#annoying biology rants

[olive-ridley]

Okie dokie, after having to do meditative breathing after reading an instagram comments section, let’s talk whales!! What is a whale? What is a dolphin? Is a square a rectangle? Am I too pedantic? (yes) Is this important? (definitely not)

So, the group ‘Cetacea’ is named for the Latin word, ‘cetus,’ derived from the Greek word ‘ketos.’ Cetus refers to large sea animals, including whales, as well as the constellation named Cetus, depicting a whale. The group Cetacea, as you can probably derive, are “whales.”

Let’s discuss the parvorders. Mysticetes are our baleen whales (see: humpbacks, blues, greys, fins, etc.), and Odontocetes are our toothed whales (see: orcas, sperm whales, bottlenose dolphins, harbor porpoises). Now, after this last set of parentheses, you might see where the source of the confusion from the questions I asked above is.

For many years, the general populous has been laboring under the misinformation that dolphins are not whales. But never fear, I am here to free them from the shackles of 2010’s Discovery Channel oversimplification. Ok but in all seriousness, let’s talk dolphins. ‘Dolphin’ often refers to species in the family ‘Delphinidae,’ but also to three more families comprising two families of river dolphins and one family of brackish dolphin. Dolphins is a distinctive term within Cetacea to describe several families. Although interestingly, ‘porpoises’ just refers to a single family within Odontocetes. I just learned that!

So, what is a ‘whale?’ If I surveyed people on the street, I think the general answer is that it has to be a huge cetacean. But when the maximum measured length (6.45 m/21.2 ft) of the smallest baleen whale (pygmy right whale) is 3.4 m/11 feet shorter than the maximum measured length (9.8 m/32 ft) of the largest dolphin (orca), that’s maybe not the best definition. Some might refer to baleen, but then how does the sperm whale, who has teeth and is an odontocete, fit?

The answer is, all cetaceans are whales! From vaquita to blue whale, it’s whales all the way down. Colloquially, this is not the definition that most use, but as a formal, scientific definition, this is 100% correct. So, if you are like me, and you see someone posted a beautiful drone video of orcas on instagram to celebrate World Whale Day for the comments to be full of people saying ‘these are dolphins, not whales,’ and not being like ‘holy shit thank you for sharing this beautiful video with us,’ now you too can be burdened by the knowledge that no, all Odontocetes are whales no matter how small! Good luck on fighting the endless fight in comments sections my pupils.

(My sources are the wikipedia articles for cetacea, cetus, toothed whale, baleen whale, dolphin, porpoise, orca, pygmy right whale, and whale. Wikipedia iffy yes yes, but rest assured I knew this info before Wikipedia from a Prophetic Dream/course on marine mammals during my bachelor’s/experience working in fisheries observing after my bachelor’s)

[likelyapsychopath]

*sighs in evolutionary biologist*

I get that the authors specialize in human medicine, but this is still a peer-reviewed article. COME ON. If you're going to open with a blatantly false first sentence, send your article to the tabloids where it belongs >:(

For reference:

-- The first single-celled life forms appeared about 3.8 billion years ago.

-- Homo sapiens first appeared around 300,000 years ago

-- The first land plants appeared 470 million years ago. These plants lacked roots, leaves, and vascular tissue, and didn't produce seeds.

-- Angiosperms (aka flowering plants), the group that comprises ~90% of all modern plants, evolved roughly 100 million years ago

Humanity has only existed for 0.0075% of the history of life. Show some goddamn respect for your elders, bro

[bklynmusicnerd]

I want Taggert to stay Trina’s father because Trina is the only one not tied to a legacy family unlike Spencer, Joss, and Cameron. At least with Taggert, even though he’s not a part of a legacy family, he’s been on the show for years and is a well known character so she’s tied to history through him. With Curtis as her bio father, she loses that small historical connection since he’s a nobody.

I've heard this sentiment before, and I understand where it's coming from. But I do have some thoughts on the whole "legacy" thing that I want to express. To me, Taggert should be Trina's only father because he is very key to Trina's established history on this show. He has been established as one of her most important relationships and definitely the most important male figure in her life.

They have had years to convince us of what Curtis brings to Trina's life, and they don't have anything to show for it. We hear all the time about how great it would be for Curtis to have Trina as a daughter and how much it would mean for him. But they never took the time to show us what Curtis brings to Trina's life besides unnecessary paternalism and condescension.

Every time they've had Trina say she "loves" Curtis, I've really struggled to believe it because they haven't shown it. Meanwhile, I've never doubted Taggert and Trina's love for each other, and that's across recasts.

As far as legacy goes, yes, it makes more storytelling sense to mine the history that Taggert and his sister Gia have with the Cassadines, than it does to try to have the Ashfords comment on the Cassadines. I do wanna say though that Trina's value as a character is in no way tied to who her dad is, legacy or no legacy. Legacy is both a gift and a curse for the soap genre. It's a secret weapon to have all this rich history to mine.

But acting like legacy is the only thing that matters can be stifling and make the world of the show too small and homogenous. Trina is being put in the same conversation as thee Laura Webber Collins and she didn't need any strong legacy ties to do it. Legacy can help a character have impact but it's not the only way for them to.

And too often writers lean on legacy status and think that will make up for good characterization. Trina will be fine no matter who they make her bio dad, I just don't want it to be Curtis, because I don't want history that's key to Trina's characterization disregarded to make the latest Curtis agenda work.

[noyoucantpinmedown]

The Bowers Gang When Their Partner Has Their Period

Basically headcanons on the boys' attitude towards periods and how they handle their afab partner having one.

Belch Huggings

While Belch was raised by his loving mom, I picture Mrs. Huggings being quite old-fashioned and therefore very sheepish when it comes to talking biology with her son. Poor woman barely made it through giving him the sex talk, and as a result all Reggie knows is that whatever happens during the elusive ''time of the month'', it's not fun. Despite his lack of knowledge, Belch will be very doting of his partner if he's told they're having theirs, or even if he thinks they might be (he will never ask, or say the P word.) His SO can expect even more cuddles, random store bought or home-cooked treats (Mama Huggins is proud of how considerate her boy is), supplies kept on hand in the glove compartment of his car, patience, and compassion. Will assume sex is out of the question for the time being, but if his partner asks, he's more than happy to oblige. Generally will check on his SO constantly to the point of being annoying, and is willing to do anything they want, being nothing but understanding and obliging the whole time, even if his partner is cranky and takes out their frustration on him. Clueless as he is, he's ready to do anything he can think of to help, and is eager to be directed on what his SO needs. Will it kill him inside to be seen out buying pads for his partner? Yes. Will he do it anyway without complaint? Also yes. 10/10 in terms of support.

Victor Criss

I headcanon Victor as having two younger sisters and one of them is around the Losers' age, so aside from actually having been educated by his parents, he has actually witnessed what it can be like. He's the best prepared for this scenario and the most mature about it. As most teenage boys, Vic is a bit grossed out by the whole thing, but he's determined to handle it maturely and discuss it openly with his partner. Once he knows Aunt Flo is in town, he'll steal some pads from his sister and mom's stash to keep in his backpack, along with some Advil for cramps. He will show empathy for his SO's aches and mood swings, but unlike Belch, he will not take his SO directing their frustration at him- they may be bleeding, but that does not get them a free pass to treat him badly. In terms of intimacy, he's squicked out by blood in a sexual context, so his partner is on their own for that one. Other that that, he's happy to provide whatever his SO needs- he'll cuddle and read with his partner when they're bedridden with cramps, supply them with warm drinks, listen to them rant, and provide plenty of affection.

We're done with the sweet boyfriends part- onto the shitty ones.

Patrick Hockstetter

Patrick's knowledge on menstruation amounts to sexist stereotypes, and shameless as he is, he's not afraid to talk about it. The type to bring it up whenever his partner is grumpier than usual (''Oh, I see. Shark week, is it?''), and enjoys coming up with names for it- they're about as gross as you can expect. He's curious about how it really works, though, which might make it even worse, because now his taunts are even more based in reality. The stereotypical ones don't really stop either, though. The only one who will not tell their partner if their clothes are stained in public, because it's funnier if they're walking around with a red spot on the back of their pants. Patrick has an uncanny ability to just know when his partner's having their monthly visitor without them having to mention it (because he's a stalker with great observational skills). Doesn't give a shit about what their partner is going through, no emotional support to be found here. He's just as likely to take mood swings and crankiness in good fun (but there will be some form of punishment if his SO crosses the line of what he considers entertaining sass) as he is to get bored with it and avoid his partner until they're in a more agreeable mood. But hey, he is not completely useless- will give his partner all the physical affection they want, because he enjoys his partner being clingy and it's easy to transition to sex from there. Every now and then he'll swipe treats and supplies from the store even if he is not asked for them. The more attached Patrick feels to his SO, the more likely he is to do it and the more likely he is to not ask for anything in return... the latter still isn't a lot, he'll still expect his partner to fall over themselves thanking him for his sacrifice and generosity (that being the one chocolate bar he stole while going to steal cigarettes for himself). Generally speaking though, for Patrick it's business as usual. Ditto for intimacy. The negative is that he will expect his partner to put out in some form of another; the positive is that his partner will not be without if they habe those kind of cravings, and absolutely nothing is off the table because we know Patrick is nasty as hell and really enjoys blood. If his partner really wants nothing to do with him in that department, no big deal! He'll just find someone who does while he waits out the crimson tide :) He's such a catch, guys!

Henry Bowers

Oh boy. So, here's the thing: unlike Patrick, Henry actually wants to help. Unlike Vic and Belch, Henry is too stoic and hard-headed to even touch the topic. All he knows about menstruation is wrapped up in sexism, so he probably thinks that ''it's not that big of a deal'', or that ''women play it up for attention''. But he's squeamish when it comes to the reality of All Things Afab, so if he pulls the ''are you on you period'' card when his partner is in a bad mood and his partner answers Yes, I am, expect blushing and stammering. Wants to help, but does not want to talk about it, and a lot of the things that would help he considers demeaning (he will not be caught dead in the feminine care aisle). Not much to offer in the way of emotional support, except awkward pats and clumsy attempts at validation. He will show his partner more grace than usual, but if they're the type to complain a lot, get snappy or emotional, he'll get very tired very quickly. As far as sex is concerned, Henry expects his needs to still be met but refuses to touch his partner below the hips- he won't push his SO more than once or twice, though, and will wait it out without bringing it up again. Generally better at the quiet moments: sitting with his SO while they nap or watch a movie, wordlessly giving them food or a hot water bottle and trying to blissfully ignore the whole situation as much as he can.

[neptunedivine]

astro observations pt. ii

hi! I hope you’re doing well! I know it's been a while. I have a lot of things I wanna talk about. But for now, here are some observations I've noted since I've been gone. I hope you enjoy the read!

mutable signs and intelligence ✧ ALL MUTABLE PLACEMENTS SHOULD BE KNOWN FOR THEIR INTELLIGENCE. Since Virgo and Gemini are both ruled by mercury, I feel like this is a given. Sagittarius rules the 9H which controls higher education, so the same thing can be said for them. But then people throw Pisces under the bus…as if Virgo isn’t their sister sign. I feel like people see sister signs as opposites of each other, but in reality, they have their sister’s traits in subtlety.

As a Pisces sun and mercury myself, I understand the anxiety my Virgo homies get, it’s f*cking intense. But will I ever feel it full throttle? I don’t think so and I’m thankful for it.

But yeah, Pisces placements are not airheads, their smart too. I just think their intelligence is out of the ordinary or just not palatable like the other signs.

9H suns ✧ Kind of an addendum to my last bullet, but a lot of 9H and 12H sun celebrities are really smart. I’ve noticed this with Kendrick Lamar because he’s a 9H sun (in Gemini @ 9° -- damn), and he’s considered a conscious rapper (a subgenre of hip-hop that focuses on creating awareness and imparting knowledge). When I think of him, his words always have meaning, they’re not said just because. The same thing can be said about SZA (9H Scorpio sun @ 16°) and Frank Ocean (12H Scorpio sun 4°).

I'm noticing that they're both Scorpio suns at a Cancer degree, I might investigate that more in the future.

When they put out a project, I get annoyed when people immediately have a response (in all I think I get annoyed when this happens to any long-awaited album), because with the lyricism they have, let the words marinate. Their words are never just face value, there's always a deeper meaning.

SZA is also just smart period. She went on this little biology rant a couple of weeks ago. I was shocked but I loved it. Idk sometimes I forget that celebrities have other traits because they choose what they present to their audience and a lot of the time that isn’t intelligence.

✧ Do any other Pisces mercuries talk in funny voices or accents a lot? Like an unhealthy amount? Just me? Okay.

✧ Undeveloped Pisces placements want yes men to their delusions.

LGBTQIA+ ✧ Having mutable + Aquarius Venus/Mars placements and/or aspects could be an indicator of identifying as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Mutable placements are used to changing their mind a lot, so when it comes to who they’re interested in, they might not have a fixed answer. With aqua placements, they’re not used to sticking to the traditional. So going against the grain with who they’re romantically/sexually involved with is a common manifestation.

mars-jupiter and clumsiness ✧ Those with Mars-Jupiter aspects can be clumsy. Maybe because Mars can rule the physical body and Jupiter expands, they may be overestimating their range of motion.

aries/1H mars and headaches ✧ These placements can be prone to headaches, yes because Mars rules the physical body and anger, and Aries rules the head. But you guys are also quick to anger, so you kind of set yourself up for it. Breathe please, I don’t like seeing you stressed out babes.

aries/scorpio placements and tattoos ✧ Speaking of Aries placements, Aries and Scorpio placements, in general, could like tattoos, whether they want some themselves, have them, or just like the look of them. I feel like Venus and Mars placements are attracted to those who have tattoos, while Mercury placements could have the desire to tattoo people/become tattoo artists. If you have Aries/Scoripo in your midheaven, this could be a good career for you!

that’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed the post, see you later!

[dragonbarbie]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐏 𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 - modern!aemond targaryn x reader

rating: 18+, minors dni

summary: academic rivals, where revision has the same rules as strip poker

word count: 3.8k

tags: mature content, smut, modern!au, reader being petty and competitive, aemond also being petty and competitive, guest appearance by aegon

note: this is like… my first attempt at writing smut so ….*clown emoji* anyway hope you like it

y/n was used to being number 1. all throughout high school, be it history or physics – she had the highest grade in every class and was managing to do so without much effort, really. she hadn’t expected that to change when she landed her dream university, dragonstone. but when she arrived she had the rude shock of getting acquainted with aemond targaryen. first day of their valyrian history class, she had expected to impress her professor with the extensive knowledge on the subject that had been one of her favourites in high school, but when she found herself being beaten to the punch by the blonde bastard, she took an instant dislike to him.

pettily enough, as everyone was leaving the class, she made a show of saying “suck-up” in a not so quiet whisper as she passed him by. “excuse me?” his condescending, posh tone made her eyes roll. “all i did was answer his questions. i wasn’t the one gushing about the books he had written.” he sharply pointed out. “whatever.” she tried to brush off the retort. “if you’re so jealous, maybe actually read before class next time, instead of whining.” he coolly stated as he stalked off, leaving her behind as she gritted her teeth and glared at his striding figure.

from that point onwards, every class that she shared with him, she made a deliberate effort to work extra hard for. she went beyond just the recommended readings, she would write extra few hundred words for every essay, and for every test she would spend hours in preparation. still, frustratingly, all of this effort only made her good competition for him and not the outright winner. it seemed that aemond targaryen was in fact used to going beyond just the bare minimum, she didn’t ever see him take a break. if he wasn’t at the library, she found him sweating it out on the track field. his perfection was downright annoying.

what her friend baela found annoying, was the detail with which y/n would observe (obsess over) his daily behaviour and then rant about it to her. by the time finals week was on the horizon, she was just about done with y/n’s obsession.

y/n had been in the middle of ranting about how she had caught aemond revising for finals on the treadmill, when baela slammed the book that was open in front of her with frustration. “why don’t you just join him then?” she sarcastically asked, earning a “yeah right” from y/n who returned back to her notes as she realised that all this talk of her rival had clearly seemed to drive her friend to the point of irritation. “actually… why not?” though she had asked the question rhetorically, baela soon realised that perhaps that wasn’t such a crazy idea after all. y/n, did not share that understanding. she blinked back at her “i’m sorry am i supposed to say something or just wait in silence while you regain your senses. what are you talking about?”

“you said it yourself, you study better with a partner. and i don’t have any of the same classes as you.” the thought of baela having fun studying marine biology while y/n had to suffer aemond targaryen’s presence all alone at the history department was a point that brought her great sadness each day. “he does. and you have to admit it, he’s pretty good.”

as soon as y/n opened her mouth with a retort right on her tongue, baela silenced her with one pointed sentence “i have one reply to all your objections — keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”

oh, y/n thought, she’d never thought of it that way. “besides,” baela reopened the book she had shut, “this way you can keep an even closer eye on his schedule.” she teased.

☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆

aemond somehow didn’t need to lift his eye to know who it was that had approached the corner library desk that had become his unofficial residence for finals weeks. “can i help you, l/n?” he asked, as she stopped before him. “no, but i can certainly help you, targaryen.” she announced, pulling out the chair across from him and putting her laptop bag down on the desk. he wordlessly raised his brow as she made herself comfortable. “look—” she knew that selling the idea to him was going to be just as hard as it was for it to be sold to her, but she was as stubborn as she was competitive, “—if we work together, our work will be halved. i can beat your ass at history of tyrosh and the origins of dorne any day of the week, and you are marginally better than me at valyrian history and aegon’s conquest. i am proposing that we sit and quiz each other on the exam portions and that way we’re both covered for our weaker subjects.”

she did not like the smug smirk that overcame his face at the suggestion. “so, you’ve come here to grovel for my help?” she could punch his perfect white teeth in. “look you little shit, while everyone on campus will be sweating and crying and chugging copious amounts of energy drinks to survive this week – we could be sailing through it, if we do this. our rivalry’s entertaining and all, but the stress of finals week will make even your fabulous hair fall out.”

“hmm.” he considered her words for a second. she rolled her eyes as he seemed to revel in making her wait for his response, “c’mon, targaryen, do it for the hair.” she was sure she saw his lips twitch upwards at her teasing.

“fine.” he finally gave in, causing y/n to sigh in relief, “but if you can’t keep up, i’m dropping you.” “likewise.” y/n promised.

she had to admit, studying with aemond was actually not that bad. their reading speed was similar, he kept her on her toes with his constant quizzing, and initially he had seemed to be singularly focused on the task at hand. as the days went on though, y/n found that they had actually started to talk of things beyond dead king and queens. “so, you’re like, related to the conqueror?” she asked as a manner of taking a break from their revision of her least favourite class, the conquest of westeros. “yeah, directly. he’s a great-great, times ten, grandfather.” he answered, turning the signet ring on his hand subconsciously. “that’s cheating, then. i’d be great at that class too if daddy had told me tales of grandpa aegon every night before bed.” she shrugged as she reached to grab the pot of black coffee, to refill her cup.

“well, ‘daddy’ didn’t even bother saying goodnight most nights, so let’s not attribute any of my success to him.” she looked up at him suddenly at the off-handed admission about his home life, but before she could really react, he added. “you just want there to be more to why i’m better than you, rather than accepting – i just am.” there was that smug smirk again, the one that she used to loath. but nowadays, that same smile was more playful than hostile, she had noted. “or, i’m trying to figure out if being an asshole is just who you are, or if it runs in your family. aegon burned half of westeros down to colonise it, so I’m leaning towards the latter.” “colonise?” he was clearly irritated at her choice of words. “one race of people, the valyrians, through violence made another race, the first men, submit to them. that’s the textbook definition of colonisation, is it not?” she raised her brow, inviting him to debate her. she knew it was the subject he felt most passionate about, and thus, it was the class where she would most often find herself playing devil’s advocate, for no reason other than to oppose whatever view aemond had taken. in their revision sessions, too, she liked to watch the passion light a fire in his eye whenever she would declare his opinion was wrong. he looked hot when he was academically pissed off.

“westeros was just different war lord states fighting for dominance until aegon united the seven kingdoms.” he firmly argued. “so what, that gave him open invite to just come and take over?” she challenged, crossing her arms with a self-satisfied grin at having gotten him so riled up already. he opened his mouth to throw his retort at her, when suddenly the door to aemond’s apartment, where they had been studying, swung open to disturb the proceedings.

she saw a man with platinum blonde hair that matched aemond’s stumbling as he entered the apartment with his arm around a beautiful girl, with black hair hanging down to her waist.

aemond, she noted, was visibly annoyed at this.

“oh, did we spoil your little study session?” the other man rhetorically asked, without any real remorse in his tone, his words slurring to indicate that he had been drinking. he sat himself down on the sofa next to y/n, uninvited, a move that inexplicably made aemond’s jaw tighten. “you must be my little brother’s study buddy, y/n. i know all about you, and i’m sure he’s told you nothing about me. i’m aegon, the nerd’s big bro.” y/n was immediately amused at the thought of this man, who was decked in a supreme tracksuit and who’s hair seemed to have been left uncombed, was the perfect, prim and proper aemond’s elder brother. “nice to meet you, aegon. are you studying at the university too?” “business major, yeah, graduating next year.” he replied stretching his hand to place it behind y/n. aemond snorted at his brother, “with the way your finals prep is going, i would not bother wasting money on a graduation gown.” he eyed the woman with whom aegon had entered, judgement clear in his eye.

“hey! i decided to follow your lead and i’ve asked cassandra here to be my study buddy. i’ve actually gone one step further than you and invented the best revision method.” he declared. aemond seemed to have no curiosity at his brother’s statement, but y/n asked “do tell.” aegon turned to her with a pleased smile, “it’s revision, but with strip poker rules.” he simply answered.

she raised a brow at his response, “as in…?” “as in you quiz each other, and every time one of you gets an answer wrong – you take an item of clothing off. it’s a win-win, if you get the answer right, good job, you know your shit. if you don’t…. well, its so much more fun if you don’t.” y/n had to purse her lips to suppress the laughter at the back of her throat.

at the sound of aemond packing up his books, she looked away from aegon to the younger brother. “let’s go to your dorm, y/n. he definitely doesn’t know his shit, and his ‘revision’ tends to be loud.”

☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆…━━━━━·:*☆

as per y/n’s prediction, final’s week had indeed sailed by for aemond and her because of their revision sessions. they only had one exam left now, and it was the one they had both been dreading the most – historical methods. it was a subject that was so boring and plainly simple, that they knew it was easy enough to study for, but they could not bring themselves to revise something so mind-numbingly dull.

y/n, in her frustration, threw her notes on the table at aemond’s apartment. aemond, seated on the other end of the sofa from where y/n was lying on her back, shared her frustration, but he tended to be more stoic and was determined to finish the work on hand. “it’s just a few more topics, and then you never have to think about the subject ever again.” he tried to placate her. “it’s too boring, i can’t do it!” she complained bringing her hands up to her face in frustration. aemond couldn’t help but notice how the action made the t-shirt she was wearing ride up and expose soft skin just above her jean shorts, his eye remaining fixed on the spot for a second too long.

then, the mixture of a caffeine high and a boredom that was seeming like an unending chasm, gave birth to what y/n thought was a brilliant idea. she moved her fingers slightly, so only her eyes would poke out from behind them. “let’s try your brother’s idea.” she suddenly said, “i don’t think anyone has ever said that sentence before.” he remarked.

“i’m serious.” she sat up, as if to indicate her earnestness. “the ‘revision, but with strip poker rules’ idea, let’s try it.”

aemond’s expression was unreadable as she watched him, but she was certain she saw his adam’s apple move at the suggestion. “it’s a dumb idea.” he said, but his throat had gone dry at the thought.  y/n rolled her eyes, “that’s the point! it’ll break the monotony.” she crawled to his side of the sofa. “come on, aemond. don’t be a coward.” the suggestion of him even possibly being cowardly had clearly set off something in him. “fine.” he shut the book in his hand and placed it on the table.

they quizzed each other, and it was going much the same as their usual quizzing went, which disappointed y/n since it did not in fact break the monotony as she had wanted. that was until, in her over-confidence, she got a question wrong. “well…” aemond seemed to be very satisfied indeed at her wrong answer, “are you going to do the honours or are you ready to admit that you’re the only coward here?” he scanned the white t-shirt she was wearing, almost with hunger and an expectancy, y/n thought.

she pulled the shirt off over her head, and threw it right at his smug face, “i’m no coward.” he caught it with ease, and for a split second she was sure he smelling it as he held it to his face, before dropping it in his lap. when he looked at her now, he didn’t even attempt to hide how he was taking in her figure, as she sat exposed only in her black bra. knowing that she was being watched, she sat straighter, even as she muttered “pervert” but made no attempt to hide her form.

 “please, don’t even try to pretend like you don’t love it.” now, that did take her aback. sure, she had caught him looking at her chest or her ass many-a time over their study sessions, and had done nothing to stop it, but she hadn’t realised that he had in fact, caught her catching him when he looked. he knew she had allowed it all this while, unspoken.

the monotony was certainly broken now.

when it was next aemond’s turn to ask a question, he threw her an easy one, a question she had answered in class. but y/n shrugged and said, “i don’t know”, as an answer. aemond snorted at her, “yeah, you do.”

she simply laid on her back as she undid her shorts and slid them down her legs, eyes never leaving aemond’s as she did. he wet his lower lip with his tongue, and then bit down as he watched. his eye trailed her bare legs, up to her panties, with very little being left to his imagination now that she sat only in her underwear on his sofa.

“my turn” she had the perfect trick question in mind, and when he called her out, saying “there is no right answer to that”, she shrugged once again. “are you going to do the honours or are you ready to admit that you’re the only coward here?” she threw his words back in his face with a grin.

he didn’t seem to need a lot of convincing. he pulled off his shirt in one swift move, and y/n felt her stomach clench at the sight of defined muscles on pale skin. she took a minute to memorise his details before she asked him the next question, but she hadn’t even reached the end of it before aemond was unbuttoning his pants, answering the question by simply saying “don’t know, don’t care.” it seemed as if he was in a hurry, as if he had waited long enough for this moment.

y/n seemed to be in a hurry too, when she deliberately gave a rushed, wrong answer to his next question. she moved her knees to straddle him where he sat, able to feel everything through her own cotton panties over his satin boxers. “need some help with the bra hooks.” she said as an excuse for her action. he readily obliged, with his hands reaching behind her and unhooking her bra with ease, letting the material fall down to the floor. his hands trailed up from her waist to her chest, pale hands first covering and then roughly squeezing her breasts. she started to rock back and forth where she sat, her now wet panties grinding against his obvious bulge.

“it’s your turn to ask.” she breathlessly reminded him after a minute, “fuck revision.” he was trailing kisses around her collar bone, sucking hard enough to leave bruises, she was certain. ““fuck revision”? who are you and what have you done to aemond targaryen?” she chuckled. he only gave her a growl in return, as his arms snaked around her waist to hold her up and then place her back down, with her back hitting the soft sofa.

he hovered over her for a second, supporting himself on his knees as his fingertips traced her side. “you look so hot when you’re concentrating….” he murmured, seemingly out of nowhere, as his fingers found the waistband of her panties and hooked under them. “…and when you’re debating me….” he pulled the cloth over her legs, and his hand reached down to the wetness between her legs “… and especially, when someone tells you you’re right.” a shiver went down her spine she felt two of his cold fingers in her folds. “already so wet for me.” he chuckled.

“oh, would you stop being a tease and just…” at her complaint he withdrew his fingers suddenly, causing her to whine. “just what?” he asked, making her feel more frustrated with him than she had ever felt before. “did you really think i was going to let go of the perfect opportunity to make you beg for me? make you beg me, to fuck you?” oh, there was that stupid fucking smug smirk once again. Now, it was no secret that y/n had too much pride, especially when it came to facing off with aemond targaryen. but as she lay there, exposed and achingly wet, she decided she had to bury her pride to get what she wanted.

“aemond…” she swallowed, “fuck me.” that did not seem to give him what he wanted. he cocked his head to one side, “hmm. you’re missing something.” she huffed, thinking why he had to make this so difficult, and how satisfied he must be at getting her in this position. “aemond…fuck me….please.”

at that, he grinned. he bent down to be inches away from her face, “as you wish.”

she felt two of his fingers enter her suddenly, making her gasp. his fingers curled inside of her roughly, at the same time he started to kiss the side of her neck with more gentleness than she had expected of him. the dichotomy gave her a high. his fingers continued their assault, as her hands tangled themselves in his hair. “so tight…” he whispered against her ear, “how long have you been thinking about this, you little slut?” y/n could only hum back, not capable of formulating a well thought-out response.

Her legs clenched as he continued to dig his fingers inside of her with perfect rhythm. His thumb reached up to massage her clit, as her hand reach down to grab the arm that was inside of her, nails leaving scratch marks. A warmth spread around inside her stomach at the feeling.

when he suddenly pulled his fingers out, she groaned in frustration, “has anyone ever told you, you have no patience?” he tutted. y/n rolled her eyes as she sat forward and her hands moved to finally remove his boxers, “yes.”

with his boxers now discarded, he positioned her to lay back down on the sofa, her legs around his waist. his tip grazed her core, but he didn’t enter her which only added to her annoyance. “aemond, i swear to the old gods and the new, if you tease me for a second longer—” she was cut off by him slamming inside of her suddenly. “ah!” she moaned as he filled her, “that ought to shut you up.” he grunted, supporting himself by keeping a hand on the arm of the sofa that was beneath her head. “oh, gods… aemond…” she could feel him touching her spot, legs growing weaker with each thrust.

he was going at it with a ruthless pace, leaving her feeling helpless and satisfied at the same time. his mouth dipped and he began sucking on her nipple, his teeth grazing where she was sensitive, making her yelp in pleasure. she grabbed his shoulder, grip strong enough leave even more marks. as she felt his tongue circle the skin around her nipple, she made a mental note to tell his brother that she had come to agree that his method of revising was indeed ingenious.

“aemond…i’m…” she had begun to say, “yeah baby, almost there” he replied lifting his head to her face. he tucked a stray stand of her hair behind her ear, a gesture that felt more intimate than the sex. he placed his hand on her cheek before his lips finally met hers. she could taste the black coffee they had been drinking on his tongue, mixed with something minty like toothpaste. for all the roughness with which he fucked her, y/n realised that the kiss felt sweet, tender almost.

“fuck…” he said against her lips, and she could tell he was close too. “aemond…ah!” she reached her peak, just as he pulled out and finished on her stomach.

panting, breathless and sore, for once y/n did not have a retort in the presence of aemond targaryen. he seemed rather speechless too, as he remained above her, unspeaking but his eye refusing to leave her face. he seemed to be in deep thought, and just when he opened his mouth to speak, a different voice could be heard from down the hall.

“and you called my ‘revising’ loud.” aegon snorted, leaning against his bedroom door.

[6ft-under-beacon-hills]

Walmart Wolf — Isaac Lahey x Reader

summary: When you accidentally saw Isaac's wolf form, he began threatening you to keep quiet. Problem is, you don't really find him scary.

tags: slightly canon-divergent, usage of you, canon-typical (mild) description of violence.

———

"Right," You nodded, eyes focused on arranging your notes in the correct order before filing them. You slammed the file closed as you swung your bag onto one shoulder, heading to the hallway, pushing past Lahey.

"I mean it." He said, following you with ease. His long legs covered the distance between the two of you within a second.

You simply rolled your eyes.

"Say a word and you'll regret it." He added, now walking beside you.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." You waved a dismissive hand.

Which was a mistake, because now, he grabbed onto the wrist of that hand and dragged you into a corner. He leaned into your space, your breathes intermingled with one another as he growled, eyes glowing golden. He whispered, fangs visible with every move of his lips, "Tell someone and you'll find yourself torn apart."

You tried, actually really tried, to imagine what that would feel like. But when his sharp nails, no, his claws, slowly digging into your skin, all you could think was how good of back scratch he would give. So, you smiled, at the thought, though of course to him you were smiling at his threat.

He tilted his head, confusion riddled his face.

See, when he does things like that, how are you going to find him threatening. He looked like your old neighbour's puppy.

So adorable.

His eyebrows furrowed. "What. did. you. say?"

Oh shoot. Did I said that out loud?

He waited for a response, the grip on your wrist loosening by the seconds. You pulled your hand back, placing it atop your hip as the other shifted with the file's weight.

"You think you're so scary, but you are far from it." You started. "I've seen scary. Lived through it. Dismemberment is the least of my concerns, especially when it's coming from a Walmart version of a wolf."

Isaac stood still – his face morphing into something between offence and bewilderment – possibly stunned by the little rant you had. You took that as an opportunity to slip away, walking in the direction of AP Biology class that was about to start in five minutes.

You wondered if you could make it in time.

Then you wondered... if what you said was too mean..

Sparing a glance at the spot the two of you were standing a few moments ago, Isaac already gone, you shrugged as you considered that'd be a problem for the future-you to solve.

Right now, though, you had a test to take.

— • • •

You knew.

You didn't need to turn your head around to know that Isaac Lahey was glaring at you – um, well, at the back of your head. You had been sitting next to your classmates in the cafeteria, discussing on what to do for next week's group project, when all of a sudden all their focus seemed to shift from the notes on the table to something, or rather someone, behind you. One by one, either their eyes would flicker between you and him, or their words seemingly stuck in their throats every time they tried to elaborate on their points.

This won't do.

You politely dismissed the meeting, saying that "we've got everything mostly covered" and offering them an email-shared notes of today's discussion. Without wasting any time, each one of them rushed out of their seats, leaving you alone with the annoying pest that was you could practically hear fuming as he walked towards you.

"Walmart version of a wolf!?" He hissed, aggressively sliding into the seat in front of you. Though admittedly, no one can look terrifying when trying to slide onto a lunch table's bench.

"Hello, good afternoon, I'm doing fine, thank you for asking." You replied, annoyed with him for, in a way, causing the early dismissal of your group discussion.

"Cut that crap." He slammed a hand onto the table, but his pinky finger caught onto a nearby tray from your groupmate's lunch and he flailed about trying to ensure the cup and the plate won't spill onto him.

You bit back a scoff, though a small smile still found its way onto your face.

He shot you a glare. Typical, so you rolled your eyes at that.

"I am not a Walmart wolf." He spat, his fingers flat on the surface of the table. Now he looked like one of those halloween sales plushies of a standing wolf over a carved plastic pumpkin, frowning for some candies.

This time, you couldn't help it. You snorted. "Sure, you're not, buddy."

With that, you left him again with his own mix of offense and confusion. Those meeting notes were not going to write itself.

— • • •

Amongst your top ten list of what to expect this school year, settling into a routine of being threatened by a not-so-scary werewolf was not one of it. Though if you had to include that into a list of something, you would tuck it neatly in a catalogue labeled "to be resolved".

There were so many things you needed to resolve like the maths problem from week ten's class that you missed because of a flu, or high water bill even after carefully measuring the usage for a month, or what in Chemistry's classroom were allergic to because you kept sneezing whenever you were in it the past couple of weeks.

But Isaac Lahey's unimaginative threats grew increasingly in terms of priority.

His persistence not once faltering for the past month and if you were to be precise, it had been exactly 32 days and 4 hours since you discovered his wolf-y nature. So as expected, you found him striding through the hallway to you, that same scowl on his face... and a scarf on his neck? What's up with that scarf anyway? It was basically scorching hot outside.

He opened his mouth, perhaps to throw another one of those "I'll gut you with my claws" or "Rip your head of your neck with my teeth" nonsense, but you stopped him with a raise of a stern hand.

"If you have nothing new to say, then just shut up."

He stopped in his tracks, standing only a few feet away from you, crossing his arms across his chest as if to say, 'Oh yeah?'

His shenanigans did not go unnoticed by your peers; a few expressed their concerns for your safety (rumours has it he was the prime suspect of his father's death but if he's as bad as his threats and reputation, then you would've stopped breathing the moment you caught him), some tried to pry for information (you swore you would strangle the next person who asked if Lahey and you were dating), and most simply thought you formed some sort of friendship with the tall teen (which, at this point, was something you prefer over the unoriginal threats).

You figured he would throw a snarky comment when you began to turn around, but instead you were met with a question that had you scratching the back of your neck and looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Why aren't you ever scared?"

You thought for several moments, looking for all the right answers, unsure yourself why were you even taking the time to reply properly when all you had been doing was dismissing him (well, dismissing his threats).

So you looked at him once more, maybe hoping that he would be some sort of guide to you for your answers yet all you could see was all the reasons you were never scared.

Maybe those reasons were your answers.

You took a deep breath, checking the time with a quick motion. "How do you feel about pancakes?"

— • • •

This diner was certainly not the best diner the town could offer – its pastries always stale, the coffee too bitter, and you were sure that the old lady waitress was slower than a sloth – but it sure has the best pancakes that no other place in the town could beat.

You pour the maple syrup over the steaming pancakes, clearly freshly made in contrast to all of the other menu. Lahey fidgeted in his seat, possibly uncomfortable with the booth being too small for comfort but all the open space tables were filled with just off-duty cops, tired office workers and elderly couples who did not want to eat homemade dinner. The diner itself was not crowded with dozens of customers but the small space of the building made it seemed like it was always packed with people.

It was a typical slow day in a small room.

Lahey tapped the edge of the table with his fingers, head looking around, always shifting in his seat as if waiting for an ambush or a guaranteed-to-be-poorly-made crepe that he ordered earlier.

The crepe arrived seconds later, almost fully burnt, but he did not stop moving. So you concluded that he might thought that this was a trap, like he was just waiting for animal control to come in with a muzzle and big cage.

"Told you to order the pancakes." You cut through the tension.

"Why are we here?" He asked in return.

You placed down the fork and knife back onto the table, pancakes untouched.

"I'm sorry." You began, to which he scowled – clearly not understanding why you were apologising – but you continued nonetheless. "I shouldn't have said you were a Walmart version of a wolf."

He scoffed, leaning back against his seat.

"To be fair, you were really annoying the hell out of me with those incredibly mundane threats and I thought I'd strike one back." You shrugged.

He was ready to say something but you beat him to it.

"And rather than a Walmart wolf, I think you were a lot like a puppy. Specifically the one that my old neighbour had. Paired that vision with your clumsiness, gods, I don't think anyone with rationality would find you scary."

Whilst you had a habit of not thinking when going on a rant, you thought of this next sentence more often than you'd like and so you decided that he might as well hear it.

"On the contrary, I believe that anyone would find you cute."

For a second you thought his expression softened but you looked again and figured that was just the trick of the lightings — just like how the interior of the room made it seemed like he was blushing. He can't be, can he..?

Nah. No way.

After a long stretch of silence, the two of you locking eyes, he finally spoke. "So? What then? You'll run around telling people that I'm— I mean, about that, thinking they'll find it cute too?"

This time, you scoffed as you leaned back against your seat.

"Of course not." You laughed, though there was not a hint of joy in it, but more for sarcastic effect. "Think about it, Lahey. If I wanted to tell someone, and you know that I'm not scared of you, I would have done so weeks ago. Your business is yours to share. Just because I happened to stumble upon it, doesn't give me the right to publicly announce it."

What you said was something you thought to be common sense but from his reaction, you figured he was so used to the opposite – like he believed his privacy was made up of glass walls, anyone could look through it should they come across it.

You grabbed your utensils, cutting your pancakes in half before it turned soggy from the syrup. You gave half of it to Lahey, plopping it atop his charcoal-coloured crepe.

He mumbled something of a Thank You before digging in. The two of you enjoying the sweetness of a fluffy pancake for some time.

He finished his portion first, you noticed, then he wiped his mouth with a napkin before leaning into the table. Seemingly battling something within himself before he decided to speak again.

"So," He started, "What do you mean when you said "I've seen scary. Lived through it."?"

You raised an eyebrow, eating the last bit of the pancake in one smooth bite.

"Nu-uh," You shook your head as you dabbed the corner of your lips. "We're not that close yet, Lahey."

"Yet..?"

"Come on, Walmart Wolf." He scowled at that nickname, but you stood up anyway after leaving some money on the table for the food, a few extra five dollar bills for the tips.

It was sort of a good day, after all.

"It'd be boring if I just tell you my secrets. You've got to earn it."

It was right there, the 6ft something boy, hunched in a semi-circle booth, finally smiled. A wide, toothy grin that wrinkled the corner of his eyes.

That was the first of the many joyful things the two of you would begin to experience together.

———

a/n: i'd write a part two to this story if anyone's interested but for now i'll leave this open ended like this. tried my best to make the reader gender neutral as much as possible though.

[tyrantisterror]

Fantastic Rants and Where to Find Them

So, back when the Herbie Porber movies were still being made, Warner Brothers saw the cash cow on their hands and decided they had to lock that shit down as much as possible to make sure they could milk it until its teats were chafed and withered to nothing. To that end, they bought the rights to every book the Terf Queen had written by that point - which included all the Henry Pansley wizard school mystery books, but also two gag books set within the Henry Pansley world: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which was presented as an in-universe biology textbook for wizard children, and Quidditch Through the Ages, which was an in-universe book of trivia for a fake magical sport.

And at the time everyone with a brain who'd read those two books was shaking their head and thinking how dumb those corporate executives were to do that because, like, those aren't novels or novelas or short stories or narratives of any kind. They are, and I cannot stress this enough, a fake textbook and a fake trivia book about fake things written in a slapdash manner as a cheap gag. They existed for three reasons:

First, to sell something Herbie Porber related at a significantly lower price point than the actual novels so the Terf Queen could get more of that sweet, sweet Scholastic Book Fair money by having something poor kids could buy.

Second, to give a portion of the proceeds raised from that poor kid book fair money to charity so the Terf Queen could get some nice tax writeoffs.

And as a distant third, to expand the world-building of the Henry Pansley setting a teensie bit.

Now, as far as I'm aware, they succeeded at the first two well enough - tons of kids bought those cheap-ass thin as shit paperbacks when I was a kid, myself among them. Well, ok, I only bought Fantastic Beasts and skipped Quidditch because even during the height of my Herbie Porber fan days I thought the Terf Queen's imaginary sport was really fucking stupid and every time it popped up in the books I was bored as shit and tried to skim it as quickly as possible to get to the interesting stuff. I think I looked over the book once in a Barnes and Noble and thought, "Wow, I knew I thought real sports were boring as shit, but it turns out fake ones are even more so."

But back on track - goal number three was... kind of successful, I guess? Like, I don't know if you know this, but bestiaries of fictional animals are one of my big interests. I love a big book of made up creatures, and have collected many in my long life of thirty-four years. And as I said, I got a copy of Fantastic Beasts - technically several, because those cheap ass paperbacks disintegrated if you read them more than once, and I haven't met a bestiary that I haven't poured over several times, no matter how shitty. And despite how often I read it, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was, well... pretty mid, honestly. It's a book that's 99% world-building, and like all of the Terf Queen's world-building, it's overall mediocre and undercooked.

Like, in pure Herbie Porber style, it's mostly concepts that have been done in fantasy fiction and mythology dozens of times before with no real original spin on them whatsoever, often stripped down to their most recognizable elements alone. There are a smattering of original ideas that are actually interesting an novel, a few more original ideas that have potential but don't seem very well-thought out as is, and then some that are clearly just there to be a joke and are amusing for, like, a second, but also would quickly become annoying if they were given any focus.

I'll give a very me-specific example. As a fan of vaguely medieval european fantasy tropes, one of the metrics by which I judge a bestiary is "How does this handle dragons?" Because, like, I don't know if you know this, but I love dragons a lot, and the sheer variety of dragons in fiction is one of my favorite things in the world. There is a smorgasbord of different dragons a person can choose from just in folklore and mythology alone, and that variety is reflected in a given bestiary, the higher I think of it.

The Terf Queen's bestiary gives us ten dragon breeds... and they're all more or less the same except for scale color and minor variations in size. Oh, and their names, which are all based on different dog breeds because the Terf Queen thought that was funny. It's the worst of both worlds because it gets your dragon-loving hopes up that there'll be lots of unique dragons but no, they're just different colors, ho hum. Even the Chinese Dragon sticks to the same basic bitch wyvern body plan as the rest, when, you know, Chinese dragons have SUCH a different body plan than any of their European counterparts. It's downright insulting to the variety and creativity of this iconic folkloric archetype to reduce it to such a samey-set of monsters. Absolutely the most disappointing dragon entry in any bestiary I've ever read, just infuriating.

BUT, BACK ON THE INCREASINGLY DERAILED TRACK: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was never meant to be a "great" book. Remember goals one and two: it was a cheap cashgrab, a gimmick, a gag book. It was meant to be a disposable bit of fun - "Tee hee, here's a goofy textbook from this goofy wizard story that you kids will likely grow out of in a few years, you can read it in twenty minutes and not feel bad when you pitch it because there's very little substance to it, and it only costs three bucks."

The Terf Queen doesn't write textbooks, gag or otherwise, she writes novels, narratives, and in its original form Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was clearly just her fucking around with something whimsical and stupid for shits and giggles (and money, sweet sweet money). The original version of it was published with notes in the margin written by Henry Pansley and Donnie Stoat themselves, the two wizard hooligans writing little jokes and messages to each other with further references to other characters from the series, both to add more humor and because, again, the Terf Queen writes novels, and it was clear she couldn't commit to the "fake textbook" bit without working in some characters riffing it for her own sanity. And that makes it work as a gag book - you get a few laughs from the wizard hooligans playing MST3K with their shitty textbook, learn a little about the (undercooked and poorly thought out) ecosystem of the wizardy world, and then when you reach the back cover the spine of your cheap as shit pulp paperback book falls apart and, unless you've got a weird obsession with bestiaries, you throw the dying book in the garbage without a second thought. Three bucks spent well enough.

BUT, TO GET BACK ON THE INCREASINGLY DERAILED TRACK AGAIN: Warner Brothers bought the rights to this cheapo cashgrab gag textbook, and goddamn it, they were/are determined to squeeze Herby Porber's sore teats until every last drop of money milk spills from his chapped and bleeding nipples. They announced they were going to make a Fantastic Beasts movie towards the end of making the Herby Porber novels into films, and everyone with a brain sat there and thought, "Well, that's going to be a stupid cashgrab. Bet the Terf Queen's laughing her ass off at how dumb it'll be, too."

But the Terf Queen was not laughing, at least not for long, for once the Henry Pansley movies wrapped up, she was left with the horrifying knowledge that people didn't care for her non-wizard books all that much, certainly not enough to keep her rolling in sweet, sweet money. She needed that mega millionaire cash, and she needed it in abundance and she needed it quick. So when Warner Brothers asked her to write a movie based on her cheapo cashgrab gag textbook, she said, "Yeah, I can make a novel out of that! I - I'm a talented writer! People love my writing! They definitely love my writing and they'd love to pay money for things I wrote that don't directly feature Henry Pansley!"

So now she had to pretend that Fantastic Beasts, the cheapo cashgrab gag textbook about made up animals in a made up world, has a narrative. Not just any narrative, but a grand, sprawling narrative, one to rival, nay, SURPASS Herbie Porbie and the Seven Books of Wizard-Themed Coming of Age Nonsense. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, she assured us, was to be a magnificant tale, and one she planned all along, and CERTAINLY not a marriage of convenience to a completely stupid idea for a film that she was desperately sculpting into a narrative it had no ability to support for the sake of trying to recapture her already passed glory days as a writer.

And I think, in retrospect, this is a great illustration of the Terf Queen's great character flaw. She just can't fucking admit to a mistake, even when it's obvious to everyone that one was made. She will hop on board a sinking ship and keep doubling down on trying to get it to sail even as the water is up to her neck. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a serious narrative now, not a gag textbook written to wring a few more dollars from school children goddammit!

Recent editions of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them took out the Herbie and Donnie commentary, by the by. They also added many of the new half-baked monsters that were introduced in the movies, in a shoddy attempt to pretend this was the plan all along, and that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was always meant to be the seed of something great.

But it wasn't, and no matter how hard the Terf Queen pretends otherwise, it's obvious it wasn't. It's a cheapo cashgrab gag textbook, and that's all it really had to be, until greed and ego demanded otherwise.

[thehollowwriter]

📚🔺🐉💚🍔🤒

All for Silas!

(Still not done sending these 😈)

I'm excited to see more!

📚 BOOKS — What level of education has your oc most recently completed/is currently in (GED, undergraduate, grad school, phd, etc)?

Absolutely none. At all. Ever. At least not "formally" or "officially." He grew up in the Abyss, and there certainly aren't school down there.

Lady Rhoda taught him how to read, write and do math as well history and biology (sex ed at 20 something is better late than never,right?), but he already had steady income, so there was no need for trying "formal" education. He does research things on his own since he doesn't like not knowing things and having that used against him, though.

🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — Does your oc know how to use any weapons?

Silas most certainly does! While he mainly uses magic as his weapon, he knows how to use spears, harpoons, knives, and probably swords if you give him one. I feel if guns could actually work under the sea, he'll be able to use one. Also, a fun fact from Silas: seaweed can, in fact, be used to strangle if you use it right.

🐉 DRAGON — What is your oc's favourite mythical creature?

I'd say Sirens from Greek Mythos. He finds them fascinating. It does annoy him that so many think these half bird half women creatures look like merpeople, including the mer people. It's probably the first thing he'll infodump about. Finn has heard his rants about the many misconceptions about Sirens hundreds of times.

🍔 HAMBURGER — Is your oc good at cooking? are they good at baking? which one do they prefer?

Silas is good at cooking! Though he technically can't "cook" anything since they're underwater? But I like to imagine there are heated air vents on his property he can go to cook something, though usually it's just not worth the trip when there are many raw dishes like stuffed crab, seaweed wraps, etc that he can make.

Baking involves cooking in dry heat without exposure to flame, usually in an oven (hah! I learned that in Hospitality), so I guess he could do it in those air pockets and mini volcanoes? But it's far from house and not worth the trip, though maybe he will "bake" on special occasions. He likes it and is good it at it. He prefers cooking, though.

🤒 FACE WITH THERMOMETER — Does your oc get sick easily?

Okie angst time

Hah! Nope! He used to get sick a lot as a child, then (and kinda now too, actually...) he was just sickly because of how malnourished he was. His immune system is something else, truly, as he's been exposed to so many sicknesses and infections it'll leave doctors confounded. It's difficult for him to get sick. Well... though it wasn't necessarily an illness, he gave himself "refeeding syndrome" by trying to make up for what he was lacking when he finally had steady access to food.

Refeeding syndrome is when someone malnourished or starved suddenly begins eating again, and the quick introduction of foods can cause problems and even be fatal. This is why it's best to have the process of healing from starvation overseen by a qualified medical professionals.

Now Silas didn't trust doctors at the time, so he never went to one, but what he did do was simply go back to eating the same amount of food he used to so he didn't keep throwing up and getting sick. Morrigan eventually forced him to go to a hospital. (Silas was horrified when he learned what a feeding tube was)

Tagging: @distant-velleity @kitwasnothere @the-banana-0verlord @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @jovieinramshackle @skrimpyskimpy for Silas lore hehe

[padfoot0216]

911 Lone Star Headcannons

TK

- Is Autistic (I have already established this)

- Has Borderline Personality Disorder

- Idk why but I think he would like country music

- Really likes sea shanty’s

- Would 100% make that’s homophobic jokes (ex. Is told to clean the bathrooms, would reply that’s homophobic)

- Was a band kid, played a variety of instruments, started on obscure instruments one of the first being the accordion

- Carlos tries to teach him guitar, he gets it but can’t make his fingers move the right way

- Hates singing in public but is good at it

- Seeing as everyone in the 126 are part of a family they would be siblings. He would be the youngest middle child

- Would have done theater, didn’t act but did lights instead

- Yet somehow still has every script memorized

- Sucks at acting

- Literally just runs everywhere, whether he could get a ride or not.

- Favorite subject in school was biology

- Least favorite was math (he can’t do math)

- When he finds out Carlos likes photography he spends hours researching stuff about photography. He learns about how cameras work and we’re made and stuff. He tells carlos about it. Carlos does not know any of this. He just likes taking pictures doesn’t know the history. He appreciates it though.

- If he has a hogwarts house it would be ravenclaw

- can draw but thinks he can’t

- Would never swear, not because he has anything against it he just wants to see how many obscure substitutions he can make before people get annoyed

- Can’t drive. He used Mario kart to practice for his driving test that’s all you need to know.

- Would have watched don’t hug me I’m scared

Judd

- Hates country music

- Oldest son

- He would love squishmallows (you’ve seen him with pillows)

- Favorite subject in school was English

- Least favorite was history

- if he had a hogwarts house would be hufflepuff

- Sexuality would be unlabeled. Like he knows he likes men and woman but doesn’t exactly know what he is.

- One of the only ones in the 126 who can drive

Owen

- Good person, but bad parent (to his son)

- Dad of the 126

- Good parent to everyone but his son

- Is also autistic

- favorite subject in school was health

- least favorite subject was history

- hogwarts house would be gryffindor

- Can somehow only drive obscure vehicles but not like a normal car.

- Says he’s ‘not gay’ but has definitely dated at least one man and liked it.

Carlos

- can play guitar

- TK tries to teach him instruments, is confused but likes to listen

- Not good but not bad at singing enjoys singing in front of people

- is a photographer

- Has anxiety

- Is a cat person

- Can drive and enjoys driving

- favorite subject in school was photography

- least favorite subject in school P.E.

- would listen to TK rant about whatever for hours and be genuinely interested

- hogwarts house be slytherin

- can’t draw but thinks he can

- Begs TK to just say the word fuck

- Can drive but he failed his test 4 times

- The drunker he gets the more unhinged he is.

Paul

- Loves puzzles

- Oldest middle child

- Favorite subject in school was math

- least favorite was English

- hogwarts house would be ravenclaw

- Like will wood

- Can drive but is a perfectionist. Like if they need to be somewhere at noon they need to leave at 7 am because Paul will check every little detail before leaving.

Marjan

- Aroace

- Oldest daughter

- Favorite subject in school was P.E.

- Least favorite was health

- hogwarts house gryffindor

- Worst driver in the 126 don’t let her in a car pleasr

Mateo

- Has ADHD

- Yougest child

- can’t cook

- Favorite subject in school was science

- Least favorite was history

- hogwarts house would be hufflepuff

- Can drive but that’s all he can do. Like he can’t ride a bike and can barley walk.

- Poly/Pan

Nancy

- Not a sibling but like a cousin

- Was also a theater kid, can actually act

- favorite subject in school was art

- Least favorite was P.E.

- hogwarts house would be ravenclaw

- Can only drive small cars

Tommy

- Mother of the group

- Favorite subject in school was science

- least favorite was health

- hogwarts house would be slytherin

- Can drive

Grace

- Favorite subject in school would be music

- least favorite subject would be English

- hogwarts house would be slytherin

- Is a really good driver

- Similar to Judd her sexuality is unlabeled

- Would platonically flirt with Tommy

[gpuzzle]

unfinished farming game rant

getting progressively more and more annoyed at my failure to find a farming game with the autistic attention to detail of something like Factorio and its modding scene

farming seems to fall under one of two paths: the first one is the rural version of racing's rFactor 2 or, being kind to it, Gran Turismo; a gorgeous to look at virtual world that prides itself on realism, and at its best it will have the design and immerse you in that virtual world completely; simulation at its finest

unfortunately, it tends to be just a bunch of brands that make it selling point (real supercars you can't buy! tractors from every licensed brand under the sun!) to an audience devoted to jacking off to leather seats

the other path is the one which is Harvest Moon Again; it's functionally adapting the mechanics from Tokimeki Memorial and every game that followed in its wake into a small, consistent, repeatable series of actions that don't require a ton of complexity; the game is one part small, routine minigames, one part visual novel

both of these are fine experiences - Stardew Valley is lovely and I 100% believe the soothing effect of a Farming Simulator, but still not quite what I look for, and the autism of the Factorio modding scene has yet to divert towards biology

and while Strange Loop Games' Eco has the sufficient level of autism as far as ecosystem management, but it's also a life simulator; due to the game not having any PvP and the inability of a player to specialize in everything, it turns into the kind of game that veers into the same problems of MMORPGs; I'm sure I'd love this game as an option, but I feel it presents kind of danger for me as EVE does

the fundamental gist of the game that I want here is pretty much some degree of supply chain management (the gist of games like the already aforementioned Factorio) with thematics and mechanics centered around farming and the required infrastructure; whether that's wells, pumps and waterworks, the housing for processing whatever you harvest, or just the area of harvesting itself, we can have something in that vein

I mean what's the capstone cycle of early game Factorio, when the game slams headfirst into a difficulty spike wall? acquire copper, iron and coal through electric mining; the coal is then split into two paths, which are feeding the giant boilers that fuel everything and being used as the fuel for the first level processing of copper ore and iron ore; which then are processed in a number of ways and eventually turn into the two main research beakers (automation and logistics) to progress on the tech tree, and keeping a surplus for whatever other things you need (mostly the tower defense aspect)

this sort of gameplay loop can 100% be brought to a farm system; accounting for hydration, for light, for fertilization, the harvesting itself could be automated, etc

with these games, expansion is largely done via tech tree, but we could borrow a leaf from a completely different game - Prison Architect - which structures its short term missions as grants and uses that to fuel its own tech tree and limit to expansion - to push it in that direction

IDK, just spitballing here (for now!)

[chariotdun0rd]

What I think the lwa professors would teach if it was a normal school

Croix would either be a science teacher,physics or an engineering one,most students like her,she's probably the type of teacher that goes on little rants about their own personal life,probably also is really laid back about homework

Ursula is 100% an English teacher I won't take anything else for an answer, Everyone loves her and some students eat lunch with her inside her classroom and she is more then happy to allow that

I can't tell if finnelan or badcock would be the math teacher but at least ONE of them is,they are also the most hated among the student

Professor nelson is a PE teacher, probably makes the students run laps in the snow and be annoyed when nobody shows up to PE the next day

And professor Luckì is probably biology

Professor pisces just doesn't exist in this Au..

[phoebeejeebies]

lucky domingo headcanons

If lucky has a million fans, then I am one of them. If lucky has ten fans, then I am one of them. If lucky has only one fan then that is me. If lucky has no fans, I am dead.

she loves the beach. she was born in summerville, Oklahoma but she has family who live by the sea. and she Loves it. there's nothing that speaks more "home" to her than the beach. she has so many fond memories of making sand castles and swimming in the ocean

nonbinary lesbian, uses they/she/star pronouns

has a butch lesbian boyfriend who uses he/him, theyve been seeing each other since lucky was 17, and "officially" dating since 18 - Lucky's dad wasn't fond of his daughter dating until they were an adult at least.

Their dad is strict and a little overprotective, but loves Lucky dearly. Father's daughter archtype.

enjoys marine biology like it's her secret guilty pleasure. she's been fascinated with sea creatures ever since she was a little child

also loves engineering and chemistry. she's a stem girly trust me trust me

instagram enjoyer! snapchat hater! has a secret twitter page where they rant about things that piss them off. pinterest LOVER. has boards for everything, planned futures, houses, furniture, clothing, just general vibes, pretty colours.

i just know star loved icarly and victorious. star loves karaoke. definitely loved hannah montana also.

has a stick n poke tattoo they did themselves on their ankle. its small enough that her family doesnt notice. but it makes her smile every time.

dog person. likes dogs. grew up with dogs. especially big dogs the big fluffy dogs. big fan of dogs.

makes "that's what she/he said" jokes. only trevor finds it funny. podcast WOULD find them funny if he understood them, phoebe find them annoying and tasteless. (she also thinks her jokes are funnier. and make more sense.)

confident in her own abilities. she knows she's the shit. hates not getting taken seriously.

actually becomes really good friends with lars. they work together a lot, especially as they're an intern, and lars puts good faith in lucky. they seem to get it, and are on a similar wavelength, so lars trusts them. they're competent. he likes that. they're a useful asset to their team. and a good friend to talk to even after work

makes spotify playlists for every single specific situation, only to not play them ever. just listens to the spotify generated mixes instead.

keeps tabs on all the ghostbusters. half because she's nosy and curious, half because she wants to make sure everyone is okay

won't admit it to his face but trevor is one of their closest friends. no one gets ghostbusting the way he does. they liked their friends in summerville but they were mostly surface-level relationships, friends for the sake of company in a dead-end town.

will never stop teasing trevor for having a crush on them when they first met. lucky finds this endearing and a little funny. trevor, at first, is a bit embarrassed but he laughs about it now too. they're very good friends.

is an only child (but has a really big extended family). treats phoebe like stars little sister. phoebe goes to lucky for intimate advice that she feels trevor wouldn't understand. he's a little brash with feelings, even though he means well and that pisses phoebe off sometimes.

has a love hate relationship with NYC. would rather be by the ocean.

her favourite colour is purple

andddd scene.

[anishenanigans]

I think it's time for a new pinned post. Hello!! I'm Ani and this is my blog.

You can call me Ani, Anim, Finn, or any other variation you come up with on any of my online names. I'm cool with any pronouns but mostly use She/They.

I'm a minor (17). please do not be Weird.

Some of my interests include:

Zoology, biology, environmental science

Animal husbandry

Art and animation

My own OCs/Headworld

LEGO Monkie Kid

Wings of Fire

TLOZ

FE3H

Pokemon

HTTYD (books only)

Final Space/Godspeed

The Dear Hunter

(Main interests are marked in bold letters)

I love receiving asks, being tagged, etc! I am freshly un-shadowbanned and can interact once more. Can't guarantee I'll respond, I often forget to finish writing posts and they end up rotting in my drafts (please don't take it personally!! I'm not annoyed, just extremely forgetful).

Tagging system:

I tag eyestrain as #eyestrain and potentially triggering content as #[thing]

Anything potentially upsetting that I don't have a specific tag for is tagged as #sensitive

OC posts are #oc stuff

Art tag is #ani's art

Goofy stuff is #shitpostery

Misc thoughts and rants are #ani rambles

Guinea pig content is #guinea pig posting

I'm primarily active here, but you can also find me on Toyhouse, Twitter, Pinterest, and Artfight under the name Anishenanigans.

[tonysslut]

Hey, I love your writing so much. Would you mind writing a fic where the reader and tony share a platonic love, like they can be best friends or something like that. A fluffy one where he comforts her in a bad day. Its really hard to find this kind of fics for him . ☺️

Hi, angel! Thank you so much! I've never written anything platonic with Tony before. I also made it young!Tony. Hope you enjoy :)

Summary: Tony comforts you during a bad day

Warnings: Mild angst and some fluff. All mistakes are my own.

W/C: 696

Tony Stark Masterlist

Tony leaned against the locker as he waited for you to leave class. He could see you through the small window on the door, head resting in your palm, knee bouncing. You were clearly upset and had been all day.

When you arrived to class late, that's when he first noticed something was wrong. Dark under eyes, backpack unzipped with your textbooks almost slipping out. You sagged into your chair and leaned your head against the surface of the desk in front of you as you gazed vacantly out the window.

The hallways filled with students as the bell rang, chatter filling your already overstimulated brain. All you wanted was to do was go home and lock yourself in your room. 

“How was class, Tulip?” Tony asked when you stepped out of class. 

“It was okay.” You shrug, handing him your book bag when he extends his hand. 

The walk to his car was silent. Normally you talk about your day, letting him know how your classes were, and whatever drama was going around the school. He decided not to push you to talk, instead letting the silence linger as he reached for the door for you to get in, gently closing it when you started buckling your seatbelt. 

You leaned your head against the window, admiring the trees as Tony drove you home, but you furrowed your brows when he passed your turn. 

“What are you doing?” You asked. 

“I want to take you somewhere.” He replied nonchalantly. 

“Tony, I just want to go home. Please.” You sigh, not understanding why he couldn’t just take you home. All you wanted to do was hide under your covers till the next morning. 

You let out an annoyed breath, crossing your arms and moving your legs closer to the door. Tony frowned when he saw how you closed yourself off from him, but continued driving. He knew this would make you feel better. 

A few minutes later, Tony turns onto a dirt road and you instantly notice how the scattered trees start becoming more dense. He pulls up to the edge of the cliff and puts the car in park. Opening the door, you feel the cool breeze and pull up your hood. 

Your eyes begin to water as you sit on the edge, feet dangling in the air as you admire the waterfall from a far. 

Tony and you stumbled upon this waterfall by mistake and instantly fell in love with how beautiful it was. It became your spot. You’d spent countless nights sitting here, talking about anything and everything, and the fact that Tony brought you here meant so much to you. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Or do you just want to sit here?” He asks, sitting beside you and bringing you into his side so you can lay your head on his shoulder.

“It’s just been a bad day. I woke up with this heavy feeling and I thought it would disappear as the day went on, but it just got worse. Nothing went how it was supposed to. I was late for class, failed my exam, got paired up with the worst partner for our biology project.” You ranted as Tony rubbed your shoulder in a comforting manner. The more you talked, the more you cried. You didn’t realize how overwhelmed you were until now. 

“Hey, it’s just one bad day, Tulip. Tomorrow is going to be so much better, yeah?” He asks, looking down at you with a smile. 

You let his words sink in, nodding as you press yourself against him. 

“Yeah, just one bad day.” You repeat, taking a deep breath. 

“And if tomorrow is just as bad, we can come here again and we can talk, or we can sit here in silence. Whatever you want. You don’t need to bottle that feeling up. Lean on me. You know I’ll always help you.” He said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

A warm feeling washed over you as he spoke. You weren’t sure what you did to have Tony in your life, but you were forever grateful for the friendship you two developed. 

Taglist: @raajali3 @rookiemartin @strangeions @esposadomd @samyourneighbor @newavenger  @ccbsrmsf1 @aetherneto @hiddlechive

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[swan-of-sunrise]

The Halcyon Hypothesis

Summary: A chance meeting on the New York subway between a stressed-out graduate student and a brilliant but dorky scientist takes a surprising turn in both of their lives.

Pairing: Bruce Banner X Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Here’s another little one-shot I found hiding on an old flash drive! It’s officially dedicated to all you guys who’ve been struggling with finals and to all the other Bruce Banner fans out there lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!  

The Halcyon Hypothesis (Fanfiction Masterlist)

“Dammit!” (Y/N) swore under her breath as she edged her way into the extremely cramped train and tried not to lose grip on the large stack of notes in her arms. People funneled into the train behind her and in no time, she was crammed tightly into the train as the doors closed; if Professor Taylors hadn’t kept us after class, I’d be on an almost-deserted train right now with my own personal space, she thought with annoyance as the train began to move, but at least I can still cram a little studying in.

She planted her feet so the motions of the train wouldn’t cause her to lose balance and opened her notebook to her most recent notes. Sweat-covered passengers shifted around her as more and more people boarded at the next several stops, but she did her best to ignore them as she struggled to understand everything she’d hastily jotted down earlier. Burnout was hitting her hard as the fall semester drew to a close and her roommates were in the midst of a fight of epic proportions, so the only think keeping her going was the six cups of coffee she’d already had and the promise of another when she arrived back home. All of a sudden, the train slammed on its brakes harder than usual; most of the other passengers were holding onto hand straps but since (Y/N) wasn’t, the train’s jarring movement sent her stumbling into the man standing next to her. “Shit, sorry about that.”

“That’s okay. There’s an extra hand strap over here if you wanna use it.”

(Y/N) glanced up from her notes and momentarily forgot to speak when she caught sight of the man’s kindly smile and strangely-captivating eyes. “I’m fine, I’ve gotta hold my notes.”

The man nodded in understanding and she returned her focus to the scribbles on her page of notes. A few moments later, though, the man spoke again. “You mixed up a couple of your definitions.”

“Excuse me?”

He looked a little startled by her annoyed reply, but nevertheless he continued. “The, um, the definitions for adenosine triphosphate and adenylate cyclase at the top of your page should be swapped.”

Still slightly irritated that her studying was interrupted again, (Y/N) looked at the definitions he spoke of and to her surprise, the man was correct. “Well, I’ll be damned. Are you a biology expert or something?”

“You could say that. I, ah, actually have one of my PhD’s in it,” The man replied. Instead of acting smug about his apparent multiple doctorates, he seemed a little embarrassed to have mentioned them at all; he rubbed his neck awkwardly with his free hand and looked at everything in the train car but her as his ears flushed a vivid shade of pink.

His shyness is kinda cute, (Y/N) thought with a growing smile, her earlier annoyance long-gone. “That’s cool! I’m working on my master’s in biology right now and I can’t even imagine working on a doctorate; I’ve never been more stressed in my life. So stressed, apparently, that I can’t tell the difference between a nucleotide and an enzyme! It’s just that my professors won’t ease up on the workload and things are a little tense with my roommates so I don’t get much studying in at home, and-” She stopped her rambling and cringed internally; why the hell was she unloading all this onto a stranger on a train? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go on a rant there. Stress, you know…”

“That’s okay, stress can make people do a lot of weird things.” The man’s eyes were unfocused, as if he was thinking about something else, but the strange look disappeared after a moment and was replaced with a bashful grin. “…If you want, I could look over your notes to make sure everything’s correct? Not that it’s not correct, of course! I’m sure it’s great, but, you know, just to be on the safe side…?”

“Um…sure, I guess. Thanks!” (Y/N) handed him her notebook and pencil and watched as he began flipping through the pages, scanning the information and used the pencil to make corrections when necessary. The train clinked and clanked along as he remained concentrated on his work, and (Y/N) took the opportunity to examine him a little. His dark curly hair was streaked with a few strands of grey, even though he appeared to be on the younger side. I’d probably have grey hair too if I had more than one doctorate, she thought with an inward chuckle before resuming her observations. He wore wire-framed glasses that had a tendency to slide down his nose, and she could clearly see the smile lines that surrounded his vivid green eyes. Just as she was debating whether or not she should try to give him her number or just simply ask for the handsome stranger’s name, he closed her notebook and looked up at her.

“Well, there were a couple of mistakes with some formulas but other than that, everything looks great! Not bad for a person who says they don’t know the difference between a nucleotide and an enzyme.” His teasing words and flirtatious smile caused her stomach to flutter.

“Thank you,” She took her notebook back and clutched it to her chest. “Now I’ve just gotta study all this and try to pass my final on Friday.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine; your notes are very thorough and well-written, so you shouldn’t have any problem.”

“Easy for you to say, dude, you’ve probably got half-a-dozen PhD’s under your belt.” Her eyebrows rose when he gave her a sheepish look. “You’ve got more than that?”

The man shrugged as he shuffled his feet in embarrassment. “I’m not really the type to brag.” A silence fell over them for several moments until he spoke up again, his timid green eyes fixated on hers. “I, um, I just wanted to say that I think it’s wonderful you’re involved in the sciences…as a woman, I mean, because women haven’t always been encouraged into pursuing STEM careers but times are finally changing and I…well, I-I think it’s admirable.” He rubbed his neck awkwardly and he gave her a half smile that made her heart skip a beat. “You know, it’s like what Nichelle Nichols used to say: ‘Science is not a boy’s game, it’s not a girl’s game. It’s everyone’s game. It’s about where we are…’”

“‘…and where we’re going.’” (Y/N) smiled bashfully at the impressed look he was giving her and fiddled with the metal spiral holding her notebook together. “Lieutenant Uhura was my favorite Star Trek character when I was a kid. That’s sweet of you to say, Doctor…?”

“Bruce. My name’s Bruce.”

She shook his outstretched hand. “(Y/N).” Their eyes met and her breath hitched as she took in the intensity of his gaze, barely aware that their hands were still touching and that she could smell his intoxicating cedar cologne. The intensity of her courses that semester meant that she hadn’t had much time for romance but judging by the way she felt herself react to Bruce in the brief amount of time she’d known him, she could easily imagine herself charging headfirst back into the world of dating alongside the handsome scientist standing so close to her.

“Now approaching Grand Central Station!”

“This is me,” Bruce looked almost disappointed at the announcement but then his green eyes suddenly lit up; he scrambled to pull his wallet out and finally pulled out a business card as the train stopped and the doors opened. “Here’s my number, let me know how your test goes! It was really nice talking to you, (Y/N)!” With a small wave, he pushed through the packed train and out of sight.

“Bye Bruce,” (Y/N) mumbled dejectedly; she’d finally met a nice guy but he was gone as quickly as he came. But at least I have his number, she thought with a growing grin, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a long while. She looked down at the business card in her hand and nearly dropped it in surprise, for printed neatly on the card was the name Dr. Bruce Banner. “Holy shit! I had an Avenger look over my biology notes?!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, let me get this straight: you met a beautiful woman on the subway the other day, bonded over your shared nerdy love of science and Star Trek, and even stared into each other’s eyes for a little bit like they do in those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies…yet you didn’t bother to try and get her number? Geez, you’re rustier at all this than Capsicle!”

Pulling away from his microscope, Bruce took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I already told you, Tony, I gave her my business card before I got off the train. If she wants to contact me, then she will and we can see where we go from there.”

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed as he spun his desk chair around in a circle. “Yeah, that’s just the way every woman dreams of being wooed. Ever hear of romance, Brucie?”

“Did you seriously just call me-?”

“If you knew her last name and where she went to school, then we could have J.A.R.V.I.S. track her down and then you could go down there and surprise her…” The billionaire’s face illuminated with a bright smile. “I’m talking flowers, chocolates, expensive dinner reservations, front-row tickets to Hamilton, the whole shebang. You could easily sweep this chick off her exhausted and stressed-out feet, dude, if only you’d just bothered to take a page out of your BFF’s book.”

Bruce snorted. “And conversely, have you ever heard of stalking in the fourth degree? Those tricks might work with Pepper but you’re you and I’m me, Tony, and I’m definitely not the kind of guy that women would want to be swept off their feet by. I can’t even remember when I last went on a date, it’s been so long-”

The muffled chiming of Bruce’s cellphone echoed throughout the laboratory and interrupted his protests; he unearthed the phone from beneath a pile of loose papers and frowned when he noticed a new text message from an unknown number, but his confusion quickly shifted to elation once he read the text.

Unknown: Hi Bruce, this is (Y/N) from the train. You’ll be pleased to know that I got an A on my final!

The gif of a cutely-animated Spock dancing around in circles on the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise made Bruce snort in amusement, and it was soon followed up by a second text.

Unknown: Would it be too forward to ask if I can buy you a coffee, to thank you again for double-checking my notes and brightening my day?

“It seems that I might’ve misjudged your mystery lady…” Tony admitted as he peered over Bruce’s shoulder at the cell phone in his hand, a small but genuine smile on his bearded face. “You know what the word ‘halcyon’ means? It indicates a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful, but a funny thing about that word is that can also describe happiness in the general sense.” Bruce arched a brow and the billionaire shrugged. “Pepper’s got me listening to some philosophy podcasts, they’re weird but pretty good. My point is that your chance for halcyon isn’t gone, my Jolly Green friend; it’s quite literally in the palm of your hand, but you’ve gotta be the one to hold on tight to it.”

The billionaire clapped Bruce on the shoulder and whistled a show-tune as he left him alone in the laboratory. The scientist reveled in the lighthearted feeling that threatened to consume him, unable to recall the last instance he’d felt so pleased to receive a simple text; (Y/N) knew about the Other Guy and the life Bruce led as an Avenger, and yet she still reached out on her own volition and even invited him out for coffee. It was presumptive to assume she felt the same way about him, but he’d be naïve not to acknowledge the intensity that had been evident in her (Y/E/C) eyes when they shook hands on the train.

“It’s just a cup of coffee,” Bruce muttered to himself, nervously biting his lip as he stared down at his phone, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard in hesitation. “Not necessarily my halcyon…”

The scientist typed out his enthusiastic reply and he couldn’t help but smile again, his heart hammering away in his chest as he thought about all the data he’d need to collect to prove his halcyon hypothesis correct and how nice it would be to have a scientist as lovely as (Y/N) to conduct some experiments alongside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Aww, I love a happy ending! Bonus points to anyone who can guess which show-tune Tony was humming (Hint: It’s from an old film musical that people consider to be a Christmas movie lol). Thank you all so much for reading and commenting, and I hope that you have a wonderful holiday season!

Fanfiction Masterlist

Marvel Taglist: @brooke0297

All Works: @crowleysqueenofhell @momc95 @groovy-lady​