komystda · 10 months ago
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More vampire!alex x jay please 🥺
ask and you shall receive, my dear anon 👏🐟 im glad you enjoyed the first ones! sorry that these took a little while, i wanted to give you more than one drawing so i hope it was worth the wait
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handinlovablehand · 2 years ago
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Here are some thoughts/reflection/process things re: the Tallahassee comic. Since this is my art blog, I figured this was the best spot to put it! Lots of images and pretty long, so I've thrown it below a cut.
This is the first time I've seriously worked with Microns and a lot of 'em since... oh, lord, 2020. I'm pretty sure I've done some other stuff along those lines, but here are examples and an emulation of the style digitally:
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(Respectively, May 2020, March 2020, and September 2020. Apologies for quality on the first two; I had to rely on old photos.)
Compare with this spread from the comic:
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I'm still not super comfortable with backgrounds (or cars; all the shots at the beginning are framed VERY carefully so that I do not have to draw one), but you can see that they've gotten a lot better. The sparseness of the floor was intentional - I wanted to create the effect of an infinite-looking space, with the ceiling fan to provide depth. There's a bit more depth and weightiness than in that drawing of Karkat or the seagulls.
That's partially because the house is as much of a character in Tallahassee as its narrators. Aside from the space in the liner notes devoted to describing their environment, there's also quite a bit in the album itself. There isn't much physically happening in the notes, either, so I had to rely on shots of the house in order to fill panel space. Three cheers for symbolism and vivid imagery!
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To pull up another page, I've also gotten A LOT better with natural environments in particular. I'm quite proud of that rose bush and the fence, although I could've taken a little more care while filling it in and the lighting leaves something to be desired.
Speaking of, my attempts at lighting are quite a bit more solid, but still not perfect. Consistency isn't great, and I have some qualms about the Alphas' hair and the shadow cast by the Alpha Male sitting up, but what can ya do? At least I'm drawing shadows being cast by things, haha.
I think the attic, the window shots, and "knocked down" panels look the best light-wise. I was trying to convey bright moonlight, and I think I did a pretty good job! I adore the curtains. A solid runner-up is the open door; I wanted to use it as a reverse light source, of sorts. In retrospect, I could have spaced the door shots out a bit more to make it feel more ominous.
Craft-wise, there's also a lot of improvement. Normally, I'd do a longform, easy-to-fuck-up project like Tallahassee digitally. However, I forgot my drawing tablet stylus in a very stupid place that I won't return to for a few months. So, I've been going back to pen and paper again.
I felt very confident right out of the gate, which is very strange considering it was the first time I'd used many of those pens for art in a hot minute! I actually did another casual-ish piece with Microns and gel pens in my sketchbook a few weeks before this, shown below:
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but while I was VERY excited about my use of color, I wasn't super fond of the ink work. That's because I fucked up before I even started.
My sketchbook is, er, a sketchbook. The pages are pretty rough. I learned while working on the comic that technical pens are meant for use on smooth paper, and will often appear spotty/inconsistent on the rougher stuff. You can REALLY see it on the frame around the magpie. I switched to standard-issue copier paper in the comic, which plays much nicer with them. Sketch paper also frays brush pens. Oops! Guess that explains what happened to one of those poor, poor souls...
I got my first set of Microns in 2017-ish. I was really only interested in the fixed-width pens; I'd tried a brush pen earlier on and HATED. IT. With a burning passion. My hands have always been pretty unsteady, but it was worse when I was younger, so my lines looked godawful. The set came with a brush pen, though, and I made many valiant attempts to use it. In my sketchbook. Which inevitably frayed it terribly and rendered it unusable for most purposes.
I used the set quite a bit, but infrequently enough that I've still got most of them! My 005 is going strong, but the 05 is lost, and the 1 and 03 are not long for this world. I've known the 03 is on death's door for a while now, but the 1 just started giving out on me while working on Tallahassee. I tried to replace both, but instead ended up with a 2. It worked out, though; I used it to fill in large, dark spaces. I really should've been using an alcohol marker, hence the streakiness.
Back to the brush pen, I ended up getting another set in 2019 that was all brushes, but this time with colors! "It will be different now," I told myself. "I'm a better artist. I'm stronger, and I do colored lines digitally. So I will use a brush pen, and I will like it." I did not use those brush pens and I hated them. But I did end up with a mercifully unspoiled black brush pen thanks to those, and also a red.
All three of the brushes I've named make an appearance here. I used the frayed pen to texture the grass and the Spanish moss; it ended up perfect for soft, fluffy things. I used the healthy and whole one for the tree branches and the Alphas on the "knocked down" page to lend them a more organic feel. The red makes its appearance on the last page.
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It's the staircase on the left. I drew the lines with the red brush, then VERY, VERY, VERY carefully colored around them with the black. The red lettering was done by writing it out in pencil, writing over them in red gel pen, then VERY, VERY, VERY carefully tracing around them with a black pen and filling things in. Do not do that. It is stupidly time-consuming. If I pull a similar trick next time, I'm just going to write with my white gel pen and then go over it again with my red brush.
For the sake of my sanity and yours, I will not discuss that process in any more depth. I will also abstain from telling you about the hellish nightmare that was trying to print copies to distribute as zines, because DEAR FUCKING LORD.
I've already spent an hour writing this, and I've got quite a bit to do today! So I'll end it off here. Thanks for reading this!
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dawnmon · 2 years ago
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A list of who and who should not be allowed into the Dream SMP 2 Writers Room (pretty much Do I Like Their Character/Think They’re Well Done).
I am also an Inniter. That says a lot I feel
Aimsey: Yes! Their lore at the start was very good. They pulled out Bangers for their first few lore streams and told a really good story that was ruined by the s4 curse.
Allowed
Antfrost: Don’t know much about his lore besides that he was in the eggpire. also bad tommy takes
Not Allowed (Bad Tommy Takes)
Awesamdude: Yes Absolutely! He’s one of the most consistent characters on the SMP, if not The most, and he plays three separate characters to boot. Very talented, very good lore
Allowed
BadBoyHalo: Nn. No. I loved the Eggpire arc but the s4 victim blaming towards c!Tommy was Not something I’m. comfortable with. So.
Not Allowed (Bad takes)
BoomerNA: Another person I don’t know the lore of too well. From what I Have seen, it was well made and had quite a bit of thought and effort into it. Joined very late into s3 so his potential hasn’t come to fruition.
Allowed
Callahan:
Allowed
CaptainPuffy: Her recent disrespect of lore, to be frank, didn't sit well with me. She’s making a different character for goofing off now, but her trend of droppings arcs before really starting them leads to a really inconsistent character. She also hopped on the c!Tommy Hate bandwagon, which makes zero sense since she was his therapist.
Not Allowed (Inconsistency)
ConnorEatsPants:
Allowed
Dream: He’s the literal owner of and titular character of the server who is tied to all lore. He also has not appeared in main s4, i miss him. I miss c!prime.
Allowed
Eret: Oh absolutely. Her lore is special and she deserves it.
Allowed
Eryn: Like Boomer, they joined very late into s3, but from what i’ve seen put in a lot of effort into their story. They utilize their character’s newness and chaotic nature well. Just needs more time to develop.
Allowed
Foolish Gamers: Absolute beast of a builder. As a writer as well, his character is interesting and his interactions with the egg arc were impactful and had huge consequences on his character. Really solid, though outside of egg lore and his Eret history I don’t know much.
Allowed
Fundy: A sparse character who doesn’t hop on often But Man when he does? He's an absolute treat and I adore his lore. So much effort is put in and he’s often swept to the side despite being a Lmanberg OG, so he gets this.
Allowed
GeorgeNotFound: it would be funny
Allowed
Hannahxxrose: From what I’ve seen of her lore? Yeah! It’s some cool stuff. I like her character. Not much else besides she absolutely was ready to murder Dream on multiple accounts and had nice bank lore.
Allowed
HBomb94: Haha cat maid. (also genuinely has a cool lore moment)
Allowed
ItsAlyssa: If she wants to
Allowed
JackManifoldTV: One of the only examples of a character who hates Tommy Well, because they used to be friends. Very good character.
Allowed
Jschlatt: Haha evil goat man. Seriously, a threatening yet comedic villain during Pogtopia.
Allowed
Karl Jacobs: Yes. His Tales stuff is absolutely phenomenal and expands on the lore so much. Absolutely impressive.
Allowed
LazarBeam and Vikkstar123: Their only lore to my knowledge is getting tortured by Dream and that qualifies them
Allowed
Michaelmcchill: He has some really cool stuff! His radio lore was super cool and I really wish he got to use it to interact more.
Allowed
Nihachu: Oh boy um. Niki’s character really isn’t one I’m too fond of? She’s in this really weird and really contradictory spot honestly. Earlier, it was great, but joining the Syndicate, trying to kill Tommy, and freeing Dream aren’t actions she seems to have reflected on or apologized for.
Not Allowed (Inconsistency)
Ph1LzA: Haha,, no. Terrible advice in s4, frees Dream with no consequences, kills his son and believes it’s justified, absolute mess. CC Phil is great but I Cannot stand his writing.
Not Allowed (Wtf is with this man)
Ponk: PONK! Yes. Really impactful stuff, and is ingrained in server history.
Allowed
Punz: So he’s one im on the fence for mostly because i really don’t like staged disc finale. It feels like a cheap twist for a cheap twist and it’s disappointing because I liked his character a lot before it. Disregarding it I Like his lore post breakout retcon with Dream but Man it sours me.
Not Allowed (On the fence)
Purpled: Really cool lore! Utilizes his lack of lore to actually better his character in the Las Nevadas Arc.
Allowed
Quackity: ABSOLUTELY! Las Nevadas is such an incredible arc and so much effort is put into his stuff. I could go on for ages but he’s such a good, consistent, and well written character.
Allowed
Ranboo: Mmmm. So, his decision to have irl time = smp time is just One of my many frustrations. I liked his lore in the start, but it’s been a year and a half and we’ve gotten basically no answers or payoff at all. His treatment of c!Tommy is also something that frustrates me a Lot looking back and it’s not intentional. I dunno. His character irritates me.
Not Allowed (Stagnation and c!Tommy treatment)
Sapnap: So I really liked his resolve to kill Dream and then. That arc died. But I Do really like his relationship with Dream and how that’s evolved. There’s some bits I am Eh on but nothing Too bad.
Allowed
Seapeekay: Another late addition but I really am intrigued by his stuff! It’s super neat. Deserves more time.
Allowed
Skeppy: Lol gem man. Honestly the table conversation alone should admit him but also his egg stuff was cool.
Allowed
Slimecicle: Yes! Such a good character oh wow. I really liked Slime/c!Charlie, his interactions with everyone were so amazing and I really wish he came back to life.
Allowed
Technoblade: No.
Not Allowed (Not in a million years.)
TinaKitten; Don’t know anything about their lore!
Not Allowed (Lack of knowledge)
TommyInnit: I’m an Inniter
Allowed
Tubbo: So even before he was a leading cause of my S4 distaste, he was kind of on the fence. Knocked it out of the Park with the L’MB anniversary stream, but Cookie Outpost was super Eh for me, and Saving Michael and Everything after was the nail in the coffin. Goodbye to 2/3 of Benchtrio, if only your writing was better.
Not Allowed (Ruined S4!)
Wilbur Soot: Last one, Wilbur! Yeah. Recent s4 mishap aside, such a solid character and writer especially. Should’ve stayed in written form but ultimately really good and deserves it.
Allowed
——————
All Unalloweds:
Tina (Don’t know enough)
Ant (bad tommy takes)
Tubbo (Ruined S4)
Puffy (Inconsistent and also soured S4)
Punz (Seemed to genuinely care about Tommy And Then Didn’t, plot twist bad)
BBH (Has Yikes takes on c!prime)
Everyone in Syndicate (minus connor)
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therealtsk · 3 years ago
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tsk i’m DYING to hear your play-by-play on which worm characters have dumb fanon interpretations
UH OH YOU JUST OPENED THE FLOODGATES so the short answer is pretty much every major character but I am a high-effort bitch so let's do this: Taylor Hebert: jfc, I could probably hit a word count limit talking about Taylor alone. First you have the dumb as shit TINO (Taylor In Name Only) phenomenon where people just straight up SI as Taylor but pretend it's her and she's basically a different person wearing Taylor's skin like an ill-fitting suit. Then there's the Memetic Escalator Taylor interpretation where Taylor's Warlord era characterization is flanderized so hard that she turns into her world's version of Doomguy where her response to literally everything is ultra violence, mutilation and torture and she can totally beat up anyone you guys hahah coin sock goes brrrrr you go brutalize those totally deserving victims queen. And then there's shy, stuttering, soft spoken "useless lesbian" Taylor which is not as common but still, fuckin straight men and the way they infantize gay women. Taylor is perhaps the most consistently inconsistent characterization I've seen in fandom, it's fucking wild Lisa Wilbourn: Has two fanon settings. Taylor's best friend who exists solely to give exposition and get the "Stop Coil" subplot rolling (occasional gay subtext will be added in a way that feels fetishy) Or, the evil bitchy blonde who is first target of the SI. I constantly wonder if the people who write the frankly masturbatory SI's are aware that we can tell they're still bitter about girls not dating them in highschool. Brian: basically does not exist in fic aside from the occasional joke cause racism and also because of how popular wlw ships are in Worm fandom. you deserve better dude Alec: has a few token appearances in wormfic fandom that usually have him as the comic relief alongside Aisha, which might actually be for the best considering he's a rapist and the Worm fandom's uhhhh tendencies. Moving on- Aisha: prankster girl that alt!Taylor will adopt as a younger sibling. hopefully is not part of the totally-not-a-harem considering she's even younger then the rest of these teens Bitch: Another girl to fall into alt!Taylor's definitely-not-a-harem, but with more butch tendencies. Basically has no personality in fanon outside of her dogs Parian: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SHOP FFS also another member of Taylor's totally-not-a-harem Flechette: yeah it's a harem Sophia: holy shit you think Brian's bad? The racism in pretty much every fanon depiction of Sophia is off the charts. Hyper-violent, super edgy, "predator/prey" speech inbound, will get humilated/killed in some new, supposedly satisfying but actually just deeply uncomfortable way, probably throw in some E88 shit too just because Emma: again, do the writers know we can tell they're still malding over the fact that the pretty girls in highschool didn't date them? fanon emma is pretty much a cardboard cut out of whoever was mean to the author. something something bitches three Madison: in fanon has a C53 fetish, occasionally is also Browbeat. don't ask why Victoria: gets hit with the blonde stereotypes even harder then Lisa, "Collateral Damage Barbie" is one of the phrases that activates my flight or fight responses. she basically is an entirely different character in fanon. bubbly dumb blonde girl with a massive temper and well other sexist bullshiit Amy: I hate even touching this character with a ten foot pole but basically is hit with the "soft useless lesbian" trope hard enough to make her into a completely separate person from her canon self. whether or not this is a good thing is still up for debate Carol: in fanon, an evil bitch who exists solely to bully Amy Mark: who? The rest of New Wave: cannon fodder for Leviathan Danny Hebert: literally stale milk instead of a personality, will probably die before the fic is over but we won't care because the author did not care either Armsmaster: hahaha robotman go brrrr or is an arrogant self-aggrandizing shit, can't interact with people without Dragon helping him 24/7 Miss Militia: fanon bat'd into team mom,
idk where this came from considering her first instinct upon seeing children is to pull out a gun holy shit wait is she actually Taylor's true mom- Velocity: canon fodder for levi Battery & Assault: sitcom wife, sitcom husband! please ignore how fucked up this relationship is if you look at it for more than two seconds Dauntless: haha armsy is JEALOUS also cannon fodder for levi Triumph: who? The BB wards in general tend to be incredibly bland, the only ones who have fanon personalities of note are Clockblocker and Vista. The former being such a huge prankster that every other line is a joke- or him complaining about how BULLSHIT Alt!Taylor's powers are. Vista is an angry kiddo who says that Shadow Stalker doesn't count as being a girl on the team The E88: no personality for any of them except that Kaiser is noble and really isn't that bad and also Purity did nothing wrong totally she's just a hot mom trying to do her best, please ignore how she exclusively targets characters of color and literally calls white criminals more civilized than miniorities- the worm fandom has something of a nazi problem i hate it here The ABB: racism and honorable samurai lung even though that has no canon basis so again, racist stereotypes The Slaughterhouse 9: This one makes me just as sad as the Lisa shit because dear god this is such a good cast of villains that fanon completely flattens to bowling pins for the Alt!Taylor of the week to mow down, why does this fandom suck so much. Anyway Jack is just the Joker, Crawler is masochistic, etc i'm moving on now The PRT/Protectorate as a whole: They are an evil paramilitary organization that pressgangs kids into signing up to become child soldiers, and somehow at the same time, they are a bunch of idiots who listen to the PR department and have stupid things like RULES that prevent capes from COMMITTING VIOLENCE. Being called "the biggest gang of all" is common and some shit like "at least the criminals are honest" is a likely statement. Cauldron: whoo boy this one really boils my blood but fanon Cauldron are just a bunch of evil idiots who can't even tie their shoelaces. basically a bunch of dudebros are upset that women run the world and that two of them essentially have "I win" powers so they have to make them lose to their SI- er, Taylor in fics so they can assuage their masculinity, which totally isn't pathetic Scion: Is at once the end all be all of worm you can't write a wormfic without scion or else it's TOTALLY MEANINGLESS because what is the point of a story if all the characters are going to DIE in a few years anyway, and at the same time is incredibly easy to defeat- this ties into how Cauldron is stupid. Scion Truthers pls shut up and go read something else okay I think that's everyone I would apologize but the only thing I'm sorry for is how messy this is
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erithel · 3 years ago
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Hunk anon here. Fandom content is too good and the show content negatively impacted our memories so we just make our own content that would make sense.
Most of our content is Klance based and it’s normalized to see him as Lance or Keith’s soft teddy bear love counselor . He’s not meant to be center staged in those stories so people just characterize him in the easiest way possible. It’s hard to write him as a rude ass like he is in canon bc we don’t want anyone to be rude to Lance (anymore) or Keith and it’s hard to reconcile what we see in fanon with the reality of canon. Fanon Pidge is the same way. She’s a good hearted young girl who will apologize if she goes too far and tries to make an effort with her friends because this is the first friend group she had in her life. Canon Pidge? Hard pass.
I do wish fanon content explore more of the friend part of Klance’s rival to friends to lover relationship. Despite the fuckery with some of Keith’s s6-7 characterization (imo Keith is the most inconsistent character written on the show) Keith and Lance have a natural development as partners and you can actually see movement in the way their relationship changes. They could be one of the best duos if given a chance. Mainly cause theyre both on the same wavelength and brain length as each other haha.
But man, if my Hunk thoughts are explosive I don’t think anyone is ready for what I have to say about Shiro.
Fanon Hunk and fanon Pidge are amazing – and I hope they continue to be depicted in fanfics as they have been because that's the way it should be.
I love Hunk as the peacekeeper. I love to think of his character as the guy who would, unironically, be the one to say "seriously, can't we all just get along?"
I love Pidge as the one who noticed everything and uses that knowledge to play harmless pranks or to tease her friends. And I love, moreover, when she is portrayed as the one who will take your secret to the grave if she sees how serious it is.
I love that they are both portrayed in fanfiction as being so stubbornly and viciously loyal, the only time they become rude or inconsiderate is in defense of their friends.
Obviously, the still have their flaws, and those flaws should not be overlooked in good writing. But if they were accurately portrayed as their canon selves in fanfiction, it would be so bleak you might as well tag it "Major Character Death."
I agree about portraying friendship first. Not just for klance, but for literally all relationships. I remember a line from a book I read as a kid where the character said (something along the lines of) "I want to be with someone I like and love." I didn't understand it at the time, because I thought it was a given.
In reality, there is a huge distinction between these two, in terms of a relationship. That's why the fics that portray a klance friendship first – and an accurate and believable build towards romance – are the ones that stick with me. Because your partner should be your favorite person. They should be the one you want to spend time with – not just in a romantic or sexual setting. They should be the one you want to be with just because you like being around them, and you feel comfortable in their company. This is a huge reason why I don't ship a lot of heterosexual couples in movies and TV, because they often don't get the portrayal of friendship first. They go from the "hating" stage to the "love" stage with nothing in between. But that in between stage is literally the most important one, and it definitely should not be ignored. (And it's yet another thing that Brooklyn Nine-Nine gets right).
And...you brought up Shiro. People have commented on him before, so I'd guess there might be something that comes of that...
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dialovers-translations · 4 years ago
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Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Sleeping Vampire ー Mukami Ruki
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Source: Diabolik Lovers Vandead Carnival
Seiyuu: Takahiro Sakurai
Audio: Part 1 ll Part 2
→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!
“...Hm...? What’s wrong? You woke up?”
You ask Ruki what he is doing.
“Aah, my bad. Did you wake up because you were curious what I was up to? I was going to read till a good stopping point, but the book only made me feel even more awake. More importantly...What’s wrong? It’s unusual for you to wake up at this hour. Did you have a strange dream, perhaps?”
You nod.
“I knew it. I’m just about to start a new chapter (1). Instead of reading my book, I’ll talk with you instead. Try telling me what the dream was about. It might not be bad to listen to your idle talk every now and then like this...”
You start explaining the dream.
*TIMESKIP*
“ーー I see. So that’s what it was about. A picnic with the five of us, huh? That’s definitely an odd dream. However, they say that dreams reflect one’s wishes. You were wishing for something like that?”
You panic a little.
“Heh...Look at you get all flustered. Seems like I was spot on. Well, why not? It might make for a fine change of pace.”
You seem surprised.
“...Why are you giving me that look?”
You note you did not expect that.
“...Unexpected? Just who do you think I am? A cruel-hearted man who wouldn’t even grant a single wish of his own livestock?” 
You quickly shake your head.
“Pfft. ...Don’t try and deny it now. Honestly, I do not mind how you look at me; Now that I think about it, it is true that I have yet to do something for the sake of making you happy. I’m a dull man. Humankind tries to enjoy their life because they know their time is limited. However, Vampires don’t have this limit, right? As we live on, we become blind to the value or fun in life...And at some point, we even forget what exactly it is like to enjoy something. That’s why I never thought about entertaining you. Even if you find me boring because of that, I simply cannot deny it.”
You point towards the book.
“A book? You’re talking about this one? What’s wrong with it?”
You explain.
“...Aah, I suppose reading could be seen as one way to enjoy oneself. However, this is simply a means to kill some time. When you walk the path of eternal life, there are times where the nights feel very long. Although I doubt that is something a human such as yourself is able to grasp.”
You frown.
“...Don’t make that face. I am simply stating the truth, there is no other meaning behind it. Nor do I intend to refute the dream you saw or your wish. You are free to desire whatever you want after all.”
You tell Ruki he doesn’t need to force himself to go.
“I never said I don’t want to go. ...Do you really want to go on a picnic with me?”
You nod.
“Heh...Well, if you want to go with me, I don’t mind tagging along. However...Taking the others along as well will have to be for another time. If we’re heading outside and I have to watch over all four of you, it’d take an immense amount of effort.”
*Rustle*
“If it’s just the two of us...I’ll accompany you.”
*Rustle rustle*
“Oi, don’t get up. ...Good grief. Hey, don’t flip over the blanket.”
You scoot closer to Ruki.
“Heh...What a strange woman you are, wishing to go on a picnic with a Vampire. I’m sure it’ll be boring? I’m a dull man after all.”
You tell him it will be fine.
“...I wonder. Well, I suppose it isn’t up to me to decide how you will feel about it. If I go with you...I might just be able to remember what it is like to have fun.”
You ask what he said.
“...Nothing. I was simply thinking which book would be nice to read outside.”
You pout.
“What? Got a problem with that? You’ve sure come to think highly of yourself if you believe you have the right to comment on my preferences?”
You quickly try and apologize. 
“Pfft...I was joking, idiot. I’m not upset. However...Learning about their Master’s tastes is part of your duty as my Livestock. Why don’t you give these a read sometime as well?”
*Flip*
“This book was written during the Neo-Latin period quite some time agーー”
You ask about the language.
“...This? It’s Latin.”
You are impressed.
“There is nothing impressive about it. Anyone can read this with enough practice. ...However, I suppose it may be a bit of a challenge for you. The other day, you didn’t score too well on the foreign language test, did you?”
You ask him how he knows.
“Of course I know. I am your Master after all. I know my Livestock in and out. Well, I suppose you’ll just have to study a little more. Try your best on the next exam, okay?”
You promise to give it your all.
“Heh...So, what will you do? If you wish so, I don’t mind reading it out loud for you.”
You hesitate.
“...No need to be modest?”
You shake your head.
“...I see. I thought it would make for a fine bedtime story though. I guess for women or children, a tale from the One Thousand and One Nights is more suitable.”
You nod.
“Well then, you should go back to sleep soon. You don’t need to force yourself to stay awake with me.”
*Rustle*
“Make sure to cover yourself properly with the blanket. Come on. ...Close your eyes.”
You close your eyes.
*Flip*
“...”
*Flip*
You open your eyes again.
*Rustle rustle*
“...What? You woke up again? Didn’t I tell you to sleep?”
You explain.
“You feel wide awake? Haah...You’re such a child at times. That being said, I suppose I am partially responsible as well. ...It cannot be helped. Try telling me what might help you lull to sleep. I’ll do whatever you want.”
You offer to chat for a bit.
“...Talk? You’d be able to sleep if we talk for a while? But you declined by offer earlier, did you not?”
You explain.
“...Pfft, I see. It has to be in a language you understand, huh? However, this is catching me a bit off guard. Right...Should I imitate you and try talking about my dreams?”
You seem curious.
“As of late...I’ve stopped having nightmares. As a result, I can sleep well.”
You ask him about his dreams.
“Hm? What kind of dreams I have? Let’s see...Now that I think about it, I don’t have them often.”
You pout.
“...Oi. Don’t make your disappointment so clear. It hurts me a little too. Unlike me...Seems like you see all sorts of dreams? Am I wrong?”
You confirm his statement.
“Right? That’s what I thought looking at you. ...Heh, there’s no deeper meaning behind it. ...What kind of dreams do you see? Just pick one you remember. Tell me about it.”
You start talking about your dreams.
“...Hm...Heeh. Hm...? What’s wrong? Why did you stop talking?”
You assume it is boring to him.
“It isn’t boring. Stop having those ridiculous worries. I don’t dislike listening to your stories. While I won’t deny that you aren’t the best story-teller, and since you are talking about your dreams, the story is somewhat inconsistent and all over the place. However, I never expected a perfect story from you in the first place, so rest assured.”
You ask about his expectations.
“...Who knows? I’m not quite sure what exactly I was expecting. It’s just, right...I suppose I might have simply wished to listen to your rambling. I will admit that I have lost my edge to be satisfied by such a clumsy story. So...Don’t worry and tell your story the way you want. I want to listen to you talk.”
*TIMESKIP*
Ruki has dozed off.
“...”
*Rustle*
“Nn...Aah...I had nodded off a little.”
You blame your own story being boring.
“That’s not it. However...How do I put this? I feel so very at ease when listening to your voice. Furthermore, the content of these wishes reflected in your dreams are like those of a child, it is rather adorable.”
You start blushing.
“...What’s wrong? Why are you pulling a weird face? Aah, because I called you cute? ...That’s a little upsetting. I am pretty sure I have always doted on you like this, haven’t I?”
You get upset because he was sleeping instead of listening to you talk.
“Heh...Rest assured. Even if I’m dozing off, I’m still listening to you. On top of the dream about the picnic, you had ones about a house made out of candy and als one where you went to an amusement park, right? Finally you talked about a dream where you rode on top of the clouds. When you put them next to each other like that, all of your dreams are about having fun, aren’t they?”
You are impressed he could list them all off.
“See? I remembered, didn’t I? What do you think hearing them listed off like that? Don’t you think it only makes sense I would perceive them as childish?”
You go quiet.
“...Haha. Seems like you can’t deny my statement.”
You protest.
“You’ve had more mature dreams as well? Hooh, now that is interesting. I would love to hear about those.”
You flinch.
“Why do you seem uneasy? You’re the one who brought it up. Now explain yourself.”
You move away.
*Creaaak*
“Oi. Think you can get away?”
Ruki quickly pulls you back to his side.
“Did you really think you could deceive me by saying you’ve suddenly gotten sleepy? If you want to lie that badly, at least come up with something a little better.”
You nod.
“...I’m glad you understand. If you were truly thinking of deceiving me, I suppose I will have to discipline you again. ーー Well then.”
*Rustle*
“An adult dream, was it? Try telling me about it. You’re stuck like this until you do.”
*Creaaaak*
“Exactly, pinned down underneath me like this. Your fate is in your own hands.”
You get flustered.
“...What are you turning red for? Could it be...Something you can’t tell me about it? Hm?”
You protest.
“Aah...I get it now. This ‘adult dream’ you spoke of is related to me. That’s why you can’t tell me. ...Aren’t I right? Heh. You really are an open book. However, in that case, I am even more curious now. Try telling me. From beginning till end, without trying to cover anything up.”
You start talking.
“...Hm...Hah...How ridiculous.”
*Creaaaaak*
“Since you flushed red in shame, I was already wondering what kind of dream I should expect but...Let me break it to you, that is without a doubt another one of your childish dreams. I embraced you gently and we kissed? What exactly is so ‘mature’ about that? On top of that, it was like a Prince’s kiss? Children are the only ones who should still believe in that nonsense. Utterly ridiculous.”
You frown and lower your head.
“...Haah. Don’t be so down. I was a little too harsh with my words as well. However...I only just told you that dreams reflect one’s desires, right? I felt as if you were trying to express your dissatisfaction with the kisses I usually give you...So I became a little upset. Even right now, I’ve been trying to be kind to you in my own way...But it seems like the message did not get through to you.”
*Creaaaak*
“I can’t just turn a blind eye to what you said. That wish of yours...I shall fulfill it right now.”
Ruki embraces you.
“I have to gently hold you in my arms first...Right? Thenーー”
*Rustle rustle*
“A Prince’s kiss, was it? ...Nn...”
*Smooch*
“...Are you satisfied now?”
Your eyes widen in shock.
“Heh...Why do you seem so surprised? I kissed you in your dream, did I not? In that case, I don’t see a problem with me doing it to you in real life as well. Dreams reflect our desires. In short, you wanted me to kiss you.”
You pout.
“Hehe...So? What did you think of my gentle kiss?”
You whisper your response.
“...Pardon? I can’t hear you.”
You repeat it.
“...It caught you off guard so you couldn’t tell? Haah...How boring. You really are a dull woman...”
You protest.
“Pfft...I know. I’m just kidding. You truly believe that’s how I feel about you? However, if that’s the problem, I shall start asking for your permission first from here on out. When I embrace or kiss you. Even when I touch you, I will only do it after asking. What do you think? 
You shake your head.
“Oh? You don’t like the sound of that? Good grief, you are such greedy Livestock. ...Hehe. However, I don’t want to do something you don’t enjoy either. If it makes you happy, I’ll treat you with kindness any time you want.”
You smile.
“...Are you starting to get sleepy yet? We’ve been chatting for quite some time after all.”
You shake your head.
“...You feel even more awake? Heh...Because of the kiss? You really are still a child if that’s enough to keep you awake at night. Well, if you close your eyes and lay still, I’m sure you’ll eventually grow sleepy.”
You ask if he’ll sleep as well.
“Me? I’m not tired yet. I’ll continue reading my book for a little longer. ...Come on. You should hurry up and sleep. It is the optimal way to give your body some rest.”
*Flip*
“...”
*Flip*
“...”
*Flip*
“...Did I not tell you to sleep? What do you gain from looking at my face? If there’s something you want to tell me, then spit it out.”
You tell him he looks very handsome reading like that.
“...I was not sure what to expect, but you sure say the funniest things, calling a man in his pajamas ‘handsome’. ...Think before you speak.”
You insist it was meant in a positive way.
“...Yes, exactly. Even if it is a compliment. ...It would distract me and I won’t be able to focus on my reading. You’re the type who always voices their thoughts and emotions out loud. It makes you hard to handle. Well...I will admit that it doesn’t feel bad to receive said compliment from you.”
You ask for permission to watch him.
“...You’d still do it even if I say no, right? It can’t be helped. Only for today, okay? However, don’t say any more unnecessary things, okay?”
You promise.
“...Exactly. I don’t need to hear your impressions. I won’t ever be able to get some rest if I don’t get to a good stopping point. Don’t prevent your Master from getting his sleep. Understood?”
*Flip*
“...”
*Flip*
“...”
*Flip*
“...Oi. You want to fall asleep in that position?”
*Rustle rustle*
“You have to lie down properly to sleep. Otherwise you’ll hurt your body. Come onーー”
*Creaaaak*
“You don’t need to sleep while looking at me, do you? Go for a sleeping position which is the most comfortable for you.”
You protest.
“You grow curious? Because I’m next to you? ...Okay. In that case, I’ll return to my own roーー”
You quickly stop him.
*Rustle*
Ruki: Oi, don’t suddenly pull onto me. ...You don’t want me to leave, huh? You’ve gotten quite skilled at tempting me. However, you can’t sleep when I’m here, right? I suppose it wouldn’t be a problem if I were to sleep as well, but I’m still going to be awake for quite some time. In that case, sleeping separately would be much more effective.”
You ask him to sleep as well.
“...What do you mean ‘motivation to sleep’? How exactly should I try my best to fall asleep?” 
You pout.
“...Fine. In that case, I’ll hit the hay too. That’ll solve the problem, right? I could no longer concentrate either because you kept on catching my attention. Let’s go to bed so we’ll be well-rested in the morning.”
*Rustle rustle*
“Good grief. You sure are a handful. Come on, stop looking at me forever. Close your eyes. In that case...I don’t mind embracing you, shrouding you in darkness that way?”
*Rustle*
“Yeah, I suppose I’ll do that. I’ll be able to sleep quicker that way too.”
You seem reluctant.
“Heh...You really are a child. You still don’t know just how nice it feels to have someone hold you in their arms. Seems like the contents of your dreams won’t be changing any time soon then.”
You pout.
“...Don’t sulk. If you get upset, you’ll only have even more trouble falling asleep. If I can’t embrace you...How about stroking your forehead like this? They say that children enjoy having their head patted. Doesn’t it put you at ease?”
You nod.
“...I see. As long as it helps you get some sleep.”
You smile.
“...My hand feels cold and refreshing? Little late to notice that, don’t you think? I’m a Vampire, remember? Exactly. A Vampire is going this far for you, so just get some rest already, okay? If you really can’t fall asleep, I don’t mind sucking your blood until you grow anemic. Then you’d be able to sleep soundly, no?”
You protest.
“Heh...If you don’t want that, perhaps I should return to my own room after all? ...You want me to stay here, don’t you? In that case, be a good girl and sleep.”
You sigh.
“You’re to blame for refusing to sleep. Come on, scoot closer.”
*Rustle*
“You said you’d be too nervous to sleep when I embrace you but...Try looking at it this way. You should simply think that right here...that being in my arms is the most cozy place in the whole wid world. You...held my hand while I was sleeping in the past, didn’t you? This is no different. Think of these arms as something which bring you peace. By doing so, I’m sure you’ll be able to relax. ...What do you think?”
You admit feeling relaxed.
“I see. Then fall asleep like that. You can watch my face to your heart’s content again in the morning, can’t you?”
You ask Ruki if he will stay by your side.
“...Yeah. I’ll still be here in the morning. So rest assured and close your eyes.”
You close your eyes.
“...Good girl.”
You doze off.
“...Seems like she fell asleep. She really is still a child who needs to be put to bed, huh? ...Making such a pleased expression, I wonder if she’s having a dream right now? I wonder what kind of dream it is?”
*Rustle*
“One where she has childish fun? Or perhaps part two of the picnic? Or maybeーー A dream about me? I’ll have you tell me tomorrow.”
*Creaaak*
“Heh...When asleep, she leaves herself even more vulnerable than usual. ...Dreams, huh? This might be one of her wishes as well but, what if...Nn...”
*Smooch*
“...She might just get me actually kissing her ass she sleeps like this mixed up with her dream. That would be very much like her.”
*Creaaak*
“I suppose she’ll wake up again if I keep talking for too long.”
Ruki closes his eyes.
“...Suppose I’ll get some shut-eye as well.”
He closes his book.
*Rustle*
“I don’t see fun dreams like you do, nor do they interest me. But when I look at your adorable, relaxed sleeping face...I feel like I’ll be able to see an enjoyable dream just like you do. ...Especially tonight. I hope that you too...Will have a fun, long dream. ...Nn...”
*Smooch*
“...Goodnight.”
ーー THE END ーー
Translation notes
(1) ��切り or ‘kugiri’ is used to refer to a breakpoint in general. Since he is reading a book, this seemed like a fine translation in English. 
123 notes · View notes
imaginesupply · 4 years ago
Text
Homecoming - Chapter Five
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(Gif’s not my own.)
Summary: The day has arrived, Captain Syverson is going home. For good, this time. He is going home to a civilian life he can hardly remember and a wife he barely knows, with memories of the war still fresh on his mind. Love might not be able to heal everything on its own, but it’s a good start.
Genres: Romance, drama.
Story warnings: Smut (always fully consensual), mentions of PTSD and nightmares and mental health, angst, hurt and comfort, fluff, mentions of war (minor), mentions of cheating (minor), mentions of pregnancy (very minor), police appearance (very minor), violence (very minor).
Notes:
It’s my first time writing for one of Henry’s characters and I’m unsure I did Sy’s character any justice.
This is a Capt. Syverson x OFC (Ada) story, written in 3rd person POV but OFC’s physical description is very limited so it could also be read as Capt. Syverson x Reader, I think.
English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes. Proofread, but not beta’ed. We die like men and all that.
Timeline is a little wacky: The movie takes place in 2003 and the U.S. forces were withdrawn from Iraq in 2011, but I never set a precise date because I don’t think it’s essential for this story. However, some elements might not be realistic because if we set this story in 2003: Phone cameras quality was not as good as it’s now, but for the purpose of the chapters, I will need you to imagine you could film great videos with your flip phone haha. Plus, it says Sy is coming back after being deployed for more than three years which makes no sense unless we set this in 2006 or later. I am asking you disregard any time inconsistencies.
Also: I am not American. I only lived in the US for six months and it was in the Midwest, not Texas so please bear with me if I write something stupid.
Finally: This will be a Christmas fic and I intend to post the last chapter (there will be seven in total) on or before Christmas. However, religion is never mentioned in this story and the Christmas-sy elements of this story are limited to family gathering, gift giving and tree decorating.
Chapter Five starts after the cut. (Chapter Four can be found here.) Let me know if you wish to be tagged in future chapters or if you wish to be removed from the tag list.
A/N: I am aware of the neutral, perhaps positive, portrait of the police I painted in this chapter. I am fully conscious of the recent (and not so recent) instances of police brutality happening all around the world, many – if not most – of them motivated by racism and other despicable ideologies. With this chapter, I did NOT mean to express support for the police forces. I simply had this ‘plot’ idea come to my mind and decided to write it. There is no ulterior motive.
While all my personal experiences with the police have been positive, I am aware that my ethnicity gives me privilege and that many people are not as lucky as I am. This both angers and saddens me. It has to change.
Black lives matter. Minority lives matter.
Chapter 5
Chapter warnings: Cockwarming, irresponsible driving (kind of), car accident (not serious), police (but no police violence), very mild violence, language (perhaps a little bit worse than in previous chapters but nothing you don’t hear in real life, I guess), mentions of mysogyny.
Ada yawned with Sy quickly following suit. “You can drive my car if you want, Sy. It’s not that new anymore, you know.” She offered, gracing him with the most angelic smile she could muster. It was the first time she was granting him the opportunity to drive her car.
Sy laughed next to her, his left hand moving over the center console to rub her thigh. He had that stupid grin again, that looking endearing with his current droopy eyes. “It’s your car, darlin’. Besides, you’d kill me if I ever so much as got a scratch on it.” He chuckled, suppressing another yawn. “And I know you’re only offering because you want to sleep.”
His wife gasped, a look of mocking offense on her features. “They’re your nephews!”
“But you were the one who said yes,” Sy countered, his eyes closing again as he made himself more comfortable on the car seat. The drive home was only about one hour and a half, but it was the perfect length for a nap.
“What the fuck was I supposed to say, huh?” Ada laughed, gesticulating wildly as was her habit. “Yes, Joshua, I understand you’re taking my pregnant sister-in-law to the hospital. No, I will not look after your kids for the night. It’s our date night.”
Next to her, Sy grimaced. She did have a point, even if he had been looking forward to going bowling with her: Ada was a sore loser which always ended with lots of fun for him. At least, his sister and the baby were okay. Just a normal case of Braxton Hicks, apparently, whatever that was supposed to mean. Perhaps it was good thing Ada didn’t want children because he’d freak out if she started having contractions four months in. “You fell asleep on Luke’s bed at one in the morning when you tried to get him to sleep for the third time and I had to spend the whole night entertaining them with tea parties because they wouldn’t tire!”
“Hey! That’s not cool!” She protested accusatorily, her eyes on the road as she switched lanes to take the next exit. “I didn’t know you couldn’t give kids sugar after a certain hour!”
Sy huffed, shaking his head. They’d had the great idea to bring donuts because according to his dear wife, sugar always made you feel better when you was anxious or down, and the kids had been aware something was off with their mom. “We suck at this parenting thing.”
“You don’t say!” Ada laughed, before loudly cursing at driver who’d just cut her off, something which never failed to make Sy smile. “The nap’s going to feel heavenly once we’re home.”
Sy hummed in agreement, his head falling back against the headrest as he drifted off, hiding his eyes from the sun with his cap. Ada glanced sideways at him, shaking her head. Part of her wanted to shake him awake. If she had to suffer, so did he. But he was right, she had slept more than him and he looked too peaceful to disturb, especially with some leftover glitter still on his cheeks.
Suddenly, there was a mild thump and the car stuttered before stopping, startling Ada who jumped on her seat.
"Shit!" She cursed. "Did I just...?" She began to panic, her eyes moving to the red car in front of them, too close. She had bumped it while she had been distracted by her husband’s stupid, sleepy face!
"Yes, yes you did," Sy laughed next to her. Ada was a good driver and she loved driving, but she was easily distracted and Sy never failed to tease her about it. This time, however, he could tell she was scared from the way her chest was heaving with her shallow breaths. "Want me to deal with it, darlin'?" He offered, tilting his head at the other driver who had just come out of the red, broken-down car.
"No!" Ada protested all too quickly, taking off her seatbelt and grabbing the necessary documents from the glovebox, accidentally hitting his knees in the process. "I am an independent woman who don't need no help," she muttered, trying to convince herself of her own statement. In the eight years since she’d had her gotten her licence, she had never given any of her cars a single scratch, let alone gotten into an accident.
Sy grinned at her antics but tried to hide his amusement, not wanting to make it worse. "All right. I'm here in case you need me, okay?" With a determined nod in his direction, Ada stepped out of the car and attempted to summon the Annalise Keating or the Olivia Pope inside her, whichever she could find in herself.
The man from the red car, who seemed to be in his early forties and balding, was already inspecting his vehicle for damage – looking mighty pissed as he did so. Ada approached the impact point from the other side, noticing the bump on the man’s old car. It didn't look too bad, she sighed with relief. Her own car barely had anything. Ha! She would have to use this as an argument next time Sy and her started discussing cars. Her black Citroën DS5 was sturdy and not just fancy looking, unlike what he said.
"Hello, sir," she said calmly, the man instantly looking up at her. Damn! He really looked furious, seething even. "I am so sorry for this. I was a little distracted- Anyway, it doesn't matter. My insurance will cover whatever repairs your car may require."
"You stupid little bitch!" The man shouted, out of the blue.
Ada gasped, backtracking. The muscles in her jaw twitched. What the fuck was wrong with him? "I understand your anger, but there's no-"
"What were you even doing behind that wheel?" He snarled, gesturing at her car, her baby. "Who the hell lets women like you drive cars like that?!” The man cursed, aggressively waving his hand in the air.
She just stood there, still in shock. Did... did he just bring misogyny into a fender bender situation?! "Women like me?!" She repeated, quite stunned.
"Aye! Bitches like you have no business driving-”
Ada flinched at the man’s words. He was starting to breech the distance between them, moving too close to her. Ada jumped again when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder before realizing it belonged to Sy and letting herself exhale slowly. Thank God he didn’t listen to her and stayed in the car!
"I get that you’re pissed, but that's no way to talk to a lady. You should to apologize," Sy told the man, making it sound very much like an order and very little like a suggestion. The driver huffed before coming closer, his face about as red as the car as when he started laughing. Ada instinctively hid under Sy's arm, though she aware of the ridicule of the whole situation.
"That's your whore? You let your whore drive your car?!"
Okay, this was going too far. It left her lips before she could help it, "that's my own goddamn car, you wanker!". Maybe it was time to stop borrowing insults from Tom.
Ada could almost hear how his jaw clenched when she felt Sy's whole body tense up against hers. "Call her a whore one more time and you're gonna wish she had run you over instead."
This was escalating. Ada bit her lower lip. She was going to have to be the bigger person here. "Look, I'll just go grab my phone from the car and call the police. They'll deal with this." Ada announced, dislodging herself from Sy’s grip before turning around to get to her car.
Her hand had just wrapped around the car door handle when there was a clouting noise, quickly followed by a loud thump, this time. Ada immediately turned around at the sound. The angry driver was out cold on the ground, blood rushing out of his nose and forehead, with Sy looking down at him, the same blood tainting his fist.
"Oh shit!"
°°°
A lanky guy, smelling heavily of pot, was thrown inside the almost full holding cell by the same officer who had arrested him. Sy was amused at the sight until the guy, after a full survey of the room, started walking him up to him before sitting down on the bench far too close for his liking.
Exhaling through his nose, Sy tried ignoring the smell and closed his eyes again. He didn’t expect the nap he had been looking forward to, to be in a stinky cell with stinky men but it would have to make do. At least, after the man sitting closest to the entrance had commented on the leftover pink glitter that still shone in Sy’s beard, nobody had bothered him anymore – not after he quite literally made the man piss himself with just one stare. That man wouldn’t have survived a single day in Baqubah.
"It's cramped in here," the new guy commented nonchalantly though his eyes were fixed on Sy. Out of politeness - damn Ada and her insistence on good manners! - Sy acknowledged his useless statement with a noncommittal hum.
"Name's Ben, by the way," he said, stretching out of his hand but Sy didn’t move a muscle. What was it in his current posture - crossed arms and spread legs - that made him appear friendly enough for a chat, he wondered, rolling his eyes behind his closed eyelids.
"And you are...?"
Sy groaned out loud time. "Not interested."
Ben didn’t get the hint and proceeded to ramble off about how he got caught selling pot near the university. Sy was actively working on drowning out his voice when the sound of fast and angry clicking heels on the concrete floor caught his attention. He smiled. Ada. Apparently, she hadn’t changed and was still dressed for date night, wearing a dress and stilettos, even though they had only meant to go bowling and eat at a steakhouse.
Somehow, everyone in the holding cell must have been intrigued by the same sound because all conversation suddenly stopped, the men all hoping to eavesdrop.
"I am here for Syverson. I wish to talk to him."
"Ma'am, I apologize but we are not allowed to let him out of his cell."
"Not a problem. Just give me the keys and I'll let him out myself!"
Every person in the holding cell laugh with Sy grinning quietly, amused at how she sounded distinctively more foreign when she was mad. He was used to her accent in more intimate settings, but he was enjoying the sound of it during her current outburst which was followed by an uninterrupted string of curse words and insults alike, all coming from her delicate mouth. First, in English, then French. Spanish. Portuguese. Italian. Sy frowned at the last one, he didn’t recognize it. Was it German? He'd have to ask her.
"What a woman, huh," the guy next to him deadpanned, still not giving up on a conversation.
Silence fell again as everyone attempted to listen to the rest. “I swear to God I’ll hang your heads up in my living room if –“
Sy only huffed, leaning back against the cold wall. "You can't even begin to imagine."
"You know her?" The pothead quipped up.
"Yeah," Sy replied. "She’s my wife." He said it loud enough to make sure everyone was able to hear it.
“Oh,” came the nasal voice next to him just as they heard heavy, resigned footsteps become louder.
A different policeman stopped just behind the door, a colleague just behind him as he fished out the right key from his pocket. “Syverson,” he called out loudly. “There’s a woman here for you.”
Sy got up at once, unable to hide his smug smirk. Ada always got her way.
°°°
“What the fuck were you thinking, Sy?!” His wife blurted out as soon as she was let inside the interview room, the young officer locking the door from the outside. Then, turning around, she caught sight of her husband handcuffed to the table and her shoulders instantly slacked, her anger vanishing almost instantly. “What you did was disproportionate,” she sighed, her voice calmer as she took a seat in front of him, the cold iron table separating them.
"He called you a whore, I just punched him!" Sy protested, leaning back on the chair. "My response was disproportionate - disproportionately small."
"You knocked him out cold!" Ada reminded him, her voice pitching higher than usual but the only response she got from Sy was a smug grin. "He might press charges, you know. It's battery."
Sy rolled his eyes, sitting up straight. "He’s an asshole."
Now, it was her turn to roll her eyes although she knew he hated it when she did that. She took a deep breath, hoping to calm down. Sy was looking entirely unbothered, but she was freaking out at the situation. "I'll try to convince him not to press charges and offer to cover the medical bill on top of the car repairs in return."
"Medical bill?" Sy asked, cocking his eyebrow.
"Yes. After the police took you into custody, he was brought to the hospital. From what I heard, he has a broken nose, needed stitches on his forehead and got a concussion." Sy only huffed with a smirk. "This is not funny, Syverson!"
"It wasn't funny when he called you a whore either," Sy countered. He was right. It was also very pleasant to see that dickhead in pain, but she wouldn’t tell him that.
"Look, my friend, Gale, who's a lawyer, is on her way. I'll get you out of here tonight. He’ll either agree to drop the charges or I’ll bail you out."
The corners of his lips twitched. He moved his hands as much as the chain allowed, to grab hers and squeeze them in his large ones. "Are you worried about me, darlin'?"
What a teasing little shit he could be! Of course, she was worried about him! He was in a cell! Feigning innocence, Ada smiled, running her thumbs over the back of his hands. "I am not. However, seeing what you did to that prick just got me really horny and I would like to have you back in my bed tonight," she whispered, watching as her husband’s smug grin slowly disappeared as she got up and grabbed her purse, heading to the door.
"You better get me out of here quickly!" Sy called after her.
°°°
He was returned to the holding cell, the officer uncuffing his wrists again once the bars closed behind him. There were two new faces, but he also recognized that at least three men had left already. Unfortunately, pothead was still there.
“I saved you your spot,” Ben smiled wildly, gesturing at the vacant portion of the bench next to him. “The guy in the red shirt was going to sit here but I told him it was occupied.”
Sy merely hummed, taking the seat that had so generously been saved for him. Hopefully Ada would get him out quickly because he didn’t know how much longer he could deal with his chatty neighbour.
“Was she mad?” Ben asked, whispering loudly and defeating the entire purpose of a whisper in the first place. “Did she yell at you?”
Despite his closed eyes, Sy could feel Ben’s stare on him as he awaited an answer. “No.”
Ben nodded thoughtfully, shaking the uneven bench as he did so. “If we go to prison, I want to share a cell with you.”
If Ada didn’t get him out of there quickly, he was soon going to get charged for battery again.
°°°
Sy stood by the counter, his attention on the ugly Christmas decorations he hadn’t noticed when they brought him in hours earlier. Somehow, he had managed to forget all about it. And fuck, he still needed to get Ada a present!  
“Here are your things,” the young officer told him as he slid over a transparent plastic bag.
With a curt nod, Sy ripped it open and fetched his wedding band first, before looking for his wallet and belt. He was already heading to the door when he turned around at the last minute. “Did Mrs. Syverson post my bail?”
“No, the charges were dropped.”
Huffing with amusement and a hint of pride, Sy zipped up his coat and headed to the front door. He swiftly descended the stairs in front of the precinct, his face illuminating at the sight of her. She was still wearing the black dress and the fancy shoes, her makeup now lightly smudged around her eyes.
As soon as he was close enough, his hands moved to Ada's waist and he leaned down to kiss her, only for her to pull away at his touch. "Not so fast, big guy," she teased, a glint in her eyes as she grabbed something out of her coat pocket he couldn't yet identify. "You're still in trouble."
Sy threw back his head, his laugh booming through the night sky as he finally saw what she was holding up in front of him. Handcuffs, and not the fluffy ones either.
"Now gimme your hands," Ada demanded, making him cock his brow at her authoritative tone.
With a chuckle he obeyed, presenting her his hands. "Yes, ma'am."
Sy watched keenly as she fumbled with the cuffs to get them around his wrists, and then seized the right opportunity to take the upper hand, easily taking the cuffs away from her small hands.
With a shriek, Ada found herself bent over the black hood of her own car, her cheek pressed up against the slick surface and her husband's body pressed up against hers. She could hear the smirk in his voice when he spoke. "Mrs. Syverson, you're under arrest for unlawful teasing back in the questioning room." Ada scoffed, the sound weakened by his heavy weight on top of her. "You have the right to remain silent. Everything you do say can and will be held against you in-"
"Your dick!" Ada suddenly blurted out, a little too loud given where they were, and Sy immediately stopped, clearly surprised, but she quickly felt him laugh against her back.
Before she could join him, Sy smacked her ass, effectively silencing her. "Guess I'll have to fuck that attitude out of you," he grunted before pulling away and fastening the cuffs around her wrists.
Ada kept complaining as he carefully dragged her inside the car. Despite her struggling, Sy easily opened the right backdoor and threw her on the backseat, mindful to fasten her seatbelt before closing the door. Her eyes widened and her mouth went agape when Sy sat down behind the steering wheel and proceeded to push back the driver’s seat and readjust all the mirrors.
“Are you shitting me?” She exclaimed, leaning forward on her seat as much as the belt would allow. He was messing up with all her settings and the grin on her face made it very clear that he was doing it all on purpose just to get her riled up.
“Language, darlin’,” he chided, turning on the engine. “Didn’t you ask me to drive earlier, anyway?”
Ada groaned in response, shutting her eyes tightly before opening them again. “You know very well that was-“
Sy didn’t let her finish, the tires squealing on the tar as he sped out of the parking lot all too fast. Ada involuntarily cringed at the noise. “I’ll make you pay for this!”
“We’ll see, kitten. We’ll see.” He was entertaining by her determination even though her eyes were already closing.
As expected, Ada fell asleep within five minutes despite the handcuffs keeping her arms in an uncomfortable position. Her head lolled before it finally came to rest against the window. He watched her though the central mirror, an adoring look in his blue eyes as she sighed contently the very moment she had fallen asleep. While he had managed to rest while in the cell, though not as much as he had hoped, he knew Ada had been up all afternoon trying to sort everything out and get him out. Sy had noticed her exhaustion as soon as she started fumbling with the handcuffs, her movements uncharacteristically clumsy.
He stopped at a junk food drive thru on their way home – night had already fallen and he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. He doubted she had either. Her eyes didn’t even flutter under the bright neon lights and once he parked the car on their driveway and went to carry her inside along with their food, after undoing the cuffs, her body was completely limp in his arms. It was only when he accidentally let her shoulder hit the doorframe as he tried to lead them inside their bedroom, that she woke up again. “Ouch!”
“Sorry,” Sy murmured and kissed her forehead before laying her down on the bed and setting down the bag on the mattress next to her. Her nose wrinkled as she sniffed the air even as he helped her out of her coat and dress, and then the shoes. “Did you get us food?”
“Tenders and fries.”
Within an instant, she had ripped the bag open and was clutching the bucket of chicken to her chest, moaning as soon as she took a bite. He smiled knowingly at her– she had been hungry after all.
Hurriedly, Sy took off his clothes and slid in bed behind his wife, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer to him. They hadn’t slept together the previous night as they babysat the kids and he had missed the feel of her soft body against his. A content hum escaped him as his already partially hard cock nestled against the roundness of her ass.
Ada chuckled at his reaction, the vibrations of her body sending sparks of pleasure to his growing erection. “I have an idea,” she whispered, her voice becoming seductive again as she started rubbing herself against him.
Sy groaned deeply and tightened his grip on her waist, forcing her to still even though he was no longer sure for what he now hungered more; food or his wife. “We’re both hungry and exhausted,” he reasoned with her, his fingers moving some hair away from her neck so that he could kiss her there.
“Let me,” she insisted, a grin audible in her voice. Her hands disappeared under the bedsheets and she slid off her panties before retaking her initial position as the little spoon. Behind her, Sy groaned as her delicate fingers took hold of his cock, giving it a few pumps before guiding him inside her warmth. He muffled a soft moan against neck at the snug feeling of tight her walls, his arm tightening around her again. She let out a quiet gasp at the stretch, it hurt a little despite her still being sufficiently wet from when he had pushed her against the hood of the car. But once he was fully inside, Ada sighed at the pleasure of being again. “Now we can eat.”
°°°
There are two more chapters to go! Next chapter will include Christmas tree decorating. I am running behind on schedule so I cannot guarantee the last chapter will be posted by Christmas but I’ll do my best.
°°°
@colourmeinblue​ @hail-horror-queen​ @youthought-iwasa-nicegirl​ @kmuir1​ @madbaddic7ed​ @coffeebreathy​ @purplelove75​ @summersong69​ @helenaellie​
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dangan-meme-palace · 4 years ago
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Kaede had so much potential to be a great protagonist. The first thing that really got me invested on her is that she is flawed and she recognizes that and tries to do better unlike SOME people. I relly liked that instead of pretending she didn't do anything wrong, Kaede owned up to her mistake and apolagized to everyone. I think she would have been a great influence on the others characters, especially on Shuichi and maybe even on Maki helping them slowly improve wo forcing them like Kaito
Oh boy this is gonna be my least popular take ever haha
I don't agree but I don't disagree?
It's not like she'd be worse or whatever, but I don't think that she would be the amazing, show-stopping protagonist that everyone hypes her up to be either, and that she would be better off dead as horrible as that sounds.
I understand that Shuichi went downhill after Chapter 1 and was a major disappointment because of his whole character arc with Kaito that made him dumb and never learn a single lesson but I dont feel as though Kaede would do any better or that Kaede would have been able to escape the writers' wrath if she had been intended to live.
Basically there are two or three major problems with Kaede becoming a full-time protagonist instead of dying:
She has limited room to develop because she only has two major traits (being pushy and believing in people) to work with, traits that don't work well with the established writing style of dragging things out for way too long, and if the second problem was avoided then she would have had to develop into a different character entirely which I doubt fans would have been happy with.
Also if she didn't become the blackened and have that moral greyness going for her and if she hadn't gone against her own philosophy of "we won't kill each other" in such a cool, satisfying way I would have literally 0 reason to be interested in her, personally. Not a huge problem for most, but for me it's critical to my enjoyment of her character.
Anyway, the first and second problem are problems that stem from the writers. Kaede as we know her wasn't made with the idea of having her live for a long time, so having traits to develop for a long time just wasn't important to making her and I promise you that it would Show if she had survived.
The V3 writing team really loved to stretch out Shuichi's flaw of not having confidence, to the point where even when he gained confidence and learned a lesson in one chapter he would lose it and forget the lesson in the next just for the sake of stretching out his arc, making him seem inconsistent and lowering his overall quality, and I guarantee if Kaede had been left alive they would've done the same thing to her. This is incredibly Bad News not just because she would be as grating as Shuichi, but because her flaws Need to be Solidly worked on and can't be waffled around like Shuichi's.
Kaede's specific flaw of being very stubborn would have to be stretched out, you see, so that moment you liked where Kaede owned up to her shit? She would immediately go back on her word and clash with the group again in a long, tedious cycle throughout the game just like Shuichi. This is awful because Shuichi's flaw was never something he needed to be sorry for, it's not something that affected other people, but Kaede's flaw would definitely affect the group because that's what it does inherently and that's what it Did in the game.
What good is an apology to someone if you keep doing the thing you said you wouldn't do? But that's how things would have to be if she were the protagonist because the writers were obsessed with it even though it was ruining Shuichi.
Personally speaking, if Kaede had apologized for negatively affecting the group only to keep doing the thing that negatively affected the group over and over again I would have hated her. It's just not satisfying to watch a character continuously fuck up and never truly learn their lesson despite how glaringly obvious it is that they need to work on their shit for the sake of the people around them. It's the reason I hated Kaito's character and it would be the reason I'd hate Kaede.
Especially because of what is the most probable source of her stubborn clashing with the cast, her Only Other Trait: her stubborn belief that no one would kill each other during the killing game. Oh my god it would be a nightmare, I'm telling you.
If we keep having her believe in everyone despite the obvious, effectively making her as braindead as Kaito—
And let me just say that we really don't need another Kaito, especially when the cast eventually starts acting just like him, we need the opposite of Kaito, like Maki in Chapter 1 or Kokichi or Rantaro.
— then it would be really disappointing because having Kaede become Kaito 2.0 would make no sense. It didn't make sense when Kaito did it and it wouldn't make any sense for Kaede to do it either. In fact it might be worse.
Kaito is a big dumbass, so at the very least we would expect him to be dumb, but Kaede is actually somewhat intelligent (despite falling for the despair road trap like a looney toons character) so seeing her keep denying the situation and all common sense, making her seem dumber and dumber, would be so frustrating to see.
And if she didn't do that, if she accepted the reality that her belief in people turned out to be wrong as the bodies kept piling up, I think she would become an entirely different character with a much more hopeless arc, and unfortunately this would be more realistic than the previous option.
It's literally the only logical conclusion to her No, We Won't Kill mentality because it would be proven to her Over and Over again through each chapter that Yes, They Will Kill and it would have to wear her down eventually because unlike Kaito, Kaede actually has a fucking brain and can't deny the reality and the situation forever, unless the writers made her as dumb as a rock as with the previous hypothetical, which I really wouldn't forgive them for.
This isn't even me just making it up either, it happens in the canon story when Monokuma gives out the first motive and Kaede yells something about no one killing each other with a nervous face and Monokuma says that he doesn't need her Lies, meaning she was already doubting everyone. If it was already getting to her Before the murders, she would have gotten so much worse after the bodies started hitting the floor and that would lead to development, just not anything positive.
The only way for her established character to realistically play out would be for Kaede to have a character arc about learning to Not believe in people, which would change her character entirely (because her whole character is about believing in people and forcing them to cooperate with each other) and also just be super depressing. At least Shuichi's poorly written arc ended on a hopeful note, meanwhile Kaede would have to learn to doubt and distrust others.
So even if she had lived, she would end up becoming a different character than the Kaede fans fell in love with and end up becoming as dissatisfying as Shuichi (although in a different way) unless you're really into depressing stories about characters losing faith in others, in which case it would be great, for all five of you.
If you're not fully convinced that this would change her character (in a debatably horrible way), imagine Kaito going through the same arc as the one above– it's hard to imagine, right? Because the concept of believing in people is thoroughly baked into his character to the point that to change it would mean to make him a completely different person and scrap his old personality unsatisfactorily.
All of this to say:
I don't think that Kaede would have been any better off as a protagonist than Shuichi was. She was written into a futile corner since the moment she was conceived by the writing team and she was better off dead, if only for the fact that she was saved from the writers by dying off too quickly for them to ruin her.
At least if she's dead I can have good memories of her character and think of my own ideas for her, y'know? If they ruin her, she's ruined for good and we can't go back.
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littlepurinsesu · 5 years ago
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V Watches MagiReco - Episode 13 Review
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*Spoilers for Magia Record Anime Episode 13*
(This review will focus on Episode 13 only. I will be writing a separate review for the anime season as a whole!)
I have so many mixed feelings about this episode that I honestly don’t even know where to start LOL xD There are some parts that I hated and some that I loved, and so many reactions ranging from “WTH WAS THAT?!?” to “UH OKAY...” to “OMG YASSSSS!!!!!”
I’ll going to try my best to unpack my thoughts as coherently as possible, but this review will probably still end up being the most incoherent of them all because of all my mixed feelings for all the changes the anime made xD
To start, Mifuyu is definitely more antagonistic in the anime compared to what I remember of her in the game lol. And honestly I feel cheated that they always seem to tease us with some kind of confrontation between Yachiyo and Mifuyu, but the latter always summons that giant moon and escapes before anything can happen. It’s honestly a little anti-climactic and a bit of a waste, what with all the tension they’ve been building between these two, but then again, it doesn’t really happen in the game, either, so I guess it’s not really the anime’s fault for not “delivering” haha :P
Alright, since I’m going in chronological order, may as well get the biggest disappointment out of the way first: Iroha and Yachiyo’s argument. I don’t think I can even begin to put into words how utterly disappointed I was with this part, seeing as it was one of the most crucial plot points in the game and definitely one of Iroha’s most shining moments. Firstly, the way Yachiyo revealed her wish lacked emotion and impact for me. The music didn’t even change, and there was no sense of this being the revelation of a huge secret/mystery that the story has kept under wraps all this time. At least they added a nice flashback sequence to show Yachiyo’s past and the reasoning behind her wish, rather than having it all just come out of her mouth verbally, so props to them for that, but I was still quite unimpressed with the way they went about this pivotal moments.
Next up in my complaints is the Rumour. I was so, so, so ready to see my girl Iroha finally standing up and holding her own in a battle, especially considering how weak she’s been portrayed throughout the past 12 episodes. I was expecting an intense fight with the Rumour--some struggle, some more determination, anything. But no, another case of what I call the “one-shot curse”. Iroha literally just ran up to the Rumour, aimed her arrow, shot, and BAM it’s gone. One of the most crucial battles in the story lasted about 20 seconds in total (yes, I was so petty and pissed off that I went back and counted lmao), and the way Iroha suddenly “powered up” so drastically made no logical sense to me at all. We never even saw her gradually increase in power or fighting capability throughout the story so far. Heck, she’s hardly even done anything in the past battles, and suddenly she can one-shot a Rumour all by herself? How. Pray tell, how.
And the final major complaint that follows on from this chain of unhappy ranting: Iroha and Yachiyo solidifying their friendship. I did like the way the screen melted away to reveal Iroha standing in front of Yachiyo, almost like a mirror image. Sadly, that’s the only thing I liked about it LOL. Iroha getting angry at Yachiyo was such an important development and such a huge moment for our protagonist, but here it just... doesn’t happen? She’s still the same smiling and gentle Iroha we always knew. Which is nice and all, but in my opinion, we really needed to see kindhearted and soft-spoken Iroha truly snap. We needed to see Iroha speak up and tell Yachiyo to cut her bs and to declare herself the leader. And the way Yachiyo accepts so quickly and hardly even tries to put up an argument is just... I don’t even know what to say anymore apart from constantly question why they had to rush so many crucial moments, to the point where they had zero emotional impact. I often wonder if I’d still have these complaints if I didn’t play the game and have expectations of how I wanted/wished/expected certain things to be adapted. So I dunno, maybe I wouldn’t have a problem with these things at all if I went into the anime blind ^^;;
Oh, and another thing that made zero sense to me was how Iroha went from being perfectly normal to unable to walk or talk within the span of about two seconds. Logically, I get that she probably used up too much magic one-shot-ing that Rumour just before, but they could’ve at least had her show some signs of physical strain during her talk with Yachiyo so that the sudden transition of her physical state doesn’t feel so abrupt and out of nowhere. I guess this is a minor detail that I can let slide, but it just reminds the viewer again and again of the problems that come with rushing. And rushing for what? Well...
The second half of the episode is an obvious answer. They were clearly rushing these game-story moments to fill up the rest of the episode with anime-original content. And while I’m still bitter at what the cost was, I will ironically say that the second half of this week’s episode had some very pleasant and interesting surprises! (Apologies for all the salt and negativity so far ^^;; Finally, onto the positives!)
I’d been wondering for a while if we were going to meet Holy Mami this week, even though the anime had already established Mami as a member of the Wings of Magius earlier on. And I did genuinely like the way they portrayed Mami in this scene. She legitimately looks out of her mind at some points, and it’s clear that the truth about Magical Girls has taken a huge toll on her mentally. Her mini battle with Yachiyo was short but sweet, with lots of nice movements and imagery, especially this shot right here:
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The ribbon concealing her eyes and her Soul Gem (aka her soul and her actual self) is a really, really nice way of depicting that Mami is not really in her right state of mind, and that her current actions aren’t really her. I know a lot of fans didn’t like the brainwashing thing in the game, and even though it looks like they’re still keeping that in the anime (judging by Mami’s behaviour, she definitely seems brainwashed to me), at least they’re portraying it in a nice way. By the way, I applaud Yachiyo for being able to defend herself against Mami for so long with a whole person on her back xD
Sayaka was probably my favourite thing out of the entire episode. Again, like with Holy Mami, I was really hoping we’d get to see her this week ^^ I loved how her entrance parallels the way she saved Homura from Mami in Rebellion, and I’m sure hardcore fans will pick up on that before her identity is even revealed ;) Sayaka was never my favourite character out of the Holy Quintet (even though I still liked her a lot!), but oh my gosh she was amazing in this episode. I think it’s something to do with the cape? Maybe it’s the cape LOL but gosh she really did seem like a knight-in-shining-armour askjfha;sj (♥ω♥*)
And back to Mami... that part with her losing her mind (literally) after Sayaka shows up was creepy but also perfect. I like that she seemed to temporarily regain her sense of self when talking to Sayaka, but then just the talk of her guilt and shame and everything just comes back to haunt her again, and we see her succumb and lose herself once more. I didn’t think her transformation into Holy Mami would be portrayed in this way, but this is better than what I imagined. You actually get a sense of how painful the process is, and feel how much against her will it is to fall to a point where she’d hurt her friends and other innocent people. The whole idea is disturbing, but each time I think back on her reaction to finding out the truth in the original anime, this really doesn’t seem too far-fetched at all.
That entire battle between Mami and Sayaka/Yachiyo was kind of cool and kind of weird at the same time xD Honestly I can’t imagine Sayaka and Yachiyo to be able to run around freely with that many bullets flying all over the place, much less repel all of them, which Sayaka is shown doing at one point xD Iroha using her Doppel again is another thing that I didn’t really like, though. I just really don’t like how Iroha is always shown to be utterly useless fighting in her Magical Girl form and always has to end up relying on her Doppel to do anything. (Except for that previous battle with the Rumour that I discussed just before. Let’s not get me started on that again lmao.) But it’s nice to see Yachiyo using her Doppel as well (it looked really cool!), and I really liked that minor detail about how easy it is to lose yourself when using your Doppel. It’s not something we think much about when playing the game because of the game mechanics, so it’s always interesting to think about what the Doppels entail from a story perspective :) Anyway, despite some logical inconsistencies and Iroha resorting to her Doppel yet again, I did really enjoy this battle, and it definitely made up for the lackluster “battle” that we got with Iroha and the Rumour. We can really see where the budget went this week, huh xD
I also really loved how Touka literally just sits there sipping tea and ignores all the chaos happening around her. She shows no desire to help Mami or step in just in case something happens to her (since Mami’s on their side now and all), which, to me, really goes to show how purely cold-hearted Touka is. Or has become. (Shhh game spoilers xD)
And while we’re on the topic of Touka, I’m going to talk about how much I absolutely adored that final scene. It’s hard to visualise it while playing the game, so seeing the scale of the Wings of Magius was possibly frightening. We’ve always known that there are heaps of Feathers, but just seeing them all packed together in one big creepy dark hall, all cloaked and hooded, really goes to show the immense size of this cult. It’s not just some small club created by a few girls. The scale of this cult is insane. As for Touka’s speech? Inspirational. And I say that with full knowledge of the Magius’ crimes and wrongdoings. Honestly, with the way she speaks, I can’t imagine many Magical Girls being able to say no and walk away if they knew The Truth already. Touka is one amazing and charismatic speaker, and even though we’ve always known that she had to be to some extent to get so many Feathers, seeing it in action was truly a different experience. Terrifyingly persuasive and frighteningly charismatic, that child.
And that is why I applaud Rena. She’s able to stand among so fellow Magical Girls, listen to someone preach about salvation after literally just finding out the truth and learning about her own inevitable fate, not know of the dark side of the Magius, and still be able to walk away. Rena gained a new level of respect from me with that one simple decision, and I already loved her heaps before this. And Kaede really did join the Wings of Magius, huh :O We even got a shot of Kuroe! Welcome back (?), girl! xD
I quite liked how they showed the rest of Team Mikazuki joining in such a subtle way. It’s much more impactful to tease it like this rather than straight-up showing you the process of them joining right from the get-go. The way they end the season like this leaves a very haunting and unsettling feeling, especially considering that Iroha gets taken away from Yachiyo as well! Now that definitely wasn’t in the game!!! xD I was expecting the season to finish with Iroha and Yachiyo back at Mikazuki Villa alone and swearing to save the rest of the team, so this definitely came as a HUGE surprise to me. I’m really curious as to how they’re going to go about this change, as well as the change with Kaede joining up and the obvious Kuroe thing. (Btw Sayaka literally sweeping Yachiyo away like Prince Charming almost had me swooning LOL Sayaka was seriously SO COOL in this episode!)
And finally, we have Alina. I’m honestly still pissed off at how they handled her introduction, and wonder if anime-only fans can even tell that she’s a Magius and not just a Feather or some other kind of position (like Mifuyu), but I did enjoy the final scene of her. I think it makes it quite clear that Alina is going to be one of the Biggest Bosses, even among the antagonists, and the way she name-drops Walpurgisnacht was not what I expected but a pretty good decision, in retrospect. Anime-only fans will definitely feel that sense of familiarity they want just by hearing that name. Since this Witch is so iconic to the original anime and we probably won’t be seeing her until the very end of the next season, I think it was a nice idea to drop the name here to keep those anime-fans who expect lots of explicit PMMM references happy and hooked. In fact, the combination of Holy Mami and Sayaka’s appearance and the mention of Walpurgisnacht all in one episode makes me think they packed them all into the season finale to ensure that these anime-only PMMM fans will be back again for the next season (since us game players will almost definitely be back anyway haha xD).
Oh, and that ending song is so good! I loved “Alicia”, but this song was a really nice way to end the season and had a definite kind of “season finale” feel to it.
So yeah, that basically sums up my thoughts for this jam-packed episode xD Lots of stuff I feel could have been handled A LOT better, but also a lot of stuff that was absolutely amazing. The second half was significantly better than the first; that fight with Holy Mami and the ending with Touka and Alina were definitely the best parts.
I’ll be writing up another review post for the season as a whole and posting it separately, so I’ll end this one here and save my overall impressions for that one ^^ If you’ve read to the end, thanks so much for reading and I hope to see you there as well ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡
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englass · 5 years ago
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Threadbare
Pairing(s): John Seed x F! Reader/Deputy
Warning(s): A little bit of Possessive Behaviour near the end (when isn’t there in my fics haha)
Word Count: 9,101
A/N: Gonna use this opportunity to apologise to @starsandskies @softseeds and @seedlingsinner for not getting back to you on your ‘Last Line Meme’ tags, I’ve been working on this and didn’t want to risk spoiling anymore of it than I have 😅 Apologies again, lovelies! ❤️ Now, I hope you all enjoy this inconsistent mess;  I’m just glad that it’s finally over!
Also, side note: this is the final/original version of ‘A Moment In Time’ that I never thought that I’d finish, so... yeah, I actually finished it; oops? 😅
- - -
The room is quiet, save for the gentle rustle of fabric and your calm breathing, only ever holding when your concentration tightens or a loud sound catches your ear. It’s a risky move you’re making, being here of all places. All it would take is one slip up and any patrolling Peggies would come running. In your current position, rifle resting just out of comfortable reach against a nearby night stand and hand gun securely holstered to your thigh, the potential outcome could be precarious.
Still, such thoughts are far out of mind. If anything, for once, your mind is not plagued by the worries, fears and demands of the people. It is quiet, tranquil, filled with an occupied motion that lulls and eases. It is the most peace you have had since this whole debacle began; and secretly, unknowingly even to yourself, you take your sweet time and milk it for all it’s worth. An unconscious action deeply needed.
Every so often you take stock, pausing to look, only to end up staring at nothing in particular, around the room you hold court in. It’s a surprisingly large room and it is as gorgeous and telling as the man it belongs to: all high-class with expensive taste, yet subtly simple – modest in design and openly exquisite in every minute detail. Almost everything, save for the immaculate wooden furniture and feather-soft carpet, falls within the spectrum of blue. It creates an oceanic space filled with a deep and enriching sense of stillness and liberation, emulating the ebb and rise of a tempered wave.
It’s an absent wonder why sloth is visualised as the coercing colour.
You shift slightly, readjusting your position as you turn back to the article of clothing in your lap, eyes layered with an embedded fatigue not aimed at anything in particular. The glaze is misleading, your movements speaking not of a tired body. Instead, they are easily measured with a humble confidence, working at a steady pace with a precise and focused concentration, all benign.
There is an edge of paranoia, sharp and teetering like the point of a knife. It fuels the anvil-heavy weight on your shoulders, makes it hard to breathe even the shallowest of breaths. Worry gnaws at your edges alongside its cutting twin. ‘What ifs’ are a dangerous line of thought, yet even with an empty mind it turns in the background, twisting and coiling like a viper as worry and paranoia feed and pamper it.
The stress of the situation – the position you’ve been made to hold, a final bastion in a red-dyed field – has left a very real and scarring impression upon you. A bitter taste you can’t wash out.
It’s why you draw out your time with a self-imposed task that could be over within a matter of seconds. You drown yourself in an old action and memory, away from the war you have been made charge of.
It actually makes for quite an interesting scene.
Away from the tragedy of a civil war and the reluctant role you play in it, in the confines of a grand modern home, one would see the image of domesticity. A young woman sat on a satin quilted bed, expression relaxed and eyes tinged with oblivion as they lose themselves in a rhythmic motion, effortlessly mending a piece of male attire with a needle and thread in hand. A simple kit that the young lady wields with a conviction that rivals that of a knight and his sword.
Yes, quite a scene it makes.
Admittedly breaking into the infamous Seed Ranch wasn’t the best place to host such an image, despite how well you fit into the frame (obscenely so), but it wasn’t your idea to come here in the first place. No, the Resistance has a way of... puppeteering you. Not that you would ever openly admit to such a thing.
Thankfully you have it on good authority – ‘it better be on good authority’, you had snarled, before stalking out of the door of the outpost you had been visiting – that the youngest Seed would be away for the day. Overseeing another load of confessions and such, you had no doubt. It would be the perfect opportunity to take the ranch for the Resistance; loot the cave while the dragon is away, so to speak. Perhaps that’s why, along with the decrease in guard numbers, you had somewhat made yourself at home, taking your time to slowly wander the grand ranch and really take it all in; all in its full and undisturbed splendour.
Arguably you could do so once it was under the Resistance’s control, it would be a lot easier and less stressful to do so then, but you are not naive enough to believe that they won’t change anything once it’s theirs. No, it’s better to see it as it’s intended to be, before that travesty occurs.
Yet, despite your initial wanderings into the many, many rooms around the ranch, it was John Seed’s bedroom – of all places – that had caught your eye. It is why you are currently perched contently on the man’s king sized bed as you tend absently to one of his shirts.
It’s truly silly when you think about it, it’s just a shirt after all, but it turns out that sewing your younger sibling’s toys and clothing growing up has ultimately left a very lasting impression upon you. You had found solace in the action growing up and you still felt it now, more so than ever with the violent turn your life has taken, and you wanted nothing more than a brief moment to try and capture that same tranquility once again.
Although, in all honesty, even you know that you’re not potentially endangering yourself like this for a reason so small and seemingly petty.
With your modest sewing kit on the night-table next to you, and the faintest whisper of the birds songs outside, you pause to look over your work. It’s not turned out too bad, it won’t be the worst you’ve ever done, but not the best either. Not that you believe for a second that John would actually appreciate the gesture, no matter how perfect it turned out.
John Seed, though mainly known for his slippery lawyer ways and role within the infamous Eden’s Gate, was a very rich man. His life before Eden’s Gate, before being reunited with his lost siblings, had him as a rather successful property attorney from what you’ve heard, and it’s from that life and accumulated wealth that’s allowed the project to get as large and domineering as it has done.
It’s also allowed him to lavish himself in some of the most luxurious, and most audaciously expensive, brands that you’ve never heard off. Not only was he good looking, tall and slim with a lean frame painted with tattoos and gifted with a pretty face home to a devilish smile, but he dressed impeccably well.
It was near impossible to not initially swoon at such a charming character, but sadly he was a bit of an open book. The exterior may be exquisite, utterly unique and persuasive in how it draws you in, but it’s too easy to read and you find it’s pages to be littered with an underlying venom and rage; a bitterness that may be understandable, but hardly justifiable.
It was actually quite sad when you chose to sit down and actually think about the man and his siblings, to sit down and try to read them as best as you could. Each of them were broken in their own ways, left in disrepair, from the lives they had lived. You had even gone so far as to read Joseph’s physical book, the bible by which Eden’s Gate knelt before, to see if it could tell you more. The question of how they became – how you know them to be – a guiding hand as you flicked through the yellowing pages and over painful words.
Theirs was truly a sad story.
Still, you know it is no excuse for what they have done, or what they continue to do; and yet there is a part of you that, secretly, knows that you do this simple gesture for more of a reason than out of habit or past influence. It’s a simple but nice gesture and, although you don’t feel like it’ll be appreciated, you’re sure it’s something that they – John in-particular and especially so – have never been given before. At least not willingly.
If anything, with how rich John is, you wouldn’t be surprised if he just brought a new shirt from an equally fancy, if not tear-inducingly expensive, brand without even batting an eye. That’s if he didn’t get it custom made. You’re pretty sure your average store doesn’t sell plane printed jackets and Eden’s Gate belt buckles after all.
Even so there’s no need to waste money, even if he can burn it and still be well off, when you can just as easily fix it. Besides, it’s actually a really nice shirt. Even with its predictable colouring.
Despite all the terrible things the man has done, and will no doubt continue to do, you can’t help the small smile that blooms across your lips. The knowledge that the Baptist, the dreaded Reaper, of Eden’s Gate has a favourite colour and is so shameless in embracing it is strangely humanising to you; and also surprisingly sobering.
At a leisurely pace, mind now hollow with an echoing sorrow, you pierce the fabric and loop the needle through the gap between the strand of thread and pull, creating a knot. You do this a second time, creating another knot to make sure it stays, before you reach for the small scissors in the kit beside you, cutting the remaining thread loose.
With a soft touch you run your finger over the fabric, silently marvelling at its heavenly texture as you thoughtfully look over your finished work. The thread you’ve used isn’t as high quality as the shirt itself is made out of, a fact that actually irritates you, but it’s the best that you own and you find yourself sighing in resignation; leaving it be.
Yes, it’ll have to do.
With a lingering gaze you start to slowly turn the shirt back to being inside-in, taking your time to enjoy the quiet that’s fallen over you. It’s only as you go to straighten the shirt, holding it out in front of you and giving it a final, critical look-over, that the silence breaks and you’re startled out of your revere.
Looking toward the bedroom’s door with wide doe-eyes you are shocked to see none other than the Baptist, John Seed, himself standing at the threshold. Eyes equally as wide, but much more bemused than your own, staring at you as you internally curse your luck with a tensing jaw.
He isn’t supposed to be here...
“You know, I must admit, Deputy,” he drawls with an intriguing lilt, ocean eyes dragging over you as he leans his lithe form against the door frame with crossed arms, completely at ease despite the situation, “I never pegged you for a housewife. It makes for quite an... interesting image. Did you also happen to cook me a meal and do the laundry by chance, darling?”
His smile is mocking, sharp and cruelly delighted, and it has you flushing in a mixture of shame and restrained anger. The fact that you’ve been caught in such a position puts a nasty dent in your pride. You know how this looks: the fearsome Deputy, poster child and head of the rising Resistance, sewing; and not just sewing, but sewing the damned enemy’s – a man on your given blacklist – shirt of all things.
It’s a colossal embarrassment.
You’re also aware of what this could do to your reputation if this got out and you don’t need John Seed, the smuggest bastard around, to gloat over that. Nor do you want him making smart quips that you know he’s more than likely going to constantly torment you with now over the radio for everyone else to hear.
Life’s a living hell at the moment as it, and you don’t need something like that being added to the proverbial pile. The humiliation would kill you quicker than a piece of shrapnel from a plane crash.
“Oh shut up,” you snip, “like I’d do you the honour; and if anyone makes for an interesting image around here it’s you, unexpected as you are,” you sass lowly. “Honestly, when are you going to do us all a favour and just fuck off. Maybe you should go and play with that little toy collection of yours like a good little brother instead of harassing all of us, now that would be an interesting image.”
It’s hardly even a half-baked comeback you give him, your bite a mere brush of teeth, yet it’s still enough for his expression to turn into something testing. A tick in his jaw as his icy eyes pierce you like a needle, pinching and uncomfortable; attention grabbing in the worst way possible.
The look is near enough water off a duck’s back. If you’ve come to learn anything from your few, but nonetheless taxing interactions with the man, it's that he won’t take the risk of action unless he’s a hundred percent certain that he has you right where he wants you; where you can’t or won’t fight back.
He wants things, people and confessions alike, handed to him on a gem encrusted platter. Given to him so he can play his twisted little games and break all his new and precious little toys. Always pushing past limits and breaking you down until you can do anything else, but give him exactly what he wants. Spoiled brat.
Perhaps John isn’t as absolved of his sin, carved into his chest like a fatal warning, as he thinks he is.
Closing his eyes John kisses his teeth with a restrained annoyance that is difficult to miss. For all his talk of wrath, and how well you embody it, he puts you to shame in how well it suits him, wearing it like a second skin and parading it like a model wrapped in Prada.
“As much as I’d love to spend my free time doing things that don’t concern you or your petty Resistance, it’s a bit too late for that now, isn’t it dearest,” he hits back with a chilled, but airy quality. “After all, you’ve made yourself quite a fixture in my life as it is, and I don’t believe for a second that you’d actually want out of that.” There’s a hint of something knowing in his words that doesn’t sit right with you. “And in case you haven’t noticed, but this is my home that you’re trespassing in. I’m pretty sure you’re breaking the law actually; you hardly have a warrant after all, Deputy,” he bites, cruel and vile and so self-satisfied.
For a brief moment the twins of worry and paranoia raise their heads with salivating jaws, itching like an infection to tear into you as you suddenly start to fret over John’s motives for this back and forth; along with the simmering anger that lurks beneath the water.
The anticipation of what his next rage fuelled actions could be is rattling. You can’t tell if he’s going to laugh this all off like some sort of bad joke or straight up lunge at you with the likes of a wild animal by the end of this. He can be rather unpredictable, and it’s that unpredictability that makes him so feared throughout the Valley. It’s what makes him so dangerous.
Yet it seems you can do nothing but poke the bear lately, your own frustrations and stresses giving you a false and reckless bravado. Albeit with a soft and unthreatening tone.
“And do I look like I care? We’re at war John, I’m pretty sure anything goes; your methods have already proven that. Now, are there any other normal past-times that you want to mock me for while I’m here, or am I free to go?”
Internally you wince. That came out a lot more defeated than you intended it to be. Still, you hope he at least concedes on this petty back and forth of yours and actually lets you leave–
“I’d hardly call your level of wanton wrath ‘normal’, Deputy. Tell me, what is your total body count at the moment? How many innocent lives have you gorged yourself on in order to fuel that gluttonous soul of yours, until it’s satisfied with the carnage you leave in your wake? Don’t worry though, you’re in safe hands. I’ll be sure to give your soul a good scrubbing once I get you in my chair. Starve it out of you until you bleed across my floor...”
You don’t say anything, merely roll your eyes and gently shake your head at the flip in attitude, continuing to look and touch up the shirt in your tender hold. He’s likely lost in his own warped thoughts if the way he stares through you for moment is any consolation. However, even lost in thought, you’ve found that John is not one to keep quiet for long, and he quickly proves that notion right.
“You know,” he says suddenly, conversationally; tip of his tongue wetting his lips as he looks for all the world like he just discovered the weight of gold, “if you wanted to confess to me you could of just called. Really, you needn’t go through all this trouble just to make my life easier, darling. I could have set up a welcome party and everything for you. Pulled out the red carpet, set it all up and made it all nice and perfect, for you... just for you, Deputy.”
It doesn’t make sense to you how he can warp what strangely sounds like the most sweetest and innocent of words into something so filthy, sinful and ultimately twisted; as if whispered around a forked tongue made of false promises and sugared venom. He’s an expert at his craft, you’d give him that. Sadly though you can’t help but skim over your absent companions playful jabs and blasé observations with a newfound air of caution.
The beast of worry looks at you with a telling, razored grin.
“... Flattered,” you drawl warily.
For such a simple and plain response you don’t feel that his boyish grin – filled with an emotion that is so foreign on the sadistic and calculating man that you feel the lazy shift of fear beside the intent prickle of paranoia and worry; something self satisfying and grateful and speckled with awe – is justified.
Like the flippancy of the wind John’s expression shifts, fluidly, into an emotion akin to a played up indignation. He sharply huffs through his nose.
“You should be. I make so many exceptions for you my dear and you do nothing but repay my kindness with more bloodshed. It’s rather rude of you in fact.”
“To be fair,” you cut in with a tired glower, careful with were you step in this game of twister, “your kindness leaves much to be desired. It’s not like anything I’ve ever seen, so forgive me for misconstruing your intentions.” It’s said with the most blatant sarcasm, dripping thickly like molten tar, and yet John lights up like a town on the eve of Christmas. The remains of his coiled agitation shifting into an unwarranted giddiness.
Good Lord, you’ve not even spent five minutes with this man and already you’ve got a killer headache.
“Oh? Should I learn by your example then, my dear Deputy? From this... quaint little gesture of yours, hmm?” He’s eyes hungrily roam over your lap, no doubt acutely aware of the way your thumb has comfortingly been brushing over the silken fabric of his shirt. “Not to say I don’t appreciate it mind you.”
You can’t stop the roll of your eyes nor  the huff that accompanies it. “Trust me, John, there’s no gesture here.”
He makes a sound in his throat, chimed with a badly contained mirth. Slightly, barely visible from your perch on his bed, he leans forward with something almost predatory in those sea-deep eyes of his. “Then what’s that in your lap?”
You turn to hold his gaze, icy and sharp with a smugness that screams of a known victory. He’s got you there. Your teeth grind into each other as you will for a retort to come to mind, but nothing does. With a heavy exhale through your nose you turn to the ceiling and pray for the strength to survive this ordeal.
Not that you’re completely confident that you will. With a swift flare of frustration one of your hands shoots up, palm facing skyward, in a half-arsed admission. “I don’t know. I don’t know, okay, I was just trying to be nice I guess.”
“Nice? You?” John barks mockingly, “Oh don’t make me laugh, Deputy. You’re a killer; there’s not an ounce of mercy in that tainted soul of yours. After all,” There’s a humourless chuckle, a glint of something vicious in his sea-deep eyes, “what ever happened to serve and protect?”
The look you throw him is completely disbelieving, practically aghast from insult, but there’s also a familiar rage resting within the glaring pools of your eyes that John knows rather well. Truthfully, it’s not something he’s ever seen in you before, more a muted irritation than straight up fury, and it thrills him something fierce to see it threatening to come into full bloom.
Conflict has never been in your veins. You came from a quiet and career driven family, to the point where your parents were hardly ever around. Arguments were rare, and if they did happen they never lasted long. You didn’t have the courage, nor stomach, for such things; and despite how much this County has twisted your placid instincts into something sharper, more aggressive and impatient, some things will just never change.
Lips in a tight line, brow furrowed and eyes ablaze in a dirty glare, you look away from him; down to your lap then across to your resting rifle. He’s not wrong, and ultimately that hurts worse than anything physical that he could very well do to you. The battle of your morals – your conscious – against your duty, against the pedestal that everyone has hoisted you up onto like some sort of savour – another Joseph almost – , is a constant one.
“Then what does that make you?” You ask quietly, something cruel lurking beneath the surface of your own waters. “What makes what you do so good, so much better and different than everyone else? Because you believe your brother, because he believes he talks to God?” There’s a huff of a laugh, a mocking condescension hissing with fangs bared, “don’t make me laugh, Inquisitor.”
John’s away from the door frame before you can even blink, a warning shift that tells you that this is no longer a strained, but casual banter between enemies. There’s a familiar glare in his eyes, dark and treacherous like the deepest waters and daring you to get a little closer, to swim a little deeper; to say another word against his brother.
Despite your writhing worry at the sudden tension in the air, twisting and flailing and coiling, you take a deep breath, let it suffocate you a moment too long, and then let it go. Tracing the lines and scratches on your rifle as your shaking anger lessens into a quiet ache. You’ve never been able to maintain it for long; you’re just glad that it no longer makes you break down crying anymore.
John on the other hand...
“Joseph,” he starts, voice so tight that it trembles, “wants to save people.”
“And you don’t?”
There’s a pause; a subtle shift.
You watch as John’s jaw gets tight, his head tilting the slightest amount to look down his nose at you; arms crossing over his chest in a defensive gesture as he leans back against the door frame again; a faux display of casualness.
It’s all the answer you need.
Slowly you nod your head, an acknowledgment even though you needn’t give one. A murmured ‘right’ scoffed under your breath. In all honesty you didn’t expect him to be so (indirectly) honest with you. In a way you can very much respect that, appreciate it even, but in another it only has the beast of worry grinning hauntingly at you; a new dread crawling up from the deep. It’s twin sewn from paranoia slinking up beside it with an equally telling flash of teeth.
Surely he can’t be doing this just for Joseph, just for the Project; there has to be something more that he’s gaining out of this. There has to be.
“Atonement,” the word is drawn out, a slow and delicate dissection, “is the absolution of sin… without it we are left to fester in the disease of our past transgressions. If we are not absolved of sin then we can never even begin to hope to be allowed entrance into Eden. However,” the baptist gives you a pointed look, head ducked and eyes alight but shaded, a stray strand of hair falling loose, “that decision must be genuine. They must want to atone, otherwise what would be the point?”
There’s a bitten laugh that scraps between his teeth; bared in a feral frustration that speaks of long talks and discussions that lead to nowhere but dead-ended roads. A hand claws through his hair, putting that stray strand back in place as he looks to bite at the inside of his mouth; eyes briefly cast to the side.
The afternoon sun, gradually turning richer as time goes on, catches against the satin blue of his vest, making it shimmer like the clearest of Caribbean seas. With his gaze turned away from you for the moment you can see the way the light glazes them, can see the hellfire for all it’s worth beneath those choppy waters; the rage given a flare of new life with the setting sun as the shadows stretch and consume, turning the once clear and shallow waters of his eyes deep and foreboding.
You think you may actually be starting to see some of the truths that lie within the Book of Joseph.
There’s a hesitant inhale; a steadying breath.
“But, it is the will of The Father to save everyone, regardless of if they are worthy of it or not.”
Looking away from the shirt still in your lap you turn to John, many questions on the brain, but only one that gets voiced.
“So you don’t think I’m worthy?”
John blinks. A moment of consideration before he meets your curious gaze; stars glinting against a multitude of emotions, all buried and unspoken, but telling all the same.
“I don’t think you believe yourself to be worthy.”
The bluntness of his response catches you off guard, eyebrows jumping high in surprise. It’s straight to the point in a way that you never imagined him to be, and you can’t help the interested ‘oh’ that melts on your tongue in response, lilts in newfound curiosity as your head tips to the side ever so slightly. “What makes you say that?”
You half expect a smile and some sort of jab, another dig to attempt to provoke you and prove a point that only he is fighting to prove. Yet, he does nothing of the sort. He’s quiet, simply watching you, and it’s with a strange type of realisation that you realise that, not only is he back to looking relaxed and at ease, but so are you; the tension lost and in its place lies a peculiar air, a feeling of contented melancholy almost; an accepting moment of reprieve within the wheel of fate.
“You’re still here,” he answers simply, an airy awe cushioning his tone, “if you didn’t want to be convinced then you would have left a while ago. You wouldn’t be asking me in the first place.”
There’s a tightening anxiety in your chest, a truth struck too close. Are you really that easy to read? Is your dissatisfaction and growing suspicion of the Resistance –  coupled with your thirst to learn more about the local cult and its founders – really that obvious? You should hope not, such things will get you into trouble if you’re not careful. Satisfaction over discovering such things would certainly not bring you back if that were the case.
“Tell me, Deputy,” there’s a new glint in John’s eye, a new interest piqued, “what is it that you’re looking for exactly? Because whatever it is apparently can’t be found within your little Resistance, otherwise you wouldn’t be entertaining me like you are, nor would you be concerning yourself over such a touching gesture.” Surprisingly there’s a lack of sarcasm to his tone this time around as he loosely gestures toward your lap, where his shirt still lies under your gentle touch.
You suck on your tooth for second, petulantly glancing away with a quick, but weak rebuttal of, “It’s not a gesture.”
A familiar, if not slightly fonder and more teasing, lopsided smile lights up across John’s face. This strange companionship of yours back on steady waters. “If you say so, my dear.”
The warmth of the gradually setting sun is a welcome blanket at your back, the stillness between you both comfortable despite the different lines you draw and stand on in this war. Faintly you can hear the chatter and motions of the guards outside, the rumble of distant engines, but they quickly fade into the background as you genuinely consider John’s words.
Just what are you looking for?
You’re not too sure, and you don’t suppose John would appreciate such a response no matter how honest it may be. Really, if you were to be insanely honest with yourself, you would guess you are looking for a reason to stop; a reason to turn your back on those you are fighting for and not those who you are fighting against.
No matter how many times you humanise the Seeds, excuse their actions on past situations, you can’t justify what they’ve done. You may one day forgive them, when all is said and done and this whole sorry war is nothing more than a story for the grandchildren; but you could never forget the horrors they have put people through, the uncountable and unimaginable things they have done to get to where they are now; to both you and the residents of the County.
Yet, does that justify what the residents of the County have done? Does that excuse the crimes and damages conceived by the Resistance? No, no if things were even a sliver close to normal, if you were actually a proper deputy and not so damn green, then maybe everyone would of been locked behind bars by now; and you would be no exception, right beside them with blood covered hands.
The world has never looked so grey to you as it does now; and that honestly scares you worse than any cult.
“But please,” John continues after a beat, breaking the silence, “indulge me; what is it you’re after, my dear? What is it that you are really searching for?”
Absently your thumb brushes over the fabric in your lap, a heavy hesitancy causing you to take your lip between your teeth, biting at the skin there until the taste of copper hits your tongue. Eyes downcast as you debate with yourself over how honest you can be with John, how raw you’re willing to let yourself became in front of someone like him; as an enemy, as an ex-lawyer and – maybe, just maybe – as a friend.
You look up at him, see the interest and something else that you can’t quite name dancing like fireflies over a lake’s still surface. Watch as he patiently waits for you, for what you think and have to say… It’s a nice change, if not a little strange.
Without a thought you smile at him, a beam too tight that it doesn’t quite reach your eyes, a huffed laugh under your breath. “Nothing much,” you squeak, “although a decent meal would be a start.” The laugh lingers on your breath, eyebrow cocked and lips tilting into lopsided smile; an intended joke.
John looks wholly unimpressed at your bid at humour, his own eyebrow raising casually in a silent question. Surprisingly though he doesn’t say anything in response, doesn’t call you out or outright accuse you of lying, even though you both know that you just did.
Ultimately, it leaves you with a new type of uncertainty, anxiety rising once again as the smile slowly falls from your face. Still, you push past it as best you can, clearing your throat awkwardly as you decide to stand from your seat on the bed, looking and then making your way toward the set of draws on the left where you had found his discarded shirt.
You feel, but still try to ignore John’s eyes on you as you place the shirt back in (what you hope is) its original resting place, neatly folding and fitting it between others not unlike itself. Briefly you brush your fingers over the collar, savouring the uniquely expensive feel of the shirt before closing the open draw. No doubt you’ll never get an opportunity like this again. It’s a little sad in a way.
With a quiet hum you turn – back facing John – toward the bed, and with a casualness as if you own the place you start brushing down and straightening where you’d been perched on the edge of the bed, smoothing out the creases.
Admittedly, with the sudden lack of conversation, John’s silence is really starting to get to you, a familiar edge of paranoia creeping into the forefront of your mind like scavenging rodents. You listen with a keen interest as you finish your work, the rustling of fabric and your own soft breaths the only sounds that really catch your ear.
With your back facing the infamous Baptist you would have thought this would be a great opportunity for him, your more laidback and docile nature on full display for him to take advantage of if he so wished to. It really would be a perfect opportunity.
Yet, as you turn around, once more with a hum at your work, you find that John hasn’t moved from his spot in the doorway. If anything he still looks very much at ease there, completely comfortable and unconcerned as he rests his lean frame against the door, arms and legs casually crossed as he simply watches you with soft eyes; reflective pools that refuse to hide even the tiniest of emotions. Yet, strangely enough, you suddenly feel as if time is impervious to the both of you. As if there is no one else in the world, but you and John.
The sparkling sapphire of his eyes, deep and as unfathomable as the ocean, whisper in dulcet tones the promise of a loving caress within the safe haven of his gaze. An unexpected gentleness in the sorrow of a buried plea, a want for something never owned, but always craved. Such a display of tenderness, from a man that you know to be cruel and volatile at times, is so far removed from the usual turbulent seas in his eyes that it makes you feel breathless.
His face – strong defined jaw, coupled with an immaculately trimmed beard, and skin a naturally tanned hue that looks as smooth as the silk of his shirts – is not masked by barely contained snarls of rage like it often can be, nor the sharp displays of malicious mockery and petulant pleasantries that hiss between his fangs when bared. Instead he bears a freedom and fondness that has your heart racing, a strange vulnerability on his suddenly boyish features; an unfamiliar, yet not unpleasant, warmth stroking over something deep within your chest that you had feared you were starting to lose.
A thought skims across your mind, and is banished just as swiftly as it had appeared; but even so it leaves an impression that you can’t help but entertain. No matter how futile and unachievable it may be; a hopeless romantic forever at heart.
Lost in fanciful scenarios that will never come to be you don’t notice the way that John also takes you in, cataloguing every minuscule detail and committing it to memory with a keenness that rivals the amount of silver on his tongue.
With where you stand, still and serene in the heart of enemy territory, the large window of his bedroom holds proudly behind you. The fading afternoon sun casting a light pastel orange across the earth and room, beaming through the glass and haloing you in a warm and intimate glow, your form mesmerising and ethereal with how at peace you look when held within such a divinely born light.
Your eyes, typically brimming with a wrathful defiance and a gluttonous need for misguided justice, are a demure beacon that glitters like the limitless galaxies within the cosmos. A flare of hope and unconditional love, soft and reassuring, for all of those that catch a glimpse of your guiding starlight. And although he feels unworthy, tainted and irrefutably damaged as he is, John also feels unbelievably blessed to bare witness to such an otherworldly sight; to be gifted with the absolute vision that is you.
And, for a moment that never quite ends, John can’t help but question how you could be hell-incarnate when heaven touches you oh so sweetly.
There are many words John Seed would have used to describe you, none of them necessarily complimentary or flattering, yet in this shared time between the two of you – just the two of you – only one word comes to mind as he unknowingly, longingly gazes at you.
Angelic. Yes, angelic you truly are. Stunningly and perfectly angelic.
John can’t remember the last time he felt this way about anyone, if he has ever felt like this at all even, but suddenly he finds that nothing else matters to him. Not the Project, not his brothers, and not even the work that he should be doing but that he had slipped away early from, because – frankly put – he was tired. He was as fed-up with this war and the responsibilities placed upon him as he suspected his dear Deputy to be. Both falling foul to your shared sin of sloth in regards to the duties you uphold.
Yet, John at least holds direction and dedication to the work divinely placed upon him. Knows what the end game is and strives to achieve it to its fullest potential, but you? You’re wavering; you’re doubting. Straying away from the path you are on, looking into the distance for something else, all the while refusing to even acknowledge the right one. The one alongside him.
You may not say it, nor ever even admit it, but John knows exactly what it is you are looking for. Knows the evidence that you’re desperately trying to compile in order to build a strong case in favour of yourself and the choices that you’ve been making, wanting to justify yourself and the many actions that you’ve made until this point between you both in the name of your feeble Resistance. And John also knows that he and his siblings are partially to blame for that.
If it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t have to try and stand alone for yourself in your own self made courtroom. Wouldn’t have to stand before your self-conscious as you pleaded your guiltlessness before your own guilt. But, really, that’s why you needed a lawyer; that’s why you needed him. John could help you with that, could show you a better path where you could be free of such shackles. He would stand and defend you where no one else would; he would protect you when no else could.
He just wished that you’d let him. Wished that you would just sign the contract laid out before you so he could aid you, so he could fight for you. Yet, you still refuse to bless him with the payment of his favoured word. You still refuse to acknowledge just how in debt this battle will leave you without his help. It’s a small ask, a tiny payment, for a lifetime of rightful assurance.
Yet, John wonders if maybe it’s not just the courtroom that he wants to defend you in.
In his previous life, before the Project and his reunion with Joseph, John likely wouldn’t have even paid you a second glance. You’re a bit of a Plain Jane, have a very girl-next-door sort of look about you. Yet, in the wake of this interaction, bathed in the golden hue of the setting sun, John can’t think of anyone more beautiful. So human and down to earth; lost and conflicted, yet certain and firm. You really are an oddity, and one that John finds himself genuinely wanting to learn more about.
True, he had always had an interest in you, especially when this war between you first began, but it had always been a professional interest (despite what many thought or claimed). You needed to join the Project, Joseph decreed it so, and although his interest had risen to a slightly more personal level it was still business; without you he wouldn’t be able to reach Eden. His fate was in your hands.
Yet, fate seems to want to play you both into each other’s arms, for if it didn’t then surely this sacred moment between you both wouldn’t be happening. Surely, if this wasn’t meant to happen, John wouldn’t be longing for the love that Joseph promised him – the love that only you could give him – like he suddenly and hopelessly is.
John knows where he stands in this war, it’s a fixed point that he can’t move away from even if he eventually decided that he wanted to, but really his dear Deputy is still undecided. You still have a choice to make in this divine plan; you still have time to choose. And, funnily enough, it looks as if you’ve already started to make that choice. That curiosity of yours, you being in his home – on his bed – looking so domestic, like a wife waiting for her husband… to John this is a sign, a hint, a mere taste of the future that he’s always secretly hoped and longed for. A prophecy in its own right.
Yet, as much as he wants to fight for you, to defend and cherish you, he regrettably knows that the time for such things isn’t quite here yet. It’s close, certainly within his reach, but you need to meet him the rest of the way. You need those final damning pieces of evidence before you’ll come to him. You’ll want every piece of evidence available before you’ll walk your chosen path; and although he shouldn’t interfere, John could very easily acquire such evidence for you. He could very easily make such evidence for you. A little more time, a few strings pulled and a couple of sins stripped, and he could give you everything you need and so, so much more.
The temptations of the promised future are a fruit too sweet not to savour.
Eden’s Baptist watches with a fresh interest as you sigh heavily, chest rising and falling with the action, as you start to walk towards him. John’s chest tightens, flutters under the way your sparkling eyes meet and hold his own, only a hint of uncertainty, a fleeting touch of something questioning – do you feel it too? Do you feel this like he does? – on your face before you look away, glance down like a bashful bride, and come to stand next to him.
He doesn’t move from where he’s been leaning against the door, doesn’t even dare to breathe in case this moment is blown away like ash on the wind. Yet, when nothing happens and all he can focus on is his and your own gentle breathing, he takes a gamble and swallows thickly, slowly turning his head so he can look down at you next to him, naturally pretty despite the odd scratch and speck of dried blood on your well worn clothes.
The tension is palpable between you both, not so tight that’s it choking you, but tight enough that you can certainly feel it; hear it moan like a bow dragging steadily over a cello’s strings. Although, not as ominous as one would first suspect, but more melancholy; a rich sadness. As though despite how much you might want and wish for something, it will never come to pass; a sad inevitability that you can do nothing but walk past, never to stop and consider. Or at least you shouldn’t, for only heartbreak lies down those withered and desolate roads.
Which is why you shouldn’t stop, why you shouldn’t be wanting to reach out with a tender touch, a reassurance to this greedy want of yours for something more out of this moment, for more out of this strange connection and unlikely companionship you have discovered between the two of you. You shouldn’t feel this safe when standing next to the man that wants to starve this Valley into submission. You shouldn’t feel so at ease around a man that derives a sick thrill out of torture and the power it gives him. You shouldn’t feel like you’ve finally found a home when you’re sitting on his bed with his shirt in your arms.
You can’t deny that you’re attracted to him, that there clearly is some sort of unexplainable connection between the both of you, but whatever this connection may be… it can never be explored. It can never happen. You will never side with Eden’s Gate, and even if you decide that you can no longer be with the Resistance, it’ll be for the same reason why you can’t join Joseph’s cult. Ultimately, your decision, whatever it may be, will change nothing. Just like nothing will change John’s decision.
Ruled by the cry of your heart and the attachments it’s quick to make you hesitantly lay your greedy hand upon him, turning slightly as your right hand crosses you in order to gently grip his toned arm; the familiar feel of uniquely expensive silk sliding pleasantly
against your skin.
You feel him tense under your hand, arms tightening from where they are still crossed across his chest, but you don’t blame him. Really you’re not even too sure what it is you’re doing, this will only hurt you more when you walk away from whatever this could’ve been if things were different, but you always have had a bit of a penchant for torturing yourself with things like this.
So no matter how much the ‘what if’s’ will wound you in the future you still immerse yourself in the feel of him, of the way he relaxes as your thumb brushes back and forth in a comforting gesture against his arm, the smell of his cologne naturally intermingling with his natural scent… it’s a bitter torture that already has the tears coming to your eyes, but still you stay a little longer; heart hopefully romantic even though you know better.
This – the two of you – could never work.
“Deputy…”
“You know,” you cut him off, the slightest fracture in your softened tone, “I didn’t mean what I said earlier, about your planes. They’re not toys; they’re really cool actually,” there’s a buried laugh under your breath, a small smile that speaks of a brief reminiscion, “the way you have them all set up, cataloged with their little name plates… it’s really cute. It would be super cool if you had them hanging down from the ceiling though; like, having them act out dog fights and things almost. Can you imagine it?”
You giggle there, head ducking as you get lost in thoughts and bitter imagines – helping to set them up, walking in and seeing them like that, being lifted and twirled under them like stars in the sky – that will never be.
This war has taken everything from you, has made you doubt and lose sight of who you were before. Even your dreams for the future, regardless of who they may be with, have been tarnished by the stains on your hands and the things you have been pushed into doing. How could you ever have a normal life after this? Who would want a life with you after all of this? It all seems so impossible and far too far out of reach for you now.
Although it may be cruel, your wandering thoughts and the reminder they bring is a good grounder, and in turn your smile sours; even as one blooms sweetly across John’s face, a light dusting of pink across his cheeks.
For the better, you don’t see it.
“Anyway, I better go; got a County to save and all that after all. I’ll see you around though, John,” you pause, hesitate, desperately cling to this fleeting moment that’s finally reached its end, “take care of yourself now, sweetheart. Lord knows we need to...”
With nothing else to say, that quiet piece of compassion laid out before him like a final offering, you leave; letting go of his arm with a parting squeeze and a faint caress as you pull away, walk past him and out the door until you’re eventually lost to him yet again. A weary ghost bound to forever wander the lonely battlefield.
John doesn’t follow you, doesn’t even reach out to stop you like a part of him begs him to do, and instead merely turns to watch you leave. Head down and arms wrapped comfortingly around your waist. He really should stop you, force this moment to last for as long as he can get it to, but he doesn’t; and that surprisingly hurts him, letting you go. Yet, the pain it brings only hardens him, makes his thoughts straighten and become resolute in the face of the same realisation that had dawned on him only moments before hand.
And as the sun sets over the horizon, the sky streaked in sunburnt northern lights, colours shifting like water with the flowing of time, John finally moves to sit in the same place you had been on his bed; alone and lost in thought. Reaching out to pick something up off his nightstand as he draws his elbows to rest on his spread knees. His hands cupped against his mouth and securely around your forgotten sewing kit, as he stares blankly at your abandoned rifle.
Another sign in and of itself.
Although you hadn’t been looking at him when you had left John had certainly been watching you. He had seen the way that your eyes had glistened like unsteady waters as the courtroom erupted into a debate that you felt that you couldn’t win; the choice taken from you as your morals and exploited loyalty raged and dictated the sentence you should face.
He knows you felt it, knows that there is something special between the two of you, and that it’s taken this moment between you – this one act of rebellion stemmed from your curiosity – for him to see it; for him to finally grasp the meaning behind his brother’s plea.
You were right when you had questioned him on his lack of care regarding the Atonement; how he doesn’t care to save those that don’t believe, how he doesn’t want to put in the effort for those that will only put it to waste. If their motives are not genuine then the process is entirely pointless. Although, John won’t deny that there is a certain gratification in having such control over someone. Forcing them to say yes, purely for their own survival, is not the intention, but it certainly works all the same. After all, Joseph hasn’t exactly scolded him for his methods; especially if he gets a little therapy and self management out of it.
But what of you? What do you have as an outlet, as a way to cope and make the prize all the more sweeter? Better yet, what is the prize that you’re working towards, because John certainly has his in mind, and it won’t just be the end of a cruel and uncaring society.
You’re a puppet, both in terms of your occupation and the leading role you’re now being made to fill, dancing on fraying strings. Strings that John could fully free you from, help to cut you loose, if only you would just say ‘yes’. He’d be able to properly protect and defend you then, reassure you in your choices and how the things you’ve done were never truly your own; your caring nature merely exploited by those that you were forced to associate with while under the influence of shock. The trauma brought on by that helicopter crash disorientating you and leaving you vulnerable toward their manipulative and pressurising ways.
At least if you were to say ‘yes’, John would be able to safely guard you and your surprisingly tentative character. He would be able to love and cherish you, hold you close like no other, and make it so that you would want for nothing while in his arms. He could actually keep you in his bed, smother you in the pleasure that he would gladly give you as his beloved; chain you there as he ravished you and the softness that you would offer him, that you allowed him a tantalising glimpse of.
If you said ‘yes’, then John would finally be able to secure you and your loose strings, worn and threadbare under the continued pressure of your wailing guilt, to his own tangled ones; knotting them together until they have been sewn into something new, becoming one and the same. And when that finally happens, you will be entwined around a silk too rich and blissful to be so easily frayed.
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nneogram · 4 years ago
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— writing tag
a big thank you to my soulmate? @renjunlite for tagging me in this! denise & i recently became mutuals and !! when i saw you had followed me back perhaps i screamed. much love :)
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⇒ what is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?
in general i need a setting where i can be completely alone with my thoughts. as of recent this has been late at night, in the safety and comfort of my bedroom, with everyone else in my house fast asleep. something about knowing that it’s just me and my thoughts present with no possibility of outside intrusions brings me the peace and clarity i need to write. like, no one wants to see a jeni deep in thought contemplating the many ways i can describe lee jeno’s beauty haha
⇒ what is your favourite genre to write?
i aspire to write angst but in all honesty i feel like i haven’t experienced enough in my nineteen years of life to do angst justice. i suppose my favorite is fluff because it is what i am most comfortable and confident with. one day, one day, i will write a fic that’s that perfect mix of angst and fluff - those fics have a way of building me up and then tearing me down and i l o v e it.
aside from the overarching genres (fluff, angst, smut), i like good ol’ slice of life topics: college, roommate, neighbor, you name it. my favorite, though, would have to be the slice-of-life-turned-fantasy plot! a prime example of this genre would be the anime film kimi no nawa, it has all of my favorite tropes wrapped in a bundle of visually pleasing aesthetics and music: soulmate!au, dream!au, parallel universe!au.
⇒ do you prefer to write on paper, or digitally?
for writing fics, it’s much more convenient to do so digitally - specifically to my case, i tend to do so through the google docs app on my phone, only bringing out the laptop when i’m doing large edits or revisions. 
aside from fics i prefer writing on paper. it’s so therapeutic to put paper to pen! i’ve been writing in journals, notebooks, really any piece of paper since i was very young. i like having physical copies of my thoughts because i can look back on them and flip through the pages - i recently stumbled across a diary of mine from third grade. third grade! that’s almost a decade ago!
⇒ it’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea. what do you do?
luckily i charge my phone right beside my bed, so if/when this happens i go to the notes app on my phone and type down as much as i can remember :)
⇒ who is your favourite person to write about?
jeno! in my head, he easily fits certain character archetypes, and it’s so easy to write character dynamics for him. i think another thing that draws me to him is that i have encountered people irl with a similar personality type - one of my close friends reminds me of him so, so much - so it’s easier for me to visualize the interactions and dynamics.
⇒ do you like making your own characters, or do you usually write about real people? 
for tumblr purposes, i write about real people (as you could probably tell from my blog). but in all honesty, the pieces i release on tumblr are originally intended for my oc’s. in my archives are these quite elaborate storylines and character dynamics that will likely never see the light of day (a doctor!au based on grey’s anatomy and descendants of the sun! college!au and highschool!aus centered around realistic predicaments such as imposter syndrome, and broken families! the list goes on!) if anything, i prefer writing for my own characters, because this allows me to mold and shape them how i want - with original characters especially, i always write a little bit of myself into them. with real people, there are limitations to this, of course.
denise worded her response so beautifully and we have eerily similar thoughts on this question, so i highly suggest referring to her writing tag post for a semblance of my perspective on this as well. i also suggest referring to my writing disclaimers for some of my thoughts on this as well.
⇒ have you ever written a book, or a story with more than 15 chapters (100k words)?
as far as i know, i have not! i’d like to try some day, if i have the time and motivation.
⇒ how often do you get ideas?
too much and then not at all. i have so many ideas that come at inconsistent (and usually inconvenient) times that i don’t know where to start! 
⇒ do you ever get an idea that you really like, but just can’t seem to finish?
DID YOU MEAN: JENI WITH ANY AND EVERY WORK IN PROGRESS?  my process right now involves starting on one idea, then losing motivation, then getting another idea and starting on that one, then losing motivation for that but finding inspiration for an old wip, then going back to that one etc etc. the cycle repeats over and over again until eventually one of the pieces is finished (at which point i go “o shit cool” and post lmao).
⇒ what is your least favourite plot?
i can’t seem to write high school au’s anymore. perhaps it’s because i’ve experienced the college life now and forgot what it felt like to be in high school?
⇒ tag 5 or more people.
um mmmmhrrrnnngg i haven’t been paying attention to who’s completed this tag already, so i apologize in advance if you’ve already done so! @joonary, @kitsutaes, @mintyuser (srry it didn’t tag you earlier for some reason!) @jaehours, @du0tine​ :) :) i don’t usually do tags often but if you don’t want to be tagged in future posts feel free to let me know! much love <3
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jazy3 · 5 years ago
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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X11
I really loved this episode! There were so many things I liked! The thing I liked most was how funny it was! I died laughing! I was hollering with laughter the entire time! It was SO funny! I haven't laughed that hard at something in ages! I also loved the chemistry between Meredith and Hayes aka McWidow! I loved their easy banter and how well they worked together. I loved that Cormac could admit when he was wrong and be gracious about it. And the way they worked together in the OR! They were like a seamless well-oiled machine. It's really cool to see Meredith work so well with someone who has the potential to be a great romantic partner and whose on her level professionally! In all of her past relationships there was always a power imbalance. I love her and Cormac together!  
I love how in just a few short episodes Hayes has already endeared himself to Cristina, Jo, and Amelia! They are not easily impressed and he's already won them over! I love that! I think there's a lot of potential there. Meredith and Hayes aren't even dating yet and this relationship already has more support than any other she's ever been in. I'm so totally here for it! It's about friggin' time! Also what ship name are we using for Meredith and Cormac's budding romance? I've seen people using everything from Grayes to McWidow to McIrish! I'm a Grayes and McWidow fan myself so that's what I've been using so far. Now onto the recap. Meredith’s Voice Over this week is all about why people don’t go to the doctor and we open on her texting her favourite person: Cristina. I love their exchange!
Meredith: What do you mean by gift? Cristina: 🤷🏻‍♀‍ M: Professional or personal? C: 🤷🏻‍♀‍ M: I need more information!! C: 🤷🏻‍♀‍ M: You’re not funny
On the contrary Meredith I think Cristina‘s hilarious and she knows exactly what she’s doing. Wink wink. Amelia and Meredith are in the Attendings Lounge and following her text exchange with Cristina, Amelia asks Meredith if they’re have been any Maggie sightings today. She says she sent Zola up with food but she refused and that they’ll know when to push her. I love Meredith and her sisters! I sometimes wonder what things would have been like if Lexie had lived and Cristina had stayed. It would be cool to see the five of them together. We find out that Amelia has decided to tell Link about her pregnancy news but she hasn’t told Meredith as she has no idea what the hell Amelia is talking about.
Enter Hayes! He notices that a pregnant Amelia is struggling to tie her shoe and like the gentleman he is offers to help! Swoon! Meanwhile Meredith has no idea what to make of the man who last time she saw him bite everyone’s head off and drove her up the wall and is now tying her pregnant sister’s shoe for her. I love it! Amelia is impressed! Hayes offers Meredith coffee but she says she’s good. He makes small talk and then leaves. As Amelia says, “That is a very well wrapped gift.” Why yes it is! Meredith is annoyed as she still doesn’t know what to make of Cristina’s “gift” so she unties Amelia’s shoe! Haha I love it!
Meanwhile Teddy has lost her engagement ring! Which turns out to be a Hunt family heirloom. Oh dear. Jo promises to keep an eye out while Teddy continues to search. Next we find DeLuca sitting in a side room doing research. Meredith walks in. She tells him that he told her to take some time to think which she didn’t like because two people who are together should think things through together. Truth. When you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re truly committed you work and talk things out together. You don’t just throw a hissy fit over your own insecurities and walk away which is what DeLuca did. Instead of responding to this obvious truth and acting like he gives a crap DeLuca instead starts talking about a routine lap appy that he did on a patient whose not getting better.
Here’s what bugs me about this scene. Last week DeLuca was so eager to get back together with Meredith that he came crying to her sister, his ex, for help. This week he couldn’t care less about her and acts like they don’t even know each other. This guy is all over the map! They’ve rewritten DeLuca’s character so many times at this point I’ve lost track. Which is one of the reasons I don’t like him. He’s inconsistent, poorly written, and just an overall jackass.
Also I think it’s interesting that DeLuca broke up with Meredith because he couldn’t handle the fact that he’d never compare to Derek or be on their level skill wise but now that he needs help he turns to the great Dr. Meredith Grey for advice. Very telling. When Meredith wanted to be with him personally, he walked away because he couldn’t handle the fact that she was better than him professionally. Now that she wants to talk things through, he couldn’t care less and only wants her help professionally. What a loser.
DeLuca refuses to even address her comment and instead talks to her professionally as if they barely know each other. And he wonders why everyone hates him? Meredith is having none of it. Thank God. She tells him she’ll think on it and that he should fill Bailey in. Before leaving she leans over and whispers to him that she misses him in Italian. Meredith then turns and leaves. It’s only after this that we see any kind of normal reaction out of DeLuca. It’s as if he suddenly remembers they used to date.
DeLuca smiles and calls after her that he didn’t dump her, so she doesn’t have to miss him. Meredith walks away. Fun fact: that’s called gaslighting. DeLuca showed up to Meredith’s house after she got her medical licence back, compared himself to her dead husband, and then threw a temper tantrum about his own insecurities and how they weren’t partners and told her to take some time.
He then claimed to Link and Nico that he didn’t dump her, got schooled on it, and eventually went to Maggie for advice. He admitted to her that he meant what he said. Now that Meredith wants to talk instead of apologizing he’s gaslighting her. DeLuca keeps claiming he didn’t dump her all the while refusing to apologize or address the issues at hand. They’re not equals and they never will be. That hasn’t changed and he meant what he said so there’s really nothing to talk about here.
Also DeLuca claiming that he didn’t dump Meredith when in fact he did doesn’t change those facts. Also what is his plan here? Does he really think being a passive aggressive asshole is going to win Meredith back? DeLuca’s an idiot. Last week and the episode before that he whined to everyone about how he didn’t dump Meredith and wanted to get back together. This week she wants to talk and all he does is treat her with coldness and make passive aggressive comments. He’s first class idiot and Meredith deserves better. It looks like she may have found it in Hayes and I couldn’t be happier!
Another reason why I'm totally a Grayes fan? "Listen Grey this is your house, but someone gave me a key so maybe it's best if we try to learn how to live together," Is such a low key epic line. Like hot damn. I'm not one for pick up lines but damn son. Also I love that he follows it up with, "Welcome back Dr. Grey. I can see why you were missed." Like damn. He's been a pain in the ass to work with all day and he knows it, but he can also admit when he's wrong and do it gracefully and I love that
Also Hayes is so into Mer. He could have said anything to her as he exited the elevator and he goes with a straight fire pick up line about how someone gave him a key to her house so they should learn how to live together and he can see why she was missed? Damn. I'm so sunk. I'm so into this ship and Hayes has only been in three episodes! I can't wait to see more of Meredith and Hayes together! They have so much in common and they are such a slow burn! I love it!
I love that Hayes doesn't brag about being right about the vaping case. He totally could have and he chose not to. Meredith didn't brag about the Jamie Caldwell case and she totally could have and choose not to. I love that they have this mutual respect already. It's also cool to see a new male doctor on the show that doesn't brag and gloat every 5 minutes. Real talk that is one of the most annoying things about the remaining male characters on Grey's. I'm really liking this new guy.
Also I love that Hayes went from not understanding who Meredith was talking about at the beginning of the episode to being super curious and intrigued as to how she knows Cristina by the end of it. He definitely wants to know what the story is there. In other non-Grayes related news Amelia finally tells Link the truth that the baby might not be his. It’s heartbreaking and devastating to watch.
Amelia makes this great speech about how she loves what they have and why she loves him, but that she understands that he needs time to think. We’ve seen such growth from Amelia this season. I’m so proud of her. We get an update on the residents and find out that Bailey took some time off after her miscarriage. Of course Koracick doesn’t know that so he’s being his usual asinine self. We meet the patient DeLuca was talking about. Her name is Suzanne. She’s very sweet and has two very cute kids and a loving sister who want her to get better.
Even more tragic we learn that Suzanne’s partner died last year. He had a migraine that got so bad he went to the ER, but the doctors sent him home saying he would be fine. He died shortly thereafter so now her kids are terrified of hospitals. Oh god. Honey you are at the wrong place. They don’t call it Seattle Grace Mercy Death for nothing!
We see Hayes and Meredith meet in the hallway. Mer wants to address the elephant in the room and says she’s not sure what Cristina said to him and wants to know more. Only Hayes has no idea what she’s talking about. As soon as Mer realizes this she stops talking and says Never mind. Hayes isn’t deterred though and he keeps asking questions until she distracts him by asking him if he’s going to the pit. I love the ease that Meredith and Hayes already have with each other. I love the way she smiles when she talks to him and I love how persistent he is when it comes to the truth! It feels like we got the old Meredith back and I love it.
Hayes is confused as what the pit is. Meredith explains she’s talking about the ER. He asks why they call it that. Meredith says she doesn’t know. I love scenes where they talk about the medical language and slang different countries and cultures use. Right after they get there a 17 year old kid named Kai starts coughing up blood. They begin working together and start treating him. Meanwhile Maggie is still at home hiding. Richard comes to see her and through some ingenious text messages convinces her to answer the door.
During this scene Justin Chambers’ name appears and he is credited in this episode despite the fact that he does not appear. This makes sense seeing as episodes 1 - 12 would have been filmed last year while he was still under contract. Man I miss Alex already. Fun fact from this episode: Richard Webber can cook! This man is full of surprises. Who knew? Back at the hospital Jo comes to talk to Link who tells her about Amelia’s baby news. Just as they start to talk a man calls out for help and they run over to help him.
“All these blue pyjamas, I can’t get any help over here?!”  LOL this guy! It turns out this man swallowed an entire fish and then while being rushed to the ER his friend accidentally slammed his hand in the cab door to the point that it’s gushing blood! Yuck! Back at the house Richard is dismayed by all of the places there are to put food and the lack there of it! Some things never change. Aw! There’s a photo of Zola in her Day of the Dead outfit on the fridge! Also I love the Pac Man style ghost drawing! A+ for whoever’s kid drew that one!
Maggie just wants to be left alone. Richard refuses to give up. Meanwhile, Owen has the day off so he comes to see Teddy at the hospital. He wants to talk wedding plans but she tearfully tells him they can’t because she lost the ring! Owen reassures her and tells her that it won’t be an issue because they’re going to find it. Which admittedly is very sweet of him.
It turns out this guy knowingly ate a potentially poisonous spiky puffer fish from a bar aquarium at his bachelor party on a dare. Yep. That happened. I bet this isn’t even made up. I bet you anything someone’s actually done this. I love Jo’s line, “I honestly worry for your entire gender sometimes.” Hahaha Jo! Same here girl same here. Jackson, Jo, and Link scrub in on fish guy. Link tries to act like he’s cool with the whole unknown paternity thing and Jo calls his bluff.
As Jo says, “You can love her and be mad at her at the same time. Both things can be true.” Wise words indeed. Amelia goes to talk to Owen and Teddy only to find them looking for the ring. Owen gets a text saying Leo just threw up all over daycare so Owen and Teddy run off to deal with that leaving a confused and anxious Amelia behind. I’m confused as to why Amelia stayed behind. Leo is her kid too. Why didn’t she go with them?
Meanwhile Meredith and Hayes are giving Kai a CT scan. Hayes comments that he’s got a couple of boys at home that are Kai’s age. He says he had to read a whole book on brain function just to manage to forgive them for everything they do. Meredith laughs in response as Hayes tells her that he came home the other night to find the oldest one throwing a tennis ball as hard as he could at the youngest one’s head. And that the game was could his brother dodge it before he got brain damage. Meredith, being a parent herself, laughs in response because she gets it. She then apologizes saying she shouldn’t laugh at that because it’s actually not funny.
Gosh the way he looks at her! I just love it. I love their easy laughter and how they understand each other’s experience. Losing a spouse young and having to raise a bunch of kids as a single parent while running a department is no picnic. Hayes is just perfect for Meredith. He’s everything she needs and wants. I love it! Hayes then opens up to Meredith and explains why he acted the way he did the other day. He says it was a tough day for him and that he gets a bit dark this time of year because it’s when he lost their Mum to cancer.
He says he hopes that the two of them can start over and Meredith says sure. She’s been there and is there. She knows what’s it’s like to lose a spouse and get all dark and twisty over it. I think it’s great seeing Meredith with someone whose dark and twisty like she is. I’m tired of all this fluff. I want to see her with someone who’s as screwed up as she is. Who gets it. They can be dark and twisty together. Meredith asks him how long it’s been since she passed. Cormac answers that she’s been gone two years ago last week. Because she’s been there she tells him two years is tough but that it gets better.
As she says, “Two years is tough. Gets better. Not all the way better obviously, but a little bit better.” Meredith’s been there so she knows what she’s talking about. Hayes is about to respond when the CT scans pop up. I’m looking forward to seeing Meredith address being a widower more. It shouldn’t be the whole focus but getting to see and understand her experience as she moves forward with someone new who understands her pain is critical. I’d also love to see her talk about Derek and her other deceased loved ones more. Dating someone who understands that kind of pain could make it easier to talk about. You shouldn’t have to hide your love for someone. I’d love to see Meredith and Hayes go on a dinner date and talk about their dead spouses and what they do and don’t miss. You don’t stop loving someone because they die and Mer deserves someone she can talk about that stuff with.
She shouldn’t have to hide her love for Derek anymore than Hayes should have to hide his love for his wife. They need to be able to talk about that stuff and I look forward to seeing them explore that more. Meredith and Hayes look at the scans. The kid’s supposed to be an athlete yet he’s got the lungs of a 60 year old smoker. Meredith is baffled but Hayes says he’s seen this before. “I bet you a naggin he vapes.” Yikes! Hayes comes to talk to Kai’s Dad and his friends. His Dad is in disbelief but based on their reactions Hayes deduces correctly that the boys know something they’re not saying.
Telling them that this is no time for secrets Hayes gets them to open up and they admit that Kai vapes but don’t think it’s that bad because half the school does it. Cormac is having exactly none of that and schools them on the fact that vaping is similar to smoking in that you’re putting chemicals into your lungs which are meant inhale air not smoke or chemicals. Hayes shows them a picture of a healthy lung and another photo of their friend’s which looks awful. They act flip in response and he promptly loses it on them. Hayes tells them to get out of his face and that the stuff is deadly just as Meredith comes down the stairs. Kai’s Dad is freaked. Hayes explains that his son’s not dying but thinks the only way to help him is to repair his esophagus and remove part of his lung.
Meredith disagrees. She thinks they should try to stop the bleeding by coiling the artery which is the least invasive option and what she‘d want for her own kids. Kai’s Dad is swayed and says he wants to go with the option Meredith presented. Cormac concedes and says they’ll get back to him. As they walk away he tells Meredith he’ll defer to her going forward, she tries to make amends, but Hayes says that’s not necessary. He clarifies that he’s not being passive aggressive or trying to make an issue out of it. Meredith believes she can do it, Kai’s Dad wants her to try, so she should be the one to do the procedure.
I love this for so many reasons. If this same scenario happened with one of Meredith’s other love interest it would be a whole thing! Derek would have had a field day, Riggs would have been pissed, and DeLuca would have thrown a temper tantrum. Hayes? Nah. He’s cool as a cucumber. He’s not mad or upset. He’s doesn’t treat her poorly or patronize her. He graciously accepts defeat, defers to her, and moves on and I love that. Meredith deserves someone like that in her life. We all do.
They have some nice banter about how Hayes keeps accidentally terrifying his patients’ parents and he tells her he was trying to terrify the kids who are Kai’s friends from school. I love how easily they get along. Back at the house Maggie and Richard talk. She wants to be left alone. He wants to know why she quit. She explains about the mix up with the perfusionist and not knowing the protocol at Pac North. Maggie asks Richard to go and he leaves. Back at the hospital Teddy and Owen are looking after a sick Leo. They get an x-ray to try and figure out what’s going on.
And figure it out they do! It turns out that Leo ate Teddy’s ring! Over in the OR Meredith and Hayes are operating on Kai and she’s got on her mint green scrub cap today with the swirls on it. I like seeing all of her different scrub caps and the metaphor they embody about how she’s moving on with her life post-Derek’s death. Meredith deploys the coil while Cormac attempts to backseat drive which annoys her. He tells her he didn’t want to do it because there’s often a re-bleed and seconds later it happens.
Hayes wants to open him up, but Meredith thinks she can deploy another coil. Hayes tells her they don’t have time. I love their exchange in this scene. Meredith says, “I’m sorry,” and Hayes responds, “Don’t be sorry. Tried it your way. Now help me with mine.” He could have gloated and being a real jackass about it and said I told you so but he didn’t. He admired her willingness to try and when her way failed he didn’t gloat or make an issue of it. In fact he told her not to apologize and instead asked for her help in doing it his way. Because that’s what being a mature adult is all about. Accepting defeat and triumph graciously and asking for help when you need it. Just one of the many reasons I already love Hayes as a character.
Meanwhile, Jo, Jackson, and Link are still operating on fish guy. It’s rough going. “Every time I think I’ve seen the craziest, dumbest things a person can do the ER’s just like ‘Hold my beer.’” Oh Jackson! This line! LOL. Meanwhile Meredith and Hayes are still operating on Kai. He tells her in the interest of full disclosure that this isn’t the first time he’s had the debate about whether to coil or resect. Mer doesn’t find this very comforting. She responds with, “So I was wrong but I’m not alone? Thanks.” Hayes clarifies and says that last time he was on her side and he insisted on the coil even though his colleague adamantly disagreed.
Hayes says he didn’t even get as far as Mer did before it all went sideways. So Meredith asks, “Who was the colleague?” And Hayes replies, “Head of the Klausman Institute: Dr. Yang. Absolute nightmare.” Hahaha oh Hayes you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. I love that knowing look Meredith gives him too. Elsewhere Bailey and DeLuca are giving Suzanne a CT scan. She does not like it at all. They rule something else out but still can’t figure out what’s wrong with her. Then Koracick walks up. He’s confused as to why the Chief of Surgery is doing follow ups on a routine appy and chastises her for it mockingly. Bailey gets up and closes the door in his face like a boss.
Just then Suzanne starts coding. For the first time in ages we see DeLuca whose Chief Resident actually practicing medicine. In an even bigger shock he actually does his job competently. Elsewhere fish guy is finally out of surgery. He’s trying to figure out how to his fiancée when she walks in. She is not happy. “You are dumber than a turtle!” She says. Can’t argue with that one. This woman is done. She’s had enough. She’s calling off the wedding. She says that last month her mother offered her $10K to push the wedding back a year and she told her no.
She realizes now that it was her not her mother who couldn’t see him for who he really was and this isn’t the life she wants. As she says, “When someone shows you who they are over and over you’re supposed to believe them.” Very true. Also I hope her Mom gave her that 10K after she called it off. Link seems to take this sentiment to heart although I’m not sure why. Amelia’s been open and honest with him and she’s better mentally than she’s ever been. Bailey and DeLuca promise Suzanne they’ll get answers. Back at the house Richard shows up again this time with groceries. I love this exchange. Maggie asks, “What is this? And Richard replies, “It’s called food. Let’s see what it’s like to actually eat some.” Haha I love Richard. He has the best lines. Maggie’s then talks about what Sabi meant to her and all the reasons Richard should hate her. In response he tells her about his Mom who died when he was 10. He says he doesn’t remember much but when he was upset, she would make them both pancakes.
And she’d say, “Let’s talk about it after you’ve had something to eat.” So that’s what he’s trying to do for Maggie. My heart. It’s nice hearing Richard talk about his Mom and learn more about his family. I like seeing him bond with Maggie more. Richard and Maggie have a heart to heart. He encourages her to get back into the OR. They talk about Sabi. Back at the hospital Owen and Teddy talk about Leo and the ring. He’s going to be fine but Teddy’s still distraught about losing it in the first place.
So Teddy and Owen reach a compromise. They’ll add some extra letters to her necklace to represent the whole family and put the ring in a safe for special occasions. And now Teddy has to sift through Leo’s poop. Isn’t parenting fun? Back at the hospital, Cormac talks to Kai’s Dad. They have a heart to heart and he thanks him for saving his son. Hayes meets Mer in the hallway. He tells her he won’t rub it in that he was right. She apologizes again. He chuckles and tells her that when he was on the other end Yang drive him mad.
He says she left him notes all over the place every day for months. “I was right you were wrong. Little pictures of respected lungs.” As Mer says, “Well that sounds about right.” I can so see Cristina doing that too! She’d think it was hilarious. She probably really liked Hayes as a colleague and he has no idea. Oh Cristina. Never change. Hayes is confused by Mer’s response and asks her about it, “Wait you know her?” Uh oh. Cats out of the bag. Mer tries to explain but can’t find the words. Hayes quirks some eyebrows and is intrigued.
In response Meredith stumbles over her words and then says, “Um ... I gotta go.” Oh Meredith. She walks away rather than face the truth as Hayes stares after her in confusion. I can’t wait to see this storyline play out! It has so much potential! Bailey’s about to leave for home but Koracick won’t let up. She’s finally had enough and so she tells him the truth. She wasn’t on vacation. She sat in her house for three days, drank tea, and cried her eyes out because she had a miscarriage.
He’s surprisingly sympathetic and tells her to light a candle. He tells her that his ex-wife Dana miscarried twice before their son David was born. He says that every year he still lights candles on what would have been their birthdays. Tom is such an interesting character. He’s a complete asshole one minute and the nicest guy you’ve ever met the next. Greg Germann does an amazing job portraying him. Also, can we talk about the fact that the man lost three children? His wife miscarried twice and then his son died young from a freak accident at school. 
It destroyed his marriage to the point that his wife eventually left to be with another man and he was broken he couldn’t do anything about it. Which is why Tom 100% did not deserve the crap Teddy put him through. That was BS. He deserved better. God dammnit. Also, I don’t understand why the other characters aren’t more upfront with Tom. He’s made it clear that if you’re upfront with him he’ll leave you alone. It’s only when he’s in the dark that he starts bugging people. Seems pretty simple to me. Just saying. Meanwhile, Link pages Amelia to the plant room. He’s upset she didn’t get checked out earlier and wants her to do a paternity test.
He’s calm and collected about it but also clearly upset. So is Amelia. She asks what happens if he’s not the father? He’s says he wants to be cool about it and say it doesn’t matter but he’s not sure how he feels yet. He says he wants to take things one step at a time. Amelia is devastated but she keeps it together as best she can. Watching her cry silently as her eyes fill with tears is gut wrenching. Amelia’s been through so much! I just want her to be happy god damnit! Also, I don’t get why the paternity matters so much. You either love someone or you don’t. You either want to be a Dad or you don’t. What difference do the genetics make?
We find Meredith running along a hallway. She runs into the scan room where DeLuca is pouring over paperwork. She says she got his text and suggests they go to dinner so he can clear his head a bit. Which is all very nice of her considering he dumped her over his own insecurities and has been nothing but a passive aggressive aloof asshole ever since. DeLuca in response bites her fricken head off and start shouting about his patient Suzanne and how he can’t help her. In response Meredith takes him by the shoulders and tells him to walk her through the case from the beginning.
Which again is very nice of her. If someone dumped me and then treated me like that I’d tell them to take a hike! I think it’s interesting that  Meredith’s Voice Over this episode is about facing up to the truth both good and bad and how important that is. In my mind this applies to her in two ways. One, she needs to own up and tell Cormac the truth about her and Cristina. Two, she needs to accept that her relationship with DeLuca is over and never would have worked out long term.
It also looks like Meredith is joining Suzanne’s case which could be interesting to watch. Personally, I’d like to see her work more with Hayes, but she hasn’t had a big case in a while so this could be fun. Next we see Bailey at the chapel lighting a candle for the baby she miscarried. My heart. Richard arrives home. Catherine’s not pleased to see him. She asks how his day was. He says it was uneventful. She says Dr. Wells from Pac North called looking for him. He tells her he spent the day trying to convince Maggie to come back to work.
She doesn’t believe him. He tells her their marriage can’t work if she doesn’t trust him. To which she responds, “Who said this was working?” Yikes! He asks her what she’s trying to say. She says she thinks it’s time for them to have a much bigger conversation. Real talk though I don’t understand Catherine this season. She’s been nothing but cold to Richard when he’s done nothing to her. Yes, he did something he shouldn’t have done while sticking up for Meredith but what does that have to do with Catherine?
For the first time in his life he’s married to someone he loves, he’s not drinking, and he’s not having an affair. That’s huge for him. What more does Catherine want? And he’s doing his best to be there for Meredith and Maggie as their surrogate father. All of the problems at this point are in Catherine’s head. He’s not cheating on her. He backed up Meredith because he loves her like a daughter. He’s supporting Maggie because he’s her biological father. That’s what you’re supposed to do for people you love for family. Sheesh.
Now onto this week’s promo! And it looks like we’ve got a stand-alone episode coming our way! It’s Catherine and Richard’s anniversary dinner and you know that’s going to be awkward! And it looks like Jackson invited Vic for some reason who invited Dean! Maggie is also in attendance. Oh boy. This is going to be one awkward dinner.
Until then!
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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years ago
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tbf, the Oku arc also had the bs morgana/ryuji argument with inconsistencies like "Oh Ryuji's just in it for the fame/chicks!" as if his trauma from Kamo wasn't a thing, and like, when was he obsessed about getting chicks by being a PT? And then the plot favors Morgana even after running off, nearly running over the PT in car form (which i'm pretty sure would kill/injure them), and then robbing Haru of the big conflict scene with her dad
not to mention the same crap of Ryuji apologizing even though Morgana insulted HIM, akin to the Ann and Makoto situation; if we're pointing out character assassination in the Kamo arc it's only fair to bring it up in the Oku arc (not to mention Mona's whole hissyfit preventing the player from doing ANYTHING with free time, even though those scenes could've easily been edited to not include Morgana ye there're some damn good reasons the Oku arc is unanimously hated) 
Under cut cause length (I agree but....there are things that make it a bit murky)
100% agree with the free time stripped away, that was a bad design choice. That being said, I don’t think P5 offers a lot to do after you max stats and max CoOps (P3/4 have a similar issue but, hear me out, P5 is newer and probably should’ve fixed that by now), like more free time is great for people that don’t have this game down to a science like me (I tend to literally just sleep the last like 14 days of the game so I can get to the next story beat cause there’s nothing else to do, first playthrough to boot....I’ve played too much of this game even for trophies orz). Royal helps a bit with the darts game and my Palace (latter being a curse and a blessing)...oh and the challenge mode (except you know....majority of it is behind a paywall :D....but like the batting cage and darts games I don’t feel any motivation to keep playing it, not like the counterparts with Judgement. Fishing is a bit better, maybe it’s because I have something to work towards (better gear, better bait?) but there’s not a lot of variety so I’m kinda bored fast. Tycoons’ fine, maybe add more card games, but that one is solid...but it’s outside of the time block mechanic so there’s no issue??? The arcade is a treasure trove of stuff we could do just for fun (I ought to make (another) post about what we could have tbh). The game is kinda barren in terms of stuff to do ironically (maybe they needed to bring back P3/4 style quests or maybe more mini games I dunno just something). Moving on tho
And also I agree Haru was ROBBED...and so was Oku. Nothing really more to say tbh, her spotlight was stolen and Oku suffered as well. (I mean Kane suffered too, and instead of having Mako’s spotlight stole she ruins other chars spotlight instead and set off a domino effect that’d lead to her and Futaba taking the most spotlight as the game goes on but I dunno I’m just salty 8U) At least how she joins isn’t bad (idea? good. Execution? bad), and the lack of screen time where it went wrong as well. 
As for the other stuff....I agre....tho......here’s the thing (and what makes it murky)...when it comes to Mona....apparently they didn’t translate him well. He’s apparently NOT super mean to Ryu, he’s more of a joking kinda tone (at worst it’s P4 levels of banter, which.....imo is fine in theory since there’s no malice in those) when he does it. Like....take the part in a battle if Ryu misses, he’ll say “GAWD Skull, you’re PATHETIC!” with as much vitriol and contempt one could muster....but in the Japanese it’s like “you lame, lame guy” with an “ahaha haaaaa that was really bad :(” kinda tone (so it’s suppose to be like “haha....that was lame bro”). (he’s also supposed to come off as a wannabe gansta but they didn’t translate that.....unless they meant to translate him being insufferable then well 8U bad choice) So like...anytime he insults Ryu it’s suppose to be in a more friendly joking manner than what we got. This is probably why Ryu kinda lets him walk all over him. Ryu is suppose to be the one that actually fire shots first at Mona, and why it’s keen he apologizes first (that being said, even tho Mona’s shots are more playful/in good faith in the Japanese...I dunno how I feel about him doing that from like...the beginning when he barely knows them. 1) he lacks the familiarity and he does it from the beginning and 2) he lacks being the “mood lifter” that Yosuke’s role is coupled with putting his foot in his mouth, it makes no sense for Mona to be ragging on anyone even playfully). So apparently it’s more of a character assassination from the localization team (guess they didn’t fix it in Royal?). (it’s probably why.....iirc Mona ranked higher than Ryu in one of the first JPN polls?). (I still hate Mona tho, even tho I do know it’s possibly a localization error....I still don’t like him....plus other stuff he does too so...yeah). This isn’t the first time it happened tho in the series.
Past examples: PQ1, as much as I hold it higher than PQ2 all around, did character assassinate Teddy in one aspect. Him with Koro, in Japanese he has a failed but benign nickname/insult for Koro that’s like “puppy-doggy,” they translated it as “mutt” in english. Freaking mutt. I still think they should’ve used “Dawg”, not only is it closer to how the Japanese intended it, but it also works with Teddie already saying “fo’ sho.” Then there’s Yukari.....now I think it’s only with Junpei but apparently she’s more of a motherly scolding type when talking down to Junpei, and it doesn’t translate well in english (this and the “cold woman who keeps her emotions in tact” doesn’t either).....that being said I didn’t see it explaining her other bad behaviors so~! *shrugs*
THAT BEING SAID, man did Ryu come swinging OUT OF NOWHERE around Futaba’s dungeon. Straight up just calling him useless (ironically enough tho......he is) like????? Hold up, who are you and what have you done with my Ryu....but technically it was a bit before Oku’s arc started....and......while JARRING as all get out, it does make some sense.....it’s happened enough times befor Oku’s dungeon that they want to capitalize. And even if Mona’s banter was more in good nature, he and Mona still bantered so him maybe bullying him (partially cause fame is getting to his head now) isn’t TOO far off. 
As for Ryu and wanting fame, I’ll....yield for now. I could’ve sworn Ryu had soooome build up of wanting to use his fame for girls.......Actually, wait, I remembered something (both Ryu and one contradiction, it’s a minor one but yeah, minor compared to other arcs in both multitude and magnitude tbh). I think it’s just he was enjoying the PT’s popularity a little too much (rather than just tied to girls). I feel like it’s an arc he’s going through rather than character assassination, a weird choice (esp since they treat it like a team too later but-I’ll get to that).  I mean like I said with Dungeon 3, they were like “no we aren’t going after who the police are going after..........BECAUSE THEN THEY’LL TAKE THE CREDIT!” Like???? Didn’t think the fame went to your head just yet (you’d think it’d be starting as soon as Kane was caught rather than well prior). And then there’s.....Day Breakers....before we even got the game, happening sometime right as or right before Kane’s dungeon begins....he says some things that confused me. It was something along the lines of not wanting to go after small fish, or they needed a big target (the line was kinda implying eff the little guys)....and it confused the HELL outta me. Because we had JUST GOTTEN an article and Ryu was described as the reason the PT was formed, and everyone was like “Oh he cares so much about the victims!” only for him to not.....really.... with that line....and it was just weird. And while that is Day Breakers (it was made in mind to give us a taste of what was to come).....there’s that line I just mentioned that happens around the same time as DB.....which means the devs planned to this “we want to be popular” back in Mako’s dungeon..... which, in that dungeon it’s weird as hell cause we’re really not that far past them still being like “no save the victims above all else!” but again this change started happening in dungeon 3. Tbh I say this but I bet I can find a line or two around dungeon 1/2 for Ryu showing he’s more than just about victims.....which is weird....this isn’t handled with the delicacy it should if they wanted to go with that narrative....but it’s not all Dungeon 5′s fault tbh.
But that does lead to the contradiction (or I should say it’s weird/doesn’t make sense thing)...... We don’t want to go after Oku cause it seems fishy, and Ryu isn’t happy about it cause he wants to but yields, then Mona gets mad at Ryu (probably from being called useless, you know, cause Ryu’s been firing actual shots lately unlike Mona but the eng audience doesn’t realize it cause bad translation). But still he gets mad at the ONE PERSON who also wants to go after Oku???? That’s so counter productive??? And iirc then the game goes from the group being “we need to not go after Oku cause it seems sketch despite knowing what we know” to “of course we’re going after him! and *gasp* I can’t believe he’s done this! Even tho we’ve known about it we’ll be surprised! Also we’re ALL now responsible for having popularity go to our heads u_u” despite the fact we’re kinda only going after him cause of Haru’s plight (which is also where PQ2′s bold face lie comes in). 
Frankly I think Ryu and Mona should’ve been volatile to each other from the get go (just a mutual hate, iirc maybe similar to Mark and Nanjo from P1). Just complete animosity, and both being at fault by the time dungeon 5 happens. With both apologizing at the end. OR, make the Oku dungeon a place where the whole team is split (kinda like the Namatame TV scene in P4). Like I said good potential, just bad execution. 
Oku’s dungeon’s writing isn’t good by any stretch of the means. But a lot of stuff is either translation issues, or shitty seeds that were laid a lot prior t o this dungeon (and thus not really it’s fault it came about, its job is to resolve/capitalize on those seeds now). Kane’s? Literally trying to uproot and lie about an arc, not even laying seeds like Ryu, just straight up lying. Characters won’t act exactly like they used to. Oku’s Mona takes up a lot of Haru’s screen time, but in Kane’s the game literally bends to Mako’s will to get her into our team. 
Oku’s plot, while fumbled is plausible: Two chars who fight the entire game finally blow up, one runs off and ends up dragging in and recruiting another char who ironically is connected to our target....and is dragged in because Mona was near said target....cause she’s his dad....As opposed to Kane where: An adult thinks it’s a good idea to ask a normal student to look into something that cops usually look into (TWICE) even tho all he needs is a list which he should be able to provide due to having a bunch of names dropped the day of the confession and thus not actually NEED her or the events to even take place. Or the fact that the game seems to think Mako’s situation is any way plausible to ever happen and thus be taken seriously, along with all the character/story consistency being thrown out the window. 
Like I like Ryu and hate Mona, but....Ryu has some flaws tbh.....beyond just harassing Anne, he’s not perfect and that’s ok (tho how they handle any and all of it is not ok). Some seem counter intuitive to his apparent good boi nature. He’s kinda like Makoto with writing inconsistencies, but he’s limited to like....two diff modes while Mako is whatever the writers feel like atm consistency be damned. 
Also here’s the thing with Car Mona part.......either the writers forgot (wouldn’t be surprised)......or....they’re ignoring what they did. Mona literally states he needs someone to drive him when he first transforms:
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Perv pyramid scene doesn’t really show Makoto driving-driving (she could just be gassing it while leaning, but like.....how much do we have to turn this wheel-whatever that’s not the issue here). Only time he is driving without input is when the team gets dragged into PQ2 (which makes sense), or with the Showtime (btw I hate these and that damn star), but the star “making the impossible possible” makes that make sense..... But this.....shows it means Haru must’ve tried to run us over. Now grant it she’s on Mona’s side, but it really begs the question....was it her idea or was it Mona’s? Or can Haru just not drive? I can def see Mona telling Haru to floor it tho, and her being like “Sure thing Sensei!” 
Oku’s arc, while badly written (and stuff setting it up was also badly written), makes some logical sense (execution was flubbed, but I can see it working at least  with someone more competent). Kane’s doesn’t make any sense on any level...and is badly written. It’s just, whatever Oku’s does (writing wise), Kane’s does worse and goes farther in making sure it’s worse. It’s like comparing two rotten apples. Oku’s is half rotten (not completely rotten, there’s still some non corrupt parts to that apple, but still rotten), and Kane’s is completely rotten (a mushy mess, nothing redeeming, rotten to the core). Both are bad, both are rotten, but one’s more far gone. 
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realitachifacts · 5 years ago
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Well that’s actually funny you said that because I was originally going to ask your thoughts on the whole Sasuke/Itachi dynamic. Like if you felt that Itachi knew he was going to be brought back after his first death to guide Sasuke etc. And if he planned on Sasuke changing his mind about Konoha...but then I thought maybe you didn’t want to get into the whole discussion so my question shifted haha
yessss okay. no don’t worry i LOVE answering character analysis stuff because (serious) writing is like My Thing so…
TL;DR:
“Thoughts on the Itachi & Sasuke dynamic?” As with most things in Naruto I like what it could have been, not what it actually was.
“Did Itachi know he was going to be brought back after his first death to guide Sasuke?” No.
“Did he plan on Sasuke changing his mind about Konoha?” I’m gonna assume you mean about planning to destroy it instead of return after Itachi’s death. In which case, no.
detailed explanations under the cut.
to answer your initial question, i don’t think that itachi knew he was going to be brought back after his first death. i mean, primarily, how would he know, and additionally, if he did, he would have worked it into his master plan for sasuke. during their final battle together at the hideout, it was relatively evident that itachi had been planning every single thing he did in advance; the only thing sasuke did that seemed to even remotely surprise him was breaking his tsukuyomi/genjutsu. itachi’s primary goal for sasuke was to have him return to the village, and although his characterization is inconsistent due to just straight up bad writing, i still think this was the most feasible desire of itachi’s for an outcome. i want to get into a hypothetical post-resurrection plan of his but i actually haven’t really gotten to edo tensei itachi yet and only know about the tail end of it up to his final apology. i’m almost there though so i might elaborate on this (and might have a changed opinion) when i do.
secondarily, i don’t think he planned on sasuke wanting to destroy konoha at all. however, i don’t think he would have particularly cared. in terms of priorities, it has always been sasuke, then the village, then anything else. i think by his resurrection he’s witnessed sasuke’s potential and seems to give him more mental autonomy and views him with more equality than through a patriarchal-fraternal lens (again like… this is from what i’ve seen of it). if it was possible that he could have stopped sasuke in a way that didn’t kill him (clearly mere harm isn’t a concern) and saved the village, he would have done it, but he’s even canonically threatened to leak village secrets if sasuke was threatened in any way, so his little brother held high priority above konoha. if sasuke was being seen more on an equal level, and stated he felt wronged by the village and was going to attack it, with itachi having no possible way of stopping him without him ending up dead, itachi probably would’ve helped. he isn’t a particularly vengeful person, especially considering he was never afflicted by the curse of hatred. causing injury, pain, or death to another individual was done by itachi on a cost-benefit analysis, with a purported preference for avoiding injury; as with most characteristics stated that one of the characters has, it is not backed strongly by any canon evidence besides severe amounts of retcon that heavily conflict with existing source material. but that’s a whole other rant lmao.
finally, i really really liked the connection the two of them had as children. i wish itachi could’ve lived instead of dying of not useful to the plot anymore let’s give sasuke more emotional pain disease. i wish itachi could’ve become hokage. it’s pretty obvious that a forehead tap and a few words isn’t anywhere close to reconciliation (huh, that might be a hereditary pattern) or even a hug, and a redemption arc mainly given via word of mouth is… agh, not great. i think sasuke’s healing would progressed faster and further if itachi stayed around, since the sort of closure he would need is so different than what, say, naruto would need. itachi’s existence would have to be prolonged. plus i wanted him to live longer in general lmao, and they really could’ve saved his character in more than just a how he is in canon way; what i mean by that is they could have made him more consistent and fleshed out his motives so that he’s both more sympathetic and human- although i find him to be a highly sympathetic character, i also have a personal habit of falling for the “good guy all along”/seeing the best in everyone narrative, which i try to remove myself from when doing source analysis. for anyone more critical of media this… is a very good example of how not to try to make a villain likable. i think they each could’ve learned from each other and gained so much by itachi living. because the writing itself seems to intrinsically categorize the characters as “good” or “evil” and act as if suddenly you can move from one box to another and gain or lose audience sympathy. i mean, it’s a shonen, sure, so these concepts are simplified. but this becomes highly difficult with characters like itachi, who it is literally incapable to just move into a good box and make compelling unless there was actual foreshadowing up until that point. it’s why so many people have issues with things like talk-no-jutsu; suddenly making a character who’s done horrible things “good” doesn’t make them good, it makes them morally gray at best, and trying to shove them cleanly into “good” categorization is messy and it doesn’t feel right. umm i’m getting really off-topic here.
yeah! hope i answered at least some of your questions. thank you for asking!!
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fair-fae · 6 years ago
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I may be late on asking this, but do you mind relaying what happened with Dragon's Crown/Fairwind Ventures? I can't seem to find anything about it.
Hi, anon! I’m gonna dump a lot of links/logs here because I’m tired of answering questions about it haha (that’s not a complaint against you, just trying to compile something for convenience)! Here is my take on things and my experiences.Logs, links, and screenshots for any further info anyone needs below.
Abuser Enabled 1#: BradBack in the day, Alrik Dotharl/Alrik Azimcrest/Vhalken/Zack Leingod/Julian hung around with and defended someone pretty notorious now for being a serial sexual harasser across various MMO’s named Brad. Many of his friends both past and current took it to the level of mocking the victims who had spoken out. Alrik stuck by this dude’s side for years and only seemed to stop when iirc they had some kind of personal falling out. All it takes is a Google or tumblr search of any of Brad’s more well known monikers to see some of the things he’s done but for kicks, here’s my personal experience with him, which is how I met Alrik. I don’t have any logs of Alrik defending Annexious because that was in WoW which I didn’t play and before my time in MMO’s in general, but if anyone has receipts, feel free to get at me.Abuser Enabled #2: Jon
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Here’s a fun graphic to break up the monotony of all this text!
Tiddygate started when I made a post about not understanding the appeal of giant anime tiddies. R’khan/Hiko Mitsunari/Rhymor/Jon immediately jumped onto my case with some passive aggressive replies that ended with him cherry-picking a gif of the most boobyrific of Tifa’s inconsistent character models over the years which was still pretty tame-looking, which has been lost to the void since I didn’t bother replying and Jon has since deactivated his tumblr.Several members of Dragon’s Crown began to jump onto my case about it, apparently believing it was about their FC leader Aelorelle Vallancourt/Rosie (you can see one example from Miss-Dae in the first link in this section). People began to send Aelorelle anons about the situation insinuating I was talking about her which she posted openly and with no quarrels. I also received an anon insinuating there were claims that Aelorelle or I had copied the other with our characters, which was… strange because I had never seen that or mentioned it on my blog, which leads me to wonder if those were also rumors started by Dragon’s Crown. Others received and posted anons and their own insistence about how I was going after Aelorelle because my RP partner reblogged some artwork of her character–something easily disputed by looking at his blog (which I can assure you has plenty of saucy pictures/artwork of sexy ladies that I don’t bother to harass lol) and the notes on the image post that was never liked or reblogged by him.I got fed up and made another post on the subject, which Jon assumed was about him and once more responded aggressively. Here’s more of his responses and some other’s claims about him. And for fun, here he is pulling the “ummm do you even know Final Fantasy games lol???” again with someone who said they personally don’t believe in IC limit breaks despite him repeatedly whining about other’s character’s being OP or illogical which you can see he tried to spin to me as someone telling him he’s not lore abiding for not RPing an “average joe.”Here is Alrik’s conversation with me about the situation, in which he denies his claims about telling others I wanted to ERP with him (which by now a third person with no knowledge the other two had told me this has come forward to tell me Alrik made these claims about me), tries to get me to talk to someone I want no contact with to try to turn me against my RP partner Val, and then after finding out I’d had issues with her conveniently shirks the blame onto her after admitting there was no other basis for the rumor he’d spread, but asks me not to do anything about it so she won’t find out he tried to throw her under the bus despite someone close to her later vouching she’d had nothing to do with this and insisting Aelorelle had made up that rumor herself.You can also see where he mentions something about being told Val claimed he was RPing with some chick Alrik wanted to ERP with, an out of context snippet of conversation that happened in Teagen’s Discord after we were coaxed to vent about Alrik and Jon which we assumed would be semi-confidential and Val mentioned something along the lines that Alrik was acting bitter that he was “RPing with the girl he wants to ERP with,” alluding to Alrik repeatedly lying that I wanted to ERP with him.Lost in the depths of Skype being an awful program is Val letting me know Alrik had contacted him to warn him that he had information on him via Tex, which are the threats I mention Julian making to Val.Here is my conversation with Teagan/Shiloh Artorian, with more of Alrik spreading the baseless claims that my post was about Aelorelle and fueled by jealousy, and a lot of talk about the dynamic among how this group of “friends” act toward each other.But alas, in the end, sweet vindication! Or is it? We’ll get back to that later…Abuser Enabled #3: AustinAlistaire Dietrich/Reiji Inazuma/Raiden Hayabusa/Batuhan Dotharl/Austin are where most people became aware of the problems.Teagan contacted me about the issue. She then made this post. And later contacted me again in regards to this post against her, made by one of Alrik’s friends/Dragon’s Crown’s members and supported by a few others in the notes. With all the heat and scrutiny from the community, Austin was eventually removed from Dragon’s Crown.Here Austin made a public apology a couple months later that gave no specific details despite making no personal apologies to Shiloh. His apology was applauded and immediately reblogged around in support by Alrik and many of Dragon’s Crown’s members praising his bravery. But what could have prompted this public apology? Oh, gee… the fact they were trying work him back into the FC as measly 2 - 3 months after his offense as seen here with additional claims about how Alrik had remained in contact with Austin in the notes, letting him remain in the Discord and playing WoW with him as well as here.Dragon’s Crown soon made an apology giving excuses for their behavior and calling Austin’s sexual harassment “very poor decisions of a sexual nature.” Despite some of Dragon’s Crown’s more loyal members again patting the leadership on the back and proudly passing around the apology, it was not well-received by the community. People who were upset with the leadership’s decisions left. Some who stayed sadly were harassed by those in the community who thought their FC tag meant they’d been complicit in everything. The leadership bailed to go lay low in WoW and leave the few who were willing to stick around and give them another chance to deal with all the fall out in a crumbling FC.Here’s Shiloh contacting me again, with some more insight into this social circle’s dynamics, and some logs from her conversation with Alrik in which he admits he’s going to continue being Austin’s friend and doesn’t care what the community thinks because he doesn’t care what Austin did.As seen in one of the links above, one of Crown’s officers, Sigrid, also contacted me trying to gaslight me and blame my reblogs to bring awareness to the situation for the harassment some of Crown’s members were receiving despite no reason to believe they had aaaany relation to me (rather than blame the people sending the hate anons, or Crown’s leadership for their poor handling of the situation, or Austin for causing the situation in the first place by sexually harassing someone) with some trusty passive aggression and misinformation thrown in for good measure in a ploy to get me to pipe down and delete my posts so they could try to slip everything under the rug as usual.With Dragon’s Crown slow death, things calmed down… until patch 4.4 came around and a few of the characters left in Dragon’s Crown began to become active again and suddenly another vapid and suspiciously timed apology, this one just happening to coincide with new content and Julian and Aelorelle resubbing to transfer to Mateus and start a new FC with Shiloh of all people.This apology was, like the last, not received well, but this time people were no longer afraid to speak out about their own experiences. In the notes of the previous link to the apology, you can find numerous people recounting their experiences (I’ve received some from anons, as well), but perhaps the most telling is Najikat’s story. Please note the discrepancies when comparing Naji’s experience and Alrik’s new apology to Dragon’s Crown’s original apology to see just how much lying and downplaying was going on.You can also look in the notes of that post and see that despite me being pestered by people close to Julian trying to defend him and insist that he is cutting the toxic people out of his life, Jon is back in Julian’s new FC on Mateus! Way to cut out the toxic people and not repeat the same mistakes for the… well, I don’t know what time this is now. A big number. I’ve lost count.In my dealings with Julian and the people around him, they had this almost mantra they seemed to repeat anytime that any drama (usually caused by themselves) happened. “I just want to play video games and have fun” (or Aelorelle’s version as seen earlier–”just want to be sweet and run a tavern”). And that’s probably the only thing any of them have said that I know to be 100% true.They want to play video games and have fun. They don’t want anything to get in the way of that or hinder that. Being unknown isn’t fun? Use people as tools for popularity. Your bro getting called out for being a creep isn’t fun? Ignore it, keep being his friend, who cares how he treats other people as long as those people aren’t you or your girlfriend. Getting heat for sticking by your dudebro’s side isn’t fun? Pretend to distance yourself from him but don’t actually do it and make him write some faux apology so you can visibly be friends again once the community moves on. Getting caught still subjecting everyone around you to your creeper friend isn’t fun? Write up some faux apology and when that fails fuck off to some other game where you and your creep friends are unknown and your vidya game fun will be unhindered.Because that’s all it is. It’s all about their enjoyment and fuck anyone who gets hurt because of it. It’s all just fun video games. Your feelings and your justice aren’t fun.
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mustlovelance · 6 years ago
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relationship as equals. I quit Volt/ron because I got so involved in all the theories about kla/nce and hints from VAs that I was legitimately sad about everything.. After s6 got out I started watching and shipping it again bc yaaay loto/llura was Canon and Lance *gasp* complimented Keith. It was true love. And. Then it wasn't. At all. It all disappeared in s7 and Allura came back to Lance. I was again so angry for the producers promised something completely different for Lance than what he
started from and told that making Allu/rance Canon would be disrespectful for the characters. AT LEAST I wanted a scene in which Allura will realize that Lance is a very cool guy that will make her feel like a better person. But no. It was a little patchy but I started to realize that. A lot of things are patchy in this cartoon. And its not as good as Fandom makes it look. So I kinda understand the DreamWorks and Fandom's point of view. That being said you helped me see a lot of this
and I'm grateful for your posts. I'm not sure that I will continue to ship kl/ance although I think that lea/kira is a really cute idea. I'm sorry for this longass ask but I wanted to tell you that you and your opinions are very objective and valid. I think you see the Vo/ltron as it is and not only see the interactions of 2 specific characters. So I'm sorry that you lost followers but I'm grateful that you stay true to yourself. 
i do agree that i thought they were going somewhere with keith and lance’s dynamic, and until s4/s5, i was pretty confident that it could be canon, and i’m disappointed that s7 removed the softness established in s3 even though they trust each other now. 
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canon lot/ura died as soon as we found out what loto/r was doing, so it was before s7. allura and lance had been getting closer even after she started crushing on loto/r (they were basically BFFs), so she didn’t come back to him so much as just see him in a different light over time. as for lance being somewhere different than where he started--the scene in s6 when lance talked about being a heartbreaker showed us what they actually meant: that lance had wanted another fling at first, but he eventually realized that he wanted a serious relationship. i’m not sure what you mean about them saying that all/urance would disrespect the characters--LM just said that allura wouldn’t be using lance as a rebound because she cared about him too much. as for allura realizing that lance is cool--she’s the one who told him that he’s a natural, that he has greatness within, etc. she’s been the most supportive of lance in the whole series. it’s because of lance that she’s been able to unlock certain abilities and feel confident in herself. 
the show isn’t perfect. my sister dropped it a few seasons ago because she was fed up with the multitude of plotlines that she felt were necessary. i’m frustrated with the direction of a lot of plotlines and the inconsistency in certain pre-established themes. overall, i really enjoy it (which is why i’m still watching it), but it isn’t without its flaws. 
leak/ira would be cute to me if it didn’t have certain associations, but if it makes people happy, i certainly won’t begrudge them for enjoying it. as for me, i’ll just use keith’s s3 characterization when i ship kl/ance. 
don’t apologize for long asks! and thanks for the compliment! i love attention, but never at the expense of authenticity. what’s the point if they don’t even like what you truly want to say? but honestly, i wasn’t upset about losing followers so much as amused that it highlighted how inconvenient i am, haha.
anyway--thank you for these asks, anon. i hope that you find happiness in some other part of fandom, whether that’s lea/kira or something else.
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