#and yeah i do think it's harmful

[absolutebl]

Hi ABL,

I've seen someone say that Gong Jun had better chemistry with his male co leads than the female leads in his het dramas and you made a mention of watching his het dramas and that they weren't good. I know you can't give a concrete answer but can you theorize why his acting is livelier in advance bravely and Word of Honor than in others.

❤️ Mimi

I have talked about this a little bit before. And someone in a comment once mentioned that Ohm (bad buddy and many other BLs) also said something to this effect :

If you are from a culture where male-to-female physical contact is extremely restricted (like China or South Korea for example), it’s sometimes easier to act intimacy with another man because you’re less freaked out about being accused of pushing things too far or taking advantage of the situation. 

In other words, in places where you are trained by every social moray and stricture into “ gentlemanly” behavior around women (but not around men) it’s easier to act intimate with a man, especially if you have a certain personality type. 

(The rest of this is about me and my baggage hon, not you the lovely human who asked a perfectly innocent question.) 

Begin an ABL Anthropological Rant, skip as needed for your blood pressure 

It’s one of the biggest issues I have around IRL shipping within the global Kpop stan communities. Because a lot of westerners are so uncomfortable and unused to (and internally homophobic around) men showing physical affection to each other, they assume 2 boys in a group who are physically demonstrative are automatically gay. When, in fact, it’s just men are more affectionate with each other in general at that age and in that culture. 

(This is different from Thai BL couple branding and skinship baiting, which is a can of worms because it’s: intentional, commercial, mercenary, and possibly contractually abusive to some pairs.) 

Back to Kpop ranting...

All those YT channels making videos about Kpop “gay” relationships are actually just displaying the “creators” own rampant internalized homophobia and complete misunderstanding of another culture. 

And do I think some of these idols are gay? Well yes, of course, statistically speaking, some of them must be. Just like some BL actors must be. Yes, even the ones in China. But that’s so entirely not the point. Frankly, the gay ones are more likely to be reserved about showing affection, BECAUSE THEY’RE SCARED OF THIER FANS. 

Let’s call a spade a spade shall we? (rather than a not-gay a gay). 

This is touch shaming men, which is frankly disgusting, given how many problems we have (in the western world particularly) with men being touched starved. Should I make the correlation between this and toxic masculinity, incel behavior, and higher rates of suicide (and violence) amongst men? Well I COULD, but I’m not gonna, because it’s an incredibly complicated issue. And I’m exhausted by the whole conversation. 

Frankly, being queer means we gotta deal with higher rates of abuse, violence, and suicide ourselves... I don’t got a lot left over to worry about the straight boys, except on an anthropological level. 

In conclusion: IRL 

don’t assume sexual identity from the physical contact or physical comfort levels you observe, especially within a different culture 

ask permission for whatever you wanna do to someone else

don’t touch shame, celebrity or otherwise

and don’t let or teach your kids to do any of this, either, no matter how young they are 

Yes, as a breeder, it IS your responsibility.

It’s not complicated. 

BAH. 

This is supposed to be a happy blog. 

Anygay... 

I talk about this a lot in this particular post on skinship and Thai BL. 

#MOOD

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

[thottybrucewayne]

I think what I want to get into with the "Anyone can do harm." thing that I keep beating yall over the head with is that literally anyone, anyone at all can do harm it's not "in your DNA" to be an abuser or written in the stars that you'll be a predator. Whatever image you have of an abuser in your head, drop it and replace it with your favorite person in the world and you'll probably be closer to the truth than you realize. It's easy to address harm when it's coming from someone you already hate. I see it happen all the time. Someone you couldn't stand for no real reason does something heinous then all of a sudden here comes the avalanche of "I always knew they were a fucked up individual." No, you didn't. There is no possible way you could have known, you just already didn't fuck with them before they started doing something you could use to justify your hatred of them. I'm guilty of it too! I'm petty, mean, vindictive, and yes! I'm way quicker to believe something bad about someone I hate versus someone I love because I'm human. Still, y all gotta learn to move past that initial "Well, they were always nice to me!" gut feeling and understand that nobody truly knows anyone and anyone can be capable of anything. Even victims. Even you.

[firestorm09890]

Penny stardewvalley makes me so sad because she's SO sensitive to, like, basically everything you tell her (telling her that you can't stand children while two children are nearby is a pretty lousy move but -1500 friendship?? being a jerk to other characters' faces typically loses you about 50 points, and if you choose the option labeled "creepy" and ask Leah for a kiss in her 2 heart event she physically hits you and kicks you out of her house but that's only -100 friendship…) and so if you want to befriend her it's a whole lot of lying and tiptoeing around her feelings (2 hearts: George was right but saying that makes her feel bad. 6 hearts: her food sucks but even if you try to be polite about it she feels like a failure; only a bald-faced lie pleases her. 8 hearts: saying you don't want to be tied down with a family loses you a little bit of friendship and she's only happy if you say you want kids) and I can't help but think she's a product of her environment. She lives in a trailer with only her mother, who gets drunk every night and has something of a temper. Penny's like a skittish rescue animal who won’t even come out from hiding under something unless you leave her lots of treats

[july-19th-club]

house md wildest show on earth. a main character outright assassinates a known dictator, a moment that would be the very beginning or the mid-series crisis in any other show - an act which creates a power vacuum in a foreign nation already filled with child soldiers and genocide, and it's literally only brought up again throughout the season because that guy's wife divorces him over it. and occasionally to explore his relationship with who he is as a person and a catholic after having deliberately taken a life for what he calculates as the greater good, but mostly it's about his divorce

[pyjamacryptid]

I’m thinking about Gwen and Elyan tonight folks….. they were siblings, finally reunited after years, reconciled, and obviously cared for one another very much and there were hardly any on-screen interactions between them save for episodes where either one of them was in danger of some kind. Sigh.

I also know for a fact their exchanges would’ve been hilarious because it seemed that Elyan was the one person that knew how to annoy Gwen at light-speed LOL

yeselyanprincearthurofcamelot

[polybiusplayer]

Anxious habit.

[transgenderenkidu]

"Were the numbers right?" "Your numbers about how high and far they could fly. That you got by sneaking out when you were supposed to be sleeping and watching them with stolen equipment?" "Borrowed," Leia said firmly. "I would never take your things like that." "Next time, 'borrow' the armor too," he said gruffly, the same as he had when Domino squad had caught her and turned her in, looking a little embarrassed and unsure if they were out of line. "Of course," she lied.

Leia in clone trooper armor, inspired by @this-acuteneurosis' Don't Look Back series, a time-travel fic starring Leia, Shmi, and Padme taking on the political quagmire of the prequel's senate. I 1000% recommend it, it's spectacular

[braxiatel]

Having been in that place of “so many long distance friends all in one place!!” A couple of times I just can’t help but feel so much second hand happiness for the cc hermits. You could tell the entire weekend that they were all so giddy - from raising $800k for charity over two days, yes - but also from just being in the same space. Getting to hug and play fight and shoot each other with nerf guns and bringing treats from home for everyone to try.

It just makes you think, you know. I mainly deal with the characters they play, and try very hard to separate those characters from their creators, but at the end of the day all of the love that they pour into their characters and the world they make together is all down to how much they also love each other irl. And good for them, good for them. I hope they had just as much, if not more, time off the clock to just hang out together

[zazagundam]

People getting mad about that comic of a bisexual man being excited about another guy (who he mistook for a girl) in a dress is so wild.

Yea I get that we as trans women don't want to be seen as men in dresses, but I promise you that the gap between all us queers-fucking-with-gender is NOT a chasm!!!

You have more in common (including community) with femboys, fags, dykes, butches, gays, and esp trans men, than you do with the random cis people you want gendering you correctly.

[six-of-cringe]

The "ohhhh fuck dolphins, dolphins are evil they kill and rape, ohh otters are evil they rape seal babies, not so cute now are they" people are like the children who would smugly tell anyone who would listen that ring around the rosie is about people dying of the plague. Like ok. Do I need to explain how high intelligence correlates with complex behavior or can you shut the fuck up on your own

[merriclo]

i see and respect your “Wild is an arsonist who burns forests down” joke, but i raise you the ever funnier “Wild is a huge wildlife conservationist and will personally fight anyone who dares to set it ablaze (aka almost every single other Link)” joke

[maxphilippa]

Hey. Listen. II fandom. Look at me RIGHT NOW.

Just because you hate a character, that won't mean that you can ignore their growth and arcs, and deny that they had any of those in the story, or actually changed in the end. You are allowed to not like a character, but denying that they did get better/denying their arc is bullshit, and ultimately not really getting that the point of the story is changing to be better, or losing yourself in your own misery. ESPECIALLY with characters that thought that what they were doing was okay because of UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS and got to understand that they were wrong, and wanted to fix that.

AND ALSO.

Just because you like a character, it doesn't mean that their actions are immediately justified/or that they were just misunderstood, they still did do all of that shit and portraying them as innocent or well intentionated, and missing the whole point of a character in the process, doesn't help either. MUCH LESS when the character in question was fully aware of what they were doing too, saying that "they didn't mean it" or anything is not getting the point

Go big or go home.

[chrollohearttags]

never thought I’d see the day that people would be angrier about a rap bar than they would about actual child predators but here we are lmao.

[cuubism]

hello friends. despite my 9 million existing dreamling wips i'm feeling the need to branch out a bit for the sake of my mental variety. what pairing other than dreamling should i write a little something for? could be romantic or platonic

other way of phrasing i guess: any pairings you really want to see more fics for in the fandom?

[noisytenant]

Being reminded once again that a lot of people have fucking sleeper cell agent triggers that make them instantly fail to see the human being in front of them, regardless of any personal history they have or any rapport. instantly, that person is an Enemy that cannot be reasoned with. Permanent fight or flight.

And that instead of this being seen as, you know, a rather maladaptive attitude to bring to your relationships that will permanently strip you of the capacity to experience full love and companionship, there is a dominant strain of thinking that this is a reasonable, righteous, moral good.

That a "boundary" looks like building an impenetrable wall that nobody can see but you; That conversation, negotiation, and collaboration aren't just avoided--They're treated with contempt. The very notion of trying to understand why another human being that you care about may suddenly act in an unpleasant or even monstrous way is spat upon and trampled underfoot. Complete abandonment is considered a first line of defense rather than a last resort.

I think we all need to do our best to get over this kind of thinking. And I don't mean that we should be push-overs; In actuality, moving away from this kind of rigid "boundary" often means advocating for yourself and fighting for what you think is right. I think we all deserve friends and allies who can compassionately challenge us when we adopt ways of thinking and behaving that hurt others without immediately assuming the worst.