#anyone who understands where this meme comes from deserves a kiss

[inmymagnetoera]

Two Bros chillin with a chessboard five feet apart cause they're not gay-

[annieqattheperipheral]

ok i got thoughts on leafs contract negotiations and they may be unpopular... or you're just not interested, which is actually v smart bc it only ever makes ur blood boil to get riled up over something u have 0% control over. Just not a smart way to live life

AM34 does not deserve to be the highest paid player in the league. puhleeeeez *rolling my eyes in natemac* this is a salary cap league and he barely comes in clutch in the playoffs. Like what nonsense world are we operating in rn dude

Bunts isn't going to get re-signed by Leafs and i think that's a good thing for him. He got more eyes on him here in Toronto after arizona and now needs to go build his own rep outside of here cuz rn he gots leafs stank on him practically a stigma. His style of play and willingness to defend his teammates is seen as a negative by the league when that's a prized trait on any other team. So yea time for him to fly the coop he needs to go off into the land and show the refs and league what a dedicated and devoted team player he is and stop fuckin picking on him (that playoffs 3-game suspension would've been 1-2 anywhere else; that was penalization for being a leaf. george parros career ended vs the leafs so we get pigeon-shit on at every turn)

Willy deserves to think he should be in the range of the salaries of am, mm, jt. Only gd fella who shows up for the playoffs and continuously improves and just had his best season and scored on par w AM. If he doesn't get it here its leafs own fault for having set their stars' salaries that high compared to other teams when u know you're operating under a salary cap (yes yes i know it's harder to attract & keep stars on Canadian teams). I want the best for willy and if he doesn't get it here then yes go get ur bag elsewhere styles. This unbothered king will not be affected and will give it his all wherever he is. But he is thru n thru Toronto style and loves it here and i hope we get to keep him bc i love him and want to keep him in my tiny Toronto condo

Mitchy is our best player. Anyone in any of the comments of any post/tweet/article on leafs contracts who says mm should be traded for the cap relief-- why would we trade the singular player who makes everyone else on the ice better omfg with u idiots i cannot anymore pls gtfo

JT is only now returning to form after that scary injury. 21-22 season was a wash for him returning from that and no one should've been saying shit about him. 22-23 he showed his worth. Truly beautiful stuff. Yes he's overpaid but yea we're stuck w that. Idk. Also he needs to step up on the team culture side of things and get his ducklings in a row; he may be too much of a disciplined parent to be in the loop w the core. Maybe this season connecting w knies in his basement will get him back down w his ppl [insert "how goes it fellow teens" skateboard meme]

There's a 50/50 chance of keeping ROR and my goodness that would be an enthralling coup. His entire short leafie stint he maintained an outsiders perspective and w his keen experienced eye observed shit. The leafies have a history of learning from and bonding deeply w these short-term elders dubas would bring in for playoffs... It would be incredibly useful for the core to become one w ROR and truly embrace his drive on the ice. (also ror u haven't kissed jt firmly on the lips yet after winning the cup together so like idk where u think ur going)

Schenn... All i can say is ty ty ty for coming in embracing this place like the home its always been for u and instilling such a sense of family and comraderie. Like wtf do u mean these dumdum idiots never before did team dinners during playoff away games until u came along????!??!???? They never heard of getting on the same page???? That kinda stuff translates right to the ice. Like i don't even play team sports anymore and i could tell u that. Pls stay. Pls let treliving & shanny understand how valuable u are to team culture. And you're the other half of Mo🥺🫶😭

I love Mo and he should never be let go ever and i fear the day will come when we are all old and graying when they will set him free on an ice drift a la Avs EJ and i will cry enough to shut the city down from flooding and the subway will go out of order.

Ok phew glad to empty my brain of these idiots for a bit while we wait for news instead of speculation. ty for reading if u did💙 GLG😭

[skyhawkstragedy]

Time to revisit my pre-season rankings bc I’m bored

(Replacing Marvin with Joseph)

01 | Taylor: I think my biggest fear with her was that she was going to be another Azah - talk a big game but while they’re an amazing person they’re not so much the best game player. However, she is the perfect example of Big Brother being about adaptability. For someone to start off the game as a social pariah and then work just enough to survive the next week all while keeping their integrity is an amazing feat. She probably has the most unique run when it comes to her social game; most winners would slip in to being manipulative and cutthroat, but Taylor stayed a lawful good till the bitter end.

02 | Joseph: Look at him being where Marvin was preseason 🤩 I put him in the bases tier but I wasn’t sure what to think of him other than he’s the guy I simp for throughout the season (kinda like a Brett or Travis type). Pooseph opened the door for him meme-wise and then he turned 25 and came out guns a-blazing. This is a MAN. I will fight every last person on here for him. This is a warning.

03 | Michael: Well he is right about where I put him pre-season 😂 He treaded between being boring and being a huge source of entertainment and watching him break records and win everything they gave him was astounding. Giving Maddie Ziegler vibes tbh.

04 | Turner: I did not expect to like this guy so much. So much more worthy of continuing the strength of the maknae line than Paloma. With him I saw… snafus. But I also saw someone who unapologetically acted his own age and took pride in being the youngest in the room. Thanks for proving me wrong and not being boring.

05 | Jasmine: I thought she was gonna be another Jessica and she ended up being another Raven 🙃 I don’t even know why she’s this high, I still think she’s extremely annoying, but I appreciate someone who’s dedicated to creating content. Thanks for the memes I guess.

06 | Brittany: And a crackhead she was indeed. I’m not entirely sure what makes her deserve this spot. She’s been up and down and she never had a game for me to fall back on when it came to her redemption, but her post-eviction actions push her past some others.

07 | Kyle: …huh.

I put him in his own tier bc I wasn’t sure where to put him. He didn’t annoy me immediately like Alyssa & Pooch but not without lack of trying! I think he has the weirdest run out of all the HGs. I grew to really like him and then he kissed Alyssa and Icarus flew way too close to the sun. Then he showed his ass and offended just about anyone who wasn’t white and it was over for him. If anything I do appreciate the discourse his stint in the game brought with him (both in regards to the Cookout and him being harassed/coerced by Alyssa).. I’m just wary of what’s going to happen to him post-season bc this is something that is going to linger with him forever. But if people can like Paul… there is hope.

08 | Ameerah: What a waste of potential. I’m still so angry. You were the chosen one, etc etc. I will say that my toxic trait is thinking she’s hot despite her being a flaming bitch. When it comes to the prejury though she is the lesser of five evils so that’s why she places as high as she does.

09 | Alyssa: Another surprise for me. From hating her for a good 7-8 weeks to being slightly tolerable towards the end. Taylor’s power. I think her best moments would be whenever she was with Taylor; they have unusually good chemistry (more than she does with Kyle if I’m being honest) and I think if she weren’t consumed with jealousy, they would have been unstoppable. Team First Kill indeed.

10 | Monte: I think similar to Alyssa he had 1-2 good weeks and then just devolved into an absolute Neanderthal towards the end. I had him as my winner’s pick and man did I end up dreading it. Thankfully the jury saw through him and gave the win to Taylor but I think I understand why he was my winner pick in the first place. During late pre-jury he seemed like a Jack of all trades. He had a decent social game, made the most of his first HOH, and proved to be an asset to the Leftovers. It’s just so sad that he chose incel behavior. Xavier was right; I would slap him on the back of the head and tell him to get himself together. Another batch of wasted potential.

11 | Indy: Another HG who had a few days of reprieved but was ultimately consumed by the plague of hate surrounding the house. I did appreciate that she let Kyle have it during his jury segment. That’s the Indy I wanted.

12 | Pooch: I didn’t expect him to move up from last place but it takes a special player to fuck up so bad that they become both relevant and irrelevant at the same time. I will say that his casting pic did NOT do him justice - his age was more believable on the feeds than in that picture.

13 | Paloma: The biggest disappointment here. People are going to take solace in the fact that she seemed like a Karen and that might have been her white side coming out but all in all her stint on the show was just tragic. If there’s one thing I am certain of though it’s that she should stay as far away from Daniel as possible. That guy is UNHINGED.

14 | Nicole: Thank god we had Joseph as AAPI/Middle Eastern representation otherwise I was gonna be convinced that casting was going to model minority the fuck out of Asians for the next few years. She’s just so aggressive and for what? She quit being a cop to be a chef and yet she still acts like she’s wearing that uniform and badge. It’s disturbing to say the least.

15 | Terrance: Gross. His obsession with vilifying Taylor and being insufferable with his comments about women just turned me off from him. Had one or two good moments but that’s not really enough is it?

16 | Daniel: Ugh. An absolute tool with anger issues and a serious obsession issue on top of that. Whoever casted him needs to be blacklisted from the industry.

[storiesforallfandoms]

juxtaposition ~ eminem

word count: 1209

request?: yes!

@girl-toxxic​ “I don't know if you've seen the cat meme from "she did ballet and he was a punk" so I came up with this for an Imagine, Em and Reader go out to spend the day and there are a lot of hugs, kisses and fluff and they They are having such a good time that they do not realize that there are paparazzi and they take a lot of cute photos and one of them that goes viral on the internet is where Em is serious and hugs Reader, while she is all sweet giving kisses on his cheek. AND ADD SOMETHING MORE, LOVE THIS IMAGINE.”

“hiiii, I love your contents!! can I request a eminem x reader? reader is a softie. that's all you can do the rest. tysm!!”

description: after being caught out together, their fans start to realize that they are exact opposites and decide to make memes about it

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

They say opposites attract, but I never thought it was an actual thing. I always thought it was just a trope used in books and movies for a cute plotline. And then I started dating Marshall, who was the polar opposite to me. Publicly anyways.

Marshall’s public persona for years was that of a serious, cold rapper who liked to drop more explicates in one sentence than he probably should’ve. In private he was much sweeter than anyone would ever believe, but no one ever really saw that side of him besides the people closest to him (so mainly me). Then there was me, who was constantly a happy and positive person - in private and in public. It was like a whiplash in personalities whenever someone met the two of us together.

Going out in public was always somewhat amusing. The looks we would get when I was being all touchy feely and Marshall was his stone cold self was priceless.

On a day the two of us were out running errands, my usual desire for affection hit me suddenly. I took Marshall’s hand in mine and placed my head on his shoulder. We stumbled a little as we walked in our awkward position, which made me giggle.

“You’re gonna cause us to fall over,” Marshall teased.

“That’d be a sight,” I said with a giggle. “I’m just feelin’ all warm and fuzzy right now.”

“Don’t you always?”

I looked up at him and stuck my tongue out. His cold façade broke for just a moment as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

We stopped at a crosswalk to wait for the light to tell us we could walk. Marshall wrapped his arms around me, which surprised me because it was an unprompted public display of affection and he usually wasn’t big on that. I wasn’t about to fight it, however, and leaned into his embrace. Just before the walk signal flashed, I quickly kissed his cheek then pulled away from him to cross the street together.

It was a moment that I didn’t think too much about. Forgetting how extremely famous he is, I just thought of it as a quick moment of affection with my boyfriend while we were out running errands. Looking back, I should’ve been more aware of any potential paparazzi around us, but it was honestly the last thing on my mind.

It was Marshall’s daughter, Hailie, who made me aware that our picture had been taken. She had sent me a text with a picture attached, the message reading, “you and dad have become a meme! 😂”

It was the picture of the two of us at the crosswalk, Marshall with his arms around me and me leaning up to kiss his cheek. Of course whoever had been there had managed to catch the one moment of the most PDA that Marshall and I had ever shown. I really should not have been as surprised as I was.

Above the picture was a tweet from a fan account that read, “Em and (Y/N) really are the real life versions of that one line in Sk8er Boi”. The picture had a white bar above it with black text that included the aforementioned like from the famous Avril Lavigne song: “He was a punk, she did ballet, what more can I say?”

I couldn’t help but giggle to myself as I looked closer at the picture. Whoever had taken it had managed to perfectly capture Marshall’s serious looking face, while also getting in the slight smile I had on my face while I kissed his cheek. It was the perfect picture to show how polar opposites we were, while also just being funny to see Marshall looking so serious while being so sweet.

Marshall was sitting on the other side of the couch watching football as I received the message from Hailie, and my giggle caused him to look over at me and raise an eyebrow.

“What are you laughing at?” he asked.

I moved closer and held my phone up so he could see the image. I saw his eyes looking over the screen before he looked at me and said, “I don’t get it.”

I laughed. “It’s just a joke. It’s pointing out how different the two of us are in the image. So like you’re all serious and I’m all soft. I think it’s funny.”

I rested against him as I went on scrolling on my phone. Marshall didn’t say anything else about the image, but I could feel hid body tensing against mine. I knew he was thinking about something, and I was almost positive I knew exactly what that something was.

After nearly an hour of the silence, besides the sounds of the game coming from the screen, I tilted my head back to look up at Marshall. His eyes were staring straight forward at the TV, not making any acknowledgements that I was there at all.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked.

He shrugged in response. I sat up so I could actually look at him. “Marshall? Come on, what’s up?”

He shrugged again, but this time he added, “Nothing.”

“You forget that I know when you’re thinking about something. Is it about the meme I showed you? It’s just a joke, I didn’t mean to upset you with it.”

“You didn’t upset me,” he said. “I’m just thinking.”

“That’s usually pretty dangerous,” I teased. “What about?”

He didn’t respond at first. I didn’t want to push him, so I was about to let it go, until he said, “What if I’m not right for you because we’re so different?”

It caught me so off guard that my first reaction was to laugh a little, but when I saw the serious look on Marshall’s face I realized that he was being serious.

“Look at us in that picture,” he said, nodding towards my phone. “I look like I’m almost mad to be there, but you look all happy. You should be standing next to someone who is going to mirror your happiness in pictures like that.”

“Babe, this is just your public persona. I know that you’re happy to be with me, and you’ve mirrored my happiness in plenty of pictures. You really don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Maybe you should be with someone who is genuine even out in person, not someone who has such a negative public persona.”

I sighed and cupped Marshall’s face so he would look at me. “Listen here, you are not that persona you put on for the cameras. You have your reasons for that and I understand them, but just because you put that face on when we’re out in public does not mean I deserve someone better. There’s no one better for me than you, Marshall. I adore you so much, and you are the sweetest person in the world. Don’t let something like this get to you.”

For added measure, I pulled him forward to kiss him. He smiled at me as I pulled away and put an arm around my shoulders to pull me back into his side.

“That was corny as fuck,” he said.

I laughed and playfully elbowed him in the side.

hi i know it was short i’m sorry i hope you enjoyed it though

[dottielovegood]

ASMR - Chapter 4

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

_______________________________________

You can find chapter 1 here, chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here

Read this fic on AO3

_______________________________________

The following week, Azriel read Elain’s messages too many times to admit. He had answered her that “meat banjo” was, indeed, a vile word, and after that, they hadn’t really talked or texted.

He had saved her number as “Elain”, which had felt weirdly private. As if they were friends, which they were not. He was just her friendly helper, and she was his remedy for nightmares.

However, even though they didn’t know each other, Azriel felt an odd sensation in his chest when he thought about her. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that he was missing her, which was absurd. But the tight little knot in his chest felt very much like longing. He tried to tell himself that this was weird and stupid. He knew that he had a crush on her (even though he hated to admit it), but he could also see that it was a pointless crush. She was an internet sensation, he was a boring IT guy. She was light and happiness and flowers, he was dark and brooding. She made people smile, he made people uncomfortable. And then there was the practical side of things. They had met on the internet. She probably lived on the other side of the country. Hell, she could even live in a different country for all he knew. She might have a partner already - it’s not like he asked. And, last but not least, she probably didn’t have a crush on him.

Before talking to her on the phone, he had just thought that she was a pretty girl that deserved kindness. But after their phone call, he had definitely developed a crush. Which was another reason why he hadn’t texted her. He didn’t want to bother her and he didn’t want to have this crush. He wanted to stop feeling like this for a girl he would never see in real life. Yet, every night before bed, he found himself on her youtube page, watching one of her many videos.

She uploaded a new video to Youtube every Friday, so when Friday came around, Azriel was itching to get home so he could go to sleep (he told himself that he was looking forward to sleeping and not to seeing her face).

However, he had an entire workday to get through first. The office was mostly an open landscape and Azriel’s desk was next to Cassian’s. The only person with his own office was Rhysand, which was fair since he was the owner of the company. At two in the afternoon, Rhys poked his head out of his office.

“You guys are still coming for dinner this weekend, right?”

“Yeah,” Azriel and Cassian answered in unison.

“I told Feyre that I would help her with the food,” Azriel continued.

Rhys looked like he was going to kiss Azriel. “Oh, god. Thank you, man. I was scared that we would have to repeat the Christmas dinner,” he said and shuddered.

Feyre hated to cook and Rhys did most of the cooking at home, but for some inexplicable reason, she always wanted to cook for holidays or family dinners. To everyone’s dismay. Christmas had been no exception. She had burned the turkey, added salt instead of sugar to the dessert and somehow managed to buy the wrong berries for her cranberry sauce. Luckily, Rhys had been prepared and bought a few frozen pizzas and some ice cream, so the day wasn’t that much of a disaster, but nobody wanted to brave Feyre’s cooking again.

“Why don’t you just cook?” Cassian asked without looking up from his screen.

“You know that she kicks me out if I so much as go near the kitchen when we have these family dinners. And since she started the hormone treatment, she has been a bit bitchy when she gets mad, so I’ll just do whatever she says.”

Azriel chuckled. He could tell from Rhysand’s tone that Feyre had been more than “a bit” bitchy.

“I don’t understand why she lets Azriel help, though…”

“Maybe because she knows that I’ll tell her to sit down with a glass of wine and a magazine, and then she can take all of the credit for the food?”

“Fair enough.” Rhys shrugged. “Just burn the food a little bit, or it won’t be believable.”

Cassian snorted. “No one would believe that something edible was made by your wife. Sorry.”

“She does make a great green smoothie, though,” Rhys grinned and held up his glass.

Azriel and Cassian looked at each other and had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing. The smoothie looked vile and smelled even worse.

After a few more minutes of small talk, Rhys went back to his office for an important phone call. “See you on Saturday,” he reminded them before closing the door.

Azriel and Cassian worked in silence for the remainder of the day.

When Azriel came home that evening, he made a quick pasta carbonara to eat in front of the TV. He was re-watching New Girl. It was his comfort show and absolutely nobody knew that he watched it (and had watched it multiple times). He would take that information with him to the grave. But it was fun and cute and sometimes he liked to imagine his friends as characters in the show. Cassian was probably Schmidt, because Nesta was one hundred percent Cece. Feyre was Jess, which meant that Rhys was Nick. And then there was Azriel. He wanted to say that he was a very cool character, but most characters on this show weren’t cool, and also, he was definitely Winston. Alone with a cat - sounds about right , Azriel thought to himself as he finished his bowl of pasta.

When the episode ended he just waited for the next to start. He didn’t have any plans for the night and nowhere to be. His phone vibrated where he had left it on the kitchen counter. He ignored it, feeling too lazy to get up. But then it vibrated again. With a sigh, he got up. He expected to see a text from Mor telling him to bring wine tomorrow, or maybe a strange meme from Cassian. What he didn’t expect was to see Elain’s name on his screen.

He could feel his heart in his throat as he read her messages.

Elain Hey, Shadowsinger. I’m uploading a new video soon. You should watch it!

Elain I hope that message didn’t sound creepy? I just meant that I think you might like it.

Azriel’s hands were sweaty.

Azriel You didn’t sound creepy at all. Of course, I’ll watch your video. May I ask what I can expect from it?

Just seconds later, Elain answered.

Elain You can ask, but I might not tell ;)

Azriel Should I be worried?

Elain Haha, no! I think it turned out great. You were my inspiration :)

Azriel could feel himself blush. He had never been someone’s inspiration before.

Azriel So, I’m your muse? ;)

Oh god, was that too flirty? Was the winky-face too much? He wished that he could take back the message.

Elain For tonight, yes!

Azriel stared at his phone, unsure of what to answer. Luckily, Elain wrote to him again.

Elain What are you doing tonight?

Azriel Nothing. Just eating pasta and watching TV. How about you?

Elain That sounds amazing. I have been editing this video for hours so I’m just tired and cranky, haha. I have just ordered a pizza and I think I’ll just eat it in bed as soon as this video has finished uploading. What did you watch?

Azriel If I told you, I would have to kill you.

Elain Oh, intriguing! Is it trashy drama? I bet it’s Grey’s anatomy! Or maybe… Love Island?

Azriel stared at his phone. Did she really think that he would watch something like Love Island?

Azriel I watched New Girl, okay. Don’t tell anyone.

Elain Your secret is safe with me! Also, I love New Girl! Especially Winston!

It felt as if someone was squeezing Azriel’s heart.

Azriel Really? Which character would you be?

Elain My pizza is here so I am going to put all of my electronics in a different room and eat my pizza while reading a good book. It was great talking to you, Azriel! Please tell me what you thought of the video when you have watched it.

Elain Oh, and I would probably be Winston’s cat. lol

Azriel almost dropped his phone. If he had to be alone with a cat for the rest of his life, he would definitely want Elain to be his cat , he thought to himself. Which was a weird thing to think about someone you didn’t know. Azriel dropped his head to his kitchen counter and took a deep breath before replying.

Azriel It was great talking to you too, Elain. Enjoy your dinner and your book :)

She didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. Azriel was going to be thinking about her for the rest of the night anyway.

30 minutes later, he got a notification telling him that Flower Girl ASMR had uploaded a new video. The video was called “ASMR for IT-guys”, which made him chuckle. He clicked the video and Elain’s beautiful face filled his screen again.

“Hello, my lovelies, lovelies, lovelies,” she whispered in her microphone. “This week’s video will be a bit different,” she continued, slowly moving her hands in front of the camera. “This video was inspired by my friend who recently helped me with some computer-related issues, issues, issues.”

Azriel loved it when she repeated words like that. And he liked that he somehow was a part of this video. It was something that connected them. Azriel paused the video and got into bed, knowing fully well that he would probably fall asleep soon if he kept watching this.

He pressed play again. “So, today, I thought that we would try a few computer-related triggers. I have a keyboard here,” she said and started typing on a keyboard that was out of view. “I thought that I would say a few trigger words while typing them.”

She smiled at the camera and pressed a few more keys. “I just wrote my friend’s name, but you won’t get to know who he is. But you know who you are. Thank you for your help!”

Azriel felt all warm inside.

She continued the video. “The first trigger word is IP address ”. Azriel laughed as she repeated the word multiple times while typing quickly.

“And then we have, laptop, laptop, laptop,” she continued, and Azriel felt shivers go down his spine when she popped the p’s.

Azriel had never thought that he would fall asleep to someone whispering “HTML coding” in his ears, but here he was. Relaxed and ready to sleep.

All thanks to Flower Girl ASMR.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The next day, Azriel texted Elain that he had loved the video. He waited for hours, but no reply came. Maybe she just wanted to repay me for helping her? Azriel thought. Maybe she would stop talking to him now that he had seen the video.

The thought of never talking to Elain again made him feel a new kind of ache in his chest. An ache he didn’t want to feel. This stupid crush needs to end, he muttered to himself as he started to scrub his kitchen counter. He tried to ignore the feeling by keeping busy. He cleaned his apartment and did some laundry before heading over to his friends’ house.

Rhys greeted him by the door and ushered him inside.

“She started cooking like 15 minutes ago, please save whatever can be saved,” he whispered to Azriel. Azriel chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. On the way there, he passed the living room and stopped to greet his friends. He saw most of them on a daily basis because of work, but he was still happy to see them. Cassian and his fiancée Nesta sat close together on one of the green velvet couches. On the opposite couch sat Mor and Amren. Mor was one of the journalists at Velaris News, and Amren was an editor. They had known each other for years. Amren and Rhys had studied together at university, and Mor was Rhysand’s cousin. Once upon a time, Azriel had a crush on Mor. One night after one too many glasses at Rita’s he confessed his feelings to her and she had looked horrified. He had expected her to tell him that she didn’t fancy him and leave it at that, but instead, she had blurted “I like girls!”

Azriel was the first person she ever came out to, and he had felt honored. He also knew now that they wouldn’t have worked out together in the long run (even if Mor had been straight). They were just too different. She was energetic and outgoing and fun, he needed peace and quiet. But she was still one of his very best friends.

Amren on the other hand, he didn’t know as well. She had always been very private, but she was damn good at her job.

“Where’s Varian tonight?” Azriel asked Amren, trying to make small talk.

“How should I know?” she answered quickly. “I’m not his mother.”

Cassian stared at her. “But you are his girlfriend?”

She shrugged. “I don’t like to label things.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. Amren had lived with Varian for the past two years, but she was still reluctant to tell anyone about their relationship.

Azriel made his way into the kitchen, and from what he could tell, he made it just in time.

“What are you making, Feyre?” he asked, because truthfully, he couldn’t tell.

Feyre turned around quickly as if he had startled her. “Oh, hi Az,” she said and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

Something was burning.

“I was trying to make lamb chops with glazed carrots, roasted potatoes, and salsa verde, but…” she gestured to the stove, which looked like a disaster.

Azriel chuckled. “That’s ambitious.” He lifted the lid from one of the pots and could clearly see that she had overcooked the lamb 10 minutes ago. Also, why had she made them in a pot, and not a frying pan? It would be inedible.

The potatoes were still in the sink, unpeeled.

She gave him a strained smile. “Will you help me?”

“Of course.” Azriel put the grocery bag he had brought with him on the kitchen island. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” She sounded desperate.

“Please, for the love of god, let Rhys cook when we come over. You really don’t have to show off. You are good at many things, Feyre. But cooking is unfortunately not one of them.”

She nodded. “I know,” she sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and buried her face in her hand. “I just...I need to be able to cook when I become a mother.”

Azriel took her hand in his. “You really don’t. Nobody expect fathers to be good at cooking, so why should every mother be good at it? Honestly, just let Rhys cook while you play with the kids.”

She smiled at him. “That actually sounds amazing,” she sighed.

“Right?”

Azriel started to pull out some ingredients from the bag on the kitchen island. He held up the tomatoes and the spaghetti, “How about some pasta arrabbiata with burrata?”

“Sounds fancy.”

He shrugged. “Everything sounds fancier in a different language. It’s just pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, and burrata on top.”

“Whatever you make will probably be better than that mess,” she said and glanced towards the stove. Azriel couldn’t disagree.

“Probably,” he laughed and got to work. Azriel placed all the pots and pans in the sink and started chopping the vegetables for the sauce, and in just 30 minutes, dinner was served.

“You are my hero,” Feyre said and kissed his cheek as she carried the big bowl of pasta to the dining room.

Everyone had already gathered around the table, wine glasses in hand. As Azriel sat down, Mor poured him some wine.

“This looks amazing,” Nesta said and Cassian nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, Az helped a little,” Feyre said and winked at Azriel.

“Just a bit,” Azriel said and took a sip of wine.

The conversation (and wine) flowed freely, as it always did. Cassian and Nesta told them about their wedding plans, Mor gushed about Emerie, a girl she was dating, and Feyre told them about life as a high school art teacher. Azriel would never understand how anyone could choose to spend their days with teenagers, but Feyre loved it.

After two bottles of wine, Nesta and Mor were in an argument about which animal was the cutest.

“No, I am telling you, Sloths are cuter than any animal ever,” Mor exclaimed. “Have you seen their dopey little faces?”

“Sloths? Really?” Nesta looked at her as if she had suggested that the sky was green. “Red pandas are way cuter! They are cute and cuddly, Sloths just look like every single stoner I went to high school with.”

They had been at it for 10 minutes, which Azriel found to be quite impressive.

“Can you both just shut up?” Amren gritted out. “The cutest animals are koalas. They’re even cute when they fight. I am right, you are wrong. Please stop this meaningless discussion before I die from boredom.”

Nesta and Mor looked at Amren, and then at each other.

“We obviously have to see Koalas fight if you want us to end this conversation,” Mor said.

Nesta nodded. “Obviously. Give me your phone, Az,” she said and reached for his phone.

“Why do you need my phone?”

“Because mine is dead and yours is right there on the table. Also, your screen is big and we need to watch this in full HD, for obvious reasons.”

Azriel huffed a laugh, unlocked his phone, and handed it to Nesta.

She clicked the Youtube app, and then her face fell. She looked at Azriel as if he was an alien, and then she showed the phone to Cassian who looked at him with the same facial expression.

What the hell had they found?

He didn’t have anything weird on his phone. And he sure as hell didn’t watch porn on it.

“What?” Azriel asked, and Nesta turned the phone.

Fuck. The last video he had watched was still loaded on Youtube, and of course, it was Elain’s latest video.

“What the hell is this?” Nesta asked, almost looking angry.

Azriel didn’t understand why she found ASMR so wrong, but he desperately wanted to explain himself.

“Well, it’s ASMR. It’s kind of… well, it’s hard to explain, but it helps me sleep and– “

Nesta interrupted him before he could finish. “I know what ASMR is. I am wondering why you are watching Elain?”

Azriel stared at Nesta in shock. Did she also like Elain’s videos? But that wouldn’t explain the anger and confusion.

“Do you...know her?” Azriel asked.

“Yes, we went to university together. She’s our florist for the wedding. She was the florist at their wedding, too,” Nesta answered and gestured towards Rhys and Feyre. “Surely you have met her?”

Azriel could do nothing but shake his head in confusion. If he had ever met Elain, he would have known. You didn’t forget a face like hers.

“Please tell me you’re not stalking her like some creep, Az. Honestly, her last boyfriend was the world’s biggest asshat.”

“I’m not stalking her,” Azriel blurted out. “I’m just watching her videos to fall asleep, I promise. I– I didn’t know that you knew her.”

Nesta eyed him suspiciously. “So, is this just a coincidence?”

He nodded. “Weirder things have happened,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Nesta glanced at Cassian, and then back at Azriel. “Fine,” she said after a small eternity. “You would probably be cute together anyway. Sorry for insinuating that you would be a stalker.” She really did look remorseful. “That wasn’t fair. I’m just very protective of her. She’s the nicest girl, but she has horrendous taste in men.”

Azriel couldn’t answer, because his mind was still stuck on the fact that Nesta said that they would be cute together. He wanted to ask Nesta why she thought that. He kind of also wanted to ask her if Elain lived here in Velaris, and what her favorite movie was, and if she, by any chance, had a boyfriend. But he refrained, he didn’t want to sound like a stalker.

“So, what the fuck is ASMR?” Cassian asked. “Is it like porn?”

Before Azriel could answer, Rhys said “It’s like porn for your ears, I guess,” and then the entire table was laughing.

“Nesta,” Feyre said when the laughter had died down. “Does Elain still have that cute, little shop on River Street?”

“Mhm,” Nesta answered and took a sip of her wine.

Azriel could kiss Feyre for asking. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he could see her wink in his direction before raising her water glass to her lips.

Azriel walked home that evening with a million thoughts in his head.

He made a list in his head:

Elain lived in Velaris

River Street was literally a 10-minute walk from his home.

Nesta thought that they would be cute together

This meant nothing

She probably didn’t even like him back

Just because they were in the same city, it didn’t mean that they would ever meet.

This was still just a crush

And it was probably one-sided

She hadn’t even answered his latest text message.

And as if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Elain I’m sorry that I didn’t answer you earlier. I’ve been at work all day. We had a leak in the basement and everything was just chaos. I haven’t even checked my phone until now.

He mentally scratched number 9 from his list.

Azriel No worries! Did you fix the leak?

Azriel checked the time on his phone: 23.30

Had she dealt with this leak until now?

Elain Yes! But so many flowers were ruined (I’m a florist) and I had to remake a few arrangements for a wedding that’s coming up.

Elain I’m sorry. You probably don’t care. I’m happy that you liked the video :)

Azriel wanted to tell her that he did care. That everything she said was interesting to him. He would probably even find her Starbucks order fascinating. But that bordered on stalker behavior.

Azriel Again, no worries! Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you just need someone to vent to.

Elain Exactly! Thank you for letting me vent :) This day is finally over!

There was a selfie attached to the last message.

Elain was standing in front of a big window surrounded by flowers. She was wearing a white, oversized shirt and her hair was in a messy bun. She looked tired but happy. She was giving him ‘thumbs up’ in the photo and through the window, he could see the Sidra. They were indeed in the same city. It made him both happy and nervous.

Elain Sweaty but happy to be heading home :)

Azriel received that last message when he walked through the door to his apartment. What the hell was he supposed to answer?

But then he thought back to Nesta’s words.

You would probably be cute together.

So he took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

Azriel You still look beautiful though

He stared at his phone. Would she answer? Would she block him? Would she tell him to stop being a creep?

Elain Thank you :) What do you look like? I might have forgotten ;)

Okay. That was flirty. Even Azriel could tell that that was a flirty text message, and he was usually oblivious to such things. He quickly walked to his bathroom (it was the room with the best lighting). He checked his shirt (no stains) and mussed with his hair.

“Good enough,” he muttered, and snapped a selfie.

Before he could chicken out, he sent it to her.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

Elain Beautiful!

[gaysimpsstuff]

Fatgum As a Dad

This was inspired by a conversation I had on a discord server, we all have daddy issues and want Fatgum to adopt us so here’s all the shit we collected.

There are some serious themes in here, mostly regarding the biological parents of the kid, but it’s vague as possible. If anyone wants me to add a trigger warning please let me know.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It all started when he was a kid, when he learned what an orphanage was. One of the kids in his class mentioned being from one, so when he got home he asked his parents about it. 

“Mom, what’s an orphanage?”

“Well, Taishiro, it’s where children that don’t have parents go. Then people can come and adopt the children. Why do you ask.”

“A kid at school said he’s from one, when d’you think he’s gonna get adopted?”

“He might, not all children get adopted. Some of them stay in the orphanage until they’re adults.”

“BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR!” he shouted. “EVERYONE DESERVES A HAPPY CHILDHOOD!”

“Well, honey, life’s not fair. And not everyone gets a happy life. It’s how most villains are made, actually. They were hurt more than everyone else and couldn’t handle it anymore. Not all villains are like that but many are. I think you should stay away from that kid, Taishiro. He might turn out a villain.”

But he didn’t stay away. And he made it his mission to become a pro hero so he could make a ton of money and help as many people as he could. He’d help even villains, keep them from doing something dangerous and inspire hope in them.

Then, he’d adopt any kid who needed a father. All the orphanages and foster programs would be empty. Homeless children off the street and in his house, being fed and clothed. He’d care for each and every one of them, not wanting a single person to feel like they didn’t belong. 

He finds most of his kids at pride parades. He walks around with a shirt that says ‘FREE DAD HUGS’ and a box full of candy. He remembered one of the kids walking up to him slowly.

“Um.. are you Fatgum?” 

“Yes I am!”

“Can I have a hug?”

“Yes you can, Kiddo!” he got down, and the kid put his arms on his stomach (Fatgum’s too big for anyone to fully hug, the dude’s taller than Allmight!) he wrapped his arms around the kid before he heard sniffles. He looked down and saw that the kid was crying.

“M-my parents never hug me like this!” they exclaimed. “They haven’t since I came out. They want to kick me out when I turn thirteen!” 

“Can I have their number? I’m going to... talk to them.”

He ended up taking the kid’s family to court, and since the parents were going to just kick the kid out anyways, they let Fatgum adopt them, but they kept nagging him about how he was ‘going to be raising a little demon.’

“Then call me Lucifer.” he spat right back. Now, that kid’s grown up, has pride flags all around their walls, and doesn’t ever doubt that they’re loved.

Fatgum probably bakes with his kids. Helping them up onto the counter to mix ingredients and play with the dough. If they mess something up or break a glass, it’s fine. He doesn’t yell at them or sigh and shake his head, he just kissed the kid on the forehead and helps them clean up the mess. 

The food always turns out amazing, and Fatgum always tells the kids that. All of his kids are now Gordon Ramsay level chefs and have probably met Gordon Ramsay. 

No matter what their body type is, Fatgum tells his kids their handsome/beautiful and are model worthy. If anyone comments of one of his kid’s body, whether it be negative or... ‘positive’ in a creepy way, you can expect that they’re getting slammed into the ground. No questions asked.

One of Fatgum’s kids is really good at make-up. Like, really good. So Fatgum did the only thing a rational father would do. 

Ask for a make-up job.

It didn’t end all that well...

“Hold still.. I gotta get the eyeliner on.”

“Gosh, Kiddo it’s making my eyes water.” 

“I know, just hold still... aaaand...... done! Now don’t touch it or it’ll smear!”

“Wow, that looks great! You’re really good at this!”

“Thanks, dad- you smeared it already didn’t you?”

“....Nope.”

Fatgum: I'm not gonna do it, it just seemed like a good option. 

Fatgum not even two seconds later after seeing a trans kid crying: now carrying said child on his shoulders while his spouse is chuckling in a corner after signing adoption papers I did it.

This man would get his kids almost anything they wanted. Especially kids with ADD/ADHD/Autism/Tourettes/Anxiety who need stim toys.

Kid: chewing on their nails.

Fatgum: here take this stim toy, and this one, you chew this one so that might help-

Kid ends up with more stim toys than they can count.

Fatgum: just doing his job 

The Daddy Issues Gang: Hi dad- oh shit wait- Hi- I- fuck- trauma ensues. crying

Fatgum: grabs the daddy issues gang we're going to the nearest courtroom say hello to your new father its me im the father ok lets go.

Kid: um, dad can I talk to you? 

 Fatgum, turning around quickly: yes? 

 Me: ‘he moved so quick, he's mad at me, I'm gonna get yelled at’ Sorry, sorry! 

Fatgum: uh, no. I'm getting you ice cream and a new stuffed animal no questions asked

He'd just know when something's wrong, and he’d be great at comforting.

His usual style of comfort is to let the kid sit on his stomach and tell him what’s wrong. His body is one giant pillow for his kids to lay on, he can fit at least eight of them if they cuddle in closely.

Once filmed a commercial dressed as the Cool-Aid man, and all of his kids were in the commercial.

Fatgum: Busts down wall  “OH YEAH!”

Director: “And CUT! Okay, try a little more aggressive-”

Fatgum, in tears: “I don’t wanna scare my kids.”

As stated before, if anyone makes his kids feel bad he’s punching them to the ground, but sometimes he’s not in a position where he can do that. Like if a Karen mom ever comes over.

"Linda stop bringing lemon squares if you're going to talk about my son that way because they're just as sour as your attitude."

Fatgum but he slaps the toxic members of your family and tells them to do better or he's taking you.

Then takes you anyway because you prefer him.

Fatgum with a sweater that says ‘mr dad guy on it’

Fatgum definitely watches ATLA, and quotes Uncle Iroh daily. When his kids are minding their own business they suddenly hear

“Leaves from the vine... falling so slow...” 

INAUDIBLE CHAOS AND PANIC

Fatgum agency cosplayed ATLA characters on Halloween.

Fatgum was Iroh.

Kirishima was Sokka.

Tamaki was either Momo or Appa.

Maybe get a couple others in on it too, Mirio could be Aang and if Kirishima convinces Todoroki to join for a while he’d totally be Zuko.

Fatgum lets his kids squish his face.

Fatgum used to work with a hero who was hard of hearing, so he learned sign language to help them, and he’s got the skill saved in case one of his kids might be deaf.

So one day, Kirishima invites Bakugou on patrol with him, and we all love that headcanon of Bakugou going deaf, so when he gets pissed at something, he starts insulting everyone around him in SL.

Fatgum notices and starts signing back to him.

YOU’RE ALL MOTHERFUCKERS AND I HATE YOU ALL!

Hey, now, let’s calm down and not call everyone motherfuckers.

FUCK YOU TOO

Bakugou...

Everyone thinks that they’re doing magic, because they’re making all these shapes with their hands and keep looking offended at each other.

Now, Fatgum tries his gosh darn hardest to keep up with the memes, so when his kids come home with good grades, he says “That’s so pog, Kiddo!”

All of his kids are embarrassed.

In the middle of a battle, he throws Kirishima at a villain and they both scream “YEET!” the villain afterwords forever lives in fear of the word ‘yeet’ because he thinks it’ll result in a human rock being thrown at his face.

Fatgum can’t text very well, because his fingers are just too damn big-

sonhsisntextsblooklikehthis'

Translation: so his texts look like this

you learn to understand his texts

Someone better get him a large tablet instead of a phone

If he gets married after he adopts the kids, there’s going to be a huge competition over who does the rings and who does the flowers etc.

If any of his kid’s ever bring home a romantic partner, you can bet your ass he’ll be all over them.

“What’s your average grade?”

“E-eighty percent sir!”

“And do you take sports?”

“No sir, I wish to be a biologist.”

“I see, I see...”

“DAD, YOU AREN”T INTERVIEWING MY PARTNER, ARE YOU? YOU SCARED OFF THE LAST THREE I DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH THAT AGAIN!”

“SORRY, KIDDO! I’LL LET THEM GO NOW! I’ve got my fucking eyes on you. Don’t screw this up.”

Hope y’all enjoy this, if y’all want I can write some headcanons for if Fatgum’s kid becomes a villain-

[falling-pages]

heyy!! first off i hope you’re having a lovely day/night and are taking care of yourself :) i noticed your requests were open buuut i don’t exactly know how your requests work or your rules for requests and such so if any of this sounds unappealing to you then feel free to disregard it!!

i was wondering if you could do (headcanons or drabbles, whichever is more comfortable for you) for the hosts and how they would react if an s/o had an encounter with a toxic ex??

sorry if it’s troublesome but you’re one of the few people i’ve seen on here who write for ohshc and i recently had a run in with one of my, not so pleasant ex’s, and i’m still a bit shaken up by it. and once again no pressure or anything and if this doesn’t sound like something you’d want to do or isn’t something you take then feel free to ignore this :)

ty for your time love <3

Hi anon! Your request was so polite and lovely, it really made my morning :) my requests work just like this! Unless I post a prompt list or something, feel free to just slide in and send me a prompt! I have a stash of my own I’m working on but I always want to hear from you all and I’m always looking for ideas!

Thanks for sending this in! I really like this idea; it really showcases each of the hosts’ personalities. I’m sorry you had a bad run-in with your ex. I hope you take the time you need to find peace and comfort away from them, and I want you to remember that you are worthy of all the pure love in the world. I’m recovering from a toxic relationship too, so my messages are open if you need someone to talk to 💖

I listened to “You should be sad” by Halsey while listening to this.

Hosts running into your toxic ex:

Tamaki: 

1. Tamaki’s greatest wish in life is to have a family. A whole, complete, loving, annoying family. He made that happen at Ouran, and he wants to make it happen with you, too. When he loves, he loves with all his soul.

2. So he doesn’t understand why partners cheat. It literally astounds him. You’re in a relationship with this beautiful person you love, and you’re going to throw it all away?

3. So when he sees your ex and remembers all the things you told him they did to you, it takes everything in him not to go up to them and just tell them off.

4. You’re out shopping when you see them, and you silently duck behind Tamaki’s tall frame.

5. He instantly perks up and asks you to point out who it is, keeping you hidden behind him. 

6. When you show him, he pulls you to his chest and wraps his arms around you, burying your face in his shirt so you can’t see them.

7. Petting your hair and whispering sweet assurances in your ear.

8. “You’re with me now. You don’t have to be afraid.”

9. “They don’t deserve you. They never did.”

10. “You make me so happy. I would never dream of hurting you.”

11. “I’ll never leave you.”

12. You stay cuddled in his chest until your ex passes, with Tamaki sending them a death glare until they’re out of sight.

13. Tamaki buys you anything you want to help you forget about it.

Kyoya:

1. RIP to the person that hurt you, because he will ensure their demise

2. When you first tell him about your ex, he will do a little background research on them and learn their habits to make sure whenever you go out that you don’t run in to them

3. However, one day you do happen to run into them

4. Kyoya curses himself for not doing more research

5. You try to act like everything is normal, but he notices

6. The only thing keeping him from sicing his bodyguards on them is the tight grip you have on his hand

7. You go off to the bathroom to catch your breath and clear your head

8. He goes right up to them and threatens them within an inch of their life

9. “Listen here you bastard. I know everything about you. I know your SSN. I know where you live and what you like to do. If you ever, ever hurt them or go near them again, I will not hesitate to make your life a living hell.”

10. He scares them off

11. And when you come out of the bathroom and see they’re gone, you know he did something

12. “What did you do?”

13. “Don’t worry, I took care of them.”

Haruhi:

1. She will also give them a piece of her mind

2. She’s not one to take insults lying down

3. She yelled at Yoshio Ootori, after all

4. And those men in ep. 8

5. She won’t embarrass you or make a scene

6. But if they happen to walk too close to you

7. She might stick out her foot

8. They might “trip”

9. And end up with a broken nose

10. Oh whoops how could that have happened

11. But she will lovingly rub your back to help you calm down

12. And will make you your favorite food for dinner that night

Hikaru:

1. That boy is a little ball of anger anyways

2. So Heaven help if you ex sees you two together

3. The night you told him everything about your ex, he held you until you fell asleep

4. And silently promised you and himself that he would make them pay for hurting you

5. Hikaru has two modes

6. FIGHT

7. And

8. JEALOUS

9. You have to l i t e r a l l y hold him back when you see them in public

10. He will go buck wild on their ass

11. If your ex is male, he will tear him to pieces

12. He will knock them on their sorry ass and punch them until they regret the day they were born

13. Lights out mf

14. He is so furious that this person hurt you--you, the one he loves more than anyone in the entire world--that he will not stop fighting until the guy is bleeding from every orifice

15. You’re embarrassed at first

16. But you kinda like the lengths he went to to protect your honor

17. If your ex is a girl

18. He was raised to never hit a woman

19. So he will just glare at her so hard she’s sure to be seeing stars

20. And wrap his arms around you and give you a kiss to make it obvious that you are his

21. Once they’re gone, he keeps you wrapped in his arms to give you a steady anchor

22. With whispered promises of “I will always be here”

23. And kisses pressed into your hair

Kaoru:

1. Kaoru doesn’t get enough mischievous credit

2. Remember the refreshing battle? He can pull a few tricks even without Hikaru around

3. Sure, he’s more quiet and reserved than his brother

4. But if your ex even dares to show their face when he’s around

5. Then he will make it obvious who you are currently dating

6. As soon as your ex sees you he will pull you into a makeout session

7. Doesn’t matter where you are

8. School

9. Mall

10. Hitachiin fundraiser event

11. He doesn’t care

12. Sloppy, sloppy makeout session

13. He will kiss you so hard that you forget your ex is even around

14. If you’re comfortable with it, his hands will wander, just to prove the point

15. While he enjoys kissing you because you’re you, he also wants to show your ex how much you upgraded

16. Because now you’re dating a person who is protective of you and loves you with his whole heart

17. And isn’t afraid to show it

18. And who wants nothing but your love in return

Mitsukuni:

1. Dead. 

2. Plain and simple.

3. Dead.

4. Mitsukuni will see that this person makes you sad

5. And they’ll probably end up in a dungeon somewhere

6. Never seen or heard from again

7. And then he’ll just pop back up with you

8. “Where did you go?”

9. “Bakery!”

10. *slyly washes his hands of the remains*

11. Buys your silence with ice cream

Takashi:

1. Ya know that meme??? The “haha, I’m in danger” meme?

2. Yeah, that’s your ex when Takashi gets his hands on them

3. He knows you wouldn’t want much attention brought to it

4. But he feels the way your hand tenses when you see them

5. He sees the way you freeze when they walk by

6. He knows just how awful they were to you

7. And so that night when you get home, he sits down with you and untangles every knotted string connecting your heart with that person

8. He listens to you talk, holds you when you cry, and helps you figure out the healthiest way to cope with what that relationship did to you

9. He runs his fingers through your hair as you snuggle against his chest, feeling warm and safe and loved and cared for

10. You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat

11. He is extra nice to you the next day

12. He knows you’re still healing

13. He’s just glad you’ve allowed him there for the ride

14. He does research to find the best ways to help you heal

15. Buys books and watches TedTalks and attends online forums

16. He brings up therapy as gently as he can

17. And points to his research saying it might help

18. And he’ll go with you if you want

19. Or he will support you from afar if you want to go alone

20. All that matters is that he’s there beside you for the journey

21. He will never let that person near you ever again

22. And if they ever show up

23. His fists will make them regret the day they ever hurt you

You inspired me to write a whole one-shot with some of the hosts! I’ll put that out soon. Thanks for the suggestion, anon :) <3

[mothercetrion]

here’s the rest of subscorp for the otp meme for @/IcyHotBxstxrd on twitter!!

you can see numbers 3, 5, & 9 for subscorp here!!

1. Who offers their jacket when the other is cold? I don’t know if this would happen? like, it’s an amazing thought, but I don’t think Kuai Liang would wear jackets since he can withstand cold temperatures pretty easily. same for Hanzo. but blankets? oh, Kuai Liang would give Hanzo his blanket in an instant. if he even kinda looks cold, even if he’s really not, he’s getting a blanket

2. Who giggles uncontrollably when the other playfully picks them up? Kuai Liang. Hanzo rarely picks him up as is, but when he does, oh, he loves it. he’s not a light man, and he’s always a tad impressed by it

4. Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun? Kuai Liang is more likely, but only by a small margin. he’s fed puns by Johnny, since they’re good friends and all, and he loves seeing Hanzo’s bewildered expression when he says one. Hanzo will just chuckle, shake his head, and wonder how his life has gotten to be so... good. so good :)

6. If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear? Hanzo would give Kuai Liang something comfortable. of course, his day-to-day outfit is comfortable, but he loves seeing Kuai Liang in a button up shirt. he knows Kuai Liang is a simple man, and simple clothes he shall get. he loves how he looks in blue, of course, but the man in yellow... it makes him very happy. Kuai Liang has the same mindset of allowing his husband some comfort. he would have him wear his hair fully down; he adores his hair and loves seeing it down. he loves seeing him in short sleeved shirts just as much, both simple and movable so he can proceed with his day. plus, if he’s wearing short sleeves, Kuai Liang can stare at his arms :)

7. Who introduces their partner to their family first? How does it go? this is gonna sound sad but neither of them have any blood family to introduce the other to? so we’re ignoring canon a smidge for this one fkjsnfjksng the Shirai Ryu loves Kuai Liang. they do. of course, when they first knew him, they hated him because of their rocky past, but as time went on, they grew to love Kuai Liang for his levelheadedness, his kindness, his dedication to his own clan. when Hanzo informed the clan that they were dating, they were all very happy about it. (Kuai Liang has visited Harumi and Satoshi’s graves. they’re on the grounds of the Fire Garden. Hanzo showed him where they were, and they paid their respects. Hanzo was a bit emotional about explaining to his wife that he had someone else in his life; Kuai Liang understood.) equally and for the same reasons, the Lin Kuei loves Hanzo. Frost was... yeah, we all saw her reaction to Hanzo. but I think if Hanzo proved to her that he had nothing less than positive intentions, she would eventually come around. but it would take a while, and it’s understandable why. if Bi-Han were to be restored, he would be equally hesitant about Hanzo. it’s clear why, and honestly, I think Bi-Han would... like, struggle to be around him at first soon after he’s restored; it’s nothing against Hanzo, but the memories of his death are never easy to deal with, and Hanzo and Kuai Liang both know better than anyone that it’s understandable. Bi-Han would eventually be able to talk to Hanzo, and he realizes that Hanzo is a good man who makes his little brother happier than anyone else can. he knows that he can’t be too upset about that (not to plug but I actually wrote a fic about Bi-Han [and others] learning that they’re dating; read it here!!)

8. In a coffee shop AU, who would be the coffee shop employee and who would be the customer? barista Kuai Liang and customer Hanzo. Hanzo immediately finds him rather handsome, and he finds himself watching him work while he’s doing work at a table. when he orders another drink, Kuai Liang inquires on what he’s working on. being friendly, you know. they hit it off pretty quickly!!

10. What is a small thing that one another does to make their partner happy? Kuai Liang runs his fingers through Hanzo’s hair when they’re cuddling. there’s something about his gentle fingers carding through his hair after a long day, after a good day, after any kind of day that makes him feel so incredibly happy and safe. it’s his favorite thing in the world. Hanzo aims for Kuai Liang’s scar when he kisses his forehead. it’s such a small thing, and sometimes Kuai Liang wonders if Hanzo doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it, but then he realizes that it’s Hanzo and of course he realizes. it makes him endlessly happy

11. What would they do to celebrate their one year anniversary? Takeda insists that they spend it however they’d like, not working (“you deserve a day off! go! have fun!”), and honestly, they hardly do anything all that exciting. neither of them are the type to do anything spontaneous anyhow; they just want a day where they can relax, spend the day together, do what they normally don’t. Hanzo cooks them lunch, and Kuai Liang offers his help (and does his best). they honestly probably don’t go outside of either of their respective homes; they want to spend the day together, and if that means doing nothing, then they’re happy. they sit under a tree and read. they read to each other. they work together to make dinner. they dance in their kitchen listening to music. it’s a simple day of simply them. and they’re happy

12. When did they know that loved each other, and when did they first tell each other that they loved one another? it didn’t take long. once they got over the initial hatred of one another, I doubt it took long for them to realize that they meant a lot to one another. it’s around the same time, a few months after they decide to start dating. Kuai Liang realizes it first. he notices quickly that Hanzo is his best friend, no doubt about it. but then he realizes that he wants to see Hanzo happy. he wants to see this man, this man that has lost everything, with everything he could ever want. Kuai Liang wants to get that for him. I think it’s right around then, and damn, he doesn’t know how to go about it. Hanzo realizes a bit after him. he never thought he would find someone to love again, but he knows this feeling. the feeling like you’re floating, the feeling like you can tell them anything, the very thought of them making you smile. he knows it’s love, and yet he denies it for a while. Kuai Liang is the one to say it first. it’s nighttime, they’re relaxing in their bed, and he lets it slip. it’s an accident, and he’s almost about to apologize, when Hanzo says it back. they’re both really happy about that

13. Who likes to give the other hugs from behind followed by a kiss? Kuai Liang. he knows that Hanzo is busy sometimes, and it’s the perfect way to pop in, let him know he cares about him and is there for him, and get out. it’s usually a peck on the cheek, and Hanzo always grabs at him and gets a real kiss before he goes

14. Who would make a playlist for the other person? What would be featured on the playlist? Hanzo, probably. Takeda taught him how to do it, and he thought it was a sweet gesture. a lot of it is instrumental, since that’s what Kuai Liang likes, and then the occasional song with words that he’s seen Kuai Liang humming along to when they’re out and about. Kuai Liang listens to it all the time, especially when he’s away

15. Who would bring their partner on a romantic date under the stars? Kuai Liang. easily. I headcanon that he loves the stars anyhow, and he and Hanzo will sit on a roof and look at the stars. he knows a lot about constellations, and Hanzo loves to learn about them, so it just works out magnificently (I’ve written about this too!! read it here!)

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

AIGHT Y’ALL I wasn’t tagged but I’m doing this anyways because f u c k  i t

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?

Deadasss weird as fuck, my dude. Like...out of all the things I could’ve predicted happening in our lord’s year 2021, it definitely was NOT getting hyperfixated on a hammy gay ship with a punk and a nerd from a goddamn karate soap opera. And yet...here we are??? I will never understand hyperfixations, my guy. But I’ve met a lot of really cool people in this fandom, so I can’t really complain.

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?

I have never seen a single Karate Kid movie in my entire life. When I was a kid, it looked kinda dumb so I never got into it XD But then I saw my roommate watching Cobra Kai on Youtube Red one day (he has every streaming service known to man) and I was hooked. And...here I am!

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:  

Literally EVERYONE except for Kreese, Yasmine, Kyler, and Tory, sorry stans

Okay but if we gotta pick, Johnny Lawrence is my Problematic Fave. Also I love my boy Daniel, he’s trying his best!!! And Amanda LaRusso, we stan a queen!!!

Among the kids, definitely Miguel, with Demetri as a close second. I also love Sam, Aisha, Moon, and Hawk (pre- and post-Bastardization Arc, anyways XD)!

Favorite ship:  

Take a look at my username and take a WILD FUCKING GUESS lmao Yes it’s Eli/Demetri because DUH, every interaction they have is so fucking gay and Eli fucking saved him!!! And came back to him!!! And betrayed the world’s most terrifying dojo with a WAR CRIMINAL SENSEI all for Demetri!!! And how Demetri was willing to forgive him for everything at the drop of a hat because he always had faith there was still good in his best friend??? That’s TRUE LOVE motherfuckers. Please let them kiss in Season 4. I will sell you all of my limbs. Sam/Miguel is a close second because they’re cute as shit and it’s just so lovely to see two people so unapologetically smitten with each other. They are in LOVE, and I will RIOT if they break up again!!! Keep Sam and Miguel together 2k21!!!

Underrated character:

SAMANTHA LARUSSO!!! The amount of hate my girl gets for acting like a normal teenager and fucking up occasionally JUST like the rest of the cast makes me want to start punching things. She cares SO MUCH about her friends!!! And she loves the shit out of Miguel!!! She hasn’t always been the best friend but you know what??? Neither has Hawk, and we still forgave his ass!!! Also LET HER BE FEMININE but also kick utter ass, my god!!! Femininity should not be synonymous with being weak, y’all! ALSO DEMETRI, like yes, he likes to complain and occasionally run his mouth, but guess what else he likes to do??? Never give up on the love of his life his best friend Eli Moskowitz and refuse to lose faith in him no matter how much of a little shit he’s become, and I for one think that’s very badass of him. Also the way he takes care of Eli pre-Cobra Kai in his own snarky bastard way makes me absolutely Weak and needs more appreciation. Like the dude has charisma and COULD have probably made other friends and left Eli behind if he wanted, but did he??? No, he wants the weepy loser with the lip scar in the polo shirts and dorky sweaters and will protect him as much as his wimpy ass is able!!!

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  

Among the adults, Daniel/Amanda!!! Like maybe I just don’t watch that much tv, but it seems kinda rare to me to see a happily married hetero couple, and it’s just nice to see a married couple who genuinely love each other and where there’s not like...lingering resentment or some shit. I feel like this ship gets overshadowed by Lawrusso a lot (which like--okay, fair!!! Daniel and Johnny do have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, and the gay undertones are undeniable, so I get it), and it makes me kinda sad. I do love Lawrusso, but I don’t like when Amanda has to get her heart broke for it to happen, you feel? Among the kids, honestly YasMoon. Like I really love the idea of Yasmine trying to better herself because of Moon’s influence on her and because Moon like...inspires her to be a better person, I guess? With their pretty strong friendship, it just makes more sense to me for Yasmine to get a redemption arc through Moon than through Demetri. ALSO girls DO often pull the whole “mean girl” shtick to cover up being closeted lesbians, and Moon IS canonically bi, so it could work!!! I just think this one could be a really interesting Friends to Lovers take, and could make a really nice coming-out arc for Yas. And MoonPiper too, honestly!!! Like they only got 5 seconds of screentime so I understand WHY it’s underrated, but I still love what we DID get and loved that there was a canon gay ship (even if only for 1 scene lmao). I’m really excited to potentially see more of them in Season 4!!! Please, I’m begging!!!

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?

Sweep the Leg because it will always be deeply hilarious to me how Demetri took note of the first move Eli ever used on him and spent presumably weeks perfecting it OUT OF SPITE just to get him back with it at the soccer game MONTHS later. Just goes to show how OBSESSED Demetri is with Eli and their little karate rivalry which is just NOT straight, I’m sorry

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?

There’s something so funny about this pretentious little fuck walking around in fancy suits once he becomes a #SuccessfulBusinessman, and still occasionally trying to do karate in a full-ass suit (take THAT, Tom Cole’s boba!!!) I’m also a big fan of how he looks in his gi with his little headband. Still killing that look as a 40-50-something!!!

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

Tbh I have still never seen a single Karate Kid movie (they took them off of Netflix, RIP), so...I don’t really care if they bring anyone else back??? I’m invested in the characters we already have in the show, I don’t need some rando from the movies to make a cameo to have a good time XD The only character I really wanted them to bring back was Ali, and they already did, so like...I’m good??? That’s all I really needed, I can die in peace now XD

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

Basically any fluffy Elimetri scene, but 5 in particular: ~Miguel first meeting Eli and Demetri at the lunch table, and Eli looking at Demetri like he hung every goddamn star in the sky ~Demetri going off at a terrifying, “unhinged” karate sensei on the first day of Cobra Kai because he made fun of Eli’s lip and Demetri is not about that shit ~ELI STEALING DEMETRI’S NACHO AND SMIRKING AT HIM, LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS HOMOSEXUAL IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND ~Eli yanking Demetri onstage during Valley Fest to hold a board, and Demetri being visibly like...extremely turned on when Eli breaks said board ~ELI SAVING DEMETRI DURING THE CHRISTMAS FIGHT, ELI APOLOGIZING, DEMETRI AND ELI KICKING COBRA ASS TOGETHER AKSBDCUWYVCBU

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?

I hope not! He’s kind of a funny meme character to pop up now and again but I don’t think he deserves a serious plotline when there are so many more interesting characters to follow.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?

Miyagi-Do because Cobra Kai would eat me alive. Also I’d probably straight up get stuck and die in that cement mixer, if I even made it that far XD Besides, being salty that your friend who you have a crush on likes martial arts better than you and starting martial arts to impress them but also being too lazy to join anything TOO intense is a Big Mood and I am certainly not speaking from personal experience here, no sirree

What’s your training montage song?

"Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna for a weight-training and bicep-flexing montage, “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons for a more intense punching-and-kicking-shit montage. I don’t know why this is, I just feel it in my heart.

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?

*Briefly panics because I don’t actually watch that much TV and most of the stuff I do watch is fantasy/sci fi shit that absolutely would not work for a CK crossover*

Hmmmm okay but ACTUALLY

You know what would be fucking funny as hell would be an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossover. Allow me to elaborate: ~The Gang goes to LA on vacation during the height of the Karate Dojo Wars. They literally can get barely anything done without all these goddamn karate-fighting teenagers getting in the way. ~They are all very annoyed by this. Even the most obscure of tourist attractions is eventually intercepted by karate fights. ~Mac tries to join Cobra Kai because he sees all this karate fighting on, and wants to unquestionably prove both his badassery and masculinity. Both Johnny and Kreese are like “Wtf are you doing here? Aren’t you like 30?” ~Mac gets a planet-sized crush on Johnny after all of 5 minutes and endlessly gushes to the gang about him. The gang mercilessly roast him about this and about how much of a pathetic loser with his life together in no way whatsoever Johnny sounds like. They proceed to have exactly 0 self awareness about this. ~The Waitress is in town visiting family or something, and Charlie is stalking her, as per usual. However, every time he’s about to go up and talk to her, a pack of battling Miyagi-Dos and Cobra Kais throwing punches and kicks everywhere blocks his path. One times, Mac is among one of these packs and Charlie is like “???? He didn’t get kicked out of that teen karate dojo yet???” ~Seeing how much the Kids These Days seem to like fighting, Charlie drops by a local high school to try and sell Fight Milk to the kids doing karate. Only Kyler and Brucks buy into it, and subsequently get the entire West Valley High wrestling team sick. Charlie is inevitably arrested, as Counselor Blatt thinks he’s selling the kids drugs. ~Dennis makes a plan to have sex with every hot chick he can in Los Angeles. He meets Ali on a dating app post-divorce, and inevitably tries to bang her. It doesn’t work. ~Frank crashes the rental car, and inevitably the gang ends up at one of Daniel’s dealerships. Dee quickly takes a liking to Daniel and is like “Watch, assholes--Imma homewreck this guy’s marriage.” She starts frequenting the dealerships to attempt to flirt with Daniel, until one day she walks in on him having sex with Johnny in a back room and she’s like “Is that the guy from Mac’s goddamn dojo?!?!” ~Dennis, of course, tries to sleep with Amanda. Amanda is not having it, and rebukes him in the most snarky, Amanda-esque way possible. Dennis is just like “Oh not AGAIN--the women in this goddamn diva city have too high of standards!” ~Later on, the gang is at the beach and Dennis spots the blonde lady he went out on an ill-fate date with, and decides to give it another shot--that is, until he sees her go up and kiss another woman and he’s like “IS THAT THE LADY FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP??? STUPID-KARATE-KICK-COMMERCIAL’S WIFE?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” ~Dee complains to Dennis about her lack of luck getting laid, and Dennis is just like “Oh come ON, is everyone in Los Angeles gay???” Smash cut to Hawk and Demetri having sex, Moon and Piper making out, Bert and Nate holding hands, Chris and Mitch doing oral, and Amanda, Ali, and Carmen having a threesome. ~Frank tries to scam Kreese into buying cheaply-made karate equipment for his dojo. The gang ends up having to leave LA because Kreese is quite literally plotting all of their murders.

For tagging, uuuuhhhhhh @jackonthelongwalk @soe-leo @max-eagle-fang @cc-tinslebee @backawayfromthegay @asphodel-storm do the thing, if y’all haven’t yet!

[norgestan]

norandro, eva/nora, amiris 👀❣️

NORANDRO:

i mean, starting off pretty strong with my favorite eskam couple. oh god. THEM. as someone who cannot stomach season 2 and also skipped william's clip and william's clip only when season 4 of skam came to an end... i will ALWAYS love what eskam did for this couple. i think i explain it pretty well on my season 3 review, but to sum up those thoughts: i think this is what noorhelm was truly supposed to be, they're both pretty flawed characters with great arcs who make their get-together super interesting and organic, alejandro is my baby and the most developed william and i'll die on this hill, etc.

especially i think that norandro, for a ship that got way less screentime that all their other counterparts, is by FAR the most developed couple in all of them and up there in eskam too, and although they weren't the focus of most of the show, it's clear as day that the writers really tried to tell a compelling story with these two - and they succeeded. it's shocking to me that eskam actually got to link the "everyone is fighting a battle" motto that has become a meme for how poorly incorporated it is on the skamverse, as alejandro effectively behaved around that motto: during season 3 and onwards, which is where i believe he's fully reformed as a character and love interest, he never hurts nora - nor anyone - in any way. he struggles to tell nora how he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to hurt her, and in the miscommunication fest that their first clip of s3 is, i've always LOVED that nora calls alejandro a "fuckboy" still, and he's clearly annoyed by this, but doesn't bite back. he's always so mindful of her feelings even though he's struggling himself, BECAUSE he understands that his suffering is not the center of the world! because treating people with kindness is a strength in itself! and it continues like that for the rest of the season. like, at his most petty, he just sends a text to nora calling her a "fuckboy", which is honestly hilarious. he deals with a lot of jealousy because of nora's new relationship, yet he values her friendship so much that he never snaps at her, he never lets it show when he's talking to her, and he's never passive-aggressive about it - you can tell that he's so genuinely glad that they're still friends after all. god, the clip where he realizes that miquel is a shit boyfriend while he's talking to nora... imagine the things any other william would've said there. imagine the ways alejandro could've been petty or overprotective and fuck everything up. instead, he recognizes nora needs space and even though it hurts to be away from her, he does it because he understands it's what she needs - and his own feelings and entitlement (that he previously showed, too!) aren't the most important thing. it's beautiful. UGH. what a great character eskam crafted, there.

i like them well enough in s4, too. i think, for what they had to work with, they took them in a good direction and their happy ending feels deserved. it's just that... personally, i wish there was more introspection of nora's aftermath in s3, which is also one of my complaints with season 3 - and where characters like emma could've been SO good. although i understand the intentions, a lot of nora's internal turmoil regarding her abusive relationship with miquel are only tied to her desire to be with alejandro. it's frustrating that it became so boy-focused when the girl squad was the center of the emotional climax of nora's season. to me, the solution is still in giving the pov's to the girl squad and not... random characters lol, but oh well. i think eskam did good there and i still love this couple the most!!! i just wish there was an universe where their story doesn't have to be wrapped up in one season and we can get actual glimpses of a beautiful slow burn where they can finally get together and make their relationship work - and this is where the fanfic part comes in, i guess! as someone who loves the couple, i liked seeing them lovey-dovey in the background of s4, but also i wouldn't have been too mad if they held off from making them completely canon and only hinted their status as endgame, kinda how they did with eva and jorge. oh, and speaking of eva, i guess...

NOREVA:

i guess, the main thing with them is that i love norandro so much that i can't really see nora with any other love interest??????? now, platonically. UGH. 12/10. anyone who's seen season 3 should know and i shouldn't even have to explain it tbh. i love the focus that is put on their friendship and how emotionally charged it is when it comes to miquel and the aftermath of all that. like, a similar thing is done with norandro - because at that point, nora and alejandro were exclusively friends, but it becomes even more relevant when it's about eva. eva who, you know, was in a toxic relationship herself. i love that she herself brings up her relationship with jorge when she's talking about miquel, and how wary she is of everything that happening. the fact that she's the first one to sense it feels so right!!! i love that eskam really made them close and gave them the window scene, which is both so powerful on its message and a true love letter to female friendships.

i think eva is a really underrated eskam character as it is, like... people really don't understand how great of a character she is and how much she's grown. they are quick to call her a boring, ooc party girl once s2 rolls around, like eskam didn't spend TIME making eva herself declare that hooking up with cristian (and cristian ONLY!) was something she did out of fun and she was decided to stop as soon as it stopped being fun for her. moreover, eva is such a perceptive person: she's been that way since s1 and it has only carried across for the entirety of the show since then. and when pairing two really good characters together, like eva and nora, you really can't go wrong. their friendship brings great things out of both of them and it goes through its own arc during nora's season, whereas other seasons either dump eva as noora's bff midway through or just make them really close to introduce character drama but don't really do anything to their dynamic as it is.

romantically... sigh. i'm sorry LOL as much as i love girls kissing and wlw romance done right... i don't see potential for this relationship outside their platonic dynamic. which is, btw, incredibly strong and beautiful. i'm super contented with how eskam handled their friendship and therefore i wouldn't want anything else from them, and it's not like nooreva where the chemistry was THERE. however! i'm always open to see people's interpretations of what romantic noreva could be. wasn't it you who wrote that beautiful fic of nora realizing she's bi and falling for eva after season 3? because now THAT'S the shit i'm looking for. i think there's a lot of potential there which i'd like to see explored in fic, but other than that, i love their relationship how it is and i've never felt a desire to see them as each other romantic interests.

AMIRIS:

first things first: why did eskam NEVER confirm cris having an embarrassing, sweet, confusing childhood crush on amira? i mean, it's my headcanon that she'll later realize it and she'll jolt awake and think "holy FUCK" but like... it's a thing that isaks are into their jonases. why didn't it happen here :(((((

being honest, childhood friends to lovers has never been my thing? a simple friends to lovers doesn't do it for me: i like my relationships rocky, with lots of character moments and whose survival and success depend only on the people involved making efforts to change and do better. if you've seen s4... yeah, that's not really the case. it's just disappointing because damn, amiris is the realest thing indeed, but also... what case are the writers doing for them? because it was only irene and hajar doing the intense gazing and bringing all the chemistry home. s4 cris is a mess and a half, and while i like the idea of the bench scene featuring both of them, and being more about cris reminding amira the reasons she's made it this far instead of lecturing her about sucking it up better... the result is still lackluster. there are SO many issues on their friendship that were introduced and then dropped, and it's really nice that cris finally is there to comfort amira when shit goes down, it truly is! but what else is there? it's just a small part of s4 being a bunch of missed potential. they could've REALLY done something great with their relationship and bring back and close cris' development in the show, but we only got... well, nothing. back to 0. amira has to live with those problems, now. things like that really make it seem like once amira broadens her horizons, she won't really go back to her friendship with the girls, and cris will be a lingering wound of the past. oh well.

ehem. romantically!!!!!!! as i said, cris was totally crushing on amira at some point. like... canon really makes a point at making cris' brother amira's love interest, where dani has nothing to offer to amira than cris hasn't done yet. iftar on a rooftop? ha, loser, cris did it first. admiring her passion and her faith? cris does it arguably way better than dani. longtime pining? dude. go home. okay, i'll cut dani soto some slack since it's not about him lol. point is, if amira was charmed by all of those things, then what tells me that the option of her and cris being a thing is off the table? at the end of the day, they're indeed a relationship that needs a lot of work and patience to last. the 500k slow burn is writing itself, really.

(regardless of amiris' future, i still think irene and hajar have to do a cute romcom romance at some point. their chemistry is off the charts.)

[luckysevenwrites]

We don’t work anymore

Warning this is not a happy fic and does not have a happy ending. Johnny and y/n have been having relationship problems and it all comes to a head when y/n comes over to see Johnny to talk about their relationship. 

             Resting your head on the steering wheel of your car you try and stop the tears that are forming behind your eyelids. Everything is a mess, and you don’t know what to do. One moment you are happy and excited to spend every day with the person that you thought was the love your life and the next you are spending more time coming up with reasons to avoid them. This was not how you saw your relationship with Johnny going. When the two of you had started dating it was fun and filled with smiles and laughter. He would send you funny videos in the morning wishing you a good day and telling you how he couldn’t wait to see you. You would send him random text or meme’s just because and he always thought they were funny.

           Now everything was different. The morning videos had stopped, you often times would hold back sending him a text and if plans were canceled you two would go days without talking or trying to reschedule. You wish that you could say what the reason was behind the indifference the two of you seem to have about your relationship. If you two had a fight that could be something that you could work through, but you haven’t even spent enough time with each other to even fight. Instead, you two just don’t connect anymore.

           The rapping on your window causes you to jump and you turn to see Johnny standing outside your car, peering in at you. He’s not smiling but at least he’s not scowling either. He looks concerned. You’re sure that he is wondering what you are doing here and why you were resting your head against your steering wheel. He wasn’t expecting you, then again it used to be fine, you just showing up because you wanted to see him. Unlocking your car, you push open the door causing Johnny to step back as you exist your car.

           “Are you okay Y/n? I didn’t know you were coming over tonight?” Johnny looks you over and you wonder if he can tell, if he knows.

           “I wasn’t planning on coming over, I sort of just ended up driving over here,” you admit as you avoid making eye contact with him, “can we talk, we need to talk.”

           “Sure,” Johnny reaches out for your hand. You pull back like his touch will burn you and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

           “Seriously Y/n what is going on?”

           Trying to keep the tears from spilling over you bite your bottom lip and look up at Johnny. You can see the million questions that are going through his mind. He’s probably going through ever worst-case scenario that he can come up with and trying to decide with one is the one that you committed.

           “Can we go inside and talk, please?” You plead hoping that he’ll drop it for now and wait until you are in his room where the two of you can talk in private.

           “Okay, lets go inside,” Johnny doesn’t try to reach for your hand this time. Instead, he turns and waits for you to join him at his side before heading inside.

           The two of you don’t speak as you make your way to his room. The place is quiet the rest of the members must be out or in someone’s room either watching a movie, playing video games, or just relaxing. You’re glad that you don’t run into any of them you’re not sure if you could handle seeing them and them seeing you like this. When Johnny pushes open his door, he moves to the side waiting for you to enter before shutting the door and heading to his desk chair. Taking a seat Johnny leans forwards resting his arms on his thighs looking up at you with concern. You stay standing in the middle of his room watching him.

           He’s perfect you think. You care about him and it’s so much more than just good looks. When the two of you had first met you were attracted to him because he was handsome and confident. Once you got to know him you realized there was more to him then good looks and a high confidence. He was caring and funny. He had his moments of doubt just like anyone else and he wasn’t afraid to show you that side of him. He became more to you than just the good-looking guy you hung out with.

           “I don’t even know where to start,” you admit.

           “Starting with why you look like you’re about to break into a million piece would be good. Did someone hurt you?” Johnny hesitantly asks.

           “No, no, no one has hurt me. Actually, I’m the one who has hurt someone.” You choke out as the tears that you have been fighting back finally work their way out.

           You try to stop them and try to push forward and tell Johnny what he needs to hear but you can’t get the words out. Your tears turn into sobs and you’re gasping for breath. Johnny quickly stands and pulls you into his chest. His wraps his arm around you and starts to rock you back and forth as you start to cry harder. You grip his shirt and pull him in closer to you. Hoping that the tears will stop, and you can explain what is going on. Johnny somehow manages to move you both to his bed. He cradles you in his arms as you continue to cry.

           “Just breath okay, just focus on that right now,” Johnny softly tells you while rubbing circles into your back. You want to tell him to stop being so nice to you, that you don’t deserve to have him holding you like this and showing concern for you.

           “Everything is messed up. None of it is right,” you hiccup as you start to gain control over your tears.

           “What do you mean?” Tucking his chin into his neck Johnny pears down at you. Pushing away and up from Johnny’s chest you sit up but don’t move out of Johnny’s lap.

           “Come on Johnny, look at us. This is the closest we have been with one another in weeks and it’s because I was crying and am a complete mess. Otherwise, can you honestly say that you would be holding me in your lap right now if I hadn’t come here and broken down?”

           Johnny won’t make eye contact with you and you can see the muscle ticking in his jaw. He knows that you’re right. Things between the two of you haven’t been good in a long time. He can’t remember the last time that he held you in his arms. There use to be a time that you were the only person that he wanted to spend his time with. When had that changed? When did he suddenly become okay with not being able to remember the last time you two spent time together that you were close with one another?

           “I don’t know,” he admits, “I know things haven’t been good between the two of us, I guess I just never realized how much it was upsetting you.”

           You push out of Johnny’s lap and start to pace back and forth in his room. Running your hands through your hair you look up at the ceilings. Letting out a groan of frustration you turn back to Johnny who’s watching you closely from his spot on the bed. Part of you wants to turn this all on him and blame him for the way things are. If only he had said something about you no longer randomly messaging him. Or if he had question why you stop coming over maybe things would be different. The thing is though this is on you as well. You stopped inviting him over to your place, you never asked why he stopped sending you morning videos. You both stopped caring.

           “I didn’t know it was upsetting me until tonight. I knew too that things weren’t good between us, but it didn’t become a problem until tonight,” you move to sit next to Johnny taking his hand in yours, you let it all out, “tonight when I was out with my friends a guy approached me and asked me to dance. I said yes and then we started talking.”

           Johnny stiffens and you can tell that he’s trying to keep it together to let you finish your story before he speaks, and you hope that he’ll be able to let you finish before he says anything. He pulls his hand out of yours and you let him. Understanding that right now he can’t be touching you. Not while you’re telling him this.

           “He was nice, he made me laugh, made me feel like I was the only person in the room. I hadn’t felted like that in a long time, like I was wanted. Then he leaned in to kiss me, covering Johnny’s mouth before he has a chance to speak you quickly push on.

           “I didn’t kiss him,” you drop your hand when Johnny pulls back. He doesn’t say anything, and you continue on, “the thing is though I wanted to. I wanted to kiss him so badly. I wanted to remember what it feels like to be kissed by someone who wants you. I don’t remember what it feels like to be wanted by someone and he was giving that to me. And it would have been so easy to let him kiss me. But I couldn’t do that to you.”

           “Y/n,” Johnny’s voice cracks and you want to hold him and never hear that sound in his voice again. You just don’t know if he’ll let you touch him. “I never wanted us to end up like this and I’m glad that you didn’t cheat on me, but it still hurts. Knowing that you almost did, that you could have.”

           “I know, I left as soon as it all happened. I care about you Johnny and I think that I will always care about you. It’s just that we don’t work anymore, and I think we’re both hanging onto to something that isn’t there anymore.”

           Reaching out for your hand Johnny pulls you in close to him and rest his forehead against yours. You close your eyes and just take in the feeling of Johnny’s hands in your and his forehead touching yours. This is the last time that you’ll be with him you know that. Things have been over between the two of you for a long time now. Your both just finally realizing that you haven’t been a couple for a long time. Squeezing your hand Johnny pulls away to press a kiss to your forehead.

           “I didn’t think this was how we were going to end up, you’re the first person that I’ve loved,” Johnny admits.

           “I didn’t either and you’re my first too,” standing you walk away from Johnny. There’s no point in dragging it out. It’s better for the two of you if you leave now.

           Pulling open the door you look back at Johnny sitting on the bed. The man who has always been larger than life to you looks small in this moment and it hurts you to see him like that. You don’t want him to hurt but this time you are not going to be able to be the one to help him through the pain. Maybe though you can leave him with some peace.

           “Johnny,” he lifts his eyes towards yours, “someday you are going to find someone you truly love, and it’ll make the pain you are feeling now seem insignificant. And I want that for you.”

           “I want that for you too,” Johnny gives you a weak smile.

           Returning the smile, you leave his room shutting the door behind you, you stare at the door for a few seconds. He will find someone new and you know that when he finds that person, he will forget all about you. You hope that he finds them soon, he deserves to have someone who loves him, and that person isn’t you. Just like he isn’t that person for you. You both deserve someone different.  

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from "Chapter Two: Nine Tribes" in the Bastet breedbook from "Werewolf: The Apocalypse" Part One of Two

You look awful. What happened?

Someone turned my home inside out.

You’re such a pretty kitten, too. I don’t see kittens like you every day. I wonder why.

You don’t see kittens like me every day. When I get done with you, you won’t see anything... anyday.

Maybe it went into the air and never came down. Maybe it went into the ground and never came back up. Maybe someday it’ll show up.

Maybe someday they’ll be back. Personally, I doubt it.

What can be said about a race of individuals?

Does it puzzle you that our natures should be twofold, threefold, yet one?

Do you wonder why the gods, who have decreed a place for each thing, have offered us so many places in one?

I tell you a truth. It is but one of many, but it will serve.

The people kept to themselves, and they respected the land.

Hunters crept into the forests to skin the cats for their beautiful coats, and cats raced through the villages, bearing off children to eat in the night.

Days and nights rang with screams.

When the monsoons came, they carried rivers of blood to the seas.

She was spirited and strong, yet disobedient.

Our lands are cursed!

The serpents’ name is judgment, and they answer the dark calling inside each mortal secret.

Each mortal carries snake seeds inside.

You can do nothing.

I cannot leave my family this way!

It is not your place to change them, or to cleanse their sins.

I do not care about my place!

What can I do? This cannot continue!

If you would make peace, lay with them.

Take wild cats as mates?

Have you decided?

I am wisdom

I am anger

I have the wisdom to call the gods, the anger to fight, and the love to give myself for my people.

The monsoon howled and rain poured down.

We seek out the serpent of corruption and crush its head between our jaws.

She’s slow to rage, but when she does, nothing but total destruction will satisfy her.

They are wiser than their fury suggests.

Listen to them in good spirits and watch the visions they bring.

They bargained their souls away long ago, and cannot be trusted.

It’s said their kind is dead, but I am not certain.

Anything is possible.

It weakens them.

I cannot trust anyone so landless.

They believe they walk alone upon the earth, but they are wrong.

Wise liars and grand tricksters.

Long ago, I’ve heard, they were noble. Not now.

I’ve never spoken to one long enough to learn much, but I’ve heard they keep the sacred places safe.

That is enough to earn my respect.

We are the daughters and sons of the moon.

To anger the jaguar is to turn the jungle against you.

Woe to such a man and his family, for they will slowly starve.

When the whites came, they brought their evil with them.

Vile spirits of disease and mania plagued the humans.

The world went dark.

Their anger was too great.

Many wanted revenge.

Blood must be paid with blood.

But it is just a reflection, nothing more.

What they don’t like, they attack, and they don’t like much.

This peace ended as human settlements and firms began cutting through the rain forests.

Take your demon filth and get out of my home.

Stay, and die.

You take life far too lightly, my friends.

I watch you from far away, but my eyes are too filled with tears for me to dance.

They weren’t strong enough to survive. I’ll drink to their honor, but their dust is not my problem.

Honored brothers, if you need me, I will come.

Where were you when we needed you?

Wandering a trail? How nice.

You’re no longer welcome, brother.

We all do what we must to survive.

If they find happiness in solitude, it is a pleasure I can understand.

Make no mistake; We are older than the pyramids. Older than the Pharaohs.

We were the first. All others are usurpers.

There were gods in those days. If they are gone, I will not weep. We have more freedom without their strictures, anyway.

When need be, we hunted them like rats, but overcome by curiosity, we soon allowed ourselves to become their friends.

Then too proud for our liking. They would have to be punished. And they were.

Great plagues fell upon them.

I will never say we ruled. Why should we rule?

Merely say that we received our due; food, shelter and secrets. Many secrets.

I must say we were impressed.

We defended them in the night.

Slain, or worse yet, turned into blooddrinking ghouls.

This was not, I should add, the worst outcome of the war.

I tell you this secret now, so you will understand our path; We committed sacrilege against ourselves.

You and I suffer today a curse our ancestors earned millennia ago.

There are some shadows that hide secrets too evil for consumption.

Black as midnight, yes?

This is the cost of those endless nights of spying.

We learned secrets that should have been left alone. Worse, we still hunger for them, even now.

Our race is all but vanished, but still we prevail.

One day, we will return to power.

Aside from these gruesome relics, the breed has been extinct for 2000 years.

These ghoulish beasts, now swollen to the size of panthers, live blind in filthy pens.

Occasionally, one might even be allowed to mate with it.

This insult has not gone unrewarded.

A bitter if one-sided war has crept quietly along for nearly 2000 years.

The vampires may receive an unpleasant surprise in the coming decades.

Surprisingly, they have never fled their homeland despite their setbacks and ancient enemies.

Perhaps it’s pride that keeps them rooted to Egyptian soil, or maybe it’s something more.

Some outsiders claim there’s a mystical connection between the tribe and their motherland.

Weird magical rites, including experiments with vampire blood and enchanted human “hosts,” have bred feline offspring from human mothers.

Horrifying tales of women giving birth to cats in Cairo delivery rooms attest that such experiments are occasionally. . . successful.

Only time will tell.

Better death than the serpent’s kiss.

If there’s a viper in your soul, purge it.

The road we walk is treacherous enough alone.

Noble, I’ll confess, but hopelessly rural. They favor their wild sides too much to be as enlightened as they would believe.

Savage, bloodthirsty monsters. How I would love to have one or two around for errands!

It’s said that their kind is extinct, but being “extinct” myself, I find that difficult to believe.

I’ve heard a great deal about them, but they keep to their land and I to mine.

Too obtuse for my tastes.

If their chattering held wisdom, I would gladly listen.

Obnoxious louts who deserve to be shaved. Some day soon, they will be. I’d be pleased to do the honors. Perhaps I shall.

They make lovely pets if you convince them they’re free.

Kid, we don’t just collect secrets, we are secrets.

There’s a lot of folks who’d put us in chains — real ones and magic ones — if they knew we were still breathing, so listen close while I tell you a fairy tale.

It’s important, kid, so shut up till I finish.

A long time ago, the world was a dream. No, I’m not being cute — it was. All our kind were dreamed into existence.

Have you ever seen a dream walking? Well, take a look in a mirror, kid.

Those cold folks needed some company.

Well, those cold hearts turned on us soon enough.

We can be a nasty folk when we set our minds to it, and those who danced with us set themselves apart.

Our secrets got out.

I doubt they did it under their own power.

But we did survive.

There was a price. There always is.

We stay underground. Way underground.

You remember what I said about our ties to passion?

So keep your head down, kid, and never say what you are.

As usual, the legends lie

Messages are hidden in lyrics and chord structures.

Come in with laughter, leave in tears and always keep ‘em guessing

The locals still lock their doors on that night, and no one dares to go a-spying.

She may return to her old ways eventually, but cannot settle into any role for long.

Elusive as they are, they love digging up dirt about others.

Such clothes allow them to be their flamboyant selves and get away with it.

Art is the expression of a dream. And dreams, my friend, are what we are at heart.

Oh, yeah, a lot of help they were when we were stuck.

Shut up, hothead.

At least you’ve still got your own name.

Oh, yes it is fun to play in the dark, but you have to come up for air eventually.

Brutal and mean.

I respect their courage, but lighten up, guys!

Wise. Very wise. When one speaks, listen up.

Damn thing outran my car.

Must be nice.

[oloreaa]

OK REA, well, OK! I’m crying my eyes out and my heart is overflowing with love for VEN 17. Uhhh hm I was a goner at “Elana realized that [Bean] was giving her many little clumsy kisses in her forehead, which made her shake even more” so you knowww,, when EVERYTHING ELSE HAPPENED IT WAS LIKE GETTING SNIPED. You didn’t give us getting crumbs, you were throwing just,, handfuls of diamonds at us I don’t even know where to start here... but #1 I have to get this off my chest, I AM DYING to give Elana a hug and just let her have a cry in peace!!! F*kk “The Galaxy” for being a place where people are forced to be familiar with death!! I’m so sorry everyone has to fight for their homes and for their loved ones and that’s just the way that life is but it’s NOT what they deserve and Least Of All Elana and I get that they’re tryna help but NO ONE is Letting her grieve how twisted that is!!! (Um Down With the Republic, Frog Lady for Chancellor idk). Elana wishing for a mask so she can hide her feelings? Elana trying not to rely on Bean to make her feel better so he doesn’t have to carry any of her pain? Elana Who Is So Freaking Honest and Righteous She Says What’s On Her Mind Even When She’s Worried It Will Get Her In Trouble?? (I mentioned I was crying right?) Elana “But She Did Not Have Anyone” Lissiri has ME OK,, Ok that being said,,, Din... the Din you wrote in this chapter... I have more respect for him than I do for anyone I have ever met,, holy shit...ok: “Mando was careful in placing a hand down in the grass beside her...’You did well,’ he said quietly, ‘Not many would have been able to do what you have done’”, the HAND on the SMALL OF HER BACK, umm leaning against the door frame helmetless and barefoot ok I almost passed out, (ELANA BEING EVEN MORE TERRIFIED BY HIS HUMANITY!! IN THIS ESSAY I WILL...), greeting Bean with so much obvious affection, handing Elana a bowl of soup!, Not Pushing Elana to Talk But Admitting To Omera He Was Worried, gently touching Elana’s scarred wrists obviously is like a Hozier song in it of itself, OK but the reason I respect This Din more than life is bc he refuses to let the guilt eat Elana alive—he’s keeps checking in with her over and over and making sure she’s seeking help (even if it’s not from him) and inviting her to reframe her experience so it doesn’t kill her Even when she runs from him and even when she won’t speak to him and even when she snarls at him and intentionally hurts him, instead of running and letting her sort it out alone, he continues to stand by her and encourage her and support her choices. That Din,,, I’d trust him with anything...Anyway I’ve started saving a list of my favorite quotes from Ven on my phone if u wanna know, let me know but if I keep writing while I’m emotional you’re gonna have an 8k comment on your 8k chapter so instead let’s have some MEMES, today’s flavor is Jane Austen, bon appetit:

Edward Ferrars chops wood in the rain bc this type of work “allows someone to relieve their feelings”... not saying someone should give Elana an axe but 👀

Now the obligatory P&P (2005) set:

Every time Din’s hands curl at his sides bc he wants to touch Elana and prove that these hands, these hands that have done so much damage could never treat her with anything less than reverence, but he’s not allowed, he doesn’t deserve it and he shouldn’t want it but he wants to prove that he’s become a better man,,,

Then,

Hmmm “An unspoken shift, of something that both of them could feel, something that was—”

And finally some Emma (2020), Din ripping off the beskar and trying to understand what just happened in this conversation

I hope you’ve enjoyed this round of Ven memes,, Elana deserves her own post so I’ll come back soon! Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us! You literally deserve the Milky Way <3 I hope you get some good rest and treat yourself to some delicious snacks and some heartwarming Rat Boy fics!

OKAY FIRST OF ALL I WAS BLOWN AWAY BY THIS OMG🥺🥺🥺🥺 you're the best AAAAAA i am in awe of this!!

I'm so glad that you liked this chapter so much, seeing all the things you point out, MY HEART, we all can agree that Bean provides her with the snuggles, though🥺 (and when they get their shit together, Din might also provide snuggles)

FROG LADY AS CHANCELLOR I am absolutely down with this concept and you have a galaxy brain, so MUCH in Star Wars would be solved if Frog Lady was in charge😭😭

Elana definitely needs some downtime and some peace and quiet, and there will be a lot of calmer moments in the next one, I promise! She will get some rest🥺

HOO BOY Din was unbelievably fun to write in this chapter and it was GLORIOUS to finally have everything laid bare, and yes👀👀 him sans armour was one of my favourite scenes, and DGDHDH babe Hozier song??? Don't mind ME crying omg🥺😭😭❤ I am beaming right now you're too kind!

LMAOO the "back pedalling away from Cara's hookup" had me cackling, I was wondering how many had picked that one up💀💀💀

GIVE ME ALL THE VEN MEMES DHDHDHD oh my gosh the P&P fits too perfectly omg😭

Thank you so much for this absolutely amazing ask, I am just???? Blown away by the detail and this made me laugh so much, I absolutely adore you oh my gosh!! Please have my undying gratitude, thank you so much!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #348

“nothing will be free  /  nothing will be done  /  black out the sun”

Do you have any famous relatives? My third or so cousin is the author of Not Without My Daughter, but she's not like a smash hit or anything that most people know. I really do recommend the book, though. It's a long read, but a beautiful, true story. Do you care about celebrity gossip? Nah. Have you ever failed a science course in high school? No; I was very good at science. What’s your favorite breakfast food? Cinnamon rolls. Does your house have a basement? No. No house I've ever lived in has had one. Do you like Hot Topic? Well duh. Do you think imagination is valuable? VERY! Just imagine how many incredible things wouldn't exist without it. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? Unspeakably happy, and I felt like I was building a future with someone. I felt like I had purpose, which I should mention to anyone reading is a mindset to NEVER adopt. No one gives you purpose; you're born with it. How much weight can you lift at once? Ha, not a lot. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want a black one with faux snow on the branches, then maybe red ornaments. Kinda look like blood dripping off. Sounds metal. Name three YouTube channels you’ve been loving lately. Lately, John Wolfe, The Dark Den, and Aim To Head Mix. Have you ever bought a designer purse? No. Do you wear jewelry often? No. What color was your senior prom dress? Black. Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Jason's older brother is colorblind to two colors, but idr which. Would you ever consider a career in writing? I'd love to. What was your first favorite color? Red. What do you think about horror movies? I love them. If you love them, what’s your favorite? I really enjoy The Crazies and both The Blair Witch Project movies. Oh, and of course Silent Hill. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I don't have the money to get anyone presents... and while I sometimes get ideas about something I could make someone, then it wouldn't be fair to the rest of my family if I don't make them something, too. What’s your favorite word and why? I really like the sound of "serendipity," as well as its meaning. It's just a pretty, nice word. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Not really... I think the coolest thing I made was when I put the clay heart I made in Art into a shadowbox, and a poem I wrote was in the background. It was a gift for Jason. I remember working really hard on the whole process and being really happy with it. I don't want to know what he's done with it since. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? I don't know. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? Everyone knows about Venus' terrarium by now... Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? No. Ever done drugs? No. Tell me one of your worst habits. Catastrophizing. I take a tiny seed of something potentially bad, and in seconds it's a damn redwood tree. And I do mean "in seconds." What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I don't know, I don't have any particularly unique ones, I think. If you game, what type of headset do you use? I just use earbuds. Do you think you would be a good therapist? You know, it's funny, I've actually pictured myself as one a few times, given my level of understanding and empathy for people, as well as how deeply I want to see others succeed and spread the word that recovery from things like depression is very possible. I've never truly entertained the thought, though, given I'm quite sure I legally couldn't be given my suicidal past and mental illnesses. There is also NO way I could listen to so many people's suffering and manage to stay healthy myself, so, no therapist position for me, thanks. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? Creamy, 100%. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Roman has an adorable navy one with a bowtie. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? Old friends, sure. What is something you want to begin learning? I want to improve my ability to perform what in therapy is called "opposite action," where you do the opposite of what your depression (or other conditions) make you want to do. It always helps me feel good, like when I draw even when I don't initially feel like it, but it's rough to really force yourself to do it. What is a food you find comforting when you are sad? Ice cream is my comfort food. What is a quote you find comfort in? There are really a lot, but none come to mind immediately, gah. What is one Tumblr blog you really appreciate? I actually haven't been on my main Tumblr in months, but oh my god there is a Markiplier blog called "lady-raziel" and she is FUCKING HYSTERICAL. The meme quality is A+. What is a comfort movie/show for you? When I actually liked watching movies, I enjoyed watching Silent Hill when I was down. That whole franchise just makes me so happy. What is a recent creative project that you are proud of? That I'm PROUD of, idk. I'm not that happy with the last drawing I made, and I haven't done any serious writing lately that I find noteworthy. What is a video game that you find comforting? Shadow of the Colossus is probably #1. I find it so relaxing while equally epic as fuck. The soundtrack is to die for, and after playing it a billion times, it's pretty easy for me to kinda breeze through and just enjoy myself. Do you know how to bake bread? If so, what is something you’ve baked recently? No. Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest? THE MOUNTAINS!!! Particularly in the woods IN the mountains! Are you closer to your mother’s or father’s side of the family? Mom's. I don't even remember anyone from Dad's. Have you ever been in a “perfect relationship”? I thought so. Have you ever lost a fingernail or toenail? No. Were you a Disney or Nickelodeon kid? I preferred Disney. Have you ever been inside a jail/prison? No, and I don't plan on it. Have you ever dated a guy with a beard, mustache, or goatee? Jason had a goatee usually. He'd go clean-shaven sometimes. Did you ever name your stuffed animals? I named every single one I got as a kid. Now I don't, really, unless they're really special. What’s the name of the person who cuts your hair? I'd rather not share, given her name is very unique. Do you like cheeseburgers? Yes, they're one of my favorite foods. Do you have a Flickr? Yes, but I don't use it anymore. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Do you drink milk? Yeah, I love milk. Where was your FB display pic taken? My room. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yeah; white rice. My dumb ass didn't realize it had JUST come off the stove. My tongue hurt literally for weeks. Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? No. Do you own any CLOTHES from Victoria’s Secret? Er, are undergarments not clothes? But I know what you mean. No. What are your grandfathers’ names? William and... I can't remember Dad's dad's name. Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Well yeah. Are you against seances? I don't know if I believe in them being effective, but either way, they seem like a bad idea. Even risking luring a negative energy/spirit to you is something I'd stay away from. Do you own any superhero shirts? No, just Harley Quinn ones, some with the Joker on them, too. I need to toss 'em though because I am like, violently against romanticizing their abusive relationship. I used to just like them as a story character couple, but I got to a place where it just seemed... wrong to "glorify" it by wearing merch and stuff. What band has the best guitar solos? Metallica, durrrr. Who is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met? Can you believe that would be my former best friend? Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I've never had an animal in my path. Have you ever grown your own herbs? No. Do you like kissing in public? If you're my serious s/o, I could care less, so long as it's a simple peck. I'm not making out in front of people. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don't know. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I don't know. I'm lonely and love feels amazing, but I need to get my life on track before I can be a good partner to someone and not just dead weight. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Huh, funny, he's the one that walked away. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Uhhh that would depend on how serious we are, where we are, and just what mood I'm in. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? ugh What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? also ugh What’s your dirtiest secret? TMI AHEAD. Probably receiving oral while bare-ass naked on the chaise in the living room while we were home alone. Or having sex in my sister’s bed. Oops. Would you ever get lyrics tattooed on yourself? Yeah. I already do, anyway, and I plan on getting another. Can you photoshop images well? I'm decent at it. Where did you last drive to? Mom and I went to go get our Covid vaccines today. What’s the first verse of the last song you listened to? "I don't know what we're supposed to be, but I know we lost it along the way to something better, something so much more than pleasure that we seek, so blind inside to fill these holes left by these lies that we tell to ourselves as we manufacture our own hell." What do you hear right now? The aforementioned song: "BLACKOUT" by 3TEETH. What was the last thing you laughed about? This is so fucking immature lmao but when we were driving earlier, we passed a gas station that had a sign that was advertising Coke, but due to space limitations, it abbreviated to "2 liter Cok" and I cackled like a child. Mom laughed harder than I did. Do you know any gay people personally? Ye. What was the last thing that startled you? I think it was a car hoonking at somebody the other day. What was the last thing to make you even remotely sad? Today's been a kind of rough PTSD day thanks to Facebook. My old high school friend had her beautiful daughter, a childhood friend just got married the other day, another friend is due to have her baby in just a couple weeks... It's just weird but even more painful to know it was the life I once fantasized about with a guy that just dropped me and made a break for it. I hate admitting that there's this deep, deep bitterness in me about it, like he took my life away from me, even though that's of course very unfair to say. I don't want to talk about this anymore, so moving on with my day.

[theyearsiturnedintoaghost]

Hello, Is This Thing On?

Hi! (as mentioned above). Do people still use this thing? I have no idea. Years ago, and I do mean YEARS ago, I had one of these. I didn’t use it for much, just reposting things, following humans I’d met in online communities, a ‘celebrity’ here or there, sometimes screaming about shit I couldn’t control into the void that is the endless scrolling interweb, and being pointless in wasting my time between classes, work, and twenty-something. Regardless, my previous tumblr had minimal followers, made minimal impact, and that was okay. It was honestly just a nice place to sort of hide in plain sight. Still be part of a social world without actually having to do much. This was also pre a billion other apps and social media outlets to express yourself or scroll mindlessly at a million other pointless things that people were posting to make you giggle or even just stop for a second and think.  

Clearly, the point of this, back then, felt like something I would use to help propel my writing career. Turns out, it did not. I did not write much, if at all. And most of the time I think it was because I was scared nothing was as good as any of the other stuff I was reading from people I liked, and thought were so much cooler and smarter than me; I still feel this way all of the time, but I do realize this was me being nervous, small minded about myself, and completely unconfident.  

Unfortunately, I am still most of these things a lot of the time, but recently, after getting fired from a job, having my heart broken by pretty much everyone on the planet, especially a few specific people, cancelled by all of my friends (?) - this is a thing btw. (It’s not as awful as being cancelled publicly, but it does still ruin your life, mindset, confidence, and overall physical and mental wellbeing) Getting a new job, hating it and feeling like I was going no where, and missing out on living a life I felt proud of and that I was actively participating in, I decided maybe I should just try to write it all out and see what happens. 

To be frank, I expect nothing of this. I can’t fathom a world where anything I have to say truly matters to people because lets be real - everyone has this own shit and everyone is going through so much all of the time.  And we all think we have something new, quirky, interesting, and important to say.  And in a world that constantly shoves perfection down our throats and works so hard to make each of us feel completely inadequate to every Kardashian, Beyonce, Grande, etc., it’s hard to really think that anything I have to say will matter to anyone; at all. 

(I also hate that all of my ‘perfectionist’ people were female, but maybe it’s harder to compare to Golden Boys when you are a female. Either way, there are many boys/men/theys/thems that are put on a pedestal and made out to be perfect out there, as well, and they deserve that notation as well. I just have no points of reference off the top of my head, so please forgive me; I am trying to do this in a stream of consciousness type thing.)

I mean, the truth is, I’m a fucking mess. I’m 33, single, living at home, afraid of my own shadow most of the time, and spend about 98% of my time alone. I pay for a phone plan that I literally only use to send memes to my two sisters, and that’s about it. I rarely receive texts, invites out, or even calls to make plans for something.  And while a lot of this is my own doing - again, I did cut off most of the world after I realized I was sort of the joke to a lot of people - it’s still kind of pathetic, and entirely uncool.  I am not a socialite, or someone cool and trendy, and to be honest, I kind of never want to be.  

Which is a semi-false statement, because years ago, when I had one of these previously, I sort of hoped it would work out and that I could write and be ‘cool.’ Whatever the fuck that means.  But now, years later, I’m honestly beyond glad I am not cool; not in the slightest. Maybe that’s making it to your 30s? Maybe the trade for having to create a daily routine of lathering up my body with like 9 different versions of FDA-Approved-Vampire-Juice on my skin to prevent me from looking any older than I already do, you in turn get to have a brain that finally realizes... having a ‘normal’ life is honestly pretty cool? Normal is clearly subjective here as everyone is normal, famous, notoriety, or not; They’re all still humans and people with feelings, thoughts, and emotions. This is a hard thing to realize when you see stadiums full of people screaming at Harry Styles (Boom! found a male perfect in this scatterbrain) or hundreds of paparazzi lined up to take photos of every person on a red carpet wearing clothing that costs as much as my student loan debt (Which sidenote, is VERYYYYYY much). It’s hard to fully realize that maybe some of those people who became ‘icons’ never really knew what they were getting into when they signed that deal with the Devil to make them seemingly immortal; especially in a world with the internet where everything can exist forever (or until the world explodes, clearly).  But maybe getting into my 30s and removing myself from most social media outlets, even listening to the news, or caring about whatever fucking popular haircut was in this season (it’s always bangs, and I’ve already made that mistake. No thanks), that I learned to realize - the truly most important people in your life are the ones that stick with you when it’s tough. When getting out of bed is so hard your limbs ache and you cry every morning on your way to work, at your desk behind your computer screen hidden in a corner, or in a bathroom stall during your lunch break. The normalcy that comes with realizing your prayers to ‘just make it to five o’clock,’ are heard and that you are just so thankful for that that you don’t even desire the innate feeling in most of our egos to stand out, be seen, ‘Make it’ in a way that lets people notice we ‘succeeded.’ Maybe this only comes with the realization of how nice it is to go to a grocery store braless and unnoticed. 

Maybe this is also something I, and so many of us in this point and shoot viral world, are trying to still learn. 

Sure, a lot of days I still crave being able to make a perfect Pintrest project, practice my Late Night interview with Letterman where I sound funny, charming, and likeable to all walks of life, or recreate a recipe from the New York Times website so great that The Barefoot Contessa finds out through word of mouth, and comes to my basement hide out, and offers to give me, a fellow barefoot loving bitch, her title and crown along with a glass of wine and a kiss from her husband, Jeffery. We’ll both laugh at how lovely it feels to be Barefoot ladies who understand that wanting ‘fame’ or ‘recognition’ in your twenties is only really a pathway to destruction by your 30s. 

And this is not exactly something that I learned easy.  In fact, I spent most of my twenties destroying my body with drugs - plenty of hard ones - and alcohol - various kinds of the same things - in order to numb my brain from the sadness that is just... being young, lonely, scared, unsure of yourself, and nervous that all of your hopes and expectations for yourself in your ‘dream life’ are too much for what you and your actual self will ever be capable of ever becoming. That I would never become the comedian I dreamed of being, or sing the perfect song in front of a crowd of admirers, or write that best selling book to tell everyone who thought I was nothing they could go fuck themselves. It’s something I still have to remind myself, and my brain and ego, that are most likely things I will never do because those are lottery dreams.  And people you know don’t actually win the lottery. And at the end of the day, I am people you know. And sometimes it breaks my own heart to realize I may never feel that rush of making a crowd laugh, or creating a piece of art that makes someone feel seen, but as Pam, from The Office said, and I am paraphrasing, ‘there is beauty in ordinary things.’ And I think reminding myself of that as I sat on the beach this summer and watched a dad teach his son to surf, and how happy they both were when he got up, gave me that brief feeling of... being okay. I won’t lie, I did cry a little at this realization at that moment, and I am slightly teary now as I write it, but I think I’m not ashamed of that because being normal means I get to feel things as I do, in that moment, and that is something I think I lacked in my desiring-bigger-flashier- twenties; actually being present in the world and your place in it. Even if that is just as small as being kind to a random person on the street.

I think that is why everything I felt I wanted to write never came out correct.  It never came out ‘Perfect.’ And that was my problem for most of my life, even up until today, I’m afraid that I am a perfectionist in the ways that are preventing me from becoming... me. I’m still fearful that I am too late in ever ‘accomplishing’ anything I ever dreamed. I doubt I will ever actually write a book. I’m unsure I’ll ever make a decent living. I am beyond doubtful I am ever going to be loveable to someone whom I also want to love back. And maybe I’m a little scared that I’ll never have a kid, or that if I do have a kid, I’ll never be a decent parent. And I’m still working on breaking the cycle of thinking something has to ‘sound’ or ‘be seen as important’ to be meaningful. There is beauty in the ordinary. I’ve started to make it my mantra. Spoken in my head every time I see a teenage couple holding hands walking in town, a father holding their baby close to his chest, a woman dressed in a power suit striding through an office building or city on their way to make their own careers or push equality further. I’ve started to dream of how actual normalcy makes the real changes. How every 4th grade teacher has a chance to change some kids life.

Clearly, a lot of these personal fears I have about myself not being ‘enough,’ or doing something good enough to become successful at it and build a life out of it, are monotonous fears and privileged middle-class complaints. I’m aware they may not resonate with anyone, anything, or mean much more than just being an online public diary entry to my own meandering thoughts, but, still - I finally felt like I had to try.  

So here it is, the whole truth on how I let myself become a ghost for years. 

I hope someone will stick around while I just... try to explain it all, figure it all out, and hopefully make sense out of even being whatever a human who is hoping to grow even means. Hopefully, something here will resonate with someone else and we can create our own little weirdo corner of the world where we’re not seeking more than just trying to be honest with ourselves and what it means to be human.  Even if that means just posting a recipe for banana bread (thank you Gwen Steffani for keeping me able to spell Banana), reposting random memes about how we all want to scream for 30 seconds and feel better, or sad-girl diary entry posts about how I ruined my own life a million times over.  Oh, and maybe I’ll give you tips on how to stain your wood deck, because I spent my day doing that yesterday and basically, Home Depot is calling me to be in their ADs. 

But at the core of it all, lets be very real, it’s hard to be human in so many ways. And I’m just hoping this connects with anyone. Especially any of us who wished we were different - in any way.

xoxo

-K

[quakerjoe]

"Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that 1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and 2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "