#anyway I'm not very close with anyone at work so I'm Afraid of what might happen if one of them got me Really Going...........

[microsuedemouse]

god fucking help me if anyone at work startles me in the next few days bc I will 100% be lost in thought about Turtles and the chances of me thereby accidentally squawking some piece of Turtle lore at them are also very high

[yanderemommabean]

Oh, oh, oh! Yandere virus, but it one day coming into school, the girls who normally bully you are acting strange. When you see them in the hallway, you are expected to be laughed at or shoves to the ground. However, you didn't expect to be shoved against the wall as they stare you down with a dangerous and lustful glint in their eye, telling you about all the plans they have in store for you. They force you to wear matching clothes and make sure everyone knows who you belong to and not to even try anything. Maybe you're forced to live in the house. Bonus if the other hold you down as the ring leader eats you out, as the others tell you how cute you are uwu

“Ah ah ah. You aren’t going anywhere” A voice chirps in your ear. You wince, sighing as the three surround you once again as class is dismissed and everyone heads to the dorms for the evening. Honestly, if you were perhaps a bit stronger, a bit less self conscious, you might spit in their faces and make a run for it. Sadly, you aren’t some badass (and admittedly, one dimensional) character and are frozen in place as they wait for the others to leave. 

They don't intervene. They know better. These young women have power, wealth, and beauty in their arsenal, and aren't afraid to use it to get what they want, and to silence anyone who complains. Phoebe, Sadie, and Naomi, all from powerful families who more or less run this college and the town. You don't doubt they paid the administrators and dean to get into this place, while you had to work hard and prove yourself. 

None of that matters at the moment. Currently, Phoebe was twirling her fingers in your hair like you two were close friends or even dating, smiling almost wickedly at you as her eyes, usually hazel, now with an odd pink ring, stare at you like you were some prey about to be eaten and devoured. Usually they just shove you around and make fun of your clothes, but today…Something's off. Very very off. 

“Isn’t she so cute you guys?” She says, sickly sweet, you want to say mocking but no, it's like there’s something more flirtatious with it. “Oh definitely, I just want to sink my teeth in her, you know? Make her whimper” Naomi adds on, hand to her cheek as she stares at you like one would a puppy being precious. Oh god hearing that made you think they were about to hurt you or humiliate you in some way. 

Sadie just sighs, not in your direction, looking over her shoulder to make sure the halls were clear, and once they were truly empty of everyone else, she made sure the grip on your wrists were tighter. “Listen up. We have some new rules set in place, and you, adorably obedient as you are, are going to follow them”. Oh wow. The audacity. Then again you never really put up a fight so, are they really wrong? What other choice did you have anyway? If they wanted to, they could make your family kicked out of town and their jobs nonexistent. It’s best to just grit your teeth as best you can. 

While you tried to listen, Phoebe made sure she got closer, her hand on you as well, but more exploring, sliding up and down your sleeve and trying to dip her fingers into the hem to feel your wrist, dragging them up and down softly as Sadie began to speak again. “You’re ours. Simple as that. No more avoiding the lobby when we’re there, no more trying to get little study dates away from the school library, no more trying to hide from us”. “I'm sorry what-” “Ah ah, she’s not finished cutie” Naomi says with a gentle touch slowly sliding to your waist, her cold fingertips acting like they wanted to slide under your shirt to feel the warmth of your skin, her brown eyes also having that odd pink ring in her iris. “Go on Sadie, she’ll be good and listen. She always is” 

You felt your cheeks grow impossibly hot, words failing you as all three of these girls began to more or less feel you up and tell you that…That you were theirs? Whatever that could mean? Sadie just sighs, more playful this time as she cups your cheek and makes you look at her, the same weird coloration in her eyes. “You’re ours. No more private study dates, no more drabby clothes, no more avoiding food when we’re in the commons or cafeteria, just a lot more rules and a lot more dress code for you. Tsk, I can’t tell if I want you in a skirt, or if I'd stab any bastard who’d look at you when you wear one. Maybe some cute pants? Ugh they’d still lay their eyes on you either way, makes me want to just call mom and have the banks foreclose their houses”. 

“Please Don’t-” “Ah ah, don’t even try it. You’re ours, if we want to punish people for looking at our puppy, we will” Phoebe comments, her fingers moving to hold your hand and give the top of it a gentle kiss. “Speaking of puppy” Naomi mentions, nodding her head towards the others, and before you can blink you’re turned over, face to the wall. You hear Sadie murmur something as she rummages through her bag for a moment, and you feel her hands slide around your throat before something clicks behind your head, and your eyes widen in horror.

“There we go! I made sure it wouldn’t be too tight, the guy who made it for me was such an artist about it, I love it! If he would’ve said no, you know I’d have his business ruined” She mentions casually, getting a few soft giggles in agreement. 

“Here sweetie! Have a look at how cute you are when you show that you belong to us” Naomi says, handing you her phone as a mirror. You feel weak and shaky as your fingers come up to touch the bright pastel pink leather, a metal heart in the center pressing against your throat. You reach around to feel the back and feel a harsh shock to your fingers, making you yelp. 

“Oh, sweetheart, don't try and take it off! It was so expensive but I got a cute one to work as a shock collar. Shower safe but anytime you take one, one or all of us will be with you, so you won't have to worry about taking it off yourself. We’ll talk more about the rules later in our dorm”. You shiver, unable to think of how to talk. What in the fuck could you even say? You just had a designer shock collar put on you by your bullies! Who are now acting like you were their chew toy or pet no less. “O-our dorm?”.

Phoebe nods, gently stroking your hair “Yeah, duh! How else will we keep a better eye on you? Cameras are fine and all but I prefer to make sure you’re warm with one of us sharing a bed with you. Plus, it’s easier to kiss you good morning faster”. “K-Kiss?!” You almost shriek, only for Naomi to softly hush you with a finger to your lips. “Now now, don’t get loud! We don’t need that just yet”. She pouts, hearing her phone going off and checking the time. “Well, we have to split for now, I have a dinner with mom and dad. You two take her to the dorm and tell me how she acts! Don't do anything more pretty please? We said we’d share her”. 

You don't get much out before Naomi heads off, Phoebe and Sadie gripping your arms a bit too firmly to lead you, talking back and forth like you weren’t making a practical death march down to their dorm room. 

Oh God what’s going to happen once that door is shut?

-Mommabean (Hiya! Sorry for lack of smut but I am proud I wrote this much at least lol. If you beans want i can do a part two! Wanted to try and flesh this out before anything too intense ya know? Anyway I hope you like! Lemme know if you do!)

[ghostbeam]

can you feel my heart beating like a hammer? | Dabi/Touya Todoroki

You watch from your spot, shoulders tense as you anticipate the arrival of yet another creepy clown or zombie when you see him.

He’s not like the other actors. He’s not quick with his movements and doesn’t yell or jump at anyone. His terror lies in the fact that he does none of those things, that he stands across from you and stares.

And then he grins.

Your stomach turns but not in fear.

Notes: hiiiiii so this is my scare actor!dabi fic. It’s my halloween/October fic for the month!! I’ve been working on this for a while and I’ve finally finished only five days before halloween lmao. Wanna thank mari for calling me after class that day where we had the same exact thought of this at the same time and I had to pull over to put it in my notes (and also for thinking of this title cause I was struggling) anyways I hope you enjoy!!! thanks for reading!! (Title from help I'm alive by metric) listen to the playlist here!

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, f!reader, explicit content, scare actor!dabi, Dabi is touya (quite literally he is not called Dabi in this at all ajhssjsjjss), sex in public, fearplay (kind of), multiple orgasms, overstimulation (very brief), oral f!receiving, fingering, multiple instances where Dabi rests his hand on ur neck but never chokes u, biting (shoulder, neck), ‘baby’ and ‘angel’ as pet names, use of ‘good girl’, frightening (debatable im not that good) depictions of scare actors and haunts, one description of gory makeup, fake weapons

Words: 5k

You’re scared, terrified actually, and your friends are nowhere in sight.

You’re cold. You’re hungry. A clown with a chainsaw won’t stop following you around, and you just want to go home. 

When you were invited to the local haunted house, your first instinct was to say no. You’d always been afraid of these things, anything with jumpscares, anything not contained in the screen of your television, you decided wasn’t for you. But your friends insisted and explained that the local haunt wouldn’t be anything like any of those expensive theme parks with big productions and highly trained actors. 

But if you were being honest with yourself, it all felt the same to you. It was maybe a little creepier, out in a field in the middle of nowhere, the closest business a couple of miles away, and no background checks for the actors. Uneasiness washed over you the moment you stepped through the wooden gates.

And now you’re alone.

Scare actors are coming at you left and right, all dressed in dark makeup or clown outfits or fake blood, each with their very own faux weapon used for getting just close enough to you without touching. They’re targeting you because you’re scared, you realize because you scream and clutch your head and run in all different directions when they come at you. 

It’s quite the production for a local haunt. It’s eerie, smoke machines pour fog throughout, and music that ranges from creepy carnival tunes to popular horror movie scores blare through worn-out speakers, which add to the effect. The actors are painted with precision or covered in liquid latex and black blood that oozes from fake wounds. You feel like you’re in a horror movie. You might be in one, for all you know, which is what scares you the most

You finally find a moment to calm yourself down, seeking a single moment of peace against a makeshift wall on the outside of a haunted house. 

You take a moment to look around you, out over the sea of people and costumes. You observe the way the actors jump at the attendees, throwing themselves forward or making loud noises, dragging and tapping their fake weapons against the ground. It’s complete chaos, and you thought that seeing it from the sidelines would make it less terrifying for you, but it doesn’t. You don’t want to be here. 

You watch from your spot, shoulders tense as you anticipate the arrival of yet another creepy clown or zombie when you see him. 

He’s not like the other actors. He’s not quick with his movements and doesn’t yell or jump at anyone. His terror lies in the fact that he does none of those things, that he stands across from you and stares.

And then he grins.

Your stomach turns but not in fear. 

He’s not scary, just strange, and oddly handsome too, you think. You don’t smile back, but you keep your eyes on him. You aren’t sure if his smile is part of his act or if he means it. Somehow, both make you uneasy. 

He’s slow as he moves towards you, calculated. His eyes rake up and down your body as he approaches. As he comes closer, you can finally get a good look at his face, smudged with paint over scars that fall underneath both eyes and line his jaw. What looks to be like staples sit in the seam between the marked and unmarked skin, and you can’t tell if they’re part of the costume or if he wears the piercings when he’s not working. You kind of hope he does.

He looms over you, close enough that you can smell a mixture of sweat and cologne on his skin, but not enough to touch you. You think you want him to, though. His eyes are a brilliant blue, almost glowing against the night. 

He’s beautiful. You can tell even hidden under the face paint. His costume is stitched together with yarn at the seams of his shoulders, silver staples that imitate the piercings on his face scatter the stitches. His coat is long and reaches the middle of his calves, and a loose white shirt drapes over his chest. His dark jeans wear the same stitches as his coat, and his dark boots are big, the sound of the soles against the pavement is loud as he steps even closer to you. 

Touya’s never had any particular interest in any of the attendees of the haunt before. Sure, he’s taken girls home who’d bravely slipped their numbers into his pocket or caught him when his shift was over, but no one had ever caught his eye quite like you. 

He’d seen you cowering before his coworkers, running away and screaming, not unlike many of the people around you. But he had noticed you.

And now you’re standing not even an inch away from him, staring up at him with wide eyes and trembling so hard he can almost feel you. You’re adorable. He wants to see you like this underneath him with your back arched, pretty lips parted for him, just for him. 

Your moment is interrupted by the revving of a chainsaw and the dragging of metal against pavement as yet another clown laughs loudly in your ear. You jump, unconsciously moving forward, finding yourself in the arms of the patchwork man you’d been so captivated by. You squeak out a small sorry, but he says nothing, smirking down at you.

Dabi’s heart leaps in his chest. He wants to steal you away, pull you into one of the haunts, and fuck you behind one of the walls. No one would suspect a thing if he covered you in enough fake blood to pass as one of them, making you scream in pleasure against the screams of fear. 

His eyes flicker to your lips before he lowers his hands to your waist, squeezing tightly before backing away from you and leaving you alone without a word. 

…

After another half an hour of running from scare actors and looking for your friends, you finally find them near a food stand, unassuming and completely unaware you’d disappeared.

You sprint towards them, getting good at dodging anyone jumping at you after all of that time alone. Your best friend spots you first, her eyes widening as she walks towards you.

“Where the fuck did you go?” She questions with a drink in one hand that flashes different colors from the plastic light-up ice in the liquid. 

“You guys left me!” You exclaim, “I’ve been dodging those fuckers for an hour alone!”

“We thought you were with us. I promise! We went in that one haunt with the possession scene and when we came out you were gone!” She explains, but you can’t help but feel a little annoyed. You didn’t even want to come out tonight. You’d only said yes because she begged. 

“Did you look for me?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Look,” She begins, “Everything is so chaotic here. Everyone was moving on to the next house! I figured you’d catch up!”

“You suck.” You pout.

“I know I do. I’m sorry!” She pleads. “I’ll buy you something to eat. C’mon.”

She buys your meal and leads you to some of the wooden picnic tables in the small area, the rest of your friends already occupying some of the space. You’re treated warmly as they all throw questions at you about where you went. You resist the urge to act upset or make a scene, explaining that you’d been running around and looking for them while trying to avoid fake chainsaws and machetes. You’re in the middle of telling a story about getting caught in a corner with one of the zombies when your friends start to erupt in a fit of giggles. You pause your story, confused at their sudden reaction when you feel someone blow at your neck.

It only surprises you, all the fear expelled from your body in your hour of terror. You turn to look at the source and there he is again, the patchwork man from earlier. You’re not scared of him, this time, only intrigued. 

He hovers over you, moving and contorting his neck in a way that you assume is meant to be creepy, but it does nothing but amuse you. 

You smile and let out a small laugh, looking up at him through your lashes. Dabi feels his jeans tighten at the way you look up at him, eyebrows pulled up in a pout, leaning closer as he grins. 

“Are you ever gonna tell me your name?” You ask him, eyes flickering to his lips for a moment. He shakes his head slowly, maintaining eye contact while holding a finger to his mismatched lips. You give him yours, but he only stares. You’re once again pulled in by the blue in his eyes, finding yourself wondering if they’re a different shade than the last time you saw him. “Not even if I beg?”

He’ll punish you for that later, Dabi thinks. 

You watch him reach behind his back, still bent over towards your face, readying yourself for what you think might be the fake machete he carried before.

He pulls a single yellow daisy from behind him, clutching it between two fingers as he holds it out to you. You know he must have picked it from one of the patches of green that scatter the field. Your friends giggle some more, whispering things you're unable to focus on at the moment. You look between his painted face and the flower, reaching out to take it from him.

Suddenly feeling bashful, you lean away from him, smelling the flower and twirling it between your fingers. The smile he gives you is genuine.

He leans closer to you, bringing a finger up to his cheek and tapping twice to signal something. He wants a kiss, you realize. It’s against the rules, and he knows this. Scare actors are not meant to touch the guests, and doing so could get them into a lot of trouble. But Touya wants to touch you. He remembers the feeling of you pressed against him when you’d jumped in fear of the clown from earlier. He’d broken the rule then, and he had no problem with breaking it again.

If not for your friends' excited squeals around you, you’re sure you would have frozen. You push yourself forward, placing a kiss to his cheek before you can talk yourself out of it. He smiles wide as you pull away, that creepy grin still on his face as he stares down at you. 

When he stands up, he begins to back away slowly without a word. You watch him walk, clutching a fist over his heart and giving you a giddy smile as he leaves. 

You feel disheartened knowing you might not see him again tonight. You place the flower behind your ear and take your eyes off where he disappeared. 

…

You and your friends stay until closing. As the night goes on, you find yourself getting used to the fear. You think you like it now, adrenaline running through your body as you're chased with chainsaws or reached for through windows inside of the haunts. It’s exhilarating. You understand why people like these so much.

Scare actors are practically chasing people out, running at them with their weapons until they make it through the gates. It’s complete mayhem, especially with the number of people now pushed to the front of the area. 

Amidst the chaos, you find yourself alone again. You search the crowd, avoiding the actors jumping toward you as you make your way through the sea of people. You push through different groups of people until you make it to a small open spot amidst the crowd. It’s there that you see the man from before, jumping at different people who walk by him. He drags his fake machete against the floor and it scrapes with a metallic grinding sound. He’s terrifying, you think. Not to you, but to anyone around him, he must be terrifying. 

He’s tall and imposing, completely silent as he pushes his weapon toward anyone he can reach. He’s fast, too, running up on different people, the sound of his big black boots is loud against the pavement.

You can’t move. You can only stare at him, completely in his element. He’s good at what he does, better and far more intimidating than any of the other actors you’ve encountered tonight. But somehow, you aren’t scared at all, not of him and not in any real way. Maybe you should be, though. 

He turns around, looking around as he walks from his last set of victims before his eyes find you. A smile crosses his face and he lifts a hand, wagging his fingers to wave at you. You avert your eyes in embarrassment that he caught you, even in the crowd of people. 

He stalks towards you, dragging his weapon behind him. He’s menacing, and you can’t help but feel a little afraid of him, wondering if he’ll jump towards you or do something to scare you all over again. When he approaches, you watch him smirk from under his makeup, close enough to see the texture of his skin and the blue of his eyes. He runs a finger down your arm until he reaches your hand, intertwining your fingers and pulling you along with him. 

You know you shouldn’t follow him. This is how people go missing, how people are found in a ditch with their friends crying on the news about how they were just with them. 

But you can’t bring yourself to care. You find him endlessly fascinating, from the way he moves to his dark demeanor. He’s strange and unsettling, but you like it. You want strange and unsettling, contrary to your feelings earlier in the night. 

Dabi can feel your hand trembling in his. He rubs soothing circles with his thumb over the top of your hand. He doesn’t want you to be too afraid of him. He wants you to like him. He’s almost embarrassed by it, seeking the approval of a random girl who visited the haunt. When he looks back at you, your eyes are wide, mouth agape as you let him pull you through the crowd of people. You look at him with curiosity and intrigue more than fear. Dabi feels his heart beat faster in his chest.

He pulls you to one of the haunts, one you went through earlier with a zombie rock band, a ridiculous theme that you remember scaring you the least. Guitar blares through the speakers as you enter, moving the curtains back that cover each entrance. You realize that the place is empty, with no scare actors ready to jump out, no one on the sets or acting out any of the scenes you remember. It’s just the two of you now. 

You feel his arm curl around your waist as he pulls you behind one of the openings in the walls. It’s one of the spaces that the scare actors use to hide in before jumping out at the guests. It’s surprisingly spacious, and there’s a door that must lead outside of the structure or into another room. You don’t have time to ponder it before you’re pushed up against one of the walls, his hands squeezing your hips as he looks down at you with hungry eyes. 

“I’ve wanted to touch you like this all night long. You were so fucking scared.” He speaks, lowering his head to the crook of your neck, and you almost gasp at the sound of his voice. It’s rough, gravelly. It vibrates against your body where he brushes his lips against you. “It was so cute.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling him grin against your skin before licking over your pulse point. You moan, the sound almost swallowed up by the loud eerie rock music reverberating in the makeshift building. Dabi wants to make you louder. He wants you to scream.

“Are you—hah—gonna tell me your name?” You ask him as he continues to kiss your neck. His hands are all over you, squeezing the flesh of your hips, running his hands over your thighs and your arms, hands underneath your sweater, up your skirt. You can’t focus on anything but his hands and his mouth and his hard body pressed up against yours. You almost want him closer, if that’s even possible, tangling your fingers into his hair and arching your body into his. 

You’re sure your neck must be covered in smudgy face paint. His mouth is probably a muddy mess, or maybe all of the paint is gone, but you don’t care. His lips feel good on your skin. He feels good. 

It barely registers that he ignores your question. “What? You’re back to not speaking?”

He’s silent, once again, pulling away from your neck to smile down at you. You were right, the paint is almost completely gone from the bottom half of his face, leaving behind the sight of scars in contrast to the unmarked skin on his cheeks. You’re panting, looking into his eyes as he reveals nothing. He leans forward to kiss you, catching you by surprise even though he was sucking on your neck just moments ago. The kiss is short, with barely enough time to feel his tongue against yours before he pulls away. 

“So mysterious.” You quip, trying to save yourself from the embarrassment of being affected by one kiss. He pulls his long coat from his shoulders to reveal surprisingly muscular arms covered in the same scars and piercings that litter his face. He continues with his vow of silence as he starts to lower himself before you, placing kisses against your chest and your stomach as he falls to his knees. His hands sneak up your skirt. “Oh, fuck.”

He raises the front of your skirt, moving one of your hands to hold it against your stomach. He runs his hands up the front of your thighs, looking up at you through thick lashes, spreading your legs even further apart. He brings a hand forward, pressing the pad of his thumb against your clothed cunt. He gives you a look, and he doesn’t need to speak for you to know what he’s thinking, for you to be embarrassed by how wet you are from just a little groping. 

He moves his hand and leans forward, pulling you by your hips and burying his face in between your legs. You feel his tongue through your underwear, gasping at the feeling, simultaneously too much and not enough. You bury your free hand in his hair as he licks you through the layer of fabric. Your panties are thoroughly ruined, your inner thighs sticky with your slick. He groans against you, tasting what little of you he can through the barrier. He pulls away and rips them from your thighs, wasting no time before he’s in between your legs once more. 

“God!” It’s not his name, but it’ll do. “Fuck, right there!”

He laps at your entrance, completely lost in making you feel good. Every moan he pulls from you only spurs him on, tonguing your cunt like it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted. He thinks that maybe it is. 

You buck your hips against his face, fingers curling into the fabric of your skirt and pulling at his hair as you feel yourself growing closer and closer to your orgasm. He runs one hand up your thigh, pulling away for a moment to slip a finger inside of you. He groans at how much of a mess you’ve become, how much of a mess he’s made you. He adds another finger, watching how easily they slide in and out of you. He looks up at you, silently asking if it’s something you like, and the moan you let out tells him that it is. You nod at him, moving your hips while he moves his fingers in and out of you. 

“Please!” You whine, missing the feeling of his tongue on you. “Need more!”

He slows the movements of his fingers down, pulling another unsatisfied groan from your throat. It’s cute how impatient you are, how he’s reduced you to such a hungry little thing, all for him.

He moves one hand behind your knee, hiking your leg over one of his shoulders and earning a surprised gasp from your lips. His tongue finds your clit again, running tight circles around you as his fingers speed up. 

You grind against his face, closer to the edge than before, moaning at the sensation of his mouth against your entrance. He curls his fingers inside of you and licks over your clit, his motions repetitive and focused as he feels you clench around his fingers. You’re close, and he can feel it, and it’s taking everything in him not to beg you to come for him.

“I’m gonna—” a strangled cry escapes your throat as he brings you to the edge. He slows his movements down as you ride out your orgasm, thrusting his fingers slowly and licking languid strokes over your clit. Hips spamming against him, you have to push his head away from your sex, breathing heavily and running your fingers through the hair falling in his eyes. He’s gorgeous when he looks up at you through a glistening grin. He rises from the ground, bringing the two fingers, now covered in your slick, towards his mouth. You whimper as you watch him wrap his own lips around the two digits, his eyes never leaving yours. He releases them with a sticky pop, surging forwards to capture your lips with his. 

It’s better than the one before, longer, slower. You can taste yourself on his tongue. He slots his body against yours as he deepens the kiss, and you can feel him hard against your thigh. His hands run up your sides, over your breasts up to your sternum. He rests one hand against the front of your neck, gently and not squeezing, just to keep you there against him. He slips his tongue into your mouth while his other hand sneaks up the back of your sweater. He has your bra off before you have any time to think, and then he runs his fingers over your nipples. 

He’s much gentler than you thought he’d be, especially under the circumstances. He has you pressed up against a wall in public. You’re someone he’s only just met, and you know you must not be the first person he’s done this with. 

But he kisses you like he loves you. 

And maybe it’s the adrenaline or the raucous music preventing you from thinking clearly, but you think that maybe he could. Maybe you want him too. 

God, you’re crazy. 

He sucks your tongue into his mouth again and you tug at the strands of hair at the back of his head. Your movements become more frantic as you push your bodies closer together. Twitching hands find the front of his jeans, thumbing the button open and stroking your hand over him. He groans into your mouth, a faint curse as he pushes his hips forward. He bites your lip hard before pulling away from you, pulling a shiny square package from his pocket and releasing himself from the constraint of his underwear. He tears it open with his teeth and rolls the condom on, reaching down to hike your leg back up like it had been before. With one strong hand holding you up from behind your knee, he drags the head of his cock through your folds, pulling another moan from you that you try to suppress in the crook of his neck. 

His lips find yours once more, swallowing the sounds you make as he sinks into you. You arch your back, pushing yourself closer as he stretches you. The stretch is almost too much, even with the mess he’s made of you, but you feel good, full, complete.

He starts slow, long drawn-out thrusts of his hips that drive you crazy. He touches you everywhere, squeezing anywhere he can get his hands on, sucking on your neck, your chest. He kisses over your face, sweet pecks of his lips to your jaw and cheeks. It’s overwhelming, the attention he gives you, the need to put your pleasure before his, to make you feel wanted. You are wanted. 

He’s getting desperate now, speeding up as he moves against you. He reaches so deep, keeping your leg hiked up with your back against the wall. You aren’t gonna last much longer, not with his tongue in your mouth, not with the sound of his own whines meeting your ears as he quickens his thrusts. 

“Please—” You beg, digging your fingers into his hips. You’re so close, clenching around him so tightly he can barely think. His eyes find yours as you feel yourself growing closer and closer to your release, neon blue clouding your vision before you throw your head back against the wall behind you. Pleasure wracks through your body as he pulls you even closer. You fall limp in his arms, feeling him release your leg and pull out of you. You rest your forehead against his as you calm your breathing.

“Think you can give me one more?” The rare sound of his voice startles you. His hand finds the back of your head, pulling away to look into your eyes. Dazed, you nod at him, watching him smile down at you. “Good girl.”

He kisses your cheek, and you let him spin you around to face the wall. You brace yourself against it, two hands flat on the surface as you feel him behind you. He places sloppy kisses against your neck, slowly entering you once more. You gasp, still sensitive from before, but he shushes you, nibbling on your earlobe as he moves in and out of you. 

“Your—hah—your name.” You whine, barely getting the words out as he quickens his pace. He groans behind you, leaning forward to bite your shoulder, thrusting in quick short motions against you. “Please! Fuck! Wanna—”

“You wanna what, baby?” He breathes against your ear. He places a kiss beneath it, peppering more down your neck as he slows down. 

“Don’t! Please don’t slow down.” You beg, pushing yourself against him. 

He leans his large frame against your back, bringing an arm around the front of your chest, resting his hand at the base of your neck. He pulls your back against him, lips brushing against your ear. “Tell me what you want.”

“Wanna—ngh—scream it.” You pant, feeling his thrusts speed up at your admission. “Wanna scream your name.”

“‘Course you do, angel.” He coos, running a hand down the front of your body until it slips up your skirt. You feel his fingers against your clit and gasp, twitching from the sensitivity. It’s too much. You want more. “Call me Touya.”

“Touya!” You cry, letting your head fall back against his shoulder. Touya, Touya, Touya. It sounds perfect falling from your lips. You were meant to say it, meant to scream it just like this. “Wanna come. Make me come, Touya.”

He buries his face into your neck, biting down hard as he speeds up the movements of his hips and his fingers on your clit. You scream, just how he’s wanted you to all night, the feeling of pain and pleasure leaving you dizzy. 

“Gonna—” You choke, moaning his name once again. He groans against your skin.

“I know, baby, me too.” His thrusts become sloppier, feeling himself approach the edge, but not before you. You scream his name one last time, reaching your high just moments before him. He cries out after, pulling your face towards his to kiss you deeply once more. 

Realizing where you are, music still playing loudly through the speakers, your body up against a rough wooden wall, and Touya’s tongue in your mouth, you force yourself to pull away. He moves away from you, taking a moment to discard the condom and pick up your ruined underwear from the ground. You lay your head against the wall, throwing your arm over your eyes and laughing at the absurdity of the situation. 

You think about the feeling of dread from the beginning of the night, how quickly you ran from the men in masks and makeup, the fake chainsaws and knives. And now you’d been fucked by one, one you’d learned the name of just seconds ago. 

When Touya returns, you’ve fixed yourself, putting your bra back on and pulling your skirt down, though you’re still without underwear. He walks towards you, cupping your face with one large hand and looking down at you.

“You okay?” He questions, genuine concern in his cyan gaze. You give him a shy smile and nod. He narrows his eyes before giving you a sly smile. “I need verbal confirmation.”

“I’m okay, Touya.” You tell him, wrapping your hand around his wrist and resting it there. 

“Fuck,” he speaks, “say it again.”

“You should’ve told me sooner.” You say, ignoring the command. He rolls his eyes, kissing your forehead before pulling away. He takes your hand in his and opens the door beside you.

“C’mon let’s get you cleaned up, then I’ll take you home.” He leads you through the door, down a labyrinth of alleys all connected by the various haunts. He looks back at you and shrugs sheepishly. “Sorry. Your friends are probably gone.”

“Probably.” You don’t care, but you should. And you shouldn’t let him take you home. You shouldn’t let him touch your face gently or take you to one of the twenty-four-hour diners nearby after you leave. You shouldn’t give him your number. You shouldn’t let him take you out once, twice, three times. You shouldn’t let him sneak you into a different haunt the next time you visit him at work.

You do anyway. 

[stxrvel]

gym time

summary: you didn't expect to meet someone like Bucky Barnes when you decided to enter the gym, especially since his looks and words were anything but friendly.

pairing: au!bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +1k

warning: uhm, descriptions of bucky working out? some bad words. also i suck at summaries but what i was trying to say is that bucky is very suggestive here, and there will be suggestive conversations iykwim. this chapter doesn't contain too much of that but still minors do not interact!!!!

note: hi guys! um, i dont know what to say. being honest idk why i wrote this when i dont know if i'll ever be able to continue it, i think it was for the joy or fun in it and maybe trying to test new things? i kind of wrote the draft for a second part but i dont think i want this one to be a series, i wanted to see it like a drabble but i got carried away and now there are too many words. but what i do know now is that i will be pleased to write drabbles in a scenario like this, like in this universe or au. if you guys liked this (which i hope so) would you mind sending me what would you like to see next? only time will tell how good i'm doing but i hope i can at least entertain you a little. anyway, looking forward to your opinions and i really hope you like this one! since it's my first time writing in this kind of genre :'(

You were at the gym. It had been barely a week since you had started with the goal of creating a routine in your life, because work was consuming you from the inside out. Coming home no longer felt like it used to, when you still had the fever of being independent and being able to get yourself everything you wanted. Adult life really was a mud puddle compared to what we always thought as kids.

So… yeah, you decided to join the gym closest to your apartment to try to change your bad procrastination habits a bit. Maybe now that you were paying for it with your own money you'd feel more like going, just for the sake of not making the money go to waste. But, hey, it was something.

During that week everything had been relatively fine. You hadn't had any problems with anyone, no awkward comments and you had gotten some workout partners to take turns lifting weights or running on the treadmills with at the same time.

It was honestly becoming your favorite place to be after work.

And, well, of course, there was him.

The man you shared end-to-end glances with at the gym. He never came close, always kept his space, unless he had to use some machine near where you were.

He looked like a decent man… and definitely sexy. But you didn't dare get close even though it seemed to be the only thing the two of you wanted to do. The furtive glances weren't even accidental anymore, you both sought each other out through the masses of air as if it was second nature to you. And that upset you too much because it hadn't been too many days, how could you feel so passionate and heated just sharing glances with a stranger? Within what you didn't know there might be something you didn't like, even.

Anyway, you had to avert your gaze each time before it became too much, but it always seemed like it wasn't enough for the people around you not to notice.

“Why don't you just go talk to him?” Veronica spoke in front of you, waiting for Erika to leave the press to start her series.

You were on the treadmill finishing your routine that day and that man was on the other side of the gym, lifting weights like they were nothing. You had watched him for so long without embarrassment that you had almost memorized every line of his massive arms. And your partners that day had definitely noticed.

“I don't think it's appropriate,” was all you could think of.

Erika snorted, lowering her legs as she put down the weights. “She's afraid the sexual tension surrounding them will suffocate her.”

“Erika!” you scowled at her. “Stop talking nonsense.”

“I'm of the same opinion as Veronica, you should just go talk to him. If it turns out his personality isn't as sexy as his body, you're not going to lose anything and you're going to gain a lot.”

Veronica, who had already settled into the press after Erika cleaned the chair, nodded animatedly at her partner's words.

You turned your head to look at him again, just as his strong hands released the weight that bounced to the floor. You saw him shake his arms slightly and move his shoulders in circles, releasing the tension a little at a time. Even in the distance you could make out as if he were right beside you the line of his veins running around his arms and the-

“Look at her, she's drooling already.”

You clicked your tongue and Erika only shared a chuckle with Veronica. You decided to focus solely on getting the treadmill over with quickly so you could get through that day.

-

You came out of the shower with an incredible freshness dancing in your body. In the bathrooms the atmosphere was always a little cooler than in the center of the gym, so the time after the bath was one of your favorites. Veronica and Erika had already left, they had said goodbye before you entered the shower. They always left at seven o'clock at night, but you preferred to stay a little longer and enjoy the showers you paid for because you didn't have much to do at home when you got there.

With the towel over your right shoulder you walked towards the lockers to get your training bag and other belongings. You thought for a moment about leaving a few things from your bag since there would be a zumba class early tomorrow morning and maybe you were getting a little interested in going, when you heard some footsteps close to where you were.

There shouldn't have been too many people left in the gym at that time because closing time was at 8:00 p.m., so someone else must have gotten out of the shower to get their belongings just like you.

You decided to leave a few things in the locker for the next day's class, encouraging you a little more to leave the house a little earlier. Anyway, you knew Veronica would be there so you wouldn't be alone.

You pulled out the bag with the things you were going to take with you and closed the locker. You turned around to leave, when you finally realized who else had come in after you.

It was him. It was that man.

You had never met him in the evenings. He always left before seven o'clock so you never had the chance to meet him alone until that moment, when you stopped dead in front of him, your sneakers grinding against the floor as if you had braked violently at fifty kilometers per hour.

Your locker was all the way in the left corner of that room and it looked like his was a few spaces away from yours in the same direction, closer to the door.

His gaze lifted in your direction at the sound of your shoes and you had to squeeze your bag strap tightly over your shoulder, eating your embarrassment fiercely.

“Hey,” he spoke first and his voice was nothing like you had imagined.

It was incredibly better. His baritone tone, somewhat raspy and light, sounded like he didn't have a care in the world. The way he slightly curved his lips sent an electric sensation throughout your body. He had given you that smile before, but at that proximity it was a whole new experience. It seemed like your body began to vibrate on another frequency.

“How did you like the gym?”

“Uh?”

The man turned back to you, closing his locker almost at the same time and leaning his shoulder against it in the most smooth way you'd ever seen, handling his body with a confidence that almost made you feel intimidated.

“You're new here, aren't you?”

“Ah, yes,” you nodded slightly, again feeling that embarrassment make its way from your throat. “I've really liked the gym, I've felt very comfortable thankfully. And the monthly plans are very good, affordable.”

The man nodded attentively at your words, as you tried to keep your composure under his sharp gaze.

“I'm Bucky,” he suddenly introduced himself, stepping a little closer to where you stood.

“I'm Y/N,” you kept your voice steady as you raised your hand to meet his that had just extended in front of you at a safe distance. “A pleasure.”

“The pleasure's all mine,” Bucky gave your hand a good shake, causing things in your body that you were too embarrassed to admit. You didn't know if your cheeks could get flushed, but at that moment you felt like they looked cartoonish, vibrant red and hot. “And I'm glad to hear you're comfortable. I do my best to make my clients happy.”

“Oh…?”

Even though you felt spellbound under the piercing fierceness of those blue eyes, your ears were still working enough to allow your head to process what you'd heard.

“You're the owner?”

Bucky nodded and you wanted to hide your head in a hole for a moment.

So you'd been eye-fucking the owner of the gym? Hell, now that you thought about it more clearly, it could even be that this man was older than you, much older.

Oh no, the things you had to go through for not being a little more prudent. Good thing that embarrassing moment would only be in your head.

“And now that you know, you can drop any complaints or recommendations directly to me, if you want.”

You let out a short laugh, trying to cut through the awkwardness you felt inside as you realized the situation you were in.

“Sure, yeah, anything I need to tell you I'll do it personally.”

“Also if you want me to change something… give you something or do something, you can tell me.”

“Sure,” you nodded quickly, starting to move around him to get closer to the exit. Bucky wouldn't take his eyes off you. “Now I know I'm counting on you for anything…. From the gym, that is.”

Your awkward laugh died under his intense but amused gaze. Was he enjoying it?

“And you can talk to me, if you want too,” Bucky continued speaking as you completely surrounded him and now found yourself in the position he had been before, “not just watching me from afar.”

You were sure the blood had left your face by this time. Your level of embarrassment had gone over the edge and in that instant you didn't know how to do anything but look at him as if he had caught you in the middle of a crime. You tightened the strap of your bag while holding your breath as you noticed him moving a little closer towards you.

“It's not that it bothers me, don't go thinking that. It's just that… I'd like to get to know you a little more if that's possible.”

“Uhm…” you mumbled with a dry mouth, the reflection of the light in his blue eyes much clearer against the short distance between the two of you. You passed saliva with difficulty, shaking your head to answer him, “Yeah, sure. I'd like to know you too.”

You watched out of the corner of your eye as he nodded at your words, not making a move to get any closer. If that five-foot distance alone already felt like you were suffocating, you didn't want to imagine what it would be like to have him standing to the side or behind you explaining how to do some exercise even though you already knew how to do them all…

Shit.

“See you then, doll.”

He walked around you, walking away from that conversation and that tension like it was nothing, like a bomb hadn't just exploded in front of you. You couldn't even say anything goodbye to him, you didn't know in that instant how to move your mouth.

For a moment you felt so foolish for allowing yourself to show yourself in such a vulnerable way in front of a man… but, at the same time, so much had happened since the last time you had actively flirted with one of them (even though what you had done at that moment had been spitting words). You'd barely had a taste to remember what the adrenaline, excitement and anticipation of having a truly fun night was like… that you didn't plan on letting go.

Bucky had thrown you that rope and you were sure you were going to take it.

-

a/n: thank you for reading!! <3

[moumouton4]

An Interesting Training Session || Katsuki Bakugo x reader

A/n : Inspired by this tiktok and I found it sexy 👀 Also my requests are open as always so let me know if you have any ideas 🤭

Masterlist ⚜

Warning : Mmh just some kisses at the end 🌺

Summary : You stumble on your boyfriend in the weight room and ask him to help you with the pull-ups

I don’t give permission to repost my work, if you want to share it just reblogue it

Word count : 1250

Like every Wednesday afternoon, you were getting ready in your room. Putting on your workout clothes to go to the gym. Today you had decided to start weight training, as Mr. Aizawa had advised you after realizing that you were having trouble getting the upper hand when it came to hand-to-hand combat. But just a little bit you didn't want to build up your muscles to the point of The Rock but enough not to embarrass yourself in every hand-to-hand fight against Uraraka

Once you were dressed appropriately, you started your way to the academy's weight room - which you didn't even know about the day before. You pushed the door open and were a bit overwhelmed by the number of machines, there were many different types. You decided to start by lifting weights to exercise your arms

You lifted weights for a while, you were very tired, not using your quirk to lift weights made it even harder. You were able to feel an aura of warmth around your body as you looked around while catching your breath. You had your hands on your waist as you took deep breaths

Suddenly your eyes fell on another person in the room. This person, who you recognized as your boyfriend, the explosive Katsuki Bakugo. He was with his back to you doing pull-ups on one of the bars. You smiled as you decided to sneak up behind him. You walked behind him but before you could do anything he let go of the bar and went down

You let out a yelp which made him turn around and face you. His palm crackled with mini explosions. Luckily he didn't do anything except look at you with a dark look

"Are you out of your mind ?!? I could have blown you up dumbass !"

"Oooh" you cooed "You were worried about me. How caring-"

"Shut up !" you just laughed at his outburst as he only tch-ed you looking away

"What are you doing here anyway ? You don't usually come here to train" he continued

"Why ? Don't you want me here ?" you asked, wiggling your eyebrows as he gently shoved you to the side before you spoke again "Aizawa advised me to work on my strength, so I came to build up some muscle" you said sheepishly remembering the blow you took at your last fight. He hummed at your answer

When you felt that you had caught your breath enough you decided to get under the bar where Katuski was doing pull-ups before. You jumped up to grab it but your fingers only brushed against it, because the bar was high to fit your boyfriend's height. You heard him snicker at your failed attempt. You didn't care though and tried your luck again by jumping higher this time, which paid off as your hands closed on the bar

You followed up with a pull and then a second before you felt your strength leave you and the bar slip from your hands. You could have landed on your legs as if nothing had happened but it seemed that Katsuki didn't think so, as his hands extended to catch you at waist level

You looked at him questioningly before smirking at him. He let go of you just as quickly, afraid that someone would see him acting so... affectionate. He threw up internally at the thought

"Don't look at me like that idiot ! There's no landing mat on the floor-"

"You'll just have to make sure I'm okay then" you replied with witiness as a pink color came to his cheeks "If you want" you continued "I can block the door with my quirk" you didn't really give him time to think as you sent a force field towards the door blocking it from anyone who might try to enter the room

You jumped up and grabbed the bar again and looked towards Katsuki who was already looking at you with his ruby red eyes. He took a step towards you and grabbed the bar, placing his hands on either side of yours towards the outside of the bar. Without thinking you wrapped your legs around his slim waist and wanted to start doing direct pull-ups. But for a moment he froze, his body stiffening, before he came to his senses as you began the exercise

You you + him managed to do a lot more pull-ups in this configuration. While you were struggling to do barely 10 pull-ups alone, Katsuki didn't even break a sweat. You suddenly felt your hands slip and instinctively you tightened your legs around his waist to avoid falling. Luckily, he managed to hold both of your weights with the strength of his arms. You looked into each other's eyes for a while before you saw his eyes flick between your eyes and your lips

"Are you gonna make a move or what ?" you said playfully as he clenched his jaw

You knew he wouldn't do it because of his pride so you decided to force fate by giving him a first kiss on the cheek, then another before kissing him in the corner of his mouth. While he was expecting you to add a proper kiss on his lips he was surprised to see you catch the bar and do another pull-up. You put your last bit of strength into it and once your two heads passed over the bar you used this moment to tease him once more. You quickly pressed your lips to his and released the grip you had on his waist with your legs and let go of the bar before going to retrieve your water bottle and slip out of the room

But an arm caught you before you could leave, your hand had just reached the door handle

"Where do you think you're going to go like that little tease ?" Katsuki said

"Oooh you mean that it worked-" he didn't let you add a single word before his lips crashed violently on yours. His hand landed on the door next to your head as his body pushed yours hard against it, radiating a warmth that surrounded you. You were out of breath but all you wanted was for him to slip his tongue into your mouth so you could-

But he pulled back as quickly as he appeared and as he drew his own breath you were all putty between him and the door. When your gaze fell on his face you saw that he was looking at you with a proud smirk

"Are you happy now" you huffed, your cheeks flushed and hot ( sorry if like me you can't blush )

"Yes very" he retorted with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. And with that he placed his hand on yours which was still on the door handle and opened the door before slipping away. You blinked before running after him

"Hey ! You're in for a treat !" he only laughed at your outburst before stopping for you to catch up. You took his hand and he intertwined his fingers with yours, your hand in his warm one, as you made your way back towards the dorms, the idea of a shower brewing in your minds as you quickened your pace a little more. Yes, it was going to be fun and you were determined to give him a taste of your own medecine for the teasing earlier today

~

~

A/n : I hope you guys liked it ! 🥞🍳 Again my requests are open 🥑🥕

Taglist : @malfoyscamander, @cl0vr, @ilovemanypeople, @glossy1pearl, @jane57sstuff

[mauesartetc]

Redrawing Shadiversity's AI Piece

For context, check out this post here. This is, uh... It's a doozy.

Let's start with the main character of the image. The girl's pose looks very awkward and unrealistic for what she's doing. Her feet are dragging in two different directions that don't indicate the direction she's jumping in, and it looks like her top half is getting blown back in a wind tunnel. According to one of the reblogs on the post that introduced me to this thing, the pose wasn't the generator's doing, but the artist's. "He drew the girl and photoshopped in a picture of a lizard and a picture of a church and had the image generator "refine" it."

I sincerely doubt he used any kind of photo reference for this drawing, as it'd be uncomfortable for anyone's spine to curve backward like that while they're leaping forward and swinging a heavy sword. That just looks painful.

Let's explore some ways we could make the pose look more believable.

I think I'll go with a pose that's close to the original but makes a bit more sense.

It obviously doesn't have the same level of... "polish" the AI version does (we'll get to that in a minute), but the tilt of the spine looks much more natural for the direction she's leaping in and the way she's holding the sword.

Now that we have that out of the way, let's analyze more of the image as a whole.

AI art handles detail in a way that looks good to the untrained eye, but falls apart in the eyes of experienced artists. These clothing folds, for example. There's no logic to the way they're shaped, and the shirt is randomly tight around the chest when it's loose everywhere else. Then there are the scales brought into sharp focus despite the rest of the dragon being blurred, the blood drips that look like stalactites, and so on and so forth. I'm sure there are things I missed, as well. If y'all find them, let me know in the comments!

Something to note about the sketches I made before the finished drawing: They kinda suck. And that's the point. The early stages of a drawing aren't meant to look pristine with perfect anatomy (not to say the finished product is anywhere near perfect, but still). What they are meant to have is energy. Purpose. Life. But AI bros are so afraid to make any "bad" drawings that they don't draw at all (or in cases like Shad's, they only draw the bare minimum).

I didn't make this post to dunk on AI prompters, but to encourage them to put in the necessary work that will improve their skills. And no, I'm sorry, typing words into a box won't make anyone a better artist. It might make them better at describing what they want when they commission an artist, but by and large it's like lifting a feather when you want to gain muscle instead of, y'know, lifting actual weights.

Obviously machine learning isn't going anywhere and it'd be nice to use as a tool to make different steps of the art process more efficient. It's good for silly memes, I guess. But we shouldn't treat the images it spits out as masterpieces, and, importantly, businesses shouldn't use it to replace real people.

Anyway, it's pretty easy to go to the store with five bucks and come back with a decent sketchpad and pens/pencils. Not to mention art programs like Krita and Blender are FREE, and there are plenty of tutorials on Youtube. Just sayin'.

Get drawing.

[opia-tarot]

🔞tarot reading🔞

what turns your future spouse on?

hi my darlings! This reading is about what turns your future spouse on. I had so much fun doing this reading, i love doing spicy readings. If you have any requests message me. Obviously if you're underage/a minor please go read my non 18+ readings. Please respect my boundaries. Anyway for my 18+ darlings, have fun reading! Remember i love feedback so never hesitate to tell me what u think.

how to choose a crystal

Close your eyes and take 3-4 deep breaths in and out. And then open your eyes and focus on each crystal. Pick the crystal you’re actually drawn to. You’ll feel if it’s the right one. What crystal do you keep going back to? Which one is standing out the most? Choose that one. Really take your time. You might be drawn to more crystals, this is fine. Just take what resonates from each reading

Do u like my photoshop skills?😭✋

garnet crystal

Hey pile 1!! So there is so much to say, i'm so excited to get to the juicy details. Can i just say i didn't even need to spend any time connecting to your future spouse?! They were ready to go and lemme just say this is them in a nutshell. Ready any time.

Your future spouse is a daddy or sexy mama. Proper dominance and not without anything to back it up. They are a hunter and a savage. This is someone that has no trouble getting dick/pussy. I heard that people throw themselves at them, no joke. Pile 1 never disappoints ahaha.

Pile 1 you are going to tame them. They are used to getting what they want, when they want and u aren't going be easy to seduce. They like how you reject them initially because you can see they're a bit egotistical. I'll be honest pile 1, they are a bit arrogant. But it's sexy arrogance.

So what turns them on?

An independant, confident person. They are heavily attracted to confidence and someone who does their own thing. They like being rejected by u pile 1. And guess what specific message i got? ahahah I got a message about how they like being rejected because they know they're gonna get what they want. ahaha. I got the aries card when i got this message ahaha. I'm laughing because it's just insane. They get turned on by someone who doesn't need them, someone who's working on themselves. They don't like someone who's easily available to them. The thing is they get what they want so easily, money, sex etc so they prefer a challenge. They love to see you levelling up and working on yourself.

So confidence and independance turns them on. I got a message that you'll have to be secure when you meet them, because they have an overpowering personality and they get so much attention, it could be hard to get used to if you're insecure in your own worth.

They are POSSESSIVE. Your future spouse being possessive kept showing up in the reading. They will feel very possessive over you. I kept hearing mine. Like they don't wanna share, they don't wanna even think about someone else having you. There's something about you that's going to be different from the other people they slept with. oh my gosh darlings, sorry if some of the words are questionable, I just wanna include what i get. So the exact message i got is you aren't an easy body. People throw themselves at them and they are used to this.

They feel so passionately about you, geez this is becoming a reading about how they feel about you. You turn them on. That's what turns them on ahaha. They have major player vibes but they actually really value commitment, because i got the ring card and capricorn and the 4h on my astro dice. I feel like you'll change them in a way. You'll awaken their desire to commit and settle down. They'll be more experienced than u, 100%.

They are not afraid of confrontation at all pile 1. If anyone crosses the boundary they'll do what they have to do. They are a go getter pile 1. They are a hard worker and they work even harder to ensure people respect u.

Your future spouse is going to be SEXY. Baby lemme tell u. I got the siren card, the eros card and the aries card. I also got pluto, saturn and mars cards. Like i cannot make this up. They are gonna be top level sexy. Like head turning, mouth watering sexy. I can't even explain how i felt doing this reading. I felt HOT and i had my fan on ahaha. I did see some stuff about them being way more than financially abundant. And they earned it, they worked hard to be successful.

So of course naturally they have an ego ahaha. Babe why is this reading becoming a character reading?! They are cocky if i'm being honest, i see most of you are going to be wary at first because of this. I just heard mr steal yo girl ahahah. I'm sorry but they are so funny.

Anyway so what exactly turns them on? enough rambling ahaha.

They are so kinky. Like it took 2 seconds to find out ahaha. I heard they are turned on by power and money ahaha. They love power pile 1. And this translates smoothly to the sexual dynamic. Their ego is interesting ahaha you'll see when u see the music i channelled ahaha. But you'll eventually find it endearing because you'll break past their layers, it's definitely not a facade because they're CONFIDENT but you'll see more than this.

They have a breeding kink. Like lemme tell u i got so much about breeding. They like it raw. If you like dicks, they wanna fuck without condoms definitely, if you're comfortable of course. They really like you sitting on top because you can't go anywhere. They like pushing you down while you i heard take it. ooof this is hot.

They like seeing you tied up pile 1. They like ropes specifically. chains too, most likely handcuffs. They like seeing you helpless pile 1. They are dominant. And not the type of dominance that's like obnoxious or fake. They are actually dominant and they understand the responsibility of it. Yes they are flashy and confident and their ego is a bit inflated, but they do understand the responsibility of being dominant and the role. This tells me they're 100% into bdsm. It's a necessary aspect of themselves. They can't be satisfied without it. Also they make sure you are safe and comfortable. They like staring at you and taunting you. Like you're tied up and they're like poor baby. They're wicked in bed pile 1. Absolutely wicked. They want the passion, fucking and pain, now and then depending on what you like. They like to inflict pain in bed, some of you are masochists. But if you're not a masochist ignore that. They like control pile 1, they crave it. There is something about your eyes that turns them on. Hmm i heard doe eyes. They want to control you, but of course the extent of this is up to you. I actually got this scene. They are most likely a sadist or at least a hard dom.

Their eyes are going to be very attractive, especially because of the pluto and ascendant cards and the siren card. Their eyes are going to be alluring and intense. They are going to make u face them during sex because they know their eyes intimidate u.

They like the idea of exploring kinks, especially because i think there are things you haven't experienced and they'll feel turned on because they'll introduce u to it. They get turned on when u wear either sexy lingerie or some form of sexy clothes. If you're a guy they like you having no clothes specifically.

I also saw a big strap on, so if u like women, lemme just say you're gonna be aching. This is intense. If you like guys, he's gonna be PACKING. ahaha I kept saying what's the catch? ahaha, Sexy, big dick, intelligent i mean come on ahaha. If you like women, her head game is insane ahaha, toe curling shit. If u like women, she's gonna be a femme fatale type. If you like men then he's gonna be a don jaun, mr swauve ahaha.

They have massive breeding kink. Like the idea of them impregnating u or the other way round, it has them roaring and ready.

They most likely have black hair or they like wearing black.

The idea of being stern and telling u what to do has them so horny. They also like overstimulation. Specifically they like overstimulating u, because ur reactions turn them on massively. They'll think about it often ahaha. They also get turned on by voyeurism, they're the type to fuck u against a hotel window. I got the scene from 365 days.

u turn them on very easily, like flipping a switch.

The question is what doesn't turn them on? They are KINKY. Whatever you wanna try they'll be ready.

amazonite crystal

Okay pile 2 your future spouse is a very black and white thinker. They are someone who cares about justice. I got so many cards to do with the law so I think they are definitely either a judge or an attorneys assistant or a lawyer something like that. I don’t know how many of you like lawyer shows because I kept channelling stuff from suits. But anyway this is someone who doesn’t cooperate very easily with others because they’ve accomplished a lot on my own, so they don’t feel like they need other people’s help. They have worked hard enough to be able to work on their own. I don’t know exactly what they do but they don’t work in a group setting. If they do they don't socialise or interact much. Your future spouse is very stubborn and they are someone who is very sharp. They are witty and very intelligent. They are someone who cares about facts, they don’t particularly care for the emotional aspects of things. They don’t allow their emotions to get in the way of their success. They are someone I heard either wears a suit and tie to work or they were like a pencil skirt and a blazer. Basically they wear professional attire regardless of their gender. Your future spouse is a little bit arrogant and this is because they are someone who’s very witty and very sarcastic, so they tend to outsmart people. They are successful at what they do so they have the success to sort of justify it.

Your future spouse is turned on by fluids. I got so much about fluids or liquid. Your future spouse is a fan of squirting or cream pies. Take it how resonates depending on what you like. They like to see you dripping.

Your future spouse is also turned on by softness or cuteness. Like when you aren’t experienced at something or if you are a bit clueless about something it turns them on. hard to explain but yeah. Your future spouse is turned on by threesomes. It kept coming up so much in the reading I think this is there main fantasy. They love having multiple people in their bedroom. Now I did make sure if this is something you don’t like it isn’t a deal breaker. It isn't a dealbreaker if you don't like it. Because your future spouse is also turned on by voyeurism, so if you aren’t a fan of threesomes then they would compromise by suggesting to try out voyeurism instead. They love the idea of you getting caught. Your future spouse likes role play.

Your future spouse is a big fan of having sex in outdoor places like a forest or a park or beach. They really like this and this really turns them on. You’ll become a member of the mile high club because this is a big fantasy of theirs. Your future spouse also really likes degrading during sex. They like the idea of them being stern and you being soft. Your future spouse has a very high stamina so they would like to go rounds during sex. They like making you tired. Your future spouse is very experimental. They have loads of kinks. They like to experiment and have fun, they really like sex to be fun and playful. They are so stern in their daily work they prefer to be fun and playful during sex.

carnelian crystal

⚠️trigger warning

mental health issues, trauma and food issues

Okay pile 3, so your future spouse is very soft and relaxing. When I started the reading I immediately felt relaxed and I felt very safe and comforted. Your future spouse is very soft and creative and dreamy. They are very feminine so regardless of what gender you like, they are going to be very feminine. I kept hearing the word poetic. They’ll write you poems and love notes. I literally felt lovesick and I kept hearing the word lovesick or in love. They’re like a lovesick puppy. They likely have venus on the ascendant or venus in the 1st house. This is also someone who really wants to have kids so if you’re against having kids this is definitely not your pile. Your future spouse is very child like and very creative. They get bored easily and they're always moving on to the next project and the next idea. They are a very genuine person. They know how to mediate and how to diffuse conflict. They have so much love and they honestly just want to love. They are introverted and they are a bit of a hermit. They like to spend time in nature. They have depth to them but they don’t really show this depth to people. They are sometimes too self sacrificial, they need to make more time for themselves and I think you’ll help them prioritise themselves more. They are a homebody and they are a big dreamer. I heard that they are a lover and not a fighter.

Okay so there aren’t going to be any sexual messages in this group. the cards were very clear about your future spouses sexual interests being hidden from you at this time you are not supposed to know.

This is because you have a lot of things to work on before you can even start thinking about your future spouse. So I’m gonna try and explain in detail what messages I got, just so you can know if this pile is actually your pile . There are separate messages and quite a few messages so I’m gonna try and convey each message.

Honestly most of you who picked this pile are currently struggling with some sort of mental health or health issues currently. I can definitely see there’s something really negative about your mindset or your thoughts. Some of you are dealing with some really negative thoughts at the moment, I got the nine of swords I got the ten of swords and I got the eight of swords. This is mental pain.

So to break it down some of you are very self deprecating, I see most of you struggle with imposter syndrome and you struggle with not feeling like you're enough.

Some of you are currently dealing with an eating disorder. This is very clear in the reading and I think a lot of you struggle with binge eating disorder. This over consumption stems from a lacking of some sort. I kept hearing overconsumption repeating. Speaking of overconsumption some of you are going on your phone way more than necessary. This isn’t supposed to be a lecture by the way, I just really want to make sure I get the messages out properly. Your confidence is really low at the moment.

This message about men is a reoccurring theme in a pile in the readings. like there’s always an individual pile where this is mentioned. Some of you have trauma regarding men it’s very obvious here in the reading and this could stem from your dad specifically but not necessarily, it could be a specific man or it could be a negative view of men in general.

Some of you grew up in a home where your parents were either not very committed to each other or they were very tumultuous in their relationship there were probably a lot of arguments or conflict.

Some of you are not getting enough sleep and this is because you are on your phone too much specifically. You are avoiding your issues and they are starting to catch up to you in the form of either a mental breakdown or isolation or emotional turmoil or negative thoughts. It’s time to face those issues, now is the time more than ever. It isn’t the time to focus on your future spouse or future love or anything like that. . This is the time to focus on yourself and those blockages especially mental blockages.

Sorry I’m pretty sure this isn’t what you wanted to hear but it’s what you need to hear and it’s what is necessary at this time. Some of you grew up in a home where the ideologies around sex were very warped or distorted. Perhaps you weren’t really allowed to talk about sex or it wasn’t discussed. Take what resonates so far because there are so many messages. But there’s something here about your childhood you need to heal from it. some sort of trauma, it could be from a specific parent but I see it something from childhood and it is currently destroying your mental health.

Most of you are neglecting your health specifically and you are not eating nourishing foods or you are not nourishing your body.

I see this group really struggles with moderation and balance emotionally and in other ways. You have an addictive personality and balance is even more important in this case because it’s important to become more disciplined and to have stability, especially emotional stability because I see that’s really important.

You already know I’m going to say this but it’s time to do your shadow work. Also some of you struggle with a porn addiction I see this is something a specific group of you deal with. Some of you could have also been cheated on but this is a very specific message and it doesn’t apply to most of you.

I wanted to get a message on what positive things are coming because I don’t want the reading to end on a negative tone. So this is a time where you have to put in the work, this isn’t a time of serendipity or luck. You have to make changes on your own. No one else can make you make those changes. you have to want it enough to be able to make a change and to be able to really start healing those wounds. It isn’t your fault that’s something you need to hear, it isn’t your fault. Some of u are really blaming yourself for some things, it isn’t your fault but regardless it’s your responsibility to start facing those wounds.

The positive things coming in are u are going to start working on your self perception and when you start working on your self perception this is going to cause a very dramatic change in your health. These dramatic changes are going to lead to a new path and a new course in your life. It’s almost like an ultimatum. This cycle is not going to come in until you start releasing the wounds from your past. Some of you need to get a therapist specifically. Some of you are afraid to open up or to ask for help. there is going to be a new course, there is going to be a time where you are stable and confident in yourself but it starts when you start working on yourself. Because that is going to be the catalyst towards a very positive cycle.

Tiger’s 👁 crystal

Hey pile 4! If you’ve read my other future spouse pick a cards, then you already know I like to channel their personality specifically and then get to the sexual stuff or whatever else is. Your future spouse has a very impressive vibe. They have two sides to them. In public they are friendly charismatic and funny. But in bed they are completely different. But we’ll get to the sexual stuff in a bit. They are very rebellious when they want to do something they don’t care about anyone’s opinions, they grow after it. they are a go getter and they are a person who makes things happen. They don’t sit and wait for the right time or a moment where they feel it’s the right time to go after something, they just go and they do it and they don’t care. They are an extremely hard worker. They are someone people admire and look up to, they are respected by people. They are someone who’s specifically financially abundant. They travel for work and they either have people working under them or they do a creative passion professionally. They don’t work for anyone, they are a leader or a boss they definitely either have their own business or they work a creative profession. But either way they definitely travel for work, their work is a bit spontaneous. I do see they rebelled against their family in some way, they could have either left home unexpectedly or they pursued a profession their family didn’t support. That’s a very big message I got. They are someone who worked very very hard to get to where they are this wasn’t luck or serendipity this was hard work. I really respect your future spouse because they seem so hard working and so laser focused on their future. They wanted success so they worked for it. It’s so impressive and it’s definitely something you’re going to admire about them. I specifically got a message about them possibly being a libra rising, or having a mars-uranus aspect. They don’t work have a conventional profession, they do something that’s unconventional something to do with creativity and something where they don’t work for anyone. They are very passionate and they’re very passionate about their work. They care about their work and this is significant because most people don’t really work in professions they care about and just do what they have to do to make money but they work in a profession where they get to be a leader and they get to make decisions.

Honestly I didn’t get much sex stuff but I got some other messages I did get a few sexual messages but not a lot. So your future spouse is really going to like the learning aspect of sex, they’re going to like to help you learn things about sex and it's really going to be a safe learning environment. What turns them on is them knowing more about sex or having more more experience than you. You’re going to be blooming with them they’re really going to like nurturing you in a sexual way so they’re almost like watering you, does this make sense? I don’t know how to explain that. But I got a message about them wanting you to be their plant they can nurture and basically make you grow so you can develop and learn things about sex. They’re going to be very committed and your marriage is going to be amazing. They’re going to like seeing you go from a younger and perhaps more closed off aspect of yourself to a very confident and sexy aspect of you. You are going to really transform. I do see your future spouse is sexual but I literally could not find out anything and this is because of what I mentioned earlier about your future spouse having two sides to their personality, so their sexual nature is very hidden. So I wasn’t allowed to get any messages about it.

But I’ll say some of you are quite discouraged at the moment or maybe a bit tired in general. I think some of you are quite discouraged about your manifestations on whether they’re happening or not. I can see some of you are thinking quite negatively about your manifestations And you’re wondering if it’s actually going to happen and if it’s worth manifesting anymore. Baby it's definitely going to happen. I got the eight of wands and the 10 of tentacles. I do see there is going to be something very celebratory. I literally was not allowed to find out when this is going to happen by the way. You are going to get whatever you are manifesting and if you’re not manifesting this is a message telling you this is a great time to manifest. Sometimes manifestations are blocked at a certain point for a reason but now is the time to manifest if you haven’t been already. But I do see most of you have been. There is going to be an opening where these manifestations are coming in. I mean seriously this is such a beautiful spread. But it’s just when it’s going to happen is when it’s going to happen. I tried and tried to find out when and I literally kept getting cards about fate so it’s just going to happen when it’s supposed to. What you need to focus on is manifesting and changing your perspective. There’s a clear message here about you needing to change your perspective in regards to your manifestations. See it from a different perspective see it from a different angle. There’s a reason why you haven’t got your manifestations yet.

So I decided to get a message about what you should be working on before you meet your future spouse. Some of you are pretty avoidant or closed off to love or just people in general. It's not anything severe but I think you’re sceptical of people’s intentions. Some of you have a heart chakra blockage so that’s something you should be working on at the moment.

Another message I got is you should be working on exploring sex by yourself at the moment. Because I got a message about you being able to be comfortable with someone else when you’re comfortable alone. You aren’t going to be able to love someone else if you can’t love yourself. And you’re not going to be able to like sex if you aren’t comfortable being sexual alone.

So I got a very clear message to explore your sexuality and figure out what you like. Because this is going to allow you to be more comfortable when you meet your future spouse. I literally got a message about you scheduling masturbation. So even if you’re busy make time to explore yourself and masturbate or whatever it may be, be intimate by yourself. It doesn’t have to necessarily be sexual but intimacy alone is important. Your manifestations are coming and they’re coming sooner than you think, but work on these things in the mean time and stop stressing. I can’t tell you what I’m not supposed to tell you but you are going to see big changes. I channelled this scene from Coraline and it really represents the transition towards the next stage of your life. The stage where your manifestations have fabricated and where you are not going to be in a waiting period anymore. It’s going to be unexpected. congrats pile 4 you’re nearly there.

rhodonite crystal

Hey pile 5! So you already know I like to channel your future spouse before I get to the sexual messages. So your future spouse is someone who is very traditional. Regardless of their gender they have traditional morals and traditional outlooks. They believe in marriage and they believe in having a traditional role in the relationship. They believe in traditional gender roles. I do see they have a belief system. They are very self assured and they believe in themselves. They are someone who’s not afraid to put the work in to meet their goals and I do see they are successful to some degree, it will be with in varying degrees for everyone. But they’ve worked really hard to get to where they are, they did not get a silver spoon and they did not have it easy. There is someone who really believes in equality and they believe in justice. They are extremely intelligent and very philosophical. They are also someone who is physically attractive, I do see this. They are someone who is admired for their outer appearance. They are alluring. The way they present themselves or their style and their appearance is attractive. They’re going to be sexually attractive or at least very sensual. They turn people on is a message I got. Your future spouse is going to be either a leo taurus or aries rising (possibly aqua rising). Which makes sense considering they are sexually attractive or very sensual in their appearance. Anyway your future spouse could have venus in the first house also. They could also have Jupiter in the 3rd house.

Your future spouse is going to spark some insecurities in you because if you like someone who's more masculine or you want a man then they are going to be traditionally masculine meaning they are going to believe in financially spoiling you and really giving you what you need etc. So this is an aspect that could cause you to become a bit uncomfortable or insecure. this is something you’re going to have to release and get used to. It could also be because they are very self assured and they are successful to some degree. You could feel insecure because you’re not at the place or same level as them but they don’t care. They don’t care, they’re going to marry you so that’s what matters.

So a big message I got to work on any insecurities you have and work on releasing these insecurities before you meet them. Because this person is very confident and they’re very self-assured, it’s a very very quiet or more silent confidence this isn’t someone who is going to be a look at me I’m amazing sort of person they're going to be a confident silent type. your future spouse thinks about money often and they do stress about it quite often they tend to overwork themselves even when it’s not necessary.

Some of you are going to have a very financially abundant future spouse I do see some of you are going to have a wealthy future spouse.

It’s split like 50-50 so I do see half of you are going to have a wealthy future spouse and half of you are going to have a future spouse who is financially comfortable and they are working towards wealth or financial abundance.

So the sexual messages….

I’ve got quite a few, so what turns on your future spouse is communication in the bedroom or in general. They really value a healthy communicator.

But in a sexual aspect they really like degrading or being degraded. I heard wait until we get home so I do see them teasing you or whispering in your ear in public or they like this that sort of thing. Saying sexy things to them is really gonna turn them on, like this is a very big message in the reading. Your future spouse also really likes hygiene so they really gonna like scents or lotions that sort of thing. Like when you smell nice this is really going to turn on your future spouse they are really gonna like this.

They also like a sexual dynamic where there’s a clear submissive and dominant. They like to have a very obvious dynamic. Like a consistent dynamic. I don’t know if this makes sense but they like to be the more dominant person in general. I actually got a message about them being a ladykiller. It doesn’t matter what gender you like but this is what I got so they are very smooth. It’s weird because when I was channelling the sexual portion of the reading I got surprised, like I was quite surprised at how smooth and seductive they are when it comes to their sexual interests and how they express themselves sexually. They like to seduce and what really turns me on is when you have this game of cat and mouse where they get to chase. They want to seduce you. I really do see it’s them seducing you, they really like chasing after you, they really like it when you play hard to get so they can put in the work.

Your future spouse really gets turned on when you’re open minded to their sexual interests im not sure how to explain this clearly. When you can embody their sexual interests it really turns them on. So for example they could say it really turns me on when u wear purple lingerie for example and you go out of your way to do that it really turns them on. It’s just an example.

Your future spouse loves a challenge and they like it when you make it more difficult for them. Take that as it resonates but they really like it when you pretend to not be interested or when you’re a bit bitchy. They like it when the bedroom becomes a bit messy sometimes or almost like a battle.

sexual healing by marvin gaye

[ssentimentals]

dating woozi feels like...

having a steady presence by your side, always. jihoon is your best partner in a sense that you both are equals in the relationships; he's not putting himself above or below you, but stands right beside you, his shoulder brushing yours in a silent 'i'm right next to you, i'm here for you', encouraging you to go ahead and follow your dreams.

(his hands claps yours and you are shy because your palms are all sweaty, but he doesn't care, doesn't let you move your hands away. 'it's worth trying,' he says and you nod, because he's right of course, just like he always is. 'it's better to try and fail than not try at all.'

'my hands are sweaty,' you comment, but he only grips your hands tighter. sighing, you look up, asking in a small voice: 'will you stand next to me? just for a little bit?'

jihoon takes your right hand and presses gentle kiss on your knuckles. 'i'll stand next to you for as long as you want me to.')

jihoon is that practical boyfriend, who doesn't view love as something aerial; no, it's a very real thing for him and as anything real it requires effort to make it work. he's here for the long game, not for the short run; he is more than ready to change something in him if it somehow stops relationships from blooming.

('i don't see you,' you stress out, not having any energy left to shout or make a scene. 'i understand that you are busy but if we both are not going to make time for each other then this thing is not going to work, jihoon, it just won't.'

you are not even angry at this point, just sad. and this sadness fills you up so much that it gets hard to breathe. jihoon sits next to you with a closed off face and you let him overthink it, staying next to him. he cautiously reaches out to you like he's afraid you might slap his hand away; you only smile sadly and let him take your hand in his. your sad smile tugs at his heart and makes him feel even more awful than he already does, but he bears through, knowing he has to make a point here. 'i'm sorry,' he says and you know he means it. 'you are absolutely right and i have no excuse here. i'll make time for us, i promise.'

you sigh. 'i know that work is important-'

'you are more important,' he interrupts, squeezing your hand. 'what we have is more important.' jihoon opens his arms and you fall into them, relishing in his affection. 'i'm so sorry. we won't have talk like this again, i promise.')

he's not exactly 'lovey-dovey' and not big on pda either, but his affection is shown in other ways. jihoon is 'i know your clothing size, your go-to order in any place, your favorite anyone and anything' type of boyfriend and he uses that knowledge very well. his presents and surprises are immaculately crafted for your liking with so much time and effort put into them; he knows you and he'll always try his best for you and he'll go on any lengths to make sure you know it, too.

('oh, our jihoonie hyung is so whipped!' seungkwan hollers and cackles gleefully, when jihoon glares at him. 'but seriously, hyung, how many days you spent preparing all of this? i thought i've seen something like this only in the movies. i never thought you'd be this type of boyfriend, you are so whipped!'

you wrap your arms around jihoon's shoulders, effectively stopping him from going after seungkwan. you kiss both of his red cheeks and smile, looking at him a bit teary-eyed due to the surprise he prepared. 'it's perfect,' you whisper and he softens up, hugging you back. 'thank you.'

he just shakes his head and you know he's about to hit you with his usual 'nothing to thank me for' line, so you quickly tease: 'and? are not gonna say that seungkwan is wrong about you being whipped for me?'

jihoon is blushing, but he shrugs anyway. 'can't say it's wrong when it's right.')

jihoon's love is in those small gestures like blowing on a tea before giving it to you so you won't burn your tongue, quietly putting an umbrella into your bag after checking weather forecast because he knows you always forget to do so, crafting playlists for all types of your moods so you'll have something to listen to from him whenever you want, buying your favorite cookies in bulks and storing them everywhere (his studio, his bedroom, his bag) so you can always have them. jihoon is thinking two steps ahead of your needs, because it's practical and because he loves you.

dating jihoon is like going for a walk in winter - people might think you'll freeze from the seemingly cold weather, but you are dressed up from head to toe in the warmest clothes and wind gently swooshes over cheeks instead of biting into them - it's surprisingly refreshing. jihoon is your partner, he's here to stand next to you through thick and thin, bad and good - he won't drop your hand at the mere sight of the storm, he'll pull you close and mutter 'we'll make it' because there is no other choice for him but to stay with you.

tag list: @pearlygraysky @woozionascooter (let me know if you want to be added)

a/n: ahhh this one is not very poetic but it's very jihoon like for me, so hopefully you'll like it :/ my writing list is here if you want to check out other members as well :) - nini

[ivy-plays]

Ik I already did one request but I love ur posts sooooo can u pretty please do like blitzo and anyone u wanna add headcannons what there like during ✨spicy✨🥵🌶️time and if u don’t do nsfw that’s ok just some dating headcannons thank uuuuuuu

Here’s a meme for your time

Of course dear! It won't be too explicit bc we'll. I'm not used to writing anything explicit but this is right in my skill set lol. And thank you for the meme! I now want dinosaur ravioli 😔

Plot: request

Raiting: 16+/m

Reader: gn bc y'all know why lol

Style: head cannon/ bullet points

Warnings: like. 1 cuss word I think but the whole second half is spicy head cannons so. Read at your own descrrssion I'm not your mama and can't tell you what to do

I'm just doing Blitzø in this one bc I haven't written anything like this before so I want to make sure it's well received before I write for everyone else lol.

Blitzø:

Basic relationship stuff:

Very chaotic

And I mean VERY

You would naturally probably work for him either after or before y'all become a couple.thats up for you to decide.

Like Loona, he wouldn't yell at you or blame you when something goes wrong on a job .

And speaking of when y'all are on jobs he always has an eye on you and tries to stay close to you,not because he doesn't think you would be able to defend yourself. He definitely knows you can.

(which may or may not turn him on . Anyway)

He just is protective of the things and people he loves due to being afraid to lose anyone else he cares about.

You have to sit through his hours long rants about horses and his..."research" ....

You become another parent to Loona. (Who she likes slightly more and y'all laugh at how pissed off Blitzø gets about it lol)

It would be Blitzø and you who went to go steal Stolaz grimware (or however tf you spell it idk man)

Blitzø was very hesitant when it came to the whole sleeping with Stolaz thing ,but you told him you didn't care bc you knew that he didn't have feelings for the owl. (Yet)

Stolaz would probably rope you into the deal as well bc mmmm plot

Anyway.

Being in a relationship with Blitzø will be chaotic and challenging at times. (Like when he starts to doubt himself and whether or not he's good enough for you. Good enough to be happy.) But. You're always there for each other and it all works out in the end.

(I also think in the end you two would bring Stolaz into your relationship after the both of y'all realized you had feelings for the owl and talked it over with each other before bringing the idea to Stolaz)

Now. ✨Le spicy bits ✨

SIR KINK

I really do think Blitzø would have a massive authority kink and would want you to call him sir.

Mans likes to feel in control.

Now on the flip side of that. I do think Blitzø would be a switch but with a heavy preference on being on top.

Like. If you were to beg him enough he might let you top him or if he is tired enough.

But even then he still has some level of control over you and is telling you what to do .

That's just how it is. I don't make the rules lol

I also think (based off of lines said in sertin episodes as well as the pilot) that he would be into bondage and a masochism/saidism.

Definitely prefers to do the tying and not the one to be tied up. Again. He likes to have control.

And be prepared bc mans has a whole stash of shit like whips (of all different shoes and materials.) Gags, many different things to restrain you with. (Handcuffs,rope, sashes, his own hands)

He would also be a big damn tease. Like. I have a feeling Blitzø could get off just off the way you squirm and beg for him to stop messing around and fuck you already.

10/10 would blind fold you.

Throat fucking *cough cough clears throat* what was that??? I didn't hear anything.👀

[ekebolou]

Kostas: Academy Days, The Butcher, pt 1

Hey @astronicht here you go. If there was some other prompt that was more interesting to you, let me know, because I kind of started this one because it hit my brain funny.

I don't know how many parts this will be, and I'm still working on the last bits, but this was one of the prompt ideas discussed and I went with it. The dubious prize for snagging my 1,000th like, which for a blog this old is probably a really sad number but we celebrate here instead of dwelling.

This is set somewhere early in the Third Year. I was going to split it up into more parts but I got lazy (~5,000 words for part one, so not on the short side, since I usually aim for like ~3,000 to a post, but kind of awkward to up)

“And for you,” Cole said, laying one dried, paper-wrapped sausage on Nika’s chest, like one might law a long-stemmed flower on a lover’s grave.

It could have been Nika’s grave, very easily (it was his bed) for he was lying in it (distinctly alive) as if he were dead, and wishing just slightly (previously it had been somewhat sharply, but Cole had walked in (and given him sausage)) to actually be dead. For a little bit, at least (like an hour or two, tops – he had things to do).

Nika wanted desperately to say it wasn’t his fault, the fatigue and stinging back, but it really was. He wasn’t going to get leave anyway, as it wasn’t his turn, so he had felt absolutely free to correct a classmate’s verbiage by nearly suffocating him with grass. It WASN’T his fault that his classmate was not better at grappling, or at least good enough to avoid being pushed face first into the ground for long enough he almost passed out. It was really the length of the time that was Nika’s fault, which the grappling ollamh knew very well (thus, punishment), and that it was rather too dangerous to be throwing anyone head first into anything when they were practicing on hard ground (thus, non-trivial amounts of punishment).

That the grass was so verdant as to be suffocating was the fault of rain, and therefore up to God. If the Ainjir had a problem with that they could come to faith and take up their own arguments.

Cole threw himself into their one intact chair and started picking at a piece of flatbread ragged with the bits he had already taken out, pinching and flattening and taking fingertip-shaped crescents out to press onto his tongue. It was barbaric (but it did make it last longer, which was probably the only reason he still had sausage to give to Nika). And, really, given their mutual lack of funds, it was impressive he had gotten the sausage at all.

“Well,” Cole sighed, taking a haphazard bite out of the remainder of his bread and slouching down, casting his head over the hard chair back, face turned upward so that he, too, looked a little dead, “that was a waste.”

Nika sniffed deeply.  The sausage didn’t smell right. Or, rather – “This is Servan’s?”

Cole lifted himself up so as to not choke on his next little medallion of bread.

“Yes, I did try, and I did try to be very discreet…” Cole insisted, quite unnecessarily (he didn’t realize or had not conceded to the fact that Nika had, from the moment he had said it, ceased giving any thought to Cole’s utterly mistaken notion that he could possibly be discreet enough for it to matter),

“…but the first time I went ‘round the butcher was too distracted to serve anyone. Just utterly preoccupied with some problem with his hooks, or his supply of meats, or something – I’m afraid I didn’t catch any familiar words.”

“You don’t know any,” Nika said, picturing (he could only see the ceiling) and ignoring the collapse of Cole’s face and the start of his protests. To give him something else to say, Nika asked, “And then?”

Cole had another bit of bread and said, “Closed.”

Nika sat up (he caught the sausage).

“–quite early, but I suppose that’s what the fuss was about in the morning – must have run through his supplies.”

“You went?” The badly formulated question Nika blamed on his surprise, but luckily Cole understood.

“In the morning?” Cole said. “I would say around ten.”

“And you returned?”

“Around three?” But this one, Cole did not understand – but that wasn’t his fault, even Nika had to admit. He meddled in matters beyond even his considerable comprehension.

Nika’s exclamation was not a result of curiosity, but of shocked disbelief. Shocked disbelief that Cole did not understand the gravity of the slight to which he had been subjected. Nika’s eyes narrowed as he watched Cole contentedly nibble his bread (he knew something had upset Nika, but would wait to see if it was something in which Nika wanted to involve him. Both because he was lazy, and because Nika hadn’t approved of the whole mission to try a new butcher’s wares anyway).

And No – Nika wouldn’t involve him. In part because he was already involved, he just didn’t know. Because it wouldn’t be Cole who had been insulted – how, after all, could a Midraeic butcher expect a faithless Ainjir to behave politely and respectably? – it would be Them.

Better that Cole didn’t know it was Them, or he would be reacting much more severely. As always, Cole said nothing, but as if Nika didn’t know Cole had broken another cadet’s nose just last week for some unwise comment (he, too had lain on the bed as if dead (but not because he had been punished for that. He had been punished for some other thing – not, inevitably, for any actual rule he had broken, like sneaking down to the cellars to steal food, but for being in a place he shouldn’t have had access to or some such lesser trespass he was continually committing). No – Cole also had a happy talent for convincing, intimidating, or somehow shaming those whose impudence he corrected into not wanting to admit to the correction, even if such a confession should see him punished for it. He also had a happy talent for not doing things as forthright as smashing someone’s face into the ground for a near-fatal period of time in front of an ollamh in the middle of class.

…Why Nika bothered with and endured the punishments for such correcting idiots he had no idea. It’s not like anyone learned anything – anyone who hadn’t, by now, stopped running their mouth at Nika was never going to – it was just personally satisfying. (And Nika sometimes called Cole a fool!)).

Better that Cole not be involved, anyway. What could he do? Cole didn’t understand, and Nika doubted he ever really would. Even Nika didn’t want to understand. It was incredibly stupid. But then, it felt incredibly stupid that Nika was so compelled to fix the situation (a disturbance in the community was a threat; Midraeic food, in addition to being good, was also some of the only food they could afford). So they were all incredibly stupid together, as a community should be.

“Do you want your sausage?” Cole asked.

In answer, Nika shoved half of it into his mouth in one ferocious bite. With a disappointed frown and delicate noise of discontent, Cole let his head fall back again.

**

“Faer.”

Two weeks later, the time had come. Faer started as his name was called, probably out of surprise and not fear. If there was anyone who didn’t jump when Galen called out his name with purpose, it would be Faer.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t (very wisely) somewhat hesitant in answering. 

“Galen,” Faer said, to the fearsome figure stalking up to him before the gates.

“Come with me,” Galen said.

“Well, such invitations you give!” Faer said, but jovially, shoving his hands in his pockets and falling into step beside Galen as he strode out the gate. “Will this take all day?”

“No,” Galen said. “I need two favors.”

Perhaps it was a trick of the perspective, but Faer almost looked disappointed that these tasks would not take all day.

“The first is very awkward,” Galen admitted.

“More or less awkward than the second?” Faer asked, still cheerful.

“I don’t know yet,” Galen said. He glanced up again at Faer walking beside him. “I don’t know what the second favour is yet. It could be very awkward.”

“Intriguing.”

He waited, but Galen didn’t seem to want to actually ask his favour. Unlike every other Ainjir Galen had ever met, though, he was not inclined to fill silences with chatter. It was probably very smart, but at the moment, Galen had trouble appreciating it.

“I need you to buy something for me,” Galen said. 

This was very serious indeed, and the bounce to Faer’s step departed for a long, sombre stride, which was also slightly annoying since Faer had much longer legs than Galen and it made their pace all funny. But Galen couldn’t complain – almost all the not-rich cadets knew that Faer was the one to ask for purchases outside their means, as his father’s law practice had generated considerable credit among the city merchants for the family. Despite being not at all rich, his reach was, in practice, second only to the most wealthy of the noble cadets. And he wasn’t a dick about it.

“So… like, how expensive? What is it?”

“A sausage.”

Faer stopped. A few moments later, Galen stopped as well. Then a few more moments later, he walked back to where Faer was.

“Is it, like, a very special sausage?”

“No,” Galen said, not certain Faer would understand the nuances of the situation, and slightly embarrassed that he felt compelled to add, “I don’t think it will be better than Servan’s, anyway.”

“But you need me to buy it?” Faer asked. He did not offer to lend Galen the money; he was, in fact, very smart.

“Yes, and it’s far – across the city.” Time was precious – they only ever got a few days of leave, and really only hours in each day.

“Sure,” Faer said, and resumed a position beside Galen, so they could continue walking. “Is this… related to the second favour?”

“Yes.”

“Is it… well, do I need to change, or like…I don’t know…”

“No,” Galen said, after a moment’s thought. “Better to be in uniform I think.”

They took a few more steps in silence.

“Is this going to get me in trouble with Servan?”

Galen scoffed, but because it was Faer, had the decency to look apologetic as he explained. “You’re Ainjir, it’s fine.” He paused, “but go to him next.”

Faer nodded, tension easing. “So, go buy sausages at two places and save one for you? That’s the mission? Honestly, I was going to go to Servan’s anyway. Anything else?”

“No, but don’t go to Servan’s now,” Galen said. “I need to speak with him.”

“Meet up later, then?”

Galen nodded, and all Faer’s cheerfulness returned.

**

A little more than an hour later, Nika sat at one of the high, tiny tables perched just inside the wall of Servan’s open storefront. This part of the wall backed to the tiny alley, in the depths of which Servan and his wife did their slaughtering, carving, grinding, and casing (at least part of this illegally, but that was none of Nika’s business). This half of the front of the shop folded up into an awning – much needed for the sun was bright today – but Nika had chosen the relative privacy of the smaller table and the shelter of the wall. There he drank tea in a leisurely fashion, all the various accoutrement of herb, citrus peel, sugar, the little dishes and spoons and sticks, arrayed before him, pretending (or not having to pretend so hard) to be too tired for much more strenuous activity on the first day of his leave.

Nika never allowed himself to be served all of the accoutrements of Midraeic tea. He also never sat inside the shop – not if he could help it – if there weren’t others with him to force his hand.

Servan knew when the gates opened to let cadets out on leave, so Nika had dallied as to not show up too early. They had passed their usual greetings, which had taken probably a half an hour – relatively brief, but Nika had the excuse of having the much reduced volume of letters from his family meaning there was not much to share that was not awkward, even for the canvassing of a butcher.

Now, Nika waited. Not because Servan was busy – it was not a particularly busy morning, but that didn’t matter, because Nika would always get a second slice of his time. Usually, if he was alone, he tried to leave before the second canvassing and would be caught, taking tiny steps backward out of the shop, having pastries or new medicines or herb bundles or off-cuts stuffed into his hands for at least another ten minutes (God help him if he ran into anything because he would be made to sit to be examined and served more tea (a whole pot!) and Servan’s wife would inevitably emerge and then all the Midraeic ladies would come to offer their opinions of his grievous injuries and really mostly gossip about everyone over his head occasionally clucking at him and telling him to sit and rest like he was an infant and it was a whole extra half-to-full hour).

Staying after of the second canvassing (never quite as long – perhaps only fifteen minutes at the most – and again, only when he was alone, and the social rules reverted back to all Midraeic rules), was an even clearer signal; Servan would present himself again, ready to stay.

“Puer, it is a fine day,” Servan said, bringing down the serving tray shielding his eyes as he moved from sun to shade around the edge of the wall.

This was not a pleasantry (‘ah,’ the voice of his father cautioned, ‘maybe not only, not only, not “not”’) – not only a pleasantry, but also an accusation. It was a fine day, why wasn’t he out enjoying it? It was a fine day, he should be spending it improving himself. It was a fine day, worth thanking God over, why wasn’t he observing while he had the chance?

“It is,” Nika said, but volunteered no more, as Servan had already settled himself into the tall chair across the table. Preoccupied with cleanliness, like a good Midraeic butcher, he kept a second set of pockets, protected by his apron, tied around his waist, from which he now took a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his brow, and which he carefully replaced, making sure he wasn’t sitting on it. 

“Ah,” Servan said knowingly, “you are having a hard time with your lessons?”

This was a bit silly. Servan always clucked sympathetically but never said anything about classes at the Academy, not even that he knew nothing about them – he would say, that was how much nothing he knew! – despite surely having heard enough years’ worth of complaints to be able to sketch the curriculum, if not pass the tests.

“Eha,” Nika said easily, “no more than usual. I know my sermones already, what else should I know?”

“A good boy, fili’s skola,” said Servan.

Platitudes – but then, so had been what Nika said.

“Not all would say so.” Nika said, switching to Midraeic.

“Let them say it to me!” Servan said, switching over himself as he thumped a fist on his chest, then tucked his serving tray under his arm.

“They would, if they were done eating,” Nika said with a deferential smile, “but then, they might not want to.”

“A loyal boy – you warm my heart, you know, in this place, it’s not like your towns – eha, your villages,” he corrected, in deference to the tininess of Nika’s home community. “We have to compete!”

While he was never rude, Nika was – even he had to admit – not usually this polite, which Servan’s self-correction noted. Servan was not fooled by this politeness (cooperation, maybe? Nika would like it termed cooperativeness instead of politeness), either. Of course Servan knew that Cole had visited some other butcher. Of course Nika knew who buttered his bread – or cased his sausages, rather. Truly, even more than a regular butcher, Nika was under Servan’s loving thumb.

“Compete for what?” Nika said. “The Ainjir?”

Servan made a wry face and waggled a finger at Nika, who sipped his tea. “You laugh, but every half-trained fool with a sharp enough knife tries to set up here, in the Capitol, where all the people are!”

“Why? Everybody’s settled, who are they going to take in?”

“Eha, clever boy,” Servan said, seeming to scoot towards the edge of his stool as if he might leave, “you just want to know who the new butcher is.”

“I have the word of God, I want for nothing,” Nika said quickly, “and anyway I can’t know who the new butcher is.”

At this, Servan pushed himself back onto his stool, but Nika took another sip of tea rather than continuing directly. He didn’t even look at Servan. The ‘can’t’ was doing work it could only do in Midraeic, when paired with everything else he did. Nika’s staunch and utter lack of interest in the new butcher – or Servan’s acceptance of such – meant that they could talk about him. Gossip was, after all, forbidden (a claim disputed in the commentaries, as it was not direct speech of the Prophet (obviously a result of the recorder’s hysterical grief (also disputed, several other tenets – some for which the punishment was death [citations of historical events to prove it] – were also so recorded (also disputed, definition needed: what is a tenet?))) look, was any of this really needed when the People exist in a perpetual state of sin? (disputed) Or was gossip inevitable, like sex outside wedlock? (disputed, disputed, disputed, and so on…)

“I only get leave every three months.” Nika set his teacup down. “What should I know, anyway?”

“Well,” Servan said consolingly, “not everyone understands.”

Ah, thought Nika, dully disappointed but not surprised – it was his relationship with Cole.

“It’s a posted schedule,” Nika protested, knowing very well that wasn’t what Servan meant, and also that Servan knew that Nika knew that wasn’t what Servan meant.

“Eha,” Servan said, almost as a grunt, waving away this protest, “everyone knows the cadets.”

“They know all the cadets?” Nika said, brows raised over his teacup. About as close to ‘have you gossiped about me outside of the acceptable radius of your couple hundred customers to the unacceptable radius of the whole city – I am a very private person’ as he could ever get.

Servan raised his shoulders and readjusted the tray under his arm as he made an equivocating gesture. He said, in an (insincere) apologetic voice. “They probably learn more things than they should really know, and think they know more than they really learn.”

“Prophet guide us, our neighbors’ fruit isn’t ours to taste, even if it falls into our hand.” This was, perhaps, the most annoying thing Nika could have possibly said, not only because it was (in context) an intensely vague parable, but because it was, technically, part of the teachings, though it was the kind of part that only a teachers’ son would bother to quote, and only in a bad argument (it wasn’t disputed but ALL of the later commentaries stopped by to make fun of it).

“What should I say?” Servan asked, in that kind of conversationally pleading tone one takes up when they won’t admit to a mistake. “I can’t stop my ears like a rabbit, to sleep.”

See – said Nika to the shadow of his father observing in his head – this is what I mean. Servan was a very good Midraeic butcher. He was the kind of Midraeic butcher that argued with you in your own voice (and he always argued) and put lesson up to lesson like a card player matching suits. But the Prophet willed it, had he gone to Academy instead of Nika he would have excelled. Their butcher back home had been a comparative idiot, and he only had so many families to track and they were all intermarried anyway.

“So they gossip?” Nika said, dropping the word in his best ‘teacher’ voice, making Servan blameless in this insidious practice.

“The Ainjir gossip,” Servan corrected, as if no Midraeic person had ever in their life gossiped. “The Ainjir gossip about all things.”

“What ‘all things’ do they have to gossip about,” Nika said, genuinely disgruntled. Of course, he already knew that (Cole had told him of the things they not just talked about but published, might God be blind). He meant it more as a rhetorical complaint, but Servan only raised his brows and looked away, at the ground.

“Eha! They do not!”

“They do,” said Servan.

“And this is all the way across the city?” said Nika, meaning, of course, only the Midraeic people in the city. It was about sex (and it was only more proof of their godlessness that the Ainjir would gather up, typeset, and print about it. Cole had told him not to worry – it wasn’t that Nika had worried, but he had been certain there was nothing truthful to put in about HIM, at least).

“You know all it takes is one visiting sister and opa,” Servan made a little explosion with his fingers, like a dandelion head bursting in the wind, “all over town.”

“So, what – they believe the little books and gossiping sisters about my business?”

“Child, your business?” Servan shook his head, then tilted it and held out mirrored hands. “Your friend, though?”

This time Nika really was caught by surprise. “Cole?”

“He has a bad reputation,” Servan continued. “It’s not for me to say, but it’s being said, you know.”

“Whose business is that?” Nika asked accusingly. (The answer being, of course, that it was his business, and his business alone. True, Ainjir were always open for discussion, but among the people certain niceties should be observed).

Servan turned his hands out as if to defend himself, then took the tray out from under his arm for a fan. “You’re a nice boy. You’re sacrificing for the people. You could be married ten times over, have twenty little children, and have your own skola, but you have this Ainjir, and, oof, this Ainjir.”

“This Ainjir what?” Nika said angrily, at some point having passed over into just genuinely complaining to his butcher.

“The mind dances and the heart stumbles,” Servan said with a sigh. “You know you’re smart, they know you’re smart, but you wouldn’t be the first! Not even the first with just this one.”

“Oof,” Servan said again, for emphasis, as Nika stewed.

It was a testament to his investment in Nika that Servan waited for him – fanning himself all the while with his serving tray – to get a grip on himself.

Nika, for his part, felt both the gentle, early stab a headache and a ferocious, aching, emptiness in his chest. He rubbed his forehead and tried to ignore both.

“I am not a fool,” Nika said.

“I know that,” Servan said, pointing emphatically at himself, then at Nika. “You know that.” He gestured expansively out with his tray at the city at large. “Them? They only know this boy is no good for you.”

“Eha,” Nika sighed, dropping his hand back to his tea, “no good? What do they know about no good? Isn’t the whole thing no good?”

Servan shrugged with divine complacency. “The holy seek to drown in the ocean of being loved, and loving.”

That was some Ainjir-Midraeic bullshit (it wasn’t, it was a near quote of a very well respected Comidrian poet-theosopher blessed to know the Prophet in visions soon after His death; Nika couldn’t even say it was disputed. It was just… argued about heavily between branches).

Nika grunted, arms folded. “Maybe they should think I’m no good.”

“Never, my child.” Servan laughed, heartily, and slapped Nika on the shoulder as he pushed himself off the high chair. “Even if you were no good, could they admit it?”

Nika smiled as Servan went, waving him off, then leaned back against the wall to rest.

He shouldn’t be so upset. It wasn’t the worst problem.

They thought Cole was a slut.

This was not an issue he had been expecting. The issue he had been expecting was that Servan’s uncanny protection would not withstand public knowledge of his taking up with Cole in the first place. That Nika would be rejected, perhaps not from the whole, but from significant parts of the Midraeic community in the city. It was nigh miraculous to Nika it had lasted at all. Even now his face heated the way it had when he had come to Servan’s knowing that Servan knew.

Because of course Servan would know, eventually. There was no way to hide from a Midraeic butcher. Even with the Academy walls. Not for long, anyway.

And had Nika wanted to?

Maybe. A little. For all it felt like home now, he had hated the whole system of butchers for most of his life. He hated the roundabout words, that his business wasn’t his own, that any little thing became the whole town’s concern (and big things – actual sins – sometimes these fell to the butcher before to the priest, IF they even came to the priest at all (lay your sins at the feet of the Prophet! (the patient face of his father rose before his mind, holding his hands up like Servan had, asking for peace (and HAD Nika laid his sins at the feet of the Prophet? (his face burned even more now)))).

Back home, it would be different. With his siblings behind him, he would have marched to the other butcher and accused him of passing tales of no significance. It would have been a great row; Catillia and Ursula would be delighted. Nothing would be concluded, of course, but he would have had his say – directly, the way he wanted to.

Because then, his mother would have reported on the whole town’s reaction and settled any lingering disputes in quiet teas with neighbours. His father would disapprove of the whole thing, but only say so if things got so that he actually heard about it from someone else. But his father would studiously avoid hearing anything, because he, too, would only want to hear what Nika’s mother would have to say and hope that settled it well before it got to him.

(Would they now, though? Would his family – his siblings – be behind him?)

Servan had done well by him. To a degree second only to his father, Servan grasped and believed in what Nika’s purpose at Academy had been (and what was it now?). He didn’t have to be as supportive of Nika as he had been, but he was, even in the matter of Cole (he wasn’t pleased – nobody would be pleased, would they? – but he understood).

Many things were different for the people of Midras in the city, who lived so close among the Ainjir. Just… Not, apparently, this:

IF Nika was a Good Midraeic Boy, Son of a Teacher, etc (which he was, thanks in no small part to Servan’s patronage)

AND the people Must Accept he was courting Cole (a severe disappointment – they had daughters!),

AND Cole was an Ainjir (less trustworthy at the base of it),

THEN it was clear that the Good Midraeic Boy Nika had been Fooled by the Licentious Ainjir (eha! A familiar tale!).

THEREFORE Cole was an Unfaithful Slut Who Would Break Nika’s Heart (this was Not Allowed because it would be a blow to the pride of the city’s Midraeic people).

In this, Nika was doubly an innocent, because his father was Geronese Midraeic. A teacher, even, whose teaching was, in their kindest estimation, of a tradition they would ascribe to only the most ascetic penitents (ludicrous, and anyway, he had his mother, too (God, they knew fucking everything)). This only made the situation more tragic.

And what could the people do? They couldn’t say anything to Nika – it wasn’t any of their business(!), one didn’t meddle in affairs best left to family(!!) – but not only did Nika have no family here to protect him (!!!) they were under no obligation to the Ainjir.  But, as Ainjir, Cole wasn’t privy to the business of the people so it’s not like they could just talk to him, either. So, Cole was being gently ostracised for his amorality in community affairs.

Honestly, this could have carried on for years without them noticing. Except that Nika wasn’t willing to have his access to Good Food threatened, and thus was interested enough to try to solve the issue.

At least, that was the reason at first. If he and Cole wanted to live on suspicious meat pies on leave, they could.

But this was still a slight against Them.

If Cole and Nika were a Midraeic couple, the people in the city would understand it that way, too. To question Cole’s faithfulness – to pass stories about his reputation in anything but the Most Hushed tones – was to insult Nika. They were insulting his fidelity, insulting his intentions in the relationship, insulting his judgement and partnership, to act as if he would not respond to aspersion cast upon his partner. Nobody would tolerate gossip that labelled their daughter unfaithful, promiscuous, and nobody would expect the one courting her to accept such a thing.

The people should understand that he viewed it that way. They should see it that way.

Because they didn’t get to apply some Midraeic rules and not others to Nika’s relationship. They didn’t get to pick and choose how Midraeic he was, or in what ways. That wasn’t the way It Worked, or it certainly wasn’t the way he was going to allow It to Work.

And, purposefully or not, Servan had given him an idea for how to Make His Point.

[bullet-prooflove]

OMG "Kelnon, Prompter of Matthew Keller" I love that! It makes me feel like a knight of the round table lol. Thank you for bestowing me the honor of being knighted, I'm glad I could make your morning better! And yes, I agree ol' Matty boy certainly does have a long way to go since he tends to keep all of his emotions locked away far down in the deep hole of his mind. It's like what Neal said to him during the last episode of the show.

[SPOILER WARNING FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN WHITE COLLAR GO CHECK IT OUT IT'S GREAT]

Matthew is once again giving Neal shit for being "too trusting," and Neal hits him where it hurts by saying that yeah, maybe he is very trusting but he also has many people in his life who truly care about him. Whereas Matthew is all alone in the world. And Ross McCall is such an amazing actor cuz you can see for a split second that Matthew was indeed hurt by what he said! There's this flash of pain in his eyes that slips away just ad quickly as you see him put on his "bad boy" persona again to protect himself. And then only minutes later have Peter shoot him dead, and the camera pans out to show him all alone with no one to mourn him??? So poetically tragic, I love it. One of the best TV villains!

Sorry for the long ramble lmao has it been made very apparent yet that I love him? Is it starting to become clear? Anywho, I'd also be curious to know what the "meet-cute" was for the reader and Matthew and at what point did both of them realize "oh shit, I might feel something for this person!?" But that's not an official request or anything! Only you get to choose what you write and don't write, and I totally respect that. I hope you're doing well! 💗

- Kelnon

I have always felt that Matt is very aware of his status as a 'Blue Collar Criminal'. Neal describes him as such in one of the ep. I feel like Matt is very working class, he knows what it's like to have to fight to survive, I imagine he suffered an abusive childhood with his father in a criminal gang and he had to 'work' otherwise he didn't eat or was punished. He learned the family business in a brutal way. He is ridiculously practical because he was never allowed to have the same moral opportunities as Neal. Emotions are weakness is a lesson he learned from a very young age and it's made him hard.

I think he had a very traumtic event in his youth regarding a woman betraying him. I imagine he fell in love, considered going straight and his father killed her so he would learn that love is a weakness and because he wanted to keep him close. I believe in return Matt killed his father before disappearing and making a name for himself. I don't think he has ever had a person who actually cared about him. Even the girl he was associated with was on his father's payroll, she was set up as a learning experiance. He felt genuinely for her but she did not for him. His father still killed her anyway because he could see the depth of Matt's feelings and thought he needed to learn that lesson.

I think Avery is a naturally warm, empathetic person but she's very coveted in their world. I think a lot of criminals playing at their level struggle to form relationships outside of other criminals because it means hiding those aspects of yourself. You can't tell your partner you're stealing a Monet because if you're caught they will become an accomplice so you have to have a secret life and that fractures a relationship. Also their world is very male dominated so the ratio of attractive women is very limited so Avery is used to getting hit on ALOT by the men she works with which makes her guarded. She has walls but she isn't afraid to be herself, she knows who she is and she doesn't try to hide it and that's what Matt finds attractive. She's the most direct and upfront person he knows, she cuts through all the bullshit and she sees through his bullshit.

I imagine they met through a joint assignment possibly through Neal. Game recongised game, afterwards they worked a few ops on their own. I think Matt loved the way she made him laugh, I think it's been a long time since he's allowed himself to relax. I think he fell in love with her ability to be open when he's so closed off. I think the moment he realised he was in love was when he found himself telling her about his history because she asked him to tell her something real about himself.

I think for her it started off very much as sex. Matt's attractive, intelligent, dangerious but he's emotionally unavailable, which originally made her feel safe as there was no danger of attachments. They had similar tastes and became very attuned to each other as lovers. I think it was very on and off, usually when they were in each other's orbit by accident and then I think for Matt it started becoming less accidental. I think for her she realised she enjoyed spending time with him outside of the bedroom. I have this image that once when they were casing a place as couple they both sat down in front of a painting they had no interest in stealing and he told her how he felt when he looked at it. Not from a technical stand point but from an emotional one and it really resonated for her because he was describing real feelings in that moment, something she had never seen from him before and she realised there was incredible emotional depth under the surface. Afterwards I think she took him for gelato and it became more like a real date, her arm linked through his as they walked through the park. They started doing more couple like things after that, dinner, wine tastings, art showings, things that weren't related to jobs they were pulling, things they actually enjoyed doing together.

[quicksilverdrabbles]

Riften 'Guard': Before I let you into Riften, you need to pay the visitor's tax.

Gaia: Hm? A tax?

Riften 'Guard': For the privilege of entering the city.

Gaia: *looking up at the stone walls of Riften* ... I hardly think Riften is worth a visitor's tax.

Riften 'Guard': Are you insulting my city, lass?

Gaia: I would never, sir. It's just that, of all the cities I have been to, which amounts to a total of four so far, I would say the only one actually worth a tax would be the likes of Whiterun.

Riften 'Guard': Sounds like an insult to me. Either way, no tax, no entry.

Inigo: How exactly did you get into Riften last time, my friend?

Kaidan: She, er.. Found another 'entry point'. Charged through Black Briar Meadery.

Riften 'Guard': You what-

Gaia: I see no issue. I was not trespassing, I visited during their opening hours.

Lucien: And got us banned.

Kaidan: The mead isn't that good anyways.

Gaia: There is no reason for Riften to enforce a tax on its visitors. I am convinced this is what humans call a 'shakedown'.

Riften 'Guard': Call it what you want. Give me the gold or leave.

Gaia: ... No, I don't think I will. Goodbye. *turns and walks away, the others following*

Taliesin: Wow. That was pathetic.

Gaia: I am not skilled in Speechcraft. I am told my voice is very monotonous, so it is hard for me to persuade people.

Kaidan: I've heard you change the pitch of your voice to convey other emotions, though.

Gaia: That is not supposed to happen.

Taliesin: Do you at least have another plan to get in? You said we have business here.

Gaia: ... How fast is your running speed?

Taliesin: ... That depends.

~

Team Dragonborn: *thrown out of Black Briar Meadery by Indaryn*

Indaryn: AND STAY OUT!

Kaidan: Well that didn't work.

Lucien: Lady Black-Briar is going to have us on her hit list at this point.

Gaia: You said you can run fast.

Taliesin: Not when I'm being chased by Riften guards in an enclosed space!

Inigo: We need another plan. I do not want to give even a rusty Septim to that arrogant gate guard. He did not even smell like a guard.

Lucien: Guards have a smell?

Gaia: Rerouting... The only way I can see forward is to give him the money. None of us passed his Speech check.

Kaidan: Still lost on what that means.

Taliesin: Oh shut up, you tried to scare the rat into submission and made him angry.

Xelzaz: *walking across the Riften docks, writing in a journal, not noticing the team sitting on the floor yet*

Kaidan: At least I didn't scream like a wee lass when a guard grabbed me.

Taliesin: I did NOT scream like a little girl, you brute!

Gaia: Your vocal pitch came very close to that of a child.

Inigo: Indeed. I thought someone had accidentally kidnapped a child.

Lucien: Do you think we could scale the walls without anyone noticing?

Gaia: No. Regular patrols are routed along the top every hour.

Inigo: Damn.

Xelzaz: *trips over Inigo's tail and falls over* Ow!

Inigo: Ouch! Hey, watch the tail!

Xelzaz: Oh dear, I am so sorry! I'm afraid I was rather lost in thought, I didn't see your... er.. *frowns, looking at everyone on the ground* You.. What are you all doing down here anyways?

Gaia: We were forcibly removed from the premises.

Xelzaz: Why?

Lucien: We tried to bypass the visitor's tax at the gates and enter through the Meadery.

Xelzaz: Ah, you must mean that rather irritable guard. Yes, I encountered him too.

Kaidan: Yeah, well, we don't want to have to give money to someone like him, so we're trying to find a different way.

Xelzaz: That seems like a horrible hassle to go through to save a few Septims.

Lucien: Ahaaa, well, to put it bluntly..

Gaia: Our combined funds are approximately 86 Septims. We would be broke if we gave him his tax.

Xelzaz: I see... Might I offer a suggestion?

Taliesin: I think at this point they would do anything but pay him. Go on.

Xelzaz: I recently brewed a fresh batch of Telvanni Bug Musk. I would be glad to offer it for your use to enter the city.

Inigo: Telvanni what-

Lucien: Telvanni??? Like House Telvanni of Morrowind??

Xelzaz: Ah yes, I suppose I neglected to introduce myself. I am Xelzaz, a Lawman of House Telvanni.

Taliesin: ?? But you are an Argonian. I didn't realize they allowed non-natives to ascend the ranks of House.

Xelzaz: It is a bit uncommon, but not unheard of. I happen to be rather competent in my selected fields of study.

Kaidan: Those being?

Xelzaz: Alchemy and magic study.

Kaidan: Ah, of course.

Gaia: Kaidan does not like magic.

Xelzaz: Hmph. Like all Nords, it seems.

Kaidan: I'm not a Nord.

Lucien: It is rather ironic, though. Taliesin and I both use magic as a primary combat resource.

Xelzaz: I'm rather partial to fire magic myself.

Kaidan: Egh, even worse.

Gaia: I believe we were talking about this 'Bug Musk'?

Xelzaz: Ah, yes. It will make you more attractive to other people. In turn, they become more agreeable and are more willing to do things for you. Such as, say, overlook a visitor's tax?

Lucien: Oh, brilliant! We'll take it!

Xelzaz: *pulls the bottle away from Lucien* Ah, forgive me, but I'm afraid this comes with a bit of a favor on my end. Call it bargaining, if you will.

Gaia: Yes, I assumed there would be a catch to this. What is it you require, then?

Xelzaz: See, I am actually on my way to High Rock to meet with a superior of mine. I could have travelled by boat, but this is my first time leaving Morrowind in quite some time, so I am looking to travel before I arrive at High Rock. Therefore, I am looking for a 'guide', of sorts. Someone who may know the land better than I.

Taliesin: All that for some bug musk?

Xelzaz: The musk is not all I would offer. As I said, I am a very competent alchemist, as well as a chef. I can cook and make potions, and I am also an avid fighter.

Kaidan: Well, it wouldn't be the first time we were hired as tour guides.

Gaia: Correct.

Lucien: Ahaa..

Taliesin: It seems like the best choice, right now.

Gaia: A new path has been revealed. Probability of Success: 92%. We accept.

Xelzaz: Excellent. Here is the Telvanni Bug Musk. *hands the bottle over to Gaia* All you have to do is apply some to your wrists and neck. The effects will last for an hour.

Gaia: Thank you, Xelzaz.

Xelzaz: My pleasure. If I may, what was it a moment ago when you spoke the probability of success? Your voice changed.

Gaia: I am a Dwemer Gynoid. Not human, or elf. A machine. My name is Gaia.

Kaidan: Oh, you've finally ditched that Greeting Protocol thing?

Gaia: I felt it caused some discourse to onlookers.

Taliesin: I think Calcelmo just about fainted when you told him you were a machine.

Xelzaz: A Dwemer Gynoid? How interesting. Your appearance is uncanny to that of the recorded appearance of Snow Elves.

Gaia: They were the model for my design, yes.

Inigo: Does this mean we can get off of the floor now?

Kaidan: Yep, up and at 'em. Time to go and get that guard to let us in this damn city.

[plural-affirmations]

I know I can't control who I split, but I feel like an asshole.

I (L) am friends with another system (S) and was acquaintances with one of S's friends (C) who was also a system. S and C knew each other for years, before S met me and before S knew they were even a system.

C died almost a year ago now. I don't have details but from what I understand it wasn't exactly.. Peaceful. C had a bunch of fictives from the same sources as us, but the one double between us wasn't a frequent fronter so it never came up much.

About a month after they died, we split a fictive of the same character that was one of their co-hosts and very close to S. He kept his distance for a bit, but eventually we worked it out enough to be okay around with each other. And then a few months later we split a double of a little that was in C's system, and S flat out asked us not to let her talk to/around them.

We split again recently. He's a double of C's main host. They were friends with S for nearly a decade. I'm honestly afraid to even tell S, much less let the new guy talk anywhere near them.

I know I can't control who I split. The ones who showed up are sourcemates to other fictives we have and we split easily. And I feel like an ass for telling them they can't talk in the main server all our friends are in, but I feel like potentially triggering S is also a horrible thing to do as a friend. I know they're not the same, they aren't introjects of the same people that were in C's system, but they're the same faces and same names.

I just don't know how to navigate any of this. I'm not used to dealing with death with singlets much less with systems and all of this. Sorry for the big word dump, I just don't really have anyone to talk to about this.

Oh, jeez. First of all, I'm incredibly sorry you're put into something like this. I can't even imagine how stressful it must be.

Second. You're not an asshole; you CANNOT control who you split. You're trying your best to navigate an extremely rough situation without stepping on anyone's toes. That alone is difficult, not even to mention the added nuance and complexities I'm not privy to.

Let me say it again: You. Are. Doing. Your. Best. That is literally all any of us on the planet can strive to do. You're not a bad person for existing, and neither are your system's introjects.

Personally, as much as it might not seem like the most appealing option, I would discuss this directly with S. You mentioned them being a system as well, so you've at least got the added understanding than if they were a singlet. It's important for everyone in this scenario to express themselves and open up communication; no one needs to stay silent in a time like this. Especially not while there's unspoken (or possibly hurt) feelings going around like bad cold.

Speaking of talking, have you tried communicating with your headmates in question about this? Like... asked how they're doing, what they think, etc. Because they might have insight I don't. They deserve to feel loved and valued like everyone else.

To me at least, in the long run, it's not really fair to keep them away from fronting in your own server; I imagine that's something of a safe haven for you&, so denying them that outlet seems... Not Great.

I guess it comes down to this: are you willing to sacrifice your& own comfort and wellbeing for the sake of staying vaguely peaceful with S? Because... well. This is my 2 cents worth, but I think you should always put your system first, even if it's hard to.

Anyways. I hope this helped even a little bit, or at least that having somewhere to talk about this was meaningful.

Stay safe, ok?

🖤💜💙💚💛

[daxwritesstories]

College AU Part 24: Dammit (Cyra) Janet

Content warning: dubcon, implied violence

Scene 1: Feel The Pain

(Scene title by Dinosaur Jr.)

INT. Roman's office - Noon

Roman is sitting at his desk. He's bent forward, looking through his bag that's sitting on the floor. He hears the door open but can't see who it is.

ROMAN: I'm on my lunch break.

Roman gives up looking through the bag and sits back up to see Cyra closing the door behind her.

ROMAN: Oh it's you.

CYRA: It's me! And I brought you something.

Cyra throws a folder onto the desk.

ROMAN: What is it?

CYRA: It's the cast for the musical. Auditions start this afternoon so I wanted you to know who to cast.

ROMAN: That's not how this works, Cyra.

Cyra frowns.

CYRA: What do you mean?

ROMAN: I can't just cast all your friends. It would look suspicious. Besides, I'm only the co-director. I'd have to convince your prof to go along with it.

CYRA: You convinced him to do Rocky Horror. Why can't you convince him to cast people who will obviously be the best candidates for each role?

ROMAN: There are, like, ten main roles. That would be a lot of work for me.

CYRA: If you were good at your job you'd be able to do it.

Roman laughs. Cyra gestures at the folder.

CYRA: At least look at it.

Roman picks up the folder and opens it. He reads over one of the papers inside and raises an eyebrow at Cyra.

ROMAN: You wanna be Columbia?

CYRA: Yes, but I don't need your help with getting that part. No one would do a better Columbia than me.

Roman reads more.

ROMAN: You didn't cast anyone as Janet.

CYRA: I don't care who plays Janet. She's a boring character anyway.

ROMAN: Who's Devin?

CYRA: I dared him to audition for Rocky. If he actually gets the part it will be the funniest thing ever.

ROMAN: You want me to cast someone for the sake of a joke?

CYRA: Come on, it'll be hilarious.

Roman smiles and closes the folder. He sets it back down on the desk and then stands up. He walks around to the other side of the desk. When he gets close to Cyra, she nervously takes a step back.

ROMAN: I thought you weren't afraid of me.

CYRA: I'm not.

ROMAN: Then why are you running away?

CYRA: I-I'm not. I just lost my balance.

Roman looks Cyra up and down, thinking.

ROMAN: Did you lock the door?

CYRA: Yes.

ROMAN: Why would you do that to yourself?

CYRA: What?

Roman suddenly grabs Cyra by the waist and spins her around to face the desk. He puts his hand between her shoulders and pushes her face down onto the desk, bending her at the hips.

ROMAN: You probably should have run away.

Cyra turns her head to give Roman an annoyed look. Roman just presses down harder on her back.

ROMAN: This is a huge favor you're asking me.

CYRA: I know...

ROMAN: Do you just expect me to help you out with anything now? Even if I don't want to?

CYRA: I always give you something in return.

ROMAN: Yes, but it's kind of getting old. I'm bored.

CYRA: What? You're bored of me?

ROMAN: You're not the catch you think you are, Cyra. You haven't offered me anything that I can't just go out and get at a bar. So why should I keep risking my job by pulling favors for you?

CYRA: Because you're a prof and I'm a student. You have power over me. Isn't that why it's fun for you?

Roman laughs.

ROMAN: You have a point. But I think that's why it's fun for you too.

CYRA: Huh?

ROMAN: Lately I get the feeling that you're not really sacrificing anything anymore. You might actually be having more fun than me at this point. Do you find me attractive?

CYRA: Uh– I don't understand–

ROMAN: Just be honest with me. You think I'm hot and you like it when I take advantage of you, right?

Cyra hesitates for a moment and then swallows her pride.

CYRA: Maybe a little...

ROMAN: Yeah, thought so. That's not very fair to me that I always have to do something I don't want to do, all the while you're just having fun.

Cyra closes her eyes and sighs.

CYRA: What do you want me to do then?

Roman glares down at Cyra for a moment. Then he looks around the room.

ROMAN: Stay put.

Roman lets go of Cyra and walks to the other side of the room. Cyra stays bent over the desk. Roman stops in front of the small whiteboard. A meter stick is resting on the ledge beneath it. Roman runs his fingers across the stick.

ROMAN: You don't like pain, right?

CYRA: I can take pain.

ROMAN: But you don't like it.

Cyra rolls her eyes.

CYRA: No. I'm not a masochist.

Roman smiles and picks up the meter stick. He turns around and Cyra's eyes widen in fear when she sees what he's holding.

ROMAN: Lucky me. I don't like masochists.

CYRA: Um... why...?

ROMAN: Because it's not fun for me if you're enjoying yourself.

Cyra swallows nervously, looking terrified.

Scene 2: Dammit (Cyra) Janet

INT. Theater - Afternoon

Bella and Halo are sitting next to each other in one of the rows, along with a few other girls. They all have scripts in hand.

HALO: If I knew they'd be starting this late I would've gotten something to eat.

Bella nods in agreement. She straightens her back to look at Jamie, who is sitting in the front row.

BELLA: I thought there were two directors.

HALO: That's probably what we're waiting for.

The door to the theater opens and Roman walks into the room. Jamie stands up as Roman walks over to him.

JAMIE: What took you so long?

ROMAN: I had some marking to catch up on.

JAMIE: Today isn't a good day for that.

Roman shrugs and sits down.

ROMAN: My bad.

Jayce attempts to sneak into the room, catching both Bella and Halo's attention since they are close to the door. Bella groans and ducks her head down to her lap.

BELLA (whispering): What's he doing here?

HALO: Oh... what a pain.

BELLA (whispering): He doesn't even like musical theater.

Halo sighs.

HALO: I have a feeling someone asked him to audition.

BELLA: Whatever. I'm just gonna ignore him.

JAMIE: Okay, everyone listen up! Since the audition song is Dammit Janet, you'll be performing in pairs. We will assign the pairs based on where your name is on the sign-up sheet.

Halo gives Bella a worried look.

BELLA: No. There's no way his name was on the same spot as mine. There's, like, thirty people in here.

We cut to a bit later. Bella and Jayce are standing on the stage together. Bella is avoiding looking at Jayce, while Jayce stares at her with worry.

Roman leans over and looks at the clipboard that Jamie is holding. He notably has Cyra's folder on his lap.

ROMAN: So you're Bella and... Jayce?

When Bella doesn't say anything, Jayce jumps to answer.

JAYCE: Yes!

Roman smiles.

ROMAN: Nice to meet you, Bella. Don't I know you from somewhere?

Bella blushes and giggles.

BELLA: I'm minoring in voice. You've visited our classroom a few times.

ROMAN: Ah, I see.

Roman squints at Bella thoughtfully, obviously recognizing her from Cyra's party. He doesn't seem to recognize Jayce despite meeting him a few days earlier.

JAMIE: Alright. Take your places and we'll start the song.

Bella and Jayce turn around and walk to the center of the stage. As they get ready, Roman leans over to talk to Jamie.

ROMAN (whispering): I already like Bella.

JAMIE (whispering): Yeah, we'll see how good her acting is. She seems nervous.

ROMAN (whispering): She doesn't seem nervous to me. Just shy. Perfect for Janet.

Jamie nods. Bella and Jayce begin performing the song, acting out the scene that goes with it.

JAYCE: Hey, Janet.

BELLA: Yes, Brad?

JAYCE: I've got something to say. I really love the skillful way you, uh...

Jayce hesitates and checks his script. Roman frowns.

JAYCE: Beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet.

The music begins and Jayce starts singing his part of the song. The rest of the students shout "Janet!" between the lines to amuse themselves.

JAYCE (singing): The river was deep but I swam it

AUDIENCE: Janet!

JAYCE (singing): The future is ours so let's plan it

AUDIENCE: Janet!

Jayce's singing is good, he can carry a note easily. Unfortunately, his acting is a little stiff. Roman picks up on this right away and leans over to whisper to Jamie again.

ROMAN (whispering): What's this kid's name? Jayce, right?

JAMIE: Yeah.

Roman opens Cyra's folder just enough to pull out the top of the casting sheet to read it. We see a close-up of the page. Jayce's name is next to "Brad". Roman lets out an annoyed sigh and looks up at the ceiling, closing his eyes.

ROMAN (whispering): Cyra...

JAMIE: What?

ROMAN: Nothing.

Jayce reaches into his pocket and pulls out a plastic ring. When he kneels in front of Bella though, he drops it and misses his line while trying to pick it up. He continues singing once he manages to get it.

JAYCE (singing): That's good, bad, or mediocre

Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so

Bella does a twirl before beginning her verse. Most of her nerves about performing with Jayce seem to have subsided after seeing him embarrass himself.

BELLA (singing): It's nicer than Betty Monroe had

AUDIENCE: Oh Brad!

BELLA (singing): Now we're engaged and I'm so glad

AUDIENCE: Oh Brad!

BELLA (singing): That you met mom and you know dad

Bella has a beautiful, angelic singing voice and she's completely in character. Jamie looks impressed and Roman just seems enamored with her, watching her with a smile.

BELLA (singing): Oh Brad...

JAYCE: Oh... Dammit!

The "dammit" sounds genuine. Jayce knows he screwed up the performance.

BELLA (singing): I'm mad...

JAYCE: Oh, Janet.

BELLA (singing): For you...

JAYCE (singing): I love you too

BELLA & JAYCE (singing): There's one thing left to do

The music stops and everyone claps. Bella and Jayce immediately go back to avoiding each other. Roman leans over again.

ROMAN (whispering): I think we found our Janet.

JAMIE (whispering): I agree. Not sure about Brad though.

ROMAN (whispering): Don't you think they have chemistry though?

Jamie looks at Bella and Jayce as the pair look in opposite directions of each other. He gives Roman a confused look.

JAMIE: Huh?

ROMAN (whispering): I just get the feeling they know each other.

Jamie looks unconvinced.

JAMIE: Well, thank you, Bella and Jayce. You may sit back down.

Bella and Jayce both nod. They walk in opposite directions off the stage.

Scene 3: Everybody's Gay

(Scene title by Lizzo)

INT. Jayce & Leon's dorm - Afternoon

Enzo, Jayce, and Leon are in the dorm together. Enzo is sitting on Jayce's bed, Leon is sitting at his desk, and Jayce is pacing.

JAYCE: It was the fucking worst! Like, what are even the chances that I'd be paired up with her?

ENZO: I thought you two were getting along again. Prince said that Bella's been acting more friendly the past few weeks.

JAYCE: That means Bella and Prince are getting along. Not me and Bella.

Jayce makes a frustrated noise and Enzo smirks.

LEON: Well, besides all that, how did the audition go?

JAYCE: I fucking bombed it! Bella being up there with me made me nervous and I choked.

ENZO: I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

JAYCE: It was pretty bad.

ENZO: I doubt that Bella did badly.

JAYCE: No, she was amazing. She's definitely getting cast.

ENZO: So then don't worry about not getting the part. I'm sure you two working that closely together would have been awful anyway.

Jayce sighs.

JAYCE: I guess you have a point...

Feeling the conversation slowing, Leon slowly turns his chair around and looks at Jayce.

LEON: This is off-topic, but I have to ask you a really personal question.

Jayce and Enzo both look confused.

JAYCE: What?

LEON: Did you have a guy over the other day?

Jayce looks surprised by the question and Enzo starts laughing.

JAYCE: How... did you know?

Leon nods towards the end of Jayce's bed, where a men's jacket is lying.

LEON: I was just wondering where that came from. And I almost walked in on it until I heard you.

Enzo casually picks up the jacket and examines it. Leon glances at Enzo and then back at Jayce.

LEON: Sorry if I outed you.

ENZO: No, I already knew. There was this one time–

JAYCE: Shut up!

Enzo bursts into laughter. Leon smiles.

JAYCE: I thought you didn't care if I brought people over?

LEON: I don't. I just wanted to ask what it was like.

ENZO: Oh...

JAYCE: If you're that bicurious, why don't you just try it?

LEON: How? I don't know any guys who are... you know.

JAYCE: It can't be that hard.

ENZO: Well how did you do it?

Jayce shrugs.

JAYCE: I dunno. I was getting my laundry and he just sort of... came up to me.

Enzo and Leon both laugh.

JAYCE: What?

LEON: You make it sound so easy.

JAYCE: Well, it's not like I left the dorm looking for that.

ENZO: Was he hot?

JAYCE: Yeah.

Jayce thinks for a moment and then points at Leon.

JAYCE: He was at the Halloween party. He was dressed like a wolf and I saw him dancing with Cyra a lot.

Leon's eyes widen in shock.

LEON: Whoa!

ENZO: What?

LEON: That guy's, like, really hot. At least, from what I remember.

Enzo smiles at Jayce.

ENZO: Look at you go.

Jayce sighs.

JAYCE: I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Jayce walks over to his messy desk and starts looking for something in the pile of papers. Enzo leans forward to talk to Leon.

ENZO: You could probably just ask Cyra who that guy was if you're that desperate.

JAYCE: Hey!

Leon and Enzo both laugh. Jayce's phone suddenly buzzes, distracting all of them. Jayce picks it up and reads the text. He groans in frustration.

ENZO: What?

JAYCE: Cyra just fuckin' canceled on us.

ENZO: What? Come on, man.

Jayce throws his phone at Enzo.

JAYCE: You can argue with her if you want. I'm not gonna bother.

LEON: Is this for your band practice?

ENZO: Yeah. What could be more important than band practice?

Scene 4: HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U ! ! !

(Scene title by CORPSE)

INT. Boys dorm hallway - Night

Cyra and Devin are walking together. They both seem a bit nervous.

DEVIN: I hope this is worth it for you. I still can't believe you let me do that to you.

Cyra snickers.

CYRA: You need therapy.

DEVIN: So do you.

The pair fall silent again.

DEVIN: So, um, are you, like, involved with this dude? He was asking about you a couple weeks ago.

Cyra stops in her tracks. Devin stops too.

CYRA: He was talking about me?!

DEVIN: Uh... yeah. He was asking me and Connor if we were friends with you.

Cyra smiles with glee.

CYRA: Wow...

DEVIN: So, are you?

CYRA: Um, well...

Cyra trails off and looks around to see if there's anyone nearby. Then she looks at Devin again.

CYRA: Can you keep a secret?

Devin gives Cyra a confused smile.

DEVIN: Sure.

CYRA: Ace says that he owns me.

DEVIN: Like... in a sexual way?

CYRA: I'm not really sure what he means.

Cyra rolls up her sleeve to show Devin her tattoo.

CYRA: These are his initials.

Once Devin looks, Cyra rolls her sleeve back down. She then grabs the padlock on her collar.

CYRA: His initials are here too. Says he doesn't want me to forget.

DEVIN: Huh. Did he ask you if you were okay with all this?

CYRA: No. He doesn't need to.

DEVIN: Cyra... He still should ask even if he knows you'll say yes.

Cyra smiles and fixes her hair.

CYRA: What are you, my mom?

Cyra starts walking again and Devin joins her.

DEVIN: I'm just looking out for you. I know you're only 18.

CYRA: Yeah, but I'm not stupid. I know what consent is.

DEVIN: Uh-huh...

They arrive at Ace and Zayn's dorm. Cyra knocks on the door.

CYRA: Don't blow this for me.

Devin snickers.

Ace opens the door, wearing an almost completely see-through black dress. Cyra's jaw drops when she sees him. Devin looks him up and down thoughtfully.

ACE: You're late.

CYRA: Uh...

Cyra nervously glances at Devin.

CYRA: The elevator was slow.

ACE: Hm... Come in.

INT. Ace & Zayn's dorm - Night

They all walk into the room and Ace closes the door.

DEVIN: Where's your roommate?

ACE: He's out of town this week. I have the place to myself.

Devin nods and Ace locks the door. Before Devin can say anything else, Ace steps into his personal space.

ACE: Why? Worried we won't have enough time?

Ace runs his hand down Devin's chest. Devin glances at Cyra. She nervously nods. Devin sighs and looks at Ace again.

DEVIN: You've been talking a big game. If I'm gonna do this I want it to be worth my time.

Cyra smiles and Ace bites his lip.

ACE: Oh, this will be the best sex of your life. Trust me.

Ace turns around and grabs Cyra by her hair, dragging her over to Devin.

ACE: You're gonna help me.

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 15 of Gideon the Ninth

Harrow's plan for destroying the bone construct sounds fun, and sounds fun to read about, I'm interested to see how it goes. It's interesting that necromancy has "theorems", I just saw a post recently about how it's mathematical in nature, but Harrow also talks about it like weaving, and previously it's been described like programming. Although, if you go back to the roots of it, programming, math and weaving are all pretty closely related

Is Harrow actually frightened of not being the first person to become a Lyctor? Or maybe social anxiety, but I feel like Gideon is actually right that she should have some solid MO for formal social events at this point. I wonder if there's some particular person in Canaan House right now that she's afraid of, there's a couple different options that might make sense, I think at the top of the list we have Ianthe, knife-face/mayonnaise uncle who is still without a name, and maybe Palamedes, but these also strike me as the people who were least likely to attend Magnus's anniversary party. I'm not sure if she thinks/suspects that Dulcinea is evil yet

Teacher thinks Gideon could tell Harrow some interesting things about the relationship between the 4th and 5th Houses, but I'm not sure that's actually true? I think Teacher might be overestimating Gideon's attention to detail and general political acumen

I've looked up a bunch of lock diagrams, and I don't know what he could be referring to here unless he's talking about the pins/tumblers, which don't seem like words that are apropos to this discussion. Unless locks work differently here?

Goddammit Gideon, that was an interesting conversation, I almost thought I was going to learn something about about this universe for a minute there

Also, that was a Dune reference

So, ok:

There was a Resurrection (of the Emperor?), and then later "sovereignty" and the Cohort, and it sounds like the time period she's talking about after the Resurrection but before the other stuff was when the original Lyctors were around/ascended

It sounds like Abigail is not going to inherit even though she is the heir? Or traded some future that she was promised to her brother in order to come to Canaan House to attempt to become a Lyctor

I see this is like Star Wars and we're deathly terrified of things like C-sections. Also, I guess Ianthe really was born second, but was sent to Lyctor Camp anyway. I have no idea what knife-face means by "a wasted opportunity". Naberius's only role among the three of them so far seems to be to stick up for Corona to Ianthe, and neither of them are having it

I appreciate the use of itty-bitty text for most of what Jeannemary and Isaac say, even when it's actually directed at Gideon specifically

I mean, I think Harrow wants to become a Lyctor before anyone else can become a Lyctor, but I have a feeling there might be some other answer here

Ok, someone help me out here. I cannot social interaction. I cannot with Meaningful facial expressions. I cannot with whatever this is. What is this? There is something Being Communicated here, and I do not know what it is. Is this supposed to be sexual attraction? Is this a way that people describe sexual attraction? I mean, Gideon seems to think it is, but like, she's not a reliable narrator. This seems very antagonistic to be sexual attraction, and while yes, I understand that antagonistic sexual attraction is apparently a thing in this book, these two specific characters are just Not It for the antagonistic sexual attraction so that does not make sense to me

I think Harrow is overestimating Abigail's ability to make headway on the bone construct puzzle. The puzzle requires having a cavalier that can actually fight, which is something I do not think Abigail actually has, although Harrow may not actually know this herself

[duck-in-a-thrift-store]

Personal rant bc we haven't gotten my official results yet but we did get a very stressful phone call about it, and because adhd has been kicking my ass lately. This is going to be long and rambly and all over the place, and if you're anti self-dx, I wouldn't suggest reading further (or interacting with me in general). It also sort of becomes just me psychoanalyzing my own behavior and infodumping about it

-------------------------------------------------------

For context, I'm autistic and adhd, and I went and talked to a psychologist a couple weeks ago and had some testing done

Personally, I don't really feel the need to have an official diagnosis for autism. I'm confident in my informed self-diagnosis (technically it was actually my parents who first suggested I might be autistic but I've learned a lot about it since then and now I'm pretty sure I'm more convinced than they are) and I just don't think a doctor's note will do much for me (totally understand and support anyone who does want to get diagnosed tho). Adhd however is another story. If I want meds that will actually work and accommodations with my school, they need proof, and as things are I am desperate for some help.

So the appointment I had a couple weeks ago was supposed to be for adhd testing, but apparently he also lowkey tested me for autism while we were there. Which like, fine, whatever, it would be sort of nice to have that validated I guess, but when we checked back in with him on the phone earlier this week he started using outdated and problematic terms like high-functioning and aspergers and I'll just say that it did not exactly inspire confidence

But that can of worms aside, let me get back to (mostly) adhd related ranting

I feel like there could be an essay about how the diagnostic process for adhd is flawed and doesn't work all that well for people who have an internalized notion that their worth as a person is dependent on their academic success and task performance and therefore spent their childhood and adolescence funneling all their efforts time and attention into school and generally being seen as a good well-behaved bright kid out of desperation to have value (and it worked- I've always made good grades, but what people don't see is the days, weeks, months of paralyzed procrastination, the anxiety-fueled mad rush in the end to get things done late, and the grace I'm inexplicably shown every time, without which my grades would be much worse)

I'm scared, that I'm going to be determined "too high functioning" to be diagnosed even though I'm currently doing basically nothing with my life outside of college and yet I'm technically failing like half of my classes right now, that they're going to say "well the signs weren't there when you were younger" even though there's a variety of explanations for why that might be, not the least of which being the fact that for some folks with both autism and adhd the traits of the two have a tendency to "hide" one another

Apparently he also ran an iq test on me, and he broke down the 5 scores to us; I scored in the upper average/above average bracket in all but the 4th, processing speed, in which I'm below average. And like yeah, I'm well aware that I'm slow, but I guess it's official now-

Anyway, my main point with the iq thing was that while he was telling us about my high scores in the first 3 areas, I'm sitting here getting more and more uneasy, bc I'm like yeah sure I'm intelligent or whatever but it isn't worth shit if I can't motivate myself to actually do anything with that potential, and the conditions under which I was tested just don't reflect my day to day life closely enough to give an accurate reading, in my opinion.

Basically I'm afraid this guy is going to look at the results of some tests- tests which I was really focused on bc of the intrinsic fear of failure that plagues my existence (even though rationally I know you can't fail a psychological evaluation) and bc I know it's a bitch of a process to even get tested in the first place and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity goddammit-

That he's going to look at them and decide that I'm "too smart" to have a learning disability, when, again, all the brains in the world wouldn't do me any good if I

1) don't have the ability to self-motivate and direct them at what I need to be working on, even if I've been beating myself up about that pile of homework or my disaster of a room for weeks or even months, and

2) have such a loose grasp on the concept of time and priorities that I have on multiple occasions found myself pulling all-nighters on personal projects or reading for pleasure or scrolling on my phone only to realize oh shit I have to get up for school in like two hours, oh fuck, I'm going to be exhausted all day, what happened to "let's go to sleep early this time, I'll just do this for like 5 more minutes and then call it a night"

or realize after one of those all-nighters that what was actually a period of about 10 hours feels more like 10 minutes to me ("man wasn't I literally just here to get dinner" the next morning, passing the caf on my way to class on exactly 0 hours of sleep and still having managed not to get any of my actual class work done in all that time)

And also just that tendency in itself is significant, to get so deeply hooked on something once it does manage to get my attention, that I often feel like I can't stop until outside forces demand it- staying up until 4am on a school night painting my phone case and texting my crush (14 or 15), making bracelet after bracelet at the kitchen table at ungodly hours of the night because I couldn't sleep and now that I'm on a roll I don't want to break the momentum (18, a few months ago), throwing horrific amounts of time at reading fanfiction of whatever series currently has my interest when I have so much work that needs to get done if I want to have a chance at passing my courses this semester (18, basically present), making a last minute birthday present for my aunt and being so caught up in the rush and the craft of what I was working on that I ignored my body's needs until I ended up pissing myself (12), etc

The fact that I've been meaning to catch up with my high school friends for weeks or months, literally something as simple as a "how have yall been" in the group chat, yet for some reason I still haven't gotten around to it

The fact that for all my alleged intelligence I still haven't learned to ride a bike or drive a car or apply for a job or develop a work-life balance or play any of the instruments I want to or have a thriving social life or feel like a person (I think these are more autism-related but I'm throwing them in anyway)

The fact that minor (or even just mistakenly perceived) disapproval or judgment or teasing or having a text left on read can send me spiraling into anxiety and convinced that everyone hates me and that I'm worthless or obnoxious or stupid (rejection sensitivity is a bitch)

The fact that when I try to read I have to make a constant conscious effort not to jump ahead and all over the place and I often have to reread the same passage multiple times to understand it because I realize that I wasn't actually paying attention the first couple of times, my mind elsewhere and my eyes wandering

I know even if I do get diagnosed they'll say it's inattentive, not hyperactive or combined, because the majority of my hyperactivity is either fairly subtle movements (because I'm socially anxious and clumsy and don't want to draw attention to myself or run the risk of breaking or disturbing something) or just straight up in my head. Like sure I'm not a nine year old boy who can't sit still in class and is constantly bouncing around all over the place and getting into trouble and driving his parents and teachers crazy (bc being seen as annoying and unruly by authority figures would have broken me), but there's always so much noise in my brain, it's always talking or playing music in the background or thinking about the 47 different projects I need to be working on and the media it wants to be engaging with instead and the 1000s of things there are to worry about in a day; sometimes I'll get stuck in a loop where I'm mentally repeating a word or phrase over and over and over again until I feel like I'm going crazy

All of this is stuff that this guy doesn't see, and that worries me when it comes to the validity of his assessment

But basically, what I'm trying to say is, I swear to god if the people around me don't believe that there's clearly something not neurotypical going on here I'm going to fucking riot

And, ranting aside, I want to end this post with a note to all my fellow neurodiverse folks who are waiting for answers or treatment or validation or support or whatever.

I feel you. Hang in there. You have my well wishes in your endeavors. And remember, it's ok to be happy with or proud of who you are and what makes you different, it's ok to embrace your neurodiversity while also acknowledging how difficult it can be to live with and the fact that you might need extra time or support with things that seem to come easily to other people. It's ok to admit that it's fucking hard sometimes, and it's ok to ask for help. Take care, mates