#are gonna be safe and make it until im at least 30 years old

[tradingjack]

guys don't worry the days are gonna keep going by

[hyoloved]

transSamo w/dubchaeng omg im listening!! 👀

cw//nsfw, mention of a miscarriage

so to give some more background on this au:

sana and momo met through a mutual friend when they were both in college, with momo being in culinary school and sana majoring in fashion design at her college. they hit it off instantly, sana loved how kind and funny momo was, always putting sana first and making her feel special.

they became official after a couple of dates together, and they got married a couple years after college. everyone who knew them could just see how in love they were with each other, they looked at one another with honey dripping from their eyes.

they also felt extremely safe with each other. since they're both transgender, they could understand each other's struggles with dysphoria and bring comfort during harder days.

sana especially had bad dysphoria. she could barely get out of bed some days without breaking down in tears. momo was always by her side during these tougher days, reassuring her that she's a beautiful woman and how he'll always love her, no matter what.

adding on to the more softer intimate moments, they had a pretty active sex life together. momo was amazing when it came to aftercare, despite him being the one penetrated, he wanted sana to feel comfortable after sex every single time. he would often crack jokes to try and make sana feel better during sex (ie telling her to pretend she has a strap on), which definitely helped her a bit.

although they did get kinky quite a lot, that will be saved for another post :)

they decided to have kids when they were both around 25, ready to settle down and start their family. they knew they wanted to try and have biological kids, but it obviously came with a cost. momo had to stop taking testosterone for 3 months before he could safely try for a baby. he was still fertile, but he wanted a higher chance of getting pregnant, so he knew he had to stop for a while.

since momo already had a bigger tummy than most guys, he was able to hide his pregnancy belly for a while. sana was so caring towards him during the whole process, constantly buying him gifts and making sure he was comfortable.

during momo's first pregnancy, he unfortunately had a miscarriage during the 2nd trimester. this broke sana and momo's hearts, as they had already prepared everything for the baby and they were over the moon to finally start a family and become parents.

momo dealt with bad depression for a while, feeling like the miscarriage was his fault and it was his own body's problem. both him and sana went to therapy together so they could properly grieve the loss of their baby, and this gave them the strength and motivation to try again for another child.

luckily, the second pregnancy was a success and momo eventually gave birth to a healthy baby girl, dahyun.

dahyun was an easy baby to say the least, she didn't cry much and she slept well during the night. when she was only around 9 months old, sana and momo were ready to try for another baby. they always told themselves they wanted at least 2 kids, and with how perfect dahyun was, they figured they should try early.

the third pregnancy went well until momo needed to have an emergency c-section at 30 weeks because the umbilical cord was tied around the baby's neck. the surgery went well, but since the baby was born premature, they had to stay in the NICU for a while.

momo was terrified out of his mind, and his anxious feelings about his body being the problem came back. he was worried that the baby was gonna pass away, and sana's heart hurt seeing him so hard on himself for something he can't control.

the baby did turn out okay, but then they had to deal with poor colicky chaeyoung.

chaeyoung was a total 180 from calm and easy dahyun. not that sana and momo minded, they loved their daughter regardless, they just didn't get as much sleep after she was born.

the girls are now 18 months old and 3 years old respectively, and they're doing great! chaeyoung is in the process of an ADHD diagnosis (probably inherited from sana, as sana has adhd and autism) and she got diagnosed with celiac disease at around 6 months. dahyun has a few allergies but nothing too serious, and sana is already suspecting that she might have autism, but she knows how hard it is for girls to get a diagnosis, she herself didn't get one until she was in her early 20's.

if you'd like to hear more about this au, please send over some asks in my inbox!! i absolutely love this au and i'd be happy to talk about it more :))

[xpeachesncream]

perfectly wrong | one

summary: there were rules that had to be followed: no one could know about you two, there was no ‘getting to know each other,’ and there was absolutely no emotional attachment allowed. if this could be done, there should be no complications. but somehow, the rules always get bended.

pairing: reader x fuckboy!kth

genre: college au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2301

chapter warnings: cussing, mature language, very slight angst, some hints of jealousy, alcohol consumption

notes: pls remember that this is set a few months after you and tae have been going at it, so it will seem like things are happening a bit fast. i’m not trying to prolong this series. also most importantly, i tend to usually write shorter chapters > shorter, but more chapters published. enjoy!

> series masterlist <

Jungkook decided he was going to see if he could jump over your couch and land perfectly in a seated position.

"Wait, wait, wait. Absolute silence everybody." He says as he's stretched over, trying to estimate the timing and height of his jump. He had always been super athletic and competitive since you two were small, so there was really no changing his mind on this. He always had to prove something, even if that meant creating his own competition of jumping over the couch.

"It's just me and you." You watched him from the kitchen, making sure the pizza in the oven was baking properly.

"I have an audience, okay? Don't be rude, Y/N." He says as he points over to the fake audience clapping and laughing during a 'Friends' episode.

"Whatever, as long as you don't go breaking my shit, Jeon Jungkook." He was 22, but his mentality was 8. That was for damn sure.

"Siiiiiiilence." He says at a whisper, his eyes shut as he puts a finger to his mouth. He lets out a huff and a puff before he gets the courage to throw himself over the couch and land a perfect landing. "And once again, he sticks the landing!" He stands up with his hands up in the air.

"You're annoying." You laughed, getting paper plates ready for the pizza that was about to be done because you were in no mood to do any dishes tonight.

"Thank you! I'll be here again tomorrow, same time." He calls out to his fake audience.

"No the hell you're not."

"Ouch, nevermind. Someone apparently doesn't want me here." You laugh at how dramatic he is. At this point, you just let him be because that was something you always loved about your bestfriend. He embraced the kid in him and always brought good times. You had similarities, but you also had some major differences. You liked being in your comfort zone & you were labeled the innocent nerd amongst your friends. You just like to consider yourself simple, though. A 'take it day by day' kind of person. Kookie was fun, adventurous and childish at times. He was also shy, but loud at the same time? An introverted extrovert, you could say.

But you loved each other nonetheless, that's why you've clicked so well since you were young. You taught each other things & grew together.

"Here, fool." You placed the pizza in front of him with the paper plates.

"Set it up, I'll grab us the drinks. You want anything in particular?"

"That bottle of Stella Rosa, please." JK knew you loved that Stella Rosa, so he happily grabs the bottle and two wine glasses. He plops back next to you on the couch, pouring your glasses and grabbing a heaping serving of 4 slices of pizza.

You both decided you want a good laugh, so you throw on Kevin Hart's newest installment: Zero Fucks Given. It isn't long before you both are rolling on the floor, almost gasping for air at how much you're laughing at Kevin Hart's stand up. The pizza is gone, the wine is gone, and you're still feeling pretty tipsy. The whole thing sounds nice, until your head starts to wonder what Taehyung is doing and if he'll text you to come over tonight. You know he probably already has plans with another chick though, and that hits you.

Curse this fucking alcohol.

Let's get this straight - the only time you 'talk' is when he's trying to fuck.

And yes bitch, you let him do this to you. You're out that door before you can even fully slip your shoes on. Dick is just that good. It's something about Taehyung that makes you addicted. The way he gives you a stupid ass smirk when he opens his door, the way he touches your skin and gently lays his shit on you until you both become really invested in the moment. So invested that shit hits the roof. It gets messy. It gets rough. It becomes unspeakable.

You aren't friends. No one knows about you two, or that you even know the other exists. You don't know shit about each other. The only thing you know is that he's fucking other girls. He has a whole roster, you'd imagine - a starting five, at least.

He doesn't care about you, and for the most part, you don't either. At least, that's what you like to portray because it's been some months now since this whole thing started and you can't help but feel some kind of emotional tie to him. You're leaving your house between 12-2am in the morning and sleeping in his bed until 6-7am. It's a routine; a routine you've become used to. You skip out on some late night kick-its with your friends cause you anticipate a text to come through from him.

But, he doesn't care. You aren't the only female slipping into those sheets, and boy does it fucking make it hard to swallow. Reality hits hard when you think about it and you feel this huge pit in your stomach. You try to be different, you try to stand out one way or another. But it doesn't work that way. You knew what this entailed going into it, so it makes zero sense as to why you're hurting and getting jealous from time to time.

You know it still doesn't matter to him.

He's only fucking you over cause you let him. You know damn well you're not gonna change and let this go, though. You love thrill of it too much. It's the most thrill your life has had. You're not perfect and you're only human. You make mistakes, but this one definitely puts the cherry on top. Because not only do you refuse to learn, but you let it repeat itself over and over again.

"Aishhhh, my stomach hurts from laughing too much." Jungkook laid his head back and patted his belly. "But that was good though. I needed that."

"Yeah it was. Thanks for coming by to watch that with me, Kook." He tilts his head over to look at you and smiles.

"Sure thing." He checks his phone and sits up. "Yoongi is blowing up the group chat." You check your phone to see multiple unread messages from none other than Min Yoongi himself.

[yoongi] 10:37pm: aye

[yoongi] 10:45pm: all of a sudden, everyone is ghost in this group chat?! you all had a lot to say not too long ago.

[yoongi] 10:52pm: even though you guys are fake as fuck, does anyone wanna come with me to the bars tonight? meet at my place so we can head out.

You and Jungkook laughed at how butthurt Yoongi was in the groupchat. Yoongi definitely was the most serious and blunt one in your group, but he still liked to party and have a good time. It was just how he was. Hoseok was always full of energy and probably the most extroverted one out of all 4 of you. He was never shy. You and Jungkook met Yoongi and Hoseok your first year in college and became inseparable ever since. You all just click with your different attributes.

[jungkook] 10:53pm: lmaoooooooo

[yoongi] 10:53pm: fuck you dude lol

[jungkook] 10:54pm: i'll come through in a sec, i'm at y/n's right now. not sure if she's gonna come though?

[y/n] 10:55pm: i'll pass, i'm tired and wined out.

[hoseok] 10:55pm: ahahahah yoongi shut up, blowing up my phone for no reason. i'm passing on tonight too. im tired from working that overtime *cries*

[yoongi] 10:56pm: you both are boring. i'm especially offended at how i didn't get an invite to your little powwow, y/n. and now you don't wanna hang out?

[hoseok] 10:57pm: she mentioned she was going to watch kevin hart's thing yesterday and offered us to swing by if we wanted to though....... selective hearing, maybe?

[y/n] 10:58pm: ^ okayyyyy and that's on period! thank you hobi <3

[hoseok] 10:59pm: anything for the baby

[yoongi] 10:59pm: lmao you're a brat, y/n. whatever, i'm still hurt by you both! kook, hurry on over so we can drink

"Fuck I regret this, I'm gonna die." Jungkook laughed as he stood up and stretched. He quickly helped you clean up before he figured it was time to go or else Yoongi would have a fit.

"I feel like it has to do with that one girl he's been talking to on and off."

"Perhaps." Jungkook shrugged before putting on his shoes. "We shall see." he sighs before giving you a tight hug. "You sure you don't wanna come out?"

"Nope."

"You don't even have plans tonight."

"Yes I do."

"Doing what?"

"Laying in bed." Jungkook snorted as you shook your head and shrugged. What else did he think you were trying to do? He should know you by now, at the very least.

"Alright, I'm not even going to argue. I'm off."

"Be safe, have fun, text me if you both need anything, okay?" He nods as he shuts the door, leaving you to your lonesome. You swirled the teeny tiny drop of wine leftover in your glass around before picking up your phone.

No new texts. Well, let's be specific: no new texts from taehyung.

You did forget to respond to your oldest cousin though, when he was just trying to check up on you.

[seokjin] 8:35pm: pssst y/n

[seokjin] 8:35pm: psssssssssst

[seokjin] 8:35pm: oyyyyyyyyyy

He was damn near 30 years old and hated talking on the phone so much that he decides to blow up your phone this way. But, he was the cousin you loved dearly and you had a very tight, sibling-like relationship with him. He was like the older brother you've always wanted. He watched you grow, protected you, kept you safe, supported you and cheered you on - especially when your family talked so much shit about how you and him weren't gonna get anywhere with your goals. You know, the fucking stupid ol' saying of 'chasing your passion isn't going to bring you money & wealth.' Your family was all about the titles and money, but Jin was passionate about cooking and wanted to open his own cafe. You, on the other hand, wanted to pursue your art. Jin was the biggest role model for you because he was the first to defy your family's wants and wishes. He was the black sheep of the family with a huge 'I don't give a fuck' mentality and he taught you that along the way.

Don't ever be afraid to do what you're passionate about. Fuck 'em.

[y/n] 11:13pm: hi sorry, jungkook was over and we were watching kevin hart's new thing on netflix over some wine and pizza.

[seokjin] 11:15pm: that sounds fun! sorry, i just wanted to check on you but i see you're doing okay lol

[y/n] 11:16pm: i am. :) i'll hang out with you tomorrow

[seokjin] 11:16pm: how sweet, my freeloading baby cousin is coming by

[y/n] 11:17pm: hahahah shut up! although you're not wrong, i am going to steal some food. but most importantly, i do want to hang out and see my bestest oppa <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: awww y/n, you're so full of shit <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: go to bed

[y/n] 11:19pm: haha love you tooooo

And so, that's what you did. You got yourself all ready for bed, believing you wouldn't be leaving your house tonight. You pampered yourself, put on a face mask and got yourself all lathered up in lotion just to lay down. You're in Jungkook's shirt that he left behind (and never looked for, so technically it's yours now) when the guys had stayed the night and some Vicky Secret panties.

You're scrolling through your Instagram feed, seeing Jungkook's newly posted story with him and Yoongi already at the bars, acting a damn fool. You laughed at the video he took of Yoongi trying to dance in a tight, awkward space on the crowded dance floor even though he was never the best at dancing. It lowkey made you wish you went out with them so you wouldn't be stuck here thinking about your feelings and how lonely these hours get.

And then you see Jimin's story from an hour ago. He knew you were friends with Yoongi, and although Yoongi wasn't fond of their group too much, he was still an avid party-goer and mingled with people there. You've only spoken to Jimin once because you had to work with him in the same group on a class assignment. You tried to keep it that way though because he was Taehyung's bestfriend. They went everywhere together, did everything together. He, too, was very popular among the ladies and across campus. I guess it was just their thing.

You assume they were at a party cause Jimin quickly flashes the camera at Taehyung, who's in front of him getting a lapdance from some chick. Jimin quickly turns the camera back to his face as he's laughing uncontrollably then abruptly cuts it off.

Great.

She's forsure going home with him tonight.

You set your phone down on the night stand and put on a show on your laptop to help you fall asleep.

Just as you're about to get some shut eye, your phone vibrates. You let it slip at first because you thought it could be one of the guys playing around, but it vibrates again, signaling another text coming through. You pick up your phone just to make sure Yoongi and Jungkook aren't in any trouble and need you to bail their asses out.

[taehyung] 12:17am: hey

[taehyung] 12:20am: come over.

You scoff at how he assumes you're still up and that you'd be coming over. You hated that. He knew he just had your ass.

undefined

track two: hit different - sza & ty dolla $ign

[finalgilmoregirl]

just in time (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: bucky hears your music in the middle of the night, and sees you in your natural state for the first time. lightly inspired by the song ‘just in time’ by tony bennett !

warnings: none :) just fluff !

a/n: ooooo first one-shot & it’s of bucky! yay! i hope you enjoy this, ive had this idea in my head for weeks & im glad i’m finally writing it. acne is something i struggle with so i can relate to this and maybe you will too! <3 also sorry for any mistakes!!

————————————

It was another one of his many sleepless nights. Even after months of therapy and his nightmares actually lessening, there still came nights where he was afraid to go to sleep. No matter how comfortable he got, Bucky was still anxious at the thought of his mind forcing him to dream of his old life, afraid of seeing the faces of the innocent souls he killed.

He couldn’t stand just laying in the dark either. Bucky felt like he should’ve been doing something if he wasn’t sleeping, but he felt far too tired to even want to do anything else than sleep. All he wanted was to relax.

As he turned over for what felt like the hundredth time, he heard something. At first he thought it was someone talking, but the voice didn’t sound like anyone he knows in the compound....’Is that music?’ he thought.

The song sounded familiar, and thanks to his super-soldier hearing, he was quick in identifying the specific voice. Tony Bennett.

He was a fan of the singer. When he was busy catching up on music and pop culture, he found himself listening to music from the 40s and 50s the most. He felt at home listening to songs with big bands playing in the background and raspy voices singing the lyrics.

He was no longer tired as he pulled the messy covers off of his body and began to stand up. He was curious to know who was listening to music at this hour. Maybe even praise them for their good music taste. As he walked down the hall to the door next to his, he was pleasantly surprised to learn the music was coming from your bedroom. He could see the dim light coming from under your door, and now he was curious to why you were up so late, seeing it had to be at least 2:30 right now.

Surprisingly, Bucky wasn’t as nervous as he thought he would be, considering he was standing at your door in the middle of the night. He’s had a growing crush on you since you first joined the team, around 4 months after he did. Now it being a little over a year and a half since you joined, he’s gotten comfortable around you to the point where he can talk to you about most things, even the nightmares that came back now and then.

And of course you had the same feelings for him, he was just as suave as you imagined, him being known as a ladies man in the 40s. Although he was more timid now, after getting him to open up, you would’ve never guessed how much of a delight he was to be around.

He knocked on your door, and it wasn’t until after he did that he realized what he was doing. ‘Knocking on a girls door in the middle of the night, are you crazy?’, he thought as he felt his heart beat a little faster. ‘What if she was asleep? What if she was working on something? What if she had company?’

All those thoughts cleared in a second however, when you opened the door and looked up at Bucky’s tall frame in the dark hallway. You were wearing a t-shirt that was definitely 3 sizes too big, and biker shorts that peeked out the bottom of the shirt. Your hair was in a ponytail, fly aways and loose strands framing your face. He looked at your face once again, barely visible in the dark light, Bucky only able to make out your eyes and lips.

“Bucky? What’s up?”, you asked, a hint of confusion and even worry in your voice. Bucky forgot why he was here until he heard the music again.

“I couldn’t sleep and I heard your music. Just thought I’d come by to see where it was coming from.”, He said, shrugging his shoulders and putting his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry! Did I wake you?”, You quickly asked, now feeling guilty at the thought of him not being able to sleep because of you.

“No, no! I was tossing for hours doll, don’t worry it wasn’t you. Just couldn’t sleep, is all.”, He assured you.

You sighed in relief as you opened the door more, wordlessly inviting him in. He accepted your silent offer and sat on your bed as you went to the record player in the corner of your room, turning it down a little, so you would be able to talk without having to raise your voices too loud.

“You like Bennett?”, Bucky asked, sitting on your bed. You giggled and turned to where he was, and nodded. “Yeah. Something about music like this just makes me feel safe. I don’t know it’s weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird. I love it. Reminds me of the good ol days.” he said, laying back on the bed with his hands under his head, even though the pillows were just a few feet away. You hummed as a way to show him you understood.

“Sorry I don’t look presentable. I wasn’t really expecting guests.” You laughed with a hint of nervousness, sitting cross legged and facing him.

He furrowed his brows and turned his head, and that’s when he got a clear view of your face.

Your bare face.

He was a little surprised to say the least. He’s never seen you without makeup. In the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always worn it every single time he’s seen you. Always powdered up to perfection with your long lashes curled and shimmer making your face look almost reflective in the light. But this was the opposite and he was at a loss for words.

“You- You’re not- your face....”, he stuttered. He didn’t mean for it to come out as mean. If anything his heart was soaring at the sight of you. However you thought differently.

“Jeez Buck. Way to make a girl feel good about herself.”, you said, covering your reddening cheeks with your hands. “What you’ve never seen a girl without makeup? I knew it was bad but I-“

“No no no!”, he interrupted. He lightly grabbed your wrists and lowered them, so he could get a good look at you. “I was just surprised. You look just as beautiful without it. I’ve never seen you without makeup and I just, wow. You look adorable.”

He started to observe your clean face, taking in every freckle and scar. Every little splotch of red and the light bags under your eyes. He was seeing a side of you he’s never seen before, and another side he fell in love with after only seeing it for a second.

“Oh stop.”, you rolled your eyes. “I wear makeup so you wouldn’t have to see my flaws, not so you can stare at them.” she joked, but Bucky could tell this was something she struggled with.

“C’mon doll you think a few scratches are gonna scare me away? You think I like my scars? Nothin’ to be ashamed of.” he said, patting your leg and sitting up to be at eye level with you, even though he still had to look down, him being taller and all.

You looked so natural and pure. Glowing, even although that could’ve just been the lotion you’d applied earlier. You felt your cheeks burn for a different reason too. He said you were beautiful in what you thought was one of your worst states.

“I don’t think you should wear makeup anymore.”, Bucky stated, confidently. You snorted at that.

“Of course I have to wear makeup Buck, I have to look presentable. I can’t let people see me like this.”, you sighed.

“Well at least don’t wear it so much around me. It’d be a shame if I didn’t see this at least once in a while.” he yawned, laying down, this time his head on a pillow.

This wasn’t unnatural, you had movie nights and hung out in your room in the past. He knew he was getting brave though, falling asleep on your bed, when you hadn’t even invited him in the first place. But he couldn’t help it. He actually felt relaxed.

“Alrighty then, Soldier. I’ll try not to. But just for you.”, you said, nodding. You lied next to him and faced him. You started to feel brave too.

“Y’know...”, you started. “I had a bad dream. That’s why I had my music on. I was hoping it would help me sleep. But I guess with you here, maybe I’ll sleep even better.”

Bucky just smiled. You pulled your thick blanket up to cover the both of you and got comfortable, almost laying on him with how close the two of you were. He draped an arm on your side and continued observing your face. He was still fascinated by it.

And just moments later, you fell asleep. Bucky did too, a few minutes later, with the voice of Tony Bennett playing softly across the room, the song feeling perfect in this moment.

'Cause love came just in time

You found me just in time

Then you changed my lonely life

That lovely day

a/n: thank you for reading!!! :) don’t be afraid to leave a request and tell me what you thought. <3

[dreamiehrs]

a Christmas miracle ➛ z.cl

genre: fluff, comedy/crack, bestfriend!chenle, gender neutral reader, hurt/comfort somewhat

pairing: zhong chenle x reader

word count: 2,588 words

warning(s): some swearing

summary: Christmas had been the same old same old holiday for you and your family for plenty of years now, fully embracing the tradition of meeting up with family, exchanging presents, and enjoying each other’s presence on Christmas day. however, this year seemed to feel quite different, with your family quite literally forgetting that Christmas even existed, and with you all stuck in your apartment alone in the snowy city, you weren’t so sure what you were going to do for Christmas this year. unbeknownst to you, though, your sneaky best friend had a trick up his sleeve, and he was determined to make this Christmas one you’ll remember forever.

note: this is a part of mylin’s @suh-insane​ and sunny’s @neocitybynight​ Walking in a Winter Wonderland collab! this is my first time participating in a collab solely for Christmas, so I hope you all enjoy this fic of mine! Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! I hope you all have an amazing and safe Christmas this year, and I just wanted to let you all know that I appreciate and love you guys so so SO much! (and to the people who don’t celebrate it, I still hope you all have a wonderful day nonetheless!)

prompts chosen: “when we finally kiss goodnight how I’ll hate going out in the storm! but if you’ll really hold me tight all the way home I’ll be warm.” + “that’s what Christmas memories are made from. they’re not planned; they’re not scheduled. nobody puts them in their blackberry. they just happen.”

for the past few months, time seemed to fly by without leaving a trace behind, and before you knew it, it was already Christmas day. if it was any other year, you would’ve woken up earlier, around 6 AM to be precise, and start your trek to your parents house with their gifts in hand. however, since your parents and the rest of your family got caught up in other ordeals, and quite literally forgot that Christmas even existed, you had woken up quite later than 6 AM. 9 AM, if you were being specific.

you had still bought your family presents for Christmas, of course, and took the time to wrap them and spiffy them up yourself with various different kinds of Christmas wrapping paper you’ve collected over the years as a pro wrapper (in actuality, it was just your mother giving you extra wrapping paper when she accidentally bought too much, so you weren’t entirely a pro wrapper, per se). what you were trying to say is that you put a lot of thought into buying and decorating presents for your family, and you were sort of down about how you wouldn’t be able to give them their presents in person this year.

basically, what you were trying to get across is that you quite literally had no plans for Christmas this year, and you were probably going to spend your entire day wailing away in your apartment.

nonetheless, you pulled yourself out of bed after being in deep thought for thirty minutes straight, and decided to actually not wail away in your apartment for the rest of the day. it was time to be festive, you thought to yourself, as you slowly made your way around your room to move your curtains aside to let some sunlight seep in. although you were in a brooding mood, you didn’t entirely want your room to reflect that.

you huff to yourself as you slide your feet against the carpet floor, swinging open your closet doors and glancing over all of your clothes, none of them really catching your attention. you sigh before closing both of your closet doors dramatically, turning around and heading towards your dresser. you can faintly hear your phone buzz on your nightstand as you pull on one of the knobs on one of your dresser drawers that contains your pajama pants. you grab a random pair of snug pajama pants and opt to keep the same pajama shirt you wore to bed last night on before heading to the bathroom to change.

after taking some time to get dressed and brush your teeth, you finally exit your bathroom and toss the pajama shorts you wore last night in your hamper. you snatch your phone and stash it in your pocket before making your way towards your miniature kitchen. you promptly grab your kettle and fill it up with water, waiting for it to reach the third line before placing it on your stove. you move the dial until its exactly on high temperature, and you’re about to start to make yourself breakfast until you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

fed up with how active your phone had been for the past thirty minutes, you finally fish your phone out of your pocket and lean against the counter next to your stove.

your phone contained the usual notifications, such as Instagram likes, Team Snapchat sending you a Christmas snap, your best friend chenle spamming your phone- wait, your best friend chenle spamming your phone? that was FAR from your usual notifications, and you were honestly quite surprised that he was contacting you on Christmas day this year. he’s usually spending it with his family all day, and never texts you back until he gets back home, which is around eight PM.

without thinking, you unlock your phone and tap on the messages icon, and your jaw almost drops when you see how many messages he sent you within the past few hours. since 6 AM, chenle has sent you over one hundred messages, and for once, you were grateful that you were a heavy sleeper, because if you were a light sleeper and woke up to every single one of his messages, you would’ve lost your mind.

you [9:45 AM]: please chenle what do you WANT FROM ME

lele the dumdum [9:45 AM]: WOW YOU’VE FINALLY WOKEN UP FROM UR DEEP SLUMBER

lele the dumdum [9:45 AM]: I THOUGHT U WERE NEVER GOING TO WAKE UP

lele the dumdum [9:46 AM]: took u long enough smh

you [9:46 AM]: ...is this really how you’re going to treat me on Christmas day??

lele the dumdum [9:46 AM]: I treat you like this all the time. what makes you think that today’s gonna be any different?

you [9:47 AM]: …

lele the dumdum [9:47 AM]: anyways… MY GORGEOUS WONDERFUL BESTIE WHAT DO U HAVE PLANNED FOR CHRISTMAS TODAY

lele the dumdum [9:48 AM]: DO ANY OF UR PLANS INVOLVE ME POTENTIALLY COMING OVER??? O.O

you [9:48 AM]: is this why you’ve been spamming my phone SINCE 6 AM!?!?!

you [9:48 AM]: also why were you awake at 6 am anyways

you [9:49 AM]: did your crush finally text you back or are you still drowning in loneliness like usual

lele the dumdum [9:50 AM]: I don’t even have a crush??? who told you that false information

you [9:50 AM]: the little elves running around my house whispered it in my ear last night

lele the dumdum [9:51 AM]: I think you’re going to delusional

you [9:51 AM]: I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case at this point

lele the dumdum [9:51 AM]: MOVING ON

lele the dumdum [9:52 AM]: WHAT DO U HAVE PLANNED

lele the dumdum [9:52 AM]: I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

you [9:53 AM]: me planning to wail in sorrow all day is very important to you??

lele the dumdum [9:53 AM]: ...excuse me what?? UR GOING TO WAIL IN SORROW ALL DAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY!?!?

lele the dumdum [9:54 AM]: this is not acceptable. I am coming over right now to spread some of my FESTIVENESS AND JOLLINESS with you :D

you [9:55 AM]: chenle you really don’t have to-

lele the dumdum [9:55 AM]: TOO BAD IM OMW RN AS WE SPEAK

you [9:56 AM]: at least bring some festivities, games, and snacks with you 🙄

lele the dumdum [9:56 AM]: oh shit you have a point

lele the dumdum [9:57 AM]: BRB ILL BE THERE IN 30

you knew that once chenle had made his mind up about something, he wasn’t going to change it that easily, so it would be futile to try and stop him now. you don't bother replying to his last message, and you shove your phone back in your pocket a few moments before your kettle whistles. you move on from chenle tormenting you for twelve minutes straight and make yourself some tea and breakfast instead.

it was now around 10:30 AM, and you had just finished digesting your breakfast when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket again. you were lying down on your small, beige couch, with your cold tea sat on the coffee table a few feet away. you were still in your pajamas, with no intent of changing into actual clothes anytime soon.

once again, you fish your phone out of your pocket to see what nonsense chenle was texting you this time.

lele the dumdum [10:31 AM]: open up, bitch

you [10:31 AM]: I thought I gave you a spare key??

lele the dumdum [10:32 AM]: shit I forgot it

lele the dumdum [10:32 AM]: anyways OPEN UP

you lazily lift yourself up from off of your couch, grasping your mug of cold tea on the way to the door. you take your time unlocking your door, halfly because you felt like annoying chenle, and halfly because you were just over today in general.

the first thing that stands out to you once you swing open your front door is how different your outfit looks compared to chenle. he was all bundled up with plenty of layers to keep him warm while adventuring the city, and meanwhile you adorned white and pink striped pajamas with socks on. you also noticed that he had a dark grey bookbag on his back, and was holding two full bags in his hands.

the two of you stare at each other for a few more seconds until chenle breaks the silence with: “I think this is the most I’ve seen you look like a complete old person. there have been other times, but the old person persona is just jumping out at me right now.”

you roll your eyes. “don’t say that when you yourself have dressed up as an old person before.”

“yeah, yeah,” he brushes you off, passing by you to slip his shoes off and to take off his five hundred layers. “it doesn’t matter whether you look like an old person, it mainly matters whether you have the spirit of an old person, you know?”

“I cannot comprehend your words this early in the morning. we can have a conversation about whether I act like an old person later.” you say as you watch him remove his large, dark green jacket and place it onto your coat rack. you can hear him scoff at your remark, and you grin as you see the corners of his mouth lift up slightly.

“early in the morning? y/n it’s only-” he pauses to check his phone “10:32 AM. that’s early for you?”

“I woke up at 9 AM, you dum.”

“oh,” he swivels around to face you after taking his shoes off and removing all of his additional layers. “makes sense, I guess. you’ve only been awake for an hour and a half, so you’re probably not fully awake yet. I mean, I’ve been awake since 6 am, and I’m bursting with energy compared to you.”

you give him a deadpan expression in response to what he said, and he can’t help but burst out laughing at your reaction. he steps up beside you and pats your shoulder gently. “well, besides that, I’m gonna be the one who helps you burst with energy like I am right now! follow me!” he whisper-shouts a few inches away from your ear, and you can feel his hand leave your shoulder and grasp your right hand in a matter of seconds.

he leads you back towards your couch, and even somehow manages to help you set your mug down even though he has bags in his hands. the two of you plop down on your couch, and you almost melt at how soft and comfortable your couch was. you closed your eyes for a few seconds as chenle rustled through his bags beside you, and you don’t know how much time has passed when chenle starts to snap his fingers at you.

“y/n, I am not going to deal with your sleepy ass right now. I spent around forty minutes scurrying around the city to find things to lift your mood, and I am not going to let those forty minutes go to waste just because you’re tired.”

you groan and roll to the other side, facing away from chenle. “just five more minutes…”

surprisingly, you’re met by silence in response to your wish of wanting five more minutes of rest, but that silence doesn’t last when you feel something cold touch your face.

you screech and immediately open your eyes to witness chenle pressing an ice cube onto your forehead. you swat the ice cube off of your forehead as quick as you can, and stare up at chenle like he’s gone completely mad. “what was that for?”

he grins proudly. his plan had worked. “awake now? great. now, help me figure out what we should do first.”

“I think you’ve gone mad. I cannot believe you just woke me up by pressing an ice cube onto my forehead.” you complain, still feeling the coldness of the ice cube on your forehead. when you finally move to face him now, you see that he had brought plenty of things for you two to entertain yourselves.

“I could’ve done worse things, like dip my hand into freezing water and press it against your face, but I was feeling generous today, so I decided to spare you the pain.”

you scoff. “right. anyways, what’d you bring?”

he glances at you excitedly before getting into it. “well, I brought plenty of snacks, some fizzy drinks, some board games, some movies I rented that we could watch together, some candy, etc. I honestly brought everything that I thought you would like with me, so I really hope all of this is enough to make your Christmas day a little bit more festive. I may have also bought you a present, but besides that… let’s get this party started! ...y/n?”

he tears his gaze away from the couch to up to your face, and you don’t entirely register that you’re crying until a few minutes after staring into his eyes. “oh, I’m sorry… I just… I’m just really grateful that you decided to come all this way to cheer me up on Christmas day, and you brought so many things with you as well to make me feel better so… thank you, chenle.”

he beams at you even though he can feel a tear threatening to fall from his left eye, and instead of letting you see him cry as well, he quickly wraps his arms around your figure, bringing you into a tight hug. “of course, y/n. you know I’d do anything for you, right? if you’re down, I’m going to cheer you up in some way, shape, or form, and if you feel like watching the world burn, then I’ll be right by your side.”

“awh, stop it, you’re going to make me cry even more.” you faintly hit his back with your hand, and he giggles as a few tears fall down his face.

the two of you stay like that for a good five more minutes, which is enough time for chenle to regain his composure and act like he didn’t shed a few tears in the process. he slowly leaves your grasp, taking a good look at your face and wiping some tears off of your face with his thumb. “you know what I think will make you feel better?”

you grin. “what?”

he smiles before swiveling around to rustle through his bookbag, and your eyes widen when you finally process what he’s up to.

the next moment happens so quickly you can barely register that it’s happening. chenle swivels around with two nerf guns in his hands, throws you one that lands perfectly in your arms, and declares: “me completely destroying you in a nerf gun battle will make you feel better.” before he releases fire on you.

you shriek as you run across your apartment, trying to avoid the plastic bullets that chenle was littering your apartment with. eventually, he does win the battle, and it does make you feel better in the end, but let’s not mention that or else his ego will run wild, alright?

[reidglasess]

Ribs

 Summary: Y/N and Spencer are dating and Spencer came home to and Empty house he called you and you picked up telling him you were around the corner at the pharmacy getting snacks he hangs up and you continue your way home when something happens ( GIF IS NOT MINE) - TELL ME IF I’M MISSING ANY WARNINGS!!!!

Pairing: Y/N x Spencer Reid

Warning: Mentions of death, Mentions of car accident , wholesome ig?

I was in Isle 4 when my Phone rang and i took it out of my pocket and saw Spencer was calling me so i  picked up and he asked me where i was and i tell him that i was at the store and he tells me  i love you  and that he’ll see me home and then hangs up.

 I eventually check out, Only  coming to the store for a box of popcorn some chips and drinks. It was raining and i loved the rain it always felt so calm and relaxing it made you feel at home but one thing led to another and next thing I knew there was a bright light coming closer and closer and just like that I was out and all i remember was feeling cold and sleepy.

It was all Happening so fast you were admiring the rain not paying attention to the road and before you know all of your memories are being played like if it was a movie. The first thing i saw was my very first Memory with Spencer.

It was my First Day working at the B.A.U you were Elle Greenway’s Replacement and to say the least you were nervous and sacred but didn’t let it show, but to your dismay you where greeted by the spill of a very hot liquid on you. The person responsible for the hot coffee spilt on you speaks up and says “ I’M So So So Sorry” he looks at you as if trying to search for any signs of anger but doesn’t find anything i finally speak up and say “ It’s okay it’s not your fault i wasn’t looking where i was going” looking up and finding a man surprisingly taller than me with messy hair and some glasses i manage to remove  my stained shirt and leave myself with a tank top and some jeans and sneakers.

The drink you spilt all over me.

i muster the courage and ask him “ hey do you know where i can find Aaron Hotchner’s office?”  he looks at me funny and takes me to his office and once i get there it turns white and i’m back at my car and all i can hear are voices but i don’t recognize them. One of them tells me “ Miss are you okay, what’s your name, do you know someone who can come and get you.”

'Lover's Spit' left on repeat

But before i can even answer im being sucked into the light again and this time i’m not at the B.A.U i’m with spencer in front of my house and he looking at me and i see him kiss me and once that happened i could feel his lips on mine the love radiating from his body this was mine and spencer’s first kiss he told me if i wanted to be his girlfriend and i said yes, i remember being so happy and excited that i was his and he was mine.

I feel pressure on my chest when i open my eyes i see a man doing movements on my chest i look at him and he’s wearing a medics uniform nest i know there’s flashing red lights and i fall back into a pit of darkness soon turing into light and im back into my memories but this time its different i’m back home with my parents.

My mom and dad let me stay home

Mom Dad!! please let me stay home!!! i don’t feel like going to Auntie Katies house all she does is talk about her and how great her life is going and how she’s way better than us. My Parents look at me and say “ Okay fine but no boy’s no making a mess and don’t open the door to strangers”. I look at them and say “ Thank you so much” 

I hear the voices again they get closer and close until i make them up and i manage to say “ S-S-Spencer” the Medic looks at me and he says “ Who’s Spencer Miss” trying to keep me awake and then i say “ S-Spencer R-Reid” and then after that i knock back out and see more of my lovely memories.

It drives you crazy getting old

Happy birthday to you.. Happy Birthday to you.. Happy Birthday. Dear Y/N Happy Birthday to youuu!!! Claps and whistles can be heard in the meeting room as J.J comes in with a cake with two Candles that have the numbers 30 on them and i think to myself how fast the years have gone by Spencer comes up to me and kisses me on the cheek and says “ Happy birthday Love..”.

We can talk it so good We can make it so divine We can talk it good How you wish it would be all the time

You wake up again feeling even more tired than you were before and this time your laying down and you being pushed on your back on a bed with bright lights on top of you. I being to turn my head when i see Spencer i lift my arm for him and he notices and says “ Y/N please stay with me i can’t lose you i’m nothing without you please please i need you here with me, i was planning on catching you by surprise i was going to propose to you i need you here i want a life with you please don’t leave i love you so much”

I start to feel cold and sleepy and i get brought back to my memories just that instead of reliving them one by one i see all of them at the same time, and i can feel myself start to cry and i no longer feel cold and tired but as soon as the feeling goes away it comes back 1 ten times more worse and i’m at my childhood home and i see my mom she’s looking at me and comes up to me and says “ Y/N baby is that you ?” I walk up to her and say “ Mama ?” she looks at me with a smile on her face and says “ What are you doing here it’s not time yet mija” i look at her in confusion and i say “ Mama am i dead?” he walks closer and says “ No mija your in between you can choose to leave everyone or you can come with me” apart of me wants to leave and another wants to stay.

This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary getting old

Meanwhile Spencer come through the Surgery doors and saw that you were flatlining and he came to your side and said “ Y/N please come back to me don’t leave me yet please i need you the team needs you”

You hear this in your state of mind and you can tell your mom does to and she says “ From the looks of it that boy of yours wants you to come back” i look at her and say “ yeah spencer is great you would love him” i smile at thought of me and Spencer i look at my mom and i say “ Mom.. i think i’m going to back to spencer i need him and he needs me” she smiles and says “ Okay mija i respect that plus i need some. grandbabies..”

Your heart on the monitor begins to beep again and spencer feels a wave of happiness and hope, next thing you know your awake in a hospital bed with and I.V in your arm and a nasal cannula you look around but only see blurry and you speak out in a hoarse voice “ S-Spencer” you try and sit up but he quickly beats you and says “ NO-No don’t get up you can hurt yourself” i look at him and says “ What Happened” he looks down at his hands and says “ what do you remember” i look into the distance and say “ i remember driving back home, admiring the rain next thing i know i’m watching my memories” he looks up from his hands and says “ The roads were wet and slippery some jackass was going the wrong way and crashed into you”. 

( i skipped ahead a few )

You're the only friend I need (You're the only friend I need) Sharing beds like little kids (Sharing beds like little kids) And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (Laughing 'til our ribs get tough) But that will never be enough (But that will never be enough)You're the only friend I need (You're the only friend I need) Sharing beds like little kids (Sharing beds like little kids) And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (Laughing 'til our ribs get tough) But that will never be enough (But that will never be enough)

The nurse came in and asked if spencer was gonna stay and he said yes the nurse left and came back 10 min later with a pillow and blanket for the sofa after she leaves he climbs in next you on the hospital bed and you and him lay there in silence. Knowing that you are once again safe in his arms like many times before feeling that wave of a speedy recovery and you begin to feel sleepy, so you close your eyes and dream about a happy life with spencer.

( she did not die btw)

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[purplesurveys]

1143

survey by brock-checkitout

Do you like cheese? Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.

What type of shampoo do you use? Dove.

Do turtles make you happy? I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))

Name one person who snores in their sleep. Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.

Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses? Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???

Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown? That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.

Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars? Just the cookies and cream variant.

What smiley face do you use the most? :) I very rarely use others.

What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

Do you listen to rap? Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.

Look at something green, does it have batteries in it? That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER? Ink and paper.

What is the last cuss word you said out loud? Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.

Do you like cows? Sure.

What kind of car does your mother drive? These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.

What do you get in your tacos? I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.

What is your opinion on blueberries? As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.

Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick? Nopes.

Is there a bottle of lotion near you? There isn’t.

Name one person that you know that smokes. Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.

What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.

Are any of your friends vegetarians? No.

What is one phrase that you hate hearing? “All lives matter” really pisses me off.

Can you name four presidents right now? Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.

What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD? A jacket.

Do you currently own a cat? Nope.

What do you think of Ulta? I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.

Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke? No.

Do you like classical music? Sure, some.

What is your opinion on Oreos? I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc. 

Do you like Chips-Ahoy? No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.

What did ya think of this survey? It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.

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survey by carolynnnnonia

1. What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30ish.

2. When did you take your default picture? It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.

3. Are you hungry? Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.

4. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.

5. When was the last time you ate ice cream? I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.

6. What computer game is in your CPU? I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.

7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn? You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.

8. What color is your winter jacket?

9. Do you have any siblings? Yup.

10. Would you call yourself skinny? Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.

11. Does your phone take pictures? Yes, 2008 survey, it does.

12. Who is your favorite neighbor? They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.

13. Do you wish at 11:11? No.

14. Have you ever gotten a detention? We don’t have detention here.

15. Do you still watch Disney Channel? Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.

16. Who did you last IM? Angela.

17. Who is your least favorite teacher? Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.

18. What were you doing six hours ago? I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.

19. What is your ringtone? Just the default iPhone ones.

20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it? I had to look this up haha but yeah.

21. Have you ever been to a show? Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.

22. What are some details about your first kiss? Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.

23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend? I went to UP.

24. Have you had any soda today? No and I most likely won’t.

25. What is your favorite scary movie? Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.

26. Do you own a Wii? We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.

27. Did you wear shorts today? I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.

28. Anything fun happening this weekend? There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo

29. What shoes did you wear today? One of my sneakers.

30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.

31. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Nope.

32. What was the last television show you watched? I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.

33. Do you know any other languages? If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.

34. Are you wearing anything green? No.

[splendidlyimperfect]

Sting’s entire life changed when he was eleven years old and his best friend Rogue told a secret that he’d promised to keep. Taken away from the father who abused him and the best friend who’d tried to save him, Sting tried to start a new life with his uncle. But the trauma wasn’t easy to escape, and eventually Sting turned to drinking to forget the things that hurt.

Now he’s an adult, and he hasn’t been sober in years. But when drinking nearly kills him and a near-stranger saves his life, Sting has a chance to turn his life around, and maybe become the man that Rogue deserves to love.

Chapter Summary: Things with Gray and Joel come to a head, and Sting has to push past his own trauma to help. 

Chapters (20/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel & Sting Eucliffe, Gray Fullbuster & Sting Eucliffe, Sting Eucliffe & Weisslogia   Additional Tags: modern au, childhood friends, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, child abuse, alcoholism, drug use, recovery

*tw for description of injuries from abuse *this chapter runs parallel with chapter nineteen and twenty of how to become a wildfire.

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res·cue | \ ˈre-(ˌ)skyü transitive verb : to free from confinement, danger, or evil

.

xx winter age twenty-four

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When Kelly’s name shows up on Sting’s caller ID at two in the morning, he immediately knows that something is wrong.  

“It’s your friend,” Kelly says when Sting answers. “We got a call from the hospital.”  

Continue reading on AO3

A cold sense of dread creeps up Sting’s stomach and through his chest. “I’ll be right there,” he manages. Rogue rolls over, frowning at him and yawning. “It’s Gray,” he says, and Rogue’s awake immediately, pushing himself up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Sting stumbles out of bed, cursing when he trips over the carpet on his way to the closet. His hands are shaking so badly that he nearly drops his phone.

“I’ll stay up,” Rogue says as Sting tugs on his uniform and runs a trembling hand through his messy hair. “Text me if you can.”  

“I will.” Sting exhales, rubbing his face and giving Rogue an uncertain look. “What if he…”  

“It’s going to be okay,” Rogue insists, but Sting’s thoughts are racing too fast for the words to sink in. His mind is filled with tears and terror and his dad shouting, and his head aching while his fingers went numb.  

His phone dings again and he looks down at it. It’s from Natsu.  

Natsu [02:25] im at the hospital w gray. he left joel.  

Natsu [02:26] hes hurt pretty bad but he’s okay. hospital called the police.

Sting stares at the message as anxiety and fear battle for space in his stomach. ‘Okay’ can mean so many things. Sting was ‘okay’ too, even with thirty-six stitches and a broken arm.  

Sting [02:26] I know, they just called me. I’m coming in with Kelly.  

“What can I do, love?” Rogue asks, touching Sting’s elbow. He flinches, then shakes his head in embarrassment.  

“Sorry—”  

“Don’t apologize.” Rogue waits for Sting to step forward before wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. “I love you. You’re so brave and I know you can do this.”  

Sting nods, trying to believe him. “I…” His phone lights up again and he stares down at the words.  

Natsu [02:28] im so scard hes gonna change his mind.  

“Go,” Rogue says gently, nudging Sting toward the door. “I’ll get the guest room ready.”  

Sting gives him a grateful look, then presses one last kiss to Rogue’s cheek before taking the stairs two at a time down to the garage.  

Sting [02:30] I’m on my way.  

~

As soon as Sting steps into the hospital room, he wants to cry. Gray’s sitting on the couch with Natsu’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, staring at the floor with a blank expression on his face. His lip is swollen, and his face is bruised, and Sting’s stomach aches when he sees the reddish fingerprints on Gray’s throat.  

“Hey,” he says gently, pushing aside the anger that rises into his throat as bile. He crouches down next to the couch. “How’re you doin’?”  

Gray shrugs. He looks exhausted. Natsu’s holding him tightly, as if Gray will fall apart if he lets go. Sting’s eyes flick up to Natsu’s face, but Natsu isn’t looking at him. His eyes are on Gray, and they’re so filled with love and pain.  

“I know it hurts, but I’m proud of you,” Sting says to Gray, hoping he can convey the same love through his voice. “We’re gonna do everything we can to help, okay? Do you know where Joel is right now?”  

Gray stares at the badge on Sting’s uniform, eyes dull. Up close, he looks worse – his eye is bloodshot and there’s still a streak of blood by his nose, and there are half-moon fingernail marks on the side of his neck. Sting grits his teeth and counts backward in his head. Anger is the last thing Gray needs right now, even if it’s all Sting can feel.  

“Home,” Gray says. His voice is rough and raw. “When… he passed out. Drunk. Probably still asleep.”  

Sting bites the inside of his cheek as memories start to surface.  

He’s eight and hiding in his bedroom, pushed back in the closet with a hand over his mouth. Quiet, quiet, quiet. Footsteps pound down the stairs, loud and uneven, and Sting waits and waits. He doesn’t move, just makes himself as small as possible and counts to a hundred over and over again.  

Sting exhales, letting the memories wash over him and then dissipate. He’s not there anymore. He’s safe, and he’s here, and he’s going to help Gray.  

“Does he have any weapons in the house?” Sting asks.  

“I… don’t think so.” Gray sounds so small and uncertain. Sting nods, and then Gray looks up at him, expression desperate. “He… Bella. My dog, she… I had to leave, she… s-saved me, and I just, I left her, and…” Tears spill down his cheeks and he pulls in on himself, resting his head on Natsu’s shoulder.  

“I’m going to do everything I can to help you, and her,” Sting reassures him. He touches Gray’s knee carefully, and when there’s no flinch, he squeezes. I’m here for you, he thinks, hoping Gray can feel it through the touch. You’re safe now. I promise.  

Then he stands and turns around, giving Kelly a nod. They usually work together to take statements, but Sting’s too close to this. Kelly squeezes his arm as she passes by and he turns on his radio.  

“Dispatch, this is Eucliffe,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady as he heads out the door. “Requesting officers at 6 Willowdale Crescent for domestic disturbance and assault.” 

~ 

Sting cries the whole way to Gray’s apartment. They’re quiet tears, but they just won’t stop, no matter how many times he wipes at his face. When he arrives at the apartment and sees the other cruiser parked in the lot, he takes a deep breath and pinches his arm until he’s focused.  

“What’ve we got?” Kim gets out of the car as he pulls up beside them, and Sting breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that Lev is with her instead of Janson.  

“I’ll wait down here,” he says quietly once he’s given them all the information he has. It’s dark enough in the parking lot that he hopes they can’t tell he’s been crying. “Call me if you need backup.”  

Then they’re both gone, and Sting is left with nothing but a seething anger and a head full of memories. His phone buzzing is a welcome distraction and he quickly pulls it out of his pocket.  

Natsu [04:03] were leaving the hospital now. rogue called, were going to your place. u ok?  

Sting exhales noisily and runs a hand over his face. Relief tempers the anger – at least at his house, they’ll be safe.  

Sting [04:04] I’ll be fine. How’s Gray?  

Natsu [04:05] not good. is that fucking asshole in jail?

Sting [04:06] I can’t say anything yet. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.  

He’s about to put his phone away when it starts to ring. The picture on the screen pulls a smile from Sting’s fears – it’s the one of him and Rogue and the dandelions.  

“Hey, darling,” he says quietly. He’s not supposed to answer his phone on duty, but he needs to hear Rogue’s voice.  

“Are you okay?”  

“No,” Sting says honestly. “I can’t tell you much yet. Natsu said him and Gray are on their way.” He looks up at the apartment building – a light is on in one of the windows, but Sting isn’t sure if it’s Gray and Joel’s place or not. “He...” Sting swallows. “Gray. He’s... it’s bad.”  

“He’s safe now,” Rogue reassures him. “And so are you. You’re so brave and I’m so proud of you, and I love you so much.”  

Sting swallows, willing himself to not start crying again. He has a sudden, desperate urge to call Uncle Wes, but then there’s movement in the front of the apartment building.  

“I have to go,” he says quickly. “I love you, too. I’ll text you when I’m on my way home.”  

He shoves his phone back in his pocket as the doors to the apartment open. Joel looks surprisingly docile as Lev leads him over to the cruiser, but when he sees Sting, his expression turns sour.  

“You,” Joel growls, and it’s clear that he’s still a little drunk.  

“Me,” Sting agrees, pushing his anger back behind a wall of calm. He’s about to ask Lev about Kim when the apartment door opens again and there’s a loud woof. Sting quickly makes his way over to where Kim is holding the leash of a large, friendly-looking Rottweiler.  

“Hey, Bella,” Sting says, crouching down and reaching out his hand. Bella sniffs him, then quickly headbutts him and moves in to lick his face. “Good girl,” he says softly, stroking her head. He reaches out and takes the leash from Kim, nodding in thanks. “I’ve got her,” he says. “I’ll meet you at the station.”  

~

Bella sits patiently next to Sting’s desk while he fills out his paperwork, eventually curling up under his chair. The precinct is nearly empty this early, and the quiet helps to clear his mind as his pen flies across the forms.  

He finally makes it home at nearly ten in the morning. As soon as he walks in the front door, Bella bolts down the hallway toward the living room, nails clicking on the hardwood floor. There’s a moment of silence, and then Sting’s heart cracks as he hears Gray’s quiet sob.  

“Hey, love,” Rogue says, appearing next to him and reaching out to touch his cheek. Sting quickly pulls him into a hug, tucking his face into Rogue’s neck and letting out a shaky breath. “It’s okay,” Rogue says quietly, running his hand up Sting’s back. “We’re all okay.”  

“I love you,” Sting mumbles into Rogue’s sweater. There’s something about Rogue that always feels like home, and Sting wishes he could just stay in Rogue’s embrace forever. Gray needs him, though, so he pulls back reluctantly.  

“I love you too,” Rogue says, kissing his forehead. “They’re in the living room.”  

Natsu’s on the couch, looking sleepily at Gray, who is sitting on the floor with Bella nearly in his lap. He looks worse in the morning light – his eye is almost swollen shut, and the marks on his neck are turning to fingerprint-shaped bruises. Bella is licking his face, tail pounding against the leg of the coffee table in excitement.  

“Thank you,” Gray whispers when Sting crouches down next to them.  

“He didn’t hurt her,” Sting reassures him, setting the leash down on the table. “She had lots of fun riding in the back of the police cruiser, didn’t you, girl?” Bella licks his hand happily, then headbutts it until he scratches behind her ears.  

Gray’s voice is rough and quiet when he asks what happened, and Sting does his best to explain custody and bail hearings and a no-contact order. When he offers to take Gray back to get his things from the apartment and Gray shakes his head and starts to cry, Sting’s heart breaks a little more. He can’t help thinking of a smashed TV, and broken glass on the floor of his dad’s living room. He’d never gone back there, either.  

“You’re safe now,” Sting says. He’s heard the words a hundred times – from Kelly while she held his hand in the hospital, from Uncle Wes when his dad got out of prison, from Natsu when he thought he couldn’t stay sober, from Rogue when he woke from nightmares and cried. Now they’re his words. His promise.  

The look on Gray’s face is somewhere between disbelief and tentative hope, and when he reaches out and pulls Sting into a hug, Sting nearly starts to cry. He returns the embrace carefully, settling down on the floor next to Gray and holding him close.  

“I know,” he says gently, hoping that Gray can believe him. “You can do this.”

Natsu slides down to the floor and takes Gray’s hand, and the three of them sit like that for a long time – a wall of hope that Sting hopes tempers the fear and anger in Gray’s heart.  

[chimcharstar]

1 THROUGH 55 AND 1 THROUGH 30 GO GO GO

LETS FUCKIN GO

tumblr please actually make this a keep reading

55 interesting questions you should drop in someone’s inbox

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

I ALREADY WATCH NETFLIX AND AGONIZE OVER MY STORY

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you’ve own/owned?

MY JACKETS. ANY CHEST OBSCURING, BROAD SHOULDERED, COZY JACKET

3. What hobbies would you get into if time and money wasn’t an issue?

DANCING, ID NEED TO GO TO CLASSES OR SOMETHING

4. What would your perfect room look like?

IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH MY ROOM BUT IVE ALWAYS WANTED A LAVA LAMP, AND 1800 MORE PLANTS COULDNT HURT

5. Do you play sports?

NO

6. What fiction place would you love to go to?

SINNOH REGION

7. What Job would you be terrible at?

DEBT COLLECTION. I WOULD BE GIVING SHIT TO PEOPLE FOR FREE. I COULDNT BEAR BEING ENCOURAGED TO FORCE PEOPLE WHO CANT PAY FOR SOMETHING TO PAY MORE

8. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would it be?

SERVING. HOW MANY PLATES CAN YOU CARRY AT ONCE

9. What’s the most annoy habit other people have?

WALKING IN MY SPACE BUBBLE WHEN MY SENSES ARE OVERLOADED

10. What skill would you like to master?

A SECOND LANGUAGE

11. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?

THE ONE FROM MY DREAM WHERE I KISSED A GIRL DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND WE ELOPED TO BRAZIL TO RAISE SHEEP

12. What’s your favorite drink ?

THAT CHRISTMAS SHIT. PEPPERMINT MOCHA AT STARBUCKS. A FRIEND GOT IT FOR ME ONCE. NOW I ORDER IT A BILLION TIMES.

13. What state or country would you never like to go back to?

I HAVE NOT TRAVELLED MUCH EVER

14. What songs do you have completely memorized?

I DONT REMEMBER LYRICS SO MUCH, BUT I COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW MANY SONGS GO COMPLETELY

15. Are you usually early or late?

LATE. IM GETTING BETTER THOUGH

16. What takes up too much of your time?

GETTING OUT OF BED

17. What do you wish you knew more about?

SWORDS

18. What are some small things that make your day better?

COFFEE. SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING NICE TO ME.

19. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

QUEER EYE BUT BY TRANS PEOPLE FOR TRANS PEOPLE

20. Who has impressed you the most with what they’ve accomplished?

YOU. AND ME. ITS GROWTH

21. What age do you wish you can permanently be?

21, SO I HAVE TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

22. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

13 REASONS, THE BOOK WAS TRIGGERING SO I WONT RISK IT

23. What would be your ideal way to spend you weekend?

TAKING A WALK, HAVING COFFEE, WATERING PLANTS… IM HAPPY

24. What’s something in your life that’s considered a luxury?

I HAVE PERFUME...

25. Is there anything you’re too young/old for?

TO YOUNG TO NEVER DRINK. TOO OLD FOR POKEMON

26. What’s your favorite genre book or movie?

I DONT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN FOR EITHER BUT I SEEM TO LIKE URBAN FANTASY A LOT

27. How often do you people watch?

I THINK IM SO POLITE BUT HONESTLY, I QUIETLY SCRUTINIZE SO MANY PEOPLE ON THE TRAIN EVERY DAY AND GUESS AT THEIR PERSONAL HABITS AND SELF IMAGE.

28. What’s the best single day on the calendar?

MY BIRTHDAY, SAGITTARIUS SEASON RULES BABY

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of?

I DONT KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING PPL HAVENT HEARD OF BUT IM INTERESTED IN BLACK HOLES

30. Do you relax after a hard day?

FOOD. NETFLIX. DECOMPOSING ON TUMBLR

31. What’s the best book or series you’ve ever read?

I HAVENT READ A BOOK I REALLY LOVE IN AGES. HARRY POTTER AND ARTEMIS FOWL WERE MY FAVOURITES GROWING UP, BUT CORNELIA FUNKES BOOKS SLAPPED AND HIS DARK MATERIALS WAS GORGEOUS

32. Where’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

IDAHO?

33. What’s the most heart warming thing you’ve ever seen?

LUCIFER WAS LIKE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BORING MIDDLE NAME JANE AND KNOWS THAT EVERY MURDER BREAKS YOUR HEART AND YOU SIMPLY DESERVE BETTER SO NO MORE MOMENTS WHILE THEYRE HAVING A MOMENT AND CHLOE IS WATCHING THIS FUCKING IDIOT AND IVE WATCHED THIS BEFORE SO I KNOW SHES GONNA KISS HIM AND THEN THEY KISS

34. What’s the most annoying question that people ask you?

ANY SMALL TALK QUESTIONS

35. Would you give a 40 minute presentation with no preparation?

YES. ID MAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP. SKILLS

36. What’s something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

GIVE ME A HUG AND SOME CHOCOLATE

37. Would you rather go Hand Gliding or Whitewater rafting?

HANG GLIDING

38. Dream car?

SOMETHING I DONT HAVE TO WORRY WILL FALL INTO PIECES AT ANY MOMENT

39. What’s something so many people are obsessed with and you just don’t understand why?

STRAIGHT LOVE SONGS

40. What are you most looking forward to in 10 years from now?

HAVING A CAT

41. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten to it?

DECORATING THE DOLLHOUSE I RESCUED FROM THE BATHROOM

42. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you all week?

IM NOT VERY FAR THROUGH THE WEEK AND I HAVENT ENJOYED MOST OF IT BUT PEOPLE SAYING ADORABLE THINGS

43. How different was your life one year ago?

NOT A LOT DIFFERENT, IM JUST LONELY IN THE CITY NOW, MINUS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ONE YEAR ON T

44. What/who would you rate 10/10?

MY CACTUS JAKEN. I DROPPED HIM SO MANY TIMES AN ENTIRE HALF OF HIS SPIKES ARE FLAT SCARS. AND LOOK AT HIM. THRIVING

45. What kind of art do you enjoy the most?

GENUINELY MADE ART

46. What do you hope never changes?

MY T PRESCRIPTION

47. What movie title best describes your life?

I LOOKED THROUGH NETFLIX AND I PICK TWILIGHT

48. What website do you visit most often?

TUMBLR

49. What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?

MY BIRTHDAY

50. What’s something you’d like to unlearn?

FINDING A REASON TO CANCEL EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING

51. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

WALKING BY SOME RUNNING WATER

52. What age would you like to live to?

80. THATS MY MENTAL HEALTH ANSWER

53. What’s something you’re most likely to become famous for?

SOMETHING CREATIVE WOULD BE AWESOME

54. What’s something you’re most likely to be arrested for?

CRIMES

55. What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

A CAT

Lgbt+ ask game

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I’m even a little shaken by a questioning state right now but for a while I’ve felt the best fit is the androgynous label -- I read a description of it being the purple on a pink to blue scale, both at once but not specifically either one, and something else by itself. I’m also happy with a cryptic masculine grey area. My pronouns are he/him.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

During the Puberty 1.0 nightmare, I was basically living someone else’s life, and any attraction I felt wasn’t in relation to myself. I felt disconnected from my body and gender and everything too, and I felt a lot of social pressure to experience a certain type of attraction, fit into a certain role, et cetera, and none of these feelings existed in me at all, so I used to identify as ace. When I realized I was trans, I was too caught up in the, transition safely, my life is a lie, stopping dysphoria drama to focus on this, but I had an idea I might be a gay guy judging from my gay creative writing until I caught feelings for a girl and realized this wasn’t the first time that had happened. Some bi positivity and nonbinary rage later, I am reminded that gender is a joke.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Yes of course A LOT. Starting with my parents, who do it aggressively and maliciously. And plenty from strangers and customers, mostly after hearing my voice pre-transition. It used to hurt terribly because I was dealing with so much other stuff at the time, and one little thing could be the last straw, so I used to react strongly and harshly, to people you express yourself to anyway. On T, I’ve been so much more chill and confident, and it’s less painful to accept that some people just don’t know any better, although that doesn’t change its effect.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

I don’t remember, I think it was a high school friend. I vaguely remember texting someone in a bathroom during a crying session at work. My high school friends were all warm and supportive.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

It was scary as hell. I’m sure coming out (with your gender specifically) is scary by nature because it’s a huge truth to be telling that can really change how the people you love perceive you, for better or for worse, but for me, I’m also thinking with the dread and certainty that my family would be too conservative and potentially dangerous. Coming out to my family was one of the worst, most painful things I’ve ever been through -- being kicked out and laughed at, a lot of drama, confrontations, Bible readings and being ganged up on at odd hours, trying to comfort my mom who took it as her personal failure -- I was shaking with adrenaline 24/7. I think of the “I’ll suffer through anything as long as it has meaning” comment that was about angsty fanfics, but knowing the truth about myself was a source of unshakable strength and it felt refreshing and even triumphant to say, like I was giving myself permission to exist for the first time. I came out a bunch of times, though...

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

My family reacted mostly badly, my sister is a little confused but has the spirit, and my friends have been wonderful.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

It’s more of a gender thing, but I hate it when people imply that I shouldn’t be on T or are subtly trying to talk me out of it with their questions. After all the disrespectful as fuck bullshit I heard from my parents, I’m tired of this.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

Zombie apocalypse denim? Gay Layers

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I’m not really emotionally invested in these “ships” you cool kids are talking about. I like canon, age-appropriate ones.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I’ve never really worn makeup. I brazenly never bothered to growing up, and if it had an effect on me socially, I was too tuned out to care. My sister always wanted to do my hair and makeup, but I wasn’t interested and wouldn’t let her, much to her frustration. I wore some for a musical once though, and I had no idea what I was doing and it was extremely uncomfortable. I felt what I know now is dysphoria and ended up using the lipstick to draw. Another aspect to this is my family forbade it (or my dad made the decision for everyone), not that it made my sister feel less pressured to wear it, so maybe it was some female presentation I could easily get out of. For that reason, I don’t have super strong feelings about it. Not understanding it probably resulted in me feeling left out a lot among my peers.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

Yes. Before my realization, it was a numb horror I wasn’t consciously aware of, ruining nice things growing up to the point where I feel like I missed out on being a teenager. I remember it as feeling nauseous while sitting in a corner, feeling like none of my clothes ever fit for some mysterious reason. Living with my family in the closet, it defined my life, and I was obsessed with my presentation. These days, it does not bother me on that level at all, except a minor freakout now and then if I get really wild and wear feminine clothes. Or I still feel it in more subtle ways, when I default to customer service voice, or when guys my age are twice my height and I look aaaall the way up at them and wonder what gender they see me as.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Trust me, I have heard truck loads of dumb shit and the winner is the Gay Agenda is R****a’s propaganda to weaken the integrity of North America. Considering what is happening over there, it was enragingly stupid.

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

I feel like I can be myself around lgbt+ people. I don’t feel like I have to hide stuff or put on a show, and I’m not afraid because it’s familiar territory.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

Aside from obvious problems like TERFs, ace discourse. Ace people are part of the community if they want to be and that’s enough on that, my skin is already breaking out.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

I finally went to a Pride event this year! I was surprised it was the first one I’d been to, then remembered my parents discouraged me from going anywhere, never mind to a gay where.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I can’t think of many people right now, but Leslie Feinberg seems awesome, and some quotes from Stone Butch Blues are very validating.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

No. Technically I have been in one, but it was shitty and ridiculous, and basically platonic, and I don’t want it to count.

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

I barely read… I read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe in high school and it was honestly so precious.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

Yes. I got kicked out (but then kicked back in again), had my stuff stolen and damaged, was verbally harassed… and I was indirectly fired by an employer, but We Will Never Know Why...

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

Queer Eye! I don’t know of many though, and some important ones, I just haven’t watched.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

My mutuals :D

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I’m okay calling myself queer.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but I did see some drag performances at the one (1) Pride event I went to, and they were jaw-dropping.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

I’m not sure what this question means, but I decide what fits right by what makes me feel the most alive and emotionally real and in the moment. What makes me feel the most attractive to be honest. There’s a post about dysphoria I saw going around, the things on it are basically what I use to figure things out.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I am actually! Not anytime soon, but I’m the responsible type for sure, and judging by the way I love growing plants and being around animals, I’m probably a nurturing person. I actually like kids too, lol, they’re just so high-energy.

What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You’re a boy. Go!

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I think people are going to have different ways of expressing themselves that make them happy, but… I don’t think they should infringe on basic human decency. When I hear “role” I think of acting a certain way because someone told you to, something I want to disagree with on the spot.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

People move out of my way on the sidewalk and take me seriously now. Privilege or self-confidence… I never want to forget what it used to be like, or get too entitled.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

That it’s simply living one’s reality. I think that trips up a lot of straight people -- that some people just come like this, and they don’t have to make it fit into their personal identity.

Why are proud to be lgbt+?

Because I worked hard to be alive and happy right now. I’m proud of choosing to get through those rough patches, take care of myself, heal, take walks, cook breakfast, learn healthy coping mechanisms, that was out of love for myself and a defiant conviction that I have a place in this world.

[thehonestmommy]

What I wish people told me about postpartum life

There is a TON of advise and guidance on what to expect when you are pregnant. Theres even more about how to handle every little cough, hiccup, and milestone that your baby goes through. But theres something in between thats severly lacking in conversation and warning. Postpartum life. Im not talking about how tired you will be or how your house will turn into a toy store. I mean the little things that will likely take you by surprise unless a well meaning friend shares it with you. Because for some reason, we as a society dont talk about the post partum mom, except for breasfeeding, baby weight, and stretch marks. But let me tell you, there is a whole lot more than that.

Well, as the over-sharer that I am, allow me to prepare you for the things that never get spoken about, and might surprise you about life after pregnancy. Here are some of the things I had to learn on my own, and that I wish someone told me about so I was more prepared.

WARNING: I’m gonna get personal and gross right from the get-go. Buckle up.

You will sweat…profusely

Seriously. My first night after giving birth, I was so sweaty. But I passed it off as just part of recovery. I mean, I did just spend 3 days pushing a human out of my body, I’m understandably sweaty. But then the next night, same thing. And the following night, too. For weeks and weeks it continued. I would wake up at night to feed my baby and be soaked, almost like I had the flu! I felt disgusting, and was constantly changing clothes. But the more I questioned other moms (online and in mom groups) the more I realized we all were experiencing this to some degree….we just wen’t talking about it. I mean, sure. It’s a bit embarrassing, especially if you aren’t a person who sweats very much under normal circumstances. But it woulda saved us all a lot of embarrassment if it was something we were told was par for the course! No need to worry, soggy momma. You are normal.

You will smell

This goes hand in hand with being sweaty. But it’s so much more than that. I was constantly getting whiffs of my own body odour…and boy was it bad. And it wasn’t the typical B.O. smell I’d get if I’d done some cardio and wasn’t able to shower straight away. This was a whole other beast. I kept trying to compensate for smelling horrible by saying it out loud and apologizing. But my mom and my husband kept reassuring me that they couldn’t smell a thing. But how couldn’t they?! I was so rank. Im telling you, it was so bad that I would shower, and sniff my pitts after soaping up while SILL IN THE SHOWER and I could still smell myself. Seriously. No amount of soap or scrubbing was making this go away.

But heres the thing. No one around me could smell it (or at least they wouldn’t tell me so) except my baby. You see, this is a special function of a breastfeeding mom. You take on a unique signature scent that helps your young baby identify you. And as they grow and their senses develop, the stench (or strength of it) fades away.

If i had known this before it happened, maybe I wouldn’t have cried in the shower after scrubbing my armpits raw.

Postpartum insomnia is a thing

We all know that new parents have a hard time sleeping. But I always thought it was because

A) The baby keeps you awake with its very loud singing, practicing for auditions on The Voice, B) The baby being asleep makes you freak out that its too still to be breathing , or C) You cant stop watching this adorable little chubby mini-me peacefully sleeping

So, it really surprised me when my baby started sleeping through the night, but I did not. I didn’t feel anxious. I wasn’t plagued of thoughts about my baby’s safety. And even though I loved watching him sleep, I was cool with rolling over and enjoying my much needed rest. But, no matter how tired I was, the sleep wouldn’t come. I would lay awake, utterly exhausted. I would just nodd off and the baby would wake. Every 5 nights or so, I would sleep. Yes, you read that right. I would only sleep after about 4 full sleepless nights. Those 4 to 5 days were torturous cat naps only. After about a month of this, I went to my Dr because I thought something was seriously wrong. She knowingly chuckled when I explained what was going on. “Postpartum insomnia” she said. Apparently, it’s a hormone thing. Not every woman experiences it, but it’s not uncommon. “it will go away when you are done breastfeeding, most likely.” Oh. My. God. Are you kidding me? My kid is finally sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time, and now I cant, and wont, until i’m done breastfeeding? (I plan to breastfeed for at least a year) Mother nature, your jokes aren’t that funny.

Carpal tunnel syndrome

Exactly the same as postpartum insomnia, some women get carpal tunnel that wont go away till breastfeeding is over. Its not unusual for women to get it while they are pregnant, but even if you didn’t have it then, you could still get it once your baby has left the flesh-building. According to my doc, hormones mixed with weight-bearing hand positions (breastfeeding again, yay!) is the perfect recipe for some inflammation of the nerves in your forearms and hands. My hands didn’t hurt much during the day but at night they would drive me crazy. Think pins and needles to the nth degree. That shit is going to keep you awake #postpartuminsomnia

Breastfeeding + binge eating

breastfeeding burns a LOT of calories. You think you were eating for two while you were pregnant? Thats not nothing on breastfeeding. That baby keps getting bigger and hungrier. Get ready to smash some food.

Breastfeeding + thirst

Breastmilk is surprisingly watery. Baby drinks breast milk, your fluids deplete, the body needs more to make more milk. The process is not surprising. What might surprise you is that you get thirsty IMMEDIATELY after your baby has triggered the let-down (aka within minutes of him/her latching on) Keep a bottle of water handy for every nursing session. You are gonna need it.

Period pains

I think its fairly well established in the way we discuss postpartum that your period may not come back for a while. But what they DON’T tell you, is that you will still get similar pains fairly often. In the beginning, your uterus needs to go back to its regular size, so cramping/contractions will take place for a few weeks after giving birth to contract that uterus back to its old self. Thats right. You will still have contractions for WEEKS. Yay!

If you are breastfeeding, the cramping will happen DURING nursing. Its kinda cool, although pretty uncomfortable. You might notice the postpartum bloat go down in unison with those sessions of cramping. its different for all women, but for me, that intense cramping only lasted about 3-4 weeks. But here’s where people stop talking about it. But guess what? you will still get cramps! Pretty much once a month, I get a day of mild cramping. Its nothing like what it used to be (although my experience may be biased since I’m an endometriosis gal) but it’s still noticeable, and identifiable.

You are still ovulating

Carrying right on from getting those period cramps comes the obvious but often misunderstood fact that you are still ovulating. Many people are lead to believe that if they are breastfeeding and did not get their periods back yet, that they can not get pregnant. This is FALSE INFORMATION #fakenews So many woman end up pregnant again because they are not practicing safe sex under the assumption that no period means no ovulation. Sorry to say, your body goes right back on makin’ them eggs. Life, uh…finds a way #jurassicpark

Hormone imbalances continue (acne, sweats, cravings, mood swings)

Again, no secret to anyone that pregnant women are on a rollercoaster ride of hormones that are challenging at best, and downright unfair at worst. But whats most unfair is that you dont get to just be done with all that after your sweet little bundle arrives. Oh no. no no no. The rollercoaster gets more intense, if you can believe it.

Many people will be familiar with the term Post Partum Depression, which is common and no joke. If you suspect that you or someone you care about might be suffering from PPD, please access help. Start by talking to a doctor. There is LOTS of help available.

But, outside of PPD, it seems a disservice to me that no one explains that mood swings, food cravings, exhaustion, acne, hair loss/hair gain, sweating and the like are almost guaranteed to happen. I don’t mind speaking out about PPD and saying that I suffered, and I still do suffer from regressive episodes from time to time. But for a while, I wondered if all my other symptoms were PPD. My amazing midwife explained that those things are not indicative of PPD but a normal part of your body settling into its new role as a food truck (breastfeeding, again! argh!)

So if you are experiencing things that make you feel like a teenager again, you are not alone. It’s par for the course. But please talk to a Dr to get screened for post partum depression just to be sure.

leaking breasts

So I heard of this before. But I seriously was not prepared. I thought it was a unicorn thing that only happened to the rare woman who’s a breastmilk goddess with an oversupply. So i’m going to do you ladies a service and let you know the real deal here. Even if you think this wont happen to you, it probably might.

You don’t need to have an oversupply, your baby doesn’t need to suddenly sleep through the night. (although both of those things make it even more likely) Your breasts will spontaneously leak; maybe when your baby sleeps through the night the first time and your supply was hoping for a night feed. Maybe when your baby cries because it’s hungry and you don’t immediately get to them. Maybe when a srangers’ baby cries because it’s hungry. Maybe when you are looking at them on the baby monitor or watching them do something especially cute. Or maybe when you are having an intimate moment with your partner (YUP). MAKE PEACE WITH THIS. It will happen, and continue to happen, when you least expect it. You’r boobs now have a mind of their own.

Oh and just when you think that phase is over, it will happen again. #oops

Speedy hair and nail growth

This may be a pleasant surpriuse to some (or a major inconvenience depending on your maintenance level). Your hair and nail growth might speed up. Not sure why that one happens, but wow I feel like i cut my nails every week now. And I am getting 2x more haircuts, too.

Another common thing that happens is the texture of your hair changing. Many women go from luscious curls to straight locks or vice versa after pregnancy. Your body grew, sustained, and continues to sustain life. Those are MAJOR changes, so… Anything is possible!

Dry vaj (masquerading as injuries)

Oh yes. Im going there. If you made it this far, lets just assume you’re cool with how gross I can be at times. okay? Great. :) OKay, You are a mom. You might have pushed at baby out of your body. Or maybe you had someone surgically remove it. In both cases, your muscle structure gets significantly compromised. Under good health care, we are told to limit our activity for 6 weeks while the body heals. I dont know a single mom, c-section or vaginal delivery, who felt like their body was actually ready to get back in the game. It takes MONTHS to heal, and my midwife (did I mention shes awesome?) laid it out for me honestly. She said things are not gonna feel anywhere near normal for the better part of a year. I’m currently 8.5 months postpartum, and yo she was right. My core is weak, my diastases is still present, and I was in some serious pelvic pain for a long while.

So, on the advise of many a Dr and friend, I decided to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist in hopes that she can help guide me into a life where it doesn’t feel like I’m going to lose my uterus every time i squat down.

It was an embarassing and humbling experience. This Dr literally tests out your muscle control from within. Its like the most revealing pap you’ve ever had. But seriously, it was worth it. What i learned was even though i was expierencing pain, my muscle structure was NOT compromised. Where did the pain com from you might ask? Dryness.

Yeah I know. It’s not ladylike to talk about that. No one wants to admit its an issue either. But remember how breastfeeding affects almost every topic covered above? Well this one too. Surprise! Your body’s natural fluids are depleted in a big way when your kid drinks sometimes 200ml 6-10 times a day. (Go measure that our if you’r not familiar with it. Its a lot.) If you are not super hydrated, and extremely well nourished, your body will totally ditch its other systems to provide for your child instead. Its admirable, but dang if your not careful it really translates in so some serious discomfort.

Turns out that some topical moisturizers (coconut oil did it for me, but some people need something more substantial with estrogen in it) and maintaining my body’s hydration brought me back to 80%. Couple that with learning how to do diaphragmatic breathing and activating your transverse abdominus during kegel exercises (okay can we just not cover that? I’ve said enough gross stuff) and you’re well on your way to recovery.

The takeaway

Growing and serving up a baby does a number on your body, but it continues after the birth. It takes work, healthy choices and a lot of knowledge to stay on top of whats happening to your body once your baby is here. Breastfeeding, no matter how long you decide to do it, is a lot harder than people give credit for. It goes far beyond latch and weight peoblems, and not enough people talk about that. Be prepared for your body to continue to go through changes as your baby changes with you. Be kind to yourself, eat well, drink as much water as you can every day, and TALK TO OTHER MOMS about what the heck is going on. You’ll be surprised to know you are not alone. <3

[altaieu]

please refrain from reb/0gging

as im watching the dark skies shift to blues, the sun is rising on a household with one less kitten in it today. i can see no stars out.

amber died yesterday.

we took her home on friday, neck tube in and accompanied by medicine, after a 9 day stay in the hospital. we were going to try our hardest to help her get get better. we’d been making plans the entire time what we’d do with her when she was healthy again; that we’d definitely let them out next more next summer and make certain the garden had no places for pests, that i’d play with them even more than i did now, that we’d get them all health insurance. we bought her the cat bed we’d been lingering over at the store to make sure she had a very comfy spot to recover in. i’d woken up late on friday but i helped my sister with feeding her, giving her medicine. i was prepared to stay up all day saturday to help.

but she hadn’t closed here eyes since she’d come home, and what my sister thought was her sleeping - nictitating membranes half closed, paws twitching like she was dreaming - maybe have been a seizure in retrospect. though she took everything well, at 7 am she was having breathing problems. she was laying sideways on the floor with her little tongue sticking out, eyes half closed. we woke everyone up. we rushed her back to the hospital immediately. we talked about putting her down, and i’m sad we didn’t in retrospect, but we had never lost a cat before and we were so hopeful she could still turn around - twice while she was at the hospital she’d perked up and looked for all intents and purposes that she was recovering. she was such a strong, healthy cat before all this happened, it was hard to think she could just go like that, but as it happened it was just complication after complication that hit her. so we held off to give her the weekend, said if she didn’t look better, we’d be back to sign the papers.

it was not even 5 hours after we’d left her there that we got the call, around 1:30 pm. she’d nosedived suddenly and they tried to resuscitate her to no success - something my sister had said yes to out of reflex, but was going to phone tomorrow to say not to do, to just let her go. we went back and saw her little body. my sister cradled her in her arms, and every time she shifted in her seat amber’s fuzzy ears swayed just a bit and i kept expecting her to shake it off, wake up, blink up at us with those big, warm, adoring eyes she always had. her head was as cold as the wind outside when i pet her and i feel as if the chill hasn’t left my hand.

now my brain keeps playing that still face against those late night/early morning memories of her jumping up on my bed and my desk, smiling at me with that big wide happy mouth, bumping her head against mine and against the curtain until i’d open it and she could look out and she’d wiggle her big fluffy butt right between me and my monitor. her tail would always be straight up as she watched the shifting shadows beyond the glass and she purred like an orchestra. then she’d sit on my lap and make the cutest face at me, and i’d pet her a little, but because she always seemed to do this when i was absorbed in writing or art i’d pat her butt until she got annoyed and leapt off, skittering out of my room and down the stairs with the noise of a horse. i’d always felt a little guilty after that, and last time, in damn november, i’d made the promise to myself that next time she came to visit i’d let her sit on me and cuddle up as long as she wanted. it’s been barely 15 hours and already i miss seeing that fuzzy face pop up from behind my desk, that fluffy butt jogging out of my room. amber, i’m so sorry i booted you away when you were lonely in the mornings and just wanted to give and receive love from me.

there’s so many things i wish we did in retrospect (in retrospect, in retrospect). i wish i had pushed harder for a vet appointment when i first saw her so listless, but i always differ to my sister and she said she had no money for it. i wish we’d gotten all our cats health insurance so it wouldn’t have been as big of a cost as it was, that we wouldn’t have been so hesitant about a vet appointment in the first place. i wish i had convinced my sis to put her down when we were there in the mornning so she could have passed away in the arms of someone she loved surrounded by people she cared about instead of laying her head against the side of a small metal cage because we were too scared to let go of her. i’m so sorry amber, we did you so wrong.

when we were there in the morning a man came in after us, an old old man who looked to be in his eighties or so. he was there about a cremation for his african grey parrot who’d passed away the night before. he had a south african accent, and i heard him talking about how he’d been with the bird for forty seven years, that he’d found it abandoned by someone else. i saw him and an old woman bawling in the parking lot afterwards. looking back i should have taken it as an omen.

when we got back to the house the first time, around 11:30 in the morning, the cats were going crazy. all three were trying to get into my room. i wanted nora to stay out so she could comfort my sister, but maggie stood on my desk for 15 minutes staring with that kitty love face and headbutting me before she fell asleep on the bed by my feet. sassy, meanwhile, was absolutely losing it, running around the house and yelling with her unique, loud “mryow” sounding vocalization, eyes wide. should have taken it as an omen.

its weird to wake up at 3 am today to three cats. a time in the morning when i know amber would’ve come to visit, given her health back. its weird to walk down and not see her stretch her big fuzzy yellow belly into a croissant shape. i miss running around the house with the knotted shoelace and having her run after me at top speed, catching it and then running along with me as its in her mouth. i miss her closing eyes as you brushed her mane. i miss that little orange spot she wore on her head like a jewel.

i don’t think i can do anything downstairs without getting choked up about how she’d lie across my legs as i did anything. i don’t think i can get back to playing spyro or watching xfiles since she was there like that the whole time for those. i don’t think i can pick up arkham knight or aco again since i’d sit out in the middle of the floor for those and she’d come up behind me and bump my back, sit on my blanket, lay across one of my legs as i played.

i worry about my sister who cannot even lie in her bed without remembering amber there, sleeping on a pillow beside her, hugging her with all her legs. that cat got her through an abusive relationship and countless depressive episodes and the inherent trauma of being trans in a world that really doesn’t want you to live.

but like whether she’s in kitty heaven as my parents would prefer to think, or she’s my sister’s little spirit guardian now, or if there’s a kitten born on this day that might cross our paths again and bump our legs and look up, i hope she’s doing good. she deserves that at least, she was the sweetest cat i ever met and she should have got more than we could give her.

i feel bad for the hospital staff too. in her stay there she charmed everyone who crossed her path and they were all rooting so hard for her to pull through. one of the vets had her out in her office walking around for exercise on one of the days she was very perky, seemingly recovering. the one we interacted with yesterday was too kind, waiving the fees for the resuscitation attempts and refunding us the 700 we put down for the next few days of care that wouldn’t come to pass. i mean, we’d already dropped 9k on her and were fully prepared to spend 1k more for that fighting chance of a weekend - and of all the things we regret that is not one of them, even if i know a thousand people who’d call us fucking idiots for it. no cent spent trying to keep her alive was a waste. between all of us, even if we had to go into debt, it was the least we could do. we put aside those hopeful dreams of actually owning a house for her, and all my daydreams of introducing them to the new place.

but that 9k could have been reduced to 4.5k (over the 8 years, putting into it each month) if we’d had health insurance on her. as much as that is, it’s tiny compared to what we just spent and would have given us the reassurance to take her to the vet the moment she got sick instead of worrying about money. please, if you have pets you care about, get them health insurance. here it’s 50 a month but that is nothing compared to the cost of vet bills even for routine checkups which it will cover 90% of, and it will give you the peace of mind that you can go to the vet whenever. the moment a pet starts acting unusual you should take them. even if its nothing, its better safe than sorry. complications can hit so fast and pile up.

i’ll be watching the other cats much more closely after this and - after i have my energy back, hopefully - i’ll follow through on that promise and pay them even more attention and get them even more toys. we’re gping to get them health insurance in january and we’re gonna spent the spring cleaning up the backyard to make it safer for the cats, just in case. when they get into the backyard in the summer, oh, its gonna be real fuckin strange not to see amber’s cute sandy coloured face under the lilac tree by the little pond. i still have photos of her from last summer and remember vividly making myself stupid in the grass to get those upward shots of her.

goodnight little lion. you had all the colours of the desert in you and all the love of the sweetest little earth angel, eager to share it. i wish we could have given you so many more years of care, eight was not enough and eleven is much too young for a kitty to go, but i hope you are warm and basking in sunlight wherever you are.

i could see no stars out until i looked behind the house. there, despite the heavy cloud cover on this overcast day, there is a single star shining brighter than i’ve ever seen before, right above us, right at the door.

[tidsoptlmist]

It’s a Boy-Girl Thing - E.D.

Authors note: I’M BACK! for those who care: my holiday was sO MUCH FUN OH MY GOD!! I had the bEST time!!! sadly school has started again and i’m drowning in homework again!!! 

disclaimer 1: over these past few weeks I’ve received so many asks about whether or not I was still gonna update this: the answer is YES!

I hate the feeling of letting you all wait or maybe letting you down when i’m not posting as often as i (and you) would want me to. 

the things is that (and this might come as a shocker) actually do have a life outside of tumblr. I’m in my senior year of high school and I trying to get good grades, so I can get into a good university next year...

I do love writing this and I am so excited to continue writing this story (and more!!) and I will not stop until this story is finished!!! I promise ahha!! I see those messages as a compliment (bc apparently you all like this very much and want to read more) but sometimes they make me feel a little bad/stressed because i feel like I’m let you all down... so yea..... I hope you all understand! 

(what im trying to say is that i dont really mind those asks but at the same time it won't help asking bc YES i will be updating: but only when I’m able to...) (which will be regularly again next week!!!!) (promise)

disclaimer 2: this wasn't proofread so my apologies for any (loads of) spelling/grammar error!!!!! im a dyslectic assclown who cant spell to safe their own life so yea... just a lil heads up

Part 9 一 ANIMOSITY

Summary: Ethan and Y/N are neighbors. And although Y/N is on good terms with Ethan’s twin brother Grayson, Y/N and Ethan loathe each other and are constantly in dispute. Ethan is a populair varsity football player, who likes to be in the spotlight. Y/N prefers to stay under the radar, while reading books and poetry.

Although the constant bickering between the two drives everyone around them crazy - the two live their separate lives peacefully. At least that’s how it was until they wake up one morning and every had changed…

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8 || PART 9 || PART 10

You liked sports. You honestly liked being active. But not in late summer, when it was hot like an oven outside and the air humid.

You could feel the sweat dripping down your back, your shirt completely drenched. Your heart beat banging in your head and your legs shaking. You squint your eyes against the intense sunset.

Ethan had made you run around the field all afternoon. He had made you run laps, do pushups, situps and all different sorts of exercises which names you had forgotten right after Ethan said you could stop doing them. After finishing you had dropped yourself next to Ethan on the grass: completely worn out.

‘What are you doing?’ Ethan had asked.

‘I’m taking a break. Actually, not even a break: I’m done! I think if I continue I might get a heart attack or something,’ you breath still went rapidly.

Ethan just laughed while grabbing a water bottle from the cooler he had taken with him. ‘What are you on about? This was the warming up!’ He threw a cold bottle of water next to you in the grass. Your hands quickly opened it and you gulped down half of the bottle before glaring at Ethan.

‘I’m definitely warm…’ You mumbled annoyed.

Slowly you had gotten up from the grass and Ethan had made you catch footballs for an hour. The sun was now setting and your whole body ached. You fell onto the bench at the side of the field.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave this bench. I can’t carry your body anymore Eth,’ you sighed and wiped your forehead with his shirt. It didn’t help much: your shirt was completely soak. Ethan stood in front of you, grinning. Silently you watched the sunset behind the hills.

‘Let’s go home,’ you said, getting up. You grabbed your bag and looked at Ethan. He was still smiling at you. ‘I thought you said “you were never gonna be able to get off that bench”,’ he chucked at you. You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but let a smile creep on your face.

‘We really need to head home though. Grayson said something about a party this morning and I think he really wants to go,’ you say as you walk towards the parking lot where Ethan had parked your car earlier.

‘Who’s hosting the party?’ Ethan asked you, eyeing your in a curious manner.

‘Austin, I think…’ You say, trying to remember what Grayson had said this morning. ‘He said Austin invited you both. And that it would be a big party. Apparently his parents are out of town.’

‘You should go,’ Ethan says, as he opens the trunk. You put the footballs and bottles of water and other training gear in the trunk.

‘I don’t want to go,’ you say in all honesty. Ethan rolls his eyes as he closes the trunk again.

‘Grayson and I never go somewhere alone-’

‘Yea, that’s kinda weird: you two should try to being more independent,’ you cut him off. Ethan eyes you angrily - irritated that you cut him off, but ignores your comment.

‘Like I said, before you cut me off: we never go somewhere alone. If Grayson wants to go: you go with him,’ Ethan says as he walks towards the driver seat. You walk towards passengers seat and get into your car.

‘I don’t like those kind of parties! What do you want me to do while I’m there?! Also; this could only go wrong. Someone will definitely notice something’s off!’ You tell him, trying to convince him why you shouldn’t go to Austin’s party.

‘You can try talking to some girls?’ Ethan suggests chuckeling, but quickly comes back from his idea: ‘Wait, no! Don’t talk to girls! You’ll for sure embarrass me!’

You glare at him. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Y/N, you might have a 4.0 on your GPA but you definitely don’t have a 4.0 in flirting,’ Ethan laughs at his own joke.

‘I’m not that bad….’ You say softly.

‘You know what, I’ll go to the party as well. That way I can keep an eye on you so you don’t embarrass me too much.’ Ethan says. You give him another glare. Annoyed how he won’t trust you.

The field wasn’t far from your home. Ethan parked in front of the Dolan house and you got out of the car.

‘Do you need to pick an outfit for tonight too - or do you trust me to pick one out myself without embarrassing you?’ You snarled at him. Ethan looked unimpressed by your remark.

‘Nah, you’re good,’ he simply said, pushing a strand of your long hair out of his face. In the days that he had been trapped in your body, he had only wore your hair down. It was now that you relised it was probably because he didn’t know how to tie a ponytail with long hair. You huffed and walked towards the trunk where you got the footballs and other training gear.

You walked towards the Dolan house without saying goodbye to Ethan. You dumped the training gear in the garage and walked immediately upstairs. You grabbed a clean pair of undrwear and some basketball shorts and walked towards the shower.

You took a quick shower - the same way you did that morning. This time the towel didn’t drop and you got the underwear on in one go. You stood infront of Ethan’s side of the sink and sprayed on some cologne. You closed your eyes as you inhaled the scent: it was smelled very good.

You walked out of the bathroom and layed down on Ethan’s bed. The party wouldn’t start till 9:30 - so you had a good three hours to kill.

Before you really could think of something to do, Grayson barched into the room. These boys left eachother no privacy did they?!

‘E,’ he exclaimed as he jumbed on the bed next to you, ‘wanna play some video games?’

And before you knew it, you were walking towards Grayson’s room. It was practially the same as Ethan - but with different colored bedsheets and instead of a poster of a motercycle there was a poster of old looking car. You recognised Grayson’s Ford Bronco - altough the one on the poster was red in color. Grayson turned the PlayStation on and handed you a controller.

‘Dude!!’ Grayson yelled at you. You stared at the screen. “YOU DIED” it read in thic red letters.

‘I swear I shot them first! I don’t know how I died?!’ You said annoyed.

‘Why are you so bad at this game?! Did you lose all your skills while haning out with Y/N today or something?!’ Grayson said jokingly, although he stilled looked a little annoyed at you for losing.

‘No,’ you mumbed while restarting the game. Playing video games was more fun then you innitionally thought it would be. Grayson was good company too, chatting away about his day.

‘How is Y/N doing?’ Grayson asks suddenly. You huff, concentrating on the game, ‘she’s good.’

Grayson falls back on the bed, starring at the ceiling, ‘she looks good.’

His comment makes you forget the game and within a second the red letters spelling out “YOU LOST” fill the tv screen again.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ You ask Grayson, confused. Grayson gives you a ‘like you don’t know what I’m talking about’-look. You gave him the ‘I-really-don’t-have-a-fucking-clue-what-you’re-talking-about-so-tell-me-now’-kind of look.

‘You said it yourself E: she has a good ass!’

You look at him in shock. It was weird hearing Grayson making comments about your ass - well just any ass - without getting red and flushed.

‘I never said that!’ Ethan would never say something like that about you!

‘Yea you did, like three days ago,’ Grayson says while taking the controller from you hands. ‘But don’t worry, I won’t tell Sophia tonight.’ He chuckles at his own joke. He walked towards the PlayStation and turns it off.

‘Is she gonna be there too?’ You mentally roll your eyes. Your energy level for this party just dropped to minus 6.

‘Yea, so let’s have some diner and get ready for this party,’ Grayson says as he walks out of his room. When he’s halfway down the stairs you hear him laugh and say:

‘and don’t forget to bring protection! We don’t want any surprises in 9 months!’

thank you for reading!! leave a comment if you feel like it!! 

please read the DISCLAIMER at the top!!

also: 

- i wrote a short grayson imagine but its not that good should i still post it???

- do you guys want me to make a master list? if so: let me know!! my ask

TAGS : @asapethan , @gabrielle-stark & @coconutethan here you go babes!!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

a list of gross/weird ass advances that i’ve had from people:

•that one boy in primary school who was a younger brother of someone in my year, in the year under us, that harassed me for like two years straight by following me around singing/rapping eminem’s “shake that” ft nate dogg to me. like y’all this shit was happening when i was like 9-11 years old. and this behaviour ruined that song for me for literal YEARS. obvs, you could fight this one with “well, he was just a kid and you were as well. so, it can’t really be helped or criticised bc he was just repeating the things you’d both heard on the tv/radio. he probs thought at the time that this was an okay song (which it obvs wasn’t) to sing to a girl that he liked; bc it was so popular back then (2005-2006)” which, of course, is to some extent true. but still???? a kid should know the meaning of “can you please STOP following me around singing that song, thanks?” that i asked him several times to do, but he kept doing it, until i told a teacher.

-that one time at 13/14 when i signed up to facebook for the first time ever, after two years of being used to myspace (good times),and got automatically signed up to the dating app zoosk bc FB had decided to sign me up as single and lonely and therefore, i needed a man. so, i spent my first 3 fucking months of facebook trying to find how to deactivate that fucking app and had men in their late teens to their early/mid 20s hitting on me through the whole thing. but at least most of the guys were understanding here and were rightfully freaked out as i was that fb had signed a fucking 13/14 year old up to a motherfucking dating service.

•”your name is so fucked! like it’s so hard to learn how to fucking spell and pronounce... like why the fuck would your parents call you that bc no one would call their kid that??? anyway, I’m just gonna call you *insert plain ass white girl name here* for the rest of conversation bc it’s soooo much easier for me! but like, why the actual fuck won’t you give me more than two word replies you super over conceited bitch!? when i’ve been nothing but nice to you?!  btw you’re sexy anyway and that should fix this. ps. send me nudes on snapchat bc its 2am and im lonely.” (all the same guy.)

•”oh hey.... we should make a wager where we if we ever meet and go out to a bar.... and we should bet off each other virginity’s right? are you with me? anyway, so, we go to a bar and see who gets fucked first and so loses their virginity first. and whoever loses their virginity first has to fuck the other one so that we both lose out virginity on the same night! sounds like a great idea doesn’t it? hahahahaha 😂😅 ”constant harassment for nudes and nude videos to be this guy’s private cam girl, bc apparently “following you for 4 years on tumblr is a lot of trust and so you owe me nudes bitch” ”oh and by the way, how are all your vibrators? are they getting a good work out? 😉😏😏” (this is all the same guy who follows me on here.)

•that one dude who thought that me inviting a friend along with me to us meeting in Bondi (in Sydney) made my friend an awkward 3rd wheel bc apparently we were a couple bc he liked all my posts on this godawful problematic hellsite. he was 18 like me. but still.

•those two 28 year olds who harassed me with sexual messages when I was 17 again on this godawful hellsite. and one of those guys always asking for selfies bc I was “so hot” and “so pretty” like y’all I WAS A FUCKING CHILD AND THEY WERE FULL GROWN ADULT MEN PAYING BILLS AND SHIT. IT WAS LIKE: PLS TRY AND PULL WOMEN YOUR OWN AGE. and then the other dude using the teacher sex fantasy where they fuck in the girls changeroom after sport.... when he was literally old enough to be a PE teacher at my school.

•literally just everything my high school stalker said to me back in the day and when I ended up running into him in 2015 on the bus home from uni.

•that one guy who I s2g was in his 30s and not his 20s like he said; from like azerbaijan or some other random country, hitting on me when I was 18/19 bc I “looked like a nice girl”

•those two guys somewhere in their 20s (where one of the guys was trying to set me up with his friend) when I was 17/18 who kept asking me if I’d ever watched porn and masturbated... and why I still hadn’t fucked anyone yet when I should’ve fucked someone by the time I was 15, apparently.

•mr creeper mccreepcreep who was absolutely hellbent in trying to confiscate/steal my phone (and my bag at one point) from me and just generally trying to leave me without my phone last year at a bar with some friends (2017) when he found out by peering over my shoulder at my phone, that i’d texted someone to pick me up from the bar to escape from him. bc remember: “HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO LEAVE ME AND TEXT PEOPLE TO LEAVE THE BAR WHEN I’VE JUST MET YOU! AND YOU’RE SEXY SLEEP WITH ME, YOU BITCH! AND BY THE WAY, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT OR EVEN ASK FOR MY PHONE EXCEPT TO ADD ME ON FACEY! :P” (this is what i think his thought process was it’s not what he actually said out loud) the whole time i was with him though, he was completely and utterly grossing me the fuck out and scaring me to death with how desperate he was to leave me without an escape route from that bar other than either him or my friends (ie my phone) and feeling straight up my dress and trying to “convince you (me) to kiss me (him)” i’m pretty sure i was close to getting my drink spiked if i’d had one with me tbh. he just gave off that feeling.

•ok this wasn’t from a guy... but when I moved schools at 16/17 (2012), one of the girls that I met was hellbent again on trying to “get you (me) a boyfriend bc you (i) need one”, apparently. in this process, she kept trying to set me up with men in their late 20s/early 30s (and a tiny minority close to our age at the time, at 16-18 even early 20s) and practically bribed me (i.e. she gave me jewellery and CD’s to keep me quiet each time) for the use of my phone to do so. she always asked me if i was talking to those guys and when i said no she was always like “why though??? they’re so nice!” and i was like “THE BULK OF THEM ARE ADULT MEN MABEL! THEY SHOULDN’T BE FLIRTING WITH/TRYING TO DATE GIRLS WHO ARE 16/17!!! SOME OF THEM ARE ALMOST TWICE OUR AGE!!! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT???!!!″ to which she’d answer with “so?????” she even asked a few times if she could take my mobile phone home WITH HER to add more creepy men.... which i obviously said a resounding “NO????!!!!” to.  finally, at the end of all that shit, she hit on me. when I said no she asked “is that bc you went to catholic school?” and I was like “no it’s just bc I don’t swing that way right now.” (and plus your behaviour is really fucking weird and concerning).

but the moral of this post is to fucking stay safe, my ragtime gals and my dudes.

[xnchxntmxnt]

Chapter Two - Turtleneck Sweater

“So it’s...Elliot?”

“Yup.”

“Not a name I'm used to hearing, sorry.”

“Well, neither is Decius, but hey,” they shrugged. “Anyway, you’ve had a better reaction than others have.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize, Koushi, nothing you can do about it. I’ve learned to accept it.”

He smirked, nudging their arm with his shoulder. “Hey, at least I don’t get an ego hit anymore when you wear those basketball sneakers you loved so much in middle school. Nothing wrong with a dude being taller than me.”

Elliot laughed, taking a sip from his (new) monster. Since they knocked into each other, they started catching up (and he was nice enough to get him another monster). They hadn’t realized how long it had been since they last spoke, but it was nice to be in each other’s presence again. After all, the other was the reason they both made it through middle school.

It was safe to say, Elliot had missed his best friend. It had been too long since he and Suga got to spend time together.

Moving to Tokyo for their dad’s job left Elliot heartbroken and unsure of what to do—they weren’t exactly the friendliest person (understatement) and had trouble making friends in real life (also an understatement). Moving away from Sugawara was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but in the last two years, it was almost like it didn’t matter

Which was a really, really bad way of putting it. But it was the best wait he could think to explain. Over the last few years, they’d grown apart and rarely talked despite being so close from the age of five on up.

Then again, he never did well in awkward situations. And things had been awkward when he left. He never wanted to overstep anything, so kinda stopped answering his phone. Not intentionally—he never ignored Suga—but would go a couple of hours without a reply, then the other would go a couple of hours. Hours turned into days and days turned into not knowing how to start a conversation.

Which, again, was his fault. At least partly.

“There’s always that,” he laughed. “Seriously, though, thank you for being so chill about this, man. I appreciate it.”

“No problem, El—if that’s who you are, that’s who you are, y’know? Oh, am I allowed to tell my bandmates? They’re good friends of mine, but I’ve talked about you a lot the last couple weeks.”

“Yeah, sure—wait, that’s why you’re here?”

In the ten minutes of them talking and sitting on the curb, neither thought to mention what they were doing there.

“Yeah! That battle of the bands thing! You didn’t see us yet?”

“Not yet, no—then again, any time I’m not playing or practicing, I’m more worried about writing. I leave it to Akaashi to get videos for me.”

“So you can overanalyze them later?”

“You get it!”

“Same dumbass I knew in middle school, then,” Suga laughed, pulling out his phone to check the time. “Ah, hell—told my friends I’d be back in 15 and it’s been almost 30. I gotta get going, but text me later, okay? We gotta catch up sometime this week.”

“We do! Yeah, I gotta head out, anyway, no worries. Text me when you’re bored and we can talk for a while.”

“Sounds good.”

The two of you stood, Suga offering his hand to help them up. They took it with a grin

“I’ll see you later, then,” he asked, keeping their hand in his. With one look, they knew what he was thinking. They spun him, then he spun them around, the two of them high-fiving among several different moves they came up with as little kids.

They broke away, laughing. After all these years, they still had it.

They said their goodbyes again and headed off in different directions. He thought a lot on his way over to Bokuto’s, though—Suga had grown up a lot in the last couple of years. One would say he was pretty. Definitely pretty, actually. Maybe cute.

Unfortunately, the further he walked, the more he thought. And the more he thought, the closer he came to the decision.

Ah, shit. Cute boy.

♬♬♬

Within a couple of minutes of walking, he arrived at Bokuto’s place to hang out before Akaashi and Hiraku came over for practice. They rarely exchanged small talk anymore—three years of extremely close friendship will do that to someone—and Elliot just followed him to his room.

“Had to come out again today.”

“Oh, fun! Not fun? I dunno, how’d it go?” Bokuto asked, flopping backward on his bed. He kicked his fluffy blanket to the bottom, leaving room for them to sit.

“Well...not bad, at least. Just a little weird.”

“I get the feeling you’re gonna talk for a couple of minutes.”

“I don’t have to—“

“Elliot, no, that was a joke.” He sat up, grabbing his hand. Bokuto smiled gently, reassuring him as best he could. “Tell me about it. What happened?”

They squeezed his hand gently, glad for the extra comment. It was a common process: talking/thinking about too much gender stuff -> overthinking -> a little too much anxiety -> self-doubt or crabby mood. As many mood swings that Bokuto had, they knew how to get the other to cool off. Both knew Akaashi was the best with them, but they made do with what they had.

“You remember I moved here after middle school, right?” Bokuto nodded, so they continued. “Before that, I was in Miyagi, all that fun stuff. Anyway. A really old friend of mine is in town for the battle of the bands and I got to talk to him today.”

“Was he shocked?”

“Oh, not really. I’ve always been a little ‘different’ when it comes to style—hell, I started shaving designs into my head when I was...I think ten? Maybe nine. But he said he was happy for me and if that’s who I am, that’s who I am, y’know?”

Bokuto smiled, squeezing their hand. “That’s awesome! Love it when that happens. Good for you for telling him, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Elliot said, smiling awkwardly at him. They took their hand back, beginning to pick at their nails (like usual when thinking too much).

Bokuto took their hand back and leaned over to his bedside table. He grabbed a marker and handed it to him. “Draw me something pretty. No picking.”

They laughed, hanging their head for a second. The laughter increased when he started poking their arm, screeching, “don’t! Hide! Your! Smile! Elliot!” between each poke. It was a nasty habit of theirs that they were trying their best to break, but Bokuto helped a lot with it.

So, they took the marker and started drawing.

About a half-hour and several games of Uno later, Bokuto had both hands full of doodles and designs while they talked about anything and everything.

Somehow, they managed to get onto the topic of love lives.

“Look, dude, I am determined! I’m gonna get a girlfriend by the end of high school! Or a boyfriend. Probably a girlfriend though cause I dunno about the guy's part. But it’s a possibility!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Bo,” they rolled their eyes. He was so in denial, really. They and Akaashi had a bet going.

He pouted. “Hey, well, you’re not doing any better than me! At least I like someone.”

“So you admit it!”

“Not my point!”

They laughed, running their hand through their hair. “I mean, if you’re that competitive, there might be someone…”

“AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME???”

“Oh my god, shut up, Bokuto!” They swatted his arm (gently) and grabbed a pillow (proceeding to hide their face in it.

Bokuto only continued to pick on them for it. He tried taking the pillow from their vice grip, asking more questions and even tried rolling them off the bed, but they wouldn’t budge.

“Just WHAT am I your best friend for if you DONT tell me who you have a crush on??” he demanded, finally pulling the pillow out from under their arms. He then hit them with it before discarding it.

“Fine fine fine—if you want to know so bad, you have to guess.”

“But you’ll tell me if I guess correct?”

“No promises.”

“You’re horrible!”

“You love me. Take a shot at it.”

He thought for a moment, a starry, stupid look in his eyes. “OOH OOH OOH, DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME?”

“You’re disgusting.”

Bokuto clasped his hand over his chest, falling back on the bed like he’d just been shot. But very over dramatically. “You’ve wounded me!” Elliot kicked his leg and he shot up straight. “Okay, okay, okay, fine. What about...ooh, what was your friend’s name? Suga...sugaworo khaki?”

“Sugawara Koushi?”

“Yeah, that’s it! Him!”

Elliot sighed. There might have been some...feelings in middle school. But nothing they ever acted on. Not in a timely manner, of course. And now--shit, now he was gorgeous and all those crazy feelings from middle school were kinda coming back but also not really? Was he just thinking about this too much? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit--

“You’re blushing, El--”

“Shut up.”

He smirked, nudging their arm. “Why are you blushing, Elliot?”

“You’re horrible.”

“So I shouldn’t mention Akaashi right now, either?”

He knew just how to push his buttons, didn’t he?

No, he didn't...like akaashi like that, but he had to admit that he was great. Really great. Like totally want to kiss him sometimes great. But he didn't like him like that. They were just really close friends and knew each other better than almost anyone else and talked almost 24/7 and they wrote music a lot even though Akaashi barely knew anything about music and a lot of his songs were about him--

“You’re still blushing.”

Elliot sighed. So he was gonna play dirty like that? Time to pull out his trap card. Which sounded stupid but it worked.

He composed himself, blinked a couple of times, and smiled evilly at Bokuto. “So, Bokuto--how’s Hiraku?”

“Oh, now you're the horrible one!”

They laughed when Bokuto hit them in the head with the previously discarded pillow. He knew what talking about Hiraku did to him--he got embarrassed and pouty until he talked to her again, then his adrenaline shot up again. Freakin dork.

Yes, this is how i actually think. Yes, this is how character elliot's brain works. Im getting slowly more nervous about this because people get to see how weird i am lol. Anyway, show of hands, who wants to talk about who you have a crush on bokuto

Also hahaha i am very trans gtfo if ur transphobic

Is it bad i expect to lose followers for this lol

taglist: @ellewords @shoyotime @i-reblog-storie @tama-jam

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