#anyway ive actually been writing these blurbs a lot recently

[lorelune]

hey lore !!!!! I'm a big fan of your works <3 they honestly amaze me so much. i especially adore your world building it's just so ?? scrumptious ?! no seriously it's so good like i want to eat it up along with your characterization. i love how you enhance already existing world's as well as create new ones — not just world's but ways things work and intricacies within intricacies.. you provide such a clear idea that makes picturising it all so much easier and interesting

ive never written before other than some blurbs here and there on my notes app but recently hsr brainrot has been Hitting it lately and i've had way too many thoughts 💭 i was planning on maybe writing a fic.. but it requires insane amount of world building (and ik that's definitely not the right thing to start off on, as a new writer/for your first work but then again ig there is no right and wrong way to do it (?) it's more like my brain power might not support me and i’ll abandon it half way or something 🥲 haha) anyway i was wondering if you have any tips on how to worldbuild or build further on the existing ideas of certain organisations and all that sort.. there's just so many ideas haywiring and i would really love some advice if you don't mind. but no pressure !! sorry if this was too long,,

omg hello anon!! not too long at ALL hehe i'm gonna answer this below the cut hehe

first off THANK YOU 🥺!!! i appreciate your kind words so much <3 i really enjoy worldbuilding in my own writing and i'm very glad the ideas i bungle up translate well when actually in a story :'^) in my own little brainworld where i daydream, i tend to add details and layers to the original story that i do like... question if i can execute. so it is always nice to hear that they do in fact make it through 😭💓

as for advice!!

anon. so transparently. so REAL-y. if you have the brainworms for a story, even if its big and complicated and a lot to chew on it, just start!!! it is so intimidating truly but there is no better writing fuel than the muse of a story that has captured you. and!! if it does not end up finished, that is totally okay!! i have personally learned some of most valuable lessons writing while working on large pieces that ultimately ended up unfinished.

for more material advice:

when working on fic, i keep a lot of notes in a personal discord server. i have a wip channel and threads for certain fic ideas where i compile plot details, world details, fanart and inspo photos. it's super helpful!!!

one thing that helps me when i have big grand worlds in my head and i need to get them down and written is, instead of choosing to take a bite out of the whole world itself, i try to choose just a snippet or event and build around that. for example, in cicatrix, you get LOTS of lore abt calibrators and their relationship to the luofu, but plenty of what i had spinning around in my noggin didn't make it down. it wasn't relevant to the immediate story, event, or conflict, so it stayed unspoken. however, i think having really rich background going INTO writing these snippets of a larger universe helps fill things out and seem more like... lived in.

i will say. so indispensable. BETA READERS. the first few drafts of cicatrix where so ROUGH when it came to world building. i had the whole lore of calibrators and the luofu in my head, but getting it down clearly and in a way that made enough sense to an unknowing audience took a few read throughs and feedback by some lovely friends of mine. i highly recommend tracking down someone to read over your pieces and provide feedback on the things you're worried about!!!

and like... perhaps a little corny. but. believe in yourself. we are our own greatest critics, and the best attitude to cultivate toward the craft is that you can... do it. you just can. innately anon, regardless of experience, you can create the story and world you want to. bolstering a sense of confidence goes FAR esp if you end up writing a longer piece!!!

anon i got quite rambly asldkf. i hope this is in some way helpful!!! if you have any other questions, i am happy to answer!! i truly think writing immersive worlds is SO fun and engaging, and sometimes you just gotta. throw your hat in the ring. start the run and see where it takes you. i wish you such like and good tidings anon <3

[httpiastri]

JACKIE YOU GOT IT RIGHT OMG but now i’ve just been made really curious as to which part of that previous ask gave it away (was it the 2022 mention? that would kinda make sense, i think)

the synchronicities with pepe are all insane?? some of mine are just outright weird but like even your pokemons situation is so cool because it all makes me feel so 😵‍💫🌟💫 because i love knowing that everything and everyone is interwoven and connected yk? and about pepe being represented by a lotus flower… honestly pepe has surprised me sm since i first found out about him because sometimes he just ends up liking certain things i don’t expect him to all because he’s a driver and stuff like if he ended up being secretly spiritual with little good luck rituals or whatever i wouldn’t be surprised anymore and i LOVE that about him (i also love him)

and AAAAAAA omg the pepe shaving blurb had me feeling so 😊😊 too like the details in it are so essential to the plot and it effectively launched me even deeper into the pepe obsession because how could you just casually write about hugging him from behind and not expect me to go absolutely insane

also there was a point of time where i had every pepe tag hidden for me from any social media platform because just his name or face would have me going so insane and my only way to tackle that was to hide him from myself so if that doesn’t say enough about me idk what will 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

and being able to call him dorky?? AAAAAAA my pepe happens to be a little cocky so idk if ill get to say that anytime soon but one day i will 🤞🤞

AND THE FACT THAT A PEPE EDITOR IS ON YOUR BLOG TOO?? IM SO 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 I LOVED THAT EDIT BECAUSE OF THE MUSIC CHOICE SINCE I HAD A HALSEY PHASE A FEW YEARS AGO so to the editor: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

p.s. i love getting your replies too!! it literally fuels me through the day and i’m so grateful that you’ve been so sweet and accepting of me while supporting my pepe obsession (and even contributing to it, to be fair)

- 🪷💗

okay this got way too long because i spiraled so im putting the little cut thing here :))) im so sorry

yay yay yay !!! pls lmk if you think im like outing you too much here if you wanna keep a secret profile bcs then ill delete some of this, but like it was kind of because of the 2022 part? but mostly bcs of the spirituality part!! because i remembered that when i posted a couple of pepe gifs months ago, i saw your reblog of them and thought like "oh! pepe fan!! i like this person already" and i started looking through your blog 🤭 and like omg i must say, about your like manifestation post…. im very good at doing or saying stuff like that just for fun but recently they've started to come true quite often?? like i manifested clem's win in zandvoort last year… i said "arvid and luke will be the first f3 winners" several days before the first f3 session…. me and a dear friend talked about how lando would get his first win like two days before miami…… idk i think it's time for me to manifest a pepe win 😭😭

and god yes yes i agree!! i actually have a crazy fact here that i wasn't gonna say but i think i've said it on this blog before anyway so… my actual first name (i have several first names, no not middle names…. my parents wanted to be "funny" but it's actually a pain in the ass a lot of the time) is lotus…….. i couldn't make this up 😭 my mom always said it was because of the flower but my dad said it was bcs of the car ofc because it was more sneaky than naming your daughter like mercedes or ferrari lmao. and so that you chose that emoji, which is so dear to me because ive grown up loving lotus flowers and having plastic flowers all over my room and just 😵‍💫🫨 and okay i had a huge ariana grande phase when i was younger and i used to love "baby i" so much that my parents got me a tshirt of it for my like 13th bday… and guess what song came on first when i pressed shuffle on ☄️ anons pepe playlist today? THAT SONG 🙃 and guess where i used to keep that shirt (i never wore it)?? on my bedroom wall, and guess what used to stick up from that tshirt?????? A PLASTIC LOTUS FLOWER. I COULD NOTTT BE MAKING THIS UP 😭 sadly ive moved out of that room but i will do my very best to look for an old pic as proof because this is actually a bit insane to me…..

but yes i would also not be surprised if he came on a pod some day or whatever and said that he is a little spiritual and like u said has a lot of like pre-race rituals and :(((( cute

i'm very glad to hear that you liked the shaving thoughts !!!! i may have posted some more…. esp important stuff in the tags of that one 🫠 but aaaAaAa!! im going insane too!!! just the thought of hugging him is so !!!!!!!! i think hugging him would be so so nice? i feel like he can be very firm with it because he's just too strong, but then there's always some little detail that's so soft and that just makes your knees go weak 🥺 like he whispers something sweet in your ear before pressing a quick kiss to your neck… or he pulls away from the hug but keeps his hands on your hips, holding your lower bodies close… and the way he looks into your eyes so intently when you tell him about how your day was, his smile never leaving his lips and- 😭 idkkkk and just the thought of hugging him when he's not wearing a shirt, like i feel like he would have naturally warm skin? so cuddling up to his back would be so cozy ??? your nose tickling the skin between his shoulder blades or your cheek resting on his bicep or something…….. 👉👈 (and omg resting on his bare chest in bed aaaaaaaaaaaa dont get me started)

bby you had the tag hidden?? please??? 🥲 understandable tho to keep sane and focused ig… bcs idk how to not think about him all day every day tbh, anytime i see him its just 🫠

YOUR PEPE IS COCKY?!?! HELPPP I WANT THAT TOO 😭😭 HOW? WHERE? WHO? AAAAAAAAA

shsjshjssj anons being fans of anons 🥺 idk if ive heard that song before but it fit so well with the two of them 🥺🥰 kisses to the editor 😚😚

waaaaahhh your asks fuel my days too 😭 when i woke up to this ask this morning i got so giddy hehehe and im always longing to hear more from you <3333 and god youve contributed sm to my obsession too aaaaaaa !!! so glad we get to share this (and with everyone else here too) 💗💗

[youngpettyqueen]

Hiya! If you're still doing that WIP ask game, could I please request "rumor has it" and "for the man who gives everything"? Thank you! ^_^

P.S. I LOVE your idea for a fic about Hawkeye and the still in PoA omg!!!

yo!! im totally still doing the WIP ask game its so much fun and I love any excuse to ramble about my writing- thanks so much for asking!

"rumour has it"

it's this post. ive been working on this one on and half ever since I made that post, actually. its been slowgoing due to a) and miles to go before i sleep b) writer's block and c) I keep making new WIPs because I have absolutely no self control whatsoever and if I dont write down every idea I have im gonna die

anyways onto writings cause I have quite a bit for this-

"“Mornin’, sir,” Radar greets, all pleasantries, though he’s wearing an additional anxious look over his usual nervous one, “I was wonderin’ if you maybe had a minute?” 

BJ offers him a warm smile. “For you, Radar, I’ve got at least two,” He tells him, “What can I do for you?” 

Radar manages a little smile of his own. “Oh, well, thanks,” He says, “It’s about a patient, actually. I’ve got one who could use your help. Think you got enough minutes for that?” He asks. 

BJ chuckles. Radar’s tone isn’t urgent, so it’s probably not anything serious. Probably one of his animals with another splinter, or a runny nose. “Sure, Radar,” He agrees, “Bring ‘em on in. Is it one of your pets again? I warn you, if I have to surprise-deliver another litter of guinea piglets, I’m gonna have to charge you.” He jokes. 

Radar’s expression goes nervous again. His eyes flick to outside the door- he still hasn’t stepped fully into post-OP, just sort of hovering half-inside. “Uh, not exactly,” He replies, “Y’see, it’s-“

“Not exactly?” BJ would recognize that offended tone anywhere. Sure enough, Hawkeye shoves his way inside not a second later, nearly bowling Radar right over seeing as he’s got his arm around the kid’s shoulders to lean on, “What’s that supposed to mean, not exactly? Just which one of your animals are you comparing me to?” He demands."

this one is all silliness! thats it thats all just a lot of silliness. Hawkeye's hurt (not seriously) and he won't tell anyone what happened, and BJ's determined to get to the bottom of it. the 4077 rumour mill does nothing but make his mission more difficult, as rumours escalate to ridiculous levels. which uh, all becomes really funny when you find out what happened. which is in the post itself

bonus because this bit makes me laugh-

"“Sir- sir, you’re gonna fall-“ Radar is saying, managing the impressive feat of staying upright as he keeps up with Hawkeye hounding in on him.

“Oh, no! No, no, no!” Hawkeye continues, undeterred, hobbling after Radar like he’s chasing him, “You opened this can of worms! Which of your animals are you comparing me to? It better not be-“"

because I love some Hawkeye and Radar clownery <3

"for the man who gives everything"

I do not have anything written down for this one besides plot notes to myself, but I do have the blurb!

"All the ways Klinger shows how much he loves everyone, and what they do to show him how much they love him.

Or, 6 times Klinger did something just to make someone else smile, and 1 time everyone got together to return the favour."

classic 5(ish) + 1, centring on Klinger because I love him. I recently got to Where There's a Will, There's a War in my rewatch and Hawkeye thinking of when Klinger got him the magazine made me wanna cry, and I realized I havent really written anything about Klinger despite how much I love him! so, the idea for this came to mind

this will be a longer oneshot (like rumour has it) where Klinger goes out of his way to do something nice for another main cast member, all from the POV of others, and then it will be how everybody repays him from his POV. because Klinger deserves the world and im gonna give it to him

again, thanks so much for the ask!

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi! Congrats on 900!! May I have a romantic grishaverse match up please? I go by she/her and am bi with no preference, so any gender is fine.

I’m about 5’5, dark blue eyes, medium length hair thats kinda too dark to be dirty blonde but not so dark that its light brown with slightly lighter blonde highlights throughout. Ive been told I typically wear what would be considered 90s type of style but leaning away from more feminine things tho I’m not opposed to dresses and all. 

I do get pretty anxious when thrown in certain situations rather that be talking to a group of people or just one person. But on occasion and definitely when I get to know someone I never stop talking. I am a ranter and rambler which means I could be ranting about something that happened and then start talking about something else that may or may not be related to the original subject. Basically I will always find something to talk about though I do enjoy listening to other people talk. I am considered the mom friend because I tend to be the most logical. Im also a very determined, stubborn person who usually is kinda pessimistic but still has a huge imagination. And despite all the anxiety I am usually a relatively confident person and am not afraid to take up for anyone I care about. Also I am pretty good in school despite having a kinda bad memory. Also an INTJ, Sagittarius, and Ravenclaw. 

I absolutely love writing and have for the longest time rather that be random original stories I make up or the various fanfics I have(lol). I also love drawing and painting and recently realized I’m actually pretty good at making art related to animals and the occasional landscape. I’ve also been a big music fan since I was a kid, I honestly dont know what I would do without it. I also really enjoy reading when I get the chance, like I could spend hours getting consumed by whatever I’m reading. Which also travels into me when I’m watching things. As in I spend a good bit of time just binge watching new or old shows. I also really like walking around and enjoying nature. Theres a few nature trails I love going on and would go to the zoo every weekend if I had the chance. Which also goes along to my love for animals. Also I do like going to random places with my friends. 

And thats about all I can think of to say, hope it wasnt too much lol. But anyways, thanks in advance :)

hi!

thanks for participating :)

since you have no gender preference, i’ll tell you which of both the girls and the boys i ship you with, and then do the full detail and blurb with who i think you’re a better fit for.

i ship you with jesper and genya!

but i’m gonna go with genya for this, hope that’s alright :)

id consider genya to be a pretty hyperfeminine person. she really values her looks, and cares a lot about aesthetics. however, she’s definitely the type of person to care way more about personality and intellect than appearances. that’s not to say she wouldn’t be attracted to you, because she would be. but she’d just appreciate that you looked at her as more than a pretty face, and you cared about her enough to get to know her on a deeper level. she’d think you were so smart, and she’d feel lucky that she found someone who truly understand her beyond superficial things.

genya is a very confident person. she’s very dignified, and can easily carry a conversation. she’d have no trouble talking to you, and would consider it a personal challenge getting you to open up to her. she’d love watching you get excited about the things your interested in, showing her a side of you she didn’t often get to see. she didn’t care about what you two talked about, she just liked listening to you talk. in group situations, she’d take the lead. she’d make sure to keep an eye on you, never letting you be uncomfortable.

i think, despite what other people might think about genya, she’d have a lot in common with you. she’d have a natural talent at drawing, and she’d have a few books that she really really loved. she’d appreciate poetry as well. when you got into writing, she’d be so supportive. she’d love listening to any of your new work, and she’d give you ideas. i think she’s secretly a fantasy reader, fond of the idea of escaping into another world. you’d take her on walks into the forest nearby, taking afternoons to yourself. you’d both really enjoy the peace and quiet, and it would be a big refresher for her.

genya is also a very logical person, she definitely takes on tasks in the way a mother would. she’s also incredibly stubborn, and would win just about every argument or debate you two ever had, and you’d be content to let her win. after the darkling attacked her, people would begin to talk about her, and call her ruined. it would be the only time you’d ever see self conscious, and it would break your heart. you’d do all that you could to reassure her and make her feel beautiful, and tell anyone who made fun of her to piss off, or there’d be consequences. otherwise, you’d have to get the king involved, and nikolai would be more than happy to step in and help you.

she’d put on a front, but you could tell when things were getting to her. rather than bombard her with questions, you’d let her open up to you at her own pace. she always would, it just would take a little time. taking her into the forest would make it go a little faster because she’d feel more relaxed and at peace with you.

you’d try and get her mind off of whatever was bothering her, especially if it was because someone said something about her scars.

“look,” you’d smile, holding her hand. “there’s a caterpillar on this tree! he’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

she’d smile softly, watching it inch up the trunk. she’d stay quiet, making you frown. you’d sigh, squeezing her hand.

“do you know what metamorphosis is?” you’d ask.

she’d shake her head.

“it’s the process of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. it goes in one way, and comes out looking entirely different. metamorphosis means transformation, or change in shape.”

she’d look at it solemnly, watching it climb. “it doesn’t know it’s going to look different soon. don’t you think it’ll miss how it was before?”

you’d frown at her words. she may have been looking at the butterfly, but you knew she was referring to herself. she was missing her beauty, at least in the way she considered herself to be beautiful. to you, she was still the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. even more so, especially since she was strong enough to keep going even after all that had happened to her.

you’d turn to her, cupping her face in your palms. she’d flinch ever so slightly, but you’d gently calm her, running your thumbs along her cheekbones.

“i don’t know what he’ll feel, darling. yes, he’ll look different. but that doesn’t mean he isn’t beautiful…he just looks different. but he’s still the same on the inside, isn’t he? just with a new form. he hasn’t changed, not really. he just looks a little different. but beautiful both ways. don’t you agree?”

she’d lean into your touch, giving you a soft smile. you’d pull her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“you look beautiful today, by the way. just in case i haven’t told you that yet.”

she’d grin, clutching you tightly to her. “so do you, darling. so do you.”

—

hi again! hope you enjoyed this :)

[sheepisreading]

Books I finished in Febuary 2023

The first three I grabbed at the same time at the boostore because I was bored and needed cheering up!

Naked, David Sedaris, 1997

This is an essay collection! I’d previously read Calypso by the same author and loved it. It’s a fun read, not hard to read or get into and doesn’t require too much concentration to read while still being very entertaining. I chose it as my next book for that reason, because I’ve been pretty fucking stressed recently and thought I could read it without spiralling. It worked! I loved it, it was funny and earnest, recounting amusing anecdotes and real learning moments. I love these kinds of essay collections heartfelt but self aware and comedic.

(Also, because I’ll probably never review it since I read it like six years ago: in the same vein I can only recommend Watsky’s essay collection “How to ruin everything”, probably even more than Naked! It’s I think less emotional or about emotions but I honestly loved it, it made me very happy, Watsky is awesome.)

Assembly, Natasha Brown, 2020

Fully picked this one up in the bookshop because the cover is pretty but after reading the blurb I immediately bought it. It’s fiction but clearly inspired by the authors life. The main character muses on her life so far and the decisions she’s made. It says clearly some shit that’s obvious but for some reason still an issue! The author clearly writes about the differences in class and upbringing between rich old money white people (her colleages) and hardworking new money black people (her). It’s about stuff we take for granted and casual racism. Very good ! It packs a punch in only a hundred pages.

Bluets, Maggie Nelson, 2009

Maggie Nelson writes “propositions” meaning short prose-poetry rambling-things about blue. I’m very into blue and gave a school presentation two years ago on the history of blue in art inspired by the vsauce video about it (which is amazing by the way, I rewatch it often), so I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. It’s good! Maggie Nelson writes beautifully about artists who have used the colour in the past (which is good inspiration) and her own relationship with blue, as well as with two people she cares about at the moment of writing. Her writing is absolutely beautiful! There is a lot of mention of romantic and physical longing which I cannot relate to, but that’s an issue I run into often and her way of discussing it remains interesting. It’s a beautiful book and its atmosphere stays with you.

The Nice House on the Lake vol. 1, James Tynion IV, 2021

Okay apparently the author is well known but I’ve never heard of him as I don’t really read comics and read like one graphic novel a year. As I understand it what I read (volume 1) spans the first six issues of the comic (out of 12). I grabbed it while browsing and loved the colours and was intrigued by the premise (having watched and thoroughly enjoyed Glass Onion not long before, I kinda thought it was a hardcore version of that, turns out: way more sci-fi shit in Nice House). I got home after my first day of internship, spent an hour doing jack shit and then picked this book up and read the whole thing straight. It’s amazing, there are fleshed out characters (some of them are queer yay), suspense, tension, emotion, it’s just really good! I will warn for like apocalypse, discussions of suicide and body horror though if that’s a thing you can’t go near! But if you can and are into weird sci-fi horror I recommend it! (I actually kind of like Walter I have to say, he just loves his friends !)

Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse, 1927

!!! My mum is a big Hermann Hesse fan and always advocated for me reading one of his books. I happened upon this one at the used book market and immediately bought it because I noticed someone had anotated parts of it which. Yeah. Anyways, a bit of a slow start with the introduction written from an outside perspective from the narrator of the remainder of the book but absolutely hang in there! It's absolutely amazing; reflections on selfhood and the way we choose to live or not live our lives, connections with others, finding joy and excitement. It really did exceed my expectations. I thought there would be too much romance talk for my taste but it's so beautifully written that it's not an issue at all. It left a mark on me, that's for sure, it's a really powerful book.

[hypmicdaydreams]

“ how does it feel knowing that you're the prettiest boy alive? ”

kuko

"huhh?" he gives a confused sort of look, one that could very well be confused with annoyance if you didn't know him any better. prettiest boy alive? what the hell?? and why were you standing there with such a bright smile on your face? and gosh, why the everloving fuck were his cheeks so warm, his heart beating so rapidly out of his chest?? when the fuck did it get so hot? "what are ya talkin' about?" his tone rash yet a tad high pitched, clearly flustered by your own words. geez, he was never gonna get over this.

hitoya

"are you serious?" he sighs, pondering on whether it was much too early in the day for your shanenigans to begin. man, it was only ten or so in the morning, not late enough for his troubles to start. "babe, there are two things i hate: migraines in the morning and answering questions you already know." well damn, he got you good didn't he, only able to stand bewildered at the unexpected turn of events as he smirks from behind his desk. that confidence boost you just gave him was indeed much needed. (more like sexiest man am i right, wheeze)

sasara

"well, i dunno," he beams, as if he was waiting for this exact opportunity all day, "how is the prettiest person doing today?" he shoots you a grin and a wink, the beating of your own heart accelerating at the sudden turn of events. goddamnit sasara, first a comedian, and now an all natural flirt? what didn't you have?? (oh that's right, being an actual flirt). the tips of his ears were surely a tinge pink, his own heart rate a tad too fast from your comment as sasara is internally flustered by you. gosh, it was a great thing that he was such a quick thinker.

rosho

"huh, eh?!" his natural instinct is to, of course, go a bright red and stutter, though his second instinct was to frown and tell you off. "s-stay focused, y/n!" he berates, giving you a light slap on your head, very much like a he would with sasara. geez, you should be focusing on your work right now, not muttering such utter nonsense. but damn if your words didn't send a cupid arrow straight to his heart, face fully flushed and hands trembling just a bit. how could his heart feel so full to bursting? his face hotter than out in the sun?? gah, you had to stop saying such things; it was much too dangerous for his heart.

rei

"well sweetheart," he chuckles, so low and sultry than your heart can't help but skip a beat and you curse yourself for already being so flustered when you were supposedly trying to do so to him, not the other way around. plus, that damned pet name was just too fucking much, in the best way. "if you'd like to know, it feels just fine," he winks, a rather cocky smirk on his handsome features and visibly unfazed. geez, there went your attempt at trying to fluster him, for the umpteenth time might i add. he really was much too difficult to probe a reaction out of.

[heliosynchronisity]

10 song meme

Tagged by @uncannychelle​! rules: list 10 songs that you really like, each by a different artist, and tag 10 people. 

Yo a meme to talk about one of my favourite topics? my god awful taste in music? fuck yeah B^) lemme think...

normal music:

Monsters - All Time Low (ft Blackbear)

(pop - pop punk?) I’ve had this song on loop for the past couple of days bc I found it on a playlist of mine and i have NO idea where i heard it lol help me. but like most of these songs its reminds me of my OCs* so... 10/10 (* specifically fallen aes AU ofc)

Ginnungagap  - SOWULO

(folk - celtic) I’ve been blasting this album while i work and sleep, its so good and peaceful. And again, reminds me of my ocs lol, well at least their worldbuild~

ALIENS! - Autumn Kings

(hardcore) Spooky emo song about aliens. reminds me of x-files <3 <3 <3

Kick Me- Sleeping With Sirens

(hardcore) I’ve been blasting a lot of 2010s emo this year, sue me.

Organismo - Atimos

(folktronica) Found this on a samaya mix, another guilty pleasure genre of mine. This song slaps particularly hard and the bass makes me wanna do drugs :)

It's All About Six Days War- Oceanvs Orientalis

(???) Actually one more before I move onto my shitty metal. Since we’re on the topic of Samaya, this is another song i found thru them and its very diffferent but its so surreal and i love it but also i cant seem to find it on spotify and its KILLING ME

shitty metal:

Unchain My Soul - Dark Funeral

(black metal) Just been thinking about this album a lot lately... Also saw these guys live a few years back so they have a special place in my heart.

Are You Dead Yet? - Children of Bodo

(melodic death) Not rly much to say, just p solid. Honestly my only real thought I have when i think about COB is this one time i bonded and took a selfie with this random drunk french canadian after an alestorm concert, since she she mentioned them and i was like ya i know that one. apparently they are also french canadian...

Anubis - Septicflesh (symphonic death) man i listen to more death metal that i thought lol, anyway this one has been on my ‘black metal’ playlist (now renamed lol) for a while but ive recently discovered it and its now one of my favs. I should listen to more septicflesh.

Celestial Violence  - Ihsahn (progressive black metal) cant talk about metal without talking about Ihsahn. Love this man. This one is one of my favs! Great for an into into heavier types of metal, p chill! Hey Nix! you didnt have to write blurbs for each one! No, I didnt, but if you know me you know i cant talk about my favourite songs without discussing every single reason why (: and i tag anyone whos like me and has a primal need to talk about music lol. go bananas.

[calpops]

don’t apologize for the spiel - i agree with everything you said!! i’ve only recently gotten into actually posting my writing and while i have a chaptered fic i’m working on, ive really hesitant to post it bc of the way that people engage with content in recent history! i started reading fic like a decade ago and have always been drawn to the chaptered stuff but i know that’s not the case for a lot of people and that’s tough on authors. 😔

I wish you the best of luck with writing and posting! It’s very exciting when first starting out, I hope it’s been going well so far 💛

I’ve been writing fics for well—a really long time—and I’ve seen the shift from a writers perspective. I think a lot of it has to do with the platform. Tumblr is very immediate in a sense. It’s constantly being updated with content. There’s fics and blurbs and imagines and head cannons and they’re all wonderful but...That can unfortunately amount to people losing interest in a particular thing because it’s so easily replaced. And I get it, I’m not blaming anyone for losing interest or possibly even just forgetting (as I myself take quite a while to update at times) but it really is not the best of times being on the receiving end of that lack of or forgotten interest. It honestly kinda sucks and makes you (or at least me) question if it’s worth it. I don’t blame you for being apprehensive about posting your first chaptered piece; but I encourage you to do it anyway. I’m not lying when I say even one person who takes and keeps an interest in it will help make it worth posting. I have a few people that I immediately think of when I feel like giving up on veiled valor and I try to remember numbers aren’t everything. Yeah, it bites when they plummet. But there’s always a few that make it feel better 💛

[ask-art-student-prussia]

You’re one of the only Hetalia art blogs still active that I absolutely love! Do you know any more of them?

Actually!!! I spent the past week sitting on this question, but im finally able to compile (most of) i have a bad memory and theres just so many, you see) the hetalia artists ive admired. ill write up a little blurb on each so you can know what to expect

warning, this is super long

I’m going to list my fav Prussia focused artists first:

@theknoflook is SO SO SO good at capturing the worn/rough-round-the-edges Prussia and they’re 100% the BEST at drawing the aged feel of him. They draw a lot of characters with human imperfections, it’s just such a RAW emotion I feel from each drawing.

@maplevogel I’ve admired since I was like,,, 13. You have no idea how much I want to be able to draw like them. Their watercolour illustrations are KICKASS!! They have such a sense of mystical-ness to each piece, everything is so unreal in what they draw it gives me such a sense of calm-ness. Constantly they’re using watercolour to it’s full extent, im EXTREMELY floored and always have been.

@mieudiary is another person ive admired since i was a absolute baby. Their art teeters on anime-realism and their use of lighting, shading and blending is SOOOO GOOD. They’re able to make their characters so real yet overly gorgeous lol. They’ve got the best damn detail in form/muscles (flesh) ive ever seen.

@kisamesfacioplegia is LITERALLY DRAWING RENAISSANCE PAINTINGS OKAY. Their art is always refined and carries the same aura as those huge paintings you find in museums, with extremely good storytelling and illustrations. Best historical prussia and germany on this site imo.

@carnagekiid (i dont know if they do aph anymore but their recent work is JUST AS GOOD) has the cutest modern interpretation of gil and is my fav. i personally am not a fan of like,,, the “ideal” canon prussia, and the way they draw emotion/use of colours (for all their work) with prussia has that like,,, UMMF of character, yknow what i mean??? they focus on ruspru i think but idk lol

Okay those are just the best prussia’s ive seen, heres some more general hetalia artists that focus on other characters

@payadraws is quite possibly my FAVOURITE HETALIA ARTIST???? IF NOT AT LEAST IN THE TOP 3 BC THEIR STUFF IS SO GOOD AND STYLIZED PERFECTLY. their linework is stunning, and colouring has that tone over all of it that harmonizes the whole piece. The way their utilize their style in everything is PERFECt, idk how to use words for it, just take a look. Their austria/switzerland is deadass on-the-money.

@tomato-bird Literally how does one even manage to do this. theyre professional and it fucking SHOWS. Each composition, each stroke of their pen, it shows dude. Their art has like,,, the emotions, the feeling, is really well executed and they have so much attention to detail it blows my fucking mind. like ,,, this gives of hard renaissance level mastery vibes

@paperdrawsshit is SO GOOD at using that like,,,, the form/silhouette of characters. like,, the shapes they use, the flow of each pose, the hands, ALL OF IT SCREAMS PERFECTION. Each drawing has such flow and structure at the same time, and each character has such a pretty fashion sense. Excellent use of lighting and i strive to be as good as them in drawing people

@jackce THIS ARTIST HAS LIKE.,, SUCH A CLEAN CUT ART STYLE ITS GORGEOUS. Each drawing has the smoothest lines and the characters have distinct features. Their prussia, italy and germany styles stand out so much because of the way they draw the noses, jaw, features etc. Like they look like screenshots out of a professional 2d animated feature. Seriously.

@starstray (not sure if they draw hetalia anymore but i need to tell yall about them anyway) has such gorgeous like,,, composition. like if you dug through a collection of paintings from the renaissance you’ll find a few of theirs scattered in their. The use of like,,, linework paired with the way they colour is so perfectly executed. its so balanced im shaking

@amazing-prussia has the cutest, quirkiest style with what they draw. the hair/clothes are so stylized and fluid and i love them so much!! Each drawing looks so quick and perfected, every time I see one of their pruaus doodles i fucking DIE.

@glass-soda has such gorgeous illustrative style. It’s so unique and the way they colour and draw people have this wonderful POP to it. The colours are so balanced and bright, its so SO!!!!!! LOVELY. LIKE,, IDK HOW TO KEEP FROM RAMBLING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM JUST LOOK.

@ask-risorgimento-italy (ack, dont know their main sorry) Their illustrations are so well done, you can see the thought and practice in each character!! and i love the “realistic” feel to it. I say that about characters who dont have like,,, idk “anime hair”?? but not only the hair, the clothes, the form, the ENVIRONMENT. THIS ARTIST KICKS ASS WITH THEIR ENVIRONMENT BUILDING. LOTS OF DEPTH. ABSOLUTE LEGEND.

@hetapolis !!!!! THEIR ART IS SO CLEAN AND SKETCHY AND BEAUTIFUL. OKAY. Shading/colouring is GORGEOUS. and the way they draw each character to be distinct and have unique features ITS SUPER PROFESH AND LOOKS AMAZIGN!! I admire their style so much yall got no idea

@thedisappointedidealist12 has REALLY GOOD LINEWORK/STORYTELLING. LIKE WOW. Every time i see something theyve drawn im shaking bc the pacing and execution is AMAZING. Everything about the way their art looks is super balanced and you can see the exact emotion each character is expressing.

@captainjellyroll OKAY. THIS PERSON. LEMME TELL U BOUT THIS. FIRST OF ALL. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV ANIMATORS. THEYVE BEEN MY IDOL SINCE I WAS 11. Their work has so much energy, colour, and you can see the thought in each composition. I love them so much,,, each drawing has its own burst of energy!!! i want to be able to be like them when im older and live with like 5 cats.

@tea-artblog (they dont draw hetalia much anymore but their recent art is 100% worth looking at) OKAY. YALL. This is one of the people who’s art i looked at constantly when i first joined!! Their art is so like,,,, balanced and has just enough contrast and the colours???? EVERYTHING WORKS SO WELL. The eyes/expressions are SUPER CUTE.

@sully-s ANOTHER ARTIST WHOS STYLE IS ONE OF MY FAVS. It’s super fluid and the colours are perfect!! Each character has their own uniqueness I cant express my love of how perfect their lighting/colouring is. Their illustrations are straight out of a movie art book, its so GORGEOUS. and the environment REALLY has depth!!

@ask-victorian-austrian (dont know their main ack sorry!!), THE LINEWORK IS SO DETAILED AND CLEAN. I love the way they draw clothes/fashion, its all so detailed and gorgeous and you can feel the weight of the cloth and the lace and everything okay???? Seriously I love all their blogs, they have a bunch, and you should check out all of them!

@amoxesyoew HAS SUCH CUTE DRAWINGS!! The style in their characters’ hair is so flowy and the way they draw faces and eyes have this adorable quality to it!! the pureness of the emotions they draw are really prominent and i constantly just DIE because of it! I love love LOVE the gercan they draw too

@arschbiene THE WAY THEY DRAW FACES??? SPOT ON. The colours are SO spot on and i love the POP they give. The shading?/? SPECTACULAR. And each doodle is super cute and like,,,, when people say each drawing has a story behind it?? I FEEL THAT WITH THEIR ART OKAY. HIGHKEY.

@ekinoksin ???? HELLO??? THIS RENAISSANCE VAN GOGH MICHAELANGELO MASTERMIND OF AN ARTIST IS LIKE THE SAME AGE AS ME>????? I just foudn that out. BUT the way their art has so much depth!!!! THE BACKGROUNDS??? THE ENVIRONMENT?? ITs ALL EXTREMELY WELL DONE. And they have this texture to their art that makes it look just like historical paintings its so good!!! Im SHOOK.

@alfredtalia WORM. THeir characters all have structure and expression and everything about it has such like!!! UMFF. The way they draw certain things,, theres minor details!! and you may not notice them!! but they ADD SO MUCH!! Everything feels like it has attention to it, and it is so well balanced!!

@avlerie (again, not sure if they still draw hetalia but their art is really pretty) the way they add texture/detail to their art is SPECTACULAR. The hair???? the bodies??? It seems so structured and well drawn!! THE EYES THO. THE WAY THEY DRAW EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT GET ENOUGH

@elhuesoardiente DUDE IDK HOW THEY COLOUR/DO THEIR SHADING. BUT ITS SO UNIQUE AND GIVES THEIR ART THIS EXTRA LAYER OF DEPTH. The art is so gorgeous with the way they do their lighting, and everything about it has balance and harmony im just shook

@ask-2p-uk no idea how someone can even pull off art like they do. the lines/colours ARE REALLY WELL INCORPORATED to EACH DRAWING. The way they draw expressions?? is so unique??? like i love the hair too, it has this flowy-ness to it!! EVERYTHING about their style is so colourful and pretty and unique i just ghhghghg dont know how to explain it, just LOOK AT IT.

@lucerna-lunam the way their shading is,,, the “mystical”-ness of their art??? ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. IDK How they manage to draw stuff with such like,,,, sparkle to it. But their lighting is really well done, the EYES are so gorgeous! even the way each drawing is textured!! It comes together so perfectly!!

@suckmyicelandick THE WAY THEIR HAIR IS DRAWN??? SUPER SHINY AND GORGEOUS. I love the way their draw their characters, the hands/face/hair is so stylized the second you see their art you just KNOW its drawn by them. The eyes are super detailed and its so pretty im just sobbing i love their style

@aph-lithuania OKAY one of the first hetalia artists ive ever seen when i was new. THEIR ART IS SUPER PRETTY. The colours are really smooth and THE WAY???THEY DRAW BODIES?? THE FIGURES ARE SO WELL PROPORTIONED????!!! Everything about it is so cute!!!

@ask-mr-luxembourg BRUH??? HELLO?? COLOURING, LINEWORK, PROPORTIONS, EVERYTHING IS 10/10. Seriously they way they draw hair has such texture, and the way the bodies are drawn are so good. everything about them!! and the eyes?? DEADASS KILLED ME. Their art has seriously so much detail and i just DIE every time

@ellmovy HOW DOES ONE EVEN MANAGE TO DRAW CHARACTERS AS WELL AS THEM?? Each character has distinct features and like,,, the hair is always stylized and it looks SO GOOD????!!! The amount of detail they put into drawing small things like eyebrows and freckles add so much to the overall piece like WOW

@haeko9page THIS ARTIST. HAS THE CUTEST ART EVER. Their comic strips are seriously so adorable and has really good pacing! Each time they draw comic strips, the frames are so varied and it comes together SUPER WELL. Idk how to explain this, but like,,, the “camera angles” and the way they draw expressions/character interactions go together like peanut butter and jelly!

@kyotemeru-arts (they dont draw hetalia much but i love their art so much) dude the flow?? of the poses their characters have?? the flow of the characters themselves?? SUPER WELL DONE LIKE WOW. Also the way they shade and highlight things  ?? like using more than one colour?? THAT REALLY MAKES THEIR ART POP. I LOVE THE WAY THEY CAN PERFECTLY DRAW FLUIDITY IN THEIR ART.

@frukmerunning GOLLY GEE DO I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY BOUT THEM. Just the way they draw faces, eyes and like,,,, bodies in general,, ITS ALL SO PERFECTLY BALANCED. The way they manage to make sketches look incredibly refined and capture the movement in each drawing???? LIKE IVE ADMIRED THEIR ART FOR SUCH A LONG TIME ITS BEEN 300 YEARS

@miss-ostrich-art BRUH how does one manage to draw ???? like them??? the way their characters’ forms and muscles can be seen but like not overly detailed??? they have the PERFECT amount of detail in each drawing, and the expressions!! the way they draw noses and facial structure and *italian hand gesture* PERFECT.

@maryluis THEIR EXPRESSIONS ARE SUPER DYNAMIC!!! AND THE POSES HAVE SUCH FLOW. Also did i mention the amount of detail they put into minor things?? like WOW. Seriously i think out of this list i like the way they draw expressions the best. Also this might be a weird thing to focus on, but the way theyre able to draw the interior/background/angles of things are INCREDIBLE.

@cioccolatodorima YOOOOOOO THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST ARTIST I SAW WHEN GETTING INTO THE FANDOM. ONE OF THEM AT LEAST. Their non-hetalia work is actually my fav and i want to do just what they do when im older! I love their illustrations, and their way of drawing characters/character design (ginjinka of mr.kitkat are my favs). The way their lighting looks, is SO pretty and the linework is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING. their art blog (not just hetalia) is @rainbow-taishi

@ask-badlydrawnseborga lemme tell yall about a thing. i love how funny their art is, and like,,,,, i know its “badly drawn seborga” but the way the hair flows and the proportions,, everything about it is SO nffhhklahjdj polished. LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BC THEYRE SUCH A MEMELORD BUT I GENUINELY HAVE SO MUCH LOVE FOR THEIR SKILLL

@sabrow3 NOT ONLY IS THEIR ILLUSTRATIONS SUPER CUTE, IT HAS GREAT PROPORTIONS AND DEPTH. I love their attention to detail in clothing and historical things, and like,, the line work is AMAZING. Seriously, I want to be able to draw as well as them, its incredible how the amount of work and effort is shown in each drawing.

@buruzaitama !! The way they draw characters has like,,, this level of realism and the way they do their lighting just pushes that to the next level. I don’t know how people can pull off drawing realism yet still make it so unique that i can instantly tell that a piece is drawn by them, but this artist IS SO GOOD AT THAT. LIKE WOW

@inkodoodles Okay their “1 hour drawing challenges”? IM FLOORED ANYONE CAN DRAW THAT IN ONE HOUR. The have such detail and flow and movement in each drawing! And the lighting they have is so soft and calming, it lends itself to each piece REALLY WELL. Whatever emotion each drawing is supposed to give is conveyed to a tee

@heyheyartman BRO the style??? is so fucking UNIQUE AND ICONIC?? And the way they manage to pace comics and storytell is sO GOOD. Like,,, the way they can use shapes for each of their characters is so refined and stylized i love it. Their use of colour seriously KICKS ASS and im floored every time i see their work.

@merasgar their art is so detailed!! and the backgrounds/environments are so soft and gorgeous to look at! I have like,,,, no idea how you can pull off such beautiful hair and eyes in each drawing!! They draw a lot of rochu and like,, the features look so PERFECT for the characters ghhghghg

@yosb ALRIGHT LISTEN UP THIS ARTIST SERIOUSLY HAS ONE OF MY FAV STYLES. It’s so refined and you can see the distinct features of each character. The style isnt realism but the characters FEEL REAL. They have such a perfect way of paying attention to details and putting in proportions/facial features to each character im so amazed and love their work so much

and of course i want to include @paachubelle though theyre working on their own project ( @the-otwya-project ) now, they’re one of my like,,,, friends that i made on this blog through hetalia ask blogs and i figured id like to include them on this list. Idk how people can draw in pencil with such detail and everything but they do it EXPERTLY. The line work is always so clean and the shading is always so well done!!

of course, im very clumsy and forgetful so i know i forgot some names but i cant remember things!! Either way, these are some of my all time favourite iconic hetalia (and non-hetalia) artists!! I want to be able to draw as well as them one day!

[wroteasongabouther]

Grumpy, Part IV (FINALE) - A Harry Styles Imagine

PAIRING: Harry/Y/N

RATING: PG

WORD COUNT: 12.5k

A/N: omg did i actually finish a series??? wow.. thanks to everyone for the love and notes on this series, it’s been a blast and has improved my writing a bit too. be sure to check out my masterlist for more of my writing too!

“You should leave,” you say in a low voice.

“You’re fucking joking,” Harry scoffs, shaking his head while breaking the heartbreaking gaze between you two. Then he meets your eyes again, scowling. “Fine, this was fucking stupid to think would work anyways,” Harry almost hisses out the words to you.

Another punch to the heart. And then it breaks when he turns around, slamming your door behind him. The room is silent following his departure. You’re zoned out on the door, thinking maybe he’ll walk back in, but he doesn’t. With your heart beating hard in your chest, you wet your lips as a tear falls down your face. Slowly moving to your sofa, you hug the small pillow and let yourself cry. But after this, you had to get yourself back together and be the person Jeff knew you to be. The person he seemed to need - not the one that had gone behind his back and fallen in love with Harry.

or

The one when Y/N and Harry’s emotions are all over the place and they’re unsure how things will end.

(Find previous parts here and future blurbs too!)

⏤

Harry followed you the whole way back to your apartment. You know because anytime you glance back in the rear view mirror through the blur of your teary eyes, you’d see his Range Rover right behind you. The fact he’s willing to put up such a fight causes another sob to break from you. The heart ache you’re feeling hurts so damn much. But when you pull up to your apartment, Harry still right behind you, you wipe away your tears and continue to give Harry the silent treatment. 

“Yeh really not gonna let me in?” Harry questions in a bitter voice as you unlock your door, he’s a few steps behind you. You turn around and look at him finally, his face softens at the sight of your watery eyes. 

You hated everything about this. How you open your door wider for him to step inside. Then how you turn back around after he shuts the door and you take in how he looks. He’s wearing a white tshirt, it’s kinda see-through but you love the way the black ink looks under the material. His hair is just as messy as it was this morning, and it makes you want to run your hands through it and kiss his puffy lips. As you look to his lips, Harry licks them while he narrows his eyes at you. There was so much to talk about and Harry really had no idea where to start. 

“Are you really going to just listen to Jeff and end this?” 

“I don’t know-”

“No, Y/N, that’s just fuckin’ ridiculous!” He shouts at you, and as if something snaps inside of you, you’re shouting back at him.

“You don’t understand Harry! When Jeff mentioned how I should know better, he wasn’t just meaning it by my better judgement, he means that I’ve personally had to deal with this before,” 

“You’ve seen someone on my team?” Harry questions, jealousy clear in his voice. 

You roll your eyes at him, “God no, not me, you! I’ve had to fire people when you got too close to them before. Remember last year, that lovely brunette who was working with Lambert and you decided to fuck around with her for a couple weeks? Then she just disappeared? Because I had to call her into the office, I made sure there was no personal photos or videos or anything on her phone or computer and threatened that we would’ve sued her if anything got online, and then I fired her all because she was seeing you,”

“Well, that’s jealousy to a whole other level,” Harry jokes after a short pause. You only roll your eyes at him again. 

“Missed the whole fucking point didn’t you?” 

“Quit being such a bitch to me, this is just stupid and you know it,” Harry glares. “You’re not like that girl, hell I don’t even remember her bloody name! I fucking like you, a lot, and if Jeff wants to pull this card then I can pull one right back at him and fire him-”

“Harry, that’s enough,” you cut off his ranting and sigh. “That’s the stupidest thing you could do, we both know it,”

“Well what’s fucking stupid is that Jeff is trying to tell me who I can’t fucking date now,” Harry grumbles. 

You bite your chapped lips and stare down at the carpet. This was exactly what you were dreading to happen the moment you stared to get feelings for Harry back in Sweden. Hugging yourself, you continue to zone out while remembering each little thing back at Jeff’s office. You needed this job. This job was good, it was never about getting close to Harry ever. It was about learning all you needed to know of the music business and growing from your small position. You needed to get out of whatever daze Harry had you in and think for a second. Think about yourself and your future. A future that was currently in Jeff’s hands. 

“He’s right though,” you say into the silence that’s taken over the room. 

“Don’t-”

“No, Harry, this was unprofessional of me and I wasn’t thinking right. I made the wrong decision,” 

Harry snorts, scowling at you hard now, “you weren’t thinking right? Funny,” 

“Stop, this is hard enough for me-”

“It doesn’t have to be hard! Find another job and stay with me, it’s easy!” Harry yells again. 

You flinch at his words and bite the inside of your cheek while looking into his eyes. Maybe these past two weeks were all a mistake. Maybe you weren’t thinking straight because of... you didn’t want to say it, but you had gone through something so incredibly terrible and then had started seeing Harry. A small sigh escapes your lips. This is all just too much, so many thoughts running through you head while Harry stood across the room it seeming like pure anger was running through his veins. 

“You should leave,” you say in a low voice. 

“You’re fucking joking,” Harry scoffs, shaking his head while breaking the heartbreaking gaze between you two. Then he meets your eyes again, scowling. “Fine, this was fucking stupid to think would work anyways,” Harry almost hisses out the words to you. 

Another punch to the heart. And then it breaks when he turns around, slamming your door behind him. The room is silent following his departure. You’re zoned out on the door, thinking maybe he’ll walk back in, but he doesn’t. With your heart beating hard in your chest, you wet your lips as a tear falls down your face. Slowly moving to your sofa, you hug the small pillow and let yourself cry. But after this, you had to get yourself back together and be the person Jeff knew you to be. The person he seemed to need - not the one that had gone behind his back and fallen in love with Harry. 

⏤

You wake up only an hour later to your phone ringing by your head, completely unaware of when you had fallen asleep. Groggily, you sit up and rub the sleep from your eyes to see who’s calling. It shouldn’t surprise you that it’s Jeff, probably wondering how everything had gone down with you and Harry after you had left his office. Your heart breaks a little while you replay this afternoon in your head. 

“Hey,” you sigh into the phone. 

“Hi,” Jeff says quietly on the other line. You don’t respond, because truthfully this was all his doing anyways. “How did he take it?” 

“Not well,” you answer bitterly. Jeff didn’t even care. He didn’t realize how much you two liked each other, how much this hurt the both of you. Jeff clears his throat and you hear some ruffling around in the background. 

“Look, Y/N, I don’t know what was happening there but I was thinking about you, okay?” Jeff says, “if media was to get ahold of those photos or if you two were to actually be together or whatever, it wouldn’t have looked good for your career. The media would paint you out to be a whore and no one would take you seriously in this industry,” 

“I, uh, I understand,” you say quietly. 

“Alright, um, so as long as things go back to the way they were before whatever happened between you two, then you’ll still have your job,” Jeff exclaims. 

Your stomach turns at his words, a threat from your boss wasn’t always the nicest. “Got it,” you mumble. 

“Good,” Jeff sighs, “so flights at 10 in the morning tomorrow, I was going to get you to pick up Harry but don’t worry about it. A day or two apart might be for the best,” he says. 

“Okay, flight details in a recent email?” 

“Yes, I’m sending it out after this call,” 

“Sounds good,” 

“Alright, uh, have a good night,” 

“You too,” you mumble before hanging up the phone and staring down at your screen afterwards. Maybe only a minute or two passes before there’s a notification on your phone that’s an email from Jeff. You unlock your phone and open it up, deciding to figure your flight out now rather than later. Speaking of, you should really start repacking your suitcase soon too. And maybe order in some food, you wanted a chocolate milkshake and a cheeseburger and napkins to wipe your tears away later too. 

You furrow your brows as you look through the flight information. There had to be a mistake, but there isn’t. It has your name on the top. The destination is for Perth, Australia. But you wouldn’t be sitting with Jeff or Harry, no you’d be by yourself in economy. By no means was this you being upset over the fact you’d be downgraded from first class, it was you being upset over the fact Jeff really wasn’t taking this whole situation lightly. 

After another quiet moment at staring at your phone, you decide to get up and start packing. A task would get your mind off everything. Then a shower, to stand there and think about how you were going to continue on the tour. Would you step back a bit? Would you avoid Harry and pretend nothing even happened over the past couple weeks? You sigh and wash out your soapy hair while your mind runs wild. Soon enough your in clean clothes, have everything of yours ready to go for tomorrow, and get into bed. 

⏤

You woke up late. And with being in such a rush, you forgot to get something to eat. Simply getting a cup of water and a snack on the flight to London. Then from London you’re getting on the jet. If it wasn’t for Clare, Adam and Helene, you’d probably be doubling up on Gravel in order to ignore the fact Harry sat so close by. As Helene talks about her time home, you find yourself staring where he sat. 

His shoulders hunched forwards as he blatantly ignores whatever Jeff, who’s sitting in front of him, has to say. Just then you see the flight attendant bring him a dark brown liquid with a cup half full of ice. Of course he’s drinking already. You find yourself swallowing a lump in your throat.

As the young woman walks away, Harry’s eyes follow after her. You can’t help it as your eyes stay trained on the scene before you. The way he turns his body just slightly in order to check her out. But then his eyes trail up and find yours. It only makes the feeling in the pit of your stomach worse - and then his eyebrows crease together and his eyes narrow, giving you a scowl before he turns back around to face Jeff. Truthfully, it feels like you could get up and go hunch over the toilet for a minute but then it passes. You had to get over this, you had to be better than this and to act professional and not let your feelings get in the way. It’s something you’d be reminding yourself of day to day from now on.

“Did you have a good break? Visit your mom I’m guessing?” Helene asks, catching your gaze, taking your mind away from the mess Harry made it. By the look on her face you guess your facial expression isn’t what she expects. 

“Yeah, uh, had lunch a few times together, she’s a busy woman,” you lie. Suppose one lunch with your mom wasn’t what everyone expected. And they sure as hell wouldn’t expect for you to spend the break in bed with Harry. 

“Is she doing alright?” 

“Yup, just as strong as I guessed she’d be,” you nod, taking a sip of water. 

“I can’t believe we’re going to Australia right now,” Clare pips up. 

You smile, “and soon we’ll be in Japan,” you mention. 

“Then it’ll be my turn to give Harry and the others some lessons,” she says. You nod your head, remembering the times last month that you had given Harry lessons in the languages you knew. How things are changed so much since then was really baffling to you honestly. But here you were, thinking about taking some gravel in order to survive the next 16 hours. There was no way you could do it, not even from just being so uncomfortable when flying but you’ve already checked on Harry four times since taking a seat - you needed to pass out and not think about him for a while. 

“I think I’m going to take some gravel and sleep,” you tell the girls sitting around you. They all nod while you dig through your bag and find what you’re looking for. 

The plane had grown quiet, the lights down low as the sun had set now. You ask for a glass of water from the flight attendant, hoping she hurries as you notice Jeff rolling his eyes at the other end of the plane. Then everyone can hear Harry’s harsh words. His voice sounding so angry, so annoyed, so bloody Grumpy. 

“Shut the hell up, let me fucking live,” he growls at Jeff. 

Clare and Helene share a look, then their eyes both fall back to you as you play with the few pills in your hand. You’re not sure what to do or what to say, so you just shrug your shoulders as your lips roll back into your mouth and you avoid their eyes. Thankfully the flight attendant comes back and you can’t swallow those pills fast enough. 

⏤

Harry’s been in a piss poor mood for days now. He can’t seem to help it, no matter who he talked to. Hell, he even snapped at Anne earlier this morning before he went downstairs in the hotel to work out. That flight from London to Perth was by far the longest of his life. It was like it was never going to end. He didn’t care when he snapped at Jeff so many times he couldn’t count them on his hands, and he didn’t care when he glared at Adam or at Mitch or even at Helene. He wanted out of the tin can in the air that he knew you were asleep in. 

He remembers getting up to use the washroom, after nearly an hour of holding it cause it didn’t want to even look at you. But then when he got up and saw you hunched up in your seat, a jumper thrown over you by one of the girls he assumed, he didn’t feel the rage like he thought he would. No, he felt his heart skip a damn beat as he took in your soft features. 

Harry had swallowed whatever lump had formed in his throat and looked away from your sleeping body to head to the washroom. In the small space by himself, he found himself standing there for a bit too long after he had done his business. All he could think about was how only days ago you were falling asleep in his arms. Then Jeff opens his big mouth and he ruined it all. Harry remembers everything you had said in your apartment afterwards. How each word hurt him so much he wanted to drink it all away. So he did. Then he next morning when Jeff had to unlock his front door and poor a glass of cold water on his face - well it’s been bad blood between them ever since. And everyone else too. 

Harry knew he should call back his mom and apologize for his shit behaviour. But he also knew his mom had probably caught on to whatever, cause she was that kind of mom, and he didn’t want to explain the heartbreak her son had gone through. So instead Harry pushed himself so hard at the gym he knew he’d be feeling it even later tonight during the show here in Perth.

But nothing hurt more than seeing your face. He knew you were avoiding him the best you could. He’s even sure that Jeff has taken away some responsibilities from you too - which was ridiculous, seeing as you had broken it off to work for him instead. Harry tries to keep his head down as he passes you and Helene, he’s sure you two had just woken up and had planned to get breakfast and coffee. But Helene has a better idea. 

“Hey, Harry,” she says with a smile. 

“Hey,” he grunts, looking up to meet her eyes. That’s when he turns to you and meets your eyes so close since you had ripped his heart to shreds. He notices how you swallow hard and blink fast a few times before inhaling deeply and looking away from his hard stare. Maybe he was scowling again, and maybe he didn’t care. You had to know how much you had hurt him. 

“Did you want to come for breakfast?” Helene asks. She must be surprised to see Harry awake so early. 

“Too sweaty, I’m just going to order somethin’ to my room and meet you guys later,” he explains.

“Okay,” Helene nods. Then one last time he tries to find your eyes, but you’re looking at your phone. He shakes his head a bit before jogging away from you and Helene and smacking his hand against the elevator button.  

All you can think about during breakfast with Helene is how hot Harry looked. How badly you wanted his glistening skin to hold you against the back of his hotel room as his lips are glued to yours. Moving down to your neck, your chest, your... You catch yourself daydreaming about Harry before Helene can snap you out of it. She’s yapping on about some new lens she got during the break that she can’t wait to use tonight. You just sit there and smile while bringing your coffee to your lips. You were going to need another cup to last through this first day back on tour.

You had three cups of coffee and had the caffeine jitters to prove so. Jeff was on Harry duty, thank god, which put you in charge of meeting the new opening act. Suppose it wasn’t horrible to meet them while all hyped up on coffee instead of down in the dumps while daydreaming about Harry again.

“Hi, my name’s Y/N, we were emailing a couple days ago,” you say with a smile as you shake hands with the new opening act for this leg of the tour.

“Isabella, and this is the guys,” she goes off to introduce the rest of the band before moving onto their crew as well. Everyone’s so sweet, you’re smiling and laughing at their banter and you and Isabella are throwing compliments at each other every two minutes you swear. Can’t help you wore your Gucci loafers and best pair of cropped blue jeans too.

Just as you think the day’s going to be a good one, you hear something crash from the room beside the one you’re in. Everyone furrows their brows at the sound which is followed by some shouting too. You let out a short sigh through your nose and shut your eyes.

“Isn’t Harry’s dressing room beside ours?” Isabella questions.

“Um, yeah,” you pause while trying to think up what to tell these poor people who aren’t used to Harry’s tantrums - even though the past couple days have been worse than ever before. “He’s just having a really bad day,” you lie. Well, maybe it’s not entirely a lie.

“Aww,” Isabella pouts.

You can see it in her eyes as you glance her way. She feels bad for Harry, she feels pity for the mega rockstar and probably wants to make him feel better. The mere thought of her walking into Harry’s dressing room and flirting her way to his bed makes your stomach feel ill. You uncross your legs now and stand from the chair you were relaxed in for the past while.

“I should probably get back to work, I’ll see you guys around,” you say with a tight smile before turning on your heels and walking out of the dressing room. Just as you start down the hallway, the door to Harry’s dressing room opens quickly. Your heart stops at the thought of running into Harry right now in whatever state it is that’s got him so upset.

Thankfully you meet the wide eyes of Jeff, “hey,” he says as you meet his gaze.

“How’s it going?” you ask, meaning in general but Jeff knows you want the details on whats going on with Harry.

He sighs and falls in step with you towards the backstage area again. The crew is working hard in the early hours of the afternoon, getting the stage all safe and sound before dress rehearsal started up. With a smaller venue some things were a bit different, plus there was the new opening act, so a full rehearsal was on todays schedule of course. Meaning you’d have to face Grumpy eventually.

“He’s just pissed, as he has been all day,” he explains with a shrug. You fight back your frown, knowing this was all your fault in the end. “I’ll uh need you to watch over rehearsals today, take charge and give everyone notes please, I have some meetings to do,”

“Gucci?” you question, trying to switch the topic instead of frowning again from the news of you literally being around Harry this afternoon all afternoon.

“Yes,” Jeff smiles, “it’s all going down soon,”

“That’s awesome,” you nod.

“And uh, as for Harry,” Jeff doesn’t finish his sentence but his eyes and facial expression speaks for him. You swallow the lump in your throat and nod at Jeff while licking your lips. All nervous ticks.

“Everything’s fine Jeff, nothing’s going on, I’m just here to work,” you exclaim, saying the few short statements that you’ve practiced in your head.

“Okay, good,” he nods, “just uh, don’t snap at him of he snaps at you,”

“I’ve got this Jeff, been dealing with it for years,”

“And you’re the best at it,” he states with a nod.

“Yup,” you sigh and give him a tight smile as you both walk through the floor seats to watch the crew finishing the set up before rehearsals were to start up. Soon enough the opening bands manager sits down beside you and the three of you chat before Jeff has to run off.

Everything goes well during the opening acts rehearsal, they’re really not that terrible of a band to be honest. You do give their manager a few notes, knowing the look the younger guy was going to give you before you even open your mouth. Can’t help that you’ve had more experience with the world’s biggest boyband for the past five years almost before jumping onto Harry’s team as well. Therefore you knew a thing or two more about stage presence and such for a newer band like the one he’s managing. 

“Hi Y/N,” Clare says into her mic as the band gets onto the stage. You’re standing just at the bottom on the stairs now, alone since the opening act and their manager had left you to go through Harry’s set. 

“Hi,” you smile.

“Are you the big boss today?” Adam asks, fixing the strap of his bass. 

“Sure am,” you nod. Then you glance around and don’t notice Harry anywhere to be seen. “Where’s Harry?” you question, getting ready to pull your phone from your back pocket in order to text him or maybe even Jeff if he wasn’t too busy. 

The band’s all quiet. They once acted like this before, back in Harry’s worst days last year. He would be snappy and scowl at them all when they made the slightest mistake. You weren’t entirely sure what his problem was back then, maybe it was because of how busy he was, but regardless is freaking sucked to deal with. You did know his problem this time around though. It was because of you. 

“Alright, well let’s just get started then,” you say while shaking your head and walking up the stairs. “Mitch, since it’s a bit smaller we have you set up on this side of Clare a bit more centre stage,” 

“I don’t know how I feel about that,” he says, causing you and everyone else to chuckle. 

Just as you’re checking up on the rest of the band and how they are feeling, Harry decides to grace you all with his presence. It’s so obvious, to literally anyone with two eyes, that he’s wasted. He drags his feet across the stage, hand gripping a red solo cup while his eyes are narrowed into slits. Not to mention how strong he smells of rum, you want to pout and apologize to him for making him feel like he needs to be all moody and drunk because of what happened in LA. But instead you take a deep breath and approach him. 

“You really think this is an appropriate time to get drunk?” you question him. 

“’Course it is,” he mutters, “but want tah know what isn’t appropriate. Oh wait, forgot it’s our little secret,” 

“Harry,” you hiss out his name, thankful he’s closer to the front of the stage - maybe none of the band heard him. “Just shut up and rehearse these couple songs, please,” you order him before walking off the stage and over to the sound crew by the ‘b-stage’. 

He’s scowling the entire time. While the rest of the band seems bothered, and for you it just sucks to see overall. Harry’s in such a bad mood, even worse than at the beginning of this tour before everything between you two happened, and it’s rubbing the band the wrong way. Harry barks at Adam for messing up. Mitch returns Harry’s glaring, sipping his own wine already too, while Sarah and Clare sit quietly. 

“Alright, can we just do a mic check in the inner ears and then you guys are free to go,” you say loudly so your voice carries across the arena. 

Each one of them say ‘check’ into their microphones a few times, you take note of how to fix them till everyone’s happy and then you dismiss them all. After a moment of talking with some crew members, you head backstage yourself to go to catering in order to finally eat something since breakfast early this morning. Hell, you might even need another coffee if Jeff was going to up your work load like this again. Just as you’re walking into catering you hear him shouting in that same harsh voice again. 

“I don’t really care what your boss said, I’m your bloody bosses boss so I suggest you fucking listen to what I’m saying to you and-” 

“Alright, enough,” you bark through clenched teeth while stepping up to where Harry - still with a red solo cup of dark liquid in his hand - stood fuming at a poor lady who’s working for the catering company. 

“Oh fuck off,” Harry mutters and rolls his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” you say to the worker, giving her a soft look before turning back to Harry and matching his scowl. There’s no doubt that you’ve embarrassed him. Thankfully he doesn’t put up anymore of a fight and walks out of the room entirely. You so badly want to stay and let him rain his terror somewhere else, but you decide to do your job and follow after him. 

At first he must not realize you’re really following him. But then as you take a few long strides to get in front of him, holding open the dressing room door for him to walk into, he obviously realizes you’re not going away. Doesn’t matter what he mutters under his breath or how hard his glares at you. You were stepping up like Jeff needed you to and were going to set him straight before the show was to get started tonight. 

“Get in the shower,” you order. 

“No,” Harry argues back. 

“Harry, seriously, stop it,” 

“Why should I?” 

“Because you’re acting so unprofessional right now,” you state, crossing your arms at your chest as you watch him take a seat on the sofa. 

“Oh, you’d know everything about that now wouldn’t you,” Harry strikes back after taking a long sip of his drink. 

You don’t have a response. He’s got you speechless honestly. So after another moment of staring into his eyes, you shake your head and run a hand through your hair. This wasn’t going to be easy. You should have known by what he had said in your apartment those few days ago after Jeff found out. Harry was angry at you and was lashing out, but really what else would you expect of him. 

“Look, Harry, I’m sorry but you need to quit acting like this complete asshole and work. Cause it doesn’t matter what happened, we’re on this tour to work,” you exclaim, unsure of how to word what you’re feeling exactly. Suppose that would have to do for now. 

Harry rubs him bottom lip between his fingers, watching as you drop your arms at both sides and looking defeated. “At least you got a few good heartbreak songs out of me,” he grumbles, his voice still angry and hurt. 

“Harry-” you try, but he holds up a hand and gets up from the sofa, heading away to where the showers were. 

As you hear the showers start up you find yourself zoned out on the carpet beneath your feet. You had broke his heart. It was the worst thing to think of, but it was the truth. You knew it. He knew it. Hell, you’re sure Jeff might’ve put two and two together by now. Taking a deep breath, you move around to get a towel and such ready for when Harry finished up. Then you find yourself sitting on the couch hovering over your parents house phone number. Maybe talking to your mom would help distract you. You ponder it for a second and realize you didn’t just want to hear your mom’s voice, you wanted to hear your dads. You wanted it to be him that told you everything was going to work out and be fine. But you’d never hear that again. 

The sounds of the water hitting the ground echoes through the room while you sit there with tears streaming down your face. It’s been a while since you’ve broken down about your dad. Suppose now’s as good a time as ever. You sniffle and bring a hand up to wipe your tears carefully - not wanting black makeup to smudge down your face. All of a sudden the door opens up and Jeff walks in, his eyes finding your own glossy ones and he gives you a somber look. 

“Hey, are you alright?” he asks, walking over to sit beside you. 

“Uh, yeah, I’ll be fine,” you mumble and sniffle some more. “Harry’s just drunk, he snapped I didn’t I promise,” 

“You got him in the shower to sober up I’m guessing?” Jeff asks and you nod your head. “Did he say something to make your cry, Y/N?” 

You shake your head this time and look up in order to keep the tears at bay. “It wasn’t really him. I just,” you pause and let out a deep breath, “I just miss my dad, a lot,” you say and let out a shaky breath afterwards. 

Harry figures that you must’ve not realize he was out of the shower. He stood with the towel around his torso, his head beginning to hurt now as the cold shower helped sober him up, hiding out of the dressing room still as you and Jeff talked. When you mention your dad, Harry’s chest aches. He wants to be the one hugging you while you mentioned missing your dad, not Jeff. Fuck Jeff - he’s the whole reason Harry’s feeling this way. Making you feel as though your career is over if you were to stay with Harry, it’s right messed up. Just as Harry thinks about walking out there and saying sorry, he hears something he probably shouldn’t have. 

“You’re sure you’re not like, upset about being here with Harry after everything?” Jeff asks you, being the proper ass he is. 

“Yes, I’m sure. It was stupid and unprofessional. I never really liked him I don’t think, just got a bit caught up in things,” you say. You know you’re lying to Jeff, to tell him what he wants to hear in order to quit asking you about it. But Harry doesn’t know and it has him fuming. 

“You mind meeting with the opening act before the show, giving them a wave off,” Jeff asks of you. And then with that you’re walking out of the dressing room and leaving Harry behind to scowl and curse at Jeff as his feelings have been hurt all over again.

⏤

“Harry wake up!” You shout through the hotel room door. 

The room key in your hands shakes, well it’s your hands that are shaking. You don’t want to use the card and open up the door and see Harry in bed with some random girl. It’s now been a week since the break up, and Harry hasn’t fixed his attitude even a little. Biting on your bottom lip, you pound on the door once more and rest your hip on the frame in hopes he’ll get up and answer this time. But after a pause, another angry text from Jeff, and no response from Harry - you slowly slide the card through till the light turns green.

One deep breath to try and prepare yourself, and you already feel ill from the sight of liquor bottles along the floor. Jeff’s going to love knowing his hotel bill was about to go up. You sigh and step around to get to where the bed was. God must be on your side, cause he’s laying there on his tummy alone. You stare, deep in thought, and watch as he sleeps there.

He could’ve still had someone over. They could have been one of the smart ones that left before Harry woke, knowing they weren’t anything more than an one night stand. Your stomach turns at the thought. Regardless of everything, did not mean you just suddenly didn’t have any feelings left for Harry. You always would, and maybe that would affect your days of work throughout the future but you hoped it didn’t most days.

“Harry,” you call out his name loudly.

You see his eyes squint before he’s rolling around. Of course the blanket doesn’t stay around his hips. The sight before you only further your thoughts of him having a guest over last night. You look away and shake your head.

“Harry get up! Now!” You shout, a shot of anger had filled your veins.

“Jesus fuck woman, quit yellin’” he grumbles. His voice is thick from his sleep, causing him to clear it before he moves around some more. “Don’t act all modest now, love, not like you haven’t seen my penis before,”

“Jesus Christ, Harry,” you mumble and start picking up the bottles that were around your feet. “Get in the shower or whatever, Jeff says we’re leaving in twenty,” you exclaim.

“What? You’re not gunna be nice and start my shower for me, what am I paying you for?”

You knew the jabs of you working for him weren’t going to stop anytime soon. Yet every time it felt like he physically jabs you. With another sigh and smack of bottles in the trash bin, you stand up straight and wipe your hands on your pants. Harry has sat up now at least, watching your every move it seems. You blink a few times, ignoring his nakedness and then decide to make your way to the bathroom.

If he wanted his shower started, then you’d do your job and start his shower for his stupid hangover, again… you let out a deep breath as the shower streams down into the bathtub. Pulling the shower curtain, you make sure his toiletries are set and then walk back out to see Harry hasn’t moved again and he’s still fond of staring this morning.

“Twenty minutes, downstairs,” you order before leaving his room and walking down the hallway quickly.

As you get to the elevator your realize you’re breathing heavily. Grabbing the railing inside, you focus on your breathing and try to calm yourself down. It hurt. It hurt a fucking lot. But this was how it was supposed to be, you just worked for him and maybe one day a few weeks from now everything would blow over and this would go back to normal. The elevator rings and the doors open at the lobby, Jeff immediately approaching you to make sure Mr Grumpy was up and getting ready.

Throughout these past few days you’ve been handling more business sort of things. Jeff was mostly on Harry duty, and that’s probably why he’s been drinking himself stupid each night and going out with or without anyone from the team. But you couldn’t step up. So instead you just focused on work and hid away from Harry as much as you possibly could. In fact, this morning was the first time you two had talked in two days. And what a shitty two days it had been. Suppose even the banter between you two hurt less than the silence and scowls from afar.

You wondered if this was all worth it. As Harry comes down to the lobby, ignoring you completely and bickering with Mitch over something that had happened last night, you think maybe coming back to work at entirely a huge mistake. Maybe you should just tell Jeff to help you with a job at the office till you figured something out. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Helene asks, moving so your unfocused eyes met hers. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you nod and brush her off. 

“You know, if there’s something you need to talk about I’m here,” she says. You give her a smile and a soft thanks before you’re walking off to the first car that would bring the lot of you to the arena. 

⏤

Harry’s having another shit day. But what else does he expect nowadays? The girl he likes dumped him, continued to work for him, and now ignores his existence. He walks into the dressing room at Brisbane with his head down and hands in his jumper pocket. Since he couldn’t sleep last night and had only ordered one bottle of wine to try and slow down, he had a shit sleep and woke up earlier than he wanted - which he supposed was better than being woken up by your shouting for a second morning in a row. And now here he was at the arena before pretty much everyone else and wasn’t entirely sure of his plan.

He’s sitting upon the sofa, the dressing room feeling plain since no one has been around to set anything up just yet. At first he looks around and thinks up where he could get his hands on some liquor. But then he remembers the text his mom had sent him last night, it had been the reason he only had some wine at his hotel room instead of the night out with rum he had planned. 

I’m not sure what’s got you all bothered and drunk lately, but I think you should slow it down a little okay? I love you.

Harry pulls at his bottom lip and zones out as his mind takes a trip into the darkness that’s you. He finds himself doing this a lot, thinking about you when he’s all alone. Harry first thinks about how this all started. How he fought back the smiles and the comments he felt towards you near years ago, and how he knew it wasn’t his best idea to get involved with you. He knew from day one that it would be messy. But then he got you. And just as fast, he lost you. 

Harry runs a hand through his hair and ends up pulling at the ends as anger bubbles inside of his chest. Never has he felt so strongly about someone. He cannot recall the last time he hung onto someone’s words and someone’s laughter like he did with yours. He loved being around you and spending time with you doing absolutely nothing even. And yes he understood the risk of dating someone from his team, but he didn’t think he’d care so bloody much. And now, to hear from your own mouth that you didn’t even like him through those days wrapped up in each others arms. Even thinking about it broke his heart all over again.

All of a sudden the door for the dressing room opens up, and you walk in. Your heads down, responding to a text from Anne actually, while you’ve got your favourite iced coffee in hand. Harry watches you, waiting for you to notice his presence. Finally, looking up from your phone, you meet his eyes and get a little startled. 

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, heart beating out of your chest. “What are you doing here already?” 

Harry shrugs, “woke up early,” he answers in a low voice. 

“Alright then,” you respond then go walking off and beginning to set up the dressing room as you have many times before. 

“Got a coffee for me?” Harry questions. He knows how rude he sounds, but he just can’t help it. You’ve hurt his feeling a few too many times now for him to find his nice voice.

“Nope,” you say, “didn’t realize you were going to be here.” Harry wets his lips and watches you unlock the wardrobe cases before setting up a few things on the vanity too. Harry misses the days when it’d just be you two, getting him ready for the show and picking out suits.

“Jeff isn’t feeling really good today,” you state while turning back to look at Harry, “so I’ll be dealing with you today, just try and be civil, please, and don’t go drinking a bunch we’re almost done this leg of the tour and you’ll have another break to waste away with booze,” you say, hints of annoyance laced with your words. 

“Wow, you’re really asking a lot of me,” Harry breathes, rolling his eyes at you.

“Just want today to go well,” 

“Don’t want to get caught up in things? Just want to work, huh?” Harry knows his questions are about to start a fight. And when your eyes narrow to slits, fire in them, he knows he had done just that. 

“Fine, you want to start this then let’s get it over with,” you snap. 

Harry’s leaning forward now, pushing himself to stand up as his chest heaves with anger. All the things you’ve said to him are clouding his brain as he takes a few steps towards you. How much easier things would be if Harry never felt this way about you, if this whole thing had never started and he hadn’t kissed you at Nick’s house, if he hadn’t stayed in LA over the break or held your hand on the way to the airport - he would have saved him a hell of a lot of heartbreak. 

“You hurt me, I don’t understand why you think I can just go back to the way things were before that,” Harry says, shaking his head at you. 

“And you think I’m fine! This isn’t always all about you, Harry,” 

“Why wouldn’t you be fine? You did this! It’s obvious now that I meant nothing to you,” 

“You meant everything to me!” you shout back, feeling your eyes begin to water as an overwhelming burst of feelings follow your statement.

Harry’s fuming now, “well that’s not what I’ve heard. You’ve told Jeff how what happened was a mistake and how it meant nothing so many times I’ve lost fucking count,” 

“I was lying to him so that way he’d leave me alone for one stupid day and I didn’t have to talk about my feelings about you,” you explain. 

The fact that Harry’s doubting how you felt about him hurts you a lot. Because you’ve never liked someone so much before, it’s never sucked so freaking much to put yourself first before. Harry doesn’t respond right away. Instead he stands there with his arms crossed as he stares you down. It feels like that fight in your apartment all over again. Both heart shattering and mind consuming. You take a deep breath and lean against the vanity. 

“If you liked me so much, and it hurts you as much as it hurts me, then why did you listen to Jeff and break it off?” Harry asks the burning question before adding in a low voice, “we were so good together,” it’s something that’s been clear to him since things between you two started. He felt better, happier, and he drank much less when you were with him. The fact he realized that before Jeff or you did, well that’s just ridiculous.

“I listened to Jeff because I needed to put myself and my career first, Harry,” you state in a hard tone. It’s taking every bit of willpower to not break out right now in front of him. 

Harry’s face, which was soften for only a moment as he thought about how good you guys were, hardens again at how unaffected you seemed. Like Jeff’s stupid sidekick robot. What happened to the girl he fell in love with?

“It’s just a stupid job,” he grumbles under his breath. 

You are so fed up that you actually laugh at his words, throwing both of your arms up into the air while Harry looks back at you and furrows his brows. You shake your head and grab your coffee from the vanity again. This was stupid. Your job has turned into the most stupid thing ever. It made you feel like shit, it hurt you every day to see Harry, and it’s all because of the choices you made. 

“Just don’t make today hard, please,” you say before walking past him and out of the dressing room. 

You need to sit down and think. Just for a moment. And that’s how you find yourself in the shower room beside you dressing room. It’s not connected like at the other venues, it’s more private and exactly what you need. 

You must’ve been in the shower room for an hour maybe. Standing there, leaning against the tile wall as you hear the faint sounds of the rush of the crew getting tonight underway. You maybe have another half an hour to stand here in your thoughts before you had to wipe away your tears and be the person you were here to be. To do your stupid job. 

The job that brought you to Harry, you one guy you’ve actually fallen in love with. Yes, it’s taken you an hour to realize and admit it. A whole freaking hour of fighting your feelings to see that you couldn’t be here another day. After this last while in the showers alone, then going out there tonight on the last night of the Australian leg of the tour, you’d be done. You’d talk to Jeff and you’d quit and you’d be freed of the torturous days on this tour that were filled with such heartbreak it made you feel sick most days. 

It had started out with you feeling sad. Waking up that next morning after Jeff finding out about you and Harry, you were still so sad while Harry was drinking heavy again and shouting at Jeff every two seconds. Then with seeing him drinking so much and being so angry, not even being Grumpy, he was just plain mean - you got angry too. His backhanded comments and his scowling, it was like a jab to the stomach each and every time. But throughout this whole week, one feeling was for sure and that was your feelings towards Harry. You loved him and it was killing you cause you couldn’t have him.

⏤

The last show here in Brisbane starts in a few hours and you’re nowhere to be seen. Jeff’s freaking out, while coughing up a lung, and the band and crew are confused and now Harry’s all worried. Maybe he should have just listened and shut up. But now here he was, walking around the venue in hopes to find wherever you’re hiding and this time he had no intentions to start a fight - this time he only cared that you were alright.

Harry stops by the closed door that leads to the showers. Leaning forward, he doesn’t hear any water - but he does hear you. You’re crying, light sounds of you sobbing alone causes a sting to his heart. It doesn’t matter how much he tried to drink away the feelings or shout out his anger to you, he still freaking loved you. 

He doesn’t hesitate to open the door. And with the sound of the door opening, you hold your breath, he can tell. Turning around the corner he finds you. You’re leaning against the counter that has a couple sinks and a mirror too, cheeks wet and eyes reds while your hands shake at the sight of Harry finding you here. It makes you want to cry all over again, and you do, not being able to hold yourself together anymore.

Harry doesn’t care about the harsh words or the shouting from before, all he cares about now it what’s got you so upset. So he walks forward and inhales deeply before taking the risk of reaching out for you. 

“Shhh, love, it’s okay,” Harry coos as he wraps both arms around you. He really doesn’t care if you were going to act like a bitch and push him away, he’d still hold you through the fussing - there was no way he could let you just stand in here and cry alone anymore.

Thankfully you don’t fight back. You lean into his touch, finally feeling his arms around you felt like the world wasn’t ending around you anymore. You only cry harder as your heart beats fast in your chest and you lean into the crook of his neck. You really couldn’t believe this was happening, after all the the bullshit this past week, you were really in his arms right now.

Harry grabs the back of your thighs gently and lifts you up effortlessly till your bum lands on the counter. As he leans back a bit in order to look at your face, you look down at where his hips were between your legs and sniffle. Harry sighs, lifts your chin and frowns as you avoid his eyes still. He settles for wiping the wetness beneath your eyes instead. Instantly he tries to remember the date, but it’s not the 5th of May, it’s not the one month mark since your fathers death. Not that it really matters, that could upset you and break you any day - but Harry saw you as such a strong young woman. Till he walked in here and saw you standing here crying.

Your body shakes as another muffled sob escapes your tightly pressed together lips. You shut your eyes tight and rest your chin down to your chest. Harry shuts his eyes at the sight of you upset, shaking his head slightly before wrapping his arms around you again.

“What is it love?” he asks, his voice just above a whisper.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you mumble.

“What, what is it you can’t do?” Harry can tell his voice is easing you up a little.

You sniffle and look into his eyes for the first time now. Your eyes are red, still glossy from threatening tears waiting to fall down your cheeks.

“This, I can’t do this Harry, I can’t walk around here and pretend everything’s alright because it’s not,” you cry again and hold your sweater covered hands to your face. “I thought I could do this, I thought I could get over you,”

“It’s not easy, hey? I know, I keep falling for you every single day still,” Harry whispers into your hair. That only makes you cry harder, hands forming fists at the front of Harry’s shirt and he holds you tight. God this hurt so bad, Harry thinks as he chest tightens and he has to blink back tears of his own.

“Just be with me,” Harry pleads to you again, the same words he had said only just over a week ago now maybe even closer to two. All he knows is he’s been hurting ever since. “Fuck Jeff and his ultimatums and be with me,” he says.

“I can’t just be unemployed, Harry,” you say.

“We’ll figure something out, I’ll find you another job,”

This was the conversation you two should’ve had back in LA. But instead it was screaming and fighting back and forth before he ended up leaving your house and Harry ended up working out his anger by throwing back shots all night long. He runs his fingers through your hair and lets his lips linger to your bare shoulder, pressing a tender kiss before leaning back and kissing your cheek.

“Please, Y/N,” he whispers, voicing cracking as his chest aches even more. “I swear all the angry and all the things I’ve said lately I don’t really mean, I’ve just been so hurt. I just miss you so much,” he says, admitting all these feeling aloud to you. 

You let out a strangled sound, as if you’re letting go of a toxic breath you’ve been holding, and turn your head to press your lips to his. Harry doesn’t freeze for even a second, holding your head with one hand as he kisses you back. Your legs wrap around his torso tight as you put your all into the kiss, arms looping around his neck too. Harry kisses you deeply till you’re both out of breath, literally panting as you pull back. You rest your head on his chest as he hugs you again.

“Please don’t leave me again,” Harry whispers right by your ear. He can hear his pulse in his own ears, nervous that any moment now you’ll snap back into Jeff’s robot and thrash out of his hold. He can’t deal with that heartbreak again, never ever again. 

You lean back and look into his eyes, noticing the glassy look to them still. 

“We’re talking to Jeff this time, no sneaking around,” you demand, your tone as serious as you can muster up through all the feelings you’ve had the past hour and a bit.

“Right away,” Harry urges.

“After the show, you have to go get ready soon and that’ll be a long hard conversation,” you exclaim. Harry glances up at reflection in the mirror, meeting his own gaze as he tightens his arm around your figure and presses a kiss to your hair. This was all he wanted, you right here in his arms again. 

“Only if you come and get ready with me today,” Harry says. You roll your eyes at him but there really wasn’t any other thing you’d rather do than help him pick out a suit.

⏤

Jeff sighs, “look, I figured this was going to happen eventually,” 

You three are sitting in the dressing room, Harry right by your side on the couch as the talk you’ve been dreading for hours now is about to begin. You and Harry got to hide away while he got ready, stolen kisses and smiles all around till you met with Jeff before Harry got on stage. Jeff must’ve notice Harry’s change in attitude, you sure as hell did cause it was a damn good change. He was actually grinning on stage again and he kept looking to stage right in hopes to catch your watching eyes. And then after the show Harry looked right at Jeff and say ‘we need to talk’ before letting you lead the way to the dressing room.

“Then why threaten Y/N’s job and ruin the one good thing going, huh?” Harry questions, clearly holding back a bit as he glares at his manager. You reach over and place a hand over his, hoping to calm him down. 

“Because I got scared, okay? Yes what I said about employee and employer relationships is true, it’s can be hard and a reputation can be slapped onto you, Y/N,” Jeff says, “but I was scared because I thought the absolute worst first, if you guys were to break up then I’d be left with the shit attitude of Harry alone and I’ve never had to deal with you without her, okay? She’s the only one who can get a damn grip on you and has been here with me since I became your manager,” 

You can’t help but smile at Jeff. He was totally right, you were the only one who could handle Harry - even this past week with his worst behaviour and things being even worse between you two, he still listened to you. But only one thing made sense as to why he’d listen to you, it was because he liked you. Like a lot. 

“And I’m sorry,” Jeff adds, looking both you and Harry in the eyes. 

“Well you’re the sole reason behind our worst week ever, but whatever, as long as you don’t pull this shit again then I’ll let it go,” Harry says. 

“I’ll do you one better,” Jeff says with a smile before he looks into your eyes, “I’ll give you a promotion,” he adds. 

“I’m sorry, a what?” you question. Your brows are pulled so tightly together while you stare at Jeff who’s still smiling like a fool. What in the world? 

“A promotion, within the label,” he states, “you will no longer be working for Harry, and you’ll get the job you really deserve after all these years of hard work,” 

“Can you give us some actual details?” Harry asks, eyes narrowed at Jeff as he seems a bit spectacle of whatever he’s going on about. You roll your eyes at Harry’s bitter tone of voice and thread your fingers through his. This gets his attention right away, his eyes flickering down to your intertwined hands instead of glaring at Jeff. 

“There’s a new artist we have just recently signed to the label, she goes by the name King Princess,” Jeff explains, pausing as both you and Harry look at him again. “Her real name is Mikaela Strauss and she needs a manager,” he says with a smile. 

“Wait-” 

“Are you saying you want me to be her manager?” you cut off Harry to throw out your own confusion. 

Jeff nods, “I’ve been on the phone with her over the past week now, telling her all about you, and she wants to meet up and get things going. She’s very talented and I believe in her a lot, been looking for someone to be her manager for a month now, you’ve always been at the top of my list. But like I said, I’ve been to scared to let you go, Y/N,” 

“Jeff,” you breathe out, “wow, uh, thank you,” 

Jeff’s smile grows even more as he takes in how shocked and happy you must look, because this is exactly the job you wanted. To be a manager of a new up and coming artist. And if Jeff believes in her then you wanted this even more. Harry’s watching you, heart bursting at the utter look of happiness spread across your face, before his name is said by Jeff and he’s looking back his way. 

“Just promise me that you’ll calm down on the drinking again, and that you’ll quit being so damn grumpy all the time,” Jeff says. 

Harry narrows his eyes, “I don’t know-”

“Shut up,” you inject, giving him a short glare before looking back to Jeff, “he’ll be on his best behaviour, I will make you that promise. Now when do I meet her?” you ask and listen intently as Jeff goes on to tell you what he’s been planning this past week. 

Harry turns his head and looks at you. His lips tug up into a smile, no doubt his dimple pop out, as he can’t help but watch you. How your lips move as you talk to Jeff or how bright your eyes look - they haven’t seemed so bright in a while now. You’re just so excited and it makes Harry excited too. He reaches up and brushes your hair behind your ear, causing you to look at him in the corner of your eye while Jeff goes on about her new job. 

“I’ll, uh, let you two have some time alone now,” Jeff says, “van leaves in twenty minutes to go back to the hotel,” he adds before he’s walking out of the dressing room and leaving you and Harry alone. 

“I feel like this should be so awkward, like we literally broke up and everything,” you say while Harry keeps brushing his fingers through your hair. 

“I think I’m too happy to be awkward,” he states. 

You smile and sit up in order to snuggle into his side some more. “I’m happy too,” you sigh. 

Harry let’s out a deep sigh as you move your body around some more to get comfortable in the few passing minutes you two had together. Finally, you thought to yourself while resting your head in his lap and looking up at Harry - you missed this so freaking much. Harry smiles softly and brushes back your hair from your face. 

“This past week has been the actual worst,” he says. 

“I know,” you agree, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“I really am sorry for anything I said or did, I was just so-” Harry pauses to let out a deep sigh and look away from your eyes and in front of him instead for just a couple seconds. “I was upset,” he says. 

You give him another smile as his eyes meet yours once more, “I’ve never really taken your outbursts to heart before, so don’t worry,” 

“God, I’ve just been such an ass lately,” Harry curses some more under his breath as you shake your head at him and sit back up. You don’t waste a minute before cupping both his cheeks in your hands. You didn’t think you’d get to hold him let this again, the thought brings another smile to your lips. 

“But things are okay again, right? We’re together, we’re happy, Jeff fixed his mistakes, so you’ll be okay again, right?” You question.

When thinking back to the drunken stupid he’s been in lately, you got a bit worried. He wasn’t even Grumpy then, he was in a bad place and it hurt you to know it was your doing so. That’s why you had messaged Anne just yesterday and hoped she’d say something to get Harry to slow down the hard liquor a little. You don’t remember Miller being called to pick up Harry last night, and he was here so early this morning so maybe he did. 

Harry leans forward as you’re deep in thought and presses his lips to yours. The feeling of him kissing you snaps you out of your thoughts while your hands card through his hair and your bring him even closer to you. Dear God you missed this. Your heart flutters and your stomach twists and turns as his hands grip your hips and pull your flesh against him now. How you two went this past week without kissing, or even kissing, beats you - suppose the hurt and anger suppressed the want that’s always there. 

“Okay, okay,” you breathe out while pulling back from the kiss. Harry mets your eyes with his bewildered ones, maybe they matched your own. You focus on your breathing while fixing his black button down shirt that you had managed to wrinkle in your hands. “Maybe, let’s just take this a little slow,” you say. 

“You’re not asking me to keep this a secret again, are you?” Harry questions. You know he’s teasing, but you can tell there’s a hint of worry behind his words too. You smile and peck his lips quickly before it can lead to something more. 

“No, but maybe it’s for the best that we don’t just go out there and make out in front of everyone,” you exclaim. Harry chuckles and nods, and with that you get up off the sofa and fix yourself. “The van leaves soon, let’s head out,” you say. 

“Can I hold your hand?” Harry asks, his eyes trailing down to where your hands were by your side. 

You wet your lips and smile, “yes,” you say. 

Harry doesn’t know what has him being so open with you, but he doesn’t waste his chance to reach out a thread his fingers through yours. The last time they’d held hands outside of the safety of their own space, someone had taken a picture and Jeff had found them before they hit the internet. And now this time neither of you had to worry about that, he could walk out of the dressing room with your hand in his and then after you drop his hand to answer some messages while getting into the van and ignoring the weird looks from the band he can rest his hand on your thigh too. 

“Can I sleep in your room tonight?” Harry asks, his voice so quiet you barely hear him yourself. You turn to him and narrow your eyes, meeting a classic smirk and twinkle in his eyes to match the daring question he had asked. 

“Maybe, but no funny business,” you tell him. 

Harry really did just want to spend more time with you. But with that devilish smirk and the way his hand slowly moved up your thigh... You let out a deep breath through your nose and don’t stop his hand till his fingertip lightly brushes over the material of your jeans right over the spot between your legs... Yeah... There was some funny business. 

⏤

You furrow your brows at your phone screen. FaceTiming your tired boyfriend meant that sometimes he would become too lazy to even hold the phone up. You watch lights pass by at what you assumed was the arena, waiting to finally see his face as he adjusts his phone to face him once more. A smile pulls at your lips as you see the fuzzy picture on your screen now. His hair is still a mess, even longer than you had last seen a couple weeks ago in person. 

“Hey,” he smiles. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” You ask, swirling around in your chair while holding the phone to better your angle. 

“Good, just kinda rushing around a bit,” Harry answers, looking away from the camera yet again as he seems distracted by something. You can hear some people talking around him, not that you could understand anything they’re saying it’s mostly just a crowd of people talking.

“Oh, was this a bad time to call?” you ask. 

Harry brings the camera close to his face and gives you a soft look right into the lens. “I always love talkin’ to ya and seein’ your face, love, but I’m just a bit busy,” he smiles. 

“Yeah, I get it,” you say and show him a short pout before turning back away from the view of the New York street below your office to your desk that had a few tasks at hand for you to get busy with anyways. “I should get back to work too,” you add. 

“Get to it, m’working girl,” Harry makes a show to wink at the camera too. You chuckle and shake your head at him. 

“Talk soon?” 

“Of course, love,” 

You pucker your lips to the camera before looking at the screen once more and admiring how cute your boyfriend was even through a crappy quality FaceTime call. Harry grins at the call before he pulls the phone back and you get the perfect sight of his jawline before the call ends. You place your phone on your desk and lean back in your chair with one last sigh - you missed Harry, a lot. 

Upon getting back together and you getting this promotion that Jeff set up, things got good for sure. You got to stick around through the Asian and South American tour dates, settling into your relationship with ease and everyone around really accepted the idea of you two being together too. You stare down at your phone screen as it lights up with a text from Mikaela saying she was just about at the office. Your background is from your last day on tour. Harry’s standing behind you, arm around your waist and a wide smile on his face while the rest of the band and few other crew members stood around you two. Those days were long gone it felt like. Now nearly a month later, over half way through Harry’s North American dates and you just really missed seeing him every day. 

“Hey,” Mikaela’s voice carries through the room as she enters, her sneakers squeak against the new hardwood and causing you both to cringe. 

“Should probably let the cleaning lady know that she can chill on the floors a bit,” you say. Mikaela chuckles and takes a seat in the big comfy leather seat on the other side of your desk. After getting this job and the head of the label place here in New York brought you to your office, you knew it needed a bit of sprucing up - hence the hardwood floors and comfy chairs for your favourite and only client. 

“So what’s up?” Mikaela asks, running a hair through her brown hair and pushing it to one side as you give her a smile. “What?” she questions, brows pulled together, suppose you needed to work on a poker face when delivering good news. 

“There’s something by the couch for you,” you say. 

Mikaela jumps up from the chair and walks over to where her first framed plaque for her very first single ‘1950′. Her eyes light up immediately as her hands grip both sides of the frame and her mouth gapes open. Then she’s shouting out in pure excitement and it warms your heart so freaking much that your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. 

“Y/N, I cannot thank you enough wow this is un-fucking-real,” she beams at you. 

“You’re welcome,” you reply, getting up to hug her quickly and take a few pictures for her too. 

“Oh, and thank Harry later for me, even his tweet really helped me out too, I’m sure I’ll just miss him,” she says only about ten minutes later as she’s got her things together and ready to leave the office once more. She was off to celebrate. But first, she had you so completely confused you had to question her before she left your office. 

“Miss him? What? I’m confused,” you say, brows wound tight together and arms crossing at your chest now. 

“Oh, uh,” Mikaela must realize she’s made a mistake of some sorts as her face winds up with confusion too. “I just heard some people talking at the front desk about clearing out the parking space for Mr Styles’s arrival this afternoon,” she explains. “And I probably just ruined a whole surprise I’m assuming, so let’s just forget about this conversation,” she says before she’s running off with her plaque in hand. 

You move to lean against the front of your desk and pull out your phone. For a moment you think about calling Harry again, or even just sending him a quick text telling him the surprise is over. Or you could just wait and pretend Mikaela never said anything at all. An email about King Princess’s newest song release date shows up at the top of your screen and suddenly you’re in work mode again. Without a doubt you’re still thinking about what Mikaela supposedly heard and if your boyfriend was going to walk through the door any minute... 

That’s when he does. You first see a bouquet of flowers pushing through your door, causing a smile to tug on your lips but you cross your arms at your chest again and try to hold back the utter grin that’s pulling on your lips. Harry walks into your office, holding that beautiful bouquet of flowers and giving you a smile. He looks just as he did a while ago when you saw on over FaceTime. 

“I was wondering when you were going to get here,” you say slyly. 

Harry scowls then, “who ruined it?” 

You just shake your head and let your smile break through then. “Nobody,” you say. 

Harry walks over and set the flowers down on your desk beside you before wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tight. Inhaling deeply, smelling his cologne so strongly instead of the faint smell on the sweater you had stolen, your heart does that cute little pitter patter in your chest. Harry leans back and brings his hands up to your face, placing them on both of your cheeks. Shutting your eyes, you’re ready to feel his lips against yours but after a moment he doesn’t kiss you and instead adjusts his hands on your face. You open you eyes and meet his, mirroring his smile as well. 

“Missed ya,” he mutters. 

“I missed you too,” you say. 

Harry leans forward and brushes his nose against your before meshing your smiles together and kissing you with so much passion your head spins. You haven’t told him yet - but you really did love the crap out of this boy. Coming to New York a whole week earlier than his show was here at Madison Square Garden, surprising you, bringing you flowers and kissing you like this too. What more could you ask for? You were by far the happiest you’ve been in so freaking long. 

“Think we could get away with doing it right here in your office?” Harry questions jokingly while squeezing your bum with one hand. 

You chuckle and narrow your eyes at him, “settle down,” you warn. Harry gives you a slight scowl. “Oh come on now, Grumpy, can’t wait till we at least get to my car?” 

Harry shakes his head at you and smirks before his lips are back on yours. Yeah, life had turned out pretty good. And it was really all thanks to that ridiculous Grumpy prick you worked for. The one you had fallen in love with. 

thank you for reading xx 

(check out the story page for post ‘grumpy’ blurb also)

[bentchcreates]

Beyond Light and Darkness, A Kathbute Anthology (Part 2)

Let me begin 2018 with an awesome review of our awesome book! I’m very proud of this – I was part of the new writer judging, the editing, and I wrote the preface! – and if you want to know this book’s journey from conception to publishing I wrote a lengthy blog on that last year.

In this second part of the #BLaD blog posts, I’ll be reviewing it as a reader and I’ll try to review it as objectively as I can. ;) Here’s what I think of the 11 stories by the Kathbute Authors, because while a general review of the book is appreciated, it always feels great for anthology authors to read about their works individually.

I. Love Bits

1. The Watch Repairman’s Son – H. Bentham Prompts: A broken wristwatch, peppermints, and a hug that goes too far.

LOL at reviewing this objectively! XD This is my work and for me it’s the best! Hahaha!

Anyway, a trivia about this story: This is actually my first Sancho de Guerra story. I finished writing this almost a full year before “Guide for A Day” appeared in Summer Feels but this took a while to see the light of day. The town I envisioned here is a wee bit different from the one I imagined for the later story, but you wouldn’t really notice. All the bits that got published can go together, and as of this writing, I declare it as canon. ;)

2. Can I Stay? – Nigel Libranages Prompts: Tarot Cards, the coming winter, a pair of old leather boots

This is more of a romantic fiction than romance but the feels, especially the melancholy, is on point. The tone seems levelheaded, but there’s something subtle in how it’s presented that tugs at the heartstrings just right. I must commend both the clever interpretation of the given prompts and the vivid visualization of the settings. Sandra’s characterization is also well fleshed out, justifying her decisions through the end of this short story.

II. Spell Crafts

3. Potion Lunacy – Irina Jean Prompts: The first day of school, a love note, a recipe with a significant mistake

The YA Fantasy theme in this one is cute and reminds me so much of quirky 2000’s anime. Feisty Portia is stubborn but also a bit insecure and her love interest, Gelen, is just the right amount of clumsy and torpe to be endearing. The fun and fast-paced banter depicts the youthfulness of the characters accurately. And the magic parts, though light, are solid and well thought of.

4. Etienne and Amelie – Johanna Lee Prompts: A supporting fairytale character, a lake, pretenses

This retelling of your favorite fairytales retains the fantastical magic of our childhood reads. I’m not going to say which tales get beautifully mashed-up because I think the figuring out is part of the story’s charm. The visualization and choice of words are commendable, as well as the surprising twist at the very end. You have to read this carefully. Blink, and you’ll miss it.

5. Man in Between – Trix Luna Prompts: old train, jewels, an inconvenient truth

This story wasn’t in the original manuscript I got to read in the editing phase so reading it for the first time in the book is quite an experience. It is told in the second person POV, something I rarely get to read and the spec fic theme is also somewhat fresh to me. I don’t know how best to describe it without spoilers except that I thought it felt transcendental. The choice of words really got to me and it was…unsettling, in the way good fiction affects readers even after the story ends.

III. Distortions

6. The Time Banker – Raine Rillera Prompts: A name, a prison cell, music

The sci-fi/spec fic concept for this one has been wonderfully executed, and the interpretation of the prompts, though subtle and downplayed, were key elements in the advancement plot. This is one of the stories chosen after our writing contest and I remembered that even the rough draft of this one was solid so the edited version in the print made for an awesome reread.

7. The Trial of the Tainted – Trix Luna Prompts: A heroic villain, an old parchment, an unforgivable sin

Space and time-travelling were the themes of this interesting short story. I loved the world-building in this one and the twist and turns it took to get to that ‘heroic villain’ bit. There is also an underlying subtheme of a familiar story that everyone knows by now so the marriage of sci-fi elements to that story kind of updated the mysterious plot.

8. Word Wisp – AlaraChan IDA Prompts: aerobics, a secret diary, something unpleasant under the bed

With prompts like those, familiar stories immediately come to mind about monsters and inner demons, yada, yada…but this interpretation of the boogeyman trope is fresh and brilliant. The monster here isn’t a thing, more of a concept, and it doesn’t kill, but rather consumes something everyone often takes for granted. I especially loved the world apocalypse scenes and the people’s reactions to it in this story’s universe.

IV. Penumbra

9. Allegro – RK Sanchez Prompts: A name, a prison cell, music

Our cover artist also contributed a story here, and it is one on the darker themes. This time the mystery is more psychological and less fantastical but is just as interesting as all the other stories.  The author takes a different turn with the interpretation of the prompts and offers a sweet twist toward the end.

10. Thirty-Seven – Yelle Felicenny Prompts: A stolen ring, fear of spiders, a sinister stranger

This was one of my anticipated reads in this book because I only got to read the first part during the editing phase. There’s a bit of action, adventure and mystery here but what really got me was the dark turn of events at about the final quarter of the story.

11. Darker Than Night- AlaraChan IDA Prompts: a campfire, a scream, a small lie that gets bigger and bigger

This is uniquely written in epistolary style/journal entries, and is a dark but captivating read. I don’t read a lot of horror stories (everyone knows I’m a coward, lol) but I couldn’t put this down! I wanted to know what happens to the aswang and the military party that’s pursuing it!

5 of 5 Stars. Because I’m super proud of our work, and it is an honor to have worked on this with awesome writers and awesome people!

Blurb: The 11 stories in this anthology showcase the interpretations of the Kathbute writers to the theme of light and darkness in the genres of Romance, Fantasy, Science Fiction, and Mystery.

Buy Links:

Right now it’s only available in print here: bit.ly/BLADBatch2

I’ll update this when the Kindle version is released. J

For the meantime, put it in your GoodReads TBR shelf? https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36995364-beyond-light-and-darkness-a-kathbute-anthology

About the authors:

Nigel Libranages Nigel Libranages is a licensed chemist but dreams of becoming a marine biologist and take care of sea turtles. Born as a genuine sinker, the closest that he can do about his dream is own an aquarium. He has pitcher plants for pets, and he loves reading about myths and folklore. He writes before he forgets. Dedication: To those who are strong enough to hold on, and brave enough to let go.

Wattpad: @libranages

Raine Rillera Born and raised in Baguio City, Raine has a natural affinity to cold weather and “vintage” clothing (i.e. ukay). Her first paying job was as a puppeteer, when at 8 years old she staged her own puppet show at a birthday party. Since then, she has been telling stories through whatever medium was available.

Wattpad: @purple_porpoise

H. Bentham H. Bentham was born and raised in the Philippines but now resides 1,481 miles away from home. He battles homesickness with his various hobbies and (mostly) procrastinating on the internet. When he's done being bored, he writes stories; and when he's feeling particularly profound, poems. He adores turtles and bettas, enjoying the slow, quiet companionship they provide.

Wattpad: @bentchbites|Facebook: H Bentham Writes | Twitter: @bentchbites| Instagram: @bentchbites

Irina Jean Irina Jean is an elusive mushroom who indulges in anime, manga, video games, and most of all, art. She believes that writing is a unique form of art too, for she can express herself with words as her paint and her laptop as her canvas. When she's not writing, she's usually binge-gaming with friends. She dreams of being a webcomic artist and, if possible, a space witch. (Actually, any kind of witch would do.)

Wattpad: @Cygneux|Facebook: Irina Jean

Trix Luna Trix is the self-proclaimed duchess of the East of the Sun and West of the Moon, a place where there is always light when you need it. She’s still waiting for her Hogwarts acceptance letter even though she is already sorted to Ravenclaw. She’s not adept at any game ending in –ball (basketball, football, volleyball, etc.) other than Quidditch and Scrabble. She has a one-sided relationship with music and strongly opposes to divorce with it, believing that music will learn to love her singing voice…eventually.

Wattpad: @lunatrix|Facebook: Trix Luna | Twitter: @3xLuna

AlaraChan IDA AlaraChan IDA is a kabute who like books, cats, and hot chocolate. She takes long quiet walks, bike rides, and binge-watching a number of TV series to keep her muse alive and kicking. She dreams of becoming a pod racer, a dragon-tamer, and a space pirate. She recently took up watercolor painting and is now torn between writing and the arts.

Wattpad: @AlaraChan| Instagram: @alara_arts

Johanna Lee Johanna Lee is a Filipino writer based in Western Australia who writes poetry, and fictional stories in the genre of Chicklit, Romance, and Paranormal. A published Tagalog Romance author, Radish Fiction writer, and a Children’s-storyteller-wannabe. She finds joy in her collection of toys, books, stationery, and old-fashioned writing tools.

Twitter: @ilivewritenow| Instagram: @ilivewritenow

Yelle Felicenny Felicenny is an awkward melange of multiple extremes: an artist hemmed in a thriving tycoon’s body. While business is her field of study and training remote communities is her passion in public service, her heart belongs to art, poetry and travelling. Bus rides, sunsets and coffee shops are among her favorite things, for the untamed muse beckons the most - inked on bus tickets, receipts and table napkins.

Wattpad: @Felicenny| Facebook: Yelle Felicenny

R.K. Sanchez R.K. Sanchez is a teacher by profession, but is fond of learning a lot of things from her students. Her hands are often dirty as she is a right-handed artist and guitarist, often having guitar string marks on her left hand fingertips and paint stains all over her right hand. She is an introvert who has always been afraid of meeting and approaching new people, but never afraid of approaching stray cats and dogs.

Wattpad : @PrivateHeroine| | Facebook: Skribsinner | Instagram: @skribsinner