#anyway i’m too old to be here

[closetcasefabray]

didn’t wanna hijack that post about being afraid of getting wisdom teeth out bc laughing gas & the possibility of outting yourself, so i just made this overtired rambling post. tell me if i’ve shared this before...

but this post just knocked something loose & i remembered when i was figuring out how to come out to some friends at university. i expected ppl to be relatively okay, but i had never told anyone explicitly, & i did have some mild concerns re: friends (i wasn’t ready to come out to my family at the time & i had gotten my wisdom teeth out having only repeatedly annoyed my mother by coming in & out of sleep & each time demanding a chocolate milkshake).

so 20 yr old me made a plan: if you drink, you’ll have the recklessness & confidence to come out. also if you’re drunk & it doesn’t go over well you can just say, “haha! i was joking! i’m just super drunk rn.”

so i got hammered almost every night for a week & never came out. i just anxiously drank & ended up with some of my worst hangovers yet (i would give anything to have back my 20 yr old hangovers.)

the next week, i had a new (but really the same) plan: if you smoke a lot of weed, you’ll be mellowed out & everyone will be chill. also if you’re high & it doesn’t go over well you can just say, “haha! i was joking! i’m just super high rn.”

so i got ridiculously stoned every night for the next week & never came out. i got couch-lock & had a dumb smile the entire time my internal monologue aggressively debated itself about coming out.

then a bit later, the last month of the school year, i was so sleep deprived & stressed out, i just needed to tell someone in my life.

so i was chainsmoking cigarettes outside my dorm & my friend joined & we’re just quiet but internally i’m screaming at myself “JUST FUCKING SAY IT!” so in the middle of an extended silence i blurt out, “i have to tell you something! i’ve been trying to tell you for like two weeks now. so i just have to say it now” & he like laughed a little & said, “you’re a lesbian!” & i felt my lip tremble & he just said “oh shit. ok. that’s fine.” & hugged me. (also i identified as bi then, so i had clarified.)

then later when i told him my failed plans he was like “oh me & N had been wondering what was going on & if we should be concerned.” bc to them i literally was on a two week bender for no apparent reason.

so, kids, you don’t gotta drink & do drugs to come out. but if you do out yourself on laughing gas & it doesn’t go over well, try “haha! i was joking! i was just super high!” or not.

come out on your own terms. do whatever you need to do to exist & feel safe. if you’re really nervous about getting your wisdom teeth out, try to arrange it so a friend can take you—who you’re out to or who would most likely not tell other ppl & will handle it best. come up with a reason you have to go when your parents are working. if you are out to a sibling, see if they can either take you to the appointment or just be there to kind of mediate/deescalate.

also your mouth is full of blood & gauze so they tell you not to talk much & it’s p damn difficult to talk when you can’t feel half your face. in my head it was just easiest to not talk & just sleep. i was so out of it that i essentially had the mindset of “until there’s a milkshake in front of me, i’m sleeping.” i would bet you that (what you think at the time are) your immediate needs take over & if anything you’re distracted by your immediate surroundings.

[designernishiki]

ladies and gentlemen. we got em

[sunnibits]

moaning.

[foxgloveinspace]

People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.

[bitethedevil]

pray for me. I am withering away and slowly dying (I have a hangover)

[goldensunset]

pov a huge twewy/ntwewy nerd visits shibuya part 3

not accessible until so so late in ntwewy but always had something super cool going on when it did (irl this park was. not as big and impressive as i thought it would be)

nefastraven grinding hell (needing a ton of rare metals to get all those special cds… ugh) wish i had a better photo of those signs that said center street oops

the gang gets slapped by the nightmare reality of the game, abandoned by their new dad, forced into a new game, and then… locked inside a gate. in a cutesy loud and bright place. while they’re still trying to process so much awful stuff. (this place was highkey sensory hell but it was cool. but why is that blue anime boy named colon)

rich person store (dang anime poster decimating the whole mirror wall!!!) + plaza where i would soundsurf in a circle for like 20 minutes

ok NOW i think i’ve covered all my stuff. yippee!!! this was so fun

[alsoanyways]

the disgraced princess / a crisis of faith

[goldkirk]

I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

[vvitchering]

.

[alelelesimz]

😀!!!!

[yuanwang]

not that i was sooo active before but just a heads up <3

[gogandmagog]

“A love story with a psychological interest … a rather doubtful experiment with a public who expects a certain style from an author."

— Lucy Maud Montgomery, the Selected Journals of, on the subject of 'Kilmeny of the Orchard'

[bobbys-not-that-small]

Someone got me thinking more about Kipps and what he represents this evening and I was thinking about the parallels I felt with no longer being a student.

I graduated before most of my uni friends for various reasons, and when I went back to visit them I was always overwhelmed by the feeling that I wasn’t part of that student world anymore. Partly in a good way - I felt like I’d matured a lot more than some of them - but I always felt a little bit lost when they were all up to general student stuff and suddenly I didn’t live in that city anymore so was at loose ends if everyone was busy and I didn’t have a home round the corner to go back to.

And I think that’s comparable to losing your talent, and suddenly realising you’ve been forcibly kicked out of this world that you used to love and that a load of your mates are still part of, but that doesn’t fit you in anymore. But you’re not a real adult either, so what are you?

Also, when you’re a student and you meet new people, just going “I’m a student” gives the general sense of what kind of stuff you’re up to, even if you’re post-grad, doctorate etc. But suddenly being a grad and then not even a fresh grad anymore, and maybe not being settled in a career path makes it so much more complicated to explain. You’re a real working adult, not a student, but you don’t feel like you fit in either worlds.

It’s really clever of Stroud to make that connection (on purpose or not) and provide a counterpart in a world where kids are employed instead of in school.

[confettiinred]

something about these audric and grim pieces make me feel so ?? at ease ?? I CAN’T FUCKING EXPLAIN IT BUT AUUFJDHFJGJFJ,,, I LITERALLY MADENTHE FIRST ONE MY WALLPAPER AS SOON AS I SAW IT AND IT’S SO . 😢😢😢 do NAWWTTT PERCEIVE ME!!!!!!!

[lauronk]

the absolute lack of awareness and consideration some people have continues to astound me. (personal life rant under the cut)

i live in an apartment complex with a neighbor across the breezeway who regularly plays music so loud i can make out THE WORDS in my own living room

and a downstairs neighbor with a sound system up against the wall so when they watch a movie it vibrates our floors despite us repeatedly going down to ask them to do something about it, be it adjust the bass or move the sound system or just simply turn it down a little (and every time they’re snippy with us about it)

and people who like to gather at the pool right across from our building and play loud music until past midnight ON WEEKNIGHTS

i’m all for people having fun in their homes and enjoying life and music and parties and whatever. but also it takes just a minute to consider that there are other people existing around you and be considerate of them

[lilnasxvevo]

I usually headcanon most non-canon ships I like as childfree partially out of contrarianism (I hate when people ASSUME two people will have kids just because they’re in love) and partially because I don’t want kids and this is my house and I am here mainly to project onto fictional characters

But lawlu? Ohhhh they’re having kids. They’re HAVING kids. Law might not know it yet but they WILL be having multiple children