#anyway closeted people are so cool and brave

[mmhcs]

The Big Dance (Prom AU)

Summary: Inspired by Chance the Rapper's 2019 album The Big Day (if you've listened to it, please tell me your favorite song off the album in the comments!).

Features: Gender-neutral reader, no mentions of reader's gender

Warnings: Mentions of grief and missing a loved one

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Miles Morales likes to consider himself brave.

Throughout the past four years, he's done a lot of brave things—especially during his career as Spiderman.

For one, he leaped off a skyscraper and into raging traffic. He was half-confident in himself, but he did it anyway.

And then there was that time when he followed Gwen into the portal, helped Pavitr and Gwen save Mumbhattan from collapse.

Oh, and when he challenged Miguel O'Hara about his understanding of the Multiverse. That was scary. But Miles did it and he managed to survive.

Point is yes, Miles Morales considers himself to be a very brave person.

Which is why he is so confused as to why he's struggling to simply even imagine asking you the question that has been lingering on his mind since September.

"Dude," Ganke says, looking away from his phone screen. "Just ask. You've been crushing for so long that these feelings might actually crush you."

Miles knows he's caught now. For the past few months, he's been casually mentioning that he wants to ask you to prom. And for the past few months, Ganke has only listened to Miles' ramblings with nothing more than one-word responses and nods that indicate his support and agreement. It's part of the reason why Miles loves to talk to him especially about this; in infinite universes full of people who demand so much and always want an answer, Ganke is the person that listens and understands.

Until now, though.

Ganke looking up from his screen is very rare. But when it does happen, it means that he's serious and is either about to give Miles some advice or tell him how stupid the decisions he makes are.

"I know, I know," Miles says as Ganke opens his mouth to say something else. He begins to pace back and forth, spouting all the possible things that he feels his best friend is about to say. "Miles, the world's not gonna end if you get rejected! Miles, we're still gonna go to Prom and turn up either way. Don't worry, man!"

"Okay, first of all, I do not sound like that," Ganke crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. "And secondly, did you just say that we're gonna 'turn up'? I swear, sometimes you act like someone's twenty-six year old uncle,"

Miles pauses his pacing. "What? I think it sounds cool. Is that not what we say today?"

"No, Miles, that's not what we say." Ganke sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "Anyways, look, man, you've been talking about asking (Y/N) to Prom literally all year now. I think you should do it—you two are always together—but I can't make the decision for you. If you want to do it, do it. If you don't, that's sad but Prom is gonna happen either way. All I'm saying is don't let fear stop hold you back."

With that, Ganke turns back to gaming.

Miles stands there, letting his words sink in.

Ganke is right.

If Miles hadn't jumped off of that skyscraper, he probably would have gone home and stuff his suit so far back in his closet that he would have thought it to be an old Halloween costume the next time he pulled it out. If he hadn't stood up to Miguel, then his father would have died. And, if Miles doesn't ask you to the prom, then he could possibly miss out on one of the best nights of his life—and regret it.

"Yeah," Miles says to himself, slowly beginning to nod his head.

He will ask you to Prom. And either way—whether you say yes or not—he'll walk into the venue and end his high school career knowing that he finally did one of things that he's been wanting to do for the past four years.

"Yeah!" Miles yells now, wanting Ganke to hear. "You're right, Ganke! I'm gonna ask (Y/N) to Prom!"

"Knew you'd do the right thing," Ganke's tone is slow and lackadaisical once more and his concentration is still on his video game. But Miles knew that his friend was being sincere.

"I'm gonna go—"

"Score!" Ganke yells as his player in the game dunks a basketball into the hoop.

"Exactly!" Miles is nodding frantically now, hyping himself up. Before he has room to further question himself, he opens the door and says, "See 'ya, Ganke! Don't wait up!"

"Uh-huh."

And with that, the door to their shared dorm closes and Miles sprints through the halls of Visions Academy, with a mission (and no plan).

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"Okay, let's see,"

Miles opens his contact list and begins to scan through the potential givers of advice that he could do.

First up was his dad, of course. That man, as square as he is, was able to pull his mother. And credit has to be given where credit is due, Miles supposes.

Second is Peter B. Parker. Though when he and Miles met, things with MJ were less-than-ideal, Peter managed to change, win her back, and now they have a baby together! You have to possess some pretty good game to pull that off.

Third was...everyone else.

Of course, there are a million and one other people besides his father and Peter B. that Miles can ask for advice but those are the first two options that came to his mind and he's kind of stressed for time.

Smiling, Miles goes to click on the contact icon for his father. He's about to press the 'call' button when he remembers Jefferson's words from the last time that Miles called him at work.

"Miles, son, I love you—I really do. You're my son and I'm always here for you. But please, don't call me at work unless it's an emergency. And, for reference, not knowing where the Cheez-Its are is not an emergency. I'm talking when lives or grades are in danger and your world is ending—that's when you call me!"

Miles makes a face.

Technically this is an emergency. The trajectory of his life could be changed. Who knows? Maybe he and you would get married someday. Maybe you two are destined to be and if he doesn't ask you to Prom then he'll have screwed up the positive trajectory and you two will be cursed to live miserable, loveless lives.

Miles inhales sharply at the thought.

Yeah, he's calling.

"Hello?" Jefferson picks up on the first ring. "Miles, what's up?"

"Hey, Dad," Miles says the words slowly and awkwardly, not knowing how to proceed. "I, uh, need your help with something."

A sigh comes from the other side of the line. "Miles, if you're calling to ask me where the fish crackers are, I swear, it's gonna be me and you boy—"

"No, no, Dad, it's not that!" Miles waves his hands as he speaks as if Jefferson could see him. "It's—I'm planning on asking someone to the prom and I wanted your advice on how I should—"

"Oh, is this your little friend that you met freshman year?" Jefferson asks sounding ten times happier and calmer than a second ago.

"Yeah," Miles nods, glad that his father remembers you but also impatient. "I was just wondering if you could give me some advice considering that you're married and made me—"

"Son, while I would love to give you some advice right now, there's a ten-thirty that we need to take of down here. Can this wait till I get home?"

Miles moves the phone away from him so that his father won't hear the deep sigh threatening to spill out of him.

Ten-thirty. Great. And people are probably going to expect Spiderman to handle that, too.

"Yeah, Dad, it can wait." Miles says, trying his best not to make his disappointment evident. "I hope everyone's okay down there. I'll probably swing by in a second."

"Thanks, son," Jefferson sighs into the phone and Miles doesn't know if it's from stress about the situation or because he too is sharing in his son's frustration of not being able to this needed conversation. "I love you. Be careful."

"Love you too, Dad. See you soon."

Miles hangs up the phone and pushes his hands against his eyes.

That didn't go as planned.

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After swinging by the robbery, Miles decided to head to the Spider Society in order to find Peter.

He expected it to be a challenging task, considering that Peter is always with Mayday and Mayday is always everywhere, but it may be possible that after his failed conversation with his father, today decided to cut him some slack because Miles didn't have to search for long before he found Peter (and Mayday) sitting at a table in the cafeteria, eating lunch.

"Oh, so you want love advice?" Peter asks in between chewing his fries. "I got 'ya, kid. You came to the right place."

Miles sits across the table, his eagerness growing by the second.

"Okay, first thing's first: You gotta be calm. Cool and collected. Which, admittedly, you have a hard time with. So I'd start there."

A burn, but advice nonetheles.

"Okay, well, what about what I'm supposed to say?" Miles urges. "Do you have any tips on that?"

Peter scrunches his face and look up at the ceiling for a moment, thinking. He hums all the while, causing Miles to inch further in his seat until he’s hovering over the edge of the chair.

"No." Peter finally says at last, picking up another French fry. "But I did write a speech for MJ when I first asked her out. I rehearsed everything that I wanted to say in mirror at least fifty times until it stuck. It was absolutely worth it to see the smile on her face when I finally said it in-person. And plus, I still remember each and every word to this day. So maybe you can try something like that."

Miles nods frantically again.

Should he be taking notes? He feels like he should.

"Okay, and what about—"

"Peter!"

Before any of the two could blink, Miguel O'Hara appears behind Peter, his somber aura casting a dark cloud over the previous atmosphere of the conversation.

"Hey, Miguel!" Peter says cheerily. "I'm helping Miles ask his crush out to the prom. Wanna join in? Give some advice to the youngins—"

"Peter, I know ate the empanada in my office from earlier." Miguel tells him so serious and gravely as if Peter had done something far worse.

"Oh, right, that!" Peter perks up and snaps a finger, remembering. "Well, you see, Mayday is teething and we were both hungry so without thinking, I may have—"

"Come with me."

"What?"

"I said come with me."

"Why? Where are you taking me?"

"You're going to get me another empanada."

If it wasn't Miguel speaking, Miles would be on the floor laughing. But because it is Miguel and because Miguel is interrupting a very important moment, Miles only stares as the interaction progresses, with Miguel eventually picking up Peter by the shoulder to get him to stand up. He then ushers Peter to the food line but not before looking back at Miles, a bit apologetically.

"You're smart, you can figure this out, kid," he says. "Do what feels best. Be yourself."

Miles only stares in disbelief as Miguel marches back to his office but not before telling Peter to bring him the empanada and not eat it.

For what feels like the thousandth time today, Miles sighs with disappointment and frustration.

Seriously?

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"Hey, Uncle Aaron,"

Miles sighs as he plops himself in front of the gravestone, gleaming thanks to the recent rainstorm that they had the other day.

"How are you? I'm stressed."

Miles wastes no time explaining his predicament to his uncle. He starts from the very beginning, telling him how he met you freshman year but never got the chance to introduce you two to each other, how your friendship has grown stronger over the years and how and when he realized that he had feelings for you.

"...And I've been trying all day to get some advice but it just seems like everyone's too busy. And, of course, no one's more of a love guru than you were."

Thugh his last sentence is a joke, Miles's face falls.

Were.

"I miss you, man. Some days it's hard to keep going without you. But I do. I wish that you were here so that you could give me some advice. You would've been the first person that I went to..."

Miles inhales deeply.

No, he's not going to cry—this isn't meant to be a sad visit. He's just here to get some things off his chest.

"But anyway, I got into Princeton!" A proud smile creeps up onto his face. "Yep! Gonna be majoring in Physics! Dad and Mami have warmed up to the idea of me going away and now Mami can't stop telling everyone about her son, the Ivy League scholar!"

Miles continues on, talking and updating his uncle about his life until he notices the sun beginning to set. Then, reluctantly, he days up his uncle's gravestone one last time before heading home.

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Hey son gonna be home late 4 dinner.

Still gonna talk tho.

Miles groans as he rereads his dad's texts over and over again.

At this rate, his promposal is going to be an absolute failure.

Miles flops back onto his bed with a defeated sigh.

"Miles?" Rio knocks on his door gently even though there is already a wide enough crack for it to be considered open. "¿Qué te paso?"

"It's nothing, Mami," Miles mumbles, not even bothering to hide the sadness in his voice. "It's just been a rough day."

"A rough day?" Rio frowns. She hates seeing her son like this. Despite all of Miles' moments, he's a good kid. And he's her kid nonetheless. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Miles nods and in an instant Rio is at his side. She sits down on his bed (which is made for once) and begins to gently card her finger through his hair.

"Ay, when was the last time you got a haircut?" Rio asks, trying to lighten the mood. "Are you trying to copy your multidimensional twin or something? You can't show up to the prom looking like this!"

Though it's a joke, the comment elicits another groan from Miles.

"Is this what this whole mood is about?" Rio asks, gesticulating to her son's defeated position. "The prom?"

Miles only nods in confirmation, the action rustling his bedsheets.

"Oh, Miles," Rio coos, bringing her son's head into her lap, "why didn't you say anything, mijo?"

"I did say something!"

Miles's hands shoot up in the air and one narrowly misses Rio's chin. She gives him an icy glares to which he apologizes.

"Sorry—I'm sorry," Miles sighs. He didn't mean to; it's just been a really frustrating day. Feeling like nobody has time for him and that he no one's priority.

"It's just that this is important, you know?" He huffs, running his own hand through his. "And it feels like no one around me cares! And I know it's not true—everyone's just really busy—but I need someone to help me. Someone to be my own Spiderman for a bit. Just someone to care."

Rio looks down at her son fondly. Her heart feels as though it's about to split in two. She wants to cry because her baby boy has grown into a young man with such an ability to articulate his feelings. But she also wants to cry because her baby feels alone—and he never should. Not while she's around.

"Oh, Miles, I'm so sorry about your day and that no one was around to help you, mijo," Now Rio's fingertips begin to ghost across his right temple. "But I'm here now and I care so please, tell me what's on your mind."

And so he does.

For the umpteenth time today, Miles starts from the very beginning and talks about you, how you guys met, how he realized that he has feelings for you and, of course, how he's been wanting to ask you to prom for a while now.

All the while, Rio listens and nods intently, smiles when it's appropriate, and tries to keep herself from happy crying at the young man before her.

"I think that it’s beautiful that you're putting so much thought into this proposal, Miles," Rio begins when it's finally her turn to speak. "But the truth is that no one can tell you how to plan the perfect promposal. Not me, not your father, not Peter nor Miguel. Only you know the person so deeply and intimately. Everything that we tell you to do should be taken into consideration, not as a fact. Only you know how this person so deeply and how your relationship functions. Use that to your advantage, mijo. You have a creative mind; let it shine and take the lead. Because you can say the same standard 'te amo' like everyone else does but it's how you say it that counts."

There's a beat of silence as Miles processes everything that his mother just said.

And then it clicks.

He knows what he's going to.

"Yeah," he says once more to himself. "Yeah, I know what I'm gonna do!"

Rio smiles. "You got it, mijo?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do, Mami!" Miles exclaims with a little laugh. He jumps up and wraps his arms around his mother for a tight hug. "Thank you, Mami! ¡Te amo mucho! You always know what to say!"

"My pleasure, mijo,"

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A week later, you and Miles are walking through the empty hallways of Vision's Academy hand-in-hand.

It's something that you two don't normally do but with this scavenger hunt that Miles has planned for you, you think it best that he guides you before you end up somewhere that you're not supposed to be.

"Okay, and now we reach the cafeteria," Miles says, gesturing to the grand, dimly-lit space. "A hint for your next clue: it involves us all those years ago on that fateful day that you discovered that I could turn invisible."

To anyone else, this would be a puzzling riddle. But you've grown to know Miles—all parts and aspects of him—throughout these four years. And so, the memory comes easily to you.

"Oh my gosh!" you scream, remembering. "It was that day when you kept hyperventilating after that Chem test!"

"Ding-ding-ding! Correct!"

You laugh looking back at it now. Miles was so nervous because was convinced that he had gotten a B on that test—the last one of the quarter—and was worried that he would end up with a B+ on his report card—a grade unacceptable for both Princeton and his parents who expected him to maintain that A+ that he had recieved last report card. The poor boy kept turning invisible every other breath. You couldn't believe it. So, once he was calm, you asked him to sneak you a few extra chicken tenders from the cafeteria line just to male sure that you weren't going crazy.

You look around the cafeteria for a moment before spotting something on the lunch line. You rush over to it, only to be greeted with steaming hot chicken tenders (how? You don't know.) and a note in the center.

"Chicken tenders almost as hot as you," you read, your words faltering a bit towards the end.

You had your suspicions about this scavenger hunt of Miles' but you never thought that there was a possibility of them being true.

Was this it? Were you finally going to hear him say that he liked you?

"And now on to the art room!" Miles urges. You must give him a look because he adds, "You can bring the chicken tenders too, don't worry."

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Maybe the walk to the art room is longer than you thought or maybe you're just hungrier than you thought because by the time the two of you make it into the hallway containing the classroom, you're down to two chicken tenders.

"Okay, who wants to play Guess What’s Behind This Door?" Miles asks nervously. He tries to play it off as much as he can but he can't help it—not when you two have gotten to this point in your adventure.

"Is it a snake?" you ask dumbly, taking another bite of your second-to-lst chicken tender. You have a feeling about what’s behind the door but you don't want to get your hopes up.

"No."

"A box full of puppies and kittens?"

"Nope."

"More food?"

"Nuh-uh."

Okay, well that was kind of disappointing.

You take a moment, feigning thinking.

"Is it...a promposal?"

At this, Miles' eyes widen. He swears, for a moment his heart stops. And then it starts beating again—and rapidly so—when he sees the shy yet hopeful look on your face.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," he says, opening the door.

To his luck, the promposal still does surprise you. So much so that your last chicken falls out of your mouth as your jaw drops from shock.

Displayed all around the room are photos, paintings, paintings, and props—memories of your friendship. And in the center of the room is a painting that reads Will You Go To Prom With Me?

You've always known that Miles enjoys art, so much so to the point that he could create his own museum. But you never imagined that he feels that same level of passion with you.

"Everything in here is a collection of you and me and the memories that we've made together," Miles begins. He's speaking slowly and putting extra emphasis on properly annunciating his words—both for his and your sake.

"Everything on this scavenger hunt was, really. Because every time when I'm with you, that's what we do: we make unforgettable memories to look back on and I—" Miles pauses now, searching for words. He'd rehearsed this speech a thousand times and yet he still managed to veer off course. Dammit.

You look at Miles intently but you give him time to collect his thoughts. It’s not easy to do this, as much as you would like to think so. If it was then you would have told him how you feel a long time ago.

"What I'm trying to say is that I like you!" Miles finally says. "I think that you're amazing and wonderful and I know that this may seem sudden but I know—I've known that you were the person that I wanted to be my date—and date, if you're up for all of this—for a long time. So, this is all a really long way to say will you go to Prom with me?"

"Yes!"

You barely let Miles finish his last word before you say it. You spin around, taking everything in, stopping when you reach Miles.

Both of you stare at each other as if it's the first time you're meeting.

And, in some regard, it is. This is the first time that you two are exposing such a raw, vulnerable side to each other and you both can't help but stare in awe at the sheer beauty radiating off of the other person at this moment.

"Hey." Miles says sheepishly.

"Hi." You return the awkward tone.

Before you can think, you close the distance between the two of you, pressing your lips to his. Shocked at first, Miles quickly melts into it, his bodying visibly relaxing as his hands move down to your waist, pulling you closer.

The two of you stay like that for a while and when you both pull back, you're both a bit red and nervous to look into each other's once more.

Best promposal ever.

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A/N: Okay, that's enough writing for one year. See y'all in 2025! (H/jk)

[kasagia]

Can't catch me now... pt. 2

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling xgrisha! reader Summary: The Hunger Games in Ravka. 12 districts. 12 tributes. 12 mentors. 11 young people die every year. 1 winner. Aleksander was a mentor to many. But only your face will haunt him for centuries. Inspired by: The Hunger Games. I changed the world of both of them a bit. Word Count: 4,4 k Taglist: @flostvs1508 @watersquirtpewpewboomm @aoi-targaryen @summersummoner-pat @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi @msblacklupin Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist PART 1 ~•♤♤♤•~

"You look like death. Have you even slept an hour?" You shrug at Genya's question. The woman sighs and works on your face to make you presentable. "The general was furious. He's a good man, despite everything they say about him. You have to understand that... he didn't expect this turn of events, and his stoic attitude was violated. I swear, this is the second time I've seen him lose his cool. And I've been here since I was a child."

"When was the first time?" You ask curiously, not believing her for a moment. You couldn't trust anyone here. You could only count on yourself and no one else. You missed Alina a lot.

"I will tell you this with a complete twist. Anyway, if someone asks, you didn't know it from me. 40 years ago, in the Hunger Games, the General was... asked to be a mentor. Her name was Luda. She was brave and beautiful, with a good heart and a pure soul. She was a healer in her village. She volunteered. In exchange for her younger sister."

"And what happened? He scared her with his shadows because she was a vegetarian and didn't want to eat meat to get stronger?" You mock, as she is making final amendments to your look.

"She died." An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Genya was blindly combing your hair, obviously thinking about her. You could see from the look in her eyes that she must have been especially close to this tribute. "She was... close to the general. He had been mourning her death for a very long time. And I don't want to spread rumours, but the tribute who killed her and won the Hunger Games was found hanging in the forest near his home village. His family was soon convicted of conspiring against the crown and hanged in a more… spectacular way."

"I feel like you're not telling me this just to satisfy my curiosity." You guess as she finally pulls away from you.

You don't know what's worse, when she fixes your face with her strange power or when she looks at you intently, looking for something else to improve your appearance. You weren't used to caring THAT much about yourself. Because who would want to look at an orphan?

"I just want to warn you that… our choices don't necessarily affect only us." You roll your eyes at her attempt at intimidation. Of course. He couldn't make you do anything himself, so he sent his minions to convince you. Quite pathetic, like for the terrible Darkling, who everyone feared.

"I am an orphan. There's nothing he can take from me. I... I have nothing left to lose or to care about..." You say it quietly, rubbing your wrist with your hand. You try hard not to think about Alina and Mal. Your only family... all you have left after those you lost.

"And your life?"

"We're all going to die someday, Genya." Your soft whisper seals the uncomfortable silence.

You think about your parents and siblings—everyone you lost—and the life you could have had that fate ripped from you before you learned how to fight for yourself. You lost everything as a child. There's nothing left for you. At least nothing good.

"Here. You look amazing. There is only one thing missing." She says this with a smile and takes out a long, black coat with black and white embroidery from the closet. It's a kefta. A fucking kefta.

"What the hell is that?" You ask angrily, standing up from your chair and looking at the piece of clothing in utter disgust.

"The general ordered it especially for you. You are a Grisha. You are one of us, and you should present yourself as such." She says this and puts the kefta on the chair.

You walk up to it and run your hand over the material. You expected something rough—just like the general's character—and uncomfortable to wear, since the keftas protected Grisha from every blade and bullet, but this... was nothing like armor. It was soft and cozy. Like velvet. Nothing you may have experienced in your district.

"Black? Isn't that his colour?" You ask, trying to reassure yourself of how terrible this damn thing is.

"Merzost is closely associated with the Darkling bloodline in our culture, since he used it to create the fold. Consider it a… coincidental coincidence." You snort when you hear her explanation. If anything, it was a sign of belonging. The general's new toy. Freak of nature. What a pity he'll lose you before he can use you for the good of his fucking Grisha.

"Other people won't see it like that. You know this, so stop lying to me." The redhead sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"Just put it on. People need to know that the king broke his word to Grisha to force you to participate in the Hunger Games, breaking part of the covenant between us."

"This isn't my war to fight, Genya. Besides, I'm going to die in games anyway, so what's the difference?" Your response only enraged her more.

She didn't raise her voice, and you wouldn't have recognized her emotions unless you saw her hands tremble slightly before she placed them behind her back. You wonder how many times she has had to hide her true feelings.

"You have Merzost in your veins, the most powerful force you can draw from. Do you really want to give it all up? Lose the opportunity you have in front of you? Do you know how many of us have been waiting for you?" She asks with resentment in her voice, but you really don't want to argue with her.

You know it doesn't make sense because they are all here believing in some stupid children's story, a fairy tale that made you a savior in their eyes, and now, since you have finally arrived, you are supposed to fly around and pretend to be a hero you know you are not. As if you could do anything you wanted.

"I was dead long before I was chosen for The Hunger Games. Year after year I was only prolongs the inevitable. I am sorry, but that's the truth. Don't get your hopes up."

"I see that my favourite suicide is in good shape today." Your discussion is interrupted by the appearance of the Darkling. You sigh, rolling your eyes at him. You seriously considered throwing yourself at the spear of one of those ancient armored knights that decorated the halls of the palace. At least you wouldn't have to endure his presence any longer. "Are you rested? Fed?"

"Don't you have something else to do instead of keeping an eye on me? Or send your minions to do it for you? This is getting tiring and irritating." Genya gives you an offended look. She huffs, leaving the chambers as she gets a nod from the Darkling.

"I am your mentor. It's my duty to take care of you." He says, clasping his hands behind him once you're left alone. He looks at you carefully and takes a step towards you. This time, you don't step back but stare at him defiantly.

"Then it is with great pleasure that I would like to relieve you of this obligation." Your words only make him chuckle. He straightens a piece of your hair, tucking it behind your ear. His fingertips brush against your cheek, making you shiver. However, you do nothing to let him know how much his proximity bothers you.

"Oh, you won't make it. Only a king can do this. Do you like your kefta?" He asks, changing the subject. You turn your head towards the offending fabric still hanging on the chair.

"It looks like a floor rag." You say, not hiding your disgust. He chuckles darkly again. He takes the kefta in his hands and unfolds it, pretending to look at it carefully as he walks over to you again.

"Then Karamzin must be richer than I thought, if this is what your floor rags look like. Especially the orphanage."

"Have you been rummaging through my files? What for?" You ask in shock, trying to mask your fear. If he finds out about Alina and Mal… you don't want to have any more deaths on your conscience.

"Better put it on if you don't want to find out very soon." You decide to follow your better judgement instead of your pride and turn your back on him, letting him put on the hideous kefta. Surprisingly, the material hugs you perfectly. You feel warm and soft—the complete opposite of what you know. You gasp in shock as he reaches for his belt and pulls you towards him. You bump into his chest as he tightens the belt around your waist. "Good girl. Now, put your hand in the crook of my arm and smile nicely, and everything will turn out great today. And if you keep behaving as a good girl, you'll get dessert tonight."

"I'd rather gouge out my eyes and sew my mouth shut than be an obedient little doll that you can dress however you want and show everyone."

"I'd reconsider it if I were you. The chefs baked a chocolate cake today. With chocolate-covered cherries on top. Have you ever had a chance to eat something like it?" He smiles, almost mischievously, as he stands next to you, still waiting for you to follow his instructions.

"Son of a bitch." You mutter under your breath and he laughs. He must have been drunk. He couldn't be in such a good mood. Not him.

"That's actually very ture, my little wellspring." He says and leads you to a slaughter worse than the Hunger Games... he leads you to a party for the Games. Among the nobility. You shudder just thinking about this nightmare (not because he puts his bigger hand on yours).

"You have a very beautiful dress!" You force a fake smile on your lips when a noblewoman compliments you.

"Thank you." You say, sipping your glass of wine. The only good thing that happened to you at the party was alcohol. And even then, the Darkling tried to limit you to this one pleasure, making sure that you didn't drink too much.

Your head hurt from all the nonsense conversations with all these people who were only famous for being born into rich families. Terrible. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice several tributes also struggling to maintain their composure. At least you weren't the only one.

However, after you turned out to be Grisha, the rest of the tributes tended to avoid you. You knew from the beginning that you wouldn't have any friends among them, but it would be nice to have one friendly soul in this terrible place.

"I didn't think the people of District 12 would fit into our community so well, but you, darling, look absolutely perfect." You barely stop yourself from throwing the glass you're holding at her. Instead, you tighten your grip on him and smile politely at her, gritting your teeth in anger.

"I'm glad I can surprise you."

Fortunately, you don't have to talk to her anymore. The general approaches you quickly, noticing your tenseness, and with his natural grace, he places his hand on your waist, starting a conversation with a woman who turns out to be a close friend of the queen. Oops. It's better that he came to you, because you wouldn't apologise if you accidentally allowed Merzost to break free and turn her into a volcra.

As you stand next to them, as larger crowds of women begin to gather around you, you realize a terrible truth. The Darkling was your only support here. Him and Genya.

You flinch as he suddenly tightens his grip on your waist and guides you away from the group of noblewomen, who giggle as you both walk away. You allow yourself to roll your eyes at them.

"What the hell was that?" He asks you angrily, setting your glass down on the table. You automatically reach for it again, but he grabs your hand before you can take it and keeps it away from the alcohol.

"I was just about to ask you the same fucking thing." You respond in a defiant tone, glaring daggers at him. Your stomach was starting to growl, and the bastard wouldn't let you touch anything to eat until you fulfilled your end of the bargain and behaved yourself. As you and he can see, you didn't do very well.

"Don't grimace around them as if they were pouring salt into your open wounds." He says it angrily and lets go of your hand. He reaches for something from the buffet. You freeze when he hands you a tiny plate with some fruit. You lick your lips, staring at your food for a moment before looking back at him. "It's for avoiding causing a drama. Partly. Try harder, and I'll let you eat whatever you want."

"But that's what they do! Do you have any idea what it's like to have to stand there smiling and nodding your head while these snobs from the capital talk about how your people and the city are octopus and beneath them?!" You hiss so only he can hear it, but you take the plate of food from him anyway. God knows when you'll get something again.

"I'm Grisha. I know exactly what you are going through." You would laugh at him mockingly if you didn't have a mouth full of food. He looks at you disgusted, and you quickly get the hint and eat smaller portions.

"Please. You've been doing fine since the Hunger Games. At least your people don't have to die every year to the delight of a bunch of sadistic idiots with stuffed bras and fake hair." Your comment makes him bite his lip, but he still can't help but smile a little. Few people could make him laugh and laugh at the same time. As you can see, Merzost wasn't the only special thing about you.

However, your hostile look reminds him that you are in the middle of an argument, and it is his turn to present his argument. God, how much work he had to do with you. You will kill him before he can get you safely through the Hunger Games.

"But years ago we were hunted by all of you, and somehow I don't spit on every Ravkan and kill them for it."

"Because you didn't experience it. If you were there, you would act differently." You sound confident. He shakes his head, wondering how you would react to the truth. Although now he seems to be more interested in food than in anything he has to say. He had to finally feed you. His Merzost Holder couldn't go hungry. It's enough that you experienced hunger and poverty in District 12.

"You think?" He asks, setting your empty plate on the table and offering his hand to you. You look at him for a moment, confused by the sudden… change in his attitude.

"General?"

"You can dance, can't you?" He asks, taking your hand, and without waiting for your response, he leads you to the dance floor. The rest of the mentors have no such idea, so you both are closely watched by all the participants in the ball.

"A little." You say shyly, something he's experiencing from you for the first time. He smiles fondly at you, which, of course, you don't see, too embarrassed to look at anything other than your shoes. But others see. The general's small smile does not go unnoticed by his closest soldiers.

"I guess I have to work with that." He says this and gently lifts your chin to look at him. He places a hand on your waist, and the other holds yours in an iron, steady grip. "Eyes on me. Put your hand on my shoulder and try not to fall. Keep up with me, and everything will be fine."

All you can do is trust him, which you do with surprising ease for him. Somehow, he can't take his eyes off you. You looked gorgeous in the black kefta, especially with his symbol embroidered on the back—a little thing you didn't need to know yet. And so, looking at you, Aleksander can't help but wonder what it would be like if he met you under different circumstances. Maybe if he were younger, less experienced... if his mother's words didn't ring so loudly in his head every time he started to feel something akin to tenderness towards you. Maybe if he hadn't lost so many...

Meanwhile, you try to fight the strange feeling he gives you every time his skin touches yours. You feel a strange pull, a calling, and you realise how your power, the same one you tried to ignore and forget for so many years, comes to life under his touch. You hated it. And him. For trying to break down the walls that you put up for so long and so hard. For trying to make you the Grisha you hated. For making it so easy for you to sink into the arms of the Black Heretic ancestor.

And at the same time… it was nice to feel important for a change… even if just for a moment.

So you dance with him, agreeing to this little moment of truce between you two. Deciding that you would look for answers later as to why you felt so attached to him. And why every time he touched you you felt so… powerful.

"That was awful." You groan as you finally return to your chambers, with the Darkling by your side, of course.

He hasn't left you since that dance. He was always somewhere next to you as you talked with the nobility. You have gained several sponsors and the favour of important people in Os Alta. The Darkling was pleased. And you're exhausted.

"And wonderful. You did great, much better than I expected. The servants should bring our dinner soon." He says, sitting next to you on the couch, watching as you take off your kefta and throw it in the corner of the room. He bites his lip, deciding not to comment. He already expected a lot from you today. The manners lesson could have been taught another time.

"Our?" You ask surprised, not expecting him to stay longer than necessary.

"Do you mind?"

"Yes." You answer honestly and straight away, to which he just laughs.

"I wish I cared." He replies with a mischievous smile. You roll your eyes as you take off your shoes and try to pick any pins out of your hair. Genya seemed to enjoy tormenting you. There were definitely too many of them. "So a healer? Really?" He asks, referring to your last conversation. Someone asked you what you wanted to do before you got into The Hunger Games. You decided to answer truthfully once. Of course, you were laughed off and called a sweet, naive soul willing to help. You wanted to vomit on their polished, gold-plated shoes.

"Why not?" You ask angrily. He raises his hands defensively with a smirk, seeing how fed up you are with everything that happened today.

"It's rather… a thankless profession among the common people. Healers usually come to them when they are dying. Relieve suffering. They are the harbinger of death, almost like a reaper. Usually, they are not coming to actually extend their lives."

"So you must have had similar experiences." You scoff, making him think about it. This wasn't what you expected. You were expecting a rather harsh answer. Not a pensive, almost sad look. For a moment, you think that maybe he, too, could just be human. You shake your head. No. He was just one of them. He couldn't have any... human feelings or know the real pain.

"Painful but true. They don't get excited when they see me either." His whisper should make you change the subject, but after the terrible day he put you through, all you want to do is stick a pin in him where it hurts the most.

"I wonder why..." You start, but he cuts you off before you can finish.

"Don't mock. You were behaving so nicely. I prefer you to smile than spit acid."

"I wish I cared." You repeat his words from a while ago, trying to imitate his tone of voice. He rolls his eyes at you, but somehow you both do nothing more than make snide comments to each other. Taking advantage of the relatively quiet moment between you, you decide to ask him honestly. "What do you want from me?"

"To win." He replies simply, playing with the ring on his finger. He rolls it over on his finger, resting his chin on his hand as he looks at you intently. A shiver runs through you as the dark depths of his eyes meet yours. Undeterred by his short, evasive answer, you continue, knowing that this is your only chance to get something from him.

"And then what? You won't let me go back to my district." You say, knowing perfectly well that this is not an option for you. IF you win.

"You are right. You will live here. With Grisha. The people you belong to." You frown, dissatisfied with his answer. You weren't Grisha. You will never be. No matter how much he pushes and forces you to become one of them.

"Unless I die, which is very probably since I am not going to kill anyone on the arena." You remind him. He doesn't seem to take your promise seriously. You don't convince him. He will see for himself in the arena how serious you are about your decision.

"You won't die." He says it firmly, as if it were an obvious fact.

"How can you..."

"YOU WON'T!" He yells at you, standing up. You sit stoically in the same position as before, watching as the shadows in the corner of the room gather around him. He sighs and waves them away. "I've been waiting a long time for you, Y/N. You are the one of your kind and even more precious than a Sun Summoner. I won't see your dead body. No matter how much you want it."

"Leave." You say, too tired to argue with him, to tell him that you have no intention of being an obedient tool in his hands, that you won't be a weapon that he can use.

"That's my palace." Furious at his words, you get up to face him. You look at each other with pure hatred.

You are too tired to notice that a dark mass is beginning to form around your arms. But Aleksander sees it. And he watches with fascination as you let your powers slip through. Out of curiosity, he summons his shadows behind you. Just a small black cloud. However, for some reason, under the influence of your powers, the room is plunged into complete darkness. He looks at you in shock, realising that you had unknowingly empowered him by providing him with energy from Merzost. Unbelievable.

"And my room for a while, so prove to me you can sometimes be the nobel man everyone told me you are and leave me alone." You whisper; all you can see in the dark surrounding you are its irises, analysing you with undisguised fascination and admiration.

If only you trained, if you learned to control what was inside you... Aleksander wouldn't have to take anyone into account; he could just declare himself tsar, threatening the Ravkans to expand the fold if they didn't recognise Grisha's greatness. All he needed was you.

"As you wish." He says, deciding to let you win this fight. He takes your hand and holds it tight as he calls his shadows back to him. They come back in a second. One blink, and the darkness in the room disappears. Impossible. Even his mother didn't have that much control in her glory days. He wondered if you would have this effect only on him or on other Grisha as well. But no. He won't share this secret with anyone. Not yet. For now, you were only his little wellspring of power. "Tomorrow is the first day of your training. 7 A.M. Don't be late, or I will drag you out of your bed by myself." He says, letting go of your hand and walking towards the exit, trying hard not to steal glances at you. He would have to look into his grandfather's journals and old books. You were a real mystery. And he was just waiting to see what more you could do besides complete him perfectly.

"Go to hell." You mutter under your breath, rubbing the hand that was in his iron grip a few moments ago. You felt that stupid electric thrill again. It definitely had to have something to do with your strange connection. Darkling and Merzost Holder. You had to find out more about it. Maybe you need to start being nice to Genya after all...

"Excuse me?" He asks, turning around in the doorway when he hears the insult from you.

"Sleep well." You reply with a sweet, cynical smile. He shakes his head in amusement and decides to ignore your behavior. He'll give you a hard time at training tomorrow. See how far your skills range. With a little training, who knows... maybe you'll be able to bring people back from the dead.

Involuntarily, his thoughts turn to Luda. If he had you by his side earlier… no. He couldn't think about her. He knows that history would have turned out the same way. Because even if you had revealed yourself to him earlier, he would have been too busy with you to see anyone else.

Aleksander promises himself that he will do everything to prevent you from becoming his second Luda. He had enough ghosts of his past tormenting him at night. And you can't become another one of them. If necessary, I will kill these tributes myself. He will find a way. He always did.

Unless someone dares to interfere with his plans... just like last time. That's why, immediately after leaving your chambers, he goes to the only person he knows who will be able to protect you from his greatest enemy.

"Ulla?! Sister?! I have an offer you can't refuse!" He calls from the shore of the lake in the gardens of Little Palace.

[jakey-beefed-it]

Someone in the neighborhood needed to re-home their 6 year old black shorthaired cat due to not being able to give him all the time and affection he needs (they work a lot, and are often away from home for a couple days at a time), so we tried REALLY hard to play it cool like "We'll, uh, we'll take him in, we really love cats" because we didn't want to scare them off with HOW MUCH we fucking love kitties, and my spouse has a particular soft spot for black kitties, so this was kind of a godsend for us.

His name is Coco and he's beautiful and we love him already. Coco isn't really something either of us would name a cat, but he's had it for 6 years so we're not going to change it except maybe to come up with humorous long-forms to call him when he's misbehaving.

Anyway he arrived today, and we've got him all set up with a fresh litterbox and food and water and toys when he's feeling brave, but for now he's still in the 'hide at the back of the closet' phase of adjusting to a new home and new people.

Pictures the minute I can get any of him- he *is* a black cat lurking in the shadows at the back of the closet right now, I can *see* his eyeshine but my phone camera does not pick it up, alas.

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

Holiday Truce

@ectopal so fucking sorry for the lateness!!! it has been a little wild in my life lately but i did get it done!!! i picked your prompt of dash finds out danny's secret in micromanagement. very sorry if this is not what you were hoping for, but here's what happened :D

“So,” Dash said.

“Uh,” Fenton said.

Dash looked at the shaking nerd in front of him. Fear, he recognized. Fear, he knew. He used it as a weapon, knew how to loom, how to make himself larger and intimidating. Hell, he’d seen it on Fenton plenty of time before.

Except this time Fenton wasn’t afraid of his fists.

“You’re—you’re he? Him?”

“No?”

“Are you lying?”

“... No?”

Dash reached out with a finger and poked Fenton in the shoulder. It was solid. Squishy, but he thought that had more to do with Fenton not being muscular than with him being a ghost. Still, he knew what he saw. This whole time, he’d been shrunk down with Phantom, the cool, brave, awesome hero of Amity Park, the guy he had a poster of in his locker. Then they get unshrunk and Phantom is gone. In his place: Fenton.

Dash wasn’t the best at math, but even he could add this up.

There were thousands of things he could have asked in that moment. Things he’d wanted to say to his hero for years. Thanks for saving us or Can you take me flying? or Can I have your autograph? Instead, what came out was: “So, are you dead?”

Fenton flinched. “No, I—it doesn’t matter. Just—just be quiet, okay?”

“It doesn’t matter?” Dash wanted to thwack himself in the head. He didn’t want to be continuing this line of questioning. Why was his mouth saying this shit?

“Not to you, anyway.” Fenton spoke with such vehemence that all at once Dash was reminded that Fenton being Phantom also meant that Phantom was Fenton. His hero was the same nerd he’d been shoving in lockers since middle school.

“Oh.”

“Look. Just don’t tell anyone, okay? No one would believe you anyway, so just don’t tell anyone.”

“Okay,” Dash said, voice thready and small. What else could he say? Fenton could’ve been kicking his ass all this time, but instead he’d been saving it. If nothing else, Dash could keep a secret.

“Good,” Fenton said, turning to leave.

“Why?”

Fenton stopped without turning around. “Why what?”

“Why don’t you tell people?”

Fenton’s voice was nasal through his sneer. “Try thinking about it. I’m sure the answer will come to you.”

—

The answer did not come to him.

He watched Fenton from a distance, noticed all the signs he dismissed before. Constant bathroom breaks. Bruises in the morning that were gone by the afternoon. Gasps of blue air that always preceded a ghost.

But he never saw why Fenton kept it quiet.

Teachers yelled at him for being late. Other students laughed behind their hands when he fell asleep at his desk. Paulina watched him rush out of class to the “bathroom” and whispered, “He should start wearing a diaper to school if he goes so much.” He tried to chuckle, but all he could manage was the slight curling of his mouth, and even that was strained. Paulina would never say something like that if she knew the truth. Fenton would have so much support from everyone in the school if he would just tell them the truth.

So, yeah. He didn’t get the secrecy.

Fenton, though, had avoided Dash like the plague. He’d never sought Dash’s company out before, but now the sight of Dash’s shadow was enough to have him scampering away. He tried to corner Fenton once, in the janitor’s closet, but forgot about the whole ghost thing. Since there was no one else around to see, Fenton just walked through the back wall, leaving Dash alone with the mops.

What was he supposed to do?

It felt like a secret of this magnitude should change things more. True, he couldn’t bring himself to shove people around anymore (what if some of them were secret heroes, too?) but otherwise, life went on. He went to football practice. He failed his math test. He laughed when Kwan made fun of Lancer’s pants falling down (again).

He stared at Danny Fenton across the cafeteria.

Danny Fenton did not look back.

—

No one in Amity Park liked the Guys in White. They only ever got in the way of Phantom trying to do his job, while being utterly ineffective. Even the Fentons did more to keep the city safe from dangerous ghosts—mostly through supplying anti-ghost tech and not through actual hunting, but it was still more than the GIW ever did.

So when the GIW locked down the school, most everyone rolled their eyes in disgust.

Every once in a while, the GIW had one of these sessions. He wasn’t entirely sure what the point of them was, but it usually involved a bunch of dumb questions about whether they’d talked to any ghosts. Like they were all conspiring against the government with the ghosts, or something.

(Well, he probably would, given the opportunity, but he hadn’t exactly talked to a lot of ghosts who weren’t trying to kill him. The only ghost he knew personally hated being in the same room as him.)

“Have you had any contact with the ghost masquerading as a musician, known as Ember McClain?” The agent in white drummed his fingers on the desk. Dash had the sudden urge to bite his pinky.

Dash furrowed his brow. “I think she is actually a musician, though?”

“What?”

“Ember. She does, actually, like, play guitar and sing. So I think she’s a real musician? Just. You know. A ghostly one.”

The agent leaned into his face. “So you have had contact with her.”

Dash leaned back. “Uh, no? Not since the time she mind controlled a bunch of us. Which I don’t think is my fault.”

“And you haven’t sought her out since?”

“Uh, no. I don’t actually enjoy being mind controlled.”

“Hm. And the menace known as Phantom?”

Dash barely kept his shoulders from tensing. “What about Phantom?”

“Have you contacted him?”

“I mean, he’s saved me a couple times. But he saves everyone.”

The agent snorted. “That’s what the ghosts want you to think, kid. Make no mistake: all ghosts are the same: evil, greedy, and power-hungry. We don’t yet know what Phantom’s true intentions are. It’s our job to get that creature off the streets and into containment, where he belongs.”

Dash was never the smartest person, but sometimes, when all the pieces were in front of him, he could add two and two and get four. He remembered the Fentons echoing the agent in front of him almost word-for-word. Or maybe this agent was echoing them.

Either way, Dash finally knew why Danny Fenton had a secret.

Dash curled his hands into fists. Fenton didn’t want to talk to him; that much was abundantly clear. But Fenton had still saved his life, saved the lives of everyone in the town, the world even. He could do this much for him.

“Look, dude, you think what you want,” Dash said. “I can’t exactly change your mind. Never been good at persuasion. But,” he said, and he stood up, crossing his arms and hooding his eyes, “no one else here believes your bullshit, dude. We know the truth, no matter what you say.”

“Mr. Baxter, the science—”

“I don’t care what studies you’ve faked. I’m telling you right now that if you seriously go after Phantom like you would any other ghost, you’re going to have to go through the whole town first,”

And Dash wasn’t very smart. And he wasn’t persuasive. But he knew fear. He was 16. This agent was probably somewhere in his thirties. By no means should the man be afraid of him. But Dash knew how to make himself bigger. Dash knew just where to strike someone, just what made them scared. This man was only as brave as his badge. A whole insurrection? One aimed at him? That thought terrified him.

The man was silent.

Dash smiled a shark’s smile. “Do yourselves a favor and leave Amity Park alone. We’ve got it handled from here.”

The door swung shut behind him as he left the agent alone in a dark room, still stuttering for a response.

[stormblessed95]

I saw the ask you reblogged and I agree a 100%. Maybe it's because I'm Asian but it really confuses me when I see the attitude of some of the anons. I know people joke about a glass closet, but please guys, if they are gay, then they really are in the closet. Because like maybe sometime in the future, they'll come out - if attitudes change like compare the US in the 80s to the US today that's some really significant change - but at this current point they are in the closet so they'll never reveal info without some kind of plausible deniability. Plus JK and JM are in an industry where they still call it a 'scandal' sometimes to just regularly date someone.

Guys you can't imagine how much people's perception of you changes if you had to come out as gay in a conservative society (if you're lucky enough to live somewhere where it's not illegal). Like I'm lucky my family got cool with it (eventually) but there's no way I'd actually tell my extended family or people at work or casual friends. Even among people I know, the amount of 'jokes' or stereotypes I hear, I guess I'd rather just not deal with any of that.

I actually think they're both so very brave already, like releasing gcf Tokyo, the rosebowl thing, the hickey thing - I'm surprised those even exist. I guess even if we hate the fanservice narrative, they can still use that as some kind of cover to stay true to their relationship as much as possible in the public.

And last thing I specially wanted to shout out to Jimin. That photofolio where he all but came out as bi actually chokes me up even now. He didn't have to but he still did it to stay true to himself. He's so much braver than someone like me and he inspires me so much

I live in the US, and STILL it's a similar experience alot of the time how people's perception of you changes once you come out. And depending on where in these more accepting countries you live, it's not always that accepting. But anyways, thanks for sharing your opinions. I agree fully. My ask box is crazy full, I won't be sharing all the asks like this I get, but I promise I'm reading them all. Even the ones that disagree with me (and anon here).

[a-doubleh-x]

Angel Dust was my closet key (but not in the way you'd expect)

This one's gonna be a bit of a personal post, so bear with me.

For most of my life, I considered myself a pretty hetero guy. I felt attracted to women, I didn't feel attracted to men and I was mostly fine with that. However, around a couple years ago, when I was participating in Yuri Jam, I came across a little term called "biromantic" and something clicked for me.

In case you don't know, "biromantic" is a term that applies to a person who feels romantic attraction for both men and women. Back then I thought "Oh yeah, I guess I am that!", then I came out on twitter, no one cared about it and I moved on with my life.

At the time, I thought I did for attention and out of guilt for being a cisgendered heterosexual male, and to be fair, I think it's a valid expectation for most people to want *some* attention when you have something to say that's comparable to that. A part of me also felt like it wasn't a useful discovery, because 1: I know of no men who want to date other men in a purely romantic non-sexual way and 2: I've been single by choice for a while anyways.

But all of that changed when I first saw Angel Dust on the Amazon series.

I was like: "Oh my gosh" 😳 That guy has a very hot voice. I thought he was so confident, so assertive, every line he spouted made me melt into a giggling 6 year old. And then I was like: "Oh. I guess those feelings were valid. I'm in love with Angel Dust" 🥺💖

Now I just wanna gush a little because I just think Angel Dust is such a cool character. The way he's portrayed makes you think he's meant to be obnoxious, but to me he's so proud, so bold, so brave for being himself. The way he flirts with Husk with such assertiveness is so attractive to me. There's something so raw and geniune about it.

Another thing that blows my mind is that, even though we know this "confident" persona is meant to be façade and he only puts face as a coping mechanism, the fact that Angel is capable of putting that face is mind blowing to me. He's gone through one of the worst versions of Hell I can imagine, he's been used, humiliated and hurt, both physically and psychologically and yet he's still capable of putting on a smile.

Needless to say, I don't intend to glorify the stuggles of an abuse victim, what Angel goes through is an atrocity and it shouldn't happen to anyone in a fair world. But the fact that that's his reality and he still manages to struggle through the best way he can makes him such a badass to me.

I also feel obligated to mention his redemption arc. I think Angel was always a good person, he just needed to right space to grow. From the start, he seemed very sociable and empathetic, it's just that he was too jaded to care about others. I think taking care of Niffty and standing up to her in episode 6 just came naturally for him, there was no need for a very strict guidance, just some nurture.

He's such a sweetheart! His interactions with Charlie in episode 3 are also so cute. I could write a whole post about his relationship with Husk and I probably will. I think it's really cool that despite being so different, they find a way to meet in the middle and come out as better people from it.

I don't know what it is about him, but I watched Angel on the show and I was like "Oh yeah. I wanna smooch that spider man" 😚

It felt like a big relief, because until now I wasn't ever sure if these feelings were "real", or I was just a hetero who wanted to feel special and not hated in the social circles I usually frequent. That's a whole topic of discussion for another day, I know there's people who will argue that heteros can't be the victim of prejudice and I'm not interested in arguing about that today.

I just wanna say, I love you Angel Dust and thank you for opening my eyes. Now I can indulge in my occasional romantic attraction to men without feeling like a false gay wannabe.

Thank you for bearing with me for a very special post. I was a little sick this week, but I managed to find a moment to write it anyways. I'm still working on the next chapter of my fic, but hopefully I'll find a moment here and there to keep writing discussion posts here.

Stay tuned! 🕷💖🤍

[motownfiction]

unfamiliar

When The Muppet Movie comes out in the summer between sixth and seventh grade, Sadie pretends like it’s not a big deal. She pretends like she’s too cool for The Muppets, like she doesn’t miss seeing them on her TV every Sunday night, like she doesn’t watch Sesame Street when she’s home sick from school, like she didn’t have a crush on Mr. Snuffleupagus when she was three. He was just so mysterious.

But she has to pretend like The Muppet Movie isn’t a big deal. In less than nine months, she’ll be a teenager, and teenagers don’t care about felt dolls. She’s not even the one who suggested they see the movie today. She left that to Sam, who seems to be missing that caring what other people think gene. Everybody went along with it when it was his suggestion, of course. Since he was born without that caring what other people think gene, people think he’s cool, anyway, no matter what he does.

Maybe if they were identical twins, Sadie would have lost that gene, too.

She’s not sure whether she’s allowed to say the movie is good. Lucy has laughed a lot, but maybe she’s just doing it to humor Sadie, who feels more nervous than she’s ever been (recently). But it seems like it’s a good movie. Kermit and Fozzie came across a real fork in the road, and the crowd seemed to like that one. Miss Piggy is stylish as usual. But nothing gets to Sadie like Gonzo.

Of all the primetime Muppets, Gonzo has always been Sadie’s favorite. She doesn’t think she’s much like him – she’d never be that brave – but there’s something about him that feels familiar.

So when he starts singing a sad song around the campfire, she listens.

This looks familiar / vaguely familiar / almost unreal, yet / it’s too soon to feel yet …

Sadie’s face feels hot. No, cold. She isn’t sure anymore. She looks around at the people next to her in the movie theater … the people she has known, more or less, her entire short life (one before it even began). They look the same as they did this afternoon, last night, last week, heck, even on the first day of sixth grade last year. But what if that’s not always true? What if these people – these wonderful, wonderful people – become unfamiliar? Sadie has heard stories about turning thirteen, and they all scare her worse than Michael Myers in the bedroom closet.

But then she remembers who she is.

She is Sadie Doyle, rider of roller coasters, accepter of dares, best friend of Lucy, who has more tricks up her sleeve than anyone Sadie has ever known (or ever will). She doesn’t want the familiar. She wants things to change, to get weirder, to get messier, to get more beautiful. Being thirteen does not mean giving up The Muppets. It means getting new reasons to care about them.

About everything.

Gonzo is still singing by the light of the moon.

There’s not a word yet / for old friends who’ve just met.

Maybe not. But old friends, just by themselves, will do tonight.

(part of @nosebleedclub july challenge -- day x. yes, it’s august. yes, i’m doing my best)

[silenthillmutual]

i keep looking at my own fic ideas from like a couple years ago that i have outlines for and going "wow, i really don't want to write these!" so here's a comprehensive list of fanfics i still have on my desktop which i have started but made litle progress on:

masterpiece theatre - an akira/mob psycho 100 crossover. the premise of this one was that tetsuo managed to create an alternate universe at the end of the film/manga, which was the mp100 universe. he's just kind of there trying to live a normal life while navigating the trauma from his past life. naturally this does not work out well and he winds up both meeting people from the akira 'verse and people from the mp100 'verse. i think i had in mind that it would end roughly around the first season of mp100. anyway this was roughly inspired by my musings about mp100 reminding me of a sort of inverse of akira's storyline that i can no longer articulate because it has been years since i read mp100 all the way through.

cause - this was just going to be a complete rewrite of rebel without a cause where i fixed what i saw as a pacing issue with the film and also gave more context to the characters' lives because i have a love/hate relationship with the original

it's not my party, but i'll still cry if i want to - a really short fic that was taking characters from rebel without a cause and plopping them into a modern 'verse just for the sake of having jim infodump about the 50s while sulking because he thinks judy & plato are doing something together and generally having rsd

where worlds collide and days are dark - all i got is that it's for mgs and i still have a hold of this document despite it just being snippets of fic i wrote like years ago.

statement of daniil dankovsky // statement of artemy burakh - magnus archives crossovers for pathologic, the first one being daniil's statement about the world being alive (based on pathologic classic) and the second one being artemy's statement about seeing daniil die, only to be "replaced" by another actor the following day while everyone else acts like nothing ever happened.

when you finally get involved, face to face - danganronpa ishimondo fic that was a project to see if i could focus long enough to write 100k. instead of getting together as teenagers, the fic would take place over the span of 10 years, where they'd get together as adults. i was really excited about this one when i started it, but people started being transmisogynist in the comments so i stopped working on it and got into pathologic instead.

a document titled 'cool ishimaru has a chill day with boyfriend' which i think was about ishimaru discovering he's trans, that was meant to be a non-despair au and with everyone being generally supportive of him.

flaws - danganronpa fic where taka talks to makoto about feeling possessive and how horrible it feels but i never actually finished or published it. it's pretty much done now... i could go back and edit it down to where i'm satisfied with it but i don't know :/

i wanna ruin our friendship (we should be lovers instead) - some kind of au where either it's non-despair or everyone lives... it was going to have hina and taka bonding over having crushes on their best friends who are oblivious. it was gonna be from hina's pov bc i love her

in the middle - okay this one i swear i will write one day... whenever i replay trigger happy havoc... it was going to be a polyamory fic where mondo is dating chihiro, who used to date taka and desperately wants mondo and taka to be friends. they'd be in college here. chihiro is transfem and taka is transmasc and mondo realizes he's nonbinary i think was a plot point. anyway,

an untitled danganronpa fic wherein hope's peak decides the classes need mentors and taka picks juzo, w ho came out of the closet for the express purposes of getting out of having to mentor anybody. but taka thinks it was very brave of him and wants advice on coming out despite being a public figure.

letters - this was just going to be eight, thirty-one from taka's pov

jojo's despaire adventure - jojo characters put in a danganronpa situation. pretty sure polnareff was going to be the protag of this one. it was going to be a simulation dio was running to try and rewrite the universe, hence why so many characters from so many parts were there and also had no memory of each other. i think kakyoin was going to be the first casualty.

all of my started but unfinished assorted jjba works you can still find on ao3: next chapter of cherry wine was going to have a karaoke section because fox gave me the funniest image of hol horse singing a shitty maroon 5 song. i have no idea where i was headed with heads on a science apart. not sure what the next chapter of heart of glass was going to be and i don't feel like pulling up the outline but i can tell you how it ended if anyone is curious about that. she told me to come but i was already there - there was going to be a battle of the bands kind of thing wherein we were going to get hol horse singing 'ride a horse, save a cowboy'. that was the highlight of the chapter and i don't remember what else i had planned for it. starfish crusaders was going to have a mechanic where some of the joestars were part merpeople and could transform at will. warmth, though, i have no idea where i was going with that.

alexithymia - a patho fic exploring the turmoil of not knowing, understanding, or articulating your own feelings. with daniil, of course.

something just titled 'angst outline' that is for a long form pathologic angst fic i was never going to write because i was convinced nobody was going to read it. it was going to be burda but with even more problems and issues and angst for the sake of angst.

a fic about artemy's insomnia

some unspcified fics about daniil being autistic

bio murky - okay this is really obvious but the reason to read the fic was that it was transmasc artemy. essentially artemy and daniil met and hooked up and maybe started falling in love in the capital and then artemy left for home unexpectedly... because he was pregnant. i think this was going to be an everyone lives kind of au or potentially even a no-sand pest au.

a blurb about andrey and his bipolar disorder

e pluribus unem - if i ever actually write this one i'll have to find a title that won't invoke such a knee-jerk reaction but anyway this was a fic about daniil going about wooing artemy by making amends/friends with those of artemy's bound. it was going to be told in little shorts of daniil meeting with the kids. originally i wrote this from daniil's pov but i think if i write this one i'll do it from the kids' povs.

a blurb about daniil having a breakdown after the end of classic

let's climb the cliff edge and jump again - this was gonna be a fic about daniil and andrey's tentative friendship in university where andrey is a horrible influence, a horrible friend, and a horrible brother. it was loosely inspired by my toxic girl friendships i had in college [a/n: i was a girl in college] and the first time i got high. i wanted it to be My Dandrey Fic but without happy dandrey at the end... hints of griefdrey instead... and again thinking about andrey's bipolar disorder because i'm always thinking about it!

a mark/rubin fic that was gonna be nsfw.

mystical inclinations - a soulmate au with tattoos i think? polyamory and platonic soul mates were going to be a thing in this au but i kind of don't remember what i was doing with it.

another pregame burda au

a fic i started where rubin is mortified to be caught in between artemy and daniil's...whatever

a fic about artemy & daniil's first kiss

talk too much - daniil, who is usually a smoother talker, has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth whenever artemy is around

another fic entry in my modern au thing, where artemy's kids meet daniil for the first time

vince malum bono - clara talking to each of her bound on the last few days of the plague, patho-2 version

when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth - this was going to be mashing up daniil and artemy's routes (and at the end, clara's as well). with burda. of course.

when the day met the night - burda fic where daniil is about to get taken out by the government because he's a criminal against common sense and good morals, and artemy panics and tells the emmisaries who show up that they can't take daniil because they are to be married, and they can't take the menkhu's husband. and of course the emmissaries aren't stupid so they say they'll be back for the wedding. very romcom.

[anadrenalineslut]

I'm not a fan of you guys writing off glitter gel pen songs off as just fun or silly music she writes for no reason because sure, sometimes she writes fun songs but if you watch like the making of gorgeous for ex you can see even the glitter pen songs are her processing emotions. Like, oh my god, this woman is so autistic it's hilarious honestly. Anyways, I digress. Like, every single one of her glitter gel pen songs are so vulnerable in a way that I would personally classify as more vulnerable than her fountain pen or quill songs.

It takes so much bravery to showcase positive emotions in a world that encourages chaos and trauma as our baseline. There is something so vulnerable in gorgeous, behind the drunk girl crying over how attractive a man is, in the lyrics of putting yourself on the line for a man. Of being sexually forward in a way that discouraged in society, and especially discouraged by society in taylor swift, of putting your sexuality on display in a song that goes out to your millions of wildly sexist fans. Like, there is something so vulnerable in making a song like starlight where you're listening to someone recount the love story of a lifetime so soon after being groomed by 2 disgusting ass predators and feeling like you're never going to love again. Like, even stay x3 is so vulnerable because it's about daydreaming of what a perfect love would like but really it's about romanticizing an unhealthy past love but rewriting its story into something beautiful. Shake it off was written about her unhealthy tendency to ignore her feelings and punish herself for feeling by not eating and dancing to forget how hungry and sad and empty she feels all the time. ME! Is about accepting your bisexuality enough to go public with it to the world for the first time, making yourself into the beautiful rainbow with all of your colors and not giving a shit about what people have to say about it, which is so heartbreaking. Like, taylor specifically grew up being told she had to be closeted and queer stuff was bad and in 2016 she was literally being canceled for being "weird" during a political climate in which transphobia and homophobia was cool again (my out friends were terrified for the community, how do you think taylor felt at that time in regards to her sexuality... just see maathp) and then during lover to come out with ME! as the single was so fucking BRAVE of her. Don't even get me started on bejeweled. You guys know how I feel about bejeweled.

Taylor is her most vulnerable in her glitter gel pen songs precisely because of the way she shrouds her emotions in poppy lyrics and melodies as a smokescreen for the real emotions she was processing at the time. I fucking hate yall for the way you shit on this set of her songs just because you don't fucking get it. It makes me wanna scream whenever yall hate on them because it's so clear you don't bother to question shit + just take the surface level explanations for everything given to you. You don't care enough to dig deeper and analyze the music you listen to, you don't use music to process your emotions and its so evident in your terrible analysis of these songs honestly.

Justice for glitter gel pen taylor.

[alloutshirt]

i really believe you should shut the fuck up about what you think closeted people have to do to be deemed legitimate and respectable

[plantanarchy]

anyway kids I'm stuck in that weird loop where I can't tell if my recent gender struggles are because being out scares me or transitioning scares me or because I was right when I was 17 and I'm genderqueer vs binary trans and that also scares me but also, wondering if the distinction really matters. Probably not! Combine my crippling fear of being known with my inability to easily understand my own feelings for a wild and stressful ride!

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳who cursed the bludger? ♡

in which the reader's dominant hand is injured badly after a rogue bludger slams into it and none other than fred weasley is behind it. who cursed the bludger?

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ± 2k

tw: serious injury, a little bit of swearing

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

ft. penny clearwater

who cursed the bludger?

y/n was currently draped lazily over her broomstick, haven given up trying to teach penelope clearwater how to fly. said prefect was on the grass, smirking as y/n embarrassedly looked around.

"penny that's not ok to ask!"

"fine, fine," she pondered for a moment, "hey, what's up with you and fred weasley, huh?"

"nothing at all," y/n answered a little too quick for penny's liking.

"c'mon, y/n, you're younger than me, i should know all that happens. you two are very...flirty."

"yeah well, my dear pennysylvania, we have flirty personalities. duh."

"no, you don't."

"okay, i don't. he does."

"but he seems like he means it."

"of course he means it? he says it in a joking way? y'know, he means it as a joke."

"hmm, nope, i don't think so, y/n. he's looking your way right now."

"i'm probably blocking the space, let's move outta the way."

"you're not gonna play with them?"

"already play in matches, why now? let's chat."

fred was silently eavesdropping on their conversation as he heard his name.

"sooo you and perceeee??" y/n dragged out, grinning as she did loop-do-loops with her broomstick.

penny blushed, but looked disappointed, "he likes oliver."

"oh. well, f percy, what about marcus??"

"he's just marcus. we're best friends, y/n."

"my fav trope of romance is best friends to lovers," y/n wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and penny shook her head in amusement.

"my one is the opposites attract."

"hmm yeah, that's a good one too, it's really cute! say, aren't you and mar-"

"i was meaning you!"

"huh?"

"you and fred."

fred smirked as he listened, flicking back the bludger harshly at angelina.

"oh yes because we are totally meant for each other," y/n sarcastically replied.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"yes."

"you're doing this on purpose!"

"hmm? what?"

"oh my goodness, merlin you're stupid bro!" penny said exasperatedly.

"and you just realised. congrats, penny."

"anyway, what i'm saying is you and fred are rather like opposites. although he's extroverted and you're extroverted, you're a cute little nerd," y/n huffed at this 'i am n o t a nerd for the last time!' "and he's a class clown in the most charming way. you like reading and he likes pranking people and quidditch. you're a goody two shoes, an adorable one, but he's this foolish jock," penny looked proud with her argument so y/n laughed, "you're modest and he's very confident. and you're both hot."

y/n smiled, "i am not hot!" she giggled, "that's stupid."

"oi, ange!" penny called to angelina who looked over at her in amusement.

"yeah?"

"is y/n hot?"

"oh, totally!" angelina casually threw the quaffle into the hoop, "10/10."

"guyyys you flatTer me," y/n stretched out as the three of them laughed, "i'm bLushIng."

"you actually are," angie quipped.

"it's a command thing. if she wants to blush, she'll blush," replied penny.

they burst into giggles again.

fred watched y/n. a rosy pink, sure enough, had spread across her cheeks. that was enough to get her blushing?

"oi, l/n!"

y/n's head snapped his way, her eyes narrowed as if expecting an insult being thrown her way.

"your lips are pretty!"

her form relaxed, "thanks! yours are too!!"

penny giggled as angie rolled around laughing.

"what?" y/n looked around.

"the way you return flirting is hilarious."

"a compliment for a compliment, isn't that what they say?"

angelina snorted, "no one says that."

"oh well i say it, so deal with it."

"hey, i have an idea!" penny brightened up.

"let's hear it!"

"let's teach y/n pick up lines, ange!"

"oh you're a genius, penny!"

"okay, so-"

a bludger came whizzing at y/n as she screamed, trying frantically to dodge it. it hit her hand and a crack was heard.

luckily she immediately hopped off calmly, taking out her wand shakily and stunning the bludger, before penny and angie helped her over to the hospital ward, fred lagging guiltily behind.

she was ordered to stay in bed rest and with drowsy eyes she drifted off.

fred watched her feeling so terrible as he saw her heavily bandaged hand, imagining how he was going to tell her that he was in fact the one that had charmed it.

the next day, she was out and about, gently cradling her hand which was broken.

"um, hey, y/n," he nervously approached her.

"oh, hello!"

"i might have jinxed the bludger to go wild," he confessed abruptly, "i'm really sorry i didn't mean to-"

"no, it's fine, really." she gave him a reassuring smile and walked off.

he noticed that she couldn't write in class. usually she was scribbling away, but she just sat awkwardly at her desk, trying frantically to get anything legible down with her non-dominant hand. the fact she was so courteous and forgiving about everything just made it worse.

by now, y/n was dying inside. she couldn't write notes, and even though she wanted to ask any willing person for a duplicate of their notes, she'd have to explain the whole broken hand thing.

"ange?"

"yep?"

"do you have history of magic notes?" y/n did puppy eyes.

"nope, you forgot i dropped out."

"oh."

"do you want mine?" fred asked, smirking as he looked y/n up and down.

"you take notes?!!!" y/n was shook.

"only for you, 'cause i felt bad."

"you didn't need to!"

"i did. you want them?"

"yes please, thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!!"

"you're acting like you're not the one the bludger hit," angie quipped and y/n frowned, completely forgetting fred was still there, browsing the notes.

"c'mon, it was just an accident. and i've always wanted to be ambidextrous."

"lovely, you were struggling. i'll take all your notes. my handwriting isn't neat but i owe you."

y/n ducked to hide the light blush she could not control at all.

immediately she got a confused look from fred.

and instantly she thought of something that might make the blush go away. he didn't mean it, it slipped out, she thought and she felt her face cooling down, a slight frown appearing on her face.

"o-okay, thanks fred."

"no problems, darling," he flirted.

"that's good, darling," she flirted graciously back, bravely tilting her head up and looking him in the eye.

he took it well.

"where did you learn how to flirt so well, my little love??"

"why, freddie," she joked flirtatiously, "from you of course!"

he coughed and excused himself.

"he should really be careful with who he's flirting mindlessly with," y/n rolled her eyes.

angelina laughed, "flirting mindlessly? do you see the way he looks at you?"

"personality," y/n stated simply.

"or not."

true to his word, notes in fred's flurry of handwriting appeared neatly stacked every day. they were far too thorough and consisted of stupid flirty notes by the side. sometimes a little note, written in class, was jammed in there probably by accident:

hello freddie!

i have a crush on you 0-o, hogsmeade at 7pm on sunday?

-jamie <3, boy who sits in front of you in arithmancy

jamie,

i already have my eye on someone :) not you, sorry, y/n cringed at the bluntness of his words

you are very nice, perhaps try trera rivera if you swing that way? or illinois ann if you swing all ways?

oh i'm so sorry, i didn't know that! i'll talk to both. was the gracious answer

-jamie

and again! the lucky boy! this time from a girl.

weasley-

i know we hate each other but give me a chance to explain myself? broom closet at 9 tomorrow ? it trailed off to something that y/n didn't even want to think about.

k.o

fuck off. i don't fucking like you, i like someone else, ffs.

was the reply as y/n laughed and made sure to give the note back to fred.

it wasn't everyday someone confessed to you, right?

she underlined all the words that simply weren't legible to ask fred about.

and aNOTHER ONE?? how did this boy have so many admirers? y/n had received 0 love letters from any boy, let alone people of the same gender. you knew you were good with the ladies (and the gentlemen) when everyone sent you these letters.

dearest frederick-

it droned quite sweetly on about him and loving him and the writing was really magnificent.

margaret perrer

hi marg

i'm really really sorry. you seem like such a nice person, and it's not you, it's me. i, however, have a friend who really adores you: kenneth. he'll be an amazing friend and maybe more.

i also already am interested in another girl, so it really isn't you. thank you for your beautiful letter, hopefully we can be friends!

fred

oh he was very nice. feeling like she had overstepped the boundaries, she put them aside, discovering more and more but putting them all in a stack. she felt slightly insecure, especially when they all looked relatively neW?? the perfume on the flowers still smelled fresh?? who was this guy?

she sighed, finishing her read through and being thoroughly impressed with the sheer quality of the notes.

but there were around 100 words she had underlined. she skipped down into the great hall where she spotted two gingers. as soon as one (she couldn't see which one) saw her, he got up, whispered to the other something, and left.

when she approached the one that was left behind, she saw it was george.

"hi georgie!" she greeted him and thrust the papers into his hand, "where's fred?"

george shrugs, "left, for a date or something."

"oh, okay, could you translate these for me, the underlined words?" if y/n was disappointed, she didn't show it.

"oh yeah, sure, his handwriting's rubbish, isn't it."

"yes it is, i can barely read half of it."

george finished scribbling words next to the underlined ones.

"oh! and give these back to him? i'm pretty sure he dropped them in, probably got mixed up." she gave him the pile of letters, now neatly bundled in rope she had found.

"oh, yeah sure," george smirked, "of course."

"nice, well that's it, thanks for the help!"

"anything else?"

"tell fred good luck."

"right, right, mhm."

"yea."

once she'd left, george took out his walkie talkie.

"got that, freddie?"

"crystal clear."

"you're pining, pffft, hahahahah," george smirked as fred sighed.

"it didn't even work?"

"which plan?"

"the one to drop the letters in."

"i'm pretty sure she read like two, she didn't seem that disappointed?"

"exactly."

"you're an idiot. just tell her."

"but that's boringggg."

"well drop the hints then, merlin fred you're terrible at this."

"i haven't dated a billion girls like you!"

"then learn how to date my goodness."

"true."

"come fucking back."

"hickies or no?"

"eh go for it. i wanna see her reaction and then we can decide whether she likes you or not."

fred strided handsomely in, neck littered with little hickies and his top had two buttons open, freckles and pale broad shoulders showing.

george rolled his eyes, muttering, "drama queen," as he subtlely watched y/n. she managed not to look so surprised, her eyes widening then looking down quickly at her hands.

he would have thought she felt nothing for his twin if a light pink had not dusted over her face and if angie had not nudged her with a concerned look on her face.

y/n was wondering what the hell happened, disappointment rising slowly in her.

"okay, she's into you," george whispered as fred began removing the spell, leaving the unbuttoned shirt unbuttoned.

"cool beans."

"oh and she gives these back," george smirked.

"oh look at how she bundled it! so adorable georgie!"

"you're disgusting."

y/n hurried to the library at 6pm. she had heard the book she had waited for was finally available.

as she settled down with it, a paper aeroplane hit her.

"ahh!" she screamed as she caught it.

it read:

forbidden forest, 8pm.

huh? was this meant for her? it was in neat handwriting and on the smoothest parchment, with a single flower that smelt like fresh rain.

[supercorpkid]

Rager Teenager.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader, Kelly Olsen x Niece!Reader

Word Count: 2900.

Alex doesn’t even look shocked when she sees you landing in her backyard, dropping a bag of clothes loudly on the ground.

“Hey.” You greet her with a smile, looking at her standing in the doorway with a glass of wine in her hands.

“Running away, kiddo?” She points at the bag, but she means it like a joke. Let’s just say you were quite generous with the amount of clothes you packed. You could be leaving the house for a month, for what it’s worth. Yet, no one would actually think that you are running away from home.

“Yep.” You shrug it off. Her eyebrows are pinched together immediately. “Can I stay?”

Alex moves away from the door, giving you space to walk in. “Should I call your moms to let them know or-?”

“Nah, they’re aware.” You pick up your bag and make your way inside, passing her on the way in. “Hi, aunt Kelly. Where’s Jamie?”

“Oh, hi.” Kelly smiles at you from her wine glass. She then acknowledges the bag, pointing at it with her face. “Is that some big creation or something fun for you two to do?”

“Actually, just my clothes. I’m moving in.” You smile making your way to the stairs. “Indefinitely.”

“Oh. Sounds fun.” Kelly gives you two thumbs up, not looking as amused as she made it sound. “Your cousin is upstairs.”

“Cool. Thanks for letting me stay.” You say, making your way to Jamie’s bedroom to surprise her.

You are aware they didn’t exactly let you stay. Especially not ‘indefinitely’. But you know they would never say no to you, just like your moms would never say no to Jamie if she wanted to stay at your house. You also know that Alex is probably calling Kara right now, and that at some point tonight Kelly will try to assess how you’re feeling, claiming this is an open safe space.

It’s annoying that they’ll treat you like you’re the one that needs to talk about your feelings and understand them. You do understand what you’re feeling. You’re feeling like they think you should be ok with the fact that you don’t need their attention anymore. And of course you don’t need it. But you want it.

Your moms have always been your best friend. You tell them everything and you like that. You like the fact that you don’t have to be rebellious to get their attention, because you are the most important person in their lives, and you liked that feeling.

But well, now things are different. Maybe you need to change a little. Make a little trouble. Be a rebel rascal. A wild child. A rager teenager.

“Hey!” You drop your bag in a loud thud on the floor, making Jamie look up from her phone.

“I see you finally brought back all the things you borrowed from me.” She points at the bag with her eyes, and you roll yours in response.

“You wish.” You throw yourself on her bed, in front of her. “I’m actually moving in.”

“You don’t say.” She throws her phone to the side, looking at you with curiosity in her eyes. “Well, go on. Let’s hear it.”

You tell her everything and Jamie looks amused that the first time you’re throwing a tantrum is over something so dumb as not getting their attention. Says the girl who doesn’t pick up her phone at eight -not even in a life-threatening situation- because that’s her catch up time with her moms.

“So your big rebellious act is coming to my house?” You nod. “I would’ve thought staying with, I don’t know, Lillian Luthor would be far more dramatic.”

“Should I?” You ask out loud, but you’re actually talking to yourself. “No, right? No. That’s insane.” Is it? Yes, yes it is. “But I do have another rebellious idea in my baggage.”

Jamie zeroes in the bag you brought in. Sure the bag is big, but it doesn’t fit what you’re thinking.

“Not my actual bag.” You roll your eyes. “I meant my emotional baggage.”

“Oh, that’s a lot bigger than that one.” She agrees with her head, making her point. You look at the enormous bag on the floor of her bedroom.

“No, it’s not.”

“Hey, remember that time you almost died?”

“Which one?” You ask and she gives you a satisfied grin, like she is saying ‘touché’. Yeah, you guess she has a point.

“ANYWAYS!” You say, trying to ignore her. “Movies!”

See, it was kind of obvious that you wouldn’t be good at being rebellious. You never had to do this before. You’ve only seen it in movies. Ok, so let’s try what movies did. In Harry Potter, Hermione's big rebellious act was erasing her parents' mind. Huh. That you have the means to do. But no, that’s insane. Right? Right! Making your moms forget you is insane! Maybe you should think of rom-coms or teen movies. Hm, in ‘Mean Girls’ Cady throws a party when they’re parents aren’t in the house and dresses slutty or whatever. You can’t pull any of this off. Who would come to your party? How would you kick your moms out of the house? And you would rather die than dress slutty.

“Movies.” Jamie repeats, incredulous. “You know, for a genius you really lack basic information at times.” She says making you gruff. “You want to be rebellious? Steal Lena’s BMW, sneak out, go to a party, get drunk-”

“I can’t exactly get drunk unless it is alien alcohol.” You add.

“Steal alien alcohol.” She adds to the list, a little disgruntled that you made her lose her train of thought. “Make me go with you.”

“You’re literally giving me the idea.”

“Hmm, yes. Because I’m dying to go to this party Maya told me about, but I need plausible deniability. As in-”

“If your moms ask, it was all my fault?” You ask with an eyebrow raise and she agrees with her head. “Ok, fine. I’ll take the blame. But I think we can be more rebellious than that.” You give her a wicked smile. “Can you imagine how crazy it would be if-” You take off your glasses. “She went to a party?”

“WHAT!” Jamie sits straighter in bed looking equally terrified and excited. “No! You can’t have Superkid go to a party! She is a SUPER! Kara would absolutely kill you.”

“What’s the point of only pissing off Lena? I do that way too much already.” You throw yourself back in bed, thinking about it. “Besides, no one wants a Luthor in their party. Now, who’s going to say no to Superkid?”

“Ok, wait a minute. I-I-” You can tell you have made Jamie really confused when you leave her speechless. “Superkid doesn’t even exist anymore, and you want to bring her back just so you can go to a party?”

“Superkid doesn’t-'' You laugh, then furrow your brows. Holy shit, people still think you’re not supering anymore. “Oh, yeah, about that. I’ve been supering in secret ever since I came back from that other reality.”

“You-” Jamie’s mouth comically open wide like a cartoon character. “But-You-And then-I don’t get it.”

“See? That’s why I’ve been doing it in secret.”

Because how do you do it? How do you go back to being a superhero when you made such a big deal about not ever wanting to be a superhero ever again in your life? How do you unsay it?

Should you just come back home and be like ‘oh yeah, by the way, Superkid exists again, and you have to go back to worrying about me, Lena. And yes, Kara, you might have to go to outer space save me again a couple of times. No biggy. Good night!’

So you don't, right? You sneak in in secret instead. Pray you don't die on the job. Pray they don't find out. And mostly, you pray that you're doing the correct thing, because it's the righteous thing to do and not because you selfishly want that powerful feeling you had before.

“So for weeks you’ve been going around National City saving people and no one knew?” You nod. She needs to make sure. Jamie slaps your arm like you could feel pain. “You didn’t even tell me?”

“I’m telling you right now. Before anyone else.” She still rolls her eyes at you. “Come on, it’s a great way for Superkid to do her comeback. At a party, dancing with stupid teens.” Jamie looks unconvinced. “We can still take Lena’s car.”

“Why would we need it? You can just fly us there.”

“Yeah, I know. But it will piss off Lena.” You give her another wicked grin. “I’ll let you drive.”

“Yeah, ok, cool.”

Simple as that.

So it’s Friday night, Jamie agrees she will go to the party with Maya, and you told your girlfriend you were grounded. Yes, it’s a lie. But barely. You’re sure you’ll be grounded right after this, anyways.

It’s before midnight when both of your aunts say goodnight and go to bed. Kelly makes sure she schedules a ‘talking about your feelings’ session right on Saturday morning with you, before she leaves, though. Ugh, this won’t be fun.

You give them some time, then use your super hearing to make sure they are asleep, before you fly out the window and look for Lena. Like you suspected it’s Friday night and she’s made it back to L Corp, after you left home. Rao, you’re so mad.

You fly home and check for Kara’s presence. All clear. Must be tailing Arnold McKenan or running away from her problems. For someone so brave, you can’t believe how much of a coward she is when it comes to Lena. Rao, you’re raging.

You grab Lena’s car keys, your supersuit in their closet, and then pick the car up and drop off in front of Jamie. You love Jamie, and you know she drives better than you do, but still you fly behind her car the entire time to make sure she is safe. Damn the car, if it was for you, you would toss it in the ocean, it’s Jamie you care about.

“Holy!” Maya says, when she slides in the car. “That’s-wow! Did you steal this?”

“For sure.” Jamie smiles and drives off, leaving nothing but tire marks behind.

“Is that why Superkid is following us?” Maya asks, and you smile to yourself.

“Nah. She was saving a kitten and I asked if she wanted to come to a party. Now, she’s following the car.”

“WHAT!” Maya yells, sounding excited. “You’re joking! We’re going to a party with Superkid?” She gets nothing but a nod. “Holy fucking shit! I can’t believe my girlfriend won’t be there. Maybe we could convince her to sneak out?”

“Please. Do you even know your girlfriend?” You hear Jamie’s response. “She would never.” You scoff. “Besides, I don’t want to be third-wheeling all night. You guys are awfully handsy.”

“Yeah, well. She’s hot.” Maya says, making you smile even more. “Here. We’re here.” And so Jamie parks.

“Hi!” You open the car’s door to Maya, giving you her hand so she can exit the car. “I’m Superkid.”

“Of course you are.” She manages to say, looking red as a tomato.

“Your friend Jamie said it was ok if I came. I hope I’m not intruding on anything.”

“NO! No! Not at all. You’re more than welcomed. I mean, it’s not my party, but I’m guessing you will be more than welcome. I mean, who wouldn’t want Superkid in their party, right? So yeah you’re welcome! Anyways, you cool? I’m cool.” She rambles, making you and Jamie share a look. “Oof, I’m sweating.”

“Don’t be nervous.” You put your hand on her shoulder for a light squeeze. “I’m just a normal teen.”

She wheezes out a laugh. “I don’t know about normal.”

“More than you think. Shall we?” You point inside the house, and she agrees with her head. They fall a little behind you, and you can hear Maya whispering.

“Doesn’t she look awfully familiar?”

“Haven’t you met her before a few times?” Jamie saves you and you smile when Maya agrees, and lets it go.

Let’s just say going to a party as Superkid is on the top of the best ideas you’ve ever had. Superkid is a big hit. There’s even a line so people can take pictures with you. And they all love you. You’ve never felt so loved in your life. This was exactly what you needed.

It sucks that alcohol does literally nothing to you, but you still enjoy watching Jamie and Maya getting louder and flushed and talking nonsense to you all night. So this is what it's like to be a normal teenage girl? You’ll take it.

It is also very exciting that Maya can’t ever stop bringing your name up. The real you. Not Superkid. Not you in this shiny suit. The nerdy you that is apparently home, texting her so she can enjoy the party.

The night goes on and you don’t think once about Lena in her stupid office, doing her dreary paperwork, acting like that fucking company is more important than your family’s existence. You also don’t think about Kara in that stupid DEO, doing her dreary patrol, acting like the fucking world is more important than your family’s wellbeing. Or maybe you thought about it once or twice. But not as much as you would if you were home alone waiting for them. But hey, you shouldn’t be thinking about them! They sure as hell aren’t thinking about you right now.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Jamie says looking at her phone. “It’s mami! She probably noticed I’m not in my bedroom.”

“It’s ok. Let me see that.” You grab her phone. “I’ll take this up in the sky, so she doesn’t hear all the noise.”

“You’re going to answer her phone?” Maya asks, and you realize that it doesn’t make a lot of sense for you to be answering the phone of some girl you just met. Damn! Maya still makes sense even with all the alcohol.

“Oh. Um. I’m really good at impressions!” You say with a smile. But you can’t actually impersonate Jamie. You put both hands on your waist and look up. “Hope, help, and compassion for all.” Then you smile. “That was Supergirl.”

“It was perfect.” She says, and now the alcohol is probably doing the effect again.

“Ok! Gotta go!” You fly up and notice that a bunch camera flashes follow you. Feels good to be loved. “Heeeey auntie.”

“Where the hell are the two of you?” Kelly yells through her phone and you actually have to take it off your ear, because it’s too loud.

“Oh!” Think of something, come on. “We’re at-at the Fortress. I brought Jamie to help me look for this thing-”

“And none of you thought it was a good idea to let us know that? We were here thinking she was kidnapped!”

“By whom?”

“Well, I don’t know. It’s a new threat every day in this town! A few weeks ago you literally vanished from your bedroom one night!” Oh, that. What a cool funny story, that no one thinks is cool nor fun, except you. Kelly exhales. “Why didn’t she pick up the phone herself?”

“Oh! I think she got lost in one of the rooms.” You hate that you’re lying so much. You never once lied to Kelly before. What if she just knows? “Don’t worry, auntie. We’re safe, and will be back home in bed soon, ok? Go to bed, everything is ok. Goodnight!”

You hang up before she answers. Way to be suspicious. You come back to the party and see Jamie hyperventilating afraid of the conversation you just had.

“We should go.”

“Relax, I handled it.” You pick up another jello shot, putting on Jamie’s hand. “Chill, I’ve got this. No one will ever know.”

And when you make it back home and park Lena’s car exactly like it was parked -in all honesty Jamie couldn’t parallel park so you picked it up and put it in its place-, you think no one will ever know. And when you and Jamie sneak in her bedroom and go straight to bed, and none of her moms wake up, you are sure no one will ever know.

Wouldn’t it be nice if that was actually the case? But when you wake up the next morning… Oh, crap. Oh, shit. Oh, no. What are Kara and Lena doing here?

[thescreamingraven]

Promise 2

Dabi x reader

Genre/warnings: Fluff and angst.

Words: 6 283

Summary:  Sometimes the right choices are the toughest to make...

≿————-　❈　————-≾

Heyyy. Some people asked for part two so I hope you like it, as you can probably tell I'm pretty new at this whole writing thing and there is a lot of space for improvement, but I still hope you enjoyed nonetheless and I hope I didn't dissapoint. ^_^

≿————-　❈　————-≾

You woke up to a loud scream from your daughter, you automatically reached for your phone but before you could grab it your daughter snatched your arm and started pulling on it yelling. “Mommy, wake up.” She babbled loudly and way too close to your ear.

“Five more minutes.” You mumbled turning away from your daughter wanting to get even just a tad more sleep. She hopped onto the bed and layed next to you.

“But mommy…” She pouted.

Giving up, you lazily opened your eyes and pulled her in under the blankets into a tight hug.

“Good morning mamma.” She giggled.

“Morning angel, how d’you sleep?”

“Not very good…”

“Why’s that?” You wondered, giving her a quick kiss on her forehead.

“I had a nightmare about daddy…”

“You should’ve woken me up, sweetheart.” You chirped gently, brushing away a few strands of hair from her face.

“No, I’m a big girl now…. and the baby in your stomach needs to sleep too.”

You smiled, a warm smile decorating your face, how did you get so lucky…”Well, how about for being so brave I’ll give you a reward?” You sat up and stretched your arms. ”You can have anything you want for breakfast. We can even have some of your cake if you’d like.”

“No, daddy will be sad if we eat it, he’ll want to eat it too,” She declared.

“Alright, well, what do you want?”

“Could you maybe bake me some bacon?”

“Just bacon?”

“And ice cream.” She added.

“I don’t think that’s a… good combination. How about some pancakes?” You bargained.

“With bacon?”

“Sure.” You sighed, raising your hands in defeat. “You’re the birthday girl, after all, let me just…” You were about to stand up, but your daughter’s hands around your waist stopped you from doing so. “Sweetie I can’t move.”

You turned around to face her, cupping her cheeks and giving her gentle kisses on her forehead.

“Mommy?” She whispered, leaning into your warmth. “Where’s daddy?”

“Daddy needed to go to work for a bit, he’ll be back soon…”

You knew she hated when he left like this… without getting to say goodbye, you also knew that she saw him more than a parent, more like a best friend she can tell everything to, he was her hero but yet still managed to sometimes break her heart unintentionally just like now, you could see the light slowly fading away from her smile, so you decided to bring it back.

You gently tapped on her shoulder and whispered. ”Do you want to hear a secret?”

There it is, that excitement which was gone moments before, now plastering on your daughter’s face, you knew that you would do anything to keep her smiling like that forever, anything.

“But you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

”Okay.” She whispered back.

“Come closer…”

Your daughter nodded and scooched a little bit closer. With a swift movement, you began to tickle her without mercy. Her screams and laughter could probably be heard all across the neighborhood, but at that point, you didn’t care. After a few seconds, you stopped and pulled her into your tight embrace and cupped her cheeks once again. “There’s that smile…”

When your daughter’s giggles quieted down, you could feel the way she clung to you even harder than she did before.

“He’ll be back sweetie, trust me… and a little birdie told me that your dad has a very special surprise for you…”

You could just sense the puppy eyes coming your way.

”Nope, don’t even try it, your puppy eyes won’t work on me…”

“But mommy…”

“It’s pancake time c’mon get your little butt into the kitchen..” You chirped, getting out of your comfortable bed and stretching out your arms. You grabbed your phone off the counter and checked if there were any messages from Touya. You didn’t know what it was but when you checked the time you got a weird feeling in your stomach, so much for being here when I woke up you thought, putting your phone back on the counter wanting to get rid of that strange feeling you had.

⸻⸻⸻⸻

Nervously tapping on your kitchen counter, you checked your phone again and again. Yet the time didn’t change. It was seven pm, and you were getting a bit on edge about Dabi. You tried calling him, texting him, yet you got nothing back. Something was wrong, you could feel it. A few hours ago you turned on the morning news, the city yet again destroyed by the league who immediately disappeared after the assault. Yet there were no signs of Dabi. He wasn’t on the news that means he was either somewhere in hiding or-

“Mommy?” Your trail of thoughts was interrupted by your daughter’s weak voice and slight tugging of your hand.

“Yes, sweetie?”

You looked at your daughter, who was now staring at the ground, her small muffled sobs now becoming clearer.

”Did d-daddy… forget… my… b-birthday?” She stuttered, rubbing her eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming.

You could feel your heart shatter.

“No, no, sweetie he didn’t, he’s probably on his way home now.” You cooed, picked her up, and cradled her in your arms. “Hey, it’s okay…”

“D-did I do so-something wrong…? Did he not like my drawing?” She sniffled, clinging to you for dear life.

“No, of course not… angel-” You were interrupted by two quiet knocks outside your door.

“That’s probably your dad right now…” You sat her down on the kitchen counter, and flounced to the door, ready to give him a piece of your mind, yet you didn’t open it. Since when did Touya start to knock…? You instead peeked through the peephole and almost felt your heart stop. You took a second to think while the second pair of knocks came your way, the lights were on, so there was no way you could hide from the two men standing outside, you looked back at your daughter who was still sitting on the kitchen counter wiping her tears.

“Angel, listen to me… can you please go to your room for a bit?”

“Why? Is it daddy?” She jumped off the counter and ran towards the door ready to open the door, but before she could, you grabbed her hand and forced her to look at you.

“No, sweetie it’s not daddy, There are some… people outside that mommy needs to talk to. Can you please go to your room?”

You could see a hint of fear appear in her eyes, but she nodded nonetheless

“Thank you, angel…” You murmured, giving her the most comforting look you can muster, you kissed her forehead and gestured her to go.

You threw Dabi’s jacket in a nearby closet, hiding it, and took a deep breath, the knocks becoming more consistent. “Just act natural and you’ll be fine.” You mumbled to yourself before opening the door.

⸻⸻⸻⸻

“Y/n?”

“Hello Hawks, Endeavor.” You greeted both heroes standing at your doorstep, you took a quick glance at Hawk’s whose face of confusion quickly turned into a bright smile.

“Wow Y/n, how long has it been?” He grinned, pulling you into a tight hug. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever…”

“Yeah, it’s been quite a long time…” You smiled into his jacket. “How’s the hero business?”

“It’s alright,” He chirped, pulling away. “ But I’d rather hear about you, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright… do you want to come in?” You asked, trying to avoid Endeavor’s intense gaze. Both men looked at each other for a moment before giving you a quick nod. Endeavor closed the door, looking around before spotting something in a nearby closet that was still slightly cracked open.

“So what brings you here so far from the city, and at my doorstep?”

“Oh well, we were just…. patrolling and I heard you lived here, so I thought I’d stop by…hope you don’t mind,”

“Not at all please make yourselves at home” There was no way they’d be patrolling so far away from the city with all the villains about, something’s not right you thought, trying to keep a cool and rationalized head.

“Do you live alone?” Endeavor questioned, quickly taking his eyes from the closet and stepping next to Hawks.

“Yeah… Why do you-”

Your question was cut off by Hawks gushing. “Ooh, what’s that smell?”

“I was baking a cake for my… niece, her birthday is coming up.”

Hawks looked at your daughter’s drawings which were splattered all across the fridge, “I see…cute drawings your nieces work, I take it.”

“Yeah, she’s quiete the artist.” You chuckled. ”Anyway, how’s life?”

”Eh… same old same old, the commission has been on my ass a lot more since you… left.” Hawks admitted throwing a sad smile your way. You knew he was going to bring that up… due to working with Hawks you became good friends quickly, leading you to work for him in his agency, yet that didn’t last long.

“Yeah, sorry about that…everything just happened so suddenly.” You sighed.

”Yeah I get it…”

“Sorry to interrupt, but could I get your ID?” Endeavor requested.

“What for?”

“Just… protocol I’d like to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind.” He remarked.

You gave him a sceptical look.“Is this an interrogation?” You asked, cocking your eyebrows.

“No, we’d just like to ask you a few questions,”

”About what exactly? What’s going on?”

“Y/n it’s okay the old man is just paranoid, just get the ID so he can calm down and not have a heart attack.” Hawks teased.

“Alright…” You hesitated before walking to your room, the two men watching you as you disappeared out of their sight, Hawks came closer to Endeavor. “You sure you didn’t get the address wrong?“

“No, I don’t make stupid mistakes like that.” Endeavor assured, eyeing your home once again. “So she was working for you?” He pondered, stepping closer to the closet.

“Yeah, she was my sidekick for sometime before dropping her carrier… you can’t possibly believe she’s a villain, right?”

“She could be… look at this…” He opened the closet door and pulled out Dabis jacket for Hawks to see. ”Doesn’t this remind you of something?”

”That’s not evidenced enough maybe she bought it because she liked it.”

”Well, what about those drawings? There’s a figure that looks similar to him.” He replied, checking the jacket’s pockets.

“Maybe the kid just saw it on the news. You know how they are… they’ll draw anything they see.” Hawks mumbled, scraching his head.

Throwing the jacket back into the closet and closing its door, he mouthed. “Something is going on here Hawks and I’m not leaving before I find out what…” Endeavor concluded.

”Or maybe you’re just trying to find something that isn’t there… “ Hawks said, rubbing his temples.

“What do you mean?”

“Endeavor… your son is a sociopath… for all we know he could have been babbling nonsense.”

“You weren’t there, Hawks.” He murmured.

“You might think you know your son but you don’t, he’s-”

Their conversation was interrupted by a sound of the door opening and you appearing in the room.

“Sorry that I took so long, I’m a very messy person…” You looked up at the men who had different emotions plastered on their faces, you quickly took a glance at the closet who was now fully closed. “Is everything alright here?”

“Everything’s fine, miss…” Looking at your ID, Endeavor added. ”L/n”

”So…” You leaned on your kitchen counter, trying to act as calm as possible. “What’d you like to talk about?”

Hawks gave Endeavor a suggestive look and blurted. “I think we should-”

”Take a seat, miss.” Endeavor gestured to your kitchen’s chair before taking a seat to one across, once you did he continued. ”Now miss L/n…”

”Just call me Y/n the whole last name thing makes me feel uncomfortable.” You asserted.

“Right sorry miss Y/n, like I said before, this isn’t an interrogation more of a… personal matter and I’d appreciate it if you could answer my questions honestly.”

”Endeavor…” Hawks hissed.

”Okay, sure, but what is this about?”

”Do you know a villain called Dabi?” Endeavor questioned thoroughly examining your face for any signs of discomfort.

”Of course I do, everyone does… why?”

”We have a reason to think you might know him more personally.” Endeavor moved a little closer, trying to break you with the pressure of the situation.

”I’m not following…”

”Look… you’re not in trouble, whatever you say will stay between us. So please just answer my question…”

“I know of him…” You countered.

You could feel yourself begging to panic. They know don’t they… shit. You took a second to think and remarked.

”I- I… I think I should go and call my lawyer…”

“Y/n…” But before Endeavor could say anything he was interrupted by a sudden muffled sound... like a cry of anger, then another on the back of it: then silence..

”I thought you said you were-” And then came one horrid, dawn long scream. Without thinking, you rushed to your daughter’s room, almost ripping off the door handle. Her room was being consumed by flames, blue flames, her flames, while she stood there frozen in the middle of all the chaos, with a horrified expression, holding up her hands and letting out another terrifying scream. The fire began to spread massively as you grabbed your daughter’s burning hands, not caring if you’ll get burned, and began running towards the exit, the blue flames following not too close behind. When Endeavor and Hawks saw what was happening, they quickly reacted by opening the exit door and grabbing you both when you ran through it, putting some needed distance from the burning house.

Once you were both safe, you kneeled close to your daughter and frantically searched for any injuries while she cried her eyes out. “Are you okay? Angel look at me… are you hurt?”

“I-I’m… so s-sorry mommy.” She choked.

You let yourself breathe for a moment before pulling her into a tight hug while hiding your burnt hand away. ”It’s okay, we’re okay,” You cooed, trying to calm her down, while slowly massaging her back. “Just breathe for me, alright?”

“Cmon, sweetie, look at me…” You slightly pulled away, raising her chin and breathing with her. “And out there ya go.” You wiped her tears away from her red and puffy face. “In and out.”

The two heroes stood quietly next to you observing you, that didn’t matter to you now all that matters was your daughter “Now I need you to explain what happened…?”

”I’m sorry, mommy. I got mad and… and-”

”It’s okay, it’s just a house I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Pulling away from you, she looked you straight in the eyes. ”What about the cake mommy?” You couldn’t help but giggle slightly while the adrenaline still kept pumping in your veins. ”I’ll bake you another one.”

Her eyes suddenly began to lose focus and her body became heavier. ”Angel?” You could feel yourself beginning to panic.

”She just got overwhelmed by her quirk” Endeavor comforted. “She just needs to rest now.”

You gave him a small nod, picking up your daughter and turning back to face your house, which was still being consumed by the blue flames. All the memories, being burned away, you were mad… you weren’t mad at your daughter for not being able to control her newfound quirk; you were at Dabi he was supposed to be here for this, not out on some dumb mission. You winced when you began to feel a sharp sting in one of your hands, the hand you grabbed her with but you held it in, you weren’t important at the moment. You thought about taiking your phone out of your pocket and mentally cursed yourself for leaving it on the kitchen counter early.

Endeavor saw how you checked your pockets and beganning slightly shaking.”You can stay at my place if you’d like…” Endeavor suggested, coming closer to you and your daughter, giving you an understanding look.

“I don’t th-”

”Let me help you… the both of you…” He inclined.

You knew your choices were limited and even if you wanted to; you don’t think he would’ve let you go run off with a child in your hands so… you gave in. “Okay…”

You could hear the sirens getting closer and closer. Endeavor looked at Hawks, who caught the hint easily. “I’ll handle it, you two have a lot of things to talk about anyway…” Hawks sighed, turning away from you.

You could tell he understood the situation perfectly and wasn’t happy about it.

“Hawks…I’m sorry…”

”We’ll talk later.” He mumbled.

 ⸻⸻⸻⸻

You followed Endeavor back to his car, which wasn’t parked too far. You gently sat your daughter in the backseat, putting the seatbelt on. Before you pulled away, she grabbed your hand and murmured something. “Mommy?”

”It’s okay, honey, go back to sleep.” You quietly cooed, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek.

”Don’t tell daddy… please… he’ll get mad” She whispered before succumbing to her slumber once again. You sighed and closed the car’s door. While driving past your house you saw the firefighters trying to save anything for what was left, while Hawks talked to one of the fire chiefs.

You took a deep breath, turning around to check on your daughter. She was peacefully sleeping, letting out a couple of snores. That’s one way to celebrate a birthday, you thought while pulling out your burnt hand in which the pain was becoming a bit irritating.

“There are some bandages in the glove compartment,”

“Oh…” You looked at him and mumbling a thank you. You opened up the glove compartment and found the bandages, wrapping them around the burnt flesh of your arm and ripping away the rest when you were done.

The road ahead was going to be long, since you lifted quiet a few hours from the main city, and sitting there in silence wouldn’t do the both of you any good. So you decided to start the conversation, but before you could, he spoke first.

“She reminds me of Touya when he was younger… he almost set our house on fire once too….of course, we stopped him… before it got worse but our neighbors complained for weeks-” He took a glance at you and stopped talking, he could see that you were worried, he could almost hear your thoughts going a hundred miles a minute.

”He’s alive Y/n.”

You raised your eyes from the car’s floor and looked at him. ”How do you know that?”

“Today our fight got a little intense and my youngest son… Shoto accidentally impaled him with his ice quirk.”

Impaled…?

”Will he-”

”He’s fine now, he had to go under an operation but he made it… he’s alive and well Y/n”

You could just sense the but coming, not wanting to overthink the situation further, you straight up asked him. “But?”

“He’s in a coma, not deep one the doctors say he’ll wake up in a few days or so.”

“I see… thank you.”

You looked at him for a minute and in those dim street lights you finally saw him for what he truly was; you didn’t see the man Touya once told you about; you didn’t see the big number one hero everybody relied on to keep them safe; you saw a tired, broken man. The small dark circles under his eyes became clearer, the look on his face plastered with guilt.

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again.

“He was the one who told me how to find you.”

“Why did you? You had the choice to walk away, yet you still showed up. Why is that?” You wandered.

“I’m not sure, I just did,”

You looked back at your daughter once more, gathering up the courage to ask the question which was spinning in your head nonstop; you turned around and let your gaze fall on the road ahead.

“Will you… will you take her away? Give her to someone else?”

He sighed and chuckled lightly.

“As a hero, that probably would be the right thing to do,” He said, tapping on the wheel lightly. “But I think I’ve done enough damage to this family as it is…I think I should be a father for once…think I own him that much and more, I want to do right by him. It’s my fault he became like this, I was too focused on-” He didn’t dare finish the sentence instead changing the topic to something more lighthearted.

“Can’t believe I have a grandchild already… it won’t be too long before my hair starts falling out,”

“Two…” You corrected him.

“Two?” One glance at your stomach told him everything he needed to know. “Well, you guys have been busy..” He responded jokingly. He glanced at your daughter for a second through his rearview mirror “What’s her name?”

“D/n,”

He thought for a moment that responded, “I like it…”

“I’m glad.” You chirped, giving him a heartfelt smile. “Touya picked it out.”

“So…” He cleared his throat. “A former hero and a villain that must have been one hell of a story.”

“That it was.”

“Well, we have time… care to share?” He proposed.

When you finally arrived at Endeavor’s household, Hawks was already standing there with a smirk on his face. “Took you guys long enough.”

You rolled your eyes, opening the back door, slowly tapping your daughter’s shoulder. “D/n wake up.”

She slowly opened her eyes, yawning and stretching her arms up. “Where are we?”

“You’re at my house” Endeavor responded, still sitting in the driver’s seat.

Your daughter looked at him clearly confused, “Do you know him, mommy?” Your daughter pondered, pointing at Endeavor.

”I do, sunshine he’s…” You stopped for a moment, giving Endeavor a quick glance. “Your grandfather…”

Your daughter was quiet for a moment before bursting out the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. ”Really?”

Endeavor gave you a side glance, feeling a bit astonished that you would tell your daughter the truth so quickly, but extended his hand for a handshake, nonetheless.  “Yeah. It’s nice to meet you D/n. Please make yourself at home.”

He didn’t even have the time to object by how fastly your daughter pulled him out of the car, dragging him closer to the house and talking his ear off. Yet for some reason he couldn’t muster the courage to pull away, letting himself be led by your daughter quietly listening to her.

You walked over to Hawks, whose smirk was wearing off and turning into something else.

“Well, I’m off.” He blurted. But before he could leave, you grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. ”Wait… can we talk?”

“Y/n…”

“Please?”

He gave you a hesitant nod and turned around to face you.

“Are you mad?”

He was quiet for a few seconds, but you knew by the look of his face he was soon going to explode and that it was certainly overdue.

”Well, what do you think? Y/n I thought…” He sighed. “I thought we were closer than this…. how did you think I felt when you just suddenly left,” He scoffed? “You were my closest friend, and you didn’t even give me a proper goodbye nor an explanation and when I began calling, you blocked me and didn’t even tell me where you were going or when you were going to come back,”

“One text…a single fucking text… that would’ve been enough for me…. just to know that you were okay, that you were safe but no…. silence for eight fucking years.”

“And now I learn that you’re together with that… sociopath. How stupid can you be?” He jeered.

“Hawks-”

”He’s a murderer Y/n he kills people for a living.” He walked closer to you, looking at your stomach. “How did that- this even happen?”

“Fuck.”He began to pace around “Why? Just why?” He stopped for a second, gently grabbing both of your arms a look of fear showing on his face. “Did he force himself on you?”

”What?”

“Did Dabi-”

You pulled away and calmly explained. ”No, he didn’t. look… me and him… we were together even before I became your sidekick we’ve known each other for a very long time and when I found out I was… pregnant, I just decided to focus on the baby rather than my career that’s why I left.”

You looked at Hawks who’s expression told you everything you needed to know, confusion, anger, sadness, and much more.

“You’ll be lucky if Endeavor doesn’t call the-”

”I’m not concerned about him… I’m more concerned about you…” You retorted.

He stopped pacing and looked you dead in the eye. “Y/n… can you really stand here and tell me that girl is safe living with him?” He questioned.

“Yes, she’s-”

”He’s unstable Y/n one day he can act all father like and the next he’ll-”

”Don’t…” You interrupted him “Look I know you’re looking out for me and you’re worried but trust me he loves-”

”Listen to me… don’t you think that if he really loved you, he would’ve dropped the villain business already? All he cares about is revenge can’t you see that?” He snapped.

Taking a deep breath and trying to compose himself, he looked back at your stomach, then back at you. “Your kids shouldn’t be worried about when their screw-up of a father would be back home. They should be enjoying their life to the fullest, going to an actual school, making friends… Look, I can help, I can pull some strings here and there but Dabi…Y/n he has to go.”

“So what? I should just leave? Hawks… I love him… He’s the father of my children. I won’t just abandon him without a word. I’ll talk to him once he wakes up, maybe he’ll-”

“Y/n…” He looked at you, seeing your determined face, he knew he couldn’t convince you otherwise, so he just sighed. “Do what you want… just remember he isn’t your primary concern, he can decide for himself, but your kids…they can’t. They need you to guide them and teach them how to make the right choices and… sometimes the right choices are the toughest to make.”

You stood there quietly, not knowing what to say before he spoke again.

“I’ll be going now, I have some paperwork I have to fill out.”

“Hawks…”

Before he flew off, he took one last look at you and said, “If you change your mind, give me a call.”

                         That was a week ago. You and Endeavor or Enji grew closer together. You will never forget the conversation you two had the first night you came to the Todoroki residence.

“I feel like such a failure,” you sighed. “I wasn’t even prepared for her quick to- and... I couldn’t even do anything for her… and the whole villainy thing-”

”Have you ever… you know, asked him to quit?”

You thought for a second. ”No… I haven’t…”

”Well, why not?” He wondered.

“I just never bothered, I guess? Always thought he’d… ”

Leave…

Enji could see the regret in your eyes and fear. ”Well, why not try it? Don’t let Hawks mess with your head… in truth nor me nor Hawks know Touya as you do, but from what you’ve told me, I feel like he truly… cares for you. I mean, even when he was on the brink of death, he was thinking about how to get back to you….Talk to him before you decide what you want to do.”

“And I don’t think you’re a failure, both of them,” He gestured to your stomach. “Are lucky to have you as their mother. So don’t take what Hawks said to heart, he might still be holding a little grudge about how you both left things.”

You smiled calmy slowly pushing all the over thought thoughts away. “Thank you, Endeavor.”

”Enji.” He corrected.

”Thank you… Enji for saying that.”

“You should go get some rest and tomorrow we can both visit Touya if you’d like.”

“Yeah, I’d like that, but I’m not sure about D/n… seeing him like this wouldn’t do her any good.” You looked at your little daughter who was now sleeping knocked out on the couch.

“I’ll ask Fuyumi to babysit her,”

”Yeah that be nice...”

Fuyumi came over the next day, slightly confused about her father’s sudden call in the middle of the night, more confused why a little girl who resembled Touya was standing in his residence with a woman claiming to be Touya’s lover. After some needed explanation on both sides, your daughter became very close with her newfound cousin and slowly wrapped her around her finger...

After a few days, Enji started to train your daughter on how to use her quirk. She was a little bit scared at first, but now she loved it and nagged Enji to show her new tricks. You loved the way he managed to replace the fear and hatred that you saw in your daughter’s eyes that night with happiness and excitement for her quirk. Once, after a long and tiring patrol, you caught Enji sleeping with your daughter on the couch. You couldn’t help yourself but take a picture for Touya to see later.

Speaking of Touya…he still wasn’t waking up, it’s been almost two weeks since that night, and yet, nothing, no progress. You visited every day sitting in that room for hours on end, talking to him and telling him everything that had happened recently, but after those terrible weeks of holding everything in for your daughter and your baby you finally broke down next to his hospital bed. You gently took his hand, squeezing tightly for comfort. “Hey Touya, it’s me again…” You sniffled, trying to not let your emotions get the better of you.

“It’s uh, been two weeks now… D/n… she’s getting better with her quirk.” Swallowing a lump, you cooed. “But she misses you, like a lot… she’s talking about you nonstop to…” You took a long, deep breath. “Endeavor… he’s been…” You looked at Touya, whose face stayed the same. You stayed quiet for a minute, the silence slowly driving you insane, you could faintly hear the receptionist clock ticking, second by second, minute by minute… and then you broke down.

“Dammit… that’s enough… this has gone long enough I won’t have it and not another day more do you hear me? I’ve done everything… I’ve waited, I’ve prayed… I’ve talked to you… I begged you, I’m out of things to do now…and I’m scared, I’m so scared,” Wiping the tears off your face you sobbed. “And I’m mad… I don’t mean to be, but I am… I’m mad at everything… I’m mad at you…. you hear me, Frankenstein? I need you to open your eyes and scold me for being such a crybaby.” You whispered, still not letting go of his hand.

“Your family has been so sweet, they uh been trying to take care of me, take care of us, trying to get me to eat something, to lie down, and your dad,” You massaged his knuckles. “He’s been training our little angel all about her quirk, he’s so gentle with her I wish you could see it… and Fuyumi she’s completely under her spell, she follows her everywhere, they do everything together.”

“D/n has been dreaming a lot about you lately.. and telling everyone how good you are, you mean the world to her, and me…so I need you-” You let your head fall to rest at his side. ”I need you to open your eyes,…just do it… open them…hear my voice? Come towards my voice…”

“Squeeze my hand.” You whispered. “Please…”

You quickly sat up when you felt a faint squeeze of your hand. Not believing it, you asked again. “Do it again,” Again a light little squeeze, a weak one, but it was there, he was there. “I felt that...’’ You blubbered, wiping away the last bit of tears. ”Open your eyes, I know you hear me… c’mon…” You could see his eyelashes flutter slightly before he slowly began to open his eyes.

”Oh my god… Touya..” You could see that he was still a bit out of it, and the way he slightly whimpered told you that he was in pain.

You quickly got up and rushed to the door, opening it and calling for a nurse.

You could see the surprised look on their faces before they began to move and appeared right on his side. Dabi quickly sat up from the bed with a still cloudy mind and got ready to use his quirk before you rushed to his side, trying to calm down.

“Hey don’t panic you’re alright, easy… lay back down you’re safe, we’re in a hospital, you got hurt in a fight and… do you remember that?”

He gave you a brief nod, before messaging his forehead to tone down the headache.

“You’ve been asleep for a few days…But you’re alright now… “

The nurses quickly did a few checkups on Dabi and told you that he was alright and left the two of you alone to talk.

”See, they’re all done, and I’m right here…” You cooed once again taking his hand and squeezing it.

”You look like shit doll.” He murmured with a groggy voice.

“Speak for yourself, you idiot…” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Are the meds kicking in yet?”

“Mhm.” He looked around the room. “Where’s D/n?” You could see the slight panic in his eyes.

“She’s okay, she’s with Endeavor.” You comforted.

”Endeavor? Why is she with that old asshole?” He mumbled, trying to sit up.

”Well-”

He however stopped in his tracks and grabbed your hand, turning it and looking at your burnt hand, which was now decorated by a scar. ”Did that fucker-”

“No, no calm down let me explain…” You said with a small panicky voice.

It didn’t take you that long to explain what happened, there wasn’t a lot to tell, you could feel Dabi squeezing your hand when you talked about your daughter’s little adventure, but besides that, he was taking it surprisingly calmly, ”She burned the whole house down.” He repeated. “I don’t know if I should feel proud or terrified.” He joked.

”Yeah” You sighed.

Dabi thought for a second before giving your hand one last squeeze and hesitantly asking. ”Think you can call her for me?”

“Sure, but hey… don’t beat yourself up too much alright?.” You cooed, getting your phone out and calling Endeavor.

He picked up after a few seconds and you asked him for D/n; it took a few minutes before he actually found her and gave her the phone. You quickly gave it to Dabi.

”Hi mommy.” She chirped.

Dabi cleared his throat, trying not to scare his daughter too much.“Hey sunshine, happy late birthday.”

”Daddy…” She whispered, before bursting into tears.

”Hey it’s okay…” Dabi mumbled trying to calm her down.” How have you been?”

You could hear her sobbing.

“Aw, angel, don’t cry it’s okay, I’m okay,”

”I’ve m-missed… you s-so much…” She bawled.

”Me too… I missed you too..” He answered with a controlled smile plastered on his face. After a few seconds, he pulled away from the phone holding it in his hands, a tad confused “She hung up on me.” He blurted.

”She probably got too excited.” You chuckled.

He gave you your phone back pulling you onto the bed with him, after a few seconds you received a text..”It’s Endeavor…he says they’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

You slowly turned around to face him, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Dabi looked at you with a teasing smile.“My lips are feeling left out doll.”

He leaned into a kiss, but before he could pull you in, you placed your hand on his lips, stopping him from doing so. He looked at you confused. You pulled away, getting off the bed and taking a seat in the same chair you sat only moments ago. Dabi was surprised by your sudden mood change. One minute you’re here resting in his arms, and the next you’re so far away.

”What’s wrong?”

You looked at him with a sad smile decorating your face and sighed. “I can’t do this anymore, Touya. I…I hate this... I was so scared that you would-“ You took a deep breath in. ”I never wanted it to come to this but… I can’t do this anymore and I’m drawing the line”

“Listen to me… don’t you think that if he really loved you, he would’ve dropped the villain business already? All he cares about is revenge can’t you see that?”

”What are you trying to say?”

“Do what you want… just remember he isn’t your primary concern, he can decide for himself,”

With a serious tone and fire in your eyes, you looked him and with a collected tone you said., “Quit the league or…. I’ll go… and... I’ll take the kids with me.”

"Sometimes the right choices are the toughest to make.”

“You can’t do that.” He stated, a hint of fear shining in his eyes.

”I can and I will, enough is enough Touya… let it go... we can start a new life together, a fresh start… somewhere away from all of this insanity, we can go anywhere you like, we can even take on new names and live entirely different life together, a life where our kids can have both of their parents;

”Y/n…”

You stood up and walked towards the door. You stopped in front of it and looked back. ”I’m giving you a choice Touya, please pick the right one. For me…for us…” You mumbled, opening and closing the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

@beybladesmaid

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

here’s 7.1k of Toni pining and Shelby and Toni being childhood friends and also far more character analysis of Rachel than I was expecting? also Marcus is real and I made him a gorgeous himbo. it’s based off that poem by @theycallmedizzy and you can find it here. lmk if you want a second chapter from shelby’s perspective, tho i literally just finished this one. like literally ten minute ago.

Mr. Williams finishes reading the poem and looks over his spectacles at the class. Yes, they’re spectacles, those kind of tiny thick ones that make his eyes too big because he’s much too old to be teaching.

It’s eight am on a Tuesday, Toni walked the three miles to school because she missed the bus only to walk into her shitty honors English class and hear the teacher reading a poem aloud to the class. Her poem. She’d sat down after a momentary pause and listened to him read the final damning stanza.

And then he looks at Toni.

He reads her essays right? What if he recognizes her writing voice? Is that a thing? Or maybe her handwriting or—

“Toni, I was just explaining to the class that whoever wrote this should submit it to the state literature festival,” Mr. Williams says, Toni almost sags against her chair. “I was hoping someone would come forward,” He turns back to the class, eyes hovering over Quinn and Monty, two of the more sensitive guys who sit in the back and ruin the curve for everyone. “But I’ll leave it on the board here,” he clacks it on with a magnet and Toni flinches, “and hopefully someone will come forward. Now onto today’s lesson.”

After class Martha goes up to the board and takes a picture of it, her eyes a little starry at the words and Toni grits her teeth.

“You have to admit it’s pretty,” Martha says. “Even you can’t deny that.”

“It’s dumb,” Toni says flatly, crossing her arms.

“Well I’m keeping it anyway, maybe someday someone will write a poem about me,” Martha says.

“How do you know it’s not about you?” Shelby asks coming out of nowhere and uninvited too. Toni glares at her, letting her open disdain shine through like sunshine through clouds after a gully washer.

“No guys notice me,” Martha informs Shelby sadly. “I bet Andrew wrote it for you.”

Shelby purses her lips and looks over the poem, “I doubt it. He’s more of a doer, I think. Besides, I’m sure that guys notice you, you went on a date with that boy Sam last month.”

Martha sighs and before she can launch into what a disaster that date was, Toni tightens her hands around her backpack.

“I’ll see you in science,” She tells Martha and manages to escape Shelby’s eyes burning at the back of her neck.

———

reasons not to kiss her

1.) this sort of love is not allowed. you are both too soft, and the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth

Toni had played about every sport she was allowed to growing up. Basketball was her favorite, but she loved beat it ball, the game she made up with the other kids in the neighborhood. It was basketball but without rules, devolving into fist fights within the first half. Nothing tasted better than her own bloody lip on a hot summer day. Not even the cool glass of lemonade Mrs. Blackburn always had ready when she ran all skinned knees to Martha’s telling her about how she beat guys two years older than her.

She got angry when she had to stop playing, moving to a different neighborhood. Apparently, Mrs. Blackburn had figured out that she wasn’t only getting her split lip from the older kids in the neighborhood.

The new foster parents were a little stricter, a little richer, and signed her up for youth soccer when she complained about how there was nothing to do without beat it ball.

Martha Blackburn would always be her person, but Toni didn’t expect to find her people so young. Dottie killed as goalie, and Becca’s sweetness made her defense all the better. But it was Shelby and Toni who were the dynamic duo. Toni had a never ending amount of energy as a midfielder and Shelby’s precision made her the perfect striker. It worked the same way every game, Becca would kick it to Toni, who got it to Shelby, who scored a goal. It got to the point that Becca didn’t even need to do much and the coach had to pull Toni aside to tell her to pass to the other girls too.

At the end of the season they sat together at the team party, wearing orange slice smiles. With sticky fingers they held hands and Toni kinda wondered how someone’s eyes could be so green.

Toni doesn’t remember why Shelby’s parents were so angry about them holding hands, but she knows Mr. Goodkind talked to her foster parents and Toni was off to a different home, in a different district, and she lost even Martha for a few months.

———

At lunch everyone’s talking about that fucking poem. Martha sent it around to the whole school and Leah is discussing its merits with Rachel and Nora. Even they don’t seem bored with the topic, though Nora is sure Quinn didn’t write it.

“It could be Monty,” Leah says. “I wouldn’t have thought he had an eye for this stuff.”

“I don’t think it’s Monty,” Rachel says. She looks at Nora, “C’mon, you know what I’m talking about, right?”

“What?” Nora asks.

“I mean it smells like Anna Akhmatova had a baby with Adrienne Rich,” Rachel says.

“Who had a baby with who?” Martha asks.

“Please,” Fatin says. “You’re not exactly the world’s leading expert on free form poetry.”

“Uh, I know when something’s written by a girl,” Rachel says. “I bet you fifty bucks some closet case wrote this.”

Everyone looks at Toni. “You caught me,” Toni deadpans.

“Rachel’s right,” Nora says. “A girl definitely wrote this. Toni, do you know anyone?”

Toni glares at her. “I’ll shake the lesbian phone tree and see what comes out.”

“Well, could it be Regan?” Martha asks. “Maybe she wants to—”

“It’s not fucking Regan,” Toni grabs her books and stalks out, kicking a chair randomly strewn around away as she did.

She hears Shelby sit down just as she leaves, “What’s got her madder than a baptized cat?” Shelby asks and Toni rolls her eyes.

———

2.) no one ever taught you how to love. your war paint and scarred hands could never hold her like she deserves

The worst of it was that Shelby was gentle. Her hands were warm and soft around Toni’s callouses, and there was a crinkle between her eyebrows as she focused on Toni’s hands. No, the worst of it was that Shelby didn’t let go of Toni’s hands when she finished, kept holding onto them as she met Toni’s eyes.

“Well?”

Toni swallowed hard, “I’m not gonna apologize.”

Shelby sighed, her thumb traced little circles around Toni’s hands. “I know today ain’t easy for you.” Toni scoffed and looked away. “But you know you were pickin' a fight. Andrew promised to leave you alone.”

Toni ripped her hands away and jumped from the bench of the locker room. “What the fuck do you know? You weren’t fucking there.”

Shelby’s calm only made Toni’s anger redder, “You ain’t denying it.”

“Why the fuck are you dating him? He’s a self-satisfied little asshole who just wants a little trophy girlfriend to—”

“Toni,” Shelby cut her off sharply and got to her feet, meeting Toni’s eyes.

“You’re not denying that either,” Toni spat.

She could’ve screamed at the hypocrisy. She wanted to scream. She wanted to pound her fists against the walls and bleed all over the bandages Shelby wrapped around her knuckles. She wanted to hurt, to make Shelby hurt. She wanted everyone to see and feel how hurt she was, and hurt them with that hurt. Finally level the playing field.

“Andrew is my business,” Shelby said. “Not yours.”

“He becomes my business when you—”

“When I what?” Shelby asked.

Toni looked at her hands, “Never mind.”

Shelby sighed, “Martha’s helping you move in today, right? Shel’ll be there the whole time?”

“Don’t pretend you give a shit.”

“Of course I care. The last time you lived with your mom you didn’t eat for a week.”

“I was five, not fifteen,” Toni said. “And seriously, stop pretending you give a shit.”

She shoulder checked Shelby as she walked out and winced at the sound of Shelby hitting the gym lockers. Her hands still sting where Andrew’s teeth had scrapped them.

———

Regan approaches Toni during science, her eyes serious. Martha straightens, and Toni does her best not to make eye contact.

“It’s not mine,” Regan says.

“Yeah duh,” Toni mutters.

Regan frowns, “I just—I didn’t want you to—”

“You made it perfectly clear what you want,” Toni says.

Regan sighs and leaves and Toni regrets it.

“Shelby thinks it’s Marcus,” Martha tells her. Toni blinks up at her and Martha nods. “She thinks he wrote it for me.”

“Martha, that kid is dumber than a box of rocks,” Toni says.

Martha furrows her brow, “Maybe he has hidden depths.”

“If you think it’s him ask him out,” Toni says.

“Shelby thinks it’s him,” Martha is quick to correct. “But he doesn’t even know who I am.”

Toni rolls her eyes. Marcus had been in love with Martha since the ninth grade. They had gotten placed as lab partners and he literally didn’t take his eyes off her the entire time. Every time there was a dance he would always look like he was about to say something, shoot his shot, when Martha would loudly proclaim she couldn’t wait to go with her friends.

Toni would’ve pulled the guy aside and told him to grow a pair, but a guy who’s not brave enough to go after what he wants wasn’t good enough for her Marty, not by a long shot.

“Rachel still thinks a girl wrote it,” Martha says.

“Maybe Rachel wrote it,” Toni mutters.

Martha’s eyes light up.

———

3.) no one has ever loved you this full surely you would drown in it all

Being a lifeguard was the worst. It was super boring, the pay was shit, and also Toni would probably get someone killed. Like, they pretended she was CPR certified but she absolutely had no idea how to do it. She went to some hour long course, slept through it, took a test that was just: should you kill people? And then they wrote some bullshit on some papers about a three week long set of classes.

But Shelby was tanned and golden looking and on their shifts they’d text back and forth about which kids they were betting on to win sharks and minnows. Tweenage boys in all their adolescent infancy would gaze open mouthed at Shelby and Toni alike but Shelby was the only one who let them down gently. Toni would ruin them for girls forever with something enough to cut through even the thickest skin.

On the fourth of July the pool paid for fireworks and Toni found a blanket and Shelby found her and they sat watching the reflections of the lights together. Shelby rested her head on Toni’s shoulder, all gentle, like she was afraid Toni would spook.

“I know this ain’t much of a holiday for you,” Shelby said. “But thank you for spending it with me.”

She had her hand on the blanket, splayed out like she was waiting for Toni to take it, there in front of everyone. Toni imagined a world in which she did.

———

“Yeah it’s not me,” Rachel says. “I wish I could write that good.”

Which is such bullshit because Toni knows Rachel could say well if she wanted to. Rachel’s weird inferiority complex about Nora pisses off Toni to no end. Nora’s the smart one, Rachel will be the first to say, and Rachel’s the athletic one. But Nora has a six minute mile and Rachel has perfect pitch so Toni hates them both.

“Maybe it’s Dot,” Toni suggests and Rachel, Nora, and Martha snicker.

Out of all of them, Martha’s the best driver, but they always end up in Rachel’s car after school anyway.

“Most of the school seems to think it’s by Andrew,” Nora says. Toni’s fists clench.

“Yeah,” Rachel rolls her eyes, “I’m sure he would love to take the credit. C’mon Toni, you don’t know any lesbians who could’ve written this?”

“You’re a lesbian too,” Toni says. “You don’t know any?”

“I don’t have a life outside of the pool,” Rachel says, “and none of them have picked up a book since Hop on Pop.”

“Regan says it wasn’t her,” Martha cuts in helpfully. “But maybe it’s another kid in theatre. Shelby says—”

“Oh my god,” Toni grits out. “What is everyone’s deal with her anyway? Why is everyone still obsessed with her? She’s just another basic Jesus bitch.”

The car goes quiet and Toni wishes she could melt into her seat cushion.

“I didn’t mean that,” Toni says.

“Except you did,” Martha snaps.

Toni winces.

“What’s your deal with her?” Rachel asks. “You guys were fine last year.”

“Quinn says there’s a poetry club,” Nora says. “Maybe it’s someone there?”

No one takes the bait and they don’t talk the rest of the way.

———

4.) she belongs in a museum, and you are merely here to gaze. look around you, all the signs scream ‘do not touch’

“Shelby?”

Toni grabbed the shoulder of the girl and pulled her away from Marcus. Shelby was bruised lips and ruined make up and Toni took her by the hand. Thank god Martha wasn’t here, thank god Andrew wasn’t here, thank god Marcus looked just as trashed.

“Toni?” Shelby sorta stumbled, her ankle twisting painfully on her heel and Toni steadied her.

Shelby could do a cartwheel in six inch heels.

“I’m gonna get you home, okay?” Toni called over the music.

Shelby didn’t really respond, just leant into Toni as she led her away and outside. The party had spilled into the backyard and front yard some, the cops probably already on their way, but everyone was too fucking hammered to notice them making their way out.

Shelby’s house was only about a twenty minute walk but it was cold and Toni was only wearing her basketball shorts and her mom’s jacket that she promptly put over Shelby’s shoulders.

“Are you still—” Shelby swallowed hard, “You’re still living with your mom?”

“Mostly with Martha,” Toni said.

“Martha’s great,” Shelby said. “She’s so pretty it makes my eyes hurt.”

“One of our finest,” Toni grunted as Shelby nearly fell on her heels again.

“She could be a model,” Shelby told her. “We should get waffle house.”

“Shelbs, we’re nowhere near a waffle house.”

“What was Becca’s order? At waffle house?”

Toni sighed, looping an arm around her. “I dunno.”

“Neither do I,” Shelby said.

“I’m sorry, Shelby,” Toni said.

Shelby shook her head and stopped right there, circling her arms around Toni and pressing her into a hug. Toni closed her eyes, holding her back as tightly as she dared.

“Oh, Shelby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

———

“Day two!” Mr. Williams calls. He taps the poem again, “I will investigate the handwriting if the poet doesn’t come forward by Friday. I know it’s someone in one of my classes.”

His eyes narrow as he takes them all in and his eyes don’t linger on Toni. Not even for a moment.

There’s a part of her that wants to march up to the front of the room and write her name down, make eye contact with everyone who never even considered her before. But no one expects shit from her, and even if he does go over the handwriting he won’t really be able to pin it on her. He might not even bother checking to see if it matches.

Toni tries not to jump when Marcus takes the seat in front of her during quant lit. It’s not like they have assigned seating but everyone sticks to the same seats anyway. Marcus won’t get shit for it though, perks of being the quarterback.

“So, listen,” he scratches the back of his head and Toni rolls her eyes at him. “I know we aren’t really friends but I—um.”

“Marcus,” Toni says.

“I wanna ask Martha out,” Marcus rushes out. “She’s like the nicest, smartest, coolest girl in the school and like her eyes are out of this world radical.” Radical? “And I would take her somewhere nice like Olive Garden. Or Cheesecake Factory? And pay for it, and open all the doors for her, and I’d carry her books to class—”

“On your date? This is happening during school?” Toni asks.

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to connect the dots. Football players.

“Oh no! I meant like, after, if she wants me to,” He says. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Can I ask her out?”

Toni blinks at him. “What?”

“My buddy said if you want to get with a girl you get close to the best friend first, and I figured I’d ask you for your blessing because that’s what they do in old fashioned stuff right?” He bounces up in down in his seat. “Can I? Or like, do you wanna give me your blessing?”

She feels like she’s having an aneurysm.

Listen, Marcus having feelings for Martha is one thing. Everyone on the planet who’s ever met Martha falls a little in love with her. That’s kinda just how she operates. Toni narrowly avoided that pitfall by being lucky enough to know her since she was five, but it was a tough time. But Marcus was never gonna act on it. Marcus can’t—he’s the quarterback.

It’s basic math, Marcus is a six foot five football player with shoulders wide enough to bench press the Subaru Forrester Toni’s legally required to buy when she turns thirty-two. He’s got that all American boy smile that shows of perfectly white teeth, and dark hair that sweeps in front of his eyes. His face looks like it was sculpted out of marble, like literally he looks like some sort of roman god, except if that roman god volunteered at the humane society on the weekends and called his mom Mami.

Martha is a res girl who’s best friend is the dyke with anger issues. And like yeah, she’s stupid pretty, but Marcus has exclusively dated varsity cheerleaders since the seventh grade.

So yeah, even if Marcus may have feelings for Marty, everyone fucking does, and there’s a host of reasons why she doesn’t have a date to every dance and a new guy every week. And most of them are the cliche high school movie hierarchy sort.

“It’s really none of my business, man,” she says.

“Dude, it’s totally your business,” Marcus says. He leans closer, “you two are like sisters right? What do I gotta do to prove I’m not gonna hurt her? I’ll do your math homework for a month, no two months.”

A thought occurs to Toni and it’s a terrible one. But when has that ever stopped her?

“You’re in my honors English class right?”

Marcus’s face screws in, “Uh, yeah. But I don’t think you want me doing your homework in there, I’m like totally failing.”

“I have a better idea.”

———

5.) she touches you like youre fragile, and if you break you wont be able put yourself together again

Dot was asleep which was Toni’s first indication that something was deeply wrong. The second was that Shelby wasn’t. She was definitely trying her darnedest, but Toni could tell she was awake. Awake in her arms.

Toni shifted, just enough to let Shelby know she was awake too. The movie was some horror flick, something dumb and flashy and almost muted it was so quiet. It was the only thing rated R that they could all agree on. Dot’s house was the only place they were allowed to watch anything rated R when they were still thirteen, so it was all they watched there.

She felt Shelby shift up, so her head rested on Toni’s chest, shifted until her lips met Toni’s clavicle.

Toni wondered if she’d die.

Shelby went up instead of down, pressing kisses up the length of Toni’s neck, soft barely there things that made Toni’s breath catch as she watched Dot snore on the couch next to them.

Toni’s hands moved to the inside of Shelby’s thighs and they stared there, tracing delicate patterns that only made Shelby curl closer.

“I think you’re probably the most beautiful girl I ever saw,” Shelby whispered.

“I—”

“I’m not done.”

Toni’s mouth clamped shut.

“I think about you all the time,” Shelby whispered. “Even when I—”

“Shelby,” Toni warned. Shelby pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“You’re right,” Shelby said.

Neither of them slept that night.

———

Toni walks into class three minutes late with Mr. Williams, and takes her seat with a sulk.

“He still won’t let me redo that paper,” Toni mutters to Martha who’s eyes are wide.

“Toni, Marcus just—” She nods her head at the poem where Mr. Williams is studying it too.

“Marcus Gonzales?” Mr. Williams asks.

Marcus gets to his feet.

“You wrote this?”

“Yessir.”

“This poem right here?”

“Yessir.”

Mr. Williams blinks and takes off his spectacles, setting them down on the desk. “We’ll talk after class. I should hope everyone has a copy of—”

“I wrote it for Martha,” Marcus doesn’t sit down and the entire class stares at him.

“—Franny and Zooey and I would like you all to turn to page 52. Begin by annotating—”

“Martha, can I take you out on a date?” Marcus asks.

“—this first section, and on to page 64. Remember what Seymour serves as in—”

Martha blushes hard and glances at Toni who smiles before she looks back at Marcus in all his golden boy 6’5” glory.

“Um, okay,” she mutters out and he grins.

“Cool.” Marcus finally sits and gives Toni a thumbs up. She rolls her eyes.

“—this story and compare that to his roles in the other parts of the work we’ve read.”

“I told you it was for you, girl,” Shelby says on Martha’s other side. “People always have a way of surprising you.”

———

6.) she is all bubblegum skies and chapped stick kisses, and you cannot watch the love run out of another persons eyes

They were all a little bit slap happy by the end of the night. A little bit drunk, a little bit high, and laughing far too hard at one another.

“I’m scared,” Shelby told them, still grinning wider than any pageant smile.

“Girl, you picked dare,” Fatin said.

“I did,” Shelby bit her lip. “But all y’all dared Leah to do was finish the vodka.”

“That was—that was bad vodka,” Leah slurred from her position on Dot’s lap.

“But now we’re out of vodka,” Martha sang. “You picked dare.”

“I’ll go with you,” Toni got to her feet, surprised when they were more steady than she assumed they’d be. “Two chairs right?”

“Alright,” Shelby said. “And you’ll hold my hand?”

“Sure princess,” Toni rolled her eyes.

It was an office supply place, probably. The parking lot had this killer decline, and it was one of those spring nights where nothing could really ruin anything. Not forever.

The rolling chairs were kinda gross, left there but not yet picked up by the garbage men. They had to do a special pickup for that, which costed extra. No one in the office had done it for the weeks the girls had been going there after parties.

“Be careful,” Nora urged.

“Don’t fall,” Rachel suggested.

“Hold on, I’m not recording yet,” Fatin said. “Okay now go.”

They pushed off in their rolling chairs, holding hands, and sped down the decline laughing as they barely managed to hold on and steer at the same time.

Toni went flying as she bumped into a patch of grass and for some reason, Shelby went flying with her, landing on top. Toni grunted, but she wasn’t in pain, not really.

They met eyes.

“Sorry,” Shelby said. She didn’t sound sorry.

“You okay?” Toni asked.

Shelby smiled, this real soft thing, Toni wondered what it’d taste like.

“Fuck yeah bitches! I’m so putting that on snapchat!” Fatin screamed and Shelby pulled away, turning white.

“God if this is you in in freshman year, I’m terrified of you as a senior,” Toni called back.

Shelby’s hand slipped out of her’s and Toni tried very very hard not to overthink it.

———

“So I’ve been thinking,” Leah said. Toni took her gym bag out of her locker, pretty much the only thing she kept in there.

“Oh no.”

“Rachel was right about that poem being written by a girl,” Leah continued. “Which meant Marcus lied. And Marcus would never do that unless someone gave him permission to take credit. And since Marcus lied so he could ask Martha out that means the person who wrote the poem wanted Martha to be happy.”

Toni swallowed hard and tried not to fumble with the lock, stumbling with it.

“Toni,” Leah walked over to her. “You need to face the facts: Shelby’s into you.”

Toni blinked, “What?”

“She wrote that whole poem for you, don’t tell me you don’t see it. It’s about you!”

“She—” Toni stopped and furrowed her brow, finally making eye contact with Leah, “You think she wrote that poem for me?”

Leah nodded, “And she let Marcus take the credit. Listen, I know I’m right. I’ve been thinking about it for ages. Whatever fight the two of you had—you need to get over it. She’s into you, Toni. She’s been into you.”

“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about,” Toni told her. “Seriously, fuck you Leah and fuck off. This is none of your fucking business.”

“You aren’t denying it,” Leah crowed. “Shelby likes you.”

“No she fucking doesn’t!” Toni spat at her. “She fucking hates me! She didn’t write that poem Marcus did! For Martha!”

Leah’s brow furrowed, “But… but you wanted her to. Didn’t you?”

Toni looked away.

“Shelby’s actually straight, isn’t she?” Leah asked. “Fuck Toni.”

“I’m happy for Martha,” Toni said, and marched away.

———

7.) if you jump, she might catch you, and then youd have to watch as she tumbled through the dark

“What if we ran away?” Shelby asked, which was Toni’s third indication that the punch was spiked.

The first two were her arms wrapped around Toni’s waist, swaying in the soft breeze to the distant music of Junior prom.

“Oh yeah?” Toni asked. “Where’d we go?”

“Peru,” Shelby said. “Or LA, or New York or—” Shelby sort of trailed off, losing her thought halfway through it.

“Our parents,” Toni pointed out. She’d moved in with Martha a few months ago but her mom had taken it as a wakeup call, promising to get her shit back together as soon as she could. Toni couldn’t help but believe her, even if it put her in stasis.

“Right,” Shelby sounded cold, “Our parents.”

“Are things worse with them?” Toni asked.

“No,” Shelby said. “The same, really. They’ve lightened up since—since Becca. Have you heard from your mom?”

“Every week or so,” Toni said. “And if you ever need a break you know—“

“Martha is happy to have me,” Shelby finished.

Toni smiled and pulled away enough to meet Shelby’s eyes, her hands slid from behind Shelby’s neck to either side.

“Did I tell you you look beautiful tonight?” Toni asked.

“You did,” Shelby said.

“Can I say it again?”

“You can.”

“You look beautiful tonight.” Shelby closed her eyes and Toni tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You’re gonna get out, you know that right?”

Shelby nodded, leaning into Toni’s hand.

Later, Toni will learn that was one of two lies Shelby told that night.

———

Martha gets home at 11:30, exactly when Marcus promised, and Toni smiles as her sister collapses backwards into her bed.

“Toni,” she actually giggles, giggles like a little school girl. “It was amazing.”

“Where’d you go?” Toni asks.

“Olive Garden, I think he was trying to win points with you,” Martha says.

“As he should,” Toni nods.

“He was the perfect gentleman,” Martha swoons. She rolls onto her stomach and looks at Toni and oh god, Toni knows that look. “He did tell me something about you, though.”

“Oh yeah? How I’m better in quant lit than him?” Toni asks.

“He told me you wrote the poem,” she says.

Toni looks away, “Okay, and?”

“You told me you were over Regan,” Martha says.

“It’s complicated,” Toni decides. “And whatever. I wrote it awhile ago anyway.”

“Have you thought about submitting it to that contest Mr. Williams was talking about?” Martha asks.

“Can we go back to talking about your date with Prince Charming?” Toni says. Martha acquiesces, she’s too damn giddy to do anything else.

———

8.) her gaze is too gentle. you will not be the one to tell her that not everything can be fixed with a smile

“Toni,” Dot began, and Toni could tell she was looking at her. “Toni, is Shelby—is she gay?”

Toni snickered, “Dot, Shelby is possibly the biggest straight girl in our school. Maybe our state. She’d sooner give herself a buzzcut than she would ever even kiss a girl."

“Andrew said Shelby got a job as a counselor at this church camp—Guiding Light—in Plano,” Dot said. “I wanted to find the address so I could write to her and it’s a conversion camp.”

The breath left Toni’s body.

“What?”

“And I got to thinking,” Dot said. “About what a mess she was after Becca died this year. Ignoring us, going to all those parties, signing up for a crazy number of pageants. Hell, it was only once you two started talking that she talked to us again.”

“Stop it, Dot.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

“Dot,” Toni said.

“Because if she’s gay, if she’s not there as a camp counselor—Toni, did you know about this?”

“Of course not! Jesus!” Toni said. She jumped to her feet and started to pace, “Jesus Christ. Oh my god.”

“Toni is Shelby gay?”

Toni looked at Dot and Dot sighed, her entire body sagging.

“What do we do?” Toni asked.

Dot, her solid, steady, friend since fucking youth soccer was silent.

“Dot, what do we do?”

“Dot, what the fuck do we do?”

———

Shelby finds her before school, Toni smoking like she hasn’t since ninth grade when Bernice gave her a stern lecture about lung cancer. It made Toni cry, actually. Not because it was so stern but because Martha and Toni had been separated for three years and Bernice still cared enough to get angry with her. She promised then and there to stop, and each drag she took now makes her feel like she’s committing treason.

“Smokin’ kills,” Shelby tells her, like they didn’t all go to Dot’s dad’s funeral last year.

Toni takes another drag, just to watch Shelby roll her eyes.

“How’d Martha’s date go last night?” Shelby asks.

Toni glares, “Seriously? You avoid me all year and now you’re asking about Martha’s date?” Shelby looks away. “It went fine. Whatever.”

“I just—I was surprised Marcus wrote that poem is all.”

“You literally said multiple times you thought it was him,” Toni says.

“I know, I know but—”

“Still holding out hope for Andrew?” Toni sneers. “Marcus may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he cares about Martha. Even a fucking idiot could write a half decent poem if they had someone worth writing about.”

Shelby meets her eyes and Toni’s breath catches.

“Know a lot about poetry, Toni?”

Fuck fuck fuck.

Toni flicks the only half used cigarette away. “I have to go to class,” She says, aware it’s just about the worst thing she can do.

Shelby doesn’t even need the last word, she’s aware she’s already won.  

———

9.) she is so good. she is so good, and you cannot ruin one more good thing

It hadn’t been the first time Toni found her mom overdosed on the couch, but it’d been the most terrifying. Toni had waited in the school parking lot for a pick up for twenty minutes before Shelby had offered her a ride.

When they trooped inside, after having to use the key Tamera kept tucked away in a loose brick, her mom had been passed out on the couch. And the stupid thing had been that Toni had known her mom hadn’t been doing great. Like she’d known Tamera had lost her job, and was close to losing the car, that the pain in her back had been getting worse again from stress. Toni had known that.

But for some stupid, naive reason, Toni had never thought she’d pull this, go back to who she was.

Her tolerance was low, the doctors had told her, because she’d been clean for so long. She hadn’t realized it and had taken more than she could handle.

Shelby had taken the three of them to the hospital, helped carry Toni’s drooling mother into the ER, and held Toni’s hand until the other girls showed up, who she texted to come.

Shelby had been there when the police and social services came to talk to her about going back into foster care. Shelby had never left her side.

Toni couldn’t help but contrast that to the Shelby she saw now. The Shelby who showed up for senior year was barely christian, barely anything, just sort of blank and empty and waiting to grow up so she could have daughters that'd also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also wait to grow up so that they could have daughters that’d also

Shelby didn’t even look at her, for the first week of senior year she didn’t even look at Toni. She talked with Martha in that faux friendly way, she passed off on lunch invitations to do school work and Toni felt like she was going insane.

Sometimes she would just stare at the back of Shelby’s head in English class, writing whatever gibberish came to mind, and not listening to Mr. Williams at all. Just stare, for forty-five minutes, at a girl who wouldn’t even make eye contact, Toni’s pencil moving rapidly as she barely even glanced at the words her hands produced.

On the last day of the semester Toni finally looked away and came to two realizations:

a. Her mother was never getting better. Not really. b. Toni had written P E R U over forty times in her notebook.

As quietly as she could she tore the page out, and maybe about fifteen pages behind it, filled with similar drivel and recycled them at the end of class.

When the next semester started the seats were changed and something she’d written that she barely remembered was on the board.

Her mother was still in rehab.

———

Toni watches Marcus carry Martha’s backpack to class and watches as Martha giggles at him, argues with him. She is literally so happy it makes Toni’s heart burst.

“Shelby’s quite the matchmaker, huh?” Fatin asks.

Toni looks at her.

“Leah told me,” Fatin explains.

Toni rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too,” Fatin says. “Leah’s good at noticing things but putting the pieces together is not her strong suit. So I called Dorothy.”

This makes Toni’s shoulders tense and Fatin wraps an arm around them.

“Dorothy didn’t want to talk but what she didn’t say was enough.” Fatin sighs, “I’m all for a little drama but this is cutting into my me time.”

“What going from twenty-four hours a day to twenty-three and a half?” Toni asks.

“God forbid,” Fatin nods sagely. “I didn’t know you could write.”

“I can’t.”

“Clearly not.”

Toni slips out from under her arm, and follows Martha into class. Mr. Williams glares as she comes in and Toni realizes if Marcus came clean to Martha he definitely came clean to Mr. Williams. At least the poem is off the board.

When he passes out papers from a recent essay her’s has a “see me after class” sticker that makes Toni slide down in her seat. Martha doesn’t even notice enough to give her an odd look because she and Shelby are yukking it up about the quarterback.

When everyone files out she hangs back and he looks at her, over his spectacles.

“I’m disappointed,” he says at last.

Toni scoffs.

“You write essays based off spark notes, you never participate, and half the time you don’t even do the homework. But you write this.” He slides the crumpled paper over his desk, her poem shining back at her. “So all I can conclude is that you’re lazy.”

Yeah, obviously.

“Why did you have Marcus tell everyone he wrote it?” Mr. Williams asks.

“So he could ask out Martha.”

“He didn’t need to have written the poem to do that,” Mr. Williams says.

“Can I go?” Toni asks.

“I want to submit this poem to a contest, I want you to start trying in this class, and this,” he hands her a slip of paper with about twenty sets of numbers on it, “is a list of Dickinson poems I want you to read by next week. Pick at least three to write me at least a page about. Single spaced.”

“What?” Toni asks, “You can’t make me do that.”

“I know half the kids in this class write off spark notes, I can easily have them all—including you—fail. So yes, yes I can actually.” He takes off his spectacles and Toni glares at him. “You’re a smart kid, Toni. You’ve got a talent for this.”

Toni shakes her head, “I’m a one hit wonder.”

“You know Britney Spears said the same thing after Baby One More Time.”

“That’s not true,” Toni says.

“Yeah,” Mr. Williams says. “Because she kept working at it.”

And Toni takes the slip of paper with the numbers on it, and marches to her next class and he watches her the whole way, not bothering to put on his stupid spectacles.

———

10.) you will not watch her crumble under the weight of your sins. she is too light, too breathless to be caught up in the dizziness of your heart

Dot didn’t invite them all to the funeral but they came anyway, even Shelby who Toni knew had been waffling back and forth.

Some of his army friends showed up, a doctor or two, and Mateo—the hot nurse Dot steadily ignored. It was a small and quiet service, and the seven of them sat towards the back, holding steady for her.

There was too much on Dot’s shoulders, there always had been, but she didn’t look any freer now that the burden was lifted. She just looked scared, small, and sad.

Toni couldn’t help but wonder if that was what she’d look like, if she got the call about her mom. It was a terribly selfish thought but who could blame her?

Shelby’s hands interlocked with hers, in broad daylight, and stayed there for the entire day. When Toni met her eyes she saw pure terror reflected back at her.

God, were they really only seventeen?

———

Rachel is complaining at lunch about owing Nora five bucks, how she was so sure some closet case wrote the poem but it’s no surprise Nora got it right.

Fatin and Leah don’t contribute and Martha probably wouldn’t have either except she was eating lunch with Marcus, they had found their own little table and were smiling at one another.

“They’re certainly cute together,” Shelby says, glancing back at Martha and Marcus.

“I say it’s weird they have the same name,” Rachel says.

“Says the girl who dated a guy named Raymond,” Nora says.

Rachel throws a straw wrapper at him, “That was a phase and you know it.”

“Marcus is sweet,” Shelby says. “If anyone deserves someone sweet it’s Martha.”

“Don’t you think he’s a little,” Leah trailed off and they all looked at her. “You know a little…”

“Spit it out, Leah,” Rachel says.

“Like the porch lights on but no one’s home?” Leah says.

“Martha is smart enough for the both of them,” Toni says. “And thank god because I was sick of doing his homework in quant lit.”

“That’s literally the easiest math class there is,” Fatin says and Toni shrugs.

“What’s that?” Shelby asks, pointing at the yellow slip sticking out of Toni’s binder.

“Some extra credit stuff, from Williams. Apparently I’m not doing so hot in that class,” Toni says.

Rachel leans way over from the other end of the table. “What is that, Dickinson?”

“It’s a list of numbers,” Shelby says. “Why would it be Dickinson?”

“All of Dickinson’s poems were numbered. It was only after she died that other people named them,” Nora says.

“And Nora said it so you know it’s true,” Rachel smirks.

“Join the fucking club,” Dot says to Toni. “I don’t know why y’all didn’t take non-honors English twelve with me. We just sit around and talk about whatever football game was on the most recently.”

“Well I’ve never liked football so.” Toni gets up, “I’ve gotta talk to my science teacher. I’ll see you guys after school.”

“I’ll go with you,” Shelby smiles and Toni clenches her jaw. “Ms. Roberts said I needed to rework my psych paper.”

“See you guys,” Rachel says and as they leave she’s arguing with Dot about why football is stupid and Toni can feel Fatin’s eyes on her all the way out.

———

reasons to kiss her

1.) she loves you, and her eyes are closed, and didnt your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting

Toni hated the magnet program kids at her middle school. Like everyone not in their cluster she found them annoying, rich, and privileged as fuck. They only hung out with each other and it was clear they’d never give—

———

“Toni?”

The stair well is empty, it’s the short cut through the language hallway and no one goes there during lunch.

Toni is working hard on ignoring Shelby but is forced to turn around when Shelby stops halfway up.

“Ms. Roberts doesn’t need me to rework my psych paper.”

Toni stares at her.

Shelby takes a step up, one step closer to Toni.

“I had hoped maybe you wrote it for Regan,” Shelby says.

“No such luck,” Toni croaks out.

“That’s a lot of reasons not to kiss someone,” Shelby says. “You’d think if you really shouldn’t kiss someone you’d only need the one.” She takes another step up, until they’re only separated by a few inches.

“I guess,” Toni says.

“Are you really gonna keep me waiting?” Shelby says.

Toni blinks, “You mean you still—”

“I have to do everything myself,” Shelby says.

She kisses her.

[allaboardtheussharringrove]

So @billy-baby mentioned That 70’s Show and Harringrove, and it reminded me of a *whole ass* set of hc’s about a 70’s/Stranger Things AU that has been sitting in my notes for literal years collecting dust, so here it is:

-Billy & Hyde would be besties, probably neighbours in the same shitty neighbourhood

-They headbang to hard rock and metal, jam to 60’s & 70’s rock while drinking TONS of beer and hotboxing the Camaro and El Camino, respectively

-Bands they’d have in common: AC/DC, Black Sabbath & Ozzy Osbourne, Scorpions, KISS, Judas Priest, Van Halen, and Led Zeppelin just to name a couple

-Hyde always gives Billy shit for like, never wearing a shirt, Billy gives Hyde shit for his ever-present sunglasses & sideburns

-They know each other’s parental problems, and take refuge in the Forman’s basement/the empty Harrington house (yes, we’re talkin’ a Hawkins, Indiana/Point Place, Wisconsin mashup here)

-Billy still has a major crush on Steve (Harrington that is, Steven Hyde will only be referred to as Hyde [and that possible name mix-up could cause some hilarity whenever anyone calls out “Steven”, and some embarrassing rumour drama for Billy, Steve, & Hyde (or omg a block party at the Formans where Kitty calls out “William! Steven! Michael!” And she turns around and has Billy, Will, Hyde, Steve, Mike, and Kelso starting at her expectantly)])

-Billy probably also thinks Eric and Kelso are kinda cute, but total dumbasses, they both definitely annoy him

-Fez would have a totally awkward and hilarious crush on Billy, and you just know Billy would flirt with him on purpose just to make him nervous (this might make Steve a lil jealous and annoy him to no end)

-Jackie would have the BIGGEST crush on Steve, after Kelso, and drag him around to go shopping and shit, he would tolerate it but Billy would absolutely hate her as a “bitchy rich entitled snot-nosed brat” cause she would be vocal about him being poor and he’d have to be calmed down by Hyde and Steve all the time

-Billy would give Hyde an unimaginable amount of shit for going out with Jackie, hooo boy!

-Steve would get a kick outta Kelso, but I think he and Eric would be pretty close friends, with Steve always pushing to hang around at the Forman’s cause Eric’s parents are always present, as opposed to his empty house (he adores Kitty Forman for SURE as the mother he never had)

-But the gang would surely hold parties at the Harrington’s....and only sometimes get away with it (both these groups are known for their KEGS! and the 70’s teens would lose their damn minds over Keg Kings Billy & Steve)

-Billy would put the charm on for Kitty sometimes just to see her blush, and Red would get annoyed and just a little threatening saying something like “Like to see how charming you are with my foot up your ass” and Billy being the abused kid that he is automatically takes it a little too seriously- probably flinches, goes a little pale, stutters out a “Yes sir, sorry sir”

-This would make Kitty and Red a bit concerned, pay a visit to the Hargrove household- I wouldn’t be surprised if they experience Neil putting Billy down or catch a glimpse of a smack or something and they would for sure take action with Red intimidating Neil cause you know he could

-Anyway! Girls. Robin and Donna would be THE BEST FRIENDS EVER, cause Donna had no other cool girl friend to hang out with and you just KNOW Robin might have an “itsy bitsy” (huge) crush on Donna, cause she’s Hot Donna, also they’re both super into female empowerment (and honestly, when Donna/Eric break up I could see her maybe falling for Robin too)

-Donna and Billy would be buds, she might like him for a hot minute but be cool with him being gay (Out of everyone in the 70’s gang, I think he’d most likely share this with her - cause she’d probably figure it out - even if it’s just to gush about their dumb, brave, pretty brunette boys to each other)

-Max would LOVE Donna, not just because of the hair (but also redhead solidarity is important), but because they’re both badasses and would totally vibe together- Max, Billy, and Donna would be an unexpectedly fun trio (and Billy would complain about having to drive the “GingeTwins” around all the time or something to that effect)

-And Jackie having to babysit Erica (because Donna does it sometimes, but she’s out for the night) would be the best thing ever good lord, Erica would put Jackie in her place, but they’d probably make up some schemes together too

-Also Erica would be absolutely appalled at having a similar name to Eric, she’d probably call him something along the lines of “Supreme Nerd” or “King of the Nerds” and have an endless supply of unimpressed looks for him during their debates of whose name is better

-Eric would totally join Mike, Will, Lucas & Dustin in their nerd exploits (STAR WARS!) And he and Dustin would get into loooong nerd debates

-I think Kelso would join Dustin & Lucas (and maybe the other boys too) in doing mischievous experiments including but not limited to: pyrotechnics, wrist rockets, radios and electronics... He’d begrudgingly listen to the scientific explanations of the boys (which would all fly right over his head) and they would have a moderate success rate, but also have to run away from the trouble they’d get in

-Lucas and Hyde would always be cool, but after finding out about Hyde’s biological dad they could become closer (Hyde’s dad and Lucas would have the best banter)

-Will and Eric would geek out over comics, and I think Eric would be super nice/supportive about seeing Will’s drawings

-Jonathan would be pretty quiet at first, but might talk to Fez since they’re both kinda the odd man out in each group (and he’d be genuinely NICE to Fez, *side eyes 70’s teens*)- then he’d be roped into doing random/stupid/mildly illegal stuff with the gang

-And despite Billy & Hyde being besties, I think Jonathan would bond with Hyde over shitty dads (plus I think Hyde would love Joyce, and she’d be another offer of refuge for him & Billy) and WEED WEED WEED

-Actually that might definitely be a sub-trio: Jonathan, Billy, & Hyde- they’d all have each other’s backs when it came to family drama (and later on when Hyde gets his record store, he’d offer them both jobs and Jonathan would be over the fuckin’ moon and work there)

-Billy would for sure work for Red in his muffler shop, and Red would take him under his wing, probably unwittingly become the father figure Billy never had.

-Nancy, hmmm, well she’s on the richer side of town so her and Jackie might be friends? but she’d for sure get annoyed with Jackie’s shallow bullshit

-OH and Robin would also hate Jackie I think, ‘cause of her entitlement and relentless obsession with boys (poor Jackie, I’m not setting her up for anything great here huh)

-So that’d be why Steve is friends with her, if only ‘cause he feels bad when she alienates herself from the rest of the teens, they (and I hate to say this) *could possibly* date for like 5 minutes, it’d be a REALLY hard time for Billy...and Kelso. And those two would probably come up with some hairbrained scheme to break them up (and succeed, but each get ripped a new one because of it)

-But at least the group of teen girls would be bigger if Donna, Robin, Jackie, and Nancy all hung out together sometimes (and if they tried to have a sleepover or something there would be toooo many idiot boys trying to creep on them, I think Billy would be the voice of reason and tell them they’re all being dickheads)

-And he’d give Fez a fuck ton of shit for being such a voyeuristic creep, probably make him stop hiding in people closets (wait what? Fez is like constantly coming out of closets in that show?! hello?? is that a thing??? Oh ho-ho they’d have a whole talk about that)

-Steve would get a kick outta Fez, probably think he was the funniest dude on the planet, as I’d say they’re the goofballs of the group (and yes, I am mostly excluding the King Steve narrative from this and using only cool mom Steve, cool? cool.)

-Steve might also have a lil crush on Donna, (‘cause a strong personality and blue eyes is like his kink, we all know this) but Eric would throw a fit about that and then they’d be all buddy-buddy discussing Donna & Billy (I think Eric being kind of a dumbass about his own gay kiss might put Steve off for a bit [and make Billy super hesitant and real pissed], but I also think Eric would be cool with hearing Steve out about his big bisexuality-discovery-adventure)

-Donna and Eric trying set Steve and Billy up by saying they’re all gonna hang out, and then like locking Billy/Steve in a room together or something and leaving😈

-When Billy/Steve’s relationship comes out, Hyde’s reaction is probably “That’s cool, man” Kelso would make some corny statement about how hot *he* is, Fez would probably fangirl over it with big ole heart eyes, Jackie would be like “weird, whatever”, Kitty would get flustered and then overly excited about it after a while, Red would be uncomfortable but okay with it saying something like “I better not catch you two dumbasses doing anything in my house”

-Ohmygod, Red as a father figure to Billy, Kitty as a mother figure to Steve, and they end up being so supportive of the boys ‘cause they have to put up with so much parental shit (say what you want, but the Formans have compassion) and they convert their house/backyard into a little private prom for the whole gang just so Billy/Steve can dance together and be themselves

-Billy, Steve, and Robin would die laughing every time they saw/talked to Leo. And I feel like Robin would talk her way into a job at the Photo Hut and then just end up being the manager and hires Jonathan herself to do the developments

-And you know how Hyde is always punching Kelso in the arm? Well he’d always get one, and Billy would punch the other arm as he’d classify Kelso a special kind of idiot, they’d always be teasing Kelso together, but Billy (and Steve I’m sure) would have some wicked BURNS that Kelso would love

-Steve and Kelso as friends? Sure, pretty boys gotta stick together~ especially when Steve gets called that by Billy, and then Kelso insists he’s a prettier boy, and Billy either rolls his eyes or flirts aggressively cause Kelso doesn’t understand WHY that’s Steve’s nickname, and it’s a whole can of worms you guys

-(And I didn’t forget about El, I’m just not quite sure where she fits in this AU... she probably doesn’t have powers and is the new kid who moves into town cause of a bad home life, she’d befriend Max in school and then I think Donna would take her under wing, then she’d be a hit with the teen gang cause she’d break her quietness with witty comments/one-liners, and since she’s very intuitive still, she gravitates towards Billy & Hyde and there would be some touching heart-to-hearts about shitty parental situations followed immediately after by inappropriate offers of beer to which she responds with a firm “gross”)

-And finally, *the Circle* would be so much bigger and funnier with the Stranger Teens in it