#and yes if there’s like definitive proof that the parent they choose is hurting them/an unfit parent that sucks

[akkpipitphattana]

i think kids should have way more of a say in custody battles btw

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 1 Pt. 1

I'm late to this because I couldn't think of what to say other than my little joke posts. This is just more sporadic commentary as a result because I'm saving some of my thoughts for when I have more information later on.

One of my favourite panels so far fr. Please Mr. Nightow what dumb shenanigans did these two get into on the regular. Please tell me. Eriks and Lina are my new favourite comedy duo. (You know. Before bad things happen. As per usual.)

Ok so some thoughts on Vash awkwardly insisting that Lina overreacted - she didn't. Self-defense is valid and Lina was well-within her rights to kick that creep in the face, but Vash is now even more passive than he was in his attempts to mitigate violence and tragedy - he's not just throwing away his own pride and dignity, he's fumbling through expecting others to do the same, which he didn't used to do btw - which, unfortunately, makes sense. He's hidden himself away and is terrified of himself - he wants so badly to avoid being the cause of or seeing any more pain inflicted on people. But here's the thing - extreme passivity can also be harmful. There are some things you should get angry at and should respond defensively to. It reminds me a little of that part in Little Arcadia where Meryl is upset with herself for not responding with the same righteous anger towards Badwick pointing a gun at his parents the way Milly did. Unaffectedness can become uncaringness if one walls oneself off from becoming defensive of that which is important to them (tbh I think Meryl was being too harsh on herself in that scene - but it's important to note that she writes the letter to her parents after, and responds more openly and honestly in future chapters). Meryl also realizes in that arc that she can choose a path for herself that doesn't necessarily have to be in perfect keeping with her parents' - they will live through her regardless - but Vash here doubles down on his original philosophy and takes it to extremes instead. I'm finding it really intriguing that Meryl appears to be learning similar lessons to the ones Vash should be, but much earlier than he does (if he will, which I hope he will). I think that might be because they have similar ideals at their cores.

Also, lol at Wolfwood seeing the footprint she left on the guy's face and just being like "nice, kid".

I hate this. I hate this. Can he quit having his reputation be thrown back in his face for five minutes? How much must it hurt him that despite him only ever wanting to help, the image most everyone has of him is this caricature of a villain who is violent and cruel and belittling and demeaning, or else, the whispers of some calamitous being on a power scale incomprehensible to humanity, like some sort of bogeyman? And then to have him reveal all his scars in such an incredibly humiliating way - and to have that be the moment we, as the readers, have definite proof that this man is, in fact, Vash. This impostor went the extra mile to look exactly like the "humanoid typhoon" but it's those scars that are the genuine reveal of Vash's true character. He's just a guy. Yes, he's capable of being dangerous, yes, he's pretty much a living weapon of mass destruction, but he is also kind and self-sacrificing to a fault and chooses this kindness every day. He is literally just a guy. I need people to be fucking nice to him. Leave him alone.

Wolfwood already being defensive of Vash counter: 1

Grandma Sheryl really said "Get my gun." Whhfsdjhfvh

I'm realizing that when Wolfwood unclasps Punisher here, this is... the first time Vash has actually seen that it is. A giant gun. This is the first time the reader would have seen this. Hjhnsdjhvn???

The hair cutting scene hurts me so bad man. I've seen a couple people break down that scene so I won't do that here but hnnng. I love that Lina so clearly cares about him. That she wanted to keep him safe too. And even though she doesn't feel like she could do enough it meant the world to him. Augh. Aughhhh.

Meryl's birthday is in February!!! This is important information.

Ah yes, Trimax Chapter 3, or, as I like to call it, "Area Insurance Girls Destroy Workplace Asshole's Entire Career by Hitting Him With Proof that He Is a Hitman Committing Murder and Fraud, Then Hitting Him in the Back with a Projectile from a Stun Gun". (Meryl and Milly I love you and I love your teamwork. Girls <3. Again, someone broke down the whole part with Meryl here so I won't get into it.)

Wolfwood already being defensive of Vash counter: 2

Wolfwood already being defensive of Vash counter: 3 (also holy shit dude???)

(For clarity, this counter I'm keeping is because it makes me laugh - I have a sneaking suspicion I know why he's there from Tristamp - which makes the fact that he reacts like this after like. What? A few days of knowing him? - really, really funny to me. Also I'm writing up a little something I noticed about Wolfwood, and this is a bit relevant, so there's that too. But mostly it's just funny.)

Geez, Knives looks demonic in the flashbacks. It's very intriguing how he's mostly faceless. I would imagine it's some complex mix of not recognizing his brother after what he's done, not recognizing him as his brother after what he's done, and not wanting to see his twin's face (which looks like his face) staring back at him as some kind of monster. I also have to wonder if Vash is a little scared of Knives, especially after July and Fifth Moon. Also, the way Knives tries to help Vash up because they're "brothers", hence, the same, but when Vash angrily accuses Knives of not being human, Knives kicks him back down while shouting about that he wouldn't want to be like them ever. Really I think this kind of highlights the dynamic in a nutshell. Vash fears harming others more than he does about his loneliness. Knives fears being all alone, I think, and is willing to commit harmful acts to assure he won't be - Vash often winds up hurt by this. Knives doesn't. It also emphasizes how Knives' offer of sticking together is contingent on Vash being agreeable, which is. Yikes bud.

Hm. Wolfwood starts calling him "Needle-Noggin" here. He was calling him Vash before. Interesting.

Brad stfu challenge. Don't be mean to him I'll be sad :(

What is wrong with him. See, Vash is exaggerating his weirdness for the bit and also to hide intense internal turmoil. Wolfwood is clearly trying to get a better vantage to see what's happening here but, unfortunately, I also think he is just like that.

I find it very interesting that Wolfwood finds it so important to finish that particular conversation with Vash, that he even went to go find him earlier to do so. It seems he was under the impression that Vash's stance is one of passivity, but that's not true at all - Vash's whole thing is that he is actually incredibly, notoriously bad at "doing nothing". Isn't it Wolfwood who was the one who wanted to leave here? But he has a point that sometimes you have to make difficult choices. Hm...

Vash just went full chaos entity for this one, huh?

"Wow, it's great that the bullets didn't pierce through and that the equipment works!" he says as he coughs up blood from the force of being hit. :/

This is a very tricky situation, morally speaking, at the end. Vash actually seems to understand the father's reaction here. But if the man shoots his daughter's murderer then it's not just the murderer who loses his "blank ticket" - so does the father. The way the screams of the murderer look like they're encroaching and pressing in on Vash... agh. And then when he goes for the gun, the father thinks Vash is judging him but I really don't think that's it at all. I don't think Vash faults the father for his anger - he understands the cruel death of a family member and the anger that comes with it. He lets the father beat him up instead and release aggression that way, which is a very... Vash way of dealing with it. It worked this time but... that's only because the father turned out to be unable to kill him after all. Vash didn't seem like he really knew what to do here, or even what the right thing to do was. He reacted on instinct. I feel this was less bravery and self-sacrificial pacifism than it was an incredibly vulnerable moment and an apology, in a way. He can't allow himself to let people die when there's something he can do, or to have them throw their futures away. But he is also sorry in a way, not for the act of intervening, but because he knows the father is hurting badly. Idk.

This is interesting, because I think it's right, but not completely. It's less that they are all his family, and more that he has taken up what he kind of sees as the family mantle (Rem's) of saving all the people she saved during the Fall, which is, unfortunately, everyone. Poor Vash, honestly. It's hardly sustainable, and even if it was, it assures that he will always be wrapped up in torment.

I just know Vash intentionally calls Wolfwood out in a really annoying sing-songy voice every time he does something nice just to embarrass him. Hjhdfnvjh

Anyways, that's all for that; until the next volume -

WHAT THE FUCK?

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I don't want to see my family. I feel guilty and horrible, but I just can't stand the thought of seeing them. They were never abusive, not physically at least, but they kept me trapped and under a lot of pressure and expectations that I couldn't always meet. And when I didn't, well, bad things happened.

They say I owe them everything.

But now I'm living away from home, I've been away for almost three years and not even once did I think of going back. In this brief time I've experienced wonderful things and met lovely people. I may not have everything I once did, but I'm truly and genuinely happy. I'm free.

But now I'm scared. I don't want to see them, I really don't. They want to come visit and what am I supposed to do? Tell them no?

I don't know what to do. Please, help me.

yes, sweetheart. telling them no is abso-fucking-lutely exactly what you're supposed to do.

listen, darling: family is a social contract that functions from the top down. and honoring your parents is great, but when your parents abuse you, they break the social contract and render it void. when the people who chose to bring you into the world, who were responsible for your existence, who were legally required to care for you, make the choice to harm you, your obligation of loyalty to them is severed.

and they may not have hit you, but they definitely abused you, sweetheart. it's very, very common for abuse survivors to minimize what was done to them as "not that bad" or "it could have been worse", to say that their abuser "also did [nice thing]", but that doesn't change the fact that the abuse that did happen, never should have fucking happened. there is no justification for abuse, period.

you might wonder how i can so confidently say that they abused you, and honestly, it's because a) i've talk to a lot of people with abusive parents, i know what they sound like, and b) if they hadn't done something horrible to you, you would not feel this kind of dread at the idea of seeing them.

trauma itself is evidence of abuse. read that again for me.

if you'd like more proof, this is a great article: 15 Signs Of Emotionally Abusive Parents And How To Deal With Them

(however, i can't agree with their suggestion that you talk to your parents about changing their behavior before distancing yourself. abusive parents will just use that good faith choice to hurt and manipulate you further.)

i promise that you don't owe your family anything, much less "everything". you did not choose to be fucking born, did you? they chose to have you. they chose to create a helpless child that they were legally required to feed, clothe, and shelter. you can be grateful for that, sure, but you can never owe them for it.

you're an adult, living your own life. you have your own home, you take care of yourself, you work your job and pay your bills. despite the dread and panic that these people send shooting through your stomach, you're not a helpless child anymore, i promise. you have the power to tell them no, and to enforce that 'no'. you have the strength to stand up to them and refuse to be treated the way they treat you.

talk to the lovely people you've met. i promise you that this is the kind of thing that good friends legitimately want to help you deal with, that they will want to support you and offer you advice and encouragement. you don't have to and shouldn't do this alone, and it's okay to ask for help. no one will laugh at you or tell you that you're overreacting, they will want to support you.

i know it's fucking scary. but you've built something good and you deserve to defend it from the people who caused you so much pain. you deserve to say no, no matter how they react. you're not responsible for their reactions.

they've lost the right to being welcome in your life. and while you don't owe them shit, you DO owe it to yourself to protect your freedom with hard boundaries and self-respect.

you can do this, sweetheart, i promise. protect your happiness and your freedom. you're stronger than you think you are. you can do this.

[priscilla9993]

Resounding Love and Understanding (pt. 4)

What Ella doesn’t know is the story behind Cecelia’s familial betrayal and it lies in the obvious reason why the maze is called Infinite. The name sticks and no one goes in or out without a good reason to. If Cecelia was anything like Alice had said, if she was truly stuck there, her determination would have gotten her out in some way. Cecelia was wrong choosing to sacrifice her own happiness for her family’s, something Rapunzel also attempted to do, without giving them as much as a goodbye or a clue to where she was going once she found out she had been poisoned. But she had done so with good intentions in lieu of hindsight.

Ella is too despondent to think about anything else and asks defeatedly, ”Why else would she?”

Cecelia didn’t leave on a whim and Alice defends Cecelia’s memory by showing Ella proof on why her mother left. Alice pulls back her shirt sleeve to reveal a spiral burn mark on her wrist, prompting, “Look familiar?”

*cue the sad Knightrook theme and watch me sob*

While Alice knew the full extent of the mark, how it cruelly connects and repels loved ones like herself and her papa, Ella wouldn’t have.

To Ella, it would have been a weird burn or birthmark her father had which held no meaning. Even if she had asked about the mark, it’s doubtful that her father would have answered. She would be even less determined to ask after he came back from his journey as a shell of himself, her mother gone for good, creating the tension that current Ella still feels.

Luckily, Ella does recognize it and asks, "Yeah. My father had a mark just like that. What is it?" It’s a straightforward question, blunt just like her personality, but it unintentionally emotionally hurts Alice.

Potentially, there is residual physical pain too as when Ella reaches out to touch Alice’s wrist in an attempt to examine it closer, Alice pulls her arm out of Ella’s reach and moves out her chair as if someone’s touch could sting or inflame it more. There are a few shots in the season and definitely one in this episode where Alice grabs onto her wrist after her papa’s heart flares green with poison when she’s too close in his vicinity.

Fortunately, she takes no offense to Ella’s curious actions and proceeds to provide closure to her mother's death and reason for leaving. Alice continues in a more hastened and angered manner, walking the length of the table and describing the mark/curse replying, “It’s part of the curse of the Poisoned Heart.”

“It appears when you’re touched by the one you can’t be with.”

Her anger dissipates to one of inner sadness. Her words drift off as she recalls the grimness of what she’s saying, a mark she’ll forever bare.

Ella empathizes with Alice, having seen firsthand the outcome of those affected by the curse earlier with Hook and Alice being repelled by the curse. She worriedly starts, ”But if my father had the same mark…”

Her eyes are brimming with tears as she comes round the table to meet up with Alice.

Alice supports Ella for coming to her own conclusion with a nod and raised eyebrows, implying, “Yes, you see now?”

Ella finishes her sentence, confirming they’re on the same page, “My mother’s heart was poisoned too.” She appears remorseful and stunned as she manages to conclude that her thoughts of her mother leaving had nothing to do with no longer loving them or her father. It was really so that her parents wouldn’t have to watch their love in pain, one dying and one emotionally wrecked.

“She never stopped loving us. She left to protect us.”

Ella takes in that her mother loved them all enough to let them go.

I love how it is with these lines that Ella holds close to her heart her mother’s locket. Before she had just been gripping it loosely in her hand more out of possession and disappointment, until then, in which it transforms symbolically into an item bringing her comfort and pride.

In tumbles what I’d call the Knightrook theme again as a familial sentiment is declared.

Alice gives Ella a wry smile. Maybe it was a good thing that she was alive to have met Ella after all. She imparts a grave statement but well intended remark to make light of the situation, “Trust me, if your touch could kill the one you love, you’d want to be lost too.” This line relates to Alice and both of Ella’s parents. I’d give it a chef kiss.

[nightferns]

The Third Variant to the SootCraft Fundy and Wilbur family drama that Maybe Accidentally Started it

So yesterday me and @bigbraveboop came to the conclusion that C!fundy had an arc in early early L'manburg that we were kinda unaware of. And it cracks the case of... how the family drama started. And also is why is this exists

C!Tommy was the catalyst of the c!Fundy | c!Wilbur family drama in S1 and i promise i have proof

all /rp

So what does Fundy repeatedly say is his biggest gripe with Wilbur currently and multiple times after his death? Well:

“You were there for me for a very very long time and then when i needed you the most, you skedaddled fuck the out of my life and died. Because of what? L’manberg’s causes, huh? You thought that was- You thought that was justice? You thought that was good for me? You left me, man.’

“The dad that- my dad that exploded himself for the sake of a country, just for that country to be demolished in future hands?-"

“He put me to priority number 2, man. He put me in the second place.”

So its about L’manburg being more important than him to Wilbur.

Now lets dig deep, where did that insecurity start? Why did Fundy arrive at this conclusion? Why did he feel like this in the first place about his position in L’manburg and his Father?

We kinda assume it was always there or was because of Wilbur actually prioritizing L’manburg over his son/being negectfull. But no! Fundy was very confident in his realtionship with Wilbur and his position in L’manburg at the Start and we see tha change so!

I want to argue that this insecurity... didn't come from Wilbur or any of his actions or lack thereof. Not directly.

“Wilbur? I dunno, Wilbur’s a man of chaos, alright- due to the lore of the server, Wilbur may or may not have been the father of our nation, but- that doesn’t mean he’s for everything I do. That doesn’t mean he stands behind me, alright? Not necessarily...not necessarily.”

This is the first instance of Fundy doubting his connection to Wilbur helping things, i'd argue it still was a part of a lighhearted bit that isn’t to be taken too seriously in the context of the larger story but i realized something that made me change my mind, i mean it is still a lighthearted bit but it connects to a certain quote from uncle Innit:

“What would father think?”

And then that got me thinking and:

Part 1 aka Early L'manburg Fundy had different feelings towards Wilbur than Civil War Fundy

So how did Fundy act towars Wilbur early on?

Fundy: "Don't speak to me ma- hey that's fucked up don't talk about that. That's-"

Tommy: "Listen Th- you gotta kn- you gotta know you don't speak to the boss's son like that. Nevermind about- about the boss's wife to the boss's son in front of the boss's right hand man! You really gotta- You really gotta read the room Thunder."

Fundy: "Yea you don't. You don't."

JM: "fine ok let him do what he wants to do, i just don't wanna hear about it [..]"

Tommy: "Listen to me Fundy- Listen to me Fundy- he didn't mean that- he's just a bold man- he had- he had a little-"

Fundy [turning to JM]: "I will tell on you."

Tommy: " NO no no no Fundy- Fundy He had a little flirt with Dream- he had a little flirt with dream, he's- he's a- he's really new, he's learing his boundaries, he's over stepped them, alright, listen, but you don't have to tell Will, you don't have to tell no-one. "

[To JM] "Thunder you need to to calm your fucking- holy shit."

"-Please, please give him a rest."

JM: "no i- im sorry, im sorry, i'm sorry Fundy"

Fundy: 'I don't want this behavior again, alright."

JM: "no i wont- i wont-"

Fundy: 'Don't talk to my Dad OR my salmon Mother like that ever again, i will tell on you, keep it in mind. I have privilege to speak up against-"

JM: "i understand."

I will come back to the i have a privilege line later but first, from this we see Fundy being confident that Wilbur would take his side because he is his son. He is the “i will tell my parents about this” kid, alongside that he doesn’t feel like he has no imput in decisions, he doesnt feel insecure here he is in the position of power. 

So again when did it appear?

Well,

Fundy: “I may or may not have scammed a bunch of people, including all of L’manburg people, um…”

Tommy: “You scammed L’manburg members?!”

Fundy: “But here’s the thing – I’m willing to pay you a part of the profit if you help me out here!”

Tommy: “Fundy…okay, can I tell you what’s happened from my point of view? The son of the President has gone around scamming the other presidential members, and as the Vice President whilst the President’s not on, this is my duty to make sure that this doesn’t pull apart L’manburg. And what you’re saying – what you’ve essentially just said is, ‘hey, can I bribe you?’“

Fundy: “…Can I?”

Tommy: “Jesus Christ…No, okay, we need to settle this now, ‘cause I mean if this happens on my turf, I’m gonna fucking take the blame from this from Wilbur, alright…so listen, Fundy, under no circumstances can you bribe anyone!”

Fundy: “I got two Netherite scraps?”

Tommy: “Okay, okay – explain to me what’s happened, please.”

[Fundy explains the conflict]

Tommy: “What would father think?”

Fundy: “Well, he always – he always sides…by me…obviously.”

Tommy: “Would he though? I mean, you’ve gone against the other members of the nation he fought to build.”

Fundy: “Well only because my loot has been stolen! Alright?”

Tommy: “This sounds petty, Fundy.”

Fundy: “Okay, okay, I can word this differently in my favor.”

Tommy: “No, okay, no – you’re not meant to say that out loud! Okay, I’m gonna ask Tubbo what’s happened, and then from there on we’ll – but please do not do any – we can’t have L’manburg falling out over this, alright?” 

So here we see Fundy the president’s son being put in comparison to L’manburg the nation the president built for what Wilbur would prioritize for the first time, and Tommy sows the seeds that maybe L’manburg matters more to Wilbur than him, that Wilbur would choose the nation. this is also first time Fundy has been sort of excluded from the Whole of L’manburg.

and we see Tommy’s words affect Fundy,

Fundy: “We gotta list everyone who’s against me:”

“I killed Tubbo twice, I stole his bow. Tubbo’s probably against me.”

“Tommy has always been against me from the start.”

“Sapnap is against me because I killed his animals and stole them.”

“Punz is against me ‘cause I stole his bees.”

“Eret is against me ‘cause I went after Karl.”

“Karl’s against me ‘cause -- I just realized I’ve made a lot of enemies...I just realized I don’t have many -- I don’t have many allies on the server. There’s not many allies.”

“Who’s neutral? Niki! Niki is with me! Niki is friendly.”

“Wilbur? I dunno, Wilbur’s a man of chaos, alright...due to the lore of the server, Wilbur may or may not have been the father of our nation, but...that doesn’t mean he’s for everything I do. That doesn’t mean he stands behind me, alright? Not necessarily...not necessarily.”

“Quackity? Quackity’s definitely not -- no, listen, Quackity’s definitely not for me, okay. I called him a whore. There’s definitely -- there’s definitely many things Quackity has against me.”

so here is my argument... Fundy’s insecurity started with Tommy.

Part 2 Development Of Those Feelings (Uncle Tommy you’re not Helping)

Fundy, growing disillusioned with Wilbur and L’manburg, lead to this one coversation between Fundy and Wilbur,

Wilbur: Well the uh- the ballot entries have closed now.

Fundy: Who's in it?

Wilbur: Well it originally was just gonna be me and Tommy, me and Tommy tired to do it so- tried to do it so we will be the only ones running, then suddenly out of nowhere Quackity joins and enters himself on the ballot-

Fundy: Ok.

Wilbur: -so it's me and Tommy against Quackity and someone else.

Fundy: Who's someone else?

Wilbur: We don't know yet, he hasn't announced,

Fundy: Wait then- oh, so it's just a random… sneaky person who put himself in the ballot not announced who he is.

Wilbur: yeah, yeah. I mean if you wanna try and convince Quackity that you wanna run against your father.

Fundy: Yeah ok.

Wilbur: Wait, you- you wouldn't though. 

Fundy: What if i win? What are- what are you gonna do?

Wilbur: Well then you'd be Vice President.

Fundy: but-What if i win?

Wilbur: Why do you want power in L'manburg so much?

Fundy: Why do you want power?

Wilbur: Because- i led the revolution, i'm your…  i'm your president.

Fundy: That's history.

Wilbur: Wh- d- Do you not think i-  i'm suitable to run for president?

Fundy: I think you are, but i think I am as well.

Wilbur: I don't know man. I don't- i think- i think you- i think you'd be s- i think you'd be getting into a fight you wouldn't want to start with me. You've only been on the positive side of me, you've only seen my nice side, because y'know? being my son you get- you get special- y'know? You won't ever see me going against you.

Fundy: Wait so you're a biased person going for presidency.

Wilbur: Biased to my son? Yes. But, if you're gonna run against me then i'm changing, i'll- i'll go guns blazing.

Fundy: I'll have a word with Quackity.

Wilbur: Fundy i…  i've got- i've got- i've got a bad feeling about this. I think you're just gonna… you're just gonna get hurt.

Fundy: That will happen-

.

Wilbur: Fundy yeah- Yeah someone in my chat just pointed out, Fundy you started the civil war.

Niki: I mean technically Sapnap started the civil war.

Fundy: I mean- i mean technically- Yeah y' know, technically- and i'm gonna win it! It's fine! I mean what does he have on me, really?

Wilbur: I thought it was you fighting Tubbo?

Fundy: what?

Wilbur: I thought civil war was you and Tubbo?

Fundy: No, Tubbo's just a prick.

Wilbur: Sapnap's not even- not even part of L’manburg how is it a civil war?

Fundy: I don't know you brought it up!

Wilbur: Tommy told me- Tommy told me it was Tubbo and Fundy.

Fundy: Yeah no Tommy is a little bit delusional.

Wilbur: I think i've spoiled you.

Fundy: How?

Wilbur: I think you need to learn some manners.

Fundy: I dunno- power seems nice.

Wilbur: Fine, you can run against me, it won't end well for you but you can give it a go.

Fundy: Like i said i'll- i'll have a word with Quackity i'll think of my actions, see what will happen, i'm not saying necessarily that i'll go against you, then again i'm not standing beside you because you may or may not be the father of L'manburg 

Wilbur: And you! The father of you!

Fundy: That's irrelevant. To-

Wilbur: No it's not irrelevant! It's very relevant to this!

Fundy: I don't-  i don't think that's relevant to presidency

I’ll talk over Wilburs pov here in a little bit but focusing on Fundy, 

He wants to run, other than everything we established before here Fundy wants to run to prove himself to himself, and we see the other part of this conflict more internally is,  

(“[..] may or may not be the father of L'manburg- “ , “ That's irrelevant.” )

 Well, here is the insecurity about Wilbur choosing L’manburg (here his position as president) over Fundy, the being second place to L’manburg part matters here becasue i think this is where Wilbur and Fundy fundamentally clash, so Fundy doesn’t want for it to matter to Wilbur, he doesn’t want for his position as son to have any influence over Wilbur here beacuse of this fear that that’s why he may be in the second place.

now let’s move on to,

Uncle Tommy ‘helps’

Fundy: “I’m wearing glasses…are you making fun of my eyesight?!”

Tommy: “Yes.”

Sapnap: “Your father would be very disappointed.”

Fundy: “Wh – disappointed for wearing glasses?!”

Tommy: “You got glasses, like what are you wearing…”

Fundy: “What do you mean?”

Tommy: “Sapnap, Sapnap, over here. Fundy, Fundy, Fundy, I’m really sorry to say this – I’m just here to publicly denounce you.”

Fundy: “…What?”

Tommy: “I just, I – yeah. You’re stinky, you’re shitty, the fur that’s sewn onto your skin, I look at it and I go (retching sounds) And whilst you’re a lovely guy, you’re actually not, you’re really…and all the viewers are like ‘oh no!’ But they can’t smell you. I can! Holy shit, you know? I mean you know, Sapnap…”

Fundy: “I showered two hours before the stream…”

Tommy: “I know, and that’s what makes it so remarkable, how you smell that terrible.”

Fundy: “I used coconut oil…it smells good…”

…

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

Fundy: “Being neutral is – is asshole?”

Tommy: “Yes. Come with me, Sapnap. Yeah, I’ve denounced you – well no no no, you were challenging him. You were challenging him.”

Fundy: “Denounced to what?”

Tommy: “I just – it’s just a formal way of saying you suck.”

(Tommy and Sapnap leave)

Fundy: “…They are mean…They are mean! Why are they so mean? That is so mean…”

Fundy: “Listen, it is one thing making fun of a person’s appearance…it is one thing making fun of a person’s blindness, but hey – don’t fucking make fun of my coconut oil! Listen dude…that shit smells tasty! That smells good! Man…that’s…god…coconut oil, man…dude.“

…

Fundy: “TNT their houses? That will just prove their point, chat. That will just prove their point. That will just prove their point…they’re just mean. They’re so mean. But it is okay, chat. It is okay. The reason why it’s okay…that’s actually true. Why is he talking to the enemy? Wait…wait a minute. Wait a minute! So let me get the story straight real quick.”

 “Chat…just hold up a second here! Hold on a second! So Tommy is demoting me, right? And he’s saying you’re only in L’manburg because of Wil. So Tommy says…in theory, he would kick me out if he had the chance. But considering that, while he’s together with Sapnap…it leads me to believe…Tommy wants to destroy L’manburg!”

“Why would he do that? Why would he team up with Sapnap? He had no correlation with this conversation at all. What was the reason for that?”

“…Do we have another traitor in our midst?”

…

Fundy: “Listen, Tommy, here’s a really interesting theory, alright…here’s an interesting theory, Tommy. I got a little theory on my mind! Listen, boy, we’re part of L’manburg, you and me. Wil as well, Tubbo, all of us, alright? And we’re supposed to be a union! Now here’s the thing! Here’s the thing. If you said, due to Wilbur I’m still basically part of L’manburg – in other terms saying that if it was on your hands you would get me out of there, right, why would you excessively bring Sapnap, out of all people, for that conversation alone?”

Tommy: “Shall I explain to you? It’s because, Fundy, we fucking need votes, Fundy. We need votes! This Quack City guy, son of BadBoyHalo? He’s just – he’s just, like, oh my god. We needed votes. And listen, Fundy–”

Fundy: “You basically just lost my vote, and I feel like that’s your purpose!”

Tommy: “You’re in L’manburg! You vote for us already – you vote for your own father, don’t be an idiot!”

Fundy: “I feel like you’re trying to bring us apart, Tommy. I feel like your goals are not supportive towards L’manburg at the moment…”

Tommy: “From my perspective, Sapnap hates you, Fundy. Sapnap hates you. And if I go listen, if I had to tier list all of the members of L’manburg, Fundy would be in D tier. He needs to hear that.”

Fundy: “…Tommy, are you Eret?”

Post the court debate Fundy was more decided on running on his own,

“Honestly, I feel like everything just needs to change. Honestly, I feel like neither of the parties have done enough right to deserve leadership, to deserve presidency in the first place. I feel like a lot of shit needs to change.”

Fundy didnt want to endorse any of the parties, SWAG2020 was endorsed by Dream, and he belived POG2020 to be corrupt because of the bribing Karl situation, so he was more keen on running on his own, and then came the public denouncing situaion.

Obviously Fundy was hurt by this, especially considering Sapnap was his enemy, and Tommy’s words didnt do Fundy’s and Wilburs already shaky relationship many favours, but his behaviour both pushed Fundy futher away from the POG party, and started Fundy’s ‘traitor Tommy’ theory that he shared with Niki after which the Coconut2020 party was formed.

Part 3 Wilbur is a oblivious dumbass but it makes sense now.

now lets look at Wilburs pov of things, which means we are coming back to the privilege line,

Wilbur: I don't know man. I don't- i think- i think you- i think you'd be s- i think you'd be getting into a fight you wouldn't want to start with me. You've only been on the positive side of me, you've only seen my nice side, because y'know? being my son you get- you get special- y'know? You won't ever see me going against you.

-----

JM: "no i- im sorry, im sorry, i'm sorry Fundy"

Fundy: 'I don't want this behavior again, alright."

JM: "no i wont- i wont-"

Fundy: 'Don't talk to my Dad OR my salmon Mother like that ever again, i will tell on you, keep it in mind. I have privilege to speak up against-"

JM: "i understand."

So coming back to this quote, i belive Wilbur didnt realize Fundy had these doubts about thier relationship, because he was used to Fundy sharing his problems with him, and he was left kinda drifting in an ‘why is my son suddenly against me now??’

Wilbur didnt realize Fundy’s feelings about him had changed, as in Fundy no longer WOULD come to him if he had any probems, because Fundy used to come to him with problems, ("I will tell on you.") But Tommy’s first comment knocked him down and the debate and the Sapnap-Tommy situation had as well and the denouncement, (which Wilbur also knew shit about) because he was already insecure about his place in L’manburg and Wilbur. AND he wouldn't come to Wilbur like he used to because Wilbur was the point of his insecurity even if he wasnt the couse of it.

So we see Wilbur kinda be sad and confused and misstepping becasue of that,

Wilbur: I don't know man. I don't- i think- i think you- i think you'd be s- i think you'd be getting into a fight you wouldn't want to start with me. You've only been on the positive side of me, you've only seen my nice side, because y'know? being my son you get- you get special- y'know? You won't ever see me going against you.

Fundy: Wait so you're a biased person going for presidency.

Wilbur: Biased to my son? Yes. But, if you're gonna run against me then i'm changing, i'll- i'll go guns blazing.

Fundy: I'll have a word with Quackity.

Wilbur: Fundy i…  i've got- i've got- i've got a bad feeling about this. I think you're just gonna… you're just gonna get hurt.

------

Wilbur: Tommy told me- Tommy told me it was Tubbo and Fundy.

Fundy: Yeah no Tommy is a little bit delusional.

Wilbur: I think i've spoiled you.

Fundy: How?

Wilbur: I think you need to learn some manners.

Fundy: I dunno- power seems nice.

Wilbur: Fine, you can run against me, it won't end well for you but you can give it a go.

-----

Wilbur: Wait, look who’s coming, look who’s coming.

Tommy: Uh oh!

Wilbur: My son. My boy.

Tommy: Your ex-son.

Wilbur: Yeah. Well, I mean, he’s still my son in blood, but, he’s just…

Tommy: You should put him up.

Wilbur: What d’you mean, put him up? What, for adoption?

Tubbo: For adoption.

Tommy: Yeah. You should see if Big Q will adopt him.

[They discuss Fundy’s Twitch Prime cape. He runs up on stage, to the microphone, and starts punching the air. He’s not in the same vc as them.]

Wilbur: What’s he doing, what’s he doing- what is this? What is this bit? What is he doing?

Tommy: What the fuck are you- no.

Wilbur: He’s just not- he’s not- he’s really upsetting me.

Tommy: Just- just- he’s not President is he? He’s got no manners, he has no manners. No etiquette.

Wilbur: Look, he’s supposed to be my son.

[Wilbur types in chat: “fundy talk to me” and Fundy immediately leaves the game.]

Tubbo: He is trying.

Tommy: Tubbo, you’re gonna get murdered, my friend.

Wilbutr: He said, he said, “I am here for the Presidencialcy-” He just left.

Tommy: And then he- [sighs] I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.

W: I don’t- I- It’s really sad, like I… Honestly, I- when he turned around to me and he said he wasn’t gonna vote for me, and then he decided he was gonna vote for the opposition, and then he decided he was gonna run against me, that was- one of those was the straw that broke my back. I’m not sure which one- I’m still contemplating which one was the- are you listening?

[Tommy has jumped off the podium to join Tubbo in the audience.]

Tpmmy: Yeah, I’m going down to Tubbo, I just- I’m just letting you vent, Wilbur, I want you to have time to vent.

Wilbur: Yeah I just- I miss me son! I miss me son! I miss when he was my boy! Do you remember when he was my boy?

Tommy: Yeah, I’m not really good at handling… People who are emotional.

Wilbur also didn’t know anything about the denouncement situation,

Sapnap: “Will you continue to have your son banished from L’Manberg if I vote for you?” 

Wilbur: “My son. My- My son. Look, we’re talking about politics here, I don’t want to talk about my family, if that’s alright. … I would like to say, thank you, Sapnap, for the question, I very much appreciate it, but I’m not gonna be fielding responses about my family situation, thank you.” (Alivebur)

*Wilbur proceeds to step off the podium and cry*

Wilbur: “Fundy...!” 

Besides that  fundamenatally Fundys and Wilburs views about the presidency oppose eachother,

“Tommy, I’m- I’m- I’m- I don’t know what to do, Tommy, I’ve never not been President.”

Fundy sees Wilbur and L'manburg as two separate things that he has to unfiairly contest with and for 

1. for Wilbur because of his fears, for a place among L’manburg members

2. Because He wants to prove himself to himself. he needs to know what Tommy said, isn’t true/he can thrive regardless without his fathers support he can still be a  great member of L’manburg and even a president

Wilbur sees himself as inherently connected trough L’manburg with everyone to the point that he thinks that without his position he cant do anything for his loved ones/ he wont be usefull. he thinks of l’manburg as something he does FOR all of them including Fundy.

“My son… My son is tearing down the walls, in front of me! My son is tearing down the walls in front of me! The walls I built to keep him safe! I promised him this world, Tommy, I promised him this world.”

----

 “Fundy was the closest thing I had to something I cared about in L’Manberg, when it all began. You know, when it started, the closest thing to anything I cared about was Fundy. Fundy was my, he was my, he was my boy! My rock!”

----

Ranboo: "I don't know if they actually needed me, but I was there.(about his work in the NLM cabinet)" 

Wilbur:"I know that feel." 

This why Fundy and Wilbur clash fundamentally here,

Fundy: Like i said i'll- i'll have a word with Quackity i'll think of my actions, see what will happen, i'm not saying necessarily that i'll go against you, then again i'm not standing beside you because you may or may not be the father of L'manburg 

Wilbur: And you! The father of you!

Fundy: That's irrelevant. To-

Wilbur: No it's not irrelevant! It's very relevant to this!

Fundy: I don't-  i don't think that's relevant to presidency

Part 4 Tommy WHY? (he is propably protective and and a tiny bit jealous )

----

Tommy: “Hey, you know about Fundy’s little rebellious stage he’s going through?”

Tommy: “Fundy, I’m just here to kinda let you know that I – if you weren’t Wilbur’s son, you would be out of L’manburg, alright? Just remember – you need to keep that relationship with your father. I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night. You need to pull your shit together young man.”

----

Tommy: “Shall I explain to you? It’s because, Fundy, we fucking need votes, Fundy. We need votes! This Quack City guy, son of BadBoyHalo? He’s just – he’s just, like, oh my god. We needed votes. And listen, Fundy–”

Fundy: “You basically just lost my vote, and I feel like that’s your purpose!”

Tommy: “You’re in L’manburg! You vote for us already – you vote for your own father, don’t be an idiot!”

Fundy: “I feel like you’re trying to bring us apart, Tommy. I feel like your goals are not supportive towards L’manburg at the moment…”

Tommy: “From my perspective, Sapnap hates you, Fundy. Sapnap hates you. And if I go listen, if I had to tier list all of the members of L’manburg, Fundy would be in D tier. He needs to hear that.”

----

Wilbur: Wait, look who’s coming, look who’s coming.

Tommy: Uh oh!

Wilbur: My son. My boy.

Tommy: Your ex-son.

Wilbur: Yeah. Well, I mean, he’s still my son in blood, but, he’s just…

Tommy: You should put him up.

Wilbur: What d’you mean, put him up? What, for adoption?

Tubbo: For adoption

---

Wilbur: He said, he said, “I am here for the Presidencialcy-” He just left.

Tommy: And then he- [sighs] I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.

W: I don’t- I- It’s really sad, like I… Honestly, I- when he turned around to me and he said he wasn’t gonna vote for me, and then he decided he was gonna vote for the opposition, and then he decided he was gonna run against me, that was- one of those was the straw that broke my back. I’m not sure which one- I’m still contemplating which one was the- are you listening?

[Tommy has jumped off the podium to join Tubbo in the audience.]

Tommy: Yeah, I’m going down to Tubbo, I just- I’m just letting you vent, Wilbur, I want you to have time to vent.

Wilbur: Yeah I just- I miss me son! I miss me son! I miss when he was my boy! Do you remember when he was my boy?

Tommy: Yeah, I’m not really good at handling… People who are emotional.

Besides Tommy genuinely wanting to get more votes during the dennoucemnt situation, his seconddary motive was well, he was protective over Wilbur, he noticed that what Fundy did during the debate hurt Wilbur, and kept acting bitter towards him from then on. ( “ I saw how asshole-y and bratty you were acting in the courtroom the other night.” / And then he- [sighs] I’m so sorry you have to deal with him.”  )

the he a was tiny bit jealous point IS more up in the air but we can compare this to how Tommy acted towards Ranboo just after leaving prison, when he learned of the c!beeduo marriage.

Quotes from @/kateis-cakeis, @/findingjoynweirdstuff, @/ace-enderchest and my own transcripts, thank you guys!

[atc74]

Eye of the Beholder

Warnings: Poor body image (?), slight angst, a little envy, a lot of fluff, and implied sexy times

Summary: Jensen is feeling less confident in himself lately and you think you know why. He has always been there for you, now you just need to show your husband he has no reason to be. 

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 1470

Written for: @breakthezone​ first quarter challenge, which was to choose one of two prompts. Mine is bolded below. 

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​, cause she is the best

A/N: So you know the pictures, the spread, the article in THAT magazine, featuring that beautiful soul, and that would cause any man to think less of himself, but I thought, what would go through Jensen’s head and how would I help him through it. 

Like Jensen’s Warmth? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

The cold snowy mountains were a stark contrast to the warm flatland of their home state, but Y/N was loving the quietness and solace of the northeast. Y/N pulled into the snow-covered driveway and started unloading the groceries. She planned accordingly and for weeks at a time; they didn’t have many delivery options out there. 

“Honey, I’m home! What do you say you come help me carry in and put away all this food and I make you a nice, juicy porterhouse for dinner?” Y/N called from the kitchen as she dropped the load on the counter. “Honey? Jay?” The house was mostly silent but then she heard it. The distinct smack of fists and feet hitting the heavy bag Jensen installed in the home gym. She sighed knowing this was the third day in a row Jensen had spent hours in the gym, working out until he was ready to drop. 

Y/N brought in the rest of the bags, stored the food, and changed her clothes. If she was going to join him in the gym, at least she could participate. It wasn’t like it was a hardship watching her husband in only a pair of shorts, his freckled skin dripping with sweat. 

She brought fresh water with her, setting it on the weight bench. He was breathing heavy, sweating, and red-faced. Jensen was not out of shape by any means, but he somehow had gotten it in his head that he needed to get into better shape. Maybe it was the pressure of becoming Soldier Boy, maybe it was that he was approaching his “mid-forties”, it could have been a few things, but Y/N thought she knew exactly what had prompted this new obsession. “Hey, honey.”

“Hey, babe,” he rasped, his breaths heavy with exertion, his hair soaking. “Just a few more minutes.” He landed another two punch kick combo. 

“Jay, you have got to take a break. You can’t keep going like this, hours a day, day after day,” Y/N pleaded with him. “This is enough for today.” 

“Yeah, okay. Maybe you’re right.” He stopped, hugging the bag tightly, holding on as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Go shower, I’ll get dinner started, okay?” Y/N smiled, kissing him softly. 

“You got it. I’m pretty sure I reek anyway.” 

Leafy greens and brightly colored vegetables covered the kitchen island as Y/N chopped and sliced away. The cuts of meat were sitting out to warm up before grilling, and a nice bottle of a full-bodied red was breathing on the table. Jensen emerged from the hallway leading from their bedroom about thirty minutes later, looking a little worse for the wear. He pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek, swiping a handful of peppers, too. 

“I saw that mister,” she smiled, leaning into his touch. “But I’m gonna let it slide just ‘cause you smell nice.” 

“Better than before?” 

“Oh, way better,” she laughed, turning and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Want to tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” 

“Nothing, babe. Just trying to stay in shape. I gotta get in that custom suit in a couple of weeks, and I ain’t getting any younger.” Jensen looked down, running a hand over his face, scratching at his beard. 

“That’s all, huh?”

“Yeah, just running isn’t gonna cut anymore. I have to keep up.” 

“Keep up with…?”

Jensen pretended he didn’t hear Y/N as he started helping with the salad. If he ignored the question, maybe she would let it go. It seemed to be working, for now, so he went with it, and continued to help her with dinner. 

“Jay, these look perfect!” Y/N gushed as she cut into the steak. She placed the bite in her mouth, the flavor exploding, and she moaned around it. “Oh my god, it's practically melting in my mouth!” 

“You made it easy with a superb cut of meat, babe,” Jensen shrugged, digging into his salad and grilled vegetables. 

All through dinner, Y/N noticed how he barely touched his meat or wine, but took extra helpings of the healthy stuff. She decided she would let it go, wanting to enjoy their meal, but soon enough, the dishes were cleared and leftovers stored. 

“Jay?” Y/N asked, rinsing the plate in her hand before handing it to her husband. “Can I ask you something?”

“Babe, you can ask me anything, you know that.” 

“And promise me you won’t get mad?” 

“I won’t get mad, but now I am a little suspicious,” Jensen raised one eyebrow, looking over at his wife. 

“Does your new workout regimen have anything to do with Jared’s spread in Men’s Health?” 

“No.” Jensen protested immediately. 

“Jay…” 

“Maybe,” he sighed, throwing the towel on the counter, then he turned, leaning against it. “Am I...soft?”

“Soft? I think you are the kindest, most generous, loving man I’ve ever known,” Y/N replied honestly. “I am lucky I found you and even luckier that you love me.” 

“Well, thank you for that, babe, but I was asking about my physical appearance,” Jensen hung his head, his voice getting quieter as he talked. “Do I have a ‘dad bod’?” 

“Jensen Ross Ackles, you listen to me right now. You have never looked better and you are in the best shape of your life. You just completed a 15 year run on the most successful sci-fi television show in history, you are stepping into an iconic role that you were hand-picked for, and if a ‘dad bod’ looks like this, then yes!” Y/N gestured to her husband while rambling on trying to make her point. “No, you know what? Come here, come sit down with me. Bring the wine.” 

Y/N sat down with her laptop, intent on showing her husband the proof he needed to believe her and believe in himself. Jensen sat down next to her, handing her a fresh glass, as she pulled up photo after photo on the screen. 

“Do you see what I see?”

“No, I see a skinny kid from Texas with no hair on his chest and barely-there abs,” he scoffed. 

“Okay, you still don’t have chest hair, but what else do you see?” She prompted him again. 

“A pudgy mid-section and that was before I turned 40!” 

“Do you want to know what I see?” 

“You’re biased.” 

“You’re damn right I am, but I do know that your fans, the Dean-girls, well, they’re not wrong. Did you know that according to several fan sites, you and Dean have way more fans than Jared and Sam? And are you telling me that millions of people are wrong?”

“Millions?” he asked skeptically. 

“Okay, well, maybe not millions, but a lot! But I see a man that is in better shape than he was twenty years ago. I see a skinny kid from Texas too. But I also see a man who now is in the best shape of his life and way sexier than that skinny kid.. What is it that you’re always telling me when I complain about my baby muffin top or my thunder thighs?”

“That bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and beauty isn’t defined by your body shape; it’s defined by your soul and you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.” 

“Okay, and I usually argue with you when you do, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. We are our own worst critics, you know that. But I see a healthy body and strong arms. Arms that hold me better than any others on the planet. Arms that hold our children and comfort them when they are hurt. I see a sexy mind and a stunning soul, one that was made for me.” 

“Okay, I think that is enough wine for you,” Jensen reached for the glass, but you moved it out of his reach. 

"Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me?"

“Fine, it could have been a smile.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah, my exceptionally sexy wife made a pretty good point.” 

“Oh? Tell me more.”

“Well, she may also be the smartest person I know. She always knows just what to say when my dumbass is being, well a dumbass.” 

“Yeah, I am pretty damn smart. Because you know what else I did? I made arrangements for your visiting parents to keep the children overnight so they can swim until they pass out.”

“Wow, that is pretty smart. You know, I’ve been working out and I bet I could carry you all the way upstairs without breaking a sweat.”

“Oh, you’re on Ackles, but you are wrong about one thing.”

“What’s that?” 

“We will definitely be working up a sweat!”

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean​ @dolphincliffs​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @flamencodiva​ @blacktithe7​  @amanda-teaches​ @hannahindie​  @kickingitwithkirk​  @wi-deangirl77​ @hobby27​​ @gh0stgurl​ @alleiradayne​ @idreamofplaid​ @manawhaat​ @crashdevlin​  @fangirlxwritesx67​ @winchesterprincessbride​ @waywardbeanie​ @jensengirl83​ @anathewierdo3467​  @winchest09​ @michellethetvaddict @magssteenkamp @waywardbaby  thewinchesterandreidwhore @anathewierdo

The Jensen’s Jamboree: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @supernatural-jackles​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @akshi8278​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​ @deanwanddamons​ @rockhoochie​

[starshine583]

New Girl on the Block (4)

(Y’all ready to read the next update??? Enjoy part four of this fic and if you’re interested, feel free to check out the mini series connected to this called the Journal Entries. It’s just little journal snippets from the two dorks that I decided to write for fun :D)

Ch.1 / Ch.3 / Ch.5

Chapter 4: Get to Know You

Marinette slipped on her white, non-flour-covered leather jacket and pushed her pigtails back so they wouldn’t be tucked into her outfit. She then smoothed out her pink dress with a smile, admiring the black flowers that she’d stitched along the bottom. This dress had been one of her stress-relieving projects, but it turned out quite well, in her opinion.

Once Papa had finished teaching her friends how to fold the dough, he put their croissants into the fridge to chill them and instructed everyone to go upstairs and wash up. Marinette dutifully took them up to her room where her personal bathroom was and taught them how to use the shower, but when she tried to lead one of them to her parent’s bathroom as well, they insisted that she take a shower there herself. 

“What kind of gentlemen would we be if we forced the ladies to wait on us?” Claude had said light-heartedly, though she could tell he meant it. Allegra’s smirk as she walked in the bathroom to take a shower first was proof of that. 

The notion had warmed Marinette’s heart, coaxing a giggle from her each time she thought about it. It might be hard to see sometimes, but Claude, Allan, and Felix truly were a considerate and chivalrous group of boys. 

Now, She’s finished her shower in her parent’s bathroom and gone back up to her bedroom, where Allegra, Claude, and Allan had been patiently waiting. Allegra was nice and clean again, wearing the long, purple shirt and black leggings that Marinette had given her, and Claude appeared to have just exited the shower, his damp hair sticking to his face and dripping across his borrowed, black and blue “O.K” shirt. Allan was still covered in flour.

Allegra smiled at Marinette from her spot on the chaise as she re-braided her long, golden blonde hair. “Thanks for the extra clothes, Mari! These are amazing.”

“Yeah!” Claude agreed enthusiastically, holding out his with a grin. “This shirt is awesome!”

Marinette glanced down to hide her blush. “I-It’s the least I could do.”

“We still appreciate it.” Allan replied.

“Oh!” Marinette said, suddenly thinking about the fact that Allan was still covered in flour. “Allan, do you want to use Maman’s shower? You don’t have to stand around waiting for Felix.”

That who she assumed was occupying the shower, anyway. The water was still running, and everyone but Felix was present. 

Allan waved a hand. “Nah, it’s fine. I’ll be getting a shower soon if Felix would hurry up.”

Marinette chuckled at Allan’s obvious call to Felix, even more so when Felix shouted back from the bathroom, “You’re the one that let me go first!”

“I didn’t know you would take a day and a half!” 

“That’s still your fault then, isn’t it?” Felix shot back.

Allan scoffed and crossed his arms, causing Marinette to offer her parent’s shower again out of guilt. She had been the one to throw flour on him, after all.

“Are you sure you don’t want to-”

The bathroom door swung open, effectively cutting Marinette off, and Felix stepped out with one hand on his hip and the other hand on the towel that was draped across his head. He shot Allan a glare, practically growling the words, “There. I’m out. Are you happy?”

“Delighted.” Allan responded sarcastically.

Marinette might have been concerned about the growing conflict had she not been focused on Felix’s outfit. Or rather, how well it suited him. The black, three-quarter-sleeved shirt that she’d given him, along with the plaid green, button-up shirt she’d provided to go underneath, clung to his waist, revealing his surprisingly slender figure. The dark grey jeans he wore in place of his dress pants didn’t fit the outfit exactly, but they worked well enough, and Marinette eagerly started taking mental notes for future adjustments.

Allan grabbed his clothes and walked into the bathroom, while Felix glared daggers at him until the bathroom door closed. 

“Woah~” Allegra crowed, easily breaking the tension. “You should wear casual outfits more often, Felix. They really suit you.”

Claude smirked. “No kidding. I swear you’ve worn the same suit for the whole two years we’ve known.”

Felix turned his glare to Claude with a scoff. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve worn plenty of suits, each one made differently.”

Allegra snorted. “That wasn’t.. That was not the point, Felix.”

Felix narrowed his eyes, the barest hint of confusion finding its way to his features, and Marinette took that opportunity to speak up.

“How’s the outfit? Does it fit alright?” She asked. Hopefully she can find the original measurements for the outfit if it does fit fine, because Felix was most likely going to become a regular customer. Maybe he wouldn’t hire her for actual commissions, but she might end up making something for him on impulse. (as you do)

Felix caught her eye, his glare slowly fading as he registered her question.

“The fabric is extremely comfortable, and the clothes fit perfectly.” He said after a moment. “You said you made these?”

She nodded. “With my sewing machine. I was thinking of putting a green paw print on the shirt too, but I haven’t gotten around to it.”

Felix hummed, idly pulling his towel from on top of his head to around his shoulders. “I see. Thank you for lending them to me.”

Marinette blinked, suddenly finding herself captivated by the way his hair fell across his face. Still being damp, various strands stuck to his forehead and cheeks, and he reached up to brush them away. This brought her attention to his face, which, for some reason, she hadn’t quite noticed before. The defined jawline, the subtle-yet-there cheek bones, the pointed nose- all of his features were sharp. Even his eyes held a silver tint to them that reminded her of steel. 

These observations dragged her to one, rather important revelation: Felix Culpa was actually a fairly handsome person.

“Marinette?” Felix said, drawing her from her thoughts. “Are you alright?”

A rush of heat swarmed her cheeks, and Marinette straightened. “W-what? I mean yes! Yeah, I’m totally fine, I.. yes.”

“Hey, speaking of clothes!” Claude piped up, graciously saving Marinette from her own awkwardness. “How’s my prince costume going?”

Marinette twirled around in her rolling chair and grabbed for her sketching notebook. A distraction was definitely something she needed right now.

“I’ve got a few different ideas, but you need to come tell which one you like best.” She explained as she flipped open the notebook.

Claude hopped up from the stray chest he’d been sitting on and practically bounced over to her seat. She let him scan each page, smiling when he started humming “Ooh’s” and “Aah’s”.

“I can only pick one?! But they’re all so good!” Claude remarked, almost exasperated.

Marinette chuckled. “Well.. I guess I can make all of them for you, but you at least need to choose which one I start on.”

Claude gasped. “You mean you’re going to make all of these for me?”

“It’s going to take a month or so to get them all done.” She warned. “But-”

Claude scooped her into a bone-crushing hug, briefly reminding her of her father. “Thank you, Mari! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best!”

Marinette laughed and gave him a light pat on the arm. “You’re welcome.”

Her smile widened as Claude eagerly grabbed the notebook and ran back to his designated chest to look through the drawing again. It was nice to see someone who was also enthusiastic about fashion. She’d gotten tired of talking to people who simply didn’t understand the hype of creating unique styles of clothing. 

“You know he’s never going to leave you alone now, right?” Felix commented next to her.

Marinette offered him a glance as she said, “I think I can live with that.”

Felix shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

She smiled at that. Felix may be striking, but that didn’t have to change anything. Lots of people were striking. And lots of people remained friends despite that.

“Oh,” Felix muttered, seeming to remember something, “Where do you want me to put my clothes? They’re still in the bathroom because of Allan, but..”

“Uhm.. I think Maman said she was going to wash them.” Marinette answered. “She wanted to try to get them clean before supper for all of you.”

“Ah, supper.” Claude cut in, heaving a jokingly wistful sigh. “I can’t wait for that. If your mom’s croissants can taste that heavenly, then her full meals must be amazing.”

He sunk against the chest for emphasis, not realizing that there was a gap between the chest and the wall. The sudden weight threw the chest off balance, and it tipped forward, causing Claude to get jerked backwards. He flailed his arms briefly and yelped before crashing to the floor. The front of the chest hit the ground as well, and the impact popped it open, scattering various objects across the floor.

“Oh, Claude!”

“Are you okay?” 

The girls rushed to his side to help him up, but Felix shot him a flat look.

“First the kitchen and now her bedroom.” He said curtly. “Should we tear up the living room next? Or perhaps the dining room has more fragile items?”

Allegra rolled her eyes. “Felix, can you at least try to be sympathetic.��

“I am being sympathetic. Marinette doesn’t have the money to replace things at the drop of a hat like we do. It’s rude to behave so recklessly in her home.”

Marinette glanced up at Felix, not sure whether to find his words sweet or offensive. “Trust me, it’s fine. This chest is old anyway.”

Felix’s frown told her that he didn’t agree on the matter, but before he could argue further, the bathroom door swung open again.

“What happened?” Allan asked, his hair still dripping wet. “I heard the crash. Is anyone hurt?”

“Only my pride.” Claude groaned in response. He was sitting up now and rubbing his head as Allegra switched between scolding and coddling.

Allan sighed with relief. “Oh, good. You can’t hurt something that’s not there.”

“Hey!”

Marinette giggled at the comment. “Allan, how is your outfit? Do I need to make any adjustments?”

Allan glanced down at his clothes. She’d given him a maroon shirt with a blue heartbeat line in the center, a black and blue shirt to go underneath, and a pair of black jeans. He didn’t appear to be wearing the second shirt, though.

“Oh, they fit great.” He said, twisted his torso a bit to get a better feel for the new clothes. “I didn’t have time to put on the second shirt, though. I heard the crash and panicked.”

Marinette offered him a smile. “That’s fine. I can just put it back in the closet.”

Allan nodded and looked down at the mess. “So Claude spilled this chest?”

“Yeah, he was being an idiot.” Allegra remarked as she picked up one of the trinkets. “You know. Nothing new.”

“Wow. can you guys lay off for two seconds?” Claude huffed. He reached forward to pick up one of the objects as well, curiosity overtaking his annoyance. “What is all of this stuff, anyway?”

Marinette glanced at the miscellaneous objects to check- she had several trunks that acted as ‘junk drawers’ -and immediately cringed when she recognized a black hat with rainbow colors stitched along the bottom.

“Oh..” It was Adrien’s gift chest. She’d almost forgotten that she had it. “They’re, um.. They’re just crafts, really.”

“Just crafts?” Claude repeated, holding up a crocheted Ladybug doll. “These are awesome!”

Marinette watched them for a moment. “...do you want them?”

The group looked up in shock, and Marinette quickly added, “Y-You don’t have to take them! I’ve just.. Uh.. they’re like junk? I mean, not junk, but this is my junk chest.. Sort of. I’ve just been meaning to get rid of them. So if you want them, you can have them.” 

Allegra frowned. “Are you sure? It looks like you put a lot of effort into these.”

Marinette nodded. “Positive. Take whatever you want.”

Although hesitant at first, the group continued to look through the gifts, and little by little, they started to take some. A smile came to Marinette’s lips as she watched the pile of Adrien junk dwindle. She had spent a lot of time on making the presents, but there was no way she’d be giving them to Adrien now. So what was the point of keeping them in her room? To serve as a mocking reminder of how blind she had been while loving him? No thanks.

By the time they were done, the chest only had half the gifts it used to, and Marinette quickly decided that she would donate the leftovers once she got the chance. 

“Thanks for the stuff, Mari!” Claude said cheerfully, his hands full of various objects.

Allegra nodded, holding a few things herself. “Yeah, you really do spoil us.”

“Which is saying something, considering we’re rich.” Allan teased, pocketing the two items that he’d decided to snatch. 

Marinette chuckled. “You’re helping me more than I am you.”

She stood up and walked to the bathroom to grab the boys’ old clothes. “I’m gonna bring these down to Maman, but feel free to look around until I get back.”

The group voiced their agreements, and Marinette climbed down the trapdoor ladder with the pile of clothes in hand, feeling like another weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

Getting rid of Adrien’s gifts was one more step towards happiness, and she couldn’t wait to keep walking.

~~~~~~

One can tell a lot about a person by their bedroom. How clean they were, whether they were sentimental, which things they found important- a bedroom could quite literally be considered a box in which someone stored their entire personality. That’s why Felix had been anticipating this part of the visit. Someone can be a master manipulator, but their room would always show their true selves. And it only took one look for Felix to know..

Marinette really loved the color pink.

Seriously, she had it everywhere. The walls, the furniture, the carpet- How was she not sick of the color by now? Felix was sick of it, and he’d only been there for about twenty minutes!

Pushing the pink thought aside, he continued poking around her room. Marinette had gone downstairs to pass his clothes off to her mother, so that gave him a bit of time to inspect the space unsupervised. Not that he was planning on doing anything scandalous. It merely gave him the opportunity of observing Marinette’s room on his own terms.

When she told him that her room was up in the attic, he’d been understandably shocked. The attic didn’t sound like a spacious place to sleep, let alone work on homework and other personal things. Seeing it now, though, Felix realized that that wasn’t the case. The attic was actually quite open. There was a desk, a closet, various chests, a bathroom, and she still had a good portion of the room empty. He wondered if that was thanks to the original size of the room or thanks to Marinette’s resourcefulness.

Her cleaning style wasn’t too bad, either. Don’t get him wrong, there were things scattered everywhere, but it was a specific type of scattered, like an organized chaos. He had a feeling that she knew where most of her necessities were. 

Felix moved to her desk, where most of the mess was focused. There were papers, sewing needles, scraps of fabric, and pencils spread across the surface. Her interest in fashion certainly shined through, as most of the papers were filled with various sketches and measurements. He found that admirable. When someone usually speaks of their ‘dream job’, they speak of it as a fantasy, one that they never intend to fully pursue, but Marinette was obviously reaching as high as she could to grasp her goal. She even had a mannequin in her room.

“Marinette’s room is so cool!” Claude exclaimed from the loft up top. “She even has a balcony!”

Felix glanced upwards, briefly setting the papers he’d been studying aside. There’s a balcony upstairs? He didn’t recall seeing a balcony on the way in.

“Claude, you have a balcony.” Allegra reminded him with an amused smile.

“Yeah, but mine only extends from the side of the building.” Claude defended. “This one’s on the roof!”

Ah, so that’s why Felix hadn’t seen it.

Allan frowned. “Really? Isn’t that a little dangerous?”

“It’s got a rail.” 

“Oh, okay. That’s fine then.”

Allegra chuckled as she brushed her hands against the hat on Marinette’s mannequin. “Marinette’s room is pretty neat, though.”

“I think it’s just Marinette who’s cool.” Allan remarked.

Allegra and Claude heartily agreed, and Felix nodded. “Cool” probably wouldn’t be the exact word that he’d use to describe her, but overall, it wasn’t far off.

“Can you believe we’ve only known her for a week?” Claude asked as he climbed down to their level. “It feels like we’ve known her forever already.”

“Yeah, but I think that’s just how she is.” Allegra smiled. “She draws you in and makes you feel like family.”

“Her parents are the same way.” Allan said. “You can really tell where she gets it from.”

“Where who gets what from?” 

Felix, along with the rest of the group, turned to the trapdoor, where Marinette was standing about halfway through. She didn’t have the clothes anymore, but she did have a tray of drinks.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Allegra said dismissively. “What are those?”

Marinette set the tray on the ground long enough to climb through and close the trapdoor as she explained, “Maman and Papa thought you guys might be thirsty, so she sent me up with a bunch of different drinks to choose from.”

“Sweet!” Claude grinned, swiftly walking over in case she needed help. “Do you have Dr. Pepper?”

Marinette smiled and turned the tray to reveal a deep red can of soda. “Yep! I know it’s your favorite.”

“You truly are a blessing.” Claude replied, grabbing the soda off of the tray.

Marinette giggled and brought the tray forward for the rest of them to pick. Allegra chose a pepsi, while Allan snagged a coke, and Felix grabbed the slim cup of coffee that sat to the side.

He took a sip of it, enjoying the warmth of the bitter liquid. It didn’t escape his notice that Marinette had brought up all of their preferred drinks. She even got his coffee right (Black with three sugars). 

Despite how scatter-brained she could be, Marinette still paid attention to details, which was impressive. Felix didn’t know anyone else who could space out during an entire conversation, yet remember the exact type of drink everyone ordered during lunch.

“So what do you guys want to do now? We still have about half an hour before supper is finished.” Marinette asked, setting the tray aside. 

Allan shrugged. “What do you have?”

Marinette thought for a moment. “Well, we have board games, card games, Mecha Strike 3-”

“Mecha Strike 3?” Claude perked up. “Yes, please!”

Marinette laughed. “Is everyone else okay with that?”

“Sounds great.” Allan smiled.

Allegra shrugged. “I’m fine with it.” 

Felix, being satisfied with his inspection for now, sat down on the chaise. “I’ll watch.”

The rest of the group huddled around Marinette’s computer while she turned it on, and after a bit of debating, they decided on ‘winner faces next player’ and started with Allan and Claude. Felix watched the first two games, just long enough to see Marinette cream Allan, before reverting back to his studious ways. He scanned the bedroom again, hoping to catch something new, when his gaze landed on the trunk that Claude had tipped over earlier. With everyone bustling around it, Felix hadn’t gotten a chance to sift through it, but now that they were occupied with Marinette’s game..

Felix shifted in his seat and re-opened the chest. It was only half full, as opposed to its previously overflowing contents, but that didn’t bother him. There were still plenty of things inside, such as shirts, figurines, hats, and other things. He pulled out a jacket and turned it in his hands, admiring the handiwork. The hood, along with the cuffs of the sleeves and zipper were pitch black, but the rest of the jacket was a deep red, save for the black spots that littered it. “Miraculous” was written on the back in cursive as well. Was this supposed to be based off of the Parisian superhero Ladybug? Why would she want to get rid of this? At the very least, she could make a profit by selling it.

What did she use to make this? The material is so soft.. Felix thought as he unzipped the jacket. It was completely black on the inside, save for some tiny, golden lettering near the section wear the pocket would be.

“To: Adrien

From: Marinette”

Felix frowned. How strange. Why would Marinette be giving away things that she made specifically for someone else? He dug through the chest some more, this time looking for names, and what he found was shocking. 

Almost every gift had the name ‘Adrien’ on it somewhere, whether it be a card or stitching or marker. Some gifts didn’t have a name, but at that point, Felix felt it was safe to assume that everything in the chest was supposed to be for this ‘Adrien’ person. 

That begged the question, though: Who was Adrien? And why would she create so many gifts for him just to give them away?

A small card stitched on the ear of a stuffed cat gave him his answer.

“Dear Adrien, 

Happy 19th birthday! It’s officially been five years since we’ve known each other. Isn’t that crazy? Anyway, I just wanted to say happy birthday (even though I’ve already said it) and that I’m really happy we got to meet. Enjoy the cat!

With all my love, Marinette”

Felix glanced up at Marinette, who was blissfully ignorant of his findings as she defeated Claude for the second time at Mecha Strike 3. Did she intend to use all of these as birthday presents? How many gifts were in there? Did she expect this person to have the same interests twenty years from now? He couldn’t decide if this level of planning was due to over-thinking or just plain obsession. Maybe both.

“Hey, Felix!” 

Felix flinched at the sudden call of his name, weirdly feeling as if he’d been caught in the act of some crime. He looked up to see Claude waving a controller at him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to play?” The brunette asked.

“Talk to me when you have chess.” Felix replied shortly, going back to the chest. He had hoped that seeing Marinette’s room would provide more answers to her life, but it only issued more questions. Did she have this amount of gifts for all of her friends or was Adrien special? If he was special, what way would it be? Was he possibly an ex-lover? She dated him for a while, and they had a recent falling out, which was why she was getting rid of the gifts. That would make sense.

“He just wants to talk.”

Her words from last week resurfaced in his mind. The person who chased her that day was the only one she reacted bitterly towards. Was Adrien trying to get back together with her? 

Was he the reason she left her old school in the first place?

My, my Dupain-Cheng. Felix thought. Aren’t you just full of secrets?

Tag List:  @artbyknigit @athena452 @nickristus-dreamer @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @arsaem @abrx2002 @neakco @pawsitivelymiraculous @too0bsessedformyowngood @nathleigh @lusicing @officiallydarkgeek @all-mights-asscheeks @tbehartoo @woe-is-me0 @raeuberprinzessin @lazuli-11 @miss-chaos27 @trippingovermyfeet @sadpotatoondrugs @ladybug-182 @jaggedheart11 @marinahrasauce

[smells-like-mettaton]

Rating: G

Summary: Mettaton brings home a strange skeleton child.  With his now-skeletal cousin Chara unwilling to explain their origins or identity, he falls back Alphys's original assumption: that this child belongs to him and Papyrus.  Now he just has to convince Papyrus to play along... and convince himself that it's all just part of the show.

Word Count: 901  |  Chapter 1/?

Notes: this was supposed to be for Alphys week, but it took a fun turn into something completely different.  Can’t promise quick updates because I am juggling way too many fics already but I couldn’t stop myself from playing with this dslkjfsd

XXX

Alphys needed to get a bigger couch.  Or a guest room, or, or something.  Or maybe she just needed to learn how to make her doors phase-proof.  (She was sure she’d made the electronic lock impossible to hack, so Mettaton must have retained some of his ghost abilities, no matter how much he played ignorant.) 

Anyway.  It wasn’t like she minded her friends crashing in her living room.  But the small skeleton monster flopped on Mettaton’s chest was definitely not one she’d seen before. 

And, well, there were only so many possibilities for where an unfamiliar skeleton child could’ve come from.  The thought was both incredibly awkward, and sort of validating?  She’d written plenty of Papyton fanfiction, but she’d never imagined that the two of them would… well!  

“M-Mettaton?”  She shook one of his shoulder plates before remembering that she’d have to unplug his charging cable.  

He bolted upright when she did so.  

“Alphys?” He rubbed his eyes and stretched luxuriously, not acknowledging the child lying on him at all.  “What is it, darling? You know how I feel about my charging cycle being interrupted.”

“Um.  W-well, I was just coming downstairs for some two AM ramen—th-that’s not important, though—anyway! I just?  Wondered if you knew, um, that there’s a kid on you?”

Mettaton looked down at his lap, where the tiny skeleton had slid down without waking.  He didn’t look surprised, though he did suddenly appear uncomfortable.

“Well.  Welly well well.”  He cleared his throat.  “Can’t this wait until morning?”

“N-not if you’re going to keep living on my couch!” She had to put her foot down somewhere!  “I don’t have anything ch-childproofed!  What if they get into my lab and hurt themself?  Besides, shouldn’t you be sleeping with Papyrus if you…”

Her face heated.  Mettaton looked confused for a moment before her words sunk in.

“Oh.  You.  Ha ha.  Alphys, darling, you have the wrong idea.”  He forced a grin.

“Then surely you can explain why you’re sleeping with a skeleton child that clearly feels comfortable with you?”

The child let out a soft snore.  Alphys couldn’t tell how old they were—they didn’t look like a baby, but then again, she was no expert on the skeleton life cycle.  Especially if one of the parents happened to be a ghost-slash-robot.  They were wearing an MTT-Brand striped sweater, at least, so they definitely weren’t just a small skeleton like Sans.

Oh my gosh.  SANS.  Alphys’s eyes went wide.

“If Papyrus isn’t the other father, th-then is it—?”

A look of horror crossed Mettaton’s face.

“It’s not Sans.  Ew.”

“Oh thank goodness.” She let out a sigh of relief.  Besides, she was pretty sure Sans had a thing for Toriel.

“This whole situation is… complicated, darling.” Mettaton looked away.  “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you.  I didn’t know that they would be staying with me, or I would have booked a room at the resort.”

Alphys never understood why Mettaton didn’t stay at his resort anyway.  But she usually appreciated the company, so she never asked.  She liked to think that maybe he just liked to hang out with her, like they used to back when they were both just giant losers.

“Okay,” she relented.  “I know more than anyone about secrets.  I won’t force you to talk about it if you’re not ready.”  

She stared down at the little skeleton, who was still sleeping peacefully.  They certainly didn’t share Papyrus’s insomnia—assuming he really was the other father.  Alphys still couldn’t think of any other sensible explanation.

Mettaton gratefully took her hand and kissed the top of her knuckles.

“You’re the best of the best, Alphys.” 

She was supposed to add a but afterwards, but Mettaton still looked exhausted.  She’d get better answers out of him in the morning.

Failing that, she could always talk to the little skeleton themself.

“Yeah, yeah, save the flattery for your fans.  Or your boyfriend.”

She couldn’t help smirking when he blushed.

“Ha ha… yes. Of course.”

She picked up his charging cord, but before plugging it in, she looked back over her shoulder.

“Um, I forgot to ask,” she said. “What’s their name?”

“Their—their name?”  Mettaton’s eyes were as blank as a crashing copy of Windows Vista.

“They do have a name, right?” Her brow furrowed.  “Skeletons are named after their fonts, aren’t they?”

“Yes! Um, typically.  You see, my… child… is not an ordinary skeleton, in the traditional sense…”

Alphys closed her eyes and waved a hand.  “Okay, okay.  I don’t need to know how they were created, thanks.”

Mettaton chuckled.  “Please, darling.  I wouldn’t share anything vulgar.  I was just going to say that as they have Blook heritage, they will get to choose their own name, when they are ready.  Which they most definitely are not.  So please do not ask them or anyone else about it.”

“R-right.”  Ghosts could be touchy about names; she should have seen that coming.  At least she now knew for sure that the skeleton child was his.  “Well, um, goodnight then?  And? Let me know if they need anything??”

“Of course, beautiful.  Thank you.” 

The statement was less flowery than usual, but she could feel the weight behind it.  She smiled back and plugged in his cable.

As he powered down, she went back upstairs to her room.  Who needed ramen when she had a new Papyton fanfic to draft?

[baeshijima]

Ushijima Wakatoshi : A Character Analysis

A 100 Follower Special

this will be an analysis on the king that is ushijima wakatoshi and why the majority is wrong about his personality. i hope that this will open your eyes and help you to realise that he is not how everyone makes him out to be.

and no, i do not take criticism—

(this does contain slight manga spoilers for those who have not read the manga / finished the manga)

—

okay. so. i’m going to start off by saying that i have seen a lot — and i mean a lot — of cases where fans and writers have mischaracterized wakatoshi as someone who is robotic, cold, antagonistic and dumb. that is, in no way, the case at all. i completely disagree with these notions put onto him, just because it’s convenient in terms of writing or discussion. he’s labelled as such due to his personality and by how most only skim the tip of the iceberg that is ushijima wakatoshi. sure, he may be blunt, but that’s just how he is. personally, i believe that his family history and childhood is a major factor that plays into how he presents himself. consider this:

his mother comes from a traditional family, which may very well be influential. the family name is inherited from that side and not his father’s, which could also be proof of the power the ushijimas have over the utsui’s. their control over the family is also displayed in that flashback during season 3 episode 7: obsession and chapter 176: fresh where they were having the discussion of “fixing” wakatoshi’s left-handedness, and saying “we’ve always made sure an ushijima writes with the proper hand”. the only reason wakatoshi is left-handed is due to his father’s persistence and support.

he was the one who introduced him to volleyball.

he was the one who fought and protected his gift.

he was the one who inspired wakatoshi to pursue volleyball with the stories of the dependable ace.

he was the one who supported him.

wakatoshi’s parents got a divorce later on, most likely around the time he was about to start middle school and, if that were the case, that would make him around twelve years old.

twelve.

after that, he stayed in the dorms and with his mother, so there wasn’t really anyone who expressed their emotions around him or got him to open up. his father was the only person who was expressive around him, but he left for america. his mother and grandmother are most likely very stoic and serious people (hence his personality) and the kids who attended school with him were — in all likelihood — intimidated by his presence, just the same as in high school. therefore, he had no one but himself to rely on and trust. he grew up independant, but most likely sheltered from the world; hence his obliviousness that’s shown at times and his blunt personality comes from his mother, which is the root of his unfiltered words.

moving on to his personality.

as you already know (and previously stated), wakatoshi is a blunt person. he doesn’t beat around the bush nor does he sugarcoat his words for the sake of others. he sees no reason to because, what’s the benefit to it? what will he or they gain from softening the blow of the truth? in his eyes, he probably finds it much easier and more practical to tell them straight up what the problem is and, in turn, that caused him to say whatever’s on his mind regardless of the situation and regardless of the possible consequences.

he’s only stating the truth.

and the truth can hurt.

with his personality, i wouldn’t be surprised if he would think beating around the bush and sugar coating his words is in the same category as lying, as well as the fact he just sees no use in not telling things as they are.

to him it’s more convenient, efficient and, if the other party chooses to listen to his words of advice, then they will be benefitted.

the fact that he's blunt and says things how they are means he's genuine and believes that honesty is the best way to go.

furthermore, he is not dumb and he is most definitely not insensitive to the feelings of others. yes, he may be oblivious but he isn’t stupid. he knows the difference between right and wrong. he knows if there’s a problem or if his teammates are off because he’s observant. and it shows very clearly during the post shiratorizawa vs karasuno game. if you’ve seen it then you should by all means not be surprised when i say he’s observant.

if you are then what were you watching?

he straight up told and advised all the younger years on what they could improve on.

every.

single.

one.

even when goshiki was having that inner monologue, you could still hear him giving tips to them. they could have easily cropped that out in the anime.

but they didn’t.

they added that in, and i think more people should acknowledge that.

the fact that he's the captain of a powerhouse team (the strongest in miyagi and one of the top in japan at the time no less) is not only due to his strength as "tohuku's canon" like the majority think.

his teammates allowed him to be captain because they know he's reliable and they can always count on him when things get tough, they know he's the best fit to lead them, they know he cares for them in his own way but he has a hard time communicating it or showing it in a way they're used to from others.

and they're fine with it.

on top of that, they endearingly address him as a "super volleyball nerd / idiot" and i think that shows a lot on it's own

for one, it means that the third years are a lot closer than they seem at first. i think many often forget that all of them address wakatoshi by his first name, which shows how close they are to him (even if he doesn't reciprocate the act, they know he cares for and looks out for them too)

it also suggests that wakatoshi only has volleyball on his mind and volleyball only; or at least the majority is filled with just volleyball. it showcases his dedication to the sport that his father introduced him to and i think that displays just how committed he can be to something that he takes an immense liking or interest in.

and the fact he was inspired by the ace his father talked so admirably about? that he wanted to be just like in the future? who made his father proud and even watched all his televised matches while abroad?

he came so far not only in luck for his left hand but because of his hard work and dedication that he put into the sport itself. all that time and effort he invested because he just knew that was what he was going to be doing in the future; he could see it and kept going at it and look where he is now.

i think another key factor to his character is the fact that he was the only person to have actually told oikawa, to his face, just how amazing he is.

he could have easily just complimented him once and left it at that. he could have just said praises behind his back. he could have not even said anything at all.

but no.

he went through all the effort to seek him out during tournaments to both compliment him to his face and persuade him to join shiratorizawa so he could set for him. wakatoshi acknowledged his true skills as a setter and told him upfront, when others would keep it to themselves.

i think the fact he actively sought after him plays a big role too, in the essence that oikawa never felt like he was enough because he never received genuine, face-to-face praise.

i think those on his team, either said it in passing or didn't say anything because they already know he's amazing and assume he doesn't need to hear it since he hears it all the time (whether it's be from fangirls or from random players). but oikawa just wanted genuine, true praise for his skills after feeling inferior to kageyama as a setter, and wakatoshi as a player. it didn’t matter if they already knew — if he already knew — he just wanted to be assured that he was good.

but the only person who actively supplied him with that genuine praise was wakatoshi, but he refused to acknowledge it because of him feeling inferior and that wakatoshi is a rival. i'm sure deep down though, he was happy to hear that coming from someone as blunt as wakatoshi and secretly liked it, but would never admit it.

another thing i don't get is how people say wakatoshi is cocky.

at first, you might say that, but can you still say that after seeing him play? can you still say that after seeing how hard he works, how much effort he puts into volleyball?

he's the one who goes on a jog everyday for who knows how long at who knows what time

he's the one who initiated the 100 serves at the post game scene

he's the one who put in all that effort to become good, amazing, to be like that ace his father spoke so proudly of. that was his inspiration and goal

and he worked hard towards it.

time and time again

while he is confident, he's confident for a good reason. he has proof. he got into shiratorizawa on a scholarship for volleyball.

not through money.

not through the exam.

but through a sport scholarship in a powerhouse school.

and that speaks volumes as evidence for his confidence in his skills.

i think people also missed that when he had that inner monologue in season 3 episode 8: an annoying guy, he says;

"I haven’t doubted once that we would win.”

everyone forgot that he said "we".

not "i" or "me",

but "we".

that doesn't show confidence or cockiness in himself. it shows confidence and absolute trust in his team as a whole, not on an individual level, but on teamwork. i think that's also why he's so observant because he wants the best for the team and to win nationals — which people also tend to forget that they never won a single nationals tournament when he was on the team.

think about how weak he must've felt when he was the ace, he pillar, the canon, but they never won once.

now imagine how that felt tenfold when they lost to karasuno under his leadership as captain.

the fact that he kept on going, kept striving to improve and to prove everyone wrong that he is strong and even made it in a DV1 V.League team like Schweiden Adlers is amazing on it's own, but the fact he changed his whole run-up, his entire style, so he could have more versatility in the air and spike easier after that loss when representing japan and getting all the bashes from the media shows his resilience through and through

now moving onto his friendships.

now i’ve already talked about his friendships with the third years as a whole. they address him by his given name and are evidently close with him.

that much is obvious.

you can see how much the younger years look up to wakatoshi — not only as a player, but as a person.

shirabu even chose to attend shiratorizawa solely because of wakatoshi.

but i think the friendship between him and tendou is positively the one that stands out the most and is the most significant.

both him and tendou were important to each other.

tendou — who was bullied and isolated for most of his life before high school — found comfort in volleyball and later found comfort in wakatoshi, too. it shows that he's not insensitive like everyone say. he never once pushed him away when he's being "over the top" and, although he might not be expressive in that way, he never once uses that as an excuse to push him away, therefore becoming a pillar to him. likewise, it must be very comforting to talk to him because you just know he won’t lie for your benefit.

in wakatoshi’s case it would probably be the first friend he actually had. not someone who was intimidated by him. not someone who sucked up to him. but someone who was genuinely, truly interested in him as a person. obviously we don't know if the other third years went to middle school with wakatoshi or not, but i think it does show that the two are closer, because tendou was always the one shown to actively get more out of wakatoshi in order to understand and get to know him more

—

aha

. . .

this got long —

i hope this at least informed whoever managed to get through this that wakatoshi is more than you think.

he’s just a complex character; more so than many others in the fandom.

anyway, i hope you’re taking care of yourself!!

stay safe 🥺🥰💖

[lorei-writes]

Abuse in Fiction

I think I spoke of a related issue once already, but well, I do not mind repeating myself. In a way, I even enjoy it, I suppose. It’s mildly personal this time too, hm.

So, as some of you may know, I am of a strong belief that fiction should not be hopeless and that it is easy to write a story full of despair - and harder to undo all the harm that’s been done. However, I am also of belief that... My views never matter more than that of another person, and that we are all entitled to our own stances, morals and opinions, for at least as long as we do not enforce those on others. (For the record here, I do not consider hatred an opinion or standard of any type; another distinction that needs to be made: facts are not opinions).

As such, the following will be my opinions, and nothing more. Whether you agree with them or disagree - this is yours, not mine. I do not aim to convince anybody to see the world the way I do.

Well, where do I even start? One step at a time, I suppose.

Bad people do good things. & Good people do bad things.

You need knowledge to realise what is abusive.

Themes of abuse are not inherently harmful.

Gatekeeping requires proof.

What can I do?

A little bit personal something.

Bad people do good things & Good people do bad things

As alluring as it may be, the world cannot be split in neat categories of pure goodness and pure evil. What makes a person good? What makes them bad? Is the good one that who does not harm others? It is generally the definition of goodness I go by, and yet - it is not absolute.

What I’m trying to say is that, to try and split people into good-bad categories based on a single action is... Not really productive. It may be an error. It may be a result of something you are not aware of. And, yes, it may turn out they are indeed not a “good person”, whichever definition you go by - but it also may not.

We are talking about fiction here, however. Not killing, not abusing somebody yourself, but an act of writing about it. If it is tagged appropriately - then who is being hurt? If it is tagged, the person who read it consented to it in the first place. They could have withdrawn. If it is not tagged... Then, it brings me to my second point.

You need knowledge to realise what is abusive.

I would love to see a world in which every single person is educated and capable of recognising different forms of abuse. However, we do not live in such a world. We live in one where access to sex education is still limited in plenty places, where access to mental health services may be restricted, where mental illness is sometimes still a cultural taboo, where humans are being trafficked, abused in all form, dehumanised, enslaved, all to the benefit of rich countries. We do not live in an ideal world, so to require people to act in ideal ways? I consider it ludicrous.

Plenty cultures around the world glamourise abuse - or so it is at least in Europe. What books are best-sellers? 50 Shades of Grey. 365 Days was somewhat big too. If a person cannot get education from a reliable source, if the culture perpetuates the belief that a form of abuse is not in fact abusive, or what is arguably worse, is well-deserved, then how will they know it is in fact hurtful?

You must realise that, even for victims of abuse, it may take decades to learn why they were hurting, to realise that something was in fact wrong. You must realise those people may include themes of abuse in their work thinking that this is how it just is.

Is it perpetuating the harmful norm? It is.

But are they doing it consciously? Or is it the by-product of their culture? And if so, is it their fault?

Is ostracising them and calling them morally wrong doing anything to counter the hurtful norm? Do we need to abandon a topic completely, as some approaches to it may be hurtful? Or do we need to deconstruct it? To realise what beliefs linger behind the words?

Themes of abuse are not inherently harmful.

Abuse victims do not always get their feelings validated. Not only that, they may lack a safe space to share their experiences in any form at all. Fiction provides such an outlet.

Are all depictions of abuse good? Well, of course, no. Romanticising abuse justifies it. It normalises it. We should strive not to ever include such a thing in a work. Many hurtful beliefs can be transferred through fiction - “abuse made them stronger”, “abuse made them kinder”, “once abused will turn into the abuser”, “if you were abused, you do not have a choice but to abuse”, “a parent and child always have some magical bond tying them together”. The list goes on and on. Some people use it as a shock factor, something that does not have any lasting and realistic influence over the characters - and that, in my opinion, is disrespectful.

However, if one were to ban abuse from fiction, they would have to cut out all the scenes calling out abuse for what it is. They would have to cut out hopeful stories, to take away from what may lead somebody to realise they are not treated appropriately. People learn through stories too - and some use fiction to process the issues they faced.

Gatekeeping requires proof.

As you might have noticed, I spoke about how themes of abuse resonate with abuse survivors themselves. Of course, some will not need it. Some will avoid the topic completely.

But, the question is: so perhaps, only abuse survivors should be entitled to writing about abuse?

Well... No. First, it requires proof. Then, it would require some sort of grading system - and that by itself is so dehumanising and humiliating I do not think I have to explain it. Also, the fact that somebody survived abuse does not mean they worked through all the toxicity it brought upon them and that they are capable of not repeating the hurtful messages.

Some people survived abuse and they are not aware of it. Does it make them a bad, hideous person if they include themes of what they considered normal in their work? Or perhaps they do not view it as ordinary, but cannot see a reflection of that in their own situation? Are they morally detestable? Or are they a victim?

What can I do?

Does it mean you should approve all depictions of abuse in fiction? No. Absolutely not, never. It means you should be critical about it, and that stigmatising people does not solve the issue.

Be critical of what you read.

Educate yourself on what is and what is not abusive.

If your friend (or a person you feel comfortable pointing it out to) made something toxic seem romantic/normal - tell them. (It can be a rather emotional discussion, so really, make sure you can handle it).

Do your best not to romanticise abuse in your own work.

If you do choose to write about abuse, make sure to label it clearly.

If it is a NSFW type of content, and the characters are acting out a scenario - show that it is a scenario played out between two consenting adults, and that it can and it will end the moment one of them opts out. If it is not consensual and was not meant to be consensual, show it for what it is - abuse.

Educate yourself, and if possible others, on what is and is not appropriate.

And, if you interacted with a piece of media that bothered you personally:

Block the author of it. Do not interact with the rest of their work.

If it is not labelled appropriately, do tell your friends of it. Warn them.

If you enjoy other works by the author and still want to follow them - ask them to label abuse. They may do it, they may not do it. Decide whether you still want to follow them afterwards.

A little bit personal something.

Content Warnings: discussion of abuse, domestic abuse, suicide mentions, self-harm, rape

Well, I never hid the fact that I lived through domestic abuse. There are authors in our fandom whose works I avoid specifically because of their poor handling of themes of abuse at the hands of a parent.

It took me 15 years to find words to describe my pain. I did not know I was abused for the majority of the time it happened. It was my reality - it was just how the world functioned. Did it spill into my early writing? Yes. But not in the ways you would have expected. My characters were not abusive themselves. They idealised suicide. They would hurt themselves, although not with blades or anything of the like - and at the time, I did not know it was self-harm either. In the plot, they were being abused, and they would come out of it victorious.

I am comfortable saying this. But somebody may not be. They may not know yet.

This post was sparked by a person calling people who write rape “sick in the head” (ugh, stigmatisation of mentally ill people aside, at least this time, okay?). I do not condone romanticising rape. It is disgusting, as any form of abuse. I blocked authors who did not label it and thus exposed me to sensitive content without my consent. I did not go through it and I do not wish for anybody to go through it. However, the post lacked this sort of nuance. It was about the entirety of it, however it was handled.

I do not know why somebody writes it. I do not think I have the right to demand an answer to that. I do not have the right to decide who was hurt “bad enough” (as if something like so existed in the first place) to touch the subject.

I also do not want to stigmatise people who did not get proper education on the matter. How many of them were raped and did not know that lack of consent equals rape? How many of them realised or will realise it after years? How many were failed by their education system, were victims to the times they were born in, to the culture?

Because, remember, to plenty people rape is something that happens in the black alley, at hands of a stranger. Not something done by their partner, when they hope to just get done with the thing and move on - after all, it happened to them. And said partner is not a bad person, so how could he do something bad?

I cannot say whether a person is processing something. I cannot say whether a person consumed so much of modern popular media and lacks knowledge and experience necessary to understand that scenes depicted in it are in fact ABUSE. Sometimes I am near stating that media almost conditions us to accept some forms of abuse as normal.

What I can say is that, well, if you make writing about one type of abuse a taboo, another one may follow.

I do not think this approach answers the problem of why do multiple people, across different fandoms and countries, perceive something abusive as “not that bad”, even bordering appropriate. I do not think that stigmatising the people who write such things is going to change much. It will certainly not target the ones who need education.

And well, it removes the opportunities to critically approach the matter. I know it is hard. But people need to understand why certain narrative choices are harmful and hurtful, not just be presented with “writing about abuse is evil”. We still need spaces to safely discuss abuse.

People need to understand why something is bad, not just label it as bad and be done with it.

[k1ttyadventurer]

AvA Thoughts and Ideas

Yes, this is my first blog post. I can’t believe it was Animator vs Animation that made me want to interact with people on this site.

@sammy8d257 (I’m the anon that wanted to add to your theories) and @inksandpensblog, I’m tagging you guys because I really like your AvA theory crafting and I want to share my thoughts with you. Hope you don’t mind getting tagged. (Also, I’m so down to discuss this stuff in DMs or on Discord if you want? I’m craving AvA discussion.)

Edit: Rephrased a few things to flow better or be better understood. Also added a new point I just thought of. Edit 2: Fixing things that didn't get fixed the first time.

-

Okay, so, AvA.

(Also, I will be calling Orange/Second ‘Orange’ because that’s what Alan calls him, unless I’m referring to “avatar-state” Orange, then I may refer to him as ‘Second’.)

((Also, also, my thoughts jump around quite a bit, sorry about that! Hope you can follow my thought process.))

(((Also, also, also, my opinions and headcanons expressed here are not set in stone. They could definitely change, which has already happened over the course of writing this.)))

-

1) Chosen’s relationship with Dark. - I definitely think that Chosen liked Dark (no offense to shippers, but I’m talking purely friendship here), however, I would guess that Dark considered the two of them much closer than Chosen did. - Chosen initially followed Dark’s lead when destroying things. It was all he had known, and Dark wanted to do it. But Chosen started noticing it was actually hurting others, and didn’t really achieve anything. - When they came to odds, Chosen struck first, while Dark just tried to stubbornly continue with his plan. It makes Chosen look like he immediately jumped to attacking, but I’d like to point out, in the flashback, he actively wanted Dark to stop attacking others when they were on the Newgrounds page. I think this means that this tension had been building up for some time. It wasn’t a sudden thing of Chosen deciding to attack Dark. It was likely sudden for Dark, because Chosen didn’t communicate with him (probably), but for Chosen, I think the creation of the virus was simply the last thing that convinced him that his former friend was actually an evil person. - (I would love to see a reformed Dark and Chosen being friends! But, I think trying to say he wasn’t all bad in the first place is severely glossing over the fact that he did--and was going to do--some awful, awful things.) - Chosen had no hesitance when he returned from defeating the first spider virus. He was going to beat Dark. - (I also find it interesting that Chosen knew where this second location was. From what I can gather from the AvG reaction, it was meant to be a more secret location for Dark? Did Chosen watch him from afar and discover it? Just thinking.) - TLDR: Chosen had already started expecting Dark might become an enemy before Dark revealed the virus.

2) Chosen’s opinion of Alan. - Plain and simple, I don’t think Chosen hates Alan. I don’t think he even holds a grudge anymore. - Yeah, he definitely hated Alan when he was chained up. He held a grudge for a long while after he escaped. But. I think as he watched Dark’s actions and the impact his destruction had on others, he started to see what Alan saw when Chosen was destroying Alan’s PC. - When he entered Alan’s computer, and started trying to defend Alan’s PC, he was now in Alan’s shoes. He was the cursor, the anti-virus, who didn’t want or choose to have this destruction happen. - After the fight, he sees other sticks on the computer and is forced to consider it may have been his own fault he got 'tamed', since the proof of Alan getting along with, or at least tolerating, stick figures was in front of him. - It doesn’t mean what Alan did was right, but Chosen now sees why Alan chained him. After all, isn’t Chosen himself now on his way to destroy Dark? He and Alan aren’t so different. He nods to Alan, acknowledging him, even forgiving him. Alan nods back. There’s a level of acceptance that has been established between them. Alan respects stick figures significantly more, and Chosen sees Alan isn’t a heartless monster. - So, when Alan’s cursor joins the fight against Dark, they were already on the same page. Preventing needless violence with violence. Not to mention, have you seen how many hits Alan purposely took for Chosen? As soon as the black blades came out, Alan got between them and Chosen as often as he could. Alan came to help Chosen, not just to defeat Dark. - If Chosen could ally so quickly with Dark, and then turn on him when he realized Dark’s morals were wrong, why can’t the reverse be true with Chosen realizing Alan had changed for the better?

3) Chosen’s opinion of Orange. - I believe it was Inks who said that Chosen feels something along the lines of submissive towards Orange at the end. While I do agree that Chosen’s bow doesn’t seem worshipful, I don’t think it’s Chosen ‘giving up’. I think it’s simply showing respect and gratitude in a very similar sense to how the five bowed to him after dealing with the virus. He’s just... far less emotive. It’s a nice parallel.

4) The effects of the virus spiders and blades on Chosen. - Personally, I think the reason it looks like the virus has so little effect on Chosen is because of his coloring. Orange is, well, orange, so the black wounds are obviously going to show. - You can see Chosen showing weakness in both his fight with the spider virus and his fight with Dark. The weakness shows itself in hesitation, slower response, straight up laying in a crater or the water for an extended period of time. - I think at the end, when the Dark sends the virus to infect the internet, Chosen is laying there unmoving because he literally can’t move. His body language reads of someone looking up weakly, unable to do anything but wanting to. The viruses temporarily disabled him (but, notably, it took all of them to do so). Dark can’t actually kill Chosen or delete him, but he’s been successfully incapacitated, so Dark can move forward with his plan, unhindered. - I just don’t think Chosen would ever, ever give up. If he can fight back, he will. He has never backed down once, even when there seems to be no way he can win. He almost lost to a spider virus--there’s even subtle hints later that he’s afraid of fighting them--but he still attacks the whole swarm until he literally can’t anymore.

5) Dark fighting Orange. - With stabbing Orange, it becomes clear that he’s not being as quickly affected by the blade as his friends. That’s why the Dark lord raises him off the ground; he grew impatient. (Also, Chosen reacts to Orange being stabbed? Is it because he knows Orange is one of Alan’s creations as opposed to the other four sticks? Or does he literally feel something?) - Dark becomes absolutely furious at Orange’s attempts to attack him and frustrated that Orange won’t simply die. Too reminiscent of Chosen. Also, I would like to note that, before he even stabbed Orange, Dark hits him the hardest out of the four still standing.

6) Orange’s powers. - Before I say anything about Orange’s avatar-state, I want to point out that his talents seem a whole lot more like Victim’s than Chosen's? I don’t know, if it weren’t for the fact that he has some label saying “The Chosen One’s Return,” I’d say he’s actually the ‘second coming’ of Victim. - Okay, now to his powers. Almost all of them are souped up versions of Chosen’s, with two exceptions. The whole reviving/restoring code ability, and the ability to fly/float without flames. The latter of these two abilities is something we see Dark do after he puts on his black band. The former could also very well be associated with Dark, considering Second had to go to Dark’s console to revive his friends. Food for thought. - There’s a trade off here in the power scaling. Second is so much stronger than Chosen, but obviously can’t tap into his powers whenever he wants. Not to mention, he seemingly can’t use them indefinitely. If Dark somehow managed to avoid getting blasted into the beyond, Orange would be in major trouble if his super-state has a time limit. - Then there’s the whole sleeping thing in videos that likely take place later chronologically? On the build competition video where Orange literally can’t stay awake for fifteen seconds despite punching himself in the face, there was something Alan did that always struck me as odd. He hearted a comment saying something like ‘should we be concerned about Orange’s narcolepsy?’ almost implying that we should be concerned? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I haven’t seen him just heart “funny-haha” comments before. (I would also like to point out it is very possible for this to be planned out. These AvM video scripts were likely written after AvA’s scripts even if the videos were finished first.)

7) What next for Chosen doing things with the color squad? - I think, despite the many, many issues that will come up if Chosen ‘play-fights’ with the others (as I stated as an Anon to Sammy), it would be incredibly healthy for him once he can do it safely and have fun. He was born wanting to fight. It’s his calling. And he’s really good at it. Finding a way to do it without hurting others? That’s the best thing he could ever have. - Okay, and, what if, Chosen doesn’t quite understand why Orange doesn’t remember going super, but he decides that he’s going to get to the bottom of Orange’s powers and, in the process, starts training Orange. (It probably starts with Chosen being all, ‘come here’ and flies up, while Orange is just, ‘what? I can’t do that.’ ‘Yes you can. Do it.’ Of course, that blunt method of teaching is not going to work, so Chosen has to learn to communicate better.) Training may or may not actually be successful, but imagine him and Orange bonding. - Both the color squad and Chosen adopting each other. They both parent the other in their own ways, and just. Be cute together. Chosen learns how to people and relax, and gets, like, super attached to these weak little sticks? So, the color squad now has an overprotective higher being watching over them, and the awe they have of his power is quickly cut short when they learn he’s never played cards before? - The sticks also show off their skills to Chosen and he’s just. Confused. Why would you tap blocks just to make a sound? Make something to harvest wheat when you can do it by hand? Why are you eating that. Animals? Okay, actually, holding this cat is nice.

-

(I deleted my old conclusion on accident, and I don't remember what it said. I don't think it was important, though. Thanks for reading! Please share any thoughts if you have any!)

[solange-lol]

i don't need three bars to tell me we're meant to connect

words: 1,997

AUctober day 21: academia

read on ao3

—

There’s a boy in Will’s Intro to Writing class, and Will is in love with him.

Maybe love isn’t the right word, but he’s definitely encased by this guy. He has dark hair, dark eyes, and he’s way smarter than everyone in the class which is something Will can seriously respect.

Every day at 2pm he logs on, never really quite sure what’s going on in the class because he’s too curious about what he’s wearing or if Will can get some sort of idea as to who his roommate is. 

In a normal circumstance, Will would consider maybe introducing himself, or at least trying to catch this kid at the dining hall. For now, though, he’s stuck staring at him through his tiny computer screen.

This whole Zoom class thing limits what he can learn about this kid, especially since he only has two things hung up in the background of his call: a pride flag and a poster for a card game Will has never seen.

All Will can know about him, for now, is his name is Nico, he’s gay, and he’s really, really hot. 

Which is enough for him to already be falling.

And by some ungodly power, his friends already knew, too.

Will’s roommate, Connor Stoll, probably figured out the day he just so happened to walk past Will’s desk just as the blonde had pinned Nico’s screen to his computer (he was just trying to get a better look at what his shirt said.)

“Stalker much?” had been the only thing he remarked. Of course, less than a week later and he was already getting advice on how to ask Nico out from Connor and his boyfriend, Mitchell.

“I don’t even know him,” Will points out, to which Connor responds with, “You know him enough to care about what’s written on his shirt.”

He rolls his eyes. “That was a one time thing.”

“Trust me, Will. If I managed to get this one to ask me out, I think you can ask out someone,” Mitchell said, slugging Connor lightly in the shoulder who only nods proudly.

When that hadn’t turned out to be much helpful (Will isn’t exactly the best at just doing things,) he opts to ask Lou Ellen and Cecil, the two kids he had met in the first week of classes

They had been introduced when the teacher put them in breakout rooms to get to know each other in small groups. Will knew both already vaguely: Lou was also in his Chemistry class, and Cecil lived on his floor.

The three ended up bonding over their shared love of Star Wars and inevitably made a group chat together to share homework answers for the class or discuss whatever the weekly drama was that they were able to catch bits and pieces of. Turns out life is just as eventful even when everybody is stuck to their own dorms.

Will had barely been able to get two words out to them on FaceTime before Lou interrupts him.

“You need help asking out Nico from our writing class, don’t you?”

Will just blinks. “How did you know?”

“Because you mention every day what he talked about in class today.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, and you asked me if I knew what floor he lived on,” Cecil adds. “I was betting on murder, maybe, but once Lou Ellen told me it was probably a crush it made a little more sense.”

Will shakes his head. “I’m gonna choose to ignore the murder part.”

“I sent Mitchell after you. Isn’t he supposed to be a love expert or something?” Lou Ellen asks.

“That was you? I thought that was just Connor oversharing his roommate drama with his boyfriend!”

“You really think Connor has enough brain cells to do all that? The kid can barely remember what he has for breakfast most days,” Lou rolls her eyes. “Look, the best case scenario, he’s your soulmate and you guys get married and have a million kids.”

“I don’t even know if I want kids-”

“Fine, dogs, whatever. Worst case scenario, classes are all online this semester and you literally just don’t look at his face for the rest of the year.”

It’s a good point, and Will really is seriously considering it now, but there’s still one thing standing in the way.

“Okay, well, it’s not like I can really ask him out,” Will points out. “We’re barely allowed to leave our dorms, and I don’t know if a Zoom first date is the best idea.”

“Then just figure out a way to get his number. That way, you two can talk, and when this whole quarantine thing is over then you’ll be close enough that you can finally go on a date,” Cecil suggests.

Both Will and Lou Ellen nod enthusiastically.

“Cecil, that might be the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Lou says dreamily. 

“Now we just have to figure out a way for Will to get the balls to actually do it.”

Will gasps, fake hurt. “I’ll figure it out, thank you very much.”

They continue discussing their plan before Lou Ellen inevitably notices that they’re in fact, 15 minutes late to Intro to Writing.

As the three scramble into the Zoom meeting at the same time, Will may or may not notice Nico bite back a laugh. He decides being late was worth it.

—

When Will’s teacher put him and Nico in a breakout room together, Will knew this was probably his chance.

That is until he has to go and make a fool of himself.

“I like your duck tree,” is the first thing Nico says when they enter the room, referencing the mini fake Christmas tree (even though both him and Connor are Jewish) that’s covered in all sorts of rubber ducks behind him. It was their 3am creation after moving into the dorm, which featured a midnight run to the dollar store and two noise complaints from their neighbors.

And, because Will can’t take anything seriously, he makes the mistake of talking.

“Thanks,” he says, then before he can stop himself, “Did you know they have curly dicks?”

Nico snorts. “What?”

Realizing what he said, Will just has to push through. “The ducks. It’s like a corkscrew shape.”

“Ah, gotcha,” Nico nods. “Is that your topic for your paper?”

Maybe explaining himself wasn’t a good idea.

“Nope, just, uh, something I learned in Biology when I was a freshman.”

Nico nods again. “Cool. So what is everyone’s topic?”

Yup, he blew it. Asking Nico out might take another decade now, or however long it takes for Will to regain his dignity after that interaction.

—

It’s another few weeks before Will actually sees Nico in person for the first time.

Ever since their breakout room conversation, he had only interacted with the boy if it was for class. Slowly but surely, he was healing from that mess of a first introduction.

That, of course, all went out the window after Will nearly ran straight into him on the way to his dorm after spending the weekend with Lou Ellen at her parent’s house. Meanwhile, Nico must have been on his way out.

Will almost didn’t recognize him when they bumped into each other, too panicked about running straight into someone he didn’t know. Once he recognized the wavy black hair and olive-toned skin, he knew immediately who it was.

Nico was shorter than he had thought he would be, almost a whole half foot smaller than Will, but that didn’t make him any less attractive. In fact, he was so, so much cuter in person than over a screen.

“Hey,” Nico grins. “Duck penis kid.”

Will ran straight into that one.

“I have a name, you know,” he narrows his eyes. “And like, actual interests.”

“Besides ducks and their breeding habits?”

“Yes, besides that. I wouldn’t exactly consider that an interest.”

Nico raises an eyebrow as if he’s skeptical, but his smile gives it all away.

“Well, I do know your name, William,” he says, and Will nearly passes out right then and there. “Do you know mine?”

“It says your name on Zoom, Nico,” he responds as casually as he possibly can. “And it’s- it’s just Will, actually.”

“That’s not what it says on your Zoom name.”

“Well, that’s-” Will flushes. “That’s because I don’t know how to change it.”

“Well, I guess you'll have to remind me to teach you if we’re ever in a breakout room together again,” Nico laughs. “I’ll see you around, Will.”

He heads off, and before he can stop himself, Will calls after him.

“Wait!”

Nico spins on his heel at the bottom of the next staircase, looking up at him with those dark eyes. For a moment, Will completely forgets what he wants to say.

“Um, would you want to, uh, play GamePigeon sometime over iMessage?” he offers. It was the ‘foolproof’ invitation that Lou Ellen had come up with, considering it’s something they did on a near-daily basis.

“Intro to Writing isn’t the most interesting class— well, maybe you think it is, I don’t know— but maybe, if you want a distraction one day…?” he continues, trailing off hopefully at the end.

Nico winces. “Oh, uh, I don’t have an iPhone, sorry,” he says, holding up his Samsung as proof. There are two little charms hanging off the phone case: a small rainbow and a skull, which makes Will melt a bit. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help his case at all.

“Oh, okay, then can I maybe get your number? Just… in general?”

Nico grins, raising his eyebrow again. “Are you asking me out, Solace?”

Will fights the heat creeping to his cheeks at the use of his last name. “Um, yes? If you want? We can’t really go out right now, Nit we could just talk? See if we work as friends and then maybe reconsider that date thing if you’re up for it? Because, uh, I think you’re cute, and we’re both queer, and I noticed your Ramones shirt the other day which is super cool because my dad introduced me to that band, so there’s something we have in common. And, uh, we can talk about whatever else you’re into, but I just thought I would take my chance because I’m into… you,” he rambles out.

Nico just blinks, and Will wonders if this was the best or dumbest decision he’s ever made.

“Or… or not,” he adds on, just in case.

Nico laughs, which is totally adorable, but also totally activates Will’s fight or flight. Before he can escape to his dorm, though, Nico holds out his hand.

“Solace, please,” he says, still in the same light, laugh-y tone. It takes a second to activate in Will’s brain that he’s asking for his phone to put his number in.

Oh.

Will steps down the staircase until he’s at the same level as Nico, pulling his phone out of his bag and handing it to the boy.

Nico stares at it. “Uh, you might want to put your passcode in first.”

“Right, right, sorry,” Will takes it back, unlocking his phone and finding the contacts app so Nico can put in his number.

This time when he hands it back, he’s smiling again. 

“See you in the Zoom call,” he tells Will, before turning the corner around the staircase, and Will realizes he should probably get back to his dorm if he wants to make his 7:00 Chem class.

It isn’t until he’s back in his room, listening to his professor drone on about chemical properties when he finally opens his phone. He taps on the contacts app, just checking to make sure the entire interaction wasn’t a fever dream.

Just as he expected, a new number is embedded in his contacts. Nido di Angelo. Next to the name, the duck emoji and the eggplant emoji.

Yeah, he was never going to live that down.

—

solangelo tag list (message to be added/removed): @unicornsgomooo @anxiouswinter @soulangelou @number-of-fucks-i-give-0 @underworldystuff @theeloquentsnake @solangelover@thefandomsaretakingover @internallyexplodingrainbows​ @hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon​ @motivatedcryptidtamer @emilyfairchild @wherethewildthingsare-nt @hetapeep41 @blavk-dahlia

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 21 - Dearly Departed

Title: Irreverent Pt. 21 - Dearly Departed Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: R Words: 2934

Irreverent Series Masterlist

"You're leaving?" It was Derek who had managed to speak first. The rest of you were still processing what Hotch had said.

"I have been given a temporary assignment in Pakistan by the Director and have been told I have minimal choice in the matter. In the interim, Morgan will be Unit Chief." That's what he'd said. You were pretty sure you'd heard him correctly. On their own each of those words held meaning. But strung together like that and coming from Hotch, they might as well have been gibberish as far as you were concerned.

He looked upset at having to leave. He doesn't want to. You tried telling yourself that. But this was also Hotch. You'd seen him stand up to Strauss on countless occasions for the better of the team. So why was he just going along with this? Why was he abandoning you while you were in the middle of the search for Doyle? What about Emily? What about the team? What about you?

You looked around and saw your thoughts in everyone's mind. Penelope still looked struck. Derek seemed more pissed off than anything else. Spencer looked broken - he'd had it the worst with Emily's death. You knew JJ had been with him a lot the past few days. Even Rossi seemed upset. You wondered if Hotch had bothered telling him first on his own or if this was intended to be dropped on everyone all at once.

You could feel the stillness in your body. You weren't sure what you felt yet. Upset? Abandoned? Angry? All of the above? Hotch was clutching the papers that were undoubtedly his marching orders, tightly in his hand.

"What about Jack, Aaron?" It was Rossi who asked that.

You should move. Say something. But what?

"I've arranged for him to stay with Jess while I'm away. He should be alright there."

JJ was still gone too…Hotch was leaving. You looked around at the rest of the team seated at the table and you could feel Derek shouldering the full weight of what Hotch was asking of him.

You felt Hotch's eyes on you. You still hadn't spoken. What was there to say?

*------------*

You'd kept in touch with Clyde Easter after you guys had released him from detainment. At first you'd reached out to him to tell him about Emily - you felt like he should know. He'd come to the funeral and the two of you had spoken briefly. Before he left, he'd tucked a card with a different number on it in your hand.

The two of you had been corresponding for some months now as he worked Doyle from the Interpol angle. With Hotch gone, Derek had wanted to ramp up the search for Doyle but he'd been shut down by Strauss citing jurisdiction. You were forced to move underground. After months of nothing, Clyde had gotten solid proof that Doyle was moving and there might be a window of opportunity coming up. It was time to bring Derek in.

*------------*

"So let me get this straight, after Strauss shut it down, you took it upon yourself to open communication with Interpol to continue investigating Doyle?" You'd called Rossi and Derek over to your house under the ruse of dinner, feeling it would be safest. After dinner the three of you had sat at your dining room table over drinks, when you'd decided to reveal the true nature of the invite.

"Yes," you replied, standing to grab the file from the back of your hidden wall safe. "Here's everything I have on Doyle. Per Clyde," you note the look Rossi and Derek gave one another when you referred to Easter by his first name, "Doyle has operations underway but he has a visibility issue, forcing him underground for the most part. However, he has a meeting scheduled with his stakeholders for which he has to be present. That's our window of opportunity."

"And you trust Easter?" Rossi had left looking through the file you'd put in front of them to Derek. He chose to watch you instead.

"No, but he has nothing to gain by lying to us about this. He's still on Doyle's list and he would much rather we go after him than have Doyle barging through his front door."

"You should've told us, Y/N." Derek had flipped through the file and confirmed what you'd relayed to them.

"Look, you can choose to be pissed at me for not reading you in earlier, or you can help me go after Doyle." You weren't about to be guilted into feeling bad about how you went about this.

"Help you?" Derek raised his eyebrows at your word choice.

"I'm doing this with or without you."

He scoffed and finished his drink. "Yeah, you and what army?"

"I won't fight with you Derek. You want to be pissed, go be pissed. Break something and get it out. But don't act like you don't want to go after Doyle. You're not upset I did this. You're upset you didn't."

His shoulders tensed, feeling the brunt of your retort. You thought he might lash out at you again, but he seemed to be coming to terms with the situation much faster than you had anticipated.

"We still need to find where the meeting is going to happen."

"All we need in order to do that, is leverage over the right person. I have someone in mind," you responded. You'd thought this through. To the end.

"We need to call Aaron."

*------------*

He'd grown a beard. He was back after seven months and that was the first thing you noticed. What anyone noticed really. Besides that he looked tan and more rugged than usual, though that could be chalked up to the lack of a suit. He was dressed like a civilian. Which made sense. He wasn't SSA Aaron Hotchner, BAU Unit Chief. That title was still Derek's. As far as you knew, he was simply SSA Aaron Hotchner, temporarily in Pakistan running a joint task force. If the definition of temporarily had been swapped out with indefinitely, that is.

"Sir, the beard suits you," Penelope had told him in greeting.

"Thank you Garcia." Those were the first words you'd heard from him in seven months.

You hadn't gotten up to greet him. You'd looked up in his direction when he entered and smiled, stifling seven months' worth of anger tight inside. It didn't pass your notice that Spencer hadn't stood up either. At least someone else was also sick of taking the high road. You needed that kind of camaraderie.

"Morgan read me in before I arrived. If you're ready, we can talk through the plan to obtain the meeting location and see how it should be executed." Funny how quickly he fell back into the role of Unit Chief. As if he hadn't absconded the throne.

"It's handled. I'm running point on it. You're welcome to join the others in the van or listen in from here with Garcia."  Your voice came out a little harsher than you'd intended.

He looked a little surprised but quickly recovered and nodded.

*------------*

"Subject is approaching." Spencer's voice came through the earpiece you had on. You were seated at a restaurant downtown, your hands folded in front of you on the white linen tablecloth. You remembered this place from one of the first times your father had visited you whilst you were doing your training at Quantico. He had come to talk you out of it but hadn't been able to resist taking you to a nice meal.

"Hello sister."

Dominic had arrived with his permanently cocky smirk firmly in place. He took off his coat and sat down across from you, unbuttoning the bottom button on his jacket. A waiter arrived to bring him a drink menu. You'd been nursing yours for some time now. After he had ordered, he looked right at you. He was trying to mimic your father's infamous staredowns. It fell flat coming from him. Maybe you had to actually be afraid for it to have its desired affect.

"So, you've finally come to your senses, have you?" He leaned back in his chair as the waiter quickly dropped his drink off.

"How are Katie and Amara?"

His brow furrowed slightly before he answered. "Katie is fine, she sends her regards. Amara is seven now. She's started second grade."

You smiled. It had been some time since you saw your niece. "That's a good age."

"Yeah, she's cute. She made a family tree for class, you know. Made sure to put you on it. Julian too."

"That's sweet," you answered, stirring your drink with the straw provided. "You love Amara, don't you Dom?"

There was a pause before he replied, his brow furrowed more if that were possible. "She's my daughter Y/N. Of course I love her."

"She's your daughter. You wouldn't want any harm to come to her."

His shoulders tensed immediately as he leaned in closely to you across the table. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"Just that it is regretful when children get hurt because they become pawns in their parents' wars."

He was still leaning across the table and his next words came out dangerously low. "You think you can just come in here and threaten me? Threaten my family? And you'll get away with it?"

"You have two options Dom. Tell me where Valhalla is meeting his stakeholders."

"Or?"

"I'm sorry, I misspoke. You only have one option. That was it."

"And if I don't comply?"

"There are US Marshalls waiting to escort you home so that you can grab your wife and daughter and pack any personal belongings. They'll take care of you."

"You didn't say what happens if I don't comply."

You looked at him sitting across from you in his expensive suit. Being almost fifteen years older than you, Dominic used to intimidate you. He was never the brother that spoiled you. When you'd been born he'd been a spoiled teenager used to bullying and taking his misplaced anger out on Julian. But your father wouldn't have stood for anyone laying a hand on you (Except him apparently, you thought, thinking back to your last encounter with your father.), so Dominic had tortured you in other ways.

You fixed Dominic with a small smile geared to unnerve him, before answering his question. "Papa used to say that I was the pretty one. Julian was his artist. But you Dom, you were always the smart one, right?"

You stood and retrieved a $100 bill from your pocket and placed it under the drink glass.

"You have fifteen minutes. I'll be outside. Clock's ticking."

*------------*

Hotch and Derek stood next to you as the Marshalls helped your brother into the back of the dark SUV across the street.

"You threatened a child in there, Y/N." His voice was low, and yet still carried the full force of his accusation.

You felt the roiling anger bubbling to the top. He had no right to tell you how to handle this. "I won't make excuses for how I choose to fix the mess you ran away from," your rebuke was at the tip of your tongue and thrown at him before he could prepare for the rally. With that, you turned and left, leaving him to watch you walk back to the van.

*------------*

The following day, Hotch had asked the team to come to the conference room first thing in the morning. When you had walked in, you saw JJ standing in a corner talking to Hotch. You'd smiled at her despite being confused as to why she was there. Once everyone was seated Hotch stood at the front of the room. JJ was standing too. Why was she standing? Why was she here?

With all eyes focused on him, Hotch began speaking. "Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team."

Your mind went faster than he could speak. JJ was there. Seven months ago. When he left. When Emily died. Seven months ago he made a decision. JJ is here. She was at the hospital. Why had she been at the hospital that day?

"She's alive," you expelled, pushing up and away from the table and towards the back of the room, furthest from Hotch and the door, your realization propelling you to put as much distance as possible between yourself and the two people at the front of the room.

"What?" Spencer looked at you as you had interrupted Hotch's speech before it had even started.

"She's alive. Emily's alive. That's it right? That's why we're all here. That's why JJ is here and why she was at the hospital that night. Emily's alive." Your mouth was on autopilot as you spoke. The words had left your mouth before you'd truly understood what they meant yourself. It just…fit. It made sense.

"Y/N, we buried Emily. She's dead." Derek stood to move towards you, as if you were having a mental break.

You ignored him. You only looked at Hotch who had stopped speaking as soon as you'd stood up. Both him and JJ were looking at you in what could only be described as horror. Why they were horrified you didn't know. If anything you should be horrified. What does it say about me that I'm not even horrified at this. It's almost as if you'd seen the lies coming.

"Tell them." Your eyes bored into Hotch's. It was a credit to him that he hadn't looked away yet.

"Yes."

His confirmation was accompanied by the click clacking of familiar heels outside the conference room and then the door opened and there she was. Emily Prentiss. Back from the dead.

Penelope recovered first, leaping up to go hug Emily. She looked well, you noted. She was walking around the room. She'd hugged Hotch and JJ next. Now she'd moved on to Spencer who looked like he should be sedated. She was apologizing to everyone. Derek could barely bring himself to wrap his arms around her. Rossi recovered remarkably. He pulled her in for a hug and even kissed both her cheeks, causing her to laugh. You hadn't heard that laugh in seven months.

She was walking towards you. You felt yourself physically recoil.

"Y/N." JJ was using her mom voice. The voice that told you to be fair and kind and sharing is caring.

"Don't JJ." You turned away from Emily who was standing closest to you, to face the front again where Hotch and JJ stood. The only two people who had known. Who had watched the rest of you fall apart and allowed it to happen. And instead of sticking around to watch the fallout, they'd both been conveniently far away.

"How are we supposed to trust you? Either of you?"

"Y/N, that's not fair." It's the first time Emily had spoken directly to you in seven months.

"You were dead. But he was here. He saw what it did to us and then he just left and the whole time! He knew! He knew how it wrecked us." You voice fluctuated throughout and you were breathing as if you'd just run a marathon.

There was silence and then Derek was standing in front of you, shielding you from the rest. He tucked the strand of hair that had fallen out of your ponytail behind your ear and leaned in to hold you so he could speak and not be heard. "Let's do this later. Eye on the prize, yeah?"

For him, you let it go. You owed him that. Not them.

*------------*

Hotch watched Morgan hold you and the visual was a gut punch.

No one else had said anything. But you were never quite that easy. You'd never once not shared exactly how you felt. Likely a testament to having stifled how you felt for years. After you'd confronted your father it was an awakening. You no longer held your punches and while it had been something Hotch had admired in the past, right now in this moment, when those punches were directed at him, he had to admit there was a downside. Even still, he couldn't help himself from being impressed. This was why he loved you. He no longer actively denied the fact.

Your words hurt more than he let on. He had prepared for Morgan to be pissed and for Reid to fall apart. From you he had hoped for a hug hello for both himself and Emily.

But then he had to remind himself of seven months ago. The hospital had been the last time you'd let him hold you. After that you'd been gone. There hadn't been any light behind your smiles. You hadn't confided in him about how much you missed Emily. Well you'd have to be around to have heard that wouldn't you. His guilty conscience had taken your side and was doing an excellent job beating him up in your silence since Derek had talked you down.

He couldn't deny that he was extremely worried about you. He'd talked to Derek after the Marshalls had picked up your brother but Derek had brushed him off, saying you were doing what had to be done to keep afloat. He wondered if Derek was right. You were treading water to stay afloat because he'd taken the life raft right from under you.

He worried how long you could keep going before the force of the waves drowned you.

[pricemarshfield]

fresh as a daisy

Chapter 2/2. Requested by @renluthor: dani/ainsley angst/angry makeout? 

Read on AO3 here.

Ainsley wakes up to a text from her brother and Dani pressed up against her, back to front. She's breathing slow and steady, like she doesn't have a care in the world. She does, of course--Ainsley's learned how crime scenes haunt her girlfriend(?) in the way she wakes up stiff and frozen, sometimes, like Ainsley does when she dreams about not-Endicott's blood on her hands. She's lied and said something about that time she got locked in Claremont, and Dani believed her, and that's the worst fucking part.

"I can hear you thinking from here," Dani murmurs, voice rumbling against Ainsley's chest. Ainsley doesn't jump, but it's a near thing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ainsley says, too quickly, a lie meant to be caught.

Dani rolls over, eyes still hazy with sleep. "Come on, you can tell me."

Ainsley sighs, props her head up on her arm so she's leaning slightly over Dani. "I'm just worried about my meeting with the head reporter. He said he wants 'more' from my reports." It's easy enough to muster up annoyance about it, because she is annoyed with him.

"Carr?" Dani asks, and Ainsley grumbles, leans into Dani so she's pressed right into the crook of her neck. She could stay here for hours. "Fuck that guy."

Ainsley laughs, teeth scraping at Dani's skin mostly-on accident, and Dani shifts so that Ainsley's half-on top of her. "When do you have to go into work?"

"You're insatiable," Dani says with a little put-upon sigh that's as fake as the innocent expression Ainsley's definitely wearing right now.

"That's not actually an answer to my question," Ainsley says.

Dani doesn't respond for a second, and Ainsley pushes herself up to see a frown on her face. "In...less than an hour and a half, actually."

"Boo," Ainsley says, dramatically flopping back down. Dani's chest rumbles a little with laughter that Ainsley feels more than hears, and it's so fucking nice in a way that Ainsley's not used to yet, even after months of it all.

She hasn't looked at her phone yet. She knows it'll break the morning into something she has to deal with and not just luxuriate in.

"Do you have time for breakfast?" she asks instead, and Dani laughs.

"What, you're gonna cook?"

"Better than you," Ainsley says. "I didn't know you could burn toast that bad unless you were trying."

"You have all these weird 'smart' appliances, how is that my fault," Dani mutters. "I can make pancakes."

Ainsley hasn't had pancakes since she was young enough to still wear a bright pink dress with ruffles to school. "Sure."

--

Ainsley's mom had asked her to move back in, and she had been planning on it before--this, with Dani. She still goes back basically every day--she has a little study space in the basement--but it's nice to have a place that's hers.

And Dani's, in a way.

Dani has her own apartment, a place with chipped paint but plants everywhere, homey in a way that Ainsley hadn't thought was a real thing outside of home and garden magazines. She spends more nights than not here, though, and Ainsley's started to feel like the place is too big without her home.

She doesn't have a key yet. Ainsley has no idea when she should bring it up. If she should, even; there's that whole thing with the murder she got away with and Dani being a homicide detective.

Ainsley glances at her phone to see the text from Malcolm, complete with hidden message. She should check it. Dani's busy at the stove, it's the best time.

Dani hums some oldies song at the stove, the admittedly-weak smell of cooking pancakes wafting towards Ainsley, and she still can't bring herself to break the morning. Instead, she puts the phone facedown on the table, stands up, and wraps her arms around Dani from behind. Dani doesn't start or stiffen like she used to, when they were still figuring each other out.

"Is it supposed to look that lumpy?" Ainsley asks brightly.

"Yes," Dani says. "They're pancakes, it's not gonna be perfectly even."

"As long as they taste good," Ainsley says. She has to push herself up a little to rest her head against Dani's shoulder. It's not exactly comfortable, but she has no intentions of moving. Dani flips the pancakes with an expert little twist of the spatula, and Ainsley makes an impressed noise. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

"I worked at a diner in college," Dani says. "I was hired as a waitress, but I was way better behind the scenes." She shudders a little. "I hate customer service."

Ainsley's never had experience with customer service. She's thankful for that, but it does mean she doesn't have anything she can add, so she just hums agreement into Dani's shoulder. They sit and sway sway to the sound of pancakes cooking and their breathing for a little longer.

Dani covers her pancakes in almost as much syrup as Malcolm used to, and at Ainsley's disbelieving look, laughs, and says, "Really, you should try it!"

Ainsley does, if only so she can prove herself right, but it does end up being pretty tasty.

"Don't tell Malcolm," Ainsley says, ignoring all of her etiquette training to talk with her mouth full because she knows it'll make Dani smile. Sure enough, she does, and Ainsley feels this warm glow in her chest she's still not used to. "He'll be so smug."

"Really?" Dani says. "He doesn't seem the type."

Ainsley feels something twist in her stomach, remembering how horrified Malcolm was when he'd figured out that she faked it. She stands by it, of course she does, but yikes. He'd lied to her, why does she feel bad? There's the text she's ignoring, the worry around that...that's probably it.

Still, she can hardly check it with Dani at the table, so she smiles at her and says, "That's just 'cause he always had a soft spot for you."

There's an awkward beat of silence where both of them sit in the reality of that being true in a way that's completely at odds with them sitting across the table for each other, half-dressed and warm.

"I do have to head to work," Dani says after awhile, and Ainsley frowns as if she doesn't want her to go. In reality, she could use the time to check her texts, figure out how she's going to present herself when Dani gets home. Tired, probably, but not too tired, she's still working from home as much as she can. Happy to see her--that part she doesn't even have to fake.

"Aw," Ainsley says. "You coming back here after?"

"Of course," Dani says easily, like it's nothing to just let someone else in her life the way Ainsley's been letting her here.

Ainsley's not sure what tugs at her heart just then, but she's pretty sure it's not a good thing. Dani heads to the bedroom to get dressed while Ainsley finishes her pancakes. The syrup's significantly less enjoyable now that they're cold, sticking to her mouth in a way that makes her want to toss them in the trash.

Dani's not looking. She could.

She stares down at them for awhile too long, chewing on the mush in her mouth until she wants to gag. When Dani walks out of the room again, she looks up, forces herself to swallow, and smiles. "Heading out?"

"Yeah," Dani says, pressing a quick, casual kiss to Ainsley's cheek. Ainsley wants her to linger, but instead she rushes out. Ainsley has to get up and lock the door behind her, and she stands there, staring blankly at the front door of her own apartment for a bit.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket again, and she unlocks it. Something about a private investigator, because of course it's about a fucking private investigator. She just knows Malcolm's gonna lord this over her, talk about how this is proof he didn't overstep when he was trying to protect her. Biting back an annoyed reply--she has to give him the benefit of the doubt, save the rudeness for when he fucks up--she texts back something about meeting tomorrow.

Today she's trying to do something for Dani.

One: her apartment's always neat, but she remembers being told that neatness was onto holiness at her etiquette schools, and the lesson's hard to shake, so she cleans. She's not down on hands and knees scrubbing the floors or anything, but the place looks a little nicer, and she's proud of it.

Two: something Dani will care about a little more. She goes the extra mile--lights candles, gets flowers, is polite (if direct) with the restaurant worker on the phone who'll get something delivered to her door. The candles are warm, smoky scents that are a far cry from the crisp, clear ones Ainsley favors, but Dani had murmured stories about a campfire into her shoulder once, tracing her freckles, and Ainsley hopes she'll like that she remembered. The flowers aren't roses. Dani had a story about some ex who got her roses that Ainsley winced in sympathy at even as her sides hurt from laughing so hard. So she got orchids, as expensive as they are hard to keep happy. (It's a little on the nose, but Ainsley is her parents' daughter, and drama is the easier vice to indulge.)

The food is the part Dani will like the most, Ainsley's guessing. The thoughtful, almost-metaphorical gestures are Ainsley's thing, always unsure with how to give affection without giving too much away. Food, though, is an almost universal love language--Dani making pancakes in her kitchen, Ainsley buying her wines that cost more than Dani's rent. Plus, Dani likes Thai, and Ainsley hasn't had good tom yum in too long.

She gets this all ready by 10am, and finds herself bored by 10:03.

Ainsley would normally go bother Malcolm about a case, but Dani hasn't texted her anything interesting, so it's not worth the effort of dealing with his panic over this investigator guy. She does care about him, and she does worry, but just--God, he'd lied to her for ages. It's hardly like she's incompetent. She'd handled things just fine, hadn't she?

There's a bitter twist in her stomach, and she pauses, considers it for a second before choosing not to look at it too closely.

She goes to lunch with her mother, who talks around Ainsley and Dani as best she can while still prying for information. Ainsley ignores the more back-handed comment about her always wanting her brother's things and says, "We're having dinner tonight, actually."

"Oh, where are you going?" her mother says. "I can get you a reservation if you don't have one. There's that new French place on--"

"We're staying in," Ainsley interrupts, something she'd have gotten a ruler on the knuckles for if she'd tried it back in etiquette school. "Sorry."

"Oh," her mother says. "Well. We are quite different, aren't we?"

Ainsley shifts in her seat, immediately, uncomfortably aware that there's something hidden behind her words that she can't quite make out. "Not that different. You--" She cuts herself off, which is also rude, but she's pretty sure her mother would have slapped her if she'd finished saying you made compromises in your relationship, too. "You, uh, would have a home dinner if Gil asked."

Her mother finishes her drink without looking at Ainsley, cheeks a little pink. "Ainsley..."

"I'm just saying," Ainsley says, turning back to her food with a grin.

--

Working from home--the one thing the pandemic brought that Ainsley's happy to hold onto--is great, but she can't deny the little rush of productivity she gets from being in the office again, even if she's just waiting in a hard plastic chair to talk with a man she hates. He's got to listen to her about this private investigator thing, though; he always listens to her when it comes to crime stories.

She used to get pissed about it, she's more than her father's daughter, but...well. Hoxley's here to investigate a murder she did, so.

Not that she plans to include that in her pitch.

When he finally waves her in, thirty minutes after their meeting was supposed to start, she can feel her smile is a little brittle around the edges. He looks up at her through his glasses, which badly need to be cleaned, and says, "What've you got, Whitly?"

"There's a private investigator here in town," she says quickly. "According to my sources, he's here to figure out who killed Nicholas Endicott."

"Your sources," Carr says, looking at something on his laptop. Ainsley's fingers twitch. "Your brother or your girlfriend?"

"...my brother," she says, knowing better than to tell Carr that her sources are private, even if that's what every ethics in journalism conference tells them. Carr thinks he's above it all.

She wonders who he'd assign her story to, if it ever came out. Leslie doesn't do the crime beat. No one does the crime beat except for her. He'd probably take it himself, try and get a Pulitzer, squander the research completely, and make her look innocent. Hm. It would help in court.

It's not healthy that she's thinking this, she knows, but at least she can talk to her dad about it later.

"Endicott died ages ago, why now?"

"His head surfaced in a lake somewhere," Ainsley says.

"Find out where. You're good, take the camera crew."

Ainsley smiles at him. "Thank you, sir."

He waves her out rather than even do her the courtesy of addressing her.

Dick.

--

Reporting is invigorating, as it always is, and she gets to wave at her brother before the cameras turn on. He looks panicked when he spots her, but whatever, she's literally here to do her job. She goes into autopilot, reporting the facts as she knows them--Simon Hoxley is here, he's researching Endicott, and there's caution tape preventing her crew from getting closer to this boat. When the camera operator turns as if to film the boat, she quickly gestures them back, hands low enough that it shouldn't be broadcasted. Can't he spot the body there? They'll get sued.

Also, she wants to be on camera. It's not like she got her degree in journalism because she dislikes attention.

They're able to chat with Hoxley for just a second, and he looks at her with a polite disinterest that is simultaneously heartening and discouraging. Pros: he doesn't suspect her. Cons: she's not even worth suspecting, the fuck? He's already glaring at Malcolm. Malcolm's everyone's focus.

At least, everyone but Dani, and she shouldn't feel so much vindictive little pride in that. Dani smiles at her when she passes by, rushing after the chaos that is her squad on a case. Ainsley grabs her hand and squeezes it quickly while the cameraman's busy catching Gil passing by. Dani beams at her, and Ainsley's heart thuds a little heavy in her chest.

She drops her hand, switches back to reporter mode, and concludes her broadcast with something about Hoxley getting to the bottom of this, and be sure to tune in for updates on the case.

--

The day drags by after that, giving bland check-ins to the camera while getting bizarre text updates about it all from Malcolm. Dani doesn't text at work unless it's important, and Ainsley finds herself hoping nothing comes up so that their dinner isn't postponed. She just wants to spend some time with her--whatever Dani is.

They should probably work that out.

Carr just grumbles when she checks in with him at the end of the day to see if there's anything else she needs to do, so she takes it as she's free and heads home. The taxi driver makes small talk with her about her broadcasts, and while he doesn't seem to understand that she is not involved in actually solving the murders, it's the most someone other than Dani or her brother has talked with her about the day-to-day of what she does in months. She tips like $600, because who the hell cares, it's her mom's money anyway.

Then she rushes around the apartment getting the few things ready that she couldn't do in the morning--actually lighting the candles, setting the table, restraining herself from setting more than one of each utensil on the table, getting the food where it's left outside her apartment when her phone dings to let her know, remembering to tip the driver right away, and getting the food on the table.

God, she hopes Dani gets here soon. The food smells good and her lunch with her mother wasn't exactly filling. One thing Dani's taught her is how ridiculous rich people portions are. (Dani's words, not hers.)

It's not ten minutes later when Ainsley hears Dani's hand on the handle, and realizes shit, she forgot to light the candles. She scrambles to get at least the one on the table. She turns to grab the lighter and hears Dani say, "Uh."

She whirls around. "Hi."

"Hi," Dani says with a soft smile. "What's all this?"

"You treated me to breakfast, so," Ainsley says.

"You didn't have to do this," Dani says, looking at the Thai on the table, smile not dropping or dimming in the slightest.

"I know," Ainsley says. "I wanted to."

"You're sweet," Dani says, and walks over to pull her into a kiss. "Do you really only have these long lighters?"

"I don't smoke and I don't like the small ones, I'm always worried I'm gonna burn myself," Ainsley says, and Dani laughs and lights the candle on the table for her.

The dinner's perfect, and Ainsley gets to vent about Carr not caring about her reporting beyond profits at all and Dani gets to talk about how ridiculous Hoxley and her brother were acting all day and Ainsley gets to bite down a joke about thumbs that she couldn't explain. Dani sneaks some of Ainsley's food off her plate, Ainsley smacks her hand away, and Dani shakes her hand as if it hurts while failing to suppress a smile.

Normally, this is the part of the night where Ainsley would pull Dani into bed, or into the shower while Dani gripes about the jeans being new. But the night feels warm and soft and Ainsley just wants to hold her.

"You've got me completely messed up," Ainsley says, and when Dani looks up at her, a bit of sauce on her lips, she can see she doesn't understand what she means. "I mean, like." She huffs. "I never felt like this in any of my, uh."

"Relationships?" Dani suggests.

"Are we? In one, I mean," Ainsley says, tapping her foot against the floor, an anxious tic she's had as long as she can remember.

"I'd like to be," Dani says slowly, and Ainsley knows what that cautious expression means. She's pretty sure she has it, too. "Do you?"

"Yeah," Ainsley says, and Dani relaxes. "Also, you've got some sauce on your lips." She wipes it off absent-mindedly, and Dani leans across the table to kiss her. The angle's awkward, but Ainsley's smiling into the kiss too much to mind.

The rest of the night is just idle, easy conversation. Ainsley feels light, giddy. Dani's arm around her shoulders, Ainsley's hand in Dani's, the dim mood of the candlelight. It's all perfect.

Still, at the end of the night Ainsley can't quite sleep, even as Dani snoozes peacefully next to her. She's not sure why. Everything's perfect. Dani's here, Dani's officially her girlfriend, she's getting to do her report on Hoxley, her and Malcolm got away with it. Every piece of her life is fitting together just fine.

"Babe?" Dani says, and Ainsley turns. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ainsley says grumpily. "I just can't sleep. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine," Dani says, already half-asleep again. "Sleep soon."

"I'll try," Ainsley whispers, staring at Dani. The easy acceptance, the give-and-take--it's new, but Ainsley loves it. She feels like she could tell her anything.

Oh. Dammit.

Seriously? she thinks to/at herself. You're upset we can't confess our murder? Fucking ridiculous. That's a normal thing to not tell someone. I mean, Dad--

Ainsley abruptly sits up, goes to take a shower. That's not--she can't think like that. There's unhealthy and there's self-sabotage, and that barrels over the line at lightspeed. Jesus.

Still, she turns back to look at Dani as she closes the bathroom door--slow, so as not to wake her again--and she can't help but think on it for far too long, staring at the tiles of her shower with a bitterness she wishes she could bite back.

She should text Malcolm. But he and Dani--that's still too fresh a wound. It's not like she can talk to her mom about it. And Dad...

The only reason she can think of not to is Dani would be disappointed. But that's enough.

Probably.

[hqprotectionsquad]

What about domestic headcanons for our best captains, Daichi, Kuroo, Bokuto and Oikawa? Just lie how they’d be as a husband and dad and stuff...

thank you for this request! on with the HCs :) hope you enjoy!

fun fact: i actually worked in backwards order for these so i started with oikawa and i tried to match the same amount for everyone else hehe (i also put this in a perspective of a female reader!)

Sawamura Daichi

Daichi—model citizen, model son, but when it comes to you, y’all might as well call him a goner because he doesn’t really know what the heck to do with his feelings.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s an awesome boyfriend, but that’s after you get over the hump of mutual crushes and “what do we call ourselves?” talk.

He definitely took his time in proposing to you. After like, what, six years of dating? He seems like the type. He knew that you were the end game for him, but he wanted to make sure you knew he was the end game for you. (If you catch my drift.)

He doesn’t like to attract attention, so he proposes to you in a really lax way, which you prefer actually.

You’re probably cooking breakfast one day, and this man has had this ring in his immediate vicinity for weeks, but this is the moment he wanted.

You turn around and he’s on one knee and you start crying before he can even say anything.

“Yes.”

“(Y/N), I haven’t said anything yet.”

“I know.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

It’s a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful reception held at a small park. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

He is, of course, the textbook companion. If you had to nitpick, you’d say that you wish you had your honeymoon at a destination, but hanging out in your new home, something just for yourselves, is pretty special.

Well, your home didn’t stay for just two people and you purchased it for that specific intention. You both are the type that knew you wanted children. It takes you a while to conceive, but it’s not a big deal because eventually, your daughter is born!

Again, literally the best dad from the get go. Your daughter is such a daddy’s girl, but hey, she loves him just as much as you do and you couldn’t ask for anything more. She’s a little spoiled, but she gets it from you. You’ve been spoiled by the best.

“(Y/N), can we get a dog?”

“Who’s asking, you or your daughter?”

With the largest eyes ever, “Both of us.”

How could you say no?

He’ll do anything for his children (assuming you’ll have more in the future).

The Karasuno boys come over often, with their own kids or without. Their lives aren’t complete without the other crows and their kiddos.

Kuroo Tetsurou

Kuroo and you meet in college. Although you are in the same year, he already places in courses meant for third year college students.

You probably swooned the first time you met him. Like c'mon, a guy who is tall, hot, athletic, and has a brain? Signing you up since yesterday.

You found your ways to him and he eventually brought you on a date!

One date turned into hanging out, being there for his intramural volleyball games (because let’s face it, he’d probably want to focus more on school rather than playing professional college volleyball), and definitely study sessions where you don’t necessarily talk, but you like to keep each other company!

He wants the proposal to be more private, so he’ll do it at a family party! He picks this mostly because your parents are a large part of your life and he wouldn’t want them to miss this for the world! (To be honest, you don’t quite realize that this party is technically for you. Your parents suggested that he hold it on an important date, so that you wouldn’t have any suspicions. I’d probably do the same thing.)

Kuroo literally chooses the moment to surprise you with his proposal right as you’re about to dip into some chips lololol

“You can finish your chips later, but can I ask now if you’ll marry me?”

Probably a really shit way of asking you to marry him but it’s endearing, you know? Of course you say yes, how could you not? You’re so in love with the dude that even the dumbest things that come out of his mouth are adorable.

It’s also a small wedding because how will you be paying for a 100+ reception in Tokyo? No thank you! The list is cut down to about 50 people and it’s a lot more intimate and your style.

Your honeymoon…let’s not talk about it right now. Let’s just say that even though the two of you planned for kids down the road, you had one nine months after those days of the two of you by your lonesome.

It’s a girl! Kuroo hoped for a boy, but he literally falls in love with her from the moment she’s born.

“(Y/N), she’s so beautiful. You did that, you gave birth to her.”

Two years later, a son comes along. He treats his children the same and he has a lot to teach them about everything! Of course, volleyball is an important thing in your household, so don’t be surprised if you hear the three of them yelling over a volleyball match on the TV. (One of them has a different favorite team than the others and it is not the boys.)

“Are you kidding me? How is that out?!”

“Dad, what do you mean, that was out by a long shot!”

“Yeah, dad, you know I don’t like this team as much as you guys, but that was out for sure.”

He’s domestic by the definition and he loves to take care of you and his family.

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto’s plans for proposing to you are simple: dinner at your favorite restaurant and propose at the end.

Most of his schemes are sweat-proof, but he couldn’t shake the idea of you potentially declining his proposal.

“Akaashi, I love her so much—”

“She’ll say yes, you don’t have to worry.”

When he arrived to pick you up, the sun is beginning to set so you are literally shimmering as you step outside.

“(Y/N)…you look so beautiful. Like a goddess! I look so, agh, I don’t know—”

“Don’t finish that, you look handsome, Koutarou,” you seal his lips with a kiss.

As the dinner progresses, his fidgeting is more prominent.

“Koutarou, are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m doing just fine! Maybe you’re the one that’s a little off!”

Dessert has you living in bliss and when he rattles off things he loves about you, you can’t help but to grin at your love.

This all makes you more surprised when he gets down on one knee and proclaims, “I love you, (Y/N)! I want to be your husband and the father to all of your babies. Please let me be that to you, so will you marry me?”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

An eventful wedding and honeymoon go by and you’re back home, living your lives together.

He actually wants to wait to have children until he establishes a career after his professional volleyball days are over. He just doesn’t want to spend all of his time away and have that hurt the family dynamic.

It’s rough when he’s away for long periods of time, but your alone time is something you cherish, as well as a clean house, because once he takes one step in, the house is dirty.

You two raise three children: a boy and a set of twins, a boy and a girl.

While Bokuto attempts to raise the boys on volleyball, it is actually the girl who gets hooked on the game.

“I can’t believe my little princess is playing the game I love so much!”

Bokuto tries to defend his daughter from the boys of the guys he used to play against. (In other words, Oikawa and Kuroo’s sons.)

Oikawa Tooru

To me, Oikawa is the type to propose after an important college game of theirs, after you’ve been dating since high school.

“We’ve been together for the longest time, so will you do me the honors of being mine for the rest of our lives?”

This is the one moment you’ve seen him at his most vulnerable.

Your wedding day is a big production, and after you are off to the honeymoon, it’s just a good time to relax and be in each other’s arms and company.

Even though he’s gone for some business trips, he likes to make the most of the days he’s with you—breakfast in bed, beach days (with volleyballs in stow), candlelit dinners.

Scratch only one moment. His second was when your son is born two years after you are married. It is a brutal birth, but you two came out healthy and happy.

With the birth scare, he is nowhere to be found because he’s off crying at the prospect of losing his wife and his son in one go.

“Iwa-chan, w-what if they both die?!”

“They won’t.”

When your son becomes old enough, Oikawa definitely teaches him how to play volleyball.

Oikawa also brings back little souvenirs from every business trip he returns from.

Upon looking back on old photos, “Dad, where is this one from?”

“This one is from our high school volleyball games. See, that’s your uncle, Iwa-chan, but don’t call him that. He’ll be upset at me.”

“And that one?”

“A business trip! That’s where me and mom went for our honeymoon too, but we don’t have any photos for you to look at from that.”

“How come?”

Oikawa chuckles and pats his son on the back. “Secret!” He exclaims as he winks at you.

[mikhailoist]

Why Dean and Cas Will Go Canon in 15x09: An Analysis Essay

There have been many speculations about what the future holds for Dean Winchester and Castiel as the end of Supernatural approaches. For the past eleven years, the Destiel relationship has been explored, although it has unfortunately been used as a way to queerbait LGBTQ+ audiences. Despite the subtext and the countless romantic tropes present between these two characters, they have not yet been established as a canon relationship on the show. However, the fifteenth and final season has built a storyline centered around Destiel and the very likely chance that they will become canon ⁠— specifically in the ninth episode. In this essay I will focus primarily on the impact the Destiel relationship has had on Dean’s character development, and why I believe Dean will finally admit his feelings for Cas in 15x09.

Dean has never been known for being the best at expressing his feelings. He has said the words “I love you” only twice on the show (to my immediate knowledge), and both of these moments occurred in the much later seasons. In the season 12 finale, when confronting his mom, Dean’s “I love you” follows an emotional exclamation of the words “I hate you”. He hates his mom for leaving him and making his life miserable, but he loves her because he can’t help it. Meanwhile, in season 14, Dean tells Sam “I love you for trying” when Sam attempts to find a different solution to the Michael problem. We as viewers know Dean loves his little brother, but the fact that it took him fourteen seasons to admit those words out loud conveys how difficult it is for him to grasp the concept of love. However, back in season 8, a discarded version of the script for 8x17 has Dean saying “I love you” to Cas during the scene where Cas, brainwashed by Naomi, is beating Dean up. This would have been the first time on the show that Dean said these words to anyone; however, Jensen disagreed with that part of the script and had it changed. He knew his character well enough to realize that, at that point in Dean’s story, he was not ready to utter those three words to anyone. However, the fact that the writers even considered having Dean tell Cas he loves him is proof that Cas has been a primary factor in helping Dean realize that it’s okay to let his walls down and express his love for other people. Castiel has, in many ways, offered his own love to Dean over the years, a love that Dean hasn’t ever known. All his life, Dean has either been hurt or abandoned by the people he has admitted to loving. His mother, Mary, severely hurt him and left a wound that is still healing ⁠— yes, he loves her, but he explicitly stated that he hates her, too. We never heard Dean say he loves his father, though if he loves one emotionally toxic parent because he can’t help it, we can assume he loves John for the same reason. Meanwhile, Dean’s love for his brother is definitely strong ⁠— he’s made deals to bring him back from the dead, and so on ⁠— and while that love has been reciprocated, Sam has never loved him quite as much. In 5x16, Dean learns that Sam’s personal heaven was the day he left for Stanford, which was Dean’s own personal hell. Dean has always pulled countless strings to save Sam’s life, but when Dean was trapped in Purgatory in season 8, Sam didn’t even consider trying to find a way to bring him back. The list goes on. This isn’t to say that Sam doesn’t love his brother; it just further proves my point that Dean has never felt the same love from the people he gives it to ⁠— at least, not from his immediate family. Castiel is another story. Cas has shown love to Dean in many ways, ways that can easily be defined as healthy, pure, unconditional, etc. He “hunted, rebelled, and [he] did it, all of it, for [Dean]”; he refused to leave Dean when the Mark of Cain was turning him evil; he gave up an entire army for Dean; he always comes when Dean calls to help him in his time of need; he “gripped [him] tight and raised [him] from perdition”. The list goes on and on. The point I’m making here is that, while Dean’s character has slowly been developing in the sense that he’s learning to let himself love people, he always ends up getting hurt in the end. Cas was the one who never hurt him. This brings us, finally, to the premise of their relationship in season 15. Dean is holding a grudge against Cas and closed himself off, which ultimately drove Cas away in 15x03. However, when we watch Dean blame Cas for Mary’s death, I believe we’re only seeing the surface of what’s really going on Dean’s head. Jensen even addressed this at his panel with Misha at DCCon, when he stated that there will be an answer to the question of why Dean is treating Cas so horribly in 15x09. He says, “Dean has a moment by himself where he prays to Cas, and it’s a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he’s treating Cas the way he treated him.” This spoiler alone is loaded with so much material that hints towards Destiel becoming canon, and I will address all of it shortly.

As soon as season 15 premiered, you, me, and all the other fans of this show knew we’d be in for a wild ride. With Jack dying at the end of season 14 and Chuck unleashing an apocalypse of ghosts on the world, we all had a feeling that the plot would center around Sam and Dean fighting ghosts like old times ⁠— taking the show back to the basics, per say. This was a fear I had, especially when one of the first trailers for the season featured Dean saying to Sam, “You and me against every soul in Hell? I like those odds.” However, right off the bat, we see in 15x01 that the brotherly relationship is not intended to be the primary focus of the season. It’ll definitely be a huge aspect, as it always is, but there are many other themes that outweigh the brotherly relationship and are becoming much more present in the final season. All of these themes connect back to Destiel in one way or another. The first one is “Family don’t end in blood”, a memorable quote that originated from Dean’s father figure, Bobby. The most important people in Sam and Dean’s life so far do not share their blood, but the boys consider them family. As this essay is focused on analyzing Dean’s character, I’m going to mention a few family members who don’t end in blood for Dean, specifically. The first is Bobby, of course, who is still a primary father figure in his life, despite being deceased since season 7. The second is Jody, who is the most maternal figure in Dean’s life and was once referred to as Dean’s mom over Mary. Another is Charlie, who was extremely important to Dean and, as he said, “the sister [he] never wanted” (jokingly, of course). Seasons 12 through 14 partly stripped away the “family don’t end in blood theme”, especially with Mary returning and the episode where Dean got to have closure with John. At the same time, Jack became like a son to Dean. Dean even says “he was our kid” when referencing Jack after his death in 15x01. So, even though Supernatural seemed to forget about “family don’t end in blood” for a while, it seems like the writers are returning to that theme in season 15. Cas, of course, is a huge part of this. He leaves in 15x03 because Sam and Dean “have each other”. This is heartbreaking to hear Cas say because, despite everything, Dean has always made it a point to tell Cas that he’s family (some of the prime examples being 8x17 and 11x23). However, it’s interesting to note that Dean forgave Jack at the end of season 14 for killing Mary, because he considers Jack family; meanwhile, Dean is still holding a grudge against Cas, even though Cas wasn’t the one who killed her. Not to mention Dean only knew Jack for a couple of years, while he’s known Cas for eleven ⁠— and still, for some reason, what Cas did was unforgivable. It’s extremely difficult from an audience viewpoint to understand why Dean is so unwilling to forgive Cas after everything they’ve been through, even though we know he considers Cas family. And that’s just the thing. Cas is more than family. That’s why Dean is closing himself off, because after everything revealed at the end of season 14, it’s easier for him to stay angry with Cas, the man he loves, than to face the truth that Chuck made known to them: “Nothing about [their] lives is real.” The “we are” scene in 15x02 clarified Dean’s fears about the Chuck situation. He believes nothing about his life has ever mattered, because Chuck designed every aspect of his life. Why, then, is he only choosing to project this anger onto Cas? Dean believes the fact that he saves people for a living doesn’t matter, yet he’s still saving them; he’s still fighting the good fight. He probably believes Rowena’s sacrifice doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, yet he mourns her death and feels terrible after she dies. Despite feeling this way, he still shows kindness to Sam, to Rowena, to Ketch ⁠— to everyone but Cas. The only reason for this that makes sense to me is the heartbrokenness Dean feels upon realizing that he and Cas were never real. He can bear the thought of his relationship with his brother being fake all along, but when it comes to Cas? The angel who pulled him out of Hell and the only one who has ever shown him what love truly looks like? If none of that was ever real, I can imagine why Dean feels the way he does. That doesn’t validate the way he’s treating Cas by any means, but knowing Dean, I understand. This man has always been closed off. When he finally opens himself up to the possibility of love thanks to Cas, only to have a fear instilled in him that none of it ever mattered, I understand how terrifying and heart-wrenching that is for him. I understand why it’d be easier for him to be angry at Cas and to push him away. And he wouldn’t do this if he just saw Cas as his brother ⁠— because he’s not even pushing his own brother away, and we know how close Sam and Dean are. No, he’s pushing Cas away because Cas matters to him in a way that is unparalleled. 

Three episodes into season 15 and the writers are already focusing on the Destiel “breakup” as the primary conflict. Every episode so far we’ve had some kind of interaction or comment that has increased the tension between them. The “we are” scene is a prime example, as is the final scene of 15x03, of course, but there are other moments as well. In 15x03, when Dean volunteers Cas to go to Hell with Belphegor, he subtly mentions that Cas has “been there before”. This moment was small and fleeting, but there’s no way the writers didn’t include it on purpose. Cas going to Hell to rescue Dean was the catalyst for their relationship. It’s where everything started. It’s a pivotal moment in Dean’s life that I’m sure he holds extremely close to his heart. Now that Chuck’s control over their lives has been revealed, Dean is probably thinking that Cas rescuing him from Hell never mattered, either. But it did matter, and that’s what Dean has to learn. And he will learn, because the second major theme of season 15 is going to focus on free will. I wholeheartedly believe this ⁠— it was even mentioned at Comic Con 2019. (This is also why I disagree with the fan theories that the Supernatural finale will mirror Swan Song, but that’s an entirely different essay.) Dean is going to learn that the relationship he built with Cas was a product of their own choices. When Cas said “we’re making it up as we go” in regards to him and Dean, he meant it. It will take him some time, but Dean’s going to see that he and Cas do matter and they are real. He’s going to pray to Cas in 15x09, which is a sign of his faith in Cas, not God. It’s a sign of faith in the angel who believes in free will just as much as he does, rather than a sign of faith in the god controlling their lives. The prayer alone can heavily be identified as a romantic trope, especially since Dean always prayed to Cas in the past. Cas was the one who taught him faith. Not faith in God, but faith in him. Faith that Cas would always come when Dean called and that he would always be there to pour love into Dean’s life. But a simple prayer isn’t going to be enough, and we all know this. This is where a spoiler released by Misha Collins comes in. Misha said, and I quote, “I think their current relationship is precarious, and it’ll take something really big happening to heal their divide.” Something really big. Knowing what we know about Dean, what is something really big going to look like? I’ve already restated Jensen’s own words that Dean’s prayer is going to be a confession, and to confess means to “admit or acknowledge something reluctantly, typically because one feels ashamed or embarrassed”. We know Dean feels ashamed about pushing Cas away, but why did he push Cas away? He’s going to have to tell Cas the full truth, otherwise Cas is not going to come back. He’s moved on; he’s tired of being treated like a punching bag, like he doesn’t matter. Sure, he’s been told by Dean that he’s “their brother”, but even that wasn’t enough to get him to stay when everything started falling apart. We know Cas loves Dean in a different way, a very special way. He knows he and Dean “share a more profound bond”; he was willing to risk everything for Dean. I’m sure he knows Dean feels the same way, but our poor hunter is going to have to admit that out loud if he wants his angel back. In 15x09, I believe Dean will confess to Cas that he pushed him away because he loves him. He’s going to admit that he loves him differently than Sam or Jack or any other member of his family, and that’s why it was harder to accept that he and Cas may never have been real. Hopefully, by 15x09, Dean will try to assure himself that they are real; that, or he will ask Cas to come back, because even if they’re not real, he would rather pretend that they are. I think he will tell Cas in his prayer that he wants to continue writing their own story. Back in season 4, Dean taught Cas how important it was to have free will; in 15x02, this was paralleled by Cas in the “we are” scene. I think it will all come full circle in 15x09, and Dean will realize that the story of him and Cas is beautiful, it’s not controlled by anyone else, and it’s theirs. Tears will form in Dean’s eyes, he’ll bow his head, and admit to Cas that he loves him. Not as a friend or a brother, but as someone he wants to be with in a romantic way. Because for the past 15 seasons, all signs have pointed to a romantic relationship between these two. Season 15 is already focusing heavily on a breakup storyline. And if Misha said it’s going to take something really big to patch things up, then Dean finally admitting his romantic feelings for Cas is the only thing that makes sense to me.