#ans i doubt he said to an artist

[imperfection-in-one-human]

The odd one.

Tav x Everyone

Warnings: depressions ; self harming behaviour ; bad english ; bad written lol ; im not good at writing endings ngl ; self doubts ; thoughts about suicide and even mentions ; descriptions of wounds ; teeny tiny bit of fluff ; drama ; angst ; idk poly relationship?

Note: hello everyone who thinks this is gonna be good lol. Its just a little drabble i really wanted to write but thats like my first fic/drabble ever so please be kind :') still i hope you enjoy that small thingy. Also i used they/them as tavs pronouns and theres no specific description to their look. Also there might be typos etc. English is not my native language!

If someone has to describe tav than they would probably take the word "odd". Odd because they were so clumsy that it was nothing new when they tripped over their own feet or stumble right into a trap, indicators where most started to think that they're absolutely not capable of fighting or at least not being good at it. Most would think that they're just gonna stumble into sword, or spells, and call it a day. But, much to everyones suprises, it wasnt like that. Tav was rather good at slaying things, beheading goblins or punch someone so hard that they're loosing foot - they were even good at taking hits until their nose run bloody and their lips were chapped, even bruised. The description of "odd' was perfect for them and still, it seems that there were even more things about them that made them so weird. Not only had they a habit of not treating their wounds probably, no, they also tried to downplay them and saying that they are not as bad as you think it is. Even when shadowheart tried to heal a claffing wound on their arm they just tried to get away from her healing spell - something about "dont waste it in me shadowheart, keep it until someone really needs it. Wyll got wounded too". It was weird but no one really questioned it, they shoved it onto the fact that tav was indeed a very selfless person. Always trying to do something good or even trying to give most of their being to people so that they didnt have to suffer - may it be a healing potion, a weapon or even the safe space behind a wall. Tav would always give up things like that, taking hits for every companion they got ans smile at them afterwards with reassuring words because "it doesnt hurt that much! Dont you worry!"

It was only time later when they found out the truth and its all because of that artist. Someone who they thought they're never gonna see ever again but here he was with a ghost in front of him and said ghost was just so mad at him that everyone was ready again to fight but instead they got to hear the whole story and when the ghost said why she was dead tavs eyes got dull for a second.

A second where it felt as if the ocean crashed right onto them, waves of unspoken sadness and a hidden longing no one wanted a admit, tidal waves who threaten to consume every last single bit of them, swallowing them whole and keeping them right into their embrace. It was as if someone spoke the right words for a curse to be lifted, a lingering curse everyone knew that it existed but no one wanted to admit. It was only then where everyone kind of knew why tav did things the way they did, why they never quite let their wounds heal or reopening them again in a battle. Why they never quite cared enough about themself to even try to heal anything about them. Why they never really took onto the pretty words everyone said to them in and out of camp, why they shied away from any ounce of love even though every single one loved them with such a burning passion that it would burn them and they would happily accept it. They would love to crumble under that heat and still they never really got it, of course they exchanged small little affecrionate gestures like hugs, cuddles or kisses on the cheek but it never seemed to go further than that. They knew that their tav was in shatters and pieces, still they tried to but them back together.. it just seemed that they never quite made it. As if it they were million miles away even though tav was right infront of them. Still that didnt stopped any of them to express their love for their leader, there was still hope that one day they would get into that broken little heart. Maybe they just needed time? Maybe love wouldnt heal them completely?

Maybe everything came into a full picture right here and then even though it was just a small second. After that incident everyone went back to camp where the inevitable came - all of them wanted to know what was going on but no one really dared to ask. It was such a delicate topic, they were scared that their beloved leader would built up even more walls, what they didnt know was the fact how much tavs heart ached - how much they yearned for the love they could have and even the relationship what was right infront of them. The only thing holding them back was fear. Fear that every single of them would see them as they see themself. That they would leave them with their heart in their hands and crush it like fallen leaves from a tree. They were so love and touched starved sometimes it felt like they were going crazy! They wanted all of this to be real and still there was a small voice in their heads telling them that they deserved none of this, that they are not important enough that someone would even care when they were gone. Just died in a battle or got swept away from the absolute. That all of them just love them because they were travelling together and as soon as the journey ends they going seperate ways. Astarion would live the life he wanted, karlach would get her own small home again, laezel fullfilling her wish of ascending, wyll roaming the coast, gale going back to tara and his tower, shadowheart living with her parents and halsin going back into the shadowlands so he can be with his old and beloved friend. That sounded real. That sounded like it would happen and not their little dream of living with them until death itselfs collects them. Still.. they dreamed about that little fantasy everyday, selfishly wanting that and nothing more. Just living in peace with every person they love.. then why does their heart hurt so much as soon as they're showing love for them? Is it too good to be true? Were they scared? Probably everything of the above.

So they really needed to talk to them all of them. And they're gonna do that, letting all of them into that broken heart of theirs and allowing themself to be happy?

... maybe if they let a little bit of sunshine into their pierced heart they may allow themself to dream a little longer with the. To accept the love they wanted to give. Maybe it wasnt such a bad wish after all?

[shayberri789]

(Maybe?) Headcanon

Ronan lynch can draw. And do it well

[my-tony-stark-drawings]

CHAP 5 🎄 CHRISTMAS (end)

You decide to take the evening before christams for the two of you while Happy takes care of the child.

Tony is dressed in a beautiful navy blue suit with a bow tie and you in a chic little red dress.

You walk under the snow hand in hand. You cross the different small and big streets of the viallage at night, and go through the Christmas market. There were illuminations everywhere, a big christmas tree who sintillates, Christmas carols echoing everywhere, and it smelled like marshmallow

Everything was so romantic that it almost seemed like a dream.

You walk and stroll around, talking about everything and nothing, just enjoying the moment and the presence of the other. Now, nothing in the world existed but the two of you, in this magical place.

You're just so happy.

"Thank you for existing" you end up telling Tony suddenly while you are eating cotton candy.

You look at him with eyes full of love and Tony smiles. "You really love me, don't you?"

"Did you doubt it?" You tell him before you hold him close.

A few hours get by in this dream.

"We have to go home, our guests are about to arrive." You smiled and said to him as you walked through the park.

"Our guests?" Tony asked, frowning. You nodded. You knew Tony would be happy if he saw his friends for a Christmas party so you asked Rhodey, Peter Parker, Bruce Banner and Harley Kenner to come over.

Of course, they all agreed.

Just at that moment bells were ringing in the street ans carriage came into the driveway and stopped in front of you.

You looked at Tony surprised.

"You're not the only one who makes surprise" smirk Tony. "Do you think our guests will be able to wait a little longer?"

"Of course!" You said as you took the hand of Tony who helped you into the carriage.

A little later you are back at the cottage.

You have a very nice evening around wine, all kinds of cakes, cookies and chocolate, filled with anecdotes and laughter.

Tony felt so good. Far away from the problems he had to deal with before, surrounded by the people he loves and cares about. Close to his wife and his little angel.

He looked at you smiling with his beautiful eyes and you understood everything they meant.

When it was time to say goodbye to the guest Tony pulled you by the hand to bring you close to him. "Come here" He points at the ceiling with his finger and you look up to find a strand of mistletoe above your head.

"I'm not sure Miss Y/L/N, but I think something is supposed to happen when two lovers meet under the mistletoe.." Tony tease.

"I think I know what..." you cut him off by kissing him tenderly.

The kiss went on as he puts his hands on your hips and holds you tight against him, under the applause and cheer of the guests who had not yet left.

Once everyone had left, you took care of each other after this very long day. You go to join your child, and Tony reads them a story about Santa Claus. Once in your bed you sit behind him and give him a massage and then Tony brushes your hair before you fall asleep more in love than ever.

The first rays of the sun enter the room and wake you up.

"Merry Christmas baby" you say to Tony, covering him with kisses to wake him up.

"Merry Christmas!" Tony smiles and holds you close to him.

The calm lasted for a few moments until your child entered the room and climbed onto the bed shouting "It's Christmas! It's Christmas!"

You descend stairs at full speed to arrive in front of the big tree where there are now beautiful gifts of all colors at the feet.

First the little one opens their presents and Tony can't help but smile, too happy to see the happiness in his child's eyes as he holds you tenderly in his arms.

Then came the time when you and Tony give each other your presents. He had given you a necklace with your names engraved on it, and a kind of watch that allowed you to see pictures of your family in hologram whenever you wanted.

And you had given him a painting of your family made by his favorite artist and an alpaca plush that you had found too cute and that you had chosen with your child in one of the stores in the village.

Because "daddy loves alpacas!" as your child had said.

Tony had tears in his eyes at all this attention.

"Thank you for everything" he whispered to you.

You turn to face him and kiss him. "No, thank YOU!"

~~ The end ~~

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

please sign the petition to bring tony back thanks ^^

[kookieskiwi]

Hi kookieskiwi Im a fan of your works 💜💜. Is the request open? If it is a yes can I request Idol Au + "Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?". Im sorry this is first time I ask request. If it is not burden you can I ask more request? Sorry for being awkward 😭

(Thank you for being a fan 🥺 and requests are always open with me ❤️ don’t be sorry at all, me myself I’ve never asked for a request bc I’m too nervous so you’re braver than myself 💜 writing what y’all want is never a burden to me, it may take a few days but I will ALWAYS do it, and you aren’t awkward at all. In fact your really cute lol ☺️🌱) (there’s not that much dialogue in here but I think it’s okay)

Song mentioned is Human by Christina Perry

-

Being an idol wasn’t easy especially for a foreigner like yourself. You had to fight tremendously hard for your place and even then you weren’t widely accepted amongst other idols. When you signed with BigHit 12 years ago you had spent six of those years in training in order to make it in this cruel world of perfection.

The hate started when you had first debuted under the company which was right around when BTS was rising in fame all over the world. Before that you had gotten some media coverage but the only claims were that you were a makeup artist or staff member. But when it was announced that you were among a solo debut as the first female artist under their company things went two ways. There were people who supported you from the beginning and then there were those who absolutely despised you. BTS and a majority of their fans were part of the long list which included other idol groups and their fan bases.

What confused you the most was the fact that you had done absolutely nothing to any of them, you hadn’t even come out to say anything about yourself. You hadn’t given them a reason to hate you but they still found the smallest things to make you break down. The BTS members themselves wouldn’t speak to you but they’d glare at you, leave the room if you entered or refuse to enter if you were there.

It hurt but the hate only became more of a reason for you to push yourself and make them see who you really were. When BTS hit their peak of success their actions towards you has simmered down, they were simply too busy to care anymore. However there were idols and idol groups that absolutely loved you like: TXT, IU, Mamamoo, Eric Nam, Amber Liu, Taemin, Sunmi and KARD.

Not being completely hated and alone gave you a better feeling but the hate still got to you. Over the years you had grown your own fan base and gotten support from many companies that asked you to model for them. You weren’t as famous as BTS and you knew you’d never be but you were inching closer which they ans everyone else saw.

Bang PD was your number one supporter throughout the whole thing although he mentioned nothing to BTS to stop their anger towards you. That was completely fine with you, you were all adults and you could handle things on your own.

You grew your career by being your true self when even when the cameras were pointed at you. At your concerts you always made sure there was indifference between your fans. You’d proudly bring out a pride flag to spend a portion of your concerts thanking all those who were part of the community or being brave. The first time you had done that media outlets raced to ask you why you did, many claimed it to be an act for clout but you set those rumors straight very quickly.

“No, I’m not like other idols who want clout. I’m perfectly fine with losing or gaining fans with my actions no matter what they may be. I brought out the Pride Flag because in the world there is so much debate about love, sexual orientation and gender equality. Love isn’t a political debate it’s a human emotion, a pure one at that which I believe should be expressed however it may be and whoever it may be with. I will never discriminate anyone based on their personal decisions, you do you boo. It’s your body, your life so it must be your choice how you live it.” You answered matter of factly shocking everyone in the room including the interviewer and crew.

Since then you’ve had many more supporters and you’ve even used half of the concert funds to donate to several different charities for minorities of all kinds whether it be race, sexuality or victims of anything. A week ago you had won ‘Best Breakthrough Artist’ ‘Activist of the Year’ and ‘Inspiring Artist Award’ at the MAMA. You had also performed a solo song which you had been saving to slap ever Jeon in the face metaphorically.

Your song ‘Human’ which you preformed hit the top of the charts worldwide. It was about everyone who doubted you, who hated you for no reason, to everyone who was now your fan.

-

The next day you were back in your studio hard at work ignoring all the news articles, twitter feeds and conspiracy theories about you. Your new album which featured ‘Human’ was set to be released in a month so you were finishing up some last minute vocals and tracks before you headed over to the dance studio to practice your choreography.

Suddenly a knock at your studio door drew you from the depths of your focus. “Come in.” You said in a monotone reverting your focus back to the screen in front of you. You could hear the door open followed by several sets of footsteps before the door clicking closed shortly after.

“Y/n.” The the voice called, at the recognition of who the owner of that deep, sophisticated voice you froze instantly in fear. Slowly you turned to face him only to see all seven of them standing before you in your large studio. They were dressed casually but not slobby in stylish outfits mainly from designer brands so I guess it was the sloppiest you could get with Gucci on.

“What- what are you guys doing here?” You asked cautiously trying to avoid eye contact with all of them but it seemed to be getting harder and harder the longer they stood there. “We were about to get lunch and we were wondering if you wanted to come along?” Hoseok asked stumbling over his words slightly. You tilted your head in utter confusion, was this a joke? You’d never spoke to them much less eaten with them. “Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?” You questioned narrowing your eyes in suspicion at their actions. Why now? Was it because of your song? Did they finally get the massage after all these years?

“We- we wanted to apologize for how we’ve treated you. It was unprofessional and childish to do what we did and we cannot be sorry enough.” Jin explained bowing head in sorrow making the rest follow in suit. They were what now? Apologizing!? Your head spun a million miles an hour trying to come up with a valid response to their sudden apology.

“I have to agree, I gave you and all the other’s no reason to hate me. I never understood why or what I had done and I’m not going to lie, you guys were totally assholes.” You smiled at the end of your statement before continuing, “when your fans saw your dislike for me they too started hating me which took a toll on me. But the past is in the past, I’ll be willing to start over if you explain to them why you did it and that you came to me, not the other way around.”

“Oh my, y/n of course we will. I, we, are so sorry about everything and the truth is, we were terrified that you’d get the fame we had worked for since you signed under this company. It was an irrational fear that we shouldn’t have assumed from you, we are so sorry.” Taehyung said opening his arms hopefully. You smiled arising from your chair to enter his arms, the feeling you had longed for for so long was finally felt. One by one the others joined the hug, Jimin having to pull Yoongi in since he was still standing on the sidelines. It felt so nice to finally have a burden let off your chest, you knew why they did it and you could see why too. You would’ve done it too, maybe not for that long and not to the extreme, but you would’ve done it.

“I forgave you guys the second you entered my studio.”

[artistic-writer]

Love Finds a Way :: CS Jurassic World AU :: Ch 8

Title: Love Finds a Way by @artistic-writer

Summary: Emma Swan is the Head of Operations for David Nolan’s exotic adventure park, Jurassic World.  She has a son, Henry, and is loved and respected by her colleagues. Her life was perfect until a new dinosaur the park created, Indominus Rex, decided to escape.  Oh, and her one night stand, Killian Jones - he’s there to help contain the asset. Just to complicate things even more.  Jurassic World AU.

Rating: M (for people getting eaten)

Also on: AO3 - FF

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRYSTAL! I hope you like this little bit of excitement and accept it as my gift to you on this glorious celebration of your birth! Welcome to 21 again! ;) And thank you to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for your eyes <3

Taglist: @hollyethecurious​ @kmomof4​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @cocohook38​ @sherlockianwhovian​ @wordsmith-storyweaver​@winterbaby89​ @kymbersmith-90​  @killianmesmalls​ @killian-whump​ @nonnyj @jennjenn615​   @thislassishooked @searchingwardrobes​ @doodlelolly0910​ @cs-forlife​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @mariakov81​ @xemmaloveskillianx​

Please show your appreciation for my writing and artwork by buying me a Ko-fi.  If you are unable to do that, then please enjoy it and show your appreciation with a reblog. Or leave me a comment, i’m a sucker for that.  Any feedback welcome :D

——————————————————————————————

“Emma, should we talk about this?” Killian finally broke the silence between them as they headed towards the raptor compound.

“About what?” Emma asked dumbly as she stared out the window into nothing but rolling green fields. “We kissed,” she shrugged.

“Aye, we kissed, and then you said ‘we’,” Killian clarified. He took his eyes off the road for a second to stare at her profile. “‘We’,” he repeated a little louder in the hopes she would look at him.

“Did I?” Emma turned to him, finally, a smirk playing on her lips.

Killian knew she was teasing him as soon as he saw her eyes, still a little wide from arousal and excitement, her lips slightly plumper than before as they framed her teeth in a grin. He had been holding his breath and without even realising it, he exhaled hard in relief, loosening his vice like grip on the steering wheel. If he still had any doubt it was all washed away when Emma reached across the centre console and rested her hand on his thigh, brushing her fingers over the fabric of his jeans.

“I said we can wait,” Emma smiled softly but with a more assertive tone. “I’m sorry, but my priority is Henry right now.”

“Of course,” Killian agreed. He dropped one hand from the wheel and laid it over hers, curling his fingers around hers and giving the digits a little squeeze. “Did Liam say if he was alright?”

“God, no, what if he is hurt?” Emma suddenly panicked. “I didn’t hear his voice. What if he,-”

“He’s not hurt,” Killian assured her, squeezing her hand again. “I promise you he’s not hurt.”

“You saw that Gyrosphere,” Emma snapped. “And Graham’s…”

“Hey, love, stop that now,” Killian soothed, releasing her hand and putting both of his back on the wheel. “Liam said he was safe and besides,” Killian said quickly, leaning forward to inspect the imposing concrete wall that loomed in front of them. “We’re about to find out for ourselves.”

Without even knowing it, Emma and Killian followed the exact same road up to the raptors compound that Henry had taken. The two roads intersected not far from where they had found the Gyrosphere and it seemed that not many people had taken notice of the old road in such a long time it had been thoroughly overgrown until Henry had plowed his Jeep through the tree covered gates. As soon as he arrived at the compound, Henry had drawn a detailed map for security who had resecured the gate following Liam’s orders in an attempt to minimise any more assets escaping.

Guards already had the gate open when they saw Killian’s vehicle approaching, but it hadn’t even come to a full stop before Emma was jumping out of the passenger seat and rushing for her son when she spied him across the courtyard. He was standing next to Liam, who looked up when he heard the vehicle’s engine and the crunch of gravel under tyres, but he had no time to announce their arrival before Henry was taking off towards it.

“Henry!” Emma shouted as she ran towards her son across the gravel, her heels catching in the stones and twisting her ankle sideways. She ignored the misstep, thighs burning with exertion as she propelled herself towards her son, nothing able to stop her, least of all the warm breeze as it whipped at her face.

“Mom!” Henry cried out, rushing towards her with twice as many steps, his little legs working faster than they ever had, arms outstretched in readiness to embrace the one person he wanted more than anyone else in the entire world.

When their bodies collided, Henry knocked all of the air out of Emma’s lungs with the energy at which he jumped into her arms and trapped her waist with his legs. She had to swing around to compensate for the force, arms wrapping around the boy so tightly she didn’t realise at first that she might be squeezing him a little too hard. Henry wriggled after a few minutes of Emma combing her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, a hefty sigh audible to all of the crew currently working in the compound when she got a whiff of his scent from his hair.

“Oh, Henry,” Emma apologised quickly, setting the boy back to the ground. Her hands continued to roam over him beginning on his head where she even looked behind his ears. “Are you hurt?” She fussed, pulling the cartilage forward and noticing a few scraps down his neck.

“Mom,” Henry groaned, trying to move his head out of her reach. Emma ruffled the hair that had fallen over his forehead, exposing another long slice along his eyebrow that had sealed itself shut with some caked on mud. “Mom, I’m fine.”

“Just let me look at you,” Emma told him, her voice trying to sound calm but the quake in her words giving away her anxiety. She and Killian had come close to the Indominus Rex, but as the crushed glass sphere and Graham’s leg had attested, Henry may have come closer. “Just quickly,” Emma promised, dropping to her knees and running her hands over Henry’s torso.

“He’s alright, aren’t you, Henry?” Killian announced a little louder than he should have from behind her. When Henry spied him over his mother’s shoulder he grinned, pleased to see his friend. Killian gave him a wink and a sideways smirk. “Let the lad be.”

“I’m okay, mom,” Henry told her, catching her eye when she looked back to her. He gave her a boyish smile, one of his chubby cheeks painted with yet more scabbing. Emma ran her thumb over it, softly so she didn’t hurt him but so that he knew she cared more than she had done over the past few years.

“I’m sorry about Graham,” Killian offered Henry with a look cast down to his boots as they scuffed at the stones under his feet. He knew Emma wouldn’t know how to approach the subject, and they never had to tell Henry the gory details of what they had found, but when the boy gave him a small nod, wise beyond his years, Killian returned the gesture.

“I should never have let Graham takes us off the track in the Gyrosphere,” Henry said solemnly, lowering his head. “I knew we would get in trouble.”

“Not your fault,” Emma told him sternly, cupping his face in her hands and lifting his watery gaze to hers. “You hear me? No one is in trouble.”

“Your mother is right,” Killian told him, stepping closer and laying one hand on the young boy’s shoulder. “This isn’t anyone’s fault.”

“Did you see that dinosaur?” Henry asked Killian with a hint of fear still lingering in his voice. “It was so big, like no dinosaur I’ve ever seen. What was it?”

Emma got to her feet and looked at Killian, silently pleading with him to not tell her son what the Indominus was, or what had gone wrong, and most definitely not how she had been responsible for almost getting him eaten by it. Killian sucked in a breath, trying to buy himself some time to think of an answer that might sate Henry’s inquisition but not also terrify him enough to give him nightmares for the rest of his life. Although, Killian wasn’t sure that damage hadn’t already been done.

--

“So, it escaped?” Henry inquired, leaning forward from the back seat of the vehicle they currently all occupied.

Emma had insisted on heading back to the comms centre, to what end Killian wasn’t sure, but she was convinced that it was the safest place on the island. “Kind of,” Killian offered with a thought.

“And it can camouflage? Like a chameleon?” Henry peppered the question at no one in particular and Emma and Killian shared a look. They had told him the jist of the general story, leaving out all of the ACU carnage, but true to his nature, Henry was hungry for more knowledge.

“Sort of,” Emma replied, seeing the disappointed look in his eyes from the rearview mirror.

“She clawed out her own tracking chip too,” Killian told him as he shifted down a gear to ascend a particularly steep hill on the road back to the comms.

“Why are you impressed with that?” Emma asked him in a hushed voice with a narrowed stare.

“It means she is clever,” Henry told her before Killian had time to answer. “Dinosaurs are not known for their brains.”

“Exactly!” Killian agreed, even if he didn’t totally agree with the thought process of a ten year old. The Indominus wasn’t doing anything out of malice, or because she was trying to get back at the human population of the island. She was simply trying to find where she fits into an already complicated food chain, further intricate by her very existence.

Emma glared at him. “God, I am so fired.” Killian had no time to respond before Emma’s phone rang again, her heart jumping into her mouth. She fumbled with the device before realising it was Ruby on her caller ID, probably with even more bad news that she was sure could wait until she reached the comms centre. They were already halfway there but nevertheless, Emma answered after a sigh.

“Ruby, I’m on my way back to the comms room,-”

“That’s a bad idea,” Ruby whispered, her voice muffled under her palm she was using to conceal her cell phone.

“What? What’s going on?” Emma demanded

“Walsh is what’s going on,” Ruby growled. “He’s taken over, had David escorted out by security, and In-Gen is taking over emergency ops.”

“What the fu,-”

“Emma, listen,” Ruby shuffled further into the corner she was hiding in when one of In-Gen’s men swept by her with some more equipment. “He has this insane plan to use the raptors to hunt the Indominus.”

“What do you mean, ‘use the raptors’?” Emma repeated with a frown, one finger in her ear as she struggled to hear over the sound of the tyres on the off-road terrain.

“Son of a bitch,” Killian muttered, overhearing Emma’s exclamation and slamming on the brakes and stopping Henry from flying forward with am arm across the gap between the seats.

“You shouldn’t swear,” Henry told him but before Killian could scold him for not wearing a belt, his words were almost drowned out by the sound of helicopters overhead.

They all looked up, military helicopters thundering across the sky. Killian tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his jaw muscles ticking with the mere thought of Walsh touching his raptors. Killian wasn’t an idiot. He knew that he was expendable to In-Gen’s research. All they needed was to see one successful run of raptors obeying commands for them to think it was a good idea to release them, and Killian had already shown them that.

“He’s heading to them now,” Ruby told her in a low voice. “Tell Killian-,”

“I heard you, lass. Fucking Walsh,” Killian growled louder than usual so Ruby could hear him.

“You shouldn’t say fuck,” Henry muttered.

Yanking the gear stick into reverse, Killian peered over his shoulder and gave Henry a look, nodding towards the seatbelt he should have already been wearing. “Seatbelt, Henry,” he scolded gently as the red faced boy scrambled to secure his belt. “And hold on.”

--

Walsh had done it. He had successfully acquired the ability to control people, and all it had taken was a little hot headedness a the hands of David Nolan. For years he had played the underdog, skulking around in the shadows of others, gaining repute as high as his status would allow. When the Jurassic World gig had come up, not many people put their names forward to go and work on the island, but Walsh had not faltered where others had, signing up and flashing his passport to the nearest superior.

He wasn’t going to lie, he had thought it would have been much harder than it actually was to get someone as influential as David Nolan to lose their temper. Normally a man of resolve, Nolan had cracked way earlier than Walsh had anticipated. His jaw hurt but it had been worth it. All it had taken was a little jab here, and a little nudge there, combined with a slight towards a woman who David obviously held feelings for, before the Mughal had toppled.

The days had been long, the nights no cooler than those days, but Walsh was finally where he wanted to be. A little bit of small print said that in the event of a massive security risk that was unable to be contained by the in house security teams, In-Gen officials would be assigned to minimise the risk to life by, and here is the important part, any means necessary. As far as Walsh was concerned, four apex predators loose on an island where the majority of the human population was already contained in one place was a risk he was willing to take.

Who knows? He might just be the next big news story.

Walking along the line of raptors, all four of them enclosed in their huge metal muzzles, made him feel big. They were in his control now. So what if he needed Jones to instruct them. Walsh would credit the man, in tiny writing underneath a photograph of himself with the beasts, preferably one where Jones had been cropped out due to a misprint in the scientific journal he was sure his decision would make.

His team were busy fixing cameras to the reptiles, the headband on all of them as tight as they could make them in order to stop them losing the expensive equipment. One mercenary, dressed heel to toe in black, operated the tablet like device that offered a live view of what the raptors were seeing, whilst the other fiddled rather nervously with the optics. Walsh managed to walk past two raptors before the one they called Delta began growling, almost dog-like at his approach, so he stopped with a smug grin.

“Hey! Hey!” Walsh crouched to eye level with the raptor, ignoring her snarls as he snapped his fingers to get her attention. “Right here,” he yelled in her enclosed face. The mercenary beside Delta snorted a laugh and turned the tablet he was holding around until Walsh could see himself on the screen. His maw stretched with glee at the sight and he turned back to the cat eyed reptilian. “Yeah, right here.”

“She looks at what she wants,” Liam told Walsh as he came up behind him. The man didn’t even turn away from taunting the raptor and Liam shook his head with a grin. “It’s usually what she wants to eat.”

Walsh didn’t have time to retort as he watched the curl of the raptor’s lips, her jaw muscles twitching in its cage before they both heard the sound of a vehicle approaching. Whoever was driving had their foot to the floor, the engine screaming out for a gear change, and when Walsh stood upright to see what the commotion was, he spotted Killian behind the wheel. The vehicle splashed through a puddle, obscuring the driver’s view, but Walsh could still see the contempt in Killian’s eyes as the car ground to a stop with a screech of its brakes.

“Oh good,” Walsh sneered, planting his hands on his hips. “Daddy’s home.”

“Let me handle this,” Killian snarled as he pushed the door open. He hadn't even let the car stop fully before he threw himself out of the cab and stalked towards Walsh, leaving his door open and the engine still running.

“I don’t think so,” Emma snorted, hopping out of the vehicle after him. She slammed her door and shot Henry a look which he knew meant he was to remain still and where she could see him.

“Jones, finally-,” Walsh began with a toothy grin.

Killian strode forward, angered even more by the smirk on Walsh’s cocky son-of-a-bitch face, and pulled back his arm ready to strike. Walsh had no time to register what was coming before Killian’s balled fist connected with his nose, splitting the skin there straight down the bridge of his nose, reopening the blood vessels inside that hadn’t fully healed from Nolan’s punch.

“Get the hell out of here, and stay away from my animals.” Killian was livid, his hand flexing at his side from the impact with Walsh’s bones, his knuckles instantly hot from the punch that hadn’t, thankfully, opened any of his own skin. Walsh stumbled backwards, only just stopping himself from falling into the wet dirt, both hands clutching his nose as he let out a cry of anguish.

“Walsh, you wanted this to happen, you son of a bitch,” Emma added to Killian’s threat, standing slightly forward of him in case she needed to separate them.

“Oh, Christ,” Walsh scoffed at them both, rubbing the side of his jaw. “How many more people have to die before this mission starts to make sense to you, huh?”

“It’s not a mission,” Killian growled through clenched teeth.

“It’s a field test,” Liam finished for him, appearing beside Emma.

“You’re both wrong,” Walsh snapped, looking between them before focusing his attention of Emma. “This is an In-Gen operation now.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Please.”

“There are going to be cruise ships to get everyone off this island at first light. You’re all going to watch the news tomorrow and it’s going to say how you all saved lives, no no, better yet.” Walsh took a breath, his cheeks rubying from anger, and took a step towards Killian. “About how your animals saved lives.”

Killian didn’t care about the news, and he didn’t care about Walsh, but what he did care about was the thousands of people potentially at risk on the island. He didn’t know where David was being held, but there was no way that he could get to him and stop Walsh from executing his diabolical plan in time. Walsh was a fool, but maybe Killian was even more of a fool for thinking that training dinosaurs to obey commands in isolation was In-Gen’s only end game from their field testing. The idea to release them was ludacris, and with the Indominus heading straight for the main visitor’s centre, more people would die.

Killian looked toward Liam who gave a sigh and planted his hands firmly on his hips as he read his brother’s mind. “They’ve never been out of containment.”

“Aye,” Killian agreed.

“It’s madness!” Liam told him.

“Aye,” Killian nodded, looking down at his feet.

“This is happening with or without you, Jones,” Walsh spat. Killian looked up to meet his gaze and Walsh saw the muscles in his jaw tighten in frustration, but ultimate resolve in his eyes. “Good,” he smirked. “Let’s make a plan.”

--

For a team that was supposedly taking down an entire animal, the measly eight man team didn’t fill either Killian or Liam with much confidence. They had seen bigger teams defeated by this dinosaur. She was smart and she was ferocious, and they knew that she was learning by experience and adapting to compensate. There wasn’t much more they could try that would surprise her, but she needed to be stopped. Killian had faith in his raptors, even if he didn't have much in the gaggle of shaved heads and bushy beards in from of him.

“We know she is in sector five and heading towards the visitor’s centre,” he announced to the group. They were huddled around a huge desk, a map of the park spread out before them. Two corners were held by two of the men and two more had surrendered their weapons in order to weigh down the paper.

“This is a game we call hide and seek,” Liam told the room, standing arms crossed next to his brother. “It’s essentially a scenting exercise.”

“We’ve done it about a thousand times with these animals, so when they get on target, and they will,” Killian reiterated, eyeballing each man. “You must wait to engage.”

One of the In-Gen mercenaries snorted like he knew better, drawing both of their attention.

“Velociraptors are pack hunters,” Liam snapped. “They like to herd their prey into a kill zone, and when they do that, it will give us a clear shot.”

“Wait for my command before you fire,” Killian asserted. “And give her everything you have. We have one huge fucking target here, gentlemen,” he told them, locking eyes with each and every one of the scarred, battle worn men who thought they knew better. “Do not shoot my raptors.”

“Please,” Liam added quickly.

After the briefing, to give the men time to gear up, Killian walked out to the paddock where the raptors had already been prepped. He walked between them, sorrow and remorse on his face as he looked at each of them in the eye with a silent apology. Charlie, Delta and Echo got instantly excited at the sight of him, knowing that just like when they trained, Killian was the one who fed them at the end of a good exercise. Blue, on the other hand, began to claw at the wall behind her confines, and Killian wondered if she knew that this time things would be different.

“Easy, Blue,” Killian soothed his beta, the dinosaur clearly annoyed at being in her confines when she knew that being so meant a new hunt was about to begin. “Easy,” he whispered, his fingers bumping over the ridges of her skin in an attempt to calm her. Blue’s blinking went from rapid to slightly slower, barely noticeable to anyone else, but Killian saw her acceptance of his words. “There’s a good lass,” he smiled at her and Blue made the affectionate sound of chirping in her throat. “You don’t scare me,” he said softly, adjusting the camera angle of the raptor’s live cam.

“Killian?” Henry’s voice made him straighten up and spin around in the caged area he was in, a sudden panic that Henry might have followed him rushing through him. Henry was standing just outside the bars, dirt covered arms resting against the metal and a look of contemplation of his face. “Is this safe?” Henry nodded to Blue over Killian’s shoulder as he approached. “Setting them loose, I mean.”

Killian heaved a sigh. “No, it’s not.”

The look on Henry’s face made Killian rethink his words, or at least the way he had delivered them, but it was too late to take them back. The sight of the raptors clearly had a different effect on Henry now that he had come into close contact with the Indominus, something that Killian hadn’t failed to recognize. The lad had lost his zest for them, instead content to skulk behind barriers and at a more than safe distance whereas before he was less happy to do so.

“Listen, Henry,” Killian added gently as he let himself out of the compound and pulled the boy into his side as he walked away. “You and I both know this might not work,” he admitted. “Gods, you and I are probably the only people on the forsaken island who know this might not work.” Henry chuckled a little. “But I am going to do everything within my power to keep you safe.”

Henry stumbled a little, squashed so close to Killian, who held him up as they walked.

“What about my mom?” Henry asked shyly.

“I’ve arranged a safe place for you both, you just have to get there.” Killian nodded ahead to where an armoured vehicle was waiting. The huge, thick walled truck was similar to ones that were used to transport money, only this one was clearly used to island purposes now. Killian reached the doors and twisted the handle until the lock sprang free and released the almighty weight of the door. “You just have to drive there.”

Henry looked into the truck. It looked safe, clean and hardly used and as Killian lifted him up into it, the sounds from the mercenaries and world outside seemed to fade away with how thick the walls were. A toolbox at the end was handy as a makeshift seat, and Henry sat down after he had crawled his way to the very back of the truck, right next to a cab window where his mother would talk to him as she drove. A sudden screech from one of the raptors made Henry jump clean out of his skin, his whole body stiffening and his eyes going wide with sudden fear.

“Nothing’s getting in here, right, Killian?” He asked tentatively.

When the boy looked back to him, Killian saw real fear in his eyes, the whites pricked with red where he had obviously, at some point today, sustained a blow to the head. Or maybe it was when he had been thrown over a waterfall into a lagoon of unknown depth. Or maybe it had been when he was busy trying to repair a Jeep twice as old as he was to get back to his mother. To safety. The point was, Killian felt like the boy had already had his fair share of terrors for one day.

“Do you remember that time when you came to my trailer, and you thought there was a predator outside?” Henry’s silence prompted him further. “When you heard that noise from outside and was scared we were going to be eaten?”

“It was the generator,” Henry told him with a pout.

“Aye, it was, but I told you I would protect you.” Killian climbed up into the truck after him, kneeling down in front of the boy who was so busy studying his palms in his lap. “I protected you, right?”

“You mean, how you made a fort out of some pillows and told me that nothing would be able to penetrate the keep as long as I stayed inside,” Henry recalled.

“Aye, lad.” Killian’s lips twitched into a small smile at his own recollection of that incident, when, despite his young age, Henry had been babbling on with the sage of an old soul, until the very moment his generator had made a high pitched cry, just like a raptor, and Killian had remembered his true mentality, including all of the trepidation that comes with having such a young imagination. “See, nothing is going to get you whilst I’m around, alright?”

Henry’s smile faded and Killian wondered what he had said when the boy returned to studying his hands so intently. “But you’re not always going to be around,” Henry mumbled. “My mom-,”

“Yeah, well, leave your mother to me,” Killian said with a reassuring smile. “We’re friends, Henry, and we’ll always be friends, alright? Nothing is going to change that.”

The youngster took a second but finally looked up again when Killian patted him on the knee. “No matter what?” He asked quietly.

“No matter what,” Killian nodded.

Henry launched himself forward without warning, wrapping his arms around Killian and holding on like he might fall if he let go. Killian swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat, the compassion he felt for the boy more than anything he had ever felt for anyone he wasn’t related to. He smoothed his hands over Henry’s shirt, giving him a quick pat on the shoulders that indicated they should part, before ruffling the boy's hair in a final act of affection.

Hopping down out of the truck, Killian kept his smile until the huge doors locked back into place and he wasn’t so sure he would be able to keep his promise after all.

--

The raptors scuffled around in each of their boxes like hounds in a trap waiting for the bell. They snorted and sniffed through the door thick mesh grilling as Killian walked up and down the line of them holding out the chunk of flesh the Indominus Rex had clawed out of her own body. The tracking beacon was no longer working, but the skin and tissue around it held all the information the raptors would need to find their quarry, all of them already beginning their myriad of chirps and communicative noises they would need to hunt as a pack.

Flood lights on a pursuit vehicle behind them lit up with a buzz, both Jones brothers bathed in the iridescent white the spotlights provided as Killian made his way to the front of the entourage of vehicles. It wouldn’t help, because the second the doors were triggered and the raptors were released, only Killian would be able to keep pace on his motorbike. All of the other support vehicles, including his brother and second trainer, Liam, would fall behind because of the weight of their vehicles, and Killian would be alone.

“You ready, brother?” Killian shouted over the rumble of engines, giving his brother a look over his shoulder.

“No, are you?” Liam replied, giving his brother a nervous look, his hands gripping the handlebars of his quad bike tighter than he should be.

Killian just exhaled, his toes digging into the dirt beside his bike, feet barely touching the ground as the machine inched forward because he was holding the throttle so constantly tight. He watched his breath dance in front of his face, the island falling much cooler tonight than any other, but it would be no help with a cold blooded prey that could thermoregulate. Killian looked off to the left where the new boy who had almost been eaten was perched up high above the raptor boxes, thumb hovering over the warning and release buttons, waiting on the command.

Killian nodded and the warning button was pressed, a siren sounding that indicated the doors were about to open. Killian revved his bike a few times to flood his carburettor with more fuel to warm the engine, before he gave the boy another nod and the boy looked over the railing, nervously watching for the four beasts to emerge as he pressed the button. The doors all sprung open at the same time and the raptors flew out, barely visible in the darkness as they screeched like baying hounds who had just found the scent of a fox.

[noonaduck]

BTS - Sweet Dreams pt.5

Pairing: OT7 x reader Genre: Fantasy AU, fluff, smut(?), angst words: 2397 Summary: Eight dreams and eight powers, tied together. Would they fall or would they rise? Y/N had seen dreams about seven men as long as she could remember. Namjoon was a regular guy who worked in a small bookstore. Jin has finally reached his dream and opened his very own cafe. Yoongi was a heir with future which was already planned for him. Jimin and Hoseok were partners in everything what they did in their life. Jungkook was an artist with complicated past. Taehyung was a knot which bonded them all. Together they all were a circle with awakening powers. 4. < 5. > 6.

[gifs belongs to their rightful owners]

Y/N's Pov. Your heart was bounding in you ears and you felt nervous. You were in shady part of town, it was truly a place where you did not want be alone after dark. That's why you had asked your friend Cloe to tag along with you. She was one of few people that you called your friend. Cloe was wearing black mini-skirt and even tinier white top whit it. She had only short leather jacket top of her clothes even when it was freezing. Her blonde hair was at lose ponytail top of her head. Cloe was outgoing persona who was popular among many, she was opposite of yours in that way. You were wearing black skinny jeans and long sleeved red shirt with deep collar under your jacket. They did not let you in if you did not at least look little bit representative. You enjoyed spending time with handful of people at time where she looked for attention. Like the saying goes, opposites seems to attract each other.  You and Cloe were waiting for your turn on top of the stairs to get into underground  club named The Coffin. How fitting, for a club which was located in old abandoned subway tunnels, underground like where coffins are located. Do you get it? Okay, me neither. Line wasn't that long because the club did not seek for attention of  outsiders. Bouncer quickly checked you for any harmful things and took your money and then he let you in without a word. Whoever owned the place had made good work, you had at least admit that.  The old railway platform has gone through total makeover. When you stepped in  you could see the big dance floor and a stage in front of it. Bright strobe lights were flashing in same rhythm with the beat. The other side of subway tunnel was blocked, right behind the stage and the other side leaded deeper into maze of tunnels. You could also see the bar which was located in balcony which was surely built after the platform was abandoned. Old worker's locker room's were now owner's private space. You and Cloe left your jacket for a girl who was leaning on the counter with bored face. She was covered in tattoos and her left side of head was completely shaved of.  

''Y/N you looks so nervous, you need to loosen up.'' Cloe yells over the music. ''After all you were the one who wanted to come. Honestly I was surprised when you asked, usually I'm the one who has to drag you anywhere interesting. Still I'm happy that you asked me to come, after all I heard that Jimin and Hoseok are going to be here.'' She keeps rambling. You had asked Jungkook to meet you here, after all you wouldn't be the most suspicious looking people here. ''Who are Hoseok and Jimin?'' You ask confused. ''Oh, just pair of hotties. They compete often in dance battles, in fact they are going to take a part in one tonight.'' Cloe seems excited. ''Let's go to the bar.'' She continues and pulls you alongside of her.

No wonder that there was more people even than usual. You had totally forget the event because you had been so wrapped up in your mind. Cloe pushed trough the crowd of people and gets many annoyed stares. She did not care and smiles victoriously when she was able to reach the bar. You let Cloe order your drinks and followed her to free booth. When you were sitting on the booth you took deep breath. You were nervous and your hand shook when you took small sip from your drink. ''I haven't been totally honest why I wanted to come here tonight.'' You say with shaky voice. Cloe's face turned serious. ''Is something wrong? You know that you can always talk to me, right?'' She asks smiling compassionately. ''No, nothing is wrong. I'm here tonight to meet a guy.'' You admit. Her smile turns into wicked grin.'' Finally, I thought that you are going to spend your life as a hermit for rest of your life.'' Cloe has totally misunderstood you like you have hoped. ''Where is he?'' She asks interested and starts looking around like she could spot the guy in that way. ''He is on his way.'' You give a small smile. Brown haired male gets next to your table, his eyes on Cloe. ''Do you want to dance?'' He asks and flashes smile for her. Cloe seems happy for the attention from a good looking man but then her eyes turn serious. ''I don't really want to leave my friend alone.'' She sound defeated. ''No, you can go.'' You push her. It is actually a good opportunity to talk alone for Jungkook. ''Are you sure?'' She asks worriedly but still keeps scanning the man who is waiting patiently with her eyes. You nod for response. ''Well if you are sure, Let's go!'' She stands up and takes male's offered hand. ''If you need anything, come to find me.'' She winks before she disappears into crowd with the male. You are left alone when you feel buzzing in your pocket. You pick up your phone and see new message from Jungkook. JK: *I'm here.* You: *I'm at the booth close to the bar. I'm wearing red shirt and black pants. My hair is H/C. You will surely find me.* You put you phone on the table and took one big gulp from your drink. You are turning sweaty and nervous. You don't have to wait for long when dark haired man approach you. Your heart misses the beat. ''You.'' You both say at the same time. It feel's like everything that you have ever known has ripped away from you and new world is opened in front of your eyes. Jungkook sits stunned opposite of you. ''How this is possible?'' You ask with a weak voice. There, in front of you was a man from your dreams. He seemed to be as shocked as you are. His eyes are dialed and his mouth is hanging slightly open. He is wearing white button up t-shirt with ripped jeans. He is as good looking as you had imagined. ''I would ask the same.'' Jungkook says after he recovers. ''Perhaps I can explain.'' New voice says and you both turn surprised. Next to you table stands male with blonde hair and most beautiful face you have ever seen. Long cross is hanging from his left ear and he is wearing silky blue shirt with some bleached jeans. You know this man as well. You gasp and Jungkook makes some noise too. ''May I sit with you guys?'' He asks ans flashes awkward smile. You and Jungkook nod stunned and the man slips in the booth next to you. You can feel yourself heating up between two good looking man. You shake your head a little, its not time for a that. ''My name is Kim Taehyung and you two are part of my circle.'' He introduces himself. You and Jungkook look him confused. ''What I'm about to tell you might sound crazy, but I hope that you will listen to me till the end. You listen when he begins to speak and everything seemS to turn even crazier when time ticks by. * Seokjin's Pov.

''Are you sure that this is the right place?'' Jin asks from Namjoon scanning his surroundings with doubt. He had ended up with Namjoon in shady part of town where he has never set his foot before. He never had to. ''I'm sure.'' Namjoon sighs and rereads the paper in his hands. Few days ago he had got strange letter into his mail box. There was no senders name and all what it said was, 'If you want to know about your dreams, come to this address on next Saturday and bring Jin.' Below that was only time and place and nothing else. ''What if it is a scam?'' Jin keeps arguing. ''I don't know how that is possible or have you talked with anyone about our situation?'' Namjoon rolls his eyes. He had kept arguing with Jin for a while now. ''No.'' Jin agrees. ''That's it then. Let's go.'' Jin and Namjoon has been watching old subway entrance for a while and it did not seem so abandoned what it seemed on the outside. If you could gather anything from the fact that time to time some people knocked the old metal door, and after talking to big bulgy guy headed in. Jin followed Namjoon in silence when he knocked the door. Without a word Namjoon hands money that bouncer demands and he steps aside so Jin and Namjoon can get in. Strong beat hits the men when they step in. They both are surprised after they found a club inside. They just keep staring by door when annoyed looking female pushes past them to get inside. That helps them a little recover from their shocks. A man steps from the shadows next to the entrance. He seems really familiar. It takes only seconds for Jin to know who he is.

''It's you.'' Jin says surprised. ''It's Me.'' The man grins. ''As lovely as this location is I recommend that we go elsewhere. People will get nervous if we keeps standing here.'' His face turns serious. '' I''ll answer all your question as long as you follow me.'' He continues and without waiting starts to walk a way. There is no other choice than follow him. The man leads Jin and Namjoon into private parts of the club.

Now they are sitting in private room and looking the man impatiently. He hasn't said a word after they arrived. The private room is decorated with gold and royal purple. It has black leather seats around the table where they are sitting. Purple pillows are set into couches sloppily and top of the table is unopened wine bottle in bucket with ice. ''You wanted to speak, so do so.'' Namjoon finally breaks silence. ''Shh. We are still waiting company.'' The man says and puts his pointer finger to Namjoon's lips for his surprise. Soon after that annoyed looking man is pushed inside. Jin recognizes this man also. Newcomer is black haired male with long pale figure. He is wearing expensive looking black pants and shirt. on his right wrist is a silver watch. Males eyes seems to pop out his sockets when he sees who are in the room. ''What a fuck?'' he asks but before anyone can open their mouths the door opens once more and two other people are pushed in. Jin knows their faces as well, is this a school reunion?

First male is quite short but he has muscular figure. His eyes are shaped like half moon's and his hair was rusty blue. Second male was taller and also muscular. His hair was mix of red and brown. ''Finally, it took ages. Please sit.'' The man who has invited them finally broke the silence and three stunned looking men sit around the table. ''There is good reason for you guys to be surprised and to be honest I was as well before two days ago. I'm Kim Taehyung, but you can call me Tae.'' The mystery man finally introduced himself. ''I don't like to repeat myself so I wish that you wait with your questions till the end.'' Taehyung says and opens his arms dramatically. All what Jin could do was stare alongside with the other men. ''My grandmother told me this story which I'm about to tell you. In our family lines goes rare gene which cases the connection between us. The gene does not have a official name, but my grandma called it a 'dream gene', so lets go with it. This gene does not inherit for everyone in the family and sometimes it might take generations to appear. It seems that there is also some other family lines than ours where this gene appears, but it has never shown in all families at once. Those who has this dream gene seeks each other in their subconscious minds. That's why our dreams are connected. Because we all carry the same gene we are part of the same circle. Best part of this all is that when our circle is full we get those powers which we dream about.'' He ends his speech dramatically. The whole room is silent, you could hear a needle to drop on the floor.

''What, who, when, how?'' The man with red and brown hair finally blurs. He looks as out of it as Jin feels at the moment. ''My grandma had a circle as well and she gained power of psychics. Only one another person is alive from her circle, but she hasn't talked for him in person for years. They still meet in their dreams though.'' Taehyung shrugs his shoulders. ''How you can be so calm about this?'' Jin peeps in. ''My grandmother has always been a weird one so it did not took me for long to accept this fact.'' ''Wait, you said that our circle has to be full to work right? Aren't we missing two of them.'' Pale man asks confused. ''Ah, I already spoke to Y/N and Jungkook. They did not take things so well and left in hurry. No worries, when we meet together for the first time then should our powers awaken. That Nana at least told me.'' Taehyung sounded so carefree and Jin did not like it at all. ''Y/N and Jungkook?'' Short guy finally opens his mouth. ''Right, you do not know each other yet. How silly of me that I forgot. First we have Jung Hoseok, then Park Jimin, Min Yoongi, Kim Namjoon and finally Kim Seokjin.'' Taehyung points each men after another. ''Missing persons are, like I told, Jeon Jungkook and L/N Y/N.'' ''Wait, that famous Jeon?'' Namjoon asks surprised. ''Yes, it's him. Nana said that we had no change to cross each other before we would be ready for it. Sadly it seemed that neither Y/N or Jungkook seemed so ready after all.'' Taehyung sighs. ''I hate to seem stupid but who is Nana?'' Jimin asks and frowns his eyebrows confused. Taehyung gigles. ''It's my grandmother.'' ''Oh.'' Jimin says embarrassed. Oh, indeed. Jin feels like there is a lot to swallow at once. ''So, are we going to be superheroes?'' Hoseok asks sounding little bit excited. ''More like distant relatives to witches.'' Taehyung grins. ''Witches?'' Yoongi asks panicked. ''That is another story to tell.'' Taehyung says happily. This is going to be a long night.

[whothecrappadoodlecares]

can we talk about Shin, from Kingdom? (the manga, highly recommended btw)

I’m not talking about his strength or his sword skills here, I want to talk about his intelligence.

so Shin is presented to us a a comic relief, in a way. he doesn't understand his position, he is reckless and stupid, and doesn’t understand tactics. 

unlike his pears, Mouten, Ouhon and co, he needs a strategist. in fact, it seems like the only thing he is good at is charging at the enemy and making soldiers out of common farmers. 

but that is not the case. such a man would not have caught the eye of both Ouki and the Duke, and certainly not enough to be a “successor”. Ouki could have given his glaive to Tou, or another person with similar mindset and shared history. instead he gave it to a boy barely out of slavery. Duke Hyou could have given his shield to anyone of his soldiers, and instead gave it to this young no name commander who happen to be a better martial artist than most.

hell, Sei could have taken any military man as his sword: Heki is good at strategy and politics, as is choubunkun, and have been at his side through thick and thin. but he chose Shin.

as the story progresses, we learn new things about Shin. sure, he grew up, learned the importance of the king and politics and all, but we also learn about stuff that was already there.

he admits that his dream was foolish when he was a kid, and that he is dumb. he knows that. normally, one would wonder why he would act dumb.

i believe it is simply because he has nothing to lose. 

it is well known that he is a former servant. his reputation is the lowest of the low. everything he got was through achievements and results, things that cannot be doubted. Ouhon said that he got his hundred man squad because his father didn’t want him in his army, he was a commander from the start. Shin started out a foot soldier.

now since his reputation is already shot, and people think he is already undeserving (talking about when he was promoted to thousand man commander and someone said his background should be counted for), why should he pretend to be smart?

he know nothing of politics and nobility, he knows none of the great names learned at school. he cannot go to a library and learn all this, because unlike everyone else, he cannot read. he has to learn everything through word of mouth. and he learns: after the ai revolt, he was the first to link the military victory to sei’s political victory.

he also knows his position very well. he is a commoner, born and raised, surrounded constantly by other commoners from his unit. he also has a voice to the great nobility, as an unofficial advisor to the king and his entourage, and the military hotshots. he does not sugarcoat his words, or pretend to be a noble. he goes to ceremonies in worn clothes because it is the only clothes he has. he did not shop or anything. he does not speak with good language and accents like Ten and Hon, he still uses his commoner speech. 

he knows people, and empathizes. he promised his enemy to keep his own country in check. he knows that the people of sai still want to fight and why. he knows sei, who he rarely sees, better than is chancellors ans strategists. he can raise the moral of his troops through a simple uneloquent speech. where Hon raises morale by calling his soldiers friends, he does it by calling them bastards, because that is simply the best way to tell someone that you care. he also sees intent: it is what makes him a good instinctive general and fighter.

I believe that Shin is very smart, but unlike the other characters, he has no reason to show it. he is like a valve, if everything goes right, his presence realy doesn’t change much, but if sei, another person or a situation steps out of line, goes against the current, he is here to stop it.

[pocthiccnessimagines]

Listening Party

Harry Styles // POC reader ~ Ed Sheeran // POC reader 

Written by A on 5/23/18

Warnings: None 

Plot: Harry setting up Ed and Y/N at Ed’s listening party/

*NOT my gif, but aren’t they so adorable. 

Y/N and Harry had been friends for ages. But he didn’t know that she had a huge crush on his best mate until a few weeks ago Y'all were playing drunk truth or dare and she just exposed herself and now Harry knew that she had a crush the size of the Pacific ocean on none other than Ed motherfuckin’ Sheeran. So Harry hatched this whole plan that Y/N knew nothing about. Ed was having an album release party and he would bring Y/N along and somehow get them alone together. Y/N forgot that she even told Harry about her crush because he didn’t bring it up ever since it had been revealed. 

Maybe he forgot? Maybe he was too drunk? Well, that was no skin off Y/N’s teeth if he had forgotten that means that he couldn’t tease her about. Y/N was chilling at her apartment when she got a text that Harry was coming over to tell her some good news. Texted him back: 

Door’s unlocked. 

She went back to her computer mixing some music that she had to do for an indie gaming company. She loved getting gigs like this because they gave her artistic freedom and she got play their games for free. The doors open not to long after she was finished mixing everything. “Hey Harry I’m in my room,” she calls. Harry walks into her room carrying tacos, sets them down on her end table and kisses her on the cheek then sits down on the seat beside her.

“Hey, Harry before you give me your good news can you listen to something for me real quick it’s for that game I was telling you about and I think I’m finally done with it but I’m not sure and you are really good at pointing me in the right direction. And just remember that this whole song is going to be laced within the game so some bites of it for the opening theme of the game then throughout and ending credit. They will cut and spice what they want for the game.” Y/N looks up at Harry with Y/E/C big doe eyes, he smirks and just nods. “Thanks so much, Harry”, she kisses his cheek.  

After listening Harry had so many questions about the upcoming game, under contract she wasn’t supposed to talk about it, but it was just Harry. “Well it’s an indie game that just recently to use the Pikachu character as a travel companion, but within the game someone is trying to steal your Pikachu because they are so rare and they believe that you have last living one so the whole jist is that your protect Pikachu and get across the board and complete challenges along the way. I’m not sure if I’m doing it the justice it deserves with me explaining it but it looks really cool. Anywho what’s the news?” 

“Well, one of my good mates is having a listening party and I think you’d like his music because you’re into singer-songwriter sounds. You wanna go? It’s tomorrow night if ya free.” Harry holds in his snicker as tomorrows event play in his head. “Yeah, sure sounds like my scene but aren’t listening parties usually intimate with close friends and other musicians. I don’t even know this per...” Yeah, well you’re my plus one,” Harry cuts her off before she can dig herself into a whole of self-doubt of being an important enough person to attend an event like this. She always does that, she makes amazing music yet still doubts herself as an artist. She just nods her head in defeat knowing that Harry wouldn’t take no for answer. 

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N looks herself over in the mirror again. She put on one of her Fashionnova Racer Neon Orange dresses and strappy black heels. 

She sported a more natural look for makeup, just some light foundation mascara, and some gloss. She then waited for Harry to come pick her up, not even 5 minutes later Harry knocked on the door. His jaw dropped, Y/N was looking amazing and well if she hadn’t played right into his plan to get her with Ed because she was wearing one of his fave colors. Harry shook himself out his stooper smiled at Y/N and opened his arm for Y/N to hold like she was royalty being walked into a ball. She giggled but humored him and took his arm and they walked to the car. 

What were the chances? When Harry turned to car back on one of Ed’s song from his previous record was playing on the radio, Y/N fidgeted for a moment then relaxed. The drive took only about 20 minutes, so they talked about up and coming projects for the both of them and what the did earlier in the day. Harry parked his car in the driveway, there weren’t many cars in the vicinity. Y/N looked around and frowned at Harry, “Where is everyone? Are we early?” she questioned. “He wanted to keep it small so most of the people are here and there are a few more coming,” he retorted.

 They got out and walked into the house. They walked into the living room and we met with boisterous voices and people milling around, drinking and munching on snacks. Harry told Y/N to wait in the living room while he went to go look for his friend to introduce Y'all. You stood off to the side near the CDs cabinet, you were too entranced with the amount and genres of the music that you didn’t even her Harry come back with Ed. Harry cleared his throat and Y/N whipped around and met 2 familiar faces, Harry and Ed. Y/N’s jaw dropped, but she quickly recouped and plastered a smile on her teeth. 

“Hi, Ed thanks for letting me come to your listening party,” Y/N said through partially gritted teeth. Her eyes roamed over to Harry and gave him a questioning look and a smug smirk lay across his face then she knew that he didn’t forget about the drunken confession of her feelings about Ed hadn’t gone forgotten. Ed speaks up, “Hey Y/N, long time no see and no problem you’re welcome ‘round anytime.” He reaches out for a hug and kisses her on the cheek. He holds her longer than is considered to be a friend hug but she doesn’t mind. 

By the time they release each other Harry is nowhere too be found, so they start talking. They find out that they have more in common than they think. Ed keeps looking at Y/N in an odd way their whole entire conversation, so Y/N wants to ask him about it ans she does. “Why do you keep looking at me like that? And don’t say like what youn know what way you are looking at me.” Ed bite his lip in thought trying to carefully choose his words before responding. “Well...,” he starts. “you just look amazing and you’re wearing my fave color, I apologize for my brashness but you look like a whole meal and your coconut and shea butter are intoxicating.” 

He leans away from Y/N waiting for her to respond with his cheeks tinted pink. He hopes he hasn’t been too forward with her. But whenever she’s around he can’t think straight. Ever since he met her he thought Y/N was fascinating, but they never had a moment together it was always fast meetings and an occasional hi or bye. After Harry told him that she was here and has the same feelings for him, he coudln’t wait to talk to her. 

“Harry told you didn’t he? That bugger, always meddling,” she says with a laugh. She hasn’t looked up at him yet she is staring at her hands. She takes a steady breath and looks up at him. All he does is nod and smiles. He moves to sit closer to her and takes her hand in his. “And I like you back, you goddess of a woman,” he says before intertwining their fingers together. 

Let me know what you think part 2 coming soon :) 

~A 

[cjwritesfanfiction]

Hidden Voices (Track 3)

Summary: Summary: Thomas Jefferson, world renown, critically acclaimed rapper has lost his inspiration. In an attempt to start over and regain his lost inspiration, he made the bold decision to move to New York City. There, he meets a quick witted barista named Alex, who unknowingly becomes the source of Thomas’s knew found inspiration.

Tag list: @katzun @gum-and-chips and @glass-snake-writer ———————————————————————— Turns out working with Alexander Hamilton was harder than Thomas had thought. He thought that it would be easy. He and Alex would mesh perfectly, write a couple songs, and then make their soon to be relationship offical. But, Thomas and Alex had very different views on music. Thomas believed that music was supposed to tell a story. Alex believed that music was supposed to be an artistic and political source of expression.

As they worked together, Thomas found that this wasnt the only difference between him and Alexander Hamilton. Actually, he and Alex bickered about almost everything. The constant bickering had made both men tired and in dire need of coffee. After a quick game of rock, paper, sissors, it was decided Thomas would be the one to brave the harsh, cold winter weather to get food and coffee.

Thomas walked into Cafe 525 feeling cold and frustrated. Snot was dripping out of his ruby red nose and rapidly melting in the heat of the restaurant forcing Thomas to sniffle every three seconds. His ears were bright red and burning once the heat hit them. Thomas refused to wear a winter hat since he had seen a lot of New Yorkers brave the winter without it. However, the quick jaunt to the cafe made him rethink his decision. He quickly walked over to the electric fireplace in the cafe to warm his hands, which were gloveless. God, he missed California…

Philip came out with a small hot chocolate in his hand and a smirk on his face. He pressed the paper cup into Thomas’s hands and nearly laughed at the west coast native’s lack of proper winter attire.

“Here, we usually give these to the kids that come in, but you look like you need it more.” Philip chuckled. Thomas took it and instantly groaned at the way the cup burned his hand like he was holding fire.

“Thanks. That asshole, Hamilton, said it wasn’t that cold out.”

Philip burst out into laughter. Thomas looked at him like he was crazy. “Thomas, Alex has lived in the city since he was ten years old. He’s used to this weather. Hell, he won’t break out the winter attire until it’s 30 degrees. I’ll get you a hat and gloves from the back. You should probably get a more appropriate coat too. Usually, designer shit like that looks good, but it’s not warm at all.” Philip chuckled disappearing into the back of the shop. Thomas grumbled. Of course that asshole wanted to see him suffer.

Phillip came back moments later and gave Thomas a pair of gloves and a hat. Thomas instantly put on the gloves and stuffed the hat in his coat pocket. “Thanks, I think Alex just wants to watch me suffer.” he mumbled handing him the notepad with his and Alex’s coffee order on it. Philip took it and started to brew the coffee, so it was fresh for the two of them.

“Nah, Alex may seem closed in and rock hard on the outside. But, once you break through, he’s a softy.” Alex, a softy? That couldn’t be right!

“You’re joking, right?”

“No?” Philip replied, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve seen the two of you. All you do is flirt woth him, and Alex isn’t used to that. The only way he knows how to deal with the attention is giving you shit. You want Alex to like you?” Thomas nodded. “Then get to know him first. Talk to him about music. That will get your foot in the door.”

Thomas had his doubts, but at this point, he was willing to try anything to break through to Alex… ————————————————————————- Well, this was awkward. Alex and Thomas had been sitting in silence at their respective laptops surrounded by crumpled up pieces of paper, coffee stained sheet music, and multiple pens and pencils in red, black, blue, and a single green pen that Alex used to mark up what he didn’t like about Thomas’s lyrics. After 12 hours stuck together, the two of them were tired of writing ans of each other. Thomas tapped his pen on the table glancing over to Alex, wondering how he should start a conversation between them. James had left to get everyone food, so they only had a limited amount of time alone. Ten seconds rolled by, then thirty, then sixty before Thomas reached over and shut Alex’s laptop on him.

“Hey! I was working on that dick-”

“You and I both know we were just staring at empty word documents. C'mon, I’m starving and your stomach has been growling for the past hour. Let’s just take a break and walk down to the vending machine.” Thomas said standing up. Alex was about to retort when his stomach growled loudly. Both men looked down at Alex’s stomach for a few moments before Alex stood up.

“Alright, but youre paying.” Alex grumbled. It seemed Alex was just as cheep as Thomas was… The two walked in silence for a few moments before Thomas cleared his throat. Talk about music… Get his foot in the door…  Thomas could do this. He took a deep breath.

“So, when did you first get into hip-hop?” he asked. It was an innocent question. Thomas noticed how Alex’s face softened and his shoulders relaxed. This was good.

“Why do you want to know?” Alex asked.

“If we are working together, then I should know a little bit about you.” Thomas replied.

“It happened when I was 10. My parents had just adopted me and we took the subway back to my folk’s place. The subway car was full, and i had never seen people packed up like sardines before. Someone started to rap about how shitty the subway was and how people like me, like my parents, got the short end of the stick in life. It really did change my life. After that, I got a job helping a friend of my sell shaved ice and icecream and I spent it all on CD’s. You?”

Thomas smiled and looked down at him. “Its kinda stupid. On my 13th birthday, my cousin Garrett brought me to the studio where he worked. It just so happened that Notorious B.I.G. was recording Big Poppa that day. I would press my face to the glass just to watch them. After that, I wanted to make it big in the hip hop community and started to write my own shit. Now, I have his phone number and we talk all the time.” he laughed.

“Your music is kinda like his, at least, like Hypnotize and Big Poppa. You know, slow and relaxed.” Alex looked down at the ground and actually smiled a genuine smile. Thomas’s heart skipped a beat. He had his foot in the door. Now, all he had to do is step inside.

[redsletterday]

Never let go of a hug first.

#6 What was your most memorable night? I made someone feel though my poem.

I get too conscious more often than not about how I am with Babie in front of people especially her parents. And that reached its climax and relief last night.

I just arrived home from 2 long days na kailangan ko na ng tulong magpahinga. (See my pun there?) I just can’t rest with thoughts I want to share. If there’s anything I learned the hard way, it’s to never leave your ideas and thoughts, as merely ideas and thoughts. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of not having time to write in first person. Thus, me writing this half past midday (sosyal eh no?).

This week had an incredible amount of events. I say incredible because it really just isn’t credible. I have visited Babie twice this week. Once with her alone and another with the Cattleya group. Once with doubts and another with confirmation. Once on Tuesday and another on Friday (yesterday).

Don’t mind me comparing this to my previous relationship, because I just can’t help it. Everything seemed too surreal. Hear me out, as I give you my thoughts on my previous juxtaposed to my present relationship. Okay maybe I won’t need to talk about my previous one. You can already infer the opposite of what I will say anyway, and you can do the juxtaposing in your own head.

1. Babie's parents are amazing.

Her dad is an artist and an unusually supportive father. He gave us beer and Babie money to even buy if we needed. None of those were even taken with any hesitation. He gave it willingly. And that is just amazing. This is not to say that he’s very lax. I guess he knows that Babie’s old enough to make her own mistakes. Her mom is an odd one. Well only if you’ve seen her once. Multiple times will show you that she really is just like that. Majority of the time I was cuddling with Babie, she was there. And she did not mind at all. I expected something, at least some words from her thoughts, but nothing. And sometimes nothing is great. She had nothing to say about seeing me and her daughter cuddling. Her dad too! This is very unusual. Also given that Tin’s and Jared’s parents are strict about their child’s love lives.

2. It's so easy to visit Babie.

Literally any day is a good day to visit. You just have to tell them beforehand of course, and it’d be alright. At first this was something I only assumed based on Babie’s stories about her friends visiting, but experiencing it myself confirms it. What more me, who they know is courting their daughter? I love parents like these. It motivates me to not let them down. Giving out a little trust can go a long way and I am not letting them down.

3. I can just be me.

I always had jokes in my head: stupid puns, crazy puns, and just puns in general. I spoke loud sometimes about it without the fear of being judged. And I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who felt this. Aned Jared Tin and maybe even BJ did too as we all just did weird things, jokes, actions, in the vicinity of Babie’s parents. Speaking of Aned Jared Tin and BJ

3. I'm finally with a girl who can blend in with my group of friends.

As I’ve mentioned before, my biggest fear about getting into a relationship was that I’d lose my friends if I did. I was proven wrong, and even took me a while to figure out that we all were proving myself wrong. But anyway, in that one living room, last night, was the whole Cattleya, and Babie’s parents. And yet it all just went well. No pressure, no hiding, no nothing. Just us.

5. Given all this, I’m sure this time, with a different girl, different friends, different contexts, it’s going to be different.

I used to visit Yela every week during the summer. Maybe I’d do the same for Babie, but I guess I don’t need to explain any further that literally all the reasons I’ve mentioned are my reasons for this time being different. It’s euphoric.

What was your most memorable night? Had you asked later than last night, I would’ve said last night. Movie on a big screen, friends all around, parents not minding, and Babie lying down my lap. It’s all just amazing. It’s literally everything I love: friends, films, supportive parents, beer, and of course, Babie. I fall every time as I look down on my lap as she turns her head towards me. I held on me a person who I know I’m going to make a difference with. For me, for her, for each other, for our friends, for our families.

For Him. Thank You for everything.

[srbachchan]

DAY 3267(i)

Jalsa, Mumbai                     Mar 8/9,  2017                   Wed/Thu 2:22 am

MY OPINIONS ON THE FILM SARKAR 3

Amitji, Sarkaar 3 is your first release of 2017. What makes  Subhash  Nagre so powerful as  to be the only character of yours to be seen in three films?

ANS//

Gosh .. !! I had not realised this, but thank you for bringing it up.

Where there is continuity, there shall be desire to revert.You succeed in one vocation, you continue with it. Your team construct wins a series, a game, you continue with it. You build a happy association, you nurture and harvest it again. SARKAR 1 was a success, but I doubt very much whether SARKAR 2 was prompted keeping the success factor in mind. It was done more for the continuation of the story, from where it was left off in 1.

The character, the circumstance and the environ of the story of SARKAR has been alluring. It has begged desire to revert and to continue. It’s like those bed time stories that your Mother narrated when putting you to bed to sleep ; they all started with ‘ek tha  Raja, ek thi  Rani ..’ , and then invariably they would doze off and we the young were wide eyed and anxiously questioning ..'phir … phir kya hua ..?’ . SARKAR’s narration has invoked similar questioning at the end of each sequel. SARKAR 3 therefore is a natural revert to that childlike question, at the end of the previous film.

BUT .. in my very limited opinion SARKAR is not just another name .. ‘SARKAR ek soch hai' , it is a condition, a reality, a state, an order. A condition state and order, that exists in every home. SARKAR is authority, governance, politics, not just in its much renowned truest self, but one that reflects its meaning in every day life, more so in a domestic application.

Each individual is a human. He or she may have the benefit of power through political process, in a country, but these individuals have a domestic life as well. And this is what has intrigued me ; does individual domestic circumstance influence in any manner, decisions that are taken by such individuals for State, Country and Governance ? Decisions, that could affect a billion people and their lives ?!

There is a SARKAR in every home - one that guides, takes decisions, masters and commands either servility or compassion. Who rides favour with the Master, who questions, who poisons their countenance to what end, are some of the several obligations that these heads face each moment. What goes on within the closed walls and drawn curtains and for what reason, is complex and many a time unknown to the outside world. Its a politics of a different kind, often referred to as ‘Palace Politics’. Derived presumably from the era of Kings and courts and Emperors with their inner coteries and subsequent intrigues, today, every home is a ‘palace’ and every home has its ‘politics’, the nature of which is guided and abetted by the ‘politics’ it conducts !    

There is a Subhash Nagre in every home and that is why he becomes such a versatile, vulnerable yet respected and an acceptable character. Subhash Nagre is powerful not just by the presence of his conduct, to behave in a manner that he believes is right - ‘mujhe jo sahi lagta hai main karta hoon’ -  but because he commands a system that has existed from time immemorial. The power of that depiction is dynamic and most attractive and loved. Negativity sells, but when you make it credible and right, it endears even more. It’s tough to pull something such as this in film and story .. but RGV and his conviction of the character, has succeeded in doing so. Which is why it attracts continuity .. and my convinced association !

Having played the character twice before, how easy was it for you to recapture inner life of this politician-gangster?

ANS//

I have reservations about the way you express the character - ‘politician-gangster’ - of SN in this particular question. I hope I am wrong, but to me it breathes, vicious negativity !

Politics compels you to take a stand, a stand that attracts disagreement and debate. Not all are expected to toe your thought  or vision, but those that do become your ‘party’ of part of your ‘gang’. In normal terms ‘gangster’ invites crime, terror and all that is violent and against social and moral norms. But would you address all such ‘gang’ partners, or what you notify as a ‘gangster’, to only be defying moral and social norms. The British Raj identified freedom fighters as 'violent gangsters’ and hung them. Daku Man Singh and Veerappan were revered by the locals they served and looked after. Their means may have been wrong, but to them their act was right and for their own reasons - legal constitutionality not withstanding. Once that is understood, the act of performing is eased out by the concept devised by the director and the writer. My professional conviction is guided and operated by the Director and in turn the Writer. They have already ‘recaptured' it in their initial discussions. I merely attempt to enumerate their final discussion and design it on film.

Ram Gopal Varma is a very  strange filmmaker , if for no other reason then the inconsistency of his output. Having done so many films with him. how would you  describe your working relationship with this director?

ANS//

You are so right - inconsistency is indeed ’strange’.

It is ‘strange' because consistency is downright boring and static - for some. Not all, but for some. If one were to ‘consistently’ wear black, how would they ever discover the presence or the beauty of an alternative colour. Whether they like that range of difference is another matter, but deprived of it would be, to them, discomforting.

RGV is inconsistent because he is a restless creative mind, willing and deliberating continuously, to search valuable seed through his ‘outputs’. To have made me a part of that desire is a privilege for me. It challenged me, provoked me - a condition, I am absolutely convinced, every creative artist pleads for.

RGV’s ‘inconsistency' may not have given him the desired results he expected, but which artist, maker, producer, director has been able to achieve consistent box office success. Has that stopped us from admiring and applauding their efforts.

Every ‘inconsistent' offer that RGV included me in, found me striving to live upto his vision. They have all been exercises of great learning. Positive learning.

Stanley Kubrik, "cited as one of the most influential Directors in cinematic history” has had the most diverse and ‘inconsistent' temperament in his choice of films. From the iconic and revolutionary ‘2001 Space Odyssey’ made in the 60’s, to a period film, to ’The Shining’, ‘Clockwork Orange’ ‘Dr Strangelove’ is the genius of an inconsistent Director. Inconsistency has ridden with the more recent creators too. Spielberg  shifted from an extra terrestrial experience to the Holocaust. Would you call that inconsistency questionable ??!

Yes .. ‘inconsistency' is 'strange’  !!

Ramu has gone on record to say he regrets doing all the films he has done with you except the Sarkaar franchise.  Your comments please?

ANS//

This defeats the argument of the previous response. He is wrong. I wouldn’t mind being part of his further regrets !

Abhishek was with you in the first two Sarkaar films. Did you miss his presence in the third film?

ANS//

This is an obscure question ! Abhishek’s character dies in SARKAR 2 ! How can he be present in SARKAR 3 !! SARKAR structures have differing circumstances and stories around it, but the family is the same ..

Amitji, you continue be exemplary for the Indian  mindset with your conduct and your statements. You recently said your wealth would be divided equally between your son and daughter. What prompted you come forward with this  exceptional declaration?

ANS//

No I am not exemplary with my conduct and mindset when I declare the gender equality for my children. It is a natural belief of mine. I express it because if my face and voice can sell cement, I hope it can cement this social and moral belief of mine, among my countrymen !

Do you feel that the gender inequality that plagues our social order can  only be repaired by a patriarchal willingness to right the wrongs that cause the inequality?

ANS//

This question, questions the very tenet of gender equality. Please do not even journalistically attempt to suggest that gender equality can only be repaired by a patriarchal willingness. It should be willingly repaired and accepted if it is propagated , matriarch-ally too !!

GN

Amitabh Bachchan

[marstheredplanet]

SHINee in MNL (OneK Global Peace Concert) 03/02/17

P. S. I’m just going to blog about SHINee since I’m a SHINee blog but I wanna commend all the other artists that performed. They all did an amazing job.

OKAY SO I AM STILL FREAKING OUT OVER THE FACT THAT I SAW SHINEE LIVE IN MANILA YESTERDAY!!! AND THEY WERE FINALLY COMPLETE!!! (SHINee already visited the Philippines twice before but the Taemin wasn’t there on their first time and Minho wasn’t there for the second time)

My Shawol friend and I decided to just buy the general admissions ticket because we knew that they will just perform less than five songs (and we’re still students so we can’t afford the VIP seats TT.TT)

The concert was supposed to start at 7pm but it actually started at 8:30 pm. It’s good ‘cause we arrived at 8pm since we ate dinner first. During the dinner, I was just chill and all and eating slowly ‘cause I knew that SHINee will perform late since they’re a senior group. My Shawol friend was agitated for some reason and she wanted us to eat faster. (There were five of us who watched the concert together. Two of us were Shawols. One girl was a kpop lover in general. Two of us were foreign students who just wanted to check kpop out and one of them is the guy I’m dating rn hahahaha) I was like “Allou, chill, it’s not starting rn and SHINee will probably perform late” And she was like “Minho’s hosting!” And I was like “OMG WHAT MINHO’S HOSTING? ASDFGHJKL EAT FASTER GUYSSSSSS”

When we got to the arena, it was already packed. We were lucky enough to get tickets with SHINee World PH so pretty much everyone around us were Shawols. AND AND AND Two rows below us, there was a group of Korean Guy Shawols!!! They were so cute!!! AND AND AND All their stuff were in pearl aqua. Their bags, their shirts, their accessories, they were so adorable I wanna squish theeeeeem

When the event was about to start, fans are starting to chant “Minho Minho Minho” since he was the host. When he actually came out with Seolhyun, the arena erupted with cheers HAHAHAHAHAHA PH Shawols were already screaming their lungs out omg I was the complete opposite. I was just staring at him while covering my mouth because I can’t believe that I’m actually seeing Minho live omg (The guy I’m dating was like “Is that Minho? Are you okay Mars? Is that Minho?” he was so cute bye)

They were speaking in Korean ‘cause there was a screen that was posting their translated script but I can’t read it because the font was small and we were in Gen Ad huehue

Minho is like the cutest person in the world TT.TT You know that he maintains eye contact with the fans and he takes care of his co-host (there’s more to come just wait)

SHINee was the second to the last to perform (PSY was the finale) When Seolhyun came out alone, everyone lost their shit because they knew SHINee was next!!!

They started their set with View. The first thing I actually noticed was the fact that Onew wasn’t really that bubbly. Like you know how smiley Onew is naturally, right? But during View, he looks more like Jinki than Onew. Even my Shawol friend who is an MVP also noticed it and said that there was something off about Onew. We kinda brushed it off because after Onew’s line, we were just simply mesmerized with SHINee as a whole huehue Plus there was a tiny JongKey moment when they had a duet part and the cameras showed them together in the screen and I can feel that all the JongKey fans screamed hahahaha

SHINee World PH released a set list of songs that SHINee would perform the night before the concert. We knew that View, 1 of 1 and Everybody will be performed. Allou and I were speculating about the fourth song because no one knew what it will be. My guess was Beautiful. Allou doubted it and we started eliminating songs but we ended not having a final hypothesis. Haha. The sound system wasn’t really very nice so we couldn’t tell if SHINee was singing live. (In our defense, some of the artists weren’t singing live. And during one of SHINee’s visits in the PH, they lip synced huehue) All our doubts were erased when the second song started playing. I couldn’t here Jonghyun’s first part because of the screaming around me so I started hearing the actual song on Onew’s part. I think his Jinki aura suited this part of the concert. He looked so solemn while singing. We all know that he is an actual angel given by the heavens to us but he looked like one and his voice actually opened the gates of heaven bye then it dawned on me that THE SONG WASFUCKING ENCORE AND THEY WERE SINGING LIVE AND WHEN IT GOT TO MINHO’S PART EVERYONE WAS SILENT AT FIRST THEN AFTER HIS LINE WE STARTED CHEERING BECAUSE HE WAS REALLY SINGING LIVE AND HIS VOICE IS SO GENTLE AND PURE AND BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOD AND OMG AGAIN KIM JONGHYUN WAS SO EXTRA WITH HIS VOICE LIKE WOAH BOY YEAH I KNOW YOU’RE ONE OF THE BEST VOCALISTS IN THE INDUSTRY CHILL YOU DON’T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING BUT GAHD HE HIT NOTES SO WELL YOU CAN SEE HIS EXTERNAL JUGULAR VEIN PROTRUDING GAHD 

I’m not really sure when exactly they had their talk cause my feels were overwhelming but when they actually had it, Key spoke in English and we were screaming again so I didn’t understand most of it I’M SORRY HAHAHAHA Oh but it’s sad again ‘cause Onew didn’t introduce himself but the rest did :( (But his energy started to build up on their next set and he was full blown during the last one so I hope he gradually felt better) The complete opposite of Onew was Taemin. The baby boy was just smiling the whole night and with his mushroom hair cut again he looks like a toddler omg he was so cute why is he even real please protect him. JongKey were talkative as usual and Key was trying to translate it to us ^.^

The third song was 1 of 1. What really caught my attention during this part was Key. Boy oh boy your attention should be really caught by Key. I always read fans saying that Key’s energy is really different compared to the rest of the members. Knowing Key, I’m not really shocked whenever I read this kind of stuff. but when I was the one watching him dance the way he’s dancing, it’s really different. Key loves attention and I can say that attention loves him back. And the way he pops his body is so extra. I’m a Flamer for years now but my attention can’t really stay too long on Minho whenever Key’s near him because the latter’s aura is out of this world I swear!!! 

After 1 of 1, SHINee members started laying down and then it dawned on us that it’s Everybody time so we started chanting “SHINee SHINee SHINee” DUDE BRO MAN I THOUGHT THAT I WAS IN A SHINEE WORLD CONCERT BECAUSE THE WHOLE ARENA WAS SINGING TO THE SONG AND CHANTING WITH US!!! (They were already singing with us on the first three but the fan chants were superb on Everybody like no joke we had ZERO chill) For years I knew that SHINee is one of the best dance groups in Kpop but when I was watching the choreo for Everybody, I got GOOSBUMPS. Even the guy I was dating admitted that their choreo was amazing and he got taken aback by the fanchants. I told you it was amazing how these fans of different artists were singing one song and fan chanting like we were all in the same fandom. Omg I’m actually crying while remembering that moment bye But wait I need to commend our baby boy Lee Taemin because his dance moves were on point from the start and was extra extra on point during Everybody (plus he removed his jacket for a few seconds that got everyone screaming then he smiled after doing that what a little shit omg that brat) 

Right after Everybody, the members went back to the backstage except for FREAKING CHOI MINHO WHO WAS PERSPIRING SO MUCH HE LOOKED LIKE HE JUST SHOWERED BUT HE WENT STRAIGHT TO SEOLHYUN’S SIDE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED ANS STARTED HOSTING AGAIN THEN HE FLASHED THAT CHOI MINHO SMILE THAT MADE ME DIE FOR THE NTH TIME THAT NIGHT HUEHUE HALP

During the encore, all the artist gathered on the stage. SHINee members were being clingy together as usual. Yonghwa from CNBLUE, being the crowd pleaser that he is, started to walk to the extended part of the stage to wave to the fans. I was waiing for SHInee to do the same. Minho pointed Yonghwa to Jonghyun and I assumed that they wanted to do the same. After awhile, the rest of CNBLUE followed their vocalist then the other artists followed as well. When SHINee got to the extended part of the stage, they were all waving to the fans. THEN MINHO SPOTTED THE SHINEE WORLD PH PART AND STARTED WAVING AT US AND WE WAVED BACK THEN HE WAVED AGAIN HUEHUE AND THE REST OF THE SHINEE MEMBERS WAVED TOO OMG Except for Lee Taemin because guess what, he was the last member to get to the extended stage because he didn’t know what’s going on HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So yeah, that’s my One K Global Concert experience for you guys. I hope every Shawol will meet or watch SHINee live someday. I never knew this day will happen but it did. Keep the faith, loves :*

[sommer-rain]

Boy, i were stressed today because this time of the year (spring) is the season when people drag in most dirt in i have to mopp and it takes a hella lot of time than it otherwise does. It’s quite tiring. Not really exhausting but stressful and tiring. -But i as also stressed because i would go to my apointment to the Homeopath right after work and because all the mopping the floor takes so much time now i was afraid i wouldn’t get it finished in this. -Also i didn’t eat much for lunch and didn’t have time for a snack break either around two o’clock. -__- Because i had hard falling a sleep the first hhour or half hour when i went to bed i also sleept onn the way to the Homeopath while dad was driving us there - until he said - apparently on purpose - loud anough, almost yelling, for me to wake up to answer to whatever he asked me. Did he really had to do that.. -Well there i told the Homepath about my sisters last visit to me, mán, i became almost as hyped and eager about it again i started talking as rapidly as i did with my sister. Really, i never ever use to talk THAT fast even when i’m hyped about something but this just takes the prize. (At least i caught myself redhanded on it so i stopped talking so quick fast anyway, i just mentioned it. Not really had a conversation about it). -My homeopath told me that there’s a small exhibition of paintings in one the other rooms in the building that were for sale and i would love them because they are by the same artist/painter as the paintings she has in the consultation room, ans she nows i utterly LOVE them those paintings, like i really just wanna smuggle them under my arms to take home every time i’m there. They make me SO HAPPY! -And just so..zen. -She also distance-treated the old cat because i asked her to because i’m still worried about that there’s something more wrong with him than “he’s just OLD” consideration by dad and Marja. He may live at them but i still see things they don’t about him. That’s just how it is and they don’t want to listen to me when i try to tell them that it CAN be something more wrong just because they don’t see the signs. Come on, everybody knows that cats isn’t fucking screaming out that there is somethig wrong and bad with themselves. (Definiately less than dogs what i understand. Then i don’t really know and understand anything about dogs but still.)   And i just.. i just hate to be so worried i sometimes do over him. I don’t him to be sick and i don’t want him to die. I get worried sick sometimes i can with that thought sometimes. It hurts too much. I was always closest to that cat, that doesn’t change because i don’t live with them anymore. I dad can think whatever he wants about it but it’s not him paying for the cat anyway. Why be so against it when he have his own apointments to her on the same time as i? why doubt it so much then? She did and she can do it after we left anyway. Not something we had to draw out extra time for until one of payed the bill as long as i bayed her the bill before i left.

Also: before i really left she showed me the paintings and i loved them, HOW CAN YOU NOT?! I bought one of them that was one of the cheaper ones but still as wonderful as any of them. And wasn’t much for a painting in general. -She told me that the one i chose was one of the ones many people wonted to have so i got lucky to buy it. You know “First one to the mill”. It was one of the more blue ones with a moon cycle and a main motife. I know one place i technically could have it BUT i’m not sure if it’s possible in practice. -And i don’t like have hanging paintings ansd other things hanging on my walls.. the last thing i want to know about is something falling from a wall. I hate that sound, it’s so fucking scary to me you just don’t know. Yes a fucking trauma since highschool age when my posters CONSTANTLY did it MULTIPLE times i can’t tell how many nights in a row waking up by it - even the one poster i had above my head did it on y face in the middle of the night >_<. Now i’m just scaring myself up, dammit.

I almost forgot - My Homeopath also told me about another lecture from the same person who made the delightful and enchanting paintings, that is about mandalas and..something else i think! ..But dammit, now i can’t remember when she said it would be.. at least she said she would get me attended to it. :) I got to ask her soon about it. I were so hungry then i just wanted to eat some dinner. :|.

-My dad apparently had such a day when he almost shouldn’t even had got up from his bed because had had such an unfortunate day before he picked me up. -me had been to the nearby fleamarket to get an old radio to m y brother and when he was reaching for it drawing it out from the place it were on, pretty high up and the cashier wasn’t to any help becauuse shev apparently were way too busy for a long while, and along he did it a lamp with crystals fell down to the floor and gor broken and he didn’t even notice that lamp where-ever it were place before it fell so he had to pay for it too that in all costed him 90€ :|. -Not only that, he had bought another thing to his car for the sake..whatever it now was, would be more silent but read after he bought them that in another test someone else had categorized it to be the LEAST silent of the brands or models! Sure something else too i can’t remember - and he forgot i didn’t work on tuesdays at Vallonia but at TB too until i reminded him about it. I was home to him some hour afterward the apointment too, and barely been on the computer since i came to my apartment again.

                                                  Goodnight.

[nocturnalimpression]

This is gonna be a long post so sorry in advance, but it's 2am and dysphoria is hitting me hard, so I figure it's the perfect time for a story. This story will contain BRIEF and non detailed mentions of suicide, but I find it to be a happy story over all.

Alright so, I am currently 20 years old. I came out at 17, but looking back, I've always kind of known that I was trans. I remember being really young, I'm talking maybe 5-7 years old, hanging out with boys in my neighbourhood and feeling out of place. The only time I really felt comfortable and truly happy was when I was with my best friend.

She and I grew up together. Literally. We were born a few months apart, but our mothers had been friends since high school. They were both mothers to us, and we saw eachother as siblings. We were friends since the day we were able to create memories.

I remember being around 6 years old. My friend, who will be refered to as A, and I were playing in the dirt in her backyard. I don't remember exactly what we were doing, but there was a lull in thw action of whatever game we were playing. A was standing beside me pretending to cook or something, and I was just kind of standing there silently thinking, something I did often and still do. I vividly recall looking up at A and thinking "she's so fun and I'm always happy with her. Why don't I feel like that with boys?"

(Obviously my thoughts weren't that clear at that age, but that's the basic gist of what was going through my head)

Fast forward a year or two. I'm with my male friend in his backyard. He lived across the street from me, ans had a massive fort/treehouse type thing. We were walking from his back door toward the fort, and this feeling came over me. I started to wonder if he ever felt the same way I did about relating more to girls than boys. My young, dumb, anxiety filled brain wanted to ask him, but didn't know quite how to go about it without sounding stupid. Somehow I settled on "Hey _____? Do you ever wonder what it's like to be a girl?"

Tgis os the point where, when I look back on these early years, I wonder if what he said paved the way for my internalized fear of my own feelings.

He reaponded with a simple, but powerful, "No. Why would I want to be a girl? Girls are stupid! Why, do you want to be a girl?"

Not wanting to embaress myself, I said something to the tune of "Haha no I was just messing with you."

In hindsight, that was probably the moment I disconnected from reality, because from that day on, I started to become something that I'm not sure I can ever quite recover from. I started doubting myself constantly, and hating myself for every thought I had that didn't match up with what the other boys were like.

In elementary school, I had this constant feeling that I was outside myself. Like I was watching a puppet version of me living out my life. I felt like I had zero control over everything and anything that happened. I would get bullied for dumb stuff, like being German or having a higher voice than the other boys. I never really felt hurt by anything, because no matter how brutal the other kids could be, it didn't feel like they were saying/doing anything to ME. They were attacking this version of me that wasn't actually me. I started to develop a talent for lying and acting.

I still saw A fairly often, but nowhere near as often as I wanted. When I was around her, I felt like she would grab the real me and pull me back into my body. I wish I'd shown her how much I appreciated and needed her, because come high school, we stopped hanging out all together.

Suddenly, my only anchor to reality was gone, and I was permanently dissociated. My lying got worse, or better in a way. My parents would tell me constantly that I should enroll in the drama classes and become an actor because of my "natural talent". I wanted too, and I probably could've done something great had I listened to them. Instead, I listened to my guy friends, who told me drama and acting was girly and gay. Clearly I wanted to avoid those titles, as the last time I expressed my interest in femininity, it didn't exactly go too well.

So, my link to reality is gone, I'm in a permanent state of dissociation, I secretly hate myself, and I can make people believe just about anything I tell them. A recipe for disaster if I ever saw one.

I know, I know, not a very happy story. Just sit tight a little longer. This story gets a lot worse before it starts to get better, but it DOES get better.

I'm now around 14 years old. All my friends think I'm on drugs at all times, and I've begun to develop a serious case of depression, while my anxiety has grown exponentially worse. My high school bullies love to practice their insults on me, since my only response was laughter, hiding the pain I really felt from everyone. I took up smoking cigarettes, and regularly put my body through any kind of abuse I could. I would run full speed into brick walls, get people to hit me with the biggest sticks they could find, set my clothes on fire during lunch hour. You name it. Why? Partially for the laughter and attention it got me, bust mostly, secretly, to punish myself anytime I had thoughts that I deemed wrong.

Then, a small miracle. One of the bullies I mentioned previously, came out to everyone as bisexual. My school was incredibly intollerent, violent, and hateful. Especially towards lgbt peeps. But all of a sudden, one of the most popular boys in the school, not just our grade, admits that he is bisexual, and everyone is completely fine with it.

Before, I felt like I was drowning in the sea, caught in a raging storm, but suddenly there was a raft. Tge storm was still raging, maybe even growing, but at least I had something to grab onto.

And boy did I grab tight. About a month after the boy came out, I went camping with my (new) best friend. He was a brother to me, and had seen me on the rare occasion that I came back to reality from the dissociation and lies. I came out to him on that trip. Not as trans, I didn't even know that transgender was a thing yet. No, I came out as bisexual. I will truly never forget that conversation.

We were walking along a river in the forest, looking for lizards and snakes and the like. There was a brief moment of silence between us, something that rarely happened, and without thinking, I heard myself say "I have to tell you something."

Immediately I started panicking, thinking of anything I could say aside from what I knew was about to fall out of my mouth. Foetunately, I wasn't quick enough, and as soon as he turned around, I basically vomitted the words "I'm bisexual."

Now, technically that was true, but I didn't know that yet. I was freaking out, as we had both made some honestly horrible jokes at the expense of the gay community. He was quiet for a few seconds, which felt like days, but eventually he looked my dead in the eyes and said, "Well, I guess I'm not homophobic anymore."

His words, combined with the genuine care in his smile made me want to fucking cry. And I did, later that night. I hugged him, and just to put him at ease, made a joke that I will not repeat, because it was disgusting and horrible, but it was exactly what we both needed in the moment.

A few months later, I came out as full out gay to our entire friend group. This clearly was not the case, and I knew it was a lie. By then I had realized that I am in fact bisexual, but remember, I am still in the midst of that raging storm of lies and hate. My basic thinking was:

I feel most comfortable around girls.

Girls like boys.

If I like boys, girls will want to hang out with me.

I do like boys, but also girls.

I can pretend to only like boys very easily.

And so I did. Admittedly I went way overboard in the first few weeks. I had never actually met a gay guy, so all I had to go off of was the stereotype we all made fun of back then. After the first 2 or 3 weeks of trial and error, I had everyone, including family and teachers, fully believing I was gay as fuck. And my plan, kind of worked perfectly. My best friend, the one from the camping trip, got a girlfriend, and she ended up spending more time with me than him. She introduced me to her friends, which opened a world that had previously been unknown to me or any of the boys I knew.

High school boys were immature, rude, competitive, and aggressive. High school girls, however, were so incredibly diverse. Every girl I met was different in nearly every way, but had a sense of familiarity with eachother. My depression vanished in a matter of days. My raging storm calmed to a light breeze. These girls would paint my nails and convinced me to give up the buzz cut in favour of the long hair I had always wanted. They introduced me to makeup and music other than rap. The artists showed me the beauty of drawing, and the drama girls taught me how to truly hone my lying into acting. I felt at home with them.

Unfortunately, but predictably, my plan backfired, and crumbled like a brick house in the path of a tornado. After about a year, the "light breeze" began to pick up speed again. I started hating myself more than ever. I was so damn close to what I'd always wanted, but I realised the closer I got that rather than my path to happiness being clear, there was a glass wall in my way. I was allowed to embrace the femininity that I once had to hide, but I was sti'll just another boy to those girls. I wasn't truly one of them as I wanted so desperatly to be. Worst of all, I had started catching feelings for a girl, but couldn't possibly act on them or express them at all without ruining not only the illusion, but all the friendships I had just finally found.

I'll save you the details, but in short, all this came to a point and I ended up attempting suicide. I was sent to a psychiatric ward, and my friendships, both male and female, began to erode.

Instead of watching everything I lied so hard to achieve turn to dust, I decide to use my new acting abilities (sharpened in drama classes that the girls talked me into) to fool the doctors, nurses, and psychiatrists into letting me out before a single one of my issues had been addressed.

Don't ask me how I managed it, because I still don't have a clue, but I did it. I somehow managed to convince everyone I was perfectly fine, and was released after only a week and a half. This was the first in a line of horrible mistakes made by yours truly.

So, I return to school. I expect I'll have to tell everyone why i missed a week and a half of school, and showed up with a mostly true story. I never got to use my story, however, because my school counselor had already managed to inform the entire school that I was "suicidal and extremely depressed". While that was true, that is the furthest from how I wanted everyone to find out.

To save time, I'll skip over the events that took place in those few weeks, to my second admittance to the ward. This time, I was filled with rage and wanted not only my own death, but the death of anyone who got on my nerves. This is when my anger issues started to take root.

My raging storm had developed into a devastating hurricane, and my raft was torn to splinters. Only this time, I wasn't at the mercy of the storm, I was the storm. At one point, the ward staff had to call 3 security gaurds in to get me to return to my room without anyone being injured. I was so lost in my rage and hatred that I milked the shit out of it, and got off the idea that 3 buff ass dudes were needed to return my 90 lbs butt to my room out of fear that I was actually going to make an attempt on someones life. Not my proudest moment to be sure. This is when my friendships were nearly all dying, if not already dead. I ended up making some friends in the ward, who helped me get to place mentally where the staff felt I was safe to be released.

A month later, I was in a new ward. An adult ward this time. With no one my age to talk to, and having very recently become anti social (the real definition, not asocial or shy, though I am very introverted), I turned to the bookshelf as my only companion. I found a book about lgbt definitions and information, and decided to read it for no real reason. I was skimming through pages rather quickly, not really reading or retaining anything, just sort of looking at the ink on the paper. Eventually a saw a word I had never heard before; Transgender.

My curiosity got the best of me, and I started to read the paragraphs. Almost immediately, I realized that I connected with what I was reading. I read the entire book that night.

The next day, my mom came in for a visit. It was my 17 birthday. The first thing I said to her when she walked into my "room", was "mom? I think I'm transgender."

Without a hint of hesitation, she simply looked at me and said, "okay."

After 17 years of hating myself, doubting myself, and punishing myself for something I didn't understand, my mother was able to accept it immediately. I'm not exaggerating. We spend the day discussing it, and she had absolutely no problem with it at all. She supported me not just from day one, but from minute one. It took her a few months to get used to she/her pronouns, and she did get frustrated at my changing my name every few weeks, but she never stopped supporting me. It's been 3 years since I came out. I have exactly one friend whom I didn't meet until I dropped out of highshool, and I have my mom. And you know what? I'm happy.

I struggle still, obviously, with anger, depression, anxiety, antisocial personality, and now gender dysphoria, but thanks to the two amazing women in my life, I'm working through it all. I'm getting better. And my transition has finally begun.

As a side note:

This story ended up being WAY longer than I originally intended. I started with the intent to only talk about the time I asked my friend if he ever wondered what it was like to be a girl when I was like 7 or something, but it kinda spiraled into my life story. So I want to give a little detail to my friend A from early in the story. We've grown apart and haven't seen eachother in years, but we do still consider eachother friends, and as crazy as it may sound, she came out as a HE around the same time I came out as a SHE. We literally swapped. Neither of us knew the other was trans until well after we came out, so we had a good laugh about it. Life is crazy hunh?

[ruthiemcwilliams-blog]

Where’s Messi? Tributes lacking in his aboriginal Argentina city

ROSARIO, Argentine Republic (AP) - Flop ahead kickoff, the plasm TV's were quieten tuned to a tennis meet on deaf-and-dumb person as an alternative of the Barcelona spirited at a intimately evacuate debar owned by Lionel Messi's home in his Argentine Republic hometown. The alone hint at the debar were about photos of Messi. No one seemed to forethought or so the gritty until a pair walked in hurriedly and asked a waiter to modification the canalize. The college students from Deutschland had protected for months to journey on a pilgrim's journey to their idol's indigene metropolis. By this peak they were disappointed: they had seen no Messi statues, plaques or museums. Null. "It seems like I feel more for Messi than Rosarinos," Oshin Gharibi, 32, aforementioned as he watched the twin side by side to his girlfriend, Lena Wagner, 23. She wore a Barcelona shirt decked with Messi's telephone number 10 on the backwards. In this April 17, 2018 photo, customers are reflected in a moving picture of Lionel Messi at the Very important person eating house owned by Lionel Messi's class in his hometown of Rosario, Argentine Republic. In Messi's hometown, where at that place are no statues or museums in abide by of the soccer idol, everyone seems to agree: the Messi's are a humble, seemly family; Lionel was a safe kid, and he only if cared most unity affair only: the association football testicle. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) "Messi is such a big star from such a small place," Gharibi aforesaid. "How can you not give him the recognition that he deserves?" It's a mystery story that confounds many. Cristiano Ronaldo has an airdrome named after him on his Lusitanian home base island of Madeira; Pele has his museum in his Brazilian aboriginal metropolis of Santos; level Bumpy Balboa - a fictitious boxer- has been paying court with a statue in City of Brotherly Love. So wherefore does Rosario appear to let an ambivalent relationship with the world's nearly famous football player? Many Here appear to make out vertebral column to the Lapplander theories: a soccer-insane metropolis shared out by the contention of its deuce beloved clubs; the comparisons to Diego Maradona; and the melodic theme that anything but victorious is worthless. In a decennary of victorious trophies for Barcelona, the trump player of his coevals has sooner or later to deport a World Cup for Genus Argentina - as Maradona did in 1986. Russia power be the finale take a chance for Messi, WHO will sprain 31 during the tournament. Rosario, a river larboard and Argentina's third-largest metropolis is situated near 180 miles Northwest of Buenos Aires. It's better known for organism the country's agricultural hub, the hometown of subverter loss leader Ernesto "Che" Guevara, and a talent manufactory for just about of Argentina's scoop footballers and coaches. Merely for Rosarinos merely two clubs matter: Rosario Fundamental and Newell's Honest-to-goodness Boys, its perpetual contender and Messi's childhood guild. "You breathe football everywhere in Rosario, but, curiously, the air doesn't smell of Messi," author Guillem Balague writes in "Messi," the prescribed biography. Everybody seems to possess a narrative nigh Messi, only "the city does not seem to want to gloat. It's almost as if it is considered vulgar to have his face posted everywhere," Balague says. Just "when you ask him what his favorite memories are, he is in no doubt. 'My home, my neighborhood, where I was born.'" In the working-family neighbourhood of La Bajada, neighbors recognise for each one former by key out and kids razz bikes on constringe streets. As they pass up to the hoary gate of Messi's puerility home, the German tourists put up hardly hold their joyousness. "We could have traveled to a beach in Barcelona, Thailand or Australia, but we came here," Wagner aforesaid. "It's worth it because we get to see the places where he grew up." Messi is powerfully machine-accessible to Rosario. His accentuate is unchanged, even out though he odd the urban center 18 geezerhood agone. He returns oftentimes and end year, he married his puerility sweetie in the metropolis. "I don't think it's something against Messi, but perhaps something cultural that we have to evaluate and rethink about ... people who perhaps deserve more recognition," said Sandro Alzugaray, a Sculptor. In his atelier, he keeps a ordered series mock up of a Messi statue. He presented the design to urban center officials four old age agone and it has thus far to get favorable reception. Messi was innate a year afterward Maradona led Genus Argentina to the Cosmos Loving cup trophy in 1986. Only he has faced comparisons to the late Argentinian sea captain passim his liveliness. "For us...who took care of him, it hurts to hear the criticism, the comparisons to Maradona," aforesaid Andrea Liliana Sosa, ane of Messi's onetime teachers. A partition of a untried Messi clothed in the red-and-contraband colors of Newell's features at the club's youthfulness dissipated coordination compound. It's the lonesome preindication that the five-sentence FIFA worldly concern instrumentalist of the year was a standout actor hither as a tiddler. "I think we're not using the marketing correctly," aforementioned Gustavo Pereira, a Newell's juvenility division passenger car. Perhaps Rosarinos guardianship so very much close to Messi's concealment because they neediness him to donjon advent support. "When people ask me about a Messi tourist tour, it pains me," aforementioned Hector De Benedictis, Rosario's Tourism Secretariate. In his hand, he held copies for a Messi tour that his situation has well-tried to establish double. But the Messi crime syndicate spurned the marriage proposal because of privateness concerns. "It's a question of ethics." In this Apr 18, 2018 photo, artist Sandro Alzugaray shows his Clay simulate of Lionel Messi at his studio apartment in Rosario, Argentina, Messi's hometown. Alzugaray has proposed to make a monument to laurels Messi in their hometown since the late Macrocosm Cup, four years ago, just is silence confident that about Day it testament be sanctioned by the metropolis governing and that he'll observe the financial brook to pee it bump. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) This April 17, 2018 photograph shows a soccer field of battle exploited by the Newell's Honest-to-god Boys spring chicken teams in Rosario, Argentina, the urban center where soccer avid Lionel Messi grew up. "You breathe football everywhere in Rosario, but, curiously, the air doesn't smell of Messi. There are hardly any photos, or pictures, nor even advertisements depicting Leo," source Guillem Balague writes in "Messi," the administrative unit life story. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 17, 2018 photo, children gearing at the Newell's Sure-enough Boys youthfulness education home base in Rosario, Argentina, the hometown of association football majuscule Lionel Messi. Messi was Max Born a year later Maradona light-emitting diode Argentina to the Humans Cupful prize in 1986, and has faced comparisons to the quondam Argentine master passim his life, regular when they could non be Sir Thomas More different away the field of view. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this Apr 17, 2018 photo, a modest wall painting portrayal Lionel Messi as a small fry decorates the bulwark at a soccer area exploited by the Newell's Previous Boys early days teams, Messi's childhood club, in Rosario, Argentina. Messi, Max Born in Rosario, played for Rosario's local anaesthetic team up before sign language with Barcelona at eld 13. The mural is the alone sign that he was a standout musician hither as a youngster. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this Apr 18, 2018 photo, Lionel Messi's former neighbour Marta Rodriguez shows her autographed depiction with the soccer matinee idol inwardly her home, on the equivalent forget that Messi grew up on in La Bajada, Rosario, Genus Argentina. Messi is even real often connected to Rosario. His accent and expressions are unchanged, Casino Online regular though he left the metropolis as a teen, 18 age agone. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this Apr 17, 2018 photo, photos of expectant soccer moments ornament the cafeteria indoors Newell's Old Boys youthfulness education centre in Rosario, Argentina, the hometown of Lionel Messi. Photos of previous coaches and players lifting trophies ornament the cafeteria's walls, merely there's non a bingle figure of Messi, the five-clock FIFA earth player of the twelvemonth. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 17, 2018 photo, European country tourists Oshin Gharibi and his lady friend Lena Wagner, both students from Heidelberg, beat for a moving-picture show at the High-up restaurant owned by Lionel Messi's sept in Rosario, Genus Argentina. The mates walked into the bar, nearly-empty, expecting to watch out Messi act a plot disseminate on TV, but had to demand the server to place the gamy on. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this Apr 18, 2018 photo, a partition of Lionel Messi covers a mansion one barricade from his puerility household in La Bajada, Rosario, Genus Argentina. As a wedding gift, around of his puerility friends varicolored the large mural on a fence at a small-scale force field where they victimised to toy as kids. It shows a whiskery Messi encircled by coloured planets, and on a tree it reads: "From another galaxy - and from my neighborhood." (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 18, 2018 photo, European country tourist twosome Oshin Gharibi and Lena Wagner, from Heidelberg, parting a handwritten letter of the alphabet at the internal where Lionel Messi grew up in La Bajada, Rosario, Argentina, by chance making the planetary house consternation go away. The duet are college students who saved for months to come up altogether the mode to Rosario for a pilgrimage to their idol's indigen city. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 18, 2018 photo, a foosball defer stands at heart the "Escuela General Las Heras" where Lionel Messi went to chief cultivate in Rosario, Genus Argentina. "When I see him on TV, I think of that little kid on this same yard doing those same dribbles," aforementioned Andrea Liliana Sosa, unrivalled of Messi's onetime teachers. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this Apr 18, 2018 photo, Andrea Liliana Sosa, Lionel Messi's primary train teacher, poses for a visualise at the "Escuela General Las Heras" in Rosario, Genus Argentina. "For us, the teachers who took care of him, it hurts to hear the criticism, the comparisons to Maradona," said Sosa. They don't render him the grandness he deserves. It's as if the metropolis can't clutch that Lionel is from Hera." (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 18, 2018 photo, an Ernesto "Che" Guevara statue by artist Andres Zerneri stands in a park in his hometown of Rosario, Argentina. Rosario, a river port and Argentina's third-largest city is best known for being the country's agricultural hub, the hometown of the revolutionary leader and a talent factory for some of Argentina's best footballers and coaches, including Lionel Messi. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 18, 2018 photo, a woman cycles past Lionel Messi's school "Escuela Ecumenical Las Heras" primary school in Rosario, Argentina. The mural featuring Messi was painted by the school's students and teachers with the help of local artist Ruben Perez Barrios. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) In this April 18, 2018 photo, Alejandro Daniel Fernandez poses for a photo by a mural of his childhood friend, Lionel Messi, that reads in Spanish "From my region!" in La Bajada, Rosario, Argentina. Fernandez said Messi's family had always helped him, including living with the family for a while, and that he remains friends with Lionel and his brother who all play soccer together when in town. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) Advertisement