#anon having a normal one again...

[itsdrawingmen]

I already looked it up in the game and yes, you are right. Zen says that if Yoonsung were a WOMAN she would be his type of girl

Sigh

I don't think you really read what I write, you see what you want to see, but I like to make consistent arguments and analysis, so I'll answer this for my own enjoyment.

Let's do it from the top.

Yeah, sure, Zen says 'if he was a woman'. Take that as you will. What IS hilarious, however, is that you decided to say they love each other as brothers in the same breath. Which is never ONCE canonically stated. Who does call Yoosung a 'little brother' is MC, and the 'if he was a woman' line comes specifically from an interaction when she does. And I will remind you, when she does, Zen answers with this:

Not only does he NOT call him a brother, his mind immediately turns to romance. This is a normal and hinged thing to say about someone you like as a 'brother', according to you. I should go ask my brother how he'd feel if I said shit like this about him. I don't think he'd like it.

But, again, interactions can be read in different ways. And I think we already overanalysed this one. We won't come to an agreement about it. The facts are the following:

Zen and Yoosung never refer to each other canonically as brothers;

Zen and Yoosung are not related, by blood or legally.

If you wanna be pedantic about it, Zen joined the RFA when he was 20, and Yoosung 17. They don't seem to have interacted much right off the bat, Zen wasn't really a willing participant in the RFA, and he wasn't extremely friendly, per se, as evidenced by the Christmas DLC. They likely first met in person at the second RFA party, when Yoosung was 18 and Zen 21, and picked things up starting around there. Somewhere after that, as mentioned by Yoosung, they got so close that they would just call each other to yap on the phone about everything and nothing. For all intents and purposes, they indeed are two unrelated adults who care for each other very much. Or, friends. There is such a format of relationship, besides romantic and familial. And friendship sometimes blooms on its own, and sometimes it does bloom into romance. Believe it or not, like it or not.

On that note, who Zen does explicitly say reminds him of his brother is Jumin. Out of curiosity, do you go after juzen shippers?

Your next question is 'would I ship V with the twins'. What if a mouse drove a Honda Civic, amirite? V/Chois is not a good choice to exercise your whataboutism, because it has literally zero in common with yoozen, but I will entertain you. I don't think I'd ship it. In part, it's because V, a rich young adult, met the twins when they were fifteen and poor, and was quite heavily present in at least Saeyoung's life starting from there, but also because he had immense power over them, financial, connectional, and informational. However, that is not, and was never, the case with Yoosung and Zen. So I don't see how not shipping V with the Chois while shipping Yoosung with Zen would be hypocritical of me.

Besides, that ship just lacks substance to me because I don't see the dynamic necessary.

Also, V is barely a 'father'. At best, he's a shitty irresponsible guardian, but that's a question for a different discussion.

Up next: I don't write Saeyoung smoking or drinking alcohol, I don't know why you felt the need to ask me that. Everything I write or draw about the mysme characters, I like to keep canon-compatible. Saeyoung doesn't smoke or drink, his self-destruction takes on other forms.

And finally, my favourite thing that you saved for last, and I did, too. Never have I once tried to 'force' you to be like me. I literally explicitly said 'you do your thing, I'll do mine', yet here you are, sending me anon rants about how wrong I am. I told you, I've been doing my character analysis, and I don't think I'm misinterpreting any of them. I just stick by my opinion and my reading, is that a wrong thing to do in your books?

I'm not in power over anyone in this fandom, and I don't act like I am. You could probably say I'm normalising shipping Zensung. Which, well, maybe I am. But with that, what I think I am normalising is sweet friends-to-lovers dynamics, where both parties genuinely love and care about each other, engage in sexual and non-sexual intimacy with kindness and mutual admiration, learn from each other and are in active exchange. They have their own flaws and hangups, and sometimes they take it out on each other, but at the end of the day, they're able to tackle problems as a team. I want to see such relationships, and I write them. You can do the same with what you want.

And also, seeing as the Block button is free but you decided to choose violence:

[iamhereinthebg]

I was on the subway and I read a fic about Mystery Kids on Ao3 and suddenly I started crying?

Anyways, you said your shoulders/arm hurt, I hope you feel better now!

The cutest aaaaah

Anon I am on my knees asking if you know any mystery kids fic because I only know like

two (and I think one got deleted and I don't really vibe with the second one dhsjkds :'))

So glad you liked this one so much though :DD Fanfics are so cool

If anyone has any fics on the mysteries/mystery kids please tell meeee ToT (disclaimer: I read most of the fics on the tag of Akane, the three clock keepers, Shijima and Mei on ao3 already rip I don't read on any others websites for fics though :DD ) but even if I may have read it already idc I need to know I may have missed some dhskjds

And thank you I am doing better!! :DD still have a lot of appointements but I believe It will only go in the right direction u.u

[askchilchuck]

*turns you into a chinchilla* (ooc: if you don't want to go thru that whole arc again just make it so I'm giving Chilchuck a chinchilla)

He does not seem pleased with you.

[airenyah]

I get you about the hetero vibes of JD. Like there are CPs who act like they have been married for years and I am inclined to believe that and there are CPs who are just happy their job is to flirt with their homies and they lean into it. The latter is JD to me. Like no matter how much they would flirt, I won't believe they are actually together. I can belive they are best friends, even soulmates but not a couple

yep, exactly! i mean, JD also act like they've been married for years in a way, but as i mentioned in my other reply, it just feels like more of an inside joke and feels much more platonic than romantic

and they most definitely have fun flirting with each other. i think it's as entertaining for them as it is for us. especially for joong. i think it's a well known fact that no matter how insane you think you are about JD, you can be sure that joong is more insane about JD than you are. and i fully support him in that <3

[necrotic-nephilim]

Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?

not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.

i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.

which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.

and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.

i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!

[petorahs]

what other hsr ships do you like, if any?

quite a few!

(disclaimer pls dont get mad at me for any ships i mention, and note that they never affect what i draw for Avenday 😭)

I have a ScrewTio wip coming up and ive drawn them before :3 literally so interesting. just as much foils as Avenday i would say

other than that in terms of OTP: AcheSwan, BronSeele, Jingliu x Bai Heng, whatever the hell Feixiao x Jiaoqiu x Moze polycule have going on

do NOT separate the girlfriends or i'll start tweaking..(lighthearted)

as mentioned in prev tags i love both RobiFly and StelleFly! CaeFly is... ok i guess but only if i put them in my elaborate headcanons and even then it works just as well with Stelle. I plan to draw RobiFly soon they are soooooo cute to me :3

theres more but i'll mention in tags!

[werewolfetone]

Me in the IRA: what ardfheis the milfs on 🤔

Gerry Adams: GET OUT ❗❗

This is what was on those boston college tapes that were subpoenaed probably I think

[a-lilyinthevalley]

(Floral Wreath anon here!)

*Grabbing flowers and plant parts while browsing a book, stressed*

Fir twigs, yellow acacia, fernleaf yarrow, tansy, garlic flowers, aloe, amaranth, ragweed, Jericho roses, agarwood, purple lion's herb, thrift, milkweed, asphodel, aster, bamboo, birch leaves, calathea, marigold, chrysanthemum spray, vetiver, Balm of Gilead, palm lily, crocus, daphne, ribbon plant, spurge, fennel, ash leaves...

Would rockweed help? No, no, that would just drag Wind Archer into this...

Snowdrops, golden star, ginkgo, liquorice leaves, bachelor button, barley, maybe waxvine... White and purple hyacinth? Hmm... Oh, Verse, why must you be so cryptic? No matter, let's see if any more of these flowers can be used in any potions to help things along.

Morning glories, lilies, sea lavender, lithops, pea lotus maybe, bluebonnet, purple medic, star daisies, lemon balm, monstera leaves, quina, daffodils, muskroot, lotus, beargrass... Wow this is a lot, but I'm only halfway through this jammy book.

*sigh* Okay... water lilies, four leaf clover, ginseng (ooh, makes wonderful tea), red poppies, pentas, pinkweed? Yes, restoration is good. Canary grass, spruce twigs, pine needles, rose-colored primroses, almond blossoms, flowering almond, bracken ferns, mountain pasque, pomegranates mayhaps... Pear blossoms, acorns, black and peach roses, wood roses, sweetbriar, wild petunia, white willow, garden sage, elderberry, figwort, hoodwort, lamb's-ear, comfrey, dandelions of course, what else...? Yew, meadow rue, bluewings, tulips, Cretan mullein...

Pansies, perhaps? Mm... we'll keep it as an option. Wild poinsettia, xeranthemum, and maybe zinnias. Oof, that was... a lot. Now to sort them by specifics.

Verse, if you can hear me, can we get any more clues about how to get White Lily back?

[You. Are amazing. I'm very normal about this. Pulling out the artillery plant and then mentioning Wind Archer had me DYING. You cannot just say that.]

Verse doesn't respond. However, Fwanon feels a breeze sweep through the room, and when they look back to the flowers collected, something has changed about them.

The bamboo, yellow acacia, snowdrops, dandelions, zinnias, and forget-me-nots are all... glittering.

The anon also notices a new plant added to the bundles surrounding them - wormwood, also glittering.

Had She marked the important plants, as a way to assist them?

[kaiotisk]

Hey, not that it means a lot from a no-face but, I hope whatever is going on blows over soon. I hope the days are kinder to you

hi that is honestly so sweet of you to say thank you

[pcktknife]

Ur right + i think pearl and Marina would specialise in different types. Maybe Marina could do steel type since that’s kinda sciency? Idk what pearl’s type would be but she should have a loudred on her team

anon is reporting live from my brain rn

[beanghostprincess]

Help I just finished the usopp v luffy fight and now I'm crying (I know what happens later and I knew this was coming but still)

I can give you a hug, a gun, or a therapist. I personally recommend the first one because I don't have money for a therapist and you need to live to keep watching the show so. Yeah. Do you want a hug-

[stormyoceans]

Wait, why does her partner have to be with you? does this person have no home, nothing to do or what?

because apparently, at the prime age of 42, he gets too bored staying home alone while my sister happens to be out for work over the weekend, and since he doesn't get along with his family, if he can't find any of his friends to hang out with the obvious solution is to make me babysit him 🤷🏻‍♀️

and the thing is..i don't want to be mean, i don't LIKE to be mean, but i just don't get it, because it's not like we particularly get along, or have anything in common, he just gets here, eats some snacks i have around, watches sports or other programs he likes, tells me about his job, and then leaves. it really does feel like babysitting. and sure, he is family in a way, but i can't fully be myself and relax around him, and i can't just ignore him, so this always leaves me incredibly drained. not to mention that my sister always ends up warning me about it only a couple of hours before he shows up so my plans for the day inevitably fall through

and the few times i've tried to say no or set some boundaries i got yelled at both by my sister and my mom because apparently i 'have nothing to do anyway' and 'what if one day you're gonna need us/them? do you want to die completely alone?' which you know. definitely feels like an appropriate emotional reaction to me just wanting to relax a little over the weekend but yeah

thankfully he left earlier than usual today (would have loved to know beforehand how long he was gonna stay, but again. seems like im asking for too much), so hopefully i can still do some of the things i planned to

anyway. sorry for the rant, anon, i don't really like to be negative, but i just needed to vent a little ;;;;;;; BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING OF LOSING MY MIND OVER SHOWS AND JIMMYSEA

[rollercoasterwords]

is atwmd updating soon?

hopefully before january ends

[zer0point5ive]

david for the wip ask game 👀? if no david then.... wound (like an injury, not a wound tape)

send me a word !

“He meant a lot to you, huh? This ‘guy.’”

Lawrence sighed against pale skin, teeth dragging across a sharp collarbone and hands reaching down to thumb at the edge of David’s threadbare t-shirt as he considered the question. As he thought about his answer.

[quietwingsinthesky]

👀👀👀 Sorry for adding to your work but can I get Sam drinking Lucifer's blood

Hello hello hello anon sorry for the wait but hopefully the extra uh 3000 words makes up for it <3 and also born-again identity fix-it since it’s topical for me atm.

Sam is very familiar with dying.

It’s usually faster than this. He closes his eyes, and he’s facing Dean in Cold Oak with a knife in his spine or he’s sitting on a motel bed with a shotgun pointed at his chest. It hurts, but it’s brief like a ripped off band-aid. He goes into the cold, beckoning dark. He feels safe there. All the world fades away. Just like falling asleep, he wakes up a little later, his wounds vanished like a dream but the dried blood on his clothes left as a warning.

He’s never marinated in his own death before. He can feel it seeping into his pores. His head is throbbing like thunder even when Lucifer shuts up, too far gone to survive this without a miracle that isn’t coming. He was wondering a while ago what parts of him would fail first, and Lucifer “helped” by counting down the hours for him, straddling Sam’s torso with his fingers trailing over his skin. Poking Sam’s ribs vindictively as he laid out exactly when Sam could expect his organs to give up the fight. “First time dying alone, Sammy?” he said, doing that awful thing where his voice got soft and sympathetic just so that he could tear it away a moment later. “Dean’s not going to make it back in time. We knew that the minute he left.” Sam looked away from him, heave of his head to the side. “I’m here. I won’t leave you. Isn’t that comforting?”

He’d waited for a response. Sam couldn’t give him one. He’d decided to find the answer inside Sam instead, a vivisection that stretched on and on until Sam couldn’t cry anymore, and when it was over, there was no blood, no cuts, just Lucifer looking so pleased with himself as Sam tried not to throw up. Sam was too tired to do anything but turn away from him again.

Something new had kept Sam awake the past few days as his time ran out. A sound he’d been deafened by once before as the final seal broke and the Cage opened under his feet and all the light and power that was Lucifer came screaming out. Hearing it now made his teeth rattle. He’s never heard his hallucination make anything close to that noise. He taunts and insults and shouts in a very human way. Even his torture is crude and physical. Sam isn’t fit to be haunted by an angel, no matter how fallen. When the sound finally went silent again, Sam wasn't sure if he was relieved or not.

His hallucination hadn’t given him more than a day before Sam’s liver fails first. He might be lying. The fallen-out hairs on Sam’s pillow beg to differ.

Sam’s mind is filled with calm and dreadful certainty. It’s over. He lost.

And Lucifer still won’t shut up. He’s doing it to rub it in now, gloating. Sam weakly cups his ears, and that does nothing to block it out.

There’s been someone else in his room for the past day. She looks like a woman, finely dressed, watching him impassively as his condition worsens. She’s not one of the staff. He’s pretty sure no one else can see her, no one but him and Lucifer.

“Vulture,” Lucifer spits at her, “I’m not finished. Find somewhere else to circle.” She doesn’t react except to look at her watch and then look at Sam. There is something like pity in her eyes, the hollow sort that brings no comfort and takes no action. Sam feels weirdly grateful to Lucifer for snapping at her like a feral dog, even if she can’t hear it. There’s no way he could do it himself.

It’s not hard to guess what she is and who she’s here for.

Sam stares at her as his head throbs. Every part of his body aches. His heartbeat feels weak. She frowns, nods, and taps her watch. Not long, then. He wishes Dean hadn’t bothered to try and save him. He wants one last embrace, Dean’s voice all rough and faux hopeful telling him it’ll be okay, they figure this out. If nothing else, it’s comforting that with Crowley’s hands on the reins of Hell, no demon alive will be taking a deal with Dean.

Sam’s tired. It’s okay. He won’t fight. He’ll go quiet.

“Back to me,” Lucifer says, because he never lets Sam forget it.

Sam doesn’t even care. He’s out of vacation days. It’s back to the Cage, where he belongs. Castiel never should have pulled him out. Dean never should have dragged his soul along, too. He wasn’t worth the effort.

Lucifer laughs again. Sam flinches. The reaper folds her arms.

And then, for the first time in days, there’s silence.

Sam doesn’t trust it. He doesn’t let his eyes close. The longer it stretches on, the more his body tenses in anticipation. The other shoe will drop. It’s only a matter of time.

He hears a beating sound. His hair gets blown out of place, tickling his face. He can see three people in his room.

“Sam?” asks Lucifer, softly. He doesn’t look very good. He’s bleeding, open sores that line his face, his hands, and probably other places Sam can’t see. Sam’s head swims. His eyes waver back to the Lucifer who was here first, who doesn’t have a mark on him and never has. He wears his face like he never needed Sam’s.

“It isn’t enough I have to share you with her. Now I’m encroaching on my own territory?” he says like he’s about to throw a tantrum.

The other Lucifer turns to face him. Sam’s hallucination of him is as caught off-guard as Sam feels. Lucifer, the one who bleeds, tilts his head, looks this image of himself up and down, and when he looks back over at Sam, his expression is contorted in sorrow. “Is that how you see me?” he asks.

“It’s what we are,” the hallucination answers for Sam. Sam’s not sure which ‘we’ he’s talking about.

“Be quiet,” Lucifer orders. Sam’s eyes widen as the impossible happens, a flicker along the edge of his hallucination’s appearance.

“If Sam can’t make me, what makes you think you-“ There’s a desperate edge to his tone, wholly unlike the way he ever sounded when Sam banished him. Lucifer glares at him.

“I said, shut up.”

He’s gone. Just like that. Sam exhales. Lucifer turns to the reaper.

“You can leave.”

The reaper’s voice follows, “We have an appointment.” Lucifer sighs heavily.

“You had one.” He comes closer to Sam, sitting on the side of the cot. Sam shuts his eyes tight. Lucifer touches his shoulder. He feels cold. With all the hellfire in Sam’s head, he’d forgotten that. “He belongs to me. When he dies, I’m who you’d deliver his soul to.” He waits a beat. “Am I right?”

“You are,” the reaper confirms.

“Then your role here’s irrelevant. I’m collecting him personally.” Sam shakes. Lucifer’s attention turns, his hand weighing heavier on Sam’s shoulder. “Don’t be afraid, Sam. I’m here.” He pets Sam’s hair, and he grimaces when strands pull free too easily. “I let you out of my sight for five minutes…” his voice trails off. There’s too much pain in it for him to speak around. He swallows and looks back over his shoulder at the reaper. “I told you to leave.”

“I still have to make sure that his soul crosses over.” She makes Sam sound like a job. An important one, but still just business. Lucifer hates that. Sam’s not sure how he knows exactly, but he can feel it prickling under his own skin.

“It won’t be.” Lucifer’s fingers trail over Sam’s face, from the bags under his eyes to the almost healed bruises from his accident. “I won’t tell you again. I have spent the last century dragging myself out of Hell to find him. You don’t want to be the one to get in my way now.” She makes an extremely disgruntled sigh.

And then there’s only one person in the room with Sam. Alone together at last.

Sam’s eyes want to close badly. This Lucifer is so quiet, his touch so gentle and calming.

“No, not yet, Sam,” Lucifer says. “If you fall asleep now, you won’t wake up. Let’s not get on Death’s nerves anymore than we already have.” Sam whimpers. He should have known this was all too good to be true. Not even this Lucifer will let him sleep. “I know,” he murmurs, “I know. Believe me, I plan to whisk you away to a much more comfortable bed than this one and force you to sleep for a week, but there’s something we have to take care of first.” Lucifer’s hand slides down his body to rest on his chest. Sam breathes in, pushing his hand up minutely. His eyes narrow for a moment, searching. What he finds makes his frown deepen.

Sam makes a questioning noise. It’s more than he’s been able to force himself to do for a while. Lucifer’s made him talkative. Lucifer glances up to meet his eyes before fixing them back on Sam’s middle. “There’s a lot of damage here, Sam. The Cage doesn’t let anything go that easily. I don’t know how you’ve survived this long.” Sam almost chokes on a laugh. Easily. “I know how to heal you. I need your consent to-“

“No,” Sam croaks. Lucifer stops.

“I don’t want you to die,” he says, stubborn and upset.

“I'm not your vessel.” Speaking makes Sam feel like he’s going to vomit or pass out or both. Lucifer’s eyes widen for a moment before he regains his composure.

"That's not what I'm asking." Sam finds that hard to believe. Both of their bodies are falling apart. "You really think I'm just a monster, don't you?" He looks like Sam has actually hurt him. Sam... isn't sure what he thinks. His head is too filled with smoke, the clashing battle between the Lucifer in his mind who wanted to tear into him and the one sitting on his cot who wants to put him back together. He can't make them fit together. Lucifer is touching his face again. His thumb presses against Sam's lips like that's the closest either of them can bear to a kiss. "You need a little of me inside you for your body to be strong enough to heal itself, but that doesn't mean I have to take you as a vessel." Sam makes a face. "Stop looking at me like that. It wasn't an innuendo. I'm offering to bleed for you."

The fear that clutches Sam's chest makes his weak heart do double-time. He tries to push Lucifer's hand away from his face, but even if he had been human, Sam doubts he could have. "No," he forces out, "no, please, don't."

"Sam, calm down. You'll hurt yourself." Sam refuses. He won't do it again. He won't become that thing again, the monster Dean wanted to put down, selfish and arrogant and the reason the whole world was going to end. He won't let Lucifer turn him into that. Lucifer doesn't move, both hands on Sam's shoulders to keep him from trying to roll out of the bed to escape. He speaks slowly, pulling Sam back from the edge of panic, "I'm not a demon. My blood isn't addictive and it can't change you. Nothing about me can change you." His palm cups Sam's face again. "I'm already a part of you."

He's telling the truth. Sam can feel it. He doesn't understand how.

"Do I have your consent?" Lucifer asks again. Sam looks into his eyes. Lucifer cares about his answer. Sam inhales sharply as he realizes that Lucifer will save him, but that he also loves Sam enough to let him go. He won't be happy about it, but he'll respect that last wish. Sam can say no. Maybe it's a meaningless gesture when his soul will still be folded into Lucifer's grace, but if he really wants this to be over, if it's too much, than he can close his eyes and go to sleep. It'll be just like every other time, brief pain, into the dark, to be kept safe, only this time he will never wake up. Sam lays his hand over Lucifer's. All the devil cares about is what will make him happy.

"Yes," Sam decides. Lucifer is here, and it feels like he can breathe again. Quickly, Lucifer withdraws his hand. A cut opens over a patch of unblemished skin. It will be cleaner that way, but Sam's exhausted mind wonders if Lucifer would let him up to press his mouth against the burns and lick the blood up from them. He doesn't have long to contemplate that before Lucifer holds the cut over his mouth. Bright red blood drips from the cut, dotting Sam's chapped lips. His tongue slides out to taste it and more fall into his open mouth. It’s nothing like demon blood. The only similarity is how quickly the need for more consumes his thoughts. A drop or two isn't enough to sate him. He reaches for Lucifer's arm, hands trembling, and drags the cut down to his mouth. Lucifer lets him, leaning in to give Sam a better angle to latch onto the wound.

The cut is deep enough that when Sam sucks on it, it flows into his mouth like a stream. Lucifer's veins are opened up for him. Sam shuts his eyes, losing himself to it in seconds. There's a voice in the back of his head demanding that he pull all of Lucifer inside him, where he belongs, where Sam needs him. With thirsty gulps, he tries to make that a reality. Lucifer's other hand strokes his hair, lifting Sam's head slightly so that he doesn't choke while he's drinking. Sam's tongue keeps the cut wet, wriggling its way into Lucifer's flesh greedily like he can coax out more blood that way. The supply is steady, always enough to fill Sam's mouth, but not so much that he can't swallow it down in time. Lucifer's vessel obeys him, and it won't heal itself until Sam has first.

"Take everything you need," Lucifer encourages. Sam is holding on too tight, his nails digging little crescents into Lucifer's already bruised skin. He doesn't complain. Sam's not sure he can even feel it above the delirious joy of part of him being accepted back into Sam's body. "Take it all, if you want to. You can. I'd let you." Sam pulls off the cut to breathe. It still drips over his gasping mouth, drops rolling down his tongue to the back of his throat. The metallic taste lingers. There's no sulfur in Lucifer's blood, nothing but pure salvation, saved for Sam alone.

Drinking from him feels like trying to swallow an nuclear reactor. Sam can't get enough of him. The remnants of Lucifer's grace are mixed in with every drop, filling Sam up. Under his skin, he feels like his insides are being caressed, every pain wiped away. His heartbeat strengthens as Lucifer's grace gets into his own veins and powers the cells through. The fog in Sam's head doesn't lift, but it clears more than it has in days.

He brings Lucifer's wrist back to his mouth and latches on again.

Sam holds onto him with more strength than his body should have. He keeps drinking, mouthful after mouthful. With each breath, each heartbeat, Lucifer’s grace pumps further through every organ. Sam’s lips are smeared with his blood.

He’s not sure how long he drinks from Lucifer. He goes until his stomach starts to protest and Lucifer himself looks pale and unsteady. He’s stopped petting Sam’s hair to keep a hand against the cot, leaning heavily on it but never taking away his blood. Sam laps at his wrist gratefully before he pushes it away. It’s the reminder he’s needed for months of his own willpower.

Lucifer looks worse than he did when he arrived. There’s another wound blistering at the collar of his shirt. Sam reaches for him. Lucifer offers his wrist again, but Sam bypasses it, grasping his shoulder and drawing him close. Lucifer bows over Sam as Sam gently kisses the burns. He wishes that was enough to heal Lucifer.

“What’s the plan now?” Sam asks. He’s running on the strength of his high, but beneath it, he can still feel his body trying to shut him down and pass out. He resists of his own free will for a few moments longer in Lucifer’s presence. Lucifer smiles.

”That was the plan. I came to save you, and now I have.” Sam presses his lips against a scabbed-over sore. Lucifer is so beautiful. He’d almost forgotten that with only the pale imitation of his hallucination to look at. “I can bring you somewhere more comfortable to rest if you give me a minute to recover.”

”And after that?”

”I don’t know.” His eyes drift over to the desk on the opposite side of the room. It’s empty. It will remain empty. Sam can’t feel the whispering inside of his head that means the hallucination is about to come back. Even if it did, Lucifer has chased it off once.

“Stay with me,” Sam says. Lucifer looks back at him. He’s surprised, but with the offer given freely, he won’t deny himself what he needs. If Lucifer had a hard time existing without Sam when he had a purpose, as terrible an ends as the Apocalypse was, Sam can’t imagine he’d have any idea how to find his way in the world now without him.

And more importantly, Sam missed him.

”Okay,” Lucifer breathes, turning his head so that Sam’s next kiss presses to his mouth. It leaves his own blood on bottom lip, which Sam licks off. Then, he brushes another kiss to a burn on Lucifer’s chin. “They're only going to get worse,” Lucifer tells him. “I can’t heal them.”

“As long as we can figure out a way for your vessel to hold you, I don’t care.” He kisses another. This one is bleeding, and Sam doesn’t spare a thought to kissing it anyway. “Besides, I’ve got some new scars to show you, too.”

”Later,” Lucifer says. He lays Sam back down. Sam doesn’t resist. Not even the angel blood inside him can keep him conscious now. Lucifer lays his hand over Sam’s eyes. “I promise, when you wake up, it won’t be in this cell.” Sam chuckles weakly. The moment before he passes out, he remembers that Dean is going to return at some point. He opens his mouth to tell Lucifer to leave a note for him or something to let Dean knows that the devil’s (consensually) kidnapping his brother, but he’s gone before he can get a single word out.

[loderlied]

i like to turn anon on for ask games specifically i just wish i’d remember to turn it off after again 😐