#obsessive compulsive personality disorder

[nixnephili]

Psychological Notes - Nikolai Gogol - BSD

These are some simple notes on his psychology

I've done a little analysis on Fyodor in the past. Which you can read here:

Some S4 SPOILERS (nothing huge, tho)

HPD - Histrionic Personality Disorder.

I think anyone who is familiar with HPD can identify Nikolai with it immediately. On a more broad spectrum, he's a near embodiment of HPD.

Histrionic Personality Disorder main Symptoms:

- the constant need for attention/ attention seeking behavior (ex: mannerisms that seek attention, clothing that seeks attention, a specific way of speaking that seeks attention)

- being uncomfortable /physically uncomfortable in situations in which the individual is not the center of attention

- being overly provocative/ seductive

-displaying emotions that seem to be shallow and change rapidly/ do not remain consistent

- speaking vaguely, lacking detail

- being easily influenced by others or circumstances

Considering relationships to be much more intimate than they actually are

On that last point, it brings special attention to Nikolai and his behaviors in S4

His 'friendship' with Fyodor might very well exist only in his head. Fyodor allows him to entertain the delusion to keep him under some flimsy emotional obligation Nikolai sets up for himself. Though, as we've seen, he matches the symptoms as far as shallow and inconsistent emotions go. In one scene, he rejoices over reuniting with Fyodor, and the other, he sends him off to a very possible death.

Nikolai is very eccentric. Going out of his way for flare and drama. Although, on par with HPD, whenever his attention seeking behavior is ignored or doesn't receive the reaction he needed or expected, he either can become distressed or escalate his antics greatly.

//////////

A scene that's very memorable and relevant for Nikolai is his: "I'm completely sane" scene.

I doubt that I need to come in here and tell you that this is very unlikely to be true.

To break this down... there is the notion of "sane or Insane Homicide". That refers to circumstantial points. Sane homicide would imply an act of self-defense or perhaps an accident. The person who committed the homicide was a victim of circumstance or negligence. They had no choice, where survival came first, and they needed to protect themselves or others against another human being that was threatening the individual's life. This presents a completely sane person commuting homicide out of need for survival or prevention of harm to oneself or others.

Insane Homicide would go down the path of a crime committed more out of a 'want' than a 'need'.

Nikolai is not physically forced or obligated to commit the murders and atrocities he is responsible for. He isn't trapped or manipulated (as he hates brainwashing by default i doubt he'd allow himself to be a part of it).

Though if I were to assume, Nikolai could be experiencing a compulsion. This refers to an action that the brain feels a pressing NEED to do. If not, Nikolai may feel uncomfortable or feel physically unwell. Compulsions are most often the results of the brain's desire to cure an obsession.

If you are obsessed with germs or cleanliness, you may feel the compulsive need to wash your hands very often. The obsession causes you to be anxious and overthink -> so your brain tries to resolve that obsession every time it occurs, through that compulsion to wash up.

Nikolai is obsessed with freedom. Complete and utter freedom from the world, society, feelings, and existence. To be truly free. His brain could be trying to resolve this obsession by compulsively 'freeing' people (murdering them) from feelings and, therefore, existence. Nikolai temporarily resolves his obsession with freedom by compulsively freeing those around him. If that obsession in his mind isn't resolved, he can not function. The brain needs and wants to function, so it resolves it repeatedly. Because what resolved it once will resolve it every time. And if the obsession can't be resolved, Nikolai grows uneasy and uncomfortable.

Much like a person who can not control their own mind and life, and compulsively chooses to control other's.

[colombinna]

Being neurodivergent is truly so inconvenient. We need to talk about that more. I had the whooole last half of last week and this whooole weekend to do nothing but study for my big exam on Thursday. I have not even yet managed to finish the remaining 15 pages of one of the texts. And the worst thing is, I don't feel like doing anything else either!! It's not like I desperately need to draw, it's not like I desperately want to play a game, or watch a specific tv show or read a specific comic. No, nope. I'm just absolutely unable to do the ONE thing I had planned my whole time to do - to study about a topic I'm EXTREMELY passionate about and know WHY it's important that I do so - and when I try to push through it I fall fucking asleep! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!! So I end up losing hours and hours on social media, and now executive dysfunction is screwing me all over, I'm taking my meds super late and waking up super late, and the whole day ends up being a mess!!

"We all have the same 24 hours on the day" you speak for your abled self, I barely get 10 these days!

[gay-jewish-bucky]

cluster a and cluster c culture is constantly being left out of conversations about personality disorders while still facing intense stigma and social isolation for your symptoms :/

[blackholemojis]

:0 if youre doing other personality disorders can you do ocpd as a symbol please??? ty ty!!!!

Yep! Catching up on requests atm

[ID: an emoji of a figure standing with one hand behind their back and the other making a “perfect” symbol (index and thumb touching with other fingers held apart). Behind them are several checkmarked boxes that fade towards the bottom. /End ID]

[cybertroniancoining]

Cluster C Genderdollic

AVPDollic

A gender related to having Avoidant Personality Disorder and being a doll.

DPDollic

A gender related to having Dependent Personality Disorder and being a doll.

OCPDollic

A gender related to having Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and being a doll.

It should go without saying, but please only use these genders if you have the listed PD.

Genderdollic gender system by @chronoport Colors picked from Here / Here Archive Tags: @radiomogai | @io-archival | @liomipsum

[fantasy-store]

Custer C Flags remade

[cluster c flags remade]

post one(link) - cluster a(link) - cluster b(link)

Avoidant personality disorder

stone used: ammolite

Dependant personality disorder

stone used: unakite

Obsessive Compulsive personality disorder

stone used: Opal

flags are exclusive to those with the disorders

apologies for the lack of ids due to a lack of spoons

radqueers, transx/id do not touch my flags thanks

tagging: @delightfulweepingwillows, @dpdarchive, @avpdarchive, @docsfallfromgrace, @acetrappolaswife, @clusterrune, @archival-arrival, @decayednightmaremogai

[doomsdayradio]

btw happy diability pride month to people with personality disorders

happy disability pride month to people with ppd

happy disability pride month to people with szpd

happy disability pride month to people with stpd

happy disability pride month to people with aspd

happy disability pride month to people with bpd

happy disability pride month to people with hpd

happy disability pride month to people with npd

happy disability pride month to people with avpd

happy disability pride month to people with dpd

happy disability pride month to people with ocpd

happy disability pride month to people with pdnos

happy disability pride month to people with more than one personality disorder

ive seen a lot of people imply or out right say pds arent disabilities, and while some people with pds might not consider themselves disabled by it, its important to recognize and support those of us who do

so happy disbility pride month to yall <3

wether youre professionally dx or self dx, may your symptoms be manageable and the stigma burn o7

[starfishinthedistance]

"Actually, liking things neat and tidy, and organizing stuff because you find it satisfying is OCPD not OCD-"

no no no NO NO NO shut up oh my god.

OCPD is a (usually trauma induced) mental illness where a person finds comfort in rigid patterns, perfectionism and self-imposed rules, and exterting control over everything they can, to the point of severe dysfunction and/or distress in their life. It comes with a lot of anxiety, troubles with relationships and extreme difficulty with school/work. It is painful to have and causes a lot of suffering, because it is a goddamn mental illness.

If you like organization or cleaning because it's satisfying and it doesn't cause you distress or dysfunction, you are a perfectionist or a neat person. You are not any mental illness. End of story.

For the love of GOD stop redirecting OCD stigma onto OCPD, especially when OCPD is so under researched and misunderstood, even by professionals.

-Someone with OCD who has seen enough of this shit

[cluster-c-pds-culture-is]

questioning OCPD culture is feeling like everything is falling apart without you in control and then being in control and feeling like everything is falling apart because you’re not perfect enough to be able to manage the control in the first place.

.

[happyk44]

Mentioned this to a friend the other day but in the landscape of "your godly parent makes you more susceptible to developing X disorder, or, at the very least, significant traits of it", I was looking at OCPD and the Zeus/Jupiter kids.

"Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is characterised by a pervasive preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control (with no room for flexibility) that ultimately slows or interferes with completing a task. Patients with OCPD need to be in control, this, they tend to be solitary in their endeavours and to mistrust the help of others."

This fits the aspect of Zeus/Jupiter being the god of law and order. According to the DSM-5, OCPD is determined through a persistent pattern of preoccupation with order, perfectionism, and control of self, others and situations. This pattern is show by at least 4 or more of the following:

Preoccupation with details rules, schedules, organization, and lists

A striving to do something perfectly that interfere with completion of the task

Excessive devotion to work and productivity (not due to financial necessity), resulting in neglect of leisure activities and relationships

Excessive conscientiousness, fastidiousness, and inflexibility regarding ethical and moral issues and values

Unwillingness to throw out worn-out or worthless objects, even those with little to no sentimental value

Reluctance to delegate or work with other people unless those people agree to do things exactly as the patient wants

A miserly approach to spending for themselves and others because they see money as something to be he saved for future disasters

Rigidity and stubbornness

There's also a good deal of traits that overlap with Autism as well - which I HC Jason to have. See the Venn diagram below:

Read the full article here.

[ID: A Venn diagram showing the differences and overlap between Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Autism. It is titled Misdiagnosis Monday.

The section relating only to the symptoms of OCPD lists:

Fundamental Nature: Fundamentally, OCPD is about guarding against vulnerability, with perfectionism and control shielding against shame and the fear of losing control

Excessive Devotion to Productivity: Need to be productive and difficulty relaxing or engaging in unproductive tasks

Overwhelming Need for Orderliness and Perfectionism: The drive for perfection, order, and control often leads to challenges in task completion, difficulty in delegating, and personal strain and struggle

Distressing Perfectionism: Perfectionism leads to significant personal distress - impacting emotional well-being and personal relationships, frequently resulting in emotional turmoil

Benefits from psychological treatment that address core schemas and wounds

The section relating to symptoms that overlap between OCPD and Autism lists:

High need for predictability and routine

Strict adherence to rituals, routine, and order

Indecision and task paralysis

All-or-nothing thinking patterns

Intellectualizing/emotionally guarded

Value-driven and unwavering adherence to moral or ethical codes

Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, and organization

The section relating only to the symptoms of Autism lists:

Fundamental Nature: Autism is a distinct neurotype with its unique nervous serious and brain processing style, presenting a different yet equally valuable perspective on the world

Monotropism and Special Interests: Characterized by an intensely passionate focus on specific interests, reflecting a distinct attention style that typically is joy-filled

Sensory Diversity: From hypersensitivity to under-sensitivity, including unique interoceptive awareness

Autistic Brain Style: Detail-focused, bottom-up processing, and concrete thinking - the autistic Brain navigates the world throw the repetition and structured routines

Autistic Communication Patterns: Distinct Autistic communication favouring directness, depth, and concrete language use

Benefits from tailored support and treatment for any co-occurring mental health conditions

/end ID]

The fear of losing control is something I relate to with Zeus/Jupiter. I imagine he's very paranoid about being overthrown, and gets easily stressed out when other people try to take over a situation. It might be weird to consider him as an anxious person, but, you know, what other kind of person would eat a woman because a prophecy said she would give birth to a son that would overthrow him. 🤷‍♂️

Also, personally when I think of the Big Six's childhood and the Titan war, I imagine him as having very specific ideas of his siblings before they were thrown up. The fact that they ended up being very little like his imagination and don't respect him as their future king furthers this stress and anxiety, since, as the older siblings, they do have more of a claim to the throne he was promised in return for defeating their father.

(I've written about this a bit before, check out the "happy talks greek mythos" tag if you wanna look)

OCPD is a cluster C diagnosis. Cluster C personality disorders are labelled as anxious and fearful. Similarly OCD a specific type of anxiety disorder. I think a lot of people conflate the two by accident. A lot of depictions or jokes about OCD relate to the perfectionism and needing things to be orderly which is more of an OCPD thing.

The IOCDF has a fact sheet on OCPD you can review for further information on the differences between the two. Click the related disorders tab to locate the pdf.

OCPD also differs from OCD in that people with OCD have a self-awareness. They know their thoughts are unreasonable, irrational, and/or unwanted, where people with OCPD typically believe their way is the right (and only) way, and do not respond well when people don't adhere to their self-imposed system of rules. Which, again, befits my headcanon that children of Zeus/Jupiter develop various rules and/or routines for how the world (should) work and struggle with not inflicting "justice" on people who break those rules, no matter how minor.

For example, I headcanon Zeus to have a thing about cups. Different types have different purposes. Don't use a wine glass for water, etc, etc. To any other person, it would be a "kinda weird but whatever" if you passed them a wine glass filled with ice tea, but he'd freak the fuck out because that's not what it's for! And then, depending on his mood, either lecture you about it or kill you.

(Fun fact: In the early stages of the whole Titan War, let's try to kill our dad and other relatives thing, Hestia tried pottery during some rare downtime and made everyone a cup! They had no handles and were improperly made because she spent most of her life in a stomach. Zeus gritted his teeth and said, "Thank you, I love it" while internally his brain was on fire, and he wanted to strangle her and break everyone's cups, because it's not a fucking cup. He loves her so much, everyone's favourite sister and all, but dear stars above, he wanted to kill her so bad for this major infraction)

So, lol, yeah. I think Zeus has a lot of neurotic tendencies that he passes down to his kids. There's also the whole "you're a child of Zeus/Jupiter, you're the leader now" thing that demands them to be perfect beyond reason, which could propel the development of OCPD, or some of its traits.

I also HC that one of the powers the kids may have is the ability to force people to follow/believe in the same system of rules that they do. Helpful in battle when you're faced against more enemies than you can handle. Less helpful when it's just you and your buddies and you think them drinking iced tea out of wine glass is incorrect and despicable.

Anyway, these days I'm kicking my legs up over personality disorders, lol, but hey, if anyone has any disorders, personality or not, they think may fit a specific set of demigods, hit me up! I'd love to look into it. So far I have:

Neptune = Schizoid Personality Disorder (based on the idea that PJO's Neptune represents the emotionless and uncaring sea);

Poseidon = Borderline Personality Disorder (based on the idea that PJO's Poseidon represents the emotional and volatile sea);

Ares = Intermittent Explosive Disorder (haven't discussed it before but if you look into it, it's fairly self-explanatory - does not necessarily apply to children of Mars as Mars is more disciplined than Ares, though I think both sets of kids likely have a high propensity for anger issues);

Zeus/Jupiter = OCPD (as discussed above) and Autism (mostly because of my Jason is autistic HC, which I'm sure I've discussed it in some detail before as well)

[92fs]

I hate having OCPD actually. I hate constantly thinking about the “right” time to do something, way to do something, circumstance to do something. I hate overthinking everything. I hate being obsessed with rules and timing. I hate feeling like I constantly lose opportunities and chances; or lose time. 

[hpdcultureis]

HPD with OCPD traits culture is being torn between needing your posts to be Perfect before you post them but also wanting to just post a ton all at once without care for quality so that you show up on people's dashes a lot and get notes

.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

NPD+OCPD culture is thinking that no one can be more perfectionistic than you

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Not my dumbass traumatized self blaming myself for being unable to sleep because I wanted to attempt to sleep in the dark. I've had trouble with it lately due to delusions and flashes of unpleasant things.

My friend literally just said to me "still not your fault" when I told her WHY it was my fault. And I just stopped and had a moment of clarity. I'm fucking crying right now. It is NOT my fucking fault. I can't help it I had a pain flare up. I can't help it that I wanted to face my fear and sleep in the dark again. I can't help it that I'm severely traumatized with lots of chronic pain issues. It's not my fault. It's not my fucking fault. I don't have to be in control of everything. I have so many fucking issues and such an obsessive need for control and everything to go right.

Fucking sobbing. Sometimes you just need that person to tell you that shit.

[avoidkin]

sometimes i just get so incredibly sad about having a personality disorder.

especially when i mention to my teachers i have to go to therapy on tuesdays, and them giving me a discontent look and telling me "it's not ideal". i know it's not ideal for me to miss school!! but why the fuck can't you help me figure it out?? i'm disabled, what the fuck do you want me to do? stop being disabled?! i'd like that very much too.

now i feel guilty for being disabled

sometimes i just get incredibly sad about having a personality disorder.

it makes me believe i'm unlovable. too much. that i can't ask for things. accommodations. so i limit my life into a very small space. it's best for everyone this way.

sometimes i just get incredibly sad about having a personality disorder.

there is no pd community online. no funny pd memes on tumblr, no widespread pd positivity like i see coming from the autistic & adhd community.

sometimes i just get incredibly sad about having a personality disorder.

i think of the person hearing about how someone with ocpd acts, and commenting "those people sound very annoying to be around". i got my diagnosis 6 months later.

sometimes i just get incredibly sad how rarely i meet someone who knows what my disability is and how it affects me.

sometimes i just get incredibly sad.

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of anankastic / obsessive-compulsive PD in my life

see similar post for schizoid PD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Disclaimer: I am going to combine DSM V and ICD10 criteria, and omit those that do not apply to me

Using DSM V + ICD10 criteria for OCPD that are relevant to me:

1/ A preoccupation with order and details that results in the person missing the point of an activity / Perfectionism that hinders the completion of tasks

This manifests in a very classic way for me. I get overfocused on aligning shapes in my presentations instead of focusing on, well, the goal of the presentation. I get fixated on trying to undestand everything in my classes/courses - instead of seeing what the entire course is trying to teach me, I get anxious and feel like a failure for not understaning one concept. It prevents me from moving on and trusting the process.

A big one that deserves it's own point is when I am organising things. I organise everything in my life, and I get into those organisation obsessions. When I am in one, it's all I can think of. How to put those notes in order, where to put this thing, how to create a system that makes perfect sense. Instead of recognising that the organisation part is supposed to help me with the things I am trying to organise, I get obsessed with the details of the organisation system itself.

2/ Undue preoccupation with productivity to the exclusion of pleasure and interpersonal relationships to an extent that is excessive and not explained by economic needs

Very much connected to 3/ for me, more on that there.

When I was still in school, the feeling of obligation was overwhelming. I can't quite even find the words to describe the extent of this feeling. I neglected everything, literally everything to do schoolwork. Sleep, relationships, family, my health, just because I felt this enormous pressure that Have To. I refused to meet with friends, or to watch movies with family, or to do anything fun, or to even go to the doctors because I had homwork, or an exam. And I know everyone does that from time to time, but the frequency and intensity is what made it dysfunctional. Also, as it turns out, it only caused me more harm than good - me getting a good grade 5 years ago absolutely doesn't mean anything anymore now. And me not making any long-lasting relationships? Absolutely does affect me to this day. My priorities were not serving me.

Now I don't have this singular intense big obligation that school was for me, but I still am rather obsessive about trying to gain skills that would make me employable / not useless. Granted, I am failing miserably at that, but it is my main focus. And I still neglect other things and relationships because of work or some other task I deemed an Obligation. I literally work full-time and then study part-time on the weekeds, I don't think I would do that if I cared about friendships or fun...

I can't allow myself to do anything fun / think about anything else when I have an Obligation planned. And it doesn't have to be anything big - even when I Have To buy someone a gift, I will not fully relax as long as I fulfill the obligation. Which is stupid, because there are always things to be done, so I am permanently stuck in this.

And all of the above is so irrational... Like I come from a relatively well-off family. I have had a full time job for a year now, with permanent contract. And yet, I still feel this sense of Danger and that I Have To do all the things, like work and studying, to make sure I don't die (it feels like I will die if I stop).

3/ Reluctance to spend money on oneself or others and a belief that money should be hoarded for emergencies

The motivation for all from point 2/ always has been fear of spending money, fear of being useless, fear of not having the skills for people to employ me and ultimately fear of ending up homeless. I was thinking of this even when I was like 13yo learning geography. I don't know how normal that is. So, I have always saved up as much as I can, to have the money when something bad happens. I am saying when, and not if, because it feels inevitable.

Everything costs money, and when I am afraid of spending it it affects so many aspects of life. I don't go to fun events for which you have to pay. I feel bad going out for dinner with friends, so I isolate instead. I don't buy clothes unless the ones I have are absolutely unwearable. I postpone going to the doctors, or getting tests done when I have to pay. I feel bad even bying basic groceries.

This is a big factor contributning of me not going to therapy, because it's expensive.

I also feel even more guilty when other people spend money on me. Like, I absolutely don't have to work actually, my parents could pay for my university. But it feels too wrong. I can't. I physically can't allow them to.

4/ Reluctance to delegate tasks to or work with others unless things are done his or her way

Pretty related to 1/. Other people just don't care about the details, or doing things right as much as I do (which actually, good for them because I am the one in the wrong, but I can't help it). I hated group assignments in school because of this. And then I would put too much effort into a stupid project that ultimately meant nothing, and so the cycle continues.

On the flip side, it makes me refrain from tasks, jobs or even basic activities which involve other people, because I know I will suffer with trying to ignore the "imperfections", or they will suffer if I nag them about them. So it may be limiting in terms of what I take on. Like not choosing work that I would maybe like / benefit from because it involves groupwork. And let's be honest, in today's complicated world there aren't many things you can do completely alone. All big, important projects involve cooperation.

5/ Excessive conscientiousness and infexibility related to morality or values (not explained by one's culture or religion)

The main value I hold in my life is to cause as little harm as possible. And you know what is the easiest way to cause as little harm as possible? To do as little as possible. I try to not consume much. I isolate because I don't want to hurt anyone with my broken brain. I chose the line of work and study not because I truly want to do them, but because they are viewed as more useful/benefitial than what maybe I would have chosen otherwise. I don't want to be a waste, and a burden.

I also hold some other tangentially related philosophical beliefs, that most likely don't serve me, but they feel too right for me at the moment. To name a few: antinatalism, nihilism, atheism, pessimism (in the philosophical sense). I like to think I could become convinced otherwise, but that I just haven't heard good counterarguments, but I don't know. Some poeple have said to me that I am just stubborn and refuse to listen, so maybe it is my infexlibility and not the weakness of the arguments.

6/ Feelings of excessive doubt and caution

The thing that have defined my life since I can remember is this feeling that the world is a dangerous place. That I am unwanted here and that I have to prove that I deserve to stay. That I have to make the right choices, and be cautious to avoid pain.

It's hard to find specific examples, because it's something so ingrained I can't imagine how I would act otherwise? But even such things as avoiding going out at dark (impossible to do 100% of the time) that made me miss out on fun or important things. I never trust people fully, especially that they will fulfill their obligations to me. I never trust myself - that I deserve to be where I am, and I always feel at danger of getting kicked out of places. I don't trust strangers on the streets to even not attack me, even though it never happened? I could go on and on. I just have this feeling that I always have to watch myself, and my steps, and to prepare for the worst always.

7/ Intrusion of insistent and unwelcome thoughts or impulses

Probably a lot is covered in 6/ as well

I want to also mention my bfrb - skin picking. It's embarrasing to be honest. I pick everywhere, but especially on my shoulders to the point I look like I was burned. I like doing it, but I guess it is unwanted in the sense that I wish I didn't? I don't know, it's complicated.

I would also classify my obsessive need for organisation here. Like sometimes I wish I could just do something, instead of having this need to organise and plan everything neatly first.

For thoughts, it's pretty standard talk of not being enough, of not working hard enough, of comparing myself to others. I recently also started having flashbacks to random memories. I don't particularly want to think about the past anymore, and I wish they would stop.

I also get some thoughts that are like what many people think is going on in OCD - I get anxious about not locking the door, not turining off the oven, stuff like that. I do occasionally have to go back and check to calm myself, and even after I do I still think "but what if I didn't???". A big and constant one is thinking I lost/forgot my keys, wallet and phone all the time even though I am literally touching them in my pocket lmao. I don't think it's to the extent of a person with OCD though.

Fighting all of that just takes a lot of brainpower in my day-to-day, and that is pretty distressing itself because then I will spend my brainpower on thinking about how much brainpower I am using on those things? Ridiculous cirular thinking, that I am also experiencing in other aspects, but this post is long as it is.