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frostbite-the-bat · 10 months

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OK, I'm on mobile so it May Be Goofy BUT - here's the story of how I got banned from advertising and selling commissions on a furry server. Full edition because (beffica voice) DRAMAAAAA.

This WILL be long. I have adhd, it's 4 am, and I overexplain. you should know me by now, however. have fun reading!

vvvv under the cut

Also, warning - when a piece of this happened, it left me very upset, but nowadays I just kind of laugh at it and go "wow what an asshole that other guy." so don't worry about me (aside from the fact I have trust issues with commissions now)

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Okay so, years ago on discord, around 2018 when I first got the name Guzma (that's where it stuck), I joined a furry server. I wasn't doing well mentally and wanted like minded people to talk to, so I joined a furry server

I befriended people there rather quickly, as I was active all day for hours in the pokecord channel. I even got past like 2k messages there which was a requirement for a level up thing and I did it in ONE day.

I became buddies with the staff and the owner. like many people she jokingly adopted me as a kid into the goofy server family tree and I considered us all friends there. (many of these people I know to this day, we just don't chat often)

However.... She turned out to be not so great. Throwing the n slur around like it's candy alongside other questionable things I cannot remember too clearly. The server was in hot waters, and despite it's popularity, it vanished one day and I was invited into a side server for people the server owner liked. It was.... Horrible. Slurs everywhere and inappropriate images (not sexual I believe tho, just bad shit.) were shared. Most of us were minors at the time, but there were some young adults, too, I think. Still doesn't excuse the shitty place it was. I was madly uncomfortable and I left.

Also before I move on, run fact! In this server and my friends were in a quackity video - I think I saw him join but didn't react and thought of just some generic raider we're gonna get rid off... I kinda always sniffed out the new joins who were raiders well. But yeah, he joined the vc, said "wanna do the owo and the furry" and then got banned. My friend who shows up next and the server owner were in this call. After the video dropped we began getting more raids, and negativity towards the furry Fandom in general got a bit more aggressive with teenage kids with war pfps joining the server to call us furfags and to die. So yeah! Fuck quackity for underestimating his impressionable fan base and for doing joke raids in general. not my only beef or drama regarding him, but I'm not sharing that.

Eventually I got contacted by one of my still good friends who I met there, about joining another furry server - where the actual story takes place! But, I believe, backstory with these people is necessary. And we did want drama, didn't we?

A lot of people from the old server moved here, so I adjusted quickly. Most of them were ex staff, and so they became staff here eventually too. I chatted there daily and constantly, and I'm still considered a trusted highlighted member there even if I haven't spoken there in over a year. (well, I stopped speaking there like around 2021 in general... Only joining for small chats and sharing my art only. A year ago I stopped entirely.)

But like yeah, I was a respected member there and people knew me there. I was basically friends with all of the staff. I was like the only og person who didn't join staff there.

And, as always, I became friends with the owner and we had our own little adopted family tree again. things were good! It was fun.

Until I did some commissions for Minecraft skins (2019ish going into 2020 at the BAD part of the story I believe), and a friend of the server owner contacted me. I did his commission (HAD TO WORK WITH A CRUSTY SHADED PAINGING JOEG AS MY REF BTW. BAD.) and delivered him his skin! He'd ask a lot for updates, but... I didn't mind it.

I got paid in discord nitro, as I was and still am unable to be paid in real money. Especially back then as a minor.

That went smoothly! He then commissioned me again, this time for a full piece. It was to be of his fursona and the server owners fursona, full-body - got an drawing as a pose reference to use. I forgot my work process here, but it was slower. Back then I tried a more realistic style before I grasped anatomy as well as I do now - without much stylization. Especially back then in furry spaces this sold better than heavily stylized cartoon styles... I yet had to accept this type of style even if I wanted. So... I wasn't having fun with it.

I'd get asked a lot for updates, again, but I did get the drawing done! Both loved the piece and at this point it was clear they trusted me for commissions. I mean I was recommended to the commissioner guy, who I'll call Ourple at this point(his sona was mainly purple colored) BY THE SERVER OWNER, who was my friend.

until, I get a commission again... And it's of the two characters again! I forgot the secofics, but it was meant to be tropical themed. I... Struggled with this one deeply. I didn't have fun with it and I struggled with school and my grades and my pretty severe bullying.

on top of that my undiagnosed adhd, and this was before I learned about any mental health or disability positivity. I knew I had adhd but I didn't know what it did yet. In my eyes and to everyone else, I was just lazy - even if it was painful for me to just.. Want to do something and my mind and body not cooperating. Its HORRIBLE.

And, issue is, I already got paid, and claimed my 6 months of nitro as payment... I couldn't give a refund. You see where this is going.

So, he gave me approximately 6 months to work on it, saying to take my time though, and that he'll check on the progress. I said that's fine... And I began initial sketches the day of. I didn't like them much and I struggled a lot. I dropped it a bit and just did things in my own life... With this kind of in the back of my mind.

Sometimes he'd ask me for updates and I'd deliver. And then about 2 months in, he noticed I was posting doodles and shit posts that took me just.. Super quick to like 5 minutes. Tho this memory is fuzzy and I max mistake it for another dms call out incident from him. He annoyed a Lot.

he finally snapped and went into my dms, asking me how DARE I draw other things when he commissioned me.

His "uwu hii hugs how's da commission doin? OwO?" talk was gone and he suddenly began speaking very formally and scarily, and well. It scared me. I forgot what exactly I said but I did mention hey I'm a kid and I'm stressed??

But he didn't speak to me he said something and bitched out, using the server owner as someone to speak for him. the server owner knew how stressed Ourple made me and how bad this kinda was - seeing I couldn't refund and I simply wasn't doing the commission.

OH I FORGOT TO MENTION. IM NOT GOIGN BACK. HE CONTACTED MODS ABOUT THIS FIRST INSTEAD OF GOING INTO MY DMS. I JUST REMEMBERED THAT. THE OWNER DMS CAME FIRST. my memory is a bit bad when it comes to unpleasant situations, apologies.

so he got THE STAFF INVOLVED WHO WERE NOW SOLVING THE SITUATION WITHOUT ME EVEN INVOLVED. the person IT WAS ABOUT.

AND I even explained to purple hey I have adhd and I'm like a kid you're an adult you should've known better commissioning a fucking child (15 at the time?? Idk... Years and numbers may be incorrect in the story.)

But he was still angry and refused to speak to me. And I was too scared to speak back. I cried and cried and I was so worried.

At this state I could not do the commission especially as my mental state was just... Bad in general at the time mostly due to school.

And then... A saint old friend from the previous server... A total sweetheart of the sweethearts, who was also dating someone who I called uncle who was genuinely the bed test ever who I had MANY pleasant commissions with - came in and offered help and that the staff discussed things.

they would finish the commission for me and I take some time off to focus on myself and get better. and this was someone with basically professional level art. Fancy fun very well rendered art, could so stylized and cool as hell realistic too. And I couldn't thank them enough for the offer and their kindness.

Eventually... Time passes... And I get over all this. I continue my school life and my art life as I did. I began posting more art and at this point I think it was 2021 and I was into bugsnax so this is my early new Tumblr era I believe. he noticed I've been drawing again - and demanded I finish the commission.

Turns out he also denied my friends help to get a free commission from an arguably better artist, because he was so bitter over me. He basically saw that I was better and wanted the commission done. I think this was told to me through server owner, too.

So... I did finish the drawing. More quickly put together because I couldn't care less, I wanted to be done with it. He got his stupid commission and we were done.

But... Then... As I was switching up art styles (this could've been before it, too, remembering the styles I used... But I think it was After.) I decided to open quick headshot commissions, for steam stuff and nitro! it was fun as the ppl who commissioned me were my good friends from the server. It was advertised on the server, too, in the advertising chat where artists can advertise their commissions for all to see.

And then I was contacted by a different mod, or server owner I can't recall ... And my commission advert on the server was removed. I've been informed that I'm BANNED from posting ANY AD on the server, as it was something that was discussed between the mods when Ourple went whining to them instead of asking me about the commission. I was NOT INFORMED ABOUT THIS. so I was like?? What load of BULLSHIT??

And WELL.. TIME WENT ON... SERVER OWNER GOT INTO DRAMA... RACIST SHIT AGAIN... I GOT SCREENSHOT OF THINGS AS THEY WERE DELETED I CAN PROBABLY SPILL SHIT ON THIS GUY IF I WANTED...! one day a small argument in general broke out basically and Boy, Were Messages Being Deleted. But... I stopped being active because of some Of My Biggest Life Trauma Ever when I broke up with my ex friend. It scarred me horribly I won't elaborate however.

So I was inactive... And the server got a new owner (also a friend of mines, we still chill we just don't talk. Tho someone else may own it now idk) and I eventually asked mod friend if I can advertise there again since CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP and I was told yea ur fine lol.

So yeah. That's how i got banned from advertising on a furry server

In retrospect, it shows to be more knowledgeable when doing commissions, and to have a way of refunding someone. But also, thay the commissioner, an adult in the situation, should've been more responsible as he knew he is commissioning a minor who Most Knew Is Unwell.

He should've handled it with more nuance instead of harassing me and scaring me at first (Literally pulled up the doodle I did and went What is this? You do this while daring not to work on your PAID WORK? YOU DARE HAVE FUN??) and then refusing to speak to me and get help and free shit from others - and used someone else to speak for him. Big props for the other mod friend for being so nice to me and willing to take matters into their own hands, prioritizing my mental health first.

I've learned a lesson from this, of course, but wow I didn't need to get through all that. delightful!

#Guzma story time #<- if I do more of these this is the tag

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frodispatch · 2 years

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STANLEY URIS, and why he’s neurodivergent.

From the perspective of an autistic\OCD person who’s favorite book is the doorstop which is IT, and who’s favorite movie is the wonderful 1990 IT miniseries.

Stanley Uris is one of my favorite characters. He’s always just spoken to me. As someone who’s always been very practical/logical, even before I knew I was autistic Stan stood out as someone like me. We share a love of birds, bell bottom jeans, powerful memory that can even hold up to Derry-induced amnesia, and have a similar "weird" sense of humor.

. Book Stan

Focusing on him as a kid since that’s when we see the most of him (poor babylove), he is shown to be the "skeptic" of the group and he desperately tries to rationalize the existence of Pennywise using logic. This fear of change/disruption to order resonates with me deeply. He loves birds a lot, (can be seen as a special interest), and so did I at that age so of course I loved him right away. (I used to carry a little green book about birds in New England from the 40s around everywhere when I was 10 and would list off facts about parakeets to any unsuspecting human who happened to come into my presence). He is shown to have an odd sense of humor, or at least different from the other losers, with his joke "kookie kookie, lend me your bones". He is heavily implied to have OCD, which makes him neurodivergent anyway, but I hold that he’s autistic, since OCD and autism can often go hand in hand, and he’s a comfort character of mine who is basically me so if I’m autistic, so is he. This isn’t primarily neurodivergence-related, but I believe he stayed back a year in school due to health problems as a kid and as someone who had a lot of those (when I was seven in particular. Asthma. Eddie Kaspbrak got to me too, I think Stephen King fucks with me on purpose.), it’s another reason I resonate with him so much. As an adult he seems to get a lot of "action" and we all know autistic people are the sexiest people alive so that’s reason enough to believe he’s got a touch of the ‘tism.

. 2017/2019 Stan

This is the Stan I'd say is most heavily OCD, with his need to get things right, to maintain order, and an obsession with cleanliness, pushing aside his fear to straighten that scary painting and being very precise while cleaning blood off of Bev's bathroom window. He calms himself down by pressing his fingers to his temple, in what I see as a sort of self-soothing stim. He wears clean & practical outfits, which give way to something softer and looser as an adult, which is nice to see, as it shows that some of the pressure on him has loosened. Unfortunately, it’s sad too since he was the one who was arguably the most comfortable in his adult life out of the losers, but a certain call from an old friend brought everything back too soon. In the 2017 film, he keeps a lot of the traits of book Stan, though I’d say he’s a bit less childlike and more "stiff" or “prudish” than in the book, showing this Stan to lean more heavily into the boy who had to be an adult too fast. This Stan's attempt to rationalize Pennywise's appearances is still shown to be Stan trying to keep his world order in check. Pennywise is a manifestation of fear after all, and even Stan's attempt at disbelief gives It power.

. Miniseries Stan

I don’t really care for the adult Stanley in the miniseries, and, as it is with all of the adult Stans, he’s not there for very long, so I am specifically focusing on kid-Stan since he is the best and I love his little bowtie. This Stan is the stereotyped "smart" kid, with his eloquent ways of speech and use of big words, giving expository descriptions to the other Losers like when explaining to Bev about Richie's "metabolism" *cough cough ADHD*. He, like in the 2017 film, wears formal and "adult" clothing, having him present as a man stuck in a kid's body. (Like, boy wears suspenders and a bowtie to school, I love him) This Stan is still the skeptic, and I will not be redundant and talk again about his rationalization of everyone's favorite child-eating space clown to keep his world in order. This Stan also comes with some things I see as stims! I included a picture of him fiddling with his ear when he’s under stress and he also repeats the Boy Scouts mantra-thing in the sewers, which is definitely a vocal stim to help himself calm down.

Thank you for reading this if you read this far! If you agree or disagree with this take, feel free to share your thoughts. I’d love to talk about more of my autistic (or other neurodivergent, or even queer) comfort characters. There’s a lot of other Stephen king ones I could look at, like from The Body (which is my favorite Stephen King piece and inspired the movie Stand By Me, just for reference because some people don’t know that) or Danny Torrance (or even Wendy!) from The Shining, specifically the Stanley Kubrick film. I could also look at Star Trek, with Data (my favorite!) Odo, Bashir, Spock of course, and so many more lol. I could also get into Sherlock being autistic (obviously), but to avoid bringing up middle school trauma, I will not, at least for the time being. (I could write about it if I talk about Data though because he loves Sherlock Holmes and so do I)

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themagnuswriters · 4 years

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Asexuality in Fic Roundtable - What We Like

How do I write a convincing asexual character in a fic? Is there a way to address a character’s sexuality outside the context of sex or coming out? Can a story feature a character's asexuality aside from exploring the negative aspects of the asexual experience? It’s usually not too hard to find lists of what not to do when writing asexual characters, but much more difficult to find the opposite.

The asexual members of The Magnus Writers discord gathered to discuss their favorite ways to incorporate the day-to-day details of asexual peoples’ experiences into fiction. We also discussed depictions that we’ve enjoyed in the past, or would love to see more of. Note that this isn’t an Asexuality 101 resource, so if you don’t feel familiar with the basics, feel free to check out the resources we will link in the reblog of this post.

This conversation included a variety of ace-spectrum people from multiple countries, including both arospec and non-aro people, various genders, and varying relationships to sex and sexual content. Just like all asexual people are different, the things that we enjoy reading are far from universal. Some tropes/details brought up as favorites can vary widely--for example, “innuendo completely flies over their head” vs. “they understand but are completely unfazed by innuendo.” Additionally, some aces love tropes that others would prefer to avoid: for instance some enjoy discussions of physical boundaries to be included in the fic, and some prefer that to be established as happening in the past.

The examples brought up in our discussion are also far from comprehensive, and can be seen as the beginning of an endless list of possible ways to write asexual characters. Some examples given are specific to the Magnus Archives, but can apply to any writing. Take these as inspiration and a way to broaden your understanding of who we are and what we like to see!

ASEXUALITY IN YOUR SETTING

When writing a story including asexual characters, one of your first considerations may be for how asexuality is contextualized within your setting: Is it fully normalized and accepted? Does it reflect real-world stigmas? How is asexuality treated by the narrative and the other characters? Contributors showed interest in a variety of approaches on this front, with no single approach being worth more than other:

Fics including negative real-world experiences

These would include fics in a realistic setting, where characters may struggle with internalized acephobia, stigma, social pressure, microaggressions, dysphoria, and so on. This isn’t limited to just “issue fic,” where the focus of the fic is about examining and confronting a struggle, but rather encompasses anything that includes this consideration in its worldbuilding and characterization. While brighter settings can be refreshing, contributors described reasons why this kind of fic appeals to them:

Feeling seen: Reading about ace characters whose experiences reflect their own

Feeling validated: Being exposed to only stories where there are no issues on this front can feel like we’re the only one facing these struggles. It can be extremely cathartic to read something and think “I thought I was the only person who went through this.”

Exploring improvement/hope: From ace characters learning to accept themselves or other characters making mistakes and accepting correction, these can be validating and encouraging.

On top of ace readers finding worth in these fics, the act of writing the fic can also be very cathartic for many ace authors.

There is a lot of variety for how these fics can be written, such as:

Stories that focus on the negative experience

Stories where that experience is just part of the setting or characterization

The character(s) getting external support and validation

The character facing mixed dismissiveness, acceptance, prejudice, etc. from different people

The story resolving in a way where the situation is resolved: for instance, cutting off an acephobic relationship, or someone apologizing for a microaggression.

Stories where well-meaning characters are accidentally insensitive about asexuality, but learn better and change their behavior

The character confronting or overcoming an internal struggle

Stories where the issues aren’t fully resolved by the end, such as an insecurity not fully going away.

Negative asexual experiences don’t have to be the focus of a fic to be acknowledged. While “issue fics” that closely examine and explore these experiences are valuable, contributors also described enjoying stories that included them as simply an element of the worldbuilding or characterization. For instance, a story may reference Jon having bad past relationship experiences; facing assumptions that he’s having sex if he’s in a relationship; having moments of insecurities about his sexuality; etc.

Please note that writing negative ace experiences needs to be handled sensitively; fics of this type should definitely be tagged appropriately. For brief references, consider including author’s note warnings on the appropriate chapter (e.g. “asexual character assumed to be having sex”). Having an asexual sensitivity reader--particularly one of a type that corresponds with what you’re writing (i.e. sex-neutral, gray-ace, sex-repulsed, etc)--is very much encouraged.

Fics where asexuality is normalized

In contrast, there is just as much interest in stories that avoid all of these issues, and fully normalize asexuality. Contributors described how they enjoy stories where ace characters are allowed to just exist, without big important conversations or small othering details that depict asexual identities as less than fully accepted.

These can be included in any type of fic, but a few of the suggested details for how to normalize asexuality in a setting include:

A character being already out and accepted: For instance, Martin already knowing about Jon’s asexuality from early seasons.

Characters in the fic already knowing what asexuality is without needing it explained to them

Having more than one character be asexual: We aren’t confined to writing only canon characters as ace! This not only goes the extra mile in normalizing asexuality, but it gives the chance to include more of the ace spectrum.

If you’re aiming for asexuality to be normalized, please consider whether it makes sense for your asexual character to be anxious about coming out or discussing boundaries. There is a world of difference between someone responding to an ace character coming out with “I fully support you” and responding with “you’re an idiot for thinking we wouldn’t support you.” This is a common and easy pitfall to fall into, but the result is often less escapism and more a message of “your struggles aren’t real, and you’re stupid for thinking they are.”

Asexuality in Metaphor

Some contributors mentioned wanting to read settings where asexuality itself is normalized, but the issues facing aces could be explored on a metaphorical level. This falls somewhere in between the ideas of realistic or idealized settings as regards the ace experience, and could allow that exploration with a layer of distance. Ideas relating to this included fantasy settings with different kinds of magic.

PERSONALITY AND CHARACTERIZATION

The experience of being asexual isn’t something just limited to a relationship with sex: it can be shown in many ways, such as how a character relates to themselves, other people, media, and society. Like any other queer identity, it affects many aspects of our lives and informs a great deal about us as people. These little details don’t even need to be presented in a blunt “this is because this character is asexual” way--they can be little relatable notes for your ace readers, while not coming across in a “this is how all ace people are” way.

We’ve seen the question “how do I write a character as asexual, if I’m not planning on having someone ask them for sex or writing a coming-out scene?” many times. Our contributors were excited to share a wide variety of ideas for this from things they’ve read, written, or experienced:

Ace confusion

Not to be confused with the infantilizing “doesn’t know what sex is” approach, this could involve things like:

Being confused over what sexual attraction is: difficulty defining what they don’t experience.

Difficulty describing to others what lack of sexual attraction is: this is their default, and it can be difficult to contrast it to what they don’t experience.

Thinking that others describing sexual attraction or interest is just exaggeration

“Wait, that’s what you mean when you say ‘hot’? I just thought it meant they’re gorgeous.”

“You mean meeting someone and being instantly sexually interested in them is a real thing, and not just a movie trope?”

The Absurdity of How Society Views Sex

The jarring dissonance between asexual experiences and the norms in society and media can cause a lot of alienation and dysphoria in aces, but often it hits a point of feeling like a joke is being played on you. Contributors offered ideas for how this could be illustrated through a character:

Reading “How to Spice Up Your Love Life” articles out of pure morbid curiosity

Taking the most ridiculous Cosmo sex life article as How Everyone Thinks (and being concerned)

Having an allo friend or partner they can ask about whether any of it is legitimate advice (this one was brought up by a lot of people as a common ace experience)

An ADHD/autistic character getting a special interest or hyperfixation on societal views on sex or sexual practices, and pursuing it as purely a matter of research with no interest in participating

“Why do they keep bringing up ice cubes? Georgie, stop laughing, I am a researcher and a scholar.”

Needing to teleport out of the room if a sex scene comes up in a movie

Not minding the sex scenes, but needing to make fun of them or point out impracticalities

“On the beach? But sand is everywhere? Wait, they think getting sand everywhere is hot??”

Being baffled at what’s considered sexy: for example, Jon being baffled at “wet clothes are sexy,” having grown up by the beach and associating them with being terribly uncomfortable

Of course, asexual characters don’t need to be framed like they constantly need to learn about things from allo people--sometimes the reverse can be a fun twist. One reversal, for example, could be an ace person helping their allo friend parse whether their attraction to someone is simply sexual or also romantic.

Aces vs. flirting

While not specifically connected to sexual attraction, how a character interacts with flirting can very much demonstrate the asexual experience. Contributors discussed a variety of their own experiences, and details they’ve enjoyed reading for ace characters:

Having difficulty distinguishing between different kinds of draws to people--is it romance? Friendship?

Having difficulty picking up on whether or not someone is interested in them

Failing to realize they’re flirting or being flirted with

Enjoying flirting as just a fun thing to do without any particular goal (a popular suggestion for a Tim ace headcanon)

Casually flirting but then backing off if it becomes “real”

Several examples were given of scenarios these could be used for Jon:

Jon’s dry prickliness stemming from wanting to avoid people thinking he’s flirting or showing interest in them, not being sure where others judge the line between “flirting” or “being nice.”

Jon deciding he is going to make an effort to be more friendly to people, and awkwardly starts showering others with compliments; some of them interpret it as flirting and it’s very confusing.

Jon (or Martin) being overly dramatic or romantic when purposefully showing interest in someone, drawing from a basis of books or media rather than social experience.

Aces vs. hotness

We might use the word “hot” excessively, but ace people often have their own understanding of the word (and are often surprised to learn what others mean by it). Contributors brought up the following ideas for this area:

Using “hot” as an expression of “gorgeous to look at,” and being confused to learn that others use it as a sexual expression.

Engaging with “are they hot” conversations based purely on aesthetics, or other impressions like “would they give good hugs.”

Focusing on seemingly random physical details, like wrists or eyebrow shape, over more commonly sexualized ones.

Being confused over the criteria others use for hotness. Example: Jon’s reaction to “the hot one” comment.

Finding fictional characters not represented by a real person “hot” (e.g. from books, podcasts, video games with bad graphics, etc)

Using the words “hot” and sexy” for completely nonsexual things. Several contributors described being told they couldn’t be ace if they called anything hot/sexy, and then doing it more out of spite.

Being completely unfazed by innuendo or sex/nudity: For example, Jon’s calm response vs. Martin being flustered at Tim stripping

This is also an area where a story can establish the nature of their relationship with those around them: if a character is comfortably out as not being interested in sex, for instance, you can show that others around them support that by making their conversations more inclusive. For example, a “fuck, marry, kill” game with modified categories, or a “who would you have sex with” conversation changed to a “who would you have dinner with” one once the ace character enters.

Aces vs. sexual humor

Ace people’s reactions to sexual humor can vary as much as the reactions to flirting. Contributors described enjoying a broad range of these:

Aces who love sexual humor (not limited to sex-favorable aces)

Humor taking an angle of “sex is so strange, glad it isn’t real.”

Aces who are bored with or exhausted by sexual humor

Not finding sexual humor funny unless it’s also clever. “Yes I know that’s a sexual reference...wait, it was meant to be funny? Because it’s connected to sex? ....I see. Anyway.”

Bonus points if the “is that supposed to be funny because it’s sexual?” ace and the filthy humor ace are friends

It can even vary for the same person from setting to setting: someone may find making dirty jokes with a group of ace friends might be fun (see the “Absurdity of Sex” section above), but be very uncomfortable with someone else trying to twist something they said into something sexual. There’s also the nature of the joke itself: a silly pun may be fine, but a joke implying the ace person is interested in sex or said something sexual without meaning to may be alienating.

For TMA, the general interpretation of Jon is that he’d be uncomfortable with sexual humor, which is relatable to a lot of asexual people, but contributors brought up other possibilities as well: for example, the idea of Jon liking clever wordplay so much that if it just so happens to include something sexual, it doesn’t feel odd to him--why do the others look so shocked?

Note: A lot of asexual awareness posts insensitively treat the concept of aces who love filthy humor as more mature, more easygoing, less stereotypical, or otherwise superior to aces who are uncomfortable with sexual humor. This is a very harmful attitude that looks down on a lot of asexual people, and adds a pressure to push past comfort levels to fit in and “avoid being a stereotype.” Contributors loved reading stories that include flirty or filthy aces, but not when they take this tone. A favorite suggestion was to include more than one ace character to depict a variety, while treating them as equally valid.

Somewhat related to this is ace people’s relationship to sexual euphemisms. Contributors described their experiences or how they might write an ace character responding to these:

Being exhausted by how so many terms are considered euphemisms, or how any comment could be reframed as sexual.

Having a special annoyance when they accidentally stumble into or misunderstand a euphemism

Wanting to decouple euphemisms from their literal meaning: why does “spending the night” or “going home with someone” have to mean “having sex”?

In the same line, being very blunt and straightforward about making sexual references, because why dance around it?

Characterization Considerations

One discussion that is particularly relevant to The Magnus Archives is the idea of the “uptight nerd” ace persona. It may sound strange to say, but there is some legitimacy in this characterization, but for different reasons than is stereotyped. Many of us build up this persona while growing up--particularly in adolescence and early adulthood--to fend off uncomfortable social pressure, self-examination, or external criticism for why we relate to sex differently than our peers. This often involves playing up certain defenses for discomfort for sex or dating: “I don’t have time for any of that, I only have time for books and knowledge!” Or, the adult version: “I don’t have time for relationships, I’m married to my job!”

Where this departs from the stereotype is that these are generally coping mechanisms or facades rather than the truth. Asexuality isn’t “of course they don’t have time for sex, they’re obsessed with this or that”--but an asexual person who doesn’t feel comfortable in their environment, such as around work, school, or family, may deflect judgment with similar excuses. Similar to this, some find it tempting to be antisocial or hostile on purpose to fend off interest in them or avoid sexual expectations.

This is, of course, far from the only way an ace character could be written. For instance, if you wanted to write a setting where asexuality is more accepted, you could write Jon’s antisocial and closed-off tendencies as a result of being bullied from a very young age, while he is confident and secure in his asexuality. Or for other characters: you could write Tim as someone who has enjoyed sexual relationships, but just thought everyone was exaggerating on the attraction side of things.

Intersection of Asexuality with Other Identities

Another characterization consideration is how asexuality intersects with other identities and experiences included in the fic. Below are a few examples of many:

Asexuality and masculinity: Social expectations of masculinity place a high emphasis on sexuality, particularly heterosexuality, treating sexual activity as a commodity or prize. One possible reading of The Magnus Archives is Jon’s tendency to have closer and more numerous friendships with women connects to this.

Asexuality and trans identities: There is a significant overlap between aspec and trans identities, particularly nonbinary identities. Based on an October 2020 study by the Trevor Project (see link in reblog), ace respondents were roughly 50% more likely to be trans (including nonbinary) than allo respondents. Contributors described how they’ve felt things like “is this dysphoria I’m feeling a gender thing or an asexuality thing,” or how figuring out their asexuality helped them explore their gender.

Asexuality and race: In combination with LGBTQ+ spaces often being white-dominated, people of color often face stereotypes that hypersexualize or desexualize them. This can have a strong impact on people of color’s experience and self-perception as asexual. For instance, if you are writing Jon as Indian, you could consider how this may have impacted his experiences in LGBTQ spaces in university. As there is no ‘one size fits all’ experience for aces of color, we strongly recommend researching for the particular background you have in mind. We will be adding resource links to our main page shortly, but in the meantime check out the links in the reblog of this post!

INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIPS

One of the topics addressed in our discussion was how a character’s asexuality may impact their experiences with intimacy and romantic relationships. Contributors discussed ways to portray this in fic, whether or not it includes sex or even mentions it.

Physical Intimacy

Intimacy, sensuality, and sex are separate things that may or may not overlap depending on the individual. Contributors discussed how, for people across the ace spectrum, the relationship between these three tends to differ from common societal frameworks or depictions of intimacy in fiction.

Enjoying physical intimacy without the expectation that it will become sexual: massages, falling asleep on top of each other, bathing together, etc.

This includes acts that would often be expected to “lead somewhere” but don’t, such as lots of touching or nude cuddling.

Craving closeness/touch completely outside of sexual drive

One scenario suggested for this topic is an asexual character discovering that without the worry that an act of intimacy will ‘lead somewhere,’ they enjoy something they used to get anxious about, such as sharing a bed or showering together.

Boundaries & Communication

Stories with an asexual character in a relationship often address physical boundaries within that relationship. The below are some of the scenarios contributors have enjoyed:

People communicating over their sexual boundaries, rather than assuming what these are as soon as they hear the word “asexual.”

The boundaries discussion being framed as something that any couple in a fictional relationship should have, not just because one is asexual.

In relationships between allo and ace characters, the allo character having boundaries of their own, rather than just the ace character.

Normalizing boundaries discussions for allo couples as well.

Note: If a boundaries discussion involves a sex-favorable ace character, take caution at the risk of having them sound offended or derisive that the discussion is happening (e.g. “What, I’m not a child” or “Not all aces are like that.”). Enforcing the idea that people should assume their partner is sex-interested is extremely harmful to sex-disinterested aces.

Some contributors noted that they prefer fics where the boundaries discussion is something that has taken place in the past, rather than run through at the beginning of each fic they read. In these cases, this past discussion could be illustrated in the interaction itself: a character’s awareness of what lines not to cross, the other’s confidence and trust that those boundaries will be respected, and so on.

Issues of Intimacy Outside of Sex

While aversion to sex is the most well-known dimension of asexuality, there are other aversions and boundaries that could apply to either ace or allo characters:

Ace characters that are kiss-averse and/or touch-averse: This also works against the “They won’t have sex, but they’ll make up for that with kissing even more!” trope that implies asexual people have to compensate for a nonsexual relationship.

Allo characters with their own aversions or specific boundaries: suggestions included how this can apply to trans characters.

Fluctuations in levels of aversion (note: it is important to not treat increased aversion as “progress” or decreased aversion as “regression”)

In cases of fluctuating aversion, characters developing ways to communicate these levels, and responding appropriately. For example, “Kissing is not on the table right now, let’s move on to something more comfortable.”

Contributors were excited to discuss how this area could particularly be used for the allo partner of an ace character, such as an allo Martin having difficulties with touch post-Lonely, or discovering that he doesn’t enjoy kissing.

Relationships to Sex (or Lack Thereof)

Asexuality ‘subtypes’ are terms many aces describe their personal relationship with sex and/or sexual content. These are simplified self-descriptors rather than rigid categories or mini-sexualities, and the terms rarely encompass the full detail of that relationship. Please note that the below discussion assumes a general familiarity with ace subtypes.

Needless to say, aces across the spectrum and of every subtype want to see their identities represented in fic. The discussion focused on ways to illustrate those experiences, and details contributors would enjoy seeing:

Non-averse aces trying sex and deciding they have no interest in it: pushing back against the “if you’re not repulsed you’ll like and want sex” idea.

No expectation that “sex-favorable” means always interested in sex.

The pressure an ace person may face to oversimplify their relationship to sex or sexual content out of fear they’ll appear inconsistent or exaggerating: “If I’m okay with this now, what if I’m not later? Will I seem picky if I’m only comfortable with something in an extremely specific scenario?”

“Sex repulsion” and “sex aversion” generally are used to describe asexual people who don’t want sex, but are simplified terms for what can be immensely varied experiences. Someone could be repulsed by physical involvement in sex, repulsed by personally engaging in anything sexual, repulsed by sexual content, repulsed by just the idea of sex--or any variation or combination of these. There are even repulsions that could be part of more sex-interested subtypes: an ace who enjoys sex but is repulsed by nudity, or an ace who enjoys sexual activities with a partner but not being touched during them, etc.

Contributors discussed how much they enjoy reading simple “I just don’t want sex” approaches to aversion/repulsion, but also look forward to reading explorations such as:

Enjoying one specific type of engagement with sexual content or activity, but having an aversion to others.

Regularly varying levels of repulsion: Days of “please don’t remind me sex exists” to days of mild curiosity, for instance.

Aces with a relationship to sex that doesn’t involve another person, including if they’re in a relationship.

Fluidity between ace subtypes can fluctuate between sex-interested and sex-disinterested in both directions: it can be both “I said I wasn’t interested in this before, but let’s carefully revisit” and “I know we’ve been doing this, but I’m no longer comfortable with it.” Contributors mentioned never having seen fic with the latter, and expressed an interest in reading stories exploring this.

On this note, it is common for stories of fluidity between subtypes to be only moving in a more sex-interested direction. Many asexual people, particularly sex-averse aces, face immense pressure to ‘learn how to like sex,’ or have their sexuality erased by saying they’re a ‘late bloomer’ who will learn to like it later. Depicting this direction should be done with great care and nuance, and we strongly recommend getting feedback from a sex-disinterested sensitivity reader for stories of this type. It’s possible that an ace reader who isn’t sex-disinterested would miss or not be affected by something that is quite painful to sex-disinterested aces.

CONCLUSION

If you’ve stuck with us for this long, well done! We understand that such a long resource can be a bit overwhelming, but we hope it can show you the depth of variety and enthusiasm ace readers have for more ace content and inspire you further. One thing we all had in common during our discussion was how excited we were to have a canonically asexual protagonist, and how thrilled we were to see content that explored his asexuality. In putting together this resource, we hope that you are encouraged to write about characters whose asexuality impacts their experiences and the story in unique, thoughtful, and creative ways. We can’t wait to see what you come up with!

#asexuality #asexuality in writing #ace week #the magnus archives #tma #writing resources #asexual characters #roundtables

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stagefoureddiediaz · 3 years

Note

I'm intrigued how buck would deal without eddie being there, because eddie is good claming buck down, in 4.01 eddie make a joke tsunami when buck was getting very focused on resouviour busting. Hes done it many times

Hey Nonnie

That’s what makes it all so interesting because while that’s true, I’m not sure it’s the whole answer. If we take that scene - Buck is hyperfixating on finding out about another natural disaster thing - something that we know has become a thing that he does because Eddie tells us in 3x09 and Eddie is indulging him - the tsunami joke is so affectionately done and Bucks face in response makes it clear they share a deep bond. This bond means Eddie understands what Buck needs and it’s not exactly about calming him down as much as it’s about the support he (almost unconsciously) provides.

It’s one of the meany reasons why I feel like Buck has ADHD -(aside from the hyperfixation thing) because to me, Buck does something I do with my ADHD - work backwards rather than forwards to problem solve - so I see what the intended end point is and work backwards from there to where I am rather than the neurotypical way of doing things which is to start from where you are and move towards the end goal - it’s one of the things that makes buck such a good firefighter and I think it’s something Eddie implicitly knows about Buck in a way the rest of the firefam don’t and this allows Eddie to support in the right way. Buck being without Eddie means he’s going to be without that support so he’s going back to fighting the battles on his own, without someone who understands the how and why Buck does what he does in these situations - a la season 1 buck and Buck in 4x14 at the crane rescue - when Eddie wasn’t there. Whilst the rescues through s1 and the crane rescue in 4x14 were risky - they were calculated and actually well thought out plans. It reminds me of the observation car rescue scene in 3x18 - we see Bobby and Buck facing off about how to rescue Sam - Bobby only sees buck trying to save someone by putting himself in danger, and while we don’t see how we end up with Buck outside doing what he suggested (and winning the argument with Bobby) the major implication is that Eddie must have come in on Bucks side - because he knows how buck got to his idea and he ultimately trusts Buck - I think that whole scene is an unexplored little gem in the buddie dynamic and in showing just how well Eddie understands Buck and how their dynamic goes beyond Bobbys understanding. Sorry this got a bit more in-depth than I thought it would, it’s just something so very interesting to me because it’s such an important part of the buddie dynamic and I can’t wait to see how it gets explored now Eddie isn’t there with Buck in the same way.

#kym answers things #buck has adhd #911 on fox #911 speculation #911 spoilers #911 #911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911onfox #buck #eddie

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rjalker · 4 years

Text

I am autistic, aroace, I have ADHD, and I’m physically disabled, and I had to quit my job at Walmart because of Covid19 in October, and am currently searching for new employment, but my options are very limited, because I don’t have a car, and I can’t stand for very long without being in ridiculous amounts of pain, and my twin and I were born four months early (no I’m not joking), with among many other things, chronic lung disease, so if either of us get Covid, we’ll be in serious danger, and no where near us is actually, adequately protecting their employees.

I still have not received a penny from unemployment -.-

--URGENT--

Cash app: $Rjalker (as of 03/12/21 is at $0)

Gofundme: as of 03/20/21, it is at $184. We need $800 to pay rent for this month, and $25 to pay my phone bill.

(link to the old gofundme, which was for December)

Redbubble: here

Masterlist of my pride designs: here

Amazon wishlist is here

I also owe the stupid city $37 in taxes :|

Our oven still hasn’t been fixed because the fucking landlord decided to go on vacation. Any money you can donate so I can not only pay rent, but eat will be appreciated.

Thank you to everyone donating and sharing!

Thank you to anyone who has already donated, and thank you to anyone planning tp. If you are unable to donate, please don’t feel guilty. Only donate what you can spare.

This original post will be updated as I receive donations or if something changes, so please try to reblog the original by clicking on my URL when you reblog so that it is always the newest version.

I also plan on giving away a ton of free food and food plants and seeds and native plants in the spring, so if by some miracle I managed to get more money than I need for rent until I can get a job again, any extra money will either be going towards buying groceries, or going to buy supplies to give stuff away for free. I'm giving away free native flowers, free food plants, free food, anything that I can grow that other people can use, along with recipes and instructions on how to use the food that I give away, or the food that they will grow from the plants I'm giving away.

So aside from the obvious good thing about me being able to pay rent, it's also going towards a good cause in the greater scheme of things.

I had to quit because there were literally hundreds of maskless customers coming through the store everyday that refused to social distance, and neither the managers nor the company are willing to do anything to stop this, to protect their employees and other customers from infection.

Aside from not following Pennsylvania’s mask mandate, we also weren’t getting hazard pay, and haven’t since this whole pandemic began. We were doing three times the work while taking deadly risks, and not only were we not getting paid more, the customers were treating us even worse than they usually do.

To make things worse, racist customers were getting emboldened due to Trump’s encouragement, and two customers started shouting racial obscenities' at one of our cashiers so much that she started crying, and when I called management up (after yelling at the customers and telling them to shut their fucking mouths), instead of throwing the customers out of the store immediately and telling them never to come back, the manager decided to instead have a polite, civil conversation where they apologized for any inconvenience the cashier might have caused them, and sent them on their way with a smile.

It also does not help that I have undiagnosed Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which means I dislocate my joints very easily, and on top of having to stand on concrete for 8+ hours straight every day, I don’t have a car and can’t drive, because I’m autistic, so I have to ride my bicycle to work, which meant riding 3 miles there, and 3 miles back.

Ever since February, my legs have been dislocating at the slightest wrong movement, including, apparentely, standing. Which makes no fucking sense, but one of my legs is longer than the others, so that might have something to do with it. And aside from my leg dislocating and causing me so much pain that I had to leave early several times (and then bike home 3 miles), I’ve also recently realized that when my feet hurt at the end of the day after standing on concrete for 8 hours straight, it’s not just the normal “ow I’ve been standing on concrete for 8 hours straight”. It’s “the bones in my feet are literally dislocating”.

so.

yeah.

Any help is appreciated.

#donation post #cash app donations #gofundme donations #mutual aid #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #covid19 #expendable worker #corona virus #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #direct action #donations

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into-the-linkverse · 3 years

Text

Of rupees and Koroks

my first LU fanfiction! I am horrible at endings so...yeah. i definitely went off the rails from my original plan (ADHD my beloved) and I am SO SORRY in advance if any of the characters are OOC.

“Okay, and that would come to…200 rupees, Mr. Captain Hero Sir!” Ravio cheerfully stated, holding up the bottle of shimmering red potion for War to admire. The warrior actually scoffed upon hearing the intended price.

“Something wrong, War?” Legend asked, his back leaning against a rather large crate.

“No, no, it’s just…really cheap.” War pointed towards the potion. Both Legend and Ravio blinked blankly. Legend’s face soon turned into one of severe confusion, whereas Ravio’s eyes lit up with excitement.

“200 rupees? Cheap? Were you hit in the back of the head by a bulbin?!” Twilight almost shrieked from his side of the Barnhouse He stopped playing with the cows and quickly jogged over to Ravio’s makeshift shop.

“Back home, a red potion would cost around 10,000 rupees. Isn’t that the case here?” War stated eyebrow raised as Twilight began twitching at the mention of the rupee count. Ravio’s jaw practically dropped.

“My wallet can’t even hold that!”

“Hey, I heard screaming. Who’s dead?” The barn’s door creaked open to reveal Wind, accompanied by a sweating Sky and an unfazed Four.

“War said a red potion would cost 10,000 rupees in his world!” Legend blurted out, almost barking at the heroes. Four huffed for a second, then walked up to Ravio and snatched the red potion.

“Hey, 200 rupees, y’know!”

“This. Costs 20 rupees.” He pointed at the potion, as War soon broke down in a fit of laughter.

“What’s so funny, pretty boy?” Legend folded his arms.

“You guys must be broke! 20 rupees? That can’t buy you shit!” He managed to get out before banging his fist against the hay covered ground.

“Hey, watch your language!” Sky shouted, moving to cover Wind’s pointy ears. “There are children here.” He lowered his voice as Wind swatted his hands away.

“Okay, okay, I’m trying to run a business here. Let’s go…2,000 rupees, Mr. Captain Hero Sir!” Ravio clasped his hands together, only to realize the item he was selling was nowhere on the table.

“Um…Mr. Smithy? My red potion?”

“Oh, sure.” Four passed the glittering potion back to the purple-haired hero, acting as if he wouldn’t be committing a crime if he didn’t hand it back.

“Here you go, Mr. Captain Hero Sir! Please come again!” Ravio smiled gleefully, having 2,000 rupees handed to him like it was nothing.

“Pfft- I guess War really is a rich snob.” Twilight sniggered, shaking hands with Legend in a mutual agreement.

“Hey, you take that back, farmers!” War shouted, fiddling with his glove as if preparing for a fight.

“War, you realize you’re saying that on a ranch?” A voice called from outside. The door was already opened (Wind forgot to close it) so it was easy to tell that the voice belonged to Time.

“Oh, hey, pops, wanna help us take on pretty boy?” Twilight greeted happily, only making Warriors more enraged.

“No, I’m quite fine. But thank you for the offer anyway. Hyrule asked me to collect you all. He’s having trouble with something. And for Nayru’s sake, behave yourselves.” Time explained to the group, trying not to bring up the fact that he almost locked them in the barn to keep them out of trouble.

“What do you mean “something”? I thought nothing happens on this ranch!” Wind protested, running his hands through his hair, obviously trying to make himself more presentable.

“I have no clue what the deal is myself. Wild and Hyrule are already investigating.”

“Those two? They were better hosts than us?” Warriors looked almost horrified at the idea of being upstaged by Wild of all people.

“Do you want to be cooped up in here all day?” Time asked, almost laughing at War’s sudden reaction.

“Come on, let’s get moving now!” Warriors announced, starting to direct (push) the other heroes out of the barnhouse.

Hyrule was ecstatic. He’d been picking up stray rocks for weeks in hopes to find the small beings called Koroks. Wild had told him all about the strange little creatures that hid under rocks and in trees, and Hyrule soon became intent to find one. At last, at the gates of Lon Lon ranch, Hyrule mindlessly picked up a rock and proceeded to shout in happiness.

“Wild! Wild! I found one!” He cried, perking the ears of the long-haired Hylian. Wild rushed over, practically throwing the Cucco he was holding. He jogged over, only to stop a few feet away from the brown-haired hero.

Hyrule’s eyes were alight with glee, his smile looked like an innocent rabbit’s. He tossed the rock aside, unfortunately landing on Wild’s foot, as he winced. He placed the rock to the side and crouched down to the Korok’s level.

“Yahaha, you’ve found me!” The Korok excitedly squealed, Wild rolling his eyes as he heard the line for the 400thtime. Hyrule nodded in response, too glad to speak and ruin the moment. Before he knew it, Hyrule was handed a small, foul seed. He looked confused for a second and looked up to Wild.

“Yeah…not that impressive, is it?” He sighed, snatching the seed from Hyrule, and adding to his collection. Hyrule blinked as he saw Wild open to pouch to see a mountain of the horrid smelling things. “Gotta get these back to Hestu sometime.” He casually stated, closing his pocket again.

“Buh-bye!” The Korok exclaimed, waving his small, rounded hand towards the two Hylians. Hyrule was not having this. He had spent two weeks searching for the little creatures, and when he does, he’s just supposed to say good-bye after minutes of meeting one? He reached out his arms and took the Korok up to his torso in one swift movement.

“I shall name him Peppers and he shall be mine!” Hyrule proclaimed loudly, much to Wild’s shock. He tried to wrangle the Korok out of Hyrule’s embrace, but the Korok spoke up.

“Actually, I’d love to be Mr. Hero’s friend!” It chirped, sinking into Hyrule’s green tunic. “Aw, see? He likes me!” Hyrule cuddled the Korok, adding a whiny tone to his words. Wild groaned, as he almost felt like Time, having to take care of someone like this.

“You’ll have to ask Time if we can keep it.” He sighed, poking the pointy nose of the leaf faced spirit. As if from nowhere, armored footsteps approached the two Hylians. “Keep what?” The firm voice spoke, making Wild jump for a moment.

“The Korok…?” Hyrule trailed off, still clutching the forest spirit. As the chain came into sight, some stood dumbstruck, whereas Wind’s eyes widened drastically. “Korok!?” The pirate pointed; mouth open wide as he bolted to Hyrule. “What in Din’s name is a Korok?” War groaned; his breath slightly hilted from jogging across the ranch.

“I’m not sure myself…but it definitely looks cute!” Time let slip a small remark of childish nature, a warm smile creeping up on his face. Legend soon ran up to his descendant and grabbed the Korok out of his hands.

“Where’s this little bugger from anyway?” He mumbled, turning the spirit face down to have a proper look at it. He furrowed his brow, then turned to Ravio, gestured to see if the rabbit hero had any clue about the creature. Ravio simply shrugged at him. “Hey! He isn’t some toy to be held like that!” Twilight shouted, scooping up the Korok from Legend’s hands. He held it carefully on his shoulder as one would a cat, as the Korok began playing with Twilight’s hair.

“I’m the best at dealing with animals here. I say we keep it,” Twilight nodded as the Korok’s hands started folding braids into his hair. “Peppers.” Hyrule quickly added, placing a hand on the little Korok’s back. “What’s this about p-peppers?!” Four almost leapt out of his skin after hearing “peppers”. Wild simply laughed and wrapped an arm around him.

“His name is Peppers!” Hyrule said once again, a smile dawning on his face. “Why peppers, though?” Four protested, his disdain for the food clear as day. Wind coughed a bit, trying to hold in a laugh. Sky gave him a light pat on the head and shook his head, mouthing “don’t”.

“Well, I think it’s a great name! Did…Did Wild pick it out?” Sky laughed wistfully, trying to discourage Wind from making fun of Four. “Nope, completely ‘Rule’s idea.” Wild answered, causing Four to instead eye Hyrule suspiciously. Legend folded his arms and let out a huff as Ravio giggled behind him. “Perhaps he’d be interested in renting?” Legend twisted around as Ravio flatly suggested.

“No one in their right mind would be interested in renting, Ravio.” He scoffed, turning back to face the rest of the chain. “I, personally, don’t want it. What if it steals our items and flees in the night?” War accused, pointing a finger towards the creature. A paranoid Warriors, Time couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, the Korok’s come from the Lost Woods. They’re the children of the Great Deku Tree, so I’d doubt they’d do that.” Wild explained, peaking the attention of Time. If the Korok’s were from the Lost Woods, he would have seen some by now, wouldn’t he? Or maybe they only showed up far after his era…

“Wait! You’ve met the Great Deku Tree too?!” Wind’s small figure jumped up, tugging on Wild’s tunic. Twilight eyed the older hero for a moment, he seemed…off. Korok still in arms, he strode up to Time and placed his free hand on his shoulder. “You alright, dad?” Time snapped out of his state of thought and quickly waved it off.

“I’m fine, just…glad that the Deku Tree still exists to them, I guess.” Time replied wistfully, his gaze trailing to the two blue-clad heroes, sharing their experiences with the ancient talking tree. “He was the…closest thing I had to a father.” His next comment caught Twili completely off guard. Does that mean he was related to a tree?

“Wait, your dad was a tree?! Are you joking?” Twilight exclaimed a bit too loudly, catching the attention of Four and Sky, who had been watching the unfolding chaos. Sky’s eyes widened immensely, full of curiosity as he quickly trotted over.

“Time’s father? A tree? My, that must be an interesting story!” Sky clasped his hands together in delight, eager to learn more about the mysterious Time.

“No, the Deku Tree was the closest thing to a father I ever had. I am not part tree.” Time had to hold back a snicker as he clarified that he was not of leafy descent. “I doubt that. Your hair is a very light shade of green.” Four pointed out, raising a hand to his chin in deep thought.

“I think that colour’s called yellow, dumbass.” Wind called from where he stood. Sky growled for a moment then proceeded to shout back: “Watch your language!”

For the rest of the evening, the chain shouted and argued, but settled on to keeping the Korok, naming it Peppers, much to Four’s disgust.

@bokettochild I hope you don't mind I borrowed Ravio's nicknames for everyone :)

#ah #lin writes #linked universe #lu fanfic #lu sky #lu warriors #lu twilight #lu legend #ah i'm not gonna tag all of them #botw #wind and wild bonding #warriors swears once what a badboy

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icarus-suraki · 2 years

Note

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

26. a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Probably just hanging out...? But, no, really: if it's a city rooftop, I'm definitely going to be pointing out things I think are interesting down on the street, or what some pigeons are doing, or what people are up to. If it's a suburban or rural rooftop--well, kind of the same things, but maybe with a few more silent gaps in between. Besides that, in any situation, I will insist on sharing music. I don't think my taste is all that great, but I like hearing new stuff. Also weird stuff. Like, just tell stories, make jokes. I'm not really into those "super-deep rooftop philosophy" conversations. I'm better at dumb shit and funny stories and weird music.

Somewhere there is video evidence of this, with me being the sober one in charge of the camera while three or four of my college friends stumbled around on a (flat! fear not!) roof while very, very stoned. I was more interested in making jokes about how my dorm room was so far from the main campus that if the whole school sat down, my room would be immediately plunged into total darkness.

26. a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Does it have to be a scenario about, you know, IRL meatspace me? Because I don't do that very much. I do have several hundred (thousand) dramatic and/or romantic scenarios that I like to play in my head until I fall asleep. I think that counts. Sometimes it's the same scenario over and over, with no alternations or additions because it's just a Good Scenario. I like thinking about a life I can’t live because that’s the closest I’ll get.

31. what type of music keeps you grounded? Keeps me grounded? See, I'm never sure what "grounded" means because I feel better when I'm not too grounded. But, anyway: I like repetitive things, if that makes sense? Electronic music, electronic-adjacent music, things with a repetitive beat, things with a heavy beat, or just something that has obvious repetition. I remember looping "Get Around" by the Beach Boys once when I was working on a paper: rhythm and repetition, and also something I could ignore enough to focus. I'll also listen to gimmicky "focus music" and "binaural beats" because it works the same way but there's even less distracting vocals and whatever going on. This is your brain on ADHD. 10 hour seamless loop mixes are ADHD culture don't @ me.

I usually say, "oh, I like weird and experimental and conceptual stuff," and that's true but that's not going to get me to focus. And I say this with some certainty after I had a stumbling slide into bleak despair when I listened to "Dead Flag Blues" on the 4th of July. Don't do that. As @lew-basnight put it, "Yeah [Godspeed You! Black Emperor] are not a backyard bbq party band, bless their hearts."

Likewise, Everywhere at the End of Time is in-cred-i-ble as a conceptual album (series?) but I will 100% cry at the last couple of movements, especially the final choral coda. This is a couple of layers down but hearing it the first time reminded me of the "Ave Maria" section of the old 1940 Fantasia, but not as it is but as I remember it. Pad Chennington did a long collaborative video about all the searching that went on to find all the different samples used in EATEOT and there's a bit where someone finds what is probably the original source for the coda and the sound of him just shouting about how they'd finally found it, the joy and the relief and what I swear are tears, just sticks with me. (As an aside, I disagree with the popular the idea that the "hell sirens" are a PTSD episode.) Also, if you like unusual and sometimes extremely obscure niche music, I highly recommend Pad Chennington's channel.

I will listen to In the Court of the Crimson King straight through, though, because I think the only thing keeping that album from ascending to the higher planes of Platonic Ideals of Prog Rock Forms is the fact that the jam session at the end of "Moon Child" is just a leetle bit too long.

But for focus and grounding? IDK, a 10-hour loop of "Bangarang" will work. And so will "Leekspin."

Uhhh...you can ask me things?

#ask game #ask me things #anon is on

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selfwriting-sugarquills · 4 years

Text

70 George Weasley headcanons in celebration of 700 followers!

A/N: I hate to repeat myself but I do still love and appreciate all 700 of you! Thank you for reading my stuff and here’s to 700 more! <3

Find the 70 Fred Headcanons: Here

George is well known to be the brains behind the twins’ operations. He sorted out finding the location for the shop in Diagon Alley, he came up with most of the names for their products, even if Fred came up with the idea for the product itself, and for the longest time, he was the one who sorted out sales and orders for stocking their wares as well as overseeing the owl post-service while Fred sorted the more practical parts.

It might sound crazy, but if you ask George, he didn’t actually like Fred very much until they were about eight or nine years old. George was a lot more quiet and emotional than Fred and frankly, probably feared his mother more than his twin, and so George always thought Fred was too brash for his liking. Eventually, as we know, Fred’s crazy ideas rubbed off on George, and he started liking his twin more and more until they became the inseparable duo we know and love today. Mostly this was because the two found out how well they complimented each other, which meant that whatever they got up to turned out a lot better than when they’d attempt the same alone.

Fred added an extra oomph to their escapades, daring to aim just a little higher, and George was sensible enough to make sure that a little higher wasn’t too high.

It’s only their older siblings who noticed this change and remember the times where Fred and George didn’t get along as well as they did, which is why Bill, Charlie and Percy tend to treat the twins more as individuals whereas Ginny and Ron are more likely to see them as a duo.

Since George is more sentimental, he’s also the bigger worrier. Did they like that joke? Did that prank go too far? Is this worth it and what are we going to do if it isn’t? He’s usually also the twin who’s more likely to step back and apologise to anyone they’ve pranked or teased, not liking the idea of upsetting someone.

This also means he’s incredibly considerate concerning relationships, he’s not afraid to voice his concerns and worries. If his s/o is struggling with something, he notices, worries and tries his best to support them.

Essentially, if their s/o is upset: Fred is more likely to make a joke to make them laugh and take their mind off it, George is more likely to take them aside and talk to them about it, letting them let their feelings out for as long as they need, he’ll listen for hours if that’s what his s/o needs.

Speaking of letting feelings out: It’s been pondered if the reason George is the better beater, despite Fred being the more brash and extreme of the two, is because he uses the quidditch pitch as an outlet for his aggression and considering his anger doesn’t just involve beating bludgers but also resorting to elbowing people in the face (or beating Malfoy up) I’d say that this is incredibly true for him. Most people share the opinion that if something angers George, he’d let it build up until he explodes (myself included) and playing quidditch is a good way to let off steam without it being directed at anyone in particular, making him extremely violent on the pitch, though after every game he plays, he’ll probably be in his most zen and relaxed state of mind.

I do also like the idea of George being very emotionally mature in the sense that he knows how his feelings tend to build up, and since George is also a worrier, he probably doesn’t like the side of him that explodes in people’s faces and yells until he’s done being angry, so: He does try to confront his feelings as soon as he feels them so they don’t get a hold on him. If he’s angry with you, he’ll tell you, if he’s upset because of something that’s happened he’ll tell you. If he doesn’t and seems all quiet and broody (cause he’s not a saint and sometimes he doesn’t confess his feelings) then it’s probably a good idea that you ask him about it.

George is also not afraid to cry, or at least he’s not as afraid to show it as Fred. He actually cried quite often as a small child, as Fred will happily remind him. The only times George will hold his tears back is when he doesn’t want to make the people he loves the most worry, like when he lost his ear.

He was so close to crying he thought his throat would split open but he kept it in while his parents and Fred were there; he couldn’t bear to worry his mother more. Not to mention Fred for that matter. Instead, he waited until he was allowed to take a shower and let it out as quietly as he could, though little did he know Fred was standing guard on the other side of the bathroom door, crying as well.

George doesn’t want a lot of children, he’s so used to the large family dynamic. It’s not that he disliked having many siblings but he’d prefer to have a few kids, three at most and be able to spoil them rotten.

George has only broken one bone. It was his collarbone from a bludger. Besides that, he has dislocated his arm once due to hitting a bludger too forcefully from a wrong angle and sprained his ankle from landing too quickly more times than he can count. He’s also been concussed from taking bludgers to the head twice.

George is actually a bit of a neat-freak. He likes having things in order and in the right place so he doesn’t lose track of things. He can’t put too many things in cupboards because if he can’t see them he’ll forget he has them and buy more and more (cause ADHD, baby), so instead he keeps things where he can see them, though in racks and specific orders which Fred often messes up.

Generally, once they moved out, George was better at doing the housework and he didn’t mind at all. Doing all the housework means it gets done the way he wants it done.

His favourite season is winter and his favourite holiday is Christmas because it’s “a time for family”.

George prefers Molly over Arthur (though it’s a tough pick), and he especially loves spoiling her once the shop takes off. He’ll buy her gifts often and always writes to remind her how much he (and Fred) appreciate her.

He’d never admit it but he also does this as a way of proving himself to her. It really hurt him in those years where Molly would disapprove of his and Fred’s plans and even when he found success he still grappled with the feeling of his mother not being proud of him, despite her telling him that several times. All this just added to his disliking of Percy when he was at his going through his insensitive-git-phase.

George’s favourite time of day is the evening. When everything’s quiet and still he can concentrate better. He wrote most of his essays and came up with most products for the shop during this time.

George loves intimacy. He’s not big on PDA. Cuddling alone together, being all tangled up in each other and having whispered conversations when everyone else is asleep are more his thing.

He does love being close to you in public though, he’ll sit next to you, hold your hand, have an arm around you, lean his head on yours, bump his knee against yours under the table if you’re in a lesson or at a meal together. Small yet intimate touches are George’s romantic love language.

George’s favourite sweet is chocolate. Anything with chocolate is good. If there’s caramel or coffee involved too then even better, mint is also accepted (his favourite flavour of ice cream is mint chocolate chip and he will fight you on why it’s the superior ice cream flavour)

George prefers tea over coffee and drinks AT LEAST two cups a day but can easily have up to four or five depending on how long his day is.

George takes a lot of naps. He’d occasionally nap at Hogwarts, like most students. He really started after he lost his ear because Molly kept fussing over him and forcing him to go lay down and rest, then it became even more of a regular thing after the battle of Hogwarts when he’d stay with Fred at st. Mungo’s, while he got better, and then when Fred forced him to go back to work because “sitting here, is not going to make my leg work, now go make us some galleons you git!” he’d work the shop mostly by himself, well, actually completely by himself beside his employees, which was still a small team at the time and he’d often just have to excuse himself to go upstairs and take 30 minutes to nap before he’d pass out from exhaustion.

George struggles with some sensory problems since losing his ear, he gets a faint ringing sound in his ear every now and then, and though he can hear out of his missing ear, it’s less than his other one and he struggles determining where sounds are coming from which is distracting sometimes. He also got a bit of vertigo every now and then as well as some nausea for the first few years after he lost the ear, it got better and better and today it barely bugs him, though he gets dizzy easily.

On the subject of the ear: George enjoyed telling his nieces and nephews (and heck his own kids too) these wild stories of how he lost his ear: he paid it as a toll to an ancient spirit to gain superpowers, it froze off on a particularly cold camping trip with their uncle Fred, a bludger blew it right off, he was possessed by the spirit of van Gogh…. the list goes on.

George was also slightly self-conscious of his ear for a while, he often worried if people were grossed out by it, though with time he forgot about it more and more until he hardly noticed it himself. Now he doesn’t notice if others notice and frankly, he couldn’t care less if they do.

Fred and George mention in OOTP that they took turns testing products, George tested puking pastilles and ended up taking several days off because of what Madam Pomfrey thought was a bad case of the stomach flu, nosebleed nougat (he said himself how it kept bleeding and at that point he let Fred do more testing because Madam Pomfrey was starting to get wayyy to suspicious of him having some terrible disease that was thought to be long gone) and fever fudge though Fred also tried that one.

George takes after his mother as a parent, his platonic love language is definitely cooking for his kids, making them hot cocoa and baking with them during Christmas breaks.

Does he fuss over his kids as Molly does? Noo, absolutely not no. no way. no. no. (yes)

George’s boggart is being left alone.

Despite that, he hates it when people assume that he and Fred are interchangeable and incapable of being without each other. He loves his friendship with Fred, he’s very happy to be his twin but he’s still his own person and it would be nice to be seen as such and not just “one of the Weasley twins”

Mostly his hatred of being seen as “one of the Weasley twins” stems from the fact that people always assume Fred first, meaning George has been mistakenly called Fred more times than he can count.

George is very timid, to begin with, in any relationships because he’s worried his s/o wants him to be like Fred, and that they don’t really care about him as a person but see him more as an asset or “the next best thing to Fred” Which is also why he’d never marry Angelina after she’d dated Fred, even if it was just for a while.

George spent his first salary from the shop on a gift for his mother, a necklace, and a mixed bag of sweets from Sugarplums'...He knows it’s stupid but he just wanted to buy as much candy as he wanted without feeling guilty about spending money for once.

George is not squeamish what so ever. He has got a stomach of steel. It’s almost kind of freaky how unfaced he is but then again, he did invent and test puking pastilles and a product called you-no-poo, so he’s seen a lot.

George’s favourite dates are movie nights and going for ice cream.

George (and Fred) regularly attends quidditch matches, they also love to go back to Hogwarts to watch their kids play (you know at least one of their kids would be into it, considering the Weasley’s history with the sport) and they always yell out their support v e r y loudly.

George really likes wine. The older he gets he appreciates it more and enjoys talking about it without any knowledge on it at business dinners, he’s impressed quite a few potential clients and business partners by giving them a long tirade about wine, without a single thing of it being necessarily true.

George (+Fred and Lee, lol) experimented with eyeliner for a short while, they stopped because it was quote-unquote: “too much work” which made a lot of their female friends roll their eyes because, oh you’ve no idea, do you, Weasley?

I mean someone had to test the wonderwitch products, right?

George is a very light sleeper, and since Fred is anything but that- what with his sleepwalking and tossing and turning- George rarely got a lot of sleep, meaning there’s a large percentage of his detentions in school that were solely from “inattentiveness” aka “falling asleep in class.”

George always thought that if he really really couldn’t work with the joke shop, he’d be a healer. He doesn’t know if he’d be any good at it but it’s a nice thought and he does have a caring gene from his mother.

George’s first sign of magic was when he was a year old. He summoned a blanket into his crib, so it wasn’t much. His first noticeable thing he did was three years later by blasting Fred off him when they were play-wrestling, he basically shocked him with a defensive charge which sent Fred flying onto his back. Fred’s reaction was sitting up, looking shocked, rubbing his head and then whispering: “cool!” They spent days trying to recreate it but to no avail. The story of the event has been greatly exaggerated by both Fred and George to their nieces and nephews.

They still joke that George has a secret superpower that can only be unlocked by play-wrestling him.

As George gets older, he requires glasses like his father, though mostly for reading and sometimes for working on products.

George’s favourite genre of music is soft rock, he’ll belt out an 80’s power ballad any day (and preferably while cooking)

Oh, cooking. George gets super into cooking and baking after the twins move out, he tries his best to recreate his mother’s recipes and is still to this day attempting to perfect her cornish pasty (a personal favourite of his) and every Christmas, George and Molly practically never leave the kitchen in the burrow, as George desperately tries to learn everything he can.

George is the godparent of all Fred’s kids as well as Albus, Dominique and Lucy.

George buys the best gifts, I’ve already touched on this, but he has a weird ability to get you not only what you wish for but what you really need.

Also, his gift wrapping skills are out of this world (his kids + nieces and nephews will never not receive those gifts that are wrapped in like 100 layers of paper)

George loves pet names, he loves the overly sweet, cliché ones and the simple, common ones. His favourite to call his s/o is darling, sweetheart and, weirdly, pumpernickel (he just thinks it’s a funny word).

George’s favourite dates he’d take his s/o on is: museum dates, cooking for them at home, picnics and going to the beach.

George actually kind of liked the Hogwarts uniform. It was easy to keep track of and it meant he could spend minimum time in hand-me-downs that rarely fit perfectly.

George would love to have (and probably has already got) a dog, he doesn’t care what size or breed (but personally I can see him getting on well with a cavalier or a Stabyhoun)

George (also) has a small size kink: He loves wrapping his arms around his s/o from behind, enveloping them in his jacket when it’s cold and resting his head on top of theirs.

George is either full of energy and wants to do five things at once or wants nothing more than to lay flat on the nearest soft surface he can find and watch movies until he falls asleep.

He often takes his s/o on random adventures, he does it as a way to escape boredom or if he’s lost his inspiration. He finds it helps to come up with new ideas if you throw yourself off your rhythm (if you get it you get it) by doing something random you don’t normally do.

George has big John Mulaney energy and if his s/o ever showed him his shows, he’d probably never stop quoting them.

George’s favourite body parts on his s/o: Neck, hands, lips (and butt) (this is where it gets steamy just fyi)

George is very respectful in bed, he’s the type to ask “are you ok?” and “is this ok?” a lot, at least the first couple of times he’s together with his s/o until he gets to know them better.

George def. has a praise kink, he loves giving praise but he also loves feeling like he’s appreciated and loved and doing a good job, you know?

We all know George has a thing for lace, we’re way beyond that at this point. Consider silk, though. He’d totally be into silk over the lace, it’s a light fabric, pretty and really easy to tear away…. *wink*

George is surprisingly good at opening bras.

Generally, he’s really good with his fingers…

He has a pretty dirty mind when it comes to sex but is also super embarrassed about it so he’d only admit his kinkier thoughts when he really trusts and knows his s/o.

I think he’d be pretty two-sided in bed, he loves the intimate, sweet sex but also the rougher, tearing-your-lingerie-off-you sex.

He prefers receiving more than giving oral but it is by such a small margin, he’ll happily give.

He can only last one round (maybe two if you give him a long break) but he’ll absolutely make it count.

George’s fav position is missionary. As much as he likes trying other positions, he prefers the intimacy of missionary. Plus he thinks being able to see your face as you unravel under him is really hot.

#700 follower celebration #george weasley #george weasley headcanon #george weasley x reader #george weasley fanfic #hp headcanons #harry potter headcanon #weasley twins x reader #weasley twins headcanons #weasley twins #selfwriting-sugarquills 700 follower celebration

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max-xy · 3 years

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My script for my Camp Cretaceous DR:

1. Day of arrival 2. Genetics Lab

3. Gyrospheres 4. Sleep wear

5. Everything goes to shit 6. After losing Ben

7. Regroup and rebuild 8. Swimwear(right)

Name: Max Edgar (not my real name)

Age: 14 y/o -born May 1st, 2001 (not real age)

Gender: Non-binary

Pronouns: He/they/it

Sexuality: Biromantic Asexual- and polyamorous

Height: 5’3

Eyes: Hazel

Hair: brown

Diagnosis: ADHD and anxiety (I do have ADHD and anxiety in this reality so I’d find it weird not to in another reality)

Love interests: Ben and Kenji

Backstory: My mom works at Jurassic World as a genetic engineer and is held in high regard so she managed to get me into the camp. My moms reasoned that I’d be able to make friends with the other kids at camp. I only have one friend that I’ve had since childhood due to me being pretty antisocial.

Traits: Due to anxiety and ADHD I stim and have tics. I like cracking jokes and lightening the mood if it’s tense. I avoid conflict and tend to defuse situations if they become to much. Keeps my problems to myself even if close family or friends and if people really want/need to know they’ll have to pry it out of me. Puts my problems aside for others. Not quick to anger. Likes to stand up for others but can’t stand up for myself. Easily flustered. I know first aid because my parents put me in a first aid training program when I was 10. I know I lot about psychology, sociology, and philosophy due to being hyper fixated on them previously. My other mom is a outdoorsy person, loves to build, camping, and foraging so I know a lot about the outdoors, how to build a shelter, forage, and other survival skills from her. Mom(Bonnie) taught me how to shoot a gun and use a knife. Sometimes over talkative when it comes to my hyperfixations. Can be impulsive, self destructive, and impatient. Idealist. I’m an INFP.

First few days on the island:

I was allowed to keep my phone like Brooklyn because I needed to have it in case I had to contact my therapist but only Dave and Roxie knew I had it. I’m pretty closed off and the only one I really talk to is Ben because we both didn’t want to come here. After Kenji and Darius snuck out Ben couldn’t sleep so we ended up talking till he could. The day we go to watch the Dino migration in the gyrospheres Ben, Kenji, and I have to share a three person sphere. (I know there are no three person gyrospheres in canon but just go with it.) Kenji doesn’t really like me to much, mostly cause I don’t side with him when he says he should drive instead of Ben. I leave my phone in my suitcase because I still haven’t unpack.

Family:

Monica Edgar- Mom that works for Jurassic World (37)

Bonnie Edgar- Mom that loves the outdoors (35)

Wilbur Edgar-Little brother (9)

Picrew that I used: https://picrew.me/image_maker/701767

#shifting #desired reality #camp cretaceous #Kenji #kenji kon #Brooklyn #Darius #ben pincus #jwcc yasmina #Sammy #sammy gutierrez #jurassic world camp cretaceous #shifting realities #shifting script #scripting

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your-turn-to-role · 4 years

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@daelenn i'm actually gonna give this its own post i think

but, hmmmm

i mean marisha and liam are definitely up there

several of them have powerful energies that aren't feral energies

but okay, i think i'll go with this:

1 - marisha. takes no shit from anyone. extremely strong force of personality. jumps all over the set when playing, incapable of sitting still or not screaming over stuff. see: hitting liam in the face, falling off the bench at the feeblemind moment, perching on her chair constantly, all the times near the end of campaign one where it would get too much and she'd just get up and walk around. "if someone told me five years ago i was gonna be a part of a global dnd phenomenon, i probably would have punched them in the face. and then asked them for gas money."

she's an incredible, creative, good at leading, excited feral, but feral nonetheless.

2 - liam. i mean, you can like feel the feral coming off of this guy. especially prominent when dressing up for liveshows, creating fictional storylines designed to torture his friends, and being angry at current us politics on twitter. like, don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful, loving, gentle human being, they all are. but like... the feral lurks constantly under the surface. whoever decided to sit liam and marisha next to each other for this campaign was a mad genius

3 - sam. now this is sort of where we stop ranking them by feral and start ranking them by chaos. marisha and liam aside, i wouldn't necessarily use the word feral for any of these guys? but sam definitely has the most feral energies of the remaining cast, like... we can talk forever about how good he is at causing chaos on the show, but before you even get to him playing dnd, consider his shirts and his ads. consider that he once put whipped cream on toothpaste and ate it. sam what the fuck.

4 - laura. an extraordinarily talented actress, and, like sam, uses these gifts to cause complete and utter chaos. on the whole, she’s a bit too put together to qualify as feral, but in terms of unpredictability, she beats out everyone. even matt struggles to play jester because he can never figure out what she’s going to do next. this is also extremely useful for laura when she wants to pull some crazy game bending shit, that no one will ever be able to get over. is she feral? perhaps not. is she capable of making everyone else feral? absolutely.

5 - ashley. ashley is one of the quietest players at the table, you won’t even see her until like halfway through the episode when she pulls out a hilarious one liner or a shocking character choice and grabs everyone’s attention. points deducted for overall aura of chill, but definitely added for sheer audacity, and also for how much i love her. the fact that she statistically has the most feral characters is also a point in her favour

6 - travis. a lot of any feralness travis has probably owes itself to being an adhd actor and sports fan from texas. like... that’s a lot of things for a person to be at once, that aren’t necessarily all conflicting, but certainly add up to quite a picture. and that picture is travis willingham. i love him? i think he’s got a good balance of feral and not, shown pretty well in the fact that he has the most feral vox machina character and the least feral mighty nein character. i wouldn’t describe him as a feral person overall, but he’s a big fan of causing chaos (and honestly really fucking good at it), so i think that adds to it a little too. (and also, he loves werewolves)

7 - matt. matt is not feral. matt has two modes, extremely competent actor and disaster human, and he can only be one at any given time. we mostly see the former, as he’s the DM and has to control this chaos, but i love the content we get where he’s not in DM mode and we realise how much of a disaster he is. has his moments of chaos, but on the whole a good and necessary balance to the rest of this squad. he’s also just like soft and full of love

8 - taliesin. i mean, taliesin has incredibly powerful energies, undeniably, but i feel like rather than being feral they were designed to keep feral contained. taliesin was there for the invention of the word feral, looked whatever beast earned that name in the eyes, and won without a fight. feral is terrifying because you can see the thing you know you can’t control, taliesin works near exclusively in the realm of the unseen

(though he does get points for every story he has to share about being a weird queer teen in hollywood and the various drug related and/or criminal escapades he somehow got up to. i mean, immortal jokes aside, taliesin has lived a life.)

#crit role cast #critical role #matt mercer #taliesin jaffe #travis willingham #laura bailey #sam riegel #ashley johnson #liam o'brien #marisha ray #cr thoughts #text #meta #?#feral rankings

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littlemissagrafina · 3 years

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You'll be okay (Cause you're never alone)

(A female Peter Parker and irondad vent fic delving heavily into mental health. If any of the tags are triggering to you, please don't read it. Stay safe, loves.)

Read on AO3

Peyton knew she was loved, she did, but it didn't matter to her brain what she knew. It didn't agree with her. It never did.

When her body felt tired and her arms craved to wrap around her loved ones, her brain would be there trying to convince Peyton that her wants were a burden.

When her eyes wanted nothing more than to cry waterfalls of tears and her body shook with the shivers her anxiety left behind, her mind berated her, told her she was overreacting.

And when Peyton's heart ached with the burden of the sadness her mind bestowed upon it, her mind was there with thoughts of doubt of the love she knew from her family, with fears and losses amplified until she was drowning in a never ending sea of emotion.

A deep ocean she never let out. All thanks to the words her mind spun around and around in her head, some with no foundation, and some that were all too true.

Peyton never was able to tell which ones hurt more. Those built from truth or those from doubts. It was something she didn't ever think she would know for sure.

What she did know, however, was that she couldn't escape from either kind.

Those borne from doubts could at least occasionally be rationalised far easier than those borne in truth.

But the ones that had a foundation of fact… they ached. They burned and twisted in a way that was different from the doubting ones.

They settled into her chest and tightened until she couldn't breathe.

They couldn't be softened the way that doubt born ones could, and as such, they haunted Peyton far worse than any other.

They followed in her every interaction, every move, every word she spoke. It was what had forced her to hide herself away and for the weight to all start building upon her back in the first place.

They stemmed from May and Peyton hated that her aunt, her mother in all but blood, was the start of her spiraling that she tried so hard to hide.

Peyton loved May with all of her heart and she knew that the woman loved her just as deeply. They were so close and such a part of each other… but that didn't take away from the way May's views, misunderstanding, and ignorance had affected Peyton.

It didn't change the years of being told everything would be fine and that she was smart, she couldn't possibly be struggling with anything.

"You just have to apply yourself more, Sweetheart."

It didn't change the countless bad days where all Peyton had wanted to do was curl up in her bed and not get up only for her aunt to say that she had no reason to be sad.

"I know things have been hard in the past, Pey, but we're fine now. There's no reason to be sad."

It didn't change the many times that May had dismissed her when Peyton had tried to bring up her thoughts on possibly being ADHD.

"You're not hyper, Peyton. You can't have ADHD."

And it didn't change the time when she finally said she battled with anxiety only for May to tell her, "Just don't be anxious then."

Moments like those were repeated over and over again for years until Peyton eventually gave up.

She started hiding her fear of school.

Her depression was covered by fake smiles and countless jokes in a bid to be okay.

Lack of concentration and daydreaming was disguised as thinking about homework or a new idea for her lab time with Mr. Stark.

Shaking hands and anxiety hives were brushed aside as needing something to eat and her shirts or hoodies making her itch.

Slowly but surely, Peyton became a master of excuses. Although many of them she probably only got away with due to her aunt's decidedly bad observation skills.

Maybe that was one of the reasons she was able to get away with the occasional nights of blood slowly dripping down from her thighs to swirl down the shower drain. It had become her release, her escape.

An injury from patrol or her own general clumsiness used as an excuse for the bandaids that became more and more likely to disappear from their shared bathroom cabinet.

Through it all, May was none the wiser to the war her niece was waging on and within herself.

Tony Stark, however, he was a different case. He noticed things that most took for granted. He used his cocky and flashy media persona to distract from his eyes soaking in every detail he could from any situation he found himself in.

He was the one person that Peyton's own masks and acts didn't fool. He didn't always easily accept the excuses for the stray cuts that would appear on her arms or the dark, puffy circles under her eyes.

Tony wasn't like May in that way.

And so it sadly came as no surprise when he noticed after one too many weeks of Peyton being entirely too reckless with her pocket knife, when the cuts on her thighs became deeper than they had before and her healing took longer to stop the bleeding.

The constant craving for the pain had snuck up on Peyton until the escape she found was one she could no longer escape from.

Peyton had foolishly hoped that she could get away with it for a while longer even though she knew she had to be stopped, no matter how much she didn't want to.

Her hopes were for nothing and it was all thanks to a single pair of grey sweatpants.

---

The second and fourth weekends of each month were reserved for Peyton and Tony to go upstate and spend the two day weekend (from the time Peyton left her last class on Friday to Monday morning when Tony would drop her off at Midtown) at the compound.

In the early days they had used to train in the larger, more well equipped gym as well as more complex suit enhancements.

Now, however, it was still used for those things at times but it had become far more of a mini getaway for the two of them. Occasionally they would be joined by Pepper or Rhodey but for the most part it was the two of them.

It was routine. Something familiar and comforting in the reliability of the twice a month escape.

As such, Peyton's self-harm habits had formed a routine around these weekends as well. It was one of the few times she restricted herself to not cutting at all apart from the friday morning before school.

Usually, those cuts would be scabbed over and partially healed by the time Tonh picked her up.

Today was not a usual day.

Thanks to the sudden cold brought by an early winter cold spell, a lot of Peyton's energy was spent by her metabolism trying to keep her body warm and stop her from going into hibernation.

Add that to the new depth and disregard of the far more frequently added cuts on her thighs and you get a healing factor that doesn't have the resources to work as it normally does.

Peyton hadn't thought of that when she had shakily re-opened the cuts in the hidden second floor bathroom after her last class. The only thing that had registered was the leftover surge of anxiety from Flash's recent bullying and the sudden single minded craving to split her skin open.

Realising the time when Tony sent her a message telling her that he was in the parking lot, Peyton folded up toilet paper and roughly bundled it between her thighs and pants to stop any of the blood from seeping through on her jeans.

She could deal with it later when she changed at the compound.

---

Unsurprisingly, she didn't deal with it, instead she flushed the wads of toilet paper down the toilet before changing into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie so she could be comfortable in the lab.

Her first mistake.

Her second mistake came from forgetting that the sluggishly bleeding cuts would eventually start to coagulate and scab. And that they did. Against her sweatpants.

Her last mistake?

Well, that was jumping up after sitting in the same position for two hours. Two hours that had her cuts start healing before they were re-opened thanks to her sudden movement.

Peyton couldn't stop the wince at the pain of the scabs peeling back as her pants shifted on her legs.

She was unaware that her mentor (read: unofficial father) had been glancing at her at times as he tried to piece together the puzzle of her increasingly strange behaviour that had formed over the last months.

As such, Peyton didn't see the way his face paled when he noticed the blood on her pants. Fear and sadness filling his heart as all the pieces were put together. It had all been right there in front of him, sign after sign, and he'd missed every one.

"Peyton." The man said, getting up from his workbench and moving towards her.

"Hmm?" Peyton hummed, ignoring the fabric tugging on her thighs as she turned to face him.

The look Tony fixed on her made Peyton pause, her eyes following his when they subconsciously flickered to the red stain on her pants. In seconds she felt the blood drain from her face and her fingers get the tell tale tingling of her anxiety flaring.

Before Tony could speak, she was rising with a well practiced excuse on her lips. "I'm so sorry. I have my period and… lemme just go change and clean up and I'll be back in a bit."

She made it to the elevator before a hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

"Don't do this, Peyton."

"Do what?" Her feigned confusion was almost believable but Tony saw the way her hands quivered slightly at her side as she shrugged his hand off and stepped into the elevator.

Tony followed.

"Don't lie to me. Make excuses."

The doors closed and it was silent as they moved up to the living room.

After a few moments, Peyton shook her head. "I'm not–"

Tony guided her to face him. "Your period was two weeks ago, the last time we came up here. I know because you were annoyed at your nausea and cramps keeping you from trying out the new aerial bars in the gym."

The doors opened and Peyton walked out, moving towards her room and trying in vain to think of an excuse, a protest, anything to get herself out of the inevitable.

Before she could get out of the living room, Tony caught her sleeve, stopping her in place.

"You're not okay, I see that. If this is–" Tony cut himself off, drawing in a short breath. "You are hurting, Bambina, no matter the form. I want to help you but I need you to talk to me. Please."

It was almost as if the wind was taken out of Peyton's sails. Her head droped and she let out a tired breath.

"You're right," Peyton finally admitted, words spoken so softly that Tony had to strain to hear her.

The admission hurt Tony to hear. He'd known, but he had still wished in vain to be wrong.

"I– uh. It's not– I don't…" She didn't know what to say, didn't know how to explain or to say anything at all.

None of the words were the right ones for what she needed to say and to finally get out after so many years of keeping them locked away.

And then it all came rushing in. The realisation that someone knew. The terror of the reality of Tony, the man who was practically her father, finding out what she had done, what she did, to herself.

"Roo." A hand cupped Peyton's cheek grounding, her from the flood of emotion and thought. She looked up, blinking through the tears building in her eyes and met Tony's own teary ones.

She let out a whimper, "I'm not okay."

And she broke.

She sobbed, and she hiccuped, the force of her cries sending tremors through her body but Tony only cradled her in his arms. He held her together so she could let herself fall apart, and fall she did.

Through her tears she explained everything. All of her doubts, her fears, her anxieties, sadness, and the expectations she felt she could never live up to.

She told him about the nights cried herself to sleep and the nights where she was too numb and tired to rest. She told him of the words said to her that she couldn't help but take deeply and personally, no matter the true meaning behind them.

And she told him about the anxiety attacks, about the dissociation, and (most heavily) about the self harm. How it was sometimes the only escape she felt she had, even above her patrols or her missions as Spider-Woman.

Through it all, Tony listened. He didn't try to interrupt, he didn't tell her she was wrong or making anything up, he only listened.

For the first time, Peyton felt as if she was truly heard.

Her tears eventually stopped, only the occasional sniffle left behind. Her dad's arms never left their place wrapped around her. They only moved when Tony shuffled them across to the couch where Peyton immediately curled into his arms again.

"I'm sorry I'm so messed up. I know I'm not okay but I'm sorry that I just dumped it on you like tha–"

"Peyt, Bambina, it's okay. It's okay." Tony's eyes were earnest, nothing but love and truth in them as he looked down at her. "This is going to sound cheesy, I know, but it is okay not to be okay."

He sat up slightly, shifting until Peyton was facing him on the couch. "I'm not going to lie, this is going to be one hell of a time to get through and past, but we will get you help and I will be by your side to support you through all of it."

Peyton chewed on her lip, fingers subconsciously digging into the tops of her thighs before Tony curled her palms into his own.

"Talk to me, Pey, what's going on in your head?"

"I'm scared." Peyton hesitated before admitting it. She was silent again, almost warring with herself to get her next words out. "I dunno how to be different or who I am without the hurt or the hiding. And I don't know how to stop wanting to hurt myself or be clumsy so I get hurt on purpose. I know it's a bad and dangerous thing but I also don't want to stop. I don't know how to escape all of this."

She looked at her dad, scared that she would find disgust at what she had now said in words despite it already being discovered earlier with her stating it. "I'm scared that you'll hate me or be angry or disgusted that I'm like this."

At her words, Tony's eyes hardened, a fierceness in them that wasn't as strong moments ago.

"Peyton Parker, if there is one thing I Will never ever hate you, be disgusted, or angry, alright? Never. Not for one fuckibg second. Do you hear me?"

Peyton, do you hear me?" Tony repeated when she only nodded.

"Yes. I hear you."

Tony nodded. "Good because it's never changing. We're gonna get you the help you need, baby. I promise you."

Not knowing how to thank him, Peyton settled for hugging him again, smiling for the first time that evening when she felt a kiss against her hair.

"I love you, Dad." She said without thinking, freezing slightly when she felt Tony tense before he relaxed.

Tony murmured back to her, before she could apologise. "I love you too, Tesoro."

It was quiet, then. Heavy from all that had been said, but not uncomfortable or awkward.

Things weren't okay. But okay could wait, because in these seconds and moments, after all that had changed and happened that evening, there was peace.

---

Eventually Peyton would speak once more, her voice small and almost childlike in her need for guidance and assurance.

"We'll get through this?" She asked softly.

And Tony would answer, firm and sure.

"We will."

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