#and what's in focus depends on what I'm actively trying to imagine

[ikaroux]

How are they with their pregnant companion? Al Haitham, Dottore, Pantalone.

Synopsis: Pregnant, your husband/partner is over the moon. But how would he take care of you during pregnancy?

Style: Cute, fluffy, female reader.

Bonus NSFW (18+) I remind minors to avoid reading this kind of content.

Alert: May contain story spoilers for some characters.

Characters: Al Haitham, Dottore, Pantalone.

Next on the list: Ayato, Itto, Heizou, Cyno.

Part 1 Diluc, Zhongli, Kaeya, Xiao, Venti, Albedo, Kazuha, Childe.

Part 2 Scaramouche, Dainsleif, Thomas.

Note: For this headcanons, I assume that the reader is of age and that she is in a relationship with the genshin boy for a while! For Al Haitham, I don't know the character yet, I haven't met him during the main quest. I wrote him as I imagined him in a serious love relationship, like for Dottore and Pantalone. For Dottore, in the manga he is portrayed as a cruel man, who does not hesitate to play with the lives of others. I like the idea that once in love, he can completely change. You are beginning to know me, I never write anything cruel or violent. Dottore, Pantalone and even Pierrot (if I were to write about him one day), I would always soften the characters in their relationship, so don't be surprised to see no torture, insult or abuse.

PS: I'm trying to do a rewrite of part 1 with Diluc, Zhongli, Kaeya etc… I would like to add more details to what I already wrote…

masterlist

Part 1 Diluc, Zhongli, Kaeya, Xiao, Venti, Albedo, Kazuha, Childe.

Part 2 Scaramouche, Dainsleif, Thomas.

Vomiting, fatigue, late menstruation. Alhaitham would quickly notice the signs of your pregnancy. And, by the archons, if his deduction proved correct, you would make him the happiest man in Teyvat.

He would not tell you immediately, preferring to take you to a doctor first. Nevertheless, he won't be able to hide that sweet little smile every time he meets your eyes. No matter how much you ask him why he looks so cheerful, Alhaitham will just tell you in a calm voice, "You'll know soon enough."

When the doctor tells you the good news, Alhaitham will warmly welcome you into his arms, tenderly kissing the top of your head. "You knew, didn't you?" You tell him against his chest, which vibrates against your ear from his laughter. "Why didn't you tell me?" He gently pulled you away from his embrace to look into your eyes. "I didn't want to see your face devastated if it turned out I was wrong." His lips met your forehead. "But I'm glad you weren't."

Alhaitham was a scholar, a man more often occupied with furthering his knowledge than frolicking about the city. He spent most of his time reading, writing, studying or observing and, of course, improving his fighting skills. He was a man with a cold and distant appearance, often considered an unpleasant person, but as soon as you appeared in his field of vision, his expression would soften and he would stop all his activities to take care of you, and even more so since you were pregnant. The people of Sumeru as well as the scholars who knew the man well will be amazed at the change in his personality as soon as you entered the same room.

The man would personally take care of your meals, preparing each dish with care to ensure your child's good health as well as yours. He would select every ingredient and buy it for you. He would ask (or order, depending on your point of view…) Tignari and Collei to bring him the best fruits of the forest. Cyno would also be part of the game, whether willingly or not…

Alhaitham's hands are perfect for massages. He will use on you essential oils made in Sumeru to massage every painful part of your body. He will also apply it to the areas where your skin is more susceptible to stretch marks.

When he was not with Lady Kusanali, you will find him at the academy, sitting at his desk with several scrolls spread out in front of him. He has always allowed you to visit him, but where once his focus was on his work, since your pregnancy, Alhaitham now wants you close to him, pulling your body into his lap, one of his hands resting comfortably on your now beautifully rounded belly. His lips gently kiss your cheek before one of his hands picks up his quill between his fingers to continue taking notes. The gentle rubbing of his hand on your belly, the sound of the pen against the paper, and the peaceful breathing of your lover will accompany you into a pleasant sleep.

Alhaitham could sometimes see your face light up with intense joy when you felt the baby move. Curious, he would try to understand your feelings by touching your belly. The first time, his child had stopped moving as soon as he put his hand on you. "Sigh why do I feel like this child will be a strong head"; "Because he will be stubborn like his father!" You laughed and reassured him as best you could, one hand tenderly caressing his cheek before kissing him.

Alhaitham accompanied you on every visit to the midwife. She advised both of you to try haptonomy in preparation for the birth. It was a therapy that allowed you to create an emotional bond with your baby. She was to teach you both how to communicate with the baby. Touching was a fundamental thing and your lover did a great job of that, applying gentle pressure to feel the baby move.

With each touch, Alhaitham could feel his child respond as he "played" and stroked your belly, your hands gently placed over his to accompany him. He would often talk to your belly, his deep voice seeming to soothe your baby.

Sometimes he would stop whatever he was doing just to look at you. The more your belly rounded, the more he felt moved… You were so beautiful, standing there in front of that flowerpot you were watering, one hand on your belly while singing a nursery rhyme to your child. You were so precious to him, a jewel in his life.

Since your pregnancy, you had been moody. The midwife had already explained to him that this was normal, so Alhaitham did not worry about it. However, he stayed by your side through every bad patch that came your way, calming your fears. He knew you would be a good mother, and he told you so whenever you were in doubt.

At night, Alhaitham already had a habit of holding you close to him while you slept. Now that you were pregnant, every time you lay down next to him, he would massage your belly and your aching chest until you fell asleep. He will look at your sleeping form for a long time, his hand still on your belly before tenderly kissing your forehead, whispering a warm "I love you". He will fall asleep against you, his hand continuously brooding over your baby, who seemed to react to his father's warmth by giving gentle strokes against you.

Alhaitham was always lovingly tender with you. Throughout your pregnancy, he would bend over backwards for you, taking care of everything in preparation for the birth. He was the one who took care of decorating the baby's room, as well as everything administrative. He wanted to remove all the unnecessary stress from your head and take on his future role as a father.

Alhaitham will be an exemplary father, always encouraging his child to excel, to believe in his abilities. He will show great patience in his education.

NSFW Bonus:

Pregnancy hormones made you insatiable. The first time you begged your husband to take you, he was lying comfortably on your marital bed with a notepad in one hand and a pen in the other. Without him having time to react, you straddled him, gently pulling what was in his hands away to focus his attention on you. He knew immediately what you wanted and was neither surprised nor shocked. His lips met the sensitive skin of your neck as his hands came to rest on your waist to help you sway against his hips. You could quickly feel his sex rising up under his clothes as you rubbed languidly against him. You were driving him crazy. Crazy with desire, and your pregnancy wasn't helping.

Alhaitham would always go easy on you, he didn't want to bully you or hurt the little being in your belly. He would undress you calmly, his lips worshipping the parts of your body that were offered to him. By dint of rubbing against him, you were wet enough to take him inside you, nevertheless, Alhaitham preferred to prepare you for him, thrusting a finger then two between your lower lips, making you moan at the sudden invasion. As he pumped his fingers inside you, you clung to his clothes, begging him to remove them and penetrate you as deeply as possible. He couldn't resist you, but still decided to make you cum once on his fingers before tearing off his clothes and giving you the object of your desires.

As soon as he got what he wanted from you, he withdrew his fingers, leaving you panting and sweaty. He slid his tunic over his head as quickly as possible before opening his pants to pull out his manhood already soaked by his own excitement. His heart pounded against his chest as he helped you stand over him. You straddled him in one go, without giving each other time to adjust. Grunts filled the room. Both of you had red cheeks as you slowly rolled your hips against him, whispering his name over and over in his ear.

It felt good. Terribly good. Alhaitham helped you with your movements, using the strength in his arms to lift your hips up and down with more speed and precision. He was surprisingly loud, moaning loudly, his head pressed against the back of the bed. At this rate, he wasn't going to last long. Knowing you were pregnant, full of desire for him because of the hormones was making him dizzy.

He made you cum several times that night, before retiring to take care of your exhausted, but finally satiated body. After cleaning you up, Alhaitham took you in his arms to let you sleep. His hand, warmly placed on your belly, rocked you. He whispered loving words in your ear to help you fall asleep. Before he fell asleep, he made sure to tell you and the baby that he loved you more than anything.

"Dottore! I have good news for you!"

Dottore never thought about having children. Not with the life he was leading. He was known to be a cold-hearted man with little to no regard for human life. So when you happily told him of your pregnancy, Dottore would cease all movement with a grim look on his handsome face. His ruby eyes seemed empty as they remained fixed on the bottle filled with a strange liquid that he handled carefully before you arrived in his laboratory. "Good news, you say?" His calm voice nevertheless hid a hint of horror. Shivering at his chilling tone, you slowly moved away from him, understanding that he was not happy about the news. Quickly, you ran out of his laboratory, tears in your eyes. "Tsk… Shit!"

Dottore didn't care about people, much less their feelings… Many women had coveted him for his intelligence or his looks, but none of them had interested him enough to make him feel affection. His relationships had always ended in the same way, as soon as one of his suitors started to annoy him, Dottore killed her in cold blood, using her body for his experiments… So why was it so different for you? Why did your distress affect him so much?! Why, by all the gods, did he have to fall madly in love with you? Abandoning everything he was doing, he ran out of his laboratory to catch up with you. Dottore was a man of incredible intelligence, but he always felt like a complete idiot when it came to you. He easily hurt you with his words or his behavior. Yet, you had always stood by him, faithful and loving. So when he finally managed to grab your wrist, he vowed never to be the cause of your tears again.

Without a word, he pulled you into his arms, letting you beat his chest as hard and as long as necessary if it would earn him your forgiveness. Losing you was not an option… "Let me go! " He tightened his arms around you a little more as he heard your words. "I'm sorry…" He whispered in your ear in a broken voice, which stopped all your movements instantly. You weren't used to hearing him apologize. "A baby? The idea's not so bad." You sniffed against his shirt, plunging your face deep into his chest. "You really are just a jerk…"

After that, Dottore had a completely different demeanor with you. Where he was once obsessed with his research and experiments, his mind now wandered to you, often imagining you with a round belly. A gentle smile would sometimes appear on his lips as he tended to a few vials filled with some herbal liquid or poison. Seeing him like this often frightened his subordinates, who would ask him in a hesitant voice if everything was all right, which usually erased his soft, happy expression to find that cold, threatening façade.

Your companion was not a very popular man, either among the Fatui or anywhere else on Teyvat. He was feared for his experiments on humans and hated for being the cause of death of many. He knew that your relationship with him could harm you, so for your safety and that of his unborn child, he decided to have you live near the Tsarina's palace, only a few steps away from his laboratory. The only people Dottore trusted absolutely were his copies of himself, who took care of your protection in his absence.

At your request, Dottore will cease his research on human beings (though not willingly), claiming that your child does not need a murderer for a father. The two of you argued about this for a long time, but Dottore had found someone who could stand up to him, even finding you frightening at times (and even more so since your pregnancy), when you got upset about the methods he used in his experiments.

Dottore would go to great lengths not to upset you. He knew that strong emotions were not good for you during pregnancy. As a doctor and scientist himself, he knew the risks of miscarriage. He refused to have you followed by a doctor out of nowhere and preferred to be the one to follow your pregnancy and delivery.

During the first six months of pregnancy, Dottore would continue to spend a lot of time in his laboratory, asking Pulcinella to look after you and your needs when his clones could not.

Your husband would leave work in a hurry if one of his copies came to warn him of a problem. You'd be surprised to see him come running, breathless and disheveled, slamming the door to your house and calling your name in a hurry. If you complain of stomach pain, Dottore will lay you down on the bed, taking his medical equipment with him to examine you. As soon as he was reassured of your health, his body would relax as he continued to examine your belly with his stethoscope, a small chuckle making his vocal cords vibrate. When he removed the object from his ears, his amused gaze turned to you. "Would you like to hear it?" For the first time, you could hear your child's first sounds. A softly beating heart… Dottore tenderly kissed your forehead as the first tears of happiness rolled down your cheeks.

After the seventh month, Dottore would spend more time with you. It was strange not to see him working on one of his experiments or even just seeing him in a more casual outfit. Now that he was home more often, Dottore personally made sure you rested properly, sometimes forcing you to lie down on the couch where you were sitting and rest your head on his thighs to fall asleep. Of course, you didn't say anything, enjoying these moments of affection between you and him. Dottore was more tender than he wanted to be, his hand caressing your hair until your eyes closed. You were the one who had made him like this, affectionate, tactile, in love… He had become completely addicted to you, to the idea of building a family… He couldn't deny that a little bit of fear was making his heart twirl.

The more your belly rounded, the more your back became painful, often forcing you to sit or lie down. Dottore would work on massaging your back until you felt nothing.

"I'd rather it be a girl." he once told you. You laughed, knowing exactly why he was saying that. "You'll take what comes, honey." Dottore had seen and lived with younger versions of himself, ranging from childhood to adulthood. You had always thought he was a bit of a father to them, even though it seemed strange.

Dottore always made sure to keep you away from his work to avoid any danger from the Fatui. But, when people hostile to Fatui had attacked you during a moment of inattention on his part, you had seen a face of your husband that you had never seen before. Anger invaded his features, distorting his beautiful face into a mask of hatred. You knew that Dottore already had a lot of blood on his hands and you didn't want your child's father to have any more. Just as he was about to kill those who had hurt you, your voice brought him back to his senses. So, since he couldn't punish them himself, he would let the Fatui justice system do it for him. Perhaps it would have been better if he had killed them…

Your child adored his father, you could tell by the way he wiggled in your belly whenever he heard his voice or felt his hand on your belly. Dottore may have told you it was ridiculous, but you could still see his ruby eyes sparkle every time he felt his baby press against the palm of his hand.

Overall, Dottore will be a very strict father, hoping that his child will follow in his footsteps. He won't be strict to the point of being scary or hateful, he was just what was needed to keep his child from straying from the straight and narrow. Nevertheless, his child will love him unconditionally, seeking his approval, attention and affection every time he comes home.

NSFW Bonus:

You had reached the second trimester of your pregnancy, and you were beginning to feel a rather ferocious carnal appetite. Dottore would be the one to claim you first, though, not waiting for you to come begging. Of course, you were happily guided by this man. You didn't know if it was the pregnancy that made you want to be one with him all the time, and frankly, you didn't care. The only thing that mattered to you was to feel him inside you, to have him claim you, to desire you. Maybe it was a subconscious need to feel desirable again as some of the curves were coming in with the pregnancy?

When Dottore came home, he quickly threw his long fur coat on the coat rack before looking for you in the house with the only idea in mind to make you his. You were used to his roughness in bed, but now that you were pregnant, he was more gentle. He'd take the time to prepare (or rather torture) you with his fingers, caressing your slit and then massaging your clit before his lips took over after tending to your sensitive breasts. Even if you were wet enough for him, Dottore would always add extra lube to his fingers and member.

Your round belly prevented you from getting into certain positions during sex. Most of the time, Dottore would dominate you with all his form, just to save you from any unnecessary physical effort. But sometimes he would simply lay you down on the mattress with your back to him, spreading one of your legs to facilitate the penetration of his member into you.

The swaying of his hips would be torturously slow at first. Dottore liked to play with your nerves, putting aside his desire to hammer you to listen longer to the small moans of pleasure that you offered him. You were so sensitive that it made him lose his mind. But there comes a time when his restraint breaks, and as his lips marked the skin of your neck in a possessive gesture, his hips would increase the pace of their thrusts. Your husband's grunts of pleasure along with the moans of your name would eventually send you over the edge.

Dottore would wait patiently for you to calm down before continuing, his hips slowing in a languid circular motion. He wouldn't cum yet, preferring to savor you for as long as possible. His hand would come to rest on your belly for a while, caressing it gently. He would silently claim your lips with his eyes, kissing you deeply, tangling your tongues together. Dottore was a cold and cruel man, but in your arms, passion and warmth would emanate from him like a fire.

"Sweetheart, I have a gift to give you."

Pantalone was a Fatui enforcer, a wealthy banker known throughout Teyvat as a false, calculating and unscrupulous man. Who would have thought that such a person was capable of loving anything other than his money and starting a family?

When you offered him this small rectangular box carefully sealed with a blue ribbon, Pantalone first looked at it with a doubtful air before displaying his usual smile. "Do we have something to celebrate my dear?" Your sweet, innocent smile always cracked him up. As you remained silent and your gaze grew more insistent, the man sighed before one of his hands tugged at the ribbon that surrounded the package. When he opened the box, he was surprised to find inside a small knitted sweater, obviously made by you. He remained silent for a long time, observing the garment in his hands. "Um… isn't this a baby garment?" He fell silent, realizing what he had just said. When his eyes met yours in a silent question, you nodded sharply, confirming his suspicions. Trembling, he dropped the box to the ground, treasuring the sweater in his hand as he pulled you into his arms. You had both been trying to have a child for several months, and so far, it hadn't been a real success. He was going to do everything he could to take care of you both…

The first few months were complicated for you. You had every morning violent and unbearable nausea. But Pantalone always managed to help you get over it, sitting you on his lap after giving you a cool glass of water. He would massage your belly until you felt better.

Pantalone is rich. Excessively rich. It's almost indecent. Next to him, you felt like a smile. Yet your husband had been poor and that was the same reason why he was spending a lot of moras on his unborn child. He wanted to give him a luxurious and comfortable life, everything that he had not had in his youth. The furniture was made of the best wood. The sheets, mattresses, and all the fabrics covering the surfaces were made of the most expensive materials in all of Teyvat. Of course, he also showered you with gifts, giving you clothes, bringing you all the food you wanted. He spoiled you and fulfilled your every wish.

When the two of you go out, Pantalone always keeps a protective hand on your lower back, warning those who would want to hurt you. He wants to keep you from any unnecessary stress, especially if it's work-related.

You'll be quite surprised to learn that Pantalone has told all of his harbinger colleagues about your pregnancy. Sometimes he would sit in Dottore's office and tell him about your growing belly with unconcealed pride. Dottore would often growl at him, asking him to get out of his lab. The man hated to see his colleague, usually wearing a cold, manipulative smile, so gaga over a "baby.

In the early stages of pregnancy, Pantalone sometimes didn't come home all week, too busy managing Snezhnaya's bank. He hated to leave you alone for so long, even knowing that you had bodyguards protecting you. And although Pulcinella would come to see you from time to time, sometimes bringing you some sweets or your favorite fruit, it didn't make him feel any better. Every day he would write you a letter and you would rush to answer it. He was always so anxious to hear from you…

Pantalone is the kind of man who will talk to your belly, hands gently encircling your hips and an ear pressed against you, hoping to feel his movements and hear his child. If you're sitting comfortably on a couch, the man will come between your legs, face against your belly, eyes closed, savoring your hands combing his long silky hair. He would be perfectly capable of falling asleep in this position, totally serene in your hands.

Sometimes your companion would come home late from work and find you asleep on the couch in the large living room, patiently waiting for him to return. The man would let a long sigh escape him before displaying one of his rare tender smiles, approaching you to kiss your forehead, your nose and then your lips. His hand would warmly caress your rounded belly, until he was startled by his baby's movements. "Well, aren't you still asleep my precious? Be good, don't wake up mommy…" Gently kissing the spot where he had felt his child's thrashing. He would eventually lift you gently off the couch, carrying you in his arms to lay you down in your bed.

Every time Pantalone passed you, he would pull you into his arms, kissing your lips and whispering about how beautiful he thought you were with your rounded belly, brooding over his child. "How is it that every day you get more and more gorgeous?" You would often roll your eyes, cheeks flushed and a slight smile on your lips before silencing him with a kiss.

Pantalone has a deep, gravelly voice, perfect for soothing your child's fidgets as well as your nerves. He will gladly lay you on his lap with a Snezhnaya storybook in hand and read it slowly until you fall asleep.

Your mood swings will never disturb this seasoned businessman. He will find the right words to calm you down.

Your husband will be very affectionate with you. He'll always speak softly to you, the warmth in his voice soothing your often frayed nerves during pregnancy. He will put aside his evil eye, wanting to live many years with you and your child.

Pantalone will be a very loving father and like Kaeya and Zhongli, extremely gaga over his child. He would spoil him to excess if you weren't there to temper him.

NSFW Bonus:

Your partner did not hide his desire for you. After all, he never stopped telling you that he found you beautiful and desirable… Pantalone was not in the habit of asking for you at any time of the day, often too busy with his work. But he couldn't help it, your pregnancy made it impossible for him to control his urges.

Your sexual relations were always slow and languid. Pantalone had never been a rough or brusque person. He liked to sit you on his lap in his office, his fingers penetrating your wet slit. He wanted to hear every moan, every whisper of his name in your mouth. His free hand took hold of your sensitive breast, gently pinching and pulling your nipple. His lips would mark the skin of your neck before moving up to your jaw and then your ear, gently whispering to you to cum for him… His deep voice, marked by lust, will make you rock on his fingers.

Pantalone likes to take you from behind, sticking you against a wall before penetrating you. His hips will slowly sway behind you, first in a teasing circle before moving in more forcefully. One of his hands would be under your belly, helping you bear the weight, however lightly, while the other would draw your hips into place. A smirk would appear on his lips as you begged him to go faster. "Oh? Don't you appreciate the way I take you? It seems to lull our child to sleep though, don't you think? " And indeed, it was possible for sex to lull a baby to sleep in the womb. Reluctantly, you gave in to your husband's slow rhythm.

As soon as he felt your walls tremble on his member as your orgasm approached, Pantalone accelerated his thrusts, surprising you in the process with a shrill cry of sudden pleasure. "Pantalone! The baby he-"; "I never said it was enough to be slow to rock him honey." You quickly climaxed, screaming his name over and over until he released his load inside you, his head collapsing onto your shoulder, his breath tickling your bare back. Both of his hands would rest on your lower abdomen, tenderly caressing it as he whispered his love for you in your ear.

[bakasara]

Trying to parse my thoughts on Izzy's death and why I had a different reaction to it than I thought I would. To summarize: I thought I wouldn't like it, but also that they wouldn't do it; the opposite happened– they did it but I'm ok with it.

I'm also feeling like talking through some mourning for an amazing character, so follow along if that's you, too 😌

(I should probably clarify the following thoughts are coming from someone who deeply enjoyed this season.)

I first wondered what would be of Izzy around the end of season 1. I expected him to have a heel-face turn – which I object to calling a redemption arc and I'll get into why, because the distinction ties into his death imo. A lot of antagonistic characters' changes of heart end directly in death, but I thought they'd subvert that trope. And they... did, actually, despite Izzy dying. Not an option I had imagined.

What the show avoided is the logic, the set of tropes attached to the deaths of this kind of character. These deaths usually come as a consequence of the character's changed ethics or "redemption". My being against that scenario came from the diverging natures of traditional redemption arcs and OFMD's rhetoric.

A traditional redemption arc functions by a kind of catholic logic, if you will: the villain can become one of the good guys by balancing out his "sins"/bad deeds with enough good deeds to tip a moral scale. This often involves a purifying suffering, which acts as an agent to expiate one's faults. To the viewer, this suffering can serve to activate our empathy and make the character more sympathetic. It can also legitimize his quest: our trust in the character's good intentions comes from seeing that the character is ready to make sacrifices to become better and he isn't deterred by the hardships of doing the right thing.

The death occurring at the end of a traditional redemption arc acts as the ultimate sacrifice and/or purification. A number of ideas might be at play behind it, depending on each story: only in death can the soul become fully pure, or a final sacrifice is "needed" to demonstrate the change once and for all, or change was only possible up to a point after which there is no viable/acceptable future – the character deserves moral points for changing, but not so many that he also deserves a full life, or past crimes make him more expendable, etc.

But these are all ideas that aren't evoked in any of the crew's journey in OFMD. For starters, the show isn't interested in "catholic" redemption; its focus is on reintegration/rehabilitation into the community. Rather than appealing to the more traditional (in Western media) and more christian principle of "purification of the soul through mortification of the body", it plays with notions of restorative justice.

We see it especially this season with Ed and Izzy. Ed's arc is a whole little lab for it. We have the community being made to decide whether he can stay or should leave; catbell!Ed is made to apologize to the people affected – which he initially does abysmally, with what fandom has dubbed his "CEO's/YouTube apology". Later, he's given the opportunity to have a more honest and genuine conversation with Fang where he learns about how he hurt him. He's made to repair some of the material damage his behavior caused. Some members feel repaid by the idea that they did to him the same he did to them (Fang) while others don't (Lucius), and the show touches on what this means for each/legitimizes both feelings. Arguably, Ed using his treasure to throw Calypso's birthday party – a much needed refrain and moment of social (re-)connection within the community – is an additional form of reparation. While Stede's belief in Ed has a clear role in helping Ed change for the better, Izzy's s2 journey focuses even more intensely on the role of social support within an individual's constructive (re-)integration into their community. The show is condensed by choice of format, but the beats are all there.

With that kind of rhetoric set up, I'd never be able to accept Izzy dying in a way that feels like a punishment for his past crimes, nor in a way that should "confirm" his positive change/"purify" him for good. And he doesn't! By the time he dies, we know full well he's deeply changed, it's already established to completion. How it happens has nothing to do with proving himself – he's randomly shot in battle. It's never questioned that the time he got to live surrounded by affection mattered. The speech he gives Ed is only possible because he's changed, accessing a completely different perspective on piracy/life than before, like we see when he talks to Ricky earlier. The reason the whole crew is paying respect and crying is because he became "the new unicorn", a treasured member with a defined role. But his death itself is the show going back to the initial symbolism of Izzy as ultimate pirate. The narrative function of his death is underscoring that the age of piracy has come to an end. It's nothing to do with his change. It's posited as the "natural conclusion" (again, by symbolic function) of a character that represented piracy through-and-through, not the "natural conclusion" of a process of becoming better.

And for me, that difference changes everything. I can see and accept the logic behind it, even as I mourn Izzy as a character. It makes the grief feel like a catharsis I experience within the context of the story I'm watching, rather than a grief I feel from a show "betraying" me.

It's also a difference that completely changes how Izzy's death relates to his queerness. Izzy's change is intertwined with being able to express queer affection openly. Becoming "a unicorn" is this extremely queer imagery already – a magical rainbow creature. His role becomes akin to a mother to the crew (the mother hen!Izzy many headcanoned last season, tapping into his potential), a position that isn't extraneous to older queens, including our honored real-life mean-old-queer men. Last season he threatened another queer man for showing too much delicacy, effeminacy, vulnerability. Now, his change is a process that culminates in him singing a tender love song among the crew in drag. He's given the privilege of playing the soundtrack to our protagonists making love for the first time, which ties him symbolically to the event in a way it does no other crew member. Suffice it to say that insinuating his process of change should end in death would have been disastrous, as far as I'm concerned. Antithetical to the show's supporting ideology.

But that's not how it went. Grief occupies a big role in the queer community, but it's so rare that we get to experience it cathartically. In real life, we often have to contend with the ways queerphobia causes us trauma or even shortens our lives, or the lives of our friends. In fictional narratives, a lot of characters that get to express queerness unabashedly still die for the transgression. They're still usually the only queer character with relevant screen time or at all, at best one of two that formed a tragic couple.

We almost never have the opportunity to just mourn some motherfucker who died because they meant something else as well that was central to their character. To mourn and know we're mourning someone who wasn't ever punished for being queer-as-in-fuck-you and going all out. To mourn and not feel like it's another message of queer doom, because for once the character is surrounded by an entire crew of other queer characters that go on to live and be happy. To know the story is saying something about life, not about being queer. To know this kind of crafting was deliberate, too, because the creator has talked about working to avoid those tropes. I struggle to remember another time I had the opportunity to grieve for a queer character like they're a human being, without the implication that it's queerness itself that's a death sentence.

And honestly? It feels good. It feels like a form of catharsis I do not dislike. That I'm maybe kinda glad for. OFMD is and stays a magical world. Beyond that, in a show full of queers, one of them dies after getting some extraordinarily meaningful happiness, and it's peaceful, and I get to just be sad for the fucker without the gutting of being reminded that if you're gay, better not shoot too high. It feels like a completely different emotion that no other show, for now, would give me, but OFMD. To me, it's yet another thing it's pulled off.

As it's been known to do.

[restinslices]

hiiii :D

would it be okay for you to do bi-han, liu kang and kung lao x hypermobile reader if you're not too busy or anything?

like reader has alot of pain in the knees, back and gets frequent migraines and they try to help?

Hey bookie, I wasn’t ignoring you. I was just procrastinating 😭. Finally got to it though! When I looked it up a hypermobile person seemed like a double jointed person but with occasional aches but obviously there could be stuff I missed since I’m not hypermobile. Because of that I mainly focused on the things you brought up however if there’s certain things I missed, you can always request again.

Bi-Han

When it comes to your joints moving more than normal, I don't see him making a big deal about it 

I don't see him being like “omg that's so cool” but I also don't see him being like “that's freaky”

It's something he notices but doesn't point out

When it comes to pain he'll suggest stretching it out, which might do the opposite but it's what his brain conjures up first 

I just feel like stretching and trained assassins go hand in hand

He knows multiple stretches that focus on those areas and that's what he'd suggest first 

There’s also other physical activities like walking for your knees

His brain goes to physical things

If all else fails, he's a walking ice pack 

I don't think he'd necessarily want to be an ice pack but if I'm the wind under your wings, spit out a couple ice cubes for me 

As for migraines I am a firm believer that Bi-Han as the oldest brother is a mini medic

He'd assume your sick so he'd advise you to drink tea, eat soup and keep your eyes closed so they're not being strained while looking at something bright 

If you get migraines often he'd buy some thick ass curtains so the sun doesn't peek through 

He may be a lil asshole but I'm gonna stay delusional and believe he'd be a good partner 

He's a good man Savannah- 

Liu Kang

I also think he wouldn't make a big deal out of it 

He might comment on it but you'd be forgiven for thinking he forgot about it 

Idk how you could use this in fighting but if you could, all 3 of them are impressed 

When it comes to pain in the knees and back, he's the opposite of an ice pack 

His power might work better with aches and pains. Depends on your body

I doubt heating his hand up would be difficult for him 

He mostly wants you to rest and take warmth baths to soak your joints 

Him and Bi-Han are mini medics but Bi-Han is more of a physical therapist. Also sitting around is a problem for him. Liu Kang is more patient and understands that there’s nothing wrong with taking a break and letting yourself heal

He probably also knows a bunch more healing methods I don't 

He's been around the block for awhile. He knows how to do other things besides leave someone concussed 

Assuming you're a regular human, he knows how weak your body is (no tea no shade) and you really need to rest or you'll break down 

That's his thought process with migraines as well

Has you sleep a lot more since migraines can be eased with sleep 

He knows all the tricks in the book. You know when your parent is like “you have a headache? why don't you *insert the most old and outlandish bullshit*”? 

That's him 

You'd think he'd use all this worldly knowledge to oh, idk, build an empire or smth but no

Kung Lao

He wouldn't make a comment in a mean way but he would do a double take 

Maybe I'm wrong but I would imagine people don't go “hey! How are you? I'm hyper mobile btw” 

So when he sees a joint kinda move funny he's thinking “am I tweaking? I gotta be”

But then it happens again and he's like “aight, what the fuck was that?”

He asks a few more questions but that's kinda it. He won't ask your whole life story. If you wanna share more, then you will 

When it comes to pain you gotta thug that one out-

I'm joking… slightly 

Liu Kang is a demigod. Bi-Han is a human but got magic powers. Kung Lao is a normal person and only has a hat

And I don't wanna hear about the magic shit in his moves. In the game I'm pretty sure he only has that hat. The hat is cool and all but my point is, he can't magic any pain he feels away 

He knows better than anyone that sometimes you just gotta take the shit on the chin and try to go on about your day 

However, that wouldn't be his only solution 

Regular human who can't make his own ice packs means he's a regular human with tons of medicine 

Medicine he'd obviously share 

He'd even buy some specifically for joint pain and keep it on him for you 

Same with medicine for migraines 

He probably has way more of those so he can't carry all those bottles but he carries some in his pocket 

He actually has a phone so he's for sure looking up ways to help with any pain or discomfort 

Whatever comes up, he'll suggest to you or help you with 

Your pain won't go away the quickest with him but it's obvious he's trying his hardest 

I did not mean to give Kung Lao the most-

[the-milk-monarch]

[𝚂𝙼𝙾𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚆𝙴𝙴𝙳]

Summary: General headcanons.

☢︎ | Total Drama | ~3k words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Mal | Mike | Vito | Svetlana | Scott | Gwen | Noah | Cody ⚠ | smoking weed lol

[𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎]

He'd be very hesitant to try any illegal (or legal, depending where you live) substance.

You gotta be on very close terms, and he needs to trust you a lot.

Would be surprised, first of all, when you offered.

I imagine he was a "good boy" throughout his life, so he'd have to think about it.

But if you finally get to it, he'd be quite fun.

After he goes through the several coughing fits, of course.

You make sure to bring him something cold to drink though, to help with the burning throat.

I imagine he'd focus on all the touchy-feely aspects of weed, like enjoying soft fabric, the euphoria, better music and so on.

It'd be quite an adorable sight of him "discovering" those.

The both of you had already prepared everything for a good smoking session, or so you thought. You noticed you didn't have a tv remote nearby to change the screen to Netflix, so you had to leave Mike alone on the couch for a moment. Mike felt all tingly and slightly dazed, nothing he had ever experienced before. It was both terrifying and kinda cool. He patiently waited for your return, but as he got slightly bored, his eyes began to wander around. His focus got fixated on a fluffy blanket you were supposed to cover yourself with. He gently picked it up with curiosity. His fingers just touched the nicest fabric known to man. It took you a while, but you eventually found the remote. Which was left in your room. You should really watch where you put your things while stoned. You couldn't hide the smile you had on your face as you noticed Mike getting comfy with the fluffy blanket. He made his lower half into a burrito, fidgeting with the tip of the blanket with his hands. After he noticed you staring he immediately stopped, though. "Oh- You're back." He smiled nervously. "You mind sharing that blanket?" You smiled back, nearing closer to the boy. "Right, of course, you can come here." He changed his position as he quickly reacted. You got under the blanket with the remote in your hand, sitting next to him as your side touched his. "It's- very comfy." He quietly remarked with a shy smile as a fact, but also to explain his "weird" behavior. "Not as much as you." You joked as you leaned your head on his shoulder, flashing a silly smile. His face flushed a slight shade of red as he chuckled.

Not that he'd demand it, but... If you pet his head, he'd appreciate it a lot 👉👈

Do it please, he'll melt.

[𝙼𝚊𝚕]

Surprisingly, he never tried it.

Ok, he may have, once or twice, but it was with a bad crowd most probably, so that doesn't count.

He'd also have to trust you quite a lot to be exposed to such an activity, it'd leave him vulnerable, after all.

But if you're close together then it wouldn't be such a big deal for him.

Weed paranoia might set in if the vibe in his mind ain't right though.

Then he'd be closed off and not really having fun.

But if not, he'd be quite chiller version of himself.

And you try your best so he'd be comfy.

"So- How do you feel?" You asked, looking at him. An idea has already formed in your head, but for now, you try to test the waters. He reciprocated the stare briefly, taking a second to process what has been said to him. "I'm- fine. Why do you ask?" "Do you wanna feel even better?" You ambiguously (in his pov) asked. He raised an eyebrow at you. You could've worded yourself better, but it's what you have to roll with now. "I mean-" You tried to explain yourself, but it's hard to form words in your state. At least you and him are both stoned, so it's unlikely Mal would cringe too much at you. "Since we're watching a movie, and I see you sitting so tense, why don't you- lay down?" You lightly suggested. He shot you yet another confused stare. "You care a lot about my comfort now, huh?" He asked you in a bit poking fun way, but it was all lighthearted - at least you thought so. "I'm very hospitable to my guests, what can I say?" You smoothly tried to save your face. He rolls his eyes at you, after which he smirks slightly. "Alright. But what about you? What if I take all of the couch space?" He raised his brow in a bit amused manner. "You know, you can just put your head on my lap." The words spilt out of your mouth. You got some surprised yet entertained at your boldness stare. "Don't think it's gonna become a habit." He 'warned' you before hesitating for a second and carefully placing himself down. His head awkwardly leaned on your lap. He wasn't used to being in such position. "And that's supposed to be comfy?" He was laying on his back as he looked you straight in the eyes with a halfly playful and doubtful expression. You noticed it was your cue, so you gently raised your hand to touch his hair. He got slightly alarmed at what you're doing, but after your fingers touched his hair and made the first pet, his expression softened a little. His face remained neutral, although it was visible from his body language that he actually enjoyed the closeness. "...So? Feeling comfy yet?" You playfully asked, playing with his hair. It was quite fluffy, as you expected. "Hm... I agree it is enjoyable to have a useful pawn at your disposal." He joked with a slightly silly smirk.

Surprisingly enough, he'd be quite funny when watching some shitty movies.

Like this guy has some sick ass roasts for the bad characters + stupid plot mixture.

Sorry but Mal strikes me as a hidden comedian.

Of course, it's only funny if you're into his humor though.

Loves listening to music high, the lyrics just flow in his head.

Are you up for listening to My Chemical Romance with him??

[𝚅𝚒𝚝𝚘]

This boy must have smoked some before.

Or at least seems like the type who would.

He'd be way more annoying with his flirts.

Weed gives him confidence, and it's already oozing out of him enough while sober.

An opposite of Mal, in a sense that Vito just cannot be funny.

You may only laugh at how bad his jokes are (respectfully).

This won't stop him from having a good time and laughing at his own jokes though.

To be fair, on weed everything is way funnier, so Vito passes the hilarity scale anyway .

He also laughs at the dumbest things.

Show him funny videos compilation and he'll have a good time.

Would get even lazier.

Expect him to be all over the couch.

Oops, guess there's no place to sit now.

Better go cuddle with him.

You just came back from going to the kitchen to get some more food and here you saw your place on the couch taken. "Vito." You shot him a half-serious glare, to which he just stretched more comfortably. "Hm? Oh, did ya really like that spot on the couch?" He said looking at you, playful and smug. You rolled your eyes at him, waiting for him to move. He didn't. He just looked at you, as if testing your patience. "Sorry, I look too good right now to move from this place." He playfully stuck out his tongue with a smirk. You took it as a challenge, so you just squeezed yourself in-between the couch and him, making him almost fall off the couch when he lost balance. "Aye, yo- you gonna drop the goods-" He quickly remarked as he got his balance back. You chuckled and caught him with your arm on his side, supporting his body so he wouldn't fall down. He readjusted into a comfier position, facing you. "Ain't it better laying here?" He said with a smirk.

Perfect fit to watch movies while cuddling.

Especially some cool, action ones.

That way he can tell you how he's as amazing as those guys in the movie, and that he could do anything, like that guy from Need for Speed.

If you disagree, he'll be very disappointed.

[𝚂𝚟𝚎𝚝𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚊]

It'd be... an usual sight to see her smoke.

I mean, she's so active and energetic-

It kind of translates to something else when she's high.

She loves to talk on weed.

"Vant me to tell you zat one time I got a golden medal?" The enthusiasm was fully visible on her face. "Of course." You nodded lazily but with curiosity. "Oh, great! It vas near the time I performed my first backflip!" She reminisced and continued. "I'll tell you about zat too!"

She's so social, talkative, expressive and overall joyous.

You think it's quite adorable, and you don't mind listening.

You forget everything she said after few minutes anyway.

Don't worry, she'll say it again, with the same enthusiasm.

But don't take her as a selfish one, she'd love to intently listen to your stories too!

She'll try her best to remember them as well.

On a funny scale, Sveta is most likely the 3rd funniest one, I don't make the rules (I do actually)

She can be a bit- savage, if she wants to.

Especially when it amuses you.

She loves to see your smile.

She's also such a cuddlebug!

Loves to stay close to you, you're like her personal pillow.

You noticed the window to your room being open. You didn't mind a slightly colder room, but you wondered if Svetlana was bothered by it. "Hey, Sveta, are you cold?" You asked casually, gaining her focus. "Are you?" She looked at you like a concerned mother. "Nah, I'm fine." You calmed her down, although you couldn't deny the dirty truth. "I mean, maybe a bit, but I'm too lazy to go close it." "Oh, zis is unacceptable-" She scooted closer to you as she said halfly-jokingly and embraced you tightly. She gently laid you down with her body weight and put herself on your chest. You felt her arms holding you as she had a warm smile on her face, giving you a nice source of heat now. "Is zat better?"

[𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝]

He'd be a total dork.

He has never smoked weed, but will act like an expert.

"Hey, Scott, you sure you're gonna handle that much?" You asked, concerned about Scott's wellbeing after you noticed his share of weed. "Psh, I'm gonna be fine!" He brushed you off with a simple gesture with his hand. You watched as the boy with freckles on his face got the bong in his hands and started to inhale the smoke. He tried his damn best, but he couldn't stop the attack of sudden coughing it gave him. "Ih'm- Good-" He managed to cough out.

After trying to appear cooler, he'd behave a lot more dumber.

Which made it harder for you to stop giggling after each of his response.

"So- Whatchu wanna watch?" You asked him lazily. "Wha- Huh-" He looked around, thrown off of his thoughts. You laughed softly at his state. "...What was the question again?" He looked at you, really dumbfounded. "What movie do you want to watch?" You repeated with a chuckle. "...One that has moving pictures in it."

He also wouldn't be able to resist the food.

The pure joy in his eyes once he took a bite out of the pizza you ordered before smoking-

Is also a lot more excited for things, like "Woah, there are still onion rings left? Amazing!"

Is also down for like, anything you suggest.

Wanna watch a movie? Got it.

Wanna watch the paint dry? Sure thing.

(He used to it for fun as a child, anyways)

Wanna sit on the floor, stopping whatever you were doing to pet your dog/cat? Count him in!

His whites turn so red because of his blue eyes- (I experienced it first hand)

[𝙶𝚠𝚎𝚗]

She totally smokes weed on her own, from time to time.

So she's not as afraid to do it with you for the first time.

Her social anxiety would be slightly lowered, and so she wouldn't be as self-conscious to get vulnerable around you.

She would probably have a good time.

Also would get more touchy, she rediscovered her biggest weakness, affection.

She usually doesn't receive much of it, given her closed off and calm body language around others.

She'd be the one to ask for permission to touch your hair (if you're close, of course).

She loves to play with it, you're like a personal kitty to her.

Loves watching horror movies with you!

Whether bad or not, she's up.

Her favorites are Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street and Scary Movie series, which she enjoys a bit ironically (not all of the jokes from the movie aged well).

If you're scared of horror though, she'll light up the mood with silly jokes and lots of cuddling.

She looks the best in her cozy pajamas, laying on the bed with you.

Sorry Gwen-fans, no little situation bit for Gwen 😔 I'm feeling uncreative on this one

[𝙽𝚘𝚊𝚑]

You wouldn't expect him to actually agree to smoke weed with you.

Turns out, he's up for it.

I mean, he never saw it as anything spectacular, but could understand why people do it.

Never planned on doing it himself, but since you offered, he's slightly curious to try.

Que nonchalant coughing after inhaling too much on the first try.

Don't make fun of him.

Would internally salivate after the hunger hit him like a train right when he finished smoking.

"So- What do you want to eat first?" You casually asked. He waited a bit before answering. "Anything works, really." You passed him a very good looking, chocolate donut. He took it into his hands, looking at it a bit before taking a bite. His eyes opened a bit wider while experiencing the explosion of flavor from it. "I never thought I'd know what Owen feels like on the daily."

Would get like, 10x funnier.

Watch a movie with him, it'll be a blast.

He's the type to sarcastically comment on a cheap 3D during a movie scene. "Geez, if I wanted to watch a bad production, I'd watch Total Drama."

Would probably cringe after the smoking session was over though.

As if he shown "too much of his bad side", which he usually smoothly tries to hide.

But it wouldn't be such a big deal, he just isn't in the mood to hear your teasing at something silly he might have done then.

Actually would be up to smoking again, it seems like a blast.

[𝙲𝚘𝚍𝚢]

Yes he smoked all the weed, everytime and anywhere.

Don't actually let him smoke too much though, he'd get obliterated.

He has never tried weed, but wanted to try it with you, since you offered, and he thought it'd be a good idea.

But he found out he's slightly paranoid after it.

And his awkwardness doubles.

I mean, how can he not, he has to show his best self to you!

He calms down once you put him in a good place mentally.

He can't stay in his limbo of intrusive thoughts if he's got a bad joke to laugh at.

His honest laugh is so pure.

He didn't even know how much of a sweet tooth he'd become after smoking.

He likes sweet to a relatively normal degree while sober, but boy oh boy that chocolate bar is looking good right now-

He won't stop eating them unless you tell him to leave you some, to which he'd embarrassingly chuckle at. "Sorry-"

If he's feeling brave after all of that character development, he might subtly suggest snuggling together.

He just got to see how amazing it is to have a heightened sense of touch, and he's not gonna waste it.

"Do you- also feel a bit cold?" He asked, trying to be casual. "No, actually. Do you?" You responded honestly, leaving him a bit out of options as to what to say. "Um... I- kinda- do-" He stayed 'nonchalant' as he fidgeted a little with his hands, trying to keep his body language neutral. You didn't think a lot before responding back. "You can come closer, I don't mind." You casually said. You didn't really mind the close proximity while high, you liked having someone to casually lean onto. And you certainly didn't mind it with him. "Oh, that's fine then-" He scooted over to you in a smooth, yet a bit hesitant manner. You felt Cody's warm side beside yours. "If it's not weird with you, you can like- comfortably lay on me, if you want." You lightheartedly and carefully suggested, not wanting to seem like a weirdo, in case he's not as open to physical touch. Cody's eyes widened a little, but he wasn't about to decline your offer. "O-okay!" He exclaimed, trying to contain his excitement, not to seem too desperate for any sort of affection right now. He entangled his arm slightly into yours to get even closer, after which he leaned his head on your shoulder. "Amazing..." He mumbled to himself with a goofy smile, hoping you wouldn't hear.

If you're like his best friend and he's comfy around you, prepare yourself for a karaoke night of stupid songs like California Girls.

This boy can get silly.

[sabertoothwalrus]

eep sorry if youve been asked this, but when u go abt drawing bgs for ur comics, do u look up references or use imagination, and how do u practice drawing bgs for storyboards rather than illustrations? im rlly not sure where to start, and i feel like a lot of advice focuses on rendering bgs rather than it feeling ~lived in~ or actively being used or augh not sure how to say!!

hhhh ok this is something I am also still in the process of trying to figure out, and I am not a professional storyboard artist so I will attempt to answer to the best of my ability.

when it comes to storyboards, the amount of detail bgs will have during the boards phase will depend largely on both the studio AND the specific production. some 3D shows will have a render of a commonly used room the board artists can angle around for their shots. Adventure Time boards tended to be pretty loose, while the Owl House boards are EXCEPTIONALLY clean. DTVA seems to have bgs created in a several step process, and I'm not exactly sure of the timeline, but I know they have vis dev artists that do more illustrative, conceptual drawings to get the vibe, then the board artists draw out what general angles will actually be used, then layout artists/bg designers who actually go in and DRAW those bgs and add in all the little details, and THEN the colorist comes in and...colors it. I don't think every studio distributes the work in this same way. Not every studio is going to want board artists to draw clean backgrounds, but MOST will get pissed if you refuse to draw them at all djfhgdjf

If you want some tips about adding small details, this has some really useful advice.

I don't add lighting or grayscale values to my comics unless it's important to the tone/clarity, and I think that's generally the case with boards too (at least for TV, I don't know as much about boarding for feature). Here's some advice about adding lighting.

^ here's a bg I put a little more effort into than usual. I referenced some images of thrift shops I pulled up on duck duck go, some of my own memories of thrift shops I've been to, and even went on the shiftythrifting tumblr. This was just a silly comic I knew I'd be posting on tumblr rather than a serious board, so it didn't matter to me if it was perfectly clean or not. some of the shapes are... vague. and loose. but who cares sdjhfjd I think (?) it conveys the concept that this is a thrift shop.

^ for THIS comic I wanted imply hunter crowded them in the bathroom to "talk in private" which felt like a very 16 year old thing to do + there were already some nifty references of the Noceda's bathroom. and listen I know it's not perfect. I didn't draw ANY perspective guides, did more trial and error than I probably needed to, the cabinet is WAY too high. (even in the original, why is this bathroom so spacious???? why is the toilet so far from the wall where the toilet paper is???) but even with all the mistakes, it doesn't matter! no one probably noticed while watching. you see it so briefly, and your attention is still focused on the characters.

I'd say the main thing when drawing bgs for storyboarding & comics is to focus on Perspective and Composition above all else. It's ok to be loose, but make sure you still have Clarity. Be mindful of proportion ("how big is this character in comparison to the objects around them?") and angles ("if this is a low angle, shouldn't I be seeing the ceiling/sky?") etc etc because even if you know you won't be drawing it perfectly, it helps to still have it in mind.

[shiftertech]

It usually starts as a sinking feeling in my gut. Unconsciously I curl my fingers, digging into the mattress and seeking a certain sensation. If I had the propensity for it, maybe I'd start tearing up, but even after getting on that estrogen/antiandrogen cocktail, it was still highly conditional. Instead I end up burying my face into a soft pillow and nuzzle into it. My body settles into the covers. I'm probably going to be here for a while.

The offending content is half of the time very unassuming at first, but something about it (maybe the detail work in the fur, or the tugging brutality of wicked claws emerging from twitching fingertips), give me pause. I want to reach out—want to be this thing. And then there's this oh-so-familiar blanket of isolation that prevents this feeling from growing out of control and consuming me to hopelessness. I can name them if you haven't figured it out: yearning, desire and envy.

It's really not one of those things I can just put down and forget about. It's something that stuck with me even after entertaining it in every fashion imaginable. When the excuses for intense interest blended between simple intrigue—to artistic appreciation—to something more fetishistic and isolatingly shameful—to a strong feeling that cannot be refuted or lessened from an undeniable discrepancy from humanity.

One doesn't stay feverishly stuck on an idea for well over a decade and pass it off as an idle fancy. Not one like this. Not with how this feels. Not when my heart beats faster everytime I see a depiction of a body contorting in a particular way. Not when words can reduce me to a lump under the covers imagining them in vivid detail as the character of transformative focus is who I become for a small period of time. I'll take this brief release. It's so damn good.

At some point when dealing with strong and affecting emotions, we stumble across different mechanisms for coping with them. In this very particular case of mine, I found it in very active affirmations. As it turns out, if you stretch a muscle, and bend the mind, things can become very convincing.

I feel like this calls for a demonstration, so I invite you to slip into my body for a moment. Let my references to self become references to your own self. Let's begin with the muscles.

Lazily I roll over onto my stomach, eyes squeezed shut as I let my arms extend forward of me. This will be more much comfortable for what's to come, and with a safisfied hum, my wrist rotates downwards into the soft ground. The resistance against this downward push of my hands is the first key stretch, but if we are to get anywhere, I need to feel this stretch go all the way down from my wrists to fingertips. Bending my fingers back at their first knuckles while flexing them forward at their tips to dig into the ground does the trick. Depending on how I'm feeling, I may pull my thumbs as far back as I can, almost as if I was trying to tuck them away into my hands but not quite there yet. I like to let my hands and fingers twitch a bit to help with the sensations. I focus on that lovely stretch, making sure it's just at the edge of hurting but not quite, and it's very pleasant. It can be even better once I get the mind involved.

(Loosen up a bit, suspend your disbelief. The key here is that if you think you're feeling something, you are. Believe it, without a shadow of a doubt. Doubt is your enemy here. The question of, "is this working?" need only be answered with "yes, of course, silly.")

I feel the stretch of my hands tug at tendons and bones and skin, from the base of the fingers they extend excruciatingly slowly away from my wrists and palms. While my eyes stay shut, I just know if I was to open them, I'd see the uncannily distorted visage of a hand, lengthening in size while my fingers are gradually consumed by encroaching skin, binding their movement somewhat. They plump up slightly feeling oddly pudgy against the ground below as I feel my fingertips push harder into the surface.

There are three parts to what has happened so far in the mind. I identified an internal sensation, supported it with a visual description, and grounded it with an external sensation (in this case, the actual ground). Let's continue. I get antsy when I stop mid-change.

Prickling points count numerous across the back of my misshapen hand, starting as a barely noticeable warmth under the skin before they bloom into patchy waves of itchy heat. Sprouting bristles curl out from beneath my stretched skin in what is reminsicent of stubble. As they grow, they arrange themselves into slightly scraggly patches of cream colored fur. A feverish heat envelops my hands, as the remaining gaps between patches are filled out. I can feel my fur brush against the ground and am accutely aware of a miniscule tug across my skin where disturbed fur connects.

With another flex, I dig my not-quite-fingers further into the ground. With time they've grown plump in some areas while in others the knuckles shape the fur around around them. I know if someone were to see them, they'd think them to be unmistakably canine digits, and that sends a thrill through me. I can feel the thickening at the bottoms of these digits of rough pads bubbling from roughened skin. I can feel the lovely way they deform against the ground, squishing out to the sides ever so slightly.

The change is awfully slow, the strain on my muscles becoming a rising burn that I relieve with a quick relaxation and retensing of my paws—yes, paws. To call them anything else when I can feel how much potential rests within each, the power pulsing in waves down to their very ends. I want to use that power. I want to feel the release of it. I dig the digits in further and feel spiking pressure where blunt nails are rapidly feeling thicker and thicker. I'd describe the sensation as a fascinatingly grotesque sliding of bone from between my own skin. I feel that in the claws which emmerge from my digits, curling wickedly into blunted points.

Euphoric. Absolutely euphoric feeling my claws sink into the ground, my mattress. I feel the piercing sensation with each pressure against the weak material. Every drag of a paw against it tugs gloriously at the base of each sunken claw, tearing right through. I push myself up on my new paws and feel the way the weight shifts on the pads of them. It's perfect, it's everything. I want to go further, make all of me just like these wonderful paws. For sake of demonstrative brevity, I'll leave it at that. I'll be content and lay my head onto these soft paws of mine.

If you did do what I suggested and let yourself become me for this demonstration, hold onto those sensations you may be experiencing, the form and feeling of it. They are very real right now if you let them be. If you wish to let them go, it's as easy as releasing held posture and the paws will quickly revert back to whatever form they took previously. Of course, anything fades with time, so you may start to feel your grasp on these paws of ours slipping and fading. That's alright, it's easy enough to start again from the top. You can stop reading here if you really don't want to lose them.

This is my form of active affirmations in a nutshell. When I don't have a physical method of affirmation (attire, visual aids like VR, etc.), this works wonders without needing anything else. I can apply it all across the body, recontextualizing sensations to new shapes and sizes. It doesn't fix things. It doesn't forever sate the yearning. I still look for the next best way to feel closer to what I wish to be. But this helps. At the very least, that next time that I stumble into something and find myself craving to be beastly, or cuddly, or what have you, I have the tools to satisfy that craving if I have focus and patience.

I remember many nights years and years ago when I'd be reaching for the exact same goal desperately. I'd be chasing a sensation, hunting for a deep satisfaction, and missing the mark by hairs. Hypnosis files, meditation attempts, induced lucid dreaming, among other methods.

Is it odd to not have ever experienced a sensation and yet know it intimately all the same? It feels almost torturous in a way. Knowing and getting close, but never properly experiencing it. Merely imitations, even if visceral ones.

To add to the cruelty is the failing focus of the mind to hold onto an experience and its resulting sensations. It fades like a dream, slipping between one's metaphorical fingers and leaving the faintest of traces that it even occured.

Let me make some assurances in light of this. Even as the dream fades, as paws fizzle out back into fleshy hands, it doesn't mean that it wasn't real to you. You still experienced it, possibly viscerally, and that's a beautiful thing. What's real and what isn't in the realm of personally percieved physical realities is purely up to you. You are whatever you wish to be, and if you can induce a sensation, that sensation was very much so part of your reality. You had paws, sweetheart! You still can have them if you let yourself seek it out again. It's all up to you.

[lakesbian]

what are all the non taylor related relationships between the undersiders that we dont get to see much of like in your mind palace (eg brian and lisa, rachel and alec)

see this is a complicated quastion that the answer to depends on what point in worm we're talking about but for the point i'm currently at/around in worm reread it's Agonizing to witness how brian is genuinely the team's leader, lisa literally imagines him telling her 2 Focus On The Important Parts in her head during the leviathan fight to steady herself--but also she has a gun to her head, and she can't tell any of them about it, and she is constantly having to manipulate brian into making certain decisions (lest all of them but especially her be fucked) while appearing like she's Not doing that. little details like her asking brian what they should do next, brian going "uhh idk," and then lisa Immediately going "ok well i think we should take taylor back to the loft :)" (<- thing she clearly already had in mind but didn't suggest without cursorily asking brian first) are soo. augh. her automatically smiling (<- girl who is sof ucked reflex) when brian starts listing really rational reasons not to go to the bank robbery that she Has to convince them to go along w/ 2 keep coil happy. etc. and he Doesn't Know....he Doesn't Know that she is a girl who is so fucked. coworkers/work friends wherein the dynamic of "uugh and some people (lisa) think they know everything" "i Do know everything :^)" are Agonizing (good) to witness. as for rachel and alec i think they have a nice arrangement going where he doesnt fuck with her and she doesnt rip his spleen out and use it to play fetch with her dogs 👍he understands that she is also a reject and this is why he includes her alongside him + aisha on his list of ppl who should turn traitor and form the othersiders when he's making that joke, but he also understands that they are different types of rejects and would not get along so hot as friends. and then she ends up becoming close to taylor and leaving the reject club a party of two (him + aishie)

also my favorite little rare undersider dynamic is lisa/aisha where lisa is so so good and regular at literally just. identifying the simple things she wants and pointing her towards them (e.g. when shes bored during arc 10 instead of trying to control/scold her like brian does lisa just points her to an Activity and then shes chill). whereas brian is control freaking it up and possibly in his head grumbling about lisa having an easier time of managing aisha than he does

[sullina]

hey

are you someone who would like to write but can't seem to get started? Despite being at no loss of ideas?

Here's a tip. Especially for your first work and especially the first draft.

forget originality

that sounds mean now, but listen: every concept imaginable has been done by someone before. There will always be unoriginal concepts in every single work.

But that doesn't make these concepts bad

Because what actually matters is how you use them.

So if you're trying to write something, one of the best first steps you can take is probably just getting laid out what you want to write. Like, what concepts do you want in your work? What things did you like from other works? What characters from other works do you like, and why?

For your very first draft, when you're just starting out, it's perfectly fine to borrow building blocks from others.

Because here's a little secret: unless you're copying one single media word for word, those building blocks will rarely look the same after you've written down your idea and trying to fit everything together.

it's 100% fair to take concepts from other works and use them in your own writing. Because over the course of actually writing your own story, you will also make those borrowed concepts your own.

Sure, it's been done before...

but no one's done it like you yet.

And here's a second tip: if an idea you had or concept you like doesn't work for the thing you're writing anymore, it's okay to let go.

You don't have to throw it out completely, but maybe put it on the shelf for now. Once you're further along with your writing, you might just see the perfect opportunity to reintroduce it in a new way.

I wouldn't call myself an experienced writer just yet, but if there's one thing I've learned already, it's that crafting a story is NOT a straight line. There's bumps and sometimes you go in circles, and then there might be a point where you have an absolute genius idea or you realize that something you already wrote is an amazing setup for this next thing.

So it's not linear. At all. But you have to keep going.

Not everything you write is gonna make it into the final work, but it's still important that you write it. Because you can't make a thing without going through the process of making it. Fails and dropped ideas are as much part of this process as every success and genius idea.

And one final tip for you. Choose a medium to write in that you actively like doing, and doing a lot. By this i mean: writing on your computer is convenient for sure, but it's not the only way to write.

I've found that I fucking love writing by hand with a fountain pen, and it's something that I can do for hours at a time. And don't get me wrong, I do like typing on a computer and I'm not half bad at it, but going back to fix typos? Super annoying. it's fine if I'm making a short tumblr post like this (though i probably have a different definition of "short" than most people), but the outline of my current work in progress is almost 80 pages now. if that were digital, it would probably be more like... 40 pages or something, depending on the font and size, but my point is that digital typing, while convenient, is also annoying to me, personally.

And, ironically, also too quick. I like to think as I write and with digital typing, i have to focus too much on actually typing, but when I'm handwriting, i don't have that problem. I can go relatively quick and it's not like I don't make typos while handwriting, but crossing out one letter and putting the correct one over it is much faster than having to backspace and re-write an entire word (I could use the arrow keys but like. who has the damn time. too fiddly.)

My point here is not that digital writing is terrible and sucks, my point is that if you're gonna write, then you're gonna be doing the action of writing a whole damn lot, so make sure you can do it as comfortably as possible. For me, that's handwriting, for you, it might not be.

...if there's anyone who WILL spring for handwriting though, let me give you one final piece of advice: it might be wise to not go for pretty notebooks, for fear of "ruining" them. I knew this from myself already, so i instead went for regular notebooks, the kind that i used to use for school. The paper is good quality and the fountain pen that I have feels so nice when writing on it. You might think "but that's just small stuff!" and yeah it is, but small stuff can quickly become very very big stuff if it's building up over months or years.

[pompadourpink]

salut maman!! how long does it take to learn french? i guess it depends but wanted to ask

Hello child,

As I'm sure you can imagine, there is no unique answer to this. Not only because how quickly you'll become fluent will depend on your personality, learning style, tolerance to frustration, and the amount of free time you have and are willing to spend working on it, but also because fluency is a blurry concept, especially for romance languages since they're so dynamic and different from what you find in textbooks.

Starting from scratch, if you work half an hour a day, use the right tools, know how to alternate between activities, and learn things in the right order, I think you can get to about B1 in a year and B2 in two - which doesn't seem like much of a difference, but it's actually the biggest one when learning a language in my opinion.

What do I mean:

Half an hour a day: you need things to stick, so ten minutes wouldn't cut it, but I doubt more would be, first, realistic, because you'll have other things to worry about, sometimes you'll be sick, busy or on vacation, and second, sustainable: if you turn the experience into a burden, you'll be consistent for a few days, weeks, months, take one day off, and avoid your notes for the next eight months because you've stressed yourself out too much.

Use the right tools: my favourite resources are le Wiktionnaire (etymology is a good friend), Wordreference, Lenouvelobs and Deepl.

Alternate between activities: getting a grammar book and reading one page a day will make you miserable and steal your motivation. On day one, you can learn articles and practice, on day two, read a Petit ours brun book with the help of Deepl, on day three learn how to pronounce numbers on Youtube... One tip: start the day by reviewing what you did the day before.

Learn things in the right order: my method with beginners is typically to focus on reading and overlook writing and pronunciation for a while so that they can get a good understanding of our syntax, memorise prepositions, tell tenses apart, etc. If on day one, you decide to watch a dubbed version of Friends or Harry Potter, it will be the equivalent of getting a firearm, shooting yourself in the foot and wondering why it's not helping you run a marathon.

I've been tutoring for almost three years so I'll add this: your worst enemy will be your ego. I've heard many times people six months into their journey complain that they speak like a six-year-old without realising that it took the six-year-old six years.

It will be difficult, particularly if your first language is not romance: sometimes you'll have strokes (I have nearly fluent students who sometimes forget that adjectives can need to be pluralized or casually write il mangé convinced it's imperfect), sometimes you'll try to translate English even though it's generally not an available option, sometimes you'll blank over a basic word and rage.

It's fine. It's all fine. Trust the process.

Hope this helps! x

[gauntletqueen]

Okay so! I saw Across The Spider-Verse. I wanna say some lil thoughts. First off, without spoilers:

I thought the first movie had prepared me for how visually captivating and groundbreaking this one would be and I was WRONG. They took it SO much further in this one and it is SPECTACULAR. The way they play much more with the art style depending on the spidey-person and the universe is incredibly fun to see and impressive to think about.

Now for a LOT of thoughts concerning spoilers:

I am SO glad that they used the fact that it's a two-parter to take the time with its story. Plenty of slower moments, room for talking, etc. I knew it was gonna be a To Be Continued, but was worried the movie would be at a break-neck speed to cram in as much story as possible like with the fuckin uuuh avengers movie with Purplo The Mean Man, and I am SO GLAD!!! That they didn't!!!

Next off I was never a fan of Peni's design in the first movie. It felt too much like that "trying to be anime" thing that western cartoons had going for a while, and I can now only imagine that the creators had planned from the start to have her grow into her comic book design between movies, which is VERY GOOD. (I had already assumed that SP//DR's design would be comic accurate in this movie after its destruction but it's nice to see :> )

On that topic, I do thing it's a bit of a shame that Peni, Noir and Ham didn't get to be in this movie, really. I understand why! Use this one to flesh out the new important characters (and they are very good especially Hobie) so it doesn't feel cluttered when you put them all together in the third one. But I was looking forward to seeing them...

Now let's have a little intermission. (it's relevant I promise) Please meet Carapace, my Spider-Sona, who I created after I had gone to see the first movie back in 2018:

I won't bore yall with the details, but basically she got her powers due to outside intervention causing a shift in her universe. Her getting these powers resulted in that universe's Peter Parker, the one who was supposed to be Spidey, to die. Carapace is characterized as sticking very closely to her own morals even if it might harm in the long run, even when people tell her and show her what she is doing is dangerous, and eventually this leads her actions, as well as her very existence to endanger the entire multiverse despite her best efforts.

So. you know. I thought that was interesting. Given. Yknow. The movie

Okay moving on. Spider-Gwen is the only spidey comic series I've actively read, so seeing her story and her artstyle explored more in this movie was a delight! It's also just really nice how she's more of a pivotal character this time around, given a lot more focus. I'm happy about that :> (also can't believe we now know why she has sneakers in fortnite wow)

The Spot! Was spoiled for me. But not like, in much detail? I had, after seeing fanart against my will, pieced together that he was the guy that got a bagel thrown at him in the first movie, and that he had something to do with "Canon". Now as someone who's read homestuck, and has consumed modern media in general, the use of the word Canon worried me. I was worried they'd break the fourth wall and get all annoyingly meta and stuff. BUT they didn't! They did get meta with it, talking about the canon events that make a spidey-person, but never broke the fourth wall. It was handled carefully and it works! Maybe that's why Ham isn't present in this movie... He'd definitely ruin that now that I think about it. As for The Spot, he's not the most compelling villain. He's funny! it's a funny concept for a villain origin. "Just take this one-off gag from the first movie and turn him into the main villain." But by doing that, by making him Funny and Pretty Dumb In Concept, and then turning him into an Actual Real Threat whose motive is that nobody takes him seriously, it WORKS. We the audience are PART OF THE PROBLEM kinda I dunno I thought it was neat.

Miguel is mean to Miles >:| Stoopid poopoo head >:| (but it's cool that he's like a parallel to Kingpin from the first movie)

As for the whole "different versions of the movie in different theaters" thing, that was spoiled for me, thoughI didn't know what was different heading in. Apparently it's like, Lyla doing some funny little bits? Whatever. I can only assume needing to re-animate perfectly good scenes for no reason other than "aah gotcha! Neat right??" is definitely something that contributed to the reported terrible working conditions and crunch during production. It's a fun reminder that even a film that is so strongly about art, about pushing back against conformity and those that want to control you, is still being made by a giant corporation, and according to that corporation, the workers don't matter, only the product's ability to money. I can only hope that the animators get enough time to work normally on Beyond the Spider-Verse, which I'm sure will be also a phenomenal movie despite the higher ups' demands, just like this one.

Also they said ASS and CRAP in it!! Wow!!!!

[taliskermortem]

okay on to episode 9

again under the cut so as not to bore you all

MINSEONG AND HYEONGJOON DATE:

the cuddling. its back. i’m still not over it.

minseong not impressed he’s been abandoned

oh my god. he made a list. i’m in love with him.

hyeongjoon’s driving terrifies me and minseong willingly got back in the car with him behind the wheel that’s some serious bravery

ah my hyeongjoon he’s so shy and awkward

why are they the only ones doing a proper activity

also they did not wear warm enough coats for this… oh never mind they did bring better coats thank god

why is hyeongjoon like this, he’s such a mess and its adorable… at least its an excuse to hold hands i guess

HOT PACKS AS A LANGUAGE OF LOVE I GUESS

(side not again… okay i never used to understand why so many koreans hate cucumber because where im from its really not that strong of a taste but that was before i had a korean cumcumber and now i undersand completely i don’t know whats wrong with them )

COUPLE RINGS I'M DEAD MINSEONG-AH WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE THEY’RE HIDEOUS

i’ve just ealised this is minseong’s first proper date bless him (no that one with junseong did not count that was just friends hanging out)

also how does hyeongjoon make those slits in his eyebrow disappear so thoroughly

ah communication. we love it.

they’re so cute together

JEONGWOOK AND HYEONGJIN DATE:

aah jeongwook i wish you weren’t so hung up on yoonghee

glad he’s enjoying himself though and he seems more relaxed with hyeongjin than i expected

oh my god imagine if hyeongjin didn’t like dogs this would have been a disaster

i too would focus on the dog and not the date can’t really blame you for that one

no no if he’s going to serenade i’m out of here i can’t deal with that i’m sorry even if you have the best voice in the world i cant hack it

WHY A CHRISTMAS SONG WHAT IS GOING ON GET ME OUT OF HERE

okay i’m sure he has a lovely voice but i think i died of embarrassment hyeongjin you truly are stronger man than me

okay it’s nice that jeongwook is opening up and showing more of himself but this is not really feeling like a date at all and if i were hyeongjin i would feel so incredible awkward right now

ah jeongwook don’t cry noooo this poor guy, he seems to really be struggling i hope he’s okay

THE EVENING:

not the dates coming home in order of how successful they were (from least to most in my personal opinion)

minseong following hyeongjoon to his room even though they’ve spent all day together already

JUNSEONG AND SEONGHO FIRST TO LEAVE LAST TO RETURN TAKE FROM THAT WHAT YOU WILL

yoonghee and junseong’s friendship is important to me okay

seonwoo literally could not answer a question directly even if his life depended on it

oh wow he’s really just going to sit there and stare at junseong and seongho in the kitchen what the hell dude

wow this isn’t awkward at all what are you trying to achieve here other than making everyone uncomfortable

let’s be honest the real final couple from this show is hyeongjoon and food

they talked for SEVEN HOURS HAHAHA I’M FINE (also still sitting together at the table it’s the little things okay)

AH I'M WEAK – hyeongjin wanting to talk to junseong and junseong taking seongho with him with that soft arm on his shoulders yes hi ive died had to rewind like five times to catch what they were saying because i was too distracted watching them… oh my god seongho’s ‘im going with you’ look im totally fine

GREY SPORTSWEAR FAMILY

seongho abandoning them to all the dishes he created just to hang out with junseong some more

okay im glad they had the same reaction as me to taking him to his house

THE HEAD ON THE LAP/SHIN SEONGHO PLEASE

“a very personal song” it was a christmas song bro

sensible seongho – go talk to jeongwook not them

poor jeongwook i feel like he’s been totally confused this whole day and to be honest i cant blame him there was a much simpler and susinct way for hyeongjin to get his point across without sounding kind of like an asshole and hurting people’s feelings

hyeongjin, my dude, stop. he get’s it, you misunderstood. let’s just let it rest and say you had a good time but you don’t have feelings

i understand hyeongjin not wanting there to be a misunderstanding but also jeongwook is right why he’s saying it like this is weird and hurtful

right i knew this conversation was going to go down the toilet but i didn’t think it would be this bad

unnecessary drama is all im saying

VOICEMAIL AND PHONE CALL TIME:

ha seonwoo no message from seongho or yoonghee this is what happens when you act the nice guy and have no follow through

seonwoo to seongho – awkward phone call and the first thing he brings up is seongho’s date with junseong this guy is a joke he literally said the other day they should just focus on each other not on junseong but he cannot let it go

two messages for junseong i’m living for this he deserves it

his face when he heard yoonghee that was priceless oh my god he’s so sweet and yeah i just love their friendship

love the silent pause before the second message like junseong and literally everyone else is holding their breath in anticipation

JUNSEONG-AH DID YOU WAIT LONG I'M SOBBING

also i’m pretty sure junseong has his eyes closed like he can’t quite believe it

AND THE PREVIEW:

look i don’t really want to talk about this i’ve been mad about it all day and will be for the next week

but also

from the voice mails we now know:

junseong – seongho

seongho – junseong

yoonghee – junseong

seonwoo – seongho

hyeongjin – seonwoo

minseong – hyeongjin

so the only one we don’t know is jeongwook, which means he definitely doesn’t have any messages and unless he sent a message to hyeongjoon (which is definitely possible) hyeongjoon also won’t have any messages

i kind of wish minseong had told hyeongjoon beforehand that he hadn’t sent him a message just so hyeongjoon isn’t expecting it and it’s not going to ruin his evening after the date they had

ugh it’s still such a mess i’m just going to try and forget about everything that isn’t junseong and seongho being soft

[hikarry]

I think you're literally the only Portuguese I ever saw on Tumblr

So I came for information

I'm going in Erasmus there (I wanted Italy but they didn't have a spot for me rip) and I need to know what's it like there. If it help with anything, I'm going to Coimbra? FLUC?

Parties? Pubs? Are yall nice? Do I have to worry about being harassed by middle aged men in the street?

Oh my fucking God

You are literally coming to my faculty! The chance of us crossing paths when you come is up to 80%! That's insane!

Okay okay, focus

I've lived with people from Erasmus so I think I can help

We have a group here of Portuguese people that "collects" all the people from Erasmus and programs stuff for yall to do like bar nights, clubbing, games etcetera. My old flatmates used to go to all of the events and they loved it

There are parties literally all the time here. We have 3 main clubs. One of them is specifically for Erasmus students (but anyone can go, really) and I've heard it's super fun - I'm not a club person, so eh can't help much there. My friends used to go almost every night tho

Pubs is much more my area

The main pub we used to have closed due to ✨️illegal activities ✨️ but we have a shit tone more

I usually go to the Irish pub uptown. It's hella classy and the prices are good. Got live music most of the time and ya can have lunch/dinner there also if you want

I can literally give you a map of all the Irish pubs in the city. Ive been to all of them and they are all top notch 5 stars

Also, I imagine you are coming next semester? In the first semester we have this festival called Latada. We get a week free of classes and it's literally a 1 week party with concerts. People go a bit mad there. Mainly because it's cool as shit ngl. Get ready to get Portuguese and Brazilian music stuck in your head

People from FLUC are nice. We are the letters and languages faculty so we are used to foreigners all the time. Everyone speaks English there. And we are the freaks of the university! My faculty is the one where all the queers and gays are! Listen, there's literally this cute girl I see all the time that dresses herself Lolita style. Where else would you see that? Only fluc

If you ever need any help, anyone will try and help you

Our streets are pretty safe. Sure, there's the occasional creep, but it's very rare. Just be careful with drunk college dudes. If you do go out, take trusted people with you that can have your back just in case

Alas, I won't ask you to show yourself, but if you need any help while you're around, hit me up. If you want me to know who you are, dm me. If not, send an anon ask again and I'll try to get to you as soon as I see it

Getting a house here can be a nightmare (even for us portuguese) and I might be able to help you with that. Depending on your course I might also be able to hook you up with files with all the summaries of your classes

[betweenlands]

feel free to ignore/delete this ask for any reason, but i need to ask someone because i can't tell if i'm imagining things or not, and i know you've sort of talked about things like this before, but has there been a large jump in... not always active arophobia, but in the amatonormativity in mcyt fandom spaces lately? it feels like things go untagged, there's a larger focus on romance and love, and the active aphobia that there is just goes quietly unmentioned by the majority, and all of these more than before. this isn't me trying to say shipping's bad or anything, i don't have a problem with it, just that this fandom has felt so alienating lately for some reason and i can't figure out whether it's because something's changed in the fandom itself or not

i think this is genuinely a really interesting topic to talk about so i'm giving this a kinda longer response!

(tl;dr -- it's not just you and things have changed, but it's also not what you might think; this is how most non-mcyt fandoms are)

so! to start with, more than ever i think the amatonormativity thing depends on the specific sub-fandom you're in. qsmp's a huge outlier; by virtue of having canon relationships it brings itself more in line with the average fandom in terms of how much people talk about ships (being in a non-mcyt fandom or two helps for perspective on this. i s2g half the tag for murder drones is just ship wars. nonstop ship wars. please stop i want to discuss lore).

with qsmp being such a genuinely interesting outlier (it's something the english mcyt fandom hasn't seen in a while in terms of a series with explicitly canon relationships being mainstream) i think that causes a lot of people to really want to post about these relationships, because like... people feel strongly about being able to express this aspect of their interests in a way they weren't able to before, i think? we've never personally been interested in shipping stuff (with like maybe 5 exceptions ever across all fandoms we've ever been in) but the attitude towards shipping used to be so INCREDIBLY hostile that i think people take their ability to post ship stuff very personally.

i'm not sure about other series, though -- this is where things get weird, because we're not really in mainstream mcyt fandom right now. we don't follow a lot of hermitshippers, but most of them generally tag their stuff? on reblogs it's a bit more sloppy but i also think a lot of people tend to just put "i post [server]shipping content" in their bios as like a blanket reminder and leave it at that

all that said, i don't think it's intentional amatonormativity, or even remotely malicious. i do think we're seeing a lot more ship content than usual/it's a little more difficult to find platonic stuff than it used to be in general mcyt fandom -- this VERY much varies based on series, though. we currently main dominion/adjacent and there's not shit for ship stuff there (to be fair, there's also not a lot of fandom in general, it's Mad Small), whereas with something like trafficseries there's a lot of focus placed on shipping partly because that series is Heavily About character dynamics.

am i tired of seeing ship content as like the main product of fandom? oh, absolutely, but that's nothing new -- that's been the case since before we had this blog, before we were even in mcyt fandom at all. fandoms are just Like This, which can absolutely be exhausting if you're not here for ship content, but this sort of thing is not uncommon for any more mainstream fandoms.

so, yes, it's not just you, there's more amatonormativity in mcyt fandom than there used to be -- because it's starting to act more and more like most fandoms, and therefore is reflecting the amatonormativity most fandoms have, whereas before there was such a hostile attitude towards shipping that this absolutely Could Not be the case.

it sucks in some ways, but at the same time it's very important to note: this is not a new problem. this is an old problem. this is a problem as old as fandom itself, and mcyt fandom is only just getting to a place where people have stopped tearing each other's throats out long enough to act like most other fandoms do.

anyway shoutout to jaidenanimations. aroace icon👍

[wsdanon]

I very much get the thing about being caught up in canon tbh. eternal slowburn felpac for the win I get it

also! you mentioned in that post, and iirc also alluded to it in My Saint, that Felps only became Pac's saint after they landed on the island and became coparents and such - I'm interested in that! what's your interpretation on Felps becoming Pac's saint? like how'd he get the idea to start praying to Felps in the first place?

(also: is this the same cinematic universe as It's Not A Fashion Statement where Felps is already a saint prior to everything else? because then I'm also wondering how that fact is generally perceived by people (including Pac) once they find out! unless that's planned for a later chapter of that fic in which case disregard this question LOL)

hi echo \o/ okay good questions

i think felps keeps the fact he's a saint under wraps until building the festa junina church where he kind of goes like: hey… do you know what would be funny? by this point it's less something he's actively trying to hide (we can maybe blame the memory tampering upon arriving to the island for that) and more something that just… hasn't come up. and feels kind of awkward to bring up because of how long it's gone without being brought up

i think pac started praying to him as a joke at first once he realised felps is actually a saint, and then everything went super downhill in his life so it became a lot more real. and then as felps' image spread to more churches + with pac starting the trend (i think it was him? apologies if not) it caught on to other people and just became more normal for the island (it fucks with felps a little… but that's too angsty for this)

i can't remember if i contradict myself in "my saint" and "it's not a fashion statement" but assumedly yes it's the same universe \o/ let me go under the cut real quick just for length

cellbit i think is delighted when he finds out (because he loves that felps is strange) but then immediately devastated (mostly jokingly*. mostly) that felps never told him before. in which felps would argue he's left hints and it's not his fault cellbit never picked them up. i don't

(*this is going to sound weird if you don't know the scene, but imagine how cellbit was acting when he was being jokingly upset that felps compared his banana to foolish's yeah okay sorry for bringing that to mind for everyone. it holds a special place in my heart because joking about that was the first domino for "it's not a fashion statement" if i recall correctly)

i don't think mike is too phased by the concept, even with felps having "hidden" it from him. he's married to a god so divinity isn't a big deal to him i suppose and he has other things to focus on. i think he would also maybe be the most understanding as to why felps hid it from people for so long. no logic to this right now just vibes

pac definitely acts the weirdest about it overall. but again--i don't think he'd blame felps for hiding it? to him and mike it would probably be the same as them "hiding" their mind link (they don't really think to bring it up sometimes). but also pac likes to be petty sometimes and he loves gossip so he'd probably put on the same act as cellbit--complaining about felps keeping such an interesting piece of gossip for him!

i think all of them are wondering what the fuck he did to become a saint and how the hell that worked (his jokes about coming back from the dead suddenly don't seem too much like jokes anymore!) but especially because as mentioned in "my saint"… felps was a corrupt prison guard lol. (chapter 2 of "it's not a fashion statement" will go into more detail on this \o/)

i think pac is the only one who treats him differently, but it comes and goes depending on the context. cellbit was already weirdly devoted to felps so it didn't change anything. mike has mine and doesn't need anyone else to pray to. that kind of thing \o/

anyway this is a lot of rambling but i hope it's enjoyable. i like to put "i think" before everything because i'm mostly just coming up with it on the spot lol

[deathdxnces]

👫 - For Haru

» — SEND 👫AND I'LL WRITE FOUR HEADCANONS ABOUT OUR MUSE'S RELATIONSHIP

— @witchcraftandburialdirt

we've already established the hunting down and killing noxians as a bonding activity, but i like the idea they might have met before, even if just in passing. i'm not sure if haru actually got to fight during the invasion, considering he tried to flee the conflict, but if he did, they might have fought together then. irelia suggests she saw firsthand what the noxians did to bahrl, and it makes sense considering it's after the placidium and she's leading the resistance. so there's always the chance they'd have interacted then and that he met irelia when she was a 14 year old baby responsible for far more than she should be, even if it was a brief meeting.

irelia doesn't really know much anything about the darkin, but given kayn's struggle, she's Not a Fan. which is to say, she's at best wary of tarhos and by extension of haru preaching the darkin's godhood around. but at the same time, irelia really doesn't know anything about the darkin, so she doesn't really know if they're all alike (but! the fact they were all imprisoned in weapons! doesn't make it look good for them!). at any rate, haru and tarhos are also slaughtering noxians, so she can live with that. if they eventually turn to harm ionia, then she'll fight; but if the spirit isn't trying to kick them out that's good enough for her, at least for the time being. but i think in part it's also that irelia knows there aren't that many people both strong enough and willing to fight the noxians, and as always, she's very certain it's a matter of time until swain launches a new attack. and hey, when that happens, she'd rather have them fighting by her side than waiting for the kinkou to move their asses to do something c:

we. haven't really discussed much about them but because of that one ask you sent the other day (which i still love so much thank you egg), i feel even if there isn't outright friendship, there's some distant sense of kinship, or at least respect - enough so he was there imparting the wisdom to not be merciful at all to any noxians ever, but that wasn't done in a way that was aggressive or antagonistic toward her. and on my side when writing the answer it just. felt like that respect existed because she was so willing to listen to what he was saying in the first place. i don't see them as close friends, but i think that mutual respect would exist. they could become friends proper and talk about how similar or different things are in bahrl and navori and maybe one day get to the level 9841234123894129384 of friendship when tragic backstories are unlocked and bond over losing their families bc of the war (or they can end up following the antagonistic path, depending on what happens. i can see it going either way, but i think that, for now, there's at least a degree of respect between them)

that might be in part projecting because i think haru is so beautiful but i feel irelia would be a little awed by how beautiful he is. not immediately when they met, if it really was during the war, because then the focus would be on the war, but whenever they interacted in better circumstances and she actually got to look at him and see how gorgeous he is. the girl probably had to take a moment because he was just so pretty — and i don't even mean it in like, irelia being actually attracted to him, because she's very demi and it wouldn't be that at all, but rather just in a i saw a man so beautiful i started crying sort of way USDFHAHSDFH i imagine haru would have noticed even if irelia wouldn't have said anything, because she's not good at hiding anything honestly. she got over the very awed reaction eventually, but she still thinks he's really beautiful

[linkcalm]

What are your tips for people in need of a refreshing skill set for drawing digital or electronic or on paper/sketch book?

I have to say first, this is completely said from my experience with music, study, art, etc, will focus on art. I have been taking some courses but, it's nothing big, I'm still a begginer on art.

Do warm-ups, Go with your basics first, find what you want to focus on, try something new, and then search for tools to learn the skill,

Warming up can help you loose the line and overall health on your wrist. This doesn't take long, it's a short step

Go with your basics first helps you remember how is your drawing structure, what are the usual things you do and what are things you stopped doing, from forms to references, what are the things you would usually search? How can you get them better ? What you lack of? Are great questions.

Focus on what are the new skills you wanna achieve. With this step you could also ask what is your motivation, is there any artist that inspire you? How is their work?, Ask yourself about your own drawings questions that will help you find an structure of your usual focus:

Do you draw characters?

Do you draw landscapes or backgrounds?

Have you ever tried drawing plants, machines, instruments, objects, fluffy stuff?

What is the skill that you need and that your project needs to become what you imagined? Is it color ? Is it a new rendering technic? Is it knowing more about anatomy ? Backgrounds? Or is it over all changing the structure of how you plan your picture ? Analyse what you should focus on and with that we can go to the last step!

Search for information/tools to help you get that/those refreshing skills!!

There's tons of free info out there thanks to the internet, but depending of what skill you want it can be hard to obtain basics of that exact thing, books can be a great deal if you have the resources for it.

Whenever is YouTube, courses, tips from other artist or books always remember to keep it easy first, little by little start absorbing it, and get a Rythm that works for you.

After that you can start thinking about materials that you have to draw, do you need an upgrade? A new sketchbook? Some pencils? What difference would it make?

As a psychologist student I would say, learning how you learn will make a huge difference, thinking about yourself as an active learner can make you change the switch for the better ! Go give your brain knowledge!!

Last thing, every person is different and what works for me might not work for everybody, keep in mind this isn't a recipe, they're flexible steps you can change depending on your needs!