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andreafmn · 4 years

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Running In Circles - Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,196

Characters: Female Reader Rossi Character, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Jennifer “JJ”Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, George Foyet, Multiple Unsubs and Victims

Story Description: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Criminal Minds, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and CBS Network. The only thing I own is Arden Rossi, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others' story line.

Chapter: 1/?

Chapter Description: (Y/N) remebers her first day in the job and recounts all the cases and events that led to the downfall of George Foyet.

A/N: I decided to say fuck the anxiety of posting and put up my Aaron fanfiction. It’s been gathering dust in my documents folder and I love writing too much to keep it to myself. I’m not sure how many chapters this will have but there’s already 8 chapters all finished up. Soon I’ll be posting ff of all the fanfictions I enjoy also! If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 1

“Good morning, BAU!” I said as I walked through the doors of the elevator and entered the bullpen. I could still remember how it felt the first time I got here.

I walked out of the elevator and made my way to the first office on the left. I was to meet

SSA Aaron Hotchner for an interview to join the BAU. My hands were shaking, and my body was getting warmer by the second. But I remembered my father’s encouraging words. “You’re gonna do great, mia bella.”

Not only was I extremely young, but I also had a lot to live up to. Being the daughter of SSA David Stephen Rossi was no easy task. He was an amazing agent, mentor, and father. He always pushed me to be the best at everything I did. When I started high school, I decided to get a head start on my college studies and applied to dual enrollment. When I graduated I did so with a Bachelor’s in Computer Science. Then, I worked my way to a Master’s in Psychology and Social Work, and a Doctorate in Criminal Justice. At the same time, my father trained me as a profiler. All my life I knew I wanted to be in the FBI, just like him. I was always impressed at all he did and wanted to be just like my hero. The day I told him I had been recruited by the FBI and was set to work in the BAU he said it had been the greatest day of his life.

Now my shaking hand raised to softly knock on the door before me.

“Come in,” someone said from inside. The door softly creaked as I opened and was met by a tall man with dark hair and a shorter blonde woman. “Agent Rossi, welcome.”

“Thank you, it’s an honor to be here.” I smiled and shook Aaron Hotchner’s and Erin Strauss’ hands.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Agent Rossi,” Erin smiled. “Have to say, you have a very impressive curriculum and your disinvolvement in our past interviews and tests have been outstanding.”

I smiled and turned the bracelet on my wrist for comfort.

“I must concur with Chief Strauss,” said Hotch. “I believe you will be a great addition to the BAU team.”

After sharing a few pleasantries and being handed my badge and gun, I was following Hotch to the briefing room to meet the rest of the team. Formally, at least. I had heard everything about them when I spoke with my father. He left no detail out.

“Morning, everyone,” Hotchner started. “I called you all in early today so you could meet the newest addition to the team. This is Agent (y/n) Rossi.”

To the sound of my name most of the mouths in the room dropped.

“Rossi, as in David Rossi?” The slender, messy haired agent said. I could only assume that was Spencer Reid. As my father had described him, a curly mess dressed in vests.

I nodded.

“Rossi, you didn’t tell us you had such a beautiful daughter.” That would be Derek Morgan. The hottie Casanova with a silver tongue.

“I hadn’t?” My father questioned and smirked, knowing full well the answer.

“Well, he’s talked a lot about all of you,” I smiled.

“All good things I hope,” Emily smiled.

“Great things,” I returned the smile. “I could probably make out who is who by the things he’s told me.”

“Go ahead,” Aaron challenged.

“Alright,” I cleared my throat and started going around the table. “Curly hair, vests, analyzing everything I’ve done and said since I walked in… you’re Spencer Reid.”

He smiled brightly.

“Tall, dark, handsome, and a silver tongue. Plus, you checked me out as soon as the doors of the elevator opened… Derek Morgan.”

He smirked.

“Calm, cool, and collected. Quiet but present, inspecting my presence here… you’re Emily Prentiss.”

“She’s good,” Emily muttered to Morgan beside her. I continued.

“And last but not least, bright colors, fun accessories,” I said looking at Garcia. “Even though you’re smiling, you’re not sure about me yet because you don’t like change and are probably going to dig up everything you can on me as soon as you can… Penelope Garcia.”

She stiffened and Derek chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I get it. I do not like change that much either. And here,” I reached my hand into my bag to pull out a rather thick folder. “I’ll save you the work. Background check, complete internet history, social medias, and all the whatnots you would need to build a very extensive profile.”

“Oh, thank you,” she reached out her hand and grabbed the folder, smiling at the floor.

“And well, I already know Agent Hotchner and my father, so they don’t need much of an introduction.”

“No, but you do,” my father said joining my side. “Tell them a bit about yourself.”

“Well, I have a bachelor, two masters, and a doctorate degree: I’m 23, I’m Rossi’s daughter…” In the middle of my thought process dad cut in.

“She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, and she’s the one I call when I’m stuck on a case.” I smiled.

“She also passed every test with flying colors,” Aaron added. “And her profiling skills are exceptional.”

“Thank you,” I blushed. “I think it runs in my blood.”

“Well, welcome to the team,” Aaron continued. “Let’s get to work.”

That was almost three years ago. A couple of days after, I met JJ who had visited with her newborn son Henry.

In very little time I had grown attached to this family. I was most of the time partnered with Spence and we developed an amazing bond. It did help that I loved playing chess and we could have highly erudite talks. Also, I very much enjoyed his over sharing of facts. But really, I was close to them all. On my spare time I was found watching movies with Derek and Penny, perusing book shops with Reid, having girl nights with JJ, Penny, and Emily, or sipping on top grade scotch while finishing paperwork with Hotch.

Spending time with Hotch was my favorite pastime of all.

I realized I had developed feelings for him the day he was captured by Foyet and left at the hospital. Receiving the call from Emily that she had found blood at his apartment literally knocked the air out of my lungs. Reid could tell that my reaction would not have been the same where it had been any of the other members. For some time, he had deduced my attraction to our unit chief. Once we had captured Patrick Meyers and Reid had been sent off to a hospital, we sped off to St. Sebastian Hospital. I could feel my heartbeat going faster and faster as I felt time slipping by. More than once I had asked Morgan to go faster and with sorry eyes, he told me he was going as fast as he could.

Seeing Hotch on a hospital bed, greatly hurt, broke me. I knew everyone on the team, just like Reid, had figured it out. I was the first one in when the doctor announced he was waking up. His eyes fluttered open as JJ, the last one to enter, made it in.

“Where am I?” He groggily asked.

“In the hospital,” dad answered.

My eyes could not leave his face, even as all I wanted was to imagine him in a different state. Derek told him how he made it to the hospital and Emily asked Hotch what had happened. Closing his eyes, Hotch explained step by step how everything had gone down. Upon more investigation, we quickly figured what Foyet had taken and, a page from his planner that held his ex-wife’s and son’s current address and a picture of them, respectively.

Once we had that information, the team knew exactly what to do. Emily and I volunteered to stay behind and update the team if anything changed. As soon as he went to sleep, we let out a locked breath. But the relief was short lived as his pulse started to get exceedingly fast.

“What happened?” The doctor asked.

“I don’t know,” I croakily muttered out. Emily put a hand on my back as I softly touched his arm.

“Agent Hotchner. Can you hear me?” The doctor called out. “Agent Hotchner?”

He finally opened his eyes and responded. “I’m okay.”

The doctor asked us out of the room as she checked on him and Emily helped stabilize my walk as we made it out. I saw the doctor and a nurse check him as I picked the skin of the thumb of my right hand. Emily noticed and grabbed it, knowing well of my nervous ticks. The other being closing my fist hard enough to dig my nails in it.

“He’ll be okay,” she smiled. “You know he’s a fighter.”

I softly smiled at her, not knowing if she said it for me or for her to believe it too.

Once we knew Haley and Jack were safe the three of us let out a relieved sigh. Hotch squeezed the hand I had been holding as he slept, needing the reassurance of a trusted presence next to him. He asked Emily about the scene at his apartment, but she could not give him definite answers. In a moment of silence, she excused herself to go buy coffee and I took this chance to ask him what had been going through my head.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” I asked worry evident in my eyes.

Sighing, he responded. “I don’t know. After he stabbed me the first time, it all goes blank.”

He looked straight into my eyes and I could tell he knew more than he let on, but now was not the time to push him. He had been drained: physically, emotionally, and mentally. In that moment, Haley walked in and I let go of his hand to leave them to talk. From outside of the room, I could hear the heartbreaking moment and knowing he was in pain shattered my heart. That day had absolutely devastated us as a team, but it only made us more determined to find Foyet and end him.

But life and work went on. The whole month he was off, I spent most of my free time helping in his recovery and his healing, using the little training I had in wound treatment. The other part of my time I spent with Reid, who was also in recovery. A far less pressing injury, but an injury, nonetheless. And he was my best friend, so I could not completely abandon him.

We were all worried about him coming back to the team with Foyet still out there, but dad reassured us he would only be more motivated. Yet the first case back, he was different. He was usually professional and understanding, now it seemed that no matter how well we worked, we would make a mistake. And when we finally tracked down the unsub and he made his way inside the house, no vest, and no gun, I knew there was something different in him. I tried to follow him inside, but dad stopped me.

“We have to trust him,” he told me. Even with those words we were all unsure of the outcome. My head was working 1,000 miles a minute coming up with different ways this could all end up in, and when I heard the gunshots, my mind only went to the darkest end. Quickly we stormed in the house and saw Hotch putting handcuffs on Darrin, and a very dead Jarvis on a recliner.

My father spent most of his time with me reassuring me that Hotch was still the same man he had been a month before. And I spent most of my time with Hotch reassuring him that he was not alone.

At the end of most cases Emily, dad, and I sat with Hotch in his office to drink a cup of scotch and unwind after a stressful day. I stayed nights overtime often and was there on the night that Strauss had landed a surprise visit to his office. The next day he became hyper focused on Derek’s work, which later he revealed to me the reason why. The bureau was questioning his leadership and he meant to step down as unit chief at the end of that week. This ended with Derek becoming active unit chief whilst Hotch was being investigated.

The days that followed were quite strange. We were used to taking orders from Hotch and now taking orders from Morgan was completely different. But business went on as usual. We worked on cases just as hard and solved them just as efficiently. With one case always hanging on us like a dark cloud. George Foyet. With every case we finished we knew he was still out there, which meant that Hotch was still hurting and hunting.

But the dreaded day had caught up to us. With the last case we had been on in Hampton we knew Foyet had found Hotch. He was taunting Hotch, dangling his life in front of him. Once he had sent us that calling card, we pressed harder on our investigation, pulling at whatever string we could find.

Thankfully, JJ pulled our medication string harder when she found out about the ability to substitute prescriptions with over-the-counter meds. We worked tirelessly and strongly to shorten the investigation part of this case. We needed to catch him, fast.

“Wait a minute, guys. Foyet likes things that have meaning to him,” I said looking at the map presented in front of us. I could see that Reid knew where I was going.

“The eye of providence, the addresses in blood he wrote on the bus that led back to him,” Spence added, and I nodded.

“Maybe he’s doing the same with his name,” I said as Reid wrote down George Foyet on the board.

“Like an anagram or something,” Emily chimed. Quickly, Reid got to work on the theory crossing out and circling letters. Adding ‘The Reaper’ onto the board and utilizing it, once Hotch had pointed out Foyet gave himself that name. He kept up this process until the name Peter Rhea came to existence.

Garcia tracked down the name and quickly found an address in Arlington. We had found him, but it was just too easy.

We were waiting outside of the apartment building for too long, waiting for something, anything. Once Morgan had given his orders, the plan was set in motion. Still, something in the back of my mind kept telling me it was too easy. We stormed the empty apartment and searched for anything that would help us find his actual location. His computer was quickly deleting files, but Garcia was better. Haley’s protection unit was in trouble.

As soon as it clicked, we were on our way to the stash house. Inside the house Marshal Sam Kassmeyer was hurt, losing blood quickly. With the little he was able to tell us we knew that Haley and Jack were in danger. Sam had not told Foyet anything, but George was smart, unfortunately. He had disguised himself as a Marshal and lied to Haley to get her where he needed her. Only him had communication with her. Everyone was on edge wanting nothing more than to find this man.

In the office we heard Hotch’s conversation with Foyet. He was working hard to buy some time for us to find him but knowing George he already had a plan set in motion. He had eyes on the pair, he was with them. I could only imagine what Hotch was going through.

“Alright, Foyet has to be in control,” Derek said, breaking me out of my thoughts. “He had Haley come to him.”

“Yeah, but where would he take her?” Spencer asked. We all started thinking and speculating. There was something in the call that told Hotch where to go. That was the key.

“Reid, what did he say, exactly?” I emphasized on the last word.

“Haley’s hair looks good dark. She’s lost some weight. It must be because of all the stress you caused her. Where’s the little man? Oh, there he is now. Do you think he likes Captain America because of you? That’s your wife on the other line. Hold, please. Hi. Open the gate and I’ll drive in.” Spencer recited in a monotone voice.

“Open the gate?” My father questioned.

“It would be someplace with the biggest emotional impact for Hotch,” I said looking down to organize my thoughts.

“And Haley has access to the gate,” Derek added, and it clicked.

“Their house,” I said. “Where they lived together.”

“Of course,” Emily said. “Foyet planned this all the way to the end. It’s everything to him.”

“He wants to take over Hotch’s house, to be in control, to prove his dominance,” I finished. We knew where he was going, and I was sure Hotch knew too and was already on his way.

On the way, Hotch got a call from Foyet’s phone. It was Hayley. I heard the emotion grabbing him by the throat. We could hear the whole conversation and my heart broke when he asked Hayley the magic words.

“Tell Jack that I need him working on the case,” Hotch breathed out. One drunken night he had told me about how he had found Jack inside a storage bench in his office after he had knocked on it. The smiling kid had told his father that he was working the case with Hotch. Hotch knew what was going to happen and so did I. This was the best chance Jack had at survival.

When Hotch told Jack to hug his mom and he said I love you, I let out a loud sob and Emily grabbed my hand tightly for support. But I was not the one that need the care. Hotch did. Haley’s words would forever be engraved in my head, and in the heads of our friends.

Three gunshots rang through the line right before it cut. Then I could not hold back the tears. I knew. I just knew.

Hotch was the first one on the scene and all I thought of was that he did not have a vest or any backup, so god knows what could have happened. For the second time in a matter of months all I could ask for was that Morgan drove faster.

At the house, Morgan was the first one in and the scene that unfolded in front of us was heartbreaking. Hotch was hitting Foyet over and over, and Derek had to hold him back. He was dead. I surveyed the scene and instinctively went to Hotch’s office, Hotch following close behind. Jack had to be there. I let Hotch walk past me and watched as relief overtook him when he lifted the lid.

“I work the case, daddy,” Jack said. Unbeknownst to everything that had happened. “Just like you said.”

“You did a great job buddy,” Hotch lifted his son out of the bench.

“What happened to you, daddy?”

“I’m okay. I want you to go outside with Ms. Jareau. Ok?” The child walked to JJ and she took him out in her arms.

And Hotch let go. He silently cried and I helped him make his way to where Haley laid. I stood by the door and turned away a police officer. Morgan stood up and squeezed my shoulder as he left the room behind the officer. I stayed outside of the doorframe, listening to the sobs of a strong man.

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317 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #299

“you look so beautiful tonight / reminds me how you laid us down and gently smiled before you destroyed my life.”

Ever done any drugs? Besides alcohol, no. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. What’s your favorite show to binge? I could only ever willingly *binge* Meerkat Manor and not get bored after like, two episodes. Do you watch porn? No, it's never appealed to me. What’s one of your fantasies? Being financially stable. :^) Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? I've lightly considered getting one, but I really doubt I ever will. What’s the most overrated movie? /shrug. Let people like what they like. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. I'd love to get to know my Facebook acquaintance Courtlynn better; I've wanted to for a long time. I think we could be fantastic friends. We'll like each other's stuff regularly and occasionally leave comments, but we don't really talk. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Paper ones, by a long shot. I just really like the feeling of a book and being able to clearly see how far in you are. I enjoy the smell and sound of turning pages. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? Probably Wonderland, realistically. I would say Azeroth, but too much world-threatening shit goes on every day lol. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? G O T H Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Yep. Do you drink? Very, very rarely. Almost exclusively during celebrations or on the once in a blue moon occasion we go to a sit-down restaurant. Do you read erotica? No. It would make me super uncomfortable. What color was the last candle you lit? I don't remember at all. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Well, not exactly me. Mom and Nicole both had memberships to Planet Fitness, and I was able to come as a guest. It was just cheaper that way. What color was the last fish you had? That I owned or ate? Either way, idr. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. If you play The Sims, do you download custom clothes, hair, etc? I don't play it. Does your animal sleep with you? Roman does, yes. He legitimately spoons with me lmao. Sometimes he'll move to the bottom of the bed, other times he'll sleep through most of the night there. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? Yes. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rock Band? "Hotel California" by The Eagles on expert is so much fun and just feels good. The ending solo is just great. When you drink chocolate milk do you just buy the jug of it or the syrup that you can put into the milk? Almost always just the chocolate syrup. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. What’s the worst abuse you have done to your phone? I know I've thrown it across the room once. Well, not my current phone, but a really old one. How did you meet your first love? High school. Well, you could maybe say Facebook. He sent me a friend request and I literally only accepted it because I thought it was another Jason. We talked via messenger some and then we ran into each other at school, and tbh I kinda knew I was fucked from there lmao. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s underwear? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever kissed in a pool? Yeah. Are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others? I absolutely cannot write in front of others, and I HATE drawing when people are watching. What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do? Odds are I'll probably be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something in WoW that sounds even remotely fun, or I'll browse Facebook. How did you find out about your current favorite band? He's one of my mom's favorite singers/bands, so I grew up with some of his music, and when I was getting into rock and metal, I decided to go through her music case and listen to some of it. Ozzy's Black Rain album set the adoration into motion. Where are you most likely to go when you need clothing? The Internet or Wal-Mart, depending on what kind of clothes I need. When was the last time you tried to do something yet failed? I should have an answer for this very quickly... yet I'm unsure. I don't think anything *major* has happened in a while. Oh, this is a tiny thing, but I did look really hard for the pencil sharpener so my niece could finish coloring her drawing, but I couldn't find the damn thing for anything. Do you think your life is comprised more of success or failure? Lots and lots of failure. What’s one personality trait that’s not strong in you? Uhhh outgoing, ig. Are you a difficult individual to get to know? Considering I hide a lot about myself to try and be accepted, yes. When was the last time you opened up to someone and about what? Literally yesterday to my mom about this unreasonably massive fear I've had lately that she doesn't have much longer in her. I'm terrified she's going to get COVID or her cancer just comes back faster than we hope. To whom do you feel the most important? My mom. Is there something you want but might not ever have? Many things. What’s something you’re working to obtain? Mental stability. Do you tend to enjoy your dreams? No, considering they're usually violent and rarely just psychotic nightmares. Are there any projects or goals you’ve recently abandoned? Hm. What in life serves to keep you going? The hope it'll get better, and I'll reach a point of actually being happy and content with my life. What was the last good news you received? Nicole's trip to Maryland to bring back a baby was successful (if that sounds weird, she's a child social worker). He has a heart condition where if his heartbeat or something like that was irregular, she'd have driven all the way up there for nothing; the baby wouldn't have been able to take the ride. Are you more inclined to appreciate sweet or savory foods? Sweet. Are romantic relationships important to you at this point in your life? I mean I'd like to be in one, but I highly doubt it'd be successful, just given where I am in life. I'd be signing up for heartbreak. Who was the last person to apologize to you for something they did? I don't know. Probably Mom for something minor, like just bumping into me or something. Are you wearing a necklace, and if so, who got it for you? No. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done lately? Lately? Uh. I don't know, but I can guarantee to you it wasn't long ago at all, considering breathing embarrasses me, pretty much. Do you ‘think out loud’? Sometimes. Do you take gummy vitamins? No. How do you know the majority of the people you know? Former schools. Hell, or maybe various online locations. I just might have more online friends and acquaintances than in-person. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I've talked about my pebble from my partial hospitalization program enough. Can you play electric guitar? I used to be able to play a little bit; I took guitar lessons for a short while in high school. Best I could do was the intro to "Crazy Train," but I'd still occasionally mess up. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you believe in ghosts/supernatural occurrences? Yes. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yeah. Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Yes, usually songs that are also angry. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? The only case this has ever happened was with Jason and his gf after me. There are no words to describe the fucking hatred I felt. I haven't seen pictures of him with an s/o in a long time, and I absolutely never plan on seeking them out ever again. What song are you listening to right now? "Rest In Pieces" by Saliva. If you’re not in college, why? I couldn't handle the stress anymore. Just couldn't. Do you own a studded belt from Hot Topic? I have a good number of old ones from high school, actually. I wore them all the time. I could never fit into them now. Favorite fictional character? Um, Darkiplier, duh. Most recent thing you are looking forward to? I think it's finally set in stone that I'm getting my tattoo redone soon. Thanks to my laptop saying "ha fuck you," it's not as soon as I originally planned since I had to pay to fix it, but Mom seems fine with helping me pay for my birthday. Not a guarantee that it'll happen on that date of course, given scheduling, but yeah. It should fucking finally be happening. How many stairs can you climb before you wanna pass out? This is too embarrassing to even answer lmao. Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No. Would you ever consider adoption? I don't want kids, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't. I feel like I'd personally need the "wow this is a part of me (and/or my s/o)" connection. Do you ever go hunting/fishing? I would never go hunting, and the only occasion in which I'd fish again is if Dad asked me. I don't like the idea of fishing for fun anymore, but that's like... always been our bonding experience, and I wouldn't tell him no. Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Knew. What are you currently sitting/laying on? My bed. Who are your godparents? I don't think I have any. Do you have any friends who are famous? I have two friends who are parts of bands, but idk how successful they are. I don't think either are like, huge. Nova Mortis if you're into heavy metal and I think Toukan does rap? When was the last time you stayed at a hotel? Hm. I have no idea. What side of a heart do you draw first? Uhhhh I think the left? What is your mom saved as in your phone? "Mama Bear." Do you want your tongue pierced? I had snake eyes for a while, but I took them out because I kept chipping my teeth. I miss that piercing, it was so cute, but it wasn't worth ruining my teeth. Ever made out in a pool? It's possible very briefly, idr. Do you like to have long hair or short hair? SHORT. SHORT. SHORT. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not really. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? Yeah. Have you ever been strip searched? No. Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes. What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate is way too sweet. Did anyone see your last kiss? It was at an airport, so probably. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I mean, I do, but I don't really know how smart it would be right now. Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? A few. Who IMed you on Facebook last? My friend Girt. Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Hell naw man, I looked up to them lmao. What size is your mattress? (single,twin,double,queen,king) Queen. Do you like spaghetti? Hell yeah. It was my favorite food as a kid. What about lasagna? No; I don't like the cheese at all. Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mosquitoes of course, as well as a bee once. Maybe other things, idk. Have you ever worn contacts? (even just to try them out) Yes, but I changed to glasses because I had too much trouble putting them in and taking them out. Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? No. Have you ever been screened for STDs? No. Did you have your tonsils taken out? No. Did you have your appendix taken out? No. Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? What is a "collector's" glass or mug? Were you your parents’ first born? No; I'm the middle child. Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No. Were you born perfectly healthy or with some (or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy. Good 'ole days. Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Ohhhh yes, my neighbor and I loved doing that. My favorite was catching fireflies with my sisters, though. Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend. I'd get lonely. Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? A whole lot, sadly... I'm despising that disease more and more every day that goes by. I know far too many people who have it or have died at its hands. Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? N/A. Do not stay in a relationship where fighting is common. Would you ever share a site password with a family member or partner? I mean sure, depending on the site and person, and the reason they (may) need it. Has anyone ever told you they couldn't trust you? Hm... I actually don't think so? Who in your family has the prettiest eyes? Idk, I don't see enough of my extended family to know. What is an odd food item you would like to try, or have tried? I'm sure there's something I'd like to try, but nothing I think about with consistency, really... Most "odd" food I find unappealing anyway. When/if you drive, do you go the speedlimit? When I did, I certainly always tried to, but I was bad at maintaining a stable speed. I went up and down too much. Are you an aggressive driver? Or more passive-aggressive? I was dangerously passive at driving. Describe a hairstyle you had as a little kid? Well, I had long hair with bangs. What routine of yours would you most hate to break? Probably stopping getting a soda first thing in the morning... That is like so deeply ingrained into my day and is a motivator to get up in the first place. I want to change this to where I'm not allowed to grab one until I've had a full cup of water, but yeah, that hasn't happened yet. Has jealousy ever ruined one of your friendships/relationships? Honestly? I think it's possible that Jason totally split on me because of it. We were in this very unstable "friends" position after the breakup and hung out very briefly and awkwardly twice (which I'm pretty sure he didn't want), and I think one of our last attempts at conversation was who a girl he was talking to via Messenger was. No, before any assumptions are made, I didn't snoop. He showed me something on his phone and I just inevitably saw the little Facebook chat icon of a girl I didn't recognize. I don't even remember his answer. I just know it wasn't too long later I was blocked and everything. What is one restaurant you would NOT recommend? I personally am not a Chili's fan. What was your last conversation about? Mom and I were just talking about what a mush the cat is, haha. Who is your favorite person to debate or discuss with? Yo fuck debates, I got mad anxiety over that kind of stuff. Are you more likely to praise or insult yourself? Why? Insult. I don't even believe myself when I try praising, so it's not worth the effort. I have a billion and two reasons. Do you enjoy cloudy days? Why or why not? Honestly, not very much anymore. I've found that it actually does affect my mood. I like some cloud coverage, though. Would it bother you to be forgotten after death? Yes, even though when you think about it, most of us will be. I want to do stomething so badly; not even particularly something major, but just contribute to things and causes that matter and slowly change the world for the better. It's especially likely I will be forgotten though at some point because I don't want kids, so my blood isn't carrying on. Do you tend to prefer healthy or unhealthy snacks? Ugh, unhealthy. Has anyone ever asked you for diet advice? I think so, back when I started recovery and lost like 60 lbs fast as fuck. I wasn't even dieting though, just... came off awful meds. What age is your youngest aunt? Ummmm I have no clue. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun, but I'm not good at it. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? Totally. Do you prefer sweet or sour fruits? Sweet. How're your dancing skills? Rusted to the point of just not functional anymore lmao. What brand of batteries do you usually get? I don't pay attention to the kind Mom gets. Are any of your friends pregnant or have kids? A lot of my FB friends have kids. At least two are pregnant, but I only consider myself remotely close to one. I'm beyond worried about how she's going to be as a mom. Where's the strangest place a fast food restaurant was located? I've certainly seen some questionable placement in busy areas, but none that are super odd. Do you stay up all night on New Years Eve/Day or go to bed after 12am? I don't care nowadays; I just stay up until I'm tired like every other night.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''rest in pieces'' by saliva

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theluckyyyoneee · 5 years

Text

holiday magic

pairing: Baekhyun x reader

genre: fluff

word Count: 2.99k

not my gif^

“How can you hate Valentine’s Day?!”

Rolling your eyes, you slammed your locker shut with more force than necessary, gripping your textbooks tighter in your arms as you huffed out an annoyed sigh as you repeated to your best friend for the nth time.

“It’s not like I hate Valentines Day, okay? I just...” you trailed off, shrugging your shoulders as your unfortunate eyes were met by pink. A scowl adorned your lips as you eyed the paper hearts and the annual special event dance posters covering every available inch of the hallways. “I just don’t see the appeal.”

His expression conveyed adorable shock and confusion. “What do you mean you don’t see the appeal? It’s a day where you get handfuls and handfuls of free candy and gifts!” His face now expressed childlike wonderment, spreading his arms wide and his head tilted back in what you assumed was excitement or contentment.

Irritation surged through you at his words. “Yeah, maybe for you.” You scoffed, shaking your head as you recalled all the Valentine’s Day’s from years prior leading up to this upcoming one.

“Y/N, Y/N, look! Look at all the stuff I found in my locker!”

“I gave like half of my gifts away, look how much stuff I have left!”

“You didn’t get anything? Well don’t worry, I have more than enough to share with you!”

Pushing the doors that led to the sweet freedom that was the outside, you escaped from the prison that was school and carefully made your way down the stairs with Baekhyun right beside you. “You always get candy and bears and cards, I’m sure you’d love it if Valentine’s Day was everyday.” You grumbled, the familiar jealousy enveloping your form, what kind of jealous you were currently feeling you weren’t sure of yet.

Suddenly surging towards you, he threw his arm around your shoulders and squeezed all the while teasing, “Aw, is that why you hate it? Cause you don’t get any letters or chocolates that come in a heart package?” His lips were in that signature pout, his eyes wide and you sneered at him, pushing him away.

“You know I don’t even like chocolate.” You retorted, trying your best to not let his close proximity get to you, willing yourself not to become a stuttering mess, even when your brain was having difficulty forming simple words.

Sticking out his tongue, he jumped the last three steps and blocked you from moving forward. “Whatever. This year, I will convince you that Valentine’s Day is by far the most superior holiday there is.”

“Hmm, I think the best holiday is Halloween,” you argued, side stepping his form to continue the short walk to your house.

“Both involve candy, only your favorite holiday involves unnecessary horror and annual pranks!” He argued, using his slender fingers to count the atrocities that was your preferred holiday. “Which I don’t understand how you like by the way,” he added with usual sass which you didn’t acknowledge, as usual. “you willingly sit through watching something you know will scare you.”

Huffing out a sigh, your house came into sight and you couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped your lips at his words and the slight whine in his tone. You shrugged your shoulders as a nonverbal answer to his question. “It helps me sleep at night.”

Expression bordering along distraught and fearful, he created some space between the two of you to which you playfully shoved him as he continued to walk straight when you turned into your driveway, his house right next to yours. You heard his next words loud and clear.

“I will convince you that Valentine’s Day is the superior holiday!”

To which you uttered an unimpressed hum and waved your hand in his direction as you entered your home, shaking off the residual cold from outside as your body accustomed to the warmer temperature in your house. Dumping your unnecessarily heavy books on the counter, you raided your fridge, not taking Baekhyun’s words seriously.

You were never a huge romantic, never felt any envy or longing when spotting a couple nearby lock arms and exchange cheesy words to one another. It’s been ages since you’ve had the interest of dating anyone, and while all your friends all had their special one’s to spend the damned ridiculous holiday, you were content to spend the night at home, binge watching some of your favorite horror flicks.

Of course, none of that happened.

Reason: As If You Don’t Already Know

Friday, February 14th.

You awoke like every other school day, with a groan you silenced your alarm and battled with your motionless limbs, willing your hands to grasp the edge of the covers and sit up to start the day.

From: Byun [7:19 AM] can’t walk w u to school today

A slight frown adorning your face, you shrugged on your coat and braced yourself for the harsh wind of the early morning. Something felt off, you just didn’t know what it was or why you felt that way. Sticking your earbuds in your ears, you shrugged and brushed the feeling off as best as you could. It wasn’t as if you two had to walk together every day anyway.

You had forgotten the date until you had double checked the date on your phone and you still had seen no sign of Baekhyun and you wondered if he had also forgotten, or had just given up trying to convince you of the ‘superior holiday’.

Entering your first class with a smug grin on your lips, the few students who were already present eyed you strangely the whole way, you sat down quite happily and put your backpack on the floor besides you, taking out the necessary materials when you felt something stuck to the underside of your desk on the back of your hand.

You recoiled and hoped it wasn’t dried gum or anything of the sort and leaned to the side and down to identify the mysterious object and instead was completely puzzled at the strange sight of your favorite candy taped to the dull metal attached with a folded up note. You knew instantly who was responsible.

Byun Baekhyun.

So he hadn’t forgotten or given up after all like you had hoped, you pouted as you slowly opened the folded notebook paper, heartbeat increasing as you pondered what could be written on it.

i don’t know why you like [candy name] so much, when you know i’m sweeter

You eyed the note for a longer time than you would like to admit, and when you snapped out of your daze, you immediately folded the offending piece of paper back up and shoved it into the back pocket of your jeans, wondering why you were so warm all of a sudden, cursing yourself at the bitter taste in your mouth as you wondered if Baekhyun would use a similar line to another girl once this was all over.

You rolled your eyes as you popped a piece of the candy into your mouth.

So this was his tactic. To sweeten you up with your favorite candies and flirty little notes. Well.... that was just unfair. Not to mention very creative, note the sarcasm.

Every class you would find your favorite candies used against you taped to the underside of the desks with cheesy and absurd lines that made you go red in the face. You wondered when he even had time to do all this, you hadn’t seen him all day, not even at lunch and you were sort of grateful for that.

sorry i’m such an airhead sometimes, i get lost in thoughts of you

you’re hotter than these hot tamales

wish i could give you these kisses in person

he knew you didn’t like chocolate, you just didn’t think he was able to resist the obvious pun

You didn’t think you could look him straight in the eyes after reading his lame attempt at romantic poetry, even if you found it the tiniest tiniest bit cute. You sat with your other friends and decided to keep quiet about the whole thing, not wanting them to tease you about your obvious (you were the only one oblivious to it) crush.

Until he switched it up the last period of the day. You entered the classroom leisurely, totally not speed walking to see what awaited you next, and immediately reached down under the desk, only to feel nothing but the cool metal.

Slight disappointment filled you and you tried your hardest to shake it off.

Get a grip, you scolded yourself silently, all he’s done is write some lines he probably looked up on the internet and here you are where he wants you, hooked and awaiting for the next thing to happen.

Well, this was rigged from the start. Who wouldn’t be happy receiving gifts of free candy, all from an attractive boy at that. You sighed in defeat, when he was right, he was right. You grimaced as you could just imagine his damn smug grin as he danced around you and sang “I told you so~” a billion times. You were doing your best to imitate what you were sure what his face would look like when a soft voice interrupted.

“Excuse me?” A light tap on your shoulder made you jump out of your embarrassing thoughts to find your classmate who sat behind you with the most beautiful bouquet you had ever seen in person. She blinked a few times and slowly offered them to you.

You two had never really spoken before, as she was obviously a very shy person and you, who wanted to respect her privacy, you eyed her and the flowers strangely before gently taking them out from her grasp with an awkward smile.

“Baekhyun asked me to give them to you when you got here...” she whispered with a small smile on her face and you were too shocked to say anything in return before she quietly added before returning to her book, “I think you two look good together.”

You were shaking your head furiously but of course, she wasn’t paying attention to you anymore now that she had done what was asked of her and you ignored the oohs of your classmates as class started, your eyes drifting to the vibrant colors of the flowers multiple times when you were supposed to be writing down notes.

Your thoughts were instead filled with visions of a boy who you had known all your life, who had a smile and attitude brighter than the sun in the sky and a heart of gold, no matter how much he infuriated you and teased you. The thought of him picking this bouquet with your favorite flowers made your heart flutter in your chest.

You had thought it was over.

The magic had worn off and you were never going to receive such sweet and special treatment from the person who had always just been your best friend who now, you weren’t sure if you wanted him to be just that anymore.

School had ended with the ringing of the final bell and you were aching to see him, usually he’d be annoying you at your locker but he was nowhere in sight. Blowing a breath out of your nose, you decided to just go home and see if he wasn’t already at his, smiling to yourself fondly as you thought you should hurry and put your flowers in one of your mother’s vases.

Rushing home to see a note taped heavily to your front door in familiar handwriting, the harsh wind already chipping at some of the corners, you eagerly plucked it off.

meet me at the tree i fell from when we were nine

The tree in his backyard. You remembered that memory very vividly, the two of you had climbed his gigantic tree, you sat on a thick branch and he was following you up when his foot had slipped and he had to be taken to the emergency room for a sprained ankle while you were positively terrified of moving from your spot on the tree. It took an enormous ladder and you clinging to your father as he rescued you, crying and panicking about Baekhyun’s sprained foot the whole time.

Nobody was home and you felt weird entering from the back gate but knew he had left it open for this exact reason, lighting up when you saw a similar note also taped to the bark of the tree.

How long did it take him to do all this?

There were two more locations before the final one, all within the general vicinity of your small neighborhood, the two of you really hung out on the streets or in front of small convenience stores down the blocks, each location bringing back fond memories of when you two were younger, as close as you were now.

lastly, head to the place where we spent our summer afternoons

You were tired and cold and as much as you wanted to hate this, you eagerly headed in the direction the note told you to, anticipating to what was at the end of this, all the while remembering all the years you had spent with Baekhyun.

“You found me!” An adorable smile lit his face as you looked at him for the first time today after envisioning his blinding smile a thousand times in your head. Looking as cozy and as comfortable as ever, he sat on a swing, feet planted on the ground as he slowly rocked himself back and forth, letting you make your way to him.

Wanting to reciprocate his smile, but not letting yourself break your cool, you acted, or attempted to, all tough and annoyed instead. “Yah! Byun Baekhyun! Do you think this is the appropriate weather for a damn treasure hunt? You could’ve just told me to meet you at the park, and I would’ve said no because who goes to the park in this cold?” You were sure your ears and nose were as red as a cherry from the constant wind and the slight drop in temperature.

“I forgot what a big baby you were,” he casually commented as he strolled toward you, a small smile gracing his lips as she unwrapped his scarf from his neck and gingerly fixed it around yours, slender hands finding your shoulders and ran them down your arms to take your frozen hands in his warm ones, placing them between his to warm them a bit. “So?” He raised his eyebrows cheekily, “have I changed your mind about this lovely holiday?”

Rolling your eyes, you tried not to fixate on how warm and soft his hands were as they held yours and refused to look him in the eyes, no matter how hard he was currently trying to meet yours. “Well, who wouldn’t like getting free candy and flowers?” You huffed shyly, before pouting slightly. “So fine, you win. It’s the best holiday.” His thumbs were now rubbing circles on the backs of your hands.

“Shouldn’t I get a wish?” He teased, leaning closer to you, his warmth radiating onto you and you backed away a bit, deeming your hands warm enough as you pulled them from his grasp, noticing his expression fall a bit at the loss of contact.

“What do you want?”

“Be my valentine.” He stated it so plainly, so confident that you stood there dumbfounded and figured he was trying to be witty with some clever wordplay.

“What?” Was all you could ask, heart beginning to thunder in your chest, warming up your frozen limbs at the insinuation of his words.

“I could make you as happy as you were today every Valentine’s Day if you agree to be my Valentine.” You almost couldn’t take it, the way he was gazing at you with that tenderness and adoration in his expression, how your parents looked at each other across the table.

“Why does it sound like you’re confessing right now?” You joked nervously, trying to rid the atmosphere of its awkwardness and you did a shitty job of it.

The expression he gave you made you feel like the world’s biggest idiot. “Do you really think I did all of this just to get you to like Valentine’s Day, or me?”

“Huh?” You offered dumbly, not comprehending his words correctly.

“I could care less what your favorite holiday is, as long as I get to spend it with you, dummy. I swear, I knew you were dumb but I didn’t think it was this bad. At least you’re pretty.” He teased, doing his part to help ease the vulnerability of his confession.

“...Are you serious?” You muttered in a small voice, to which he couldn’t help but chuckle at how cute you were and offered an encouraging nod. “Really? Because, I’ll be your valentine. You won’t be able to get rid of me, and you won’t be able to accept any other girl’s gifts, you know that, right?” He saw right through your brave facade and took you in his arms, and you hid your face in his neck.

“You’re so cute,” he couldn’t resist teasing you once again to which you gave him a smack on the back as payback for making you run around the whole neighborhood in this weather.

He squeezed you tighter and screamed in mock pain, not being able to look him in the eyes as he softly kissed the top of your forehead before taking your hand in his once again and headed for the direction of your house to walk you home.

Halloween was still your favorite holiday, much to the dismay of Baekhyun. The fear that entered his eyes as he realized he was now obligated to watch your favorite horror movies will forever be one of your favorite memories.

bro im srry if this is trash, literally had no will to write and my internet was out for like a week and i almost went insane w/o it. anyways i’m spending valentines day writing this and bout to get drunk lol as always pls lmk what u thought in the comments and pls give lots of love!!!

#exo #exo l #exo au #exo angst #exo au scenarios #exo bias #exo baekhyun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun #exo drabble #exo fic #exo fluff #exo fanfiction #exo imagine #exo reactions #exo scenarios #exo x reader

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poptod · 5 years

Text

Baisemain

Description: Your dead body is dressed up in ancient Mesopotamian clothing, and hidden in the Museum of Natural History. What your murderer doesn’t know is that you’re about to come to life, every night, for as long as your skeleton exists.

Notes: So this is just a quick blurb (and basically a shitpost) about this idea of a murder victim’s body being held in the Museum of Natural History. It’s not specifically Ahk x Reader but there’s a bit at the end that’s pretty flirty. I suppose I could write more, but I don’t know if I really wanna do that. I promise I’ll come up with something new and actually good soon!

Word Count: 1.9k

What comes in death is… nothing. There is no you, no consciousness going by your name, and there is no reality where you exist. Not anymore. You hold no anger towards the cause of your death, but only because you simply can’t, not when there’s no mind to store it in. If you were still alive, still holding a consciousness, you’d probably be rather annoyed - you’re not a cynical person but you’re not a saint, either.

So, there is a time on earth in which you are not a thought, not a tangible thing, and all sense of who you are is subject to the tide of the wind - the idea of you exists, in abstract form, only the image of what you are in other peoples minds. It’s rather blissful, nonexistence; quiet, but not lonely, and peaceful in every way existence cannot be. For one point in time it is blissfully quiet, blissfully dark and nothing, till a bright light sparks, and your consciousness comes back to being.

There’s a light shining in your face, fluorescent and painfully bright as your eyes barely open. Squinting, you try to see through the brightness, taking a minute or so to adjust. Around you is darkness - the only light in the room is the one directly above you, and you’re lying on top of a table that is suspiciously cold. With a groan you sit up, fully taking in where you are, and what in the hell could be happening.

A thousand different solutions, none of them right, ran through your head. Perhaps this is a hospital, you thought, incorrectly, followed by, no, this is too empty. Perhaps I am in a morgue of sorts, which was also wrong. There’s a distinct smell, not especially rancid but certainly not a nice smell, and the room is filled with it. Without word or grunt you slip off the table, and the clacking on your feet is odd - not right for being shoeless and not right for the sneakers you usually wear.

It’s only then that you notice you’re not wearing your normal clothes, or anything that could be considered normal. Long cloth drapes from your shoulders and hips, colorful and softer than anything you own - nothing that belongs to you, no wallet or keys or I.D. are in your pockets, which are sizable. A sort of shawl covers your chest, while a long skirt tied somewhere around your shoulders or waist (it’s all so tight and confusing) covers you from waist to ankle. If you had to guess, you’d place the origin of the style and cloth somewhere in the Middle East, which would be the one thought so far that was right.

The only appropriate course of action, you decide, is to explore, and try to piece together what exactly was happening. So, trying to keep your clothing up (which is an easier task than you think it is, it’s very well made and knotted), you leave the cold examination table, and wander through empty halls.

A good amount of time passes before you hear faint music coming from above you. Someone’s playing ABBA, you recognize that in the least, and you climb up several flights of stairs in hopes of finding some hint of life. As you get slowly closer, the thumping of hundreds of feet begins, then the shouts, and you realize that there’s not just one person playing ABBA, it’s an entire party.

Maybe someone’s having an office party, you think to yourself, back on the course of thinking wrong things. When you reach the final door, you’re only aware it’s the final door by the impossibly loud music, and the vibrating of the door handle when you grasp it. Anxiously you turn, your nerves flooding your hand till it tingled with excitement - well, that or fear, and you preferred to be excited. Though, if you knew exactly what you were getting excited for, you might’ve not been so excited in the first place.

In the center of the room is a very familiar globe, spinning and still glowing even though it’s clearly nighttime outside. Every exhibit you ever remember seeing is dancing, playing games, or talking with one another, and you can feel your breath leave your body - perhaps you weren’t really alive again, but you can still feel your heartbeat. In fact, your heartbeat is about the only thing you can still feel, and when a soccer ball comes hurtling towards your head you can almost feel yourself faint. Instead you duck, and the ball bounces off the wall and back to - Attila the hun, who is definitely not a wax statue anymore.

You’ve been here before, you know this place, and the fact that you’re here is terrifying you more than you ever thought it could. The Museum of Natural History in New York, which is funny, because you don’t live in New York.

Pretending as if everything you’re seeing is normal, you try to look for a night guard; you know they have one, and maybe they’ll know whats happening. At the top of the steps you find him, dressed in the usual dark blue garb, flashlight in hand. He’s talking to someone who’s definitely Egyptian, Ancient Egyptian, and if the crown meant anything, very likely royalty.

“Hi, uh, I’m sorry,” you say, tapping the night guard on the shoulder. “I… what’s happening here?”

He turns to you, and a smile of recognition crosses his face. Patting you on the shoulder, he says, “Oh! Yeah, you must be the, uh, new exhibit. From Mesopotamic or something?”

“Mesopotamia,” the Egyptian corrects him, with a surprisingly strong British accent. You look to him, then back at the night guard, still confused.

“What? No, I’m - I’m not from Mesopotamia, I’m from Colorado. What’s going on here?”

The two men look at each other, communicating in silent looks before turning back to you.

“Um… well, you’re in a museum. A magical tablet brings you to life every night, belongs to this guy,” the night guard says, pointing a finger back at the Egyptian behind him.

“I was dead. Like, really dead, did anyone solve - I was dead! Someone murdered me with a - a knife or something, and now I’m here?!” The reality of your situation begins to set in with you, and it’s not a pretty sight - your eyes go wide and you grip at your hair, wondering how in the hell this situation is in any way possible.

“Hey, hey, calm down. Are you sure you’re not from Mesopotamian?”

“Mesopotamia,” both you and the Egyptian say at the same time, glancing at each other before both turning back to the night guard.

“Right, whatever. You’re from Colorado?”

“Yeah, well… at least that’s where I was living. Wasn’t born there.”

“Makes sense,” the Egyptian says. “Most Mesopotamians don’t speak English.”

“Most Ancient Egyptians don’t speak English either,” the night guard points out. “You’re going to have to prove it to me.”

Internally you groan, ready to recite the events of the current age.

“It’s 1999, and -“

“Wrong. 2005,” the night guard interrupts helpfully.

“In that case, I must’ve been murdered a good long while ago.” An anger courses through you, and you begin to spit facts like you hate them, when you couldn’t feel less apathetic about it. “There’s fifty states in America, which was founded in 1776 by George Washington, John Adams, some guy named Richard I think, and the rest of the founding fathers. Umm… Nelson Mandela recently stepped down from his presidency, and the Sixth Sense came out, which I haven’t ever watched so don’t ask me about it.”

“Okay,” he says after a moment of contemplation. “That’s fair.”

“So you believe me?” You ask excitedly, smiling for probably the first time that night.

“Sure. But I don’t think I’ll be able to convince the other exhibits, they hardly speak English some of them… it’d probably be best just to say you’re Mespotamic.”

You and the Egyptian look at each other, too tired to correct him, and you both silently agree that he’s never going to get it right. At long last the two introduce themselves; the night guard’s name is Larry, and the Egyptian’s name is Ahkmenrah, and your previous deduction had been correct - he was royal, a king to be exact. Larry offers to look your murder up on the internet, but it’s safely assumed beforehand that it isn’t solved, considering your dead body is dressed up in Mesopotamian garb in a museum. No, someone is just a very smart killer.

“Like hiding a dead body in a graveyard,” Larry comments, to which you agree. After that fun excursion in which you are deeply unsettled by your Missing Persons poster, he decides to introduce you to the wide variety of characters inhabiting the museum.

By the fifth person you meet you’re a little numb to meeting famous historical people, and to the fact that everyone keeps calling you Mesopotamian. You don’t look the part, either in skin or facial features, and everyone’s immediate assumption is more than tiresome after the seventh person you meet. The only thing that jostles you by the time midnight strikes is the massive T-Rex, which, defying all logic of the tablet, does not have meat on its’ bones. You point this out to Ahkmenrah, who seems to be the leading expert on the tablet, and he just shrugs.

“Some things just happen some ways,” he says, leaving you more confused than you were before.

Your heart skips a beat when you notice a small child on top of the dinosaur, and begins to beat faster yet when Larry runs after him, leaving you alone with Ahkmenrah. He turns to you with a polite smile, a little too real to be only cursory.

“I never got to officially introduce myself,” he says, and you recall that it was, in fact, Larry who told you the King’s name. “I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king of the fourth king, and very pleased to meet you.” You hadn’t noticed he held your hand till it comes to his lips, a gentle, admiring kiss upon the back of it. Stuttering, you try to get a grasp on your words, blushing furiously from this single show of affection.

“I - I, uh… I’m (Y/N). I hold no title,” you finally get out, wondering if you should add your job in, before ultimately deciding that saying you’re a writer isn’t a great way to earn respect. “But it’s nice to meet you as well.”

He takes you on a tour of the different rooms just as Larry toured you around the people, telling you who each room belonged to, and a little history of the exhibit. He directs you by holding your hand, sending flutters into your heart every time he squeezes your hand when pulling you along to another room. You don’t have the heart to tell him you’ve actually visited the museum before, and whenever he smiles at you, you find you don’t want to tell him anyway - if only to get him to keep holding your hand.

To your quiet delight he keeps holding your hand throughout the night, tracing your veins as he explains exactly what to do when the night comes to a close.

Ultimately, it takes a good long while to adjust to what life is - it’s explain to you that you can’t leave the museum, and it takes you a much longer time to adjust to the fact that no one will ever solve your murder. As close as your friendship gets with the Pharaoh, it doesn’t fully fill the hole in your heart left by the fact that none of your friends or family know what happened to you. But, there are ups and downs to every story, and this story is pretty far-fetched anyway.

#ahkmenrah #ahkmenrah x reader #night at the museum #rami malek

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years

Note

hii, can you tell me more about why you’re anti sukka?

... Okay, now, that’s an inaccurate statement.

As per current internet terminology, I’m not ANTI Sukka. These days, an anti is someone who obsesses with the ships they hate, and spends an insane amount of time harassing fans of the ship, attacking other shippers, making content to disparage the ship and pretending they’re on some sort of superior moral high ground by doing all these things. While I’ve made occasional posts on why I don’t ship Sukka, I don’t think I’ve made any since AGES ago. I don’t get in the way of anyone who does ship it and I wouldn’t even say I HATE the ship. In truth, I just don’t care for it. I won’t read or look for content about it, but that’s not the same as hating a ship, let alone the same as harrassing its shippers: so I’m not anti-Sukka, I just don’t ship Sukka.

Now, since your question’s intent was to figure out why don’t I ship it...

... Warning: long, long essay that won’t sit well with any hardcore Sukka shippers right under the cut. I would be using a truncated term like su*ka throughout the whole post if only the anon hadn’t already used the actual ship name, but regrettably, it’s likely to show up in your tags all the same. I am sorry, preemptively, if it does: please ignore it for your own good and go on your merry way without letting me ruin your day.

I haven’t talked about this for ages tbh. But anyways, here we go.

When I watched The Warriors of Kyoshi for the first time, I actually liked Suki plenty. I liked her initial conflict and chemistry with Sokka, though I wasn’t big on how she made him wear the Kyoshi Warriors uniform when it clearly made him uncomfortable, but all in all, I liked how their relationship had shaped up at that point and I even looked forward to Suki returning in future episodes.

On my first watch of ATLA, I seriously saw nothing wrong in Sukka. I didn’t think a lot of things through during that first time I watched the show, I was just binging the whole thing like a maniac (like a lot of people are doing at the time), so I found their relationship perfectly acceptable as it was, for the show I was watching.

And then later rewatches, even before the Sokkla bug bit me as hard as it has, I realized maybe that wasn’t entirely true.

One of the things I really, REALLY don’t like about Sukka to this day is how unequal their relationship is in terms of how the characters are written in the show. Basically, the same complaint I have about Asami in LOK applies to Suki ever since she reappears in Book 2, but ESPECIALLY in Book 3: her character ends up revolving almost exclusively around Sokka.

Meanwhile, Sokka appears to forget about her surprisingly often and easily.

Instance #1: there’s no sign of Sokka holding a torch for Suki when he first develops a crush on Yue. Implying that, while Suki impressed him, his feelings for her weren’t necessarily romantic despite she outright kissed his cheek... whereas he is crushing, HARD, on Yue. In contrast, Suki was so affected by Team Avatar’s visit to her island that she took off to help people around the world to follow their example. Sokka (and his friends) have a huge impact on Suki’s life... whereas Suki’s impact, sure, taught Sokka to set aside his sexism, but he’s never even seen reflecting on how much Suki has changed him because of this? Neither is Katara portrayed mentioning how much nicer he became after meeting Suki? There’s not a single sign through the rest of the season of how much Suki has meant for Sokka, whether as a teacher, friend or potential love interest.

Instance #2: after initially hesitating to kiss Suki in the Serpent’s Pass, Sokka finally kisses her once they’re about to part ways before she returns to the Kyoshi Warriors. It’s soooo very romantic... until, a mere episode later, Ty Lee openly flirts with Sokka and, instead of reacting as he does later in the season (with a comment along the lines of ”Uh, I’m with someone else”), Sokka merely WAVES AND SMILES. I... don’t even understand why the writers did this. They spent the entire season featuring Sokka avoiding Ty Lee, or being fully hostile with her, but somehow RIGHT AFTER establishing his relationship with Suki, he’s shown behaving like this? It doesn’t make any sense to me. It basically says either he’s not taking his relationship with Suki all that seriously, or he’s just blatantly disloyal, and considering how devoted he was to Yue, I can’t bring myself to believe it’s the second thing. A writing oversight? Eh...

Instance #3: when Toph talks about the moon turning mean, Sokka rages and rants about how nice the moon is. Why do I bring this up? Because Yue is out of reach. Yue is gone: he still feels the need to defend her from someone who isn’t really insulting her despite that. MEANWHILE... Suki’s fate, at the time, is unknown. Sokka has no idea if Azula captured her, left her for dead, tossed her in a river, sold her to a traveling circus...? He doesn’t. He seriously doesn’t. He can’t KNOW what Azula did because the last thing he knew, Mai and Ty Lee were masquerading as Kyoshi Warriors. Implying them, and their leader, did something to the group his girlfriend was part of. And yet, for an entire season finale AND the first half of Book 3, Sokka betrays zero intentions of wanting to discover what happened with Suki, or guilt about not being able to save her UNTIL AZULA BRINGS HER UP. I know it’s very sad for Sukka fans to see Sokka crying over Suki as he did when Azula taunts him... but why haven’t we seen the slightest sign of how affected he is by Suki’s presumed capture/murder/whatever he was imagining happening to her, when Book 2 features Sokka suffering over failing Yue in the Swamp, as well as rejecting Suki initially over guilt because of his lingering feelings for Yue, paired with fear of failing to protect those he cares about? And then in Book 3 he’s even standing up to Toph when she makes a careless comment about the moon spirit...? Why is it so easy to bring up Yue, but not Suki? Is this really just another writing oversight? So we’ve had TWO writing oversights about this relationship already, both of which suggest Suki is barely on Sokka’s mind at all? Is this oversight... or accidental characterization? :’)

Instance #4: Sokka and Zuko travel to the Boiling Rock. Sokka is determined to save his father. It’s a really cool, absolutely acceptable, very important decision for his character... but here’s the kicker: Sokka knows now, at this point, that Suki might still be alive and a prisoner of the Fire Nation. Azula outright said Suki had been WAITING FOR HIM AND GAVE UP BECAUSE HE NEVER CAME. This is what drives him to tears and to shout at Azula while wasting time during the Eclipse! :’D And then? Then he goes to Zuko, to ask him about Fire Nation prisons, and my gullible, first-watch self thought “oh, he wants to save Suki now that Azula said she’s alive! :D” ... only for his intent to be exclusively about his father. I’m not saying it’s WRONG for Sokka to privilege Hakoda over Suki, I mean, he is his father and Sokka really cares about family. It’s one of his main priorities, always has been. But isn’t it WEIRD that after Azula taunted him SO BAD about failing Suki, after saying Suki GAVE UP ON HIM, Sokka makes zero moves to find out if she might be alive and within reach? He could ask Zuko about her, maybe, seeing as he was on Azula’s side in Ba Sing Se and may have known a thing or two about any prisoners she captured in the Earth Kingdom? Sokka could have mentioned he wants to save BOTH Hakoda and Suki, and it doesn’t harm the story in the least for him to say something like that. It doesn’t make his efforts for Hakoda any lesser, and it shows Suki is a priority for him too... But no. Instead let’s feature him bumping into Suki by sheer luck, because that’s truly what it was, and instead of feeling any guilt for not helping her sooner, he’s just lovestruck and attempting to put moves on her when she doesn’t even know who he is yet. Super funny. Super romantic. Super lacking and I can’t understand why, WHY, someone would ever think this is how to write a quality romantic relationship?

Instance #5: connected to instance #4, actually. When traveling to the Boiling Rock, Sokka and Zuko have an awkward conversation. During this awkward conversation, Sokka asks Zuko if there was anything he left behind in the Fire Nation that he might have missed. Zuko smiles and talks about Mai. Sokka is surprised that the “gloomy girl who sighs a lot” was his girlfriend, and Zuko looks genuinely fond of her as he smiles and thinks of her. And then Sokka brings up his own romantic experience... WITH YUE. Instead of bringing up the girl who taught him girls can fight too, instead of bringing up the girl he hasn’t been able to save yet, the girl who MIGHT BE in the prison he’s headed towards, Sokka brings up the girl he absolutely CAN’T save anymore. He brings up the girl whose death most clearly scarred him, deeply, and I’m not trying to lessen the blow Yue’s sacrifice takes on Sokka... but Suki literally, LITERALLY, has something to do with the plot of this very episode? While “My girlfriend turned into the moon” “That’s rough, buddy” is a well-loved hilarious scene and line, I’d have sacrificed that IN A HEARTBEAT if the writers had thought to feature Sokka talking about Suki instead. He could’ve said Azula took her! He literally KNOWS this now, for a fact! Zuko could’ve told him “Hey, maybe she’s in the Boiling Rock too!”, and the plot of the episode wouldn’t have changed in the slightest, beyond featuring Sokka actively looking for BOTH Hakoda and Suki! But no. Again, no. Again, the writers choose to privilege Sokka’s bond with Yue over Suki. With Hakoda over Suki. With anyone else over Suki.

... whlie Suki, most obviously, has no one else she cares about more than Sokka. Why? Because she hasn’t even had enough screentime to establish any other significant relationships, and after the Boiling Rock, she doesn’t establish them anyways.

This causes Suki to feel like a Sokka satellite: SHE revolves around HIM. But Sokka? Sokka doesn’t revolve around Suki IN THE LEAST. Would it be healthy for him to be completely devoted and crazy over Suki to the point of disregarding his ties with other people over her? Hell, no! But it’s not healthy to feature Suki as good as doing that for Sokka either! :’D Suki doesn’t even have a solid, established friendship with any of the other Gaang members. She has POTENTIAL for it, but ever since she joins the Gaang she is most frequently shown interacting with Sokka and only on occasion with the others, but in no memorable, meaningful way with anyone but Sokka. She even joins Katara while searching for Aang in Sozin’s Comet, and we don’t see the slightest sign of unique, important bonding between them. She saved Toph from drowning once, found out Toph has a crush on the same boy she likes, and it’d have been interesting if she, for instance, had refrained from seeking an openly romantic relationship with Sokka out of respect for Toph’s feelings? They could’ve had a conversation about it? With Toph telling her to go for it, maybe, because Sokka liked her too? Suki saying she doesn’t want to hurt her? A perfectly nice bonding situation for these two girls, showing quite a lot of respect between them, as well as respect for their personal relationships with Sokka?

But no. That doesn’t happen.

The second important character Suki bonds most with is Zuko, and in the show, it’s exclusively because they’re with Sokka in the Boiling Rock. Once that’s over you can’t really say there’s any relevant, personal dynamics between them in the show. Heck, Suki tells him she wants a rematch with Azula in the Boiling Rock: Zuko could have offered her a chance to come with him to the Fire Nation and get that rematch, instead of offering it to Katara :’D Why doesn’t he? Because they DID take their time to establish a relationship between Zuko and Katara, even derrailing the show for a whole episode to ensure they would convince Katara to forgive Zuko for all the wrong he did, in the most absurd and contradictory situation possible. Meanwhile, a simple “sorry” from Zuko is enough for Suki to stop holding a grudge. You absolutely CAN interpret this as Suki not being the type to hold a grudge! Which, great! But you also CAN interpret this as the writers being way too lazy to give Suki as much time to forgive Zuko as she could have/should have needed. And sadly, while story-wise I’ll choose to read it the first way, I think, realistically, what happened was the second thing instead.

Suki doesn’t even have a meaningful relationship with Aang. AANG. I’m not saying she should have been his best friend, but Oyaji outright says “you kids had a big impact on her”. It’s PLURAL. It’s not supposed to mean “Sokka had a big impact on her”. Hell, Aang is Kyoshi’s PAST LIFE. Kyoshi is, in all likelihood, Suki’s hero! :’D And yet... nothing. Not even featuring Suki as a Kyoshi fangirl who knows all sorts of random facts about her, such as her favorite foods or the habits she enjoyed most, and Aang saying “oh hey, I like doing that too!”, so that they both could rejoice in this unique, curious shared common ground!

Nay. Nothing. Literally nothing. Her only serious, meaningful relationship is with Sokka... and like I said, whenever Sokka is asked about meaningful relationships with girls, his brain goes “Yue”, immediately, even when the plot would benefit from him saying “Suki” at least ONCE. He’ll sit out at night watching the moon, but he can’t be bothered to bring up how frustrating it is for Azula to have captured Suki whether before or after the Invasion. Yes, Sokka is shown to be the kind of guy who grieves quietly: why is it so much easier, then, to see his quiet grieving for Yue than his concern for Suki?

The truth is, it’s a writing shortcoming. It’s not even something I’d blame on Sokka’s character because, as I always have said, his relationship with Yue really highlights what a wonderful boyfriend he can be when he’s seriously interested in someone. He takes Yue out on dates, gives her gifts, fights for her people, fights the fiancé who only objectifies her, tries to protect her from fulfilling a destiny that will kill her? This is all top-tier romance hero behavior. It is. Why the hell isn’t this behavior seen with Suki too?

It’s not a matter of Suki being a warrior rather than a Princess so she doesn’t need him to act the same way he did with Yue: the show outright, literally, explicitly states Suki is a girl and a warrior, implying Sokka could easily enough woo her the same way he does with Yue, if he cared to. But he doesn’t. It’s Suki with the initiative when their actual romantic relationship begins, and later on Sokka can forget Suki is his girlfriend whenever it suits his fancy, to absolutely no consequences.

So... does this mean, then, that Sokka, in canon, only tries really hard when he’s chasing after someone he can’t be with? That he slacks off and drops the ball when the girl is already his? Well, that’s... not good. Not healthy. Not pretty.

This doesn’t mean that there’s nothing good about Sukka altogether, there are a few things about the ship that aren’t bad... but even then, scenes like “Sokka makes a gross sand sculpture and says it’s Suki” aren’t really that heartwarming to me. It’s not only a comedic relief scene that tries to feature these two as super romantic dorks... but it only reinforces one of the main shortcomings in this relationship for me:

Sokka doesn’t even have to TRY.

He doesn’t. He can make a gross-looking statue, say it’s Suki, and she won’t even make suggestions to improve it? She just says it’s perfect this way. It’s basically the kind of coddling Ursa did with Zuko when Zuko messed up in his firebending display and Ursa said it was wonderful. In the case of a couple, it feels like a mix of cute and condescending? Suki accepts Sokka as he is, sure, so she doesn’t challenge him, doesn’t try to make him do better, he doesn’t need to improve his work... because she’s fine with whatever she gets from him.

This is complacency. It’s a relationship neither one needs to make efforts for. Suki will always accept Sokka’s occasional romantic gestures, even if he leaves so much to be desired in his relationship with her, as opposed to his relationship with Yue. And I’m not saying Sokka DOESN’T care about Suki, but he doesn’t need to do better with her, and while that’s just what Sokka may think he wants/needs for the future, in truth, that’s not what makes his character thrive.

What makes Sokka’s character grow amazingly is CHALLENGE. And I don’t mean that he needs a girlfriend difficult to be with and out of reach (like Yue): I mean that, when faced with a love interest who keeps him on his toes and makes him continue pushing his boundaries, Sokka would genuinely develop and grow further as a man, warrior, leader and love interest. Look at how fast he develops into a quality swordsman while training with Piandao: why? Because it was a challenge. Because it was an opportunity to hone his skills. Because he had to rise up to prove himself, and HE DOES. In the Invasion? He feels he can’t measure up to Hakoda, but in the end? He winds up LEADING the whole operation. People FLOCK to him as he draws out the battle plans and strategies they’ll follow so they can figure out where Ozai is and take him out before the eclipse ends. Right after thinking he couldn’t do it, when the situation DEMANDED that he stepped up, he did and he goddamn EXCELLED at it, proving himself well above these challenges indeed.

THESE are the moments where his character shines the brightest. And a relationship that wasn’t so complacent would do this kind of thing for Sokka’s character just as well: a challenging relationship would promote his GROWTH. He wouldn’t be stunted in simplicity with someone who doesn’t give up on him when he spends MONTHS disregarding her circumstances. Because the truth is, I see Sokka as an overachiever in denial: he wants to go the extra mile, to do things no one else has done before, but because he’s stuck in a world where he doesn’t have the crazy powers his friends do, he wrongfully assumes they’re the ones who’ll do amazing things and he’ll just lag behind them, so he figures it’s better not to bother trying to stand out at all. Yet look at him, figuring out the perfect plan to take down Ozai’s fleet: look at him, making such an impression on Piandao, epic swordmaster, that Piandao even says “If you stay on this path, I know that one day you will become an even greater master than I am.”

Sokka has incredible, extraordinary potential as a character. He has huuuuge anxieties and sources of anguish and insecurities, and those only make his potential greater. He has flaws that can be worked on, there’s so much room for growth...

And the true reason I can’t support Sukka, on Sokka’s end, is because I don’t think that relationship will encourage him to grow any further.

Meanwhile, I can’t support it on Suki’s end because I don’t think she deserves to be an afterthought for a boyfriend who has so much going on in his life that she’s a secondary or even tertiary thing in his life unless she’s right in front of him. And even when he doesn’t have that much going on (meaning, during the first FOUR comic trilogies), he’s shown traveling the world with his friends instead of spending time with her. And heck, where Suki SHOULD have arrived in the South Pole with Zuko as his guard during North and South, Suki doesn’t show up at all. Why? Seriously, what sort of logic explains that the Fire Lord’s appointed BODYGUARD would stay behind in the Fire Nation while Zuko travels halfway across the world, with hell knows how many dangers ahead? If she HAD gone with Zuko, she would’ve had a chance to spend more time with Sokka and it’d even be a point in Sukka’s favor. But that doesn’t happen. To make matters even worse, Sokka doesn’t even tell Aang to say hi to Suki for him when Aang leaves to the Fire Nation by himself in Smoke and Shadow? There are TWO WHOLE PANELS as Aang takes off on Appa with NO DIALOGUE. Sokka calling after Aang to ask him to say hi to Suki literally would’ve fit PERFECTLY, right there! But no. Suki doesn’t even get that much from her boyfriend.

Seriously, it’s NOT THAT HARD to show a healthy long-distance relationship. It’s not that difficult to feature Suki and Sokka longing to see each other but having too much going on to meet up. But that’s not what we got with Sukka, not in the comics, not in the show. Fans ARE free to believe otherwise, and I’m not going to trample on someone who thinks we just conveniently never get to see the healthiest aspects of their very positive relationship... but there’s no genuine evidence to back up this belief. It’s just wishful thinking and hoping that things are far better behind the scenes than what we’re genuinely shown.

Again... I blame the writing. Especially seeing as Yang’s writing of Sokka is DISMAL. But it doesn’t erase what’s already there. It doesn’t do away with the very obvious problems in this relationship.

The positive moments Sukka gets are offset, for me, by all the negatives. The meaningful relationship they could have developed feels underdeveloped instead, something we should take for granted is there and nothing more. And even those positive moments and episodes aren’t necessarily that positive?

In particular, I point to The Ember Island Players: there are soooooo many messed up things about Sukka in this episode I have no idea how people aren’t more bothered by them. First of all: the episode features Sokka crying about Yue’s staged death scene, and Suki is shown amused, saying she had no idea Sokka had made out with the moon spirit. First of all: SOKKA DIDN’T TELL SUKI ABOUT YUE. Her initial reaction here is amusement, for some reason...? Yet as we already saw that there’s no real bad blood between her and Toph despite she, of all people, KNOWS Toph has a crush on the same guy she likes, there’s no real reason to think Suki would behave like a jealous fiend if she knew Sokka had a relationship with someone else before her. Yet Sokka doesn’t tell her about it: this implies he either doesn’t trust her, or doesn’t know her well enough to realize she WON’T be a jealous fiend, and outright assumes she will be one because of mistaken preconceptions about how relationships work.

At this point, Sokka and Suki have been officially together since Book 2, episode 12. Book 2 happens in spring. Book 3′s conclusion is at the end of summer. This means Sokka has had about four-five months of a relationship with Suki. Out of which, yes, she spent the majority of those months in prison :’D but then he rescued her! And... apparently proceeded not to tell her about his experiences while fighting in the war? To not share his biggest failure to protect someone he cared about? So... to NOT open up to Suki about anything that genuinely mattered?

Considering he’s willing to snap at Toph when she brings up the moon could be “mean”, considering he’s willing to tell Zuko that his first girlfriend turned into the moon when they’re only starting to trust each other... this unwillingness to tell Suki about Yue feels OFF. It doesn’t make any sense. His relationship with Yue was far from something to be ashamed of. It meant A LOT to him. Why the heck hide it from Suki, when all the reasons sound either condescending or distrustful as hell?

Ah. Because the writers thought this scene would be funny, that’s why.

And the funny scene gets even BETTER when Sokka shushes Suki and proceeds to cry about Yue’s death: he’s shutting her out. And hey... Suki doesn’t like this. She turns her face around and looks pretty irritated, whether by being shushed or by his unwillingness to share his past with her or BOTH THINGS...

... And then the show doesn’t acknowledge this OBVIOUS, SIZABLE, IMPORTANT shortcoming of their relationship ever again.

We’re supposed to assume Sokka explained everything later just because? Hell, he looks like he has absolutely no intentions of doing that. If you ask me, it even could feel like he thinks his relationship with Yue is none of Suki’s business? And that’s not pretty. That’s not good romance writing, no matter how you look at it.

This, of course, is not everything: there’s another two unpleasant situations in this episode alone! :’D

The second one is a slightly smaller one, but bears mentioning all the same: Aang is annoyed when the play makes a mockery of Zutara, so he gets up and leaves: Sokka tells him to bring him snacks. After his initial request, Sokka wraps an arm around Suki and they’re shown surprisingly cuddly now, DESPITE their previous impasse. At first, Suki smiles fondly at him. But then he turns around and asks Aang for more snacks. And then Suki outright looks ANNOYED, while Sokka looks like he doesn’t give a single crap.

This, I feel, ties in with what I mentioned earlier about how Sokka doesn’t even have to try with Suki: Suki isn’t merely a happy girl who thinks Sokka can do no wrong. She CAN be annoyed by him and his behavior, but for some reason, she chooses not to bring up her grievances with how he’s acting, even if it doesn’t sit well with her?

So while there’s supposed to be something so very cute with the monster blob sand statue, her approval doesn’t feel genuine to me. I simply can’t see it as genuine. Because when you feature Suki smiling in that strangely motherly way, saying the statue is “sweet” (instead of, I don’t know, saying she actually sees the artistic merit of it (if she did) or saying he just needs to put in a bit more work), she’s focusing exclusively on making SOKKA feel better about himself. And when Suki is annoyed? He doesn’t have to show remotely the same amount of consideration or compassion she displays for him. Why? Because she sweeps her feelings under the rug and lets him get away with everything he does, even things she’s not happy about. She lets him get away with keeping important secrets, lets him get away with annoying her in the middle of the play, AND...

... lets him get away with rubbing in Suki’s face that Azula kicked her ass :’)

Look, I’m not even being my biased shipper self here. The third unpleasant thing in Ember Island Players is that Suki decides to point out that Team Avatar keeps getting out of deadly pinches by sheer luck and that they lose a lot! She doesn’t say this with concern: she looks sardonic, like she’s legit mocking them. It’d feel completely out of place if she hadn’t been annoyed by Sokka earlier, so it feels (to me) like she’s just taunting him because she’s already not in the best of moods and expects to feel better by making fun of him. Not a terrible crime, but a rather strange one to commit too, considering she’s making fun of her boyfriend damn near dying all the time. You’d think, maybe, that kind of possibility should worry her a little more...?

... But then Sokka retaliates with: “You're one to talk, Suki. Didn't Azula take you captive? That's right, she did!”

Isn’t it goddamn WEIRD that Sokka would bring up what, according to a large amount of Suki’s fanbase, must have been a terribly scarring experience for Suki... just to win an argument with her? Just to piss her off because she’s making fun of him? They’re BOTH shown being remarkably inconsiderate towards each other and the struggles they faced in their respective journeys in this scene. It’s supposed to be lighthearted bickering, but the subject they’re choosing to talk about isn’t lighthearted AT ALL.

According to some Suki fans, Suki could have even been tortured, tormented in thousand ways, by Azula when she took her prisoner. There were whole posts going around about how heartwarming it was for Suki to still be waiting for Sokka, no matter what...!

And THIS is how Sokka reacted to Suki’s patient waiting for him? THIS? By telling her “lol loser Azula caught you anyhow so your argument’s invalid”? If Suki HAD gone through some serious torture, beyond getting stripped off her uniform, how on earth would it be healthy for Sokka to use this allegedly mentally scarring experience AGAINST HIS GIRLFRIEND?

Now then, it WOULD BE fucked up, but the truth is, Suki wasn’t tortured at all, so the whole delusional, tragic “Suki is so emotionally strong because she believed in the man who would come save her even in the darkest of moments!” is honestly nonsense in the end: a girl who was tortured, tormented and anguished by the memories of whatever she experienced in Azula’s hands wouldn’t have retorted to Sokka’s comment with an irritated: “Are you trying to get on my bad side?”

Yet again, Suki is annoyed.

They’re both annoyed by each other’s arguments.

But their discussion ENDS at this point, and goes forgotten, again.

Suki isn’t even a quality bickering source for Sokka, because as soon as Sokka rebuffs with a counterargument she doesn’t like, she turns things personal and takes offense. Where he may not have taken her initial taunt as a particular, personal attack, she does interpret his words that way.

AND THEN THEY PROCEED TO FORGET ABOUT THEIR ARGUMENT AND ITS IMPLICATIONS, YET AGAIN :’)

Now then... is all this so terrible? Am I making too big a deal out of small things that shouldn’t be inspected so closely, especially as they were likely written with humorous intent and nothing more? It’s entirely possible!

You see, I don’t exactly love the way romance is handled in ATLA because it’s frankly always flawed and faulty beyond belief. People often have said one of the three canon relationships is better than the others, but at this point I disagree altogether: they’re all written to be flawed and have huge gaps of logic in the behavior of the characters involved. The girls are always shown as prioritizing the boy above everything else ever, and the boys are too often shown leaving them behind, forgetting about their love interests alarmingly frequently, being outright FORCED by the plot to let go of their attachment to them, whereas there’s no such conflicts or situations with the girls, in the least! Implying that it’s fine for girls to be completely devoted to a relationship, to the point where their whole LIVES revolve around the boy they like, but the boy shouldn’t behave the same way and must learn to leave the girl behind or put her aside instead?

... The implicit sexism in this consistent writing element in ALL THREE CANON RELATIONSHIPS is honestly pretty disturbing. I don’t think I need to say much more about it, do I?

Now though, I will, however, point out that it’s relatively good for canon NOT to show Kataang, Maiko or Sukka as perfect relationships because it IS realistic. It’s not pretty, but it is realistic. These characters are children or teenagers who quite often didn’t even have good role models of romance in their parents or peers, let alone even slightly decent childhoods, so for them to be 100% healthy in terms of romance would have been utterly absurd. Therefore, these kids would be expected to make mistakes and then learn from them so their relationships improve over time.

Sokka and Suki’s relationship is flawed, which only lends MORE believability to it, because the characters aren’t warped to fit the narrative, to play them as unmistakably perfect, ideal partners for each other. But those flaws do lend for problems like the ones I pointed out above...

And you see, the ultimate problem is that these characters DON’T learn from those mistakes. They don’t. Mai and Zuko are shown making the exact same blunders in the show and the comics, hell, sometimes even worse ones in the comics. Sokka and Suki still act like they’re totally in love ONLY when they happen to be in the same place and even then? Suki outright ignores Azula’s zapping attack at Sokka in The Search! SHE’S IN THE SAME COURTYARD! But it’s the THREE BENDERS who come to Sokka’s “rescue”, despite he doesn’t even NEED rescuing, since the attack was goddamn meaningless anyhow.

The point is, however, that Suki is right there, damn it, taking care of APPA. And she’d sooner look after the sky bison that than check on her boyfriend, who was just “attacked” by her WORST ENEMY, WITH WHOM SHE WANTED A REMATCH???

Seriously. What logic is this. What kind of ROMANCE is this. It doesn’t make any sense to me, and if I were a Sukka fan I’d be beyond outraged by watching my favorite relationship written so carelessly.

So, because Yang’s writing isn’t even ALLOWED to move anything too far forward, because Bryke don’t want that, none of these relationships have developed in any interesting ways after the show. AT BEST you could say Kataang definitely act differently in the comics than they did in the show, for better or for worse, so you can say there’s some changes in their dynamics, though those changes aren’t necessarily related to genuine character growth. But Maiko? Same old story. Sukka? Same old story.

What exactly does Sukka do for Sokka at this point? He has someone to make out with whenever they cross paths? Yeah, okay, cool. And? That’s it? For that matter, he could be making out with anyone else just the same. What kind of room for growth does she offer him? Going by how she doesn’t even need him around her, by how she has never needed anything but mediocrity from him, I can’t say there’s anything to be found. Their relationship already dealt with its biggest possible hurdle WHEN THEY FIRST MET. That’s the main growth Suki offered Sokka, and now she can’t give him anything else because he’s way too efficient and learned everything she could teach him right away :’) Paired with this, Suki wasn’t developed enough as a character either, so if she has other regards in which she can teach Sokka a thing or two, we simply don’t know it, and the comics refuse to show it to us too, so up to date, Suki is severely underdeveloped by canon and will continue to be, as far as I can tell.

Which, of course, factors in the next question: what does Sukka do for Suki? Honestly, nothing. If this relationship did something interesting for her character, we’d have tons of things to say and discuss about her, but the truth is all Suki-related discussion tends to have nothing to do with Sokka (her past and growth as a Kyoshi Warrior, her future post-canon, whatever the heck happened to her by LOK’s time... I’ve never seen anyone genuinely pondering anything about her relationship with Sokka beyond “did they stay together or not?!?!”). Suki is at her best when she’s with the Kyoshi Warriors, because it’s the only element of her character that DOESN’T revolve around Sokka. Going by the plot of the Shells comic, she could go travel the world teaching girls self-defense, and kicking the asses of sexist dudes! It’s not really going to deepen her character, sadly, because that’s basically ALL we know about her since the start of the show, aside from her attachment to Sokka. And she doesn’t need Sokka to do this. She could do it by herself just the same.

Literally, just for the sake of giving Suki something else to do, not even for my personal OTP’s sake, I’d gladly see Suki breaking up with Sokka so she can damn explore who she is beyond this relationship? The Kyoshi Warriors serving in the Fire Nation Palace was probably the first interesting development for Suki in canon since she first met Sokka, and even then her role there was never explored fully, let alone was her potentially red-herring budding relationship with Zuko.

But who am I kidding? :’) not gonna happen. For all I know, they got married in canon and had a perfectly happy life together. A perfectly happy, mediocre life, where neither one has to make the slightest effort for the other, in the least. Taking each other for granted, every step of the way!

*sigh* I can’t want this for Sokka, seriously. I can’t. I love his character a lot, but I absolutely hate how he’s written in this relationship. Most my understanding of how Sokka behaves in a relationship has come from how he behaves with Yue, precisely because, as brief as their relationship was, he seriously appeared to value her above so many other things, to fight for her, to do anything he could to help her without asking for anything in return. And that’s why I write him as I do.

Love can feel different when you experience it with different people, of course, and I’m not asking for Sokka to be written exactly the same in two different relationships... but the difference is just way too vast. I don’t question he cares about Suki, but I do question that he genuinely loves her. This is NOT how someone in love behaves. And frankly, Suki’s behavior isn’t that of a girl in genuine love either. She likes him plenty, is impressed by the things he and his friends have achieved, but is it genuine love? How can it be, when they apparently can’t even trust each other about their personal experiences (Yue in Sokka’s case, spending months as a prisoner in Suki’s)? When his behavior rubs her the wrong way and annoys her when they’re at their most casual? When the bickering he’d likely enjoy having with a significant other just falters after two exchanges with Suki because she takes offense to what he said?

In conclusion:

Writing: the writing of this relationship is frankly really, REALLY flawed, far more than most fans are willing to acknowledge (whether fans of the ship or of the show in general). They try to make jokes with this relationship, but these jokes end up highlighting serious flaws in this relationship that are never addressed. Also, their relationship is hardly ever treated as something majorly important for Sokka, who constantly privileges his bond with Yue over Suki, which is radically contrasted with Suki, who has no meaningful relationships in the show beyond Sokka. As I pointed out earlier, the writing proposes the boy doesn’t need to revolve around the girl, but the girl DOES revolve around the boy? Absolutely appalling.

Dynamics: beyond their exchanges on their very first episode, their dynamics don’t offer anything unique to their characters. You can replace Suki with any other female character, and Sokka’s struggle to let go of Yue and accept a new love interest in his life wouldn’t change in any considerable way. It didn’t HAVE to be Suki, let alone a Suki whose original personality (sassy, demanding, proud to the point of bordering on arrogant, prone to making mistakes because of this flaw...) was completely hijacked by a new one (perfectly nice, friendly, reasonable, considerate, flirty, not demanding in the least, virtually flawless...). There’s not much Sokka can teach the Book 2-onwards Suki, or much else Suki can teach Sokka. There’s not much they can learn together either, because the writing never offers them new challenges they haven’t handled before. Their dynamics exclusively hinge on Suki being reliable in action situations, weak humor centered around Sokka being a mediocre boyfriend, and making out. That’s all their relationship provides, and frankly, they BOTH can do better than that.

Potential: I don’t think Sukka has much more potential beyond what we already have seen. Their natural chemistry isn’t anything out of this world, it’s FINE, but it’s not exactly something extraordinary that can’t be found anywhere else. And that’s really at the crux of why I don’t ship it or find much enjoyment in it: neither Sokka nor Suki appear to be at their best in this relationship. Suki is outright worse off by this relationship because she went from feminist poster child to a girl who REVOLVES AROUND A BOY. Please, let’s let that sink in? There are better possible relationships for them, relationships that absolutely could explore aspects of BOTH characters that have gone underdeveloped and overshadowed in canon, just for the sake of weak humor and make-out sessions.

*sigh*

Fact is, most the problems with Sukka are a matter of poor writing. With better writing, the relationship could be good, and would be easier to take seriously. But even then? I wouldn’t ever expect this relationship to outshine other possible ships for both Sokka and Suki. If you feature another girl as Sokka’s big, rude “girls are fighters too” awakening... what’s left for Sukka? Speaking from experience, seeing as I outright wrote that: without this factor, their relationship wouldn’t be anything particularly noteworthy. Sokka would respect Suki right off the bat, sure, maybe surprise her a bit because of how unpredictable and unexpected he can be, but there’d be no genuine reason for them to seriously develop feelings for each other. That their entire bond hinges on their first encounter, rather than the growth of their relationship across time, is far from appealing for me in a relationship. I absolutely need more than that to ship something.

I’ve already brought up most these arguments in the past, as well as others I probably forgot to mention, but I can give you one more post to look at (if you want it), specifically about how a certain ship can be a vast improvement for Sokka over Sukka :’D This, I’d hope, will clarify what I mean when I say other ships can offer Sokka far more than Sukka does. I didn’t dig into it here, since I tried to focus exclusively on why I won’t ship this, but that might help expand your understanding of my reasons not to support it. And then there’s also the ship I support for Suki... here are my arguments on that topic too. Admittedly, I was more centered on Zuko in this second post, but I basically already gave you all the arguments why Suki in Sukka doesn’t work for me :’D and there’s a few arguments in there about why Zuko would be a far more interesting love interest for Suki than Sokka has been so far, too. So... that’s that. I hope I gave you plenty to think about :’D

#anon #all this is about the ship itself #I have no qualm with the shippers except a select few #who exhibited some really gross behavior years ago #and whom I've happily not crossed paths with since then #I have no severe qualms with this ship's supporters #not like I do with OTHER ships #that won't be mentioned #so no I'm not saying no one should ship it #but I'm saying this is why I don't #*breeeathes*#anyways I hope you enjoy the veeeery long post anon

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raqnguyen · 3 years

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The Dragon Game, Book 1, Chapter 1 (Prologue)

Mono opened his eyes and saw nothing but black. It was a bright type of black, maybe better described as an extremely dark gray. The monotony of the color made it hard to perceive depth. He couldn’t tell if he was in a room or not, whether there was a wall near or far.

Where was he? Was this a dream? He looked around but only saw the same gray in all directions. He guessed it was a dream — though he’d never experienced one this lucid before. That was the last time he ate Smith’s cookies before bedtime, he vowed. This dream was trippy on an entirely different level.

Wasn’t something supposed to happen? It was so quiet that Mono could hear his own heartbeat. The quiet drum gradually grew louder and faster as he continued to search for something that could help him orientate himself. The lack of sensory input made the atmosphere feel cramped, quickly growing claustrophobic, and he hated the feeling of being trapped.

“Let there be light,” he joked out loud. It was both a joke and wishful thinking; anything to break the silence and lighten the mood. There was a slight echo but not enough to help him determine anything about his surroundings. What was this place? Mono was getting a bit panicked now. He really, really hated the feeling of being trapped.

Suddenly, a bright light flashed and a woman appeared wearing a white dress. She was floating, gradually descending with her eyes closed and arms outstretched as if in imitation of angels found in paintings. She spoke in a light yet serious tone.

“Hello Yamada, and welcome to Passing. Unfortunately, you died saving that girl from the automobile accident.”

As her descent brought her closer, Mono could make out more details about her. She looked to be about his age and wasn’t actually in a dress. It was a white, flowing garment with a golden sash of cloth tied around the waist – probably a gofuku or kimono, though he wasn’t too sure about oriental fashion and their semantics. She was beautiful, but in a way that made him uneasy. Her face was completely symmetrical down to the tiniest detail. It made her look pretty but alien. Like something trying to be human; a painted face on an image.

“We, the spirits and deities of Japan, noticed your courageous act and would like to reward you with a choice while also submitting a request. You see, Yamada Taro, we –”

“Excuse me, but I think you have the wrong guy. And I’m pretty sure I’m still alive.”

When she had first started talking, he hadn’t registered what she was saying. The sudden appearance and her appearance itself caught him off guard. But when Mono heard her call him “Yamada” again, he couldn’t help but speak up. She scowled at being interrupted and opened up her eyes before gawking at the sight of him.

“You’re not dead!”

“Yeah, that’s what being alive means – though I know a few classmates who’d argue otherwise.”

“Th-this is impossible,” she stammered, her tone no longer as formal as before. “No living person should be able to get here. How did you?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I was hoping that you could tell me. Who are you? Where are we?”

“This is Tsūka, a place where the dead go before moving on into the afterlife. My name is Sojourn, and I’m a greater Dōsojin who is in charge of this portion of the Passing in Japan. I don’t know how you’re still alive, Yamada, but you were brought here so that we, the spirits and deities of Japan, could both reward you with a choice while also submitting a request.”

This didn’t seem like a dream anymore; she was too real, too concise, and too loud. But this couldn’t be real either, the situation was exactly like a Japanese cartoon he had watched a while back. The main character, a boy who dies in a car accident trying to save a girl, meets a goddess in the afterlife and is sent off on an adventure to another world instead of remaining dead. He didn’t know what to think.

“I was getting to this before you had rudely interrupted, but we actually –”

“Look, I really think you have the wrong guy.” Mono spoke up again without waiting for her to finish. “My name isn’t Yamada Taro, it’s Mono Somnium. I’m not even from Japan.”

“Are you sure?” Her question was so forceful it took him aback. How could he not be sure? Maybe this really was a dream and Mono was supposed to follow along. No, dream or not, following the script meant that he would be sent to some other world or dimension. On the off chance that this was real, Mono refused to leave his current life behind; he had just gotten it figured out after years of struggling.

“Yeah, can’t you tell?” Mono asked. “We aren’t even speaking Japanese.”

“I’m a Dōsojin,” she reminded him. “I can communicate with people of all languages.”

Oh, that explained a lot. As they had been speaking, the uneasy feeling inside of Mono kept growing. Now he knew why. She had been speaking in Japanese to him and he had understood the meaning of her words without actually knowing a speck of the language. When she had said Dōsojin, Mono immediately understood that she was a Japanese god of travelers – specifically, she was a goddess of foreign travelers. This also explained why he kept hearing the name Tsūka and the word Passing interchangeably. A chill ran down Mono’s spine. The reality of his situation was starting to sink in.

“That’s awesome, and this has been a really interesting experience,” Mono began. “But since I’m clearly not who you think I am and this wasn’t meant for me, I’d like to go back now or wake up. Whatever is convenient for y–”

“That’s not possible,” Sojourn cut in.

Mono’s palms started sweating and his heartbeat, which had slowed down after she had shown up and saved him from that swallowing emptiness, started racing. He felt trapped.

“What do you mean?”

“Tsūka is a place of passing,” she explained. “If you enter here, you have to leave a different way you came. Normally, I’d offer the choices of either entering the afterlife or going to a different world. But since you’re alive, you don’t get a choice. You have to go.”

“Can’t I just pass over to the new world for a brief second and then come back?” Mono agitatedly asked.

She shook her head. “Passing between worlds is extremely difficult and can only happen once every twelve full moons. Once you go through, you’d be stuck until this time next year.”

That was not what he wanted to hear. Mono could feel his chest start tightening, he almost couldn’t breathe. This was really bad. What was he going to do now? He was going to lose everything and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Don’t worry!” Sojourn had noticed his anxiety and tried reassuring him. “In a year's time I can call you back here and you can go back. That’s not too bad right? Spending a year away from boring, normal life in a world with magic?”

The tightening eased up a little. “Magic?” He repeated.

She smiled. “Yeah, magic! It’s not like the magic you find in most books on Earth either. It’s unique for everyone and changes based on their perceptions, beliefs, and values. The world you’re going to is one of infinite possibility – especially for someone from Earth where encountering creative writing on a daily basis is normal. You won’t be able to do anything at first but you will once you get the hang of it.”

Mono loved stories. When he was younger and before life had taken a hard twist, he used to read as many fantasy stories as possible. His mother had once scolded him for trying to sell his clothes on the internet so that he could buy more books. He couldn’t help himself, the worlds he read were amazing and kept him up late at night thinking about the “what if”s that they created. What could he do there? Would he be able to fly? Fling spells from wands like his favorite characters? Mono stood there for a moment imagining the possibilities.

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad.” He said at last.

“Great!” Her smile grew wider. “I’ll just finish the process and you’ll be on your –”

“Wait.” She frowned as Mono interrupted her yet again. “How will I speak with people I meet? Doesn’t this world have different languages?”

She scrunched her face in annoyance. “I almost forgot about that. You’re right, and I normally give people who decide to go my blessing so that they can talk to people like I do. I’ll do it right now by putting my symbol on the side of your forehead.”

Sojourn raised her arm, her index finger pointed at Mono, and began to walk towards him. Instinctively, Mono took several steps backwards.

“What’s wrong now?” She huffed.

“Can you put it on an item or something?” Mono asked. “And make some way so that I can toggle it off to be more immersed in the languages of people I meet.”

The truth was, Mono hated being touched. It didn’t matter if they were average or attractive, no one touched him and especially not his face. He knew he couldn’t say that to her though, because he was certain that would have offended her somehow. So instead, he said the first thing that popped into his head to get out of that awkward situation.

Sojourn gave him a hard look and stared at him for a few moments. At last she raised her hand and light began to coalesce in her palm. It grew so bright that Mono had to look away until it dimmed. When he looked back, a white stone sat in the palm of her hand. Sojourn extended the stone to Mono and he took it.

“I’m a goddess of Japan, so my presence in the other world is limited,” she warned him. “If you lose that stone, I won’t be able to locate you to send you back.”

“Got it.” The stone was pure white which contrasted with the dark gray surroundings and was slightly warm to the touch. Mono pocketed it and looked back at Sojourn.

“Anything else?” She asked. “No more last-second interruptions or unexpected reveals?”

Mono shook his head.

“Well then, good luck on your journey and see you in a month’s time.” She snapped her fingers and a glowing circle formed around Mono’s feet.

A month’s time? How would she see him in a month when it was supposed to be a year? Actually, what about his clothes? He was still only wearing the clothes he slept in before all of this happened.

“Wait! I did forget somethi–” Mono was quickly cut off as the world turned from dark gray to pitch black. He lost consciousness.

#fiction #writing #fiction writing #my story #fiction story #fantasy

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blueyesandleatherjacket · 6 years

Text

Ghost of you, 9/?

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 9/?.

Pairings: Human!Nine x Rose; Human!Ten x Jack; Clara Oswald x Olivia Baxter (OC).

Synopsis: "Maybe had they done a mistake by giving Maxence a sedative."

A/N: I've started writing this fiction last year after I had a particularly weird dream (as usual) and after I wrote the prologue, I've put it aside to work on other stuff. I've gone back to it not so long ago and decided that it would be the fiction I would post next, after not posting anything for a while. I must have watched I am legend and Game of thrones way too much to come out with something like this but I hope you will like it. I am not a scientist, nor did I have a particular knowledge of sciences. I do my researches on the internet like everyone to make sure everything is as close to the reality as possible. I have a literature degree only. Writing is what I do and it makes me explore next fields, and learn new things.

“It is safer and wiser to cure unhealthy rivalry than to suppress it.” - Obafemi Awolowo.

CHAPTER 9:

Rose was back to her previous spot: in the cage with the shadow of her husband. He was still asleep. The sedative Liv had given him must have been a really strong one or it was just that he needed that sleep. The rats and even Peggy showed no sign of needing sleep. They barely ever lay down and got some rest. They were always going round and round in their cages. Only the sane rats were getting sleep. The infected ones who weren’t showing symptoms were sleeping too. Maybe had they done a mistake by giving Maxence a sedative. She approached the interactive glass wall and checked his vital signs. Another invention from Zachary: inject tiny self-destructive sensors connected to the lab system in the blood of the subject. It was easier than sticking sensors on every inch of skin. Sensors that could be torn off whenever that subject was angry. The negative point of those sensors was that they were less economical because you had to renew them every week. It was already a miracle that they could survive so long in a hostile system and Zachary was doing his best for them to last longer. Anyway, this was a great evolution for their work. It made things a lot easier. Especially since they could see what a nightwalker was able to do. Rose observed the details displayed on the wall. Maxence’s vital signs were different from usual, more human like. Nightwalkers had a very high blood pressure and so their heartbeats were faster than normal. But at this precise moment, Maxence was showing almost normal vital signs. Was it the sedative? Like an after effect or something? She glanced at Maxence. His skin was still translucid with blue tentacles and yet, she could see through this ghostly appearance. Rose opened a video recording software. She was gonna do her new video log here. It wasn’t like she had anyone to talk to. Maxence was just asleep from the drugs and Zachary was himself napping behind the control panels. He had done his job perfectly and could get some rest. No one was gonna report him to Tegan. Just like no one was gonna report Rose because she was being too close of an infected person. They were a family and a family stuck together whenever they were facing a hard time. Sixth day of October 2017. Day 1750 since the infection. Rose Spitz video log. A few hours have barely passed by since the arrival of our first and only living specimen but we’re already working hard to improve and correct our attempts of a cure. It’s too early to have any real result but some differences already show up between humans and animals. If our current patient suffers from the same symptoms the rats and Peggy have, he’s also distinguishing himself by having different reactions. We know for sure that infected people are deprived of all the primary needs: they don’t feel the thirst, the hunger or the need for sleep. That’s what we think at least because that’s what we’ve seen so far but our patient number one shows us another side of this disease. A more human side of it. At 5:33am, he was given a sedative, a normal dose for a normal human since we didn’t know what dose would work on him. He has fallen asleep in a few seconds. His system has recognised the sedative and reacted positively to it. Right now, it’s 6:43am and the patient is still asleep. He almost seemed normal like this, if it wasn’t for the translucent skin and blue tentacles. His system is also reacting to the sedative, calming down his vital signs. 72 beats every minute, blood pressure at 130/85mmHg, PaO2 at 78mmHg and pulse ox at 92 percent. Still out of the normal rates but close enough. The sedative forced the system to a more human pace. The patient hasn’t woken up yet. We may have another hour before he does. Unless it goes wrong. Rose swallowed and shut the video recording. She sent the file to her computer and shut the interactive screen. She pressed her forehead against the cold glass. It was hard to speak of her husband that way but it was her job and she had to do it, to tell all the small details that could lead them to that cure. She didn’t have any idea of where they were going at the moment. She just had the feeling of going nowhere, of losing everything, and she hated this. She hated feeling so powerless while everyone around her was falling. She didn’t even have her job to keep her mind distracted because her job reminded her of Maxence, of all the time he had spoken to her about sciences, about all the things he had taught her, about all the moments they had had together until now. She turned around and looked at the sleeping form of her formerly husband. She imagined him outside of this cage, outside of this lab. She imagined him in their bed, at home. He wouldn’t wear these awful grey pyjamas. Instead, he would be in his boxers, or even naked. She had photographed him many times while he was asleep and completely unaware. The pictures did justice to him only when he wasn’t posing for them. Her fingers would brush over his naked skin and he would smile as his body would cover in gooseflesh. His voice would be husky from the sleep he would wake up from slowly. He would wrap his arms around her and press his lips to hers. And he would make love to her softly. A repetitive beeping interrupted her daydreaming and she quickly wiped the single tear rolling on her cheek. Well, tried too. Her hand met with the plastic of her suit protecting her from the virus. How she wanted to rip it away! But she wasn’t Maxence, she wouldn’t accept being a science subject. It meant they would have to kill her or throw her out of this place. And she wouldn’t bear being away from Maxence even if she was losing herself to the noctiagus. His love for her was stronger than his love for science. She was convinced that it was that love he had for her that forced him back here to serve as a science subject. He had wanted to stay by her side, he had known she would take care of him and his first reactions to her presence had made her certain of it. She looked at the wall. The beeping wasn’t coming from it. She had shut the interactive functions. She glanced around her. Nothing was susceptible of making that beeping sound in there and she couldn’t hear sounds from the outside as long as the intercom was off. Then, she realised that it came from her jeans pocket. Her phone was beeping. Probably out of battery. It would shut off soon enough and she would have to charge it to have access to her pictures with Maxence. This sudden thought gave her an idea. She reactivated the interactive wall and logged in her personal cloud. She picked some of the best pictures she had of Maxence and herself, of him and his friends, of him and his colleagues. Once she had all the pictures she needed, no more than ten, she logged out of her cloud. When Maxence would be awake, she would try something with him. She shut the interactive wall again and walked to her husband. His vital signs were almost normal, human. She delicately lifted one of his eyelids. His eyes were as black as when he had arrived here but she could see a pale blue circle in the middle. The ghost of the blue eyes she couldn’t see before. Did it mean that the true Maxence was coming back to her? She could only hope for it. Her hand softly stroked his hairy cheek. He hadn’t shaved in a while. It didn’t bother her. She liked when he was a bit hairy. It was making him sexier. He always laughed whenever she said it. He was refusing to think of himself as handsome. Gargoyle was the word he used. Rose jumped when he suddenly opened his eyes and stared at her with those black frightening eyes. The blue ring was still there. He blinked a couple times, something she had seen him do more than once since he was a nightwalker. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to check his sight. No one had thought of it so far. She stayed still and observed him. He raised a hand and placed it over hers on his cheek. A smile crossed his lips and he tried to speak. A reflex he was supposed to have lost. Nothing came out of his throat but Rose could see the word. Her name. It was her name. “Yes, my love. I’m here.” She gave him a kind reassuring smile but she could see his fear of facing his wife in a cosmonaut suit. He could not even touch her or kiss her. That was frustrating him. He tried to speak again but words remained stuck. He choked on them. “Shh, it’s okay. You can’t speak, honey. Your brain doesn’t know what it is anymore.” But the fact he could think of precise words was a good thing. It meant part of his brain was still working and thinking quite clearly. She had to write it down in her report. “You’re home. In the lab. We’re taking great care of you.” Maxence sat up slowly. He wished Rose wasn’t wearing this suit. He wanted to touch her. He was dying to touch her. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to contaminate her and force her to live in one of those cages. He scratched his neck and his fingers met the bandage covering the bite. He frowned. Rose took his hand in hers. “Do you remember how it happened?” It was a bit blurry at first, but the memories came back to him. The mission outside, the kid, the bite, Allegro dragging him away from the nightwalkers, being locked in a bunker, and the crate. Allegro had put him in the crate and brought him back here. He acquiesced. “You’re healing well. The wound wasn’t pretty but it’s better now. I’ll change the bandage later.” The memories were haunting his mind now and it was making him nervous. Rose could feel it. Her hand found his face again and forced him to look up at her. The light circle of blue was already fading away and it saddened her. She was about to hug him, to comfort him, when she saw movements in the cage next to Maxence’s. It had been activated and Zachary was checking all the settings to be sure it was okay to welcome another infected person. Rose walked to the intercom. “Zach? What is going on?” “Liv has Allegro’s results. He’s infected. No symptoms on him. But the virus is in him.” “Damn it.” On the bed, Maxence had grabbed his head in his hands. That was entirely his fault if Allegro was infected, if Xavier was dead. For a nightwalker, he was experiencing a lot of feelings. This part of his brain was supposed to shut down with the virus. Was it because he was struggling not to lose his humanity? “T is working on the scans you’ve made. He wants you to go and work on the samples you have. Adam is already done with the blood.” Rose was ignoring Zachary. She was too focused on her husband. She walked back to him. He was too anxious. Definitely something that only Maxence, the real Maxence, could do. She cupped his cheeks. “Look at me. Maxence, look at me. This is not your fault. Alright? You were given that order. It was his fault. He threw you on the lion’s den and I promise you we’ll find that cure and save you and Allegro. And then, we’ll kick their fucking asses. They have to pay for this. They will pay for this.” Maxence blinked. The blue rings were gone. He was gone. “I love you, Maxence. I’ll never let you down.” He tilted his head. He had understood what she was saying to him but he couldn’t answer to her, or feel something. His feelings were gone and he wanted them back. He wanted to feel what love was, what loving someone and being loved by this special someone felt like. And what did it mean, be strong? He watched her leave the cage. He could still see her – well, her silhouette – as she made her way to the other cage. He got up and went to the wall his cage shared with the other one. He saw three persons coming in. They put down the crate and opened it. Allegro was a much better patient than Maxence but they were different patients. The virus was acting differently on them but unfortunately, it was turning them into study objects. Rose didn’t stay with them for too long. Liv could perfectly handle the situation with Mickey and Kyle. She walked to Tegan’s office. The man was working on the scans. Markers were scattered all over his desk and the scans were full of notes. Rose knocked on the door. Tegan started and turned to face the door. When he saw her, he came to open the door. She stepped on and the door was closed behind her. “I guess you haven’t started working on the samples.” His tone was lightly blaming her for not working on their cure when it was getting more urgent than ever. “He needed me.” “He needs the cure.” “Speaking of this…” “You’ve found something?” “It’s more an observation that I’ve made by being around him. That sedative we gave him had some interesting side effects. I’ve recorded some of them on my video log but you might hear it now.” “Go on.” “The sedative makes him more human. His system is coming back to normal when he’s asleep. Heartbeats, breathing, blood pressure were back to the latest results we have from his medical visit. I’ve also noticed that his iris was visible in the black.” “Anything else?” “He tried to speak to me, and he was struggling against his feelings. Guilt, fear, confusion. It disappeared when the sedative stopped having an effect on him.” “Hm.” Tegan turned back to his scans and Rose raised an eyebrow. She was angry that he was ignoring her and considering these remarks as her undying hope to see something human in Maxence. She had seen it and it was on the video recording of the day. It wasn’t her imagination. It was real. “Come here.” He was bent over the scans once again and he made her a sign to come closer when she didn’t react. He wanted to show her something. She stepped closer and looked at all the scans, deciphering some of the writing on them. “Do you see it?” The difference between the three scans? She sure was seeing it for how clear it was. The first one was marked with a “before infection” note. It was Maxence’s results from the last checkup that had been made in him. The second was wearing the inscription “after infection – before the sedative”. The scan wasn’t one of the best since Maxence kept moving but it was clear enough to see that the brain wasn’t working like it should. On the third one – “after infection – after the sedative” – it was a mix between the two first ones. The areas controlling dreams and feelings were active when they were totally off when Maxence was awake. “The nigtwalkers are deprived from the primary needs that make us human: sleep, hunger, thirst, feelings. But if you force their system into one of those needs, like sleep, it appears that they can come back to their normal self. You’re not the only one to have noticed it, Rose.” “But it’s only temporary. Once the effects of the sedative wear off, he was that… he wasn’t himself anymore.” “Yes, but it’s another clue given to us. We just have to work on that new lead. Write your report and send it to me. I’ll transfer it to Martha with my own conclusions.” “Alright.” “And do your job before going back to him.” “Yes.” Tegan had made it sound like a suggestion but Rose was taking it as an order. After all, he was the boss now and she was just his second in command. And he was right, Maxence needed the cure more than he needed her. She was the one who needed him around, just to know that he was still there somehow. On that thought, she went to her lab to work on the samples she had taken from Maxence earlier.

Colin had managed to get his hands on Maxence’s blood. He had knocked Adam out for that one purpose. It had also been to give that little prat a little lesson he wouldn’t forget so easily. While he was counting the stars above his head, Colin had opened the cold room and had stolen some of the blood that was kept there. Only two tubs so no one would suspect anything. It wasn’t much to work with but it would do for now. Until Adam gave in and became his spy. He was working with precaution not to lose any drop of blood. It wasn’t easy to work with so little but he was still managing to get better results than that team of losers. They were gonna regret their decision to have put him aside when he would have found the solution. CBC with Differential/Platelet White blood cells: 12,8/ul. 4,0 – 10,5. Red blood cells: 4,5/ul. 4,10 – 5,60. Haemoglobin: 12,5/g/dL. 12,5 – 17,0. Haematocrit: 40%. 36,0 – 50. MCV: 84fL. 80 – 98. MCH: 27,2pg. 27,0 – 34,0. MCHC: 32,9g/dL. 32,0 – 36,0. RDW: 12%. 11,7 – 15,0. Platelets: 260/uL. 140 – 415. Neutrophils: 65%. 40 – 74. Lymphs: 46%. 14 – 46. Monocytes: 5%. 4 – 13. Eos: 3%. 0 – 7. Basos: 1%. 0 – 3. Neutrophils (Absolute): 7/uL. 1,8 – 7,8. Lymphs (Absolute): 4/uL. 0,7 – 4,5. Monocytes (Absolute): 0,4/uL 0,1 – 1,0. Eos (Absolute): 0,3/uL. 0,0 – 0,4. Baso (Absolute): 0,2/uL. 0,0 – 0,2. Immature Granulocytes: 0,5%. 0 – 1. Immature Gran (Abs): 0,1/uL. 0,0 – 0,1. Colin read the results of the test he had just done on Maxence’s blood. A simple complete blood formula to see where the troubles were. The results seemed pretty normal to him despite the current condition of the man. His body was fighting an infection which wasn’t surprising and it was trying to heal the bite and burns while fighting the virus. His immune system was overwhelmed with work and the fact that he wasn’t eating or sleeping wasn’t helping it to be stronger. So Maxence was suffering from a certain anaemia. Adam had noticed the presence of leukocytes in his own notes and he hadn’t made a conclusion of that, but Colin did. Those leukocytes, it meant the fool was fighting the virus as if he had any chance to heal himself with just his will. Something was forcing him to fight, to come back to his real self. His wife obviously. How cliché of him. For a friend of Maxence, these results would be alarming. If the man kept struggling against the virus, he would kill himself. His own body would work against him and slowly kill him. Good thing he was in a bubble completely sterile. His system could only fight one virus at a time and the noctiagus was the top priority. If he was to catch even a simple cold, he would suffer from it longer than normal. Or he would die from this. The two options were quite nice for Colin. He had stopped being Maxence’s friend a long time ago. They used to be rivals but Maxence getting it all had caused Colin to get envious and jealous and that was why they were the best enemies now. The world would be boring without an adversary as clever as Maxence. That was why Colin was working on this cure instead of watching everything happen. He would be the saviour for once. He was doing the work of many men and women all alone but he didn’t mind. He preferred working alone. Everyone was thinking he was a sociopath because of it, and because he liked seeing the others around him in pain. He wasn’t refuting those rumours. He liked hearing them here and now whenever he was walking in a corridor. He would rather be feared than loved. All the contrary of that good old Maxence. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven once wrote Milton and Colin had made this quote his motto. The world was hell and he was forming his realm slowly. The first step was this: healing Maxence Spitz and showing him who was the best of them both. Colin considered himself as the best. After all, he wouldn’t have had the bad idea of getting infected and giving his body to sciences. He wasn’t so idiot, nor generous. He put a drop of blood on a small glass plate and sealed it. Then, he placed it under his microscope. The usual cells appeared under his eyes when he looked through the magnifying glass. He changed the settings of his work utensil to have a better sight on that unusual behaviour the cells were having. He found the usual lymphocytes – a great lot of them – monocytes, eosinophils, basophils, neutrophils and platelets. He also found the virus, a spiky ball of green and violet attacking the other cells and eating them. No mercy in there. The lymphocytes were producing antibodies to fight but the noctiagus was stronger than Maxence’s blood cells. It was winning and leaving bodies in its wake. This thing was worse than any existing cancer and Colin was fascinated by it. Whoever or whatever had created it was a real genius. He wished he was that genius. He put the small glass plate away and wrote some more notes on the cells behaviour. He had an idea of how he was gonna process to mix another cure. He wrote down the formula he had mixed previously for Rose and Clara. He grabbed another pen of another colour and corrected what was wrong in it. He replaced those false data with the ones he was deducing from his observations. It didn’t take him long before he could find a new formula that was more elaborate and more precise than the former one. Creating it was the hardest part. He took his time. He didn’t fear to be double-crossed by Tegan’s team. They were all a bunch of losers. Jack only thought about having sex with the whole building, Rose was too devastated by the loss of her husband to be efficient, Martha was far behind him, Tegan… Tegan was just a weak idiot who had been given power. And that power would destroy him. His new cure was done. The day had gone by very quickly and it was night again. He hadn’t slept in more than two days and yet, he was still good at what he was doing. He filled a small vial with a dark green fluid and put a cork on it. He made sure that it was well-sealed and stuck a label on it. He didn’t write the formula, just the number of the cure: #344. Then, he slipped it in his pocket and put away his notes. No one needed to know what he was doing in there. He left his lab when he was done. Now that his cure was done, he had to find a way to make sure it would be given to the idiot Maxence was. He went to the dormitories. He knew he would find Adam there. Liv must have examined him and sent him to rest. He couldn’t work with the headache he supposedly had now. But he could pretend he needed to see Maxence for a test. “I said I didn’t want to be a part of your plans.” Colin smirked and turned around. He hadn’t even had to go to the room Adam was sharing with his colleagues to find him. The young man came out of the small kitchen they had while Colin was walking down the corridor. He turned around. Except for them, the corridor was empty. “You also said you wanted to be the best.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “We both know you have no chance of finding a cure to this virus, pretty boy. You might be clever and manipulative, you don’t have the right knowledge to mix something as intricate as this cure.” He put his hand to his pocket and pulled out the vial he showed to Adam. “I do.” “How did you…” “It doesn’t matter. I’ve mixed a new cure and you’re the only one to know.” “Well, great for you. But you can’t get any close to Maxence.” “But you do.” “I won’t do that.” “And if that’s the right cure, Adam? You would leave your boss into the claws of death?” Adam hesitated. He was nervously picking at his fingers, thinking about he best way to do things. Colin was right: he couldn’t mix a cure on his own but Colin definitely could and he was real good at it. If the vial he had in hand was the solution to that virus and Adam refused to test it then, he was condemning Maxence. As ambitious as he was, Adam didn’t want anyone to die. So he had to give in and accept that cure. Colin was winning again. “What do you want?” “A copy of everything they will send to you. All the results of all the tests. I can’t have access to it but you do. I need them to do a better work. If the one I’ve done here isn’t good enough.” Colin lightly shook the vial and the dark green colour caught Adam’s eyes. He had no choice: he accepted and Colin gave him the new cure. Now, Adam had to find a way to give it to Maxence. Knowing the man wasn’t trusting anyone anymore, it wouldn’t be an easy task…

To be continued...

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In the next chapter:

Jack was highlighting the most important data from the results given by Tegan. He was remarking the same details that Colin had noted earlier – details he wouldn’t share – and came to the same conclusions. He was alarmed by the risks there were for Maxence to die from the virus so he sent a message to Liv and Zach for them to keep a closer eye on him and be sure he wouldn’t get in any trouble, more than he already was. This done, he worked on the DNA data he had gathered. Maxence’s results were similar to Peggy’s but his genetic code was presenting some interesting particularities that needed to be studied to find the reason why it was so different.

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Fanfic Friday: Breathless, Chapter 10 [FINAL]

This chapter is longer than the other ones, but there was a lot to be resolved! I could’ve opted to split it into two chapters, but for structural reasons I wanted this fic to have ten chapters. I hope you guys will enjoy it; I certainly had a lot of fun writing it 😉.

A little disclaimer: everything I know about childbirth is through the internet and CtM.

The contractions started in the night. Shelagh felt them, decided they were probably Braxton Hicks, and forced herself to go back to sleep. When she woke again, Patrick had already left for work, leaving a hastily-scribbled note in his illegible handwriting.

Shelagh made breakfast for herself and Timothy, doing her best to ignore the pains in her lower back.

“Are you all right?” Timothy asked her, frowning. The way he knit his brows was exactly the same as Patrick’s.

“Yes. Don’t worry about me. You must go to school,” she said, giving him a tight smile.

“You look pale.”

“Yes, well, your little brother or sister is not giving me much time to sleep,” Shelagh said, patting her belly. “Baby keeps moving around an awful lot.”

“That’s good,” Timothy said, spooning the last of his porridge into his mouth. “And it’s normal, isn’t it? For babies to move around a lot in the last few months?”

“It’s perfectly ordinary,” Shelagh agreed. Another sharp twinge of pain sizzled along her nerves, robbing her of the breath she needed to say anything more. She bit the inside of her cheek so as not to make a sound.

What if these are real contractions?

She looked at her watch, counting the seconds to see how long the pain lasted.

Forty seconds. That’s not good.

“Do you mind… if I don’t walk you to school?” she asked. She hadn’t done it often, not in the last few months, but still…

“I’ll be fine, Mum,” Timothy said. He took his coat and bag, hesitated on the threshold, and turned back to give her a quick peck on the cheek. “You’ll call Dad if something is wrong, won’t you?”

“Of course, dearest,” she said, smiling that strange, tight smile again, keeping it up till Timothy was no longer in sight. Then, she let her mask slip, and went to the phone immediately, trying not to whimper as another stitch tore through her.

Five minutes since the last one. I need Patrick, she thought as she rung the surgery.

But Patrick was not there, and his assistant had no idea when he’d be back.

Don’t panic. You’re a midwife, for crying out loud, and these are probably just Braxton Hicks, she admonished herself.

She made herself another cup of tea and forced the sweet brew down. To calm herself, she took her Bible, and read some of her favourite passages, singing a hymn or two. There was a familiarity in the words, in the steady cadence of her own voice, even if she was rather short of breath these days.

She rested the heavy book on her bump, stroking the soft leather with one finger, her stretched flesh with another. The pain had eased a little. Shelagh smiled. “What’s all this fuss about hm?” she said, looking at her belly. She splayed her hand on her stomach . “It’s a bit early for you to come out, you know. Besides, you’re perfectly all right where you are. Not to say I don’t want to meet you, of course. Your father and big brother would like to meet you, too. Not yet, though.”

The baby kicked against her palm. She patted the spot softly. “I’ll tell you a little secret: I like having you so near me.” I can keep you safe.

Shelagh did not like admitting it, but she was terrified of giving birth. There were so many things that could go wrong, and she, in her capacity as a midwife, had seen almost all of the worst-case scenarios first hand.

Though a part of her ached to meet this child, this new soul that was part of her and part of Patrick and part of something all its own, there was another part that ached with the knowledge that this baby would have to be ripped from her body.

“Not yet, though,” she repeated.

She stood so she could clear the table. Something inside her popped, sounding like Timothy cracking his knuckles before sitting down to play the piano. Water gushed between her legs, soaking her socks and slippers. She stared at the glistening kitchen tiles in horror.

“I said not yet,” she whispered.

Another contraction rippled through her. She clutched the counter with white-knuckled hands, panting through it.

Every five minutes, and they last roughly a minute. There’s no denying it, Shelagh: these are not Braxton Hicks.

As soon as it was over, she wiped the amniotic fluid from the floor, then made her way to the phone again. She called Granny Parker first, asking the other woman if she could pick Timothy up from school; she could not have her stepson coming home whilst she was still trying to give birth.

Then, she called the surgery. Mrs. Feather, Patrick’s secretary, again told her that he was currently not available.

“Please tell Doctor Turner he has to come home as soon as possible,” Shelagh said, doing her best not to sound desperate. “I think I’ve gone into labour.”

She almost dropped the horn as she hung up. She pressed a hand against her mouth, and sobbed.

What was she to do? She could call for an ambulance to bring her to hospital, but what was the point? She was not in desperate need of that kind of medical attention; she would take up a precious bed that could be used for someone who really needed it. She could suffer through her confinement alone, waiting for Patrick, but what if something went wrong and she could not reach the phone in time?

There was only one thing she could do: call Nonnatus.

Shelagh picked the phone up with trembling hands. Who would answer? Did it matter?

But I can’t face them. They’ll judge me, and I…

A contraction spasmed through her, sending little shocks of pain through her system.

“All right, all right,” she murmured, patting her belly.

She dialled the number, trying to keep her voice steady so the operator would not hear how scared she was.

At least I know the people at Nonnatus. I wouldn’t want to go to hospital, to be treated by strangers. Though maybe anonymity is a blessing in my case.

But she didn’t believe that, not really.

The phone rang once, twice, three times.

“Be strong,” she told herself, glancing at her Bible. The book lay open on the kitchen table, sprawling like a sleeping child.

“Nonnatus house, midwife speaking.”

Shelagh pressed her forehead against the wall, doing her best not to cry. She could not prevent a sob from bubbling from her lungs as relief flooded her system.

“Sister Julienne? It’s Shelagh. My waters broke. I tried to call Patrick, but he’s on a case, and I… I’m so afraid…”

Silence.

“Sister?” she whispered.

“Don’t worry, my dear. I’m on my way.”

***

Shelagh had gone to the bedroom by the time Sister Julienne arrived, and changed into clothes not reeking of amniotic fluid. The nun knew where to find the spare key, and let herself in.

Shelagh burst into tears as soon as her former sister entered the room.

Sister Julienne hugged her, cupping her head and dropping a kiss on her temple.

Shelagh curled her hand in her sister’s habit, groaning as another contraction reduced her world to simple sensation. When it was done, Sister Julienne guided her to the bed. “How often?” she asked.

“Every five minutes for over an hour now,” Shelagh said. Suddenly shy, she looked at the pastel sheets on the bed, straightening a corner.

Sister Julienne took out her pinard, and carried out all necessary examinations. “Baby is doing well, Shelagh. He has a strong heartbeat.”

Thank God for small mercies, Shelagh thought.

Sister Julienne tucked her pinard back in her bag. “You’re not fully dilated, though. I think it’ll be a while yet.” She folded her hands and played with her ring, looking at the golden band.

Shelagh took her sister’s hand and squeezed it. “Sister, we must talk,” she said. They couldn’t sit in silence for hours, the air thick with things unsaid. In the end, their words would choke them, if the air didn’t become unbreathable first.

Sister Julienne looked at her with wet eyes, but didn’t speak, giving Shelagh the change to start.

Another contraction took her breath away. She did her best not to moan, but the pain was intense. When it was done, she was panting a little. “I need to move,” she murmured. To sit here, to have Sister Julienne stare at her, would not make it easier to speak.

“We could walk around the room, if you prefer,” Sister Julienne said. She helped Shelagh up, supporting her with a strong arm, holding her hand. They took small steps, circling the bed till they came upon the wall. Then, they had to turn around, and move in the opposite way, walking a horse-shoe pattern again and again as they spoke.

Shelagh wetted her lips with her tongue. “I’m not sorry for loving Patrick, Sister. Our love is… it’s beautiful, and I’m never ashamed to love.” Baby turned inside her. She stopped walking and inhaled deeply before continuing. “But I am sorry for all the heartache it caused. I never meant to smear Nonnatus’ reputation, but I fear I did.” She wiped her cheeks with her sleeve. “I never meant to cause a rift between us, either,” she whispered. She looked up, trying to read her sister’s face, but her glasses had misted over.

Sister Julienne plucked them from her face and placed them on the nightstand. “Best not wear them. They’ll only slide from your nose later on, and get smeared with all kinds of things if we’re not careful,” she murmured.

“Sister,” Shelagh pleaded.

Sister Julienne turned to her. Her face was vague, undefined, as if Shelagh was looking at it through a window splattered with rain. “I never doubted your love for him, Shelagh,” Sister Julienne said, “But…” She sighed, and rubbed her eyes with her free hand. They resumed their walking. “At the sanatorium, you told me you were a nun, yet you already had… improper relations with Doctor Turner.”

Just once, when we were both hurting so much, Shelagh thought.

They had to suspend their conversation till another contraction had passed. The pain was horrible, and left Shelagh sweating and trembling.

“I was a nun, Sister, I really was!” she said as soon as she could speak again, “But then I changed, and it became only a part of who I was, and no longer defined me entirely.” Confused, she shook her head. “I should not have broken my vow. It was not a decent thing to do.” And yet I feel as if it had become something almost inevitable. When she had gone to Patrick that night, when she was in his arms, it had not felt wrong, or sinful; it had felt as if that was the only proper place for her to be.

“The Lord works in mysterious ways,” Sister Julienne said, voice tremulous. “I know you would not have done what you did if it wasn’t for love, but I had hoped you would have come to your sisters for comfort. Why didn’t you?”

“Because I needed someone who wouldn’t talk about religion. His lack of faith in God made me understand my own belief in Him better than anything else could have done.”

Sister Julienne sighed. “Maybe that’s partly why I am hurt: my pride has been bruised. I thought you would always come to me, and you didn’t. I thought I knew everything about you, but I was wrong.”

“Nobody can ever know all there is to know about a person,” Shelagh said.

“I know that, now.”

They were silent for a moment, walking up and down the room. Shelagh moaned her way through another contraction, doing her best not to cry.

It is so bad already…

“There is pain relief I can give you,” Sister Julienne said.

“I know,” Shelagh said, loosening her grip on Sister Julienne’s hand. She stopped walking, and looked at her former sister. “I missed you terribly,” she confessed, the tears that had gathered during the contraction spilling from her eyes.

Sister Julienne swallowed audibly. “And I missed you, too.”

“I want us to be friends again, because… well, because I don’t think I can go through this if I don’t have a friend at my side.”

“Then rest assured, my dear girl, because I am your friend.”

Another contraction. Shelagh grabbed hold of the bed’s headboard as pain rippled through her. She sobbed. “I’m so afraid, Sister,” she confessed.

“I know. But you’ve been afraid before, and you always conquered it. Nevertheless, I shall get you some pethidine to help with the pain.” She studied Shelagh’s face. “But first some water. Your lips are chapped.”

She went to the kitchen. Shelagh sat down on the edge of the bed, rocking to make the pain bearable.

A loud bang shuddered through the house. Someone thundered up the stairs, taking them two or three a step judging by the sound. “Shelagh? Shelagh, please answer me!”

“Patrick?” she whispered.

Before she could raise her voice, Sister Julienne said: “Doctor Turner?”

Shelagh tried to get to her feet, but another contraction made her sink down and grit her teeth.

Her husband’s and ex-sister’s voices came closer, till they were just beyond the bedroom door.

“Please let me in, Sister Julienne! I know you don’t approve of husbands in the birthing room, but…”

“I’m not objecting to your presence, Doctor Turner, but I am objecting to you wearing soiled clothing in the presence of a patient,” Sister Julienne said.

Patrick fell quiet. Then, he said: “Oh. Right. I’ll put on something else, and wash my hands.”

Sister Julienne came back with a glass of water. Shelagh drank it greedily. She hadn’t realised how thirsty she was. “Will you let Patrick be here with me?” she asked.

“It is unusual,” Sister Julienne said.

“I need him by my side,” Shelagh said.

“I know.” Sister Julienne said, smiling a little. She took Shelagh’s hand and squeezed it. “I’ll give you some pethidine. I think you need that, too.” Sister Julienne was preparing the syringe when Shelagh’s womb contracted again. The pain made her turn her focus inwards. Her nightgown lay plastered against her back. Her hair was like damp fur in her neck. She combed a hand through it. Her fingers trembled.

But then, Patrick was by her side, holding her hand, rubbing her lower back. She rested her face in the crook of his neck, smelling his sweat and cigarettes and aftershave. When the contraction faded, she sighed, and squeezing his hand. His wedding ring bit in her skin.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured in her hair.

“You couldn’t know.”

“But still. You must’ve been so scared…”

“How could I be scared with Sister Julienne here?” Shelagh said, and smiled at her sister. “How could I be scared now that you are both here?”

It was true; she was no longer afraid. She patted her belly. “Time to meet Baby.”

***

The pain was still agony, but she had Patrick to hold on to, to ground her. Sister Julienne’s voice was clear as she gave encouragement after encouragement, instruction after instruction.

When it was time to push, Shelagh clung to Patrick, doing her best not to cry. “I’m so tired,” she murmured.

He kissed her brow. “I know, darling, but it’s almost over now.”

“It won’t be long, Shelagh, I promise. Now, you must push,” Sister Julienne said, patting her knee.

She bit her lip and forced herself to do what her former sister told her. After all, she could almost hold her baby, could almost see its face and determine how much it looked like the little face she’d dreamed up for herself. Excitement took hold of her, drowning her tiredness.

She did her best not to dig her nails in Patrick’s hand as she pushed, did her best not to grunt. He planted a kiss just below her ear.

“The head is born,” Sister Julienne said.

Thank God, Shelagh thought. She wanted to sink back, wanted to let Patrick’s thighs cradle her, his arms her blanket, his chest her pillow, but it wasn’t over yet.

“That’s my girl,” Patrick whispered. She smiled, and interlaced her fingers with his.

“Just one more,” Sister Julienne said.

Shelagh pushed, her toes curling into the sheets. Baby slithered out of her, its head cupped by Sister Julienne’s hand. “It’s a girl,” the nun said. The baby opened her mouth and cried.

“Can I hold her?” Shelagh asked, stretching her arms to her whimpering daughter.

Sister Julienne cut the cord, then handed her the baby. The child was slick and warm, her eyes the midnight blue of all new-borns. Patrick’s arms were heavy and warm around her. He stroked the baby’s head with his fingers.

“Hello. You were eager to meet us,” Shelagh whispered.

“We were eager to meet you, too,” Patrick said.

Shelagh leaned against him, cradling her daughter against her chest, dropping kisses against her damp, silken head. “All worth it,” she murmured. The pain, the heartbreak, the isolation…

“Placenta is out, all in one piece,” Sister Julienne said.

“Good.” Patrick kissed Shelagh’s face again. “Must give you a sponge bath, dear.”

“Not yet,” Shelagh said. She didn’t want this moment to end. Here, she was holding her child, was cradled by her husband, had Sister Julienne near. It felt like a spell that could be broken the way cobwebs could be brushed away.

“What are you going to call her?” Sister Julienne asked.

“Angela,” Shelagh said, “Angela Julienne.” She looked up. Her former sister’s face was tight with emotion, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

“Are you sure?”

“Completely,” Shelagh said, looking at her child again.

“She does look like an Angela,” Patrick quipped, tracing the gentle curve of his daughter’s skull with his thumb.

Shelagh twisted her head so she could kiss him. Ever since that fateful night at the surgery, she’d wanted to kiss him all the time. It was a desire that would never fade.

Love, she thought, the word becoming all consuming.

It’s because it’s love.

And now, I will forever realise how lucky I am.

I will be happy.

Because my exams are drawing neigh, it is really quite possible that I won’t be able to write a fanfic every Friday from now on till about the first half of January. I’ll do my best and I’ll try to let you guys know in advance if there’s no fanfic for a week. Hopefully all will be back to normal after my exams are done!

#call the midwife #call the midwife fanfic #shulienne #turnadette #shimothy

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incorrectmidc · 7 years

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50 Questions! Yaayyy~

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

Tagged by @theempresskaizer and since I can’t sleep (and I really love tagging games), here I am. Thank you, Ythmir! :) I feel you about your favourite pens btw. The only store that sells my favourite pen closed down recently here and the other store that sells it is in Manila. ;^;

1. What kind of food can’t you stand? AMPALAYA (bitter gourd). It was a traumatic experience. D:

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? if my laptop would just stop malfunctioning every 2 weeks, it would be nice.

3. Have you got any useless talents? i play three different instruments, and it’s not useful now... i think. i really wanted to be either an astronaut or a musician when i was a kid. dad refused to let me enroll at a music school in favour of a “more prestigious” university (parents’ words) so i feel it’s kinda useless now.

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be? ha! i’m an awesome procrastinator. is there even a word? lol. but srsly, i could be a good musician. if i just put effort into it. XD

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking - well, the concept of beauty is relative. my preferences are kuroba mario, cosplayers hikarin and syo seunghyo, kimura tatsunari, matt bomer

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? my sister and i used to sneak into our parents’ room and play with our mom’s beauty kit, like we would mix the lotions, alcohols, colognes, powders and stuff while pretending to be scientists and whatnots. we even tried to eat our concoction, to see what it tastes like. xD good thing someone saw us. lol.

7. What is something you’re proud of? i can learn anything if i just put my mind into it. i’m good at studying (my dad made sure of it lol).

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? nosy. i don’t like nosy people. i’m more of a keep-to-myself person so i really loathe these kind of people.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? both. tho i really don’t like to lead that much since it’s too much work. the laziest person i know is me btw. but i can be a leader when i absolutely have to.

10. What kind of student are/were you? high school, both the teacher’s pet and the kind they hate since i tend to speak my mind. college, i am the ordinary student who doesn’t have any clubs since it’s too troublesome.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? yepppp!

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion clowns. i don’t like clowns. i hate mcdonald’s mascot.

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? yes. kei tsukishima of haikyuu!! especially. :P

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? i don’t like parties. i never go to parties if i don’t have to. i hate large celebrations (birthdays, family and school reunions). i prefer the company of my closest friends and immediate family over parties. i only have 4 friends irl that i still keep in touch with tbh. on the other hand, drinking. i have yet to get drunk. lol. but when i have enough alcohol in me, i tend to become the philosopher. like, why do we even exist? are our existence significant or are we just a mere speck in this vast universe? yeah, that kind. oh, my friends and i usually go to karaoke when we get buzzed.

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? i’m not even sure i have fallen in love yet. i get long-time crushes tho. in fact, i still like this certain guy since i was in 1st year college. XD

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? the former. please refer to question 14 for the explanation lol

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? my dad tells me i have a landfill for a room. lol. i don’t mind. it’s organised chaos. XD

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy my room, on a rainy day with no one else at home and i have unlimited internet connection and books and coffee. and did i just mention i’m alone?

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? i don’t have one. not seeing myself getting married or having a child. i’m having another baby sister/brother soon tho so i think it’s enough. :D

20. What was your favorite book as a child? the two-can first encyclopedia series. i love the one that features the solar system.

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES A FIDGET SPINNER DO

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated fanfiction writers. i have nothing against fanarts but i would appreciate it if the same attention is given to fanfiction writers.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? kimura tatsunari hehehe

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? have the time, and the money, to visit japan and prague. and then go to russia. oh, travel the world. alone. XD

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? depends on my mood. sometimes i just want to see the world burn.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? what’s a fad?

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? telenovelas. i wanna live like the heroine back then and now i try to forget all about it. XDD

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? kindness is something i admire and at the same time so foreign to me. sure, i can be nice but i’m never kind. i will never be kind. i know this person who’s so kind to everyone and i wonder what it’s like to be like that.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) i’m a hoarder of cute/pretty notebooks and pens so every year, during my birthday, my family and friends always have a new notebook/pen for me. i even got a fountain pen for my birthday last year which i haven’t used until now. XD

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? yep. filipino/tagalog, english. this native dialect called cebuano and a little bit of ilonggo. i’m currently studying japanese (self-study cos paying for lessons is expensive). i’m shit at kanji tho.

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? in the city tho not at the center of it.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? HAIKYUU!! my online bff has been convincing me to watch haikyuu!! for 4 years now and i was adamant at refusing cos i’m sure i’d hate it. i don’t even like volleyball. but when i watched it last year, i got hooked. now my main fandom is haikyuu!! //facepalm

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? noooo. i don’t like being put on spotlight. lemme work quietly in the background.

34. Favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS! i love seeing the decorations and the lights. i even go to malls just to stare at the decors and listen to christmas songs. i even have my own christmas tree in my room. it’s a small one tho. with christmas lights and all. hihihi. and also my birthday. i can do whatever i want on my birthday. nyahahaha

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? i only have a plan when i’m writing. i don’t even know what i’m going to do with my life. orz.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) yes, there is, but i’d rather not forget it and experience it all over again. i’m content with the fuzzy feeling i get whenever i remember it. ^^

37. What hobbies do you have? playing games, going to cons, sleeping a lot, reading, and writing. my only extreme hobby is going mountain climbing. we even went once without any gears. it was fun but i’d rather not do something that unsafe again. o3o

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? the ability to learn different languages easily. wait, how can this be mildly useful? or maybe change my hairstyle at will? lol

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you that i’m 26. srsly, when i go to transact with government offices in behalf of the company i’m working for, they always think i’m an intern. wth.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out this sounds silly, but putting back the chiller part of the fridge. i dislodged it once and i spent almost half an hour trying to put it back. XD

41. Worst injury you’ve had? i never had one. not a broken bone or anything. i only got hospitalized 2 times - when i was 2 and 9, respectively. and both because of dengue.

42. Any morbid fascinations? i like skulls and blowing zombies heads off. my most favourite game of all time is left 4 dead.

43. Describe your sense of humor corny and dry. sarcastic even.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? in the gundam universe, like Cosmic Era, where people can live on another planet. i would relocate to saturn in a heartbeat.

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at being patient. patience is not my virtue.

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through an hour of jogging for a whole month to prepare myself (and increase the stamina) for a mountain climbing activity 2 years ago

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) the ugly one. i don’t really like markings on my face.

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? for a pessimist, i’m pretty optimistic. (wait, is that a song? lol)

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? tbh, compliments about writing and work are the ones i’m usually flattered with. tho i suck at accepting compliments.

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you this is a fact. i have a resting bitch face so people often feel i’m always irritated/annoyed by them.

you don’t have to do it if you don’t want tbh, but i’m tagging @lustfullyleocrawford @kakihoden @passengersaraht @emigotchi @leorysxi @oh-my-otome @spyroeden @acrispyapple @devanofficial @astridapples

#tagging game #tag me more #hihihi

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tryingthisfangirlthing · 7 years

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@viennainspringtime Honestly, Author!Nikola was kind of a convenient infodump device, but also he would totally go “No, no you have it all wrong!” and write a book, and the Book will pop up again at least once or twice. Not giving out any spoilers... ;) But here, have some more begrudging bonding and subtle flirting and Angst and Nikola very definitely having a crush. :D Also can I just say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FLAILING it’s so very lovely and very much appreciated. <3<3<3

Teslen vampire/hunter AU, Part 5

Contains: wine (c’mon, this is Teslen), lots of mentions of death, vampires and associated mentions of drinking blood, arguments, moral debates? (I hope I do okay with gray areas and stuff like this), angst

---

“A ‘96 Chateau Margaux, if you please. I know you have one.” So she did have taste. She headed for one of the leather armchairs, crossing her ankles as she sat down, her posture impeccable.

“This seems incredibly unfair, because you appear to know an awful lot about me, while I know next to nothing about you.” Nikola pulled the bottle out of his wine rack, opened it, and filled two glasses halfway.

“It is my job.” He glanced back at her, but nothing further was forthcoming.

“Well, how about your name, to start with? It makes conversation so much easier if I know what to call the other person.” He handed one glass to her, then set his free hand on his chest. “Nikola Tesla, inventor, genius, master of electricity, vampire.” He settled into the chair opposite her, slowly swirling the wine in his glass, his gaze glued to her. “Your turn.”

She inhaled. “You can call me Helen. I kill vampires.”

He lifted one finger, a half-smile on his face, sucking in a breath. “That is ironic. You know, the woman who revived our species —”

“— Had the same name, I know.” She grimaced, pressing her lips together. “Spare me.”

Something in her expression made him tilt his head, examining her a little more closely. “Color me impressed. That's not exactly common knowledge.”

“I am good at my job.” It was a flat, neutral statement. Her poker face was excellent.

“Exactly how long have you been doing this?” He inhaled, savoring the aroma of the wine, and took a small sip.

She glanced to the side for a moment, swirling the wine in her glass gently, absently. “Most of my life.”

“Which means — what? Fifteen, twenty years?” That earned him a brief upward twitch of the corners of her mouth, but no answer. She didn't look much older than her mid-thirties, but he had a feeling she was, nonetheless.

“Has no one taught you how a conversation works? Usually, I say something, then you say something back,” he gestured towards her, “and only then do I say something again.”

“I thought you were doing just fine on your own.” A cheeky smile, hidden behind a drink of wine.

He harrumphed softly at that, with no real disgruntlement behind it, and drank. She watched him, her own sip small, and then leaned forwards slightly, narrowing her eyes.

“How are you here? Are you even a vampire? Because that dose — half of one of those tranquilizer capsules is usually enough to kill a vampire within an hour. And I shot you twice — I remember that much.”

He grinned, lopsidedly. “What can I say? I'm special.”

She exhaled, and leaned back against the cushion, a pained, sick tilt to her lips. “Have you mutated in some fashion?”

“Now wouldn't that be cool.” He kept grinning, though her perturbed look finally got to him. “But no, I haven't mutated. I very nearly did die. Good job, by the way. That’s the closest anyone's ever come to killing me, and it had better not happen again, or else I will be very upset.”

She ignored his implied threat, inhaling and shaking her head. “That toxin was specifically engineered to kill vampires, and it's always been incredibly effective.”

“Genius, remember? And I was fortunate. It probably wouldn't play out like that for anyone else — maybe not even for me a second time.” She narrowed her eyes at him briefly, but it was as much detail as she was going to get, as evasive as she was being. “You know, you really shouldn't be here, either.”

“Hrm?” She took another sip of her wine, her gaze still glued to him. “How so?”

“No human would have survived that shock. I simulated the situation. You had thousands of volts discharged into you over a period of several seconds. The current that created would have stopped a human heart.” It had been nagging at him, ever since he had disassembled his old system. The primary circuitry had been exposed. Not that he wasn't happy she wasn't dead, despite the fact that she made his life more complicated — or maybe because of it.

Her only answer was a twitch of her eyebrow as she regarded him steadily.

“So you aren't human.”

“I’d heard you were clever.” She allowed one corner of her mouth to tilt up. “No, I'm afraid I'm not entirely human.”

“What are you, then?” He knew it wasn’t considered polite to stare, but he honestly didn't give a damn, and she was staring right back. “You’re not some sort of were — I'd have noticed the stench on you before now.”

“They do have a certain smell, don't they?” She grimaced briefly, wrinkling her nose. “Either somewhat wild and musky, or else they drench themselves in perfumes or colognes.”

He mirrored her expression. “I'm not sure which is worse.”

She smiled, for a fraction of a second, a real, delighted, blinding smile, and it shook him. She must have seen something in his face, because she inhaled, her tongue darting out over her lower lip, and then looked away, taking a rather large sip of her wine.

“I guess you're not going to tell me exactly what you are.”

“Oh, Nikola,” she tilted her head with a wry twitch of her lips, her eyes sparkling. “Where would the fun be in that?”

It was his turn to take a gulp of his wine, because that was the moment he knew he was in trouble.

“So,” he said quietly, after a moment's pause. “Are you going to continue trying to kill me?”

She avoided his eyes for a moment, inhaling. “Why did you want to become a vampire?”

He sat back. “Who says I sought it out? Who says I'm not a victim in this entire situation, too?”

She glared at him, truly glared. “How dare you. There are people who have been turned against their will, and I won't have you paying them the disrespect of pretending to be one of them.”

He raised one hand, still watching her. “I meant no disrespect, really, Helen. I am genuinely wondering how you might have heard that I wanted to become a vampire, because I know for a fact that my… progenitor,” — he hated the term “sire,” another word that smacked too much of Dracula clichés — “died in 1943.”

“You don't think it might get around that the Master of Electricity actually begged to be turned?” Her tone was sharp.

“This was well before the age of the Internet, and before you were born — if we're going by your apparent age.” He raised his glass to his lips, and held it there, not drinking yet.

“We've already established I'm not entirely human, haven't we?” She raised her eyebrows. “Answer the question.”

“If you answer mine.” He held her gaze.

She exhaled, slowly. “All right.”

“I wanted eternity. I knew one lifetime wouldn't be enough for me to discover everything I wanted to. To never become sick, to never die of old age… It would mean I had more of myself to then devote to my life's work of probing and applying the wonders of physics, and that was all I cared about.” He didn't look at her, but he felt her focus on him. It was more honest that he was used to being, uncomfortably vulnerable, even though he wanted to earn her trust, if he could. “I'd do it again in a heartbeat, despite the downsides.”

She took a sip of her wine, savoring it in her mouth for a moment before swallowing. “Your progenitor, as you seem to prefer to call her, told me about the people she had turned before I killed her.”

He bared his teeth, snarling, and set his glass down on the coffee table far too heavily, as he stood. “Mihaela would never have hurt a fly! You can not tell me that was justified.”

Helen set her own glass down, shaking her head. “She wanted to die, Nikola! She never asked for it. She never asked to become a vampire.” She stood herself, her voice rising. “Do you think it's easy for me to kill, never mind to knowingly kill someone like Mrs. Bolohan?” Helen was angry, but more than that, her voice trembled. “She begged me to end it, and I couldn’t refuse her.” Pressing the back of her hand to her mouth, she turned away, blinking.

Slowly, he drew his claws back in, staring at her, his tone soft, but pointed. “This is personal for you, isn’t it? It’s more than some quest for revenge.”

She glanced — glared — at him over her shoulder, and her eyes told him everything he needed to know. “How can it not be personal? To anyone?”

He took a step towards her, carefully reaching out to lay a hand on her arm, but she stepped away and took a deep breath, wordlessly refusing him with a shake of her head and a quirk of her lips.

“Helen…” He turned himself, striding to the opposite side of the room, gripping the side of the bureau as his claws lengthened again, and to hell with the scratches in the wood. “I meant, this is personal to you, as in you were personally involved. Mihaela barely let anyone near her, not after she decided she didn’t want to be responsible for any more vampires. Which means you knew her well, before, that you had some other connection to her. And that makes me think you might be the Helen Magnus. Her doctor. She only ever referred to you as her doctor.”

He could see the indecision in the flicker of her eyelashes, and then the slump of her shoulders, and she spoke quietly.“I was only a doctor, still, for years, before I truly recognized what plague I had unleashed on the world, one that I had no medicinal cure for, and how it was spreading.”

“It's not a plague, Helen.” He smacked the wood with the heel of his hand and turned. “There are tyrants and idiots, but our race is capable of so much more.”

“Is it? Is it really? Feeding off humans, with apparently nothing better to do with your days and intellect than indulge your own petty whims, kings of your own little world more often than not simply because you can get away with violence?” She faced him again, visibly fuming, her lip curled. “Whatever the original race may have been like, this unnatural abomination of a species is not some bastion of culture or enlightenment, and you cannot pretend that it is. Not if you've seen even a fraction of what I have.” She met his eyes, her gaze smoldering. “The exception only proves the rule.”

He stared at her, setting his jaw, before turning and hitting the surface of the bureau again, in frustration.

“I'm sorry, Nikola, but that's the truth.” She folded her arms over her torso, watching him.

He forced himself to calm, to withdraw his claws, to turn his form human again, taking a deep breath. “How can you think of — of your own creation —” he stepped towards her, one hand outstretched, “— like that?”

“You are not my creation.” She shook her head, taking a step back, lifting one hand. “I never intended to create anything, aside from a cure for blood and bone diseases. You are an unforeseen effect of my own misguided scientific curiosity, and I shall do my best to never make a similar mistake again.”

He recoiled, curling his lip. “And that's how you see yourself now? Ridding the earth of an ‘unforeseen side effect’? Ending lives, brushing aside living, breathing people, like cleaning out a petri dish?”

“If you so choose to use that analogy, yes. There was a reason humans wiped vampires out centuries ago.” Her expression was cold — miserable, sickened, but determined.

“How does what you do make you any better than us, any better than the ‘creatures’ you so despise?”

She met his gaze. “It doesn't. I never claimed that it did. But I do what I have to do, what others can't, for the sake of the bigger picture.”

He stared at her, slowly shaking his head, searching for words but finding none that hadn't already been said.

She took a step back, dipping her head briefly. “Goodbye, Nikola. Good luck with that new wireless electricity project. I imagine that'll take some work, even for you.”

She stepped out into the foyer, and he didn't bother to follow her. The front door opened and shut, and he carried the used glasses to the kitchen, still somewhat shell-shocked. It was only a while later that he found two new objects on the table in the hallway: a CD of modern classical composer Iris Sellin’s newest pieces, and a small geolocator, though it showed nothing at all on the screen.

#rinari's fic #teslen vampire/hunter au #sanctuary #teslen #i feel like tesla would be terrible at making threats #oh god i hope none of this is too out of character #*deep breath*#i hope that none of this comes across as too zealous #even though magnus does tend to jump to extremes sometimes #also there's my own private easter egg in here #but i don't imagine anyone will get it unless they've also read blaupuse (blueprint)#basically iris sellin isn't my invention XD #caps #what queue've been waiting for #that's my new queue / scheduled post tag #i rather like it :)

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mikeandchesterforever · 8 years

Text

I needed a distraction so here’s this

1. Full name: not saying bc I write personal shit on here but my roommate calls me Moca, so lets go with that 2. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius 3. 3 Fears: death, not succeeding in life, and losing the people I love 4. 3 things I love: music, tattoos, and dogs 5. 4 turns ons: 6. 4 turns offs: 7. My best friend: a wonderful human named Chai, who is probably reading this 8. Sexual orientation: Gay af 9. My best first date: definitely my most recent first date. We went to the MFA, and just got lost in there, looking at all of the art. And then we found a spot and just sat and talked for a while and it was incredible. 10. How tall am I: 5'5 and a half 11. What do I miss: my best friend… and my 3 friends that died 12. What time were I born: 5:58pm 13. Favourite colour: Black and neon green 14. Do I have a crush: I sure do… 15. Favourite quote: "Darling you'll be okay" I have it as a tattoo on my wrist in Vic Fuentes' handwriting 16. Favourite place: The beach 17. Favourite food: oh god that's hard…. I have so many. Mac and cheese is definitely one of them 18. Do I use sarcasm: yes but I have a hard time understanding it with other people (depending on who the person is) 19. What am I listening to right now: "Throne" by Bring Me The Horizon 20. First thing I notice in new person: their eyes 21. Shoe size: 9 ish 22. Eye colour: blue 23. Hair colour: brown but about to dye it 24. Favourite style of clothing: gay college kid who loves band merch 25. Ever done a prank call?: nope 26. What colour of underwear I’m wearing now?: black like my soul 27. Meaning behind my URL: this blog was solely for band stuff when I made it, and at the time Linkin Park was my all time favorite band. So yeah. 28. Favourite movie: That's hard… Probably Spider-Man bc he's my favorite super hero 29. Favourite song: Hold On Till May by Pierce the Veil 30. Favourite band: Pierce the Veil, no question 31. How I feel right now: upset, angry, nauseous, tired, sore 32. Someone I love: my incredible best friend 33. My current relationship status: single but crushing so hard on an amazing girl 34. My relationship with my parents: not bad but not perfect 35. Favourite holiday: Christmas - I love being able to buy my friends and family gifts 36. Tattoos and piercings?: 3 tattoos (but I want more), and two earring holes 37. Tattoos and piercing I want: I want a ton of tattoos, mostly song lyrics, and potentially a memorial piece for my three friends. I don’t think I want another piercing. 38. The reason I joined Tumblr: bands and venting… lots of venting. 39. Do I and my last ex hate each other? No, but I don’t know how tf she feels about me so there's that. 40. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Nope. Haven't in forever. 41. Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Nope and I'm totally okay with that 42. When did I last hold hands? My birthday dinner. My girlfriend at the time was there, and we held hands almost all night 43. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 5-10 minutes, once I actually get out of bed 44. Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? Lmao nope 45. Where am I right now? At my house, on my bed 46. If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? My amazing best friend - already almost happened once and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there with me, nor would I have trusted anyone else to make sure I was okay 47. Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Really depends on my mood 48. Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Yes 49. Am I excited for anything? Going back to school and seeing my best friend 50. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Sure do 51. How often do I wear a fake smile? More often than I'll ever admit 52. When was the last time I hugged someone? About an hour ago, I hugged my mom 53. What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I would be so hurt. 54. Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? I'd like to say no, but lately I don’t even know who to trust anymore 55. What is something I disliked about today? I had to work a 10 hour shift with no break 56. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I've met PTV once already but I would meet them again in a heartbeat. If not them, then definitely BMTH 57. What do I think about most? Music 58. What’s my strangest talent? I hear a noise and sometimes I can figure out what note it is. My friends all think I have perfect pitch but idk 59. Do I have any strange phobias? Heights... 60. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it 61. What was the last lie I told? My mom asked how my day was and I told her it was good 62. Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? FaceTime! 63. Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Sometimes, I guess it depends on the day 64. Do I believe in magic? No but I love the idea of it 65. Do I believe in luck? Yes I do, and I am a very lucky person 66. What’s the weather like right now? It's cold and dark, but it was warm and sunny earlier today 67. What was the last book I’ve read? My classical music textbook 68. Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yes. Very much so. 69. Do I have any nicknames? My roommate calls me Moca 70. What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I almost got a concussion once, other than that I've broken my arm and one of my fingers. 71. Do I spend money or save it? I try to save it but when I do spend it, it's usually on tattoos and concert tickets. 72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Yes 73. Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Nope 74. Favourite animal? Hippos!!!!! 75. What was I doing last night at 12 AM? I was talking to my best friend on FaceTime, and we were talking about how we were so ready to go back to school. 76. What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Wtf??? I have no clue?????? 77. What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Hold On Till May by Pierce the Veil 78. How can you win my heart? Be patient with me, and let me learn to trust you, and we learn who we really are 79. What would I want to be written on my tombstone? At this current moment in time, I want "so long and good night" 80. What is my favourite word: indeed 81. My top 5 blogs on tumblr: all the blogs I follow bc they are all wonderful 82. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: don’t ever give up. Life gives you so many options - don’t you dare make giving up one of them. You'll always be okay, even when you think the world is ending around you. 83. Do I have any relatives in jail? Unfortunately yes…. 84. I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Mind-reading. Then I'd know how people really feel about me. 85. What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? I don’t know tbh 86. What is my current desktop picture? A picture of PTV that I love bc it's cute 87. Had sex? Nope 88. Bought condoms? Nope 89. Gotten pregnant? Nope 90. Failed a class? Almost 91. Kissed a boy? Yes 92. Kissed a girl? Yes 93. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? No but I want to so bad 94. Had job? Yup 95. Left the house without my wallet? Yeah… 12/10 do not recommend 96. Bullied someone on the internet? Never 97. Had sex in public? Nope 98. Played on a sports team? Yeah, when I was younger I played baseball. And I played ultimate frisbee in high school and for half a semester in college 99. Smoked weed? No 100. Did drugs? No 101. Smoked cigarettes? No 102. Drank alcohol? Yes 103. Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Nope 104. Been overweight? Mhmm…... 105. Been underweight? Nope 106. Been to a wedding? Yup, and I was in it too 107. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yeah 108. Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes but only when I am sick 109. Been outside my home country? Yup, twice 110. Gotten my heart broken? Oh yeah... 111. Been to a professional sports game? Yup! 112. Broken a bone? Yeah, I broke my arm when I was 7 and I broke one of my fingers when I was 8 113. Cut myself? Oh yes. More than I'd like to admit, actually. I struggled with it for a really long time. 114. Been to prom? Yup 115. Been in airplane? Yes! I like them a lot actually 116. Fly by helicopter? Nope 117. What concerts have I been to? Linkin Park, Avenged Sevenfold, Bon Jovi, Stone Temple Pilots (with lead singer Chester Bennington), Warped Tour, A Silent Film, Demi Lovato, Pentatonix, and my loves Pierce the Veil (4 times to be exact). 118. Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Oh yes. 119. Learned another language? Yup! I'm not fluent in it though 120. Wore make up? Yes… but most recently it was for a play I did and I needed to look like a dude 121. Lost my virginity before I was 18? Haven't lost it yet 122. Had oral sex? Nope 123. Dyed my hair? Hell yeah and doing it again 124. Voted in a presidential election? Yup 125. Rode in an ambulance? No 126. Had a surgery? Yup, my wisdom teeth, and I'm p sure they had to surgically fix my arm when I broke it 127. Met someone famous? Yes! I met PTV 128. Stalked someone on a social network? Yes…. 129. Peed outside? Nope 130. Been fishing? Nope 131. Helped with charity? Yes 132. Been rejected by a crush? Yes…. 133. Broken a mirror? No 134. What do I want for birthday? To not spend it alone like I did this year 135. How many kids do I want and what will be their names? I don’t know 136. Was I named after anyone? Yes but I really don’t want to get into that 137. Do I like my handwriting? Not really but it's okay I guess 138. What was my favourite toy as a child? I had a stuffed cat and I named her Daisy, after my cat 139. Favourite Tv Show? NCIS, no question 140. Where do I want to live when older? Idk… Maybe near Boston, maybe not. 141. Play any musical instrument? Yup - tuba, bass trombone, alto sax, drums, piano, euphonium, guitar, and now I am learning bass guitar. 142. One of my scars, how did I get it? I have a scar on my arm from getting burned 143. Favourite pizza topping? Pineapple bc I'm a nerd 144. Am I afraid of the dark? No 145. Am I afraid of heights? Yes I fucking am 146. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? No 147. Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Lmao did you mean my life 148. What I’m really bad at: being organized 149. What my greatest achievements are: actually living to see my 20th birthday 150. The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: "You know what? If you're going to hurt yourself go ahead. Go right ahead." 151. What I’d do if I won in a lottery: Make myself and my loved ones financially stable - so my parents, my sister and brother in law, my brother, my best friend, and myself. 152. What do I like about myself: my eyes, my hair, and my music taste. 153. My closest Tumblr friend: I don’t have anyone that I only know from tumblr and no other context 154. Something I fantasize about my ex: her and I being together and happy… so, so happy. Going on dates, spending time together, and just loving each other so much. But it's never going to happen.

#ask meme #I needed to do this #it really helped get my mind off of stuff

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surveys-at-your-service · 8 years

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Survey #43

“i’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart.”

what do you order on your pizza? jalapenos if it's from domino's, pepperoni everywhere else. what the kind of soda you drink most often? mountain dew what do you think of girls sixteen and younger going on birth control? it could be because of her menstrual cycle, in which case there's nothing wrong with that. but if you're 16 and having sex, i have a problem with that, not that my opinion should mean much to you. at least you're using protection, i guess. are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? well i still have "arthas: rise of the lich king" from jason, but i think it's pretty clear he won't get it back by now. would you ever want another sibling? older or younger? gender? having a younger brother would be cool, but i don't want one now. my parents are divorced and my mom's already gone through menopause. grilled cheese or peanut butter & jelly? pb&j do you take vitamins? no ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? yes, even though it was a lie??? like he had a problem with me, it wasn't the other way around. will you get married? i want to, but i don't see it happening. if jason couldn't handle my depression, no one can. did you have a new year’s kiss? lmao no how would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? i've found more than anything, i like geeky people. people that are passionate. guys that will show their feelings. i like imaginative guys, the ones that are creative and fun-loving. are you still friends with any of your exes? do you still communicate with any of them at all? if you consider aaron and juan exes, they're both my friends on facebook, but i only ever talk to juan. do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? do you think you’d like to live alone? i live with my mom (though rn i'm living with dad, long story), and no, i physically could not live alone. depression would destroy me. how often do you typically change your bra? ha, let's be realistic, it depends on if i'm even wearing a bra, because i'm like... always at home in my pj's. but let's say i actually do get dressed, again, it depends on how long i'm dressed. once i'm back home and know i'm not doing anything more, i get back into my pajamas. other times, but rarely, i'm dressed all day. but let's just say in the typical situation: i'll change my bra every other day or so, also depending on if i sweat or not. what is the last online purchase you made? cheshire cat flip-flips and a "i'm just a poe boy, nobody loves me; he's just a poe boy, from a poe family" edgar allan poe shirt, both from hottopic. ashley gave me a $40 gift card for it. is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? thank god, no. is your hair thick or thin? would you say it’s easy to manage? anyone who touches my hair will tell you, it's thick AS FUCK. like, to an annoying degree. brushing it can be a nightmare just because it's so thick, and FORGET about putting it up in a ponytail. it's mostly easy to manage just because i don't do anything special to it. have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? many friendships, but nothing romantic. as someone who's been around the Internet since what, '06, i've made many friends that i'll never actually meet. do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered “a regular” at? no when growing up, did your family always eat at the dinner table together? nope. what is the greatest source of happiness in your life? my memories of jason. i just miss him so much. that won't change. could you tolerate being in a relationship with someone who treated you wonderfully, but was sometimes rude and unkind to others? let's be realistic, EVERYONE is sometimes rude and unkind...? could you tolerate being in a relationship with someone who was lazy? yeah, so long that trait doesn't dictate his life. most people are lazy, anyway. did your parents read bedtime stories to you when you were little? yeah what is something you know very little about? politics have any of your worst fears ever come true? oh, you mean jason leaving? has anyone in your family gotten pregnant as a teenager? yeah, my mom. to you, is sex just about physical pleasure, or do you see it as an expression of love and commitment? it can be both do you change your type of music regularly? no. i've been a metalhead since 6th grade. ever met somebody who seem like they hated life? oh, you mean me? well... i guess i should correct that. i don't hate life, i just hate my life. do you value your life? yes and no. like, if a bullet was coming at me, i'd move out of the way, but as i just mentioned, i also hate how my life is going. ever been called a low-life? i think so, 'cuz i am one. do most of your friends have a significant other? most do, yes. a few are even married. who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? my mama. do you think you could handle a day in jail? maybe, seeing as i've been in a mental hospital four times, and it's comparable as far as permissions and schedules go. it's the people i'm concerned about. do you believe that your first true love can be your only love in life? i don't... know. i'm not the person to ask. i've only ever loved one man and am convinced i won't love another, sooo... what brings out the worst in you? mentioning jason. blaming me for what happened. do you know how many people your best friend has had sex with? not that i've ever asked, but yes. she tells me everything. are your boobs real? yes. implants have too many risks anyways. would you take your ex-significant other back? in a fucking heartbeat. have you ever had sex on the beach? no and i wouldn't want to because sand... everywhere...? have any of your friends died of an overdose? it's possible. i had an online friend disappear years ago, and i'm STILL worried about her... how many different colleges have you gone to? two how much stress can you handle? none what is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? survive without jason do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? i know damned well it is do you have to take medication for any mental illness? yes are tongue piercings slutty? no...? are you embarrassed to buy condoms? i've never had to, but i don't think i'd be. have you discovered your passion? yeeeaaars ago... meerkats. (: what’s your favorite cereal? double chocolate krave do you read reddit? if so, how often and what subreddits do you like? nah. what’s the weather like today? is it nice enough to go outside? it's sleeting and snowing. if it wasn't for the sleet, it'd be gorgeous. have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? no how old were you when you first became sexually active? uh, like 16-17? still haven't had actual sex tho what's your favorite kind of bread? pumpernickel have you ever been to a stadium concert? no. the alice cooper concert was outdoors. think of the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a bed? plenty of times. have you done illegal things with your parents nearby? download music is all. are you taller then 5 foot 7 inches? nah son. who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? i texted my mom. why aren’t you with the person you first fell in love with? he doesn't like me anymore. last time you were told you’re cute? probably months upon months ago by juan. next time you will eat? like 30 minutes who will be the next person you kiss? probably no one. ever. last time you were in trouble? few days back when i talked back to my mom do you have a fish tank? no last place you took a plane to? ohio what is your preferred method of birth control? abstinence. hasn't failed me yet. do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong? not at all. i always think i'm wrong anyway. have you ever made out in a bathroom? i don't think so. would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? i don't currently want a dog, but a miniature poodle i guess. have you ever made out in a park? nah. is it colder than usual outside today? yeah. there's snow out. what do you normally order on your burger? cheese, mustard, ketchup, pickles... have you ever dipped french fries in a frosty? yes, and it's gross. what is the biggest flaw in your spouse/crush? he's obviously not very supportive. if he was, he'd still be with me. do you prefer writing with mechanical pencils or normal #2 pencils? mechanical are you planning on dressing up for halloween? if we have the money, i'd like to. do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? oh, every day? who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? none of them did. just be a good student and most teachers are great. how do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? I GET SO EXCITED OMG OMG OMG do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? not really. i love food too much lol what is the worst thunderstorm you’ve experienced? hurricane floyd how often do you take the train to go places? never are you in love? should be obvious. are you an affectionate person? very have you ever had a valentine? jason was the best. what is you favorite type of lunch meat? ham are both of you biological parents currently alive? yeah do you like mustard? yeah do you wash your hair everyday? no, that's bad for you. if you were a zoo animal (i.e. lion, tiger, warthog) what would you be? meerkat any cheesy bands that you love? lol ludo if you could go nuts and dye your hair any color, what would it be? gray. mom won't let me. when was the last time someone saw you naked? probably mom after i got out of the shower and came into my room? what is the greatest loss you’ve endured? jason where do you like to be kissed? lips, neck... and i think brief kisses on the hand from a guy are very romantic. do you know a hoarder? yup. can you do a split? nope. is anyone in your family in the army? nah. did your mother go to college? she dropped out when she was younger, but she's back in it now. are your grandparents still married? no, on both sides, a spouse is dead. do you spell the color as grey or gray? "gray," 'cuz that's the american spelling is your father bald? nah do you know triplets? no do you prefer titanic or the notebook? oh GOD. the notebook, i guess. how many times have you been to the hospital? er: seven times, actual hospital admission: three times what religion will you raise your children to practice? christianity have you ever stayed in a stranger's house before? if yes, why? no do you believe in the idea of taking from the rich and giving to the poor? why or why not? no, honestly. the rich earn their money just as the poor earn their money. while i understand (BELIEVE ME) it's hard to live being poor, that's no excuse to take from those better off. if you were a god or goddess, what would your powers include? communing with animals. maybe be a shape-shifter, that'd be cool as fuck. what are your opinions on gendered products? explain? like, do you mean how some toys are "meant" for certain genders, not the other? if so, then it's ridiculous. if your child wants to play with a certain toy, let him/her. for example, i played with dinosaurs in opposition to barbies, and i grew up fine in general. do you believe that animals are capable of “human” emotion? absofuckinglutely. have you ever changed your views because you were in the wrong? yeah who do you consider “family?” my mother, father, two immediate sisters, one half-brother, two half-sisters, my pets, and my best friend colleen. i guess jason, sometimes. could you sacrifice yourself for someone you barely knew? no what’s your favorite video game? "silent hill 2"!!! have you ever experienced discrimination first-hand? yeah, bc of mental illness. what holiday is closest to your birthday? valentine's day are you biracial? nah. are you afraid of shots? like injections? shots that draw blood, no. shots that inject medication? fuck yes, they're agonizing. do you know your blood type? yeah, it's a. how many times did you have to take the driving test before you passed? i haven't taken a driving test yet bc i'm fucking lame. what do you think when a band/artist “sells out”? i think it's rarely even a thing. like, i'll use metallica as an example. everyone always says they sold out, when they didn't. are you suddenly reaching a broader audience? good for you. congratulations. did you change your look? good for you, tastes change. now, did you change just for fame? you're foolish. what do you think of fans and fandoms? it's absolutely marvelous that people can come together over a common interest. some are just... oh my GOD, so entitled (i'm looking at you, mythical beasts). but in general, the idea of fandoms are great. should parents be their child’s friends? ... duh? what do you think of doctor-assisted suicide? i'm not sure on this, but i think i disagree with it. in the case of prevention of overpopulation, should some people be prohibited from reproducing? just flat-out stupid/cruel people, but that'll never happen. you discover that because of a mix-up at the hospital, your wonderful one-year-old child is not yours. would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake? yes, BUT i'd want to keep up with the child i'd raised that year. do you trust anyone to protect you? who, and why? my parents, because they're my parents. if you had a death note (like the anime), would you use it? ... fuck me, yeah, i would. when did you start discovering your own music taste? what was it? middle school. heavy metal. describe the ultimate hell. hearing jason say he didn't love me anymore one more fucking time. are you able to kill animals? under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? i couldn't, i don't think. i find killing fine if you're hunting for food, but not for pleasure. would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth? yeah. if you could influence people like a celebrity does, how would you use it for the benefit of the planet? definitely spread Christianity how and when are abortions okay? only when it's that type of pregnancy where despite growing, the baby is never alive. shit, what's it called... ummm... entopic pregnancy, that's it! the cells are only going to keep growing, so they obviously need to come out. otherwise, i don't care if you're raped or whatever, you have that damn child and give it up for adoption. if you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? ANYONE can hurt you, even the unexpected. would you save an extremely talented musician who has the influence to promote good values for the world or a pregnant woman in a situation where it is certain you must choose one over the other? ugh... the pregnant woman, i guess.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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missrosienorris · 5 years

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The Election that is Bad, Part 3

CW: lots of politics, mentions of ableism, a hint of racism and abusive behaviour, also a little corona at the end

Statement of potential privileges and biases: Translucently white. Finnish, and thus less directly affected by US elections, although I’d argue the whole world should be concerned about them. AFAB enby. Probably a gray ace with no gender preference, but frankly I’m not quite sure wtf I am. Rather far left but haven’t found an appropriate ideological label. University educated. Middle class. Young-ish (is 30 still young?) My mental health is ass.

So, I’ve already made a few posts about the US presidential election and the shit it’s stirring up, which is why I’m now giving the series a name. In this post I’m going to lengthily bitch about some arguments between Biden and Sanders supporters that I’m currently seeing a lot, and I’m already planning another post that’ll be a more personal rant about how I’ve had to make a purge in my parasocial relationships because so so so many of the people I follow have morphed into dicks during this election season (or perhaps revealed themselves to be dicks, I can’t assess which one from afar).

In this post I won’t be discussing Biden or Sanders themselves or their policies all that much, but I will summarize where my allegiances lie here for the record, not that my opinion is likely to surprise anyone who’s read any of my stuff before:

I think Biden’s policies suck, albeit not as much as Trump’s but that’s a low bar to clear. I think he’s a neoliberal and a sleazeball, I don’t like his incoherent speaking style or his proneness to temper tantrums and were I American, I’m not sure I could bring myself to vote for him in the general even for harm reduction purposes (but to make it crystal clear, I would never vote Trump either, it would be third party or blank in that case). I think he will lose to Trump if he is the nominee.

I have a soft spot for Sanders despite being way to the left of him, he’s a socdem at best and I’ve never voted for a socdem in my life. However, in a US context, he would be a major step to the left, his policies are alright, and he’s way more coherent than Biden. Some people on the left flanks say he’s too nice and that’s probably true, socdems tend to be like that, but my lizard brain finds the niceness endearing even though I think it’s politically not ideal. I would vote for him in a heartbeat and I have given him money (funneled through a clothing vendor, so yeah I’m a foreign interference Russian bot). I think his chances to beat Trump would be better than Biden’s. Not great, mind you, Trump has quite an advantage going into the general and I’m not sure he’s beatable, although I sure hope he is.

Alright, now then, onto my long-ass rant about bad political arguments.

So, at the time I’m writing this, it sure looks like Biden will be the Democratic nominee, the race isn’t called yet but it’s looking pretty hopeless for the Sanders campaign. Consequently, the Bidenists are looking for everyone to rally around Biden and the Berners are pissed and/or discouraged and many of them are considering not voting or voting third party (and I guess some are considering voting Trump, but I genuinely think that group is real small and I’m ignoring them because fuck anyone who would do that).

Now, there are arguments for both of these stances that I find understandable. Like, I get the Bidenist argument that Trump is worse and therefore a vote for Biden is harm reduction, and I get the concern for the supreme court. I’m not convinced by these arguments, but I get them. On the flip side, I'm very sympathetic to the arguments that Biden is corrupt and awful, and that while Trump may be worse in the short term, voting for Biden will tell the Democratic party that they can keep putting up shitty status quo nominees and progressives will just take it, and thus the party won’t change and more people will be hurt by that in the long run. This is probably the position I’d take if I were in the US, as stated above.

Either way, these types of arguments from either side are pretty reasonable, but they’re not really the ones I’m hearing the most, at least not on the ol’ internet. What I’m hearing is a lot of crap, and I’m now going to list said crap and bitch about it.

1. Biden has dementia and keeping him in the race is elder abuse.

I want to get this real oof one out of the way first, because I drag Biden a bunch and will continue to do so, but this I don’t like. Yeah, the guy is incoherent when he speaks and lashes out a lot, but we shouldn’t be armchair diagnosing him or accusing anyone of abuse without proper evidence of that. I think it’s fair to criticize him for the way he behaves and to point out that Trump will definitely use that against him, but leave health assessments to professionals. Also, I get that a presidential candidate must be scrutinized more than the general public, but some of the stuff y'all are writing about people with cognitive disabilities is like super ableist and not cool. Don’t call people soup brains, for example, that’s trash behaviour.

2. Not voting in the general/voting third party is a vote for Trump.

Hey fuck off, no it’s fucking not. A vote for Trump is a vote for Trump. I get voting strategically, I really do, but the people who choose not to vote strategically are not voting for Trump. Doesn’t matter what the reason is, if you don’t vote for Trump you don’t vote for Trump and are not to blame for Trump. It’s unbelievably shitty to accuse people of being equal to Trump supporters if they don’t line up behind a particular other candidate.

3. Sanders supporters who won’t vote for Biden in the general are making that choice out of pettiness and/or childishness.

This is some ad hominem bullshit and also kinda contrary to the whole “unite the party behind Biden” thing, you don’t typically woo voters by calling them pissbabies. Especially young people don’t tend to respond well to frumpy people condescendingly telling them to grow up. Also it’s usually not true. Most people I know of that aren’t voting for Biden have well rounded reasons why, typically that they think voting for Biden would make things worse in the end. And unless someone tells you why they’re not voting for Biden, you don’t really know their reasons, so assuming “petty and childish” reflects more on you than it does on them.

4. Anyone who WOULD vote for Biden in the general is either a not a real progressive or a “low information” voter.

Shut up about that. Trump is a nightmare and many feel that four more years of him would be so disastrous that they’d rather take four years of Biden as the lesser of two evils. Being super scared of Trump and going the harm reduction route is not a sign that you’re uninformed or not progressive enough, I may disagree with it but not for that reason. The “low information” thing also seems to be directed at minorities a lot, which is kinda gross. Talk about voter suppression and try to reach out to people, absolutely, but sort of implying that minorities are ignorant is not a good look to have.

5. I was for Warren and now I’m for Biden because Sanders supporters are abusive.

I don’t have as strong an opinion on this one as the other ones, I just feel like it’s a super weird take to jump from supporting (relatively) progressive policies to supporting whatever it is Biden’s got going on because some of the Bernie crowd are kinda dicks (which I’m not denying by the way, I’ve seen them, I just feel like policy is more important). As I stated above, I’m not about to start accusing anyone of being a fake progressive or whatever, I’m just saying it’s a little weird and if there are any Warrenites out there who would like to explain it to me that would be swell. Preferably explain it civilly, since many of the #WarrenToBiden types I’ve seen have been surprisingly abusive themselves considering their stance on the whole Bernie bro thing.

6. Not voting for Biden in the general is a sign that you’re privileged and aren’t that affected by the vote, and that you don’t really care if minorities suffer another four years of Trump. Or the converse, voting for Biden in the general is a sign that you’re privileged and aren’t that affected by a continuation of the status quo, and that you don’t care if minorities suffer in the long run.

This argument can just fuck off whatever side it comes from. It’s another ad hominem attack and super reductive, both the people rallying behind Biden and the #NeverBiden people are a diverse bunch. Some are privileged, some are not, and this generalization helps no one. Especially cringe is when someone who is decidedly not part of a minority of any kind makes this argument, which I’m seeing A LOT of. I’m all for identity politics, but this ain’t it.

7. Sanders has said he will support Biden if Biden is the nominee, so you should too.

Why? Sanders isn’t flippin’ Jesus, it’s completely possible to support him and still disagree with him on occasion. I’m not quite satisfied with his explanations considering his record on guns, for example, nor do I think he should co-opt the term “democratic socialist” when he’s really just a socdem (although it is admittedly very funny to see conservative Americans freaking out over the mention of socialism). It’s not weird to not be a sycophant, personality cults are not a good thing.

You know, I’ll probably come up with like 100 more bad arguments I’ve seen floating around once i press the “Post” button, but it’s 3 AM and this post is already dragging even by my standards so maybe I’ll release another one of these at a later date. Until then, please wash your hands, stay safe if you belong to a risk group, and if you don’t belong to a risk group, don’t be a fuckface and hoard the supplies they need or endanger them by not following recommendations to limit the spread. I’ve had a probably-just-a-cold this week and you bet your ass I haven’t left my apartment even once just in case it wasn’t just a cold and I ended up murdering a grandma. Just don’t be pricks.

#politics #democratic primaries #Joe Biden #bernie sanders #rant

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