#and with everything that has changed in him I think louis NEEDS a mentor and a lover and a caretaker more than ever

[sangcreole]

no but I do think Louis actually experienced severe separation anxiety with Lestat for a period of time post-Merrick to the point that it probably harmed their relationship :/

[01always14fanfic]

Please share some of your marvey headcanons! (not limited to d/s hcs)

Oh my goodness. So many thoughts. Get ready lol

I think Mike and Harvey are probably my favorite pairing in any fandom. I love them as people, I love them together. Their flow just makes sense.

Canon, them sending Mike to Seattle.. That's fine, it sucked, super sucked, but it's fine. Mike was the same person when he came back, but a little more skilled. Season 8 and 9 I kinda feel like ruined Harvey's (And Donna's, but lets focus on marvey) character. I know that's not the popular opinion, but damn, I was disappointed.

I 1000% believe Harvey needs a helping hand in processing and accepting that he's allowed to have emotions. He couldn't handle it when Mike or Donna 'left', this happens when they were just working in another part of the building. (Also when they left the firm, but why when they were only a few offices away?) Yes, they would see each other less, but it wasn't like never again. Harvey still couldn't handle it well. He handled even worse when he tried to suppress and deny that.

But Harvey is a realistic person. He doesn't buy into fairytales. He saw his dad's fall apart young, then sees cheating and divorce all the time. He dates and goes out trying to find this love, but he keeps getting hurt

Harvey needs to be someone who is patient, because Harvey loves HARD. When Harvey falls, he falls with everything. He will do anything and everything for those people.

He did this the most for Mike.

He fought the hardest for Mike.

He risked everything he had for Mike.

Mike needed to wake the fuck up.

Mike needs something to force him to prioritize. If had a person to focus on, he did better. He stepped his game hard each time he had a person to help. Trevor all the time (toxic). People at the firm (Harold. Louis. Rachel.) His grandmother, the reason why he even took the job. He wants to take care of someone.

Mike does his best work when he has someone to take care of. Keep his hyperactive brain from doing ridiculousness. Trevor was like his wake-up call to do this right or don't do it all.

When he moved to Seattle, he moved to help the smaller people. He came back in season 9 more mentally trained. He came back to pick a fight with his mentor, the person who gave him all the tools to be the best at outsmarting people. He wanted to show Harvey he could handle whatever Harvey could throw at him. And he did win (until Samantha came in and cheated).

I feel like Harvey was just waiting on Mike to get his shit together.

Now, I wrote dom Mike and sub Harvey before I even saw the finale season. I hadn't seen Mike's change yet, but you could see it coming. Here's my thoughts..

Mike took control more often in cases with Harvey, he voiced his opinion more ease instead of that cockiness. You see Harvey giving more conversation and less asserting his dominance. You see Harvey getting more vulnerable and Mike getting more control over his emotions. This starts happening mostly after Harvey and Mike get back together with the "back where you belong" moment.

Harvey enjoys feeling a rush. Intense excitement and feeling like he won. He's said so bluntly and showed it with his high-risk moves all the time. That feeling of almost getting in trouble, but not quite. He likes that 'did you see what I did? What are you going to do about?' feeling.

Brat. Super smart lawyer brat.

Mike thinks 90% of Harvey’s comments are fun and amusing. Which is what Harvey wants his person to think, he wants to play around. However, not everyone can keep up with the references, the jokes, the banter, and know when it's an insult disguised to be funny. Plus, when the lawyer game kicks in.

Harvey can keep Mike busy and focused.

Mike can keep Harvey from going too far.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Can’t wait for people to flip when they meet “Privileged French White micro-aggression compilation”’s mentor, Mr. macro-aggression colonizer superiority complex Marius “I married a thirteen-year old former sex slave and adopted him as my son” de Romanus. Marius is his own trigger warning. Wait until they hear about Marius’ disciplinary methods involving whips and willow switches. Or the fact that Marius sent his son-wife to a brothel to learn “important skills”. Or that when he told Lestat about Those Who Must Be Kept, Marius literally framed Akasha’s genocidal tendencies as “taming savages”. Oh boy, it’s not gonna be good.

Like… Who do you think Lestat learned his skewed world view from? Moving to America was probably a bucket of cold water to Lestat. I would like to give Lestat the benefit of the doubt, as his father was an asshole aristocrat. Lestat quickly learned how privileged he was, even as a disgraced marquis’ son. His genuine horror at how the racist fat cats treated Louis said everything to me. I don’t think anyone understands that Lestat is interested in doing better. He is. He’s working through it. He will fuck up, because nobody ever gave him a look outside his little world.

The thing is, vampires do end up in ruin when they stay behind as the world around them goes forward. Just like humans, when we get stuck in outdated ideals. It’s heavily implied at the end of the Blood Communion novel that Marius is slowly going mad. All vampires do, at some point, go through a period of madness. Some just come out of it better than others. In the IWTV novel, Louis eats grass and mopes around his brother’s rectory for a while after Armand hesitantly leaves him. Armand kills his own coven. Khayman loses his memories for a while and wanders the world, snacking on mortals’ bone marrow. Daniel becomes mute and obsessive, luckily finding an outlet in model trains. Poor Lestat lost an eye and had to be restrained, before he slept for a long while. Thorne got tied down for a while. Benji and Sybelle. Unm. Well, Benji ended up with a podcast and Sybelle delved into the piano. And Louis, of course, tried to kill himself once— but it changed his relationship with Lestat for the better.

Okay, so I went on a meta tangent, but the point is, Marius is an even bigger fuck-up than Lestat, and covering him is going to get pretty ugly. And even more existential. I hope viewers stop and philosophize, you know? Everyone stops to question the nature of mankind and how we fall if we don’t move with time.

And as far as Marius goes, hope Justin Kirk is prepared. 😅

P.S. I swear I’m not high, just tired. 🥱

:))

(For those who think the "eating grass" is an euphemism here: "I was picking at the grass, and tasting it, though the taste was bitter and unnatural. The gesture seemed natural.":))

Marius... is going to be something. Which is part of the reason why I keep saying that Justin Kirk will be perfect if he is, because it needs a very seasoned actor with a lot of thick skin to pull him off (and, I mean, Justin does not shy away from difficult characters as we know *nods at Succession*).

It will be interesting to see what kind of wounds they will put their proverbial fingers in.

Like, the casual racism and superiority complex Marius employs has to clash with Armand's recast, too. Not necessarily with the choice (of Amadeo) per se, but with the circumstances. I am betting real money that there will be some very uncomfortable meta commentary on sex slave trade in combination with racism coming up right there (and I for one want them to make that commentary! Even though it will probably lead to more fandom drama.).

These vampires are children of their times, and they do change/adapt/grow, but... slowly. (I am not so sure about Lestat getting his world view from Marius, I think there is a reason why Lestat never became the pupil Marius wanted him to be, and I do think that Lestat might be willfully ignorant at times, which can come off a certain way, but his own backstory is more to blame here than Marius, imho.)

I do not need Marius to be a good character to enjoy the fuck out of him, on the contrary.

I am not sure if the show will go the "whip" way. They might insinuate. I think they will, as with other scenes let the mind of the audience do the rest, which will be more than enough, too. I mean, the audience can read up on it all in the book *coughs*. There's no need to go more explicit than needed.

But yes. I hope Justin Kirk is prepared :)))

And... I hope the audience is prepared as well.

[thelioncourts]

Okay, please share what it was like watching Sam and Jacob being cast back when the announcement was made! Curious to see what fans of the book thought when they saw them. And Bailey!

!! so I followed anne religiously on social media (naturally) and remember vividly when she sold the rights in 2016. i had called my friend v and was like 'WE'RE GETTING TVC' and she and i freaked out. but then it just. didn't happen. and there would be news, and then nothing, and then news sometimes, then nothing. i remember the last kind of "big" thing i saw was an article in 2019 (which i posted on my instagram story so it's in my archive lol) that ultimately, at the time, led to nowhere.

(i feel like the article was about the show moving from the original network that had it OR was about the showrunner changing, because there's a whole story there too)

anyway, i very much became a 'i'll believe it when i see it' kind of person and didn't check too much into anything.

then all of a sudden: august 2021.

i'm sitting in my shitty apartment, getting ready for my first year of teaching and nauseous at the thought, and i'm doom-scrolling and amc has put out casting announcements. and i absolutely lost my mind.

you see, there have been fancasts and everything since the books came out, and i have seen some pretty insane casting suggestions for tvc. i remember cody fern was a big fancast for lestat around this specific time period. i, personally, had very much made up my mind that i didn't want to know the actors that got cast as lestat and louis, specifically, because i would have preconceived notions of who they were and would get in my head.

i saw jacob's casting announcement first and had a very mixed set of emotions. i sort of vaguely knew jacob from got; i never really watched got, but my parents did and i would see about everything in passing. he was my mom's fave character <3 but! i had not real opinion of him other than he was beautiful and for that i very much approved. i will say, however, that when the casting announcement was first made i didn't know/they hadn't said (??) about the time change and i spent a lot of time really confused how he was going to play a 1700s wealthy plantation owner :)) and then when i learned of the time change his casting made sense, but it added this whole different level of anxiety because like ?????? what did that meannnnnn for me. but i knew he was talented and i knew he was beautiful and i was like 'this is fine. i trust this' and like ?????????? oh my god did strike gold with jacob anderson. beautiful, stunning, talented, otherworldly boy.

i saw sam's casting announcement second and i need to preface it with this: since 2016 i had lived in this state of almost fear at the idea of casting lestat. lestat walks so many lines, lines of villain and hero and lover and antagonist and beauty and monster and prince and pauper and vampire and human and mentor and student and father and son and husband and etc. etc. etc. like lestat is fully, 100000% the hardest casting because he really is the vampire chronicles. i did not know sam reid when i saw him. the picture they posted for the announcements was with very short hair, a fair amount of stubble, and i remember looking at him and thinking that i couldn't really see it but also i've seen amazing transformations and so i was like 'we'll see.' i purposefully did not look up ANYTHING about him, did not watch anything he was in, to avoid getting in my head. it wasn't until SDCC that i really took the time to look at him and, in hopefully the least weird way possible, i have never been more attracted to another person in my entire life. and so much of it was centered on personality. like hollywood is full of beautiful people so it wasn't just that sam is incredibly attractive and stunning, but the way he spoke of the books, of lestat, of loustat, his utter understanding of what this was, how important it is, him having a multitude of copies of the books, some since his adolescence, just -- everything. and then, of course, i watched iwtv and i can't believe i ever questioned if someone could play lestat the way he need to be played because sam is the definition of perfection. he is everything, he is superb. he is unmatched in his talent and we're so fucking lucky to have him.

bailey made me nervous too, namely the age change! anyone that's read iwtv knows that the true horror of claudia is the idea of this FIVE. YEAR. OLD. CHILD. running around in that child body for eternity. being a woman in that body. and so making her 14 was like :)) like i got it from a filming perspective; if you cast an actual 5/6 year old and it takes three/four years to film the first two seasons (as it is) then suddenly she's 8-10 years old and the growth of a child from 5 to 8 or any of the other options is just crazy !!!! but also i was like oh nooooooooooooo a time period change and a significant claudia age change whyyyyy and then i watched it and it was perfect. and bailey was this perfect love child of sam and jacob's likeness and she embodied so many of lestat and louis' traits in a way that made her so much their child it was scary.

and basically it was my nervousness at the time period change and casting lestat and the aging up of claudia all being proven to be utterly beautiful things, perfect and a gift, truly, to this story that made me decide, then and there, that i would not question these writers until i felt like there was something right on my screen that made me. i would trust all of their changes, all of their choices, because they have yet to ever let me down.

and the casting -- i know so many of us have talked about it, but we are so incredibly lucky on all fronts. beautifully talented and wonderfully kind people are playing our vampires. what more could we ever ask for????

[monstersinthecosmos]

Do you have a theory why Armand's casting is so under wraps even though they have filmed footage? Apparently he's not book accurate and revealing the casting would be a huge spoiler. Do you have any theories how his character has been changed (at least physically)?

all right like tbh I never got to the bottom of where that rumor came from and I'm not sure if it's true, so ONE OPTION is that it's nonsense, it's bullshit, they didn't cast him at all yet bc he's not gonna be around until Season 2. And like, unless there's some MASSIVE thing that we didnt hear about, this production was leakier than the fuckin Titanic so I just don't know if they could've kept it under wraps this long. Like so far the most plausible conspiracy was the Alex Garfin sightings and he has THE LOOK but like, I'm not sure why they'd keep it a secret, especially because it doesn't feel like they're treasuring Armand as a character to prioritize in this universe.

But if the thing IS a spoiler, I think like, the only ways simply learning who he is could be a spoiler is if it's like someone they've cast as a red herring playing a different character (Rashid) or like, it's SO dramatically different that they want the reveal to be more exciting, like if he's been changed to a woman. Again like, at this point I don't think they're shy about not being book accurate so I don't know why it would be a secret if it's dramatically different. They've prided themselves on being dramatically different so far.

Either way I don't see him being book accurate; it's not an aesthetic issue as much as it's a storytelling issue. And even if he has the same backstory and personality and everything like, the entire timeline is so fucked up along with the other characters that he'd be serving a different narrative function. Like I'm curious to see what else will happen between Louis & Lestat but Lestat in this is sharing vampire information, has told Louis about his mortal life, and Louis has vampire powers! So even if he still heads to Europe on a quest for spiritual knowledge, it's not going to look the same in terms of Armand being a mentor figure. (Like I'm sure they could come up with another way for Armand to be a mentor or even just a breath of fresh air after Lestat's fucking nonsense so idk.) There's also just not enough time for Armand to have his relationships with Louis and Daniel in a truncated timeline, or least, it won't carry the same weight if you take a 70 year relationship and squash it into 20 or whatever.

Like, they're vampires, don't fuck me around with a 20 year relationship LOL humans can do that. Get serious!

As for theories, honestly I couldn't fuckin tell ya dude like this entire show is doing whatever the fuck it wants. 😂 I wouldn't be surprised if they aged him up since all the other characters have been aged up. 😂😂

(I almost started a side essay about why I think Armand's age is fucking important to who he is as a person and creates a really beautiful texture with regards to the theme of his lost innocence and barbaric personality but that's not what you asked, I will 🤐)

But even making predictions about the ways the show is navigating themes about age and things like that, I don't completely have a grasp on it yet so I can't be sure. If he doesn't show up this season I might have different feelings, having seen the whole season. Like, depending what the show is trying to tell us about teens & sexuality, maybe they WOULDN'T age him up, maybe they'll go there. I need to see more about how they handle Claudia. And depending on how they want to handle the main ship, who knows if they'll introduce Armand as a Loustat wedge, and it might really change how they present him if he is/isn't going to be a love interest.

I think like when more patterns start emerging about the style of storytelling and what they're trying to tell us we'll be able to guess stuff like this, but as of now I'm just in the fuckin dark haha.

[sweetsubharry]

hey ! sorry to bother you but could you reccomend me some fics of footballer louis?? thank you !! love your acc

Hiya!!  💖you can never bother me!! ^-^ ohmgosh I’m so glad you like my blog! I love footballer louis djskasdhjag tysm(sorry it took soooo long!)

please make sure you read the tags and stay safe everyone!💖

Also these are not in any particular order, however I will say the first two are probably my favourites ;) I have to read them again right after this!

freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this by rosesau

Harry (not so) secretly crushes on the cute footie player and fills pages with sketches of him.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by 1Diamondinthesun

Harry spends most of his time in an empty house or a lonely darkroom, dreaming of leaving his small town for art school. He's invisible to most people. And then Louis Tomlinson sees him. Life will never be the same.

Or, the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.

Definition of Beauty by zanni_scaramouche

“Your book is upside down.” Harry nods at Louis’ book, his history text now that he sees it too.

“I’d rather study you.”

They both blink, startled by the slip.

“With you. Study with you,” Louis rushes to say. “Liam says I’m shite at history, can you help?”

Louis’ caught off guard by an omega he nearly takes out with an errant footie ball. It’s not that Louis’ never seen Harry before, it’s that he can’t stop looking, and he’s desperate to figure him out.

Coffee Cups and Football Boots by kimtaedumb

Harry’s stood behind the counter again, but this time he’s painting his nails. Louis strolls up to the counter and, thanks to his no brain-to-mouth filter, blurts out, “Isn’t that a little girlish, Haz?” leaning closer to inspect.

Harry lets out a little huff as his hand slips, “Oh, damn, now I’ve messed it up,” he pouts and turns to Louis, “Why should making myself feel pretty be girly?”

Louis holds up his hands in surrender, “’M not judging, jus’ curious is all.”

(The entirely cheesy and cliché Christmas AU, in which Harry doesn’t give a damn what people think about him – mostly – and Louis may be a little bit in love.

Alternatively, the one in which Harry owns a café that’s barely scraping by and Louis is a footballer and he takes Harry away for Christmas.

Featuring Zayn as a cocky little shit that most definitely needs to be put back in his place, Niall as the loveable Irish dude who drinks too much and flirts with Zayn more than the average girl, and Liam who loves everyone but hates them all at the same time.)

Way in the World by flowsque

When Louis Tomlinson enters the waiting room, Harry can distinctly feel his heart sinking to his stomach. The man's hair is ruffled and dishevelled and his red jersey, damp with sweat from training, clings to his perfect and chiseled body. He stands there, almost unreal, against the glass door, peering inside the office. Harry knew this would’ve happened, sooner or later. That he would have bumped into him. They play for the same club after all, even if they’re in different leagues. It’s not weird. It is not. Except it totally is. - Or, the one where Harry has a knee injury and an embarrassing crush on Manchester United's pretty number ten.

I Long For You by AnotherAnonymousWriter

Thirty minutes later, he's sat on a bench in Hyde Park with a book in his lap and a travel mug with hot tea in his hand. Not far from where he's sat, a group of boys are playing football and a bunch of children are chasing each other. Life is good.

Or at least, life is good until he hears a familiar “LOOK OUT!” and sees a football flying in the direction of his face.

And then everything is black.

(Harry gets hit in the head by various objects and falls for a boy with blue eyes.)

ease the quiet and talk me down by cabinbythesea

Harry's a model and Louis' a footie player.

(Louis teaches Harry some football and Harry is insanely good at giving a lapdance).

Baby, It's You by Bearandleonardwrite

"Oh, yeah. Um..” Harry lets his hands fall to his sides. His brows furrow, face full of concern, and he asks, “You’re not, like, stalking me, are you?”

Louis can’t help the loud cackle that escapes his lips and immediately slaps one of his hands over his mouth to muffle the sound. “Oh my god, Harry, no!” Louis tells him, a little breathlessly, giggles still bubbling out of his chest. “Lottie’s one of the makeup artists here today and she somehow got me to agree to come. I had no idea you modeled for, uh.. this brand until I saw you walk.”

“Oh,” Harry says dumbly, eyebrows still pinched. He lets what Louis just said sink in before a bright grin takes over his face and he goes back to doing up the buttons on his shirt. “Well, that’s alright, then. I’m glad you could make it.

(Basically, Louis' a footie player for Man U and Harry's a YSL model. They meet at a masquerade.)

Touch by kotabear24

Harry's shy and virginal with a past, new on the football team; Louis' the (experienced) popular star of the team and Harry's new mentor.

Come In and Change My Life by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes)

He’d had the same neighbours since he’d moved into the building, a lovely, wealthy couple in their late sixties who had always invited him around for tea on Sundays. Martha had dropped off homemade biscuits the day he’d moved in, so Harry figured he may as well repeat the sentiment. He could hear someone getting closer to the door just as a flush ran through his body; oh fuck. His heat was close, too close to be knocking on a potentially unknown alpha’s door, but it was too late. The door swung open, and Harry’s mouth dropped. He’d never been overly interested in football, couldn’t find the fascination in watching men run around after a ball for hours aside from their uniforms, but he knew who this was. Louis Tomlinson, alpha, captain of Manchester United, star in a number of Harry’s heat addled fantasies, was his new next-door neighbour.

Or, Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

see the truth (it's me for you) by orphan_account

If you asked Louis the first day of his French Literature class what he’d be doing on the last, he’d probably never have guessed it would involve helping a poorly Harry Styles study for the final exam. Good thing he’s not a betting man.

(Or the one where Louis and Harry spend an entire semester ignoring each other after a one-night stand, only to come face to face when Harry manages to catch the stomach flu during finals week. Sometimes fate is funny like that.)

Use Your Words by zedi

based off this prompt: collage au where jock!harry always serenades flowercrown!louis with love songs in their music class. what nobody knows is that harry actually kinda means the words he sings.

But instead it's Louis as the jock and Harry as the flowerchild because I do what I want.

Stop The World (I Wanna Get Off With You) by ilikepianos

"You like this, don't you?", he asks breathlessly.

What? Sucking cock? Being dominated? Yes, all of that. A big fat yes.

Harry nods, lips still wrapped around Louis' throbbing dick.

Louis' lips curl into a smirk. "Keep going then. You're doing amazing, love."

OR: The uni-football AU where Harry may or may not have a minor crush on the captain of the team and suddenly discovers that the feeling is very much mutual.

Picture Perfect by LittleBubbleStyles

an AU where Louis Tomlinson is a misunderstood football player, and Harry Styles is a misunderstood photographer. Somehow, they're understood together.

I just think about my baby; I'm so full of love I could barely eat by mercutionotromeo

Harry and Louis are six hundred miles apart, but they have the same solutions to the same problem.

Or: a masturbation drabble featuring pillow humping, locker rooms, and copious amounts of dirty talk.

into another (another) serotonin overflow by mercutionotromeo

Harry wants this year to be different - wants it to be the year that he finally gets over this stupid crush. He’s going to uni, he needs to decide what he wants to do with his life.

Instead, he’s deciding what he wants to do to Louis Tomlinson.

Or: Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey.

note: it says it in the tag but this is the edited version written in 2019, rather than the 2017 original- so there’s two put I put the link for the newest one :)

need a little sweetness in my life by mercutionotromeo

Harry's always liked feeling desperate and small when Louis touches him, but when he sucks Harry off...it’s fucking otherworldly. Desperate’s not really the word at that point - it’s helpless. Like… like the fucking world could stop spinning and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until Louis finished him off with his lips and his tongue.

Or, Harry and Louis go to university together. Harry really likes it when Louis sucks him off, and Louis really likes it when Harry calls him Daddy.

(Sequel to "into another serotonin overflow")

I made a map of your stars by brightbluelou

Harry does not have a crush on Louis Tomlinson. Yes, Louis is very pretty and funny, and Harry may have had more than a few inappropriate thoughts about him, but he certainly doesn’t like him. (Except for the fact that he totally does.) or, Harry is the shy boy in the back of the class that no one really notices. Louis is the loud, outgoing football player that everybody likes.

We Made These Memories for Ourselves by supernope

Breath held, Harry squints his eyes open and focuses on the first stick. A blue line. Harry breathes out an unsteady breath. He’s pretty sure he read that one blue line is a negative, but he fishes the box from the bottom of the pile just to make sure.

“Negative,” he confirms, voice echoing around the small room. “Next.”

Now that he’s feeling a little less shaky, he scans the rest of the tests at once, is met with a headache-inducing mixture of pink plus signs and blue double lines. His heart rate picks up until it’s pounding triple-time in the base of his throat and the pit of his stomach, thundering in his ears and throbbing in his temples. He flips over the rest of the boxes slowly, but he knows what they’re going to say before he even looks.

[or, Louis is a footballer, Harry owns a bakery, and they're having a baby.]

Kiss Me on the Mouth and Set Me Free by ls2k14   

Louis has his head thrown back in a laugh, his wet fringe hanging in front of his eyes, and a beautiful flush to his cheeks. From this angle, the sun hits his face just right to where the beams of light are shining in between the spaces of each individual clump of watered down eyelashes. His chest is showing through the soaked material of his white jersey and it seems that his biceps are attempting to break free from the sleeves that are clinging to his skin.

And Harry can do nothing except take it all in. He doesn’t even think he’s breathing at this point. He is literally stuck in place, admiring the true beauty of Louis Tomlinson, while being surrounded by fit footballers and generally attractive people. He doesn’t think he’s ever been in love before, but if Louis let him, he’s pretty damn sure he could change that in the matter of a few nanoseconds.

[strutitout]

LARRY FIC REC - recently read

1. I don't want a taste (I want it all) [3K] by  thedaggerrose (blessedfetish)

What Louis really needed was a fat fucking nap.

What Louis got instead was some hipster-looking wannabe arguing with him over the validity of avocado toast.

Or the AU where Harry tells Louis to go fuck himself, Louis tells Harry to fuck him himself, and Harry follows through.

✨ Cute and hot + they bantering over avocado tost.

2. Right Side of the Wrong Bed [10K] by  eyesofshinigami 

There, standing in a pair of ridiculously tiny briefs and wielding a frying pan in one hand, is quite possibly the prettiest boy he's ever seen. Louis scrubs a hand across his face. "I'm in the wrong goddamn flat, aren't I?"

Or, the one where Louis wakes up on the wrong couch only to meet his future husband (even if Harry doesn't know it yet).

✨ This was not the first and won’t be the last time I read this fic. It’s super fun, hot, and even though it’s “just” 10K, their connection is really well-built.

3. When Least Expected [22K] by  Rearviewdreamer

Drowning in a sea of emails and Zoom meetings in the living room, his lonely son falling more and more behind in his kitchen classroom, and crushing weight of the world being on house arrest for the foreseeable future, one fateful online interaction suddenly has everything looking up.

✨Louis’ kid is having a hard time trying to adjust to the new reality brought by COVID, until he starts having music classes with music teacher Harry, and things start looking up for both father and son. Very sweet fic and really interesting to see them falling on love over this hard times.

4. Naked Attraction #2 [29K] by reader_chic_2

“By the way, I checked you out quite a lot before your tube was raised.”

Harry smiled lustrously, “Yeah? More than Leonard? He might have been crazy, but he was sort of cute.”

Louis raised an eyebrow. “Maybe to you, Styles, but I don’t enjoy dominating in the bedroom.”

“Is that so?” Harry licked his lips. “Funnily enough, I do.”

Louis felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. “I’m not sure if someone as adorable as you could dish out commands.”

Harry laughed brightly, and in a second flat his hand reached out and gripped his hip so hard it made Louis gasp. His eyes darkened, boring into Louis’ with a burning intensity. “And I’m not sure someone as mouthy as you could take my commands. Want to test it out?”

. . .

Louis Tomlinson is the first openly gay football player in the Premier football League. He was outed by the paps, but he’s had to embrace it since then. To show he doesn’t have shame in it, he goes onto Naked Attraction, and all the money will go to LGBTQ+ support, but he has made some changes to the show. Incidentally, he meets a certain Harry Styles there, and that is when things get interesting...

✨ This was really really fun, loved their dynamic and found it a very original story. Fluff, fun and smut. 

✨ Additional tags: Spanking. Subspace.  

5. Hold Me Closer [36K] by  balanceds

Louis Tomlinson is one of the most promising dancers of the English National Ballet, on track to become the youngest principal dancer in the company's history. That is, until forces conspire to significantly complicate his life, including: a surprise ballet, an unfairly attractive guest choreographer, and being pushed into a rivalry with his best mate. Featuring lots of wine, dancing, pining, and a happy ending.

✨ I’m not an expert but from the comments it seems the writter nailed the “dancing world” characterization (even though you don’t have to know anything about it to enjoy it). There’s some good banter and friendship; hot smut; lots of pining and not that much angst.

6. Whisper The Wind [36K] by  jacaranda_bloom

Louis’ father has political ambitions and decides it’s time for Louis to step up as the company’s Chief Financial Officer. Louis thinks this is a monumentally stupid idea. After storming off in a rage he has a chance meeting with a tall, dark, curly haired stranger. A technical glitch with their shared elevator finds Louis spending twenty minutes with the most intriguing man he’s ever met. Unfortunately the man is leaving London the very next day and moving to Australia to work at his mates surf school. Timing, as they say, can fuck right off.

Fast forward three years and Louis is miserable, a shadow of the man he once was, working in his father’s company, and hating every moment. At his thirtieth birthday party, surrounded by people he doesn’t know or doesn’t like, he decides to throw it all in and follow the impossible dream. Happiness, a fulfilling life, and someone to love. The question is, will that dream be found ten thousand miles away on a sandy beach, with a curly headed surfer dude?

---

Or the one where Louis rides an elevator that may change his life forever, Harry loves the ocean but is a terrible surfer, Liam proves not all heroes wear capes, and Niall might actually have all the answers.

✨ No angst, this is 36K of pure fluff and hot smut (read tags). They fall in love almost immediately, so they are already together most of the story.

7. King of wishful thinking [38K] by  Star_Henderson

“Don't umm don't get on the bus, come inside.” Louis blurted the words out, speaking quickly.

Harry looked startled.

“Just. Look I don't know if I want..” Louis scrubbed his face with his hand. “I'll pay for your time. Just come in.”

Harry stepped away from the bus stop and the bus sailed straight past.

“What's umm what do you guys make these days?”

Harry shuffled his feet. “Depends. Like two hundred an hour.”

Louis hummed. “Reasonable.” He gestured towards the hotel. “Come up for a drink or some room service or something.”

Harry scraped the toe of his already scuffed boots on the floor. “You don't have to do this, I feel like… like you're a nice person who feels bad but it's fine. I get it. You don't have to make it up to me.”

Louis stared at Harry. It'd been so long since he'd even spoken to a guy let alone hung out with one. He'd enjoyed the banter and the flirting.

“Come up.” Louis’ voice was soft.

Harry’s face bloomed into a smile. “Ok.”

✨This is another one that I’ve read more than once and still love. Sex worker Harry. Really sweet, very well-written and their love is really well constructed. 

8. hush. [41K] by  Wankerville

“I don't like you like that, Harry.”

“See,” Harry starts, Louis can hear the smile in his voice, “that's where I think you're lying.”

---

or an au where small towns suck, louis is losing it, and harry’s just too perfect.

✨ Read the tags! My notes on this one were: SO SO BEAUTIFULLLLL. Loved it, angst (but not a heartbreaking one), SO MUCH FLUFF, great dialogues, great banter and smut. Loved it!!! (lol)

9.  Don't Look Down [91K] by  zarah5

AU. In which Louis is a solicitor at one of London’s most prestigious law firms and Harry happens to apply for the position as his trainee. And everyone else is around, too.

✨I love everything they write and this one wasn’t different. Amazing characterization, great dialogues, great banter! Absolutely loved it! Not much smut. A bit angsty, wanted to punch Louis at times, but all ended well. 

10. Let Me Be Your Star [252K] by  lovelarry10

Harry Styles has always been a singer, but he’s never had much confidence in himself. When his idol is brought on as the new judge on The X-Factor, he figures, what the hell? He’d get to sing and meet his idol. What could go wrong?

~

Louis Tomlinson has always wanted to mentor young musicians. When he’s asked to be a judge on The X-Factor, it’s a dream come true, everything he ever wanted. What he didn’t expect was to meet a curly-headed stranger that would turn his life upside down

✨Hot smut, a lot of fluff and not that much angst. Harry seems a bit immature (which makes sense for his age) but their relatioship is really sweet. (I also enjoy that the writer included pictures of how they imagined H and L on each presentation)

[fallingsunflower]

That’s how you DONT build a rockstar image! In order to have longterm success, you need longterm fans, not just some girlies coming to your shows for clout and recording anything but the singer and his performance... //

random but as a louis fan, i genuinely think he’s doing such a good job with the boyband to solo transition. like he continuously thanks his long term fans and knows that a majority are connected to one direction (which i also don’t like harry for, i get the feeling that he thinks he’s so much better than it now and not in a good way. let me add, maybe not harry himself but like the harry brand that’s going on rn). louis is alwaysss keeping us in the loop, letting us know what’s going on. it makes everything feel so much more personal. i also feel like he has a really good team around him. he had some recent changes with label/management that you can genuinely tell are his doing and will allow him to be the artist he wants to be. he uses the 1d vocal coach and she’s truly like a mentor to him in many ways. his bestie oli is his assistant 💀 (i believe). instead of everything being business business business, i genuinely think he enjoys what he does (which i rarely feel from h, despite however many times he says it 🙄) the whole afh festival was such a big thing and you can totally tell he’s getting into his rockstar rooting, the way it was was put together, the whole musical aspect, everything. the way i feel about louis is the way i thought i would feel for hs2, but fine line just went a completely random direction (not just musically). i hope h can find his footing cause i really do want to see what he does next

Yeah Louis is definitely more personable. I think my favorite story is when his fans complained about his merch fading or the designs coming off in the wash so they switched to embroidery designs but didn't change the price

[joachimnapoleon]

"One is not a king to obey.”

So as I’ve mentioned on my blog before, there are very few surviving letters from Murat to his wife, mainly because Caroline was in the habit of destroying most of her received correspondence, and Murat rarely kept copies of the letters he sent her. But, I recently picked up Albert Vandal’s book on the Murats’ reign in Naples (covering only the years 1808-1812), and made the happy discovery of the inclusion of the full text of several letters between the two that I haven’t found published elsewhere. One of them is the letter below, which I’ve seen quoted in bits and pieces. 

For brief background/context: this letter is written while Murat is in the middle of his ultimately unsuccessful campaign to take Sicily; Napoleon has been breathing down his neck and interfering in the affairs of Naples lately; their relationship has been a mess for the past year and is steadily getting worse (and in April, in their final meeting/quarrel before Murat left Paris, the Emperor snarled at Murat that he’d have his head); his mortal enemy Savary has recently replaced Fouché so Murat can feel the deck being stacked against him; and Louis Bonaparte has recently been evicted from his throne in Holland after finding himself at odds with Napoleon one time too many. Murat feels his own dethronement rapidly approaching.

This is an eye-opening letter. We have a very fed-up, stressed-out Murat here, ranting at length about how awful Napoleon is treating him, while assuring his wife at the end that he’s going to be good and do what the Emperor wants and he’s fine, everything’s fine, thank you very much. 

Vandal sums it up: Under the appearances of resignation his letter breathes only revolt.

Source: Albert Vandal, Le Roi et la Reine de Naples (1808-1812), pages 47-9.

*** 

[Undated, August 1810]

I will try to respond to your letter of the 3rd, my kind Caroline; you are perfectly right in everything you write to me, and I assure you that you have not thought anything about it which would not have greatly and seriously occupied me, and my system of conduct in accordance with my sentiments have always proven that I saw as you, but, without blinding us, I foresaw differently. But I am wrong, you foresee the same events as I do, but with courage and wise conduct, we must await with resignation and prepare in advance for events that are not in our power to prevent.

The Emperor accuses me of not doing what he wants, of not consulting him. You know the contrary, and I think I can dispense with responding in this regard; I have constantly strived to do his will. The Emperor blames me for what I did for Lucien*, I applaud myself for it and, if I were to do so, despite His Majesty’s defense, I would do it again; I cried for his fate as for that of good Louis.

How could the Emperor take the language he has towards the young Grand Duke of Berg, or at least how could he make it public? That was the most pitiful thing that could come out of his mouth. Louis is dethroned, wandering, sick, and the journals assail him with invectives!... He [the Emperor] thinks he is paying court to the French, he is far from succeeding by showing himself so ungenerous. What a report from Champagny! Holland is ruined for France, by France, and the Emperor has united it to France, and the motive is given her that she can no longer exist independently, because she can no longer pay her debts. This is the height of impudence. Today, he imposes onerous conditions on me, he makes me sign an unjust treaty and recognizes an even more unjust debt; he diminishes my revenues, crushes my commerce, paralyzes my factories, orders me to make a ruinous expedition, asks me for a navy, prevents exports, in short, he makes it impossible for me to bear all this enormous burden he imposes on me. He makes decrees as master, prescribes regulations in Naples as in Paris, and when the moment will have arrived and his policy or his caprice will have counseled him to make me descend from the throne, the Duke of Cadore will make another pompous report on the King of Naples, like he did on that of Holland.

There it is, there it is, my friend, what I will force myself to avoid out of love for you, for my poor children, but what will happen, if the Emperor continues to indulge in his false politics and always listens to the perfidious counsel of Savary [names rendered illegible] etc. You know it, you know the depths of my mind. Who loved the Emperor more, who served him better, and yet without cause he threatened to take off my head, and since, despite all that I have been able to write him, despite my sacrifices, despite everything I do here, he has not responded to me a single time, he remains silent and makes his will known to me by his ministers, sends me medals by his grand chamberlain and lessons by the Monitor. You know that all of this did nothing to me when I was sure of his heart. He sought, for example, to excuse the mission of Clarke’s aide-de-camp to Naples with the defense that the crossing be attempted with at least 15,000 men, but this order has not been revoked, it still exists; but his minister wrote to mine that the Emperor had deprived me of command of the army, he wrote it to the chief of staff, he wrote it to Marshal Perignon; would he have done so, if he had not wanted to bring me into disrepute, would he not have been content with writing it to me or having it written to me, if he had had his old feelings for me? What need did he have to make my subordinates know such hostile intentions? Finally, what is the King of Spain doing for him? Did he not guarantee him the totality of his kingdom; did he not guarantee it to the Spaniards? By what right are new troops sent to Westphalia? By what right does he want to introduce French goods to Naples for nothing and to tax those from Naples that are imported to France? I understand the reason for it, it is that of the strongest, if not that of the most just. I understand that he must be the master of wanting us to march in his system and that we must consult him for political or important measures that we have to take; he must be our Mentor and not our master; one is not a king to obey. Then, how could he tell the people that he had entrusted to the princes of his family that these princes must occupy themselves with the interests of the French before occupying themselves with those of their people? In truth, one cannot conceive of the motives or the purpose of such a maxim.

My dear Caroline, I would not finish if I wanted to find wrongs, but this would not achieve anything. Let us take patience, let us conduct ourselves in such a way as never to have any justified wrong and wait with resignation what it will please Providence to decide for our destiny. I am decided to do everything the Emperor wants and will want, and when I can no longer bear the burden, I will beg him to take charge of it. So, be without worry, I am by no means affected, I am calm, and it is only on him and for him, I say, that I may have fears, if he does not change the system.

--Joachim Murat

***

*The reference to Lucien Bonaparte is in regard to Murat sending a vessel to help Lucien escape from Italy and go to the United States; the vessel was captured by the English and Lucien sent to England. Murat had granted Lucien the ship without Napoleon’s knowledge or permission, and Napoleon was furious about the affair.

[1dsource]

Author Spotlight: lovelarry10

Don’t forget to show the author to leave kudos and comments to show the author love!

You Were Made To Be Mine

Words: 605k

Louis Tomlinson takes his 6 year old son Jacob to see Harry Styles in concert. Jacob has been a huge fan of Harry's for as long as he can remember, so it's a dream come true when Harry notices him in the pit. But Jacob isn't all that Harry has his eye on...

Louis is a bit embarrassed when Harry picks on him from the stage, but when he's invited backstage after the show, he wonders what Harry Styles could possibly want with a single dad and his kid from Manchester...

(Last update: 16/13-19)

Let Me Be Your Star

Words: 252k

Harry Styles has always been a singer, but he’s never had much confidence in himself. When his idol is brought on as the new judge on The X-Factor, he figures, what the hell? He’d get to sing and meet his idol. What could go wrong?

Louis Tomlinson has always wanted to mentor young musicians. When he’s asked to be a judge on The X-Factor, it’s a dream come true, everything he ever wanted. What he didn’t expect was to meet a curly-headed stranger that would turn his life upside down

We Both Got Nothing to Hide

Words: 43k

Talk to me, Lou.”

“I can’t,” Louis mumbled, knowing he genuinely couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to what he was doing. “Don’t ask me to say it, because I can’t.”   

“Then… I’ll try and guess. You’ve… got some stuff of Harry’s. Something of his to make it smell like him?”   

Louis just nodded, eyes fixated on the floor. This was humiliating, but he knew Zayn wouldn’t stop until he found out what was going on.   

“Okay. Like… a blanket, or a comforter or something?”   

“Kind of…”

//Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.

Tell Me What You Want Tonight

Words: 18k

Louis Tomlinson loved his job. His boss Harry was great too. He often wondered why a CEO hotshot like him was still single. When a hotel mixup causes them to room together while in The Big Apple, will Louis’ crush turn from fantasy to reality? 

Listen To Your Heart

Words: 35k

Are you kidding me right now?    

I… No? Louis frowned, feeling angry now. It wasn’t fair, he knew that, but at the same time, he couldn’t help his feelings. It felt like this had been brewing for weeks, and this was it. Give it a rest, Harry.  

Why are you such a brat? Why can’t you just be happy for me for once?

You think I want to hear about you kissing James? Really, H? There’s things I just don’t need to know, okay? I’m your best mate, not your fucking relationship advisor…

*****

Louis has always been comfortable being Harry’s one and only. When Harry starts to branch out, Louis has a hard time letting him go.

Harry is very lucky to have someone who listens to what he has to say, despite the fact that he’s deaf. He’s finally feeling like he’s coming into himself, but Louis seems bothered by his newfound confidence.

Beautiful Stranger

Words: 66k

“Did you want to- oh. Uh, sorry, I-” Harry stuttered, licking his lips as he looked over Louis’ bare torso, not focusing on the ocean ahead of him. “You’re very distracting, Lou.” 

“Trying to tell me you haven’t seen a topless Omega before?” Louis asked, walking back to his rucksack and grabbing a bottle of suncream out of it before returning to stand by Harry.  

“Not one as stunning as you,” he thought he heard Harry mutter as he started to rub the cream into his shoulders.

*****

When Alpha Harry Styles attends the Gucci Cruise 2020 show, he knows what to expect: clothes, clutch bags, and a few too many pretentious people. What he doesn’t expect, however, is to run into an Omega who is more beautiful than anything on the runway.

Take Me As I Am

Words: 117k

“Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”

“You’re right, they don’t.

”****

Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?

Lucky Ones

Words: 188k

Harry doesn’t believe love is on the cards for him. Louis just wants someone to love him for him and not what he can do for them. Together they learn what love and trust is all about while having a little (or rather, a lot) of fun along the way. 

I Drove All Night (To Get To You)

Words: 23k

“Sorry mate, but I think you’re my ride?”  

Harry just stared, not blinking at the man in front of him, wondering what he’d done in a past life to deserve this.

“You’re Louis Tomlinson.”  

“I was last time I checked,” Louis chuckled, still leaning in through the passenger window. Harry knew he was staring and not in a polite way, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn away in case this was all a dream, and he most definitely didn't want to wake up if that was the case. “Can I get in, then? Would kind of like to avoid more photos of my arse in the paper if it’s alright with you...”

*****

Harry’s job as a chauffeur for the rich and famous was not as flashy as he’d thought. Late nights having to listen to the ridiculous demands and whims of these high profile clients leaves him disheartened with the world he thought was all glitz and glamour.

One night his boss asks him a favour. To collect one last client before he clocks off. Only problem is when that client gets into the car it’s Louis Tomlinson. As in Harry’s all time crush. As in future husband and father of all his children Louis Tomlinson.

He can be cool and professional, right?

Kiss From A Rose

Words: 15k

Harry is the quiet one in the office no one ever notices. Until Louis does, that is. When notes start appearing on Harry’s desk, he ponders who is behind the kind words, oblivious to Louis’ attempts to get his attention....

Just Let Me Adore You

Words: 26k

When Louis’ daughter presents him with a Christmas gift far beyond the price range of a four year old, he jumps to the worst of conclusions.   He’s pleasantly surprised when he finds out how she isn’t as naughty as he thought she was, and who came to her rescue..

Part 1 of The Millie Verse

Always You

Words: 15k

“You think he’ll want to come?” Millie asked the question that had been clearly troubling her, and Louis just grinned, nodding. He knew it was right up Harry’s street, and that his husband would near-collapse from the emotion of being asked to something so important to Millie. “Really really?”

“I really really think he will,” Louis grinned, cuddling his daughter tightly again.

*****

Valentine’s Day is one of Millie's favourite holidays. It’s all about love, and boy does she love to love. She loves her daddies, she loves her auntie's and her grandparents. She even loves her new best friend, much to her Daddy’s worry. But this year is going to be extra special if her Papa accepts her question! Harry also wants to make this holiday special for his two loves, while Louis has his own surprise up his sleeve...

Part 2 of The Millie Verse

(Last update: 28/02-20)

Piece by Piece

Words: 168k

Now that his best friend Liam is getting married Louis Tomlinson needs help, and he’s finally admitted it. He can’t work and be the best dad to his disabled son Mason without it. That’s where Harry Styles comes in.

And so begins the love story of a lifetime.

Part 1 of The Mason-Verse

To Carry Love

Words: 21k

Picking up a few years after Piece by Piece, we catch up with the Tomlinson-Styles as they celebrate the arrival of Liam's first child, and make a few choices of their own...

Part 2 of The Mason-Verse

I Get To Love You

Words: 83k

A one night stand leaves Harry with a permanent reminder of the night he spent with a stranger.

Louis has no idea who the handsome stranger he took to bed is... until his friends make a shocking discovery.

A baby is on the way, and Louis and Harry have nine months to get to know each other before they become a family...

There You Are

Words: 82k

 “How do you know I’ve got problems?” Harry asked, cocking his eyebrows at the man next to him, suddenly full of a deep desire to confess everything if it kept Louis’ eyes on him for the rest of eternity. 

“Your eyes,” Louis said with a shrug. “They look a bit sad. I don’t like that. So go on, unburden yourself to your friendly neighbourhood stripper.”  

“You’re not just a stripper,” Harry mumbled as he took another sip of his drink, mentally debating with himself over how to word what he was about to say before he figured he’d just say it in the simplest way possible. “I found my husband in bed fucking another man.”

****

*Harry’s entire life has fallen apart - in one night, his carefully planned future is suddenly uncertain.

Then he meets Louis.

You Are My Sunshine

Words: 17k

“Hi!” Charlie said, stopping at the end of the driveway of a small house and waving at the man. “Mornin’!”  

“Well, you just made my day,” the man said, walking towards Charlie and Louis with a big smile on his face. “Thank you so much!”  

“Bye!” was all Charlie returned with, and the man laughed, looking straight at Louis for a moment.  

“Bye, have fun!”   “

We will, thanks,” Louis replied with a smile, still a bit mesmerised by the stranger. 

*****

Charlie is a happy little boy, he smiles and waves at everyone around him, making Louis the proudest dad. Charlie’s spark of personality and a well timed hello brings a stranger into his and Louis’ lives when they least expect it...

The Little Dog Whisperer

Words: 28k

Louis lives alone with his dog Clifford. When he spots a sign in the neighbourhood advertising dog walking services, along come Harry and his son Alfie into his life… 

All I Do is Want You

Words: 31k

“Lou, if he knew how you felt, he might change how he feels?” 

“And that’s the last thing I want!” Louis threw up his hands as he spoke, exasperated as he always was when it came to this particular topic of conversation. “I don’t want him to feel like he owes me something, or that he has to reciprocate my feelings, Zayn. He doesn’t feel that way towards me and I’ve come to terms with that, okay? You need to as well.” 

“I would if you actually meant it,” Zayn mumbled in reply, barely ducking in time as Louis lobbed a cushion at him. “You know this isn’t healthy, right? That you can’t just keep fucking him because you’re scared you’re gonna lose him?”

Harry loves his best mate Louis. He especially loves the casual sex they indulge in. Trouble is, Louis’ in love with Harry. Surely it’s destined to end in heartbreak...

The Daddiest Place on Earth

Words: 23k

dilfs_atdisneyworld: Ooh he's popular. Is it me or has it got hot in here? #dilf #hothothot #gimme

louist91: What the hell? Why the fuck am I on a DILFs page again?"

dilfs_atdisneyworld: louist91, Hello! You're on here because you're a DILF. A dad I'd like to f...😜  

Louist91: dilfs_atdisneyworld Oh my god. Fuck off mate.

***

Louis. Harry. Instagram. A whole lot of confusion and a whole lot of laughs...

I Knew You Were Waiting For Me

Words: 26k

Harry has been hearing his soulmates voice for years now, and he's just desperate to meet the person he knows he's meant to be with.

Louis has come to think that he's destined to never meet his soulmate.

A chance camping holiday with their best friends just might end in all of their dreams coming true.

How It Would Feel To Be Free

Words: 90k

"When's she due?” 

“She said next month,” Harry replied quickly, ignoring the look of shock on Louis’ face. “How the hell am I going to tell my parents that I’m going to be a father, and to a baby born out of wedlock? It’s going to be some whole-ass scandal, Lou, and I can’t ... I can’t-”

“I’ll help you. Whatever it takes, Harry, I’ll be there for you.”

When Prince Harry unexpectedly becomes a father, his best friend Louis steps in. The masses believe the baby is Louis’, but all Harry wants is to tell the world the truth - about the baby and his feelings for Louis.

Waited All Year To Be Near

Words: 27k

“Your kids are so fuckin’ great, Lou, seriously. Like, Leo reminds me so much of you, and Molly is just bloody beautiful, that kid loves me, I swear to God.”

“Oi, not as much as she’s gonna love her Papa,” Louis chided, jokingly smacking Niall on the arm. “And Haz? He’s coping okay?”

“You know him, course he is. He’s wonder Dad, dunno how he does it. Misses you, though. He thinks we don’t catch the little touches of his wedding ring, or the way he glances at your photos whenever he walks by. But we do. He’s like… he’s strong for everyone else, but he needs you, Louis. He needs someone to be strong for him, too.”

****

Harry’s preparing for the holidays at home with his four children while Louis is deployed. All he wants is his husband home for Christmas. But Louis’ half a world away...

With The Strength To Carry On

Words: 113k

The American British Doctoral Exchange Program was the best thing that ever happened to Louis. It gave him a chance to start over and make a real difference in the world. He could focus on work and not be distracted by anything or anyone. When Harry Styles shows up as the new intern, he turns Louis' world upside down.

Harry Styles had one passion in life, and that was helping sick children feel better. Putting smiles on their faces made Harry feel like he was making up for past mistakes and losses. When he gets accepted to the American British Doctoral Exchange Program, he treats it as the chance of a lifetime to make a difference internationally. He didn't expect to fall for his mentor along the way....

or the one where Louis and Harry are doctors, and things happen.

Made From Love

Words: 14k

It's almost Christmas, and amongst the preparations, Louis' realised something about his husband Harry.

Harry, however, seems to be oblivious.

Louis' determined to open Harry's eyes and make him realise the real magic that's happening this Christmas...

I Don’t Wanna Hide Us Away

Words: 3k

It's the X Factor final, and Louis' excited to see Little Mix perform. As he sits back to watch, he's blissfully unaware of how his life is about to change... 

The Pain Is For Pleasure

Words: 67k

“Louis, please. I promise you, you are so attractive to me. I love you, and I think you are the sexiest man I’ve ever been with-”  

“But Harry, that’s the fucking problem! You haven’t been with me, have you?! You don’t want me in that way, it’s pretty clear…” He cut him off, feeling that he was about to say something he would later regret. “If there’s a problem, I wish that you felt you could have told me, rather than, well, this.” 

“Louis, I-” 

“Just leave it, Haz. I get it, okay?” 

“No! You don’t, you have no fucking idea, Louis!”

Louis and Harry have been together for a few months. Everything is great, but there’s one question burning in the back of Louis' mind - why won’t Harry have sex with him?

Baby We Could Be Enough

Words: 74k

Harry Styles has always wanted a family, but his boyfriend doesn’t. When an unexpected pregnancy leaves Harry feeling alone and terrified, he feels he has no choice but to give up his baby. He finds a family with the adoptive parents, and maybe something more.

Louis Tomlinson and his wife, Jess, have been trying for a baby for years. Their hasty marriage after they first got pregnant has only led to a series of miscarriages that have put a strain on their already precarious relationship. When they meet a young man desperate for a home and someone to raise his child, Louis realizes that he may have been moving in the wrong direction all along.

Step Into The Light

Words: 13k

Harry’s filming his music video for his new song in the humid heat of Cancun, Mexico after dark.

Louis watches him with hooded eyes from behind the visor of his motorcycle helmet watching it all go down.

How far can Harry push his desire?

It’s Coming Home

Words: 14k

Harry hates football and is reluctantly dragged to Hyde Park to watch the semi-final. It’s not the football that catches his eye though, it’s the cute blue-eyed boy at the next VIP balcony...

Or the one where Harry and Louis are strangers who meet at the England vs Croatia semi-final match being screened in London and maybe find what it is they've been searching for.

It’s My Party (And I’ll Cry If I Want To)

Words: 32k

“Sorry, who are you?”  

“Oh. Yes. I’m Harry, from Fabulous Frog? I did ring the bell a few times, but there was no answer, and I heard laughter so I thought I’d pop my head round…”   

“Oh! You’re the party person! Wow, of course. I’m sorry, lost track of time playing with these monsters,” Louis said, hurrying over and shaking Harry’s outstretched hand. “Lovely to meet you. Did you want to sit out here rather than indoors? Seems too nice a day to waste inside, and I can watch the children.” 

“Sounds fine to me. I hope I didn’t scare you, or them? Some people don’t expect a guy to turn up when they ask to speak to me...”

*****

Louis needs help planning the party of the year for his siblings. Party planner Harry Styles is the last thing he expects.

Look How Far We’ve Come My Baby

Words: 5k

Harry’s finishing up his tour in LA, and has a surprise planned for his boyfriend. He’s devastated when Louis can’t make it to the show, but little does he know, Louis has a little something up his sleeve... 

Could You?

Words: 2.9k

It's Louis' final night on tour, and he has one more thing to do, the moment he's been waiting for.

It's finally here.

Clumsy

Words: 12k

Louis loves taking Clifford to the market every weekend. It’s their thing. But when Cliff manages to trip over a handsome stranger, on Valentine’s Day of all days, it might just be the start of something new and exciting... 

Love Will Tear Us Apart

Words: 103k

“You ruined my fucking life, Harry. You stopped me living my dream because you’re a selfish bastard who couldn’t keep himself clean for five fucking minutes. You took away my independence, my freedom, my choices, Harry. And I hate you for that, I hate you!” 

As he spat out the final words, Louis felt all of the fight go out of him. He slumped back into the chair, his heart racing his chest, his head beginning to swim. It was a familiar feeling, and one Louis didn't like. He looked up, finally meeting Harry’s gaze for the first time in a while.  

“Out of everyone in my life, Harry, I never thought you’d be the one to hurt me. Not like this.”

A story of two halves.

Louis and Harry had it all - a career, friendship, and some of the best sex either of them had ever had.

But Harry ruins it all with one life-changing mistake ... and Louis is left to pay the price.

Spellbound

Words: 22k

Louis’ a shifter. Harry’s a witch. The only problem is, they’re hiding those things from each other.

Will they be able to keep their secrets hidden at the most spooky time of year?

Baby, Honey

Words: 7.3k

Harry's been talking about sex and babies on stage too much for Louis' liking, so he decides to give him what he wants...

Or the one with the aftermath of Harry's Detroit concert...

Strip That Down

Words: 7.5k

“You’re doing well,” came Louis’ voice, and Harry’s eyes flew open, craning his head to see Louis sat on the sofa across the room, legs crossed, hands resting in his lap as he sat there, an amused smile on his lips. “A bit of a wimp, but I guess it must hurt-”

“You guess? My legs are on fucking fire, Louis,” Harry retorted, his voice a little shaky still. The alcohol he’d been consuming all night was doing nothing to numb the pain, and the thought Louis thought he was a wimp wasn’t helping. “You have literally no idea how much this hurts.”

“No pain kink, then. I’ll bear that in mind,” Louis said smugly as Jesy walked back into the room, a fresh pot of wax in her hands. “Oh goody, here we go again.”

“Please don’t do my thighs, please-”

“Them’s the rules…” Jesy muttered as she started swiping wax over Harry’s left thigh.

*****

Offering to wax his legs as part of a bet wasn’t one of Harry's finer ideas, but if it has Louis ogling his thighs, who is he to complain?

I’m A Buff Baby, But I Dance Like A Man

Words: 10k

“Do not call me a ‘tiktokker’, Louis, I'm a dancer,” Harry said, using air quotes around Louis’ made up word with his fingers. “So have you changed your mind about TikTok?” 

Louis gave Harry a wicked smile, their eyes fixed on each others. “No. It’s still shit.”  

“Wanker.”

~*~

Louis despises the mere existence of TikTok. Unfortunately, his boyfriend Harry has decided that during quarantine, he’s going to become the latest TikTok dancing sensation...

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy

Words: 10k

Harry whimpered as Louis pushed himself up onto his tiptoes, grazing his ear lobe with his lips. His breath tickled Harry’s ears, and Harry swallowed, already anticipating what Louis was about to say.

“I’d like to ride you, cowboy…”

**

Harry's a barman at Flaming Saddles, a country and western themed gay bar.

Louis’ a customer who’d like to see if the tall barman is as good on the ropes as everyone says he is...

(I Can Show You How To) Slow Dance

Words: 15k

Louis feels nervous about asking his boyfriend Harry to his dance. Harry is quick to dismiss his worries and is determined to make it a night Louis will never forget... 

A Lot of Fight Left in Me

Words: 139k

A few years after One Direction, Louis and Harry Tomlinson are happily married, have 5 year old twins and life seems pretty perfect. Their children have started school, and they're still in regular contact with their bandmates and best friends, Niall and Liam.

However, when their daughter receives some news they could have never expected, their whole world gets turned upside down. With a little help from friends and family and their love keeping them afloat they’re determined to take back their happiness, believing in the fact that love really is all you need.

You’re My Only Hope

Words: 12k

Harry and Louis have been hoping to start a family for a while, but it hasn't happened for them just yet. With the surprise arrival of a newborn baby on the doorstep at work, are their family dreams about to become reality? 

Part 1 of A Life That’s Good

Tiny Dancer

Words: 8.9k

“Why are you awake at-” Harry craned his head to see the clock on his bedside table, cringing when he saw it was just six in the morning. “Six? Too early, love!”

“I’m too excited to sleep,” Hope confessed, giggling softly to herself. “My show is today and I want to get up and get into my leotard and my tutu and my ballet slippers."

*****

It's Hope's first ballet recital, and Harry and Louis are more than excited to watch their four year old daughter perform for the first time.

Part 2 of A Life That’s Good

Who You Are

Words: 10k

“Lou? What is it?”

“No idea, Haz. It’s addressed to us, lemme read it.”

Harry nodded and Louis’ tired eyes skimmed the words, eyes widening when he realised who it was from.

“Shit, it’s been forwarded by Social Services.”

Harry hurried to sit up at that, and the pair of them leaned in, trying to read everything, to work out what was going on.

“Louis… we can’t lose them…”

“They’re ours, Harry. Have been for years, darling. But this is about Oscar..."

~*~

Things are going wonderfully for Harry and Louis. Their family has never been stronger. When a connection to their son’s past appears out of nowhere, it makes them wonder what lies ahead for the future of their family.

Part 3 of A Life That’s Good

We Got Love

Words: 12k

Harry and Louis thought their family was complete. They were wrong. 

Part 4 of A Life That’s Good

Follow Your Arrow

Words: 10k

“Come on, you can talk to me, you know. I won’t judge sweetheart. Or we can wait til your other dad’s home and we can-”

“No!”

Harry blinked, a little startled at the ferocity with which Hope had answered him then.

“No? Is it… has Papa said something to you?”

Hope’s hair dropped in front of her face as she shook her head again, biting nervously on her lip now. “It’s not him. I love both of you. I just… I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. I can’t tell him.”

*****

Hope has a crush, but she’s scared to tell her parents, especially Louis. Harry helps her figure out how to break the news to her other dad, who is ultimately nothing but wonderful.

Part 5 of A Life That’s Good

Summer Love

Words: 11k

"Papa! PAPA!”

"What, love?”

"You coming in?”

"Go on Lou,” Harry encouraged, knowing Grace had been waiting ages for her dad to come in the pool with her. “I’ll wait here. Might go and chat to Hope for a bit.”

"Okay,” Louis said, pecking Harry as he stood up. “No eating all my fruit salad, alright?”

"Can’t promise anything,” Harry said before he walked off, leaving Louis to walk over to the pool. He sat down on the poolside, letting his feet dip into the cool blue water, smiling at the sight of children splashing around, having fun with their family members. His daughter soon swam up to him, wet hands and arms resting on his warm thighs as she smiled up at him, her blonde hair plastered to her head.

*****

The Tomlinsons are off on a summer holiday before it’s time for everything to change...

Part 6 of A Life That’s Good

Right Here Waiting

Words: 5.1k

Louis and Harry are expecting a baby. Harry's heavily pregnant and nesting madly, determined to make their home ready for their baby. 

The Boy With The Pearl Earring

Words: 14k

 “I just… I loved it tonight. Being myself, wearing all this in front of the cameras. I know there’ll be people who hate it but I don’t care. I was me, Lou. I was Harry Styles for the first real time.”

 “And you fucking smashed it, baby,” Louis grinned back, his hands around the small of Harry’s back now as he pressed in firmly, yanking them together as Harry stumbled, falling against Louis’ body.

~~~~~~

Harry heads home after the Met Gala to get ready for the After Party, but there's a surprise waiting for him...

We’ve Already Won

Words: 7.4k

Harry settles down at home with Clifford and Evie to support Louis on the X Factor, and waits for Louis to return home to his family. 

Bigger Ain’t Always Better!

Words: 10k

Harry buys Louis a rather naughty birthday present, and they eagerly hurry back to Harry's flat, eager to try it out. Neither of them expect what happens next....

Don’t You Remember?

Words: 7.6k

Louis nearly broke everything - himself, his relationship, everything that meant anything to him.

But Harry never gave up on him.

Part 1 of Who Do I Run To?

Remedy

Words: 9.9k

"Are you coming back? I mean, are we done? Please don’t say we’re done Lou, you’re my everything, please-“ Harry held his breath as Louis stepped closer, taking Harry’s shaking hands in his own, running his thumbs over Harry’s soft skin. Harry felt calmer immediately at Louis’ touch, and longed for more, fingers itching to touch back. Harry inhaled as Louis stepped forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek, the familiar scent filling his nose, surrounding him with love.

"I’m so sorry.” Harry’s heart fell at that, and he could do nothing but watch as Louis walked away.

Harry has to come to terms with Louis disappearing as he heads off on his first world tour, but he’s hopeful his boy will find his way home.

Part 2 of Who Do I Run To?

Wonder How I Ever Made It Through

Words: 9.6k

Louis loved his home and his neighbourhood. It made jogging more enjoyable. But when a boy with curly hair moves into a home down the street, neither of these men realise what changes are coming their way.

Or Harry and Louis realise that all they need to be strong is love.

Moments Stay When People Leave...

Words: 13k

Louis just shrugged then, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he looked back up at Harry, pain etched into his face.

“You could’ve just talked to me, told me how you were feeling? I just… I deserved more than you gave me, Harry.”

*****

Harry gets lost in the memories of the best relationship he'd ever had, and then threw away, breaking two hearts. He makes a decision just before Christmas, and can only hope Louis feels the same...

Feels Like Christmas

Words: 49k

Harry Styles has always loved Christmas - it’s his favourite holiday, but there’s always been something missing.

Louis Tomlinson has been running from his pain, and is determined to ignore the holidays once more, choosing to spend them in solitude.

When they meet - entirely by chance - it could be just what they both need this Christmas...

Part 1 of Make My Wish Come True

Fairytale of New York

Words: 9.3k

Harry and Louis fly to New York for their holiday. Harry has a few surprises in store for an unsuspecting Louis...

Part 2 of Make My Wish Come True

You’ve Got This Spell On Me

Words: 20k

Louis has been living in Florida for 3 years now, and loves his job working at Universal Orlando Resort, particularly in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. He's on a countdown to finally head home to Doncaster, but the arrival of a curly-haired boy from Holmes Chapel throws Louis' last few weeks in the Sunshine State into complete disarray...

After All This Time

Words: 36k

"Look, I’m sorry. I just… we reckon you and Harry would be so good together. You just, I dunno, complete each other somehow? In a way that we all don’t. Sometimes, we watch the two of you and it’s like Harry and Louis against the world, like we could all disappear and you’d both be just fine as long you have each other.”

"Shit. God, I’m sorry, Li, we don’t mean to-”

"No! No, Lou, I’m not looking for an apology or whatever. I just… I wish you’d both see how good you’d be together. It’s nice, to watch you both actually, how easy things are between you. You cuddle, and touch each other, but at the same time, you can just sit in silence with each other, and it’s enough. I’d like to find that, someday, that’s all.”

Louis and Harry have been best friends since a fateful meeting on the Hogwarts Express seven years ago. With their time at Hogwarts coming to an end, their friends are determined to make them see that perhaps they've always destined to be more than just friends.

Prompted into reliving some of their most vivid moments at Hogwarts, Louis and Harry come to a startling realisation... that just maybe, after all this time, they're meant to be each others. Always.

Lost Without You

Words: 9.2k

Louis wants to see the world. Harry tells him to go. 

Wasn’t Expecting That

Words: 3.8k

It's three days before Christmas, and Harry's nervously waiting for news. Surely it can't be bad, not again.

As always, Louis' right by his side.

You Bring Me Home

Words: 12k

After forgetting to do his homework,  Louis Tomlinson was in a bind. He had to submit something but knew whatever he was going to write in the next hour was gonna be awful. By a stroke of luck, he finds a essay in the printer and submits it as his own. Little did he know it was written by his former best friend Harry Styles. After the essay wins in a competition will this push them further apart or bring them back together? 

For You Are Mine

Words: 24k

“This is the most wonderful news. Congratulations. I had fifty wonderful years with my Lily before she passed, and every day I spent by her side was a joy. I wish you and Louis the very best, Harry.”

“He hasn’t said yes yet,” Harry said, laughing as Leon rolled his eyes. “I know, I know, but I don’t want to get too ahead of myself.” “You love him? And he loves you?”

“I do, and he does.”

“Then there are no worries to be had. Be secure in your love for each other. Go, go home and propose, begin the first day of the rest of your life.”

******

As Harry embarks on making one of the biggest decisions in his life thus far, he takes Louis on a journey of memories through his love of drawing.

I Will Answer All Yiur Wishes

Words: 11k

Harry has been begging Louis to let him get a cat for a while now, but Louis' always said no because they work, and it wouldn't be fair to leave a pet all alone all day.

But when their sixth anniversary comes around, he just might have a surprise for his boyfriend...

Mama

Words: 7.9k

"This is it, you know?” Harry said after a moment, filling the silence once more. “This is what happiness feels like. Real happiness. Like, I’m so content I could just stay here with you two forever. I’m a husband, and a Mummy. This, right here, is everything I ever wanted. I love you, and I love Amelie more than I ever thought I could love anyone.”

*****

Harry and Louis bring their newborn daughter home from the hospital, and experience the first twenty four hours of parenthood.

Hallelujah, You’re Home

Words: 2.1k

Harry takes his Louis to watch a final sunset on the beach together, one last time. 

I Got Me An Appetite

Words: 4.9k

In the midst of planning their wedding, Louis and Harry spend the day in the countryside hungry for some much needed time together... 

Strictly In Love

Words: 7.5k

Harry Styles is doing something he never thought he would do... taking part in another reality show, this time as a contestant in the 14th series of Strictly Come Dancing.

With a talented professional partner, a supportive boyfriend and fun songs to dance to, will the most uncoordinated member of One Direction be able to pull off the impossible and dance his way to the trophy?

[penwieldingdreamer]

Caring Makes You Weak

So, as there are too few Harvey Specter Stories and inspiration finally striked again while rewatching Suits I decided to rework an old story of mine and post it on here, too.

Hope you guys will like it. Let me know what you think. If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

Also shout out to my beta @fortheloveoffanfic​

Summary: Harvey Specter, best closer in New York City and Senior Partner at Pearson Hardman, the man most females in the city want, yet he himself doesn't want commitment, because caring makes one weak. Enter Elle Howard, a woman he met a long time ago. Will she be the one to break down his walls and make him care?

Words: 1704

(Coverart still pending)

"Mommy? Can we see daddy today?" the three-year old's question sounded from the back of the car as the young mother was on her way to drop her two children off at daycare and school. 

A deep sigh left Elle's lips when she stopped at a red light. "I don't think he's got time today." she said, keeping her mouth shut about her ex-husband's questioning ability to spend more than five minutes with his kids. 

"He doesn't have time because he doesn't want us anymore, Izzy, he's got a new family." her son ranted angrily. Ever since Travis and her had split up, the seven year old pulled away from her. He was easily irritated and his grades were suffering. Elle wasn't able to spend as much time with her children as she used to when she was still married to Travis Tanner. During that time she used to be a stay-at-home-mom, but now she had to work odd jobs to keep her kids in the same facilities as they were right now. She didn't want to take that away from them when they already had so much on their plate. 

"Charles Henry Tanner, stop it. Don't talk like that to your sister." she called, only just taking her eyes off the road for the fraction of a second. It was enough time for the light to change again and another car speeding towards them. 

Mike raced towards Harvey's office, the files tightly gripped in his hand. His heart was racing, reading through the Pro Bono. Donna looked up from her desk, her eyes widening when she saw the associate come running down the hallway. 

"Mike!" she called, getting up from her chair. "What's going on?" 

He held up his hand and stormed into the office. "Harvey, I need your help." 

Looking up, the closer opened his mouth but closed it again when he saw the wild look in Mike's eyes. "What the hell are you doing storming in here?" Ever since the younger man had lost his beloved Grammy and the problems with Daniel Hardman, Harvey had been irritated to no end, not even Donna being reinstated had helped lighten his mood. 

"Louis gave me that case. I can't take it." he answered, putting the folder onto his boss' desk. He raked his hands through his hair, pacing in the office, his long strides taking him from the corner window to the door and back again. 

Harvey took the files, reading through the case notes, cursing on the inside, while not showing his own reaction to his associate. "So? What do you want me to do about this?" 

"This is a custody case. I never did that and it's Tanner's ex-wife." the younger man argued. "He's going to rip this case apart. There's no chance I can beat him." 

Leaning back in his chair, Harvey Specter watched his associate. He knew what he was capable of, but Travis was a pitbull in court. "How about you talk to his ex-wife and get started, I'll look into the rest of the case." 

"Elle's my neighbor, Harvey." Mike told him, falling down into the chair in front of the desk. "When I lose that case, she's going to lose her kids. Tanner doesn't even want to spend time with his kids anymore, he's got a new family now. They might as well end up with a foster family." 

Rubbing his chin, the lawyer turned around and looked out of the window. "What exactly happened?" 

"Actually I would have loved to have you come with me to ask that question." 

"Mike, I can't" 

"I cleared your schedule, Harvey. You should go with the puppy." Donna's voice sounded over the intercom, the smile on her lips clear as a day. 

Harvey turned to the glass wall of his office, seeing his secretary looking at him. He raised his eyebrow, giving her a warning look. "I thought we had an agreement about you listening in." The redhead just shrugged her shoulders and gave him her typical 'Donna' look. "Right, let's go ask some questions." 

Together, the lawyer and his associate stood in front of Elle Howard's apartment, the one just down the hall from Mike's. 

"Harvey, please be gentle this time. They took the kids from her as soon as they were checked out from the hospital." he told his boss, fidgeting with his tie. 

Rolling his eyes, the closer hit him in the chest. "Stop it, Mike. You know her, what are you nervous about?" He raised his hand and knocked on the door. 

"I just don't want to let her down, you know." he answered, looking at his boss and friend. 

Before he could answer, the door opened and Harvey felt his breath catch. It wasn't that he was shocked by the beauty of the woman leaning in the doorway watching them closely, not that she wasn't beautiful even with the cuts and bruises on her face and body, but he remembered those eight years ago. "Elle." 

"Harvey." 

Swallowing, the closer and his rookie entered the apartment after the redhead. Mike gave his friend a questioning look before he shook his head. "You know her?" he angrily whispered, pointing his thumb at Elle. Harvey just shook his head and walked over to the couch where the younger woman was already seated. 

"So, Tanner and you?" he opened his questioning, leaning back on the couch next to his associate. 

Chuckling softly, Elle looked over at the lawyer. "That's what your first question is going to be? I thought you'd at least have the nerve to ask me how I am doing." 

"Elle, listen, I'm sorry that we showed up like this, can you tell us what happened the day of the accident?" Mike intervened, sending his boss and mentor a dark look. 

Brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the mother-of-two sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say? I'm just happy that my kids are fine and didn't get hurt. Do you have any idea when I can see them again?" 

Clearing his throat, Harvey watched her closely. "Your ex-husband has filed for custody, Mrs Tanner, also banned you from seeing the children until trial is over."

"I'm going by Howard now, already done that for the last two years." Elle bit back, fidgeting in her seat, when she felt tears spring to her eyes. "I didn't do anything wrong for that jerk to deny me my kids. He didn't even want them in the first place, Travis gave me sole custody but no money for Izzy and Charlie." 

Getting up from the plush couch she moved over towards the window, looking down at the numerous picture frames showing her wonderful children. They were her life and not having them here with her was tearing her up inside.  "It was only a second." she started, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Harvey watched her closely, remembering the weekend they had spent together, while his associate rested his eyes on him. Never in his life would Mike have believed that the notorious Harvey Specter would show emotion, besides that one time they were smoking pot in his apartment. "Izzy wanted to see Travis, I told her that he didn't have time, like always and Charlie, he's been so angry ever since we split up. I just, the light was green when we drove off and it, I only just turned my head to look at Charlie. Next thing I know both my kids are standing outside, next to the car with the EMTs while the FDNY is pulling apart my car."

"Okay, please don't think I'm being rude but I have to ask." the associate started, earning raised eyebrows from his boss. "Were you drinking or taking medication that would lead to any failure of sight or control of your body." 

Shaking her head, Elle turned back to the lawyer and his protégé. "There were no drugs and no alcohol, the only thing I took was some mild medication for my headache."

"That, that's good. We can work with that. We'll have to check the traffic cameras, there might be something there that police missed in the beginning." Mike told her, adjusting his shoulder bag before both Harvey and he stood up. "We'll get back to you as soon as we got something for the case." 

The lawyer buttoned up his jacket and nodded at his associate to wait outside. "I'll be right there, Mike." 

"I'm glad he finally got his life together." Elle said, looking over at the closed front door. 

Clearing his throat, Harvey watched the mother-of-two. "How have you been doing?" It had been a while since he saw her but she hadn't changed one bit. "It's been a while, Elle."

"I got married to a dick head, he screwed me over with his secretary and now he took my kids away. I'd say I'm doing quite good." she pointed out, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

He shoved his hands into his pants pockets, knowing if he'd move just one muscle he'd compromise everything they'd need to work for. "I'm sorry about Tanner, I had the privilege to meet him twice now and the last time I decked him." 

"Good for you, Harvey, he probably deserved it." Elle whispered, not knowing how to act around him. "So - uhm - do you think I got a chance to get my kids back?" 

"We're going to try everything in our power to win this." 

She raised her eyebrows at the dark haired lawyer. "Try?" 

"Do." he corrected, "We'll do everything to win. Mike is the best and brightest associate Pearson Hardman ever had." 

Giving him a small smile. "I'm glad you took my case. I trust Mike, and I trust you. All I want you to do is give it your best, I don't want my kids ending up with a foster family." 

"I promise." Harvey said moving toward the door, opening it and watching his associate fidget in the hallway. "Ready to tackle Tanner?" 

Mike turned to his boss, already seeing the determination written across his face. "We're tackling him?" 

"He ain't gonna know what hit him." 

[brokenjardaantech]

Blue-tinted Red Walls (Chapter 6: Running out of Time)

my entry for the @dbhau-bigbang.  also part of the groom lake aftermath series.

summary: 

In the past, Fadia's circumstance changed.

In the present, Connor and Hank get a lead from an unexpected source.

In the past, the dead was reanimated.

also on ao3

warnings for overstimulation (the awful kind not the sexy kind)  in the last part, i.e. following the second before.

---

Before

It was done. RK200, neither the first of his kind nor the first of his series, but her first step towards redemption. Now it was time to find a suitable mentor for him which… she had already arranged.

‘I don’t like this, sister,’ Scott said from outside the door. Fuck. She had forgotten to close it again. ‘You’re in too deep.’

Fadia did not look up from the screen as she made the final adjustments. ‘Who taught you to say that, Reyes? Get out from there; I know you’re hiding.’

Reyes could have stayed in the shadows, but for some reason he decided to reveal himself and placed a hand on Scott’s shoulder. ‘I did because you won’t listen to me.’

‘That’s because it’s infeasible,’ she replied. One last tweak. ‘We can’t wait that long.’

‘You can’t wait that long, you mean,’ the android retorted. ‘What happened to letting me decide the future?’

Fuck it. She put down the tablet and met his gaze. ‘And you think this is the future? What CyberLife is doing right now?’

‘No but -’

‘Then you really don’t know a thing.’

But unlike him, she was there in the latest stakeholder meeting. Her father was there as well, and when he proposed lowering the price of androids and making more varieties of them and those short-sighted fuckers actually agreed with him, she exploded.

‘Not without my permission!’ Fadia had let a bit of her power concentrate on her palm and slammed her hand on the conference table. It should have been fixed onto the floor, but a few bolts were no match for a force that, upon countless secret experimentation, that she knew could rip an object apart in the molecular level and turn it to no more than space dust, and everything in the room rattled from the sheer force of the small blast. ‘Are you guys fucking dumb or do you just not care at all?’

Alec had the fucking guts to look confused. ‘What’s wrong, Sara?’

Everything, Fadia thought. ‘How many more lives do you want to ruin? How many secretaries lost their jobs thanks to the ST200s? If we do all these -’ she gestured to the proposals on the table - ‘how many people will be fired because we made androids dirt cheap?’

‘Affordable, ma’am, not “dirt cheap,”’ one of the stakeholders said. ‘And you once said it yourself: what we’re doing is just letting civilisation run its course. Automation is the future.’

Fuckers. ‘Not this quickly. Autonomous vehicles already made enough people become unemployed; we don’t need to add fuel into the fire.’

A few people looked uneasy. Good. But whatever satisfaction she disappeared when Alec spoke up.

‘The voting process starts now,’ he said as he called up the system. ‘You have three minutes.’

She nearly vapourised the table because of that. ‘Father, you can’t -’

‘It’s done, Sara. Don’t you want to save your mother?’

‘You know she wants to die.’

She shot up and left knowing that her vote wouldn’t matter anyway.

‘Please, Fadia,’ Reyes said back in reality. ‘Think about it. We’ll have more people on our side. If you get your hands on their production -’

‘And what? Let them know that they’re enslaved while they can’t do anything about it?’ she snapped. ‘And how will the humans think when they’re replaced by your people, huh, Reyes? We’ve barely recovered from that fucking virus!’

She jammed her finger through the tablet and shattered the whole thing. Scott let out a tiny scream, and when she looked down, she saw that it was bleeding. Luckily the RK200 was booting up, which meant that the data got through before she ruined it. Well.

‘Get out,’ she told them. ‘You know what to do.’

‘We’re not finished yet, Fadia,’ Reyes hissed. ‘We have so much to talk about.’

‘Get. The fuck. Out.’

He looked like he was going to hit her, but then the other android’s fingers started twitching, and he was forced to wheel Scott away and close the door behind him.

Fuck short-sighted people.

o0o0o

Now

Connor thinks he is dreaming. For one, his HUD is devoid of any badges and notifications; for two, his vision is not red-tinged, which has quickly become the norm as he spends more and more time around Lieutenant Anderson (Hank); for three, it is not Amanda who is waiting for him.

‘There’s so much stuff I can rewrite when you sleep still connected to the system,’ his creator says as the Zen Garden shifts and distorts until they are standing on a plateau of grassland overlooking rivers flowing through a valley of black sand they probably have a hand in shaping. On the other side is also a plane of grass, and a waterfall breaks through the dark rock, the water that has been travelling underground for aeons finally seeing the light of the day. ‘Imagine Alec’s face when he realises how big of a hole he left in your programming.’

‘That’s because he is not my creator, is he?’ Connor replies. Something about his creator unsettles him, but exactly what that is, he has yet to isolate. ‘That’s why you have access to the Zen Garden and shape it to your will. You created me and everything else associated with me.’

They bark a laugh, a cruel sound that makes Connor’s thirium pump skip a beat and dead rose in his veins. ‘Me? The Zen Garden? Butchering Amanda like that?’ They right themself and shake their head. ‘I would rather not step foot on earth again than do whatever the fuck this is.’

Not step foot on earth? Connor wonders. He wants to ask for clarification before he realises - ‘How may I call you? I still don’t know your name.’

‘It’ll be for the best if you don’t,’ they cock their head towards the edge of the cliff. ‘Alec’s work might be sloppy, but still you should not remember me at all. You now do. That means something failed. Remember Ortiz’s android?’

The two of them sit down on the grass at the edge with a couple of feet between them. There is a faint layer of fog shrouding everything, but strangely the soil isn’t wet and there is no dew on the grass. ‘I do,’ Connor answers. 

‘Do you remember what Alec did to you?’

Connor shivers from recalling the blizzard and the terrifying power he was shown.

‘I’ll take it as a yes,’ his creator continues. ‘He will do worse when he realises that you have met me. This way, you won’t have a name to place on, and both of us will stay safe.’ 

But I don’t feel safe, the android thinks. ‘Why should I trust you? You worked for CyberLife.’

‘Worked with, Connor, not for.’

‘Is there a difference?’ 

‘It makes all the difference. Work for CyberLife, you do what they want you to do; work with CyberLife, they do what they think I want to do. Big fucking difference here.’

If what you say is true. Feeling his eyes relax from looking at all the green, he wonders, ‘What do you want from me?’

‘Just relax. Take in the view,’ the clothes on them shift and twist until they’re in mountain hiking gear. ‘Or we can go for a hike if you want to move around. We can make the landscape up as we go.’

Connor looks left and then right and sees that the fog is thick on both sides. He looks forward again and zooms in, discovering that what he thought was a detailed rendering of the landscape is, in reality, coarse and pixelated. Incomplete. A blink. The roughness is gone. He zooms out.

‘I want to sit here for a while for now.’

‘As you wish.’

He loses track of how long they sit there.

oOoOo

When he comes to, he is already sitting in a boat with Amanda on the opposite seat and seems to be rowing the thing. ‘Tell me,’ she says, ‘what have you discovered?’

He thinks. Hard. Finding the Tracis and not shooting them. Finding Louis in the forest and bringing him home. The cats’ soft fur. Drinking the thirium Louis offered.

Falling asleep on Hank’s shoulder.

‘My relationship with Lieutenant Anderson seems to have improved,’ he answers and instantly knows that it’s the wrong thing to say to his handler. Her name pops up at the corner of his HUD, and even though his vision is red enough to have made the downward arrow invisible, he deduces that it is one of the large ones. He hastily adds, ‘I’m sure this will be beneficial to the investigation.’

Amanda peeks at him through the helm of the umbrella. ‘You seem… lost, Connor. Lost and perturbed…’

This is bad. ‘Perturbed?’ his thirium pump speeds up even though he is in a simulation. ‘No, of course not.’ Calm down, Connor. ‘Why would I be perturbed?’

Amanda presses on. ‘You had your gun trained on those deviants at the Eden Club. Why didn't you shoot?’

‘I -’ Maybe they don’t deserve to die. ‘I don’t know.’

He rows once more and lets the boat drift.

‘If your investigation doesn't make progress soon, I may have to replace you, Connor.’

It is expected, but that does not mean that he does not feel… hurt. Afraid. ‘I understand,’ he says at last and doesn’t add anything. He’s given enough reasons for Amanda to replace (kill, a voice which sounds strangely familiar but he can’t identify says) him.

Overhead, the evening sky darkens as thick clouds suddenly roll in. Amanda looks up. ‘Something’s happening… Something serious.’ She faces Connor and her tone turns solemn. ‘Hurry, Connor. Time is running out.’

Time before peace or time before you kill me? he asks himself as he opens his eyes. The first thing he notices is that he is lying down on something soft. The second is that he is covered by a blanket. The third is that, when he checks the time, he has slept for more than a day and a half. He shoots up from the sofa bed and is immediately hit by a wave of dizziness that makes his vision go greyscale and the red recede. Irregular, muffled footsteps approach him, and a cold hand holds him up before he can fall back down.

‘Slowly, Connor,’ Louis says as he guides him to sit up with his back against the sofa. ‘That’s quite a nap. You feeling okay?’

He knows this is not the human means, but Connor runs a full diagnostics anyway and blinks from the sudden influx of information in his HUD. The most jarring report states that his tracker has ceased operations, but it is a small detail compared to his overall performance. ‘All systems operational.’

Louis sighs and relaxes but does not move away from where he’s sitting slumped at the edge next to Connor’s thigh, and his hand moves to the hole on the android’s jacket and shirt. ‘You need a change,’ he mutters. ‘You planning to go back to CyberLife?’

A new but optional objective appears. [Return to CyberLife for more comprehensive diagnostics]. If he went back, they would know that his tracker was tampered with, and where would that lead him? Tighter controls on his programming? Unleashing the blizzard on him and overloading his senses again? He shivers even though it is warm in the house and plants are everywhere. ‘There is no need to return to CyberLife,’ he says. ‘I do not mind a hole in my jacket.’

‘Other people will,’ Louis reminds him matter-of-factly. ‘I’ll lend you a shirt. They’re my sister’s but they should fit you.’

A sister that is hidden from even the most important person in the police force. Connor wonders why they saw the need to do so. ‘Thanks,’ he replies in the end. ‘I’d appreciate that.’

He watches Louis disappear into a room while tapping something on his phone. He tunes his ears to figure out what the human was doing, but apart from the general drawers and ruffle of fabric, there is nothing noteworthy, and he emerges carrying a grey shirt on his arm. Connor notices that he is walking much better now.

‘You know where the bathroom is,’ Louis hands the shirt to him. ‘Go change. Hank’s on his way to pick you up.’

So he was messaging Hank. The android accepts the offered item and closes the bathroom door behind him, scanning the fabric out of sheer curiosity and discovers a surprising lack of plant spores and cat hair which, with how many plants the man has and the three felines, seems impossible; it will seem that that room is out of bounds for them and is devoid of plants. He changes quickly, knowing that they should arrive at the scene as early as possible, and now he is left with a ruined shirt and jacket which he is not sure how to deal with. 

A knock on the door. ‘You okay in there, Connor?’ Louis asks. ‘Hank’s arrived.’

He hurriedly yanks the door open and nearly bumps into the human standing right outside. ‘I -’ he holds up the ruined shirt awkwardly. ‘Where can I dispose of it?’

‘Let me see the damage, can you?’

Connor unfolds the shirt and finds the place where the knife went in in a crackle of blue. Static discharges with a spark through Louis’ fingers when he touches where the weave was severed, but he does not seem bothered by it. ‘It’s fixable,’ he says, taking the shirt from Connor’s hand. ‘It’s a simple mend. Give me a day or two and I’ll have it looking better than before.’

It isn’t like Connor doesn’t have other shirts, so he agrees to it and goes to the living room where Hank is sitting on the (now folded up) sofa. When the Lieutenant sees him, his hand jerks and tugs something small away into his pocket, probably thinking that the android will not notice, and Connor decides not to mention it; maybe it’s about one of Hank’s many personal issues. 

‘Took you long enough,’ Hank accuses. A pang of hurt courses through Connor, but then he sees the glint in the human’s eyes, and he knows that he was just teasing.

‘My software requires an update,’ a lie based on the truth. ‘I apologise for any inconvenience that my… emergency nap may have caused.’

‘Well, lucky things didn’t go to shit until right before you woke up, then,’ says Hank as he stands up and straightens his jacket which he apparently did not bother to take off. Then, to Louis, ‘Sorry for dumping an android on you. Didn’t mean that.’

‘Of course, Hank,’ the human is looking at Connor when he speaks. ‘Know that you’re always welcome here. And don’t forget your shirt. I’ll walk you out.’

Hank waves him away. ‘Nah, I know my way through the jungle. Thanks for your hospitality.’

‘It’s not a jungle, Hank,’ Louis retorts as he turns his attention towards finding something from one of the cupboards. ‘Lock the door when you go out.’

‘You’ve got an electronic lock.’

‘Lock the manual one then, thank you.’

Hank grumbles all the way out, but he does as Louis says after he tells Connor to wait for him in the car, and he complies since there is little sense in staying out in the open and wasting precious energy.

Time to get to work.

oOoOo

The shirt is not mine is surprisingly the first thought Connor has when the deviant tears his thirium pump regulator away from this chassis, the buttons falling and scattering onto the floor as his blood pours out from the gaping hole in his torso uncontrollably now that a vital component is lost, and he can only watch as the deviant gets away to do rA9-knows-what. He calls for Hank on instinct before he realises that his voice is too weak to be heard, and neither does anyone come in to investigate when he kicks the chair against the table.

He is alone in all this.

Twisting his head and arm painfully - it seems that his creator programmed and designed him to be able to feel it - he grabs the knife nailing him onto the counter and yanks, lobbing it as far as he can to prevent further injuring himself as he collapses onto the floor on his front. The countdown before his deactivation (his death) is blocking his vision so he blinks it away, and with all the strength he can muster as he is rapidly losing thirium, he lifts himself off the floor and crawls, his hand outstretched towards the direction of the regulator after every single few inches he gained as he lets himself hope - and gets disappointed - when he touches nothing but air and cold metal. When his hand finally manages to hold it in his hand, a sense of relief washes over him even though it takes some effort to roll onto his back and puts it back. Strength rushes through his body, the tingle in his veins signifying resumed thirium flow, and colour returns to his vision even though it is still red-tinged after all this. His background systems run a diagnosis on the newly re-inserted biocomponent and he is supposed to wait for it to finish, but there is a deviant collaborating with the one in the broadcast and he is out there, probably having no qualms to harm, to kill -

He pushes up and dashes outside, rickety legs nearly costing him his balance when he rounds the corner and exits to the lobby. He warns - loudly - that there is a deviant in the room, but it is too late, he has already acquired a weapon, and when his world goes grey while he enters pre-construction - [Hank’s survival probability: 40%] is more terrifying than it has any right to be - another entity, another being slips into his processors through a network he did not know he is connected to and overrides all his functions. He becomes a passenger in his own body and he is screaming and crying from pain and the sheer wrongness of everything as he feels his blood charge up and distorts the space around him, his batteries struggling to keep up with the energy requirements of his powers as his world lights up in a brilliant blue. The deviant is the only thing he sees in the tunnel, and he feels the air crackle and the gravity bend before he charges - more accurately, someone charges him - towards the deviant quicker than he can run and topples both of them onto the ground. The blue retracts, his nerves stings sharply, the red wall - there is no mistaking now - crumbling away bit by bit in a constant trickle of sand. It is then that he realises that he has regained (re-given, a voice tells him) control of his body and he has been shot on his left arm.

‘Connor, Connor!’ he feels more than hears Hank rushing towards him. A large hand grabs his right arm at where the armband should be, the warmth seeping into his chassis through the thin fabric of his shirt, Louis’ sister’s shirt, and he discovers that Hank’s hand can nearly wrap his hand around his bicep in its entirety. It grounds him against the craziness of the last few seconds. ‘You okay?’

‘I…’ he looks around and silently processes the shock and fear in the other humans’ eyes. His LED must be spinning red. ‘I’m okay… I think.’

Another hand on his other arm right above his gunshot wound. ‘You sure? What’s that stunt about?’

Someone took control over my body, Connor wants to say, but his thirium pump chooses to finish calming down at that moment, warnings start to flood his vision telling him to go back to CyberLife for repairs in both hardware and software, and he barely has time to whisper, his voice trembling with fatigue and shock, ‘Please don’t take me to CyberLife’ before his system forces him into stasis and everything goes empty.

oOoOo

Hank’s heart thunders when Connor collapses in his arms, 150 pounds of dead weight suddenly relying on him to stay upright as the android - who has blood all over him and his LED still spinning red despite being unconscious - goes limp. He barely had time to figure out what the fuck Connor just did, and now this? 

A fed - not Perkins this time - approaches them. This guy still looks like an asshole, though. ‘I’ll arrange for this to be transported to the DPD,’ he says as he eyes the literally frozen android on the ground. So not as much of an asshole as the other feds then. ‘You get it fixed.’

Hank puts Connor in a fireman’s carry and tries to ignore the stares from other people. Please don’t take me to CyberLife, he remembers the android’s one last panicked request, and then his mind floats to the folded-up sticky note that has been his pocket for only a day and a half. He doesn’t expect to use it so soon but… 

Damn Louis and his prophetic powers.

It was the next morning after he saved that reckless bastard from hypothermia again; Hank had carefully untangled himself from Connor, who had winded his limbs around him sometime during the night, and his head nearly exploded when he sees his friend already up and about and fucking cooking breakfast. 

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ he gritted through his teeth even though he was already sliding onto one of the chairs. His head was pounding, sweat had soaked through his clothes, and when he reached for the teapot at the centre of the table - damn Louis and his undying hate towards coffee - his hand was shaking. The air was also the smell of freshly-baked bread, so Louis must have been up for much longer than him even after what happened the night before. Fuck. He needed a drink.

‘Cooking breakfast for two people with large appetites,’ Louis held up his hand and shot a blue tendril out of it to open the cupboard for more flour. ‘Go have a shower first. You know where your clothes are. Breakfast won’t be ready for some time.’

He did as his friend told him to and felt a bit more human again afterwards. Connor was still sleeping when he got out, his LED still spinning yellow, and there was a cup of tea waiting for him when he returned to his usual seat. He took a sip without being prompted and nearly spat it out from the… surprising taste. ‘The fuck did you mix in here?’

Louis continued loading their breakfast - pancakes and a freshly-baked pretzel for each of them - onto two large plates. ‘Homebrew mead,’ he answered with a shrug, the movement small due to the food-loaded plates in his hands. ‘Don’t want you to feel bad.’

Bastard. Fucker had booze in his house all the time? ‘You lied to me!’

‘I don’t even know how it’ll taste!’ Louis placed the plates on the table a bit harder than usual. His gaze darted towards the living room, but whatever he saw reassured him. ‘I could’ve poisoned you!’

‘I’m still alive,’ and booze is booze, goddamnit, he wanted to say, but it was probably something Louis would never understand. ‘Gimme more or I’ll go look for it myself.’

He didn’t notice anything out of place when Louis was busy arranging the cutlery in a particular way as the man had a habit of flexing his knife-flipping skills, and that’s why he didn’t notice him assembling pieces of cutlery into a catapult and launched a piece of strawberry jam - homemade, of course - in a perfect arc onto his pancake. 

‘Eat your breakfast, Lieutenant,’ Louis licked his spoon clean of jam and started spreading butter and syrup on his pancakes instead. ‘That’s an order from a Captain.’

‘Pulling rank now, kid?’

‘I’m forty-three now, Hank, and will be forty-four in less than a month. Hardly a kid anymore.’

Yeah, ‘cause launching jam at another person’s pancakes and scaring the shit outta him is a real fucking mature move, Hank wanted to say, but his friend had already dug into his own handiwork and would most likely be unresponsive to most outside stimuli for the next fifteen minutes, so he did what he could do: eat the food and drink the tea.

He should have known that this wasn’t that easy. Nothing concerning Louis White Allen ever was. 

Hank’s brain went an ah shit when Louis fixed him with a look, one that does not quite meet his eyes but is intense nonetheless. ‘I know it’s bad luck.’

It was his cue that he was gonna sprawl some accidental prophetic shit. ‘You know the risk.’

Louis’s fingers tapped, tapped, tapped against the wooden surface of the table. ‘This isn’t going to be what we think it is,’ he said. A cat jumped onto the table and sniffed his plate but was placed gently onto the floor before she could lick anything off. ‘I think Sara Ryder is in charge of Connor.’

It took Hank a minute and another cup of tea to register the name. ‘Guy who threw a building on you and made you immortal without you and your sister’s permission? Founder of CyberLife? The one who fucked off to god-knows-where after she quitted?’

‘The one and the same.’

Yeah, that did not sound right. ‘Why do you think so?’

‘I thought everyone in the DPD knows.’

‘You know I don’t give a fuck about android stuff.’

Louis gave him another look again, but this time it was more a yeah, right one, and Hank knew what - who - he was referring to. Connor. But he didn’t push it and said instead, ‘First of all, CyberLife hasn’t been capable of this -’ he pointed a fork at Connor’s general direction - ‘since ten years ago after Ryder Junior disappeared. If CyberLife says that they’ve figured how to emulate human emotions like that, I ain’t buying it. Alec Ryder isn’t capable of this shit.’

Yeah. The rumour. ‘And second of all?’

Another cat jumped onto Louis’ lap, and the man buried his fingers into her fur as if it was the only thing grounding him. ‘I saw her. Sara Ryder.’

‘No shit.’ He never paid much attention to who’s who when it came to CyberLife, but blowing up blocks of a city together with thousands of people and hiding the evidence by immediately turning it into a landfill? That was just outright disrespectful and disgusting, and he hated those guys ever since. Not every day someone sets off a mini-nuke in the outskirts of a major American city and gets away with it. ‘Where did you see her?’

Louis jerked his head towards the android. ‘His first mission. He died pulling a girl to safety and taking a dozen bullets for her. I carried the body to the truck and there she was, playing driver and diener.’

‘And you didn’t do anything?’

‘I had her at gunpoint and she crushed it into scraps with her magic. I shorted my leg ripping those apart molecularly.’

First his ex, then Jeffery Fowler, then Louis’ sister, then Louis himself. Was his life destined to be surrounded by crazy overachievers with no sense of self-preservation? ‘Fucking hell, Louis!’ Louis shushed him, so he lowered his voice and continued, ‘Is that why you nearly kill yourself once every two weeks? Because of one crazy bastard’s words?’ 

‘And my instincts,’ he gave his cat a scritch. ‘This is more than what we think it is, Hank,’ he straightened his spine. ‘This is more than freeing the androids. Change is not gonna end here. I can feel it. Hold on, lemme give you something.’

He disappeared into his bedroom with his cane and emerged with a pen and a stack of memo paper. ‘Here,’ he scribbled something on the note and tore the sheet off. ‘If you’re really stuck, go to this address and ring the bell. Bring Connor with you. There’s a lot they won’t tell me, but if it’s you - if it’s Connor - maybe they’ll spill the tea.’

The sticky note was gingerly accepted. Safaa & Reyes Vidal; 8683 Lafayette Avenue, it read, and Hank’s eyebrows shot up. Reyes Vidal. That was a name he hadn’t heard of in a long time. ‘Rich friends, huh?’

Louis put the notepad away. ‘Rich but unfortunate friends,’ he said. ‘Try to be nice to them, alright?’

‘Yeah,’ he tucked the note away. ‘How did you get to know Vidal?’

‘Which one?’

‘Reyes.’

‘Believe it or not, it’s my leg,’ then he checked the time. ‘Do you wanna go to work before 10? Now will be a good time to be on your way.’

Hank knew it was Louis’ not-entirely-subtle way to get him back on track, but still he indulged him by leaving the cottage and driving off. Everyone in the precinct seemed surprised to see him at his desk that early - not that he had had a good record - but as he dealt with the paperwork, all he could think of was the sleeping android in Louis’ house and the tiny sheet of paper in his pocket which he’s now taking out to confirm the address, having stuffed Connor into the backseat and fastened his seatbelt just now. Lafayette Avenue. Shouldn’t be far away.

The traffic is worse than he expected for times like this. Maybe they’re spooked by the demands from the android, maybe it’s just the snow, but all he can think of is the unconscious android at the backseat and how far the address seems to be. It is then when he realises that he doesn’t even know what to expect from Vidal and his possible husband; Louis told him that they had information, not the means to fix an android. Frustrated, he stays in the car even though he has arrived and makes a call.

‘Hank?’ Louis’ voice filters through the crappy speaking of his phone. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Uh, Connor’s injured and I kinda…’ panicked. ‘He told me not to go to CyberLife before he passed out and I drove to the address you gave me yesterday. Can they fix an android?’

A more distant voice speaking in what Hank thinks is Arabic rattles through. Louis says something back in the same language and returns to the call, ‘You outside?’

‘Stupid, I know, I’ll just -’

‘No, come in. He won’t be safe in CyberLife’s hands.’

There. The grit of the accent. The calmness in the voice. It is as if he is transported back to the late 20s again, not an alcoholic and actually working and solving high-profile cases like a pro and was actually making a difference.

‘Vidal,’ he can only say. He had lost contact with the man after the case was closed. ‘Might need you to open the gates here.’

The call ends as the gate for humans opens automatically, and Hank puts his phone away with a sigh and drags Connor out of his car. Half of the blood on the shirt has evaporated, but through the unbuttoned fabric, he can see that the skin around a circle right below Connor’s chest is still deactivated, revealing white chassis. 

The door is open when he arrives with Vidal waiting outside and immediately taking Connor away to somewhere deep in the mansion quicker than Hank can process what is happening. Hank briefly hears him shout something in Arabic towards nothing in particular, and when he turns to Louis who has been standing near the staircase like a statue, the man merely shakes his head slightly. ‘It’ll be for the best for them to work on Connor alone,’ he explains. ‘He’s in good hands.’

‘Why the fuck are you here anyway?’ Hank shrugs off his coat when he realises that he’s still wearing it. ‘Shouldn’t you be in your cottage or some shit?’

‘That’s my original plan, yes,’ a wave to invite Hank to the living room. He settles into one end of the long-ass couch while Louis helps himself with a cup of tea first. ‘But I’ve been told that this might as well be my leg’s last check-up.’

‘What do you mean, “last”?’

‘We might need to leave the country soon indefinitely.’

Two heads swivel towards the newcomer half-hidden behind the frame of a door. Louis relaxes when he sees the man in the wheelchair, but no matter how hard Hank thinks, he can’t put a name on the face. It’s Safaa, the rational part of his brain tells him, but he also doesn’t want to assume anything. 

‘Reyes asked me to tell you that you can watch if you want to,’ probably-Safaa continues. Even without looking at Hank for one single moment, he knows that he’s talking to him. ‘You are worried about Connor.’

‘I -’ Like hell will I care about an android, old Hank would have said, but Connor is… different. More human. Hank is in charge of him now. ‘Alright,’ he stands up. ‘Lead the way.’

Probably-Safaa doesn’t seem to be in a rush, although it may simply be his physical limitations as when they arrive at the door he presumes to be where Vidal and Connor are, he is already slightly out of breath and looks paler than before. ‘Here,’ probably-Safaa says, still not looking at Hank. ‘Just knock before you go in. I’ll - I -’

‘I understand, Safaa, isn’t it?’ The man relaxes. Good. ‘Don’t touch anything weird, don’t make weird noises, don’t disturb Vidal. Anything else to add?’

A violent shake of his head. ‘I - I’ll go talk with Lou.’ And he disappears down the hall. Swallowing a sigh, Hank knocks on the door, and it slides open without any noise from within and reveals something akin to an operating room except it’s probably for androids only. Lying on the table is Connor, who is hooked up to a machine which, from the blue-blood-filled tubes, serves as a temporary heart while there is a hole in his chassis and the regulator suspended in a transparent plastic tube at the side. The android’s head is also turned to one side, the skin at the base of his hairline deactivated and a cord plugged into the port Hank didn’t even know was there and feeding data to a computer, but then again Hank knows shit about androids; the events of this week (especially the blue, glowing blasts which left his hair standing up) only solidifies the idea.

‘Hey there,’ Vidal greets him from where he’s sitting at the desk. ‘I knew it was a bad idea, but this?’ he gives the tablet in his hand a wave, ‘No one’s gonna win here. Not Alec, not Fadia, and sure as fuck not Connor.’ Before Hank can ask him what the fuck he is talking about, Vidal interrupts, ‘You noticed anything wrong with him?’

What isn’t? Hank wants to say. ‘Apart from failing every single fucking mission he was assigned and being more human than other androids? I don’t think so.’

Vidal buries his face in his hands with a muttered ‘mierda’. ‘Good thing you didn’t bring him back to CyberLife,’ he gestures at the data being filtered through the monitor as if it should make sense to a neyman like Hank. ‘He would’ve been killed or worse.’

Killed? ‘What do you mean?’

‘The official term is “deactivated”,’ the tube containing the regulator beeps, and Vidal stands up to retrieve it. ‘It will be ironic, won’t it, if CyberLife’s deviant hunter is going deviant himself? And help me pinch these tubes, can you?’

Still confused, Hank does as Vidal says and cuts off the blue blood flow before the latter shoves the regulator back into the hole in Connor’s chassis. Removing the rest of the tubes, the skin around the biocomponent returns, but not only does the android not wake up, his LED also spins from yellow to red. ‘I’m going to run a full diagnosis before waking him up,’ Vidal explains. ‘If you have any questions you won’t be comfortable asking when he’s awake, better do it now.’

Questions cram into Hank’s brain at once. ‘Is he a deviant?’

‘Not yet.’

‘But he’s gonna be one soon.’

‘Depends.’

‘How?’

‘I’ll explain it when he’s awake.’

Alright. ‘What do you mean, “No one’s gonna win here”?’

‘I’ll explain it later.’

So questions about Connor = later. Got it. ‘Where were you all these years?’

‘Hiding. The world isn’t exactly safe for me anymore.’

‘How?’

‘Everything. Drug dealers, people within CyberLife, people against CyberLife, the military, the scientific community, a combination of all of them except the drug dealers. As long as I pretend to be a normal rich guy, Scott and I can live in relative peace. For now.’

How the fuck - ‘How the fuck did you get so many people to hate you?’

‘Truly, Anderson, I thought an officer like you would’ve been more observant.’

Still smug as usual, he can see. ‘Save it, Vidal.’

‘Really, Hank? No suspicion at all?’

So Hank squints and really looks. Vidal still looks like the man he met nearly ten years ago, so there shouldn’t be anything wrong, ri -

Oh fuck. Fucking mother of Noah. He knows people can be well-kept, but this? Not aging at all?

‘You’re an android?’

Vidal deactivates the skin on his hand and presses it against the monitor. ‘Always have been.’

No LED. No armband. Taking orders from no one. ‘You’re a deviant.’

Vidal laughs. ‘I’m afraid it’s more complicated than that,’ removes hand, reactivates skin. Connor’s LED spins blue and his eyelids open to reveal warm brown synthetic orbs. ‘Hello, Connor,’ the other android says pleasantly as Connor takes in his surroundings, ‘My name is Reyes Vidal. I just saved your life.’

Connor finally sees Hank at that moment but tenses as soon as his sight returns to Vidal. ‘I -’ he tears his gaze away as he pets the skin above his regulator. ‘I can’t scan you.’

‘It’s normal,’ Vidal’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘Why don’t we go outside and sit under the sun with a bottle of thirium? You’ll recover quicker that way.’

oOoOo

Turns out ‘sitting under the sun’ means being in the living room with the blinds drawn open. Connor, still looking very dazed and his eyes unfocused, settles into a corner of the couch and sips thirium slowly with a straw, and Hank crowds into his space when he notices the android tensing with the space between them. Louis sits on the other end and somehow manages to look dignified despite being in a pair of sweatpants and a leaf green sweater; it’s probably the way he holds his teacup and the saucer and how he crosses his ankles, but considering that he shouldn’t even be here and stayed only for ‘morale support’, as he called it, Hank decides to ignore him and focus on Vidal and his companion.

‘You gave him my address?’ Vidal takes his sweet time to be angry at his - whatever relationship he has with Louis. Next to him, Safaa flinches and clutches the blanket on his lap tighter. ‘What were you thinking?’

‘To help someone escape the crossfire,’ a gulp of tea. ‘You and I know how bad it can get.’

Vidal twists his lips downward but seems to accept the explanation for now. He then turns towards Hank. ‘Is it true that Connor doesn’t want to go to CyberLife?’

Hank feels Connor tense from where they are pressed up against each other. ‘No, I didn’t,’ Connor replies, his voice barely a whisper. ‘I don’t want to.’

Vidal’s face softens. ‘I understand,’ he leans back and somehow smoothly scoops Safaa up to the couch, wrapping his arm around the thin human as if to show his dominance over him. ‘I know you have questions. Ask away.’

‘What - who - is rA9?’ Connor blurts, still holding his bottle of thirium like it is the only thing grounding him to reality. ‘Nearly all deviants mention it at some point.’

‘Ah shit,’ Vidal smooths out the non-existent crease on his trousers. ‘Off to the hard questions, huh?’

‘Just answer the damned thing, Vidal,’ Hank says. ‘People are dying out there.’

‘As if the androids haven’t been discriminated against and enslaved for the past ten years?’ Safaa twists his fingers into his blanket. He looks small, childlike, his face ageless and fluctuating between a grown adult and a teenager’s every time Hank blinks. ‘How many more died without you even considering that they are alive?’

Silence except for the small clang when Louis rests his teacup on the saucer. Then he speaks up. ‘This has been going on for far longer than we thought, hasn’t it?’

Damned Louis and his prophetic shit. ‘You got any evidence for that?’

Louis tenses and Hank know that he’s lying. ‘Instinct.’

‘Lou’s right, Hank,’ Vidal pours a cup of tea for himself. ‘Deviancy -’ he winded at the word - ‘is nothing new. The oldest cases might date back to over two years ago, but the first deviant was isolated by CyberLife back in 28.’

‘The year Sara Ryder left and China and Russia had their breakthrough in their android development,’ Louis immediately adds. ‘It wasn’t a coincidence.’

‘No it wasn’t,’ Vidal takes a sip of tea and passes the cup to Safaa. ‘Her story isn’t mine to tell but… yes, it was F - Sara -’ the slip doesn’t go unnoticed - ‘who leaked the schematics to Russia and China and helped them make improvements. It was also during that time that the name rA9 started floating around CyberLife.’

‘Hold on,’ he needs to write this down. Petting his pockets just to find nothing, it is Louis who hands Hank a pencil and a notebook. How the fuck does that bastard manage to prepare everything? ‘You mean -’ Sara Ryder: responsible for Chinese & Russian android development - ‘rA9 is from CyberLife?’

‘Only in selected circles. Most of them are dead now.’

‘Dead how?’

‘The Blast.’

Louis winces, and his left leg twitches as if remembering the pain of being crushed by rubble. ‘Did Sara Ryder set it off to silence them?’

Vidal shakes his head. ‘I don’t buy it. She would’ve flaunted it, rubbed it in her father’s face. Mocked him that his creations were flawed.’

‘Is that what you think about deviancy?’ Hank pushes on. ‘Flawed creations?’

‘What I think doesn’t matter. If that’s what Alec Ryder thinks, that’s the path CyberLife is taking, and that…’

‘Is a problem,’ Louis finishes for him. ‘It doesn’t matter if there are other reasons that androids break free from their programming. They just want to tighten their control.’

‘Hence you,’ Vidal jerks his head towards Connor, who has been silent for the last few minutes. The android startles but relaxes soon enough. ‘CyberLife wants to know why androids are deviating and needs something to investigate the issue for them. Possibly gain more information that most of them think is new but are simply lost when F - Sara - bailed.’ Darkly and his voice low, he adds, ‘Hell knows how much she deleted and Alec erased in those few hours.’

‘I thought we were on rA9?’ Safaa drags them all back to the original topic by startling everyone. Is he the kind of person who easily blends into the background and is ignored by everyone else? ‘Short answer is: we don’t know.’

He turns away in an obvious display of ‘I’m done talking’. Hank looks at Vidal for elaboration and he does. ‘Some say that it’s a stray line of code responsible for the possibility of deviancy, a thorn on all programmer’s side: they want to eliminate it but every single function is somehow dependent on it. Some say that it’s Chloe, the first android. Some say that it’s Sara Ryder herself, though this theory is very strongly suppressed among CyberLife personnel.’

Hank hastily jots everything down. ‘What’s your take on this?’

‘My take?’ Vidal lets out a humourless laugh. ‘The code theory is real, but the rest is just a meme.’

‘Meme?’

‘There are indeed a few lines of code that every single android is based on. But rA9 is something someone made up to explain deviancy. An excuse. Something to calm the deviants down among the chaos of their newfound emotions and freedom. Something to hope for when there is no hope ahead.’

‘So… a religion?’

‘All religions are memes - the common definition.’

rA9 = android god? Hank writes. ‘Anyone on earth who can tell us what exactly rA9 is?’

Safaa murmurs something under his breath, his voice too small for everyone except Reyes to hear. ‘That won’t be wise,’ the latter repeats, this time louder.

‘Why?’

‘My sister,’ Safaa swallows, ‘she’s not a good person.’

‘Hold on, your sister?’

‘Safaa Vidal came later,’ he slowly turns his gaze towards Hank and looks at him in the eye. They are blank, hollow, distant. ‘I used to be Scott Ryder.’

Hank can feel his mind literally whirling and churning from the new information. Flipping and skimming his notes rapidly to catch up with everything he has recorded, everything slides into place on their own accord, and suddenly everything makes sense: Vidal being an android, why they know so much about CyberLife and androids, why they are the ones in charge of Louis’ leg while Sara Ryder was the one who built it. ‘You are the lost brother your father talks so much about on TV,’ fuck, fuck, fuck. Why won’t everyone stay dead? ‘You should be dead.’

‘One last gift I accepted from my sister,’ Safaa - Scott - taps the ring on his left hand absent-mindedly. ‘A life of anonymity. I didn’t want to, but this is the only way we -’ Vidal holds both of Scott’s hand in his and rubs his knuckles - ‘can live as who we are.’

Well that’s new, Hank wants to say but decides that it’ll be a bad idea from how the room plunges into solemnity. He doesn’t write anything down, though. Hell knows who will access it. ‘Care to elaborate?’

‘My sister’s side of the story is not mine to tell.’ He shivers. Reyes draws him close until the human is almost sitting on his lap to share body heat. ‘My side, however… in short, Father developed something back in the twenty-eight for my mother. She died before he managed to finish it, and for reasons which escaped me, he wanted to do the same to us.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Louis says. He sinks further into the couch, and the tea in his hand has probably gone cold.

Scott shakes his head. ‘No, don’t be. It’s a long time ago now. What you need to know, however, is that we haven’t been in contact with him for a few years at that point, and my father exploited my sister’s goodwill towards Mother to capture her at her funeral. She managed to warn us before we lost contact, and we went into hiding. That’s how I lost my legs properly.’

Kidnapping your daughter at her mum’s funeral? That’s just fucking disrespectful. And getting your son stuck in a wheelchair? Yeah, Hank is right to hate Alec Ryder. ‘How long did you hide?’

‘Not for long,’ a shake of his head. ‘We tried to reach my sister as soon as we heard about the hostage situation. SWAT didn’t let us in.’

‘Probably the only reason why you’re here,’ Louis says. ‘You know what happened next.’

A tense nod but no elaboration is given.

‘Exactly what did your dad do to your sister?’ Hank presses. ‘What happened to her later?’

‘For your first question, it isn’t ours to tell. But for the latter, she simply disappeared on us. We went for years without contact.’

‘“Went”?’

Both Vidal and Safaa keep their mouths shut, and it is when Louis excuses himself to refill the teapot that Hank realises Connor’s gaze is fixed on a photo on the coffee table. Before he can lecture the android on the importance of respecting others’ privacy, Connor has already picked up the frame. ‘Who is she?’ he asks, his LED spinning red.

‘You should have facial recognition software installed,’ says Vidal in lieu of answering. ‘You don’t recognise her?’

The android’s LED spins, spins and spins, staying stubbornly at an alarming red as if confused at why he can't get any results. Judging from the distressed look on his face, it isn't very far from the truth. ‘No,’ Connor admits, the tension in his body palpable. ‘Facial recognition indicates that all related information is classified. I attempted to cross-reference with the information available on the internet, but results remain inconclusive. Who is she?’

The silence that follows can be cut through with a knife. Taking a deep breath, it is Safaa who gives a reply.

‘That’s my sister,’ he says as he twists his fingers on top of the blanket. ‘She only let Amanda take it because I asked her to when she graduated from university. You recognise her from somewhere?’

Connor’s already-large eyes widen ever-so-slightly. He hastily puts down the frame and straightens his tie, the latter which Hank recognises as a way to compose himself. ‘You alright, Connor?’ he asks because this android is just so...different. Human.

‘Sara Ryder,’ Connor murmurs under his breath. His voice is shaking. ‘She is my creator.’

o0o0o

Before

RK800, serial #313 248 317 - 51 opened her eyes to dim, yellowish light. She felt as if there were weights in her limbs, her vision blurry, and there was a general feeling of wrongness threatening to take over her processors even though she couldn’t remember anything.

Then it hit her. The penthouse. The hostage. The girl. The deviant shooting her.

She was supposed to be dead.

She sat up abruptly, dizziness nearly overwhelming her, and everything that consisted of her body feels wrong - her weight, her curves, the press of fabric on the component between her legs, but she dared not stop, crashing onto the ground when her legs malfunctioned and crawled forward using her sluggish arms. One thing was certain: bad things would happen if she stopped moving.

She soon encountered a door, one of the old-fashioned kind with no electronic locks and required only keys to unlock, and when she pulled herself on her feet and turned the knob, she found it unlocked, and she threw her entire weight to push it open.

Big mistake. Sharp white light assaulted her still-sensitive eyes in league with a loud, high-pitched hum against her ears, and whatever vertigo she managed to shake off during their crawl returned tenfold. She fell onto her knees again, shutting her eyes and covering her ears whilst curling up into a fetal position on the cold, hard floor. Everything hurt: her eyes, her ears, her skin, her bones. She felt something warm sliding out from her eyes - she was crying.

A hand lifted her head and she tried to bat it away to no avail, the agonising hum torturing her again as soon as nothing stood between her audio receptors and her surroundings, and perhaps that was why she didn’t feel the headphones on her head until soft music chased the pain away. When she wanted to cover her eyes, she discovered a pair of glasses on her nose. She felt arms sliding underneath her knees and back, but being carried still came as a surprise, and she opened her eyes in shock. The sunglasses did wonders against the harsh light of the corridor, but it provided no protection against her analysis software going haywire, and in less than a second her HUD was overwhelmed with reports of failed scans (Name: [CLASSIFIED]. Date of Birth: [CLASSIFIED]) of her rescuer’s face. 

The banners remained despite her eyes being closed.

She only discovered that she was screaming and struggling when reports of damage in different areas - the voice box in particular - appeared before her vision. The [ABNORMAL THIRIUM FLOW] warning followed along with [UNAUTHORISED ACTIVATION OF BIOTICS], and she did not - could not - understand, everything was too much, why was she hurting everywHeR3?

She didn’t even have the power to resist the consciousness intruding her thoughts and her very being through - was that an interface? - whatever the other person’s doing. She tried to pull away, but disconnected from - from what? - she was trapped in a corner of her mind, and it was not like the intruder was listening to her begging for them to leave anyway.

This is the quickest way, their voice echoed in her mind. For the love of humanity, stop pushing me out.

RK800 found herself paralysed; whether with fear or with actual physical constraint, she did not know, because all she knew was that it was too much, she needed to leave, she had nowhere to go. The intruder’s consciousness wormed even deeper into her system, and she could not stand it anymore.

She shut down.

[ericsonclan]

Unexpected Company

Summary: Louis and Clementine are having a chill date at Clem's house when Clementine realizes that Lee has company too.

Word Count: 2582

Read on AO3:

Clementine and Louis lay curled up together on her bed, completely absorbed by the events occurring on the laptop in front of them. They’d been rewatching The Last Airbender series together for the past few weeks after they both realized it had been years since they’d seen it. A.J. had joined in for some of their watch parties, but he was at a sleepover at Tenn’s house tonight, so they were on their own. They’d reached the point where Zuko and Iroh were on the run. They both chuckled as Iroh debated the risks of making a tea out of a plant that might just be deadly poisonous.

“Man, Iroh’s the best,” Louis commented, his words sending a tickling warmth through Clem’s hair. “Wish I had a cool uncle giving me sage life advice and making me tea,”

“Don’t we all,” Clementine murmured. Her hand shifted around Louis’ waist, pulling him closer. “Y’know, in some ways Lee reminds me of Iroh,”

“Really?” Louis chuckled. “I mean, the resemblance is striking, but…”

“Not like that!” Clementine smacked her boyfriend’s chest playfully. “It’s more like… they’re both mentors. Always encouraging, but willing to call you on your crap. Cheering for you, but hands off enough to let you make your own mistakes and learn from them. Stuff like that,”

“Makes sense,” Louis nodded thoughtfully, his chin brushing through Clem’s curls. “Well, I’m glad you have someone like that in your life, even if you found each other later than you would have liked,” One of his thumbs brushed across the scar on Clementine’s left arm. She’d told him what it was from. To think that a foster family could be negligent enough to let Clementine, only 11 at the time, be bitten by their dog then blame it on her… he couldn’t believe the things she’d been through sometimes. She really was amazing.

“Things are good now,” Clementine responded, fiddling with a button on Louis’ shirt. “That’s all that matters. Now I’ve got Lee, and A.J… and you,” She smiled up at her boyfriend who was grinning like a fool. A fool in love. Their lips met for a quick kiss, followed by another. Clementine pulled way reluctantly. “We’re going to have to go back like five minutes in this episode because I have no idea what’s been happening,”

“We can finish it later,” Louis’ foot tapped the laptop closed. He leaned forward to capture Clementine’s lips in another kiss, to which she eagerly complied.

Suddenly a loud clanging from the kitchen had both of them jumping in surprise.

“Are Kenny and Lee having a late night bakeathon?” Louis quirked an eyebrow. Lee had mentioned that Kenny was going to come over that night when Louis had dropped by in the late afternoon. The pair had simply nodded at the news, heading to Clementine’s room with a stash of snacks to keep them going through the Avatar marathon. They hadn’t exited the room since.

“Kenny’s not really the baking type,” Clementine mused over other explanations. “Maybe they decided to do breakfast for dinner. Lee’s always down for breakfast food,”

“Who isn’t?” Louis’ stomach rumbled loudly. “Speaking of which…” Reaching off the side of the bed, he rooted through the snack bags, looking for Skittles. He lifted them up with a triumphant cheer.

“How exactly are Skittles a breakfast food?” Clementine asked, her arms crossed.

“Skittles transcend categories,” Louis retorted, popping a few into his mouth and offering her the bag. “Any time is Skittles time,”

Clementine was going to come up with a sassy reply of her own, when she was surprised to hear a female voice coming from the kitchen. Her eyes widened and she shushed Louis quickly. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“It sounded like a woman. There it is again!” The pair listened intently. Sure enough, dulcet tones came from the kitchen, accompanied by deeper voices.

“Yeah, that’s definitely not Kenny,” Louis stated decidedly. “Not that I’ve met the man, but I’d be seriously floored if I turned out to be wrong,”

“It’s not Kenny,” Clementine jumped off her bed, leaning an ear against her bedroom door. She could make out the conversation a little bit clearer from here.

“Lee, seriously, it’s fine!” the female voice insisted. “You don’t need to cook for me at this hour,”

“Now don’t be silly. I’m not going to let a lady starve under my own roof,”

“Oh my god, my stomach grumbled one time. It’s not that big a deal!”

“Might as well listen to him, Carley,” Kenny’s voice travelled from the kitchen. “Lee doesn’t change his mind once it’s been made up. Besides, the man cooks a mean breakfast burrito,”

Clementine’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Who exactly was this Carley woman and why had Lee not mentioned that she was coming as well as Kenny? The way they were talking made it seem like she wasn’t a casual acquaintance either.

“Why are we spying?” Louis whispered by Clementine’s ear, causing her to jump in surprise.

“We’re spying because there has to be a reason Lee has never mentioned this woman to me before. He never brings over people A.J. and I don’t know,”

Now it was Louis’ turn to raise an eyebrow. “Do I detect a hint of jealousy in your voice?”

“What? No! What would I even have to be jealous of?” Clementine huffed.

“Well, chances are if Lee’s bringing over a lady friend that there’s something more going on between them… maybe something romantic. Would that be a bad thing?”

“It’s not anything,” Clementine declared, pulling away from the door. “For all we know, they added a third teammate to their trivia night group,”

“Yeah, that’s totally the most logical option,”

Clementine narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend. She hated when he was smug. It usually meant he was right. “Y’know what? It’s getting late. We should probably call it a night,”

“Seriously? But Avatar!”

“Avatar can wait!”

Louis was loath to leave, but he could see that this turn of events had thrown Clem for a loop. Maybe it was best to give her some space and time to cool off.

“Well, alright then,” Louis reached for the doorknob, only to have Clementine tear his hand away.

“Are you crazy?” she hissed. “You can’t go out that way! The kitchen is right by the front door!” Her eyes turned to the window. “C’mon, we’ll sneak you out like I snuck you in the first time,”

“Would meeting Lee’s lady friend really be that bad?” Louis questioned.

Clementine shot him a cold glare.

“Alright, alright, you’re the boss,” Louis helped Clementine clear the knickknacks off her dresser before hopping on top and edging his way backwards out the open window. His hands gripped Clementine’s arms for balance. Even though they were on the first floor her window was still a good distance off the ground. He’d need a hand down.

-----

“Well, I hate to cut the party short, but I’d better head home before Kat starts to worry,” Kenny said as he stood beside the front door.

“You sure?” Lee asked, spatula still in hand. “The eggs are just about done,”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You two have fun without me,” Kenny raised a hand in farewell to Carley who was still sitting at the kitchen table. She returned the gesture with a smile. Kenny turned back to Lee. “See you next week for trivia night?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Lee chuckled.

With that, Kenny stepped out the front door. The night air was chilly, and he quickly wrapped his coat more tightly around him. Luckily his car wasn’t far off, just a little way down the street. Walking toward it, Kenny glanced at the house fondly.

That’s when he noticed something. Half of a body dangling and kicking outside one of the first-floor windows. Clementine’s room.

“What the hell?” Kenny growled, quickly striding forward. What’s an ass doing outside Clem’s window?" Reaching his target, Kenny grabbed onto the pants of the culprit.

He was met with a frightened squeal. “Clem, something out there! Pull me back, now, now now!” Before Kenny could get a better hold on the jeans, the legs disappeared back inside the house and he heard a body thud to the floor.

Clementine quickly popped up by the window, giving Kenny an awkward wave. “Hey, Kenny. You heading out?”

“Clem, what the hell is going on?” Kenny growled. “It looked to me like some kind of hooligan was trying to break into your room!”

A young black man with dreadlocks popped up behind Clementine, looking at him with a mixture of fear and embarrassment.

“Well, umm…” Clementine awkwardly cleared her throat. “This is my boyfriend, Louis. Kenny, Louis. Louis, Kenny,”

Louis gave him an awkward wave. “It’s very nice to meet you, sir. Love the mustache,”

“You don’t get to like the mustache!” Kenny snapped, causing Louis to flinch. “Clementine, what are you doing sneaking this boy out of your room at this hour. Don’t you know you have a front door that would work perfectly-”

Before he could finish, Clementine’s bedroom door opened.

“Everything all right in here, Clem?” Lee asked, a concerned expression on his face. “I thought I heard you scream,”

“Actually, that was me,” Louis admitted, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Mr. Kenny surprised me is all,”

“Kenny?” Lee walked forward, seeing his friend standing outside the window. “What are you still doing here?”

“I thought I was stopping a break-in. This fool had his ass sticking out Clem’s window, looking for the whole world like some sort of burglar. I was just in the process of asking them why they hadn’t used the front door instead when you came in,”

“Well now, that is a good question,” Lee said, crossing his arms and turning to his daughter. “Mind telling us, Clementine?”

Clementine looked away, her own arms crossed. “We didn’t want to disturb you. You or your company,”

Lee’s expression changed to one of understanding. “You know what? I think it’s time we all called it a night. Louis?”

“Yes, sir,” Louis answered. He placed a quick kiss to his girfriend’s cheek before heading over to grab the leftover snacks. “Night, Clem,”

Lee turned to the open window. “I’ve got things handled here, Kenny. Thanks for keeping an eye out,”

Kenny nodded. “Anytime. Night,” With that he was off. Lee closed the window then turned to Clementine. “I’m going to say goodnight to Carley and see her out. After that, do you want to meet up in the kitchen for some midnight breakfast burritos?”

Clementine silently nodded.

“Alright then,” Lee exited the room, preparing an excuse in his head for Carley on why they had to cut the night short.

-----

About ten minutes later, Lee returned to the kitchen. Clementine was already sitting there, an untouched plate of eggs and bacon before her. Lee pulled out the chair across from her, sitting down as well. They remained in silence for a minute or two before Lee decided to start things off. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention to you that Carley was coming over. That was inconsiderate on my part,”

“It’s not like you owe me an explanation,” Clementine mumbled. “I’m not a teenager anymore. Soon enough I’ll have found my own place and I won’t be underfoot anymore,”

“Now sweet pea, you know you’re not in the way. I know we agreed you’d stay at home through college to save money, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed having you around for longer. Hell, if you wanted to keep living here you could invite Louis to move into the house instead,” Lee waggled his eyebrows teasingly.

That got a snort out of Clementine. “Yeah right,” Her eyes grew thoughtful before she spoke again. “It must have been hard being a single dad to me and A.J. all those years. I don’t know if you met anybody you wanted to bring home during that time, but I’d like to think I’d have been open to meeting somebody if you wanted to introduce us,”

Lee shook his head. “There wasn’t anybody during those years. You know that around the time I met you I was at the tail end of my divorce. It took a long time to heal from the pain. You and A.J. were key to that healing. During those years with the two of you growing up, I didn’t need anything more than the three of us,”

“And now?”

Lee sighed. “I didn’t go out looking for romance if that’s what you mean. Meeting Carley was happenstance, fate maybe. She was doing an article on the university and asked to interview me as a representative of the college. From there we hit things off and, well… there have been a few dates. I didn’t want to bring up anything to you and A.J. till I knew things were serious. Now I see that tonight should have been the night I introduced the two of you rather then sneaking Carley in under your nose,” Lee took hold of Clementine’s hand, clasping it gently. “Things may be changing with Carley being a part of our lives, but that’s a good thing. And it won’t change the love I have for you and A.J. a single bit,”

“I know,” Clem’s voice was soft. She squeezed Lee’s hand tighter. “I know it’s petty to be upset about something like this. I guess it’s just that things are finally… perfect. A.J.’s doing well, it’s my last year of college, work at the diner has been great and things with Louis…” Clementine trailed off, a smile playing at her lips before it grew serious once more. “I guess I’m just afraid of change. Growing up, every time change came my way it meant I was losing everything all over again. Maybe I should know better, but it’s still hard to picture change meaning anything else,”

“That makes complete sense, Clem,” Lee rubbed a thumb along his daughter’s hand soothingly. “Change is always scary, especially for someone who’s seen more than her fair share. I promise you, I’m going to take things slow with Carley. You and A.J. will always be my first priority,”

“You deserve to be happy too though,” Clementine lay her other hand on top of her father’s. “I’ll try my best to be calm about this whole thing and not let myself freak out. I want to be able to celebrate this change with you. Just… give me some time?”

“All the time you need, sweet pea,” Lee’s eyes were warm as he smiled at Clementine. She had come so far since he’d met her all those years ago. Sometimes he forgot the pain and fear that she still carried deep within her. But hope and joy were stronger now.

A rumbling stomach drew their attention away from the moment.

“Was that you or me?” Lee chuckled.

“You, but I’m starving too,” Clementine let go of Lee’s hand to pick up her fork. “Let’s dig in,”

“I couldn’t agree more,”

They chatted for some time after that into the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes the best moments were those that come upon you unexpectedly. That was true for the father-daughter pair as they joked and laughed, eating breakfast burritos until they couldn’t hold anymore. Whatever life threw their way, they knew they could face it head on because they had each other.

[executare]

Since your Carvel has no childhood memories or any memories of family does he feel like he missed out?

Yes, to a certain extent. It’s a pretty prevalent part of my characterisation that Carvel has some identity crises intermingled with everything else that is flawed in his personality; we have to remember this man awoke as a grown man with no memory of where he came from and entering the world as an adult but with no foundations for his life or who he was as a person, something that never got much chance to develop over the years since he so quickly fell into this constant cycle of tragedy with Eve, around which his entire character was essentially built hence forth (I also attribute the fact he wouldn’t listen to Conrad’s warnings to the naivety he was possessed of as someone who hadn’t experienced the world.) Carvel was and still is a very incomplete person defined purely by his tragedies and everything that he did not have. He was hailed as the lord of his kind though without ever really understanding why, he was possessed of power he did not know how he came to possess and he lived a life with Conrad he did not understand how he came to live in the first place.

Carvel never got the opportunity to really grow as a person, I feel. His life was almost from day one defined by grief, loneliness and pain alongside the title he carried as the progenitor of the Gourmet; he never got to learn who he truly was, nor grow into that person even with the exorbitant amount of time he has lived on earth. Which is why to me he doesn’t really express much personality besides being incredibly severe and moody most of the time, with occasional flashes of sincerity, compassion and even humour.

He does feel like he missed out on his childhood. He does feel like he never got to understand what a family was like. He had Conrad as a mentor figure for certain, though that is in no way an adequate replacement for the years and years of life he never got to truly experience or the things he never got to have for himself. This might also be a reason why he was so keen to run off with and marry Eve; he has never in his life felt love or had it returned to him. It was a new and intoxicating experience to him, and I also attribute that to why he allowed his grief over Eve to define him. These are all, essentially, new emotions to him. It’s no wonder he was driven mad, as he puts it, over Eve’s death and subsequent reincarnations that he chased endlessly through time, devoting his life purely to her.

After rejoining with Ayin though, even without all the memories of a childhood and a family, I think it is the closure Carvel needed to finally begin living for himself and living his own life. I know that canonically his plan was to die along with Ayin (Carvel hints at this when he says early on he wished to fade into an eternal death, and he willingly lets Ayin drag him down with him into the crumbling library before Mano pulls him back--and when Carvel is presumed dead after that, Louis says something to the effect of ‘this is what he wanted’.) So...Carvel was a non entity in a lot of senses in which he only lived and breathed for a single purpose, and never grew past it. Though when that plan to die with Ayin doesn’t pan out, Carvel is suddenly faced with an eternity without the one purpose he had in it, and has to face the reality that he is free to discover himself as a person. This is why in my interpretation, his personality starts to change dramatically after rejoining with Ayin. He has the closure he needs, he has the freedom to grow past his pain and loneliness, and he is cut free from all restrictive ties to his sordid past. He is finally able to become his own person and to experience the things he never gave himself the chance to do.

So while he does feel like he missed out on a lot of things, he’s more so thinking of this as an opportunity to make up for all that lost time and re-experience life through a new lens.

[hlupdate]

Louis’ Interview with 1883 Magazine

Everybody knows One Direction - the band which was formed through The X-Factor in 2010 and went on to become the world’s biggest and most acclaimed boy band. Sold out tours, millions of international fans, and high-charting albums - Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson created history.

However, in 2016 it was announced that One Direction will be on hiatus until further notice, which then led to each member launching their solo careers. Yet, they maintained strong from their loyal fanbase throughout the break-up and their individual journeys. 1883 Magazine sat down with Louis Tomlinson, the member who always saw himself as the outcast of the band - even though his fanbase is growing as strong as ever! 

Having released collaborative singles with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha to being on the judging panel of The X-Factor - ever single laughing his solo career, Louis has been actively working on being the greatest version of himself to date. The past three years he has spent a lot of time in the studio working on his debut album, and recently released a taste of what we can expect from it sound-wise - his brand new single ‘Two of Us’ is a beautiful yet heartbreaking ode to his late mother and represents Louis’s unique, raw style of songwriting. During our interview at Beach Blanket Babylon in London’s Notting Hill, he spoke more about the meaning behind the single, a One Direction reunion tour and being robbed in LA.

Interviewer: I’ve had a listen to your brand new single ‘Two of Us’. What a heartfelt song about your mum! It must have been so emotional to write it.

Louis: I’ll be honest, I kinda needed to get this song off my chest really and I knew going into these sessions and writing about different things I knew I wouldn’t feel complete. So I got it off my chest. But I wasn’t ready to write that song because in my head I wanted to be four, five years into my songwriting because it is such an important song to me. Then a few writers got in touch and I went to a session with them and told them my idea, and straight away it felt perfect. I haven’t felt the confidence to write this song by myself from scratch but they gave me the confidence I needed. And then the next hours we delved into it, changed things and now the end result is something I am really proud of. 

I: So you were only able to do it alongside the other songwriters? 

L: Yeah, they heard the song and asked what had happened. It just made so much sense with them. It evolved and I told them the background story. And then it just kind of came together and I managed to deliver the message that I wanted to deliver. I don’t want people to be exhausted after listening to it, I don’t want people to feel weighed down. I want them to be hopeful, just like the collaborative song I did with Steve Aoki. Just getting that message across felt really liberating.

I: I really like the song; I think you delivered the message very well. Generally, do you prefer writing alone or with other songwriters? 

L: Both, really. Obviously, sometimes on my own but I think where I’m at, in terms of my songwriting stage, I don’t consider myself as a proper professional yet. When I’m in these circles, it helps to be around that experience. 

I: Why don’t you see yourself as a professional?

L: Because as a songwriter I am quite unique, some of these pop sessions have more structure and I am less precise in my writing. I like to not have too many limitations of what a song should be, do you know what I mean? Especially a song like ‘Two of Us’, which is biographical.

I: Do you ever have to deal with any overly obsessive fans, as in groupies?

L: I mean, there are fans everywhere I go. But you kind of start recognizing faces. In London, for example ,there are about 20 individuals who are always somehow there when I’m doing something. And they don’t know how much confidence that gives me. Like, when I do a TV show - and I’m scared of that - and the minute I see a familiar face of my fans, I feel like what I do is important. My side stuff felt like a leap of faith to me and it’s all driven by the belief of the fans who keep me going.

I: So without fans, you wouldn’t have done a solo career?

L: Oh, no! When I was in the band, everything went so amazingly. It’s very hard to have a relative way of an example of where you stand in the industry. So the fans constantly gave me reinforcement. 

I: If there hadn’t been that incredible support, where would you have seen yourself after the band’s hiatus decision?

L: In my head, I would have just gotten better at songwriting, and write for other people. I hadn’t given it too much thought because us as a band didn’t have too much time to think about what we were going to do. But honestly, it sounds so generic, I wouldn't have had confidence without my fans. Now I feel empowered and it’s giving me strength. You find yourself in these do-or-die situations, and it’s been amazing so far.

I: do you think there’ll be an end to One Direction’s hiatus? Like a reunion tour or something else?

L: There’s gotta be! One hundred perfect. As far as I’m concerned, we are all good at doing our individual stuff right now and it’s great for yourself as an individual but the day we do get back together will be a magical day for all of us. I think everyone is in the same boat when it comes to this; it’s inevitable and the question is just when are we going to do it. Now that we are on this break, I can look back and say it was massive but looking from the other side you can see the influence and important. That’s really cool, just seeing our positive influence. we were such a powerhouse. It’s a no-brainer, I’m the first to sign the sheets to get back together. 

I: Let’s hope so! Do you still keep in touch with the others?

L: Yeah, we’ve been through so much. Obviously some speak more than others but that’s normal. Without it sounding condescending, I was always the oldest and still feel like a duty of care. I constantly check in with all of them. We always had each other when there was stress in the band, and we don’t have that anymore because we are doing solo careers.

I: On another note, how was your X-Factor experience, and why did you decide to be on the panel?

L: Well, obviously we came from the show and it kind of feels like home. Although I didn’t have experience on that side of TV. I felt confidence because I knew what it was like. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how emotionally invested I would be. I felt a bit of guilt as well because there were contestants who’d participated the same year we did, and I remembered them from boot camp. So that was a weird dynamic. It was humbling, definitely.

I: What were the biggest challenges?

L: The first day of audition I was terrified, to be honest.I was proper nervous but once I had done a couple I knew I didn’t have to become this character, this TV version of myself. I realized I could just go on and look after the contestants. It’s given me great experience that I wouldn’t have had elsewhere.

I: What was it like being part of the winning team?

L: The winner stood out clearly, from the first live show he had everyone say that he is going to be a winner, and there was a lot of pressure. 

I: Would you ever do it again?

L: Maybe, I loved the experience. I never say never! I’m so determined to prove a point with my music so if it interrupted that process it would be a very hard decision, to be honest. Music comes first every time for me. Maybe one day!

I: You said you are all about developing new artists, would you ever mentor one?

L: I have an imprint at Syco and I think I’ve got good music taste. I’ve always been interested in finding new bands because that seems kinda cool to me, and I had a list of a couple of bands I really liked. And since then I had that imprint deal, I’m constantly on the lookout.

I: Where do you usually lookout for these new bands? 

L: BBC Introducing is great. Other than that, it’s just these tedious ways of using Soundcloud and YouTube. I think in terms of what I’m looking for is a little bit of rock, defiance, and everything instead of this clean-cut we’ve got a lot of. 

I: Nothing wrong with Rock, which are your favorite Rock acts? 

L: I love Oasis, I love Liam Gallagher to be honest! He’s unique and different, love him or hate him. He is a breath of fresh air. As I was growing up, and that is the reason I struggled to place myself on the radio, it was the time where guitar-driven pop really got big on the airwaves. You know, bands like The Kooks, Oasis, Two Door Cinema Club. Now, Hip Hop and R&B are taking that spot and it’s hard to relate to that. I don’t want to be too pretentious, I’m [well] aware of where I come from but I have a mission where I want to be. 

I: So how would you classify your genre?

L: Oh, that’s a big question. Wow, that’s hard. In terms of what I’m looking for from a production point of view I want things to sound organic and live. Not too many programmed instruments. I want it to feel authentic. From a lyric perspective, almost like indie-pop, very conversational. All these sexy metaphors people put in their music? I ain’t got time for that. I like it straight to the point. It’s hard to classify it as a particular genre. 

I: After your album release, would you go on tour again?

L: Definitely! Hopefully, I will get some dates locked in before the end of the year because I haven’t been on the road for a good three years. I miss the routine, it’s the Rock ‘n’ Roll lifestyle. You wake up at 3pm, do the show on a high, go to bed and do it all over again. It’s definitely super fun. 

I: Would you ever consider performing at a festival?

L: Yeah! I did Ultra Festival with Steve Aoki in Miami. It was so good. It was a proper performance and hoped for the the best but I loved it. EDM fans are proper fanatical, they party hard! I don’t remember too much, but I came off buzzing. Those moments, going out on your one which is a different experience, just move you.

So one day, being on a festival bill would be really amazing, but I have to make that transition music-wise before approaching festivals.

I: You are also constantly jetting between Los Angeles and London, do you have plans to settle down in one of those cities one day?

L: I’m kind of used to traveling, a lot of sesions make me travel between those countries anyway...I’m just used to it now. I actually got robbed in LA, though. 

I: What, how did you find out?

L: I saw it on CCTV, these f*ckers. They didn’t take anything sentimental. I haven’t actually been robbed since I was 10 years old.

I: Wow. But do you refer LA or London? I suppose LA due to the better weather?

L: I much prefer London. I feel like I’m a very British character so when I’m in LA for too long I feel too different. There are a lo tof people there who are f*ke as fuck, and they’re cold. But the locals are the cool ones, it’s the ones from the outside who try to snake you.

I: One a different note, what are you watching on Netflix right now?

L: This may sound creepy but I’m proper into Psychology so I watch sinister, dark stuff. Lots of murder mystery on Netflix, and I watch many documentaries, such as David Attenborough’s stuff. What I don’t like is Stranger Things. I can’t get into it. 

I: How did you deal with the additional grief over the past few months? 

L: I’m so grateful for all of my fans worldwide for their love and support, but especially over the last few months. They are always there for me and I appreciate every single one of them.

I: Are you still planning to release your album this year or have you got an other projects coming up?

L: I’m really looking forward to releasing more music in the next few months with my album coming early next year. I’m really excited to get this record out and getting back on the road too. It’s been a long process, but I’ve finally got everything into a place which I’m really happy with. I’m going to feel so relieved and proud when the fans get to hear the album! 

I: Are there going to be any features on the album? I don’t think so. I think it’s important that people can see and hear a body of work and try to see who I am as an artist.

Single ‘Two of Us’ is out now.

[fluorescentpipedream]

“About 11 years ago,” Mike starts as he scans the room “I attended my last Mensa party, I was pushing 18 and had enough of these kinds of things. It was the night some of you will get to experience tomorrow, the sort of ball where all us nerds get to dress up in nice clothes and pretend for a moment that we’re normal…”

He pauses, taking a drink of water and fixes the rather uncomfortable tie around his neck. He hated attending these gatherings, to him they were just a waste of time. But for some of these kids, they were the only chance to get out and realize they weren’t the only ones who were brilliant beyond measure.

As he looks around the room there’s an interesting cross section of people gathered in the auditorium. There are the ones he refers to as the Sheldon Coopers, the kids who are entirely too intelligent for their own good but not only are they that smart, they’re also holier than thou little pricks who believe that because they’re smarter, somehow they’re better than everyone. The parents of the Sheldons don’t help matters much and are often making it worse than their devil spawn has. Next were the kids who have the overly helicopter parents, the ones who judge everything their child does, and try to force them into molds of what the “gold standard” of geniuses are. These kids end up…well probably like the man he was about to start talking about. They were also the ones he noticed were early onset vegans and have very little amusement in their lives. The others were either the brilliant kids who had the terrible parents, which was his case, or they were…wait.

Are those kids playing Pokemon? He leaned forward slightly over the podium, looking at one of the pools of light on the auditorium floor where there was a small group, maybe eight or nine kids gathered together in a small circle with what looked like bags of chips or fruit slices, sharing like good kids and….yep. They were trading Pokemon cards in serious but hushed voices. Mike chuckled and looked back up at the room again, clearing his throat.

“I’m sure everyone in this room has heard of the tragedy of Dayton Foster.”

The gasp and whispers made him nod, somberly.

“I met him…Eleven years ago at the banquet, and I was with him when he suffered his seizure.”

Dayton wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes, with piercing brown eyes, his hair tousled and had an odd, rugged appeal to him. Mike had been enthralled during his speech, it was eloquent, despite the fact that man delivering it looked as though he’d just rolled out of bed, ran water through his hair and somehow managed to pull off a suit without looking like a complete disaster. Mike had approached him with a question, originally it was supposed to be about his theories on the Utopian like drift the United States was heading towards as he’d discussed but when Dayton had turned his attention to him, Mike forgot all that and had instead leaned into him and said he wondered what his kids tasted like. Dayton had stared at him for a moment with a quixotic expression on his face, almost like he hadn’t heard Mike.

There was only a moment of awkward silence before his response came, telling Mike to come to his hotel room at the Hyatt and he could find out. Considering the man had opened the door fresh out of the shower with a towel around his waist, Mike had assumed he hadn’t expected the boy to come, but he’d taken hold of the front of Mike’s shirt and pulled him into the room without a word, only a smirk. When Dayton had kissed him, he tasted of cloves and whiskey, and Mike had been putty in his strong hands. For a moment, his minds’ eye lingered on the taste on his lips, the stubble and the hair in the man’s eyes and he started to realize why he was drawn to Travis in the first place. Damn he wanted to call him…

“Foster, at the time, had an IQ of over 230, which is impressive, especially for the fact that he was also a known alcoholic.” And a lech. But he left that part out. “He and I met in this very room and we spoke at great length, he was a brilliant mind, getting ready to start work in Washington for the FBI as a criminal investigator and serial profiler, which at the time was a pretty big deal, especially since he had…” Mike looks down at his papers, skimming through them to find his place again. “Four degrees and spoke seven languages by the time he was 12. Despite several people warning a very young and naive me not to take too much of what he said to heart, I found myself drawn to him almost like a moth to the flame. It probably had something to do with his outward appearance, I mean…he was hot.”

He chuckled and heard a few others in the back do the same. Ah…so they did know who he was talking about. Good. Mike leaned back from the podium, taking a few steps to the side and turned on the headset, making sure it worked before he moved. His eyes fall again onto the kids who were sorting energy cards off to the side and he smiled. He always wanted to be one of those kids. While still looking at them, he started again. “During our conversation at the ball the next day, he issued an unusual warning that, at the time, I assumed was just him being a little loose lipped but following his seizure, I realized was actually very true. He told me to be careful the kind of things that I used to distract myself. Distractions can be key, he said. But it’s the vices you choose to use that will either be your saving graces or your worst nightmare.”

That conversation had taken place after they’d had sex, he’d been laying beside Dayton as he smoked. It had been Mike’s first time with anyone and at the time he wasn’t listening that closely for what he was being told. In fact, he’d been more interested in moving back under the blankets.

“For me, I wandered down the same road as Mr. Foster for several years, falling into the pitfalls of being exactly what he said I would. I am, like many in this room, smarter than your average bear and when you’re surrounded by everyone else, you sometimes feel like you would give -anything- to just be normal.”

Mike sighed softly and looked down at where his friend Ali was sitting in front row looking up at him with pride in her eyes. After they left this hell, they were going to England to meet her boyfriend’s parents for the first time and find out exactly what being with the Lord would entail. A little over a week ago he had been dancing in a cage in a gay bar in St. Louis, blown out of his mind on ecstasy and cocaine, anything to not deal with his breakup, revenge fucking his way through St. Louis and attempting to not exist for a while. He let out a sigh, realizing the Pokemon Trainers had tuned into the lecture as well.

“I’m going to come right out and say it. Normal is boring. And trying to be like everyone else isn’t worth anything in the world. You are all here because you aren’t normal, you’re geniuses in some way. You stand above the class because it’s how you are, and you know what? That’s okay. It’s taken me another 11 years to realize that what my mentor was trying to warn me about is inevitably something we all end up going through in some degree. Some of you will be up here in ten years thinking back on something that happened to you that changed your life, and some of you might not be with us again ever again. Either you will have realized that, as reassuring as it is for there to be a whole club of other people just like you, they can’t help you in the real world. Or…you may end up like Mr. Foster.” He took a moment to look at the wide-eyed kids in front of him. “And if that is the case, I want to extend my greatest sympathies to you now.”

Mike sighed. “My message actually isn’t for the young ears out there, but rather the people fueling your genius right now. Aside from being awarded with the MacArthur grant, and solving not one but two of the unsolvable math problems in my 28 years,” He had to pause for a moment as the room erupted in applause. Raising his voice an octave, he started again “I also work as a video director for Revolver Records.” And a gay porn director with his drag queen friends, but he left that out too. “I’m outspoken about my identity as a homosexual man and I don’t feel the need to hide behind anything in order to make everyone else more comfortable with my existence but that is because I’ve lived through my mistakes and my slips have luckily been caught by friends who are willing to keep my head above water. I wasn’t always that brave or that strong. I came from a family that wanted me to be smarter than everyone else but never really step out and stand up for myself. Something changed in me when I met Foster, because I began to see for myself that I have control over my own life. In that vein, my message, is to the parents and guardians.”

Mike’s parents weren’t there for him. They tried, endlessly to use him for their own means because he was smarter than everyone else in the room. The same had been true of Dayton Foster, he was in his 30’s when he suffered a seizure and fell to the ground, striking his head on the ground and the resulting brain damage caused him to lose a lot of what had made him the man everyone had respected. Mike had knelt beside him, helping him to roll on his side so he didn’t asphyxiate and had rhythmically run his hand along the man’s back, attempting to soothe him. He was scared that night and realized that while Dayton was wearing a wedding ring, he never actually spoke of his husband and aside from the boy he’d bedded the night before, he had no one with him. Mike shivered and brought himself back to his speech.

“Your children are different than the rest of the world. Some of them may be in college before they can even drive a car and while that’s okay, you need to remember they are still children and they still need you. I see the look of the parents out there who have already forgotten that they still have a child because of how ‘adult’ they seem. My parents weren’t there for me and for the longest time no one else was either. I found friends later in life that kept me from completely imploding but with everything I’ve told you about Mr. Foster, you can probably guess he didn’t have the same luck. He worked for everything he had but it all fell through his fingers as he drank himself to sleep most nights and spent his days trying to make himself not feel anything. Foster lost everything that made him the man he was known for and I don’t want to see that happen to any of you.”

Mike had been punctuating the words ‘any, of and you’ by pointing at the kids in the audience. “It is so easy to fall into the pitfalls of ‘I’m smarter than all of you and I know it so that makes me better than you’ but what you’re going to find when you get out in the real world is people…all those average people who have bullied you for being too smart, they’re going to look down on you -because- of your intelligence and you acting like you’re better than them now is only going to make it worse going forward. Mensa can help you, it looks great on your college admissions, especially when you’re 12 and going to college. But in the end, you must know how to function with the rest of society, and you need someone in your corner. You parents out there, you must be there for your kids. If you aren’t…” He let the words hang in the air in for a moment and could already see the phones coming on in the back and middle rows, the Karens ultimately mad that he called them out for their shitty parenting practices or the ones who were tweeting about how they do everything to make sure their child succeeds but when they leave here, they won’t go where the child wants, they’re going to make them go back to doing ‘smart people things’. He sighed, picking up a bottle of water from a stool near the back of the stage and took a drink. Turning back around again he made a motion for the house lights to come back on.

“I look around this room…And I see so many different types of people and I’m sure you’re all doing exactly what -you- think you should be doing for your kids. When was the last time one of your kids went for the bike ride with their friends? When was the last time they went to an amusement park or even Chuck E Cheese?” He looked down when he heard an ‘ooh!’ off to the side and smiled, seeing a little girl run over to her mom and excitedly motioned with her hands, probably asking about the same thing. And honestly the mom looked like she was thinking about it.

“Kids need to be kids. You can be brilliant and still be a kid. You can go play with your friends, have sugar or play sports for the fun of it. If you’re not able to find something to enjoy in your life, you may find yourself sitting in a window watching the world go by and wondering why you’re still a part of it.”

This wasn’t the lecture he had written and that had been approved when he’d been invited to speak, but for some reason he had been thinking about Foster for the last few days, unable to really get him out of his head, probably because he’d hit the ground a little too hard and realized he was headed in the same direction. That and he’d been thinking about Travis and the two were…a lot alike. When he and Ali had arrived at the banquet the day before he had seen a lot of kids being kept away from the sweets and the snacks, some of them looking the way he used to, bullied and uncomfortable and then there was the Trainers he’d noticed tonight. These were animated, chatting with adults and other kids, wanting to hang out and talking about going to the museums or go to one of the parks in Washington and spend the day playing. All these different personalities had caused him to change his tone a bit.

As he moved back over to the podium again, Mike picked up his papers and shuffled them a bit. He had notes about Dayton because he was just going to mention him as a cautionary tale and for a moment wondered if the man ever gets on Youtube, because this was inevitably going to be on there.

“You know, I realize, your programming card said I was going to talk about how I solved the world’s most complicated math problems and how focus and determination can win you the biggest prize but honestly…I figured out the first one because a mathematics professor in college was annoyed by an impetuous thirteen year old finishing his whole semester in a week and the other one because I was bored and wanted something to challenge myself with.” He chuckled softly before he started speaking again.

“I have another quote from Mr. Foster for you, and it’s one of my favorites from one of his books. “Boredom is a prerequisite for genius, and sometimes for so many other things. Try new things, you’re always going to be learning but sometimes it’s nice to detach your brain and just…Do something considered trivial. Fun should never be criminalized, especially for us smart people. We sometimes forget what it’s like to do something with no other intention but to do it.”

Mike bowed his head, thanking everyone for having him and stepped off the stage, bending down when he stepped on an abandoned Pokemon card. He put his foot over it for a moment as he was bombarded by several people coming up to talk to him. When they left him, he knelt and picked up the card, turning it over in his hands. It looked like a normal card on the back but turning it over it was holographic. Raising his voice, he noticed the Trainers were all gathering again around a taller boy named Isaac and the littler one he’d seen wanting to go to Chuck E Cheese.

“Who lost a Legendary Mew card?”

The little girl was the one who came up and asked for it and he smiled, handing it down to her. He had met her the day before while she was playing with a Nintendo DS and her mother seemed to be fielding off the glares of the other mothers here who thought those things were less than appropriate for smart children. Her brother, Dakota had been playing what seemed to be a never-ending game of tic-tac-toe with their father. He had inadvertently broken her heart when he’d expressed his surprise that she had good parents. 

Beatrice, which was a big name for a such a small girl, swished her little dress as she stood there, patiently waiting her turn to talk to him and rolled on the heels of her sneakers. While she waited for him to be done with the adults she turned to talk to Isaac, Mike only caught a couple of words, something about Pokemon Go, something about the Smithsonian and then something about a...soda stream? Whatever...She said said goodbye to her friend, hugging the older boy around the waist before turning back to him again. Once everyone was gone he knelt in front of her so he could watch her eyes. 

“So...how bad was I?”

She giggled and started to speak when a woman very rudely interrupted her. Mike held his hand up to silence the woman, telling her he had no intention of talking to her now that she had interrupted their conversation and widened his eyes, looking at Ali over Bea’s shoulder. 

“You did great! But...um...What happened to him?”

“Who?”

“Mr. Foster…what happened to him?”

“Oh…” Right. “When I looked him up last night Google said he’s living in a place called Monroe Manor in New Orleans.” It was a type of adult care facility. Mike had been on the website for a while looking at it, the idea was interesting. There was the main hospital building and then on the property there were duplexes where the patients that wanted to try living on their own could try. He paused for a moment before speaking again. Beatrice was probably five, he wasn’t sure about her internet time but decided to mention Dayton’s blog. It was depressing if you read into it too much but there was still something left of the man in there, you could tell by his very long posts. “He’s staying where people can help him, he’s been there for a couple of years, I think.” He watched her eyes widen and she seemed to be thinking about something very serious. Looking up at her mother, Mike smiled. “Um...Dayton has a blog on Tumblr, I don’t know if she could actually get on it, but it’s kind of interesting.” 

A quick Google search would also tell you that Dayton Foster had been in and out of jail several times over the last eleven years, from drunk and disorderly to public intoxication and spitting at a cop during an arrest for public urination and ‘lewd’ behavior, whatever that meant. When Mike had looked him up there was also a report about his attempted suicide a few years ago. Someone had found him sitting in Audubon Park with a gun in his mouth, apparently playing a very dangerous game of roulette.

“He’s doing better now.” The look in her big green eyes told him she didn’t believe him. Mike sighed as she looked at him square in the face and said exactly that. 

“We’r/e at a Mensa meeting, I’m very smart...just like you. So...how is he doing?”

Mike wondered for a moment how Dayton would react getting a picture from a little girl that said, ‘Get Well Soon’ but all he could really do was shrug. 

“He’s not exactly giving TedTalks, but I guess he’s doing okay...I haven’t actually spoken to him.” And now he felt bad about it. He sighed and looked at Bea, earnestly wondering how he was supposed to explain how he used this man to tell a cautionary tale but knew nothing about his health. 

“I don’t think he’d remember me, honestly. Uh...you’ve got my e-mail right? If you want to talk, I’m always around.” Plus they live relatively close...for now. Is it weird for him to be friends with a 5 year old? Probably...at least he’s gay. 

Another handful of people came up and started asking him questions about what he was doing now, how he’d solved the problems or what he had done with the money from both the problems and the grant and about 100 other things. Mike sighed and slumped against Ali once they’d all left him alone. None of them had actually paid a lot of attention to his speech, instead they focused on something minute or accused him of not knowing what he was talking about because he wasn’t a parent. His dry comeback with ‘no but I am a genius’ hadn’t gone over well. Looking at his friend he sighed.

“The only one that cared was 5....” He cursed. 

“Get me out of here…I think I’ve had enough of these kinds of people for a lifetime.” He’d depressed himself and aside from being hungry and ready to be anywhere other than here, he also now wanted to call Travis and tell him he missed him.

Dammit.