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Astro Observations- 38
Aries suns with Scorpio moons can be big adrenaline junkies. They need to do something dangerous that makes them feel alive. They can be extreme sometimes such as fast driving, mixing substances ect. They don’t feel like they’re living if they aren’t experiencing enough intensity. They should learn to focus this energy in healthier ways such as maybe exercising and sports.
Pisces Mercury’s often did art to express their emotions when younger. I’ve seen Pisces Mercurys who struggled to logically explain how they feel so they would draw or make crafts to show what they were feeling. Their emotions a lot of the times are too complex and intense to explain with only words. They work better with visuals. They could’ve also been better visual learners compared to people giving straightforward instructions when in a classroom setting (they are usually very imaginative).
Mars in Scorpios can have a hard time keeping friends and partners because of how intense they can be. When hurt they can say some really scary fucked up things that can make people want to distance themselves away. ESPECIALLY when they get jealous. They can be super cut throat with their words.
Taurus Venus’s usually came from households where they were exposed to really good food. Either they had enough money in their childhoods to afford high quality ingredients or they came from a family who cooked a lot. This can cause them to be natural cooks themselves. Usually indulged a lot as a child.
Aquarius suns either give IT girl/boy too cool for you vibes or they’re complete weirdos with a school shooter vibe no in between.
I believe Taurus suns are way more jealous than Scorpio suns
Leo moons tend to be the most awkward Leo placement. They have this dorkiness about them which most people don’t expect but I’ve seen it a lot. They can also be very childishly dramatic about very minor problems. Any little inconvenience is seen as a tragedy. However they usually are extremely talented in one area (usually art related) I’ve seen a lot of musicians and drama kids have this placement.
I’d love to have a Sagittarius moon yall seem like you generally don’t give a f*ck what people think and I’m here for it. Such a happy moon sign. However your good vibes 24/7 attitude can make others believe you’re insensitive or shallow.
I notice a lack of fire in the chart can cause a person to go into depression easier. It’s harder to be optimistic.
Venus in 2nd house isn’t just about being rich it also has to do with self esteem as well! When these people are really on the right path they can live such a favorable life! These are the girls you see on YouTube who’s morning routine is waking up at 6, eating a balanced breakfast, moisturize and exfoliate and exercise all before 8 lmao. Usually they don’t start making good money until they fix their self worth but once they do it’s like they flow with the universe without much obstacles. But when struggling with your self esteem you can become bad with your money and be very greedy and jealous of others success so be careful!
Venus in 7th house people are so lucky with relationships. It’s like they just slide into romantic relationships so easily & naturally. So many people want to cuff them up it’s insane. They tend to get along with a lot of different personalities. Very diverse people which attracts people to them like magnets. However, they can be very codependent and do poorly when alone.
Pisces suns are either extremely wise or super foolish and immature. They also always look like they don’t know what’s going on whether they actually do or really don’t😭 even if they are listening to everything your saying it looks like they have nothing going on in their minds like they got a lobotomy lmao (sometimes tho they really don’t know what’s going on, especially Pisces mercs)
Mercury in Capricorns are normally super smart. Street wise and book wise. They can come off as intimidating tho sometimes because of how intelligent they come off. They also have a vibe that can lowkey make people feel unwelcome like you’re too dumb to talk to them💀 (similar to cap risings). They tend to surround themselves with people older/more mature than them they can really get put off but younger acting energies.
Sag risings can be SOOO loud. Especially when they get excited or drunk.
Having a Sun in Aries and a Cancer moon seems like the most difficult sun/moon placements to have together. You have this tough exterior and such a vulnerable interior that no one knows about so people usually treat you harshly not knowing it’s really hard for you to take that☹️ also struggles a lot with being vulnerable to anyone.
Every Pisces Mars woman I’ve ever met was so dazzling to look at. They have such an ultra feminine nature that’s almost ethereal.
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Bakugo makes you laugh, A LOT and it drives him insane.
“It was not that damn funny.”
You try to conceal the snickers from your mouth, but fail horribly. All he did was mutter something about Mineta being a punk ass and it had you giggly.
At first he used to take offense by it, maybe you were laughing AT him and not what he says, almost like mocking him, that wasn’t until Deku quickly explained in passing that you laugh very easily.
But you don’t laugh this damn much with anybody else but him. At this point he thought you had a similar quirk to Ms. Joke, and he nicknamed you Giggles.
You both were studying in the library like you both usually do during exam week, and Bakugo noticed you haven’t been Miss. Cackle the past few days. Not even a smile actually and you’d think it would have been some relief for him from hearing your laugh obxonious laugh, but he’s actually more annoyed.
He looks up from his book and glances at you across the table, you’re typing away, with a less that neutral look on your face. Lips somehow forming a pout and eyes looking droopy. He scoffs going back to his work, but it was an itch he needed to scratch with you..?
“Who pissed in your breakfast.”
“What?”
“You been looking like a sad lost puppy all week what the hell is your problem.”
The corner of your lips cracked upwards a bit, almost as if you were fighting to smile, but instead you shrug, “‘Nothing you needa worry about. Why.”
It was almost concerning how calm you sounded. Your voice was more tame that you didn’t even sound recognizable which make Bakugo crease his brows, “You suck at lying. Is it, because of that shitty boyfriend you have pissed you off.”
He was referring to Shindo, he wasn’t your boyfriend, but he was a guy you got close with after meeting him a few years ago, but Bakugo was half right he was part of the problem.
You had a small crush on Shindo , but overheard him tell his classmates how he isn’t into you like that mainly because you’re not his type and how much he can’t stand how loud you talk/laugh sometimes.
It hurt hearing it, when he found out you heard he tried apologizing but you didn’t wanna hear it, so since then you’ve turn self conscious about speaking and laughing too loudly for the past week to avoid anymore issues that you have caused with people.
After slowly explaining to the Blonde he rolled his eyes, “You’re ganna let the walking vibrator dictate your life too? So stupid.”
“You hate my laugh too. What does it matter.”
Bakugo stayed silent for a moment while you went back to work. Thinking how could he word what he wants to say without sounding like an idiot, “I never said that, besides you never stopped even when I did tell you your laugh was annoying. If you want to cackle like a hyena who gives a fuck—“
You break into a snicker but end up covering it with your hand. He cracks a proud smirk, he almost forgot what you looked like with a smile, “I don’t wanna be loud. Just can’t help it.”
“We know.”
You giggle at his deadpanned voice, it really wasn’t your fault, you’re just so easy to please and Bakugo knows that, “Giggly ass, and I seen you almost laugh when Denki tripped at the lecture today.”
“Becauuseee he is always so dramatic when he falls.” You whined into a chuckle, sharing a small one with him.
It was a start of many more shared laughs after studying, Katsuki even tried to be just a LITTLE bit more funnier than usual when walking back to the dorms. When you finally cracked a real loud one out he felt himself grinning at you.
“Katsuki Alexander Bakugo are you smiling?”
“Don’t you EVER say my full name like that again got dammit I will blow you the hell UP!”
You almost fall to your knees of how funny his reaction was to you, it felt so good to smile again. You missed it, and so did everybody else the next day apparently.
Mina and some others thought you were depressed, Deku assumed you were sick, Denki outwardly blamed Bakugo which got him smacked, and IIda actually missed your loud noises as well.
Your classmates enjoyed your presence more than you thought they did.
But Bakugo missed it the most.
Your laughs drives him insane, because he loves to hear them.
#mha#bakugo katuski#bakugo x black reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x reader#bakugou x y/n#bakugou x you#bnha bakugo katsuki#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugo mha#bakugo fluff#bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#virgin bakugo#mha bakugou#bakugo#bakugo x black female#bakugo x you#bakugo x y/n#bakugo x female reader#bakugo x
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osctober day twenty nine
prompt: alpha pairing: lando/oscar a/n: snippet from the pregnant lando fic i'm writing, which TOTALLY ocunts for this prompt because it has alpha!oscar lmao
Life is so much better wrapped up in the buttery soft fabric of Oscar’s hoodie. Lando gets through three other admittedly boring meetings and an hour long conversation with Zak without any more bouts of nausea, although by the end of it he does feel exhausted, and his chest has this itchy painful feeling that’s getting really hard to ignore.
He contemplates just going home, but it’s not like there’s anything waiting for him there, so he holes himself up in one of the tiny flexible workspaces that are dotted around the MTC, and opens his laptop to stare mindlessly at some stuff the PR team asked him to look at.
Here’s the thing he did not consider. The flexible workspace area is pretty open plan. So if anyone were to walk by, they could see Lando sitting there quite easily. Anyone, really. Someone like, well. Oscar, for example.
“Uh,” Oscar says, roughly three meters away from Lando’s little table. “I, uh. Lando?”
Lando looks up from his laptop, dropping the hoodie string he’d been chewing on from his mouth. “Oscar, hey. ‘Sup?”
Oscar, meanwhile, is just kind of staring at Lando, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. “You, uh. The uh,” he starts. Lando needs to have a talk with management, later. Clearly they’re overworking Oscar, based on the way he’s spacing out right now. “Hoodie?” Oscar eventually manages to stutter out.
Lando’s blood turns cold as he suddenly realizes what the problem is. The hoodie. He’s still wearing Oscar’s hoodie. Oscar was never meant to find out, but now he definitely has, with the way he’s staring at Lando like he’s some kind of alien. “Fuck,” Lando says, frantically wedging himself from behind the table. The second he comes closer to Oscar, Oscar takes a step back, takes a deep breath in through his mouth. “Fuck I am so sorry, it was just-“
And yeah. How is he going to explain this one? He can just lie and say he was cold, but then why. Why would he grab Oscar’s hoodie and not one of the million McLaren hoodies readily available? Besides, does he really want to lie to Oscar? Oscar, who’s never been anything but honest with him, has always treated him with kindness?
“Fuck,” Lando says again, “Really, this is. This is very embarrassing for me, actually, but uh. Your scent? It kind of helps? With the uh… Nausea and shit. I realized yesterday, when you helped me when I was puking and so uh. The hoodie was just there and I… Well. But you can have it back? Here let me-“
“Don’t,” Oscar says, almost like it gets ripped out of him, the second Lando tries to wrestle his arm out of one of the hoodie sleeves. “You don’t. You can keep it on. If it helps.”
He’s bright red, not making any eye contact with Lando, clearly uncomfortable, but. But he said. If he didn’t want Lando to wear his hoodie he would…. Right?
Lando tucks his arm back into the sleeve. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “This is like, super weird.”
Oscar shakes his head. “It’s fine. I know smells can be like, weird, when you’re pregnant, so it’s… I get it.”
#landoscar#i'm struggling with this fic rn but ack#hope to get back to it#drabble#snippet#osctober 2024
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YOOO EPIC THE MUSICAL x LIFE SERIES AU THINGGG
this post is made specifically for @patches4thechaos no one else (/j)
It’s kind of (???) like a masterpost of this AU, but like badly structured and I haven’t made good reference sheets just some color palettes next to some ok drawings I suppose (I am very much going to redraw them just not soon maybe idk) SO UH HERE ROLES AND WHY I PICKED THEM
Odysseus - Joel
Notes - Idk he was the only one I could safely use because he ACTUALLY HAS A WIFE. Also it’s fun to be different. Though using him as Zeus is also like really fitting. Oh well. You get all the trauma Joel.
Penelope - Lizzie
Notes - I’m sorry Lizzie you’re cool and badass but unfortunately you’re also Joel’s wife and Pen is Ody’s wife. I do like to dream you videotape him killing all the sutiors though.
Telemachus - Hermes
Notes - I literally have no idea who this guy is except he’s vaguely bird-like from fandom perception and also Joel’s son. But he fits the son role pretty well from what I see. (He’s in Empires btw)
Eurylochus - Martyn
Notes - Bro needs more main roles- Like he’s the least popular Life Series winner (which isn’t a low bar all of them are like super popular) but honestly I made Ren Polities and was like “Welp the only only valid option for Eurylochus is Martyn” and rolled with it.
Polities - Ren
Notes - Ren is a happy-go-lucky joyous boy and I think more people need to recognize that like bro is walking through life confused af but dam happy about it I’ll tell you. Everyone is like “Red King angst angst angst” like he has no idea what’s going on at all times.
Polyphemus - Bdubs
Bdubs is the only viable option for Polyphemus like animal-obsessed and murderous? Who else? Also he has a giant horse demon.
Aeolus - Skizz
Notes - He seems the popular choice, and his goofy demeanor and angelic fandom traits really show why. I have a really vivid mental image of his giant angelic form flapping its wings and pushing the ships with giant gusts of wind. It’s my second favorite moment in all of this.
Circe - Gem
Notes - Actually, I can’t take credit for this one, I saw someone with a different EPIC AU who put her as Circe and using skulk instead of seduction in There Are Other Ways and I was like “GENIUS” and stole it. She fits pretty well.
Hermes - Scar
No other viable option. Especially the fandom meme of Hermes selling drugs to Odysseus, seems like something Scar would do. Also the fun beat and Hermes’s other song “Dangerous” is definitely his vibe like seriously.
Tiresias - Grian
Notes - I have so much unnecessary angsty lore that has nothing to do with actual Tiresias like he was barely twenty when he died but grew up in the underworld, he was forced into being a preist to the Secret Keeper (watcher robes and stuff) and is familiar with a lot of the gods because he’s a prophet. I also have a bunch of desert duo shit (obviously).
Siren - BigB
Notes - Honestly an arbitrary choice, but my main inspiration was Double Life and how he “pretended” to be Grian’s soulmate. Like, this is a completely different situation but like same concept. Ha you fuck up big time B.
Scylla - Pearl
Notes - Look the giant serpent heads are Pearl’s wolf pack Joel’s head is illuminated but the blood moon reflected in the water before they dock and walk through a dark cave and like his face is bathed in the blood of the moon and in the end the blood of his comrades THE SYMBOLISM. The “drown in your sorrow and tears” LIKE DOUBLE LIFE YALL I CANT.
Antinous - idk honestly
Notes - HE’S EVIL AND A JERK IDK
Calypso - Iskall
Notes - Yoooo our one of our only non-lifers- I guess he doesn’t really count for a Life Series AU but like he was too perfect Calypso being like “Noooo why are you breaking up with me” and Odysseus being like “WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER” real Iskall and Joel coded relationship.
Zeus - The Secret Keeper
Notes - The only problem with this one is Thunder Bringer because he seems a lot more like just a guy there (an all powerful jerk guy but that’s besides the point) and less like an omnipotent divine deity which is what I was going for with the Secret Keeper in the Horse and the Infant and God Games.
Athena - Cleo
Notes - I saw her sometimes depicted with snake hair like Medusa and ya know Athena turned Medusa into a gorgon so I thought “Hey what if Cleo was Athena and her hair turned into snakes when she’s angry” like in My Goodbye and the “hold your tongue” scene in God Games. I gave her dreads so it’s a smoother transition.
Poseidon - Etho
Notes - Another arbitrary choice! I must blame this on my Ethubs brain like this AU is actually mostly based on Last Life (or at least the relationships) so like red life Bdubs being almost killed by Joel would really piss him off. But also in Limited Life Bdubs is technically Etho’s son so you could take it as that. (Sorry Boat Boys shippers I actually really considered putting him as Calypso)
Apollo - Jimmy
Notes - Now we’re getting into the really arbitrary choices. This was mostly a color match, and Jimmy seems like the kind of guy to own a bunch of cows and throw a hissy fit when one of them is killed.
Hephaestus - Tango
Notes - Actually, I had Tango for Hephaestus in my head for a while. Idk he just has inventor vibes that would very obviously be angry at Joel’s basically sacrifice of his entire crew.
Aphrodite - Scott
Notes - This was mostly an excuse so I could put Scott in like flowy beautiful clothing also he seems like the kind of guy to be the god of love like bro is very gay.
Ares - Impluse
Notes - I… have no good reasoning for this. Impulse in my head is actually one of the chillest of all the Lifers but he seems like he could get very scary if he was ever actually angry.
Hera - Mumbo
Notes - And here we are, the winner of all the arbitrary choices I made for this AU. Man. Idk he had that one hipster outfit and Hera gives off very 80’s hipster vibes. Maybe that’s what he’ll wear. Huh. This only came to mind like now
This was all supposed to be meant for just me so if it’s confusing then uh sorry
Bam the ok references I have you didn’t expect me to have every character did you naw I’m too lazy for that
Don’t mind the terribly scribbled notes on any of them either pfft um
a couple doodles (Scar cameo lol) (click for full image on the second one)
Looking back on it I made those references MONTHS ago Ren’s cape looks so goofy
Less of a Life Series AU and more of a Hermit-Life-Empires AU um IM STILL CALLING AND TAGGING IT EPIC THE MUSICAL x LIFE SERIES THO
And I swear if you make any fanart tag me or I will hunt you down (/lh) (Probably not gonna be fanart but JUST IN CASE)
#I am not tagging all those characters no thank you#life series#life series au#epic the musical x life series AU#trafficblr
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[INAMORATA] SNIPPET . *࿐ SUNDAY, MOZE, SOMEWHAT JIAOQIU??
adding a disclaimer that reader is an incubus before yall are bodyslammed by the first line
HONKAI STAR RAIL MASTERLIST
MASTERLIST ・゜・NAVIGATION
You should’ve stuck with your regular dinner of passively absorbing peoples’ horny thoughts like some weird fucking sponge.
You really should’ve, and now you’re cursing yourself as you morosely shovel what appears to be some inscrutable form of soggy college food past your stony lips. The food isn’t the problem, though any self-respecting college student would probably be wincing and picking at it rather than dispassionately taking bite after bite like you are. It’s a bit disheartening to know your cover could be blown from how you seem to truly appreciate the cooking, but in another life you’d argue your soullessness befits the statistics analysis you’re half-reading, half-doom scrolling past.
But the differential equations aren’t the fucking problem either.
The problem is the man sitting across from you. Or more accurately, across and one seat to the left, because apparently he’s gracious like that.
You thought nothing of the flash of soft, dove-grey that you saw from your peripherals at first—nor the fluttering scarf that brushed ever so slightly by your bare shoulder. You were, after all, too preoccupied with clicking and unclicking your pen in irritation at the thick stack of paper by your tray. A bit too preoccupied, but you look up and suddenly you’ve got a cult member all up in your face with way too many slices of raspberry cheesecake on his plate.
That’s what you notice at first, then you look up and it’s fucking Sunday of all people, resembling a word problem a bit too much with how many pieces are on his plate.
You disguise your shock. You hope it’s successful, but judging by his soft cough of surprise, you don’t think you are. Mind racing, you turn back to your own plate and equations, connecting some dots far better than others (judging by the mindless scribbles on the sheet). Just to check, you observe his energy fluctuations a little longer—they’re still as incomprehensible as ever.
Inordinate amount of food. Emotions you can’t read. A penchant for ignoring the finer points of human assimilation, such as staring at others a bit too fucking much.
“Do you need something?”
Quit staring.
Of course, you keep the quiet part quiet.
You’re sitting opposite an angel, after all.
Well, opposite and a seat away.
When you finally look back up, his usually cold gaze is even colder—you wish you never said anything, even if it’s making your concentration in statistics flounder. With bated breath, you pray it’s simply because he doesn’t like you, not because he’s about to possibly exsanguinate you—then you laugh at yourself because you’re a demon, therefore no god will listen to your prayers. No matter how earnestly you try, nobody will hear your plea.
No demon would knowingly provoke an angel like this, or at least you hope they wouldn’t. But you’re not most demons—you don’t actually want to be sent back down to hell.
You hope that small fact erases whatever suspicions he has.
“No,” he finally replies. His voice is strangely soothing, but you know that angels are never depicted as the temptation your kind are painted as. And as your eyes flick to your surroundings, you notice that some of the people sitting nearby are glaring daggers at you for even breathing in his presence. You half wonder if he’s recruited them into his cult already. “Professor Hopkins told me to notify you that we’ll have a group project briefing for the next lecture.”
“Right.” And he couldn’t send an email? And this was important enough to break your silence for? And this merits your staring? The words, though poignant, die down on your tongue, but you’re sure he can feel the vexation contributing to global warming, just a little. Angels are unable to discern the rich nuance of lust and love, but even a plant would wilt from the shockwaves bursting from your tension headache. “Message duly noted.”
He does not leave like you’d hoped. His fork instead cuts deep into the raspberry cheesecake, and you watch it bleed out on his plate.
He’s no longer staring at you, but you know he is just as keenly aware of you as you are of him.
#slowd1ving#res ・゚ writing#x reader#honkai star rail#hsr#male reader#hsr x reader#x male reader#res ・゚ snippet#honkai star rail moze#honkai star rail sunday#honkai star rail jiaoqiu#moze x reader#moze x male reader#sunday x male reader#sunday x reader#hsr x male reader#hsr smut#sub hsr#jiaoqiu x reader#jiaoqiu x male reader#fantasy au#but also modern#university au#halloween#it's october yk what that means#something freaky...#freaktober
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I need to like. peer inside PAD’s brain. how do u write someone’s partner saying “Um actually yes I do know you’re angry even though you’re denying it because you start using big words” while in the presence of someone who drugged said partner as not either incalculably ignorant or outright trying to humiliate that person in front of someone who evidently enjoys holding power over them.
#tunes talks critical#<- I’m not angry just like. incredibly confused as to how PAD fumbles writing Dana so badly at literally every possible opportunity#like if you THINK for more than a singular second about what is happening on the page plus#the knowledge that Dana has said she’s staying with Stone in the first place as a passive aggressive jab back at Miguel for not hanging out#as much you’re like what the actual fuck is your problem#that’s. incredibly cruel and humiliating.#but Dana is ALSO inextricable from PAD just. not offering her interiority so ur just left there like I’m vaguely mad but how mad can I even#be a plot device and isn’t THAT more worthy of anger/critique#ughhhhhh idk#tunes talks 2099
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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#warning: rant about parent ahead#I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles#like exceedingly so#but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing#and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE#you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all#and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on#and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them#but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us#she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me#and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’#and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc#but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!!#which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day#but of course she won’t hear it#so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!!#i just shut the fuck up at all times now#but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him#’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc#THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS#i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it#It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno#and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room#it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself*#she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t#i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me#so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago#But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with#and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do#AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER
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I hate school so fucking much lol and I always just thought I was taking too many credits but this semester I finally took a normal amount of credits and it doesn’t matter. It’s not the amount of classes, it’s just having any classes at all. I feel like there was definitely a time where I could handle it but not anymore lmfao… this place was crazy. Sent me into my first real and scary panic attack, broke me out in stress hives, ruined my sleep, turned me into a mega hater…. smh. I know it could be a million times worse so I feel bad for complaining but it was not cool. All I can hope for is that my degree and good grades that I damn near died trying to get for literally no reason do me some good in real society tho I doubt it lmao
#like why did I try so hard lmfao…… I don’t need a 4.0 I’m not going to grad school I’d rather kms#I don’t know. I didn’t realize I was trying that hard I just thought that’s how hard I was supposed to try#IDK!!!!#I have never been good at knowing how much effort to put into things my entire life#I give everything 110 percent when it feels like I’m giving it like. Idk. 80 percent#everyone calls me a perfectionist and IM NOT TRYING TO BE LOL I don’t know how to gauge what I can or can’t be dismissive of!!!#it’s hard for me to discuss this problem I have without it sounding like I’m being like ‘omg I’m so smart that I do everything perfect by#accident’#THATS NOT WHAT I MEEEEAAAN#whatever#some people’s mental health issues make their grades tank but I have never had below an A- in my life and if u ask me that is also#indicative of an issue like LOL. if your child is like that then get them help for fucking real#ugh I love my mom and it’s not her fault but when I was a kid I was literally bawling and having stress headaches and canker sores DAILY#after school and being unable to sleep because I was so afraid of going the next day#and she was just like. ‘I was like that too :) it’s normal. you’re just a perfectionist’#ACTUALLY IM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND FOR NO REASON but okay#ok sorry let me just shout out some gratitude tho to the handful of teachers I had who were epic and had swag#I loved them#they didn’t make up for the rest of this bullshit though LOL
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#personal#my dad never fucking listens or actually considers alternate perspectives and it’s so fucking annoying#it’s like#if you don’t agree with him then you’re just being stubborn#when he’s not actually considering what you’re saying#and I try to EXPLAIN why I think something but he just doesn’t have it#he just assumes I’m not listening to or understanding him#when I AM#the problem is YOU aren’t listening to ME#if you fucking LISTENED to me in the first place I wouldn’t have to repeat myself#but it’s useless anyway bc you just don’t think it’s a valid perspective or some shit#you’ve already made up your mind#it’s fucking infuriating#like words can’t describe how much it pisses me the FUCK off#and this isn’t even about high concept shit!!!! this is EVERYDAY SHIT!!!!
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#I fucking hate how my dad has essentially told me that it’s my fault I’m in so much pain#not that he’d ever acknowledge how much pain I’m actually in#but I just keep getting told that my general physical condition is my fault and I’m a burden for needing more support than others#and that I don’t know what I need or how to take care of myself and just generally that I’m bad for being disabled#not that anyone would ever say that I’m disabled#and I just hate it! I’m so tired of it#I’m tired of my dad treating exercise like a cure and my mom supporting me only when my dad isn’t around and never in any meaningful way#and I’m tired of feeling like an unlovable burden when I’m in so much pain that I can’t stand#because it’s really getting to my head! I almost texted my friend asking them if they were sure they wanted to be roommates with me because#I might be in pain sometimes and that might impact them#like. what the fuck!? they already know I’m disabled and they’re disabled too! and we support each other and we are more than aware of what#being roommates consists of. my parents are just getting into my head to the extent that I feel like I shouldn’t be around people because#I’m a burden and unlovable due to my pain and I would tell anybody else that that’s wrong#so why am I letting myself believe it?#also I keep saying that my parents are getting better but I don’t think they’ve changed. They can communicate a bit better but#their feelings are the same and that’s the problem. they don’t understand and they don’t care until they’ve had time to think about it#about it and normally I’d be fine with that but when you’re stuck on the floor crying in pain you just want someone to care#you don’t want to wait until your health comes up weeks later in a conversation#you just want compassion and someone to be there with you and tell you it’ll be okay#they have never done that
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the first thing people always notice about alana is her eyes.
#headcanon. dr. bloom.#headcanon. dr. bloom. a good forensic psychiatrist; maybe the best.#[they’re the frost of water turning to ice before its full freeze in the earliest winter morning.#they’re the color it turns as it thaws slow slow slow and then freezes again. they’re so cold.#but they’re purely near white blue. wolffish and beautiful at once. they can be so cruel. and she can have the kindest eyes you’ve ever#seen. she can make you feel incredibly loved or she can absolutely crumble you with a glance. she KNOWS it too.#all her emotions show through her eyes is also the problem. she lies so well because she forces herself to feel it. so potent.#she can replicate an emotion painfully well for herself. she fucking hates it. it’s so hard and so much to deal with. but without it—#she wouldn’t be her. she’s explained the way her empathy works to a few people and I distinctly remember it was trish who was like#‘Jesus Christ I wouldn’t want that shit’ without even meaning to before going ‘it sounds so overwhelming to deal with’ before Alana broke#down in tears seconds later because she’s not hard and if you think she is you’re buying what she’s selling and you’re being grifted.#Alana bloom is my most dangerous muse and I write kitty ‘nexus of nothingness embodied’ valentine.#but I tend to think: would kitty be tricked into… anything by Alana? oh yeah. like. immeasurable yeah. a yeah the size of Texas.#Alana finds your weakest point because every single diamond has a flaw and she just g e n t l y begins to chip.#she’s good!hannibal. she’s the actual good doctor like. I think Tara Jess and I have unironically convinced the fandom that’s her title.#(lmfao it isn’t it’s lecter’s but book!lecter deserves it. show!lecter was a shit therapist. at least book!lecter was amazing at his job.)#and you know who his protege is? Alana!!!! she’s so deadly I’m in love with her and I’ve loved her for years now.#me: this is the side character I’ve written for more than a decade who causes a chain reblog reaction every time I post that gif set#if you know you know.]
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actually when you look at the start of the season where Ted’s wondering if he’s still needed there, the best arc for him would have been to SEE everything they still have to do, to take not having won it all as a sign there’s more to accomplish, create new ties in the community or be reminded of how much his current relationships mean, how much more time he might want to reconnect with Nate or spend with Beard & Rebecca, etc., and to talk to Michelle about working things out to maybe see Henry more, because he is not stalled at Richmond, he’s just getting started. ideally with a theme throughout about how he doesn’t NEED to be USEFUL as long as he’s enjoying himself, that he needs to have his own fulfillment too, but that, yes, working more on the team is something that could give him that!!
#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#come on!!!!#the idea he ALREADY feels stalled out after a single decent season like why is bro RUNNING!!!#you need more therapy!!!#actually to go from talking about how parents fuck you up to having henry get his#depressed alcoholic dad back when he has nothing in his life EXCEPT henry (good parents greag but he needs more to feel joy or purpose for#or it’s going to put WAY too much pressure on henry to make him happy)#like bro we’re NEVER breaking the cycle bro!!!#if for nothing else you NEEDED to stay at richmond till you were healthier for your son THAT is what you’re doing here!#i tie a lot of this back to rebecca’s questionable advice that boiled down to#’don’t worry if your ex is in THE most red flag medical malpractice relationship#loving your son will fix every problem : )’#god!
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Girl help I just realised this coding course me and my friend signed up for has a PRESENTATION COMPONENT?? As in we have to PRESENT something to a group of who knows how many people?! ONLINE????? What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck
#if it were just me i wouldn’t be that bothered. like i literally used to teach. public speaking is nbd for me#even if it’s to faceless people on a screen like idc… what are they going to do. shoot me bc my code is wrong and i say ‘um’ too much? lmao#they have to find me to shoot me#also i’m humble enough to know that my presentation won’t stand out from the rest as being particularly good or bad#yet egotistical enough to know that i won’t fuck it up completely because i’m too generally good at presenting#my friend though. presenting with my friend is actually going to be terrible because she is going to fully shit her pants#and I’M going to be the one who has to tell her a million times ‘you’re not going to fuck up and anyway it doesn’t matter if you do’#and she WON’T LISTEN#like don’t ask for consolation if you’re not going to be consoled goddamn#and i get it! i’ve had that anxiety. i STILL have anxiety. i’ve spent most of the day beating myself up over a badly worded email i shot off#without thinking & received a sarcastic reply to#but for god’s sake CALM DOWN. you’re facing s class of your peers who are too nervous about their own presentations to listen to what you’re#saying; not a fucking firing squad. and if in doubt you can just let me talk the whole time#or i’ll just write out word for word what you need to say and put it in front of you#teamwork is optional for the project but i already know she’s going to make me team up with her and it’s going to be bad#i hope presenting is optional as well lol bc i can’t DO this with her. i do not have sufficient patience#when i was a teacher i was basically mother theresa but now that i’m a barista i don’t want to hear whining#it is a big problem#personal
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ENOUGH WITH THE REBOOTS AND SPIN OFFS ENOUGGGHHHHH
#first of all why is it always teen shows that they reboot like what for#second of all can anyone name a single reboot that was equally as good and popular as the original#only one I can think of that I would say was as good was 90210 but even that’s up for debate#but the gossip girl reboot? a train wreck from start to finish idk what they were thinking#the pll reboot had slightly more positive reception but even that came and went#compared to the crazy hype the og had. and keep in mind the og was terrible#but I could see the incentive to reboot both of these shows cause people were neither satisfied with the conclusion#of gossip girl nor pretty liars… but one tree hill? why on earth would you reboot one tree hill?#personally I find one tree hill boring but I know for most people that’s like the gold standard of tv#so why would you go and add more to something people were satisfied with#sure you get the hype but you’re also gonna be subject to so much more backlash if it doesn’t meet the originals standards#and one tree hill set the bar PRETTY FUCKING HIGH#if they wanted it to just be about another generation at tree hill high well fine I guess I mean just go and make your own show#do I see the necessity in calling it a reboot? no like just make your own show about two half siblings on a basketball team#but fine let’s call it that. however putting Peyton and Brooke in it means you’re going to basically ruin their character arcs#like there’s no way Lucas and Julian are coming back so you’re already gonna turn a lot of people away#and the elephant in the room is that most people are concerned about the Woke aspect#what I’ve seen in the past is that these reboots start off trying really hard to be politically correct to demonstrate how#it’s a different time now and things have changed#but I think they misunderstand how much modern audiences hate this? and let me make it clear I don’t have a problem with a show being h#socially aware. it’s that the way these reboots handle it is SO heavy handed and unsubtle#there’s just no nuance about it no actual depth it feels… tokenizing?? that’s not the right word#but like they just throw it in there like it’s a box to check before they forget about all of it#but not before you’ve alienated your audience#anyways this will be bad let’s enjoy!
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