#another trauma rant.

[thebigfudanshi]

I feel like every time something good happens in my life, something bad just always has to happen. I just have to learn ONE more bad thing about life I didn't want to know. Somebody's not who I think they are, my parents act all normal and then stuff just devolves, a say something completely stupid to my friend, there's something wrong with my dog,

I have classes to catch up on, I need to get a goddamn permit, I'm assualted with disgusting images from my brain I DONT WANT TO SEE, I only have one friend, my life is so monotonous I wanna cry. I'm so lonely the only being I've touched in the last year's have been hugging and petting my dog and one brief placement of a hand over mine from my friend that made my heart soar. But shit always goes wrong. I've learned some really horrible shit about a side of my family I never wanted to hear. My family is founded on trauma, both of my parents were abused, in turn I was abused emotionally and neglected, and I'm only just now figuring out who I am and it's fucking scaring me because it shouldn't be like this and everything I know feels fake and my mind is a void that's only running off of thoughts of Dook larue and I don't know how much longer I'm gonna last on this and everything I know is falling apart around me and building up at the same time and I haven't even started my life I'm a fucking 20 year old living in my parents house and nobody seems to realize just how fucking TERRIBLE I'm doing and everything gets brushed away and I STILL can't talk in my house, or I can, but. God my mom told me some terrible shit. None of my relatives are good, hell, not even my dad is who I thought he was, and somebody else I've found out isn't whoi thought they were, and I'm sitting here trying to process .y life because the only way I'll ever remember anything is if I post it online but what's gonna happen if someone finds this and I cant even tell them how I feel, and

My mom offered to let me start counseling through her girlfriends work like her girlfriend is and I'm really really really wanting to take that offer I already told her yes. I need to see a therapist now now now now now

My world is falling apart around me and my default is to curl up and pump my brain full of dook larue I can't do this but I can make any friends because I'm too fucked up my brain is only sexual I'm so scared all the time I can't figure out who I am and I really need someone to hold me and cup my face and tell me it's gonna be alright and they're gonna make my bad thoughts go away cause they're gonna sit with me all day and help me piece myself together because I really can't do this on my own anymore I just can't I can't deal with anything like a normal person and I know too much bad shit about the world that keeps haunting my brain and it hurts so much because I would NEVER ever do it and I know it with all my heart but my brain keeps putting horrible images in my head and I can't do it anymore 8m not gonna kill myself because that's pussy shit but I rreally really really need help I can't do this by myself 8m hurting and I need help I'm admiting it I can't do this. Everyday is the fucking same but I never want to leave the house but Phoebe need to go on walks and socialize and I even did that today but then everything went to shit because I found out something I could've gone without again qnd I dont know how to keep being a person. I've never been a person. Just a shell. Cram me up full of traits I'm stealing off of people. Do I only know how to write because my brain has nothing to do but imagine? I really need therapy and I really need to tell my mom because she's still my guardian because the past year has been a dissociative HELL SPIRAL and I can't even look forward to the thing I was looking forward to because everything went bad all of a sudden like it always does.

Ducky out. I just need... Something. I don't know. I don't have anyone and honestly I'm kinda seeing why. I can't do this anymore man. It's so hard all the time. I don't k ow what to do because I refuse to kill myself and I really do want to live, but everything is so upsetting all the time, I can't see any good in the world coming into my future. I can't see my future. I'm completely stuck where I am. If I never have any... Well I have my best friend and my mutual on here but... I can't fill my life long loneliness like this. I really really need help and I can't get it. I can't even talk to my mom because I'm so scared she's not gonna listen to me again because I told her I was dissociating all year and she doesn't seem to HEAR me. I can't do this guy's I'm so lost. My house is building itself back up back I'm falling into the same old house it used to be and worse. I can't. I just can't. I don't k ow what to do because nobody's ever listened to me in my life but my brother and he can't help me with this. I'm so scared to ask my mom. I can't do anything right. I don't know how long I'm gonna have to type before I forget everything that happened today but it's working so that's good. Maybe I'll just tell my best friend I'm in love with him and stop being so scared I'll fall out of love. I already know he used to like me. Were great friends! I would fucking ruing him so bad and I can't do that to him I can't he's too important to me. I can't keep running in circles like this in a stupid nymphomaniac loop but this is the only thing I can control, right? Because I can't even eat right. I'm under weight. I'm not even 100 pounds, I'm fucking 90 something pounds because nothing in my house looks good unless I'm high and that's a whole different story of addiction. Truth is, I'm so scared of everything, the world, myself, everything. The only saving grace I have is my brother. The only person who's ever known ME.

It's not enough, it'll never be. My brother is my brother. I need someone I can LOVE. To hold, to kiss, to give them all of me to distract me from every terrible fucking thing in the world. Someone who won't misgender me, someone clean, someone just, who is clean. Someone who gets me. Someone who can understand everything. I can't keep running in circles but how am I supposed to break free when im spiraling so fast? There's only three people keeping me sane and it's my brother l, my best friend, and my mutual. You guys keep me going. I don't know what to do anymore.

But truely, as I'm calming down from my feral panic. I don't know what to do. I need help. But I don't know what to do. I need help with that. What do I do? What am I supposed to tell my mom? "My mental health has spiraled so rapidly I'm falling apart at the seams."?

Well she's gonna blame it on herself so I'm gonna be upset and she's gonna be upset and I won't know what to do. She's gonna get home from work and be upset already and every time I try to think of talking to her I start crying. I am now. I feel so fucking helpless I don't know what to do please help me anyone I don't understand anything anymore my life was supposed to be all okay when my parents got divorced and it just got so muchfuckingworse.

[haunted-xander]

I guess old feelings don't disappear that easily

[silverthelovebug]

We never really got to see them hang out one on one during the events of Camp Cretaceous (except once, and they were competing to see who’s lack of a childhood gave them the better skill set so) Idk, we only get a snippet of their dynamic in Chaos Theory, I just think their friendship (especially as adults) would be pretty interesting :3

(Yes, some of these are headcanons ^^)

(Look, you don’t just sprain/break your ankle on concrete and not have lasting consequences without the proper treatment. Yaz was running on that foot on the daily !! And you can see it still affected her all the way through Season 3 !!! So, yeah, Hits her with the chronic pain beam)

( ‼️Also Major Chaos Theory Spoilers ‼️)

[sk1fanfiction]

on dursley revisionism

Random people with wrong opinions: "Harry wasn't abused by the Dursleys" (bonus points for 'just neglected', which is a type of child abuse btw or 'that's all fanon')

Things that the Dursleys canonically did that are abuse just off the top of my head:

Swung a frying pan at his head (at the age of 12)

Grabbed him by the neck and basically tried to strangle him (even light pressure to the neck can cause internal damage)

Starved him

Verbally abused him

Locked him alone in a small cramped space as punishment (which can cause permanent psychological damage btw, and that's in adults. It is literally a type of torture.)

Made him sleep in that same small cramped unhealthy space when they had an extra bedroom

Encouraged their son to bully him and beat him up

Left him to be possibly attacked by a vicious dog

Bonus: Hid the evidence of his existence to outsiders and didn't speak about him to others (a typical thing for abusers to do)

And more. That boy is unrealistically well-adjusted.

I know the shitty guardian trope is so common in British children's lit (think Roald Dahl) that it became normalized, but it's not. It's abuse. I am worried for the children in your lives tbh.

[helluvabunch]

"it's a trauma response" and "it's a shitty way to treat someone" are not mutually exclusive btw ✨

[penn-dragon]

Kyoko still regularly visits the Corn clearing because it's her happy place, and early into the production Ren goes to visit the spot for nostalgia and happy memories. They run into each other there and Ren immediately realizes who she is

[thottybrucewayne]

Life will be sooooooo good then boom. The nigga that groomed me follows me on linkedin

[starfishinthedistance]

"Actually, liking things neat and tidy, and organizing stuff because you find it satisfying is OCPD not OCD-"

no no no NO NO NO shut up oh my god.

OCPD is a (usually trauma induced) mental illness where a person finds comfort in rigid patterns, perfectionism and self-imposed rules, and exterting control over everything they can, to the point of severe dysfunction and/or distress in their life. It comes with a lot of anxiety, troubles with relationships and extreme difficulty with school/work. It is painful to have and causes a lot of suffering, because it is a goddamn mental illness.

If you like organization or cleaning because it's satisfying and it doesn't cause you distress or dysfunction, you are a perfectionist or a neat person. You are not any mental illness. End of story.

For the love of GOD stop redirecting OCD stigma onto OCPD, especially when OCPD is so under researched and misunderstood, even by professionals.

-Someone with OCD who has seen enough of this shit

[vhstown]

the more i learn about childhood development the more i think about how awful my favourite characters' childhood must have been

and what interests me is how im thinking about pretty much every character except miles 😭 yeah he suffers a lot in the movie but hes one of the only characters with a stable home and upbringing (think when hobie says "bet you got a nice set up, eh? nice parents.")

fundamentally i think that's what sets him apart from the other spider people. the resentment they feel towards him is more personal than any sort of greater moral duty they have. spiderman has to suffer for the greater good and the fact that miles goes against that rhetoric is an attack on their identity as spiderman that is so ingrained into them

i strongly believe one of the central themes of spiderverse is how futile "heroism" as a concept (and by extension ideology) really is. basically these lot are messed up and it's a tricky situation for a 15 year old kid to navigate

[whatsleftofdishaa]

na soulmate milra hai or na hi success, sirf trauma or trust issues milre hai.

[maxthesillyy]

do NOT hand me the aux or i WILL start playing this shit

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

[grimalkinmessor]

SHUT UP ABOUT THE PERCY JACKSON VS HARRY POTTER DEBATE SHUT UP ABOUT THE PERCY JACKSON VS HARRY POTTER DEBATE IT'S BEEN MONTHS WHY IS IT STILL CIRCULATING MY FEED. IF I SEE THAT STUPID ASS TWEET THAT STARTED IT ALL ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I'M GOING TO START DRAWING THEM HOLDING HANDS AND MAKING OUT SLOPPY STYLE AND MAKING SWEET SWEET LOVE ON A BED OF ROSE PETALS I AIN'T PLAYING WITH Y'ALL NO MORE

[s0undsinmyhead]

I decided to reread The Hunger Games trilogy and I gotta say this trend of absolutely hating Gale and calling him a war criminal and selfish is such a miss.

Gale is by no means a perfect person. But none of the characters are. They all do bad or questionable things. They’re literally in the middle of a war. Even before it’s officially a war.

Yes Gale was jealous of Peeta and Katniss. Yes, there were significantly more important things going on. Gale knew that, he acknowledged that. But end of the day he’s still a teenager with emotions. Just like Peeta and Katniss who both also describe being jealous of Gale - Madge - Joanna. They also know it’s dumb given all the danger and death surrounding them. But surprisingly people still have emotions like love and jealousy during wartime - including teenagers.

As for the war criminal comments that’s a whole long discussion but let’s remember this is a world in which the government has been slaughtering children for entertainment and forcing all the districts that send their kids to watch them be murdered for the entirety of the main trios lives and long before them - it is all they have ever known.

Additionally, year round the capital treats the citizens like slaves and makes them produce whatever is necessary for the capital and then let’s them live in squalor starving to death. This is how Gale grew up. He was the oldest of 4 kids. His dad died when he was a kid and he was responsible for taking care of his mom and all his siblings. He had his name in the bowl for the reaping probably more than almost any boy in 12.

He watched his district and the men women and children he knew his whole life be burned alive while he had to lead as many to safety as he could. He watched his best friend be shoved into the hunger games twice knowing not only that he might lose her forever but that he would have 2 more people to care for and soon he would be forced into the mines full time with little opportunity to hunt.

So when a war breaks out to finally stop the abuses and murders by the capital of course Gale jumps in. Of course he plans to kill. It’s a war. And it’s nice to try and be a pacifist and say give peace a chance but how can you say that to your oppressors and expect anything to change. There had to be a war and there had to be death. Gale fought in the front lines and was willing to die to save his family and free the districts. It’s curious we never hear anyone call Beetee a war criminal when he made more weapons than anyone. Almost like it’s not the fact the Gale made weapons during a war, but that it was Gale.

[moe-broey]

LIKE!!!!!! BEING TRANSGENDER BEING QUEER IN ANY WAY ISN'T HARMFUL BEHAVIOR!!!!!!! IT'S LITERALLY NOT EVEN A BEHAVIOR!!!!! IT'S JUST A THING THAT YOU ARE!!!!!! And SOMETIMES. You act accordingly! You may change your name and pronouns! You may seek HRT! You may look into surgery! You may only do a few of those things or any combination of those things (or maybe even none?!), whichever works for you and your sense of self-actualization. BUT. Doing ANY of those things. Is NOT HARMFUL BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!! And in the sexuality department! If you have "same sex attraction" as they like to call it. Also not even a behavior. It's just a thing you Feel. But of course you gotta moralize Feelings, too. Forget about it!!!!! And if you Act on it. That's still not harmful. Who are you harming? Giving a little kissie to your same gendered homie???? Or getting handsy????? But on God. Do not get me started. My MAIN POINT. Is that there is literally no harm. There is nothing to correct here. There is nothing to fix here. Except for the hatred in your heart!!!!!! Your fear of the unknown!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME ONGOING EVERLASTING TRAUMA OVER THIS THIS IS FUCKING STUPID‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[crabussy]

I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy