#and you absolutely can’t bc you’re exactly the failure they all thought you would be

[jmin]

went thru the traumatic experience of hanging out with highschool acquaintances and having to explain how my life sucks rn and I’m still not over that conversation

[stutterfly]

Failure to Communicate

This was a joint collab fic that @gukslut​ and I worked on, commissioned by @cypherft-v as part of our fundraising for Black Lives Matter. Thank you for contributing! Banner & moodboard by me :)

{Pairing} Park Jimin/ Reader

{Genre} Enemies to Lovers/ College AU/ comedy/ smut

{Rating} Mature - Explicit 

{Word Count} 21K

{Warnings} oral, kissing, fingering, protected sex, biting, marking, other filthy shit

{Summary} You've always had a crush on Park Jimin, but the truth is that you're just one of many. He just so happens to be the TA for one of your classes, and you're determined to make your feelings known. Whether or not he takes you seriously remains to be seen.

{Prompt} Could either of you write an enemies to lover story about jimin and y/n set in college where he was her TA and got her kicked out of her major bc he didnt give her the grade she needed and was generally unhelpful? Posted on tumblr on August 17, 2020 by stutterfly and cross-posted to Ao3. I do not allow reposting, translations, or edits, to any platform, including YouTube.

Ten more minutes. You can barely see the clock from your seat against the wall. The lecture hall isn't crowded by any means; to the contrary, this Tuesday/Thursday psych class is usually pretty empty. You could have just as easily sat in the middle, but it doesn't afford you the same view. Well, it does. But not the one you prefer. It's just that positioned front and center, your staring would look more obvious. At least that's what you're telling yourself. If you stare from the corner it's less conspicuous, which is important because you do a lot of staring in this class. Park Jimin is the TA.

The man in question sits off to the side at a table of his own, typing away on his laptop. This reminds you that you haven’t been doing much other than quietly ogling from a distance. The only notes you're taking are lackluster doodles of his appearance and the occasional squiggle of your pen at the quiet sighs he lets out when he stretches his back after sitting hunched over his laptop for too long.

Jimin is absolutely breathtaking — even in an ugly plaid three-piece suit and perfectly round spectacles that would look horrid on any normal person. You're definitely not the only one who has noticed. His beautiful features and fantastic bone structure forge a man who is borderline ethereal. With soft eyes, big pouty lips, a flawless complexion, and a flirtatious demeanor he has enraptured many over the years. He's popular... like, really popular.

You begrudgingly count yourself among those love-smitten numbers. You know it’s hopeless and illogical. He could have any person he so desired at any point in time. Why would he ever choose someone like you? If you’d been paying any sort of attention to the subject matter of this class you might know that things like feelings and life’s rhetorical questions often don’t make sense.

But you’re shit at psychology. You’re more of a blunt poet at heart, and that heart is often hidden behind twisted brambles of anxiety and sharp thorns of insecurity.

You are but a speck of dirt upon his round glasses. It’s been a hopeless, silent crush for some time, but now that he’s assisting the professor in this core requirement for your academic studies, he has to acknowledge your presence. You’re a speck he has to look at before swiping you out of sight with a wave of his hand.

He's the object of just about everyone's affections, and rightfully so. He's not just gorgeous, he's charismatic, charming, and such a smooth talker. The word on campus says those pretty lips of his can do a lot of other really wonderful things too. You've been watching him chew on them for the past five minutes straight, wondering how many times his deliciously pink tongue can sweep over them before he makes them chapped.

Maybe they're chapped already. Maybe you should offer him your chapstick? Or maybe you should never talk to him at all, because you don't stand a chance. Park Jimin would chew you up and leave you bleeding out with a broken heart, and you know it. That doesn't stop you from imagining all the ways he could take you in his mouth first. You could watch those pretty lips all day long, but you’ll settle for an hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Looking up as if he's been paying attention all along, Jimin attempts to figure out where the professor is in the lesson. It’s obvious that he wasn't listening at all and was instead answering messages. It would be nice if he could say they were messages for class, but that's not true and Jimin is a lot of things, but he isn't a liar. He's been talking to Chungha, his current flavor of the week.

He turns toward the students as the professor dismisses the class and there you are, eager and awestruck. It takes every ounce of self control Jimin has not to roll his eyes. Another fan, he presumes. You can't handle him, but he can tell by the embarrassed way you tear your eyes from him to look anywhere else that it hasn't stopped you from thinking about it.

Trying to seem nonchalant now is a lost cause. Jimin has no shame and although you busied yourself by packing up your neglected textbooks and darting your gaze to various points in the room for a straight minute, Jimin is still staring at you when you look back at him. He smirks when your eyes meet. It's not a flirty kind of smirk, you sadly note. It's condescending in your eyes, which further solidifies your theory: Jimin is too much for you no matter how badly you want a taste of him.

"Did you take notes?" he asks, nodding toward your backpack where you've just tucked your computer and sketched up notebook.

"I- uhh..." You panic.

"You know that was all about the exam next week. You're gonna need those notes if you want to have any hope of passing it," he tells you, shoving his own computer into his bag.

"I was just.. um, I was--" you attempt to explain.

"Busy staring at me?" He smiles and you know he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s teasing oh gyou.

You balk at the blatant accusation and force a half-laugh, half-scoff from your throat. “No.”

"Yes," he corrects with a light and mellifluous laugh. "Is there pen on my face or were you hoping you could be?"

"What?" you choke, eyes watering at the idea.

Jimin shakes his head, laughing softly to himself as he remembers his surroundings. With a small clear of his throat and the subtle adjusting of his tie, he provides a suggestion for you. “Get them from Taehyung.”

"Get what?" you ask, drawing a blank on what this conversation was even about. It's the first time you've ever actually talked to him outside of your dreams and it’s proving to be a lot harder than you thought it would be.

"The notes, Y/N. Get the notes from Taehyung, you know, the ones that you didn't take today because you were daydreaming about my mouth," he tells you, heading for the door.

Taehyung, who is the only other person left in the room wiggles his fingers at you in a wave. When you turn back, Jimin is gone.

"Need the notes?" Taehyung asks, voice free of judgement.

"Please," you sigh, relieved that he'd waited.

He spins his laptop toward you, where an email is already open with the notes attachment added. "Drop your address in there," he says standing up.

"Thank you so much," you say, frantically typing your student email into the space.

"Hey, y/n?" Taehyung asks, the bristles of curiosity or concern painting his tone with a soft comfort.

"Yeah?"

"Jimin is a fool," he tells you.

"What?"

"If you were looking at me like that, I'd at least ask for your number." Tae offers a combination of large hopeful eyes and a giant goofy grin as he holds his phone out for you.

Giggling, you take it from his hand and add your number to his contacts list. He purses his lips to hide his excitement as he takes his phone back. He slides it into his pocket before hastily packing the rest of his things into his leather messenger bag.

"Thanks, Taehyung," you say, waving on your way out the door.

"Wait!" he shouts after you, half of the contents of his bag threatening to spill onto the floor as he scrambles away from the table. He adjusts his belongings and clears his throat, instantly adopting a smooth persona. "Where are you going? I'll walk you."

"My car?"

"Wanna come eat with me?" he wonders. He's confident, but it's not the same kind of arrogant confidence that Jimin oozes. He's softer. He feels more real, more attainable. He obviously knows he's a catch and he’s definitely expressed the same about you. What could be the harm in letting an attractive man stroke your ego a little bit? If you’re being honest with yourself, you can use the boost after such a pathetic display towards your crush.

"Oh, uh... yeah. I guess so," you agree, letting him lead the way out the door.

"Cool." Tae takes his glasses off and hooks them in his shirt. Pulling a snapback from his bag, he pushes his hair back and puts it on before he swings his messenger bag over his shoulder. Damn. Why did that raise his hotness like ten whole levels?

"You like hamburgers?"

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Taehyung slips into the seat next to you on Thursday, brushing against you very deliberately as he passes.

"Hello, sugar," he says, licking his lips as he spares a fleeting glance down at your chest.

"Hey, Tae," you greet him while your eyes are still locked on Jimin.

"Still on Jimin, huh?" he asks. He doesn't sound particularly disappointed, or surprised for that matter. He's just stating a fact. You're relieved he's not offended. Letting him eat you out in his backseat after dinner was probably not your best decision, although it seems like it meant about as much to him as it did to you.

"I don't know," you say with a shrug.

"It's okay. I can't blame you. I could put in a good word for you if you want. We're close," he informs you, sitting back and spreading his legs wide under the desk.

Sighing, you rest your cheek in your palm. "I've got a plan," you confess.

"Oh yeah?" he chuckles. He playfully knocks his knee against yours as if to signal for you to spill. "Do tell."

"I think I need a little extra help with this material," you tell Taehyung.

"Good luck, Y/n. I hope he can squeeze you into his busy schedule, but hey, if he can't, I'm totally down to squeeze into yours anytime."

Looking at Tae out of the corner of your eye, you smile at the grin he wears and start to laugh at the way he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

"I'll keep that in mind," you joke.

"Please do."

The minutes drag on as you wait for this class to end. Doing your best to seem a little less obsessive this time, you make a point to take notes and look at the teacher more than the TA. Jimin still catches you staring at least three times. It's embarrassing, but not enough to stop you from approaching him as the room empties out.

"Hi, y/n," Jimin sings, giving you a knowing smile.

"Hi." You tuck your hair behind your ear, and smile back.

"Do you need something?" he wonders, purposefully combing his fingers through his silver hair.

Damn, do you ever.

"I was wondering if you had time to help me. I'm struggling with this material and I could really use some one-on-one guidance." Leaning over his desk you make sure he has a good view right down your shirt, not that his eyes wander from yours. While he shows restraint in his gaze you swear he briefly drags his bottom lip through his teeth before he catches himself.

"One-on-one, huh?" He sticks his tongue in his cheek, looking amused. "I bet Taehyung would give you some one-on-one guidance."

You're sure that's true, but it's not Taehyung you're after. Taehyung isn’t the TA. Taehyung isn’t getting paid to help teach a course. Of course you want to say that and in your head you rehearse the words but you can’t seem to find a way to phrase them eloquently enough. Why do you always get stupid brain around him? Your plan is quickly falling apart.

Jimin waits for your response with his eyebrows raised. You know he's two seconds away from leaving you gaping at him and walking out the door, so you do something incredibly rash and stupid.

"I like you," you blurt out.

Jimin smiles. He knows that, obviously. He also knows damn well that you're perfectly capable of looking back at your notes by yourself. You're definitely smart and dedicated enough to study on your own. He can't help teasing you anyway.

"Everyone likes me," he casually informs you as he plants his palms on the desk and leans on them.

He peeks over the edge of his glasses as he looks up at you, like some kind of otherworldly sexy librarian. If deities ever needed a librarian, Jimin wouldn’t even need a resume. His charm and seduction are so strong that you almost miss his rejection. Almost. You're stunned into silence when it hits you. Just as you're about to tuck and run, he smiles again.

"But,” he pauses to click his tongue thoughtfully, “I think I have some time on Saturday. I'll give you my number.” He rips a corner of paper out of his notebook. "Is it okay if I come to your place? Do you have a dorm or…”

"Oh. My apartment’s fine!" you flounder, trying to remember how to speak coherent sentences. Jimin. In your room. How many dreams have you had about this moment? "I mean, yeah, sure. You'll come to mine, yeah."

Jimin giggles and it sounds like pealing bells. You're lost in the beautiful sound of it until you realize that he's laughing at you. "You okay with that? We could meet somewhere else instead."

"I wouldn't mind you in my room," you sigh. Open mouth; insert foot.

He raises an eyebrow, giving you a chance to backtrack, but you're both well aware you meant every word of that.

"Okay, y/n. See you Saturday then. Call me."

"I’ll call you," you repeat, resisting the urge to slap your palm over your face. You sound like an idiot. Stupid brain strikes again.

Jimin barely notices, all too used to girls falling over themselves to get his attention. You’re no different to him, just another pretty face in a sea of women entranced by the way he walks, talks, and breathes. It’s not his fault he’s so damn pretty. He does note that you’re brave, however. Not many people come on to him so brazenly, and that’s something worth rewarding. Besides, he feels a sort of obligation to help you out. He is getting paid to help out the professor, after all.

He winks at you as he leaves, taking your breath and your sanity with him. You have Park Jimin’s phone number. Park Jimin is going to be in your apartment in two days. Maybe you didn’t bomb that as hard as you thought.

A slow clap beckons you to look back for the source and you find Taehyung looking back at you with his boxy grin. When he’s sure he’s got your attention he raises his two thumbs up in approval.

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Jimin is not surprised when Chungha disappears into the clusterfuck of bodies as soon as they step into the party. They may have come here together, but their fling is on its last leg and they both know it. She wants him off her couch, doesn't appreciate the feeling of tied-down-ness that comes with your friend with benefits staying over all the time. She's ready to move on, that means he has to as well.

Jimin isn't even sure whose house this is, but he’s happy to tag along for free booze and maybe a new face to go home with. Luckily, his friends are never far, and he finds them easily. Getting absolutely hammered in the backyard makes them hard to miss. Jungkook is the only one looking particularly bored as a very drunk Taehyung hangs all over him talking about the sweetest thing he ever tasted.

"Why so glum?" Jimin asks, nudging Jungkook's shoulder with his own.

"I'm the designated driver tonight," Jungkook sighs, pushing Taehyung off of him.

Taehyung slumps to the ground, immediately entranced by the stars above him. Jungkook kicks at him gently.

"Where's your girlfriend? I haven't seen you without your tongue down her throat all week," Jungkook wonders, looking behind Jimin for the woman in question.

"Girlfriend," Jimin repeats with a snort. "Hilarious. That's not a thing. She's probably looking for her next kill."

Jungkook regards Jimin thoughtfully, his eyebrows scrunching toward each other. "If you take over DD you can have the futon."

Jungkook loves his futon. It's one of his most prized possessions. He keeps it very clean and being allowed to get anywhere near it is a privilege. Jimin is pretty sure he goes over it with a lint roller as part of his nighttime routine. It's also incredibly comfortable.

Jimin releases a breath in a tortured groan as he thinks over his options. He could get black out drunk and wake up god knows where with a terrible hangover, or he could hang out and watch his friends get black out drunk and then wake up on a futon that feels more like a cloud than a mattress, a little slice of heaven in Jungkook and Taehyung's little apartment.

"Okay," Jimin relents. "Give me the keys. I’ll stick to water for the rest of the night."

"Ah, I love you man," Jungkook praises, tossing his keys in Jimin's general direction before grabbing the newly opened can of beer out of Taehyung's hand below him. Taehyung, still staring up at the sky with a glazed smile, doesn't react. It takes Jungkook all of five seconds to pour the contents of the can straight down his throat. He follows this by smashing the can in a bicep curl with a giggle and a bashful smile.

"Do it again," an unfamiliar girly voice pleads from across the table. She tosses him another can and he repeats the action, turning away when he's finished so that he doesn't have to see her reaction. Jimin knows what's going to happen once his friend gets a few more beers in him. Jungkook is going to go apeshit. There will be no trace of this shy hunk of muscle who blushes and coils away from pretty girls. He'll be chest thumping shirtless and picking up everyone who gets close enough to touch. Half of them will probably end up thrown in the pool, if history is anything to go by, and he'll most likely have the hottest girl at the party slobbering all over him in the backseat when Jimin drives him home tonight.

Jimin's suspicions prove true an hour later when Jungkook throws Tae in the pool. Jimin runs to the edge of it in a panic. Tae was very drunk so he needs to make sure he's not just sinking like a stone. That was his first mistake, although he'd make it again to keep Taehyung safe. His second mistake was wearing these ridiculously tight ass jeans.

Any other pair and he might have been able to pry his cell phone from his pocket the second he felt JK's hands on his back. Had he worn any other pair of pants he might have been able to throw it to safety in the grass before he hit the surface of the pool. As it stands, his skin tight jeans are soaked through, Tae is slightly more sober than he was when Jimin arrived and is swimming just fine, and Jimin's phone is totally destroyed.

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You should be sleeping. It's three in the morning. You should definitely not be awake right now. Lifting your phone up for the three hundredth time tonight, you're not surprised to have no new notifications. That text you sent to Jimin hours ago has gone unanswered.

You typed and erased it at least ten times, agonized over what to say, and how to say it. By the time you pressed send, the message was nothing like how it began and you noticed a second too late that you didn't even tell him who you were. Adding a second text saying 'it's y/n btw' seemed so desperate. You've been waiting for him to ask who you are for so long that you've convinced yourself he already knows and he's avoiding you on purpose. Who else would have said "i'm excited to see you tomorrow" in a text about meeting up to study? He knows it's you. He has to. The alternative possibility that he plans to see other people tomorrow too is too bothersome to accept. You really need to let this go and try to sleep.

Keys in the door stop you from dragging yourself off the couch. Your roommate will see you and accuse you of trying to run away from him to avoid something. He’s right, of course. You’ve attempted to flee from your problems in the past, against his advice. Now you know better than to try. It's much better to face things with Yoongi head on. At the very least, maybe he's got something helpful to say.

"Why're you up? You look sad." His words slur just the tiniest bit and he leans against the wall for stability as he takes off his shoes just inside the door. You see right through his attempts at nonchalance. He's tipsy.

"A boy I like isn't texting me back," you admit with a scowl. "You didn't drive, did you?"

"No, friend dropped me off. Is it Taehyung?" Yoongi asks, not pausing for an answer. "I wouldn't worry too much. He talked about you a lot tonight. He was really drunk though. You should go to bed. He'll probably text you in the morning."

You don't bother to correct Yoongi. Admitting you're harboring a huge fucking crush on the campus it-boy is the most foolish thing you could possibly do. It's embarrassing and naive and Yoongi would pity you for falling for someone so far out of your league. Maybe you should just date Taehyung and forget about Jimin. He sure seems to have forgotten about you.

When the morning comes and your only notifications are an email from Target and a text from your mom, you muster up every bit of courage you could possibly find in your body and call him. You’d rather know if he’s deliberately ignoring you now than agonize over other possibilities all day.

It doesn't even ring. His phone goes straight to voicemail. You try again, and a third time. Voicemail, voicemail. Could it be you rushed putting his number in and did it incorrectly? You dig through your backpack for the slip of paper he gave you to double check, and sure enough, it’s his number. He's ignoring you. He turned off his phone to solidify that fact in your brain.

Last night, laying awake waiting for his name to light up your phone, you felt pretty damn bad. In the daylight, with rest and a clear head, you're absolutely crushed. He was supposed to come over. You had plans. It was stupid of you to think you could earn space in his mind or time in his schedule. He played you, and it hurts.

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Studying on your own proves more difficult than you imagined. With only Tae's notes to go by, you feel like you're quizzing yourself on things you already know. Turning to the textbook doesn't give you the specialized knowledge you need for the exam. You could never hope to memorize enough of it that you'd retain something pertinent.

On top of that, your heart hurts. You were so close to spending time together you could practically smell the subtle scent of his cologne. He pulled the rug right out from under you so fast, your ass is sore from falling on it so hard.

Sunday and Monday pass miserably in their slowness as you continue to nurse your tender rejected heart. You spend two days mulling over how you're going to face Jimin on Tuesday, let alone how you’re going to pass this exam when you're so disgustingly focused on figuring out why he stood you up and ignored you all weekend.

Tuesday comes too soon and you find yourself lingering outside the lecture hall for way longer than any sane person should.

That's what bothers you the most about this whole thing with Jimin. He's stolen your sense. How on earth did you let a stupid crush, on a boy you hardly know, get between you and your grades? You tell yourself no more as you suck in a deep breath and steel yourself to march right through the door. You're not going to let Park Jimin and his cruelty stand between you and your credits.

With your resolve solid and your head held high, you push yourself forward. You don't even spare a glance in his general direction as you pass, although it would be a lie to say you didn't clock him in your peripheral. Tae sits down next to you a moment later and you thank your lucky stars you have a friend here to make you look busy.

"Ready to make this exam your bitch?" he asks, making finger guns at you and clicking his tongue.

"That remains to be seen," you say, turning toward him in your seat so that Jimin is behind you. "I couldn't get anything done this weekend," you confess. "I thought I was more prepared than I am so it really just depends on what's on the exam."

"Aw fuck, you could have called me," he says, passing you his note cards. "We could have studied together."

"Oh, Tae," you sigh, pushing his hand back and refusing his offer of notes. "You should use this time for yourself. It wouldn't be fair of me to take it from you."

"We've got ten minutes." He points to the clock at the front of the lecture hall. "Quiz me. It will help us both."

Ten minutes fly by as you do your absolute best to retain any of the information in Taehyung's carefully written cards. You take one last glance at it before someone slips it from your hand and replaces it with a test. You know it's Jimin.

Only when you look up and level him with a glare does it seem to register on his face that you're angry. Realization dawns on him as you snatch the test and lean over it on your desk.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry," he quietly whispers, but he's moving on already. The exam is about to begin. He doesn't have time to explain himself right now. He knows what it looks like. He led you on and stood you up without so much as a text message. He should have asked Tae to tell you what happened, but the truth is that he forgot about you entirely and he knows that is the cruelest thing he could possibly confess.

Nearly an hour later you set your pencil down and run your fingers through your hair. Did any of those answers make sense? Your only possible saving grace is bullshitting your way through the open responses. Maybe you’ll earn some partial credit at the very least.

You swallow the petty words threatening to spill from your tongue as you gather your things and approach Jimin’s desk with your test in hand. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice the anxious glances he threw your way. You swore every time you looked up he was looking at you, so you’d squint like you were checking the time, like you had somewhere more important to be than taking an exam for a core requirement course.

As you slap the packet of your evident failure down on his desk, you don your best apathetic expression. You look down at him and allow a sliver of eye contact, just enough to send the message that you don’t care anymore. You try to look bored. He doesn’t deserve to see how he’s hurt you or angered you. He’s nothing to you. You’re nothing to him, but you’re not beneath him. He’s beneath you. You don’t just look at him; you look through him.

He blinks a few times and a chill runs down his spine. He opens his mouth to speak, but the words won’t form.

“Don’t bother. I don’t care,” you whisper with a roll of your eyes.

You make sure to straighten your shoulders and keep your chin up as you turn on your heel and leave. You bombed that exam and you know it, thanks to your stupid feelings, but at the very least you achieved the victory of shaking Park Jimin to his core. So why do you feel like you’re about to sob in the bathroom down the hall?

Oh. Because you are. You spend at least five minutes composing yourself and washing your face before your phone buzzes with a much needed distraction.

[NEW MESSAGE] Tae: hungry?

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Jimin’s leg bounces uncontrollably under his desk while he waits for the remaining students to finish their exams so he can go after you. He wracks his brain for ways to clear the nervous tension dwelling within but it’s no use. Confrontation makes him so uncomfortable. Still, he can’t have you thinking he’s a total douche. He should text you. Fuck, he should call you. And he would, if he had a working phone. The second the last student drops their exam on his desk he’s going to find you and apologize.

He knows his reputation precedes him. He knows exactly what this looks like. You probably think he blew you off to get some or just led you on entirely, but he really did mean to meet up with you. He needs to clear the air. Maybe he’s a little loose with his morals at times, but he’s never an asshole on purpose. He prides himself on being a beacon of positivity and an example on how to make people feel good even if it’s only to make them feel good. He barely knows you, but it bothers him to think that you’re out there thinking he’s a heartless jerk and that he hurt your feelings on purpose.

It’s a big campus and Jimin spends the better half of an hour searching it before he finds you in the cafeteria with Taehyung. You look awfully close, and he almost feels bad interrupting you, but he owes you an explanation. It’s a mystery to him why on earth you would seek out his company when Taehyung seems all too willing to be what you need.

Taehyung notices him before you do. He shakes his head at Jimin disapprovingly. “Cold, man. So cold.”

Jimin nods, hanging his head. He’s well aware. You haven’t turned around yet and don’t intend to. If Jimin can ignore you then you can ignore him too. Besides, if you turn to face him, he might notice your watery, puffy eyes. How incredibly foolish that would be to admit that you’ve been crying about being stood up by someone you’ve barely even spoken to.

“Y/n?” Jimin’s soft voice calls to you, melodic and soothing as ever. “Can I have a minute?”

Taehyung looks between the two of you while he moves a french fry into his mouth at a snail’s pace and slowly chews as if this is free entertainment.

“No,” you answer.

“I’m sorry about Saturday,” he tells you, progressing despite your refusal to listen. He plants his hands on the table beside you and leans in to try to steal a glance at your profile, but you turn your head away.

“Jungkook pushed me in the pool right after this asshole,” he says, pointing at Taehyung. “My phone was in my pocket. It’s ruined.”

“Hey,” Taehyung interrupts, his mouth open in protest and full of half-chewed fries. “Don’t pin this on me. You could have asked any one of us to let her know what happened. You never even mentioned it. Why don’t you just admit that you forgot?” Taehyung suggests, jamming another french fry into his little paper cup of ketchup before cramming it into his mouth.

Jimin fumes for a moment, glaring at Tae before he pulls out the chair next to you and spins it around. He straddles it and rests his chin on the backrest. “Y/n, I’m sorry. I forgot. I swear I never would have done something like that to you on purpose. My phone getting ruined messed up a lot of things, but if you give me another chance, I’d love to prove that I’m not the horrible person you think I am.”

Silence. You glance over at Taehyung, willing him to speak up and either back Jimin up or get you out of this. You’re ready to forgive Jimin already and leave with him right now and it’s not lost on you how bad that looks. It’s so easy for Jimin to have you wrapped around his fingers. You wish he was ugly. You wish you never signed up for this stupid class. You wish you could feel for Tae the way you feel for Jimin so that you could just leave with him instead. You’re about ready to anyway when he finally opens his mouth again.

“I think you should take her out to eat. Eating out is the perfect way to apologize, don’t you think?” Tae’s grin is so wide it makes his eyes crinkle.

You huff out a humorless laugh. If that’s what you wanted you’d stick with the original plan and be in the backseat of Taehyung’s car again in the next twenty minutes. Against your better judgement, you turn to look at Jimin, puffy eyes and runny nose no longer hidden. He’s a little taken back by your expression. He smiles at you softly and reaches out to brush his knuckles against your cheek. You practically melt into his touch.

“Mmm, I would like something sweet.” Jimin licks his lips. “How about ice cream?”

“When?” you ask, embarrassed by the way your voice cracks and by how easily you’re giving in.

“Now?”

“Well, look at the time,” Tae says, standing with his tray and messenger bag. “I’ve got to go wash my hair but you two have fun on your date. Use protection!” he calls behind him on his way toward the exit.

You’d be irritated by his blunt suggestion if his statement didn’t swirl a storm of butterflies deep in your gut. You’re so distracted by them that you don’t realize that you’re still gaping at Jimin in disbelief.

“So?” Jimin wonders, holding out his hand.

“I don’t forgive you,” you insist while taking it into yours. Although it’s probably a lie, he doesn’t call you on it. He simply smiles and gives your hand a tiny comforting squeeze.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

“My car is on the other side of campus,” you tell him once you’ve stepped outside. “Where are you parked?”

“Oh, um,” he stalls. “I thought it might be nice to walk, give us more time to talk. Is that okay?”

“Isn’t it kind of far?” you ask, assuming he's taking you to that chain ice cream shoppe a few miles off campus.

"No, this place is close. It's a secret. Not many people know about it," he says with a wink.

"You say that to everyone don't you?" You narrow your eyes at him, moving out of reach when he tries to put his arm around you.

"No," he laughs. "I've been here with other people, though. I was here with Jin last week." He smiles, leading the way toward a small alley between buildings.

You follow him easily, questioning again why you have so little self preservation when it comes to him. At the other end of the alley you can see what looks like a park. Green trees line the sidewalk up ahead, creating a canopy against the brilliant sun. The walk to this mysterious ice cream place is shaded and chilly. Jimin slips his jacket off and slings it over your shoulders when he notices you rubbing at your arms.

"Almost there," he promises. In the distance, framed by two towering oaks, is a tiny little ice cream place. It looks like a mirage, something out of a board game or a fairy tale. The closer you get, the more real it becomes. The siding is faded, the roof looks like it's in dire need of repairs, and the hand-painted sign reading The Cheery Cherry has seen better days. It's clean though, sparkling in all the places that matter.

There is a stout old man behind the window with a shining silver ice cream scoop ready and waiting in his hand. Jimin greets him by name and asks for a simple vanilla cone. You're tempted to judge him, he doesn't strike you as the vanilla type, but there must be a reason. Maybe this is the best vanilla ice cream on earth. You order the same just in case, taking your first taste as Jimin pulls a few bills from his wallet and hands them over with a shaky hand.

To your dismay the ice cream is not extraordinary; it's just plain vanilla. You could probably get the same exact type from any grocery store. You should have gone with something else. You should have at least gotten the cheery cherry cone. That might have been a flavor worth tasting. Why was he so bent on coming here for such a bland ice cream?

You suppose you should be thankful for the gesture but you still feel uneasy, like he’s playing you somehow. It almost feels like he’s doing it out of obligation rather than desire. Is he doing the bare minimum because he doesn’t feel like you’re worth more than this? Your company must be the equivalent to a plain vanilla cone. Mediocre. Unremarkable. Ordinary.

Forgettable.

Jimin turns back to you with his ice cream in one hand and change filling the other. "Is it good?"

"It's vanilla." You shrug.

"Do you want something different?" he asks, counting the money in his hand.

"No, I like vanilla."

"Figures," he teases.

"What's that supposed to mean?" you snap back at him.

"Nothing, sweetheart. I just think you're soft, sweet. Vanilla suits you."

"I am not vanilla. I do all kinds of freaky shit," you argue, realizing too late that you've over shared in your annoyance.

Jimin looks you over with a smirk, bringing his ice cream to his lips and dragging his tongue around the edge of the cone where it's dripping. "Noted," he says.

"I didn't mean-- I wasn't -- UGH," you huff, embarrassed that he's still making a fool of you from the doghouse. You need to change the subject fast. "What'syourmajor?" You rush the question past your lips and he laughs at your flustered state, waiting for you to slow down and ask him in words he can understand.

"Your major?" you repeat, slower this time.

"Oh, uh. Urban studies."

"Interesting."

"You don't know what that means, huh?" He nudges you with his elbow, falling in stride beside you. Unfortunately, you had just brought your ice cream up to your mouth and his nudging caused you to smear it across your cheek.

You look at him angrily. First he stood you up, forgot about you, then he had the nerve to show up to class today looking like a fucking angel, takes you for ice cream to make it up to you, and now he's teasing you and making you look every bit the fool you feel like you are. Tears well in your eyes when he laughs at the mess he caused.

"I'm sorry," he says through his giggling. He reaches out to gently wipe your cheek with his thumb which he promptly pops in his mouth and sucks clean after. "What's wrong?"

You swipe at your eyes, ridding them of the tears that were about to spill out as your shame bubbles over. "You make me feel stupid," you confess. "You're wasting my time."

Shoving his jacket back at him, you take off in the direction you came, throwing your stupid vanilla cone in the closest trash can and kicking yourself for not leaving with Taehyung instead. Jimin winces at the action, looking like you’ve discarded a precious keepsake rather than a plain, boring vanilla cone.

"Y/n, wait!" he calls, catching up to you with ease. He takes you by the wrist and spins you back to face him. "I don't think you're stupid at all. I’m sorry I’m so bad at this.” He sighs, softening his hold on you. “I didn’t know what to think about you when you approached me at first, you know? Girls throw themselves at me all the time.”

You grimace at his words and roll your eyes, snatching your wrist back with a scowl. Of course he thinks you were throwing yourself at him, but you’re sure that you weren’t. You were just being direct about your feelings. Do you really come across as such a desperate person? Maybe you should ask Yoongi for his opinion later.

“But I definitely didn’t mean to stand you up and I don’t mean to make you feel stupid at all. I think you're pretty smart, you’re cute and you’re actually bolder than I initially thought. I'd love to get to know you better. I know I'm not doing so great so far, but I can be better. Please, sit with me?" he asks, walking to a nearby park bench.

Reluctantly, you follow, although you make a point to drag your feet the whole way there. When you sit down beside him, he loops an arm around your waist and draws you closer, offering his ice cream up to you once your legs brush against his. You reach for it but he pulls it away.

"Hey," he jokes. "Just lick it. I didn't make you throw yours away."

You shake your head and lean forward to drag your tongue over what's left of his vanilla cone.

"Forgive me?" he asks. His toothy smile catches the sunlight and it genuinely hurts your eyes to keep looking.

"Okay. One more chance," you agree. "So, urban studies?"

He relaxes back against the bench, taking another lick before he offers the cone to you again. "Yeah, it's like community development and stuff. What about you, princess? What are you studying?"

You flush at the nickname, heat rising in your face and other places you'd rather not acknowledge. You're oblivious to the fact that you're having a similar effect on Jimin. The way you're licking his ice cream is making his pants feel a little tight.

"Teaching," you tell him, picking at the peeling paint on the bench.

"Little kids?"

"Yeah." You take another lick of his ice cream while he holds it, looking up halfway through.

Jimin's expression is unreadable, stunned almost. He shifts a little, crosses his legs, clears his throat.

"Kids are fun. I have a younger brother," he tells you.

"A lot younger?"

"No," he laughs. "But he's a total baby so it's basically the same.”

“Oh, does he get that from you?” you tease with a giggle.

His mouth drops open in surprise. “Hey,” he pouts. “That’s not nice.”

“I never said I was nice,” you tell him, taking another slow lick of his ice cream.

“Clearly,” he scoffs with a roll of his eyes. He drags his lip through his teeth to try to hide the smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

You manage to cram so much conversation into the next twenty minutes on this park bench, learning more about the mysterious campus celebrity than you ever thought you’d know. You hope his interest wasn't feigned, because it felt so fucking good to have his attention, to have him really listen to you and ask you about your life and your family and your hopes for the future. If you're not mistaken, you might think this was real progress.

Jimin watches you walk back toward campus with a soft smile and an unfamiliar feeling brewing inside him. You've surprised him. You're not the naive infatuated little girl he took you for. If he had a phone he'd be texting you already. He'd call you tonight, and maybe tomorrow. It's alarming to him how badly he wants another ten minutes with you. He hates that you declined his offer to walk you to your next class, but damn does he ever appreciate the view.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

Thursday comes quickly. After your initial ice cream date, Jimin has found himself curiously seeking your attention rather than the other way around. With his phone out of commission he was hanging around the cafeteria all day yesterday in hopes of catching you. While it’s clear you don’t trust him and you haven’t forgiven him, you seem to have softened up a bit. You spent your meals together and allowed him to walk you to your classes, all while exchanging playful jabs at each other. You might forgive him for bailing if yesterday stood alone. Today is a whole different story.

Now Jimin is staring down a stack of graded exams the professor has dropped on the table at the front of the room. Students haven’t begun to trickle in yet so when the professor takes the opportunity to excuse himself, Jimin wastes no time in flipping through the pile to get a sense of the overall success of the class. When he gets to a test marked in thick red marker with an ‘F’ his stomach drops. He knows it’s yours before he even reads the name. He was hoping maybe you’d been lying about not paying attention.

He shuffles the exam back into place and straightens the pile just as the earliest student walks in. Jimin offers her a wan smile and a tiny bow of his head as a greeting. Although his stomach is still sinking and churning, he’s already thinking about ways he might be able to make it up to you.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

Jimin finds you in the cafeteria with Taehyung again, where he has you distracted from your misery by folding and unfolding a cootie catcher in front of your face like you're in third grade and not your third year of college.

"Pick a color now, y/n," Tae urges, opening and closing the folded paper four times after you've indicated the triangle marked 'pink.' "Hmm," he ponders. "It says you need to relax."

"What is this, a fortune cookie? I thought these things were like truth or dare, or like... who I was gonna marry," you complain, flicking the craft from his hands.

Jimin picks the paper up off the floor and hands it back to Taehyung. "Do me," he says.

After a moment of pointing and folding, Tae announces, "It says you need to apologize. Again."

Jimin looks at you while Tae packs up his stuff. After dropping a kiss on the top of your head he leaves for his next class. The action makes Jimin furrow his brows and frown. A feeling too uncomfortably close to jealousy blooms in his chest. Why did that bother him so much? He's not ready to acknowledge the answer to that. Instead, he contradicts it by reminding himself that Tae is one of his closest friends and it's cool that the two of you are getting close too.

"Princess?" Jimin's song-like voice drifts to your ears once Tae has disappeared. You've pressed your face into your folded arms on the table and it's taking everything you have not to start crying about your failed exam again. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, laying his hand against the small of your back and beginning to rub soft circles there. "I'm sorry I didn't help you."

"I wish you were ugly," you mumble into your arms.

"What?" he laughs, leaning his face down next to yours.

You lift your head to meet his eyes. "If you were ugly this never would have happened," you insist, sitting up and shaking his hand off your back with a twist of your spine. "Just be ugly! FUCK."

Jimin smiles before screwing his face up into the most unrecognizable grimace he can manage. He holds it until you start to smile then switches to another terrible expression, with his chin tucked into his neck so that it morphs into several chins and crosses his eyes for extra emphasis on its ridiculousness. When you start to laugh he sticks out his tongue to make it worse.

Once you’re clutching your stomach and doubled over with pealing laughter, he gives you the beautiful smile you're so used to again. "Let's do something fun together," he offers. "And then after that, we'll get studying and make this right. Please let me make it up to you."

"Okay," you agree, leaning into his open arms. It only took a couple days of spending time together to remove the awkwardness you felt when he touched you. He's even held your hand a few times while you walked together after your other classes. Now, his embrace feels welcome and comforting. You still can’t tell if he’s just trying to be nice or if he actually likes doing it but you don’t mind at all.

"There's a party on Saturday, will you come with me?"

"Where?" you ask, as if you have any hope of refusing him at all. You'd go anywhere with him and you know it but you want to try to play it cool. Your tone seems more tepid than you anticipate but he doesn’t seem to call you out on it.

"Jin's," he tells you, reaching for your hand and lacing your fingers together.

He rubs his thumb against the back of your hand while he waits for you to pretend to decide. You relish in the motion. The tingle of butterflies erupt in your belly again like a cannon aimed at your heart, ready to sink it in an instant. Instead of falling, your heart seems to fly up to your brain and a light giggle escapes your lips.

"Okay. I'll come," you say in a euphoric brain fog, looking down at your joined hands. It's scary how good it feels to have his attention like this, but you hope it doesn’t stop.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

"Why are you home?" Yoongi asks, finding you on the couch when he emerges from his bedroom. His late afternoon nap went longer than expected, leaving you believing he was out for the night. You settled in with Netflix and snacks of your own. He flops down next to you, causing you to swing your feet off the couch before they get squashed beneath his butt. He yawns and lets his head dip forward as he pulls out his phone and begins flipping through it.

"It's Friday night,” he reminds you, his tone scratchy. It makes you giggle.

"I didn't wanna go out alone and I thought you were gone. You're gonna be up all night now, you know."

"I would have stayed asleep but I've got a friend in need," he mumbles, rubbing the remainder of sleep from his eyes.

"Aww, you're so good to me." You beam, snuggling up to him and wrapping him up in a tight hug.

"Not you," he huffs with a disgusted grimace. “Ugh, that’s enough touching.”

You immediately pull back and scoff. “Wow. You’re lucky I know you know you love me.”

He rolls his eyes. "That’s debatable.”

“Yeah, okay,” you mock him in a tone of disbelief. You pop a chip into your mouth. “So why are you really up— if not to support your wonderful, beautiful, perfectly sculpted local couch potato?”

He smiles and steals the next chip from your hand before you can shove it into your mouth. “If you're good with it, my friend is gonna crash on our couch for a few days. His parents cut him off and he’s got nowhere to go. He’s almost got enough saved up to get his own place, but he could use some help in the meantime. Figured we’re doing alright and we have a couch. You cool with that?"

"Sure," you agree, trusting Yoongi's judgment. He's not gonna let some crazy person stay on your couch. "When?"

"I was just waiting for your approval but I hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to you before I passed out. I'll go pick him up now, if that's good with you," he says slipping his feet into a pair of sandals and looking for his keys.

"What, he doesn't have a car?"

"Sold it to pay for his books this semester. He's got nothing. He's keeping all his clothes in another friend's closet. It's kinda sad."

"That's rough," you agree, blowing out a heavy exhale and turning your attention back to the TV.

"I'll be back in a few. Maybe take it to your room so he can have the couch?" Yoongi suggests.

"Sure, sure," you say, already sucked back into your show and forgetting entirely about Yoongi and his friend for now.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

When Yoongi returns an hour later, you haven't moved. In fact, you’ve crashed… hard. Yoongi and his mystery guest enter to a chorus of your snores and the Friends theme song.

“Hey, get up,” Yoongi urges, nudging your shoulder lightly.

When you peel your eyes open to look at him, you’re utterly mystified to see the object of your affections a few feet behind him, standing awkwardly in your kitchen with a duffle slung over his shoulder.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you blink a few times to clear your vision. You want to be sure it's him before you open your mouth. He's there, in black sweats with a grey hoodie pulled up over his white baseball cap. “Jimin?”

“Oh good you know him," Yoongi says with relief coating his tone. "I’m gonna get him some blankets. Think you can take your Netflix marathon to your room?”

"Yeah, I can do that," you mumble, gathering up your mess and disappearing into your room without another word.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

Alone in your room, you conjure up a hundred reasons in your anxious mind that could explain why Jimin thought he had to keep this huge secret from you. He’s got nothing? Maybe he was afraid you'd tell people. Suddenly, it makes so much sense why he's always walking everywhere.

You think back to Tuesday at the Cheery Cherry. His usually steady hands were so shaky handing over those bills he pulled from his wallet. You think of how tightly he clutched his change and even counted it out afterward. If you hadn’t been so preoccupied with your own thoughts of inadequacy, you might have been able to put it together on your own. Your stomach drops when you recall the insulting way you threw your vanilla cone in the trash. The scene replays over and over again until you’re crying into your pillow.

Guilt keeps you awake until well past midnight as you turn these unsavory ideas over and over in your head, looking at them from every possible angle and over analyzing every detail of the time you've spent together thus far. Your eyes are now wide and dry, fixed on a black spot on your ceiling that you're hoping is just a speck and not a spider. The quilt in your hands is frayed, giving your nervous hands something to pick at while you let the silence drive you mad.

The soft knock on your door at half past one is a relief. Yoongi does his best cooking at odd hours, usually bringing you a plate if you're awake. It's a surprise to find Jimin outside your door instead. He awkwardly shifts from foot to foot until he finds your eyes in the dim glow of your table lamp.

"Did I wake you?" he whispers, head leaning against your door frame.

You shake your head, looking down at your skimpy sleep shorts and the university hoodie you pulled on to open the door. “I was up.”

“Can we talk?”

“Of course,” you answer, stepping aside so he can come in. Your eyes scan the room nervously, checking for underwear on the floor and counting the half empty glasses of water on your nightstand. If you knew Jimin was going to be in your bedroom tonight, you would have cleaned up. At least you didn’t leave your vibrator out in the open. You don’t think you’d recover from the embarrassment of that.

Jimin follows you to your bed, perching on the edge once you’ve settled back against your pillows.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t,” you respond immediately. “I’m happy you’re here.”

“Then why did you run away?” he asks, pulling at his hoodie strings.

“I wanted to give you space. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. You didn’t tell me what you were going through and I didn’t want to…” you trail off, unsure how to articulate just why you ran away.

“You didn’t want to embarrass me? Hurt my pride?” he asks, sarcasm evident.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “You don’t owe me an explanation. We aren’t that close.”

“That’s the problem,” he whispers. “I want to explain. I want to be that close to you.” He leans towards you, resting on his hands. He looks confident despite his current situation and it worries you a little. How can he be so sure of himself when he’s crashing on your couch and apologizing to you again for the fourth time in less than a week?

The Jimin you’ve gotten to know recently seems to disappear, leaving on the smooth talking playboy in his wake. He seems too calculated to be genuine. The words he whispers don’t seem like words meant for you. He is him, after all, and money or not he’s still the greatest catch on campus. And you, much to your dismay, are still just you. Unassuming, uninteresting, unexciting you. You’re the plain vanilla cone he’d never ask for if he had the means to get the banana split.

“Why?” you skeptically ask, pulling your knees up to your chest.

Jimin bites his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth while he thinks. “You’re special,” he says. “You’re cute and funny and I like spending time with you. You make me feel like I can be myself with you.”

“But you don’t trust me?” you ask, obviously referring to the elephant in the room. He didn’t tell you he was essentially homeless. How much of himself can he truly be if he was keeping that from you?

“I didn’t want to scare you away, and most girls I… see, don’t get close enough to find out,” he confesses. “I can’t afford to take anyone out right now. I haven’t been able to for a while. But I’m so close to getting enough for an apartment. That’s why I took the TA job; at the end of the semester I should be ready.”

“Jimin,” you start, unsure what to say. You’re still thinking about that goddamned three dollar ice cream cone you threw away.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he tells you, standing up. “I just wanted to be real with you, and thank you for agreeing to let me have the couch for a few days. I’ll let you sleep.”

“Wait!”

As you scramble over yourself to reach out, you find yourself on your knees awkwardly clutching your hand towards your chest. You’re still worried about seeming desperate but you can’t let that stop you now. Jimin turns toward you, but you’re unsure of what you wanted to say. You only know that you want to be closer to him too, that you’re not ready for him to go, that if he leaves now you’ll lie awake for the rest of the night reliving this short conversation.

“Stay,” you plead, nervously twirling the string of your hoodie around your fingers as you sit back against the pillows. “Talk to me?”

“Aren’t you tired?” he wonders.

You hold out your hand and he crosses the room to take it, standing next to your bed. You pat the space next to you and tug him toward it. “Wide awake.”

Your yawn says otherwise.

Jimin smiles, climbing over you to lay by your side on top of your blankets. He looks at you expectantly once he’s settled but it’s too much pressure for you to lead the conversation. You only know that you want to keep hearing his soothing voice. You have no idea what you wanted to say.

“You look cute,” he says, breaking the silence and touching your nose with the tip of his finger. “Sleepy and soft.”

“You look sexy,” you complain, waving his hand away. “I kinda wanna punch you for it.”

He throws his head back in laughter. “So feisty.”

“I can be boring instead,” you jokingly offer, rolling on your side to face him.

He does his best to keep his eyes trained on your face, despite the fact that all he wants to do is let them wander down. “I just want you to be you.”

That sounds fake. Again, you battle against the idea that this is all a farce, some sneaky way to get into your pants once and leave you wanting for the rest of your life. He hasn’t bared himself to you enough for you to trust him, so you pry.

“Why’d your parents cut you off, Jimin?” you ask.

He looks at you for a second, stunned at your boldness. That’s definitely not where he thought this conversation was going. He takes a moment to prepare his response and sighs.

“They have this restaurant. It’s a small place right off the coast: Jeongsik. My great grandparents started it from nothing and now my parents manage it. They want me to take over since I’m the eldest, but I want to move to the city and have my own life. I don’t want to work in their restaurant forever and my brother loves it and is perfectly capable. They love me. I know they’re just trying to teach me a lesson,” he tells you. He sounds unsure of that last bit. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that he’s got nowhere to live and he’s penny pinching for meals and they’re shunning him.

“And what is that lesson, Jimin?” you ask, trying to dig deeper before he slips back into playboy mode.

“That being a part of Jeongsik is my only option if I want to be successful. That I can’t make it without them.”

“Can you?” The question is quiet and unassuming. You only want to know how bad it really is.

He takes a deep breath and taps his fingers anxiously against the fabric of the pillow. “I can. It won’t be the same, it won’t be easy, but I can.”

After giving Jimin a moment to say more, which he doesn’t take, you push him further. With your heart on the line and this miracle of an opportunity with him in your room, you're determined to learn as much as you can. You need to get under his skin. You need to know him, so you can know if you should run.

"What's your plan then?" you question, shifting closer so you're face to face against the pillows.

Jimin smirks at your line of questioning. It seems to break him from his thoughts. “Well,” he begins. “The Village has some one bedrooms opening up at the end of the semester, and by then I’ll be ready to make a deposit and lease one. After that I’ve got one semester left until I graduate. Then I’ll move to the city and live my life how I want.”

“Won’t you miss your family?”

“They still talk to me. They’re just not paying for school. Or my car. Or my food.” His heavy sigh at the end contradicts the lightness with which he revealed all of this to you.

“I’m sorry, Jimin.” You reach for his hand, familiarity in the way it fits with yours.

“It’s okay. I have good friends, and I have…” he trails off, catching himself and looking away with an awkward huff of a laugh.

“What?” you wonder, heart fluttering at the possibility that he was about to say ‘you.’ “What else do you have?”

Jimin looks up at you, rising up on his elbow. His eyes search your face for any hint of rejection. When he finds only hope, his hand moves to cup your cheek. It’s warm, adorned with rings that contrast the temperature of his skin.

“You,” he breathes, moving closer. You watch his gaze dart down to your lips before your own eyelids flutter closed. “I was going to say you,” he confesses before he closes the space between you and lays a soft kiss against your waiting lips.

He pulls away way too fast, leaving you to panic in the aftermath. You thought you had feelings for him before, but now that he’s let you in, now that he has shown you his heart, there is nothing more to deny. You’ve fallen, hard. The realization makes you feel trapped, like a frantic dying bird in a cage. But your captor is kind and beautiful and the flavor he left on your lips is the most divine thing you’ve ever tasted.

“Then say it,” you prompt him, urging him to accept the affection you’ve been so desperate to give him.

He kisses you again in lieu of words, longer, deeper, until his tongue is dragging over yours. You fist the material of his hoodie in your hands, pulling him towards you while you turn on your back. He’s hesitant to get on top of you, afraid he might be taking it too far, but you’re insistent. You pull and he caves willingly, slotting a leg between yours and letting his hand drift from your cheek to the back of your neck.

“I like you,” he pants when he breaks away. It feels like your heart flies up out of your chest and does a lap around the room, flapping its hummingbird wings like the wild thing it is before it crashes back into its place.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” you plead. “You don’t have to pretend just because you’re here now. I’m a big girl. We can just have tonight.”

You say the words but you know if he leaves tomorrow, you’ll cry all day and probably the day after that too. The truth is, you can talk all you want about how you can do this no strings attached, but you know you can’t. Your strings are so attached to him at this point you might as well be metaphorical shibari.

“I mean it,” he whispers, full, wet lips brushing the side of your neck.

You freeze. You were expecting him to drop the charade and just fuck you or something, but in this moment he exudes tenderness and consideration.

“And because I like you, I think I should go back to the couch before we do something we aren’t ready to do.”

“Stay,” you plead. “We don’t have to do anything, just lay with me.”

He slowly nods and reaches over you to turn off the lamp, planting a soft kiss on your cheek as he settles back into place. You wiggle your form down into the covers and he smoothes the hair from your face before tracing his fingers down your arm. You lean in close enough to smell the subtle clean scent of his cologne. Is it cologne? You doubt it knowing what you know now, unless he’s borrowing it from someone else. You still find yourself enjoying it nonetheless. It’s comforting. Sleep begins to claim you just as he slips his fingers into yours and gives you a tiny squeeze.

“Goodnight y/n.”

You think you respond but you’re in that purgatory state between sleeping and being awake, so you can’t be sure. At least you’re eighty percent sure you gave him a squeeze in return.

That’s how Yoongi finds you in the morning: you tucked neatly into your comforter and Jimin laying on top of it beside you, your hands clasped together in the middle.

“UM!” Yoongi shouts from the doorway, loud enough to wake you both.

Startled, you sit up in bed and look around for the source of the shout. “Fuck! Yoon. You didn’t need to scream.”

“I hope you’re not expecting me to keep this from Taehyung,” Yoongi chides, looking from you to Jimin and back. “That would be quite the moral conundrum.”

“For fuck’s sake. It was never Tae. I am not seeing Tae. We are JUST FRIENDS!” You yell the last two words and chuck your pillow at him for emphasis.

“Okay cool, then Jimin can explain to him whatever this is to him. Jimin, he wants you to call him. My phone’s on the table. I’m taking a shower.”

Yoongi disappears from the doorway and an uncomfortable silence settles over the room. In the light of day, you feel nervous and uncertain. Jimin does nothing to ease your anxiety. He just lays there quietly, unsure what to say.

“Do you want breakfast?” You try to smile and sound as chipper as possible.

He sits up finally and turns his back to you. “I should go see Taehyung.”

He moves toward the door and you feel your chest tighten. “Jimin?”

He turns to you from the hallway, and taking in your confused expression, offers you a smile. “We’re good, princess. I’ll be back tonight, then me and you: party time.” He winks before moving out of sight.

Alone once again, you start to question things. Everything. Are you imagining things or did Jimin seem cold when he left? He kissed you last night, didn’t he? Was everything you talked about too much? Does he regret kissing you? Does he regret staying the night with you without getting anything out of it? You can feel your thoughts spiraling out of control, but you can’t stop yourself from putting up the walls you so desperately wanted to keep down forever last night. It obviously didn’t mean anything to him, despite his claim that he likes you. He probably just meant that he’d like to fool around with you. Like he does with everyone else. You can’t let one night beside him make you think you’re special to him, no matter how badly you want to be.

Knowing you won’t make it through the day without driving yourself completely mad with questions and doubts, you dig your old phone and charger out of a drawer and go after Jimin. He’s leaning over the kitchen counter staring down at Yoongi’s phone when you steal his attention.

“Please take this,” you plead, thrusting the phone and charger towards him.

He looks from the device to you and blinks a few times in surprise. “What?”

“It’s a little old, but if your sim card didn’t get damaged I’m sure it will work in this. I kept putting off bringing it to be recycled.” You laugh nervously as you try to place it in his hand. “But now I’m glad I didn’t. Take it.”

“I can’t accept this, princess. It’s too much,” Jimin says, staring down at the object in your hands.

“Take it for me. If I have to go another day without being able to send you memes I’ll die.”

“Memes?” he repeats, sounding baffled.

“Memes, nudes, the weather forecast. Who cares? I wanna text you. Please take it.”

He licks his lips and smirks at your joke. Was it a joke? It’s hard to tell. He accepts it anyway. “Thank you. I’ll call you later?”

“You’d better,” you tease, offering the grandest smile you can manage before retreating with a slow saunter back to your room.

There’s that view again. He could watch your ass sway in those teeny shorts all day. It takes every last ounce of self control he possesses to pick up Yoongi’s phone and dial Tae rather than sprint back into your room and pin you to the bed. It doesn’t stop him from daydreaming about it though, even as his friend answers.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

“What are we doing?” Jimin stands in the sprawling living room of Taehyung and Jungkook’s shared apartment. Both are from wealthy families that are all too ready to give their sons everything that matches the silver spoons in their mouths. They’ve been blessed with a bachelor pad that looks more like a college movie set than anything normal one would find around campus.

“Pick up a controller,” Tae tells Jimin, completely absorbed in the race on their oversized flat screen TV.

Jungkook hasn’t even acknowledged Jimin’s presence yet. Focused doesn’t even begin to describe the way his eyes bore into the television. He doesn’t break from his trance until he wins. Only then does he sit back with a smug grin, dropping the controller in his lap and just barely resisting the urge to gloat.

Taehyung drops his controller too, turning to give Jungkook a congratulatory fist bump. “Take his place,” he says to Jimin.

Jungkook has already vacated his place on the hallowed futon and moved to the row of cup noodles sitting on the counter. The first cup is half empty before Jimin even sits down.

“I suck at these games, Tae,” Jimin grumbles.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to be good. It’s a ploy to get you relaxed enough to talk about y/n.” Taehyung smiles, knowing Jimin can’t refuse now that he’s cornered.

“What about her?” He feigns nonchalance, as if he didn’t just spend last night catching feelings along with your lips between his own.

Taehyung scoffs, half bewildered, half disgusted. “Come on, Jimin. She’s amazing. You like her.”

“I barely know her,” Jimin replies. It’s a lie he can taste like copper on his tongue. He knows your favorite food, where you grew up, what you study, and he’s already programmed your birthday into his borrowed phone so he won’t forget.

Taehyung clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes. “Okay then. If you don’t give a fuck, I’m gonna shoot my shot. She’s funny, and nice, and her pussy is so bomb it makes me wanna get married, so if you’re not gonna do something about that then I will.”

Jungkook cackles from the kitchen. “Did you fuck Jimin’s girl?”

“She’s not my girl,” Jimin grumbles, staring daggers at Jungkook, just as Taehyung says that he did not.

Jungkook takes his armload of cup noodles into his bedroom.

“I know you like her,” Tae prods. “She’s not some materialistic bitch who’s gonna leave you if you can’t afford lavish dates every other day. She’s a good, genuine person. She just wants your time and your attention. Maybe your heart. She doesn’t care about the other stuff.”

“Yeah? So I can bring her back to this futon after I buy her dinner from the dollar menu?” Jimin’s nose starts to tingle, months worth of frustrations finally reaching a breaking point. “I can’t get in a relationship right now and you know she’s not a fuckbuddy kind of girl.

“Right, because I didn’t eat her out in my car for fun last week.” He’d date you in a heartbeat if you wanted him. But he knows it’s Jimin you want and he’s more than happy to push the two of you together to see you both happy. He values friendship above all things.

“If that’s all you want from her, fine. But I think you and I both know it’s not and she’s too good for you to string along. If you’re just gonna break her heart, do it now before she falls any harder for you.”

“Why, so you can swoop in and be the good guy again? So you can get her off in your backseat?” The words are venom dripping from his mouth.

“Bro.”

Jimin softens. Tae is his dearest friend. He knows he only has his best interests at heart.

“I’m sorry.” He pauses and sighs. “We talked about Jeongsik last night. She knows my parents cut me off.”

Taehyung grimaces. “How’d that go?”

“Now she knows I’m not good enough but it didn’t seem to deter her at all.”

“‘Cause you are good enough and now she can see your true worth as a person, which is a thousand times better than the fake worth of money.”

Jimin seems to consider this for a moment but then expresses the concern gnawing at his insides. “What if she really is just another person who wants to idolize me? I’m really into her, but I need it to be more than that.”

“Jimin—”

“What if she’s after the meaningless title of being Park Jimin’s girl... like every other girl that has pursued me lately?” The words make him cringe. He’s humble and kind, not one to throw bouquets at himself, but those thoughts are intrusive and hard to ignore.

“Tch. Do you know her at all? Do you really think that matters to her?”

“No,” Jimin sighs. “But what if?”

“She admires you. You like her. Stop making it so complicated and let go of those ifs. You’ll never know if you don’t try and I want to see you try because you deserve to be happy,” Tae insists, starting a new game. “Now pick up that controller. I wanna kick your ass.”

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

You’ve spent the better part of your Saturday afternoon picking out your outfit for tonight. Yoongi only teased you twice before helping you select something a little bit more slutty than you’d normally pull out for a date. You’re going to a party after all, not some Sunday brunch with your friends.

When it’s almost time for you to meet up with Jimin you find yourself growing increasingly nervous. You run your hand over your thigh and down your calf, testing for any stubble you might have missed in your meticulous hour-long shaving session. On your way back up you tug on your skirt, eyeing it as though your gaze can simply increase its length. When was the last time you wore this dress?

You adjust and fuss over the way your tits fit inside the garment and puff air out of your cheeks. Yoongi squints at you from across the room. Your door is wide open after all.

“Stop worrying so much.” He sighs and clicks his tongue, crossing the room until he can see you in perfect clarity. “You look great.”

“I feel stupid. I should change. Jimin’s gonna think I’m weird if I wear this.” You try to turn and run back to your closet.

Yoongi plants his hands on your shoulders and spins you back to face the full-length mirror hanging over your door. “Look at yourself. Jimin’s gonna think you’re the hottest one at the party. Look at that makeup game.” He gestures to your face. “Wooo! So strong! Wow!”

Your lips twitch into a smile. Yoongi can be so sweet when he’s not busy pretending like he isn’t the softest man on earth.

“What if he doesn’t actually want me?” you ask, strings of doubt still plucking at your insecurity.

“He does,” he says with all the comfort you need in this moment. “I can tell with these kinds of things, you know.”

“That your like, weird sage sense you’re always telling me about? Reading the horoscopes doesn’t make you a fortune teller.”

He laughs. “Don’t be jealous of my power. Have I been wrong before?”

He hasn’t been, at least not with the advice he’s given you.

You exhale a huge breath and cock your head to inspect your appearance one more time. “What if you’re wrong?”

He hums a soft sound before planting a soft kiss to the top of your head. “Then he’s an idiot.”

A knock saves him from the overbearing hug you’re about to give him. He practically sprints towards the door. “That must be him! Pull your skirt up a little, would you? You’re not a nun and it’s gonna ride up anyway.” He pauses with his hand on the deadbolt and drops his tone to a rather loud, strained whisper. “Wait. What underwear are you wearing?”

Your eyes widen and your brows furrow as you angrily march over to your strappy heels and begin to put them on. “Why does it matter?” you whisper back.

“Are they the beige ones?”

“No!” Your hushed tone threatens to break into a shriek. “You know those are my period panties.”

“Please tell me they’re not the green ones.”

“Yoongi!” You get frustrated and lift your skirt just enough to show off a bit of the black lace adorning your buttcheeks as you lift your foot onto the nearby stool to finish setting the strap in place. “Satisfied?”

He breathes a sigh of relief and nods. “Good. Those are good.”

He opens the door faster than you can register the action. Jimin catches the flash of lace and more skin than he’s meant to see as you swing your leg down off the stool and adjust your dress. Heat flushes your face as you meet Jimin’s gaze. His eyes are wide and he licks his lips before nervously clearing his throat. He nonchalantly drops his hands and holds them together in front of his pelvis.

“You-You look good,” he stammers, completely stunned by your appearance.

“Thanks,” you reply with a shy smile. Park Jimin gets flustered? Who’d have thought?

He thought you were beautiful before but he’s never seen you like this. You’re completely decked out and drop dead gorgeous. He’s almost worried he’ll feel inadequate standing next to you tonight but it doesn’t stop him from wanting you by his side, hanging on his arm. He wants everyone to know that he’s there with you.

The pair of you stand there looking at one another and Yoongi slowly turns from Jimin to you, then back to Jimin.

“Have everything?” Yoongi prods, trying to get you to move so he can get on with his evening of relaxation and lazing about.

That seems to break you from your stupor and you nod and walk forward to hook your arm around Jimin’s. Before you get too far Yoongi calls to you and tests your reflexes by tossing your keys. You’ll need those if Yoongi is dead to the world asleep by the time you get home, which is quite possible. You’re not the most dextrous person but Jimin catches them and smiles at you. When you try to take them from his fingertip he moves his hand away and you swipe at the air. He offers to keep them in his pocket and you gratefully oblige. You pull your phone from its confines against your breast and check on the status of your uber with one hand while slipping your other into Jimin’s.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

Jin’s party is already in full swing by the time you arrive. It looks like something out of a movie. There are glowsticks, red solo cups, a buffet table of snacks, and loud music by the large inground pool. People inside and outside of this big ass frat house are grinding up on each other, dancing, and spilling their drinks on one another. It’s a little overwhelming honestly. You’ve never been much of a party person and this is a monster-sized one.

Jimin takes your hand in his and gives you a reassuring smile. “You want a drink, princess?”

“Yeah.” You grin and breathe a sigh of relief, feeling your insides melt at the sound of his voice. You know whatever happens tonight you’ll be okay with him by your side.

Jimin keeps you close all night, drinking and dancing and stealing the occasional quick kiss. It's pretty clear to everyone who's paying attention that there's something going on between you. You came with Jimin, you're there with Jimin, you're leaving with Jimin. Either Jungkook wasn't paying attention, or he just plain doesn't care. The moment Jimin leaves you alone to run to the bathroom, Jungkook steps up behind you in the chair you’re sitting on.

"Hey, y/n!" He smiles, all teeth and sleepy eyes. You can smell the whiskey on his breath when you turn to face him. "You look so pretty tonight."

"Thanks, Kook." You know he's one of Jimin and Tae’s closest friends. If you just hang with him until Jimin gets back, you'll be able to avoid the advances of all the weird guys here you aren't familiar with. "I like your boots," you tell him, looking down.

He follows your gaze to his feet. "Me too, I hope no one barfs on them tonight," he laughs, lifting his face back up to yours. The words are slightly slurred but you’re still able to decipher them.

His eyes definitely linger on your cleavage on their way back up. By the looks of it, he's on the short list of people who might end up barfing on those shoes. He holds his liquor well, but if you had to guess you'd say he's had more than he should have at this point in the night.

"So, I was talking to Taehyung recently," he starts with a mischievous glint in his eyes. The rest of his sentence seems to get lost in translation on the way to his mouth.

"And?" You smile at him and realize he’s probably too drunk to have anything of worth to say but you wait anyway.

"He told me something." Jungkook smiles so big his nose crinkles and he giggles like it’s the biggest secret in the universe.

You puzzle for a moment over what could have him so giddy before remembering that Taehyung is intimately familiar with your o-face. You'd gotten so close with him over the last two weeks that the details of your first time hanging out had completely slipped your mind. Jungkook is definitely about to say something crass.

"What did he tell you?" you ask, fearing you already know the answer.

Jungkook leans in closer so he can whisper in your ear. An amused giggle spills from his lips like he can’t contain the punchline to a joke only he knows. Somehow he gets his tone under control and finally speaks. "He told me your pussy tastes like heaven and what a coincidence," he pauses, "I haven't had dessert."

Jimin finds his way back to you just as you've moved to elbow Jungkook off your chair. Unfortunately, the alcohol in your system has your brain a little fuzzy and you misjudge the distance and location. You end up elbowing Jungkook right in the dick. Hard.

A circle clears around you as Jungkook doubles over in pain. Jimin steps up next to you, looking down at his friend and trying to piece together what might have led to you inflicting bodily harm.

Jungkook goes from bending over, to squatting, to laying on his side on the floor. He rolls onto his back still clutching the jewels despite the audience of people who have stopped to observe.

“I’m gonna throw up,” he squeaks out.

“Watch the boots,” you remind him as Jimin leans down to help him up and leads him towards something he can barf in. Through the crowd of people, you can see him just barely make it to a trash can in the kitchen. Gross.

Jimin gives Jungkook a pat on the back as he retches and reaches over him to grab a handful of jello shots off the counter. He returns with the rainbow of little cups clutched in each hand. The crowd seems to go back to their business of dancing and talking amongst one another, the random altercation just a fleeting moment in the night.

"What'd he do?" Jimin asks, holding his hand out to you so that you can make your selection.

"He came on to me." You shrug, picking a blue cup and popping the lid off.

"That's it? You elbowed him in the balls for hitting on you?" Jimin raises his eyebrows in shock and laughs.

"Well, it was kind of an accident. But," you pause to bring the plastic shot glass up to your lips, "he insinuated that he wanted to go down on me." You dip your tongue into the Jello and swirl it around the perimeter of its plastic casing.

Jimin watches you gather all the Jello up onto your tongue with rapt attention. He's growing so hard watching your tongue work like that. It’s driving him insane. He wants to feel it on him instead. He’s also now acutely aware of how badly he wants to swirl his tongue around your cunt, just like that.

"That makes two of us," he confesses with an enamored sigh. His hands are still full of Jello shots but that doesn’t stop him from holding your face between them.

He fiercely smashes his mouth to yours and you cave to the welcome intrusion of his tongue. It presses against yours, curling around it as he sucks the blue raspberry flavor from your mouth. You drop the empty cup to the floor and reach for his belt instead, pulling him against you until you can feel him pressed up against your stomach, hard and needy. He grinds his pelvis against you to be sure you can feel him.

“You feel that baby?” he asks, his tone low and sultry.

You grind back with a muffled hum. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you’re practically dry-humping each other next to the crowd of other sweaty, writhing couples. While Jimin likes how this feels, he’d like to regain the use of his hands. Jello shots be damned.

He pulls away for a second and looks around, depositing all but one of the unopened cups into the hands of the next person that walks by before he squeezes the chosen red one out on his tongue. He leans back in and presses his mouth to yours again. You can still taste artificial strawberry on his tongue. You're not even sure he swallowed before you started trying to lick his tonsils but you don't care. You want him now. You need him.

His thoughts are much the same as his free hand wanders down your back, dipping lower for just a second to feel the curve of your ass and squeeze. When you gasp he takes a step back and looks at you through hazy lust-drunk eyes. His lips are red from the gelatinous treat. You’d love to try and suck the color right out of them.

"Princess," he pants, his hands grabbing at your hips.

"Jimin," you breathe back, pulling him closer again. "Come home with me." It's not really an invitation. He'd be coming back with you anyway since he's currently living on your couch, but this has a different meaning and you both know it. It’s a plea for him to take you to bed.

You make out on the front lawn while you wait for the uber. You make out in the back of the uber on your way home. You make out on the way up the stairs and you leave a heart shaped love bite on his neck while he uses your keys to open the door. You make out pressed against the kitchen counter, and in the hallway.

Yoongi watches the pair of you act like he’s invisible as you stumble your way around the apartment. He has a spoonful of Fruit Loops half-lifted to his gaping mouth and finally takes his bite when you’ve made it to your room. Thank god you closed the door.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

Jimin isn't as shy this time about laying his weight over you once you’ve dropped down onto your bed. You’re warm and he seeks the heat of your body as your hands explore the taught muscles of his chest. They dance around his belt, slipping up over the curve of his perfectly round ass so you can squeeze and pull him against you, inviting him to grind his solid cock into you. Your movements get slower and more focused when you unbutton his shirt. He tugs it off his shoulders and throws it to the floor before helping you pull that tiny excuse of a dress over your head.

You're thanking your lucky stars you had the foresight to put on a matching set, despite how foolishly hopeful it felt at the time. The way Jimin is drinking you in wrapped in nothing but a little bit of black lace is making your head spin, or maybe that's the alcohol.

He sits back on his heels beside you, trailing his fingertips from your throat to the valley between your breasts. He skims over your belly button then side sweeps over your hip and down your thigh, leaving goosebumps in the wake of his touch.

"Wanna take those heels off, princess?" he asks, scooting toward them on his knees.

"I can do it," you insist, planning on making a show of dropping what's left of your modesty. You aren't counting on the way the room turns when you stand up too fast. Luckily, Jimin's reflexes are quick and his hands on your hips steady you before you can actually fall. Standing up is also doing something terrible to your stomach. It rolls and clenches and your anxiety skyrockets.

Parties aren't really your thing, and while Jimin might be drunk he is damn good at controlling it. On the contrary, it's becoming increasingly apparent that you are completely hammered.

"You okay?" Jimin asks, concern dripping from his tone. He stands up and turns you both so you can sit on the edge of your bed.

"I think... I'm drunk," you confess, unable to explain why you suddenly feel like crying.

"I think you're right, baby," he agrees, squatting down to unbuckle the ankle straps on your heels. "Let's get you some water."

Your stomach flips again and time slows as you feel the contents of the evening rise in the back of your throat. Panicking, you look to Jimin with wide eyes and a hand flying up to your mouth. He spins around looking for anything to catch what's surely coming and upends your little trash can. Candy wrappers and old class notes fall to the floor. He thrusts the can under your face just as a rainbow of Jello shots and reappears.

"I'm so sorry," you cry between heaves, tears streaking your make-up down your face.

"Shhh," Jimin soothes, gathering your hair away from your face. When he's sure you've finished, he disappears from the bedroom with the offending trash can and you're left with your horrible, alcohol twisted thoughts.

He's going to think you're pathetic and disgusting. Why on earth did you think you could drink that much?

Jimin returns with a glass of water before you can get much further into your self-deprecation.

"You're never gonna fuck me now," you blabber, your filter lost. Your thoughts are a jumble of sadness and muddled lust.

Jimin laughs. "Well, I'm definitely not gonna fuck you like this. I didn't realize you were this drunk," he softly says. It's a caring statement, not even a little bit condescending.

You should be grateful that he wants you sober for sex, but it only makes you cry harder because you really just want him so badly and you're absolutely certain you've ruined your chances beyond repair. So, you do the only thing that makes sense right now and cry harder.

Jimin wraps his arms around you and leans close to your ear. "I want to, you know. I want to lay you down and touch you all over." He presses a soft kiss to the side of your neck. "I want to taste you, feel you. I want to be inside you so badly, but not like this."

"Please," you whine.

"Sober up first, okay?" he coaxes. "Can I help you get some pajamas? Brush your teeth?"

"Okay," you sniffle.

Jimin smooths his hand up your back, tracing the black lace band of your bra with the tip of his finger. “Do you want to take this off?”

You nod, reaching behind you to unfasten the clasp while Jimin reaches down to the floor for the button down shirt he discarded. He averts his eyes while you shed your bra, then holds his shirt open for you. You slip into it but don’t bother to button it up before walking to your door. He helps you get to the bathroom but you insist on doing it yourself so you can clean up and assess just how fucked up you really look right now.

When you close the door behind you, he makes sure to quietly apologize to Yoongi, who is still scrubbing the trash bin Jimin brought out earlier. Yoongi reaches into the cabinet for the bottle of Advil and gestures to a glass of water already on the counter.

Jimin waits for you to open the door and when you finally do he's relieved that you haven't fallen asleep. You've washed the makeup from your tear-streaked face and brushed your teeth. You've even pulled your hair back so it's no longer in the way. You look at him through a hazy apologetic lens as he offers you Advil and water. The last thing you want to do is ingest anything but if it will help you in the morning, you'll try it for his sake.

The journey from the bathroom back into your room is a blur. All you can think about is crawling back into bed and sleeping this awful feeling away. You struggle with the covers for a moment until Jimin helps you slide underneath them.

"I'm sorry. Don't hate me," you plead in a weak voice.

"Why are you sorry? I don't hate you," he assures you, sitting on the edge of the bed.

He's shirtless. He could have been naked pounding your pussy stupid if you didn't overdo it on the drinks. You hate yourself a little bit for botching this chance, but if he could just put his arms around you again maybe you’d feel okay, like you didn’t blow it.

"Will you hold me?" you ask.

“Of course,” he replies softly.

The light in the room disappears and the mattress sinks behind you. His arms wrap themselves around your waist and his fingers twine with yours.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers when you squeeze his hand.

The heat of his breath brushes against your neck but you don’t close your eyes. You’re too dizzy. Instead you focus on the soothing rhythm of his breathing until the weight of your eyelids wins out against the nausea and sleep finally claims you.

『•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••✎•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••』

Your ringtone wakes you late, when the sun in your room is far too bright to be any time before ten. The sound is grating and irritating and you pull your pillow over your head to block it out. Jimin reaches for the phone, you can feel his weight shift and the heat of his skin when he hovers over you.

"Hello?" His voice is gruff and coarse with sleep.

Peeking out from beneath the pillow, you look over to him. His eyes are still closed and your phone is laying on his bare chest, speaker on and screen lit up.

"Gimme your bae," Jungkook's voice calls through the phone.

"She's sleeping," Jimin tells him. Looking in your direction, he meets your eyes and smiles.

You vaguely remember him making you drink more water last night, giving you Advil, and tucking you in. It's a very pleasant surprise to find that you aren’t horribly hungover.

"Wake her up," Jungkook whines. "Bro. She hit me so hard."

Jimin laughs. "You deserved it."

"I know," Jungkook agrees. "That's why I'm calling. Can I talk to her please?"

"You're on speaker."

"Hi, y/n. I got your number from Tae."

"Hi Kook," you croak.

"I'm sorry I was a douche last night. I get stupid when I drink whiskey."

"I accept your apology. Don’t do it again. How's your dick?" you ask, scooting closer to Jimin and laying your cheek on his chest. He wraps his arm around you and kisses the top of your head. The gesture makes you feel warm all over. He likes you.

"It hurts but I'll live. Sorry. For real. Do you guys wanna go eat later?" he asks you both.

Jimin answers this time. "Maybe. We have stuff to do first. I'll text you." He hangs up before Jungkook can say more.

“What stuff are we doing, hmm?” you question with a giggle, trying to play coy.

“Depends how you’re feeling, princess,” Jimin replies, leaning over you again to deposit your phone on your nightstand. He lingers above you, prompting the cautious exploration of your fingers on his chest.

Suddenly, you are acutely aware of the awful taste in your mouth. In fact, you feel gross all over. Not exactly the way you want to experience sex with Jimin for the first time.

“I’m sorry about last night,” you tell him, wiggling out from under his body. “You must think I am the worst, most unattractive human.”

“No,” Jimin says with a giggle. “I think you’re sexy and sweet. I really like you y/n.”

“Nobody likes me.” You scoff at him in disbelief.

“It’s rude to call people nobodies, don’t you think? Especially when they’ve just confessed their feelings,” Jimin teases, sitting up beside you.

“Well, let me at least brush my teeth,” you tell him, holding his shirt closed around you while you rise from the bed. You step around the clean trash can that’s been placed at the side of your bed thanks to Yoongi, noting that there is also a neat row of condoms on your nightstand and a note that reads ‘be done by 5 i wanna watch Dragonball Z after work.’

You laugh and quickly take care of your morning bathroom routine in record time so you can make use of Yoongi’s gift.

When you come back to your room, Jimin is watching you. His lips are drawn down in a pout, his eyes are half closed, and his chest, still bare, rises and falls heavily with each breath he takes as he rakes his eyes over your bare legs and up. His shirt hangs open on your body, leaving a strip of skin visible from your throat to your panties. He licks his lips when your fingers drag a slow line up that strip.

Parting the soft fabric further, you let it fall from your shoulders and pool around your feet. Jimin sits up for a better view and you wait for embarrassment to strike. It never happens. Instead, his gaze emboldens you. He looks wrecked already and he hasn't even touched you yet.

“So beautiful,” he whispers.

His assurance pulls you forward, one foot in front of the other until you’re close enough to touch and his hands are on your hips as you climb over him. He leans back under you as you push forward, connecting your lips with a force that borders on overeager. You can feel him smile against your lips and self-consciously, you will yourself to calm down. You have all day, there’s no need to rush.

When your kisses become soft and patient Jimin decides to take the initiative. He has to have you. He wants to be inside you. He sits up and sinks his hands into the flesh of your ass and begins to pull you down so he can grind up against your clothed cunt. When you moan his eyes roll back for a second and he buries his face into your neck to muffle the sound of his own. His tongue works in circles against you, giving you a taste of what’s to come before sucking a spot that has you burying your hand in his hair and grinding yourself down on him with need. He licks a hot stripe to your ear so he can whisper in it. In an instant he’s flipping you around on your back and grinding his pelvis against yours, allowing the dark desire to consume him.

“You like that, princess? You like feeling my cock on that sweet pussy of yours?”

“Yeah,” you whine, circling your legs around his hips. You can’t manage much more than that breathy reply, he is intoxicating and already you are drunk on his fumes.

“I hear it’s the sweetest. Made me so fucking jealous to hear Tae talk about you like that. You’ll let me have a taste, won’t you? Let me show you how good I can make you feel?”

“God did Tae just go around telling everyone?” you pause when the friction rubs against your clit just right. “Oh fuck,” you moan, imaging the pillowy soft press of his lips on your more intimate areas.

He chuckles in response. “No,” he assures you. “Just Jungkook and me. Don’t worry,” he says, persuading you with a careful roll of his hips that has his shaft parting your folds despite the layers of clothing between you. “He won’t talk about it anymore, and you’ll forget all about it by the time we’re done here. I’m gonna eat your sweet little cunt until mine are the only lips you remember.”

“Please,” you whimper, drawing him into a needy kiss.

His fingers dip into the band of your panties and he teases and tugs at them until you’re squirming and begging him to take them off. His lips trail wet kisses down to your breasts and he pauses to take your nipple into his mouth as he carefully works your last remaining piece of clothing down your legs.

Nudging your legs apart again, he settles between them, ghosting the pads of his fingers up the inside of your thigh as he drags your nipple gently with his teeth. He switches to repeat the action on the other side and cautiously slips a finger between your folds, parting them and testing your wetness. Much to his delight, he already finds you soaked.

“Jimin,” you breathe out. “Please.”

“Be patient for me, princess. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” He sits back on his knees between your thighs and uses his thumbs to smear your arousal over your lips. He groans something deep and tortured when he spreads them open.

“Y/n, holy fuck,” he whispers. “You’re perfect. So perfect.”

Heat rises to your cheeks at his praise. It feels like some kind of worship the way he looks down at your cunt, watching his fingers disappear inside you. His satisfied hum is like a hymn to the divine way your hot, slick walls squeeze him, a prayer to the mere idea of having that wet heat wrapped around his needy cock.

“Tae didn’t tell me you were so tight,” Jimin admits, looking up at you under his eyelashes.

“He only used his mouth,” you tell him, throwing your arm over your eyes. “I’ll never forget his lips if you keep talking about him.”

That seems to spark a fire in Jimin. His eyes grow dark and wild. He wants to ruin you. He presses his lips to the inside of your thigh and begins sucking marks into the soft flesh while his fingers continue to pump inside of you. He slowly works his way down, making sure the red spots he leaves behind are sufficient enough to last for days. He makes sure you’ll have the reminder of his face between your legs every time you look down.

“Jimin don’t tease,” you beg, bucking your hips up to seek the warmth of his breath.

“I’m not teasing,” he chides. “I am savoring.” He curls his fingers and presses his thumb to your clit, making your legs jolt. “Trust the process.”

“Jimin--,” you start again, but you’re cut off by the first touch of his lips. It’s barely there, just the ghost of a kiss on your mound. It’s immediately followed by the flat of his tongue, pressing down as he moves it lower, slipping his fingers out as he descends. His tongue parts your folds instead, circling your dripping hole and then dipping inside it.

“Mmmmm,” he hums. “Fuck, you’re sweet.” He spreads you with his thumbs again and goes back for more, lapping at your wet cunt, swirling around your clit, sucking your folds into his lips. But it’s not just the action, it’s the drive behind it. He’s insatiable, moaning at the taste, bucking his hips into the mattress when you whine for him.

Your fingers tangle through his silver hair, twisting and pulling as he devotes himself to your undoing. He moves with you when you grind up against his jaw, stealing a glance up at your face. Jimin feels his cock twitch at the sight of you; breasts heaving, mouth hanging open, eyes squeezed shut. He’s leaking so much precum he can feel it soaking through his boxer-briefs. He’s almost afraid he’s going to lose it and cum in his pants.

“You gonna cum for me, princess?” he asks, lifting his face to push his fingers back inside. He pumps them hard, curling and searching for that elusive spot while he presses soft kisses to your clit. He alternates between flicking his tongue and rubbing against it with his lips, pausing every few seconds to whisper encouragements with warm breath puffed over your swollen bud.

“Come on, baby. Do it for me. Cum for me, princess. Let me taste it.”

“Please Jimin. Pleeeeease. I need you to suck it. Suck it harder,” you beg. “Right there. There! Don’t stop! Please! I’m so close.”

Jimin keeps steady for you despite your trembling thighs. He pounds your g-spot while he sucks as hard as you can take. Your mind goes totally blank, consumed by an orgasm so powerful you can see fireworks bursting behind your eyelids. Heat spreads from your core down your legs, up your spine.

“I’m cu— cumming— Jimiiiiin!” you cry, legs trapping his head like a vice. Your fingers leave his hair in favor of squeezing at your breasts as you ride out your orgasm. You buck your hips when he doesn’t let up after you’ve come down from your high.

“Take your pants off,” you pant, shoving at his head.

He finally pops off with a grin, his chin and lips covered in your slick.

“What if I’m not finished down here?” he teases, dipping his head back down to lick a stripe up your slit. Your whole body jumps when he touches your clit with the tip of his tongue. “Oh?” he feigns shock. “Sensitive?” he smugly asks, going back for one more taste.

“I wanna suck your cock,” you tell him, lazily pulling your legs up and turning your body away from him. You keep your eyes on him as you turn just enough to hang your head off the edge of the bed.

“Are you for real right now?” he asks, standing slowly. The tent in his pants is obscene.

“Please, Jimin. Just a little bit?”

“You’re gonna fucking kill me,” he sighs, tugging the zipper down on his jeans and letting them and his underwear fall to his ankles. He kicks them off and steps in front of you, smiling down at your upside down face, a little dumbfounded to have you wanting and willing to have him like this.

Your mouth waters at the sight of the swollen mauve tip standing at attention. He’s rock hard and so thick you’re not sure you can take him in your mouth, or your cunt for that matter. You’re glad he warmed you up with his fingers because you’re already clenching tight at the thought of that thick cock splitting you in two.

He reaches for the row of condoms as you take him in your hand and give him a few pumps. Just as he rips off one of the packets, you guide him towards the entrance of your mouth. You swirl your tongue against the tip and he drops everything, focusing on the way you tease him instead.

He inhales sharply. “Fuck. Who’s the tease now?”

You run your tongue along his shaft and smile when you get to the tip, giving it a quick kiss. “I’m savoring. What happened to trusting the process?”

He drags his lip through his teeth and clenches his jaw as you put his patience to the test but lucky for him you’re kind. He doesn’t have to wait long. You close your lips around him a moment later, reaching around his hips to guide him deeper, controlling the depth of his thrusts until he learns your limits and leans over you. With his hands on your breasts he rolls his hips. He can feel the tip of his cock bumping the back of your throat. He moans when you gag around him.

“That’s it, princess. Suck it. Just like that,” he praises.

Jimin is careful with his pace, and tender with his touch when he twists your nipples. He thinks he’s in control. He thinks he can take this just fine, despite the fact that your mouth feels fucking incredible. It’s when he watches you part your thighs and slip your hand between them to finger yourself while he fucks your mouth that he realizes he’s got none of the control he was so certain of. His balls tighten and he pulls out quickly and squeezes them, pinching at the tip of his cock and leaving you gasping for the breath you couldn’t catch with him in your mouth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need a second,” he huffs, eyes closed, standing perfectly still. He breathes slowly and deeply. If you could peek into his brain you’re sure you’d see any number of boring things trying to distract him from the image of you fucking yourself with your fingers while you sucked his cock. It’s futile. He’s certain he’ll see it in his dreams.

“Did I do something wrong?” you wonder, shuffling around so that you’re laying back on your pillows.

Jimin ignores your question. He knows you’re well aware he almost came in your mouth. “I need to be inside you like, now,” he says, picking up the condom again.

You watch him tear it open and roll it on with his one knee pressed into the mattress and his other foot on the floor.

"Come on then," you coax, opening your legs for him to crawl between.

He pushes two fingers inside you on his way up, dragging them out slowly and smearing your wetness around your pussy before he lines his cock up and sinks in to the hilt in one smooth press.

You gasp as he fills you, feeling the stretch of his girth, and he hushes your whimpering and brushes his nose against yours. "I'm sorry baby," he soothes. "I'll go slow." He seals the promise with a kiss before hiking your legs up high around his waist and wrapping his arms around you.

He lies still like this, waiting for the green light while he kisses you breathless. He moves to your neck when you break away to inhale, sucking more little bruises in the skin there. "Tell me when."

"Move," you moan. "Move. Fuck me."

Jimin pulls out slowly, leaving just the tip inside. He pushes back in just as slow, repeating the action several times until it looks like you're about to cry.

You need it so badly. It feels cruel to have him rocking so gently inside you when all you want is to be ruined by him. "Harder," you plead.

"Are you sure?"

"Don't make me beg," you whine.

"What if I want you to beg?" he jokes, dropping his hips against you. It's almost hard enough to satisfy you.

"Then I'll beg."

Jimin groans, dropping his head to your shoulder as he sets a brutal pace. He pounds into you, forcing the air from your lungs with his powerful thrusts, rolling his hips like his life depends on it. "You're so fucking good for me, princess. So tight. Feels so fucking good."

"Go faster," you tell him, grabbing a handful of his ass.

Shifting higher on his knees, he picks up the pace. Sweat beads on his forehead and over his lip. It beads in the dip of his cupid's bow and you lick it away before raking his bottom lip through your teeth.

“You feel my fat cock baby?" he asks. You moan in response pulling your legs higher so he can fuck you even deeper. "You like the way I fill you, don't you? Want me to fuck you full of my cum? Take it," he grunts. "You take it so fucking well. You gonna cum for me again, baby?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you chant, rocking your hips to meet his thrusts.

Jimin pulls out when you start to clench, not quite edging you but stealing the pleasure you were high on nonetheless. You whine at the loss of him, walls fluttering wildly around nothing.

"Can we try something?" he asks, lifting your legs and putting them to the side.

"What did you have in mind?" you wonder. You reach for his cock but he's already moving, nudging at your hips until you turn.

"Up on your knees for me, princess," he instructs. He kneels behind you once you're in position and smooths his hand up your spine, guiding you gently down onto your elbows. “Is this okay?”

“It’s good,” you assure him, wiggling your hips a little to get him moving again.

He teases your slit with the tip of his cock, dragging it through your folds and rubbing it against your clit. Finally, he pushes back inside you, coaxing a fresh wave of arousal with the stretch of his girth. It’s deeper like this and impossibly you feel even more full than you did before.

“Oh, Jimin,” you sigh, dropping your face into your folded arms. “Jimin.”

“Good?” He folds himself over you, pressing his chest to your back and sliding his hands from your hips to your breasts.

You thrust yourself back into him as you answer. “Perfect. You?”

It takes him by surprise but he follows your lead. He drives himself into your cunt while massaging your breasts and kissing your back. “Fuck, y/n…” he moans, letting his teeth drag over your shoulder before he bites down.

You hiss at the sting and he soothes it with his tongue and puckered lips.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous taking my cock like this. Feel how deep I am. You’re squeezing me so tight, baby.”

“Jimin? Jimin, I need—,” you gasp out between thrusts.

“What, princess? What do you need?” he questions, releasing a breast to play with your clit instead. “Want me to pull your hair? Want me to fill you with my cum?”

“I wanna ride you.”

“Oh, fuck.” Jimin pulls back immediately.

He lays down beside you and grabs at your waist, guiding you over his cock and holding on tight as you drop your weight and take him completely. Swiveling your hips, you set a pace slow and steady. Jimin’s thumbs rubs soft circles into your skin as you move.

“Go faster,” he urges, unable to keep his hips from rising to meet yours.

You shake your head ‘no’ and continue with your slow rolling pace.

“Please, y/n. Ride it like you wanna cum with me.”

Smirking devilishly, you slow down even more and lean over him with your hands on either side of his head.

He looks down, watching your breasts sway and the way his cock disappears over and over.

“Fuck, y/n. PLEASE,” he whines, roughly grabbing your hips and pounding up into you.

Your startled laugh quickly turns into desperate cries of his name. His cock hits your g-spot directly. It feels so good you don’t even think you need him to touch your clit to make you cum. But he does. He pinches your bud between his fingers while he slams into you, growling and moaning and begging you to cum with him.

“I’m close,” he grunts, licking his fingers and rubbing furiously at your clit.

“Me too,” you whine. “I’m gonna—”

You don’t have time to finish the thought as he takes you over the edge with him. He slams his head back against the pillows as he pumps his hips and cums to the wild pulsing of your orgasm. Your cunt milks every last drop from him and you cry his name, clutching his wrists and letting your head fall back so you can wail your pleasure at the ceiling.

Jimin gasps, picking up his head to look down at how your pussy spreads open around him. Your slick cum coats the condom and his mouth waters, remembering the sweet tang of your taste. You’ve barely stopped grinding on him when he sits up to push you down on your back.

Pulling out, he kneels beside the bed and pulls you to the edge by your legs so he can gently lick you clean. He exhales a hot and heavy breath, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before standing up to peel the loaded condom off his softening cock.

“That was… wow,” you pant, staring up at the ceiling for a moment as you try to regain your breath.

He’s already back at your side, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you towards his chest.

“Yeah,” he agrees while softly combing his fingers through your hair. He’s tired.

You smile against his sweaty chest and plant a soft salty kiss against him. Through the corner of your eye you see the row of untouched condoms on your nightstand. “We’ve got a lot left. Wanna go again?”

He hums a deep throaty sound and laughs when your hand falls to his limp cock. “I want to, but I need a bit to recharge. I can make you cum again while we wait. Do you want that, baby?”

“I always want that. But you don’t have to.”

The groan in his throat sounds croaky as he leans in to kiss your forehead. “I want to.”

He reaches down to wedge his fingers between your thighs and your whole body jumps at the sensitive sensation. How dare your body betray you in this moment?

“Seems like you might need time to recharge too,” he teases while nuzzling against the top of your head and squeezing you in a warm embrace against him. “I’m okay with just laying here and holding you.”

“Yeah?” You smile and cross your leg over his to get more comfortable. “Mmm. You can always help me study for the next test while you’re here.”

Laughter bubbles from his throat. “Are you trying to seduce me for answers to the exam? You know I don’t grade them, right.”

You roll your eyes and scoff, barely containing your giggles as you look up at him. “I don’t think I need to seduce anyone for answers. My head feels a little clearer now.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” he prods while playfully ghosting his fingers down your side.

“Because I know I can be distracted outside of class now instead. I mean, if you wanna keep doing this,” you explain while nervously drumming your fingertips on his chest. “I know I’m not anything special, but—”

Jimin lifts your chin and pulls you into a deep kiss. “You are,” he whispers when he pulls away.

You lick your lips and blink a few times. “I was gonna say you make me feel like I am the most special vanilla ice cream cone on the planet.”

His shy, warm smile fills your stomach with butterflies even as he makes his joke. “Want me to lick you up?”

“And so much more.”

It’s a weighted confession. You sit up to look at him so he knows this. He purses his lips and casts his away. He was avoiding this conversation.

“I don’t know how much more I can give you. I want to be what you deserve, but things are so hard right now. I don’t know that I can be someone who’s good enough for you. You deserve to be showered in gifts and taken on dates. You deserve to be given flowers every day. I don’t even have a car to take you somewhere for a vacation. I’m not sure I can be what you want.”

“Just be yourself,” you state plainly, cupping your hand around his jaw. “That’s what I want. So far I like the person I see. I like you, the real you.”

“I like you too,” he blurts, eyes snapping back to meet yours. “But I can’t afford—”

You press a finger to his lips. “I don’t need expensive dates or fancy gifts. I don’t need you to take care of me— well, last night was the exception and you didn’t need money for that. I just want you to be with me. Talk with me. Spend time with me. Maybe have lots of sex? I don’t know, we can figure out the rest later.” You laugh, embarrassed by your own boldness.

“You see everything that I am and you still want me.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re amazing. Now I know for sure you’re too good for me. But,” he pauses and slips his hands into yours, “I want to keep seeing you. I like talking to you and the more time I spend with you, the more certain I feel about the choices I’ve made. No one’s ever made me feel so free. I want to hold onto that feeling. I want to hold onto you.”

You tell yourself not to cry as you straddle his waist and hover above his lips. “I’m yours then. Are you mine?”

He catches your lips between his and buries his hands in your hair. “I’m yours.”

[wienerbarnes]

Play Dead Until You’re Dead

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 3,149

Warnings: Lowkey angst ngl but nothing too bad

A/N: YAY im so excited for this part bc I've had this in my head for a while now and it gonna change so much for the story but I'm so excited for one shots in the future! also this is kinda not edited ill go through it again tomorrow :) enjoy!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

A slow knock interrupts your plant watering and you glance at the time. Bucky said he’d be by in the afternoon, not the morning. You place your cup of water down and walk over to the door and open it cautiously before your eyes widen and a gasp escapes you as you see who awaits you on the other side.

Sam Wilson, dressed in civilian clothing, shoots you a smirk, “Why don’t we go for a drive?”

You don’t have time to answer. You don’t have time to think. Your blood is cold, your hands are cold, and your feet are cold as they slip into the sandals you keep by the door. You silently - and anxiously - step out into the hallway and shut the door behind you, never taking your eyes off of Sam.

“After you.” he gestures with a smile. You walk.

…

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have a lot of unspoken conversations. Although the rocky start they got off too all those years ago, they’ve grown incredibly close and trust each other like no one else.

So when Bucky calls him late at night, sounding confused, nervous, and unsure, Sam notices. Especially when Bucky then suddenly forgets why he called and what he needed to talk to him about.

Sam’s first thought was that he was drugged. Bucky was given something that clouded his mind. But when Sam saw him the next day, he seemed perfectly fine. So, he proceeded to his second thought.

Bucky was keeping a secret from him.

When Sam was passed the shield, there was one thing each of them asked of each other. Bucky asked to not be a part of the Avengers full time. Sam asked for no secrets and no lying (which he later asked the same from Sharon).

And since then, Bucky has been solely tasked with training new recruits for their seven week training which occurs twice a year, as well as to help on especially difficult cases called to them by the government. And in return, Bucky has not told a single lie to him or kept a single secret. Until now.

So Sam begins to get unimaginably curious. Bucky hasn’t picked up any new hobbies, and after a quick and encrypted check up, none of his extended family have passed away or had anything big happen to them, either. The last thing that Sam can think of to have caused such an odd change in Bucky is a girlfriend. But, if it is a girlfriend, why wouldn’t he tell Sam? Unless, it was someone he knew Sam wouldn’t like.

And that’s when he knew he had to figure out who it was.

So he waited. Until the perfect clue presented itself.

“No, I can’t tonight, man.”

“Why not? I know it’s Friday night, but, what, you got a hot date, or something?”

“Something like that - look, I just have plans I can’t cancel tonight. How about next Friday we go out?”

That was all Sam needed. The plans he couldn’t cancel. So, he waited until later that night and went over to Bucky’s apartment. He’d figure a harmless cock-blocking will teach him not to keep secrets from him anymore.

Until when he put his car into park and gathered his belongings to put them in his pockets, he noticed someone exiting the front of the apartment building; specifically a head of fiery red hair.

Imagine his surprise when he recognizes the face as you.

It doesn’t take long for Sam to figure out where you were. Everyone had already assumed you to be dead, or at least be far away from the country. But now that he knew you were still in New York, a few hours digging into your past and your file led him to a few key locations. From being so separated from society for so long, chances were that you’d find a place you were familiar with, if not the same place, the same area.

Kathleen Grover’s apartment is the first place he checks, but it’s since been turned into higher end condos, a place you probably wouldn’t be able to get away with staying at considering that you probably don’t have an ID or any money. So he checks for the absolute cheapest and low-lying apartments in the neighborhood. Which gives him two results. He just so happened to be lucky on the first one he chose to look into.

Which leads to now, the two of you riding in complete silence, on the way to the Tower, unbeknownst to you.

The only thing that’s going through your mind is Bucky. You hate the idea that he sold you out, because not only would it hurt your feelings, but it would mean those annoying voices in your head would’ve been right.

Yeah, time to put your big girl pants back on. What, you thought you’d live a normal life at some point? Buy a big house? Go out to fancy, populated restaurants? Maybe DisneyWorld? Get a grip! You were always a mistake and a failure. And you’re going right back where you belong, in that box! And Bucky will be right there in that observation room when they stick the needle in your arm and end you for good.

You swallow down the bile that comes up at the thought of going back to prison.

It was fun while it lasted. Decorating the apartment. The tattoos. The new recipes. The movie nights with Bucky. The sleepovers with Bucky. The list with Bucky. The long road trips with Bucky. The music playlists with Bucky. Bucky.

You’ll miss Bucky the most in prison. You’ll think about him everyday. You won’t be able to write him and he won’t be able to write you, not that he’d want to given the fact that he ratted you out, but there was no paper or writing utensils allowed, especially for you.

You’ll dream about his singing when he’d clean, his hugs after waking up, still warm from the sheets, and the unbelievable comfort his eyes provided.

...

“Hey, Sam, how are you?” Bucky absentmindedly answers as he finishes up watering the plants in his living room.

“Hey, man. You busy? Mind meeting me at the tower?” Bucky can hear his car in the background.

“Uh, yea, sure I can. New case?” He asks, setting down his watering kettle and walking towards his room to put on a fresh pair of socks and sneakers. If it’s a new case, there’s no point in getting all done up to listen to Sam debrief him.

“Something like that. Just get here, yea?”

That’s odd.

Normally when Sam calls Bucky about a case, he gives him at least some of the details. That was a part of their plan, their deal. Bucky only joins on missions on special occasions and with specific circumstances. So why wouldn’t Sam give the tiniest hint of what’s going on?

Unless it’s something Bucky’s involved in.

Is Zemo dead? Has he escaped? Some other big Hydra villain that’s come to light?

Bucky’s mouth goes dry like cotton at the thought of something involving you. Did someone recognize you and turn you in? Did Sam find you? No, no, he couldn’t have. The both of you had been so unbelievably careful, there was no way anyone found you.

Bucky lets out a shaky sigh before grabbing his keys and his wallet and heading out.

…

That phone call hurt. Hearing Bucky’s voice, for what will probably be the last time in a long, long time. Even if he betrayed you, even if he turned you in, even if he used you, backstabbed you, whatever. That fifteen second phone call caused an excruciating pain in your heart and it was so hard to hold back tears.

You didn’t want to cry. Captain America and Bucky Barnes had humiliated you enough for you to be crying on the way to the Avengers Tower. They don’t deserve your tears, and you don’t even deserve to be shedding them. This is exactly what you had coming to you.

Although the car ride felt like it lasted hours, the two of you arrived at the Avengers tower sooner than you would have liked.

Sam drove the car up though a back entrance, the back of the building opening up like recognizing Sam’s car. The ride in the elevator was quiet as Sam flashes a crystal-looking card and presses one of the thirty-seven buttons of the building.

He hadn’t put you in handcuffs and it seems he’s chosen a rather secretive way of transporting you here. Granted, you know you wouldn’t win a fight against Sam Wilson, even if you had Marine and HYDRA training under your belt, but, who knows what if you had a knife? Or were secretly an incredibly skilled fighter? What if your powers allowed you to, like, melt people’s brains and he had no idea? That’d probably be your best bet anyway, considering you're in custody at the Avengers Tower in sandals and no bra under your shirt.

The two of you exit out into an empty hallway, quiet, too, you notice. As the two of you approach the end of the hallway, swaying towards the door on the left wall, an interrogation room you deduct from peeking into the small window, a voice stops you.

“Hey, Sam? F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you’d be here, what’s-”

His voice catches in his throat seeing you and Sam turn around to face him. He feels his eyes widen, his skin pale, his hands become clammy. This can’t be happening. This can not be happening. He walks closer and his steps slow as he’s standing in front of you. He’s literally speechless and as much as he wants to talk, to scream, to question what’s going on, he doesn’t.

His mouth hangs open even though no words come out, and you spit in his face before he gets the chance. He flinches and Sam pushes you into the room before you can react any further.

Bucky wipes your saliva from his cheek and he wants to cry. He wants to choke. He wants to throw a fucking tantrum in the middle of the hallway because he has absolutely no idea what’s going on. He feels a panic attack coming on and uses all of this strength to push it down as Sam exits the room. Relax. Figure out what’s going on so you can fix it; so you can get her the fuck out of here.

“You are going to tell me everything. And I mean everything. Absolutely no one knows that she’s here, or that she’s even alive. Sharon will remain unaware until you give me an explanation.” Sam tells him, his Captain voice taking over, and Bucky silently nods because he’s scared.

This is all so fucked up. And he hopes the truth he’s about to tell Sam will help you more than hurt you.

…

It’s funny how being in a familiar place affects your mind and body, regardless of how long it’s been. In the time that you’ve been in this interrogation room, your nerves have been completely on edge in a way that they haven’t been since being in prison, the voices have returned in your head, chatty as ever, and you haven’t been so angry since you killed that guard all those years ago in that first prison.

You pick and pull at your cuticles until they bleed and chew at the inside of your cheek until you taste metal.

Think they’ll let you decorate your cell this time? Or do you think they’ll just strap you straight into the medical chair and tie your arm up? No need to waste food, water, and a cot on you. Maybe they’ll bring back the electric chair or the firing squad just for this special occasion! Maybe they’ll have Bucky pull the lever-

“Shut up.” You mumble audibly, already feeling a headache coming on.

Spitting at Bucky felt good and bad at the same time. Good, because he deserves it, and more, after doing this to you; giving you the best and freest two and a half years of your life before snatching it all away from you in a second. Did he do it for fun? Did he like the game, the teasing of befriending you, taking care of you, all because he knew he’d do this and have the last laugh in the end?

It felt bad because as much as this sucks, you can’t find it in you hate Bucky. He’s become your best friend, your only friend, someone you actually trust in this new life you’ve been living. You want to forgive him, hug him, tell him it’s okay, that you’re not mad, that you could never be mad at him. Because you couldn’t. And that might actually be the worst part to all of this.

A click interrupts your thoughts and you stare at the Captain as he pulls out the seat across from you and sits down at the small table. How you wish there was a clock in here; how long had you been waiting for him here?

“What are you feelin’ right now?”

“Sorta like how your little wingman Riley felt when he fell out of the fucking sky.” You snap.

Sam doesn’t react. He remembers the way you’d act during the investigation years ago when they would question you in prison; he’d see the way you snap at them, at the guards, at the other inmates, how you’d really dig deep into people feelings and thoughts to say the worst thing to them in order to bring up bad memories. So, he was kind of already expecting that.

You’re upset, that he can tell from your attitude, your chipped and chewed fingernails, and you slouched sitting position, arms crossed across your chest as you lean against the back of the chair. He doesn’t blame you though, he’d probably be pretty upset, too.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., stop all audio and video recording from this room from today and erase it completely from every system, please.”

“Clearance level 1 or 2 necessary for that, Captain.”

“Clearance level 2; Wilson, Samuel T.”

“Thank you, Captain. All recordings have been erased and stopped.”

Huh?

“I have a proposition for you.” Sam begins. Your confusion clouds your mind and you don’t process his statement fast enough to respond before he continues.

“I will announce to the press that your body has been found along the coast of the Pacific after following a lead on your whereabouts, I will clarify that you have been found dead and that you drowned, closing the case looking for you. I will provide you with a new identity; that includes a false birth certificate, passport, and other forms of identification with a new name, new birth date, new everything.”

“Is this a fucking joke?” He ignores you.

“There will be a few rules you will have to follow in return. You will have to stay completely hidden out of the populated public for one full year after this announcement is made. You will have to change your appearance; cut your hair, dye it, whatever. You will stay here at the tower where you will be monitored.”

He pauses, like he knows this will be the part you hate most.

“And you will be required to use your abilities to help on future cases the Avengers are tasked with; the same way you did when we came to you with those two cases in the past.”

You’re silent for a moment, “And if I say no?” Your voice is small. You really don’t want to do this. You want to go back to your apartment, you want your clothes, your plants, your blankets, your mugs.

“Then you will be arrested and sent back to prison, in the same exact place on death row you were before.” Your eyes shut, the headache hitting fully.

“Why.” You demand.

“I talked to Bucky,” A roll of your eyes. “He didn’t rat you out, if that’s what you're thinking. I found you all by myself. And I made Bucky tell me absolutely everything. And from there I’m making the decision myself to offer this to you. It’s not my first time helping a globally wanted criminal. Or my second. Or my third. And it honestly probably won’t be my last at this point.”

Do you believe him? Does it even matter if he’s telling the truth or not? You clearly don’t have a choice here.

He knows this. And depending on how deep he spoke with Bucky, he knows you won’t go back to prison.

“I’ll show you to your quarters. You’ll have your own bathroom and kitchen. Tomorrow morning you will be briefed with your new identity by myself, Bucky, Agent Carter, and Director Fury. F.R.I.D.A.Y will help you with that in the morning.”

The walk was just as miserable as it was when you arrived. You wonder where Bucky is. Does he have a room here? Is he back home in his apartment? Is he coming back? Is he thinking about you? Is he mad that you spit on him?

I mean, probably a little bit. I would be at least.

You take a moment to look around your new room; your new living quarters for pretty much forever. There’s so much stuff; a large bed covered with folded blankets and soft pillows, a folded pair of clothes, a rug beneath your feet that sits under a desk and a large bookshelf, filled with books of differing genres and notebooks, the desk is bare except for a small lamp and a cup of pens and pencil. The kitchenette is to your left and seems to be pretty modern, you can’t imagine it’s missing anything you’d need. The closed door against the wall you assume is your promised bathroom, but you don’t feel like settling in.

It’s strange, living almost all your life with nothing; as a child being poor with your family, having less than that in the Marines, and having nothing in Hydra. When you had your apartment, you had nothing, you cleaned the apartment building to make money to pay your cheap rent, you’d steal your clothes, food, and decorations, everything that Bucky didn’t buy you, anyway.

And now, you’re standing in a room that has everything you’d need, no need to pay rent, supplies and resources at your request; all that’s needed in return is the use of your powers.

But you hate it. All of it.

The colors are dull. The decor is boring. There’s no light. Nothing happy. No colorful blankets, no wacky mugs, no cute earrings, no mismatched socks and labeled underwear with the days of the week. No Bucky.

No Bucky.

[k-i-ssmyash]

Pls I would love to hear your analysis on why those mitski songs fit each iz boy (feel free to ignore this but if you'd like do tell bcs I think it is interesting B) )

Oh buddy you've made a mistake. You'd love to hear the analysis? Well I love to talk; I hope your ready for the absolute word vomit and rambling that's under the cut. But yeah, no, i'll never turn down asks like this! Interact with me! I'm but a simple, lonely tumblr hermit.

Let's start off with the first post containing Zim and referencing A Pearl. I tie this song in with his (fandom assumed) character development and how it effects both his mental state, Dib, and his ideology of the Irken Empire as a whole. In a way, I think a lot of us over-sympathize or find common ground with our alien and it prompts us to victimize him and excuse a lot of his actions. And for good reasons honestly? It's easy to do so consider that he was born under the rule of a tyrannical society where flaws are looked down upon. He does wrong but to him it's not exactly wrong, is it? It's unfair to judge him and scrutinize him the same way we do humans. The show is slap-stick at it's core and despite the grim and black-humor based undertones, not much is taken seriously. Although it often ends up in failure, everything he attempts to do is to better the empire, to receive recognition from the beings they hail to about the same degree as a deity. The long and short of it is that he wants to make the Tallest happy. To prove that he's worth their time and that he can live up to everything he dreamed he could be, but the truth is that he can't. He loves the people that hate him the most. It's an abusive relationship at it's finest, really. So he picks up the most unhealthy coping mechanism: Denial. He can't accept the fact that he's a fake invader, or that his Tallest weren't coming to Earth, because it would genuinely destroy him. And why wouldn't it? Pleasing his superiors and contributing to the hive-collective is encoded in him. It's all he's ever known. I specifically chose the given lines "(It's just that) I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended-" because that's the back-bone of Zim's character. You can take it both literally and metaphorically if you'd like. He's invader Zim. He likes being an invader because it gives him a purpose. The Tallest give him a fake mission and play into his delusion of doing good and being someone important (of being loved, even) and never truly hammer in the fact that he's exiled--not counting the unaired episode or the bit of commentary mumbled under the Tallests breath-- because they find the situation funny to an extent. (also, what gets me just in general with it is that Zim thinks that people like him but he's actually just one big joke and ow goddamn it my feelings) Main lyric(s) out of the way there I similarly associate the song to Zim's uh 'character redemption' so to say. I think he'd struggle to become accustomed to Earth and the fact that he doesn't have to rely on commands to live his life. I relate the line(s): "You're getting tired of me (and all of the things I don't talk about) / You love me so hard and I still can't sleep / It's not that I don't want you / It's not that I don't want your touch / There's a hole that you fill" With his relationship with Dib-- platonic, romantic, whatever-- and the general give and take of it all. He'd like to assimilate and believe in the freedom given by living on Earth. He wants it and in a way Dib provides the stability he needs there and it would be so, so, easy to give in to it. But he can't because the Empire continues to loom over him and his day-to-day life. As it's been proven, without Dib there to provoke Zim, the little alien falls into a depression, not unlike the one he fell into in Enter The Florpus when he saw the truth in his mission. Dib is his substitute, essentially. (there's something to be said with that relationship and how I view it but this is already dragging on and this is only the first analysis, so maybe another time.) And lastly, I'd like to think that the Pearl the song is eluding to can be compared to Zim's PAK. The whole 'Pearls are parasites that live inside of mollusks' bit can relate to the PAK and it's purpose. But I see it more in the sense that the PAK is the second brain, a computer memory drive that grants Zim access to the memories he can't bring himself to forget or delete. I.e., "And it left a pearl in my hand / And i roll it around every night just to watch it glow /

Every night, baby, that's where I go" Every time he takes a step forward, he takes two back because he just can't let go of what he knows (the Empire).

--- As for Dib and I Bet On Losing Dogs, well, it's a little more complicated and I'm still not entirely sure of my break-down here because there's so many layers to apply. Originally when I started messing around with this idea, it was going to be centered on Membrane "My baby, you're my baby, say it to me" and him loving Dib despite his flaws. And I still think it could apply. While Dadbrane doesn't support Dib's paranormal bull-shit, and he shouldn't considering the lengths Dib goes through to prove it (bus hoping, obsessive behavior, the fucking trench-coat) he does support and love his son despite the absentness. Hence the "I bet on losing dogs" and you know, Dadbrane just being there to pick him up and have his back when he really needs to. But then we get to the last line of the first verse. "Tell your baby that I'm your baby" To which Dib, in all of his edgy glory, decided to stick his big-head in to my thought process. I saw it as Dib wishing that Membrane would pick him over Science. Kind of a plea for attention? Like: Put your work away, I know you love it but you need to love me more. Dib has got to have the biggest hero-complex out of everyone in the show. He also has an inferiority-complex that compels him to try and prove himself. Quite frankly, and pun fully intended, he is the underdog. The odds are always against him and he almost never comes out victorious in the end, in that way, I feel like Dib himself is the loosing dog. His belief in the supernatural is the loosing dog. No one will ever believe him, "I bet on losing dogs / I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place" but he's too stubborn to give up. Even if he's mocked and ridiculed he would never stop trying to prove himself correct and would continue to stick to his guns. "I'll be there on their side / I'm losing by their side" He ostracizes himself from his peers by not letting belief go. He is purposely sabotaging his chance of being seen as someone other than the crazy kid.

That being said, the next line is where his Hero-complex comes back into play. "Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down" in Enter the Florpus, his sworn enemy was in a funk that he knew all too well. Sure, in the end he wanted to use Zim for his own gain, but before that he sympathized with him. And in a way, he possibly wouldn't know how to act if he ever did actually succeed? I couldn't help but think that Dib, who has always lost wouldn't feel like exposing Zim would be a win? He'd miss the fight. Dib would miss the struggle of being beaten down only to rise up when he finally gets some sort of substantial evidence: "I wanna feel it / I bet on losing dogs" he hopes that Zim will come up with something big and bad not because he wants him to win either, but because then Dib has something to fight against. Along with that, the one time Dib actually broke away from paranormal to go along with his father's wishes he was absolutely miserable. He was successful. He made his father happy, he could have made something out of his life but he couldn't; the appeal of Zim and their on-going stalemate was too much to resist-- "I always want you when I'm finally fine / Someone to watch me die" -- Dib is ruining himself by obsessing over the truth and Zim would be going down, right there with him. ahaha, that was a lot wasn't it? It probably didn't make sense either as it's just my personal rambling here, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and opinions on it all.

[minijenn]

Can you do a angst prompt of any number about Sora and Young Xehanort in Keys that you're willing to preview?

56. “Don’t pretend to care about me.” & 62. “You ruined my life.”

A strangled scream stays stuck in his throat as the young master tears the edge of his Keyblade into him over and over and over again. It’s a brutal beating, one he’s forced to take to the point that he can’t even try and shield himself against it. He can only stand and take it, tears spilling from his eyes all the while as blood begins to pour from the open wounds, wounds he won’t be able to heal on his own anymore when all this is eventually over. 

Or maybe it won’t be over. Maybe Young Xehanort will actually just end up killing him right here on the spot. Honestly, at this point, Sora would consider himself pretty lucky if he did. 

Of course, he doesn’t and only relents his attack when Sora no longer has any strength left to stand. He collapses to the ground in a puddle of his own blood, his chest heaving in agony as his sides and back burn from the brutal wounds torn across them. His ears are ringing, his vision blurs, and he feels sick and scared as the young master looms over him, his expression cool and uncaring as ever, despite the horrific act of violence he’d just committed. 

“I suppose you’ve learned your lesson by now,” he muses calmly, his blood-coated Keyblade vanishing away. “If you would like to not endure such punishment in the future, then make sure you do not fail me again. Do you understand, my thirteenth?” 

An answer is forced out of Sora, despite the flow of blood trickling out of his mouth as he softly speaks it. “Y-yes, Master…” 

“Good,” Young Xehanort nods, satisfied. “Now, pick yourself up and go get cleaned up. And try to find a passable meal while you’re at it. You’re wearing yourself down to skin and bones.”

Sora bristles at this comment, a spark of downright stupid anger rushing through him. He should ignore it, he knows he should, but the incredible irony of it all is far too much for him to take. “A-are you kidding me?” he sits up, not even sparing a thought of surprise that he’s been granted the rare gift of speaking freely in the master’s presence. “Y-you track me down, beat me to a pulp, a-and then you act like you’re actually worried about how I’ve been eating?!” 

“Of course, I am,” the young master doesn’t turn to face him. “You starving yourself to death isn’t going to do either of us any favors.”

“Don’t pretend to care about me,” Sora hisses before he can think better of it. He stumbles to his feet, clutching his injured shoulder as he wipes some of the blood away from his mouth. He wants to summon his Keyblade, wants to fight his master off, but he can’t. His Keyblade won’t even come to him now unless Xehanort himself wills it to appear. “Not after how you’ve ruined my life.”

“Are you sure I’m the one who’s responsible for that?” Young Xehanort glances back at him unsympathetically. “It seems you’ve done plenty to ruin your life entirely on your own.”

He’s not wrong, and Sora hates that. Hates that this treacherous, terrible man knows him almost as well as he knows himself. “Well, it’d be just a little better if I could go without you showing up and nearly killing me every time I step out of line…” he mutters crossly, glaring to the blood-stained ground. 

“Then perhaps you should try harder to do as you’re told,” Young Xehanort retorts just as coldly. “Because the next time you decide to fall short of my expectations, you may not be the one to reap the punishment of your failure.”

Sora jolts, not even needing to think twice about who his master is referring to. The mere idea of having to stand by and watch any of his friends endure even a fragment of the torture he just went through is unthinkable. “I-I won’t fall short,” he assures, all traces of bitterness gone from his tone as he bows his head obediently. By now, he’s come to learn the kind of behavior his master likes to see from him, and while he hates showing such feeble, pathetic submission, he knows it’s the least he can do to keep his friends out of harm’s way. “I promise.”

“You’ll do exactly as I say,” Young Xehanort says. It’s not a question. 

“I’ll do… w-whatever you say,” Sora echoes, absolutely hating himself as he does. The young master arcs an eyebrow at him, and even that small action alone is enough to draw the final word out of him, another constant reminder of who controls his life now. “Master…”

Young Xehanort simply nods and then leaves him with a simple order that he is bound to obey, whether he wants to or not: follow his every twisted command... or be forced to watch his friends pay the price.

(Decided to combine two cause sure. Tbh I’m hella compelled by the dynamic Sora is gonna have with the main Nort Squad (Xehanort, YX, Ansem, and Xemnas) later on in Keys bc all four of them can basically tell him to do whatever they want and he has literally no choice but to obey and he hates it. And boy oh boy are all four of them more than ready to abuse their power of this poor, emotionally damaged kid. Assholes.) 

Prompts are open, send away!

[firebirdsdaughter]

Yeah…

… This is super frustrating. I’d totally be feeling something from this scene if I felt like their relationship was real and not something Korenosuke/Aruto manufactured exactly to their liking. Also if it was less ‘remember your ~dream~’ and more ‘you don’t need to do use another berserk Key.’ Like… I feel like the ‘want HumaGear to smile from the heart’ is a little overdone? Like, in theory it’s valid, but I feel like it gets tossed around w/out much thought to how or why, or recognition of the fact that’s also okay to be upset and angry and that happiness may not look like ‘smiling’ for everyone? I dunno how to explain this, but… There’s just too much of shilling Aruto as this ‘perfect paragon of benevolence’ and Izu as his ‘perfect angel supporter’ for me to have any emotion for this scene? Once again, their relationship feels groomed and manufactured, and not even the collective good acting of Noa and Fumiya can save it? And I think in general the film itself wouldn’t actually really bother me w/out the baggages from the show? I’ve run into the ground how I feel the whole ‘memories’ thing was superfluous, but I just feel like this should be focusing on how Aruto is fully capable of making bad decisions, just like any person, and that the message shouldn’t be that he exclusively ‘needs’ Izu to ‘save’ him from malice, but just that everyone needs someone to call them out when they are being stupid. It shouldn’t be ‘remember how good you are’ but more ‘this is a bad course of action.’ Bc you ultimately can’t ‘save’ someone from ‘darkness’ people will be stupid and make bad choices and everyone needs a network, but that ‘network’ shouldn’t be the android made to cater to your whims who follows you around telling you how great you are twenty-four-seven. Izu disobeying Aruto and confronting him about making a bad decision would have been a really interesting and good subplot for them… If it weren’t for everything else in the show. If her character didn’t feel more like a siri or a tomagachi than a person. If this was treated as her and Aruto learning from their mistakes and failures, esp w/ Horobi, and Izu making a choice about what she thinks is right and Aruto coming down off his high horse. Her confrontation of him being less ‘remember your dream’ and more ‘everyone else is working their butts off to try and stop this and you’re here on your own using a berserk Key again???’

Also if there had been more of him interacting w/ and/or acknowledging the other characters, esp Horobi, whose motivations were very similar to S’. I would absolutely be here for a scene of Aruto being like ‘I’m going to say to you what I should have said to him.’ If Aruto seeing S’ behaviour made him realise that he’s been making similar assumptions about HumaGear/everyone in general, that he somehow knows how to make them happy. If the movie had ended w/ them meeting up w/ the others, and then at some point either he or Izu (or both!) go and quietly apologise to Horobi (what’s it gonna take for me to get an apology for Horobi???), and then maybe to everyone else for taking off like that.

Basically… This film would have benefitted greatly from a more smoothly handled finale. Something where everyone owned up to their parts in what happened, and it turns out that Izu’s data was stored in the 02 Key the whole time, so if Aruto had just paused for a moment instead of going full murder spree, this could have been dealt w/ much sooner. The final fight also features him apologising to Horobi for letting it get this bad and complicated, and reassuring Horobi that the situation is ‘more complicated’ than ‘all his fault.’ Horobi is the one who retrieves Izu’s data from the 02 Key and the one who remakes Jin. Mbjr’s new goal is more to try and fight for HumaGear rights in a new way than just ‘hang out and watch until another ‘Ark’ shows up’ and Aruto and Izu are now more focused on actually changing things so that no HumaGear have to suffer like mbjr and the others did ever again, and there’s talk of trying to give HumaGear more voice in their situations, esp in regards to the new satellite. Something where Aruto/humanity is vowing not to forget the mistakes they also made. The whole ‘memories’ stuff is scrapped bc it’s meaningless, and Izu’s moment in Zea is more about her considering her previous actions (rubbing Horobi’s defeat in baby Jin’s face, stuff like the time Gai tried to mind control Fuwa into shooting her and everything after, her conversations w/ Yua about intentions and the Ansatsu-chan incident, Horobi’s very obvious distress in the warehouse) and taking everything into account about what the right course of action is. Whether she’ll just cause more pain again, or whether she could help. Zea/02 popping in and weighing could still work, and I’d love to see Izu conclude that yes, she does think she can go help, that is the right course of action, and she’s not just doing it to ~support Aruto~ but for everyone else, too, bc everyone else is out there doing all they can, including Shesta, and she wants to do what she can, too. I feel like that all would make me feel much better going into this? Like… That’d make this film mostly work for me. I’d still take issue w/ trying to push Aruto and Izu as romantic bc of the whole he has absolute power over her to the point it comes across as grooming/wife husbandry, but that would require a whole-ass show rewrite.

As it is… I’m just caught in limbo w/ how this could have all been real good, actually, and how good Noa and Fumiya are and how they genuinely do have very good chemistry, but the shilling of Aruto and Izu’s lack of development and any other relationships and the fact that his absolute power and humanity’s absolute power over HumaGear is never addressed, the way the protests were treated as Horobi spreading ‘malice’ rather than a valid complaint on the part of HumaGear that they feel like they have no rights (bc they don’t, and Aruto never seems bothered by this)… I feel like they were perpetuating that there was ‘nothing wrong w/ the system’ despite repeatedly depicting how there is stuff wrong w/ the system… Like. It shouldn’t have taken them until the mbjr v-cinext to be okay w/ showing that sometimes people are just. Actively bad people. Doesn’t mean all of humanity is evil or anything, but at the same time, we’re also not all ‘good.’ There are bad people who will do bad things, and when humans screw up and hurt others, they should be called on it. Horobi wasn’t wrong in that humans can be a danger to HumaGear and that the system was rigged, but he was too extreme in his way of dealing w/ it and was also having a mental breakdown at the same time. Yes, he needed to be shown that humans were not all evil/that destroying them all wasn’t the answer, but not in the vein of ‘you’re wrong humans are what’s best for us’ but more the Wonder Woman view of ‘you’re right but they can be more than that and they can change’ and then humans had to follow through. And… I’m going off topic again.

Anyway. RxT frustrating af.

[localhorrornerd]

31 Horror Movies for the Halloween Season

Well.. It’s a little bit over 31 bc of sequels and such but it’s a fun title for horror recs! For the record these are in no particular order in like what’s the best or anything! It’s just a list of horror movie recommendations that might get you in the Halloween mood. I tried not to have huge well-known movies on here, but I did throw in a few just because I love them and couldn’t resist. I did try to add small descriptions for each one, but given there’s like 31 movies on here, they are rather short. Either way, hopefully you’ll find one or a couple movies here that you’re interested in!

1. Trick ‘r Treat

A rather well-known one but is it really a list without Trick ‘r Treat? A fun horror anthology with four different stories that connect to each other in some way - including the fact they all take place on Halloween night! A fun one to actually watch on Halloween.

2. Hell House LLC

For the record there are two sequels (Hell House LLC 2: The Abaddon Hotel & Hell House LLC 3: Lake of Fire), however I have not seen either of them so can’t include them here, but if you want to watch them I’d say go check them out! Basically it’s a documentary style type film that follows what happened up to the days a horrible tragedy took place on the opening night of a haunted house attraction. No one knows exactly what actually went down, so the reason for the documentary is to attempt to figure out what truly happened that night.

3. Repo! The Genetic Opera

A horror musical! It’s set in a future where organ failure is extremely common so naturally a huge company comes along and is like “Okay you can have an organ transplant, but you have a huge payment plan and if you can’t pay then we’re just gonna kill you and take your organs back.” Also it has so many good songs would highly recommend if you haven’t seen it (and you can stomach a bit of gore).

4. The Devil’s Carnival & Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival

Another horror musical! And done by the same people who did Repo! For the record The Devil’s Carnival is only about an hour long but the sequel is a full length movie! A short quick explanation is that it’s set in Hell (unsurprisingly) and follows the people who end up there - also during this the Devil is planning an attack - but I’ll let you find out the rest if you haven’t seen it yet.

5. Ju-On and/or The Grudge (Any Film)

It’s my favorite horror franchise, so of course Ju-On was gonna end up on here! Whether it be the original Japanese films or the American remakes, it follows vengeful spirits who were murdered in their home and are taking revenge on anyone who enters.

6. Sinister & Sinister 2

Okay I know Sinister 2 is one not very well liked, but since I have seen it I decided I might as well include it (though I don’t really remember my thoughts on it it’s been a while). Video tapes that contain children murdering their families and a mysterious being that may be at the center of it is the basic plot for these movies.

7. Tragedy Girls

Basically you got two best friends who capture a serial killer because they themselves want to become serial killers! Don’t wanna say too much outside of that, as that is the basic plot concept honestly, but it’s a really fun movie.

8. The Final Girls

A girl dealing with the anniversary of her mother’s death ends up, with a small group of others, stuck in a horror movie that her mother actually starred in. Okay as much fun as this one is it does pull on the heart strings a bit I gotta admit. But it’s truly great and naturally has a feel of an older slasher movie.

9. You Might be the Killer

Another one that’s got that older slasher movie vibe as it takes place at a camp. One where the counselors are getting picked off one by one by a masked killer. Comes in our protagonist, who is calling his friend, who isn’t at the camp and also is a huge horror enthusiast, for help to figure out what to do and maybe figure out what’s going on/who the killer is.

10. Danur (aka Danur: I Can See Ghosts)

A young girl who just wants friends finds them in the form of three potentially paranormal ones. Though it seemingly being just a childhood thing, it actually becomes of great importance as she gets older. This movie also has a sequel, Danur 2: Maddah.

11. Fright Night

For the record I am talking about the remake here, as I have not seen the original, but if you would prefer to watch that one - or maybe even both - go for it! Basically, teen starts to believe his new neighbor is a vampire after more and more people go missing. Also David Tennant is there if you go with the remake so that’s always fun!

12. Tales of Halloween

Admittedly I wasn’t too into this film, but I know a lot of people like it! Not too much to say, it’s a horror anthology with 10 different segments that take place on Halloween! So you’re bound to find something you enjoy within it, whether it be the paranormal, witches, or even just dumb fun horror comedy antics.

13. The Tag-Along

Based on an urban legend from Taiwan, “The Little Girl in Red”, it focuses on a man and his girlfriend. Of which the man’s grandmother suddenly goes missing one day - eventually leading to him discovering clues of a potential unknown little girl who had began following his grandmother around. There are two sequels to this movie as well that I have not seen yet, that being The Tag-Along 2 & The Tag-Along: The Devil Fish.

14. Three... Extremes

Another anthology film that contains three separate stories, each one coming from a different East Asian country. It also has a prequel, Three (or 3... Extremes II in the U.S.), and a full length film made from one of the stories within it, Dumplings.

15. The Hallow

Really feel like the point of this movie is like ‘Don’t fuck with the woods’. As it basically focuses on a couple and their baby, who seems to be the target for the odd things happening to them that seems rather connected to the woods nearby.

16. The Devil’s Candy

A man moves with his family into a new home, and slowly begins to feel as though something is possessing him in a sense. That and also the potential fact his family is being targeted by the previous resident of the home.

17. Wake Wood

Apparently FMA did not teach us not to fuck with the dead enough, so here’s a movie about a grieving couple that lost their daughter who move into a town that holds the power to bring someone back from the dead for only 3 days. Unfortunately like FMA, things go horribly wrong (just not... in the same way as FMA).

18. The Cabin in the Woods

College students go out to a cabin in the woods in which things quickly take a turn for the worst. Seems simple enough, but it’s so much more complicated than that - however I won’t be sharing any of those details for those who haven’t watched it yet.

19. Prevenge

A pregnant woman who’s husband has recently passed away, believes that her unborn child wants her to track down and kill everyone who was involved in the accident. An extremely wild but honestly rather fun time.

20. You’re Next

Home invasion, baby! In which everything goes to hell for a family and their partners when masked killers start trying to kill everyone there. Though things take a turn quick and you start to wonder who is really the ones being hunted down here. (A fairly well known one, but I had to recommend it given one of my favorite characters in horror is in this movie)

21. Kuronezumi (aka Black Rat)

Not too much to say here basic plot wise. Six students receive texts from their dead classmate, they follow as the texts ask and go to the school at night, and then start getting targeted by a killer wearing a rat mask.

22. Lights Out

A family potentially being haunted by a creature that only appears when the lights go out? Plus a whole lot of family drama? Always fun truly! It’s also somewhat based off a viral short film of the same name that the director had made before he got to make it a full length film.

23. Absentia

Absolutely had to put a Mike Flanagan movie on here. One that focuses on a pregnant woman who’s started towards attempting to move on with her life after her husband disappeared seven years ago. However, as she takes a huge step towards doing so, something rather odd happens - which I’ll let you find out for yourself if you choose to watch it.

24. Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Perhaps it’s because it’s the one Halloween movie without Michael Myers, or perhaps it’s because I was blanking out on movies I watched that aren’t extremely well-known, but I felt the need to add this one on here. It focuses on this man who is out to kill children on Halloween by using a line of Halloween masks. So basically another fun one to watch on Halloween!

25. The Barn

Teenagers go to a barn where there’s a supposed curse that can awaken Halloween-themed monsters on Halloween night. What could possibly go wrong? Honestly another one that would be a lot of fun to actually watch on Halloween.

26. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

A really fun documentary type film where it’s set in a world where iconic horror slashers are actually real! And a documentary crew are out to make a movie centered around Leslie Vernon, who wishes to go down in history as another one of the famous slashers. This one is really just *chef’s kiss* to me, very much recommend if you haven’t seen it.

27. Creep & Creep 2

Found footage type films in which we follow people who are hired by this rather concerning man to film him. That’s really all I can say unfortunately without trying to give away too much.

28. What We Do in the Shadows

Another documentary-style type movie! It tends to be more comedic than it is horror, but it follows  a group of vampires that live together! Sort of documenting their lives and how they survive day by day. Honestly it’s so ridiculous and hilarious, and I know many people have seen it by now but I have to recommend it none the less as it’s one of my favorites. Plus, it also has an equally hilarious tv series now that you can also give a watch!

29. The Banana Splits Movie

Who doesn’t want to see the Banana Splits as animatronics that start randomly slaughtering people after the news that their show is going to be cancelled? Honestly it’s really just a fun, ridiculous movie that isn’t meant to be taken seriously. Perhaps something to watch with friends to get in the mood for Halloween.

30. The Last Exorcism

Another one that has a sequel I have not seen: The Last Exorcism Part II. Another documentary style film (Sorry I added so many of these whoops), that follows a reverend who goes around performing fake exorcisms. Things start getting a bit more complicated though when lines start beginning to blur between what is real and what is fake while doing his current “exorcism” he was asked to perform.

31. V/H/S & V/H/S 2

There is also a third film, V/H/S: Viral, however I have not seen that one. Not too much to say here, they’re basically just an anthology of short horror films that are supposedly being shown from VHS tapes.

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[mingtiddies]

prince!soonyoung

genre: fluff, a little funny if you squint your eyes, prince au

word count: 1918

warnings: suggestive, but it’s nothing explicit

a/n: here i come with yet another prince au, one of my favorites bc of how the story goes although i still think it could be a lot better

with everything that’s going on these i also wanna remind everyone to always wash your hands thoroughly, stay home and/only go out when it’s necessary, if you can’t stay home because of your job, please be extra careful, protect yourselves and those around you 💖

● prince soonyoung

● he was living his best life

● bothering prince jihoon every other day

● also to see jihoon’s law adviser

● sometimes going to see prince seungkwan and prince seokmin

● almost never in his own kingdom

● “have you seen the prince?” all over the palace

● all the princes around him seemed to be forced into marriage but ended up finding someone they loved to marry

● prince soonyoung had never thought about his future as a husband and king, seeing as his parents never mentioned a bride to him

● he had never even heard the staff whisper about it

● usually if there was something important to know he could easily find out through the staff’s incessant gossiping

● he had found out about some of his surprises this way

● but nothing ever regarding his non-existent love life

● except for some people saying he was old enough to find himself a bride

● (he didn’t really see the point of it since he wouldn’t be crowned king until his father died, and thank god, his father was very much healthy)

● so imagine his surprise

● when he came home one day from prince jihoon’s kingdom and found you

● he wondered who you were

● you couldn’t be staff because you dressed too nicely

● and you couldn’t be daughter of a duke or of an official because of the colors you wore

● “why is it so hard for your staff to keep you in place?”

● “you really shouldn’t be going around so much in other princes’ kingdoms”

● “a princess?”

● he thought that one out loud

● you smiled and nodded, “princess y/n”

● but why tf was a princess in his palace

● “we should dive straight into wedding preparations, we don’t have much time”

● WEDDING????

● prince soonyoung had thought before about how he would react when his parents told him that it was time for him to find someone to marry

● whether they’d give him a choice of bride, or just force someone on him

● "a wedding? when????"

● "next week"

● what he most definitely did not expect was to find out he was getting married within days of meeting his bride

● ran to find his parents for an explanation

● they didn’t have one

● the king and queen encouraged him to spend all of his free time with you to get to know you

● which was an epic failure

● seeing as our dearest prince soonyoung liked to spent his time out of his own kingdom

● you did the only thing you could do and followed him everywhere to try

● if you can’t beat em, join em, they said

● you ended up leaving the entirety of the wedding preparations to the staff so you could follow soonyoung and try to get to know him as much as you could

● which, wasn’t difficult at all, he seemed comfortable around you and had opened up to you pretty quickly

● “shouldn’t we have gone on dates before getting married?”

● loved to joke around

● it was harmless and cute

● somehow, sometime before the wedding, he had become so much more open to you that you felt like you’d known each other for more than 5 days lmao

● soonyoung was a simple man

● the fact that you followed him everywhere, yet gave him space, kinda made his heart go wild

● he thought it was cute that you tried so hard to convince him to stay home, even though you were with him in another kingdom

● also found it funny because it always failed

● luckily for you when they said you’d get married in 7 days after meeting each other, it meant the festivities would start there

● so like day 1 for guests to arrive

● some princes from the closest kingdoms were invited and they were so shocked that soonyoung was gonna get married all of a sudden lmao

● day 2 was for the press conference, to announce the engagement and marriage

● day 3 was for the engagement party

● which was so weird for both of you because suddenly you were engaged and it felt more real than it did at first

● at some point soonyoung had to stay in place

● day 4 was for the rest of the royal guests to arrive while the royal families had a feast for dinner

● and then came the wedding

● soonyoung was very calm about this

● he trusted his parents to have chosen the right fit for him and the kingdom

● and you had grown on him quite fast

● you had your first official kiss at the wedding

● which made things so awkward for both of you

● almost like best friends suddenly having to kiss and making the friendship awkward

● except you had known each other for like less than two weeks

● but if only that was the worst of it lmao

● because after the part where everyone’s like wooo newly weds

● his parents tell you that you have to consume the marriage

● like right away

● otherwise it gives a timetable to get the marriage annulled and well

● the goal here is for you to stay married

● “wait what?”

● “WHY HASN’T ANYONE TOLD ME THIS? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?”

● it’s a bit hush-hush in the family, only the royal family knows about it

● so like, it’s not even public knowledge

● so now things are even more awkward than they were after the kiss

● because you now have to have sex with your husband whom you have met like 12 days ago

● cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

● the actual worst part of it is having to have someone make sure the two of you consume your marriage

● which used to be done by someone peeping

● but now it’s a medical procedure after

● and then of course you have to go back to the after party

● prince soonyoung tried his best to make things light hearted

● and fun

● despite the absolute awkwardness

● “just pretend we’ve known each other for years”

● “that’s not very hard, you opened up to me so fast that i actually thought we were best friends”

● “okay then uh, pretend we’ve been in love for years then”

● strangely it worked a little better

● the whole thing was still very much embarrassing and if none of you ever mentioned it again it would be too soon

● simultaneously the best and worst experience of your entire life

● (over time you learned to love those moments in bed with him but that’s because you ended up falling in love lol)

● getting dressed was soooo awkward and the room was so silent

● you asked if the test was really necessary and if they couldn’t just take your word for it

● you tried

● soonyoung had gone to change for the after party

● when your test was over you went to change and went back to party

● but soonyoung had waited for you outside of your chambers

● yeet

● the party had just begun and you had to make an entrance as... well...the future king and queen

● prince soonyoung confides a lot in prince jihoon even though jihoon only listens to half of the things he says

● so when soonyoung gets the chance to be away from you for a second and is with jihoon

● he mentioned the bedding ceremony

● jihoon did a double take

● one because “a what now?”

● and two because “why the fuck are you telling me this?”

● and then soonyoung can’t find you anymore lmao

● you’re just avoiding him for the time being

● because well, you met days ago and just had sex hours after getting married

● will you ever not think about how awkward that was?

● no

● with that said once soonyoung realized he couldn’t find you anywhere, he almost alerted the guards

● while trying to hide you spotted who you were told was prince seungkwan’s wife

● you decided you had nothing to lose and asking a prince’s wife advice/comparing experiences would probably make you feel better/less weird

● so after talking a little bit

● and after she clearly saw how nervous you were

● you asked if you could ask a personal question

● more like a few personal questions

● so you asked about her and seungkwan’s first time (not in details)

● also asking if she’d felt weird or awkward or nervous after

● she answered with no problem and asked why you wanted to know in return

● yeet yeet

● so you told her about the bedding ceremony and having met soonyoung days ago

● if that hadn’t just happened to you, you probably would’ve laughed at her reaction

● but it had, so you didn’t

● “is that why you’re asking me? because you feel nervous, weird and awkward?”

● “i guess it’s normal... i mean you’ve only met recently and all of this was forced on you, but i wouldn’t worry too much about it”

● she kept giving you words of encouragement

● and that’s around when soonyoung found you

● “hey i couldn’t find you anywhere i was starting to get seriously worried”

● seungkwan’s wife left you and you realized you’d been kinda secluded and hidden from the rest of the party

● “we haven’t talked since...and yeah...i didn’t get to ask if you were okay?”

● “not exactly the time and place to talk, but i am, i’m okay”

● “even...?”

● he didn’t need to finish because you knew what he meant

● you kinda wished he hadn’t mentioned it, even implicitly

● you nodded and he stared at you

● “you sure you’re okay? your face is turning red”

● you hated how he could make you so flustered without explicitly saying anything

● like nothing had happened

● and your face was burning in embarrassment

● and he was just making it worse

● “are you? we just got married and had sex”

● okay maybe you shouldn’t have blurted it out, out of frustration because it made you more embarrassed saying it out loud

● buuut, maybe his reaction had been worth it

● because now it was his turn to be flustered

● it made you feel a tiny bit better

● he simply nodded in response

● and of course, for it to be funnier to you, you used his own words on him

● “you sure you’re okay? your face is turning red”

● little gap where he just stared at you

● “woah, you’re shameless”

● “I’M SHAMELESS?? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ˢᵃⁱᵈ ⁱ ᶠᵉˡᵗ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ”

● the way you lowered the volume of your voice almost made him laugh

● but you were becoming infuriating

● “WOAH! i can’t believe you had to mention that right now as if you hadn’t told me to not stop”

● there was another gap and then suddenly the two of you burst out laughing

● “this marriage is definitely gonna be okay”

● and you couldn’t disagree

● by laughing it off, the nervousness seemed to lift off your shoulders

● so you guessed you would indeed be okay

● as long as you had prince soonyoung by your side

● and as long as he had you by his

● years from then you both found it so funny

● the next time you got intimate, you called it your first time, saying the bedding ceremony didn’t count lmao

● almost like trying to erase it from history

● you did consider removing bedding ceremonies from being a requirement

● you also promised yourselves to not introduce your child to their partner a week before having to get married

● so either introduce them as teens so they could grow together or giving your child time and opportunities to find someone

● it might have worked for you and prince soonyoung but there was no guarantee that it would work again

seungcheol ║ jeonghan ║ joshua ║ junhui ║ soonyoung ║ wonwoo ║ jihoon ║ seokmin ║ mingyu ║ minghao ║ seungkwan ║ vernon ║ chan

[iturbide]

speaking of ferdinand, i can see him being the linchpin of a potential BE fix-it AU. bc for all of ferdie's occasional pompousness pre-timeskip, he’s absolutely right in challenging edelgard's opinion instead of just being an enabler for her worst impulses. i imagine if she and hubert hadn’t kept him at arm's length during those formative years after The Incident we’d have had a drastically different route.

Oh hey as it happens he is a vital linchpin in my GD-based post-timeskip fix-it fic in progress!! 8D

[[MORE]]

So, for all his faults -- and as much as I love that precious ray of sunshine named Ferdinand von Aegir, he does have flaws, from his overbearing noble pomp to his obnoxious rivalry with Edelgard -- Ferdinand is one of the only people who openly opposes Edelgard in any way.  He has instilled in him a deep-seated belief of what it means to be noble, and feels that it’s his duty to match and meet Edelgard so that if she starts going astray, he can steer her back onto the proper course.  He cares about people, and he recognizes how important it is to understand commoners rather than just deciding things based on assumptions -- let’s not forget, he goes out of his way to bake cakes for Dorothea in an attempt to understand her feelings for him, working to earn the ingredients and making them with his own hands, which nets him not only a few rounds of failures but at least a few burns; and he also explains to Lorenz that spending time in commoner establishments isn’t important because it patronizes their businesses, but rather because it puts them in contact with the people they’re supposed to support so that they can truly understand their needs.  Ferdinand stays in Enbarr at Edelgard’s side trying with all his might to steer their course back, trying to help take care of the people of the Empire who are the first to suffer in war...and at every turn, his opposition is instead dismissed.

But Ferdinand is ever a ray of light, and he maintains hope, for both himself and those around him.  Over the five years, he gives the former Black Eagles the strength and will to continue pushing forward even as things grow increasingly bleak.  Whether they know it or not -- some, like Bernadetta and Dorothea, know it powerfully, while Edelgard and Hubert are completely in the dark -- Ferdinand is the glue holding things together in Enbarr.  But when news arrives that the Imperial outpost near Garreg Mach has fallen, and it seems likely that the next target will be the Great Bridge at Myrddin, Edelgard sends Ferdinand to lead the reinforcements -- ostensibly because he is one of the Empire’s most capable fighters and she trusts him to lead the charge, though she certainly won’t exactly miss not having him arguing her every decision.  Most of the former Eagles are absolutely devastated by this decision, since Ferdinand really is vital to them...so they each give him something before he goes, as charms for luck and safe keeping.

Sadly, the charms don’t seem to work, as Ferdinand’s reinforcements are swiftly quelled and he’s left fighting alone.  All the dark thoughts he’d been trying so hard to keep at bay rush over him -- that this will be where he dies, that Edelgard sent him specifically for that purpose -- and he gives in to that grief and despair, if only briefly, because he knows that if he falls then all the people he cares about and who rely on him, who saw him off with such fear in their eyes and prayed for his safe return with the gifts they gave, will be left all alone in the fights to come.  But as hard as he fights, it’s not enough, and between Hilda’s axe and Lorenz’s spear he’s soon brought to his knees.  As Claude and Byleth approach, he steels himself, determined to meet his end without flinching and swearing that he’ll not offer his neck if he’s to die he’ll die with his head held high...and instead Claude just tells him to chill out before asking him “so hey how’re things in Enbarr?”

Ferdinand is perplexed.  He swiftly insists that he will not betray the Empire by revealing information about their troops or supplies -- and Claude waves it off because no no, he doesn’t want anything like that: he wants to know how things are going for the people.  Since they started rebuilding the monastery to act as a base of operations, they’ve seen a lot of religious refugees coming in from the direction of the Empire.  What’s going on?  And...well, Ferdinand doesn’t see how that could be terribly sensitive information.  So he talks about how nothing is what he expected, nothing is right, the people are suffering and as hard as he tries it seems like there’s nothing he can do to alleviate it because nothing he says, nothing he tries, makes it far beyond his mouth.  And Claude nods, because he had a feeling that was the case...and then, to everyone’s shock, he tells them to let Ferdinand go.

“I’ll not spy for you, if that’s what you imagine!” Ferdinand says.  “My noble heart would never allow such base deception!” 

“...you’re kidding, right?” Claude snorts.  “You’d be a terrible spy.”  All around him, the former Deer nod in agreement.

...after a moment, Ferdinand grudgingly nods, too, because he knows he would be awful, too.

Claude explains, though, that he doesn’t want any favors, he just wants Ferdinand to do what he’s been doing this whole time: keep peoples’ hopes alive.  Things are going to get worse before they get better -- but they want to save as many people as they can, and he believes that with Ferdinand back in the Empire, there will be more people to save than if he falls or is taken prisoner here.  And even though this seems too good to be true, Ferdinand can’t see where the trap lies...so he agrees, mounts up on his horse (refusing Claude’s offer of healing, since it would be far more suspicious if he showed signs of magic healing rather than limping back, and Claude really can’t fault his logic), and heads back to Enbarr where he is instantly accosted by an anxious Dorothea.  As he tries to reassure her, though, who should glide out of the shadows but Hubert himself, and Ferdinand’s life briefly flashes before his eyes because oh Goddess he’s doomed.

“The bridge fell, I presume,” Hubert says, not a question but a statement.

“W-well, you see...t-that is to say...” Ferdinand stammers.

“I thought as much,” Hubert sighs.  “I will inform Lady Edelgard -- Dorothea, see him to the infirmary, and make sure he doesn’t do anything else so foolish as riding from Myrddin to Enbarr without stopping for adequate medical treatment.”

Ferdinand is briefly certain that he died because he has never in his life seen Hubert be considerate to anyone besides Edelgard.  But then Dorothea is tugging him along toward the infirmary and he’s then forced to sit out the fight at Gronder because he’s in recovery (and Dorothea stays with him on orders because Hubert did tell her not to let Ferdie do anything stupid again).  And, as Claude said, things do get worse before they get better: while Edelgard, Hubert, Petra, and Bernadetta all return safe from Gronder, Linhardt and Caspar are presumed dead after Merceus is destroyed, and when the Enbarr finally comes under attack Bernadetta and Hubert are sent out to join the fighting in the streets...but Ferdinand trusts in the promise Claude made, that they wanted to save all they could.  So he keeps his faith, and that unshakeable optimism helps the rest of the former Eagles keep theirs -- and it’s rewarded when the palace is finally stormed: Ferdinand cheerfully surrenders to Lorenz after briefing him on the situation inside, retreats under a loose Alliance ‘guard’...and finds Linhardt, Caspar, Bernadetta, and Hubert, all alive and well (if somewhat worse for the wear, in Hubert’s case, since he’s currently under the influence of Marianne’s Silence spell and Byleth jabbed a couple pressure points to make extra sure he wouldn’t be casting).

Despite being technically a ‘prisoner’ after that point, Ferdinand has free run of the camp and just ingrains himself among them, taking to making tea for everyone once they finally make it back to Garreg Mach to figure out what comes next.  In fact, when Byleth, Claude, and Dimitri come try to talk with Edelgard and Hubert soon after taking up at the monastery again, Ferdinand is right there with them bearing a tray of tea and bustling about making things comfortable.

“...Ferdinand,” Edelgard starts.

“Yes?” he replies as he places the tray on the table.

“What is this?” she asks, clearly meaning the situation that has him siding with the enemy.

“Why, it’s tea, of course!” he smiles, completely missing the point.  “And coffee for Hubert,” he adds, taking a particular cup and putting it in front of the dark mage.  “I thought a nice Hresvelg Blend sounded lovely on such a beautiful day, wouldn’t you agree?”

Claude is laughing silently in the background because the look on Edelgard’s face is absolutely priceless.  Gods bless Ferdinand von Aegir.

[ld200]

I love this blog of yours and I'm really happy there's people out there who are still into DBH! I've been browsing thru fanfics lately and I'm looking forward to reading your fic 'eternal winter' (I'm waiting until it's complete incase you don't end up finishing it) but I'm curious as to what your favourite scene/s in the game are. I have multiple but I'd probably say (one of my 'high on the list' faves) would be after Connor saves Hank and awnsers his questions correctly in CL tower. Thanks!

Oh hey thanks! :D Definitely still into DBH. Fixations tend to hold onto me for at least a couple years lol

Hah, I’m absolutely finishing Eternal Winter (on ao3 anyway; kinda abandoned ffn altogether) but I know I’m not the first one to say that about a story, and I won’t be the last, lmao. Honestly, it’s a huge fic so waiting until it’s done makes sense anyway bc it’s probably easy to forget about the details otherwise

Ooooh favorite scenes HMMMMM this might get long, bear with me

Well, let me at least mention Connor’s end-of-game scenes, for starters. Walking toward Hart Plaza with an army of androids behind him is so damn epic. Doesn’t mean anything on its own, but with everything Connor’s learned and done to get this far, it’s just so fucking satisfying

And then standing up there while Markus speaks, the blizzard in the garden & wondering What Would Have Happened post-game in either scenario (doesn’t escape & Amanda takes over = is he a machine again? reaches the stone & escapes = will it keep happening? is he truly free? etc. this was a good half of why I wanted to write that story to begin with)

BUT I think my actual favorite scenes have to be any and all of those developmental moments that really capture Connor’s character

Connor saving Hank on the roof. The stunned look he turns on Hank when Hank says “You’d have caught him if it wasn’t for me,” as if he’s never considered that anyone other than him can take the blame for something going wrong

On the flipside, the scene you get if you fail that sequence entirely and run out of time... I don’t remember the dialogue EXACTLY but god I loved it when I first discovered it. Something to the effect of:“That shouldn’t have happened. I wasn’t programmed to fail.”“Yeah, well, you fucked up, Connor. Welcome to the club.”I like that Hank doesn’t say it with anger, maybe a little annoyance, but overall it seems like he just thinks it’s ridiculous that Connor’s so upset with himself. Connor’s SO AFRAID OF FAILURE, like. It just permeates the whole game, and I really like that in this version of the scene Hank says something that’s just so humanizing and validating about it

The one scene in the zen garden when it’s pretty late in the game and Connor tries to ask Amanda SO MANY GOOD QUESTIONS that I had been wondering as the player as well, about who made the zen garden, what Cyberlife really wants, Elijah Kamski, whether Connor’s a unique model. etc. Depending on your choices in the story, I thiiiink (but am not sure) that it’s the same scene where he slowly admits to Amanda that he thinks he may be compromised, his LED going from blue to yellow to red as he says it, and then Amanda basically tells him “You’ve been in some difficult situations. It’s okay that you’re troubled. That doesn’t make you a deviant.” (again that’s probably not the exact line) I really like the visible conflict Connor has about coming to terms with it, and the way Amanda seems like she’s in denial of it just like he is

Absolutely fucking everything about the Meet Kamski chapter. I love some of his dialogue choices with Kamski too, he can really bite back. (Come to think of it I like any scene where you can choose options that have Connor in conflict with someone, whether it’s Kamski, Amanda, Gavin, or even Hank.) I prefer the version where he doesn’t shoot Chloe - his worry Hank is going to be upset with him for failing (there’s that again), the defensiveness about why he couldn’t shoot her, Hank’s lil smile and assurance that Connor did the right thing

THAT SAID there is one thing I also really like about the scene after he shoots Chloe: when Hank is all pissed off and having a Hank moment (rightfully so, this time, I mean Connor just killed someone, but anyway) and he moves in like he’s gonna grab Connor or shove him or something, and Connor pushes him back before he can. Again, Hank’s right to be pissed, BUT considering Connor gets literally and figuratively pushed around by almost everyone he encounters in the game (up to and including Hank), it’s nice to see that even a mission-focused Connor is deviant in his own way and will eventually push back. 

The Hug (tm)

“Statistically speaking, there is always a chance for unlikely events to take place” + “Don’t worry. I always accomplish my mission” + the whole marching downtown with an army of androids thing = CONNOR POST-DEVIANCY EXUDES SO MUCH CONFIDENCE and I live for it. You asked about scenes and this isn’t a scene, just a combination of things I like, but now u got me talking about Connor and I can’t stop ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I like the scene you mentioned as well! It’s the culmination of everything Hank sees in Connor, everything he hoped Connor was and could be. And I like it just as much for Hank’s sake as I do for Connor’s - it’s good to see him come to terms with his own shit about androids. And “maybe you’ll be the ones to make the world a better place” is just such a hopeful, charitable thing for him to say given the darker edges of his personality and I’m glad that he maybe sees things a little brighter than they were before. I don’t talk about Hank nearly enough but I really do love him as a character as well and I believe he’s an idealist at heart, even if it’s buried under a lot of grief and outward cynicism

I knew this would get long lol, thanks for asking, there’s so much fan content out there that I haven’t actually thought about the specifics of the game in a while and it’s nice to reconnect with it a bit

[tcmpcral]

full name.  basil

pronunciation. technically BAY-zil but my dumb disney-loving brain defaults to BA-zil lmao nicknames. dumbass, dumb as ass (these are, of course, all lovingly given to him by his brothers) titles.  basil the kicker, ‘our kicking basil’ courtesy of roh height.  5′11-6″

age. 23ish

zodiac. leo languages. whatever language they speak on his planet plus a few others

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  red, white eye colour. black with yellow sclera skin tone.   body type.  very athletic and toned, but a little bit wiry tbh accent.  like majora below, he’d technically have one to an earthling’s ear, but they wouldn’t be able to place it dominant hand.  left posture. confident. has a definite swagger to his gait, and he sometimes tends to lean on one hip when he stands. other times, he simply has a very open, fearless stance scars. what scars he has are covered by fur tattoos. none most noticeable features. the fact he aint got no clothes on >:u possibly his doe eyes, which gives him a markedly more ‘innocent’-looking expression compared with his brothers

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  currently unnamed planet in U9 hometown.  an overpopulated city where it was easy for him and his brothers to ‘disappear’ quite often from under ‘human services’ noses birth weight / height.  he has no idea manner of birth.  just. the usual, i guess :v first words.  it was probably something like ‘bermo’ which was his babyish way of saying  ‘bergamo’ lmao siblings.  lavender, older brother, bergamo, oldest brother parents.  his father died at some point before he was born, so he has no memories of him. his mother either died or was separated from the three around the time basil was one to two years old (which means i need to edit A Thing i wrote recently rip), so his memories of her are fuzzy and nondescript parental involvement.  he was loved by his mother and treated overtly affectionately by her from the time he was born-- however, his time with her was short. from her disappearance on, he was raised by his older brothers, who did their best of course, but likely fell short in various ways

ADULT LIFE

occupation.   ??? whatever it is, it’s not fully legal current residence.  a small apartment with his brothers. thanks to a certain god’s influence, it’s a little more luxurious on the inside than one might expect based on its outward appearance close friends.  uhhh. his brothers. minca, at one point. and probably again eventually. otherwise, he has various. uh. basically casual drinking buddies, so i’m not sure he’d consider them close relationship status.  single financial status.  it’s okay. paycheck to paycheck, but. again, thanks to a certain god, he and his brothers are able to live rather comfortably driver’s license. unfortunately, yes  criminal record.  Yes vices.  impulsive, short-tempered, has a tendency to be irreverent without entirely meaning to (not that he’s not Trying to be, just that he’s not thinking about it), lacks common sense a lot 

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.   he personally identifies as heterosexual but tbh it’s bc he’s only had one girlfriend and hasn’t really thought about his sexuality in great depth. i could honestly see him being bisexual romantic orientation.   ??? preferred emotional role.  submissive |  dominant  | switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role.  submissive | dominant | switch  |  sex repulsed libido.  h-hahaa er. High turn ons.  i don’t. know yet tbh turn offs.  anything too Out There love language.  how do i. explain it. it’s not affectionate exactly, but it would be very obvious to his partner that he likes them, bc there’d be signs like his face lighting up whenever he spotted them in a room, or the fact that he invites them to go with him everywhere, that he’d rather spend time with them than with his drinking buddies, etc. he doesn’t actually do a lot of PDA, i think, bc i tend to see him as being a little more immature than that tbh, but there’d definitely be signs of affection and. adoration there relationship tendencies.  basil, at this point in his life, just wants someone he can have fun with. he doesn’t want commitment, he doesn’t want to think about the future (unless it involves daydreaming about visiting cool places)-- all he cares about is the now, and how he can have fun in the now. as such, he’s drawn toward those with like values and desires, and would be turned off by someone who seemed intent on ‘changing him into a better man’ or something similar

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. here we go again, renegades hobbies to pass the time.  sparring/fighting, drinking, parties, tagging along with his brothers, causing mischief mental illnesses.  avoidant behaviors but lbr mostly none physical illnesses.  none left or right brained.  right-brained fears.  failure, disappointing his brothers, losing his brothers, embarrassing himself in a way he can’t Come Back From self-confidence level.  ehh, tbh, it’s mostly high. he probably gets down on himself at times when he thinks he’s done something exceedingly stupid, but for the most part, he thinks pretty highly of himself vulnerabilities.  don’t. don’t pull his tail, that hurts. his loyalty to his brothers, the secret feelings he keeps to himself about his childhood if anyone ever figured them out tbh, his fears that he really is kind of dumb

full name.  majora pronunciation. MAH-zheruh nicknames. nurse baobei (an old one from shosa that majora absolutely hates to be called in public these days. not that he. loved it to begin with) titles.  has an officer’s rank of some kind? does that count height.  5′8ish

age. Advanced (TM) no sorry i just haven’t decided how he ages compared to humans yet :v

zodiac. capricorn n/a languages. whatever language his planet/region uses, as well as a few neighboring ones

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.  olive green, white eye colour. ???? skin tone.   body type.  slender, slim, but toned. certain joints like his wrists and ankles are very thin and frail-looking, however accent.  he’d have one to an earthling’s ear, but it’d be hard to place dominant hand.  right posture. generally straight, tho sometimes a little slouchy just bc he’s tired. while he was a military nurse, he wasn’t required to complete any kind of military training, so he doesn’t have the perhaps expected ‘soldier posture’ scars. what scars he does have are easily hidden by fur. has a scar on his upper abdomen leftover from a splenectomy tattoos. none most noticeable features. his ears are huuuuge

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.  some planet in U4 lmao hometown.  a currently unnamed city on the coast. presently lives in a mountainous region in the northern part of the country/planet he lives on birth weight / height.  ~6 pounds, ~19 inches manner of birth.  something akin to twilight sleep first words.  it was ‘pig’ bc he witnessed one of his older sisters calling another child the term as an insult siblings.  four other siblings (two older sisters, one younger sister, one younger brother is the baby. he is the third oldest of five, right smack dab in the middle). his eldest sister is deceased. he is mostly estranged from the others and only sees them occasionally throughout the year parents.  Mother: jima Father: rougu, i haven’t quite decided what it was that they did just yet but whatever it was left them rather well-off financially, enough so that they were able to allow their children to pursue whatever interests and hobbies they desired (assuming they were proper, of course). their beliefs were steeped in traditions and conventional wisdom, and these are what majora grew up with and probably still to some degree practices to this day parental involvement.  somewhat negligent once he hit a certain age and was capable of helping with younger siblings and household chores, etc. his parents never were particularly affectionate with him, tho they encouraged certain interests of his (...martial arts, mostly) while discouraging others they felt tarnished his (read: their) reputation. this was especially true as he grew into his preteen and teen years and began showing behaviors they didn’t like

ADULT LIFE

occupation.   retired; former nurse current residence.  lives in a communal apartment setup. he lives at the end of the hall, is able to claim he has the largest room of the floor, and also has a nice little balcony attached to his room as well that he shares with the newly-married couple who live in the room next to him (who i’ve named chuan and cori). he’s quite fond of his living arrangement, despite what he may occasionally say otherwise close friends.  ..........shosa. that’s it. that’s literally it relationship status.  single financial status.  he survives on retiree and disability benefits........ but altogether, it’s not bad driver’s license. doesn’t need one. both. bc the city he lives in is compact enough to be able to walk everywhere and bc. Blind lmao  criminal record.  lots of curfew and truancy violations as a teen fjfiea;g  vices.  proud, aloof, withdrawn, set in his ways, stubborn, self-sabotaging

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.   generally identifies as homosexual romantic orientation.   homoromantic probably preferred emotional role.  submissive |  dominant  | switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role.  submissive | dominant | switch  |  sex repulsed libido.  middles toward low, even when coupled, but he’s not repulsed by any means turn ons.  ....like basil i’m. not entirely sure yet turn offs.  treating him like a doll?? does that make sense, listen he might like to dress up but don’t treat him like a mannequin. and don’t take advantage of the fact that he can’t see what he’s putting on, that should be obvious. Anything without his permission, ignoring his discomfort if it comes up, not letting him know what you’re doing before you do it gdi love language.  kinda stiff and awkward in the beginning, but he softens up soon enough. he never does get to be the type who is outwardly affectionate and forthcoming about his feelings, and particularly in public, will seem very distant and cool to his partner, but he is definitely the sort to enjoy being around a partner and seek their company quite often, whether it’s to accompany them about the town or simply to relax at home

relationship tendencies.  truthfully, romance just isn’t on his mind much these days, but he’s always gravitated toward those that he could spend time with and not necessarily worry all the time. he’s not like basil and wants only to live in the present, but he does need something or someone to ground him in the present, or he thinks himself into a nervous frenzy about the future, particularly nowadays at his age and at his level of dependence on others. he worries occasionally that he’s too much of a burden, and that his efforts to decrease his status as a burden only exacerbate it

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. cleopatra hobbies to pass the time.  fishing, listening to music/the radio, playing music occasionally (usually when he’s been left in charge of kids and they’re being little hellions rip), going to see plays and operas (even if he can’t appreciate the sets or costumes anymore, he can still enjoy the stories and acting, he supposes) mental illnesses.  none tbh physical illnesses.  some kind of anemia (think pernicious anemia), which results in fatigue and body aches, compromised immune system left or right brained.  left-brained mostly fears.  death, losing another sense, various small fears related to his blindness and his resulting vulnerability, being helpless/a burden, convalescent homes self-confidence level.  relatively high to moderate while he keeps his independence. when he makes mistakes or otherwise flubs up bc of his blindness, it tends to crash a little vulnerabilities.  his fear of both dying and debility/helplessness, frequent refusal to accept help, obviously he. uh. can’t see, tho his other senses help him out to some degree there, 

[sagexbrush]

keep your head up (i’ll lay my heart down)

or read it on a03

From: Unknown Number 

[9:30 AM]

hey so do u maybe want to talk about tonite?  

To: Unknown Number

[9:31 AM]

I think you have the wrong number.

From: Unknown Number

[9:32 AM]

wait so you’re saying this isn’t kayla?

To Unknown Number

[9:33 AM]

No, this isn’t Kayla. Looks like someone gave you the wrong number.

“Is Amy texting someone?” Gina asks loudly, peering over Amy’s shoulder.  She always has a habit of popping up in the most unexpected places. 

Amy jumps about a foot in the air and promptly shuts her phone in the nearest possible drawer. 

“On her personal phone?” Gina adds, helpfully. The personal phone was something that Gina and the others never ceased teasing her about. At first, they’d thought Amy was hiding something from them until she told them the reasoning behind it. 

She had gotten the advice from her first ever Sergeant. 

“You ever want to survive this place?” The older woman had said, “then keep two phones. That way you know if it’s a personal emergency or a work emergency.”

Amy considers that woman (wherever she may be) to be her first ever mentor, so of course she had two phones. That way she could also keep her work line clear for a real emergency. Except that her coworkers seemed to think it was hilarious to send gifs of kittens in the group chat instead of actual crime info (thanks so much Jake).

“It was just someone who had the wrong number,” Amy says quickly, before she can really think about it. 

“Oh Amy,” Gina says, shaking her head slowly. “You say that like it was supposed to make it sound better.” 

Amy makes a face at her. 

That’s when Jake approaches them. He doesn’t have the perp he was chasing down with him, so Amy assumes that his bust didn’t go quite as perfectly as he’d bragged. He’s holding his (solitary) phone and frowning down at it. “What are we talking about?” 

“Amy’s pathetic life,” Gina supplies helpfully. 

“It is not pathetic - “ Amy protests but Jake merely nods like this is a factual statement. “I can’t stand any of you people,” she says, spinning her desk chair around. 

“Gina I think you gave me the wrong number, are you sure this is what - “ 

“Jake, I am not your personal assistant.” 

She doesn’t check her personal phone until later that night. Really, maybe Gina is right. Amy is pathetic. She has a phone for work and a personal phone, and half the time she forgets that the personal phone exists. The wrong number text had been a surprise, for god’s sake. It was perhaps time to resort out her priorities. 

There’s only two messages: one is a text reminder from her doctor’s office and the other one if from the unknown number from earlier.

From: Unknown Number

[9:34 AM]

no no, i wasn’t trying to hit on kayla. kayla is my dad’s gf and she was supposed to tell me when he’s next flying thru.

Amy shouldn’t text back. Pathetic, Gina’s voice says in her mind. 

Ha, Amy thinks back. I’ll show you. I can have a conversation with someone outside of work that’s not family or Kylie. 

To: Unknown Number

[8:02 PM]

Sorry for assuming things. Sorry about Kayla. Sounds rough.

From: Unknown Number

[8:10 PM]

ah no you’re good. for the record tho, the ladies love me. 

To: Unknown Number

[8:11 PM]

Have you ever heard of humility?

From: Unknown Number

  [8:17 PM] 

only nerds know big words like humility

To: Unknown Number

[8:20 PM] 

That’s not even a big word.

From: Unknown Number

[8:22 PM]

send me a big word 

To: Unknown Number

[8:24 PM]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

From: Unknown Number

[8:30 PM]

i see what u did there.

One failed case and a day later: Amy feels like throwing something at a wall. Or maybe something out a window. Or herself out that window. Or Jake. Yes, that’ll do. She’ll throw Jake out a window. 

“Do you want something Peralta?” She snaps, when she notices Jake is staring at her instead of filling out his arrest report. His successful arrest report, because of course he was successful today. (She’s conveniently forgotten about his failure yesterday.) 

“Only to ask if I should evacuate the premises because you look like you’re about to melt something with your laser eyes.” He’s clearly trying to be funny, his mouth quirked up in that infuriating smirk. Even his posture speaks of relaxation, leaned back with his shoulders slumped. Lucky him.

“Oh shut up,” Amy snaps. It’s harsher than she usually is with Jake and he recoils slightly in surprise. She allows herself to feel exactly two seconds of guilt and then refocuses on the task at hand. She can do this. She’s a Santiago, after all. 

Her concentration lasts for about three more seconds until her phone buzzes. 

From: Unknown Number

  [1:42 PM]

i realize this is a weird question to ask bc we’re not really friends but r u a girl? 

From: Unknown Number

  [1:42 PM]

not in a creepy way. i need advice on a girl situation and all my other girl friends know too much.

Amy looks up. Rosa and Charles are out on a stakeout, Holt is securely in his office, Terry is filling out his paperwork and Jake is texting someone on his phone. Surely no one would mind if she did some texting of her own. Jake wasn’t the only one could bend the rules. 

It’s with a sort of defiance that she continues their conversation. 

From: Unknown Number

[1:43 PM]

if it makes it seem less creepy, ur name is mary poppins in my phone.

To: Unknown Number

[1:44 PM]

You saved my number?

From: Unknown Number

[1:44 PM]

i promise i’m not a creeper you just seemed like a nice person to talk to

Amy hesitates, before adding his number as a contact into her phone. She looks for a moment at his real number…it almost looks familiar? She brushes that notion aside, it’s not like she knows that many people’s numbers. She’s barely memorized her mother’s. 

Besides, she was a cop. If this person tried to pull anything with her…well he’d find out the consequences the hard way. Amy Santiago wasn’t someone who could be messed with. 

To: Creeper?

[1:46 PM]

Okay. Shoot me your question.

From: Creeper?

[1:46 PM]

this girl i like is really upset today and i’m just making it worse. what should i do?

Ah, just Amy’s luck. The only boy who’s been even remotely talking to her out of work likes someone else. She changes his contact name almost immediately to something more fitting the circumstances

. If this was a romantic comedy, Amy would be the quirky one that both of the love interests loved as a friend.

(The character that usually ended up alone.) 

(AKA, story of her life.)

To: Lover Boy

[1:48 PM]

Ask her what’s wrong once she’s cooled off a bit. If it’s something you can help with, help her with it. If not, just give her some space. 

She shuts her phone in her desk drawer after that. She takes a few deep breaths while massaging her temples. The case file in front of her looks like absolute gibberish and that’s not even considering the fact that the perp got away. That she practically let him get away with her sloppy detective work. She goes to get another cup of coffee, even though it’s probably a bad idea at this point. It’s something warm to hold, at least. She couldn’t imagine the level of teasing that would ensue if she started drinking hot chocolate on the job. 

“Hey Santiago?” Jake looks a little less relaxed than before, but that infuriating smirk is never truly gone. She’s only seen him angry once, and that was when a police officer was trying to help his friend escape persecution. (She had been surprised to see that he did, in fact, have a range of emotions.) 

“My lasers have been deactivated,” she mumbles. “In case you were wondering, you don’t need to evacuate.”

“I was actually just going to ask if you need any help? Not that you’re not a perfectly capable detective, but a fresh pair of eyes might be of assistance?”

She’s too frustrated to note his adult vocabulary, instead disturbed by how much this appeals to her. It’s not a bad idea. It feels almost insulting to accept Jake’s help but… well for once he didn’t look like he was rubbing it in her face. He almost looked like he genuinely wanted to help. His entire posture is open, eyes almost sparkling a little bit. 

(Maybe she needs five more cups of coffee. With shots.) 

  “Sure,” she says, handing him the case file. “I had a lead on him this morning, but he got away. Now I have no idea where he could be hiding out.”

“It says here his favorite restaurant is the burger place by that seedy gas station?” Jake frowns. “How did you get that information?”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Amy says. “I asked the staff and they hadn’t seen him for several months. He’s been on to us at every turn.”

“Doesn’t mean that it still can’t be a good place to start,” Jake says, standing up. “Besides, you can buy me dinner after I solve your case.” It’s accompanied by a blinding smile, which Amy can’t help but return. 

“Oh in your dreams Peralta,” Amy rolls her eyes. “Just because I’m letting you ‘help me out’ doesn’t mean you get to take all the credit for the literal months of work I’ve put down.” 

Two hours they find the perp in a gas station near the burger place almost entirely by accident. He doesn’t get away again because Jake is blocking the other exit, slamming him down into the ground and grinning up at her.

“Looks like you owe me dinner,” he says, as he fastens the handcuffs about the perp’s wrists. 

Sometimes she forgets that police work is intended to have two people at all times. (That, and sometimes she forgets just how good of a cop Jake is.) 

She forgets to check her phone until she’s almost about to go to bed, head aching with exhaustion from the day. 

From: Lover Boy

[2:05 PM]

it worked. thx.

To: Lover Boy

[10:13 PM]

You’re welcome. Did you ask her out?

From: Lover Boy

[10:15 PM]

its kind of complicated bc i like her a lot but she hates me? idk. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:16 PM]

I doubt she hates you. You can’t always predict what people are thinking. Maybe she’s just pretending to hate you. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:17 PM]

maybe. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:18 PM]

I’m not going to get arrested for talking to you, am I? 

From: Lover Boy

[10:19 PM]

not unless ur committing a crime. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:20 PM]

im realizing now u meant other things. i’m thirty three. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:21 PM] 

I’m twenty-nine.

To: Lover Boy

[10:25 PM]

I was thinking, if you wanted of course… I could help you with this relationship with this girl? You don’t need to tell me any personal information or anything, I could just give you advice. If you wanted it.

From: Lover Boy

[10:27 PM]

your contact name has officially been changed to fairy godmother.

To: Lover Boy

[10:28 PM] 

Ha ha. You can tell my more about this dream girl tomorrow, then. I have to be at work early. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:29 PM] 

gnite fairy godmother

“Oh wow,” Gina says. “The personal phone is out on the desk today. Does that mean you’re waiting for a gentlemen caller?” She’s leaning against Amy’s desk and Amy is really trying to focus on this paperwork. She just needs Jake’s signature now. 

“Maybe,” Amy says, trying for elusiveness. 

“Oh honey,” Gina says. “Nice try.”

“Whatever,” Amy says. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t you have work to do?”

“Oh but this is so much more interesting,” Gina says. “Why don’t you let me try and set you up with someone again?”

“Last time you tried to set me up it was a nightmare,” Amy says. “My dating life is just fine, thank you very much.” 

Really, her dating life consists of binge watching Netflix TV shows and sad dates that her mother sets up for her. Gina can’t know that. Neither can Jake, who’s leaning across his desk to listen in on this conversation. 

“Are you waiting for a text from a boy?” he asks.

“Oh my god,” Amy says, cheeks burning. She slams the phone in her drawer. “Happy?” 

Gina saunters off. Jake scoops up his car keys and turns for the door. 

“Before you go,” Amy says, determinedly not looking at him, “I need you to sign this.”

He signs it way more quickly than she would have done, but he doesn’t leave right away. He lingers, his presence almost more of a sound than a sight. 

“Hey,” he says suddenly. Amy looks up. “I didn’t mean to - I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well great job,” Amy says in that sweet voice she reserves for true annoyance. This time the guilt lingers for slightly longer and then, “Sorry. I just don’t like how my dating life is a constant source of amusement for everyone.”

“I wouldn’t say constant,” Jake says, winking. “Just occasionally. Charles? You ready?”

She’s still glowering at her computer when she hears her phone buzz inside her desk drawer. She waits until Gina is securely in the break room to text anything back. 

From: Lover Boy 

[11:15 AM]

how do u tell if a girl is really annoyed or she’s fake annoyed

To: Lover Boy

[11:25 AM] 

Context clues, I guess. Were you teasing her about something she’s self conscious about?

“Loveeeeer boy?” Gina croons, appearing from seemingly nowhere. Amy jumps about a foot in the air.

“Have you heard of such a thing as privacy?” Amy hisses. 

“There’s no such thing as privacy when you’re holding your phone like that,” Gina says. “You’re practically asking for someone to look over your shoulder. Who’s Lover Boy, huh?” 

In hindsight, maybe Amy should have picked a different name for this mysterious man she’s been texting. Then again, it came with it’s side benefits. 

This next moment is one of the most satisfying moments of Amy’s entire career. 

“None of your business,” she tells Gina, and shuts the phone back into the drawer.

She waits until she’s off of work to look at her personal phone (mostly to rub it in Gina’s face when she can’t get anymore gossip than she needs) and spends as long as possible reviewing her brother’s latest message about his daughter’s preschool project before she goes back to their conversation. To show herself that she’s not attached to the situation, nope. Not at all. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:30 AM]

well she’s kind of self conscious about herself w/ other ppl sometimes. our colleagues tease her a lot and i kind of jumped on board w/ it sometimes.

You and me both, Amy thought. Turns out she had more in common with Lover Boy’s girl than she thought. 

From: Lover Boy

[2:30 PM]

according to my friend she’s apparently seeing someone else now

To: Lover Boy

[6:32 PM] 

Who?

From: Lover Boy

[6:33 PM] 

idk. she won’t tell us. we’ve teased her about past bfs.

To: Lover Boy

[6:34 PM]

Does she ever tease you back? Seem to enjoy your interactions?

From: Lover Boy

[9:45 PM]

srry i was drowning my sorrows. or am? the night is still young.

To: Lover Boy

[9:50 PM] 

Wow, giving up that soon?

From: Lover Boy

[9:51 PM]

no no no. ive liked thsi girl since like what feels like forever

From: Lover Boy

[9:51 PM]

i mean she’s like perfect. u know? smart and funny and pretty

To: Lover Boy

[9:52 PM] 

Then why are you getting drunk right now?

From: Lover Boy

[9:52 PM]

bc shes dating someone else again

To: Lover Boy

[9:53 PM]

Again?

From: Lover Boy

[9:54 PM]

ppl r always trying to set her up w/ some boy. idk y, but now ive missed my shot

Amy’s curled up on her couch with Harry Potter playing in the background and feels less lonely for whatever reason. It’s nice to feel like there’s someone else out there that could be completely failing in the romance department. 

For whatever reason, she really wants Lover Boy to succeed. Every rational thought is telling her that growing weirdly attached to some boy through text message is a stupid thing to do, but at the same time she couldn’t imagine giving up the easiness that’s sprung between them. It’s simpler than any friendship she’s had before. 

To: Lover Boy

[9:57 PM]

You don’t know that yet. There’s always a chance, and you can’t give up just yet. Tomorrow you should tell me more about her, when you’re sober. 

She goes to bed at a reasonable time, but it still takes two alarm clocks to wake her up. She has five drunk texts from Jake on her work phone which she ignores, and instead focuses on the personal phone.

From: Lover Boy

[1:30 AM]

okay did i tell you that she smells like dreams

From: Lover Boy

[1:30 AM]

dreAMS mySTERY INTERNET WOMAN

From: Lover Boy

[1:45 AM]

she also is like rlly funny. did i say that? nobody else thinks shes funny but i could listen to her talk all day long

From: Lover Boy

[2:30 AM] 

do u know how to delete messages from someone elses phone?

To: Lover Boy

[6:45 AM]

What did you send her?

She barely scans through the texts from Jake (something about smelling meadows? What was it with boys and their noses?) before she texts him back. 

To: Jake Peralta

[6:50 AM]

You sure you can handle coming into work? Need me to take over your cases?

She’s feeling overwhelmingly cheerful today. One, true love is possible (look at Lover Boy and the girl that was like her) and she was going to get to watch Jake Peralta with an extreme hangover all day.

She makes a strong cup of coffee and settles in to watch the morning news.

From: Jake Peralta

[7:35 AM] 

dont b ridiculous santiago in ur dreams

She rolls her eyes and begins to plot all the ways she’s going to make his hangover life miserable today. It involves loud noises, revolting smells, and a particularly irritating case that she thinks she can get Holt to make him work with her on.

Although, she has to admit that she’s impressed he’s awake this early. Maybe he hadn’t slept at all? 

Her personal phone buzzes. Finally, something she’s interested in. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:36 AM]

false alarm, she didnt read into it

To: Lover Boy

[7:38 AM]

I wouldn’t worry about. My colleague drunk texts me all the time. Including last night.

From: Lover Boy

[7:39 AM]

hav to sympathize w/ him i feel like death. were his drunk texts as good as mine?

To: Lover Boy

[7:39 AM]

No. He’s just an idiot, really. Probably will roll into work half an hour late because he was sleeping with some random person from the bar. He always does this. I just wish he’d stop sometimes and give me a break really. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:40 AM]

why do you care so much

Amy freezes. She’s too distracted to even notice that he didn’t use those childish abbreviations for once, her heart stopping in her chest. He’s absolutely right of course: why does she care? She does, in some weird part of herself that she hasn’t examined before. 

She really, really cares that Jake was probably out having a one night stand the night before.

From: Lover Boy

[7:43 AM]

srry if that was too forward. hangover

From: Lover Boy

[7:47 AM]

w/ this girl i like, i kept trying to deny it over and over again. it took me years to figure it out bc emotions are confusing and i still dont know what she means to me. so if ur going thru a crisis im here.

(Texting back feels like an acknowledgment, so she ignores it.) 

She is almost late to work, breezing in about the same time as Jake. He, predictably, looks like death. Which she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care that the shadows under his eyes look as if they could swallow him whole, doesn’t care that his hands appear to be shaking slightly and for once he looks nervous. 

“Amy,” he says, before they can leave the parking garage. Why did they have to arrive at the same time, today of all days?

Not that it mattered.

Lover boy doesn’t know me.

“Yeah?”

“I was hoping you could give me some advice,” Jake says, scratching the back of his head. “You know. Because you’re wise and all that.” 

“What kind of advice?” 

“How to talk to someone advice. I think I said something wrong this morning, but I like talking to this person, and I don’t want to screw everything up -”

Amy bristles. She was sure he had probably said something wrong to whatever person’s bed he had rolled out of this morning. Well, she wasn’t about to be apart of it. Not that she cared. Amy Santiago didn’t care. 

“Look Peralta,” she snaps, “I’m not about to start mixing our personal and work lives because you screwed up with someone you met when you were drunk off your mind. And also? Stop drunk texting me. It’s not cute. I’m sure you did say something wrong, so maybe you should just apologize instead of talking to other people about it.” 

She stomps off, not even registering what she’s done until they’re in the morning briefing and Jake still isn’t there. 

“Has anyone seen Peralta?” Holt asks. Amy’s about to say that she has seen him when he stumbles in. He looks almost no different from this morning, but weirdly…damp?

“What happened to you?” Rosa demands.

“Splashed some water on my face,” he mumbles. “You know. Reopen the senses.”

“And you needed to soak your hair because…?”

“I was really tired, okay?”

“Enough,” Holt barks. “We will get back to the matter at hand…”

Amy approaches Jake approximately three hours later, when she feels like she can’t stand it anymore. She had been unfair, she knew she had. She was just…upset. For whatever reason. A reason totally unrelated to whether or not she cared. (Of course.) 

“Jake,” she says. He looks surprised and she reminds herself that she should probably use his real name more often. “Look, about earlier…”

“I get it,” he says. “Sorry. About overstepping personal and work. I just didn’t realize I was working with two Rosas.” 

“I’m sorry,” Amy says again. “I just had a rough morning. I took it out on you.”

Jake smiles at her. “You’re forgiven,” he says. “Now, can you go and be loud somewhere else? My head feels like it’s filled with nails.”

(She makes sure to drop a stapler onto the floor less than five minutes later. Just because he’s made her feel guilty didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little fun too.) 

From: Lover Boy

[8:15 AM]

idk what i messed up but shes rlly mad at me. drunk texts apparently a bigger deal than i thought. and i rlly didnt mean to offend u earlier, im sorry. 

From: Lover Boy

[12:10 PM]

jk. we’re golden fairy godmother. false alarm. but i rlly hope you can forgive me for what i said earlier, it was crossing a line. 

“Who’re you texting?” Jake asks. 

Amy looks up at him. It’s rare that they take their lunch breaks together, but their schedules synched up and now she has a closer proximity to Jake than she thinks she wants to. From this close, she can see each line around his eyes that radiates when he smiles. She likes his smile, but that’s more about his mouth than him. 

Lover Boy was ridiculous, she thought. Ridiculous. She didn’t like Jake Peralta. 

“A mysterious fellow,” Amy says.

Jake raises an eyebrow. “More mysterious than the dude with the mesh underpants?”

“How did you hear about that?” Amy demands. “I told Gina that in confidence.” 

“Hey - I’m just proud of you Santiago. It turns out you’re more exciting that I thought you were.”

“Title of my sex tape!” Amy says. “HA! You can’t take back that now!” 

Jake bursts into laughter and Amy thinks about how she likes how it shapes his eyes and mouth. About how she likes how it shakes through his entire frame and makes her stomach feel all warm and fuzzy. About how maybe she hopes that she could do something that would make him laugh like that again. Anything to make him laugh like that again.

Oh shit. 

To: Lover Boy

[7:15 PM]

Okay, so earlier you may have had a point. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:18 PM]

welcome to my personal hell

From: Lover Boy

[7:20 PM]

but maybe we can help each other? w/ this romantic hell i mean

To: Lover Boy

[7:22 PM]

That sounds like a good plan. Although I’m still not sure if this is anything. It might just be because you planted that idea in my head. I need to sleep on it. 

Knowing that she likes Jake is like knowing there’s a ticking bomb in the room. One, he thinks she’s dating Lover Boy (as does everyone else in the precinct) and two, he’s an idiot. How could she like him? This was not an Amy Santiago thing to do. Liking Jake Peralta wasn’t an Amy Santiago specialty.

Of course, Holt it sending them on an overnight stakeout together. Of course. It’s as if the universe decides the most proper way to make fun of her is to shove her into Jake’s face at every ample opportunity. 

To: Lover Boy

[9:30 AM]

We’re going to be spending an extended amount of time together for our job. Help.

From: Lover Boy

[9:31 AM]

tell me about it sis. i swear, my boss is out to kill me. like we often work together but this is a more personal thing…

To: Lover Boy

[9:32 AM]

Same here. Honestly. How do you think I should act around him?

From: Lover Boy

[9:33 AM]

be urself but w/ a dash of flirting

Hours later they’re sitting in the car and Amy can feel the ringing silence between them like it’s a real, tangible thing. How did you cross this bridge? The bomb is ticking louder. Amy is really, really terrible at keeping a secret. 

“So,” Jake says. “How are you and Lover Boy?”

Yes. First order of business. To clear up whatever Jake thought was happening between her and the mysterious ‘Lover Boy’.

“Will you please not tell Gina this?” Amy asks.

“Uh-oh.”

“I’m serious. I want to see you nod. Okay. I was never really dating Lover Boy. It’s just a name I gave this dude as an inside joke. Seriously. There’s nothing between us.” 

It was the easiest explanation anyways. It doesn’t even really feel like a lie. Sure, Lover Boy doesn’t know what his contact name is, but Amy doesn’t think he’d mind anyways. 

“Oh,” Jake says. “I won’t tell Gina.”

“She would have a field day with it,” Amy says. Her personal phone buzzes.

“Oh wow,” Jake says, slipping his phone into pocket. “Taking the personal phone on a work date? I mean stake out? I mean occasion?”

“Why are you being weird?” Amy asks, rolling her eyes. “And yes. This is the number my mother contacts me at.”

Jake laughs, and Amy likes the sound too much to care that it’s directed at her own expense. 

From: Lover Boy

[8:45 PM]

SHE SAID THAT SHE’S NOT DATING ANYONE

To: Lover Boy

[8:46 PM]

Be yourself with a dash of flirting. ;)

From: Lover Boy

[8:47 PM] 

was that a winky face?

Amy smiles and puts her phone away. Okay. Time to get her flirt…on? She tucks her hair behind her ears and turns to Jake. She could do this. Flirting she meant. Flirting was something that she, as a grown badass woman, could do. 

Liking Jake wasn’t something she could put in a list. She couldn’t make a list of all the things she’d say to him because he was simply Jake. He refused to be contained in a list like all of the other boys she’d had a thing for. (Maybe that was a hint of something more.)

He smiles back at her. “Why do you look so happy?”

“I don’t know,” she says, a bit too loudly. “Don’t you love stake outs? And hanging out with people? Friends?”

“Amy,” he says.

“Sorry I’m being weird,” she rambles.

“Amy - “

“I just don’t know how to say - “

“Amy,” Jake hisses, “It’s our guy.” 

To: Lover Boy

[11:27 PM]

That was a fiasco.

From: Lover Boy

[11:28 PM]

omg tell me abt it. maybe were doomed to be alone.

To: Lover Boy

[11:29 PM]

I don’t know. Maybe I overthought this and I don’t like him after all. You kind of planted that idea in my head.

From: Lover Boy

[11:30 PM]

well, what do u like abt him?

To: Lover Boy

[11:31 PM]

He makes me laugh. He’s actually a really good guy.  I really, really like the way he laughs. I don’t know to explain it. With everyone else it’s like they fit in this nice little box, but he exceeds all my expectations. I don’t know, I just came to this realization yesterday. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:32 PM]

i think you just answered ur own question, o wise one.

To: Lover Boy

[11:33 PM]

What went wrong on your end?

From: Lover Boy

[11:36 PM]

our job got in the way of us hanging out. plus i think she was trying to tell me something and i had to be a good person and do my job damn it

To: Lover Boy

[11:40 PM]

Sometimes that’s the best thing. You could always reach out to her. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:41 PM]

maybe. i think she’s asleep.

Amy’s about to turn in herself, but her work phone buzzes.

From: Jake Peralta

[11:42 PM]

i liked hanging out with you santiago.

Amy falls asleep smiling. 

(She forgets to tell Lover Boy about the text.)

“Santiago!” Jake’s third jelly bean gets her attention, mostly because this one hits her straight in the forehead. She’s trying to avoid him while she tries (and fails) to come up with a way to say, hey by the way I really like your face and your body and your hands okay? If she was Jake, she’d probably just say something like romantic stylez and make sure that the Z was plain and clear. 

“Seriously, Jake?” 

Before he can answer that question, Gina comes between them with the worst timing ever. 

“Amy - I have someone to set you up with!” 

Amy glances up. “What? I thought I told you I didn’t want to do anymore of your pity dates.”

She had confessed to Gina that she hadn’t been dating anyone named Lover Boy, and she had been unbearable ever since. Just because Amy wasn’t dating anyone, didn’t mean that she didn’t want to. 

“You don’t need to tell me you need it,” Gina says. “I know.” 

“If I do this, will you get off my back?” Amy asks. “Like for real Gina. I’m tired of you being on my case.” 

“That was a great detective pun, I’m very proud of you,” Jake says. He’s watching their entire exchange with the typical Jake Peralta attention span. Which means that he’s currently trying to build a small tower of jelly beans and barely listening to anything else. 

“Do you think I should go on this date?” Amy asks him. She isn’t sure why she’s asking him. What does she want from that? Him to say no? (Yes, her traitorous brain answers. Maybe Amy Santiago has a deeply romantic side after all.) 

“Do what you want,” Jake shrugs. Amy feels something like bitterness curling into her stomach. That’s stupid she thinks. You shouldn’t feel anything at all, she thinks. It’s not like Jake knows or anything. It’s not like he has any right regardless to tell her who she should and shouldn’t date. 

What a stupid question for her to ask. 

“Fine,” she tells Gina. “I accept your date.”

She’s going to put her all into this date, even though it’s the last thing she wants to do. That means heels and that dress Kylie swears makes her figure look like a hundred bucks. It means making her hair look like a goddamn cascading waterfall. 

To: Lover Boy

[7:20 PM]

I may have made a mistake.

From: Lover Boy

[7:23 PM]

oh my god me too. shes going on a date and i acted like i was okay with it! who am i

To: Lover Boy

[7:24 PM]

Well I actually am going on a date and he actually didn’t care that I was going on a date at all. So I can tell you right now that’s not the right approach. It sucks. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:25 PM]

do u think its worth the risk of just telling her how i feel. i dont even know if she likes romantic revelations

To: Lover Boy

[7:26 PM]

Probably. You seem like you love her a lot, and she’d be crazy not to love you back. Go get her. (And it’s hard to imagine anyone who doesn’t like romantic revelations.) Besides, if you truly fail there’s always alcohol. 

If only Lover Boy was in love with her, she thought wistfully for a moment. She couldn’t help but wonder what it felt to be loved like that. Whoever this girl was, she was lucky. She hoped that she realized that too. 

She’s going to be twenty minutes early but decides it’s ultimately worth it. It’s better than staring at her phone and waiting to see if everyone else had a happy romantic ending without her. What was next, her ‘single as a Pringle’ brother declaring that he was going to actually settle down? 

Maybe she and whoever Gina had set her up with could go on a double date with Lover Boy and his girl. She locks her apartment door tightly behind her before stalking out with purpose. Jake Peralta aside, she was going to have nice time. 

From: Lover Boy

[8:12 PM]

i missed her. shes already on this stupid date and idk where it is

From: Lover Boy

[8:13 PM]

like sorry to rant but also not sorry bc she’s absolutely my dream girl and now ive missed her forever and goddamn it. bc im sure whoever her date is will see that too.

Turns out, a nice time isn’t entirely possible. Amy’s in the bathroom, trying to escape her incredibly awkward date. Apparently Gina thought that just because Amy was a nerd that she’d be into…well… the sort of nerd that generally needed to move out of their mother’s basement. The kind of nerd that needs to learn how to take a shower. 

She’s frustrated. She feels like screaming because she wishes that she had been going on a date with Jake and doesn’t understand why. Or maybe she understands too much why. 

He’s her partner. She’s known him for years. She doesn’t need to worry if he’s hiding some weird secret from her because she knows almost everything about him. She knows more about his life than some of her brothers. She knows his favorite movie, how many books he’s read, what he likes to do to relax and the face he makes when he’s not. 

How could you know someone that well and still like them?

To: Lover Boy

[8:14 PM]

How do you know she’s your dream girl?

From: Lover Boy

[8:20 PM]

she’s smart and not afraid to back down from a challenge. shes such a dork and literally even the way she scrunches her nose is cute i swear. usually i tune out whenever someone starts to talk about books but literally i could listen to her talk all day and i dont understand y. she keeps me on my toes. i know like everything about her. 

To: Lover Boy

[8:21 PM]

It sounds like that should be pretty obvious.

From: Lover Boy

[8:23 PM]

my friend rosa says its a miracle nobody else knows yet. apparently i am v obvious.

Amy’s plotting on how to escape from the restaurant but freezes. Rosa? Her brain begins to make a frantic connection that she can’t quite comprehend. 

Don’t be ridiculous, she tells herself. Lots of people have friends named Rosa. It’s not like it’s a weird name. 

To: Lover Boy

[8:25 PM] 

You never said what you did. Maybe it’s the stress of the job that’s throwing her off?

From: Lover Boy

[8:26 PM]

im a detective

Oh god, she thought to herself. Oh. My. God. It was Jake. Lover Boy was Jake Peralta. It had to be. How many detectives were there that had friends with the name Rosa? That, and all the times she’d texted Lover Boy and seen Jake pull out his phone - 

She pulls out her work phone and clicks on Jake’s contact, pulling up his phone number and comparing the two. They’re exactly the same. 

“Oh shit,” she whispers to herself. “Oh my god. I am the worst detective.” And seriously, fuck the two phone rule. That is probably the stupidest thing she’s ever done. 

Embarrassingly, she began to cry. Well, this was the end of her stupid crush on Jake Peralta. He was obviously desperately in love with someone from the precinct: maybe one of the cops from downstairs? It wasn’t like she paid attention to Jake all the time. 

Of course it was never going to be her. Why would it be? 

From: Lover Boy

[8:27 PM]

do u think i should try again w/ her?

Amy hastily wipes away a tear. If there’s one thing she’s proud of, it’s her stellar moral compass. First, she changes his contact name. Then she rewrites the knowledge of this in her brain and promises herself that she can leave this restaurant with dignity.

If liking Jake Peralta wasn’t apart of the Amy Santiago Brand, getting her heart so brutally destroyed by him certainly seemed to be. 

To: Jake Peralta

[8:30 PM]

You should go for it. You deserve to be happy. 

She means this of course. She’d always scoffed at this in movies: just tell him how you feel! In the end, it’s not that simple. It’s not worth complicating a good friendship because she might love (like her brain frantically corrects) him. 

She ditches her date and doesn’t even feel guilty about it. Sue her. She’s heartbroken, she thinks. She deserves to treat herself. Instead she grabs a cup of her favorite hot chocolate from the cafe on the corner and plans on tucking into her bed with her favorite Harry Potter book.

She’s even gotten to the point where she’s kicked off her heels and is holding them by their straps. She’s pretty sure her mascara is smeared all across her cheeks and her hair is tangled but who cared? She was being self pitying. Even the barista had given her a discount when she’d seen her approaching.

“Rough night?” She’d asked and Amy had nodded. A rougher night than anyone had intended, really. 

She thinks at first the person sitting outside her door is Kylie. It takes her a few seconds to realize that it’s not her because A, she hadn’t texted Kylie and B, it was obviously a guy. 

Which is why she’s instantly mortified when her brain makes the connection and finds Jake Peralta sitting outside of her apartment. He’s dressed in his usual work ensemble and looks really put together compared to her. 

“Jake?” she squeaks. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m - are you okay?” He asks as he takes her in. He stands immediately and reaches a hand toward her to what? Comfort her? It simultaneously soothes the raging nerves and enrages then. Amy nods, feeling her chin wobble slightly like it does when she’s about to cry. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jake asks. “Did something go wrong on your date?”

Everything, she wants to say. Then she thinks: what is the point of pretending anymore? “Did she say yes?”

“Did who say yes?”

“I’m your fairy godmother apparently,” she says bitterly, pulling out her phone and waving it in his face.

“What?” 

“You know, when you were trying to text Kayla? You were texting my personal phone,” Amy says. “I didn’t know it was you, because we didn’t tell each other our names but yeah. It was me.” 

“That was - that was you?” 

“Apparently,” Amy says. “Did the girl you like say yes? Let me guess, it was Sandra from downstairs -” 

“Sandra?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Amy says. “I’m chill, bro. You know. Chill.” She takes a sip of her hot chocolate and promptly burns her tongue. Smooth she tells herself. Wow. How are you even single? 

“Well how about you and your mystery man?” Jake demands. “Was it Chad?”

“Chad? My mystery man,” Amy scoffs.

“Well then, who was it?” he crosses his arms over his chest.

Damn it all to hell. She was done with not burning bridges for the sake of maintaining awkward friendships.

  “It was you, you idiot.” 

Jake’s eyes go wide. “…Me?”

“Yes,” Amy says. “I know. Whatever. We can just go back to forgetting about it now and I’m officially only going to have one phone now - “

“But Ames - I was talking about you.” 

She blinks. Her brain is moving sluggishly. She can’t quite comprehend what he’s just said to her. When she finally gets around it to it she opens her and mouth and closes it several times.

“Me?” she finally stammers. 

“Yes, you,” Jake says. “Oh my god. We are the worst detectives ever. It’s official.” He’s smiling for whatever reason, as if this is a massive joke. Was it April fools day today? She couldn’t remember. 

“But you can’t like me!” Amy protests loudly. 

“Oh I do,” Jake says. “I like like you Amy Santiago.”

“But all those nice things you said about her - “

“Were about you,” Jake says. “I swear. I swear on my reputation as a detective.”

“About me?” She asks, feeling another tired tear escape from the corner of her eye. 

“And all of your texts - those were about me? Including the ones where you said I was an idiot?”

“I think we’re both idiots,” she says, rubbing her forehead. “Oh my god. We may as well hand the best detective title over to Rosa or Charles.” 

“Might as well march over to Holt and turn in our resignations now,” he says, and despite herself she’s laughing. She’s laughing, laughing, laughing. So hard that her stomach feels like it’s about to burst and then he’s laughing too and both of them are careening toward each other like magnets. It ends with Jake’s mouth being awfully close to Amy’s and Amy’s chest being awfully close to his.

“I’m crazy about you Amy Santiago,” he says. “For real. And all of those things I meant, I meant.” 

It’s not eloquent, but Amy wouldn’t want it any other way. 

She remembers to drag him back into her apartment before she kisses him, real and properly. 

(Later, she says it back. “I’m crazy about you Jake Peralta. For real.”) 

To: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago

From: Gina Linetti 

[11:30 PM]

if you guys aren’t together by now I’m going to riot. Also Jake, I have Kayla’s real phone number when you want it. If you want it. (She seems like kind of a bitch.) 

To: Gina Linetti and Amy Santiago

From: Jake Peralta

[11:31 PM]

DO NOT TELL ME YOU PLANNED THIS

To: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago 

From: Gina Linetti

[11:32 PM]

i told Amy i had the perfect guy for her. 

[gayneral]

All those flowers, my dude

First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)

Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June

Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:

Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama

Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”

Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water

I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment

Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.

We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.

Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too

Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.

Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing

California Poppy: Height?  I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff

Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March

Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far

I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)

Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.

I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.

If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.

Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order

1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,

2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.

3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me

4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this

5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music

6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light

7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.

8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again

9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.

10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one

Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A  big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”

And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had  any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.

Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.

Onions: Tell about your dad.  I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.

My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.

When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.

In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.

My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could

When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.

I miss my grandmother

Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy

Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”

But I’m not sure, not really

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/

I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it

Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family

Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often

(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)

Generally happy, not having to worry too much

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.

[gibzy]

heyyy I just realized like a billion of yall have been liking/reblogging that really bad kam fanfic i wrote like pre-quarantine so i’m just gonna put one of my more recent writing thingies under the cut if you want to read something with actual flow and descriptions qwq

so! you decided to read this, thank you! it’s a short story I wrote in like two days this week bc my english teacher gave me an opportunity to write fiction and obviously I was frothing at the mouth to write anything other than an essay. so. we had to write a hero vs monster story, which is pretty vague, so I had some alien eldritch fun with it. enjoy!

-----

Evelyn prefers the dark.

It’s not anything important, really— just a liking for the serene embrace of a quiet night. Things are bright too often, she often thinks, in this overwhelming world of fluorescent office lights and LCD screens. Intensity is not something she has ever been good at dealing with, so when the opportunity to just exist in a low-lit space presents itself, she takes it.

Which is exactly why she’s biking down the street at two in the morning.

The wind rushes through her lungs as she eases off the pedals down a hill, cold and bracing in the moonless winter night— or day, technically, but the distant flicker of headlights on the top of an overpass being the only thing close to celestial radiance for a long while, it’s close enough. Her hair whispers against the tops of her ears in the breeze, the sound not unlike tussocks of dry grass brushing against each other. She sighs. Her hair looks like dry grass, too, actually, if it was colored violet by a woefully inexperienced hand. 

More thoughts weave their way through her mind generally akin to that one; pointless, but more positive. Grounding thoughts. She’s too tall for this bike now, but it’s still fun. Her eyes are light grey— maybe that’s why she’s so sensitive to light. The road is smooth and easy to ride; must be recently paved.

She’s trying not to think too much about where she’s going or why she’s going there, lest the anxiety seize her heart again. It pumps with blood now, and not pain, and that’s how she intends to keep it for as long as possible. 

Trees lining the road wind just as much as it does, twisting and knotting in an organic symposium of leafless branches. They’re barely visible against the sky, a charcoal-gray to its inky azure. A gentle susurrus of cicadas and frogs drones quietly on, accompanied by the ambient clicking of Evelyn’s bicycle spokes. It’s not any warmer at the bottom of the hill, shielded by vegetation, even bundled in a sweatshirt and jacket. She shivers. She’s not sure if it’s from the cold or the slowly growing trepidation.

She can feel it stirring. Predictable, sure, but unsettling nonetheless. It sparks as she rounds the familiar bend, an entropic, feral sizzle of energy and panic. Good, she tells herself. Good, this is supposed to happen. But even so, her fingers tighten around the handlebars. 

The road grows rougher and rougher until it cracks into glorified gravel, a confluence of pebbles and weeds. She squeezes the brakes as the bike begins to bump across the sharp stones and hops off. The rocks peter off into the woods. 

There’s a moment where she just stands there, frozen. Does she go? Can she go?

But she shakes her head— of course she can. She came all this way to get here, and there’s no way she’s going back without resolving at least a little of whatever this is. She flips down the kickstand of her bike, and with a fortifying breath, she sets off into the thicket.

It’s an odd place, really.  Used to be a townhouse development, decades ago, abandoned for no reason other than the fact that there were other, better places to live. Nature had reclaimed it years before Evelyn had ever discovered it, and yet everything there was and is eerily stagnant. No animals rustle in the underbrush. No bugs buzz through the air. The only trees, though tall, are all in various stages of decay, so she supposes it’s rather vibrantly alive, but it's a different energy than she’s used to. She moves slowly. Ducking under branches, stepping over the occasional touch-tone telephone, and squinting through the darkness for the clearing that lays beyond. A flashlight would be very useful at this point. She brought her phone for that purpose, actually, but it feels wrong for her to use it now. Like it would summon the thing too soon. 

So she trudges on, her heart pounding in her chest. It’s calm here, but the mere anticipation of it thrums in her blood. There’s no shoving the thoughts down now, with such a material reminder surrounding her. She grits her teeth as another gelid blast of wind whips past her, and begins to try to organize everything scrambling around her head.

Okay. One: it calls itself Consterlevus. A fairly egotistical name, if you ask Evelyn— anything that purposefully puts latin roots in its name just to sound important is annoying on principle. 

Her foot plunges through a soft, rotting log, and her pulse spikes again. It’s fine. It’s fine.

Two: she doesn’t call it a monster. She did, at first, but she learned quickly that ascribing such universally known characteristics made it even more confident, which she learned even faster was very, very bad for her.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket. Not now. Not now.

Three: it’s probably easiest to kill it physically. She can hurt it, and she has, many a time, but it just slinks back to the burning place in her heart where it likes to fester. She needs to defeat it quickly, before it can retreat. A switchblade weighs heavily in her pocket. A last resort, to be sure. She’s not looking for a dangerous confrontation, but when it comes to that— if it comes to that, she corrects, looking for at least a shred of hope— she’s prepared.

At last, she can see the glade. It seems illuminated, somehow, despite the new moon, but when she blinks, it’s dark once more. She jogs towards it, nervous impatience vibrating through her skull like a plucked chord.

It’s exactly as she remembered it. A small field of unkempt grass and weeds, surrounding a pond, dotted with small water lilies. She hasn’t been here in years— three? Four? And yet it’s completely undisturbed. She laughs to herself. Of course. Consterlevus can’t handle anything less than perfection.

She hesitates for a moment, unsure of what to do. It had kind of been a spur-of-the-moment, last straw sort of decision to come here, The thing has a flair for the dramatic, though, so she spreads her arms and calls up to the sky. “Well? You’re always around, where are you now?” 

There’s no response other than another spark of energy in her heart. She rolls her eyes. “I know you’re here. It’s no mystery that you’re the one making me all, y’know,” she says, pointing at her chest, “panicky.”

A resonating grumble fills her mind. The voice seems split in two, speaking the same words in different tones. One, a shrill, tremulous warble, and the other a deep, jarring rasp, like a coyote with bronchitis. She had found it horrifying at first, an unnatural harmony of something utterly alien to this world, but now it was just irritating.

From her chest, a sinuous, winding light spills onto the ground, sinking into the tangle of untended, shin-high weeds. It slithers through them, sending harsh shadows beyond the reach of its blinding corona. It draws the reflections it creates on the water into itself, swelling and shuddering until it coils itself into an identifiable shape. Its body is lithe and quadrupedal, resembling a panther. Its head, long and rounded, bears the visage of a snake, and when it opens its mouth to hiss, it reveals the  sickle-like fangs of a lion. But the most disturbing thing about the creature is its eyes— or lack thereof. 

Though the entire being is made of intense, writhing light, upon its forehead is a tight spiral of absolute darkness; the kind of darkness only achieved in the far reaches of space. It is massive, dominating the majority of the clearing. She squints, eyes watering as it draws itself to its full height. When it opens its mouth to speak, viscous, pearlescent saliva drips from its jaws, rippling on the surface of the pond like gasoline in a parking lot puddle. “You think you may simply summon me at your whim, mere mortal? I have knowledge of realms far beyond your own, power you could never fathom, thoughts—”

“Aw, no hello, Connie?” 

It snarls. “My name is Consterlevus, and you will address me as such, you insolent human!”

She crosses her arms, trying to shove away the pounding distress that grips her heart like a vise. Eldritch entities are nothing too bad. She’s familiar with this one, who has been her unwanted companion for years. Ever since she visited this place, it’s been a parasite in her brain, amplifying the existing anxiety in her head. Terrifying, at first, but she’s exhausted after so many failures at banishing it. And she doesn’t think straight when she’s tired. This thing could literally be eating dimensions if it wasn’t trapped on Earth, powers tamped down by the planet’s very nature.

She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind. Focus. “Right. Anyway, you need to pay your rent. It’s, like, really overdue.”

It lowers its neck, bringing its face— if you can call it that— closer to her. “I beg your pardon?”

“Your rent. You’ve been living in my brain or heart or something for at least three years, and all you’ve done is severely worsen my anxiety disorder and convince at least one person that I have schizophrenia. I’ve been a very lenient landlord.”

It makes a piercing rasp she supposes could be interpreted as a scoff. “Are you attempting to jest at your predicament, human? Many have borne my curse before, and none have survived.”

She sighs. “Look, dude, it was a really lame metaphor, I get it. I’m just lowkey a little freaked out.”

It puffs out its chest, raising its head towards the sky. “Of course you are. My abilities known no bounds. My presence permeates your very soul. My—”

“Okay, okay! I get it, you’re an unfathomable cosmic entity beyond my most vivid nightmares or whatever. Now, if you’re not gonna stop whatever you’re doing with my brain, I’m gonna have to kick you out myself.”

It cocks its head, claws extending as it flexes its paws. “Was that a threat?”

She exhales loudly, exasperated. “Duh! I came all the way to the place where I had the absolute pleasure of making your acquaintance with a knife and an ultimatum. I’ve been way too passive all this time, and I can’t stand it a second longer. So what’ll it be?”

Consterlevus bears its teeth. “You are passive. You never tell anyone your opinion, do you? You let it fester in your mind, and then you tear yourself apart for being such a coward. Sure, they all think you are nice, but you never express any real emotion.” It swells, its neck curving down and around her neck, searing her skin. “But it is all worth it, is it not? Being so worried about what other people think. It matters, it really does, in this world. You may hate yourself for it, but you’ll succeed.”

“No!” The cold air condenses her breath into a warm mist, billowing from her mouth like the smoke of a dragon. “That’s not true. I can be nice to people without sacrificing my own needs! The fact that you convinced me otherwise is your fault, not mine, and I’m done blaming myself for everything. I feel detached from everyone because I’m not sincere with them! Not everyone will like me, and that’s okay, because it’s more important to be myself!”

Consterlevus sloughs off her shoulders, neck limp as it slithers back towards its body, a wholly unsettling movement. It shrinks in size, now about even in height with Evelyn. “You cannot possibly think that is true,” it hisses. “Everyone preaches acceptance and love, but few uphold it.”

“Well screw all of the people who don’t! I don’t need their approval; I can be happy with the people that are actually decent human beings!”

It growls, slinking closer. “No, no, do not delude yourself with these lies—”

She draws the switchblade, driving it fervently into the center of the spiral upon its forehead. “They are true! They have taken me years to figure out, but they are true. You have infested this planet long enough, Consterlevus. Be gone!”

It shrieks, a piercing sound that sends ripples through the water. It dissipates into shards of light, flickering like embers of cold white fire until it eventually disappears. 

The panic in her heart fades, and she lets out a sob of relief, falling to her knees. It’s over. It’s gone.

She hugs herself, smiling through the tears, and as she looks up at the jet-black sky, she knows that now she can truly direct her own independence— truly accept its serenity.

[thetactilepope]

Lessons in Thermodynamics: Chapter 7

{Previous Chapter} | [Chapter Index] | {Next Chapter}

A Matter of Pride

Thirty-one days until winter break

Friday

 Momo sat in the restaurant booth, surrounded by her friends, feeling relaxed and happy. She wasn’t totally at ease, but as she laughed along with Kyouka and Hagakure at Mina’s jokes, it was tempting to forget she had a deadline hanging over her head and that in almost exactly four weeks, her fate at Yuuei would be determined.

“I needed this, especially after everything that happened.” Frowning at the thought, she remembered her visit with Todoroki’s mother, and then his confession about his scar, the frankly disastrous study session afterwards, and his abrupt departure.

Most of her Saturday had been spent replaying that moment on the sidewalk over and over in her head, trying to figure out what to do with her newfound insight regarding Todoroki’s past.

In the end, she hadn’t been able to settle on any course of action, a dissatisfactory outcome, even if things had worked out in the end.

“Our meeting on Monday could have gone better,’ She mused, fiddling with the straw in her milkshake, ‘that’s for certain…”

---

“Yaoyorozu-san, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.” Todoroki had said, cutting her off before she could finish her apology.

Momo sighed, shifting the papers in front of her around, “Then stop treating me like I do.”

He seemed perplexed by her words, utterly unware of the tension between them.

“Just… Never mind, let’s just get started,” Fuming, she opened the novel, resigning herself to the silence.

---

They only managed to go through around half of the assigned chapter, thanks to her partner zoning out every few minutes. It had irritated her to no end, but thankfully, she hadn’t had to endure many sessions like that.

Kyouka, after listening to her problem, had been the one to suggest simply explaining her feelings to Todoroki clearly. It was a solution she’d overlooked, and one that allowed them to return to the easy camaraderie she enjoyed.

“What’cha smiling about, Yaomomo?” Mina asked, a mischievous grin stretching across her face, “Someone finally capture your debutante heart?”

“What?” Despite her efforts to retain her composure, her cheeks began to warm as she attempted to rebuff the question, “N-No, it’s nothing like that. I was just remembering…”

Mina leaned forward eagerly, grin growing wider, “Remembering… what?”

“Yeah, tell us!” Hagakure clapped, as she mimicked Mina’s motion.

Glancing at Kyouka, eyes pleading for an assist, Momo struggled to think of something innocuous to say, that wouldn’t pique their interest

“I saw… a-a… a cute cat the other day,’ She offered weakly, ‘While I was… walking to the store with Todoroki.”

“AHA! I knew it!” The gleeful exclamation was accompanied by a squeal of surprise from Hagakure, and stifled laughter from Kyouka. Shooting her best friend a look that demanded ‘how could you?’ Momo suddenly wished she hadn’t taken the seat by the window. It meant exiting early would be far from a graceful affair.

“You an’ Mr. Hot-and-Cold have been spending an awful lot of time together recently.” Mina began, her pointer finger tapping on the table to punctuate each point, “Not to mention how secretive you’ve been about that fact.”

“Furthermore, you’ve been actin’ awful jumpy in class. As if there’s something on your mind. Yeah, there’s no doubt about it, Yaoyorozu Momo, you…”

Momo stiffened, fearing the worst. She had tried so hard to hide her failure from the class, but she should have realized that she wouldn’t be able to forever. No doubt her friends would be hurt by her secrecy.

“You’re dating Todoroki-kun! Right, right?” Hagakure said brightly, interrupting Mina’s string of observations.

Indignantly, the pink-haired girl crossed her arms, “Hey, I was getting to that!”  

“They just think we’re dating…” The thought was accompanied by a wave of relief, which quickly turned to embarrassment as the accusation sunk in.

With her cheeks approaching the colour of her hero suit, Momo considered what to say. On one hand, it would be incredibly presumptuous of her to buy into the lie. But correcting her classmates would most likely involve fessing up about her failed test…

“I could just… not say anything.” She thought, her hand clenching under the table, bunching up a small section of her skirt, “Todoroki and I are so far from involved like that, denying it isn’t necessary.”

Even in her head, the words rang hollow, tinged with the familiar fear of failure. As she finally rolled her eyes at Toru’s remark, Momo plastered an easy-going smile to her face, pushing all the doubt to a far-off corner of her mind.

She’d just have to deal with this later.

…

Once she was back at the dorm, Momo was eager to return to her room.

“A break with my friends is nice’, she sighed, ‘but I can’t blow off homework. Not completely, at least.”

Climbing the steps, she paused near the top, her attention caught by the sounds of a not-quite-peaceful discussion.

“C’mon, man, just tell us!” Kaminari’s voice whined, carrying down the hall.

The next voice that spoke brought a frown to her face, “Yeah! What’s the deal with you and our babe of a vice-rep?”

“Mineta. Ugh.” God forbid she make it to her room without getting harassed once.

“Deal? What do you mean by that?” Todoroki’s calm tone responded, but she could tell his patience was wearing thin. She could practically picture the disinterest on his face.

Kaminari sighed, and then continued, “Dude, are you guys, like, together? You’ve been hanging around each other a lot, an’ I-’

There was a sound like an elbow connecting with a kneecap, and a grunt of pain from the blond, as well as a loudly muttered ‘Ow!’

“Sorry, we,’ He stressed the word, ‘don’t wanna step on your toes or nothing. Considering you could probably destroy us.”

The silence stretched for longer than was comfortable, and the temperature seemed to drop noticeably. Momo held her breath, hoping her study partner wasn’t about to tell them anything.

“Yaoyorozu-san is more than capable of doing that herself, you know. Destroying you, I mean.” Todoroki spoke with confidence, and she could clearly envision the set of his jaw, “And besides, my relationship with her shouldn’t matter more than her own feelings.”

A crackling sound filled the air – that chill hadn’t just been her imagination, then – accompanied by exclamations of surprise.

“Please, take Kaminari! This was all his idea!”

“Hey! It was not, you gremlin!”

A pause, and then the electricity user spoke again, “Uh, no need to start freezing things, Todoroki. We’ll just… be going, then. Sorry to have disturbed you.”

Suppressing a laugh, she turned the corner just in time to see the two other boys disappear up the stairs, bickering about whose fault the incident was, and observed Todoroki using his left hand to melt a patch of ice on his doorframe.

“Oh, Yaomomo,’ He turned to look at her, ‘how was everyone? Did you have fun?”

“When did he start calling me that?” She wondered, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Not that she minded. It was nice, the way he had warmed up to her.

With a shrug, she made a so-so motion with her other hand, “Everyone’s a little stressed right now. But, yes, I did have fun. You… should come with us, one of these days.”

His answer was simply a non-committal huff, but one that meant he’d consider it. She knew Todoroki still felt awkward around many of his classmates, but was making strides to be more social.

Still, Momo couldn’t shake the lingering memory of the conversation she had listened in on.

“I heard what you told those two.” She confessed, “Thank you.”

He smiled softly, shaking his head, “Ah, it was nothing. Just the truth.”

“Well, I appreciate it nevertheless.”

Fumbling for other conversation topics, she asked if he was going to be ready for their session on Monday. After an assurance that he would, she bid him goodnight, finally returning to her room.

…

Homework nearly complete, Momo glanced over at her phone as it buzzed yet again, finally catching her attention. She stood up from her desk and grabbed it, before sprawling onto her bed with a huff. Her phone had practically blown up with notifications.

“I hope nothing happened.” Usually, it only got this busy the night before a test, as many of her classmates asked last minute questions.

The messages, and there were a lot of them, were from a group chat Mina had set up, one that was used to plan things like that afternoon’s outing. Momo was tuning in just in time to catch the middle of a conversation.

{Class 1-A Girl Power!!}

∞ girl [whaaaat? yaomomo and todoroki are really dating??!! FOR REAL??!]

pinky <3 [YEAH!! i asked her today lol!]

[she was p tight-lipped about it tho…]

hijacks [c’mon yaomomo never actualy *said* they were] [haga-chan, back me up!]

see-thru [i mean…]

[Jirou is kinda right?]

pinky <3 [*hmph* w/e she just doesn’t wanna admit they’re really together] [bc she didn’t know either] [ >8P ]

hijack [hey mina] [🖕🖕]

pinky <3 [ily 2, boo ;)]

∞ girl [deku says todoroki hasnt mentioned anything abt this?] [also that kaminari and the purple one were gonna check w/todoroki]

[he’s gonna ask around see if anyone else knows]

hijack [uraraka] [urararararaka]

[YOU TOLD MIDORIYA???]

∞ girl [oh]

[oops]

Several people are typing…

 The only reason Momo cursed out loud was because she let her phone drop out of shock, hitting herself square in the forehead. Not because it would take a miracle to prevent the rest of her classmates from latching onto the rumor about her and Todoroki.

Definitely not that.

With a groan, she rolled over, burying her face in her pillow, muttering muffled by the plush fabric, “Perfect, absolutely perfect.”

To join the group chat now would be like jumping into a shark tank with an open wound. Extremely awkward, to say the least.

She wracked her brains for a solution, but was too drained think of anything, “We’re definitely going to need to meet before Monday, and figure out what to do…”

“Yes, having yet another private chat with Todoroki would certainly go a long way to clearing up these suspicions,” Her doubtful side deadpanned, “Nothing flawed with that logic.”

With another groan, she pushed her face deeper into the pillow, “I just want to pass the test, is that so much to ask?”

There are twenty-four days until the Retest.