#abuse support

[furiousgoldfish]

May you find someone who is gentle to you. May you get a person who sees you and figures you out, only to be consistently kind and understanding to you. Someone who finds it easy not to prod you where it hurts, and to respect that some things are uniquely painful to you. Someone who has the patience for all of your triggers, without trying to fix them. Someone who lets you take all of the steps in your recovery on your own, but cheers you on, on every step of the way.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

I don't want to see my family. I feel guilty and horrible, but I just can't stand the thought of seeing them. They were never abusive, not physically at least, but they kept me trapped and under a lot of pressure and expectations that I couldn't always meet. And when I didn't, well, bad things happened.

They say I owe them everything.

But now I'm living away from home, I've been away for almost three years and not even once did I think of going back. In this brief time I've experienced wonderful things and met lovely people. I may not have everything I once did, but I'm truly and genuinely happy. I'm free.

But now I'm scared. I don't want to see them, I really don't. They want to come visit and what am I supposed to do? Tell them no?

I don't know what to do. Please, help me.

yes, sweetheart. telling them no is abso-fucking-lutely exactly what you're supposed to do.

listen, darling: family is a social contract that functions from the top down. and honoring your parents is great, but when your parents abuse you, they break the social contract and render it void. when the people who chose to bring you into the world, who were responsible for your existence, who were legally required to care for you, make the choice to harm you, your obligation of loyalty to them is severed.

and they may not have hit you, but they definitely abused you, sweetheart. it's very, very common for abuse survivors to minimize what was done to them as "not that bad" or "it could have been worse", to say that their abuser "also did [nice thing]", but that doesn't change the fact that the abuse that did happen, never should have fucking happened. there is no justification for abuse, period.

you might wonder how i can so confidently say that they abused you, and honestly, it's because a) i've talk to a lot of people with abusive parents, i know what they sound like, and b) if they hadn't done something horrible to you, you would not feel this kind of dread at the idea of seeing them.

trauma itself is evidence of abuse. read that again for me.

if you'd like more proof, this is a great article: 15 Signs Of Emotionally Abusive Parents And How To Deal With Them

(however, i can't agree with their suggestion that you talk to your parents about changing their behavior before distancing yourself. abusive parents will just use that good faith choice to hurt and manipulate you further.)

i promise that you don't owe your family anything, much less "everything". you did not choose to be fucking born, did you? they chose to have you. they chose to create a helpless child that they were legally required to feed, clothe, and shelter. you can be grateful for that, sure, but you can never owe them for it.

you're an adult, living your own life. you have your own home, you take care of yourself, you work your job and pay your bills. despite the dread and panic that these people send shooting through your stomach, you're not a helpless child anymore, i promise. you have the power to tell them no, and to enforce that 'no'. you have the strength to stand up to them and refuse to be treated the way they treat you.

talk to the lovely people you've met. i promise you that this is the kind of thing that good friends legitimately want to help you deal with, that they will want to support you and offer you advice and encouragement. you don't have to and shouldn't do this alone, and it's okay to ask for help. no one will laugh at you or tell you that you're overreacting, they will want to support you.

i know it's fucking scary. but you've built something good and you deserve to defend it from the people who caused you so much pain. you deserve to say no, no matter how they react. you're not responsible for their reactions.

they've lost the right to being welcome in your life. and while you don't owe them shit, you DO owe it to yourself to protect your freedom with hard boundaries and self-respect.

you can do this, sweetheart, i promise. protect your happiness and your freedom. you're stronger than you think you are. you can do this.

[nothing0fnothing]

Shame is an emotion.

It seems obvious when you read it like that, but it's important to remind yourself when you feel it, because shame doesn't feel like an emotion when you're dealing with it.

Shame feels like an objective part of you, and I'm here to remind you, it's not an objective part of you, it's just a feeling.

[thedivineprocess]

   ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆        ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

abuse is....

-acting overly irritated over your child’s behavior in front of them

-yelling at your kid when things can be solved in other ways

-calling your child “harmless” name, even if not a proper noun (e.g. you’re so ungrateful)

-pitting your own problems on your child

-acting out on your stress at your child

-being non accepting of your child/not letting them explore

-being a helicopter parent

you’re being abused if...

-they’ve ever made you feel suicidal because of something they said

-you are scared of them, even if not all of the time

-you are afraid to go to your parent about stuff, even medical stuff

-your parents have ever inspired you to self harm/starve, even if you didn’t act on it

-you get very upset over the stuff your parents say

it’s not just teenage hormones. it’s not just you being overdramatic. 

even if you aren’t experiencing textbook abuse, that doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.

   ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆        ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[arctasy]

shelby’s recent statement on twitter

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

[in-the-archives]

(source)

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[give-grian-rights]

hey guys how SHITTY OF A RESPONSE do you have to make, for DreamWasTaken to make a better statement than you? x

i always thought of Wilbur as a fantastic writer and how the fuck did this guy MAKE SUCH A BAD STATEMENT that he got upstaged by DREAM??

This is one of the best things i've ever seen come from Dream. Words, actions, and intent, and to have someone who, for better or worse, has such a big platform support Shelby is just amazing to see.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[becomingvecna]

#my writing

[neuroticboyfriend]

get in bitches, we're surviving rock bottom no matter how much further we dig. one day we'll put down the shovel and climb out of this for good. we have to. as long as we're still alive there is hope.

[bigfatbreak]

Noooooo, why is Nooroo an Adrianette shipper. Doesn't he know that Luka is bestest boy

coz he ALSO was on the front lines of Gabriel being a dickhead. He sees Adrien as a family member and wants him to get whatever support and connection he has that's outside of the Agreste's megamansion and away from Gabriel