#another day another therapy session for a girl who has everything i could only ever dream of đ¤Ą
the morning after // kth
pieces of peace; a series of therapy sessions
# 3 ! oc has broken up with taehyung and he struggles to understand the breakup
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paring:
sadboy taehyung + ex girlfriend oc
au/genre:
post-break up au / getting back together
healing, sulking, attempting to move on
angst angst angst
note:Â tbh this one has been in my drafts for literally MONTHS. i dunno what is even going on but i jus need it out lololol
Thereâs no point.
No point in anything these days.
No point in eating out because he was used to asking for a table for two and eating alone just looks so fucking sad.
No point in making coffee because he doesnât even like it. Regardless of how many sweeteners he put in his cup, it always tastes too bitter. Too bland. Too anticlimactic. But he sipped every sip just to spend time with you in the morning. So no, Taehyung did not like coffee but he loved you. He learned how to make coffee for two, not for one.Â
It hasnât been long since you left.
Itâs only been a month and a half but it feels like a lifetime without you by his side. You left and made his king-sized bed for one. He hasnât slept alone in years. He doesnât even remember what it feels like to sleep on the right side of the bed because that was your side.
Itâs the same way he canât recall what itâs like to have his heart to himself: it was yours. For so long, it had been yours to care for, to love, and to keep.Â
But shit happens.
Things change.Â
People change.Â
You needed space and Taehyung had to give it to you. He had to empty parts of himself for you. It left him questing who he is without you.
Yeah.
Who is he without you?Â
Itâs something his friend would constantly ask one another whenever he arrived late to dinners in hoodies and a sad smile. No one could make him feel better even for a millisecond. You were by far the best thing to have ever happened to him and everyone knew that.Â
Still, Taehyungâs friends tried.Â
Tonight, they invited another pretty girl that looked to be Taehyungâs type. Again, they play the not-so-subtle game of âhave you met Taehyung?âÂ
It makes him sick.Â
How I Met Your Mother was your favourite show to play as background noise. Especially when you two were preparing dinners or making sleepy 8AM pancakes before heading to your parentâs home for Sunday family lunch.Â
The girl looks a little too much like you. It pains Taehyung more than it attracts him. He feels stupid in front of his friends. He feels stupid for doing this to you because it wasnât your face or your body. None of that compared to the way you held his heart and loved him the way you did.Â
How you mastered comforting him on days he felt weaker than usual.Â
How each kiss from you felt better than the last.Â
How complete his life felt sitting next to you, watching the raspberry lemonade sky fade into a starry night.
How you completed him.
Itâs only been a month and half but he still misses mornings with you. The stupid mid-day texts youâd send because a mug, a random YouTube video, or a picture of a cute dog popped up and reminded you of him. It was everything mundane that had him enchanted by you.Â
He misses you.Â
From slow and giggly sex, spontaneous convince store trips at 2AM, and even quiet dinners after an argumentâhe wants nothing more than those moments back. He wants nothing more than for you to come back and just be his again.
It aches.
Every part of his day aches as heâs all alone. Who's by your side? Is it that guy from your workplace that couldnât get the hint? Is it your best girlfriends that never really liked him in the first place? Or are you by yourself too?
The only thing Taehyung doesnât miss about you is the way you made him feel the morning after.
When he woke up groggy, eyes puffy from crying, and worst of all: hopeful. He has never wanted to wake up from a nightmare this bad before. It was that morning when he brewed coffee for two, ate out for dinner, and asked for a table for two, and found himself dragging his feet with his head hanging low on his walk home all alone.Â
It takes so much of him to fix these habits.Â
Brew coffee for one, not two.Â
Table for one, not two.Â
Live for himself, not you.Â
It felt silly. The whole break-up and the ache wrapped around it like a bow. There was no point in feeling that kind of devastation, right? Taehyung knows heâll get over it. Though it may be hard and nearly impossible, he will one day get over you.Â
But not today.Â
Not the morning after, not the week after, not months after.. Heâll continue to hurt until you come back to him and heal him or he goes numb from all this fucking bullshit.Â
Taehyung has never felt more alone in his life.Â
Then, his phone buzzes.
Jimin [3:29AM]: Weâll stop setting U up on dates if U want. We can come over and make sure Uâre eating right if U want
Taehyung [3:32AM]: Nah
Jimin [3:37AM]: ⌠Or idk talk to her? Talk to a therapist or smt. Idk. This isnât U. Feels like weâve been losing U lately. Donât break up with us.
Taehyung [3:41AM]: Lol
Taehyung sighs, not bothering to keep this conversation going. Itâs all the same. Itâs the same pity and the same self-help suggestions. It all burned slowly and made him feel crazy. He wasnât crazy because, in the darkness of his bedroom, he thinks to himself: this helps.Â
Talking, acknowledging, and letting myself feel everything right now by himself.. Helps. For now, this will suffice. Being here for himself helps. This is therapeutic. Â
Besides, he doesnât have the energy to go to a therapist and force himself to open up. Maybe he should go there when he knows his feelings a little better himself.. Yeah. Thatâs more like it.
Itâs like this: if he knows he feels alone, what was the point of trying to fill that void when itâs yours to fill? You are only his to love and that defeats him entirely. He doesnât want to call or text you because he wants you to do that on your own.Â
There was no point in begging or trying to fix himself. Why couldnât he just be broken in peace? Be aimless and call it healing. Taehyung doesnât want direction right now. He didnât want there to be a point or to even think of love. The questions were endless, but the answer had been prefixed from the very beginning.Â
Then, his phone buzzes. He expects it to be Jimin.
YN [4:01AM]: Hey
YN [4:01AM]: U up?
Taehyung [4:03AM]: Hi
YN [4:03AM]: Can we talk?
Taehyung [4:04AM]: Idk. About what?
YN [4:04AM]: Us? The morning after? Anything
Taehyung [4:07AM]: Come over. Iâll make us some coffee
YN [4:08AM]: But you donât like coffee
Taehyung [4:08AM]: I still drank it every morning with U. Also, Idk how to brew coffee for one so just come over. Weâll figure it out
YN [4:09AM]: Okay. Letâs figure it out
Taehyung [4:09AM]: Good
Taehyung [4:12AM]: I miss you
YN [4:13AM]: I miss you too
Taehyung smiles at his phone. He gets up and goes to his kitchen to begin brewing coffee for two. He isnât sure what this means or what is to come.. But he has a feeling thereâs a point to all of thisâthat the morning after would be a new beginning.Â
After all, what was the point of love if it wasnât going to be you?
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Moments the Foxes were Werewolves
Okay, Iâll start this off by freely admitting that I am werewolf trash. I love werewolves. Iâve been reading Teen Wolf fanfiction for a decade. So thatâs my research bias here. So many moments read like Teen Wolf fanfiction in the absolute best way, so I think an argument could be made for the Foxes being werewolves. Or at minimum Andrew being a werewolf. And probably Renee.
Iâm not going to get into the quote proof of how handsy Andrew is because I have made 3 posts already about how much he touches Neil across the 3 books. If thereâs anything Iâve learned from all of the werewolf media Iâve read and watched, theyâre a handsy lot. More comfortable with casual touch, more threats based on direct contact (because if you canât get in direct contact immediately, the threat might not mean anything anyway.)
We see a lot of other instances where the rest of the Foxes are pretty touchy as well. A lot of that happens on the court, your classic good game butt slaps or whatever, but the upperclassmen girls hug, and Dan and Matt (are dating but whatever) and the fact that the monsters all sit on one couch together etc etc.
The way the team sorts out alliances and power structure in the first week of summer training also screams werewolf pack to me, especially a pack that has to come together from a bunch of misfit kids. Chapter 7 of The Foxhole Court contains most of my evidence in this regard. Below are the sections I pulled as most relevant.
By Neilâs third day on the court, he had no idea how the Foxes made it to championships last spring. His guess that the team was up of four groups was partially accurate, but the lines heâd drawn were flexibleâŚ
The entire first week of summer practices was eaten up by in-fighting as the court hierarchy fell into place again. When Dan was acting as their captain, she ruled them with the same angry spine Neil saw that first day. She didnât hesitate to push people into line and the Foxes let her have the final say in everything. Even Andrew followed her orders, though Neil guessed it was because he was amused by her supposed fearlessness...
The fighting hit a peak on Wednesday afternoon when Andrew left practice early for his weekly therapy session. The second he vanished, Seth went for Kevin with fists flying...
The rest of the Foxes fell in under them in an ever-shifting order. Sethâs position on the team varied the mostâŚbut he was too much of an isolationist to make much of a difference on the court⌠Allison carried weight because of her seniority and her aggressive attitude on the courtâŚ
Neil didnât have a place in that hierarchy yet. His teammates held so little regard for him he didnât even have the dubious honor of being dead last...
Wymack rarely interfered in the fighting. He let them brawl and then punished them with intense cardio and excruciating drills. Seemed heâd long ago decided his team could only function by testing themselves against each other and establishing their own ranking. Neil thought it madness at first, but as the week progressed he could see the team finally figuring out the limits and alliances between them.
They literally fight it out and a lot of the power structure comes down to who can beat up who. Alliances are won and lost. Theyâre a pack without the inherent structure that comes with being well-established or family lines. If I start thinking werewolves along the Mercy Thompson series lines, too many of them are too dominant and the pack order canât settle. But eventually people take some intentional steps back to let the team work.
The fact that Wymack just sits back and lets them fight it out just adds another layer of this argument for me.
In terms of Andrew and probably Renee are werewolves, we start getting into the staring. This definitely goes back toward Teen Wolf werewolves rather than Mercyverse. Thereâs just a lot of intense eye contact as invisible conversations happen.
Ex: This moment with Andrew as theyâre getting ready to go to Columbia. The hands, the neck content, the dragging Neil closer to see his eyes, the dislike for liars, etc.
Neil couldnât leave with Andrew in the way, so he stopped as close to Andrew as he dared and waited for Andrew to move. Andrew did, but only to reach out for Neil with one hand. Neil tensed as Andrewâs fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, but Andrew only wanted to pull Neilâs head down. Neil focused on Andrewâs cheekbone so as not to go cross-eyed and let Andrew study his eyes.
Ex: Andrew in chapter 8, after they get back from Columbia. I have some interesting thoughts about how much Andrew would believe Neilâs story if he could hear the lies and anxiety, or how much heâs just accepting all of it because heâs a sap for a pretty boy with a tragic backstory.
Andrew reached up and forcibly uncurled Neil's fingers from his mouth. He pushed Neil's hand out of the way and stared Neil down with nothing between them. Neil didnât understand the look on his face. There was no censure over Neilâs crooked parents or pity for their deaths, no triumph over having backed Neil into admitting so much, and no obvious skepticism for such an outlandish story. Whatever this look was, it was dark and intense enough to swallow Neil whole.
Iâm sure thereâs some stuff in The Raven King that lends to this argument, but I apparently didnât keep any quotes that really stand out to me in the same way as the following ones from The Kingâs Men.
We continue with staring between Andrew and Renee.
In chapter 2, Andrew and Renee share this moment because Reneeâs hypervigilant self managed to overhear a very quiet line over a couple conversations and across a room.Â
âIâve never understood why he likes knives.â
Such simple words should not have gotten the reaction they did. Andrew went still and looked up, but he didnât look at Neil. He looked at Renee, so Neil did, too. Sheâd stopped mid-sentence to stare at Neil, but the Renee studying him wasnât the Foxesâ redeemed optimist. Her sweet smile was gone and the too-blank look on her face reminded Neil of Andrew. Neil instinctively tense for flight-or-fight⌠Renee shifted her inscrutable gaze to Andrew.
They stared each other down, soundless and still, oblivious to the bewildered looks their teammates sent between them. Andrew didnât say anything, but Renee lifted her chin. Andrew hummed in response and put the knife away.
This is an aggressively werewolf exchange and I will not be convinced otherwise. These fuckers are doing the âdeadly still and staringâ thing and if this was a teen wolf fanfic there would be descriptions of emotions passed in scent.Â
Next argument: This entire scene from chapter 6. Iâll try to annotate my thoughts, but itâs blindingly obvious to me. But I am a sucker for werewolves so I get that it might not be as clear cut to others.
It turned out he didnât have to. He hadnât realized the upperclassmen had come around to check on them, but Allison was past Neil in a heartbeat and she backhanded Aaron hard enough to nearly knock him down. She might have taken another swing, except Andrew moved like lightning. He caught her wrist to wrench her arm up behind her back and gave a violent twist to slam her to her knees. As she fell, his other hand came up and sized the back of her neck. It forced her head down when she landed and kept her from getting up again. Allison tried to say something but managed only a sick choke under his fierce grip.
Renee was almost as fast: maybe sheâd started moving when she realized Allison was going for Aaron. She didnât waste her time tackling Andrew, but threw herself atop Allisonâs fallen form. She wrapped her arms around Allison, comfort and support or a fierce warning to stay still, and stared up at Andrewâs blank faceâŚ
âAndrew, itâs just Allison. Okay? Itâs just Allison.â
âIt is not âjustâ anyone when she lays a hand on whatâs mine.â Andrew said. âLet go.â
âYou know I wonât,â Renee said. âYou told me to protect them.â
âYou failed,â Andrew said. âYou should have been faster.â...
âAndrew,â Renee said. âGive her back to me.â
Andrew is being possessive and protective of Aaron to the point of some extreme violence. This also feels like one of those scenes where someone has an emotional reaction and suddenly the werewolf is very present. Everyone seems to be moving faster than they should be able to. Renee is keeping herself small and playing the dominance games youâd expect in werewolf fiction, but being just as possessive of Allison as Andrew is of Aaron. âYou told me to protect them.â is a line that I certainly can interpret in the human way, but the werewolf way is also very clear to me personally. Iâm convincing myself more and more that Andrew and Renee are the werewolves and everyone else is just sort of normal and doesnât know that their goalies are supernatural. This is funnier to me. But I will continue with the other argument.
Our boy Neil gets involved and the scene does not get less werewolf.
âThatâs enough,â he said in German⌠He held his hand out over Reneeâs head instead and waited for Andrew to flick it a hooded look. Satisfied he had Andrewâs attention, Neil said again âThatâs enough, Andrew.â
Heâs not touching either Andrew or Renee. In most styles of the werewolf myth, touch and scent are super important and getting yours on someone can be really meaningful. Neilâs style of involvement is also playing the dominance games youâd see in Mercy Thompson style wolves. He is trying to do so in a way that is conciliatory and suggestions rather than commands.
More significant eye contact:
Andrewâs mouth gave a violent twitch, a grimace he forcibly repressed, and he finally looked up. The darkness in his stare almost took Neilâs breath away. Fast on the heels of shock was a bolt of triumph. Andrew had been back from Easthaven for almost two weeks, and this was the first sign that there was anything real going on behind that blank mask. Neil would have preferred to see the real Andrew under safer circumstances, but knowing he could be reached was a desperate relief.Â
If you just change dark look to glowing eyes and we once again have a Teen Wolf or Mercy Thompson werewolf staple.
The level of violence we have seen in this exchange is definitely Andrew-normal, but that is not regular-person-normal and yes a lot of that is trauma, but it could also be werewolf.
Andrew stared at Neil for another endless moment, then relaxed his death grip on Allison and let her collapse, gasping, to the asphalt.
If I havenât convinced you with this scene alone, I might not be able to, but Iâm going to keep trying.
In chapter 14 of the Kingâs Men, the fuckers have a pack-cuddle sleepover when they get Neil back from Baltimore.
âNo one talked about it, but somehow they all ended up in Neil and Mattâs room. Matt and Aaron shoved the couch out of the way, and the girls showed up a minute later with blankets. The living room wasnât meant to sleep nine bodies but somehow they made a workable nest out of it. Foxes came and went as they grabbed pillows and changed into pajamas. For a moment, though, Neil and Matt were alone...
Neil thought about getting undressed, decided it would take far too much effort, and sat down on his blankets to wait on the rest of the Foxes. He ended up in the dead center of the room, with Andrew on one side of him and Matt on the other.
My original notes as I was putting this together because I donât know how to say it any better: IF THIS DOESNâT SAY âwolf packâ NOTHING EVER EVER HAS. Like I could go find my favorite Teen Wolf fanfic and find the exact scene that this is. (Has anyone else read Indelible Marks by billtheradish? Pristine, still, 10 years after I first discovered it) Pack member is hurt so everybody piles together so theyâre all in reach and know that everyone is safe.
Fucking AARON stayed and Andrew slept in a room with a bunch of people he really doesnât trust to keep Neil safe. Come on.
In chapter 15, the Foxes go to the cabin in the mountains, and we hit another werewolf fiction staple: nowhere is soundproof enough. In narrative, this is just a moment of drunken candor that Allison would probably do sober but most of the others wouldnât. If I werewolf-context it though, you can consider that privacy is not a thing for most werewolves cooped up in a house together.
By the time the Foxes split up for bed, most of them were unsteady on their feet. Luckily Renee was sober enough to help shepherd the shakiest ones up the stairs. Neil almost followed before remembering his room was downstairs. As if Allison could read his mind, she leaned dangerously far over the railing and pointed at him.
âThis cabin isnât soundproof. Donât keep me up. That. goes for you two, too,â she said, and turned her accusing finger on Dan and Matt. Dan tried for an innocent look but was too drunk to pull it off. Allison shook her finger for emphasis. âNo fucking where I can hear it. It isnât fair to those of us who arenât getting any.â
Another cabin moment:
Dan hauled Kevin to a stop halfway back to the cabin. Neil heard Matter utter a low warning not to strike Kevin where itâd leave a mark, but it was a toss-up as to whether or not Dan heard him. Matt built a fire in the main fireplace when they made it back to the cabin, and the Foxes curled up on the couches and rocking chairs to watch the flames dance.
This one isnât deep or anything, it just feels very⌠soft pack stuff to me.
So yeah, my incomplete argument and textual sources for The Foxes Would Be Werewolves In Just A Slightly Different Universe, and this doesnât say anything about every âimpossible moveâ they pull off on the Exy court when they just shouldnât be able to. And Andrew not giving a shit about Exy but being very good and fast? Very werewolf.
Anyway, goodnight, Iâll be here all week, tip your waitress. Iâm going to see how dedicated I am to the idea of writing fanfiction in this concept.
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Trigger warning. Pet Loss/Grief
On Sunday, something happened with my best little friend. After evaluation, it was determined that she is really sick. Basically, I have to say goodbye next Friday after Thanksgiving.
My heart has never been this broken before. Every time I look at her I just smile or cry. I have one week until I have to say goodbye. Iâm kind of just writing on here because nobody really looks here. I have a few followers who follow me because of my Astro photography but right now I need a journal where I can just write how sad I am.
All Iâve been able to is write about how much Iâm going to miss her. I had a therapy session yesterday, and we got really deep into it. From that session, the biggest conclusion that I have come to is that I didnât save her, she really saved me.
She came from an abusive beginning, being forced to live in a crate after she wasnât cute anymore, barely being fed, being left out in 112° weather, to a loving, fun, exciting and exploratory life. I got to take care of her for almost 2 years. I have only had her living with me for five months. in those five months I have had some of the happiest, most satisfying moments that Iâve ever had in my entire life.
She is my first dog that I have ever had, due to my parents banning dogs from the house when I was growing up. She is a reactive dog, so itâs hard for her to meet new people or new dogs. She didnât get to socialize when she was younger, but I have tried to socialize her and it hasnât been a success.
As I write this out, she is laying on my bed, on my blue comforter, taking heavy little breaths, and snoring just a little bit. I am tearing up right now, just as Iâm writing this. I think this is one way to get grief out. I can say I have been in denial for a while, and I have been angry with myself. Iâm at the point where Iâm bargaining with God, just asking for him to take her home. I can only hope and believe that everything we love here will be up there. I donât mean the materialistic things I mean the things that have true value. Each day Iâm going to do something more. I think I am fortunate in knowing that I have a week left.
I think Iâm actually one of the lucky ones who knows that they get to do whatever they want for the next week with their dog. There are so many things that I wish I couldâve done with her but her quality of life would not be high if she continue to go on, she is a dog that could not be rehomed or taken in. Itâs not that I would feel like I had abandoned her. If I did that, itâs that something might happen if I do that with her. She would be scared and nervous, and wouldnât know what to do. Therefore, she would be reactive with anybody else.
I begged and pleaded with God that there was another way. But there isnât, and Iâve come to that conclusion on my own. Itâs not that he didnât listen itâs just that itâs a different perspective than what I know. I know that probably sounds shitty but maybe Iâm the only one thatâs supposed to understand.
I have written so many poems and drawn so many doodles. I have uploaded every single photo on my phone to my computer so that way I have them saved if they ever get deleted from my phone or my iCloud. I have printed off photos in a poster of her so that way I can have it in my room. So that way when I open that door, I can still say âthere she is, thereâs my little girlâ because thatâs what I do every time I come home. She gets so excited and begs me to hug her and pet her and play with her and I do.
Ever since I brought her home, she has done nothing but sleep in my bed at night right next to me. That is something that I have been missing for the past three years. A warm body sleeping right next to me snoring just as much as the other person I wish was there.
I realized last night or more at 4 oâclock in the morning that I do live in a safe area but itâs also not super great. There have been incidences that have happened around the campus and the apartments that are actually quite scary but I could sleep through the night, knowing that if anything happened, she would bark and bark to let others know that this place is protected. She protects me, every single night every single minute of every single day. She protects me from things are out of my control, and she protects me from myself.
Because I have to put a muzzle on her when I take her outside I get a lot of looks and stares from people. My neighbors rushing into their apartments when they see me out with her. Itâs not too bad, but it definitely feels some type of way. I donât really know how to explain it, but it can make me unapproachable. donât give me wrong. Iâm fine with being alone literally alone by myself in a city that Iâm not familiar with with no friends or family. But I think I was really OK with it because I had her.
I donât know what Iâm gonna do when I come home and sheâs not here. Iâve never had to experience that and I think Iâm really scared to do that.
She knows that something is wrong because she is asking for the pets and rubbing up against me, being more interactive with me, putting her little paw at me, and turning upside down on her back because sheâs comfortable and she trust me.
Itâs not that I can imagine life without her, itâs that it wasnât supposed to happen this way. I donât really have a way to make this organized as I really donât care just doing this is helping, but not really. I donât know if I can write every single day about whatâs going on but I want to so that at least I have some type of memory that can remind me.
This morning I literally took 25 minutes of video of us just walking around the park that we go to every morning. I plan on still walking around that park maybe not every morning but walking around the park with my headphones on just walking the same path that we always did. I have a little bucket list that Iâm able to do with her.
Of course she gets all the food. Of course she gets anything she wants. I went out and bought a peanut butter bone that sheâs already halfway through.
my doctor let her be my emotional support animal, and as a joke I always say that I am actually her emotional support human. But looking back at it all the past two years sheâs really actually been my emotional support animal. And not just that sheâs been my best friend. She taught me what unconditional love is. Sheâs taught me whatâs good for me. Sheâs taught me to have a routine and take responsibility and really take care of myself. As Iâm writing this, sheâs looking at me with closed eyes a little Paul up in the air, almost on her side and back, with her little ears up and back. Just trying to hear what Iâm saying. It looks like sheâs slowly falling asleep.
One of my favorite parts of her is that she is a pitbull. She is a American Staffordshire pitbull. She is orange Brown and white. Both her eyes are covered in that brown and thereâs a white streak that leads from her neck to her nose. Her nose is a little brown but whatâs really great about it is there looks like thereâs a spot thatâs on her nose and a little bit on the white part that isnât her nose, her paws are all white with some brown running down the side of her legs. We always said she looks like a little cow just because of where the brown is all located on her body.
She has these little sounds, she snores, she says, she pouts, and when she wakes up in the morning and yawns, you can tell that sheâs talking to you with her little vocal cords warming up, letting you know what she wants to do. She loves to go on walks. She knows so many words, she is such a smart dog.
Iâve decided to get her cremated and put her in a urn that isnât made out of glass. So that way maybe I can still sleep with her at night. I canât help it cry I canât help it. It just hurts so much. Iâm gonna add a little picture just so you see what she looks like right now in this moment. So that way I can remember what she looks like in this moment.
I wish there was some other way, but there isnât. And I have to believe that I will see her again otherwise, I donât know what I would do. Sheâs my best friend and I feel like Iâm betraying her, even though Iâm doing this out of love for her.
Her mind the way her brain works is her own worst enemy. I hate that she hast to be on medicine like me just so she can be calm. I hate that the medicine makes her so sedated that sometimes she canât be a dog. I hate everything about the situation. I canât help but think itâs my fault. But it couldâve happened sooner or later.
The vet, my therapist, and a few other people have told me that I have done more for this dog than anyone else in the world would have done. And I think thatâs true, but I would walk to the end of the earth and back and forward in through hell if I had to just to see her again Just to have her, live her life and be happy with chasing squirrels, eating all the food she can, and being healthy with no fear.
Iâm going to continue to try and do this. I want to remember the little things I want to remember the big things I want to remember it all. This hurts so much.
I was in my car, the other day driving home by myself and I think that I screamed and yelled the loudest Iâve ever done. So much that even to me, it didnât sound like myself. It actually sounded like pure grief and sadness and anger. So much anger But I donât even know who. Iâm not angry at the world, Iâm not angry at God. Iâm not angry with myself Iâm just fucking angry.
But as the days go on the anger comes and goes, but the sadness keeps staying. I donât know what Iâm gonna do when I come home and her cage is here with her water in her bowl. And her two beds and toys all over the place. I donât know if Iâm gonna be able to sleep in my bed or if Iâm gonna stay in this apartment anymore But if I leave itâs like Iâm leaving her. One day Iâm gonna have to leave and it wonât mean Iâm leaving her just means that the place Iâm going to is where Iâm moving on and where I wouldâve gone with her. It just sucks because she didnât get to Liv, more than five years she only got to live to be three years and four months. Sheâs looking at me and struggling to get up and rolling over on the pillows. I think Iâm gonna go hang out with her or do something maybe do my homework. But Iâm gonna stay with her until I canât at least until I have to let her go.
This really sucks. I know Iâm not gonna be OK for a while if not forever. My heart will always be broken by this. Itâs not that it will repair or it will be OK one day. Itâs just always gonna be hurt by this specifically.
I hope one day I actually get to see her again.
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harry adores yn with his entire being and i can tell that she loves him just as much but the poor thing is just so scared, and by what you have showed us she has a fair reason to have struggles
Through Hell and Back
warnings: cheating, mentions of domestic violence, this could just be overall triggering if you have experienced trauma or family struggles.
this is a very important blurb to understand dynamic and history of the characters.
PLEASE let me know your thoughts.
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Harryâs out at a bachelor party for his friend, Jack, at a noisy bar downtown where there is a mechanical bull and half-naked waitresses.
His phone rings at two-thirty in the morning, he already knows who it is and why sheâs calling him so late.
He steps outside the noisy bar, âHi puppy, yâalright?â
Harry already knew she wasnât.
Her voice is shaky, âEr, are you still out at the bachelor party?â
If he says yes, sheâll just try to say have fun and was just calling to check in - a lie because she felt like such an inconvenience at all times.
âNo, just got home,â He lied smoothly, he could hear her trying to hide a sniffle - she must have had a bad dream.
Every since she started trauma therapy, theyâd been getting worse, as she worked through her struggles with a therapist.
â
âI-I donât want to g-go in,â YN whimpers as she sits in Harryâs passenger side outside the clinic, âI canât talk about it.â
âBaby, you need to do this. You need to talk to someone whoâs trained to help you, okay? You promised youâd try it fâme,â He hums, rubbing a thumb over her wet cheekbone.
She shakes her head stubbornly, âItâs all going to come back.â
âYes, it will. Because you didnât work through it, you repressed it. There is a difference, okay?â Harryâs heart feels like itâs being ripped in two as YN looks like a caged animal.
YN squeezes Harryâs hand so hard it hurts but he doesnât mind, he can feel her fear being shared through the rough touch.
She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, âPlease, H. I donât want to remember.â
He sighs softly, âI would never force you to do something you donât want to do. If you really want to leave, we can.â
YN searches his eyes, sees his sadness and she knows she has to push through because she loves him so much, âWill you walk me in?â
âOf course, sâfucking proud of you. My strong girl,â Harry praises, kissing the top of her head, and shutting off the car.
He walks her in, watches her as she hesitantly goes back in with her new therapist, and sits in the waiting room for the hour and a half until she comes out.
He does that every week without miss.
Drives her, walks her in, sits in the waiting room, and then drives her home.
She doesnât usually talk much after the sessions, her eyes swollen and puffy which is a telltale sign she cried during the appointment.
Harry holds her hand on the ride home, sometimes draws her a bath or tucks her in for a nap under his covers.
One day, after therapy, they crawled into his bed together. She hadnât said one word since she walked out of the office but she looks tiredly at Harry.
âWhy?â
Harry frowns, âWhy what?â
She hides her face into the fluffy pillow, words mumbled, âWhy do you want me? Iâm so broken.â
âHey,â Harry responds loudly, pulling her up and giving her a serious look, âYou are not broken. Even if you were, Iâd love every broken piece, okay? I want you because Iâm so in love with you it doesnât make sense.â
YN shakes her head, âI donât deserve you. You-you have to drive me to therapy every week, leave work early, have to make it up the next day.â
And well, his heart breaks a little because she truly believes that.
Harry grips her jaw, gently, âIf you need to go to therapy for the rest of your life, Iâll drive you until Iâm ninety. Iâll drive you five days a week if you need it.â
He continues,âI donât deserve you, sweet girl. Strongest, bravest, most resilient person Iâve ever met. You are my soulmate and I believe that wholeheartedly.â
âI want to nap now,â She whispers, crawling back into her shell where sheâs safe from the world, from facing her fears.
Harry just stares at her, the girl heâs had a crush on since fourth grade, the girl heâd been in love with since ninth.
When she felt broken, well so did he.
â
âMum, I want to do more for her,â Harry cries to his mother one night at dinner after school.
âI know you do, Harry. There is only so much you can do. She has parents tha-â
âThose arenât parents, mum! You know that!â He shouts angrily, âI need to do more for her. Help her!â
Anne looks at him with a soft, understanding expression, âYouâre doing all you can, Harry.â
â
He was still doing all he can.
âI wa-was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie?â YN acts casual despite the tremor but he wonât call her on it - on the phone at least.
âIâd love to pup, Iâll be over on a tick,â already walking away from the busy bar.
Harry can hear the relief in her voice when she says, âOkay, Iâll see you soon.â
When he uses his key to open the door, she sat on her couch with all the lights in the house on, not one off.
âOh, pet,â Harry murmurs, all the blinds were drawn shut and he knew sheâd already triple checked that the windows were locked - despite the state of the art security system he had installed for her.
âUm, so are we feeling a scary movie or romcom?â She ignores his words, picking up the remote, and pulling up Netflix.
He flicks a couple of the bright lights off until itâs normal dim and he sits next to her on the couch, taking the remote and turning off the television.
âTalk tâme,â Harry coaxes, unraveling her from the heavy weighted blanket, and tugging her into his chest.
âMâfine,â YN lies on a choked whimper.
âYâsafe, you know Iâd never let anythinâ happen to you . Please puppy, tell me,â Heâs not to manly to beg for her to open up.
He allows her to nuzzle her face into his neck, âHe cam-came back an-and he -,â her voice drops, âbroke in here and I wo-woke up as he was opening my door.â
Harry holds her for a very long time that night.
-
With Harry and her therapistâs constant encouragement sheâd been able to be more open and up front with Harry - which made him feel unexaplainably proud of her.
Anna almost fucked everything up, all the hard work without even realizing it.
It was nearly three in the morning this time.
Harry was stuck at Annaâs house with her and her friends for a movie night.
Heâd gotten up to go to the bathroom when his phone rings.
Anna sees who it is and picks it up, âWhat do you want? Harryâs busy and doesnât have time for you right now. You know itâs not all about you, right?â
Then she hangs up, all of her and her friends giggling at how she just treated YN.
Harry is unaware of the call for a few minutes when he gets back until he gets a text from YN.
Iâm sorry I bothered you. I am okay. Have fun tonight x
He scrolls through his phone in confusion until he sees the call, he glares over at Anna, âDid you answer my phone?â
She has a cocky look on her face, âYeah, I told YN that the world doesnât revolve around her and to leave us alone.â
All the friends are giggling - but that comes to an abrupt halt when Harry stands up, knocking over the little table of drinks with his anger, âWhere the fuck did you get the idea that you could touch my phone, let alone answer it?â
All of them are quiet.
He scoffs, âNow all you annoying prats are going shut up? Get the fuck out of my way,â he orders to Anna whoâs pouting.
âCâmon, it was a joke. Donât leave,â She whines, grabbing at Harryâs arm which he instantly rips out of her grip.
âDonât touch me. I canât fuckinâ stand you,â He tells her honestly before storming out of her house without a look back at her teary face.
-
When he arrives at YNâs house, a book is automatically been hurled at the front door when he opens it, then another.
âHey, puppy, stop thaâ. Sâjust me, youâre okay. Sâjust me,â He coos, rearming the security system to make her feel better.
She is only in one of his shirts with the company logo on it and soft cotton boy shorts, hair frizzy atop her head.
âYâhave another nightmare?â Harry asks softly, all the lights were on again, every single one.
YN clenches her jaw, âNo.â
He hardens his expression too, âI was in the bathroom when she answered that call. As soon as I found out, I came over here. Donât be sour with me.â
âI didnât have a nightmare.â
âI know yâbloody lying because your legs are still tremblinâ. Now cut the bullshit and talk tâme, weâre not going backwards,â Harry tells her seriously, with all firmness he can muster.
âI love you.â
It takes him aback. YN told him how much she adored him but it was something that didnât come easy for her.
To hear it flat out, wellâŚ.he nearly almost melted on the floor into a pile of goop.
âI love you too, puppy.â
She takes a deep breathe, âItâs been that same nightmare, but itâs not really a nightmare? Itâs a flashback toâŚâ
YN swallows before she continues, âRemember whenâŚ.when I ran from my parentâs house to yours and my dad came and found meâŚâ
Harry doesnât want to remember but he does.
â-
âHarry, he-he just pulled up,â YN cries, peeking out his window, âI donât want to go home.â
âHarry, heâs screaming at your mum. I have to go.â
âHarry, I have to go before he does something stupid. Iâll be okay, I promise.â
âHarry, donât cry. Iâll be fine, heâs just really upset. Iâll just deal with it and it will be over before we know it, okay?â
ââ
âI remember,â He wavers like he normally doesnât, feeling like a helpless sixteen year old again.
It was moments like this were no matter how hard he wanted to be angry or scream at her for making their relationship so difficult, that he couldnât be.
How could he blame her for her commitment issues?
Why she struggles to trust?
Why she never feels good enough?
âIâm sorry to bring that up-â
âDo not apologize,â Harry interrupts, âI want to know everything you experience or feel no matter how traumatic or upsetting.â
YN despite her own struggles, when she heard Harry say things like thatâŚwell she knew full heartedly that he loves her with no conditions.
She knew this was so hard on him, âI am so in love with you, H.â
His eyes automatically soften and he reacts like heâs being praised. His face lights up without him even knowing it does.
âIâve been in love with you since I was sixteen, thank you for being my person. I appreciate everything you do for me.â
It was something she had been also working on in therapy, expressing gratitude- specifically to Harry.
And it works because Harry actually starts tearing up, eyes watering with emotion, âI love you. Iâd walk through hell and back for you.â
He would and he has.
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How to spiral out of control [Simpbur x reader]
Pairing: c!Wilbur Soot x fem!reader (Simpbur x reader)
Summary: How simpbur became simpbur. And how you grew up and lived with him.
Warnings: Obsession, unhealthy obsession, stalking, murder, drugging, unhealthy relationship, and Simpbur being a creep.
Words: 5K
Masterlist: Wilburâs Masterlist - Full Masterlist
A/N: Listen I had brainrot. And I don't know how to defend this. (Also requests are still open! Click here!) And it's unedited for now it's 5:12 am here I will edit later today
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Wilbur was a pretty insignificant child. The death of his mother being one of the most interesting things about his childhood. While he claimed not to blame his youngest brother for the loss of his mother. He certainly had a funny way of showing his youngest brother affection.
Wilbur is the middle child of three. A charming but quiet and well accomplished older brother, who seems to never have to end to his dedication neither success. And his youngest brother, a loud ball of sunshine that just seems to make everyone in a good mood. Truly good with people, something Wilbur never seemed to grasp.
His whole childhood tainted by that fact. Always living in the shadow of his brothers, the clear favourites of everyone who came near the family of four.
So his grades was just average, never good enough to get acknowledged, never bad enough to need extra attention. Just average, like the rest of him. He grew up lanky, not athletic neither unable to run. Wilbur was grey in a family of golden people. His father raised them alone for most of Wilburâs life. His father that despite never saying it out loud had clear favourites in his brothers. It was always, oh and Wilbur too!
Never him, never just him.
So, Wilbur spent most of his childhood lonely, disregarded and weird. A pitiful child. A pathetic child.
The thing is there was one thing, that made Wilbur worth anyoneâs time. One person. You.
His childhood best friend.
Well, thatâs what anyone who only knew Wilbur would say. Because you were the only friend he had. However, it was different for you, although the two of you were good friends, you wouldnât call him your best friend for years. That didnât happen till you became teenagers.
You had always tried your best to include the weird kid in playdates, birthday parties, and playground games. But nobody else seemed to find him worth their time, with his weird and morbid comments. But you persisted that he wasnât that weird, besides his older brother was really cool.
So, you stick around, you stick around as playdates become hangouts, as dolls become makeup, and homework goes from learning to read to writing essays.
While you had many friends, both come and go and stay, Wilbur had been there for as long as you could remember. A playground proposal documented on home video. And a remake of it on the day of your school dance. You had played along, but it was known to everyone that your childhood friend wanted to be more than friends. But you stayed, smiled for the camera and laughed it off.
Then the school dance was over, and the last exam had been taken. Thatâs when you moved a country over, and slowly you lost contact with the people you used to call friends, but Wilbur stayed. Wilbur always stayed.
He finally got the spot as the best friend in your mind too. A definite win in his book.
Wilbur had always been odd, a bit to the left of normal. But now, with distance and screens in between you, he only started to act more concerning. This was around the time he started talking about feeling depressed and useless.
Of course, you always told him you didnât believe that, what else were you supposed to say? Your friendship turning more and more into therapy sessions once a week for Wilbur on your end. While for him it was the highlight of his week.
Clicking the call button beside your profile picture, an anime girl from one he had recommended to you himself. One he had stayed up an entire night to shift through different animes to find the perfect one to send your way. One he was guaranteed you would watch.
âWilbur, I should really get off.â
âCâmon stay on just a bit later, please.â
The silence deafening over the video call, he watches you intensely as you pull your legs into your chest, your shitty webcam standing beside you on your bed.
Wilbur reached out for the energy drink beside him, a new habit he has picked up. The more hours spent on the computer, the more he seemed to consume.
âFine, just half an hour more. But then itâs the last half hour.â
Wilbur smiles at that, you choosing him over everything else in the world. He likes that, he likes that a lot. You valuing him. Spending time with him, and only him. Your attention is his.
âWe could always fall asleep on call, then we could keep talking.â
âAnother day Wilbur, another day.â
That. That sentence he on the other hand didnât like. Not one bit. A promise never kept. A promise left unspoken and unpromised from your side, but a broken and abandoned promise on his side.
Then there was the wall incident.
Wilbur wouldnât have told you if it werenât for you noticing the hole in his wall. One that matched his fist quite neatly. His father had taken his PS4 in punishment for Wilbur using so much the WiFi plan to call you. At least thatâs what he told you.
In reality, he had gotten into a fight with his older brother, his brother had asked about you, how you were doing, and if he could say hi during a call. There was something about the words that had irked Wilbur, something that set him off, something about him that made his brother seem dangerous to Wilbur. So, he had decked his older brother in the face. Causing a blackeye to occur.
In return, Wilbur now sported a big black and blue spot from where he hit the floor. His brother having immediately tackled him.
And to Wilbur that had confirmed his thoughts. Other guys are dangerous, heâs the only one you should rely on.
The wall had taken the brunt of his rage that night, a screaming match with his dad that ended with his little brother getting sent to his friends' house, and his PS4 getting confiscated until Wilbur had gotten a job and was able to pay back the damages.
And he did get a job, much to your surprise. But you had encouraged him throughout it all. A dead-end cashier job that only seemed to make his world staler and more bothersome than before.
A time where he searched for every distraction possible, gaming, music, you.
You were proud of him when he got the hole in his wall fixed, and even more when he kept his job. And Wilbur doesnât remember you ever giving him more praise than the day he told you he was starting to investigate going to university.
Naturally, you helped him, and along the way, Wilbur picked up a guitar. A new asset to his den of depression that his room had become, decked in led lights, and overpriced RGB gaming stuff.
The university acceptance came rather quick, and suddenly Wilbur was packing up his life and heading to university. Boxes filled with stuff he barely remembered owning, and kitchen appliances that would never see the light of the day.
And he can feel you starting to drift, already busy with your own life. But he clings to you.
He stays, Wilbur always stays in your life. Even when you drift.
Wilbur knows itâs affecting him. Itâs not hidden from anyone. The longer that goes between the two of you talking, the sourer his mood gets. The longer you donât respond to him, the more messages he sends. The more information he craves to know.
Who are you talking to?
Who are you seeing?
Who is so much more important than him?
Hadnât he always been there for you?
Hadnât he always stayed?
You owe him.
Wilbur grows bitter and resentful. But not to you, never to you. But for everyone around you. His biggest joys in life now coming from the ungodly amount of caffeine he drinks, and whenever you reach out first.
This is why the day you call him asking for help is forever a day that will bring him joy.
âHey Will, youâre really good with tech, and I was wondering if you wanted to help me start streaming.â
He chokes on the energy drink. He chokes on his words. He chokes on the air. He drowns.
His heart aching. His anger festering. His-
âSure.â
He hears himself respond before he can even process the thought.
It takes him 2 days of absence from university, and what feels like 2 even longer nights, before heâs an expert on how to stream. He reads everything he can find, he watched everything that gets suggested.
You asked him for help, so he will help.
But Wilbur, spends these hours conflicted. You want his help, not someone elseâs, someone lesser than him. Him.
But at the same time. His mind keeps wandering, isnât he enough any longer? Isnât he good enough for you? Why isnât he good enough for you? Why? Why?
And thus, he learns you how to use the software, and beings alongside you. He finds comfort in knowing most of your streams whenever possible is spent with him on a call with you.
Although that happens after hours of pestering, that doesnât matter. He gets to talk to you, while the rest is limited to a measly chat.
You seem to find yourself comfortably in the gaming category, slowly growing. Slowly rising.
Wilburâs own streams, on the other hand, feels more like incoherent rants interrupted by his guitar plays. And once in a blue moon, you are on call with him.
It doesnât take long before he gives up, watching you grow. Finding more comfort in watching you, instead of being the watched. Not that anyone really did watch him besides for you.
Wilbur stays out of a camera, as you only seem to grow more comfortable being in front of one.
The first time you have someone on a call with you on stream, who isnât Wilbur. He just canât help but break his bedside lamp. Itâs a guy nonetheless. A guy from the internet. The type of guy Wilbur has never been shy to tell you horror stories about.
And this is where another bad habit of his started to emerge. He just canât help himself. But youâre laughing with someone else. Youâre smiling for someone else. Youâre his. Not anyone elseâs. His. His. His.
Wilbur is quick to find the donating button he had helped you set up himself. At that time it had only been used a couple of times. Nothing big. But Wilbur wants big. He wants attention. He wants you.
He fumbles with his credit card as he keys in the numbers, heâs a bit too familiarised with them. Because anything he can get from the internet will be delivered that way.
And then the notification pops up on your screen. A donation number you had never expected. And you start crying. Right there. Right on stream. And Wilbur sucks it up. He sucks it right up that youâre crying for him, whiling praising him, and only him.
The match you were playing ruined, and Wilburs smile only grows as he hears the familiar tone of discord receiving a call.
That night. You had ditched the fellow streamer to thank Wilbur and hang out with him.
Something you never thought you would regret.
But oh, how you did. How you did.
It takes Wilbur around 2 months to get used to a large sum of money means special attention to him, and only him. For everyone to see.
And he can feel you pulling away, so each time he donates, itâs bigger. Larger. Grander.
Heâs never on your stream without a donation anymore. Never on call for free. But Wilbur doesnât mind, because everyone gets to see youâre his.
And he keeps increasing the amount as you keep growing until he hits a stalemate. Heâs using half of his paycheck on you, while he doesnât mind going hungry a couple of days. His bills wonât wait for him. And he has been living away from home for far too long to ever think about calling up his father and ask for money.
Not to mention his oldest brother would never. Then neither will Wilbur. Because Wilbur is better. Better than all of them.
The larger your stream grows, the closer graduation arrives, and then Wilbur is sitting in another apartment. Another dead-end job. Another grey life.
Another dull life passing him by. Your voice constantly on loop his apartment. Constantly filling his life. As it always has. But to you, Wilbur is barely a part of your everyday. Only really showing up when a donation comes in. As you once again tell him not to spend money on you.
But he seems to stay. Wilbur always stays.
Heâs the first to like anything you post on social media. Always online never off. Always lurking. Never missing. Never absent. Heâs always there.
Wilbur never misses a stream; he schedules his life around yours. Even if youâre a country away.
And then one day youâre not. Youâre not a country away, youâre moving back. Youâre moving closer. And suddenly you live an hour away by car. Instead of an airplane ride, and shitty trains.
Suddenly Wilbur can see himself get a foot in the door. No longer grasping onto his parasitic parasocial friendship with you. He can see himself being more than the childhood friend who has always been there. He can see himself as the partner that always is there.
Wilbur is giddy the entire car ride. Heâs giddy as he feels his bag burn on his shoulder. And heâs giddy until the second you embrace him in a hug and welcome him into your new apartment.
Itâs bigger than the one youâve had since university.
And then his future crumbles. You start talking about a guy named Jared. Fucking Jared. Why did even his name have to leave a sour taste in his mouth? A guy you met over the internet. Not just any guy. No specifically the fucker from the first time Wilbur had donated.
Apparently, he wasnât a streamer, but a friend you had made during your 2 years you lived at university but never told Wilbur about. Not a single mention of him, and suddenly heâs all youâre talking about.
How could Wilbur have known? You hadnât even mentioned him on stream. Wilbur always listened so carefully, writing down everyone you mentioned. You had called him attentive once, and he would never want to disappoint you. Maybe if he was attentive enough you would look his way.
Instead, here you are talking about this Jared guy. And Wilbur knows what he has to do. A thought he has been toying with for around 3 years now. Ever since you went to Disneyland together. A trip he paid for, and a trip that was streamed, so everyone could see you were his. You were always his.
That was easily his favourite video.
In the week up to the vacation, Wilbur had done everything he could to learn about cameras so he could help you, and do the most for you. He had even helped you sort through some of the non-streamed videos he filmed too for a YouTube video for you.
Which is where he found the clip of you changing.
The camera had been resting on your hotel bed, the video having a clear Dutch angle, leaving the hotel room slandered. But there you were, right square and centre still. Changing. It takes you a minute to finish before you turn around and pick the camera up again. Mumbling something as you turn it to show off your hotel room, and then the clip cuts to black.
He never told you about it, instead just saving that specific clip on a USB stick. A piece of tech he valued more than his life. Not that his life had ever been worth much in comparison to his.
Wilbur rips his bag open, careful not to make a lot of noise. He removed his clothes, and then the fake bottom. And underneath it reveals small security cameras.
Wilbur has never been more thankful for you being a heavy sleeper and letting him sleep on a mattress on the floor of your bedroom. He quietly sets up two in your bedroom, before moving into the rest of your house. One in your office that has been converted to a streaming room. His own personal angle to your public life.
Two more in the living room, he skips the kitchen and hesitates at the door of your bathroom. For the first time, he hesitates. His hand hovers over the doorknob, the other holding the camera.
âWilbur?â
Youâre standing in the hallway, sleep evident on your face.
âWill why are you making so much noise?â
âNo reason darling, go back to bed, just needed some water.â
His breath is stuck in his throat until he hears you close the bedroom door again.
That was the first time he hesitated. And his last. He couldnât afford it. He couldnât afford to lose you further.
The rest of the trip passes Wilbur by as you introduce him to Jared. The douchebag himself. The asshole. The guy who dares take away what is Wilburâs. Even on the ride home. All Wilbur can see is Jaredâs image etched into his mind. His god-awful fashion sense. The way everything, he wore around you, just seemed to be a size too small. Nobody wants to see that fuckersâ muscles. Wilburâs knuckles turn white, as he grips the steering wheel.
Jared has to go.
Heâs ruining everything. Heâs not part of the dream you told Wilbur you had. Jared has never been part of that. Wilbur was supposed to be part of that. Even if the dream changed through the year. Even if the one youâre living now is the unimaginable future the two of you imagined up at seventeen. But one thing was sure. Jared wasnât part of that. Wilbur was.
Wilbur easily finds himself a new normal at home. The trip giving him a refreshed sense of hope. A plan in the making. His daily routine now including watching you all hours of the day. Not just your streams any longer. Every single second he can wrench out of those cameras.
And suddenly his friendship seems to improve with you too. Because now he can see when youâre sad and in need of a friend. He reaches out at the perfect time. Abusing your vulnerable state. Because itâs the best to do. Itâs for the betterment of your future.
The more Wilbur is there for you, the more he resents Jared. He deserved to be in your bed, not that asshole. He deserves to reap the rewards of his hard labour. He is the one that has always been there because Wilbur has always stayed.
A simple click is all it takes for Wilbur and the item has been placed in a cart. Mere keystrokes and it has been paid. A single click and Wilbur has truly gone insane, as a packet is shipped off. A packet containing a bottle of sleeping pills.
The next time you invite Wilbur down, you barely recognise him as you open the door. Eyebags so deep youâve never seen before. His entire body slightly twitching, and that manic smile on his lips. Wilbur brushes your concerns off, claiming thatâs just what happens in real workplaces. Not that you would know anything about that.
Wilbur hates the feeling of insulting you, but you had barely responded the entire week. You deserved to suffer for a moment. Before he caves and apologises for being rude. Thatâs the moment you can see the resembles of his normal being as he hangs his shoulders.
Jared comes over that night. Just as Wilbur had planned. And this time he wonât hesitate. He even bought a bigger car for this.
Wilbur offers to mix the drinks, claiming to have learnt a new recipe. Which isnât a lie, he has learned how to perfect just the right cocktail thick enough that covers the chalky residue of the pills. And sweet enough to make the bitter taste disappear.
He serves them, keeping a watchful eye as the night drags on, and Jared never seems to shut up. But Wilbur can deal with it for one night. Just for one. And then he wonât ever have to worry about Jared again.
He serves another.
And then another drink.
And finally. Finally. Youâre starting to get tired. Slowly leaning against Wilbur. And he takes pride in that. Great pride. You didnât choose to lean against Jared, youâre leaning against Wilbur.
Wilbur sits still until Jared too is starting to fall asleep. Wilbur is ecstatic.
He gets up slowly, gently laying you down, a pillow underneath your face. A blanket over you. He kisses your forehead and smells your hair. Taking in the shampoo scent still lingering.
Then Wilbur gets moving, he has stuff to do. Plans to execute after all.
He does his best to get Jaredâs left arm over his shoulders. But their awkward height difference makes it difficult, but he can make it work. It has to work. He only gets one shot.
Wilbur gets the front door open before he realises a fatal flaw in his plan. He has to drag Jared down 3 floors worth of stairs. He realises he canât do it the way he is now. He has to drag him down by his armpits instead.
It takes him the first flight of stairs to realise Jared shoes are making too much noise. He has to abandon them, Wilbur awkwardly gets Jared leaned against the wall before he removes Jaredâs polished black shoes. Wilbur leaves them there, making a mental note to remember them when he comes back.
The rest of the stairs, while difficult and definitely breathtaking for someone who has no muscle strength. He makes it work. Wilbur actually makes it work.
He made it work. It worked. Oh god. Itâs working.
Wilbur repositions Jared once more, his arm once again over Wilburâs shoulders. The night sky greeting him as he steps out of the apartment complex. With great difficulty, Wilbur gets the two of them over to his car, where he throws open the trunk. In the proceed shaking the car, setting off the car alarm. Wilbur is quick to drop Jared as he fumbles after his car keys. It takes him nearly a full minute to turn off the car alarm.
Wilbur curses under his breath.
Annoyed with the time loss. He finally gets the knocked-out Jared into his trunk, and he shuts it again. Just as a front door in the apartment complex opens. A man steps out. He raises a hand to Wilbur, before pulling out a smoke.
Wilbur shuffles on his feet before raising a hand. And then awkwardly gets into his car.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
He has a body in his trunk. Now he just has to get to the harbour. Wilbur starts the car and starts the ride to the harbour a town over.
Half an hour has gone past when Wilbur is pulling the handbrake, and taking the keys out. Heâs quick to get out, and even quicker to get to Jared. Wilbur keeps thinking about you. Your smile. Your kindness. Your voice. Your beauty. Your grace. As his hands are securing zip ties around the wrists and ankles of an unconscious man.
He has to go.
Wilbur reminds himself.
A cloth is tied around Jaredâs filthy mouth, and then Wilbur is back to dragging him. Itâs both easier and harder. Easier before heâs just dragging him across the pebbles and over to the brink of the harbour. Both of his arms are under both of Jaredâs.
But itâs harder because if someone sees him itâs going to get difficult to explain. But nobody does. As far as Wilbur is aware.
So a splash is made by a body, and Jared is unceremoniously sinking to the bottom of the ocean floor.
Wilbur takes one more breath of fresh air. Before turning around and getting back into his new car.
Heâs quick to arrive at your apartment complex. The man was no longer there. Wilbur goes to grip the front door. It doesnât bulge.
Oh yeah, itâs locked.
He fishes the copy he made of your house key from his keychain and lets himself into the building he doesnât live in. An invited guest, that has turned out to be an uninvited one.
He can feel the tiredness setting in his bones, as he ascends the stairs. And the realisation that he just killed someone hasnât dawned on him yet. Instead, all his muscles are aching, and his eyes barely staying open.
He stumbles into your apartment. Another kiss gets left on your forehead as he goes for your bed. The smell is so nice. Itâs so obvious to him this is where you sleep. And heâs soaking in each moment until his eyes are giving out.
His night remaining dreamless, instead, he gets awoken rather rudely around noon. Youâve pulled the comforter off him and told him to get up, so the two of you can spend some timeacting together. and Wilbur happily does that.
Not at all acing like a man who purposely took another personâs life mere hours ago. You rush him to get into his clothes. As you have something planned for rest of the day out of the apartment. Youâre talking his ears off as you descend the first flight stairs your personal puppy in tow.
When you stop dead in your tracks. Wilbur nearly stumbles into you.
âWill, is that Jaredâs shoes?â
And right there is in fact Jaredâs shoes. The pair Wilbur had forgotten all about. The pair he had left unintentionally.
âAre you sure about that? Thought he already left.â Wilbur lies, he may be awkward, but he has gotten pretty good at lying to you through the years.
âYeah yeah, youâre right. Why would he leave his shoes?â
The question gets left unanswered, and the tension is thick until you get outside, and the sun is shining. It seems it knows too of how good this day is for Wilbur, a dawn of a new era. Where you will finally acknowledge him as the perfect one for you.
The man from the nightstand once again with a smoke and raises his hand to greet Wilbur, once again Wilbur shuffles on his feet before he raises a hand back. You look at him weirdly, and Wilbur shrugs it off.
The rest of the day happening without any mishaps or other incidents. But the shoes just canât seem to leave your mind, despite how hard Wilbur is trying to distract you.
And then the afternoon passes, and the night, and the car ride, and Wilbur is once again home. And as soon as the door closes. He crumbles down on the floor.
Oh god.
He did it.
He actually fucking did it.
He isnât useless.
Heâs fucking Wilbur, and Wilbur stays in your life. Even when you make such stupid mistakes as falling for another person. Thereâs only one person for you and thatâs him.
Youâre actually the first one to call him this time, and the smile never leaves his lips. Even if the call is about Jared. And how worried you are about not having heard from him. Wilbur just tells you; you should have listened to him. Guys on the internet are just like that. And that you deserve better. Someone like him.
You laugh at this and thank him for calming you down.
Wilbur suddenly loves phone calls.
This bliss is perfect for Wilbur youâre talking to him more and more. And he watches, god he watches you. Every step you take in that apartment is filmed logged on his computer.
However, all good things must come to an end, and Wilbur has barely pulled off his tie after work when a group of loud knocks sounds at his door. He isnât expecting guests.
A group of men in blue uniforms greets him.
âWilbur Soot, youâre under the arrest for the Murder of Jared Yarrow.â
Wilbur barely registers whatâs going on, before heâs in a holding cell. A psych evaluation under his belt. A phone call to his father asking him to help him out.
The days bleed together in the unchanging environment, and suddenly a defender is telling him to plead for insanity.
Then the defender comes back again days later with a court date, and all Wilbur can do is count the seconds.
Time for the first time since arriving slows down when the doors to the court open and Wilbur is lead into the courtroom. And there you are, looking beautiful as ever. Tears and despair clearly written on your face. You look away from him, and it makes him stumble for a moment. A quick look to the other side, confirms his fear. His father is here. Alongside his brothers.
The trial goes over what happened that night, the evidence, the sleeping medication, the car. Everything. Yet even when his sentence is received, even when he is told he wonât see the sun again for a long time. There is only one thing on his mind.
They never found the cameras.
And he just canât help but smile at that as heâs getting lead away to rot.
Because Wilbur has always stayed by your side, Wilbur always stays.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
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TO LOVE AND BELOVED - Part Five (Harry Styles)
a/n: ahh idk why but writing this part took me forever! but its finally here and i canât wait to see your thoughts on it! i was debating for a long time if part 5 should be the last one, but then i decided to add another part, bc there are two more things i want to include in the story and i couldnât squeeze them into this part, itâs already the longest so far, so we have one more part left of the story!
also, a little warning that part 6 might take a little longer than the prev parts bc im a little behind with my schedule but itâll try my best!
pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader
warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce, sexual content
word count: 12k
SERIES MASTERPOST
masterlist
Youâve been feeling like a teenager sneaking around her parents these past weeks. Only that youâre an adult and the parent you are trying to keep your secret romance hidden from is a four year old little girl.
Your birthday was a turning point in your evolving relationship with Harry. Like a wall has been brought down and he finally started reaching out to you. It feels like with every passing day youâre getting closer to him and you can see the progress heâs been making thanks to his therapy sessions and how much he is trying to make a change himself as well.
Stolen kisses and tiny touches have been a usual in your every days whenever Izzy was out of sight for the shortest second. Youâve realized that Harry is an affectionate person, he likes to keep you close and he never fails to bring passion into the tiniest kisses.
With Izzy around 24/7 itâs been hard to find time when itâs just the two of you, but youâve been waking up early in the morning just to spend that twenty minutes alone with Harry while he drinks his coffee. Sometimes you just sit in silence, trying to wake up for the day ahead of you but sometimes he talks your ears off about anything and everything. In the evening, when Izzy is already sleeping the two of you usually wind off together in the living room or watch a movie in the entertainment room, just enjoying some alone time. Itâs not much, but more than nothing and youâve grown very fond of these little moments with him.
Nothing more has happened than just kissing. Despite the progress Harry has made so far you can tell he still has quite a few conflicts buried deep inside him and you definitely donât want to rush him into anything he is not ready for. Some cuddling on the couch or short but passionate make out sessions in a corner while Izzy is not paying attention, you havenât gone further than this.
Now itâs the last day before Izzy leaves to Harryâs mum for the week. He is dropping her off Sunday afternoon and it will leave the two of you alone for seven full days. Well, Harry still has to work during the day, but from the moment heâll get home, itâs just gonna be you and him.
You had to make a few phone calls so youâve been locked in your room for a while now. When you come down you find your favorite father-daughter duo on the couch, some kind of Barbie movie playing on the TV, but Izzy is busy with something else. Sheâs got her water based flooring pens scattered around her, Harryâs tattooed arm laying across her lap as she is coloring the patterns as if it was her favorite coloring book. Before they could notice you, you run back to your room and grab your polaroid camera and returning you snap a picture of the adorable scene. The shutter of the camera makes Harryâs head snap in your way, a smile tugging on his lips.
âHey,â he softly greets you. You put the camera and the photo aside to the cupboard near you before joining them on the couch.
âHi Y/N! Look!â Izzy beams happily, pointing at Harryâs ship tattoo that is now fully colored with yellows, pinks and blues.
âIt looks better this way,â you smirk down at her before your eyes meet with Harryâs over her head, smiling at you softly.
Making yourself comfortable next to them, you watch Izzy work on more of his tattoos and you find it such a heartwarming scene, you want to remember it forever. Harry Styles, such an influential, successful and serious businessman, sitting on the couch in his loungewear while his daughter is using his tattooed skin as her personal coloring book. He really is a wonderful human being and the best dad to his daughter.
âY/N, do you have any tattoos?â Izzy asks, turning to you with curious eyes.
âI actually do,â you answer and you see Harryâs eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
âYou really do?â he asks, his head resting on the back of the couch, turned to face you.
âYeah,â you nod with a soft chuckle.
âWhere?â Izzy asks perking up at the new information.
âUm, itâs right here,â you tell her pointing at the side of your hips, covered with your sweatpants.
âCan I color them?â she asks innocently, but Harry is quick to react.
âIzzy, youâre being a little too nosy,â he warns her as always, and she looks at you with a pouty look.
âItâs fine. Um, yeah, you can color it,â you nod.
Sliding lower on the couch you roll down the waistband of your pants until the tattoo is revealed on the side. You catch Harryâs eyes wander over the skin you are now showing and you can see a slight blush tinting his cheeks. He hasnât seen this part of your body uncovered yet, he hasnât even seen you in a bathing suit so far so itâs quite the new thing.
(reference for the tattoo)
The tattoo on your side is a simple yet meaningful one, dedicated to the special bond you and Trevor share. Itâs a minimalistic yet beautiful piece of two koi fishes swimming in a circle, one is left blank as while the other one is black so their formation resembles the yin-yang symbol. You got it when you turned twenty, when Trevor was just in middle school, but he promised you he would get the same design when he turns eighteen that will happen in the fall.
âThat looks beautiful,â Harry breathes out with a shy smile and you notice how he doesnât ask about the meaning behind it. Not because he is not curious but because he is insanely respectful and he doesnât want to ask something thatâs too personal.
âThanks,â you smile at him as Izzy grabs her pens and starts coloring the blank fish.
The rest of the day goes by uneventfully, Harry is clearly trying to spend as much time with Izzy as possible before her week with his mother, but you also notice that he seems to be keeping something away from you, like he is trying to bring up something but he is not entirely sure how to start the conversation.
Itâs not until Izzy is put to bed that he joins you on the couch, turning to you with a serious expression on his handsome face.
âWhatâs up?â you ask with a soft chuckle.
âI was thinkingâŚâ
âI could see that,â you tease him, giving his knee a playful squeeze. âIâm listening.â
âActually there are two things I wanted to talk to you about. Iâm not sure which one to ask first.â He purses his lips before sighing and moving his eyes to meet your curious gaze. âSo weâre gonna be alone for the next week.â
âMhm.â
âAnd I thought that⌠if you want to, but we donât have to, it was just an ideaâso feel free toââ
âHarry,â you cut his stuttering off, moving closer with a reassuring smile. You caress the side of his face and you notice how you lean into your touch, breathing out through his nose. âDonât be nervous, alright? Just tell me whatâs been on your mind.â
âWould you go out on a date with me?â he then asks and itâs the purest thing youâve ever seen and heard from him. The hopeful but still nervous look in his eyes makes him appear like a little boy who is asking out his first crush in middle school, afraid of rejection, when thatâs the last thing he has to think about when it comes to you, but itâs still cute.
âI would love to,â you smile at him and leaning closer you peck his lips softly. âAnd whatâs the other thing you wanted to ask?â
âWell, Iâm driving Izzy over to my mumâs early in the morning and Iâm staying for lunch and⌠if you donât feel like itâs too much, you could⌠maybe come with us.â
âYou want me to meet your mum?â you ask surprised.
âWell, she wants to meet you as well, but I want you to meet her, yes,â he admits with a nervous chuckle. âGemma has told her about you and my sister likes to be nosy so she might have added a little spice into the story about us when nothing was really going on.â
âOh my, what does she think?â you ask with wide eyes.
âNothing bad, donât worry,â he assures you quickly. âShe just made it seem like we are⌠dating and all,â he adds with a nervous smile. âBut I told her that itâs⌠I mean that we are not there⌠yet.â
âOh, okay. Well, if you really want me there, I would love to go with you.â
âReally?â
âYeah. Would love to meet your mum.â
âI was afraid youâd find it a little early for this,â he admits truthfully and you can see that rationality in his thought. âWe havenât really⌠discussed what we are and I didnât want to put the pressure on you.â
âWell, do you want to talk about us?â you ask softly, giving him the chance to decline if he feels like the conversation might be a little too much for him.
âI do, but Iâm not sure⌠what to say,â he hums, knitting his eyebrows together. Last time I had this talk I was in my early twenties and I donât even know how to start,â he chuckles shaking his head.
âOkay, then letâs just agree on some things,â you suggest and he eyes you curiously. âNeither of us is seeing anyone else, right?â
âIs that even a question in my situation?â he snorts, making a joke out of his issues clearly and youâre happy he is able to take it so lighthearted.
âJust clearing the air,â you chuckle. âSo we areâŚexclusive.â
âSeems like it,â he nods.
âAnd you just asked me out on a date,â you point another detail out.
âI did. And you said yes,â he smiles, an excited shine in his eyes glimmering through his green irises.
âYeah. So we can say we are dating? Seeing each other?â Harry chews on the terms you offered, tastes them before nodding slowly.
âI guess we could say that.â
âOkay. So⌠thatâs what we are,â you smile at him, giving his knee another squeeze. This time, his hand finds yours and he runs his thumb across your knuckles.
âI think⌠Iâm okay with that,â he breathes out and though itâs seemingly such an insignificant thing, you know how huge steps he has just taken forward.
âI liked the blue one better. With the white sweater,â Heather hums, watching you through the video call. You have your phone propped up on your dresser as youâre trying to figure out what to wear today.
Though you seemed completely unbothered last night when Harry invited you along with them, but now you can feel the slight panic. Itâs not even because you and Harry are a thing now, youâd feel this way if you met his mother just as Izzyâs nanny. Grandmothers can be so protective over their grandchildren, youâve met with quite a few problematic ones while you were working at the daycare and you just want Anne to like you, to trust you with Izzy as much as Harry does.
âOkay, blue it is then,â you sigh, pulling the yellow sundress off of yourself before putting the blue one back with a white sweater.
âSo you guys are now official?â Heather grins at you through the screen. âMeeting his mother and all that?â
âDefine being official,â you chuckle softly.
âLike, boyfriend-girlfriend?â
âNot yet. But we agreed to be exclusively dating.â
âI still canât fucking believe that youâre scoring the hottest dad Iâve ever seen. You lucky bitch,â she sighs, sipping on her morning coffee.
âMe neither,â you scoff.
âIâm pretty sure if the mothers who got you fired knew, they would explode. Basically every woman was in love with the man and now you are the lucky woman actually getting him.â
âI guess this is karma for what they did,â you chuckle shrugging. âAlright, I gotta go, because we are leaving soon, but Iâll talk to you soon.â
âYou better be! I want a detailed essay about how it went!â she grins, kissing the camera.
âAlright, bye!â you smile before ending the call.
When you get downstairs, Harry and Izzy are already down there, Harry is zipping up her bag while she is dancing around humming to herself.
âBaby, your backpack is still in your room. Can you please get it?â Harry asks her, Izzy nods and runs towards you, stopping in front of you.
âHi Y/N! I like your dress!â she beams at you.
âHi! Well thank you!â you smile at her before she runs past you up the stairs. âHey,â you greet Harry and his eyes snap up to you, his pink lips stretching into a warm smile as he leans closer and kisses your cheek sweetly.
âHi. You look beautiful.â
âThank you. So, any tips for meeting your mum for the first time?â you ask, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. Harry reaches out and takes your hands between his so he stops the motion.
âYou donât need tips. I know my mum will like you, she is already so excited to meet you, so donât worry.â
âIf you say so,â you breathe out.
Harry puts Izzyâs stuff in the Rover and soon buckles her into her seat before the three of you hit the road. Harry has a whole playlist for Izzyâs favorite songs so you obviously listen to that along with Izzyâs performance of all the songs, filled with misheard lyrics, but thatâs what makes it even better. The car ride is about three hours, which is not that horrible. You need just one bathroom break sometime in the middle and Izzy sleeps through the last hour in the car, allowing the two of you to finally listen to music thatâs not from a kidsâ show.
âDo you have a song request?â you smile over at him, scrolling through his phone since itâs the one connected to the car, but he has given you permission to play whatever you like.
âNot really.â
âYou donât have songs you like to listen to in the car?â
âNot specifically. Do you?â
âOh, I have a whole playlist for songs to blast in the car,â you chuckle.
âReally? And what songs are on it?â
âWell, I can just show you.â
You search up your user on Spotify and find the playlist in talk before putting it on shuffle. As the first song starts to play, you peek over at him to see his reaction and you spot the smirk on his lips.
âBlack Eyed Peas?â he asks glancing at you shortly.
âYeah, you donât like them?â you smirk at him.
âI do, I just didnât think you listen to them,â he admits with a soft chuckle.
âAre you kidding me? They give me the biggest nostalgia! I listened to them so much as a teenager.â
âSo teenage Y/N gave a concert in her bedroom, singing I Gotta Feeling?â he teases you grinning.
âNot just a concert, a whole world tour.â
Thereâs a short silence, just the two of you listening to the song, you watch the trees and fields rush by you as you drive down the country road. The song changes to another one and youâve already forgotten about what you talked about, but apparently not Harry.
âWhat were you like as a teenager?â he asks. You turn to face him and your eyes meet for a second.
âUm, like a normal teenager,â you shrug, not sure what to say.
âThereâs no such thing as a normal teenager,â Harry smiles. âWhat did you do, what were your favorite things?â
âI was⌠pretty plain, if I might say. I wasnât a rebel or too much of a geek either. I had like three good friends, we used to hang out a lot by the little lake near our neighborhood, that was like our spot. I liked going on hikes and I watched a lot of documentaries,â you admit with a small smile.
âWhat kind?â
âI donât know, anything that was on,â you shrug. âMy mom had this phase where she was trying to act like she was just like all the other momâs from my school, but they were all at least a decade older than her. She was trying to prove that she was this mature, very serious woman who had her shit together and all that.â
âAnd she didnât?â Harry asks peeking at you shortly.
âI mean, she did. She turned thirty when I was twelve. Most women barely just got married and started their family at that age but she had been married for eight years and had a middle schooler and a baby already. She really was mature but I could tell that she felt like she lost her twenties because of⌠me.â
Sighing you think back to the years when you often felt like a burden to your mom. She gave up a lot of things just to give you the life she imagined for you. She worked her ass off to raise you and later Trevor as well, have a career and do all the works around the house. Your dad was working a lot of night shifts, there were entire weeks when you barely even saw him. You donât blame him, he was trying to provide for his family, but itâs pretty clear he and your mother grew cold over the years and it had a huge part in it.
âDo you⌠blame yourself for it?â Harry asks softly.
âNo,â you shake your head. âItâs not like I had anything to do with being born,â you chuckle. âI just didnât like seeing my mom struggle so much. So when Trevor was born I was trying to take over a lot of tasks around the house and with him as well. I babysat him a lot, took care of him in the mornings, I picked him up from daycare and later from school⌠I tried to make it easier for my parents.â
âSo this is why you grew so close with him?â
âI guess so,â you nod. âI mean, I surely spent the most time with him,â you add with a short chuckle.
âAnd do you think this is why youâre so good with kids?â
âWhat is this, a therapy session?â you ask arching an eyebrow at him, but he just rolls his eyes.
âJust⌠trying to get to know you. Is that a problem?â
âNo, I just⌠Iâm not used to talking about myself so much. Itâs been quite a few years since Iâve been in this⌠talking stage,â you admit with a sigh. âBut to answer your question, it might have had some impact on me. I mean, I loved taking care of Trevor. Itâs like I had my own baby doll, only that it wasnât just a toy, it was a real baby I could play with.â
âDid you play dress up with him?â Harry smirks at you.
âI did,â you admit laughing. âI used to dress him as a princess a lot and he seemed to like it! My dad wasnât really a fan of it.â
For the rest of the ride you listen to your playlist and talk about not just your but Harryâs past too. He tells you about his friends, what he was like in school and the mischiefs he did growing up, that drove his mum crazy sometimes. As you get to his hometown and he points out different places he used to go to when he was younger, you feel so much closer to him, like youâve just gotten to see another piece of him that was hidden before.
He pulls up to the driveway of a simple townhouse and as you get out of the car you see the front door open and a woman rushes out, squealing in excitement as she runs up to Harry and hugs him tightly.
âFinally! I was starting to get worried!â she breathes out, rocking the two of them to left and right.
âMum, donât be dramatic. I texted you when we left and we got here perfectly in time,â Harry chuckles, holding his mum tight.
âYou barely just arrived and youâre already picking on me? Typical,â Anne rolls her eyes, letting go of him. You round the car, feeling nervous to meet her. When her eyes finally fall on you, her smile grows even wider as she takes a step closer to you. âAnd you must be Y/N! Itâs so nice to meet you!â she beams, pulling you into a warm hug as well.
âNice to meet you too,â you chuckle, hugging her back.
âIâm Anne, but I listen to all versions of mum and grandma,â she tells you chuckling.
âAlright, noted,â you nod smiling.
Harry opens the car door of the backseat and unbuckles Izzy who has already woken up from her little nap and the moment her feet are on the ground she runs up to Anne.
âGrams!â She giggles before throwing herself into Anneâs arms who picks her up happily.
âHi baby, you grew so much! I missed you!â she sighs as the little girl cuddles into her neck.
âMissed you too, Grams. I brought my new toys, do you want to play with them?â
âOf course! Weâll have all the time to play this week,â Anne smiles down at her. âAlright, come on in. Lunch is almost ready.â
Harry grabs Izzyâs things from the car and you all head inside. The house smells good from the cooking food in the kitchen and itâs such a cozy home, you can definitely see Harry growing up here. Above the fireplace in the living room there are a bunch of photos framed on the wall, most of them are from Harry and Gemma, but there are some more of other relatives as well, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It seems like Harry has a big family.
Harry unpacks Izzyâs stuff in her room that used to be Gemmaâs apparently, he is telling Anne all about everything she needs to know about Izzyâs routines and she is listening patiently, though youâre sure she is more than capable of taking care of her. After all, she raised two amazing children already.
While Izzy shows Anne all her toys sheâs brought with herself, Harry takes your hand and pulls you out of the room just to go into another one. Walking in you immediately realize that it must have been his once upon a time.
âYou know, I can see your younger version in here, the one I saw in the photos downstairs,â you smirk at him, looking around. There are some old posters and pictures still littering the walls, stickers are covering the side of his wardrobe and dresser, some of them are partially ripped off already, he probably tried to get rid of them once he got older, but miserably failed.
âYeah? I was pretty cute, right?â he smirks, so full of himself.
âI liked the curly Justin Bieber hairstyle,â you tease him and he gives you an âare you for real?!â look to which you just start laughing.
âJustin Bieber had nothing on me.â
âYeah, sure,â you laugh before he grabs your hand and pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. âYour mum is in the next room,â you whisper against his lips as he leans down, teasing you with them just lingering on yours.
âSo what? You never sneaked around your parents before?â he smirks down at you.
âI did,â you admit.
âOh, nasty,â he comments before finally kissing you. However it doesnât last long, because you hear footsteps coming from outside so youâre quick to move away from each other, just in time when Anne walks in.
âLunch will be ready in a few, would you two mind setting the table?â she smiles, oblivious what was happening just a moment ago.
âSure,â Harry nods, rubbing his nose as his other hand finds your waist and he ushers you out of the room.
Izzy helps Anne in the kitchen while you and Harry take care of the table. When everything is done you all sit down and start the feast Anne was so kind to make for you. It doesnât take long to see the snickering but loving dynamic between Harry and his mother. Anne likes to pick on her son, call him out for basically anything and though Harry talks back, he mostly just lets her tear him to pieces. With love, of course.
âIzzy, please donât get whipped cream all over the place!â Harry sighs when itâs time for dessert. Anne has made apple pie, one of Izzyâs favorites and she is going generous with the cream on top of her slice.
âYou didnât have problem getting cream all over you when we were making cupcakes, daddy!â Izzy sasses back, making both you and Harry drop your jaws while Anne starts laughing at her boldness.
âThat was an entirely different situation, Izzy,â Harry shakes his head as he helps her with the scream before passing it over to you.
âGrams, you should have been there! Daddy, Y/N and I made a mess in the kitchen, but daddy started it!â Izzy giggles, digging into the pie.
âIs that so?â Anne smirks.
âWe were just⌠playing,â Harry explains.
âOh, I know how you can get when youâre just playing,â Anne chuckles. âY/N, how do you put up with two kids in the house?â
âI used to deal with fifteen at the same time, so two is not a trouble,â you smirk at Harry who just rolls his eyes, but you see the hiding little smile on his lips.
After lunch Izzy insists on showing you the dollhouse Anne has set up for her in the backyard while Harry helps his mum with the cleaning up.
âWe both know your sister likes to exaggerate stories, so I didnât believe everything she said about you and Y/N,â Anne speaks up as she is washing the dishes and Harry is on drying duty.
âIâm glad you donât fall for Gemmaâs vivid imagination.â
âBut thereâs one thing she got right.â
âAnd what would that be?â Anne turns the tap off as she faces Harry, sighing in relief as she smiles at him.
âThat you look happy.â
Harry opens his mouth to say something, but then just closes it. He does feel happy, even if he is still struggling to accept it. Anne dries her hands and reaching up she cups Harryâs face in her palms.
âBaby, I havenât seen you like this for a long time. And I know you think you donât deserve to feel this way, but you do. And Y/N makes you happy, clearly.â
âMumâŚâ
âNo, honey, just⌠listen to me, okay?â she asks and he nods, giving all his attention to his mother. âIt broke my heart to see you so⌠lost after what happened to Maggie. And I know that it was the hardest thing you ever had to go through, but you need to move on. She would want you to do the same thing.â
âHow do you know, mum? You didnât even like Maggie when I first brought her home,â Harry points out mumbling under his breath.
âThat doesnât change the way you felt about her. I know you loved her and I would have never wanted anything to happen to her. She made you happy and thatâs all that mattered to me,â she smiles with a tired sigh. âAnd I just want you to be happy again. Whatever you two have going on⌠donât let go of it, alright? She is making you happy and you deserve that.â
Harry doesnât know what to say so he just nods before Anne pulls him into a tight, motherly hug that he returns gladly.
âIâm trying, mum. Iâm trying,â he whispers into her hair, giving her a squeeze before letting go of her.
You stay a little longer, Anne makes you tea and Harry soaks in the last minutes with Izzy before he is forced to be away from her. You know he is looking forward to spending some time away from his daddy duties, but itâs clear that heâll miss her terribly too.
âAlright, baby. Be good and Iâll call Grams to talk to you every day, okay?â Harry tells her, giving her one last hug. Izzy wraps her arms around his neck tightly, her face squished into his neck.
âOkay, daddy. I love you,â she mumbles with a pouty look.
âI love you too. Have a good time with Grams.â
âThank you for everything, Anne,â you tell her, giving her a quick hug.
âOh, youâre welcome. It was so nice to meet you,â she smiles, feeling a little touched by the goodbye. âCome back soon!â
âI will, thank you.â
âBye mum, call me if anything comes up,â Harry tells her, hugging her as well.
âWeâll be alright, donât worry. Tell Mitch and Sarah that I wish them the best!â Anne smiles as you and Harry head out the door.
âI will! Bye!â
Izzy stands at the front door with Anne, waving after you as Harry backs out of the driveway and eventually, they are out of your sight.
Harry falls silent and you donât have to be a genius to know that he is already missing Izzy. You can imagine what it feels like to not see her every day like he always does, when he is so used to having her around all the time.
âYou alright?â you softly ask, giving his arm a short squeeze.
âYeah, itâs just⌠Itâs the third time Iâm doing this, but it never gets easier. The first year we did it I ended up driving up here four times that week,â he admits with a chuckle.
âNothing to be ashamed of. Itâs normal to miss her.â
âI know, it just makes me emotional,â he admits, flashing you a short smile before he turns his gaze back at the road ahead of him.
The drive back home is a lot quieter than the way to Anneâs. You play some music again and Harry hums to it sometimes, but he is mostly just deep in his thoughts and you donât want to bother him, knowing well he probably needs some time to settle with the thought of an entire week without Izzy.
You get some takeout for dinner before arriving home and eat together before putting on a movie to watch in the entertainment room. One movie turns into another and before you could realize it, youâre dosed off on the comfy couch, cuddled to Harryâs side near midnight.
When you wake up something entirely different is playing on the screen since the original movie has ended long ago. Harry is passed out, his head resting against the back of the couch, one arm curled around your shoulders while the other is resting on his stomach. Rubbing your eyes you check the time and decide itâs better if you both just go to bed before you end up spending the night on the couch.
âHey⌠H,â you softly caress his cheek before you brush his unruly curls back from his forehead. He scrunches his nose adorably before his eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings. âWe fell asleep. Why donât we call it a night?â you ask in a soft whisper. Harry sighs, nodding his head, squeezing you to his side before his arm falls from around your shoulders. You peck his cheek before pushing yourself up from the couch. He shuts the TV off and the two of you head upstairs. For your surprise, his hand finds yours on the way up the stairs, lacing his fingers together with yours.
You pad your way up to the second floor and walking past Izzyâs room Harry stops for just a heartbeat before he follows you down the hallway. When youâre about to let go of his hand to head into your own bedroom, Harry pulls you back gently, making you look at him with slight confusion.
âDo you⌠Maybe you could⌠sleep at mine, if you want to? Just a thoughtâŚâ he breathes out, clearly nervous to speak whatâs been on his mind.
âI would love to, but only if youâre sure about it.â
âIâm sure. It would be nice to⌠wake up next to you,â he adds with a shy smile and you notice how he didnât say waking up next to anyone, he wants you to be there.
âAlright. Why donât we both just go and shower separately and then Iâll come back to yours?â you offer, giving his hand a squeeze. Harry nods and leaning down he places a chaste kiss to your lips before letting go of your hand, going your separate ways.
After doing your usual nighttime routine you put on a pair of soft pajama pants and a simple shirt before heading back to Harryâs bedroom. The door is slightly open, the lights are still on. You knock on the door before pushing it open carefully. Youâve only been in here a handful of times and itâs strange to come here with the intention of staying.
Harry is standing by his dresser in a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt, his hair is slightly damp from his shower. As his eyes fall on your figure a small smile tugs on his lips before he glances towards the bed.
âWhich⌠which side do you like sleeping on?â he asks and you canât hold back a chuckle as you walk to the side thatâs clearly not used by him usually.
Harry huffs with a smile before going to his side. You put your phone to the nightstand before getting under the covers, making yourself comfortable in Harryâs silky sheets. He sits to the edge of the bed, checks something on his phone before dropping it to his nightstand and he then joins you under the covers.
Itâs a tiny bit awkward at first, neither of you really finding your place in such a new situation, so at first you just lie on your sides facing each other. Harry is clearly about to say something, he is just looking for the right words, so you give him all the time he needs.
âIâm glad youâre here,â he softly speaks up. âNot just because⌠I would be awfully lonely now without Izzy,â he adds with a cheeky chuckle. âI meant it generally. Iâm really happy that youâre here.â
âIâm happy to be here too. Wouldnât want to be anywhere else,â you smile at him. Breathing out through his nose he closes his eyes for a few seconds before his green irises meet yours again. Leaning closer he kisses you softly, just another way to tell you the same thing he just said with his words a moment ago. Pulling back he settles his head on the pillow and he pulls you into his arms, making you cuddle to his side similar to the way you fell asleep on the couch earlier.
âGood night, Y/N,â he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.
âGood night, Harry,â you hum back, nuzzling your face into his shoulder, making yourself comfortable in his strong arms.
Harry grumbles lowly when his phoneâs alarm goes off in the morning. He might be off from his daddy duties this week, but he is still the CEO of his company and work is calling his name. Sometime during the night the two of you got tangled up in each other. Unlike last night, now Harry is the one snuggled up to you, his heavy arm lying across your stomach, his legs mingled with yours under the sheets as you gently scratch his scalp with one hand, running the other up and down his arm across your stomach. Youâre not gonna lie, waking up in a bed with Harry is far more blissful and satisfying than you imagined. Even early in the morning he has such an aura that sweeps you off your feet, the man was surely crafted by the gods.
âYouâre gonna be late,â you hum, eyes still closed when he hits the snooze button and snuggles back to you.
âItâs set to when I have to get Izzy ready. We still have some time,â he mumbles against the fabric of your shirt.
You stay in bed a little longer until it really is time to get up. Harryâs morning form is so soft yet still breathtaking, even with his hair tousled and his puffy eyes, he still looks gorgeous and you find it slightly unfair how little effort the man needs to be this perfect.
Harry heads to take a shower and in the meantime you decide to start making breakfast while the coffee is brewing.
âOh you shouldnât have,â Harry breathes out with a thankful smile when he arrives downstairs and sees the almost ready breakfast and the smell of coffee hits his nose.
âI have all the time in the world this week,â you chuckle as you fill a plate with eggs and veggies before you slide it over to him on the kitchen island. You fix a plate for yourself as well and join him on the stool beside him.
âSo⌠are you still up for the date?â Harry asks shyly, glancing over at you.
âDidnât really change my mind since yesterday,â you chuckle.
âWould you be up to do it today?â
âSo, eager, huh?â you tease him, nudging him with your shoulder and he just shyly shrugs, trying to push down his smile. âToday works fine for me. What do you have in mind?â
âIâm not ruining the surprise,â he smirks at you, sipping on his coffee.
âAlright, then just tell me the dress code.â
âWear that lilac dress you wore to that birthday party the other week.â
You know exactly what dress he is talking about, but it stuns you that he actually remembers what you wore two weeks ago. He only saw you for a few minutes before you left, yet he still remembered the dress.
âAlright,â you smile to yourself before turning back to your breakfast.
Though you have a few extra sessions booked for the week, your Monday stayed empty and without Izzy roaming around the house you have to realize that you can easily get bored without her. You got so used to being with her all day long that now being home on your own is so weird.
You spend the first half of the day lounging at the pool, something youâve been dying to do, but you were too busy with a certain little girl. Then you have a nice lunch and after reading the book youâve been putting away for weeks, you realize that youâve run out of things to do. So you text Trevor if he wants a ride home after school and of course he does, so after fixing yourself up you drive down to his school.
âHi there, how was your day?â you ask when he sits into the car, throwing his backpack to the backseat before he buckles himself up as you back out of the parking spot.
âFantastic, as always!â he fake cheers, making you laugh.
âWant to get ice-cream?â
âYou know I always want ice-cream,â he snorts smirking at you.
You havenât met Trevor ever since things become kind of⌠romantic between you and Harry, and you didnât want to tell him over the phone, so now is the perfect time to break him the news. When the two of you are sitting on the terrace of your favorite ice-cream place, your paper cup filled with chocolate and strawberry ice-cream while he chose mango and cookie dough, you finally start the conversation.
âSo, I have news for you.â
âOh my God,â he breathes out, closing his eyes for a second. âAre you leaving the country?â
âWhat? No! Why do you think that?â
âI donât know, but last time you said you had news for me you moved out from home. Figured it might be something similar,â he shrugs, returning to his ice-cream.
âWell, no, Iâm not leaving the country.â
âOkay, then what is it?â
âIâm kind of⌠dating Harry. You know, my boss.â You have no idea why you felt the need to add the last part when he has already met him, but you feel a bit nervous. Trevor is like your best friend and he had a bad feeling about Keith when you started dating him, but you ignored it. If he has a similar feeling about Harry now, you are definitely considering them this time.
âOh!â his eyebrows shoot up. âWhat do you mean kind of?â
âWell, we havenât had our first date yet, itâs happening tonight, but things have⌠changed.â
âSo you slept with him?â
âNo, I havenât,â you chuckle nervously. âWe kissed. A few times and⌠we talked about where itâs heading and we both think itâs going to turn into something⌠more serious.â
âThatâs great!â he smiles at you and it seems completely genuine. âSee, I told you itâs gonna happen sooner or later,â he smirks coyly, before he licks his spoon off.
âYou were just drawing random assumptions because of his looks and wealth, Trevor. But itâs not about that.â
âOh, I know youâre not a gold digger,â he teases you, making you roll your eyes at him. âSo your first date is tonight? What are you guys doing?â
âI donât know, he didnât tell me,â you shrug with a small smile.
âMysterious,â Trevor wiggles his eyebrows at you. âSo he is finally ready to get back on the dating scene, huh?â
âUm, he is working on it. Itâs a little hard for him, but heâs been changing for the better.â
âThatâs great. Iâm happy for you,â he smiles at you. âReally, you deserve it after that asshole.â
âYeah, I hope itâll go well,â you smile back at him with a sigh before you return to your ice-cream.
After dropping Trevor off at one of his friends you head back home. For your surprise, Harryâs car is already parked on the driveway with another one that doesnât belong to him when you pull up and walking in you find him with Niall in the kitchen.
âOh, hi boys!â you greet them.
âY/N! You are stunning as always!â Niall beams, pulling you into a tight hug right away.
âThanks,â you chuckle patting his back. âWhat are you guys up to?â
They share a look and it tells you right away you are not supposed to know whatever they were talking about so you just nod smiling.
âAlright, got it,â you chuckle.
âHow was your day?â Harry asks, hoping to change the subject smoothly.
âGreat! Met with Trevor, just dropped him off.â
âOh, how is he doing?â
âHe is fine, struggling a little with math lately, but he is doing great,â you chuckle.
âSo you have a brother. Do you happen to have a sister, maybe?â Niall asks with a coy smile and while Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, you canât help but laugh.
âSorry, no,â you tell him the bad news. âBut⌠I have a good friend and I think youâd like her.â
âA friend? Do you have a picture of her?â Niall beams, already excited about it. Pulling your phone out you show him a picture of you and Heather so he can have a good look at her. You actually think that Heather and Niall would be a good match, she might even be the girl Niall would give up his bachelor life finally.
âWhen are we having a double date?â he simply asks, making you and Harry laugh at the same time.
âIâll see what I can do for you.â
You let the boys finish whatever they were doing before you arrived so you go to your room, unwinding a little before you have to start getting ready for the date. Around five thereâs a soft knock on your door and as you call out, Harry pops his head inside.
âHi,â he smiles nervously as the rest of his body walks into your sight.
âHi!â you smile back, putting your book to the side.
âI just realized I never told you the time when you should be ready tonight,â he chuckles nervously. âIs six good for you?â
âYeah, thatâs great.â
âAlright. Then⌠see you soon, I guess,â he smiles nodding before he walks out of your room. You canât help a small chuckle at how nervous he seems about tonight, as if he wasnât still sure about your feelings for him, when youâve made it clearer than daylight.
You get the best kind of jitters while getting ready for the date. Itâs like youâre in high school again and your crush has finally asked you out so you want to look your best. Since Harry already suggested you what to wear, you donât have to spend an hour standing in your closet, trying to find the right choice. For the makeup you go for a little smokey look and you do a loose bun styles for your hair, remembering the words your mother always told you when you were a teenager.
âA womanâs greatest and most secret weapon is her neck. Men go crazy if you show them your neck and they donât even realize it!â
You spray some perfume on yourself and put on a pair of nude heels before packing your necessities into a purse that matches your outfit. You finish with everything just in time, a soft knock signaling that Harry has returned. Checking yourself one last time in the mirror you open the door and reveal him standing at the door, wearing a pair of fitted purple dress pants with a crispy shirt on, matching your dress perfectly. And the cherry on top is the bouquet of red roses in his hands.
âHi,â he breathes out with a nervous smile and his gaze travels down your figure, a blush tinting his cheeks.
âHi!â
âYou look⌠beautiful,â he smiles shyly and your heart is fluttering in your chest. Itâs really happening, you are going on a date with Harry!
âThank you,â you chuckle softly.
âThese are for you. I know itâs weird that Iâm picking you up from your bedroom and Iâm not giving you this at the front door, butâŚâ he chuckles as he hands you the flowers.
âItâs really nice, thank you,â you smile, taking the flowers before moving into the bedroom to put them in a vase quickly. Harry takes just about two steps into the room and stops with his hands hidden in his pockets as he eyes every movement of yours before you finish with the flowers and let him know that youâre ready to do. He holds out his hand and you take it gladly as you head out of the house.
He doesnât tell you where youâre going, not even when you try to annoy him and bully him into finally hinting something, but you should have known that he wouldnât break. He has a four year old daughter who is constantly bugging him, he has endless patience.
When he parks down in front of a modern apartment complex you kind of get really confused, because nothing around seems like the location youâd choose for a date.
âAre you gonna kidnap me and keep me hostage in one of the apartments here?â you ask him with narrowed eyes as the two of you head inside, taking the elevator up.
âItâs not kidnapping, you came willingly,â he smirks down at you.
âThat I did.â
When youâre at one of the apartments you are really lost about what he had planned and he finally breaks your suffering and tells you whatâs gonna happen as he keys the two of you into the apartment.
âThis is Niallâs place, he let us use it tonight. My mum always says that cooking together is a good first date, because food brings people together and you can easily get to know each other,â he explains as you walk into the modern, but definitely very manly home. âI didnât want to do it at home, because we are always there, so⌠Niall was nice enough to lend us his place for our date.â
You see that there are two full grocery bags on the kitchen counter and the table is already set for two, you wonder if Harry was here earlier, or Niall did the work for him. Either way, itâs such a thoughtful gesture and a perfect first date.
âWhere is he tonight?â you ask with a small smile.
âHe is visiting his mother, for a change,â Harry chuckles, knowing well you thought he would be out with a woman probably. âHe said he wonât be back until later tomorrow so we can even sleep here, but I thought it would be better if we went home.â
âSo what are we making?â you ask curiously as you peek into one of the grocery bags.
âWe are going to attempt to make gnocchi with some killer tomato sauce. And brownies for dessert,â he adds with a small smile.
âThat sounds great, what can I help with?â
âLet me just quickly pack everything out and then we have to peel the potatoes, yeah?â
âAlright,â you nod, your gaze wandering over to the spacious living room. âCan I look around?â
âSure,â he nods while he is already elbows deep in one of the bags.
Niallâs place looks like it came right off the pages of an interior design magazine, the furnishing is modern and more on the dark color range, but not too much to make it appear depressing. Right next to his huge TV thereâs a floor to ceiling bookcase filled with books mostly about music and art and you realize you donât even know what Niall does for a living. It just never came up between his heavy flirting sessions.
âI never asked, but what does Niall do?â you ask calling out to Harry.
âOh, he is a freelancer music producer. Tried to offer him a permanent spot at my company, but he prefers his freedom, like with everything else in his life,â he chuckles. âBut he is a good one, we used to make music together when we were younger.â
Just as he says that, you spot a picture of the two of them on the shelves and your lips part in a bit of a shock when you realize that Harry used to have long hair. Leaning closer you inspect the photo better and you feel like youâre looking at two entirely different people. Niallâs hair was bleached blonde which is already enough to make him like another version of himself, but Harry is definitely the biggest shocker. He was rocking some loose shirt with the top buttons left undone, his necklace with the cross pendant peeking out and though the photo ends somewhere above his knees, you can tell that he is wearing skinny jeans, something you never thought you would ever see him in.
âYou had long hair?â you ask joining him in the kitchen. Harryâs eyes shoot up to him, then he looks in the direction of the living room, a smile tugging on his lips as he probably remembers what photo you must have just seen.
âUh, yeah. Yes I did, when I was about 21 or 22.â
âI could hardly believe that was you in the picture, with the long locks and the skinny jeans,â you tease him.
âYeah, I was a lot different then, but after all, itâs been an entire decade since then,â he sniggles.
âWhy did you cut it?â
âUm, I was pretty new in the business back then and had a few assholes telling me that itâs not too masculine and all that. It was a time when I cared more about othersâ opinion than I should have so I kind of gave in and cut it.â
âIâm sorry they ruined it for you. But Iâm glad you donât care about others that much now,â you smile at him softly. Harryâs eyes flicker down to his painted nails and ring-clad fingers and you just know what he is about to ask before he even speaks up.
âDoes it⌠bother you? That I paint my nails and stuff?â
âNo,â you shake your head confidently. âNot at all. I mean, I never saw you without them, but at this point I think it wouldnât even feel right,â you add with a small laugh that brings Harryâs smile back as well. Stepping closer you kiss his shoulder softly before turning your focus on the food in front of you. âSo, letâs peel these bad boys!â
Itâs the first time you and Harry actually work together in the kitchen for more than just five minutes. He is always in control at home, taking over everything with Izzy and you know itâs a good bonding time for them, so you never even tried to push your way into it without their invitation. But now the bonding is all about you and him and so far youâve been a great team. The cutest thing is that he brought you matching aprons to protect your clothes and you look like you are in some cooking show for sure.
You keep asking questions from each other while working on the food, Harry asks you some more about your childhood and teenage years and he shares stories from college where he had this friend group of five. Niall was part of the group as well and he said he is still in touch with the other boys, but they all do very different things now, the other three are already fathers themselves and live far away, so they donât get to see each other that much.
You are making the little dumplings while Harry is on duty for cooking them, relentlessly fishing them out of the boiling water once they swim up to the top. When thatâs done, Harry starts making the sauce while you take care of the brownies. It all works out well, everything gets done easily and while the dessert is in the oven you start eating what you just created.
âMm, this sauce is really good!â you hum when you take the first bite.
âItâs my mumâs recipe,â he smiles proudly.
At the beginning of the evening you could tell that he felt nervous, not essentially about being with you, but probably because of the thought of going on a date in general. But as time passed by and he got more and more comfortable in the situation, you could see him loosen up and calm his nerves, so now that you are eating the dinner you made together and drinking a glass of fine wine, talking about anything and everything, you feel like he is actually enjoying something he was probably terrified from before.
When the brownies are done the two of you take advantage of the nice evening weather and Niallâs amazing balcony, moving out to the lounge chairs, munching on the dessert with the skyline of the city in front of you. At one point you start playing a game of would you rather, and after a while you ask each other the most random things, cracking each other up continuously. You donât even realize and itâs already past ten, you completely talked the evening away, but you donât regret any of it.
You clean up Niallâs place, leaving it just the way you got it, putting some leftovers into his fridge for him as a thank you for lending you his place before you head out.
Harry keeps a hand on you at all times on the way home, he is either holding your hand over the console, or rests his palm on your thigh above your knee, but either way, he just keeps the physical touch up always. Not that you mind, you are doing kind of the same, enjoying his closeness.
Arriving home you can feel a kind of tension growing, but not a bad kind. You want him. Your desire to go further than just kissing has grown immensely tonight, but you have no idea how he feels about taking it further and you donât want to push him past his boundaries.
âWant to⌠sleep with me again?â he shyly asks when youâre going up the stairs.
âYeah, I would love that,â you smile at him, giving him a quick peck on his cheek.
When you part ways in the hallway he probably expects you to do your night time routine, but you have other plans. Grabbing your polaroid camera you pad your way over to his room, knocking on the door, hoping he is not in the shower yet. When he calls out for you, he is standing at his dresser, the first few buttons of his shirt are already undone, but he is still dressed.
âI just thought that⌠we could snap a picture as a nice memento of our first date,â you shyly explain to him, holding the camera up.
âOh, yeah! Okay, how do you... how should weâŚ?â he looks around the room and you step to his dresser, placing the camera to the top of it.
âItâs got a timer,â you explain as you set it up and tell him where to stand so you can check if he is in the frame. When itâs all set, you glance back at him. âReady?â
âYeah,â he nods shyly. You push the button and step back to him. âWhat should weâŚâ he starts, but you already know what you want the picture to be like.
Cupping his face in your hands you pull him down and kiss him sweetly, for the first time tonight. Youâve noticed he hasnât tried to kiss you all night, being a gentleman, but youâve been craving it since he showed up at your door with the roses.
He hesitates for a moment, but eventually curls his arms around you, kissing you back softly. The timer goes off and the flash indicates that the photo has been taken. Pulling back you smile at him before taking the photo from the camera, setting it to the side to develop. Harry steps behind you, his arms coming to curl around your waist and you turn in his hold to face him.
âHi,â you smile at him giddily. âThanks for today.â
âIâm glad you enjoyed it,â he answers softly, making your heart flutter. You press your lips at his, kissing him hard and passionate, like you wanted all evening. He is quick to return the kiss with just as much passion as you put into it, his hands finding your waist as he slowly pulls you with him until the back of his legs hit the bed. He sits down and pulls you with him so you sit on his lap straddling him, never breaking the kiss as you settle in his arms, his hands roaming up and down your back.
Your kisses move from his delicious lips to his chiseled jawline and down his neck, your fingers working on the buttons of his dress shirt. You want him, you need him, he is all you can think about and the taste of his skin on your tongue is making you lose your mind.
His hands move up your thighs right to your bum, giving it a good squeeze, making you moan against the crook of his neck.
âFuck,â he growls, throwing the two of you to the bed, getting on top of you before his lips attack yours, kissing you with a demand heatedly. His lips move smoothly against yours, devouring you with every suck and lick, making you dizzy in the head with such little effort.
He starts kissing down your neck, through your collarbone and whatever is showing in your dress on your chest. Your fingers lace through his messy curls, keeping him close to you as you try to control your moans and gasps. His fingers hook under the thin straps of your dress and he is about to pull them down when he stops, breathing heavily against your skin.
Harry lifts his head, his eyes meeting yours as he is panting through his parted lips and you cup his cheeks in your hands.
âHey, whatâs wrong? Talk to me,â you tell him softly, knowing well his mind is probably racing right now.
âI justâŚâ he starts quietly. âI havenât been with anyone since⌠Maggie,â he admits in a whisper and your gaze softens on him.
âAnd I havenât been with anyone since Keith,â you admit truthfully. âWe donât have to do anything tonight. Iâm fine with just sleeping if thatâs all you want to do.â
âNo, I want to⌠I want to do things, I just⌠Iâm not used to it, I guess,â he breathes out as you run your fingers through his hair.
âItâs okay. We can take it slow. Whatever you feel comfortable with,â you assure him pecking his lips softly.
âIs it⌠Is it okay if we just⌠touch?â He is clearly feeling a bit embarrassed to ask, but you will not make him feel bad for asking for whatever he wants. Pulling him down for another kiss you smile up at him.
âTouching is perfect. Itâs all up to you,â you tell him and see the gratitude in his eyes right away.
Removing yourself off of his lap you climb back on the bed, pulling him with you until he is holding himself up above you. Your eyes meet for a second again before leaning down he kisses you slowly, taking his time with you. He is holding himself up on one arm while his other hand finds your hip, gently squeezing it when his tongue slides into your mouth through the kiss. Your hands move down his chest and you start unbuttoning his shirt until it falls open and he shimmies it off with a soft chuckle.
âLetâs get rid of the dress too,â you breathe out, reaching down for the hem of your dress, pulling it up until itâs off, leaving you in only your underwear. Youâre wearing a matching set with a strapless bra and as you lie back on the bed Harryâs eyes basically devour you, his gaze running up and down your body several times.
âYouâre so beautiful, Y/N,â he breathes out before leaning down and kissing you again, his hand cupping your side before wandering over to your stomach and up to your chest. He runs his hand over your chest, gently squeezing it, making you moan into the kiss.
âAnd youâre wearing too much clothes,â you grin as you reach down and start undoing his purple pants you ogled him quite often tonight. Harry chuckles as he holds himself up for you to work the button and the zipper on his pants before he takes over the task and gets rid of them himself, leaving him in only his boxer briefs and you have to hold yourself back from gasping when you see the growing bulge between his legs.
You donât get to eye him for too long, because he is back to kissing you, his body pressing up against yours as you let your hands roam his strong back, his skin burning under your touch. His lips travel down the line of your neck to your chest and his hand snakes behind your back, but he stops before he could do anything with the clasp of your bra. Glancing up at you he gives you a questioning glare, asking for your permission.
âYou can take it off,â you softly tell him nodding. His fingers are quick to undo it and a moment later youâre lying with a bare chest underneath him. His hand moves to your chest again and he kneads your breast again, this time with nothing between your skin and his palm. You whimper under his touch, youâve been so starved to be touched this way and now that itâs happening, itâs hard to control yourself, but Harry doesnât seem to mind seeing you react to what he is doing.
His lips return to your mouth and while he kisses you with so much passion, he slowly lays himself down next to you, so youâre facing each other sideways on the bed. He pulls you closer to him until youâre flushed against his hard chest and while your hand roams around his shoulders and back, his palm slides down your spine, over your waist until he calms bum, pushing you even closer to him. His clothed erection presses against your thigh and you canât help but whimper his name at the feeling.
His kisses slow down and his touch loosens on you until he pulls back, seemingly just for air, but you can tell his head is starting to race again, spiraling thoughts taking over his mind.
âDo you want me to take over control?â you softly ask him, pushing his unruly curls out of his forehead. His gaze softens and he nods shortly with gratefulness lacing through his look.
He watches you intently as you push yourself up into a sitting position, he rolls to his back and keeps his gaze on you as you hook your fingers into your panties, getting rid of them before doing the same for him with his boxers. He lifts his hips up as you pull down the elastic material, revealing his hard cock to your greedy eyes. You want nothing more than to taste him, but he said he just wants to touch so you donât try to overstep his limits, leaving this desire of yours to another time. Instead, you lean down, capturing his lips in a sweet, reassuring kiss that everything is going fine to calm his nerves as much as you can, while you place your palm to his lower stomach, moving down slowly until you find his hard cock, wrapping your hand around his length and giving it a few gentle stroke.
âFuck,â he breathes out against your parted lips and you canât push a smile down.
You kiss his lips, his cheeks, his jawline, everywhere around his face while you keep pumping him, spreading some of his precum down his length to help your hand move smoother. Your actions awaken something in him, he grabs your face in both his hands, kissing you hard before he pushes you to your back, becoming the one on top. He parts your legs with pushing a knee between your thighs and while you keep up with your motions, he gets down to action as well. One of his large palms runs down your abdomen, stroking your lower belly gently before it moves to your inner thigh, spreading you even more for him before you feel his touch on your heated and dripping wet core. First, he just teasingly runs two fingers through your folds, testing how wet you are and when he realizes that you are more than ready to whatever he has planned, he moves his thumb to your sensitive clit, drawing circles with the pad of his finger, sending a wave of pleasure up your spine immediately.
âHarry!â you moan his name, running your thumb over the head of his cock that makes him gasp and stop his motions for a moment before he returns to pleasuring you.
He buckles his hips into your touch while his fingers move down from your clit until he is teasing your entrance, just circling around it but not pushing into you. Rolling your hips you signal him that you want the teasing to end and he luckily gets the hint, slowly sliding two fingers inside you, curling them gently and it makes your eyes roll back immediately. He rests his forehead on your shoulder as he starts moving his fingers in and out of you while you try your best to keep up your pumping motion as well, moving your other hand to his balls to give him some of that extra pleasure and he seems to be liking what youâre doing, because your name keeps falling from his lips as keeps fingering you, curling his digits just the right way inside you from time to time.
âFuck, Y/N, I wonât last long,â he pants, his lips brushing against your neck before he kisses the soft skin above your collarbone.
âItâs alright. Just want you to feel good, H,â you assure him, though youâre getting closer to your release as well.
âAre you close?â he asks out of breath, still holding himself up above you, leaning onto his other arm next to your head.
âYeah, donât stop,â you nod, turning your head so your lips could meet for a kiss again.
You can tell he is trying hard to hold himself back, to stretch it out as long as he can. A torturous look tugs on his face and you kiss his temple, wanting nothing more than to see him finally reach the peak.
âLet go, H. Itâs alright,â you whisper against his skin and he whines at your words before you feel his cock jerk in your hand and he cums under your touch.
You keep stroking him as he rides his high, gasping and panting your name while he spills his semen onto your naked stomach. His fingers stopped moving inside you as he found his relief, but as soon as you feel him recovering from his orgasm, he goes right back to where he left it, desperately wanting to pleasure you as well.
âHarry!â you moan when he hits a specific spot inside you, tingling your nerves just right, your hands come to clasp onto his broad shoulders.
âCum for me, babe. Let me see you feel good,â he whispers before his lips occupy your mouth again, kissing you with so much passion and vigor, your senses are starting to overload.
âFuck, Iâm gonna cum!â you gasp feeling your toes curl and Harry picks his pace up, his thumb coming in contact with your clit as he tries to make you reach your high.
And then it finally happens. You stop breathing for a moment, the intensity of it washing over your whole body. Itâs been so long since you felt this good with anyone, and just the thought of doing this with Harry probably adds a lot to the equation.
He slows his fingers down, but makes sure to curl them inside you every time he pumps them in, and you repeat his name over and over again until you finally catch your breath. Your gaze meets his, and you see a happy and satisfied shine in his green irises as he leans down and kisses you sweetly, pulling his fingers out of you gently.
âMâgonna get a towel,â he murmurs, pecking your lips one last time before he gets up from the bed and walks into the bathroom while you lie on his bed, totally gone and worn out from your orgasm. Harry comes back with a damp washcloth and cleans up the mess he made on you before gently moving to between your legs, taking such good care of you. He drops the cloth to the floor, not wanting to leave the bed again as he pulls the covers over your bodies, pulling you into his arms.
âHow are you feeling?â you softly ask, pecking his toned chest.
âIâm good.â
Lifting your head you search for his eyes, wanting to make sure he didnât regret any of it, but he seems calm and rested for a change. Smiling up at him you push yourself up a little so you can connect your lips before you snuggle back to his side and let yourself slowly drift off to sleep, listening to his steady heartbeat under your face.
Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!
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BTS reaction #1:- When they kidnapped you. Hyung line.
Warning:- Kidnapping, stalking, mental illness, hacking, yandere! bts, mafia, use of drug, guns.
Masterlist.
Seokjin/Jin.
You sighed as you walk towards Seokjin's room. Working at an asylum is hard and exhausting, especially if your working for the most wanted serial killer who also runs a mafia and does killing as his 'hobby'. You don't understand why they gave you his case, you have just started your carrier, maybe cause you are the only person willing to put up with his disturbing shit.
"Why are you looking as if you are sick, princesses?" Ah, there he is sitting on his chair calling you by the nickname he gave you in your first week of attending him.
"Cause I am sick, Jin," I looked at him, you still wonder how he has not murdered you. You were sure that you were digging your own grave but somehow the mafia leader takes a liking to you, which you don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe he was a bit too touchy but he never really made you uncomfortable, just some innocent hugs and kisses, nothing much or nothing less. You don't have a problem with it as long as he was taking his medicines and therapy.
"Then you shouldn't be here, Princess, and I told you not to come here today why didn't you listened to my warning?" He came closer as you closed the door, he was towering you as he was taller than you and more build-up then you can ever get, it's not like you were a sporty person. You are a lazy potato.
"Jin, it's not the first time you told me that. All those time you warned me not to come at work, nothing happened. Now-" Before you can finish your sentence the emergency alarm went off, warning you that something was wrong.
"What the-? Jin, stay right here! I am going out to check what's going on." You were about to go outside when you heard gunshots coming from outside followed by screaming. Your body froze from the fear you were feeling, seems like someone broke in or a patient got there hands on a gun.
"I told you not to come here today, princess. Now you have to watch these all, my poor innocent baby." Jin walked towards you as you back away from him, maybe this is how you will die, at the hands of a mafia leader who do killing as his 'hobby'.
"Don't come near me, Kim Seokjin, or else I will hurt you." You said in a fake confident voice but your legs gave you out, they were shaking from terror. The gunshots continued outside, the screaming of terror and pain followed by it. Maybe, just maybe, you should have listened to him this time.
"Don't be scared, Princess. I will protect you, don't worry my men will not hurt you as they have given strict instructions to not to just you." He pulled your cowering self in his arms and kissed your head.
"Please...Jin- Let me go, please..." You begged helplessly as your tears began to ruin his shirt, not that he minds it. The door opened and a guy came with a gun, he looked at Seokjin and hand him a bolt, you can't see it because Seokjin pressed your head against his chest.
"Shhh, Princess. Go to sleep." Seokjin pressed a cloth, which you didn't even notice he had, to you mouth as you struggle before the drug kick in your system and you start to lose consciousness.
"Now you are all mine, Princess, all mine and only mine." That was the last thing you heard as your world went black.
Yoongi/Suga.
Yoongi was leaning against the alley wall as he was outside the club he owns as he was smoking, his right hand was bleeding since he just beat someone to death. He has dumped the body on a dumpster, which was were that bastard belongs. He heard some light footsteps but he didn't look up assuming that it was one of his men but when a bandage came in his view he looked up because his men know better than to offer him a bandage. He looked at the person offering him a bandage, he was surprised to see a girl, probably in her early 20s, wearing pyjamas smiling to him.
"Here, you are bleeding Mr." She offered him the bandage which he ignored.
"What are you doing here? This place is not for girls like you, go away before something happens." She made an offended face.
"What do you mean by 'Girls like me?' Just cause I am wearing a pyjamas doesn't mean you can judge me! Here take this bandage." She hands him the bandage but stopped as she eyed the cancer stick on his none injured hand.
"Huh, seems like I have to patch you up since your other hand is busy with that cancer stick." She sighed as she starts to take care of his hand. Yoongi looked at her face silently, wondering why is she not running away from him.
"All done!" She proudly said as she looks at Yoongi's hand. Yoongi looks at his hand, the bandage was done nicely, it even has a cute little bear character. Her phone chimed loudly, startling her.
"Oh? Yeah, yeah, I am coming! Stay where you are! Don't go anywhere!" She starts to walk to the main entrance of the club.
She looks back at Yoongi and yelled," Don't smoke, Mister! It's bad for your health! Take care of your wound, bye!"
Yoongi's eyes followed her as she helps a drunken girl who looks to be her friend into a car. As the car drove away, Yoongi realised that he didn't even get her name. He cursed and kick the wall angrily. Maybe, he will bump into her again.
The next time Yoongi meet you was at a cafe, you were getting a smoothie when Yoongi thanked you for that night.
He asked where did she get the bandage from and you answered by saying that you always carry a mini first aid kit in your car. By the end of the conversation, Yoongi gets to know her name, her number and her.
After that, both of them start to hang out more until Yoongi decided that its time to carry out the plan he has planned. He knows that the instant she finds out that he runs a mafia she is going to run away, which he wouldn't allow. That is why here she is, now drugged, laying on his bed in his mansion. He knows that what he is doing is insane and she is going to hate him for that but in the end, she has to love him again, she has to.
Hoseok/J-hope.
Hoseok first noticed you when you came with your best friend to his dance class, your best friend was looking after you as your mother was out of town.
You and your best friend entered the dance class, "Good evening, sir!" Your best friend exclaimed, making other students look at your way.
"Good evening! Oh? Whose that besides you?" Hoseok looks at you with curious eyes.
"This is my best friend, Y/N! I hope you don't mind her here since I have to look after her cause her mom is in another town."
"Oh, I thought she was your sister since both of you are wearing matching clothes and I don't mind her, why don't you join us, Y/N!"
"Sure, I guess." Those were the first word you said to him.
The dance session went smoothly, you were a born dancer, picking choreography quickly and even help some other students with some complicated moves.
All the things went smoothly until your mother came back to town since your best friend no longer needs to look after you, you stop coming with her to the dance classes.
Hoseok was disappointed to know that but at least he has your number.
From that day onward you and Hoseok start talking to each other every day, each day Hoseok obsession with you increased little by little.
Until one day, he kidnapped, it was not that difficult since you trust him enough to come to an abandoned place without telling anyone where you were going.
"Ohh, little one. I have dreamed of this day from day one, to have you in my arms, protected by me. Now no one can see you or steal you away from me, you are all mine and only mine.
Namjoon/RM.
All you ever wanted was a friend, was that too much to ask for? Well, it seems like it was since here you are hand and legs tied with a thick rope with a ducted tape on your mouth, preventing you from shouting for help.
You tried to make yourself as small as possible as the door opened, revealing you're so-called online best friend.
If only you never went on to message him in the first place, if only you stop talking to him after you told him that he got the wrong number. But you didn't, instead, you keep talking to him, ignoring all the red flags. You just wanted a friend but what you got? A hacker who used to stalk you through your webcam, who has now kidnapped you. You wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a psychopath- wait he already is since normal people don't kidnap people daily.
You could never agree to meet him at his house, you could at least told someone where you were going and with who you were meeting but you didn't since you knew that your parents will oppose the idea of you meeting a strange who you only know online.
"Aww, look at you, all curled up. It must be cold and lonely without me right?" No, it wasn't but now it's suffocating that you are here, you wanted to say that but you can't because of the tape and all you don't have a death wish, who knows what this psychopath can do to you if you angered him.
"Now that you are here, where you belong, why don't we get to know each other in person? Well, I know everything about you so it would be fair if you know everything about me too but let's not hurry since you are going to spend your whole life here. Aww, don't cry, I know that you are happy to hear it but don't cry, baby. It makes me feel like I have done something wrong."
Namjoon's reaction is a bit shorter than the other, sorry about that. This is my first ever reaction so please bear with me. I hope you guys like it!
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Whiskey drabble
A/N: I upset myself with my tags on @dragcn-queenâs Whiskey post so, naturally, Iâm making myself feel worse. Come mourn the life Whiskey DESERVED but never had the chance to experience.
Another note: this is a fucking hot mess and a half but Iâm Feelingâ˘ď¸ and need to release soâyeah.
Iâm killing myself imagining Whiskey sitting on his porch swing, the breeze cooling the tears tracks on his cheeks as he watches the grass sway in the distance, mourning the fact that he never had the chance to see a little mop of dark curls matching his bouncing through the fields as a childish giggle carries through the wind.
Whiskey sits in the middle of his room, having to fold and put away not only his sweethearts clothing, but his babyâs, too. His fingers run over the soft fabric of the many baby onesies he had once shoved in the basket while his wife giggled behind him. He doesnât feel the giddiness now.
He cries looking at the immaculately decorated nursery every day, but cries even harder when he makes the drunken mistake of painting over the small wispy clouds and little birds covering the walls one lonely night. What has he done? Forgive me, baby. Iâm so sorry. Please forgive meâ
He lays in his big king bed, hand resting where she slept, and clenches the cold sheets between tight fingers as his sobs echo through the dark house. Itâs too empty. Thereâs no laughter anymore. No warmth. He throws himself into his job to fight the overwhelming stab of loss.
He doesnât want it. Therapy doesnât work. What good is talking going to do? That wonât bring them back. Thereâs no point. But Champ remains firmâoffice duties until he sees fit, and strictly no active duty until explicit say so and the go ahead from the highly respected Statesman head doctorâthatâs what Whiskey calls him. A head doctor. He stays silent the first few sessionsâit wonât help, after all. Thereâs no point.
It takes so long, he wonders if heâll ever be active on the field again... but he can feel the difference, can look back and see how his anger, his hurt, his drowning inescapable loss skewed his vision of the world and the people within it. The people doing drugs werenât the problemâit was the drugs themselves. A new kid starts and he has to play babysitter, despite not being that much older. But heâs nice, this Agent Tequila. Makes a damn good friend. Whiskey laughs again.
Tequila helps him, more than heâll ever know. The kidâs surprisingly gentle, understanding, as he takes apart the cot and wraps it with protective sheeting. He doesnât make jokes, doesnât make faces of judgement at the quiet tears rolling down his friends face. Hell, he cries, too. Ainât nothing wrong with cryingâ, he says. Heâs a hugger, Whiskey discovers.
Itâs been years, and the ache is still there, but at least he can breathe now. He saved the worldânot too shabby, if you ask him. A couple of English cats came looking for trouble, but they were alright in the end. âEggsyâ. What kind of fucking name is âEggsyâ? Those strange Brits across the pondâheâll never quite understand. Even met Elton fucking John for Christ sakeâ
âShit, Iâm so sorryââ
He steadies the pretty thing in his arms as she barrels into him, dropping her groceries all over the floor and she spews apologies, dropping to ground and crawling over the dirty sidewalk to gather her bruised apples. Sheâs lovely.
He doesnât know when it happensâall he knows is the recognisable feeling of pure love. He hates it. Flees from it. Hides from it. It was a dishonour to his wife, and to his unborn baby. How could he even entertain the idea of a happy ever after when theyâre not here to experience it with him? He couldnât. He wonât.
He goes back to the head doctor. Itâs normal to feel this way, he says, but the dishonour to your wife and child would be not living your life.
She really is lovely. Shows up at the same time every Sunday, hands cradling a fresh bunch of wildflowers and face creased by a soft smile. Doesnât hate the fact that he still goes to the cemetery every week, even after so long. She encourages it, sometimes packs picnics and even talks to his angels in heaven as if they were right there. He cries in the car after buying a ring, even goes and sobs over his wifeâs grave, but then the sun shines through the clouds and bathes him in bright warm rays and he takes it as a blessing. Thank you, sweetheart.
The first ultrasound is a wonder. He watches the small area where the technician points to in awe. What a magical thing. He delivers so many kisses to that swollen belly, he worries sheâll get sick of it, but she never does. Always runs her hands through his hair, face soft and smile warm as she watches him.
Sheâs perfect. A baby girl. So small, but god does she have a voice. She announces her arrival with cries that all but knock him into the wall and heâs pushing past the nurses and doctors to look at her. She stops crying the second sheâs in his arms and he knows heâs in trouble. Heâd do absolutely anything for her and she already knows it.
He sits on the porch swing, softly rocking, as his fingers delicately fix the blanket around the small body in his arms, wide beautifully dark eyes blinking up at him curiously as he speaks. He tells her about everything while his wife sleeps soundly, heart thundering as a small hand grips tightly at his finger. His late wife, her unborn brother, her motherâtalking really does help. Who wouldâve thought?
A head bounces through the grass, wild dark curls billowing behind her as she runs, and Whiskey grins, opening his arms to catch the little body running for him with a love filled, âDaddy!â and heâs at peace.
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Why do I do this to myself? @wyn-dixie I MADE MYSELF FEEL WORSE
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FATWS One Shot #4 - Best Girls, Good Guys, Hand Art, Joy Rides
Word Count: 1922
Warnings: Cursing, Implied PTSD, Mention of IED, Motorcycle Ride Without Helmets
Setting/Characters: Captain America: The Winter Soldier in 2014; Reader, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Samâs therapy group, Lady at the Front Desk, Mentions of Peggy Carter and Riley
A/N: Hereâs number 4! Like I said in the previous One Shot, Iâm hoping to get TWS One Shots done today and tomorrow. Um, I donât have a lot to say this time since I unloaded pretty much everything in the last One Shot. So, I guess thatâs all!
This isnât betaâd, as usual, so please excuse any mistakes! Be kind to yourselves and others! Enjoy this part, thank you for reading, and stay tuned!
FATWS Masterlist
cjsinkythoughts Masterlist
(PICTURE DOESNâT REPRESENT READER, JUST WHAT THE ART STEVE DREW LOOKS LIKE!)
âHow is she?â
Steve nodded, taking the helmet he insisted on keeping for you in the compartment under his seat out and handing it over. What a hypocrite. âSheâs fine. I guess. SheâŚforgot. We were in the middle of a conversation and sheâŚforgot I was alive.â
You gave his shoulder a squeeze. âAlzheimerâs is a scary thing. Iâm sorry. It must be hard seeing your best girl go through that.â He froze, his wide eyes scanning you. You ignored his gaze, giving him the helmet back. You really hoped it didnât come out as sad and spiteful as you meant it. You didnât want to despise her, you really didnât. You couldnât. You had too much respect for her. She did help build the organization you worked for. You just hated the position you found yourself in. âWeâre just going to the VA. Itâs not too far. Iâll be fine.â
âNo, honey. I donât want you getting hurt-â
âI wonât, Steve.â You pushed back. âIâve done it before in a lot more dangerous places than the streets of DC. Plus, I trust you. You wouldnât let me get hurt, would you?â
His lips turned up slightly, his head shaking just enough. âNo. No, I wouldnât. Hop on, then.â He jerked his head to his bike, putting the helmet away before sitting down with you following his lead. You pressed against him, an arm around his waist, thighs squeezing his hips lightly. âReady?â
âMhmm.â You hummed, setting your chin on his shoulder.
The bike roared to life underneath you before you took off. You were never worried when Steve drove. Sometimes he liked going fast when you two go for a drive through backroads of Virginia for a weekend, camping underneath the stars. But when you were in DC, he cruised, fast enough that you could get pulled over for doing ten over, but slow enough that you didnât have to shout over the rush of the wind combing through your hair.
He usually talked to you while driving, but he was quiet this time. You turned your head to study him. His jaw ticked ever so often, his eyebrows furrowed and those pink lips turned down.
You didnât want to distract him, but you couldnât help but lift your free hand, tracing his jaw from his chin to his ear before pressing soft circles into the hinge of his jaw with your thumb. âAre you okay? Did I upset you?â
âNo. No, youâre perfect, honey.â He reassured quickly, moving around a car, side eyeing you for just a second. âIâve justâŚthereâs a lot on my mind. A lot I need to figure out.â
You nodded. âIf you ever need me. Iâm here.â
He grinned, taking your hand in one of his to press a kiss to the knuckles, eyes not leaving the road. âI know.â
âTell me more about this Sam Wilson guy.â
Steve chuckled before telling you about his run the day prior and how he lapped Wilson a few times and their conversation afterwards. He was just finishing up when he parked in the parking garage of the VA, âand then Natasha drove up saying she was looking for a fossil she was supposed to pick up.â
âA fossil.â You snorted. âIâm gonna have to use that.â
He gave you a playful glare as you swung your leg around and stood up. Catching your jaw between his fingers, he chuckled when he squished your cheeks together. âCall me a fossil, honey, and Iâll tell Fury the only way Iâm doing missions is if you donât.â
You gasped, shaking your head. âYou âouldnâ!â You slurred out, trying to talk with your lips pursed.
He gave a little giggle, gently making your head move up and down in a nod. âOh yes I would.â He pecked your nose, letting go of your cheeks. âCâmon, dame.â You blinked after him as he started towards the elevators with long strides.
âYouâre an ass, you know that?â
He smirked at you over his shoulder as you jogged to catch up, holding his hand out behind him. âCâmon. You know Iâd never do that to ya.â
Narrowing your eyes, you snatched his hand and huffed. âWellâŚyeah. But still.â
Another chuckle left his lips, pulling you closer to his side as you pressed the button for the elevator, leaving a kiss on your head. You fell into comfortable silence after that, Steveâs thumb tracing patterns on your hand while you waited for the elevator to ding.
When it finally did, Steve had a pen pulled out and, as you entered the elevator, he pulled your hand up closer to his face, lifting the writing utensil to the back of your palm.
You didnât say anything, merely looking around the elevator after pushing the level you were going to. It was something you found that calmed Steve; drawing. So whenever he was bored or anxious, you let him draw on your hand. He used to ask, but he stopped after you told him youâd never say no.
The elevator dinged and the doors open, causing Steve to stop inking up your skin and drop your still linked hands down to your sides, shoving his pen in his pocket. You looked down at the partial flower and leaves wrapping around your wrist, smiling affectionately. He really was a good artist.
The lady at the front desk told you where to go when you asked for Sam Wilson, which Steve did rather eagerly, making you laugh. He had told you about Samâs want to impress her when he came in. Apparently he was with a group, but she said it was okay for you to go in as long as you didnât disrupt anything. Steve thanked her, before following her directions down the hall and around the corner.
You heard them before you saw them. A woman was talking, telling a story of how she got pulled over the previous week. Steve leaned against a column to the side of the room, out of the way, putting his hands in his pockets. You let his hand go to allow him to do so, linking your arm with his and holding his wrist with your free hand.
âI swervedâŚto miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED.â
You watched Steveâs reactions through the rest of the session. It wasnât much longer - maybe ten minutes - before it ended. You had tried to convince him to go to one of these when he first got out of the ice, but he refused.
âIâve already got you, honey. Thatâs all I need.â
And, yes, he did have you; your assignment was literally helping him with that stuff. But you still thought heâd benefit from it. Especially now since you had started going back on your own assignments. Maybe heâd start going to Wilsonâs.
After the meeting, you and Steve walked up to the veteran who had just finished his farewells and started cleaning up the table at the front with brochures and things. âLook who it is. The running man. And whoâs this pretty lady?â
You smiled, sticking out your hand, your name leaving your lips in an introduction. âSam Wilson.â He shook your hand with a grin of his own. âNice to meet you, cher.â
âYou too, Sam.â
âWe caught the last few minutes.â Steve stated, leaning on the wall again, keeping his arm linked with yours. âItâs pretty intense.â
You listened sadly as Sam told you two about his wingman, Riley, but you didnât pity him. You knew what it was like to lose people and you hated the pity you received from others. You were glad to see he wasnât beating himself up over it, even allowing himself to smile as the conversation shifted to his retirement. Steve was right; he did seem like a good guy.Â
âAre you thinking about getting out?â
You glanced up at Steve as he answered âno.â You saw the hesitation in his eyes that flickered to you, before he met Samâs again. âI donât know.â Hearing Steve admit that he didnât know what he wanted made your heartache. You wanted him to be happy, and the fact that he didnât know what made him happy caused you to grip his arm tighter.
You, Sam, and Steve talked a bit longer, getting to know each other a little better. You even did the unthinkable and told him you worked for SHIELD when he asked how you two knew each other. Steve raised an amused eyebrow as your eyes widened, your hand slapping over your mouth.
âHoly shit. I canât believe I just told you that. You canât tell anyone.â
Sam laughed, shaking his head. âDonât worry. My lips are sealed.â
You finally said bye when Sam mentioned needing to get back to work. Walking back towards the elevators, Steve chuckled and nudged you. âYou warmed up to him quickly.â
âHa ha.â You rolled your eyes, your face landing in your hands. âOh my God. Iâve never told anyone that. Ever.â
âI told you. Heâs a good person. Easy to talk to.â
âYeahâŚspeaking of,â you tilted your head up to him as you stepped into the elevator, the doors closing behind you. âDo you want to get out?â
His Adamâs apple bobbed when he swallowed thickly. âThatâs not what I said. I justâŚI donât really knowâŚwhat to do.â
You pouted a little, tilting your head. âWhat would youâve done in the 40âs? After the war?â
âI dunno.â He shuffled on his feet. âBe a lab rat.â
âSteven-â
âForget it. Forget I said anything.â Your frown deepened, your arms crossing over your chest. âPlease donât.â He said softly, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, one thumb smoothing out your forehead while the other ran over your pouty lips. âDonât be upset.â
You sighed, shaking your head. âIâm not. I, justâŚworry.â
He placed his lips to your forehead, hands slipping to your waist to pull you closer. âWell donât.â
Your hands mimicked his previous position, holding his face, thumb brushing under his eyes. Your eyes caught sight of the barely started design on your hand, and your lips pursed thoughtfully.Â
âWhat?â
âDrawing makes you happy.â He blinked at your words, confusion in those ocean eyes of his. âYou said you donât know what makes you happy. Drawing does. And youâre really good at it. You could be an artist or something. Like a tattoo artist. Iâd go to you. I mean, look at this!â You showed him your hand. âItâs not even halfway done and you did it with a crappy dollar store penâ
He gave you a small smile. âI appreciate that, honey, but I donât think I could do that day in and day out.â
âEven with new customers coming in every day, asking for different designs in different places?â
Giving a chuckle, he leaned into your palm, kissing it. âYou really want me to think about this donât you?â
You scoffed. âDuh!â
He shook his head, ducking down to press his lips to your cheek, before laying his forehead on your shoulder. âIâm okay right now.â
âAre you?â
âMhmm.â He hummed, arms wrapping around you. âBecause I have you. And you make me happy, honey.â
You hugged him back, face pressing into his neck. You were glad you made him happy. And as long as you made him happy, youâd keep this relationship the way it was. Even if that meant youâd never be his best girl. âYou make me happy too, bubs.â
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Part Seven: Regrets
Atsumu x fem reader, Suna x rem reader, Hinata x fem reader
A/N: guess whoâs fridge went out and wonât be able to get a new one till the 15th đđťââď¸đŠ. Sorry this chapter is shorter than usual itâs kind of a filler But next chapter should be pretty long. I know a couple of people were wonder what happened with him so here we are with the return of a character. I might set up a poll for who should YN end up with so look out for that. Iâm going to start writing my next story soon itâs going to be another angst!
Warning: Angst thatâs about it. Maybe a lil lewd language.
Part Six: Promises
Part Eight: Hope
He laid in his empty bed staring up at his ceiling the only sound filtering through the room was the echo of the tv in the livingroom. He didnât have the energy to go shut it off, plus he found comfort the noise it brought he found the silence unbearable. He sighed as he looked at the open space next to him. He never took much stock in how empty it felt without you next to him. The smell of your shampoo had long since vanished from the pillows. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine you were here next to him your head resting on his chest your hands interwoven talking about your plans for the day but while the memory played in his head clear as day his body had forgotten your warmth. It wasnât too hard to picture , you had spent several morning just like that wrapped in each otherâs embrace. He thinks to the mornings heâd walk out of his early showers to find you leaning against the kitchen counter drinking your morning coffee. He can still remember how you enjoyed your first cup of coffee to start your day. You liked your coffee sweet , but to were you could still taste the rich coffee flavor, always pairing it with an array of creamers. He remembers when you first started staying over at his place and he realized your affinity for flavored coffee he went out to the store and stocked up on as many flavors he could find in hopes youâd stay for more coffee before heading off to school. He loved that sight in the morning walking out and seeing you clad in just his shirt your hair a mess from last nights activities. But you werenât here to have coffee in the morning, all of the creamers starting to expire, and he had no one to blame but himself.
Atsumu has spent the last seven month alone. There were a few nights heâd tried to pick up girls just to try and fill the gigantic hole left in his life by your absence but those all ended in disaster. One night he tried to have a careless hook up it didnât get past the front door when he accidentally moaned your name when the random girl had cupped his manhood. She wasnât very happy about that. He received a knee to the groin as she fleed the house. Another time he tried he was able to keep his mouth shut from making any mistakes after choosing a girl who was nothing like you but then he had another problem. He couldnât get it up. You plagued his thoughts. You were the only woman his body wanted. It was quite embarrassing.
After Suna rocked his shit he finally started to snap out of his self pity. Why the hell was he crying? Because he was lonely? He can only imagine how lonely you felt every night he didnât come home. He sighs running his hands down his face he really was a piece of shit he thinks. He didnât treat you the way you deserved and he knows that. He knows he was selfish and inconsiderate. He knows heâs way to late but he regrets everything he did. Every single mistake eats away at him. None of it was worth it. Every flirt, every compliment that boosted his ego, the rush of excitement of being with someone else it was all worthless compared to being with you. He thinks back to everynight he stayed out late or he canceled dates, about the pain that hid behind your eyes. Now that his head wasnât stuck up his ass he could finally see all of the misery he put you through. And he hated himself for it.
The setter wanted nothing more that to fix all of his mistakes, but he knew he was too late. Atsumu didnât expect you to ever in a thousand years forgive him or even in a million years want him back, but he knows he canât just do nothing. Heâd spend the rest of his days trying to make amends. After Suna had pointed out how horrible he was for not looking for you he did everything to find you. He started by calling the University to see if you had been attending class but even with the title of fiancĂŠ , which he understood was false by not adding former to the title, they refused him any information to protect your privacy. He had long noticed the empty bank account but he wasnât worried about that the money it was the least you deserved. Plus the fantasy of making you his wife and calling you YN Miya was nothing but a pipe dream now. So heâs sure the money would do you better. He tried to follow any money trail you left. He found the hotel that you must have run to that night. But even that was a bust leading to a dead end. He only knew one more course of action. He called your parents. They refused to answer his calls. Eventually he drove down to Hyogo by himself. The setter stood there on the front steps heâd stand on every morning when heâd walk you to school. It felt so familiar to knock on the cedar door, but everything felt so distant from his memories. Still he wasnât quite sure what he expected, maybe for you to answer the door with a bright smile like you had all those years ago yet what he received was your mother standing there with a look of disgust present. He didnât get a word in before she slammed the door in his face. He begged for her come back to please talk to him he just needed answers but he only received silence. He stayed there for close to an hour trying to get just a morsel of information. It was useless they refused to speak to him. That was his last idea he could come up with for finding you. Full of dread he made his way to his car ready to make the long drive home. The next day he received a phone call from his brother.
âHey Samu whatâs u-â the blonde started before his grey haired twin interrupted his greeting going straight to the point.
âSheâs alive and fine,â Atsumus heart stuttered before he breathed a sigh of relief. He opened his mouth to ask his next question but Osamu cut him off yet again already knowing what his twin was going to ask.
âNo we donât know where she is. Kita-Senpai went to her parents and all theyâd state was she was alive and out of harm, not that Iâd tell you where she is if I knew,â Osamuâs tone was sharp. Atsumu knew he deserved that. His brother had made him well aware of his dissatisfaction in the blondes actions. He had to thank the his brother though, as upset he was with him he still looked out for him. Always checking up on him making sure he was eating and keeping up with his hygiene, throwing away all the liquor he could find because as disappointed he was with Atsumu he couldnât let him tear himself apart.
âI know Samu, thank you for telling me.â He spoke softly before clicking the end call button.
He accepted that it was best he stayed out of your life. He wanted to make everything up to you and if staying out of your life was wanted then heâd respect your wishes. He spent the next months bettering himself. He cut all alcohol out of his life. Only going out when it was with his teammates although that was a rare occurrence they were also quite disappointed with how he had treated you, especially his wing spiker Sakusa. Omi-Omi had always had a soft spot for you. But still they didnât let it affect their game play. He focused all of his energy on volleyball. He even started going to a few therapy sessions for his self distructive behaviors and impulses. He really wanted to do and be better if not for you then for himself. Although he still had trouble being home alone without you, never feeling quite whole. With out you this house would never truly be his home again. He was starting to get better and not drown in agony every morning he woke up alone although he knew he deserved it. One step that had made the process easier was boxing up the remainder of your belongings that you had left. For so long he had kept everything just as you left it hopeful for your return thinking maybe everything could go back to normal and life could be picked up where it was left off although this time heâd swear to never hurt you again. It was unrealistic to think that though. His therapist had told his several times it was a step he needed to take and while it took several months he was finally able to remove any trace from the house. That night he cried him self to sleep from the finality that came from not seeing a piece of you around as though you had never been there in the first place.
He regretted not cherishing you for the amazing woman you are. Heâll never forgive himself for losing the best thing to everything to happen to him. At Seven months since that night he was finally able to breath when he went home, not suffocating from regret every moment present in those walls. The Jackals were on a winning streak and even more exciting they had just got a new member. And after all these years he was able to hold up at least one promise he had made after breaking so many at least he could fulfill one promise by finally getting to set for Shoyo Hinata.
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Infinity & Beyond (Wanda Maximoff x Reader) Chapter 4
Summary: This chapter focuses on the journey of the reader during the five years without Wanda.
A/N: Thank you for the likes and reblogs! Hope that you are all enjoying the story.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
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You wake up a few months later in the Avengers compound once again. This time with your memories intact and feeling unbelievably disappointed. âShe found him,â you find yourself saying to whoever was in the room as you involuntarily sit up on the bed. The nurse brushes it off as some weird superhero thing and not something to address. But then you repeat yourself again and again until she alerts Bruce who grabs the attention of the other remaining Avengers.
"What do you think she means?" Natasha questions as you make the statement again.
"Maybe she's talking about Wanda and Vision?" Steve chimes in with a concerned look on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.
"Why would she be talking about Wanda and Vision? Vision was an advanced robot with a stone in his head, he had no soul for Wanda to find. If any of that exists," Bruce points out.
"I don't know then," Steve shrugs. Then you repeat the phrase again. "Maybe it's Wanda and her brother? I don't know, maybe we're too focused on the cloudy eyes thing. We could be thinking about this too hard."
Then Rhodey comes into the room to inform the members that the radar has picked up a signal of an unidentified flying object. He thinks that Carol might be back. "Just say UFO," Natasha rolls her eyes as she follows the guys out of the building. On their way out she spots a worried Pepper Pots and quirks her lips into a reassuring smile. "I think she found him," she says to the woman and leads her to the landing zone of the compound. It's only then that Natasha realizes what you meant. Sure enough, a woman is carrying a ship into the landing zone with Tony Stark and someone named Nebula. Pepper wraps her arms around Tony in tears and relief. He is quickly brought to the medical wing where you remain. Somehow having watched the whole thing from your bed.
When you come out of it the nurse informs you that your eyes had gone cloudy for a moment and you had predicted the return of your father. "He isn't my father," you grouched. Huh, must be another ability, you think to yourself.
Later, after passing a few diagnostic exams with flying colors, you are discharged from your hospital room and are eating across from a very serious Thor as people argue and yell at each other. It was weird to eat actual food. Thor was almost amused watching you figure out how to hold your sandwich.
Tony is then rolled into the room with a furious energy. You can tell that he is really hurting from this loss, that he is frustrated and you can even feel betrayal radiating off of him somehow. Of course, it's not until he's shouting at the Captain that you realize you are feeling his emotions. You were feeling everyone's defeated emotions and it was beginning to suffocate you. As you try to distract yourself with the food, your mind wanders to how overwhelmed Wanda must've felt being able to read people's minds. That leads to the memory of Wanda slipping from you and it's almost too much to handle. You toss the plate in front of you, disrupting the ongoing argument. Youâre squeezing your skull as the tears come and you scream for it all to stop. Natasha and Steve fall to your side as they do their best to calm you down. Once the memory leaves you and you've settled, everyone in the room gets serious about finding Thanos.
Nebula is useful as she provides the only lead to finding Thanos and you join them on the spaceship, brushing off everyone's concerns. The talking racoon asks how many of you havenât been to space before, you raise your hand among the others which seems to be enough to make him laugh. You don't understand why until the ship rushes off to space.
Arriving just outside the planet, a floating woman you hadn't been introduced to yet appears at the front window and is surprised to report that the planet is just Thanos. Along with everyone else, you are heart broken to find out that he had destroyed the stones. You feel for Thor when he says he went for the head and shed another tear for the woman that Thanos had taken from you. It feels like you just lost her all over again.
The first year is the longest. The days feel never ending and drag on. Most nights were spent jolting out of bed in a cold sweat as you're being haunted by memories. It often felt like you were back in the hands of Hydra being electrocuted and injected, spoken to in a language you didn't know, probably German. Everything that was done to you in the time you were captured, everything that your mind had originally suppressed, was attacking you each night. Going through it alone made you miss Wanda even more. So once you could remind yourself that you were safe, you had also been reminded that you were alone. Lots of tears were shed in the night.
After Tony built up enough strength to leave the compound he did but he never stayed gone long. He would return often to attempt to build a relationship with you. It wasnât easy trying to let him in, the lack of sleep being no help, so you didnât. Your resistance never stopped him from making the effort to get to know you. Now that he knew you existed, he wanted to be part of your life. Tony knew that you needed family and he was all you had left, even if you didn't want to accept it. He promised to never abandon you ever again.
That didnât mean he stopped living his life. Within a few months of his recovery, Tony invited you to his surprisingly low-key wedding which you begrudgingly attended with Natasha and Steve. They had been helping you out a lot with coping and figuring out whether or not you wanted Tony in your life. Steve often joked about fighting him again to get him to back off, but you never took the offer. You did your best to enjoy yourself at the wedding but it only reminded you of what you couldnât have.
You smiled your way through the night as you thought about Wanda.
Her smile, the dress she wouldâve worn, her laugh, that look in her eyes that is so full of love and only reserved for you. Your mind went even further back to a time when Pietro was alive and how they wouldâve danced together and how happy he would have been for the two of you. You even imagine the wide grin he would have walking Wanda down the aisle and the single tear he would shed. Once he found that ring of yours he was constantly harassing you about when and how you were going to ask his twin. Even giving unwanted advice and ideas. It was all so consuming. That night you fell asleep crying in Natashaâs arms.
Months later, while Tony was visiting you he included you in on a secret. Pepper was pregnant. You didnât exactly give the most joyous reaction but you were happy for him and Pepper. âWhen sheâs born, promise me you wonât come back here,â you find yourself saying.
âWell I donât know if sheâs a girl yet but⌠why donât you want me to come around here?â Tony asks as he returns the ultrasound image to his pocket.
âI want the three of you to be happy. I donât want you to worry about me. Besides, Iâm thinking of asking Nat to start assigning me to missions. I probably wonât be around as much and I really just need to get my mind off of the things I lost and the things I canât have.â You keep your eyes on the promise ring Wanda had given you on your first anniversary. âBut I want you and Pepper to be happy. Enjoy your life Tony. You donât need to make things right with me to do that.â Tony disagrees but hugs you as he says his goodbyes and you find Natasha for your first assignment.
You are there for the birth of Morgan Stark. You forge her a special necklace from your powers and smile at the little bundle of joy. âCongrats you guys, she is so precious,â you say as you hold the baby.
âThank you, Y/N,â Pepper says with hooded eyes and a tired smile. You hand the baby back to Tony and leave before thoughts of Wanda could invade and cloud your head. She always wanted a family. She used to fantasize about the kinds of parents the two of you would be. The types of kids you guys would raise. Baby names⌠Being away allowed you to forget her. But moments like these threatened to tear you down.
More years pass and Natasha is forced to ground you from missions because you have become too mentally unstable and a major liability. Steve drags you to his group therapy sessions but you hardly pay attention or contribute. You just miss Wanda and you allow yourself to feel that pain because running from it has only made it grow. For the most part you spent your time sitting in meetings with Steve or Nat. You preferred being in Natashaâs meetings since they were about mission updates and strategy and not about people crying over first dates. Shortly after that particular meeting Steve began to hint that maybe you should give it a try, you shut him down and turned it around on him. He quickly dropped the subject.
Among that daily schedule you would end your nights curled up on your bed in the room Wanda stayed in while she was waiting for you to come back to her. You would hold some clothes that still smelled like her to your nose as you listened to sad songs. For a while youâre stuck listening to Little Talks wondering if her spirit was lying by your side trying to reach out to you. Some of the things you felt were too painful to keep around and you had them stored at a special place far enough from here. One of them being the old computer. Well, they had been stored away for you but sometimes you convinced yourself that you made the call on your own. Not that Natasha arranged a team to steal most of your belongings.
Tony was generous enough to copy every video and photo file from the computer and put them into your phone. They helped you go to sleep at night.
Then one day, a man you swore had to have been on the vanished list that Nat viewed often, appears at the gate. âIs this old?â Steve asks.
âThis is live,â Natasha says. They let him in and the three of you stand around as he explains how he can help. You, Nat, and Steve are skeptical but not so much that you guys donât have hope it wonât work. Immediately you guys are on the road to find Tony Stark.
Over the years you tried to visit between missions, when you could. Not for Tony but for Morgan. You couldnât help but fall for the little girl, she was your sister and you wanted to be the best big sister you could be for her. You also wanted to make sure she knew how many people cared for her and that she would always be safe and protected. Natasha was also captivated by her and would sometimes join you on the visits. You girls would play once she was able to run around and you even showed her some of your powers. During this time you finally allowed Tony in and even established a healthy relationship with him and Pepper because whether or not you wanted to accept it, they were your family.
When you arrive at the cabin, Morgan jumps out of Tonyâs arms and runs into yours. âY/N/N!â She shouts happily. You greet her with just as much energy and take her into the house to let them do the talking.
Pepper prepares some drinks and has you take them out to everyone. You re-enter the kitchen to help her with lunch. âWhy arenât you out there with the rest of them?â Pepper asks conversationally.
âBecause my powers are connected to my emotions and if your husband says no⌠I might accidentally blow him into bits and pieces,â you sigh.
Despite herself, Pepper laughs a little. âYou know,â she starts. âIf you called him dad, he wonât have any other choice than to say yes.â
You shake your head, not this again. âNot going to happen.â Tony hasnât directly asked you to say it but Pepper has and she keeps bringing up how much it would mean to him to hear you say it. âBesides with what weâre trying to do thereâs a chance that he might lose all of this. Iâm not even sure if I want him to say yes.â Your gaze lands on Morgan playing with her toys. Pepper follows your gaze and smiles softly.
âHey Morgan, sweetie?â Pepper calls attention to her daughter who curiously looks up at her mother. âYou should go out there and rescue daddy,â Pepper says. The little girl's face lights up as she stands to run to the front door. âKnowing Tony, he will find a way to protect everything he loves and save the world. Even if it kills him,â there is something in the way she says those words that causes the two of you to share a look. A hopeful letâs hope it doesnât come down to that.
She then gives you a hug and tells you to stop by more often, she wishes you luck, and you leave the warmth of the home to the frowns of your rejected friends. You donât look at Tony when you bid him goodbye.
Next you find yourself in Bruceâs diner and watch as Scott Lang fails to be recognized as Ant-Man by some kids. Bruce is willing to give the time travel a try and on the day the test run is done, you begin to lose hope again. You eat your taco near a window as you observe Scott set up in the landing zone. You laugh when Nebula and Rocket arrive blowing away his food. You almost canât believe that is the guy who had access to the closest thing they had to a time machine. Steve walks in smiling at your laugh, you donât do that often, with Tony barking orders behind him. People get to work on the machine and that pesky flicker of hope is restored.
As you work on things Tony is by your side teaching you about every part you are using and putting together. You just let him rattle on and on as you let yourself fantasize about holding Wanda in your arms again. Before you know it they are doing the first test run with Clint Barton. He disappears and instantly reappears with a baseball glove and a stunned expression. âIt works,â he says and that feeling of hope causes your heart to pound in your chest. You are going to see her again. Now to find out when to travel to.
âSee you in a minute,â Nat says with contained excitement. She is just as excited to complete this mission as you are. After a lot of thinking and planning they separated into three teams of people. Tony, Steve, Bruce, and Scott leave to 2012 to retrieve the tesseract, scepter, and the time stone. Nat, Clint, Nebula, and Rhodey vanish to 2014 to grab the power stone and the soul stone. The last team is just Thor and Rocket to grab the reality stone that is apparently inside of Thorâs former girlfriend. Tony, Steve, and Nat wouldnât let you go on the mission because they still think youâre a liability. You argue that Thor isnât exactly the picture of mental stability but they point out that Thor is the only one on their team that knows Asgard and where that stone is.
So you sit and pout in a chair for the quick minute that everyone is gone. Part of what has you so pissed off is that you didnât get to experience time traveling. All because of a few bad missions. You watch them disappear and stare at the platform but time seems to drag on and you look down at your phone with a sigh. In that second everyone has returned with their stones and your heart drops. You notice one person missing and frown. âWhereâs Nat?â You ask. Clint wears a broken expression and takes a breath before explaining how he received the stone. âOh,â is all you can come up with.
Clint felt that it shouldâve been him and you didnât disagree but you understood why Natasha sacrificed herself. She confided in you a few times about how she felt like a monster because of what she was forced to do when she was being raised in the Red Room. She even talked about the mandatory hysterectomy and hated that she could never carry kids of her own. You did your best to try and cheer her up by telling her that adoption was always an option. âNo agency is going to allow a former assassin to adopt a kid. Trust me⌠I tried.â She then boasted about Clint and his family, she loved them as if they were her own family. âIâll deny it if you tell anyone but I cried like a baby the first time his daughter called me aunty Nat,â she got teary eyed and you passed her another shot of vodka.
Natasha missed them so much and you knew she would sacrifice herself to get them back. She wouldnât have been able to live with herself if his family came back and she had to inform them that he died to save her. She probably would have felt like a bigger monster than she already thought she was. You stood up and left the room to collect yourself and get as far away from everyoneâs grief as possible. Natasha had easily become your best friend these past few years. In the past year that youâve been stuck at the compound there were days when it felt like all you had was each other. You canât believe sheâs gone but you have to hope that there is still a way to bring her back.
Banner finds you later and makes you some food and Rocket sits with you and the rest of the guys sit by the dock to talk. You force the comfort food down despite feeling too sad to eat and notice Nebula walking back into the time machine area. They call you into another room where theyâre going to put the stones together but you ignore them and follow Nebula. They let you go, assuming that youâre still upset about losing Natasha. The first time you went on an actual mission with Nebula, you were put off with how serious she was so you came up with random nicknames to call her. She was annoyed initially but eventually she mentioned how funny she thought it was. Her tone had remained emotionless as she told you that and you had to refrain from laughing because it felt rude to do so as she was opening up. Nebula was still a very serious person to be around but she loosened up a bit around you, even called you her friend.
âHey Neb-Neb!â You called out after her but she ignored you. âBu-Bu! Hello?â You followed her to the control panel, âNella, whatâs going on with yoââ she cuts you off by wrapping her hand around your throat and speaking to you through gritted teeth. There was definitely something off about Nebula but you couldnât quite figure it out. So you fought back because you werenât fighting your friend, you were fighting a stranger. The two of you go hand in hand until she slips out of your hold and goes back to the control panel. You move to stop her but are too late. Next thing you know, you are waking up in rubble.
With a groan you sit up and dust yourself off then quickly panic, you donât even know if they had time to do the reverse snap. You crawl your way out of the rubble and find Steve, Tony, and Thor speaking in hushed tones. âDid you guys do the snap? What happened?â You ask frantically, you need to know that youâll be seeing Wanda again. Losing her a third time was simply not an option. Then you see a very alive Thanos just sitting there. Thatâs when it connects in your head. It was a different Nebula and she was getting a past version of Thanos into this present. âPlease tell me you guys did the snap,â you look at Tony and he nods. But the look on everyone's faces told you that they didnât know if it worked.
You join them as they attack Thanos but he is powerful and not easy to bring down. Youâre tossed into another pile of rubble and shake your head, annoyed with yourself because you felt useless. Your powers were failing you and you couldnât fathom as to why. Out of nowhere you see portals open up one by one, the people that had vanished and the people that hadnât stepped through each portal. Then an enormous Ant-Man emerges from the ground and drops off a few more people that mustâve been trapped from the destruction of the compound. You gather with the rest of them and really focus to activate your powers as Steve grabs Mjolnir and shouts, âAvengers⌠Assemble!â Despite the unsuccessful attempt, you still charge along with the rest of them to fight against Thanosâ army.
Without seeing her, you could just sense that Wanda is among the rest and as much as you want a reunion, saving the world takes precedence at the moment. You could practically hear her telling you to go be a hero anyway. As you fight against Thanosâ army, using the hand to hand combat skills Natasha and Steve taught you, a part of you is still distracted and searches for Wanda. Regardless of where you want your focus at the moment. You make your way around the battlefield hoping to knock into her or something so that you don't get yourself killed trying to find her. Then you hear her.
âYou took everything from me,â her tone is heavy and her eyes are glowing. You come to the conclusion that she must not know whether or not you are alive. So you donât let her know and wait to find out what she does.
âI donât even know who you are,â Thanos responds, angered by the woman's threatening glare.
âYou will,â she says before she starts attacking him with her powers. Discreetly killing off a large gathering of Outriders hurtling towards you, you watch Wanda as she comes very close to killing Thanos herself. He calls for the ships to rain fire on everyone and thatâs when you finally make yourself present to her. You jump from your spot and land right beside her and create a force field to protect the both of you. Other members are being protected by the sorcerers and it isnât until Captain Marvel comes flying through that the bullets stop coming down and people are trying to get the gauntlet out of there. You turn towards Wanda and feel her mixed emotions, you wink at her with a smile as you let the barrier go.
âItâs time to be a hero right now, love. We can say hello later,â you tell her before you go back into the fight, the adrenaline rushing through you as your powers have finally activated. Each member does their best to keep the gauntlet out of Thanosâ reach but sadly no one succeeds and he holds the extreme amount of power once again. Carol fights him with as much power as she has to keep him from snapping his fingers but eventually gets tossed aside. You step up next using everything that you have inside of you, using abilities you had no idea you even possessed. But in the end you are tossed onto a metal rod that had been protruding out from the destroyed building. It had stabbed you through your side making it difficult to breathe. As you fight for air you look around to watch Thanos and his army disappear. Tony collapses beside you. âNo,â you cough out weakly. You reach out for him and luckily he was close enough for you to touch his shoulder. âTony,â you gasp as the tears sting your eyes. His eyes follow the sound but you can tell that heâs not actually looking at you.
âMr. Stark, we won. Mr. Stark,â Peter says as he tries to grab Tonyâs attention. Rhodey lands beside his best friend with understanding and sadness in his eyes. Yours tighten shut for a moment as your tears start to fall. You want to wake up from this horrible nightmare but this is reality, a piece of you knew that you couldnât avoid. Then Pepper arrives and pulls the boy in the spider suit away from her husband. You look up and see that he has finally returned somewhat enough to recognize his wife.
She tells him that he can rest now, then she looks over to you so that you know that now is the time to say something so you donât regret it later. With a weak grip on his shoulder you nudge him to return his attention to you. It looks like heâs trying to smile at you but is obviously far too weak to do as such. You offer him the best one that you could muster in your current state. âI love you, dad. Itâs okay, weâll be okay,â your hand lands in his and he gives it the lightest squeeze before it falls limp.
Wanda makes her way over to you and panics at the amount of blood youâve lost but at the moment you donât feel anything. Not even the pain of losing your father. You just feel⌠numb. It dawns on you that your body must be failing but that doesnât scare you. She takes your hand as your loud thoughts of just letting go enter her mind. âNo,â she starts through frustrated teeth. âYou canât leave, Y/N. Please, keep fighting. This canât be our ending. I need you, please donât leave me,â she sounds so broken but equally determined to keep you alive. As you hold her gaze she lets out a broken sob and tenderly whispers, âI love you to infinity.â She continues to beg, depositing small kisses to the back of your hand. As her words sink in, you find the strength that you need to fight off the thoughts of letting go. Then, with your heightened vision, you look around and find every remaining Avenger kneeling out of respect for your father and you have the urge to join them. You struggle to get up from your position, Pepper and Wanda try to stop you from moving but all rational thought has left you.
âIâm not dying right here,â you grumble as you reach behind you and cut the rod. You shift your position and Pepper sprays your wound to close it around the remaining bits of the rod that was still in you so that the bleeding would stop until you could get it properly treated. Then you kneel for your father to show your respect for him in his death that you failed to show while he was alive. You think about how grateful you were for the last five years and how much you appreciated that he never gave up on you. You silently thank him just as the adrenaline leaves your body and it succumbs to the full extent of your injuries causing you to collapse and pass out.
Chapter 5
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the one where yoongi hates his therapist but kind of likes her receptionist; lveb!verse
âş pairing; min yoongi x reader
âş genre; lveb!universe equal parts emotionally constipated and cheeky yoongi!! the man of our dreams!! i donât really know what to categorize this drabble as but itâs cute and itâs sfw <3Â
âş wordcount: 5kÂ
âş summary;Â yoongi hates going to therapy - but you and your dumb little hershey kisses make it a tiny bit better, he supposes.Â
âş what to expect;Â âyou like a man whoâs unable to form emotional bonds with people, baby?â
âş optional reading: not necessary but feel free to read la vie en bonsai just to get a feel for what yoongiâs like and why weâre all falling hopelessly in love with him!!Â
                     ââââ-ăâĄăââââ-ÂŤÂŤ
âsee you next week, yoongi!â
âuh-huh, yep.â the smile on yoongiâs face drops as soon as he shuts the door behind him and he immediately rolls his eyes
well
that was an hour and a half of his life that couldâve gone towards something more productive
watching paint dry probably wouldâve been more productive than whatever the hell that was
dr. i-donât-have-chairs-but-i-have-beanbags basically spent the entire session asking him to list out things that he loved which he thought was going to be an easy task because he liked a lot of things!
and everything was easy peasy lemon squeezy until dr. glittery-purple-nameplate pointed out that yoongi kept saying that he âlikedâ this and he âlikedâ that and heâd never actually said he âlovedâ anything once and then she went into the whole âwhy do you think youâre so scared of love?â thing and his eyes rolled so far back into his skull that he actually saw his pink, wrinkly brain
he knows that sheâs just doing her job but heâd really appreciate if one of his sessions with her just consisted of the two of them sitting in silence while scrolling through their phones
he even asked her one time if itâd be alright if they did that just so he could tell his friend (the one that sent him here) that he willingly sat through an entire session of therapyÂ
obviously she said no and yoongi resisted the urge to use that as an excuse to give her 1/5 stars on google reviews (unfortunately the option to give 0 stars isnât available)Â
itâs just really hard to believe that dr. are-you-more-comfortable-opening-up-to-my-homemade-handpuppet-rory-the-lion has 5/5 shining gold stars on basically every single one of her google reviews
yoongi should be happy that heâs going to one of the best therapists in the city but heâs noT because: he doesnât even need therapy!
he doesnât even know why heâs here!
he shouldnât be in therapy!
heâs min frickin yoongi!!
what the hell does he need a therapist for??
what the hell does he need therapy for?!
he can literally solve his own problems
if heâs sad he just plays video games all day and also eats an entire pint of ice cream Â
if heâs mad he just plays violent video games all day and aggressively shoves an entire pint of ice cream into his mouth
heâs spent his entire life coming up with different coping mechanisms for himself and he thinks that he has a pretty good grip on his emotions
the only one that heâs a little iffy about is obviously <3 love <3 but-
thatâs not a big deal, is it?
yes, technically speaking, heâs âemotionally unavailableâ or whatever, but he really doesnât know why thatâs such an issue
yes, the thought of committing to someone in a long-term relationship and the thought of saying âi love youâ to someone makes him want to rip his skin off but again, he really doesnât know why thatâs such a big iSSUE
besides
emotional unavailability is sexy
whenever he tells someone that heâs incapable of loving and the sex weâre going to have in three seconds will be animalistic and primal and will also mean nothing to me whatsoever their underwear basically flies off their legs and out the window
so, again: what! is! the! big! problem!
the only reason why heâs here is because, as mentioned earlier, one of his friends set up an appointment for him because god knows heâs not here of his own accord
(also, she did it without asking him first, so heâs still a little upset with her, but she made him a whole batch of brownies as a form of an apology so now heâs a little less upset with her. just a little, though.)
he knows she means well and only wants the best for him but heâs starting to think that maybe she sent him here to torture him and not to help him
his original plan was to go for like one or two sessions and then end it there buT thereâs just a teeny little detail he has yet to mentionÂ
there is one (1) thing that keeps him coming back every week
heâd even go as far as to say that this thing is the only thing that motivates him to continue to waste his hard-earned money on these weekly appointments
and that thing is-
âyoongi!â your eyes light up and yoongi canât help but smile at how excited you are to see him even though you literally saw him when he was checking in an hour and a half ago, âhow was your session?â
âit was-â
âoh, wait!â you gasp before pressing a finger up against your lips, âi donât know if iâm legally allowed to ask you that. pretend i didnât said anything.â
âmy session was fine-â yoongi ignores you as he folds his arms up on the counter and leans forward, âiâm still dead on the inside and the concept of love remains ever so terrifying, so⌠yeah! everythingâs pretty much the same.â
âah, yes.â you lean forward as well, âthatâs exactly what every girl wants to hear.â
âoh yeah?â the corner of yoongiâs mouth twitches in a smirk, âyou like a man whoâs unable to form emotional bonds with people, baby?â he asks in a particularly sultry tone and you grin in response
âyou gotta stop calling me that before i fully fall in love with you, yoongi-â you sigh dramatically before flittering your lashes at him and yoongi laughs lightly, âwell, it is what it is. one day at a time, right?â
âbaby steps.â yoongi hums and you nod in agreement before suddenly perking up
âhey- you want a kiss?â
another reason why yoongi enjoys your company is because you keep a little gumball machine on your desk
except you despise gumballs (you told him that on his very first day here when he asked you why there were no gumballs in what was obviously a mini gumball machine) so you filled it up with hersheyâs chocolate kisses instead (you change the flavour of them every week! last week they were the milk chocolate almond ones)
âa kiss? from you?â yoongi digs his hands into his pockets, âat least let me put some chapstick on first, darling.â
âyou know what i mean, yoongi.â you roll your eyes playfully before plopping the machine down in front of him, âtheyâre the cookies and creme ones this week!â
"mhm. whatever helps you sleep at night, y/n.â
                                 âĄ
âsee you next week, yoongi!â
âyou got it, chief.â yoongi forces a smile before promptly shutting the door behind him
he lets out a huff before shaking his hair out of his eyes
somehow the hour and a half in there felt more like four hours and a half
he kept looking at the clock and whenever he thought that at least a good twenty minutes had gone by, itâd turn out that only like two and a half minutes had gone by!
he feels like maybe once the door is shut that time just ceases to exist
today he was forced to talk about all of the romantic relationships heâs ever had and thatâs something that heâs never really discussed with⌠anyone, really.
not even his closest friends!Â
yoongiâs had a multitude of flings but heâs been in three serious-ish relationships (yes, he knows thatâs a huge surprise) - obviously none of them worked out because heâs now in therapy for his intimacy issues, but still
needless to say, they messed him up pretty bad
see, his problem was (and you probably wouldnât be able to guess it after looking at him) the fact that he⌠fell in love too hard and way too fast.
his first one was in high school - he was pretty much ready to marry this girl and even gave her a promise ring to which she freaked out and broke up with him on the spotÂ
(she said she felt that it would be better if they broke up since they were both going off to different universities and long distance relationships were tough)
(on the same day they broke up she immediately changed her facebook status back to single which yoongi thought was a pretty icy thing to do)
his second one was in his first year of university (not very long after the high school breakup because thatâs how desperate he was to fall in love again) and he wasnât super sure if he loved this person or if he just wanted to fill the empty void inside of him bUT after two months of dating yoongi asked them if they wanted to move into the same dorm together for the second semester of first year - they said no.Â
and then they broke up with him.Â
and yoongi ended up with a single-person dorm, which was great!
:D because it meant no one could hear him crying himself to sleep at night worrying that he would never find true love and that no one would ever love him :D
and finally, with his last relationship, he told [unnamed person because yoongi would like to keep that private, thank you very much] that he loved them, like, two weeks after theyâd started properly dating (theyâd known each other for a year before getting together so yoongi didnât think it was that weird. itâs not that weird, right??)
long story short, they didnât say it back, and instead responded with: âoh! thank⌠you?â and that was a pretty devastating (and humiliating) blow for yoongi and it was after that breakup that he decided that things just had to change
he couldnât be this person for the rest of his life!
this pathetic wimpy shrimPY little â<3 i love you <3â weak-ass PUNK
eventually he figured that if he just turned all his emotions off, he wouldnât run into anymore issues
itâs like that saying moâ money moâ problems except in this case it would be less emotions less problems
and he thinks itâs been working out pretty well for him so far!
heâs never gotten attached to any of his one-night stands (although he canât say the same for them, because câmon - heâs an absolute catch)
and he kind of takes pleasure knowing that they want to have something more with him when he doesnât want anything at all
he likes playing with feelings
itâs like dangling a piece of candy over a little baby
itâs fun!
âŚdoes that make him a twisted individual?Â
is he going to go to hell for being a little emotionally manipulative?
also he always finds himself snickering whenever one of his friends started talking about how much they love (gags) their significant others
even the one who sent him here - she just started dating someone in her apartment building - is fully in love with her significant other (he might even go as far to say it was love at first sight for the both of them (double gag)) and sometimes yoongi has to shove a croissant into her mouth just to get her to stop blabbing about how fond she is of her boyfriend
after all this time, yoongi has finally figured out that love is merely a concept
itâs not real!
itâs an idea.Â
love is not real.
so, again - yoongi genuinely doesnât see the issue with being emotionally unavailable.Â
this isnât just him being stubborn or anything - he literally cannot come up with one single reason as to why being emotionally constipated is such a bad thingÂ
real life constipation is pretty bad but emotional constipation is totally fine!Â
emotions make everything that much more difficult and he doesnât have the time nor the energy to deal with it
being emotionally unavailable makes life easy, breezy AND beautiful!
...
of course, there is the one slight issue that sometimes pops into his mind
is he okay with being like this for the rest of his life?
because if he is, heâs⌠literally going to die alone.
sure, his friends will be there (unless they die before him, in which case heâs actually going to be alone), but even yoongi has to admit that platonic companionship and romantic companionship are two entirely different thingsÂ
is he truly incapable of falling in love with someone?Â
he... doesnât like thinking about that
he prefers to keep those gloomy thoughts tucked away in the dusty basement of his brain
heâd much rather think about-
âyoongi!â you greet as enthusiastically as always as yoongi rounds the corner, âhave fun today?â
fun?
in therapy?
thatâs hilarious.
âfun? oh, yeah.â yoongi snorts as he folds his arms up on the countertop, âi even got to talk to rory today.â
the two of you exchange knowing glances and you snort before quickly reaching up to clap a hand over your mouth
hey!Â
youâre supposed to be supportive of roryâs role in therapy!
he has a very important job
one might say that his job of providing emotional support is far more important that yours, you measly little receptionist
you make appointments all day but rory saves livesÂ
âwell, iâm⌠glad that rory is helping you during these trying times.â you clear your throat as you straighten up in your seat
if you get caught making fun of rory youâre dead meat
âmhm.â yoongi nods before leaning over a little, ânow gimme a kiss, babe.â
your heart skips a beat in your chest and you canât help but grin when yoongi turns his head and points to his cheek, âwell?â
âmilk chocolate caramel this week, babe.â you hum as you place the little gumball machine in front of him
âooh, yummy-â yoongiâs eyes widen in excitement as he cranks the metal knob, âso, you got any plans tonight?â
a single kiss plops out and he opens up the little metal flap to take it out
âeh, i mean i guess i do?â you shift in your seat before shrugging, âsort of.â
yoongi raises a brow as he unwraps the tin foil, âwhatâs that supposed to mean? you got a hot date or something?â
â...yep!â
wait what
yoongi pauses right as heâs about to pop the chocolate into his mouth
because he was⌠just kidding about that
that was supposed to be a joke
âoh!â yoongi clears his throat, âwell, who- who are you⌠who are you going out with? tell me about them.â
âoh, you donât wanna-â you shake your head, âthe details are boring, i promise itâs nothing to geek out over-â
âno, câmon! tell me.â yoongi shoves the wrapping into his mouth as the chocolate melts over his tongue, âgive me the deets.â
âalright, wellâŚâ you reach up to push your glasses up, âi actually met him at the club that he works at! heâs a bartender. weâve gone out on a couple of dates and heâs really nice! heâs super nice, i just- i donât know. i guess i just- thereâs not much of a spark, you know? heâs taken me out four times and he kissed me on the last one and it was nice but⌠i donât know. iâm not sure i even know where iâm going with this story- b-but heâs nice!â
yoongi nods slowly as he pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek
ah
well
good for you!
whatever
youâre going on a date and itâs whatever
itâs not like he cares
because if he cared it would imply that he has feelings for you
and in case it wasnât already clear, yoongi is incapable of having any feelings at all because thatâs just who he is
heâs spent years building his status as an emotionless android and heâs not going to let a stinky girl like you ruin it (you are not stinky. you smell like pears and itâs very pleasing to his nostrils. and he hates that he spent thirty minutes at the drugstore sniffing multiple shampoos until he found the one that heâs pretty sure is the one you use. and now his pillows smell like you.)Â
ânice, niceâŚâ yoongi mutters under his breath, âanyways, i should, um, probably go! iâm like, two minutes away from getting a parking ticket-â he laughs nervously before reaching up to scratch the back of his head
âoh! okay, yeah-â you take the gumball machine down and set it back down next to your monitor, âare you- is everything okay?â
yoongiâs no longer looking at you and youâre usually the first one to break eye contact so this is⌠odd Â
âyeah, i just- i remembered i had a thing, so-â yoongi coughs into his fist, âyeah, i gotta go.â
âshould i- should i put you down for next week, or-â you get up from your seat quickly when yoongi basically sprints towards the elevators
âyeah!â he flicks his wrist at you, âum, yeah- go for it. iâm just gonna-â
ding!
the elevator doors slide open and yoongi rushes in at the speed of light
âs-same time, or-â
the door glide shut before you get a chance to finish asking your question and you canât help but feel a little⌠rejected?
even though youâre not entirely sure what it is youâre being rejected by
that was weird
that was weird, right?
itâs not just your imagination?
you frown to yourself as you plop back down on your squeaky chair
maybe your chocolates tasted funky or something?
you unwrap one for yourself before popping it into your mouth
âŚ
no, the chocolates are fine!
what went wrong?
you chew on the inside of your cheek anxiously as you quickly go through what just happened
everything was fine
everything was normal up until the point you said you were going out on a dateâŚ
oOh, maybe you shouldnât have brought up dates or anything like that
you donât know too much about yoongiâs sessions besides the fact that he has intimacy issues but maybe the subject of dating was triggering for him?
damnit
you idiot!
this is why you could never be a therapist because youâd probably end up traumatizing your patients instead of helping themÂ
you shouldâve just told yoongi that your plans tonight involved NO dating and it was just going to be you going to town on a pizza at home
itâs too bad
you were kind of hoping the reason why he started acting so weirdly was because he didnât want you to go out on a date
hereâs the thing:Â
you⌠you sort of⌠have a little crush on yoongi. at least, you think you do.
you canât help it!
heâs surprisingly very sweet and he has that boyish charm that youâre really into anD heâs also super goofy AND hello!!!! even when youâre not wearing your glasses you can see that heâs really attractive!!!
sometimes you find yourself daydreaming about that smirk of hisÂ
it just makes you feel tinglyÂ
...
what were you talking about again?
oh
right!Â
youâre pretty sure the two of you use the same shampoo and you donât want to be that person but...Â
match made in heaven?Â
youâd like to think so.Â
you just donât want to ruin this super fun and bantery and also kind of flirty relationship you have with him (though, now that youâre thinking about it, you canât help but wonder if itâs actual flirting or if yoongiâs just doing his thing) and you knoW heâs definitely going to freak out if youâre suddenly like hey,.,. do u,.,. maybe wanna go out on a date or something.,,. because i think i have a teeny crush on you because even though youâre dead on the inside you are OBSCENELY charming and witty and attractive and everything i want in a significant other,.,.
yoongi would run for the hills if he ever found out you felt that way about him!
âgood going, y/n.â you grumble to yourself as you lean back against your chair
well
you can worry about your yoongi-related issues later
you have a date with a cute bartender to get to
a cute, very nice bartender
                                 âĄ
yoongiâs jealous.
at least, he thinks heâs jealous
this is weird, right?
because yoongi doesnât get jealous!
he doesnât get jealous over anything so whY does he not like the idea of you going out with someone who isnât him?
yoongi squeezes his fingers tighter around his steering wheel as he stares ahead with knitted brows
he left the office like half an hour ago and now heâs just been sitting in his car in silence
and before you ask, yes, there was a parking ticket tucked behind his windshield wiper when he came down here
âjealous, jealousâŚâ yoongi mutters to himself before shaking his head and letting out a huff, âno. iâm not jealous. iâm not!â
heâs not jealous because he doesnât like you!
he doesnât!
he likes flirting with you, it doesnât mean that he likes you
of course, if he didnât like you⌠he wouldnât be grinning like an idiot every time you greet him
if he didnât like you, he wouldâve called you out on your lame âyou want a kiss?â joke a long, lonG time ago - instead he just lets you keep saying it because he knows you like making the same joke over and over again
if he didnât like you, he wouldnât be coming back to therapy every week, for crying out loud
if he didnât like you, he wouldnât have bought pear-scented shampoo for himself
he should be buying manly shampoos!
like⌠winter breeze!
or⌠musky oak??
or diRTy monster truck??!? (heâs not sure if thatâs an actual shampoo scent for men, but he wouldnât be surprised if it was)
you know, those kinds of scents!
not frickin pear
yoongi pauses when he realises that he actually doesnât mind the thought of waking up next to you
he feels his heart skip a beat and he gasps in surprise before quickly slapping his hand up against his chest
oh god
itâs happening!
ââŚson of a bitch!â yoongi groans as he slams his head back against the headrest, âare you kidding me?!â
heâs feeling!
NO!!!!
that, or heâs having a heart attack
(heâd rather have the heart attack.)
yoongi turns his head right as you exit the building and he doesnât know where these emotions are coming from but all of a sudden heâs being flooded with what can only be describe asâŚ
pure, blinding rage
âwhat the hell did you put in those damn chocolates?!â yoongi slams the car door behind him and you practically leap ten feet into the air
âi have no money in my wallet i only have a starbucks gift card and it has like three dollars left on- oh.â you immediately relax when you realize that youâre not about to be robbed
itâs just yoongiÂ
your eyes widen in slight fear when you see him storm his way over to you with his fists clenched at his sides looking like he wants to skin you alive
âyou are unbelievable.â
âme??â you shake your head in confusion, âyoongi, what are you-â you pause to glance down at your watch, âwhy are you still here? you left, like, forty minutes ago-â
âanswer the question, y/n!â yoongi crosses his arms, âyou did something to those chocolates! thatâs the only reason why iâm feeling like this-â
âwhat- i donât- is it your stomach or something?? maybe youâre lactose intolerant-â
ânO, i donât mean i physically feel something-â yoongi looks around before leaning in, âiâm feeling something.â
you frown
âyoongi, the chocolates arenât special chocolates, if thatâs what youâre implying. there are kids that come to the office, i canât go around giving out marijuana infused hershey kisses-â
âi donât want you to go out with your nice bartender guy!â yoongi blurts out, âbecause i⌠i want you to go out with me instead.â
you pull back in surprise before tilting your head curiously
âŚwhat?
âwhat do you- what are- what?â you ask incredulously before narrowing your eyes at him
did he just... ask you out?
yoongi swallows nervously
his pure rage has now been replaced by pure anxiety
âiâm saying that i-â yoongi shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans, âiâm- i wanna be the one to take you out. o-on a date. or whatever theyâre called.â
âyou wanna take me out on a date?â you ask dumbly and yoongi rolls his eyes
âa.. i mean i guess itâs technically a da..ate...â yoongiâs mouth goes dry and you can see the panic quickly filling his pretty brown eyesÂ
âwe donât- we donât have to call it a date!â you perk up, âwe can just... we can call it a... flirty hangout!âÂ
âa flirty hangout?â
âa flangout.â
âa flangout.â
yoongi takes a second to think it over
a flangout
yeah!
he can do a flangout because a flangout is noT a dateÂ
âiâm sorry, i just-â you wave a hand in front of yourself, âi thought your whole schtick was that you didnât believe in dates- flangouts- and ooey-gooey holding hands related situations, so why would you wanna-â
âbecause i like you!â yoongi groans before looking away from you and running a hand through his hair, âi think? i donât know, okay? i know that iâm definitely attracted to- i just- you make me- i like talking to you after my sessions are over, and i like that you keep a gumball machine on your desk even though it still doesnât make sense to me that youâve filled it with kisses and not with actual gumballs, and i like that even though you know i, professionally speaking, have very intense intimacy issues, i-i like that you donât judge me for it...â he trails off before letting out a breath and turning back to face you, âyou can say no, obviously, but⌠i just think youâre really pretty and i think you know exactly what youâre doing whenever you ask me if i want a kiss.â Â
you blink owlishly at yoongi and he immediately feels like heâs about to projectile vomit everywhere
see??
this is exactly what he means when he says that feelings make literally everything ten times more complicated
he just told you that he likes you and now he just made things awkward!
which means noW he has to go find a new therapist-
wait, no
nope! heâs not going to find another therapist - heâs just going to noT go to therapy
why?
because min frickinâ yoongi doesnât need therapy-
âi do.â yoongi looks at you with wide eyes when you suddenly speak up
you do
did⌠did he PROPOSE to you?!
great!!
of course he did!!
his feelings are back and theyâre even worse than before-
âi do know exactly what iâm doing whenever i ask you if you wanna kiss-â you hold up a finger to correct yourself, âif you want a kiss.â
âiâm happy with either one of those options-â
âthere is one minor issue, though.â you turn your phone around to show yoongi, âwhat am i supposed to tell sweet tae?â
âwho the hell is tae- ohhhh, bartender guy.â yoongi winces as he glances at your texts briefly, âi forgot about him.â
ânice bartender guy!!â you push your bottom lip out in a pout as you scroll through your texts with taehyung
:-(
his last message to you was âexcited for tonight!! see you soon :-)â
:-(((((((
âdo you⌠do you genuinely like him?â yoongi asks cautiously
âi mean, i- i donât noT like him, you know?â you sigh and reach up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, âitâs just that⌠heâs so nice-â
âokay, i think weâve got that part covered-â
âi donât wanna break his heart!!â you whine, âwhat do i do?!â
âalright, hereâs what youâre going to do-â yoongi clears his throat, âyou go out with him tonight-â
âbut i donât want to lead him o-âÂ
âyou go out with nice bartender tae tonight to tell him that itâs over. and you tell him that youâve really enjoying spending time with him, but you feel like the two of you would be better off as friends. itâs simple, itâs clean, itâs straight to the point! no harm, no foul.â yoongi dusts his hands off before smiling proudly, âand then iâll take you to the mcdonalds drive-thru for dessert.â
âi mean, i guess soâŚâ you purse your lips in thought, âshould i, like⌠if he kisses me or something, should i kiss him back?â
âyouâre going to pity-kiss him?â yoongi gasps dramatically before tutting at you, âwow. and iâm the one in therapy.â
âwha-â
ânow, câmon-â yoongi places his hand on the small of your back as he leads you towards his car, âlet me drive you to your gross date so that we can go on our cool flangout afterwards-â
âyou know, theyâre doing a limited edition chips ahoy mcflurry right now-â you grin excitedly as yoongi opens the door for you, âyou wanna split one with me?â
âsplit one?â yoongi scoffs and bends down a little so he can look you directly in the eye, the corner of his mouth curling upwards in a teasing smirk, âbaby, iâll get you your very own mcflurry-â
(it turns out that taehyung actually planned to end things tonight, too - he said if you ever made your way back to his bar heâd give you a cocktail on the house! so, it looks like you can have your cake and eat it too.)Â
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Youâre Worth It (Bucky Barnes)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: You are the resident therapist for the Avengers and Steve asks you for a favor. He wants you to have a therapy session with Bucky. Then you find out that Bucky wasnât exactly aware of this plan.
Warnings: some cursing, Buckyâs angsty past, a couple small sexual innuendo. Also like a ton of angst but I promise that it does get better lol.
A/N: This is my first fanfic on here. I posted some Harry Potter ones before this, but I reread them and thought I could do better. So, here we are! Thank you for reading and if you want this to turn into more parts, I can totally do that. <3
You had been in your office preparing for your next patient when Steve walked in.
âHey, Dr. Y/L/N, can I ask you for a favor?â He asked, putting his hands in a praying motion.
âYeah, absolutely! I do have a patient soon, though.â You replied. You were glad to help, Steve is a great patient and has been improving impressively. So well, in fact, you didnât know if he would even need to see you much longer.
âDo you know Bucky Barnes? Heâs an old pal of mine. He has been against going to therapy for a long time, but youâve helped me so much and Bucky needs some help too I think. Plus, he saw you around the tower and thought you were cute.â Steve says.
You blushed at that last part, silently wishing you didnât. You had a rule against dating any patient or anyone in the tower, since it would just be awkward when you inevitably break up. Every relationship youâve ever been in hasnât lasted long, considering youâve never been able to find someone you truly liked.
âYeah, of course I know Bucky. You donât shut up about him during your therapy sessions and Iâve seen him sulking around the tower myself. I would love to help him, but like I said, I have another patient soon. I will only have therapy with him if itâs his choice though. And I think heâs absolutely gorgeous but I have a rule against dating anyone who lives or works in the Tower.â You explained.
You looked at the time, Tony Stark, your next patient, would be here any minute. You were the sole therapist for Avengers Tower. There maybe should have been another one, but Tony had one session with you and said that you were the best heâs ever had and no one would ever dare be a therapist and step into his tower again. He even gave you the title of âChief of Mental Healthâ despite being literally the only person in that department.
Steve must have noticed you checking your watch, because he said ,âOh, and I bribed Tony to change his appointment and give it to Bucky, so you kind of have no choice.âÂ
You looked up, âWhat? Who knew that Mr. Captain America himself was a cunning little bitch.â You joked, shaking your head. You and Steve, hell, you and everyone in the tower had that kind of relationship. And, he knew you swore like a sailor, so he even ignored it sometimes.
At that moment, Bucky walked in. He looked so handsome with his shoulder-length hair and baby blue eyes. He even looked a little nervous. Well, thatâs not surprising, you thought. Everyone, even you, was a tad nervous on the first session.
Steve put up one finger and said, âLet me talk to Buck alone for one moment.â You nodded and he walked Bucky out to the hallway and shut your door. You heard whispers being exchanged and was a little confused but whatever, you thought. You were sure heâs just giving Bucky encouragement.Â
You went over and sat down on your grey seat and picked up your chamomile tea. That was probably your favorite part of being a therapist, getting to sit down in comfy chairs all day with your tea. Besides helping people of course.
The door opened once again, with Bucky and Steve reappearing. âThanks for doing this again, Dr. Y/L/N! Bucky will love you.â Steve said, patting Bucky on the back. You smiled and he exited, leaving only a nervous-looking Bucky standing there.
âWhy donât you come over and sit on the comfortable couch across from me, Bucky?â You motion, pointing over to the couch across from your current chair. He nods and goes to the couch. Well, at least he looks a bit more comfortable, you think to yourself.
âSo, what do you want to talk about? Anything is on the table.â You say. Youâve found that not going straight to the tough topics help patients build their trust with you more.
âWell, doll, how about you tell me about yourself first.â He says, getting a bit more confident now. Doll? Thatâs an odd name to call your therapist. But whatever, youâre sure they used it a lot in the old days. Letting it slide, you try to answer his question.
âWell, I was born and raised here in New York City. I got my PhD. in psychology from NYU and I have an apartment in Brooklyn. I got this job after only one session with Tony Stark and now I am the therapist for the Avengers.â Sure, it was a lot of work, but you absolutely loved your job. Helping the heroes who risk their life to save yours and everyone elseâs was the least you could do, you thought.
Bucky nodded and said, âIâm from Brooklyn. Looks much different now than it did when I lived there though. A PhD.? Damn doll, you must be super smart.â
You smiled at his compliment. âThank you. It wasnât easy, but it was definitely worth all the late nights studying.â
âSo, anything else you want to know about me before we get started?â You asked, getting your notebook to prepare to write notes about Bucky and how to best help him.Â
âGet started? Damn, doll. I was thinking we could grab a coffee before we âget started.â But itâs good with me, I guess the girls roll a little different in this time than the 40â˛s.â Bucky says, chuckling to himself.
You were in the middle of getting to the correct page in the notebook but paused when you heard what he said. What did he think you meant when you said âget startedâ? It sounded very different from your meaning. And getting coffee? It almost sounded like he thought this was a date? You shook your head at that thought. No way could he possibly be that confused. And Steve said he thought you were cute, but you seriously doubted that the Bucky Barnes would even consider going on a date with you. So no, it definitely couldnât be that. But whatever he thought this was, there was obviously a miscommunication that you had to clear up.
âUh, Bucky? I think you must be confused. Steve told me that he convinced you to have a therapy session with me this afternoon. What did you think this was?â You ask, a little scared of the answer.Â
At hearing this, Bucky seemed very confused. âWhat do you mean, Steve told me that we were meeting here before going out on our date?â
Now itâs your turn to be confused. What does he mean by âour dateâ?Â
âUh, Steve never said to me that we were going on a date. He told me that he convinced you to have a therapy session with me...â You said, shaking your head in confusion. This made no sense, what was going on?
Apparently that was the conclusion Bucky just got to as well,  because he looked up, a little embarrassed and said, âIâm so sorry. Steve told me that you wanted to go on a date with me and that we were going to meet in your office before going out. I never would have agreed to this if I knew what he was really doing. Iâm just going to leave, Iâm so sorry for wasting your time.â Bucky raced his hand through his long hair and stood up, walking to the door.
At first, you were a little stunned. The Steve you knew, the world knew, would never pull a trick on anyone, especially his best friend. You knew him enough through your sessions to know that he would only do this if he absolutely had to. Which means he must be desperate for his friend to get the mental help he needed. Also, Bucky was just so damn cute and you have had the biggest crush on him ever since you went to the Captain America exhibit in the local museum for a school trip. You always saw him in the pictures with Steve, his heart-stopping smile still doing wonders on you despite the worn black and white photo.
So, you jumped up right when his hand touched the door handle to leave and probably never see you again. âW-Wait!â You said, hating your stutter but just cringed and kept going when you saw him turn around curiously. âWhile youâre here you might as well just talk to me. If you hate it, you never have to see me again and can just ignore me in the halls. But, if this session does help you, maybe we can schedule a bit more and see where it goes. I really think I can help you, Bucky.â After you finish your awkward speech, you just smiled and waited for his definite and irreversible no. Well, at least you got the chance to help him, you thought.Â
He just sighed and shrugged saying, âWell, Iâm already here I guess. But are you sure this could end at any time and that you even want to help me after my dumb friend tricked me into embarrassing myself?âÂ
You smiled and that last part and smiled, just grateful for the opportunity to help someone so burdened and has done so much for the world.Â
Bucky walked back over the his chair and said, âSo, Doc, how do we start this?â
You grabbed your notebook again and turned to the right page again. âThis is your session, it can start with however you want. But it might help to start from the beginning. How did you feel when you got drafted into a World War when you were only 18?â
He looked deep in thought and said, âWow, no one ever asked me that.â He sighed before adding, âOf course it was my duty to fight and all that, but I was angry at the world for forcing kids who just barely turned adults to fight their wars for them. I knew it was going to be an adventure, but honestly I was scared shitless, doll.â
You nod, your empathy for him skyrocketing even though you guys just started.
And thatâs how your bi-weekly sessions with Bucky would usually go. You guys talked about a whole manner of things, like his past in the 1940â˛s, his brainwashing with HYDRA, Steve saving him, and his nightmares from everything included. You two were closer than you normally let yourself get to patients. You didnât know if it was because of everything he had gone through, or maybe even that you finally got to talk and help the Avenger who needed you most, but you honestly didnât care. Your sessions with him really seemed to help him and now he hasnât had a nightmare in over 2 months. Bucky seemed a lot happier and waved and talked to you in the halls. Steve even said that he hasnât seen Bucky like this since the 40â˛s. You thought that with all things considered, he had a ton of improvement. You two had only been meeting for about 6 months and his progress was truly great;
You tried to forget that in your first meeting he thought you were going on a date and even apparently called you pretty. You knew that nothing romantic should ever come out of your patient and therapist relationship since it was obviously wrong. Every therapist knew that under no circumstances should you date your patient. It would always hurt the patientâs mental health even more and that was the opposite of your job. You suppose it could technically happen if you stopped being his personal therapist but it wouldnât be worth it. All of his hard work would have been for nothing.Â
But you couldnât help but think what if? What if it ended up working out? What if he got another therapist and you could date him? What if he was the one? But no, you were getting ahead of yourself, you thought. Bucky was great and handsome and so, so perfect. He was honestly everything you wanted in a partner. And still, you couldnât take the leap. If it didnât work out and you were possibly the reason his mental health got worse you could never forgive yourself. So every appointment with him you just smiled and tried to ignore that pressing need, even though you were beating yourself up for either being a coward or for being so selfish that you wanted to take that chance.
One day you were in the middle of researching new ways to help a clientâs recent mental health issue and trying to (and failing) ignore a certain issue when Bucky walked in with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a nervous look on his face. You stood up, very confused but nonetheless making yourself known.Â
âUh, Y/N? Could I maybe talk to you for a minute?â He asked. Youâve never seen him dressed so well. Normally he just wore either workout clothes or sweatpants. You two even often joked together that he owned no normal clothes.Â
âYeah of course. Iâm sorry I didnât know we had a session today.â You said, cursing yourself for making such a mistake. Usually you were pretty good with schedules, even though working with the entire compound was a bit much to remember.Â
âOh, we donât. I just wanted to ask you a question.â Bucky said, biting his lip. A nervous tick that you soon discovered in one of your early sessions together.
âSure, ask away.â You replied. You were getting a little worried. Surely he didnât want to end your appointments together, right? Did you do something wrong?
âFirst of all, these are for you.â He said nervously as he handed you the flowers. You smiled, surprised that he remembered you telling him your that your favorite was y/f/f while complaining that the local florist didnât have them during one of your bi-weekly meetings. âThank you, these are absolutely beautiful. I love them.â You smiled and walked over to a window ledge with a vase on it and put them in, admiring how they looked in the sunlight.
When you were finished admiring them you walked back over to Bucky. âThank you again, they really are beautiful. I donât even remember the last time someone was so nice and got flowers for me.â You said and hugged him. You knew he wasnât that great with personal touch but surprised you when he hugged you back pretty quickly. For a moment you just focused on being in his arms but then soon thought of how inappropriate it would look to an outsider and reluctantly pulled away.Â
âSo, what did you want to ask? Is everything okay?â You ask, quickly remembering that something could be wrong with him.
âYeah, of course everything is fine. You truly are a great therapist, Y/N. Youâve got a gift.â Bucky said. You blushed at his words and hated that your color would give away your inappropriate feelings possibly. His words did calm you down though. But if it wasnât about therapy, then what else could it be about?
Feeling your blush go down finally, you nodded and urged him to go on, now too curious to wait it felt like.
He sighed and nervously ran his hand through his hair. âYou have to promise me that if this goes wrong, our relationship wonât be ruined. Itâs too important for me to ruin by being an idiot.â You immediately promised. Normally you would be cautious about such a thing but you have never trusted anyone this quickly and this much with Bucky.
After he saw your quick agreement, he went on. âSo, these past couple weeks, well since weâve started meeting actually, I was interested in you. I was never going to act on it in a million years but youâve helped me so much and I think we could really be great together. And Steve might have noticed me staring at you and telling me I should do something about it.â He chuckled. âSo, want to go on a real date? I would go the whole 9 yards, nice restaurant and everything. But I donât want to pressure you into anything you donât want to do and know that our relationship isnât necessarily the easiest to become romantic. I just think you're worth it, doll. You're worth all of it.â He stopped and bit his lip again, waiting for your response.
Your heart soared when you heard his speech. No one had every made you feel this way. You were about to say yes, so close in fact, but then you remembered the real truth. You are his therapist, his doctor, his advocate. That was special and meant something to you. You knew he wanted this but it was your responsibility to make the hard choice, to do what you honestly hated to do but thought was right.
âNo, Buck. Iâm sorry but I canât. I just think it could ruin all your hard work and thatâs the last thing that I want to do. It just shouldnât be risked.â You said. Telling him that felt like vomit was coming up and you felt even worse when you saw him look dejected and lose his smile so quickly because of you.
You moved your arm to touch his and try to support him the best you could within your boundaries but he saw you trying to do it and moved before you could touch him. And that really hurt.Â
You opened your mouth to try and say that you wanted to say yes, that it wasnât him and just your job but he put up his hand to stop you and said,âNo, I shouldn't have asked, Iâm sorry.â before walking out.
After the door shut you just closed your mouth in surprise of how this could all go so wrong before falling on the ground and just sobbing. You were hyperventilating soon and snot was going everywhere but you just didnât care. You were the therapist, the one who knew all the mental health tips and tricks but you were too broken to think logically and it felt good to just let yourself cry.
This stayed the same for two straight weeks. Bucky rescheduled every meeting and put himself into more missions, especially the more dangerous ones. You would cry yourself to sleep nearly every night and by the morning, your eyes were really puffy and swollen from the night before. Everyone in the tower knew something was going wrong and you could feel their stares of sympathy and worry. You felt terrible but what felt even worse was that you werenât even speaking with Bucky anymore. And as bad as you felt, you couldnât help but be even more worried for him. You were prepared to just wallow in your own self-pity and cry for the nth time when Steve knocked on the door and walked in when you were in your office, just drinking chamomile tea and looking at the flowers Bucky got you.
âHey Doc, howâs it going?â He asked, sitting down and looking worried. You just looked up at him and decided to finally cut the shit and get right to what you were worried about. âSteve, howâs Bucky? And tell me the truth, Iâll find out eventually.â Steve sighed and said, âHonestly heâs not doing great. He looks like crap and is throws himself into missions. Bucky also keeps taking stupid risks that could leave him wounded or even worse. Weâve all spoken with him and he just ignores it. I think the only thing that would really fix him is talking with you. heâs never been like this before, I just donât know what to do.â
You knew that he would probably tell you the last part, that he feels out of control. Control issues was what you most talked about with Steve during your sessions. Not that you could blame him, you would definitely have them too after everything he has gone through. But that could be discussed in your future sessions with him. Right now, you just wished everything was back to normal.
You nodded sadly, even more worried for him now. But Steve talking to you changed something. You needed to talk to Bucky. And right now. Your fear of rejection was high and you knew there was a fairly high chance that he was too hurt to trust you and that he would probably say no but you didnât care. Even if he rejected you, you didnât care. As long as he would be better and your relationship went back to normal, you could live with it. Even if it would take a long time to get better after this, he would be worth it.
So you just looked up, your mind set on what you had to do. âWhere is he? I need to find him right now.â
Steve looked up surprised and said, âUh, in his room I think. He just signed up for another hard mission and we asked him not to but he insisted. Heâs probably getting ready since he will have to leave soon.â
After hearing this, you jumped up frantically while yelling âThank you so much Steve!â as you ran out, not even caring to stop the door from slamming.Â
Now, even though you worked in a tower full of superheroes, you were only the therapist and still havenât ran in a while. So you ran and ignored all the stares of the workers and Avengers. When you finally got there, you were out of breath and breathing hard. But still, you worked through your mini heart attack and knock on the door, still frantic.
You heard some rustling behind the door and a few mumbled curse words when he began saying loudly, âSteve, Iâm fine. Iâm going on that mission whether you think I should or no-â Bucky opened the door and once he saw you, a probably sweaty, red, and gross you, finished with a confused â-not?â
You put up one finger to signal for him to give you a moment to catch your breath. After that, you joked, âGuess I need to workout more.â
âNo, I think you look great. Uh, n-not that my opinion matters or anything. If you think you need to work out then thatâs what you should do.â He said, nervously stuttering but nodding at his final sentence like by catching it he saved himself from saying something wrong.
He cleared his throat before continuing. âSo, how can I help you? I do have to leave on a mission soon though.â
It broke your heart how formally he was speaking, almost like you were complete strangers.
Maybe you should go, you thought. But no, you had to. Bucky was worth the embarrassment you could possibly face, whether you two were going to date or not. Forcing yourself to remember that, you steeled yourself and said, âIâm sorry Bucky, about everything I said. That date sounded amazing, it really did. I wanted to go and I still do. I was just worried about how inappropriate it would be for a therapist to date their patient. I didnât want your mental health to backtrack and I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing. But I miss you, Buck. I miss you terribly. And you're worth all of the risks to me, you outweigh them all. So please donât go on that mission, let someone else take the dumb risks. From what Iâve heard you have taken enough for a while. Please, just stay with me and we can talk?â You looked up at him pleadingly and saw him pull out his phone before shutting the door in your face.
That shut door hurt you, but you were prepared for it and sighed. It was too good to be true, you guessed. The fairytale ending, the white picket fence, the handsome husband. You turned around, prepared to walk away with the  thought of going back to your apartment and drowning your sorrows in chamomile tea and tissues when you heard the door open behind you and felt a hand grab yours to turn you around.
And there was Bucky, smiling like an absolute idiot. And at first you thought that he was making fun of you, but even then you still thought he looked handsome with that smile. âSamâs in. Heâll take the mission for me.â He said.
âWhat?â was all you could muster. You had no idea what he was talking about it sounded almost like... Thatâs when you heard Sam on speaker phone, âYep, thatâs right sweetheart. Iâm gonna do the dumb mission. Kiss Bucky real good for me, sucks I canât be there to do it myself.â Then you heard Sam make a bunch of kissy noises and thatâs when Bucky said, âEnough of him.â And ended the call. Then he grabbed your hand once more and shut the door behind you. He backed you against his door with him so close to you that your chest was touching his.Â
You were still in shock of your luck when Bucky leaned in and kissed you. You were a little shocked but soon kissed him back, and hard. It was like you were underwater and he was the oxygen. The kiss soon turned rougher and you did not mind at all.
A couple hours later you were both laying on the bed, snuggling and watching a dumb movie that both of you werenât even paying attention to. You were both just too wrapped up in each otherâs presence. âHey, I think you got some of that exercise you mentioned needing. Maybe we could even do some more if you want.â Bucky said, looking down at you and laughing.Â
You hit him lightly but couldnât help from laughing hard as well. Only hours ago you thought that you wouldnât get anything with Bucky. No happy ending, white picket fence, and with Bucky, the whole package. But no, you got much more than that. So much more.
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A Favor: Part Twelve
Nessian Modern AU
Masterlist
a/n: this took so long bc ive been reading chain of iron and in general agonizing over things i cant control instead of being productive 𼴠that being said, absolutely none of the events in this chapter were planned in my outline, but here we are with something new!
***
December brings more snow and bone chilling weather, to the point where Cassian has to drag Nesta out of bed, either physically or by phone call, to get her to therapy appointments on time.Â
Sheâs in the waiting room one freezing morning when, in her utter boredom, she musters up the nerve to turn to the girl sitting next to her. âWhat are you in here for?â
The girl blinks her large blue eyes, taking notice of Nesta for the first time. Nesta uses the opportunity to take in her freckle-painted face, a little wan but beautiful. Reddish brown hair hangs around her face and shoulders, creating a thick curtain from the rest of the world, and Nestaâs curiosity piques like sheâs just found a shiny new toy.
It probably isnât right to compare people to toys, but then the girl says, âThis isnât prison, you know.â Her voice is deep, almost sultryâ completely at odds from her huddled-in posture and sickened expression. âI didnât commit a crime to have to be here.â
Is she insulted by Nestaâs question, or is she poking a joke? Nesta decides to play it safe by murmuring, âSorry, never mind.â
She starts to turn away when the girl says, âWeâre trying a new type of trauma therapy today. I had to get here half an hour early because I couldnât swallow my nerves.â
Nesta might lack many social skills, but she isnât stupid enough to ask what kind of trauma the girl is being treated for. Instead, she nods casually as if she understands the struggle. âIâve been coming here for weeks now and Iâve barely discussed shit. Thatâs mostly on me, but you knowâŚâ She actually doesnât know where sheâs going with her train of thought. âIt sounds brave to do whatever you're doing,â she states finally. âI donât think Iâll be able to open up that much about myself, ever.âÂ
The girl gives Nesta a weird look that she immediately recognizes. Nesta uses it every time she doesnât know how to respond to someone who takes her by surprise.
The door to Lanaâs office clicks open, and the woman herself pokes her head out with a plain smile. âReady, Nesta?â
Nesta bites down on her frown. She has a feeling today wonât be as easy as her past sessions.
Sheâs about to leave without another glance at the girl beside her when that low voice speaks up. âIâm Gwyn.â
Nesta looks back at her as she gets up from her chair, and says the first reply that comes to mind: âGood to know.â
***
Nesta is contemplative hours after she gets back from her therapy session, bundled up in her bed with a coloring book. The repetitive motion of filling in the mandala drawing lets her mind wander, picking up and dropping different thoughts like sheâs inspecting stones.Â
She keeps her wrist light as she colors in with red. She finally said Tomasâs name in therapy today, though the action left a slimy feeling in Nestaâs stomach that lingers even now. She also spoke about her sisters, which somehow ended up leading to a discussion of her uterus.Â
âHow have you been dealing with the endometriosis news?â
Nesta shrugged. âIâm getting treated, and my last period was more bearable than usualââ
âI mean mentally, how are you doing? With how your condition could affect your future?â
Nesta narrowed her eyes. âAffect me how?â
âHave you never considered the impact it could have on your ability to bear children?â
âNot everything in life is about bearing children, you know.â
âWeâre humans. Itâs definitely something to consider.â
âNot for me. Iâve never wanted kids.â A mistruth at best. âI donât care what endo does or doesnât do to me on those grounds.â
In a way, Nesta told herself, the health risks were actually for the best. If she ever did, by some stupid loss of sanity, try to have children, then her body would act as a safety net from her decisions.
Lana only said, âYouâll never know how much you care or donât care until you talk out your feelings.â
âThen I guess weâll never know.â
Nesta lets the memory of that conversation drop like a stone on a shore. Thatâs not something she has to face for a good long while. No, right now she has to face her past.Â
Her sisters, and her ex, and even her fatherâÂ
I wonder if I came off too strong with Gwyn today.Â
Her hand stops drawing, and she switches out her red marker for an orange one. This thought she doesnât mind inspecting for a little longer: she and Gwyn ended up leaving their sessions at the same time, which meant they were forced into stilted conversation on the way down to the parking lot.Â
Not forced, Nesta self-corrects. She willingly initiated a conversation, and it didnât go terribly. She wonders if making friends in therapy waiting rooms is a real thing.
Her phone vibrates beside her, breaking her hours-long mental bubble. Blinking dazedly, she answers the phone call.
âHow are you?â is the first thing Cassian says to her. He makes sure to ask her that at least twice a day, like a gauging of her temperature. It makes Nesta wonder what sheâs ever done in her life to call for such⌠attention to her well-being.Â
âIâm good,â she answers honestly. âMy headâs a little loud right now, but I donât mind it.â
âWanna talk about it?â
âNo, Iâd rather hear you talk.â She slumps back against her pillows, coloring book forgotten. âWhatâs up?â
âAh...â Cassian sounds hesitant for the first time since their relationship started. âItâs just that I havenât gotten my Christmas decorations up yet, and I was going to ask if you wanted to help.â
Nesta takes a moment to absorb his words. âItâs December fifth,â she says.
âYeah?â
âYou just seem like somebody who does their decorations the day after Thanksgiving.â
âWell, this year is a little different, with you moving out and being busy with schoolâŚâ He pauses. âI was waiting to do it with you.â
When she doesnât reply, Cassian adds, âI donât even know if you care about Christmas. I know you and your family sort of ignored holidays. Itâs fine if you donât want toââ
âIâll be over right now,â Nesta blurts.Â
Half an hour later, Cassian swings open his door with a smug grin on his face; a vast difference from the stammering hesitance he displayed over the phone earlier. Nestaâs own lips want to pull up into a smile just at the sight of him, but she holds back and narrows her eyes instead. âWhatâs got you so worked up?â she questions as she steps into the warmth of the cabin and out of the freezing cold.
âThe way you ran over here as soon as I asked.â He looks her up and down, still amused. âYou didnât even bother to change, did you?â
Itâs true: sheâs in the same sweatpants and long sleeved tee she wore around home, and her socked feet are shoved into slippers.Â
âGet that smirk off your face.â Nesta flicks his nose before tossing her coat off. âIf this is a competition about whoâs got a bigger puppy-crush for whom, you already won when you delayed putting up your Christmas decorations for me.â
âFair enough,â he grins. The words send an unexpected pang through Nesta, because itâs partly true, isnât it? He cares more openly for her than she does for him.Â
She looks away in guilt, not knowing how to fix the imbalance. Her eyes land on the living room coffee table, where their half-finished jigsaw puzzle sits. Itâs been stored under the couch for the past few weeks, forgotten by Nesta and Cassian alike as they moved on with their lives, but now itâs sitting out again.
âHave you been working on the puzzle without me?â She raises an inquisitive brow, about to feelâ hurt.
âNever,â Cassian promises, saving her from that irrational hurt. âI just brought it out because I figured we should get to finishing it one day.â
She pads over to the table, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in her hand. âI donât know if you remember, but we had a terrible time working on this,â she scoffs lightly.
âOh, I remember,â he says, coming up behind her and stealing the piece from her grasp. âI think itâs safe to say those evenings were the worst fights weâll ever have together.â
Nesta leans back against Cassianâs chest and hums. âIt made us a stronger couple, donât you think?â She turns her head up and back to meet Cassianâs eyes, finding that heâs already looking down at her.
Hypnotized, she leans into his warmth. She only manages to land the smallest kiss against his lips when his hand squeezes her ass cheek. âYouâre here for a job, remember?â He taps her butt before pulling away, gesturing to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living area with his chin. It stands bare. âYou do tinsel, Iâll do lights.â
Tinsel is harder to work with than Nesta remembers. She only manages to get half the tree done before plopping onto the Persian rug, exhausted and covered in silvery material. She doesnât mind laying there while Cassian continues working; itâs her revenge for when he napped on her bed while she moved in.
âYou know the stair railings still need to be wreathed, Archeron.â
Nesta declines to respond, tilting her head on the carpet for a better view of her boyfriendâs ass instead. âAll this decorating,â she starts. âIs it just for you?â
Cassian turns to her, surprised. âWellâŚâ
She pushes up onto her elbows, catching her mistake. âAre we doing Christmas together? Or are your friends coming over?â She hasnât bothered to celebrate Christmas in years now, and she doesnât care much what Cassianâs plans are either way.
âI was hoping for both?â He sounds hesitant. âChristmas Eve is all the way over in Velaris, but I was thinking we could go together, open some presents, and come back and spend Christmas here.â
Nesta purses her lips. She doesnât actually hate that plan. Both Feyre and Elain have been pestering her with the annual texts asking her to visit for Christmas, and for once, she feels like responding to them. The invitation is more of a formality than an actual request at this point; she doubts her sisters want her there after years of rejections, but⌠whatâs the harm?
âIs that a yes?â Cassian asks at her unreadable face.
âYes,â she states unflinchingly. She refuses to overthink the possible consequences of this choice and chooses to focus on the broad grin overtaking Cassianâs face. âReally?â he says.
âBut there has to be rules.â Nesta sits up fully now. âNo one can know weâre together, no matter how much you trust or love them.â
âWe already agreed to that, baby.â
Yes, but Nesta knows the secret weighs on him heavier than he showsâ even if he agrees with her that it's for the best. âItâll be different when weâre together in the same room as everyone else,â she says. Cassian wears his beating heart on his sleeve, and she doesnât think heâs ever had to hide it before.
âYouâll also be different,â she adds. âItâs a huge change of pace.â
Cassian drops the remaining strand of lights and smiles confusedly down at her. âWhat do you mean, Iâll be different?â He sits across from her, before the blazing fire.Â
âYou know how you get around your friends.â Nesta shrugs without a thought. âLike your personality readjusts to mirror the people around you. I used to find it a mix of sad and adorable, like a neglected puppy desperate for love, but now Iâ okay, I still feel the same way.â She waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.
By the look on Cassianâs face, he does not find her words so easily dismissed.Â
Coldness curdles in the pit of Nestaâs stomach, the realization that sheâs said something wrong. She canât fix it until she knows where she fucked up, though.
âIs that what you think of me?â Cassian finally says lowly. His usually expressive mouth is drawn tight and narrow.Â
âUm⌠What would you rather I think of you?â
His eyes widen in disbelief. âSeriously, Nesta?â
Nestaâs back stiffens, refusing to cower. âI only described what Iâve observed in the past.â
âAnd what you observed was a desperate puppy?â His voice is cold in a way sheâs never heard before.
Okay, sheâs starting to see how that might be offensive. She forges onward, âTell me what you think about yourself in the presence of your family, then.â Itâs a private victory that she says family instead of clown circus. But sheâs not trying to turn this into a fight.
Cassian is silent, but his stare continues to rage at her.
âTell me,â Nesta repeats.
His hands curl into fists on the rug. âI think Iâm empathetic, easy to talk to, and easier to be around. Is it a problem if Iâm likable?â Unlike you are the unsaid words.
Nesta inspects the space between them like itâs a chessboard. âAnd what part of yourself are you giving up to be so likable, Cassian?â she says quietly.
âNothing.â
Nesta disagrees, if only because sheâs been watching him out of the corner of her eye for years. âI think you base your personality off of those you love, and you lose a little bit of your true self every time you put othersâ needs before your own.âÂ
She shuts her mouth, not having expected such honesty to come out of it. Cassian is taken aback, too, she can tell.
âAnd I guess itâs natural that youâd see all of that as a bad thing, considering your history of being closed off and self-serving to a fault,â he fires back with the flatness Nesta utilizes so often.
One for one. Fair enough. âWeâre both right then,â Nesta says. âYou work for your best friend because you have no ambition beyond serving your family, and I have no such family because I canât bring myself to care about those things. Are we even now?â
Cassian furrows his brows, those defensive walls melting away as he realizes sheâs completely serious. âWhat? No, Nesââ He shakes his head. âOkay, so maybe youâre right about me. Maybe I agree with you a little bit, but⌠If we see flaws in each other, then we should be working to overcome them instead of weaponizing them.â
Now Nestaâs the one shaking her head, quickly lifting a hand to stop him. âRelax there, sweetheart. I have no expectations from you or myself to go on some self-improvement journey now that weâre together. Talking about my feelings with a professional every week is hard enough.â Yes, agreeing to go to Feyreâs Christmas party is improvement. Slow, barely there improvement, but enough to wear her out for the rest of the month. For Nesta to fully let people into her life, to treat them as lovingly as she treats Cassianâ thatâs a long way away. She canât envision it, doesnât even know if she wants it.
Cassian must understand some of what sheâs thinking, because he nods and backs off. He gets back up and returns to stringing lights, tossing a handful of tinsel at Nesta as if to say Get back to work.Â
She stands and obeys, thinking their not-argument is officially over when Cassian says, âYouâre wrong about one thing.â
She looks up from where she threads tinsel through fir leaves. He doesnât take his eyes off his work as he says, âYou do have a family. And deep, deep down, you care about them as much as I care about mine.â
***
Nesta catches Emerieâs eye as the dark-haired beauty walks into the pub. Raising a hand and waving, she gestures Emerie over to the booth sheâs sitting in.Â
âLook what I found,â Nesta says with a hint of pride, pointing to the redhead sitting beside her. âA third girl for girlâs night!â
âI was kidnapped,â Gwyn speaks up. âJumped on the way to my car.â Sheâs out of her usual hoodie and in a tight-fitting blouse, looking stunning even while seeming out of place in the dim bar.
âShe came here consensually,â Nesta retorts. âEmerie, this is Gwyn. We met at therapy.â
Gwyn offers Emerie an awkward smile.
Emerie slides into the booth across from them with raised brows. She looks between Nesta and the new girl and back again. âYou invited her here? All by yourself?â she asks.
Nesta nods firmly.
Emerie breaks into a wide grin and reaches over the table to grab Nestaâs hand. âIâm so proud of you!â If Emerie were anyone else, sheâd be squealing in excitement, but Emerie does not squeal.
Nesta waves off her friendâs praise, though a part of her wants to beam at it, too.
Gwyn glances between the two of them with slight amusement. âI mean, itâs not that impressive,â she says. âShe came on a bit too strong, probably a five out of ten on the asking-someone-out scale.â
ââA bit too strongâ is all youâre gonna get with Nesta,â Emerie says, lifting her hand to order drinks. âSheâs all-or-nothing, and most people would pray she doesnât give them her nothing.â
Nesta doesnât know if thatâs a compliment, but she supposes there are worse things that could be said about her.
âSo, Gwyn, what do you do?â Emerie leans forward. âAll our friends are law students and itâs starting to get boring.â
Gwyn goes off about her librarian job as Nesta orders their drinks, and Emerie rests her chin in her hand and listens eagerly. Christmas music plays softly in the background and snow flurries gently outside. Nesta thinks she canât be doing that bad in life, if sheâs managed to carve out this little slice of happiness for herself.
***
a/n: i promise shit actually happens next chapter! we're getting christmas with nessian and the ic in the same room for the first time
taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson
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Second chance
Summary:Â 7 months passed since Dave found out the woman he loved didn't die. Would she ever remember him?
Pairing: Dave York x OFC (can be read as reader insert)
Wordcount: 2.4k
Warnings: amnesia, f e e l i n g s, angst
A/N: I tried myself on another part of this. I hope you like it.
Part one: two lives
Masterlist
*Taglist in Reblog
Dave York wasnât someone who believed in second chances. It came with the line of work he was doing. Had been doing. Sighing, he looked at the small house in front of him. He had been sitting in his car for almost 15 minutes, his heart too heavy to open the door, get out of the car and walk over to the door where she would be, still not remembering any moment they had shared.
It was Lissyâs third birthday.
Of course he was invited, the paternity test had confirmed that shortly after their run in at the park. And even though she couldnât remember him, she would never deny Lissy having a father in her life. Many things had changed in the 7 months since the park.
Dave had quit his job, having made enough money to last three lifetimes. She had moved to town, so Dave would be able to build a relationship with his daughter. Lissy was the sweetest little girl, warming up to him within weeks. The first time she called him Daddy would be something he would forever remember.
They were in the park, him, Lissy and her mother, after having lunch and there were three pigeons chasing Lissy.
âSave me Daddddyyyyyy,â she had cried, jumping into his arms. He had laughed, hugged her close to save her from the pigeons, hiding the emotions behind his mask.
But she was getting better at reading him.
While Lissy was well on her way to being a Daddy's girl it was her mother that seemed to have a hard time letting Dave in. Of course, in a perfect world she would have remembered their whole life together before the accident in the moment in the park. But they werenât living in a perfect world. And she definitely didnât remember anything about him. It was hard, looking at the woman he still loved and seeing that she didnât feel the same way. He had sent Carol a huge bouquet of flowers a month after the park with an apology for not having been a better husband in the past.
It was hard for Dave. Especially when he noticed patterns in her behavior that were just so much her.
She still couldnât cook, but she tried.
âI do have a mouth more to feed, so I was thinking about taking some cooking classes,â she had said in one of their sessions. Oh yeah. They were going to therapy together every week. Dave thought it would help her remember, but in the end, after 6 months of nothing, he was questioning why he was going.
Because you love her, he thought to himself.
Today would be hard. Not only because of the birthday but because she wanted to introduce Dave to the man she had been dating for a month now. It truly was over and he somehow had to make his peace with it. At least he had Lissy to look forward to.
âHey Dave,â she smiled as she opened the door. He smiled back, his smile not reaching his eyes. She noticed this happened more often in the last weeks.
âHi. Am I late?â
âNo. Just in time. Weâre gonna cut the cake in a couple of minutes,â she stepped to the side, letting the man in. Spending time with Dave was making her feel so confused every time, yet she found herself wanting to see him more lately. Getting used to finding out so many things about her past has been overwhelming to say the least. She could see the longing in his eyes every time he looked at her in the beginning. Yet lately he seemed to shut himself off, wearing a mask to hide behind. She couldnât blame him. If they really loved each other like he explained to her in therapy, she would die a thousand deaths spending time with him, when it was him who couldnât remember her.
âI hope she likes her present,â Dave said, shrugging his coat off.
âSheâs gonna love it. You could gift her some old socks, and she would love them,â she smiled and Dave smiled back.
âI canât stay long, but I would love to take her this weekend,â Dave said.
âThe whole weekend?â she asked. She had never spent more than a day parted from her since she was born. Dave sighed.
âWe can talk about it laterâŚâ
âNo, help me get out the cake and we can talk,â she said walking through the house with him following her. He could hear music from the living room and laughter and he had to smile. At least his daughter was happy with her friends.
âTalk,â she said and he sighed.
âI canât do this anymore. I want to spend time with Lissy but I need a breakâŚâ he shook his head and she turned around.
âYou need a break from me?â she asked quietly without judgment. She knew she was hurting him. And she wanted everything but to hurt the man in front of her. She could see why she fell in love with him. The old her. He was a strong and passionate man who always put his family first. There was something dangerous in his eyes that seemed to make her pulse quicken every time he let it spark through. He knew how she drank her coffee and he always warmed her hands, that seemed to be always cold, stating that they had always been like that. She spent nights awake in her big and lonely bed, trying to make herself remember him. She wanted nothing more than that. To give her and him a happily ever after but she just couldnât. And it was starting to hurt them both.
âI donât want to I just⌠If we wanna do this, co-parenting, I need to find a way to live with the feelings I still have for you. And I think for that itâs best if we take a little break.â
She only nodded, sucking her bottom lip in. Why was this hurting her so much?
âYouâre dating and you deserve to be happy, but so do I,â he added stepping closer towards her.
âI know,â she whispered, crossing her arm as if she was hugging herself.
âI wish I could just flip a switch and everything would be like back thenâŚâ
âIâm not dating, I only told you that in hopes that this would make you move on,â she confessed and Dave took a deep breath, ignoring the wave of relief that flooded through his body.
âWill you let me take you out to dinner?â he asked.
âLike on a date?â she asked.
âIt doesnât have to be, but yeah. Like on a date.â
He was almost as touching her now, his chest against hers.
âBut you said you wanted a break,â she whispered.
âItâs a break so I can fall out of love with you, or a date so you can start to fall back in love with me,â he said quietly and she found herself smiling softly.
âIâm not the same person you fell in love with, Dave. I may look like her on the outside, butâŚ.â
âI know. Just let me have one night. Iâll cook for you and we can talk. Without a therapist or Lissy around. Just us,â he smiled hopeful, his hand coming up to put a stray of hair behind her ear.
âOkay.â
She had never been to Daveâs apartment before. She knew that he was still living in the same place she used to live with him. She didnât want to imagine the amount of heartbreak he went through ever since she disappeared. She still didnât know the whole story about them. She only knew that they both met because they both had worked at the CIA. And she wanted to get answers today. There were some pieces of the puzzle that were her past, that didnât make any sense to her. Maybe this was the reason she just couldnât remember a thing.
She smelled something delicious as she made her way up the stairs, knocking on the apartment door. She was nervous. In all the time knowing each other since the park they never spend time alone.
The door flew open and she smiled seeing him barefoot, wearing jeans and a shirt.
âHey,â he smiled, stepping to the side so she could walk in. She couldnât stop letting her eyes wander through the big room that seemed to be hallway, dining room, living room and kitchen all at once. It seemed familiar. Dave only watched her as she slowly walked in, her fingers brushing over a bookshelf that held her books.
She jumped when she felt something rub over her feet, followed by a meow. A cat was sniffing at her feet, rubbing her soft body at her calves.
âThatâs kitty. Sheâs⌠Sheâs your cat,â Dave explained. She looked at him with big eyes.
âI had a cat?â she leaned down to pick her up, a calmness washing over her, as the cat purred against her chest.
âYou found her outside as a kitten and took her in. Sheâs a little over 6 years old now.â
âSheâs a sweetheart,â she smiled, not letting go of the cat as she followed Dave.
âYeah she grew on me afterâŚâ he shook his head, smiling softly before he turned from her.
âI hope you still like my paella. You used to love it,â he said.
âI love paella,â she said with a smile, leaning with her hand propped up on her hands on the kitchen island.
âIt smells delicious. I canât wait to taste it.â
âWine?â he asked and she nodded. She watched him as he opened the bottle of wine and couldnât help but let her eyes wander up his strong arms. When she looked into his eyes he just winked at her and she felt herself blush.
âHungry?â he asked, handing her the glass of wine.
âStarving!â she answered.
âSo we met at the CIA but I hated you at first?â
âI am a pretty big asshole to most people.â
âMust be your face. When you have this brooding look you look like youâre plotting murder,â she joked a while later, sitting on the sofa across from him. Kitty hadnât left her side the whole evening. She was now sleeping peacefully in her leap.
Dave sighed.
âYou wanted the truth. How we met. How we fell in love. How⌠How I thought you died and leftâŚâ he choked on his words, looking away from her. This would be hard.
âDave⌠Did we kill people?â she asked out of the blue. Dave turned his head to look at her for a long time.
âYes. Yes we did. And we were the best at it,â he added. She sucked her bottom lip in, nodding slowly. And so he told her. Every little thing. About the death of McCall and about how they took jobs outside the CIA making a name for themselves. He answered every single question she had.
âI should be scared of you and of the person I was but looking at youâŚâ she breathed in deep, shaking her head.
âI feel safe with you. Like Iâm finally where Iâm supposed to be. I canât describe it. I can see why I fell in love with you,â she smiled a little.
âThis is a lot to take in. I had my suspicions about my past. There are pieces of things I remember but itâs not enough to understand them. And at this point Iâm not sure if I want to remember. Though I have so many things to be thankful for from my old lifeâŚâ
âSuch as?â Dave asked.
âMeeting you? I wouldnât have Lissy if it werenât for you,â she whispered and Dave felt himself smile at her.
âI didnât know you were pregnant. I wouldnât have taken the job for us if I had known⌠Iâm so sorry,â he closed his eyes, letting his head fall down. Her heart broke. Yes, she was the one who experienced the memory loss but he had all the memories. Carefully she pulled Kitty off her lap and closed the distance between herself and Dave. Taking his hands in hers, she felt him shake.
âItâs not your fault. Do you think I would have listened to you? Itâs not your fault Dave. You hear me?â she squeezed his hand and felt him shudder. He let his head fall against her shoulder and she gasped, letting go of his hands to hug him against her. He was shaking in her arms as he silently cried against her shoulder.
âIâm pretty sure I didnât know I was pregnant back then. I wish I could remember. We would have been so happy,â she smiled, letting her head fall against his.
âYou are such a good Dad. I wish you would have been there when Lissy was a baby. But youâre here now. And weâre not going anywhere,â she promised, her heart full. He had stopped shaking at some point, yet couldnât bring himself to look at her. He never wanted to let go. He felt her kiss his temple and he shuddered again. One of her hands pushed under his chin tilting his head up so he had to look at her.
âI may not remember being in love with you, but I think I am falling in love with you,â she whispered looking into his eyes. Dave stopped breathing, trying to register the words that had just left her lips. He just looked at her, taking her in before he leaned in, closing the distance between them, to finally kiss her. She gasped against his lips, her arms wrapping around his neck as she melted against him. This. This is what felt right. She never wanted to let go.
Resting with his forehead against hers he smiled.
âPromise me to never leave me again without saying goodbye,â he whispered and she smiled back.
âNever,â she vowed kissing him again.
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