#are you ace challenge - I forgot to talk about my thoughts on sex in this asjdkhf

[eustasskidagenda]

Hi, I dunno if it's the case or not, but maybe u have some pegging HCs for Sanji, Kidd, Law & Ace, I'm so obsessed with this kink orz. Tyyy! Anon or not, I don't mind.

Hello! I must admit it was quite challenging to write this, because I never thought about how they would act in this situation. I tried not to detail that much for Kid bc I also have to write an OS with Kid+pegging and I'll develop more of my thoughts in this fic. Anyway, I hope the result will match your expectations, thank you for requesting. ☆

☆Pegging HCs for Sanji, Kid, Law & Ace

CW : g/n reader, MDNI, smut, pegging, Kid is cursing obviously, oral sex (Sanji receiving), rough sex, gentle sex, hair pulling, rimming (Sanji, Law receiving) , fingering (Sanji , Law,  Ace, receiving), slight dirty talk, praises. Let me know if I forgot something

WC : 1,9k

Sanji

Well, it's Sanji we're talking about. As long as you don't ask him a threesome with Zoro or to inflict you any kind of pain, he's willing to try and do everything for the sake of making you smile. He doesn't care about what people think and say.

Please, don't go for the biggest size, he has never done that before. He will choose it with you, just to make sure it’s the perfect size. He's likely a little agitated because he's a huge soft boy, but it's fine, he trusts you. 

"Are you sure the door is locked?" 

There's no way for him to be caught.

Sanji is fond of holding your hands, kissing you softly, and looking at you with pure adoration in his eyes, even when he's rough. He expects you to do the same. Take your time to explore his entire body. Kiss his neck, run your fingers through his hair, feel the softness of his hair, and squish on his nipples. That's what causes shivers to run down his spine.

Prepare yourself to hear the most delightful moans and whines when you begin to stroke his cock while rimming and fingering his hole. Sanji is a whiny mess; he just can't control how good it actually feels. His cock is hard, almost painfully hard as he praises you for the good job you're doing. 

If you ask him, he prefers to see your face and eyes, but if you want, he doesn't mind being on all fours or whatever. 

Please let him rest on his back, with his beautiful, strong legs wrapped around your waist. He will ask you to hold his hand, fingers tightly entwined as you start to push the dildo  covered of lube inside him. Imagine him moaning loudly with completely red cheeks as he indulges in a whole world of new sensations. It feels so good, he can't help but start begging for more, harder, and faster. The feeling of your skin against his, your wet kisses, gentle touch, and firm grip on his legs or hips is too much for this poor man. "Plus fort, je t'en prie." (Harder, please) Will come fast and hard.

During the aftercare, you have to keep him back from running into the kitchen to cook something for you. Just hold him tightly and hug/praise him for how good he was. He needs reassurance and to make sure you had a good time too.

And then, he'll run into the kitchen anyway.

Kid

Kid is not against pegging. He's being portrayed as a punk, and punks like nonconformism. So maybe the society is not really open-minded about pegging, but Kid doesn't give a damn. If he wants to do something, then he'll do it. He doesn't believe in gender roles. 

However, Kid cares way too much about his reputation and he knows it could ruin all his notoriety, so he really has to trust you to let you peg him. It will only happen after a certain time in your relationship because Kid is slow to both open-up and offer his trust: he has been betrayed so many times, he's just unable to take his guard off immediately.

You better take the bigger size, he's not a pussy. If you try to choose a normal or less size, he's so pissed off. "You really think I can't take it? Ugh, fuck off, I won’t do it."

It doesn't matter if you're pegging him: he's still the same stubborn hot-headed mess. If you give him an order, he'll get mad. You should use your hands to gently guide him if you need him to spread his legs or roll onto his stomach because words won't work. Like "Kid, please spread your legs" And his only answer is an angry scowl and low grunt. But if you use your hands then… he’ll comply.

And let's say the view is quite interesting, because Kid is named Eust-ass for a reason. His booty is incredibly juicy. It's a gift to see his beautiful body being offered to you. He probably prefers lying on his back because he rarely uses his robotic limb in bed. It's easier to stay still or just breathe if he can remain on his back.

"Ugh, I don't need lube, nor rimming, nor fingering, I'm not a wimp"

He’s a liar. Please use lube.

Kid is the king of low grunts, growls, and shaky breath whenever he fucks you. If you peg him, if it feels too good, maybe you'll hear him moaning. Moans that are really low and husky.  Do not dare make a comment about his moans, or you'll never hear them again.

He likes rough sex, so go ahead and bite him or pull on his hair. He will secretly enjoy it. As he loves leaving marks on your body, he also likes when you do the same. But do not dare to humiliate him by calling him a good pet, slut, or whatever because it is not okay in his book. No one can humiliate him and if you try, the mood is just ruined. Do not try to control his orgasm or whatever. His only answer would be to show you his manicured middle finger.

If you start to praise him for how amazing his ass is or how well he's taking you, he gets totally flustered. If he's lying on his back with his hair spread out around the pillow, you can take a look at his red cheeks in embarrassment. "Shut up."

When he's all flustered and flushed, he's so cute. He's just not used to being praised, so he doesn't know how to react.

Regardless, rest assured that he will enjoy every second of this moment. He feels nervous at the end because he can't help but overthink the idea of being betrayed. Just reassure him and he'll let you rest your head on his chest.

And sure, he'll make sure to fuck you hard later. Whatever you give it to him, he will give it to you harder.

Law

Well, Law is a little more complicated. Sure, he's not totally against the whole idea, but as Kid, he's really slow to open up, and winning his trust is not an easy task. Of course, he knows where his prostate is. He's not stupid and is perfectly aware of how the anatomy works. He's literally a doctor. But that doesn't change the fact that he's aloof and distrustful. 

The first time you talk about your fantasies of pegging him, it's too sudden and off guard, so the answer is automatically "no." He can't take a decision without taking some time to think about it. After that, he becomes somewhat suspicious. To take things slowly is the best thing you can do. Don't rush him or he won't accept.

The idea will slowly but surely make its way through his mind. Of course, you don't know what's going on in his mind. 

(If you wanna know : he's searching for the perfect dildo without telling you anything.)

One day, you're in bed together and he suddenly shows you the dildo he bought. "Hey, y/n-ya, do you still want to try this thing called pegging?" 

He is secretly hoping that you forget about your fantasies.

When you say 'yes', he thinks he's totally doomed, but it's fine. He's willing to at least try. 

Law is completely flustered if you ask him to lay on his back. He will always turn his head to avoid crossing your gaze. Imagine him with soft red cheeks. And if he is on his stomach or on all fours, maybe he will feel a little more comfortable and relaxed because you can't see his reactions. Despite this, he's also nervous because he's unable to closely observe what you're doing. And this man is so stressed, he likes to have the control all the time. 

"Don't forget the lube y/n-ya.", "you know, even if it's a toy, you have to put a condom on" He can't help but guide you. He must feel in control even in this situation, otherwise, he will overthink and you will never be able to enter even one finger inside him.

Ho honestly wants to 'room, shambles' and disappear while you trace his tattoos with your fingers, pinch his nipples, and leave a trail of hot kiss along his happy trail. Law is always tensed and stressed, so he needs a lot of gentle touch to relax enough. The best thing you can do for him is to suck his cock while fingering him, or even rimming. He's so embarrassed, but it feels good. He can't lie.

When you finally enter him, he doesn't moan or grow, he's all about low, deep, husky breaths. It feels good, the toy is hitting his g-spot with each thrust. The moment you glance at him, he wants to bury his head under the pillow. His hair is messy and he is beautiful, with his eyes flashing of both annoyance and pleasure. 

"Does it feel good to be fucked in the ass?" 

Law.exe has ceased to function.

He's going to end up with his legs wrapped around your waist, pressing his feet against your back to force you to move faster and harder. You can sense his legs shaking with pleasure. If you play with his nipples or stroke his cock, it's over, he won't hold back.

Again, he's so embarrassed with his belly covered in his own semen. He just wants to disappear. And he would never admit he loved every single one from this moment. 

If you want to peg him again, you'll have to take the initiative. 

"Ugh fine, y/n-ya, we can do it again." He'll pretend to be doing a great favor to you (he's a great actor).

Ace

Ace, like Sanji, is willing to try almost anything for you because he's a sweetheart. Actually, the only problem is that he doesn't know what 'pegging' means. His first reaction is to ask Marco what it means, as he doesn't want to look foolish in front of you. As soon as he knows, well... 

"Hey y/n, you want to peg me?" Out of nowhere, in the middle of the dinner. He's impulsive, he can't keep his thoughts to himself, so hey, deal with it.

No matter what you ask, he will do it. But don't choose the biggest size because poor Ace can't figure out how something that big could fit inside his body.

Ace is playful, so what's going to happen is not a big deal for him. He wants to laugh with you while you put your strap on, and will make random comments while you thrust your fingers in and out his ass. "Remember when I burst into flames the first time we fucked? Hope it won't again."

Damn, you hope as well.

He's a cutie with his freckled cheeks completely red.

As your figure looms over his body, he can't help but think you're absolutely beautiful. He feels so lucky to have you by his side and to feel comfortable with you. How could a good thing happen to him? He is not worthy of you. His eyes are filled with pure admiration and love for you. And a spark of amusement, obviously.

Loud moans, he doesn't care if he's being noisy. Hair is totally messy on the pillow. Shaking legs and shaky breaths.

His voice is beautiful and soft as he moans.

If you give it to him harder, his cock will remain painfully hard.

Of course, he is capable of controlling his DF, but the sensations are too unfamiliar and overwhelming." Whoops, I burned the bedsheets" with a cute laugh. That was your favorite bedsheet, but you can't be mad at him, he's so adorable.

Will ask you the permission to cum because he's a good boy. 

And totally willing to be pegged again. 

Ace's goofiness will make Marco know everything. "Marco, I did this thing called 'pegging' and it's amazing. Have you already given this a shot? You should try!"

Poor Marco, leave him alone, he cares about his privacy.

[writtenbyjeanofarc]

— Johan Liebert - NSFW Alphabet —

Discussion

Alright, so I finally made the decision to take on this challenge and put my creativity into work while making this.

Note that I am not very good with headcanons since I suck at character analysis myself (I lack basic comprehension skills).

I’m just relying on my luck hoping there’ll be people who can relate to these headcanons of mine.

Though I don’t consider Johan to be big or standing out on the topic of romance and sex, it wouldn’t hurt to explore how he’d be like if he ever succumbed to these feelings.

I headcanon Johan as aro-ace, but since sex or having sexual thoughts/fantasies are a part of human nature, I wanted to write this in the RARE scenario where he succumbs to these feelings.

Perhaps someone strikes his fancy in order for him to give two fucks about them—to a point where it starts to affect him physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The possibilities are endless.

So without further ado, here’s the NSFW alphabet indeed, and if Johan is quite OOC here, don’t mind it. I forgot most of the things that happened in the show anyway.

NSFW under the cut!

NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I personally have this headcanon that after sex, Johan is a pillowtalker at heart. By definition, pillowtalking is an act of exchanging private conversations, intimate and deep ones. Especially in bed.

When he’s not manipulating someone to committing suicide using guilt, he spends his time communicating with his partner about what he likes (and dislikes) about them, or what he feels about the world. He’s being fairly honest with how he feels, though he masks it as something humorous and lighthearted, but still frightening to his partner.

No, he doesn’t have dark humor, but he’d be the type to talk to you about something controversial and ask your opinion of it. Scenarios like that.

If his partner fell asleep afterwards, he would leave a short letter indicating that he catered to what they needed before leaving, and for some reason, write light possessive content that have this “I’d kill for you” type of vibe.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His and their eyes. The eyes are basically a window to one’s emotions. Johan has high emotional intelligence, and can see through how people feel. Granted, he usually doesn’t feel guilt or remorse for manipulating orphans, so he’d probably use your eyes as an advantage to target you.

Also, this may be OOC, but hands. He doesn’t connect with many people besides his sister and Dr. Tenma, so being able to “connect” his body to yours mainly has to do with hands. He’s not big on physical touch, but at the rare moment, he probably is touch starved like any other human being would be, and will usually be the one initiating it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His cum is pretty thin compared to other thick liquids that come from other men.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He collects a stash of mementos (that remind him of his person of interest) to jerk off to. He’s personally fond of keeping memories and storing them in a secret drawer with a lock so people won’t be able to access them. He’s quite possessive in a rather soft way.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I personally think he has little experience with sex. He doesn’t yearn for someone physically that easily, considering he isn’t easily swayed by external advances like seduction and flirting. Instead, he’d manipulate them back.

That being said, he might be a virgin.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I’m sure whatever his partner wants goes. But if there was something he’d normally go for, it would be missionary. (I know, it sounds vanilla as fuck)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He keeps it balanced. He can be humorous when they’re trying things out, experimenting.

But when he’s close, I’m sure he gets serious in a rather calm way, murmuring sweet nothings on his partner’s ear as he’s about to bust a load of nut from deep within.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He isn’t one to be conscious about body hair, but imo he does shave in case something between him and the person of interest happens. He doesn’t keep a purely shaved cock, however, perhaps just a quick trim.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s not very romantic in a sense, but he occasionally dabs in with emotional support once in a while.

I personally thought of the “I was born to smother you with flowers” line and thought….maybe he could actually have a knack for sweet nothings and charming little messages, verbal and written.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He starts jacking off slow and gently, but it soon evolves into something slightly rough in rare cases. Though he isn’t a rough, brute man with no manners, his patience can get tested if he doesn’t come faster.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I don’t know if stalking is considered a kink but if it is then he has it, with his role being the stalker in this case.

Other than that, he doesn’t have much interest in unusual sexual situations making him quite vanilla.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In his house, or his partner’s house. If he’s feeling lucky, then the library.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

People’s psyche.

Analyzing his person of interest is what turns him on, what makes him feral and craving for more.

The urge to manipulate and guilt trip drives him crazy to the point of wanting to ruin them, emotionally and sexually.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Being touched, kissed, or held without consent.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He mainly prefers giving, even though he doesn’t have much experience and skill. Just like how he initiates conversation smoothly, he’d be able to carefully analyze what you want, and give it to you based on your body language (he is very good at analyzing people’s thought and emotional patterns).

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual. Anything fast, stiff, or aggressive turns him off.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Johan doesn’t like them. He likes to take his time dissecting an individual if he ever plans on sleeping with them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is game to experiment and take risks, but does it with precise control over his emotions. He doesn’t raise his voice and lash out if something goes wrong, but will do everything in his will to fix things.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He personally goes for one to two rounds. Not because he lacks the stamina, but because he grows bored and doesn’t feel the need to pursue or fulfill his sexual needs. His sexual needs don’t last, and are very fickle. He can be subject to not continuing if he gets tired.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Personally, I don’t think he has the interest to pursue buying a toy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Expect him to tease you in every way possible. He’ll edge you completely without regret, testing how much you can take before you can just give in and cum at his will.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He moans softly like a young man would, since his voice is pretty high-pitched. He gasps on the occasional note, even going as far as to scream like that scene where he fainted in the library.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He enjoys whispering filthy things to his partner’s ear, mostly backhanded compliments and talking about threatening them playfully. He enjoys adding fuel to the fire even when it’s highly unnecessary given the situation.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Basically nothing much, except for a boner that arises when aroused at a mentally stimulating situation.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Usually low. He doesn’t yearn or crave for sex like how I stated in the beginning, mostly refusing advances out of the many people who fancy him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Barely. He would rather continue doing other things like reading a book, sending an e-mail, but he isn’t the type to sleep right after as he prefers to keep an open eye on his person of interest.

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now — Ch. 4

Fic Masterlist

I couldn’t wait until Thursday to post under a prompt for Aelin Week, so be ready for a surprise by then hehe

P.S. this chapter is my baby be nice to it

Edit: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THIS HELLSITE ILY @aelinchocolatelover [plays parabéns da xuxa softly in the background] ❤️💛💕💓❤️

Warnings: light NSFW, language, swords, let me know if I missed something

Word count: 6,1k (Oops!… I did it again)

The only sound Aelin could hear was their heavy breaths and the AC running.

Rowan was draped over the couch by her side, head tilted up and naked as the day he was born. The way his pecs flexed and glistened because of his post-orgasm heavy breathing and sweat was absolutely maddening.

Aelin’s fingertips were about to become calloused from the amount of times she ran them over his rock-hard abs.

It became a routine, pretending she was leaving base like everyone else at the end of the day, then turning around when no one would notice. She didn’t know if Rowan was always waiting for her or if he just enjoyed working until late. Aelin didn’t care. What mattered is that he was always at his office right after her classes were done, and she would always take advantage of it.

Aelin darted a glance at the watch Rowan kept on his wall. It was almost 11 pm.

She should’ve gone home to rest after having classes until nine, but Aelin was attached to this office like a magnet. Or to the man who stayed here. Rowan always had her so lost in his current Aelin often forgot she has a boyfriend waiting for her most days. Dorian didn’t seem to mind, though. With them having an open relationship, he was never lonely.

Around the third time Aelin came to Rowan’s office, there was a drawer with a lock and condoms inside. A short while after, he brought a small, but extra comfy couch, perfect for a post-orgasmic haze.

Aelin didn’t mind having sex on desks and walls for 10 weeks if it was with Rowan, but she liked this additional little touch.

It would be still the best sex she’s ever had, Aelin thought.

She hummed in delight, thinking about the way he tore her apart minutes ago in this couch.

Rowan lazily turned his head, making his gaze fall on her. What’re you thinking? His curious green eyes seemed to ask her.

“We still have time for a round three.”

He chuckled. “Insatiable.”

That single word sent a spark through her spine. Aelin had never been shy in bed, but things with Rowan were different. More intense. Something about him made her absolutely unleashed between these four walls, like wind spreading a wildfire.

They didn’t talk much, though. Too hungry for each other in the beginning and too tired from the day in the end, the only time they’d talk was between rounds.

“You’re not gonna wish me good luck?”

Every recruit needs to do a physical test by the end of their basic training, and Aelin’s would be tomorrow morning.

“You don’t need it.”

She grinned. “Because you trained me so well?”

Rowan did that thing where he tried not to smile, but the left corner of his lip tilted up anyway. “I think that goes without saying.”

“I disagree.” Aelin bit her lip, eyes full of mischief.

“Is that so?”

She nodded. “I need more cardio.”

Rowan said nothing, but his eyes sparkled with the challenge. He got up from the couch, then laid on the ground for a second before bending his knees and elbows to raise his shoulders and hips.

In less than 10 seconds, the bastard got into a perfect yoga wheel pose.

“Show off,” Aelin grunted. His grin was so smug she wanted to punch it.

“Hop on.”

Aelin’s eyes widened. “You want me to ride your dick like this?”

“You said you needed cardio.”

The squat work she’d have to do fuck him like this. With nothing around for her to support herself. After fourteen hours of boot camp and two orgasms.

“Absolutely not!” She shrieked.

One look at her face was enough for Rowan to chuckle, the echos of his amusement not stopping while he smoothly landed on the floor.

Aelin’s shoulders relaxed in relief, but something dawned on her. Was Rowan Whitethorn teasing her?

“Not funny.” She crossed her arms. “Get back here. And stop showing off. You’re not even the yoga type!’”

“That’s prejudiced. Why am I not the yoga type?”

She squinted her eyes at him, but the bastard was still grinning. He knew she thought he wasn’t the yoga type because he’s a burly brute.

He shrugged and sat back on the couch by her side. “I go to a class on Sunday mornings. My roommate joins me when he’s not too hangover.”

I could go with you. The words were in the tip of her tongue, but Aelin held back.

She knew her place in a man’s life after fucking for 10 weeks without even being asked on a date. And she was happy with it. Rowan was an incredible fuck buddy, and she had a boyfriend already to take to yoga classes. But like Rowan’s roommate, she didn’t know if Dorian could stay a single Sunday morning without being hangover, either. Or still at a party.

Who liked yoga, anyway?

Trying to erase her own thoughts, Aelin turned to straddle Rowan in one swift motion. She did her best to not let her self-consciousness show. She had been exercising like crazy, but didn’t seem to lose any weight. In fact, she’s been feeling bloated for a while now.

Fuck, Aelin really needed to stop thinking.

Rowan began trailing kissed down her neck, making her softly moan and search with her hips for his hardened bulge.

“I want to fuck you here. No yoga shit.”

Aelin didn’t see it coming, his hand slapping her ass so hard it sent shivers through her body. The hand on her hair slid to her throat, gently squeezing it again when he commanded, “You take what I give you, and you’ll like it. You hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” Aelin whimpered, and then moaned when he slid his cock between her folds to press against her clit.

It was so good it could be a crime, the way Rowan made her feel. How he knew exactly what to say in bed and every trick to make her scream.

Right now, this was exactly what she needed.

˜˜

Aelin kept telling herself that today’s test was a given, and that she could endure worse than this. Dorian kept telling her that it’s okay to be and act nervous before her test.

Truth was, fighting him and insisting she wasn’t edgy was very effective at distracting her from the real thing. Now that her boyfriend was waiting outside while she waited for her second physical test in the Air Force, it felt a lot more real.

It consisted of two parts, some bureaucratic blood tests and tox screens and then being cleared to do the actual test.

Aelin was on a row with the other people from her class, entering the room where it was going to happen, when someone stopped her.

“Wait there. Galathynius, right?” The flat and rough voice came from Captain Salvaterre, the coordinator of her program. He frowned at the clipboard and wrote something down before looking back at her. “You’re not cleared to do the physical test. You’ll get more info via email later.”

Aelin didn’t move. Eyes widened, mind blank. What the fuck just happened?

“Bye, Galathynius,” Salvaterre dismissed her.

“Wait,” Aelin blurted, mind still short-circuiting. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. Don’t care either. The doctor didn’t clear you to do the exam, and now you’re holding up the line.”

Her eyebrows squished together. Why would the doctor do that? “Can I at least talk to them?”

“Look, I won’t let you bother the doctor just because you smoked some weed or whatever and got caught.”

“Excuse me?” Aelin hissed.

Salvaterre sighed. “Most people that fail this step do it because of the tox screen. I don’t give a fuck about what you do on your free time, just don’t bother the doctor over this shit. It’s done.”

“What? I don’t do drugs!”

He didn’t look convinced.

“I mean it.” Aelin raised an eyebrow. “I could be dying. I could die right now without knowing what’s wrong.”

Salvaterre rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

She followed his instructions to where to find the doctor, her mind racing all the time. Since it was their mistake, maybe she could reschedule the test. Sure, Aelin had been feeling tired and drained all the time, but it was because of her exhausting training. Apart from that, she knew she was on her prime. This was surely a mistake.

Aelin knocked three times at the door and went inside before the doctor could tell her to come in. If she did it fast enough, maybe there could be time for her to rejoin her class and do the test.

The doctor was a kind-looking older woman. Files, probably everyone’s exams surrounded her, but she looked calm in the middle of that chaos.

“Oh, hello, there!” She grinned. “How can I help you?”

She shook the doctor’s hand and rushed to sit on the chair in front of her. “Hi. My name’s Aelin Galathynius. I didn’t get cleared to do the physical test, so—“

“I’m on it.” She quickly found Aelin’s file and smiled when she opened it.

Aelin frowned. What was she smiling at?

”I couldn’t let you go in there, dear,” the doctor explained, “These tests are ruthless, especially when you’re new. All your exams look great, but it’s too physically straining and risky for any pregnant woman.“ She smiled. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Wait. No. I’m going there. What in—“

Wait a fucking minute

Did she say pregnant?

Aelin cleared her throat. “There must be something wrong. You’re sure this exam isn’t someone else’s?”

The woman handed her the paper, jaw dropped. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—“

“Holy shit,” Aelin interrupted, not really caring about anything else right now. Too stunned to remember that she was cursing at her soon-to-be workplace.

Her eyes were frozen on the same few lines.

PATIENT: AELIN ASHRYVER GALATHYNIUS

BETA HCG QUANTITATIVE

TEST VALUE: 91350 mIU/mL

P.S. POSITIVE

What the actual fuck?

Aelin just stared with a slack jaw, eyes glued to the paper.

Dorian had a vasectomy, and she only had unprotected sex once this year. Way more than once actually, but all on the same evening. Does Rowan have a vasectomy? Is he the vasectomy type?

For the first time of her life, Aelin cursed herself for not keeping good track of her period. She just marked the first day she bled on the app and forgot it existed until the next month.

Aelin snatched her phone from the purse, frantically opening the period app.

She felt the ground falling underneath her feet.

There were signs everywhere telling her period was late. Months late. The most neglected app on her phone had been trying to tell her the most important thing of her life for months.

Aelin sighed and held her head in her hands, trying to make sense of something she already knew was true. Her last period had been almost three months ago, a little before her unprotected sex with Rowan, at the very beginning of her training.

She cursed math for never lying.

Getting up, Aelin snapped a picture of the exam and gave it back to the doctor, mumbling a thick “Thanks, good morning.”

She walked that familiar path with no destination in mind. Aelin had nowhere to go now that she wasn’t doing the test. She tried to process this, but wasn’t processing nothing at all.

She was pregnant. Baby. Diapers. Cries. Big, big belly. Milk. Milk and money, actually. Babies required milk as much as they required money.

Money wasn’t an issue. At least Aelin was a doctor.

If she was keeping the baby, Aelin thought, but soon brushed it off. She wanted this. Twenty-seven isn’t too young to be a mom, right?

Fuck, she’s going to be a mom. No, not fuck. Good. This was good news. Scary too.

She also needed to move out. Uncle Orlon and Darrow never wanted kids, raising her and Aedion after Aelin’s parents died was enough on them. She didn’t want her kid to be a burden.

Her and Rowan’s. Way to go, being knocked up by a brute she barely knew.

Rowan did not look like the nurturing dad type, at least not by the way he acted around his students. Aelin cringed. Would he be too hard on her kid?

If he wanted the kid, she couldn’t forget. There was a good chance he won’t want the baby, considering that: (a) he’s a man, (b) their history, or lack thereof.

A hand wrapped around her elbow, making her jerk and go stiff.

It was just Dorian, though. Looking around, it looked like her aimless wandering led her to the room she left him in.

“That was quick,” her boyfriend said. “How was it?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“We need to talk,” Aelin blurted.

She pulled a confused-looking Dorian to his car until they were seated with the doors closed. She showed him the picture of the exam and waited for his answer. And waited. And waited until she was wriggling in her seat, trying to get a better look at his dumbfounded face.

“Wow,” he breathed, and turned to face her. “What are we doing about this?”

We.

That word alone almost broke her heart.

“You know it’s not yours, Dor.”

“It’s Hot Lieutenant’s?”

Aelin nodded.

He had a small, sad smile on his face. “But we’re a team, remember?”

She swallowed, chest constricting. God, this was hard. Aelin already knew what she had to do, but it didn’t make it any easy.

“We are, but this isn’t a quick fix. It’d mean no quiet time, no free time, vomit all over your expensive furniture…”

Dorian took a deep breath. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

Aelin nodded, clamping her lips together. “You don’t want to change your entire lifestyle for a kid that isn’t even yours, Dor.”

He didn’t answer. Just nodded, resigned. They knew they weren’t the one for each other, but that didn’t mean they wanted to break up now. The situation required, though. Aelin’s relationship with Dorian was based on fun and friendship, and throwing a baby in the mix wasn’t a good fit. Besides, he didn’t want a kid. He has a vasectomy for a reason.

Dorian cradled her face with both hands, looking her deep into her eyes. “I might not be your baby daddy, but I’m going to be the best damn uncle this kid will ever have, okay? I promise.” He brushed off a few rogue tears from her face. ”I love you, Aelin. Whatever happens, you’re not alone.”

Her hands wrapped around his torso, not caring that she was dampening his designer shirt with tears. “I love you, Your Magnanimous Holiness.” She felt his chest faintly shake with what would’ve been a full laugh any other time. “You’re still my best friend.”

Dorian kissed the crown of her head. “I better be. You’ll always be my best friend, Ace.”

They stayed a long time like this, Aelin taking deep breaths while he hugged her and played with her hair. It was nice, even with the bittersweet mood that lingered.

˜˜

Aelin woke up at her actual house this Saturday morning, which was odd. She usually spent weekends at Dorian’s, and even if they decided to stay friends after the breakup, she needed time alone to think.

She was pregnant.

Her first trimester flew by, and she had missed every single sign of it. Sure, she was feeling tired and had some cramps, but these were a few of the things she was shrugging off and assuming it meant something else. But Aelin knew better now.

She had so much to figure out it was making her dizzy, so her only goal this weekend was to not freak out completely.

One thing at a time, like her old therapist taught her.

On Monday, she’d make an appointment at the OBGYN and tell Rowan. Just find him on base during lunch or after work and rip the band-aid off, no expectations.

Aelin was giving her damn best to calm her heartbeat and not think about what would happen after that.

The smell of barbecue dragged Aelin out of her room, and hopefully it’d be a good distraction from all this.

Everyone was chatting in the backyard. She didn’t know when Aedion got here, but he was sitting with Uncle Orlon and Philippa, the housekeeper, while Darrow manned the grill.

Her heart squeezed to see her family like this. She wondered how much it’d change, after Little One was here.

“There she is!” Aedion beamed. “I thought I’d only see you at dinnertime, Ace.”

“Overslept.” She shrugged, feeling her stomach getting queasy just to think of the reason she stayed in bed more than usual.

“Is Dorian coming today?” Philippa asked. “I made that berry pie he likes.”

Aelin swallowed. It’d be easier to get this over with, so she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and announced, “Dorian and I broke up.”

The uncomfortable silence and everyone looking at each other without knowing what to say didn’t last long.

“Oh, thank God.” Uncle Orlon’s shoulders dropped and he sighed in relief. Aelin gaped, mind blank for a second. When he read her expression, he continued, “What? I like the kid, but he’s too unserious for you, Fireheart.”

She sagged back in her chair. Aelin wanted to argue, but her uncle was right. She always knew Dorian wasn’t the one, even if she enjoyed their relationship.

“What did he do?” Aedion snarled, arms crossed while he carefully studied his cousin.

“He didn’t do anything.” Aelin took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to drop. “We broke up because I’m pregnant.”

The only sound was her cousin squeezing his beer can with his hand until it was completely crushed, its contents spilling onto the table.

“He did what?” Aedion hissed through his teeth, and it was only then that she noticed everyone was intently looking at her, their faces somewhere between concern and something murderous.

Oh, fuck. Aelin really had a way of putting her foot in her mouth sometimes, didn’t she?

“It’s not his!” She blurted before anyone started overreacting. “Dorian’s not the father.”

“Oh, honey.” Philippa’s eyes were soft, understanding. “Did you cheat on him?”

“No. Hmm.” Aelin scratched the back of her head, feeling her whole face flush. God, this wasn’t a conversation she’d like to have in a room full of old people. “We weren’t exclusive. We could see other people while dating each other.”

Aedion didn’t seem impressed, but Orlon’s eyes were bulging out. Darrow was carefully silent.

“Is it a new kink?” Philipps wrinkled her nose. “Being cheated on.”

“It’s not like that!” Aelin groaned while holding her face with both hands.

“Honey…” Orlon took her hand, brows furrowed with concern while he struggled to say whatever he was thinking. “Do you at least know who the father is?”

“Of course I do!” She blurted, cheeks flaming as she dropped his hand. Aelin wasn’t easily embarrassed, but discussing her sex life with her great-uncle was not on her bucket list.

Everyone was silent, waiting for her to drop this piece of information.

“I haven’t told him yet. I’m not sure you know him, but promise you won’t say anything?”

Everyone nodded. She took a deep breath.

“It’s Lieutenant Whitethorn.”

“WHITETHORN?” Darrow screeched. “ROWAN WHITETHORN?”

Aelin froze. They did know him, after all.

Darrow ran inside the house and Orlon went after him, always the peacemaker. All things considered, she was thankful they didn’t have any guns, even though they could for being in the military.

“At least he’s hot,” Aedion acknowledged around a bite of garlic bread after a small stretch of silence.

Aelin groaned. “You know him too?”

“We did basic training together, and I think he went to Darrow’s section right after. Cool dude.”

“You’re not mad?” She eyed him warily.

“I’m happy for you, Ace. I will go for his head depending on what he says to you, though.” Aelin snorted. That sounded like her cousin. He continued, “But I need a cute niece or nephew to impress the ladies.”

“You are not using my kid to pick up women.”

“Not any women.” He leaned back, a lazy grin on his face. “MILFs.”

Aelin was about to say something about how disgusting her cousin was when a loud noise interrupted them.

Through the window, she could see Darrow holding a sword the military required them to have for some special ceremonies. Orlon was holding his own by the door, probably telling his husband to not threaten Rowan with it.

Considering that Rowan most likely also had a sword and definitely lived somewhere in this same village, she wouldn’t put past Darrow to find him and actually start a sword fight.

Aelin got up from her chair, ready to stop this nonsense. That’s the problem with her family, it’s full of overprotective men. They even have the medieval weapons, for Mala’s sake.

˜˜

Aelin clicked on the side button of her phone just once, to stop ringing.

“Do you want to take it? I can come back in a few,” The waitress asked.

“No need. I’ll have two of today’s specials, a diet coke and a non-alcoholic beer, please.” Aelin forced a smile.

On the table, her phone still showed a picture of Rowan and their daughter together, their smiles so big it was almost blinding. On the bottom of the screen, the choice to still take the call or refuse it altogether.

When it went off and he didn’t call again, Aelin let out a long breath.

Her relationship with Rowan got a lot more pacific after his trip to the hospital. It lasted less than two days.

Something eased inside Aelin’s chest when her cousin stomped inside the restaurant while looking for her. Aedion had many skills, but he had never been exactly a graceful person, Aelin mused with a small smile when he accidentally bumped his hip against one table.

They were on their lunch break, and while meeting at the restaurant nearby was nice, doing it for the third time this week was not in Aelin’s plans. At least not when she could eat for free at the Air Force’s mess hall.

But she would never deny lunch to her hurting cousin. Besides, Elide texted her saying they were serving fish today, and it wasn’t good. The food at the mess hall was a box full of surprises. It could be anywhere between unbelievably good and absolute shit.

“I see you’re still avoiding Kyllian,” she prompted.

Aedion didn’t answer, and he was saved by the waitress coming with their drinks. He and his now ex-boyfriend had been on a rough patch these last few months, and Kyllian being called upon to relocate to Mistward was their last straw. Apparently, Aelin would be helping her cousin avoid his ex at base until he moved.

“Seriously, Ace? This tastes like shit.” Aedion grimaced at his non-alcoholic beer.

“I’m not letting you get back at work drunk. And it’s on me today.” Aelin eyed her cousin warily. “Only because you look terrible.”

That damn ringtone started playing again. Her phone was on the table, so both Ashryver cousins stared at the picture of Rowan and Maisie. She pressed the side button again.

“You’re not gonna answer that?” Aedion asked.

Aelin squared her shoulders. “I’m already answering that, by silently telling him to give me space and respect my boundaries.”

“It could be important.”

“It’s really not.”

Aedion rolled his eyes and swiftly snatched her phone from the table. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

He hummed and nodded for a few seconds, then turned to Aelin. “Rowan wants to know what you packed for Maisie’s lunch today. He called in the morning to remind you she had a tummy ache yesterday, but you didn’t answer.”

Aelin ground her teeth together. Like she wouldn’t remember her own daughter was sick. What kind of mom did he think she was?

“Tell him to fuck off,” Aelin spit out.

Aedion sighed. “She told you to fuck off, man.”

Her cousin hummed again, then his eyes lit up and he perked up. “That’s so cool! Wait a second.”

He asked Aelin, “Did you read his texts about soccer classes?”

She gripped her diet coke with a little too much force, trying not to snap at her cousin. Aedion winced before Aelin even opened her mouth, reading her too well.

“I don’t think she wants to talk to you right now, man.” A pause. “Speaking about soccer, do you wanna watch the game on Sunday?” Aedion frowned and leaned back on the chair. “Come on, man, you have to. You know I’m on a post-breakup slump.”

Whatever Rowan told him made Aedion gape. He turned to Aelin. “You didn’t tell him Kyllian and I broke up?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not friends with Rowan, Aed. We only talk about Maisie.”

Aedion sighed, said goodbye and promised to text him about Sunday’s game.

After he gave her the phone back, her cousin said, “I don’t know what happens between you and Rowan that makes your relationship so bad.”

Aelin ground her teeth together, refusing to answer.

He wouldn’t have it, though. “He’s a good man. An even better dad. Your family loves him. For someone who got pregnant out of a hookup, you did pretty great, Ace.”

“Can we change the subject?”

He drew in a long breath and let it go. Anyone close to her knew The Rowan Conversation was absolutely fruitless.

“I vote for soccer.”

Oh, great. He stopped talking about her least favorite subject of all time, introducing this week’s least favorite subject.

“Thank God you’re not her parent, then.”

”Ouch.” Aedion held a hand against his chest in mock-offense. “I’ll be a great dad.”

She snorted. “You’ll be a pain in your kids’ ass.”

“Take it back!” He exclaimed, gaping.

“Don’t you dare forget how you scared away every boyfriend I had in high school!”

“I was saving your sorry ass from those assholes, that is.”

This time, Aelin gave him a full laugh. She was kind of a dipshit magnet during her teenage years, her cousin wasn’t completely wrong about that.

He continued, “I think Rowan is the only guy you dated that I actually like.” Well, that was a way to sober up the nice mood she just got in. Aelin glared at her cousin. Knowing what she was about to say, Aedion rolled his eyes and held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, you two never dated. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” A pause. “I promise I’ll drop this, but I’m curious. Is there anything wrong with soccer practice, or you’re just picking a fight?”

“I don’t pick fights for no reason.”

Aedion raised an eyebrow. She frowned at him.

She did not. All of her fights with Rowan were absolutely unavoidable.

Aelin shrugged. “Soccer’s lame.”

“Stop lying.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not crazy about it, but you like soccer.”

Aelin wanted to punch that know-it-all expression out of his face.

He didn’t move, waiting for her answer.

She squinted her eyes at him.

He looked absolutely unimpressed, keeping eye contact until he won that battle of wills.

“Fine,” Aelin grumbled as she roller her eyes and sagged in her seat.

“And?”

“I’m too cool to be a soccer mom.”

Aedion barked a laugh, head tilted up before he looked her in the eye again. “You’re joking, right?”

“I’m really not. Have you seen those soccer mom tiktoks?” This wasn’t nearly as funny as her cousin thought.

“You’re okay with putting your body through excruciating pain and cleaning explosive diarrhea, but you draw the line at becoming a soccer mom?”

“Yes.”

He guffawed again, now drawing the attention of the people from the surrounding tables. Aelin just sat there, trying not to smile at her cousin’s dramatic reaction and waiting for him to come back.

Her grin widened when the waitress came with their lunch before she got hangry. Aedion could be absolutely insufferable sometimes, but he deserved good company.

Aelin cleared her throat. “Did you buy a new washing machine?”

His broke down this week, and Philippa kept complaining about Aedion’s lack of laundry skills over and over after the one time he washed his clothes at Orlon’s, two days ago.

“Nope, I’m trying to fix it again tomorrow.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Like when you ‘fixed’ your ceiling fan and now it only works with the lights on?”

He stuffed his mouth with food and refused to answer.

Aelin continued, “You need to stop finding random things in your house to fix and find another boyfriend. Or girlfriend, whatever. You’re pathetic when you’re single.”

“YoU’rE pATHeThIc wHeN yOu’RE sinGLe,” Aedion mimicked with a high-pitched voice.

She rolled her eyes and set an alarm for when her lunchtime would need to end. It might be an Ashryver thing, but it was really easy to lose track of time when she had so many things to bicker about with her cousin.

˜˜

The floor was so shiny Aelin could barely believe most of the people inside this building were kids.

It better be, she thought when she remembered the price tag that came with it. Maisie better go straight to college after finishing preschool, because it was really hard to believe Aelin and Rowan were paying that much for their kid to learn letters and count to 20.

She took a deep breath. Aelin would pay as much as she could if it meant her daughter wouldn’t be yelled at. This was better than the Air Force school, even if was a much longer drive from home.

After last week’s incident, Uncle Orlon told them to file a formal complaint and let him deal with the rest. By the look on his face, Lieutenant Valg would not go unpunished, and this was enough. Aelin couldn’t do anything more without facing consequences because of her rank, so now she wanted to focus on the present. Which now meant Maisie’s teacher, that she was about to meet.

She heard hurried footsteps on one side of the hall and thanked Mala it was Rowan.

He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not too late, am I?”

Her eyes zeroed on what he was wearing, though.

“Seriously? You didn’t even change out of the uniform?”

“I don’t have a whole team of co-workers ready to cover for me,” Rowan sneered.

Yes, he did. He swapped schedules with Fenrys all the time.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “It’s not like your job is hard.”

“Excuse me?” He snarled.

“And you don’t even do it well! There’s so many ways to torture a eighteen-year-old, and you choose push-ups? Seriously?”

They heard a loud throat clearing and whipped towards the sound. It was a brunette holding a binder, wearing a long dress and sneakers.

“You’re Maisie’s parents, right?” She shook both of their hands. “I’m Borte Arcas, her teacher.”

It was like Aelin’s whole face was lighting on fire. Of all the ways this introduction could’ve gone, being caught mid-fight was not one she hoped for.

They didn’t get the chance to properly meet the teacher the day they enrolled Maisie here, this Monday, because her daughter was only supposed to get to know the school. But when Mais saw her cousin through the class’ window, she walked in without asking and decided she was staying. Just like that. Later that day, the teacher sent an email introducing herself, leaving her phone number if they needed anything, and inviting both of them to meet on Friday, after she got to know Maisie a little better.

And there they were, sitting side by side in a large office while Ms. Arcas turned the AC on in front of them.

“Do you need anything?” She asked. “Water, coffee, cappuccino…”

“A cappuccino would be great.” Aelin gave her a small smile.

The teacher turned to Rowan. “You?”

“Just water, thanks.”

After everything was settled, Ms. Arcas spent some time getting to know them before discussing Maisie. She was getting more comfortable with the class each day, loved story time, took part in group games. It was good for the ego, hearing the teacher talk about her daughter this way. Not that Aelin didn’t know already that her daughter is awesome, but her chest was bursting with pride right now.

Mais was only a little behind on reading compared to her classmates, but Ms. Arcas said this isn’t a big concern yet because every kid has their own timing.

She closed the binder with Maisie’s info. “There’s only two more things I wanted to discuss...” she bit her lip. “This week, during one activity, Maisie said that her favorite drink is wine.”

“What?” Aelin blurted, feeling her cheeks redden and Rowan’s shocked gaze on her. “It’s not! It’s…” one deep, long breath followed by a nervous smile. She was going to kill her daughter.

“Sometimes Maisie sees me drinking wine. Not every day, and not too much, really. Just a glass.” She grimaced. “Maybe two. Anyway.”

Aelin scratched the back of her head, wondering if she was digging a hole for herself. She didn’t care about what people thought of her wine habits, but wanted to make a good impression on Maisie’s teacher.

She continued, “Sometimes she asks to drink too, it ends with huge meltdown, so one day I gave her grape juice and told her it’s wine. She loves it. We sip together.”

Rowan’s head whipped towards her, eyes wide. “You lie to her?”

“You give her fruit and tell it’s dessert,” Aelin argued.

The teacher cleared her throat again. Loudly.

“Sorry,” they mumbled under their breaths.

Ms. Arcas looked at her watch. “I just need her to not influence other kids to drink ‘wine’. The last thing I wanted to talk about before we wrap this up…” she took some sheets of paper from the binder and spread them on the desk between them.

“Maisie seems pretty fond of drawing.”

“Especially on my walls,” Rowan said between a small smile. 

The teacher nodded. “Have you tried to analyze them?”

Aelin frowned. “We do that thing where we comment on them so she feels seen.”

“That’s really good.” Ms. Arcas nodded, brows furrowed. “But some drawing of her really brought to my attention—”

“Is this her riding a dog?” Aelin took one sheet of paper from the table to examine it closer.

Rowan scooted closer, frowning. “I think it’s a unicorn. Look at the horn.”

Aelin sighed affectionately, heart warming just to see her daughter’s drawing. “She does have an artist’s soul, doesn’t she?”

Rowan smiled. “She’s a little Picasso.”

Ms. Arcas watched their interruption with a polite smile before continuing, “You know, kids draw about what they see, so sometimes the drawings tell us a lot about what’s going on inside their heads. So I brought these she made this week…” the teacher reorganized the drawings, placing most of them back in a pile and putting another few in evidence.

“These are…” Aelin tilted her head. The sticky figures looked a bit scary in them, but she couldn’t quite place what was wrong with them.

“Every time Maisie draws you two together, you seem angry. This one, for example,” Ms. Arcas explained while showing them, “You both have your mouths open, hands up. And do you see how big you two look? You’re taking most of the page, while Maisie herself looks very tiny here in the corner.” 

Aelin felt like time stopped, her entire world freezing and narrowing down to that drawing.

It couldn’t be.

Maisie knew that she and Rowan weren’t friends, but she wouldn’t have picked up that much, right?

“As you can see, this hostile environment is a recurrent theme. I talked about it with Maisie, though is not uncommon to see kids drawing such things,“ the teacher went on, “But I think this might be a reason to that delay in her reading skills we talked about.”

“You told us it’s normal,” Aelin insisted, defeated yet defensive.

“It is for some kids, but it also could be related,” she softly explained.

“So, you mean…” Rowan looked down, furrowing. He rubbed his likely sweaty hands against the front of his pants before looking back at the teacher. “I’m not sure I’m following.”

She gave him a weak smile before confirming, “I’m just letting you know that Maisie is aware of your hostility towards each other, and it may be affecting her performance at school.”

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[reyeslonestar]

Hey, so I've not-so-secretly been creeping on your blog for a while now (it's pretty rad) and just now noticed that your Ace. When and how did you know? Sorry if that's too personal. I think I might be, but I'm not sure.

hi there! thanks, glad you’ve been enjoying my chaos :)

that's not too personal for me, but thanks for checking. this got long though, so I'll put most of it under a cut.

I was about 14/15 when I really started thinking about my sexuality and I played with a few labels for a while - originally I used bisexual or pansexual cause I felt the same way about all genders - the same way being a general disinterest. I find that a lot of different people of different genders are very beautiful, I have certain tastes and types, and I feel appreciation for physical appearances and also for personalities, but sex just wasnt something that I thought about, or felt like I wanted.

(something I do find is that once I get to know someone I struggle to hold their appearance in my head - thinking about them incites more of an emotional/instinctive reaction of how I feel about them rather than their appearance, but I reckon thats more to do with how my brain works than my sexuality)

I had a friend in one of my classes when I was 15 who was really clued up on a wide spectrum of labels and what they meant and she shared them with me, and when she explained about asexuality and demisexuality I was like: huh. didn't know you could be that.

after that I used demisexual as a label for a while - I thought that because I still felt libido that meant I couldn't be ace, so I must be demi, and also I suspect that I felt a certain level of internalised aphobia that meant I was scared to (in my mind) be 'undateable' because I wasnt interested in sex, and if I labelled myself as asexual, then no one would be interested in me, whereas demisexual felt like I was still 'desirable' or something. idk.

internalised queerphobia. hell of a drug.

anyway, demisexual was the right term for me at the time, but the more thinking I did, the more reading/research I did, the more internalised bullshit I unlearnt, and also the more secure I became in myself not needing a partner to be 'whole', the more I felt comfortable using asexual to identify. I started using ace to identify from about 16 or 17, because that feels like the best match, and it's been the term that I've understood the experiences of the most. I also use queer a lot, because even now I sometimes still question myself, and if nothing else I know im queer, and it can save a lot of explaining that frankly I don't owe anyone. although I seem to give off incredibly queer vibes so I dont need to tell most people anyway.

I guess my point here is that labels exist to help you feel comfortable, but dont feel as though theyre set in stone. they can evolve as you understand yourself better, and it doesnt matter how long you've been using one label if you feel another may make you feel better.

[hwangsbbg]

Just a kiss - Yangyang

Synopsis : Yangyang and reader are best friends and they end up going further than just kissing in an attempt to check their kissing skills

--------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm not watching that movie another time" Yangyang complained as the two of you made your way to your house. It was a tradition for him to sleep over every Friday night and for you guys to do a movie marathon.

"But its a classic" You whined as you saw you were a couple steps away from reaching the front door.

"A classic we've watched literally a hundred times. Can't we watch one of my movies instead" He replied watching you open your front door.

"We can watch one of your movies, and one of mine. And if we can't get along on the last movie we can just play video games" You walked in your house, immediately making your way to your room.

"Are your parents not home?" He asked considering we'd always be greeted by them as soon as we entered the house.

"My dad travelled for work yesterday and my mom is visiting her parents. I told you this like ten minutes ago" You rolled your eyes.

"I forgot to listen" He grinned at you, following you into your room where both of you set your bags on the side of your room.

"Did you finish your homework for the weekend or are you gonna end up copying on me" He practically jumped next to you on the bed as he watched you remove your shoes, doing the same.

"I finished it during my free period this time" you replied, proudly, as you removed your cardigan, throwing it to the other side of the room.

"Wow! For once! You deserve an applause" He dramatically clapped for you. You rolled your eyes playfully.

"I'm gonna take a shower, you can go in after if you'd like" You walked towards the door that connected your room to your bathroom.

"Or I could always join you" He laughed making you laugh as well. You shook your head at him playfully before finally going in.

You finished rather quickly and when you were out you realized Yangyang was missing. You called his name while putting on a new pair of underwear and an oversized shirt he had actually given you.

"I'm coming! I'm grabbing some snacks" He replied from the kitchen as you set up the movie you wanted to watch on Netflix.

Yangyang walked in with a tray full of snack and grinned as soon as he saw the shirt you were wearing.

"You're wearing the shirt you stole from me" "You gave it to me" "Yeah after you wouldn't stop stealing it" He laughed, setting the tray on the table next to your bed and jumping in the bed next to you.

"Aren't you gonna take a shower" you questioned.

"Oh yeah" He remembered. You laughed as he stood up making his way to the bathroom. A few seconds later he walked out, shirtless.

"Can I use your shampoo" You definitely heard him, but your eyes were more focused on his bare upper body that was displayed before you and you couldn't think of anything else.

"Wh-What" "can I use the shampoo" he repeated his question, smirking at you.

"Y-Yeah of course" You finally managed to look up at him. He laughed at your reaction before walking back into the bathroom.

You laid down on the bed, quite embarrassed, making yourself comfortable as you scrolled through Instagram, waiting for him to come out and start the movie.

You were so focused on your phone however, you completely forgot about Yangyang who walked out of the bathroom and walked in on you laying down on your phone with half of your ass exposed by your shirt that had been lifted up.

He coughed a little trying to get your attention, and it worked, however you had no idea about your situation and you simply looked at him smiling.

The thoughts that crossed his head at that moment were far from innocent, certainly not the kind of thoughts you would have about your best friend.

When you turned your head, you noticed he was only wearing a new pair of pants but his abs were once again on full display and it was turning you on in ways you couldn't imagine.

You hadn't had sex ever since you broke up with your boyfriend last year and to say you were beyond sexually frustrated is an understatement. To add on to that you have an incredibly good looking man standing shitless in front of you. What would you expect.

Your eyes trailed up from his abs to his eyes to see he was staring at your ass and you quickly sat up, laughing nervously as he copied your actions, laughing as well.

"where's your shirt" You asked him as he took a seat next to you on the bed.

"I tried to put the AC on when you were showering and it isn't working, it's way too hot inside for the shirt I brought" He explained making you nod in understanding.

"I bet Talia would love to see you like this" You Spoke after a while, remembering the quirky girl who dared come up to you and tell you to back off of Yangyang.

"What do you mean" He looked genuinely confused which made the situation quite comic for you.

"You know Talia right?" "Which one" "The skinny brunette one with the green eyes" You explained and he instantly understood who he was.

"High heels Talia? The one who tried failing maths so I could tutor her" "Yeah! That one! She told me to back off her man because she thought we were dating"

"What did you say" He was almost dead laughing. "I told her I've done some things with her 'man' she couldn't even think of" You laughed seeing him become all read and remembering how she stormed off after hearing that.

"Why would you say it like that" He laughed even harder. "Because I was tired of her always thinking I'm 'stealing you away from her' and I mean we have done some pretty crazy things.. just not what she's probably thinking" you explained.

Yangyang shook his head at you playfully making you give him a suspicious look. You wouldn't dare believe it but you had to ask him.

"Why.. are you like into her" you didn't mean to make it sound so mean but it just came out that way.

"Why are you jealous" he teased you, laughing at your reaction. You frowned in response.

"Come on! You're the only girl in my life! You know that" He tackled you into a bear hug, holding you tightly before letting go. During those few seconds you managed to catch a strong whiff of your shampoo and body wash and you realized how he was shirtless and had to force your mind away from inappropriate thoughts.

"Ok but I also have a confession" He spoke up after a couple of seconds of silence. "What did you do" knowing Yangyang, he was capable of the craziest of things and him saying that scared you.

"I kinda did the same thing you did with him" Yangyang admitted, shocking you.

"What!? When? How? Where? Why?" you had so many questions. He gave a nervous laugh before explaining.

"So I was walking to my locker and he came over to me and asked if I had seen you. I told him yeah but I wasn't going to tell him where you were. Then he told me he just wants to explain himself"

You shook your head. He had cheated on you. What was there to explain. You stayed quiet however and let Yangyang continue his story.

"I told him there was nothing to explain and he said I had no business in this and asked me why I was even putting myself in you guys' business. So I told him I have my reasons. And he asked me if we were dating or fucking and that it had to be one of those" he paused.

"What did you say" you asked. You were aching to know the rest.

"I told him why not both and he got super pissed and left" Yangyang admitted making you burst out in laughter.

"You told him we were sleeping together and dating" You couldn't believe what you had just heard.

"Yeah. I mean I thought he would have realized I was lying considering you could sense my sexual frustration from miles away"

"Not at all Yangyang, if anything you give off playboy vibes" you replied making him blush a slight red color.

"No but seriously I mean with that smile and those abs, you have like half of the girls at school chasing after you" You didn't even realize your hand was on his thigh until you met his eyes and saw him looking at it.

"Sorry" You bashfully apologized. "It's okay" He breathed out.

"Anyways, why would you give off sexually frustrated vibes. Don't you like.. touch yourself"

Yes, it was quite an awkward conversation but you guys didn't mind talking about things like this and that was a great thing in your friendship.

"I mean yeah, but it's not the same thing as having sex" he replied as if it were something you should have known.

"But didn't you hook up with Violet at the party last week" "She tried to hook up with me but I didn't want to"

You were quite confused considering Violet was considered one of the hottest girls at school and he was sexually frustrated.

"So I haven't had sex in like five months" "I haven't had sex in like a year! I don't know why you're complaining" you rolled your eyes at him.

"That's cause you didn't want to. Every guy at school tried hooking up with you as well. Your ex boyfriend spread the rumor that you were a great kisser but even better in bed"

"Yeah I heard the rumor. It's not false so I didn't bother saying anything" you shrugged.

"So you're saying you're a great kisser" "Well I'm not denying it" "I bet your not as great of a kisser as I am" Yangyang teased you making you laugh.

"I could show you" You spoke jokingly but noticed the serious look on his face.

"I was joking" You made it clear before you saw him smirk and speak up.

"I bet you I'm a better kisser than you" he challenged you. Only he knew his true intentions and how competitive you could be.

"Bet on what Yangyang. Twenty bucks" You sparked up at he thought of the new challenge.

"Ok but if I win you have to grant my three wishes" he replied. You nodded, sure you weren't going to lose.

"But how do we test this, do I have to kiss one of the girls you kissed because they all suck to be honest" you spoke making him chuckle before replying.

"I mean it's just kissing we could just do it together and see for ourselves". You raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged.

You obviously wanted to kiss him, all betting aside, so it didn't take much for you to agree. As soon as you replied with a 'yes', he moved his hand to rest on the bed, at your side and leaned in to kiss you.

It was a really soft kiss and it made your head dizzy. You hadn't been kissed like this in so long. Your lips moved together softly before he pulled away.

"I don't think we can determine who's the better kisser from just that" you used that as an excuse to continue doing what you were doing previously.

Yangyang smirked, kissing you once again, this time more passionately. You changed position, both kneeling on the bed without breaking the kiss.You could feel his hands, one of the back of your neck and the other around your waist.

He licked the bottom of your lip, asking for entrance. You teased him, denying it to him, wondering what he would do next.

He completely surprised you when he let his hand trail from your waist to one of your ass cheeks and squeezed it making you yelp and allowing him to enter his tongue.

He grinned into the kiss as your two tongues danced together, Yangyang taking the lead and dominating over you. You didn't mind his dominance though, you found it hot. Hot to the point where you could feel your underwear slowly getting soaked.

You let your hands rest on his abs as the kiss continued on for a while longer before you pulled away.

"Wow, the rumors are soo true" He let out, quite out of breath making you giggle.

"I didn't even show you half of what I know" You smirked, proudly, as you saw him bite his lip. He definitely wanted you as much as you wanted him.

"Can you show me more in that case" He asked. You smirked.

"Only if you admit I won the bet" "Who the fuck cares about the bet at this point" He replied. You couldn't agree more. Things were definitely not going to be the same after tonight.

You pushed him back so he was sitting on the bed before climbing up onto him, straddling him. Without wasting any time, you reattached your lips to his, instantly inserting your tongue in his mouth and letting it be guided by his tongue.

After a few seconds you pulled away, stared at him and reattached your lips to him, only this time to his neck. He let out a clearly involuntary moan as you sucked all over his neck and softly grinded on him.

You could clearly feel his member growing in his pants, right under you ass. You felt bad for the poor thing that wanted to break free from the clothes he was locked in. He grabbed your ass with both hands and began rubbing on it making you curse in pleasure.

You looked up to see Yangyang biting in his lip hard as you continued sucking on his neck. You moved your ass a little to grind into him again, making the both of you moan out of pleasure.

You made your way back to his mouth, reattaching your lips as you felt his hands trail under your shirt. You felt him smirk into the kiss as he discovered you weren't wearing a bra.

"Were you expecting this" He pulled away, biting his lip. "No, I just don't see the point in wearing a bra in my own house. Don't feel too special" You giggled, reconnecting your lips.

He let his hands play with your breasts under your shirts, squeezing on them before taking both nipples and squeezing those too.

You let out a rather loud moan, not really caring considering nobody else was home at this time.

He pulled away, tugging at your shirt and within a few seconds it was on the other side of the room. You watched him lick his lips before flipping you over so that you were laying in the bed with him on top of you.

"Fuck.. you're fucking hot" he praised you, attaching his lips to your neck this time as he grinded his erected member right on your core that was only covered by your panties.

"Fuckkk" you both moaned as he continued kissing all over your neck and collarbone before he began moving down, grabbing one of your nipples with his hand and taking the other in his mouth.

He sucked and licked around you, enjoying the sounds of your moans before moving to the next one. He reveled in the fact that he was the one making you feel this way as he continued kissing your lower stomach all the way to your panties.

"You might be the better kisser but you've never seen what I can do with my mouth" He smirked as he pulled away.

You looked at him in shock. Was he seriously talking about what you were thinking.

"Please show me" You weren't going to bother lying, you were desperate to see what he could do with his mouth beside speak a ton of language and say the weirdest shit.

"You don't even have to ask" he kissed between your thighs making you shiver in excitement as he neared closer and closer to you.

He reached towards the waistbands of your panties, using only a few fingers to pull them off and toss them next to him.

"Holy fuck" He groaned, wasting no in attaching his mouth to your core. He first kissed it, sending an intense feeling all through your body before he licked between your folds.

"Oh fuckkk Yangyang" you moaned as he continued licking up and down before he thrust his tongue in your hole making your knees buckle in pleasure.

He reached up and began rubbing on your clit as he continued thrusting in and out with his tongue. Your loud moans only further encouraging him.

You felt heat pool up in your stomach as he used his other hand to play with one of your nipples.

"Ah.. fuck.. I think I'm gonna come" you let out in short breaths and he sped up his actions. He removed his hand that was rubbing on your clit but it didn't matter as he went deeper with his tongue making his nose rub against your clit.

You reached your first orgasm and it was nothing less than pure bliss and your entire body shook.

You watched him smirk in satisfaction, admiring your naked body and replaying the orgasm he caused in his head.

"Can you take anymore babe" You don't know where the nickname came from nor did you care. It sounded so fucking hot and you felt so desperate for him. And you knew how he felt too.

He stood up, giving you he perfect few of his member that was clearly very hard inside his sweatpants.

You licked your lips, making your way over to him and helping him remove his sweatpants along with his boxers, finally freeing his hard on from the prison it was stuck in.

You stared at his impressive size before slowly grabbing hold of it. He let out a small groan at the feeling as you began to pump on it.

"I would return the favor but I really want you inside of me right now" You loved hearing his moans but you couldn't wait any longer.

"Fuck- if you keep saying things like that I won't be able to control myself" "I don't want you to" you replied making him chuckle in response.

"Shit- I don't have a condom" he groaned in frustration before you spoke up, announcing you had one.

"For surprises like this" you spoke once again after seeing the eyebrow raise he gave you. He opened your bedside drawer and was surprised to see all the different types of condoms you had stored in there.

"You just keep them in here knowing your parents could see them" he looked at you in confusion.

"My dad never comes into my room and my mom gave me these" You watched as he scanned over the different sizes before picking up a large one. Seeing his size, it didn't surprise you.

He ripped it open using his teeth and easily rolled it on before positioning himself at your entrance. You moaned, feeling only the tip enter you as your whole body was once again overwhelmed with pleasure.

"Fuck babygirl" he unconsciously let the pet name slip as he grabbed on to your waist, pushing further inside of you until he was fully in.

"Fuck Yangyang" you moaned loudly as he began moving slowly inside of you before he started picking up his pace.

"F-faster.. please" you managed to let out as he went even faster than before and your moans became more high pitched and frequent. You were already nearing your orgasm.

Your hands went to his back, before the rested in his shoulders and he hit your gspot with each and every thrust.

"Ugh.. I'm close babygirl" you could feel him twitching inside of you as your walls clenched around him and, like he had announced, he came.

He continued thrusting though until the pool of heat in your stomach spread to your entire body as you also released for the second time.

He rolled over, laying on the other side of the bed as he tried regaining his breath while you did the same.

"I can't believe that just happened" You would have never guessed your weekly sleepover would turn into probably the best sex you'd ever experienced.

"I'm so happy it did" he replied, finally free of the sexual frustration that was bothering him.

"I mean it was only a matter a time considering the way you stared at my abs earlier" He teased you making you laugh.

"It wasn't as bad as how you were staring at my ass" you replied, returning the favor.

"You got me on that one. Remember the favor you owe me" he reminded you of the amazing job he had done to you with his mouth.

"How can I forget. Remember the three wishes you have to grant me" you also reminded him of the bet he lost.

"I just made all your wishes come true but if you need me to show you again I will" He replied cheekily, making you giggle.

[moiraineswife]

Refreshing as a Highstorm - A Stormlight Fic

Hey I inflicted this on my ao3 people last night and forgot about y’all! Inexcusable!! So here we are. 

DO NOT PROCEED IF U HAVE NOT READ RHYTHM OF WAR. 

you’ve read it? okay fabulous - u may proceed? 

you have not? WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? LEAVE. NOW. 

Title: Refreshing as a Highstorm

Summary:  Set some time after Rhythm of War. Jasnah decides it's time to come out as ace to Wit, and she does so in typical Jasnah fashion. He takes it in typical Wit fashion - in stride. They're soft and I'm emotional. Everyone wins. Jasnah POV. Minor warning for mentions of past acephobia. 

Teaser: “Wit,” she said, tone brisk and firm, “We need to talk about sex.”

For a moment she saw surprise tinge his sharp features. Then he blinked and smoothed it away.

“What?” he said, his tone light, “Have I been doing it wrong all these years and no one has thought to tell me until now?”

Link: ao3

Commission Link: Have me write other cosmere characters 

Jasnah settled down on Wit’s bare chest, listening to his heartbeat. He did have a heart. The organ, at least.

That had surprised her the first time they had done this. Though in many ways Wit was deeply human, he was also alien.

There was a depth to him, a knowledge that came only from the thousands of years he had been alive, stalking her planet, and more besides.

At times that daunted her. Looking into his eyes could sometimes feel like looking into an abyss that held the weight of more knowledge than could ever be contained in all the books on Roshar.

History, history from a thousand worlds given life. And he was in her bed at this very moment peering down at her with a haze of sleepy pleasure. That gave her a little thrill of pride and excitement.

Alien and ancient or otherwise, he liked to hold her once they had finished. She had the sense that he craved the tenderness and the humanity of it, to end an act that had always seemed so primal to her with a distinctly human, civilised note.

She didn’t protest. Initially she hadn’t wanted it. It had felt like wasted time. The world was ending and she was cuddling? But, more recently, she had come to acknowledge the benefits of a little rest, of time where she was allowed to simply be. To exist, rather than fighting tooth and nail for each breath.

She suspected that was part of why Wit insisted on it. He kept doing things like that. Making excuses to feed her, or force her to take a break and step away from her work for a moment.

A part of her had balked at that at first, seeing it as a subtle way of him trying to control her. She had shut those fears down. It was not about control, it was about care. And she could let herself be cared for. Sometimes.

Wit stroked his fingers idly through her hair, unbound, pooling around her like a swath of night. Then he threaded their fingers together, deliberately choosing her safehand for the purpose.

He often did things like that, trying to entice or excite her. She worried he was beginning to see it as some sort of challenge or game she was luring him into.

She sighed.

The time had come to speak to him about this. In truth, the time had probably long ago. But, well, she was human. She could admit to a little fear.

In the chaos of everything that had happened over the last year, Wit had been a flurry of his own kind. But it was a kind that felt good rather than terrifying and she...Well she did not have an excellent history with romantic partners and she had feared to lose this.

The time had come, however, when not saying something would do more harm, so she pushed herself up, back against the headboard of the bed, drawing her dressing gown more firmly around herself.

Wit shifted lazily, rolling onto his side and propping himself up on an elbow to look at her.

“Wit,” she said, tone brisk and firm, “We need to talk about sex.”

For a moment she saw surprise tinge his sharp features. Then he blinked and smoothed it away.

“What?” he said, his tone light, “Have I been doing it wrong all these years and no one has thought to tell me until now?”

She eyed him. Each conversation was like a dance, a fight, testing, seeking, pushing one another. She enjoyed it, normally, but tonight...Tonight she just wanted to be open, and honest. No games.

“No,” she said, simply, “You were perfectly satisfactory.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her and she grimaced slightly. That..was probably not the most tactful thing she’d ever said to a partner.

Fortunately he just laughed and kissed her hand, “Jasnah, my dear, you can be wonderfully refreshing at times,” he said.

“As refreshing as a highstorm, you mean?” she said, bluntly, and he smiled again, eyes twinkling.

“Roshar would not have life without them,” he said, lightly.

She sighed again, more heavily this time, and Wit frowned slightly as she rubbed her temples. His expression shifted, and he sat up straighter.

“Jasnah?” he said, a faint note of worry tinging his words for the first time, “Is everything alright?”

“Fine,” she said, waving a vague hand, “It’s still difficult to speak about this. I’ve done it several times in the past, yet it never seems to get any easier. Particularly if one attempts to approach it with any measure of delicacy.”

“Then don’t,” he said simply, taking her hand, “Approach it like the highstorm that you are, Jasnah. I assure you I’ve survived worse.”

She took a deep breath and, not looking at him, said quietly, “I don’t need sex, Wit.”

He frowned slightly, and she braced herself for the quip.

“Don’t need it for what, my dear? For life? Technically none of us needs it, in the basest of terms. We don’t theoretically need wine, either, to survive. But to live? I consider it a necessity.”

“I don’t,” she murmured, and her voice seemed to strangle itself, becoming small.

She hated that, and forced it back to its typical tone and volume with effort as she cleared her throat and continued.

“I don’t need it to feel satisfied with life. I don’t need it to feel satisfied or fulfilled in a relationship. It is not something I have ever found myself wanting, as most other people seem to.”

She drew her knees up to her chest, holding them. A part of her recognised that she did this as a defence mechanism, that it was a very obvious tell that she felt afraid and insecure, which she hated feeling, and hated telegraphing even more. But she couldn’t help it. In that moment, not looking at him, waiting for the storm wall to hit, she needed the comfort it brought her.

Wit moved beside her, sitting up straight, facing her, and when she looked up at him she saw that his face was uncharacteristically serious. He reached out and gently took both of her hands in his. She let him, and he seemed deeply relieved by that. Far too relieved in fact.

She frowned at him as he said, in a tone she had never heard from him before, serious and direct, “Jasnah, you haven’t felt as though I’ve ever-”

“No,” she interrupted him quickly, suddenly understanding what he was worried about.

Then she gave him a flat look that clearly said, ‘do you truly think you could pressure me into doing anything like that?’

The tension in his posture broke and he laughed, then, and said, “You are truly wonderful, Jasnah. I don’t think I’ve seen such a fabulous glare for centuries now. I must study it thoroughly at a later date so as to be able to properly master it when needed.”

She smiled again, some of her own tension bleeding away, though not all.

He scooted over to sit beside her, back against the headboard, legs stretched out comfortably in front of him.

She waited for him to settle himself then said, “This isn’t a problem for you? In our relationship?”

“No,” he said, and though his tone was lighter than it had been earlier, it took on that uncharacteristic serious cast once more for her.

“You surprised me, Jasnah Kholin. You were something on this planet I never expected, and have been delightful in many ways. I won’t pretend that I haven’t enjoyed our physical diversions. But you, and indeed this budding partnership, are worth more to me than the pleasure I can derive from our bodies.”

She nodded absently, then frowned as she realised that he seemed to be perfectly content to continue with her, without question or hesitation.

She had been about to assure him that she was perfectly happy to continue having sex with him, for him. She was not repulsed by it, if she had she would certainly never have entertained it with him. But she had expected to make this point in rebuttal of his disappointment or withdrawal. And he hadn’t done either, which momentarily threw her.

She knew her worth. And she knew that her value as a partner was indeed worth more than the use someone might find for her body.

Other partners had not exactly shared that sentiment in the past.

However fond they had been of her, her disinterest in sex had always put them off. Even if they did not react initially poorly, over time they became frustrated and disappointed, as though they had secretly hoped that she might make an exception for them.

They seemed to take it as a personal slight that she didn’t think about having sex with them every waking moment.

She had never had either the time or the patience for that nonsense, and each time she had walked away without regret. But she would have been lying if she claimed that it hadn’t hurt her, hadn’t made her feel lonely, and alien, even broken, when she’d been younger.

Wit was taking this too well, and she narrowed her eyes slightly at him, trying to determine his angle.

He did not seem the type of man who would take it as a personal insult that she did not crave sex with him. He was arrogant, and he had an ego, but it was of an entirely different sort.

Still, she hadn’t expected his reaction to be, so, well, absent. He was looking at her with the same bright eyes he always did, the same thinly veiled eagerness to see what their companionship would bring, the same intensity and hunger that had simmered between them this past year.

Wit seemed to read her confusion and suspicion in her face, for he reached out and took her hand, her free hand, and squeezed it.

“You are not the first person I’ve met who feels this way, Jasnah,” he said gently. “Indeed, you are not the second, third, or fourth person, either. We would have to climb rather high up the number scale, if you wish to truly and accurately plot yourself.”

“Really?” she said, before she could stop herself.

Logically she knew that she couldn’t be the only person who felt this way. Particularly when one factored in the sheer number of people Wit had known in his life. Statistically it was highly likely that he’d met someone else like her before.

The logic, however, did not prevent the sudden rush of warm emotion at hearing, at knowing, that she was not alone.

Wit smiled at her. A different smile than any she had seen before.

This was the smile of a man who knew the importance of knowledge, the emotion it could bring when used to connect, rather than destroy.

The smile of someone who used that knowledge to bring hope and comfort to people; to bring them together, and help them Connect across realms and ages.

The smile of someone who still found simple joy in using the wealth of his vast experience to bring a simple joy to a frightened girl who had spent so long afraid that she was alone and unlovable.

He squeezed her hands and nodded. Absurdly, she felt her throat tighten, and had to raise her other hand to wipe at her eyes as she felt tears bud in them. Some instinct urged her to pull away from Wit, to not let him see her emotion, the power he had over her with the truth he had just given her.

But she was learning to fight those instincts, and so she turned to him, full on, and let him see her tears, let him see her smile, let him see what a gift he had given her today.

Wit smiled back, warm and genuine, and stayed quiet, with obvious effort, allowing her to have her moment.

A gloryspren winked into existence above her head, and for once she let it manifest in the physical realm, smiling up at it.

After a moment she pulled herself together, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes, returning to business.

“Have you ever been in a relationship with someone like me, though?” she asked him, tone direct once more.

“No,” he admitted gently, then added, with typical levity, “But I’ve never been tap dancing with a chull, either, and I’d very much like to try that as well. The ability to continue providing me with new experiences even after all this time is one of the cosmere’s greatest gifts and joys, Jasnah.”

She eyed him, judging his sincerity. Somehow, the man sitting there with a twinkle in his eye, talking about tap dancing chulls, seemed more sincere than the others who had initially told her the same, with serious tones, and sombre expressions, only to accuse her of being cold and inhuman some months later.

She eyed him again and he raised an eyebrow at her.

She sighed and admitted, “You’re taking this too well.”

A faint blush stained her cheeks at that and she turned away. It felt so vulnerable to admit that, to admit that she expected him to hurt her. More vulnerable even than it had felt to admit the thing she expected him to use as a weapon against her.

“Jasnah,” he said, quietly, “I won’t pretend that I haven’t enjoyed that aspect of our relationship. You are a beautiful, alluring woman. And for all that you have no inclination towards it yourself, rather talented."

She smirked a little at that. As with most things, she had felt that if she was going to engage in it she may as well at least attain some competence.

“But it was a means to an end, my dear. Pleasure, indeed, but also intimacy, and closeness with you. That is what I truly want.

“I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, Jasnah, I’m quite sure I can survive a few decades without it for a creature as truly incredible as yourself. You are the unique and wonderful experience Roshar has gifted me with. What a fool I would be to throw that aside for the sake of sex.”

"Others in the past have not been as...discerning," she said drily.

"Well, as you yourself are fond of noting, dearest, other people can often be idiots," he said lightly. "Sex is wonderful. A true masterstroke by the cosmere to encourage us all to keep producing children. But I'm fairly sure its lack won't be added to the list of things that have killed me any time soon."

She studied him, so sincere, so lighthearted, then said, bluntly, “I’m not asking you to become celibate for me, Wit. We can have sex again, if you wish.”

He blinked at her, digesting that, then he said curiously, “Do you enjoy it?”

There were no strings to the question. They did not do that with one another, as was openly established early on in their relationship. Questions were welcomed, by both parties, whatever their content, the intent assumed always to be genuine.

She considered the question, truly considered it.

With him, and with a few others, she had engaged in sex because her partner had desired it, and she had wanted to do something for them.

Rather as she might prepare a meal she was not altogether fond of, but which she knew was their favourite. If she prepared meals.

“Yes,” she said, finally, “It is pleasurable for me, when done correctly,” she added with a frown of irritation.

In her experience, that was certainly not always the case. Wit, for all his flaws, could never be accused of being stingy with the attention he gave her. In every aspect of their relationship.

"As I imagine it can be for most people. Though likely not as intense and consuming as it is for others, I’ve gathered. And then there’s of course the fact that-”

She broke off, actually blushing noticeably for the first time in approximately a decade.

Wit’s face split into a wide, almost wicked grin.

“Come now, Jasnah," he said, waggling a finger at him, "A highstorm does not hold back its rains, you should not hold back your insightful and unique pearls of wisdom on the human condition. Least of all in my presence. I simply won’t have it,” he said, prodding her with a finger in a spot that he knew she was ticklish.

She actually growled at him, and he stopped at once, though he did laugh as he did so. Insufferable bastard.

She sighed and said, “Sex is pleasurable, but it’s not a pleasure that I can’t achieve myself more easily, with much less mess and fuss, and a good deal less complex emotional baggage attached.”

Wit laughed again at that, loud and full, and she found herself smiling in spite of herself.

Knowing he would enjoy it, she continued, layering an analogy onto the idea.

“It’s rather like attending a feast when you’re already full. The food still tastes nice, even if you didn’t particularly want it. But wouldn’t it have been far simpler, faster, and less likely to cause a headache had you simply taken a private meal in your chambers and skipped the fuss?”

As she had hoped, that caused him to laugh harder. Wit enjoyed an apt metaphor, particularly if it was original. Or as original as it could be to someone with his life experience.

He leaned in and gently kissed her temple, “You are a true delight, Jasnah. A highstorm that invests me with such joy and wonder, even as it attempts to bludgeon me with the force of its will.”

She raised an eyebrow at him as he coaxed her back down into a more relaxed posture, the two of them lying down once more, their legs lazily entwined, his fingers in her hair again.

“Too far?” he asked, lightly, as she settled back into place.

Wit liked flowery language, in all areas of life, but particularly in complimenting her.

She'd made the mistake of telling him, flatly, that it was nauseating.

He'd spent a solid month afterwards composing the most outrageous quips and lines of flattery, which had included multiple pieces of poetry sprung on her without warning.

Finally losing patience, she had soulcast all six pages of the final one into crystal and thrown it at him.

He had laughed, and they had come to an agreement regarding a comfortable level of tolerable flirtation and flattery from him.

“You’re a faint breeze away from ending up at the bottom of a chasm,” she told him flatly.

He smiled, “You may need to think of something with more threat to it, my dear,” he said. “You know perfectly well that if a faint breeze did topple my hapless person into a chasm I’d only crawl out of it a day later far more annoying than when I’d plunged in.”

“Hm, with a tap dancing chull in tow, no doubt” she deadpanned in response, resting her head against his chest once more.

She felt the laugh vibrate through his ribs this time. It was a strange sensation, but not an unpleasant one.

He sobered again a moment later and said, “I’ll need to leave again, in the next few days. There’s somewhere else I must be. Something that proves even more irresistible than your delicious tongue, my dear.”

She nodded without comment. He did this, disappearing for sometimes weeks at a time. He had done it even when he’d acted as Elhokar’s Wit, and she’d had no illusions at all that she would be able to dissuade him of it. He always came back, typically just before she truly needed him. That was enough. She'd long since given up asking where he went.

She did appreciate that he’d started giving her some warning that he was going to vanish on her, however.

“I would like to discuss this further when I return,” he said, thoughtfully, fingers still carding absently through her hair, “I understand, and appreciate, your willingness to continue experiencing the true wonders my tongue can perform in physical matters, as well as mental,” she rolled her eyes, but he pressed on, apparently without noticing, “But I would like to have an open conversation, establish some rules, some tweaks to our relationship going forwards to allow it to blossom as it may.”

She smiled against him, “That would be wise, and appreciated,” she said slowly.

It still hadn't sunk in that he was so...Accepting of this. People usually had a broad range of reactions to her. Acceptance was rarely one of them.

Then, with more reluctance than she ever thought she would feel doing so, she pushed herself out of his arms and stood.

“I have work that must be attended to tonight, casualty reports from the latest battle, maps I wish to review before the strategy conference in the morning,” she said, adjusting her robe.

Wit propped himself up in bed and eyed her. She knew that he thought she should sleep, that she worked herself too long, and too hard. He had warned her about the dangers of relying on Investiture to push her body beyond its natural capabilities. Indeed, she had chided several of the younger Radiants with similar warnings, and forced them to rest.

But for herself? This had been her burden to bear for almost twenty years, now. She had already given so much of herself to it, and felt that it was still not enough, that this was a piece of advice she found it difficult to take.

He opened his mouth, and she expected him to protest, to urge her to return to bed with him, perhaps with some crass quip. Instead, he said, “How can I help?”

She smiled, and asked if he would fetch her copies of the maps from the room they used for study and preparation.

He pressed a small kiss to her cheek before moving off to do as she’d requested. Watching him go, she felt a faint stir of warmth inside her. Rather like the feeling she had when drawing in Stormlight.

The world was ending. They were embroiled in the midst of a centuries long war with the destructive embodiment of hatred, bent on their capitulation and eventually destruction. But in that moment, she allowed herself to be human, to be vulnerable, and open, and flawed.

In that moment, Jasnah allowed herself to be cared for. She allowed herself to be wanted, in a way she never truly believed she could be. She allowed herself to remember why they fought, why she had given so much of herself to saving this world. She allowed herself to live, for just a moment, before she returned to the fight.

***

A/N: Look I didn’t expect this ship to happen to me either but hey! That’s just how life works in the year of or lord brandon sanderson 2020 so what can you do??????? He makes Jasnah happy and evidently that’s good enough for the rat brain. Except more fic at a later date bc I have 0 self control. 

[marvelmadam08]

Baby Blues 8/?

Summary: Chris is stuck in Mexico and Alex, now on her own, makes a last minute decision about Ace without telling him.

Warnings: Jealousy, mentions of sex, anger, angst, sad/jealous Dodger

A/N: Updates will be moved to Wednesdays until further notice. I do not own the GIF provided.

~~~~~~

5 Weeks Old

"How bad is the storm?"

Lightning crashed on Chris's end, making both him and Alex flinch. Ace continued to nurse from Alex, unmoved for once.

"Does that answer your question?" Chris laid back against the pillows in the bed of his hotel room " All the flights have been cancelled until further noticed, so I'm stuck in Mexico for a few more days."

Alex hid her pout as well as she could, but her voice gave it away "Yeah, it was raining pretty bad over here not too long ago. So, I'd rather you be safe than try to get on a plane that weather."

“Is your dad doing any better?”

“Yeah, but my mom said dealing with Ace was a lot easier though.” 

Chris’s eyes lit up at the mention of his son "How's everything going with Ace?"

"He's eating more, so expect a little chubby cheeked smile when you get back. He's getting use to tummy time, but he still doesn't like it too much." She did her best to suppress a yawn and failed “And he’s still keeping me up all night and all day.”

“Al, I promise, I’m taking over all the diaper changing and bottle feedings when I get back.” 

“No, no bottle feedings. I don’t want to switch between back and forth with formula yet.”

The crease between Chris’s brows wrinkled “Really, what changed your mind?”

Halfway into her second trimester, Alex started reading any baby-prep book she could get her hands on. Many suggesting for new moms, if they can, to switch back and forth between breast milk and formula. And after copious research and talks with Chris, Alex figured she’d be back to working in record time and to save time, and sleep, she’d introduce Ace to formula a little early on. However that wasn’t the case now. 

She enjoyed to bonding time, feeding gave her and Ace. The skin to skin contact would lull Ace, and herself, and helped him sleep. And after talking to her agent, Alex wouldn’t have to be back to work for some time.

“I just don’t wanna give it up yet. I really enjoy this time with him, y’know?” Ace’s fingers wrapped one of Alex’s, Chris felt his heart sink, watching the innocent gesture. 

“Can’t say I do.” He mutters

Alex started to move Ace over her shoulder, she took in Chris’s sour expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just- I thought we’d rotate with the schedule a bit when I got back.”

Alex shrugged “Yeah, but since you’re gonna be working I figured you’d be too busy.”

“You didn’t ask.” Chris cuts her off

Alex tensed slightly. “I didn’t I had to- just like you didn’t ask me about having my mom come up.”

“You said you weren’t upset about that anymore.”

“I’m not.” she half-lied

“Then why bring it up now?”

She shrugged “Why mention hurtful social media comments, when we do our best to avoid them?”

Chris exhaled “I apologized for that. Alex if it still bothered you them why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’ve been a little busy taking care of our son.”

“Exactly, ‘our son’ and you cutting me out of his schedule all of a sudden really pisses me off.” Chris was sitting up now, Alex could see the storm raging on behind him, matching his mood “You think I like being here, away from him? Away from you and Dodger?”

Alex gasped, looking around the room for the canine in question. She was suddenly aware of how long it had been since she saw him in the house. Ace whined and squirmed, sensing his mother’s mood change. She set him down in the swing cradle, turning it on to help soothe him back to his restful state.

“What’s wrong?” Chris asked, watching his wife jump up from her spot on the couch and running out of view

“I think I left Dodger outside.”

“You think?”

Surely enough, still wet from the rain and with the biggest ‘how could you’ eyes in existence, Dodger sat at the back patio doors; waiting to be let in.

“I’m sorry Dodge.” Alex unlocked the door, finally letting him inside

He padded over to where her phone and Ace were.

“Hey Bubba.” Chris smiled 

Dodger shook the excess water off, knocking over the phone and splashing Ace in the process.

“No, no no. Dodger you know better.” Alex reprimanded

Ace cried and Alex shooed Dodger back.

“Alex?” Chris’s voice call out from the phone, face down on the floor. Dodger swooped down and grabbed the phone in his mouth before running off with it.

“Dodger get back here!” Alex ran after him “Drop the phone.”

Ace continued to cry and watch Alex run behind Dodger, Chris still on the phone and telling the him to put the phone down as well.

“Dodger sit!” Chris commanded. He slid to a stop, doing as he was told and sitting on his hind legs “Drop it.”

With a whine Dodger set the phone down on the floor. Alex huffed out an annoyed breath and snatched her phone back.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Well he could be upset because you left him outside, in the rain.”

“I forgot, I already feel bad about it.” Alex wiped the drool off her hands “But now Ace is upset, I’m upset and you’re apparently pissed off at me for making a reliable feeding schedule for Ace.”

“Am I not reliable?”

“Your work schedule isn’t.”

“And yours is?” he challenged “Al, there have been plenty of times when you put a deadline in front of everything else.”

Alex rolled her eyes “Not this again.”

“Yes this again. Alex between the two of us, you’re the one who’s always buried in work. You take it with you everywhere, on vacation, at home- in bed.” he hinted, reminding them both about the time Alex stopped a very intimate moment to run and add another few paragraphs to a chapter.

“What was one time. And I don’t recall hearing any complaints when I made it up to you.” 

Chris’s brow twitched slightly “Al, I don’t want to fight with you about this, not right now.”

“When do you wanna fight about it?” she argued

“I don’t know, but I’m sure you can squeeze me in somewhere in your new schedule.”

“Chris, I-” Alex groaned “Can we put a pin in this for right now? I’m tired, you’re probably tired too.”

“I’m not tired.”

Alex looked over to Ace, grasping at the colorful toys above him “Well Ace is, I gotta get him to sleep.”

“Call me back, we need to talk about this.”

“Yeah okay.” She nods softly before ending the call

Her shoulders slumped forward, truly tired and aggravated, but overall just mentally drained from the day. Alex knew it would get better, she hope it would but they never argued this much before. Holding on to and bring up old arguments wasn’t something they did, that was hitting below the belt.

Alex couldn’t figure it out, has many time as they butted heads they always managed to come to an agreement in the end. Now each argument rolled into the next, and she was unsure if she was doing it on purpose or if something was truly wrong.

[hybridfanfiction]

Owner Training - 6 (M)

This chapter is filled with smut, so skip this one if you’re not interested! Warning for unprotected sex. Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. (Unless you’re Yoongi, then it’s cool.) He might also kinda have an impreg kink. Look, these things write themselves, okay? 

Word Count: 2,800

Your hand clenched the sides of the open doorway as your jaw dropped, the scene before you turning your brain to mush. Your last remaining brain cell was battling between the urge to flee and the desperate desire to stay. Finally, one of your feet managed to take a single step, despite how it felt like pure lead. 

Looking back, it really should have been obvious what was going on....

Since the heartbreaking fight a few days before, you were wondering if there was perhaps some sort of parasitic animal in his DNA. Yoongi has been practically latched onto you every moment that he could be. You’d expected him to open up more and be more into physical affection, but this was extreme. 

From the moment you got home from work he would wrap himself onto you, scenting your neck for a solid twenty minutes. He would barely let you get up to fix dinner, insisting on holding onto your waist and laying his head on your shoulder, which making cooking extremely difficult. If you tried to push him away, even to go to the bathroom by yourself, it was like a switch flipped and he’d turn into this upset moody brat that would practically cry until you sat in his lap. 

Even stranger, he’d suddenly become incredibly hungry, like all the time. You were used to him trying to talk you into the occasional treat, but overall he didn’t eat very much. Now, it was the complete opposite. Just yesterday he’d gone through two whole roasted chickens by himself, a steak dinner, three bags of banana chips, and even a couple chocolate bars. Not to mention the way he’s gone through an entire carton of ice cream every single night, pouting when it was finished. 

You knew something was wrong, but you didn’t know what. You’d tried to consult your hybrid books but it seemed like it could be any number of things. You had even started to wonder if it was time to force him to the vet, but what would you say? Hi, I’m here because my hybrid hugs me all the time and eats a lot? 

Anyone that didn’t know Yoongi personally wouldn’t understand why his behavior was worrying. 

And then there was that smoke scent. It was strange how just all of a sudden Yoongi walked around smelling like the campfires you used to have all the time when you were a kid. It was just a strange crisp burning smell mixed with this rich and sweet undertone, like it was made expressly for your tastes. You couldn’t get enough of it.

And every time you let yourself give in and bury your nose in his hair to catch more of it, his purrs to get louder and he’d butt his head up like there was nothing he wanted more than for you to smell him. Which was totally weird, right? 

This morning you’d actually woken up early because Yoongi’s body heat was practically making you drip sweat. You’d sat up and checked his brow, finding the temperature blazing. Little droplets of sweat littered his forehead and dripped down to his neck, even as you noticed his body shaking like he was freezing. You’d woken him up and had a good long fight, trying to convince him to let you take him to the vet. He kept insisting that it wasn’t needed, that he was fine, but you were so worried. You were nearly late to work by the time he finally agreed to go if he was still like this by the time you got home. 

Yeah, you had known something was up, but nothing could have prepared you for what you came home too. 

As soon as you’d opened the door, you’d known something was wrong. The lights were all off except for the one shining from your bedroom. The AC was cranked up high. Yoongi wasn’t nestled into his usual corner on the couch, so you assumed he was still napping in the bedroom. It was fairly quiet until you got closer to the room. 

Then you heard it. 

It was light at first. You could have easily mistaken the sounds as whimpers of pain. In fact, you nearly did, which is why you started walking towards the bedroom in the first place. But it was soon followed by a ragged moan and the sounds of your bed lightly squeaking. 

“Fuck...”

Yoongi’s gravelly voice gave away exactly what he was doing in there, and yet your body still went forward like it was on auto-drive. You grasped the side of the doorway and peeked in, your heart beating wildly in your chest. You couldn’t even breathe. 

There on the bed that the two of you shared was Yoongi - but one you’d never seen before. He wasn’t wearing a single stitch of clothing, and his pale skin was damp with a light sheen of sweat. He was on his back with his fluffy black tail trailing off the side of the bed. His hand was wrapped about a surprisingly pretty pink cock as he tugged on it, biting his lips in what looked like both arousal and frustration. 

“Ahhhhh....”

You could feel every moan travel straight to your own body. God, he sounded amazing. Was this a heat? You forgot all about those. Fuck, you were a shitty owner. 

“Can smell you. Come help me.” 

You jumped guiltily, peeling your gaze off the entrancing sight of his hand at work to meet his eyes. He was staring at you hungrily, a flicker of something there that was almost a challenge. 

“I’m so sorry, Yoongi. I forgot about ruts and heats. I can go call the hybrid place and have them send someone,” you sputter, quickly averting your eyes and making a show of pulling out your phone. “I can ask Jimin to let me stay there for a few days.”

Damn, you were trash. How violated he must feel after you just stood there watching like some pervert. 

“Send someone?” You heard the squeaking stop as he seemed to pause. “What do you mean send someone?” 

“Oh, they have these hybrids that volunteer to...uh...you know. Help. With that. I remember Tae had someone once before he and Jimin got together.” 

“I know what heat assistance is. Why the fuck would I want that?” 

His voice was trembling enough that you snuck a peek at him in curiosity. His hand was clenching his thigh as he breathed heavily, his tail flicking the way it does when he’s irritated. 

“Because you’re in heat?” You respond with a furrowed brow. Was there something you were missing? 

“Jesus...fuck. If you don’t want me just fucking tell me,” Yoongi growled as he awkwardly threw the sheet over himself and stared down at his hands. 

And...was that a sniffle? Was he crying? 

“Hey, Yoongi sweetie? Remember we established that I’m an idiot? You gotta tell me what’s going on here?” 

He huffed angrily, still refusing to meet your eyes. 

“What’s going on here is that we’ve been heat bonding all week and now you’re rejecting me. It’s fine. Whatever.” 

“Yoongi - “ you begin softly, taking a few more steps into the bedroom and gently lowering yourself next to him. “Are you saying you wanted to do...that...with me?” 

“You can’t even say it,” Yoongi sighed and rolled his eyes when he finally looked over at you. “I thought that’s where we were headed and I thought you’d want to. Guess I read the signs wrong because you’re a fucking human and probably want nothing to do with a fucking cat.” 

“Yoongi, it’s not like that at all! I like you too!” you blurt, gasping and covering your mouth after because, oh no, he never said he liked you. He just said he thought you guys were going to have sex. 

He pierces you with one of his stares, the ones that feel like he’s picking you apart all the way down into your soul. 

“Really?” 

You nod. “Guess, the cat’s out of the bag.” 

His momentary sneer lets you know he is not amused. 

“So, you’ll help me? You won’t send off for someone?” 

You blush so hard that you can physically feel it growing on your cheeks. 

“I mean, if that’s what you really want. Sure,” you mumble shyly.

He quirks his eyebrow in challenge and flings off the sheet before beginning to crawl closer to you. You can already feel the fur on his tail teasing against your leg. 

“Last chance to back out.” 

Little does he know that you’ve never wanted anyone more. 

You’re proud of yourself as you stand your ground, letting him advance towards you with minimal signs of flinching. You can feel how much his skin is burning once he’s next to you, the heat just emanating off of his body. 

You give a little startled twitch when you suddenly feel his long fingers curling under the bottom of your shirt. He studies your face as he tugs on it a little, giving you a silent warning of what’s to come. You nod and breathe out, his little pleased grin enough to help you relax a little. 

He pulls it off completely and throws it across the room while you unhook your bra for him in a rush of bravery. He doesn't even bother to look at it before he grabs it and throws it behind him, obviously in a rush to just get you naked already. You were both flattered and a little alarmed, but you had to remember that Yoongi was basically in heat right now and was probably hurting and desperate. 

To speed things up, you take care of everything else quickly on your own, letting him sit back and stroke himself slowly as he watched. He gave a pleased hum when you were finally as bare as him. 

“Sit on my face,” he grunted, scooting up onto his pillow. 

“Huh?” 

You knew what he meant, but your brain short-circuited a bit at the thought. 

“I want to taste you.” 

God, he was so blunt. You gulp and crawl awkwardly across the bed until you’re hoving above his face. You can feel the little warm breaths of air hitting your core and he grasps your thighs. 

“Careful, I’m sure I’m heavy.” 

He rolls his eyes and tugs you down onto his mouth. You squeak a little bit as you try to balance yourself against the headboard. The first few touches of his wet tongue on you were almost ticklish. Light, like he was getting to know you down there. Your heart was hammering with anticipation as he suddenly flattened his tongue and ran it all throughout your folds, the just barely rough texture strange but intriguing. 

You couldn’t help but moan and twitch a little as he finally paid attention to your clit, circling it and suckling it into his mouth hard. You could feel him smirking against you. 

“God. Yoongi, feels so fucking good.” 

“Mmm. I know.” 

The next few minutes were the closest to heaven you’d ever been in your life. No one had ever paid that much attention to you before. If you stiffened, he’d stop. If you gasped, he did it more. He was eating you out like a man starved and you loved it. Even when you would accidentally grind down harder than you meant to, he would groan loudly against you, like he’d love nothing more than for you to smother him with your pussy. Kinky bastard. You should have known. 

Finally, he taps on your thigh and you lift up, looking down at him. 

“I need you to fucking ride me, right now. Gonna cum.” 

“O...okay,” you answer shakily. You honestly weren’t sure if you were going to be able to hold yourself up that long, especially since you were pretty close yourself. 

“I don’t have condoms. Do you?” 

“Don’t need em.” 

You glance up at that and...oh. You’ve never had anyone look at you like that before. 

“But I’m not on...” 

“I know.” 

“If...uhhh...ya know - “ 

“Y/N. Get on my cock so I can fill you up with my kittens,” he growls, though his soft eyes belay the harshness of his voice, making it all so very emotional. And hot. He had your feelings flying everywhere and you couldn’t think straight. 

With a silent nod and slight blush, you crawl down and straddle his waist. You inhale harshly as you touch his cock for the first time and position it under you. He’s so soft and warm, and if you weren’t both frantically trying to hold off orgasms then you’d want to take your time with it. 

You slowly slide down, both of you releasing harsh breaths as you finally connect. You start a slow rocking at first, letting your body get used to having him inside of you. Fuck, he felt so good stretching you out. 

Yoongi reached over and grasped your hips, helping you increase speed until he was practically doing it all himself. You’d push up and he would slam you down, until the both of you were groaning and damp, the headboard smacking loudly against the wall. 

Suddenly he drops one hand down to your pussy and harshly rubs circles into your clit. 

“I’m gonna cum. Gonna fill you up so good, baby. The whole world's gonna see you filled with kittens and know you’re mine. Cum on my cock.” 

You’d never thought you’d hear such lewd words coming from your tsundere hybrid, so it’s enough to shock your body into doing as he ordered. You throw your head back and moan loudly as tremors fill your body. The gravelly moan is your only warning before he holds you still as warmth fills you. 

You let your upper body drop, draping yourself across his chest. He surprisingly doesn’t seem to mind or be in a hurry to pull out - instead holding you close enough to his chest that you can hear his racing heartbeat and harsh breaths. 

“Thank you.” 

You peek up at his soft words, smiling gently. 

“You don’t need to thank me. I wanted to. I liked it.” 

He seems to puff up a bit at that, making you giggle. 

“So, uh. Not to be one of those people that has to have the talk after sex, but we did some things and said some things that made me need to have something made clear. So, we’re like...a thing?” 

He rolls his eyes at you and hugs you closer. 

“Ahhh, I must have something wrong with me if I fell in love with such an idiot,” he says with a dramatic air and amused grin. 

Your eyes widen in surprise. “You what now?” 

“I’m in love with you. And I want to be whatever you’ll let me be.” 

“So this wasn’t just you being desperate?” 

He sighs and explains. “No. Heats make me horny as hell. They don’t suddenly make me have thoughts that aren’t my own or desperate enough to hump a couch or whatever. I meant everything.” 

“So you want to...date?”

Yoongi shrugs. “We can start with that. Sure.” 

“Okay. So I can tell Jimin that you’re my boyfriend and get him to stop trying to set me up,” you exclaim excitedly. 

He growls lowly. “If that doesn’t work, tell him I knocked you up.” 

You’d nearly forgotten. “Oh yeah, about that. Were you being...serious?” 

His smirk makes him appear very pleased with himself as he hums what he apparently thinks is a valid answer. 

“And if I am?” You question curiously. Somehow the thought doesn’t frighten you as much as you think it should.  

“We’ll figure it out,” he shrugs. 

“And if I’m not?” 

The grin that he pierces you with is nearly feral. 

“Then we’ll try again.” 

And with that, you felt something twitch inside you and suddenly became aware that he still hadn’t slipped out of you - he was growing larger instead. 

You glance up at him in surprise as he shrugs lazily.  

“I’m in heat.” 

You gulp as he starts to rock gently against you. 

“Hey, Yoongi? How long do heats last, anyway?” 

“Depends. Unassisted, about four days. With you, I might take my time.” 

This was how you were going to die. 

And what a sweet death it was going to be. 

*

* 

((I can’t believe I just wrote that. Okay, off to hide my blushes in a pit of shame. I hope you all enjoyed!!))

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

thank you! i think you're genuinely the only person that has ever said they actually like the fact that my bathrobe is obnoxiously pink. and you're absolutely right, one of the things i like most about it is that it hurts people's eyes. i love it actually. if you ever celebrate halloween you should absolutely add your bathrobe to your costume. an amazing idea. since it has a mouse face on the hood it could be two costumes rolled into one - both a vampire and a mouse (if in the middle of the evening you get bored of one), which i think would be awesome. and you probably wouldn't get cold (is it cold in nz during halloween? because here it almost always is). we don't celebrate halloween in lithuania either though. which i'm a bit bummed about, because halloween sounds super fun. mostly because of the dressing up! but i did celebrate it once, when i was 11 or 12 maybe? me and a couple of friends decided it would be fun even if it's not really celebrated here. so we dressed up, even went trick ir treating (half the houses had no idea what was happening and also i pretty much froze to death because i was dressed as a dead bride and refused to put a coat on because then you couldn't see my dress) and also watched horror movies. 12 (or 11) year old me thought it was amazing.

oh yeah! i've broken a knife on 2 separate occasions i think. once i tried to get something out of between the blender's blades, used a knife and then accidentally turned the blender on (i'm so fucking glad it was a knife and not my fingers). so the tip of the knife broke off (the blender was ok tho). and the second time i have no idea how it happened. i was cutting up broccoli and the knife just fell apart??? i was so confused, because one second i'm holding a knife and the next it's just two pieces of a handle and the metal part, all separate. had fun explaining that to my dad. you sound pretty unlucky too! i mean, a cut every time you use a knife, but you don't even notice it at the time? i think it's just that knives are out to get us (it's my newest conspiracy theory). i actually get double vision too sometimes! mostly when i'm tired, but i just figured that it was because i have really bad eyesight

they definitely SHOULD teach about gender and sexuality in school. it's a really big problem that in a lot of places it's either not compulsory or not even in the curriculum. honestly, everything i know about sex ed or lgbtq+ i had to learn myself on the internet, because we only had one class when we were like 13 years old with a guest speaker and it was mostly biology and then a little bit about menstruation and pads for girls (i have no idea what they told boys because we were also separated). so sex ed definitely sucks a lot in my country and i bet it's the same in a lot of others, which makes me really mad

exactly!! it's so hard to tell whether i'm feeling romantic or platonic love sometimes! it's confusing. also i remember one time me and a couple of friends had a sleepover and the friend's, who was hosting, parents weren't home so we watched romance movies (scandalous i know). again we were maybe 12. and they kept going "oh he's so hot" and intensely watching the sex scenes. while i was looking away from the tv whenever sexy times were going on and commenting on how much i loved the house design and the garden. gee i wonder what that means. (still can't believe it took me this long to figure out i was ace)

the breakfast went very well though! it's so interesting how different traditions are everywhere. i hope your lunch and the rest of christmas day went well too! (also i forgot to ask last time, but what is boxing day? google says it's mostly a shopping holiday, is it that? we just call it the second day of christmas and it's pretty much the same as christmas day but there's no presents!) but yeah i hope you had fun with your extended family on boxing day!

having acid reflux sounds like it sucks. i love breakfast, it's my favourite meal of the day (when i don't have to rush that is) and i skip lunch a lot because i usually have no time for it (my schedule kinda sucks), so i usually try to have a bigger breakfast. but hey, peanut butter is good! so at least you can have something that tastes good for breakfast!

aaand i feel like this ask got away from me. sorry it's so long!

it’s because i have t a s t e. it may not be GOOD taste but it sure is...taste...and i am proud of it. and yes, i love the idea of adding my dressing gown to my costume specifically because it means i’m basically in my PJ’s. minimal effort. comfort to the max. living the dream. halfway through the night i’m tired of being the vampire no one invites in so i drop to my knees and start the mouse act. mice are good at getting in houses and getting to chocolate and such. the dream. also i absolutely would get bored of one costume within the space of a few hours knowing me, so that’s a plus. uhhhh halloween is october which is. mid-late spring so it really depends on the day. it might be a little cold, might be shorts weather. I rarely leave my house at night so I’m not an expert on nighttime temperatures sdflsdfjsd. 

I used to wish we did Halloween here but that was mostly because I wanted lollies. Although I also liked playing dress up as a young kid so maybe very young me would’ve vibed with the costume aspect. I know there’s a photo of me when I was like, 5 and my best friend of the time dressed up as witches at some point, maybe we had our own little halloween. I also possibly had a halloween themed birthday party once as a kid? I remember the little gift bags having spooky things in them and also possibly a bat cake but my memory is too bad to remember for sure. aha that’s the problem here too, no one locally would ever think to buy lollies to give out so it’d just be like um. you can have an apple I guess? at least you had fun though! i respect the commitment to the costume despite the cold. 

that is such a stressful story to read, i fear for your life. although i understand the knife breaking in that first scenario. that would be terrifying though. what if the blender launched it,,, nOPE. i’m very glad it wasn’t your fingers, that’s some horror movie shit. the second time is just,, it be like that sometimes. it was probably just waiting to happen. my parents have a cheese grater with a loose handle and it. falls off. every time. i dry it. with the dishes. and every time i fear for my life as the grating bit drops off towards my feet as i’m left holding the handle. i should expect it by now but i never do. I get scared every time it happens. knives are definitely out to get us, i fully support this conspiracy theory. oh yeah, tiredness doesn’t help with double vision. i kind of need bifocal glasses by now but I also don’t want bifocal glasses so i just suffer but I suspect having them would reduce the double vision. maybe. maybe not.

yup! i remember someone handing out tampons and pads at primary school, i assume after giving a talk about periods, idk. i do also remember a teacher pulling the girls aside and being like yo, this is what a period is, here’s a horror story about my daughter and a tampon, enjoy the trauma, go back to class. good times. we did actually get really comprehensive sex ed concerning most things at my high school but that is faaaarrr from the norm around here, clearly. although teenage boys are good at filling in gaps, in my experience. they’re like little sex encyclopedias that offer up information without you asking. i didn’t ACTUALLY want to know that but i do now, i guess, thanks michael. 

dude. the ‘oh he’s so hot’ comments are so confusing. ‘hot’ is like a category of attractiveness that I’ve never understood. ‘isn’t he hot?’ what does that MEAN rebecca. i think i asked once if it meant like, attractive or good looking. and the person i asked was like, you know, hot. you just look at them and, you know- no i don’t know. what is this. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a sex scene with people my age though, generally i just zone out for them sdkfhskdfh. i feel like there’s definitely all these indicators when you look back like oh yeah, should’ve realised i was ace then, but it’s just. such a hard sexuality to figure out. not that other sexualities aren’t but you’ve got to figure out an absence of something when you don’t even know what the something feels like- it’s a challenge.

I’m glad it did! It is interesting, for sure. I’ve always been interested in how winter Christmas’s work. As a young kid I didn’t understand hemispheres...obviously...i was like 5...and i’d go out on Christmas morning to see if there was snow. and sometimes it’d be a bit chilly in the morning and I’d be like damn. we almost had some this year. it’s a shame our climate tends to be too hot for snow on christmas :// like no you tiny dumbass it’s summer you little idiot there will be no snow no matter what. everything ended up going super well here :). boxing day is basically just a shopping holiday, i don’t know if it has any significance in any other way, i’m sure it did at one point, but i know there’s always boxing day sales everywhere. I think it’s also a public holiday (?) to give people another day off work and that, but I could be wrong there. I know I also used to regularly go to the races (horse races) nearby that were always held on boxing day, it was like a 150 year old tradition or something until people in attendance started dropping and I think they finally shut it down a couple years back. I didn’t care all that much about the horses but they also had food and carnival-type rides and such for the kids which is why I loved it. also we tended to meet extended family there for a picnic lunch.

acid reflux is like the least of my problems sdfkjshdkf. it’s annoying but it’s pretty managed with medication, I have to watch certain foods and drinks but I’m used to it by now. I think it’s also what causes me to not be able to eat large amounts normally so I survive a lot on snacks and a reasonable sized dinner. works for me. but peanut butter is good! i’m glad i can have that! I used to also have vegemite but that’s a bit more of a push, it’s easier to stick with peanut butter.

also it’s fine!! my responses are always very long too sdfjhskdf.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

OOH can we please have the angsty fluff fic rec list??? thanks!!

@idontneednormal said to inevitably-johnlocked: hi there! could you please share your angsty fluff fics with us? i live for angst with a sappy ending!

HELLS TO THE YES I WILL, LOVELIES. Like I said on this post, I was just waiting for someone to request it. I’ve A TONNE MORE, but like I said, these are just what I’ve sorted so far :) There will probably be a part two in a few months if someone asks again, LOL.

ANYWAY, here’s some angst with a healthy happy dose of fluff to soothe the heartache caused by the angst! I think 99% of these all have happy endings, so don’t you worry none, your angst gets instant relief

ANGSTY FLUFF

One-Way Mirror by StormyNight108 (K+, 830 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF, John’s Blog) – It’s been months since the incident, where a man lost his best friend. Slowly but surely, John’s life is starting to turn up a little. That night, his blog is updated to share good news to his followers, and one anonymous commentator is quick to share his happiness. It’s about as close to his friend as he can get right now. No slash.

You Lead, I Lead, You Follow, I Follow by BrighteyedJill (M, 862 w. || Fever, H/C, John Whump) – John wakes up after a chase gone wrong to find Sherlock watching over him, but he’s a little hazy on the details.

Static by Johnnlocked (Krullenbol2602) (G, 917 w. || Fluff, H/C, Dr. John, Headaches, POV Sherlock, Fluff, H.C, Pre-TSo3) – Sherlock suffers from a headache.

Secrets by 796116311389 (G, 1,084 w. || Drunk Sherlock, Drunk Confessions, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Pining Sherlock) – “He is the best person in the world and sometimes I get sad because I’m not. Not his best person.”

Drums and Fireworks by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 2,121 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Platonic Cuddles) – “Are… Are you afraid of THUNDERSTORMS?” John asked incredulously.

I’m Sorry by bewdifuldragon (K, 1,172 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sick John) – During a case - that just for the record, he never wanted to take on anyway - John falls ill; and a guilt-ridden Sherlock does everything he can to make amends.

Of Small and Unexpected Things by wearitcounts (T, 1,239 w. || Love Confessions, Scars, Implied Abuse, Fluff & Angst) – It’s by accident, the first time John sees them.

In Dreams by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 1,340 w. || Falling in Love, Accidental Cuddling, Snuggling, Fluff, Romance, Domestic Fluff) – Every once and a while, the dark makes it easier to see.

Lost Without My Army Doctor by ItsRealForUs (K, 1,499 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Migraines, Doctor John, Domestics) – Sherlock’s fighting a losing battle with his migraine when John comes home to help.

The Two of Us Against the World by slashscribe (T, 1,617 w. || Post-TAB, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Anxious Sherlock, Angsty Fluff) – John is there to take care of Sherlock as he comes down from his overdose in The Abominable Bride. Set immediately after the tarmac, back in 221B.

Not Straight by IamJohnLocked4life (NR, 1,728 w. || POV Sherlock, Fluffy Angst, Happy Ending) – John moves back into 221B. Feelings come up. Happy ending.

Q 1 HR by StillWaters1 (K+, 2,234 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sick John, Fluff, New Year’s Eve) – On New Year’s Eve, Sherlock discovers that sometimes it’s the seemingly innocuous, rather than life-threatening, conditions that can keep John from The Work. And John is reminded just how deeply their friendship runs.

Just Admit It by LoyalNerdWP (T, 2,512 w. || Christmas, Fluff, Family, Romance, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock goes to his family’s place for Christmas without John, and Mycroft makes an interesting observation that Sherlock missed.

Rooftop Confession by Random_Nexus (T, 2,514 w. || Ace Sherlock, Developing Relationship, Friendship / Love, Angsty Fluff) – Sherlock asks John to join him for a slightly unexpected discussion.

Intensive Care by aceofhearts61 (T, 2,539 w. || Ace!Sherlock / Straight John Queerplatonic Relationship, Hurt Comfort, Angst, Cuddles and Snuggles, Hugs, Doctor!John, Medical Procedures) – In which John looks after Sherlock directly following the events of “Bless You and Keep You.” Sequel Fic. Part 15 of A Love with No Name

Green Carnation by glenien (T, 2,616 w. || Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Meta-Fic, Angst and Fluff, Communication, Post-TAB) – John takes Sherlock home. Part 1 of It’s No Longer Eighteen Ninety-Five

Turn the key, and come home by TooManyChoices (M, 2,718 w. || First Kiss / Time, Angst With a Happy Ending, Emotional Messes, Implied Sex, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing, Post-TRF) – Sherlock and John have been dancing around what’s between them for years. Will John return to Baker Street, and if so, will things ever be the same?

Extraordinary by ardenteurophile (T, 2,739 w. || Angst, Pining, Romance, Second Person POV Sherlock, Pre-Slash) – Sherlock tries to understand his preoccupation with one Doctor John Watson - the one case he can never solve.

There’ll be people By Ariane DeVere (T, 2,739 w. || Friendship/Romance, Angsty Fluff, First Kiss) – There’s a reason why Sherlock doesn’t travel on the Underground, and it’s not because he’s a snob. John learns the reason the hard way. Although, given the conclusion, maybe this one Tube ride wasn’t such a bad idea.

Unspoken by PipMer (T, 2,770 w. || John’s Missing Wed., Fluffy Angst, Mutual PIning, Pre-Slash, Missing Scene) – Sherlock wanted to test a hypothesis. About John. He wanted a question answered that he couldn’t just ask, at least not under normal conditions, because John would never tell him the truth about that.

The Sweetest Taste In The World by crossroads (G, 3,121 w. || First Kiss, Fluff, Pining, Friends to Lovers) – The sweetest taste in the world is rarely ever the easiest to come by.

It Was All Right There In Front of Him (A Five Times Plus One Story) by bees_stories (T, 3,191 w. || 5+1, Protective Idiots, Grooming, Bed Sharing, Lestrade POV) – DI Greg Lestrade is a good detective. But sometimes he doesn’t trust the evidence in front of him, until there’s a compelling reason to do so.

Listening By Ear by StillWaters1 (T, 3,384 w. || Lestrade POV, Friendship, H/C, John Whump) –  Lestrade figured that anyone who thought John Watson wasn’t important, and that Sherlock hadn’t changed since meeting him, had to be completely, bloody deaf. Because it was all right there, in every sound Sherlock made. For anyone attentive enough to listen.

Measuring Damage With the Fujita Scale by teahigh (T, 3,548 w. || First Kiss / Time, Vacation / Holidays, Friends to Lovers, Bed-Sharing, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Angsty Fluff, Scars, Awkward Talks) – John goes back into town, into the storm, and Sherlock realises he forgot to say, “I just want to be alone with you.”

MR# 1430155 by blueink3 (T, 3,560 w. || Talks of Parentlock, Baby Watson, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Fluff and Angst) – John paces the length of the not inconsiderable hallway and glances at his phone for the tenth time since he exited the hospital room seven minutes ago. Sherlock’s last text was sent at 5:06pm. It is now 5:39pm. He should be here by now. After all, his daughter is 46-minutes-old and if John is going to share this momentous event with someone, it sure as hell isn’t going to be the woman who just gave birth to her.Part 5 of Tumblr Prompts

Stay by msdisdain (M, 3,561 w. || First Kiss / Time, Angst / H/C, Bed Sharing, Nightmares, Blow Jobs, Anal) – John’s nightmares are nothing new. Sherlock’s inability to ignore them, however, is.

Because Your Coat is Part of You by camellialice (K, 3,705 w. || 5 and 1, Canon Compliant, Sherlock’s Coat, Angst, Fluff) – Five times John wore Sherlock’s coat and one time he didn’t need to.

Come home. by hudders-and-hiddles (huddersandhiddles) (E, 3,763 w. || Texting / Sexting, Lonely Sherlock, Nude Photos, Pining, Fluff & Smut) – When John leaves for a medical conference, Sherlock tries to entice him back home.

April Sea by ladydirewolf1 (T, 3,778 w. || Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Melodrama, Reminiscence) – Sherlock takes John to the place he spent his childhood summers.

Upon Waking by joolabee (E, 3,901 w. || Mild Dub Con, Magical Realism, Angst, Somnophilia) – It sets on slow: John can only be awake while Sherlock sleeps, and vice versa. Their lives are codependent, but never meeting. Like a set of scales.

Water Is Another Matter by cathedral_carver (T, 3,903 w. || Sick Fic, Pining, First Kiss, Heat Wave) – He thinks it’s in trouble, his poor heart.

In the cherry blossom’s shade by Eliane (M, 3,934 w. || Post S3, First Time / Kiss, Sleeping Together, Pining / Obsessive Sherlock, Minor Char. Death) – This isn’t new. Sherlock has already done this – has gone through cities, and dingy hotels, and sleepless nights but it was different before. John wasn’t there before.They’re in this together.

Someone Else’s Heart by thisprettywren (E, 4,188 w. || First Time, H/C, POV Sherlock, Caretaking John, Pining Idiots) – A crime scene, a rainstorm, and something they both should have known all along.

But Tonight You Belong to Me by esplanade (T, 4,296 w. || Fluff & Angst, Pining, Stag Night, Sad Ending) – “You. It’s always you. John Watson, you keep me right.”

The Dance Lesson by bittergreens (G, 4,596 w. || TSo3 Missing Scene, Dancing, Pining Sherlock, URT/UST, Romance, Angst, POV John, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock teaches John to dip. Part 1 of Goodnight, Vienna

Carry On by Mazarin221b (M, 4,647 w. || 5 and Ones, H/C, Afghanistan, Frottage, Hand Jobs, First Time) – Five times John didn’t want to be carried, and one time he did.

There’s Something Living in These Lines by teahigh (orphan_account) (M, 4,676 w. || Mutual Pining, Love Letters, Angst, Mutual Pining, UST / URT, Dirty Talk) – Two men, complete opposites in almost every way, who speak only in letters and pages torn from books.

Facade by distantstarlight (M, 4,715 w. || Fluff, John’s Beard, No-Shave November, Grumpy Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock) – Sherlock is highly irritated with a challenge John has agreed to undertake. Why does he need to grow a beard anyway?

Unforgiven by 221b_hound (M, 4,721 w. || Marriage Proposal, Victor Trevor, Jealous / Protective John, Jealous Sherlock, Sherlock’s Past) – Sherlock’s latest case is for his ex boyfriend, the brilliant and handsome Professor Victor Trevor. John is not too happy about that. But things aren’t what they seem, an old friend of John’s is involved in the case, and John has a few surprises up his sleeve. Also - a proposal! Part 16 of Unkissed

This Time by Radon65 (T, 4,766 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) –  He has practically just finished talking to Lestrade when it happens. A sudden dizziness assaults his brain, things tip sideways, and he barely catches himself on the arm of the sofa to slow his descent before he collapses altogether to the floor.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want by hubblegleeflower (E, 4,804 w. || Sex, First Time, Pining John) – John wants. He always has, but now that he’s living with Sherlock again, it’s all he can do to hold it back. And Sherlock isn’t helping…

Wasted Hours by songlin (E, 4,973 w. || Omegaverse || O!John/A!Sherlock, Pining, UST, Angst & Porn) – John is respectful. John keeps his distance. He doesn’t look at Sherlock when Sherlock decides trousers are for dull people. He doesn’t breathe in and savor it when Sherlock flings himself onto the couch first thing in the morning, wafting alpha scent, dressing gown settling around him in a cloud of blue silk. He doesn’t linger when he’s piecing Sherlock back together after a fight, even though he’s half-dressed and beautiful and right there. He can ignore it. He can control it.

We Bleed into the Grey by QuinnAnderson (T, 4,989 w. || First Kiss, Supernatural Elements, Fluff & Angst) – It was stupid, really. What was the point of having an ability if it wasn’t even a useful one? Sherlock would just as soon be rid of his. Until he meets John Watson, that is.

Every Little Thing by the_beekeeper_of_sussex (E, 5,066 w. || First Time / Kiss, Fluff, Frottage, Come as Lube, Embarassed Sherlock, Porn With Feelings) – When Sherlock walks in on John making tea wearing nothing but a tight pair of boxer-briefs things get a little heated…physically and emotionally.

Winter of Life by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 5,178 w. || Christmas, Fluff & Angst, Magic Realism) – It was an experiment, really. On Christmas, Sherlock wrote to Santa asking for a friend. He got a broken toy soldier instead. This is the story of how he finds him again and again.

I think You Need A Doctor by TheGoodDirector (M, 5,254 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sherlock Whump, Mistaken Couple, Humour, Platonics, Mary is Nice) – John’s not been to Baker Street in four months and returns to find a bleeding Consulting Detective. John can’t help but take care and put up with him. Set after The Sign of Three/Before His Last Vow.

The Only Available Transportation by blueink3 (T, 5,379 w. || Post S4, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Sherlock, Caring John, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Birthday, Family, Misunderstandings) – It’s possibly the desperation that’s seeped into his voice despite his best intentions, or perhaps it’s just a mother’s intuition, but she knows that whatever he’s calling about is Serious, hangover be damned. “What’s happened?” she asks, tone soft and as comforting as a hot cup of tea on a cold winter’s night. “Mummy,” he begins, voice catching. “I think John may be moving out.”

The Heart On Your Sleeve by flawedamythyst (T, 5,441 w. || Soulmate AU || Sherlock POV, Heartmarks, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Semi-S1 / S2 Canon Compliant, Reunion) – Sherlock stared at the imperfect circle on his left wrist in horror, then sat down on his bed with a bit of a thump. After over thirty years, his heartmark was finally showing activity. This was not good.

Finding John by orphan_account (T, 5,456 w. || Soul Bond AU, Symbolic Rings, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes has met exactly twenty-four Johns in his life. They have all been the wrong John. He’s getting tired of waiting, staring at the inscription on his finger and wondering when his John will turn up, if ever. Part 1 of Inscriptions

Surprise Christmas by Ayakae (K, 6,093 w. || Friendship, Sherlock in Disguise, TRF Hiatus, Christmas, Fluff, Mary) – A year and a half after his death, Sherlock tries to give John Watson a happy Christmas without actually revealing himself. The consulting detective thinks his newfound friend can help. Epic friendship.

Same Same But Different by Kerkerian-Horizon (K+, 6,435 w. || Friendship, Angst, Post-TRF, Gladstone, John/Mary, Christmas, No Slash) – After Sherlock’s return, a lot of things have changed, things the detective has to learn to contend with- or rather, to accept. A sometime-post-Reichenbach story in two parts, no male pairing. Contains Mary, the puppy Gladstone and Christmas as well.

The Dying Detective Remix by SailorChibi (K, 6,563 w. || Friendship & Family) – No one hates admitting illness or wounds more than Sherlock… perhaps that’s why no one believes him when he actually gets sick. Fortunately, when he can’t do it himself any longer, John and Lestrade are there to pick up the slack. Features Paternal!Lestrade and Gen John and Sherlock. One-shot.

5687 (Approximately) by prettysailorsoldier (T, 6,771 w. || Alternate Canon, Christmas, Pining, Fluff, Soldier John) – When John’s leave request for Christmas is denied, Sherlock is nothing short of devastated, not that he’s letting it show. The holiday season now something he’s just waiting to end, Sherlock doesn’t think anything can possibly make it worse. That is, until he realizes no one in his life believes his army “boyfriend” is even real, but, luckily, everyone is in for a surprise. Part 13 of 25 Days of Johnlock

The Tip Over Into The Inevitable by ivyblossom (T, 6,894 w. || Grief, Cuddles, Insomnia, Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers) - When his father dies, Sherlock avoids sleeping. Then discovers he can’t sleep at all. John finds a way to help.

Survival Instinct by shirleyholmes (T, 7,162 w. || Post-TRF, First Kiss, Schmoop, Nightmares, Fluff & Angst, Grief, Idiots in Love) – After Sherlock’s “comeback” John starts obsessing with constantly making sure he’s alive (checking his heartbeat etc.)

In Which “John” Becomes a Synonym for “Help” by asignoftwo (T, 7,391 w. || Injured John, Worried Sherlock, Fluff) –  After the fall Sherlock returns to Baker Street and is reunited with John. When John is injured on a case Sherlock is faced with the reality that he could lose John again, and it tears him apart.

High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you’re coiled like a spring and ready to be … sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don’t mean anything. Let’s drop it.”

The T-Shirt Thief by allroadsleadbacktobakerstreet (T, 7,968 w. || Mutual Pining, Post Canon Fix It, Dev. Rel., First Kiss, Domestics) – Sherlock steals John’s t-shirt from the laundry. John catches him wearing it one evening, fluff ensues with an endeared yet teasing John?

The Engine by stitchy (T, 8,294 w. || Time Travel, Post-HLV, Sci-Fi, First Kiss) – Shortly after the events of His Last Vow, Sherlock has an opportunity to revisit the night of A Study in Pink and get some perspective on the destiny of he and John’s relationship.

Never Been This Swept Away by estalita11 (T, 8,531 w. || Post-TAB, Mary is Not Nice, Drug Use, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – Set immediately after TAB, Sherlock visits his brother to definitely not apologize about earlier and ends up finally learning a few things that would have been nice knowing about months ago. Mycroft never wants to deal with lovestruck idiots ever again.

Presence by LostGirl (M, 8,625 w. || Pre-Slash, First Time, Jealousy, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock has recently noticed a shift in his own perceptions, but he can’t quite figure out when it started.

Let You Kiss Me (So Sweet and So Soft) by out_there (G, 8,659 w. || Fluff, Kisses, Stroppy Sherlock, Confused John) – The first time Sherlock kisses him, John keeps his eyes open, and so does Sherlock, and mostly, he wonders what Sherlock could possibly be up to. There’ll be some logic to this. Some ridiculous experiment about body warmth or respiratory rates or testing a new way of picking pockets. Sherlock does the unimaginable for bizarre reasons, but behind it, there’s always logic and curiosity. Sometimes, it just takes him a while to explain it to John.

The Painted Man by jinglebell (E, 9,894 w. || Tattoos, Scent / Tattoo Kink, Rough & Tender Sex, Fluff and Smut, Obsessive / Jealous Sherlock, Touch Starvation) – Here stood John Watson – middle name, Hamish, ex-RAMC captain and field medic, favourite brand of jam: Duerr’s, preferred toothpaste: Mentadent. Loyal, steadfast, interesting John had just done the most unpredictable thing merely by being. John’s body was covered, neck-to-waistband, shoulder-to-elbow, in tattoos.

Someone I Love by hudders-and-hiddles (M, 10,002 w. || Canon Compliant, HLV-Filler Fic, Pre-Slash, Jealous John, PIning Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, UST/URT, Dog Tags) – John gets married and Sherlock finds comfort in wearing John’s identity tags around his wrist.

Confidential by sussexbound (M, 10,654 w. || Epistolary, John’s Journal, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Self-Acceptance/Discovery, John’s Sexuality) – When John accidentally stumbles upon the Confidential file Sherlock’s been keeping on him he is both angry and curious. What he learns about himself, though–well, that changes everything.

Never Have I Ever by hudders-and-hiddles (E, 10,655 w. || Pining Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Drinking Games, Love Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers) – John and Sherlock tag along for the Met’s weekly night out, where the evening’s chosen drinking game is Never Have I Ever. Sherlock is reluctant to join in until he realizes he can learn all kinds of new things about John, but he forgets that John might learn a thing or two about him as well.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by cypress_tree (E, 10,669 w. || UST/RST, For an Experiment) – John helps Sherlock with an experiment: for an entire month, they are not allowed to touch each other and must remain at least one metre apart at all times.

Of Course I Forgive You by allonsys_girl (E, 10,735 w. || Love Confessions, Canon Divergence, First Time, Frottage, Wall Sex, Infidelity) – What if things had gone differently on that train car?

John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w. || Werewolf John, First Time, BAMF John, First Time) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewold and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

The Red Dianthus by kinklock (T, 11,382 w. || Supernatural Elements, BAMF!John, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Romance, Halloween, Dev. Rel., Case Fic) – The boys investigate a mysterious disappearance in a supposedly haunted house, and get much more than they bargained for.

Johnlock Ficlet Collection by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 11,505+ w. [WiP] | Random Ficlets, Pining, Angst, Fluff & Smut, Parentlock, AU’s, First Kiss, Character POV’s) - Just a collection of Johnlock ficlets, originally posted on my Tumblr page.

Where the Sun Never Shines by teahigh (T, 11,634 w. || PTSD, Nightmares, H/C, Post-TRF, Implied Sex) – John is a mess. Sherlock can’t fix him, but he tries. That’s good enough, John thinks.

Rainbow Hearts Retreat by PajamaSecrets (E, 11,638 w. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Undercover, Fluff and Smut, Bed-Sharing, Therapy, Humour/Crack, First Time) – “It’s a same-sex couples retreat. For those experiencing troubles in their relationship. Consists of group and couples therapy as well as encouraging socialization between the couples. It’s all in their incredibly dull brochure.” “Rainbow Hearts Retreat,” John read. “Sounds… quite gay.”

the first day of forever by darcylindbergh (E, 11,850 w. || Est. Relationship, Domestics, Light Angst, Insecurity, Emotional H/C) – “I’m going to marry you,” John murmurs with against Sherlock’s smile, and they both giggle in the joy of it. “We’re getting married.”“Yes,” Sherlock says, just to hear himself say it out loud. “We are.” A June wedding. Part 4 of things fairy tales are made of

Take My Breath Away by Quesarasara (E, 14,240 w. || Emotional H/C, Angst & Fluff, Toplock, Smut, Lingerie) – Sherlock opens his eyes and looks at his friend—his best friend—and slowly tips his chin down until his forehead rests softly against John’s. They stay that way for a long moment, lips just a whisper apart, warm puffs of air mingling as each of them struggles to breathe. It’s no wonder they ended up here, really, locked in this breathless moment balanced on the cusp of something new. They’ve spent years taking each other’s breath away…

Your Eyes in Darkness Glowing by tamed_untranslatable (E, 14,686 w. || Est. Rel., Case Fic, Hotel Sex, Bottomlock, Anal, BJ’s, Porn With Feelings, Homophobia) – Sherlock gets roped into a case in Moscow on his brother’s insistence, but finds that he can’t do it without John.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt’s Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John’s family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

Till Death Do Us Part by prettysailorsoldier (M, 15,390 w. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Friends to Lovers, Fake Marriage, Christmas, Fluff) – When Sherlock links a recent spree of murder-suicides to a psychologist who specializes in marriage counseling, there’s really only one thing to do: Go undercover as a couple in hopes of drawing the killer out. Faking a relationship seems easy enough, but things take a turn when their real issues start to creep into the sessions, and, all the while, a killer is watching, waiting in the shadows for their chance to strike.

A Hundred Thousand Ways to Say the Name John by Jberry (E, 16,825 w. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, POV John, Pining John, Cruise Ship, Angst & Fluff) –  John Watson and Sherlock Holmes must solve a case on a cruise ship. To get close to the crew and passengers, they must get married for the case on the Baetica. However, their relationship hits rocky seas both due to the case and internal conflicts. Part 1 of Baetica

Everlasting by cypress_tree (M, 16,884 w. || Magical Realism, First Time, Immortality, Angst & Fluff) – Most lives end. A Tuck Everlasting fusion, in which the Holmes brothers have lived for a very, very long time.

Just a Kiss by emmagrant01 (E, 19,695 w. || 5+1, Case Fic) – Five times John and Sherlock kissed because of a case and one time they kissed for real.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock’s parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile (T, 23,584 w. || Pre-Slash, Drama, Fluff & Angst, Humour, Romance) – Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And “Anthea”, too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn’t simple.

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w. || Christmas, Fluff and Angst, H/C, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’, and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts’ now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn’t getting cold feet about the wedding… Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series

[badrpstories]

Hey guys GUESS WHO’S BORED AND WAS REMINISCING ABOUT SOME HILARIOUS BAD RP EXPERIENCES.

Heyo Mod Anna here and let me share my tale of bad rp shit in which I am simultaneously a bad rper and still better than these guys.

First of all though, lemme just say, Mod Lup and I, not entirely in the right. We’ve grown since this incident BUT it’s still a good story so here have fun with hearing about an entire group of shitheads.

So it all begins on the offsite location that Mod Lup and I rp on. The site is in fact home to a large variety of different communities and people tend to reach out to others who they want to invite to their rps all the time. No big deal. We’ve both been invited to several and the same with other people in our community even though we’re both fairly private.

The story begins with the time that everybody in the community got an invite to one of these separate communities but me. And it was literally, every active player but me got an invite. Now being the dumb and emotionally volatile Mod Anna I am I got offended over this because my community only ever rped with my community. I was a very active part and anybody who read our posts would’ve seen I was one of the more active players. Now I’ve suspected that this was because I rped a self insert in the rp because when I’m very close to people I bring out my self insert sometimes and the fandom just happened to be the one she was a part of, and the host just happened to be my then time exboyfriend/best friend. But we’re not going to get into that. So anyways I was offended and stewed and we went through their forum and it was glorious for a laugh. I’m talking they had sexual content in every thread even if it wasn’t smut (like they didn’t know how to rp a romance without it getting sexual bad) and they had a “lemons thread” and yes you’re reading that right, a lemons thread. And it was full of awful, anatomically incorrect smut  (including a dick penetrating into the stomach) that was literally one line or less. I’m not joking one liners in smut listen I don’t smut but even I know better than to think you can smut in one line or less. And to further the bad they really didn’t seem to know source material that well.

And so we got a good laugh, I got a bit huffy at them when they finally sent me a message inviting me, and after that they were forgotten in my mind besides as the really bad rp we could laugh at occasionally.

That was at least until months later, when they were STILL harassing several members of my community to join. Including my sister. We were all starting to get annoyed, it was around 2:00 AM my time, so we finally decided to retaliate to get them to stop. First it was just a friend stealing a second account of mine I used for talking to a couple of people I didn’t want on my main account to be a bit trolly. Then a couple of friends, I’ll call them Music and Ghost got involved once the big post was deleted. Which was understandable since they were the other two members still being harassed about this rp the most (I think they’d received four messages since the initial one. My sister got three for sure. And I think another person got two.) They immediately went on and started pointing out the bad smut.

This is when Mod Lup and I got involved. Since she’s a sex repulsed ace and I’m a sex repulsed ace (although at the time I thought I was sex neutral) so we decided because we actually write more than one liners, we’d have to be better at smutting than them, which we probably are. So we went on using a set of accounts dedicated to a set of fictional brothers and said so ourselves, acting completely in character because why not? But we also very much used our actual pronouns and completely pointed out and anybody who knew the characters our paired accounts were based on would kinda know we were just acting in character. 

Then when they got all upset at us acting high and mighty over the fact that we were better smut rpers, they challenged us to a smut war. Which is far. Now Ghost and the friend who stole my alt are underaged, so we immediately banned them from the smut, so that left Music, Lup, and I. Since Lup is sex repulsed, Music and I volunteered to smut and I explained that we’d be the only ones up for the smut war because of the above reasons. So we take a couple of Lup’s ocs and actually start smutting. Now Music and I are real close so we had a lot of fun with it, worked on the buildup, spent time fleshing out the posts while continuing to chat in the ooc thread with people.

And then somebody came on and outright said that asexual people were just people who couldn’t get sex.

I was literally floored. Yes I came on and screwed with their forum but I expected them to make fun of our smut. I was ready for it. I did not expect them to say that asexuality didn’t fucking exist.

Like talk about your aphobic assholes. We left after it was clear they weren’t going to accept asexuality was real. And it was so ridiculous. I’m not saying I was in the right but at least I wasn’t bigoted either.

For the record, here are some quotes from them:

The only women we have either want to be men or don't like sex... So take your pick. (In response to Mod Lup pretending to flirt.)

“Want to be men” so they’re trans and they are men. Not want to be men.

The temptation to say asexuality is just a cop-out for those who can't get laid or choose to save themselves for marriage is increasing every time I see those words. 

I'm not saying there is no such thing as a lack of sexual attraction, because there are relationships that don't have sex in them. That's entirely up to the couple. The largest number of vocal aces though just happen to be Tumblrinas who Love to exaggerate everything. You all do you how you'd do you.

The second was the post that made me drop it, because the second isn’t a lack of sexual attraction and the fact that they used “tumblrina” was enough to prove they were an asshole.

Oh yeah, and they left this lovely gem about us:

Waluigi: A pompous douche who actually believes we believe he knows biology and is not more-than likely just a 7th grader fresh from sex ed with more Mario puns than there are Sonic games. (Side note: Likely lied about having experience other than hentai games and pornhub premium)

Ghost: Didn't get much, but he seems to be a chaotic neutral in a way. Though, this is likely derived from my knowledge on his personality being minimal at best.

Actually not a participant of our forums: One of the people who ruined Undertale for the world, as his/her post clearly states; 'if you're gonna sin you gotta do it right tho' and likely enjoys having sex with an underage goat boy.

Music: Just another random I didn't get enough info on during that little dispute. Made a few grammatical and spelling errors but I won't use that as an insult as that's the most petty form of insulting another individual. Though what I did get was that he/she is also into undertale and since she had talked about our smut being "Low quality" when she CLEARLY knows how to smut better. More-than likely on a smut forum to have sex with dog cats named 'Tem'

Yuuka Sakazaki (Mod Lup): I'm afraid I don't have much to say about this one. He/she came in, insulted our rp style in terms of our smut, said they don't like our forum, and then proceeded to try and act like they wanted to stay and be friends. A two faced bitch at the very best and likely a liar at the worst. But that's just how I took their interaction with us. Used this format rather frequently to likely signify thoughts rather than speaking out loud for some odd reason since everyone can read it.

Sakuya Le Bel Shirogane (Myself): Likely also lied about being ace since he/she stated that they've never had sex. So (Jerkwad) more-than likely hit in out of the ballpark with his comment. Also insulted us based on 'how we write our smut' and then proceeded to say he and his "Brother" had done nothing to us, even when his "Brother" claimed to have a boyfriend and "Could have sex whenever he wants" even though he said he wanted to seduce our women after saying he was, indeed, "Ace". He's likely just a two-faced liar like his "Brother" And has no place here if he's going to act like he did with his band of merry men.

Yeah I forgot to mention that they took somebody trolling as Waluigi seriously.

[jadehqknb]

Aomine works as a soldier for Japan's National Guard and their biggest challenge so far is the crime organization that's working with aliens that invaded the planet. Aomine's s/o was a genius scientist who was abducted by the organization and Aomine hasn't seen her since. Years later he found out the org has been utilizing her extensive knowledge to help in the evolution of aliens and humans alike so he has no choice but to stop her. He also found out that the s/o is actually a clone. (1)

The real s/o was killed, but the clone was injected with her memories so she knows Aomine. Angst, and you get to decide the ending. Sorry this is more sci-fi than supernatural but I still hope it’s acceptable. Thanks and good luck with your AU event! ^^ (2)

So anon, I really like this idea but my brain took me in a different direction so while the essence of your request is here, I changed up a few things. Also, warning for violence and death. I don’t want to say who or how because it will spoil it more than it already has so if the idea makes you squeamish, skip this one.

As the dust settles, Aomine blinks. That was one hell of an explosion. Turning, he smirks at Kagami. “You really know your shit when it comes to being explosive.”

“Was that your bad attempt at a pun? You’ve been hanging around Izuki too much,” grumbles Hyuuga, shifting the weight of his semi-automatic.

“Hey, I resemble that remark!”

“Will you all shut up! We need to focus!” snaps Riko. The words are barely out of her mouth before gun fire erupts. Struck in the shoulder, she hisses in pain but she fights through it loosing off her own shots towards the advancing enemy.

“We need to get to the central core,” shouts Aomine over the fray, “Tetsu, come on, let’s go!” The ace shooter and shadow bob and weave around the debris, rushing through corridor after corridor as their squad covers them.

“This way!” Kuroko indicates, ducking around a corner only to come face to face with one of the aliens. He skirts back, unable to raise his weapon in time but a splash of blue and not red signals his partner has saved his ass.

“I swear, Tetsu, I don’t know how you’ve survived the war this long, you’re a terrible shot even when you do manage to get your finger on the trigger.”

“Thanks, Aomine-kun,” Kuroko breathes, heart still racing at just how close he came to death.

The two blue haired males continue on their way, the sound of gun fire echoing behind them. They can only hope all will make it out of this alive. Finally, they spot the door they’ve been searching for and rush through it before Kuroko grabs his barricader and slides it into the handles. “It won’t give us a lot of time, but enough to get this done,” he comments. When Aomine doesn’t respond, he turns, eyes widening. In front of them, stand hundreds and hundreds of pods, all filled with bodies.

“Wha…what the hell is this?” Aomine chokes out.

As they get closer, both notice the figures are grotesque, some with extra limbs, some missing limbs. Some have two or three heads while others have none. But the most terrifying realization is that the pulsing resonance in the room are heart monitors. All of these…things…are alive.

“Dai-kun?”

A feminine voice startles both males and they raise their guns towards the sound. Normally a shoot first and ask questions later kind of guy, Aomine hesitates at hearing his first name. No, not just his first name, a name he hasn’t heard in years. There’s only two people in the entire world who call him that, or rather called him that since he knew them both to be dead. As his eyes fall on the woman moving towards him, he frowns; he doesn’t know her at all so how does she know him?

“I can’t believe it’s really you,” she whispers, heedless of the heavy hardware trained on her.

“Who the fuck are you?” Aomine can’t help asking. “And stay right where you are!”

Blinking away tears, she keeps moving, propelled towards the one person in the whole world she never thought she’d see again. “It’s me, Dai-kun, it’s ________.”

Aomine narrows his eyes, trigger finger twitching. “Don’t you dare say her name, you bitch!”

She flinches, then smiles warmly. “Of course, I forgot, I’m….I look different now,” she comments, “but it’s really me. I know! I’ll prove it! Ask me something you know only _______ would know.”

Aomine can feel himself trembling. How long has it been since he heard her name? If he had his way, no one would think it let alone speak it aloud to him and here’s this bitch, their enemy, casually claiming to be the one person in the entire world he loved more than anything else; more than himself, more than basketball when he played it once upon a time.

Why hasn’t he shot her yet?

Kuroko opens his mouth to protest but Aomine is already speaking. “Where did we meet?”

“You were on the roof top at school. I’d just finished practice with the dance team and went to get some fresh air and found you. We talked and you asked for my number but I wouldn’t give it to you that easily.”

“What did I leave in your locker?”

She smiles, but it’s not _______’s smile, it’s the smile of a stranger. “A basketball with your number on it.”

Aomine wants to believe no matter how impossible it is, that this is true. That somehow, _______, the love of his life is within this unfamiliar shell. But these questions are too easy. He’d been warned, been threatened by the mafia who ran with these bastards that they’d get him. They knew he was a threat, that as an ace shooter on the Vorpal squad he’d be a menace to them and he has been. So it’s no wonder they’ve sent someone to-

“Aomine-kun.” Kuroko’s voice startles the taller male; he’d completely forgotten he was here. “We need to hurry.”

“Go on then, I’ll be right there,” Aomine replies.

“But-“

“Just go, Tetsu!” he snaps.

“Be careful, remember, they’re tricky.” Kuroko moves past the woman, her heedless of where he’s going and why. She knows she should care and a part of her is positively screaming to act, to kill them, to protect what she’s worked so hard to create but she can’t. Not now that he’s here.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” she murmurs but at the look in his eyes she pauses again. “I can see you’re still not convinced, ok then, ask me something really, really personal. Something you know for sure no one else in the whole world would know except for _________.” It feels weird speaking about herself in the third person but if it’s what Dai-kun needs to move forward, to understand, to believe that’s it’s really her even if it’s a different body, then she’ll do it.

Aomine takes in a deep breath, his mind racing trying to think of something while at the same time berating him for even playing this game. No doubt this is a delay tactic, a way to make sure he doesn’t complete his mission but he’s missed her so much and he’s heard about this. Heard about people running into strangers who claimed to know them, claimed to be someone they weren’t, but it always ended up the same way; with someone or something dead.

Swallowing, Aomine looks her in the eye. “What did I say to you after the first time we had sex?”

She sniggers, the sound foreign in his ears. “Oh Dai-kun, of course your mind would go there,” she chides. Settling herself, she returns the intensity of his stare. “You told me that I beat you and it was the closest thing to a confession of love I’d ever get.”

Pain slams through Aomine’s chest at the remembrance, at the feel of her beneath him that first time, of her scent surrounding him, her lips on his, his hands on her. He’d forgotten, forgotten all of that until now, the memories too painful to allow to the surface so he pushed and pushed and pushed until he tread upon them, until they no longer haunted his dreams. How could this…. thing know so much about him and his ________?

“How?” One word filled with so much.

“I…when I was taken, they tried to make me work for them. Torture, you don’t know the meaning of the word but I wouldn’t give in. They broke my body trying to weaken my mind but I wouldn’t give up. I…I wouldn’t betray my own kind.” Her voice quivers and he has to stop himself from drawing her in. He can’t, this can’t be real!

“So,” she goes on, tears spilling on the ground, “eventually they decided if I wouldn’t comply in my own body, they’d put my mind somewhere more controllable.” Aomine’s gut clenches, whatever food he’d managed to shove in his mouth today wanting to erupt back out of it. “They removed my brain and fused it with one of their kind. That was three years ago and I’ve…well, you can see.” When her arm extends behind her, Aomine clenches his fist.

“You made those?! Why, what purpose could they possibly serve?” he roars. “My _______, would never….could never do that!”

His weapon clatters to the ground, hands fastening around her throat. Wide terrified eyes stare into his. “I don’t know what the fuck you did to her to get the information you did or the purpose of doing it, but one thing I do know is you are going to die. If she’s still alive, I’ll find her, but I doubt that.”

She chokes out, “Dai-kun….I….I’m right here. Stop…please…”

“No more lies!” he bellows, squeezing harder, feeling her pulse thunder against his fingers. A garbled noise of pain leaves her lips which are rapidly turning blue, her nails scratching and clawing at his skin but he’s relentless, eyes full of rage and hate and death. Because he’s fully dead inside now. He’d always hoped maybe he’d find her one day but that hope is gone. He knows she’s dead.

Just like the woman who’s now on her knees, eyes rolled in the back of her head. When he releases, her body crumples to the ground in a heap.

“Aomine-kun, we-“ Kuroko stops short, eyes wide at the sight of his ace standing over the very dead body of the woman he’d seen before.

When Aomine lifts his head, Kuroko almost shrinks back. There’s no more light, no more life, just empty vacant pools. “Let’s go, Tetsu,” he says lowly, stepping into the corridor and shutting the door. They begin running again, Kuroko pressing a button on a remote once they’re clear and another explosion rocks the foundations of the compound.  

[airadam]

Episode 125 : The Audacity Of Dope

"In the land of the free, the slaves are still here."

- Jerry Beeks

The grind continues, and as the autumn starts to really draw in, the selection gets you prepared for full hoodie and boot season with some rugged sounds from the old to the new!

A couple of events for you...

The Flyest @ Klondyke Club, Manchester, November 15th - guest starring me on the turntables!

Artifacts ft. DJ Mr.Len @ Joshua Brooks, November 30th

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Royal Flush : Life Is Hard

Royal Flush is known to most for his debut "Ghetto Millionaire" album, but he definitely has had some other solid tracks over the years. While this is on the 2019 release "The Governor", it was first heard on the 2005 "Street Boss" album. The production (don't have credits for this one) is top-notch, with the eerie and dramatic instrumental sounding very noir - a perfect backdrop for Flush's grim Queens thug braggadocio.

[Maxmillion] Panda One : Elaborate (Touch You) (Instrumental)

There's another track on this 2002 12" that has been the favourite for me for a long time, but on a re-visit this month I had to give this beat a little bit of light! The sample it's based around has been used before, but not quite like this - good job by Maxmillion.

Phi Life Cypher : Earth Rulers

One of my favourite rhyme duos with a killer single! DJ Beware put me up on this one back in the day, but I only recently got my own vinyl copy. Si Phili and Life just firehose lyrics right down the DJ Nappa-produced track, in a way any fan of bars has to appreciate. The finishing touches are provided by the dancehall samples, which I think come from recordings of the veteran Earth Ruler sound system - the little one-bar sample that drops in in place of a hook is absolute fire! 

Redlight Boogie ft. DJ Chainsaw : Hands Down

Amsterdam's Redlight Boogie yells, snarls, and spits his way through this cut from the "Dirty Money, Clean Hands" album - abrasive like a sack of Brillo pads. DJ Chainsaw drops in for some cuts at the close, which end up blending over the scratches from... 

Gang Starr : Bad Name

Huge new single which the heavy Hip-Hop listeners will surely have had on repeat the last few weeks! Easily the biggest musical surprise of the last few years has been the news that a new Gang Starr album release is imminent, and that there have been unreleased Guru vocals in the vault all these years. The "Family & Loyalty" single stunned everyone, and this follow-up will keep the buzz going until the LP drops. DJ Premier on production, the late great Guru on the mic - it's what we've been missing.

Bronx Slang : More Grief

It's been great to see Bronx Slang getting momentum up this year off the back of their excellent debut album, and it just so happens that this track that I was planning to play anyway turns out to be their new single! Jerry Beeks gets busy on the mic with the kind of consciousness that a lot of people swear doesn't exist in music these days, while Jadell packs in the funk to complete the soulful stew. Don't sleep!

Jay Dee : Jay Dee #17

Big shout to Iain and Teresa for hooking up a release I needed in my collection - "King of the Beats" by J Dilla! Lots of unreleased beats on this one, as well as a few the hardcore listeners might know. This particular beat bounces along with that characteristic Dilla swing, focusing on the low end for a pleasing groove.

Skyzoo & Pete Rock : Ten Days

If you like Pete Rock beats, you want to get the new "Retropolitan" album - 100% Soul Brother #1, with Brooklyn's Skyzoo helming mic proceedings throughout. This isn't the kind of beat that you automatically associate with Rock, but it just goes to show he can be versatile with it. Skyzoo is on that "get money" talk here, with a hook that conjures up this scene from "Paid In Full". As an aside - I totally forgot that the closing track on this album shares the podcast title, which I've wanted to use with the cover photo for a while!

Black Moon : A Haaa

My goodness, what a wait - sixteen years since the "Total Eclipse" album (2006's "Alter the Chemistry" was dope, but essentially a remix project), but at last Black Moon are back in full effect on "Rise of da Moon"! One of the original Timbs and hoodies crews, this episode wouldn't have been right without them. This tune is short but a banger, with a heavy digital bassline anchoring things while Buckshot showcases the flow and flavour that made him famous. Also check that heavy boom that kicks in between the 1 and 2 beats of each bar!

Black Thought ft. Styles P : Making A Murderer

Devastation from last year's "Streams of Thought, Volume 1" EP. More bars than HMP, more bars than Temple Bar. Black Thought is one of the world's best MCs, who needs no hook and offers no reprieve on his fire first verse. It's a brave man who would get on the mic after him, but Styles P takes the challenge and does himself proud - rising to the occasion. 9th Wonder's instrumental beats you into submission in the best way with the heaviness of the drum track, but it's Thought that holds the murder weapon here.

Children of Zeus : Ghost

CoZ maintained their hot streak of great music with "The Winter Tape", and it's just about the season for those tunes to get a re-airing. Tyler Daly takes sole charge of the vocals for this haunting tale of lost love. 

Vanilla : Sweet Talk

The title track from the last of the soul-inspired beat tape trilogy by this UK producer is a smooth one. Vanilla works a melancholy 70s soul sample, and the drums are suitably subtle so as not to overpower it.

Professor Griff and the Last Asiatic Disciples : The Verdict

This is the first of two tracks from albums that opened up the nineties, just as we start to look towards a new decade. Professor Griff's solo debut album "Pawns in the Game" came during his initial suspension/expulsion, and found him on unfamiliar ground as he was not a rhyme writer by trade. Still, he delivered the rhymes with conviction (no pun intended) on a song that opens with a take on Louis Farrakhan's short play "The Trial", and the rest of the L.A.D come through too. Beat Master Clay D provides the beat, based on a familiar break that never gets old but packed with other samples in a way that is unaffordable in terms of clearance fees these days...

Master Ace : I Got Ta

When the Juice Crew veteran's name was still spelled this way, the year was 1990, haircuts were angular, and Ace was making his solo debut on the highly regarded "Take A Look Around", from which this track is taken! Mister Cee takes a classic James Brown sample and keeps the Godfather's voice in for Master Ace to work around lyrically as he states his intentions.

Joell Ortiz ft. Jadakiss, Sheek Louch, and Styles P : Put Some Money On It

Second straight tune working a vocal sample into the lyrics - this time, from the 2011 "Free Agent" mixtape with The LOX making a great guest appearance. Straight street bars all the way through, and Sean C and LV with the uptempo soul/funk production for a big win.

Sampa The Great ft. Krown : Time's Up

Massive thanks to Agent J for gifting me this LP! From Zambia via Botswana and Australia comes Sampa, whose new LP "The Return" jumps around stylistically but never lets you forget that this is an MC of quality. She and the featured guest Krown take the machinations of the record industry to task on this one and announce that the clock has run out on their BS. Silentjay's beat starts off centred around those stick hits to remind you of a clock, then brings those lows in to drive it forward. Definitely an album worth a listen!

Boogie Down Productions : Duck Down (Instrumental)

Early 90s ruggedness on this 12" release from the "Sex & Violence" LP. KRS and Pal Joey smack the beat into the drum sampler here, and right at the end you hear the sound effect that plays under one of Hip-Hop's best-remembered calls for a rewind!

Edgar Allen Floe : Arrest The President (Cypher God)

We played the original version of this track to open episode 90, almost three years ago, but I only recently learned that there was a remake! Edgar Allen Floe of the Justus League does a solid job with this, covering similar themes as the original and even borrowing some of the rhyme scheme while switching up the words themselves. The dope beat is pretty much the exact same as the Marley Marl-produced original, bringing that hectic 80s urgency and just begging to be cut up every time. Check out more of Floe's work on the rest of the album, "The Streetwise LP".

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

  Check out this episode!

[3one3]

The Sequel - 789

Chelsea, England

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea players, and random awesome OC’s

(okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“You know what’s funny? Schü and I went on our first date at the restaurant here, if you don’t count the lunches and dinners we had in Florida when I was 100% positive he was 100% not interested in having sex with me.”

“What, you thought he was interested in having riding lessons with you?”

“No. I don’t know. I just thought he was bored or something.”

“Remarkable.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m getting another drink.”

“Ohmetoo! Same again, please, thank you.”

Juan deliberately bumped into Christina’s arm so her elbow would fall off the table when he got up to go to the bar. Their watering hole of choice for a rainy Monday night was the basement for a trendy Shoreditch boutique hotel. She wanted to see Juan because two weeks of horse showing and visiting André meant two weeks without any friend-dates, and he wanted to go out. Christina rode the horses that weren’t in Zurich with her over the weekend and then took Lukas shopping in the city. Mostly they were out for food. She wanted to visit her favorite market to get some really good meat and produce to cook with while she was home for a few days. Prolonged exposure to hotel food often did that to her. The little boy “helped” her make blueberry and oats muffins. He thought chia seeds were magic. Stirring them in water and watching it turn to gel was so much fun for him. Using magical ingredients in place of others to make her baked goods more healthy was so much fun for his mom. So was experimenting with cocktails in a rather plainly decorated but colorfully lit bar and music venue. Her drink of choice was made from Aperol, Bombay Sapphire, Campari, grapefruit juice, and ginger ale. Juan placed her second one down beside her cheese plate. She forgot to schedule dinner between baking and getting dressed to go out.

“What are you having?” she asked him curiously when the next glass to touch down on the table was not the same as the stemware his first drink was served in.

“Johnnie Walker.”

“Ew.”

“Do you want to stay for whatever the musical act is or do you have a curfew?” the footballer inquired from the relaxed posture immediately resumed upon returning to his seat. Juan was in a pretty good mood. A slight blip at White Hart Lane was wiped away with a win at home against Hull after almost every team in the large chasing pack managed to stumble and distance themselves even further from Chelsea’s heels. They also recovered from some Diego Costa drama. Everything was great. The Spaniard also just took on another marketing project- his father’s restaurant. Perhaps most obviously in terms of reasons for him to be relaxed, was his happiness at Christina being back in town and available to hang out.

“I don’t really care,” she told him with grilled sourdough in one hand and her cocktail in the other. “Espen is staying over to do Lukas in the morning because I have a shoot, so it doesn’t matter when I get home.” The bar under the Ace Hotel was known for its 7-days-a-week live entertainment and late nights. Some nights it was more like a packed club. On Monday at a little after 9 it was just a bar with some people really pushing the limits of “after work drinks”, and a few little conclaves whose lives evidently afforded them the freedom to go out for boozing and lounging on weeknights. If there was a crowd coming specifically to see whomever the scheduled artists were, they weren’t there yet.

“Who or what are you shooting for?”

“A German horse magazine. I did the interview in Leipzig so they’re just coming to do the pictures, which evidently necessitates having some people from adidas come dress me.” Three-to-one he’s saying something like “In that case, you should sleep over and let me UNdress you” in his head, the brunette in leather leggings surmised. She rubbed a square paper napkin between her fingers to get rid of crumbs, and then flipped her hair over its part, removing it from her face.

“What was the last legitimately interesting interview question you were asked? I get the same ones over and over for years.”

“I don’t know.” Her nose wrinkled a little on its own volition, and she paused with her drink on its way to her mouth. “I kind of don’t pay attention anymore. I don’t even think about the answers, let alone the questions. I haven’t given a consciously honest interview in...more than a year, probably. I used to care. I used to always try to be brutally honest. I’m tired of the same questions over and over, as you say, and I think I was tired of having to share so much of myself. I used to like being really transparent. It was important to me. It was also emotionally exhausting. People used to find it novel and fun and refreshing and then after a while they just tried to use it against me all the time, so F that. If you’re going to twist everything I say and make drama, I’m not going to give real answers anymore.”

“I have a very serious and important question for you, cariña.” Juan’s lips stayed flat and un-emotive, but his eyes sparkled with his typical kind of guile. Christina raised a brow to invite him to make his inquiry. “When are you making me fried chicken?”

“Wednesday!” She sat back in her boxy wood chair and smiled like the cat who got the canary, even as she licked spicy cranberry jam off her thumb. “I got a bunch of fresh chicken today. I’ll make the buttermilk up for it tomorrow so it can soak overnight. You can make yourself free for Wednesday dinner, yes?” It was novel to have the ability and opportunity to surprise the player.

“For the fried chicken, yes, absolutely.”

“Good. I’m going to invite Nat and the kids too, and Eden I guess. Otherwise I have too much leftover chicken and not enough days to eat it.”

“Why are you so giggly?” The Chelsea man was skeptical about his ex-girlfriend’s persistent, gaping smile. The giggles were in her eyes too, and even in her skin. She was a little red from her off-the-shoulder sweater all the way up to her cheeks. “You look like you’re keeping a secret. Are you going to use some weird, healthy, disgusting ingredient to bread the chicken and be like “Surprise! It tastes as good but it’s really...seaweed flour”?” She used her newly re-cleaned fingers to shake her hair back where it belonged, and pinched some of the length between her index and pointer fingers to gesture with it at her friend.

“You are as paranoid about food as Schü. I made chunky mashed potatoes while I was in Dortmund and trying to save Stef and Mario’s relationship with an intimate dinner for four, and he was like smell testing the bowl because he was sure I snuck cauliflower in with the potatoes.” Christina used her little cheese knife to get some soft Brie for her next piece of bread, but she hardly broke eye contact to do it, and her smirk remained.

“Seriously. You’ve been borderline giddy all evening, with the exception of talking about interview questions.” The player’s head tilted to his right, like a dog might do when he’s asked a question or wishes to ask one of his human. “Do you have some secret you’re keeping?” She thought absently that he might have assumed she was concealing some seduction plot for later on. That wasn’t the case. She did make her underwear choices with the possibility of that sort of thing in mind, but it wasn’t made up yet as to whether or not she wanted to get into that.

A curious thing happened on her visit to Dortmund. It became apparent that sleeping with someone else a couple of times made sleeping with her husband again way better than usual. There was no telling why, or what was even different about it. It just felt good, physically and emotionally. The parts that were supposed to be special felt special, and the parts that were supposed to make her melt into a warm soup of satisfaction did that too, on a level higher than the equivalent experiences just a week or so earlier. André enjoyed it too. He had that inevitable sense of relief that his girl didn’t seem in any way tainted, or spoiled. Her visit was much too short for his liking but much better than he expected, in part because they stayed in bed for a lot of it. Still, Christina was wary of the concept of rushing to Juan’s bed the minute she had the free time and opportunity. And that definitely wasn’t what had her smiling out of her pores.

“What did you do yesterday again?” she asked back of her friend, with a concerted effort to squeeze her brows discerningly and questioningly- an act to try to suppress the smirking. “Remind me.” The Spaniard was confused.

“I went to Paris with Taylor, to look for a book she wants. And to eat. I told you this.” His burlier brows were pinched too, because he didn’t understand her line of questioning or what it had to do with her cocktail-infused perma-smiles.

“And what didn’t you do, that you otherwise normally would on a Sunday when your BFF is competing?”

“Watch the stream?”

“Nah, more normally than that. I know you don’t always watch,” she laughed.

“I didn’t wish you luck. I was trying to give T my attention all day, and you made it pretty clear last week that you didn’t want to talk about-“

“Relax!” There was persistent, tame laughter in the face of the player’s self defense. “I’m not complaining. I’m not asking what you didn’t do like I’m mad about it. Use your head, Juanin,” Christina challenged. He grew desperate without a clue what she was trying to get him to deduce or conclude. The violent shaking around of the ice in his glass matched the almost perturbed look in his eyes. I’ll put him out of his misery, I suppose. “You didn’t ask me how the qualifier went!”

“Like I said, you made it seem like you didn’t want-“

“I’m not complaining! I’m just trying to tell you that I won! That I’m happy because Dirk was excellent and absolutely perfect and we won the qualifier. Derp.” The rider folded her left leg up to put her platform sneaker flat on her seat, and continued to look devious above the rim of her drink, which she then sipped carefully in hopes that her friend’s face wouldn’t contort in any more comical ways that might make her laugh and thus choke.

“Oh, fantastic. Well why didn’t you just say that from the beginning!” He remained perturbed and appeared even frazzled. This delighted his ex. He looks like someone has done him some injustice, she thought. He’s incredulous but I think it’s actually because he’s upset with himself for not asking me about the horse show. I’m sure he did remember that I said last week not to talk about horse showing because last week was a hellacious nightmare of calamity and it wasn’t even my fault, but I bet he still meant to at least ask how the show went, she worked out in her head while reaching over to shove him in the arm- a teasing gesture. Either way, he is so cute when he’s off his game, or when anything unexpected happens, really.

“I’m trying not to make a big deal out of wins,” she demurred, her own composure regained and her cocktail half gone. “They never used to be a big deal. It was just normal to win. So I’m treating it like a normal thing, in hopes that it actually becomes normal again. Kind of like the US media and Donald Trump. But yes, I am in a good mood, and- Actually, hold up for just a second.” Christina raised one finger and took a deep breath. “I want to amend my previous statement. The winning part isn’t so important, or the normal thing. The performance is. D-Money was uhhmazing. He had wings and turbo boosters and FRIC suspension. But that use-“

“What suspension?”

“FRIC. Front and Rear InterConnected, for F1. Mercedes developed it at the end of the V8 era and Ferrari complained and complained until Charlie decided it was illegal. You know how roll bars link the front right to the front left and the rear right to the rear left? FRIC was a hydraulic system designed to connect front and rear, to work like a roll bar but for pitch, to try to keep ride height stable. I trust I don’t need to explain why that would be advantageous.”

“You’re an insufferable know-it-all at times, cariña. Stop knowing things you have no right to know,” Juan insisted. He also tried somewhat halfheartedly to get the attention of a waitress who was less than halfheartedly committed to doing her job.

“This isn’t even like uber nerd level F1 knowledge. It was discussed on TV. Ted Kravitz probably explained it on his iPad in a phone booth or something.”

“What?”

“Never mind. We should go to a race together this year though.” Christina briefly considered righting her most relaxed posture in the broad chair when the waitress walked up to the table. She felt like she was relaxing on a couch at home, and ordinarily that wasn’t an acceptable state of being for her in a bar, but it was awfully comfortable. She just looked up at the young woman instead, and then over at Juan, since she didn’t know what he summoned her for.

“She needs a piece of cake, or a tart, or something like that.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes you do. She does,” he nodded at the server.

“I have a pecan tart with vanilla mascarpone and blackcurrants, toffee pudding with ginger ice cream, ice cream by itself, roasted pineapple with fresh passion fruit and coconut sorbet, and chocolate and brioche butter pudding with rum raisin ice cream.”

“You want the thing with the chocolate?” The player looked at Christina with large and innocent, almost childlike eyes. He clearly believed some celebration was necessary despite her explicit wish to downplay her World Cup qualifier result, or the performance that earned it, as it were. She had no interest in dessert of any kind but his expression was too cute and genuine to deny. The idea of seeing his face fall- of disappointment moving in- was too terrible. Instead the rider nodded to the waitress and held up two fingers to request two spoons. If he was making her have bread pudding and ice cream, he was going to have to eat some too, and she was sure he’d have no objections. “You’re already having a fizzy drink so I didn’t think champagne was an adequate celebration,” he explained once the girl left with the empty glasses from their first round. Christina stared at the part of the table freed up. There was a minimalist depiction of a constellation there. All the tables had them- white drawings on the dark gray tabletops, giving a hint of the celestial about the place. Each table had a very melty white candle in the middle too.

“No celebration is necessary, but okay.”

“Good.”

“I’m gonna need to go home after dessert though because food coma. I’m already full of cheese.” Christina reached for another block of semi-hard British cheese in defiance of her own decree.

“My home.”

“Oh you think so?” she chuckled.

“I know so.” The Chelsea midfielder nodded just one time and a clever smirk spread across his jaw, doing away with all the confusion, bafflement, and innocence of before. She looked all around their table to assess who might be looking, and hurled a piece of cheese in the direction of his face. It bounced off his cheek and chin and ended up in his lap.

“You’re so cheesy!”

“You’re so happy you’re drunk even though you’re not drunk,” he told her while he ate her harmless artillery. “It’s a little weird. I forgot what it’s like. I only see you this happy when you’re naked and sweating. And that’s a different kind of happy.”

“Shhhhhhhhh!”

Juan assured her no one was or could be listening, and that was probably true. The tables immediately surrounding them were empty. They were populated slowly over the course of their dessert eating and a third and final round of drinks. The volume of people showing up late for the band was a surprise to both of them, and kind of unwelcome. Juan had picked that spot for its relative emptiness and super relaxed atmosphere. Nobody bothered him there. It was almost like the bar had a regular crowd and they didn’t care what new people popped in as long as they didn’t change that chilled out atmosphere. That changed with the hour. Christina also couldn’t bear to sit still for a minute longer, or wear all her clothes, for that matter. She was a little drunk and a lot full and very tired, and for her that necessitated comfortable and/or minimal clothing and lying down.

The duo of intoxicated friends took a cab back to Juan’s. Christina was committed to hanging there for a while regardless of anything he might have had in mind about her being naked and sweating, purely because she drank too much to drive and needed that recovery period for the food too. There was couch spooning, and she found a triple play of episodes of The Tudors, and spent much of the first one explaining her Henry VIII era fetish- her self-proclaimed strange obsession with kings and other royal folk sleeping with anyone they wanted, by charm, coercion, or brute force, the “boobs in the face” costumes no doubt scandalized by Hollywood, and the idea of having sex in Victorian-draped beds. The player told her she just had a rape fetish, which she vehemently denied. Her rebuttal also included a thesis about women actually having all the power over the king of many wives. The fact that half of them ended up dead didn’t sway her. To her, Henry VIII was just a hopeless romantic, not in that he behaved like a particularly romantic gent, but in that he fell in love or lust with pretty much everybody and couldn’t keep it in his pants. The male heir problem didn’t figure into her theory. She liked The Tudors because it included all the soap opera drama with just enough of the authentic violence to elevate it above actual soap operas. Also, she thought Jonathan Rhys Meyers was really sexy as a brooding, womanizing king.

“Hoooooow can you enjoy this show?” Juan whined to her halfway through the second episode. She’d been quiet for a while and thus afforded him the opportunity to actually pay attention to the program, and to playing with her hair. “All that happens is two or three people have a quiet conversation about another person betraying someone, then clergy members threaten people or get threatened, and a young man in poofy sleeves flirts offensively with a blushing girl with her breasts in his face. It just goes on repeat. Same thing over and over.” He spoke quietly and tiredly, and he was losing motivation to remain upright on his elbow behind the rider, his head beginning to tip backward into the rear cushion.

“I don’t see how that can be a bad thing. Those are all dramatic and interesting things. There’s a trial coming! This is the kind of shit that goes down when you marry your brother’s wife and then want to bang somebody younger and hotter and need permission from the Pope. The Queen has such pretty jewels. I think Dolce ripped off the costume designers for this show.” Christina insisted on silence for the tense trial before some representatives of the Pope, and Juan nearly fell asleep. He did abandon holding his head up, and laid it down on double stacked pillows behind her. The episode finished when the trial didn’t really go as planned for Henry and his treasonous confidant.

“What else happened this weekend that I didn’t remember to ask about?” the Spaniard questioned with a sleepy yawn. He was more interested in playing with her fingers in his hand in front of her chest than he was in whatever would happen in the third and final episode. It was past both of their bedtimes.

“Tim got an offer for a book deal. A publisher wants me to do a book about...me, I guess. He said they have some writers in mind to help with it and I could use the time between now and the Olympics to meet with them and pick one, and then we’d do it after the games. I’m not interested.”

“Your career is too young to be in a book.”

“I agree.”

“Why do you think it went better this time, baby girl? Can I ask that?”

“I have no idea. I was by myself but I doubt that matters. Hey, I have a question for you.” Christina shifted from her side to her back to ask her question, because she wanted to see his face when he answered. It wasn’t going to be an easy question, however. It was one she felt slightly uncomfortable asking, but deeply curious about the response. Juan didn’t seem wont to let go of her hand, which he held loosely by a couple of fingers, so she just moved it to her stomach, over his sweatshirt that she borrowed for coziness’ sake. He sat up on his elbow again. “You’ve slept with Taylor since we were last together, right?” He nodded and his right eyebrow kind of twitched, which she read as confusion about why she was asking that specific question, and maybe what her feelings about the answer were. But that wasn’t the answer she was most curious about. It was just part of the set up. “Was it better than usual, or not as good? Or the same?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she fibbed, averting her eyes from the sleepy blue ones studying her at close range. The ceiling was a fine safe harbor for hers.

“Yes you do.” The Chelsea creator released her fingers to move some hair from her face, in case she was trying to hide under that too. He uncovered her right eye, previously protected by a curtain of pure cacao. She’d parted her root-boosted and very soft, shiny hair far to the left, which meant there was always some hanging in front of her face. Juan’s pointer finger must have liked the way it felt. He continued combing the relocated strands by her temple.

“I’m just wondering.”

“Why are you wondering? “I don’t know”.” A baby smile accompanied his mocking impression.

“Why does it matter? Whatever I say, you’re going to assume I just want reassurance that you like being with me better.”

“Why do you say that? I don’t assume that. I do assume you already know I’d rather be with you. I’ve made that clear to you, cariña, haven’t I?” The faint but authentic little smile morphed into faint consternation. I have bitten off more than I wanted to chew, Christina reflected. It wasn’t that she couldn’t chew her piece. She just didn’t want to have to. She wished she’d gone for something less substantial.

“Can you just answer my question, and maybe I’ll tell you why depending on the answer.”

“It’s not any different.”

“Okay.”

“Now tell me why.”

“No.”

“Is it not good with him anymore?”

He can hardly contain himself, the rider thought when she gave in and peeked to her left- when she made eye contact. There was eagerness looking back at her, and someone on the verge of validation. I didn’t even think of that. He thinks I’m asking because I don’t like sleeping with Schü anymore, and that that means something. Something good for him. Now I have to crush him and tell him it’s the opposite? How do I always get myself into these stupid emotional quandaries? Ever since I got a fox tattooed on my person my cleverness and cunning have steadily waned. Perhaps my baby fox is growing up and he’s stealing my foxy qualities so that he can be a complete, adult fox. Christina reached for the inky fox cub in the top hat on her wrist and inadvertently chewed her lip. The Spaniard gently nudged her toward giving an answer.

“If you spend three minutes before you answer, I know you don’t say the truth, baby girl.”

“It’s better. It’s amazing. I was hoping you’d say the same so that we could talk about it, but now I realize how stupid that is,” she sighed, eyes back on the ceiling and thus with no idea whether her friend’s face registered disappointment or not. “You wanted me to say it’s bad now.”

“It’s not stupid. You can talk to me about anything.”

“I know I can, but that doesn’t mean I should.”  

“Beautiful girl,” Juan mumbled, his gaze still very much trained on her, and her impending dismissive reaction. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“Don’t try to get me out of my own stupidity with an empty compliment,” Christina mumbled back.

“I wasn’t, and it’s not empty. You are objectively a beautiful girl, and to me, more than that.” He used his thumb to gently push on her temple and encourage her to turn her head towards him a bit. “Stay tonight,” he implored when she finally looked his way.

“Do I look like I’m going anywhere?” The rider let her bent knees tip over against him, and pushed her pout out for a kiss. She got the innocent sort she was after- the kind that punctuates a decision, or seals an agreement. Hollow as her head said his compliments were, her heart disagreed. His face being that close to her and his hand touching her and his voice near enough to vibrate off her instead of just resonate in her ears could give her heart veto power over her head- could let irrationality and romanticism overrule skepticism and reluctance. Christina lived her life through a filter of skepticism and reluctance. They were like guiding principles. They came naturally to her, by instinct. She was dubious about everything and the reluctance came as a consequence of her never wanting to be wrong, and never wanting to disappoint anyone. Everyone in her life that she loved dearly, be it as a partner, a lover, or friend, and including the horses she was closest to, was able to lure her out of skepticism and reluctance and allow her to indulge the irrational and revel in the romantic. To have a close and endeared relationship with Christina required being able to give her a holiday from her own personality. That was why her relationship with herself was often so rocky. Juan made her want to believe in his compliments.

“Ready for bed?”

“Only if you’re gonna carry me there. I’m too tired to move. My body is already sleeping,” she smiled. It would take more than telling her she was beautiful and giving her a smooch to turn off the sarcasm-dependent part of her personality, which relied on humor to save her from overly intense moments.

“You want me to wake it up?” The footballer withdrew his delicate touch from near her temple and placed his palm on her stomach instead, where the borrowed gray, white, and black sweatshirt was all bunched up from her various wiggles and twists. She warned him not to tickle, and he promised that he meant alternative methods of rousing her body from its figurative slumber. That garnered more eye rolling, so then she did get tickled, and when she was about to tip over that well known line between laughing hysterically and suffering a literal fit of giggles, and not being able to breathe, stomach pain, and panic, her scruffy-faced tormenter actually did pick her up to carry her to bed- only Christina was uncooperative. She ended up being carried predominantly by her butt, with her arms around the back of his neck and one bare leg trying desperately to hold around his waist so she wouldn’t fall, is if she were ever in jeopardy. He set her safely down on her feet near his bathroom door so she could make use of her new toothbrush, or wash her face, but the reigning World Cup champion just got into bed and asked for a t-shirt, since there was no chance she was sleeping in the sweatshirt in his already too hot room, engulfed in the too hot featherbed, covered with the too hot comforter, next to his too hot body.

Juan supplied one of his teeny tiny black tees but tried to stop her from actually putting it on. She intended to take the sweatshirt off, put the shirt on, and then unhook her bra and fish it out. He unhooked the two clasps on the strapless lace garment in one go before she even got the shirt over her head, and just rubbed her back when she turned to scold him in the other half of the bed. There was no act or game afoot. She didn’t really feel like cashing in on André’s understanding again that night. She still went pretty willingly when he used that hand on her back to try to pull her close, and she still let him kiss her with more invention than the prior liplock on the couch.

“Beautiful girl,” the player repeated from close enough that his nose was still touching hers.

“Not tonight, okay?” Christina didn’t move to stop him, or even to put some distance between them. She was still but for tilting her head a bit to kiss one side of his mouth apologetically. He closed his left arm around her waist to stop her from moving away anyway.

“Why?” he asked without disappointment. His nose glanced across her smaller one on his way to giving her another kiss, with his whole mouth.

“I’m tired, and I don’t like the optics,” she explained once given autonomy over her lips again.

“What optics?”

“The I don’t see you for a couple of weeks and the first thing I do is go out with you, spoon on your couch, and have sex optics. It’s like I was gone and busy for two weeks and then hurried to have a date or something.”

“Why do you care what it looks like? That’s like telling yourself what you want isn’t right. We’re the only ones who see. Shouldn’t you be more concerned with wanting it than how it looks?”

“But I don’t want it- that’s what I’m saying.” Oof now I feel bad, and awkward, Christina cringed to herself, imagining that her best friend felt as if he put in all the legwork throughout the night- taking her out, getting her drinks and dessert, suffering through her TV shows so they could cuddle and chit-chat, laying on the tender compliments, getting her to agree to spend the night- and wasn’t getting anything for it. “I’m sorry. I can still go home if you want.”

“Why would I want that?”

“Because you asked me to stay so we can fuck, and-“

“When did I say that?” The player reached for the top of her thigh with the hand that wasn’t on her waist. She was sort of half sitting Indian-style and half leaned over on her hands by his lap from his pulling her closer. He kneaded halfway between her knee and hip, and kissed persuasively at her mouth, which still opened a little for him despite her stated disinterest. The hair around his lips scratched and tickled against her skin. I feel almost a little like catnip, like when the cat gets the little bag of it and rubs his face all over it, but Juanin is slightly less intoxicated by it than a kitty gets. “Hmm?”

“What?” the expat managed to get out before his lips were trying to engage hers again. His tongue staying in its confines made communication, with words anyway, easier than it otherwise could have been.

“When did I ask you to stay so I can fuck you?”

“Why are you-“ Her opportunities to speak were still pretty limited by his slow and soft kissing, however. “Kissing me...and squeeze...my butt...if that’s not what you meant?”

“Why are you kissing me back if you meant not tonight?” the Spaniard questioned before poking his head out more to make sure his face stayed pressed to hers one way or another if she was going to sit up or pull back. Because she didn’t do either of those things, his lips hit hers with a bit more force and she read that as willful intent rather than a physical consequence. I should be more careful with what I say to him about liking when he’s in control, and that whole rape fetish thing. She finally checked out mentally on the smooching and Juan noticed. “We don’t have to have sex,” he assured, nonchalant and casual but still face to face- quite literally, really, with his forehead pushed into hers. “I want you to stay. I missed your body, baby girl- touching, holding, watching it. So beautiful. My angel. Come here,” he whispered while pulling her all the way over with him so they both ended up laying down- him on pillows and her on him. Soon she felt his warm and careful palm moving aimlessly around the small of her back, and the bottom of her butt lifted up. The constant kissing actually stopped. The scruffy face was pressed to her left cheek, and she could feel breath on the top of her shoulder in the form of a contented exhale. And she had no idea what she wanted, or if Juan literally meant he just wanted to touch her or if he was alluding to more than that and thought he could turn her on and change her mind by talking about it that way. Her soft and susceptible core could only withstand so many whispered “baby girls” and “my angels” before shifting.

“Why am I so beautiful tonight, hm?” she inquired, just to buy some time to figure out what she wanted. A little part of her conscience was afraid her best friend found her extra attractive that night because she was so obviously happy. When André told her she looked better happy it annoyed her and she counted it as a strike against him. And yet...I have 100% always found Juanin irresistibly hot when he’s really, really happy and smiley.

“You’re always beautiful.”

“Uhhuh.”

“I said already. I missed you, cariña. We sleep together like 4 times and then you don’t let me see you for 17 days.”

“Aww you counted,” Christina chuckled in his loving hold. She lifted her chin off the front of his shoulder to turn and smooch his cheek. “I can’t allow too much access, or demand will diminish.”

“I assure you it will not.”

“Seriously, and I don’t ask out of vanity, but curiosity- what to you is beautiful? Why is my body so beautiful to you? And don’t give me any bullshit about my abs making you think about my orgasms,” she warned while trying to figure out where to put her arms and hands.

“Your hair is beautiful. I love your hair when you do things with it. Every time you touch it. Your eyes are beautiful and you know it. Your nose, and your lips, and your chin- all beautiful together. Your thighs to me are amazing- the shape, the tone, the skin- all about them. The way you do everything is beautiful to me. You exist and I watch and you’re beautiful, cariña.” Juan explained, his delicate touch still roaming around some of her beautiful parts. He was a little bit flippant about his assessment, like he was amused that she wanted specifics. But most of all he sounded appreciative, and casual. He wasn’t trying to make a romantic declaration, or oversell his answer to make her want more.

“Thank you? Is that what a girl is supposed to say when you tell her her existence is beautiful?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re pretty too.”

“Thanks,” Juan laughed. He also moved both hands to her waist, spread them wide, and let them massage their way up her torso. She felt his legs circle around her knees too. It was not an unpleasant way to be immobilized. “Do you want your cashmere blanket to sleep with?”

“In lieu of the comforter or in addition?”

“Either.”

“Are you going to sleep in it with me if I choose in lieu?”

“Yes.”

“Is there jizz on it?”

“No,” the player scoffed. He turned to frown and shake his head at her, and took her poking finger prisoner. It had been poking at the dent in the base of his neck. Taking it was just an excuse to engage with her hand, and his digits were laced between hers a couple of seconds later. The whole concept of lying together and just touching and feeling made her curious again, but the second time it was about something that also gave her trepidation. She couldn’t help but wonder if her friend regularly shared the same activity with his girlfriend in that bed, and if he was so enamored with her body too.

“Do you stop Taylor from putting clothes on and hold her hostage atop your body just to...enjoy hers?”

“Why do you always ask me questions you don’t really want answers to, cariña?” Juan used his hold on her hand to bring it to his cheek, to press the back of it into his scruff and keep it there.

“Insatiable curiosity.”

“While I believe with all of my heart that you have insatiable curiosity, you and I both know that has nothing to do with it,” he scolded.

“If I say yes to the sex can I get out of the lecture you’re about to deliver?”

“No lecture. Take your beautiful body over to that chair and get your blanket.” In yet another surprising and impressive demonstration of the Spaniard’s ability to multitask, he simultaneously removed her hand from his cheek so that he could give it a little kiss, and let go of her side to pat her butt encouragingly. She got up to follow instructions and he got up to fold the comforter out of the way. He left it close enough that they could still tuck their feet under it. Christina wrapped herself up in the expansive navy James Perse blanket and then climbed clumsily over his body back to her spot. I kind of want to be held hostage aga- The thought was hardly complete before Juan invaded her blanket and made sure his also beautiful body was as close to hers as it could be. He rubbed his right hand up and down the outside of her left thigh- possessively almost- and then pulled her leg over his hip and let his palm rest further up, on her butt. The rider did her best to get some of her blanket over him.

“I need to set my alarm still,” she reminded while moving her head around to try to figure out where she was in relation to the nearest pillow.

“You need to talk with me more still.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Now I’m a hostage of him AND this blanket and its over my head and I can’t see and I don’t know where my pillow is and he’s making my thong go too far up my ass. Oh, there. Pillow.

“I like talking with you. I like when your voice is the last thing on my mind before I sleep.”

“Have I not been talking to you for the last 5 hours?”  

“Yes.” The Chelsea player who moved one of his large square pillows for her so that they could share it settled in, seemingly for the long haul. He was very close inside the cashmere, and the enshrouding made it possible for Christina to pick up the faintest whiff of Scotch on his breath. It was sweet and woody, in contrast to the citrus and spice of the stuff André liked. It was hard not to think of the German in that situation. She loved that lingering whisky flavor when she kissed him.

“What else do you want to talk about?” Besides sex, my body, and kissing.

“Whatever,” her friend shrugged.

“Let’s talk about how Trump is going to start a war with Iran and we’re all gonna die.”

“Perhaps there is a more...light subject you could come up with for bedtime.”

“Talk to me about football.” Because the only thing mein Schü will tell me about football is how angry he is about it all the time, and I love hearing about football, and I’m annoyed that we’re right back where we were in footballing terms a year ago, only now we’re living in different countries and upending our lives for football. “And I’ll talk about it back. About Chelsea. England.”