#anger makes it hot

[jobujabu]

I find it fascinating how I can learn so much about myself and yet know so little. For the longest time being swayed to believe I was merely the product of my parents and their problems, to later discover I had my own problems, and then to subsequently realize that I am the problem. The age old adage of I am my own worst enemy and critic, and no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. I've spent my lifetime thus far as a doormat because other people and their happiness came first, I wanted others to like me, love me, and I was willing to go to any lengths in order for that to happen, yet it only ended up separating me from finding my own happiness, how I could find my own ways to make me happy. Well, now here I am on another side of my story where I have the opportunity and knowledge to begin making myself a better and brighter person, only to find setbacks in feeling guilty and shame for disregarding others' needs. I wasn't raised with confidence or self-esteem, I was given a voice and told to keep it quiet. How odd that I have found one yet continue to remain hushed and gentle, only for my emotions to bubble over and explode into screaming and rage when I can't keep them down or hide them any longer. The strangest part is... I'm so sad. I'm so sad over the death of a former sense of self, that reassuring feeling that that person got me to where I am today and survived through all of it, the torture coming from both outside and in. It's disheartening knowing I'm this completely whole ass new person who's walking around and interacting like some adult infant because this life on the other side is now so brand new, as I waddle around and try to taste and sense and feel things in such a brand new way. And I can feel that old part of me looking through in some spiritual looking glass afraid for when I stumble, and fearfully saying no no no- don't do that, you'll hurt yourself! No no no- you can't do that, it's not for you! I have to show that part of myself the love it deserves, but I also have to be strong for the person I've become today, but I keep on fucking everything up. I know that's fine, and I know that's normal, but why does it feel so bad? Maybe it feels bad because I haven't quite figured out yet that making other people happy does make me happy, but I have to do it in my own way that benefits the new me, the new baby adult version of me. I'm ranting and rambling at this point, the best part being I feel I can do this here because it's shouting into the void. Still, maybe just maybe some one can relate, if they can decipher my wingding words. All in all, I've suffered too much to continue suffering by my own hand, and there are people in this world that I love so much that I'd be willing to do anything for them and want to do just that- which means if I have that love for them, then within is the capacity to love myself so much that I'd be willing to do anything for me.

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[martyrbat]

rip to bruce but if i fumbled her i would literally kill myself

[cult-of-the-eye]

save me butch wolverine...save me...

[shrikeseams]

You know what, while I’m being irrationally angry about how people interpret fiction differently than me, I would also like to rail against the interpretation that the Long Siege was passive, and not an active attempt to regain the silmarils.

CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THINKING THAT HUNDREDS OF YEARS OF SLOW GRINDING WARFARE IS PASSIVE. CAN YOU? It’s like saying that Gondor was passive and ambivalent about Mordor because they didn’t succeed in taking it out. BAFFLING.

Like, please stop and spend like, two minutes imagining how things would have gone for Beleriand if the sons of Feanor had pulled a Luthien. If they just snuck in to Angband, snatched the silmarils, and the fucked off out of the war effort forever because they got theirs.

How long d’you think it would take for Morgoth to flood forces through the entire eastern frontier? How long d’you think it would take until Doriath was actively under direct siege, without convenient Noldor buffer states on their flanks?

For that matter, how long do we think it would take for Morgoth to reclaim the silmarils, with the sons of Feanor get them without defeating Morgoth first?

How long do you think DORIATH would keep their silmaril, without the majority of the exiled Noldor standing between Doriath and Morgoth???

Luthien (and Beren) can do what they do because Luthien does not, as far as I can tell, actually take any interest in the well-being of the vast majority of people living in Beleriand. She is not a queen. She doesn’t seem to take any interest in politics. She doesn’t seem to take any interest in the well-being of the people of Doriath or Nargothrond, either! Luthien can get in and get out because she needs one (1) sparkling rock to convince her boyfriend that he can marry her honorably. She doesn’t need to worry about direct pursuit because she has the exiled noldor and her mom standing between her (and everyone she cares about) and the war.

THE SONS OF FEANOR DO NOT HAVE THAT LUXURY. If they want to claim the silmarils in a way that doesn’t fuck over everyone in their faction by drawing  direct, targeted attacks from Morgoth, they need to defeat Morgoth first. That is the only way for them to claim the silmarils sustainably. They are actually pursing their goal in the slow, safe, smart way.

[shorthaltsjester]

i do not want to dig a hole but i am too much of a laura bailey pc enjoyer to not make this post so:

selfishness ≠ a lack of kindness 

selfishness is a theme that has come up with all of laura's main campaign pcs. that doesn't mean that her characters are always making selfish choices or that they don't care about the rest of the people they're with or that they're not good. it's just that, for the most part, the first thing they're thinking of when they take action or make choices is themselves. 

in jester and vex both it is more typical and obvious selfishness. vex's developed because she needed it to keep herself and vax alive and as safe as possible and it grew into a behaviour that she had to actively work to avoid. it's evident in her greed, her theft of the broom, her reaction to her own death which relied heavily on i'm okay/i survived to which keyleth reminded her that she wasn't the only one who had to witness and reckon with her death. in jester's case, she grew up in an environment that literally trained her to make every decision based on two things - her mother's opinion and her own. so, when she's out in the world without marion for the first time, her choices are those that will benefit her and her actions are those that consider her own thoughts and not really many others' (aside from the traveler's). 

it isn't a criticism of either vex or jester to say that they are characters who act selfishly. in fact, i'd argue that to claim otherwise does a great disservice to exactly how immense both of their character arcs are. because the nuance of both jester and vex is that they are selfish, and they also hold extreme room for self-sacrifice and empathy. vex is much more brash than jester is, and jester is much more trusting than vex, but both of them are characters who begin with selfish impulses who grow with them. neither ever truly shed those impulses, but they use them in new ways, typically transforming them into impulses towards things that are in the best interest of the party. 

you may have noticed the lack of imogen in this post about laura bailey pcs and that's because of two reasons. one, we are an unknown amount of time into her story, i can't analyse her development the same way i can vex and jester's. two, imogen's selfishness isn't the blatant quasi-self-aware selfishness that we see in things like jester complaining about her lack of money to caleb or vex stealing a broom. instead, imogen's is very internal, like a lot of laura's character work with imogen. it is a bit similar to jester’s in the sense that it comes from a lack of awareness moreso than vex’s practiced behaviour, but imogen’s is a lot more tied to inherent beliefs she has about the world and the people in it.

as a consequence of her powers, imogen sees people's thoughts as their entirety, she holds it above their actions to be the truth of who they are - to act against what they think or to say something that doesn’t cohere with what they’ve thought is akin to lying, so for her to act empathetically is to act in tandem with what someone else’s thoughts are, not how they act, which is typically not all that wanted. the same as vex’s greed and jester’s naivety, this is a trait that makes narrative sense and it’s one i find quite compelling, especially when read in the vein of someone struggling through trauma that has made them assume that the world is against them. imogen’s cynicism is coherent cynicism, i can’t say that in a similar situation i wouldn’t have the same predisposition towards the world.

the part that is particularly self-interested comes in if you look at how imogen has actually been treated in the campaign (quite well) in comparison to the cynicism that she’s developed from her past (something that speaks to a world out to get her). certainly, a bunch of shitty things have happened to imogen in the time we’ve known her, but the same can be said for everyone in bell’s hells and pretty much everyone in exandria at this point in time. but, in a fight to save the aforementioned world, imogen’s focus was getting her mother back on her side. which, while very consistent with her character and a choice that i enjoy, is a very selfish one. the fun thing (to me, obviously) about imogen is that she has, more than most, an insight into the opinions of others and she also tends to seek others’ opinions out and genuinely engages with them and supports their choices. but she still very much acts towards what she thinks is best. it’s one reason i enjoy looking at the dynamic between her and orym as one between foils, as orym tends to be stalwart in his beliefs and doesn’t care too much for other’s opinions if he’s already sure of his own, but his actions tend to favour collaboration and protecting others.

as i mentioned earlier, imogen is a harder case to look at because she is still in the process of her story. however, the circlet is clearly influencing how she interacts with the world and in the wake of the solstice, the hostile reaction towards ruidusborn people has started to become more and more apparent and i’m interested to see what route that ends up leading imogen down and how it will influence her relationship with the rest of bell’s hells. (for better, i think, based on recent conversations, but if it's for worse i will be just as seated and excited).

all of this is just to say, please stop assuming that claiming a character has a trait you think is a bad one is criticism or a hate post. in light of the fact that i know that people who don’t believe this will continue to not believe this, i’ll encourage anyone confused about the ability of a character to be good and kind and selfish all at once to look to what the text itself says, specifically scanlan’s words to pelor when asked what vex means to him:

“Her name is Vex, and she is greedy and mean sometimes, and she can steal a lot. She’s a little bit not the greatest person, but her flaws highlight everything that is right about her, which is she does all these things to protect her friends and her family. She would give her life for any of us and for anyone who was truly in need. And she’s not perfect but she’s the most perfect of all of us.”

would you look at that... an ability to be a multitude of things, some in conflict with one another. i know that's hard for fandoms to believe, especially about female characters with agency, but i promise its true!

[zoobus]

One thing this generation has over the previous is (I'm assuming) because tattoos are so normal now, comedians can no longer skate by on the not-even-thinly-veiled misogyny that was mocking women for getting tattoos when one day they would become gross and hideous wrinkled hags and can you imagine anything more pathetic than a 60 (😱)+ female with a tat over her ass that isn't even taut like a fresh peach anymore?

It's absurd how prolific this "humor" was, just 1. I think tattoos make women less hot 2. If I dunk on hot tattooed women, I can shame them into not doing the thing that makes them less hot 3. No I wouldn't want to fuck them wrinkled and old either but surely the female brain freezes up at the thought of becoming ugly, old, and unfuckable?

[miraneko19]

Realized this while playing Birushana. Tomomori. You know.

[moonshynecybin]

I don't know why your last emotional bond au ask made me cry like Marc just bearing it bc he can bc no matter the pain it means there is still a chance and that moment of realization from vale that big *oh* I've really hurt him

“just bearing it bc he can bc no matter the pain it means there is still a chance” in many ways what i suspect he will do this weekend. but the bike can have no such realization

[ask-ruth-weaver]

Thoughts on a certain emo cop leaving you behind..

...Mixed to say the least. It takes me years to trust and minutes to untrust.

[tenrose]

I hate living in this world.

[illiana-mystery]

Oh, I didn't forget about you, Detective. But then again, how could I? 😮‍💨

[chenouttachen]

‘it’s not fair for you say it first, right?’ oh my god i am unwell

[welcometogrouchland]

I support the "Batman was unfairly biased to Stephanie for XYZ reasons" crowd so strongly bc DC claims that Bruce is a master planner who is able to understand anyone's psychology but he didn't realize that literally every single one of Steph's problems as a teenager would've been solved by her joining a shitty punk band. If he couldn't figure that much out then he didn't understand her for a minute

[majoringinsarcasm]

Ya boy is depressed please look at his poll

[bringsin]

MOTHERFUCKER I WAS ANSWERING AN ASK AND MY COMPUTER FLIPPED OUT BC I TRIED TO OPEN PHOTOSHOP AND NOW THE FUCKING ASK IS GONE