#anyway this is the last i'm gonna post or look at about that bullshit

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

i truly love making people mad by applying basic reading comprehension to the words that are in front of me instead of using telepathy to intuit that a stranger means the exact opposite of what they said, using my block button, and moving on with my life

[front-facing-pokemon]

[madebyrolo]

Holding me and holding back

⚘.

Pt.1 Rafe Cameron x pouge reader

Read pt.2 here!

she/her

Summary: summer fling with Rafe. Your typical kook vs pouge war but what if instead of gold it was love?

Obx masterlist

─── ʚɞ ⋅ ᯓᡣ𐭩 ⋅ ୨୧ ───

Walking through town with jj and Kiara. She's shopping while you and jj tag along, she has midsummer coming up, and even though she thinks it's just fascist bullshit she can't help but love dress shopping, she's just a girl.

You guys are in the 3rd store this afternoon, dress after dress Kiara still can't find the perfect one.

“How about this one?” jj said picking out a random dress from the rack.

“Jj you and I both know that's ugly.” Kiara said with a disappointed look.

“Ugh! I can't seem to find one decent enough dress. I'm gonna lose it.” Kiara said as she swiped through hanger after hanger.

“Why do you need a new dress you have plenty,” you asked walking around looking for a dress

“Because my mom said so, I can't keep wearing the same ones over and over ‘it looks wrong’ and I quote.” Kiara answers.

“And by that she means it looks poor.” you finish for her grabbing a dress from the rack and inspecting it before adding it to your pile.

“I don't blame you but we've been through so many stores and you still can't seem to find one dress.” you throw your head back still looking for a dress.

“Kie why do you even care about this dress, you'll wear it for like not even a few hours anyways.” jj said giving up and sitting on the couch taking his cap off.

“If I have to wear it, it's gonna be perfect.” Kiara said smacking her lips.

“Prech it girl.” you said from across the room.

Finally after 11 racks and 2 stacks of dresses, kie is finally in the dressing room.

“Heres this one, it's only better than the rest.” she said coming out from the curtains with a blue sequin dress.

“I mean it's cute-”

“For prom” jayj finishes your sentence.

“Yeah it seems much for midsummers” you say tilting your head.

“Ugh that's what I thought but I wasn't sure, the rest are as bad!” Kie groans looking at herself in the mirror.

“There's like 2 satin dresses I picked out, try one of those. Girls usually wear simple dresses.” you say laying back on the couch.

“Theres a light blue and purple, which one are we thinking?” she yells out.

“Lights blue” jj said with his face covered by hat.

“Mmm purple if you wear blue you're practiially matching with Rafe” you say looking at the celling unbothered

Until you hear the words Rafe come out your mouth.

“What do you mean matching with him? How do you know what he's going to wear?” Kiara asked popping her head out the curtain confused.

“And you've never been to midsummer too how do you know what they wear?” jj suspiciously asked.

Your eyes widen before you look at your friend on the couch trying not to become flustered before opening your mouth to lie the best you ever could.

“Uh cause kies mom always post a family pic on Facebook and I stalk for fun when Im bored. I see some girls in the background..” you come up with, its true the stalking part so did you technically lie?

“Oh yeah you do I remember when you accidently liked John bs old post” jj laughed at himself.

“You were so petrified even though you were literally sitting in the chateau with him across the room.” jj pushes you in the side.

“Even though he's our friend it's embarrassing when someone finds out you stalk them!” you defending yourself.

“What did you mean by the Rafe thing tho” jayj asked.

“Its blue, Rafe 100% is gonna wear it cause ‘it matches his eyes’ " you said the last part dramatic

“Yeah he is a self observed prick” kie said shutting the curtain continuing to try on dresses.

You sit back in relief, letting out a deep breath after almost getting caught by your friends.

The only reason you knew what he was wearing is because you were there. You helped him pick it out and when he was having it tailored in the living room of tannyhill.

*ੈ𑁍༘⋆

—flashback—

You and Rafe were riding on a ferry on the way to the mainland. You were wearing a sundress with him in a matching polo shirt and khakis, both in ray bans he'd bought you.

He said his arm wrapped around your shoulder as he talked to you about the times he's snuck out and come to the mainland with him and his boys, with fake IDs and college parties they wessled their way in.

“Yeah and then Kelce was hooking up with a girl and then the cops came and we had to run! He got so pissed and yelled out cock blocking pigs!” he said chucking too himself.

You giggling finding the story funny but couldn't help but feel bad as you felt the buzzing of your phone that were obviously texts from your friends you canceled on.

“Whos texing you?” Rafe asked

“Just my friends” you say adjusting in the seat and grabbing your phone from your purse. Seeing notifications of the group chat of the pouches.

──────────────────────

⌞ Pope hitting the Dougie. ⌝

────────────────────────────────────

What does the j stand for: Y/n don't you think we should at least have some kid balloons? Like dinosaurs or shit like that??

Kiki do you love me : its a highschool party.

What does the j stand for: and my birthday.

Hope 🥺: I don't see the problem with silly balloons 😲

Johnathan : I would go for the balloons but its a no for me cause the one jj wants is practically half a case of a beer 🤑

What does the j stand for: just say you don’t love me 🥲

You: I’m on the mainland I’ll buy some for your here. Their cheaper here anyways.

What does the j stand for: AYEE 😘

You: Hate you jay ☺️

What does the j stand for: y/n to save the day once again.

Kiki do you love me: favoritism 🙄

Hope 🥺: he’s just the birthday boy

Johnathan: he's just a girl.

💬

──────────────────────

“Youre gone for a day and their loosing their minds” He says with a smirk hugging you tighter

“Yeah they were planning Jj's birthday party today too. I told them to let me know if there's anything I can do while I'm gone but they said not to worry about it but as you can tell I think they're worrying.” you chuckled to yourself playing with your fingers.

“Jayjs party?” he scoffed “and I didn't get an invite?”

“Its at John bs place and besides even if you did get an invite you wouldn't even go. Thought you couldn't stand pouges” you looked at him

“And yet here we are..” he said before going in for a slow and passionate kiss.

The kiss was sweet. It tasted like mint gum and candy that you both shared. You couldn't lie to yourself, you loved these sweet moments with Rafe but you had to keep reminding you self that none of this was real. None of it was real.

Well it couldn't be anyways.

—end of flashback—

After kie finally picked the dress which was the purple satin one, you guys finally hit up a restaurant for lunch.

You guys sat in a booth and were handed menus by the waiter.

“Should we just get a pizza and split?” you offered

“Sure but we gotta get fries too” jj said looking through the menu.

After a couple of minutes getting your drinks and waiting for the food you guys were talking and jj hogging the fires.

Jj was smiling until the bell jingled and someone came in. He looked up and pure hatred took over his face.

“And look what the draft brought in.” he said throwing his fry in the basket.

You all looked up to see the one and only Rafe walk in. Wearing the Ray bans and his stupid (yet cute) button-up. He looked around and spotted jj, squinting his eyes and then placing a fake smile before coming up.

You groaned and slid down into your seat knowing what was about to come up.

“Ugh what does he want.” kie said giving dirty looks.

“Well well well, didn't know they served anchovie pizza here?” he said with his famous smirk, gabbing a chair and pulling it up.

“What do you want Rafe.” kie spat out

“Well I came for pizza cause its a pizza place..” he said smiling “didn't know pouges would be on my side of the island.” he said with any sign of fake happiness gone.

Him and Kie locked eyes practically having a staring contest.

You spoke up to hopefully ease the tension.

“Rafe I think your pizza is ready.” you said moving your eyes to the pizza sitting on the counter.

His eyes moved to you completely softening, but still had the hate look on his face. Complete whiplash it gave you.

“Didnt see you there princess.” he said looking you up and down.

“Okay you can go now.” jj shewed Rafe away.

“Don't want your pizza getting cold.” kie said.

You rolled your eyes, the typical kook vs pouge shit Rafe pulls. Rafe eyes linger on jj, then kie giving them looks that could kill. Soon he gets uo pushing the chair back, he goes up pays for the pizza. As he waits for the cashier to arrive he turns back around staring at your table.

“God he's so insufferable.” Kie says as the pizza arrives and you all start to dig in.

“Oh you got some sauce on your face princess” jayj says as he wipe the sauce off with his thumb.

Rafe watches jj as he licks his thumb and gets the smallest bit of sauce on your face

Didn't even need a napkin, could've just swiped it off yourself Rafe thinks to himself.

Soon the cashier arrives and handles the transaction. Finishing up Rafe huff out the store with the pizza. he gets to his car slamming the door and handing the pizza to Sarah who was in the passenger seat.

“Jeez what's your problem” she looks at her brother with a judgmental look.

“Those damn pouges.” Rafe talked through trough his teeth staring the truck.

“Let me guess, jj was sitting inside enojing a slice of pizza and minding his own business.” Sarah said smacking her lips.

“And Kiara.” he said looking at staah knowing the name would cause some spark.

“God that bitch.” Now the girl matching his energy.

“Hmm her cars right there…” Rafe said pointing to her blue nissan.

“Toolbox is in the back,” Sarah mentioned slyly.

Back in the restaurant the group of kids were eating and laughing when y/n got a notification. She picked up her phone looking at the Lock Screen.

Apple Pay Rafe 🕶️ sent $150: Get an Uber.

Y/n sighed in her spot, obviously her mood being ruined when another notification came.

Apple Pay Rafe 🕶️ sent $100: More Napkins wouldn’t hurt.

Y/n shocked her head and put her phone back down shaking the thoughts away as she focused on jayj talking about night surfing later.

After an hour you guys finally finshed, you took the bill because with the $250 you now had should be going to the dinner Rafe ruined. Or was about too.

As you all walk out towards the parking lot, you see Kiara’s care with all 4 tires popped.

“That fucking asshole!” Kid said running up to her car looking at the damage he caused.

“Kooks always win.” jj said taking his hat and ruffling his hair

“What the fuck am I gonna tell my parents ?” Yk said bending down and checking her tires.

so that was the Uber was for.

30 minutes later a tow truck and Kiara’s parents are surround the mechanic dude talking about prices and damage as you guys sit on concrete side walk.

“Can’t believe Rafe would actually do this. What would even prevoke him to do damage this bad?” Kie said with her head in her hands feeling completely defeated.

“It’s Rafe, not like he needs any reason to terrorize us. We were just eating pizza man.” jj said laying against the brick wall of the restaurant.

“You guys wanna Uber out of here? I’ll pay.” You offered feeling bad. It felt like your fault.

“No I have to go home, my parents are absolutely are gonna flip out on me.” Kie said closing her eyes whining.

“Jay?” You asked

“Where do you have the money for an Uber?” Jj asked.

“Extra shifts I guess, do you want a ride or not?” You ask one last time.

“Yeah yeah I’ll go with you.” he agreed.

Soon enough you’re in the Uber, you and jj are in the back seat. He’s looking out the window as you text your parents jj was coming over. As you sent the text you grab your sunglasses in your bag and putting them on to block out the sun for a quick nap.

“So where are you getting all this extra cash?” Jj asked suspiciously.

“I work and save up jay. Saving up means I don’t spend my whole paycheck at the smoke shop.” You lied.

“Those are raybans. I thought you said you didn’t like wasting your money on materialistic stuff” he asked pointing to the glasses.

“They were on sale, and besides I can't own at least one nice thing jj?” you say avoiding eye contact.

“You picked up the whole check and now the uber-”

“Jj enough! I don't feel like being integrating by my own best friend. I work okay? I save up and am able to have these extra things.” you scoffed

“Okay okay chill out..” jayj let go of the topic.

Soon the 20-minute ride to the opposite side of the island's finally came to an end. You and jj got out with him follow you into your house and straight to your room.

“Are you staying the night?” you asked putting your purse and shoes to the side.

“Mhm probably not, I gotta work at the dock early in the morning.” he said grabbing his secret stash of weed and joint paper behide the picture of you and the pouges.

“Your welcome to join me?” he said opening your window and beging to roll a joint.

“No thanks jay” you say crashing down on your bed and opening up insta.

As you scroll through stories you end up on Rafes with him at the country club playing golf with his friends in the morning, then a few drinks, then him and Sarah with a screw driver with fake smiles caption with “🐟🛞”

Confirmed.

As soon as you get off a insta you get a text.

──────────────────────

Rafe 🕶️

──────────────────────

Rafe 🕶️: just saw you viewed my stories

You: stalker

Rafe 🕶️: Whatever, come over tonight and bring extra clothes

You: sleepover?

Rafe 🕶️: yes ☠️☠️☠️

You: mhm alr

You: see you later ❤︎

*Rafe 🕶️ hearted a message*

──────────────────────

You close your phone and turn over to jayj who’s in his own little world.

You began thinking to yourself, are you really gonna let Rafe get away with basically destroying Kiara’s car? And now he’s acting like nothing happened?

These are the moments where your morals stand in line. You know hooking up with Rafe, who all the pouges hate and you can’t blame them.

The sneaking around is fun and the sex is amazing.

It’s completely wrong.

Your typical forbidden love, Romeo and Juliet type shit.

But is it even love?

It’s a simple summer fling, but you know it’s more than that.

─── ʚɞ ⋅ ᯓᡣ𐭩 ⋅ ୨୧ ──

I got pt.2 in my drafts all ready to go 😈

Sorry for any typos.

Yall ate up my first smut 😲

[strongheartneteyam]

[ all credits of the Neteyam pic go to the incredibly talented @cinetrix ♡]

Champagne Problems

Part 2

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: neteyam is a simp for reader, black cat gf/golden retriever bf "trope", a whole lot of angst, beach party, use of alcohol, some romantic comedy vibes, neteyam acting a bit cocky lol, reader is a tiny bit of a meanie towards neteyam, sexual language, sexual content, reader is a bit antisocial, flirting, emotionally unavailable bc of trauma reader, unrequited love (neteyam is the one having the unrequited feelings), sexual tension, commitment issues, exophilia, size kink, interspecies relationship, bad words. Hit me up to lemme know if I forgot something ahaha

Reader is slightly older than Neteyam, for only 2 years.

Neteyam and Reader (AI Art)

Do you guys remember the story inspired by Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift that I promised like ages ago? Well... The first part is here? 🤓 A lot of people seemed to be excited to read this when I posted that sneak peak. Hope you guys like it! kiss kiss 💗

Slightly proofread.

Part 1 : Say Yes to Heaven

𓇼

If you dance, I'll dance

And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

Give peace a chance

Let the fear you have fall away

I've got my eye on you

(...)

Say yes to Heaven, say yes to me

Say Yes To Heaven (Lana Del Rey)

𓇼

"It's not like you're not gonna break me in half if we try to get down and dirty." You laugh a bit too much, the alcohol invading your brain slowly, making you care less and less about behaving in a "socially acceptable" way. Though you wondered if your not-a-bit-elegant-honesty mattered at all to Neteyam Sully, the na'vi boy sitting in the maroon leather couch, by your side, his huge size making the couch look ridiculously small. He was na'vi, after all. Totally different culture. The na'vi were way more upfront about their real thoughts and feelings.

Neteyam had been talking loudly, almost yelling, at your ear for the past 40 minutes, trying to make his voice sound louder than the party's music, so you could hear him try to convince you to hook up with him. As if the loud uplifting songs that echoed in the salty air of that Metkayina beach were not enough to bug your tired head, now you had Neteyam helping your headache get worse.

"That doesn't mean you can't let me take you home. Or even let me make you my mate, eventually, if we end up falling in love while we fuck under the starry sky. You might like laying with me in my hammock and letting me pleasure you more than you think. Maybe you'll want to be my girl once you get a taste of this na'vi spice" He was joking around with you while flirting.

His thick, muscular but still fleshy thighs were spread on the sofa way too much to your liking. It was almost like he was trying to show you how masculine or desirable - some bullshit like that - he was. You know, that kind of thing a lot of guys usually do when trying to seduce you.

You knew Neteyam was aware he was handsome, that his body was attractive. He had always had girls - na'vi and human - all over him since he was a teen, drooling over his beauty.

But if he thought his loverboy flirting that must have worked so easily with just way too many girls before was gonna work that easily with you, he was mistaken.

Okay, you had to admit he was being pretty insistent, though. Neteyam had been there for almost an hour already. You did not understand what was making him insist that much on you if you had an armor as impenetrable as the one of a human warrior of the Middle Ages, back on Earth. And those armors were really hard to get under.

"Listen" you took a last big sip of your champagne and put the glass cup on the wooden table next to the sofa "When you gonna give up, honey? It's not gonna work. I'm not hooking up with you." You looked him in the eyes.

Goddamn, were his orbs big compared to the ones of a human. 

They were beautiful, though.

Damn, (y/n)! Focus, girl!

"I'm known among my people for being disciplined, focused and getting what I want because I fight hard for it. You're my focus now, tawtute." (human) I'm not giving up on you. You're like my Ikran. You're wild and hard to get but I'll conquer you, sevin tawtute." (pretty human) "On the first try."

"Cocky much?" You smirked and shook your head in disapproval "No, but, seriously, Neteyam, are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten about tsaheylu? I don't have a neurological queue, babe. I know I have many braids in my hair," You pointed out your hairstyle "but they're all regular human braids. None of them have little tendrils on its tip. Sorry, Neteyam. We're Romeo and Juliet. And Juliet doesn't even love Romeo in this story. You're deemed to heartbreak." You said, like you could not care less about his attempts to win you over, sipping on your sparkling champagne, that went down your throat comfortably, making you feel cozy and safe. It wasn't gonna work, anyway.

You liked champagne a bit too much... you had to admit it was very possible that you had a bit of a drinking problem. Alcohol made you feel warm inside. In an emotional way too. It felt like someone was hugging you, when you would not let many real people hug you because you just were not exactly enthusiastic about having physical contact with just anyone. You only let your closest friends and some family members, like your little sister, hug you. 

Some people would often call you "cold" and say that you acted "like a queen, above everyone else", behind your back, but that could not be further from the truth. You actually hated how low your actual self steem was.

"Why don't you look at Munì?" You mentioned the curvy, tall, blue eyed Metkayina girl who clearly had a mad crush on Neteyam. She was incredibly pretty. Nobody could deny that. "She has been drooling over you ever since you got here. Give the poor girl a chance. She's such a cutie. If I liked girls, I'd easily do her. Look at those beautiful, long, toned legs. Look at her wide hips. Damn, she's yummy!" you were drinking too much, your honesty getting way too out there.

"I don't want her. I want you." He spoke, like he really meant it. "My hammock will be hanged between those two big trees you like to collect fruits from. I'll be waiting for you, if you want to meet me."

With that last line being said, Neteyam got up from the sofa and walked away, swiftly finding his younger brother Lo'ak and tapping on his back, like men usually do. Both brothers started what looked like an interesting conversation.

You were left alone wondering how Neteyam could say those words and walk away so nonchalantly. 

"Phew! I thought he'd never leave, girlie." Adeline screamed, coming closer to you.

She was your best friend. You guys knew way too much about each other, but that only drove you closer and made you two have a beautiful bond that felt unbreakable. She was one of the few people in the world you trusted with many of your secrets. But not even she knew everything about you. Yes, talk about trust issues…

"God, I was about to call his sister to take him away! Kiri is much more chill and quiet compared to her siblings. She's a sweetheart." You said, finally letting your guard down and being able to relax your body language, laying back on the couch and resting your bare feet on the wooden dark brown table in front of you

𓇼

You cursed yourself while you walked towards Neteyam's big light brown hammock, hanged between two big beautiful trees that reminded you of the Palm Trees that used to exist on Planet Earth.

Why were you doing that, anyway?

"Tawtute! You came." Neteyam smiled, relief all over his face 

You sighed.

"Yeah, but I'm still wondering why I did."

"Ouch!" He put his huge four fingered hand on his chest and frowned, like he was in pain

You rolled your eyes at him.

"Stop that, silly." Crossing your arms, you walked towards the big tropical tree in front of his hammock but still a little far

"Hey! Where are you going?" Neteyam almost screamed as you were already further away from him than you should be if you were actually gonna have sex with him

It was like you were running away from and showing up to the "job" at the same time. Go figure out.

You rested your back against that large tree, feeling the rough edges of the wood harassing your skin.

Neteyam was already almost there where you were. His long na'vi legs helped him walk faster than you anticipated.

Neteyam got next to you. You felt a little fear but a bit of excitement, simultaneously, when you realized your head only reached his hip.

Fuck, he was a giant next to you… why the hell did that turn you on?

"Are you afraid of me, yawntutsyìp?" (little loved one) Neteyam said in a lewd, low voice as you looked at him, feeling like a pathetic little ant looking up at a human

Was that how ants felt?

"No, silly, I'm not." You looked away from him and tried to focus on the way the eclipse had beautiful violet and blue tones

That almost worked. If it wasn't for Neteyam using his huge alien hand to stroke your hair softly.

"You're so pretty, tawtute." You could feel his gaze directed at you, you could feel his heat burning your skin. The desire he felt for you was almost freaking tangible. 

You kept your eyes on the stars.

"You're not gonna look at me, yawntutsyìp? Lemme see those pretty eyes, hmm?" Fuck, he was turning you on so much, your pussy felt good already and there was a tight knot forming in your lower belly. How did he do that to you with so little effort?

You looked up at Neteyam's face, your neck hurting. You did not expect to see a big bulge under his navy blue loincloth, though. Neteyam was so huge you could not help staring and your face totally betrayed your surprise.

"C'mon, I wanna feel your tiny body on mine." He paused and his big blue hand traced your collarbone and your shoulders "You're so small, tawtute… Hmmm…" he let out something between a moan and a growl "So soft too." Neteyam squeezed your arm, feeling your soft human flesh against his slender fingers "I love how different from na'vi girls you are. I'm so lucky to have you all to myself tonight."

Your breath was now labored and your pussy was soaked. Your poor panties were all wet.

"I'm dying to squeeze those titties. They look incredibly soft. But I won't do anything that intimate before you say "yes" first, yawntutsyìp."

•

Taglist:

@yeosxxx (u asked to be tagged in all my writings so I'm tagging u here hehe)

Comments are very welcome. I love all of you who take time to read my writings ♡ Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. If you wanna be added to the taglist, just leave a comment down below <3

[octuscle]

My professor gave me a zero on my essay for no reason! I did the work! When I asked him why he said that it was because I was a jock and jocks always fail his class. It’s time for payback!

Seriously, what do you expect from a professor of German studies named Dr. Kurt-Heinrich Schulte Obermeier? He's a Westphalian lateral thinker with Prussian discipline oozing from his every pore. Immaculate hairstyle, perfectly fitting suits, first-class pressed shirts. Handkerchief and tie always coordinated with great taste. A luminary in matters of German post-war literature. And an asshole as a professor.

I am a natural scientist. Sort of. According to my self-image as a support staff member. I'm of the opinion that the world isn't a worse place with one less Germanist in it. If he spends his time on meaningful things instead of Günther Grass.

When he wakes up the next morning, he feels fresh and rested. Dr. Kurt Obermeier is one of the youngest research assistants to have ever worked at your university. He is cool. He knows he's clever. But he's a good tutor and even if he's always dressed a bit stuffy, you can have fun with him. Rather atypical for a German studies student, you can even meet him in the sports bar in the evening. When the German soccer league is on.

Curt Meier is a WASP like no other. Although half of him is not Anglo-Saxon but German. That's why he decided to study business administration and German studies. Out of pure interest. He doesn't need to earn any money anyway, he lives off his parents' money. And he lives off the occasional modeling job. Curt is New England incarnate. Cultured, educated. And in his beauty, he is unfortunately also a little boring. But what do you expect from someone who plays cricket?

Yo, dude! Check it out, this Curtis Meyers guy, man, he's like, totally not fitting in at the uni, you know? Button-down shirts? Rugby shirts? That ain't his vibe at all. He's all about football jerseys, bro. But honestly, he only throws those on when he has to. In German studies? Forget about it. The professor thinks he's gotta dress fancy? Ridiculous, man! If they kicked him out for that, he'd be damn happy. He only picked this damn major 'cause he thought it was gonna be all about Thor and Wotan and all those badass demigods, you feel me? They're awesome. But Rilke and Heine? Hell no. And their language, man! Who the hell came up with that? Must've had a sunstroke that day, dude. Oh, and what's up with the sun? Time to link up with the boys and toss some balls on the field...

Mike Curtis hated university, man. Those snobby dudes there were just dumbasses and annoying as hell. Too dumb to take out the trash properly. Too lazy to clean up their own mess. Keeping the campus clean was a crappy job. He especially hated that German Studies building. Full of stuck-up know-it-alls. All a bunch of weaklings. Supposedly Mike had some German great-grandfather or something. What a load of crap! What kind of dumbass has two last names? Anyway, Mike supposedly got his German looks from him. Also bullshit! That was all sweat and hard work in the gym. Mike didn't inherit nothing. He earned everything he got. And he was damn proud of it!

Mike is not a jock in the strict sense of the word. But certainly more than Professor Dr. Schulte Obermeier. I don't think you have anything more to fear from him, Bro. As long as you separate the garbage properly.

[ronwestbreeze]

TO YOU , WORLDS AWAY | PART ONE : CHAPTER ONE

pairing: jake sully x human!fem!reader

summary: in which the story starts and finds you in a place of malevolence. a reluctant return to hell's gate leads you to meeting jake sully

warnings: none!

word count: 3.6k

author's note: finally posting this! there's no schedule for how i'm going to release these but i hope to be at least consistent! just no demanding me to post the next chapter or to finish, that doesn't help much with writing. anyways, hope you guys enjoy!

italics is speaking in na'vi

AO3 | masterlist | next

Powder covered your hands by the time the radio next to you came to life. Last time that radio came on, Dr. Grace Augustine had, very heatedly, called on you to fix one of the link units. Some genius had thought it was a good idea to kick at it in anger, knocking a few wires loose. Didn’t do any real damage but that guy never slipped into another link unit again. He’d have Grace to thank for that. And his temper.

That had been months ago. You hadn’t been back in Hell’s Gate since then.

Surprisingly enough, it was Trudy. “Hey, Doc. Mind comin’ to look at one of the computers in the lab? I think one of those science geeks broke a monitor or somethin’.”

Without looking up from your work, you reply, “Then buy a new one. My job is to fix shit, not consult about some stupid monitor.”

There were muffled voices further away as the radio cut in and out a few times. Seconds later, Trudy finally spoke again, “Uh, my bad, it’s not a monitor. It’s some….uh…power box, I guess. Glitched out on the geeks, now they don’t have power in a few of the computers.”

It took a moment for you to respond. Both because of the weak radio signal in the middle of the forest and because you had to take a few moments to program your newly robotic arm helper to finish off your new invention, which you had been working on for nearly half a year now. Project Pandora is what you called it.

“Trudy,” you finally say, picking up the radio and pushing the chair away from the desk and toward the small window on the other side of the little space, “why are you, a pilot no less, asking me about computers in a lab?”

There is a hesitant silence on the other end. But after listening closely, you realized there was another muffled conversation going on further away, one that the radio couldn’t really pick up.

Eventually, Trudy’s voice reached the radio again. “I told you she’d see right through it.” It sounded as if she was talking to someone and that someone was muttering something further away from the radio. Trudy sighed before continuing, “Look, Doc. I’m gonna be blunt with you. Parker’s too much of a pussy to do it himself so he got me in here to reach you.”

You clicked your tongue, “Why am I not surprised.”

“He’s scared of you.”

“More than Grace?”

There were louder muffles, almost audible if not for the static from the radio. “Parker wants you back at the gate…and to tell you that he’s not scared of you.”

After a while, the radio finally cut off and you sat there. Outside the little window was the forest of Pandora, your view for the past few months. And really, you would like to keep it that way from now on. Being away from Hell’s Gate has brought you a sense of peace and a sense of forgetting. Although, the forgetting was harder said than done.

No matter what you did, there was nothing that could make you forget what these humans were doing to Pandora, what they planned to do, what they already had done. It was a bunch of bullshit really. The RDA complained that they weren’t making any progress with the Na’vi, the people of  Pandora, while at the same time attacking them and threatening to take over the land by wiping out the indigenous.

You had come here to learn about this species and quite possibly one day live among them, not take over. Which is why you separate yourself from Hell’s Gate after the incident. But it seemed no matter what you did to keep away from them, somehow you were always brought back in.

It had to be him behind it. That man was stubborn enough to keep you in his control just as you were stubborn enough to find any way to stay far away from that place.

“Doc?” Trudy’s voice came in through the radio. With a frown, you looked back at your robotic arm and the invention, deep in thought. “You there?”

With a sigh, you replied, “There’s no other engineers up there? Mechanics?”

“Most of them are workin’ on those AMPs. Parker wants you. The best of the best, you know?”

You frown, “Doesn’t sound as great as it did years ago.”

“Don’t think too much about it. You’ll be in and out. Then you’ll get to go back to your little lab in the woods and stay secluded like the hermit that you are.” Trudy teased in an attempt to lighten your mood. And you did try to smile at the joke, just a little bit, but the thought about going back, about stepping your foot back into that place, somehow he’d win.

“I could say no.” You try, even though you were getting up and sliding your boots on. “Tell him to find some other unfortunate engineer to do his shit.”

“You could.” Trudy agreed. “That would definitely make Parker pop a vein. But if we sent in someone else that isn’t you, it sure as hell wouldn’t get done quickly or right. So there’s that.”

“Hmm, I’d say let them rot.” You grumble as you grab your mask and place it on your face.

Trudy laughed on the other end as you stepped out of the lab. The air was fresh on your skin but poisonous to your lungs. Still, it did feel somewhat nice stepping out of your stuffy lab for once. Being surrounded by beautiful forest. The beauty of Pandora still never failed to amaze you despite your grim attitude as of lately. There was something so special about this planet, something you never felt on your home planet, Earth.

You just wished the circumstances were different.

“You’re a genius, Doc.” Parker praised as you closed the power box.

“Is that all?” You asked dryly, rolling your sleeve back down as you began leaving the dark room.

The administrator followed after you as you sauntered through the halls, ready to go back to the forest and your private lab. “Yeah, well, I believe that should be all. I knew you could do it the best too, my guys are useless when it comes to this stuff.”

“Stop kissing ass, Selfridge.” Both you and Parker turned to find Grace waltzing down the hall toward the two of you. A smirk was on her lips when her eyes landed on you. “Tinkers! Never thought I’d see you come out of your little hole. How long has it been? Three? Four months?”

Despite where you were, you gave a small smile, “Hi Grace.”

Parker excused himself immediately much to your relief, going back to his usual spot, which was overseeing all the link units of the Avatar Program. You raised your brows at how quickly he left but you figured it was mostly because he didn’t want to hear Grace go on and on about the beauties of Pandora. Parker was the type of guy who only cared about what profited him the most. And the last thing he wanted to hear was how innocent everything was. Would make him lose track of the most important goal.

And for that, you despised that man. Parker must’ve sensed your dislike for him and found it intimidating, especially when it came to calling on you for favors such as fixing an electric power box.

Behind her were three other men. One of which you knew by Dr. Patel, the other two you guessed were new.

Grace crossed her arms, not bothering to introduce the two other males behind her as she spoke in a lowered voice, “Coming back this time around?”

You shook your head, “No. Just here for a small fixer upper. I should be heading back soon actually.”

“You sure?” Grace then gestured to the two behind her, giving you an exasperated look, “Could really use someone familiar out there. To the land and the people.” You didn’t respond right away which the scientist noticed. “Forget about Quaritch, you know you want to get back out there. Your avatar’s waiting—”

“Who's the newbies?” You addressed Dr. Patel, earning a glare from Grace at your efforts of quickly changing the conversation. It was something you definitely weren’t going to discuss here and especially in front of the new people who were watching the two of you a little too closely for your liking.

Dr. Patel smiled at you in greeting before gesturing to the two other men. “This is Norm Spellman, our new biologist for the team. Fellas, this is Dr. Y/N L/N, our best engineer at RDA.”

The tall lanky one stepped forward and offered his hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Doctor, I’ve actually heard a lot about your work here. Well, your mother’s work, I should say.” Grace rolled her eyes as you tried not to wince at the mention of your mother. But of course, Norm didn’t notice and kept going, “Also, very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a brilliant mind, the best of our kind—”

“Alright, Spellman.” Grace gave him a pointed look before nodding over to the man in the wheelchair, “You remember Tom Sully? Well, this is his worse half, Jake Sully. He’s unfortunately replacing Tom in the program.”

“Thank you for that, Gracie.” Jake retorted just as quickly.

“Fuck off.” Grace glared and nudged your side. “Ignore him, I do.”

Yes, you did hear about this. Tom’s unfortunate death led them to scramble for a quick replacement. You never met Tom yourself so you never had much of an attachment to him. Neither did Grace but you could tell that wasn’t the only thing annoying her. If you had to guess, Jake was probably drastically different from his late brother and Grace didn’t have much patience for that.

Still, you offered him a kind smile. “Ma’am.” He nodded to you, offering his own hand which you shook.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sully.” You glanced from a pensive Grace to Jake. “I imagine you know a lot about the program similar to your brother.”

Jake tilted his head, “I watched a Netflix special once.”

Grace scowled, Dr. Patel coughed to cover a smile, and Norm shifted on his feet awkwardly, watching the two of them.

You found yourself grinning for the first time in a while., “I don’t know, Augustine. I kind of like him. “

Grace rolled her eyes, “Whatever. We’re heading over to the link units. It’s about time the two of you get acquainted with your avatar form.” She then addressed you but in Na’vi surprisingly. “And when will you bring out yours? Don’t try to change the subject this time, Tinkers.”

Feeling Jake’s curious and confused gaze on the two of you, you answer in a quick hiss, “Drop it.” Then you turned to Jake and smiled, “S’ nice to meet you, Mr. Sully—”

“Jake.” He nodded toward you with a little smile of his own. “You can call me Jake.”

Your smile grew, “Alright, Jake. Welcome to Pandora.” She pointed at Grace with her thumb, “Don’t let her ruin the experience, yeah? She can be a little twitchy sometimes.”

“Go back to your hole, Tinkers!” Grace called over her shoulder as she continued down  the hall with Norm and Dr. Patel following after her.

“Right up your ass, Augustine!” You shot back with a smirk before sending Jake a wink.

Jake, despite his previous stoic expression, found himself grinning at you. “Nice to meet you, L/N.”

“Y/N.” You corrected, moving around him to head the opposite direction. “Or Doc, either way, don’t be so formal. Especially with me.”

He nodded, “I’ll make sure to remember that.”

With that, you watched as he rolled away in the direction the others went. Once the company was gone, your shoulders sagged a bit, slightly exhausted from the small interaction and because of the busy environment of Hell’s Gate as you made your way out of it.

Just as you were about to reach outside and grab your mask, one of the soldiers, Wainfleet, blocked your exit while sitting in one of those AMPs.

“Doc! Leaving so soon?” He grinned down at you.

“Move, dipshit.” You say bluntly, gripping the mask in your hands while glaring up at him.

He shrugged, grinning cockily down at her. “Can’t do that, Doc. Colonel heard you crawled out of your little hole you’ve been hiding in the past few months. He wants to see you.”

“Tell him to eat shit, ya know, like in all the messages I replied to.”

When you tried going around him, he stepped in your way, aggravating you more.

“Look, cupcake. We could either do this the easy way or the hard way. Easy way, you go and see Colonel yourself or hard way I drag your tiny ass over there.”

At this point, the more you gripped at the mask, the more it was possible it could break in your grasp. So you hooked your mask back onto your belt, seething eyes never leaving Wainfleet. It was possible to shut down the AMPs in your current height. You’d done it before but it was with someone who lacked experience controlling those things.

Wainfleet on the other hand was often training himself in them, which would lead to a more difficult and quite possible deadly attempt at escape.

Which meant, unfortunately, you didn’t have much of a choice.

With your dignity burying itself into the ground, you followed Wainfleet further into the Armor Bay where multiple more AMPs were lined up along with the ships and planes the pilots controlled.

When you arrived at the small gym room where Quaritch was currently benching, Wainfleet left you alone but you didn’t move to further enter the room. All you did was scowl and stand in the doorway with crossed arms, waiting for him to acknowledge you.

And you knew he knew you were there.

“I was wondering when we’d get the chance to talk again.” Quaritch finally said, putting down the weights as he sat up. He grabbed a towel next to him and began wiping the sweat off his sweat. “Are you finally done with your tantrum?”

He wanted you to snap, rise to the provoking. But you remained silent, your jaw clenching just a bit as your eyes narrowed in on him. Quaritch was watching you closely as well, probably waiting for you to react.

“Ah, the silent treatment. Guess I should’ve expected that too.” He threw the towel to the side before looking up at you with a smirk. “Thought you made a vow never to set foot in here again. Made a whole dramatic scene about it too—”

“What do you want?” You ask simply.

Quaritch now scowled at your indifference or rather rebellion, you couldn’t really tell. “I want you to get your act together. I don’t have time for you throwing fits like a child because you don’t get your way. This is a mission, Doc, and your job is to—”

“My job was to help the people.” You hissed, stepping only a few feet into the room. “To build a connection with them. That was your orders. That’s what you asked me to do. And what does the RDA do? Fuck it all up by shooting a bunch of Na’vi, leaving them for dead!”

Quaritch rolled his eyes, “You’re still on that?”

You seethed, “You don’t even understand what you did! You would think thinking smartly would crossed your thick fucking skull—”

“That’s enough from you!” He barked in his Colonel voice. “Disrespect me like that again and I will boot you right off of this planet as fast as I got you on it, you hear me?”

“Do it then.” You challenged, hands shaking from anger. “You’ve had plenty of times to get rid of me. If you find me so much of a problem, why am I still here?”

You half expected him to keep shouting at you, yell at you into submission like he does his subordinates. But instead, Quaritch chuckled as he stood up. “Moments like this, you remind me of your father. Good man, acted just like you. Which was what made him the best soldier. Which made him a good captain.”

He was changing the conversation, he was trying to have power over you without being forthright about it. He had done this before whenever you tried arguing, it was his way of shutting you down without getting into a fight.

“You’re a smart cookie, Doc. And I know you’re smart enough to realize your value to this team. To the program.” He flashed his white teeth at you. “You and I both know I can’t get rid of you that easily. And I won’t. I made a vow after all.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, wondering just where this conversation was going. Every time he brought up that damned vow it usually was followed by something for her to do. A favor. Something to keep her distracted.

“So let’s put the whole past to rest—”

“I rather not—” Quaritch cut you off just as fast as you did.

“And focus on the current future. Have you met Corporal Sully?”

You frown, suddenly remembering Jake’s charming smile. “What, he’s your new little puppet now?”

Quaritch wasn’t phased by the comment as he sat back down on the bench, “He’s got promise that kid. I tasked him to get to know the Na’vi people and learn their ways, to gain information for me.” You scoffed in disbelief as he continued. “Since you’re so well versed in their culture, I want you to give him some pointers. A tutor if you will.”

“Like hell I will—”

“And yes, you can decline.” Quaritch began lifting the weights again, “And then the RDA can take your little secluded lab away, destroying everything you’ve worked on. I’m sure that would be smart.”

This was where you had to control yourself. Your reaction. Your anger. You remembered a certain project that you were just nearly done with. Something you had been working on dedicatedly ever since the incident. If Quaritch or any of the RDA were to discover it, you were sure you would be exiled back to Earth.

Or quite possibly killed.

“What do you say, kid?” Quaritch noticed your silence.

With a scowl, you gritted out, “Fine.”

From the bench, the Colonel grinned, “Good girl! Now we can really get to work!” He placed the weight back down and stood, “Let’s go tell Sully the good news.”

When arriving in the link room, you lingered behind while Quaritch approached one of the link beds that was just opening. Jake happened to be in that one as he sat up, immediately spotting the Colonel walking toward him.

“Sir.” Jake greeted, briefly glancing your way for a moment longer before turning back to the Colonel.

Quaritch nodded in greeting and gestured to you, “I assume you’ve already met, Dr. L/N, the best of the best in the Avatar Program.”

“What do you want, Quaritch?” Grace cut in as she pushed open her own link bed. She noticed the angered look on your face and raised her brows, silently questioning you.

“She’s going to be showing the ins and outs of the Na’vi, she’ll give you some pointers to better prepare yourself for the program.” Quaritch winked as he clapped his hand on your shoulder. “You do best following her lead, might keep you alive, Corporal.”

Jake nodded, eyes alight, “Will do, sir.”

Quaritch’s grip on your shoulder tightened, “Take care of our boy, will you, Doc.”

Carefully, you reply, “He’s in good hands…sir.”

Grace narrowed her eyes at you while Jake frowned, finally noticing your change in behavior compared to your earlier brighter demeanor.

Satisfied, Quaritch gave you another rough pat on your back before leaving you with Grace, Jake, and as soon as he came out of his link bed, Norm.

“Tinkers.” Grace brought your attention back to her. She gave you a meaningful look before speaking in Na’vi, “What happened?”

Instead of responding to her, you nodded toward the three with an impassive expression, “I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

You needed some time away, to calm down, to reevaluate some things. If only you had left as quickly as you had planned to, none of this would have occurred. You wouldn’t be feeling so helpless right now as you stalked through the halls, practically glaring at everything around you. At this rate, you wished that bastard dropped you back on Earth. At least you would be far away from this shit.

“Hey, Doc!”

A part of you wanted to just keep going and ignore Jake Sully when he called for you. But you stopped anyway despite yourself and turned to find him rolling toward you.  He stopped a few feet away from you, frowning at your guarded behavior. “I know I’m not well informed about all of this the way you’d like but I’m sure I can catch on fast—”

“Let’s get one thing very clear, Sully. I know you’re working with Quaritch. I know you’re planning on lying to them, gaining information for him to use or whatever the hell he’s planning. I don’t want any part of it.” You shoved your hands into your pants pockets glaring at the surprised man. “You’ve aligned yourself with a dangerous man, Sully. I hope you understand what you’re doing here.”

Just as you turned to walk away, Jake called out to you again, “So is that your advice then? As my tutor?”

 “No. Not all of it.” You glanced over your shoulder at him and shrugged, “Try not to die, Jake.”

taglist: @luvvfromme @sully-stick-together @dazedshoon

[restinslices]

If Kuai Liang Was A Sub

This has been sitting on my docs and for whatever reason, I didn’t post it. Anyway imma make the same disclaimer I did for Bi-Han’s part. I am a virgin. I get zero bitches. Absolutely zero play. Take everything I say with a grain of salt and if you think it’s inaccurate then damn. Idk. Minors MOOOOVEEE.

I feel like unlike Bi-Han, he'd be way more accepting of his role. Bi-Han is like, "sub? could never be me!", and Kuai Liang is like "yeah, absolutely"

I could see foreplay being his thing. To him, what adds up to sex is just as important as sex. 

Honestly I think he'd see all parts of sex as equally important. The leading up to, the actual act, and the aftercare. 

Remember when I said Bi-Han pissed you off on purpose because he enjoyed punishments? I don't think Kuai Liang would be like that. 

Don't get me wrong, he could do stupid shit at times or break rules but I feel like it'd legit be on accident. 

Like you'd tell him he can't touch you as you ride him, but he'd completely forget that and do it anyway. 

Your pleasure to him would be the most important. If he doesn't cum, it's a bummer. But you not cumming? Absolutely not. 

He moans loudly and gasps. idk why I get this vibe, but I do. 

He's also shameless. I feel like if someone was like "I heard you having sex last night", Bi-Han would be confrontational. Tomas would be embarrassed. Kuai Liang would apologize but would turn around and ask you to fuck him harder this time. 

Because let's bffr, what is anyone gonna do to him? 

He'd be into being tied up by his own ropes. It'll be all he could think of when he's using them in other situations and honestly? Gets him determined to return home to you. 

Kinks I'd think he'd have would be restraints, overstimulation, roleplay, orgasm control, praise and/or degradation (idk if he'd like one over the other. pick whichever you like), and dare I say a knife kink?

Obviously don't fucking stab him but some threatening? He's into it. 

He loves making you feel good and loves when you use him to make yourself feel good 

Adding onto that, idk why but he's giving "ride me in my sleep" energy. consensually of course, this would obviously be something discussed. 

I can't put my finger on why, but I just really feel like he'd enjoy waking up to you using him. Maybe he enjoys the thought that you constantly want him. Once again though, this would be something discussed beforehand. Don't just try this shit at home. This would require lots of talks, boundaries, knowing when it'd be ok, shit like that. imma say it again, do not randomly try this shit. 

A punishment I think he'd hate is not being able to touch you. He'd be away a lot on Liu Kang's orders, so when you're together he wants to touch you so he remembers it when he's away. When you're having sex, he especially wants to touch you. So you saying "no" would be hard for him

I know we're mainly talking about sex but I think it'd be more than that for him. I'm not saying you control everything he does but this man is probably stressed out all the time. He has two brothers who have constant beef (which is one sided fr), he's probably still missing his dad, he's constantly risking his life for others, and life just has a lot of bullshit going on. 

Serving Earthrealm means he's always doing stuff for other people. So sometimes he likes when you're the one choosing what he'll do for the day because he knows you'll pick stuff that would benefit him. Does that make sense?

Like, non sexually you may say “hey I want you to go take a long bath, then put some clothes on. I already have the water and your clothes ready”. Shit like that. Don't get it misconstrued, you're not becoming his mom. You're just taking more of a leadership role, which he appreciates. 

Sexually though, it'd tie into orgasm control. You'd tell him what to do, where to touch, when to stop, where to look, etc. He knows whatever you're having him do is to make him feel good. To put himself first, which he has a hard time doing. 

I'm not saying y'all don't have straight “I'm tryna fuck” type of sex, but I think he'd enjoy some soft stuff occasionally. Helps him relax. 

As for aftercare I think unlike Bi-Han, he'd enjoy talking after. Especially depending on what was going on. 

Softer sex probably results in cuddling then talking about whatever. Something more intense would include a breather, checking in, then whatever else he needs. Sometimes it's a bath immediately, sometimes it's playing with his hair to bring him back down. 

Sometimes it's you reminding him that he's doing his best. Sex can be a good way to relieve tension, but it's not a permanent fix. You like to remind him that he's a good person and sometimes bad shit happens to good people. Just a nice deep chat. 

He gives me “I'm tryna find my wife” at the club vibes, idk. is that outta line?😭

He's not as soft as Tomas but he's not as hardheaded as Bi-Han. He's a nice in between. 

Y’all already know Tomas is next. Stay tuned

[petrssecrethideout]

"Bro, do you wanna hear about something crazy?"

"I mean sure, go ahead,"

"Alright, so I was just relaxing, scrolling TikTok,"

"Already a bad idea."

"I know, I got beef with that fuckin' algorithm let me tell you. I follow a couple of bodybuilders, post a couple of gym vids and suddenly my For you page is filled with the biggest assholes alive. Anyway, I'm scrolling, and I see this guy, he's doing that whole 'alpha top dog' thing even though he's not that big."

"Okay wait pause, how big is not that big?"

"I don't know, I have more muscle in my arms than he has in his whole body, real gym influencer type."

"Alright, for anyone listening to the pod at home, I should probably just say that this guy could be anywhere from 150-300 pounds from Dale's description of him, okay? He's not good at judging what normal guys look like anymore."

"Yeah, okay, you got me. Anyway, this guy keeps going on about his great advice, so I stick around to hear it. You wanna know what he said? 'Stop Cumming, its killing your natural testosterone' What kind of bullshit is that!?"

"I mean that is a big part of the current fitness world, these guys will say anything to get more followers, and a lot of their followers are so desperate for progress that they'll take whatever advice they're given."

"It's a shame, because he's also wrong! I tried that whole 'No Nut Whatever' and its been the only time in these last 5 years that I've plateaued."

"... Really?"

"Yeah! If I'm not cranking a load out every day I can kiss any potential gains goodbye."

"Wait,"

"Like after my workouts, when I got a huge pump going, I just have to crank one out, like what good workout would it be if I didn't"

"Dale c'mon,"

"And its not like I can just hit up a guy on Grindr and go to town every time I need to, there aren't enough guys on Grindr for that."

"Uggggh dude, we are never getting a sponsor with you talking like this."

"What, so all the straight alpha dudebros can talk about semen retnetion and get a ton of followers, but I get censored for talking about jacking off and getting tons of ass?"

"Yeah, we will."

"Well then, listeners, go subscribe to the patreon so that I can talk about my actual tips for growing, and so that you can help Mark get bigger. I'm telling you, I'm gonna make this boy huge with your help. Audio listeners make sure to check the videos so you can see this boy get huge. Now bro, help me out here. You don't want those Tiktok gymfluencers to win do you? How often are you jerkin off?"

"Oh god I can't believe I'm answering this... A couple of times a week maybe?"

"A week? That's fucking crazy. My average is like 4-5 times a day. More if I'm really feeling horny. If I'm being honest I jerked off a few weeks ago on the pod, like I forgot to before I came here. One of the comments mentioned something about my grunting that episode."

"Jesus christ dude, how do you even manage that?"

"Well, you gotta work up to it. I couldn't do that starting out, but once I started growing I was so horny I had to do something about it. I think that's what these guys don't get. You gotta get those balls working, give them a reason to keep making that sweet testosterone. How are you supposed to do that if you aren't jacking it? Honestly dude, I feel like I gotta prove these guys wrong now."

"What, you're gonna be a cum warrior?"

"Hell yeah man, I'm gonna be fighting the war on jerking it, on the side of jerking it!"

[otogariado]

mentioning LOST's church ending got me riled up about the racism in LOST again lol. i obviously am aware that some actors just did not return to production for possibly other reasons, but also especially in the case of harrold perrineau (michael dawson) he felt like his character (and walt, his son) was treated like shit by the writing. and he was absolutely right. i've already made posts about this (will try to dig them up later), but michael was treated absolutely bullshit and unfairly wrt the story. michael betrayed them and killed two people, yes, but what did he do it for but to protect his son? he felt like nobody gave enough fucks about walt and there was some truth to that claim. his whole character arc is about being a dad to walt and their improving relationship over the course of being stuck on the island, so of course he would do that. it just makes sense.

which is why i don't think it's all that fair to punish him for it immensely in the narrative. harrold perrineau said it himself that he didn't want michael and walt to be another case of the absent black father stereotype [citation needed, i'll look for it but he said it in an interview] yet that's what he ended up being anyway. after his and walt's escape from the island, apparently walt cast him away because he doesn't agree with what his father did—which i actually think its interesting to explore: walt disagreeing with michael's actions and trying to grapple with it, but i don't think separating him from his dad was the best writing choice to make. walt is being punished for caring about his son by making his son be the one to cast him away. you can argue it's supposed to be tragic, michael is supposed to be a tragic character, but with the context surrounding michael's character? there's better ways to make his character be tragic than this.

which brings me to his next punishment. i was happy to see michael again on the kahana (just happy to see him in general), but it didn't last long when he gets killed, sacrificing himself to prevent/prolong the kahana's explosion from happening. (put a 📌 on this bc it's similar to how sayid dies and we'll come back to that later.) michael dies here and walt doesn't know about this. and then michael joins as part of the whispers, his soul trapped on the island (presumably forever) and that's why he's not in the church ending.

i'm gonna be frank. michael being trapped on the island because of his guilt or remorse or perhaps repenting for his sins is just bullshit to me. a lot of characters seen in the flash sideways and in the church ending are characters who've done "bad things". it's bullshit to have michael be the only one doomed to pay for his misdeeds forever. his misdeeds for... killing two people. not that killing two people is Nothing, but moreso if you examine the circumstances it's hardly anything to be damned eternally for.

remember the 📌 we had wrt sayid and michael? both of them died trying to prevent an explosion from reaching everybody else. which makes this more egregious imo. i can say 1000 things about sayid's arc (points to url), but this is about michael and not him, so i'll just focus on this: sayid was grappling with "being a bad person" for torturing and killing so many people. he worked as an assassin for ben. and yet, somehow, you're telling me sayid is not being damned eternally for his misdeeds but michael is? if you don't see the BS in that i don't know what to tell you.

i'm also aware why some characters don't appear any more re:conflicts with their actors (or just availabilities or other reasons for declining to come back), but even then arguably any conflicts with harrold perrineau stemmed from a justified place because of how michael was treated.

i think mr eko had a more dignified arc (he's one of my fav characters, thematically speaking) and honestly he had some of the rawest shit i've ever heard:

I ask for no forgiveness father for I have not sinned, I have only done what I needed to do to survive. A small boy once asked me if I was a bad man, if I could answer him now I would tell him, that when I was a young boy I killed a man to save my brothers life. I am not sorry for this, I am proud of this. I did not ask for the life that I was given but it was given none the less, and with it I did my best.

but despite this it doesn't change the fact that his absence in the church ending is very noticeable. he had meaningful connections with charlie, with locke, and interestingly like michael he kind of parallels sayid but this time thematically through their arcs. sayid is constantly burdened with feeling like he's a bad person and resigning to it as some sort of self-fulfilled prophecy, but mr eko is very firm about how he sees himself as not necessarily a bad man, just a man whose hands were forced because of the cards he was dealt. i wish we could have seen a more direct parallel between them, because it would've been interesting. back to the main point: i think it's such a missed opportunity for mr eko to not be here. especially since even after his death, hurley was able to communicate with his ghost, showing that he still had connections with his fellow losties even long after his death.

ana lucia being "not ready to move on" is interesting. but ultimately you can't help but raise a few eyebrows at it anyway. you can argue that, unlike mr eko she died an unresolved death, but most of the LOST characters died with an unresolved death. (she was killed early.) that's the whole point of the sideways segments. so what makes ana lucia so different from the others? yeah she killed shannon, but that was completely a freak accident. her people (the tailies) were being picked off one by one by the other so she was understandably on edge. she was kind of a hated character but i think a lot of it is just racism and misogyny combined tbh. (LOST is...notorious for a lot of misogynistic character writing decisions.) ana lucia was just as complex and morally "ambiguous" as the rest of them. i find the decision to make her corrupt in the sideways segments interesting (negative). cz like, there was never any indication she was like this in real life. what does that corruption symbolize? because obviously that corruption is a key to why she "can't move on yet". what exactly is she supposed to be repenting for? they hinted at a possible direction her arc is going towards before killing her off, ie. her ultimately choosing not to kill "henry gale" because she no longer wants blood on her hands. again, in a way, she's just like sayid! someone who decided they'd turn away from ceaseless violence. only right afterwards she got killed. so what does she need repenting for so much that she's left out of the church ending? much to think about.

i don't really know how to conclude this post. but my main point is that the lack of these characters during the church ending is and has racist implications. (again, i understand the casting issues, but it's still a writing decision you can critique as a viewer at the end of the day). i'll try to find the old posts i made last year abt michael and mr eko and their parallels to sayid and link them here (and self reblog).

edit: go read/look up "burn it down". it details a lot of the behind the scenes mistreatment of the staff (including racism and sexism), including actors and writers. the quote from an interview from harold perrineau that i mentioned was also linked in a reblog. (post link)

[sameschmidtdiffname]

feeling a bit weird asking this request since i haven't actually seen anyone write such a thing, but i'd like to ask for something about the parent figure!mike (NOT SMUT OFC), maybe something he's the reader's father or brother or something, if it's not something you could write just ignore !!! (i'm also not a native speaker so i apologize if it sounds impolite i always have this problem :/)

Girl have you read my fics?? Do NAWT come on here talking about feeling weird for a request when I have written shit that's sending me to super hell with Jensen Ackles or whoever played the angel guy from Supernatural. (I hope that joke made sense, I'm not in that fandom </3)

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this!! Fresh off the press for you pookie <3 (BTW, your English js great and you weren't demanding at all!! Seriously, don't feel bad 😊)

Same Shit, Different Schmidt

Dad! Mike & Gender Neutral! Reader

(This gif always sends me, I'm sorry)

Summery: You are a stubborn ass and Mike is not here to put up with that shit. Where'd you get this attitude, anyways? Is it so hard to just listen?

Tags: No use of Y/N, Reader is Mike's child, this is lowkey a sequel to 'What's One More?' but that is absolutely not required to read this, sickness, reader almost passes out, slight angst, Mike takes care of reader, Mike has a come to Jesus moment, mentions of arguing, injury, underage drinking, Abby and Mike go at it at one point, just a cute lil drabble :)

Notes: it feels illegal to post something so short. Is this allowed?? Anyways, this was so cute to write! Definitely a new approach. I hope you guys like this! Thanks for the request anon, I always love getting them 💗

▪︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎

"I'm fine," you groaned emphatically, trying to to rise from the bed, musty from your body's sweat during the night.

"You are not fine, do not bullshit me," Mike scolded. His hands pressed you back onto the bed, his scowl growing as he feels your temperature through your moist shirt. "When did this start?"

"I told mom my throat hurt last night and she gave me some ibuprofen. It's seriously just a cold," you said, trying one more time to rise from the bed.

"You always get a sore throat before you get sick, have since you were a kid. When did the fever start?" His hand feels freezing against your clammy forehead, making you shy away to avoid the chills that threaten you.

"Not hot."

"You want me to call your mom so you can gaslight her, too?" His tone is firm and threatening. "Is there something you're trying to get away with here or...?"

"I have tech tonight for my show, I can't miss," you finally admit. You open your mouth to continue, but Mike quickly cuts you off.

"No. Out of the question," he said.

"Dad, I'll get in trouble-"

"You will get everyone else sick and then what? I said no," he said firmly. But when he sees the way you sink into the bed, eyes sad and finally accepting the situation, he thinks of your mother acting in a similar manner or Abby when she was your age with the same attitude. It makes him relent, pressing his lips tight together. "What do you need me to do?" He asked, voice softer as he strokes your cheek. Your eyes brighten for a moment, a smile breaking out. "You're not going, I'm just asking what I could do to help."

You sink into the bed once more, crossing your arms.

"My director is gonna hate me," you mumble.

"I will deal with her, or she will deal with me. I promise you one's better than the other," he said. At that you crack a smile, finally looking at him.

"Mom's not gonna be pleased either," you said.

"Mom's not gonna let you go either," he said. "I'm getting the thermometer and then I'm moving you to the living room so I can watch you better. You get control of the TV as your consolation prize."

You twirl your finger in the air, rolling your eyes as emit a mocking 'yay,' glaring at him as he shoots the same glare down at you, walking out of the room and slipping his phone out of his pocket to call your mother.

"How upset are they?" She asked on the other side of the phone. He could hear the office chatter going on around her as he searched through the cabinets for the supplements they kept in stock.

"They're not thrilled. Not planning my death yet, but it's coming," Mike huffed. "Is it elderberry that helps with sore throats?"

"Elderberry makes it worse after you get sick, helps before. Don't give them that," she said. There's a slight pause before she adds "You realize this attitude is inherited?"

"Oh," he groaned, sucking on his teeth. "I wasn't gonna throw you under the bus like that."

"I helped raise Abby, do not pin this on me," she laughed.

"I don't deny sickness," Mike said.

"I can name five seperate instances where you did," she countered. Mike froze for a moment, trying to remember. "Just go easy on them. Remember you're dealing with your kid."

"And yours," he countered.

"Supposedly," she teased.

"I'm pretty sure that was you I knocked up."

"But are you sure?"

"Well, there was that one time with your mom."

She laughed. "Have them text me when they can. I'll deal with director, she knows me better."

"Thanks. She terrifies me. Kinda get why they don't wanna miss," Mike admitted. With a quick laugh and a quicker goodbye, Mike clicks off the call, slipping the phone back into his pocket. He gathered the vitamins in a small cup, grabbed the other needed items and made his way back to the room that used to house his little sister.

"Okay, Mom's dealing with director and is willing to grab dinner of your choice if you'll-" Mike trails off at the sight of your empty bed, worry prickling through and tainting the annoyance rising in his chest. He calls your name, turning to look for you before his ears tune in on the shower running in the bathroom. He sighs, placing the items on your bedside table and making his way to the living room. All is well until about ten minutes after the water shuts off, when he heard a small but sure 'thud' ring from the room.

"Honey?" He called. Nothing.

He rises from his chair, his mind trying to remind himself to stay calm and not jump to its automatic thoughts of harm and anxiety as he walked quickly to the door.

"If you don't answer I'm coming in," he warned. The quiet groan on the otherside is all he needed to quickly open the unlocked door, trying not to panic as he catches sight of you curled up on the floor with your head between your knees.

"I'm fine," you said quietly. "Got dizzy." Your clothes are thrown on haphazardly and it's clear how disoriented you are. Your hair doesn't even look properly washed.

Mike's arms are comforting, familiar and protective as he carefully lifts you up, taking you to the couch as though you weigh nothing to him. When his mind is racing like this, you may as well not.

"What were you thinking?" He asked in a panicked voice. "I told you you weren't going."

"My director hates me and tech is like, our biggest practice. I can't miss," you insisted, barely able to stand the light shining through the open windows. The couch is cool against your skin, the old leather offering relief. Mike had brought it home a few years back, a surprise he'd found at a thrift store with your help. Still pricey but a Christmas gift for everyone in the house. Your mother shook her head as she finally agreed maybe the couch that was as old as her needed to be replaced.

"Your mom is dealing with her and she's gonna deal with you next if you don't listen to either of us," Mike said. He ran back to your room, collecting the items and returning to your side before you could even respond. "Can you just let us take care of you?"

Oh. Oh. Fine, okay. There it is. He hears it now, that point your mother had just been making.

As the thermometer takes longer than he'd like to beep, he sighs at the sight of you looking like death on the couch. "You get this attitude from me," he finally sighed. You raise your brow quizzically, waiting for him to continue. A soft noise emits from the device. Mike takes it from your mouth and scowls at the number that flashes back at him. He hands you a now room temperature cup of throat coat tea with three ibuprofen to help with the fever before he takes your hand.

"Did I tell you about the time your mother had to drag me to the emergency room for stitches on my forehead?" He asked, smiling. You snort, taking another sip of your drink. "It happened when you were little. I don't even think you were two. Abby was going out with this idiot and figured out how to take out the screen in her window so she could sneak out without any of us knowing. This girl was bad news, I mean-"

"Aunt Abby?" You asked.

"What? No. No, the girl she was going out with, Lisa Browning. Had her come home with a belly button piercing once, I wasn't happy about that. Anyways, Abby decided that she was going to this party one night and I'd found her bed empty halfway through the night while I was going to check on you. Well, I decided I was gonna wait for her in her room with the lights off until she got home. So I sat in front of her window and eventually got tired, so I shut my eyes. Figured it couldn't hurt. Took a couple hours, but eventually your mother woke up and my side of the bed was empty and she heard this loud as fuck noise from your aunts room. This is like four in the morning, mind you," he said. "So she jumped out of bed and heard your aunt yelling, saw some guy in dark clothes on the floor, open window and the lights are off, and she's still wiping sleep out of her eyes."

"Oh no," you groaned.

"Oh yes. Grabbed some metal Eiffel Tower thing on Abby's desk and just swung at my head. Hurt like a bitch," he laughed, you joining in as much as you could without hurting your throat. "It was a good hit. I think she realized it was me when I grabbed her ankle and hollered her name cause she stopped right after that. Wasn't too bad, but I wouldn't stop bleeding."

"So did Abby get in trouble?" You asked.

"Are you kidding? I was even more pissed, I chased her down the hallway after her girlfriend climbed in and fell on top of me. I was ready to kill her. Your mother had to drag me and her into the car, go back and grab you and deal with us screaming at each other all the way to the hospital. Not that I wanted to go, I was fine with just pressing a dishcloth to the thing and carrying on with my plan to rip my sister a new one. She had to threaten us both to actually get me inside, and I only conceded because I was too dizzy to object by that point. I think the nurses assumed she was insane. I mean, kid on her hip, dressed in pajamas with some drunk teenager bickering with a guy bleeding from his head at the crack of dawn. I'm surprised no one called the cops. They did have to almost seperate Abby and I, though. Which just upset me more."

"How did they get you to calm down?" You asked.

"Your mother handed you to me while she walked Abby to a bathroom so she could take a go at her. And you were all upset anyways because I wasn't paying attention to you and you didn't understand why the nurses were fuckin' with me or why I was upset. Once I had you in my arms I refocused, calmed down a good bit. Someone brought me a book to read you and we got to focus on that while they prepped me for stitches," he said the last part softly. "I was so glad when Abby got out of her teen rebellion phase."

"She ruined mine," you joked.

"Yeah. She used pretty much every trick in the book, so we were ready for you. Sorry," he said.

"It's fine, I don't like parties."

"I don't either."

Mike's phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked it, typing a quick response before refocusing on you. "Your mother wants to know what you're thinking for dinner," he said.

"Chinese?" You asked.

"That comes from your mom's side," he smiled. "She'll be pleased."

¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

Short but sweet. This was a fun one :)

Taglist:

@jhutchissupercool @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 . Thank you for your support! <3

Masterlist

[jazeswhbhaven]

Just Another Day in Hades...(Requiem of the Survivors Event React III)

Henlo again, third post time! Make sure you check out the previous parts before continuing! ->Part 1 -> ->Part 2->

Good to go? Let's finish this~

So we're back and this is final part to my react post!! It's mostly the damn image limit that kills me. Let me have 50 images per post ugh. Anywayssss

WOMP I spelt his name wrong in another post like all the way wrong. It's bad enough Orias couldn't even remember his name lmao

I'm crying because level with me... I read his name because of the typo as "Zaddy" instead of Zadkie Sure. I mean I'll call him Zaddy ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )ᕗ (btw this is a different way of calling someone "Daddy" during sex) Now you know your admin was being horny for another angel again. I am never leaving the streets at this point and Dre has his eyes on me ready to have some words. m o v i n g o n n nn

So Orias is hyping up the angel trying to get him ready for when leviathan gets over to him. they see him from afar and have their little talk, and Zadkiel is nervous asf (as he should be) but Orias is like "you're fine :D" all while he's over there slobbering over Levi's soul again.

See. Look at him. Just confident. Also this part I'm just gonna hurry up and paraphrase so "Levi" walks up to Orias and the angel and after the two of them stare at each other BAM Orias tells the angels to attack "Levi" immediately.

Looks like they got him right???

W R O N G

After Orias ripped through "Levi's" chest and ate the orb, it didn't taste at all what he expected, and...it had the opposite affect of what he thought it would too.

Won't you look at that, Orias wasn't the only one who fucking came in with a failsafe key sort of speak. SO remember back when I said Zadkiel was staring at Levi??? Well he knew who it was because it wasn't really Levi at all but an old colleague of his named Ose that was disguised by the real Levi who only half trusted Orias's note. And as I suspected, Levi was too smart for that and if we remember that he and orias are the ones that can lie. so both parties threw everyone for a loop.

Leviathan played his cards right and he won. Foras witnessed such a thing before his eyes knowing he was probs gonna win anyway lol

And omfg how cheeky, Levi also just wanted to know what would happen if Orias swallowed the soul omg. Lol this is wild. So in short honestly, Zadkiel gave up, seems that he was under Gabriel since he said his name as his last words and the Leviathan monster pretty much swallowed everyone up. It nearly goes for Orias but Levi stops it.

Yes, even after all this bullshit, Levi sticks to his original promise that he wasn't going to do anything to Orias. In fact, he even has the monster spit out a few souls for Orias to eat.

Now see here, this whole "omg being over 21 means your so old now wow" joke is tiring because no one in their 20s looks like Orias who I assume looks like a wrinkled fucking peach under there and his hair is kinda greyed out too? which I mean I've heard of that happening but come on. lol

otherwise though it comes to a conclusion that Orias was pissed off that he was tricked even though he's the one that tricked Levi in the first place

I can't either Foras. I really can't. Orias needs the timeout chair if he's gonna act like this because omg it's almost like Levi is gentle parenting him so he can act better but I mean technically none of this is a good example of gentle parenting lol But also, Orias has a new noose on his neck and if I'm reading the room correctly, I think Levi intends on using it in it future because of how he says "your life belongs to me" and that it's not like the old one.

Orias is on a tight leash now, Levi's promise still hasn't changed, and our nobles learned more about him and us too.

CONCLUSION So for this event I give it a 9/10. One point off because Orias is being a little brat which kinda came off to me as in his big age, he was still acting like a child. Like yes, give him some grace because he was at that farm with Levi and had horrible stuff done to him and especially one that causes aging to where he may even die in another year or so and he's addicted to angel souls now and it makes him want more and more. I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting to highlight something...but I'mma be honest I'm running off fumes and I haven't slept at all SO if I do remember I'll just edit it in here. But but I hope you all enjoyed the heavy lore again, I really appreciate this that they're doing for the story because it's starting to kind of align with the main story kindish? And we get to see glimpses of how the devils are without MC around so I'm getting my piece of slice of life demon pie.

NOW though with the event done. I'm sure the next one crossing my fingers will be a Lucifer-centered one. maybe. Because they have told us before chapter updates would be every three months or so so that's a lot of waiting that I'm glad for because that means more time to beef up cards, unlock holy board stories, farm for materials. The best time for a f2p peep. btw these advanced candies are gonna fucking be the end of me, it's almost like I need to ONLY nab those during events because they get you at the end with those.

As always appreciate you all for reading my stuff, after I sleep today I'll get back to work on those requests again T^T byeee~ -your lovely admin ♥( ˆ⌣ ˆԅ)

[joels-golf-club]

Play Along

A/n: I'm writing this at literally 2 in the morning so this could very well be trash but we shall see. Okay so I hate the way I ended this but the rest is kinda cute so I'm posting it anyway, enjoy :)

All my works are 18+ MDI

Word count: 2K

Warnings: Literally just Joel being the best gentleman, Pre-Outbreak!Joel, Lowkey cliche, no use of Y/n, drinking, One creepy guy, reader is uncomfortable, slight unwanted touching, Joel (he always needs a warning), light swearing, I think that's it but lmk if I missed anything.

It was supposed to be a fun night out with your best friend that you hadn't seen in forever. The plan was to go out to a bar your friend liked, have a few drinks, and catch up on what you had missed in the time you two had been separated.

But that plan quickly went out the window. You both showed up and chatted for a while but your friend quickly found someone she deemed worthy of her time and went to the dance floor, leaving you to nurse another drink alone at the bar. That honestly wasn't bad at first. Your drink was about as good as you good get in the small honky tonk bar, the music wasn't bad, maybe a little twangy, but nothing horrible, but then he showed up.

You don't even remember his name, James? Jason? You couldn't remember but you do know that he asked you to dance, and being a few too many drinks deep you said yes. At first he kept a respectable distance between the two of you and his hands stayed high on your back and arms as you danced to the music, but after a song or two his hands began to wander and he pulled you closer. It wasn't terrible until he pulled you flush against him and ran his hot, wet mouth down your neck.

"Okay, I'm getting hot, I think I need another drink! Let go." You shouted over the music but he seemed determined to stay with you.

"It's not that hot in here, just one more song, come on! Then I can think of something else we can do." The innuendo wasn't lost on you and you quickly sobered up a bit. He made another grab for your arm but you pulled it away at the last second and searched the room for your friend with no luck. It seemed she had gone home with that guy, or at the very least disappeared somewhere with him.

"No, I'm actually here with someone so I'm just gonna go find him. This was fun though." You tried to be polite whilst your eyes bounced around the room in search for anywhere you could go, at this point you were almost completely sober and just wanted a way out of this situation.

"Bullshit! You were alone at that bar long before I got to you. Now don't be such a bitch and come over here again!" John or maybe Jackson shouted a little too near to your ear for comfort, causing you to immediately flinch away.

Then your eyes landed on him. Dark messy hair and broad shoulders in a tight green flannel connected to long legs covered in tight dirty jeans. His back was to you and you prayed he was really as alone here as he looked because you made a beeline to him while tossing a, "There's my friend!" over your shoulder. You could tell he followed after you but you just walked faster until you were right next to where the other man stood near the bar counter.

"There you are babe! I've been looking for you!" You called to him and threw your arms around his neck before whispering in his ear when he stiffened at your touch. "Please play along, this guy won't leave me alone." The man didn't answer but he relaxed and wrapped his arms around you for a few seconds before pulling back. By now, the other guy had reached the two of you and glared at the man who now had his arm over your shoulder.

"Hey darlin', been looking all over for you. Who's your friend?" He was playing along to your great relief and glared just as harshly at the unrelentless man before you.

"Oh, this is, uh, Jason-"

"John, actually, and who are you?" John, it turned out to be, cut you off and looked the other man up and down, sizing him up.

"I'm Joel, how do you know my girlfriend?" Joel, stared right back and kept his tone clipped and harsh. Joel was a little shorter, but he was broader and filled out his sleeves much more than John did, no doubt intimidating the creep.

"Girlfriend? This bitch? Yeah have fun with that..." John quickly trailed off as Joel's glare deepened and he took a threatening step forward at the harsh words. John quickly took the hint and turned around and sauntered back into the crowd with a scoff and one last glare aimed at you.

As soon as he was out of sight you slumped down into one of the two empty bar stools while Joel took the other. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry for that. He just wouldn't leave me alone and I lost my friend somewhere and she's kinda my ride but I think she left with some guy so I didn't know what to do. God, you really saved my ass, I don't know what would've happ-" Joel cut your rambling off with a short bark of laughter and shook her head. He smiled in amusement and held out his hand for you to shake.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. It was my pleasure, I'm glad I could help. I'm Joel." You gave him your name and shook his hand in return.

"Thank again, can I buy you a drink for that? Like I said, you really saved my ass there." You grinned as you offered but it dropped when he flagged the bartender down and ordered you a drink instead.

"How bout I buy you one since you seemed to have a shitty night? And you said your friend left? I can give you a ride home if you'd like, darlin'." Joel offered in a deep southern twang that had you blushing, though you blamed it on the alcohol still in your system.

You shook your head a smiled. "Don't worry about it, please, I'll just get an Uber or something. I can figure it out, you've already done so much for me tonight." Truth be told, you desperately wanted him to drive you home. Joel was hot, he was also kind and a gentleman, but you didn't want to intrude on his night even more so you declined his offer.

He however seemed to have other Ideas, he raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You're really gonna call an Uber alone at night? For some reason that doesn't seem like the brightest idea to me."

"Oh and going home with a stranger is any better?" You shot back but Joel just grinned.

"But we aren't strangers. You know my name and I know yours, and according to people around us, we are dating. If you don't want me to take you home, I understand, but I really wouldn't mind at all, and it seems the safer option anyway." You thought over his offer and decided was he right. Calling an uber when you were tipsy, alone, and this late at night wasn't a good idea. You're other option was to somehow get your friend to give you a ride like planned, but she was nowhere to be seen in the bar and she hadn't responded to any of your texts other than one over an hour ago saying she went home with the guy she met.

"Alright, you can drive me home. But you're just dropping me off, alright." Joel nodded and raised his hands in surrender.

"You have my word, sweetheart. I will only take you home, unless you ask for anything else." He threw a cheeky wink in with the end of his sentenced, and that paired with the pet name in his drawl had you blushing from your neck to the tips of your ears. You only hoped he blamed it on the alcohol in your system and the heat of the bar, but the look in his eyes said he knew otherwise.

"Great. Um," You glanced at your phone and saw that it was way past midnight. You had been talking to Joel in between sips of your drinks for well over an hour by now. "It's getting pretty late, do you wanna head out now?"

"Sounds great, darlin'." He fished out his wallet from the back pocket of those unnecessarily tight jeans and threw a couple bills on the table. You tore your eyes away from his ass when he turned around and your blush deepened when you saw the small smirk on Joel's face, he definitely saw you staring. "Let's go then, I'm parked out front."

He led the way out the doors into the chilly night air and opened the passenger door of a shiny black pickup with a large smile across his face. You grinned and stepped up into the vehicle. "I guess chivalry really isn't dead."

Joel just chuckled and shook his head, "Just keepin' my momma proud, darlin'." He winked at you and shut your door before walking around to the driver door. You gave him your address and he turned on the radio quietly as he began to drive.

"Thank you again for everything, Joel. You don't know how much you've done for me tonight." You sheepishly stared at your hands in your lap, the buzz of your drinks wearing off and an odd sense of shame filling you.

You looked up, though, when he reached over and grabbed one of your hands in his much larger grip. His hand covered yours entirely and it was rough with callouses. You stared at the side of his face with your cheeks slightly pink when he spoke. "Darlin', you don't need to thank me. You don't ever deserve to feel unsafe anywhere and I'm extremely glad that I could help you out tonight."

Joel stopped talking then, but he still lightly held your hand in his, you could've pulled away if you wanted, but you just squeezed his hand and grinned. A slow country song came on over the radio and Joel turned up the music a few notches. Quietly he began to sing along.

His voice was deep and smooth with a little bit of a rasp. In short, it was beautiful. You stared at his mouth as it moved to form the shapes of the words. You must have looked insane staring at him like this but when he glanced over at you Joel only smiled softly and continued the song.

The song just barely ended when he pulled into your neighborhood and turned into your driveway. You frowned as the night came to a close and slowly began to unbuckle while Joel walked around the front of the car to open your door for you. "Here you are, sweetheart. It's been a great night for me, I hope it was for you too after everything."

You smiled and hopped down onto the pavement and walked with him to your front door where you tried to linger and build the confidence to ask for his number. "It was wonderful meeting and talking with you. Thank you for everything once again." Joel smiled and nodded his acknowledgment before you began to unlock the door and he turned and walked back to his truck.

You had just about closed the door when you heard your name called out. "Hey wait! you left this in my truck." Joel jogged up to your front door once again and handed you something, it looked like a napkin or a paper, but you didn't remember having it before. It must've just been in your pocket and fallen out or something, you reasoned.

"Oh thanks, I didn't even realize. Goodnight Joel." You finally forced yourself to not chicken out and stood on your tippy toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek before you turned and walked back into your house, just barely catching his own goodnight to you.

It was only after you heard his truck pull away and the sound of his engine fade that you looked down at the napkin he had handed you. Once you processed what it had written on it in a messy chicken scrawl you sat at your kitchen table and a large grin took over your face.

Here's my number so you can buy me that drink another time. - Joel.

[irisintheafterglow]

End Game #3 (volleyball captain!gojo x you)

summary: you run practice in your coach's absence and break up a fight between captains.

word count: 2.6k

cw/tags: language, jjk volleyball au, misunderstandings, mild angst but nothing too bad, arguing, reader is a little mean but they're just tired of satosugu's bullshit, satoru is too unserious he literally makes a your mom joke

note: SURPRISE this is so much longer than i anticipated it being. but anyway!!! here's the first look at the rest of the team. maybe at some point i'll post the whole roster, but hopefully some of your faves make an appearance. i'm aware that this isn't really fluffy gojo content but this drabble is intended to explain his actions later on in this little series. thank you for all your support recently!!!!!

likes/reblogs/feedback are always appreciated <3

“No way.”

“Unfortunately, yes way.” 

“I thought he was kidding.” 

“If he was kidding, I wouldn’t be wearing this.” You smile mirthlessly, gesturing to the workout clothes you donned rather than the typical school-issued uniform. Suguru shakes his head in disbelief, laughing quietly as he tosses you a deflated ball that had rolled away. You catch it with ease and add it to the pile you’ve been working on for ten minutes. From your place on the gym floor, you watched the vice-captain exasperatedly pull out his phone and dial a number. “Who are you calling?” 

His dark eyes meet yours exhaustedly, strands of black hair falling loosely from the bun that held it back from his face. “Who do you think?”

It takes a moment for the pieces to click in your head, explaining why the usual annoyance after your last class wasn’t present with chatter and a sugary apple soda. “No.”

“Yes.” He frowns at his phone, furiously tapping the call button again. No answer, you figured.   

“He’s the fucking captain!” Unaware of how long you’d had the electric air pump running, you quickly flick it off as the ball in your lap becomes concerningly large. “Tell him to get his ass over here; I wanna throw this at him.” You show him the ball the size of your head, waving it around to get him to look over at you on the floor. 

Suguru side-eyes the abnormally-sized ball in your fingers. “You’re gonna kill him.”

“That’s the point,” you reply, bending one of your legs in and stretching out the other, leaning toward the outstretched side. You reach for your tennis shoe, sighing as you take a break from inflating balls. Suguru seems to finally reach Satoru as he pulls the phone away from his ear in pain, distorted panic reaching to your side of the gym. 

When the team chat received Yaga’s message saying that you were going to run practice in his absence, you knew half the team would take it as a joke. You were going to take it as one, too, planning to grab a nice lunch that afternoon; however, when the office aide came into class bearing a note requesting your presence at the gym, you kissed lunch goodbye. With the free time before practice started, you successfully repaired the ripped net that had been sitting in the corner of the supply closet for months, ordered new uniforms for away games, and checked the air pressure of practice balls. A glance at the clock and Satoru’s hastily written text confirming practice told you the rest of the team would be arriving soon. 

“D’you think they’re going to listen to me, Su?” 

“Who? The team?” 

“Mhmm.” Doubt sits heavy in your mind as you finish with the air pump, rising on aching legs to return it to the supply closet. “I mean, I’m not Yaga.” 

“He would wear that, though,” Suguru smirks, nodding toward your form-hugging leggings and loose-fitting white shirt you’d dug through your bag to retrieve. 

“I’m serious–” 

“I know you are,” he states firmly, finally meeting your gaze. He looks at you for a moment, subtly narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. “I don’t think it’s the team you should worry about.”

You cross your arms across your chest, tilting your head to the side skeptically. “Who should I worry about, then?” 

He opens his mouth to speak, but abruptly shuts it as three pairs of running steps approach the gym doors, a blur of white shirts and black shorts screeching to a halt in front of Suguru. He looks down at his panting juniors with amusement, taking in their flushed faces and indifferently informing them that they’re late. They huff out apologies in between heavy inhales and exhales, still trying to catch their breath. 

You can’t help but chuckle at their earnestness. “Megumi, Yuuji, Yuta.” The three boys stiffen to attention, bracing themselves for stern scolding because of their tardiness. “Relax, I’m not gonna call Yaga.” Their shoulders collectively sag in relief. “Did you see anyone else making their way over here, or rushing too fast?” The corner of your mouth lifts teasingly, and even stoic Megumi becomes slightly pink from embarrassment as they shake their heads. “Go warm up, you three. I’ll announce today’s agenda when your glorious captain arrives.” 

The rest of the team trickles in gradually, and you’re pleasantly surprised that you’ve only lost ten minutes of practice when Satoru arrives as everyone finishes stretching. He grins at you in your workout clothes, inhaling in preparation to say something stupid before Suguru cuts him off and tells him to warm up quickly. As much as Satoru was the most powerful on the team, Suguru was the real pillar of the team because he could override his captain’s antics; you silently thank the universe that you didn’t have to wrangle the boys alone. 

“Alright, group up!” Your voice cuts through the players’ conversations and they dutifully gather around you. Irritatingly, Satoru stands at your side, sticking his hands in his nonexistent pockets and looking over the team like a pompous tyrant. You peer at him from the corner of your eye, and he averts his gaze submissively, a dog who got in trouble for ripping up the couch cushions. “Please have a seat, Satoru.” Snickers ripple through the group of players at their captain so easily ordered around, and he pouts next to Suguru on the floor. 

“So your match with Kyoto is next week–” 

Yuuji’s arm sticks up before you call on him, his head falling to the side curiously. “Are we paying for their food if we lose or was that just a rumor?” 

“Nanami said that was fake, stupid. Stop asking dumb questions,” Megumi mutters as he swats down Yuuji’s hand. 

“Don’t be mean, Megumi. It’s a valid question, and the answer is–” 

“Yes!” An uproar of indignancy spreads among the players at Satoru’s satisfied completion of your sentence. “So,” he turns in his seat, sharp blue eyes silencing the protest immediately. “Don’t lose.” The boys tense at the genuine threat in his voice and you shake your head. When he took his role of captain seriously, he was admittedly good at keeping his team in line. But, his sober aura disappears as he turns back to you, holding out a hand for you to continue while you pinch the bridge of your nose. 

“Okay, sorry. Guess you’re paying if you lose.” You present your palms regretfully as the team groans and Satoru continues to beam at you. What the hell was he playing at? “Anyway, your match with Kyoto is next week. We’re ranked pretty similarly regarding skill level–” 

“Is that a compliment or an insult?” Nanami deadpans from the back of the group. Yu shushes him insistently and you exhale, electing to ignore his question. 

But, the fuse had already been lit. 

“I don’t think we’re that bad,” Yuta mumbles under his breath, worry spreading on his face. Yuuji nods his agreement. 

“If our captain got his shit together, I’d think we’d do better.” Megumi coughs into his sleeve, and Yuuji flinches next to him as Satoru rotates his head to stare daggers into them both. You’d seen situations exactly like this escalate, but you didn’t have Yaga’s booming voice to get them to pay attention. As long as Suguru doesn’t join, you think. Just as long as–

“As vice-captain, I have to agree,” Suguru drawls nonchalantly. Oh, no.

“Who said you were vice-captain, number two?” Satoru sneers mockingly at the boy sitting beside him, hissing out the last word like a curse. 

Suguru goes on the defensive. “Last year’s seniors, idiot. Would have been captain-captain if your incompetent ass didn’t get us both stuck on probation for a semester.” 

“Captain-captain doesn’t exist, Suguru.” He waves his hand dismissively, and you try in vain to get the conversation back on track. “Maybe there’s a reason you got on academic probation.” 

“And your attitude is the reason you get no women, Satoru.” 

“I get plenty, I’ll have you know.” 

“Really? Like who?”

“Inquire with thy mother.” A chorus of “ooh” erupts from the team. Inumaki winces like he’d been shot. 

“You pretentious asshole. You can’t even pull the person you’ve been after since–”

“Since when Suguru? Go ahead. Use your words. If you bring me down, you’re coming with me.” You stand there, gaping like the rest of the team. It was common for the two to bicker like this, but not with such spite.  

Satoru dances his shoulders from side to side tauntingly like a cobra ready to strike. He was starting to get to Suguru; you could tell by the way the vice-captain’s fists clenched and unclenched in preparation to knock out the actual captain. 

“Guys–”

“I believe we should focus on the task at hand,” offers a deep voice from the middle blocker in the center of the group. 

“Thank you, Panda. Is Inumaki still awake?”

“He is, though he might not be for longer if our superiors continue their banter.” 

Meanwhile, Suguru and Satoru whirled on each other, throwing insults back and forth until they both stood up like they were going to fight. Your patience wears thin as you witness the rest of the team space out in real time, and your body moves before you can even think. One minute, you’re standing in front of the whiteboard, facing the team. Half a minute later, your fingers grip the lobes of Suguru and Satoru’s ears as you all but hurl them out the door. 

Your voice shakes with rage, and you fight to keep it steady. “If you’re going to continue your little piss match, do it out here. And while you’re at it, go run three laps around the school.” Their faces contort in protest, and you cut them off uncaringly. “No, no arguing. Get out, I have a team to coach.” 

When the two seniors return to practice hanging their heads in shame, Nanami is helping run defense drills. “You’re evenly matched offensively,” you stated before you began. “But Kyoto has much better communication that keeps them working like a well-oiled machine. We’re more like, uh, a used car that’s been sitting on the side of the street.” The team’s faces fall, and you’re quick to reassure them. “But, that means that if you can solidify your defense, I wholeheartedly believe that your offensive attacks can overpower theirs. Do your best.”

The juniors, you noticed, took the challenge most seriously, giving their all as they practiced calling for the ball and fully jumping even if they were feints. Megumi was Satoru’s apprentice, but as a first year student, you could already tell Megumi was progressing faster than his mentor did at the same age. It made you happy that, in the same way Satoru had Suguru, Megumi had Yuuji. You only hoped that their egos wouldn’t disrupt practice so much when they were seniors. 

Nanami takes the burden of directing his captains what to do while you work with Yuta on his blocking technique. You can feel Satoru’s eyes on you and purposefully avoid them, still bothered by his earlier tantrums. 

“I’m sorry about them,” Yuta says quietly, almost too quietly to hear if you weren’t right next to him as you adjusted his arm placement. 

“Who, them?” You glance at Dumb and Dumber, still glaring at each other, and Yuta nods carefully. “Don’t be sorry. They just…need to grow up sometimes.” 

“I think one of them has a lot more to fix than the other, respectfully.” 

“Well, that’s your captain. You either love him or you hate him.” 

“And which one are you?”

“Hmm?” Your eyebrows dip in confusion, and Yuta backtracks swiftly, mumbling more apologies and “nevermind”s. You excuse yourself to check on Panda and Inumaki, pushing away the awkward feeling Yuta’s question had arisen in your gut. 

Satoru lingers after practice as you lock the gym, longer than Nanami and Suguru who helped you clean up. The sun begins its trek dipping below the horizon, and the warm glow casts a golden radiance over the school. After changing from his uniform and discreetly reconciling with Suguru, he stands against the wall with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. The sunset reflects off the white of his hair, and the light makes his blue eyes look like they’re glimmering. Despite annoying you to no end earlier in the afternoon, you couldn’t help admiring how handsome he looked. 

You couldn’t tell him that, though, and you brush past him wordlessly. He easily follows your steps, positioning himself at your side instinctually. “Can we talk?” 

“What’s there to talk about, Gojo?” 

“That. Calling me by my family name rather than my first name.” 

Your blank face becomes a scowl. It didn’t matter if he was trying to get a rise out of you. Was he fucking kidding? His jab at something so relatively mundane as his name sets you off, and your words tumble from your lips like boulders on a cliffside. “I’m furious with you, that’s why I'm calling you that. You acted like a child today. A fucking child. But moreover, you picked a fight with Suguru over something you should have laughed off. I have every right to be angry at you. Just because you’re captain, doesn’t mean you get to disrupt practice, me as coach or not.” 

He doesn’t look angry at your tirade, but puzzled. “I’m not allowed to defend myself if they insult my aptitude as captain?” 

You sigh and think about getting a bumper sticker that says I am done with Gojo Satoru. “Perception is reality. Your idea of yourself as captain doesn’t automatically make it everyone else’s opinion of you.” He’s speechless at your side; whether that be from shock or purposeful so he can think, you’d never know. 

“I’m sorry.” He stops behind you, and you look at him over your shoulder. If you weren’t so angry, you might have felt some sympathy for the genuine remorse dragging on his face. “For fighting with Suguru, for undermining your authority, for acting like an idiot. I’m sorry.” You blink, taking a deep breath before you respond, probing into a conversation you weren’t 100% sure you were ready for. 

“Why did Suguru mention something about you liking someone for years?”

His blue eyes widen slightly like a deer in headlights. “Huh?”

“When you were arguing, he said something about not being able to pull someone. Why did the conversation suddenly turn there?” 

He avoids your expectant eyes, pursing his lips and shrugging a tall shoulder. “Don’t know. Must’ve been in just as stupid of a mindset as me.” He was lying to you, straight through his teeth, but you didn’t have the energy to decipher why. Instead, you settle for another meaningless conversation as he walks you home while he asks if he can buy you more soda to make up for his actions. 

“I don’t want sugar, Satoru. I want…” Your voice trails off while you rest your hand on the front gate to your house, looking back at the boy standing behind you. His throat bobs nervously as he swallows in anticipation of your response. He was giving you that unreadable look again. 

“What do you want?” Anything, his eyes said. I’ll give you anything. 

A beat.

“I want you to stop acting like being captain is just another position on the team. It’s not. People depend on you. They look up to you.” You laugh without humor. “But what do I know? I’m just the manager. Look, Satoru. They’re counting on you. Please try, if not for me, then for them.” 

He nods, bidding you farewell. His goodbye includes three extra words that you hadn’t heard him say before, and they’re so soft that you think you’re imagining them. 

“As you wish.”

[eideticallys]

You'll Always Have Me

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: something about peña unsettles you. he has embedded into you so deeply that even though you keep saying his business isn’t your business, you end up following him. wherever he strays, you follow.

genre: fluff (& angst if you squint real hard)

word count: 1.3k

author's notes: hello! this is my first time writing for somebody else aside from spencer reid so i'm pretty excited about it. also, there's a taylor swift reference which i couldn’t help but add lol. anyway, i hope you'll love reading this! also posted on ao3 (spencereids).

YOU'D LIKE TO THINK YOU WERE IMMUNE FROM WORRYING OVER YOUR PERPETUALLY DEVIL-MAY-CARE PARTNER, JAVIER PEÑA. But, despite the countless bickering and borderline immature back-and-forth pranks between the two of you, you do care about the man, as much as you hate to admit it.

Unfortunately for you, Murphy, your other partner, knows that fact even though you've never said anything regarding the issue. It was as if being in a happy marriage gave the man a sixth sense or something. He knew that despite the disagreements, a part of you felt for Javier.

And so when Peña was rushing to get his leather jacket on and placing his gun in its holster, claiming another informant had vital information regarding the cartel, Murphy was quick to shoot you a look. The look saying, "Are you gonna let that impulsive dumbass meet with a sketchy informant alone?"

You groaned inwardly. You hate Murphy and his sixth sense. You decided right then and there, that you'd give him a piece of your mind once you're done making sure Javier wasn't endangering himself.

You headed to the parking area as soon as you could, knowing Javier he'd be off to God knows where in a minute. It seemed to be your lucky day because Javier hadn't left the area yet, preoccupied with a call, you deduced. Meticulously, you tiptoed toward the passenger side opened the door as gently as you could, and buckled the seatbelt before Javier finished whatever call he was on.

"Jesus, fuck!" Javier exclaimed. "What the fuck are you doing here? Get out!"

You merely raised one perfectly made brow at the man. "For a DEA agent, you scare real easy, Peña," You mocked. "You sure this is the right job for you?"

At this, Javier rolled his eyes and sighed. "I don't have time for your bullshit, Cariño," He emphasized the endearment, knowing you hated it especially when it came out of his mouth. "I have an informant waiting for me. Now, get out."

"No."

"What?" Javier scowled. "What do you mean no? Get out! I don't have time for this."

"No, I'm not getting out," You matched the scowl adorning his face. "I'm coming with, and besides, knowing you? You're probably meeting with an informant." You stressed the last word.

You hate using that card because it wasn't like it was any of your business whom Javier was sleeping with. It wasn't but you can't help it. It's not like it should matter to you even if Javier was taking an informant to bed. Because despite his reputation, Peña gets the job done. You need to get the upper hand if you want Javier to take you with him.

“Fine,” He conceded, tired of arguing with you. “And for your information, I wasn’t meeting Gabriela. If I ever did meet with someone I slept with, it wouldn’t be during office hours. I’m not that depraved.”

You merely scoffed, blatantly ignoring the small twitch you felt deep inside hearing another woman’s name come out of his mouth. You don’t care. You never did.

Javier buckled in and started backing out of his parking spot, one hand placed behind your headrest. You glanced at the man beside you who was focused on his task. You get why women would flock over Javier. He was attractive. He had dark locks that slightly curl at the ends, a crooked nose that shouldn’t look as pretty as it does but it makes sense on his face, full, pink lips, and golden skin. Calling him beautiful would be selling him short. Javier Peña was beautiful, so to speak. Distracted by the thoughts of your partner’s pretty face, you didn’t notice he was now driving on the street, looking concerned at you spaced out.

“If you keep looking at me like that, sweetheart,” Javier broke the silence. “I’d start thinking you’re in love with me or something.” The man chuckled at his quip to which you responded with an eye roll.

“I’d rather shoot myself in the leg than be in love with you, Peña.” You uttered sarcastically while Javier only chuckled. “I honestly don’t understand why women fall at your feet. You’re average.”

This seemed to offend Peña who raised one brow. “Right. Keep telling yourself that, laughed. “Anyway, it’s usually Murphy who’s up my ass bothering me. Why are you here?”

“Technically, I’m also your partner,” You replied. “I can accompany you whenever I want.”

Javier frowned, unconvinced by your proclamation. It was true what he said though. Despite being partners with him, you made it your job to avoid him at all costs unless necessary. He was a magnet for trouble and you were a stickler for rules—or that’s what you’d like to think. Going after narcoterrorists have pushed you and everyone else chasing after them to do something you never thought of doing when you first signed up for this job.

But it is what it is.

However, something about Peña unsettles you. For some reason, he gets under your skin as no one has ever done—no matter what you do, you just can’t shake him off. He has embedded into you so deeply that even though you keep saying his business isn’t your business, you end up following him. Wherever he strays, you follow.

“Okay, fine,” You gave up, kind of.

He won’t know if you’re lying, right? It’s not like he’d go up to your boss and ask her about her “orders”. Right?

“Messina told me to go with you. You keep getting yourself into some shit that you can’t pull yourself out of on your own. Plus, if it was Murphy who came with you, he’d get dragged in. Messina thinks I’m the only one stubborn enough to go against you.”

It was both the truth and a lie. Messina would most definitely say something like that as Javier and Steve were like two peas in a pod. But it was also a lie. You’d go after Javier, you just pretend you wouldn’t.

“Right,” He mumbled.

You stared out the window.

A few minutes later, it seemed you had arrived where Javier was meeting up with this informant. Unbuckling your seatbelt, you were about to step out of the vehicle when Javier held your wrist.

"Stay here," He instructed. "He might get aggressive. I never told him I was bringing someone with me."

"I can take care of myself just fine."

Javier rolled his eyes and sighed. "I know that, but please. Stay here."

"Fine!" You raised your hands in surrender. "But the moment I feel something's wrong, I'm following you. Got it?"

Javier stared at you wordlessly.

"Why'd you always have to be everywhere I am?" He queried. "It's like no matter where I look, you're always there tagging along."

You gulped as Javier raised his brow at you.

"Well, someone's gotta save your ass," You stated, crossing your arms to appear assertive. "You always get into so much trouble. Someone has to save you if something goes wrong."

"And that someone's you?"

"Yeah, that's me," You murmured. "You'll always have me. I-I mean I'll always have your back 'cause we're partners. That's what partners do. I'm your partner."

You looked out the window, avoiding his stare. You were certain Javier was smirking at you now.

"I know that partner," Javier retorted. "You'll always have me too."

You turned to look at him in shock, a pink hue dusting your cheek. Javier simply laughed at your blatant show of bashfulness and flicked your nose.

"You're cute," He chuckled as you gasped, ready to deny what he just said. "But I gotta go. Stay here. I'll call you when I need your help."

He quickly shut the door and ran toward where he was meeting his informant to avoid your scolding.

"Get back here in one piece, Peña!" You screeched at him. "I have so much to yell at you, you prick!"

Javier merely saluted at you mockingly and winked.

The nerve!

[chr0macide]

guess what fellas. I finished the oc. finally.

Magdalena Mercer

Or Lena for short. But she gets mildly annoyed when people call her that, especially if she doesn't know them.

She has a tragedy mask instead of a comedy mask. I headcanon that the people who had always worked for Mary had roses on their masks and the ones who originally worked for Larry had theirs blank, so Magdalena has roses on hers.

Pretty short, about 5 feet tall. Her bad posture makes her look even shorter.

Constant thousand-yard stare. She emotes only when the emotion is strong enough (i.e. not often, kinda dead inside), and there would be an immediate jarring change in her facial expression.

Hair covers left side of her face. Definitely not just because I don't want to draw the roses all the time 🤫 but I drew her headshots without that so you can see what her entire face looks like.

Left eye doesn't open all the way. The eye is fine, just the eyelid doesn't work properly

Sallow skin, bloodshot eyes, skinny to the point of looking unhealthy, always shivering for a reason that I am gonna explain

She would be in her 20s as of the first Break In game. She went to Purge University, but not at the same time as the Scarys of course because she would've been too young

Ok now for her backstory

Magdalena was a student at Purge University who double majored in mechanical engineering and biotechnology. She made no friends because she actively distanced herself from everyone. She was destitute, so she took out a loan from the mafia to pay tuition as no banks in the city were willing to lend her the amount she needed. She was ultimately unable to repay the money soon enough and ended up working for the mafia to pay it off. It's possible that they sabotaged her career to ensure such an outcome.

Anyhow. Mary was the one in charge of her, and Magdalena was highly skilled in the engineering field, so she eventually became one of Mary's chief assistants. As such, they worked together closely, but the relationship was extremely businesslike since Magdalena wasn't much more than an indentured servant. If you asked one of them about the other, they'd say they know each other but neither of them would have claimed they were friends. As for her fellow mafiosos, she was on neutral terms with most of them. Some of them might have liked to antagonize her or kick her around since her demeanor is utterly pathetic, but Magdalena is the highly observant type and knew when some bullshit was about to go down. She would always just leave the area when it was about to start. One person who she was on relatively good terms with was the Brute Villain (who I gave the fanon name Markus so I don't have to keep typing out Brute Villain. And I'm gonna act like he survived Break In 2 since he doesn't fall into literal pieces like the other minions when you defeat them). Markus hated being annoyed, so he preferred her company because she was quiet and unobtrusive. The number of times she talked to him without being spoken to first could probably be counted on one hand, but Magdalena liked to hang around Markus because other mobsters were much less likely to start shit when he was there. Mutually beneficial relationship. Plus, neither of them liked Mary that much. Markus worked for Larry before he was defeated and he was a little bit iffy about the new boss.

Magdalena was one of the personnel involved in Mary's experiments on Larry. For the record, Magdalena never liked working for the mafia, and she liked it even less whenever Mary assigned her to work on one of her experiments (which was all the fucking time). Not that Larry would give a shit about that if he ever got his hands on Magdalena. And she dresses like she raided Spirit Halloween's steampunk isle during the last purge, so he would definitely recognize her if he ever ran into her post-Break In 2. Anyway. When the players defeated the final boss at the end of Break In 2, Magdalena and Markus took advantage of the chaos to escape the base. Markus thought he might be able to ally with his old boss. Magdalena wanted to break away from the mafia entirely, but she didn't tell him that. However, Magdalena ran away when they were cut off by a group of Mary's loyalists, and Markus followed her into a storage room where some wind-up key prototypes were being kept, kind of like the small ones that Larry kept in his mansion (I remember they exist because of one of junkzinterlude’s posts lol). These ones hadn't been tested before--at least not on humans--but Magdalena urged Markus to use one on her anyway as she was worried about getting killed by the other mobsters that were after them, so he did. He did not want a key used on himself, and she didn't ask him if he did either.

They both confronted the other mobsters, but Markus knew Magdalena was useless in a fight and was also skeptical about how strong an effect the key was going to have on her, so he told her to flee the base without him. Joke was on him though since she was about to do that anyway lol bye Markus. She didn't see what happened to him, but I will tell you he fucked those mobsters up and escaped the base as well. He and Magdalena haven't managed to reunite, though (at least not yet).

Magdalena hid in the woods surrounding the base, and now she had a suspicious untested key in her back. Well, turns out this particular type of key functioned more like a parasite. Either that or she just didn't have the physical toughness to handle the effects. She was always frail and kind of sickly. The strength boost only lasted about a day, and after that she was even feebler than before. That's why she looks like such shit underneath her mask.

So. Magdalena is weak and alone in the woods. Next purge is in eight days. She has her crowbar, toolbox and nothing else. How does she survive? Well. She avoids confrontation whenever she can, but I told you she was highly skilled when it comes to engineering and I meant what I said. When expecting to be attacked soon, she shows up at an abandoned factory. Any machine factory would do. Where does she find them? I don't fucking know, they just spawn in near her whenever the narrative demands it I guess. She held more than a few engineering jobs before she got sucked into the mob. She probably knows where the factories are. Anyway. Magdalena has enough expertise to refit one of the assembly lines to produce small robots out of scrap metal and whatever else is lying around in the warehouse. They're not hi-tech killing machines or anything like that, but they are enough to cause problems for anyone trying to reach her. They'd come at you in groups, maybe swarms if that type of bot is small enough. They would have a fair shot at killing anyone who wasn't prepared for them, and if they were prepared then they'd still likely buy Magdalena enough time to escape from her would-be attackers.

And now we have reached the present day, backstory over 👍

Yeah I made the 1324874th Break In OC with a wind-up key, I know I'm so original lmao. Magdalena's is silver instead of gold and has a little rust on it. It's also smaller than the ones on the Scarys.

About her personality and other stuff:

Magdalena has a polite enough disposition, but in a vaguely unsettling way. Her "vibes are off" so to speak. Most people who talk to her for a bit will be able to tell her cordiality is fake. If you speak to her for long enough she will gradually drop the fake shit and become snippy, or outright verbally belligerent if you're some random colleague of hers who is refusing to leave her alone.

Primary personality trait is bitter. Bitter about being born into poverty. Bitter about having to attend Purge University because she had no better options. Bitter about not being able to hold a job. Bitter about being forced to work for Mary. Bitter about the parasite stuck to her back. You could probably taste the bitterness on your tongue if you spent enough time around her. She holds long grudges but is generally too cowardly to be vengeful, so she tends to just marinate in even more bitterness.

Post-Break In 2, she doesn't really mind the presence of other mafiosos but will avoid the bosses at all costs, Larry for obvious reasons and Mary (plus the others) because she doesn't want to be roped back into the mob.

Very cowardly. Unwilling to stand up to her superiors. Will run from a fight whenever possible. And she runs fast as fuck when her life is in danger, that's her one and only physical advantage. So evasive that she would be gone if you looked away from her for a second, as if she teleported or some shit.

Very disinclined towards violence. During the purge, Magdalena steals a bunch of shit instead of killing. This stems partially from her cowardice plus her unwillingness to hurt people without a good enough reason, but also the fact that she is hopeless in melee combat. Mary never sent her to fight for this reason. She is fairly good with a gun (one-handed, the recoil from anything two-handed would probably knock her on her ass) but she was not allowed to have one back in the base, and she still doesn't have one.

She blinks way less than usual. Like maybe a couple times each minute. That's part of the reason why her eyes are always bloodshot. Speaking of her eyes, her left eye is like that because her wind-up key's roots burrowed into her slightly incorrectly (again, janky untested key model that maybe wasn't even meant to be used on humans) and fucked up her nervous system a little bit. Nothing too important was damaged but yeah that's why her eyelid is weird.

Here is Magdalena's toolbox. She keeps her tools in it (obviously) and maybe some spare parts and scrap metal. Also one of her little mechanical weirdos. This one could fit in your palm and she had a handful of these even when she still worked in the base. They would carry stuff to her sometimes (all of them would have to help drag the object since they're small). When they weren't doing that, they'd be crawling all over her, which some of her coworkers thought was creepy, especially the ones that happened to be entomophobiacs, lol.

Here have the first pic I drew of Magdalena. Actually I think the headshots might have been finished before this. But I definitely started this one first. Idk. Who cares. Started making this post on the 11th and now it’s the 21st that's 10 DAYS bruh. Why did I put so much effort into an OC that I might never even use for anything lol this is dumb. too lazy to check this post for typos. I'm going the fuck to sleep now lmao gn.

[eldritchamy]

Hey! I'm sure you're tired of it being referenced by now, but I once again saw the cone snail post come up--that time of year, I suppose, when we all warn each other of the dangers of the blue-ringed octopus?--and was as always struck by the narrative about the person who picked up a pair of cone snails and was instantly killed. Over the past several years I've repeatedly looked for source on that, but not been able to find it--can you link me? I'd love to read about it.

Yeah that's one of the many things in that post that is

TOTAL BULLSHIT

because it turns out the show that I "learned" and paraphrased most of that information from (The Most Extreme, which aired on Animal Planet in the 2000s) was

sensationalized horseshit

that didn't use reliable sources or in some cases appears to have just straight up made things up out of thin air.

You can't find the story because it isn't real.

As far as I can tell, the source is the show I watched, which just made it up. Much of that post isn't actually based on anything credible.

The last time I looked at the wikipedia page for cone snails (not counting several paragraphs later while writing this post), several of the claims in that post were literally called out and debunked, although not directly in reference to my post.

Conotoxin IS very potent, but cone snails are not considered the most venomous animals on earth. There are several species whose LD50 far exceeds it in terms of toxicity. I do not remember which, although I'm probably going to compulsively go look it up.

I'm gonna go compulsively look it up.

So the answer is fact checking for this specific topic sucks because there's no direct answer from a reputable science organization that shows any actual data or ranks animals by toxicity of venom rather than how "deadly" they are to humans, but the answer is PROBABLY a box jellyfish? Inland Taipan almost certainly has the most toxic venom of any land animal. It's hard to find anything that even MENTIONS venom by toxicity in terms of a median lethal dose, and most sensationalist articles go by DEADLIEST rather than MOST VENOMOUS, which factors in the amount of venom administered at a time and how frequently they encounter humans, which are honestly probably more important factors anyway.

Still, it'd be nice to have a real answer.

I still wouldn't go around picking up any 4-to-6-inch cone shaped snail shells, but they are nowhere near as dangerous as many people who have unfortunately read that post now believe. You DO still need immediate medical attention in the highly unlikely event that you get stung by one, but under no circumstances will you be dead before you hit the ground. More like 1 to 5 hours without medical attention.

You shouldn't pick up a blue ringed octopus, either, but I think the original picture on that post turned out to actually be a painting.

I really hate that post.