#anyway yeah i'm. in too deep

[barbedwire-and-chokeslams]

[recitedemise]

𝗠𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝘃𝘂𝗹𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗽𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿. This lengthy headcanon will refer to canon dialogue from mostly Gale, sometimes others. Reader's discretion is very much advised. There will be in depth explorations into grooming, emotional abuse, heavy manipulation, and suicide.

First, let it be said that Gale, a mortal man, will always be the powerless one in his dynamic with Mystra. Of course, nearing forty years of age, he remains entirely responsible for his own actions, his own foul blunders and every hurt he'll cause, but it's important to remember who formed much of who he is: his goddess, his deity, and egregiously, his lover.

Mystra is power. Mystra is possibility. She knows what sway she holds over her Ioyal, vulnerable, and entirely mortal followers. In all ways that matter, they are but lambs she can steer and herd as she sees fit. She knows they can't deny her, and knows they'll never want to. Gale's sheer servitude and complete devotion; to the very quick of his bones, she lapped them up.

Gale: I was just... practising an incantation. Player Character: No, there's more to it than that. I know devotion when I see it. Gale: What can I say? She's—she's Mystra. I can't describe it, the need I sometimes feel to see her - to draw the filaments of fantasy into existence... Mystra is all magic. And as far as I'm concerned, she is all creation. Player Character: I didn't realize the depth of your devotion. Gale: Magic is... my life. I've been touched with the Weave for as long as I can remember. There's nothing like it.

Gale, orb in his chest, doomed to be eaten by the very thing he loves the most, still speaks so reverently of the goddess, of his lover that has left him to die. He conjures images of her memory—and she is all the while forgetting about his.

Minsc: Gale reminds me of vremyonni of my homeland. The man-mages of Rasheman. While the girl-folk go on to rule as wychlaran, Weave-touched boys were hidden away. Trained to work their craft in silence and secrecy. It is an old custom, not well-observed. In truth, I thought it born of caution after some catastrophe of wizardly men-folk of old. Now, I wonder if it was not done to hide them from Mystra, and the snares she sets for young and prideful boys, hm?

Tales of Mystra's treachery spreads far, leaving those familiar waters surrounding Gale's tower in Waterdeep. They whisper her name, afraid to utter it one time too many, suspecting, perhaps, that she'll show in their mirror like some Faerûnian Bloody Mary.

Talent rouses Mystra. She can see who uses the gift of the Weave and feel them, sampling whatever delight sings their veins as they pull from her domain. Not unlike a spider, she'll follows every tremor that strikes her as just a sliver more profound; and Gale, a prodigy, plucked the Weave's web to so garner her focus. And like some black widow scurrying, she surged down that ripple to prey on a boy. There, Gale, so impressionable, was just a mite older than twelve whole summers. He sat so stunned, beholding Mystra as she lured him into the cradle of her Astral domain. Bathed in her magic, pleasantly coddled within that glittering cosmos, Gale felt blessed in a way he'll struggle always to recount, no word, no language, fit to describe it. He felt chosen. He felt seen. And potently, to a child, he felt loved. Now, imagine a child experiencing something like that. Imagine what they'd think, how brilliant they must be when stood beside the rest. She told him he was gifted, made his heart swell not unlike a child's appetite for praise. She knew what she was doing by offering these morsels, by preying on a child's most delicate mind, and Gale, child prodigy, was already so awash in the idea that his value was in magic. Unfortunately, Gale, susceptible, had no way of squirming out of his goddess' grasp.

Reality: She's laid down the seeds to creep into his heart. When he's just old enough—seventeen's sufficient, she thinks—she stakes her claim and makes him hers.

Gale: My virtuosic talent once caught the eye of the goddess of magic herself, Mystra, who named me her chosen and her lover.

Gale is stunned when she takes him to bed the first time. (Is this really happening?) Mystra claims his mouth in a kiss, taking everything she knows he offers so willingly. Mystra, of course, is not so stunned.

Dream Visitor: An elder brain... one of the cruelest and most powerful creatures in existence, enslaved by mere mortals. Gale, tasked with Mystra's missive to sacrifice himself: This is it... I must do as Mystra commands.

Gale has worryingly low self-esteem beyond his magic. As already explored, his entire worth as a man hinged on and was built entirely off his talent as a wizard. He fought tooth and nail for any crumb of affection Mystra would offer his way, something she only gave him at all seeing his gift as a child. He wants her forgiveness. He desires it genuinely. He believes so firmly that he has wronged his goddess, buying into the idea that sacrificing himself will right his wrong. She holds such dominion over him, making him reduce his confidence in himself into a mere, trifling pittance; after all, she wasn't just his lover, but the patron deity he prays to. And regardless, Gale is a people pleaser, his initial acceptance of her missive coming as no surprise.

After all, Gale, at times, goes to incredible lengths to appease his audience. This habit, compulsion, impulse, whatever you want to call it, is a quality that was relentlessly exacerbated in his relationship with his immortal paramour. He wanted to content her, felt all he did was never enough, for as a matter of principle, he was oceans, leagues, and entire galaxies beneath her. Gale figures: well, how can a short-lived dalliance satisfy a god? He had to make her happy. Indeed, he'd done everything she'd ask. He'd bedded her how she liked, kissed her how she wanted, and of course, even said those words she'd said tasted best. She was his lover, a lover that never tended to his own needs and pleasures, and he fooled himself into thinking that's enough. He won't bend backwards for everyone, mind you, but if you're of the ones he would, he would stop at nothing to make you happy. After all, people pleasing is a way to keep oneself safe, a trauma response to sidestep discomfort, and though it achieves only a direly tentative peace, when that is all you've been fed, you will pursue it.

Gale did not want to lose Mystra; he couldn't bare the sting of it. And so, when Elminster visited him, Mystra's call for his death offered oh so callously, Gale, heartbroken, felt that part of him kick up. He couldn't endure the guilt, was so hungry for a chance to let his weighty heart breathe, even if it meant dying in the process.

At least this way, he'll finally do something right. At least this way, Mystra will forgive him, and all his friends will survive.

Gale: After I was afflicted with my condition, I locked myself in my tower for an entire year. I was inconsolable, wallowing in my self-inflicted tragedy. I'd given up on myself.

As a byproduct of people pleasing, Gale, too, is all too quick to accept all guilt. He self-deprecates, gaslights himself to a venomous degree, and twists his reality in so cruel a way as to make him the villain Mystra'd led him to believe. He self-flagellates himself, the first one in the world who will throw Gale of Waterdeep a mental punishment. Mystra's a goddess, after all, seen as utterly faultless, and twined so tightly with a being so mighty in esteem, Gale slipped into the role of the guilty often. When tied with anyone with grandeur like this, so immeasurable in their own self worth, it's important to keep in mind this: you are nothing but a prop in which to fulfill their ego. Gale was not Mystra's, not by a long shot. Rather, Gale was a tool, simply her mortal extension.

And he took every blow meant for her... a common and terrible habit for many people in imbalanced, ego-fueled relationships.

Gale's life beyond her wasn't something that interested her. She took most of Gale's devotion, manipulated his life to be her sole mantle of attention, for Mystra is not a goddess that shares very happily.

Indeed, long before his self-imposed isolation, this jealous deity did well at keeping him isolated.

Player Character: Picture kissing him. With tenderness. Then, with passion. Gale: I... I didn't think— Narrator: You perceive quick-fire embarrassment, trepidation, and finally... elation.

And so, cheated out of love, so reduced in his value as a man and lover both, suffice to say, Gale's slow to believe he can ever be loved. That's what happens when you're with someone so cold, consistent only in their infinite lack of respect. Gale looks at fondness, and he feels—confounded, to be sure. He thinks, is this truly mine to have? He doesn't know what to do, is nearly forty in game, and despite having lived decades devoted to one relationship, he feels, at the same time, entirely out of depth. To be frank, he greets it with embarrassment, like he's been caught red handed with something not his at all. He's like a child caught rummaging with his hand in a cookie jar, all this isn't mine to enjoy, not mine to indulge in, but he thinks, startled, but god, do I want. He wars with disbelief, uncertainty, and need, and in so many ways feeling utterly starved, with just a glimmer of affection, he falls fast into love.

Scenario: (And if properly romanced, it changes his world.)

Gale: In her (Mystra's) likeness, I used to read a thousand stories. She was beauty, wisdom, elegance, power... she contained universes. But now... it is hard to see any redeeming qualities in a lover who condemned you to death. I'd much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness and feeling... No god could ever compare.

He says it with sincerity. There is such wonder, such love, and such awe in his eyes. He makes the act of kissing him feel like you've just reached into the trenches to but pluck him soundly from his ruin and despair. You think, Gale Dekarios, how unloved have you been all this time?

Gale: To know you love me for the man I am, and not the magic I command… none have loved me so purely before.

The answer is: entirely.

For so long, Gale thought love was simply being chosen. He knew nothing of being favored for the quality of his character, to be cherished and accepted even in those ways he fumbles and lacks. Again, his needs were seldom met, often treated with utter indifference by Mystra herself, and to meet someone so eager to treasure him, dote on him in a way his heart, his body is somberly new to, raptures his spirit and captures his soul. He's seen for who he is. He's... loved, desired for his silly quips, his easy smiles, and his growing affections. He bares himself to them, and in turn, they cradle his heart like something entirely precious. Gale thinks this has to be dream. He says, at times, you are more than I deserve.

Scenario: (But sometimes, he hopes too strongly and loves too greatly. As it always does, then, like he's once more wanted too much, he watches something beautiful slip right through his fingers. Of course, Gale Dekarios. Of course it does.)

Player Character: I didn't know you felt so strongly, Gale. Gale: Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach... but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn't enough.

They don't love him anymore. It breaks his heart. He hurts so much, so profoundly and deeply, and he doesn't realize that he breaks their heart in turn.

Unable to ever voice his feelings with Mystra in any way that amounted to much, Gale's a tendency to wallow, expressions coming off as potentially 'guilt-tripping' and even, on occasion, passive aggressive. Firstly: Gale NEVER means to manipulate emotions, and he's no intention of twisting anyone's arm, either. Fact is, Gale, never taken seriously when he'd bared his vulnerabilities to the Mother of the Weave, can end up saying just a little too much. He feels very deeply, and for most his life, seldom had an outlet for these weeping sentiments. He sometimes lets slip raw words and oftentimes heart-wrenching expressions; all the same, it's not so pitiful as to shepherd an outcome, but rather, is a gesture taken by a man so desperate to be heard. It may feel like scheming, but the truth is far, far greyer: feeling as though he's no right to share the depth of his heart, Gale simply lets it geyser out in a way he can't cork up. In ways he doesn't realize, he's adapted to this ache, passively reacting so his feelings can at least be seen and recognized—no matter how pitifully unwhole. With someone who values so little his thoughts... well, when he slips into these moods, one can hardly feign shock.

Situation: (And if no one shows him trust and tenderness, any true care in his character or worth, Gale gets swallowed up by how wronged he was.

He thinks: Let me be a god. Let no one hurt like me anymore.)

Gale: They only want us to serve them, pray to them...and ultimately, to die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to? I could make that happen.

Gale is not above anger, and as stated, he is not above pettiness; however, more than that, he is not above righting himself whatever wound he was struck. Gale, if not offered much by ways of affection, understanding, is made to believe that one idea that's lived growing in his mind: Gale Dekarios is far from sufficient; he has to be more. He has to be better. Gale, in such an unkind ending for himself, sips too desperately—and perhaps greedily, too, but desperately serves as a far better word—at that idea that he needs power. And so, wresting the Crown of Karsus for himself, he spites Mystra in his own way, becoming a god he feels is leagues better than she will ever be. Damn her thoroughly. Damn her ego, her power, and her endless indifference. He will serve the people, protect them, and in ways Mystra never could, better the world.

Situation: But as a god, he loses all sense of his kindness. Humanity. All who loved him leave him, and even Tara spurns the image he's become. With power, he's gained the respect he thought he always wanted... but in turn, he lost in even greater measure all the love he's known.

Endnote: But healing, knowing to forgive himself and knowing he's deserving of care simply for being Gale Dekarios will remain, always, the best path for him.

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

[imminent-danger-came]

continue being a little mean to toh fans please it is really irritating how some act like its got the best writing of any modern cartoon

Daawwwww I don't have it in me. TOH fans love it for a reason, and there are legitimately good moments! It's just not the most complex or well-written show out there—which it doesn't need to be—but I also totally get your exhaustion. It gets tiring seeing people praise it so highly over and over again when it's just like...fine. It didn't do nothing but it also didn't do something, you know? It's main couple is cute and queer, but that's pretty much all there is to them. It has a fun cast of characters, but they all tend to fall into archetypes. Luz is a sweet main character, but she doesn't have any real flaws and kinda takes a back seat to Hunter and Eda (the white people lol). Her foil with Philip was interesting...but then they kinda backed off and went the "you and Belos are nothing alike" direction.

((I'm also going to answer this anon with another: ))

And It's not that an unsympathetic villian is bad, or that Belos would even be sympathetic with added backstory, it's just that...there were a lot of interesting things to explore with his character that were left hanging.

Like, while he's definitely not at all a good person, it's intriguing that he would bother to recreate his brother over and over again knowing that each time the grimwalker was going to betray him. It's intriguing that he was even willing to kill his brother to begin with (though Caleb was super underutilized in general). Like, you can give a villain depth without justifying or victimizing them (hi Finnegran from tdp, I'll also add Spider Queen & LBD here). So it just feels like a missed opportunity all across the board. It's still surprising to me that we got a confirmation on the Wittebane backstory through an unrelated background character, rather than Philip himself (who had literally possessed a main character, and mindscapes had already been well-established....the pieces were all there me thinks).

And obviously it's like, people can love something despite it's flaws, and they can cherish it for the good it has, but they still don't need to praise it as an ultimate form of media, you know? We don't need to pretend toh was this dark and complex story—it was just a story a lot of people liked and resonated with. Which I'm glad it's there for those people, and I'm glad there are options when it comes to queer pieces of media!

That said the show with the best writing of any modern cartoon is The Dragon Prince (streaming on Netflix).

[elv-arts]

Redraw time! Nearly a decade between these.

The first one is the first art I posted on the internet, as soon as my parents let me make a deviantart account. I was thirteen and used to draw this kind of thing a lot.

The second I drew last night at 2am because I wanted to make 13yr old me happy and also i got possessed by the sleepy art demon.

[ID: Image 1 - a coloured pencil drawing of an "anime style" girl taking a selfie with takanuva from bionicle. The girl has pale freckled skin, long brown hair in a low ponytail, and a slim green vest top. One arm holds up the camera, and the girl and takanuva each have one arm around the other's back. They're smiling with their eyes closed and the background is a sunny view of the sea and a beach with a sand castle. There's some sun glare in the corner of the picture, wispy clouds, and the sea has sparkles on it.

Image 2 - a digital drawing of a person taking a selfie with takanuva. The person has pale freckled skin, an underbite, long brown hair with growing out buzzed sides tied in a ponytail, and a black tshirt with the sleeves cut off. They have chipped black nails, an ear cuff and a couple bracelets including a rainbow one. They are grinning and are making a peace sign. Takanuva's eyes are making a happy expression and he is also making a peace sign (or perhaps failed bunny ears) behind the person. The background is a blue sky with wispy clouds and a beach. End ID]

My art has changed a lot, and I've grown so much, but some things have certainly stayed the same lol

[lyxchen]

When you feel weird saying your favorite actors name out loud when talking to your parents or friends because it feels like it's going to reveal how deeply obsessed you actually are

[cinna-bunnie]

i've tried making some sort of post about it since last night probably 4 or 5 times, but I finally got to read through Dungeon Meshi and it's hard to like..... talk about how i feel about it...? not that it is a confusing story!!

I think it is genuinely so good in so many different ways/directions it's kind of hard to pick just one thing and roll with it you know? but it felt life-changing kind of.. in a way that's hard to put into words.. yes i will take things slow, yes i will stop looking at food and rest as rewards and not the bare minimum my body needs for it to carry out the tasks i give it effectively. yes i see the importance of not only doing the things you want to do, and the ways that only doing what you want can come back to bite you in the ass.

so on and so forth, it was just really good.. i think the biggest bittersweet thing i felt by the end of it was a gut punch feeling of wanting to share a meal with someone ಥ_ಥ there is also something very raw in watching someone literally give themselves the strength they need to make it through the day, and it's not even extraordinary it's just.. they take care of themselves. each other (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) i hope to find myself in similar company one day.

[ningtual]

SU SU SU SUPER NOVA !!!

[jewishcissiekj]

First, hope you are doing good

Second, did you watched the episode? If yes is it just me or does Asajj looks like Elsa in the scene with the vrathean?

I did watch the episode I just really don't want to spoil it to people that don't want that but yeah. it's not just you. I was wondering what it reminded me of and I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I, 100%, see it. (the wet hair was very much Elsa on that beach in Frozen 2 lol)

[chickenparm]

weekly reminder that i'm not dead, just workin' on myself!

[obessivedork]

Buddy what in fuck are two Russian dudes doing in Boston 200 years after shit popped off in the Fallout timeline??? People haven't even properly rebuilt society yet apparently, there's no way they have inter continent travel!

[novelconcepts]

i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

[franeridan]

okay look I know I've talked about this at length already but I've seen a ton of people talk about how they don't like whiskey peak and how they think it wasn't necessary for zoro and luffy to fight like that or straight up think it was ooc of them, but then the same people will turn around and go "isn't it fascinating how zoro's the only one who can say no to luffy or nearly order him around or that luffy waits for the opinion of before acting for no apparent reason it must be because they are soulmates" and honestly for real I'm the first to subscribe to the zoro and luffy soulmates thought but the reason why zoro can do all that is whiskey peak. that is the moment zoro took a decision that benefited the whole crew without asking luffy first for the first time, and that is the moment luffy unjustly doubted him without implicitly trusting his judgement, and that is the moment luffy learned that actually sometimes zoro sees what's best for the crew before he does and that trusting him to always act with the crew's best interests in mind is something he should do. zoro had never opposed luffy or acted without his consent in any way before whiskey peak and luffy never doubts him and always turns to him ever since, there is direct correlation between the two zoro and luffy didn't learn to trust each other and respect each other through a magical soulbond connection their relationship is actually pretty damn well developed

[firebirdsdaughter]

The tragedy about the conflict of s3…

… Is that neither of them wanted it.

Okay, Neal kinda wanted it, I’m sure. Temptation. But he didn’t act on it, and he didn’t want it like this. Neal’s fault in this is that he could have walked away or said something at any point after, but he didn’t want to be in this situation. Mozzie forced him into it.

Peter sure as hell didn’t want it either. You can tell by how he either freezes up or get uncharacteristically emotional whenever it’s brought up. Esp by this point he genuinely cares deeply about Neal and wants him to get clean. The three things Peter loves most in the world are literally El, the law, and Neal at this point. He’s full on adopted this kid. He wants to be wrong, but he can’t compromise his belief in the laws and the system and the truth to not pursue it. He hates it, it takes so much out of him, and I think seeing Neal be hurt by his suspicions makes it all the worse, but this is Peter, finding the truth is who he is. S1 and 2 were slowly building the trust and relationship between them, and from Peter’s perspective, Neal may have just completely destroyed that. Thrown away everything he thought they had, and Peter’s attempts to help him go straight. But as much as it hurts him, he keeps the painting scrap out of evidence bc he wants to know first. He doesn’t want it to go on record and to have the whole Bureau come down on Neal. Despite himself he still wants to give the kid a modicum of chance—he also shows awareness that it could have been Mozzie or Alex.

And like I said above, Neal hates it, too. And not just being under suspicion again. At first, having Peter, the one person he completely trusts, accusing him, from his perspective, out of the blue after he just nearly got shot, after Peter just killed a man to protect him… Like that clearly just breaks his heart. Even during the opening interrogation, when he’s calmed down some, he’s still got that wounded look in his eyes—although I think he’s also clocking Peter’s unhappiness by that point bc it’s less offended and just sad. By that point he knows the treasure survived, but he does know he didn’t do it. He’s hurt by Peter’s suspicion of him but now he knows there’s a reason to be suspicious and he is hiding something.  But even after he finds out that Mozzie did it… Even from the onset, he’s not quite truly happy. And even though he knows it’s now justified, that there’s very possibly evidence connecting it to him/them… Even though he goes along at first… You can tell there’s something off. Old Neal would be much more excited, not hesitating and looking vaguely shell shocked. And I think when he finds out it was Mozzie and that Mozzie took it ‘for them,’ he feels like he has betrayed Peter. He gets visibly more awkward about deflecting, which I think is actually honest as opposed to a deception. He’s letting his real emotions dictate his behaviour—he’s genuinely hurt by Peter’s suspicion, he genuinely cares what Peter thinks, he’s genuinely uncomfortable with his new position. But even after all of it, Neal instantly realises that Peter is still protecting him by w/holding the painting scrap—and I think that realisation is the stepping stone for his character development the rest of the season, bc in that moment, he realises he hasn’t wholly lost Peter, and not in a ‘I can still play him way.’ In a ‘thank god he doesn’t hate me now’ way, bc Neal doesn’t want Peter to hate him, he never did, and he esp doesn’t now. As early as s1 he didn’t want to let him down, and now he feels like Peter’s completely cut him off—only to be given that one bit of hope for making things better. Which is what makes him believe in everything else.

Neither of them wanted to be put at odds like this.

[pls-just-let-me-marry-yeung]

Omg this is the first time I get this dialogue from him afshdiejjd

Look at him, he looks so sad man 😭✋🏻 He deserves to be able to play catch with Alex

[distort-opia]

The talk about Bruce’s relationship with the Family, and his abusive parental style, made me think of this specific issue in King’s Knightmares (Batman #61-63, #66-69) -- so I need to exorcise the thoughts before it starts bugging me. The arc is part of an ongoing effort to break Batman’s mind, orchestrated by Bane and none other than his father from an alternate Universe, Flashpoint Batman (who... well it’s just interesting to see that a Batman version of Bruce’s father is also not getting any ‘Best Dad ever’ mugs for his birthday any time soon). Bruce is strapped to a machine and pumped full of Scarecrow’s gas, having a series of hallucinations; each of them is centred around a different issue/important person he’s been grappling with.

The issue I mean is #62. In it, Bruce dreams that he’s restrained by a rope and hanging upside down, bleeding and bleeding, while Professor Pyg is standing there with a knife waiting to slaughter him. The comic is drawn in very bright colors, in a style that’s clearly supposed to evoke a psychedelic feeling and experience. From the start, we are more or less told of the key players (or symbols) of the dream: blood, a man in a mask, rope, a knife. All of these elements undergo change and impact each other, one way or another.

But the most important thing about this dream is that it’s clearly supposed to symbolically reflect the way Bruce relates to the Robins -- and more precisely, it reflects what he fears from them. The key to understanding this mess is keeping in mind who Professor Pyg actually is under the mask (Damian, his son), and who he represents.

What follows under the cut are lots of comic panels and wild extrapolation and interpretation on my part, since overthinking is my hobby. Fair warning, there’s lots of blood involved.

There’s already a lot to unpack, at the beginning. “The rope was talking, now it’s yelling. Understand, sympathize, thank it for its help. And cut. And cut.”

It’s an interesting contrast, the fact that the rope -- what’s keeping Bruce restrained -- is the one with a voice. Meanwhile, the “enemy”, the man in a mask (who, again, is actually Damian underneath) keeps talking and shouting, but Bruce cannot hear anything at all.

“They all want the same thing. Year after year they beg for it. And you can’t give it to them.”

What, Bruce? Love? Approval? That’s very likely it, and in light of this, I think the ropes in the beginning signify Bruce’s own emotions. What he always sees as an obstacle and something that binds him. They yell and they beg, but all Bruce really does is acknowledge them as he cuts them anyway. He escapes in order to attack Professor Pyg, whose voice Bruce still cannot hear.

“You should have heard him... listened... There’s a knife in you now.” Here an exchange of elements takes place. Bruce sheds the rope, and gains the knife. As the story progresses, Bruce tries to pull out the knife and survive, using the pain to ground himself. All along, he can’t hear a word of what his assailant is saying. But the inner dialogue begins to suggest (like on the cover of the issue itself) that what Professor Pyg is saying is “Little pig, little pig. Let me in.”

And Bruce does this:

He turns the knife on his enemy, but not for long. Bruce tries to interrogate him by inflicting pain, and has to remind himself not to kill him. All the while, Professor Pyg manages to pick the knife back up from the floor.

At this point, Professor Pyg begins to rant again, with Bruce not hearing any of it -- but all the while, his memories are coming back. He remembers being attacked by Bane, and by his own father. Slowly begins to realize that this is all a dream, that they’ve done something to him. He begins to fight Pyg with batarangs and then asks himself, “What is Pyg? A metaphor. A myth. A story. A dream.”

And here come the crucial elements to interpreting it:

“Your children aren’t safe. They’re dying. You love them, you created them, created their love, and they’re not safe.”

The “she” in there is Selina, of course. Since all of this takes place quite recently after Bruce proposed, and after she left him at the altar, a lot of the whole arc of Knightmares is Bruce dealing with that. There’s definitely an amalgamation in Bruce’s head, when it comes to his attachments: Selina, Alfred, Dick -- his children, all of it is love, and all of it is something he thinks he built. To Bruce, it’s all dead marble that he shaped and sculpted into being his ideal. It’s something he desperately wanted but couldn’t muster on his own, so he prayed to make it come to pass. 

In the end, he desperately asks Professor Pyg, “How did I get here? How do I get out?” And for the first time... he can hear the answer.

And then Damian leaves. The dream ends. Nothing is truly resolved, because Bruce has a couple more hallucinations before he manages to break out of it. The idea that Bruce built his love is the point his mind is trying to make through them, and the moment he gets confronted with that by Selina in issue #69 -- with the fact he didn’t truly love her, but that he wanted to (”I have to love you,” he says) -- he finally comes out of the dreams.

But in this issue... it’s just interesting to me that his Family, his children, Damian (possibly as a stand-in for all the Robins) are included in this too. What textually happens in the dream is Professor Pyg simply having Bruce tied up and talking while holding a knife, with Bruce attacking him twice -- and Pyg only stabbing and defending himself the moment he does.

There’s a continuous exchange happening. The rope never comes up again: Bruce thanks it for its service, but sheds the hold of his emotions. What’s left is the blood and the knife. The knife is the power love affords you over another. Blood represents all the things you lose when the knife sinks into you; it’s weakness. And it keeps switching. Bruce is overcome with blood and then gains the knife, and uses it to hurt a person he cares about. But then Damian gains the knife and all Bruce is left with is the blood. And all along, while Bruce is attacking, Damian is reaching out but Bruce can’t hear it. And what he’s saying is, “Let me in.” Bruce only hears it when he stops fighting and uses his damn words to ask.

I do believe Damian here is not just Damian. From the start, Professor Pyg is drawn in colors reminiscent of the Robin uniform, so I do think this applies more generally to all who’ve been Robin to Bruce. Always begging to be let in, and Bruce not being capable of it, because he inherently sees that as a threat; the edge of a knife, weakness. Always trying to talk to Bruce, but Bruce not hearing them.

The issue also pretty much says that Bruce thinks he made them, like Pygmalion made the object of his love. That he chose them to be Robins, and chose to love them, and made them love him. Not only that, but since this is all under the influence of fear gas, there’s also what Bruce sees as a threat... what he created slipping his control, and turning against him. The people who love him not getting their love returned in full, not being let inside, and thus Bruce finding himself under the sharp edge of the knife because he didn’t listen. And yet... the final nail in the coffin, I feel, is that the ending of the issue isn’t simply Damian leaving.

It’s Damian asking to be let in, with the “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down” another potential reference to how opening up to someone can make you weak. This is the answer to Bruce’s question; this is what he needs to do in order to wake up. Let himself be vulnerable. And then Damian waits, but Bruce just falls back into old patterns, the things he’s been saying to himself all along. “Evaluate. Reassess.” He doesn’t answer. And when Damian leaves, he doesn’t call out -- he just looks resigned.

The way Bruce is constantly torn between wanting love and his utterly monumental fear of it, which makes him crave control so badly and hurt so many people and in the end himself... it certainly makes me feel all kinds of ways. Some of which I can definitely descibe as ‘feral’. And sad.