#anyways yeah he’s just…very tragic and it makes my heart hurt

[doctorsiren]

thinking about anime child miles 😭

[gateau-au-earl]

kuroshitsuji s4e1/ED thoughts

ok yall now that it has been over 24 hrs and I've seen the ep over three times, I have THOUGHTS. mostly very positive, everything was beautful to look at and the 1:1 comparisons between the manga and the anime made me very happy as a veteran kuro fan that had to live through the mess of s1 and s2 plots (even tho they might have a sentimental place in my heart just because of nostalgia).

but i wanted to come on here and yap about the ending theme and how it encapsulates sebastian and ciel's complicated and very interesting relationship. idk abt yall but im a big fan of the op and ed this season!

first things first just to get this outta the way, I dont interpret them as a ship so please dont come in here with that interpretation 👁️ I'm serious .

that being said -

the ending theme is beautiful in both its animation and what it says about the butler and earl's relationship. I'm just gonna get the gushing outta the way first but it was aesthetically GORGEOUS in its animation. the way ciel fell so gracefully and the colors with SID's music is cinematic perfection. the change in animation style is very easy on the eyes as well! gg cloverworks animation team!

this has been marinating for a while, but what really gets me is the scene where ciel falls. he is falling into darkness, when it suddenly becomes lighter, with the sun illuminating the clouds. sebastian "saves" him and they fall together across this very pretty backdrop.

the demon might've caught him, but that doesn't prompt him to rescue ciel, to stop him from falling to his death.

sebas instead gently takes ciel's hand to guide him there. he gives ciel a false sense of security, of trust, catching the boy when he's at his darkest place, but instead of saving him, he drags him to down to his hell. he is deceiving ciel with a beautiful view and promises in their contract that will ultimately hurt ciel. its cruel and will only lead to pain for our earl.

sebas is a demon (obviously) who is leading ciel to his doom, but the path they take is twisted and tragic but strangely beautiful like the gorgeous sky in the ED.

ciel enjoys the power and omnipotence he has with sebastian, knowing full well the demon is leading him to his demise. he knows that this relationship will end him being sebastian's dinner. ciel knows he can't trust sebas, but does anyways because sebas is the only person who can't hurt him until he inevitably does.

the fall might result in an ugly death, but the view is pretty nice on the way down. the beautiful sky colored with deception, manipulation and misplaced trust.

yeah, sebastian will end up hurting ciel the most at the end, but the boy doesn't care at the moment. sebas is the only ""person"" who knows him with all the ugliness of his past, yet still protects him, serves him, and doesn't treat him like a helpless creature. so ciel is forced to place trust in a fundamentally untrustworthy creature knowing he is inches away from the demons bared fangs.

sebastian helps him survive his living hell now and get what he needs to get done, so he doesn't care what happens after. his descent to darkness becomes much more beautiful as a result.

shippers may have one interpretation (which I'm NOT a fan of...), but this is how I see it, and I think it makes this ending all the more impactful and tragic. but here I am, and I'm enthralled by the beauty and can't look away.

anyways, thanks for reading my brain dump, and looking forward to ep 2 folks!!! hope yall liked my micro analysis/semi organized gushing, and r enjoying this kuro renaissance as much as I am! here's a professor michaelis for reading this far

[cosmicpearlz]

last christmas

summary: a small reminder of the last christmas season has you feeling way better this year.

pairing: percy hynes white x reader

day 5 of ficmas! (december 23rd, 2022)

…………………………………………………………………………….

-last year-

if someone had told you that you’d be spending christmas alone in a park, you would have laughed right in their face. but here your were sitting a bench in a park feeling miserable but your outcomes. you were supposed to spent christmas with your boyfriend of six months and his family but once arriving to the house, you found your boyfriend making out with another girl in one of the rooms. the same girl he had told you not to worry about.

to say you were hurt was such an understatement. it wasn’t even just the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you but the fact that his family knew and let you walk into the house without telling or warning you. too embarrassed to go to your family for christmas dinner, you just ran. feet taking you to where you were now.

“rough night?” a voice coming from behind you. you could also hear the shuffling of their shoes on the gravel to the swings.

“that’s one way to put it.”

the stranger sits next to you on one of the other swings and you take one good look at him. long brown hair, green eyes, pretty tall and long legs. you thought he was cute but you quickly shook your head of those thoughts.

“why are you out here alone,” he stares at you for a minute taking in how your eyes were slightly puffy and red before looking ahead at the trees that blew from the wind.

“why are you out here alone?” he chuckled and looked down at his shoes.

“ah a question with a question. technically i’m not alone if i’m sitting with you.” you sighed because he was right.

“i was supposed to spend christmas with my boyfriend well now ex-boyfriend and his family. then i caught him in the act of cheating on me,” your voice was wavering through each word.

you cleared your throat quickly to hide the hurt that was in your voice, “now you gotta tell me why you’re here.”

“first of all, he’s a dick. what kind of coward does that? and secondly, i just got a little overwhelmed at a christmas party my friends threw. i needed a second to be alone i guess.”

“yeah, what’s worse is his family knew he was cheating and made me look even stupider for showing up. but i feel you parties can be overwhelming.”

“my name’s percy.” you turned your head to the boy who was sticking his hand out for you to shake. you sent him a small smile and grasped his hand shaking firmly.

“y/n.”

who knew one person you met at your lowest would change your life for the better.

-

-this year-

“percy we are not getting that as a christmas decoration,” you pushed his hand away from your face with a laugh. he had shown you a ornament of a deer with a santa hat while on a stripper pole.

“babe, c’mon it’s funny!” he puts the ornament in the cart anyways as you guys still looked around the thrift store.

“you are a hot mess love.”

“oh stop it, you love me and i’m your hot mess,” he kisses temple making you grin up at the boy.

“yeah, two very true statements.” you patted his cheek and continued looking at all of trinkets.

“y/n?”

you and percy turned around in sync to find the source of who called your name. your eyes widened when seeing it was in fact your ex boyfriend. you hadn’t seen him all year and of course coming up on the year anniversary of the tragic betrayal, you see him.

like a sixth sense, percy was able to take one glance at you and know you were uncomfortable. meaning this was the dick that broke your heart.

“y/n, i haven’t seen you in forever. how are you?”

“fine.”

“not much of a talker, huh?”

“listen man, how about you leave us the hell alone,” percy steps in front of you like a protective shield.

“who exactly are you?” you knew where this conversation was going and frankly you didn’t wanna see the outcome.

“perc we should just go. it’s not worth it baby.” you tugged on his sleeve to get his attention. he looks down at you and nods. he moves to grab your waist and pulls you into him before walking away. you heard your ex huff and turn the other way. funny how he’s not the one that should be upset.

“you okay sunshine?”

“mhm, thanks for being there with me. i dunno what would’ve happened if you weren’t.”

“always gonna be here for you,” he says while leaning down to press a kiss to your lips.

-

the ride home was silent and percy wasn’t sure what to do. you’d never been this quiet before. he helped you place the bags of decorations in the house sighing to himself.

“sweetheart you gotta talk to me. i can’t help you if you don’t talk to me and it’s honestly killing me.”

“there’s nothing wrong.”

“baby, you were my best friend for months before you became my girlfriend. i think i would know when something’s wrong,”he grabs your hands waiting for you to feel comfortable to spill your thoughts.

“it’s just that seeing him was hard. being reminded of that awful time.”

percy picks your head up with one hand, still holding on your hand with his other hand. he cups your cheeks gently, “i know my love but it’s okay. you’re okay and he won’t bother you again.”

“i love you so much percy. what would i do without you.”

“be boring.” you hit his shoulder and playfully rolled your eyes. you began to walk away from him, “hey! you know it’s true.”

“yeah yeah yeah, leave me alone loser.”

[know-the-way]

The stages so far of me binging the entirety of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries (spoilers if you haven’t watched it before):

1. “Yeah, the 1920s hasn’t ever really been your preferred vibe, but so many of your friends like this show, and you love ‘Clue’ which seems similar, so just bite the bullet and go.”

2. “Wait, they’re Australian? What? Did I know this before and forgot?”

3. “Ohhhh right, Miranda Otto was in this! I did know that. And she’s a cocaine lord?! Nice. Don’t get to see her in many villain roles.”

4. *first scene with Phryne & Jack* “Oh, he has a very nice deep voice, okay I see I see mmmhm okay. … Why is so he so sulky, though? Big ‘who hurt you’ vibes. Intriiiiigue… “

5. “OH dEaR oh mY, there is banter and cheeky looks, this is bad, coDE RED, pretty sure this is your LAST chance to exit before this becomes a #problem.”

6. *does not exit* *becomes a #problem*

7. “Oh, so she’s gonna be banging lots of men with no emotional attachment (when there is clearly some tragic past hiding under the surface as to why that might be)? So an emotionally damaged woman who copes with her traumas by deflecting said emotions through sex and other various reckless behaviors? Babe… *cups face gently* babe, babe, babe. You’ve made this beyond a problem now. Because every little glimpse of vulnerability among your extremely out-of-hand savior complex is gonna make me fall in love with you more and more… just like the tall, broody inspector man over there (who still has a very nice voice and sad, kind eyes and who you seem to be afraid of being smitten with for ~*some reason*~). Anyway, Jack and I, we’re both fucked.”

8. Wdym they both have traumas from the war & from past relationships, that they both witnessed an unimaginable amount of loss, and that both are broken so deeply that they built fortresses of ice around their hearts to protect themselves AND YET BOTH OF THEM THAW JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE WITH THEIR EVERY INTERACTION? Fuck OFF! This is not FAIR!

9. “Miss Fisher was actually on her way home.” He said that with a fully clenched jaw and a step forward. Fuuuuccckk, there’s gonna be smoldering jealousy, too? Just slap me in the face, the amount of longing I’m about to witness… Jack, it’s okay buddy, we’re in this together. There’s something special about you and she’s gonna figure it out… after what appears to be several seasons and perhaps a feature film. But she’ll figure it out! Stay strong, soldier! I’m rooting for you!

10. “Oh God, her little sister was murdered. As someone who loves my own sister dearly, that’s fucking awful, this is hurting me deeply, and I really do not like it. 🥺 … AND THE MURDERER IS DUE TO BE RELEASED? AbSoLUTELY not! … WDYM THERE’S ALSO AN ABUSIVE EX?! And he’s come back to MURDER HER over a naked painting of her younger self like a fucking CREEP?!*”

(*not a correct summarization of what happened, but not not correct)

Anyway, I found the tragic past!

11. “Abusive ex is played by Peter O’Brien? With a ‘French’ accent? *snort* I mean, okay, it’s a choice. Anyway… what a douche… moving on… “

12. Aw, they kissed! *claps* And so soon! I mean, it was under horrible circumstances, but it happened… and with lingering looks to boot? You know what, I’ll take it. ‘Cause, I mean, look at them… and like let’s not talk about the juxtaposition of Phryne’s panic over seeing someone who once hurt her being redirected by a kiss from someone who would never hurt her… and Jack subsequently lunging for an armed René to stop him from taking Phryne… we’ll just ignore that for now

13. Felt the “I am not afraid of you” in my bones. Good shit.

14. “You kissed me. … You kissed me back!” Children, please. This is a Wendy’s.

This is as far as I’ve gotten, but omg what a fun ride so far. Friends who tried to recommend this to me for YEARS, I am SO sorry I slept on it. I understand now and your taste is impeccable. *muah*

[angeart]

fic recs

speaking of fanfic tropes, i was meaning to make a post about my absolutely favoritestest fics that live in my heart rent free.

in no particular order:

• you came at the brink of the end of the world

[AO3 link] - by anonymous

currently unfinished at 84k words and 21/? chapters

insane about this one. insane. it's beautifully written and scar calls grian trouble (best thing ever and nobody can convince me otherwise) and grian is a bundle of unknown magic and memory loss and trauma and it's just overall great. trust me.

this is from the official fic description:

[grian is falling from the sky, scar has more magic in his blood than he realized, and everyone else is so much better at seeing than they are]

tags include strangers to lovers, slow burn, hurt/comfort, memory alteration, pining, found family...

---

• and like an arrow, you broke me down.

[AO3 link] - by mochiwrites

currently unfinished at 81k words and 14/? chapters

traumatised sad birb grian gets thrown straight from the grief of 3rd life into the middle of last life. of course the first thing he does is get away from southlands (martyn???) and beelines for scar. there's confusion and emotional damage and man. it hits hard and it's wonderful and i absolutely love this one. also a beautifully written fic (yes i'll say this for all of these bECAUSE THEY ARE!)

tags include angst, hurt/comfort, PTSD, survivor guilt, protective scar/grian, touch-starved scar, and canon typical things like violence and referenced suicide

---

• closer to another shore

[AO3 link] - by remrose

currently finished at 56k words and 15/15 chapters

this one is sooo heartfelt and heartwrenching and sad and good and. it just makes you feel things. the way they delicately navigate around each other. the way it all goes up in flames anyway because they can't have it any other way. the way their steps keep bringing them inevitably back together.

scar and grian start as exes, with the circumstances of their break up murky and mysterious. and scar needs help, and grian offers himself.

there's a lot of pain and guilt and weakness (because how can they help but be weak towards each other?) it's wistful and tragic and hopeful. it's. it's something. (and did i mention it's beautifully written?) (it is) (just go read it really.)

(i'll also throw this bait at you. this bit. this: Grian was the absolute most infuriating man Scar knew. It was a shame he loved him to death.)

tags include soul bound, mating rituals, panic attacks and anxiety, hurt/comfort, chronic illness, insomnia, guilt, slow burn

---

• lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart)

[AO3 link] - by definitelynotshouting

currently unfinished at 51k words and 9/? chapters

this one. THIS ONE. gosh where do i even begin. there are some deep, raw, self destructive feelings here. grian is a watcher in the sense that he is a creature that feeds on emotions, and he's dangerous and starving, and things have gone so very wrong. he just doesn't want to hurt anyone ever again. he's going to do everything he can to take himself out of the picture just to prevent that. (yeah this one is HEAVY.)

the writing. the writing. it's so so so beautiful. i know i keep gushing about the same thing for all of these fics, but. there's something so intricate and pretty in the way the words are woven in this one. i'm absolutelly entraced by the language. it's so pretty.

this is the hunger au if any of you are familiar with that name.

like i said, this one is a whole different kind of heavy. tags include angst, hurt/comfort, suicide attempt, starvation, eating disorders, body horror, trauma, self-harm, injury... (the light at the end of the tunnel is the recovery tag mkay)

------

if you go read any of them, make sure to look over AO3 ratings and warnings and tags for cw/tw stuff!

[the-cookie-of-doom]

sooooo..... thoughts on Mike/Peem from He She It? 👀👀👀

So. Mike and Peem. First thing’s first: Mike is a terrible person. I don’t care. I’m 100% a Mike apologist, and to that end, Peem is not entirely innocent. He’s the one sleeping with the guy who’s already in a public relationship. Now, the responsibility for that lies solely with Mike!! Peem doesn’t owe Pear any loyalty. However, going after someone in a relationship is a sleazy thing to do. Though there is that interesting moral gray area of, “Yeah he’s cheating on his girlfriend, but only because he’s super repressed and closeted, so it doesn’t count if he’s exploring his sexuality,” which is usually used to make an otherwise shitty character more sympathetic. Your mileage may vary here. Cheating is cheating; if Mike was worried about anyone finding out, he could have broken up with Pear and just kept seeing Peem in secret. He had options. But personally, I do think it’s an interesting character motive; it’s messy! All of them are! The only person in this entire cast who isn’t a fucking disaster, is Pear herself. Girl did not deserve all of that. 

So, all of that aside, I love Mike and Peem’s mutually assured destruction thing they’ve got going on. Because Peem knows/believes Mike doesn’t love him, but loves Mike anyway, and Mike has to know they were always going to be caught eventually. There’s no way to hide the fact you’re sleeping with your best friend forever. And because he refused to just break up with Pear, there was always going to be incredible fallout from the eventual discovery.

The acting teacher at the beginning aid: “In the real world, we don’t know who is acting. Sometimes, in the world of performing, we don’t know who’s real. Sometimes we can’t tell them apart at all.” 

Combine the fact that when Mike pulled Peem into the pool the first time, he started to drown. Mike immediately jumped in to save him, and when pressed, Peem says he was just acting. Implied: trying to get attention. He’s hurt; he’s feeling rejected by Mike, then they had a heart to heart where Mike gives in to him a little, and Mike literally saved his life. Peem is feeling vulnerable. It’s easier to let Mike believe he just wanted attention in a superficial kind of way, than to face the deeper emotions he’s feeling in this scene. Probably because he knows Mike won’t be able to meet him halfway, but he knows Mike likes feeling wanted. He can handle Peem being sad and rejected—he can’t handle Peem’s heartbreak, or any implication that Peem is in this for more than easy sex. Which is likely what Mike is telling himself he wants; he’s in complete denial of both his sexuality and his feelings for Peem. 

So: we have already established that Peem told Mike he faked the drowning. What was a funny/cute moment between them becomes tragic when Mike pushes Peem into the pool again, remembers this incident, and decides to walk away rather than save Peem again. They’re in the middle of a heated fight, Mike feels like his world is ending, and he sees this as Peem’s attempt to keep him from leaving, which only pisses him off more. But he truly believes Peem can swim; this was an accident, not a murder. As horrible as Mike’s actions are, he’s a scared kid at heart; if he had any idea Peem was going to die that night, as angry as he was, I think he would have saved him. As much as he was denying his feelings, Peem was still his lover, and before that, his best friend. He wouldn’t have intentionally left him to die. That’s what makes it so tragic. Things didn’t have to happen this way, but a domino effect from the very beginning meant they were doomed to end up here.

I'm just. So !!! About these two. I've had a fic idea rolling in the back of my mind ever since I saw it with a Bad Ending where Mike drowns, wrapping the story up where it starts. Peem is there, and it's left ambiguous whether Mike drowns himself, or Peem does, or if it was just another tragic accident. But whatever happens, Peem is there. He forgives him. It's going to be okay. Mike has already lost everything, now they can finally be together, without anything or anyone else standing in between them.

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG 2009 SPECIAL THE WATERS OF MARS

It has been a moment since I've watched, but in my defense I have 7 different personal projects right now including learning the guitar and finally doing drivers Ed. And a cross stitch project and an embroidery project and a song I'm learning for open mic and my band solos and the book I'm reading. AnyWHO yeah I have a whole bunch of stuff happening Coolio. Let's watch.

STATIC

Aww is a baby

STATIC

Oh look Mars

Aww he has the spacesuit on

Lol I like this dude he's funny

And he's a killjoy

Lol no trespassing

THE DOCTOR. DOCTOR. FUN.

Aww cute gadget

Carrots

Oof he ate the carrot and now he's weird

Weird sounds

OH FUCK

MY HEAD IS SO STUPID that is a mood

Wait they all die? No that's sad?

TODAY

Awww nerd sad nerd

Ooh roaring

Oof now he's all entangled

Cute robot

Aww don't get all deep on her right now Doctor

That's poetic

Don't bicker y'all

Well they're still alive lol

Manipulative monster?

Oof there he is he's very soaked

Oof she's seizing?

Oh dear is her mouth weird now

SHES DRIPPING

oh do the Mars creatures want water cuz their planet dried up

That's scary as hell holy crap

Those are really obviously contact lenses in that shot

Oh wow they're trying to get in with water

They look so funny running like that

Wow

Poetic indeed

BUT BIKES I love him

Funny noises language

Ooh ice frozen creature virus

OooOOOOOoooooOo ActIoN PrOceDurE ONe

This is making me thirsty

He's a runner he's a trackstar

Ooh medical breach thats not good

He knows your death

Something wonderful

OOF? SHE WAS THERE?! OH POOR HER

It saw her

I love her she's wonderful

I fully agree doctor. Remarkable

AWW THATS SO CUTE HER GRANDAUGHTER THATS SO CUUUUTTTEEE AAAHHH

She made a difference? People remember her?! I want to be remembered!

THEY CAN LEAVE

Aww but history says they all die anyway why

Climbing ladder?

Controlled chaos indeed

He is conflicted

Boop boop boop boop boop

They're on the roof!!

Maybe they can

He is still conflicted and sad

Okay but there's 20 minutes left I bet he changes just mind and what fun that would bring

Awww sadness sadness I hate sadness

DOCTOR YOU NEED TO PROCESS TOUR GODAMN TRAUMA

IF YOU CRY I WILL CRY THATS NOT ALLOWED

Final option

Doomed by the narrative

That's a lot of water

HE HAS TO WALK AWAY AND LISTEN TO IT ALL

Awwww her peoples that's really sad I'm gonna cry

IM CRYING

HE HAS TO HEAR ALL OF IT WHILE HE WALKS AWAY AAAAAAHHHH ITS NOT FAIR AAAHHHH

OH NO I FORGOT ABOUT HER NOOO NOW THEY CANT LEAVE

EXPLOSION

I'm crying this is torturous and an amazing axample of being doomed by the narrative and by fate and everything and all

Oh shit he's doing the thing is this the thing I've seen oh fuck has he snapped

YOURE NOT IMMORTAL BECAUSE OF A PROPHECY ABOUT KNOCKING YOURE STUPID

DONT BREAK THE TIME LAWS

NO THE LAWS DONT OBEY ANYONE YOU FUCK I GET THAT YOURE A TRAUMATISED DUDE BUT YOU DONT WIN AGAINST TIME EVER EVER EVER EVER FUCK

This is getting philosophical, it's lucky I have Philosophy this semester

Doomed is doomed by dude

THE ICE IS BREAKING

His brain is incredibly broken, this is why you should process your trauma kids

EXPLOSION SHIT

7 minutes left apparently

They're alive?

Dude you know the rules, I'm glad she has sense

TIME LORD VICTORIOUS MY GUY NO

See this is what happens when your brain gets broken don't let it get this far kiddos

Fuck this is hurting my heart he's not supposed to be like this

GIRLIE JUST DIED ANYWAY SHES BRAVE I LOVE HER FUCK

YES MY DUDE YOUVE GONE TOO FAR DID YOU ONLY JUST REALISE IT

Hello Ood

HES SO TRAGIC HIS HURTS MY HEART

FUCK

Technically I could watch another but I want to watch the part 1 and part 2 for The End Of Time all at once. Cool. This will definitely not cause me horrible emotional pain and heartbreak, nosir.

[juniperhillpatient]

The Boiling Rock Part 1 Re-Watch

Ohhh this is SUCH a fun episode. So fucking fun. Ok, full disclosure this is another tipsy re-watch post, I won't lie, I'm drinking a margarita. Basically, this episode is about how Sokka & Zuko have a socially awkward dynamic with a mix of genuine care & a complex history, making for a funny & cute friendship & how Suki & Sokka have a strong romantic love & Zuko & Suki get along & work well together instantly & they should totally be a throuple right? No? Okay, well, this episode at the very least did say Zukki (Zukkai? Sukkako?) rights & I'm standing by that.

Anyway. Real talk. Sokka's determination to attempt to rescue his father even knowing that it may be a doomed mission is heartbreaking. He's done making plans that fail. He just misses his dad & hates leaving him behind after spending so much time separated from him. I love how Zuko dramatically waited up for Sokka. And I loved their awkward little conversation while they rode the war balloon. I've written before that it really hurts my heart that Zuko doesn't even consider Azula for a second when Sokka asks about people that Zuko left behind & yeah, I think about that every time I watch. Zuko "didn't want to get Mai involved" but didn't care at all about ratting out Azula. I didn't mention this in my DOBS re-watch post because I wanted to focus on Zuko's amazing moment of standing up to his father. And I seriously don't like it when people use Zuko's ignorance about Azula's position to bash Zuko. I'm not doing that. He is absolutely not being coldhearted or cruel, he just....doesn't understand the position Azula is in at ALL. I just think it's SAD. The fire siblings are so fucking tragic...

Anyway.

See - if I start talking about the fire siblings that's ALL I'll end up talking about lol - I have to talk about other stuff.

anyway. I really loved the scene between Sokka & Zuko when they're discussing the absence of Hakoda at the prison. Zuko is trying so hard to emulate Iroh, even though he doesn't really understand Iroh's proverbs at ALL, he knows his uncle loves him & that Iroh is very smart & he's TRYING so hard to be like that & I just...Ooh, I'm getting all emo. Anyway. "Take a bite out of the silver sandwich."

Sokka & Suki's reunion was SO good. I cracked up at Sokka trying to do a callback to their previous reunion & Suki flipping him on his back before the two actually got a cute reunion.

And then Sokka immediately had his bisexual awakening!

[id: Zuko breathing fire. end id]

I loved Sokka's very smart escape plan based on his engineering ingenuity.

But what I loved even more? What really just had me going insane?

THIS FUCKING SCENE ---

Sokka: [Standing.] Is that supposed to make me feel better? [Sokka moves away.]

Zuko: Even though you'll probably fail over and over and over again ...

Sokka: Seriously, not helping.

Zuko: [Grabs Sokka's shoulder.] You have to try every time. You can't quit because you're afraid you might fail.

Chit Sang: [Standing by the cooler boat.] Hey, if you two are done cuddling, can we get a move on?

Sokka: No. I'm staying. You guys go. [To Suki.] You've been here long enough.

Suki: I'm not leaving without you, Sokka.

Zuko: I'm staying, too.

[id: jenny slater "and I was like: *screams*" meme. end id]

HELLLOOOOOO

Ok, that's really all I have for now. Sokka, Zuko, & Suki each get +1000 iconic behavior points for this episode. That is all for now besties

[hayleysayshay]

Future Me killed Mako?! Gosh I'm glad I got bored of that video halfway in. Alot of the other stuff he suggests is good, but it doesn't feel like *Korra* anymore, yknow?

Yeah, look, I can talk about the legend of korra every day. It’s a flawed mess and I appreciate that Hello Future Me clearly loves the show. I think that he’s very good in handling the villain arcs and tying them into a tighter thematic story. But I agree, with his focus on plot I think he misses some heart, so then it starts to feel less like Korra.

But I don’t think he has much interest in Mako and Bolin and he just didn’t know what to really do with them. For me, The Legend of Korra would have been better with *more* Mako and Bolin, not less. In his Book 2 fix, we somehow have less Mako, Bolin and Asami friendship than we do than the show proper, so what friendship is there? At least Mako and Bolin regularly intersect with the plot in book 2. I think my de-emphasising Mako and Bolin and Asami’s interactions, I think he misses creating more heart for the show, even if I generally like the groundwork he lays out for Korrasami.

The thing with Mako is that I think Bryke created a tragic backstory that explains why he is the way he is in Book 1 and then didn’t explore it. HFM tones down the backstory but not making them street rats and having their mother killed by an equalist. This is more thematically linked to the plot, but once the equalist plot is done, Mako is still left in the exact same position as Book 1, without clear dirextion. Also during his Book 1 fix he says something along the lines of ‘Mako was angsty with no good reason’ when no, Mako has a lot of reasons to be jaded in the show. It’s a case of someone who’s emotionally stunted due to growing up too soon.

What I think is more interesting to emphasise with Mako is:

His slightly warped paternalistic nature. He raised Bolin far too young, is overprotective. He has this same attitude with Korra and Asami to an extent— he tries to fix Korra who blows up at him (unreasonably but there’s a reason it didn’t work), and Asami appreciated the protective element but to me it doesn’t read like love.

There is a ruthless element to Mako’s character that is never really explored and links back to the overprotective aspect. I’d like to see Mako’s darker tendencies explored.

All this is more interesting than tying Mako lore to the Book 1 conflict and then just having him be some guy who is there. Say what you want about the love triangle, it does reveal aspects to Mako and Korra that aren’t just related to villains. By removing that, you are actually missing character interactions. It should be easy to give Mako more character considering what we get in canon but somehow Hello Future Me gives Mako less. He really is just some guy in his fix, and there is no indication that he means something to Korra at all. He doesn’t even mention Mako’s death hurting Korra in anyway, because they don’t seem to share any emotional moments together, as friends or lovers. So in the end Hello Future Me doesn’t fix anything to do with Mako, he even makes them worse (beyond book 1).

He probably could have just had his fix of the Legend of Korra have Bolin and Mako gone from it, or removed after season 1. It would have not changed a thing really.

Anyway that’s my issues with Hello Future Me’s Legend of Korra videos. I do think they’re interesting but the thing is I’ve watched the legend of korra like five or six times since 2017 and I’ve thought of my own rewrites. So at this point whilst I liked his discussion of the show I think by gutting the emotional relationship drama, even if it was weak, and replacing it with nothing, he’s made the show less appealing, even if his plot makes more sense (though kicking Korra out of Republic City post Book 1 sucks).

[pearblossommina]

ToG Read-a-Long, Queen of Shadows, day 11

This set of chapters is pure action packed intensity, so, my notes are sparse because I was just reading (at least I took notes)

Ch 66

Happy Solstice, uh

The sentence Manon left in public - how is this news to you Aelin! Weren’t you paying attention? (it’s ok if you weren’t - sometimes I don’t pay attention either.) (But hell yeah! Thank you Manon)

(Now let’s go save him with the power of love)

Ch 67

Wow these chapters are so short - we’re just gonna get right into it, huh?

Hell yeah, you guys got this, nothing could possibly go wrong

Ch 68

It’s not your fault Chaol. Quit feeling so bad for yourself and let your heart fill up with feelings of hope and love.

Something’s about to haaaappen

Eeee

Edge of seat!

Ch 69

Big things, big big big things

Is the disguise not working part of the plan? I’m assuming so

Ch 70

Remember the time in Game of Thrones when Cersie blew up the whole city with that green wildfire substance

(I keep thinking about Game of Thrones, but this series is so Game of Thrones-y) (except less miserable)(and with hopefully an ending that doesn’t make me pissed off)

Ch 71 so, very much not going according to plan, then

Guys guys guys, c’mon

Think quick on your feet and find another way to ignite the stuff

And kill the king

And save the Dorian

And - yeah! I believe in you, I still believe!

Ch 72 OH Chaol c’mon buddy you got this

You got this, don’t say goodbye, say, “I’m a hero.”

Chaol you are the Sokka of the group, you might not have magic

But you don’t need any, you have something else, and that is determination

So stay determined, and fucking, take that guy down

Or

Do your best anyway?

Show that mother fucker what a willful human without magic can do. Don’t let him torture you, don’t lose hope now, you got this, you GOT THIS.

Ch 73

No you won’t, Dorian

There’s three whole books left

Ch 74

They did it! They freed magic

Good job everyone, now let’s all go hug and kiss

Ch 75

The power of love the power of love

Yay

Ch 76

YAY what a wonderful moment of triumph! Love conquers hate! The truest love of all is the love Dorian has for Chaol!

I am over here holding out the belief that Chaol isn’t dead, and, even if he is tragically hurt or wounded, I think this is gonna be one of those times that SJM undoes it with magic in a few pages. I mean MAGIC is FREE now, so, I think he stands a good chance of being alive, or at least being brought back from the brink of death. Maybe even if he is dead, he’ll get to come back from the dead, because of a surge of magic or whatever. I’m sorry that his “death” has no impact on me; but it happened off screen and I don’t believe it for a minute. And I’m not just in denial like I was about Nehemia! I think he’s gonna be just fine, like Cassian all those times he almost died. It will be undone, and he won’t even have any scars, and Dorian will feel joy again, and everyone will hug and kiss, and Rowan and Aelin will finally consummate, and I‘ll be so happy, I’ll be at PEACE.

[miyakuli]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks

Hello~ Oh I don't mind at all :) actually I've been tagged as well by @oo-mi-ru-oo to give 10 characters I love in different fandom so it's kinda similar, I can reply both in one post :3 I'm gonna on japanimation only because if I have to choose with manga/books/movies/tv characters, it'll be impossible for me haha >v<"

Hinata Hyuuga

I started Naruto when I was 10-11 years old and that was the period of time when I began to lack of confidence and I began to be pretty introverted. And well, I was relating so much to Hinata so I immediately got attached to her. Also I grew up with her in a way, and seeing her becoming more confident and strong, while still being very empathic and sweet, she became like a model to follow in my eyes. It's really one of the character who had the most impact for me so yeah, Hinata will always be Best Girl to me <3

Natsume Takashi

Natsume Yuujinchou is my favourite anime, especially because of this sweetheart. I’m very moved by empathic character (you’re gonna notice it with the charac I’ll pick lol). Natsume has such a sensitive and sweet personality, I loved him instantly tbh. Also, the fact that he is careful to not get too close because he fears to bother them or to get hurt...well, I totally understand that feeling ;;  And seeing him being more open little by little, and warming up to people, it makes me feel happy, so yeah, it’s a character that makes me feel good and warm inside =v= 

Makoto Tachibana

I think everyone following my blog is aware of my love for him xD What can I say more. Makoto is THE friend everyone would like to have ; he is a sweetheart, he is adorable, he is caring toward his family and friends and he is the best to comfort people. Simply, he makes people happy, putting the others before himself sometimes (#protecttheboy), and really you cannot see this guy and not feel the need to smile back at him <33 this boy needs to be loved as much he loves people, so here, TAKE MY ALL MY LOVE MAKOGOD <3

Tifa Lockhart

My beautiful, strong, confident, sensitive and caring girl <3 I think Tifa is an amazing female character. I love her personality so much and even though she can kick ass, she is still a pretty calm and sweet. She is confident but humble, strong but adorable, sensitive but sassy when it needs. I really love all those sides of her <3 also she is one of the reason that made me realize that I wasn’t that much straight XDDD

Fai D Flowright

He is the first character that made me turn into protective mode (;v;) He is such a tragic character, and despite all the pain and horror he went through, he is still such a lovely man who just wants to take care of his loved ones. He suffered so much but he has still love to give...even though he doesn’t love himself ;o; I swear I just wanted to jump in the manga each time to hug him and comfort him. Yes he is funny, and cool and beautiful, but that’s definitely his fragile side that made me appreciate him even more. 

Clear

I started playing Dmmd for the gay boys...I ended it by getting a son to protect. Clear is a kinda a mix of everything I fall for : empathic, sweet, strong and a bit unconfident. But also he is SO INNOCENT, SO PURE!!! he has this childish innocence that makes me melt all the time ;v; so when the angst came, I just cried for him. I don’t know how much tears I cried because of him, his story touched my heart so much and he deserves only happiness ;; also, he sings (yes this is a very good reason to love him too xD). Anyway, I love this angel so much <3

Tomoyo Daidouji

She wasn’t immediately one of my favorite girl. I appreciated her kindness, the fact she was always so caring toward her friends but also her fun side, like being a kind of groupie of Sakura xD it’s when I finished to read all the manga when I was older that I realized that she was such an amazing character. Without spoiling, she is definitely the type to sacrifice her own needs as long as the people she loves are happy. She’ll be happy either way, without any resentment or regrets. And I think that’s something to admire. Also...she can sing xDD

Mihashi Ren

My maternal side activated at the sight of this baby boy. I was older when I began Oofuri, so I was less shy, still pretty unconfident but I was hiding my anxiety inside all the time. But Mihashi was expressing his anxiety through his expressions and his acts. And when I saw him I was like “yep, it’s my inside-self personalized there”, that no one can’t really see. So obviously, I’ve been right away attached to this character since I was relating to his social struggles and his lack of confidence. But the most important fact is that Mihashi is always doing his best, and he tries to be better all the time, fighting against his anxiety and trying to believe the words of people who praise him. He is so inspiring to me ; more than just seeing myself in him at that time, he became a character that gave me the desire to control better my anxiety as well ;v; 

Levi Ackerman

Ok Levi is a bit different of all my previous crush characters ;) I’m gonna admit, I first liked him because he was such a too cool charac xDD loved his design, his sort of grumpy personality, his badass side too etc...but through the chapter, we all discovered a protective and sensitive side of him <3 I also love so much his honesty ; he assumes his beliefs and won’t hesitate to shake a bit people for their own good. He is also very smart and combined to his agility skills, he is such an amazing fighter, and he never hesitated to put his own life in danger to protect others. But he has a violent and controversial side due to all the trauma he went through, so that makes him even more complex. And that’s why I think he’s the best charac of snk, and also one of the charac I love the most~

My reason to love her is kinda close to Levi’s. She appeared at first as cold and determined but she is much more complex. Through the manga, it becomes clear that she is a broken person with depression and PTSD who find a reason to keep living when she fell in love with Roy. She is ready to do anything for him to fulfill his dream even though she will have to give up to a part of her humanity (but also femininity). She is such a selfless character and basically she is following her heart. And for a character that appears strict, it’s such an adorable and touching side of her. And this sweet side appears from time to time, when she adopts her lil doggy or when her fragility breaks through the shell in some situations. I will end with obvious point too like, she gorgeous and strong, so yep, an amazing lady indeed ;)

______

Voilà :) It was a bit hard to decide at the end (I wanted to put Aizawa from bnha as well ><), but I think I summed up well how I feel about those characters...hopefully//////

[scary-senpai]

What's the appeal of Garou/Genos? Why do you like this ship?

Oh bless you, anon--do you really want to know what's in my head?

[begin affectionately cheeky answer]

"I'm Genos, and this is my husband Saitama.

And this is our boyfriend, Garou.

And this is Garou's boyfriend, Mumen Rider.

And this is Garou's other boyfriend, Metal Bat.

And this is Fubuki--"

[[cue Fubuki winking seductively, possibly while holding a whip.]]

[/end affectionately cheeky answer]

...I’m being a tiny bit hyperbolic here although I have a special place in my heart for polyam pairings...but I guess you could say I’m a multi-shipper? Although honestly I’ve never been keen to use “shipping” as a verb (at least when it comes to myself)--it sounds a bit like trying to make a thing happen. And really, I’m not expecting anything--just out here playing in my own sandbox, admiring all the beautiful and different things to be made from the same material.

My initial (equally playful) reaction was “bold of you to assume I have any modicum of control over my hyperfixations”--but when it comes to “why ship these characters?,” I suspect the answer has something to do with spending the first half of my life as a feral wolf child and the second half in crippling over-speculation whilst smugly showing off my arms (well, my arm tattoos--same difference 😉) ....I feel for the Lone Wolf and the Brave Little Toaster, is all I’m saying.

Anyway, if I ship them, it is not because of Chapter 165...in fact I held off answering this question until I could confirm that the aforementioned characters made it out alive 😬. Recent events hardly bolstered my enthusiasm for this pairing, although it seems like my fics got more attention? Hard to tell at this point whether it’s just the fandom re-activating, or if there’s literally a correlation between character conflict and ship-ability. I will crunch the numbers at some point. For science!

Facetious answers aside, I think it all started when I watched the shack scene (I was anime only at first). I’ve had this pervasive (and entirely unsupported) headcanon that Garou and Genos are from the same village (which would explain why Garou’s parents are conspicuously absent).

Specifically, my Overly Sad & Entirely Unsupported Headcanon is that Genos is this kid, the one Garou initially saved from the bullies:

So, essentially my brain saw this incredibly tragic and heart-wrenching scene—two characters that are essentially kids, both fixated on justice, each grappling with their own anger and grief, struggling to maintain their purity of heart in a violent and unforgiving crapshoot universe—they have so much in common, so much they could learn from each other, and here they are, literally at each other’s throats.

… and that’s when a little voice in my head went: “this scene is great, but do you know what would make it better? Sad. This scene needs more sad.”

And, yeah, I’ve always felt that’s the problem with choosing sides—essentially, you’ll end up fighting friends and neighbors. Sometimes it’s not that the guy you’re fighting isn’t actually the same guy that saved you, or will save you—it’s that he could be.

…anyway, I have but one superpower, and it is angst (usually existential angst). gomenasai ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, the other thing about my headcanons is that they are very contrarian. Basically, on one shoulder I have a little angel/devil thing crying “more angst!” and a second little angel/devil thing yelling, “well, actually!...what if it’s opposite of what we all expect!” (which would explain my headcanons about Garou’s parents as well-intentioned people trying very hard, but never in a way that Garou experiences as help).

Interestingly, I love Unintentional Sad but I sometimes get squicked when characters are deliberately hurtful to each other. When people write incorrect quotes / fics / etc, they usually have Garou and Genos bickering and being mean to each other, and it just kinda brings me down a bit--I think it would, even if I didn’t ship them. I read to escape that stuff, you know? My personal humor-writing mantra is, “it is not comedy to be mean, that is called being lonesome and frustrated,” but YMMV. In any case, my brain is edge-ily rebelling with niceness. I can’t complain.

And if Genos did manage to pull off sarcasm, I feel like Garou’s immediate response would be “OMG BABY’S FIRST VERBAL IRONY???” and those would be his last words before promptly getting cremated. Worth it.

But to be insufferably (and kindly) contrarian, I like to imagine Genos and Garou arguing constantly in a way that makes everyone around them uncomfortable, but not because of their vitriol--everyone else becomes uncomfortable because Garou and Genos are far and away the smartest people in the room, and yet distressingly petty: is it ethical to win Monopoly by inciting a housing shortage, or does that cause undo hardship towards Meeples? Can you actually mispronounce words, or are the rules of language merely illusory? How come I can only tell Knock-Knocks from inside the house--doesn’t that negate the entire premise?

...turns out that I have a second superpower, and it is witty banter. XD

In any case, though, whenever I write/headcanon Garou x Genos, Saitama is always there--the first fic I published in this fandom was Garou x Genos, but very quickly I found my favorite interactions between Garou and Saitama were my favorite ones to write. I’ve basically given them my ideal relationship, which is all of the shenanigans and none of the sex, but also a very deep bond that causes all the benevolent trolling to blossom into accidental character growth.

Also, I feel like if you put the three of them together, the most rational person in your household automatically becomes Garou, and that’s...something. One of my favorite bits of dialogue to write features all three of them arguing about Thank-You cards that Tareo made, which Tareo has decorated with glitter and dried macaroni. Should you actually cook that pasta? The vote is split 2-to-1, and you can probably guess how that shakes out. Garou will gladly eat monster corpses but draws the line at macaroni art. Anyway, this is the reason why my “brotp and sometimes ot3″ hashtag exists.

But seriously, anon, thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this. I excitedly drafted many, many responses but found it was difficult for me to answer without info-dumping. Aside from my incorrigible and irrational headcanon, I have some thoughts on why their dynamics appeal to me, which I initially posted on my main blog back in 2020:

Genos, immune to sarcasm, interprets all of Garou’s snarky comments as sincere statements (which is what Garou wanted all along). Garou makes a lot of backhanded sardonic comments instead of admitting his actual needs & feelings, because he assumes he’ll be rejected. So imagine how Garou would feel if someone picked up on all his subtext, especially if it is someone as devoted as Genos?

Implacably Impish Garou is intrigued by Overly Stoic Cyborg. Garou thinks to himself "This guy never smiles? Challenge accepted!“ Imagine an exasperated Garou mercilessly tickling Genos, all the while yelling "Laugh, dammit, I’m fucking hilarious!” …This turned into a “Five Times Genos Didn’t Smile, and One Time He Did” fic that is currently a Work-in-Progress.

Genos is willing to stand by others, even when they are unpopular. Think of that touching moment between Saitama and Genos after Sea King battle. Or all the hate mail that Saitama receives after saving City Z from a meteor. I like to think that, while Genos often interprets the world in binary terms, he has demonstrated an understanding of how fickle public opinion can be and how nuanced/complex the business of justice is. Also, when Genos sees the good in someone he really latches onto it - Genos’ unwavering faith in Saitama inspires Saitama to act more nobly. Genos has an endearingly imperfect purity of heart, similar to Garou.

Seriously, though, so much adorable teasing. (Ex: A fluffy Wanpanmas drabble wherein Garou chastises Genos for his choice of Christmas decorations)

I also touched on this in a different fic-specific ask, but I think they have some interesting character parallels when it comes to more serious things:

I’ve always perceived Garou and Genos as characters that aren’t going towards strength as much as they’re running away from perceived weakness, and abandoning their human bodies has become an integral part of that journey for them. And that’s the response you’d expect, given the things that they’ve witnessed even from a young age.

Anyway, the full text of that ask can be found here, if you’re curious--specifically, it goes into the both of them coping with trauma/grief, and how those feelings manifest for these characters. But I am also mindful that you did not specifically ask about my writing, and WIPs a topic on which I can easily ramble for days.

In summary, I know this pairing isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, and I’m fine with that. When it comes to my writing, the feedback I get is usually “I’m not into Garou x Genos but I like how you write them” or “your plot is interesting enough that I’m willing to give this fic a shot”--which...feels like a huge compliment, actually! If we go back to the “playing in sandboxes” metaphor I used earlier, I feel like I’m mostly working alone but occasionally some very nice Batarou/Saigenos people will stop by, give me a juice box, and then ask me, with utmost sincerity, “are ya havin’ fun, kid?” And, yes! I’m having so much fun. The only thing I have to work on is de-coupling my love of creating things with my need for feedback, and practicing non-attachment has been part of my personal learning journey lately, anyway.

I will admit, haha, that I was a little nervous about answering this question. It came in the same day I posted about crying over Saigenos--not out of jealousy, it’s just a really beautiful ship, and it’s had an influx of some heart-wrenchingly beautiful meta. It also came a few days after I had mentioned being salty about Batarou--actually, not about the pairing specifically (because that’s probably what I read the most), but because I had done some drabbles for Wanpanmas and I wrote 100 words of Gearou and 100 words of Batarou--and I felt like they were equally well-written, but the engagement was much higher for the Batarou fic. I hadn’t been in the fandom space for awhile, and I had just...forgotten how fandoms work. In my day, we didn’t really have the concept of a “comfort ship” (or the ability to filter fics by pairing/character/etc, for that matter), but now that I do know, I think that the idea of a comfort ship is a really beautiful thing, even if your ship is not my ship. It’s really cool that fictional characters can build IRL communities. The Internet is a magical place sometimes, when it is not terrible .

Thank you again for this ask, anon! I was so, so excited to ramble on about this, and seriously, just thinking that someone was interested in my answer made me smile for days and days. Stay safe and be will, Cherished Internet Stranger!

[incensuous]

well, since you wanted more: innocent is basically about a family of executioners before and through the french revolution, but primarily the eldest son and youngest daughter, who are both the black sheep of the family. charles hates his job but is ofc forced to do it, while marie is the only one who actually wants the job, but on account of being a woman in the 18th century.... well. they eventually become friends as charles teaches marie in secret, but they end up falling out for reasons, several years later they become allies again, then enemies, then allies, etc., many times cause he needs marie's expertise specifically. even when they're ostensibly not on good terms, marie still shows up to help him through a very difficult execution by uh Interesting and kinda saucy means (it's basically bdsm. like there's no reading between the lines there). +bonus charles being the only one willing to take marie's advice on another execution, saving her from torture by their grandomther whom almost no one goes up against ever, giving her his jacket and telling her he'll always be her ally (though that one hurts). honestly it's kinda hard to sell their realtionship cause charles ends up becoming his father for much of the manga, which doesn't stop him from caring for marie, though not in a good or healthy way that would actually facilitate them having a single lasting relationship with each other. which is kinda also what i'm here for, so i win anyway! sorry for the rant, they're just uh complicated. quite. especially marie

oh and also, innocent!anon again, but there's one scene where charles is teaching marie and she thanks him in slightly clumsy latin, which is such a genuinely sweet scene in a relentlessy depressing manga. and also the first time he finds out she's been hiding out in the shed dissecting birds, it's framed almost like those pre-romance scenes in media where someone is walked in upon while chaning, especially since she actually does drop some clothes cause of the blood innocent anon AGAIN sorry: i don't think i did a concise enough job of conveying their Thing, but basically charles does a lot of shit to keep marie in the family and by his side, and when that proves too difficult he wants her dead. at least that's one read of it oh yeah, and charles says and i quote: "marie, a world with you gone is like a dark world where no light reaches…" sorry i've been rereading and i'm just fidning all these gems again

hi Innocent!nonnie!!! omg that sounds amazing!! i wish i could read it myself to get the full picture but i'll be honest and probably won't get around to it

this all sounds extremely interesting and complicated... so ultimately charles wants to kill marie in the end, after all their ups and downs? how tragic, it makes all their moments so angsty and bittersweet. that line where he says the world without her is without light?!?!?! T_T MY HEART.

[goodmorrowing]

Ttpd review?

NEW FAVORITE. may i present to you: meg's official ttpd ranking!

the tortured poets department. 138439343843/10 this song SPOKE TO ME. the bridge??!?!!?!?! as a habitual ring wearer it changed my life. this is like. life changing for me. i've listened 200+ times already. if i were still in college i'd write an essay about it. tbh i might still. i'm not even kidding. + lucy dacus mention!

the black dog. 10000000/10. the structure of this song is so pleasing to me and also the lyrics KILL ME. "i just don't understand how you don't miss me in the shower / and remember how my rain-soaked body was shaking / do you hate me?" ????!!! "I HOPE IT'S SHITTY IN THE BLACK DOG."

guilty as sin. 10/10 self explanatory. this is a BANGER and also? like? i love it i can't i vibe undeniably.

i can do it with a broken heart. 10/10. lyrics are tragic. beat is immaculate. feels like exactly how i have felt for the last few months! i feel very heard and seen! and am thankful i can bop to my depression! lights! camera! bitch! smile!!!

the alchemy. 10/10. i love a good trav song. and it's so catchy??? like yes please when i touch down call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team. the football references are peak. tbh i realllyyyy wanted the alchemy to be about joe (because of gold rush ofc) but i wasn't disappointed by this at alllll.

the smallest man who ever lived. 9.5/10. makes me cry! actually reminds me of my college ex... the parallels between this song and our relationship are kind of insane. also the bridge. without being too too personal, i was constantly paranoid in that relationship for several reasons and often felt like he maybe had an ulterior motive that involved ruining my reputation/hurting me for the pleasure of people who disliked me. which is kinda crazy but was a vvv real fear for me at the time. and this song gets it!

who's afraid of little old me? 9/10. high school meg would have loved this one. "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" lol. also sidenote having all my teeth pulled was a recurring childhood nightmare i had!

down bad. 9/10 yeah sounds about right. fuck it if i can't have [her]! (funnily enough She & I were discussing it when it came out and she was like "fuck it if i can't have you... i mean him" and we had The Smirk Moment)

so long, london. 9/10. perfectly describes everything i've been feeling recently (so long [boston] lmao). gets a point knocked because i can't listen unless i want to cry! this song was everything i couldn't say. :) + the peace parallels? crazy.

thanK you aIMee. 9/10. this one gets a 9/10 just for the sheer pettiness. FUC(K) YOU A(IM)EE. + andrea mention!

how did it end? 8.5/10. i sob. every time. without fail. just! the death! the dying! (it did not end well.)

the bolter. 8/10. another little meg song. she did a lotta running. this song is about idina sackville but i feel it in my SOUL. all her fucking lives flashed before her eyessssssssssssssssssssss!

but daddy i love him. 8.5/10. lowkey SO FUN and i love it! there is a field not far from me with lots of flowers and i take a bunch of zyrtec and put on a pretty dress and just go sit there for a few hours on weekends. i love it.

loml. 8/10. this song makes me sob. love of my life to loss of my life. lmao this album came at the PERFECT TIME. i needed it. "you shit talked me under the table talking rings and talking cradles i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all" !!!! "WHEN YOUR IMPRESSIONIST PAINTINGS OF HEAVEN TURNED OUT TO BE FAKES WELL YOU TOOK ME TO HELL TOO". anyways.

the manuscript. 8/10. yeah this sounds like a little meg song. and also a college meg song (who struggled through being a writer and heartbroken and lovestruck). and a current meg song (who rereads her manuscripts and wonders whose life she is seeing). "he said if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon they'd be pushing strollers". :') rip.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys. 8/10. it's a bop! i get it!

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus. 8/10. when i listen to this one i kinda just sit there and zone out for a while. it's a moment. i can't listen while driving because i'd crash. but i feel this song on a spiritual level.

fresh out the slammer. 8/10. hehehe i like this song. i don't have a whole lot to say about it except i really like how consistent it is and also how it is Moving On.

robin. 8/10. this song is so sweet and so sad. i'd sing this to my children. i wish i'd heard this when i was a child. it heals some part of me? tbh?

imgonnagetyouback. 7.5/10. this is indeed the kind of psycho we love. imnotgonnagetyouback but it's okay! i will still listen and vibe! #supportingwomen

so high school. 7.5/10. look okay it's silly and it gets shitted on but i like it. it's adolescent and fun and hahahah i like itttt. truth??? dare?????? spin bottles?????? YOU KNOW HOW TO BALL I KNOW ARISTOTLE!!!! brand new! full throttle! TOUCH ME WHILE YOUR BROS PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO. taylor is CRAZY for that and i love it for her. also the scouts honor line is WILD.

cassandra. 7.5/10. i love this song. i understand what they mean. poor cassandra. this is mad woman's older sister. i get it. women! women women!

the albatross. 7/10. i like this song but the albatross metaphor is one i am Too Familiar With. "cross your thoughtless heart / only liquor anoints you" is kinda genius though!

florida!!! 7/10. maybe this is just my florida hatred showing through or maybe i'm just not super into it yet. it comes above fortnight because of florence welch though. <3

fortnight. 7/10. i found it? kind of mid? still good but the lack of post malone and inherent appeal to mainstream pop media sold it for me. :( music video was immaculate though!

i can fix him (no really i can). 7/10. again, reminds me of little meg but in kind of a painful way. also.... she could not fix him lol. she could not fix any of them for that matter.

peter. 7/10. this one is kinda bittersweet. i enjoy this song but it's got that blue tinge to it. "never to keep"

i look in people's windows. 7/10. more supporting of women! taylor.... you're crazy. i love you. you are kind of a deranged weirdo, but it's okay. personally you could not pay me to admit to stalking people but i love that you do!

i hate it here. 6.5/10. ngl the beginning slaps and i like some of the lines but the song is erratic? i did not grow up precocious (i don't think) but i was hyperlexic and did read a lot. this one just didn't hit like i thought it would as a chronic reader. :(

clara bow. 6/10. i love clara bow and stevie nicks and taylor swift and i understand the importance of this song! i just can't get into it right now :(

the prophecy. 6/10. i don't know why i can't get behind this one! i want to so badly! i just can't!!!!

overall: 1029302848/10. this album was life changing and arrived just when i needed it. i love it.

[lyasthoughts]

Why do I feel like this . Noone cares about me not even my boyfriend noone check up on me no more noone is even trying to understand me all of them have someone already to replace me , am I that useless ?? do I really deserve this. I don't even think I want to be alive anymore I want to kill myself so bad or maybe jump off from a high hill or maybe I could just kill myself in the most tragic ways by slowly starving myself and making myself suffer slowly... I don't really want to live anymore I don't think noone even needs me no more fuck I miss the old me why do I have such a negative thoughts I feel like killing myself right now at this time this exact time man I can't even think straight I keep losing myself in my own mind while having so many words in it it's slowly making me insane I wish someone notice but I don't want them to notice I just want to hug someone so bad I hate having a heavy heart and the urge to cry every single day it's not making me feel sane and I hate getting mixed feelings by him . Am I getting love bombed?? Is he losing interest in me did he find another girl that's better than me ? I guess I deserves it . I'm weird and crazy anyways that's what he said lol. I'm mentally unstable emotionally and physically I can't even do a full attendance to school it's js keep getting worse fuck I hate myself I just want to run away and kill myself so people would finally care for me but I don't even think people is going to give a fuck if I'm gone anyways. I feel left out and I feel like I'm in a one sided relationship I tried so hard to be loyal for him and I tried so hard to ignore every guys who tried to confess to me I always cut them first before they confess to me so he won't get jealous but I don't know man. I think he don't like me anymore. I think he found someone else better and probably more prettier than me. I deserve it. Yeah noone give a fuck I think I'm going to relapse again tonight. I've been faking my smile , my laugh and giggles because I really don't feel anything anymore I can't even do it anymore all I do is just zone out randomly and start thinking and then tears coming out of my eyes I just , I really can't I swear everytime I see a sharp things or something that could kill me I feel like doing it I feel like killing myself I hate not saying anything but If I did noone cares anyways. If I die would anyone even care would anyone know it would anyone notice that I've been distancing myself from them ? Would the care I don't think so. Im better when I'm gone from the earth. I feel so miserable right now and noone knows , noone notice because I hid it so damn well that it's not even showing at all . My brain is slowly disappearing because of the thoughts that's eating it it's killing my brain , my mind. I wanna stab myself in the eyes and shoot my head and stab my heart so bad. I deserve nothing i. My whole body hurts especially my heart , it feels like it js got stabbed by a knife 57 times. Why am I even alive what is the purpose of me being alive ? Everyone could just replace me so easily it's not surprising I'm tired of being quiet but this is all I could say to my own self comforting myself with sadness. My room is very messy u can't even see the floor , I've been losing so much motivation that I don't even think that I could keep it up anymore , I feel like I can't move at all I feel the emptiness. I just can't . Do it anymore. I want to fucking kill myself.

[d-lissa]

Liveblogging TMA - Season 3 - MAG 81-85

"There is so much more horror in this world than I had ever dreamt possible."

A GUEST FOR MR.SPIDER :

Oh my God, it's a Jonathan backstory statement.

~~~~~~~~~~

... Oh my God, I'm him.

This is an uncomfortable thing to discover about one self. I love him to death, really, but I don't want to relate to him, it'll make things feel so much worse when he inevitably suffer.

The self loathing on this man, thinking that he was somehow at fault for the situation, that he probably deserved it more than some others who have suffered from oddities, I just.

Sure, just break my heart, why don't you !

Still, this statement explains so much about him. Just his. Everything. Can't believe he's barely 30, if not younger.

And the Spider always had the hots for him, apparently ? At least, it seems like it want to eat him. Good on him to avoid that fate. I don't regret that table anymore, I hope the freak felt it.

It did send the table with The Stranger in it, right ? Or was it another concept that is aligned with it ? To spy on the Archives and The Archivist.

Here's to hoping the Beholding can actually protect him. Oddities have been going on and on about how he's protected because he is the Archivist, but just how much protection are we talking about here ? And how long will it protect him outside of the Institute ?

I am worried for him, and his mental faith, and just the absolute pain and exhaustion and regret felt in every words broke my heart. I don't think I can recover from this.

Anyway, Jon is ... Relatively safe. For now. Crashing at his ex's house, I think ? Who seems to be his only friend in times like these. It hurts to realize.

Strongest season opener so far, and I can already feel that this season is going to give me all of the mystery and character work that I have been demanding for two seasons now, and I am very satisfied about that.

THE EYEWITNESSES :

"Yeah, don’t take a job here."

Can't say I disagree with Tim on this one.

Daisy is on the case, and she's trying very hard to pin everything on Jon. I don't quite get why, especially considering that it was confirmed she didn't try to actually investigate and just jumped on "Jon must be the culprit for everything going wrong" train that Tim seems to have jumped on last season, a clearly very comfortable place for him that he has no intention of leaving.

Was it because of how much she told him during her own statement ? But then, why did she say all of that if she didn't intend to ?

Martin is adorable and kind of definitely has a very big crush on Jon, which is just tragic. Martin, sweetheart, why do this to yourself ? Still, I am glad that Jon still has someone in his corner that is willing to protect him against bad mouthers and wrongful accusations while not having a hidden agenda.

And speaking of the man, Elias is back more evil than ever and I have to say that it is a good look on him. What can I say, I am a whore for charismatic mastermind villains. Especially when it is revealed that the guy just faked his incompetence to make all of this happen for his own entertainment. Don't get me wrong, I very dearly hope he chokes and die, but that won't stop me simping.

Since I'm talking simping, the drive behind this episode, Daisy and her not statement that was definitely fucked up. She is such a cop, and I mean that with the biggest disgust that I can muster, even if in the end she ended up doing the world a favour. I just really dislike people in positions of power taking the moral high ground while abusing of it. I still think she's hot, but also I am going to need her to take a chill pill and lay off my boy's back, you know ?

The Beholding has decided that until his favourite Archivist comes back, it will record everything for him, and ain't that adorable, she says while trying to ignore the deeply fucked up situation and implications of it all. We've been knew since the trailer, but yeah.

I mean, if that's really The Eye doing this.

DRAWING A BLANK :

"I’m guessing someone dragged you into something weird, you got hooked in and then it all went wrong."

It's not drugs, he says, as he rushes to make a statement like an addict about to get his fix.

Should I be concerned about this ?

I feel like I should be concerned about this.

Creepy circuses, moving mannequins, Breekon and Hope and skinning people, I see we're back to where we left off since the last "Circus of the Other" update, all probably a part of The Stranger. How cheery.

Jon of course made most of the connections, because he is a stealing stealer that steals my job, so let's rather focus on Jon.

Most importantly, on who he is now that he isn't, at least temporarily, The Archivist. God, I am worried about him, mostly because of all the things that are probably after him right now, but also because I do not think that he's in a ... Good place, mentally speaking.

And Elias is definitely not helping, giving him more statements. Why ? What for ? Why is Elias Bouchard so invested in Jonathan Sims ? He killed the last one, right, so why not get rid of John and find a new Archivist ?

That is, assuming he is the one giving the statements. If it isn't him, then there's only The Beholding itself that would do it, and I don't think it does anything, rather than just observe, so I will have to cast my doubts onto this one.

POSSESSIVE :

"To anyone listening, sorry about the change of tone."

Aw, Martin is reading a statement ! And quite well, at that, if a little freaked out. I am curious as to how Tim would read one too. Or.

How Sasha would've.

I am not interested that much into the concept behind this one, I can only think of The Stranger or the one with lots of insects and diseases.

I loved to learn that anyone reading a statement will make it as life like as possible, though it is good to know that taking the Statements is something that Martin can't quite do like Jon can.

What does take my attention is Melanie getting a job as an assistant. Somehow, I am feeling like Elias is just setting her up for her death. Why is he so adamant on making Jonathan and everyone around him suffer, damn it ?

UPON THE STAIRS :

"As I was going up the stair, I was a man who wasn’t there. I wasn’t there again today. Oh, how I wish I’d go away."

AND THAT IS ANOTHER MAGNIFICENT REPRESENTATION BY ONE JONATHAN SIMS !

Urgh. Loved the statements made by other archives workers, but none hit as much as Jon's delivery, except the ones made from the people that actually lived it, you know ?

Chills. Litteral chills. Those were also made by the story itself, but like, Jon's voice ? His delivery ? As usual, a gift in and of itself. I think he'd make reading a grocery shopping list enthralling to listen to.

Sorcery, I tell you.

I am more and more confused by The Distortion, but I guess that that is what makes it work, it's literally its job to confuse people.

In other news, Georgie has a date, of which somehow, I am kind of worried for her safety, and Jonathan is maybe probably going to transform into an eldritch being all seeing eye ? Which is. Erm. Worrying.

The quote of the post will be :

"But I couldn’t, because I just wasn’t there."

End Liveblogging.