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mykatzone · 7 months

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Answering asks #4

I have been... procrastinating over answering asks in my inbox... just a bit 🥺

I'm really grateful for everyone's patience so I'm finally sitting down to answer all the asks I got! Again tysm ;w;

• Finny art request + Timelapse and brief overview of my art process

My deepest apologies anon! Not only did you send this ask back in July, but I additionally promised you a reply back in August- and it's October now! 😭 I am so sorry for my lateness and am so grateful for your patience!

In any case, you asked for a Finny drawing so I offer a Finny drawing! As well as a timelapse of my art process and brief overview of how I do things since you were interested!!!

I wasn't sure what style you wanted me to draw him in (I have so many styles RIP) so I picked the most difficult one I (sometimes) use! Aka my painterly style!

As for how I draw like this uhh, it's a lot of messing around trying to find the right colors basically!

Also focusing on quick brush strokes that communicate the shape of whatever surface I'm rendering!

I also love casting most of the upper part of the face in shadows. Does it make sense? No. Does it look good? Yes!!

As for my lineart, again- rly depends on the style I'm going for- but I tend to use a more sketchy style of lineart these days.

Like a superrr clean sketch. I think it looks nicer with my rendering style, bc the lines have that sketchy rough quality so it's easier to hide the imperfections bc I can hide under the "well it's supposed to look rough duhh" excuse LOL. Work smart not hard! I always say that.

I hope I'm making sense with my rambles. I've never been the best at explaining my art process bc I myself don't rly get what I'm doing usually. It just kinda comes as a reflex almost?? I've been drawing for so long I just kinda go with the flow at this point.

Anyhow hope it was worth the wait XD enjoy your Finny!!!

• Kuroshitsuji Musical idea suggestions

To refresh everyone's memory (bc I'm so late at answering asks), awhile back @shadowalkingschemer asked if I ever planned to make a Kuroshitsuji musical parody type songs/animations like I did for Umineko, to which I said "probs no bc an actual official Kuroshitsuji musical exists, but it sounds like a rly fun idea tho". ANYHOW- this was the followup ask I got from the same person! So let me finally answer!!!

Oki so I looked up this Beethoven's Last Night thing you mentioned and???? OMG??? It goes hard from the first few minutes I listened to. It's a rock opera I assume? And it's such a bop?? And yes this would be perfect for Kuroshitsuji, it matches that classical sophisticated vibe SO WELL with the general edge of the story (bc duh. it's a recreation of Beethoven's compositions but with epic rock music). God this is so good, thank you for the recommendation I will have to listen to the full album soon bc WOW.

• Nice person in my inbox :D

Thank you so much @eynnwwyjth !! That's such a sweet compliment too ;W; to call my art enchanting AAA ty!!! :>

• Animation advice

Thank you for checking out my YouTube @aeowolfestheater !! It's my primary social media, and I'm glad you fell down the rabbit hole of my many many uploads I posted over the years XD

To answer your question, I don't rly have the best personal advice when it comes to starting out as an animator rly! I kinda... fell into it? XD I started animating (well trying to animate in MS Paint), before I even turned 10, so I didn't really have that traditional learning curve? It was mostly a lot of trial and error, trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.

(If anyone wants to see how my old animations looked and how they improved over the years, I posted many "Animation Improvement" type videos that showcase my work over the years, so you get the idea of what I'm talking abt!)

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Best advice I can give to any animator right now is probably the boring advice I personally never took (hence why it took so long for me to get where I am now). Learm the fundementals (the principles of animation, the ins and outs of the animation program you're using, general art skills are also a bonus depending of what you wanna animate). I think it's also important when you are first starting out to focus less on making your animations smooth and clean and more on learning how to capture movement itself (that's the point of animation after all!). Learn how things move depending on material, speed, physics etc. and how to communicate that in animation. I think just observing life helps a lot. References are your friend (video references are probs the best). Ofc clean and smooth animation is great as well, but that comes after you learn the basics I think. Stay on model the best you can while animating any shot (ofc unless you are doing squash and stretch or experimental animation). It makes it look less janky. Uhh I can't think of much else right now (bc again I never rly learned animation the normal way haha), so I will link my two animation tutorials here! They are abt Clip Studio Paint EX though, idk how helpful they are if you don't have that program :'0!

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• Tumblr mutual reunion!

Omg hi @rissynicole and so sorry for the late reply!! As this post has shown so far I am extremely slow at replying to the asks I recieve in my inbox! Anyhow it is me! Katrinci! I got back on Tumblr in 2022 (has it already been over a year??)! Sadly someone else took my old username (an innactive empty blog too... I'm so mad), so I got a new username heyooo. I hope you've been well!! I'm doing better then I have in gosh, years I feel like XD. Mostly bc I'm finally out of school and finally focusing on stuff I wanna be doing (art career stuff and irl stuff!) But yeah I hope you've been well too!!! Feel free to reply or shoot me another ask if you feel like, I'll do my best to reply on time this time! (I'm so so sorry for being so late!!) Anyhow YIPPIE!

• Where to watch my silly Umineko Musical parody

It's here! I privated it on my main channel bc I thought it was too goofy/self-indulgent even for me (also it wasn't doing well and y'know how YouTube is with channels that underperform T_T), so I moved it to my secondary channel! It has both the song you are referencing and the other song I did! Enjoy :>

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• What Croatian stereotype is Katzone?

Well every region in Croatia has its own stereotype, I'm from Dalmatia, and we are stereotyped as loud. So I def fit that one! And also I fit the "cura iz umjetničke" (girl from art school) stereotype quite well. I went to an art highschool and I'm gay, autistic, slightly mentally ill and look vaguely alt (literally I don't btw, but ppl see a buzzcut and it blows their minds, like "woah that's so alternative and quirky", not knowing I only have a buzzcut so I can't pull my hair smh (trichotillomania, look it up for more info)). Though I don't smoke weed so mby I am a bit subversive and not like other art girls.

• Kat sexuality confirmed??

Oki so what @xxparanoidvampirexx is referencing here is when I posted a poll asking my followers to guess my sexuality.

These were the results!

I have been democratically declared a lesbian by popular vote. This is probably true. Listen I'm like 95% certain I'm a lesbian but you never know. My autism makes it hard for me to figure out any sense of my identity bc I often mirror ppl around me (and most of my friends are lesbians or sapphic women in sapphic relationships), you get me? We can never know. My sexuality is currently a Schrodinger's cat situation I'm afraid.

ANYHOW, to answer LMAO- I mean fair assumption. I do mostly post about women on my blog (Saldy... I got back into Adventure Time recently and my blorbo there... is a *shivers* man. I saw someone on Twitter today as that fictional middle aged men are to lesbians what Taylor Swift is is to gay men. And like. Yeah.)

• Nice person in my inbox #2 + "What's your favorite Ciel outfit?"

First of thank you so much anon for the kind words!!! I'm rly happy to hear my art makes you gayer (the only correct compliment ever). Jokes aside, but fr this is super sweet :'D thank you!!!

To answer your question, I had to go skim through this video by @/nullbutler to refresh my memory on what outfits Ciel wears throughout the anime/manga/official art.

Here's the video if you wanna watch it!

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Anyhow, my personal fave fits of his are extremely basic. While I do love Ouji fashion, I dislike seeing him in most of the oufits Yana puts him in. Like yes they look lovely, slay extremely hard and fit the visual aesthetic of Black Butler perfectly- but every time I see him in these frilly oufits I'm like "this is not reflective of his personality in any way, he would not wear this on his own, it's pure camp". Don't get me wrong- I love camp, and this anime/manga is as camp as you get. So while I love the more campy frilly oufits he wears aesthetically (and those are way prettier), I perfer when he's in stuff like this:

Like yes, these outfits are objectively less interesting and pretty- but I see stuff like this and I'm like yeah that's him. If Sebastian dropped dead and couldn't pick out his clothes anymore, this is what he would wear on his own accord methinks.

• STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD 😭

Here's my live reaction of reading your ask @porfiriea :

What do you mean?? You were 6?? I doubt you watched my 2014 MS Paint animation era, I assume you found my channel during 2016-2017 at earliest (my Undertale and Yan Sim animation era). I refuse to believe you were born in the 2010s. Nuh-uh. No. Not happening. Fake news.

Jokes aside, but it's always cool to see ppl be like "oh I watched your stuff b4, I didn't know this Tumblr user was you!" It's a strange feeling!! Makes me feel like I did leave a mark on the animation side of YouTube. Feels nice! :'D but also old. And I'm only 20!! How will I feel when I'm 30 or 40?? Will I just turn to dust on the spot??

• Grelle's gender masterpost update

I'm so sorry anon, but I completely lost interest in this topic T_T! Plus even if I ended up making a masterpost, it wouldn't be fully accurate (or at least- I wouldn't be able to verify its authenticity completely), as I don't speak Japanese. So I would have to go off of Google translate and translations by English speaking fans who understand Japanese. And I don't wanna talk too much abt Japanese queer culture either. Even though I did a ton of research, I'm not Japanese and I never went to Japan! So I'd rather not risk spreading any potential misinfo. Sorry to let you down ;;!

• Another YouTube viewer spotted me in the wild!

Omg you spotted me!! In the wild!! That animation was crazyy, bc I made it rly fast and rly didn't expect it to do well. But I remember it did super well during the first day (got 100k views on the first day it was wild), and while I love that old video, I'm like. Rly? That one blew up?? Out of all my other ones?? I mean the idea was creative! But I feel I half assed it a little, I barely animated anything for it outside the headbop tweening and blinking animation XD. Mby I'm being too harsh on 14 year old Kat here. Nahh I'm not, I felt the same when I posted it innitially as well. But hey I still love that vid. Love the style I drew in at the time, I was still using a mouse for everything back then. Love the colors too! Mby I should remake it one of these days. Mby!!!

If anyone wants to watch the animation @gentle-starlight is refering to:

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• Umineko time

@anawkwardlady This is the universal Umineko fandom experience I'm afraid. Being sad over Beato and wishing she was vibing (after you learn abt... the horrors...) XD

• ???

I'm so very concerned and do not know what this means or what this is refering to. I'm afraid O_O @hononyan what does this mean...

• What happened to my old Tumblr blog

It's completely ok to ask anon! In truth, I have this rly bad habit where I delete social media accounts when I'm having a bad mental health moment. It's always an impulsive decision I end up regretting. I deleted my old Tumblr in early 2021 I'm pretty sure, and I'm still so sad about it. I wish I didn't delete it. I had that blog since 2015 and now it's gone like poof. I can't get it back and I'm always emo abt it.

I might make like, an archive or something of my old art one day. I mean I still have most of it saved on my computer, but it would be nice to have all of it in one place publically again (it's always good to have stuff backed up somewhere)! Adding that to my to-do list XD

Oh and the worst part? I can't use my old username on Tumblr (Katrinci). Someone else took it. A BLANK EMPTY BLOG. I'm so mad. I'm soooooo mad give it back to meeee.

• THE END!

And with that I have answered all the asks I had in my inbox! Well, all the questions and stuff, I still have other stuff in my inbox like art requests but I'll get to that some other time if I feel like doing any of those! In any case, tysm for being patient everyone! Ik it took me very long to reply but I hope my responses were worth it! I wish all of you a nice day! My hand hurts from typing owie.

#katanswers #i talk abt sm stuff in this post holy cow.#it even has some art/animation advice bc some ppl asked for that so do read this post if it interests u!#oki DONE.#Youtube

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unintentional-edgelord · 4 months

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Companion post to the previous regarding Girouette and the Double Megamerge, though it goes more into differences between the one in ZX and that in Advent.

From Vent and Aile's perspective, while the double merge has given them the power to keep going, what they had to go through to get there is nothing short of horrible.

The ZX script straight-up tells us that they consider Girouettes' death their fault - Model Z does so, as well. We don't know anything about their dad so we can perhaps assume he was never in the picture, but either way, Giro's death now means that Vent and Aile have lost not one, but two very important parental figures in their lives. Sure, they've got a guiding force in Model X, but unlike Giro they've been matched with him for a week at most, and that bond hasn't been forged quite to that extent yet.

This is also at a point in their lives where they think finally, finally, they have exactly what they need to stop any more lives from being lost instead of being that helpless child they were at the theme park, so it's bitterly ironic that the moment they get the power to do this, they lose yet another parent.

The musical cues in the original ZX add an additional layer to it. On first playthrough, you wouldn't be likely to realise that Fragments, one of the "sadder" songs of the game which is present when Girouette dies, has the same melody as Snake Eyes, the theme of Slither Inc. HQ - interesting that they chose to use this theme instead of Metallic Soul, which is considered the theme of the Biometals and used during other sad moments of the game. Perhaps it's in direct reference to Serpent having a hand in Girouettes' death, the same way it's played right at the start of the game when Vent and Aile are talking about their deceased mum?

Either way, the one-two gut punch of that transition from Fragments to Trinity is powerful as hell; the fade out from Fragments leading into the bass line of Trinity lets you know there's some serious ass-kicking about to happen. Interestingly enough, the leitmotif of Trinity (that synthy bit) doesn't appear elsewhere in either ZX soundtrack; maybe in Rockin On if you squint really hard with the intro electric guitar It's honestly a damn shame because it's one of the coolest tracks in the game. Determined Eyes from Advent didn't allude to it either - but that theme is a whole other level of badass, so I'm not too fussed. Just would've been a really cool callback!

Anyhow, the title "Trinity" as well could not only be a reference to Vent/Aile and both Models X and Z, but could also be in reference to Girouette and the Biometals; those lending the protagonists their strength. The whole tone of the track and the way it's built up really gives you the feeling that something monumental and never-before-seen is about to happen.

It's also interesting to contrast the original in ZX to the Double Megamerge cutscenes in Advent.

In the first one, Vent/Aile look like they're visibly in pain from the strain of the merge, as you can see:

And then they emerge triumphant from it - the pain, the sorrow has now given them the fuel and determination to carry on and become "a hero who can protect everyone." The framing of the scene, coupled with the soundtrack, is iconic and powerful as hell, particularly the shots of the helmet crystal and the hair spreading out like angel wings behind them - both of which are homaged in Advent.

I also like that Advent brought back Metallic Soul and not Fragments for the scene leading up to it. That theme feels a lot more like Vent and Aile's this time around, and hits a lot more poignantly than Fragments would in my opinion. Now if only they'd brought back Rockin On as the boss theme... Advent as a whole could've done a better job of tying into ZX to be quite honest.

As for the scene itself, I know the original in ZX is practically identical for Vent and Aile, but as I've noted previously, they both visibly look like they're in massive pain when they perform the merge for the first time. (It's also never explained why there's an energy surge that kills the mavericks afterwards, although it's super awesome - maybe Models X and Z channelled any excess power from the merge outwards to avoid killing Vent/Aile from too much energy?)

Advent contrasts this for them both, although more so in Aile's case than Vent's. Aile's is obviously a clear homage to magical girl anime, but she looks relaxed pretty much the whole way through, laughing and smiling at X and Z's cyberelves at the start and her joyful expression doesn't really disappear right until the end when she's confronting Grey. Vent's merge hints maybe that he's still in some pain, based on that yell he lets out - but it comes across less like a yell of pain and more like a kiai, feeling incredibly powerful. His scene gives off the feeling that not only has he grown into the responsibility and power that comes with wielding both Biometals, but he also utterly owns it now. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever get over how well-done the snappiness and timing of Vent's scene is.

On a mildly related tangent, though it is nice to see how happy Aile is during the merge in Advent, I will forever be annoyed that her scene doesn't feel as impactful as Vent's. It feels long and unnecessarily drawn out; yes I understand it's a contrast to the original in ZX and yes I understand it's supposed to be a magical homage, but not once (to me, anyways) does it feel to me that "this is the hero who saved the world four years ago."

Not even when we get the iconic helmet crystal forming, or the shot with the hair spread out like great seraph wings.

I mean come on, you're going to compare this from Aile's:

With this, from Vent's?

You did Aile dirty, Capcom.

You did Aile dirty.

(Disclaimer, while Vent is my favourite of the duo, Aile has a special place in my heart as she was who I used during my very first playthrough of ZX, and I'm honestly annoyed they chose to focus more on fanservice than anything else when she showed up in Advent. She so deserved better.)

#megaman zx #mmzx #mmzxa #megaman zx advent #megaman zxa #miss grimm rambles

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pleasuresoftheharbor · 1 month

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tagged by my darlings @wutheringdyke and @appleisms to shuffle my spotify on repeat playlist and post 10 songs 😁😁🫶 love u both

silver springs - fleetwood mac

plainclothes man - heatmiser

mirror forever - weyes blood

only love can break your heart - neil young

stephanie says - the velvet underground

the masterplan - oasis

dream a little dream of me - the mamas & the papas

the promised land - bruce springsteen

a lot's gonna change - weyes blood

o-o-h child - nina simone

not sure who to tag cause i feel like everyone in the mutual circle has done this one 😭😭 but anyhow YAY ty for tagging me <3

#speaking

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koishua · 1 year

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oh i love you for rbing hee angsts for me even though they leave a huge impact— yours specifically, for some reason ( im saying this again, vie, drop the secrets ) AND NO IT WASN'T JUST 'OH POOR BOY' FIC i mean maybe, yeah, sort of? but i was having a terrible terrible morning and my intention was to read a cute candle light dinner fic heeseung but who knew you had plans on lighting candles for the reader instead :/

AND THE LONG FIC. i am very intrigued actually, tell me more i think i'm ready to consume more of heeseung on the verge of insanity ( i think we're calling him that every time he's in your fic ) now that i've woken up from a power nap

no bc im trying to look at my fics and i can't find proper dialogue like where are the conversations?? my secret i think is just a crap ton streams of consciousness bye 🚶🚶reader and hee barely ever talk it's just like: here's what's happening in this poor little meow meow's heart and mind. have it, ty and goodbye!!

im sorry for catching you on a bad morning tho ngl ☹️☹️ but also pls 😭😭 that's so funny actually i only have two proper-ish hee fluffs and one's a blind date gone wrong but also right??? and another is just sleepy hee 🚶🚶

the longfic!! yes!! i deleted it and a bunch of others in my bout of fury and annoyance at my writing (more like lack of ability to write actual plot lmao) before i went on that two month writing hiatus so it's gone rip 🤭🤭 but it was something i'd been toying with for so so long like you know that one scene in fever of hee just tired and in bed?? it was inspired by that but instead of horny it was just sadness and sorrow lmao it's actually hilarious how that came to be the more i think about it

it was originally going to start off with that snippet i posted, which was the prologue and it would then spiral into these glimpses at his inability to wake up from this quiet and empty world he'd built for himself in your wake. lots of moments where i was showing him doing and feeling absolutely nothing for weeks on end and just the menial things yada yada and one day the 02z would try to unsuccessfully break his door down so they send a wellness check and whatnot and that's where his healing process began i guess.

it would be rocky and he'd constantly succumb back into his grief bc just like in "second death" he'd become so attached to reader that without them he just wasn't whole enough to function. it'd then go into flashbacks where i was showing everyone how up until then, he had only been living for you and only you. but the boys would take turns crashing at his place and taking him out to places and doing things that would slowly make him return to himself. god there was this one instance where they'd catch him dancing by himself in the candlelight and he was so out of himself that it honestly broke even my heart. they would realize that he kept seeing reader as if they were physically there as a means to cope and it was so heartbreaking i can't begin explaining it to you ugh

eventually the more he started to feel better and the less he started relying on drinking, the more sinister your ghost would become and there would be times where he'd wake up from a dream he had of something nice (other than you at long last) to your ghost just smiling eerily at him from beside his bed, telling him that he was starting to forget about you and how cruel that was of him and that was the first time the boys would ever hear him cry after your departure. the guilt would eat him up alive. logically he knows that you'd want him to be happy and move on but the part in his brain that's so self loathing just makes him see you everywhere so that he never ever forgets about you.

anyhow that's all i had written i think and revisiting it makes me SO want someone to write this out for me 😞😞

#ii. ( pt ) —! asks #tw: death #tw: mental health #?? just in case

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aspiringtrashpanda · 1 year

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Waaaah (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ ty tyyy!! I wasn't kidding about the length so I still apologize 😅😓 You know how when we’re younger we always wanted to get involved in the “cool stuff the big kids were doing,” whether said “big kids” to us were 13 or 16? When I was little, I wanted Steven to be my big brother or cousin. Since I never had any female cousins my age, I mostly grew up around boys and we did cool things like hang downstairs in their basement theatre, convince our parents to stop at a Walgreens for SillyBandz, and go wild jumping on the beds in their Hotel room with Light Sabers and Harry Potter Wands. (Look, I was like 9-10 this was cool to me 😂) We were a Trio, stuck in the backseat of the backseat of the car, status: gremlins in kahoots. It was weirdly poetic, there was only a year between either of us and I was the middle child. Really movie-like three Musketeering it here lol. Imagine how heartbroken I was when my parents told me they weren’t really my cousins, just really close family friends that we called them “cousin” regardless because they were there for my birth. Anyways, this and how whenever some older male that, I assume were probably late teens early 20s now that I’m older and thinking back, came over, kid me would see all the grown-ups talking to them like equals, being allowed to do “stuff” (it was probably like running an errand for an aunt or setting up tables tbh, I sure don’t know) and were asked about what they were studying at the dinner table, I thought it was so cool that I wanted to grow up fast and do whatever they were doing, go wherever they were going with their friends while I had to stay inside and help clean up because my mom said I wouldn’t be interested and that “they’re just doing their own thing.” Even at theme parks, couldn’t go with them.

Enter: The World of Pokémon. Discovering Fanfics, and the Found Family Trope. And Badass Young Protagonist Dreams we all might’ve had at some point. It’s a coin toss whether Crystal or LeafGreen was my first game, but I ended up really attached to Leaf (after a period of hating her because how DARE she look like my OC who was designed to look like me + the effect of early 2010s era of people hating OCs and only accepting canon characters in fics.) Though let’s be real, she probably looks like a lot of people, compared to having gravity-defying blue hair lol. It’s kind of hard to get May’s hair-style exact too sometimes if you don’t have bangs and short hair, and hers still flutter outwards by themselves. So anyways, this is all a lead-up to what brought me to thinking, “man, wouldn’t it be SO cool to be Champion and the bestest of buddies with the other Champions? (As the games usually sold the story to us)” Because friendship is awesome, teasing and banter and knowing personal things about each other and being considerate about it is sweet, being privy to secret projects the grown-ups never let you in on (I say secret project as if it’s some big thing when they probably wanted to enforce bed times and “that movie is too scary for you” lol) but anyhow, still epic.

I’ve never been able to bring myself to making another Pokémon OC, so I use Leaf as my stand-in for just about everything. I think the one thing holding me back from posting publicly is not everyone thinks the same as me. The game characters have no canon personality, so it looks weird. (Unless if I take influence from Evolutions, which validated so much for me.) They’re trapped in their games. And largely influenced by “majority accepted fanon.” As a result of that, I "should" be writing a wing-woman to the Red x Blue ship. My fic would probably go over better if I used May.

Okay, I have read everything through, but I am going to respond to each message one by one so I can get all my thoughts out! First off, thank you SO MUCH for sharing your brilliance with me. I am honored to get a peek inside your mind! This has been an incredible read. It sounds like you had so much fun with your cousins growing up, and I totally get what you mean about seeing older-but-still-young people doing stuff and you're like, "Hey i wanna hang out with them and tag along too!" But then you grow up and realize that you rushed through your childhood for nothing and ow, that's so real. RIP to all the OCs who fell to the flames of the early 2010s OC hate. OCs aren't for everybody (just like reader inserts), but those that will read an OC grow to love and appreciate them as much as any canon character. Though, there is also absolutely nothing wrong with projecting your OCs personality onto a canon character (if you're in our steven stone discord - which i mean, you're on anonymous so i'm not even gonna try to guess - you see that we do it ALL. THE. TIME.) I'll get more into canon personality vs. author interpretation vs. reader interpretation in the next bit, but I think it's important that you've recognized what you feel fandom has dictated you "should" do. You've recognized it. Now throw it out the window. Your fic will be its best self if you write what you want to write, and I promise, there WILL be someone who resonates with whatever character choice you make, whether they be in the minority or the majority. (To be continued...)

#aspiringtrashpanda #please talk to me about your fics #i love it #if you can't tell

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imnotobsessedwfictionalchracters · 2 years

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Chapter 1: Welcome To Hogwarts

I do not own Harry Potter or the characters made by J.K. Rowling

So...when I first wrote this...I don’t even know how long ago, it was low *cough* highkey crappily written and the chapters were much shorter. This was originally 2,475 words. Now it is 4,791 words. That means I wrote an extra 2,316 words. Meaning I was less than 200 words away from doubling the word count.

Anyways, this is also posted onto my Fanfiction.net account SomeKind0fMagic and my Wattpad somekindofmagic1 so you can check it out on there too!

But anywho, hope you enjoy!

Love Z <3

“I only said that he could be in Slytherin! Not that he would!” James turned around to face his younger brother. “Anyways, the likelihood of you being in Slytherin is like...less than 1.” Albus briefly saw the look that his dad shot James. His brother turned back around and rubbed his neck, “Not that it matters, anyhow!” As they came up towards the large pillar between platforms 9 and 10, James turned back and shot Albus a huge smile. “See you on the other side!” And ran through the wall.

Even after watching James for the past two years, it still amazed Albus. He always was curious on how magic was capable of everything it was. And he grew up with it! He wondered how his dad or Aunt Hermione had felt when they learned about magic. Or when they had gone through this. But then Albus’s mind flashed to a memory of what his dad and Uncle had said happened their second year. When the platform closed on them. But he knew that it wasn’t possible. The houself, Dobby, had done that.

He looked up as he felt a hand on his shoulder. His dad gave him an encouraging smile. “Rather go together?” Albus silently nodded and his dad placed his other hand onto the bar to push the cart that held Albus’s case and ferret. “On three.” Albus nodded and turned to face the pillar, “One...two...three!” He clenched his eyes shut and braced for impact. For his body to slam into the brick wall. But when he didn’t feel anything, he opened his eyes. Looking around, he felt as if he had been taken somewhere else.

The train was larger than he had even imagined. The smoke coming from the chimney was actually whiter than he had expected. He pushed through the families with his dad, trying to find the rest of theirs. But as they were walking, his mind drifted back to what James had said and his hands slowly fell from the cart.

He still didn’t believe James about it being unlikely that he would get in Slytherin. What if he was in Slytherin? He wondered as he felt his legs slow down. He stared ahead as his family got ahead of him. Albus knew that to any onlooker, it would seem as if he was nervous. And he didn’t want that. He could only imagine the Headline that Rita Skeeter would come up with. So, he bent down as if he was going to tie his shoe. As he faked the tying, he wondered. What would James say or do if he ended up in Slytherin? As far as they knew, no one in the Weasley or Potter line had been a Slytherin. And what would everyone else think? Almost everybody who had been in Slytherin had turned evil. And he would be alone. And he didn’t want to be--Albus glanced up from the concrete floor when he saw his dad’s shoes in front of him.

His dad took the, now untied, laces out of Albus’s hands and began to tie the shoes himself. “What if I am put in Slytherin?”

He raised an eyebrow, “What if you are?”

“W-what would you do?”

He sighed and looked Albus in the eyes, “Albus Serverus Potter...you were named after two Headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them, in fact, was a Slytherin. While he did many things that were horrible, in the end, he made the right decision. There’s nothing wrong with being in Slytherin. And,” He stood, “The hat does take your feelings into account.”

Albus stood and looked at his dad, confused. “What do you mean?”

His dad just shrugged, “It did for me my first year.” He walked over and wrapped an arm around Albus’s shoulders and the two began walking over to their family. “Otherwise I probably would have been placed in Slytherin.” And before Albus had time to question his dad, he waved to their family. Leaving Albus to sit on his dad’s words.

His cousin, Rose, smiled at him. He gave her a small smile and wave. His eyes ran around and saw that they had been the last to arrive. He saw his Uncle Percy and Aunt Audrey with Molly and Lucy, who would start school the next year. His Uncle George was talking with Fred and his Aunt Angelina had her arm around Roxanne. He saw his Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur, but Victoire was nowhere to be seen. He knew that he wasn’t to expect Dominque as she had gone to Beauxbatons instead of Hogwarts and had left last week. Louis was talking with Lily and Hugo.

James came running over to them, unsurprisingly not out of breath. “You won’t believe who I just saw snogging over there!” He watched as his older brother motioned to a random spot. “Vic and Teddy! That’s right! Our Vic and our Teddy! Snogging! Who knew!”

Albus watched as Lily’s face broke into a smile, “Really?! That’s so exciting!”

“It’s not exciting. It’s gross, Lils.”

“How?”

James wrapped an arm around Lily’s shoulder, “Because they were kissing! That is just disgusting. And--ow!”

James rubbed the top of his head as Albus and Lily laughed. “You deserved it James. Telling everyone’s secrets. How dare you.”

“Sorry Teddy.”

Teddy crossed his arms, “I don’t think I accept your apology now. Maybe at another time...but not now.”

James was about to argue back but the train’s loud whistle rang through the station. Telling them that they needed to get onto the train soon. He felt his mom's tight hug soon after and he sighed. She pulled away some, but still held him close. “Ignore your brother when he says that your house matters. Your dad and I don’t care as long as you’re happy.” She kissed his forehead, “I’m gonna miss you sweetheart.” She pulled away fully but still moved some hair out of his face. “Be good and write home often, alright?”

“But James said--”

“Oh please, we wrote to your brother at least every other week last year. Every week during his first!”

He wanted to make fun of his brother but he felt arms tightly wrap around his waist. He turned around and saw his little sister hugging him. He wrapped his arms around her and she looked at him with teary eyes. “Do you have to go?”

“I’ll be back at Christmas, Lils.”

She sniffed, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He hugged her tighter, “I’ll miss you too.”

“Why can’t I go with you?” She whined.

“You can go once you turn eleven. Which will be in two years.”

She pulled away and wiped her tears away with the end of her sweater sleeve. “That’s so far away though.”

“It’ll come by sooner than you can say Quidditch. And besides, I’ll write to you every day.”

“Promise?”

He nodded, “Promise.” His sister ran over to their mum's arms and he turned to his dad. “See you at Christmas.”

He nodded and gave him an encouraging smile. “Don’t worry about what others say, Albus.”

Albus nodded and ran over to where he heard his brother yelling at him to get onto the train. He hopped on and followed him to a compartment where the rest of their family was sitting. They heard the whistle again and soon felt the tug of the train starting to move. Albus watched out the window as his family got further and further away. And soon, they were gone and out of sight.

Once they were off, James began to talk about the sorting process. “--Now, you’ll most likely be a Gryffindor, like the rest of us...well, minus our lovely Vic who got into Hufflepuff. But other than that, everyone has been a Gryffindor. If you don’t get in Gryffindor it would be insane.”

Albus sighed and got up. Before anyone could say anything, he grabbed the bag on top of the seats that had his robes in them. “I’m just going ahead and changing. Rather do it now when there’s not many people than later when everybody is.”

James nodded and Albus walked out of the compartment. Reality was that he just wanted to get away from him. He knew that his dad said to not worry about what people would say. And that it didn’t matter what house he would get in, as long as he was happy. He still felt like he had to get into Gryffindor or else he would be a disappointment.

He had been lucky and found an empty compartment a bit of a way away from his family. He opened the door and tossed his bag above the seat. He sat down next to the window and stared out of it. He watched as the trees went by and as the words his dad spoke to him before echoing in his head. He had a few moments of silence until he heard the sliding of the compartment door. He looked over and saw a boy with messy honey blonde hair. The boy turned around and his almost piercing grey-blue eyes went wide in surprise. "Oh, sorry! I didn't realize it was occupied.” He scratched the back of his neck, “I'll just go somewhere else."

Albus shot him a nice smile and raised his hands, "It's fine, you can sit in here. I don't really care." He partially was doing this because there was something about him that seemed familiar to Albus. But he couldn’t place it. The honey-blonde hair and grey-blue eyes looked so familiar to him. He just wished that he could place it.

"Are you sure?" When Albus nodded, the honey-blonde haired boy shot him a smile back. He moved to sit in front of Albus and reached his hand out. "I'm Scorpius, of course you most likely already knew that."

Scorpius...Scorpius...Malfoy! That was why he looked familiar! He was Draco Malfoy's son. But regardless, Albus took Scorpius’s hand and shook it. "I'm Albus and don't worry, I didn’t realize who you were until you said your name. All that I could do was think about how familiar you looked."

Scorpius gave him a look of surprise, "You-uh...you don't care? I mean, you're a Potter and you don't care that I'm a Malfoy?"

Albus shook his head and shrugged, "Why should I? We aren't like our parents and besides your dad has changed for the good. No matter what the Prophet says."

Scorpius gave Albus a grateful smile. “Thanks, I uh...I guess.” He sighed and looked out the window before looking back at Albus, “So...what’re you doing in a compartment alone?”

Albus sighed, “My brother was...I’m not really sure how to describe it. It just pissed me off. Majorly.” No. He didn’t piss him off. “Wait...not pissed off. But just I guess...annoyed me? My parents tell me that my house doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I’m happy. But James just…”

“Is continuously making it seem like it’s the worst thing in the world if you’re not in the ‘family house’?” Scorpius’s voice was softer than before. Albus nodded silently and Scorpius leaned back. “Sounds like my grandfather. I love the man but…” He trailed off at the end.

“You feel like he doesn’t get you anymore?”

Scorpius nodded, “Exactly.”

Albus would have said something else, but the door opened again. This time when he looked over, he saw a girl with short black hair and purple glasses looking in. When her eyes landed on Scorpius she let out what seemed like a sigh of relief. "There you are, Scor! Robyn and I were getting worried.” He sat down next to Scorpius and so Albus assumed that they were good friends. “Not that I blame you for getting out. I had to as well, just used you as an excuse.” She looked over at Albus and gave him a large smile, "Hi!” She pushed some of her hair out of her face, “Sorry, I was just looking for him, but um...do you mind if I stay here? The good ole Potter-Weasley clan are being pains." Albus nodded and she gave him a grateful smile. But after a moment, she started to study Albus gasping when she realized who it was. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were Albus Potter."

Albus shrugged, "I don't mind what you said. It’s not a lie anyways. My family can be, well, is usually, overbearing. That's partly why I'm here."

She nodded, "I understand. I literally have 14 siblings. I can’t get any peace and quiet and they are so totally overbearing." She held her hand out to Albus, "I'm Anneliese Green by the way. But you can call me Anne. Most people do."

Albus shook her hand, "Nice to meet you Anne."

"So,” She pushed the hair out of her eyes again, “Are you excited for Hogwarts?" Her voice was softer than previously.

He shrugged, "I don't know that well, honestly. For the most part, I’m gonna miss my little sister, Lily."

Anneliese nodded, "She was the one that was standing next to your parents and was upset because she couldn't go, right?" Albus gave her a surprised look and she laughed. "Sorry! I'm just observant. Especially of other families.” She sighed and leaned her head back, “I honestly think I'm gonna get into Ravenclaw, but then again, all my family is in Slytherin. So, the likelihood of me being a Slytherin is high. The only person in my family that wasn’t a Slytherin, in the past hundred years that is, would be my mom. Mostly due to the fact that she went to Durmstrang instead of Hogwarts."

Scorpius laughed lightly and threw something at Anneliese, “You’re rambling again.” He turned to Albus, “But I know full well that if I'm not in Slytherin my grandfather would disown me."

Anneliese rolled her eyes, “Scorp, your grandfather is Lucius Malfoy, the man who thinks if you’re not a Slytherin then you’re a disgrace to the wizarding world. It’s not a ‘think’ that he would, it’s just that he just would. No thinking, just knowing.”

Albus let out a shocked cough, "Oh, wow, I think the only house, even though my dad says otherwise, that I would be disowned if I was put in would be Slytherin. But not by my parents. By other members of my family.”

The conversation just went on from there. They only stopped when the trolly came around and they got some sweets. Eventually it was dark and the train was finally slowing down and eventually came to a full stop. They three 11 year olds stood up and walked out of the compartment and jumped off of the train.

Scorpius turned to Albus with a promising look on his face. "Promise to be friends even if we're Slytherins and you're a Gryffindor?"

Albus smiled at Scorpius and Anneliese, "Promise." The three waved goodbye and he went to find Rose.

And when he finally found his cousin, she shot him a questioning look. “Where did you go Albus? You worried us!”

He sat down into the boat with her, “Sorry, I got distracted and started talking to some people.”

“Wait...am I hearing this correctly? Albus Potter is making friends with people other than his cousins?”

He shoved Rose’s shoulder, “You're so mean to me.”

She smiled at him, “I do it because I care about you, Albie.”

He rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say, Rosie.”

----

The doors to the great hall opened and everyone walked in. Albus rolled his eyes at Rose talking about the ceiling. Everyone in the family knew how the ceiling looks like the sky above. But, that didn’t stop him from looking around in wonder. His eyes glanced over to the Gryffindor table and he saw James giving him a thumbs up. As he looked around, Albus noticed how Anneliese gave a tiny wave towards the Slytherin table. He assumed it was to her family. When they stopped walking, he hadn’t been paying much attention and so he tripped over Rose a bit. Professor Longbottom stood in front of them with his hands holding a piece of parchment. "Now, before we begin, Professor McGonagall would like to say a few words."

Everyone looked over at the lady standing in the middle of the table. Albus knew who she was very well. He remembered how his dad said that she was like a mother to most of the Gryffindors. By looks, Albus couldn’t see it. But he always knew to not base a person's personality solely on looks. "I have a few start-of-term notices that I would like to point out and remind. First years, please let it be known that the Dark Forest is strictly forbidden to enter unless it is for your class. But you will be under the supervision of your teacher for that. Thank you." She sat back down and motioned for Professor Longbottom to begin.

"Now, when I call your name please come up to the sorting hat, I will place it on your head, and you will be sorted into your house." He looked at the list and said, "Avery, Holly!"

The hat was put on top of her head and yelled, "Slytherin!" Quickly. The Slytherin table was yelling loudly and he heard somebody mutter an ‘of course’. He assumed it was because ‘Avery’ was a ‘Slytherin’ family.

More names were yelled, including Robyn and Rohyn Goyle (who were in Slytherin). “Malfoy, Scorpius!” Once Scorpius’s name was called, the room went near dead silent. All that could be heard were the people who began to whisper. ‘Malfoy?’ ‘I’m surprised they’re allowing someone like him in.’ ‘His father was a death eater. He comes from a family of deatheaters’ As well as other much harsher things being said. Of course it was known what house Scorpius was going to be in according to stereotypes. And of course stereotypes didn’t disappoint. He got Slytherin, and of course, the house screamed for him.

More names were called and people went to their houses. And, just like when Scorpius’s name was called, the room went almost dead silent when Albus’s. Most of them were praises, ‘He looks just like his father!’ ‘Omg, he’s real.’ ‘Surprised that he’s allowed to come, the Potters shield him and his sister all the time.’ Of course there were some bad ones, but they were few and far between, mostly just from the Slytherin table. But Albus ignored them and walked up to the hat.

“Ah, a Potter,” Albus jumped slightly, the voice echoing through his head, “Much like your father.” I hate that saying. “Oh? You hate being compared to your father? You want to be separated from being known as just Harry Potter’s son. Willing to risk anything to be something. Hmmm...Better be...SLYTHERIN!” The hat was taken off of his head and the whispers picked up again. ‘A Potter in Slytherin?’ ‘Wonder what dear ole James is gonna take of that.’

“Take that Potter! We got your younger brother! Now what can you do to us! Can’t call us the bad guys anymore!” A tall girl with short and curly deep purple hair, her eyes an icy blue.

There were yells coming from the Gryffindor table. Yells of the Hat being wrong. That he needed to be resorted. That the Hat made a mistake. Albus kept his head down the entire time he walked to the Slytherin table. He sat between Anneliese and Scorpius, who placed his arm around his shoulder. “At least we have each other.” Albus gave Scorpius a grateful smile as the yelling continued. It didn’t quiet down until McGonagall yelled for silence. Many had a look of fear. Not that he blamed them, it reminded him of his mum’s yelling whenever she was actually angry.

Albus stared at the table for the rest of the sorting. He didn’t clap when Rose got into Gryffindor. He didn’t think he had to. She got the house she was supposed to get. She wasn’t having to worry about what her family was going to do now that he actually got into Slytherins. Now that James’s jokes actually happened.

Usually, when the food came out, Albus would start to eat immediately. A curse of being a Weasley. But he just...didn’t. He stared at the food in front of him. He couldn’t understand how he had gotten into Slytherin. And what if he had asked for Gryffindor? What would have happened then?

He felt someone nudge his arm and he looked over to his left, where Anneliese was giving him a concerned look. She handed him a piece of chicken and he took it and placed it onto his plate. She gave him a soft smile, “Just eat a little. It doesn’t have to be much. But just some.” He nodded and began to eat the chicken she had given him. And he wouldn’t lie, it was good. He wondered how it tasted as good as it did.

Albus watched as a group argued with each other, some trying to get Anneliese to join in. She simply just rolled her eyes and looked at Albus. “Sorry ‘bout them, they’re my siblings.” She sighed and ran a hand through her short hair.

He gave her a sympathetic look, “It’s alright. I’m used to a big family arguing. I mean...the only person in my family that doesn’t have a kid is my Uncle Charlie. Unless you count the dragons that he raises. Then I guess he has about...five now?”

She gave a soft laugh, “I think I would consider dragons if they come to the family events.”

He snapped his fingers, “Then my Uncle Charlie has no kids anymore.”

“I wonder what that would be like. A dragon at a family gathering.” A guy with dirty blonde, nearly bown, hair said. “I’m Randolph, one of Anne’s brothers, by the way.” He reached his hand out to Albus, “Pleasure to meet you Albus Potter. A bunch of us are surprised that you were even allowed to go to Hogwarts. Your parents keep you out of the spotlight so much. Even more than your brother.”

Albus shook his hand, “Yeah, mum and dad wanted all of us out of the spotlight as much as possible. Lily and I have always been faster at running and better at hiding than James. But he hardly even tries anymore. He loves the attention.” It was too obvious that Albus was trying to hide his eye roll.

“Pretty obvious when you look at him.” A guy next to Randolph laughed. He looked almost the same, his hair was just shorter. “We all got a kick out of him getting knocked out at his first game last year.” He gave Albus a small wave, “I’m Liam by the way.”

“Now you have met 3 out of the 15 Green children, Albus. Can’t wait for you to join me in questioning why people have so many children.” Albus let out a small laugh at Scorpius’s comment and Anneliese rolled her eyes.

“Hey, you try being in the middle of it all. It gets very annoying how often I’m overlooked.” She sighed, “Of course you’re technically in the middle of your siblings.”

Albus nodded, “Yeah...but my parents don’t ignore any of us.”

She shrugged, “You only have two siblings while I have 14. I completely understand why I am. I don’t really get into trouble compared to some of them.”

“Hey!”

“Totally not far Anne!”

“Yeah, I agree, Randy. Anne, you’re being totally unfair!”

She raised an eyebrow, “How many letters were--”

“That means nothing! New year, new slate.”

She simply rolled her eyes and looked at Albus and Scorpius with an ‘do-you-see-what-I-deal-with’? look.

----

When the Feast was done, Professor McGonagall stood in front of everyone. “5th year Prefects, show the 1st years to your common room. Everyone else, go on and head up to your common room. Rest up tomorrow as classes start on Monday. Goodnight.” Everyone stood up when she was done speaking. The 1st years, unsure of where to go, just followed where they saw two people standing in their house colors.

Once it seemed as if all of the Slytherin 1st years, which was about 8 of them in all. They stood in front of a guy who looked like he had a stick up his ass and a girl who looked genuinely happy to be there.

The stick-up-his-butt guy spoke first, “I am Dominick Green,” Oh...one of Anneliese’s brothers, “I am one of your 5th year Prefects.”

“I am Elizabeth Boles, your other 5th year Prefect.” Elizabeth’s smile was wide, “The Headboy is Aidan Green and the Headgirl is Castanova Way. They also are your 7th year Prefects.”

Dominick nodded, “Your 6th year Prefects or Slyherin are Lorene Zabini and Jerimiah Ecerson. If you wish to know who any of the other Prefects are, just look at the bulletin board that is in our Common Room.”

“Now! Let’s show you the way!”

As they followed the two of 5th years, Dominick gave the History of Slytherin house and told them the Rules while Elizabeth gave fun facts and how to carefully break the rules and not get caught. Eventually they had made it down to the Dungeons and were at the end of a corridor. Facing a large stone wall. “Now, here is the entrance to our Common Room. If you ever get lost while trying to find it, you may find one of us, another Slytherin, or go to our head of house who is--”

“Professor Slughorn!” Elizabeth interrupted Dominick. “He also will teach you Potions. Which is, rather unfortunately, required until your 6th year. Or after you take your O.W.L.S.”

Dominik rolled his eyes at her, “Now, it is protected by a password and that password is prone to change, when it does, it will be posted on the bulletin board. But for now the password is Alchemy.” As Dominick spoke the words the wall moved to the side and they walked in.

Everything was a dark green or grey or black. In the far back, there was a glass wall that looked into the Great or Black Lake. The lighting was dim and it was fairly chilled in there. Albus figured that he would always need a sweater whenever he would be in the Common Room during the Winter months. But other than those things, it seemed like it was just like what James had described the Gryffindor Common Room.

“And now we are at the end of our journey. We have made it to our Common Room. You can hang out, do your homework, or just relax here. Basically everything is open for you to do!”

Dominick nodded, “Now, to the left is the girls dormitory and to the right is the guys. And--”

“Girls can go into the guys but the guys cannot go into the girls.”

“Yes, Elizabeth is correct there, but please, do not go into each other's Dorms.” Dominick sighed, “You will know which one if yours as it will have your year above it. You all have a curfew of 9 o’clock. So don’t be out that late.”

Elizabeth smirked before she added, “Or just don’t get caught.”

Dominick sent her an obvious glare, “Or just don't be out. But that is it. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Goodnight.”

He left and the crowd dispersed. But Scorpius, Albus, and Anneliese stayed together. “It’s actually crazy to think that I’m actually here.”

The two boys nodded, “More crazy to think that we have a Potter in Slytherin. Now offense Albus. I just...never thought it would happen.”

Albus let out a small laugh, “Yeah...me too Scorpius. Me too.” He sighed, “Also crazy to think that this looks close to how James described the Gryffindor common room. It’s just...colder and dimmer and just...I don’t really know.”

Anneliese and Scorpius nodded, “I get what you mean.” Anneliese yawned, “Well, I’m going to bed you two. Goodnight.” She walked up the stairs and to the 1st year girls dorm.

Albus and Scorpius looked at each other, “You tired?”

Albus shook his head, “Not really, but...we probably should head up to our Dorm. We can just...I don’t know, talk? Up there.” Scorpius nodded and they went up.

Neither went to sleep until 1 am and Albus’s worries about what his family was going to think about him being in Slytherin, slipped to the back of his mind. Going there to be a problem for another time.

#harry #potter #harry potter #next #gen #next gen #harry potter next gen fic #harry potter oc #harry potter next gen oc #oc #albus potter #scorpius malfoy #easy to hate #easy to hate chapter 1

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mihidecet · 4 years

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SBI d&d AU: Tommy (1)

Here it is! Tommy’s pov really put the hamster inside my brain in a splendid mood, so his story is currently split into two (might be three, depending on how much more I’m willing to indulge my craving for found family dynamics). I’m probably going to post the second part in a couple of weeks (I’m trying to stick to a schedule, but uni has started again today so who knows).

Thank you all for your likes, reblogs and comments on the last post, I really appreciate them!

Also, as some of you might already know, I’ve been working on character sheets for all of them too. I’m working on the written backgrounds at the moment, but if all goes right I should post the first one next week! Who would you want to see first: Techno, Phil, Tommy or Wilbur?

[Also I should mention, there are a handful of swears, mentions of blood and a not-so-quick description of a dagger, but not as it’s being used for anything bad. Let me know if you’d like me to highlight anything specific to make it easier to skip.]

You should kneel down soon, kiddo. The voice in his head tells him. Usually one would not have voices suggesting what to do or do not, but that was the life of Tommy since he'd agreed to eat a bloody apple and suddenly gained horns and a tail. That was just something that happened to him nowadays. But again, one was not necessarily made to follow said suggestions: he usually either ignored whatever had been said or sassed back - that was just the kind of relationship he had with his patron.

I'm not a child, old man. He answered, in his mind in order to avoid Wilbur's curious glances, and only heard a distorted chuckle in response.

I'm just trying to help you out! You should, totally, profit is guaranteed! Tommy rolled his eyes, huffing out in annoyance at both his insistence and the warped voice he was currently talking in. Go figure that, of all the demons he could have made a pact with, Tommy had chosen the most annoyingly nagging one. Who even used their godlike power to change their voices to unnatural pitches?

Come on, Tommy! Trust me on this! Come oon! The dragged out "on" was extremely aggravating, but just because his patron was bored he wasn't going to amuse him. He had more important things to do, like planning out what to do once they'd reached the apparently haunted mansion in the middle of a forest they were heading towards. If one was to ask Tommy, he'd say that it was just the job of a bunch of thieves, maybe an enchanter, using the abandoned mansion as a base of operations and scaring away wandering people. Everyone had seemed to agree with his idea - hell, even Wilbur had said it had been a good hunch!

Five ... Four ... Didn't he have some other poor soul to torture? Some unlucky fellow to trick into a deal? And was the echoey voice necessary? Did he really need to sound as if he was shouting from inside a cave?

Come on kiddo- Three ... Two ... Almost there! One ...

"ALRIGHT!" Tommy yelled out, stomping his foot down in anger, flames bursting out his hands as his eyes flashed golden and - despite what his stubbornness told him - he bent down.

He hadn't even fully bent his knees when an arrow lodged itself into his hood, which was slightly raised in respect to his head due to the quickness with which he had moved.

"Ohshit-"

"Who the fuck is attacking us?" Techno asked over him, tone impassible and as monotone as always, holding another arrow just in front of his face; he seemed more bothered by the thought that someone was trying to attack them than the fact that somebody had shot an arrow at him.

You're welcome, kid. His patron quipped, finally in his normal voice, before retreating to the back of his mind as Tommy summoned energy between his hands, ready to blast into nothingness whoever had been dumb enough to try to kill him.

Tommy wakes up one morning, and the first thing he sees is the sky. This is because, since he agreed to sell his soul for instant magical powers, he has a distinctively cumbersome pair of horns, which prevent him from sleeping on his side comfortably. A small price to pay, since honestly, who even has the time to spend years studying when you can just shake hands, eat an apple and be set for life?

Since they've stopped being a couple of stubby nubs on the side of his head, he also has to wear a pair of muffs over them, in order to avoid destroying his pillow in case he moves more than an inch while he sleeps. He's gathered enough evidence of how much damage he's able to cause to last a lifetime, so he endures Techno's chuckles at his hand-knitted, sock-looking muffs - damn Wilbur for using wool, it's not like his horns ever get cold.

Anyhow. The first thing he sees, is the sky. The second thing he sees is a knife sticking out of the ground next to his head.

Tommy stares at it, figuring he's either still dreaming or his patron has gotten better at his dream-messages - on top of annoying him during the day and giving him advices once every blue moon, he also enjoys sending him extremely cryptic messages through dreams, which Tommy usually forgets by the time he's awake.

He figures it has to be a dream, because sticking out of the ground next to his head is a perfectly clean and sharpened Technoblade Dagger. Thin, sleek, made in a peculiar metal that looks completely black at all time, as if it was capable of absorbing light. Rumors say it was forged with the core of a fallen star; others say it's made of the blood of his fallen enemies which Tommy finds extremely disgusting and definitely unpractical. The handle is simple, with no added leather - Technoblade always says that leather stains easily and is more a bother than anything actually useful.

But the thing is, that's not all.

Tied to the knife is also a string of white, orange and red strings. A small onyx bead is woven inside.

Aww, look! You got yourself- the voice in his head starts, but Tommy is quick to put a stop to it.

Shut up, this is important. He states, tone firm and serious, just like he was when he demanded his pact a few years before. His patron and him joke around and annoy each other a lot, but he knows that tone, so for the next few moments everything is quiet. Around him, the only sound is of the wind, flowing through the leaves, and the crackling fire, courtesy of Phil, who is probably preparing breakfast for all if the delicious smell wafting over is any indication. Tommy hears everything and nothing around him, while all his attention is focused on 1) the token of friendship innocently sitting next to him 2) trying not to yell out at the pure joy he is feeling right now. This is approval. This is acceptance. This is the confirmation that he is, in all ways, part of this team.

I know, kid. I'm glad you found yourself some good friends.

Tommy huffs out a breath, unable to stop himself from smiling - he does not need his patron's approval, but it is still very much appreciated. The demon's helped him a lot, in his own weird demonic way.

The warlock snatches up both items and mutters an excuse as he quickly makes his way towards the river next to their camp.

The first thing he needs to do is find a good place to keep the bracelet.

The thing is, he can't keep it on his wrist. They get into too many nasty places, he is definitely *not* going to let it get soiled by dirt, blood or sewer water - Tommy also does not want to think about the sewers ever again, but that is a rather common and expected reaction. His ankle is also not a good choice, because of all the walking and trudging in the mud they do.

He's not going to keep it in his pack either, he want it close. He's sentimental about it, sue him.

Do not even start. He thinks intensely, anticipating what his patron could have said about his previous thought, but he gets no answer. Whatever. It's better that way.

His arm, he figures, could be the best choice. The bracelet seems to be long enough for him to be able to tie it around his upper arm, and that way his shirt would keep it covered constantly. Not to mention, his cloak also rests over that area. It would be safe and sound, and nobody would be none the wiser!

Tommy sits down by the river and starts working on it: he struggles a bit with actually tying the knot to keep it in place, but after a couple of minutes he's sure it will hold.

Then, satisfied with his work, he stands up and tries to throw the knife in the air and catch it. He does end up letting out a small yelp and letting it tumble to the ground, but he's sure he'll be able to pull it off in time.

"Technoblade!" He calls out loudly, coming back to the round space they decided to call a camp for a night. The thief doesn't even look up, but he does let out a questioning "hmm?" as his ears twitch up.

"Thank you for the wonderful gift! I'll use it wisely!" Tommy exclaims, pointing the dagger straight at his face. Techno turns towards him, nonplussed, and stares at him through the dagger. A moment passes, then Techno raises an eyebrow and moves the point of the blade away from his face with his index finger.

"Great. How about you start by remembering not to point it at allies?"

"Pfft, of course, of course! It was merely a display of how much I'm already able to use it! I bet I could even defeat you, now!" He declares, turning towards Phil's already ready breakfast and digging in, ignoring Techno's rebuttal of him needing to train for many more years in order to have a chance at defeating him, and most importantly Phil's amused and endeared expression.

The druid can read him too well: he already knows. For what Tommy knows, being an elf he probably has a way of seeing the bracelet under his sleeves from like, the way the material bends around it.

But as he scarfs down his food, he's already hatching a plan. Because while he wants to flaunt his newly gained social status, he does also want to keep this ... for himself. This isn't something he wants to share with the world. The fact that he went from being an annoyingly persistent kid to a friend of Technoblade is a personal success. It's just ... His.

What he can do, instead, is brag about having one of Technoblade's daggers. And what if he exaggerates a bit on how he got it? Who's going to correct him and say that it was actually just a mean to deliver to him a friendship bracelet?

Nobody, that's who.

Of course, he needs just one test to make sure it's going to work. It takes some time, but they eventually reach a small town. Wilbur takes care of securing a room for them all, and a discount in exchange for him performing.

Then, one late evening, they're waiting for their food to be delivered at their table, and Tommy is idly playing with Techno's dagger - he has now gotten extremely better at it, and can now not only flip it in air, but also balance it on the tip of his finger.

A bulky man with a coarse looking mustache brings them their dinner, and eyes Tommy as he keeps playing.

He meets his eyes, and his plan falls into place.

"Did you know, good sir, that this is one of the infamous Technoblade's daggers? My prize for besting him in a duel."

Next to him, Wilbur chokes on his beer and spits it all over his fresh loaf of bread. Phil is laughing as he pats his back, and the bartender eyes him suspiciously, apparently ticked off by his teammates's reactions.

"Is that right?"

"Absolutely! Isn't it, Techno?"

Everyone falls silent - except for Wil, who keeps coughing up beer for a while longer - and turns towards Techno, who seems startled at the sudden amount of eyes on him. This is it, the moment of truth. Everything comes down to what Techno answers now, because this could either be Tommy's best, most glorious moment, or a simply rather awkward instance. A moment passes, then-

"Absolutely." Techno's monotone voice answers, and the suspicion on the bartender's face changes to surprise, then impressed respect as he nods towards Tommy.

"Good job, kid." He says, then leaves their table, and Tommy couldn't be happier.

The game is on.

#tommyinnit #technoblade #wilbur soot #philza #ph1lza #sbi dnd au #sbi au #dnd au #my writing #also #jschlatt #not mentioned by name #but he's tommy's patron #it fit too well alright

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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Hi, what would you (or a general person) think/feel/act like if they were happily employed with a major paycheck?

I'm asking coz i feel blockage when I try to imagine living in the state of this manifestation. Fears of being incompetent at interviews and unable to answer questions properly or rambling crop up when I try to even imagine having that amazing job

Worse, I mean not worse, coz ik circumstances shouldn't matter, thing is idk idek the specifics of the ideal company or ideal job post of my desire

Ik I want eg:

an exorbitant salary (financial independence), even tho I fear I won't be able to negotiate at all (I'm not exactly a bargainer)

a role of responsibility where i can learn from the higher ups while inspiring those below, with a level of autonomy

Work that's not tedious or repetitive

So on and so forth

Even tho I don't have much job xp (again, Im prolly invalidating myself here, coz the fact is, I've come to realise even if I win a Nobel Prize, I'll keep feeling I haven't done 'enough'), I do have amazing, hard-as-hell-to-get qualifications (and again... I feel I'm not enough like wth whyyy? ;_; I've met so many people who've got half of these qualifications yet they're more confident and can actually flaunt that while I feel, not like an imposter, but ig worthless when compared)

The worst is Ive always freaking felt it in my bones I'm worthy of a higher role than my current self can achieve (by current self I'm referring to the fact that I do have issues eg nightmare interviews in the past hovering over me, beliefs of being incompetent or unqualified or being unable to answer difficult questions (since I was a child, I've been told, disparagingly alas, that I'm only 'book smart' and could only ace studies by 'rote learning', which is untrue. In fact thanks to that, I actually developed a memory issue whereby I'm unable to memorize stuff easily (btw one of my secrets to academic success has been understanding concepts, mind mapping it all mentally, having a solid grip over foundations etc. Ok I digressed) anyhow, I really do feel unprepared to answer questions (in fact one of my fears is being asked an intrusive question (like hey, why are you eg so pimply? (Btw I'm not, this is just an example) in front of everyone and being at the center of attention in that way 😱) so yeah, I hope you can sense the myriad of beliefs holding me back (and sometimes I feel nauseated to even think of 'facing' these beliefs or fears. Like, it's as I wrote to u rn that I realised I fear looking incompetent, except this case is so severe coz I feel like it's worthless if it's not done perfectly (or as near perfect))

So how do I manifest here? Hell, my mind starts hurting if I assert: okay, let's at least prepare, no, at least LOOK at a job interview question

Ik the Law says I can assume anything and that'll work. So how do I assume I'm, y'know, a confident gal who does not have the aforementioned state of mind? Or how do I defuse the root issues linked to childhood/past stuff? Or better yet, what state should I focus on assuming/taking on? I have no idea how to start. And thanks to analysis paralysis (it took me years to acknowledge this even) I'll end up prolly doing nothing then another month will pass by with me doing nothing and then I'll type another frenzied ask

PS: yep, Im aware of the self concept topic, but I hope u can shed some light on this specific matter at hand, kinda customized?

😰

So to begin with, scratch everything and literally focus on your self-esteem and your concept of self. No, you don't need a good self esteem to manifest, but I'm really passed pretending like it should be optional. Every one of us deserves to feel good about ourselves, for ourselves. And you're holding yourself back so much by not allowing yourself to feel good about who you are. I mean, you list how accomplished you are and yet it's still not good enough for you?

It's confusing because if you felt in your bones you were worthy of something better, how can you sit there and but yourself down so easily? Your reality is giving you what you actually feel worthy of. And it's not what you desire.

You're the only one holding yourself in this story. You know the law says everything is happening now, meaning all desired experiences and versions of yourself are available to you now. You tap into them by using your imagination and dwelling there. So, stop sticking yourself to this story that doesn't help you. You feel unprepared because you keep saying so. You keep replaying this memory of things going badly, when in reality there's not even a past. You're the one keeping it alive by being so consumed by it and thinking it's so real. But see, the past only exists in your mind. It doesn't exist elsewhere. And just like with everything else in our mind, we have the power to decide what is and is not so.

Plus, the comparison game has got to come to an end. Everyone is you pushed out anyway. A win for one person, is a win for all. Who are you comparing yourself to, besides a reflection in the mirror? There's no point. The more you let go of the old way of thinking and allow yourself to remember more and more who you truly are, the easier it'll be to let go of wanting to compare yourself all the time. It's literally your reality. It's your world and everyone else is just living in it. Seriously. You're literally at the center of your world. You're at the heart of it all, there is no one else but self.

Self concept isn't something to push to the side. I notice a lot of people know about it and then go, "ehh but what else is there?" Like, I did the same thing. And that's why my journey was full of detours when I could have just went straight to my destination.

How do you do this? Well, you do have some idea of who you want to be. I mean, I'm guessing you want to be the opposite of every undesirable trait/experience you mentioned? So therefore, (if you want to write it down, please do), you need to decide the mindset you want to focus on manifesting within yourself. Let the outer world be for a bit, it's time to focus on you and only you. Here's an article that gives an example of how to get clear on the version of you that you want to embody.

And then once you get clear on that, really, the only task you have is to wake up everyday and thrive to focus on keeping that mindset. Sure you might slip up, sure some days you may not do well keeping it at all, but it doesn't matter. You keep persisting and it gets easier and becomes your new normal.

You see, I like how Dylan James says manifesting is not a trying process because it makes sense. For example, you didn't try to end up with the experiences you have surrounding career right now. However, you manifested it due to your concept of self. Change your conception of self and without trying, that perfect career you desire will find you. It can be that simple. But we have to allow it to be. Plus, you really only need to focus on yourself. You don't need to have a list that consists of your must-haves in a job, or anything. (Unless you truly like to make lists like that.) Because the truth is, our desires are from God. Therefore, we never need to worry about telling our Godself what we want. Our Godself already knows. So if you are unclear, you can trust you'll be lead exactly where you want to go. Being specific or being general makes no difference and it's okay to approach manifesting with either one. You'll always come out successful no matter what. But the change begins within. There is no one to change but self.

Hopefully this is helpful! You got this! 💖

#career

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bemused-writer · 4 years

Text

Analysis of Subaru, Kamui, and Subaru/Kamui

Ever since I first read X/1999 I was of the Subaru/Kamui persuasion. The two have each suffered a great deal and went out of their way to support one another; every single scene they have is of them doing just that as best they can. And since I have returned to my X/1999 obsession with a vengeance, I figure it’s time to take a look at this ship–and the characters themselves–with everything I got. Technically, this is not a “confirmed” ship. Technically, there are a lot of unconfirmed or implied ships floating around X/1999. I figure that's on account of CLAMP’s multishipping tendencies. Anyhow…

Before we get into this, I won't be taking Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles into account for two reasons: 1) It is an AU and therefore is supposed to give us an alternative look at the characters and 2) If I start including the plotlines of Tsubasa we will never finish this review. X/1999 is already plenty long. 8D I might do a separate post about their interactions in Tsubasa once I reread that manga, though.

With that out of the way, let’s take a look. One of the most obvious things people have to say about these two is that they’re reflections of each other. They’ve been through similar experiences and similar traumas. Their reactions to those experiences are quite different, however, and goes a long way towards explaining why they take separate paths later in the series. Let’s start with their first meeting.

When Subaru first meets Kamui, it’s literally at the worst phase of Kamui’s life. His best friend, Fuuma, has just had his brain washed thanks to fate (!) and the woman he loved, Kotori, was murdered by said best friend right before his eyes. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, he was nearly killed by Fuuma as well, which took on a weird, sexual vibe, which becomes pretty consistent on Fuuma’s part throughout the series.

All of this is extremely similar to what Subaru endured at Seishirou’s hands in Tokyo Babylon years earlier (although the sexual component with Seishirou is toned down quite a bit in comparison). There are some notable differences in circumstance, however, and these circumstances are important to understanding the fundamental differences between Subaru and Kamui themselves. As Subaru says, their pain isn’t the same.

The most pertinent difference between the two is the cause that led them into a coma in the first place and what ultimately brought them out of it. For Subaru, the betrayal and abuse at the hands of the man he loved is what sent him into a coma while the death of his sister, the other person he loved most, is what brought him out of it. In other words, traumatic shock put him into a coma and traumatic shock forced him out of it. There wasn't a single moment that wasn't painful.

For Kamui, it’s quite different. The death of the woman he loved along with the betrayal and abuse at the hands of his best friend is what sent him into the coma. It was doubly traumatic because Kamui lost everything all at once. This is a big part of why Sorata was so worried Kamui would never wake up; he literally had nothing tying him to reality. The only two people he'd ever had a significant bond with were both gone in one fell swoop. The only reason he emerged from this is, of course, because of Subaru’s intervention.

Perhaps the only reason Kamui is even slightly well-adjusted is thanks to the much gentler wake-up call he had in comparison to Subaru. Frankly, after Hokuto died, Subaru didn't have anyone for nine years. It's no wonder he dwelled on nothing but Seishirou, barely managed his duties as head of the Sumeragi clan, and developed a suicidal wish to keep him going.

Kamui has Subaru, so he managed to avoid a lot of that. He's still obsessed with Fuuma, but he has other things to occupy his time with.

Some other differences in Subaru and Kamui's backstory to keep in mind: Seishirou was acting like a good guy in Tokyo Babylon. Fate had absolutely nothing to do with his transformation into a bad guy; that's just how he is. Fuuma actually was a good person who had the good persona wiped away and replaced with ... his fated personality, I suppose. I think this explains some of Kamui's stubbornness when it comes to rescuing Fuuma; he knows fate isn't fair and Fuuma was a victim of it.

Subaru has no such delusions. He knows Seishirou was playing him for a fool and he knows he has no regrets about it. It's why his wish isn't to fix Seishirou; it's merely to die at his hands, so he can finally let go of the whole thing.

And Subaru does his best to keep himself at a distance from his fellow Dragons of Heaven for the sake of this endeavor. He doesn't really befriend any of them or spend any real amount of time with them; he knows his wish will bring nothing but pain to anyone that cares for him, so he tries to avoid those attachments. I suspect we wouldn't have heard much from Subaru in this series if he hadn't become unexpectedly attached to Kamui himself.

So, let's get back to their first meeting. Kamui is in a coma and Subaru delves into his memories in order to help him. This isn't the first time Subaru has done this, and there are a few parallels to his previous case to consider with this one.

In volume 2 of Tokyo Babylon, Subaru has to help a woman, Mitsuki, that he once knew that had fallen into a coma after being sexually assaulted. It's implied this is the first time Subaru has entered someone's mind to help them, and he comments it will be easier if she remembers him at least a little. He'd been dreaming of her earlier that very day.

Now, not only does Mitsuki remember him, it's revealed that she's harbored a crush on him since they were children. It's never made very clear whether or not Subaru returns those feelings, although there are some jokes from Seishirou that she is his rival in love. Regardless, Subaru saves a woman that considers him special and only emerges from her coma thanks to Subaru's kind words.

So, when Subaru enters Kamui’s mind, he knows it will be dangerous. Kamui doesn’t know him at all; there isn’t any kind of attachment to make this easier. But the end result is very similar to what we see in Tokyo Babylon: Kamui emerges both because of Subaru’s kind words, but also because he’s found someone that understands the pain he’s been through to some degree. Both Mitsuki and Kamui reverted to childhood in their sorrow as well, a time where things were much simpler and the world easier to understand.

There’s no doubt that Kamui considers Subaru special after this. How could he not? And if we compare Kamui’s case directly with Mitsuki’s there’s at least the implication he may grow to care for Subaru in a similar fashion to Mitsuki. CLAMP went out of there way to draw as many comparisons between Subaru’s past and Kamui’s present as they could within this series, so I think it’s fair to make this assumption.

It's also notable that Subaru's own feelings on the matter are harder to read in both situations. Did he have feelings for Mitsuki or was she simply a treasured friend from his past? Her words had haunted him for years at that point, so her opinion definitely mattered. Likewise, it's harder for us to tell what he thinks about Kamui. We can tell there's a deep bond and affection there, but it's not quite as straightforward.

The hug is actually quite important here. They held one another in the dreamscape and then continued to in reality. This is interesting because neither Subaru nor Kamui are physically affectionate people. Subaru only ever hugged his sister and maintains a kind of no-contact rule with people in general. He never initiated physical contact with Seishirou throughout Tokyo Babylon and definitely doesn't in X/1999. He doesn't go out of his way to pat his fellow Dragons of Heaven on the back the way Sorata does. The only exception is Kamui.

As for Kamui, he just … isn’t affectionate. 8D You’ll recall how crabby he was at the beginning of X/1999. He was pushing everyone away in a misguided attempt at protecting them. Then, one of the only notable times he initiated physical contact was when he held Kotori in his arms and cupped Fuuma’s cheek for the last time, and that was when he was incredibly distressed and finally willing to admit how much he cared about them both.

These are two people he’s known and trusted his whole life, so it makes sense he would allow some physical contact between them. Consider how he reacts to Sorata, Keiichi, evil!Fuuma, and pretty much anyone else that tries to initiate physical contact: it’s met with either confusion, overt hostility, or acceptance without reciprocation. Honestly, Sorata’s gotten all three of these reactions… 8D

The one exception is Subaru, who he not only accepts physical contact from, but will also initiate. So, the two of them are relatively similar in how they approach this, which is something we'll see throughout this review.

While Subaru was in Kamui’s dreamscape, they discuss several important things, such as the fact Kamui is trying to escape reality and the fact nothing will change or improve if he remains in the coma. He also explains his relationship with Seishirou and how things became much worse when he refused to leave the confines of his own mind.

But there’s a small detail CLAMP drops that I always found interesting.

This isn’t meant to show Kamui as naive. On the contrary, this is actually pretty wise and gets back to Subaru’s Shinto roots. Subaru is an onmyoji, a follower of onmyodo, which is a mix of Chinese philosophy (the five elements, yin-yang theory, etc.), Buddhism, and has elements of Japanese philosophy, i.e. Shintoism.

In Shinto, things really do have lives, and they deserve respect. It's yet another demonstration of how the Sakurazukamori are the opposite of the Sumeragi; they use these basic ideals and corrupt them. Things aren’t important, and neither are people.

So, in one fell swoop, Kamui has reminded Subaru of his own philosophy and demonstrated a fundamental difference between his worldview and Seishirou’s. Kamui is approaching things from a similar place Subaru would have when he was younger (it’s hard to say how much faith Subaru has in his own practice at this point; he’s pretty jaded).

Ultimately, Subaru asks Kamui several questions that give insight into both of their mindsets while they're in the dreamscape: If his [Fuuma’s] true self is restored, are you willing to tell him you killed Kotori? Even if it means he’ll hate you? Even if you must shoulder the blame for the rest of your life? Even if no one else will understand what you wished for and the reasons why?

It’s a pretty serious line of questioning because, in all honesty, what Kamui wants is dangerous. There’s no guarantee he can ever have it, and if he does attain his wish, no one will be spared the repercussions of it, least of all himself. In contrast, Subaru’s wish is a lot less destructive for the world as a whole, but he’s still hurting the people who care about him with it. Still, a lot of these questions are probably the same ones Subaru has had to ask himself over and over again. He knows no one will understand his own wish, that he will have to shoulder the blame for it, and that some could even hate him for valuing himself so little. He's making absolutely sure that Kamui understands the repercussions.

The thing is, while Kamui is willing to shoulder all the potential problems that might arise when Fuuma is restored, he's not at all prepared to think about whether this wish is what he actually wants or if it's even worth all the other problems that will arise from it. Subaru doesn't bring any of that up likely because he's never had to think of the whole planet with his wish. This is outside his own experience. He's doing his best for Kamui, but there are some things he simply won't understand. It's why he pointed out that his pain and Kamui's pain are different; there are some things they won't understand about each other, even with these similarities.

Our next important scene with Subaru and Kamui takes on a much less dramatic tone, which is probably for the best; there’s very little chill time in this series. 8D

Kamui has enrolled in high school due to its location being where the sword will be hidden until he has need of it. He visits Kotori’s grave, which is nearby, and then goes to study with Subaru, though a fellow classmate, Keiichi, had been trying to gain his attention.

For one brief, shining moment, it’s as if we’re in a completely different series where the world isn’t about to end…

But the first thing that’s interesting about this is that it means they must be conversing off screen if they’re making plans to meet up, which is a theme that becomes very common with these two. Unlike the bulk of the Dragons of Heaven, Subaru doesn't live in the same dormitory as Kamui, so they’d have to figure out some way of meeting up. I would have liked to see some of that planning and how often they meet up to study, but CLAMP leaves all that to the imagination.

At any rate, Subaru has enrolled in the college and Kamui is worried he will get in trouble for skipping class to help him.

There’s a lot that's wrong with this. First of all, Subaru is only enrolled in college because it’s a good way of tracking down Seishirou, which Kamui swiftly picks up on. This is incredibly sad because throughout Tokyo Babylon, Subaru had been trying very hard to graduate from high school so that he could then go to college and become a zookeeper. This complete lack of interest in college or anything he once cared about is constantly present and goes a long way towards explaining why Subaru cracks as the series progresses.

Kamui is always very quick to figure out when Subaru is thinking about the Sakurazukamori even though, outside of their first meeting, he never directly brings him up of his own accord. There isn’t a single time when Kamui looks happy about it either. The sheer frequency with which Kamui brings up the Sakurazukamori makes me think he’s constantly looking for confirmation that that man really is the only person Subaru cares about, as if Kamui is hoping one day he’ll give a different response.

At any rate, what Kamui is really taking issue with here is Subaru’s smoking and his attachment to the Sakurazukamori. Subaru says he smokes because it makes him more powerful (which is such… a lie? Does he think anyone would actually believe that?) to which Kamui has this as a response:

Kamui appears sad and disappointed at the answer because it is a disappointing answer (and a lie, but I digress) and Subaru looks surprised because… I think he was actually worried Kamui thought he would be ineffective as a Dragon of Heaven due to the smoking, that it would hinder him in battle. The fact Kamui is worried about his health didn’t even cross his mind.

Their exact exchange was this:

Kamui: But… don’t you worry that it’ll–

Subaru: It’s fine. Some people find that smoking weakens their powers, but for me it has the opposite effect.

He doesn’t let Kamui finish his sentence and immediately comes across as a little defensive about the whole thing. So, yeah, Subaru didn’t think Kamui would care because he cares about Subaru. He thought Kamui only cared as the Kamui, his leader. Realizing he was mistaken changes the rest of their dynamic for the duration of their study session. Subaru snuffs out the cigarette and resumes where they’d left off.

We don’t actually get to see the rest of the study session, though it's implied it goes on for a while. Keiichi interrupts things at some point because he is determined to hangout with Kamui. His reaction to Subaru is both amusing and kind of telling.

Keiichi’s repeated apologies to Subaru for interrupting and stealing Kamui away followed up by his comment that Subaru is good-looking to Kamui really makes it sound like he thought he was interrupting a date and/or that he thinks Kamui is interested in Subaru. Especially after he turns it all around by telling Kamui that he's really good looking as well and, as if that wasn’t enough, invites him to his house and offers to tutor him.

Uh… I’m just going to say it. Keiichi has never been subtle in regards to his massive crush on Kamui and he clearly thinks he’s stealing Kamui away from a potential love interest. 8D

My goodness. XD I really don’t think Kamui picked up on any of that dynamic. He just thinks Keiichi is friendly and kind of weird. It’s like Kamui has developed Sakura syndrome and Keiichi is Tomoyo.

As for Kamui, we get an idea of how he views Subaru thanks to this exchange and it's pretty interesting. It also explains pretty much every single one of Kamui's reactions to Subaru and why their interactions go the way they do.

There’s definitely a lot of fondness there. He agrees that Subaru is good looking and we get an actual image of how he sees him: someone who is ethereal, almost untouchable with a very literal barrier (of water from the dreamscape), but he's willing to reach out and bring Kamui to his level. He absolutely views Subaru as a savior because that’s precisely what Subaru did for him. That’s a pretty complicated relationship, quite a bit more complicated than Keiichi is thinking, that’s for sure.

As for Subaru, he resumes his smoking as soon as Kamui is out of sight. I think Kamui suspected that’s why he wanted to stay behind because he looks contemplative when Subaru says he isn’t coming with. Even Keiichi seems surprised. Maybe that’s why he thought he had a chance with Kamui? (Also, Keiichi and Kamui’s interactions kind of deserve their own analysis because he’s Kamui’s one tie to normalcy and Keiichi has a profound attachment to Kamui the second they meet.)

Even so, Kamui's words about smoking being bad for him sticks with Subaru and you can tell he's conflicted about it. He keeps the cigarettes close, but there's less certainty about it than there was earlier in their conversation.

This part in particular is up for interpretation since there’s no dialogue, but to me it reads as Subaru being unable to let Seishirou go, but possibly wishing he were capable of it. He knows his wish will hurt people, and Subaru has never been content with that. This scene also makes me think of Subaru's one-shot chapter, where a woman says only a person with an ill heart can go around thinking only of one person. Subaru knows smoking is bad for him, but he's also already accepted he's "ill."

I’m a little unclear on how much time has passed, but the next time Kamui and Subaru see each other, it’s after Kamui is returning home from Keiichi’s house. He’s attacked by Fuuma and Subaru rushes in to save him.

Subaru legitimately came out of nowhere in this scene. Where was he before? How'd he get there so quickly? I know that the Dragons of Heaven can sense when a kekkai is raised, but Kamui can't raise one, so... I honestly can't remember, can the Dragons of Heaven just sense when Kamui is in danger? Because if not, I really don't know how Subaru knew to be exactly where he was needed.

Regardless, the battle between Fuuma and Kamui was going about as well as it usually does, which is to say absolutely terribly. Subaru gets a kekkai raised, and we actually get to see him use his onmyoji abilities in earnest against Nataku. You have no idea how much I wish we'd gotten to see infinitely more of this.

Unfortunately, Subaru ultimately loses once Fuuma joins the fray, but that’s because Fuuma is, frankly, an OP villain. I have never understood why the villains are so much more powerful than the good guys in this series. That’s just bad game design.

So, Subaru actually manages to capture Fuuma in a kekkai. I’m a little unclear on what the end goal of this was going to be. Annihilating him? Trapping him for good? But we don’t get to find out because Subaru gets lost in visions of Seishirou, the man he wants to kill him. To add insult to injury, Fuuma attacks him the same way Seishirou did when he was 16 and blinds his eye, saying it’s “his wish.” Ever notice Fuuma only seems to grant the really messed up wishes? He doesn’t have to grant all of these. He could focus on some nice ones for a change. Sheesh…

More importantly (as far as this review goes), Kamui is once again in the same situation Subaru was when he was 16. He is being protected by someone who loses their eye and he was powerless to stop it, just as Subaru was all those years ago. The main difference is that back then, Subaru was purposefully allowing someone to take their anger out on him and Seishirou got in the way. Kamui was forcibly restrained from the battle and had no choice but to witness events. It also shows the difference in their personality: Subaru isn't predisposed to fighting and is more than willing to be hurt if it helps another while Kamui is perfectly all right with fighting, he just doesn't want to hurt the other Kamui because it will hurt Fuuma.

There are some other differences as well. When Seishirou’s eye was gouged out he kind of just… walked into the ER? 8D Didn’t comfort Subaru, just casually stopped the woman from attacking him and walked away. So, Subaru’s distress levels were through the roof.

Kamui’s distress levels are also ridiculously high, but once again, Subaru is far more compassionate than Seishirou and I’m sure Subaru can see the parallels here. He knows exactly what Kamui’s going through, and he doesn’t want Kamui beating himself up the way he did to himself all those years ago. He actually stops the gurney in an effort to comfort him.

It definitely helps, but sometimes Subaru is a little too honest with Kamui. He tells him this was his “wish.” Needless to say, that doesn’t exactly ease Kamui’s mind because it raises a lot of questions about Subaru's mental state he probably hadn't even been considering before.

What follows is the most clear cut parallel we’ve ever had between Subaru and Kamui. Subaru’s despair at possibly losing Seishirou when he was 16 is nearly identical to Kamui’s despair at nearly losing Subaru in the present. CLAMP is not doing this accidentally.

This, almost more than anything else, makes me believe that Kamui has feelings for Subaru because there’s not really a reason to include this parallel otherwise. In Tokyo Babylon, after Seishirou lost his eye, Subaru realized he was in love with him. It wasn't right away, but that was the incident that sparked the whole thing.

After Subaru loses his eye, Kamui stays by his side as much as possible. Kamui is never shown to have a sudden revelation he’s in love, but this is where the differences between Subaru and Kamui really become important.

Back then, Subaru was terrified of Seishirou hating him after the eye incident, and I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that Seishirou was trying to win a bet. He proclaimed his love to Subaru all the time, but he was also mysterious and decidedly standoffish. Subaru had a difficult time reading him, therefore he couldn’t predict what Seishirou would think of him afterwards.

Subaru also has a fundamentally different personality to Kamui; he had no awareness of his own feelings toward Seishirou until his sister made him think about it and a stranger said it sounded like he really loved this individual.

Whether Kamui is worried Subaru will hate him is a little unclear, but we do know that one of Kamui’s biggest opinions of Subaru is that he’s very kind. We also know he admires him as the man that saved him and saw him at his worst already. Subaru is always honest and very open with Kamui; there isn’t any additional layer of confusion in this regard (there is confusion about other things, though). The only thing Kamui fears right now is Subaru dying in this situation. He also feels massive guilt for being incapable of helping him. Kamui is taking the blame for this.

Another difference is that Kamui doesn’t have anyone deliberately trying to get him to think about his feelings for Subaru, but I think Kamui is more predisposed to falling for people in general? Or at least more capable of realizing when he has. He loved Kotori and never seemed to be in denial about it from what I can tell. It wasn’t declared in a straightforward manner in the manga, but the series made it apparent enough through other things. Kotori is considered his canonical love interest for this very reason. And I think that’s more or less what we ought to expect in regards to Kamui’s feelings toward Subaru. There isn’t going to be a big revelation; it will simply be.

And part of that quiet revelation is how attached he continues to be to Subaru after this incident.

Subaru is overtly worried about Kamui, probably because he knows how worked up he was over Seishirou himself when it happened, but also because he thinks Kamui hasn't slept. "It's harder for him to bear the wounds to his heart than the wounds to his body." Subaru definitely understands Kamui's pain all too well and he knows that while this particular incident is his own fault, Kamui is the one who will shoulder the blame, just as he did all those years ago.

It's interesting that Kamui asks for permission to visit him again. It definitely implies that maybe he actually is a little worried Subaru doesn't want him around, that he's sending him away because he's upset with him.

Kamui looks quite distressed at first, but one look from Subaru and he knows Subaru isn’t upset with him; he's worried about him.

These two tend to be very quiet around each other as soon as other people are in the room, and both Sorata and Arashi are right there. As soon as they’re alone, they engage in far more intimate conversation. Yet, they appear to be pretty good at silent communication as well and a lot is exchanged in the above panels.

Even if Subaru has forgiven him, Kamui is still plagued by what happened (understandably). He compares it to his failure to save Kotori. Two important people to him are hurt/killed because he couldn’t fight against Fuuma. It’s a powerful dilemma and a powerful comparison.

Still, after a conversation with Sorata, a visit to Kotori's grave, and a conversation with Keiichi, Kamui has renewed hope. He can do something against Fuuma: he can protect the people he cares about. This renews Kamui's determination to learn how to create a kekkai, a plot point that is never actually finished... I honestly wonder if would have learned to create one? And what would have sparked that?

We get a little insight into what Subaru is thinking about events, though. It's about as depressing as you'd expect with the trajectory of this series.

Subaru has a selfish wish. He knows that wish will hurt everyone that knows him and now there are quite a few people who care about him, something he'd been trying to avoid.

Yuzuriha is entirely correct in her analysis here, though for more reasons than she might realize. She's essentially saying that both Kamui and Subaru look down on themselves and try to solve things on their own. It's why she makes them promise to call on her if they need help. But she's also correct in another way: they both have selfish wishes and they're hurting everyone around them for the sake of those wishes. Subaru is hurting people on an emotional level by pursuing death, while Kamui is inadvertently getting people injured and killed for the sake of rescuing Fuuma. The message is clear: if these two could let go of their one "wish" they could finally move on to other possibilities and would be far more effective at saving the world. It's a cruel irony that CLAMP made their kindest character and their hero the most emotionally compromised and the most inadvertently selfish. It's also a little unfortunate that kindness and hope seem to get trampled on so much in this series, but that's a whole separate issue.

Yuzuriha also leaves Subaru with a parting gift and, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she reminds him of his sister just a bit.

The cherry blossoms definitely bring Seishirou to mind as well as Subaru's wish for death, but it also makes me think of Hokuto as well, especially the rabbit plush. It just seems like something she would do. Regardless, Subaru still hasn't moved on.

Kamui engages in yet another battle with Fuuma, which actually goes worse than the last one. Sorata and Arashi aren't as timely as Subaru had been (Dragons of Heaven must simply be able to sense when Kamui is in trouble because they also were no where nearby. Alternatively, Hinoto is just telling them stuff). Fuuma is saying something about eating Kamui's heart. We could put this down as him being a general creep, but there's usually a double meaning with him. Perhaps one of Kamui's wishes is that he just didn't feel anything at all...?

All of this eventually brings us to our next Kamui and Subaru scene. This one has a very quiet, intimate vibe to it, probably on account of it not taking place in a hospital but what I think is Kamui's room?

Kamui has some pretty serious injuries this time around, and we learn that Subaru stayed with him the entire time, just as Kamui did for him at the hospital.

Actually, these two seem a lot closer than they did previously. Is it simply because of Subaru losing his eye? Did that open up a new level of compassion between one another? Was there more off-screen development? My guess is it’s mostly the former, but the latter is a distinct possibility with the way things have been going.

What is plain is that these two are always supporting each other in times of crisis. Not always physically, but emotionally. Subaru in particular is always there to counsel Kamui on whatever issue he wants to discuss while Kamui reminds Subaru that people actually do care about him and Kamui is one of those people.

“And yet, despite all that, I still can’t abandon Fuuma.”

Honestly, I think even Kamui is beginning to wonder if his wish is really worth it. He’s losing all the people he cares about in this pursuit. I genuinely think if Subaru had told him to rethink things here, he might have, because he trusts him and his wish has gotten him absolutely nothing so far.

Unfortunately, Subaru isn’t exactly in a great place to be telling people they need to rethink their life choices, so he doesn’t. Instead, he tries to be encouraging, which is both kind and misguided.

This is a level of emotional and physical intimacy that we just don’t see between any of the nonromantic relationships in this series. It’s actually more touch focused than a great deal of Arashi and Sorata’s interactions and those two actually have a very close emotional connection that develops into a sexual relationship later on in the series, so I have a hard time believing I’m supposed to read this scene as entirely platonic.

But what Subaru is saying is important, even if I think it’s a philosophy that manages to get both him and Kamui into trouble. “Happiness” is basically satisfaction or completion in this context. It’s not necessarily joy. Subaru is essentially telling Kamui that, yes, his wish may be selfish but it’s his. If it is the only thing that can satisfy him, he must pursue it.

Kamui makes no further comment on his own wish; he’s latched onto Subaru’s once more and is bringing Seishirou up yet again. Subaru appears surprised, perhaps because Kamui saw right through him or perhaps because Kamui’s interest in the subject has been so pointed, but he says “yes.”

I really do think Kamui was looking for something from Subaru here that he didn’t quite get. I genuinely believe he’s trying to get confirmation on whether his path is correct or not, but Subaru doesn’t really give him an answer. When that doesn't work, he tries to figure out if Seishirou is really the only thing that can bring Subaru satisfaction, which reveals this is yet another thing that's been on his mind.

That is not acceptance or understanding on Kamui’s face. That is something a little closer to sadness, disappointment, or possibly even anger. He is not pleased with this answer.

There are a lot of layers happening with this conversation and a lot of insinuations, but none of it is ever just laid out for us to see. What seems relatively straightforward to me is that Kamui wishes Subaru would let Seishirou go. He isn’t content with Seishirou being the answer to Subaru’s wish, but he also can’t bring himself to criticize it either. After all, that would be pretty hypocritical; Kamui can’t selfishly pursue his own wish while simultaneously asking Subaru to give up his own for Kamui, but I think there’s a part of Kamui that genuinely wants that to happen.

It also reveals that Kamui does have doubts about the path he's chosen. He never says it outright--he's always vocally determined to save Fuuma--but he's looking to Subaru for guidance on this issue. Not anyone else. Subaru.

So no, Kamui can't reveal that he's unsure about his wish; it's what bonded him and Subaru in the first place. Likewise, he can't ask Subaru to rethink his own wish. What really needs to happen for these two is for them both to give up their current wish to pursue … whatever this is. I’ve talked a lot about Kamui’s feelings for Subaru, but Subaru definitely holds affection for Kamui as well. There would be no reason to hold his hand that way otherwise. And there’s no way Subaru isn’t aware of the parallels; he is definitely occupying a similar role to Seishirou in Tokyo Babylon, that odd mix of mentor and potential love interest. The obvious difference being that Subaru isn’t a psychopathic killer.

Anyway, Sorata and Arashi once again interrupt their odd bonding moment and it’s incredible how swiftly the mood in the room changes. Subaru physically moves away from Kamui, stands at a more respectable distance, and Kamui turns his attention to everyone else. It definitely feels like they aren’t trying to advertise their emotional connection or their problems. Kamui becomes the leader and Subaru becomes another Dragon of Heaven.

Subaru eventually returns to his side when Kamui enters a dream state with Hinoto while the others are there, but he doesn’t say anything further. It’s interesting that Sorata has no issue with hugging Kamui or putting an arm around him when others are around, but Subaru does. Of course, Sorata is simply more demonstrative than Subaru on any given day, but it does feel like quite a stark contrast.

It looks like several days go by between that visit and their next one. Kamui is mostly recovered and heading back to school.

This is so subtle it’s very easy to miss–I did the first couple of times–but Kamui just finished buttoning up his shirt here. He is not inspecting his scars like I initially thought.

How long has Subaru been there? They’re pretty obviously in the middle of a conversation; he didn’t just arrive. It kind of suggests Kamui just… got dressed in front of him, which is definitely a shift. Their general attitudes towards each other are quite different from before as well. The opening panel above shows both of them as seeming more confident than before.

I’m not sure I believe anything untoward happened between them because that would be a pretty drastic shift in dynamics, but if there ever was a point in this series where something more physically intimate occurred (not necessarily anything sexual mind you), it's probably the unseen precursor to this scene. It's CLAMP, so... I guess what I'm saying is that I sometimes just don't know with them. XD

Regardless, all of this reveals, however subtly, a side to their relationship that doesn’t get a whole lot of focus. Namely, all that off-screen bonding I was talking about earlier.

Some of their comfort level is no doubt from the situation being less bleak in general of course. That usually helps.

And then there’s all of this:

Kamui's left arm is giving him a lot more trouble than his right. That explains why he was buttoning up his shirt with just the one previously. But he appears thoughtful, maybe a bit sad, as Subaru helps him with his tie. A lot of that has to do with him not knowing where Yuzuriha is–she could be in grave danger–but I also think some of it has to do with Subaru and Kamui’s feelings toward him. I think it’s safe to say things have entered “complicated” territory. They have a relationship that's incredibly close, but no matter how close Kamui gets to him, there's always a barrier there.

There's also the fact that Kamui always feels guilty when he's incapable of something, so even something as simple as needing help with his tie could be causing him some distress.

So much of what goes on between these two is unspoken. Subaru helping him with his tie is something that doesn’t have to be romantic, but it is a frequently used trope used to demonstrate trust and care, usually between two people who are already together.

If Seishirou and Subaru’s relationship reached it’s culmination after Seishirou lost an eye, I think it’s safe to say that Subaru and Kamui’s is following a similar trajectory, only Subaru didn’t immediately turn on Kamui. Instead, they have time to explore things in a way Subaru never did with Seishirou, whatever that may mean.

Subaru moves things into safer waters from Yuzuriha’s disappearance to Keiichi. He says he will be glad to see Kamui back in school and that he asked Subaru every day if he was all right.

Now, I mentioned earlier that Keiichi definitely thought Subaru and Kamui had something going on and felt he might be stealing Kamui away, but what does Subaru think of Keiichi?

I'd say "curious" but supportive and completely unconcerned about any competition. Honestly, Subaru doesn't strike me as the jealous type, so even if there is something between him and Kamui, I don't think he'd stop Kamui from pursuing something with anyone else. Subaru wouldn't consider himself a great choice; he thinks he's selfish after all.

This is the last normal moment Kamui and Subaru have before Subaru's final confrontation with Seishirou.

I feel relatively safe in the assumption that Subaru was going to say "like you." This is before he even becomes the Sakurazukamori, but he now considers himself selfish and he can't move on from his past whatsoever. He's also lost some of the empathy he had when he was younger; he's definitely kind, but he isn't willing to give everything up for others. He's arguably taken on Seishirou's role with Kamui as well, which I'm sure he has mixed feelings about. And ultimately, he and Seishirou share the same wish: to be killed by the person they love. So, yes, Subaru is definitely different from how he used to be.

It's after Seishirou dies that Subaru really snaps in the series. He was struggling to get by for the majority of it, but this really does it. It’s notable that even now, Kamui restrains himself.

Kamui always holds himself back when it comes to matters involving both Subaru and Seishirou. He never tells Subaru what he thinks of his wish and he doesn’t know how to help him. I think a lot of his resistance to actively reaching out to Subaru on this matter, both physically and emotionally, is out of a misguided sense of respect for him. Subaru knows what he wants and did a great deal for Kamui; Kamui tries to return the favor by giving him distance, but I think distance was the wrong thing to give Subaru. He needs to be dragged into the now and he needs to be reminded that people care. That's a lot to take on though, so I can't blame Kamui for not knowing what to do, especially when he's looking to Subaru for guidance. He doesn't feel like he can take on that role.

Their final parting is tough to watch.

I think this time, Kamui actually is worried Subaru might hate him, because for the first time he’s actually “disrespected” Subaru’s wish. He didn’t let him die with Seishirou when the bridge collapsed. He saved him and that goes against everything Subaru has wanted for the last nine years.

But once again, Subaru misunderstands and I think there’s a part of Subaru that simply can’t accept that Kamui cares for him as a person. He’s stopped caring about himself, so he doesn’t connect the very obvious dots in front of him.

Subaru: You don’t need to worry about me. I’m not going to fall apart.

It could be this is just how Subaru deflects. Rather than discuss what’s really bothering him, he tries to treat Kamui like a leader who is talking to his subject, but that simply isn’t the relationship they ever had, least of all now.

Once again, Kamui gets to the heart of the matter; Subaru is thinking of Seishirou. Everything he's done is for Seishirou, and it's now very apparent Kamui simply can't accept that. He's sorry for it, he knows that if he really wanted to "respect" Subaru he would have let him die, but he couldn't do it.

Even now, Subaru is still trying to explain things to Kamui and still trying to comfort him to a limited degree; Subaru’s not exactly at his best right now, though and it's all pretty dejected. Despite having his wish denied, he doesn't blame Kamui. As he points out a little bit later, some wishes collide. He doesn't hold it against Kamui, though.

Kamui brings up the cigarettes again and this implies the whole thing is still bugging him and that he simply doesn’t understand Subaru’s motivations.

It’s interesting that our only previous glimpse into how Kamui feels about Subaru showed Subaru as being above him, yet reaching out to bring him closer. Here, Kamui literally sits on his knees before him so that Subaru is hovering over him, almost like a king with his subject, and Subaru is metaphorically reaching out to Kamui in an effort to explain himself so that Kamui might understand him.

Subaru explains everything, and essentially tells him he will never understand Seishirou now, never know what he really thought.

I think it’s safe to say that Kamui is feeling similarly about Subaru at the moment--he doesn't feel like he understands him nor does he understand what he's thinking--and once again Subaru is taking Seishirou’s role in a very roundabout way, albeit in a kinder fashion. But there's no doubt that Kamui is giving Subaru power here. Everything about their posture and conversation indicates that. While Subaru sometimes tries to treat Kamui like a leader either as a way of deflecting or because he actually believes that's the right way to handle things, we see here that Kamui absolutely views Subaru as the person with the wisdom and authority to determine things. Maybe not about the fate of the world, that's Kamui's duty, but as far as giving directions? As far as getting a say in what happens next? Absolutely.

And once again, Kamui is looking for something from Subaru he can’t give: he’s asking if what he’s pursuing is “right” and if he should change. Subaru is being given the power to change Kamui’s course and I don’t think he even realizes it.

While looking at their progression, I really think some of Kamui’s steadfast determination to save Fuuma is partially because of how Subaru keeps affirming this belief for him. There were at least two big moments where Subaru could have nudged him in a different direction, but he didn’t take it. Instead, he tries to be encouraging, although this time it’s definitely more fatalistic. Subaru doesn't understand the influence he has over Kamui and that is one of their biggest miscommunications in the series.

Even as lost as Subaru is currently, he still cares about Kamui. He wants him to focus on his own desires, not on him, and he wants him to take care of himself. The problem is that he’s completely missing the fact that Kamui relies on him, cares about him, and would do a lot better if Subaru stayed in some capacity. Instead, he disappears for a month.

Needless to say, Subaru is very much on his mind throughout his absence and Kamui still can't make a kekkai. He thinks about how everyone has something they want to protect, and that's why they can make one. His thoughts lead him right back to Subaru.

This is the person he's thinking about the most while he's visiting Kotori. This is the person he wants to return. And we actually get to see what it is Kamui actually wants for a change:

I don't know if this is the wish Kamui hasn't realized but it's definitely a wish: he wants Subaru to come back. He wants to go out and look for him. He wants Subaru to be capable of caring for someone other than the Sakurazukamori. The implication is that he wants to be important enough to Subaru for him to come back.

Just as Subaru wanted to be important enough to Seishirou for him to acknowledge him, so too does Kamui wish he were important enough for Subaru to do the same.

Kamui continues with "The people I most wanted to protect were Kotori and Fuuma. But Kotori is gone. And now all I want is to get Fuuma back. But... I still can't create a kekkai."

Fuuma is watching this moment through the dreamscape and has this input:

So, protecting Fuuma isn’t his real wish. What is? The only other thing he was thinking about was Subaru, but even I hesitate to say that’s the ultimate wish. I definitely think it's an important, unrealized wish all the same, however. As for Kamui's real wish, I’ve been assuming it was he'd chosen a different side so Fuuma could be spared or possibly that he had died instead of Kotori. CLAMP makes it hard to say for sure.

Anyhow, we finally see where Subaru’s been hiding out for a month plus: the Sakurazukamori’s house. I’m not entirely sure how he found it, but there it is.

Also, Seishirou’s final wish is about as messed up as you’d expect.

Wow, we get weird eye stuff and a dose of stalker possessiveness. 8D CLAMP outdid themselves. I can't even...

And as if that wasn't enough, we get this:

D-do I even want to know what that means? The context of this is incredibly bizarre. He’s talking about how Seishirou was upset another man hurt Subaru. The only person that’s been hurting Kamui is him.

Am I supposed to assume Fuuma wants to prevent anyone else from leaving any kind of mark on Kamui? Is that supposed to be a reference to an actual person? The only person I could think of is Subaru as far as who's been interacting with him, and I’m not actually sure that makes sense. 8D Is he talking about the original Fuuma? He’s jealous of himself? Or possibly even Kotori? Or am I supposed to assume Fuuma just wants to mark Kamui as his with another freaky eye exchange? CLAMP… Why…

Anyway, Subaru takes the eye because he’s been making a series of bad decisions and he isn’t about to let up now.

The next time we see Subaru, he has decided to do nothing, which is basically what he’d decided to do beforehand, only now he has Seishirou’s eye and is willing to watch events unfold. We see that there’s a little tension between him and Fuuma, which is… hardly surprising all things considered.

It’s interesting that Fuuma says Seishirou has been very selfish when it comes to Subaru. That would be pretty obvious to the audience, but Subaru is surprised by this assessment. Seishirou is preventing Subaru from achieving his “wish,” i.e. death and he’s also preventing him from connecting with other people. That’s the height of selfishness.

It is strange hearing this from Fuuma when he is being equally awful, however, which is probably why Subaru points out that wishes are something only Fuuma knows to begin with in what can only be described as an annoyed fashion.

We know Subaru has been on Kamui’s mind (a lot) and it looks like Kamui has been on Subaru’s as well.

Subaru does care about Kamui is the thing, which is why it's doubly strange seeing him as a Dragon of Earth. He doesn't want Kamui hurt, but he claims he's not going to be involved. Can that really be the case if he genuinely cares about someone on the opposite side?

Interestingly, he avoids the subject. He's always been private when it comes to Kamui and it looks like that isn't about to change here, especially when he's talking to the man who has tormented him so much.

The next time Kamui sees Subaru is in the midst of battle with Fuuma and Kamui definitely feels betrayed.

Subaru's presence here is a little strange and I think the only reason he's shown up at all is because he cares about Kamui, just like Fuuma said. He's not showing it in the best way, but...

At long last, Subaru tells Kamui what he needed to hear ages ago and using the opportunity he's been given many times, but never used. Kamui needs to rethink some things and saving Fuuma isn’t what he really wants.

And the thing is, Kamui listens. The final chapter ends with Kamui remembering Karen’s words and finally trying to piece together what might actually be going on and it’s all because Subaru finally stepped in and offered an actual opinion. That's the level of influence Subaru has over Kamui and I'm still not sure Subaru has figured that out.

So, how would things have progressed with Subaru and Kamui after all this? Obviously, there’s no way to say for sure. If CLAMP wanted to draw the final parallel between the Subaru/Seishirou relationship and the Subaru/Kamui relationship, then it’s quite possible Subaru will die at Kamui’s hands. Another possible parallel is that one of them realizes they love the other, but only when it's too late. But the thing is, while there are parallels between these relationships, their differences are far more profound and these two never had the kind of relationship where one would ever want to kill the other.

Even with Subaru’s betrayal, I doubt Kamui wants to see harm come to him; he’s still looking to him for guidance and support. He no doubt wants Subaru to come back. It's what he's been wanting ever since he left.

Rather than Kamui killing Subaru, it’s much more likely Subaru would sacrifice himself for Kamui, possibly as his final wish. It’s also possible Subaru decides to rejoin the Dragons of Heaven because there really isn’t any reason he has to be with the Dragons of Earth? He’s not a fan of Fuuma, he has no attachment to the people there. He’s just there for the sake of Seishirou’s memory. Undoubtedly there would be some conversation(s) between Subaru and Kamui even with them being on opposite sides. This wasn't supposed to be the final battle; Kamui doesn't die here. For all we know, that sword Fuuma's been holding up for years never strikes Kamui; it could hit someone that flings themselves in front of Kamui or it could be blocked or any number of things. But it isn't the end.

Furthermore, there's still the matter of Kamui learning to make a kekkai. It would be very strange if CLAMP never gave him a reason to create one. The issue Kamui is having is that the people he wanted to protect in the world are already gone. He needs some other reason or person to create a kekkai. This means he needs to realize an attachment to a person he didn't realize he had. I'm just saying, Subaru is a good choice for that.

And like Kamui, I have to wonder if there’s anything out there Subaru would be willing to protect. The likeliest candidate is Kamui himself.

Now, I would personally like a much happier ending to this manga than I think we were likely to get, but whatever the ending, I don’t think CLAMP was going to drop the exploration they had going of Kamui and Subaru’s relationship. It didn’t dominate the series, but it also got a lot more focus than they needed to give it. It was important and it was unique and I think their bond could have continued to grow if the world had been a little kinder to them and if they’d both been willing to move on a little sooner.

And that’s all for now. This turned out to be very long. I will now proceed to content myself with writing more fanfic. 8D

#long post #x1999 #x #subkam #ship manifesto #subkam ship manifesto #sumeragi subaru #shirou kamui #Bemused's post #This took so much time...#I really hope the pictures loaded in correctly 8D

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my-oh-my · 4 years

Text

silver bullets and red roses: chapter one

hi! this is my first post, i started writing this series literally months ago and i forgot about it. i read it over again and got the cringe sweats but i edited it so its not overly horrific. dunkirk! harry was my late sexual awakening. so be kind!

Alex! Harry x Female OC

Warnings: PTSD (in a sense), war scenes - please, please, please don't read if anything makes you uncomfortable! its not worth it!

Summary: Rose Harrington joins her father in an attempt to save the men trapped at Dunkirk

Word Count: 1.73k

next chapter

masterlist

It was not difficult to spot Rose Harrington in a crowd of people. Her luminous smile was easy to find in room of others, her smile lit up the entire room – it was near impossible for her expression of happiness to catch onto your own. Though it seemed more challenging to find her than it originally seemed in the eyes of the Nazis situated in Dunkirk.

Rose Harrington was an exceptional young lady. Fluent in four different languages; Italian, French, German and English, the top of her school in academics, nurse and a British spy under the orders of the S.O.E to pose as a German Nazi nurse on the wretched battlefield in Dunkirk.

Though here she sat, on a dreary June day, listening cautiously to the radio cracking out words to keep the Nation up to date on the war situation. She watched as they steady rain tapped against the windowpane, the droplets racing each other to the bottom of the window. It had been a month since she returned from her deathly mission in Dunkirk, scenes which she had seen, endured, flashing through her mind every now and again causing her to inhale sharply or pinch her arm. She had seen death beyond belief, she had escaped death too many times to count on her polished fingers, but she would do it all again to know that she had helped a multitude of people by her actions.

A sudden noise awoke her from her unconscious daydreaming, the entrance door opening, causing her to jolt in her spot on the armchair. Rose gently rose to her feet, chasing the sound of the door and rattling. Her father’s figure came into view, making Rose ease her mind. She furrowed her brows as she noticed him search through doors of the cabinet, throwing keys onto the dark wooden surface on top.

“What’s happening?” Rose questioned, walking closer towards her father, who looked up at her in light shock, “They’ve called for little boats to rescue the men at Dunkirk, I’m going” He muttered, inspecting a key before placing it in his pocket and turning around in a hurry to the cupboard on the other side of the entrance. Rose studied him, determination beginning to course through her veins, “Ok, I am coming too” she pronounced softly, slipping on her black oxfords, “No. No you are not. You have done more than enough with this war. Plenty” He ordered, pointing his finger towards Rose sternly to which she returned with a shake of her head, “No. I want to do more. I can do more. It is for my country. You need help anyhow.” She insisted, clearly not straying from her decision by shrugging on her coat.

Joseph Harrington was a Captain in World War I. He suffered, he had to make several hard decisions which would haunt him in his later years. He loved his family dearly, but the weight of war on his shoulders sometimes became too heavy for him. On some occasions, when fireworks would boom through the neighbourhood on New Year’s Eve or he would read a newspaper recalling the events in the war, he would burst into fits of rage. Chairs, glassware and the delicate skin of the ones he loved would break when he came into these fits, leaving tears stained on everyone’s cheeks as they began to clean the mess made, Joseph sitting in his arm chair; a glass of bourbon resting in his trembling hands. The Harringtons knew that it was just shell shock, that he did not mean to do such things and they still loved him, but that did not stop them from pits of fear overwhelming their stomachs. Joseph was positive that letting Rose come with him was one of those decisions which would leave him overcome with distraught in the future, but he also knew his daughter. She was determined, she never gave up.

“You’re just like your Mother” he sighed, grabbing a bundle of ropes out of the cupboard and opening the front door, Rose smiled graciously before walking swiftly out the door.

“Diese britischen Bastarde werden keine Woche länger durchhalten (These British bastards won’t last a week)” a man spat, blood pouring out of his arm, a sizable gun shot wound evident in his bicep, “Wir töten sie wie nichts (We’re killing them like its nothing)” he continued. Rose sat him down on a stretcher, tying a bandage around the wound tightly whilst trying to not listen to the Nazi’s gross bragging. “Was passiert da draußen? (What’s happening out there?)” Rose asked innocently, looking up at the man’s wicked blue eyes curiously.

“Sie schicken sie nur unvorbereitet ab (They’re just sending them off unprepared)” he replied glancing at the other men in the open area, “Wir greifen sie heute Abend an, ein offenes Gebiet entlang der Küste des Strandes, wo sie sitzen (We're attacking them tonight, an open area along the coast of the beach where they're sitting)” he smirked proudly as Rose returned it with one of her own (of course it was fake, unbeknownst to him). “Ich weiß, dass du einen guten Job machst, das machst du immer, was mir den Job als Krankenschwester erleichtert (I know that you do a good job, you always do that, which makes my job as a nurse easier)” She smiled, beginning to clear the blood made by the man, who chuckled lightly at her joke.

“Heil Hitler (Hail Hitler)” he proclaimed, to which Rose strained a smile of pride. The man rushed away, laughing along with a bunch of men in their Nazi uniforms a few metres away from her. She made a mental note to ensure she did not leave any details out in her telegraph back home, these details meaning life or death for many men.

Rose could not see home. Nor could she see the blood-stained beaches of Dunkirk. She could only see the unforgiving deep blue waters of the ocean which stretched for kilometres, and boats. There were boats of all different sizes and colours littered along the water, all come together to save their men. She inhaled deeply, smelling the saltiness on the sea breeze and the petrol fumes expelling from her boat’s engine.

“It’s quite amazing, isn’t it?” Rose spoke out against the apprehensive silence which clouded the boat, “What is” her father muttered, eyes on the water in front of him as he steered the boat, “The number of people, number of boats” she replied looking around them at them all, a sense of patriotism filling her insides. The flag of the union jack whipped around behind them, cracking with the pride of the British.

The boat was a moderate size, with a timber finish and a deck below. It had become slightly rusty from the lack of use, blue paint beginning to crack and chip off on the sides. Nevertheless, she was still the Harrington’s beauty, Pegasus was her name. Before the war, before Rose had grown up, it was a family boat. On warm summer Saturdays, the Harringtons would take Pegasus for a dip into the Iris Canal, with packed ham sandwiches and a treat of a biscuit, courtesy of Doreen Harrington. Doreen and Joseph would sit back in the boat, Doreen perhaps reading a book whilst Joseph nostalgically smoked cigarettes. They seemed so calm in comparison to Charles and Rose, who were playfully splashing the cool water of the river at each other, laughter floating down the canal.

If you had met Charles and Rose, you would be surprised to hear that they were not Siamese twins separated. They were each other’s best friend, they never fought, they simply enjoyed one another’s company. Charles was a year older than his sister, a shy young man with outstanding engineering talents. As the war began to unfold, the unspeakable idea arose in the Harrington household brought up by Charles. “I must go, it would be cowardly if I didn’t” he spoke calmly to Rose who stared down into her lap, tears rolling unconsciously down her rosy cheeks.

“Its not cowardly at all Charles. It is ok to not go, to say no to being killed.” She choked out, looking up at Charles who was standing in the doorway of her bedroom. “I’m not going to be killed, Rose. I will survive.” He breathed, walking towards Rose and kneeling in front of where she sat on her bed. Rose looked back down into her lap, fiddling with her perfectly polished hands. “Rose” he whispered, wrapping his hands around Rose’s little ones to stop her anxious fiddling. Rose stared deeply into her brother’s, the calming blue matching her own. “I promise, I will survive” he continued, a small sympathetic smile growing on his face. Rose breathed deeply, the thought of losing her brother becoming a little less overwhelming at his promise. “Even if you do survive, you’ll turn out like Dad” she muttered, a single tear falling. Charles sighed shakily, wiping the tear away with the back of his hand. “Not if I can help it” he smiled sympathetically, “I don’t think I’ll ever be as bald as him” he joked, grinning largely. Rose chuckled, sniffling up her last bits of sadness and pulling her broken parts back together.

The faint outline of the grey shores of Dunkirk beach began to appear as Rose and her father drew closer to the men. Rose inhaled, looking out towards the shore. She began to feel a slight pull at her stomach, and she hated herself for it. These men had been sitting ducks for months, a multitude dying in the meantime, she had merely spent a month in Dunkirk. Now was not the time to be fussed about her own apprehension, but rather saving heartbreak from families.

The dreadful smell of smoke and burning oil filled her nostrils, making her become suddenly alert. She studied along the surface of water, noticing a large ship beginning to capsize – smoke puffing from the wreck. “Dad” she walked over to the port side of Pegasus, trying to catch a closer glance. Joseph looked over to his daughter, staring past her shoulder at the mess of ships and smoke on the water. He remained focused on the sight, turning the boat around and accelerating her to the fastest she could go with a great roar from the engine.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles series #dunkirk alex #alex! harry #harry styles imagines #please give feedback!#harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff

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subsequentibis · 3 years

Text

this is a DELIGHT to read, thank you so much for submitting it!! publishing for the aforementioned class, everyone pls take notes. p.s. i do have a wheelbarrow in my garage so if you ever need to transport sixteen stone of injured sea captain hit me up

-ibis

hello, i’m fairly sure you know exactly which silly person is writing this at this point. yes, it’s me again. i really truly hope that this works and doesn’t do a weird thing, i’m a tiny bit alarmed about doing this. i am a tiny nervous horse when it comes to internet stuff and i’ve attempted to proofread this maybe three times in order to put off actually sending this to you. i guess i’m just going to have to get this over with, so here are my debatably comprehendable ideas, mostly exactly as they were written in yesterday’s four-hour spiral of madness.

breaking news: local goof observes a tumblr post and proceeds to attempt to hack reality in order to see if they could in theory achieve this. am i ready to haul nearly six feet of incapacitated and extremely thick local captain to the nearest medical facility? part of me says no, part of me says hell yeah. let’s go find out.

okay, what do i get and what skills do i have. (time to invent some rules for this strange game and figure out just what i’d do. focusing on stephen and jack because they were the two characters you mentioned, this could probably apply to other characters but i’m going to only reckon with these as this project is strange enough as it currently stands. i’m expecting this to quickly go off the rails.) (note as i edit this over: this is extremely chaotic and you should be warned. i thought way too much about this and it shows, and it kind of terrifies me, not only because of the baffling sentence structures (or lack thereof). rereading this after having properly eaten and communicated with human beings for the day has shown me that i sound like an alien for much of this. terribly sorry to sound like an alien, swear i’m human and just kind of a bit strange inside.)

so: i can have anything currently on the property where i currently reside (garage and driveway included) and all my real skills.

i cannot drive because:

i do not have the physical ability to drive

i do not have the legal ability to drive

i can’t get help from any other person: this is an imaginary situation where exists in this house just me and a fictional lad who needs to be got to a local medical facility. (this is a very weird imaginary situation but honestly the peak of my own interests colliding.)

so what do i have here anyway (all of this is written assuming i personally am the one having to do this and am moving one of them from my place of residence to the nearest medical facility):

arms: not very strong (could potentially lift stephen since i can lift some of my friends and he’s both shorter and thinner, definitely cannot move jack an inch)

legs: i assume walking is not an option for reasons of either necessary speed of delivery or actually he cannot walk. oh yeah and also reasons of narrative whatever. continuing.

cars: cannot and will not drive, he is from the 1800s and cannot drive either, or in the case of stephen even if he could drive should not be trusted behind the wheel even in the peak of health. anyway given this vague situation we none of us should be driving.

bikes (various): i’m a fairly good biker, i’ve got pretty good stamina and can haul rather well on my own bike. with a little work (as seen in yon post) might be able to even sort of rig something up to perch stephen on my handlebars. this will not function with jack. *with a great deal of effort i drag him onto the front of the bike, wait a beat, then watch in horror as the bike tips back wheel up and dumps him back on the floor with an unpleasant thud* so that’s not going to work.

wheelbarrow: very cool and possibly functional plan. unfortunately we do not have a wheelbarrow. alas.

wagon: pros and cons. pro: we can haul the boy in this. con: we have to haul the boy. the boy can fit in this in a balanced manner, but let me restate: my arms are not very strong and jack is near six feet of unhelpful heavy meat. as usual this is more of a viable option for stephen. but god jack is just a big dense boy and i’m just a wobbly little person with noodles for arms.

alright. local noodle-armed goof is trying some new approaches regarding wagon/bikes: using my dad’s old bike with the board on the back and sort of tying him on there somehow so he faces backwards and sort of leans on me. he could even put his feet in the little saddlebag things for balance! although again i’d be worried about the sheer weight and size if i’m basically just dragging this man like a deceased sack of meat all the way to the hospital. so that depends. one more for the list of could potentially work with stephen. (although if he was anything less than utterly out i would have zero luck getting either of them to take part in any of these increasingly ridiculous plans.) (actually, depending on the situation it might work out if he was in a certain mood? anyhow, did not come here for these considerations. only for increasingly less reasonable methods of transportation.)

okay forging boldly onward. if i don’t want to try to do a huge hill with the wagon and my little noodle arms and hundreds-odd pounds of floppy boat lad i could try to rig up something where i tie the wagon to the back of a bike, but that wouldn’t end well because on downhills it would slide forward unless i distributed the weight somehow to make the front of the bike heavier than the wagon… which is not gonna happen because that would either be impossible with the supplies i have or render the bike entirely nonfunctional. leaving the wagon to clunk back and forth is also an issue given that i am trying to get this man medical attention asap and not actively make the situation worse. i’ve done this wagon and bike thing before when both people involved were starting out fine and even that didn’t end well. (in case you were wondering, we careened down the street crashing into one another and came to a stop by hitting a parked car. we are all fine now and so is the car and we do not do things like this anymore. it was a terrible idea that i regret every day.) no go.

vacuum cleaner: bad idea. no. did i think of these as an option just because i have one and it has wheels? i did, didn’t i. do not attempt.

razor scooter: no. why. how. please stop this.

boards: possibly a viable option. we got skateboards, we got surfboards, we got actual just plain old wooden boards. (none of the ones in my home actually belong to me, but ignore that bit. trying to save a life here.) probably the best route would be to stick some skateboards under something big enough to bear up an entire human person, slap a few pillows or something over top, and get shoving. don’t ask about what happens when we get to the big hills. (yeah i live in an area made entirely of hills and it’s a long steep way down and a long steep way up to get anywhere of interest, and if you’re on wheels then sucks to be you i guess.) in retrospect perhaps not as good of an idea.

so i guess four hours later i’ve come to the precise conclusion that you did.

put stephen on a bike. put jack in a wagon. maybe learn to drive? jury’s still out on that one. anyway that was a fun four hours that i won’t regret spending this way at all no sirree.

alright! hope this wasn’t too strange or unreadable! have a nice day, you’re wonderful!

#submission #aubreyad blogging #added a courtesy readmore but i highly recommend clicking thru #i giggled all the way through this it's delightful #i am also a noodly armed individual with no physical or legal ability to drive. solidarity #good point about them refusing to engage in the shenanigans also!! i doubt i could force either of them to acquiesce with my nonsense #they'd have to be Out Cold or Really Desperate #although. modern problems require modern solutions. play a youtube video of their interests on yr phone and hand it to them. solved.

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youllallriseintheink · 4 years

Text

Like it Never Happened: Chapter 3.

This is a post ink-hell story, and contrary to its title, a major theme in it is that a return to normalcy is an uphill climb, often requiring one redefine what normalcy means to them.

This chapter focuses on Thomas Connor and Allison Pendle. It deals with some of the mechanics of how the trapped souls are making it out. There may be a fourth or possibly fifth chapter, but I’m not sure.

Jennifer Adams, one of the soldiers tasked with the rescue of the dozens of people whose souls were locked within the sketch dimension, had fucked up big time. To be more specific, she’d shot Allison Angel.

Not that shooting ink creatures in general was a big deal- you couldn’t collect an ink creature’s soul without killing them- but in Allison’s case, she and her partner, Peter Felman, should have been making a good rapport with her. While they were free to capture the souls in any order they found them, their first priority was to locate and bring back the soul of Thomas Connor, a mechanic who had been indispensable in designing and building the machine, and would no doubt be a valuable source of information on it. In Jennifer’s defense, another Alice had broken her last partner’s arm and put him out of commission just days before, not to mention all the trouble she’d caused back when they were solely tasked with finding the souls of lost ones, as the government research branch only recently discovered how to bring back those who were transformed into cartoons.

Right after she’d shot her, Peter had instinctively taken out the seeing tool in order to see her soul, and had snatched it up and put it into a small glass jar. Then, realizing whose soul they’d just snatched, he opened the jar and let it flow back to the ink machine, as all souls did down here.

All Jennifer could hope for now is that they could get the angel to speak using torture. She and Peter had been waiting by the ink machine for a few hours, playing cards, when it finally gurgled to life.

The two soldiers got up from their card game, Peter taking a rope with him. Allison came out slowly- it was almost like seeing a person be 3D-printed. Peter was incredible with knots, and her calves (already kicking!) were tied together within seconds of their appearance from the machine’s nozzle. Half a minute later, she fell to the ground, and Peter was tying up her arms as Jennifer held her down.

“Let me go! Why are you doing this?” she yelled, still struggling against the ropes, teeth gritted.

“Sorry about this, but we need to make sure you won’t run away or attack us. We aren’t here to hurt you. We are soldiers working for the US military, and we are the reason why there are no lost ones in this world anymore. We released them all. They are currently living outside this dimension, in a better, safer world. We understand that you’re very close with a Boris named ‘Tom.’ Is that true?”

“Why should I trust you or tell you anything?” Her tone was more curious than anything. At very least, she’d calmed down surprisingly quickly.

“I’d like for you to do that because we’re offering you a way out. But if you want to do things the hard way, we can.” Jennifer took out her handgun and pointed it to Allison kneecap.

“Wait-” Allison interjected, “What is that?”

“A gun.”

“No... I mean its colour. It’s like black, but lighter, and... and cooler somehow. I think Henry told me about this once. Is it blue?”

Jennifer kept the gun trained at her knee. “Yes. Now are you talking or are we going to have to make you talk?”

“I’ll talk. I don’t know how I didn’t see this before! You’re so detailed... and your hair almost matches my skin- just like Henry. You must be from the outside. Whatever you need to know, I’ll tell you!”

“Where is Tom?”

“He’s probably in our safehouse. It’ll be easier if I show you.”

Jennifer looked over to her partner, and they silently agreed to untie her legs. They followed behind her, guns still drawn, her sword still confiscated, her hands still bound.

“Do you mind if I ask a few more questions as we walk?” Allison asked.

“I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to answer them, but go ahead,” Jennifer replied.

“Well, I know that you’re letting everyone go, but aside from Tom, there’s one case that I was hoping you could focus on. You see, one of the people turned into a cartoon character is... well, a 17-year-old kid. Tom and I found the book he wrote. We tried finding him a couple times, but came up empty. I hate to think about him, all alone in this dangerous place. If I give you the book, can you promise me to try and find him quickly, and to let me know when he’s revived and reunited with his mother?”

“Well, not all of that is my directive, but I can promise you that I’ll try to find him, and that I’ll ask the appropriate people about the rest of that stuff.”

Allison’s whole face lit up. “Thank you! Oh, thank you. And for releasing us, too. I would be hugging you if I weren’t walking you through dangerous territory with my hands tied up!”

Jennifer smiled. She’d had a lot of encounters with ink creatures, but she’d never been thanked before. She’d never even been able to explain their aims before.

“Next question: am I poor? Buddy made being poor sound pretty bad. But, I don’t remember anything about the life I had before this. I... did have one, right? It seems like all toons did... right?”

“Well, almost all- and trust me, you’re not an exception. Memory loss is extremely common among ink creatures- they have ways of getting everything back. You’re Allison Connor, the wife of Thomas Connor. I don’t know anything else about you- I was just told enough to get through this mission. But I imagine that his work puts you above the poverty line, anyhow.”

Allison had apparently forgotten all about matters of poverty and spent the rest of their short trip gushing about being married to Thomas.

Once they reached the safehouse, Allison kept Tom from tearing their throats out and told him the good news. The room was quickly filled with feelings of celebration and camaraderie. They handed Jennifer a book entitled, “Dreams Come to Life.” Then, when their inky backs were turned, Jennifer and Peter filled Tom and Allison with bullets and collected their souls. It had been nice to be honest for once, but they couldn’t have been too honest about the process of coming back to life. Afterwards they immediately headed back to the surface to hand Thomas Connor’s soul over to the researchers, as had been their protocol.

---

A day later, Thomas Connor fell out of the ink machine, landing on his feet. The blue mat he’d fallen onto told him what had happened before he could even look at his detailed, brown, ungloved hands. Thomas collapsed to the floor, overwhelmed with relief.

Over the next few hours, Thomas filled the researchers in on everything he knew about the machine. They told him plenty as well- for starters, that Allison would come out of the machine the next day and would be entirely restored and ready to go home, and that they would immediately see about contacting Buddy’s mother. They found him a place to sleep for the night, handed him a pamphlet on his new body, and he was on his way.

Everything was fine now. Thomas had spent over a decade stewing in guilt over what damage his machine could have possibly caused, and he’d spent a year and a half seeing it first hand- the lives cut short and locked in this hellish landscape. That was over now. The damage was going to be repaired the best it could be. Who knew- maybe the government would even find a beneficial use for the ink machine: bringing back endangered species, making prosthetic limbs... there were obvious bad uses for it, too, but hey, none of it would be his fault. The ink machine was no longer on his shoulders, and soon, he and Allison would be back in their lovely California home, going back to their mundane, contented lives.

Then, the phone rang. Thomas picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Thomas Connor?” The voice sounded sympathetic. Bad sign.

“Yes.”

There was a heavy sigh. “I’m afraid I have two pieces of bad news. Firstly, Buddy’s mother died several years ago. He has no living family members.”

“Okay,” Thomas said, voice low. Well, he knew that not all the damage he’d done could be undone. The kid had lost the time he could have had with his mother. Fair. “What’s the second part?”

“We won’t be able to bring back Allison’s memories. Usually disentangling the individual from their other presence- in this case an Alice Angel toon- brings everything right back. Well, we did, but she still doesn’t remember anything from before her sacrifice. Her memories weren’t stored away where she couldn’t find them- they’re gone like erased marker off a whiteboard. I’m sorry. We have social workers who could hook her up with a living relative, if you want. Do you still want to take her home with you?”

“Of course I do!” Thomas yelled, furious both at the situation and at the question. “She’s my wife! She was my wife in the sketch dimension, and she’ll still be my wife now!” With that, Thomas slammed the phone down. Of course Joey would have taken this from him. He was sure that it was nothing personal- he had a sense that Allison had known things even he didn’t about that machine. Still, it hurt.

But, all they could do was try to carry on. The next day, Thomas watched Allison emerge from the ink machine. He was the first thing she saw in the real world.

“Hey, Allison. This is Tom.”

Allison stared at him a moment. “You aren’t Tom. I would remember my own husband- I don’t know who you are.”

Thomas nodded. “Yeah. You aren’t getting your memories back. I’ll explain why later. But anyhow, let’s go home.

It had been too long since he’d seen her true form. And Allison seemed to like it, too. The two of them flew back to California soon after. Thankfully, Allison did at least seem to remember most things about how the world worked- perhaps due to Alice, who’d had her memories of living in her cartoon world to draw on. What’s more, their house was still waiting for them- apparently Allison’s relatives hadn’t or had only recently given up the hunt for them. Eighteen months of dust covered all the surfaces, and the plants in the garden had all either overgrown or died, but Thomas was still grateful that they had been gone more briefly than most and could pick up their lives more easily. There was so much to do- relatives to call and say, “hey, I’m alive!” to topped the list. But that could wait until tomorrow. Today, it was late. As the two settled into bed, Allison said,

“Hey. I know this is going to take a lot of patience from you. But I’m going to try to be just like Allison was, alright? Tell me about her tomorrow. She has a nice body, and good taste in homes and husbands. That’s a good start.”

Thomas laughed a little. “Sure. Glad you like what she has, since you can’t exactly trade. I’ll do my best, too, with the readjusting. That’s a promise.”

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #my fanfiction #Like it Never Happened #Thomas Connor #allison pendle #Allison Angel

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seyaryminamoto · 5 years

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Post canon, do you think Azula would regret her actions during the war? As Azula is someone who’s very single-minded when it comes to success, I don’t see her regretting anything. War is war for her. But how can she change? I don’t think she would regret her actions just because people didn’t accept her actions or think what she did was bad. She would need a logical explanation. What do you think?

Uh… that really depends on how a writer chooses to carry her character forward. While Azula didn’t commit any of her worst war crimes in my story, she started out being every bit as remorseless about the Fire Nation’s actions as you’d expect from canon Azula. It has been, of course, an insanely long process, but she has grown to understand the harm her nation did, enough that she even works to fix what little stuff she can nowadays.

As usual, this got long, soooo…

TL;DR: show her the flaws in the Fire Nation’s system, make her bond with new people (preferrably either Team Avatar or other people from other nations), and after a FAIRLY long time she’ll come to understand where the Fire Nation went wrong and regret some of her actions, to some extent.

Now, if you want a full breakdown of what I mean by all of that, feel free to keep reading:

First things first… I’d think Azula needs to see how the war damaged her own nation. The Painted Lady featured the floating town of Jang Hui in the most polluted river the entire franchise had given us so far. ATLA did deal with subjects relating to environmental damage before, but never quite to that extreme: common people were living in the worst conditions because a weapons factory that was operative since Azulon’s time had been dumping their waste in that river for over a decade, if I recall correctly.

Neither Zuko nor Azula ever saw this, only the Gaang did: how would they react if they did, though? How would they feel upon finding their people are facing such dire consequences for the warmongering of their forefathers? You may be inclined to think Azula might not care, these are means to an end, but I’d like to think an Azula who has been developed to some extent would think otherwise (I can outright tell ya’, I’m bringing this up because I literally wrote Azula confronting this specific reality in Gladiator’s 82nd chapter :’DDD).

This without going into the subject of the death toll: how many of their soldiers were sacrificed and how much people have had to die at a war that has lasted 100 years. Efficient, effective Azula would most likely be disturbed to realize how many resources have gone to waste, how much work has been invested into operations that went nowhere because, let’s be real, if the Fire Nation had been effective all the damn time, this war wouldn’t have dragged out as long as it did. Add to this that Azula is outright the most competent Fire Nation antagonist we ever saw on the show, and it’s obvious the Fire Nation armies would leave a lot to be desired for someone who’d expect nothing but the best from her own people.

Point and case being: show Azula the flaws in the Fire Nation systems, and she’ll start opening her eyes to the reality of the Fire Nation’s internal mess. If they’re striving for greatness, wouldn’t they be above such flaws? Shouldn’t they be better than this?

Now, how would she regret her own actions? That’s a taller order to fulfill yet. But, as tall as it may be, it’s not impossible.

For starters, one of the things I dislike deeply about the comics is that Azula doesn’t feel like herself to me because she’s dead-set on the throne as her endgame even though anyone can tell it’s never going to be hers. Why do I dislike it? Because this is the same girl who, upon being thwarted constantly by Team Avatar in Book 2, kept changing her strategies and even changing the battles she was fighting so she could obtain a “big win” and make her father happy. Can’t catch Iroh and Zuko with a Royal Barge and a full firebending procession? Switch to a smaller team with a train-tank. Can’t find Iroh and Zuko yet, but found the Avatar? Try to capture the Avatar. Failed to capture the Avatar? Off to capture Ba Sing Se instead. Failure to capture the city? Again, switching to tracking down the flying bison to find the Avatar: found the Kyoshi Warriors, found a method to infiltrate the city, captured Zuko and eventually Iroh, “killed” the Avatar, conquered the city: AZULA WINS!

But why did she win? Because she changed tactics. Because she was NEVER static, never hung up on a single goal. She needed to be victorious, and she was in the end, but not for a long time: she literally doesn’t win a single violent confrontation until she fights the Kyoshi Warriors. As epic as she may be, I ALWAYS bring this up because it’s part of her character as well as everything else. In the comics, though? She may change tactics on occasion, but the endgame of her plans never really changes: she wants the throne at all costs, like that’s the only thing in the world that she could ever want. And I find that difficult to understand in a character like her because she lost EVERYTHING in Sozin’s Comet, the last we saw of her she was crying desperately after knowing she had been defeated. This, paired with the mirror scene, showed that Azula was shattering inside. A character who went through trauma of that magnitude can react in countless ways… but the way that I would have thought suited her best would be having a severe belief crisis instead: why did her brother succeed when he had always been the failure while she was the perfect child? Why does he have friends who will fight beside him while hers abandoned her? Why, when everything came to a head, she was completely and utterly ALONE?

The interpretation of the comics is that she decided those questions all could be answered with “Hallucination-Ursa brainwashed them all!” and “I must take the throne and my entire life will be fixed again!”, something that still makes me shake my head to this day. When having the opportunity to explore complex subjects through Azula’s character, they picked the most simplistic route possible to deal with it and obsessed her with a throne she only showed outright interest in during… what, four episodes of the original show? :’D

Sooooooo, as far as comics are concerned, I honestly don’t think they’re taking a route to make Azula regret what she’s done. Other people have a different take on the subject, they’re free to disagree, but unless the new writer treats Azula more seriously than Yang did, it’s hard to imagine they’ll actually touch onto the more complex aspects of the character.

Therefore if we went through the route I expected her to take, meaning, Azula trying to figure out why she failed without dumping all the blame on a single hallucination, I can imagine her touching the surface of the fact that something about her methods, something about her actions, couldn’t have been right. The Ursa hallucination already suggests that Azula knows, on some level, where she went wrong: she feels forced to justify why she handled everyone through fear, claiming “fear is the only reliable way”. It’s not so reliable anymore, though, is it? All the people she thought she’d intimidated and frightened are thriving now, while she’s in an asylum, of all things. Something in her methods was wrong, plain and simple. A perfectionist like her wouldn’t like accepting this, but she’d have no choice other than doing it: otherwise she’d NEVER have ended up in the situation she’s in.

Just like with the previous item, begin to touch upon the failures, the flaws, the problems… and slowly, Azula’s concepts of the world would unravel, and she’d be forced to make sense of it all again, only, now she knows and understands it better than she did before.

Of course, changing her understanding of the world would be far more successful with the right help than by having her work out everything on her own. And by the right help I mean… Azula can’t be helped the same way Zuko was. It’s that simple. You can’t have her open up to Iroh, or learn better through him, because she thinks he’s a failure as well and she has as little respect as possble for him. Likewise, she’d most likely be too proud to learn any better from Zuko, who, let’s be real, has a long way to go still in terms of growing and ESPECIALLY developing enough patience to deal with Azula. While everyone wants him to do it, and hell, I agree that him helping her would be the right way to bring his character full circle, the way Ehasz described it, but I can also see it being a REALLY messed up journey, with more hardships than I think Zuko can endure as he is by the end of ATLA. He’d need a much stronger hold on his emotions than he ever displayed, and we know Azula is one very sore spot for him. Therefore, while it would be thematically great? It would take longer than a Gladiator-length story to do this properly, with both Azula and Zuko being IC enough as compared to where they left off at the end of ATLA.

On top of it all… my most honest take? I don’t really want anyone from Azula’s old social circles, be it friends or family, being part of the start of her healing process. Why’s that? For one thing, what I said above about Zuko and Iroh. For another, her relationship with her mother is radioactive trash even without factoring in The Search. Lastly, bouncing back from a betrayal like Mai and Ty Lee’s would take her AGES, and I don’t think she’d realistically ever fully trust them again after that, especially seeing how neither of them seem to want to be friends with her again anyhow in the show, not even touching upon how much they seem to hate her in the comics. Therefore? I’d like it better if Azula either started to have her own adventures with Team Avatar or found new friends of her own, as she did in Smoke and Shadow.

… Only, and this is why I’d favor Team Avatar, Azula needs influences who AREN’T Fire Nation. All her life that’s all she’s known. If you give her common ground with any of the other five members of the Gaang, you could actually create an interesting dynamic that involves Azula exchanging experiences (rather than trampling over) with someone with a completely different culture than her own.

For example, she can bond with Aang over being bending prodigies, something she doesn’t have in common with anyone from her old circles. She can bond with Katara over having older brothers who drive them crazy. She can bond with Toph over the same thing as with Aang + they’re bound to share some degree of their sense of humor and they’d likely have a competitive streak about who’s the better bender in their respective element, not to mention they’re both highborn who most likely can relate to each other’s family problems. She could bond with Suki over leadership, over warrior training since youth (of course, because of their bad blood I find this one the more difficult angle but it’s far from impossible). And if you really want me to get started with how much stuff she could bond over with Sokka I’ll be writing this ask until tomorrow, so have this link instead.

All this I bring up also under the logic that Team Avatar has forgiven people who wronged them before :’) no, it hasn’t been easy, and no, I wouldn’t expect her to become instant friends with anyone, but it’s hard for me to fathom that all of them would be 100% against being anywhere near Azula forever and ever. Set up grounds for them to have to work together for one purpose or another and you’ll get somewhere with developing Azula’s friendship with any/some of them before you know it.

The core point of having Azula bond and talk with them, though, is for her to undergo the same epiphany she does in Gladiator: shameless self-promoting time!

“What we used to have was separation, definitions, boxes with labels where you could throw each person depending on what they were. And you and me? We don’t share any of those boxes, do we? We’re opposites in practically every regard. Yet why is it that nobody else who shares my boxes has resounded with me in the way you do?”

“We’ve had our clashes, it’s true” he whispered “We really didn’t start off well. But… I guess that comes with balance too, doesn’t it? We were too different to understand each other right away, but in time…”

“We found a rhythm. A way to coexist without destroying each other” said Azula, smiling “Despite it all… fire and water might not need to snuff the other out of existence”

It only took me 107 chapters to get her to this point :’) realistically speaking, I have a hard time seeing a full-blown development of Azula taking a short time, especially if it means tackling even more problems than I needed to in Gladiator, seeing as it’s an AU where she didn’t really get to join the war.

Point being, once Azula finds common ground and solid friendships well outside the Fire Nation (be it Team Avatar or even other people from different nations), she’ll start to feel empathy for them, even if she doesn’t intend to at first. Their lives will matter to her, their struggles… she will find herself realizing what kind of hardships her new friends have undergone because of what the Fire Nation did. And as much as that means she’ll start caring only about one person at a time, that can be expanded into her opening her eyes fully to the horrors of the war she never cared about before.

I honestly doubt she’ll come to fully regret her successes, such as taking over Ba Sing Se or stopping the Invasion force. But she can regret having stood on the side of the conflict where she did, despite she really had nowhere else to stand during ATLA’s time. I’d think, if given proper time to grow, learn better and understand people who are, in essence, different from her despite sharing so much in common with her, Azula would eventually close the door on her past and begin to work towards a future where she won’t have to fear she’ll lose everything again, a future where she’ll have stronger bonds, where she won’t end up alone and abandoned by everyone she ever cared about.

#anon #azula analysis #man I thought my analysis days were over #can't lie this can be fun to do still #however long it gets

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