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ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused · 2 years ago

Note

OR another idea: don’t ask me how that happened, but merle has a child (and ofc it’s reader) but since he doesn’t really take care of her - are we surprised? - daryl does and he sees her as her own daughter

(tbh idk how to feel about this one but.. yeah :D)

ೇ new age ― daryl dixon .ᐟ

pairing .ᐟ daryl dixon & teenage dixon!reader (platonic)

era | season 1

summary | merle didn't even want you in the first place, but with the state having been at your neck before the world ended, it looks like your stuck with your bigot father and quiet uncle.

warnings | shane is a warning within itself, so is merle, mentions of drugs, mentions of prostitution, mentions of heroin usage, mentions of drinking, smoking, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, merle is a dead beat but fuck him anyway we don't care, uncle daryl to the rescue, daryl dixon fluff, angst, arguing, teenage hormones.

wordcount | 1618

۶ৎ a/n .ᐟ | thank you anon so much for both of your requests that you've sent! this is 1/2 so!! and be surer if your ideas next time, because this was a lovely write, and i honestly enjoyed writing it! since they're still related in some way, i tried to make the character the same as them loosely, mostly in personality and such!

— links .ᐟ masterlist | ao3

It was safe to say you hated everyone; maybe it was grungy teenage hormones, or the fact that you were required by the state to live with your shitty dad and your uncle.

Merle knew that you existed, but he never bothered to even try and reach out to your mom or even offer any help, let alone put his name on your birth certificate.

You were glad that you didn’t uphold the Dixon name, because for the short three months that you lived with the brothers, they brought you nothing but disappointment. Your dad a loudmouthed, sexist, racist, drug addicted pig; your uncle, a closed off and reserved man that could never seem to think for himself, always following Merle around like a lost puppy.

It was safe to say you haven’t had the easiest childhood, with your mom having been a prostitute, it was easy for her to fall into habits such as alcoholism and drugs. Merle really wasn’t picky with the women he had sex with, and that’s what set you up for failure before you were even born.

Your home was a little run-down trailer that your mother couldn’t even be bothered to try and clean up, leaving out heroin needles, beer cans, food wrappers, and the overflowing ash tray on your cluttered coffee table across from the miniature sofa – that was your makeshift bed because she didn’t want to give up the queen size bed. By the time you reached high school you were skipping class and stealing your mother’s cigarettes.

Due to her neglect and the fact that you hadn’t attended school since your freshman year, the corrupt justice system sent you off to your closest relative, and that was your dad. They knew he was no good, having been in and out of many prisons and well acquainted with the cops around town, but it didn’t seem to make a difference, they just wanted you off their hands.

It wasn’t like he greeted you with open arms either, often locking you out of the townhouse all three of you lived in simply because he forgot you existed.

When the world ended, you hadn’t been home in what had seemed like forever, often disappearing to God knows just to forget about the world around you.

You hadn’t left your spot at the train tracks just meters away from your townhouse that was separated by a mere tree line, and much to your surprise, Daryl had been the one to come and snatch you up, telling you something along the lines of “Get yer ass up, girl. We gotta go.” You followed begrudgingly of course, rather dying wherever you were at than having to be forced to be near your piece of shit father.

The night that you had all left Atlanta together, you watched as planes flew over your heads, bombing what was left of the city.

Life had been mundane since finding the quarry and being hesitantly taken in by its inhabitants.

You were sitting at the campfire that was dimming, many were already sleeping, and you had no idea if the Dixons were too since both men wanted to set up their tents away from all the others. You really didn’t want to make the walk through the woods, unaware of what might be hiding within the shadows, and you didn’t have the energy to try and kill any of those bastards.

Reaching in your coat pocket, you were frustrated to find that you only had three cigarettes left. Sighing, you took one out and leant forward, lighting it with the dying flames that barely poked out from under the charred wood. You breathed in the fumes, releasing it and allowing your body to relax into the fold out chair.

“You shouldn’ be smokin’ that shit.” You heard a voice sound from behind you. You only rolled your eyes as he took a seat on another folded out chair next to you. You took another hit of the cancerous stick. “Don’t be a prude, Uncle Daryl.” You said with a smirk. As you spoke, you blew the smoke out of your mouth, the clouds causing your voice to sound foggy.

“Ya heard me.” You heard him say before he plucked the thing out from between your fingers and threw it in the pit. “What the fuck?!”

You said angrily, “I’m on my last pack. Fucking dick.” You mumbled the last part to yourself, but he heard it. “I’m jus’ tryna look out for ya. No need for ya to be a little asshole.” He bit back at you with narrowed eyes.

“What’s the point in looking out for me now? You sure as shit didn’t when the world was up and moving. No need to try and take care of me just because the dead are walking. Either way, I’m gonna die, either getting the skin ripped off my bones or lung cancer.” You got up as you glared at him.

“You don’t owe me shit, Daryl. Just leave me alone.”

Yes, you were being too hard on him, but there was a part of you that was bitter, that felt left behind by the world, like you didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. Little did you know, that’s exactly how Daryl felt too.

You had woken up sweaty, the Georgian heat bleeding through the thin walls of your tent. The area around you was quiet as you got up, walking over to the men’s tent and snatching back the tent flap only to find it empty. You had no idea where your dad or uncle was. You paid no mind to their absence as you wadded through the woods to see that there was barely anyone at the heart of the camp.

“Good afternoon sleepy head.” Carol greeted you sweetly. She was brushing through her little girl’s hair, braiding it between her nimble fingers.

If there was one person you couldn’t bring yourself to be rude to despite your distaste for many of those around you, it was Carol. You had recognized that she had already been through enough, with her abusive husband breathing down her and her daughter’s neck.

“You can’t jus’ keep sleepin’,” You Shane piped up. “Ya gotta pull your weight around here just like everyone else.” You huffed. “I just woke up man, get off my dick.” You said crudely, taking the plate of cooked squirrel that Carol had saved just for you. That seemed to piss the ex-cop off because he slapped the plate out of your hand, getting in your face as he glared down at you.

“Listen here, Dixon. Yer the oldest of any of the kids here, you don’t jus’ get a free pass ‘cause yer dad and uncle does the huntin.’” You glared up at him. “First of all, I ain’t no Dixon.” You said with a clenched jaw, a bit of your southern accent spilling out from between your lips.

“Secondly, if you mean doing laundry or cooking while the men do the killing and the women do the chores, then no chance in hell.” Your words were laced with venom, the battle for dominance between you and the older man evident as he attempted to stare you down. “Well, I for one don’t care what you think.” He all but growled.

“Seems like agree on something.” You spat.

“Aye!” You heard Daryl yell as he emerged from the woods. “The hell’s goin’ ‘ere?” He questioned; his eyes trained on Shane. “Dealin’ with your niece’s smart mouth that’s what.” You just scoffed. “Oh please. You were acting like a douchebag.” He stepped closer to you, causing you to lean back. “You wanna say that again?”

Before things could take a turn for the worse, you felt Daryl’s hand land on your forearm to tug you away from the man. You let him, despite the overwhelming need to knock Shane silly, your fists twitching at your sides and your irises burned with the flames of a thousand suns.

“I got ‘er. C’mon.” You heard your uncle say softly.

He led you back your camp where he sat you and him down on a rouge log.

“Ya can’t be getting’ into fights with him like that.” He scolded.

“He was treating me like I was some kid he could talk down to! Hell, even knocked my fuckin’ plate out of my hand like an immature asshole!” If there was one thing Daryl was sure of, it was that you were a Dixon, no matter how badly you tried to deny it, you had their hot-headedness and all, even down to his own preference cigarette brand.

“I can make ya some more. I jus’ don’ want ya getting’ hurt ‘cause I don’t trust Shane, not one bit, and I don’ know what he’ll do. Especially if me and Merle ain’ around.”

“It’s not like Merle would try and protect me anyways. If anything, he’d thank that bastard for getting rid of me. I’ve been nothing but a burden to him no matter how hard I try to separate myself away from him, from both you.” You spoke solemnly. Usually, you never spoke like this, but Daryl’s surprisingly soft words melted you like butter.

“You don’ need to separate yerself from me ‘cause yer not a burden, even if Merle can’t see that.”

There was a part of you that wanted to believe him, to find comfort in the callous redneck, and for a moment, you do, allowing yourself to lay your head on his shoulder.

“Merle is a dick, huh?” You ask with a small, watery laugh.

“Mhm.” He hummed, even though you knew it was one of approval.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy

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heenuna · 3 years ago

Text

draw those chalk suns again

pairing: artist!reader / childhood friend!sunghoon

genre: angsty & smuty fluff, a little bit cottage core

warnings: dom!reader, sub!sunghoon, smoking (cigarettes), selfharm, friends-to- lovers, cheating, lotsa crying, slight mention of suicide, toxic relationship, bathroom masturbation, unprotected sex (use condoms plz) —> creampies, mention of public sex (sex in a car), also the reader is a little bit savage and says inappropriate stuff sometimes

word count: 12.6k

a/n: i've never tried writing angst before so just let it be /ᐠ｡‸｡ᐟ\ also it's the longest fanfic here so i hope you'll enjoy it!

the design is inspired by @fallinforgyu (yep im not creative when it comes to designing headers im sorry)

tags: @donghoonie-3

masterlist here

───────────────────────────────────────

bin: «sorry, i'll text you later.»

me: «yeah, sure.»

of course, he won't text back.

and he won't call back.

and he won't even show up for the opening of your exhibition, which you've been preparing for so long. he won't come, and it's not your fault. and obviously not his one.

when did you two become so distant?

you don't even remember the last time you held Soobin in your arms, the last time you buried your nose in his soft hair, the last time you gave him a morning kiss..

those moments flew by and crashed into the rocks. you can't save them now. they're gone.

it's harsh.

it's very harsh to realize that the once beautiful garden of your love has become forever burnt in withering ashes. what fire took away all your dreams and forced them to fade away?

you don't know.

does he know? unlikely.

it's just that at some point your heart started to cover with a crust of a burning ice of his silence, ignoring and ... disappearing?

yes, you have already begun to forget the features of your once-beloved face, of his face, and it's begun to dissipate like a morning mist over a quiet field, as if it never existed, and the only thing that somehow reminds you of its existence is the dew. the purest kind of tears that you shed every day, morning and evening.

they fall from your lashes and race down your cheeks, flowing like little streams at the beginning of spring.

you're in pain.

you wish you could drown yourself in them, but they only blur the fine outline of your pencil sketches.

indeed, the drawing book is soaking wet. it's your fault, crybaby.

with trembling fingers, you scroll through the pages, occasionally exhaling nicotine smoke from your lungs, but the river of pain only increases its flow, and you begin to drown in it, making soft, not at all like you moans.

your throat is already aching from the endless howling, but how can you stop grieving for a love that died so suddenly before it could bear its first fetals? it's horrible.

another loud sob, and you swallow back the lump that has built up in your throat. did you feel better? no.

page by page, and on each of them there is a smiling Soobin’s face. his eyes are like crescent moons, dimples in his cheeks are so fine and deep, a straight row of white teeth..

he's perfect, but right now, when you look at his perfection, you don't see anything. just a cold emptiness. only the pain echoes from your head to your heart, shattering it into millions of small pieces that you'll probably never put back together. is it worth collecting them?

page by page..

«hmm, his face's still here..» a sudden remark goes through your hysterical mind when your eyes don't find Soobin’s face, but someone else’s familiar one?

straight, like out of a drawing textbook itself, nose; lovely moles and lips that looked like the petals of a newly opened rose..

Sunghoon.

even if you tried very hard, you wouldn't be able to remember how long you'd known him, but you knew for sure that you were close when you were playful, carefree kids.

memories of these fleeting moments of joy take you, as like through a portal, to the days of your childhood. little you draw funny suns with chalk on copper barrels, and your friend Sunghoon just watches you, holding the lizard he just caught with his baby fingers. he pouts, his cheeks are puffed out, and his eyes are fixed on your hand as it circles so easily.

you're a real sorceress, no doubt.

───────────────────────────────────────

«Sunghoon, hand me the white chalk,» little you commands efficiently, but the boy doesn't even move as he looks at your drawings.

«why?»

«i wanna draw clouds.»

«why?»

«i have to, there are always clouds,» you chuckle, reaching out for the other chalk, but Sunghoon quickly releases the lizard and grabs your hand, and shakes his head, frowning. you look at him with a look of displeasure and surprise. a silly boy.

«you don't need clouds because there are lots of suns,» Sunghoon stares at you, his cheeks puffing out even more as he presses his lips together. why doesn't he like clouds?

«but there must be clouds..» you whisper softly, and he shakes his head again.

«no clouds, just the suns. i won't let a single cloud ruin your suns.»

───────────────────────────────────────

damn, you smiled for the first time in so long. it turns out that it's so nice to be distracted from the life you've chosen for yourself. what a coincidence.

«i won't let a single cloud ruin your suns.»

should you..?

you flip through a few more pages, and then a few more until they're all full of Sunghoon's face. here he is 12, and this is your first attempt to draw a portrait.

oh, and here he is already 15, and he doesn't look so good with straight bangs!

15, 16, 17..

wow, the album is over. you squeeze the soft cover between your fingers in frustration and bite your lower lip, tossing your drawings aside.

are you angry with yourself? yes, you are.

as soon as you moved from your parents' house to the big city and he went off to study god knows where, you became estranged. Sunghoon and you have become significantly distant, unfortunately. of course, at first you texted each other almost every minute and the galleries of your phones were filled with your photos, but now..

now everything's different, and you can't bring it back. your friendship, his promise and your best portraits are left behind, the destroyed bridge can not be restored. it's harsh.

your heart starts to spasm again, and tears one more time fall from your eyes, eyes that were once happy. what has become of you, little girl who draws suns with chalk?

───────────────────────────────────────

an hour, two, and you get up from your chair, despite the weight on your shoulders. your feet wander reluctantly up and down the spacious apartment, but why does it feel so cramped, so stuffy?

maybe it's just the heat of july.

involuntarily looking out of the window, you see clouds of smoke, handfuls of people and a boundless sky covered with clouds of different colors and shades. a thunderstorm is coming but you can't hear the thunder or the screams of people. you're too wrapped up in your own thoughts, too disillusioned with your life and yourself.

you need to call your mom.

your fingers automatically reach into your back pocket, pull out your phone, and as you do a couple of swipes, a beeping sound fills your empty head. from the other end you can hear a calm and gentle «hello, daughter!»

daughter..

oh, you've gone from being a beautiful daughter to a dead fool.

you mumble a friendly «hi, mom» and then your conversation becomes easier, you definetely calm down when she starts telling you about the harvest of potatoes, onions and carrots, how beautiful the lilacs are blooming in your garden, how all the neighbors are doing and what's new with them..

«remember, when you were a kid, you were besties with Park Sunghoon, his family still lives at the very end of the suburb. he recently came home for a couple of days, and i saw him out of the corner of my eye. oh, he grew up into a fine man! he's so handsome now, _____, you should see him, I bet he still remembers you!»

..what?

your heart skips a beat so fast that you don't have time to breathe, and your eyes just widen in mute surprise. is Sunghoon there now?

«i see, mom, well, he's always been fine, so..»

«no, _____, he's not just fine, he's like a prince from a fairy tale! oh, if only the devil wouldn't let you get into an affair with this office worm Soobin..»

«mom!»

«what?! listen, pack up your pencils and come home, you've been away for too long,» mom adds plaintively, and you'd certainly be happy to say no and that you with your Soobin go on a cruise or something like that, but alas, lying to your mother is not good, and you quickly agree.

and, of course, you're collecting your things quickly as well.

your underwear, another set of clothes, pencils, paper, phone, charger, lighter, cigarettes, that's it, your bag is ready. but are you ready?

───────────────────────────────────────

as soon as you pull on your sneakers and unbend, your eyes fall on the mirror and you see your haggard, faded reflection. dark circles under your eyes, fluffy hair, fingers smeared with pencil..

will he like..?

stop.

no, no sunghoon, you're going to see your family, that's all. you have a job, a man, you are well off, you have recently opened your own exhibition, you are happy.. or not?

you try to convince yourself that during the two hours you spend getting back home. the taxi driver, a sweet 30-year-old girl with red and curly hair, is carefully driving an old, almost rotten, car, but that's the last thing you care about. looking through a small window, you see the way skyscrapers turn into trees and shrubs that seem untouched by humanity, and you feel at home for the first time in months. for real.

stopping right in front of your home, the girl turns around, and you give her the money, so she just smiles cheerfully, putting it in the pocket of a denim vest worn over an orange dress. she gives you her card, you give her a small portrait of her, and her powdered cheeks turn pink.

«thank you, call me when you decide to come back,» she babbles, and you smile, nodding. the car door slams shut and you press your lips together.

go back?

you don't want to go back.

not now.

and not later.

never.

the freshness of the forest, the warm embrace of your mom and the kind laughter of your dad are too good to leave again.

not now.

while you're settling into your old room, which hasn't changed since you left, your parents don't stop talking to you about the neighbors, and you're happy to listen and not get caught up in their chatter, as long as they keep talking. it's so nice to be back here, and it feels like the first time you've met the girl you once were. what would you like to tell her? how can you help her?

nah, to hell with her, let her go through all the difficulties herself and become as confident as present you are, and then she will get out of it herself. yes, that's right.

your tired body sinks down on the soft bed, and you almost dissolve into the comfort of your home, like sugar at the bottom of a tea mug, but your mother doesn't let you fall asleep, suddenly deciding that you just need to walk around the neighborhood and get some fresh air, city exhaust is so harmful for your young lungs.

with a quiet «yeah, sure» you take all the necessary things, namely the phone and cigarettes with a lighter, and go outside, followed by a kind look from your parents at your back.

a soft, fine rain falls from the sky and you lift your head up, enjoying the cold massage of caring drops. your chest still aches, but it doesn't matter. you look around with sleepy eyes and push your hair back up as you head down the hill, hands in your pockets.

your white shirt, half unbuttoned so that everyone can see the black top underneath, flutters in the light wind and gets wet from the rain, and soon begins to stick uncomfortably to your body, making you shiver. well, at least loose jeans do not let the cold pass, otherwise it would not be so fun and easy to be treated for cystitis..

you really want to smoke.

you're almost take out a cigarette, but suddenly a familiar woman calls you out and carries you away in a boring conversation that you would love to leave, but your mother taught you to be polite, so you continue to have simple convos with all the familiar aunties, so you don't even notice how your eye catches the house of someone you would not want to see, but who you totally missed.

Sunghoon's house.

you think the birds in the nearby bushes are singing his name, but do you care? you just bite your lips, clutching a pack of cigarettes and your phone in your pockets, and walk past it without looking at its fence, its roof, or its mailbox. to hell with it.

to hell with him.

your walk ends in a thunderclap. the birds instantly die down, the wind picks up, but you're in no hurry to come back home. your heavy thoughts carry you further along the road, past abandoned, dilapidated barns and cottages.

a sad picture.

loud weather.

quiet rage.

the raindrops are getting heavier, and a streak of lightning crosses the sky. nicely.

you quickly look around and, not finding a better option, decide to turn off in the direction of the barn familiar from childhood, where you with Sunghoon were so fond of playing hide and seek.

it hadn't changed, it was still damp and cozy, but did Sunghoon change? he did, there's no doubt.

damn, this guy is not going to leave your thoughts, and you accept this as you walk along the hay that has long since begun to decompose. the old boards creak loudly under the soles of your already damp sneakers, but you just ignore it.

you really want to smoke..

after wandering through the islands of your memory, you decide to stop in the opening of a large gate through which horse carts once passed, and lean one shoulder on the jamb, not thinking that the old paint tends to fall off and deftly stain light clothes. it's raining outside. you should have stayed in the house, but at least you can smoke here.

your fingers quickly take out a cigarette and squeeze its thin base before being pressed with your saliva-covered lips. you've been smoking for a long time and you don't need to be taught, which means you can just as quickly pull out a lighter and light the very tip in one movement.

you take a puff on your cigarette and slowly release the smoke.

are you feeling better?

no, but at least it looks beautifully.

you take a couple more puffs, idly watching the landscape of your native fields and streets, and then you notice something new: a white car.

it catches your attention, and you narrow your eyes slightly as you watch its slow move. behind the wheel there is a dark-haired guy in a whiteshirt like yours, and next to him, in the passenger seat, there is a blonde girl. the long-haired blonde girl you've never seen in your life.

another second, the guy parks the car and turns to his companion, you see his profile and there is no doubt: Park Sunghoon.

Park Sunghoon and his girl.

what a sweet picture.

you bite down on the cigarette filter a little and puff on it harder, not taking your eyes off them. one minute he was pushing both seats down, the next he was leaning over her, her arms wrapped around his neck..

of course, fucking in a car in the middle of a field is almost a literary trope. you lazily look up at the sky and sigh, letting out the last puff of smoke. the cigarette falls into a puddle and dies on contact with its surface.

just as your naive hopes of turning your life around for the better die, just like in these dramas.

shattered desires.

although, can you call it a desire? you just came home. you can also just go back to your concrete cage.

that's the end of the story.

you turn on your heel, graciously leaving. Sunghoon and his girlfriend get the privacy they deserve, and you go back the same way home like a dog beaten up in the yard: slow, sullen, and seemingly too calm to fuss about its injuries.

just twenty minutes of quiet walking and you can see the lilac garden and your mother again. she doesn't ask you anything, literally reading your expression like a simple pamphlet, and suggests you take a shower. you agree, because the raindrops are a little sticky. and it would be worth drying your clothes.

you don't feel any heat or cold, just kick off your shoes and quickly slip into the second-floor bath, your favorite, with a glass shower stall, which you just climb into and turn on the hot water pressure, standing there, enjoying the close solitude. your tired hands, clutching a tiny washcloth, slide over the cold skin, and for a second you imagine, what if Sunghoon touched you? would his touch have been just as warm, or would he have been rougher?

your thoughts get a little muddled, and you shake your head, pushing them away from you. you don't care about him. and his life is none of your business. let him fuck with his girlfriend and be soul mates with her. and you..

and you...

your eyes fill with self-pity once again, and you let two small tears fall to the tiled floor of the shower, but only two. no more, no less. you're not 15 to suffer because someone is living their own life, right?

another 5 minutes and you crawl out of the stall, quickly dry off with an old towel and wrap yourself in your dad's old robe. so cozy, it still smells like his cologne.

───────────────────────────────────────

the next three days are the same: you get up early, go to bed late, and draw a lot. the days of your present become the days of your childhood, so serene and gone forever.

sheets of paper are filled with sketches of flowers, people and trees, so frivolously and freely you draw that you yourself might be ashamed of it, but alas, you do what you want, you live as you want.

of course, periodically you check your phone, hoping to see a message from Soobin, asking where you are and if you're okay or not, but he's silent. and your heart is silent, too. does it beat?

you are sitting on the windowsill, the window is wide open, and the wind easily gets into even the most secret corners of your room. your hair is pulled up in a messy bun, your white shirt is still on top of your naked body, and your dark underwear doesn't escape the sly breeze, and you just smile as you enjoy the summer silence.

in your hands rest sheets of paper, drawn and scribbled. you look at the drawings with a satisfied look and straighten your shirt, lowering it a little lower so that it shows your cleavage.

vulgar? maybe, but you're home and you can go naked if you wanna.

who's going to look at you here in the middle of nowhere?

«hey, _____, why aren't you visiting me since you've already arrived? or have you forgotten how to say hello?» a painfully familiar voice shakes the air around you, and you take a deep breath before turning and lowering your head to the sound source. right from the ground on you, the same sunny, filled with youthful warmth, look eyes of the same Park Sunghoon, who you left by fate a few years ago.

he's wearing the same white shirt, and you can't help but feel the kinship you've been trying to hide from all these days. your friend, Park Sunghoon, it's under your windows again.

you can't help but smile, «and you still haven't learned not to copy my style?»

his grin widens, and you can hear him laughing as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his old, already battered pants. his shoulders lift up a little, and you can see the line of his slender collarbone. indeed, it would be such a pleasure to draw him again. he is as handsome as hell.

«when did you get here?» his question makes you laugh too, turning your eyes away to the sky.

«about four days ago. and you?»

«about a week.»

«that's great.»

he pauses, not taking his eyes off you, and you know it's not your friend's eyes anymore. it's the look of a once-familiar man. a strange look. you watch him for a moment, grinning like a fool.

an idiot. you are an idiot.

«i missed you.»

such simple words cause a storm of different emotions in you, and you do not know how to respond to it. on the other hand, it would be so nice to leave reality for a little while and feel special, but alas, reality is too hard to forget about it.

«and i missed you,» you say, pouting the way he usually does. and he notices it, copying you. you smile as you take out a cigarette and pinch it between dry lips. Sunghoon frowns.

«do you smoke?»

«yep.»

«for how long?»

it's a stupid question, but who cares? your heart speeds up involuntarily, and you nod, smiling guiltily at him.

«two years.»

«quit it,» he replies dryly. what is it, care? it's amazing to feel someone's care again. it's strange though.

«i don't want to.»

«why do you always need clouds around you?» it looks like he hasn't forgotten his verse. he hasn't forgotten that conversation or anything else. did he remember all this, too?

you raise your eyebrows a little and then blow out a puff of smoke. out of the corner of your eye, you can see him fidgeting around, so you smile as you look down at him again.

«i don't have any suns left, Sunghoon,» you smile guiltily again and shrug, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, «but i'm glad you have one.»

that blonde girl.

he watches you climb out of the window for a few more seconds, then waves back when you close the window and shake your hand awkwardly against the glass, barely holding back the tears.

you'd secretly like Sunghoon to give up anything for you, hug you and comfort you, take you somewhere far away and hide you from all the worldly things, like in stupid love shows, but life doesn't turn out the way you want it to. you should leave as early as possible.

tears roll down your cheeks once again.

───────────────────────────────────────

after another 2 days, you run into Sunghoon outside, and now that both of you are standing on the ground, you can see how much he has grown up and what a huge difference in height you have now. his broad, strong shoulders, his tall frame, probably strong hips.. you get lost for a moment, looking him up and down, while his girlfriend squeezes the sleeve of his shirt a little irritably. you smile inwardly, noticing it.

«we should go now, it was nice meeting you, _____," she says softly, pulling Sunghoon away to the side, and you nod, smiling at her just thinking that he was looking at you with the same appraising gaze that you were looking at him.

───────────────────────────────────────

3 more days later, you finally get a message from soobin, and honestly, you're happy to get it:

_____.

there's been a lot of coldness between us lately, and i don't want to suffer in this relationship any more, just like you do. they have outlived. sorry about that, i'm really sorry. i'll pick up my stuff in a few days, but you've sort ofleft, so i'll be gone by the time you arrive. thank you for all your kisses and for all the happy times we spent together. i'm really sorry. and i'm sad about it as much as you are.

i wish you happiness,

soobin.

reading these words, you can't help but think that your heart can't forget Soobin and throw him out as a bad sketch. the way he breaks up with you breaks your heart, and you squeeze the phone in your hand until it hurts, taking another puff. tears mix with nicotine, and the pain in your heart - with their own fragments. painfully.

pushing the strands of hair back and leaning your buttocks on the old well, you bite your lips and turn off the phone, putting it in your front pocket so you don't have to think about anything else. not Soobin, nor about your miserable fate.

what a fool you are.

the tears flow down in an unruly stream, and you can't stop them. the lonely field before your eyes, as lonely as you are, is blooming, and you are truly envious of it. will you ever blossom?

the cigarette smolders slowly in your hand, burning your fingertips, and you don't notice how you turn the filter over in your hands and press it hard against your wrist. the pain instantly snaps you back to reality, but you don't move the cigarette away from your skin, watching the scar forminv. that's how selfharm starts, right?

«what the hell are you doing?!» a familiar voice calls out to you from the side. you're not in a hurry to turn around, because to see Sunghoon is like dying right now. don't, please, let him go.

his broad figure coming towards you is comparable to a huge tsunami wave that pounces on the ground like a hungry beast on its prey and devours it completely. and so Sunghoon looms over you, glaring at the results of your little «mischief» before snatching the cigarette out of your hand and smashing it out completely on the rocky base of the well. he's angry.

«why are you hurting yourself?» the tears fall even harder from your eyes, but you don't let yourself look at him, no. so broken, destroyed, pathetic you can't afford to look at such happy, successful, achieved at least something in life sunghoon. no, no, no, he has nothing else to do with you. you just need to forget about each other.

«_____?»

the way he says every letter of your name breaks you even more. you recall moments from your childhood: your walks; how you spent hours playing the console in your home; your night trips to the field.. all this seems like a dream or an unfulfilled desire left for later, but not the reality that you have lived for more than 10 years. these memories are so blurry, can you draw them again?

finally, you gather your courage and look up at him, your eyes wet and puffed from crying too many times. he looks into your eyes with a familiar, warm gaze and pouts again, cupping your cheeks with his big palms.

you don't resist, inhaling the scent of his cologne and something fresh, and just tilt your head a little so you can nuzzle your nose into his wrist, close your eyes, and let a few more tears fall down to his sneakers. he doesn't say anything.

«i'm sorry you see me..» the lump in your throat prevents you from speaking properly, you try to swallow it, but it stays in place, so you say the end of the sentence on the exhale, barely audible, «like this..»

if only you could hear his heart breaking just from apologizing to him. what are you apologizing for? why are you crying? a lot of questions flash through his mind, but a loud clap of thunder interrupts his thoughts and all the questions that follow.

not expecting to hear something so loud, you flinch hard and abruptly lift your head from sunghoon's hands, to look at the sky. it's almost black because of the clouds. like the day you saw Sunghoon and.. damn.

your tears mix with the massive raindrops falling on your faces. thunderstorms do not take long to arrive, and in just a few moments, ordinary rain becomes a downpour. your clothes quickly get wet, and you quickly get up from your seat, looking at how your shirt sticks to you. sunghoon's one almost blends into his skin, leaving no room for imagination. you can't help but notice how beautiful his muscles have become. you should draw him again.

«you're going to get sick, we need to get home soon,» you say shortly, biting your lip in time to the thunder, «my house is closer, let's go to my place, we need to dry you out.»

he listens to your commands in silence and only nods when you take him by the hand, as in childhood, and lead him along, at a fast pace for you and usual for him. at such moments, you feel that nothing has changed, sunghoon is still so obedient. this is good for you, you don't need to convince or persuade him again.

with every step you take, the rain gets harder and harder, and you start to feel like you're walking down the street naked. the shirt is plastered to your every muscle, and you're wearing nothing but it. as good as that Sunghoon walks behind you.

damn, his fingers are so warm.

it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter when you turn the key in the lock and open the door wide, nodding your head in its direction. sunghoon understands you without further ado and goes inside first. you join in and listen, but the house is completely silent. no one's home. you are alone.

in the past, the thought like that would have stirred you up, but now you look up meekly and Sunghoon looks at you the same way. for a second, you think he's looking down at your chest, which is visible so clearly right now, but you're just imagining it.

he lazily takes off his soaked sneakers and saunters over to the familiar bathroom. you follow him, crossing your arms over your breasts to cover yourself.

«take a shower or bask in the water, you can hang your things up here and let them dry,» you say quietly, pointing to the radiator, and he just nods, not turning to look at you. with a quick flick of his hand, he opens the faucet and starts adjusting the pressure, as if you're the one who came to visit him, not him.

«i'll go look for some clothes for you..» you're just about to leave for the second floor when all of a sudden sunghoon turns to you, starting to undo the top buttons of his shirt.

«is he here too?»

you stare into his eyes in disbelief, and you can almost feel how heavy his gaze is right now.

«who?»

«your boyfriend. is he here too?» on the word "boyfriend" sunghoon squirms unconsciously, and you bite your lip at the memory of him. Soobin. your nose is sobbing treacherously, but you just shake your head, forcing out a short «no». he visibly relaxes.

«your dad should have some kind of robe, i think it'll do,» the guest suggests, and you nod.

«okay, i'll get it.»

what a stupid dialogue it is. you feel a little guilty about being soft, but now is not the time to let your guard down. your feet carry you to your parents' bedroom, where you quickly find the robe you were talking about to sunghoon and that you've been using all these days. it looks like it's going to be a little too big for him, but that's not a problem, is it?

you smile for the first time this day, clutching the soft cloth in your hands. you look at the dark brown patterns and, without even looking, find the bathroom you left your guest in.

«Sunghoon, i found it..» your exclamation is not meant to be finished, alas. when you step into the dim bathroom, the first thing you see is a nearly naked childhood friend. your eyes quickly, without hesitation, run along his muscles, along his arms, chest, stomach, go around the waist down to the hem of his underwear. does he have a boner?

the distinctive bump is clearly visible under the wet cloth, and you'd be glad to look at it a little longer, but you still lower your head down and hand him the robe, which he takes with some care.

«_____, go warm up too, you're all wet.»

his voice sounds kind of funny, and you look up at him again. you're not embarrassed, but your heart beats a little faster when you see his smile. and it looks like you can't help but smile back.

«yes, when you're done, go upstairs..»

«to your room, yes, i remember,» he nods, smiling even wider at you, and you nod back, moving out of the bathroom and closing the door behind you. as you go upstairs, your thoughts are floating somewhere in another universe, but not here, not in our mortal world.

for the first time in a long time, you feel a sickly-sweet tingling sensation in your stomach and chest, and it's not because of crying at all. it's something different, something you haven't experienced in what feels like forever or more.

this.. attraction?

you can't get your own thoughts out of your head as you scurry back to your room to get an old bathrobe, they're still there, but you need to get rid of them somehow.

but how?

you don't find an answer as you close the door of your favorite bathroom on the second floor. reflection in the mirror is not happy: your hair is soaking wet and clung to your head, you look tired and your eyes a a little puffy from crying. yeah, you're like a dream, for sure.

this is annoying.

everything is annoying.

your fingers start nervously fiddling with the unfortunate buttons in an attempt to unbutton your shirt, and it takes you a while, but you still win this mini-battle. the wet cloth falls to the cold floor with a characteristic squelch, and you look in the mirror again.

your nipples harden.

you can't believe what you're seeing, and you don't let your eyes go down, clutching your aroused buds between your fingers. a pleasant sensation passes through the stomach, and for the first time in a long time, a pleasant, lingering spasm is felt in the perineum. your eyelids close of their own accord, and you squeeze your fingers together again, trying to feel it again. another wave passes through your tense muscles, and you feel something leaking out of you, something warm and sticky.

with convulsive, trembling hands, you unbutton your jeans and kick them to the floor, tossing them aside. your fingers don't dare take off your underwear for a while, but you have to check, so you just close your eyes, pick up the edge of the underwear with your fingers, and pull it down. yes, the feeling didn't deceive you.

when you open your eyes, a huge slick spot appears in front of you absolutely and without any doubt, adorning the thin fabric. you still don't believe it and lean down a little to take in the awkwardness of the situation, but you're even more embarrassed when you see your already red, aroused clit glisten with accumulated smudge that threatens to fall to the floor in a sticky drop. damn.

after a moment's thought, you quickly throw off your underwear and socks and quickly climb into the stall, leaning against the cold wall and not daring to turn on the water. on the one hand, it is necessary to quickly remove these shameful traces of attraction to someone else's boyfriend, but on the other.. your palm quickly turns on the faucet and you adjust the temperature on a whim before sitting down on the still cold floor of the stall and spreading your legs.

it's been a long time since you spreaden them.

just that one movement gets your mind in the right place, and you don't hesitate to put your hand down to where you need it most right now. your fingers slide gently between your layers, and you exhale noisily, not knowing when you got so wet.

you start circling your clit with your fingers and brushing it here and there, your body tightens in a pleasant spasm. your entrance squeezes the void, and you look down in frustration at your other hand, or rather, at the fingers, middle and ring ones.

they won't be enough, you know that, but there are no other options, so you quickly bring them to your mouth and cover them with plenty of saliva before lowering them down and slowly entering them inside of your pulsating pussy. let it be a small stretch, but it does its job, and you start to slowly move them in and out, trying to somehow rid yourself of at least this burden.

what if Sunghoon..

at any other time, you would have dismissed the idea right away, but now that your pussy is squeezing your slender fingers so tightly inside that you can barely move them, his help doesn't seem like such a crazy idea. just the thought of his long fingers pressing down on all your sensitive points, of his cock stretching you perfectly, of his lips covering your breasts with a million sweet kisses and hickeys, drives you crazy, and you pick up the pace.

your fingers slide better and faster, and you smile to yourself as you press down on your clit as hard as you need to. a few more manipulations and you come right on your hand, but does that stop you? no.

the desire seems endless, so you continue to rub the already sensitive clitoris with your palm, without taking your fingers out of yourself. just a little more, just a little more, and you come for the second time, and your body goes limp.

you throw your head back and bring your legs together, slightly shaking from the recent stimulation. it feels so good.

leaning against the wall, you get up and lower your hand down again, circling your clit with one finger. it throbs pleasantly and responds to every slightest touch. too bad you left all your dildos at home.

with a frustrated sigh, you finally start washing up. shower gel, a washcloth and hot water relax you a little, washing away all the remnants of pleasure from your body. soon you're done. in the mirror, you reflect even if a little more calm, but still you. how embarrassing.

you frown a little, realizing that you're so fucked up, but it doesn't matter. sunghoon will never know about this, and you will try to push this memory far away, never thinking about it again. masturbate while thinking about sex with Sunghoon, «it's a taboo, _____, accept it.»

a few more preparations and you're ready to get dressed. underwear and bathrobe. not the best combination, but it will be awkward if only Sunghoon will be almost naked. it's worth supporting a friend.

in fact, maybe somewhere deep down, you hope that your most delusional and tender scenario will come true, but it will be as it will be. you pull the robe tighter around you to hide your still aroused nipples. damn.

as soon as the bathroom door opens, you immediately feel a chill pass through your body and your nipples tighten even more. the fabric that wraps them tightly begins to act differently, exciting them with just a harmless rub.

you bite your lips, feeling your underwear get wet once again. awkward. you're like a schoolgirl.

the sound of the downpour doesn't stop, and you decide to go to the window, brushing your wet hair back so it doesn't fall over your face. there's a bit of fresh air and ozone coming out from under the window frame, and you smile to yourself as you rest on the windowsill.

the storm has played out in earnest and formed an unbreakable wall of water that seems to separate your home from all the others, turning it into your own world, in which there is no one but you and sunghoon. You wish this rain would last forever..

you sigh sadly, but before you can think any further, a large, warm hand wraps around your shoulders and rests on one of them, stroking the fabric of your robe with its thumb. Sunghoon. Park Sunghoon.

«don't stand near the window right after your bath, you'll get sick,» he mutters softly, easily turning you around and guiding you toward your room, along the hallway. you don't resist, just cross your arms over your chest, trying to mentally calm your sensitive chest.

«do you want some tea?» you ask, looking up at Sunghoon, and he shrugs, licking his lips.

«actually, i've warmed up enough, i'm even hot.»

you nod and tilt your head down, frowning slightly. thoughts like «can you warm me up too?» or «hmm, i'm cold, cac we have a naked cuddle?» flash through your head, but you quickly dismiss them when you're done. sunghoon puts you down to walk around the room he hasn't been in for so long. his eyes are so bright when he sees all the old posters, figurines, stones and other nonsense that you collected as children.

it's hard to see anything in the dark, so you turn on the light. it's a little dim, just like when you were a kid, but you've always liked the dimness, so you don't mind. your hand slowly closes the door, like you used to do before, but for some reason now all these gestures seem somehow too adult, somehow wrong.

you sigh as he walks around, looking around, and go to the window to draw the curtains. you have to spread your arms in different directions to reach the edges of the curtains, and this causes the robe to open up a little. panic spreads through your body, and you freeze for a split second before pulling the curtains together as quickly as possible. your hands are reaching for the edges of the robe in a hurry, but some of them do it before you do. you can feel with your whole body how much you're excited. Sunghoon is warm as his fingers expertly and quickly tie the belt of your robe. your heart seems to skip a beat again when sunghoon rests his nose against your ear, rubbing the tip of it just a little, not letting you out of his embrace.

«_____, it's been so long since i've been here, nothing has changed at all.»

you can't help but smile at his comment, realizing that you're not the only one who feels pleasantly nostalgic about being in this place again, after all this time.

«yes, it's exactly the same as before.»

Sunghoon awkwardly pulls you closer and you panic. the knot in your stomach slowly gets tighter and tighter, the fabric of your underwear sticks uncomfortably to the wet folds, and your chest fills with a pleasant thrill. it seems like you're finally just accepting the fact that Sunghoon isn't your friend anymore, and he never will be. you no longer see him as a neighbor's boy, you see an adult, a man you need so much. and this is painful, because the reality is completely different, and someone else has taken your place in it.

your place.. was it ever yours?

«just like that, down to the last detail,» he repeats after you. his lips, moving as he speaks, quickly brush against your cartilage, and you get goosebumps from head to toe, relaxing and tensing at the sametime. does he feel how crazy you are?

«Sunghoon, listen..» you try to start, but he cuts you off, not allowing you to formulate what makes your chest ache so unpleasantly.

«_____, wait..» he stops you to wrap both arms around your waist and pull you even closer, so that at the slightest swaying of your hips, you can feel it..

«Sunghoon, you..»

«i'm sorry, _____, but this is really unbearable. i know you're probably disgusted by this, but i can't help it,» he murmurs in your ear, squinting slightly as his hips rock into yours once more and you can feel his robe-covered erection rubbing against your thigh. he's excited. you're excited.

is it possible to..?

«are you talking about your boner? it's okay, it's a natural reaction,» your words comfort him a little, and so when he slowly turns you around to face him, you don't see any blind passion or crazed excitement in his eyes, just something familiar and warm.

«tell me, did you know about my feelings?»

«your feelings?»

«yeah, did you know about them?»

taken aback, you shake your head slightly, tilting it to the side as he speaks. sunghoon lightly squeezes the fabric of your clothes between his fingers, creating a risky situation where that flimsy robe might open up.

«no, i didn't know. i still don't know.»

his eyes, which are glued to you, are slightly blurred, and he bats his fluffy lashes, licking his lips as your hands rest on his forearms, gently massaging them with your fingers, «Sunghoon, is there something you want to tell me?»

he swallows loudly, looking down before mumbling, «you know, these past few years have been full of different things, i graduated from university, got a job, got back on my feet, but..»

«but?»

«but i never stopped remembering the time when we were kids, and when i could see you every day, in this very room.»

hell, that sounds like a confession. what should you do? be silent or speak? smile or make a serious face?

«did you miss our childhood?» your tone sounds gentler than you'd like, but you're too focused on it to think about anything else. your hands squeeze him a little tighter as he continues.

«i missed not only our childhood, i missed my adolescence and youth, because that's when i realized..»

«realized what?»

he is deliberately slow, not knowing how to start, but you can already predict the answer, and you don't even need to think again. your hands slide down his arms to his chest, and for the first time, you feel someone's heart beating as hard as if you were holding it in your hand.

your eyes meet again, and as much as you want to look away, you can't. sunghoon can't do it either. his fingers tighten around the fabric of your robe, and you begin to feel your body slowly being exposed.

«_____, i've been in love with you for so long. of course, at first i thought that all those sweaty palms and perpetual boners just looking at you were just a youthful thing, but just a week ago, when i saw you drawing on the window, i felt so happy and sad at the same time. you were so beautiful, so grown up, so close and distant at the same time, that i didn't have the slightest doubt that it was all serious from the very beginning.»

Sunghoon says his confession in one breath, and you just stare at him blankly, not understanding how it happened. he.. does he love you? you mean, does he really love you, like those stupid boys in the books?

you get lost in the storm of your own feelings. it would seem that your dream has come true, and your most desired plot has come true, but why don't you believe it? why can't you be happy about it?

«do you love me?»

a nod from the guy across from you doesn't calm you down, and you close your eyes to take a deep breath. sunghoon thinks you're angry, so he rushes to continue his explanation, afraid to leave out something important.

«when i found out that you started dating that jerk, my heart broke and i was determined to forget you, but when i saw you back then, i....»

«Sunghoon, you already have a beloved one.»

your words cut through his heart like a knife, and it starts to bleed, to bleed out all the love that he has so carefully kept all this time.

«why are you thinking about her now?»

his question seems so silly that you just tilt your head up to the ceiling and inhale again before looking into his eyes, raising both palms to cup his face and gently stroke his cheekbones with your thumbs, «because you're hurting her right now.»

your answer makes him frown, and he puts his hands on top of yours to push you away from his face, but your grip is too strong and his is too passive, so after the first failed attempt, he gives up, waiting to see what you'll say next.

«Sunghoon, you're such a wonderful guy, and i'd be lying if i said i don't care about you at all. well, just half an hour ago, i was touching myself in the tub, thinking about you,» the details make his cheeks and ears turn red, and he licks his lips, biting them right after, «but i also know it's wrong to mock her like that. i'm sorry, i don't remember her name, and i don't care.»

an awkward silence falls between you. sunghoon tries to put every word you say into his head, «you've always been so considerate of everyone, i like that about you, but..» he tilts his head to the side and reaches for your face. your hands should have stopped him, but you just let him get closer and stop a few inches from his face, «it's so infuriating right now.»

your tongue moves nervously across your upper palate, making a clicking sound, «i don't want to be the cause of someone's tears.»

«_____, i fuck her with my eyes closed, imagining you in her place. do you think she doesn't know that? you were the cause of her tears from the very beginning. and it's only my fault that i was so foolishly hoping to replace you with someone else, i'm ashamed and i'll apologize to her later, but now,» you can feel his slow breath on your lips, «i want to make love to the girl i've been dreaming about for so many years. will you let me cross this border, _____?»

you've never been good at making decisions, and now that you have to do one of the most important things in your life, your mind is failing you. you don't know what to feel or what's right, you don't know what you should do, but you're sure of what you'd like to do. morality and immorality dance together, but what exactly do you prefer? fall or rise?

you can't help but smile as you look up at him again. Sunghoon looks so fine, so you're being absolutely sure, say «yes» in the affirmative.

his eyebrows twitch a little, and his gaze falls on your lips, so desirable and close. he gets lost, not knowing how to do it, and so he looks into your eyes again, looking for the answer, «can i really?»

you nod. he repeats after you, but still doesn't find the confidence to do what he's about to do, so you grab the collar of his robe and pull him to you, letting him get into a deep, tender kiss. even though you haven't been to france, you are very familiar with french kissing, unlike sunghoon. he awkwardly follows your tongue, twisting around it and trying to catch the moment to suck it slowly, but you're much faster. the tip of your tongue quickly passes over the top row of his teeth and, stopping there, curls around his tongue.

his whole body feels like it's on fire. you can tell by the way his hands are hot as he takes off your robe and then slides it down your stomach, not knowing where to put it. if you hadn't seen that scene in the car, you might have said he was definitely a virgin.

when his hands finally make up their minds to touch your breasts, you mumble a little through the kiss, but you don't ruin it in any way. instead, you gently take his hands in yours and show him how to do it. he learns quickly, and it's not long before you feel yourself getting wet again.

«yeah, that's right, baby, go ahead,» you encourage. his face flushes even deeper when you let out a soft moan as his big palms graze your sensitive bump so well.

«suck them,» Sunghoon looks up at you, slightly surprised, and his fingers tighten a little on the flesh of your breasts, making you bite your lip in impatience. has he forgotten how to do everything?

the affectionate nickname seems to have some sort of effect on him, and he freezes, not knowing how to react. did you scare him?" you raise an eyebrow, not sure if you've said the wrong thing. why does he hesitate?

«i've never done anything like this...» he replies sheepishly, as if mesmerizing your breasts with his bewildered gaze. should he lick them, or bite, or suck them? what is the algorithm?

«but you're not a virgin, have you never touched your girlfriend's titties?.»

«ex-girlfriend's.»

«..okay, ex-girlfriend's titties this way?»

not knowing how to answer this question, he lowers his head and simply shakes it from side to side. his cheeks are puffing up again and,wow, this is the moment when you just have to take matters into your own hands.

«okay, then i'll teach you what i like, and you'll just be an obedient boy and do whatever i say, okay?»

your words echo through his head, leaving behind so many questions and so few answers. will you teach him?"

«an obedient boy?» Sunghoon is so quiet and restless, you'll have a long night ahead of you, you're sure of that. your next affirmative nod doesn't calm him down, and he almost bites his lip until it bleeds when you start to run your fingers slowly, gently down his cheeks and neck, leaving little trails of goosebumps on his skin.

«my dear sunghoon's a little confused, right?»

Sunghoon doesn't know how to react. the blush is slowly spreading to his neck and shoulders, and he's breathing a little harder than usual. over the past few years, few people had called him dear, much less tried to baby him. all these new petnames like «baby» or «my boy» seem so foreign, but so.. desirable? Sunghoon can't explain why his cock twitches so pleasantly every time you call him your baby.

this is all some kind of trick, no doubt.

«are you happy, honey?»

here we go again. sunghoon feels a translucent droplet form on his tip and slowly trickle down the shaft. he's in a kind of sweet anticipation that makes his head feel hazy, and he just nods, looking at you from under his barely-closed eyes. it may be difficult to do this, but he admits to himself how much he likes your every word and every movement.

a soft, hoarse «yes» wraps around your wounded, tortured heart like a balm, and you seem to be slowly recovering. Sunghoon is like a kind doctor, and you are his prodigal patient who took several years to find her way home.

«we need to lie down,» your fingers massage the base of his neck and tangle with the short hair at the nape of his neck. just that one touch makes Sunghoon shiver pleasantly as he nods, turning you both towards the bed. you walk backwards, never taking your eyes off him, and you smile, mentally thanking yourself that you didn't go back that day after all.

Sunghoon seems to feel the same way, leaning in for another kiss as his hands gently lower you to the bed, and he hovers over you as if you were his prey.

silly boy.

your playful smile through the kiss encourages him, and he tries to deepen it himself, albeit clumsily. warm hands on his shoulders relax his tense muscles, and he finds the strength to never let go of you again, not for a minute, not for a second, and never again.

«it's not fair that you still have your underwear on,» he mumbles, and you grin, giving one last chaste kiss to his lips.

«undress me then,» your wish is his command. he quickly settles down next to your knees and then, looking at you, slowly slides his hands up your calves to them, trying to impress you with his tenderness. his touch feels deliberate, and so you just relax, giving him as much willpower as he needs.

and he's happy about it. he is glad that his hands can rest so freely on your knees and spread your legs wide. he's happy to see the big, sticky stain on your underwear, knowing he's the reason of it. he's happy to see a few glistening threads running from your folds to your underwear as he undresses you. and, of course, he is happy when he notices how slowly, but quickly, more and more wetness flows out of you.

«you're so wet, _____,» he says in amazement as a small, clear drop leaves the confines of your core and drips down your skin onto the sheets. at the very thought of what this drop could be delicious, Sunghoon's head gets more cloudy.

«yes, and it's all because of you, Hoonie,» you agree, spreading your legs even wider so that he can enjoy the results of his work to his heart's content. naturally, you've never done this before, and you're feeling a little self-conscious, but sunghoon won't know about this. let him think it's no big deal for you.

before you can get an answer, he's already leaning closer to your crotch, intending to eat you out completely, but you bring your legs together just in time so that his nose is directly on your knees. Sunghoon frowns in displeasure.

«____ , what is it? spread them now,» Sunghoon tries to be bossy, but you both know perfectly well that you've always been the leader between the two of you, which means you're in charge. when you sit up, you just shake your head and smile.

«have you forgotten that you have to be obedient?»

«but i am a ma..» he mumbles, but your hand covers his lips just in time before he can utter such an absurdity.

«your dick doesn't decide who's in charge, Sunghoon,» he narrows his eyes a little, licking his lips so that he can run his tongue over your fingers, «get this crap out of your head and let's learn how to please me.»

he has no choice but to nod, and you take your hand away. his saliva is still warm between your fingers, and you defiantly lick it off, making your little brat blush.

«now take off your robe and lie down on the pillows, baby.»

the amount of embarrassment Sunghoon experienced is indescribable. he has never expected you to be like this. he felt like he was going to hover over you, you were going to spread your legs, and you were going to do exactly the same thing as.. the realization hits him hard when he finally leans back against the pillows and watches you push his robe aside and get up to lock the door.

your hips, swaying slightly from side to side, look very different from what the so called «yours» looked like. you have a different waist, different breasts,different shoulders, everything is different, and therefore sex should also be different.

he bites his lip a little, wondering what will happen next.

his eyes follow yours you quickly turn the latch and turn to face him, smiling the same way you used to when you were a kid. except that you used to close the door to make some harmless craft or bird feeder, and now you're both naked and ready, as a religious Sunghoon's aunt would say, give yourself up to all your sins. how embarrassing.

the closer you get to him, the more tense he gets.

«you have a very nice cock, Sunghoon, i can't wait to get on it,» you mumble sweetly, sliding your fingertip from the base to the tip, tracing a circle around it. his cock twitches as if in response, and Sunghoon sighs through his teeth, averting his eyes.

«but first, let's learn the basics,» you draw even closer, and then again, your chest slowly sways with each movement sunghoon really finds it hard not to stare at you like you're an exhibit in a lab. damn, damn, damn.

Sunghoon circles your hips out of the corner of his eye, noticing the enticing glint of your inner thighs, and soon feels it all over himself as you sit on his stomach and put both hands on his ribs, still smiling.

he doesn't look away from you.

«so, baby, look, i like it when you raise your palms like this,» you cover his hands with yours, slightly crossing your fingers, and begin to lift them up, under the chest, without lifting them from the skin. Sunghoon exhales loudly and bites his lips a little when he feels your breasts cover the back of his hands. it feels so good.

«they're so soft,» he says modestly, and you nod, moving your hands to his sides, «now you need to lift my chest up a little and then cover it with your hands. your hands are big, they should fit.»

and you're right. Sunghoon repeats your command exactly in practice, and your loud exhalation echoes through the room. his hands seem to be perfect for this kind of touch, grazing your nipples so well. he's a fast learner.

«good boy, Sunghoon,» you don't skimp on your praise, so he's happy to repeat the movement he just learned. your back arches slightly to meet his, and he grins again, knowing he's doing the right thing.

«now leave one hand in the same position, and let go of the other and squeeze with your fingers so that the nipple remains uncovered.»

your explanation seems a bit confusing, and sunghoon does everything at random, but right again. you can't help but stroke his skin with your fingers as a reward.

«yes, great. now i'm going to lean in to you like this,» you take your hands away from him and move them to the head of the bed. your back bends more, and in order to lean as close as possible, you spread your legs even wider. Sunghoon can feel your wetness leaving stains on his stomach, and you almost moan when your clit accidentally rubs against his skin. biting your lips hard won't let you flatter him like that.

«and you'll suck it.»

Sunghoon lifts his head up to you, and you smile, leaning down to kiss his forehead. he smiles contentedly, and you kiss his lips, quickly, but gently enough to make him smile.sunghoon softened up, massaging your chest more actively with both hands.

«like a baby?"

«yeah, like a baby.»

«it only needs to be sucked?» now it's Sunghoons turn to make you blush.

«you can do whatever you want, but only gently, they're sensitive.»

Sunghoon needs to stare at his target for a few more seconds before he pulls you even closer and finally starts sucking on you. your body goes limp almost immediately as his hot tongue and saliva wash over you like a wave. a small moan escapes your lips.

«damn, baby, go on,» you whisper, gripping the wooden crossbar until your knuckles ache, until Sunghoon slowly, very gently caresses you. his lips are soft on the sensitive bud, and the even row of teeth barely touches it, but it's enough to make you wet even more. Sunghoon feels like a sticky puddle has already formed on his stomach, and it only inspires him to squeeze the fingers of his other hand, feeling your thighs tighten and shake.

«do you like it? am i doing well?» your lover asks you quietly, confidently, between words, kissing his path to your second breast, not forgetting the movements that you taught him.

«y-yes, go on,» you barely whimper when he wraps his lips around the still-uncaressed bump again and immediately presses it down with his teeth harder than he did with the previous one. finally, you moan out loud, and that deep, clear sound, mixed with the patter of rain, carries you through dimensions. Sunghoon is somewhere far away. he doesn't know or remember who he is or where he is, he's only interested in you.

«damn, baby..» you squint hard when he bites you again, and this time you think you're going crazy. the knot in your stomach is tied so tightly that you're about to explode, so you'll have to stop, even if reluctantly.

one of your hands is slowly placed on his hair, and you smooth it down, signaling. sunghoon immediately reacts, opening his mouth slightly to release your nipple from his mouth. a thin thread of saliva forms between it and his lips, which soon thinns out and falls on your stomach, pleasantly cooling your skin.

your fingers gently brush through his strands.

«that was wonderful, baby, thank you,» as a reward, you lean in and give him another kiss, which quickly turns into a fiery and passionate battle between two tongues. sunghoon wraps both of his arms around your waist and lowers your hips down along your stomach, drawing out a series of exhausted moans that sound like whimpers. the clitoris pulsates pleasantly at the slightest touch of everything, and Sunghoon is happy to give you so much pleasure with just one hug.

«Hoonie, you're a fast learner,» your hand gently strokes his cheek, and you inhale his scent greedily, trying to catch your breath as he takes in the small lights in your eyes, licking his lips to taste your saliva again.

«i want you to feel good,» he whispers, hugging you like a child hugging a new toy for christmas.

you stroke his head again and again, kissing the top of his head and then his forehead, completely forgetting how much you're aroused. you need to do everything slowly.

«do you have any condoms with you?»

the question makes him tense up a little, and you can feel his muscles clench spasmodically. he shakes his head, giving out a small «fuck». wow, your little one can swear, how cute.

«don't worry,» your voice takes his mind off the worry, but he's still tense, «we can do this raw.»

his eyes widen a little. what? will he be able to feel your warmth on his skin, without any barriers? Sunghoon almost breaks into a satisfied smile, but his heart skips a beat when he realizes that this will definitely put your health in danger.

«but is that okay?»

you frown a little. he's right, he's absolutely right, but you can't do it without him today, and you're right about that. damn.

«yes.»

«we can just help each other and finish,» Sunghoon suggested, pouting in his favorite way. his genuine concern for you and your beautiful body is touching, but you just stroke his cheek and shake your head, smiling.

«honey, if i don't cum on your cock tonight, i'm going to die. and i don't intend to do it just once, so get ready to fill me up with your cum as many times as you can.»

Sunghoon's lips unconsciously makes a funny face when he leans over to give your collarbone a peck.

«_ _ _ _ , use me, i'll do whatever you want, i promise, i'll give you everything, every last drop of my cum.»

you nod contentedly.

───────────────────────────────────────

you think if it hadn't been for a terrible rainstorm outside, the whole neighborhood would know how good you are feeling this day. it's already been at least an hour since Sunghoon came inside you for the first time, and to say it was magical is an understatement.

his cum is thick and white, so pleasantly enveloping your walls every time his cock slides inside again, his hands squeeze your hips so hard when you once again lift up to abruptly fall on him, again and again touching almost all the sensitive spots inside of you.

your cheeks are slightly itchy from the salty paths left by happy tears, but you are unlikely to stop now.

«_____, i'm gonna cum..» Sunghoon grits quietly through his teeth as his hands once again lift you up to bring you down sharply while you rest your hands on his shoulders, trying to move in time.

«fuck, no, not now..» you whine, squeezing his shoulders harder, and he pulls his hands away from you so you can lift your hips on your own and release his throbbing cock from you. as soon as he comes out, a few large drops of the previous load immediately fall down on him, and you break into a satisfied, relaxed smile, feeling something coming out of your needy pussy profusely.

«how much longer can you last?» sunghoon shrugs, putting both of his hands behind his head so you can take full control of him. such an obedient boy.

«once or twice, no more,» his answer seems to please you, but it also seems to upset you. of course, there's no denying that the two previous times he filled you up were magical, but you wouldn't mind spending the whole night like this, feeling him fill you up over and over again. oh, what a pity you can't keep his cum inside you forever.

«okay, baby, then let's do this,» your fingers lightly massage the muscles of his collarbone as you gather your thoughts, «now i'll do it all by myself and you'll fill me up like this, and then we'll switch places, and i'll let you fill me up the way you want.»

Sunghoon nods approvingly.

«and then when we rest, you do it again, i want to feel your cum all the time,» he thinks you're crazy, and you are. such a long period of abstinence, a beloved boy nearby and an atmospheric room turn you into a sex-hungry monster, and you can't resist it. you want sunghoo here and now, and until everything down there hurts right away.

Sunghoon gently strokes your hips, which are trembling with impatience and fatigue, «_____, you're already so red in there, doesn't it hurt?»

you don't think twice. you feel a constant throb, humidity and, unfortunately, emptiness. you want more. you want sunghoon.

«it's okay, love,» you exhale, sliding your hand down to his cock. the hand finds the tip unmistakably, so you gently, carefully pass the tip with your thumb right along the delicate bridle, Sunghoon immediately responds with a guttural groan.

«please, _____..»

you're almost on the edge yourself, so at the first sound that falls from his lips, you put his tip to the leaking with his cum entrance and, without thinking twice, lower your hips down. the entire length of him is instantly inside you, and your walls immediately squeeze so hard that the guy underneath you can barely restrain himself from cumming right away, just seconds later. you mumble contentedly, barely moving to feel each of his wreaths again.

«damn, Hoonie, i love you,» you whisper for the first time tonight, looking down at him. your eyes widen slightly as he raises his eyebrows and looks back at you, not saying a word as tears form at the corners of his beautiful brown eyes. you rush to lean in to kiss them away, but his cock turns so nicely inside of you that you almost moan in his face.

he's so close, your sweet hoonie, whom you've already lost and only found today. he's right here under you, crying like a little baby, and you just brush his tears away with your thumbs, smiling.

«silly, why are you crying?» his eyes narrow a little as he smiles at your question, and more tears rush to fall on the pillowcases of your pillows. he's so cute. your lips slowly cover his face with small butterfly kisses.

«i'm sorry, i'm just happy that it's mutual.»

his voice may be shaky, but it sounds so happy that you kiss him again and again, over and over, until he wraps his arms around your neck, not wanting to let you go even a millimeter. another hot kiss inflames you, and you instinctively begin to lift your lower body up and down, in a moderate but steady rhythm. he moans loudly against your lips, pressing even closer to you as if you're his last chance, but it's actually the opposite.

this is the sweet guy who saved you after months of self-tormenting and crying, the guy who caused you to change everything, now in your hands, and he will never leave them again. with each new thrust, the pace increases. let this be your last round, you two couldn't care less.

«i'm cuming soon,» he catches your whisper with his lips as you pull away from him to brush the unruly strands of hair out of your face.

«m-me too..»

«let's do it together.»

Sunghoon gives a small nod, and after just a few more thrusts, you clench once again and feel the warmth filling you from the inside out. soft, viscous and so desirable liquid rolls down the walls, envelops them like a blanket. you drop your whole body against his chest, and he immediately hugs you, closing his eyes.

you can't find the strength to move, you don't want to feel empty again, and so you just lie there, eyes closed, in each other's arms. with your sensitive walls, you can feel his cock slowly going limp, and even Sunghoon almost turns into a puddle with each new breath. you've exhausted him, obviously.

the sound of rain has a positive effect on you, calming you down after such a passionate coitus. propping your head in your hands, you study his relaxed face, counting moles and freckles, smiling like a fool.

«Hoonie,» your boy hums weakly, listening carefully to whatever you're about to say, «i wish we'd done this sooner.»

he frowns a little, opening his eyes lazily, and now you're looking at each other, just like you did when you were kids: he pouts a little, and you smile, tilting your head to the side.

«earlier?»

«when we were teenagers.»

«my god, _____, what are you thinking about?» Sunghoon waves you off with a big smile on his face, «this is gross.»

«gross? we haven't changed much. you just got bigger,» you laugh, lifting yourself up on your hands to pull his cock out of you and sit on his stomach, feeling a nice warmth. his cum is leaking out of you again, forming a puddle, but it doesn't matter, nothing else matters.

«it's leaking out,» he says, and you nod sadly, looking at the small white puddle right in front of your pussy.

«yes, i'm so sorry, but it's okay, you can fill me up every day.»

«do you like creampies?»

“i love your creampies,» the obvious emphasis on the word «your» makes him smile contentedly, «uhh, i wish you were my first, it would be so cool to see your white, sticky, precious cum leaking out of my tight virgin pussy..»

«shut up, for god's sake!» your boy bursts out laughing, and you parrot him.

the thunderclaps subside.

the downpour almostly stops.

the sun appears no cloud can ruin it now.

never.

───────────────────────────────────────

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