#as much as i hate the health conscious push that took place in fast food (and in general) the late 2000s and early 2010s

[catastrothy]

borgar?

im burgerless. fryless. fountain sodaless..... a sad existence

[ithebookhoarder]

Chapter 19: In Sickness and in Health (The Gangster’s Daughter)

Description: Life for Tommy Shelby was pretty ordinary; all he ever had to worry about were his family, their business and the Blinders. Nothing more, nothing less. Well, that was until his ‘daughter’, a twelve-year-old girl called Evelyn Westmore, was thrown into his life, dredging up feelings and things from the past he’d done very well to forget.

Also available on AO3:

Warnings: Original Character(s), Canon-Typical Violence, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Explicit Language, Gangsters, Period Typical Attitudes, Parent Tommy Shelby, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent.

Masterlist:

----

The next morning was when Evie finally learned the definition of a hangover. A real hangover. Like, Arthur after a night at the Garrison hangover.

She had barely been conscious a minute before she realised her head was pounding. It was as if someone was driving a hammer into her skull over and over again.

She didn’t dare open her eyes, knowing instantly the pain was going to be too much.

“Fuck,” she whined, pushing her face into her pillow, wondering if by some miracle she could go back to sleep. Of course, it was clear that wasn’t going to happen. Not when she also currently felt like she was suffering from the worst case of sea sickness known to human kind. It made her stomach churn uneasily, and she could feel her whole body shaking.

Evie groaned, weakly turning over to try and sit up in bed. She knew for a fact that her hair was most likely a hell of mess, and the fact her breath felt like acid left her heavily confused.

She honestly had no idea what the hell had happened to her, or why the hell she felt the way she did. It was as if someone had scrubbed her mind so clean it was raw. There was a huge chunk of time missing from her mind from the night before.

What the hell happened?

With a sigh, she peeled back the covers and began to brave her way down to the kitchen below.

Tommy, needless to say, was waiting in the main room, a paper spread out in front of him and a cup of tea in hand. John was also in the kitchen, Arthur beside him as they scoffed their way through the food in front of them - courtesy of Polly.

The woman truly was an angel.

Her father glanced up as he heard Evie enter, only to start laughing at her miserable face. He was enjoying this; she could tell. If she’d had any strength she’d probably have tried to wipe that smile off his face. But she didn’t. She merely shuffled in, sat in the nearest chair and let out a small moan at the fresh smell of food in the air.

“Why do I have bulls stamping on my brain?”

“Because you thought it was a smart idea to challenge Johnny boy here, to a pissing contest,” Tommy remarked calmly, hiding his grin behind his paper. It was clear from his windswept hair and the smell of soot about him he’d been up sometime, already venturing out into the city. How he got the resilience, Evie could never explain.

“What?”

“Which I won, by the way,” John protested, looking unfairly healthy as he helped himself to his breakfast. The smell alone was enough to make Evie want to empty her stomach everywhere.

“But she gave an admirable attempt,” Arthur heckled. “Worthy of the Shelby name I’d say. Almost drank a bottle of her own before she keeled over. Not bad for a slip of a thing.”

Evie groaned, dropping her face down into her hands. “I hate you all.”

“So you don’t want some hot coffee then?” Polly chuckled, placing the cup down in front of her. “Drink that. It’ll help.”

Evie took her at her word, all but downing the steaming drink, praying it helped in some way. “Why do you all drink so much if this how you feel afterwards?”

“You learn your limits,” her father chided. “You build up an immunity too.”

“Clearly I didn’t inherit your Shelby skill.”

“No, but you have determination,” Tommy chuckled. “Clearly you’ve had good teachers.”

“Or bad influences,” Polly countered, turning to glare at her nephews.

“One day, she’ll look back on this and laugh.”

“Not anytime soon, by the looks of her.”

Evie groaned all over again. “I’m right here. You don’t have to talk about me like I’m not - actually, better yet, why doesn’t everyone whisper?”

“PARDON?”

Evie was half way out of her seat and ready to murder Arthur in a heartbeat. It was only Polly’s warning glare that stopped her. That, and the sudden nausea caused by moving so fast.

“Sit down,” her aunt scoffed, placing a plain piece of buttered toast in front of her. “Eat that and then go back to bed. You’ll feel better. I promise. This lot will be gone soon.”

“Sooner the better,” Evie grumbled half heartedly, even though she didn’t mean it. Still, John clearly got the hint and took that as his cue to excuse himself from the meal.

“Right,” John grinned, donning his cap. “I’m off to the garage. Be back in a bit, yeah? Meeting Lizzie so she can cook.” The others nodded, murmuring various acknowledgements as he slipped out into the street.

“I have business too,” Arthur grinned, rising from his seat and patting Evie’s shoulder as he did so. “Just sleep it off, ey? And don’t drink anything Polly gives you. You’d rather die on your own terms than have one of her miracle cures.”

“Oi!”

Arthur sniggered, leaping out of the doorway as Polly rose to slap the smile off of his face. Still, Evie took his word for it. She loved her aunt but she had a suspicion Arthur knew what he was on about. Especially judging by the slightly queazy look on her father’s face.

“The bloody cheek.”

“Leave him, Pol,” Tommy soothed. “He isn’t worth it."

“I wish I’d let Evie rip his throat out now.”

“Oh, there’s still time. Maybe later.”

Evie chuckled under breath. She’d hold him to that. For now, though, she was content to simply make her way through the plate of buttered toast and endless mugs of coffee Polly put before her. “Thank you,” she beamed, watching as Polly kissed her head before helping herself to her own breakfast.

That was how they stayed for the next half hour or so. Once they’d finished, Evie took the plates and went to wash up as a gesture of her gratitude. It also left her father and Polly alone, both of whom had been shooting odd looks at one another to the point where Evie almost wanted to call them out on it.

If they had something to say, they should just say it… unless they didn’t want her to hear?

So, she gave them space, washing dishes and listening to their soft voices echoing through the open doorway.

Evie didn’t need to hear more than the words ‘talk’ and ‘Lizzie’ to know what this was about. It had only been days since John had told her he was thinking of asking Lizzie to marry him. Evie still didn’t know how she felt about it, even though she wanted John happy and she liked Lizzie well enough. However, by the sounds of it, she didn’t have to worry about it any longer.

“Fuck,” Pol muttered. “You gonna tell him? Or am I?”

“I will.”

“Tell him what?” Evie asked slowly.

She couldn’t help it any longer. Her curiosity was greater than her fear of being scolded for eavesdropping. Besides, it was hardly like this conversation was that private. Else, they’d have taken it to the offices on the other side of the shop floor if they hadn’t want to be overheard.

She simply stepped into the doorway and waited for an answer.

Tommy sighed. He blew out a thin stream of smoke and looked at Pol. The look between them was enough for them to understand one another.

Polly blinked. “That leopards never change their spots.”

Just like that, Evie felt even sicker - something she hadn’t thought possible. It didn’t take a genius to work out what Polly was referring to. Part of her hoped she was wrong though, that her father and aunt hadn’t conspired to break John’s heart.

She watched her father go and turned back towards the stairs. All she wanted now was to crawl into bed and sleep the remainder of the headache away. “Fuck.”

It appeared she wasn’t the only one who would be suffering that day.

--------

Thankfully, after a hot bath, plenty of coffee and a long sleep, Evie felt almost as good as new. She didn’t even mind the fact her father decided to wake her the following morning, ripping open the curtains and letting the morning sunshine burst into the room.

“Rise and shine, Evelyn.”

Evie groaned, pulling the pillow over her head in a vain attempt to block his voice out. “What’s the smile for?”

“Get dressed and you’ll find out.”

As if the shock of seeing her father in her room wasn’t enough to peak her interest, his proposition definitely did the trick. Evie was alert instantly. She couldn’t actually remember the last time he’d woken her up, let alone in such an odd mood.

She tried not to laugh as he tugged the covers off of her, doing his best as she clung on for dear life. Playful Tommy was rare. She half expected a cold bucket of water over the head or for him to be banging pans together instead.

“Dad,” Evie whined, surrendering and sitting upright. “What the hell is going on?”

“As I say, get dressed and come downstairs. We’ve got somewhere to be,” her father explained, gesturing to the dresser in the corner of the room.

To her utter surprise, a dress was already laid out and waiting for her - a beautiful sky blue dress, but one she’d never seen before.

Had he bought it for her?

“Polly picked it our for you so don’t keep her waiting,” he continued, as if sensing her questions. However, he gave her no more opportunities to ask them as he turned and left her to get ready for the absurd day ahead of them.

Evie couldn’t even begin to process it all. What had just happened? Was she still dreaming?

She managed to pry herself from her bed and wander over towards the dress. A single touch of the silky fabric was enough to prove this wasn’t a dream. This was very very real… and very expensive.

“Damn it, Pol,” she sniggered, reminding herself to talk to her aunt about wasting money on her like this. Whilst she absolutely adored the garment in front of her, she also knew they couldn’t really afford it.

Nevertheless, she’d learned a long time ago when to pick a battle with the Shelby family and when to simply go along with their wishes. This was definitely one of those times to go with the latter option. So, she stripped herself of her nightclothes and began to get ready for the day, washing away the sleep from her eyes in the washbasin and tidying her hair as best she could.

A few minutes more and she was ready. One final look in the mirror confirmed as much.

She slipped on her shoes and grabbed her coat, hurrying downstairs as fast as she was able. If her father was as excited as he’d seemed about today then she knew better than to keep him waiting. Even if she was nervous about what lay ahead, Evie couldn’t help but be a little excited too. However, as she hurried into the parlour, she was surprised to see it empty.

Her father was no where to be seen.

“What the hell?” she whispered.

That was when the door opened. That was when the last two people she’d expected to come strolling through together, did just that, grinning ear to ear.

“Polly what on earth is going o-” Evie began. She stopped, however, the moment she laid eyes on the woman next to her. “Ada?”

Like that, she was upon her, hurling herself at her aunt in disbelief. The heavily pregnant woman didn’t mind though, laughing as she cradled her back, peppering kisses to her cheeks.

“Oh my god. I’m glad to see you.”

“I missed you too,” Ada whispered. “It’s been too long.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Tommy invited her,” Polly smirked, visibly touched by the scene. “Family should be together on days like this one. We have a one day truce, thank god. I love a good wedding.”

“A wedding?”

She wasn’t the only one confused. Ada looked as bewildered as she felt. However, Evie finally took a moment to properly examine the moment. It was then she realised they were all dressed impeccably, with fine dresses and coats. Polly even had a hat on, something she saved for church or special occasions. How Evie had missed it was beyond her. Clearly, she was getting rusty.

“Apparently.”

“Whose?”

“I thought it was obvious,” Polly chuckled. “So, shall we go? Otherwise we’ll miss the bloody thing… I never thought I’d see the day John Shelby re-married. To a Lee of all things.”

Wait.

John.

This was John’s wedding?

To a Lee girl?

Not Lizzie?

Evie blinked. She froze and stared at the woman in disbelief. “You’re fucking joking? Right?”

Both Ada and Polly shook their heads. “It was your father’s idea,” Polly explained, adjusting her hat in the mirror before opening the door and ushering them towards the car. “It was a deal proposed by the Lees. Tommy agreed on John’s behalf. Kill two birds with one stone.”

Evie had a suspicion someone would be killed if that really was the case. “Does John know?”

“They’ll have told him by now.”

“Fuck. Now I see why they all left together.”

It took an army to make a Shelby do something they didn’t want to do. John especially. Evie felt bad at the thought. What if he didn’t want this? Why was her family forcing him into this? Was it too late to stop it?

Then again, her father loved his family more than life itself. He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t have John’s approval or hadn’t meticulously thought this whole thing out. Had he even met the bride to be?

Evie sighed. Why were Shelby weddings always so complicated? At least this one wasn’t in secret, a fact she was grateful for as she turned to her aunt and took her hand. The fact she was here beside her already made her feel ten times better.

“Freddie not with you?”

Ada shook her head. “No, but it’s alright. I’m… I’m glad to see everyone.”

“We’re glad to see you too,” Polly hummed, kissing both Ada and Evie’s cheeks. “Now. Stop nattering and get in. We have a wedding to get to and I don’t want to miss this for the world.”

The girls didn’t need to be told twice. They knew an order when they heard it. They had a wedding to get to after all. John’s wedding… God help them all.

---------

The ceremony was brief but pleasant. Even her father and Ada seemed to be getting on, grinning and teasing one another as Jonny completed the ritual, standing in front of the crowd gathered in the shipping yard the Lees currently called home.

Evie had never been to a gypsy wedding before. Not one like this, with so much colour and excitement for what was usually quite a somber ceremony according to the church she was used to. Yes, Esme - her newest relative - was wearing white as she made her way down the aisle, but that was pretty much where the resemblance ended. After all, when had church ever involved the use of a knife before? … or real blood?

Evie had clearly been going to the wrong services.

“That’s the mingling of the two bloods. Where two families become one family,” Jonny explained, grinning ear to ear as Esme and John clasped hands together. The look on their faces said it all. “I now pronounce you, man and wife! Go on John, kiss the bride, will you?”

The cheer was instantaneous, as were the celebrations that followed.

Evie was quick to hug and congratulate John and his new bride. To her relief, he seemed happy - excited even, and who could blame him? Esme was gorgeous. After a few moments of talking, Evie had also deduced that she was wild and almost as much of a true gypsy as Polly. She was also kind, witty and clever - she had to be if Tommy had accepted her to join their family, their side of this now resolved conflict. He wouldn’t have accepted just anyone and yet again, they were all forced to have faith he knew what he was doing.

That didn’t mean Evie had to hold it against Esme. No matter how she’d joined the Shelby clan, she was a Shelby nonetheless and Evie knew better than most how daunting it was to join such a clan as this.

“Congratulations,” she smiled once more, kissing John’s cheek and nodding at his bride. “Be good to one another.”

“We will be.”

“And welcome to the family, Esme.”

“Thank you,” she nodded, grinning as John slid his arm about her waist and held her close.

Evie took that as her cue to leave the newly weds to it. As it was, one of the younger Lee boys had decided to take advantage of the fact she was currently by herself, lingering by the now raging dance floor.  

He was quick to stand beside her, taking her hand and shoot her a teasing grin. “Fancy a dance?”

Evie automatically went to decline, but changed her mind. He was handsome and the night was young. “Why not?” she shrugged. It was a night of peace and celebration after all. “Just don’t blame me if I stand on your toes.”

With that, she let him grab her other hand and spin her into the crowd. She didn’t know the steps, if there even were any, nor did she know the song the band were singing. All she knew, was that she felt weightless, skipping about with her partner.

“I’m Antony,” he grinned, bellowing to be heard over the violin and drumbeats.

“Evelyn!”

“Pleasure to meet you, Evelyn Shelby!”

Give it five more minutes, and several broken toes, and she’d see if he still felt that way after all.

------

Just because the light soon disappeared, didn’t mean the celebrations did. In fact, as candles and lanterns were lit, so too were everyones spirits; There were drinks being poured, games of cards being won, and at one point - gunshots and fireworks.

It was official, Evie loved weddings. Particularly, Shelby weddings.

She also liked dancing and was not looking to stop anytime soon. She’d danced with multiple partners, making her way around the floor before finally ending up beside her aunt. For a pregnant woman, Ada was doing rather well at keeping up.

To be honest, if Evie was having fun, then Ada was on a whole other level. It was almost hysterical watching as her aunt spun and cheered and staggered about the place. After weeks, months even, without her, she was glad to have her back and making mischief with her.

“Fuck. I missed dancing!”

“That’s not dancing!”

“It is!” she protested, snagging Evie’s arm and spinning her around and around. “I should know. I taught you, didn’t I?”

Evie erupted into laughter at the memory. “I think we broke Polly’s vase when you tried to dip me!”

“And her clock with that lift!”

Both girls erupted into further laughter, tears trickling down their cheeks. All Evie could see was the memory of her aunt Polly’s face as she’d come into the kitchen to find Ada lifting Evie over her head, surrounded by broken china and glass.

“God! I’ve missed you,” Evie whined, hugging Ada close as her emotions over took her for a second. Her aunt didn’t seem to mind though as she hugged her back tightly.

“I’ve missed you too. We should never go this long without speaking ever again.”

“Fine by me. After the baby’s born, we should go dancing together.”

“Fuck yes!”

As if proving her enthusiasm for the idea, Ada began to twirl all over again, faster and more manically than before. Apparently it was enough to worry her family. Arthur was by their side in an instant.

“Come on, Ada. Enough now. Enough,” he tried, to no avail. He went to reach for her, only for her to spin away faster. “Ada.”

Even Tommy was coming over from his seat, sighing as he approached. That was enough to knock the smile from Evie’s face, especially as she noticed Polly’s concerned expression. What did they expect? Ada had always enjoyed living vicariously and she’d been locked away for weeks.

“Ada,” her father coaxed, addressing her like some spooked animal. “Come on, have a rest. Sit down now.”

“Come and look, Esme! Look at the family you’ve joined!” Ada bellowed in reply. “Come look at the man who runs it, who picks his brother’s wives for them!”

Evie turned, an apology already on her lips as John and Esme were startled from their own celebrations. She could see John was about to say something less than nice to his drunk, pregnant sister.  

“He hunts his own sister down like a rat, and tried to kill his own brother-in-law!”

“Ada, that’s enough!” Arthur urged, as both Polly and Tommy closed in.

“Now, he won’t even let me have a fucking dance!-”

“Ada!”

“-Not even at a fucking wedding,” she seethed, glaring at Tommy whilst Polly tried to wrap her arms around her niece and guide her to a chair.

“Sit her down,” John pleaded.

Jesus. Every Shelby was involved now. Only Finn appeared to be missing and he was too busy playing with the Lee children to care. Else, he’d have found it hilarious.

“Calm down, Ada. Calm down.”

However, Ada’s face was anything but calm. In fact, it looked horrified. Polly only had to glance down to know why.

“Holy shit.” She sighed. “Water. Right.”

“Bloody hell Ada,” Arthur groaned. “You do pick your times.”

“Her water’s broke!”

“I didn’t plan this!”

“Right we need to move.”

“Get off me, Tom.”

Everyone erupted into chaos. Evie lost track of who was talking or even in charge of the scene. She simply followed, excitement and panic coursing through her as she took Ada’s hand and squeezed.

“Evie?”

“I’m right here,” she promised, helping towards the waiting car. “I swore it at the beginning and I meant it. You’ll always have me. I’m not going anywhere. Not until we have a screaming baby in your arms.”

-----------

Screaming.

So much screaming.

It was official - Evie was never having a baby.

“It hurts!”

“I know,” Polly cooed, manoeuvring the sheets about as she peered up from her position between Ada’s parted legs. “If it didn’t it wouldn’t be called labour.”

“I want Freddie!”

“Ada-”

“Please!” she sobbed, laying her sweaty head back against Evie’s chest. Despite Polly’s warning Evie had chosen to stay. She wasn’t going anywhere. Even if she knew nothing about delivering a baby, she knew all about loving and supporting her family. She and Ada had been there for each other time and time again.

Nothing had changed, just because Ada was married.

“You can do this,” Evie whispered, kissing her aunt’s damp brow. “Freddie’s on his way. You heard Polly. Dad’s given his word. Freddie can come. He’ll be here any second.”

“So will this little one,” Polly urged as Ada yelped again, a contraction cutting off the conversation.  “Keep going. That’s right. Push.”

And to her credit, she did. Ada pushed, screaming and crushing Evie’s hand in the process. Yet, Evie wouldn’t have had it any other way. Her heart was racing as within the span of mere minutes she heard the soft cries of a baby.

Ada’s baby.

“Oh my god,” she whimpered, hugging Ada tightly as she tried to catch her breath. Polly and Esme were doing their part, cleaning and tidying everything below before presenting the baby to its mother. “You did it, Ada. You did it.” “I did,” she giggled, almost deliriously. She looked like she could have slept for weeks.

“Ada. Congratulations, darling. It’s a boy.” Polly’s voice broke them from their celebration as they turned their eyes downward to the cloth wrapped bundle now being passed their way. Soft, tiny fingers poking out were all Evie could see as she gaped at her new cousin.

She wanted to cry. Damn it, Ada and Polly actually were crying, as was the baby. It was a room of crying people. All shedding happy tears though.

“A baby boy,” Ada whispered, staring at the bundle in her arms.

Then they heard it.

The door banging below.

“Ada! Come on! Open up!”

“Freddie,” Ada whimpered, exhausted eyes turning to the hall. She didn’t even have to ask. Polly was already half way down the stairs. The already perfect moment would now be complete, as would their family now that the father had arrived. Just in time too.

He would get to meet his son.

Evie couldn’t have been happier for Ada, grinning as she heard Freddie’s frantic footsteps approaching. The look on his face as he burst into the room was awestruck.

Then again, seeing his wife, beaming ear to ear, cradling their newborn in her arms tended to have that affect on a person.

“It’s a boy, Freddie,” Ada whispered.

Freddie simply blinked. His smile grew as he took the invitation, approaching slowly before perching on the stool next to them. Evie was quick to move aside, allowing him to take her place as he reached over and took the bundle for himself.

One look was all it took.

He was in love.

“It’s a beautiful baby boy,” he gaped, much to everyone’s amusement. Polly even wiped her eyes hastily, as if trying to hide her tears of joy. “There you go. Welcome to the world, son. Welcome to the world.”

His tone was of wonder and of euphoria as he stared down at the boy in his arms. Who knew what he was thinking.

Was that how her father would have looked, had he been there for her birth? Would he have stared at her like she was his entire world? Evie gulped at the thought. It was stupid to think of such things, but she couldn’t help it. A small part was jealous as she witnessed the tender tableau before her.

The truth was, her mother had probably been alone. Who had she had as a friend to hold her hand or assist with the birth? Maybe their neighbours? They were always kind to them, looking out for the small family. Still, it wouldn’t have been like this, that much Evie was sure of. Not full of love and support.

Her mother had had her reasons, Evie knew that. It just didn’t make witnessing what they could have had any less painful.

“What are you going to call him?”

“Karl,” Ada grinned, answering Esme’s question. “After Karl Marx.”

“Who?”

“Bloody hell,” Polly sniggered. “Karl’s a lovely name, Ada.”

A lovely name for a lovely boy. Evie was about to say as much when there was yet another knock at the door. Well, knock probably wasn’t the right word, not when the door rattled under the weight of their visitor’s fist.

“Police! Open up!”

Everyone froze. No one knew what to do.

The Police? The Police were here? Why? How?

“Oh god,” Evie choked, reaching instinctively for Ada and taking her hand. She also watched as Polly was quick to snatch Karl out of his father’s arms and placed him securely back with his mother.

That was all they had time for as the door burst open down below. Everything that followed for the next five minutes was pure pandemonium. Evie didn’t even know where to look. She lost track with the sudden surge of bodies in the house, all arguing and brawling, dragging Freddie outside with them.

Esme was vicious in her attempts to defend her new family. Polly too, was screaming blue murder as she tried and failed to stop them. She was also gone, storming out mere moments after the Police had left.

No one needed to ask to know where she was headed, or whom she intended to see. “I’m gonna set this right,” she’d rambled, kissing a now hysterical Ada as she left.

How? How could anyone make this right? Evie didn’t know how it could have gone wrong. No one knew Freddie was here. Her father had given his word. He wouldn’t have lied to them… not today… not even he was that callous.

Right?

Evie wished she could be sure. However, she had bigger concerns than her father’s integrity to worry about; Ada was already pushing herself up, onto her feet, and trying to reach for her forgotten coat and shoes.

“I need to go home.”

“No,” Esme pleaded, trying to force her to sit back down by the fire. “You just gave birth. You need to rest.”

“What I need is my husband,” Ada sobbed. “I need to be out of this house!”

Evie took that as her cue to intervene, before her aunt did any damage to herself or anyone else in the room. “I’ll take you home, ok?” she offered, reaching for her arm. “We’ll take the car. Save you walking.”

“But-”

Whilst well intentioned, the look Evie passed Esme told her it was hopeless. She’d soon learn Shelby women did only what they wanted, when they wanted. Everyone else could be damned. Right now, Ada cared about one thing and one thing only: keeping herself and her baby safe. That meant getting as far from Shelby territory as possible.

“Tell Polly where we’ve gone if she comes back, ok?” Evie stated, nodding at Esme.

To her credit, Esme didn’t argue. She hurried to gather Ada’s things, helping Evie to assist her aunt and new-born cousin into the back of the waiting car. She even offered to accompany them.

“I know about babies and what needs doing now,” she explained, hopping into the passenger’s seat. “I’ll be more use to you there than sitting on my ass here.”

Evie and Ada were visibly grateful for her company; They were going to need all the help they could get.

-------------

It was hours before either Evie or Esme returned. In fact, the sun was already beginning to rise as Evie rounded the corner of Watery Lane, the engine humming as it bounced across the cobbles. Whilst she much preferred riding to driving, she’d learned all the same during the war. When there hadn’t been any men to drive anywhere.

Like riding, she loved the solitude and freedom driving offered. She only wished she could turn the car around and drive away from it all… anywhere else… anywhere but here would have been good enough for her.

Her rage had been steadily building with every moment that had passed since Freddie had been taken. By now, she was shaking as she controlled the urge to march inside her house and shoot the lot of them.

Instead, she ground to a halt, slamming the car door harder than necessary and barging her way into Watery Lane.

She’d hardly made it in the door before Polly was upon her, wide eyed and panicked.

“Is she-?”

“She’s alright, Pol,” Evie soothed, glad to see the immediate relief in Polly’s eyes. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t be hurrying back to Ada the moment she could, to check on her for herself. “She’s sleeping. I made sure she ate and kept an eye on her. Esme did too. She’s there to help with feeding and stuff when the baby wakes. Ada just needs sleep.”

Her aunt’s face relaxed at the news, but her skin was still too pale. “She shouldn’t be alone. Not now.”

“She didn’t have much choice,” Evie spat, her eyes following to the guilty party. The one who had made this divide. “Isn’t that right, Dad?”

She hadn’t even acknowledged the others in the room until that point, but now her stare was ice cold as she focused on them.

She snapped.

She grabbed the nearest item - a teapot of all things - and hurled it at his head. Luckily, Tommy dodged, meaning it shattered harmlessly against the wall. But the look of disbelief on his face was accurate enough.

“Oi!” he warned, hurrying to reach her before she could throw something else. Had John not wrapped his arms around her, she probably would have. There were several teacups she had always hated in particular, lying within reach in an open invitation. “Listen to me! I didn’t do this.”

“Then who did?” Evie bellowed.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t-? Bullshit.”

Evie spat at him, breaking free of John and pushing him off of her.

“Pack it in!” he begged, rolling his eyes. “Tommy wouldn’t do this.”

Whether they believed him or not didn’t matter. Evie knew in her heart they’d been betrayed. If not by her father then who was it? Who was she supposed to believe had this kind of information, other than family?

“First you dictated John’s life. Now theirs? Is there anyone you won’t control?”

“Evie-”

“Don’t,” she seethed, panting from the exertion. “Don’t touch me. If you had anything to do with this,” she warned, “then I’ll never speak to you again. Ever.”

“It wasn’t me!”

“Promise?”

“Promise! On your mother’s life.”

A stray tear escaped Evie’s eye as she turned and stormed back across to Polly. Such an oath had to be honoured until it was proven otherwise. But that didn’t mean Evie had to like it. So, she choose to leave her father where he stood: on shaky ground.

[lost-tanuki-whump]

Hostage Situation - Part 2c

Prompt Challenge: Hanging by the wrists, Rescue Cast: The Disaster Five Word count: 2.4k

* * *

Leonida didn't have perfect knowledge of the area they were in but decided that she could allow herself to slow down after running in a straight line for over an hour. They were in the middle of nowhere. She'd expected as much, Gren and her had had to walk a long time before finding the building. Their surroundings right now were made up of boulders and rocks and mostly felled trees. It took her a while to find a good shelter for Arkady, because the first she came across was a huge burrow and she wasn't sure what kind of animal she'd have to wrestle out of there, and it definitely wasn't worth the risk of getting her human crewmate involved when he was barely awake. She eventually stopped upon finding a natural pit in the earth beneath the rocky overhang of a boulder that was three times her height. All she'd need was to roll over two thinner slabs of rock and it'd be good against bad weather. Maybe she'd fine a third one to hide them. That would be good.

First things first, however. Leonida crouched in the dirt and pulled Arkady down from her shoulders to lay him in the earth. His blue eyes stared straight ahead and never once alighted on her face, and he didn't stay laid out on the ground the way she'd lowered him there; instead his body slowly curled up in a foetal position like a dying bug, small and tight the way she'd found him in the chest. His dirty hair stuck in clumps againt his wet forehead, long enough now that it nearly reached his eyebrows. He was wet and shivering and his dislocated arm hung uselessly down his flank. The rain had washed out most of the dried blood and where it wasn't dark from bruises or red from open wounds, Arkady's skin was paler than usual. His dark freckles stood out across the bridge of his nose even in the ebbing daylight. Leo noticed that his cheekbones were sharper. He looked sick.

"Arkady," she firmly said. He didn't react.

There was that nasty stab wound at his shoulder from the day before that was still seeping blood, and Leo remembered he'd been laying on his bad side when she'd found him in the chest. Fucking assholes hadn't even been careful about that. Or maybe it had been intentional. Leonida felt her anger rise and forced herself to focus. There was another wound all the way across his back that looked older, more superficial, and it was red and puckered. Leonida remembered he'd gotten that one about a week ago. The rest of the cuts and bruises littering his body seemed to have been healing all right- as well as they could have in those conditions. She laid her hand on his shoulder to turn him over and he resisted, his breaths coming in rapid forced bursts, still staring ahead.

"Okay," quietly said Leo.

She couldn't see any serious wounds on his front from her vantage point, but there was a one somewhere on his body that had stained her suit and she needed to find it.

"I'm going to feel for wounds."

She didn't wait for his assent because she knew she wasn't going to get anything from him in his state. Leonida slipped her hand under his flank and ran it from his hip to his armpit in search of an opening. Arkady shuddered violently when the heel of her palm brushed against one of his thick, jagged scars.

"Hey, it's okay, it's just me. I already know."

He'd started shaking more than before and wouldn't stop. Leonida kept going, there was no point in stopping just because he was having an automatic fear response. All she felt was the way his ribs stood out. She guessed that he hadn't been fed more than she had, and though Leo had refused everything that had been given to her, Arkady would have had no choice but to accept the small piece of bread and the shallow bowl of water. She wasn't that surprised that he hadn't been able to stand after spending a month on that diet and going through all that abuse for two weeks.

Leonida searched some more and finally found a deep cut right below his right collarbone. Her fingertips came away wet with blood and she could see thick pale liquid glistening there as well. She made a face. It had felt swollen and hot, nothing good ever came of that.

Leonida finished her check-up to make sure there weren't worse injuries and decided she'd have to start with the arm. There was a risk of nerve and muscle damage after leaving it dislocated for too long, especially since Arkady had been hung up by his wrists several times for beatings which had likely fragilized his shoulders, and if the damage became chronic no healing pod would be able to fix that. Leo scooted to the side, lifted a leg over his body to immobilize Arkady's shoulder with one foot and grabbed his wrist with her good hand, and didn't warn him before abruptly tugging and twisting his arm back in his shoulder.

Arkady shouted in pain and his arm jerked out of her grasp, and Leo lost her balance trying to get off of him as fast as she could. Her ass hit the dirt while Arkady hid his face behind his arms, starting to beg again just like he had when she'd found him in the chest.

"Proshu, pozhaluysta, ne nado," his voice broke on a sob, "ya umolyayu tebya, ne delay etogo... Ya nichego ne znayu, poetomu, pozhaluysta, ya tebya umolyayu...!"

Leonida knew jack shit about Russian. She only knew that Arkady sounded miserable and desperate and it hurt to see him this way. Leonida quickly got back to her knees to lean closer to Arkady.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, it's me. It's Leo." She gently touched his hand and he violently flinched away, but she didn't take her fingers away from his icy skin. "Leonida Trust, remember? Your captain? You think I'm really annoying."

Still shuddering, Arkady slowly angled his face towards her. His blue eyes were wide and distant, eyebrows pinched in terror.

"Ya umolyayu tebya-"

"I don't know what that means, Arkady," softly said Leo over his pleading. "But I can tell you you're safe here. It's just me and you."

He fell silent and continued staring at her as if waiting for the next blow, cheeks wet from his silent crying. Leo wasn't sure he'd really understood. She'd rarely seen anyone so traumatized in her life and that was saying something. It made something heavy and cold weigh deep inside of her to know that they'd been making Arkady this way while she was only a few rooms over. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then tried to wipe the man's tears away.

He recoiled again and immediately started begging: "Proshu, pozhaluysta-"

"Okay, okay," she quickly said and retrieved her hand. "Not your face. See? Not your face."

Arkady went silent again, his breathing just as unsteady as the rest of him, and continued gazing at her the way she imagined a hunted animal would.

"God... They really messed you up, didn't they," she murmured. "Can you speak English? Do you think you can speak English for me, Arkady?"

He didn't answer. She waited. After too long had passed, Arkady's unfocused gaze started drifting away from her face.

Leo leaned in. "Arkady? Can you say something in English?"

He didn't react, and just like that, he was gone again.

Leonida had seen this in soldiers she'd had to rescue from torture before. Sometimes they were perfectly conscious and awake even after months of nonstop abuse and turned out erratic, angry, scared, or all of the above; sometimes they had to be carried out because they were catatonic just like Arkady had been. Some cracked after a year, others after a week. Mostly, it depended on the kind of shit they'd already had to go through before and whether or not the individual was the "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" type. Leo wasn't sure exactly where Arkady was situated on that spectrum, but from the things she'd noticed while living with him over the last months, he was definitely more brittle than the average soldier in their twenties. In the end, it wasn't that surprising to her that their captors had succeeded in breaking him.

Leonida stared at her second in defeat. Getting him to talk to her wasn't the main objective for now, she had to tend to the rest of his wounds. She went to kneel next to his shoulder and sifted through the health protocols she'd been taught, and made one of her chest compartiments draw back to take out desinfectant and antibiotic solutions. She couldn't be sure that it was signs of systemic infection he was displaying with his shivering and confusion, even if it could've been only psychological and because of the cold, but she wasn't willing to wait for a fever to break out.

Leonida quickly rubbed desinfectant into his wounds and then tried to make him drink the antibiotic. She'd half-feared that he wouldn't react and she'd have to force him somehow, but as soon as Arkady felt a drop of moisture settle on his cracked lips, his tongue automatically swiped at it and sought out more of the liquid. Leonida was able to simply hold the small plastic bottle in place while Arkady mindlessly drank.

When there was no more left, Leo retrieved the empty bottle and felt guilty when Arkady tried to go after it. Hopefully this behavior meant he'd accept solids too. Leo quickly produced a box of painkillers and pushed one out of its blister to gently shove it in Arkady's mouth. He eagerly swallowed that, too, and then his teeth grazed against Leo's fingers when he tried to find more to eat.

"Sorry, Arkady," she told him as she pulled her hand away. This felt like feeding an animal and it felt horribly wrong. She hated to see the cynical, grumpy technician she'd been trying to befriend reduced to this state. Leo had a feeling Arkady would hate it too, when he came back from this and remembered.

She needed to get him food and water but she didn't even have anything to collect rain. She needed to get him clean clothes, too, and something to sleep in. She'd have to start with making the shelter better protected from the elements of nature and make a fire. He'd survive no matter the conditions as long as she found him food and water soon, but Leo wasn't willing to see his recovery drag because he was cold and half-naked. She hoped that clothes and a warm sleeping bag would help him feel safer, too, and that maybe it would fix what was wrong with his mind. There was no way she could risk going back to the ship when she wasn't sure to have killed all of the hunters in that building, so she'd have to find supplies in the nearest town. Until then, they'd be stuck as they were.

Leo knew she wouldn't be able to allow Arkady as much rest as he needed because they had an opiel to save, too.

Leonida got up and stepped out from beneath the rocky overhang to get what she needed for a better shelter. She didn't go far and never let Arkady out of her sight for more than a few short moments at a time. After half and hour she'd rolled a smaller, blocky boulder to one side and a broken slab of layered rock on the other. It was very crude and left drafts of winds coming in from three places at once but at least Arkady would be hidden in there.

Leonida had wanted to find foliage to cover him with but only found damp pieces of wood; what this place made up for in abundance of rocks, it lacked in any kind of plants. She gathered enough thick branches to ensure a lasting campfire and hurried back to Arkady, dropping it all next to him and then proceeding to gather stones to delimit a zone on the ground in a circle. Leonida piled everything at its center and picked up the two sharp rocks she'd selected to start the fire. Rubbing them together with enough force to produce a spark was a piece of cake for her, getting the damp wood to catch on fire was not.

It took a while, and when it did finally catch on Leonida had to spend twenty minutes waving all the smoke away from Arkady while the wood dried out in the flames. She noticed that Arkady had dug his fingers in the soil at some point and Leo hoped that meant he was getting his bearings. Leo surveyed the fire for a little bit and once she was sure it was strong and steady enough that it wouldn't go out too early on its own, she turned to Arkady and carefully laid her fingers on the back of his hand. He didn't move, but she was satisfied to see that his skin was getting a bit warmer.

"You should sleep, Arkady. It's safe now."

Arkady's empty blue eyes had stayed open the whole time, if only closing to blink from time to time, and his tears weren't flowing anymore. Leo wondered if he'd been kept in that chest after every beating. If they'd somehow figured him out and used his claustrophobia against him to push him over the edge. If his blindfold had always been as damp with tears as when she'd pulled it away, and she just hadn't been able to see it on the grainy quality of the surveillance feed that she'd been shown. Leonida pushed the thoughts away for later, for whenever Arkady would be able to tell her.

"If you could come back in the morning, that would be really nice. It's lonely when you're not grumbling."

He didn't show any sign that he'd heard her. Leo stayed crouched before him in the same position for a while then eventually shifted on her feet to go lay down at his back, carefully keeping a few inches of distance between Arkady's ruined skin and the front of her suit. Leonida didn't emit as much heat as humans did and she briefly thought about the way J complained in winter because the material of her suit got cold. Right now it was warmed from tending to the fire, and she was at least preventing Arkady's back from being exposed to the chill of the windy drafts.

"I hope you're closing your eyes," she told the back of Arkady's head.

He didn't answer, of course, didn't even twitch as his curled-up body continued its steadfast trembling.

Leonida herself stayed awake through yet another night.

[allthebooksandcrannies]

i just need to vent here

NI’m going to put a read more link in here so its not just this extremely long post but i need to vent where no one i know is going to see it and get all offended but i also need to look like i’m doing gre prep. this is mostly me just yelling into the void but i’d also appreciate any advice or feedback anyone wants to give.

i don’t want to accidentally hurt someone so trigger warnings for discussion of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, emotional crisis, mention of rape, mention of homophobia, dead dove do not eat

so, my mom and i had another fight last night that kinda picked up again this morning and i feel really shitty but i’m not gonna stop obsessing over it and everything else it stirred up until i get it out so i’m just gonna stream of consciousness over here.

lately it seems all my mom ever do is fight and i made her cry again so i guess that makes me the asshole because the guilt is real right not but guilt and self-hatred is also my general default i think so maybe i’m being to hard on myself? like, its not like i also didn’t want to cry and i feel like she took my words and twisted them around into something i didn’t mean but i also don’t know what i meant. and we’re both so similar so maybe we were just both being defensive and oversensitive even though we both give Dad shit for that and great now i feel bad about that because i always take her side in fights because i feel like i need to protect her and my brother always takes his side but that’s a whole other can of worms. but also, so what if we are? like aren’t all emotions supposed to be valid? or does it matter even if they are?

we fight about everything these days and every joke i make offends her and i’m just teasing but she keeps taking it to the extreme, taking it as criticism on issues i’m not even talking about. and this time i was defensive and she was defensive because i was defensive and i tried to explain it and it just made it worse.

like, this time we were talking and i don’t remember how we got on the subject but i think it was because we were talking about this new diet my dad is going on because my paternal grandmother  won’t stop blaming my mom for my dad being so overweight and i know i should have been stepping lightly because dad had just been teasing her for saying she wished the nutritionist would have found some easy to fix problem other than his diet/activity levels so his mom would get off her ass about it. and like, i get why my grandmother is concerned, he is very overweight and needs an ankle replacement he can’t get until he loses like 150 lbs and she already has an unhealthy paranoia about her own weight after an entire childhood of her own mother fatshaming her and her sisters but also it’s ridiculous to just blame my mother and her cooking considering that when he put on all the weight originally it was when he was working for his uncle and only ate one meal she cooked a day and was going to fast food places twice a day, like the dude has some responsibility here, but also he carries it just like his dad, male cousins, and three paternal uncles so there’s obviously some genetics working against him, but most importantly right around the time this first started he fell through a roof at a construction site and completely shattered all the bones in his right ankle and was completely bedridden for over a year while on serious painkillers that probably didn’t help. but anyway she was already upset and in a weird headspace because she had an eating disorder in high school, so i should have been more careful and empathetic but she started talking about one of my roommates and how health conscious she is and how thin she is and how she probably has eating disorder and i kinda snapped because i know she means well but damn if it didn’t bring up so many other issues that i was just slammed right back into 

because she always has something to say about my friends. for as long as i can remember she has criticized my friends in ways that makes me question my relationship with them and i know she just is trying to protect me and be involved in my life but her good intentions are still a major cause of so many of my issues and i was end up lonelier and more self-isolating as a result. and my roommates are my best friends and the one she criticizes the most (like what feels like every time we talk about her, to the point where she’s convinced my mom hates her) has been so important in showing me how sheltered and naive i was and has brought me out of my shell and helped with my self-worth so much and is literally the first person in my life who told me i don’t have to always be looking out for other before myself. i don’t owe the world and its okay to live for me sometimes.

and this one, she’s so quiet and she doesn’t like to interact with people she doesn’t deem worth her time and maybe she can be a little cold and judgy but she’s always good to me and she’s been protective and as someone who has always been on the outside of every group the fact that she deems me worth her time and her advice really means a lot and i can acknowledge her flaws but just earlier this weak my mom was talking about how cold she thinks megan is so i was already primed to be defensive. so my mom starts talking about how megan probably has a body image issue since she’s so conscious of her weight and i’m like??? she never talks about weight. the only time she talks about food is when we’re comparing recipes and yeah she eats healthy and puts effort into that but she’s a lifelong vegetarian and she’s usually trying to balance that out with her needs as a cross country runner but because she’s not competing anymore apparently that means that the fact that she still runs every morning and eats like a cross country runner when she doesn’t have to (never mind that she still runs marathons, and she likes running) means she has body image issues and the when we go out for ice cream she’s overindulging because of it. and look at how skinny she is, even though she’s 4′ 10″ and all muscle, like i’d be worried if she wasn’t?

and maybe i’m in denial but i think i would know. i’ve lived with her three years and my mom has met her like six times and never longer than an hour at a time. and she says she was just trying to help me be a good friend and her words fit but her tone came off as criticising and maybe i jumped to conclusions but it felt like one more thing that was wrong with me and my friendship. and maybe i’m just being defensive because on some level i’m worried that what if she’s right, that means i’ve been oblivious and a bad friend and  is she calling me a bad friend, like is that coming from me or just my own insecurities? because i am insecure about whether i’m capable of being a good friend because i always end up left behind and mom keeps saying that i intimidate them or make them feel judged or guilty because i always stick to the rules and do i come off judgy? i don’t try to i try so hard to be openminded but then i’m just accused of becoming a screaming liberal what do you want from me, i just don’t know how to be anything but a pleaser. 

anyway i made the mistake this morning of responding when she was telling me that she doesn’t understand why i’m so defensive and i told her the truth that she has always criticized my friends be it that “piper was obviously raised without enough supervision and that’s why she drinks and likes to push boundaries and wants to be older than she is which is why i’m worried about her influence on you” never mind that we’re 21 and she hasn’t done anything i don’t know for a fact my mom did at her age. and then courtney and jai-lyn and jessica and all the girls i hung out with in the library who were my only close friendships in middle school, they were just weird and had weird interests, even though all our interests were the same and i was also the “weird” kid at school, that’s why i didn’t have friends. we were weird because we were good at school, we were passionate about the books we were reading, we were stereotypical middle school fangirls, but at least we were happy? and we were age appropriate but it was never good enough and i should hang out more with the sort of girls on student council and on sports teams never mind that i tried that and we didn’t have anything in common, and they were mean and i was happy with my friends and i get she wanted to help but when i did have a problem with that group when i was upset that hope had been secretly pregnant in high school and had her sister lie to us for months and we only found out because she posted a photo at seven months on facebook and i was just upset she hadn’t trusted us to have her back when we had been so close and just wanted to vent to my mother and have her on my side it was all “well maybe you should have been more approachable and less judgmental like you’re being now” like i know that but i just wanted someone to acknowledge that the lying was shitty. and even if i did mess up, i was fifteen and just wanted my mom to be conforting. but i can never vent because all i get are suggestions on what to do better and i appreciate the intent, i do, but occasionally i would like to be told that i’m good enough.

so anyway i said that i was wrong to be so defensive i just felt that she was trying to criticize either my friend or my ability to perceive my friend because when she complains about my friends i feel like i have to defend myself and them. and she went off on my about how she was just trying to help me be a good friend so that i would be able to be there for her because her own friends hadn’t been there for her, and her mom hadn’t supported her, and no one believed her when she was raped and since i know that i should be a little more aware, and i should know that my mother is not an evil person, and that she is not trying to be malicious, and how hurt she is by me saying that she criticizes my friends when i have heard her say the same thing about her mother, and how dare i imply she’s a bad mom like her mother when i know how much she has hurt her” and this whole time i’m trying to explain that i know she’s not trying to hurt me, i know her intentions are good, i’m just trying to say how it made me feel but she’s talking over me and i’m also annoyed that she’s kinda implying that if we hadn’t had this conversation i wouldn’t be there for my friend when she needed me and also implying that i wouldn’t believe my friends if they came to me about a sexual assault. like, give me some credit here. i’m usually the one between my mother and i who’s saying we need to address rape culture, and women’s word should be more valued, but now i’m the bad guy because it hasn’t happened to me.

and i know my mom had trauma. so many of her parenting choices so obviously link back to what i know about her past.  She was the youngest of three kids and an accident later in life so her parents were kinda sick of the whole parenting thing and were almost completely hands-off, which let my mom get in a lot of bad situations, so she micromanaged everything. I was the textbook overachieving child has no idea what to do when everyone else catches up. i got good grades in school, so if my grades ever were less than perfect i apparently wasn’t trying hard enough and she knew i could do better so why was i letting myself down like this and when i got straight a’s or awards it wasn’t “i’m so proud of how hard you worked” it was “i’m proud of how smart you are” or “i wish i had been that smart” which sounded nice but ignored that i had to bust my ass for those grades, at the expense of extracurriculars and friendships and my mental health to the point that i had a breakdown in the middle of my senior english class over getting an 89 on essay because failing wan’t okay and anything that would drop my grade from an A+ was a failure. nevermind that my little brother was rewarded anytime he got a grade higher than a D because they expected them to fail. 

and its like that in so many areas. nothing i ever do is good enough on its own. its just “okay, now what are you going to do next” and I feel like i’m drowning here. If its not my friends, it’s my lack of a dating life. My whole childhood, she told me not to get married or have kids young because it would ruin my life (she was twenty when she married my dad and 21 when she had me) and how disappointing it was to see all these young girls more focused on dating and romantic validation instead of school or their careers. She was happy i didn’t date in high school (I didn’t have the time to date and still get perfect grades, even if i had wanted to). but now i’m about to graduate college and have still never been in a relationship (i still don’t have time to get good grades, have a job [since i’m mostly on my own for school costs], write a thesis for the honors program she wouldn’t let me drop, hang out with friends and date, and i’m pretty sure i’m ace) and suddenly she wants to ask me about whether i’m seeing someone every time i call home and is getting progressively more frustrated that “i’m too shy and not willing to make this a priority”. and 1) why the hell would you think it was going to magically become a priority when my whole life you have told me it shouldn’t be, and 2) i’m pretty sure i’m asexual, and have no fucking clue what my romantic orientation is but i might be into girls a little because the closest things to crushes I've ever had have been toward my female friends, and that’s a whole other can of worms since when i experimentally float the concept of asexuality or not being interested in sex i get dismissed and while she says she’s okay with my cousin being gay anytime someone makes a joke about the possibility of my brother or I being on the LGBT spectrum the whole family makes really homophobic comments. and i’m torn because if she ever found out i was scared to come out to her she’d be really pissed and hurt about “how dare i think she would react badly” but i’m pretty sure she would react badly, either in anger or in dismissive “you’re being ridiculous, you just don’t know what you’re missing”. i get that one a lot. I've talked about how i have no interest in ever being pregnant and she just keeps telling me i’m wrong to not want that experience regardless of the fact that i have really bad type 3 EDS that i get from her (though her case isn’t as bad) which is a connective tissue disorder that goes hand and hand with POTS and i already have chronic dislocations, severe scoliosis, am in constant pain, and a heart arrhythmia. Plus, we know that my symptoms already get worse when my hormones get out of wack during my period, and pregnancy is known to make eds so much worse, permanently (since its a degenerative condition). And she’s always dealing with consequences of being pregnant that are worse because of the eds, like how the scar-tissue from her c-section is much worse than it should be and keeps causing adhesions that cause her a lot of pain, and pelvic floor keeps trying to collapse, and i almost died during labor because the stress fucked with my heart so bad. and i know of women with eds whose joints were permanently fucked or who know have to walk with a cane because of how much damage their pelvises went through in childbirth, so yeah i’d rather not risk it when i’ve always wanted to adopt anyway but anytime i express any of this she gets upset because either “i’m so sorry your mother is an idiot! It’s not like she speaks from experience” <- exact quote, or “you need to stop letting this illness dictate your life, i didn’t raise a victim but that's the problem with your generation, you always think you’re a victim” which argh. and i might be okay with that last argument if she didn’t constantly tell me that i need to be more proactive about taking care of my body because of my condition (which is exactly what i’m trying to do with the not wanting to be pregnant thing, but apparently this just applies to how i need to eat better and exercise more ]even though most exercises hurt and use up too many spoons for me to work out and do everything else i need to] because i can’t afford to gain anymore weight [again, this is why i have so much fucking guilt every time i eat], or to how i apparently need to tell everyone in my life that i could faint at anytime [but stop making everything about your condition, Nicole]).

Anyway, long story short, i feel like nothing i ever do is good enough and i always have to be the bigger person and let it go when i’m upset. and i do love her, and i know she loves me but it just feels conditional even if i’m pretty sure its not. and i never know if i’m being too hard on, since i know she has trauma and is trying to help, but i have trauma too even if a different kind, and i have diagnosed but unmedicated anxiety and depression and i need validation from others and i just want to be told one time that i’m enough or that she’s sorry for all of the pressure she constantly puts on me, and i feel guilty for being so selfish when she needs me but, also, she’s my mom? i’m sick of having to parent everyone around me and then getting told its none of my business and i need to be more respectful. I just can’t win and i feel like i’m going to explode and i feel so guilty and so angry at myself and at her and then more guilt and anger for feeling guilt and anger to the point that i don’t know how to feel anything anymore. today’s just a really bad day and i feel like i keep getting more and more broken and conflicted about everything from politics to sexuality to religion i don’t know what to feel or what i think anymore...

[caffeinated--writer]

You’ve Got Thirty Seconds

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader 

Warnings: Slight Smut(??)

Summary: “You’ve got thirty seconds to explain to me what you’re doing here.”

Note: Meant for the writing challenge made by @writemarvelousthings . My computer broke and I was dealing with health issues so this is past due but because this story forced me out of my comfort zone (I have never written romance/smut(?) before) so I still want to post this 😊 I have a Bucky version for this same trope but I'll finish and post it another time.

Do not steal my work or post it anywhere else without my permission! 

You danced around your apartment enthusiastically. Your body on rhythm with any song your Spotify began to play. Dancing your way back into your cramped kitchen, you took a minute to stir your pot of food before turning down the heat and tossing a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

You had always loved your weekends (like most people) because it was the only two days you had away from your infuriating –and attractive- boss. He was a handful to deal with most of the time but being his assistant you had adapted to dealing with his antics. And as much as you hated to admit it, the small crush you had developed on the billionaire was probably why you tended to always find enough patience (despite how limited it was) to deal with him.

But this week…this week he had really managed to push his luck with you. While you were aware as his assistant it was your job to attempt to put out all media fires Tony created – at least to the best of your ability when Pepper was too busy to do so- you couldn’t tell if Tony was purposely trying to make your job harder or if he was just trying to hurt your feelings. Hell, he may have been trying to do both. Regardless you had spent each day on the phone with reporters making up excuses as to why Tony Stark was being seen with a woman (or women) at the end of each night.

It was safe to say that when you left work on Friday it was on less than friendly terms with your boss.

So, ego slightly damaged, from seeing the countless pictures of Tony’s supermodel flings, and feelings completely hurt, from seeing the man of your dreams out with women who weren’t you, you decided your free weekend would be spent eating your feelings as you curled up on your worn down couch and watched whatever movies you could find on cable, Hulu, or Netflix.

The sound of frantic knocking halted your movements. Was your music too loud? The knocking at your door couldn’t possibly have been one of your friends considering they had all opted to go clubbing for the night.

Turning down your music you made your way across your cold floor to open the door. Getting on the tips of your newly manicured toes, you squinted to look out of the peephole.  

“Tony!?” You gasped.

“Hey, Y/N! Mind letting me in?” Tony replied, voice muffled by the wood that divided you both.

“Tony, my contract specifically says I don’t work weekends.” You wanted nothing more than for Tony to just leave you alone to sulk into a bag of popcorn and a bowl of ice cream. Part of you –the rational part- knew Tony hadn’t done anything wrong, it wasn’t as if he was aware of your feelings for him…but the other part of you…well that part was telling rational you to shut the fuck up and urging you to continue to mope about your unrequited feelings.

“Come on, Y/N open up. It’s important!” Tony said, tone sounding a bit more urgent. Cursing yourself and lightly stomping your foot on your hardwood floor in a mini tantrum, you began unlocking the door.

Swinging the door open with a barely controlled rage you glared at your smirking visitor. “You’ve got thirty seconds to explain to me what you’re doing here before I punch you in the throat.”

“Sounds kinky.” Tony chuckled, brushing past you to step into your apartment “Good Lord, is this where you live? It’s so small how do you do anything in this place?”

Oh my God…You were going to throttle him, you were sure of it.

“This might be about the same size as my dorm room in college whic-“

“You have 26 more seconds left Mr. Stark. I suggest you use that time to say something worth my time instead of insulting my home.” You interrupted; a seething glare directed his way.  An uncomfortable silence soon filled the space as Tony gave you his undivided attention and suddenly you felt very self-conscious in your own clothes.

Very aware that the only thing under your oversized sweater was a pair of (f/c) panties you began to tug at the bottom of it hoping it would give your legs a bit more coverage under Tony’s strong gaze.

“So…did it work?” Tony spoke as he took a couple of steps closer to you.

You raised an eyebrow in question. “Did what work?”

“Did it make you jealous?” Tony questioned, backing you into your dining room table. For a moment your mind froze as it took a moment to catch up with Tony’s words and when it did…you saw red.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You growled. You shoved him in your fit of rage but it didn’t do much to free you from the cage Tony had blocked you in against your table, “For what!?”

“I had a theory and to prove that theory I needed to do some experiments…” Tony shrugged, hands wrapping around your waist to pull you closer which effectively made you forget if you were supposed to be angry about something. Had his chest always been so rock solid…?

“P…Prove w…what?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how bright red your blush had made you but Tony was certainly getting a kick out of your school girl reaction as the smirk on his face continued to widen, his hand lifting to caress your cheek.

His face moved closer to yours, nose lightly brushing against yours, and your eyes began closing in preparation for what you hoped might come. “To prove this…”

The minute his lips pressed against yours you melted into him, wrapping your hands around his neck in an attempt to have him as close as possible. The rough grip of his hands on your thigh, calloused fingers grazing the elastic of your panties, caused you to moan into his mouth. The kiss grew passionate, Tony’s tongue slipping into your mouth fueling the tight warmth growing in the pit of your stomach. He tasted of peppermint with a hint of his favorite overpriced scotch. It was addicting.

It was only when a slight shiver went up your spine did you realize your feet were no longer on the ground but now you were seated on the cool surface of your table. His hands inching up your legs began tracing the elastic of your panties near your inner thigh and you whined from the teasing.

“Tell me you want this…” Tony whispered, voice hoarse as he peppered your throat with kisses and his nimble fingers beginning to push your panties to the side. You had never said yes so fast.

[loadingoliver]

compulsive shopping

something I never thought I would be dealing with. for one, I was never a big spender. since being very little, I hated the thought of people having to spend money on me and I was very good at saving it. yet I've never bought as much as I have the past year and I don't remembered why I bought most of the things or even what they were. which means I've never owned as many unnecessary things before. during that year I also spent all of my savings including some money I’ve had put away for years and rarely touched before because I never had big needs that would require extra money. whenever I reached for those savings this year it felt like an emergency, I planned on putting it back there after my next paycheck, but I never did - some new purchase would always seem more urgent. “I was living from paycheck to paycheck. I was living FOR the paycheck”*(The Minimalism documentary). pretty early on I found myself in a financial crisis and had a lot less money to spend, unfortunately it wasn't about how much I would spend, but the way I would spend it.

since I can recall I’ve always hated spending money going out, going to movies, eating with friends, buying food for myself - it seemed like such a waste of money - on something that lasted a moment instead of something material that I could have forever and that would bring me joy and serve purpose. or better yet, multiple purposes, right? too bad I wouldn’t use anything for long. I own some clothes that I wore literally once or twice. most things I would get were horrible quality and poor source which I was aware of. a lot of clothes didn't fit me, therefore didn't serve purpose, but instead would make me feel frustrated with what I looked like. and the joy, momentary excitement, dopamine kick - that was what would initially drive my constant need to buy new things, but it would last less and less time. the rush I would get from checking out “inspirations”, looking up things, reading product reviews, planning purchases, placing orders, waiting for deliveries and then using those items for the first few times- gradually it shrunk to feeling excited until the end of each transaction. I haven't even worn something, I didn't even get it in the mail, I would already look for something else, I was already hung up on something new. I had never-ending lists in my head of stuff I wanted to get next, that I needed next. I had a few private Pinterest boards specifically for that, that's what all my Instagram likes went to. and I would obsess over them. that’s what I would spend all of my free time on. my energy, thoughts, motivation to get up, to work, to survive through bad days. to live, I guess. they were my treats for doing well, my consolation prizes and my what the hell’s. I didn't plan on buying 10 things at once, but just this one and, of course, these two. while still in my head, most things felt essential, unlike previous ones- I was crazy getting that previous item, but this? I clearly need this. if I look better, I’ll feel better.  my shopping habits were gradually becoming more impulsive and compulsive. I was no longer thinking through or questioning what I needed, practicality was not high on my list. I would almost never try on stuff, I would base my decisions on the fact that I liked the way something looked on someone I saw. usually on Pinterest or Instagram- so people of completely different proportions, physical features, lifestyles, preferences and identities - not me. it usually looked good with other articles of clothing that I didn't own, so when shoes arrived in the mail and I wasn’t so sure about them, I would sometimes convince myself that I also needed different trousers, t-shirts, different colours or materials to go with them, that would solve it. when I had less money, I would buy more, but cheaper items. it made so much more sense to buy multiple things for less. and if it’s cheap, why think twice?what's the harm? I actually knew enough about the harms of fast fashion industry, but I chose to ignore them. I thought I couldn’t afford to be environmentally conscious, to make ethical choices, to consider people behind products, to pick more intentionally. I couldn’t afford to buy as many quality items, so I chose quantity over quality. and it’s hard to appreciate quality, when you get bored and dissatisfied with everything so quickly. but each time it felt like that one item was the one that would perfectly fill in the painful space in my life, each product seemed ridiculously important for a short while, it somehow was supposed to be the start of a new life- a toothbrush that, at least in the pictures, matches my bathroom tiles and other beautiful, pure, and organic-looking sink accessories that I was getting next; or a running windbreaker that I can fold into the size of my fist and that might not go with any of my clothes, but I could always have it with me and it would help me save space in my giant everyday backpack full of other essentials. it felt like every little thing would weirdly define me for a second. that when I pick a product, I decide what kind of a person I am. but who I was and what I liked was becoming very blurry.

style and clothing felt like such an easy way or opportunity to redefine or redesign myself. it gave me a sense of identity, it was a symbol of a different better life. and when I was out of ideas for myself and my life, any image that gave me a sense of what I lacked i.e. self-confidence, self-respect, ease, balance or even better social skills or ability to fit in among certain people sounded great. I reached a point where there were too many different voices saying what would make me feel better and I would get very confused. not even with what I needed or wanted, but as to what I liked, what was aesthetically pleasing. which btw, while not the most important in life, comes in pretty fucking handy when you work as a product designer and a craftsman. that lead me to my worse state. I could change my mind about what I wanted to look like, which subconsciously translated into whom I wanted to be, in five minutes while randomly scrolling through a board of pictures on my Pinterest or checking out my Instagram feed. it didn’t come out of nowhere, I was never able to stick to the same clothes, I went through so many stages, I tried out more haircuts within the last five years than most people have in their lifetime. I actually would feel sorry for people who had the same hairstyle their whole life and wore the same type of clothes for years- how boring are you and how unadventurous is your life? I didn’t see the integrity some of those people have, the lack of need to fix what already works, the peace, the contentment, the blissful zero fucks to give about something this empty and unimportant. I thought they lacked sensitivity, awareness and were afraid to experiment or take a risk, while it seemed natural for me to play around, constantly research, look for something. I even convinced myself that I had to be that way to keep an open mind and my creativity levels high. but when it got out of control and started changing so fast I couldn't keep up with it, I realised how much my low-self esteem was being used by the industry convincing me to want new things to fix me and immediately hate the old ones. definitely wasn’t news to me as a phenomenon, but took me a while to realise that it affected me, and how much. as those things tend to, it aligned with various work stuff, break ups, prolonged health problems, family conflicts, other everyday stuff and social media apps, including Instagram and Pinterest, have become my pacifiers, a way to push away all sorts of thoughts, issues, anxiety, to look away, to avoid, to calm down, to entertain myself, to distract me and keep me busy. once I realised just that, they stopped working that well. I suddenly felt like notifications, badges, sponsored posts, fake smiles, free trials, special discount codes, pictures carefully selected for me were attacking me more and more, but none of them no longer made much sense. it all quickly turned into an uninteresting, disturbing, worthless noise and waste of my time that I was able to, surprisingly easily, let go off. sadly, that didn't make my shopping urges and impulses go away. in fact, I still have to fight them pretty much every day and it will take a while. but I really want to work on this. work on this by not letting things be more than things are and define me or change the way I feel about myself. even though I don’t feel great about myself right now. I want to end this post on a positive note because I’m really feeling incomparably better most days now, but the truth is I obviously just started uncovering some stuff and it’s not pretty, so it might take more than giving up retail therapy.

if you can relate, feel more than free to message me, bother me, ask me questions, but beware I might recommend you an endless list of podcasts, essays and videos that helped me and that my friends can’t take any more. if you can’t relate, you lucky fuck, hope you found this interesting. and if you did, the interesting part actually is the shit that happens next, now that I’m taking steps to live a simpler, slower live, without all that excess bullshit, so stay tuned.

[psychosunflower-blog]

Size||Why don't we||Preference four♡

Summary: You struggle with your size, even though they think you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

Words:3406

Warnings:None

Requested:Not on here

A/n:Every single one of you are beautiful! Taken from my Wattpad:)

Daniel Seavey- You stood in the room you and Daniel shared at the Why Don't we house, your shirt rolled up to the bottom of your bra, as tears streamed down your face. When you were younger you were a little heavier than most, causing some asshole people to make fun of it and you. Over the last 2 years you had started working out 3 times a week and you had noticed a huge difference from how you once looked and felt, some of that having to do with working out and some of that having to do with Daniel, he had made you feel so incredibly beautiful. Your mental health along with your actual health had been improving so much and not a day went by where Daniel didn't tell you that he was proud of you and that you were beautiful, he knew how much you struggled with your self image and did anything he could to help you. But all the hard work you had seem to do undid its self a few days ago, the words replaying in your head over and over again.

You and Daniel had gone out to eat lunch, he had been so busy in the studio that he hadn't had much time to spend with you over the last week so he had taken you out to a nice lunch before you spent the day together.

After you had sat down, he excused himself to the bathroom after telling you want he wanted so you would order for the two of you.

When the waitress from the restaurant came over to the table where the two of you sat by the window you could instantly tell she wasn't in the best mood, so you tried to be extra nice and smile more, thinking maybe she had just dealt with a really rude person and could use one.

After you had told her what Daniel had wanted you glanced at the menu one more time before shutting it and tell her what you wanted. Instead of writing it down, she looked at you with an eyebrow raised.

"You sure you want to order that?" She asked, you looked at her confused. Was it bad?

"Yeah why?" You asked, your voice a little softer than it had once been.

"Its a lot of calories,Maybe try a salad honey. If you get any fatter he isn't gonna stick around" She laughed before writing down what you had once ordered and then snatched the menu from your hands and walked away, shaking her head in the process.

You looked down at your hands, tears brimming in your eyes.

You were taken out of your thoughts when Daniel opened the door and walked through, stopping right away when he saw the tears following down your face. You quickly shoved your shirt down and walked over to the bed, sitting down and wiping the tears away that were falling from your eyes.

"Baby, whats wrong?" he asked, shutting the door behind him and getting on the bed, sitting criss cross apple sauce facing you.

"Am I getting fat to you?" you blurted out, shock and sadness plastered his face. Daniel never really understood why you were so self conscious, from the moment he met you he thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and even though he was proud of you for working out and trying to better yourself he never even thought for a second that you needed to lose weight and he could've cared less if you gained. You would always be perfect to him, no matter what.

"What baby? No why would you ask that?" He asked, reaching his arms out and pulling you onto his lap, your head now leaning on his shoulder as your legs hung over his lap and on the bed.

"When we went for lunch the other day.. you went to the bathroom and when I ordered for myself she asked me if I was sure thats what I wanted because it was a lot of calories and she told me if I got any fatter you wouldn't stick around"You told him, not looking into his eyes anymore as you whispered the ended, not wanting to say it yourself.

"Excuse me?" He asked, anger breaking out all over his face.

"She said what?!" He hissed. He brought his fingers to your chin, making your head tilt up and your eyes connect with his.

"Y/n, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my whole life. I thought that from the moment you walked into the Bakery that day and Ive thought it everyday since. If you lose fifty pounds or gain fifty pounds you will still be the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. Please don't listen to a stupid girl like her. I love you so much babygirl and nothing you could ever say or do would make me leave you, even more so over something silly like weight. I love you for you, not what you look like.”

Jack Avery- You sat on the couch in the living room of the Why Don't we house, looking through the comments of the most recent post Jack had posted of the two of you. Hating yourself more as you continued.

You had always been skinny, skinnier than most. When you were 13 you were diagnosed with an over working thyroid, which meant it burned off an extreme amount of calories causing not a lot of fats to stay in your body. It was something you were extremely self conscious about, you felt like everyone judged you as soon as they saw you and being in a bathing suit was something you had absolutely hated, and of course that was what you were wearing in the photo. Daniel had taken the photo of the two of you when you, the boys and a few of their girlfriends had a pool party. From the moment Jack saw it he fell in love with it, the way the two of you were looking at each other seemed to capture the love you two shared, but what you and everyone seemed to see was how Skinny you were.

Wdwfanforever Does she even eat?

Seaveymydaniel her legs or a stick? 99% Of americans can't tell the difference

Jackypooavery Someone get this girl a burger

And that was just the start of them, there were hundreds of them,  basically all saying the same thing. On some level you had always hoped people wouldn't notice, that it was just a you thing but after today you knew it wasn't

"Hey baby whats up?" Jack asked, smiling at you as he walked in. You quickly shut your phone off and sat up to meet his eyes.

"Nothing really, just trying to figure out what show to watch on netlfix. I was texting Adi for some advice" You lied, giving jack a fake smile. The only other time you had gotten hate was when you two had first went public with your relationship and Jack was absolutely furious.

"Jack have you seen all the comments on your post?" Daniel frowned coming into the living room with his phone in his hand. While Jack looked to Daniel you shook your head fast, hoping he would get the hint and drop it, but Jack looked back at you before you could stop and scrunched his eyebrows together looking back and fourth between the two of you.

He pulled out his phone when you stopped him, taking his hands and phone in yours before making eye contact with him.

"Jack, really its nothing. Please just let it go and don't get angry" You pleaded, but then Daniel opened his mouth.

"Its not nothing Y/n!" He said, Daniel had been your best friend growing up, him being the one who introduced the two of you and he had always been protective of you.

"Daniel please!" You yelled standing up, looking at him somewhat angrily in his eyes.

"Would someone please tell me what the fuck is going on!" Jack said, now leaving his spot from the couch and standing up as well.

Daniel handed Jack his phone, of course already on the post with the comments on his screen.

Jack sat back down has his face fell, reading comment after comment.

"Could you give us a second?" He asked, talking to Daniel but not lifting his eyes up from the phone, not stopping reading more and more comments. Daniel didn't say anything, he just nodded and walked out of the room. He shut the phone off and threw it on the couch, sticking his hand up, reaching for yours. Once yours and Jacks hands connected he gently pulled you to him and sat you on his lap.

Jacks hands cupped your cheeks before his eyes locked with yours.

"When I first met you I knew I was falling in love with you when I saw you having that eating competition with Jonah, and the best part was you won" He started causing you to giggle but your eyes never unlocking with his.

"I know we never talk about how self conscious you are, I catch you looking at your body in the mirror after a shower or the way you feel uncomfortable when you aren't wearing a hoodie. I never bring it up because I never want to upset you, but so many times have I been sitting and watching you while you laugh or when you break out into those terrible dance moves of yours when one of our songs play and overtime all I can think about is how fucking beautiful you are. Y/n, you are the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen, everyday you take my breath away and weather you are 100 pounds or 200 pounds my opinion on you will never change" Once he finished you had tears threatening to fall, god you loved this boy.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, placing with the hair that laid around the base before putting your forehead on his.

"I love you so much Jack Avery"

Jonan Marias- "You aren't fat per say, you're just a plus size model" Your friend told you as you took a bite from your chicken wrap as the two of you were at lunch. You instantly stopped eating your food and put it back down on the plate your face dropping completely as you pushed the food away from you, no longer hungry.

"Excuse me?" a guy asked, raged filling his whole voice, looking between you're friend and you. You had no idea who he was, but he was hands down the most beautiful human you had ever seen in your life. He was tall and had brown hair, with the most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen.

"What?" Your friend snapped, obviously not liking the tone he was using. The boy looked at her in disgust while you just sat there watching.

"Why would you say something like that?" He asked, you had no idea why a stranger would get so angry over a comment like this, your 'friend' said stuff like this to you all the time and even though you tried to get use to it, it still hurt a little.

"Well its the truth" She said, rolling her eyes as she took another bite of her salad.

"The truth? The truth is she is one of the most beautiful girls Ive ever seen. The truth is that when I walked through the door my heart started beating a little faster once I saw her. The truth is that she deserves a hell of a lot better friends than you" He snapped, causing a blush to break out on your face as the two of you locked eyes, he winked at you before turning his attention back to the bitch eating in front of you.

"I think Im gonna go, Call me next week" She snapped, picking up her bag and rolling her eyes.

"Yeah she won't be doing that. I hope you step in dog shit" He called just before she walked out the door causing you to explode into a fit of giggles.

"Now, Im Jonah and Id like to buy you coffee" He said, taking a seat where your friend had once sat.

"Im y/n" You smiled, looking into his eyes once again.

Zach Herron- The boys had gotten a brand deal with Adidas, they had pictures of a group and then each boys had pictures with a different girl, and of course you couldn't help but stair at Zachs picture. Although you knew it was a photo shoot you couldn't help but feel a pang in your chest, the way he was holding her skinny body, the way their faces were lit up with happiness, it hurt you. You always felt like Zach could do better, he could go out and find someone prettier, skinner, someone who would look better with him, but he chose you and everyday you wondered why more and more than the last.

"Whats wrong?" Jonah asked, walking outside to the patio where you sat, you hadn't realized the frown that was forming on your face until you looked up to see Jonah with a worried expression on his face. Since you had moved into the Why don't we house Jonah had become like an older brother to you, he cared about you the way a brother would and even Zach had to admit that the two of you had adorable brother/sister moments that the fans just loved.

He sat on the end of the lounge as you brought your feet up to your chest. You handed him your phone, his face filling with confusion.

"Why are you looking at this?" He questioned, feeling like he knew the answer already.

"Because look at her, he could do so much better than me. She's so much prettier than me, she's skinner and her smile looks amazing. The way they look at each other makes me realize that maybe Im not what Zach wants anymore, not when he knows he could have someone like her" You told Jonah.

"Y/n.." Zach said from behind you, causing you to jump. Your face went pale, not wanting him to hear the words that had left your mouth.

"Im gonna go" Jonah trailed off, putting your phone beside your feet and running inside, knowing that the two of you had a lot to talk about now.

Zach took Jonah's spot at the end of your feet, taking one of your hands in his.

"She will never be better than you, no one ever will be. No one else's eyes will sparkle like Diamonds in the sun, at least not like yours does. No ones laugh with make my heart melt completely overtime, not like yours does. No one will make me want to get out of bed everyday and make amazing things happen, not like you do. No one will make me fall in love all over again just by one simple kiss, not the way you do. You are one of a kind, you are it for me. Y/n your body is perfect to me, I love the way it fits in mine at night, I love the way your thighs touch and all your curves that seem to be placed in every right way. You are so fucking beautiful to me. All those girls you say I could get, I don't even notice them. Why would I when I already have my everything right in front of me?"

"I love you so much Zach Herron" You whispered before bringing his face close to yours, pressing your lips on his soft pink ones.

Corbyn Besson- Corbyn and the boys were having a pool party, at first you were a little excited. Although the idea of you in a bathing suit was something you weren't a fan of it was fine because you were comfortable with the boys and you knew that you wouldn't be judged. But your attitude changed quickly when Corbyn had told you that it was going to become more of a party as there were more people coming over. 'Great' You thought to yourself.

At first you had told corybn that you weren't going to come anymore, telling him that you weren't really a party person and He knew that a lot of people in the same space caused you anxiety but he had promised to stay right by your side the whole night and that you two would leave if it all got too over whelming for you. With his puppy dog face and his "Please baby's" You couldn't say no to the boy you were helplessly in love with so you said yes.

You were now at the party, in a bathing suit and feeling extremely uncomfortable, you stood outside by the pool, having a conversation with Jacks girlfriend who you were extremely close too and Corbyn.

"Im gonna go get us a drink okay? Ill be right back" He smiled, kissing your cheek and leaving. You had continued the conversation with Jacks girlfriend until a guy walked up to you, right away you could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hey beautiful, why don't we go check out the rooms upstairs" He winked, the idea of throwing up had never sounded like a better idea.

"Um, I don't think her boyfriend would like that very much" Corbyn said coming back with two drinks in his hand, you looked him in the eyes, slightly thanking him for saving you.

"Eh its whatever. She's fat anyways" He chuckled, Cobyn put the drinks down and walked over to him.

"You might want to shut the fuck up" Corbyn snapped, his face red with anger.

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do if I don't?" The drunk man asked, stepping closer to Corbyn, who was now only inches apart from him. Corbyn brought his hand back, ready to punch the man when you grabbed it quickly and pulled him back. His eyes met yours and his face softened when he saw the tears threatening to fall.

"Its not worth it, please walk away" You told him, your voice breaking at the end. Jonah and the rest of the boys had heard what happen from Jacks girlfriend and all had rushed outside to see the scene that had just unfolded in front of you.

"Im gonna go get changed" You whispered, his eyes scanning yours before you let go of him and walked into the crowed house and up the stairs to Corbyns room where your overnight bag sat int the corner.

Once you had changed you decided to stay upstairs, not wanting any more social interaction for today, you had simply had enough. You were reading a book on your phone when the door opened and a still upset looking corbyn came walking in to see next to you.

"What he said wasn't true"He said, slightly gripping your chin and brought your face up to eye level.

"You are beautiful, inside and out. I love you y/n" He told you before bringing you into a kiss. He didn't need to give you some huge speech, the way he kissed you made you feel beautiful and honestly that was all you needed.

Maybe that guy didn't get to check out the rooms upstairs, but you and Corbyn did that night;).

_____

If you couldn't tell this imagine was about you struggling with your body. I wrote this because I know many people do, weather it be because you feel to big or too small. I personally struggle with body image issues and I know how it can effect people.

Im hoping that this made some of you feel better if you struggle with the same thing. But I just want you all to know that you are all extremely beautiful people!

[dorothyd89]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because I know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about “I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel”.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing” – that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!), you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds.)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – You don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, who will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

http://ift.tt/2m49Cxd http://ift.tt/2lIOdbQ

[fitnetpro]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because I know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about “I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel”.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

  What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing” – that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!), you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, who will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life published first on http://ift.tt/2kRppy7

[ruthellisneda]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with an unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she now had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about ‘I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from, and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing,” that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!, you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, that will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

[almajonesnjna]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with an unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she now had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about ‘I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from, and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing,” that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!, you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, that will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

[johnclapperne]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with an unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she now had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about ‘I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from, and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing,” that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!, you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, that will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

[joshuabradleyn]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with an unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she now had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about ‘I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from, and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing,” that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!, you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, that will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

[neilmillerne]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with an unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she now had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about ‘I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from, and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing,” that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!, you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, that will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

[albertcaldwellne]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with an unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she now had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about ‘I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from, and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing,” that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!, you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – you don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, that will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

[dorothyd89]

How Ruth the Physician Lost 10 Sizes and Renewed Her Life

Meet Ruth O’Mahony.

She’s a 49 year old physician-turned health content manager who struggled for years with unhealthy eating, yoyo-dieting, lack of movement, and a constant struggle to stick with anything for more than a few weeks before life got in the way.

This is something we can all relate to!

Although she found Nerd Fitness in early 2015, she spent months telling herself “I’m not ready yet, I’ll get started someday.” So she signed up for our email list, said “eventually!” and did nothing.

Sound familiar? 

After she could barely close the seatbelt on a flight to Disney (where just walking was a chore), her mentality started to change “maybe ‘someday’ will never happen…I need to change my strategy on this.”

Fast Forward 7 months…. and she had a support group to learn from, a basic plan to follow, and excitedly started her push towards a better life.

So WHAT happened?  Why, after 11 months of reading Nerd Fitness did she FINALLY take action? How did she go from “I’ll level up someday” to “I level up every day”? How did she drop 70+ pounds, go down 10+ clothing sizes, and radically transform her life?

Keep reading!

Ruth’s Story

Steve: Hi Ruth! Thanks for being here to share your whole story. I know after a YEAR of reading Nerd Fitness, you finally invested in yourself and joined the Nerd Fitness Academy. I’d love to hear about those first few workouts and diet changes. How did that go when you first started?

Ruth: When I first started the workouts, I couldn’t do all of the reps, so I did what I could. I also had to modify almost all of the exercises. I did pushups from a bookshelf that was high enough that it was effectively the wall. I did box squats and assisted split squats and leaned super heavily on the counter. I took a mindset of ‘can I do a little more?’ with every workout – can I lean on the counter less, can I get a little lower to the floor, can I do one more rep? Trying to do just a little more each time has really led to giant progress.

At this point I was still having “meh” days. I occasionally had a day where part of my brain says: ‘Why is this so HARD?’ but the NF Academy Women’s FB group was awesome when those days hit. I used it as a place to check in, for accountability, for feeling like part of a community on similar journeys. I realized how important that was the first time I posted an ‘I need encouragement, ladies’ thing and IMMEDIATELY got tons of encouragement.

Steve: I love that, because I know how important a community can be that will support and help you (and keep you accountable!). Now I hear, you fell in love with the idea of the Academy Boss Battles. What was it about them?:

Ruth: I remember when I defeated General DOMS [our level 1 boss] and moved on to Level 2 workouts. What was surprising to me is that I shortly after that went on vacation in July and I didn’t get derailed! I walked and WALKED on vacation, and put together a plan to get back into the workouts, which I stuck to. By that time, I’d defeated The Widowmaker, so I went on to level 3…and even tried the GYM!

And since then I eventually scraped up the courage (20 seconds of courage for the win!) to go to the gym I was actually paying for, and I couldn’t even lift my feet to do a proper bar hang at first. Now I can! Now I can do 25 lb farmer’s carries, 6 pushups with decent form, and I use less and less assistance on the pullup machine each day.

Steve: YES! Nothing makes me happier than seeing somebody (male or female) kicking ass in the weight section of the gym. After all, you have just as much of a right to be there as anybody else. High five! 

I want to know, have you tried and failed to get healthy before in the past? What made this time different?

Ruth: I have. I was pretty fit at one point in my late 20s thanks to the US Air Force, but I hated the fact that it was mandated and stopped almost everything when I got out. I tried a few different things in the interim (Tae-Bo, yoga, a treadmill, even a couple of Xbox Kinect games). It was all-or-nothing, boom-or-bust, and nothing to show for it.

Steve: Now, judging by these recent photos you’ve lost a TON of weight. What else has changed about you? 

Ruth: Yeah, I’ve gone from a Size 28 to a Size 18, and I’m doing it SUSTAINABLY!

I can fasten a seatbelt on an airplane without difficulty. I ran around Disney without having to stop and catch my breath – and I walked all over London (so many stairs!) without thinking about “I’m going to get tired, how will I get back to the hotel”.

I can pick up my neighbor’s three and a half year old who is the size of a five year old and swing him around, much to his delight. I lift big boxes into the house rather than waiting for my husband. I have enough energy to car dance – you know, when that awesome song comes on the radio and you dance in your seat?

Steve: Dancing and singing is the #1 reason for having a car. 

Okay so it took Ruth 11 months to get her mindset right, and now she’s a badass! What did she do?

How Ruth Became a Badass

Steve: You adapted a mindset of leveling up and progression that’s helped you get excited to work out. How did those workouts develop?

Ruth: I’m working my through the different levels of Academy workouts, and I’ve ‘levelled up’ almost all of the exercises in that level which keeps me excited about what I can do.

On other days, I’m either walking or doing what I’ll call ‘running training’ every day – three days a week, I’m out in the morning and doing run/walk intervals. I started with CouchTo5K but couldn’t ramp up that quickly. Old me probably would have thrown in the towel. New me bought an interval timer app and constructed custom intervals that ramp me up a little more slowly, but at a pace that works for me.

On the days that I’m not doing that, I’m still walking.

I had a bad week a few weeks ago, and the old me would have given up. New me reached out to the ladies in the NF Academy Facebook group, got reassurance that ‘eh, bad runs happen sometimes, and if it gets to be a pattern, talk to your doc about it,’ and got back out there the next time I was scheduled to do it.

Steve: I love that you’ve got ‘hooked’ on getting better. It’s definitely a mindset shift from “I have to work out” to “I GET to work out…what can I do today?” So talk to me about support. It sounds like you have both one in real life and the online support group too here at NF.

Ruth: Yea, the NF Women’s FB group is an amazing and special group of women – they have been massively supportive.

In my regular day-to-day, I also have two neighbors who have said that if I pick a 5K race, they’ll come run it with me – and they mean really run it with me, every step by my side. The across the street neighbor runs marathons and has said that she HATES running shorter distances, but she wants to support me, so she’ll run a 5K with me!

Steve: Perfect. So that covers your mindset and workout strategy: “get better, surround yourself with supportive people!” Let’s talk about your nutritional strategy!

Ruth: Eat real food, not too much of it, don’t eat too many carbs, and track everything. I use MyFitnessPal and track everything. I kind of find it weirdly freeing.

When my neighbor comes over with dinner, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I should eat that delicious rice dish, I pull up my tracker and I know exactly how much of it fits into my ‘budget.’

I’ve also tried to take a sensible approach on sweets – if there’s a dessert that I know is absolutely phenomenal and it’s a special occasion? I have it, and enjoy every single bite. I eat it mindfully, and savor it, and by doing that, I find that I don’t really want it very often.

Steve: “Eat Real food, and not too much of it” – amazingly simple philosophy. And I love that you don’t feel guilty about eating something that might not be super healthy. It’s a conscious decision to eat it, just like it’s a conscious decision to get right back on track after!

Are there any tricks you used to get yourself to a point where you could follow it regularly?

Ruth: In the beginning I got into the habit of batch cooking things for lunches and making sure I have 2-3 weeks worth of healthy, tasty, homemade frozen lunches, and had really good stuff in the house for breakfasts and dinners. It takes the cognitive load out of eating healthy – AND it actually makes getting breakfast or lunch from a fast food joint into the more difficult option, because I have to get in my car and drive somewhere to acquire the junk food as opposed to eating the healthy thing that’s in my desk at work.

Steve: Brilliant…working smarter, not harder. Make the healthy eating option EASIER, and the fast food even less convenient! Okay, you changed a LOT. What was the toughest change for you to make?

Ruth: I think it was mindset, really. I had to abandon my “all or nothing” mentality because it was sabotaging me! I had to be OK with slow and incremental progress. I had to become okay with taking tiny steps that continually went forward instead of doing everything all at once and flaming out which I had done in the past.

Steve: So, how did you get there? What was the biggest change that helped you succeed

Ruth: Making fitness and nutrition into habits. Habit gets me out of bed at 4:30AM to go for a walk when the motivation fairy has flown off. The motivation fairy is a flaky friend – she never hangs around for long. Habit and discipline get me through and help me chase the Sloth Demon away.

Steve: What about tracking your progress? Did you use a scale, measurements, or photos?

Ruth: I weigh in once a week or every other week, and I measure neck, biceps, bust, under bust, waist, hips, thighs, and calves once a month. I also see my doc as scheduled, and the biochemical measurements are also changing for the better.

Steve: “That which gets measured gets improved.” You’re proving that adage true! What would you tell others in your “start” situation who is ready to try again and succeed this time?

Know that you are worth it. You deserve to be healthy and fit, you deserve to carve that time out for yourself.

It is 100% OK to start with tiny baby steps. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk for 10 minutes, try 5. Then build on that.

Your big why has to be YOUR big why – not what you think society thinks it should be.

Steve: Now that you have conquered this phase of the journey, what’s next?

Ruth: Working on pull-up progressions and handstand progressions on the workout front, also on increasing number of pullups, etc. I just beat “Berserxes the Squat King” and advanced to Level 4 on the NF Academy workouts, so plenty of challenges there!

On the personal development front, I recently finished a foundation course offered by an international organization and found out I’ve been accepted to their content development course starting in January!

Steve: Okay, on to the important stuff: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?

Ruth: I have the White Tree of Gondor tattooed on my left shoulder – so definitely Lord of the Rings. I love both, though!

Steve: Favorite video game of all time?

Ruth: Mass Effect (all three of them, despite the ending of ME3, and I am SUPER STOKED for Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Steve: Quote to live by?

Ruth: ‘Breathe in, breathe out, move on,’ Jimmy Buffett.

How Ruth Did It. How You can too.

  What made Ruth find success this time where she had failed tons of times in the past? It started with brutal honesty and ALSO self-love:

She accepted where she was starting from and finally knew where she was going: She decided she was worthy of the life she wanted, and realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing” – that just a little bit is better than nothing. And that a little bit consistently, step-by-step, can go a LONG way.

In her words, “When I think about where I was in January 2015 – if you’d told me then that I would be where I am today, I’d have laughed myself sick!” I love that.

She accepted it was tough work, but possible. We all have to start somewhere, and it can be depressing if we don’t see progress right away. If you can stick with it (THANK YOU SUPPORT GROUP!), you can build small habits. One day, you’ll get to a place (and maybe a LOT sooner than you think) where you’re looking back and saying WOW, I did that!

She started. This might be the most important step of all. Ruth spent 11 months reading Nerd Fitness articles before finally giving herself permission to try, fail, stumble, fall, and take baby steps. She could have overwhelmed herself with how far she had to go, so instead she just focused on what she could do TODAY:

She started walking for at least a half hour every day. (It’s how Tim lost 50 pounds.)

She began making IMMEDIATE incremental changes to her diet. She started tracking her meals, ate a veggie with every meal, and eliminated all white bread.

These changes might seem small, but they added up and made a HUGE difference in a short amount of time. If they seem TOO big of a change to you, make a smaller one!

She gamified her life and fell in love with progress: By tracking her progress rigorously along the way (using the scale and measurements), she could make sure she was still on the right path and course correct when she wasn’t advancing physically (through measurements/photos/scale) or athletically (not making progress or leveling up on the workouts after a while).

Because she knew where she was going, she could make adjustments to her diet or workout strategy and stay on target!

She had a great support team: Life never works out exactly as planned. Shit happens. We get busy. Life gets in the way. If we don’t have a plan to support us during these times, we don’t have an avenue to succeed; it’s that simple!

When things were tough, Ruth had a whole network of people to lean on. The amazingly supportive NF Academy Women’s group and her real life neighbors provided words of encouragement and advice when training got tough or she fell off the wagon.

Follow in Ruth’s Footsteps

If you find yourself in “Before” Ruth’s shoes, here’s what you can do today to change:

Accept this is NOT all or nothing. Small changes and baby steps will win out in the long run.

Accept you ARE worthy of a life and body you’re proud of. 

Acknowledge the journey might be hard, but it is possible and you are capable of change.

Start. Today. Go for a walk. Eat a vegetable. Be deliberate, but start.

Track your progress. Photos, measurements, scale. Do so every 2 weeks.

Get hooked on getting better – You don’t HAVE to work out. You GET to work out.

Surround yourself with positive people, virtually or in real life, who will support you and keep you accountable.

Don’t wait for January 1st, beach season, or your next big event to start. Ruth needed 11 months to invest in herself before she decided “I might as well get started.”

I want TODAY to be the day you get started. Eat a veggie for lunch and go for a walk. Recruit a buddy on your walk during your lunch break.

And then down the road, I want you to email me YOUR NF success story so you can inspire a few hundred thousand people too.

-Steve

PS: We’re really freaking proud that Ruth applied our mindset, nutritional, and workout strategies from the Nerd Fitness Academy to change her life. I’d be honored if you checked it out and decide if it’s something that could help you on your journey. With over 25,000 students, and a 60-day guarantee, it might be the thing you need.

PPS: Seriously though, just go for a walk. That’s all you need to change your life.

http://ift.tt/2m49Cxd