#and with spns past idk man

[sluttyrippedjeans]

Yeah the “maybe in another world, another life, we’re meant to be” tropes are great. They are sad and perfect and everything we want. But when this was the ONLY life in which it would work, the ONLY world that the angel rebelled against God, went against orders. And they STILL couldn’t have a happy ending. That isn’t just a sad storyline, that’s bad writing.

[transgendercastiel]

I literally never post traditional art because I have no idea how to take photographs but I really like this one cas so

[acesammy]

Started posting my art to twt again but I forgot that spn twt feels like a PVP enabled zone to me

[via-l0ve]

Hello! I've been binging your fics/imagines lately and I just can't get enough! I don't know if this was ever done before, but--

Could you do a general, platonic (perhaps mildly romantic, like how I see Dean kinda gushing over Y/N idk, your choice!) imagine on how the men (Sam, Dean, Castiel, maybe Crowley [which would be funny]) would react to Y/N being some kind of powerful angel, like that sits at a pretty high rank and has the power to do all sorts of stuff? Healing, destroying, anger being so destructive it could kill a human (but albeit a peaceful being). This angel would probably serve as a guardian to the Winchesters, or a superior to Cass or a complete surprise and maybe unlikely companion for Crowley? I imagine it'd be a scenario where they're saved last second during a massive fight, probably get to know er type deal. This sounds kind of cheesy as I ask someone else to write this but I hope it doesn't sound too weird, I almost wanna go anonymous HAHA. I know this is VERY specific but I don't wanna confuse you! It's something I wanna write out into a fic myself but the way you write would make it super interesting! :)

So sorry if this was too much, I'm very descriptive!

Angel. (SPN pref!) 🩷

a/n: stop omg. this idea is so cool! also - thank you for the kind words!! i appreciate you so much!! i hope you enjoy this!

warnings: slightly romantic!!

Dean:

Dean met you on a hunt

he was being himself and basically bleeding out, but he was still fighting

you, being in charge of the dink, had to come down and help out

when you appear, a bolt of white light strikes the ground and your voice projects through the atmosphere

“you will not hurt this man.” you say, hair blowing in the wind and eyes glowing

dean was flabbergasted, also a little scared, but also a little bit in love

eventually you just kill the entire vampire nest because they’re stupid and you turn to dean.

“are you okay?”

he’s even more confused because this angel just came down and slaughtered the threats to him and now they’re talking so.. nice.

you heal his wounds and boom. now he’s your friend

he follows you around like a lost puppy and also brags that he’s friends with not one, but two angels, and one is even more powerful and higher up than fucking CASTIEL.

as he gets to know you he knows how sweet you are and it inteigues him even more because - as i said, you’re a powerful angel who can kill anyone but you’re so nice to him, Sam, Bobby and Cas.

the first time he sees you angry he literally gets all red and falls for you

—

Sam:

You first met sam when he was basically bleeding out in a motel room

Dean had gone to get food and sam had been hiding a pretty nasty gash from him

so now he was sitting alone trying to patch himself up (and being unsuccessful)

so, you made your appearance and tried to keep him calm

you appeared and he saw you and went 👁️👄👁️

“it’s okay. i’m an angel. i will not hurt you.” you say softly, stepping towards him

sam is still a little wary but he lets you heal him

you press your fingers to his forehead and he’s all good (albeit a little scared hahah)

he always has the smuggest little smirk on his face when you get angry on his behalf

he likes the feeling of having such a powerful being watching over him all the time but it also makes him nervous because of… his past💀

addicts recover

—

Castiel:

When you came down from heaven to help the Winchesters and Castiel, he was happy to see you

he knew, despite rebelling from heaven, you wouldn’t judge him

he spends a lot of time near you

like, standing right next to you

i like to think that you have better “people skills” than him for whatever reason (it’s just funny) and he just kind of sticks to you ykwim

he thinks you’re so cool

he dosent step in to help you in fights because he knows you can handle it and kill anyone you want

he’s blushing and kicking his feet when he sees you🤭🤭🤭

absolute power couple if you guys got together like omg

but yeah

he always defends you if anyone says shit

he’s just such a cutie pie

—

Crowley:

you popped in when crowley was holding dean and sam hostage

you came into the room, eyes rolling already.

“let them go.” you said, voice sounding bored as you’d done this multiple times already.

crowley looks at you

“oh god, you again.” he scoffs

BUT he dosent even bother to argue and lets them go

which shocks the boys because that’s not like crowley

but he’s smitten for you

it’s giving enemies to lovers

but anyways

you guys have many encounters and end up talking a lot

crowley talks about hell and you talk about heaven

and he finds himself not hating you

and suddenly he wants to be around you more and learn about you and watch you be a badass angel

[manwiththemagic]

The writers of s11 were cowards. If IIIIIIIIIII was in charge I'd made Lucifer's weird obsession with Sam show up more. Like the writers have very obviously included it and yet when Lucifer is processing the same vessel as cas, and therefore pretending to be cas, he just fucks off and tortures Crowley with fucked up bdsm pet play.

Like the few times casifer and Sam interacted were GOLD. because Sam sees it as his best friend cas, and Lucifer (who keeps talking about Sam like they're toxic ex's) is pretending to be him!! Although not to well. Like his freaky smirk when sending Dean into the past and coming back to harass Sam? Dude lives off of sadistic pleasure.

The way he full on LAUGHS when Sam says he trusts him bc Sam thinks it's cas?? Like gold!?!? Don't know why the writers didn't do more with that.

Also why not do more with the 'lucifer sent Sam visions to get him down to hell'. Like Lucifer is Obsessed w/ sam because that body/vessel is "supposed to be" his. And yet after revealing himself he doesn't try and convince Sam anymore?

He's just given up? Like nah man I don't believe that. I feel like he woulda fucked with Sam more in cas' body. And like it woulda been a way better not-romance-romance plot then whatever the fuck Dean and Amara were..

Like that came outta no where... I mean I get it.. but ew?? We saw her grow up, and maybe id argue "well there were two versions of her!! One physical on earth, the other her actual form and memories as a celestial being!!" BUT NO. SHE CALLS CROWLEY UNCLE CROWLEY.

cause he like raised her for a day or wtv..

Idk s11 is better than s10. Like the episode from baby's prospective?? PEAK CINEMAAAA!! also not that I dislike s11, no I quite love it, I just wish the dean plots were more fleshed out, and that it was more "Dean and Sam vs the world!!" Then Dean vs Sam yk??

Like where's my dynamic duo??

That's part of why I didn't like s10. Like no I loved the IDEA of Mark of Cain dean, and demon dean was hilarious (although I HATE him) but it was just Dean vs Sam, Dean vs cas, Dean vs the world. And idk I liked the idea, cause this time it was sam doing everything to save Dean, but man I just didn't like the fighting..

Also s11 had a mention of TMNT, S10 did not so... points!!

S1 and 2 of spn were peak ofc, and s3 was good but not really memorable for me?? Idk I'll go back and rewatch once I finish the series (just finished s11)

S4 and 5 were also really good, we got Castiel who is peak, blood junkie Sam, which was one of my favorite plots!! And of course a lot more bobby. Rest in peace king!

And unlike some I loveeeed s6-7 like.. the soulless plot, and death? Dean dealing with soulless sam?? Chefs kiss I mean mwah. Then Sam tweaking because of hallucinations. NOT TO MENTION GODSTIEL?? loved him sm stg.

8-9-10 is where it kinda fell off. I mean idk the leviathans?? Weak. Hated them ngl. Idk if they were s7 but either way.. mid. I didn't like purgatory bc no way Sam would do that?? But I did like how it developed deans character..

I don't remember what happened in what season but I lovedddd kevin, hated metatron (but in the "it's because he's well done" kinda way), the tablets were aight, Mark of Cain was uh... something.. (I hate demon dean but he was peak..)

So like idk.. show is peak though, I'm just at that point in the hyperfixtion where it's like "BUT I COULD DO IT BETTER!!" ykwim?? NVM I'm sick with a fever, supernatural is all I have going for me man.

[plothooksinc]

Tagged by @loadthebases

Turns out if I search by mentions I can find it immediately! I'm so clever. (And yet. I only just went "oh hey".)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22! I am not as prolific as some-- a lot of these are one shots. |D And most of them are ancient.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

475,671!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The fandoms I write for that are published are Rurouni Kenshin, Final Fantasy VII, and TMNT '03, '07, and ROTTMNT. Unpublished I also have One Piece, Tiger & Bunny, SPN, FFXIV, annnd The Untamed, most of these just being snippets etc etc. (And then RP is another bag entirely, writing in a different format-- you can include Blade of the Immortal that way.)

4. Top five fics by kudos?

It was only recently I managed to clock the 1000 mark, and I did it on two fics at once, lmao. Uhhh--

Underdark - 1089!

No Rest For The Weary - ....1089. (You guys really are neck and neck still.)

The Zaibatsu Project - 291

Some Rest For The Weary. As A Treat. - 221

Snowblind - 174

Not altogether that bad, considering Ruroken is such a dead fandom these days. /o/

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yup. Unless someone is leaving a whole stream of one word OMG/!!!!/EEEK in which I'll probably just answer the last one they left. I did go through a very long period where I did not because I was too tired, but I started again around the 2020 mark when I actually started reading fanfiction again. And started engaging, etc etc.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I write angsty endings? :|a 404 File Not Found. I think the closest I got was the tiny ficlet I wrote for Ruroken which was just Kenshin being depressed in the rain after Tomoe's death, and I'm not sure that really counts. That was like three paragraphs of "well my life sucks" lmao. It never made it to AO3. (It's on ff dot net still, though.)

...OH. But I can tell you which one's going to have the angstiest ending and that's The Legacy. Which given the last chapter I had finished with Raph holding onto his dead not!girlfriend, I would assume most readers are not gonna be surprised by this fact. (File Soon* To Be Found.)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Idk man I tend to angle for happy endings in general, so that is very hard to answer as it comes under YMMV - people have different views of happy endings, after all. Probably Underdark as the most distinct "Yes, everything is okay now" ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nah, not really. I did have one serial reviewer that reviewed every chapter of Tanabata Jasmine back in the day with a lot of backhanded compliments and condescending comments? And one person who started off reviewing Misconduct with "well my friend told me to read this" and two chapters later said "okay I'm bored now bye", but none of this is hate. The only actual "hate" I got given was not actually ...for me? I don't think? It was someone who literally said: Why did you delete your slave fics? BITCH!! And I'm like... I have not now nor will i ever write... one of those...? So yeah. Think they mistook me for another author or something. Maybe Kikide. EH. Not my division.

9. Do you write smut?

Nah.

10. Craziest crossover?

Zaibatsu Project is a Rurouni Kenshin/Cyberpunk 2020 crossover, so that's taking all your 19th century samurai types and ditching them wholesale into 2029 Tokyo. It's fun. Maybe one day I will even write more of it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Outright? I don't think so. Buuut I've certainly had people ping me in the past to tell me someone's lifted a chunk of it wholesale or "they've written Snowblind, only with smut!" or there was one person who wrote a BNHA fic which followed the same plot of Underdark complete with dialogue borrowed directly from the fic. That last one I contacted the author and they apologised and offered to take the fic down and I told them they could keep it up provided they credit me for the inspiration somewhere. I'm sure by now some AI has scraped my stuff, but largely I write in fandoms that don't get lifted and sold like others do. And honestly, the above examples are more kinda flattering than anything else.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I believe most of my longer works have been translated into Russian, at the very least. I found Tanabata Jasmine back in the day being re-released onto a Russian forum site and I had a lot of fun translating the site to read responses (and laugh a bit at the machine translations because they kept telling me the readers were legless). Underdark has for sure. I've also found Snowblind.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote a few pages of one with @shadowbends at one point! But we didn't get far in and we both got distracted with other projects. And I also wrote half a fic to set up the other half for an author, but she didn't end up going ahead. Alas. So.... kind of?

14. All time favourite ship?

I'm honestly not much of a shipper. I mean-- actually, I ship a lot of different pairings, but only kind of superficially for the most part? Like I really enjoy reading ships but I still vastly prefer gen. I will very rarely read an outright romance fic, there's gotta be a plot. (Or at the very least some interesting smut, god.) It's easier for me to point out ships that make me go UGH GOD NO rather than a preference. (In RP I'll ship a little more if the dynamics between our characters work out really well, but I still won't be crushed if nothing comes from it. This is a hard question for me to answer. I definitely don't have an all time favourite in this lukewarm pile of ships, that's for sure.)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Any of the WIPs that I have that I never bothered publishing have been abandoned. Anything I want to finish will get finished. It will just take some time. This is assuming I have a long life; I mean, if I'm scheduled to die, say, three years from now, the only thing that might get finished is Infinite Ricochet, lmao.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Action scenes! /o/ Pacing and tension. The most common review I get is from people vibrating from delighted stress, lmao.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Connective tissue. I can get really bogged down in getting from A to B. You can really see it in the early days of a fic where I'm still writing set up and wondering how to scale up realistically to the things I really want to write. Once everything starts going wrong, it gets much easier, rofl.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Depends on context. Like many I started writing fanfic at the time people tried to pepper as much Japanese into their dialogue as possible for realism or brownie points or whathaveyou - you can see that in my first fic on ff dot net lmaooo. Don't do this. Not unless you have a foreign phrase that just loses its flavour when translated through to English. Or, alternatively, when you actually have a non-English character who keeps dropping into their own language, or some try hard teenager who keeps trying to show off how much Spanish they know, as an example. There are always reasons to do so and reasons it will work. But if you're just going "LOOK AT THE WORDS I KNOW"... I recommend not doing so, you will look back years later and go "oh god".

19. First fandom you wrote in?

....look, technically the first fandom I wrote in was Inspector Gadget self insert fic. But I was nine so I feel I should not be judged. /cough

First time I sat down to write an actual story that was based off a show was for the old Defenders of the Earth cartoon while I was ...15? And then when I moved out my one sofa chair was surrounded by notepads as I wrote out my first 1987 TMNT fanfic. I didn't know it was called fanfic back then. In fact I didn't know anyone else did it at all and I was just weird. Please understand that when I got onto the web proper in the late 90s and found fanfic sites I was over the moon.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

It's gotta be Underdark. That thing is its own island by now. It's closely followed by the more recent There Is No Gravy, which much like Underdark wrote itself and also ended up far longer than I intended. It was just fun. It was a soft warm hug for the Rise fandom, okay, I love it.

Thank you! This was fun to reminisce about tbh. :D

I tag: @calliopechild, @radishhqueen, and @bobtheacorn ♥ No pressure, have at it if you like

* please note that the author's definition of soon may vary to yours. She has 13 year breaks between chapters sometimes, after all.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Happy STS! If your characters could pick a fictional character they relate to the most, who would it be?

Happy STS! Thanks for the ask!

This is surprisingly difficult? Have to give this a lot of thought... I've decided to just find like,,, one thing where I can compare.

For Lexi, I was trying to think of a character who overstrained themselves trying to hang out with everyone, since that's her main arc of Part Two, and like the only character I can think of is freaking Pinkie Pie, at least in like one of the few FiM episodes I remember lol. But then I thought more, and realized also Mabel Pines. Her final arc was refusing to leave her friends because she was scared of the unknown.

For Maddie... I feel like maybe Tech from Bad Batch or Phineas and Ferb together. Just for the autism coding and STEM love. Can't wait until I get to write her robotics club in Part Two.

Ash...man I hate to say it: Sam Winchester pre-season five SPN and Jayfeather from Warriors but for like very specific reasons. Sam's demon blood to fuel his powers vs her probes for hers? Then Jayfeather's whole visions (ish) to the past and obsession with that and his stick are also similar.

Gwen...idk I'm feeling Remi from unOrdinary. Admittedly I am not caught up, haven't read since like 2021-22ish, but her demeanor and also vigilante work is similar to Gwen in Part 3-4 idk. Maybe Katara actually. Her maternal and empathetic instinct at a young age, but I stoke her fury later hehe.

Robbie... Idk I'm feeling maybe Percy Jackson from the ADHD + being powerful and capable and smart yet a fucking dumbass? Peter Parker? Why is this hard.

Akash is also hard but I'm going with vibes given from Sokka from atla and Gus from Psych. For Sokka it's like he's goofy but also like the braincell. Gus for the "he radiates Good Kid energy but his best friend since forever is a little chaos machine so it rubbed off on him and he looks normal next to his friend but weird next to anyone else".

Jedi... Ok I know but it's not his name - Anakin Skywalker to some extent. Like part of one corrupt organization, move to another one rip. Also a lot of trauma rooted in parents and attachments and all.

Carmen I'm feeling Pearl from Steven Universe. Admittedly I haven't seen SU but from what I can tell Pearl's obsession with Rose Quartz is similar ISH to Carmen's with Atsila, so I'll make the connection. I feel like this is a very fitting red flag.

Why was this hard it took like an hour of thinking.

Thanks for the ask though! It was fun!

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finickyfelix

[trekkiehood]

🍓 What’s a fic you’ve written you feel is underrated?

I'm going to throw out two Brotherhood one-shots that I feel deserve more love lol

Love Ruins - Dean dropping out of highschool. There's not some overarching plot or anything. But I like the idea of Dean dropping out, everyone getting on his case. And then Caleb being like "okay what really happened?"

Fading Scars - Mac finds out about Dean's s/h scars. I like this one because it's a heavy subject but I wrote it very light. Where this is a past thing that Dean wants brushed under the rug because "it was years ago man I'm fine now". This fic also plays into Active Thanatology (which I'm working on okay 😭) so hopefully people will go read it for context lol.

Overall I'm so thankful for the love I get from the Brotherhood fandom but I wish there was more engagement 😅. I might dip back into original spn just because I miss high engagement levels.... But my heart is with the brotherhood so idk lol.

[payphoneangel]

This passage for the DVD commentary 🥲🥲🥲

BIRDIE!!!! KILL ME DEAD!!!!

Ok this is going to be SO LONG but there's a lot to unpack here.

for anyone curious this is the fic I will be talking about and the ask is based off this post.

oh where do I even BEGIN with this one. Okay. Okay so for this voicemail I had a few ideas I wanted explore.

Dean's relationship to alcohol

Dean's relationship with Jack

Dean's anger

So before we get into this, i think it's important to mention that, at least to me, one of the most frustrating things about Spn is that: It loves to beg the question, but it rarely ever answers it.

What I mean by that is the show will introduce these concepts and ideas. It will say, 'hey you ever notice X?' and I go, 'woah yeah I did notice X! What about it?' and they go, 'uhhhh idk. nothing. why are you asking? shut up.'

So for example, in Hammer of the Gods, Kali has this super great string of lines where she talks about the constant centering of western ideals. She begs the question (to the narrative), Why is the christian god the most important, most powerful god? Why is He the one who gets to be The Great Creator, while every other God is watered down to a Monster of the Week? Is that ever answered? Is it ever unpacked? To my memory, no. The show just continues on as is. They acknowledge the opposition to their argument, but do nothing to refute it.

And they do this all. the. time. with characterization.

Dean's relationship with alcohol

So Dean is canonically an alcoholic. It's shown all the time, far past the 'Red-blooded All American Man loves drinking beer' type of beat. Like we're shown time and time again that Dean struggles with substance abuse, specifically with alcohol, but what is the show trying to say ABOUT it? It seems bad, in the broadest strokes. There's plenty of scenes showing Dean drinking, breaking things, driving, yelling at people, being violent. But, to what end? Once again, to my memory, Dean never gets to heal from this problem, or grow past it. You get the occasional throwaway line, like Sam chastising Dean for drinking on a case at like 10 am (you'll have to forgive me for not remembering what specific episode).

So, in my fic, I wanted there to be consequences for this. Because consequences are the soil through which characters bloom and grow. I wanted Dean to be able to see and feel and understand that yeah, this is bad. this is bad for me and it's bad for everyone around me.

By fucking up on a hunt and then fucking up the post-hunt, that's a direct consequence for him. That's a motivation for him to realize that something needs to change and that he needs to do something. (not saying that canon Dean was unaware of these revelations, but more so that the narrative didn't care to focus on them) I wanted to give him space and opportunity to do that.

2. Dean's relationship with Jack

I think one of the things the show does well is depicting the complexities of family dynamics. It's the complex father show! It's the fucked up brothers show! It's the show that went on so fucking long the brothers became fathers themselves! This is the show about viscous cycles!!!

and im going to be honest, the whole dynamic with Jack is weird. it really is the 'the most noble death in spn is to die for the winchesters' motif taken, imo, to it's most extreme. Hey guys, let's do a filicide (part 2 tbh rip emma). Jack as a character just like, to me it's just evidence of how committed this show is to NOT changing or evolving. Early seasons begs the question, 'when is a monster not a monster? When it used to be human? When its your brother? your son? When is a monster deserving of death? when it's done terrible things? or because it simply has the capacity to?' That's something Sam and Dean have to grapple with! And tbh I don't like the conclusions that the show comes to, which is 'if you are different, you are a monster.' (evidenced by how none of the special children were redeemed or just outright killed. and then Sam went on to just. stop having his powers and just got over drinking blood like okay.)

And then 8-10 years later we get Jack and oh okay we're doing this again. Alright.

So I wanted to ease back a lot of the uhhhh crueler stuff between Dean and Jack. And give them some space to heal and be on better terms with each other. A lot of their bonding happened 'off screen' in Cell service, which I tried to imply with the college plot line, the references to conversations they've had, and how Dean starts using they/them pronouns for Jack, but never really addresses how/when/why that convo happened.

But something that I DO like is the Jack/tfw parallels throughout the show! How does Jack remind Dean of Cas? of Sam? of himself? And I wanted to keep that martyrdom complex that all of tfw has in here. But that's when Dean realizes he fucked up! Kids shouldn't be almost dying for their parents!

And we see that when Sam steps in between Jack and Dean. That's Dean's moment to realize I am doing to Jack what my father did to me and I do not want that. I wanted it to be a bodily safety thing. I wanted Dean to see Jack beat up. Because how often has Dean used his own body as a shield? He knows what it feels like. I wanted him to have this moment of horror of oh. We taught you self-sacrifice. I taught you how to be a tool.

3. Dean's anger

So we have ^^^all that. And we have this moment where Dean is drunk, and he fucks up (or in his eyes fucks up) and Jack has to save him. And he's mad. But why is he mad? What is he angry at? WHO is he angry at?

Rage is very common on the show. In a lot of the high drama moments, we see a lot of anger. Dean breaking everything in a motel room, the violence, the throwing things. And in the show, I think anger is used as a catharsis in a lot of instances. SPN, to me, is an escapist fantasy about being put into situations where the only possible option is violence. The most correct and justified reaction to this impossibly unfair situation is to be violent and angry. And i think part of this is that men are taught to be violent and angry, but also shamed for their violence and anger (it's a whole double-standard thing, but i digress)

I subscribe to the idea that anger is a secondary emotion. Essentially, anger is a response (a call to action, even) to another emotion.

In a lot of the show, the emotion under anger is unfairness. So so so much of spn is this idea of 'it's a shitty situation but you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, grit your teeth, and get through it. because that's your job.' and that's fucking unfair!! That's something to get angry over!! And they do.

(Another common emotion preceding anger in the show is grief. And the grief is here. Oh, how it's here. Why was Dean drinking in the first place? Because Castiel is dead. but that's more of a theme for the fic as a whole and not this particular scene so im going to leave it here)

But to me, a very common precedent to anger is fear. You're scared, so you get angry. Anger protects.

I draw on personal experiences for a lot of my writing. Nothing is ever a 1:1 situation of my experience, but there's ghosts of myself in everything I write. This voicemail was one I drew on from an interaction I had with my own father.

One time as a teenager, on a really really hot day, I forgot my water bottle when I went to band practice and I passed out. Oops! I woke up, got sat down in the shade, a water bottle was found for me to drink. I was fine. However, the teachers didn't want me to drive myself home. Which sucked because I lived pretty far out of town. I call my dad. No answer. I call again. Nothing. I leave a voicemail.

I manage to get home (thanks to my stepmom who then left my dad a voicemail saying she grabbed me). But when my dad gets home, he's pissed. He had forgotten his phone in his car when he went into work that day. When he got in the car to drive home, he listened to my voicemail explaining what happened and asking for him to come pick me up (and then my stepmoms). So i'm sitting in our kitchen, and he's just chewing me out for being careless. and I remember thinking, why are you mad? It's not like I intended to get heat exhaustion. And then the more I listened to him, the more I realized. He wasn't actually mad at me. He was worried about me and upset with himself. He felt awful that he hadn't had his phone and couldn't help me when I needed him.

His kid was in trouble, he had been careless, now the kid's hurt. Maybe, had the kid been smarter, and let the monster kill him remembered to pack a water bottle, neither of us would be in this mess.

He was scared about what happened, and that fear came from feeling a lack of control, which then manifested into anger. Anger at himself for being useless, and anger at me for putting myself in that situation. What do you do when you're scared for someone? You get angry. Anger protects.

It's a sad song i think many fathers sing. I found it fitting for Dean.

4. All together now

So Dean's struggling with alcohol, even more so after Cas dying. He's struggling with Jack, and what to do about Jack, and how to be there for them when Dean's the reason their dad is dead. And then we get to this hunt where Dean is so so far from performing at his best and it's a tough fight and he's blaming himself for everything going wrong and then he's this fucking close to being the reason Jack dies, too. And oh, how it all that fear and self-loathing and grief come bursting out of him through anger.

and he feels so out of control! Cas is gone, Jack's hurt, Sam's hurt, and Dean is useless!! So he gets mad! but it's not out of unfairness. It's not out of an impossible situation. It's because Dean was drunk (and takes everyone's lives and well-being personally).

But that begs the question: is it really his fault?

Isn't that what genre he's in? Isn't he in the complex father show? the show about being angry? The show about family being hell?

That's not what he wants, though. That's not who he wants to be. He wants to be good. He wants to be good for his family. For Cas. For the people around him. Hell, maybe even for himself.

So maybe it's not his fault, but if he really wants to change, it is his responsibility to fix.

so maybe, just maybe, given some time, some space, and a narrative that cares,

maybe he can be what who he wants to be. Maybe he can have what he wants.

[starshine-cal]

Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/ paste this ask to your favorite mutuals 💌🖤

Ooh fun! Well right now I’m on a Mumford and Sons kick so “my mix” on YouTube is just them and like two other random songs xD I Gave You All, Awake My Soul, White Blank Page, Broken Crown, and Believe

As for songs I actually own lemme do that

1. The Force Theme by Samuel Kim (his epic Star Wars music is so good I bought a ton of it!!!!)

2. Angeles by Steve Carson feat. Jensen Ackles (yeah from back in my major SPN days xD it’s a good song man)

3. I Don’t Know Why by NOTD & Astrid S (listened to this all summer one year and it’s still a fave haha I heard it for the first time in Target of all places xD)

4. Imperial March by Samuel Kim

5. Hallelujah by Pentatonix (why do I like this song so much? Idk but I love a ton of covers of it. This is one of my faves bc it has the verses I like and is also very dramatic haha)

—————————————

Anyone who wants to do this can do it from my post! I give u my permission to just do it xD

[crimeboys]

20 Questions For Fanfic Writers!

tagged by @lunelicmoone thank you so much :D

1: How many works do you have on Ao3?

32

2: What's your total Ao3 word count?

265,600 <- EVEN NUMBER POG

3: What fandoms do you write for?

dsmp actively!! written for spn and hannibal in the past

4: Top five fics by kudos?

it's nice to be wanted

blood and cigarettes

oh, how i want to be free

washed up

has the moon lost her memory?

this list actually surprised me bc i expected oh, how i want to be free at the top and didn't realize has the moon lost her memory? was that well-liked

5: Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

I TRY SO HARD. i really struggle with it for some reason bc i like.want to thank people and talk to them about the fic but also don't want to spoil and i feel like i just repeat myself a lot and yeah ]:

6: What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the dark of our graves ig? it's like. fully angst though. the ending is just kind of the knowledge that wilbur is worse now and about to make that everyones problem. but also ig that fic is like. a snapshot of a whole story so idk if that counts. moderation ig, tommy and quackity are miserable af ! wait fuck me i was going through my list and flying actually probably takes it, i give tina and hannah gay love for five seconds and then erm well. i don't know i love making bitches miserable a lot of my fics are sad.

7: What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

probably either your world and mine (my osmp rocketduo fic) or it's nice to be wanted :]

8: Do you get hate on fics?

no which is good bc i am a spiteful little man

9: Do you write smut?

no, if there is ever sex in my fics i tend to fade to black and go Please look away this is private.

10: Do you write crossovers?

no, i don't like putting the characters i like in the same universe i like putting one set of them in the other universe and making them miserable within it instead.

11: Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12: Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah, blood and cigarettes was translated to russian!

13: Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no i am kind of scared of doing that actually i would get nervous.

14: What's your all-time favorite ship?

uhh idk recency bias says ctntduo

15: What's the WIP you hope to finish but doubt you ever will?

teehee

16: What are your writing strengths?

dialogue

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

description and conclusions. ending a fic is my worst nightmare im so bad at figuring out the right note. actually beginnings too i struggle to figure out exactly where to begin.

18: Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

sometimes people speak other languages so ? positive? if someone ever speaks in a language i don't understand in a fic i simply use google translate.

19: First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson !! i actually probably wrote sonic the hedgehog fanfic when i was younger but i don't really remember i just remember drawing little comics.

20: Favorite fic you've ever written?

tbh i really enjoy blood and cigarettes. shoutout to bell forever for inspiring me to write that thang

tagging: @belltheash @bonesandthebees @lacystar @ literally anyone who wants to do it im completely blanking on all the writers i know rn. even if we are not mutuals just say i tagged you idgaf have fun !

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

“Oh it’s that asshole. Ok” “it’s just a time. It’s not present/past/future” “Who’s telling the story? Is it the same diner?” laughter

“Why the fuck did Cas sniff the waitress?” “that don’t looks so good” “Haven’t we seen the asshole who just died in previous episodes? They killed him off, just like that?” “I thought we saw him before” we saw him at the hunter funeral

“Going to need another one of those” “They must have sped that up for the show, because preachers like that don’t talk that fast” “Wait he’s dead” “ok” Have you ever seen a Quentin Tarantino film? “yes, and I have to watch them like 35 times to understand what’s going on” “Is this one of those repeating things? Who’s doing the repeating I wonder?” “Or is it actually the Tarantino thing” “the more I talk, the more annoyed you’re going to get” “that’s a perty gun” “Who the hell needs that many fishing poles?” “Is it a clip or a magazine? I think it’s called a magazine” “why the hell would you whistle that much? You’re just giving your position away the whole time. Always be quiet” “oh it’s that son of a bitch again” “imagine getting resurrected to only face your biggest fear” “oh shit” “the vessel can die. Can’t he just find a new vessel? They have to be willing I guess. SO it’s a whole thing” “Hold on” “hmm” “Azazel, that’s his name, right?” “Is she actually in her 60s? She doesn’t look it” “who are they talking about?” The British Men of Letters

“Nobody trusts them” “Whenever I can” “I thought that sound was piss at first” “the can rattle made it sound like Cas was taking a piss” “I mean they were talking about urination earlier I suppose” “Idk who the spear is” “oh that’s fancy” “Ah. I see. We get more of the story each time, yeah?” “This is the Men of Letters garbage. While everyone is outside dying, she’s figuring out what’s going on. Some holy grail bullshit idk” “that’s not good” “you just said that. Thanks bud” “didn’t see that coming” “ah I see” “that can’t be good” “what’s that supposed to mean? Do we meet them later?” “so it’s Crowley who’s fucked, not just everyone else” “I love how Dean always argues with everything” “Oh it’s terminal sickness? Nope. I don’t accept. I need something else” “that’s a lot of lube” laughter

“What the hell is a spaghetti western?” (From the subtitles) An Italian western 

“Cool. Didn’t see that coming” “about that cure, man, wanna figure that out” “Is Crowley just going to break it?” “He just destroyed the most powerful weapon they had” “bullshit” “who’s watching?” “mmhmm” “the hell is that song from?” “we already knew who he was”

[scripted-downfall]

One of the things that makes Sam's character arc so ironic is that the man's intense desire to be the Chosen One is at odds with his desire to be "good."

After all, the thing is: he is the Chosen One, exactly what he wants to be. (The original post that inspired this --- linked here --- detailed what I mean by this: half of his motivations are because he's certain that he's got some higher purpose for good no matter what signs there are to the contrary.) He takes issue with this fact only because he's the Chosen One for the wrong side, for Hell.

Honestly, for all he preaches that monsters aren't all bad and evil is a choice --- which I do believe are true statements, to be clear --- he only puts his money where his mouth is on that point when it's convenient for him. (Lenore? Madison? We have to give 'em another chance! Cas? Benny? Oh, come on, Dean, how dare you replace me with them!) Only rarely does he selflessly make the difficult choice to do the right thing.

Legitimately, all the things that Sam does wrong in the entire series are because of his choices (plus or minus some manipulations by external sources). I'm a Sam anti because of his choices. Problems arise because of his choices. (Please note: I'm not laying the blame for everything in the series at his feet. I'm not saying that all problems come from him. I'm saying that, more often than not, any problems that do stem from him have their roots in his choices. It's like squares and rectangles: not all of Sam's choices cause problems, but most of his problems stem from his choices.)

The demon powers are the primary example of this: those came from Hell, but they were not inherently bad. Andy used the powers with moderation and lived quite peacefully until Ava killed him; Jake probably would have been fine if he'd been left on his own and not had Azazel forcing him to develop the powers; etc. If Sam had just not used them --- or only used them in the earlier stages, without triggering the "switches that flip in your brain" --- nothing bad would have happened. But that would have meant that he wasn't given this higher calling. That would have taken away the pre-destined strength he felt he had every time he called post-Hell!Dean "weak." That would have meant that he had to ignore his powers. And because he didn't want to do that --- because he wanted that aggrandizing title --- Sam chose to a) disregard Dean's last wishes that he not use them, b) trust Ruby, and c) disregard the warnings of not just his brother, not just Ava/Jake, but also the entire host of Heaven that these powers were a bad thing.

This whole post was inspired by the tags of a reblog featuring a line about him "delusionally trying to believe he can for once be worth something good." And, while I take the point --- and am certainly not trying to be rude or anything on that front --- Sam is 100% capable of being something good.

The problem is that he's got these preconceived notion about what "good" is, and it's very rarely the actual right thing to do. In the earlier seasons, he trusts the Bible and automatically assumes angels are good. (Frankly, idk why; I tend to leave religion out of things, but it bears mentioning that "Old Testament" is more or less synonymous with violent wrath for a reason.) In s11, when he assumes that God is sending him visions, he automatically trusts that the content of the visions is "good" and "right" purely because it came from God and is "how things are meant to be"; once God actually shows up, he immediately starts fanboying over him even though I once again question that particular piece of wisdom. I'm fond of Chuck --- at least for now... I haven't seen past s12 yet, and I know s15 Chuck is... yeah. --- but his management in the SPN universe is... highly questionable even at that point.

The problem is: Being good (in the context of this show) doesn't fall in line with his belief that being good is predicated upon having some grandiose fate or magic powers, on being some op "I can kill you with my brain" savior. The show is written to make his storyline ironic, yes, because the seasons have "being good" as refusing use the magic powers (s4), resisting destiny (s5, s9, s15), staying true to the simplicity of normal hunting (s12), etc, and not embracing this, frankly, egocentric desire to be powerful.

Thus, I agree with the poster, and yet I feel that it's not an issue of him trying to prove that he can, for once, be something good; it's him trying to be good and fulfill his power-centric version of goodness. And it's because of this that I can't really find it heartbreaking. Because he's knowingly, consciously making poor choices in the name of power. In any other character, that'd be villain-coded, just saying.

And, of course, I fully admit that I don't like Sam. I don't like how he treats his brother. I don't like how he makes decisions. I don't like how he's favored by the writing, the plot, the finale, and even the characters. The writers, in essence, cast him as the main character, but his is not a story I've ever wanted to follow, all the way from episode one. I make no bones about the fact that I cannot identify with him, cannot justify many of his actions. But, while all this is true, I do think that I'm fair.

If anyone disagrees with any of this, I look forward to hearing polite, logical discourse. (If you cannot be pleasant while maintaining your passion, please DNI. I can go my way; you can go yours.)

[professional-termite]

You know nothing about Resident Evil Village, so this is just a first impressions thing-

Karl Heisenberg, one of the lords

alr sick lemme pull up a picture of him (i have never heard of this guy in my life)

Sexuality Headcanon: idk man he looks like a het aroallo to me

Gender Headcanon: he/him but unable to elaborate past that point (definitely not a cis man tho)

A ship I have with said character: hes too aromantic to date. because i said so

A BROTP I have with said character: he looks like he would be friends with like. crowley spn maybe

A NOTP I have with said character: everyone. hes too aromantic for anyone

A random headcanon: idek if this is a headcanon but he looks like he sounds like taika watiti but deeper if that makes sense. not even just taikas accent, like straight up pitched down taika voice

General Opinion over said character: he looks uhh. he looks

[incarnateirony]

Does Jared even hang out with anyone that's not a racist, gun-crazy, MAGA idiot at this point? I've never been his biggest fan but this is genuinely worrying.

Idk man. Like Jake seems fine I guess. Mark at least was willing to work on his show. Gen and Charlie have been trying to raise visibility of working together.

But yeah that's about it that I can think of. I know he was hanging out with DJ towards the end of SPN since DJ mentioned they don't see Jensen or Misha out much, they "stay home and do their own thing", so for the last while there DJ was more Jared's van buddy. But the ostracization really seemed to stack between the arrest, then guttedgate.

People reasonably have shied further and further away from him. I wouldn't say he's hated, but I think it's like uh. You ever have a friend that. You know is gonna get you in trouble. Like if their house burned down you'd help them but wouldn't be surprised to find a meth pipe in your house when they move in? Not that I'm saying Jared does meth, just an example that happened to me in the past. Some sort of violation of trust like that. Like no dude, I'm not about to go down in a hard drug bust for giving you a roof over your head get that shit out of here.

Cuz there's the one guy that makes the gun silencers, and the other walker guy that's wall is crawling with white supremacy and maga, and there was jared meeting tulsi on her night preaching the gospel of Joe Rogan, who Jared loved so much he got Gen to start to listen to it. And we're not even gonna scrape on the systemic racism attached to the tattoo he got that's so obvious and bad even Gen stuck a conspicuous sticker over it to hide it when making a post. Like.

Uh.

Someone recently mentioned they almost feel like the reason many haven't cut Jared out is they're worried he's on the rapid path to becoming Kevin Sorbo, and they think they can offset that. And I mean, they're not wrong. Sorbo was a peak scifi actor that flipped shit when he wasn't involved in his series spinoff and leaned further and further into conservatism until he went full apeshit magat cpac guest.

And I kinda agree. Like they still care. They don't want him running off down that road. But arms' distance unless they feel they can work with him, though others seem to be just getting tired of his antics.

But really looking at this, is it any wonder Walker's like 4 weeks behind on filming from like 2 covid shutdowns?

[wanderingcas]

I posted 1,021 times in 2022

357 posts created (35%)

664 posts reblogged (65%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wanderingcas

@valleydean

@ltleflrt

@goldenboydean

@sobernatural

I tagged 976 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#not spn - 193 posts

#destiel - 153 posts

#answered ask - 91 posts

#the common hours - 52 posts

#anon ask - 49 posts

#dean winchester - 45 posts

#fan art - 42 posts

#castiel - 39 posts

#srb - 37 posts

#sam rambles - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#if this doesn’t make sense that’s ok lol just something that popped in my head today while i was struggling with yet another ✨thing✨

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Common Hours

Three months ago, Castiel lost all memories of himself and his past. His life revolves around the only things he’s ever known: spending time with his new friend, Charlie, and photographing things in the world that he’s forgotten. But when a man who he doesn’t remember rolls into his life with haunted (and oddly familiar) green eyes that linger on him too long, the life—and person—he thought he knew is thrown into chaos.  

a dean/cas au coming this fall to ao3 

Preview:

Every night, Castiel dreams of him. 

He doesn’t know who he is—a figment of his imagination, maybe someone locked in his memories—but he’s always doing the same thing. Smiling at Castiel with a blinding, cheerful grin, as the sun catches the auburn of his hair. His mouth moves, but there’s no sound. He reaches for Castiel, green eyes sparkling with a joke Castiel doesn’t get, and Castiel reaches back. 

The dream always ends before he can touch him.

That night, Castiel wakes in the middle of the living room—one hand is pressed against the wall, the other tightly to his chest. His forehead rests against the chipped paint, his breath shallow and tight.

He had woken himself up to an incessant chant: “I hear you,” again and again, with a hollow ache resting on top of his ribs.

He steps away from the wall. Wiping the wet off his cheeks with the back of his sleeve, taking a shuddering breath, he turns to go back to bed.

tagging some people who have liked my writing before?? idk hello guys<3: @whelvenwings  @inacatastrophicmind @ialwayscomewhenyoucall @valleydean @lovercas @ne8ula @halevetica @castielscarma @castielrisingabove @synonymouslyyours @saminzat @rauko-is-a-free-elf @peanutbutterjelly-pie @dadstiel @shelikestv @wigglebox @gayangelofthursday @bluefirecas @of-magic-and-monsters @jensenackhles @cottondean @thisisapaige @turnedintoearth @malallory​ @casblackfeathers​

356 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#4

he's a 10 but his trueform is the size of a chrysler building

466 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

#3

what episode of supernatural sold you on the show? for me it was skin when the shapeshifter showed how tragic dean's character really was

539 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#2

do you want to read a destiel slow burn that's probably too slow and probably will actually burn where cas can't remember dean after losing his memories but dean CAN remember cas and it's eating him alive having to spend time with him and help cas find his memories especially as cas gets his memories back and still doesn't remember dean at all?? and there's case fics thrown in there that dean and cas go on together along with lots of UST?? with weekly chapter updates?? and there's a happy ending??

then please click the link above, i just posted chapter 5. mwah<3

578 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

what if dream himself acts like a raven and keeps giving hob little shiny things as gifts and hob just looks at them like. that's cool but why and finally after getting the 20th piece of green sea glass in the past ten years he asks what the fuck is going on and dream, with a completely straight face goes i'm courting you what does it look like

3,631 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

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