#anyway. we can play that game too i just went the easy route

[hourcat]

Babe, I just want you to tell me who every driver is as a superhero. Make me a list. I wanna hear it.

logan omg this was so. SO HARD. ive been out of the superhero game for so long so truly this is all just.....i used a wiki page and can explain maybe half of these decisions. feel free to inquire. (also, these are all DC characters because i have not thought about marvel in quite literally a decade)

it was also hard because i didn't want to be A Hater whilst doing this, which is very big of me and i think the audience should be proud<3

anyway! love u and this is a fantastic q. nonsense (feat. sporadic commentary) under the cut 😁✌️

alex - apollo

logan - red arrow

carlos - wildcat

charles - green lantern

max - raven

checo - martian manhunter

esteban - plastic man (i based this solely on limb length.)

pierre - the flash

george - midnighter

lewis - wonder woman (i was debating which of the big three he would be and had all three here at one point but i do feel like wonder woman's ethos aligns pretty well with lewis in general)

kmag - aquaman

nico - booster gold

lance - blue beetle

fernando - constantine

oscar - firestorm

lando - robin

valtteri - nightwing (🍑)

zhou - the atom

nyck - vibe

yuki - kon el/superboy

daniel - beast boy

i also leaned on Big Ships so like. max/daniel = raven/beast boy. alex/george = apollo/midnighter. pierre/charles = barry/hal (even though personality-wise i think pierre is more hal than charles is but that's beside the point)

ps dont let this post erase the fact that robstar!piarles would go hard and i will die on that hill

[doonalli]

Hinako; Humanity in Affection and Connection (Hinako Character Analysis)

Hinako was probably the character analysis I wanted to write the most after Anzu, She is such an amazing character to me, but i just don't see any discussion on her at all, most of the time all I see is people just claiming she is only a plot device and not much of a character, or otherwise underutilised, which to me couldn’t be further from the truth. So I want to write an analysis on who Hinako is, and how she plays a part in YTTD.

To me all the dummies represent different aspects of humanity, Anzu represents it through her fear of death, Hayasaka represents it through his contradictory emotions, Kurumada represents it through his connection to others, Ranmaru represents it through his doubts, Mai represents it through her own autonomy, and I would argue that Hinako represents the physical aspect of humanity.

But over the course of the previous 5 analyses on the 5 other dummies one point that comes up again and again is that humanity isn't about the physical truth and it never was, and Hinako is no exception. Being an agent of Asu-naro her mindset is informed by theirs, you can see this is the way she talks about being used and the emphasis she places on "value" in general. Almost more like a tool than a person

And it's clear through her actions and reactions too, for example when Q-taro was stabbed and all the dummies went out of their way to help even though there was no benefit in this for them and Hinako just didn't get why, or a little beforehand when Ranmaru takes the tag from Sara (during the logic route). 

Hinako in those moments doesn't get why they would do these things for no real reason, when these actions don’t bring any value to them. 

Even from first meeting Hinako talks about information she can't share on account of using it as a safety net for herself: 

Right from our first meeting we can see glimpses into her ideology and it's easy to see where this mindset could have come from.

And later when finding about the secret information everyone has she claims that it gave them all new unique value, which no matter the choice, Sara denies as they have value anyways.

It's clear Hinako's mindset comes from Asu-naro, Kai, who's the character most similar to Hinako in this regard also shows this mentality off in how he pleads for his life with his “vital information for escape” during the first Main Game,

However, unlike Hinako, he was actually lucky enough to be able to escape the Asu-naro bubble. And we see the effects of that in his note to Sara on his laptop. 

The only chance Hinako gets is during the sub-game on the 4th and 5th floors, the Murderer Game, where she is placed along with the Dummies after she taking the place of the real Hinako. And while at first she seems to play into Asu-naro’s mindset, over the course of the chapter these beliefs are broken down for her, starting with Q-taro’s words after he got stabbed.

When Q-taro asks the dummies to work with them, Hinako is the most reluctant at first, asking him if he heard the rules, reiterating that one or the other has to die before she is cut off by Q-taro asking her an important question.

Hinako is shaken by this response, and as all the dummies start to help Q-taro 1 by 1 she is left behind with her protests. This acts as the first step to Hinako’s eventual willingness to connect however as of yet she isn’t convinced and that's shown during Keiji’s fight with Midori and its aftermath. 

During the fight she is the most actively detrimental to the humans, stopping Keiji from shooting the gun and grabbing Gin’s shovel to stop him from attacking midori, stating that:

And after Keiji is pushed into the coffin Hinako stubbornly states “Hmph… It's not our fault…” and after Ranmaru rips up the consent form that would have saved him Hinako reminds everyone that the dummies would have died if Keiji won and he still decided to fight despite that fact.

However once Ranmaru actually makes his intentions to save Keiji themselves clear Hinako immediately refutes it, asking:

And sticks to her sentiment by stating:

This mindset of hers is reinforced when the cast tries to move to the security office where Hinako tells them:

She physically can’t help Keiji even if she wanted to due to the red string of fate and she likens this to being a slave robbed of her freedom, something all too similar to what Asunaro’s mindset has been shown to us to be before.

However this mindset is proven wrong to Hinako once the collar pairings are turned off and she is freed from them. Still in disbelief, Mai then asks her to make up with everyone which she tries to fight back against by asking:

She is shut down once Anzu Hayasaka or Mai ask if she could really kill them. Anzu and Hayasaka specifically callsout their kindness while Mai fights back against it by claiming she’ll stop them herself.

Hinako still struggling to connect claims that:

Before finally breaking down and helping the cast by telling them about Midori’s ID card, giving up that “one or the other has to die” mentality from before and now starting to actually help find a new option. She agrees when Ranmaru asks her to come along and it is from this point forth Hinako starts to truly connect with the rest of the group.

And this is in a way shown off during the Maple fight where she can try to strike up a conversation with her:

Once Maple starts chasing after the group Kurumada gets injured, Hinako tells everyone to run to the 5th floor, and when Qtaro struggles to keep up she actually shows concern saying:

Rather than the refusal to care she showed before as the dummies all went to help Qtaro and when he just got stabbed on the monitor she shows him concern.

Then, when Gin tries to run back she reminds him that he will die, him and Qtaro both, and if Sara hesitates to close the elevator doors she will force them closed herself.

While Hinako isn’t outright showing affection in the same way others would, (likely as a result of how Asu-naro raises their agents without it according to Kai’s letter,) she still is concerned for others and that's an important difference to the Hinako from earlier who rarely did so.

This also shows again with her interactions with Kurumada. In the Logic Route, Hinako stays outside of the locker room during the puzzle alongside Kurumada, similar to how she stayed outside the lava puzzle in the boxing room earlier in the chapter. 

This could imply that she purposely protected Kurumada from entering, as her staying out isn’t mentioned in the emotion route, where Kurumada is staying behind with Kanna.

And when Kurumada attempts to deny the charger, if Anzu and Hayasaka died earlier in the chapter the action of telling Kurumada to use it on himself goes to Hinako:

Here Hinako is telling Kurumada to live, notably however, the way she goes about it is different to Anzu or Hayasaka who argue that they’re “allies”, instead Hinako argues from a more logical angle, telling him to just give it up and finally asking him a simple “...Why not live?”. It's clear that she does care for Kurumada and wants him to live, even if it's expressed differently to the others.

Hinako makes fun of him as he berates the dummies for not thinking things through by asking “Should the guy who got himself injured like this be saying that?”, a fun parallel to how Hinako protested against the dummies helping Q-taro by calling them idiots where Kurumada made fun of her instead.

Originally Hinako refuted when the dummies were helping Q-taro and now Kurumada attempts to refuse help from the dummies himself.

Kurumada then goes on to tell Sara his secret info, in his eyes removing the last of his value, a mindset Hinako herself operated under earlier when first finding out about the secret info, but Sara proves her words from back then with how she makes a promise with Kurumada to protect everyone, dummies included.

The next scene I want to talk about is a very important one, not only is it a major example of Hinako truly opening up and connecting with her allies, but it's also the first example of Midori taking that away from her, in a small way at least.

When Ranmaru stands over Kurumada thinking about possibly tagging him Hinako walks in stating

She reveals a collar reset device, specifically with the intention of protecting her allies.

It's also interesting that the device she reveals is specifically one that needs cooperation, just another note to add to Hinako’s newfound willingness to connect.

However after Hinako turns on the device and is about to explain how it works Midori walks in to take that from her and explain it instead, even using her (and Kanna/Sou) as an example for the shocking system, almost like a tool…

It's just a small example but nonetheless it is an example of Midori dehumanising Hinako in a way, by taking away her spotlight from helping the others for himself and using her. And this will eventually lead to a much bigger example later…

On a totally and completely unrelated note, once the cast gets back down to the 4th floor and are searching for answers as to where Keiji could be they find Mai alone instead, after giving her the ID card they all decide to follow her into a new room. Here Hinako takes the chance to use the hot drinks machine to carry a bunch of hot cocoa, and soon after asks if she can go to search the cemetery, when told it would be dangerous to go alone she decides to take Ranmaru along with her, further showing her affection for Ranmaru in some form.

Later we find out her goal here was to actually spill the hot cocoa on her coffin to protect herself during the banquet,

While it's unclear how much she knew about the banquet, she still seems to have done it for that purpose, not knowing she would later swap with Midori.

But its still important to add how she also spilt cocoa on Ranmaru’s coffin. At first it’s thought to be done as a distraction but if Hinako knew that unglowing her coffin with cocoa would save her then she would have had to know what spilling cocoa onto Ranmaru’s coffin would do too.

Ranmaru then leaves to “check up on Kurumada”, leaving Hinako alone, and an announcement from “Keiji” is heard, leading Sara to go into the classroom alone and get stunned.

Once Sara regains consciousness in the Kanna lives route Hinako will return without Ranmaru, and once the topic changes to Kurumada’s whereabouts Hinako makes a joke about Kurumada possibly being dead, however her expression quickly changes to a worried one once she realises no one actually checked, showing her concern for him yet again.

This joke is also similar to the types of dark jokes Kai, the other Asu-naro member of the cast, would make, furthering that connection.

The Logic route however has a much less… lighthearted scene… Instead Ranmaru ends up killing the remaining Yabusame and Hinako reacts to this with a hatred for Ranmaru, one only beaten by Kurumada’s. She calls him out for wanting to save himself and Ranmaru berates her, asking when she decided to switch sides, to which she can’t respond.

This bitterness continues to the pre-banquet where Hinako asks Sara if it's alright to leave Ranmaru free, something awfully similar to how she talked earlier in the chapter about being not being free, she goes on to state her want for revenge against him before playing it off as a joke. Finally she remarks that they could just leave Ranmaru powerless once the banquet is over, asking Sara if she really is going to forgive him for killing Yabusame and ending with the notion that there isn’t any point taking it out on her with a dour expression.

If Ranmaru died she is less vengeful on account of there being no one to take revenge against, instead she remarks that if it weren’t for Ranmaru’s “stupid betrayal” she could have been a bit happier with everyone alive, then she tells Sara is a shame about Yabusame, before telling her to keep her head up with the banquet ahead.

It's important that she yet again shows her newfound concerns for others, even admitting that she would be happier if more people were alive, but it's also important that it was Ranmaru who betrayed everyone as Hinako was shown to be close to Ranmaru when she saved him and she explored with him, so to have him do this and sort of act like a tool for Sara goes against everything she’s learnt.

In the Emotion Route though Hinako is much happier, even admitting as much when Sara asks, remarking how amazing it is they were all able to make it in one piece if all the dolls survived then playing it off as “better than being torn to pieces”, she then makes Sara swear to bring the dummies back after the banquet.

If all the dummies survived Kurumada will request for a song, Hinako listening in will confess that it's pretty nice even at a time like this. The song itself is named “Tunagu” literally meaning “to connect”, and its here is the truest form of connection between everyone in the cast and with Hinako. In this moment, Hinako can truly say she is human… but it doesn’t last long.

When entering the coffins for the banquet she is always first or second to enter, likely as she believes she will be safe due to her coffin no longer glowing after being hot cocoa’ed, but as the coffins are buried under the ground Midori calls for Hinako, and while it’s unknown the exact circumstances they end up swapping coffins, and this choice ends up dooming Hinako, as she is later betrayed by Midori and killed, seemingly unexpectedly.

This action ends up dehumanising Hinako, relegating her to just a tool for Midori, despite all the growth she displayed, it's all taken away from her at this moment. She dies, not even having her own choice in the matter, unlike the others (excluding Anzu) and in turn she dies, still under Asunaro's grasp. Midori being in a non glowing coffin also puts Ranmaru back in danger, when he should have been safe, taking even that part away from Hinako.

Hinako’s relationship with Midori also works as a dark parallel to Sou and Kanna’s, Kanna’s claims of not being useful matching Hinako using her usefulness as a safety net, the care Sou inevitably has for Kanna versus the lack of care Midori has as he kills off his allies. It's what Sou and Kanna would’ve been without the affection they had for each other.

The effects of that are seen throughout the rest of the Banquet, Hinako ends up being presented as possibly an enemy when Q-taro claims everyone who's died so far has been an ally, however, Hinako’s last words end up exposing Midori and give the participants another fighting chance.

Despite Hinako physically being a human she isn’t treated as such because that's not what humanity is about, and that's the tragedy of Hinako, but even so, for those few moments where she truly connected with the dummies and the survivors she was really “alive”, and she was able to, in some small ways, truly be free from Asunaro.

And in a way it was all because of the connection the real Hinako Mishuku and Alice shared, which gave our Hinako the chance to connect with others too, and with that, just like Kai did before her, she finally learnt one aspect of what it meant to be a human, to connect with others and to show affection and have that same affection given back to you.

================================================

Hinako undergoes a drastic change from the Hinako we saw at the start of the chapter, but recounting what she has done over the course of the chapter you can see the natural progression she takes to get here. It can be easy to disregard this aspect of her when we find out about her connection to Asunaro after she died, but I think that's a disservice to Hinako, and I think she is so much more than the banquet twists.

There is plenty to Hinako, from her growth as a person and her learning to connect, to showing the effects Midori and Asunaro have over her, to simply showing off another aspect to what makes a human, and it's why I think Hinako is genuinely such a great character that i can’t wait to see more of. Not to “fix” her or give her something but to expand on what's already there, because she is a character like any other.

I don’t think Hinako’s character is over yet of course, i’m certain there will be more from her in 3-2 and in her Minisode but I do think that Hinako is already a full character, albeit a tragic one, I don’t think she was misused or killed off to early. Hinako’s character exists for reasons and those reasons were genuinely fulfilled, she shows the effect Asunaro and their mindset have on their agents, and just how trapped they are, in a way no other character really could, and she adds yet another layer to the themes of 3-1 and humanity as a whole.

I think calling Hinako a waste of a character or to simply write her off as a plot device is unfair to who Hinako is and her purpose in the story, I think that there is a lot to here already in game that people don’t see because they insist Hinako exists solely for the twists during the Banquet and thats sad :( So hopefully at least this post will get you to appreciate Hinako a bit more and see her as more than just a tool, in universe and out of it too.

Short part 2 type thing -> Here!!!!

but this has gone on long enough, I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!

[light-yaers]

Take Care: Chapter Nine

Fic Masterpost | AO3 | Chapter List

Warnings: swearing, eventual smut, emotional themes.

A/N: i love angst and i love it when roy acts like a middle aged white woman at a wine party where he laughs too loud and pretends he's having a great time just to get through it all

Word count: 6.5k

Chapter Nine

After a few weeks, you’d already got used to the tube journey from Richmond to Somerset House. You reluctantly found out that, despite London being one city and the tube routes being easy, it was so fucking huge that it took you almost an hour to get to work. Maybe that was your fault for staying in Richmond instead of moving, but you didn’t mind a longer commute into the City of London if that meant you got to stay put.

Pluto Press was unique, and you felt proud to have a position there. Your desk was by the window, looking over the Strand outside. Your colleagues were nice, and you got to work alongside artists and writers wherever you went. It was like a dream come true. Which was why, as you arrived home on the Friday of your second week, you couldn’t understand why you felt so… shit. You felt lonely, isolated, and so overtired that you were certain your brain wasn’t working at full capacity. You missed the team at AFC Richmond, talks with Keeley and Rebecca, Ted’s american jokes– Roy.

Since his last game, Roy had gone off the grid. You were lucky if you randomly saw him out and about in Richmond. You’d attempted to meet up with him after his retirement press conference, a month after the end of your placement and his injury, but to no avail. And even now, staring at your phone, glass of wine in your hand as you settled in for another Friday night alone, you had the urge to text him. You downed your wine before you did, and dropped the glass onto your coffee table as you opened up Roy’s and yours text chain. Then, you typed:

Are you coming to the game tomorrow? I’d love to see you!

Enthusiasm wasn’t the key to Roy’s heart, but you’d run out of options to get him to respond. It was only a friendly match, anyway, since the season was still a few months out. You wanted to imagine him there tomorrow, black shirt and black leather jacket donned, hands stuffed in his pockets, as he settled into his seat at the Dogtrack– not as a player, but as an admirer, maybe. 

When you sat in the owner’s box the next day, with the whistle about to be blown, you couldn’t stop calling yourself an idiot. Why the fuck would Roy want to come back here, of all places? The pitch where he played his last game, the stadium where he trained for his last season ever, surrounded by the people who got to keep playing after he all but faded away. 

You settled into your seat with a sour taste in your mouth and a frown on your face. Keeley squeezed your hand affectionately. “You okay, babe?” she asked. 

You shook your head, trying to get yourself out of this hole. “I asked Roy to come,” you told her. “Stupid, really.”

Keeley frowned at you empathetically. “ You tried, babe, but I think that’s all we can do right now after his retirement.”

You nodded, feeling sick. “Yeah.” You forced yourself to perk up, to focus on the positives, and abruptly shot up from your seat. “Come on, Richmond!” you screamed into the void, in some attempt to make you feel better about it all. 

That feeling only lasted so many days. By Tuesday of the next week, you were back to feeling overwhelmed, overtired, and so lonely that you genuinely didn’t know what to do with yourself. Most of your colleagues at work didn’t live anywhere near the west, so you were forced to leave after work drinks early, or not go at all, just to get home at a reasonable hour. 

The walk from Richmond station to your flat was becoming so dull that you could hardly stand it. One Thursday in the beginning of July, you elected to cut through Richmond Green and travel a longer route home, just to stop your brain from imploding. You left the station in the complete opposite direction to your flat, and said fuck it in your head. You passed over the green, treading along the concrete paving around the edge, until you reached Mae’s pub. 

To your surprise, inside you saw the unmistakable moustache of one Ted Lasso, sitting opposite the familiar hat donned by one Coach Beard. Your heart soared, and you bound into the pub before you could tell yourself to slow the fuck down. Ted spotted you as soon as you entered the bar, and stood up immediately. You realigned your direction of movement and took a hard right, heading straight towards the coaches.

“Well, howdy–!” You wrapped your arms around him before he’d even finished speaking. The happy smile on his face quickly dropped to a confused frown. Ted embraced you warmly, and it was clear to see that something was very wrong. “Hey–” He was going to ask if you were alright, but he stopped himself. “It’s okay. It’s alright.”

Beard peered up at the two of you, his face stoney and thoughtful. His finger tapped on his chin in subtle curiosity and concern. Ted didn’t urge you to say anything, not for those few moments where he held you tightly. Beard gestured to Mae at the bar, and whispered “One lager, please, Mae. On our tab.” She brought it over in a matter of seconds, and you finally pulled away from Ted long enough to suck in a breath. 

You glanced at the beer on the table for you. “Thank you, Mae,” you croaked, turning to look at her as she strolled back to the bar. She smiled at you warmly, and you finally took a seat alongside the coaches. “Sorry, Coach. Didn’t mean to ambush you,” you breathed out. 

“I don’t mind it, not when it’s you who’s doing the ambushing,” Ted said, taking a sip of his beer and waving it off like it was nothing. 

“Seems to me like there’s something going on,” Beard chimed in, and took a sip of beer to mimic Ted before him. His eyes seemed mischievous, like he was looking for gossip, but that was generally what Beard looked like when he wanted to know something. He was like an old, wise owl. He placed his beer back on the table. “It’s either that, or I just haven’t noticed that you’ve always looked like you’re in the middle of an existential crisis.”

“Very funny,” you let out, tapping your glass anxiously. “I’d go with the former over the latter, Beard.” 

“I know,” he said, before he smiled at you knowingly. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You frowned at the table while Ted and Beard waited patiently for you to open up. You felt silly. How could you put your loneliness into words when it felt so unnatural? You had no reason to feel so terrible. You had a great new job, lived in a gorgeous neighbourhood, and had everything you could possibly want in life. You had the guys, and couldn’t wait until the season started up again in a few months, despite them being relegated to the Championship. You had Keeley and Rebecca, two strong and powerful women who you could confide in and rely on if you really needed to. You had… Well, that was just it. 

Did you really have Roy anymore? 

“It’s so stupid,” you started, trying to keep yourself steady, but all composure went out of the window as soon as those three words left your lips. “I have no reason to be this way. My new job is fucking fantastic, and I still get to live in Richmond, in my flat that I love so much, and I still get to go to games and see the guys and walk to Nelson Road across the green. This is all so fucking stupid.” You smacked your hands over your face in frustration. “I have no reason to feel this alone.” Your words were muffled beneath your palms, but Ted and Beard still glanced at each other with concern. 

“You’re feeling lonely?” Ted asked gently. 

You dragged your hands down your cheeks and sniffed through your snotty nose. “A little bit.” 

“A little bit.” Beard mimicked you. You scoffed abruptly, and it felt good just for a second.

Ted shuffled next to you, and readied himself to speak. “Lemme tell you something about loneliness,” he started. “When you feel it, you always feel silly. You feel like a dang moron, because all it does is make you think about all the people you have in your life that are there to listen to you, yet when you reach out, you pretend not to feel that loneliness, am I right?” 

You remembered the text you’d sent to Roy. So over enthusiastic in some attempt to hide how awful you’d been feeling. When he didn’t respond, or give you any indication that he’d even read your message, it just made you feel even worse. If you’d been honest, maybe he would have been more inclined to reply.

You nodded at Ted in understanding. “It’s hard sometimes. To tell people close to you that you’re struggling.” 

“Oh, don’t I know it,” Ted said. “That’s the catch, ain’t it? You wanna keep things light, you wanna keep things happy, but sometimes you can’t. And that’s alright. It’s okay to feel lonely, and tired, and tearful. Don’t beat yourself up for any of that.” 

You held onto Ted’s words for dear life. You’d never understand how he was able to be so optimistic, so constantly happy. No one was truly like that, so you bet it was all a bit of an act. Even so, Ted had a way of getting through to you. His words resonated, and you found yourself listening to him more than shrugging him off. He was good to you. You had the small green, army man that he’d given you for good luck, in your pocket or your bag constantly, moving it around like a chapstick from garment to garment. 

Even now, as you gently stuck your hand into your jacket pocket, the army man was there. Gun raised, knees bent in a defensive stance, ready to protect you. 

“Have you… heard from Roy?” you asked. 

Beard looked at Ted sullenly, almost, and you understand immediately. “Roy will be Roy,” Ted said, smiling at you halfheartedly. “His retirement press conference, though– jeez, it didn’t half tug on my heartstrings, here.”

“The end of an era,” Beard said, widening his eyes with grandeur. 

“I haven’t seen him since the Man City game in May,” you said. “Two months.”

“He’ll come around eventually,” Ted said, trying to reassure you, but you were sure that nothing but seeing Roy’s face in person would be able to do that. Ted suddenly perked up. “Anyway, how’s the new job! Got some new friends? Got some new besties? Oh– have you met anyone special yet?”

If you didn’t already know Ted, this would be incredibly out of the blue. But, you did know him. He was sweet, and kind, and capable of distracting you from your sadness. He made you feel welcome, and loved, and thought about. And– he made you roll your eyes to oblivion. 

You did just that, rolled your eyes into your skull with a smile on your face. “Job is great, but the dating pool is still very much dry, Ted.”

“Dang it!” he exclaimed. “Maybe the guys were right, all those months ago, huh? You should get on some dating apps, just for funzies.”

“Keeley has been wanting me to try out one, to be honest. It’ll only be a matter of time before she forces all of you guys to get on it,” you said, pointing at Ted and Beard in warning. “It’s called… um– something with a B. Like, Bantz, or Bumz. I don’t know.” You waved your hand in front of your face, giving up on remembering. 

“Might be worth a try all the same?” Ted said, egging you on. 

You sat for a moment, thinking, before you nodded. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I should put myself out there, yeah?”

“Heck yeah,” Ted said enthusiastically. “No harm in it, right?”

Was there any harm in it? Surely not. You were a single woman, you were free to branch out. But, underneath it all, there was still something that held you back. Without meaning to, Roy’s head popped into the back of your mind. All that you’d shared over your year at Richmond, that unspoken thing that fluctuated between you. 

You thought back to his final game then, as you remembered it all. The gentle way you held each other’s faces as you knelt on the floor beneath him, just to be close, just to let him know that you were there. The soft way he’d draped his arm over your shoulder as the team gathered after relegation. Despite the loss, and the end of his career, Roy had still laughed alongside the guys. His fingers had skimmed over your knuckles under those fluorescent lights, noticed by everyone, but it had all gone unsaid. It didn’t need to be mentioned, not when everyone had known this was bound to happen eventually. 

You and him, him and you. It fit, didn’t it? 

But, with the silence of the past few months, you didn’t know anymore. Maybe it was just the proximity, the familiarity of being around each other, that had made you believe it all to be so. Roy hadn’t said a word to you in months, hadn’t tried to. Had it all been in your mind?

As you finished your pint with Ted and Beard, talking about the new season, you forced yourself to stop thinking about Roy. You’d let him know you were there, and it had gone unreciprocated. As much as a part of you still yearned for him to be near, you had to stop putting in effort when he wasn’t trying to do the same to you. 

The name of the dating app was Bantr, and as soon as you messaged Keeley to say you were doing it, she replied with a winky face. You scoffed to yourself as you filled out your profile, and within an hour had got chatting to a guy from Richmond. 

The thing about Bantr; it was anonymous. You knew ages, and usernames, and location, but not actual names, or looks. It was a refreshing change from other apps, and you found yourself having a great conversation. Within a week, you’d already arranged to go out for dinner in the town.

As you walked to your date, a week or so after seeing Ted and Beard, you spoke to Keeley on the phone for a pep talk. 

“What if he’s ugly? Or boring?” you said. 

“Give it a chance, babes, you haven’t even met him yet!”

“I know, I know. I don’t think I was made for dating apps, honestly,” you let out, laughing to yourself to avoid a proper anxious meltdown. You thought you looked quite good, as you wore the same jumpsuit that you had for the charity ball last year. It was amongst the only fancy clothes you fucking owned. 

“You’ll get used to it. How long has it been, anyway?”

“Since I’ve got some, or since I’ve been on a date?” you joked. 

Keeley cackled down the phone. “The date. No– both.”

“A long time. For both, unfortunately.” You could practically feel Keeley grimacing.

“Go and get some then, babes,” she urged you on. “You never know, he might be your soulmate.”

You felt sick immediately, and frowned in disgust. “Ew, stop talking like that. Soulmates aren’t real. And if they were, I doubt I would meet him on Bantr.”

“Stop being so cynical,” she said, like a teacher telling off a student. “Take it from me– even if he’s not your soulmate, still try and have a good time, alright?”

You laughed softly. “Alright,” you gave in. 

“You deserve some fun! Promise me you'll have fun,” Keeley said sternly. You would never be able to deny her. 

“I promise,” you let out, alongside a smile. 

“Tell me everything. Love you.”

“Love you too, babes,” you said, before you hung up. 

You dropped your phone into your bag, and inhaled sharply as you made your way into the restaurant. Maybe this would be a good thing. A change of pace, something to get you back out there into the real world. As you waited at the bar, you shoved away the thought of Roy from your head. He didn’t belong there anymore, not when he’d made no attempt to stay close. 

Rebecca had been right. Footballers were dangerous. Especially the ones who pretended not to care. 

You spent the first twenty minutes of your date wondering if you were being pranked. There had to be a camera crew round the corner, there had to be some presenter who would pop out and tell you it was all a massive joke– because he was gorgeous. 

Lucas was his name. He had a face that lit up a room, and a voice that whacked you in the chest. For a week, you’d been discussing books, films and all the things you enjoyed over text. That didn’t change when you were face to face, but the accompaniment of seeing his face was definitely a plus. He bought you drinks, and was interested when you spoke, and all the things you’d been dying for over the past few years of being chronically single. 

“You’re new to the area, aren’t you?” he asked, as you finished your main courses. 

“Partially,” you said, tapping your wine glass. “I moved here last year for a masters degree.”

“Oh, fantastic. In what?”

You let out a breath. “It’s sort of a long story.”

“We’ve got time,” he said, smiling. “We still haven’t had dessert.”

Jesus fucking Christ, he was utterly perfect. You told him everything. The mix up from the university, the placement being at AFC Richmond, of all places. You spoke about your time there in depth, not even realising that you’d been whittling on about the guys, and Ted and Beard, for a while. By the time you were done, your dessert plates were thoroughly devoured, and you’d both moved onto something a little stronger. Lucas swilled a whiskey, and you clutched onto a gin and tonic. 

“That sounds like an awfully big adventure,” Lucas said, awestruck, when you were finally finished. 

“It was a blessing in disguise, really,” you said, smiling to yourself as all the memories of the year came flooding back. “I still got a position at Pluto Press, and I got to know some of the best people I’ve ever known. Luck was really on my side for this one, I think.”

“Definitely sounds like it,” Lucas said, gawking at you with eyes that only made you feel one thing; heard. “So, you’re still friends with them all?”

You nodded. “Absolutely. I saw Ted and Beard last week, actually. They convinced me to get on Bantr, funnily enough.”

“Well,” Lucas said softly. “You’ll have to thank them the next time you see them. I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.” Your heart lurched in your chest. You fought the urge to look away and cool your face down by fanning your hands. “Also, you need to do me a favour,” he continued, and you smiled questioningly. 

“What’s that?”

“I was a big Chelsea fan growing up, the biggest, if you can imagine it,” Lucas said. “My favourite player of all time was number six, Roy Kent.” Your heart dropped into your gut. When before it had been pumping happily, it was now a stone in your stomach, ready to be ejected through your windpipe. “The next time you see him, can you get me his autograph?”

You stopped breathing for a moment, from a lack of what to say. As soon as Lucas saw your face, he changed his demeanour immediately. 

He leant forward and looked at you with a gentle smile. “I’m totally joking,” he said quickly. You could breathe again, and found yourself stuttering out some chuckles of relief. “It was a joke, truly,” he repeated himself. 

The two of you shared some awkward laughter, but you were thankful it was all a bit of fun. “You scared me,” you said. “You don’t know Roy. If I asked for an autograph he’d fully think I’d gone mad.”

“You seem to know him quite well,” Lucas figured out. “I’m probably barking up the wrong tree, but he doesn’t seem like the friendly type.”

Your chest burst with the need to defend him immediately. “That’s not true at all. Don’t believe what the press says,” you said quickly. “Roy is… he’s… well– an arseshole, completely, but…” You swallowed, allowing yourself to think of him, just this once. “He’s also one of the kindest people I know.”

Lucas smiled, satisfied. “I’ll take your word for it,” he said. 

He paid the bill, and batted away every attempt you gave to pay half of it. As the two of you left the restaurant, Lucas put his arm out for you. You took it graciously, and the two of you walked back into town together. He walked you to your door as you continued your conversation, and when he rose up the steps to your building, he gently let your arm go. 

“I had a really lovely time tonight,” he said. 

“Me too,” you smiled. You meant it. 

“I’d really like to see you again,” he said strongly, before he backed up slightly. “Only if that was something that you wanted, as well, of course.”

You were already laughing by the time he’d finished. “I would love that, yes.”

“Great,” he said. “I’ll call you?”

You nodded, and he nodded too, both of you smiling like two school children who’d just discovered crushes on the other. As he left, you watched him walk away and around the corner. You felt giddy, you felt content, and you couldn’t believe it had all gone so well. Part of you was certain it was all too good to be true, but you followed Keeley’s advice as you entered your flat. You told yourself not to overthink it, to let yourself have a good time, to embrace something going well for once. 

Even so, as you got ready for bed at home, your mind kept flashing back to Roy. He was part of you, and it was impossible to ignore it all. As much as you shouldn’t have, you felt guilty. You and Roy had never been a thing, never gone there, yet you felt like you’d betrayed him, almost. The happiness from your beautiful evening quickly descended into sadness. You’d never felt more lonely than this, despite having a lovely meal with a gorgeous man. 

You dropped yourself onto your sofa, and brought out your phone. Quickly, you clicked on Roy’s name and began typing out a message. You sent it before your slightly drunk self could take it back, choosing to be honest with him for once in your life. 

I miss you. 

As the season kicked off, you focused on work. You applied yourself generously, and were hanging out with your colleagues in the city even more so. You took Keeley’s and Ted’s advice on board– you opened yourself up to more. You went on a few more dates on Bantr, including a second date with Lucas, over the next few weeks. 

None of them had worked out well, apart from Lucas himself. He’d kissed you after your second date, and you’d had to tell yourself not to invite him into your flat for a drink. You didn’t want to rush it all, didn’t want to dive into something that you were enjoying at this pace. Despite being in need– desperately, if you were being honest– you held yourself to a higher standard than that. Not that there was anything wrong with having fun and sleeping around, but you were out of practice. You’d rather sleep with someone you knew a bit more, before jumping straight in. 

Lucas seemed fine with that, too. He made an active effort to call you occasionally, and you’d both talk about work or your plans or your friends and family. He made you laugh, and that was a big green flag in your eyes. 

“So, when are you going to fuck?” Keeley said, and you scoffed abruptly. You both sat in the owner’s box at the Dogtrack, watching Richmond’s third match of the Championship season. July was well and truly over, as the second week of August had just begun. 

Still– nothing from Roy. You’d stopped caring to count the days. 

“Not everything has to be about sex,” you hit back. 

“Sure, I know that. But if he’s really as gorgeous as you say, why the fuck haven’t you yet? Are you playing hard to get?”

“Absolutely not. If anything I probably reply too fast to his messages,” you said. “I just… I don’t want to rush. We’re having fun, and he’s lovely, and– I just don’t need to worry about when sex is going to happen or not happen.” You made yourself believe the words you were saying, but you were definitely lying.

Keeley saw straight through you. “It’s going to happen on your next date, isn’t it?”

“God, I fucking hope so,” you burst. “It’s been over a year for me, you know.”

“A year? Like– a calendar year?”

You nodded severely, like it was the worst thing in the world that you hadn’t been dicked down in over 365 days. Since moving to Richmond, you’d never had the opportunity to, if you thought about it. You had your work colleagues, who overlapped as your friends. Shitting where you ate was always a bad idea, especially with a bunch of footballers. As much as they were all gorgeous in their own ways, you couldn’t imagine sleeping with any of them– well, except…

“What about Roy?” Keeley’s tone changed to something much softer. Her gaze hit you gently, and her eyes told you it was okay to open up to her. “You didn’t ever… you know.”

You frowned as soon as she brought him up. You shook your head, not knowing what else to say. When Roy was brought to your attention now, all you felt was anger. Red, burning rage, penetrating deep into your bones. Your prior loneliness and sadness had turned to being pissed off. 

“No. We never did.” Your voice was blunt, plain, so devoid of anything other than severity, that you hated the way you sounded. You let out a sigh, and told yourself to push forward. “He’s a footballer, Keeley. And you know exactly what he’s like. Maybe I thought something was there, but it’s been three fucking months. He hasn’t contacted me at all, and honestly– I’m done with it.”

Keeley quickly dropped her hand into your lap, clutching her fingers over your own. She smiled at you. “Screw him. You’re so much better than you were last month, so fucking screw him.”

You smiled at her, feeling your anger dissipate. You were lucky to have her, Keeley, because she wholeheartedly understood you. She supported you, and held you when you needed to be held, and yelled encouragement at you when you needed it, too. It was then, as Richmond failed to score a goal, and subsequently performed their third tie of their season so far, that you couldn’t wait for her to meet Lucas. Maybe this would turn into something great, if you only let yourself fall into it. 

A week later, across the green and beyond his neighbourhood, Roy stared at his phone for the umpteenth time that day. He had no new messages, no missed calls, not even any notifications from Dominos or Pizza Hut. He counted the days in his head– thirty-four– since you’d last contacted him. That message, the last one you’d sent him, saying you missed him; he still found his gut coiling and his chest compressing when he thought about it. 

As he oversaw his under 9’s girls football team on the pitch, he slotted his phone back into his tracksuit. This was all getting to be too much for him– missing you, avoiding Richmond, growing out his fucking hair– but he couldn’t seem to shake himself out of this after-retirement slump. 

He regretted the conference. Putting his heart on the line at the end of his career, bursting into tears behind the microphone and in front of the press. You’d messaged him about that, too, saying that you were proud of him, that you wanted to see him, that it’d been a while. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to respond. He was a prick, he knew that more than anyone, and the fact that he was actively avoiding you and other people who gave a shit, made him feel even worse about it all. 

It only made him want to stay away more. 

Maybe he could coach these under 9’s for the rest of his life, and live in seclusion, only interrupted by his yoga mums and an occasional glass of rosé. 

He entered his house that evening, grabbing a beer as soon as he did. He popped off the top, and glugged back a few gulps. The evenings were bright in summer, and it only made his house feel emptier. He glanced around his living room, skimming his eyes over his overflowing bookshelves, when he caught a look at your article. 

He’d framed it, and placed it in the middle of his homemade cards from Phoebe. As much as it stung him to look at now, it was a reminder of you. Those months together at Richmond, his final game, all of it. He thought of it all more often than he wanted, as his mind roamed and landed upon things that only made him feel worse. Going from playing football everyday to this was a big change. It hurt his heart profusely, but he knew it was partly his own doing.

He’d cut himself off from everyone, shut himself away for the foreseeable future. In some ways, he felt he deserved it. He’d battered away every attempt at people to reach out. You, Ted, Keeley; their names sat in his phone with messages from over a month ago that he’d never responded to. He gulped back more of his beer as he started getting angry at himself, and a split second decision had him finishing his drink and grabbing his house keys. He left his empty house and headed into town, as the sun still shone high over Richmond. 

You hugged Lucas as you approached the bar, and your table outside. He kissed you on the cheek affectionately, before he pulled out your chair. You sat, and he confidently waved over a waitress to take your drink orders. 

This was nice. Your third date, and neither of you could get enough of the other. You sipped on wine and talked about your daily lives, sharing jokes over some olives, as the sun skittered across the lush outside space of a central Richmond bar. 

“How are they doing?” Lucas asked, popping an olive into his mouth. 

“Not good,” you said. “They’ve tied three games in a row. Not the best after relegation, really.” You shrugged, picturing Sam’s sullen face after the game last week. 

They were all so tired, all so capable, but they’d lost Roy. It was doing a number on all of them. They missed their ex-captain.

“Hm, that’s a shame. What do you reckon is holding them back?” he asked. 

You often felt giddy when Lucas asked you about football. He listened to what you had to say, took on board your points, and thought you knew a lot more about the sport in general. It was a welcomed change from what the guys at the club had thought of your knowledge. 

“Lots of things, I suppose,” you said, taking a sip of your drink before you started. “Having Ted and Beard was always going to be a learning curve, but that wasn’t the reason for their relegation. Jamie Tartt was taken back by Man City a few months before the end of their previous season, which drastically made things worse, amongst other things.”

Other things being Roy. 

“Other things?” Lucas said, and you wished he hadn’t. 

You were trying this thing where you didn’t bring up Roy when you didn’t need to. It had helped you a lot so far, over the past few weeks, and kept your moods happier in general. When you thought of him, it was often difficult to get him out of your mind again. It only ever reminded you of the past few months of silence, and no one needed to be in the firing line for that– except him. 

Nevertheless, you sucked in a breath, and drank a large gulp of your wine, before you forced yourself to continue. “Well, their final game of last season. Other than the loss, and the relegation itself, they were definitely shaken up by–” You stopped, but not because of anything in your mind. 

Your heart catapulted into your throat when your eyes focused on him. Black t-shirt, black leather jacket, black jeans. His hair had grown out. He looked scruffy, and unkempt, and all the things that he hadn’t only a few months ago. You noticed his limp first, next to the steely gaze that he shot to the world around him. 

“Roy.” His name burst from your mouth.

He was fast approaching, about to pass the bar, and you didn’t want him to spot you. You weren’t in the mood to see him now. You wanted to enjoy your date, and get laid afterwards, and not think about him ever. 

Lucas hummed and nodded. “Oh, yeah. Losing Roy must have been a big change for them, you’re right.”

“No– uh,” you said, suddenly leaning forward to clutch onto Lucas’s arm. “Can we go inside? I suddenly have a really bad chill.”

Lucas widened his eyes at you in concern, but he didn’t seem to catch on. “Really? It’s still quite warm. I can grab you a blanket, would that help?” he suggested. God dammit he was so considerate, and kind, but you didn’t think a blanket would fix this. Panic set in tenfold.

You rethought your escape plan. “I– I’ll go to the loo, and grab one on my way out,” you said frantically, standing up far too quickly. 

Your leg hit the table abruptly, sending a sharp pain through your kneecap. You squeaked, and your glass toppled over suddenly. It was too late to be stopped, as it fell from the table and smashed upon the floor. Glass shards littered the concrete, and your presence was alerted to everyone at the bar, and beyond. 

Lucas got up swiftly, and clutched your arm. “Are you okay?” he asked, worried. 

“Yeah, I just–” You looked up, and you froze. 

Roy Kent stopped walking, as his eyes focused on your face. You felt your blood boil uncomfortably beneath your skin, as his gaze took in the panicked expression on your brow. The jig was up. He’d spotted you, due to your utter clumsiness, and a wave of upset ravaged in your chest. 

The first thing Roy thought when he saw you, was how much you were glowing. You hadn’t glowed like that in a while, not unless he counted the night of the charity ball, or when you’d interviewed him in his dining room. The sun settled over your shocked expression, a look that should have made you look scary, like a deer in headlights, but it only made his heart lurch. 

There was a man before you, clutching onto your arm as he asked you if you were okay again. He rounded the table and held you close, and as he did you finally looked away. You smiled at him, clearly embarrassed that you’d broken a glass and whacked yourself. That look was one that Roy recognised– you’d looked at him that like many times before.

This is what he’d allowed himself to pass by. You, and drinks in the summer, chatting over a bowl of olives as you swished a straw into a spritzer or got froth on your upper lip from a beer. He was a fucking idiot. Roy told himself this was it. He could either go over, and get you back– get it all back– or he could miss this opportunity and never fucking try. When he started walking again, you snapped your gaze back at him in warning. 

Roy chose to ignore it.

You could’ve punched him.

“What was that all about–?” Lucas said, as he followed your gaze. He stopped short as soon as he saw Roy, and smiled excitedly as he looked back at you. “Is that… Roy Kent?”

You inhaled sharply, deeply, trying to calm yourself down as a wave of anger rose from within you. “Yes. Yes, it is,” you said, giving up. There was a look on Roy’s face that you knew well, that fake smile that he put on for people, when he was pretending to be a joking version of himself.

“What a coincidence!” Lucas exclaimed. 

You hummed, trying to keep your tone light. “Massive,” you said bluntly. 

As Roy stepped towards you both, you felt your chest crumble ever so slightly. Lucas peered at him like an awestruck kid. This was the last thing you’d ever wanted to fucking happen. 

Roy gestured to the broken glass on the floor. “Think you dropped something.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” you said, as you inhaled his words for the first time in three months. Alongside your anger, you felt your throat start to close. Seeing his face again after so long was a hit. 

“Roy Kent,” Lucas said happily, sticking his hand out. Roy shot you an amused look as he leaned in and shook it. “Big fan. I’ve heard a lot about you from this one,” he said, gesturing to you affectionately. 

“Have you now?” Roy said. The sweet way he was talking was all a farce. He was playing nice for your sake, but you had a horrible feeling that he was going to go overboard. 

“Yes. All bad things,” you said, smiling sarcastically. Lucas laughed loudly, and Roy smiled overenthusiastically, like someone at a pantomime performance. It was incredibly off-putting, and made you feel slightly sick. It was probably overlaid from the deep panic you felt in your gut, amongst other things. 

Roy and Lucas parted. As they did, Lucas peered down at you. He took one look at your face– your gaze stuck on Roy bluntly and trying not to scream– and utterly misinterpreted your emotions. “Would you care to join us for a drink?” he asked Roy. 

You sucked in a breath. “Oh, no, he’s–”

“You know what,” Roy cut over you. “I’d love to.”

After a year of knowing him, you knew this was it– this would finally be the time you punched Roy Kent in his fucking face. 

CHAPTER TEN

Tag list: @atjamesbbarnes @20th-centu-fairy-girl @royalestrellas @weakmoony-stuff@ironmanmagnetfridge @lemonpiegurll @hellomagicalsouls @her-fandom-sanctum @gothicwidowsworld @old-enough-to-know-better73 @djarindroid @afraidofshrimp @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @queen-of-dumbasses @sogoodtoheritsvicious @lznnph1l @crav1ngc4ke @onceuponaoneshot @jamieolivia27 @dadbodfanatic-x @kelp-dreaming @harrypedro465 @lonely-escape-artist @abeeabeeabee @nicklet94 @libsybum  @cha0sdreaming @toomany24s @kashee-h @infinetlyforgotten @secretnook @cluelesslilsharkie @callmecasey81 @deepdarkvelvet @twiceinabluemoon @cardeegans @golden-hoax @kingleahhh @hoalkk1 @sunderland-6 @ellouisa17 @thesestrangerslikeme @elissaaa @scrumptiousroadponymoney @confessionsofatotaldramaslut @ysmmsy @seacactusplant @pedritosgirl2000 @loveslide @ryleyrooroo @hanybunch @tweasley20 @witchyanya-7

[thatmooncake]

What is your opinion on the books hinting that Moon shouldn't have existed but the Faz-pads most expensive menu items is moon themed? And the posters, plushies, and the infamous sphere? I loved your other 'rant' (for lack of a better term in my sleep deprived mind) and it got me thinking...

I’m guessing you mean the Moon that appears in The Bobbiedots who was originally built to be the “dark side” of Sun and once worked as a theatre animatronic?

Okay spoilers for The Bobbiedots, Somniphobia and Security Breach and some rambling thoughts ahead:

In short, I think the books’ canon (even from one book to another like say Bobbiedots and Somniphobia) and the games’ canon are more like AUs of each other than anything else, so basically different explanations will be given in different stories to fit that book or game in particular. So, Bobbiedots Moon wasn’t meant to exist in the daycare, but it looks like Security Breach Moon was. That said, I LOVE exploring the different versions of Moon and how he’s used in different stories, so if anyone wants to take the long scenic route with me, here we go!

Bobbiedots Moon

Theatre kid extraordinaire. A little too committed to the bit. Bobbiedots Moon doesn’t fit in his world - not in the daycare anyway. In The Bobbiedots, they’re busy dealing with an evil apartment. They don’t have time for poor Moon, no matter how badly he wants them to sleep.

Bobbiedots Moon feels like a bit of a throwback to the animatronics in Sister Location who had all these “interesting” design choices, like a stomach hatch for storing children (which totally wasn’t going to be used for evil, come on guys …).

In Moon’s case, he’s so good at being a pantomime villain (which is what he was made for from what we can tell - who bets he got booed because the kids wanted the sun to come back up and when the lights went out they’d fake snore and he’d go hunting down the naughty ones who couldn’t help but laugh?) that he’s no good in the daycare (personally I think the staff just weren’t imaginative enough in that universe to do naptime, or to appreciate the charm of a weird clown telling off wobbling toys for not sleeping when his recognition sensors inevitably failed him because they couldn’t be bothered to fix their broken animatronics). And he’s easy to exploit because he’s so committed to his role.

I don’t think Moon was evil by default when he worked at the theatre - at least not beyond his villainous role. He had an audience of probably more people than he could grab, and I’m guessing Freddy’s wanted repeat performances so their customers would keep coming back. Did he kidnap a child or two when the lights went out and everyone was confused? Maybe, if he was virus-riddled enough. Did he become a lot more unstable when he and Sun were moved to the daycare? Probably, but it’s not his fault he was an afterthought in a cheapo organisation that seems to think using precariously-placed backup generators is a better solution to their problems.

Security Breach Moon

Meanwhile, the Security Breach version of Moon has a TON of merch, a dish at the restaurant (Masa-Moondrop curry, yum! 💖 By the way, I totally recommend checking out this recipe ), and even his own little candy adverts. He’s on a statue, balloons, plushies, and even on the daycare pass right next to Sun. It would take a LOT of accidental advertising to put Moon all over the place if he wasn’t supposed to exist in Security Breach.

I think that, unlike the Bobbiedots Moon, Security Breach Moon was supposed to exist. Like you said, he’s got merch everywhere. It’s a big deal. And Moon’s merch matches all of Sun’s merch, so to me it makes sense that in the backstory of the game’s universe they both had a friendly role to play (I can’t imagine why they’d make a Moon plush with no one to hug him. The thought makes me sad. It also seems like a bad business move on their part so I’m opting to believe he was originally meant to be a friend to the kids).

But it looks like things took a turn at some point (as they so often do in the FNAF universe), as Security Breach also has the cheapo lighting in place, and Sun is pretty adamant that we don’t wake up Moon. And in this case it’s pretty clear that Moon has been infected by the Afton virus. He sounds like a bot with just one thing on his mind: putting you to bed at all costs.

Moon is a major player as far as the evil Afton operation goes in the game too. They picked a perfect bot to do their dirty work. He’s super strong - he knocked out Freddy and dragged him away with no problems. He’s also super agile - he can navigate all the tight twists and turns in the Daycare with relative ease (I pointedly ignore the version in my game while I make this statement as he seemed to spend most of his time getting stuck in the tunnels and slides kekeke). And he always seems to know where you are - the Glamrocks wander until they have you in their sights, but Moon makes a beeline for you the moment he can get his hands on you even if you’re inside Freddy’s stomach compartment. He works in the dark when no one can see him coming. He’s basically the perfect replacement for the night staff and makes it a million times easier to capture wayward kids.

There are also a lot of hints in the game that suggest that Security Breach Moon might have actually been reprogrammed to respond this way, and/or that he was used to reprogram the others.

The back areas with the endos are FULL of Moon merch, advertising, and so on. There are also a lot of posters teaching the animatronic endos how to behave, as well as a little room that looks a LOT like a little replica of the daycare play area. I’m pretty sure that this is where the animatronics (or at least the virus-riddled endos) were reprogrammed to capture children - maybe including Moon.

(There are a million things I could say about this poster and how it bears a strong resemblance to a bunch of things from earlier games but that’s for another time and another ramble …)

Somniphobia Moon

Meanwhile, over in Somniphobia, we have Moondrop’s dream sphere, where Moon ponders his orb, or perhaps his new friends who are now trapped inside it forever since it seems like he’s been stealing more than a few souls over there.

The dream sphere is not mentioned in The Bobbiedots or seen in Security Breach as far as I can tell. Whether it exists or not in those universes is open to interpretation, but it serves a clever purpose in Somniphobia. In this book, our favourite uncanny night jester spends his time luring unsuspecting victims into the dreamscape slowly without them realising. The protagonist actually has a few opportunities to escape the pull of the orb, but he just can’t put the dream sphere down because it takes him back to his favourite memories with his (now dead) father, and it makes their time together feel so real.

The dream sphere is advertised as a study guide, and it’s popular with older kids and teens. (Moon has the range). Our regular chase-you-down-and-force-you-to-sleep Moon is nowhere to be found in Somniphobia (whether he exists at the plex in the daycare or anywhere else in that universe is anybody’s guess) and instead we have sweet little Moondrop from the dream sphere who doesn’t speak but will let you see your wildest dreams. At the cost of your mind, which is now going to live in a sphere I guess or be harvested.

Can you befriend the little Moondrop from the dream sphere? Does he know he’s part of a creepy soul-stealing operation? The book doesn’t really say, but if he’s anything like most of the other animatronic/AI characters in the FNAF universe, I’d be willing to wager he’s just doing his job (showing people what they want to see) and being used as a prop for more nefarious soul-snatching schemes. (Curse you Fazbear Entertainment for giving us this funny little guy in a magic snowglobe and making him steal our souls along with our hearts!)

Conclusion

Essentially, I think Moon is being used in basically all the universes he appears in because he’s so perfectly built for capturing and retrieving wayward souls, but the way he’s being used differs a little between universes. In some universes it’s just not as convenient to have him showing up in front of a large audience thanks to his programming, but when the lights inevitably go out he has a tendency to show up nonetheless!

[wyvyrnygo]

So I've been doing a pokemon sleep nuzlocke... (PART 1)

I think I should probably put my progress in the run on my tumblr too

So here's the rules

normal nuzlocke rules

sleep to get your starter (not the pikachu you get at the start of the game)

the first pokemon you befriend each day in pokemon sleep is treated as an encounter for a route in the actual pokemon game (for this i'm using hgss)

Once per week you can get two encounters in 1 day by doing 2 sleep sessions in 1 day.

I'm also using FFXVI themed nicknames for this (so there will be images of FFXVI characters next to the Pokemon that's been named after them in this post, which may be spoilers?).

Anyway here's my progress for the first week

(Note: All Pokemon Sleep Encounters in this week were done on the Cyan Beach island in Pokemon Sleep)

Day 1: My starter is Rattata (named Gav), which is a pretty good Pokemon for nuzlocking HGSS early on to be honest (Guts + Dark Type Coverage). I mostly played up to the first rival battle on this day

Day 2: My first "encounter" is Spheal (named Jill), one of the most adorable ice types. Oh and Ice types will pretty much clear the first two gyms easy. I mostly just went through the first few routes to Violet City today, I wanted to wait until I had 3 Pokemon before doing the first gym, even though it's likely to be easy with just

(Edit: I remembered just after finishing slowpoke well that ice type doesn't actually do super effective damage against bug and now my entire life is a lie 😅)

Day 3: My second encounter is Eevee (named Clive), this one is going to be interesting to use due to the options it presents, however I'm currently thinking of having it become Flareon for use against the Steel and Ice gyms later on. Also Flareon is fluffy and huggable uwu. Today I started by clearing out Sprout Tower before the first gym

Anyway, Jill the Spheal sweeped the first gym easy, that's Badge 1/8 and the first stage of the nuzlocke done, I imagine the next gym will be easy. I'm not sure what my counter to Whitney will be yet honestly, it may require sleeping until I get a ghost or fighting type. For now I've just done Slowpoke well and will wait for tomorrow for another Pokemon before doing the second gym

Day 4: On this day I didn't get much sleep so I decided to add a new rule to this run - once per week I can get two encounters by having two sleep sessions in one day. So here is day 4's two encounters - Midadol the Mankey and Charon the Sudowoodo. These two are going to be really helpful. Mankey can handle Whitney's Milktank and Sudowoodo can handle Bugsy's Scyther.

And now we have a full team by Pokemon Sleep's standards (Note: Compared to a normal nuzlocke of this game, we're still 5 encounters behind, this new rule will hopefully even it out a bit as well as help me get enough sleep on occasions I get not enough to function)

Also Bugsy is in shambles, Sudowoodo wiped his entire team with Rock Throw. So that is 2/8 badges. The big challenge is next - Whitney's Miltank always worries me

Day 5 and 6: I couldn't continue the run during these days due to being busy preparing for a Yugioh tournament as well as other stuff. But here is my pokemon sleep encounters for those two days. Otto the Croconaw and Tarja the Ekans

Day 7: Our day 7 encounter was Morbol the Bellsprout (I went with a monster name because I couldn't think of a character that fit that evolutionary line better) This is probably going to be more helpful as a poison type than Ekans honestly

Also I put the two encounters I couldn't put in the game due to being busy into the game

And that is the end of week 1 of the Nuzlocke, Goodbye Snorlax!

For today I will just be progressing my way towards Goldenrod City, I'm still pretty busy right now so I won't be doing the gym until Day 8. Hopefully Whitney's Miltank will be easier than I think it is, I do have a strategy forming for this fight though thanks to Bellsprout and Mankey.

Anyway I'll edit this post as I go along I think (this may need a seperate post for week 2 since idk if im getting too close to the character limit for posts)

PART 2

[cursedvibes]

Sukuna looks so ugly in Megumi’s body lmao

Anyway!! Spoilers.

Wtf is going on with Yuji? How is he not dead? That’s interesting. And yup Sukuna is straight up trying to kill the kid.

It looks like Megumi’s is trying to fight back and regain control of his body but I would really kinda hate if he succeeded? Like are you telling me that he just happened to be another character with restrictive vessel potential?? It does feel a lil bit like bullshit so I hope it doesn’t go that route, with Megumi taking control.

Also Gege really said fuck Hana. I don’t think she died at all but huh. These weekly releases are agonizing, so many things happening and you gotta wait weeks until the new web of events weaves itself.

Yeah, idk what it is but I'm not really feeling that Sukuna. Maybe because Megumi makes him look even more like a school yard bully. Good on him for experimenting, but sometimes you have to accept that that dye job is just not working for you.

Well, Yuuji got punched through some buildings before (when being attacked by helicopter guy) and came back relatively unscathed. Even when he had no CE Higuruma called him an "unbreakable doll", that's gonna be even more true with CE. Compared to Shibuya he improved a lot, we just didn't really get to see it before. Besides, Sukuna didn't actually penetrate his chest, the force of the hit just ripped his back. And that punch alone managed to hurt Sukuna too.

However, while I didn't expect him to die, I was surprised by how quickly Yuuji bounced back. Proven once again, Yuuji's a tough boy and Kenjaku had complete faith in him. I'm sure his anger at Sukuna also gave his natural capabilities an extra boost.

Sukuna might be trying to kill Yuuji or at least incapacitate him, but he's doing a bad job at both. Generally, he's been pretty tame so far except for that Nue attack. As we can see by his point count (or lack thereof), he hasn't killed a single person yet. Terrible Culling Game player He also went oddly soft on Hana. She was right there in his arms and all he does is rip her arm off. He doesn't even eat it. Considering that Angel can probably regrow or reattach limbs, that's not a very consequent method to take care of a problem. It might take longer because she's exhausted after Jacob's Ladder, but it isn't a life threatening injury. Shows he is struggling way more than in Shibuya, which is partially his fault for not properly taking care of the problems that are thrown at him.

Yeeah...I expected Megumi to come into play somehow, but it does feel a bit tired to have yet another twitching vessel. However, even if he did get back full control, I don't know how that could be a permanent state. I still don't think he suppresses Sukuna as easily or well as Yuuji. He'd have to be constantly on the lookout, even sleeping might be difficult because Sukuna is gonna try to overwhelm him. And they have to kill Megumi to get rid of 15 fingers of Sukuna for good. It's not like he can just vomit Yuuji's finger back up. The chances that he succeeds at all beyond hindering Sukuna during a fight are pretty low though. Between Sukuna & Yuuji, Kenjaku & Geto, Toji & Ogami's "grandson" and the reincarnated sorcerers, Yuuji is the only vessel who regained control over his body. But maybe Megumi will be #2, who knows...won't be easy though and as long as Sukuna is inside him, he has to die one way or another.

[muninnhuginn]

Top 5 Ace Attorney characters and why, including spin offs!!

1. Miles Edgeworth

2. Phoenix Wright

3. Mia Fey

4. Ema Skye

Couldn’t decide who to pick for 5th so just did top four.

Went slightly overboard with my reasons so I’ve chucked them below the cut.

Miles Edgeworth

I probably don’t show it too much nowadays but he is one of my all time blorbos ngl. His character arc is just so well done over the trilogy and then tied off with a bow in the Investigations games.

So, like, with Edgeworth the thing is that his dad was a defence lawyer and that one aspect plays out into the first trilogy pretty strongly. Phoenix becomes defence before of Edgeworth whilst Edgeworth is pushed into the role of prosecution because of von Karma. If not for DL-6, the trajectory of both of their lives would have been so different. And it’s not until von Karma is gone that Edgeworth is free to explore what he himself wants his role to be.

Of course, being... not the most emotionally aware or communicative he takes a long route about it (“accidentally implied I committed suicide” is an original detour, I’ll give him that :V). But as of 3-5, he’s in the position where he takes on Phoenix’s role and is therefore able to see what could have been if he had grown up to be a defence lawyer instead of being forced into prosecution. It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s super important character-wise that he has that opportunity and it forces him to consider his own role as prosecution/defence. And tbh I would've been happy if they'd finished it there with him, but then we have the Investigations games which actually tie off the stuff with his dad and take him to his final decision. Even though he was initially forced into it, he is now proud to be a prosecutor. That’s the role he wants to take.

I’ve barely even said anything about DL-6 either but the first game actually does a lot of heavy lifting in terms of his character because it’s there that he takes his first step and chooses not to head down the path he was straying towards (evidence forgery, lack of belief in defence attorneys in general). Instead, he takes on the view that defence and prosecution working together will get to the complete solution and they both have to trust in each other and try their hardest to get there. But honestly, Edgeworth’s character develops in every single game pre-time skip even if it’s clearly not easy for him. And speaking of not easy for him, I really like how his fear of earthquakes is kept up throughout and never diminished. It was a refreshing treatment when I’m used to a lot of series introducing a phobia just for it to be overcome and never mentioned again.

Anyway, on top of all the stuff above, I like him because it feels like you really have to earn it as the player before he has his first breakthrough? And even once he's had that he's still fairly abrasive/arrogant/lowkey socially oblivious (which makes his interactions with characters like Gumshoe hilarious) but there’s now an understanding underlying his interactions with Phoenix. (Also, even before he mellows out it’s fun to see him going full fan about Steel Samurai)

Phoenix Wright

I know people who say player characters have no real personality because they exist to be projected onto and whilst I can see why that comes about I don’t actually find it an issue with Phoenix? Probably helps we get peeks at him from other POV characters at times, but honestly his inner monologue is just incredibly entertaining. And the disconnect between what he’s thinking (read: snarking or panicking about) vs what he actually says and does is a great source of humour tbh.

My main issue with him comes from the way that in aa4 he gets this alternate characterisation and then come aa5 that’s just... entirely wiped? I’m under the impression there was a load of rewriting/re-steering the series and aa4/5 fell victim to this, but I can’t help but feel if you’re going to overhaul a character like that you should at least try and commit to it? Carry over some more poker references or ways of acting so it doesn’t just become some bizarre aside. Show that even if Phoenix has mostly returned to “normal” that that entire saga (which in canon lasted years) has had an effect.

But like, even despite that, he’s one of my faves. He’s impulsive and doesn’t have his brain screwed on at times but once you’ve earnt his loyalty you have it for life. Mainly though, he’s hilarious.

Mia Fey

Honestly I was pretty neutral on her until aa3 and then her arc there is actually what won me over. Mia as a rookie especially was really humanising? For the first two games most of what we saw of her was this mentor figure who would guide Phoenix but mainly existed as a mentor before anything else. And then third game comes along and we get to see she bluffs it just as much as Phoenix and also she has terrible taste in men. She gets annoyed with terrible defendants (Phoenix), terrible prosecutors (Edgeworth), and just like Phoenix later on, she’s determined not to give up despite setbacks.

And I do really like her connections because that’s where her role shines. She’s Maya’s sister, she’s Phoenix’s mentor, Godot ostensibly killed to save Maya for Mia. Something something that post about haunting the narrative. That’s Mia, affecting the story long after her death. And she drags herself back into the story to get her closure, protect Maya, and pass the torch onto Phoenix. She gets the closest thing to a happy ending she can get. And then she’s gone. For real, this time.

Ema Skye

This is probably my scientist bias I cri. But she's one of the few characters you actually get to see grow up because of the age she is in the first trilogy/investigations vs second trilogy. So you can kinda compare and contrast how bubbly she is initially vs her later “done with everything” self but with the excitement still peeking through. It’s surprisingly realistic how she changes and is much better handled than Phoenix’s equivalent personality shifts imo.

I'll freely admit there are characters with much more to them but eh. Her theme is catchy, she’s a scientist, she likes chocolate fingers, I’m a simple person.

Misc

I have some characters I suspect would make this list from dgs if I could just make myself finish the games >_< (I've been stalled mid game 1 case 3 for months now). I don't want to put anyone from that there until I've finished.

Also shout out to Apollo and Maya who both have plenty of good writing behind them but just don't click as the type of personality I'm interested in :pensive:.

Bonus worst characters round: Hotti, toothbrush guy, the Badgers.

[mayuuunaise]

honest first impressions of the litg s4 cast so far

male islanders:

james - he seems like a real sweetheart and earnest about finding something real in the show but then again so was ibrahim and look how that turned out LOL he also seems to have a default crush on mc? i don’t blame him tho tbh. but it’s definitely easy to rile him up and i can see him being flustered w most of the other bombshells too.

kobi - thankfully does not seem to be noah 2.0 given that he’s stuck with a wannabe hope. seems to still be open to coupling up w someone else but has settled for lexi bc she’s safe (aka waaay more into him, from his perspective). idk it’s fun to casually flirt w him bc he isn’t as averse to it like noah and seems to think it’s all in good fun.

will - i’m biased bc his aesthetic is sooo pleasing and i’m thinking of doing his route LOL. i was pleasantly surprised that he liked it if you went off on lexi since he seems too chill for that. not that he likes drama but he doesn’t care for anyone two faced - likes it more when you’re honest about things which is v refreshing coming from a bobby route in s2. will be voted as most afraid of commitment though i’m calling it and i can’t wait for that drama to start

hazeem - seems like a nice dude but dear god his mustache is terrifying and i have no idea how that’s attractive honestly. feels like the “always the mate” of the season. i really don’t have much of an opinion about this dude except that he has great taste in women apparently!

female islanders

lexi - a definite hope 2.0 and i won’t be surprised if she kept watching season 2 religiously and tweeted “it should have been nope 😕” god i love riling her up so much i kind of wish she wasn’t paired w kobi so i could steal her man lol is she an li bc i will die if she’ll be a frenemies to lovers route come on my dudes

najuma - SHE’S FUN, SHE’S FLIRTY, AND SHE’S HERE TO HAVE A PARTY. i’m pretty sure that the reason najuma and will decoupled was bc they really couldn’t see a future w each other and respected that. she seems ready to shake things up but it definitely is not w hazeem. lowkey wish that her 2nd LI is a female islander honestly!

angie - seems super cool but likely the guy she has an eye on will be a bombshell too. she just doesn’t seem to be vibing w the guys romantically. chill and not about drama but doesn’t really look away from it. i don’t really have much of an opinion about her but i love her aesthetic and think she’ll be a good friend.

thabi - she’s so sweet and everything hannah could have been! i almost feel bad about choosing will but he’s the only one so far that’s caught my eye LOL but she doesn’t seem to have any hard feelings and i appreciate that she doesn’t think too badly of the mc when you do tell her that you’re just playing the game. honestly i think will might be awkward around her and likely knows about her little crush. u can cut the tension w a butter knife and it’s not really the good kind of tension u feel me

mc - give this girl a tv did she not watch the show?? we usually have like inside gossip of our own from bombshells (e.g. chelsea). but also i’m just assuming that the footages haven’t been post processed yet so the public is likely still on episode 1 when the mc drops in. anyway i appreciate that we can get options for a kind of “do no harm, but take no shit” attitude.

special guest:

narrator - idk the sense of humour feels off somehow and i miss all the cringey jokes.

[erimeows]

Yellow Roses

The first time was a learning experience.

Bumblebee had been innocent to the ways of human gift-giving back then, unsure of what to get or where to get it, but after using the internet and looking up where to buy gifts for humans, he found that there was a gift shop down the street from where the Autobot base was, and he begged and pleaded with Sari for some of her allowance money “for something important”.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to get. What he was sure of, though, was that he was completely enamored with you and had been since day one- and he couldn’t bring himself to confess yet, but if he didn’t channel his feelings somehow, they were going to burst.

But as he approached the gift shop on that sunny day in Detroit, no other than Optimus Prime walked out and bumped into him. Thankfully, before he could fall back at the impact, Optimus reached out and caught him, placing him back on his feet with one strong servo. 

“P-Prime, hey!” Bumblebee grinned and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. He knew he wasn’t guilty of anything nefarious, per say, but he had no idea how Optimus would feel about him being in love with a human and wanting to buy gifts for said human with money that wasn’t his. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, nothing much...” The other Autobot blatantly lied and hid a bouquet of blue and gold flowers that Bee didn’t know the name of behind his back, face burning the brightest shade of red the smaller bot had ever seen it. “Are you looking for something in particular?”

“I don’t know, I mean, what do humans even like?” Bumblebee muttered without thinking, and upon seeing Optimus’s optics widen, he raised his servos defensively and shook his head. “I mean, uh-! Never mind! What’s up with the flowers?”

“Ah,” Optimus gave an awkward grin and held the flowers in front of him instead of continuing to hide them, probably realizing that it was too late and Bumblebee had already seen them. The younger bot wondered if they were for Optimus or for someone else, but he didn’t dare ask, only listening to his leader talk. “I learned that unlike some other organic planets, on earth, it’s considered rude to pick plants if they’re in close proximity to someone’s home or in front of a public building or park unless they’re a specific type called weeds, which flowers aren’t, but I wanted to buy some for someone, so I came here to pick them up after asking Sari about it. Are you gift buying, too?”

“Well, yeah, I guess you could say that,” Bumblebee looked away and held his forearm in one servo, anxiously shifting his weight between his stabilizing servos. It felt like him and Optimus Prime had reached into the cookie jar and caught each other. 

Bumblebee didn’t dare ask who the flowers were for even though he was dying to know in fear that Optimus would ask who he was at the gift shop for in return. An uncomfortable silence fell onto them momentarily, both of them quiet and staring at each other with the noise of traffic and the bustling Detroit citizens walking on the pavement who kept passing by to keep them company.

“I’ve been doing some reading since Sari’s birthday is in a few months,” Optimus tried to continue the conversation and cleared his throat. “The customs for gift giving can involve about anything when it comes to human girls, but the most common are flowers, books, chocolates, jewelry, clothing, video games, or gifts of practicality, which just seem to be hygiene products and things they can use in their daily lives. Gift cards and vouchers with money on them are also common, but considered less personable, so I wouldn’t go that route if you’re close with the one you’re buying for unless they specifically ask for it.”

“Oh... I gotcha. Good ideas, bossbot!” Bumblebee smiled again, the corners of his lip-plates sore from how forced it was due to his nerves.

What if Optimus had figured it out? That would defeat the whole point of his plan; buy you nice things and leave them at your door in the middle of the night without his name attached. It was simple and easy, but if Optimus knew before he even got to try it?

Well. That made it a lot harder.

Thankfully, though, Optimus gave him a nod and bid him a good afternoon, then walked away.

Bumblebee found himself letting out a sigh of relief.

Thank Primus...

...Hours later, Bumblebee regretted all of his life decisions. He was sitting, holed up in his room with one audial pressed up against your wall. It was a terrible habit of his, but he eavesdropped on you pretty frequently when he heard bits and pieces of you talking through the wall, and he was doing it right now.

He wasn’t sure how he had expected it to go, but when he dropped the bouquet of yellow roses at your bedroom doorstep when you were out for lunch and no one was in the halls, he had hoped that you would simply take the flowers, appreciate them, and never say another word. However, you were currently telling Sari about it, which made sense considering that the young girl dropped by your room often and asked you to do her hair or makeup as an excuse to spend time with you- you were an adult, a lot older than Sari, but the two of you got along very well considering that you were the only one who actually knew how to take care of her properly when Isaac Sumdac wasn’t around.

“I have no idea!” You exclaimed, no doubt in reference to the flowers. Bumblebee cringed. What if Sari made the connection that the money he had borrowed from her was for that? What if she told everyone, or what if you told everyone, and Prime realized why he was at that gift shop and let his secret slip? “I can only assume it was you or one of the guys, but like... I don’t know who.”

“Yeah, I have no idea! It wasn’t me, I would’ve just given ‘em to you. We should dig deeper, (y/n)!”

Oh. Oh, Primus, no. 

“I’m not sure, Sari, whoever it was probably dropped it off like that for a reason,” Bumblebee heard you sigh, and at the same time, he let out a sigh of relief. Maybe you would just forget about it and-

“Wait! Do you have a secret admirer!?”

Dammit. Maybe not.

“I... Highly doubt that, the only one I’d be interested in anyways is-” You started, and then cut yourself off in a way that made Bumblebee’s spark shatter and crumble into little pieces inside his chassis. You were single, but you were already into someone? What if it wasn’t him? He’d understand, of course- Prime was stronger, Prowl was smooth, Bulkhead was talented, and Ratchet was intelligent. Compared to them, he felt like he didn’t have much to offer you. Everyone around him was amazing, and he was just there, but... He loved you, and he wanted you to know how loved you were. So, whether you’d love him back or not, he’d keep giving everything he had to you; even if the way in which he went about it was indirect. “Actually, never mind, but your braids are done-”

“No, wait, you can’t just gloss past that!” Sari whined. Bee almost didn’t want to hear the rest of your discussion, but he couldn’t keep himself from listening. “Who is it, who is it!?

“Let’s just go play Animal Crossing in the living room, we can talk about all of that at a later date, yeah?” You offered, voice laced with both your amusement and confusion. 

“Fine, fine, but you have to tell me soon! Pinky promise.”

“Fine, pinky promise. Now let’s go.”

Bumblebee heard your door open and close, followed by what he presumed to be you and Sari’s footsteps in the hallway. The sound eventually dissipated.

The Autobot was left to lay back on his berth and stare at the ceiling with a huff.

You were telling others about the gift he left, trying to get to the bottom of it, and you were into someone or somebot he didn’t even know about.

What had he gotten himself into?

-

The second time, he felt a little better about it. It was a week later and he hadn’t heard any discussion of the subject amongst the other Autobots, so he assumed nothing had come from it.

But, as he lounged on the living room couch, he jumped upon you sitting down on the couch’s arm- right by where his head was laid.

It made sense that he had been jumpier around you over the past few days. Part of it was the usual I’m-in-love-with-you-and-super-tense-about-it jumpiness that he had become accustomed to, but it was made worse by the fact that he was guilty; guilty of keeping a secret from you, of indirectly lying to you. He could’ve done it the one time with the roses and let it die down after, but when you’d talked about your old game controller breaking the night before at the dinner table, he hadn’t been able to help himself- he went and got it along with a new bouquet of yellow roses, left it in front of your room later that night, knocked, and ran away.

It was the next day, and understandably, he’d been anxious about it. It was better than the first time, but he was just hoping you wouldn’t talk about it.

Of course, he was never that lucky, and you looked at him with the controller literally in your hands. 

“Hey, Bee, do you know anything about this?” You asked.

Had he been caught? Did you know? Or were you just trying to get information from him in case he knew something? Unsure, he decided to play it safe and act oblivious. 

“Huh? What’s that?”

“I’m taking that as a no, but someone left this new controller on my doorstep with a bouquet of roses? I needed a new one, but I only mentioned it to you and the others, so I think it’s one of you guys... But this is the second time I’ve received a gift without any name on it and I’m really confused. I’ve done some asking around, but the only one who seems to know anything is Optimus, and he won’t give me any hints and insists that he has no idea what I’m talking about.”

Great. So, Optimus probably realized why Bumblebee had been at the gift shop last week. Well... From what you said, it sounded like Optimus was at least decent enough to stay out of his business and keep the secret for him- or try to, at least. 

“Yeah? That’s weird, I don’t really know why he’d be like that about it... Wanna play Streetfighter?”

“Sure, but I’m just super confused, man,” You muttered, turning on the playstation and giving a frustrated huff. The game quickly turned on, and while Bee took the old controller, you connected your brand new one and chose your stage, your character being Akuma. Bee chose Ken to fight with and listened to you continue as the game started. “I thought the first time might’ve just been a one-off thing, but it’s happened again, and the flowers were one thing, but now it’s flowers and a new controller. Anyone else would be creeped out, and I’m not creeped out- more flattered than anything since I know it’s from you or one of the other Autobots- but this is really expensive... I’d at least like to be able to say thank you!”

“That makes sense, I think I’d feel the same way,” The black and yellow bot mumbled. The game had hardly started and he was already losing due to his inability to focus- it was so bad that he couldn’t even combat you when you crowded his character into the corner and kicked him over and over and over again. His health bar dropped to zero, signaling that you’d won round one.

Round two started, and he did a little better; actually jumping away from your cornering attempts and offering some blasts and punches, but by the time it ended, he’d only gotten you down to half health, and you were delivering your final blow. Ken fell to the ground, Akuma still standing. 

You didn’t even press replay despite being player one. No, instead, you let out a huff and stared at the ceiling. Bumblebee found himself resting his helm against your thigh without thinking, enjoying the warmth against his faceplates. You two were best friends, very comfortable with each other and with physical affection, so you didn’t mind it, only running a gentle hand over one of his audials in return. 

Both of you set your controllers down. It was obvious that both of you were so focused on the subject of your anonymous gifts that the game didn’t catch either of your interests like it usually would. 

“I might try to ask Optimus about it again tomorrow... Information extraction,” You joked, but Bumblebee quickly sat up and objected. 

“Wait, I don’t think that’s such a good idea!”

“Huh? Why not? He’s the only one who’s given me so much as a reaction,” You argued and stood up to turn the game system off, then started pacing around the room. “And I guess his eyes getting all wide ‘n stuff may have just been something else, but like... It’s all I’ve got to go on.”

“Yeah, but you know how the bossbot is,” Bee stood as well, trying his hardest not to look like he was in the midst of blowing a circuit from the panic that was currently taking over his processor. “He shuts down when you push him too hard. If he knows anything about it, you gotta wait for him to come to you with that sweet info.”

“You’re probably right, Bee, thanks for the advice,” You smiled, and then walked to him to put a hand on his shoulder plate. “I’m gonna go to bed, ‘kay? Goodnight.”

You looked into his optics, and oh Primus, he was gone; your eyes were such a beautiful shade of (e/c), and your smile was so beautiful, and you were so beautiful, and he was so in love-

Quickly, he realized that he was taking too long to respond, so he quickly stammered something out.

“G-Goodnight...” 

And then, you left, swiftly turning and walking out of the living room.

Bumblebee found himself letting out a sigh of relief, but at the same time, he missed you desperately.

He wished he’d given you a hug goodnight.

And, as he stood alone in the dark living room, he thought back to how exactly he’d ended up in his current predicament; painfully in love with a human, giving them things without having the courage to do it face-to-face, life feeling like it was falling apart with every hour that passed without him being able to kiss you and tell you how much he loved you like he so desperately wanted to. 

He’d loved you from the very start, and as bold as he was, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you- he was just too scared, but...

What if this was what finally gave it away...?

-

The third time was what ended up blowing his cover. He should’ve left it alone, and he had told himself that after the last time- it was far too close of a call when you talked about Optimus knowing something, and he was so obvious with his own emotions during that, too... He wouldn’t do it again.

But then, he was shopping with Sari that day and saw a (f/c) hoodie that was just your size and style, and he decided you had to had it. So, when Sari was distracted at a different store, he got the hoodie, along with a new notebook, some pens, and a stuffed bee. He bought the gifts for you and put them in a nice gift bag with some paper, then left them by your door and disappeared before anyone could see him. 

He was sitting in the living room yet again. It was late at night, and though him and his team had spent most of that night playing board games and catching up with a movie playing in the background, they’d all went to bed hours ago, leaving him to think by himself.

He’d lost at every game; Uno, Monopoly, Candyland, Sorry, Cards Against Humanity, and Scrabble, all because he was staring at you the entire time. 

Why couldn’t he just get over himself and confess already? It was selfish to keep hiding from you, because what if the one you’d mentioned being interested in was actually him? And even if it wasn’t him, was it fair for you to think that he saw you as a friend when he was secretly in love with you? Was it fair for you to keep receiving gifts and never knowing who they were from? 

Speak of the devil, though- the second Bumblebee looked up from where he was standing in the middle of the room, you were leaning against the doorway, wearing the hoodie he’d bought you and a pair of pajama shorts. You looked sleepy with your (h/l) (h/c) hair a mess and your soft hands rubbing the bleariness out of your (e/c) eyes. 

“Bee?” You mumbled.

“(y/n), where’d you just come from? You look tired! You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m tired, but I’m fine. I was in the hallway, kinda waiting for everyone else to go to bed so I could talk to you, but... It took me a minute to come in here.” Bumblebee walked towards you and raised his optical ridge. His spark sank to the floor because oh Primus, was this it? Was it finally happening?

“Oh, uh... Why do you need to talk to me alone? What’s up?”

You averted your gaze and gently grabbed one of his servos with your hand, holding it tightly. Bumblebee took a sharp intake. You were about to start talking, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. 

“I know it’s you,” You confessed with a guilty smile. Bumblebee froze in place and cringed. “I feel bad, but my curiosity was killing me, so I asked around some more and did a lot of prying- Optimus seemed like he was hiding something when I talked to him about it, so I pried until he gave up and told me that he suspected it was you; that he’d seen you at a gift shop the day I got the first bouquet, that he’d seen you lingering in the hallways the past few times I’ve gotten something, etcetera. He gave me enough details that I pieced it together, so... Yeah.”

“Well, at least it’s out of the way,” Bumblebee laughed out loud, and surprisingly, you smiled back at him. This wasn’t how he wanted it to come out, but he wasn’t sure it would have come out at all if not for this. “Getting human money without a real job is hard! Glad I could at least confess without having to do it so much that I went bankrupt.”

“Bee...” You started again, peering up at him, but he felt like he wasn’t ready for what was going to happen next. Were you about to reject him? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out. 

“Well, now that that’s done, I’m gonna go ahead and go to bed! I could use a really good recharge right about now-”

“Bee-” You cut him off with a pout and gripped his servo, obviously not done, but he only continued in hopes that you would give it up and let him escape the situation. 

“Goodnight, (y/n)-”

“Bee!” You yelled and pulled him towards you by his wrist so you could get in his face. “For God’s sake, man, stop and listen to me talk for a second!”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I just-” He tossed his hands up defensively, ready to spill his circuits out, only for you to cut him off.

“You don’t think I love you back, right? You’re such a dolt!” You exclaimed. 

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Bumblebee yelled back at you, processor only catching the insult before he thought back on ‘I love you back’ and froze. “...Oh. Sorry.”

“I mean I’ve loved you for months now! Even before I realized it, I think I would’ve been more than open to dating you at any point in time, I mean... You’re pretty great. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Well, uh-” Bumblebee stopped and took in a deep intake, then sighed and linked your fingers with his digits so he could hold your hand properly. The anxiety that had been building up over you for so long now was finally leaving his body and being replaced by relief.“I don’t know. I feel kinda stupid now.”

“C’mere,” You mumbled and wrapped an arm around him. He hugged you back, taking you into his arms and resting his chin on top of your head... He could get used to that. You were warm and soft as you relaxed your body against his and allowed yourself to be held. You let go of his servo in favor of curling your hands and arms up by his chest. “Thank you for the gifts. They were really sweet and I loved them all, so... I’ll be sure to return the favor.”

“Return the favor? This is more than enough to return the favor!” He grinned, only hugging you tighter. “I’ve always wanted to just, like, hug you like this-”

“You can kiss me, too, if you want,” You offered, which had him pulling back to look down at you, spark lit aflame. 

“Really?” Bumblebee asked, just to be sure.

“Of course.”

There was a moment of silence; hesitance from both ends. It was true that, while both of you had been physically affectionate as friends, you’d never kissed, and Bumblebee had certainly never kissed a human. He’d been waiting for this moment for so long, but he had no idea what to do now that it was actually happening. 

Thankfully, you took the initiative and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, hands on the back of his neck. You looked up at him one more time before standing on your tip-toes so you could gently press your lips against his. Bumblebee was frozen still for a moment as he processed your warm, soft lips against his cool metal plating, but after the tension faded, he found himself resting his servos on your hips and melted into it. 

One kiss turned into many; again, again, and again, you moved your lips against his in a manner so intoxicating that he couldn’t get enough of it.

Eventually, though, you pulled away and smiled up at him, but now that he had gotten to kiss you like that, he couldn’t help but want more. 

“I, uh... I’m not sure the favor has been returned yet,” Bumblebee averted his optics from your eyes, able to feel his spark beating faster. “I might need one more kiss just to be sure-”

You chuckled, cutting him off by leaning up again and sloppily pushing your lips against his- and, with that, he was gone.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 9) - Inner Demons

Summary: The reader meets Gen for the first time while the boys are having a day together. But when they come home early and Jensen overhears the reader, a very big discussion about what they both expect out of their relationship has to happen...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Square: Skinny Dipping

Word Count: 5,100ish

Warnings: mature (language, skinny dipping, implied future smut, angst, self-doubt)

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnkinkbingo​

________

“No,” whined Zeppelin as Jensen carried him out of the bedroom for the third time that night. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you.”

“Zeppelin. You gotta be a big boy and go to sleep. It’s midnight and way, way past bedtime,” said Jensen. He started to cry loudly and Jensen set him down. “Do you want a time out? I’ll give you one first thing in the morning if you don’t behave.”

He ran over to you and grabbed your leg, burying his face in it. Jensen sighed, tired after a long day and you knew he needed some sleep. You squatted down and Zeppelin grabbed at you, shaking a bit. You frowned, Jensen catching it as you picked up the little boy. 

“He can stay,” you said. Jensen made a face but you carried him into the room, Jensen grumbling to himself. You let Zeppelin crawl into the middle and immediately grab his father when Jensen got under the covers. He was asleep quickly, Jensen kissing the top of his head. “He’s scared.”

“He had a tantrum. He’s four,” whispered Jensen. “He needs to sleep on his own or he gets dependent.”

“You’re his father. He’s already dependent,” you whispered. “He’s a little you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means he missed his daddy and he has been the one telling his sisters for three weeks daddy’s coming home soon. I don’t care if he sleeps in our bed, Jensen. Sometimes he has to be a big boy but not tonight.”

“He was very...he’s very much me,” he said quietly, fixing the blankets over his son. “He’s in tune with other’s emotions.”

“I know,” you said. “He’s a sweet boy.”

“When I was a kid, around seven or so, my dad went out to LA for about two months for work. We didn’t have the money for him to fly back and forth so he drove out there. He would call every night but it was long distance and it was expensive back then so all I got to do was say hi to him really. Somewhere in the middle of the two months he drove back to visit for a weekend. I was so excited. So, so excited. I was gonna tell him all about school and my baseball games and the jumping contest my brother and I had on the swings. I was so pumped. He said he was gonna be there Saturday morning for breakfast. Well, I wake up, run downstairs, he’s not there. Lunch rolls around, he’s not there. Afternoon snack time rolls around…”

“He’s not there?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “What happened?”

“Never left LA. Got in a car accident. He was fine but this was the eighties and my mom didn’t get a phone call until the afternoon saying he wouldn’t be coming home. I thought a hundred million things in my head of why he wasn’t there. That achy pit in your stomach. When he finally came home a month later, I slept in their room, in their bed. That little achy feeling went away after that night. I know how much he’s like me,” he said, lightly running his fingers over Zeppelin’s head. “But I gave him that part of me too and I wish I hadn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s too little to worry about me.”

“He’s okay and he’s not gonna worry after tonight. But Jensen, there’s nothing wrong with him having that part of you. It’s a really good part, the part that loves the people he cares about. Right now he doesn’t understand it but someday he will and that’s going to make him a person people will be fortunate to have in their lives. That’s a great part of you he got.”

“Just have to go and make me feel better, don’t you,” he said softly. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Think I’m doing an okay job at this?”

“Yup,” you said. Zeppelin turned over in his sleep, smashing his face into your arm. 

“You care for them,” said Jensen. You nodded and he burrowed down into the sheets. “Because of me or your job?”

“It always helps the job,” you said. “When you nanny, you want the kids to feel comfortable with you and caring about them always makes that easier. But I don’t...I don’t like them because I decided I liked their dad, you know?”

“Why did you then?”

“People with money sometimes let their children get raised by that money and you can tell when it happens. But it’s so obvious that doesn’t happen with them. They have nice toys and clothes and things but they’re good and funny and smart and they could very easily be brats if you went the easy route but you didn’t and it just shows. Sure they’re kids and they can drive anyone to the brink of insanity at times, but they got big hearts, especially for dad. I just like them and seeing them grow into those people more every day.”

“Me too,” he said, Zeppelin rolling back, fisting his hands into Jensen’s shirt this time. He smiled and you leaned over, kissing him goodnight, pecking one on Zeppelin’s head. “Night.”

“Night Jensen.”

The next afternoon when you arrived at Jared’s house you weren’t sure what you were expecting. Jared and Jensen were off doing who knew what and you felt like you’d been set up on a playdate yourself. You’d dropped off the kids there more than once already and knew their kids but for some reason or other you’d yet to meet Gen. You swallowed as you followed the kids around the side of the house, the three of them taking off to go play with their friends on a swing set. You looked around and bit your bottom lip, fixing your bag over your shoulder.

“Y/N?” called a voice. You turned and saw a woman behind you, a bit sweaty in some workout clothes. “Hey. I’m Gen. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Thanks. You too,” you said. 

“Come on,” she said, waving you to follow her up some steps to a patio. “Tom! JJ!”

“We know!” they shouted back from the swings. She shook her head and sighed.

“Not that any of the little ones can get over to the pool anyways but I want to remind them to keep an eye on the younger ones when I’m inside,” she said, showing you to a patio door. You followed her inside, Gen walking into a kitchen and going straight to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of cold water. 

“They have hair like their dad,” you said.

“Yes, yes they do. Getting them to get a haircut is like herding cats,” she said. She gulped down her water and let out a deep breath. “Do you mind if I shower quick? Time got away from me.”

“Yeah, no problem,” you said. 

“There’s a bathroom right around the corner there. Feel free to take whatever from the kitchen if you want. I’ll be back in ten,” she said. 

“No problem,” you said. When she was upstairs you went back outside, leaving your bag in a patio chair. You went down the steps and watched the kids running around for a moment before exploring their backyard. “Here I thought your backyard was nice Ackles.”

“Y/N, will you play tag with us?” asked Arrow from over in the grass.

“How could I say no to a face like that?”

Fifteen minutes later you were warm and taking a break under the patio again out of the sun, the kids playing on the slide and swings now.

“Remember when we had endless energy like that?” asked Gen as the back door opened. 

“Barely,” you said, a margarita glass set down in front of you. “I see we’re going to be very good friends.”

“It’s so hot out today,” she said, setting a pitcher and another glass down on the table. She poured you a glass and then herself one before taking a seat beside you. “I bet the boys are out jet skiing.”

“They really are like a pair of children when you get them together,” you said.

“Yeah but it’s cute. Most people don’t ever get to have a best friend like that,” she said. “Sometimes they need their space from each other but Jared’s literally been counting down the days until Jensen gets back.”

“I don’t think Jensen will ever stay away that long again. He missed his family and friends. Home,” you said. 

“We’re glad to have him back. He’s been gone for a while. Even before you went to Canada,” she said.

“Were you good friends with...” you asked, Gen nodding. “I’m sorry.”

“It sucked. Still does,” she said. “When the boys were off, we could hang out. We got very close. After the accident I was the one taking care of the kids, helping his parents and family with their day to day. Jared focused more on Jensen, helping him physically get back to normal and then mentally. But you know how he was when you met him.”

“I know a lot of work went into helping him get there. I’m very grateful he had you guys,” you said.

“Listen...I’m hoping we can be good friends too. It was different for me and Dee. We both were dating the boys around the same time, got married around the same time. I know we don’t have that and...I just hope we can have that relationship still.”

“Me too. I know we’re probably gonna be seeing you guys a lot now that neither of them are working,” you said.

“Probably most everyday,” she said. “They’re like twins separated at birth or something I swear.”

“Has Jensen always been a bit quiet?” you asked.

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen that boy drunk off his ass and being a troublemaker but he’s always been that way. Maybe it’s why he and Jared fit. They’re protective of each other in different ways. Jared’s the loud one out of the two of them, always has been and Jensen, even if he is your best fucking friend, sometimes he’s a little bit quiet.”

“I figured as much. He’s just…”

“Gentle,” she said, a smile coming to your face. “You two are pretty serious, huh.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s been five months. I’d say it’s serious. You move in yet?”

“Technically I’ve always been moved in,” you said. She laughed and took a sip of her drink. “Yeah. We’ve gotten to the sharing a room stage very recently.”

“You must be very special then,” she said. “He was never gonna fall in love ever again. Told Jared and me himself. Now he’s as lovestruck as the first time around.”

“I’m not expecting…” you said, sipping on your drink. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Like I said, we can be friends without the boys,” she said. “What aren’t you expecting?”

“This,” you said with a shrug. “Marriage. Kids of my own. I don’t know where it goes with Jensen.”

“You should start having those talks with him,” she said, your head shaking. “You have to, just so you’re on the same page.”

“I don’t even know if we’re reading the same book,” you said. She nodded and you slumped back into your seat. “I know I love him and that he loves me. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”

“A friend once told me that’s all you need,” said Jensen behind you. You turned around and Jensen was standing there, a sad smile on his face. “We wanted to come hang out with you guys. Y/N?”

You got a smile from Gen as you followed Jensen inside, Jared slipping past and out back. You crossed your arms and looked down, Jensen stepping close to you, large hands resting on your arms.

“Why don’t you think it’s enough?” he asked quietly.

“It is. Gen and I were just shooting the shit,” you said, forcing your gaze up. He slid his hand down and took one of yours, pulling you over to a quiet sitting room. He sat down on a day bed, you going with him. 

“Honey. Tell me the truth.” He ran his thumb over the back of your hand as you crossed your legs. “Did I do something?”

“No. You’re perfect,” you said, glancing down to your lap. “All I was saying was...I don’t know where you stand on some things.”

“Like what?” he asked, still smiling softly, hiding all of the nerves underneath it.

“Kids. Marriage. The fact your family has never once met me or knows I exist. Am I just gonna be the nanny girlfriend or is there something more? I love you. I fucking love and I don’t need or want...I just want to know if you’re open to those things.”

“I don’t know,” he said. You nodded and moved your hand back into your lap, Jensen letting go of it. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head. “Like I said, we were shooting the shit.”

You were both quiet before you stood, Jensen grabbing your hand. He pulled you back to sit, plopping you straight down in his lap before kissing you.

“Okay I do know but the answers fucking scare me,” he said. “I said I was gonna stop being scared when it came to you.”

“Jensen, you don’t have to-”

“Yes, I would have more kids if it were with the right person. Preferably sooner than later but yes. Yes, I would marry again. Yes, I would introduce her to my family and yes they do know about her. Not as much as I’d like but they do know her. And lastly yes, I am open to more than just the nanny girlfriend, so much fucking more. All of it more. But that scares me that almost a year later here I am, open to all of those things, wanting those things with you when losing Dee hurt so much. It’s not fair to you that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, simple and normal and just the fun parts. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to stop loving her. God if you ever did, I don’t think you’d be the man I love. I just wanted to know if there’s room for a future in there maybe,” you said.

“You kinda got in there all on your own and I don’t want you to ever come out,” he said. 

“Ever?” you breathed out. “Cause that implies-”

“If someone’s gonna be that second person for me, I think…” he said, looking down. You rested your forehead against his, Jensen taking a deep breath. “I know you won’t wait for me forever to get my shit together.”

“Well, forever’s a long time. I can offer a few years at least?” you asked, Jensen laughing dryly. “What?”

“I don’t deserve a few years. Your emotions aren’t a toy to play with.”

“Yours aren’t something to drag along when they’re not ready.”

“See? You do that shit. You always do that fucking shit,” he said, his voice a few octaves higher. You wrapped him up in a hug, feeling a few drops of wetness hit your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“For crying? Jesus Jens, it’s okay,” you said. “I promise it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I keep tossing you around like you don’t have feelings too, like this isn’t hard for you too. It’s always me and my fucking problems with just…”

“Just what honey,” you said, Jensen holding onto you tightly, chin resting on your shoulder. 

“I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?” you said, carding your fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want this to go away,” he mumbled out. “This is it and I feel like I’m gonna explode and-”

“Shush,” you said, wrapping your legs around his waist and squeezing his whole body as much as you could. He stilled briefly and calmed down some, sniffling to himself before you released to a gentler hold on him. “Just the anxiety talking.”

“I love you,” he said, lifting his head up, looking you straight on. “I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and do everything with you. I’ve known those things for a very long time. Longer than you have and before you even thought of them as questions. I want all that and you’re gonna get stuck with me, with this, with the never ending baggage, with the baggage you haven’t even seen yet. All your life is gonna be is taking care of my ass and you getting hurt because of it. Is that what you want? Is it? Because I want so much fucking more for you than me.”

“Was that your proposal speech?” you asked calmly. He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes.

“What? Y/N I-”

“Well you said you want to marry me and yeah, I fucking want to do that with you too so was that your speech?”

“What?” he asked so innocently you smiled. “I don’t…”

“I happen to like taking care of your ass. So. You want me gone, I’m gone. You want me to stay, I’m staying forever. What’s it gonna be?” you asked.

“Stay,” he said quietly with a nod. “Please don’t go away from us.”

“Okay,” you said. He leaned forward and kissed you, sniffling some more when he broke off. “Are you…”

“I can’t believe I just asked that while I’m covered in tears and snot,” he said. A box of tissues suddenly flung itself through the doorway, landing near your feet. You stared down at it and started to laugh, Jensen chuckling while you picked it up. “I’m never living that down.”

“Who gives a fuck,” you said. You took out a tissue and wiped off his face and eyes, having him blow his nose a few times. “That’s really gross.”

“I know.”

“Must be how you know it’s meant to be,” you said, wiping your hand off. 

“Stay forever?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Yeah that sounds good.”

“Me too,” he said. He pulled you into a hug and you held him tight, the door sneakily shutting on the two of you when it started to pour outside and you heard the backdoor. “I bet that’s how you imagined that going.”

“I never thought it would happen,” you said. “Not when I first came here. Love’s for other people. Normal people with normal families.”

“Fuck normal,” he said and you laughed. You picked up a clean tissue and licked it, wiping off a dried tear streak on his cheek. “I feel good.”

“We’re gonna work on that bottling shit up stuff, okay?” you said.

“Maybe you’ll have more success than Dee did,” he chuckled. 

“I’ll just have to build off what she started,” you said. He nodded and cupped your cheek as you finished cleaning him off. “There, all better.”

“Guess you’re out of a nanny job,” he said.

“Oh such a shame,” you said. “I’ve been putting my paychecks for the last while to a separate account.”

“I did notice that,” he said. “Saving for something?”

“Wanted to give it back to you.”

“Honeymoon fund instead?”

“Okay, now we’re talking,” you said with a laugh.

“You never did tell me how much your book deal got you.”

“I signed a multi-year deal. They think there’s great potential for it to be one of those series every kid reads. One million for around twenty books?”

“Fuck. You should be my agent if you can negotiate like that,” he said.

“I’m still gonna take care of them like I have been,” you said. 

“I know. It’s probably going to be a million times harder now actually,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “You love them.”

“Yes but I don’t know how to be a parent.”

“Just do what you’ve been doing and it’ll be fine,” he said. “It’ll change but it’ll be good.”

“Not really how I was expecting today to go,” you said. 

“Me either. I had hoped for that to be a tad more romantic,” he said. You gave him a kiss and hug, Jensen returning it. “You don’t care.”

“Nah,” you said. “Just care about you. Everything else, I’m good.”

“Want to go share the news with our eavesdropper?” he asked. You helped him up to his feet and took his hand, walking out of the room, Jared and Gen suspiciously wiping down their kitchen counter. “Or should I say eavesdroppers.”

“We were concerned and I swear we left after Jared tossed the tissues in,” said Gen. Jared shook his head and pointed at her. “I swear he did it.”

“Guess you guys heard then,” said Jensen, giving you a smile. “We’re gonna give it a shot.”

“You okay?” asked Jared. Jensen nodded and squeezed your hand. “You sure?”

“I know what I want,” said Jensen. “I’ve known for a long time. Finally got over being scared is all.”

“She wasn’t gonna hurt you,” said Jared with a smile.

“I know. It was a different fear,” he said. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said. “Promise.”

“You better not, sweetheart.”

It was dark by the time the storms had passed, all three kids going down easy after spending most of the day running around the Padalecki house. You sat on the balcony off of Jensen’s bedroom in the oversized lounge chair, Jensen sat on the other side of the small side table your drink rested on.

“I’ve never been on a boat before,” you said, staring up at the dark night sky, the only light coming from a few string ones Jensen had turned on.

“Never?” asked Jensen. “Better wear your life jacket tomorrow then.”

“You better wear your life jacket,” you said. “We both know I’m a better swimmer than you.”

“You’re a better swimmer than me? Me?” he chuckled. “No way.”

“Put your money where your mouth is. Five bucks says I’m a better swimmer,” you said. He waved the way towards the door and you stood up, walking downstairs and outside.

“Uh, you missing something?” he chuckled. You smirked and pulled off your shirt and undid your jeans, shimming out of them and leaving them by the patio. “You really think…” 

“I really think what?” you said, tossing your bra at him, leaving your underwear behind. You jumped in and swam out to the deep end. “You’re already losing Jensen.”

“Losing my ass,” he said, taking off his shirt and jeans, nearly tripping as he hopped out of his boxer briefs. He jumped in nearby and swam over to you, dunking his head under briefly. “I could get used to this look.”

“Nothing you’ve not seen before.”

“Never seen my fiance naked before,” he grinned. You rolled your eyes but swam over and gave him a kiss. “I knew you had a thing for dorks you know.”

“Did you now?”

“Told me yourself. Not a fan of cocky guys I recall.”

“Well...a little cock is okay. Highly recommended in fact,” you said. 

“You are such a loser,” he laughed.

“I must have learned it from you.” You giggled and swam back to the shallow end, Jensen lazily chasing after. “I’ve never skinny dipped until just now actually.”

“Got anything on your bucket list you want to try out?” he asked. You shrugged and took a seat on a step, Jensen settling in next to you. “Naked trounce on the trampoline?”

“Maybe another time,” you said. You leaned back and looked up at the dark sky once more. He reached over and held your hand in the water, playing with it quietly. “Skydiving would be cool. Space would be cool.”

“One of those is a lot more feasible than the other. I noticed up in Canada where we had more stars at night you really like looking at them.”

“Did it a lot as a kid. Kinda always have,” you said. “I like space as much as the next gal but it’s just pretty, you know? You’re one little speck out in all of those stars. It’s all so freaking complex but you can kinda look up at them and it’s just so simple too.”

“Yeah,” he said, toying with a strand of hair floating in the water. “I get that.”

You turned and found him staring at you, a smile on his lips. 

“We could go camping sometime, see all the stars there are up there if you’d like,” he said.

“We don’t have to do that,” you said. 

“Why?” he asked quietly. “I’m curious is all. It seems like something you’d really enjoy seeing.”

“What purpose does it serve though? It’s not something fun for the kids to experience,” you said. “It’s a waste of money.”

“It doesn’t have to have a purpose. It’s for you, for us. A night away where you get to see something most people don’t ever get a chance. That’s the only purpose,” he said. “Camping’s about the cheapest thing you can do. Don’t worry about the money. You don’t have to worry about that ever again.”

“I just don’t want to go camping,�� you said. You looked down and swallowed. “I used to go camping with my dad a lot.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do that to me,” you said. “I just...I don’t think I ever want to go again.”

“Okay. Would you go camping with me sometime?” he asked. 

“Jensen-”

“Just me. No body else. I won’t even touch you except to cuddle,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “Thank you. It won’t be scary this time. I promise.”

“Is your dad nice?” you asked. He leaned back against his elbows and nodded. “Does he know about me?”

“My parents know I have a girlfriend. My mom knows I was getting pretty serious about you,” he said. 

“Do they know I was the nanny? Or how old I am?”

“No. My siblings do but not my parents,” he said. You sat up and wrapped your arms around yourself in the warm night air. “I’m not embarrassed of you Y/N. I think that’s a conversation better had in person is all.”

“You haven’t told them because you think they’ll have a problem with it,” you said. 

“Not as much problem as when I say I’m not having a prenup,” he said. You turned your head and saw him smiling back. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t trust you completely.”

“Jensen I don’t want to cause a problem,” you said. He shook his head and you sighed. “I know how close you are with them and you haven’t gotten to see them since Christmas. I know exactly what they’re gonna think of me when they hear about the former nanny.”

“You don’t seem to understand yet that you? Nobody is more important than you and those three in there. If they can’t accept you then screw ‘em.”

“Jensen.”

“I’m not worried and you know why? I love you and you love me. I know they love me a whole lot too so you’re on the same side.”

“You’re a bad liar,” you said. He sat up and sighed. “Jens-”

“I don’t know how they’ll act. But you deserve a chance and that’s what I expect out of them. I want them to love you too but at a minimum you’ll have their respect.”

You nodded and sunk down in the warm water, Jensen sliding over and taking a seat on your lap, tossing his arms around your shoulders. 

“You still talk to Dee’s parents right?” you asked. He nodded and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist. “Do they…”

“No,” he said quietly. “They deserve for that to be an in person conversation too. They’re coming up soon for JJ’s birthday soon. I figured I’d tell them then.”

“I’m glad you still talk to them,” you said. “They still see you guys.”

“Christmas was hard last year. I’m not sure which one of us got it worse,” he said. 

“I’d like to meet them if that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m not sure how they’ll react honestly.”

“I’d still like to,” you said, stepping out into the water with him, Jensen hanging off of you. “If only you were this light normally I’d carry you around all day.”

“Didn’t we agree a long time ago you were the badass princess after all,” he said, bumping his nose against yours. 

“Here I thought you’d be taller,” you teased, quickly kissing him.

“Little shit,” he grinned. He nuzzled your cheek and you let out a deep breath. “Don’t worry about them.”

“At least we don’t have to go through this on my side,” you said.

“Can I ask one thing of you?”

“What?”

“Ray, your mom’s boyfriend, did things end badly between the two of you or you just drift apart? You said you left when you finished high school.”

“I stopped talking to him awhile ago. I moved out at 18 when I got my first nanny job. He was dating his wife Sarah by then. I’d come over for dinner every few months for a few years. By the time I was twenty one they were married with two kids. I didn’t go one time and kept putting it off and Ray told me it was okay if I didn’t want to see him anymore. I could call him if I ever needed him, that sort of thing. I haven’t spoken to him in nine years. But that’s not asking something of me, is it.”

“Can we consider inviting him to the wedding?”

“Been engaged eight hours and already planning?” you asked. 

“I don’t know him but he had a part in raising you. Just consider it is all I ask. And wedding? Those things take fucking forever to plan, trust me.”

“I’ll think about it,” you said, spinning him around in the water. “Are they really that complicated to put together?”

“Nah. Don’t go bridezilla on me is all,” he said. 

“Total diva over here,” you said, feeling the edge of the shallow end start to drop off with your foot. You spun around one more time before you had to set him down, Jensen taking the chance to pick you up and toss you out of of the water. “Jensen! I’m naked!”

“I know. It’s awesome,” he said, swimming out and kissing your cheek. “Wanna race?”

“Winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser when we head upstairs?” you grinned.

“Oh, you’re so on.”

______

A/N: Read Part 10 here!

[steamberrystudio]

19/09/2021 Devlog

Hey everyone! This isn't really a bi-weekly update since it's been three weeks since the last one. But as I was setting up my schedule for tumblr updates, I was trying to avoid having a week where I was doing all three updates (KS, Patreon, and Tumblr) at once, which meant either doing two weeks in a row on tumblr or skipping one.

So I skipped one. So yeah! LoL

Scheduling updates is hard. ;A;

Anyway, let's jump into the summary

Summary:

Finished sprites for Lance's route

Added additional sprites in

Made some minor adjustments to an existing character

Put together Caleb's flowchart images

Coded all of Caleb's flowchart screens

Tested Caleb's Route

Wrote a Guide for Caleb's endings

Made more corrections to Ari's route

Sent out Caleb's beta testing along with the corrected version of Ari's route

Made Magnus' flowchart templates

Made Lance's flowchart templates

Started coding sprites into Caissa's route

This meant importing four more sprites who appear in early chapters

Coded expressions up to Chapter Two

CG???

The Ramble:

Okaaaaaaay. So I've done a lot since my last update here!

I now have the sprites for Lance's route complete and have started spriting Caissa's route. I'm hoping Caissa's route goes fairly quickly because there aren't a lot of big group scenes in this route either. Not until the very end of the route. But we'll have to see!

I had to import four more sprites and now I only have one more significant character to import in and a smattering of "Bobs" - I'll import those guys when I reach that part of the script.

As usual, I made some corrections to existing sprites as I went; but nothing too major this time. I think I may still have to slightly adjust one of them, though. I'm really not liking how she looks next to other sprites. But it should be an easy adjustment.

Mor significantly I coded Caleb's flow charts, play tested his route, wrote up a guide for his endings, and then made all the suggested corrections to Ari's route...and pushed Caleb's route out for the beta testers.

(It's important to have the guide done before they get the route so people can be sure to test all the endings. For the most part GS isn't proving too difficult for most people to find the best ending on their own but it's always nice to have a guide so they can find all the others.)

While I was working on flowcharts, I went ahead and did the templates for Magnus and Lance's routes so I can start building those charts in the game as well. I think Maggie's route will be the next to go out for beta testing though.

And, finally (weirdly) I made a CG. For...Quill??? A character whose route I haven't even started writing yet! LoL. But sometimes I just get a mental image of a scene and I have to kind of sketch it out. Sometimes I end up not being able to use the art so it just goes into the art book. But we'll see what happens!

Anyway, as I've been saying, I'm going to be focused on sprites and flow charts for a while. Until they're done.

Now I want to pause and talk about.......RELEASE....or the lack of it.

I know I've been saying, until now, release would tentatively be the end of the 3rd quarter. Well. Here we are. End of the 3rd quarter and it's clearly not happening.

There's been so much happening this year. So much *bad.*

We've lost several family members this year, we went back on lockdown (and are still in lockdown), I had that STUPID computer issue that set me back *weeks.* But ultimately I am just not there yet.

I'm shifting the release to tentatively "end of this year/early next year" - I have no real estimate for how long the CGs are going to take for this game. This style is much easier than Changeling's style so I don't think the individual CGs will take me as long, but I am planning on more of them for GS so there's that.

If it gets too close to Christmas/New Year, I'll have to push launch back past the holidays a bit. So I don't want to give a definite "before the end of the year" estimate.

I am working hard on this game. I'm making weekly progress. And ultimately the release will be as soon as it can be. That is the important part!

Sneak Peeks and Previews:

Upcoming Weeks:

So basically for the next two weeks I'll be doing sprite expressions. I imagine the bulk of that will be Caissa's expressions specifically. Once his are done, I'll probably move straight into Jack's expressions.

I may pause at some point to set up Magnus' flowcharts so I can push his route to beta testers, though. Maybe in between Caissa and Jack.

There will likely also be at least some sprite work.

As of right now, though, I actually only have one more proper named side character to set up (Rowan). There is another very minor character (Lucas) in Jack's route.

I think Rory will need an additional outfit so when I get to his appearance, I'll probably have to pause and get that done.

And otherwise, it's just "Bobs" - I have a few Nyx agents that need to be set up. . .And I think that's it.

So yeah. Sprites, flowcharts...and testing, I guess.

And that's all for this update. I will see you all next time~

[selfindulgentfanfiction]

What Can I Do? (William One Shot)

WARNING: CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS OF LOVE UNHOLYC. Please be advised reading if you have not completed at least one route past day 7. I based this off of one of William’s side stories called “A Smiling Master and a Heartbroken Butler”. It isn’t relevant enough to the side story to be a spoiler for it.

Fandom: Love Unholyc Character(s): William and MC (unnamed and gender neutral) NSFW: No Description: Slight AU where even after spending 7 days with Sol, Leo, and Hi, MC still chooses William to be their partner for their Coming of Age ceremony. However, due to William losing his adult body during the day, he distances himself from MC and refuses the second time to be their partner.

“Master?” William knocked on MC’s door 3 times before opening the door. They always scolded him for not knocking, so William was doing as he was ordered; knocking. However, he never nailed the timing on when he should enter. MC was lucky he knocked in the first place, he humored.

William wasn’t expected for the sight in front of him.

The room was empty. No master in sight. Not only were they no where to be found, but the room was mysteriously picked up. All of MC’s dirty clothes were in the hamper and their gaming desk was free of any and all debris or food. 

It wasn’t clean by any means, but it was suspiciously clean for his master.

William knew that MC was in their home 360 out of 365 days a year, but he felt panic swell in his chest. He was concerned for his master’s safety, but the thought of her with those humans made him feel even more insecure.

William’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out swiftly and almost dropped it. He cursed to himself before reading a message from his master.

MC: LIAM! MC: I’ll be home later. I have some things to do. MC: I know you haven’t been speaking to me much since you had to reverse time, but I understand.

William felt a tightness in his stomach at that. He didn’t know that MC noticed his distance, but even more so, he didn’t expect them to understand.

MC: Anyway, I picked everything up in my room. I ate before I left as well and I’ll eat before I get home, so don’t worry about making me anything. MC: I even braided my own hair today! You should be proud! (^-^) MC: Anyway, there’s no need to do anything today. Just take it easy, okay?~ MC: Oh, that’s an order from your master, by the way.

William stiffened. What was this? Why has his master done this? They’ve never done this before. William had so many questions that his head began to spin.

Then, he caught a glance of his reflection in the mirror. William clenched his fist at the sight in front of him.

The young boy in the mirror glowered back at William. He didn’t regret turning back time to save his master from Eater. He would do it a thousand more times. There was no price he wouldn’t pay for his master. He can’t help but wish that he paid any other price other than this one.

He was hundreds of years old, but during the day, he’s stuck in the body of his younger self. He also sacrificed half of his power when he turned back time. Due to his smaller stature, doing chores during the day was more difficult than ever. Keeping up with his master and a mansion in the state of his body was difficult work and often resulted in William cleaning well into the early hours of the morning. He would rest for a couple of hours before waking up to prepare MC’s breakfast. He complained out loud about how hard work has been, but he hadn’t expected his master to notice.

William looked around MC’s room. It was full of random items, all items he’d bought for them. He didn’t mind spoiling them. His master was unmatched as an Unholyc even if they didn’t realize it, managing to attract three partners on their first try for their Coming of Age ceremony. Out of all of the things they could be doing, his master plays games. He doesn’t think this is a bad thing. William’s brow furrowed at the memory of the humans. Leo, Sol, and Hi irritated him more than he could put into words.

William closed his eyes. He found the humans to be ungrateful and troublesome. He remembers how he came to be in charge of the 3 dogs.

-The day MC found their humans-

“Master, get up.” William pulled the comforter of the bed back to reveal a sleepy master, fighting him tooth and nail on getting out of bed.

“No!” MC fought, refusing to open their eyes. They rolled onto their side with a huff.

“You have to find a partner for your Coming of Age ceremony. Or, did you already forget? I swear, master. It’s like you intentionally stress me out.” William sighed. “Please, master. It’s time for breakfast and then the car will be ready for you.”

MC sniffled. Even though they weren’t facing William, he could tell they were frowning. “Why do I have to find a partner?” MC asks quietly. Their voice was laced with sleep and something else that William couldn’t place.

William did his best to hide the annoyance in his tone. “You have to in order to complete your ceremony. You have to have a ceremony to become a full fledged Unholyc. Do we need to have this lesson again?” William teased. He knew his master did not want to have that lesson again, but sometimes getting a rise out of them made them rise out of bed.

MC suddenly turned to face William. Their face was flushed and tears pricked the corners of their eyes. William’s eyes widened at them.

They looked angry at him.

“Why? Why do I need to go find a partner? Can’t Liam be my partner?” MC asked, brow furrowed.

Liam was completely taken aback by his master’s sudden boldness. He managed to open his mouth anyway.

“If my master commands it, I will be.”

MC’s face fell. “I see. Forget I said anything, then.” They got out of bed, refusing to meet William’s eye. “I’ll get ready. Please get out so I can change.”

William studied his master’s back before exiting, softly shutting the door behind him. He stood outside of their door for a few moments, gathering himself. He didn’t appreciate his master playing with his emotions like that. He didn’t want to hold out false hope of one day ending up with his master for eternity.

He didn’t want to be like that stupid butler of Shallotte’s, Pierce.

William sighed to himself. They probably only said that because they were too lazy to leave, and William was the easiest option for them since he lived with them already.

MC requested to eat in their room before they went to find their partner. William scolded them for eating meals in their room, however, it was just to mask how sore his chest felt. Truth be told, he didn’t want his master to find a partner. He wanted to be the only one to channel acme into them. He wanted to be their partner for her ceremony, and for their lives.

He wouldn’t admit this, however. He was fine being their butler forever, as long as he could remain by MC’s side.

No matter what, he just wants to be by their side. He won’t be selfish with his relationship with his master. He would only be selfish with being by their side. He told himself to never wish for more and kept the romantic feelings he had for his master buried as far as he could.

MC returned from their hunt for a partner with not only one, but three.

Not only three, but three humans.

William’s blood burned. Not only would be have to share his master, he would have to share them with three humans?

After they excused themselves to MC’s room, William quickly shut the door behind them. He couldn’t watch them channeling their acme into his master.

-

William’s gaze fell upon MC’s dresser. Before he had to reverse time, this had been where MC placed the gift he gave them on the day of their Coming of Age ceremony.

Even after spending 7 days with those humans, his master still chose him. After all of the hoops they jumped through for those humans, his master still chose him.

Liam sat on MC’s bed before curling himself up in her sheets. When he turned back time and realized what happened to his body, he couldn’t be their partner this time around. One of the humans would have to do it.

He couldn’t protect them like that anymore. He couldn’t provide for them in that way anymore.

Is that why they left today? Is that why they cleaned up after themselves? Were they preparing themselves for a life without William in it?

That must be why she chose the same three humans when he turned back time. They were choosing someone else they could spend eternity with.

-Coming of Age Ceremony-

Sol, Leo, and Hi held a gift out to MC. MC eyed all of them with surprise before tilting their head to the side. “For me?” They asked. All three of the men nodded.

“It’s your special day, my dear.” Leo piped up. “How could we not spoil you today? Especially with how cute you look!” Hi added. “After all you’ve done for us, it’s the least we could do for you, MC.” Sol finished.

William held a hand out in front of his master.

“You can only choose one gift today. Due to it being the day of your ceremony, you must choose the gift from whoever you want your partner to be for your ceremony. Choose one and make it quick.” William explained.

MC bit the inside of their cheek. They looked troubled. They were nervously fidgeting with their hands and shifting back and forth.

“Master.” William spoke up. “Just choose the one from whomever you like the best.”

“But-” MC started before stopping again. “How do I choose only one?”

“What does your heart say, master?” William asked them.

MC looked at William with tinted cheeks. “D- Did you get me a gift, Liam?”

William’s eyes widened along with the eyes of all three humans.

“I....” William trailed off. MC stared at them, urging him to continue. “....Did. I did get you a gift. However, it was a while back ago, since we’ve been waiting many years for this ceremony and all-”

“Please, can I have it?” MC cut him off. “I- I want you to be my partner. But only if you want to be my partner!” MC started fumbling over their words. “I didn’t want to order you to be my partner. I wanted you to want to be my partner.” They added softly. William barely picked up the last part. William began his ascent up the staircase.

“Excuse me for a moment.” He said over his shoulder.

William went to his room before grabbing the carefully wrapped gift. He’d gotten this for MC long ago and would re-wrap it every so often so that it still looked new. He didn’t think he would ever be giving this to them. He wasn’t going to hold back or allow MC to change their mind a second time.

William felt foolish. If he’d have just said yes to MC a week ago, he never would have had to deal with those humans. He never would have had to share his master with anyone. He wanted to make them happy over everything else, though. He didn’t know if they would be happy being his partner or if they were just scared to go find a new one.

Either way, he should have kept his mouth shut.

Descending back down the stairs, William gently took his master’s hand and led them away from the commotion and into the hallway. MC’s face was flushed and William couldn’t hold back his smile.

“Master,” William started, taking their hand in his. “In order for me to be your partner, we must first be under contract.” 

MC’s eyes widened. They must have just come to this realization. “Oh!” They exclaim. “Is it okay to do it this late into my ceremony?”

“Considering all of the steps you’ve messed up this week, breaking one more rule shouldn’t make a difference. You know the magic words, master.” William guided MC to a chaise in the hallway and knelt down in front of them. “Bind me with a contract.”

After MC recited the magic words, William felt his entire body flooding with acme. Even though he’s a few hundred years old, this feeling was new. Acme was coursing through his veins as he gazed upon his master. He’s always loved his master without question, but this feeling was different than anything he’s felt before.

Lust. Protective. Adoration. Fear. Yearning. Love.

He understood why those humans would sacrifice themselves for his master after knowing them a short time. The admiration he was feeling toward his master was almost unbearable.

William took MC’s hand in his before planting a kiss on the back of their hand. When his lips met their skin, he began to let his acme pour from him. 

“I, William, accept this contract to be MC’s partner.” He verbally signed his contract with his master before placing his lips back on their hand.

He was trying to hold back the best he could, but several years of pent up one-sided love was flowing out of him at an unstoppable speed. MC moaned, burying their face into their shoulder to muffle the sounds. William trailed his lips up MC’s arm, allowing his acme to pour into them with each kiss.

Wrist.

Forearm.

Bicep.

With one final kiss to the shoulder, William forces himself to pull back. His master’s face was flushed, mouth open as they were panting. William leaned up and placed his forehead onto MC’s.

“Liam.” They whined his name. It was music to his ears.

“Yes, master. I am here.”

-

“Liam?” MC gently shook William’s shoulder. He was sleep in their bed, glasses still on his face and hair disheveled. William’s eyes opened and fixed on the room around him. It was dark outside and he had grown into his adult body when he was napping.

“Master,” William called out to them softly. “What else can I do?”

MC’s eyebrows knitted together as they sat next to William on their bed. “What do you mean?”

William couldn’t help himself. He wrapped his arms around their waist and buried his face into their side.

“What else can I do so that you’ll want me to stay?” He asked them. He felt his chest swelling with each passing second, waiting for them to tell him to leave their room, waiting for them to yell at him in disgust.

However, to William’s surprise, MC smiled softly at him.

“Did you spend your entire day off in here?” They asked him softly, smoothing his hair down with their fingers. William’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment at the contact but he forced himself to look MC in the eye before nodding. When he snapped out of his daze, his eyes narrowed.

“Day off?” He questioned. He raised his eyebrows at them when he finally registered what they were saying.

“Yes, your day off. What did you think today was? I told you to relax!” They scold him playfully, poking him in the side with their finger.

“So, you were trying to give me a break?” William attempted to get clarification. He was just wallowing in self pity all day for potentially nothing.

MC sighed at him. “I know how hard it’s been adjusting to your body. You’ve looked after me for so long now, and I’m sorry I haven’t been looking after you as well.”

William felt a lump develop in his throat. He tried to swallow.

“You don’t have to do that, master.” William stated. “It’s my job to look after you.”

“True, but it’s my job as someone who loves you to notice when you’re struggling and take some of the burden off.” MC stated back. William’s eyes widened at his master, staring at them with a mix of wonder and admiration for a moment before composing himself.

“I know you’re holding back because of the circumstances, but I will always love you.” MC continued. “I’m going to work hard this week to try and help you get your body back. We will find a way. Then, I want Liam to be my partner again.”

William’s grip tightened on his master.

“I will always be master’s butler. So please, never stop needing me.” He mumbled into their side. “I love you, MC. Let me stay by your side.”

MC rubbed his back affectionately. “And master will always be Liam’s master.”

[triptuckers]

New In Town (part five) - Kaz Brekker

Request: nope Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: Kaz finds out who has been stealing from him Warnings:  language, mentions of fighting/violence but no blood Word count: 1.8K A/N: he is hereeee hehe PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (all grishaverse fics): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15@dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha@story-scribbler@romanoffstarkovs@daliareads@meiitanoia @itsnotquimey@sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy @brekker-zenik @just-deka @graceknxwlson @the-very-tired-mess@whymyparentscheckmyphone@aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 TAG LIST (Kaz Brekker): @mufnasa @Janesofia7 @stairscortana @parker-natasha @illicitghosts @brick-by-brick553 TAG LIST (New In Town): @calums-betch add yourself to my tag lists here

After stealing a necklace and a crate full of jewellery, you developed a taste for sneaking around behind the Dregs' backs. This is not at all like your job back in Ravka, but you're getting the hang of it. A part of you prefers stealing for yourself over taking jobs from others.

At least this way, you get to be the one to make decisions. You get to decide wether or not to go through with a job, who you steal from and who gets hurt.

Back in Ravka, there had been a number of jobs that went wrong, and it mostly resulted into you fighting for your life. You won, but your opponent often wasn't so lucky. You'd hurt more people than you intended, but at least you got paid.

In Ketterdam, you had yet to fight someone to the death. You tried to avoid it. You stayed in the shadows, at a distance of the Barrel and its gangs.

As the weeks went by, you didn't have a lot of trouble. You listened in on Kaz' meetings with the others, and successfully stole four items they also had their eyes on. They still hadn't figured out it was you, and you took pride in that.

You occasionally ran into Jesper in the streets, but judging by the way he spoke to you, he still thought of you as a nice girl who was a bartender, and now worked at a cafe.

Only you didn't work at a cafe. But you trusted Jesper not to look further into it. You had the feeling he trusted you.

Given that you really like Jesper, you sometimes feel bad for sneaking around behind his back. But to see their confused faces when you outsmarted them again, was priceless.

And you didn't take all of it, anyway. You only sabotaged the jobs you wanted. Some jobs required more than one person, so you couldn't interfere with those. And you didn't want to take everything from them, just enough for you.

You got better at climbing buildings and jumping from roof to roof. You taught yourself how to pick a lock after you watched Kaz do it from a distance. It took you a few tries, but eventually, you got it right.

After spending so much time in Ketterdam, you started to feel at home. You didn't really have a lot of friends besides the people that lived in the same building as you.

Sometimes you wanted to tell Jesper all of it when you saw him in the streets. But you had quickly changed your mind when you saw them caught in a fight with a rival gang, and you saw they all knew how to fight. You didn't think they'd be too happy to find out you had been stealing from them.

So Ketterdam was nice, but also kind of lonely. In Ravka, you had a few friends. They didn't know what you did for a living, but they didn't seem to care. Everyone kept secrets.

You thought no one knew of your life in Ravka, so you were surprised when you heard a new name whispered on the streets of Ketterdam.

It was a name you hadn't heard in a long time. In Ravka, there had been whispers of a thief that worked so well, no one knew who they were. The Ravkans claimed the thief moved so swiftly, they became one with the shadows.

Without even knowing they were talking about you, one of your friends had once excitedly whispered to you about the so called shadow thief.

Though you hated the name, you were also a bit flattered they even gave you one. It meant you did your job good. And it also meant they hadn't discovered your identity yet.

You figured the people of Ketterdam had no way of finding out you are the thief they talk about. After all, the name was spoken for the first time weeks after you arrived. No one would be able to tell it was you.

You're walking down the streets, on your way back to your apartment. When you first got to the city, you didn't dare walk through the Barrel. But now that you've been there for a while and know the streets pretty well, you decide to take a shortcut.

Even if some drunk gang member would approach you, you had your weapons. As well as the escape routes you could take. All you had to do was climb up a building with a fire escape, and you'd be able to get away.

It's dark outside, but it doesn't scare you. You're listening to the sounds around you because even though you're familiar with the streets, it's still the Barrel. And you're still a girl walking home alone.

Your hand is on your knife that's hidden away in your coat pocket. It's only a little further to your apartment. Suddenly you get an uneasy feeling in your stomach and listen carefully for any sounds you might hear.

The most important lesson you learned was to trust your instincts. And right now, they are telling you you're being followed. You keep walking, pretending you haven't noticed them.

When you walk around a corner, you pull your knife out of your pocket. But before you can turn around and push the knife against their throat, something hard hits you behind your knees, knocking you to the ground.

You groan as you fall to the floor but are up again in seconds. It's dark, and you can't see who your opponent is. You dodge a second swing of a long object, and dart forward, ready to punch your attacker.

They raise their weapon to swing at you again, but you are quick to grab it and give it a hard pull, yanking it from their hand.

It catches them off guard. They stumble and you notice the way they clutch one of their legs. You raise the weapon - which you realise is a cane - and glare at your attacker.

'Give me a reason and I'll fucking crush your skull with your own cane.' you say. 'And I'm warning you, don't fucking test my patience.'

To your surprise, they chuckle lightly at your words.

'You won't do that. Because you won't get paid for that. No bodies if there is no payment.' says a raspy voice.

'What the fuck are you talking about?' you say.

'I'm talking about what you used to do for a living in Ravka, shadow thief.' he says. 'Mostly stealing, but sometimes things didn't go the way you wanted. If someone died, you demanded extra payment. Collateral damage.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.' you say, hoping you sound confident. 'If you're after my money you can piss off because I don't have anything on me and I don't intent on inviting you into my home. So get lost.'

You can see he wants to say something. You toss the cane toward him, it hits him in the stomach and he doubles over, gasping for breath.

'I wonder who you are without that cane to swing at people's knees, Brekker.' you say.

It didn't take long for you to figure out who it was. Only one person in Ketterdam walked around with such a recognisable cane. Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the one who had been planning all of your jobs for you.

'So you know who I am.' he says.

'Everyone in Ketterdam does.' you say.

'But not everyone in Ketterdam knows who you are.' says Kaz. 'You did quite a good job at keeping your identity hidden. Jesper tells me you work at a cafe, but every time I walk by, you're not there.'

You narrow your eyes at him. 'What do you want?' you say.

'I want you to know I know who you are, I see you. I know of all the jobs you did back in Ravka, I know your reputation. Now I am the only one who knows you are the shadow thief people whisper about. Imagine what I could do with that information.' says Kaz.

You're silent as you listen to him. Was he really going to threaten you?

'I could sell that information to the highest bidder. I'm sure there are people in Ravka who lost a lot because of you. They'd be happy to know who you are.' says Kaz.

'Be my guest.' you say. 'I can handle it. If all you wanted to do was to threaten me, I think I'll go now.'

'One more thing.' says Kaz. 'Why do my jobs for me? And don't deny it, I know it's you.'

You shrug. 'It's easy.' you say honestly. 'You plan it out, you do the hard work, all I have to do is make sure I arrive before you do.'

'But now I know it's you, I can take precautions against you.' says Kaz.

'Can you, though?' you say with a mischievous smile. 'You don't know how I get the information.'

You step closer to him, still smiling. 'I look forward to seeing what kind of precautions you're going to take. We'll see if they can really stop me, Brekker.' you say.

You step back again. 'Next time, if you want to talk, just knock on my front door. I'm sure it's easy for you to follow me to my apartment. I'll have fresh coffee ready for you and we can talk like civilised human beings.' you say and you turn around and start to walk away.

'Except for we're not civilised human beings, shadow thief.' you hear Kaz say as you walk away.

You smile to yourself as you keep on walking. You didn't know what Kaz thought he could do to stop you. If you are right, he didn't know how you got the information on his jobs.

He'd have to be patient, like you. You didn't know just how much he knows about you. He knows of your past, he knows you steal from him, maybe he'd guessed at your skills.

You'd have to be careful. He'd try to make sure you won't do his jobs for him anymore. And you have the feeling he knows very well how to play dirty.

But two can play that game.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LUNATIC PARADE ;; Subaru Route ー Chapter 2

*Thud*

*Creaaaak*

Yui: ( Nn... )

( Huh? What time is it...? )

*Rustle*

Yui: ( Last time, I somehow had trouble sleeping, so I didn’t get much rest... )

( ...? Huh...? I can’t move...! W-Why...!? )

???: ...

Yui: ( Someone’s...here...? Wait...!? )

ー She opens her eyes in the hotel room

*Rustle*

Yui: ーー S-Subaru-kun!?

( Huh, hold up? Why is Subaru-kun on my side of the bed...!? )

( Did I fall asleep on the wrong side by accident...? ...No, that shouldn’t be the case... )

Subaru: ...Nn...

Yui: ( Wah! Oh no! Is he waking up...!? )

Subaru: ...Ah?

Yui: Um...Well...Good...morning...?

Subaru: Yeah...Hm?

Wait, y-you!? Why are you here!?

Didn’t I tell you to stay away from this side!?

*Thud*

Yui: No! This is my side...!

Subaru: Haah!? Yeah riーー

Yui: But look! My Rosary is placed next to the pillow...

Subaru: ...

Yui: ( What now? He went silent... )

Subaru: Aah...Right...Yesterday...

Haah...

Yui: Um, Subaru-kun...?

Subaru: ...How are you feelin’?

Yui: Eh...? How I feel? I’m totally fine though...

Subaru: ...Good.

Yui ( I wonder what he means...? )

Anyway...Why were you sleeping on my side of the bed...?

Subaru: ...Well...

...Oh shut up. Why does it matter!?

Yui: Eh? ...I’m curious...

( I mean...He’s the one who kept on telling me to stay on my side... )

Subaru: ...

Yui: ...

Subaru: ...Che! Aah, fuck!

Fine! I just gotta tell you, right!?

...You were...grunting in your sleep last night.

Yui: Eh...?

Subaru: I could hear you suffering all the way over on my side so...

So...I decided to check up on you.

...Got a problem with it?

Yui: Ah...

( So the pain in my chest from last night didn’t just occur in a dream... )

( So that’s why Subaru-kun joined me... )

You were worried about me, weren’t you?

Subaru: Wha...I wasn’t concerned or anythin’...

Yui: Fufu...

Subaru: Fuck! Don’t you dare laugh!

*Thud*

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah...!? 

Don’t pull me by my arm all of a sudden...!

Subaru: Shut up! Let’s get some more sleep.

Yui: Eeh...!? 

Subaru: Now shut up and let me hold you...!

*Creaaak*

Yui: ( Geez. We should really hurry and get up though...However... )

( I’m sure he watched over me all night yesterday... )

( I guess just a short nap...should be fine? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the main street

Yui: This antique dealer you mentioned yesterday...Do you know where we can find him?

Subaru: Yeah. ...If I’m bein’ honest, I’d rather not get anywhere close to him though...

Yui: Is he that much of an oddball...? 

Subaru: Rather than odd...He’s just a plain freak who always finds something to call you out on.

He’s just some stupid old geezer who doesn’t even hold back towards my Old Man.

Yui: Come on, no need to say that...

Subaru: Hmph...

However...He’s probably the only person in the whole Demon World who would dare to defy our dad.

I have to give him credit in that regard.

Yui: Heeh...I see...

( Going against Karlheinz-san...That’s quite the impressive feat... )

( I wonder what kind of person he is...? )

Subaru: I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere around here...

Aah, right here! ...Let’s go in.

ー The scene shifts to Aizen Stahl antique shop

Subaru: ーー Oi, anyone here?

Antique dealer: Hm...?

Ooh! Well if it isn’t the Sakamaki’s little one!

Yui: ( So this man is the antique dealer... )

Antique dealer: You used to be such a wee little fella! 

But you’ve scored yourself a girl in the meantime, I see?

Antique dealer: ...Well, seems like she has a bit of a shovel face (1) though.

Yui: A-A shovel face...!?

( How mean... )

Subaru: Che...

...Don’t let it get to your heart. I told you he’s a disgustin’ freak who only knows how to insult others, remember?

Yui: Y-Yeah...

Antique dealer: So? What brings you here today? You sure don’t drop by every day!

Are you here to run an errand on Karlheinz’s behalf? Hehe...

Subaru: I’m not. The Old Man has nothin’ to do with this.

...Do you know Count Walter?

Antique dealer: ...

Subaru: Let’s just say I ended up wreckin’ a few of that guy’s furnishings yesterday. 

Antique dealer: ...You did?

Subaru: ...Yeah.

Antique dealer: Hooh...Furnishings which belonged to Walter, huh...?

Heh...Hahaha! Right, I see! You destroyed them!

Splendid!

I have to give you props, little one.

Yui: Eh...?

( He burst out laughing for some reason...!? )

Subaru: O-Oi...?

Antique dealer: I won’t hide it, I loathe that guy.

Yui: You do...?

Antique dealer: Yeah, of course! He actually stole something very precious to me in the past.

Ever since, I’ve had a strong hatred towards him...

So hearing what happened just now made me very pleased.

Yui: ( I see...So that’s his reasoning... )

Antique dealer: I’m pretty sure I should be able to cover for pretty much anything he has in his manor aside from the stuff in his treasure storage?

Subaru: For real!?

Yui: Thank god...!

Antique dealer: If it’s to give that guy a run for his money...I’ll gladly lend you a hand.

What are you looking to replace?

Yui: Vases, sculptures and paintings...

Antique dealer: I see. I might be able to help out then. Wait one second, okay?

ー The antique dealer walks away

Yui: Seems like we might be able to fix things somehow, Subaru-kun...!

Subaru: Yeah, you’re right...

*TIMESKIP*

Antique dealer: Sorry for the wait. What do you think about this?

I assume the items which were destroyed were similar to the ones lined up here?

Subaru: Yeah, pretty much.

Yui: In which case...The Count might just forgive us if we bring him these...!

Subaru: Yeah, thanks for the help. Well thenーー

Antique dealer: Halt!

*SMACK*

Subaru: Ow...! The fuck was that for!?

Antique dealer: I never said you’re gettin’ this for free, did I?

Subaru: Haah!? Weren’t you gonna help us out!?

Antique dealer: If you’re gonna complain to me, then you can forget about getting these!

Subaru: Guh...

...Right! I’ll have the Old Man arrange the money from the human world.

So can’t we make a trade?

Antique dealer: Hmph! I can’t imagine Karlheinz will pay for something like this.

Subaru: ...Ugh...

Yui: Then...What do we have to do to get these...? 

Antique dealer: Let’s see...

If you bring me the three items I want, I’d be willing to exchange.

Well, in other words, you two will be my personal servants!

Yui: Servants...

Subaru: Che...It’s a drag...but guess we have no other choice...

ーー Fine. We’ll fetch them for you.

Antique dealer: ...Is that a yes? We have a deal then!

Yui: What should we look for first?

Antique dealer: ...A clown mask. An antique one.

Subaru: Haah!? Why do you want that!?

Antique dealer: Sometimes we just want things without a specific reason, right?

You don’t have to if you don’t want to? Although that also means you won’t be getting any of these.

Subaru: ...I said I’d do it, didn’t I!? I’ll find that crap in no time so just wait here! ...Fuck!

ー The scene shifts to Saint Nore Park venue

Yui: It’s even more crowded than I thought...

Subaru: Yeah...This sucks...

Yui: ( It was to be expected with the ongoing Parade though... )

 ーー Ah! But there’s a clown over there! I wonder if some sort of performance will start soon?

( Seems like we made a good decision by coming to the amusement park. Now if we can just ask him about the maskーー )

Vampire Child A: Ah! It’s a clown! Hurry up!

Vampire Child B: Wait for me!

Clown A: Now, now, don’t push!

Yui: ( Wah, he’s really popular...We can’t even get close... )

Subaru: Oi, what are we gonna do now? We can’t get to the clown ‘cause of all these lil’ brats who are in the way.

Yui: Yeah...At this rate, the show will start...

( What now...? )

Clown B: ...What should we do?

Clown C: It’s not like asking that question will get us any further...We’re in quite the pinch...

Yui: ( Hm? Those people over there... )

Say, why don’t we try talking to those two clowns preparing for the show over there?

They seem to be struggling with something...

ー Yui and Subaru approach the clowns

Yui: Excuse me...

Clown B: Yes?

Yui: What’s the matter? Is there a problem of some sorts...?

Clown C: Ah...Well...The clown who was supposed to be the star of today’s show, you see...

He injured himself and can no longer perform...

Vampire Child A: The show’s still not starting!?

Vampire Child B: We’re tired of waiting!

Yui: ( Ah...The children... )

Clown A: ...I don’t think I can buy us any more time! What now!?

Yui: Excuse me! Could we perhaps help out in some way?

Clown B: Eeh!? But...

Subaru: Hah? Oi, you, what are you...!?

Clown C: No...This might work. Even just some help with the fountain show would be much appreciated...

Clown B: ...Now that you mention it...They should probably be able to handle that much...Guess we have no other choice, huh?

Subaru: What are you thinkin’!? There’s just no way we could help out...!?

Yui: I’m sorry for making a rash decision, but...

If we help them out, perhaps they’d be more willing to return the favor afterwards...

Subaru: ...

Clown A: Will you do us this favor?

Subaru: Good point...It’d probably speed things up a little...

...Fine. We’ll do it.

Clown C: Thank you so much! Well then...We’re running short on time, so let’s get straight to it.

Yui: Yes...!

*TIMESKIP*

Clown A: Attention, everyone! The long wait is over!

Clown B: Allow us to take you to a world of dreams and fantasies!

Yui: ( Okay...Let’s give it our best shot...! )

Explanation: Press the arrow keys at the right time, following the instructions on the screen to complete the fountain show.

You can play this game in EASY, NORMAL or HARD mode.

*Clap clap clap*

Yui: ( I suppose...it went well...? )

Vampire Child A: Ohー! Amazing!

Vampire Child B: The fountain was awesome too...!

Clown A: Thank you very much! It was a grand success! 

Yui: Really...? We did it, Subaru-kun!

*Rustle*

Subaru: Uwah...!?

Yui: ( Thank god...We pulled it off...! )

Subaru: O-Oi! Move back!

Yui: Eh?

Vampire Child A: Ahー! It’s a couple! They’re dating!!

Vampire Child B: You’re right~! Look at them being all lovey-dovey!

Yui: ...!

( I was so happy, I acted without thinking...! )

Ah, Subaru-kun. This is...You see, I didn’t...!

Vampire Child B: Couple! Couple!

Subaru: Che...Shut your damn mouths!

Vampire Child A: Wahー! He got mad! Let’s make a run for it!!

ー The children run off

Subaru: Fuck...!

Yui: ( Uu...What am I doing...? How embarrassing...! ) 

I-I’m sorry for doing such a weird thing out of nowhere...!

Subaru: Geez...

Clown C: Gosh, we were only able to hold our show because of you two.

On top of that, it got an even better reaction than we expected!

Clown B: Thank you so much!

Yui: ( I’m glad we managed to help them out. )

*TIMESKIP*

Clown A: ーー Allow me to once again thank you both for your cooperation.

Clown B: Please let us give you something to show our thanks!

Yui: U-Um...Actually, we happen to be looking for something...

ー Subaru shows them an image

Subaru: ーー This is it. Does it ring any bells?

Clown C: This is...

Yui: ( Ah...That picture... )

Subaru: Apparently it’s a clown mask. If you have it, could you give it to us?

Clown A: Ahー ...This is a rather old mask. I just hope we still have one left in the storage...

However, you were such a great help to us earlier, so we’ll try our best to look for it!

Yui: Really!? Thank you so much...!

Clown A: We’ll go search then...Could you wait for us for a while?

Yui: We’re counting on you!

ー The clowns walk away

Yui: Good news, right?

Subaru: I just hope they find it...

Yui: ( ...We’ve got some free time on our hands. What should we do? )

Ah...Say, Subaru-kun? Why don’t we go on some of the rides while we’re here?

Subaru: Aah?

Yui: I’m sure it’d be boring to just stand around waiting...

Subaru: ...Which one do you want to ride?

Yui: Um...Let’s see...Ah, how about the merry-go-round?

Subaru: Haah!? You really think I’m goin’ anywhere near that childish crap!?

Yui: Ah...

( Guess that’s a no...I would have loved to go on a ride together now that we have the chance though... )

Subaru: ...

...Che.

ー Subaru walks away

Yui: Subaru-kun...?

Subaru: ...Why are you spacin’ out over there? Hurry up.

Yui: Eh? ...Hurry for what...?

Subaru: That thing...You want to ride it, right? Then come here before I change my mind.

Yui: ...Yeah!

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Haah, that was so much fun...!

Subaru: In what world!? ...The only thing I felt was shame!

For one...I was goin’ to sit down in one of the carriages...

But that darn employee...How dare they seat us on one of those stupid horses...!?

I’m sendin’ them flyin’ the next time we meet...!

Yui: ( Well, it was a little embarrassing to ride the horse together... )

I enjoyed riding together with you. Thank you, Subaru-kun.

Subaru: ...

Well...I guess it’s fine if you had fun...But I’m never gettin’ on that thing again!

Clown A: ーー Sorry for the wait!

Yui: Y-You’re the clown from earlier...

Subaru: Did you find it?

Clown A: Well...As we feared, it’s too old of a model so we didn’t have any left in stock.

Subaru: Haah!?

Yui: N-No way...!

Clown A: However, they might still have it over at the dress shop in town!

Yui: Dress shop...

( I suppose we should try heading there then. )

Thank you for the valuable piece of information. We’ll try our luck there next.

Clown A: Yes. Be careful...!

ー The scene shifts to Aizen Alleyway

Subaru: ーー So where’s this dress shop?

Yui: Yeah...According to the map we received earlier, it should be around here.

I suppose it could be that place attracting a crowd over there...?

Subaru: A crowd...? I’ve had enough of those.

Yui: Ahaha, right...

( However, is this bad hunch just overthinking on my part...? )

ー They enter the dress shop

Yui: ...

Subaru: ...

Why is it this crowded in here as well...!?

Yui: Y-Yeah...

( The bad feeling I had became reality...! )

Um...Excuse me. Is something going to happen here?

Female Vampire A: Yes. The fashion show is about to start.

Yui: Fashion show!?

If their show is about to start, I’m sure the staff will be busy...

Subaru: Yeah...This crowd is getting on my nerves as well. Let’s wait somewhere else till it’s over.

Yui: Yeah...Guess we should...

( I’m kind of curious what a fashion show in the Demon World looks like thoughーー )

???: Ah! Hey! Wait, you!

Subaru: Aah?

Yui: ( Hm...? )

???: Come with me, please!

ー She pulls Subaru along

*Rustle*

Subaru: Aah!? The fuck do you want all of a sudden!?

Dress shop owner: I’m the owner of this place! I’ll explain the details in the back, just come with me for now!

*Rustle*

Subaru: Oi, wait!

Yui: Ah, hey...!

( What is going on...? Guess I’ll follow them for now... )

ー The scene shifts to the changing room

Yui: ( We were taken to the back of the store... )

Dress shop owner: I’m sorry this is a little sudden, but could you please change into this outfit? 

Subaru: Haah!? This is more than ‘a little’ sudden! The fuck do you want!?

Dress shop owner: ...Right. I suppose I was a little too pushy...

We’re actually about to get started with our fashion show...

However, I’ve been in quite the pinch since I was unable to find a model to wear my best creation.

We did find a substitute, but they just don’t fit the image I have in mind.

Then you appeared in front of me! You’re the perfect fit!

Yui: ( Subaru-kun...A model... )

Subaru: Fuck off! You must be mental if you think I’m doin’ that shit!

Dress shop owner: Oh no! I will have you be my model!

I’m sure my clothes would be overjoyed to be worn by you as well!

Subaru: Hmph, bullshit. Oi, we’re leavin’.

ー Subaru starts walking away

Yui: Ah, but...

( We have to ask her about the mask... )

( And above all... )

( I’m very much interested in seeing Subaru-kun take part in a fashion show...! )

Say, Subaru-kun...Why not take this opportunity to participate?

Subaru: Aah!? Have you hit your head as well!?

Yui: ...Oh come on, please?

Also...Lend me your ear for a bit?

Subaru: Aah?

*Rustle*

Yui: It might be a good chance to ask about the mask...!

Subaru: ...

Dress shop owner: I don’t know what you’re whispering about but...

I’d like to ask you for your cooperation as well. I’m convinced you’ll be the best model for this outfit!

Subaru: ...

...Gimme that. I’ll go change.

*Rustle*

Yui: Subaru-kun...!

Dress shop owner: Oh my! Thank you so much! This way, please!

Yui: ( I can’t wait to see what it’ll look like...! )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the main street

*Snap snap*

Yui: ( All of the models have such great figures. (2) I can only dream to look like that... )

( I wonder when it’ll be Subaru-kun’s turn...? )

Dress shop owner: Well then, to wrap up the show, we have none other than my pride and joy!

Yui: ( Ah, there he is...! )

*Snap snap snap*

Monologue

Subaru-kun’s appearance as he set foot on the stage,

was so handsome,

he made the whole crowd swoon.

...He did seem somewhat grumpy though.

Perhaps it’s due to the different style of clothes,

but it felt refreshing to me.

Standing next to him,

was the shop clerk from earlierーー

who looked equally stunning.

However...I could not help but grow a little curious,

as this seemingly picture-perfect duo,

seemed to be whispering something to each other. 

Dress shop owner: Just look at how ecstatic everyone is...!

Come on, you should wave at the crowd as well!

*Smack*

Subaru: ーー Get your hands off me.

Yui: ( Ah...! He slapped away her hand. )

Subaru: I’m already taken. (3) Go try your luck with some other guy.

Dress shop owner: Oh dear...

...Fufu, could it be that young lady?

Subaru: ...Hmph.

Yui: ( I just hope he won’t start another fight... )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ーー Subaru-kun!

Subaru: ...Ah, there you are.

Yui: Ah...You already changed it seems.

Subaru: Well, duh. You really think I was gonna stay in that get-up forever?

Yui: ( I’d love to tell Subaru-kun my thoughts on his performance from earlier while I have the chance...Now how to put it? )

Selection

→ You looked interesting

Yui: Um...You looked interesting just now, you know!

Subaru: Funny...Aah? Are you makin’ fun of me!?

Yui: Eh!? Ah, I didn’t mean it like that...I just thought you looked very precious while going down the catwalk wearing something you usually wouldn’t.

Subaru: Please make it clear whether you’re complimenting or insulting me...

Yui: ...Sorry.

( I should have just genuinely complimented him. )

Subaru: Then what were you tryin’ to say?

Yui: Well...You know, I just thought

→ You looked handsome (☾)

Yui: You were very handsome just now!

Subaru: Y-You think so? I didn’t do anythin’ special though.

Yui: That’s not true. The clothes fit you to a T as well...!

Subaru: ...Thanks.

Dress shop owner: Thank you so much for earlier. Thanks to you, the show was a big success.

Subaru: I did as you asked earlier, so now you have to listen to one of our requests.

Dress shop owner: What could that be? I will gladly help where I can.

Subaru: ...Does this picture ring a bell? We’re lookin’ for it.

Dress shop owner: ...Oh my, we have this in our storage room. I’ll go get it so wait here, okay?

*TIMESKIP*

Dress shop owner: ーー Is this it?

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah, that’s it!

Dress shop owner: I don’t see myself using it any time soon so...If you need it, you can have it.

*Rustle*

Yui: Thank you very much! We did it, Subaru-kun!

Subaru: Hmph...I honestly have no idea why that guy even wants this relic of the past...

Whatever. Anyway, we’re goin’ back to that geezer’s place pronto!

Yui: Good idea. Ah, thank you so much, truly!

Dress shop owner: I’m just glad I was able to return the favor. Please feel free to drop by again anytime!

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts back to the antiques shop

Subaru: ーー Here! Happy now?

*Thud*

Antique dealer: Ooh! This is it! I didn’t think you’d actually be able to find it!

Subaru: Honestly, I don’t get why you want this crap.

But...We cleared the first hurdle now, right?

Antique dealer: Yeah, of course. I’ll be counting on you two again tomorrow!

ー The scene shifts to the Diamante Fountain

Subaru: Haah...I’m beat...

Yui: We haven’t been able to catch a break right from day one, huh...?

Ah, I got us some churros from that food truck over there. Want some?

Subaru: Yeah...Nn...

...Guess it’s true that sweets are the best thing to eat when you’re tired...

Yui: Fufu...

( Still, so much stuff went down today. )

( I hope we can get through tomorrow as well... )

Subaru: Don’t look so worried. ...I’m here with you, remember?

Yui: Yeah...!

( Right, as long as I’m together with Subaru-kun, I’m sure everything will turn out fine...! )

( Okay, I’ll try my best again tomorrow! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) In Japanese, he calls her チンクシャ or ‘chinkusha’, which is a very rude term used to describe women who have a flat/small nose and are therefore considered ugly. 

I looked up similar slang terms in English and ‘shovel face’ seemed like the best fit.

(2) スタイルがいい or ‘style ga ii’ actually refers more to someone’s body type/figure, rather than their fashion style, even when talking about models.

(3) Literally he says that he has already been booked, using the word 予約 or ‘yoyaku’, which you would also use when booking a hotel room or a restaurant.

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 1

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 3]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ REIJI]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ KOU]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/ CARLA]

[tobiosmilktea]

 umpah umpah! smau

↪︎ bokuto x f!reader x iwaizumi

[021] — like a storm!

masterlist | prev. | next

a/n: swear my writing hasn’t been that good recently and i blame it on my lack of freetime 😔 anyway here’s 4.5k words of trashy word dump that i wrote in 2 hours ;)) also peep the tlc reference

in theory, this picnic blanket was much too small for the likes of fitting a webtoon author, an editor, and a beefy volleyball player all at once, and yet, it still managed to fit two more to come join—tightly bunched up in the park at night as the crisp air temperature slowly drops. having a picnic at the cusp of autumn and winter was a definite mistake, but then again, perhaps they were used to it by now.

it wasn’t like the cold was bothering bokuto at this point anyway as his blood simmered with a boiling hot ichor. he had a death grip on his phone as satomi left him on read. all the volleyball player could do was roll his eyes and scoff as he taps your shoulder. akaashi, who sat on the other side of you was in the midst of speaking to you, yet was interrupted by the bright white light from the screen shone across your faces.

your eyes scanned the texts, feeling your lungs desperately yearning for air. her words suffocated you, crushing your airways as you struggled to breathe. perhaps you have forgotten how to at that very moment. they say it takes about three minutes for someone to suffocate from the lack of oxygen and if akaashi didn’t shake you, that probably would have been you. the fact that seeing that damn photo made your heart shatter more times than you could count over a course of the past few days. you couldn’t catch a fucking break, could you?

you had to look away. if you had stared at satomi in iwaizumi’s bed any longer, you would’ve screamed your head off.

“god, these cookies are so fucking good. i would literally marry these if i could,” kaori moaned into another bite of a matcha shortbread cookie. she practically threw herself over yuko’s lap as she reached in her little baggie for more. “these cookies are a godsend, (y/n), where did you get them?”

“this bakery right next to onigiri miya, apparently they make good lemon macarons as well.” you mutter. the semblance of seeing those texts was still evident upon your expression.

yuko doesn’t fail to notice the way the timbre of your voice had changed within a sudden moment. she gives you a look, “what’s wrong?” her words, careful and genuine filled you with something somber as bokuto handed his phone to her.

kaori grunts slightly as she lifts herself off of yuko, yet her body was still leaned over to skim the texts along with her.

it was a nervous habit of yours to fiddle with your fingers, picking and scratching at your chipped nail polish until it was all gone. you don’t remember when this became a habit, but you always did this whilst you waited for something you dreaded to hear the answer to. as if the nerves within you pooled into a wave, crashing back and forth like a tide until you either get dragged along with it or somehow manage to survive.

their expressions contorted into a nasty mixture of disgust and absolute horror. even kaori who has seen the despicable sweet-tongued manipulations of nicotine-stained fingers of incels had to shake her head and push the phone away.

“i never liked that girl from the start,” yuko scoffs. she hands the phone back to bokuto, watching him switch it off and dropping it onto the cushioned picnic blanket in annoyance.

“god, the amount of anger coursing through my body right now...” muttered bokuto, “i can’t believe she would do this.”

“at least she didn’t do anything to iwaizumi,” akaashi tried to reason. things were already so messed up, it was the least he could do.

kaori shakes her head, clearing her throat from the dryness of the shortbread cookie. “doesn’t matter,” her words were venomous and cutthroat, “she’s still a terrible person considering she got him drunk and made him tell her shit that wasn’t any of her business. what a fucking snake.”

you pursed your lips slightly, wanting to close your eyes and make this all disappear the moment you wake up. the chill of the night air had finally struck you. it was that sudden urge to run away as fast as possible, to escape the words you wholeheartedly wanted to leave behind continued to follow you like haunting poltergeists. and as if the tingling phrases of whispered memoirs of your mistakes weren’t enough, your own decisions whether it was right or wrong lingered back to both iwaizumi and bokuto. it’s heavy baggage you so dearly wanted to get rid of, but the solutions seemed so skewed and out of place for you to comprehend properly that even the chill in the air started to burn.

bokuto glanced at you with worry coated the emotions in his eyes. his hand reached for yours, lacing his fingers through your own as his palm—though rough and calloused—was warm against the biting cold of your hand. it comforted you more than you had expected with the way it was hidden from the others, almost melting when bokuto started to rub his thumb in little circles on the back of your hand and over your knuckles.

your hands were so soft, he had forgotten how much he liked holding them. he could memorize each and every detail just by admiring the way your hand looked so tiny next to his, yet they fit together like a glove.

you swore your heart was ready to jump out of your throat then. you weren’t sure if bokuto could even feel the way you squeezed his hand slightly as a silent answer.

“we should do something about it,” you say after a few beats of silence had passed, but it only comes out in a hushed mutter.

bokuto squeezed back, “like what?”

“i don’t really know,” you shrug while you shook your head, “just something that’ll make her learn a lesson or two.”

kaori gasps, “we should sue her!”

you and the others gave her a look.

“like seriously, sexual assault allegations are terrible especially since she’s a famous sports team’s physical therapist!”

“there probably isn’t enough evidence for that to work, kaori, considering they only made out.” yuko says matter-of-factly, “besides, suing someone is expensive and we don’t have that kind of budget right now.”

kaori braids over arms over each other in disappointment, “that’s lame.”

“yuko’s right.” you sighed, “i don’t want things to get out of hand and end up going public either. iwaizumi is already mad at the fact that i used him for a webtoon and surely being part of a lawsuit would only make it worse.”

it had come to a point that you had noticed how far everything has come. you wanted to laugh at how fast everything went downhill within a matter of months. the skeleton of your mistakes was just waiting for its last bits to fall and crush you.

there had to be a way to just make this—whatever this entire thing is to just end already.

akaashi opened his mouth to speak after keeping his thoughts to himself this entire time, “what if we just... get her fired?” he finished the last of his words in a blazing hesitance as if we would absolutely hate the idea. granted, it wasn’t much to work off of just by a simple proposal, but it had potential.

“we could, but how exactly are we going to do that?” bokuto asks curiously.

“didn’t you say that tomas recently got injured?” akaashi starts, earning a nod from bokuto to have him continue, “well if we want to be discrete as possible we could do it the old-fashioned way.”

yuko furrowed her brows as she asked, “which is?”

“if she keeps missing work or arriving late, she could potentially lose her job.”

kaori bursts out laughing, heaving a heavy snort as she mused at akaashi, “seriously? is that really our best option?”

akaashi rolled his eyes as she teases, “since you wanted to go the legal route, technically, it is.”

the girl’s laughter came to a slow cease, cocking her head in interest as she waited for one of them to elaborate.

“no yeah, there’s still a chance for this to actually work.” bokuto starts without a second thought. hell, he even forgot he was still holding your hand. “professional sports teams require their medical team to be at every game whether it’s real or just practice since the players are always at risk of getting injured. satomi’s known to be good at being there every day on time, so if yoji and their boss sees that she’s consistently missing work now for... let’s say—iwaizumi—and tomas isn’t getting treated asap, they’re allowed to replace her. and if you’re replaced, there’s basically no going back even if it is just temporary. and if that happens...” he pauses as he holds back a smirk, “she’s going to be fined legally with negligence—worst-case scenario, she’ll probably be fined for nonfeasance too.”

“whoa there, those are some big words, sir.” says kaori, “someone catch me up here?”

akaashi lets out a sigh, “nonfeasance means failure to do what’s expected.”

the sound of awe left kaori as she nods in understanding.

“is this really necessary? it seems like a lot of work just to get back at her.” yuko has always been a rational person, just like akaashi, but the only difference between them was that she liked to do things the fastest and most easy way.

“if we play our cards right, i think we could do it.” says bokuto.

“then i think we need all the help we can get if we really want this to work out.” akaashi said, craning his neck towards you to ask, “should i tell semi and suga about it?”

it’s not even a question for you to answer considering how obvious the answer was. of course, you had to tell them. they basically knew everything already, and if anything they’re the only ones who could make this plan actually work.

“i can also tell my team about it to help.” bokuto adds in, but you cut him a look, “only atsumu, sakusa, hinata, and tomas of course. i promise i’ll only tell them what they need to know. what do you think?”

“as long as satomi gets what she deserves.”

you hated the way your thoughts were an endless motion of suffering. it had been keeping you awake all night as you tossed and turned. you couldn’t rest now as if a giant cinder block of forbidden serendipities would clash-boom-bang back onto you as it was being held by a teetering string of floss. it was bound to snap at any second. you yearned for even just a few minutes of rest as maybe these suffocating feelings would disappear once you woke up in the early morning.

it was still dark out—three a.m... maybe, but all you knew was that it was late and your flurrying thoughts were giving you so much residual energy that you needed to extrude. it wasn’t a form of adrenaline or a sugar rush, no, it was something else. your body was well beyond fatigued, but rather your mind was running like a brain on drugs.

there were so many things rushing through your head that it morphed into a jungle of tangled vines of plenty. it was a storming blizzard that couldn’t be calmed down as you finally pushed yourself off your bed, forcing your sheets off of you and sitting on the side of the matress. guilt was eating you alive, gnawing at your hollow chest as your semblance withered while the minutes passed. you just wanted for everything to just stop. please just stop.

maybe this is why you never told any of them. the stress, the consequences— you knew damn well that shit would hit the fan if you did, and yet it’s inevitable. the truth would have come out sooner or later.

ugh, why are you like this? you thought to yourself, dragging your fingers through your hair as you sighed out.

the answers were obvious, but it was the tingling of your lips that sent waves of heat to your cheeks as you recalled the kiss... the kiss! holy shit, the kiss. it hit you then when it played back in your head from a few hours ago when bokuto dropped you off at your door. something melted in bokuto’s eyes the moment you looked back at him, heat emanating from every inch of his skin as you tracked the tension in his body. he leaned over with his face just a few centimeters shy from yours and you swore he could probably hear your heart punching against your ribcage. bokuto could feel the warmth of your breath fanning against his chin and for a moment the world and all the problems in it seemed to disappear for a brief moment. before you knew it he kissed you gently as if it was his last. it certainly would be for a while, anyway.

“dammit,” you cursed in a harsh whisper, leaning over to switch on your bedside lamp in a swift flick.

you slapped your cheeks to force the thought out of your head as you made your way to your desk. you turned your desk lamp on with it’s bright yellow hue flickering slightly over your messy work area. it was scattered with paperwork and miscellaneous notes that it was surely beyond your mood to even fix-up.

usually, you tend to be pretty clean and organized with your desk space, and yet with recent events, you’ve been letting the work pile up instead. you’ve always liked the saying, this is something future (y/n) can deal with, but for once you hated yourself for it. besides, look where it got you.

a sigh escaped your lips when you plopped yourself upon your chair. your delicate fingers traced along the edges of the neatly bonded sheets of love cemetery’s storyboard. you started it earlier today with the help of the rest of the ddd team after the director of the project gave you the freedom to do so as usually, he would be in charge of making the storyboard and such. despite being rather chaotic on a daily basis, you were glad to be surrounded by people who always put a smile on your face while still getting work done. those were the best types of people to work with—friends that cared about you.

you guys managed to get the first fifteen pages done and you needed twenty completed panels in less than twenty-four hours. you were used to this type of pressure, especially while you were working on your webtoon. you were surprised how many times you sprained your hand from constantly working that the aching pain between your joints and your wrists were second nature at this point. surely, you would have carpal tunnel by now if akaashi wasn’t there to always nag you to take breaks.

with a few wrist stretches and cracks of your knuckles, you flipped to the next scene—the day you and bokuto met. your heart tugged slightly as you envisioned the scene you drew in your webtoon, slowly converting it into a movie scene in your head.

oh, how things have changed.

your hand ached for mercy by the time seven a.m. struck. the sun had already peeked through the horizon, sending rays of sunlight through the blinds of your bedroom window as a greeting for the new morning. you had been sketching out the storyboard for five nonstop hours (give or take a few minutes in between trying not to let the different events in the story get to you).

you’ve always had a strange habit of ignoring the pain in your wrist, but now it was certainly unbearable. the lead pencil that was hot to the touch from the heat from your hand dropped onto your desk in a clatter. your eyes flicked down to your palm as you could feel the fatigue darkening your eyebags. your hands were practically alabaster from the constant pressure that it took a good moment for the circulation to run back into your hand.

you left your bedroom and made your way to your kitchenette. it was like your body was moving on its own, grabbing a mug, turning on your kettle, and tossing teaspoons of sugar in your cup for your morning tea as if you were on autopilot.

silence had surrounded you for far too long, you needed some form of sound to keep you sane from staying up all night and leaving you alone with your thoughts to just take over. sounds from the television hummed through the quaint air of your apartment in the lowest possible volume, just beneath the whistling of the tea kettle atop your stove.

you poured out the boiling hot water as your eyes followed the way the tea steeped through the liquid like a spreading storm.

the doorbell rang then, causing your head to swirl towards your door with slight confusion filling your expression. who would even come by so early in the morning?

the floorboards of your apartment creaked at your light steps as you trod towards the door, almost flinching at the cold surface of the handle as you unlocked it. you pulled the door open. there was that infamous morning chill in the autumn air that bit at your bare arms and legs. the heat from your apartment escaped at the motion as your breath hitched within your throat.

he looked out of breath and filled with fearful tension as his broad shoulders relaxed a bit at your sight. his usual soft brown locks that are always styled was tangled and woven into each other like a basket weave. hell, he looked as if he rushed immediately here the moment he woke up, all disheveled and almost desperate. poor guy didn’t even think to put on a coat before coming.

what the hell is he doing here?

“iwa—?” you attempted to say out loud in a harsh whisper that could barely leave your body in the first place. and yet, your voice disappeared into his chest as he pulls you into him, warmth engulfing you like burning ember.

you swallowed the lump forming in your throat as you froze. call it shock or just plain confusion but you couldn’t bring yourself to move your arms from the way iwaizumi’s embrace trapped them to your sides. just the plain sensation of the heat rising from his skin was enough to simmer down your awe as you finally managed to wrap your arms around him.

“i’m sorry,” he mutters into your shoulder.

you captured your bottom lip between your teeth. “i’m sorry too,” you say in the same matter, yet your voice almost sounded hoarse from the dryness in your throat. “i should’ve told you the truth.”

“and i shouldn’t have said those things that i said to you...”

a response would usually follow right after, but you couldn’t piece together the correct words and all of the nuanced phrases in your head to say into the air. your thoughts were too far cluttered and chaotic to even say anything more other than, “it’s okay.”

iwaizumi could only pull you in closer, hold you tighter, and leave his arms around you as if he feared that you would disappear out of his reach if he were to let go even in the slightest. he made the mistake of letting you go that one night many years ago and he has learned his lesson since them. he’s not going to take any more chances.

you two have been in each other’s arms for a while now, but you couldn’t find the strength in you to let go. you haven’t felt iwaizumi’s hugs in so long that perhaps you wanted to savor it a bit longer as well. like a little treat—a reward of a few minutes of peace after a thunderstorm of misunderstanding where all that’s left is the aroma of lingering petrichor of bittersweet nothings. you would like to call this a small victory, but something was off.

“iwa,” you say once you finally pulled yourself into your senses, “what’s wrong?”

“i did something bad, (y/n). i fucked up.”

you pull away from him slightly, just enough to be able to look at him in the eye but still be in the comfort of his arms. “what happened?”

“i was so fucking stupid, i shouldn’t have agreed to go with satomi.” oh, you thought as the words left his mouth. you pursed your lips together, forcing yourself to lock your gaze onto him as he spoke. “i ended up getting drunk and telling her everything that happened by accident.”

it’s okay, i already know. i already know, i already know. the words rang inside your head as you fought to say the words, but nothing was coming out. you did nothing wrong, it’s okay, it’s okay. there was so much hurt and betrayal lacing iwaizumi’s copper eyes that you feared anything you say (regardless if it was in his favor) would obliterate everything that just happened into dust. seriously, how bad would it sound telling a person that you were already aware of what they did? iwaizumi already had so many trust issues that you were treading on thin ice right now.

it really all came down to the question: do what’s right or do what’s easy?

right or easy, right or easy?

for years you have been choosing the easy route to undermine your problems. you always thought to yourself, if you had ignored the problem long enough, eventually it’ll all go away. it might have worked for the tiniest of things, but you should’ve known it would never work when you were fucking up other people’s lives from your own selfishness.

you didn’t want to be selfish anymore.

“we ended up sleeping together.”

you scrunched your brows in confusion, “what?”

did satomi lie then? did they actually sleep together?

“i-i don’t even remember how it all happened!” iwaizumi exclaimed in such urgency. he certainly didn’t want to make the gap between you two any bigger, “all i remember was that we kissed but before i knew it, i woke up to her in my bed but she was fully clothed.”

you sigh with a huff, trying to piece together the disarrayed parts together as you recalled bokuto’s words from last night, satomi doesn’t lie when it comes to sleeping around. the sentence wandering your thoughts as the boy before you continue to ramble. so maybe satomi didn’t lie after all, “listen, iwa—”

“you gotta believe me, (y/n), i didn’t mean to do it. when i said that i still love you the last time we texted i meant it—”

“haji, i said listen!” you huffed as you grabbed his arm. the sudden name change was enough to shut him up and possibly cause a surging red tint to his ears. you found it adorable, but you had to cut him some slack since you hadn’t called him that since high school. “last night i was with akaashi and bokuto.”

iwaizumi was already making a face before you could even start. “why were you with them?”

“just hear me out okay?” you pleaded.

he saw the aggression in your eyes and immediately shut up, nodding for you to continue.

“while i was with them, satomi texted us about everything that happened. she said that you guys only made out and didn’t do anything beyond that.” you explain, watching the slight relief softening his expression, “she ended up just sleeping over instead that’s why she was in your bed.”

you didn’t expect him to say anything when you finished your thought. it was a lot to sudden comprehend as you two just stood there waiting, swallowed up in your own thoughts.

“don’t blame yourself, okay?” you attempted to break the silence, “what satomi did was wrong.”

iwaizumi’s wandering gaze flickered back to you, fist curling up into a tight ball until his knuckles turned marble white. but as quickly as he felt the aching of his nail digging into his palm did he let go and let his shoulders drop. he sighs while he ran his hand through his tangled hair. he didn’t know what to say and the silence was punishing.

you parted your lips slightly as the words tickled your tongue. “this, um, might be too much to ask and you don’t have to say yes, but we need your help with something.”

“who’s we?”

“bokuto, akaashi, kaori, and the rest of my team.” you answer truthfully, “we’re trying to get satomi to face the consequences.”

iwaizumi nods, not hesitating for a second. “alright, i’ll do it.”

well that was easier than you thought.

you held back an amused laugh, hiding your smile behind your hand as you pull away from him. you made your way back to your kitchen as you had forgotten about your cup of tea from earlier.

“but...” iwaizumi trailed behind you as you sipped from your mug. “i was the one who made a move on her first.”

“oh,” you say. you definitely didn’t know about that small detail that sent ivy-like jealousy through your veins, “i mean... you were drunk so it makes sense.” you tried to justify without making your envy too obvious.

you turned away from him, fearing that he could see right through you.

“i kissed her thinking it was you,” he states.

your eyes widen then, slapping your cheeks that heated by the second. there was a grip around your swiftly beating heart, aching within your ribcage as you attempted to calm the roaring serendipities that threatened to bloom prematurely.

a composed sigh leaves you as you pull yourself together, turning back around to face iwaizumi with a meek smile. “cool,” you mused awkwardly as your brain search rapidly for a way to change the subject. iwaizumi moved closer to you, sending you into a mild panic, “have you had breakfast yet?” you asked out of the blue.

but before you could even fathom what he was doing, he cups your face between his hands and pulls you in.

your heart flutters and stops when iwaizumi pressed his lips against yours, soft and delicate as if you were the most fragile thing within his grasp. and you were. his touch against your jaw was light as it trailed down your neck. he could feel the raging ichor that soared through your veins like a wildfire while your hand that was splayed against his broad chest could feel the thumping of his heart against your own palm.

you pull away from him as he says, “no, i haven’t.” but it wasn’t to let him answer, rather, it was the thought that iwaizumi came second place again.

fun facts! —

yes. y/n did kiss both bokuto and iwaizumi within a span of a couple hours 💀 queen shit fr

after iwaizumi left, y/n immediately facetimed kaori and akaashi and told them what happened

it was definitely awkward between bokuto and iwaizumi when they saw each other, but it was harder to avoid satomi

(also by saying “iwaizumi came second place” means who was able to kiss y/n first not who won her feelings over)

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