#as if I'm doing anything a normal person would consider maintaining my own life and well-being

[yayakoishii]

Lucky | Sanji x Chubby!Reader

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Chubby! Reader

Could be considered a part 2 to Want but can be read (and is written as a) stand-alone!

Word Count: 1.8k

Genre: Angst, Fluff??

Warnings: Insecurity about stretch marks, mentions of/implications of (but not explicit) sex so Read At Your Own Discretion, low self esteem, etc.

A/n: I'm not the type of person to write about things that are personal to me, tbh, but this idea played around in my head. I know you can have stretch marks from a variety of reasons but I wrote my own, and I would just like to remind everyone that they're normal. You're absolutely gorgeous as you are, my lovelies. I hope you enjoy this little fic ♡

also available on ao3!

Sanji felt like the luckiest man in the entire universe.

When Sanji and you had finally got together, he couldn't believe it. It felt unreal to have you reciprocate his feelings, to have you look at him shyly but with warm eyes that made him feel seen and heard– and he was ready to swear over his life to you, holding back only so as to not freak you out. Unlike his usual grand confessions, you were more important to him, a person he could not even take the risk of driving away. If you found him clingy, or obsessive, and he lost you… somehow, even the thought of that made him feel like someone was stabbing at his heart with a fork, over and over.

And he was ready to take this relationship at your pace. Whatever you were ready to offer him, he would gladly take it. Even if you wanted to wait to have sex until you were married, he would gladly do it simply because he was already head over heels in love with you. It scared him a little, when he was by himself in the confines of dark nights, just how much he was ready to sacrifice for a shred of your pure heart. To have you around him as long as the world would let him… The fact that you never hesitated to showcase your love, though you were shy in public, made his heart soar. He never had to wait for anything – except maybe sex.

The problem though, seemed to be something else.

It's not like you didn't want it. Clearly, going by the number of times the two of you had engaged in heavy make out sessions that seemed to lead towards it eventually, you were as affected by him as he was by you. But everytime that happened, your eyes would suddenly lose their drunken haze and shift back into a sort of nervousness and sadness that made Sanji feel helpless. You would stop after that, drawing back into your shell, wrapping your arms around your body and blocking him out.

He took it easy. Sanji didn't want to push you into talking until you were ready, and he certainly didn't want you to feel that a relationship without sex wasn't on the table. So he waited, giving you time to talk about it yourself; it was no good. If anything, you got quieter over time, hesitating even more around him.

It drove him crazy, and he would have questioned if you truly did like him if it wasn't for the fact that you maintained all other aspects of physical intimacy. There was no hesitation when it came to giving him hugs or kisses or affirmations of how in love you were with him, whenever he felt vulnerable and insecure. And that was what made him wonder; were you struggling with your own insecurities of some sort?

It didn't make sense to him that someone as perfect as you should find anything to fault in yourself, but after all, his lens of love was not to be compared with the harsh critics that were your own eyes and mind. He knew you were hesitant of your own body, its curves and how it was different from the slender figures of the other ladies on board and on land.

In Sanji's eyes, you were perfect as you were– soft and warm in all the right places, with a kind and caring personality. There was nothing about you that he didn't love and nothing that he found ugly, yet he didn't quite know how to make you believe him.

It wasn't even that you hated your body. He had seen you have confidence at times, but he had also seen it waver when it came to rude comments or just general low moods. You had your moments of low self-esteem but even in those moments, Sanji found himself a slave of your beauty. No, a devotee would be a better word. He wanted to worship you and your body as you deserved and yet, all his plans were thwarted every time you stopped in the middle of an escalating make out session to give him a small smile and come up with some random excuse to leave.

You were all that he wanted, and he was determined to let you know just what you looked like through his eyes. Sanji's chance came sooner than he had thought, the very night of when he made the resolution.

You lingered around in the kitchen after dinner, humming a song shyly after Sanji had insisted. When he was done with the dishes, you had helped him put them back despite his protests.

"Join me, my love?" He had asked as the two of you stepped out of the kitchen. He had to lock it and he waited for your answer as he did so. You were silent for a while before you spoke up.

"Oh, Sanji, um," you hesitated, clearly overthinking and worried that if you declined then it would be in bad taste but clearly also hesitant of what he was hoping for. "I, I actually…"

"Nothing that you don't want will happen, sweetheart," Sanji said quietly, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear. "I just want to spend some time with you."

"Oh!" You suddenly looked relieved and Sanji's heart clenched. Were you really afraid that he would force you to do something you weren't comfortable with? "Sure Sanji, I would love that too."

He held your hand in his as you walked to his room. Only once you were inside and he had closed the door behind him, did he speak.

"Sweetheart," he called out when you had settled comfortably on his bed. You looked up at him curiously. "Is it okay if I ask you something?"

You were quiet for a second, not unlike how you got when the sexual tension between you would get high. You clearly knew what he was getting to. Sanji waited until you nodded to move in closer to sit across from you.

"I just want to put this on the table before I ask," Sanji searched your eyes for something. "This relationship will always go at your pace. I do not mind waiting as long as you need me to, or even forever, if that is what you want. But what I want is for you to be comfortable and open with me. To tell me if something is bothering you. To be vulnerable with me, because you trust me. Is that alright, my love?"

"Of course, Sanji," you inched closer to him, a hand reaching out to take his. He let you, and brushed his knuckles against the inside of your wrist, watching you squirm at how it tickled.

"Do you not want to have sex with me, sweetheart?" He asked clearly. You flinched at that, and he could see the torment you were facing bubble up to the surface. "It's alright, love. Just tell me what you really think. I understand if I'm not appealing in th–"

"No!" You interrupted, looking at him with a pout. "It's not that. God, Sanji, you drive me insane all the time. I would have to be blind to not appreciate your figure."

"Then is it something else?" He asked seriously, hand now coming up to cup your cheek. You leaned into his touch, giving him a sad smile.

"Of course I want to… do it with you," you flushed, embarrassed at having to say that aloud. "I want it but… I don't want you to see me."

"You don't want me… to see you?" Sanji repeated, unsure of what you meant. Your hand came up to hold his where it rested on your cheek.

"I… have stretch marks," you looked embarrassed. "Maybe it's stupid to you– it probably is, but I know it's not what is considered appealing. I know I'm… not as slender as you might prefer, and I'm just… scared that you would look at me and feel disgusted. Feel like you made a mistake and break us off. I know!" You stressed it when Sanji looked like he was about to say something, "I know that you're kinder than that. But I don't want to lose you. I don't want to see you looking at me with disgust. I don't care about my stretch marks but when I think of you seeing them… I feel like I would rather die."

"Shh," Sanji shook his head, upset at your words. "What are you saying, my love? As if something like that is enough to shake my love for you. I can't even begin to tell you where my love for you begins or where it ends, because it's fathomless and so much that it scares even me. Any marks on your body are a part of you. I'm sure even they are as beautiful as the rest of you."

"Really?" Your voice was meek, wanting reassurance but also not wanting to be burdensome.

"Let me show it to you," he whispered, gently lowering you onto your back. The action made your shirt ride up a little, revealing the white and red marks. You squirmed and raised your head to see what Sanji planned to do.

A gasp left your lips when he placed a soft peck on one, marking the path to the next without lifting his lips. The action tickled you and a warmth pooled into your gut, along with the understanding that Sanji would never be disgusted by you or your marks. He would love every inch of you.

"They are like lightning," he whispered into your skin, warm breath fanning the cool surface, causing you to shiver. "Like pathways mapping the surface of the temple of the goddess I worship. Like waves crashing into the ocean, for me to appreciate, along with every part of you. I could never hate them, or you, sweetheart. Every part of you is meant to be worshipped, to be sung prai–"

"Alright," you choked, feeling overwhelmed. He kissed you in between as he spoke, careful never to move downwards or to make the act sexual. Every part of it felt like he was whispering and etching reminders of his love into your skin, like carefully tucked in notes in the folds of your flesh. "Sanji. Sanji, come up here."

He hovered above you for a few seconds, blue eyes misty with want before he gently lowered himself next to you on his bed. You swallowed the thick lump in your throat as you cupped his cheeks and took in every inch of his face, took in the blonde hair falling into his eye– and couldn't help but think.

"Heavens, I love you more and more each day, Sanji."

Think that contrary to what he believed, the lucky one was actually you.

[mizdelusional]

How To Make A Delulu Cocktail™️

Hi. Hey. How are you?

Beautiful as always, I know—no need to rub it in.

Anyways, today, I'm gonna teach you how to make a Delusional Cocktail™️.

Now, I know what you're saying in your head: Babe, what the fuck is a Delusional Cocktail™️?

And to that I say that first I'm gonna need you to lose the attitude because I'm about to change your life and also that a Delusional Cocktail is actually really simple to make.

To start, you're gonna need to gather three simple ingredients: the realization that nothing really matters, unbotheredness, and inspiration.

Personally, I got my realization and unbotheredness from the Trauma Department Store which is a bit pricier and time-consuming considering the therapy and additional work that you have to do to keep your unbotheredness from turning into emotional numbness and spoiling your cocktail but luckily there are healthier (and cheaper) ways in order to obtain these two ingredients.

I recommend just doing things.

Like, going places by yourself, starting something that you're gonna be bad at in the beginning, or just doing something that you are normally afraid/bad at doing. This will allow you to see that no one really cares about you the way that you think that you do. And I feel as though that is essential to manifesting because I think that oftentimes, we're so caught up in other people's perception of us that we allow their opinions to saturate our minds and steer us off of our paths.

Similarly, these experiences will also help you to see that LIFE IS FUCKING ROUGH. Firstly, everybody's just trying to survive and make the best of what they can. Why shouldn't you manifest? Why should you feel guilty about manifesting insane wealth or the perfect partner or body? You work so fucking hard and do all these things when we were really just meant to sleep, eat, and live. Don't you think that alone entitles you to the right to at least be a little bit delusional?

Moving on to the third ingredient: Inspiration.

This one is always fun and simple because inspiration can mean anything from creating a Pinterest board to find two people online whose lifestyles you really admire and just saying, "If it can happen to them then it can happen to me to."

There is no limit to the amount of inspiration that you can add into this cocktail. Inspiration is unique to each individual, just as how everybody has different flavors that they prefer. And hey, if you like to mix and match flavors then be my guest.

I would just gently recommend that you take time picking out your flavors to develop a style/vision that you love rather than something that someone else says is good for you because it works for them.

My inspirations are my two Pinterest boards and two influencers whose lifestyles I really connect with.

So, now that you have your three ingredients, it's time to mix them up. You can do it anyway that you'd like but I think that it's always best to make sure that your unbotheredness and realization that nothing really matters is greater than your inspiration. Because truthfully, you could wake up in that person's shoes tomorrow but if you don't have the mindset necessary to live and maintain that lifestyle, you can very well lose it all.

But again, to each their own.

Once you mix it up, you should have something like this:

(COLORS MAY VARY)

And there you have it, folks; a Delusional Cocktail™️. Simple to make and a whole lot of fun to enjoy! Bottoms up and happy manifesting!

[mikuni14]

Dead Friend Forever - Ep 8

One of the reasons I love DFF so much is the fact that we already have 8 episodes and NONE of them are bad or worse than the previous one, there is no annoying fluctuation or drop in quality. From the first episode, the series maintains a constant, very high level, which is almost unheard of in BL series, or in series in general ✨

DFF has the perfect storytelling for a show about crime and mystery. It is as if we were in a dark room surrounded by vague shapes and with one light source, and with each episode the light gets stronger brings new shapes out of the darkness. In this episode, it was Tee's involvement in Non's disappearance. And also Keng's fate. The crew's behavior at the beginning of the series, their sense of guilt mixed with persistent and aggressive convincing themselves that Non simply disappeared (also - as if it were normal, such a disappearance), and Tee and Top's belief that Non is a ghost (i.e. dead), found a perfect explanation. Because when they see Non for the last time, he is alive. And Tee (and possibly Top because he was there) know more, but not everything. What is clear, however, is the power of delulu in all of them and the creeping, repressed subconscious knowledge that no, Non did not run away with Keng...

My personal comment: while I can objectively consider their shades, greyness, nuances and so on, the fact that they lied to the police without hesitation in Non's case and then everyone preyed and fed on his work and basked in the light of success, eliminates all their "shades". And yes, even Jin showing off his pained face. I'm a fan of PheeJin, but I want to make one thing clear: I'm not interested in his remorse, his or Tee's motivations. I'm interested in the result and how they behaved. I'm interested in their choices. And in the case of these guys, the truth is really clear and out there. It's not about one choice, one mistake. What I mean, an endless SERIES of choices and mistakes ending with Non's disappearance, who no one knows where he is, doesn't go to school, is with some shady adult, doesn't live a normal teenager's life. The way THEY ALL LIVE.

Non's relationship with his parents was amazingly presented, as well as the accusations about which one of them was responsible for his sexuality, which is such a rl experience. It's also telling, that neither of his parents asked him how you were feeling? Do you need help? No, they just made it all about themselves, thought that the teenage child, THEIR CHILD, just did it on its own, probably to spite them. And they immediately compared him to his brother who "would never do something like that." Also Non's mental breakdown, his manic episode, but also how he didn't get rid of his old habits, his gullibility, because he gave in to Tee very easily and drank water from him. This is all very credible. Barcode played phenomenally in this episode, his sobs, screams, laughter, the way he flinches when someone says something to him or touches him. Amazing.

Por is happy with himself and his success and then his father's words "My help in this is not in vain" bring him back to reality. I love his reaction to it, how all his satisfaction disappears. I wonder how many times Por realized that he was just an extension of his father's political career. And that he will never do anything on his own, whatever success he has will always be the work of others, his mother, his father even fucking Greasy. Even Tee said that if it weren't for Por's father, this movie would never have been made.

SPOILER FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN THE PREVIEW OF THE NEXT EPISODE: It seems strange to me that Phee and Tan spent 3 years investigating Non's disapperance, being friends with his bullies and, in Phee's case, sleeping with his potential bully. And only on this trip did they finally decide to uncover Non's fate (I tend to believe that Phee and Tan are not murderers and are conducting a psychological war with these boys, and the murderer acts independently of them). I don't question the fact that it was difficult to get anything out of them, because it was obvious that no one would want to talk about their involvement in something like that (which is why I believe that Phee and Tan came up with a plan to scare them and get information out of them). The only thing that worries me is time. 3 years in the company of your loved one's/ your brother's bullies is A LOT and a very heavy mental burden to bear. But I believe in this series and I know it will explain everything 😍

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working

[13eyond13]

Hello! A question for one of the best DN historians in the platform 😛 so, for all of us who like L/OC romances there's just such a cute dating sim from spiraling trap, and although I don't consider it as necessarily canon (more like part of the extended universe, headcanon as you will) I think it's an interesting start towards a more "realistic" romance with him, if you want to write fanfiction. I don't know if you played it, but L goes from neutral polite/blunt, to interested to feeling the MC gives him peace. I found that phrasing particularly curious because it not only further humanises L but also speaks of how burdened he is, even beyond what we see in canon. How do you think a relationship with him would go, based on this premise? It's good food for thought, at least 🙂 thank you!

Hi, thanks for the sweet and polite ask!

I've never played that game myself, but it does sound like a cute scenario for L. I think it does make sense that in order for L to end up romantically interested and involved with someone he might need to first realize that maybe he would indeed prefer having a partner and someone to share his everyday life with on that level in the first place. Because I'm not sure it's something he would normally be prioritizing or believing that he wants or needs...

My own interpretation of L is almost entirely based on his manga self. I think that manga!L is aloof from others not just for his own protection, but also somewhat because he's secretly fairly arrogant about finding most other people quite boring and not relatable, and would also think it's too difficult to maintain an intimate relationship with most people. I think he's very stubborn, very driven, and also has been a bit spoiled and sheltered, and is not accustomed to navigating typical everyday social situations because of how unusual and often isolated and secretive his life has probably been. And I think he'd likely be a fairly difficult personality for many people to date, either because he's not willing to make the compromises and sacrifices and do the usual expected gestures that might be required for it, or because he logically can't see the point in himself dating people most of the time – I think he would be the type to think or to tell himself that he was not like other people who constantly need companionship in this way, almost looking down on anybody else who does. He definitely defaults to feeling superior about his differences from most people rather than inferior to them most times, I think. Though I'm not sure exactly how explicitly self-aware about that all or vocal about it he would be? I think generally L usually is content just to focus on what interests and entertains him the most, which is being a detective, and that to some degree this is just because it's the only thing he's genuinely actually cared a lot about focusing on before. But also maybe because he's never known anything different and might not feel as cocky about his abilities to navigate something like a romance or a longterm relationship very effortlessly, either (and he probably only really likes doing things he already knows he's good at).

I don't know if he'd actually consider himself terribly "burdened" by his position as L ordinarily, since in canon he says he is doing it because he wants to (whether or not maybe Watari sort of molded him into that role when he was a child as well). So I think the only time he'd start feeling really burdened is if he was getting way in over his head and feeling like he was losing control and losing face and failing, like during some of his darker moments of the Kira case (which I am sure was definitely by far the hardest case he ever had, and also the furthest he ever pushed himself to solve one). In that case I can certainly see him maybe finding someone who managed to comfort and help him in some way during that hard time attractive or enjoyable to have around, and to start thinking about things more like whether or not he would actually enjoy having an everyday partner in that specific way.

I don't really know how to extrapolate on it much further than that, because I don't know what the specific scenario is, and I am not normally an LxOC shipper or LxReader shipper myself. I have never actually read any fics like that before or anything. But hopefully some of this rambling was helpful a bit maybe, haha!

[p6-rem]

In Summary of what is going on with Midori

So I received a question on my original post about Midori asking "What happened?". This post isn't something I would normally do as I want my community to just have fun and remain a safe space. But, that's precisely why I'm writing this, so it remains safe.

To clear up, no, nothing happened between me and Midori, who is actually MysticDistance, personally. I kinda looked up to Midori from a level of respect, all the leaks got me very excited for Persona 6, for when it does come out, I admired that they went to such lengths for the hardcore fans. Midori was one of the key reasons as to why I started my own Persona 6 concept series on Tumblr in the first place.

When I made the initial post, I was kinda in a spiral of emotions from all this and just posted my initial thoughts without thinking much of it, but looking back at it, I was also dealing with some IRL stuff at the time that may have had an impact on the way I've been feeling about the situation. So I'm going to try my best to brief everyone on the situation without any prior feelings to cloud my wording.

Who is Midori? :

Midori is actually someone who was a part of Persona Twitter back in the day, known as MysticDistance, who was also a writer for Persona Central. Going forward I will be referring to Midori as MysticDistance.

MysticDistance was a friend of a user named Phan-site, an influential member of the community at the time who was involved in a number of controversial topics such as talking smack to 15 year old, saying the N-word, and most notably, he sent death threats to Mystic, who got Phan-site cancelled.

What is also notable to add is Mystic, while operating as Midori, was pretending to be a Japanese woman who spoke in broken English who said he was practicing to give us the leaks, and it turns out that is not true and he's just a white man pretending to be a Japanese girl.

And this is where things got weird.

The rumours :

A document was also posted on Reddit but the moderators sniped it down, it was thankfully brought to Twitter by a user named TailsGuy92 who said, and quote ;

"Normally, I'd ignore it but I read it and there's definitive proof of some stuff. Read it"

At first I was like "Oh is Midori coming out as trans or were they just trying to hide their identity better as a leaker?", and as I said in the initial post about this, it isn't okay to lie to your audience, even if it is about your gender. Now I may have not said anything about myself regarding my personal life, including my gender identity, but I like it like that and I don't feel as though my gender would really make that much of a difference, however claiming you are one thing when you are not is both misleading to your audience and, in the case of pretending to be Japanese and using broken English to better sell the persona, kinda insensitive.

After this, someone on Twitter by the name of Zacxix who claimed Mystic used them as his personal therapist at the age of 17, and another victim came forward who was 16 at the time when Mystic messaged them, or at least Zacxix, during COVID. Apparently he was being very creepy with them, basically trying to groom them, and when they said they weren't interested, Mystic would put together a sad sob story to try and maintain contact and abused them through messages. Zacxix also posted receipts on Twitter to confirm all of this. Albeit, the only receipt was of a DM between two people who claimed all of this and have no other definitive proof, I will only consider this as "alleged" proof for now as the user seems to be butt hurt about it, I only read the first Tweet before digging into this rabbit hole.

Then a user by the name of SonicRaiderG7 posted on Twitter that Mystic responded to the grooming allegations. Posting screenshots of Mystic saying that he is toxic and a manipulator in his relationship but wasn't a pedo, now I could say I could believe one party or the other, but considering how much Mystic has lied about now, I kinda don't know what to believe at this point unless more proof comes out. But even if he is a liar, I shouldn't have jumped the gun and called him a pedo either without the definite proof, but again, this is just his word saying he isn't one and no other proof from either side. Mystic also said that even if he was gonna apologize people wouldn't believe him. I mean, not unless you can prove otherwise.

And why would you even acknowledge it instead of dismiss it if you know it's not true and you can easily just fight back with your own proof? Again, I take this with a huge grain of salt and I shouldn't have jumped the gun and I'm sorry for that, but there's just that "what if" in my mind that's telling me otherwise.

Not only this, and this is probably the least important part, but Mystic claimed to have the account of Midori only being run by him, when in fact it was a whole group who was in charge of it. And he also grabbed the leaks from Reddit sources and somehow got his hands on insider documents from Nintendo. Again, least relevant thing here.

People were hyping up this individual so much, people really thought "Midori" was one of the good people. They thought she was the best person in the world, when in fact he is not.

So then, more people started coming out, saying that Mystic is dangerous, he's a snake and no better than Phan-site. Just basically calling out this individual and saying they are just a horrible human being in general. I mean, sure, it's one thing for one or two people to say this, but a whole bunch of people? Maybe not exactly calling this person a pedo but just proving and saying he's absolutely horrific.

What makes this even more unbelievable, is that Mystic was planning to retire as Midori days before all of this even kick-started out of fear that he'd be "discovered", and if you had seen the original most you probably would think "Oh because ATLUS is on to her!", no, there was probably something else going on which resulted in this whole exposé and Mystic didn't want anyone from his audience to know what he'd done.

"Midori" even responded on Twitter, quoting :

"I will not deny the rumoured information that the account that has been known to many as Midori (MbKKssTBHz5) is indeed MysticDistance.

I think many have been aware of this for a long time now, but if they were, they chose to say nothing. I appreciate that."

"The rumours of my identity that have started to spread and will continue to spread recently are correct information.

It is only ironic that I am corroborating that will almost assuredly end the long journey that has been had with this account"

"When I made this account, I wasn't thinking of a gender or even a region for the 'person' for this account. The intention was not to fool people into thinking I am an employee to get inside information on ATLUS or SEGA titles. This is why I do not refer to myself as a leaker."

KaptainKOnYT posted on Twitter this alleged deleted tweet, that says, and quote :

"This account was also used by a group.

I was not the main user of this account in a very long time, since the time the document in the callout post was made.

But the template for this account was indeed created by me"

It just proves that he is so self-centred that he isn't even ashamed of this. People even started comparing Mystic, or well, "Midori", to Tinafate and Lulubuu.

Conclusion:

Mystic is not sorry for what he has done to people, he will not apologise for any of it. I don't think what I'll say will have that much of a huge impact because I'm still sitting here wondering "Wtf happened to make all of these people go crazy?". Again, I'm not on Twitter at all unless it's to look at some fanart that a friend sent me or something.

But I have taken down any and all posts concerned about Midori.

I'd rather be safe than sorry and that goes for my community that I'm trying to build up and even the Persona community as a whole.

Now this will be my last post about Midori and the matter at hand and I hope I caught you up to speed on this. Stay safe.

[hexfloog]

Love your posts about evil conan! Since Conan gets his power from the (uninterrupted) lie, how do Agasa, Heiji, and all the other characters who know the truth fit into this?

Hi, thanks so much!! :D I can't keep quiet about him for longer than a few days at a time so I'm delighted to hear that my ramblings are enjoyed ;0;

At the end of the day, Conan’s existence is contingent on the endurance of only one lie: that Shinichi lied to Ran.  His undoing is as simple as confessing the truth to her and her alone, no matter how seemingly unstoppable he’s become.  Of course, neither he nor Shinichi know that this is the case, but they both have a vested interest in maintaining this lie above all else, so... whoops, lol.

Additional whoopsies...es... below the break :3c

By the time Conan takes the reins in Shinichi’s life the opportunities for anyone else to be consciously let in on the secret are practically zero.  Even if he wanted to entrust his identity to additional people, the lie is just so present in the world that its power relegates him to captive audience in his own mind.  One or two others knowing the truth wouldn’t do anything to break the cycle-- as it hasn’t, especially since those who know have so far pledged, at Shinichi’s own insistence, to keep the secret-- so Conan’s power is mostly unaffected.    

So with that in mind, those who are already in the know will be the only ones who know going forward-- with some exceptions (more on that later).

Conan as he really is-- red-eyed, fanged, and clawed-- is not normally visible to the common person, and even then he has some level of control over how much of the real him is seen.

Two requisites only mostly* need to be met for someone to be imbued with “sight” (or “the truth,” as he calls it): [1] knowledge of Shinichi’s secret, and [2] a subconscious belief in the supernatural.  Generally these conditions are already met among those who canonically know, since Shinichi’s circumstances are already stranger than fiction, though the degree to which these characters are capable varies even among themselves.

As the deuteragonist of this AU, Heiji is my prime example of someone who can see so much of the truth, he considers it a curse:

Everyone knows Heiji figured Shinichi out on his own, but while he may proclaim he doesn’t believe in spirits he sure has a demonstrated inclination towards a sixth sense... 

Heiji’s ability to “see” is as involuntary as his devotion to his friends.  He cannot control when he gets to peek behind the curtain, nor can he control how far it draws, and so his relationship with it-- and by extension, his relationship with both Conan and Shinichi-- is complex.  In several instances, it is used against him-- Conan becomes aware that Heiji can see him and toys with him in this comic, but in others, Heiji wrangles it to his advantage, such as when he uses it to gauge when Conan has receded in this snippet. 

Obviously who believes in what exactly is up to interpretation.  Haibara knows all there is to know about Conan being Shinichi and is easily able to detect that something is amiss when Conan takes control (much in the same way she sniffs out Black Org members), but she doesn’t truly see until very late in the story because of a staunch refusal to really believe that anything supernatural is at play with regards to his increasingly strange behavior.  Hakase is of a similar (if less-inclined) mindset, fortunate enough to enjoy a more distant relationship with Conan than the others throughout the meat of this AU, but he shares with Haibara an... unwillingness to believe he had any hand in said transformation (let alone the inception of the lie itself), and would not “see” Conan unless he pulled back the curtain in its entirety. 

*These requirements can work the other way around, too, which is why I say they only need to mostly be met.  Some people, like Ayumi and other children who are still privy to believing in monsters, sometimes glimpse him for what he really is  despite having no feasible way to even suspect that he isn’t who he says he is.  And even then... once Conan begins tapping into his power more, the requirements matter less and less.  “Rules” bend to his will and although he only gets to this point once, everyone would be able to see him as he truly is.

Ultimately, whether or not people know the truth doesn’t matter to him.  Ran doesn’t know and so he will continue having his way with Shinichi’s world unabated.  Of course, the chances of Ran eventually finding out is higher if more people are in on the secret (social osmosis and all), but we’ve already established that more people finding out in the first place is unlikely, and... while he initially guards his secret with the same ferocity as his maker, he-- like Shinichi-- is prone to recklessness... and he gradually stops caring about being on the down-low, anyway.  Something something unchecked ego.

(And besides - Ran finding out through someone else doesn’t really stop anything. She might become aware of the deception, but Shinichi himself has still not confessed the truth to her, and the lie continues...)

So in short, with regards to the original question... Ran is the only one who matters >:)  Except to potentially get in the way, none of the others-- Heiji, Ai, Hakase-- have any bearing on his existence.  Them knowing doesn’t have any effect on the true depth of the deceit.  Although Conan knows that the relationships Shinichi has with these people are uniquely Shinichi, they are, at the end of the day, expendable in his pursuit of becoming Shinichi in the eyes of the world.  The charade can’t be halted from the sidelines, and especially not once Conan starts standing on his own.

Spoiler spoiler, the last step in Conan’s plan to replace Shinichi-- to seize his relations, his status in life, to discard all that’s been established as Conan-- is to be accepted by Ran, and when he isn’t, well...

Thank you for the ask!! Hehe I wrote an essay again (this is the additional whoopsie) <3  Detco canon has established that Shinichi generally prioritizes guarding his secret from Ran above anyone else, even at her own expense, so I like to roll with that perspective and... well, all that that implies~~~

[purpleyoonn]

Hello Mari, how are you? I hope you are doing wonderfully well(;

Anyway, let me ask you a few questions! First of all, out of all the fanfics you've written so far, is there one that you consider your favorite? Are there fanfics that are more difficult to write and others that are relatively easier? Or are they all the same difficulty level? Ever thought about writing a physical book? (In my opinion, you have a lot of potential! I would definitely be one of the first in line at the bookstore, lol!).

And finally, how does your creativity work? Do you think about your stories very often? Or are there specific times for your creativity to kick in?

(OBS: Sorry for the list of questions! Don't feel pressured to answer, and forgive me if my English is bad! I'm still learning🙃).

A big hug for you dear, take care(:

Hello!! I am doing okay! Just normal life stress seeing as my car is now taking a turn for the less good and I might need to start looking around for another one😭

Out of all of my fics, I think baby might be my favorite one. I live the vibe of it and the way that it is going. I have so many ideas for it including different idol interactions and btsxmc interactions. I feel like the love in the bond is so pure that sometimes instincts overwrite normal thoughts or expectations.

I think there are definitely some fics that are more difficult to write than others. The most difficult one for me (because of the headspace I was in) is definitely a hand to hold. I truly think i might discontinue it. Petrichor is also a hard one to write for mainly because I have so much written for it in terms of world building. Im also trying not to take away from the mcs personality and her tenacity as she becomes an omega. I don’t want her to be a stereotypical omega in that right. I want her to have the same fire in her as when the met the boys and that’s kind of harder to maintain than I thought. Also, I find I like steering away from smut, and there is definitely going to be smut or at least mating between namjoon and mc within petrichor. I’ve been building up to it for 17 chs now and I don’t want to take away that build up from you guys.

Baby and tlblw are definitely some of the easier fics for me to write because I am more or less writing about my own experiences with my disabilities and just making them more or less something easier to understand and read about when it comes to an mc. Plus, people relate a lot to those mcs which helps a lot. They are more like self inserts than reader fics but I still write them as a reader fic.

I have actually thought about writing novels before. Last year I started world building for one, but quickly lost interest in it ngl. I think I could like rework some of my fics and publish them but mainly enchanted, dot, and petrichor. I have so many TikTok’s saved about publishing and self publishing. I wanted to be an editor/writer in a publishing house in high school but unfortunately listened to family and pursued teaching instead.

As for my creativity, I think about ideas and world building all the time. Even at work I’m constantly in my head, coming up with different stories or working on ones I’ve already thought up. I do have specific times though, where I absolutely need to write something down and my mind won’t let me do anything else until I do. I am very thankful for my notes app when this happens😂

pls don’t apologize and thank you for the big hug🥰🥰❤️❤️🥹🥹🥹

[ofglories]

   technology! it made anything possible — from swift communication between parties to entertainment from streaming services, that of which he had a part in — it served everyone well. for the man that would never be traced easily however, he never had just one. or two, or even three; more than strictly necessary for his identities, while maintaining his secrecy, as those phones would also be swapped out consistently. so how does one reach out to the gentleman thief?

   it's unknown how'd they'd cross paths like this besides fate, as vast as the universe is and locked away the prince of contre'r gwaelod is, nary able to stretch his legs outside of the castle without being surrounded by knights. a chance encounter on the balcony and a request that the threw the land into chaos over the disappearance of their beloved prince — for about a week.

   and what a joyous week it was.

   "well, mon chéri," arsène said, poised along the balcony railing, amused by the increase in security down below by the sheer increase of knights circling the area. now if only they were wise enough to look up! "i believe it's time we part here, for now, to tell your people that you've made a safe return home. that would surely drive them to calm again, able to wave away the kidnapping soon after."

   he utters kidnapping in an amused matter, turning back around to face bors, gazing at the beauty that had joined him as company over the past week, able to amuse arsène well with wit and a hidden sass.

   "in my line of work, my number changes constantly that we can't exchange them here. and no worries of giving away of your own, as i've already gone to the steps to learn of it, safely kept that no one will be able to trace you to me. rather, here is a simple silver whistle. in the case of danger, or say to find some time away, whistle without stopping. i shall arrive shortly."

To be the prince of Cantre'r Gwaelod was to live almost every moment of one's life surrounded by guards. Especially when it came to being outside of the palace even considering the relative safety and peace that the orbital continent experienced day by day. And yet Bors had made it a personal challenge to slip away from the knights and the castle itself whenever possible. If only for a few hours each time due to inevitably being found again before long, usually by the knight captain and her unimpressed stare.

After all, what good was a prince who didn't get to know his people in person?

With that in mind, the unexpected and possibly fated meeting with the gentleman thief had of course ended in only one way. With the prince making a request that would have normally been unthinkable for anyone in his position to even consider.

"Will you steal me away for a while, my good thief?"

That Arsène had agreed hadn't been expected but had made Bors happier than he thought.

And now here they were on that very same balcony a week later, the soft silver glow of the night hiding them effectively from the patroling knights below.

"It's such a shame that we must part for now, but I understand." A week of being free to simply be himself was more than Bors could have asked for. Spending it with someone as unexpectedly entertaining and simply fun to spend time with as Arsène had turned out to be. Really, if only they could spend more time together. "I'll be sure to calm down the captain of the knights, I'm sure she'll understand once she's had time to yell at me for a while."

A small laugh, Bors shaking his head as he looked over the gentleman thief on his balcony.

"Oh?" The whistle was taken into his hands carefully, violet eyes examining the silver before the prince smiled. "So long as I blow on this without stopping, hm? Then I shall treasure it, Lord Arsène, though I do regret not being prepared to give you something in return at this time... Thank you, and know that our week together was a great deal of fun to me."

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw for pretty general abuse talk , gaslighting , self doubt (if I missed any tws I'm sorry in advance)

So, between the ages of 5-15, my mom was considerably abusive towards me in a number of ways, because of her own trauma and untreated mental illness. On top of that she was very absent from my life during everything else I went through, and was often the reason that other abusers would be let into my life.

For the past 2 years or so, I've been working on acknowledging this abuse, due to years and years of my family's gaslighting and belittling my feelings about it all. In August, I moved back in with my mom after a year and a half living with my dad and stepmom, due to her healing enough to see me as an equal, and the fact I became aware of my stepmom's abusive behavior and couldn't handle it anymore. Life has been better than ever for me since I moved back.

She's supportive, and way way way less overbearing and intense. Many members of my system have been able to kindle a relationship with her much like a mother and child SHOULD have, and it started getting really fucking hard to conceptualize that it ever wasn't this way. It's almost like my brain was just waiting for her to be stable enough to latch entirely onto the good, and bury the bad deep down within other alters. I don't know if this is a result of the gaslighting, but even all the processing I had done at my dad's feels non-existent, let alone the trauma itself I had been trying to process. Everything has just been fine forever, suddenly. Which would be great, if I wasnt still having cptsd symptoms, and wasn't still dealing with the disproportionately strong emotions of my alters. I'm just always stuck invalidating my own pain, due to our now relationship, and can't seem to find it in me to say she's an abusive person or would ever do that stuff to me. I'm always normalizing it so it doesn't feel like trauma anymore, too

I just can't seem to find a middle ground, where I'm able to listen to my alters when they say my mom in the past was abusive, and at the same time continue to forgive my mom in the present. I don't know if this is something I can do anything about without therapy, but it's immensely hindering any progress I'm making within my own system and with my (not specialized) therapist, so if you have any advice or just, consolation of normalcy, that would be great

- The Horizon

Hi The Horizon,

I'm sorry about what y'all have been through.

It can be hard to reconcile how to feel about our abusers, especially when they're someone we love or is supposed to protect us. It's normal and okay to have mixed feelings towards your mom.

I also just want to say that while your mom's trauma and undiagnosed mental illness may have influenced her abuse towards you, abuse is ultimately a choice one makes independent of other factors. The fact that trauma and mental illness don't necessarily make someone abusive goes to show that being abusive doesn't really have to do with either of those things. There is no excuse for abuse, and there's no excuse for being mistreated.

The gaslighting could definitely be a factor, and I think part of it may also be that she is your mom, and so part of you may be yearning for that affection so desperately as to try and dismiss the history of abuse. I think therapy can help you and your system work on figuring out how to reconcile the present situation with what has happened. Please know that however you feel about your mom is valid.

I think it's also worth considering the fact that you don't have to forgive your mom, and you can still heal and/or maintain a healthy relationship with her.

Please know that what happened is worth acknowledging, the pain and trauma y'all carry is worth acknowledging, and you are a valid survivor.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if y'all need anything.

-Bun

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

If I were a mutual who would like to befriend you, are there boundaries that come w that?

Fun thing about tumblr is that settings allow anyone to set boundaries within the app and website.

For example, I allow everyone to send me anonymous asks using the app settings because thus far I am okay with them :3

I don't really have anything against DMS, but I don't start conversations and I don't Isuzu hold them well, which is part of the next things.

Alot of my boundaries with social media are things I set for myself. Things like "I can set down my phone whenever I want if the vibes are off", etc, but also

I do not share personal details about my life. Pretty much the only things people know about me are that I'm a white queer from the USA and other shit they've gleaned from my posting about experiences as an [insert identity] person. I don't share things like the events of my day normally, because I like to compartmentalize tumblr and keep my safe persona here seperate. I can spend some time in this little pocket reality.

And I never ask those questions of other people either, because I consider it invasive to want to know more about others than they know of me, [but of course what people choose to share on their own blogs is their own choice <2] so I don't ask more than follow ups (eg. If they say their sister was cool in the orchestra I ask what instrument but that's it. Fake example btw)

Most of my mutuals are people who either I've spam reblogged until we started legit interacting and I've said based stuff about the niche I followed then for, or people who spam reblog me and like my art n shitposts.

Anyone can tag me in stuff regardless of whether we're mutuals or not. I might not always answer, but that is not personal it is part of my personal boundaries. "I only have so much energy to give to this app and website" and "I can block hashtags if I don't wanna see my mutual's blorbo who's source material I don't care about, it's my own damn dashboard" and such.

And I answer specific question anons like this pretty easily, but I have a more difficult time with statements like positivity anons.

I love positivity anons ["if you're getting this it means we appreciate you", etc] but I find it hard to answer these because they are statements and because they sometimes come with instructions on how to pass them on because they are chain anons. Both of these take more energy than I am willing to spend, but I never delete them and I always enjoy getting them <2

I post a lot about Stranger Things and miscellaneous fandoms, and I welcome interaction there. Additions that add more insight or context to a post, etc. This type of conversation is easier to maintain, is something I am comfortable with, and is typical for the website and what I do here.

Of course, I usually don't shy away from conversing with others about what they choose to discuss on their own posts, with the understanding (the hope) that they will tell me if I am overstepping. And I also can drop it off someone appears to lose interest by not adding in case that is then wanting to end the convo.

Going back to asks, I accept asks of pretty much any topic, so long as they are well-intended and something I can answer well, as well as keeping with my blog's sort of "quota" (not getting too personal, relatively "family-friendly" as they say, and these are just my personal preferences, obviously, other blogs have different things going on that fit their own valid and swag preferences)

I also get asks on my sideblog @threesongsinatrenchcoat which is a music blog or either of my sthings rp blogs.

Basically, invade my space and if I haven't blocked you or confronted you just assume you are fine /hj

I hope this answered your question :3 hopefully you are already following because I don't think you as an anon will get notified so you might not even actually see this lol.

UM notice for anyone else who wants to send me anons and find them later: they are tagged as #anons, #asks, and #song spouts bullshit, which is my personal tag.

And since we're on tagging, if it is not anonymous, I tag as the full url or as their nickname and a heart. Fake example #the-real-spiderman-official-not-fake-not-flash-thompson, #petey <2,

[countthereds]

min kol el waja3 elli 7assoh jowwa, et2oolo enni ya3ni makelli 9'arbeh mrattebeh, mish ga3ed bi dari ma basawwi eshi

يعني لو إنه حمار بقلكم ماشي، بس هي مرة مرتين اللي شربت فيها و أختي عاملالي فيها قصة و حكاية. شو يعني، كفرنا إذا حكينا عن الكحول و شربنا

لماو، هو اه كفرنا، بس يعني مش إشي جديد عليها. نفسي تعاملني زي كإني حد بالغ عاقل راشد بقدر يقرر شو يسوي. بعدين شو الواحد تحمس على شغلة، ما أدمنت! ولا حتى كنت مثقل ولا إشي.

wala marra wsilet 5mar 7atta

anyway, there's also the issue with lee. Like, they're in a bad spot, I'm trying to cheer them up and be there and just, do what I can

but lee got injured, couldn't talk, then was sick and slept all the time, and I have work due to start soon so I've been sorta fixing my sleeping schedule a bit so I can wake up to my job and they're pulling shit like "i feel like a dirty secret"

like, i can't begin to explain how very much they Are. do they think I can just date and show that i am dating to my parents but just hide who it is i'm dating? Yes they're a secret, my parents don't even allow me to _date_ what did they expect

no really what DID they expect? me having a social group? people to introduce to them? I've introduced them to all the irl people i talk to. I can introduce them to the rest of the dnd group and try to get them to meet and stuff but I Really don't have anything Else. Ffs, they talked to _my mother_

and i can't talk to anyone about lee because lee met Everyone so I can't just _talk about lee to the people who know lee and now like them_

and even when I go abroad, I won't have any of my _own_ people. they'll like me and stuff but i'll have met them through lee, they'll be Lee's people first.

and like, so they realise how cold and hard that is? how terrifying, for a person who has spent their whole life isolated and barely has social contact with others, to leave Everything behind, and cut contact, lie, hide, and run to you, leaving behind everything they've ever known and like, having nobody but You and your family to go to?

I Want to trust lee, i really do, but this is scary. in my head, family is the only secure people, and i can't shake that off. Family comes with the obligation of caring for you, blood matters. My own _blood_ doesn't like me, you want me to rely on your family liking me enough to consider me family and let me in?

and like, what more could they want, what more really I need to know because at this point i feel like I've wrung my heart dry thinking about it.

They want me to have a schedule when I usually can't. I want to have a regimented time table, it would be so easy and nice, but this is the vacation, nothing is stable and nothing is set in stone. Until i get my job, set into a routine, a schedule is a pipe dream because I have to avoid my parents and siblings and everyone else while I try to live. I don't have a space to retreat to to do the stuff I want, I don't have my own kitchen to eat in as I wish. my parents do not see me as an adult, just an overgrown child and pushing against those boundaries takes so much when all my life they have been tighter around me than even normal children.

I _want_ peace and quiet, I _want_ control over my life, i _want_ to have my own space to persue my own hobbies and likes and dislikes

I want my own apartment, I'd kill for one rn

I don't want to live with anyone else, I want some independence, and I want some freedom to be and act the way I want and dress the way I want and have No one tell me how to do things because i have a functioning brain, thank you, if i need help I'll look it up

yeah, 7 months in, and I don't want the same.kind of relationship that lee talks about. or at the very least, not with the _extra_ circumstances that I am under.

I'd want to date as equals, both of us able to step out and away and have our own autonomy. I want to have my own space, that I only clean and maintain for myself, not because i would be in the way for anyone else. I want to have my own standing, my own social groups, my own LIFE before I make it so that my life is tied irrevocably to someone else.

I mentioned this before, I don't mind being engaged. i like it even. but the marriage would have just been

حبر على ورق

and not like, anything else. I said this, I SAID this how did lee miss it in all of the other stuff I want Freedom, Independence, autonomy first and foremost and THEN i can consider marriage

I'm getting my degree, and THEN we can think of marrying each other. We can remain engaged for as long as it feels comfortable, but marriage is too soon.

I want to _travel_ I want to Leave, i want to Work, I want to save up some money i need a lot more than what the world has dealt me and i am Greedy for life and foods and wines and taste and sights and smells i have never seen before

and screw whoever tells me that's not in store for me. I'd rather be a 60 year old person wandering around than being tied down to nothing

[masongrizchel]

Life is too Demanding to Pave the Way for your Passion ⏳❤️

Note: I'm trying a different format for this blog post.

KEY POINTS:

Recognize the Adjustment Period: Understand that feeling exhausted and needing more rest is a normal part of adjusting to new life changes. Give yourself grace during this time.

Prioritize Self-Care: Resting and allowing your body to heal is crucial. Don’t feel guilty for taking the time you need to recuperate.

Gradually integrate your passions by reintroducing the things you love slowly and deliberately. Even small amounts of time dedicated to your passions can make a difference.

Be Kind to Yourself: Adjustment periods are challenging. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this transition.

I've been in the AI Officer role for a month now. While I enjoy the work environment and the satisfaction of completing tasks, a part of me still yearns for the activities I hold dear. Unfortunately, limited time restricts my ability to work on my blogs and update my podcast (including HPS and other physics tutorials), which I truly enjoy. Once considered plentiful, usable energy and time have become precious resources that I must manage with increasing care. These are some of the struggles I now navigate.

Life has a funny way of getting in the way of the things we love to do. As much as I want to dive into my hobbies, indulge in creative projects, or simply enjoy a good book, I find myself constantly battling the clock. It feels like there’s never enough time, and when I do carve out a moment, I often end up resting instead, giving my body the chance to heal and recuperate. I wonder if this is just part of the adjustment period or something more.

Since transitioning into my new job, balancing work and personal time has been a challenge. The initial excitement of learning and growing in a new environment quickly gave way to a routine that often left me exhausted by the end of the day. I have always believed in the importance of self-care and listening to my body, but I didn’t anticipate how much rest I would need.

Change is hard. Adjusting to a new schedule, new responsibilities, and new environments takes a toll. My body and mind are still adapting to the demands of my new role. It’s normal to feel fatigued and in need of more rest during such periods of transition. I am now directing the energy that used to fuel my hobbies toward acclimating to these changes, leaving little left over for anything else.

I often feel guilty for not spending my free time more productively. There’s a persistent voice in my head reminding me of all the things I could be doing—writing, painting, exercising, or catching up with friends. But I’ve come to realize that this guilt is counterproductive. Rest is not a waste of time; it’s a necessary part of maintaining overall well-being. Healing and resting are productive in their own right, especially during times of significant change.

Despite the exhaustion, I’m gradually finding a new rhythm. It’s about making small, deliberate choices to reintroduce the things I love into my routine. Maybe it’s dedicating just 15 minutes a day to a hobby or combining relaxation with something enjoyable, like listening to an audiobook while resting. It’s important to be kind to ourselves during this process and recognize that adjustment takes time.

As I continue to settle into my new routine, I remain hopeful that I will find a balance that allows me to enjoy the things I love without sacrificing the rest my body needs. It’s a journey, and with each day, I’m learning to better manage my time and energy. Here’s to finding that sweet spot where passion and well-being coexist harmoniously. 🌟

[swueesharts]

Starting from Scratch; A new page in my life

Hello people and rocks, it has been a while since I've written here.

A lot has happened these past few weeks, and I think unwrapping them here would be a great start to my new attempt to blog routinely.

-A pile of teddy bears I discovered during lunch at School.

To begin with, I would like to say that I am transferring schools for the final year of my high school life! Now for all of you people overseas, that wouldn't be that big of a deal. But if I may, I ask to paint this picture; in Korean high schools, lest you take the CSATs, only the first semester of the 3rd year would apply to your college admissions. In other words, I would only have 4 months minimum to somehow adapt to my new school whilst improving my grades stat.

Speaking of adapting, I am also having a hard time trying to organise my old life at my curent school. Despite my hatred for its questionable allocation of assignments and my hollow social life that took place in the school, I still did find some hidden joy in it. I got to meet alot of great, inspiring people, I got to witness alot of wonderful moments from people growing their relationships and themselves. I also had a wonderful time studying English and Spanish with the natives there.

Considering all of that, I find it difficult to abruptly end my journey here. If I transfer, would I be able to form new relationships that I couldn't do til' now? Would I even be able to keep in touch with my old connections as well? And not to mention, would I be able to learn and study English all on my own now that I'll transfer to a normal korean high school?(My current high specializes in foreign languages, or so they claim to be.)

These questions plague my heart, and so for the first time ever, I discovered what it really meant to be troubled as a soon-to-be adult. With no reasonable place to unload, I can't do anything other than hoard all of these troubles within me unanswered. It could just be overthinking things, or it could be my personal warning to myself of the unwanted consequences I'll face in my new page in life.

To soothe these maladies, I looked into the language cafe near my art cram school. Despite its age limit of 20s and up, I'm planning to barge into the cafe when only the owner's present and consult with them to make me an exception. If that fails... I suppose I'll keep trying.

I'm also gonna do my part in maintaining my English fluency at home too. That means indulging myself in English media only, rejuvenating my english iterature passion, and writing on this tumblr weekly, or even daily.

If any of you pals have any great tips or any recommendations on keeping up my fluency in Korea, hit me up. I am open minded enough from the depseration to try anything.

In other news, I got hooked up on the Netflix show about the Konmari method, starring Marie Kondo. I did see the parodies modern adult animations did to poke fun at her philosophy, but I never really knew who she was or what the method entailed exactly. Basically, it's a way to give your house a massive overhaul based on the utils of your belongings. Simply keep the things that truly "spark joy", while thanking the belongings that no longer serves a meaningful purpose and giving them away. This philosophy truly spoke to me as I have a massive problem with hoarding.

You see, I had this aching paranoia that anything I'd discard would've served a greater purpose in the future in ways I can't foresee. So this paranoia stops me from truly discarding anything, to the point of driving my family crazy. I've even had my online friends call my old bedroom pics messy and disorganized.(although in an a e s t h e t i c way, apparently).

I have fortunately grew wary of this problem thanks to the criticisms, and I did improve on my hoarding issues. But alas, the issue still manages to subsist on my paranoia, and it still plagues our home. So I'm hoping that the konmari method would help with the house overhaul my mom planned for the winter holidays.

In conclusion, I had alot of dilemmas concerning my school transfer, tried to think of ways to rememdy my concerns, and also discovered the konmari method much to my delight.

This was Swueesharts, and I'll hope to see you guys soon.

Cheers!

[arotechno]

hey so i saw your post about the concept of soul mates being an inherently bad one and i wanted to ask if like... what if a version of it existed but could be about friends?

not qprs, not friends you live with, just friends?

normally i don't answer these questions anymore (which you seemed to realize, so genuinely thank you for that!), but since you asked nicely and i haven't talked about it in a while i think i will, briefly! this topic hasn't shown up on my blog in a long time so it might be worth rehashing a little.

so my issues with the idea of soulmates are partly about the inherent arophobia and amatonormativity embedded within it (which is the aspect i refuse to argue about), and partly about my own philosophical beliefs and the implications of that.

i'll start with the latter, since it's mostly my own opinion: i don't believe in the idea of fate and i don't like the idea of people's place in our lives being predetermined. i do believe that human connection is a very powerful force, but i also believe that those connections are more meaningful when you consider them to be something you chose for yourself, often almost on accident, and deliberately decided to maintain. for other people things like fate and destiny are an important part of their belief system, and while i don't agree, more power to them, so long as they don't force that belief onto me. so on this front, your mileage may vary.

the other side of this is the amatonormativity and arophobia. i don't really like repeating myself on this anymore lol so i will start by pointing you toward this post that i feel sums up my feelings most strongly (i want to note that my tone in that post is kind of terse and exasperated, but i'm not directing that at you. when i wrote that post at the time i was being harassed constantly by people willfully misinterpreting my posts and making me repeat the same points over and over, and then saying i was mean when i inevitably grew tired of it and snapped).

i think the conversation gets muddied when it's unclear whether people are talking about the portrayal of soulmates as a fictional device vs whether they believe soulmates exist in real life. obviously those are different conversations, but i also believe that the prevalence of soulmates as a fictional trope that many people swoon over and fantasize about reflects cultural ideas of amatonormativity that are harmful to everyone. i'm not sure which you're asking about here, so i'll answer in both ways.

in the fictional sense. i don't think there's anything inherently "bad" or evil about portraying friends as soulmates. i especially don't mind aro people doing it in a reclamatory or exploratory way (hello i have done it! on this blog!). the context of the portrayal really matters and i think the reason me and so many other aros have just decided to blanket-statement disavow the concept entirely is because most people don't know how to portray soulmates in a way that doesn't throw some flavor of aro person under the bus. i would really encourage you to seek out aplatonic and/or loveless perspectives on this, as while i think we reach similar conclusions, they are approaching this issue from a different angle than i am.

in the real life sense... well i've already made clear how i feel about soulmates in general lol. if people want to think of their real life friends or whoever as soulmates i don't really mind that, people are entitled to call their relationships whatever they would like. i just don't want that concept pushed onto me, and i think everyone could do with a little healthy examination of the idea of soulmates and ask themselves whether they are holding some ideal of a perfect person or people that will drop into their life by miracle. because that person does not exist. you have to put in the work.

in a broader sense, and this is something i discuss in the post i linked, constantly broadening the definition of soulmates just muddies the waters. like, if you have to stretch the concept so far that it's barely even recognizable as the same idea that you see in like, plato's symposium, then maybe it's because the concept is bad. people are always like "soulmates are bad? what if [fifteen qualifiers and stipulations]?" and it's just like... just relinquish the word! just get over the need to call everything soulmates! you know? like, you may be saying, "what if friends as soulmates aren't predestined, but chosen?" to which i would say "then that's not soulmates." that's not what the word has, historically and literarily, meant. you can just call it something else. or call your friends your soulmates if you really want to, it doesn't matter to me how you live your life. but what aro people mean when we say it's bad is that it's bad to suggest that everyone has or needs some other person or people who completes them in some way or who is a predetermined part of their life. it throws aros on the bus in general, and nonpartnering/nonamorous, aplatonic, and loveless aros especially so in various ways. and a fictional portrayal of soulmates that defines not having a soulmate as a tragedy on par with death (yes i have seen this with my own eyes) or not reciprocating the feelings of one's soulmate as evil is deeply arophobic and i shouldn't have to explain why.

maybe we don't have to keep changing what "soulmate" means. maybe we can just acknowledge that it's an inherently amatonormative concept. maybe aro people are just allowed to be right about this one!

[the-bau-quinjet]

Shut Up!

Summary: request! Bucky and Y/N hate each other... or so they say.

Warnings: as Steve would say: Language!, but really it's just a bunch of fluff.

Word Count: 1798

a/n: Italics are thoughts in their heads!!

This request brought me so much joy to think about. Happy Birthday anon! Thank you so much for all the love!!! ❤️ 💕 💗 💖 💘

"BARNES!" You screamed, giving him the customary warning before throwing your least favorite knife at him.

He flung himself backward, catching the knife in midair.

Damn, that's hot. You shook the thought away, glaring at Bucky as he turned to look at you.

"Did you just throw a knife at me?" He asked, incredulous.

You rolled your eyes. "You deserved it. Plus, I warned you." You bit back.

"Y/N, you can't just throw knives at people." Steve sighed, tired of the two of you arguing all the time.

"I don't throw knives at people. Just Bucky." You said his name with disgusted expression. "And he deserved it!"

"What the hell did he do to deserve being impaled by a knife?" Sam chuckled, but only to keep the mood light.

"He wasn't impaled. I knew he would dodge it." You defended yourself, sneering at Bucky's smug grin.

"Not the point. What did he do?" Steve asked again, trying to clear the air despite it never working before.

You pulled the beanie you were wearing off your head, showing off your freshly bleached hair. It was nearly white, a stark platinum blonde contrasting your typical dark style.

"You know what they say, 'blondes have more fun'. I was just looking out for your social life." Bucky smirked, enjoying the rage.

She's so cute when she's angry. He thought as he stared at you.

Sam snorted, trying to hold in the laugh under your glare.

"How thoughtful." You quipped sarcastically, leaning in to threaten him. "I'm going to get you back for this." Your words were laced with venom, the anger palpable even in the vast gym.

"Looking forward to it! Thanks for the knife!" Bucky called as you stormed away, ignoring the thoughts lingering in his head. Not cute. Hot. So very hot when she's angry.

-

The next few days, Bucky heard nothing from you. He didn't think much of it, considering you were likely plotting. It wasn't until you started being uncharacteristically sweet to him that he grew nervous.

"Hey, Buck, Steve." You smiled as you walked up to him and Steve.

"Hi, Y/N." Steve greeted you warmly, glad to see you at least acting cordial after the stunt Bucky pulled.

"Hi..." Bucky hesitated, unsure of what you were playing at.

He's so adorable when he's nervous. You shook your head, getting back on track.

"I brought you some drinks!" You excitedly exclaimed, handing the drink carrier to Steve since Bucky seemed frozen in place. "Protein smoothie for Steve, chocolate milkshake for Bucky."

You walked away without another word, throwing a thumbs up to accept Steve's thanks.

Steve happily drank his smoothie, enjoying the energy boost. Bucky just stared at the milkshake before throwing the entire thing away.

"Buck! Don't be a jerk. She bought that for you." Steve huffed, annoyed with his friend's childish behavior.

"I can't trust anything she gives me unless I saw it being made." He shrugged as if it was obvious.

"Jerk, she's not going to poison you." Steve rolled his eyes.

"You don't know that." Bucky shook his head, walking into the kitchen. The idea of a milkshake made him hungry.

The next day, you were back with more treats. This time a cinnamon roll for Steve, something he said was his guilty pleasure, and a chocolate eclair for Bucky. You were grinning ear to ear as Steve thanked you profusely.

She's so adorable when she's this happy.

Once again, Bucky threw it away, ignoring the glare Steve shot his way.

The next days followed the same pattern. You would seek out Bucky and Steve, giving each of them some snack, dessert, or drink. Bucky threw it away every single time, not trusting your motives.

You didn't break pattern for a solid week, watching as Steve grew increasingly annoyed with Bucky throwing away all of your treats.

"I made cookies!" You walked into the living room where everyone was enjoying movie night. You handed out cookies to every member of the team, saving Bucky for last.

As you walked back into the kitchen to return the platter, you heard Steve whisper yell at Bucky.

"Just eat the cookie." Steve glared, thinking you would be upset if you saw him through it away.

"I can't! What if she did something to it?" Bucky whispered right back.

"Buck! She gave one to everyone! You really think she would purposefully keep track of one specific cookie just to get you back?" Steve rolled his eyes, completely fed up with the situation.

"Yes! I really do!" Bucky defended.

"Eat the damn cookie." Steve spoke between his teeth, elbowing him in the side.

"Fine." Bucky hesitated in bringing the cookie up to his mouth, but ultimately gave in.

As soon as he swallowed the cookie, he knew something was off. His whole body felt tingly, but there was a pleasant warmth to it.

A sudden bright flash of light had you walking back into the room, watching as Bucky turned into a cat.

"What the hell..." Sam turned, glancing between the small white kitten and Steve's shocked expression.

He's cuter as a person. You couldn't stop the thought from popping into your head, causing you to chuckle.

Steve suddenly whipped his head to you.

"Y/N. What did you do?" He sighed, exasperated but a little impressed.

A small meow followed the question, earning various "awws" from the entire room.

"I turned him into a cat." You shrugged nonchalantly, pretending this was a normal occurrence.

"Did everything you brought him this week have the power to do... that?" He gestured to Bucky, who hissed at Steve as if to say I told you so.

"Nope." You shook your head, laughing as Bucky wobbled across the couch, not used to how it felt to move as a feline. "I knew he would think I did something to them, so I didn't. Just plain old snacks."

Damn, she is so fucking smart. Bucky's thoughts came out as a purr, startling the room.

"How long is tinman stuck as a cat?" Tony laughed, enjoying the sight.

"Just a few hours. Long enough to think about why he deserves this." You gestured to your hair.

"Can we take pictures of him in cute cat outfits?" Nat questioned, always up for blackmail material.

You pulled a shopping bag out from behind you, pulling a series of Avenger themes costumes.

"I'm one step ahead of you." You grinned devilishly, swiftly scooping Bucky up from off the couch.

-

"You're evil." Bucky glared at you as soon as he turned back into a human.

"You deserved it. Plus, you were so cute as a little kitten." You pouted.

That pout is doing things to me. Bucky shook his head, trying to maintain the angry facade. He ran his hands through his hair, causing your own thoughts to spiral.

What I would give to run my hands through his hair when he wasn't a cat.

"You turned me into a cat!" He yelled, chasing you down the hall back to the living room.

"You died my hair platinum fucking blonde!" You screamed right back, turning on him once you made it to the end of the hallway.

"I can't stand you." Bucky spat, while simultaneously thinking if only she wanted to touch me not as a cat.

"Yeah, well newsflash! I can't stand you either." You glared right back.

The team watched on with amused expressions.

"Who wants to see pictures of kitty Barnes in cat costumes?" You turned to the room, a wide grin adorning your lips. Without waiting for an answer, you displayed your phone on the TV screen.

He is so damn cute. Cat or no cat. You laughed as you swiped through the pictures.

Bucky tried to grab the phone from you, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of enjoying this too much.

Her laugh is like music.

"Oh my god! Shut up!" Wanda suddenly stood up, pointing at the both of you. "You two pretend to hate each other so much, but your thoughts tell different stories."

Your mouth dropped open, shocked at both Wanda's volume and words.

Bucky wore a similar expression, eyes wide and heart beating fast.

"Wanda, you read my mind?" You tried to deflect the attention.

"No. You were just thinking so damn loud it involuntarily popped into my head." She grinned, trying to impersonate your voice as she quoted your thoughts

"Damn, that's hot. He's so adorable when he's nervous. He's cuter as a person. What I wouldn't give to run my hands through his hair when he wasn't a cat. He is so damn cute. Cat or no cat."

"And those are just from the past week and a half!" She yelled at you.

Bucky grinned smugly, forgetting Wanda also heard his thoughts. "Oh, doll. Why didn't you just say you cared?" He asked in fake sympathy.

You glared at him, ready to fight again when Wanda switched focus.

"Don't start with me Barnes. You think just as loudly!" Her voice took on an exaggerated depth as she impersonated Bucky, sighing dramatically between sentences.

"She's so cute when she's angry. Not cute. Hot. So very hot when she's angry. She's so adorable when she's this happy. Damn, she is so fucking smart. That pout is doing things to me. If only she wanted to touch me not as a cat. Her laugh is like music."

"I can't take it anymore! The two of you are driving me insane." She huffed, barging out of the room in an effort to hear nothing but peace and quiet.

Everyone else quickly followed, figuring the two of you could use a minute to talk.

"You think I'm hot." Bucky stated the fact. "That's embarrassing." He grinned, slowly walking closer to you.

"Not as embarrassing you thinking I'm smart." You countered, a matching grin on your face.

"You want to run your hands through my hair." He smirked, placing his hands on your waist.

"My laugh is like music to your ears." You leaned closer.

"Just kiss already!" Sam shouted from the hallway, but the two of you were in your own world.

"Do you want to get dinner with me? Tomorrow?" Bucky asked, his forehead pressed to yours.

"I'd like that." You smiled back.

The two of you moved in tandem, pressing your lips together, fighting for dominance of the kiss.

You pulled back, breathless and needing air. "I hope you know I'm not deleting the pictures of you as a cat."

"I wouldn't think so." Bucky chuckled, pressing another quick kiss to your lips.

"You know what this means?" He asked, an eyebrow raised.

You grinned conspiratorially while nodding. "We can team up on Wilson!"

"My thoughts exactly." He smiled, pulling you into another breathtaking kiss.

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