#anyhow im head deep in my emotions how are you all

[willowdied]

good morning friendly reminder- fuck you solomon lauter

[lnvxctus]

fuck it im writing this stupid rodney stuff thats been rolling around my head like a fucking pinball all day.

The former Lord Commander knew it was of little purpose to stray from his bed, given how shallow each rise and fall of his chest still felt and how he struggled to even keep water down without coughing it back up. How Hanna tolerated seeing him in this pitiful state was far beyond his compression. The fires of Phoenix- nay the second strange Eikon had burned him to his very core, his legs and torso still as deep a red as the very standard of Rosaria itself. And yet, he pushed himself up from his bed and slowly moved towards a chest in the corner.

It had grown covered in dust over the years, untouched and had the circumstances been aught else he would have been happy to leave it that way. The lid was knocked open with a swift movement of his leg, revealing within a set of Elwin's clothes that he had left during one of his final visits to the mansion. He sighed, kneeling down to remove it and bring it close to himself. His fingers ran over the fabric, hands clutching it as if the very winds would sweep into the room and take it away never to be seen again. "My Lord... just what happened to you?" Rodney frowned, eyebrows furrowed as he fought back a wave of emotion.

Just what had happened that night at Phoenix Gate, and where was Elwin if still alive? He hated himself, wished that the ground would swallow him where he stood if it just meant that Elwin was alive somewhere. He knew that the word was none of the Rosfield's survived, but he also knew that the same word had claimed his own death as well. He decided to not believe it, anything was better than failing his dearest friend. Even if he did swear that he saw the man beheaded before his very eyes, he hoped with every fiber of his being that it was simply wrong. He could not bear to think otherwise, the fact alone that he had lost contact entirely with Elwin made his heart sink into his stomach.

Tears stung at the man's eyes as he placed the outfit back where it had laid moments prior. "Phoenix itself help me, I will find you again Elwin. I do not care if this world swallowed you I will dive into the depths and climb into the skies themselves until I can assure your safety once more." He had sworn himself to Elwin in their youth, and such was not a promise he would even consider breaking for a moment. Well, at least as soon as Hanna would agree anyhow.

[studioxlii]

18 and Junhee pls!! Xx

"to be fully seen by somebody, then, be loved anyhow is a human offering that can border on miraculous."

proof read: kinda

warnings: none

note(s): the format might be garbage, im mobile.

Love is a weird thing but so are the conditions that come with it; the limits that people decide need to be in place. You understood boundaries or not wanting to take too many steps before you knew the relationship would hold but some things never sat right with you. It took a few years but it wasn't until you overheard some of your project group talking that it finally hit you; most people you knew didn't want to date their best friends for two reasons.

1. It could ruin their friendship. This reason was obvious and of course you understood.

2. They'd seen way too much.

You remember hearing those words and your head lifting, confused and wondering what that could even mean. When you were in a relationship that would eventually progress, weren't they just going to see those things anyway? You never could let that thought go, not once you decided that would only make it better; it would make a relationship stronger. Well, in your eyes.

Dating was something that seemed to come easier to you before those thoughts started polluting your mind; no one seemed to understand or see you in a way you really wanted. The ideal person for you was someone who saw everything; the bad days, the good days and the maybe okay but not so great days. It was really starting to mess with you. By not wanting to date certain friends, were you restricting yourself from the relationship you really wanted?

Only one person, one friend, knew you better than you knew yourself, you were positive of that. Your best friend of nine years, Junhee, had probably been through almost every bad thing possible in life with you. You began recalling all the situations you'd been in with each other that were memorable; the things you wouldn't have faced with anyone else because you didn't want anyone else to see.

'Do you remember when you got your belly button pierced?'

And that's when it began.

The question came out of nowhere, breaking the silence of your apartment and leaving Junhee to look up from his book confused and blinking. 'Uh.. yes?' His response came out slow, hesitant like he was missing some weird in-between the lines meaning of the question.

Your head tilted, finally looking over at him. 'Do you remember the way you squeezed my hand to the point it was purple because it hurt so bad you nearly passed out?'

His features flushed at the ridiculous memory being forced back into his head. 'You mean the same day you had to cling to me, crying because your first tattoo felt like your leg was being seared off?'

You hated crying in front of people for any reason but you couldn't go alone; you'd never go alone for something like that. You just nodded in response before returning to your own book, continuing to read like you hadn't brought the subject up at all.

Your first date after you began recalling things and getting far too deep in what could only be sentimental thoughts went okay. A friend of your friend's, Sehyoon, who was an art major and knew of you but didn't know you; he'd never really integrated himself into the small friend circle on campus but Byeongkwan spoke highly of him.

He was sweet; a gentleman. Pretty much anything you could really ask for but you noticed little things; minute things that didn't even matter. You felt like you were being unreasonable or judgmental despite only picking out things that didn't match. Didn't match what, exactly?

He wasn't Junhee.

The realization had you suddenly shooting up from your seat, interrupting the poor male's answer to your question about his major and spilling out several apologies as you even fought to put money down for your own food. It took quite a few more 'I'm really sorry's before you were speeding out of the small restaurant; you'd make sure to call him later.

You found yourself in the only place that made sense: banging hard on the door of the RA for your building, hardly caring if you disturbed anyone else.

'What?' was the greeting you received from a very frustrated Donghun, wanting nothing more than to be left alone again. And yes, you called each other your friend.

'We have a really, really big problem.'

Being a mutual friend and despite not wanting to get involved in anyone's "drama", he spent two hours talking you out of it, down from it and against it, reminding you just why your newfound feelings for your best friend were a problem. He even reminded you of your comment, three years ago, about how you could never possibly like Junhee; how he remembered that and you didn't, you didn't care to ask.

You returned home a wreck, tired and wanting to burn your own emotions. Were you really uncovering some unconsciously buried feelings or did you just like the fact that he /saw/ you? He'd seen you nearly on your deathbed sick.

He'd seen you living in a depression nest for two weeks, barely able to get out a bed and eating nothing but honey buns and cereal.

He'd seen you grieve family members and pets; seen you walk into the rain and scream at the top of your lungs because of how lost in despair you'd been.

He'd seen you drunk and stupid; he'd seen you the night after a one night stand and hungover to the point you wanted to fight the sun.

He'd sat by you absolutely throwing your guts up.

He had seen every single side of you and you'd seen the same from him but it only started to stack further and further.

You knew his favorite songs because God forbid he only have one. You knew his favorite color, favorite food and his weird retirement plan that involved a tiny petting zoo of his own that he refused to just call a farm. Your pins for everything were each other's birthdates and he was the only other name on your bank account. Why?

Staring down at the menu you'd seen over a hundred times, you were sure, you couldn't decide on just what sounded good and part of you just wanted everything. Those moments staring at words that started to blur, you noticed Junhee hadn't touched his menu and kept shifting around, visibly uncomfortable for reasons you couldn't possible figure out.

'It's unlike you to not be going off about the food here.. or already having ordered your favorite drink that, I recall, you said you'd die without if you didn't have it every time you came here,' you began, closing the menu and setting it down with narrowed eyes, 'what's going on?'

'It's stupid. Just.. order and get some food, I'll probably just eat later. I'm not really hungry.'

That was a bold faced lie and you knew it, the concern growing. 'And, what's the oh-so-stupid reason, exactly?'

It took him a minute, shifting more and acting like a child who had gotten in trouble. 'I, uh.. I can't really..' he gestured around, lips pursed and growing even more upset by the second, you could tell by the way he was trying to stop himself from frowning. 'Can't really afford it.' You were college students, it wasn't the world's biggest secret if you couldn't afford something.

'Do you really think I'm just going to eat in front of you?' You snorted, avoiding any comment that would further his being upset over the situation, 'Don't worry about it and order, okay?'

Financial struggles were no quiet matter between the two of you and never had been since you started school. Junhee lived off campus in an apartment with two shitty roommates, a terrible part time job and parents that pretty much didn't care if he perished on the side of the street somewhere. You, on the other hand, which you didn't like bringing up, were doing fine but only because your parents dropped something of an 'allowance' into your account for foods and necessities.

You ignored his attempt to argue and told him if he didn't order something, you were going to do it for him; he shut up.

The next day, you took a trip to the bank.

You could feel eyes on you as you splayed across the couch, staring at the ceiling and contemplating life and all of it's annoyances. No question left you but even if you wanted to say something, you were cut off.

'So, are you going to tell me what's going on? For the past.. three weeks? You've been asking me all sorts of weird stuff,' Junhee inquired, frowning thoughtfully, 'Are you testing me or something? Trust me, yes, I remember every single second I've spent with you. I remember every word you've said, the names of every guy you've been with and the ones I'd like to fight. I remember every birthday and gift I've given you and the ones you've given me. Yes, I remember your favorite things and everything so, what's the deal?'

It sounded sentimental at first but then you noticed that all too familiar waiver in his voice and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed his hands fiddling with the chain bracelet that had adorned his wrist for five years; he wanted to cry. A crying Junhee was something no one ever wanted on your hands and you briefly recalled a phone call from a very panicked Byeongkwan because of just that but you were letting your thoughts get off topic.

'I think I'm in love with you.'

'If you don't want to be fri-'

You were both cut off as your head turned to finally look at him, soaking in the unreadable expression on his features when someone busted through the door; 'Look!'

Both of you looked towards your two friends that invited themselves into your door, one holding a new cat and the other looking just as pleased with the announcement but it gradually dropped. 'Shit, did we interrupt something?' Of course, you always knew when you finally and truly confessed to someone that it would be Byeongkwan who ruined the whole thing; you used it as an escape, though, reminding yourself of what the confession could do to your friendship.

'New minion, I see,' you chimed, sitting up and ignoring the question, both of them, as you rose to greet Donghun's new pet. You were ignorant to the looks shared between the three boys and you were happy about that.

Now, you just had to avoid it ever coming up again until it was forgotten.

Junhee, however, didn't want that to happen.

After about an hour of chitchatting and ignoring the gaze of your best friend, you excused yourself under the excuse of having a meetup for a class, despite it being your dorm, and managed to weasel your way out. There was really nowhere to go, no one to talk to and you surely didn't have any plans for the next week; you ended up at the café on campus. It was quiet and filled mostly with a few students doing work and the two members of staff behind the counter, one eventually joining you at the table. He didn't say anything, waited for you to stop your dramatic Disney scene and acknowledge him.

'Would you date me, Yu?'

Taken a bit off guard, he ended up snorting. 'I can't tell if this is a trap or you want the genuine answer,' he replied, crossing his arms atop the table, 'but, on the hand that it's serious.. probably. I mean, I definitely wouldn't turn you down. We've known each other for a few years, hang out on a regular basis.. get along and have a lot of similar interests. So, yeah.'

The answer made your lips draw into a deep frown and you tapped your fingers against the cup, soaking up every word. 'Even though we're friends? What if we broke up?'

A soft 'ah' came from him as he realized what was really going on and he shrugged, thinking it over for a minute or two. 'We're both adults and I don't believe either of us would do something so that the breakup would be something that could ruin our friendship. I understand it would be like.. friends then it being intimate then back to friends, but I think both of us are mature enough to deal with that and not let it bother us too much.' He spoke like he'd been through it several times and in reality, it had only been once, a small fling with a mutual friend but they still seemed pretty okay. 'Is this about Jun?'

'Does everyone know?' You groaned out, releasing the cup to lean back and rub your hands over your face in defeat, 'I.. I told him I think I love him then Kwan and Donghun showed up and I bailed because now I don't actually want to face him or admit to ever actually saying it. I do! I do love him! I don't.. I don't want to lose him, you know?'

You could see the way the latter looked at you, sympathetic and calculating what words wouldn't just stress you out further. 'Look.. I know you don't want to hear it from me or anyone else for that matter because you want to keep saying it'll ruin your friendship when in reality, you don't like the idea that you could hurt each other, I was the same way with Donghun, so I understand.. but, you should really see all this from an outsider's point of view. Junhee looks at you like you hung the moon and you look at him like he painted the stars; yes, it's been like that since I've met you and a reminder, it's been years. I don't know what took you so long to realize it or if you've just avoided it this whole time but anyone would have to be blind not to see it. Now,' he sighed deeply as he finished and straightened, 'I think you should probably go and talk to him about it considering you just confessed then ditched but it's your choice. I don't think you have anything to worry about.. for either of you. You're the most loyal person I know, so I have no doubt you'd ever hurt him in a way that would ruin you guys and he can barely swat at a fly or sit still through hearing thunder, you think he's going to do something? Regardless.. one of these days, soon, you'll have to face it and I really hope you don't go into it with the cliché reason of your friendship being ruined.'

The words sank in slow and you wanted nothing but to cry your eyes out because he was right; he always was and you hated it. It took a while for you to speak and he seemed okay with that, briefly leaving you to fill a couple orders before returning. 'I know you're leaving for break tomorrow.. tell him before then.' Those were his last words before he bid you good luck and a good night, heading back to his own dorm, most likely to call Donghun now that he'd projected just a little bit.

Irrationality was a word that would be in your character description box and the word stupid could very well be right next to it because when you got home, you packed your bag and decided to leave early, not bothering to let any of your friends know. You needed time and you were being selfish, so selfish to the point you thought maybe he'd just hate you when you got back.

Oh boy were you wrong.

Two days into being back home and confiding in your mother who promptly smacked you upside the back of the head, you found yourself sitting on the porch and moping, split between what to do. You suspected the boys were a bit angry with you when you noticed the ample amount of texts, voicemails, social messages and phone calls that had gone ignored; you caught a glimpse of the absolute book Yuchan took the time to send you, leaving you kind of scared to even open it. It didn't take long for the guilt to set in but you chose to wait until you were back on campus to deal with it.

Or at least, that was your plan.

'So, I know you've never been a fan of confrontation but.. you've never been the type to run away.'

The sudden voice startled you as you hadn't even noticed anyone pull up and of course, upon looking up, you were met with the face you were trying to avoid the most. Junhee stood at the end of the sidewalk looking pitiful and shifting his weight in a nervous manner. You didn't bother trying to speak, not knowing what to say but you did wait for the rant, the berating that you deserved; that wasn't who he was though.

He even stayed quiet for a minute or two, making his way closer to sit on the steps, looking up towards your figure. 'Did you mean it?'

You could have answered right away, poured your heart out and let out the tears you'd been holding in since the moment you left. Instead, you stayed quiet and pulled your knees closer to your chest, not trusting your own voice. He didn't relent though, reaching out to lightly nudge your knee.

'That's all I need to know.. did you mean it? If.. if you didn't I can just leave and we don't have to bother with it again.'

'And, if I did..?' Finally finding your voice, you looked over to him, chewing hard on your lower tier, nervous and kind of wanting to throw up.

You could see him thinking it over before a faint smile showed up. 'I'd most likely cry.. but I'm going to cry either way,' he began, shrugging his shoulders while moving up to sit next to you, 'I'd also tell you that I love you, too and I've been trying to tell you that for years now.'

The confession made your heart flutter, your skin burn and the butterflies being kept back burst in delight in your gut. 'Even.. after everything we've been through? Everything you've seen..?'

Junhee nodded. 'Mhm. I'd go through it all again and what do you mean? I've seen nothing but you.'

[dallaswinstonsleatherjacket]

Steveboy-Ain’t Good Enough

Ok heres my crappy Steveboy fanfic for @shyscissorsaesoph

im not sure if i followed the prompt or not so i can re-write it if you want lol

***

Pony didn't know much about Steve Randle, but he knew he hated him.

He hated the way he stole Soda, cause he was his brother first, and then Steve came along and they were talking about cars and girls and parties, and Pony wasnt allowed in the bubble, past the wall they had created.

He hated the way he did his hair, the swirls all around created of hair grease, and Pony never saw him do it, but it should’ve taken hours. But somehow he knew he didn't.

He hated, most of all, the way Steve made him feel, because god, he knew he had something for Steve, something he pushed down deep inside and tried not to think about, focusing on hating him instead.

And that's when he was surprised to come home after school, dropping his bag on the floor and grabbing a book out of it and heading to his room to read, opening the door to his bedroom only to find Steve, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Steve?”

Steve looked up, looking surprised to see Pony there.

“Hey, kid. Sorry, just waiting for Soda.”

“We have a living room for a reason, Randle.”

“Yeah. Sorry, just wanted to...it doesn't matter.”

Steve stood up to leave, but Pony, now curious, grabbed his arm, and Steve spun around.

“Don't touch me, kid,” he said sharply, trying to ignore the heat on his cheeks, and Pony let go immediately, although Steve kind of wished he hadn't.

“Sorry.”

Steve sighed. “No, I’m so-nevermind. What did you want?”

Pony grinned. “Tell me why you're here.”

“No way.” Steve shook his head, turning towards the door again.’

“Come onnnn.”

“No chance, kid. Get a life, ya hear?”

Pony followed Steve out to the living room. “It can't be that bad. Besides, you hate me, right? It's not like you care about my opinion.”

Steve wanted to yell that he didn't hate him, but he kept his mouth closed and turned on the tv, flicking through the channels.

“Fine.” Pony smiled, a little evilly, and Steve regarded him warily.

“Tell me what it is, or I’ll tell Sodapop you like him.

Steve nearly choked on air, turning to face Pony, almost laughing.

“You’ll-where did you even get that from, huh kid?”

“I heard you talkin’ the other day to Two-bit about how you're soft for the Curtis kid. So will ya tell me now?”

Steve tried to come up with a snappy response, but failed. “You’re out of your mind, Pony. Out of your damn mind.”

“Mmm,” Pony hummed, almost in enjoyment. “I guess I am.”

Steve pulled out a cigarette angrily, ignoring one of Darry’s most prominent rules, and lit it, taking a deep drag before resting his head on the back of the couch.

Ponies voice softened a little. “Listen, Steve, I know I ain’t your best friend, but Sodas got the late shift, Darry’s at work, Johnny and Dally are off somewhere, and Two-bits probably drunk. I'm just saying, I don't judge.”

Steve looked at Pony, eyes flashing. “You really want to know, kid? I like someone, I really like them, you know? Like you and that Cherry girl. And they can't like me back, they don't like me back, and they never will. And it fucking sucks man, it fucking does. That what you wanted to hear?”

Pony was looking at his hands now, trying to avoid Steve's stare.

“I’m sorry, Steve...I shouldn't have forced it out of ya…”

Steve remained silent.

“Its-Its a boy, innit?”

Steve regarded Pony for a minute, before nodding.

Pony went silent. It was a while before he spoke again, voice still quiet, eyes still cast downwards.

“Have you-have you asked him yet? Like how they feel?”

Steve shook his head, eyes forward now, trying not to break, to show any more emotion.

“Maybe you should. You never know, right?”

Steve shook his head again. “No, I could never tell them. Even if they liked me, their...family would kill me, I’m too much trouble for them. I ain’t good enough anyhow.”

Pony sighed. “I ain’t good enough either. Don't get good enough grades, don't do enough chores, don't like women. I don't know, Steve, I really don't know.”

And Pony stood up and went outside for a smoke, leaving Steve with a million questions.

[fancifulwhump]

i’m a simple bitch who likes seeing jaskier get kidnapped and geralt having to rescue him lmao

AN:   as you ask, so shall you recieve.   protective geralt going from beast-mode to soft??  that’s my jam, dude

In Geralt’s complete defense, the risks of leaving Jaskier unattended — of which past experience had proven were many — really paled in comparison to a Devourer attack.

Rather, an attack by multiple Devourers, at the same bloody time, with the tenacity of a pack of wild wolves. The flesh-craving beasts showed little interest in a Witcher’s mutated blood. They wanted human flesh, and human alone. A reign of terror stretching on for weeks before Geralt happened upon the poor mining village in the mountains made that clear enough. People could no longer venture from their homes without risk of being torn to bits by a sulking monster. Geralt’s arrival was a blessing to them. Jaskier’s presence — for, having hit a creative dry spell, he'd been following Geralt for the last few weeks, to “fan the flames of inspiration” — was just convenient. 

Geralt never liked using the bard as bait. This had nothing to do with any moral qualms; any time Jaskier involved himself in a kill, things got complicated. He simple had a talent for getting in the way. Trouble was drawn to him like a magnet; rather than avoid it, the idiot almost seemed to invite it. Geralt tried to keep Jaskier out of the way during jobs because bailing him out of danger was more trouble than any amount of coin was worth.

That, and he’d rather not see his companion be mauled or swallowed whole by a monster. 

Sometimes, however, Jaskier’s presence during a job could actually be useful. Like it or not, Geralt had to put him to work.

“This isn’t my first time playing irresistibly seductive meat-sack, you know,” huffed the meat-sack in question, carefully fastening his lute to a pack strung along Roach’s side. When Jaskier looked up at Geralt, his eyes glittered. Whatever thrill he got from being in mortal peril, it was probably worrying. “Practically used to it by now. Could make it a profession. Thank the gods I’m here, too, or what else would you have done? Picked up a nice, juicy steak from the market, and dressed it up like a toddler?”

Geralt snorted, unsheathing a dagger from his belt. It was a small, silver-bladed thing — better for throwing than stabbing, though it could be useful at close range. The hilt was almost too small for his hands. In Jaskier’s, it fit perfectly.

“Only if you need it,” he said. Jaskier gripped the blade, eyes wide with fascination, before nodding and tucking it into his own belt. “Quick slashes. If you have to stab, stab deep.”

Of course, Jaskier couldn’t fight, and he certainly didn’t stand a chance against a monster… but at least he wouldn’t be completely helpless.

So, Jaskier was sent on ahead, and did what he did best — played the oblivious fool. Only when he’d blustered along the mountainside for about ten minutes, leading Roach along as the Witcher silently trailed them both, did their plan show signs of success. In the distance, a few rocks shifted. Pebbles rolled down the mountainside. The faint trill of birdsong went quiet.

Jaskier had been humming to himself, but his voice cut off abruptly. His head raised; he glanced around. That was all he had time to do before a blur suddenly shot out of the cave, launching itself at him.

And another, and another — more than Geralt expected.

In a few swift bounds, he was in the middle of the fray, cutting Devourers down in midair. This was just enough time for the bait to make his escape. With the battle begun, Jaskier leapt on top of Roach and sped off — “somewhere safe”, Geralt had told him.

So maybe Geralt was the fool, for assuming the hapless bard could look after himself. At any rate, he trusted Roach to keep Jaskier out of trouble; the horse always had more sense than he did, anyhow. 

An hour, maybe, or less — that’s how long it took for Geralt, covered in Devourer blood and a few new scratches, to follow the trail his horse and companion left, only to come up empty handed. Not being able to hear Jaskier’s annoying caterwaul was the first sign of trouble. Coming across a lute in the bushes, smashed and abandoned, was the second.

Picking up the remnants of the familiar instrument, Geralt’s hands tightened around the wood; he sighed through his nose, barely able to restrain his own frustration.

Served him right for letting Jaskier near his bloody horse... and letting them both out of his sight.

Witcher senses were better honed for tracking than even the most astute hunter. It also helped that the bandits didn’t bother to cover their tracks well. The left a trail of broken twigs, snapped branches, and footprints behind them. However much of a head start the group — Geralt counted five sets of footprints, maybe six — had on him, it didn’t take long to track them down.

Even so, it took long enough. Too long.

He could smell the blood before the noises reached his ears. Perhaps the senses hit at the same time, and he just didn’t register; as soon as that metallic tang hit his nose, all-too-familiar, Geralt saw red. Blood meant nothing on its own, but this blood held a familiar scent — he’d recognize it anywhere. It was as familiar to him as that annoying voice, or that smirk any time Jaskier said something he thought was particularly funny. Blood could belong to anyone, but Jaskier’s blood was his, and Geralt could smell a lot of it.

Blood, and noise, and shouting — not Jaskier’s voice, but a stranger’s rough tone, spitting venom in a language Geralt faintly recognizes. A horse’s frustrated wail. Sharpening blades. And underneath it all… a strangled whimper.

Geralt found the bandits’ campsite.

As for whatever happened at the campsite… well, he couldn’t be held responsible.

By the time the last of the thieves took off running into the forest, stumbling over himself in horror, the bandits’ camp was utterly quiet. Before his body hit the tree, the big one had been making an awful lot of noise. So was the quick one, when he hissed at Geralt and tried to draw his sword; thankfully, Geralt was quicker. Now, in the silence, with nothing but his heavy breathing as he came back to awareness, Geralt could see everything.

Roach was unharmed, tied to a tree. She stomped her feet as Geralt came closer, as if applauding his quick work… but Geralt’s attention turned in a second, from her to the other side of the clearing. Silence reigned there as well, and it was unnerving. 

Jaskier was never silent. Jaskier didn’t know how to be silent. 

The figure slumped against the base of the tree, chest bound with rope and head bowed, did not make a sound.

The stench of blood grew overwhelming the closer Geralt got. He had to force himself not to focus on it. Instead, he honed in on Jaskier’s heart, beating a steady rhythm in his chest. Not faltering, not stuttering — he was alive, then. Unconsciously, a sigh of relief escaped Geralt, loud in the silent woods.

Then he saw the blood staining a head of dark hair, trailing down Jaskier’s jaw.

“Shit.” Immediately, he dropped to one knee, hand finding his companion’s shoulder. The battered captive’s face scrunched you in pain when Geralt gripped it. “Jaskier. Hey! Jaskier.” Unwilling to hurt him any further, Geralt shook his companion lightly. “Wake up.”

It was just enough — or maybe the pain from Geralt’s touch pulled him back into wakefulness. Jaskier stirred, head sluggishly rolling on his shoulders. For a moment, he struggled to lift it, as though his skull were filled with lead rather than gray matter. When he finally managed, he blinked sluggishly up at Geralt, pupils blown wide. Concussion, then, Geralt thought, and had to bite back another curse.

“Ah hah — the mighty Witcher!” Jaskier’s head fell back like a doll’s; still, he offered Geralt a wide grin. His teeth were stained with blood, from the busted corner of his lip. “Knew you’d come for me. It was only a matter of time. Caught about half that fight, I think. Just half. Til you threw that one lad down the hill.”

Was it any surprise that even half-senseless, Jaskier still didn’t know how to shut up? Geralt just took it as a good sign that he was talking. While the bard blathered on, he busied himself checking Jaskier over for further injuries. His shoulder was probably dislocated; he’d have some colorful bruises in the morning; there were a few deep scratches along his face and bare forearms, like he’d been dragged through brush…

“Mmm. Geralt. Hey.” Jaskier’s movement was sudden — like a marionette unable to control his own limbs, his arm raised, landing heavily on Geralt’s shoulder. When Geralt looked up, Jaskier’s head was lolling to the side. He seemed to be putting in a valiant effort to stay awake. Half opened eyes remained trained on Geralt, warm with an emotion Geralt could not name, but left him feeling immensely guilty. He should have gotten here sooner. He shouldn’t have let Jaskier out of his sight in the first place.

“Look,” said Jaskier — and, very deliberately, nodded towards the thug still crumpled at the base of a nearby tree. The tree’s trunk had a dent in it. Geralt wished he’d thrown him harder. “In the pockets,” insisted Jaskier, giving Geralt a weak push of encouragement.

Bemused, Geralt made his way over; hoisting the thug’s body up by the back of his jacket, he shook him out for any spare bits. A shower of gold pieces greeted him, along with a pair of rings… and a silver-bladed dagger, stained with blood. Geralt lifted the familiar blade, frowning at it. When his gaze turned to Jaskier again, a grin, bleary but proud, greeted him.

“Jus’ like you said,” Jaskier slurred, then let out a dry crackle of laughter. “I stabbed ‘im deep. And they did not appreciate that, let me tell you —“

“Damn it, Jaskier,” Geralt muttered, hand tightening around the blade.

Yet another mistake to tally for the day. Giving Jaskier a weapon was supposed to keep him out of trouble, not damn him deeper.

Without bothering to clean it off, Geralt rounded on Jaskier, blade clutched in his hands. Jaskier’s unfocused gaze tracked his approach with obvious effort. However hard he was trying to stay awake, he was fighting a losing battle. Even so, not a flicker of fear crossed Jaskier’s face at the sight of a hulking Witcher, advancing with a blade in hand.

Geralt cut Jaskier’s bonds in a few quick strokes. As soon as he was no longer bound to the tree, Jaskier slumped forward. It took Geralt’s quickest reflexes to lurch sideways, catching him before he could hit the ground. A dead weight in his arms, Jaskier let out a small moan.

“What is it?” Geralt demanded. As he shifted the injured man into an easier position, Jaskier inhaled sharply, face twisting up in pain. Another groan sounded through clenched teeth, but a second later Jaskier forced a strained smile.

“Kicked me in the chest — more than once.”

Geralt didn’t need to test the statement any further. As gently as he was capable of being, he eased Jaskier back against the tree. Broken ribs would be more of a headache than all of Jaskier’s other injuries combined, but hopefully he didn’t shatter so easily. Human bodies were so fragile; Geralt saw it every day, of course, in the remains of men torn apart by monsters. Seeing it firsthand was different. Seeing Jaskier, of all people, wounded and in pain… something in Geralt’s chest was drawn tight, like a clenched fist, and the more his companion swallowed back sounds of pain, the tighter it got.

“Better get you up, then,” he muttered. Jaskier nodded, face still screwed up. A long moment passed before his hand tightened on Geralt’s shoulder, and it took yet another moment before he managed to hoist himself upright.

Finding his feet was another challenge. Geralt did his best to offer support without brutalizing Jaskier’s injuries further. No sooner did he pull himself up, however, than Jaskier began to teeter. When his gaze slipped out of focus, Geralt’s arm twined around him. He caught him just as Jaskier’s knees began to buckle.

A yell shattered the illusion of quiet around them, ripping through Jaskier’s body like a physical attack. As fresh pain rippled through his chest, he shoved away from Geralt, who released him without protest. For a moment, it seemed certain that Jaskier would topple. His breathing heavy, each gasp an effort that nearly knocked him sideways, he finally managed to find his feet. Wide eyed, he gazed at Geralt, twisting a protective arm around his chest.

“I’m — I’m okay.” Jaskier put a hand up. “I’m fine. But next time — next time I fall, Geralt, don’t bother catching me.”

Geralt arched an eyebrow. In response, Jaskier shook his head. “I can manage on my own.”

And to his credit, he did. He managed to get on Roach, at least, and the horse carried him back the rest of the way. Jaskier didn’t lose consciousness once, no matter how his head lolled or his senses drifted. Geralt didn’t mind the slurred ramblings, weaving their way through utter nonsense. Only when Jaskier went silent did he worry. Each time, he looked up to find his friend fading, blue eyes half-shut, head falling against his shoulder. Geralt gave a bruising pinch to the flesh of his arm, and Jaskier awoke again.

The nearest inn was a night’s ride from their campsite, and it was getting dark already. By the time they made it back, there seemed little sense going any further, especially with Jaskier in his state. He fell into his bed as soon as Geralt had it laid out on the ground, and did not have the energy to raise his head, even when Geralt offered him a sip of much-needed water.

“‘M fine,” Jaskier muttered. His muted tone suggested he was anything but; Geralt wouldn’t argue, though, if rest was really what Jaskier needed. 

“We need to set your shoulder,” he remarked, keeping his voice low for Jaskier’s benefit. “And clean the blood from your head. That wound ought to be bandaged.”

Jaskier nodded along slowly, as thought everything Geralt was saying made perfect sense. His eyes were closed, expression unchanging, so however much he really understood was anyone’s guess. Frowning, Geralt took the liberty of wetting a cloth himself. Hesitating for just long enough to wonder which decisions in his life brought him to this point — to caring so deeply for someone so easily breakable, so human — he set the cloth against Jaskier’s bloodied face. As the grime was sponged away, Jaskier could not help but sigh in relief.

“That’s the stuff,” he muttered. “All I need. Just… rest, Geralt? Can we? Is that okay?”

Geralt considered him for a moment. “Yes, Jaskier. We can rest awhile.”

This was all he needed to hear. Jaskier smiled, setting his head back down on his pack once more; as his eyes drifted shut, Geralt fought off an instinctive flash of worry. Hand tightening around the damp cloth, he brought it back to Jaskier’s face, and continued cleaning the remnants of that bloody encounter.

Next time they faced down monsters, he might think twice about letting Jaskier out of his sight… but no matter what trouble he fell into, Geralt would always be there to pull him out.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

When did you find out about MM and how?

I had to write this whole thing again DAMMIT TUMBLR

So, I first found out about MM while browsing the play store, I found it and saw cute fellas so I said why not? I think it had already been released for a few months. And it was back when it looked like this:

Awww brings back memories doesn’t it?

Anyhow, I uninstalled it because I was still on fucking school, and I couldn’t really take my phone out to check the chatrooms lmao. I remember I was playing Zen’s route, since at the time I was a hoe for all them flirty guys (oh how the turned have tables)

Then, in late 2017-early 2018 I found the game again. And I was like you know what? Let’s play. At this point I had logged in as a guest (my dumbass hadn’t registered before) and I think since it was like the time for Christmas and New Years, I got a buuunch of hourglasses. I honestly have no idea how I got that many, but I had enough to unlock deep story.

And off to romance Seven I went (leaving Zenny’s route for the second time, RIP lmao)

I fell in love with that dumbass, and I still had enough hourglasses to buy the SE, I will admit, they really made me feel some things.

I mean imagine my shock, since I just got the Mint Eye thing out of nowhere (without having it build up with the other routes lol) and the amount of plotwists!!! It was great.

I also remember crying. I think I was close to tears when V died, since from what I had seen I was feeling pretty bad for the dude, and had shifted the whole blame on Rika. The point where I cried though, (TW depression, suicide) was when Saeran talked about ending his life. It just resonated so much with me at the time, and I just felt my heart break to see him feeling the same way I did.

I remember after playing Sevens route I just uninstalled the game again since I wasn’t really interested in the other characters (IM SORRY MY CHILDREN.)

Then let’s do a time skip to like, late 2019. I was browsing Pinterest (I was a Pinterest gal lmao) and I found a meme about Saeran from MM, with Ray as easy mode, suit as medium and then unknown as hard, and I was like: wut

I did know there were two new routes (also I didn’t connect it was Saeran for some reason? Ma’am tf why u so dumb PFT) and I put it off until chirtmas, where I was having a super though time, and I decided to play the game again. (First I played Saeyoungs route though lol, I needed to refresh my memory a bit, and that’s when my view on various things began to change)

Thinking about it, I honestly have really blurry memories of the first time I played the Another Story routes. I was in such a fucking dark place, and I think playing the game sometimes made me super tired (the ending was worth it tho, it was my emotional support)

I remember when I got the prologue, and I was so freaking excited (I bought the hourglasses lol) and- lord. WHEN WE GET TO MINT EYE

OUR ROOM

THE MUSIC

THE FREAKING MUSIC

Can I just say, I got goosebumps, I was in such a depressed mood before but that music? It made me shift completely, I cannot explain how happy I felt, how giddy and bubbly, it’s so weird but I rarely feel like that (unless I listen to music.) I was SO EXCITEDDDDD.

I played Ray’s route first, and I fucking FELL IN LOVE. Now, like I’ve said before, I am not one to fall for the cute cinnamon rolls, and if I didn’t know that Ray could be the angsty Unknown we all know, I would’ve probably ignored him at first. BUT I LOVED IT. I loved the Suit story line (I still don’t know if it was portrayed in the best way, and I’m not trying to romanticize the whole MPD) but I loved how we were able to see how deep Ray’s character was. He has such deep scars, and he’s the one that also goes through a LOT of development during the whole storyline. I loved it, everything about it.

Then for V’s route. I had everything planned btw , I was going to play his route and then Jumin’s (I had tried to before I remember, like, when I downloaded it again, I was going to play Jumin’s route and got the BE1 lol, I then decided to go for Saeyoung.)

V’s route broke my heart, especially because of Saeran.

I have said this before too, but I see V more as a friend, and I was never really interested in romancing him, he’s a good guy and he’s cute, yes, but he’s just not my type. Anyway you all know how I feel about V’s route LMAOO.

I loved seeing Rika more though, I thought that was great.

After that heartbreak instead of playing Jumin’s route I did Ray’s again lmao, my heart just couldn’t handle it.

Then school began again, and oop there goes MM....

OR DOES IT?!

When quarantine began I played Ray’s route again (can you tell how obsessed I am?) and then Jumin’s route. Then I think I played Sevens route again, and this time I did not enjoy it as much because I fell head over heels for Jumin.

Note: when I first installed it, in 2017? I DID NOT like Jumin. But now I love him so much, he’s so adorable and cute. I just can’t with him.

I also decided to buy all the DLCs, I was so excited for Rika’s behind story (but also kinda mad?? Lmao, but it all wet away when I saw THR YOUNG SAEYOUNG SPRITE I SQUEALED) that’s when I began to analyze Rika and began to understand her more as a character.

Then I played the other routes, and then I played Saeran’s AGAIN

Then after like, six months I fell into the deep tumblr MM hole, and one night at 3am I thought: let me make a friggen blog

And here we are!

Sorry for giving you the whole life story lmao, I just started rambling, but thank you for reading this far :D

And that folks, is how I became the MM hoe I am today 😌 (hope this is the story I tell to my grandchildren)

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 13, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

This scene kind of hurting me. Luna going around Korea living JTE live which is a total opposite of hers. Her curiosity led her to kiss KSJ, left the boy in riddle. But they are from the same “dimension” so its kind of giving us a glimpse of their possible romance if they will be there in their own world

Then poor boy has to see real JTE immeditely and looking a bit startled but still manage to keep his mind working. I love KKN acting here, he is good to keep control of the mood. Also again KGE, i definitely can differ which Luna which JTE just by looking. Luna said she is after JTE not the people around her, makes Luna a villain with an interesting character. Seems like she plays her own role and not following LR.

Move on to Corea, Gon knows how to act reckless to stop PM. I like how the story progress is fast here, he expected danger, he overcome it. This secretary of KU is scary, he knew how to make a deal. I kind of wish this drama was super popular so that they can make spin off of Corea versus KU later 🥺 but not in this timeline, no.

PM is now broken and exposed. I really feel bad for PM Koo, as a character she is interesting, and there is so much more the writer can explore. But it is what it is, im quite satistfied but for a selfish reason i wish to see more to her character. I love how she took the shoes only and go pretty much still with confidence. Im hoping she will be more evil because now we know where she will walk with that shoes. Buttt, again, nobody wants to explore her character more 😭

I love JES reuniom with his family and friend. He is so precious. His been trough a lot and has play important part in Corea, it think much better that JY while in Korea 😅 And i love JES for saying “all the reason for not trading places with him are here” while looking at his people 🥺

We saw Luna in pain, i love this scene because it added well to Luna character. Makes us understand better about her choices of action later on. Also both JTE and Luna have Gemini constelation attached on the wall but them being in a different circumstances still breaks me. I love KES that makes them a Gemini. It was deep.

Some draggy thing but kind of sweet lays in this scene, i mean i know getting to your gf parents is important, but me as a viewer wants to know the tragedy soon. Just a selfish wish. If this happens later i will be extremely swoon over this, but put it here, kind of wasting time. Anyhow, i love the script. Natural. Seeing JTE act direct but shy at the same time and showing her biggest smile is another satisfaction. Best part was when his father asking Gon identity and JTE answer that he is a decent guy 🥺🥺 im soft

Gon is the man with his words, he really not going when JTE ask him not too. And i love both love birds acting here, because Gon being all soft tilting his head after JTE say “if i stop you will you stay?” and Gon say “are you sincere?” and JTE happy he stays another night. I can feel them. JTE buys him a black jacket. BLACK JACKET.

JTE and KSJ coming to investigate PM doppelganger, and coming to know that she is dead and her body found at the Yangsun Care Center and KSJ also going inside 1 room, misterious one.

Gon is alone after JY go to buy Soju, he wish to inform Gon about her mom doppelganger. Also probably he will ask Gon to go back and forget JTE instead of going on with this weird realtionship. But damn all black outfit must have remind the audience (who pays attention to detail) of his savior. Then bell rings, we saw JTE at the door.

This night is a big revelation. Gon realized that the one coming is not JTE but Luna. I love how his eyes cannot leave Luna face, because its has a look of anxiety. And yes we can see the difference. Also i love how they play with mirror here. The writer is so Consistent with Alice in Wonderland reference but in this scene its more to alice through the looking glass. You see yourself in a mirror, showing your trueself giving you revelation you are always been looking for. From Luna to Gon. And here Gon finally see himself as his own savior while revolving around mirror and actually all of this are set to happen as 25 years ago. I would say im amazed. Many people probably predicted who is the savior but how the revelation occurs i think is satisfying. But for me, who guessing that the savior is either KSJ or JY, was even more blown away by this. And got me thinking logically and yes its all make sense

LR also realizing Gon is the savior. I love their scene, they are not in 1 same place but them finishing each other sentences was satisfying. Also the fast pace and the music was great!

And after that we can see Gon in pain ! Apparently Luna put poison on the beer can ! Amazing scene, starting from Gon’s tears fell down and him feel down, parallel to what happen 25 years ago, they paused the music a bit and after we met Gon’s eyes, the music start ! 💯💯

Also the ending credit where we saw clocks going backwards on the King’s title kind of makes sense now!!!! Amazing

How it made me feel:

This episode makes you feel the calm before the storm. Because everything is so scary but still pretty much calm and seems like everything is in control. But the the big revelation shows up at the end. Amazing.

Satisfying emotion arc from the beginning until the end. I love how some issues have been solved some new issues occurs. I love now we got a glimpse of TIME TRAVEL will happen, and cannot wait maube another minute to know how could he can travel back to the past? Still so much riddle and a lot of fun guessing with my friends that day. The tragedy is happening and i really cannot wait to know which theory are true and how can they solve this catastrophe?! Many people complain their ability to communicate, because knowing Luna is here they should have told each other that thing first. But having to know many things happen while JTE gone, i kind of understand the misscomm. Everything might be happen in 1/2 days only and they have some things to do in mind they forgot the important thing. Very unfortunate. And also JTE will think that JY always stays with Gon, what bad could happen 😅

Anyway Kudos to all the actors, writers, but especially the production team. They can deliver all amazing act and emotion with their well thought expensive techniques!

[heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet]

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th 

Mood/anxiety = numb. 

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick. 

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO. 

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done. 

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep. 

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator. 

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship. 

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same. 

---Emotionally it hurts the same. 

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way. 

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they  could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me  buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am. 

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation. 

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate. 

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally. 

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety -  still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested. 

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way. 

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean. 

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board. 

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum. 

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far. 

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine. 

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict. 

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed. 

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings. 

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days. 

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely. 

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness". 

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room. 

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod. 

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am. 

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes. 

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok. 

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change 

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house. 

We are having a picnic social distancing style. 

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around.  But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is 

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction) 

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives. 

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball  gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant. 

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past. 

[blustersquall]

Hunting and Conversation

Arthur takes Isabel out of camp so she can stretch her legs and hunt a little. They talk, and he learns more about her.

Tagged: @ineedpeetalikehekneadsbread

Still getting a grip on Arthur’s character, and Isabel’s. It’s a challenge to write the way they speak in game.

It was a few days after her arrival that Arthur checked up on Isabel. She remained in camp, recovering from her ordeal with the O’Driscoll’s while Arthur was gone with Javier on an easy job breaking into a homestead.

When he left, she was still in the torn clothing he found her in. On his return, he found her dressed in a cream shirt that once belong to Karen, and a corn-flower blue skirt that was one Mary-Beth no longer wore but had kept. The high button boots were once Tilly’s. Her hair was tied back, she was free of blood, and the bruises and cuts she had sustained were beginning to fade and heal.

A bed was set up for her with the other women of the camp. Not that Arthur was at all surprised that Isabel was keeping her distance from the men of the camp. Given her encounter with the O’Driscolls, he imagined she’d had about enough of men for life. He gave her space on his return. First going to the tithe box and depositing a few dollars and valuable trinkets he picked up. Then to his own tent, where he changed clothes and took the time to shave. When he was ready, he slid his hat back into place and went to where Isabel was sitting in camp, reading the newspaper Hosea almost always had on hand.

“How y-” he stopped, noticing Isabel start at the sound of his voice. Sliding his thumbs into his gun belt, Arthur leaned to one side. “Sorry, didn’t mean t’startle you.”

She put the paper to one side and peered back over her shoulder at him, “it’s fine. I was miles away.” She rose to her feet, dusting imaginary dirt from the back of her skirt. “How did the homestead job go?”

Arthur gave a wry smile. No one in the gang hid what they did. Who they were, the way the lived wasn’t a secret by any means… it was just amusing to hear someone from outside the gang ask about it so casually.

“Fine,” he answered. “Decent enough take.” Isabel nodded, and they remained silent, each searching for something to say. Arthur recovered first. “How y’settlin’ in?”

“Alright.” She put the paper on the table, folded. “I been tryin’ to be useful, but I’m gettin’ a little restless. Ain’t one to stay in one place for long.”

“Wanna go hunting?”

“Sure,” Isabel visibly brightened at the suggestion. Only for her face to fall a moment later. “Only… all my guns an’ supplies were taken, so...”

Arthur rubbed the back of his neck. Stupid and incompetent as always, putting his foot in his mouth. He cleared his throat, trying to recover from his comment. “Well, if we’re huntin’ nearby then its best to use somethin’ silent. Draws less attention to the camp. You can use my bow. You’re probably a better shot than me, anyhow.”

The corner of her mouth quirked into a brief smile. Not as bright as a few moments before, but still genuine. “Thank you, Mr Morgan.”

He gathered his bow from where he stored it at camp in his ten, and a mixture of normal and small game arrows that he carried with him while Isabel kept a tight grip on the bow. He noticed she wrung her hands around the wooden shaft as they left the security of the camp. It was probably the first time she’d left since she arrived. It didn’t matter how eager she was to have a change of scenery, leaving that safe space was bound to be disconcerting, at first.

They walked a passed Bill on watch, making a slow trek down the hill and out of the woods. The sound of the river was clear, covered only by bird song and the occasion chitter of something or other in the trees. Arthur handed Isabel an arrow which she nocked, keeping an eye out while they continued through the grass.

Silence again. Born of her concentration, and Arthur’s uncertainty of what to talk about. In a way, it didn’t matter. Talking would frighten away any potential game after all, but he still knew very little about the woman he rescued. That bothered him.

“Your horse.” He started, and stopped, grimacing. An excellent topic, the horse that was killed. In the escape from Blackwater he lost his own beloved mare, Boudicca. A loss that still stung. That horse was as ornery as anything, but she was a good horse. Loyal and foolhardy. Arthur would miss her for a long time, yet.

“Willow,” Isabel replied. “Her name was Willow.”

Arthur adjusted one of his rolled-up sleeves. “What kind of horse was she?”

“Hungarian-half breed.“ She paused in her steps, drew back the arrow and loosed it. There was a shocked squeak from tall grass several yards away. Arthur knew a direct hit when he heard one and followed Isabel to where there was now a rabbit with an arrow sticking out of its right eye. She picked it up and removed the arrow. Arthur took the carcass from her, slung it over his shoulder and continued to follow. “She was a good horse. Fearless. Sooner stomp a snake to death, than shy away from it.”

“Had ‘er a long time?”

“Five years.” Isabel drew another arrow back, held the position for a moment before relaxing. Whatever she was aiming at was gone. “Before her, I had an appaloosa called Frigg.”

“Norse mythology?” asked Arthur, quirking a brow and peering up from beneath his hat. He knew a little about mythologies from different cultures through Hosea, and his insistence that Arthur read and keep reading. As a young man, Arthur resented being plied with books. Now as an adult, he was glad Hosea was so determined that he not only know how to read but keep reading. Reading fed his mind. Reading, along with his drawing, kept him sane when things were quiet and there was a lull in jobs. Reading kept him thinking. Though Arthur knew he was too stupid for his thoughts to be of any real consequence.

Isabel glance at him from slightly over her shoulder with an enigmatic smile, “my Pa told ‘em to me. My favourite stories was about Frigg, and the Valkyries always fascinated me as a kid.”

“Your pa teach you t’read, too?”

“An’ write.” Isabel drew back on the bow. Another arrow gone, another yelp, another rabbit carcass and the arrow in the eye. “He was always teachin’ me somethin’. Would tell me about guns as he was cleanin’ ‘em before I could even walk, so I’m told.”

There was a fondness in her voice when she spoke about her father. It was the first real emotion other than fear and panic that Arthur had heard. “You was close?”

“We was,” Isabel stopped, her gaze taking in the blackened and bare woods now in front of them. A forest fire that swept through the trees not long before Arthur and the gang arrived. “Think is was ‘cause I was a girl. I had four brothers. He was tougher on them than me.”

“Don’t surprise me.” Arthur followed her into the burnt woods. He brushed his book over the singed ground, pushing aside debris and ash to reveal fresh green shoots growing underneath the damage. Somehow, it cheered him to see new life rising from devastation.

“We ain’t close no more.” Isabel said. “Had a fallin’ out when I was fifteen or so. I ain’t seen or spoken to ‘im since.”

“That’s…” Arthur paused, adjusting the two rabbit carcasses on his shoulder. He never had a good relationship with his father, so he couldn’t relate to that. But arguing? Falling out? That he could understand. “Your ma?”

“Dead.” She stood close to a tree, pausing and breathing deep in the silent, eerie forest. Her fingers were closed around the bowstring, arrow ready to draw at the slightest hint of movement. Arthur saw the tension in her shoulders, a clench in her jaw, eyes scanning the bare trees for game. “At least, s’what I was told.”

“You ain’t sure?”

Another shrug. She didn’t elaborate further. Instead she pulled the arrow back and released on an exhale. Arthur saw it pierce the head of a large turkey that was digging around in the brush. One thing was for certain, she was a good hunter. Patient, quick, with deadly aim when still. He wondered how good she was with a rifle, or a revolver, or when moving at speed on horseback. Would she make a good gun to have on jobs? Or would she be a hinderance?

“What about you, Mr Morgan?” Isabel asked, lifting her skirt as it caught on a twig.

“What about me?”

“You been askin’ me lots of questions.” Isabel picked up the dead turkey. Several others continued to scratch at the underbrush about twenty feet away. “From what I been hearin’ in camp, y’all had a bad run of luck in Blackwater? You runnin’ from somethin’?”

“The law.” Arthur replied. “Pinkertons.” Thinking about Blackwater gave him a headache. He knew pieces of what happened, but those who were on the boat seemed reluctant to talk about what went so terribly wrong. Arthur knew what went wrong. Dutch listened to Micah, that’s what went wrong. The job he and Hosea were working on would have gone off without a hitch, and the take would have been plentiful. Why Dutch decided to agree to Micah’s foolish scheme… Now, all the hard work was for nothing, and the money they accumulated over the years was stuck, hidden in Blackwater, with no way to get it.

What a waste.

“Job went south. We had to run.”

“What was the job?”

“Robbery.” Arthur answered after few beats of silence. He observed Isabel as they approached an abandoned campsite. She started to rifle through what remained of the bedrolls and make-shift shelter. It looked as though this was where the fire started. His pregnant pause wasn’t due to that, though. He was simply wary of revealing too much to this woman he rescued. After all, trust was something that didn’t come easy. He barely knew her, and he didn’t know if she intended to stick around or leave. If she left and knew too much, there was no stopping her from going to the Pinkertons and ratting them out. There was something else, too. Some important aspect to Isabel Ashwood he was sure he was missing. She asked about the homestead robbery he and Javier did. She seemed to know the language of outlaws, and that… both confused, and fascinated him.

“Looks like whoever was here left something behind.” Isabel’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. A lockbox was in front of her, charred, but still sealed. She’d pulled it out from underneath some cloth that was once a bedroll.

Arthur placed the rabbits on the ground and knelt beside her. He pulled out his hunting knife, pushed it between the lid and base of the box and forced the box open. Often, the contents were disappointed; a stashed bottle of whiskey was usually as good as it got. This was different. There was a necklace, platinum probably, with pearls between dangling points, a tarnished gold pocket watch, some cocaine gum, and below that a money clip with several bills neatly folded in half.

He smiled, glancing to his side at Isabel, who was watching him with what was probably the first genuine smile he’d seen her make.

“Lucky for us, unlucky for them.” Arthur stated, lifting the valuables from the box and slipping them into his satchel. He quickly counted the money in the clip. Twenty-two dollars. “Here.” He offered it to Isabel.

“I ain’t after no charity.” Isabel snorted, getting to her feet and picking up the turkey carcass by the neck. “You keep it. I’d rather earn my keep.”

“You said yourself, you ain’t got nothing no more.” Arthur followed her, still holding the clip out towards her. “Consider it a finder’s fee. I don’t care. You should take it.” She gave him a shrewd look. He sighed, growing slightly impatient. “You can at least buy your own damn bow with this.”

“What about the box? Ain’t everyone s’posed to contribute?”

Arthur lifted up the rabbits. “You is. Huntin’ is contributin’. We can sell the pelts and the feathers from that bird, and the meat’ll keep us all fed a while longer.”

She looked doubtful, and Arthur didn’t blame her. He would have been sceptical, too. She slowly extended a hand and took the money clip. Arthur watched her thumb through the notes, separating them. She offered him three bills. Eleven dollars. “That’s fair. We both found the box. We both hunted.”

He half-sighed and half-groaned, taking the eleven dollars and pocketing it. There wasn’t any point arguing any more about such a small amount of money and at least she’d taken something. He admired her drive to earn her keep and make her own way, but pride could be… might make things difficult. Though, whether her refusal of the full amount was due to pride or something else, Arthur couldn’t rightly say.

“We should get back,” he said, his boot snapping a brittle branch underfoot. A flurry of wings and caws erupted above from a murder of crows, disturbed by the sound as they all took off from their roost. “It ain’t safe out here for you to wander unarmed.”

“I’d say I’m safe enough with you, Mr Morgan.” Isabel replied, a little playfulness in her tone. She fell into step beside him, and they walked back to the camp in companionable silence.

I saved a woman from a handful of O’Driscolls a few days ago. Isabel Ashwood. Seems nice enough so far, recovering from her ordeal. I watched her pulverize one of the men’s head in with a rock and her own brute strength. Not that I can blame her. I can only imagine what them animals put her through.

Saw in her the same kind of feral nature I seen in Mrs Adler when we found her in the Grizzlies. That will to fight and survive, rather than lay down and die.

She’s settling in slowly. Pearson’s been complaining about more mouths to feed, but he’s the only one been grousing about her. Tilly and Mary-Beth have been kind and welcoming. Karen too, been keepin an eye on her and I heard her giving Uncle what-for more than once when he was gettin’ too forward. She works hard and don’t complain – which makes Miss Grimshaw happy.

On the ride back to camp she told me she was a hunter. Saw that first hand when I lent her my bow and went with her into the woods beyond Horseshoe Overlook to hunt for game. Two rabbits and a wild turkey later I can see she’s got some skill. Good aim. Wondering what she’d be like shooting a moving target or shooting from the back of a horse.

She don’t have one. A horse, that is. O’Driscolls killed it when they attacked her. When she talked about it, made me miss Boudicca all over again. She was a good horse. Deserved a better end than what she got. Maybe I should talk to Dutch, see if we can spare one of the carriage horses? Or see if the stable in Valentine is selling off any for cheap.

Tags/reblogs/comments all welcome. You can send me PMs too, if you have thoughts or questions!

Thanks for reading. <3

[readingwebcomics]

Analyzing Questionable Content: Pages 201-250

Marten’s closer, Dora. Of course she’d go for his first.

Okay, I’m just going to be upfront and honest with you guys. I’m just really not feeling it for this batch of comics, and that’s part of the reason why I had taken the previous week off. That’s not to say this batch is bad or anything, it’s just... I feel like I have a lot less to say about it than I should. So I apologize ahead of time if this feels too short or if it’s much more dull than usual. I’ll try hitting the high points and give you the proper character analysis I can muster here - the fact that what you see right now, with Marten and Dora going on a date and Faye’s reaction to it, will provide quite a deal of character insight.

For example, right here. Not even a single page later and Faye’s genuine irritation over the situation is showing, despite what she has to say about the situation.

Ignoring for the moment the stupid contraction thing (which, if memory serves, will thankfully be dropped after this batch of comics), do Faye’s eyes look... different to you guys? I don’t know, it feels like Jeph’s making an attempt at a slight tweak in his style here and I mostly notice it in Faye’s eyes. I could be looking way too deep into it though, I’m willing to accept that.

They have some light banter, part of which includes Faye continuing to press on the fact that Dora is hyper-sexual and will jump Marten’s bones the second she gets the chance, Faye goes on and continues her nice streak with Marten by offering to make him dinner. Now, I could take this time to point out the obvious, that Faye is clearly doing this much for him not just out of a sense of guilt over how she’s treated him but also bolstered by the fact that, even if subconsciously, she does NOT want Marten to be with another woman and is vying to keep his attention on her... But Faye doesn’t give us a chance to ponder that for very long.

I don’t blame her, the rims of cans are fucking horrifying. Not as bad as the edges of an outlet box, but thin slices of metal ain’t fun let me tell you.

Despite this, there’s really not much to say about the outcome - we learn that Faye’s last name is Whitaker and that this city has a “punching intern” for the local hospital.

That... can NOT be legal. Then again, if this city held itself to any standards of legality I’m certain the Irony Cafe would be closed already due to false advertising. Plus, this is taking place in America and Faye isn’t freaking out more about not being able to afford the hospital bills than the fact she was injured, so maybe that’s the trade-off to having a halfway decent medical facility.

Oh, and when everyone gets back home, we get a bit more insight into the mechanics of Pintsize.

That raises some questions. If this is unique to this particular platform Pintsize’s AI is housed in, how was he able to taste the cake mix in his previous body? If this is universal between Anthro PCs, then why didn’t Marten already know this if he’s been with Pintsize as long as has been implied thus far? I mean I get it, Jeph’s using this as an outlet to create some lore behind the funny robot people in his comic’s universe, but... I dunno, it just feels like this makes Marten seem more incompetent than anything if he didn’t know this about his own Anthro PC. Maybe if he helped explain it alongside Pintsize to Faye to showcase that he knew about this as well? I dunno.

The next day, Steve gives Marten a call:

Faye, your irritation over the situation isn’t exactly subtle. Also I’ve said it before but I’ll keep saying it - sarcastic Marten is best Marten. I like this Marten a lot.

And so, as a wise Skeleton once said... DATE: START!

We’re already off to an amazing start with Ellen kicking off! And, oooh, it looks like she tripped and injured herself in the initial play! Can she recover, folks? Well before we find out, we have another comic involving a drastic art shift deliberately invoked from Jeph:

In all seriousness, the art shift isn’t... bad, per-se, it just looks so drastically different that it catches me off guard. As is what usually happens with Jeph in these situations, it takes the next comic for him to reel himself back and find a happy medium between his original style and the new one he wants to experiment with:

Marine Biology is not for the weak of heart. You knew what you were getting into when you took on that major, Ellen. But yeah, while I’ll get more into detail as to what I think about the art shift at the end of the post, I’ll say here that I like it as a natural evolution. It seems like every time Jeph improves, the face is the bit that gets the most focus every time. Remember just last post when I was complaining Jeph wasn’t talented enough to portray the silent emotion he wanted to in Faye’s face? Now, I feel like he probably could.

The date goes well enough, and the evening comes to a close:

My bet is that Steve’s like the Pied Piper of arachnids. I’d believe it were that the case, at least. Also it was mentioned to me that Marten probably did have the eye-shine like the rest of the cast did, but his eye color just made it harder to spot. In this page, that becomes clearer - still hard to see, but much easier than previously.

Oooh dear. Steve’s in some hot water now. Also I just realized that as of yesterday I’m as old as Steve is. Good God, I’m an actual full-blown adult. Christ.

...I’m going to put off thinking about that for too much longer as we move onto the rest of this batch, okay? Okay.

Anyhow, Dora invites Marten into her apartment for some coffee where she cuts right to the fucking chase:

It’s probably for the best you read the conversation yourself, they’re pages 226-228. I say this mostly because I really don’t have anything to add or comment on here - Dora’s a smart lady who gives good advice here, makes it clear that while she’s interested in Marten she wants him to be happy, and all-in-all is one of the coolest people ever. Go Dora!

Go... Dora. Oh. Well, I still think you’re cool. Let’s give this woman some time and cut back to Steve and Ellen!

I have some things to say about this situation that I’ll touch on a little bit later. Marten gets home and makes it clear to Faye that nothing happened between himself and Dora. While quite clearly relieved, she’s a touch confused.

So I’m not the only one who feels strangely sad whenever I eat a s’mores Pop Tart? Oh who am I kidding, I’ve got depression, I’m always fucking sad. And hey, speaking of sexy times, Pintsize throws his proverbial hat into the ring!

Honestly, I kind of knew I should’ve kept track of that pink Anthro PC, but would you believe me if I told you they never got a name? Also could AI fuck over IM? My bet is that 2004-speed internet wouldn’t exactly make it smooth. But man, imagine having sex over the ‘net on Fiber.

...too much? Too much.

The night ends, Steve parts from Ellen telling her he needs a couple of days to sort his head out, and Faye comforts Marten...

...in, erm, a very Faye way... oh hey, Faye, Fae! I wonder if that was intentional on Jeph’s part. Probably not, Faye isn’t quite a Maniac Pixie Dream Girl. For one thing, she’s better written.

If memory serves, I think Dora mentioned she was a blonde previously? Either way she’s crystal clear with it now. Also, while I complimented Jeph before on his faces... I’m not going to lie, he could stand to improve drawing skirts. I don’t blame the guy, I imagine skirts are fucking hard to draw.

Oh, and here we begin an annual tradition of Questionable Content:

I’d like to start a petition for all Questionable Content fans to go by the fan-name “Turkeys” now. You with me, fellow Turkeys?!

...no? Eh, fair enough.

Here we get some interesting information. At least, it gets interesting in the wake of what comes up later - the timescale is more-or-less confirmed here that this takes place around the early to mid 2000s, likely 2004 or so since that’s when the comic was written. I always assumed, considering we have walking AI around, that the universe of Questionable Content took place in the near future... but rather, it seems more like it takes place in an alternate version of history where our technology is slightly ahead of the curve. And yet a lot of pop culture phenomena remained as it did in our version of history, if what they’re saying is true. Again, this doesn’t get super relevant until later comics where we see just how far advanced the technological level in QC has become.

Ellen drops by the Coffee Shop for some advice:

Faye’s gotten a LOT more open recently. Back near the beginning of this comic she would never, never openly admit to giving into any kind of carnal need, and now here she is candidly talking about private shower times.

And while they’re discussing things at the Coffee Shop, Marten and Steve are having their own conversation back at the apartment:

Now here I need to put in my two cents. The characters make a point of saying how they don’t really think the age difference is that big of a deal. Were she legal, which she will be in less than a week, there’s no real problem with an 18 year old dating a 24 year old. I know this is entirely a matter of personal opinion and I fully expect people to disagree with me here. I also suspect this is going to make me sound like a prude, but... yeah, I think there is a problem, there.

Ellen’s a freshman in College. She’s JUST turning 18. While she’s shown to be intelligent enough to get into college early - and good on her for that - she lacks the emotional intelligence or maturity to really strike out into a relationship with someone six years her senior. And Steve, for his part, is too old to get anything out of a relationship with someone so much younger than he is. There’s no real connection there, the difference in emotional maturity is going to make itself evident before too long and the relationship is more prone to self-destruct.

Like I said, feel free to disagree with me there. If you feel like there’s room for a relationship in such an age gap, let me know. I wouldn’t mind starting a conversation or changing my mind, but that’s where my mindset is there - it just wouldn’t work out.

Remember that last line Dora said. It’s going to get much funnier later, to the point where part of me wonders if that was deliberate foreshadowing on Jeph’s part.

And here we welcome Ellen’s roommate, Natasha. My oh my, characters are building up, ain’t they? Just give it time, guys. It gets so, so much worse.

(Also am I the only one stuck on that first panel? Just... I know they already made the joke about her dual-major but there’s something so surreal to that I kind of can’t escape it)

And now, to round out our batch of 50:

Wow. It seems like Dora’s a touch more insecure than she lets on, huh? She seems so cool and in-control of herself that moments like this where it’s surprisingly easy of her to accept that she may have weirded the object of her affections out are much more blatant.

Now that we’ve reached the end of the batch, let’s do our usual beginning and end comparisons:

Like I said before, Jeph has clearly put more detail into the faces. He’s taking steps in the direction of “realistic cartoon” if that makes sense, further details in the wrinkles of their clothes, their bodies looking more defined, that sort of thing. I can’t really decide if I like this newer style better than the older one, but it’s no question that the newer style is a technical improvement. Nice work!

So what’d I think of this batch? Eh... plot happened, I suppose, but it feels like not much ended up happening. I dunno, for my money this felt a lot slower than the last batch... but then again, last batch had Amanda drop by for a visit, so that may have something to do with it. Either way, we have outright confirmation if we didn’t think so before that Dora is super into Marten, but it’s also made clear she’s not going to step in between the dance he and Faye are partaking in right now. Whether this is a good or a bad thing is entirely up to personal opinion, I suppose. I dunno, I feel like having Dora as a potential wild card offered the possibility for drama to shake up the dynamic going on, and without her I fear the dynamic may stagnate.

I mean, I know exactly how the dynamic’s going to go because I’ve read it, but you get the point I’m trying to make here.

Anyhow, you know what time it is now - data analysis time! In this batch of 50, we have...

Marten: 34/50 – 68%

Faye: 29/50 – 58%

Dora: 24/50 – 48%

Ellen: 15/50 – 30%

Steve: 12/50 – 24%

Pintsize: 11/50 – 22%

Natasha: 2/50 – 4%

Miéville: 2/50 – 4%

 Grand Total:

Marten: 200/250 – 80%

Faye: 192/250 – 76.8%

Dora: 75/250 – 30%

Pintsize: 61/250 – 24.4%

Steve: 34/250 – 13.6%

Ellen: 18/250 – 7.2%

Amanda: 12/250 – 4.8%

Sara: 7/250 – 2.8%

Jimbo: 5/250 – 2%

Turing: 4/250 – 1.6%

Raven: 3/250 – 1.2%

Miéville: 3/250 – 1.2%

Scott: 2/250 – 0.8%

Natasha: 2/250 – 0.8%

Ell: 1/250 – 0.4%

Personally, I won’t be satisfied until Jimbo overtakes Sara in his number of appearances. You can do it, Jimbo! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

...erm, in any case, tune in next week for the thrilling next installment of QC! You ready for more backstory on our main characters? I know I am! See you then.

[wallas-dinston]

Hello! So this is another excerpt from the fanfic I wrote a while ago. For context, the POV is from Sunshine Curtis, middle child of the Curtis siblings, who had a relationship with Johnny Cade. This is the end of the story as she is working through her emotions. Please let me know if you like it!

I passed Darry as he walked through the door, stepping outside for fresh air. The sun was setting. The intricate swirls of orange and pink seemed to set a golden blanket across the town. It was beautiful. I wished I could stay that way forever. I cried silently, until Pony saw me and stopped me. He sat down next to me silently, but had an expectant look on his face. I didn't know how to put how I was feeling into words. It was almost too much for me alone.

“It's over. They're gone. But I can't stop fighting it! I'm tired. I'm tired of letting all the emotions overtake me. But I don't know how to stop. I can never just stop. I always have to push everything.” I wailed. I was frustrated and desperate and dejected. Pony grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes, calming me.

“Sunshine Curtis, It is not over. Things will get better in the end. If they aren't better, it isn't the end. Don't beat yourself up. They wouldn't want to see you like that. Now smile. You look better that way.” I grinned at him and wiped my eyes. He was right. Things would change, and things will crush me and burn me and bring me down, but I had to fight through it. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. And I might not be able to see it right now, there might be fog hindering the glow, but the storm will calm and I would make it there. I hugged him strongly, smiling.

“Thank you.” I whispered, walking away. I stepped back inside of the house, reaching my bedroom. I put on the jacket, Johnny’s jacket, and began to exit the house. I knew where I was headed. I walked down the sidewalk, remembering Johnny, his smile, the auburn strands that mixed in with his hair, the way he smelled like earth after rain. His face glinting in the moonlight, the way his eyes sparked when he looked at me. I remembered the feeling I got every time I talked to him, the way his arms felt along my shoulders, the feeling of the grass tickling our feet as we danced under the stars. I remembered the faint golden freckles that dotted his face. I passed the house he cursed and cared for, the house that trapped him, and formed him into who he was. I passed Bucks house, the temporary home of Dallas Winston, a role model, a hoodlum, a friend. A breeze blew past me, circling me. The wind whispered in my ear, filling my head with the sound of Johnny’s laugh, Dally’s quick remarks. Even the officers would miss seeing Dallas. He weaved his way into your life, making it interesting. I walked by the Nightly-Double, feeling the soft denim of Johnny’s jean jacket lying upon my shoulders, the warmth of Johnny’s loving and cute remarks. The gum wrapper notes I stuck in his pocket. I recalled the sound our shoes made as we raced down the pavement, and the way you could hear the smile in his voice when he was happy. That was the way I would remember Johnny, because I was the only one that could get him to open up and talk. Other people would remember him as I saw him in the hospital, as timid, skittish and weak. They would see a puppy that had been kicked too many times. But he was so much more than that. I wanted to remember the side of him that was almost exclusively saved for me. The one that laughed wildly, and was sweet and kind. I passed the empty lot, where our friendship had begun so many years ago.

Me and Darry walked onto the gravel strewn grass of the empty lot. We used it as a shortcut to get home from school sometimes. I passed through the area, noticing a kid, he looked around my age, five, and he was badly injured. I took Darry’s hand, who was responsible for walking me home, and lead him over to the boy. He was slumped up against a tree, with a black eye and multiple other bruises on his body.

“Are you okay?” I asked sympathetically. He looked up at me with large puppy dog eyes, tears lining them. He shook his head no, and I rushed over to him. I looked up at Darry expectantly.

“Im Sunshine. What's your name?” I asked lightheartedly.

“Johnny Cade.” He mumbled.

“Johnnycakes? That's a funny name. I have brothers with funny names too. Sodapop and Ponyboy.” I laughed. He laughed too.

“No. Johnny CADE.” He pronounced. I flushed red from my error. Darry looked concerned, and he was pondering something.

“Maybe you should come home with us. My parents can fix you up.” Darry offered. Johnny looked hesitant, but accepted the offer. He smiled at me and I smiled back as we started down the road towards my house, also known as the Curtis’s.

I smiled from the memory. I looked up from the ground and realized I had reached my final destination. I sat down on the swings we had shared so many talks on. We stated our worries to each other, and always left laughing. The sunset was the richest I had ever seen it, the colors popping from the sky. It felt like Johnny was sending a message, saying hello. A single tear rolled down my cheek, as I held myself. I looked up at the sky, watching the clouds swirl and mix. My heart flooded, and I saw him and all he was in that sunset.

“I love you too, Johnny Cade.” I whispered to the sky, the breeze carrying my words away and through the town, down the roads I knew so well. And as soon as they were spoken they had disappeared, taken away and gone with the wind.

When I was younger I would always try to escape the world; close my eyes and create a dream world, a fantasy. I was caught up in my bedtime stories. Nobody was ever hurt. Nobody left you. It was unrealistic, but I didn't mind. Life was simpler. The whole world seemed to be one block wide and our problems were so small. Goodbye only meant, ‘See you tomorrow!’ And we lived our lives without a worry in the world. I grew up with dirt on my knees and cuts on my elbows. We thought we were cool, smoking and sitting on the curb, trying our best to act tuff. We were full of youthful vigor. We felt invincible. And I liked it that way. It was blissful inside my ignorant mind. I felt so sure of myself. And I never wanted to grow up anyhow. I was sacred to.

Well, I’ve made it to ‘older’ and I understand. Life is unfair, and it hurts you, but you have to take the good with the bad. I have lost people, but gained so many things. Friends, knowledge, a better understanding of who I am. Life is one big lesson, one big chance to learn and grow. But sometimes it catches up to you. Time is less expendable than it is thought to be. I know the real meaning of tough now, too. Dallas strived to reach it his whole life, but he was far off. He was looking in all the wrong places. Being tough was living through hard things and not letting it break you, but letting it make you stronger. Dally broke. He had lost. But I hadnt, and I never would. I used to be scared of the dark and the things that lurked in it, but now I find comfort in the night. It reminds me of the people I lost along the way, and the stars of how they lit up my life. Johnny still lives in the quiet black, and the wild and free things of the night bring Dally along with them. My parents live within the love and wonder of the cool air. And they aren't really gone, they never will be. Their words formed me into the person I am today, and continue to shape me and affect me. I don't force things anymore. Whatever happens happens. Deep down I am still a child, but I know more now.

A sudden feeling of closure overtook me, and I knew it would all be okay. My whole being felt lighter as I stood up from the swingset, taking one last look at the sky before heading on my way. I was ready. Not to move on, but to move forward. I knew I would never move on. Nobody would. But that was alright. I walked back through the town, retracing my steps. I kicked stones on the sidewalk, smiling to myself when I spotted the dandelion growing from a small crack in the pavement. I bent down and snapped the stem, picking up the flower gently. The oncoming fall had turned the once yellow petals to small puffy skeletons of their former beauty. My mom used to laugh when I picked them. “They are weeds, Sunshine.” She would say. And I would always reply, “Beautiful weeds.” I suppose that some saw a weed while others saw a wish. I took a moment to blow on the fragile flower, my conscience speaking a small wish as I did. I disregarded the green twig from my now sticky fingers and continued walking again. The emotion I was feeling was so oddly unexplainable. It was almost . . . light orange. I passed my house as well as the Shepard household, where the grass doesn't seem to grow. I passed the small drugstore in the center, and the DX gas station. I walked and walked, dreaming the whole way, until the road seemed to slowly get smoother and the houses larger. Reading the street signs carefully, I realized how even they sounded more extravagant. Seminole Street, Birmingham Ave, Grand View, Fostoria Street. I had to catch my mind from drifting off again, making sure I didn't miss the one I was looking out for. I turned onto the street once I found it and read all the house numbers. 367, 398, 405, 426. And then I was there. 431 Cedar Street. I knocked on the door, which after a moment slowly opened to reveal a familiar face. A pair of green eyes greeted me.

“Hey.” I smiled. “Are you still up for that movie?”

[saibh29]

Survival 101: Confession (Part 9)

Pairing: Bellamy / Reader

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Angst, mentions of punishment and retribution. 

AN: I’m sorry this took me forever to update this time, it just wasn’t working right and i’m still not completely happy with this chapter. Hoping it’s alright anyhow though. 

If you’d like to read the other parts of Survival the link to the masterlist for the series is here....SURVIVAL 101 MASTERLIST 

Also if you’d like to be tagged for this story please add yourself to my taglist which can been found here.... TAGLIST 

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You hadn’t thought that life could get any more difficult, then of course Charlotte had to go and announce to a full blown mob that she was the one who had killed Wells. Bellamy had acted quickly and grabbed Charlotte pushing her forwards into the tent you’d previously all been in. Finn had stayed outside to keep the mob away from the doors and you and Clarke had followed Bellamy into the tent.

“Why, Charlotte?” Bellamy begged running his hands through his hair as he paced the full length of the not huge tent. “Why would you kill Wells?”

“I was just trying to help” she sobbed “his dad locked us all up, sent us down here to die. I couldn’t sleep at night for dreaming about him”

Your heart hurt for the little girl, she was just a child and had made a somewhat fatal mistake. You understood what that felt like.

“Charlotte?” you asked gently “How did you even know where to stab him like that?”

She wiped her eyes looking at you “I copied what you did to Atom”

“What?” the air had rushed from your lungs “I sent you to get Clarke from camp”

“I stayed. I wanted to see, to be brave”

“Fuck” you were the one who was rubbing at your neck this time as guilt hit you. She had copied how you had killed Atom. She had watched you push a knife into Atom’s artery and then done the same thing to Wells.

“BELLAMY, BRING THE GIRL OUT NOW!”

Murphy’s voice had apparently come back quickly enough as he yelled out for Charlotte. She had started crying again reaching out to grab at Bellamy’s sleeve.

“Please don’t let them hurt me. Please”

Bellamy looked torn, not knowing what to do. He obviously didn’t want to hand Charlotte over to a crowd who only moments before had been ready to watch Murphy hang.

“If you guys have any bright ideas speak up?” he scowled when Clarke remained silent “Great, now you stay quiet”

“Those are your boys out there Bellamy” Clarke insisted. “Get rid of them”

“This is not his fault” you didn’t know when you had suddenly turned into Bellamy’s cheerleader. It was the truth though. “If you had listened to us in the first place those idiots out there would still be building a wall”

“Y/N, we had to tell the truth, you know why I had to give them a chance”

“YOU WANT TO BUILD A SOCIETY PRINCESS? LET’S BUILD A SOCIETY. BRING HER OUT”

“The truth?” you snorted “yeah they seem real concerned with the truth Griffin”

“Look” Bellamy interrupted cutting off your and Clarke’s brewing argument. “Just stay here, watch her. I’ll talk to them”

With a sigh Bellamy set his shoulders and marched out of the tent leaving you with Clarke and Charlotte. Finn came back in as well staring at the three of you.

“It’s time to leave”

“Leave where?”

“We have to get Charlotte out of here. Now” he insisted as he took the girls hand pulling her to the back of the tent. Clarke following instantly, both of them stopping to look at you who hadn’t moved. “Y/N please, we need your help”

“Fine” you ducked under the tent canvas along with the other three.

Finn took hold of Charlotte with you in the lead and Clarke behind. You moved quickly through the trees ducking under low hanging branches and moving around ditches filled with putrid water. You moved easily however the others behind you were struggling to keep up.

Gasping Clarke came to a stop. “It’s going to be night soon. Where are we going? At least tell me you have a plan and we’re not just wandering aimlessly through the woods”

“I have a plan” Finn agreed pointing off to another direction this time you all walking until her stopped once more.

“CHARLOTTE! CLARKE, FINN AND Y/N CANT SAVE YOU”

Murphy’s voice was loud and far to close for you to feel comfortable about.

“We should run” Clarke said eyes nervously flicking around the trees. Waiting for Murphy to jump out and force you all to hand over Charlotte.

“Yeah that’s one way to go. I like my plan better” he reached into seeming grass and pulled on something, opening a type of hatch. “Get in. Get in” He helped Charlotte down into the hole then Clarke.

“I’m not getting in there”

“What? Y/N come on”

“No” you could feel panic starting to build in your chest at the idea of being in a hole once more, locked in a cell. “I can’t”

Finn must have heard the panic because his eyes softened slightly. “Y/N it’s bigger down there than it looks. It isn’t a cell. I promise”

“CHARLOTTE”

Your head snapped to the left Murphy was about to come through them.

“I can’t Finn” you shook your head “I’m sorry I just can’t. Get in and I’ll lead them away from here”

Finn hesitated but you were running out of time, the sounds of footsteps so close now that any second Murphy would appear.

“Run fast Y/N”

Finn dropped into the hatch as well pulling it closed. Disgusted at yourself for the panic that still welled up in your chest at the thought of being trapped within 4 walls once more you took a deep breath trying to clear out the panic there, waiting until Murphy had just come through the trees to run. You knew he’d caught sight of you from the sudden shouts of success. You weren’t worried about them catching you though as you flew through the forest, bypassing trees and jumping over obstacles on the floor.

When you could run no longer you found the sturdiest tree near and scaled it, settling into the branches.

Strange, you could hang above the ground on nothing but a small branch but the idea of being put in a hole with 4 walls made you hyperventilate to the point of uselessness.

Underneath a group of delinquents passed by with Murphy in the lead still hollering for Charlotte. He was moving remarkably quickly for a man who had just been beaten and hung. Apparently vengeance and malic highly motivating emotions. You let them pass content in the knowledge that they were going in the opposite direction to where Finn and Clarke had Charlotte hidden.

Smirking to yourself you watched the next man come into view. You couldn’t help having a little bit of fun with him pulling a chunk of bark off the branch and throwing it down at his head.

The bark hit Bellamy square in the back of his head as he spun knife out as he looked desperately for what had attacked him.

“Hey Blake!”

Bellamy jumped finally looking up eyes meeting your own in the soft dark of the light. “Fuck Y/N. What the hell are you doing up there?”

“Well there happens to be a mob running around looking for blood. I’m avoiding them”

“Where are they?”

“Safe”

Bellamy let out a relieved sigh at that still frowning at you though. “Will you please come down from there?”

“Sure” taking a step out of the tree you dropped to the ground in a crouch, looking up from your new position into Bellamy’s face. “I’m down”

“I can see that” he rubbed at his face. “What exactly are we going to do?”

“I honestly have no idea. I don’t have a plan here Bellamy. Finn and Clarke have her safe but they can’t stay there forever” you paused thoughts bubbling in your brain. “It’s one or the other I believe. Murphy won’t let it go and Charlotte would never be safe. So either we keep Murphy or we keep Charlotte”

“We can’t hurt a 13 year old girl”

“Murphy will be more useful to the group”

“Y/N” Bellamy snapped a horrified tinge coming to his face. “You cannot mean that you want to give her to Murphy”

“I’m not saying that” you insisted “I’m just… thinking out loud. We have very few options here Blake and none of them are particularly appealing” From the tree’s the sounds of shouting became loud once more as Murphy’s group turned around heading back towards you and Bellamy. “We can’t stay here Bellamy”

Obviously he agreed because without thought Bellamy grabbed your hand linking his fingers with your own and pulling as the two of you took off back into the forest away from the sounds of shouting.

[grubhivemind]

KOUGAH: =He knows that it is rather late but Kougah has asked Jace if he could come over. Seeing as he is to court Jace he plans on doing it properly without missing any steps to it. He has everything he needed in a basket and now knocks. There are quite a few things he needs to start with so it's pretty loaded honestly. He's been a busy, busy boy=

JACE: -it's never too late to visit him, honestly!! he's usually awake anyhow, but he'd get out of bed just to entertain this particular guest. he eagerly opens up the door when he hears the knock and smiles brightly at his visitor.- Hi!

KOUGAH: =A cute smile on a cute boy= Hell0. Thank y0u f0r all0w1ng me 0ver. =nods to him and also... soft face touch. The affectionate one. He'd nuzzle his face but that'd probably be weird???=

JACE: -gosh... he touches kougah's hand in return before he takes it up in his own to guide him inside.- Of course... Youre always welcome over!

KOUGAH: =Yess... holds his hand= 1 apprec1ate that. 

KOUGAH: 1've als0 begun tak1ng measures t0 better pr0tect y0ur h0me as well as y0u... th0ugh t0 d0 well. 

KOUGAH: 1t 1s m0stly. The th0ught. Beh1nd 1t.

JACE: -blinks at him.- Youve been... protecting my apartment???? -what does he mean...-

KOUGAH: T0 the best 0f my ab1l1t1es. 

KOUGAH: 1've el1m1nated the p0ss1b1l1ty 0f a few phys1cal threats.... th0ugh 1 supp0se n0t very many pe0ple here have sens1t1ve n0ses. And 1 d0n't th1nk traps w001d be acceptable. Th0ugh f0r th0se wh0 may reg1ster the d0m1nate scent 0f a predat0r they w0n't trespass. 

KOUGAH: =Turns to the door then pauses..... this is one of those... temporary lodgings= 

KOUGAH: Hm.... am 1 perm1tted t0 etch runes 1nt0 y0ur d00r?

JACE: ....... - WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY DOMINANT SCENT. - 

JACE: Uhhh. 

JACE: I dont think my landlord would be okay with that........

KOUGAH: =HE IS DOMINANT AND IT IS HIS SCENT= 

KOUGAH: Hm.... 

KOUGAH: That was the preferred meth0d. But 1 als0 have th1s cl0th 1've sewn them into. 1 have c0me prepared. =Puts the basket down and offers Jace the grey cloth and it does have all sorts of symbols sewn with black thread= 

KOUGAH: =He also hands Jace a sizable tooth. It's the half the size of his forearm= Th1s 1s fr0m a k1ll 1 w1ll br1ng t0 y0u later. I'm aware humans d0n't eat raw meat s0 1'm prepar1ng 1t f0r y0u. =Yes... a good provider=

JACE: :o -he's admiring the runes on the cloth with much interest and then...- 

JACE: ... O h hhh.... Oh. Wow. Would you look at that. -takes it??? holds it in his hand???? screams internally.- 

JACE: Ummm. Thank you.  I really appreciate the effort that you went through. 

JACE: .... -mutter mumble- (But I dont...) 

JACE: (Eat meat at all...) -mumble mutter-

KOUGAH: =He has good hearing so he catches the mutter, one ear lowers and he slowly puts a wrapped parcel back into the basket and nods deeply at Jace. Wheezing internally= 0h.... 1. Am very s0rry... 

KOUGAH: 1 sh001d have 1nqu1red that bef0re. Tell1ng y0u. 

KOUGAH: Everyth1ng... 1 w1ll st1ll make use 0f the-- 

KOUGAH: Ah... 1 can. take the t00th. 1f y0u w1sh. =hhhhhh=

JACE: ........... Yes. -casually shoves it back at him.-

JACE: Im sorry!! You went to all that trouble. :(

KOUGAH: =He's quick to put it out of sight and lifts his hands, sweating= N0. 1 h0nestly. Had assumed. 1t was wr0ng 0f me. 

KOUGAH: 1'm aware 0f. Alternat1ve l1festyles. Th0ugh 1 d1d n0t ask 1f y0u ate meat. 

KOUGAH: That was a blunder 0n my part and 1 accept full resp0ns1b1lty.

JACE: Well... I dont mind. Most people dont ask anyway... 

JACE: Im just glad you thought of me. And... Uhhh. Prepared a meal for me! Thats really sweet. Honest.

KOUGAH: 0f c0urse... 1 seek t0 sh0w y0u that 1 am a pr0f1c1ent meal pr0v1der as well as sh0w1ng my strength. 

KOUGAH: 1nstead 1 w1ll.... f0rage. =Yes.... he's gonna... gather so many things=

JACE: ... -grins a little about that.- Thats... definitely a desirable skill. Hehehe. -kougah's cute.- 

JACE: What else would you like to show me...? -:eyes:-

KOUGAH: 1 als0 have br0ught y0u s0me freshly made med1c1nal herbs... and 1. Am h0nestly unsure ab0ut 1f th1s w1ll w0rk away fr0m the m0unta1n. 

KOUGAH: But... hm. Well. Usually c0urters and c0uples w001d release themselves t0 run un1nh1b1ted. Unt1ed t0 anyth1ng phys1cal. 0nly all0w1ng the purest and m0st vulnerable parts 0f themselves play and bec0me fam1l1ar... but w d0 n0t kn0w 1f y0u can pr0ject y0ur c0nsc0usness fr0m y0ur b0dy.

JACE: -calculating meme as he explains until it all comes together at the end.- Oh! ... 

JACE: Yeah ummm. I cant say Ive ever astral projected before. But... that doesnt necessarily mean I cant??? Stranger things have happened...

KOUGAH: Y0u're very smart. 1 bel1eve y0u w1ll be able t0. 

KOUGAH: 0nce d0ne 1t 1s a useful sk1ll f0r l1ghter med1tat10n. 

KOUGAH: =stares at Jace from his squat= D0 y0u med1tate?

JACE: Oh, yeah! Sometimes... It helps with the anxiety... Um. You know, whenever I can focus on sitting down and actually doing it...

KOUGAH: =nods= Then that w1ll be useful. As y0u are already tra1ned trained 1n 1t. 

KOUGAH: 1t 1s a g00d pract1ce. 1n detach1ng y0ur sp1rt fr0m y0ur phys1cal f0rm y0u channel y0ur aur1c energ1es t0 man1fest 1n an appar1tion-l1ke 1mage.

JACE: -looks around thoughtfully, then starts picking up some things from the floor to dump into his sylladex.- Can we do that now? Can you show me how to do that? :O 

JACE: -after clearing a spot, he sits down crosslegged on the floor.- :)

KOUGAH: =Watches him clean then sets the basket to the side, nodding once= Yes. 1'm glad y0u're s0 eager. =He really is though.... it's really a vulnerable thing, not only leaving yourself utterly defenseless with the trust that you won't be attacked but also baring your form where it can be manipulated.... He's a little sweaty though he's supposed to be relaxing.= 

KOUGAH: 1t's c0ns1derably stra1ght f0rward. 

KOUGAH: Relax1ng y0urself then f0cus1ng 0n the energy that res1des 1n the c0re 0f y0ur be1ng, w1ll1ng that t0 man1fest 1nt0 the f0rm y0u des1re th0ugh 1t 1s eas1est t0 all0w 1t t0 f0rm naturally. =Exhales and lets his shoulders fall, moving from his squat to sit on his legs. A small moment of silence passes but then a light blue luminous light floats out of Kougah like smoke, taking the form of a wolf of course. One that sits before his body and watches Jace, it seems (and is) tangible by the depths and details of the shadows in its fur=

JACE: -eyes widen at the sight of the apparition. wow, kougah makes it look so easy... he's tempted to reach out to touch the spirit beast, it looks so inviting. and though he's a little hesitant at first, he does splay his fingers out over it's fur.- Oh... Wow... -looks past it at kougah, HOPING that's alright.-

KOUGAH: =The fur is soft, very soft and it's deceptively warm to the touch despite the cool, icy blue of it. As Jace looks past him though the wolf huffs out it's nose and sits up straighter. Hello. It is I. In the form I would be in if I weren't such an unfortunate creature=

JACE: -wow... looks at wolf kougah with shiny eyes, a smile spreading across his face.- Wow... Youre a beautiful wolf. Hehe. -pets him up, taking advantage of this before he gives it a try himself.-

KOUGAH: =What is this feeling? .... Confidence. Yes, he is feeling prideful because this form is absolutely gorgeous and large and majestic and he's only one of those things and not so much the other's as a troll. The wolf  drinks in all this affection readily, the energy thrumming and pulsing  under Jace's hand. A little warmer and just the yellow creeping into the edges of this light. A good, warm happy feeling=

JACE: -the warmth tingles at his fingertips and up his arm until it settles in his stomach with a happy flutter. it's relaxing enough that he feels he can give this a shot too, drawing his hand back and closing his eyes so he can focus.- 

JACE: -honestly, he isn't even sure what his spirit would manifest in the form of... he knows he LIKES monkeys best, but does that mean they ARE him? okay, he probably shouldn't overthink that... it'll only make things more difficult. instead, he thinks of that proud look about kougah as he took on this new form. jace knows deep down there's a part of him he's proud of too, the part of him that represents him in ways more powerful than all the things he finds ugly about himself...- 

JACE: -there's a long moment of silence before he finally shows results. the tendrils of his inner self slowly creep from his body, twisting and turning with uncertainty until they form a spindly limbed, prehensile tailed spider monkey. and the cute little monkey is surprised he exists!- :O

KOUGAH: =Intently watches as Jace concentrates and gives him space to focus, it isn't easy letting go and just allowing things to happen and it was also something easily disrupted. Kougah just sits and stares, his ears perk as the energy starts to creep out. Honestly he is curious as to which form Jace takes on. He won't use it to judge character or read (too much) into it but every shape is interesting and has a purpose of its own= 

KOUGAH: =The monkey is greeted with a NOBLE lowering of the wolf's head, tail wagging happily. A monkey is very good, a nice reflection of Jace's intellect and gleeful personality. More warm yellow is shown in the blue, good job.=

JACE: -a happy warm glow eminates from him as well at the perceived praise and he romps on over to kougah again, a little awkwardly as he tries to understand this form, but ultimately winds up in kougah's space again. he paws at his bowed head and just... kinda hugs his snoot. this is so surreal and amazing and he's grateful for this new experience.-

KOUGAH: =Its a learning experience. How to move and really let your spirit just move naturally. Their touch grows warmer between them, some feelings pass. Jace's excitement and thankfulness repeated back to him but in Kougah's own emotion. It is a very vulnerable state. Jace can feel the slight embarrassment from this pass of information, a flicker of interest and  curiosity, then so many warm feelings as he nuzzles him gently. Him lick.=