#are they all dressed as the music genres i associate with them? yes

[tordlepower]

i cant watch clothes dont make the turtle because im in the UK and bad at pirating so this is how i cope, putting my boys in cool clothes

had to make these colours eyesearing to make up for the gentle soft boi colours of the last one lol

[ddoxhan]

that feeling when

baby's breath and lemon candies

word count : 2.1k words

genre : fluff in the season of spring; you were always bitter when spring came, but things changed when she came along; florist!hanni x fem!reader (a year older than hanni); hanni's a confident baby and reader fell for her at first sight but doesn't realize

t/w : none :) just cuteness overload

a/n : hanni just has the sweetest smile that can melt hearts (including mine of course) I wanted to portray that spring vibe and soft colors that are associated with it, hope I succeeded haha enjoy !

spring morning, pastel sky, chilly breeze. it was just like every other morning in this season of cherry blossoms, and that was the exact reason why you despised this time of the year. from the very first thing that greets you as you leave your doorstep, was the couple next door.

it was fine, no one was forbidding them from dating. but it was that they decided to dress tone-on-tone, to add that it was a couple look. (you were just bitter since you were the only one still single among your friend circle)

just as you make it out of your apartment building, you are met with another. at this point, you were sure that god was just making fun of you. (no, you were just bitter and single, so everything seemed to be against you, when in reality, yes you are just hella bitter)

'what a way to start my day,' as you thought to yourself. a cup of americano was exactly what you needed to refresh your day, as if whatever happened before that cup was just a dream. but soon, you do hope that it wasn't just a dream.

getting onto your bicycle, you pedaled away from your usual route, which was headed towards campus. you were on your semester break after almost losing your sanity from the dreadful event named 'finals'. (human physiology took away at least 10 years from your lifespan)

so where were you headed to so early in the morning if you were finally on that break you very much needed? to your beloved senior, chaewon's cafe. she and her girlfriend, minju, finally opened their dream coffee shop after they had graduated. (degree who? and you were so done with chaewon bringing this up whenever she was on the verge of rage quitting during her final year)

it wasn't too long ago so the shop was still relatively new to the area. that meant they neither had customers nor employees. you figured that you could lend a helping hand for the time being as they advertise their new cafe. your neighbourhood wasn't big so everyone knew everyone, therefore things weren't going to be too hard for them. yet, you wonder how you know everyone here, and still failed to notice her around.

as you were on the way there, the owner of blue rain called, pausing the music in your ears from your headphones.

"yes, ms. owner. relax, I'm on my way, no worries that I overslept."

"that's exactly why I called. I have all the right in the world to be worried cause you quite almost drooled all over your pillow while everyone in the hall was racking their brains over the final paper."

you rolled your eyes at her constant reminder of that particular 'incident' in your first year. it was a one time thing but she still brings it up whenever she gets the chance to. and like the mom she is, you're creeped out by how she knew.

"I can see you rolling your eyes at me, child. we all know you were to repeat your subject if I didn't barge into your place."

"alright alright, I made mistakes and learned from them. I'm on my bike right now, okay? continue your nagging when I'm there, bye."

"hey-"

you ended the call before she could even say another word. knowing she was going to give you an earful, all you could do is smile to yourself. the nagging can be annoying at times, but you know chaewon only meant good for you as someone older. it feels great to know that someone cares for you no matter where they are. (you're always a brat towards her, so she would cry happy tears if she knew this is what you thought of her)

making a left turn, you arrived at a road you weren't familiar with, mainly due to the fact that it wasn't the main road you usually ride past. just how did these two find a place over here? it wasn't somewhere people would drive past, not to mention that it was sort of secluded away from foot traffic.

although with that said, there were a handful of shops and a convenience store on the corner lot. this view feels familiar yet foreign, despite it still being part of the neighbourhood you knew. while the scent of flowers invaded your senses, you slowed your speed to a halt and got down, pushing your bicycle with you while admiring the scenery this street offered.

a noodle restaurant came into sight, and a laundromat sat right across it. further in, a tailor shop greeted you with a record shop beside, making you wonder if you really did travel back in time a little from all the shops. everything was so vintage until you reached the part where the cafe was supposedly located. but before that, the florist shop, blooming potion as it read, that was two lots apart caught your eye, which you still didn't know why. (flowers were always associated with spring, hence the same hatred for it)

as you approached, the sign on the glass door read 'open' but no one seemed to be in sight. maybe the owner was in the storage room, hence the unattended empty counter. the door wasn't locked either, perhaps nothing would happen if you invited yourself in, right? (you were just dumb, it's a shop, of course you can enter if it says it's open)

you looked around, finding yourself enjoying the scent of flowers, different from how it was earlier. something felt off but you couldn't put your finger on it, it just did. as your eyes laid upon a bouquet of baby's breath, a door swung open, however it wasn't the door that led to the back room, rather the one you entered from. strange, isn't it.

"I'm so sorry, miss! I didn't expect a customer so I left for some coffee real quick."

you should've known from the way you stepped into this florist shop, from the sudden fondness towards flowers. nothing could've prepared you for this sudden encounter with her. but at that moment, you didn't know.

a young girl, a little too young to be the owner, places her cup of coffee on the counter before rushing to put on her apron. she was slightly taller than you were, and probably the most beautiful girl you've ever met.

"oh, no worries. I was just taking a look around."

"is it your first time here? I've never seen you before."

she settled down a little, before flashing you that endearing smile of hers. you knew you were a goner when you noticed how your heart swelled at the way her eyes curled up into crescents. but still, you didn't know then, you couldn't have when it didn't come to mind that it was love.

"yeah, I was headed to the cafe down the road but something made me stop by."

the way her eyes sparkle every time you spoke, the glint of curiousness and attention within those orbs. it suddenly felt a little hot for you as the tip of your ears burned up a little (and it didn't go unnoticed by the girl).

"really? then it must have been fate for you to come in! feel free to choose any flower from the store, think of it as a first time gift."

you were an introvert, hence the awkwardness around people you first met. but she made you feel comfortable within this new space. so comfortable, you don't realize you were warming up to this stranger more quickly than you do with other people. (you took a total of 3 months before actually warming up to chaewon)

"oh no no, I can't possibly just get it for free."

"I insist, I left you unattended when it was my job not to, so let me make it up to you. besides, it's just a few flowers."

the attention of hers on you made your palms sweat, not that you didn't like it. you loved it, and again you just don't realize. as well as the fact that the girl don't just look at someone with such endearment.

"well, I guess I can't deny your offer if you insist, thank you."

it was already unusual that this girl seemed too young to be the owner, let alone offering a bouquet of flowers for free. you didn't question further and just accepted her kind act. not gonna lie, your heart might have skipped a beat from the thought that this was the first flower gift you received, regardless of it from a stranger. (later on, you found out that the girl didn't offer flowers to just anyone)

before the girl came bursting through the front door, you were admiring a particular bouquet of baby's breath. you remembered and decided to go with it, figuring it would be a perfect gift for the opening of the cafe. or it could be staged as chaewon's lovely thought for her girlfriend, you just knew she would do that.

"baby's breath? you must have a special someone you love a lot."

you choked a little when you heard that. usually if it came from someone like chaewon, you'd just glare at her and punch her (not literally, your punches are of a baby kitten). but when it came from her, you didn't want her to think you have a lover.

"me? not really. I've been single my entire life, it was flattering to hear that you were offering a free bouquet."

sometimes, you wanted to smack yourself when you try to impress someone with your humor but clearly, not everyone found your jokes funny. but to the girl, you were the funniest person she has ever met. (you didn't notice at that time, the girl had a small smile of victory when she heard that you were single)

"oh, that's unexpected."

"why's that?"

"I mean, you're pretty and funny, I thought you were taken."

chaewon knew you were annoying and dumb, but she didn't know that you were this dumb to not realize that the florist girl was very clearly hitting on you. the older is so glad that this little angel found you cute for being so clueless. (fun fact, minju was this clueless of chaewon's feelings that the older had to kiss her for her to realize. perhaps that was why you clicked so well with minju)

"you know, that's what I should be saying to you."

for the first time, it was the girl's turn to feel slightly flustered, but she maintained her composure. because you looked younger than you were, she thought you were her age or a year younger. which was why, she was slightly bolder than she usually is when someone interests her. (she enjoyed watching you get flustered a little, thinking you were a cute baby then)

"thank you for the flowers, really. I hope to see you around."

you didn't know where that ounce of confidence came from but you did say that, and that had the girl stifle a giggle at your attempt. you thought you were smooth, but when you heard about this interaction on another day, it happened while you were avoiding eye contact and stumbling a little over your words. as you finally got to know, you couldn't help but just cover your face with your palms as you drown in embarrassment.

"lemon candies? you really don't have to."

"I just happened to have some with me, think of it as me trying to make your day better with some gifts too."

feeling a bit overwhelmed by the flowers, you rummaged through your pockets, pulling out a few lemon candies for the girl. well, that was part of your reasoning, the part that you were mostly interested in her played a very big role. it wasn't something extravagant but they were your favourite candies, offering them to someone means they are someone important to you.

the girl brought her palm over the candies before picking it up, placing them in her apron. you swore, that smile of hers that she gives you is so contagious, you find yourself smiling along like an idiot.

"it was a pleasure meeting you too."

"if it's okay, can I get your name?"

"hanni, and I too, look forward to seeing you around."

placing the bouquet carefully into the front basket of your bicycle, you bid farewell to the girl. while you pedaled to the cafe, you couldn't figure if your heart was thumping from it, or the thought of hanni's smile.

hanni, even her name sounds lovely. if lovely and adorable was personified, it would be her. maybe this spring season was finally getting on your good side, because it was making you feel something. what was that feeling again?

that feeling when someone is in love? yeah, that feeling.

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[ruinaimagines]

Any silly little Xiao headcanons? It doesn’t have to be anything specific I just really love reading your work. You’re very very talented ^^

Thank you! And yes you may. Xiao is just so pretty.. Sorry for my absence! As I said, I've been dealing with medical stuff. At long last I got a diagnosis! Sadly it’s something chronic BUT there’s treatment so looking forward to that. 

Xiao General Headcanons:

To people who do not know her well, Xiao can come off as very distant and calloused. This especially tends to be people’s first interpretation of her when they meet her while working. A Liu Association Director as unmovable and determined as can be.

She doesn't want to come off as rude though. Direct, maybe, but appreciative. She is aware of her reputation and to make up for this, especially in everyday settings, she tries to be as respectful as possible.

But because of her tone this can come across as forceful in a way. Not because it’s fake, but like it’s more a command than anything. When she says to the grocery clerk, “Have a good day.” It doesn’t sound like a suggestion, it sounds like her saying “You WILL have a good day.”

Very passive aggressive in an accidental way. This is especially represented in last minute sticky notes scrambled out for other Liu Association members to see. She worries that people will take it in the wrong way, but instead her subordinates just find it funny.

Struggles with figuring out how technology works. Not in the grandma way, but in a way that makes things a bit more difficult if she’s out of her comfort zone. She’ll continue trying to fix things herself though until someone steps in or she finds a solution.

I feel like if she’s guiding or teaching someone it would have to be through physically showing whatever it is. It’s not that she can’t explain what they need to do, but when she does it’s often very complex and not very processible information. She is aware of this, so she tries to help others through other ways.

Avoids people she knows if she sees them in public, especially if they’re from work. It isn’t as though she doesn’t like them or talking to them, it’s just that it's in a different setting and formality and she has no clue what to expect. She often has a goal in mind for what she’s doing when she’s out of the house and she doesn’t want to be sidetracked.

I feel like Xiao would like going to concerts. The kind with bright colorful lights and where everyone is just enjoying themselves alongside the music. She goes there for the atmosphere. You hardly ever have so many strangers just so loose and relaxed in the city, it’s a nice change of pace. 

Speaking of said concerts, she doesn’t really go based on what artist is playing, just whatever will be the funnest. Because of this, she ends up experiencing all types of genres than she didn’t even know before. Some of the songs she in particular ends up liking 100% get played in the car, and often people are very surprised with her music taste.

Doesn’t really have a sense of style. Now hear me out, this does not mean she dresses bad or looks bad in any means, we all know that’s not true. However, her closet is just filled with the same colored clothes (typically black or gray) with little variation. You got the 4 suits, and maybe some sweaters, but that’s about it.

She’s a morning person and doesn’t really like taking naps, but has grown really efficient at them. Being in the Liu association especially when it comes to tough combat situations means that getting rest can be quite difficult most of the time, so she’s learned how to very quickly fall asleep.

A light sleeper when she’s napping as one would need to be in potentially dangerous situations, or in areas where you might be needed to immediately jump into responding. It’s never a satisfying or fulfilling sleep though.

She has a huge collection of various board games that are shoved away in a cabinet in her house. Every time there is a mission that causes her to relocate to some place temporarily, in free time she’ll visit any stores that sell any physical games.

Often she’ll leave particular ones she thinks have an interesting concept at work for employees to play if they’re interested. Sometimes being an association member means working a lot of overtime, so at the very least they have some type of entertainment.

Always has to have something to do, very much always on the go. If there isn’t something planned or an idea she has in mind, she feels lazy. This helps keep her energy levels high. That said, has a low social battery, so much of what she does are tasks on her own, or with people she is close with.

Unfortunately this can come with some additional stress, even though she considers the pros better than the cons. She’s actually pretty good with finding ways with managing this though, and often sets up regular meetings with an acupuncturist whom she finds helps with her mood.

Regularly keeps her workplace stocked with caffeine for her and other people. Whether it’s through tea, coffee, or some other drink it will honestly be more difficult to find something that is uncaffeinated. Anyone is open to helping themselves.

She feels really bad when she has to bring bad news to her colleagues, and will attempt to tread carefully when breaking it to them. There’s a lot in her head she’d like to say, but she just can’t really find the words to say them. I think those that are often working with her know the sorrow she feels, they can see it in her eyes.

When holidays come around in the office she doesn’t participate too much in them. You can typically find her sitting to herself, maybe with Lowell. That said, there is one thing that has become absolute tradition: she brings the food. Something about the way she bakes treats is iconic amongst the Liu South Section.

Whenever it’s someone’s birthday she gets a card for them and leaves a little note. As she isn’t the best with expression, the note isn’t really special, but what is are the small doodles she often leaves behind. They aren’t particularly good but that’s what makes them adored and loved.

She doesn’t actually understand why her little drawings have become such a favorable thing among her colleagues. She’s not really an artist and she did them in like a couple minutes, yet here they are showing off to each other their cards.

Wants to get better at cooking, for as good as she is at baking and decorating, making actual meals.. Well she can make food of the same type. Xiao just doesn’t really have experience in making other types of food, and she wants to expand that skill.

Really loves knitted stuff in particular?? Something about it is cozy. In winter especially there are often a lot of knitted plushies like deers and she has to resist the urge to buy them, because she knows she won’t be able to stop once she starts.

[silverislander]

hello hello im here to learn about juno please 🤲 2, 10, 12, 18, 23, 28, 30, 33 and 34? :3

FUCK YEAH THAT'S SO MANY

2. what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favourite song?

yes!! i have playlists for p much all of my dnd characters inc her. i know she likes classical music, a lot of instrumentals, she has a much more formal taste than most of my other characters (cal gets rock music, neri gets pop). the playlist tends to be more so stuff that i like listening to that fits them than stuff they'd listen to tho, so it's not very representative of her tastes. the song i usually associate her with is nuvo orchestra's merry-go-round of life from howl's moving castle, mostly bc i see it playing during One backstory scene

10. if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favourite gem?

she doesn't tend to wear much! that's a little surprising given how formally she tends to dress and less surprising given that she's butch and watches haven't been invented yet. she usually only has earrings (usually just plain black ones, sometimes gold if it's an Occasion) and a gold tie pin. that pin was given to her by her best friend who she is Gal Pals with (they're not together but god they should be. Circumstances keep them apart) and it's her spellcasting focus as well. i think she'd probably like tanzanite! she likes dark purple and blue

12. how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

iirc i made her two years ago during the summer! mostly made her up while i was bored at work knowing that my friend group was planning on playing strahd soon. best i got for her birthday is that it's midwinter, i didn't specify beyond that. i think she likes birthdays but she's not going to go crazy abt it. she's introverted so she'll probably stay home or just walk around town, get herself a small treat and head home again to read for a while (unless keziah, juno's not-gf and government assigned extrovert, interrupts her to drop by and demands an actual celebration), but she'd be happy to plan a party for someone else who would enjoy one more. probably plans keziah's every year

18. their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

ok so unlike cal (and neri, who is an impressionable child) juno actually has Morals. she's never killed a person and doesn't want to, lying is wrong, stealing is wrong. Unless. and this is a big unless. it's necessary and unavoidable. if lying will save your life, it's ok to lie. if you have to kill to survive, then you have to do what must be done. if, like juno, you're a dhampir who has to feed on human spinal fluid in order to live without blinding migraines and what is essentially withdrawals, it's ok to steal that/ask your best friend to do medical malpractice a little bit so you don't lose your mind from hunger. this is going to be really fun in practice bc her whole party are almost all "violence won't solve this problem but it might create newer, more fun problems so we can't rule out the possibility" people

23. how would you describe their voice? can they sing?

bc it's dnd i regrettably have to do juno's voice so it's a bit hard ghsdfdjkk. i do an australian accent while playing her (probably not a good one. but who cares) and i think i tend to speak at around the same pitch i usually do. she sounds kind of shy and can talk a bit on the slower side. i don't think she's an excellent singer, but she can probably carry a tune!

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

oh i think abt this a LOT. so it's hard to get juno to genuinely admit that she hates someone bc she wants everyone to like her and think she's a good person so fucking bad. the guy who turned her by literally injecting her with vampire blood? now she does hate him, he ruined her life. but the worst she really does abt it is give him the cold shoulder, trash talk him to friends and hold a lifelong grudge. she won't blow up on someone she dislikes unless they do smth awful first, she's going to keep all of that inside until it eats away at her and try to remain civil

she is a big acts of service person if she likes someone tho. my favourite example is w her and keziah bc keziah bakes, but she's really, really bad at it. the only thing she's made successfully is sugar cookies, everything else burns, is undercooked or just tastes awful and she won't stop bc keziah needs to be good at this and also everything else she does ever. and juno eats anything keziah gives her. no matter how bad it tastes juno will try to choke it down, at least some of it, to make her feel better. she has literally gotten food poisoning over it and she'd do it again. like if juno is friends with you you're gonna know bc she's going to be trying to do your chores for you or offering to deal with that thing you didn't want to do. every time she goes home to visit her parents she winds up weeding the garden w her mom even tho she hates gardening

30. do they smell like anything notable?

probably tea! she really likes tea, also uses it to hide the taste of spinal fluid when she drinks it so she has it often. i think she likes fruity kinds like apple or raspberry :) and/or ink, bc this is the era of writing with quills

33. if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

it really depends on who you ask, bc people have some varied ideas of her. i think most of her coworkers (who she was around most of the time) would say she seems nice enough but they don't really feel like they know her, maybe kind of cagey/nervous but really into her subject. the party, at least as of rn, would probably call her an uptight nerd. they're both pretty correct lol

34. how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

i think she'd be like... objectively correct, just on the facts? but her self image is just FUCKED. juno calls herself a teacher first, introduces herself as dr vanidestine half the time, would probably talk abt her job more than her personal traits. the problem is that 1. she is very self conscious but also 2. literally thinks she can outsmart the demon she's bound to serving. she won't say she's smarter than anyone, but she does really think she's smarter than most of the people she knows. it's kind of insidious bc she can't know how incorrect her self perception is, and it's abt to bite her in the ass

[apoorplayer]

december tcc challenge but i did the whole thing bc i was bored lmao

* What music genre fits your tc the most?

early 2000s pop punk , lol . he has the voice for it

* What's your favorite personality trait for your tc?

his confidence for sure . he says everything like he knows he’s right and it’s so hot

* Do you think they fit into a certain aesthetic or two? If so, which ones?

closest aesthetic i could fit him into is like ,, soft artsy boy ?? that’s the way he dresses at least lol

* If you could, how would you comfort your tc?
(Like if they seem to be having a rough day)

whenever he seems like he’s having a rough day i just try to make him laugh :)

* What type of winter activity do you think is their favorite?

he seems like a snowball fight type of guy tbh lol

* If you could (or have) what book or movie would you recommend to you tc?

any emily henry book !! i think he’d like the humor in those books + would love for those romcoms to give him some ideas ;;)))

* What's their sense of humor like? Is yours similar?

he’s obsessed w “cringe” things lol , we have very similar senses of humor and he’s told ppl he thinks i’m rlly funny hehe

* What's the nicest thing your tc has ever said to you?

sometimes he compliments me in this super low voice and it actually makes me MELT but one time he basically said he loves the way i act and it made me never want to change myself lol

* What wintery activity would you love to do with them?

cuddle up together and watch christmas movies <333

* What do you think your tc's love language is?

prob quality time . he’s all ab spending time w ppl :)

* Do you have a quote or poem that you associate with them?

plentyyy of song lyrics ,,, like the entirety of using you by mars argo <333

* Do you prefer emailing them or talking in person?

talking in person BUT emailing him feels so special esp since he always emails me first hehe

* Do they have a signature cologne or perfume?

nooo i wish he did tho lol

* Is your tc someone you can go to for support?

yeah i think so , he can tell when i’m having a bad day and tries to comfort me :)

* Have you ever pictured yourself with their last name or vice versa?

all the time tbh

* Is there anything you don't like about your tc?

we have completely opposite political opinions hahah and we both feel very strongly ab those opinions

* Have you ever seen them in a really bad mood?

not a RLLY bad mood , but he did get super sick awhile back and he would legit come into lunch and just lay on the floor lmao

* Does your tc ever laugh differently when they're with you?

yeahhhh hehe i made him laugh harder “than he ever had before” :))))

* What's your tc's staple drink? (If they have one)

vanilla coffee for sure

* Is there anything that the two of you have in common? Is there a lot?

we’re both gaming and coffee nerds lol

* Have they ever targeted you directly in class or in the halls?

he comes up to me a lot in the halls , we don’t have class together tho so </3

* Have you ever said anything that might have given away your feelings?

i don’t think so , i try to keep my feelings pretty hidden lol

* Do you dream about them often?

WAY TOO OFTEN

* Is your tc more physically or verbally affectionate? Or not at all?

def more verbally affectionate :)

* If you could, (or have) what would you get your tc for Christmas?

prob some rlly nice coffee beans hehe

* Do you like them in a romantic sense or in a more platonic way?

tbh more of a romantic sense but i know nothing would ever happen and i’m 100% ok with our current dynamic

* Are they a cozy sweater person?

no he literally wears short sleeve button ups in december 😭

* What color looks best on them?

green :)

* If you could see yourself the way they see you, would you take the chance?

yes ofccc

* What little habit they have is your absolute favorite?

when i’m talking i use hand movements a lot , and he always mimics them after i do them so i’ll get embarrassed . he thinks it’s so funny lol i love seeing him laugh ab it

* If it was legal, would you share a midnight kiss with them?

yes hehe

[jackalsinthekitchen]

pop report #7

america is not bored (for a minute, anyway)

Sometimes America gets bored, and dilutes its own hit parade. Only mass disengagement – ideal in an election year – could let that sacred democratic space become occupied, sorry preoccupied, with ranking thirty-one new Taylor songs from least to most enervated. But last week’s chart reflected a striking exception, a national rubberneck. For Drake and Kendrick Lamar are, yes, quite conceivably the Mike Jack and Prince of their genre (a proposed big third has been reviewed and rejected), and no serious, high-profile hip-hop feud has yet graced the streaming era. The 5/18 Hot 100 reflects a sudden, vicious bloom of disses, each star ultimately having accused the other – with apparent sincerity – of something unforgivable. It was savage, yet it perversely brought out the best in both artists, and showed up the old-headline hits as trivialities.

Drake has no status as an innovator, though his preference for doleful singing over speaking has proven influential, helping blur the lines between popular genres. Moreover, he can but must not dance – ergo, not much of a Mike Jack. Yet his place is secure atop the album charts, no matter what he’s on about this time around, and he rivals fellow maybe-mercenary Swift for consolidating power over time. Kendrick’s prolificacy would earned him a verbal dressing-down from the spirit at Paisley Park, and his joie de vivre dwells at an opposite pole. But unlike the Dylan Nobel, that K-dot deserved his Pulitzer felt self-evident. As with Jackson and Nelson, the division of clout and cred feels clean until you stare longer – and also, the artsier one is much pricklier about being associated with the less artsy one closer to world domination.

Amid innumerable chronicles of the fracas are good articles; the beef isn't mine to condense. But the records remain the record. In a field of cherry-bomb epics, Lamar’s “Not Like Us” scorched the widest radius, and now it’s a #1 forever, just like “First Person Shooter”. After a breath of sweet soul comes that graveyard stab of strings, pilfered from a Monk Higgins cover of Ray Charles’ ominous lament “I Believe to My Soul” and sped the hell up. Lamar is hopped up on his own venom, every accusation a gouge; he means fucking business, and it’s the coldest of kills (“stab this way, stab that way”). It’s ruthless, but the smooth dexterity of his performance is riveting – whatever’s on the tip of his rapier, the music is still the point, which helps the unease go down easier.

After all, imagine what a dark landmark this would be if hip-hop’s most handsomely paid icon is, y’know, guilty of all that. “I think that Oakland show gon’ be your last stop,” Lamar spits, after raising (as opposed to prefabricating) the specter of Tupac, half of the most famous such feud – a bicoastal tempest that left two all-time luminaries dead. Without comparing each hypothetical loss to art, the threat of either principal failing to survive this spat has been too terrible to touch, the way the horrific inconvenience of a civil war maybe keeps it from manifesting in our violently polarized era. The level of discomfort this event has and could attain was built to compel morbid fascination. As Americans, we’re awfully accustomed to unimaginable outcomes – and what we move on from says strange things about our ways of processing.

But even when we can't, we often insist on stepping into a sweet denial chamber for a second. Sandwiched between two million-selling musical murders is “Million Dollar Baby”, the club-ready runaway smash from one of those sleepy-eyed white guys with a certain kind of facial hair. The now-aptly named Tommy Richman is from TikTok, and his robotic funk savvy reminds me of Peter Brown’s “Do You Wanna Get Funky With Me”, a one-man simulation of something Black that feels bloodless, but more than functional. The summer and its songs are now upon us, and one of them is that other musical murder: “Euphoria”, Kendrick’s first full-length shot across the bow. “You’re not a rap artist, you’re a scam artist” has waited behind a lot of lips since Drake’s ascendency, but nothing could sound as juicy as Kendrick just letting it slip over a dreamy Teddy Pendergrass sample. Then he erupts with molten contempt, trenchantly transforming a human mess into something profound.

“This conflict did not begin with an act of violence,” Michael Harriot reminds. “In a sense, [this] is really about Black excellence.” And although Lamar’s bars being brilliant is as foregone a conclusion as Drake’s next album going #1 – though any fallout remains to be seen – it remains the apparent responsibility of the Black musical icon to vault over established standards, to pull out every stop. No album has masterpieced harder than Cowboy Carter in a hot minute, and had it lassoed the entire top 10 like Swift’s album did, it would’ve resulted from a livelier, more rewarding mass listening project. Yet stats suggest Taylor’s unwieldy latest affair is winning the attention war – though it rarely gets more exciting than the dirgey “Fortnight”, a flagship single featuring Post Malone, the original sleepy-eyed white guy with a certain kind of facial hair.

Though the album gives up slow rewards (like “I wanna kill him”, it’s in stray lines that hit you sideways, as opposed to the inescapable hooks we rely on her for), I’m on Team Disappointed – and yeah, tTPD’s concurrence with Beyoncé’s ambitious and open-armed coup amplifies my chagrin. The theory that unprecedented validation has eroded TS’s humility and editorial sense is confused by how casual and canny Midnights was at once. Maybe after a tumultuous personal spell and a generous spectacle of a victory-lap tour, this functioning workaholic has earned a This One’s for Her. Yet the album’s overall efficacy as a sedative or a diary feels limited, especially comparing it to the sumptuous acoustic textures and painstaking craft of folklore. She’s not banal yet, but the watered-down EDM “Fortnight” revisits is beginning to wear thin.

Three places down from the archetypal club hit by the white kid is a folky country banger by Shaboozey, a Black performer, rather closer to Zach Bryan’s misty reveries than Morgan Wallen’s rap-smitten flexes. “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” stands as strong a chance of uniting and lighting up a crowded room as “Million Dollar Baby”, though the vibes are otherwise irreconcilable. Our country’s ever-unresolved racial dialogue can feel most productive, or at least most interesting, in the pop-musical realm, though it isn’t always easy to know what questions and answers the constant cross-pollinations are raising. Disheartening recent influx of male artists notwithstanding, the way the Blackest and whitest pop genres are talking to each other right now is politically exciting. It goes beyond softened borders, with Bey’s panoramic expansion of an old Ray Charles concept merely the most pointed, adventurous example. But masc vs. femme, Black vs. white, queer-coded vs. painfully straight, in the box vs. new under the sun, Champagne Papi vs. Kung Fu Kenny – our musical landscape is an ever-restless one, the central conundrums rarely under threat of resolution.

My point, such as I have one, is that if you slice off the top of the charts you always end up with an interesting double record, with even the most recent Swift swallow a more interesting double record. Cue up side 2 of whatever variant you chose of this round, and you get the casually buzzing hornet’s nest “Like That”, with Kendrick already sounding brutally peeved on his verse. The needle then hustles you into the petulant intro to Drake’s “Family Matters”, for which “Euphoria” already provided some context if you’ve been off the grid. Drake's track lands no point harder than how long this month has lasted.

Compare the normally sedate, reflective Kendrick’s palpable anger – you feel the threatening brush of the quills of his mind – to the normally sedate, unreflective Drake’s manufactured-sounding intensity. His sense of affront sounds weakened by his well-funded complacency – easy to project, like the idea that he farms out his verses. But rap is like jazz; the central instrument is too communicative to conceal much. For the former Degrassi MVP, anything like sharpness feels like an imitation. He sounds inconvenienced where his rival sounds murderous, a comprehensible tactic that as fits go earned worst-dressed on the skirmish’s fizzled-out conclusion(?), “The Heart Part 6”. “Matters” is a deft cut which admirably matches the mood-shifting “epic” vibe of “Euphoria” et al. But even with Drizzy stepping up, the contest was never exactly a close one.

The temptation down the rabbit-hole of whether Kendrick is a spousal abuser – a charge so hyped up in the drop, it has the feel of a secret a kid can’t keep in, rather than, like, a lie – isn't much match for the distracting allure of Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso”, the latest surefire trifle in a neo-neo-disco wave. Dance music hasn't sounded so percolation-for-percolation sumptuous as it does on this (or, say, the casually flawless “Dance the Night”) since Nile Rodgers was still [c]hic. The song’s unhesitant strut is the kind of thing you just bow down to, pure feelin-yourself momentum from a versatile new star whose identity appears as malleable as Chappell Roan’s is uncompromising. Its phrasemaking, its effervescence, its on-vacation give a fucks – the song is like “Flowers” in full flower, being single as a garden of delights earthly and otherwise.

This top ten is rounded out by a far more gentlemanly duel, for it’s the season of not just the sticks but the Growly Boys. The unabashedly dramatic “Beautiful Things” and “Lose Control” are how-tos for those interested in self-immolation, over a cause Macklemore will swiftly remind you isn’t the end of the world (love, or pussy I suppose. or both). Benson Boone and Teddy Swims sure do have diaphragms; not a dandruff-grain of irony sullies either’s heaving shoulders. Each song has a guaranteed valentine future: karaoke challenge, front-lawn boom box staple, so forth. And both, if you listen over and over (which, why), largely validate their own abundant sincerity. Both also serve to make the “take me to church” guy sound like a paragon of smoothness and restraint, on his new one, which lands like a less self-satisfied, slightly doomier Maroon 5 hit.

Other chapters in America’s bestselling beef (“meet the grahams”, “Push Ups”) fill out the top twenty – the album this feud forms is a great, if bitter and bewildering, one – dispelling a slow-moving cloud of flukes and superstars. SZA, always a lot more subtly exhilarating than people seem willing to concede, continues to gaze out over the waves she rode last year. Ariana finds her place in the moment by encouraging single-soul vulnerability, rather than trying to lead an army of discontents to liberation. Taylor simulates the instant standards she didn’t hold herself to writing this time, dragging herself to the gym and onstage, feeble but serviceable revisitations of “Anti-Hero” self-loathing and “Bejeweled” self-puffing. Jack is still in a post-nut haze, Noah is still wistfully welling up, and Zach and Kacey are still stuck somewhere between the present and past – reminding us just how hard this moment will hang on as it fades into whatever’s next, as moments do. Whatever we don't remember, someone will.

[literallykenmaandshoyo]

Fare Thee Well (Ch 2)

SBI x Platonic!Gender Neutral! Reader

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Requested by: None

Genre: Angst

Proofread: Nope

Music: Kingdom Dance from Tangled

Warnings: Reader having a nightmare, Tommy talking about therapy, Sam mention

Summary: Tommy brings himself around more often. He's a good kid and you don't mind having him around. He brings out the good side of you that you thought you lost after your second life. You owe Tommy a lot.

Author's Note: A Tommy-centric chapter! I wanted to work on the reader's relationship with Tommy since they're both younger siblings compared to Technoblade and Wilbur. It's obvious the two are close and Tommy trusts them a lot. I wanted to convey that more. I'm sure its obvious who hurt the reader but I like not saying it by name :)

-Mod Kenma

Tommy slept over that night. He cuddled up next to you with a cup of tea while you read a book out loud. You had a guest room available but Tommy refused to use it. Through awkward sentences and stumbled words, he confided in you that he was afraid of being alone. You didn't hesitate to allow him in your bed, making space for your lanky brother. Going to sleep was easier than usual. Having Tommy there reminded you that yes, you were alive. You were living and breathing. He grounded you in a way that you weren't used to. As you drifted off to sleep, you found yourself deep into a memory you wished to forget forever.

It was windy and cold, unforgiving weather you could never quite get used to. You shivered, not dressed for the weather. You were in the freezing cold to assist your brother. You had heard about the execution that was planned and couldn't just stand and watch. You needed to help him. You shivered and trudged on. A figure was there in the snow with an axe in hand. Were you too late? You ran, not even bothering with the snow. There your big brother stood in all of his glory. You sighed with relief and pushed your hair out of your face. "I was so worried." You began to explain what the plans were and how you were going to help him.

"How do I know you're here to actually help." You froze, confused. "W-Why would I lie to you?" The cold was starting to get to you again. "I would never betray you; family." How dare he assume you would do such a thing. "I can't trust anybody associated with the government. Especially you and Tommy." What the fuck. "This has nothing to do with Tommy. Why would I go out of my way and freeze my ass off and come all the way out of here to lie? Have I ever lied to you? Just because I live in L'Manburg does not mean I don't care about you." The axe shifted in his hand ever so slightly.

"Phil already warned me. He sent some of chat over. I think I can take care of myself thank you very much." You rolled your eyes. He was always stubborn. "Besides," The axe was raised to your neck. You felt yourself shake but you weren't sure if it was because of the cold or fear. "I need to set an example." It all happened so fast. You weren't sure if he did it because the two of you were siblings or because you were the only L'Manbugian in the area. Your head flew off of your body, landing close by. Your body fell to its side, leaking out blood. You were found like that before you finally respawned in your house with a fresh new scar on your neck.

You woke up with a jolt. As you looked around to ground yourself, you noticed Tommy. You ran your fingers through his hair and tried your best to calm your breathing. The last thing you wanted to do was wake up Tommy. He couldn't see you like this. He was still so small and fragile in your mind. You slowly rose from your bed and grabbed a throw-on cardigan you had for situations like this. You quietly walked to the kitchen and turned on your stove. You placed the old beaten-up kettle you had owned since what felt like forever on the burner and grabbed a mug.

It was an old mug that was used time and time again whenever you felt like shit. It was something that helped you feel better, even if it was just a little bit. While you were in your own little world, Tommy had awoken. Surprisingly, it wasn't because of you missing. It was because he was cold. You heard the pitter-pattering of feet and quickly turned around. Tommy slowly walked up to you, wrapped in a blanket. "What are you doing up?" He asked, yawning. You poured the warm water into the cup and sighed. "I just couldn't sleep. Weird dreams." Tommy nodded and grabbed a mug and carefully inspected your tea options. "I get those too." He said, grabbing a tea bag and gently plopping it into the mug. You poured the water into it and went to the window seat in your living room.

Tommy followed you and sat on the opposite side. There was a beat of silence before you spoke up. "I have nightmares." You muttered before taking a sip of your tea. You felt extremely vulnerable but it was Tommy. You always found yourself telling him the truth. It was the least you could do for him. After you heard what the twins put him through, you knew you had to be honest. "When you were....gone..from L'Manburg, tensions were high. Whenever I wasn't visiting you, I was running around trying to help Tubbo and the cabinet as much as possible." Tommy looked at you with big blue eyes, bringing you back to your childhood. You would read whatever book he brought to you in the living room.

He would go through Techno's books and pull out whatever looked interesting to him. Every night, you would read to him. You took a deep breath and continued your story. "I tried to help. I really did. I wanted to make sure that he was okay. But...he thought I was one of them. It all happened so fast." You found yourself struggling to finish your thought. The burning sensation of the axe digging into your skin made you shudder. Tommy nodded and put his drink down. "I go to this thing called therapy. Sam talked me into it. He said he thought it would be a good idea to talk about what I went through and...get help I guess." You watched as Tommy picked at his nails. You grabbed his hands and let him play with your fingers as he continued.

"It's...nice, yeah nice. I like being able to talk about stuff without feeling like I did something wrong. I feel...comfortable there. I think you should go." You nodded your head and looked out the window. The sun was slowly rising. "I'll look into it. You should head back to bed, it's almost morning." Tommy turned to the window and sighed. "Okay." He squeezed your hands and took his cup of tea to bed. You finished your now cold tea and sighed. Maybe it was time to get your shit together. You had a family gathering to go to after all.

[jishyucks]

The L Word ‣ hjs

‣ genre: angst with a fluffy ending, arranged marriage, sort of modern royalty (rich kid!au), female reader

‣ wc: 2.1k

‣ summary: “Tell me, Han. Has she ever explicitly told you that she loved you?”; in which Jisung's afraid that Y/N's going to leave him in rising of rumors but learns he shouldn't judge a situation from the words of others

‣ warnings?: The Hwang 'sibs' are mean in this (just a bit), lowkey rushed, jisung runs off because of overthinking

Looking at the ballroom’s appearance, Jisung feels as though he shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Like some puzzle piece placed in the wrong box. The people attending the party lived lavish lifestyles, knowing the difference between the different forks placed at the tables. Etiquette was more important to them than the basics a middle-class person would even care about.

Though Jisung had good ideas of such subjects, it wasn't forced onto him like those around him. The only reason why he was able to attend the party was because of a marriage arrangement your father and his father had made as some kind of sick ‘contract’ regarding business. Though he wasn’t complaining, feelings for you developed through the years of knowing you since childhood, he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about a handful of things.

For one, you guys were engaged through the arrangement. It’s been three years since the announcement, and even if Jisung believed you were fine with it, even if you ensured to Jisung that you were happy with the engagement, intrusive thoughts started keeping him up at night.

He knew you. You hated speaking out your feelings, whether it led to consequences or not. What if you actually weren’t fine with it? What if you were somehow threatened by your father and the contract to actually speak out about the engagement? He didn’t want you to feel forced to marry him.

Then there was his family’s reputation. His family was deemed drastically poorer than yours by the other associated families and businesses. He was afraid of tainting your family’s reputation or seeming like one of those leeches found at the bottom of murky ponds. Though it was an arranged marriage, Jisung had genuine feelings for you. It was his father that was in it for the money and Jisung was nothing like his father.

“Hey, scrounger!” Jisung turned to find Hyunjin and his sister Yeji approaching him from the opposite corner of the room. They both were dressed in clothes that were probably a lot more expensive than his own, his clothes being hand-me-downs from his father.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Yeji smirked, “You don’t even have business here.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, eyeing down the boy.

Jisung didn’t cower under their gaze, instead of straightening his back, “I’m here because I was invited. My father was invited as well.” Don’t show fear, he told himself, That’s what they want.

“Ahh~,” Hyunjin chuckled, “Good way to disguise 'because of Y/N.' Tell me, Han. Has Y/N ever explicitly told you that she loved you?”

Yeji butted in, laughing, “I think love is too strong of a word… how ‘bout like? Has she ever told you that she liked you? Cause rumor has it she’s planning on breaking your engagement.”

Jisung gulped, “S-she has… and gossip is bullshit.” He lied. When the arrangement was created, there was some kind of unspoken assumption that you both liked each other. As a result of this, no confessions were made from you both. Sure it was stupid, but in Jisung’s eyes, actions spoke louder than words, and just by how he treated you and you treated him, you both cared very much for each other. Of course, other people never paid attention to actions and relied on direct statements.

“We don’t gossip, Han,” Hyunjin scoffs, “Who would pass up the opportunity to marry Bang Chan when he’s the son of the top businessman in all of Korea?”

“What do you mean?” Jisung’s heart skipped a beat, eyed widening slightly at the mention of Bang Chan’s name.

“His father apparently wanted to create a deal with her father that was a lot better than his deal with yours,” Hyunjin explained, “Isn’t your engagement part of that poorer deal?”

Jisung chose not to reply, biting his tongue. Instead, he shoots Hyunjin a narrowed glare, not up for defending himself or arguing. With the lack of response from their target, the siblings simply rolled their eyes and walked away, taking a seat at their designated table.

When the attention was diverted away from him, Jisung couldn’t help but let his shoulders fall. He feels his heart beating quicker than at rest, thoughts running through his mind like crazy. You wouldn’t leave him just like that right? You wouldn’t.

Then his mind wanders back to Hyunjin and Yeji’s question. Yes, he did think that actions were undoubtedly stronger than words, but now that a spotlight was shone on the hidden yet obvious fact that you both hadn’t said anything about each others’ feelings, he couldn’t help but believe that you could possibly be leaving him. But then again, he has never said anything to you and his feelings existed.

He felt the sudden urge to look for you, who had been busy accompanying your father with the guests. Maybe he will actually confess how he truly felt, just in case you were actually thinking about breaking the engagement. Maybe he could save it somehow, just in case your father was willing to make the deal with Mr. Bang.

Chewing the bottom of his lip, he scanned the room, looking for the lavender dress you were wearing. But with the clumps of people, his line of sight was constantly stopped abruptly.

“Excuse me,” he mumbled politely, making his way through the crowd, “Excuse me.” He ignored the looks some people gave him, still slithering his way between the socializing people. Though his hair was parted in a way that exposed part of his forehead, he felt the need to hide under his bangs, keeping his head low as he did.

The familiar sound of your father’s laugh drove Jisung to stop and look around his area. If he was close, you’d be close. Scanning his surroundings completely, he finally spots your father, with you standing close beside him. He feels a smile rise on his lips as he begins to make his way towards you both, heartbeat racing just as his thoughts were.

Opening his mouth to call out for you, he quickly stops himself when he realizes that you and your father were holding a conversation with Bang Chan and his own father. His feet abruptly stop, allowing him to overhear the exchange of banter.

“Well, it was a pleasure having this conversation with you,” Mr. Bang chuckled, “I will see you on Monday for the papers?” He held a hand out for a handshake, a smile filled with pride appearing on his lips.

Your father nodded, “Likewise. I’m looking forward to it.” He completes the handshake, which then queues for Chan to lean in for a hug.

Shit, Jisung gulps, feeling his heart drop to his stomach, What the hell just happened?

You take a step forward and hug Chan back for a brief second before pulling back, “I hope you enjoy the rest of your time here, Chan.”

Chan’s dimples appeared as he smiled genuinely, “Thank you, Y/N.”

Jisung was frozen on the spot, unsure whether or not he should say anything. The notes that he had mentally jotted down in his head were suddenly ripped into pieces and he was practically speechless.

Obliviously, you turn to follow your father, who was already ready to move on to another conversation. Mid-turn, the boy dressed in a striped, navy suit had caught your attention, giving him a double-take, “Oh! Jisung!” The corners of your mouth rise higher, eyes lighting up at the sight of the familiar boy. A wave of comfort washed over you. It was refreshing to see him after interacting with so many strangers and acquaintances.

When you go to approach him, Jisung panics and begins to back into the people behind him. It was then you noticed the look of distraught on his face, causing you to speed up. At this, he turns and runs, causing commotion around him as dodges those who got in his way.

“Jisung!” You called out, turning the heads of those people around you. The music had drowned your voice out from those further away from you, “Jisung!?” You begin making your way through the crowd of people, going as fast as you could in heels so that you wouldn’t lose Jisung. A million assumptions were running through your head, worry lining each and every one of them.

Swinging the door open, Jisung finds himself stumbling out into the empty corridor of the hotel. With the choice of left and right, Jisung stops and impulsively runs in one direction, not minding where he would end up if kept running.

So you were going to break the engagement… without warning? How were you going to break the news to him? How was he supposed to react once you told him about it all? Happy? Sad? Excited?

You finally reached the door of the ballroom, slipping out rather roughly into the corridor. Your head whips left and right, seeing Jisung’s trailing feet to the right of the hallway, turning the corner. You let out a heavy breath before kicking off your heels, booking it in that direction.

Your mind wanders to why Jisung was running. What did he hear? Was he okay? Could it be what other people were saying again? But Jisung was never usually one to let words get to him.

Jisung lets himself rest once he gets to a secluded room. Judging by its content, he realized that he managed to slip into the coatroom, but he didn’t care. He needed time alone to think. He just needed to process this entire situation.

“Jisung?” He hears you call out. Jisung sinks down at the corner of the room, resting his head against the wall. He stays quiet, resting his forehead against his knees.

The door to the coat room opens, revealing your disheveled figure, “Jisung…” You pause and try to catch your breath, “There… there you are.”

Jisung doesn’t lift his head, afraid that if he did face you, he would burst into tears. He could sense you approaching him, though, settling down beside him. He could feel your dress up against him. Soon he feels your hand take his, holding it tightly.

“What’s wrong?”

When Jisung doesn’t answer, you don’t say anything to push out an explanation. You let the question simmer, resting your head against his shoulder.

At this point, Jisung’s mind was projecting none of his thoughts but static. He didn’t know where to start and what to bring up. How was he supposed to confront you about the engagement?

“I’m happy for you two,” Jisung blurted out quietly, avoiding eye contact, “I really am.” Your ears perked up, confused at what Jisung was going on about.

“I think people will like you both together more than us,” Jisung continued, “Just know that I lo–“

You interrupt him, turning to completely face him, “Jisung, what are you talking about?” You turned your body towards him, completely facing the cowered boy. Though your body language was practically begging for eye contact, Jisung still avoided it, playing with his rings to keep him from losing control over his emotions.

Building up his confidence, Jisung let himself look at you before whispering, “Y/N?” He sniffled quietly.

“Yeah, Sung?”

Jisung gulped and asked, “Do you like me?”

You’re taken aback by the question, not expecting it out of all the questions Jisung could have asked. Is this why he was crying?

“Of course I do, Jisung, what makes you thin–“

“I mean genuinely like me. Do you have feelings for me?” Words were spewing out of his mouth before he could even process what he was saying. He could feel his emotions taking control of himself, which often is never a good thing.

“Jisung, I love you, okay? Why do you think otherwise?” The beat of your heart sped up with worry. Your eyebrows knitted together in concern as Jisung’s lips quivered slightly.

“The Hwang's told me you were planning on breaking our engagement because Bang Chan’s father offered a better deal than my father,” he explained quietly. He felt as though that if he spoke any louder, he would break out into tears, “I told them I didn’t believe them… t-then they asked me if you’ve ever told me if you did have feelings for me. I just didn’t know what to think when… when I saw your father accept Mr. Bang’s deal. I was afraid you were actually going to leave me.”

You gently slapped his shoulder in shock, “Han Jisung, are you serious?” Jisung responded wordlessly, though a puzzled look replaced his previous emotion.

“My father approached me beforehand about it. He wanted to break our engagement because of the deal, telling me that it was no longer necessary,” you say, “But I told him I wanted to marry you because I love you, Sung. And if he did threaten to forcibly break our engagement, I would’ve fought for us.”

Jisung wanted to laugh at himself at how much he had overreacted. Overthinking was a bitch and this situation was real-life proof, “Y/N?”

“Yeah, Sung?”

“I would fight for us too.”

[stopeatingwhales]

the 1995 brits x damon albarn & liam gallagher

hhhiiii I'm here with a very cute little fic about the brits!! the idea of writing something with Damon and liam fighting over someone was requested quite a long time ago (sorry it’s taken so long omg) but I loved the idea!! I do hope you all enjoy it as I enjoyed writing it a lot hahah xx

Pairing: 90s damon albarn & 90s liam gallagher x reader

Warnings: nothing, just a little bit of bickering n dat

Word count: 3.057

Requested by anon x

༉‧₊˚✧

Being a part of the madness that adapted the name ‘Britpop’ was truly an experience. Paparazzi at every corner you turn, equipped with the brightest, flashiest cameras, also having the most annoying click noises to the point that after one image you’ve earned yourself a migraine that would last the entirety of the day; parties that would last entire nights, bearing millions of different kinds of drugs - some that hadn’t even been given a name yet, but you’d still give a try anyways, since you’re so high and drunk that you simply lose the intellectual capability to construct decisions, you say fuck it, and get so high to the point that you’ve blacked out in a booth in a bar, with the owner asking you to get out since you’ve been inside for one too many hours after closing time; as well as constant press coverage. With your name plastered over literally every newspaper and music magazine known to man, as well as having your entire life consistently dictated for the entire nation to read about every Sunday morning and indulge themselves into as a form of entertainment, it was what being famous delivered, right on your doorstep at 7 in the morning. Any earlier and you’d feel rude not to give them a cup of tea as a form of dignity and respect towards their sublime dedication to the job. Although it was fun being associated with it all, my band in particular gaining a different form of calidity due to it being a female fronted band, by the time that the entire nation was hooked on this ‘Blur vs. Oasis’ rivalry, it was as if every other britpop band had been washed away from existence, due to eight boys arguing as to whom had the better music. And the better looks, according to Liam Gallagher.

Tonight was the night of the Brit awards, perhaps the most prestigious awards ceremony for music. To be awarded a Brit was probably the largest achievement possible in British music in the form of an award, and it was definitely either going tonight to either Blur or Oasis. The chances that another band, say Pulp, were to get the award, would not only be extremely amusing to see the reactions of the two biggest names in the Britpop game, but would also cause the largest uproar in the nation. It’s either Blur or Oasis. “Their drama is so silly,” laughed Emily, the guitarist in our band whilst flicking through the latest edition of the Sun, the cover of the newspaper being, of course, Liam Gallagher. “They’re literally bickering about who looks the best. How do people find this interesting?”

“Because of how silly it is, people never leave their secondary-school-like selves. Just a bit of fun I guess.” I replied, fixing up my hair in the mirror in front of me. We were currently getting ready to go to the award show, and needing to look your best was an expectation. Though I wasn’t dressed in anything that would result in jaw’s dropping, it was important that I at least appeared somewhat admirable - the entire nation always had their eyes on us, but tonight they were going to see us all, live. Perhaps the reason why bands like Oasis and Blur are so obsessed over nowadays, since all they’ll do is turn up in some flimsy Adidas t-shirt and call that fashion. I suppose scruffy was the new elegant.

“Who do you think they’ll give the award to?” she questioned, still aimlessly flicking through the recycled pages of the magazine. “I think Oasis. Their music is so much better than Blurs.”

“Really? I’d say Blur. They won on top of the pops, so the likelihood of them winning the Brit award is highly likely,” I answered, shuffling away from the strong reflection of myself towards Emily, my eyes quickly scanning the page that she had her eye on currently. “Gosh Liam’s so full of himself.”

“He’s got his eye on you, you know,” She said, shoving the paragraph she had just read in my face of Liam boasting about his little crush he had supposedly gained from watching our latest performance on top of the pops. “Thinks you’re ‘well fit’.”

Scoffing in response, I mumbled back to Emily. “If he thinks that he’s sleeping with me, he’s very deluded.”

By the time we had arrived at the venue, you weren’t able to walk into the entrance without at least 50 cameras blinding your eyes and the shouts of so many begging for you to quickly turn your head and grin - the price for the photo would reach the many thousands. Once walking in, it was less crowded, only having select people by the ground floor, dedicated for musicians and bands, with the occasional interviewer walking past to every circled table, adorned with white cloth and champagne glasses, asking questions about how they’re feeling, who they think may win, and what they thought of the music throughout the past year. What was nice was that people didn’t have that much interaction with one another, just with their groups. It created a sense of formality in the space, which made me feel a bit at ease from the idea of some random row happening in the middle of the floor, most likely between Liam and Damon. The past year in music was truly something. Britpop was at its peak the entirety of the year, with songs like Parklife and Supersonic pouring out of every radio station in Britain that by the end of the year, you had ditched casual radio music and began blasting the classical station. It was a nightmare. Since the fall of grunge subsequent to Cobain’s death the previous year, the talk of any other genre in Britain apart from Britpop didn’t occur. It was as if we were living on this mystical island, miles away from any other music and culture, whilst adorning and obsessing over our own. What was nice about Britpop was that it was a pure celebration of English culture, whether it be a simple Sunday roast, or going to school, they all carried the same ambience of nostalgia and pride - also disregarding whichever band wrote what song.

“Free champagne… Yes please,” said Madeline, the secondary guitarist of the band, whilst heading to the first seat she could sit on, then quickly indulging herself with the first taste of the rich drink. “Oh my gosh it’s heavenly!”

Laughing at her reaction, the rest of the band took a seat around the table and took their first sips of the champagne, which we would all come to find to be indeed heavenly. Small talk was shared here and there with the rest of the group, but overall I stayed silent. In all honesty I found attending award shows was quite boring because if you didn’t end up getting an award, you would essentially be sitting there for two hours doing nothing. Even if you did win an award, it’s simply a minute of glory with the speakers blasting your music, and another minute of all eyes piercing into your soul as you make sentences about your gratitude towards those who had helped you along the way to earn such an achievement. I doubt anybody genuinely liked attending shows like these.

“The champagne is good, yet we don’t get enough for our table,” I complained, grasping my now empty champagne glass and waving it around in the air. “I’m gonna head to the bar to get a refill, anybody want anything?”

After receiving a handful of nos from the rest of the band, I took myself out of my seat and wandered over to the bar, which was empty, perhaps due to the venue not yet being completely filled with all the artists that were set to attend the night. “Just a refill of the champagne, please.” I asked politely, handing the bartender the used glass I had kept in my hand. Whilst waiting, I noticed that Damon was on the other side of the bar, who also didn’t notice me there, until he caught eyes with me.

A grin broke out on his face as I walked over to him. “You alright?” He asked me, quickly thanking the bartender for his drink and turning back to look at me. The height difference between us was evident, but it wasn’t the case of something so dramatic that he was the height of the empire state building and me, just a measly common tower in the city. He looked quite content, his hair scruffy yet neat, along with his outfit being just as I had assumed: a white shirt with jeans, a used pair of Adidas for shoes.

I smiled back at him and nodded. “Suppose you have high hopes for the award tonight.” I said, simultaneously receiving my refill of the beverage I had ordered, followed by my thanks. We stood adjacent, although there was enough distance between us to establish our relationship - mutual acquaintances whom had met every now and again, since they’ve both been dragged into this wormhole of madness. He was quite the opposite in comparison to his rivals, though he himself could be quite bothersome occasionally, he still had a grasp to what those may call sensibility.

“Oh well we’re better than them, aren’t we love?'' He chirped, his head now cocked to the side in a teasing manner. “I’ve heard that you’re rooting for us this year.” He added, a little smirk pasted on his face.

“Do you read every paper you see?” I questioned, my face turning away from him in slight embarrassment. Between us, there was no shared intention for a relationship to stem, though there was definitely a flirtatious tension that followed between us wherever we had met. Whether it be a random photoshoot for a magazine double-spread, or backstage at top of the pops, we always managed to share a chat with one another, and nothing else followed on from then. It was quite sad, because once you’ve established a connection between something you either both disagree or agree with in terms of societal views, something in the press, or life in general, you’re instantaneously cut off and asked to hop onto stage to record a meaningless three-minute performance with fake, plastic instruments which practically mean nothing.

“Well it was nice seeing someone else's face on the papers for once.” He replied, downing his drink, then ushering at the bartender for another. A thing that we both realised was that, between our conversations, we indirectly indicated that we were both there for each other, because we both had a complete understanding towards what may be happening to the other person. It was stressful being in the limelight constantly, and for someone who was the frontman of a band so large, with his face plastered on every magazine cover imaginable, things were bound to be stressful.

Sighing, I turned to face him again. Despite the fact that before I had the ability to respond, our conversation was cut short from a voice shouting my name from behind. “Well if it isn’t bloody Y/N.” the voice said, and from then I instantly knew it was Liam’s. Turning my face away from Damon’s, I locked eyes with Liam. As always, he was dressed in the usual: a parka, with casual jeans. Oh, and don’t forget the Adidas shoes. Even though he and Damon practically hated each other’s guts, they always seemed to have similar fashion senses, but I could never picture Damon in a parka. And I don’t think I even want to.

“How’ve you been love?” He asked, swinging his arm around my shoulder in a warm, but nonchalant manner. Me and Liam had a similar relationship to that of mine and Damons, simply just minusing the sentimentality of it. We were friends, and had come across each other at random parties, which opened the gateway for us to drink and get high together many a time. While he was quite the idiot, he was also a very fun guy to be around, but I knew Damon would never understand that. “And why’re you letting this twat chat to you?”

A laugh escaped Damon’s throat. “I think you’re the only twat here, Liam,” he began, a sigh leaving my mouth as I was trapped in a situation that I could only pray didn’t gain much traction from the rest of the attendees. “Me and Y/N are friends, don’t suppose we’re getting jealous are we?”

Liam’s grip on my shoulder tightened as I stared at his reaction to Damon. I felt quite small in this situation, due to me needing to tilt my head a good amount to properly look at Liam, and knowing if I left it would just erupt chaos and make it worse. “No need for me to be jealous when I know that she wouldn’t want to spend a minute with you in bed you bastard.”

“And you’re so sure about that are you?” Damon replied, amusement laced in his words. “Because you’ve totally spent a minute with her haven’t you?”

“Well I’ve got my arm around her haven’t I? And she’s not stopping me,” Liam argued back, a smirk entwined on his lips. Reaching for my hand, Liam grasped it lightly, then then brought it to his lips, kissing it, before holding it gently. Method of intimidation, perhaps, and though it was sweet, there was a time and place. And this was definitely neither the time, or place. “Who’s the jealous one now, eh?”

“The last I recall, she had hoped that we were winning this year, not you,” He boasted, moving the contents of his drink around whilst grasping it firmly. Whilst it would be something that would offend Liam, he was simply the type of person to not take criticism regardless of whomever it was coming from. I respected him for that. “So much so for a healthy relationship.” Damon mocked, staring into my eyes as a small laugh escaped my lips.

Granted that I had found the argument shared between the pair of them to be extremely silly, it was good entertainment as the time passed before the award show would begin. Watching them both, attempting to throw insults at one another, each one trying to cut a little deeper than the one previous, made me almost laugh at the both of them right there. “You know, it’s so silly that you both think you know me so well to think which one I’d pick from the both of you,” I said, detaching myself from Liam’s embrace and snatching my half-empty glass of champagne. “At this point, it’s neither of you.”

Walking back to my band’s designated table, I quietly took my seat as the show began. “Saw you chatting to Damon,” Emily whispered, raising her eyebrows. “Also saw you grinning like a madwoman.”

“Oh shut up you,” I replied, looking back at the bar to notice that both parties had left, assuming back to their places. “There’s nothing going on between me and Damon- Liam too in fact.”

~~~

As the ceremony went on, the boredom got to us. Even the amount of drinks I had didn’t entertain me, but what could we do, we were stuck in the middle of an award show celebrating music, even though I had largely doubted that the majority of those attending were enjoying themselves. I had no clue who the awards were going to be handed out to, and whether that somebody may be us in a category, but we all knew Blur were going to win something. Yes, Oasis had gained a lot of fame and had become one of the most famous bands in the music scene at the minute, but by the way things had gone for Blur after the release of Parklife, things only seemed to go further up from there. And that was only proven to be truthful, after Blur had left with four different awards.

After Blur had received their fourth award for best British group, we all knew that there was nothing left for Oasis. “They’ll get it all next year, they only debuted this year you know.” I said to the table, who were staring at the four smiley boys on stage as they trotted up to receive their award. I admired Damon as he said his speech, then also turning to look over at Liam, who looked quite evidently pissed off. He was practically drooling in anger from the sight brought to him at that particular moment, and I couldn’t blame him - their band hadn't gone home with one award that night, but neither had ours. “They’ve taken four awards home, isn’t that like, the most anybody has ever taken?”

“Indeed it is,” Madeline replied, taking a sip from her drink. “Must be a good year for them then, eh?”

As I watched the band leave the stage in absolute glee, I stared at Damon as he walked back to his designated seat for the short remainder of the evening. Despite the fact that my band had been sat in our seats the entire evening in complete boredom, just like Oasis and so many other acts that had been nominated for pointless awards, it would be a lie to say that I wasn’t proud of how far Blur as a whole had come and evolved through their music, and especially Damon. From beginning as young, bowl-cut boys only charting so far on top of the pops, to creating songs and melodies that could unite our entire nation, it was impressive.

Damon was the face of Britain at this very moment, and a very good looking one. Once I watched him sit down, he scanned the room for a while until he was able to find where I was sitting, which was parallel to his seat, merely a couple metres away. He connected eyes with me as soon as he found me, also accompanied with a small smirk painted on his expression as he raised his eyebrows and sent me a wink. I simply smiled back at him in response before turning away abruptly, disrupting the little moment we seemingly shared, and though I felt my heart flutter a little, he’s definitely not winning me that easily.

[charmingyong]

Trust the Magenta Lilacs

Lilacs symbolize spring, renewal, and first love. Magenta lilacs symbolize love and passion. Regardless of colour, lilacs have a lasting association with love and romance.

Genre: Taeyong x fem!reader, university, humour, fluff, angst, slow burn, friends with benefits, friends to lovers

Characters: Y/N, Taeyong, Joy, Johnny, Yuta, Ten, Mark, Jaehyun

Warnings: slow burn, suggestive themes, talks of sex (not explicit), emotional trauma, swear words, alcohol consumption, harassment, feelings of betrayal, trust issues

Plot: You weren’t interested in relationships. But your dear friend Joy was desperate to have you living a more thrilling university life. She introduced you to a group of boys, in which one of them shook your heart.

Word count: 26k

Disclaimer: This story was inspired by a talk between my sister and her friend about their friends' relationships. Regarding this, the main characters are completely fictional and do not fully represent these people nor the true personalities of the idols casted. If you are triggered by the warnings, I advise you to either read with caution or not read this. There's only a couple of scenes which I think can be triggering for some people.

A/N: The italicized English lyrics half-way in the story is My Everything by NCT U. 

© 2021 charmingyong.

- ❀ -

“I’ll be back shortly with your drinks.” Your server gave you and Joy a smile before leaving your table.

You took the time to look around the on-campus restaurant. It was just after two in the afternoon, meaning a lot of students were still in classes and explained the numerous empty tables. A soft music was playing in the background, creating a peaceful ambiance for anyone to come in and de-stress from their routine while enjoying a variety of comfort foods on the menu. Life wasn’t stressful just yet, as it was only the beginning of the fall semester of your senior year.

You brought your eyes to look at the girl sitting across from you, her gaze dreamily locked onto the retreating figure. “He’s so hot with that mustache,” she said. Once the server was out of her sight, she shifted her gaze to yours for a sign of agreement.

You didn’t say anything. In fact, you already forgot how he looked like the second he left your table and you didn’t give him a second glance. Because you didn’t care. Joy raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for your response and so you said the truth. “I don’t remember...”

Her eyes blew up in shock. “You sure you don’t have a short-term memory loss or something? How can you forget his super handsome face? Like you don’t have to look at boys just for relationships, you know that right? Unless you’re...” she trailed off with a sly smile.

You rolled your eyes at her. “If I was, I would have kissed you by now.” You stuck your tongue out at her playfully.

She let out a sigh. “I’d love to have that kiss. But jokes aside, you’re seriously missing out. You can literally do anything and your parents won’t know. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you do bad things, but looking at guys isn’t a bad thing. Maybe you’ll find a guy that catches your eye and something happens between you two. Like talking, flirting, crushing on him, becoming friends with him... maybe fall in love. When else is the perfect chance to meet boys than in university?” Joy ended off with an excited and hopeful expression on her face, wishing that you’d agreed with her.

You only shrugged nonchalantly. You weren’t scared for your parents to find out about what you were up to and you didn’t care. You knew how to your ‘me’ time in your upper years compared to when you were a freshman. Considering the amount of tea Joy brought to you to spill, you preferred staying single than having drama in your life.

You knew Joy was respective with your decision to stay single because she knew that made you feel comfortable. But at times like this, she would try to talk you into giving boys a chance. Joy didn’t want her friend to end up feeling lonely and unhappy. You only really had Joy as a good friend, thanks to your introverted personality. One time she asked you whether your decision to stay single had anything to do with your father, in which your reply was a prompt no. But you thought about it from time to time. What if it was?

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “You’re coming with me this weekend.”

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“I don’t want to.” You knew what Joy was referring to. There was a party happening this weekend. Whenever Joy went to attend parties, you stayed back at your shared apartment. You never liked the idea of going to parties when you weren’t ready to mingle with strangers.

“Before you say no again, actually take your time thinking about it, Y/N.” With that, both of your drinks arrived.

- ❀ -

“Are you sure you really, really, really don’t want to go to this party? It’s for your own good, Y/N, and I promise I won’t leave you alone.” Joy brought out her best puppy eyes and pouted with her bright shade of red lipstick on her lips. She looked stunning standing by the front door of the apartment, wearing a black mini dress under a black leather jacket.

You knew she wouldn’t leave you alone without a warning and you also knew it was for your own good. But you couldn’t care less about it. Go stubborn! “Even though you look super cute right now trying to talk me into coming with you, I’m super sure about not going to this party,” you said confidently.

Joy’s face fell momentarily before picking up her mood again. “Well then, I’ll be heading off. Don’t stay up for me in case... you know,” she winked at me and walked out the front door.

- ❀ -

You woke up the next morning with someone shaking you roughly, almost pushing you off your bed. “Y/N! You need to come with me now!”

“What the heck Joy? Let me sleep,” you groaned and snuggled under your cozy blanket. But Joy had other plans and ripped the blanket from your body, leaving you slightly cold. With the way Joy was determined to follow her agenda, you groaned and sat up. “Fine, what is it? Where are we going?”

She squealed in excitement with a huge smile plastered on her face. “We’re going to their house!”

“Whose?”

“To Johnny’s and his friends’!”

Who was Johnny? “Why are we going to their house, especially this early in the morning? Is their house some sort of museum?”

Joy giggled at your joke. “It is in a way. And Johnny invited you over.” Your eyebrows furrowed, confused that a boy you had never met invited you to his house. “He’s really a sweetheart and a gentleman and the other boys are really friendly too. You don’t have to be nervous about the meet. They’re curious to meet you after I talked about you at the party.”

You were used to this. Joy always talked about you to others as if she was running around and sharing your dating profile to prospective partners. Though she never actually tried to set you up with someone. She would only talk about you and your non-thrilling life and your vow to stay away from boys.

She never forced you to meet boys and so the fact that she was doing so then shocked you.

“Don’t worry. You will like them too. And find them hot. I just know it! All I’m asking is for you to give them a chance. Just trust me and let’s go, please?” Once again, she shot her signature puppy look at you, making you sigh in defeat.

- ❀ -

When you two reached the front door of their house, Joy knocked. As if on cue, the door opened immediately to reveal a tall guy with a beautiful smile adorning his face. “Good morning, ladies. You must be Y/N. I’m Johnny. Come on in and please make yourself feel comfortable.” He moved to the side to let you two in.  

Once in the living room, Joy turned her head to give you a look. You could read her face well and knew that she was asking if you found Johnny hot. You didn’t give her any sign of response, wanting to create suspense for her.

“Joy talked about you at the party and it would be a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad she loved my idea and brought you over to meet me and the others.”

“But why would u want to meet me?”

He gasped, not believing that you didn’t know the reason yourself. “You’re seriously asking me that? It would be a huge honour to hear you call me handsome. Girls always compliment me about my dashing looks that it would be interesting when a beautiful girl like you would say otherwise.”

Beautiful girl? “You’ve never seen me before. How would know if I was beautiful?”

“Because everyone is beautiful.” A voice was heard behind Johnny and a boy appeared beside him. “Hello princess, I’m Yuta. Always at ladies’ service,” Yuta said with a smile and a wink.

Your heart fluttered yet also cringed a little internally with his flirty manner. Joy had warned you in advance of a flirtatious guy named Yuta. The good thing with him was that he made sure to stay within his limits and he wouldn’t do anything to make the receiving end feel uncomfortable. You hadn’t known him for even a minute and you weren’t not sure whether you should like him or be wary of him. Though you had to give him points for saying that everyone was beautiful. “I like that you guys think everyone is beautiful.”

He chuckled. “Think? Oh no. It’s a fact, princess.”

Another boy showed up. “Wait, what’s the fact?”

“Everyone is beautiful.”

“Oh yes I agree. Everyone is, especially my Johnny. He once grew out his hair past his shoulders and I fell in love with him all over again. By the way I’m Ten, and you are Y/N, right?”  

“Yes.”

“Ah the Y/N Joy talked about last night. It’s a pleasure to meet you, princess,” Yuta gave you a smile so beautiful that made your heart heal a little. “But I have to say. Mark sleeping on such an honourable guest is quite disrespectful.  

Johnny nodded. “I agree. Mark!” he yelled. “Quit sleeping and come down! The royal highness is here!” You were starting to think whether these boys’ sanity was okay, treating you like you needed the red carpet to walk on.

A faint grumble was heard from above, followed by some light footsteps making their way down the stairs. In entered a boy you guessed was Mark. His face was scrunched up with his messy bed hair. When his eyes landed on you, his eyes blew up and looked like he was fully awake now, flustered that your first impression of him was his sleepy appearance. “Oh hi there. I’m Mark,” he greeted you with a smile.

Ten snickered. “Y/N knows since you needed a special wakeup call from hyung.”

Mark elbowed him in the ribs, making Ten let out a small cry of pain.

“Mark! We don’t condone violence in this house, especially in front of ladies,” Johnny scolded.

“But hyung-”

“No!”

Mark grumbled under his breath. “Not fair.”

Yuta heard him. “Do you want a boo-boo kiss for hyung being mean, Markie?”

“What the hell hyung? No!”

You were grateful that Joy dragged you out of bed to meet a bunch of boys you’d never seen before. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find them attractive. They were pretty handsome. But that was it. You didn’t feel anything else inside you that would make you want to interact with them in a manner more than friends. The way the boys were polite with you and playful with each other made you want to be friends with them.  

In the midst of everything happening from the boys pulling each other’s legs (not literally thankfully) to your train of thoughts, you didn’t hear the front door open. From the corner of your eyes, you saw a figure appear that stood a few feet away from you. When you shifted your focus onto it, your breathing stopped momentarily and your blood rushed faster inside you. The boy’s gaze was locked on you, not moving a single muscle to see what his housemates were up to. His poker face intimidated you, and you felt like a deer caught in headlights, paralyzed. What shocked you the most was his big brown eyes, so large that you could see yourself in the middle of the galaxy.

- ❀ -

“Y/N, are you taking any easy courses right now?” Ten asked. “One of my classes is going to drive me crazy and I want to switch out.”

After all the boys were introduced to you and numbers were exchanged, Johnny suggested having breakfast together. You sat with Joy and your new friends at a nearby diner, talking about school while eating your meal.

“Hmm... how about Korean? I’m taking the beginner’s course so it’s all basics.”

He nodded looking satisfied. “Having the others around already has me knowing the basics. So that sounds like a good class to me.”

“I’m going to switch too,” Yuta blurted.

Mark was surprised with Yuta’s announcement out of the blue. “I thought you liked all your classes. And you’re super fluent in Korean.”

“Where’s the fun if I’m not around Y/N? Plus, they don’t have paper proof on me that I’m better at Korean than you.”

“HYUNG!”

While you were busy talking about the course syllabus and who they should contact as there was an upcoming quiz, Taeyong felt his mobile vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out to see a message from Lez. “I’m going to see Lez today,” he informed Johnny who was sitting across from him at the end of the table.

“Weren’t you gonna hang out with someone already today?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong nodded. “Yeah, Brie. But I’m meeting Lez before the party tonight so I’ll get to the party with her.”

“Alright man.”

Joy overheard them and she wasn’t sure how to feel about Taeyong. She hadn’t been able to learn much about him at the party, considering he was absent most of the time when she talked to the others. All she heard about him was that he had many girls in his contacts.

“There’s another party tonight?” you asked from Mark’s outburst when he challenged Yuta to rap his verse that he prepared for the party.

“Of course! It’s Saturday. Parties happen until Sunday even.”

“I mean- I know that but Joy didn’t tell me...” and you figured it was her plan to have you clueless until she could strike her chance to persuade you. If you had known beforehand, you would have slammed a big fat NO on her face. You turned to Joy with suspicious eyes, but she only looked at you with innocence, batting her eyelashes.

“You are coming right?” Yuta asked you.

Ten spoke up, not willing to take any objections. “Of course she is! Now that she has us, we’re dragging her to the party. We’re not having her miss out on another party. She needs to live a little.”

Mark nodded agreeing with him. “Yes Y/N, you really should come. You can just hang around us. Please?”

With the way Mark pleaded you with his adorable cute eyes and pouted lips, you couldn’t help but agree to finally go to your first ever party in university. “Okay.”

Everyone at the table let out various noises of excitement. You could have sworn you saw Joy’s eyes tear up in happiness. Johnny, who was silently watching the commotion, smiled at you, pleased with your decision.

That was everyone except for Taeyong, who was smirking at his phone.

- ❀ -

“So how do you feel about the boys? Was I right?”

You and Joy said your goodbyes to the boys from the diner and drove back to your apartment. The boys decided to pick you and Joy up tonight and go to the party together. You slumped down onto the couch, feeling good about the interaction and making new friends. “Yes, you were. They’re friendly and funny too. Gosh that was so nerve-wracking on our way there though, not knowing what to expect.”

Joy punched the air in glory of her victory. “Yes, yes, yes! Okay but the main question is do you find them hot?” she asked eagerly. Your nod made Joy do a big happy dance and yelled out a “Finally!”

“They’re all pretty handsome. I would actually hit myself if I said they weren’t. But that’s about it. I don’t feel anything else towards them.” It was the truth. Their good looks didn’t spark anything else inside you besides warmth from their playful interactions that you witnessed. The only exception did go to-

“That’s fine! To hear you finally find a guy attractive is enough for me to die in peace.” She closed her eyes and wiped away her nonexistent tears. “But who struck you the most?”  

When your gaze was locked on the boy with deep brown eyes, you heard Johnny introduce you to Taeyong. You shifted your sight to the owner of the voice and that was when you learned that the name of the boy who made you feel uneasy was Taeyong. You felt your breathing somewhat come back once your eyes were anywhere except on him, but your stiffness was still there. His mere presence made you feel intimidated by him, which was why you tried to sit as far away as possible from him at the diner. Though out of all the boys you met, he was the most good-looking.

“Taeyong,” you answered.

Her face fell at your answer, which wasn’t the reaction you expected. “What do you feel with Taeyong?” Joy grew anxious.

“You don’t look happy.”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to feel with Taeyong. I haven’t really talked to him at the party and I don’t want you to get involved with him more than just friends.”

To say you were shocked was an understatement. After all this time of Joy getting you to interact with boys, she placed a restriction with the one you found the most good-looking. It wasn’t a problem anyway as you didn’t feel anything else with Taeyong except for running away from him. “But why?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know the truth and I don’t want to sound like I’m judging him without knowing the truth. But it seems like I’m already doing that,” she chuckled to herself. “He... talks to a lot of girls.”

You were confused. What was that supposed to mean? “Does he like fuck around with them?”

“Well I don’t know about that, but he is seeing a lot of girls and he’s not officially in a relationship with anyone so it’s not like he’s two-timing or cheating, but... You know I don’t want you getting hurt, especially since I forced this whole meeting boys thing on you. I don’t want him to mislead you and have something more than friends going on but at the end breaks it off and hurts you. I just want you to be happy without getting hurt.”

You nodded, understanding her. “I know you only want the best for me, Joy.”

She laughed quietly. “Remember what I said one time if you were to ever have a boyfriend?”

You smiled, vividly reminiscing her words. “That you’ll do a background check on him to make sure he’s good.”

She nodded. “Because I don’t want you to go through what I did with my past exes. Being friends with Taeyong is fine. Anything more than that and I’m not going to sit around and do nothing.”

- ❀ -

“Y/N! Are you ready yet?”

The evening rolled in faster than you expected and you were nowhere near ready for the party. You were going to your first ever party in university so you wanted to dress up the very best. However, your wardrobe was lacking the appropriate attire for the event.  

Joy walked into your bedroom to check up on you. “What’s taking so long, girl?”  

You sighed loudly, giving up on your search for the perfect outfit and you lied down on your bed feeling disappointed. “I can’t find anything to wear.” 

Joy walked up to your open wardrobe and shuffled your clothes around. She paused and picked something up, showing you her selection. “This is so cute!” she gushed. “I’ve never seen you wear this.” 

Lifting your head up, you saw her holding a top that you had never worn before. Because you didn’t have the confidence to do so. “I’m not wearing that.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re wearing this or I’m going to make you wear one of my dresses.”

That was all she had to say before you jumped onto your feet and snatched the top from her hand. Your friend snickered, knowing how much you hated wearing dresses.

You heard a phone ring, making Joy pull out her phone and answer the call. “Hey John!” she greeted in a sweet tone. “Okay, we’ll be there in a bit.” She shoved her phone back in her pocket. “The boys are here waiting for us.”

- ❀ -

Johnny parked the car on the road among many other cars and your group walked down the sidewalk that lead up to the extravagant exterior of the house. Once inside, you were amazed by the humongous space and even more by the number of people occupying it. Students were talking with red solo cups in their hands, dancing with the music blasting from the hi-fi stereo system, playing games and laughing at the losers. If Joy or any of your new friends left you alone, you were going to cry. You did not fit in here with your monotone studious life.

Johnny informed your group that Taeyong was going to arrive at the party on his own. You weren’t sure whether you hoped to find him or avoid crossing his path. He hadn’t talked with you at all yet, neither at their house nor at the diner. Your theory was that he was a quiet boy. But if Joy was right, then how would a quiet boy have many girls in his contacts? He had to have talked to initiate something with them. But then considering his looks, girls would have approached him first. You were close to concluding that Taeyong didn’t like you and that was a problem if you and Joy were going to hang out with the boys often. He was going to be unavoidable unless he was busy himself. As if the thought of him not liking you wasn’t enough, you on the other hand were simply intimidated with the aura he radiated when looking into his eyes.

“Y/N, follow me!” Ten grabbed your hand and led you to the other side of the house. There was some space by the wall, looking like a stage for performances to occur. You were curious what acts were going to take place.

An unknown guy showed up with a mic on the stage. “Yo whatzzup everyone?” The crowd who was there to see the stage cheered loudly. “Alright so we got the Misfit gang ready to perform. Are you ready for a rocking, roof raising performance by them?”

A collection of loud yeses and cheers had the music begin. No one was on the stage yet, leaving the performer a surprise. Right before the verse began, Mark stepped onto the stage with a mic, making your eyes blow up in shock.

“I’m a misfit manneun fit jachega eopji

Sumi teokteok makin oseul ibeun neukkim

Jigyeopji gomin eopsi geunyang rip it

Nareul kkeureonaeriryeo halsurok get lifted”

You gawked at Mark and his ability to spit fire just minutes after arriving to the party. You realized that the rap Mark was referring to over breakfast was the performance for Misfit.

And what followed next was beyond your wildest imagination. The crowd parted to let Taeyong walk to the stage while rapping his verse.

“Aesseo nal jaedanharyeoneun geon dwaesseo

Jigeum idaero ga the best never mess up

Uisimi eopji geujeo bring it to the next

Nan deunneun bangbeobeul molla I’m a def”

You were struck by how handsome he looked wearing a black button-down shirt and ripped jeans with matching hair colour that made his beautiful face stand out even more. And though you were still intimidated by him, your heart couldn’t help itself from fluttering at how handsome he looked as a performer. 

One after another, the rappers made their way to the stage at the appropriate time for their verses. Johnny was the last one to jump on and his entry made the girls in the audience squeal in delight. It seemed like Johnny was quite a catch for the ladies.

When all the rappers sang the ending chorus, you were dazed by Taeyong’s presence on stage and the power he held. And it was not just you who slightly swooned over him, but other girls and boys too. After their performance ended, you heard a guy from the crowd yell “I love you Taeyong!” that resulted in a series of confessions being thrown from the audience to the rappers on the stage.

“So did you like their performance?” Ten asked you.

You nodded slowly, still in shock with the adrenaline-rushing performance that you were blessed to see. “Yeah totally! I didn’t know they could rap like that.”

“As expected from the aces,” Yuta said.

“Totally,” Ten agreed. “Oh hyung! Wanna go grab some drinks? Y/N, do you want some too?”

You were starting to feel a bit anxious with the number of people you were surrounded with. Before entering the place, you noticed a balcony on the second floor and wished to go there so that you could breathe comfortably. “Sure but am I allowed to go on the second floor? I want some fresh air.”

Yuta nodded. “Of course. You’re allowed to go anywhere unless there’s a sign that says otherwise. I’ll come up with your drink,” he smiled at you before Ten dragged him away.

The staircase was easily spotted and right when you took a step, you forgot about Joy ever since Ten dragged you away for the stage. You tried looking around, but you couldn’t spot your friend. Pulling out your phone, you found a notification from her.

Joy: Looks like you’re in good hands ;) call me if you need me <3 have fun!

You let out a breath of relief, grateful that Joy wasn’t mad at you for forgetting about her. With that, you made your way up the stairs and down the hallway to the room you guessed had the balcony. The door was fully open, displaying a full view of the balcony. Perfect! You poked your head in to make sure no one was inside. All clear! Walking up to the balcony, you leaned on the railing and took a fresh deep breath of the chilly night, instantly relaxing.

It wasn’t long until you heard footsteps that made you turn on your heel to see who was coming in your direction.

Taeyong.

With a girl beside him.

Hands linked together.

When he saw you face him, he held your gaze for a few seconds, his face unreadable before disappearing into the room adjacent to yours.

He did it again. He made you feel anxious. And a thing you confirmed about him was that he did have something going on with girls that involved a bedroom.

You left your room as you had no interest to listen to their private activity. Halfway down the hall, Yuta showed up with a drink in each hand. “What’s up, princess?” he asked, handing you your drink.

“I’m not feeling the balcony anymore.”

He peeked over your shoulder at the vacant balcony room behind you, giving you a look like you were crazy for ditching an awesome quieter spot compared to the floor below. “Come on! It’s empty and the view looks great.” He began walking in the direction of the balcony room until…

Noises were heard behind the closed doors.

He stopped in his tracks and realized why you were against the idea. A smirk made its way onto his face and he pointed an index finger at the room Taeyong was in, silently asking you if that was your reason.

You nodded.

Yuta strolled back to where you were fixed. “So you really are a virgin?”

You felt embarrassed. It sounded like you should have lost your v-card being a senior student. “Yeah…”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Y/N. I had a guess that you were when Joy talked about you.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

He shook his head, disagreeing with you. “No, it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with that. People have their reasons for doing it or not.”

That made you think about Taeyong. What was his reason? Was it just to satisfy his sexual desire? Was it something else?

“What’s your reason? Waiting for someone special?” he asked.

You did have your reason, but it wasn’t the one Yuta guessed. You were never interested in that special someone to come into your life and for that reason, you chucked the idea of ever having your first time out the window. Sure, one-night stands existed but losing your virginity to a complete stranger didn’t appeal to you. “No, I’m not waiting for anyone special. I am… like curious… but I wasn’t interested with any guy to… you know?”

He cocked his head to the side, amused. “I should have seen that coming. But are you still not into guys? Because…” he trailed off, pointing his thumb towards himself.

You raised an eyebrow. “Because…?”

He laughed. “Are you serious? Am I not handsome?”

Oh. For a brief moment, you thought he was implying you to have sex with him. You were almost positive that he was. To answer his question, “You are handsome, Yuta.” You remembered your first impression of his, debating whether to like him or not. After talking more with him, you realized he was only being nice to you and so you warmed up to him fairly quickly.

The pride he felt with your confession brought a huge smile on his face. “You do know how much it means for me to hear that from you, right? Any guy would die to hear that from you, princess.”

You frowned. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Nonsense. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he stated seriously.

It wasn’t that you thought you weren’t beautiful in your eyes. You were beautiful. But it was the thought of what if you weren’t attractive to the opposite sex that made you keep denying it, especially if they were only saying it to act polite. The way Yuta looked at you with soft sparkling eyes made your heart melt and so you believed his words.

Right at that time, you heard a door open and saw the girl with Taeyong earlier leave the room, followed by the boy himself. His skin was slightly flushed, couple of buttons on his shirt undone, and his hair a bit messier than before entering the room. He noticed you and Yuta standing afar and walked up to you both after sending a “see you later” to the girl. “Hey Yuta,” he greeted his friend first before acknowledging you. “Hi Y/N.”

And he did it again. Looking at you with his indifferent expression before turning to Yuta to exchange a few words. Your heart was beating so fast with your sight locked on his handsome yet intimidating side profile.

He looked at you for a brief moment, quietly muttering “see you later,” and made his way towards the staircase.

Your heart rate returned to normal after he left, but you were worried that it wasn’t going to be the last time seeing him that night. The untouched drink in your hand was the perfect solution to your concern and you downed it in one go, burning your throat.

- ❀ -

The next day, you and Joy went to their house after lunch. Joy had a review session with Johnny and Ten for math and while you knew Joy had put it off till her last year to finish the requirement, you were surprised that Johnny did the same. Ten being a year younger than them took the course at the same time in order to be with Johnny.

“Damn these first-year courses having huge lecture halls and being jam packed. We could have met earlier!” Ten whined.

“I know right!” Joy exclaimed.

You didn’t have anything else to do as your courses were fairly light for the first few weeks. The only thing in your agenda was your Korean quiz coming up in the middle of the week. For that, you had the word list saved on your phone to pull up easily. You tagged along with Joy hoping to hang around more with your new friends.

Johnny came back into the living room, looking nervous. “Uh guys, we have a problem. I can’t find the textbook.”

“What?! Hyung I trusted you!” It turned out that Ten didn’t purchase the textbook in order to save money. Why buy one when your friend had one?

“Oh no. I didn’t buy one thinking I can just go to the library and sign one out,” Joy said.

“We can just do that then. Go to the library,” Johnny suggested.

Ten groaned. “I hate libraries. It’s too quiet and serious. But we don’t have another choice, do we?”

Johnny only gave him a look, not saying anything.

With a sigh and an “okay,” Ten began gathering his stuff and shoving it in his backpack.

Johnny did the same and in the middle of it, he asked you, “Are you okay with library, Y/N?”

It was pointless to go there just to review off your phone. “No. Is anyone else here? Otherwise I’ll head home.”

Ten spoke up. “Mark is already at the library, the studious freshman he is. Yuta went out with his other friends. The only one left is Taeyong and he’s chilling in his room.”

Shit.

The conflict of deciding whether to stay or leave for home right at the moment was your fight-or-flight response talking. Taeyong was in the house. Alone. That thought made you want to fight and courageously talk to him and clear things up about his behaviour with you. Even though that idea had you panicky and wanting to flee, it had to be done because you wished to be on everyone’s good terms in the group.

“Okay. I’ll stay here then.”

Joy gave a you an unreadable look, which was a first. You could always read her no matter what the situation. But that moment had you guessing. Did she not like the idea of you being around Taeyong? Didn’t she say it was okay to be friends with him only? Was she worried for you? It was almost like she was warning you to be careful.

“Taeyong! We’re going to the library and Y/N will be here!” Johnny yelled up the stairs. There was no response.

“Hyung might have his headphones on.”

Nodding in agreement, Johnny said to you, “Okay Y/N. Feel free to make yourself at home. You’re welcome to have anything in the kitchen if hungry, watch or play on the TV. Anything. Understood?” He was making sure that you weren’t going to keep to yourself and feel like a stranger in the house.

“I’ll try,” you smiled at the heartfelt words.

Once ready they left, and you felt uneasy. You thought his mere presence just inches from you made your heart pump faster. But being alone in the house with him upstairs was slowly killing you.

You opted to sit on the couch and review the word list on your phone. After going through half the list, you hear a door open upstairs and soft footsteps making their way down the stairs. Your body stiffened, hands sweating, and the speed at which your blood was pumping made you feel a little lightheaded.

On his way to the kitchen, Taeyong froze in his tracks upon noticing a quiet girl on the couch.

You shifted your gaze to look at the flustered boy. He didn’t expect you to be alone.

“Hi,” you squeaked, your voice betraying you as if it had chosen the flight response and jumped out the window.

He recovered from the surprise and greeted you back. “Hi. Where are the others?”

You cleared your throat hoping your voice to come back and informed him of the situation.

He nodded in understanding. Ditching the reason for going to the kitchen in the first place, he walked to where you sat and settled down on the couch across from you. “You stayed,” he stated it in a way to indirectly question you the reason for your stay when no one else was downstairs.

You badly wanted to ask him something, but you were a little scared. Honestly, you were extremely terrified, but you didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t give any signs away whether he liked you or not. You couldn’t think of a single reason as to why he would hate you. If he liked you, as an acquaintance, then he was really good at hiding his emotions.

You cleared your throat again. “Taeyong, can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

Your heart was pounding against your chest, scared to hear his answer. “Do you not like me? I meant like... do you hate me?”

Taeyong’s eyes went big at your question. He never thought he was giving off that kind of message that made you think he hated you. He knew he wasn’t talking to you like the way others did. But it was for a reason that was opposite to not liking you. He really was into you and wanted to get to know you better. But his fear stopped him from talking to you.

He didn’t realize his silence was making you restless and made you jump to your conclusion. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is that made you not like me but if you let me know-”

“No! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act the way I did. It’s just that I like you and I don’t know what you’ve heard about me and I don’t want to mess up and I- I really don’t know what to say.” He buried his head in his hands, frustrated that he couldn’t find it in him to explain himself clearly.

You on the other hand went still by his outburst. “You like me?”

His head shot up in alarm. “No no no! I mean yes but no not like that. I mean like friends.”

You let out a breath of relief and flashed a small yet sincere smile. Both from knowing that Taeyong liked you and as friends only. You were not ready for a confession that fast from a guy that you had met recently without much interactions, especially from the one that made you feel intimidated. After hearing that him not liking you wasn’t true and seeing his softer side through his rambling, your heart rate started to return to normal and you no longer felt uneasy around him like you did before.

His fingers became fidgety, nervously wanting to ask you something. “Have you heard about me?”

You didn’t know what to say for a moment. You didn’t want him to think that you were judging him from the little information Joy told you and what you saw last night. Nodding slowly, you said, “Kind of, but I want to hear it from you. I heard you have a lot of girls in your contacts.”

Taeyong half smiled at you. “You’re right I talk to girls. But…” He was trying to come up with the right words without making him sound like a fuckboy or player even if the case sounded like that. “I make it clear with them in the beginning that I only want to be friends with them, or even taking it further to being friends with benefits if they want. No relationships so I’m not playing with anyone’s heart.”

Oh. “So the girls that you talk to are only your friends?”

He flashed a smile. “Yes. I promise I’m not a fuckboy.”

It didn’t make sense to you. What was the big issue with that?

“I know what you’re thinking.” He looked down at his hands. “I seek something from them. And if I’m not getting it, I don’t talk to them.”

Personal gain? But not sex? “They’re not your true friends, are they?”

He shook his head. “Not like the boys.”

“What is it that you need from them?”

He closed his eyes, sort of wishing he never started the conversation. It made him feel vulnerable and open to you when he had only known you, well seen you for a day. No one had ever asked him for the truth. The boys would only assume it was what he wanted and they knew Taeyong would tell them if he was in a relationship. They would observe his behaviour around the girls and he never flirted in a way to mislead them. All the girls knew what he wanted, and those more obsessive would try their ways to win his heart in hopes of a commitment from him and earn the girlfriend title. But that never happened with the boundaries set beforehand. Whenever a case arose of a girl finding her significant other, it was the time for him to end the friendship. Call it friendships or flings, he didn’t know. He could care less because at the end of the day, all he sought from the girls were…

“Affection.”

Taeyong came from a damaged household where his parents were divorced when he was in middle school. Too busy with their own lives, neither of them gave him, their only child, the love and attention every child needed growing up. Ever since, he had been searching for it without getting into relationships. He didn’t want himself or the other person to get hurt in a commitment, and this was him speaking on behalf of his trauma.

Taeyong told you everything. As the conversation went on, he realized he was bleeding his heart out to you. He didn’t know why he was sharing his deepest fear with you, the one he had never told another living soul before. Maybe it was the way you were willing to listen to him and gently ask questions that wouldn’t prick his heart.

He trusted you and that scared him.

You were speechless after he finished talking, feeling guilty for considering that he was a fuckboy. Your heart ached from listening to the trauma he experienced as a little boy. “You must have been through a lot.”

When he looked at you, you lost your breath again. But this time for a different reason.

The tears in his eyes.

“I- I’m so so sorry Taeyong.” You felt extremely guilty for letting your curiosity get the best of you.

He wiped his tears away. “Don’t be. I’ve never opened up to anyone and now that I did... it feels kind of good.”

You felt your heart flip and were grateful to be the one soul that Taeyong confided in. “Can I ask you a question?”

He chuckled softly. “You’ve been doing that all this time.”

“Can we be friends?”

He blinked. “Do you mean friends like the other girls or real?”

“Real friends. Probably like the way I’ll be with the other boys here. A real friendship... like the way I’m with Joy.”

The smile that slowly made its way onto his face was the most beautiful smile that you had ever seen in your life. It made you want to have a one-on-one talk with your heart and stop confusing the hell out of you for it to pound in your chest again.

“I’d love that.”

- ❀ -

The day of your Korean quiz arrived and you were eager to put your Korean learning skills to test. After the class ended in the evening, you got into the passenger seat of Yuta’s car and Ten took a seat in the back.

“How was the quiz, guys?” you asked.

They were able to swiftly catch up from what they missed the first class. Ten went over the word list a few times while Yuta scanned over it once and never looked back at it.

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy,” Yuta said calmly. You laughed at his choice of words.

“Same but I might have made a mistake,” Ten laughed at himself, not worrying too much of the first quiz.

“You would make a mistake if it was in English too.”

“Hyung, you’re so mean!”

“Why would Ten?” you asked Yuta.

“He can speak five languages so his brain is scattered all over the place.”

You were mind blown by the learning ability of the boy sitting behind you. “Seriously Ten?”

“Oh yeah! My mother tongue is Thai, I grew up learning English, then I learned Korean from the boys, then a little Mandarin from my other friends, and I’m learning a little bit of Japanese from Yuta.”

Damn. This guy was impressive. “I’ll be really impressed if you do better on the Korean quiz than me.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Sure. On what?” You were confident that you aced it, so you were positive that you’d win the bet.

“When we all go out to a restaurant and bar, the loser gets drunk.”

You have never gotten drunk before, only ever having one drink and called it a night. The most that you had felt from alcohol was feeling tipsy as you were more on the lightweight side. The idea of getting drunk for the first time with your friends around to keep you safe sounded like a good bet.

That was if you lost.

“Deal.”

Arriving at their house, you walked in to find Taeyong playing a game on the TV. He noticed you and paused the game. “Hey guys,” he greeted with his soft eyes landing on you, melting your heart a little.

“Hey hyung! What are you up to?” Ten asked, throwing himself on the couch beside him.

“Playing for a bit before going out.”

“Ooo~ Who are you seeing?” Ten wiggled his eyebrows.

“Mel.”

“That hot girl? How are you not dating her already?”

Taeyong looked at you with a knowing look and didn’t say anything. As if on cue, a notification chimed making Taeyong pick up his phone. He stood up immediately and began walking to the front door. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Have fun hyung! Be safe!” Ten teased.

Taeyong rolled his eyes at him and shifted his gaze onto you, sending a genuine smile before turning on his heels.

Your heart fluttered at the smile he sent your way. You liked seeing this side of Taeyong a lot, soft and smiling, unlike his previous cold self. This was the result of your courageous encounter the other day and you were quite proud of yourself to have resolved the matter with him.

“Okay guys! Let’s study Korean!” Ten shouted.

“Say that in Korean, you coward,” Yuta said.

“Hangukmareul kongbuhapsida!” Ten stuck his tongue out at Yuta.

“You didn’t translate ‘Okay guys!’”

Ten searched for something inside his backpack, retrieving a pair of scissors and chased after Yuta.

- ❀ -

The next few weeks, you spent time hanging out with the boys even in Joy’s absence. You would play Mario Kart on the TV with them, smiling proudly at the end for coming first place after one of the rounds. The shocked face on Ten riled him up and promised himself to beat you in the next round.

You had been getting closer to Taeyong, feeling super comfortable around him to the point you’d occasionally hang out in his bedroom. Only hangouts, nothing else of that sort. He was full of surprises and so out of all the boys, you spent the most amount of time with him. His bedroom was super tidy and clean, numerous small plants sat on a multi-tier plant stand, candles of different scents and some colouring supplies on a dresser, a pair of headphones and laptop with a few books and a Febreze spray on the desk, and a series of Polaroid photos hanging off the strings on the wall. The vibe of his room was so serene that you wished you could live there.

How you had gone from staying away from boys to coolly laying beside one on his bed was beyond your brain’s ability to comprehend.

Sometimes Taeyong would cook a meal in the kitchen and the shocking part for you was that he’d take the time to decorate it like 5-star restaurants would.

You took a spoonful of bibimbap into your mouth. “Oh my goodness! This tastes so delicious, Tae!” The flavours bursting inside your mouth had you wiggling a happy dance.

Taeyong laughed his heart out. “I’m glad.” His heart was happily drinking up your animated self, devouring the food he prepared with all his heart. He didn’t realize he was staring at you longer than he should, not realizing that he was growing a deep tender affection for you.

- ❀ -

Your Korean teaching assistant had returned the graded quizzes at the end of class. You noticed two errors in your writing and your heart sank. “Dammit,” you cursed in your head. You were so confident in your Hangul writing that you expected a perfect score.

Ten nudged your elbow. “So Y/N, what did you get?”

“Two mistakes,” you said in a gloomy tone.

His eyes widen in excitement for beating you. “I got one! I won the bet! Yes!” He began throwing punches in the air.

“You didn’t beat me.”

“Shut up hyung! You weren’t even part of the bet.”

As much as you were excited to get drunk for the first time in your life, you were worried. After you told Joy about the bet, she told you a fair number of stories of how people acted when drunk. What if you said or did something wrong? “You all will take care of me right?”

Yuta snorted. “Is that even a question? Of course we will! Why? How is our princess when she’s drunk?” he teasingly asked you.

“Uh... I’ve never gotten drunk.”

They both looked at you as if you had grown a third head.

“No way!” Ten couldn’t believe you. “How can you not have by now? It’s something everyone would have done in high school or freshman year. Even Mark has.”

You shrugged. “I just never went out of my way to drink like that.”

Yuta looked genuinely concern. “Are you okay getting drunk? This is something no one should pressure you into as well.”

You nodded. “Yeah I am. I’m curious to know how it’s like to get drunk, and if it’s with you guys, I feel better.”

“Exactly hyung! Otherwise she shouldn’t have agreed to the bet. And wait, what do you mean as well?”

You knew Yuta was referring to your v-card but Ten not knowing had you confused. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I’m a virgin.”

“YOU’RE WHAT?” Talk about getting two shocking facts in a row.

“I thought Yuta would have told you.”

Yuta made a gesture of him zipping his lips. “I don’t go around spreading news about someone’s privacy. I’m a gentleman. Unlike someone.” He hinted at Ten.

“Hyung!”

“Now that Ten knows, everyone’s gonna know. Sorry Y/N.”

Ten crossed his arms. He knew it was true. It was hard to keep secrets in his stomach. “I’m not gonna go around campus and announce it.”

“I know. Even if it’s just inside the house, you’re still spreading it.”

After the talk with Yuta at the party, you weren’t feeling embarrassed like you used to. As long as it stayed within your friends. “It’s okay. Shouldn’t friends know anyway?”

- ❀ -

The news did spread, and thankfully only within the walls of their house. Johnny had seen it coming, Mark was baffled and didn’t know what to do with the information, and Taeyong was shocked.

You were laying on your stomach on Taeyong’s bed, reading through your notes for a course. Taeyong was sitting by his desk working on his laptop. Your mind kept going back to the virginity conversations. You’d be lying if your desires and curiosity weren’t growing inside you. Hanging out with handsome boys had made you feel things in your body that you had never experienced in your previously dull life.

Hesitancy was getting the best of you to ask something from Taeyong. You didn’t want to make your friend feel awkward with your inquiry. But you didn’t want to ask him after having some alcohol in order to have more courage. You wanted to be sober and fully alert.

“Tae?” you called to him quietly.

He stopped typing and turned to you. Seeing your worried facial expression, he grew concerned. “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

You grew restless and you shifted your body weight to sit upright. With a deep breath, you said something that you never thought you’d say in your life.

“I want to have sex.”

You caught him off guard so hard that he began choking on air. After recovering from the initial shock, he gathered his thoughts and quietly asked, “With who?”

You bit your lip and shrugged. To be honest, you didn’t have anyone in mind, but you wanted to make sure it was someone you could rely on and be gentle with you. “I wanted to ask you if you know any guy who’d be interested in my first time. Someone who’s not going to be rough and won’t make me feel uncomfortable. Do you know anyone?”

Taeyong could hear his heart cry for how innocent you looked asking him. He didn’t want to say any other guy’s name other than himself. He could tell by your face that it terrified you to end up in the wrong bed, and he knew he would take things easy to make you feel intimate and comfortable. “I do know someone.”

Smiling excitedly, you asked who.

A brief silence from Taeyong before he confidently answered. “Me.”

Your face fell. Of course, you’d be over the moon to have the benefits with your friend, but you weren’t sure if it was the best idea. A warning bell rang in your brain to not go for it, but your heart wanted to. Taeyong was fast becoming a dear friend like Joy, and the thought of Joy had you remembering her words.

Anything more than friends.

This was still within the friendship boundary, so you didn’t think it was going to be an issue.

He observed your fallen expression and began panicking. “I mean you don’t have to with me. I can say someone else’s name. I’m not trying to take advantage of-”

“Tae!”

He stopped rambling. He feared his friendship with you was going to become awkward and regretted suggesting himself to you. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his head hanging low.

You on the other hand were slowly killing off the warning in your head and went to jump onto your heart’s desire. “No Tae. I’d like that.”

His head shot up to see if his ears heard you right. You smiled warmly, getting excited for your first time with a boy that you had been growing fond of.

As a friend.

“Are you sure?” Taeyong searched your face for any signs of discomfort and failed.

You nodded. “If it’s with you, I don’t think I’ll regret it.”

A fond smile grew on his face. “You won’t.”

After staring into each other’s eyes for a while, you had enough with the wait. “Can we right now?”

Taeyong chuckled at your eagerness. He got up from his chair and sat closer to you on the bed. He held your face in his gentle hands, admiring your innocence up close before placing his lips on yours.

- ❀ -

Ever since then, you and Taeyong had been spending even more time together. Whether it’d be in his bedroom, meeting up at random spots on campus, going out to different places for food and entertainment, and even going over to your apartment.

You’d both stay up and watch movies with Taeyong being a sucker for romance. You weren’t that being of a romance fan but only agreed to watch his reactions throughout the movie. He’d have a huge smile plastered on his face whenever the lead couple would have cute interactions, and tears rolled down whenever a heartbreaking scene occurred. He would seek comfort by clinging onto your arm and laying his head on your shoulder. Your heart did a flip every time he snuggled up to you. Sometimes he’d stay over for the night and when Joy noticed how intimate Taeyong had gotten with you, she thought it was time for her to do something.

The more and more Taeyong spent his time with you, the less and less he went out with his other female friends. He loved every second with you, craving to only be with you. Your friendship with him was at a level where he took every opportunity he could find to pat your head, hold your hand, give you kisses on the cheek, lay his head on your lap, and pull you into hugs when saying your hellos and goodbyes. You viewed all this in a friendly manner of course, for Taeyong to express his emotionally sensitive side to you, the love he had for you as a close friend. It was a total contrast to your first impression of him and you loved it.

After midterms were over, Taeyong suggested for the two of you to hang out at a café he discovered recently. You walked in, your jaw dropping in awe of the beauty that laid in front of you. The café was decorated from head to toe with various types of flowers. Every wall either had paintings or hanging flowers while baskets or vases of specific varieties sat on every table. Alongside the coffee and baked goods menu, there was a menu for all the types of flowers for purchase, whether as single flowers or bouquets.

Taeyong had brought you to a flower café and you loved it.

“Wow...” you whispered.

You shook out of your daze once you felt a gentle hand on your back, guiding you towards the counter.

After receiving your order for an iced americano and Taeyong for a strawberry cold drink, you both sat down by a table of magenta lilacs neatly organized in a white basket.

You took a sip of your bitter drink while adoring the flower basket. “They’re beautiful,” you said quietly to not disturb their beauty.

Taeyong agreed silently. Not as beautiful as you, he thought. You were always ready to give emotional support to your friends and offer your shoulder for someone to lean or cry on. But never once did you talk about yourself. He wanted to get to know you, not just on the surface but on the inside as well. “Tell me about yourself.”

You directed your eyes at the boy across you and laughed. “What is this? An interview?”  

He shook his head being serious. “I only know your present.”

“And that’s all you need to know.” You didn’t like where Taeyong was going with his words.

He sighed loudly and leaned forward to take your free hand gently, drawing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand. “I care about you, Y/N.”

He didn’t just care about you. He was falling for you. But he wasn’t going to confess his love for you just yet. His trauma from adolescence years still haunted him whenever he thought about commitments.

You leaned back slightly irritated. “I know but I- I... I don’t want to talk about it,” you muttered.

You wanted to forget about your past, have the memories buried so deeply inside your brain that it’d be hard to ever retrieve them. It was why you never shared it with Joy. What was done was done, and it was only better to focus on the present. You tried to live your present without using the past as a reason. But it was exactly what you did to avoid boys.

He smiled softly in understanding. He knew better as he had done the same before you came in his life. “Okay but remember I’m always here for you.”

- ❀ -

The night finally arrived when your squad went to a restaurant and bar. This meant that you were about to fulfill the bet that you had lost to Ten. Joy had you snack a little in advance to prevent you from unfavourable effects of drinking that night.  

“I can’t believe I’m going to see my cute innocent Y/N get drunk for the first time tonight!” Joy gushed, squealing and clapping her hands in excitement.

“Ten, good job for winning that bet. Though it’s a shame that I can’t see you dance on the table,” Johnny said.

Ten scoffed. “Please, I’m always ready to dance. You just have to dare me.”

“But hyung drunk and dancing is like on a whole nother level,” Mark commented.

A devilish smirk formed on Ten’s face. “Should I get drunk too?”

“Not tonight. The spotlight is supposed to be on Y/N. Plus we don’t want Ten to start stripping his clothes off in front of the ladies,” Yuta said.

Joy took a sharp intake of breath. “I want to see that.”

While the rest were debating whether or not Ten should get drunk along with you, you were beginning to feel anxious. Your legs shook under the table as stories of drunken people that Joy shared with you started haunting you. You hoped you wouldn’t do something that would make you regret it later.

Taeyong noticed your jittery disposition beside him and placed a hand on your thigh, calming you down a bit. You looked up to meet his concerned eyes. “Are you okay?”

You really were okay, especially being around friends who cared for you. You trusted them to keep you safe. “I am.” You genuinely flashed a smile, lessening his worry.

The drinks arrived for everyone, your friends going for cocktails while shots of liquor were prepared for you. Taeyong chose to not drink, volunteering to be the designated driver and making sure you were safe.

“Okay girl! It’s showtime!” Joy cheered and the rest of your friends shouted with encouragements.

After a deep breath in and out, you downed the first shot. You closed your eyes as you felt your throat burn immediately, all the anxiety leaving your body.

“Holy shit! Her neck is turning red,” Ten commented clearly amused.

After downing a few more shots consecutively, you stopped for a moment when your head was beginning to spin a little out of control, almost making you fall off your seat.

Taeyong noticed it and thought that you had enough drinks. He brought his hand closer to the remaining shots and began sliding it further from you until you stopped his hand and grabbed another shot, bottoms up.

“Y/N I think-”

“No!” You cut him off by shouting loudly. He was taken aback by your outburst, and you took this opportunity to down another shot. This time, you stood up from your seat and slammed your hands on the table. “I’ll do what I want!”

The others grew concerned, fearing that you’d drink more than your body could handle. Only Ten was having a blast watching your wasted self.

Joy decided to interfere. “Y/N, that’s enough drinks-”

Everyone was alarmed to see tears rolling down your face. You stumbled a bit backwards before regaining your stance. A few of your friends stood up on instincts to help you out, but you yelled at them. “Sit back down!”

They instantly sat back down and threw worried glances at one another, silently trying to figure out what would be the best course of action. “Y/N, are you okay?” Johnny asked you as gentle as possible, not wanting to stir you up even more.

“No!” you exclaimed before lowering your voice to a soft murmur. “No...”

Mark spoke up. “What’s wrong, noona?”

“My heart.” Thanks to the liquor, you weren’t going to stop yourself. “Why...”

“Why what, noona?”

“Why can’t I...” You grew silent again, focusing on the feeling of the alcohol running in your blood.

“What is it, Y/N?” Joy asked in a soft voice.

“Why can’t I trust my heart to fall in love?”

Taeyong and Joy took the biggest blow from your words. All this time, Joy thought you weren’t simply interested in relationships. She never knew there was a trust issue involved. Meanwhile, Taeyong felt his heart crack badly. He already had his own personal trauma to overcome for his love, and you having one as well was like trying to break through a double layered brick wall before a happy ending was possible.

You had enough with the enclosed environment and wanted to get some fresh air in your lungs. You kicked your chair back for more room, walking in a not so straight line. Your friends were about to get up again until you yelled, “No one follow me!”

They were all tensed, watching you carefully from their seats and not lose sight of you. When you left the restaurant, Joy stood up with plans to follow you. But Taeyong had beaten her and sprinted out the building, leaving Joy stunned.

Outside, Taeyong caught up to you and pulled your arm, halting your steps. He was shocked to see your crying face.

“Y/N.”

“Tae, I’m scared to fall in love.” You fell to the ground and sobbed your heart out in front of your friend.

His heart shattered into a million pieces. As much as he was dying to know what happened for you to say such a thing, he had to push his curiosity away and comfort you. He bent down to his knees and pulled you into his arms. You fully leaned into his embrace and sobbed. He held you tightly, patting your head gently and kissing the top of your head, hoping to calm you down.

“I’m scared. What if he turns out bad?”

“Shh... I’m here,” he shushed, stopping the bad thoughts from forming in your head.

“I want to fall in love... I want someone to love me,” you cried.

Taeyong hesitated. You were drunk, most likely to forget the events of the night. He wanted to confess. In any other situation, both his and your troubled pasts would have made him bit his tongue back.

But at that moment, he wished with all his heart that you would forget his words once sober.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

The words were clear enough for you clinging onto him for dear life, and Joy who stood at a distance behind him.

- ❀ -

You woke up in your bed with a pounding headache. Getting out of bed really slow, you shuffled your feet in the direction of the kitchen, finding Joy by the cooktop.

“Morning!” she chirped. “Have this,” she pointed at the glass filled with cool water on the counter.

“Mmm, that smells so good,” you moaned, its delicious scent hitting your nose.

Joy smiled. “Of course it would. I’m a better cook than you,” she teased.

You didn’t have the energy to retort back and instead asked her something more important.

“What happened last night?”

Joy paused. Considering the amount of alcohol you consumed, it was no shocker that you wouldn’t remember anything. She secretly wished that you’d forget the happenings of the previous night for two things.

One: because of what you said. She wasn’t mad. She could never be with you because you were too precious for her. She thought back to when she asked you why you weren’t willing to invest yourself in boys. She trusted you that you were saying the truth when you simply weren’t into relationships. People had different outlooks on life. But there was a really small chance that made Joy think you were putting up a tough act to suppress your emotions. And she was right when the alcohol had let you speak your heart that you never did when sober.

And two: Taeyong. Joy didn’t trust him when he confessed his love for you. She didn’t know whether he ‘loved’ you like the other girls or it was a love that ran much deeper. After hearing your drunken words, if you had remembered Taeyong’s words, then you were going to feel troubled.

“Shit, did I do something bad?” you asked worriedly.

“No no. You were interesting, bossing over us,” she giggled. It was quite a contrast to see her usually quiet friend being all loud and demanding when drunk.

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joy laughed at your puzzled expression.

“Okay,” you chose to believe her. “But did anything else happen?” Something was eating inside you, trying to tell you that there was more to the night than what she was implying.

She shook her head, forcing a genuine smile on her face to the best of her ability. “Nothing else happened.” She felt guilty lying to you for the first time, but it was only for your best interest.

You didn’t have another choice but to accept her words. You pushed the unpleasant feeling aside and drank the prepared glass of water.

- ❀ -

When Taeyong hung out with you next time, he didn’t notice any changed behaviour from you. He formed his speculation that you did not have a recollection of your intoxicated night. He felt relieved to have the friendship not change, but it also pained him to carry his unrequited love silently.

It was a month before the exam period and you both waited in your bedroom for the exam schedule to come out any minute on your devices. You only had two finals while Taeyong had three. When the schedule appeared, you searched for your courses and went into brief shock, stunned by the great news that you had your fingers crossed for.

“Tae! Both of mine are on the first day!” You began dancing around the room full of joy.

He laughed at your happy form and searched for his courses on the list. “Awe man, mine are all near the end.”

You paused to take in his words. “Oh. So you won’t be able to come with me.”

“Come where?”

“To South Korea.”

He felt his blood run cold. “Why South Korea?”

You smiled, lost in your thoughts on the dream that was close to becoming a reality. “I wanted to go on a trip there during this winter break if I got at least three weeks of free time. I didn’t think it was actually gonna happen but now that it is, I’m so excited,” you squealed, so over the moon that you were oblivious to Taeyong’s fallen face.

“You’ll be gone for three weeks?”

You thought for a moment. “Actually, the winter term doesn’t start till the second week of January, so I’ll go for a whole month. Wow, I didn’t think this was ever gonna happen. Isn’t this so exciting Tae?” You were jumping on the spot with all sorts of ideas rushing in your mind of what you’d plan to do there. You had already made a list of things to do but with the additional time granted, you were going to perform more research and travel to other regions in the country. Travelling to South Korea in the winter was just one of the experiences you wanted before going there for the warmer season. You wanted to witness the beautiful snow covering the outskirts of the regions, see the Christmas decorations and lighting festivals, and enjoy the warm meals and beverages to battle the cold. You knew the adrenaline rush that you were feeling for your adventure wasn’t going to let you sleep that night. Or in fact many nights until the big day.

Taeyong should have been happy for you, but he felt his heart break with only one thought on continuous loop in his mind.

A month. Without you.

- ❀ -

Joy was so happy to hear your good news, knowing how much you were looking forward to this trip. But neither her nor your friends would be able to join you because of their exam schedules. This meant that it was going to be your first ever solo adventure, which made you feel both nervous and excited for.

The closer the exam period got, the more restless Taeyong’s heart became. He was so used to seeing you almost every day that it was cruel to have you ripped out of his life for a month.

You spent every day updating your trip plans to make sure you had enough free days to relax in between your full agenda. Yes, you had your finals to study for and you made sure to get your review sessions in before you treated yourself to planning.

When the day arrived for you to complete your two finals back to back, you thought you were going to die. But your papers went a lot smoother than you predicted and that added onto your happiness for the big day in less than 48 hours.

Your flight to South Korea.

- ❀ -

Your squad came to drop you off at the airport and wished you well on your big trip.

“Wow Y/N, travelling on your own requires some serious guts. I hope you have a blast,” Johnny said.

“Yeah and keep in touch whenever you get a chance,” Ten added.

“I will,” you promised with a smile.

Mark checked his watch. “It’s almost time for your flight, noona.”

You nodded. Grabbing the handle of your luggage, you were caught off guard from Yuta attacking you with a gentle hug. “Good luck princess. If you need help with anything, I know Seoul better than these boys do.”

Ten rolled his eyes. “As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right.”

“I’m always right. Even about Mark farting.”

“HYUNG!”

You giggled, “Okay.”

After Yuta let you go, Joy jumped in to give you a crushing hug. “Have lots of fun, girl. Video call me no matter what the time is, okay?”

“Okay.”

You haven’t heard the voice of one boy yet. He was silently watching you from afar as you said your goodbye to everyone. You let go of your suitcase and walked over to Taeyong. His eyes were trained on you, slightly red and puffy. You guessed his state was due to sleep deprivation for exam preparations.

You didn’t know he cried all night, not ready to face a month without you.

You encircled your arms around his neck and brought him closer to your body, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Make sure to sleep well. I’ll call you too. Eat well too. I know you’re neglecting your health right now.” You could tell he lost some weight, feeling his boney structure. Nonetheless, he still radiated the warmth you treasured from him.

Taeyong couldn’t think about eating properly or sleeping well. He was even struggling to prepare for his finals. All he wanted was to see you, touch you, be with you.

His eyes were beginning to sting and at last raised his arms to rest around your waist, pulling you closer to his chest. He was doing his very best to stop the tears from flowing down his face. This was supposed to be a very happy moment for you and he didn’t want you worrying about him.

“As much as I’d hate to split you up, Y/N is going to miss her flight if we hold her back any longer.”

Upon hearing Joy’s voice, you pulled away from him. Just as you turned away from him, you felt his hand desperately grasp yours. You turned to look back at him. “I hope you’ll be happy,” he spoke ever so softly, his words different from the plea held in his eyes.

You slid your hand out of his grasp and turned your back to him. Grabbing the handle of your suitcase, you walked in the direction of your flight’s terminal, daring yourself to not look back with the tug you felt at your heartstrings.

- ❀ -

On the road that shines exceptionally

Standing there, I am waiting for you

It’s not cold

When you are in my arms, I can feel the warmth

 It had been four days. Four long days since you left. Your friends understood the first couple were spent on the flight and at the airports. But Taeyong hoped for you to have at least messaged him when you’d reach your accommodation or when having your first meal. His mind was on overdrive, thinking of all the scary possibilities that could have happened to you.

Joy was worried too but she understood that you were trying to adjust to the new environment without stressing out about too many things. The apartment felt lonely without you and she decided to spend most of her days and nights at the boys’ house, developing feelings along the way for the first tall man she met at the party.

 You’re my everything

I want to protect your days and nights

You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it

Spreading all over me, a gift called you

You’re my night and day

Waiting for you in this street, drawing you again

 Another two days had passed not hearing from you. With a heavy heart, Taeyong dragged his feet to the flower café that had recently become your favourite place to relax and bloom again. Your love for flowers grew every time you stepped into the café and your sparkling eyes always made his heart flutter.

Arriving at the counter, Taeyong forced himself to order a slice of cake and a drink after thinking back at your words.

Eat well too. I know you’re neglecting your health right now.

After picking up his meal, he scanned his eyes around the interior. The table with the basket of magenta lilacs was unoccupied and he made a beeline to it. He reminisced the day he brought you to the café for the first time.

They’re beautiful. Your voice echoed in his head, referring to the lilacs.

He stared long at the clustered petals, lost in his thoughts. He had always sought for tender affection from other girls, without getting too committed to them.

You were a miracle in his life. He didn’t see you like the other girls where he only received. He wanted to give you everything. His love, attention, warmth, touch, happiness. If he could give you his happiness in replacement to taking your sadness, he’d do it. He’d do anything to make you happy.

The more he stared at the magenta lilacs, the more it became clearer. He wanted to jump on his trauma and get even closer to you.

By means of a relationship.

And at that moment, he had one person to talk to.

 An unusually long day

But it’s not too bad because you’re warm

Just like that, with nothing to do

I can live just like that

 Joy finally received your video call a whole week after you left. You apologized and explained that there was a baggage delay, complicating your trip temporarily without all your belongings at hand. You were so stressed of the unexpected situation that it slipped out of your mind to keep in touch with your friends. Instead, you tried to focus on surviving those days with limited essentials in your handbag and things that you purchased from the convenience store.

Taeyong heard the news from Joy during lunch with her at a diner. He was relieved that nothing terrible happened to you apart from the baggage delay. Though it did hurt him that you couldn’t think to contact him as well.

But you going through a tough time when it was supposed to be a happy trip is more painful, he thought.

“I don’t think you wanted lunch with me just to hear about Y/N.” Joy narrowed her eyes on Taeyong.

He knew Joy didn’t trust him. When he confessed his love for you, Joy had butted in, separating your sobbing mess from him. She warned him to never utter those words unless he wanted to trouble you. Taeyong understood and had assured her that it was only because you were drunk and he wanted to comfort you by speaking the truth. Ever since then, they both wished that you’d never regained memory of that night.

He took a deep breath in, composing himself for the intention of the meeting. “I don’t want Y/N to be unhappy.”

Joy sighed. “Are you emotionally blackmailing me?”

He shook his head, feeling a thorn prick at his heart. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy getting Joy’s permission. “No I’m not.”

“What makes you think I can trust you and not have you hurt her?”

Silence.

Saying that he loved you wasn’t a satisfying reason for Joy. She needed Taeyong to prove it to her that he wasn’t going to hurt you. After a long debate in his head, he decided to tell her the truth. “I run away at the thought of commitments in the name of love. Because of my parents’ divorce.”

The news threw Joy off. Then why are you after my Y/N, she thought.

“Y/N knows everything and asked to be friends with me for real and not like with the other girls. We spent a lot of hanging out, both outside and inside the house. We’d hang out in the living room, the kitchen when I’d cook for us, in my bedroom. We spent so much time together that I didn’t know I started falling for her,” he admitted.

Taeyong was met with her silence as she collected her thoughts, making one thing stand out to her. “Did you have sex with her?”

His eyes enlarged from the unexpected inquiry. “Yes.”

Joy raised an eyebrow, questioning if his feelings really were real for you. “The confession happened after you two had sex?”

“Ye-” He realized his mistake without thinking beforehand and began panicking. “No! It’s not what you think. Please!”

She laughed bitterly at him. “You had sex with her and you claim that you’re in love because it was probably the best sex of your life. Your past is sad Taeyong. You have problems and I feel bad for you. I really do. But don’t drag Y/N into your mess.” Joy was ready to leave and be done with the conversation until she heard his next words.

“You’re wrong. It’s not because of sex.”

She chuckled darkly. “Oh really? Please enlighten me,” she said, flashing a fake smile at him and crossed her arms.

He gulped. He was close to drawing the last straw that would make Joy turn her back on him and never give him another chance. “The sex did bring us even closer together. We became more intimate with each other. But even then I was still scared to confess to her because my fear was still there.”

Joy wanted to believe Taeyong. Without forming much biased thoughts, she continued listening.

“After Y/N left for her trip, I lost all appetite to eat. I can’t sleep at night with my heart longing for her. I’m trying to focus on my final preps but I can’t stop thinking about her. I even stopped talking to other girls because I only love her. I got myself to eat only after reminding myself that Y/N wanted me to eat well. And that was especially at the café Y/N loved to go.”

It was at this moment when Joy started to believe his feelings for you.

“What if... what if I tried to get myself to cope with my trauma so that I can be in a relationship with her instead of forever living my life in fear? I know that Y/N has a trust issue that I don’t know about. But what if I can help her get over her fear too? What if my efforts to bring us together officially can make her finally... happy?”

No noise was heard from Joy. Her brain was raking through all the mentioned possibilities. If Taeyong could break through the walls of your heart, the fruitful outcome would be an epitome of love.

“Okay Taeyong. You have my support, but I won’t forgive you if you hurt her.”

 It seemed to be nevеr-ending

At the end of thе long wait

You’re the one

 One month had passed, meaning it was time for your friends to pick you up at the airport’s arrival department. Taeyong could feel his heart beating erratically when it was time for the passengers from your flight to collect their baggages and exit. When his eyes found you, he didn’t prepare his heart for an unexpected shock.

You walked out, searching for your friends with your suitcase at hand. You spotted them, waving eagerly, and walked over to them. But you weren’t alone. Beside you was a young handsome man that almost made Joy swoon if it wasn’t for her feelings for another man. More than the boy having breathtaking looks, she was shocked to see you interact with him.

“Woah... is that guy...” Mark trailed off, unbelieving his sight.

You, a girl who had never befriended a guy on your own, were talking to one in close proximity.

“Wow, he’s so hot.” Ten practically had heart eyes.

“He is,” Johnny agreed.

Yuta loved to brag about his handsome looks but he was stunned by the stranger beside you. “Yeah, and Y/N that close to him means there’s something going on between them.”

Taeyong didn’t want to agree with the others but they were right. The stranger was very handsome, and there could be something going on. That latter thought made his heart break. After what felt like a never-ending wait for you to come back, he was excited to take things slow with you and win your trust for a relationship. However, all his plans had jumped out the window and he felt his eyes sting.

Especially when you linked your arm with the fair-skinned boy.

“Welcome back girl!” Joy attacked you for a bear hug when you neared them.

You laughed hugging her back. You greeted everyone, leaving the boy you had been dying to see again for last. You faced Taeyong and hugged him like you did before your departure. “Hi Tae. I hope you’re doing well,” you whispered in his ear, rubbing his back in a soothing manner.

He closed his eyes in efforts to keep his tears at bay and returned the hug, muttering a soft hello.

You pulled back, smiling at him before grabbing the arm of your new friend for introduction. “Guys, this is Jaehyun. I met him during the trip and he’s here for the study abroad program at our university this term.”

You introduced Jaehyun to everyone one by one. When Jaehyun was officially introduced to Taeyong, he noticed Taeyong fidget with his fingers tensely and a small smirk formed on Jaehyun’s face.

“We can drop you off Jaehyun. Where are you living?” Johnny asked.

Jaehyun hadn’t found an off-campus accommodation yet, thanks to the fact that it was the middle of the middle of the school year. He didn’t want to be stuck in the dorms on campus and his initial plan was to stay at a hotel as he had the money for that.

But why hotel when he could live with you?

“I was gonna ask Joy if it’s okay for Jaehyun to stay at our place until he finds one. I’ll give my room to him and sleep with you,” you suggested to her.

“Oh yeah that’s great with me! I get to cuddle with my Y/N,” Joy giggled.

Taeyong didn’t like the idea one bit. “Why should a guy live with the girls?”

Johnny agreed with him. “You’re right. Jaehyun live with us. And I mean for the term.”

A pang at Taeyong’s heart. He was not looking forward to seeing Jaehyun’s face every day. But it’s better than him being close to Y/N, he thought.

“But hyung, we don’t have a spare room,” Mark said.

“You’re shifting to Yuta’s room. He has a bigger bed.”

“Wow great idea! Mark can be my cuddle buddy!”

Mark groaned at the thought of Yuta clinging to him all night.

- ❀ -

“You what?” Joy couldn’t believe what she was hearing from you.

“I remember that night.”

The boys dropped you and Joy off at your apartment before heading for their house. You dragged Joy to the couch and told her the news.

You weren’t mad at Joy. In fact you were thankful. If you had known before your trip, you would have felt awkward to see Taeyong and avoided him, which would have made you sad. You loved and always looked forward to spending time with him. And so after remembering the words you blurted out that night, you understood Joy jumped in to protect you from getting hurt.

You felt blessed to have a friend like Joy.

“Thank you Joy,” you smiled genuinely at her.

She was relieved that you weren’t mad at her. “When did you remember?”

“Right before I met Jaehyun. And he knows.”

“He knows?”

“I told him about Taeyong.”

During your trip, you couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong, especially after your regained memory. You were so confused as to whether you should be happy or not that you decided to not contact him altogether. Though the more you ignored him, the more the tightness in your chest grew. Jaehyun noticed your behaviour and asked you what was wrong. For some reason, you trusted Jaehyun in your secrets and told him everything about you and Taeyong.

She lifted her hand to stop you from talking further. “Okay hold up. How are you so chill around Jaehyun?”

Yes, that was a question that you had asked yourself when you had acquainted him upon first meeting. “He helped me get through my tough time there and it was just a coincidence that he was going to be coming here for the term. I guess thanks to you, I was more comfortable becoming friends with him. Plus, brownie points for being handsome,” you joked.

Joy felt her heart blossom for her close friend to finally interact with a boy without her help this time. “Wow Y/N, I never thought I’d see this day come.”

“Me neither.”

A question lingered inside her. “What now with Taeyong? Are you going to feel awkward with him?” Joy wasn’t necessarily worried for Taeyong because her priority was you.

The trip bought you time to think about what you were going to do with his confession floating around your heart. Over the course of your trip, your heart slowly accepted your feelings for him. It was all thanks to your time apart from him to realize how much you missed him and loved him. You craved for Taeyong’s warmth, both physically and emotionally, and that was enough for you to stop running away from your true feelings and give Taeyong a chance. You still remembered Taeyong’s trauma and you guessed it was the reason why he only confessed to you when drunk, so that you would forget about it and move on like nothing happened.

“No I won’t be awkward with him. I love him too Joy.”

She gaped at you. “Seriously? Like in love with him?”

You nodded. “Yes, I’m in love with him.”

Her eyes became wet with tears almost spilling out. This was the best news she had heard from you till this date. You... in love. “Y/N do you have any idea how that makes me feel? After all this time I’ve been worried about you. After that night you got drunk... and I just... it hurt that you were...”

You laughed quietly. “You’re literally the bestest friend I’ve ever had. Seriously Joy, if I had said this to someone else, they would be so happy. And then there’s you, crying,” you teased.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “Well as much as I missed you, something good happened while you were gone.”

She told you of her talk with Taeyong, telling you how much of an effect your absence had on him. Your heart bloomed when you heard that he missed you a lot and had listened to you to eat his meals, even going to your favourite café because he missed you so much.

“Then it’s final. Once I find the right time, I’m going to ask him out.”

- ❀ -

“Why can’t Ten move to your room? Your bed is bigger too!”

“Joy stays over in my room sometimes. I’m not having a threesome with Ten,” Johnny stated with a serious face.

Mark scowled, not liking the idea of Yuta clinging to him and kissing his cheeks at every opportunity he could find.

“Hurry off now. Don’t leave our new housemate waiting in the living room all day. Go clean up and shift to Yuta’s room.”

With a grumble, he stomped his way to fulfill his older brother’s command.

Well at least there was one other person in the house who didn’t like the idea of Jaehyun living there.

While waiting for Mark to empty his room out, the rest of the boys sat on the couches to get to know their new housemate with Taeyong sitting the furthest away.

“So Jaehyun, do you get girls falling for your looks?” Ten excitedly asked, finally getting the chance to ask him that.

Why was that the first thing he got asked out of everything? But it really was a big question. “Yes, and not just girls but guys too. Too many to count.” Back in high school, he’d receive gifts on his desk in the form of food from his secret admirers, usually his favourite bread and milk. He would also have the exterior of his locker be taped with numerous heart shaped notes.

“Wow...” Yuta breathed out. “It kind of sounds like Taeyong but with his girl friends.”

Taeyong didn’t want the wrong impression from the boys and so he revealed the news. “I cut ties with them.”

The air stilled in the living room, with Johnny being the first one to cut it. “What do you mean cut ties?”

“I don’t talk to them anymore.”

“All of them?”

“Yes.”

Ever since he realized his feelings for you, he deleted all the numbers of the girls in his contacts. He lost interest with all of them when he only craved for your tender affection. For your love. He didn’t know what was up between you and Jaehyun, and while that made him jealous, he wasn’t going to go back to his old ‘friends’ because of that.

“Woah... but why?” Yuta asked.

Taeyong eyed Jaehyun, shooting him a glare. He wasn’t going to say your name out loud in front of him. What if Jaehyun’s plan wasn’t only to study there? What if he had something up his sleeve? What if he was going to win your heart?

Jaehyun noticed Taeyong’s hard gaze on him and smirked.

To answer his friend’s question, Taeyong merely said, “Because of someone.”

- ❀ -

The winter term began and much to your delight, you had a class with Jaehyun. You both would have an hour to spare before that class and so you became his personal tour guide as you showed him around your campus, pointing at the different buildings and mentioning the services he could find there. Along the way, you noticed a few students stop in their tracks to look in Jaehyun’s way, their jaws dropping.

When the two of you walked into your almost full class, numerous eyes widened in shock, more jaws dropped, and hushed whispers were heard when laying their eyes on the boy beside you. Some of them had looks of jealously on their faces for you having the privilege to stand beside such a divine being. If your eyes weren’t playing a trick on you, you thought you saw a girl’s head spin almost as if she was going to faint from the unbelievable beauty of the young man. Talk about having a face of a first love.

When you first met Jaehyun, yes you did think he was very handsome. But that was all. No big reactions like your classmates in front of you had.

Why didn’t you crumble like the others?

Because of Taeyong.

Taeyong on the other hand grew restless with the amount of time you spent with Jaehyun. The influx of messages on his phone from unsaved numbers were mostly talks of the newest heartthrob on campus. He knew they were from the girls he had stopped talking to, and he couldn’t care less of the ones texting him that they missed him.

His main concern was if you were going to fall in love with Jaehyun.

The night of the term’s first grand party arrived and your whole squad, now including Jaehyun, attended. A permanent scowl was fixed on Taeyong the entire time as he witnessed Jaehyun being super close to you. A few of his old friends came up to him, asking how he was doing and if he wanted anything, but he simply ignored them. Taeyong glanced at the rest of the crowd around Jaehyun and he had to admit that the messages on his phone were true. Having enough of the stabbing pain in his chest, he downed the alcohol in his hand.

The next night of the weekend meant another party. The boys were getting themselves ready to leave the house once you’d arrive. Joy had to go back to her hometown for a personal matter and you insisted to meet them at their house instead of them coming to pick you up.

Because you had a different plan for that night.

“Noona! Are you ready for tonight?” Mark greeted you when you arrived at the house. Taeyong was sitting on the couch, silently watching you.

“Umm, well I’m not going to the party.”

“What? Why wouldn’t you come princess?” Yuta asked.

Jaehyun answered on your behalf. “She’s going to show me around uptown. I want to see other things than just parties.”

Johnny nodded. “Yes there are other things to see here. Should we come along with you guys?”

Taeyong’s heart inflated, hoping you’d say yes.

“No, we’ll be fine.”

His heart deflated.

Yuta whistled. “Wow sounds like a date to me,” he smirked.

His heart stung.

You laughed. “No, we’re just hanging out,” you clarified.

Hearing that somewhat eased Taeyong’s heart but it wasn’t enough to calm it down. “I’m coming,” he announced.

Everyone turned their heads at Taeyong. His friends were surprised. Jaehyun wasn’t afraid to let a smirk spill onto his face, and you were trying your hardest to hold back your amused smile.

This was what you were hoping.

You knew you hung out with Jaehyun a lot and if Taeyong really was in love with you, he would have been extremely jealous. You weren’t intentionally avoiding Taeyong. With your new friend who was new around here, you wanted to help Jaehyun out as much as you could to make his temporary stay as smooth as possible and that resulted in you not spending time with Taeyong. The Taeyong you craved to have quality time with.

And you were going to make it up to him soon.

The three of you walked over to Taeyong’s car, with Taeyong running off to open the passenger door for you. He wanted you to sit beside him while he drove. You giggled at his puppy look, his desperate attempt to win your heart a little. He didn’t know he had your entire heart.

Right before you got inside the car, you gave Taeyong a quick peck on the cheek, causing a blush to spread over his cheeks under the moonlight. It had been a while since you two shared some intimate moments. And though it was merely a peck, fire had ignited throughout Taeyong’s soul.

Jaehyun silently witnessed the short intimacy between you and Taeyong and hopped into the back seat with dimples on his face.

The streetlights and shops in uptown were decked with winter decorations. It was a shame you missed the Christmas decorations as you loved seeing the streets be ornamented for the holy season. But then Christmas in South Korea was a thrilling experience and you were glad to have experienced it with Jaehyun as your guide.

The three of you walked along the illuminated road. Many of the shops were lit up from the inside indicating that they were open for business. The flower café sat a few shops down from where you three stood.

“Should we go to the flower café first?” you suggested. The chilly winter night had your body craving for a hot caramel drink.

Taeyong was in a bind. He didn’t want to say no to your suggestion, knowing how much you loved to go there. But he didn’t want Jaehyun to learn about it. It was supposed to be your and his sanctuary.

“That sounds cool,” Jaehyun said.

“It is! I love that place so much! Let’s go Tae!” you clung onto Taeyong’s arm to get a vocal approval from him.

Taeyong’s heart somersaulted at your touch and pleading eyes. He accepted his defeat and nodded, letting you drag him to the establishment.

“Okay guys, this is my treat,” you said taking your card out.

Taeyong stopped your hand. “No I’ll pay.”

“No Tae, I suggested this place.”

“I’m not letting you pay on my watch.”

In the midst of you and Taeyong arguing who should pay, Jaehyun slid a $20 bill to the cashier, giving them a look that he was paying for the collective order. “I’m paying guys,” he leaned against the counter smiling.

You pouted. “Jae why? You’re new here. I should be treating you,” you whined.

Taeyong’s heart was going to break a record at this rate with the number of times his heart shattered ever since you came back, which hadn’t even been two full weeks. It was the first time he heard you call Jaehyun in short form. The only other person you did that to was him. Not even with Johnny did you do that and his real name was John.

When you began your search for an empty table, you were a little disappointed to see the table with lilacs taken. In turn, an empty table with a small clear vase holding creamy white gardenias was spotted.

“Wow those flowers are pretty. Let’s sit there,” you said and pulled Taeyong along with you. Even though he was a little, scratch that, very insecure that you hung out with Jaehyun a lot and called him in short form, his heart soared at your unexpected touches that night. After being so deprived of you, every single attention he received from you was enough to set his heart alight.

Jaehyun watched from afar, your complete attention on the boy you loved while Taeyong’s cheeks were kissed with a rosy hue. With a smile, he took a sip of his banana milk and followed you.

- ❀ -

“Bad news!” Joy yelled with a crying face.

She furiously knocked on the door panting. Johnny frantically opened and ushered her inside, trying to calm her down as she continued crying. “What is it?” Johnny asked softly.

The rest of the boys gathered shortly, not getting too close so that she could get some air.

“Y/N’s missing.”

Taeyong’s eyes went wide as his heart dropped to the floor. Ever since the hangout with Jaehyun, you went back to normal of not talking to him. “What do you mean missing?” Taeyong asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her all day today and she hasn’t been answering my calls or texts.”

It was almost midnight and for you to not have replied back to Joy for a whole day meant something really was wrong.

“Calm down Joy. Have you checked some places Y/N would go to often?” Yuta questioned.

She nodded. “Yeah I did. She’s nowhere.” And Joy began choking on her sobs.

Taeyong didn’t waste another second and ran up to his room, grabbing his keys and jacket. Running back down, he said, “I’m going to go look for her.”

“I’m coming with you hyung,” Mark said.

Joy gave Jaehyun a look, making Jaehyun speak up. “Mark you have a test tomorrow don’t you? You should stay back.”

“What no! I wanna search for noona too!”

“Yeah I agree with Jaehyun. I’ll stay back with Mark so he can sleep while I wait to see if Y/N comes here,” Yuta suggested.

“Yeah I’ll go with Taeyong. And Johnny and Ten can go in another car and cover another area,” Jaehyun suggested.

“Okay sounds like a plan with me,” Ten agreed.

Johnny nodded. “Joy you should stay here and calm down.”

“You think I can calm down by sitting around? I’m coming with you!” she yelled.

Taeyong didn’t like the idea of Jaehyun coming with him. He’d rather search for you alone. But finding you was more important than who his search buddy was.

It was pin drop silent in Taeyong’s car. Jaehyun knew Taeyong wasn’t a big fan of him and found it quite amusing. He was not a single ounce of threat between you and Taeyong.

Taeyong decided to keep his mouth shut, not interested to have small talk with the boy beside him as he drove down the street to where your favourite café sat. He hoped so bad that you’d be there. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Jaehyun typing something on his phone.

Pulling up to the dimmed lighting of the café, Taeyong was dejected to see the closed sign on the window. You wouldn’t be inside a closed building.

However, Jaehyun unbuckled his seat belt and opened his door.

“Where are you going?” Taeyong asked him puzzled. There were barely any shops along the street that were open considering it was past midnight of a weekday.

“I texted the others to pick me up from here. You’ll find Y/N at the conservation park.” With that Jaehyun left the car and shut the door behind him.

Taeyong was overwhelmed with shock and relief that you weren’t exactly missing. But he was so confused with what all the commotion was about earlier. He pulled down the window. “What’s going on? Why would she do that?” Why would you be in the midst of wildlife, with trails pathed through the forests at night?

Jaehyun held his hands up. “I can’t say anything more. This is Y/N’s order. Now hurry. You don’t want her waiting for you, do you?”

Taeyong didn’t need to be told twice and he pressed on the accelerator of his car, his heart racing along.

When he got closer to the entrance of the conservation area, he was in a dilemma. It was dark with no artificial lights and if it weren’t for the bright moonlight, he wouldn’t know where to drive.

Why would you be here all alone? Who knew what could happen at night here? Wild animal attack? Serial killer on a hunt? He grew super nervous if he was going to find you in time before something bad would happen to you. He stopped the car and thought about calling you.

Only to realize that he didn’t bring his phone.

Fuck.

He cursed himself that he didn’t ask Jaehyun for pointers and he was going to try his very best to find you.

Staying inside his vehicle wasn’t helping with the limited view. He stepped out and tried to focus his eyes onto something that could aid him to get closer to you.

Glow in the dark stickers were stuck on a map in the parking lot. Taeyong thought it was bizarre for the map to have such stickers and his heart leaped, hoping it was your doing.

He parked his car and observed the map, scrutinizing to make out the colours and paths on the board. He found a sticker with TY initials on it, the spot not too far from where he stood. Taeyong knew it was you.

Sprinting towards the marked spot, he noticed a bit of light spilling from the trees that were blocking his view from you. When he walked through them, he abruptly came to a stop and lost his breath.

In front of him stood you, happily smiling that Taeyong had found you on his own. Your hands were clasping something behind your back but he didn’t pay any mind to that at that moment. Instead his eyes were glued to the setting behind you.

Red, pink and white heart shaped balloons were tied to the trees along with some outdoor hanging string lights to illuminate the small area. Letter balloons were tied to the weights and spelled out ‘I LOVE YOU’ as they floated in the air behind a white clothed table. Baskets of different types of flowers sat on the table. He recognized that all of the flowers were those that you and Taeyong had sat by at the flower café. Roses, gardenias, tulips, hyacinths, lilies, and lastly lilacs. Surrounded by the baskets, in the middle of the table sat a medium-sized white teddy bear holding a red heart.

Taeyong’s eyes lingered on the flower varieties and the words ‘I LOVE YOU’ for a while before shifting his gaze back on you.

“Y/N...” His voice failed him from the shock.

You brought your hands in front of you, a red velvety box sitting on the palms of your hands. “Are you just going to stand there?” you teased.

He shook himself, knocking some sense to his feet and walked closer to you. “What’s- Why- all this...” Taeyong’s throat was closing on him. He couldn’t believe all that he was seeing.

You giggled. “What else do you think silly?” You attempted to lighten up the situation when he looked like he was going to bawl his eyes out. You stopped laughing at his lack of response and turned serious.

“I’m in love with you Tae.” You opened up the velvet box displaying the couple rings you purchased. “I got this for us.”

Emotions poured out of his system and he gently grabbed onto your arm, pulling you into his tight embrace. His chin rested on the top of your head and you felt his chest rumble as your ear was pressed to his pounding heart. It felt like the world stopped spinning, you in his arms, his tears speeding down his face and falling on your hair that you didn’t mind the slightest bit. What mattered was the warmth that Taeyong emitted.

If you could spend an eternity in Taeyong’s arms, you would.

- ❀ -

You and Taeyong were on your way back to his house after packing everything in his car. He hadn’t let go of your hand ever since he pulled away from the hug, even when driving with his one hand. You joked that he had to at least let you go for you to sit in the passenger seat unless he wanted you to sit on his lap. And while he loved that idea, your safety came first.

“I can’t believe you remembered Y/N.” He was relieved to hear that you remembered his first confession now that the feeling was mutual. “And how did you even wait for me all alone? Weren’t you scared?”

“I wasn’t scared. But my heart was going crazy for you to find me. Joy was with me first and when we were done setting everything up, she almost like teleported to your place.”

“Wow... so that was all Joy acting. She’s such a great actress.”

You laughed. “Yup.”

A small frown appeared on his face. “Jaehyun knew too.”

“Yeah why?”

He grew silent, opting to not voice his concern and instead gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

“You’re jealous of Jaehyun, aren’t you?” you narrowed your eyes on him while his eyes were glued on the road.

Taeyong contemplated before nodding slightly.

You brought your other hand to lay on top of his. “You have nothing to be jealous about. We literally have like a sibling bond. He helped me get through so much in South Korea. I only wanted to do the same while he’s here for the study abroad program.”

His heart stilled. “Did you just say sibling?”

“Yes Tae. He’s like a brother figure to me.”

“But wouldn’t he...”

“What? Like me in that way? Of course not. He may have a pretty face of a heart stealer but he’s super loyal when it comes to friendships. He would never do anything bad to ruin relationships. In fact, he loves playing cupid because his birthday falls on Valentine’s day. That’s why he was a part of my plan tonight. He wanted us to be official so bad after hearing me talk so much about you.”

Taeyong felt a million weights lifted off his soul. Now that he heard about Jaehyun’s true personality, he felt bad for thinking Jaehyun was the devil. He was grateful that Jaehyun wasn’t the bad guy who was going to steal you away from him.

“You talked about me?” he asked flustered that you would mention him in your conversations with Jaehyun.

“Of course I would. I love you so much, like seriously crazy, Tae,” you said with a wide grin.

His heart was ready to rocket into space. He lifted your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on your palm. “I really love you too, Y/N.”

- ❀ -

You and Taeyong walked into the house, hands interlocked and being welcomed by all your friends for your safe return.

“You had us worried Y/N!” Yuta began. “What happened?”

“Yeah Joy and Jaehyun said it’s a surprise. What’s the surprise?” Ten asked with his face scrunched up.

You gave Taeyong a glance and held the intertwined hands up, showing the crew the couple rings. “We’re dating.”

Joy and Jaehyun had seen it coming and a huge smile was plastered on their faces. Meanwhile shocked expressions were registered on Johnny’s, Ten’s and Yuta’s faces. Johnny was the most surprised, followed by Yuta gaping. Ten was very amused that his friend stopped talking to other girls because of you. “Wow hyung, congrats! And you too Y/N!” The rest of your friends sent their warm regards to you and Taeyong.

“Wait till Mark hears this tomorrow morning,” Yuta said. “He’ll be thinking about it all day.”

“Watch him accidentally write it on his test,” Johnny laughed.

- ❀ -

If you were over the moon when you first thought about your trip to South Korea, you couldn’t even put into words of how you felt with Taeyong. You looked forward to seeing him, getting all giddy by his texts. He’d come to wait outside your classes, giving you a peck on the cheek as you ran into his arms. He’d give you back hugs when you would be trying to search for a book on the shelf in the library, resting his chin on your shoulder and kissing your neck. You pretty much lived at the boys’ house now more than you did before, specifically his bedroom, because you couldn’t separate yourself from him. Why should you even? Taeyong was your boyfriend. And he wanted the same thing. So what if his bed was twin sized? It was the perfect size for lovebirds like you two. He loved holding you in his arms and placing petal-like kisses on the top of your head during cuddle sessions. Every touch of his love sent your entire body blazing and you wished it’d never come to an end.

You hung out less with Jaehyun and you felt bad about it. In turn, your other friends hung out with him, especially Johnny taking him out for coffee runs. Joy did feel a bit jealous with Johnny’s new mate and could relate to how Taeyong felt with you and Jaehyun.

The month of midterms was coming up. You were looking forward to a particular boy’s special day that was going to give everyone a relief from the stress of assignments and examinations. Johnny, Joy and Ten took up the mission to organize a grand party for Jaehyun, with Johnny vowing to plan the best birthday and Valentine’s party for a student on an abroad program.

Your squad, minus Jaehyun who was meeting with an academic advisor, headed inside the library and searched for empty seats for the seven of you.

“Over there guys!” Mark spoke a bit too loudly for the librarian’s liking, earning a shush.

Ten snickered. “Mark seriously? Weren’t you supposed to be the goody two shoes?”

“Give him a break Ten. He got a little too excited seeing a huge empty table for the first time,” Yuta commented.

The poor young boy only groaned in response, wishing he could murder his hyungs in their sleep.

Johnny led the way, placing his bag on the opposite side of where you and Taeyong sat down shortly. Joy and Ten joined him as the trio were going to study for the second part of the math course. Mark had beaten Yuta to take the empty seat beside you, with the older one taking a seat at the end of the table.

“Okay guys. Do you have any idea how this integral shit works?” Johnny asked.

“Oh hyung I know!” Mark beamed at the topic mentioned. “Can I help?”

“No. Like our prof said. We should figure it out ourselves ‘cause no one’s gonna help us during the exams,” Ten recited.

“Yeah okay so what’s the first step to solve this shitshow?” Johnny pointed at the complicated question that their professor provided in class.

“Guys my head hurts,” Joy complained.

“It’s okay Joy. We got this. I’m going to find an integral calculator on Google.” Johnny pulled up his laptop and began clicking away.

“Okay hyung. I’ll see if this lazy man just stole it from the textbook. If he did, we’ll easily find the solutions online.”

“I don’t get why you can’t just ask me for help if you’re just gonna look up the answers,” Mark grumbled but the trio only ignored him.

Yuta heard Mark. “Awe does my baby tiger want to help?”

Mark stayed silent, afraid of where Yuta was going with this.

“Under the table-”

“HYUNG!”

The librarian grew furious and sent a glare at Mark, holding up a yellow card that had Yuta laughing hard. Mark took this chance to shove the older one off his seat, causing Yuta to fall flat on his butt.

Taeyong was searching for a book in his bag, his shoulders sinking at the thought that he forgot it in his bedroom. “Love, I’ll be back. I’m going to look for the book I need to write this paper on.”

You sent him a smile. “Okay.”

He smiled at you and got up from his seat, beginning his quest for the novel.

Taeyong hadn’t walked too far until he bumped into a girl, realizing who it was after a few seconds.

“Oh sorry Bella.”

She smiled. “That’s alright. I haven’t heard from you in a while.” Bella was a friend who gave him the love he needed months ago before he started loving you.

“Yeah.” He didn’t know what else to say to her, not interested in small talks.

“I missed you,” she spoke ever so softly.

He didn’t miss her because he had made it clear to everyone what his intentions were ahead of time.

“I need to talk to you,” Bella said and grabbed his hand, not giving Taeyong a chance to refuse and pulled him through the tall bookshelves, going deeper and deeper until it was impossible to find them within seconds.

You had seen the encounter from your seat. Taeyong talking to an unknown girl didn’t bother you. But the second that girl pulled Taeyong out of your sight, something didn’t quite sit well in your stomach. You wanted to go after them and see what it was about. Everyone at your table was occupied, the trio still scratching their heads at the math problem, and Yuta messing around with Mark.

You stood up and headed in the direction of where the duo disappeared, stunned that you didn’t see them immediately behind the bookshelves.

Where did you go Taeyong?

You walked around, turning your head in all directions at every opening until you bumped into a tall boy.

Lucas.

You recognized the boy in one of your classes. He was always loud, disturbing nearby classmates who were trying to focus on the lecture content. Quite a flirt towards girls as well, excluding you thankfully. You always ignored him and he did the same in a respectful manner, even when the two of you ended up sitting beside one another.

You muttered an apology and tried to walk around him, but he blocked your way.

That was a first. He had never bothered you before. You let out a deep breath, pushing the task of finding Taeyong aside for the moment. “What is it?”

- ❀ -

“You should believe me Taeyong. I only want the best for you.”

Taeyong couldn’t believe her. “No Bella, Y/N would never do that to me. And it’s better if you leave my sight now before I raise my voice at you.”

She shook her head not backing down. “I won’t. What makes you think Y/N will stay loyal to you? She’s never looked another guy before you.”

“Exactly my point. Y/N wouldn’t ever betray me.”

“No Tae. Now that she gave you a chance, she’ll be more comfortable looking at other guys. Maybe even behind your back. Don’t you think that can happen?”

Her words stirred something inside him, thinking about Jaehyun. Yes, he knew Jaehyun wasn’t a threat but the thought of how you made friends with him abroad without telling anyone had him momentarily think that you could possibly-

Taeyong shook his head, trying to shake Bella’s words out of his mind. “You’re just trying to make me doubt her, aren’t you? I’m not gonna-” he stopped suddenly biting his tongue. It was better to just leave instead of fighting with a wall. He turned his back on her to leave before she could brainwash him more.

But Bella wasn’t done with him just yet. She grabbed his shoulder forcefully turning him around and placed her lips on top of his in a blink. When Taeyong realized what Bella was doing, he pushed her away, not even in the gentlest manner and looked at her incredulously. “What the fuck Bella?!” He turned not glancing back at her and failed to notice the sinister smile on her face.

It didn’t feel like a good day for him to write his paper. He just wanted to take you home and cuddle with you all day.

He walked through the endless bookcases, attempting to figure out where on earth he was. Bella had caught him off guard when she dragged him away that he couldn’t think about anything else other than what the girl wanted to discuss with him. When Taeyong passed by one of the passageways without much thought, he froze in his steps, his heart getting caught in his throat. Backing up slowly, he looked at a guy. Super close to you. He couldn’t see your face clearly as your hair blocked your side profile.

Your back was pressed flat against the bookshelf as Lucas caged you in his arms. You threatened him to leave you alone but he only laughed at your face. You were afraid of him because he was really tall, and his smirk made him look a lot more intimidating. If you tried to get physical on him, you were terrified what he’d do in return. You frantically looked around to see if anyone was nearby to cry for help. Your heart leaped to see Taeyong but then it did a free fall when your eyes lingered on his face.

A bright red lipstick stain on his lips.

You never wore lipstick and you knew it had something to do with that girl from earlier.

Taeyong stormed his way towards you two, briefly glancing at Lucas in disgust, and when his eyes landed on you, you felt all the colour drain from your face.

“What are you doing with him?” Taeyong asked and at that moment you didn’t know if you were more afraid of Lucas...

Or Taeyong’s furious eyes.

You were speechless. First, he went off to kiss a girl behind your back. And second, instead of saving you, he turned the entire situation on you. You never thought Taeyong would ever doubt you for cheating behind his back, and you never thought he would cheat on you.

Lucas took this chance to kiss your cheek. You were startled by his bold move and pushed him off with all the anger you had for both him and your boyfriend. “What the fuck Lucas?! And you,” turning to Taeyong, “Why the fuck is there lipstick on your lips?”

Taeyong laughed bitterly with his breaking heart, not caring about the lipstick stain and was amused by you dodging his question. “I asked first. You literally avoided answering me when you-”

“Because you’re turning this all on me after you smooched off that girl!” You face was red, beyond furious at the accusation. “Don’t you dare talk to me!” you yelled, not caring that you were in a library. Without giving Taeyong a chance to retort back, you turned on your heel and hurriedly jogged back to the table with hot tears descending down your face.

You wiped the tears off with the back of your hands angrily and began throwing your stuff in your bag carelessly. Your three friends looked at you in alarm to see your crying face. You didn’t care where your other two friends were. All you wanted to do was get away from everyone, especially him.

“Y/N? What-”

Before Joy could ask, you ran out the library.

Joy quickly packed her belongings. “I’m gonna go,” she informed and rushed after you.

Johnny and Ten looked at one another in worry and later saw Taeyong walk back to the table with a scowl. He had already wiped the lipstick off his face.

“What happened Taeyong?” Johnny asked.

“Nothing,” he tried to brush it off, not in the mood to talk about it.

“It was definitely something!” Johnny’s voice boomed with such resonance that it made the librarian draw the last straw and kicked the boys out.

That wasn’t even a problem when they had a bigger problem at hand.

On the way down the steps of the library, Yuta and Mark had caught up to them, asking what happened that made everyone leave the library suddenly. Taeyong hadn’t said a word yet, the scowl permanent on his face.

Johnny wasn’t content with the silence. “I’m not letting you into the house if you don’t speak up, young man.”

Right at that time, Lucas exited the library, passing by the boys casually. Taeyong noticed him and saw Lucas shoot him an evil smirk, shaking his head in disappointment and left.

Dropping his scowl, Taeyong lifted his arm to stare long at the smudged lipstick on the back of the hand.

His heart stung badly, the feeling of regret slowly creeping into his heart.

- ❀ -

You had gotten back to your apartment with Joy hot on your trails. You threw your bag angrily on the couch and walked to your bedroom, slamming the door shut on Joy. You wanted to be alone when crying. Crying for the boy that you thought wouldn’t hurt you. Crying because he betrayed you. Crying because Taeyong witnessed another man harass you in front of his eyes and didn’t do anything about it.

Your legs gave up, sliding down onto the floor as you cried.

“Y/N?” Joy didn’t want to barge into your room. Curiosity was eating her up to learn what happened, but she knew you well enough that you needed your space.

When she didn’t hear a response from you and only your cries, she decided to message him.

- ❀ -

“There’s no way Y/N would cheat on you! Do you even hear yourself?”

“But it’s true. I saw it, Johnny.”

“Nonsense! I don’t believe it. Seriously use your brain Taeyong!”

None of his friends believed him. They’d known you for almost half a year now. They had a feeling that you wouldn’t do anything to break the trust of your friends, especially your boyfriend. Jaehyun was something they all assumed at first before Jaehyun cleared it up.

“Isn’t it a coincidence that at the same time Bella talked to you, that guy was with Y/N too?” Ten voiced out. “What if it was a setup?”

Now that Taeyong had thought through the entire situation at the library, he was getting more afraid that he had gotten into Bella’s words and wrongly mistrusted you. Even worse, he felt like killing himself for not saving you and beating Lucas up for what he did to you.

You needed help and Taeyong, literally a few steps away, overlooked that and turned the table on you.

He gripped his hair in anger and hung his head low in disappointment.

Johnny’s phone began ringing and excused himself out the living room. “Hey Joy,” he greeted not sounding as cheerful as he usually would.

“What happened? Y/N is bawling her eyes out and I have no idea how to calm her down.”

He explained the case to her and at the end of it, Joy was gripping her phone so tightly that she was close to throwing it at the wall. “I’m going to kill Taeyong!” she screamed, her face going all red. “Where is he?”

“As much as we want to knock sense in him, we need to think of a way to clear the misunderstanding.”

Joy sat down on the couch, counting numbers in her head to calm herself down. “Okay, but I’m never forgiving him for this.”

The doorbell rang and Joy got up to answer it. She swung the door open revealing a worried Jaehyun.

- ❀ -

“Who the hell was that guy? We need to talk to him.” Mark said.

“More like we need to beat him to pulp for doing that to Y/N!” Yuta corrected. “The exact thing someone should have done at that time,” he said throwing shade at Taeyong.

Taeyong wanted to dig his own grave the more the boys talked about it.

The front door slammed open, the person not bothering to close it. Jaehyun looked around for the boy at fault, making eye contact with him and stormed over. Standing right in front of the sitting boy, he demanded for Taeyong to stand up. Taeyong did without hesitation and was ready to accept a blow as he deserved it. The rest of the boys gathered around closely, ready to hold back Jaehyun if a fight broke out.

“Listen to me carefully Taeyong. As much as I want to punch you in the face, I’m not a man of violence. And Y/N would never want that either.”

Upon hearing your name, Taeyong’s heart broke even more.

“Y/N gave you a chance. She could have easily moved on with her life without you. Heck she could have lived her life without confessing to you. There was literally no need for a relationship seeing how you two have problems! The reason why she gave you a chance is because she loves you.”

A tear slipped down Taeyong’s face. Everything that came out of Jaehyun’s mouth was true and hit him right in the center of his heart. You and him couldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you two gathering the courage to get over the personal issues. What you had with him was fragile and a slight sever in the relationship would mean an end to the trust.

“What do I do now?” Taeyong whispered more to himself.

Jaehyun heard him. “You’re going to beg for her forgiveness. And you’re not giving up.”

- ❀ -

The night fell, and you laid your head on your beloved friend’s lap. Your eyes were closed due to the fatigue that added up when you cried, and Joy gently stroked your hair in efforts to soothe your aching heart.

Your phone was on silent, not in the mood to communicate with anyone. It sat beside Joy so she could check to see if you’d get any urgent notifications.

You hadn’t spoken a word when you left your room. Joy was immensely relieved for you to have finally come out of your room that she didn’t mind your silence. Baby steps, she thought. You’d talk in due time when you were ready.

The phone lit up beside her, her eyes landing on it right in time. She didn’t want to ask you in fear that you’d start crying again and so on your behalf, Joy declined Taeyong’s incoming call.

Taeyong knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you to forgive him. But like Jaehyun said, he wasn’t going to give up.

- ❀ -

The next few days, you had been avoiding Taeyong. He would call and message so often that you had enough of the painful sensations in your heart every time you saw a notification from him and blocked him altogether.

When his attempts to get through you with his phone failed, he decided to make a trip to your apartment. You had seen it coming and told Joy to handle him while you hid in your room.

Joy wasn’t going to risk opening the door in case Taeyong invited himself in without permission. When she heard a series of doorbell ringing, she unlocked her phone to call him.

“Taeyong leave.”

“No! Please let me see her,” he pleaded. She could hear the hoarseness in his voice.

“Y/N doesn’t want to. And I’m not opening the door so instead of wasting your time and giving her stress because she’s clearly trying to avoid you, leave.” There was not a single ounce of warmth in Joy’s tone. She had given Taeyong a chance to not let her down, and he did the exact thing she feared.

Taeyong heaved a sigh of defeat, giving up until he thought of a better way to get closer to you.

Joy breathed out in relief, thankful that he left without making much of a commotion. She cautiously walked over to your closed room and put her ear against the door. Instead of your cries, she was met with your silence. Opening your door, she found you sitting on your bed, your arms hugging your legs and your chin rested on top. Your eyes void of any emotions as you tried to numb the agony in your heart.

Joy carefully sat down beside you as if you were a bubble that would burst any second. “Can I ask you something?”

You inhaled deeply and nodded.

“Are you going to break up with him?”

Break up... with Taeyong.

The thought of ending your relationship with Taeyong sent a million pins and needles at your heart. Regardless of everything that happened, that was one thing you wished never happened. He made you happy, feel so alive with a love that you had never experienced in your life.

But flashbacks to the what happened in the library killed you.

“No,” you croaked out. “But he-”

“I know everything Y/N. Johnny told me. I’m not trying to take his side after what he did to you. But nothing like what you think actually happened between him and that girl.”

A pinch of pain lifted from your heart, hoping your boyfriend was as innocent as your friend claimed. “What? But he had-”

“That girl apparently jumped on him. The others think this was a set up to break you and Taeyong up.”

- ❀ -

The next time you had a class with Jaehyun, he didn’t dare to speak about Taeyong to you and opted to talk about other things. You were starting to feel better with the impression that Lucas personally didn’t want to inflict any harm on you. And you had confirmed this the next time you saw him on campus with Jaehyun thankfully beside you.

You took cover behind Jaehyun when Lucas approached holding his hands up to show that he meant no harm.

“Look I’m really sorry. I only did as I was told and I didn’t actually mean to scare you like that,” he said to your eyes as you peeked over Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“Why did you do it?” Jaehyun asked coldly.

“She was giving me money for it. It was a dick move but don’t we need money as broke students? And I was going to tell you the truth after I got the money. Seriously.”

Jaehyun looked over his shoulder at you, wordlessly asking you for the next move. Your heart rate slowed down when you decided to believe in Lucas. “But why would that girl do that?” you asked.

Lucas shook his head, not knowing the exact reason. “I think she’s jealous. As a lot of girls would be. Taeyong is really popular. For them to hear that he’s in a relationship would… you know?”

You nodded slowly and came out from behind Jaehyun, feeling a lot braver.

“Once again Y/N, I’m really sorry for scaring you.” When you stayed silent, he took your silence as a sign to leave.

Jaehyun let out a sigh and turned to you, observing your silence.

You were still hurt by Taeyong’s lack of trust in you, led astray by someone else’s words. The girls were going to be an issue. You figured that they weren’t going to stop, which meant that if you and Taeyong wanted to keep the relationship alive, an unbreakable trust had to be formed.

But you didn’t know if you could trust Taeyong just yet. He did it once. He could do it again. Taeyong was going to have to win your heart if he was serious about you.

For that, only time could tell.

- ❀ -

Jaehyun informed Taeyong of your encounter with Lucas. When Taeyong learned that it was all Bella’s plan, his blood boiled in anger. Not at Bella. Not at Lucas.

At himself.

He was almost about to give up on you as you deserved someone so much better than what he was. Pathetic. But Jaehyun knocked some sense in him to not give into his frustration and instead think of a way for you to forgive him.

Taeyong got into contact with Joy, asking her when you would be at your place and assured her that he wasn’t going to see you.

The first time he came by, Joy trusted Taeyong to not barge in and opened the door. He quietly stood there, unmoving, holding some things.

Your ear was pressed against the bedroom door in attempt to eavesdrop their conversation. You couldn’t make out the inaudible mumbles until-

“Y/N come out!”

Your heart rate picked up. Was Joy calling you out while Taeyong was there? You opened the door enough for one eye to check on the situation, but it didn’t give you much of a view.

Seeing that you were taking awhile, she added, “He’s not here. Don’t worry.”

You opened the door fully and walked out, heading to the direction of the voice. In the kitchen, you saw Joy lay a bouquet of lilacs on the counter along with a tray holding two drinks and a small bag of baked goods fitted in one of the empty cup spots.

“What’s this?” you asked surprised.

“He gave you, well us these treats so we can have energy to study. And these flowers... he didn’t say anything.”

The dull pain inside you converted into a blossoming feeling. Your heart warmed at the thought that Taeyong was taking care of you when you weren’t talking to him and refused to see him.

Joy noticed a white note tucked in between the stems of the bunch. “Oh there’s something here. I think you should read it.” She handed you the note.

Slowly you unfolded it and read his handwriting.

- I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you. I’m not worthy for you to forgive me. But please take care of yourself. Don’t fall sick. Don’t stress too much. Eat well, sleep well too. I love you.

- ❀ -

Everyday Taeyong came to drop off some food and beverages, whether it’d be from a coffee shop, your favourite takeout or even his homemade foods that you loved so much. Joy would see the forced smile and the gloomy look in his eyes during the delivery. He wouldn’t say anything to Joy and before she could ask about himself, Taeyong would already be walking away.

One day, Joy had to meet Johnny and Ten for a review session. You were home alone and Taeyong wanted to give you food.

But how was he going to do it without you seeing him?

You got a message from Joy.

Joy: Taeyong is going to doorbell and drop some food by the door. He’ll leave right away so you won’t see him

Your heart accelerated. Every time you saw Joy place food on the counter that Taeyong brought for you, your heart melted. The note he had given you on the first day was tucked safely in your notebook, seeing it right away upon opening it. The lilacs were sitting in the living room in a white vase. Every time you walked out of your bedroom, your eyes would land on them, thinking about the first time you saw them with him.

The doorbell rang.

Taeyong.

You tried to calm down your quickened breathing, debating whether you should catch him or wait for his departure. Ultimately, you decided against waiting for him to leave, a small flicker in you wanted to see him.

You opened the door and saw a cloth bag on the floor with clear glass containers of the foods he cooked. You turned your head right in time to catch a glimpse of his figure, walking into the elevator and not glancing back at you.

- ❀ -

After you finished writing your first midterm, you pulled out your phone and dialed a number.

“Y/N! Oh my God! How are you?”

You smiled at hearing Ten’s cheerful voice. “I’m okay thanks. How are things with you?”

He groaned. “Ugh, what can I possibly say about math? Why did I do this to myself? Anyways what’s up?”

“Is Taeyong near you?”

“No I’m alone.”

“Do you know what he’s doing today? Like is stressed for anything right now?”

He was silent for a bit. “I don’t know what he’s doing today. He’s pretty unpredictable these days. Why- Wait a minute! Don’t tell me you want to see Taeyong!”

Ten took your stunned silence as a yes and you heard him scream a series of yeses, cuing you to cut the call. The entirety of your midterm exam, you couldn’t stop the gnawing at your heart, couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong.

Going to the blocked contacts list, you found Taeyong’s number and unblocked him. On the messages app, your fingers hovered over the keyboard, afraid of what he felt towards you. Would he be mad at you for not talking to him this long? Your fear was irrational because he wouldn’t have dropped by every day to deliver food if he was. Maybe he did it every day because he became used to it.

You took a deep breath in and typed a message, sending it right away.

Taeyong felt his phone vibrate beside him. He was currently working on the written assignment that was supposed to happen at the library before the unfortunate event. He pried his burning eyes away from the laptop screen and onto his phone, his heart stopping.

A message from you.

At the speed of light, he picked his phone up, wishing his eyes weren’t playing a trick on him.

It really was you.

Love: Are you busy?

He wanted to call you. He was desperate to hear your voice. But he didn’t want to push his luck.

Taeyong: No

Love: Where are you?

Taeyong: At home

Love: Can you meet me?

Taeyong: Of course, where?

Love: Parking lot of the campus. We’ll go somewhere from there.

He wasted no time, grabbing the essentials including his phone this time, and hurried out the door.

You waited at the spot, trying to think of where to go. For what you wanted to talk about, you wanted it to be a secluded area where no one else would likely be at that time. Lost in your thoughts of where to go, you didn’t hear a car pull up beside you.

Taeyong’s car.

He stepped out and rounded his car, walking closer to where you stood on the curb. “Y/N,” he called you quietly, scared that he was going to make a wrong move and have you run away from him.

When you locked your gaze with his, you felt the time slow down. You missed him so much. You longed to feel the warmth in his arms, like he would be shielding you from the world. You missed the feeling of his lips on you. You missed spending time with him, cuddling with him, kissing him. Everything.

You missed him because you loved him, but you didn’t know if you could trust your heart to him just yet.

“Tae,” you whispered and a tear slip down your face, instantly drying from the chilly weather.

Taeyong smiled genuinely for the first time after a while, and it made you feel a bit better that he wasn’t mad at you. “Thank you. And I’m really sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my life saying sorry-”

“Don’t,” you cut him off. “I wanted to talk to you.”

He nodded frantically. “I’ll listen to anything you say.”

You asked Taeyong to drive you both to the conservation park, the same one where you confessed to him. The drive there was silent. You weren’t going to make small talk with him just yet. Meanwhile, Taeyong’s hand were getting sweaty as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, nervous about what you were going to say. He didn’t know if you were breaking up with him or not, and the thought of you doing so devastated him.

After he parked the car, you wasted no time and got out of the car with Taeyong following. You thought hard contemplating whether to do it or not, and at the end let your heart give in. When he jogged up to you, you laced your fingers with his. The small action made Taeyong’s heart explode, sending an immense amount of hope that things might become okay between you two.

You led him along the trails in the forest, walking in the familiar direction when you and Joy came here for the first time.

Taeyong recognized the path that once led him to the big surprise and thought you were taking him there. To reminisce that night. But he was wrong when you passed the spot. You were taking him somewhere else.

You stopped at the end of the trail, leaving Taeyong speechless. In front of his eyes was a sparkling blue lake with trees decorated along the other inaccessible side. The water sat still, unmoving in the chilly weather, creating a perfect mirror on its surface. Only a few ripples in the presence of gentle wind broke it fleetingly before regaining the seamless reflection.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” you asked.

Taeyong agreed but stayed mute. He was waiting for you to talk. The main reason why you wanted to see him.

“I wanted to tell you something no one knows. Something Joy doesn’t know... about my past,” you continued.

He felt his heart stop beating. You never brought it up to him and so he didn’t you were ever going to talk about it.

You squeezed his hand a little tighter out of anxiety. You didn’t ever want to talk about it, thinking that it wasn’t going to really mean anything now. It was your pain that you grew up witnessing. It was supposed to be something left in the past and never brought up again. For that reason, you were never ready to talk about it.

But if you and Taeyong wanted to form an unbreakable trust, you had to open up to him, even if it was just a little, and have him understand why you were the way you were.

“Joy asked me once a while back whether it was because of my dad. For not being interested in relationships. I guess it is.”

“Why?” he asked gently.

“Because he emotionally abused my mom.”

You heard him gasp and it felt as if time had stopped around you, memories of your past flooding back to you.

Speaking ill about your significant other, belittling them, asserting dominance. That wasn’t love. Invalidating their feelings, making them cry, having no respect for them. That wasn’t love. It was emotional torture. Not just to your mom but to you witnessing it all as well. You were in a way grateful to be an only child so your unborn siblings wouldn’t have to see it and mature the way you did.

With a gentle squeeze of your hand, Taeyong brought you back to the present moment. “Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he spoke so softly.  

You shook your head. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say anything more. It’s too hard for me. It’s something I try to forget. But I guess it’s scarred in my heart.”

“And you don’t have to say more. I understand.” He rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of your hand, hoping to soothe you.

“I became aware of it in middle school that it wasn’t supposed to be normal. It was too much for me to see my own dad do it to my mom. That’s why I guess I never bothered myself with boys and relationships.”

“Oh my God, I’m really-”

“Don’t you dare say sorry again.”

He bit his tongue before that word slipped out. “But... can I ask you something... about them?”

“Yeah.”

“Are they still together?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t your mother leave him?”

You thought that too. You desperately wished for them to divorce or just live separately. It killed you to see your mom be tormented and broken-hearted every single day. “She never left him because she was dependent on him. And she would claim that it wasn’t the real him and it was his way of showing love.” You thought it was absurd. You knew she was lying. But as a child, you didn’t know what else to do other than to accept it.

“Are they still the same?”

You shook your head. “I don’t know when or why things changed after I left for uni. Whenever I’d go back to see them, it looks like my dad is putting an effort to not hurt my mom. Something must have happened after I left that knocked some sense in him, I guess,” you chuckled to yourself. Even though your dad was getting better at respecting your mom, the pain of seeing of your mom cry to herself every day remained in your heart.

Taeyong was quiet for a moment. The scar from your past was still there and he wanted to be careful and not prick it by saying the wrong thing. After some thought, he asked, “Can I ask you something?”

You laughed quietly, remembering the day when this exact thing happened with the roles reversed. “Yeah.”

“Can you trust me?” He made his mind up. Knowing about you and your past, he was never going to doubt you again. He wasn’t going to jump to conclusions like the way he did with Jaehyun and Lucas.

“I can. But not if you-”

“I won’t ever make assumptions or doubt you again. Like the way I did with Jaehyun and Lucas. I’ll always trust you with my whole heart. I mean it.” He gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

You sent him a weak smile. “Okay. I’m trusting you.”

He smiled at you in a loving manner to which you reciprocated.

You reminded yourself of one more thing to say. “Also Tae, I’m sorry.”

He was puzzled by your apology. Why are you when I’m the one at fault, he thought. “For what?”

“For doubting you, for kissing that girl.”

He shook his head frantically. “You shouldn’t be the one to say sorry. It’s all my fault. It wouldn’t have gotten bad if I didn’t... I’m really-”

“Tae,” you narrowed your eyes on him.

He gave you an awkward smile and cleared his throat. “So... you won’t break up with me?”

You laughed. “As serious as everything I said sounds, and for something that you realized your mistake after, I can give you another chance. You’re lucky I love you so much.”

Taeyong let out a deep breath, feeling his shoulders lighten incredibly. “Thank goodness. I thought the talk was going to be about us breaking up.”

You tenderly smiled at him. “How can I break up with you when you sent food every day? Especially when you sent me your delicious home-cooked meals. That’s literally so sweet of you,” you cooed.

Though the cold air coloured his cheeks rosy, your compliment made his cheeks turn beet red. He giggled it off and showcased his beautiful heart-stopping smile. “I love you too, Y/N.”

- ❀ -

Ten had spread the news of you getting into touch with Taeyong at the speed of light. When Taeyong brought you to his place, everyone was waiting to see the good news. Mark jumped repeatedly on the spot in excitement, squealing and slapping Yuta’s arm in the process. “Ow Mark!” Johnny gave Joy a side hug, and observed a faint pink colour her cheeks, smiling at her. Joy finally forgave Taeyong after you had done so. As long as you were happy with him and everything got sorted out, she was happy. And last but not least, Jaehyun. He was very delighted to see his roommate win your heart again that his dimples were permanent on his face the entire day.

The big day arrived. Valentine’s day. Jaehyun had once told you that it was a blessing to have his birthday fall on a special day. He would receive double the gifts from his admirers. He recalled his high school days where gifts were piled on top of his desk and the locker would be filled with both birthday wishes and love letters. He was beyond excited to see his new friends prepared for his birthday slash Valentine’s day party.

Joy, Johnny and Ten had already gone to the venue to set up everything, while Mark and Yuta were in charge of taking Jaehyun around the city before bringing him there.

In the meantime, you were granted to have some quality time, as said by Ten, with your boyfriend before the party.

Boyfriend.

Taeyong.

The thought of him made you squeal in happiness, feeling warm and fuzzy in your heart.

Your heart leaped when you heard the doorbell ring to your apartment, signaling your loveable boyfriend’s arrival. When you opened the door, you found him affectionately smiling at you with crinkling eyes, holding a bouquet of red roses.

You grabbed his arm, pulled him inside and closed the door. When his gaze landed on your outfit, his eyes blew up. “Are you wearing a dress?”

Your heart was beating super fast, excited to show off the rose print dress. “Yeah! Do you like it?” You did a little twirl to make the dress flow. “I know it’s cold outside but as long as I’m with you, I’ll be warm,” you said, grinning widely.

Taeyong was close to fainting from your cuteness. “It’s really beautiful. I’ve never seen you wear a dress before.”

You nodded. “Yeah I don’t really like wearing one. But I saw this and thought it’d be perfect to wear it on a special occasion. Like today for Valentine’s day. Plus you love red roses.”

He did love red roses, the ones that resembled the scar beside his right eye. And you remembering it made his heart beat erratically in his chest. He pulled you into a crushing hug, holding you close to him as he placed a kiss on your forehead that ignited your entire soul.

“Okay as much as I love your hugs, the flowers are poking me, Tae,” you laughed.

“Oh.” He let you go, holding up the bouquet for you. “It’s Valentine’s Day so I wanted to give you these.”

You took hold of the red flowers, admiring their beauty. “Thank you. They’re really beautiful. Like you.”

He coughed, getting all shy from your compliment attack. “Only because it’s Valentine’s day. If it wasn’t, do you know what I’d get you?”

You frowned and shook your head. “No. What?” Your heart soared upon seeing the sweetest smile broke onto his face.  

“Magenta lilacs.”

[saemi-the-writer]

Just wished to share some templates and memes for my Arcana OCs, so I’m starting with Niamh^^. And yes, I am indulging myself with everyone being on good terms/friends XD (let me dream!)

Note: opinions “what do they think of X so far?” below is her opinion at the end of the prologue!

1. Name? Surname?

Niamh Griffin

2. Any family?

2 aunts: Lucina and Izumi, a twin brother: Réamann and a cousin: Erwin. Parents (deceased): Gaia Scribonius and Bith Griffin.

3. Any familiar?

No (not yet).

4. Asra, Nadia or Julian?

Asra. Otherwise: Portia!

5. Best strength in magic?

“Domestic”/cooking magic, she has a special talent in offering these little things of daily life that just makes you happy. She also can easily changes the size and strenghten any object she grabs, which is really handy when she packs for traveling (think of Mary Poppins’ bag), a pin or a needle can become a weapon when she enlarges it, but her favourite is the frying pan! (classical but efficient!! xD )

6. Favourite colour?

Pink and turquoise.

7. Favourite number?

8

8. Sexuality?

Bi/pansexual

9. Weird hobby?

Collecting various items, sometimes recycling them.

10. Favourite season?

Spring!

11. Favourite weather?

Sunny days and misty days.

12. Favourite place in Vesuvia?

The Market Place.

13. How their laughter sounds like?

Gleeful, quite loud.

14. How do they look like when they cry?

Niamh tends to cover her mouth when she cries (to drown her voice) and her face becomes red.

15. What do they like to wear?

Pants! Not that she hates dresses or skirts, far from it, but she’s more comfortable and looks more elegant wearing pants. She likes to associate “comfy and pretty” or “sober and elegant”. Also: celtic style/embroideries! After meeting Asra and going to the Palace, she comes to love Prakra fashion too, loving the bright and vibrant colours.

16. What are their fears?

o   Isolation, loneliness

o   Her close ones’ death

o   Of never being enough

17. What do they like to do Friday night?

Wrap in a blanket and sit on the bed with a mug of steaming hot tea to discuss or read a book.

18. Do they use makeup?

Occasionally, on special occasions. A bit of red lipstick or foundation when she feels like it on casual days, otherwise she stays natural.

19. Favourite food?

Spicy roasted potatoes, with some herbs.

20. Favourite drink?

Tea, her two favourites are jasmine tea and assam with cinnamon.

21. Zodiac sign?

Taurus.

22. Day of birth?

May 15th

23. Favourite play?

“A Midsummer Night's Dream”

24. Favourite music?

Celtic folk, ballads, bard songs.

25. Favourite song?

“Tir Na Nog”

26. What are their aesthetics?

27. What is their style?

Cute, preppy, celtic, roman.

28. Any mental health issues?

Her crisis are due to her resurrection, she needs time to recover and adjust. But she might suffer of some PTSD.

29. Any health issues in general?

She gets sensitive to the cold and is prone to headaches.

30. Are they human?

Yes.

31. Favourite book?

“The Little Prince”.

32. Favourite book genre?

Fantasy Romance and adventure.

33. Favourite time of the day?

Dawn.

34. If they weren’t magician, who would they be?

She would be either an herbalist or a cook.

35. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yes, but not the common myth/folklore.

36. Do they believe in demons?

Of course! (they are real after all…)

37. Do they like sport?

Yes.

38. How do they look like?

drawing by @greyhands​, thank you!!

39. What is their biggest motivation to solve Lucio’s killer mystery?

To seek, find and reveal the truth, so everyone can get a closure to this sordid tale.

40. What do they think of Lucio so far?

A man whose shadow won’t leave Vesuvia. She doesn’t know what to think of him (yet), but her cousin Erwin seemed very attached to him so she guesses he must have had some good in him.

41. What do they think of Nadia so far?

A proud woman who suffers of a similar condition. She admires her determination and desire to refurbish the city, but she also thinks Nadia can be a bit arrogant and difficult.

42. What do they think of Asra so far?

Asra is both her master and the man she loves. She just wishes he would talk to her and stop leaving so often.

43. What do they think of Julian so far?

An elusive man. She is not certain of his guilt, he really didn’t strike her as a murderer, but she doesn’t know what to think either. And he is Portia’s brother…

44. What do they think of Portia so far?

CUTIE! She is very happy Portia befriended her so fast and loves sneaking around with her in the Palace. Bonus for sharing some gossips between giggles.

45. What do they think of Muriel so far?

Mysterious giant?? Seriously, she has no idea who this man is! (yet)

46. Do they like animals?

Heck yeah!

47. Are they allergic to anything?

Viciousness?

48. Do they have any talents (except magic)?

Cooking (without magic). When she doesn’t know how to express herself with speech, she has a way with writing (not poetry though) or dancing and singing to express herself.

49. Do they get drunken easily?

Yes! This girl can’t hold her liquor!

50. What is their personality type?

ENFJ

51. What is their worst negative quality?

Touchy, stubborn, overly idealistic.

52. What is their best positive quality?

Altruistic, creative, courageous.

53. What is their position to fall asleep?

Lying sideways on the bed. On the right side most of times.

54. The most uncomfortable moment they ever experienced?

Before death: when she realized her “friend” was toxic and yet she felt like she was worthless.

After resurrection: the first time she saw Réamann again, she blacked out and Asra ended up crying in her arms while she had no idea what was going on.

55. Their happiest memory?

When she was surrounded by all the people she loved again, at last.

56. Do they blush?

Yes.

57. Are they clumsy?

No.

58. Do they like jokes?

She likes to do some pranks!

59. How do they flirt?

Either very corny or blunt. She’s better at flirting back.

60. Favorite fruit?

Apples and raspberries.

61. Favorite flower?

Yarrow.

[staytiny-present]

The Boyz college au

because i’m the worst and have spurts of radio silence when i want to be writing my aus but in my defense it is my last week of school for the semester and i’ve been working on getting my associate’s degree :))))))

but anyway uhhh yeah this isn’t ateez i know but i’m still thinking about the be your own king video the boyz released out of literal NOWHERE and i felt inspired today in the middle of doing homework and wanted to provide you with something i hope no one’s done this so i can be original but i wouldn’t hold me breath

Hyunjae 

he’s on the swim team and really into animation, but his major is undeclared. he’s constantly being hounded about needing to decide on a major, but he really just doesn’t care enough. yes he cares about his education (as can be seen by his top notch grades), he just doesn’t know what he wants to do and doesn’t see a problem in that. but he’s into a lot of different clubs besides his swim team, like the art club he frequents with juyeon every week. hyunjae also played a cyborg in one of kevin’s short films, and because of that he’s known as ‘the arm guy’ to a lot of people around campus. everyone else knows him as the star swimmer who’s always at the pool

Juyeon 

he’s an art major, his favorite medium being paint. he’s also really interested in modeling, so he will help out some photography and other art students if they need someone. most people go to him first though because he’s just so beautiful and fits so many different aesthetics and is overall just such a natural at this stuff like wow. he loves making messes for his art projects because it shows that messy can be good sometimes, and it shows he has fun! his social media is mostly pictures of his artwork, but the pictures of him are the most popular and always get the most comments

Q/Changmin 

dance dance dance my guy, he’s a dance major on the dance team who competes in underground dance competitions. his major deals mostly with classical training like ballet and modern dance while the dance team does a lot of hiphop and theatrical dancing, and he mostly freestyles for his competitions. and in case you’re wondering, yes he always wins. honestly though he dances everywhere because it’s what he loves to do, and he loves theatrics and putting on a show. people will find him in really random places around campus practicing or recording covers or even just freestyling because he can

Haknyeon 

he’s a theater major. he likes musical theater and all but his favorites are classic plays. he especially loves shakespeare and has starred in nearly every production of his that the university has put on. he’s just really good at portraying romance and tragedy and even the comedies and it shows. it’s partly because he just loves romance dude what a dweeb so he really puts his whole heart in those performances. he’s always trying to get kevin to make a short film about a reimagined shakespeare story but he has yet to listen to him

Kevin 

he’s a film major with a minor in creative writing. really the guy just wants to write and direct his own movie because how much fun would that be! he stars in a lot of his student short films because a lot of his friends would rather die than do that, but it’s okay because kevin still has fun!! def the type to make iconic indie films by accident when he’s through with college. his favorite genre is fantasy because he loves being transported to far off places, and if he’s able to transport other’s to a place he created? that’s the dream

Sunwoo 

majors in music despite a bunch of people telling him it’s not realistic and a bunch of “you won’t be able to get a solid job if you major in something like that” bullshit, and because of this he has to put himself through college because no one’s really helping him out. it’s hard but sunwoo works part time at a car wash place and a roller rink guess which he likes more. but he knows how to vibe and is able to make his work fun, and it’s very apparent to those around him. people are always asking for the cute one that dances while he works

Sangyeon 

everyone expects him to be the most responsible with his schooling, getting a degree in something professional like business and joining a bunch of leadership and volunteer oriented clubs. while yes he’s done all of that, he’d much rather be at the arcade playing games :( in fact he’s joined a lot of gaming competitions through the arcade, and he’s won a lot of them too! as weird as it sounds, that’s his motivation - knowing that he can win these games and the glory that comes with it, though he’s not a sore loser about things because who does that help? not that he could ever let people on campus know about what he does after school, otherwise they’d just laugh at him. right?

New/Chanhee 

mans is a fashion major and fucking rules at it. he was the kid in high school who was always dressed to the nines while everyone looked at him either like “bro chill out” or “lmao what are you wearing?” it was annoying sure, but he likes clothes and how they make him feel. a lot of people stereotype him because of this though and act like they know everything about him. it’s infuriating and hard to just brush off, but at the end of the day he knows he’s happy with himself and what he is doing. and he knows that’s all that matters

Younghoon 

he’s a lit. major with a concentration in the classics. he and haknyeon honestly bond a lot in that aspect because they’re constantly reading and rereading classic novels and plays together. he thrives in history too, and he’s constantly seen in the library so that he can learn more things. he likes cultural programs and clubs too because it means he gets to learn more about his own and get to learn about others’ as well. his ultimate dream is to write a story that will become a classic one day, even if it takes hundreds of years for it to happen. he’s patient

Jacob 

he’s another music major, but the main difference between him and sunwoo is that he’s not alone in putting himself through school. his family is supportive and helps him out with money, but they also give him a lot of freedom. he’s honestly pretty close with sunwoo despite all of this, and they’re constantly working on music together. jacob knows he can’t just rely on his family though so he works too. works part time at the local fair/amusement park which sunwoo just cannot fathom because “why would you do that to yourself? being around all those rotten kids sounds like a nightmare.” unlike sunwoo, jacob actually likes kids, and even more he likes to see people smile

Eric 

he’s actually on a sports scholarship for baseball. he doesn’t technically need the money for school, but he works in a garage fixing up cars in basically all of his spare time. it’s kinda obvious that he’s on the young side because he’s very “cars are cool :)” and there’s nothing wrong with that, it just means there’s a lot of people younghoon telling him he should join more clubs and become more involved in things going on around campus. but he takes pride in his skill at baseball and in his work with cars and the fact that he just got his driver’s license! take that younghoon

[cinnaminsvga]

Taming of the Bridezilla | Seokjin

→ summary: Picture this: You had been (not-so) cordially invited to the wedding of your least favorite cousin—a woman who had been hellbent on making your childhood a living hell. Now older and wiser, you would think that you would put aside your differences and attend your cousin’s special day without any hard feelings, right? You wouldn’t seek revenge, now would you?

→ genre: fake dating!au, i2l, humor/crack, fluff  → warnings: seokjin and oc paradoxically have big yet small brains, fake proposals, not-so fake mutual pining, thinly veiled baby-making jokes, terrible family members, ass slapping (no worries it’s consensual) → words: 6.3K → a/n: first of all, no this is not a horror fic; i just thought the title was funny. unless you consider the stupidity of the characters to be mildly horrifying, then sure you can count this as a horror fic. this insanely ridiculous fic was commissioned by @breadoffoxy!! anyone who loves chaotic jin is an angel in my book. yes, this comm is a bit longer than expected but what can i say... i love me some jin. anyway i hope you guys enjoy!

“You got the ring, right?”

Seokjin pats his left breast pocket and gives you a quick smirk. The bump where the ring should be is fortuitously hidden by his large and garish boutonniere, looking to all the world like he had pinned a whole head of cabbage to his suit. Even then, he still somehow manages to make it work. “Of course I did. This entire plan would be useless if I didn’t have it,” he says.

“What flavor did you get? I quite like the watermelon one,” you muse, smacking your lips in anticipation. “Though it’s hard to remember since I haven’t had a ring pop in years.”

Seokjin laughs loudly, startling a group of aunties gossiping in the corner. They all shoot glares at him, though the effect has lost its novelty as they’ve already been glaring at you from the moment you arrived. You suppose that they have a good reason to, considering that you both arrived at the reception an entire 30 minutes late. You can imagine them cursing you under their breath, saying something like, “You’ve brought dishonor to us all!” or whatever it is that aunties like to say these days.

“I could have gotten you all the flavors available at the convenience store if you wanted, but then we’d be 40 minutes late instead,” Seokjin sighs, pretending to be anguished at the thought.

You snort in the most unladylike manner that you can, grinning wildly when you hear one of the aunties gasp in horrified disbelief. From the way they’re reacting, you might have thought that you just flashed them your Borat-inspired neon green thong.

“I do love a man who can treat me well,” you giggle, earning a soft pinch from him.

“Oh, hush. I know you love it. You nearly burst into tears the other day when I bought you a McFlurry because your broke ass was a dollar short,” Seokjin teases. You squawk indignantly, unable to come up with a retort.

“Whatever! Just because you’re a trust fund baby doesn’t mean you get to bully my impoverished state. Just you fucking wait ‘til I get hit by a wealthy 77 year old’s BMW and then I’ll be made for life,” you huff, your illusion of annoyance quickly shattered by the large, dumb grin on your face. “Hey, would you still love me if I broke all my limbs but had a massive bank account?”

“I’d rather buy you McDonald’s for the rest of your life than see you in pain,” he answers simply, patting you gently on the head. “Though I suppose helping you inject thousands of calories into your bloodstream would also cause you pain later on in life, but hey, at least you’d go down doing what you love.”

“Oh, yes. Keep talking dirty to me. I love it when you talk about the ways you’d kill me by association.” You laugh, casually looping your arms together as you walk past the slowly growing crowd of aunties and entering the reception hall to find your seats. Almost everyone is already in their seats, with a few guests milling about and greeting one another with tight-lipped smiles and hollow laughter. The sight brings goosebumps up your arm, bringing back terrible memories of having to make niceties with these people despite knowing that they despised you and your less affluent family.

Remember, you’re only here as a representative for your parents, you tell yourself. You’d rather bear the brunt of the thinly-veiled insults than to have your parents have to experience this hell. Besides, you have big plans for today, and they would only be brought to an end if your mother ever found out what you wanted to do in the first place.

“As they say… We’re here for a good time, not a long time, which I suppose is our philosophy for tonight as well,” he quips back. He taps you lightly on the hand, wrenching your gaze away from the magnificent chocolate fountain on the dessert table and back to his somewhat less magnificent face. A straight-up lie, but it is the only defense mechanism you have in your arsenal that can keep you from staring at how gorgeous he looks in his suit and tie like a braindead idiot. Denial, after all, hasn’t failed you during the last five years that you’ve been in love with your own best friend.

“What is it?” you ask, curious when he furtively points out one of your cousins near the front of the hall. “That’s Namjoon. Do you know him?”

“Know is a strong word,” Seokjin hums, winking at your cousin when he happens to turn towards the two of you. Namjoon’s eyes light up when he sees him, but his excitement immediately vanishes when he notices who Seokjin has beside him on his right arm. You could see the mental cogs going on inside Namjoon’s head as he stares at the two of you, but you don’t get to see him reach a conclusion before Seokjin is pulling you away, walking in the opposite direction.

“Seokjin? What was that all about?” you ask, though you have to admit you’re kind of afraid to know the answer to your own question. As much as everything about tonight’s scheme had been your idea, you can’t help but think that Seokjin’s intense enthusiasm to help you isn’t merely out of his own desire to help you as a friend, but rather due to his innate calling to cause chaos wherever he goes.

“I have a secret bonus surprise for the bride and groom once we get kicked out from this joint after we do our thing,” he says. “And, dare I say, it’ll be quite a treat for all the guests here.” The smirk on his lips is downright heinous, only exacerbating the frantic racing of your heart. There must be something wrong with you, not with how badly you want to do unspeakable atrocities to him and his evil-looking ass. Or perhaps he was simply put down on Earth to test your slowly fraying sanity.

He snaps you out of your dumbfounded, horny stupor when he continues, “If everything goes according to plan, then we’ll truly end this night with a bang, no pun intended.”

“What was even the pun there?” You raise a brow, slightly disconcerted by the way Seokjin was struggling to keep his laughter (at his own joke) at bay. “You know what? Don’t even answer. I guess I’ll just have to find out later tonight.”

After some pointless meandering while the two of you locate your seats, you are finally able to locate your table, unsurprisingly situated near the farthest corner of the hall where no one would have to see you. You’re honestly more surprised that your newly-wedded cousin had even remembered to give you a seat, though you suppose that it must have been at the behest of your uncle. While your devil of a cousin has always been rude and cruel to you, you have to admit that at least her father knew some manners, though that only begs the question as to what happened to his daughter along the way. Genetics and expensive etiquette classes can only help so much, you suppose.

“Thank you again for doing this with me. You really didn’t need to,” you say when you take a seat, nearly elbowing him in the process. Your chairs are wedged right beside the emergency exit and a grotesque ice sculpture of the bride and groom, forcing the two of you to sit so close that you could feel Seokjin breathe directly into your ear. If you shifted just slightly to the right, you’d basically be sitting on his lap (which is a prospect that intrigues you greatly, but you refrain from voicing it in fear of creeping him out… for now).

“How could I ever resist the offer to ruin your cousin’s wedding? This has been on my bucket list for years,” he winks cheekily at you. “Besides, you’re my dearest friend, Y/N. You could ask me to fight a bear naked, and I’d gladly let it eat my dick in one chomp!”

“I wouldn’t let a bear eat your dick,” you say kindly, patting him gently on the back. “You can’t afford to lose an inch when you only have two to offer.”

Before you could laugh hysterically at Seokjin’s howls of betrayal, your attention is pulled away when the soft violin music stops playing abruptly. From far away, it’s hard to tell what’s going on until you notice a bright light reflecting off of the sea of attendees, the balding head of the reception’s host bobbing up and down as he makes his way to the front of the hall.

“Attention esteemed guests! We will now begin serving dinner shortly. Please remain in your seats as our waiters attend to you.” The host speaks into a crackly microphone just as a few scraggly-looking underpaid teenagers in black dress shirts come out with the first course of the night.

Seokjin cranes his neck, trying to see what the food is. “What the hell is that? Why does it look like green shit in a bowl?” he murmurs, loud enough so that only you can hear. “I didn’t know your cousin was a Dr. Seuss fan. Are we being served green eggs and ham?” Before you can guess, you watch as his nose crinkles in disgust, a vile stench making its way to your area even though none of the waiters were even close to your table. “Oh my goodness, is that stench what we’re supposed to eat?”

“Smells like a barnyard,” you comment, though you aren’t as surprised as he is by the revolting smell. “Well, my cousin always did like making atrocious vegan recipes on her shitty WordPress blog, so I wouldn’t put it past her if she made up the menu for her own wedding.”

“She’s a vegan and a bully? What are the odds,” he says drily, cringing when he watches one of the guests begin to dry heave the moment a spoonful of the green stuff enters their mouth. “Christ. I didn’t know I was signing up for a life or death mission.”

“At this rate, I don’t think we’re getting served until the end of the night anyway,” you say, observing as the understaffed employees tried their best to get to every table while insufferable aunts did their worst to hinder their progress by nagging and complaining. Why were they so adamant about eating the food anyway? Were they itching to get diarrhea on a Saturday night? You do admit that it would probably be better, so then at least you’d have an excuse to leave earlier. “Though I suppose... Do you think eating the mystery goo while it’s cold would be better or worse?”

“It’s okay, I’ll treat you to McDonald’s when we finish up here,” he says, smiling sweetly at you. Never in your life has the mention of greasy fries and chicken nuggies made your heart race faster than it did at that moment, but then again, it could also be your high-blood pressure kicking up. Either way, you can’t ignore the way your face heats up at his offer, now more excited than ever for the reception to be over.

You and Seokjin chat as you wait for everyone around you to finish eating, not even bothered when the waiters forget to bring your food. You’re in the middle of debating the pros and cons of cock and ball torture when large dark shadows loom over both your heads, much like a solar eclipse. A cold shiver runs up your spine when you look up to find the reptilian faces of your aunts, the fumes of their designer perfume creating a cloud so noxious that you could feel your lungs shrivel into prunes.

“Hello, Y/N. It’s nice to see you after such a long time,” your Aunt Sohee greets, her tone indicating that there was nothing pleasant about seeing you at all. Your aunt, who had gotten so much botox done that she was reminiscent of a plastic balloon ready to pop, has her entourage of fellow aunties behind her, all of whom looked ridiculous in their fake designer dresses. You swear you can see that one of them had forgotten to snip off the Made in China tag before wearing it to the wedding.

“Aunt Sohee, you’re looking… young,” you say after a moment, deciding to settle on lying for now. Even though your main plan for this evening is to create chaos at your cousin’s wedding, your one condition is that you wouldn’t cause a scene with your aunts. While you are hardly in the running for favorite niece, there is still a 1% chance that you could get some inheritance from them once they hit the grave, so you’ll have to grit your teeth and bear the incoming barrage of personal questions coming your way lest you lose out in the long run.

“Why, thank you. I can’t say the same for you,” she huffs, shamelessly grabbing my cheeks and squishing them like stress balls. She peers sourly at your disfigured face, trying to squint judgmentally at you but failing due to her horrendous plastic surgery. “How old are you? Why do you have so many wrinkles?”

You feel your eyebrow twitch involuntarily, unable to respond even if you wanted due to the gorilla-hold she has on your face. You side-eye Seokjin, who is looking back at you with a blank and calm expression. You had already told him beforehand that you wouldn’t be arguing with your aunts, but that doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to be an asshole.

Being an asshole, after all, is Seokjin’s favorite pastime.

“Hello, Aunties. My name is Kim Seokjin, and I’m Y/N’s long-term boyfriend. She’s told me many good things about you,” he says with a polite smile, his hamster cheeks puffing up in that adorably boyish way. The surrounding aunties all begin to coo at his handsome face (unfair!), but they’re quickly silenced by a sharp glare from your Aunt Sohee. She appraises him, giving him a once over with a pursed lip.

“Long-term boyfriend, huh? Are you sure you aren’t paying her or something? Y/N hasn’t had a boyfriend in years. Her cousins have told me that she’s been too busy with other… extracurricular activities to bother sticking around,” your aunt says snidely, her sneer deepening. She lets go of your face, crossing her arms when she spies the expensive watch on his wrist. “Ah, I see that you’re well-off. I just can’t possibly see why else you’d be staying with her if not for other reasons.”

You can feel your blood pressure rising, the veins on your forehead undoubtedly bulging as you try to suppress your rage. Screw your cousin for spreading a rumor that you’re a whore! It’s as if you were the one sucking guys off in the locker rooms when the two of you were in the second year of high school and not her. You haven’t even had your first proper kiss, for heaven’s sake!

Instead of getting angry, Seokjin’s expression hardly changes at all. His serene smile is still plastered on his face, but only you can tell that he’s even remotely bothered by their rude remarks. You can feel the air around him turn frosty, but your oblivious aunties are still too busy tittering amongst themselves, exchanging insults at your expense.

“Oh, are we that obvious?” Seokjin tilts his head, feigning innocence. Your head jerks towards him, your eyes bugging out of their sockets. What the fuck? “You are so right, Auntie Sohee. I’m sure Y/N must have informed you about our predicament. You see, we’ve—”

“Your predicament?” Aunt Sohee scoffs, interrupting Seokjin mid-speech. “I can’t believe the nerve of this girl, bringing her little boy-toy to the holy matrimony of her cousin—”

“—been trying to produce an heir to the Kim Line for months now,” Seokjin sighs heavily, looking off into the distance with glazed, dreamy eyes. You nearly cough out a lung at his sudden proclamation, about to interject and ask him what on earth he was talking about. Your words die on your tongue, however, when he grips your hand tightly underneath the table. He taps three times on the back of your hand: an old sign that you both made back in high school whenever he was busy bullshitting his way out of trouble.

Luckily, none of your aunts notice your blunder, all of them too occupied trying to wrap their heads around what Seokjin had said. Multiple mouths drop open in surprise and disbelief, including your Aunt Sohee. Her penciled eyebrows arch comically high, her smoothened forehead wrinkling infinitesimally (a feat in itself, for you were sure she had long since lost any ability to move the skin on her face.)

“I beg your pardon?” she whispers, staring daggers at Seokjin.

Then beg, you think to yourself. Judging by the way the corners of Seokjin’s lips lift slightly, you have a strong feeling that he was thinking the same thing to himself. Instead, he says, “Yes, Aunt Sohee. You see, I come from a long line of businessmen. Ever heard of Kim Enterprises.”

Her face turns pale. “You mean… the Kim Enterprises? The one that owns—”

“South Korea’s largest chain of department stores? I’m flattered that you’re familiar,” he winks. He leans forward, gesturing for your aunts to come closer, like he’s imparting state secrets to them. “My older brother, who has been married for quite some time, has chosen to remain childless at the behest of his wife. For that reason, my father put me up to the task of producing an heir for the company.”

“An heir?” your aunt repeats, dumbfounded.

Seokjin nods, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Yes, it’s quite unfortunate, but it’s a responsibility I’m willing to take. My family is notorious for planning our lives, even for the next 50 years, so I am forever grateful to have Y/N who is willing to bring me multiple potential heirs to my family.”

“Multiple heirs?” Your aunts shriek in unison, causing a few nearby guests to look over at your table in curiosity. You wave at them awkwardly in apology, hoping to get them to ignore the absolute clusterfuck happening right in front of you.

You feel Seokjin kick you gently in the shin, urging you to say something as well. You clear your throat, channeling all the pent-up Seokjin energy that you had indirectly absorbed over the years of being his friend. “That’s right… My Jinnie has always been so lonely, living in his gigantic mansion with his piles of money. He may have never felt the loving touch of his father, but I’m certain that we’ll be great parents to our children. Why, we’re almost like a pair of rabbits when it comes to—”

Aunt Sohee clears her throat abruptly, a deep flush coloring her cheeks as she glares daggers at you. She looks absolutely peeved, and it takes all your mental fortitude to restrain yourself from jumping up in triumph. Take that, wench!

“I have to admit that this is somewhat… unexpected,” your aunt says carefully, pointing a tight smile at Seokjin. He beams back, positively delighted.

“Y/N is quite the catch. I’m grateful to have her in my life,” he says, his tone growing soft by the end. He looks at you then, and you find a mysterious emotion floating in his eyes that you can’t quite name. When you blink and try to get a closer look, his careful façade is back in place.

Eventually, your aunts lose interest in you once they realize they can no longer bully you, not when you had an incredibly rich boyfriend to back you up. “Must be nice being a rich boy, huh?” you snicker, teasing the blushing boy beside you. Thanks to his hair growing longer than usual, the tips of his ears are miraculously hidden away. When you brush his hair back, they are as red as a baboon’s ass.

“Oh, shut up. You know I hate flaunting my dad’s money,” he whines, pouting cutely. He fingers the watch on his wrist, staring at it uncomfortably. “This isn’t even my watch. I had to borrow one from my brother.”

“Well, you did it for me, so I suppose it’s not all bad,” you laugh, pinching his cheek lightly. “Plus, it was funny watching my aunts shut up for once. They’re just mad that you’re richer than the groom.”

“Really? What does he do?”

“He’s an entrepreneur.” You snort, emphasizing the word with air quotations. “Honestly, he just calls himself that while he waits for his self-made business to pop off or whatever. No such luck so far, if what I heard was right.”

“Lucky for you, you’re stuck with my devastatingly handsome face and stinkin’ rich bank account,” he jokes, contorting his face into a funny expression until you’re left snorting at his antics. Little does he know, you still would’ve l***d him even if he wasn’t any of those things, but that’d be too cringey to say. What are you, some sort of romantic lead protagonist?

It takes a little bit over an hour for dessert to start getting served, by which point the bride and groom decide to make their rounds to greet the guests. “Don’t you think this is the perfect time to put our plan into motion? The dance floor is open and we should be able to make it to the center without anyone noticing,” he whispers, his breath tickling your neck.

“Yeah, let’s go,” you say, but just as you’re about to get up from your seat, a flurry of white blocks your path in an instant. You startle slightly, falling back to your chair and hitting Seokjin in the chest with a soft grunt. “Shit, sorry about that Seokjin—”

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my dear cousin,” a voice cuts you off, the disdain in their voice dripping like acid down your ear canals. Your blood freezes instinctively, years of past trauma crashing down on you as your childhood bully stands just inches away from you, her blood-red lips stretched into a broad smirk.

“Kairi,” you greet.

“Y/N,” she responds.

“Seokjin!” Seokjin adds helpfully.

Your cousin turns to him slowly. “Quite right,” she hisses, eyebrows pinched together in thinly-veiled annoyance. “I’ve heard through some whispers that my baby cousin finally managed to snag a rich kid for a boyfriend and I just couldn’t help but let my curiosity drag me over here.” She looks you up and down, snorting at what she sees. “You would think that having a chaebol as a boyfriend would mean you could at least afford a proper dress.”

You glance down at your dress: a hand-me-down from your mother because you couldn’t be bothered to buy a new one, not when you’d rather choke on Satan’s hot fiery balls for all eternity than spend any amount of money just to attend your cousin’s wedding. Despite this, you can’t help your cheeks from heating in embarrassment, an automatic response after years of bullying and torment from that spoiled bitch.

When you don’t reply, Kairi’s smirk widens. “Oh? Cat got your tongue? Sugar daddy couldn’t even be bothered to buy you a dress? While you’re at it, maybe you should ask for a new car too. I’m surprised you even made it here alive in that old metal deathtrap of yours. You’re lucky you were just late to the reception instead of dead on the street.”

You can sense Seokjin staring at you from your right. Your fists are clenched tightly on your skirt, your nails nearly tearing the fabric in your searing rage. Slowly, carefully, Seokjin slips his hands underneath yours—he pries your death grip open until he can lace his fingers in between yours. At once, your anger melts at his tender gesture, your focus pulled away from your cousin and back to him. He thumbs the back of your hand, as if assuring you that he’d handle this himself.

He smiles at Kairi, not a single ounce of kindness in his eyes. “Yes, indeed. It is my mistake entirely for not ordering a dress much sooner. Y/N is so incredibly humble; she’d rather wear a vintage outfit than wear one of those paper-thin dresses from YesStyle that you and your bridesmaids seem to favor,” he sighs, pretending to be pained.

“Paper-thin? YESSTYLE?” Kairi screeches, her voice breaking the sound barrier. You watch in fascination as her skin turns an unflattering ruddy shade.

Unperturbed by her murderous aura, Seokjin prattles on. “Quite right,” he mocks her with her own words, smirking ever so slightly. “Though, I must apologize for being late to the reception. That was my fault as well. My father had a general meeting this morning for all the employees at the company, as he had wanted to announce that I would be the Vice President starting next Monday. We tried to leave sooner, but everyone had been too busy congratulating us,” he apologizes, though not apologetic in the slightest.

Your cousin could cosplay as a walking crack pipe with how much steam was puffing out of her ears. She’s livid, so much so that her fury was preventing her from formulating any sort of comeback. “You—how dare you—I swear on my—” she stutters incomprehensibly, her vulture-like nails tearing her dainty paper-thin skirt into shreds.

Just as she looks about ready to blow, her father comes around to your table. He places a hand delicately on his daughter’s shoulder, immediately understanding the situation when he sees you. “Kairi, I think it’s time for you to greet the rest of the guests. Uncle Iverson said he has a gift for you that simply cannot wait,” he says, doing his best to appease you. He gives you a genuinely regretful look; you shake your head, waving off his concern.

“It was nice seeing you, Kairi. I hope you and your husband will have a wonderful year together,” you say. You gasp exaggeratedly, holding a hand to your heart. “Oh, sorry. I meant to say I hope you have wonderful years together. Pardon my mistake.”

Before the scant amount of brain cells in your cousin’s brain could process your words, her father pulls her away, dragging her to the next table over. Once they’re out of earshot, you heave a sigh of relief. Beside you, Seokjin lets out a laugh that he had been undoubtedly holding in the past few minutes, sounding like a fish gasping for air with how much he is shaking with mirth.

“Fuck, that was hilarious. Did you see how angry she got? Beautiful,” he says, wiping away a stray tear. “Love that for us!”

“Damn. I knew you were good at bullshitting, but even your acting skills almost convinced me,” you whistle lowly, impressed. “You sure you’re not a con-artist in disguise?”

“All good businessmen are con-artists, my young padawan,” he snickers, winking at you. He shrugs. “You get used to dealing with assholes like her when you attend enough rich people parties. Besides, all good lies are rooted in the truth, after all. That’s what my father taught me when I was seven.”

“You must have been a terrible child, then.” You laugh, before realizing what he had just said. “Wait. Rooted in the truth? What does that mean?”

“Oh. Well,” he clears his throat, giggling nervously. He rubs his neck, embarrassed. “I am the vice president of dad’s company now. I just lied about the meeting being this morning. He announced it a day ago or something. Not that it’s a big deal or anything…”

You gawk at him, speechless. Not for the first time in your life, you are once again stunned by the absurdity of the man before you. How did men like him exist outside of cheesy k-dramas? He’s handsome, rich, funny, AND well-mannered? It’s almost like some love-crazed author had penned him into existence for their entertainment.

Seokjin breaks you from your reverie, tapping you thrice on your shoulder. “Shall we go? The dance floor is still empty. It’s now or never.”

You nod excitedly, standing up to head towards the center of the hall. This time, there is no one stopping you as the two of you make your way towards your destination. The lights near the dancefloor are still dimly lit, as most of the lighting is currently focused on the guests as the bride and groom make their rounds to greet everyone. Even if Seokjin got onto his knees right now, only a few people nearby would notice, so you’d have to do something to catch people’s attention.

“This is going to be moderately to highly embarrassing for a few moments, but I think that’s the atmosphere we’re going for, isn’t it?” Seokjin whispers, his mouth embarrassingly close to yours as he holds you gently by the waist. There isn’t a need for him to stand so close to you, but you have to admit his presence is mostly calming—minus the fact that he’s been your crush for five years and he’s going to be fulfilling one of your deepest fantasies in front of your entire extended family. No biggie.

“I suppose so. What are you gonna do to get their attention?” you ask, palms beginning to sweat. Despite this, Seokjin still takes your hands into his own, a small smile on his lips.

“Just watch,” he whispers, before slowly getting down on one knee.

Ba-dump. Here we fucking go.

“My dearest Y/N… The apple of my eye, the straw to my berry, the con to my dom,” Seokjin says, projecting his voice so that it can be heard even above the music. One of the violin players is even startled long enough to stop playing, further causing more heads to turn in their direction. You hear a gasp coming from your left, but you force yourself not to look. Instead, you stare right back into Seokjin’s sweet brown eyes, your heart beating a mile a minute.

This isn’t real… This is just a prank, bro. Get over yourself, you hiss internally, but your heart refuses to listen.

“You’ve been in my life for almost half a decade, and not a day goes by wherein I don’t wonder what it would be like to live the rest of my days with you. In many ways, I wouldn’t be the person I am if it hadn’t been for your presence in my life,” he says. If you look deeper into his eyes, you can almost trick yourself into thinking that they looked wetter than they had just a moment ago.

“Y/N, you are the person I’ve loved for years now. I used to think you didn’t like me as much as I liked you, so I was always scared to pop the question. I had many opportunities to ask, but I suppose tonight just felt like the right moment. I was afraid that if I didn’t do it now, I might never get the chance to ask again, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let you slip away out of cowardice.”

For some reason, his words seem almost too real, like he was speaking the truth. You have never doubted his acting skills, but would you be willing to wonder if there was even a small possibility that there was some truth to his tale? You swallow thickly, the need to ask just dangling on the tip of your tongue.

He rifles through his jacket pocket, procuring a small velvet box. He thumbs it almost reverently, his hands shaking slightly, but you can blame that on the nerves from hundreds of people watching you. He takes a deep breath, opening the box with a soft click. “My dearest Y/N… Would you give me the honor of spending the rest of my days with you?”

You feel your breath get knocked out of you in an instant, the genuine adoration in his eyes too much for you to handle. You stammer slightly, too busy staring at him to properly register the loud claps, screams, and hollers all around you. “I… Seokjin… This is…”

“MAKE THEM STOP! SOMEONE KICK THEM OUT RIGHT NOW!” You dimly hear your cousin screaming obscenities somewhere, but you are still too caught up in the moment to care. The world only consists of you and Seokjin—nothing else matters right now.

When you look down at the box in his hands, fully expecting to see a comically large ring pop nestled in its cushions, but instead you find—

You gasp, nearly doubling over in surprise. “Oh my god, Seokjin. Is that a real fucking diamond ring?!”

He shrugs, smiling wryly. “Only the best rocks for the girl who rocks my socks off every night,” he jokes, but his nervousness is palpable. He’s sweating, a drop trailing down the side of his face despite the strong air conditioning.

Oh shit. It hits you right then that his proposal is real. The damned idiot is fucking proposing to you in front of your most hated family members, and he’s proposing to you for real.

“Kim Seokjin, please fucking explain yourself—”

But before he can have the chance to open his mouth, you feel rough hands grab you by the shoulders, pulling you away from him. “I’m sorry I have to do this, ma’am. Bride’s orders,” one of the waiters says, awkwardly escorting you to the exit. When you turn back, you see another waiter pulling Seokjin away as well, the box with the ring still clutched tightly in his hand.

The two waiters deposit you outside the hall, bowing stiffly before heading back into the room. You’re still breathing heavily, the adrenaline coursing through your veins. Seokjin isn’t any better, bent over with his hands on his knees. From your vantage point, you can see how red his entire neck is, his blush reaching even past the collar of his shirt.

“Seokjin…” you trail off, unable to say another word. You’re completely flabbergasted, elated, annoyed, and mostly just mind-fucked because when on earth did Kim Seokjin ever have a crush on you?!

“I’m sorry. That must have been quite a shock,” he coughs out a laugh. He rubs his face, embarrassment rolling off of him in waves. “I just… It was sort of a last-minute decision I made. I’ve been into you for years now, and I know I’m kinda putting you on the spot by proposing like that, but I knew if I didn’t do anything soon, you might just slip away before I can say anything.”

“Wait. So are you really… proposing to me?” You squeak out the last bit, your face mirroring his reddened state.

“No!” He shouts suddenly, before covering his mouth with his palm. “S-sorry, what I mean to say is, it wasn’t really a marriage proposal. It was more like… just a general proposal? I do want to live with you forever, but I know that thought must be daunting and—oh god, I don’t even know if you like me like that, so this must be incredibly weird and out of line. Please excuse me while I shove a cactus up my ass—”

“Seokjin,” you interrupt, silencing his rambling. He clamps his mouth shut. “Are you… asking me out?”

He nods his head. “Yeah…”

“And what you said is true? You actually like me?”

“No, you don’t understand. I love you,” he says, before getting shy again. He looks down at the ring box. “Fuck. This isn’t a real engagement ring, by the way. It’s more like a promise ring, so you don’t have to feel bad for rejecting me.”

“Oh my god, I’m in love with an idiot,” you groan, pulling him into a hug. You nestle into his chest, giggling hysterically into his shirt. “I fucking hate you.”

“Wait, I’m getting mixed signals over here,” Seokjin says, gasping when he feels how tightly you embrace him. He doesn’t complain, however. He returns the gesture in kind, nuzzling deep into your neck. “So, does that mean the feeling is mutual?”

“Yes, you idiot. Now give me my ring.”

“My pleasure, princess.” He laughs, drawing away slightly so that he can slip the ring on your finger. The diamond shines brightly under the fluorescent lights, but nothing brings you more joy than having the boy you love in your arms.

As the two of you are sharing a sweet moment, it takes a second for you to realize that the commotion from inside the venue still hasn’t stopped. When you crane your heads, you spot one of the doors had been left ajar, allowing you to slip your heads through the crack just in time to see Seokjin’s beautiful bare ass being projected onto a large screen.

The musical notes of Rick Astley’s most popular song play loudly on the speakers, drowning out the sounds of the bride screaming bloody murder as the IT people tried their best to sort out the mess. The Seokjin on the screen slaps his ass in time with the tune, his glorious moon-shaped globes shaking mesmerizingly for all to see.

When you look to Seokjin for an explanation, he merely shrugs his shoulders. “They really should do background checks on the people they hire for these things. Taking that one video editing course in university really does pay off, huh?”

“Sure does,” you grin, linking your arms together. “Now let’s get some fucking McDonalds.”

And so, you lived happily ever after—the end.

[bangtanloverboys]

off limits (ii) // myg & knj

summary - it’s been a while since yoongi showed namjoon what happens when he touches what doesn’t belong to him; but now you want to play with him

pairing - yoongi x male hybrid!reader, namjoon x male hybrid!reader, yoongi x namjoon

genre - smut; mafia au, hybrid au

word count - 2.3k

warning - dom yoongi, sub namjoon, sub reader, voyeurism, hand job, blowjob/mouth fucking, edging, cum eating, daddy kink, sir kink, referenced/implied orgy

author’s note - part 2, there will be no part 3. enjoy <3

part i

With a satisfied moan, you let yourself fall onto the bed; completely satiated from your activities with Yoongi. Eyes half lidded, you watched your owner slip from your shared bed to the bathroom. You let your eyes close, catching your breath as you waited for his return. You knew he was back when you felt the gentle caress of a washcloth along your member and between your legs, you sighed as he cleaned your sore and spent body. When he finished, he got in bed next to you, laying flat on his back. You could feel him staring at you, sensing your racing thoughts. 

“What are you thinking about, kitten?” He asked, ready to give you anything you desired. 

“I’m not thinking about anything,” you responded, you were thinking about something though. You just didn’t know how to tell him without Yoongi getting overly possessive. 

“I know your thinking face. Tell me, kitten, what is it you want?”

You purse your lips, your mind going back to merely a few weeks ago to the night at the club. The night Yoongi played with you infront of one of his lower ranking associates, a punishment for him for touching you. Something Yoongi was only allowed to do. But that night, Namjoon wasn’t allowed to touch himself or come at all. You felt a bit sorry for him, you wanted him to maybe have a little reward after following Yoongi’s orders so nicely afterwards. “I’m thinking about Namjoonie.” 

Yoongi sucked in a breath, that was something he did not expect you to say. “What about him?”

“I wanna play with him.”

“Absolutely not.” Yoongi turned his head away from you, not wanting to continue the conversation. 

“But daddy,” you whined, turning over to lay on his chest, forcing him to look up at you, “we play with Jiminie and Taehyungie all the time!” To which was true, there were more than enough times where Yoongi would allow you to invite your two friends to join them for an evening. Yoongi knew you loved messing around with other people, what was so different about Namjoon?

“Because kitten, Jiminie and Taehyungie don’t touch you. You touch them.” Yoongi had very specific rules about you being touched, wanting to be the only one that ever brings you pleasure. But you loved playing with others, and while the sight of you having people fall apart under you made him insane, he needed control. To compromise, he allowed you to touch them. Never allowing them to touch you. 

You frowned, but only for a moment before a brilliant idea came to mind. “What if you played with him?”

“Excuse me?”

“You play with him, I watch, and he doesn’t touch me.” You explained, nonchalantly tracing circles over his chest while you waited for his answer. 

“Why do you want this exactly, kitten?” Yoongi raised a brow at you.

You merely bit your lip and leaned forward, to purr in his ear, “Because I wanna see how pretty he looks with your hand wrapped around his cock.” You pulled back, looking at him with your big eyes.

Tongue between his teeth, Yoongi took in your begging face. Your lower lip stuck out as you pouted. He knew, and you knew, he could never ever say no to you. With a roll of his eyes, he agreed. 

“Yay!! Thank you, daddy!” You squealed, pressing kisses over his face and towards his neck. Pausing your kisses, you took a deep inhale of his pine scent. A smile on your face, you rubbed your nose along the expanse of his neck, scenting him. You knew that you had no real competition for Yoongi’s attention, he had eyes for you and you alone, but it was still nice to mark him as yours; letting another hybrid know he was yours and yours alone. 

“Hmm you’re welcome, kitten.” He sighed as you placed a final kiss under his jaw. “Tomorrow. You’ll get your pay time tomorrow.” 

To which, Yoongi kept his promise, summoning a very anxious Namjoon to his personal estate. To say he was scared out of his wits was an understatement, he was terrified. Since that night, Namjoon has followed through with Mr. Min’s order: no touching. He even pushed it a little further than not touching you, but barely even looking at you whenever he knew you were around. 

He felt like his heart was going to pound out of his chest as he rang the bell to Yoongi’s manor. The heavy front door was pulled open by one of the bodyguards that was outside the room that night. . . did he know? He must’ve known as he looked at him with a knowing smirk as he opened the door further. “Boss is expecting you. Follow me.” He said as Namjoon stepped into the vast entry hall.

He followed the bodyguard, climbing up a large staircase. His mind was racing as he was led deeper and deeper into Yoongi’s home. What did he want? Did he change his mind about letting him off the hook? Was he going to die tonight?

Namjoon was cut off from his thoughts by running into the bodyguard, who had stopped in front of a door that could only have the man he feared most behind it. “He’s waiting for you inside.” Was all the man said before he turned back into the maze of hallways from where they came from. 

The bodyguard no longer in sight, Namjoon faced the door in front of him. Taking a deep breath, he knocked twice on the wood. From inside, he could hear a faint “Come in.” He opened the door, to reveal Yoongi in front of him, dressed smartly as he was before, leaning against his desk. Off to Namjoon’s right, sat you on a bed; dressed in only a button up shirt, that he can only assume is Yoongi’s. Immediately he diverts his eyes away from your scantily clad body, staring right at Mr. Min’s shoes.

“You summoned me, sir?” He hears you let out a small giggle as he addresses your owner.

“Yes, I did.” Yoongi pushed himself off his desk, taking a few steps to stand in front of him, sliding his hands into his pockets. “My little kitten here wants me to play with you.”

The words that he hears have Namjoon choking on his own spit. Stunned, he actually looks at you and fully takes in your expression. Your eyes were dark as you devoured him with your stare.

“If you don’t want to, this is your chance to leave and we will never speak of this again” Yoongi continues, his tone deadly serious. Still looking at you, he sees you stick your lower lip out in a pout. The same pout that got him into trouble with dancing with you in the first place. He looked back to Yoongi, who raised a brow at him questioningly. Waiting for his answer. 

“I, uh, okay-” He sputtered out, his face feeling like it was on fire. 

“Kitten,” Yoongi looked over to you, who was silently celebrating that he agreed. “Explain to him the rules.”

“Daddy touches you, you can’t touch me. The safeword is sugar. You call him sir, only I can call him daddy.” You recite, like you’ve done this a million times before. 

“And what do you want him to call you, kitten?” Yoongi asks as he circles around Namjoon, studying him carefully. 

“You can call me kitty,” you say with a flick of your tail. “Got it?”

Soon as Namjoon gave a nod of his head, he felt a hand begin to palm him over his trousers. “Keep your eyes on him, little boy.” Yoongi growls as he gives his hardening cock a squeeze. Swallowing, he does as Yoongi orders. Watching you as your hand travels to your own erection, wrapping your hands around it as Yoongi gets him so hard, it’s straining against his pants. “Get those off,” Yoongi commands, pulling his hand away. With the loss of Yoongi’s touch, he wants to whine, but he does as he’s told, scrambling to pull his pants down. His member pops out as he strips down, he’s painfully hard under your hungry gaze. Yoongi’s hand is on him again, smearing his pre-cum over his tip. Namjoon lets out a low moan as he continues to watch you pump yourself, using him to get off. “You like that, little boy? You like the fact my kitten is getting off to you? Me touching your needy cock?” Yoongi’s breath hot against his neck as he quickened his pace.

Namjoon nodded frantically, his face construed with pleasure. 

“Use your words, boy.” Yoongi snarls.

“Yes, sir. I like that-that kitty is getting off to you- fuck, touching me,” Namjoon cried as you started stroking yourself faster, letting out a loud mewl hine at his confession. The noise is like music to his ears. A loud moan emits from Namjoon, he’s close, and Yoongi can tell as his cock twitches in his hand. He felt his knees go weak, he was gonna come. “I-” Instantly, Yoongi ripped his hand away from his aching cock. He let out cry, his building orgasm quickly leaving him. 

“Get on your fucking knees,” Yoongi sneered, unbuckling his belt. Gulping, he did as he was told. Kneeling before his boss, he looks up as he fists his cock in front of his face. “Open.” His mouth opens on its own, and before he knows it, his mouth is stuff full of Yoongi’s length. Behind him, Namjoon can hear you whimper, slick noises getting louder from you. Both hands on either side of his head, his eyes started to water as the tip of his cock hit the back of his throat. Slowly, Yoogi started to shallowly thrust in and out of his mouth. “Fuck,” he groaned above him as Namjoon tried his best to meet his pace, blinking back tears as his tried his damndest not to choke. 

Your sobs got louder as you continued to fuck your hand, watching Yoongi fuck Namjoon’s mouth; loving the way his cock disappeared between his pretty lips. Your eyes flickered up to Yoongi, his eyes meeting yours. He looks down to the floor, to the spot next to Namjoon. A silent order. Getting up from the bed, you made your way to kneel next to Namjoon, who has become hyper aware of your presence. 

With a grunt, Yoongi pulled himself from his mouth, his hand fervently pumping his cock. He watched as he let out a low sigh as you opened up your mouth, sticking your tongue out just a bit. The sight pushed Yoongi over the edge, as a strangled groan fell from his lips as he came all over your open mouth. Namjoon was hypnotized as you licked up all the cum that fell past your lips. You met Namjoon’s eyes when you felt his stare, giving him a wink before getting back to your feet to whisper something into Yoongi’s ear. 

“Kitten,” he warns you. But you show him that face again, big eyes and pouty lips. He lets in a sharp inhale, “fine.” With a small cheer, you press a kiss under his jaw. “You, on that chair.” Namjoon followed the order, seating himself in the leather chair. “Hands on the arms. No touching.”

He watched with wide eyes as you got on your knees before him. You placed your hands on his knees, red from being kneeling so long. “Wh-what's going on, uh, -sir?” He quickly tagged on the title.

“I wanna suck you off,” you purred, taking his aching cock in your hands. A shiver went down Namjoon’s spine as you kitten-licked his tip. He gripped the arms of the chair tightly, his knuckles going white. As you took him into your mouth, he let out a whimper. Your hands went around the base of his dick, pumping what you couldn’t fit into your mouth. Namjoon was lost in the feeling of your mouth; you were so warm and wet around him. He wanted nothing more than to buck his hips, fuck your mouth the way Yoongi did to him moments ago, but he knew better. He couldn’t touch you, it wouldn’t take an idiot to know that probably fell into the same category as touching.

Your hand slipped a bit lower, fondling his balls ever so lightly. His head fell back, tears pricking the edges of his eyes. He couldn’t look at you, the noises and sensation was enough to make him come; but it was too soon. He wanted a little more time to enjoy this, enjoy your mouth around him. 

“Look at him, little boy. Look at how well my kitten is taking you.” Yoongi ordered, his voice far off from where Namjoon was. 

“N-No, can’t!” He felt a tear slip down his cheek as you started sucking faster, lewd slurping noises filling the room. 

“I said, look at him Namjoon!” He barked, he stepped forward, grabbing the back of his head and forcing him to look down at you. He met your eyes and you were looking innocently up at him, your mouth full of his cock. He felt his gut tighten, he was ready. He was gonna pump your mouth so full of cum-

Once more, his orgasm is taken from him; your lips are pulled from his cock with a sick pop. With a loud cry, he watches as Yoongi tugs you by the nape of the neck, dragging you towards the bed. Namjoon is silent as he's told to leave. He’s stuck to the chair, frozen at what just happened. “Playtime is over, get out.” It’s Namjoon’s turn for Yoongi to grab him by the end of his shirt and yank him out of the door. Tripping over his pants that are still pooled at his ankles, he falls to the floor. The door slamming shut behind him; he doesn’t get up yet. Namjoon just sits there, staring at the door; he can still hear your beautiful whines and moans. For your daddy. For Yoongi. Not for him.

[illegal-spiegel]

Firsts with Kyoya

Pairing: Kyoya Ootori x f!reader Genre: Fluff, vv light smut Warnings: smut at the end. CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP

First Meeting:

surprisingly enough, the way you two met was through his father 

you just moved from America and your dad had business with Kyoya’s 

after meeting you, Kyoya’s dad, Yoshio Ootori, was determined to have you meet his son 

you made arrangements to come back when his son was there, wanting to please your father

it’s hard to do such a thing 

you are an only child and a female 

in America, it would’ve been easier to take over his company

but in Japan? 

it’s near impossible now 

either way, you do all you can to make the man happy  

and if making an arranged marriage with this boy would do that, then you’d do it in a heartbeat 

even if you’d rather marry someone you love

you came back the next day for lunch, sitting at a big table with the Ootori family and your mother and father 

Kyoya was nowhere to be found 

suddenly, you hear a boisterous voice come from outside of the large dining room 

“But, Kyoya! I need help with my Japanese! I also want to use one of those Kotatsu things!” you hear someone shout in Japanese, but with an accent 

you don’t hear a response

instead, you hear a maid softly tell the gentlemen that Kyoya’s family and the guests are waiting in the dining room 

there are then quick footsteps to the dining room 

two maids open the door and in strolls a blond and a raven-haired male 

they both stare at Mr. Ootori before looking around the table 

both of their eyes eventually stop on you 

“Son, you’re late, and you brought a guest,” Mr. Ootori says with a hidden emotion

they are both silent for a moment before the blond speaks up 

“Sorry, Mr. Ootori. I can leave. I held Kyoya up an-”

“It’s alright. Why don’t you both take a seat?” he says in a sugary sweet tone, motioning for a maid to set another place down for the blond 

Kyoya was sat right across from you 

his gaze makes you feel insecure all of a sudden 

“Sorry about being so late. I’ll make it up to you somehow,” Kyoya apologizes to your family 

your father speaks up first, smiling at him as he did so 

“No worries, young man.” 

you could hear his American accent when he spoke 

he then glances at you, expecting you to say something  

your eyes widen at this realization as you clear your throat 

“Oh, uh, yes. It’s quite alright. We were quite early, anyway,” you reassure 

Kyoya gives you both a smile, it seeming a bit fake to you but you weren’t about to call him out on it

“Let’s eat,” his father announces 

from there, you ate in silence and only spoke when spoken to, just like your father taught you

about halfway through lunch, the blond started speaking to you 

he introduced himself and you both started a conversation from there

you couldn’t help to let the serious facade fade and to smile at the boy 

he was very sweet and funny, even if he was kind of loud

you discovered he’s quite goofy 

after dinner, Mr. Ootori offered to show your dad to his office to talk further about business plans 

he instructed his son to ‘entertain’ you 

you, Kyoya, and Tamaki made your way out

“What would you like to do, Miss (L/n)?” Kyoya asks in a formal tone 

you hold back a frown at his tone 

is he always so serious? 

“Let’s go to the garden! I’m sure (Y/n) would like it!” Tamaki basically shouts 

Tamaki offers you his arm, which you happily take

he then leads you to the garden which you did, in fact, fall in love with 

Kyoya was relieved that Tamaki was easily able to entertain you but knew his father would be mad at him if he found out it wasn’t his son who was the one entertaining you

so with that thought, he comes over to you and starts informing you on the different flowers, their meaning, etc. 

you spend some time with the two boys in the garden before hearing your dad’s booming voice

you turn and see your father waiting on you, nodding your head to let him know you heard him

you turn back to the boys and flash them a smile, bowing to them since you read that’s what you’re supposed to do when thanking someone

“Thank you for showing me the garden. See ya later,” you thank before walking away to go over to your father

Kyoya’s eyes follow your figure as you leave, the gears in his mind churning 

First Time Hanging Out:

Kyoya’s father never told him why exactly he had to interact with you so much

“Text Y/n.” “Invite Y/n over for dinner.” “Give Y/n a call.”

and now, he wants him to take you out

his father made reservations for you two at one of the most expensive restaurants in the area, then making plans to go see a musical 

when you saw a limo outside of your house, you grew very nervous 

this felt like a date

but like not a date?

Kyoya was taking you to places that couples go on dates but Kyoya just didn’t really seem interested in you? 

you get into the limo with a smile slapped onto your face, kindly greeting the handsome male 

he greets you before going quiet

he then remembers that he’s supposed to get you to like him or whatever his father said 

so, he strikes up a conversation with you  

you quietly respond as he speaks to you, feeling a little uncomfortable 

about halfway to wherever you’re going, he seems to give up on talking to you 

you feel a bit guilty for not really participating in the conversation but how could you?

he was acting like someone is holding a gun to his head and forcing him to talk to you

you sigh as you stare out the window, your eyes lighting up at the sight 

the sun was setting, making reds and oranges paint the sky

Kyoya notices the look in your eyes, a weird feeling coming up in his chest 

he helps you out of the car once you reach the restaurant, not seeing the expression on your face

the said expression on your face is one of shock 

sure, your dad is a CEO of a company but that doesn’t mean you are insanely rich and get to blow your money on whatever

your dad gave you money when you asked for it 

which is close to never 

as you both take your seats, your entire body is stiff

you felt like if you breathed too much, you’d knock the expensive vase full of flowers off the table somehow 

Kyoya notices your tense state but doesn’t comment on it 

when you’re brought your menus, you try to find the cheapest thing available, which is not cheap at all in your book 

you didn’t even have an appetite anymore 

finally, Kyoya can’t take it anymore 

“Would you like to go somewhere else?” he offers

you let out a breath of relief, nodding your head with a small smile

“Yes, please,” you whisper

he offers a hand to assist you to stand up, you lightly taking it 

once outside, he turns to face you 

“Where would you like to go?” 

you look around before spotting a McDonald’s, smiling as you point it out 

“I want to go there,” you say with a bright smile 

Kyoya internally groans at the sight of the greasy place, wondering why you’d want to go there out of all places 

“Alright. Let’s go,” he says in an almost monotone voice 

you happily lead the way, your stomach growling a bit 

you didn’t really care for McDonald’s all that much but it reminds you of home 

of America 

you order for the both of you and pay before he can even blink 

you lead him to a table once you get your food, giggling at his expression 

“You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.”

he studies the food as you eat a fry, acting as if it’ll start moving 

“It’s fine. Besides, you paid for it,” he says softly, picking up a fry and slowly eating it 

he wouldn’t admit it out loud but it didn’t taste that bad 

you both eat and, surprisingly, have a proper conversation 

you seemed much more relaxed and happy as you ate the fatty food 

Kyoya just didn’t understand you 

after you both finished eating, he told you about the musical 

you agreed to go to that since you changed the food plans 

you go together and you both actually enjoyed it. It was entertaining in different ways 

once he takes you home, you were kind of sad to leave 

he and Tamaki are the only things you have close to friends 

First Dance:

okay yeah, so, normally people don’t dance unless they go to a school dance or their significant other is just that romantic 

but the Ootori’s are far from normal 

they hold some sort of ball every year for some reason or another (you weren’t really listening)

your father made you dress up like a princess

makeup and all (you look kinda like a clown in your opinion. Your face feels ten times heavier)

after knowing Kyoya and Tamaki for a while now, you were all kind of friends now

if you can call it that 

you and Tamaki are for sure

you hang out all the time

Kyoya though? 

you weren’t sure if you could call him a friend 

Tamaki told you that they associate with each other because of a club

Kyoya would have no interest in him if there wasn’t something for him to gain 

it broke your heart to hear that 

Tamaki is such a caring person who deserves the world, in your opinion

he’s been through so much, he deserves to have a best friend 

I suppose he sees you as his best friend 

anyway, you eventually reach the Ootori estate after a boring drive with your father (he kept telling you how to act, eat, walk, speak, blah blah blah)

you head up the steps as soon as the door is open for you, taking in the fresh air with a smile 

 as soon as you get inside, you feel suffocated again 

you wanted to run to the garden, which is where you normally go when visiting the Ootori’s

your father is right behind you though, leading you to the long table piled with food 

you realize it’s because that’s where Kyoya is 

he ‘drops you off’ there before walking away to speak to important people 

Kyoya gives you a nod in acknowledgment before taking a sip of whatever he’s drinking in that fancy glass of his 

you face the table and can’t help but to feel your mouth water 

you’re starving 

your dad is forcing you on this stupid diet to have you be thinner 

‘men like their women thin,’ he said

it made you want to puke 

back in America, he was a pretty chill dad 

ever since we got here though, it’s like there’s a devil on his shoulder whispering all this nonsense to him 

maybe it’s that Mr. Ootori...

you didn’t even realize you’re stuffing your face, literally shoving as much as you can into it, before you feel a tap on your shoulder

you’re still chewing when you turn around, seeing a slightly older gentleman offering his hand to you 

“May I have this dance, Miss L/n?”

you quickly gulp down the food and take his hand with a polite smile 

dad says that you should always accept offers to dance 

you didn’t want to dance with this guy though 

he’s not that much older than you but he’s clearly not in high school anymore 

he also has too much cologne on 

and you just want to stuff your face with those delicious looking Mushi Pan

but alas, you're forced to dance

it seems that a slow song starts just as you step out onto the dance floor 

you’re are about a minute into the song before someone taps on his shoulder, making him pause and turn around 

“May I cut in?”

the guy huffs a bit but nods his head, bowing to you a bit before stalking off 

you bite back a smile as Kyoya takes ahold of your hand and waist

“Didn’t take you as a dancer,” you tease, letting your hand fall onto his shoulder

he hums as he looks anywhere but you as he replies

“I’m talented in many subjects, including dancing.”

you roll your eyes at his bragging, sighing as you look away from him

“That man was a terrible dancer,” he continues when you don’t reply 

you frown at his words, refusing to look at him 

“Reminds me of you trying to cook pancakes,” he teases.

you gasp in mock offense, taking your hand off of his shoulder to hit his chest

“I am great at making pancakes!” you argue, trying not to smile 

a small smile graces his face as he disagrees with you, playful banter being shot between you both 

neither of you realized how long you’d been dancing until his father starts making a speech (apparently he does it every year towards the end of the ball)

Kyoya leads you off the dance floor and back to the food 

“I heard your stomach grumble as soon as you saw the Mushi Pan,” he teases

it’s kinda weird to hear him be so playful 

you lightly shove him before grabbing one of the spongey desserts, taking a bite of half of it and moaning 

“These are literally so good,” you mumble around all the food in your mouth

you were too busy falling in love with the soft yumminess in your hand to realize that Kyoya was giving you the softest look 

okay, maybe he did have a soft spot for you

First Time Giving a Compliment: 

you both are at that phase where accidental touches aren’t so accidental anymore and you’re a lot shyer around him now 

he seems just as confident in himself as always 

so, when he walks up to you while you’re talking to Haruhi and asks you to go to the mall with him 

you’re shocked 

you, of course, agree, trying not to blush

you both head to the mall after the club is done for the day

you both walk around, going into a few stores

neither of you really buy anything 

eventually, Kyoya’s need to shower you in gifts kicks in 

he leads you into a store that he thinks you like and asks what size stuff you wear

you’re embarrassed to tell him things like your pants’ size 

what if he thinks you’re fat?

he doesn’t react in any sort of way really when you tell him 

he then starts walking around the store, picking out things that catch his eye and things he thinks you’ll like 

he then comes back to where you’re standing, admiring a necklace

he hands you a bunch of clothes and tells you to go try it on 

you walk into the dressing room, trying on a pair of jeans and a shirt he picked out 

he’s sitting on a plush chair and looking around when you come back out 

his eyes instantly snap to yours before roaming your body 

he smirks and gives a nod 

“You look good.”

a blush instantly slaps onto your face, biting your lip to hide your smile 

“Thank you,” you whisper

you then scurry back into the dressing room, staring at your reflection 

did that just happen?

did Kyoya Ootori really just give you a compliment?

you silently squeal and jump around happily 

Kyoya watches in amusement as your feet go up to hide behind the door before coming back down to meet the floor 

he can clearly see you fangirling but doesn’t call you out on it

after trying on everything and picking out what you like, you both make your way to the register 

as soon as the cash register says the price, Kyoya is handing over his card before you can even reach for your wallet 

you gape at his card before gaping up at him 

“Why would you do th—”

“Oh, I want to purchase that necklace too,” Kyoya says cooly as he points out the necklace you were eyeing earlier 

“No! We don’t need anything more. Thank you,” you say before the cashier can move

they look between the two of you, trying to decide who to listen to 

“Don’t waste more of your money on me, Kyoya,” you plead, already feeling bad

he sighs before waving his hand at the cashier, nodding his head 

“Alright, that’ll be all.”

you relax at his words, picking up your bag once the cashier hands back your receipt and his card 

you then quickly head for the exit 

Kyoya whispers something to cashier before following after you 

you then quickly lead the way out of the mall, feeling embarrassed and guilty for having him pay for you

Kyoya didn’t mind one bit though 

he’d buy you the world if he could 

First Time Giving You a Gift:

you guessed it 

he went back for the necklace 

and gave it to you for your birthday

your heart didn’t know what to do with itself 

you ended up throwing your arms around him for a hug

he kissed your forehead and held onto you tightly 

this was your first hug 

and man, neither of you wanted to let go 

but alas

you can’t stay in each other’s arms forever 

you tried for a while though before the gang started gagging at the two of you 

you pull away and smile bashfully up at him as you thank him again 

he then asks if he can put it on you 

you hand it over to him and turn around, pulling your hair up 

he slips it between your arms and then pins it behind your neck, his hands coming to rest on your shoulders afterward

you then turn back around with one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen 

“It looks good on you,” he whispers 

he gets like this now 

all sweet and mushy, even in public 

he liked to keep it as private as possible though, hence the whispering

you try to contain your blush, but it’s impossible at this point

“Thank you,” you say again

First Kiss:

okay so 

I’m sure you guessed this as well 

he initiated it 

it kinda surprised and didn’t surprise you both at the same time 

like 

you both had your suspicions that you liked each other (it helped that literally everyone constantly told you both that you are head’s over heels for each other) 

he took you on a date 

and no, it wasn’t at some fancy schmancy place 

it was at night when he texted you and asked to hangout 

you had to sneak out of your house 

and there was Kyoya waiting for you outside your house 

you both were driven around for what felt like ever before finally reaching your destination 

the middle of nowhere 

you made a joke asking if he’s actually a serial killer and this is where he takes his victims to kill them 

he, of course, joked back and said yes, but you are his favorite victim 

you playfully gushed as he went to the trunk (you made another joke saying he’s getting his ax)

he pulled out a picnic basket and a couple blankets 

you raised a brow as you helped him hold some of the stuff, letting him lead the way 

he led you into a field, the grass going up to your thighs 

then, Kyoya steps into a clearing 

you actually gushed this time when you noticed it’s in the shape of a heart 

“How romantic,” you teased as you set the big blanket down 

it’s getting dark outside but you swore you could see a blush dusted over his cheeks 

you set everything up before getting comfortable 

he then pulled all the food out of the basket, making your heart melt (and your stomach growl) 

he made all of your favorites

no, not the chef 

he did 

you gave him a kiss on the cheek before starting to dig in 

you both talked to each other quietly despite the fact that you two were the only ones out there 

you both admired the sun as it sets 

more so you since he was too busy looking at you 

you both stayed out there for hours. Cuddling, holding hands, sharing secrets, all the goods 

at one point, you both had stopped talking and were just staring up at the stars 

you felt eyes on you, making you turn your head to find a pair of brown-grey eyes focused on you 

you blushed as you studied his eyes 

he’s the only one you know with eyes like that 

you couldn’t see his eyes at one point cause he closed them and leaned in, connecting your lips 

your heart lurched into your throat, deciding it belonged there instead of your chest

you both kissed for a moment before pulling away 

you smiled bashfully at him, feeling a blush coming back to your face 

“That was my first kiss,” you admitted softly 

his eyes widened before he relaxed, smiling back at you 

“Me too. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did,” he whispered

you giggled like a schoolgirl at his words, nodding your head 

you then leaned back in and gave him another kiss 

that happened throughout the night 

after he had asked you to be his girlfriend

First Time Having Sex:

(you remember that episode where Kyoya tugs Haruhi onto the bed and like get on top of her?)

(YEAH BRO)

(that shii hit different)

so 

there you two were

casually hanging out with everyone on your little vacation AFTER HIGH SCHOOL AS ADULTS

Tamaki absolutely refused to let you two share a room 

he said you’d be safer staying in ‘daddy’s’ room

Kyoya straight up told him, “Over my dead body.” 

the twins thought it was hilarious 

you ended up getting rooms right across from each other 

you and Haruhi were sharing a room cause “You two can bond!” 

Tamaki and his ideas, you swear 

you didn’t mind though 

it was fun having girly time with Haruhi 

but you wanted to see your boyfriend 

so, once Haruhi fell asleep, you snuck across the hall to see Kyoya 

and there he sat 

looking tall, dark, and handsome 

he had just got out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his torso

and shirtless

cleanup in the doorway cause there’s drool everywhere 

it was then you realized you never really get to see him without his glasses 

he stood up silently, walking over to you 

you flashed him a smile, extending your arms a bit as you waited for a hug which is normally how you greet each other 

that clearly wasn’t what he had in mind 

your eyes widened as he tugged on your arm and forced you onto the bed 

you’re pretty sure your heart flew out of your chest and is now somewhere on the floor 

he quickly crawled onto the bed and hovered over you, staring down at you with clouded eyes 

“Oya?” you whispered your nickname for him, your eyes wide as he just silently took you in 

you hadn’t changed out of your swimsuit yet from being on the beach all day 

you had one of his button-up t-shirts on though, which was enough to cover you up 

he didn’t reply as he leaned down to connect your lips

normally, your kisses don’t last long and are super sweet 

or are passionate and include some groping 

this kiss though? It felt fiery and new and exciting 

you instantly returned it, humming softly 

his hands started to roam, starting at your thighs and ending up on your stomach 

he then lifted his hands to start to undo the buttons of his shirt 

once the buttons were all undone, his hands go back to wandering 

he stopped below your chest and pulled back to look down at you, silently asking for permission 

you let out a shaky sigh and nod of your head 

after experimenting with your chest, he started to get serious 

foreplay lasted for a good bit, seeing as how this is both of your first time doing it together

when it came time to do the actual deed, he pulled away to go to the table he was sitting at previously 

you watched him with furrowed brows, your naked body going cold without his touch 

he picked up his wallet and pulled out a condom, turning to you with a smirk 

you snorted with a raise of your brow, leaning back on your elbows 

“You brought a condom? Confident are we?” you teased 

he smirked darkly as he walked back over to you, standing by the side of the bed as he slipped it on 

“I didn’t bring just one,” he said in a deeper tone than normal 

your face instantly got hot

he then took his time with you 

letting you adjust and making love to you 

he wanted it to be perfect for you 

for the both of you 

you felt like you were in heaven 

though, god was probably frowning at you 

you snorted in the middle of Kyoya pulling out to thrust back in 

“Are you laughing at me?” he questioned with a brow going up to hide in his loose hair 

he didn’t even bother giving you a chance to reply and explain 

he just started going faster, making you forget anything you were going to say 

once you both climaxed, he cleaned you both up before holding you in his arms 

you didn’t mean to fall asleep in his arms

but you did 

the next morning, Tamaki came to Kyoya’s room to wake him up, seeing as how everyone else was already at breakfast except for you and him 

Haruhi said you weren’t in the room and she figured you went to the beach as soon as the sun started to rise since you talked about wanting to go shell hunting while enjoying the sunrise 

he didn’t bother knocking and just walked in 

he yelped in surprise and turned around, getting that famously dark blush of his 

Kyoya had his famous murder gaze as you held him back 

“I swear I didn’t see anything!” Tamaki yells as he takes off down the hallway 

Masterlist 

more with ohshc

[styleiswild]

Interview with Beastie Boys for Machina magazine, 07/1998

By: Rafał Bryndal

Translation: Anna Bak ( @styleiswild )

 -------------

Introduction: The party called Beastie Boys in Lisbon went on for two days. On the first day we (the journalists) were invited to the magical “Kremlin” club to listen to the new album [Hello Nasty]. I don’t think I have to explain how I felt knowing that I was possibly one of the first Polish people to listen to that phenomenal record. On the second day each of us got to meet the band in Hotel Ritz during the so-called “round-table.” It’s like a private conversation with the artists. It looks a bit like a coffee party at your aunt’s. (…) The whole meeting was just as absurd, in a positive way. The answers they gave us were often ironic, as one could expect.

R.B.: Don’t you think that being Beastie Boys is way cooler than being any other band in the world?

MCA: Unfortunately, we haven’t tried being a different band yet. So I can’t really answer your question.

Mike D: To be honest, there’s something to it. Maybe because we have so much fun working together. It’s not always fun, of course. We do work from time to time, but only sometimes.

R.B.: It seems like you work on your albums for fun and pleasure exclusively?

Mike D: I think it’s because we don’t release them that often.

Ad-Rock: Yes… Yes, you must be right, man.

Ad-Rock: Yes… Yes, you must be right, man.

MCA: Hey, we’d released Ill Communication after a two year break.

R.B.: Yeah, but this one took you four years.

MCA: Yeah, we had to level it out. It takes us three years most of the time.

R.B.: You grew up together. Are you always on such good terms with one another?

MCA: Sometimes there’ll be tripartite fights. Not sure you’ve ever seen what it looks like when three people fight each other. Each of them against the other two. That happens sometimes. Rarely, though. To be honest, we don’t really argue much.

R.B.: Your new album seems a bit like a departure from The In Sound from Way Out!

Mike D: Hello Nasty is a collection of a dozen or so songs, each of them stylistically different. That’s why you can’t really compare it to our previous releases. I guess, though, that at least two of the songs would’ve worked well as instrumentals on the previous album.

R.B.: How do you deal with the new technologies in music?

Mike D: Technology is present in all genres today and you can’t run from that. Music evolves largely thanks to the new technology. Especially hip hop music. We do it like the true rappers do, which means we start with a drum machine, then we put it on a loop, and then we use digital delay system. That’s one of the newest inventions. Technology is unpredictable, because people – who are its creators – have no clue about what the artists can do with it.

R.B.: Is it true what they say on the internet? That this album is the first one of the three that you’ve recorded lately?

MCA: You’ve really heard about that?

Mike D: Gosh, you can’t keep anything secret today.

Ad-Rock: Three? To be honest, we’ve got many more albums recorded.

Mike D: The last one of the three is a country album. The genre is so popular that you can’t really keep such a record a secret anymore. Especially when you’re in Manhattan and you walk around in a cowboy fit, it’s suspicious as hell. Because there aren’t many cowboys in Manhattan. People see a guy in a cowboy fit and assume that he has to be working on a country album.

R.B.: Is it really so important for your clothes to fit the style of your music?

MCA: You identify with your music more when you dress up. People often cheat, they wear clothes that don’t fit the music they play.

R.B.: So what kind of clothes did you guys wear when working on Hello Nasty?

MCA: I wore a bat girl costume.

Ad-Rock: I dressed up as a scared woman.

Mike D: I’d wear a bathing suit, because I wanted to go swimming all the time.

Ad-Rock: We couldn’t really find what we were looking for at first. We tried on a range of fits and finally found those that went well with our music.

R.B.: You’ve been popular with skateboarders. It’s a group of people who wear unique clothes and listen to a lot of your music, as it seems. Do you identify with this subculture?

MCA: I don’t think it’s just that one subculture. There are a few more we’d like to identify with.

Mike D: For me it’s long gone. Skateboarding isn’t much of an extreme or exclusive kind of sports discipline anymore. It’s become very popular.

R.B.: You’ve worked with Lee “Scratch” Perry on the new album. Can you tell me what kind of benefits did that bring you?

Mike D: It’s hard to say, but we’ve always been pretty impressed with his work on dub music. He’s also inspired Mario Caldato, our studio engineer. For me, Lee is an artist of science, a living fucking legend.

R.B.: Do you think that you can inspire young musicians?

MCA: Sure, but that’s a normal thing, right? If music is evolving as a part of culture, then everything and everyone inspires that process. We’re happy that we can be a part of that culture to some degree.

R.B.: A lot of white kids have gotten into rap music thanks to “Rhymin’ & Stealin’.” At least that’s what happened to me…

MCA: As a white kid… Right, it’s hard to be a black kid in Finland.

Mike D: We discovered hip hop when we were thirteen or fourteen. We’d go and see Public Enemy and bands like that. We were totally enchanted. It’s not that weird that kids who listen to us want to do the same thing.

R.B.: Some people say that you don’t like it when other artists sample your music. Some say that you’re more liberal, though.

MCA: It all depends on how the sample is used. If it’s creative, then we’re here for it. But if they go and copy our own ideas, and the whole track revolves around that idea, then we’re obviously pissed off.

R.B.: Are you as satisfied with making music as you’re with your magazine and your record label?

MCA: It’s all really about creating something new, publishing the mag, recording albums or playing gigs… We’re really into humanitarian work, too. Sure, the music is the most important thing of all. Nobody knows where it comes from, it’s hard to define the process of making music. It comes from subconsciousness.

R.B.: I’ve heard that you were to make a movie based on your “Sabotage” video?

Mike D: Unfortunately, that’s not true.

MCA: It doesn’t change the fact that we’re planning to make a movie…

R.B.: About what?

MCA: You can actually watch it in the cinema already, because Spice Girls had stolen our screenplay and made it their own.

R.B.: In the 80s there were a lot of humanitarian aids, like benefit concerts during which quite a lot of money got lost for a very simple reason. Those actions were organized on such a grand scale that it was nearly impossible to control the funds. Aren’t you scared that the same thing can happen to your organization?

MCA: Free Tibet is there to help people find out about the issue and educate them on it. The money that we get helps us organize the Tibetan Freedom Concerts. It’s not like those other actions from the past that were strictly about collecting funds.

R.B.: Do you believe that the bands you invite to play consider the gigs something more than simply another type of self-promotion?

MCA: I feel that most of those artists are really moved by the issue we’re trying to bring to people’s attention.

R.B.: You’re fighting for free Tibet, while recently it’s been 50 years since the State of Israel was formed. And Palestinians are fighting for their rights to be respected. Why have you taken on Tibet and not Palestine?

MCA: Tibetans’ fight is based on the idea of non-violence. It’s a peaceful fight. The contrast between the brutality of the Chinese government and that quiet fight of Tibetans does make an impression, and that’s why we’re popularizing the ideas behind the Tibetan struggle. We believe that the non-violent, peaceful act is the only logical way of dealing with the issue.

R.B.: Even if the peaceful fight ends up leading to the extinction of Tibetan culture?

MCA: The same thing will happen if Tibetans decide to use violence as a means to gain their freedom.

R.B.: Is it true that your music is banned in Hong Kong?

MCA: That’s right. We can’t play there. Our albums can’t be sold on their market. All of the bands playing for Milarepa are banned from performing in China.

R.B.: You’ve met Dalai Lama on several occasions. Does he like your music?

MCA: Dalai Lama doesn’t listen to pop music at all. Lots of bands give him their CDs. He takes them because he doesn’t want them to feel bad, but he won’t give them a listen.

Ad-Rock: That’s why he stores so many demos at home.

R.B. What is Dalai Lama like?

MCA: He’s fantastic. He’s a great role model, representing all of the values people associate with Tibetan culture, with Buddhism. He’s got great charisma. He oozes calmness that comes from the respect he has for everyone.

R.B. What’s his opinion on Tibetan Freedom Concert?

MCA: He thinks it’s an excellent way of spreading his word. For him, the concert is a kind of holiday.

R.B.: As far as I know, you have a slightly different view on the future of Tibet. He wants to negotiate with the Chinese government about Tibet’s legal right to autonomy in China, while you fight for total freedom for Tibet as a sovereign country. Is that true?

MCA: It’s related to his view on the type of fight. He’s so scared of any form of violence that he’s ready to negotiate with the Chinese government. He’s choosing the lesser of two evils, that’s what he’s doing. We’re in a completely different situation, though. As American citizens, we want to speak with our government about freedom for Tibet. We believe that Tibetans should be free and we want to encourage the government to take action to help Tibetans gain autonomy.

R.B.: The “Sabotage” music video was unique and quite shocking. Are your new clips going to be equally as original?

Ad-Rock: It’s gonna be some good shit.

MCA: We had lots of fun working on it. The “Sabotage” video had a lot to do with the song, though. Our new clips won’t have anything to do with the songs. They can be treated as independent short features. We plan to make a couple more totally different clips.

R.B.: You’ve been a band for so long that you must be best friends and not only, let’s say, collaborators. Can you please describe one another?

Mike D: Adam Horovitz is, to use basketball terminology, the play maker. He shows us how we’re supposed to play because he’s the one in charge of the balls. Sometimes he can’t score from a distance, though. Adam Yauch, on the other hand, is a very unusual power forward. His style is completely devoid of aggression, unlike Karl Malone’s. Or Charles Barkley’s. He can dull his opponent’s vigilance with his slow moves and get all the points.

Ad-Rock: Mike is an idiot and a thief. Yauch is a liar. I’m as cool as James Bond.

Mike D: Some people might say that we’re CSC. Crazy Sexy Cool. And that’s what we wanna be.

R.B.: Can you explain your record cover? You’re in a tin and you look like sardines.

Mike D: Doesn’t it sound pretty? “Sardine tin”? It’s almost like a big surprise. You open the tin and it turns out that people’s lives are similar to the life of sardines.

MCA: Maybe this album was recorded by sardines and you’re now talking to them? Who does know?