#assume anything anymore LMAOOO)

[theninaproject]

anyway thinking abt mike/el’s storylines n the ways they compare n contrast... how El is having memories of how someone tried to take advantage of her loneliness and a shared experience to take advantage of her and control her for their own benefit... and how Mike is feeling something but doesnt know what it is, and Will is feeling the same way but doesn’t think Mike feels the exact same way he does... how they both still click, how they both want to reach out and hold on to one another but are afraid because they both think, as Robin said for us earlier, “I ask out the wrong [girl], and bam, I’m a town pariah.”

it’s frustrating as viewers but also sweet that both Will and Mike refuse to make assumptions about one another cuz they both know what that’s like and how assumptions have been used to bully each of them respectively n just... gahhhh. i want them to really see each other by the end of this season so very badly.. </3

[wintersera]

cw: exhibitionism, g!p winter, oral (giving)

daily minjeong thirst post bc im so unbelievably insane about her??? SHE LOOKS SO FINE WITH THAT NIKE SLEEVELESS TOP LIKE???

fr need to get into that studio and start sucking her dick while she’s tryna sing 😭😭 lmaoo her struggling to sing her parts, ending up moaning and whimpering while she’s singing a high note???

nah, so imagine you’re in the studio with her but it has tinted glass (IDK WHY LET ME COOK) and she’s sneaked you in there to watch her record something, the director comes in telling minjeongie to start singing :(( and damn the director is asking why her voice keeps breaking or why she keeps getting outta breath. little did she know minjeongie is getting her dick sucked 🤭

tongue swirling around her tip while she’s trying to belt out notes. girlie has to take her headphones off, concentrated on making sure she’s not moaning into the mic. her hands are grippinngg onto your head for dear life, and when i tell you minjeongie is lowk kinda loud she’s LOUD, so she’s trying her absolute hardest. she’s fr biting her lip, eyes rolling back, gripping onto literally everything- LET THE GIRL MOAN!!! poor director wondering why minjeong hasn’t said anything for a couple of minutes but she’s assuming minjeong is tired as hell so she doesn’t bother her. BUT SHE STAYS IN THE ROOM WITH THE HEADPHONES ON JST IN CASE. minjeong ofc seeing that the director has her headphones on so she’s holding back so many unholy noises.

making the situation worse, you begin to stroke her dick while you’re playing with her tip. OH? she almost groaned out loud. not able to hold it in anymore she covers her mic with her hands or the fabric of her shirt and lets out the most highest whiniest moan youve heard from her :((( awhhh. and LMAO the director leaped outta her chair, believing that minjeong woke up from a nightmare or something lol.

the way minjeong looks at you while you swallow ever last drop of cum is so funny, but also so cute. she’s mentally scolding you and you’re on your knees like 🫣🫣🫣 LMAOOO but yeah those are my silly minjeong thoughts for today <333

[bunglegaydogs]

Episode 61 BSD spoilers ofc xoxo

I know a lot of people are upset at Fyodor's death this episode, but can we all just remember that this was probably one of the better options that could have happened of all the options?

I always knew that Fyodor would die - it was just a definite thing I had in my head. He couldn't stay alive like Fitzgerald, that's not the way his character is. He's too much of a danger to everyone else when he's alive. I thought this was a pretty great ending to his life, it's not perfect but it is? I don't know. Something about burning in the flames and succumbing to them in the vehicle you were supposed to escape in after being fooled by a cheap party trick.

For all the people saying "But Fyodor's the smartest character in BSD! How could he be fooled by Chuuya just pretending to be a vampire?"

May I remind you of the fact that Fukuchi fooled Ranpo? You know, the one who's known for never being wrong and solving things like this constantly? Because even when Mushitarou used his ability, the same ability that has hidden thousands and thousands of esteemed criminals with deplorable crimes to their name, and not one person has been able to find them, Ranpo was still able to solve it with only a few clues.

Yet due to his unwavering trust and faith in Fukuzawa, that led to him being completely oblivious to Fukuchi being Kamui. He didn't think that he'd need to look beneath the surface level, because Fukuzawa trusts him so much. He never thought that he'd need to look any further.

The same goes for Fyodor and Chuuya.

Fyodor isn't the smartest character in the series, nor is he meant to be! He's simply just one of the smartest. He can still be outwitted by the rest. Not everyone can win everything every single time. Eventually, no matter how good you are at chess, someone else will beat you.

Anyways lol.

We don't even know how Fyodor got Chuuya to Meursault, or how he had proof that he'd turned him into a vampire. Of course, it will all be revealed soon, but disregarding that for a second.

Chuuya has broken into Meursault after Fyodor tells him to, mowing down all the guards and killing them all and saving Fyodor's ass from getting shot or being thrown back into jail. It all adds up in Fyodor's head so far. Chuuya says nothing, only growls, hisses, and screams. Typical vampire. (Other than his weird yowl LMAOOO)

Nothing is fishy to Fyodor yet. Chuuya is helping him and doing as he says. Then, they both get almost drowned by Dazai. Again, this is all pointing to the fact that he is not on Dazai's side if Dazai is actively putting him in his plans to kill Fyodor too.

Fyodor assumes that their bond is shallow and fragile, easily breakable if he presses down hard enough and severs the knot, which is what hes trying to do. He teases Dazai because, in his head, it's a one-sided relationship in SKK.

Fyodor doesn't understand human emotions well. He sees people as pawns and is not afraid to use them to get what he wants. But he is different from Dazai in the way he thinks about them. He dislikes humans; he thinks they're sinful and boring and a waste of his time, whereas Dazai thinks humans are fascinating and complicated and wonderful. Fyodor does not see the appeal. Which is what separates him from Dazai. Fyodor uses the people around him until he has no use for them anymore, tossing them aside. He has no regard for their feelings, and anyone he associates with he automatically tries to see what he can get from them and what he can do with them. Dazai does not. Dazai uses people as a means to help the Agency, or to save someone else, or to get information on how to not let the fucking world end, and the character development is wild.

Dazai used to be much more like Fyodor than he is now. He was cold, ruthless, and heartless back then. Whilst Dazai still sees no point in living and wishes to die, and he sees no point in anything, he has still grown more compassionate and a lot more self-aware and he has become capable of more emotion and wanting to save people thanks to Oda. Yes, he still doesn't really care about much, but he genuinely does care about those closest to him and saving and protecting them.

That is why Fyodor couldn't understand - he didn't know just how much trust Soukoku had between each other. He underestimated the bond between them. How much they rely on each other, and always have, for seven years. He thought he had Chuuya under his thumb this entire time, but Chuuya had bested him and tricked him.

This also just goes to show Chuuya's intelligence that a lot of people seem to forget. This type of shit will come easy to Chuuya - he's a Mafia executive for a reason, God damn it. He can lie, he can manipulate, he can be sly and cunning and discreet and careful. He's not a fool, he knows how dire this situation is. And so of course he's going to put his all into a completely fool-proof performance. He literally fooled us, and we're the ones shouting at Dostoevsky for underestimating Soukoku's bond.

But see? This is precisely why this was a suitable "death" for him. (I'm only saying "death" in quotes because you never fucking know with this series.)

Burned in the flames of hellfire as he perishes with the thought that he was completely beaten.

I made a post a while ago about how Fyodor's downfall was going to be how he thought he was too untouchable, how everything is simply but a trial for him and how he is the messenger of God, forcing his will onto other people and just spreading what is God's plan to wipe the world of sinners. How cocky he gets in his own way about his intelligence. How he underestimates, undermines and belittles the people around him because he genuinely thinks that they're worth nothing more than a pebble on the ground to him. He has no empathy or compassion that we've seen so far. He tricked Sigma and stabbed him with absolutely no remorse despite them being in the DOA together. Nikolai was happy to see him out of prison, and he pretty much just blanked him and went straight to the topic at hand, despite apparently having all the time in the world to kill (not really he needed the antidote not to die tbf lol). His downfall was the very thing that sets him apart from the others and typically gives him the upper hand - lack of regret, compassion or empathy or remorse. He was prepared to (and did!) kill children. He lobotomized two people. He manipulates everyone.

I really don't think that Fyodor's story is over at all, but I do think he's actually dead. Maybe not though. As I said, you never fucking know with this series.

Anyways. My point in this post was the fact that whilst we're all upset about his death (well, not all?), it was suitable. You can't complain about BSD not having the balls to kill off any characters, and then when it does, complain that a character has died. Or that "Well, it should have been somebody in the Agency." And what logic would that bring to the table? What would an Agency member dying accomplish? Atsushi is the protagonist, so he's off the table. Things would be very fucked up if Yosano died because then none of them could survive the shit they get themselves into. We don't know enough of Kunikida's history for him to go, plus he's the next leader of the ADA, plus his story is not finished, plus it wouldn't give us anything but grief if he was to die. If Ranpo died, that would also be a big no no, because it would only possibly send Fukuzawa into some sort of corruption arc, and it would crumble the foundations of the Agency, considering he and Fukuzawa are the two founders and he was the first member, and the Agency was made for him. Kenji, I don't see any point in killing our guy off. Leave him alone <3 Kyouka, maybe. She seems, I guess, slightly reasonable. Give Atsushi something more to fight for. Give him reasons to go feral, give him something to be absolutely fucking distraught about. But after that... then what? What would her death bring but grievances to Atsushi? Tanizaki, also no point in killing him off. They'd lose a valuable ability that could get them out of so much shit, Asagiri wouldn't kill him off like that, especially when we hardly know anything about him.

And for people saying "Dazai should have died instead."

That would be really fucking unreasonable - we still have far too many unanswered questions and loose ends. Atsushi would lose his mentor and obviously not handle it well. What about Akutagawa? Kunikida? Chuuya?

Dazai is such an integral part of BSD and an integral part of Atsushi's life - my one hope whilst waiting for the newest episode was that Asagiri wouldn't kill Dazai because there was no logical reasoning behind it. Yes, it would cause some great angst, but if he died, it would have actually just been the turning point for this conflict to get worse. Fyodor would have escaped, and then what? The world would have been wiped, because I guarantee you even if that wasn't Fukuchi's plan, it sure as hell was Fyodor's and he gets what he wants. If Dazai had actually genuinely died, what happens to Chuuya who has to look at his partner's lifeless body in front of him and is like "I did that." If he was a vampire through this and came back when Aya pulled the sword out, imagine what the fuck would have happened when he saw what he'd done. We all remember him going absolutely fucking feral and off the rails in Beast, and he hadn't even killed him there. Chuuya comes to, looks at the gun in his hand, looks at the dead partner of 7 years in front of him bleeding out. My safest bet is that he'd use corruption. But, Dazai is dead. He can't nullify it. Fyodor is escaping on the helicopter. Sigma is still in that room unconscious. Nikolai is doing God knows what he can teleport and shit. Chuuya unleashes corruption, destroys himself and the building, and Fyodor is far away and so is Nikolai, and Sigma is caught in this wreck. That's three important characters all killed in one swoop, whilst the "bad guy" escapes and is free to enact his plan without them hindering it.

?!

I'd rather not see that ending of BSD I can't lie to you <3 (However, I do want an angsty SKK scene of Chuuya going batshit insane at realising what he's done whilst he's been controlled and used as a puppet which is fucking awful for him... maybe I would like to see a little snippet of what this world would be like. Anyways.)

Sorry this got SO off-topic.

MY POINT BEING FYODOR'S DEATH WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPEN.

TL;DR: Fyodor's death was always going to happen. It was inevitable.

He's been likened to Jesus so much throughout this series. He's a messenger of God and God puts him through so much suffering, and so many trials, and he sees it all as a simple test that he'll be sure to overcome. He's so blinded by his faith and his Jesus Complex that he can't see where he goes wrong or where he has failed because he's so sure that he can win and doesn't understand human emotions and underestimates everyone around him therefore leading to his demise and being fooled by Soukoku, who he doesn't understand the bond between because he doesn't look beneath the surface of anything intwined with complex emotions.

An angsty outlook would be that Fyodor may be scared of emotions because he doesn't feel them, and therefore takes the approach of "what you don't know can hurt you" and he's afraid of what he doesn't know, much like Dazai. But hey that's just my brain wanting to be scratched and itched the right way and making all my favourite characters tragic.

ANYWAYS goddamn this was so long-winded to just say that.

I hope everyone has a lovely day/night <3

[cup1dvalenl1na]

Ok so, strange request. Headcanons for Meister Maka with a weapon gn s/o

(blatantly assuming that either soul doesn’t existence or her never meet Maka)

If the request match up too well then you could make s/o’s weapon form a scythe too.

I WOULD LOVE TO!

(Lowkey my reaction to my first request)

ANYWAYS LET'S START! (Prolouge, ⬇️)

So Maka, we all know Maka is a very loyal person to her friends, and you are no exception as her weapon partner.

I feel like at first, Maka and you, would have a bumpy relationship.

She's focused on making you stronger than her father Spirit, so I feel like she would be kind of closed off at first. She's very focused on her goal and doesn't want anything to get in the way. Not to say that you guys don't get along, she's just very focused.

However, as time comes, (maybe something would happen with you, etc you got injured or sacrificed your self for her on a mission) the more you she realizes what she's kind of been doing? She's like "aw man bro I've been treating them like poopy dookie." (NOT EXACT WORDS LMAOOO)

Once she realizes what she's been doing I think she would feel bad, like really bad. So she would come up to you and apologize that her ignorance got you hurt. poor bby.

So you guys eventually build a strong bond together, and you always look out for each other. She believes in you, as her friend and as her weapon.

ROMANTIC HC⬇️⬇️

She's always had problems with love, especially because of Spirit, she has never really been around a healthy type of love, so she's always shut off the idea of love at first. Not wanting to be cheated on or treated badly like what Spirit did to her mother :((

But once you come along, as her scythe partner, she feels things that she never would've thought she would feel before. But she's afraid, afraid of everything that might happen if she says something. She's afraid she might lose you.

But eventually something happens, and she can't hold it back anymore, so she tells you, most likely in private ofc. I don't think she would tell you in front of everyone because this is a very vulnerable moment for her.

When you accept she's like mind blown, she stands still for a few min, lowkey making you worried, but then gives you the biggest hug 😢

During missions she would become a lot more protective for you, not wanting you to get hurt a lot and doesn't let you sacrifice yourself for her. She's just worried she's going to lose you, so she's a bit up tight at first, so you're going to have to reassure her that you're okay and want to help her achieve her goal in making a death scythe.

If you do get injured during battles she would get incredibly upset at herself if she thinks it's her fault, and stay beside you in the nurses office and hold your hand. If you got injured bc you were being a dumb dumb she's going to ridicule you (out of loveee bc she cares about you a lot and doesn't want you to get hurt.)

She's a little shy to affection, so if you wanna kiss her you're probably going to have to do it first. She's not used to being super vulnerable around people. But she would hold your hand in between classes, and if for some reason you don't kiss her yet she would get a little worried that you don't like her anymore, but eventually build up the courage to give you a little kiss on the cheek. (She wants you to shut up after it tho, don't ever bring it up or she will get embarrassed and Maka chop you LMAO)

During training and everything she always want to make sure she doesn't overwork you, and always offers for you to take breaks before continuing or bandaging you up if anything happens. However she is adamant that you keep up with your studies, but bc you are her partner she will try to be patient with you and will help you study, she's very proud of you no matter the outcome of your studying. At least you tried and that's what matters.

Lowkey makes food for you after missions too, you come home and even tho she's tired she'll sit you on the couch and make dinner for you, she'll blush really hard if you come over and help her cook. (Do it, help her.)

(THIS WAS REALLY LONG I'M SO SORRY I GOT IN THE ZONE. Might make a part 2?? If you want?? This was really fun to write about)

[22degreehalo]

One of the interesting things about Andy in terms of like shitty parent situation flavour and all is that, he really seems to crave the approval of his mum and dad, and definitely recognises that they love his brother more than him, but they like... actually don't even seem to have any expectations for him at all anymore from what we see

Like his whole family deal was of course sorta infamously all over the place based on what the writers thought was funny in any given moment (like if not for secretaries he wouldn't have a step mom, but then likes this other place because it's where his parents decided not to get divorced), but the most consistent vibe I get is just that they like. Already gave up on him and treat him as at best a family embarrassment they'd rather not acknowledge. And he MOSTLY seems to understand that and tries to prove them wrong and win them back over in his endlessly optimistic sort of way but Garden Party proves that they just. don't even seem to care anymore? At all? And all of Andy's like valorisation of his family history and desires to prove himself to them only really matter in his head.

It's just interesting from the perspective of like, him being queer. Because on the one hand yeah, it would conflict with his own sorta Self Image that he has both painstakingly and not entirely consciously concocted? The one he ruthlessly maintains at all times despite not seeming to have any particularly great intellectual self-awareness of? Which is a thing in itself: Andy isn't exactly the greatest character for like... self-reflection. To put it mildly. So it's hard to imagine how he'd navigate that kind of personal discovery and integrating it into his general behaviour, self-identity etc. And ultimately yes, his mum and dad wouldn't be too fond of having an openly bi son. Especially in the late 00s slash early 10s.

But also, in Gossip, he actually... does seem to question whether or not he's queer!! And try to pursue and evaluate it earnestly!! (Of course in fitting with the above, it's not because of any PERSONAL feelings or discoveries, just...... other people have said it. So maybe it HAS to be true??) Like, he doesn't seem THAT far down into the 'haha that couldn't POSSIBLY be true!' self-denial or whatever. And he doesn't seem THAT freaked out or upset by the possibility, either: just really, really confused!

Maybe that's it: he just feels this intense, constant desire to act however other people expect him to act. (Which....... relatable as dude lmaooo.) If other people keep thinking he's gay, then well: guess he's gotta have to act like a gay dude. But he has to get Oscar's guidance, of course, and then ultimately demands Michael just tell him. Maybe it's just a chameleon thing, and if his parents came by in this episode for some reason he'd be immediately like pshhht no way would the Nard-dog ever be up for that! He's a Cornell grad, equals a CATCH, and he is totally prepared for marrying a sufficiently classy lady to match! (Cue Oscar giving him the stink-eye in the background.)

So. Would there be a fear of like, parental disapproval...? Because while they wouldn't approve... I can't see them disapproving much more than they already do. It seems more likely that it would just bolster the view of him that they already have. But I don't think Andy is THAT pessimistic about it. And maybe that's it: it's almost comforting to think that they wouldn't want him to be queer, because that'd mean they actually care on some level about him. It's harder to admit that he could tell them anything and they'd just sigh and roll their eyes and keep going as they are.

IDK man. I'm working on another fic (my annual Christmas fic~~) and when it came to fill out the obligatory internalised homophobia subthemes I realised it was actually kinda a lot more complicated than I first assumed, lol.

[wynterlanding]

get to know the author!

name : ash!

pronouns :  she/her

preference of communication : tumblr ims honestly. After some iffy experiences I no longer give out my discord to just anybody. I have to speak to you for a while on tumblr/interact/ooc chat (just make sure you actually wanna write with my muse & we gel) before I even feel comfortable doing it anymore. As unfortunate as that is BUT dms are always open here.

most active muse :  If you can't tell it's Landon lol He has his own solo space apart from his low activity connected universe multi. WHICH is only available to mains rn. But he lives in my head rent free so it's him.

experience / how many years :  Time to show my rp age. I kicked it on forum groups. NOW the bane of my existence and why I will never join any rp group again lolol Around 2008/2009 ish? I have seen a lot of shit. Which is why my rules are the way they are cause I ain't got time to put up with bs. I used to roll Hugh Dancy back in the era of H.annibal for an original and had the lovely experience of being forced shipped on LMAOO

best experience : Other than being able to meet and connect with cool ghosties now? A little private server I used to have with some people (one being one of my best friends now) that was fun until it faded.

rp pet peeves : anon hate. people following ( especially first ) but NEVER interacting with anything. inconsistency. pretending to have interest in me+muse and then banning my fc. YEP It's happened and it's a major blacklist!

fluff, angst, or smut : All? I mean I don't smut on first interactions or shit. It's gotta be established ships cause not my priority. But it's all good. Can I say horror and thriller? lolol Honestly someone burned me badly with a shit ton of angst non stop so I'm not always here for that. Good plot drama is juicy tho.

plots or memes : Plot! Plot! Plot! I don't prefer dropping into the middle of a plot either. I wanna build it. Not it being "they're already interacting at this pivotal point" when that makes no sense to me. Memes are fun if people actually send them but I wanna plot, create and expand on universes. I also have a tendency to lose interest/push replies back if my rp partner NEVER talks or plots with me in ims. It shows a lack of interest to me personally.

long or short replies : LONG OR GO HOME! I try to write shorter stuff but I can't even. It's hard for me. I'm long winded. I'm wordy. The fact Landon talks/thinks too much doesn't help this lmaooo But no I do write a lot but no one is obligated to match my length. I just ask for more than a little paragrah or two if I write a shit ton cause it totally makes it difficult for me to reply and I take longer which makes the thread sit.

time to write : Pfff you assume I have a schedule. When I feel like my brain can cooperate? But a lot of times when I have gone on reply sprees it's between midnight and 3 am. The witching and devil's hours respectively on this FINE part horror blog! I'm a vampire what can I say? I can write anytime but my most productive hours have sprang up there.

are you like your muses : Heck to the no. I guess the only thing is Lan's love for pop culture/movies/horror but everything else? Nope. Nobody on the multi either. ahshf I would hope not cause there are some crazy criminals in that city lol

tagged by: the incomparable @mutatedangels ! <3 <3

tagging: @awalkoflife @clemencetaught @depictedmorada @dcymcres @fcllederage @interxstitial @itsalltoobeautiful @godccmplex @kndaoverit @queenxfthedxmned @lavishbylaw @laviexenrose @mxlevolence @magicmadnessx @packagecfgirlyevil @smolcuriouskitten @ixonmaiden @thewolfruns @technopathicredhead @txnnesseehoney @wintxrx @kit-just-kit @svchasimp @velvetnviolentviolets @waveofstars !! & everyone else I follow - the whole dash!

[riverstardis]

not in holby anymore:

oh this is the wizard of oz one skdjjfgj that opening’s so weird

charlie and duffy are treating a patient dressed as dorothy and then standing playing snog marry avoid and jacob tells them off for chatting SJDKFJJ duffy would snog louise, marry ethan, and avoid jacob

lmaoo charlie tells jacob he doesn’t have to go round shouting at everyone because of how bad the inspection report was and he bets him he can improve things in a different way and they come up with a plan

sdjkfkg jacob tells the nurses and noel the trust have come up with a new team building exercise where they have to work on their weaknesses and tells louise to “be kind”, noel to “engage your brain”, and david to “grow a pair” hmmm remind you of anything?

some people parking directly in front of a fire exit… there is no way this could end badly is there

lmao max and jez stole alicia’s tablet and posted on her social media and apparently her mum now thinks she’s a pregnant white supremacist💀💀💀

was this a special for a specific occasion or something???

ohh this scene with cal and ethan at their lockers!! with ethan looking at his dating profile and cal’s like “had any nibbles, nibbles?” skskkfkg

cal steals ethan’s phone to look but there’s no one there and ethan says he’s waiting for the right girl and cal says “come on there’s loads of talent on here” and starts looking through them

“oh look, that’s the fit f1 on keller” jasmine burrows. she was an actual holby character right? rather than someone they just made up? her name and face do ring a bell.

he keeps looking through them like “oh hang on- i’ve had her” and ethan’s like “unfortunately there isn’t a filter for girls my brother has slept with” SJDKFKF

cal starts editing his about me bit and ethan tries to protest but he’s like “trust me on this one bro, give it an hour… or two, and they’ll be ethan out the palm of your hand” THATS SO BAD😭😭😭

ethan tries to get his phone back but cal says he’ll hang on to it and leaves skdkfk

fun fact when i last rewatched this episode last year i posted a clip of that scene on twitter and RICHARD WINSOR QUOTE TWEETED IT ! he follows one of my mutuals and she’d rted it so i assume that’s how he saw it bc otherwise??? that was a wild day because on top of that i posted sahdor fanart on insta and both arin smethurst and milo clarke saw it, commented, and shared on their stories and milo followed me and then arin followed me the next day!! i was like what on earth is going on today?!?!

yup someone sets the fire alarm off and now people are getting crushed at that blocked exit

david being a hero jumping down from an upper floor to move the car!!

wait a second… a crush… like the wicked witch being crushed by a house?? i never realised that before😭😭

charlie going “somebody please pass me an oil can, i think she’s rusting up!” lmaooo. louise says why’s he acting weird skskfkjf just you wait louise

aw no one believes david that he jumped off a three story building

big mac mention!

sjdjjfjg there’s a drunk frequent flyer and neither ethan or cal want to take him but cal’s like “tell you what, you take him and you get your phone back” and ethan goes “that’s not how it works! … apparently it is” bc cal’s walked off already😭

charlie going “we don’t need you to be a cowardly lion, david. we need you to roar.” and then making him repeat it and making him roar and he does a massive roar in the middle of resus SJDKFKGKKG

david impressing jacob finally

cal gives ethan his phone back and he has 8 messages but only because cal changed his bio to say ‘easy going doctor💲💲💲 …looking for some fun. NSA’ 😭😭😭 also i think one of those messages is from the f1 on keller judging by the profile pic

aww his likes section lists literature and french films yep that sounds about right. also his age is 30 according to his profile which means this episode is not set when it aired because it aired on the 26th november when he would’ve still been 29.

he asks what nsa means right as alicia walks in and she answers “no strings attached. didn’t think that was your sort of thing?” and he’s like “no! it was cal’s idea. i’m certainly not looking for an… nsa”

she says there’s nothing wrong with a bit of online dating and asks to see and he gives her his phone and she rewrites his bio “keep it brief but meaningful. who’s that physicist that you like again?” and ethan looks a bit shocked but goes to answer but she remembers so they say it at the same time and then she types out a full quote/poem by his favourite physicist FROM MEMORY and then smiles at him and cal is just completely oblivious… mate your brother and your girlfriend are having an emotional affair right in front of your eyes WAKE UP MAN

anyways scibblesssss🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

and here we see ethan falling in love😭 in s33 he tells alicia that that was his favourite quote and this was the moment he realised he “loved being around [her]”🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 actually after this i may go screen record those two moments and post them side by side because THEYRE SO CUTE

lmaooo louise david and noel are all remarking on how well they did to jacob and then louise mentions the name of the person in HR who supposedly came up with the team building exercise and david recognises it as the name of dorothy’s uncle and that makes them all realise it’s a stitch up SKDKKFKGKG

loll the flashbacks to earlier with charlie betting jacob he can get better results out of people only using the wizard of oz references than shouting at them

then another flashback showing that duffy promised to buy charlie breakfast if he could stop jacob shouting at everyone sjskdkkf and now jacob’s just as mad as the others

this is such a wild episode, who came up with the idea of doing a wizard of oz based episode like?????

[wendytestabrat]

KYLE HAS A VICTIM MENTALITY. PERIOD.

i don’t feel bad for kyle one bit bc literally 98% of the problems he gets himself into are HIS fault. if u look at nearly every cartman vs kyle episode you’ll notice kyle wouldn’t have gotten himself into that situation with cartman or whatever if he hadn’t been purposely trying to start shit with him. tonsil trouble? kyle started the fight to begin with by laughing at cartman for having aids. imaginationland? kyle was the one who signed a fucking legally binding contract that he had to suck cartman’s balls. le petit tourette? kyle was the one who was going out of his way to try to prove that cartman doesn’t have tourettes, if kyle would’ve just stayed out of it cartman wouldn’t have made all those anti-semitic comments and have decided to go on dateline just to get back at kyle. AND MANY MORE EXAMPLES. it just baffles me the fact that if kyle hates cartman so much then why tf does he spend so much time with him when he can literally be friends with anyone else? i’m so tired of people feeling bad for kyle when he literally does NOTHING to change his circumstances and it’s like he purposely wants to get into beef with cartman all the time. kyle can make the decision to walk away from his friendship with cartman at any time. it’s like that scene from “pandemic” when craig was on that adventure with the four boys and he was like “i’m choosing not to be apart of this anymore” and kyle was like “how do you do that?” and craig was like “like this” and just walks away from the boys LMAOOOO also the argument that kyle is only friends with cartman bc they have mutual friends like stan & kenny is just BS bc then why does kyle instantly go running to cartman whenever he gets into a fight with stan? he could literally choose any other kid to hang out with. also something we literally never see is kyle going to his parents for help when cartman is like bugging him or some shit. like it’s weird how gerald and sheila just assumes they’re good friends bc kyle never talks about it LMAOOO. that’s bc kyle doesn’t actually wanna do anything abt it, like i’m sure it kyle went to gerald & sheila and told them that some kid was picking on him and making anti-semitic comments towards him and the rest of the family they probably would not put up with that, i mean especially sheila she would be pissed and might wanna get cartman arrested or send kyle to a new school. BUT HE LITERALLY NEVER DOES THAT. YOU KNOW WHY? BC KYLE LIKES JUST WHINING AND PLAYING THE VICTIM AND LETTING CARTMAN SHIT ALL OVER HIM WHILE DOING NOTHING ABT IT BC HE’S CRAZY LOL i’m so tired of people who act like kyle is this poor helpless victim and that cartman & kyle actually do hate each other and don’t consider each other friends, that makes 0 sense like why would u hang around someone all the time that you don’t like. this is why i love craig bc he’s rlly one of the only truly sane characters on the show, like he genuinely can’t stand the boys so that’s why he won’t go anywhere near them LMAOOO he knows how crazy they are. if kyle was rlly as smart and sensible as he claims he would do what craig does, like he constantly preaches abt how awful and crazy cartman is, so JUST STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH HIM IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

[swaggypsyduck]

hi swaggy! :)

ok apparently this is the first season of major league baseball where they’re implementing the “pitch clock” which is supposed to make the games slower lmaoo😭 so from 3hrs 15mins on avg in previous years to 2hrs 45mins avg rn

but every time they switch which team is in the field or swap out pitchers it’s a good 2-5 minute break so that’s when i was watching ted lasso lmaoo

but i’m on the finale of season two and my goal is to catch up to the episodes of s3 that r on the illegal site im watching it from before passover starts tonight and it’s no technology till saturday night lmaoo

i love that shabbat and jewish holidays force me to not use technology and take a break but three days in a row can b a bit much tbh djdbsb also i have to help my mom run the little kids activities during prayer so the kids don’t annoy their parents and usually we don’t do it during holidays only on shabbat but this year we’re supposed to do it during the holiday??? which means i have to b up and dressed and at the synagogue at 10am for the next three days and i don’t have candy to give them this week so i’m kinda fucked but that’s ok lmaooo

-american anon :)

AMERICAN NONNY!! HELLO!! sorry this took so long to answer i wanted to give u a proper reply!!

wait so u mean the average game was longer than 3 hours... and its been SHORTENED to 2 hours 45mins... thats still longer than a world cup match w extra time... holy crap. WHY??? maybe it's bc we didn't play properly in phys ed but it never felt like thaaaaaat long of a game uk??

HFMSKDK UR ALREADY PAST ME IN EPS SO DONT SPOIL NUTHIN!!

i had jewish friends growing up and i remember we couldn't plan anything w them on saturday bc its the day of rest, thats the shabbat right? but they always came w this super tasty bread on monday which i never learned the name of bc i took for granted all the times they brought it for me and now i cant find it anywhere anymore 😭😭.

uk it sucks that atrocities are committed and religion is used as an excuse bc so much of it is about community and coming together, even if it means babysitting lil kids lol. ex. at my mosque girls who aren't praying taraweeh will volunteer to do the same w kids so that they dont bother the rest of the ppl who r praying. and even then we have a different section for mothers who have younger kids so that it's all contained in one space. it gives u a sense of belonging and togetherness uk??

also i looked this up bc i didn't want to seem ignorant but i got conflicting answers online so here's me asking u my lovely jewish american nonny: if u cant use technology (which i assume is anything electrical/gas operated) do u have special ovens and stoves to cook with (ex. wooden)? but i guess not everything needs to be cooked. or maybe it's all done before hand and stored?

1-3 days w out technology sounds nice. itd be like a heavenly mandated break from the source of all my anxieties lol. i wish u luck in dealing w the children 🫡🫡 ik first hand how tiring that gets.

[dreamhot]

That anon was so funny like George was hanging out with models and still trying to get Dream’s attention on twitter why would you assume they’re not talking???

i need people to stop doomposting about the actual friendships like it's so strange every time 😭😭 we can goof around and miss them and want their public interactions back but a bit of silence doesn't mean anything weird ... tbt dream ripping on that youtube comment speculating that him and george had a falling out and that's why they weren't in videos together anymore LMAOOO

[rsmrymnt-tea]

hi love! i have a question for you…..where did you come up with the name Dolasach? what does her name mean? also i would like to know what you think maybe her and my self inserts relationship would be like? i hope you’re having a good evening mwah 💗

-@barbabetos

Gray!!! So nice to see you!! You've been popping into my mind throughout the day tbh >w< How are you? How have you been? :0 I hope your day's been nice to you!

As for Dolasach... I got her name from a character I play as in Guild Wars 2 who's a sentient plant person, hence the constant theming of florals and plants as a sort of homage to her origins :3

But like I also had to come up with the name of that original Dolasach dfkgfh and because I'm weird about my characters fitting in within the game world, I followed the naming conventions for that species when I came up with the name; which is that all the names they have are taken from/inspired by Irish and Gaelic words/names. And since the original Dolasach is a necromancer, I thought up a bunch of words related to death/grieving and just looked up the Irish or Gaelic translation of them, and eventually I landed on this:

from 'An Irish-English Dictionary' by Edward O'Reilly. It's also why I say Dola's probably of Irish heritage, it's just that I don't know much about Irish culture (yet) so I can't lean into it >.> My main cop-out is that she doesn't live in anywhere near Ireland anymore lmao but once I'm free I really wanna look into Irish culture more

I went through a bunch of other names before landing on Dolasach for my Obey Me MC though. I remember trying out Sybil, Mairsinna, and Graineann (all also names of my other characters hsdjk) but 'Dolasach' was the only one that felt right to me when held up next to everyone else's names. Haven't settled on a surname for her >.> (Also been toying with the idea that her birth name is something completely different but she just prefers going by her art alias? Mostly because I can't fucking find/think of a surname that sounds right with her name >.> And also because I think it'd be funny if everyone except Lucifer didn't know that that's not her real name lol)

Anyway anyway!! The fun part!! Thinking about her with your self insert!!! <3

Assuming they meet when Dola's already landed somewhere healthy and well-adjusted in her life (perhaps when she's immortal and somehow finds herself hopping realities?) I think they'd get along pretty fine tbh! I am imagining a situation where they're somewhere in the human world and none of the others know that they know each other but Gray and Dola know that they're both essentially the other human exchange student, just to set the scene >w< tho idk how relevant it is, I just feel the need to lmao

So like, I am looking at your info post for Gray and I think there's plenty in common but also plenty of stuff where they won't see eye to eye?

But first I wanna say, seeing those two next to each other would be exactly this hsdfghdf lmaooo their styles are so different it's funny 😭

But okay on a serious note, I think they'd get along and have fun talking about whatever hobbies they have in common, and also not in common because I think they'd have fun learning about the Thing they haven't tried. My mind goes to them talking about fashion, makeup, self care, and also just the general things they do when they're working??? Idk why but I feel like the discussion would go to serious stuff like work habits and then them talking about their feelings when they have to stop and how they cope. Dola would definitely get into a spiel about not burning yourself out in an effort to take care of others, especially if its the brothers lmao "they're big boys, they can take care of themselves" or something to that effect lmaooo

Tbh I can see them talk about pretty much anything and they'd find a way to have pleasant discussion. Just going off of what I know about ENFPs, the conversation could go from like, lighthearted to something more serious/deep without too much challenge too? Though Dola would still somehow not get too personal? Like she'll never relate anything to a personal experience (Gray will just have to assume that Dola went through something similar) or willingly say anything too revealing.

Which is why even though they're both in relationships with Satan, she's never going to offer much information about her relationship with her Satan? >.>;; Sorry if you were hoping for fun discussion about their sex lives shjkgdfg Dola only talks to Asmo about it and even then it's like... rare and very awkward for her sdhjkf

Another thing that Dola would prefer not to talk about is children and the thought of raising families? She's not really fond of kids and the thought of her ever having children squicks her out like crazy. So if the conversation ever goes there she'll try to steer the conversation to literally anything else.

However! I think if Gray wanted to discuss immortality with Dola, that's when Dola would willingly open up a bit and thorough in answering questions, vague only where she thinks it's unnecessary to go into full detail. Dola would get that it's a huge, huge deal to Gray and would do her best to give her some sort of clarity on what she wants for herself.

Ajksdfhsdfg Suddenly thought about them going shopping together?? Like the difference in taste seems like it would make shopping so fun and interesting because I can see them finding something they thing the other would like then showing it them >w< Also thinking about Gray trying to get Dola to at least try on some shorts and shorter skirts for fun? And Dola would give it a shot at least and maybe get a few to wear at the beach or something >.< However any tops that show skin are fine and will likely be bought and worn in the summer

OH??? Dola making and gifting Gray clothes tho????? I see it!! I think she'd have fun making something that's in a completely different style from what she usually makes for herself :3 Anything she makes will still have that ~Dola Touch~ but she's careful to make sure it suits Gray's tastes

Overall I think it would be a pretty pleasant relationship? I think since the stuff Dola wouldn't really get or agree with are all matters of personal taste and differences in reality (like literally), Dola would just agree to disagree instead of trying to debate (especially the bit where Gray loves Barbatos lmao).

I think they can get close over time if they meet often enough? But the problem would be that Dola's social battery is even worse than Levi's so between Gray and everyone else Dola spends time with, idk if they could hang out that often >.<

I also have thoughts if the situation were like... If Dola were something like a character in Gray's canon instead of an MC from a different one but this is getting very long >.>

@barbabetos

[inaworldlikethis52]

I’m sure he just had a stressful day at work and then finding out we didn’t sell much of his stuff but dude don’t get mad at me???

I never said I’d help you sell anything and you never asked. Maybe we should just stop assuming.

And then him getting mad at me for the food??? Like what. I got him his food and I took one piece for myself that I didn’t even want anymore after that.

And he talked shit on his friends moms cooking.

Like dude. Can you just appreciate???? Why you acting so ungrateful.

And I literally packed alllll your shit. I didn’t have to do that. Like honestly.

And come to find out lmao you told Trevor to either stop messaging me or block me bc you thought I was spying lmaooo like no??? First of all your boy was trying to add me on fb before I even knew of him.

What I ( think) happened with that is you told Trevor about me and how I got mad you were trying to add my friend on fb and I called you out. You were prob trying to test me lmao but think was after you left last year. And all just a guess.

And second I added him bc I was trying to plan something for y’all’s birthdays lmao nothing serious. And me and you weren’t even official. And we still aren’t. So you jealous for what??

You got something to hide?? Like what?

Obviously I know something is off about him. Idk why I still continue this.

[sukirichi]

— out of reach | gojo x reader

request: Girllllll I just read your jealous gojo fic and my heart went 📈📈📈📈💥💥💥 youre now one of my fav writers 🙏🧎‍♀️And the spicy parts 😫😫😫 💖 If your asks are still open, could I please request a fic where GOJO has a size kink 🥺🥺🥺 my 5’1 ass is obsessed with that shizzzz 

pov: you’re gojo’s childhood friend and roommate – which leads to utter chaos – or perhaps utter bliss?

warnings: size kink, lots of teasing, lots of cursing, dirty talk, choking (probably not in the way you think), body worship, lots of size difference scenes, slight manhandling, overstimulation, thigh fucking, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (don’t do this irl guys) + unedited fic :D

notes: idk what happened here LMAOOO but i loved writing this one because i’m short as hell too lol. thanks for this request anon, i hope you like it! <3

word count: 10.5k

masterlist ! 

If you’re going to be honest, having Gojo as a roommate is something completely unexpected.

Not only are you two from entirely different worlds – him as a jujutsu sorcerer and you as an average human who can’t see curses – but he’s also just someone who is entirely out of your league. He’s respected and looked up to in his field of work, while half of your co-workers don’t even know your name, much less notice you in function parties where you mostly just nibble on sushi before calling it a day and turning back home.

You and Gojo met in elementary school. You could tell from the way he’s surrounded by servants and stern looking adults, firm hands on his small shoulders, that he was different from everyone else.

Apparently, he comes from one of the three big clans in the jujutsu world or whatever. You honestly don’t care about any of that, because Gojo refuses to act maturely about his role in the clan. You still remember how quiet he was on the first day of school, never smiling and keeping to himself despite your persuasion to eat lunch with him or play with him after school in the courtyard.

You miss that Gojo Satoru – the quiet, serious kid who was far too gentle in his actions yet firm in his words and beliefs. When you were still a little girl, you admired how he seemed older than his age, a wistful look in those azure blue eyes of his that you’ve always loved.

To you, Gojo Satoru was your hero. You’ve always been one of the shortest kids in class, and it didn’t help that you really loved pigtails all the way until middle school that made you an easy target from immature people who’s being hit way too fast by puberty and growing each passing day. You never minded your short stature because really, it’s just height, but you couldn’t ignore how your confidence dwindled each day when they called you several array of nicknames.

Too shy to fight back, you’d laugh it off or force a smile.

Gojo wasn’t having any of it. He’d break his silence and immediately pull you to his side (which only made things worse because Gojo was one of the tallest kids in class, further emphasizing how small you are right next to him) before threatening to smack the kids right in the face.

The threat should be enough to land him detention, but because he’s Gojo Satoru, the golden kid everyone loved, they took his word seriously.

At the age of eleven, you started seeing your best friend as your knight in shining armour. Gojo basked in this, growing protective and always glaring at whoever snickered when you walked past them. Sometimes he even bared his teeth to hiss at them, which was honestly so ridiculous now that you think about, though the message – the threat – always came across loud and clear.

So yeah, you love Gojo, you still do.

Years flew by and the two of you grew apart due to work and also as a part of growing up. You still kept in contact, messaging each other once a month to ask the other how they’re doing. His work kept him extremely busy though, and Gojo didn’t want you involved in the dangers of what he’s doing, so he makes sure to keep a safe distance.

Until six months ago, you hear a banging on your door. You’re just about ready to throw hands because your former roommate moved out to live with her stoner boyfriend, leaving you to shoulder all the bills and responsibilities of maintaining a two man apartment.

A sneer forms on your lips as you swing the door open, a scowl already on your face. You assumed it was your roommate who returned to get the pair of lace panties they left in their room, but instead, your childhood friend stands before you, taller (seriously, how has he not stopped growing?) and definitely a lot hotter than the last time you saw him.

One thing leads to another, and now it feels like there was never such distance between the two of you with how easily you both fell back into a comfortable – yet chaotic – rhythm and routine of being each other’s roommate.

Not that you mind, of course. Gojo’s definitely changed a lot from when you were kids. He’s no longer that stiff or sensitive when it comes to others. In fact, it seems like he loosens up a lot more with age, because you can barely recognize the man living under the same roof with you now.

For one thing, Gojo is loud. Like really talkative, won’t shut the fuck up and speaks like he’s in a screaming contest with someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re taking an important phone call or sleepwalking at three in the morning to pee, Gojo is always creating some sort of ruckus.

You’d never admit it out loud, but you loved it. You love him.

He’s definitely a lot more enthusiastic and fun to be with now that both of you have grown up, or in Gojo’s case, simply aged. His maturity reversed backwards because it feels like you’re taking care of a little kid.

Not only does his body clock is practically non-existent, he’s also horrible when it comes to taking care of himself and being punctual with work.

Fortunately for him, you love him, and you both leave for work at the same time. You always wake up earlier to prepare breakfast so you’d both have energy to start the day – although you highly doubt there’s really anything that depletes his endless source of one.

Sleepily walking through the kitchen with your fist rubbing at your eyes, you rummage through the refrigerator for some eggs when you realize there’s none.

Huh, you think to yourself, scratching your scalp. You’re sure that Gojo went grocery shopping last week since it’s his chore to do the outside stuff like buying groceries and throwing thrash, so where did it go?

You open shelf by shelf, checking each corner and shoving cans aside to look for the tray. With a glare, you stand on your tiptoes to pull the pantry open, only to have your mouth fall aghast because it’s all there – right at the back where you can’t reach it!

Fucking Satoru, you grit your teeth while heaving your body up onto the counter. It’s a struggle because not only are your muscles still half asleep, but because the shelf is right in your face, and if you’re not careful enough, you could hit it right with your face and fall over. Of fucking course you know Satoru did this to make fun of you – and now you retract your statement over your best friend.

It’s all a lie.

He’s a pain in the ass. Why do you even bother cooking for him and letting him live literally just a room away when you know he won’t stop pulling shit like this?

Because, the nagging voice in your head tries to mock, he’s your best friend and you can’t really say no to him. This makes you huff as you carefully pull the tray towards you, hooking two fingers at the edge while your other palm grips at the end of the counter for support. No thanks to your short limbs, you’re practically hogging the shelf by now in an attempt to reach it. You look ridiculous, that’s for sure, and you make a mental note to keep Satoru’s windows open tonight so he freezes to death –

“Aw, cupcake,” a sing-song voice emerges from the other side of the room. “You look so adorable. You should’ve woke me up if you need my help.”

“Fuck off, Satoru,” you flip him off. The man only laughs, the rambunctious sound echoing off the walls. It’s way too early in the morning and he’s already so damn loud; something builds up at the back of your head out of frustration already. His grin only gets wider when you finally got the eggs and clutch it your chest, setting it down on the counter while wiping your sweat away from your face. “Freeloader,” you mutter under your breath, ignoring him when he happily skips over to you.

“Ouch,” he places a palm over his chest, although you both know he’s never really affected by anything. “So what’s for breakfast today? You?”

“You know, I can kick you out anytime I want. I’m being extremely nice even going as far to cook you breakfast before you leave for work, so don’t test my patience.”

“Exactly, my best friend is so kind,” Satoru grows the audacity to rest his arm on your head. This triggers a reflexive response from you; shoulders tensing up and hands curling into fists beside you. “I would totally date her if she wasn’t such a temperamental little devil,” you nearly stab him with a fork with his statement, which he thinks he’s being so sly for but you heard it, and you’re most definitely not pleased with it. “Okay, I’m kidding! I’m going to go shower now!”

You roll your eyes at him and heat the pan over with some oil, muttering under your breath that you’re really going to kick him out soon. As if things couldn’t get worse – as if Satoru couldn’t get any worse – he smacks your backside in the process before darting to the showers.

“Gojo Satoru!”

“Morning, best friend, love ya!”

You were right. He is a pain in the ass.

“You don’t always have to walk me to work.”

“I know.”

“So why’re you still here? I’m not a little kid anymore,” Contrary to your words, you stick closer to Satoru when the morning rush of workers and students begin to crowd the streets. Your best friend notices this with a small smile, his hand resting on the small of your back. “Don’t even try, Satoru.”

“I wasn’t saying anything.”

“I know that look on your face,” you fiddle with the buttons of your uniform, sighing when Satoru follows you inside the bus after tapping your phone for two seats. It’s not a surprise to you anymore that most of your expenses are spent by him, for him, and he lazily sprawls his long limbs across the seat before you pulling you down right next to him.

As much as you hate this man, especially because he smirks at the attention he’s receiving from women – even men – in the bus, you have to admit he’s warm and smells damn good. You bite the inside of your cheeks, looking around in slight self-consciousness before inching a little closer, just to feel his warmth. He’s comforting – irrationally so – so you set your bag between the both of you to keep your sanity. “If you keep doing this, Principal Yaga might fire your ass because you’re never on time.”

“Trust me, cupcake, he won’t. I’m too valuable for that.”

How you saw that coming – you can’t tell anymore. The bus ride is relatively quiet and eventless, with you dozing off every now and then because you’re never a morning person. Thankfully, Satoru is more respectful this time around, lolling your head until it drops to his shoulder. After that, he snakes his arm around your waist before resting it on your thigh as a way to say you don’t have to head bang every damn second and just sleep.

On any other occasion, you would’ve hated it. You always look so small whenever you’re in Satoru’s presence. It doesn’t help that he’s long and lanky, either, his slender fingers effortlessly caressing your thigh while almost your entire body is flushed next to him. But right now, he’s too warm, too soft, and you’re too tired that for just a little bit, you allow yourself to relax.

A beeping wakes you up a moment later. Opening your eyes, you push yourself off Satoru when you see an old lady reaching for the handles. No one gave up their seats for her even as the bus driver asked her to find a seat lest she’d fall.

“Grandma, here, take my seat—” You’re about to stand up and offer it to her when Satoru tugs you by the wrist. Because of your small, wobbly composure, pulling you to him takes little to no effort. You end up on his lap, sitting on him as if you’re nothing but a small, dainty schoolbag. Satoru is clearly enjoying this because you feel him breathily laugh on the back of your neck, charming – annoyingly so – as he gestures to the now empty spot beside him.

“It’s no worries, Grandma. She’ll be fine,” he gestures to you, patting your head like you’re some puppy. “Please, take a seat. The bus is already moving.”

“Satoru, get off me,” You wriggle yourself from his hold, which only ends up in wasted effort because this big oaf doesn’t even budge. He even bounces you on one of his thighs, and you dig your nails into his arms as a silent plead for him to stop. He ignores this, ignores your small whines and the apparent embarrassment that has you debating whether to punch him or hide yourself in the safety of his uniform.

“She’s a feisty little one, isn’t she?”

The old lady watches the two of you banter, giggling behind her wrinkled hands. “You’re an adorable couple.”

“I think so too!”

“You’re so going to pay for this, Satoru,” you grumble, face planted onto your palms. This is it – the worst day of your life. It’s even worse because despite your protests, you have to admit his lap is actually comfortable. You’ve already known this before after countless times of cuddling with Satoru during movie nights, but its different when you’re both out in public. It feels...oddly intimate and maybe even romantic when he rubs soothing circles at your back, almost as if apologizing for this event. Most of all, you just hate the way something pools beneath your stomach at having him so close to you like this. “This is so embarrassing. I’m practically crushing you with my weight.”

“Please, cupcake, you barely weigh anything. I could easily lift you off with just my finger,” when you elbow him in the chest, Satoru only laughs, raising both hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop teasing.”

You give up. No one seems to be paying much attention to any of you anyway, so you sigh, letting yourself hide in the crook of his neck as you watch the city pass through the windows. Your body moves as his chest rises and falls from his breathing, the movement oddly comforting. It’s embarrassing – it really is – but at least the grandma was comfortable until Satoru drops you off near your building.

“You don’t have to walk me all the way there.”

“Why not? You don’t want people to see us together or something?”

“No,” you stare at him from the corner of your eye. It’s no secret Satoru is attractive. This bastard knows it too, judging from the way he confidently and arrogantly swaggers next to you, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he walked with no care in the world. “My co-workers keep asking me for your number every time I tell them we’re not dating. It’s getting annoying at this point how they go Satoru this and Satoru that.”

“Am I hearing it right? Is cupcake jealous?”

“I’m not jealous, I’m disgusted,” you correct, “They don’t know how much of a pain you are to have around. They’re so focused with your looks that they completely overlook the fact you can’t even wash your dirty underwear!”

Satoru frowns at this, pointing his finger to you as if you’ve accused him of a huge crime. “Hey, I wash my underwear.”

“Yeah and last time you did, you mixed it with whites! My work uniform turned a stupid shade of blue! Now I can’t picture the colour of your boxers out of my head and it’s giving me a headache!”

“Wow, Y/N,” the smirk on his face and the sudden drop of nicknames lets you know you’ve said something wrong. Even behind his blindfold, you could tell his eyes are just sparkling with amusement. He’s enjoying this way too much. “I never thought you’d ever picture my boxers. I mean, I don’t mind showing it to you if you ask nicely—”

“Ugh, you’re so hopeless. I’m going to work.”

Gojo laughs when you jog away from him. He catches up with you in a matter of seconds, only having to take a few steps forward before he’s right beside you again. You’re unsure if you should be annoyed it’s so easy for him to always be right next to you, and how he almost always is right next to you while you prefer running away. It muddles with your heart and mind so much you pinch the bridge of your nose, trying not to be swayed by the sickeningly sweet sound of his laughter. “I can’t pick you up later, okay? I might work overtime!” (that’s a lie since Gojo prefers shopping and sightseeing)

Both of you know that’s a lie. Gojo never works overtime. He’s going to work for a few hours and so and call playing around with his students as “on-hand learning” before he goes shopping for stupid souvenirs and wild-flavoured mochis, then end his day by sightseeing and coming back home.

“Wasn’t expecting you to,” you mumble, waving goodbye to him as the office doors close. Slowly, Satoru’s grin and enthusiastic farewell fades into view until nothing but the pale, silver walls of your office greets you.

Funny how you claim to hate this man so much, yet the moment he’s out of sight, everything becomes dull and pointless.

It’s an absolutely shitty day. Your equally shitty boss blames you for something you didn’t even do, all because his incompetent secretary – who you’re sure he’s sleeping with – lost this month’s report and claimed she handed it to you last week when you’re not involved in that kind of work. Logic doesn’t come by them because your boss publicly humiliates and scolds you, calling you all kinds of names until tears are streaming down your face.

You slam the door shut the moment you get home, kicking your shoes off as you head straight to your room. You don’t bother taking your makeup off anymore as you change into a loose shirt and floral cotton shirts, padding to the kitchen after seeing Satoru is well nestled into the couch.

At least someone’s had a good day.

Seeing as the sink is empty, he probably hasn’t eaten dinner. This makes you sigh, because when will he ever learn to look after himself? He’s literally like a child.

Satoru pauses whatever he’s watching before he hovers over you, head tilted to the side as he gazes at you with curiosity. You ignore him and begin to set down some bowls and chopsticks for dinner, all the while Satoru is studying every inch of your tightly pulled face. “Bad day?” he concludes.

“Hmm.”

“Bad day it is then,” he nods to himself. “I can cook dinner, if you want.”

“And have you burn my apartment? No thanks,” you scoff, pushing him aside to retrieve the pans when you see that he’s placed them above again, even after you’ve reminded countless times to just leave it near the holders in the sink. “Ugh, why do you keep putting the pans in this shelf? You know I can’t reach this. I’ve had enough with you pulling pranks on me, and don’t think I’ve forgotten you placed my shampoo above the shower head today, you idiot,” you snarl and hop over the counter again to get the pans, trying your best to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall. “You’re really bothersome, you know that?”

“Then why don’t you kick me out?” he challenges, completely oblivious to how you’re struggling – both physically and emotionally. “You always complain about me being a nuisance here, but you’re not really doing anything to keep me out.”

“Because where else would you go?”

“Technically, I have a room back at the Institute.”

“Yeah, but because you’re so stupid and reckless that you got kicked out of your own home,” you spat out, and you watch as Satoru raises a brow at your statement. Banter is common between the both of you, but something about the intensity of your gaze lets him know you’re serious this time around. “I don’t even know how Yuuji puts up with you. That poor Megumi is right when he says you’re insufferable. You’re good for nothing!”

Satoru scoffs, “Fine, if you hate me that much, why didn’t you just say so earlier? I could easily pack my bags and go since I’m just making everything harder—” Satoru doesn’t get to finish what he’s saying when your hand over the counter that acts as support slips under you, and you fall, legs bent awkwardly while you scream, preparing yourself for the impact. The pan is long forgotten, your only thought was oh my god, so this is how I die.

But it never came, and you keep your eyes shut tight even as warm hands cup your ass. Satoru is breathing hard under you. Finally gaining the courage to crack an eye open, your breath halts when you see that he’s sitting on the floor, with you safely nestled between him.

Satoru has always had pretty eyes, but it’s rare he takes off his blindfold off even when he’s home. This is one of those rare occurrences that he seems like a normal human, dressed in a gray sweatshirt that hands low from his collarbones and magnetic blue eyes staring right back at you. His touch is gentle, almost as if he’s afraid to hurt you, and his voice that is usually loud and teasing comes out breathy and hesitant.

“Are you okay?”

Your gaze drops down to his lips. He’s close, so close, that if you just lean a little closer you could – you snap out of your daze. “Get off me.”

“Cupcake, you’re the one who’s on top of me,” his voice falls an octave lower, eyes flitting down to your clothing – or rather the lack of it – before Satoru takes a deep breath. “Did you really have to wear that?”

“I have the right to wear whatever I want in the comfort of my own home.”

“I wasn’t complaining,” he raised a brow, this time completely in control of himself as he gazes back up at you with a burning gaze. You see nothing but the way one corner of his lips tilt up, almost teasing, and he looks so much like a shit-eater that you feel heat crawl down your spine.

You push yourself off him but your bent foot behind you slips, and you fall forward with your hands clutching his strong shoulders. Satoru catches your leg behind you, drags it forward until your knee is pressed in between one of your warmth, very much still enjoying the way you wriggle away from his hold. He knows his effect on you – but you deny this wholeheartedly.

“Careful, cupcake. This isn’t a slip and slide.”

“I hate you so much,” you bare your teeth at him, slapping his chest until he finally lets go of you. Turning your back to him, you pick up the pan and begin preparing your dinner, muttering curses under your breath as you heat up the stove. “I’m kicking you out tomorrow.”

“Why not now?”

“Eat your damn dinner first.”

Dinner after that is awkward. Although Gojo is someone who can wolf down his meal in three seconds, he takes his time in eating to start conversation with you. Sometimes he asks decent questions like how your day was or he’d talk about something stupid, but he’s quiet the whole time. He even volunteers to do the dishes before retreating to his room, coating the house in silence.

It almost feels like you’re all alone over again.

You’ve gotten so used to him being an utter mess everywhere that when he’s not trying to piss you off and actually giving you the much needed peace, you begin to hate it. Memories of the rude things you’ve said to him a while ago play and in your head, and you bang your head against the wall repeatedly.

How are you supposed to apologize to Satoru now?

The answer doesn’t come until you stare at your walls, wide awake at midnight. The house is still eerily silent and you don’t stop shuffling around your bed in discomfort. Many times, you wished that Satoru would shut up and leave you alone, but now that he’s actually done that, it feels weird. Uncomfortable. It feels wrong.

With a grunt, you kick off the sheets and carefully tread to his room, knocking lightly in case he’s already sleeping. “Satoru?” you call out, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. “Are you awake?”

You’ve seen Satoru angry as kids before, but what would he be like now? Would he still want to be your friend? Would he still annoy you by hiding your things somewhere you can’t reach? Or would he be the who is now out of reach? If he leaves...who’s going to walk you to work? Who’s going to complain he doesn’t want to do groceries but buys you things you don’t ask for but want anyway? Who’s going to keep teasing the living daylights out of you if not him?

All these thoughts claw at the back of your mind until your bottom lip trembles. You hate how weak you feel; how you’re never careful with your words.

You never meant it when you said all that.

Your train of thought is cut off when the door swings open, revealing an equally tired-looking Satoru. At the sight of you peering up at him with glossy eyes, he pushes the door wider and steps closer to you, his large hands cupping your face as he leans down in worry. “Cupcake,” his brows pinch together, “Did something happen? Is something wrong?”

“I just wanted to apologize for everything I said,” you blurt out, “I was just tired from work and my boss was being shitty, so I wasn’t totally myself that time and I’m really sorry I took my anger out on you. I didn’t mean it when I said you’re insufferable and that I’m kicking you out so – yeah,” you breathe out, trailing your gaze downwards to stare at your feet instead. It’s difficult to look him in the eye right now. When you finally gain courage to speak again, it barely comes out as a whimper, your hands delicately tugging at his shirt. “Please stay. I like having my best friend around here.”

Satoru doesn’t answer.

You’re about to look up at him just in case you’ve said something wrong, or worse, he refuses to forgive you, but then – “Yeah, I know you wouldn’t kick me out. You’re too much of a darling to say no to me.”

Sigh. Satoru laughs when he sees your shoulders deflate, absolutely shattered in exhaustion. Hiding your smile to now show him you’re relieved, you punch his chest that really feels like a fly had accidentally flew into him. “Way to ruin the mood, Satoru. And here I thought I could have a serious conversation with you for once.”

“Apology accepted,” he beams, tilting your chin upwards so you could look at him. Even in the darkness of his room, his eyes glow, leaving you hypnotized in its beauty. “Plus, I think I’m the one who should apologize. You’re right; I haven’t been the best roommate and I am a freeloader,” he scratches the side of his head in thought. “But I do buy you food all the time though.”

“Yeah, with my money,” you counter, but you don’t really care anymore at this point. You’re beyond elated you’re both fine now, and you shyly gesture to his big, warm bed that suddenly looks so comfortable. “Can I stay here for tonight?”

“You want Satoru’s bear hug?”

“Yes, I do.” There’s no hesitation in your words and you don’t complain anymore when he easily picks you up like a ragdoll using only one arm. He’s surprisingly gentle when he places you both down on the bed, sheets warm and soft as it blankets over you.

It would be perfect – except it’s so damn awkward.

Gojo’s long limbs are everywhere. Your face is pressed into his chest, both your legs tangled together. His arm is sprawled over the curve of your hip, his hand nearly grazing your ass that’s barely covered by the thin material of your shorts, but if he shifts, he’ll end up cupping the back of your thighs which is equally uncomfortable.

He seems to be stuck in the same position because you’re so small, and your knees are grazing his groin. Had he known you’re going to sleep with him, he would’ve worn underwear or even boxers under his sweatpants.

He’s never told you before, but he prefers to sleep in the nude. Satoru only picked up the nearest pair of pants when he heard you knock, and even then, he didn’t have the time to wear a shirt.

Your breath is hot on his skin and he’s so sensitive and aware of all your movements. Satoru clears his throat awkwardly, shifting until his arm lightly holds your back instead, but then he pulls away as if he’s touched fire when he’d unknowingly fiddled with your bra clasp instead. It’s so painfully awkward that Satoru chuckles above you, while you scrunch your nose, silently praying to the heavens above that he won’t hear how loud your heart is beating right now.

“Why is it so hot in your own room?”

“Maybe it’s time you get me an AC.”

“You wish, Satoru,” you mumble beneath him, making yourself as comfortable as you can with your cheek resting on his bicep. It’s not the softest pillow considering he’s pretty muscular, but he’s warm and smells like mint spice nevertheless. “You’re really not going to put on a shirt?”

Satoru sighs, a long and loud one that is extended for dramatic purposes. Suddenly, he pushes your knee off of him, grimacing and thanking the darkness that you can’t see how much he’s struggling right now. “Cupcake, this is hard for me as much as it is for you. You’re barely wearing anything.”

“Since when have you cared about what I wear?”

“I’m a man, Y/N,” is what he reasons with, “You’re lucky it’s me. Had it been someone else and you crawled into their bed wearing these—” Satoru pinches the waistband of your shorts, and you squeal in protest, only making him laugh afterwards before he lets it go and the material snaps back at your skin, “—poor excuse of what you call shorts, I can’t guarantee they’ll give you a peaceful night.”

You know exactly what he’s trying to hint at. Still, it’s hard to believe that Satoru is capable of seeing you that way.

It’s not that you feel you’re unattractive. You know you’re pretty and have been out on many dates, but it’s easy to feel that you’re not sexy when you have the height of a thirteen year old and you’ve been constantly chastised about it.

Satoru’s not-compliment compliment has your heart skipping a beat, and you scoff in response. “Shut up,” you warn lamely, “I want to sleep.”

“Then let’s sleep, cupcake.” You don’t know if it’s because you’re utterly exhausted that you doze off seconds later or if Satoru’s words just held power in them, but soon all thoughts of anything unwanted drifts out the window, his arms keeping you close, completely safe and sound until the worst nightmares couldn’t even come close.

Hot. It’s extremely hot.

You crack an eye open to try and find the source of this uncomfortable heat, but you freeze when you realize you can’t feel your muscles from the chin down. Panic rises in your throat once you see the current predicament you’re in, and a scream rips through your throat so loud that the birds outside scurry away in a flurry.

You’re wrapped in Satoru’s blanket and comforter, rendering you unable to move because of how he’d treated you like a burrito wrap. Even your toes are captured inside this hell, and only your head is able to wriggle side to side.

“Satoru!”

The culprit comes out of the shower a split second later, his hair dripping wet and only a towel hanging low from his lips. If you weren’t so hell-bent on killing him, you would’ve been speechless at the way water drips from his hair down to the curves of his abs, going down down down into a place only your darkest imaginations could take you.

Satoru bends over in laughter as he whips out his phone, jumping from angle to angle and side to side to take photos of you. “Fuck,” he howls, slapping his thigh while you snarl in an attempt to break free. “You’re a lot cuter than I thought you’d be.”

“Satoru! Get me out of here!”

“No, this is way too gold. I’m sending these to my students.”

“Satoru, I’m serious!” The devil incarnate himself falls deaf to your please.

Maybe it’s because the violent intent has coursed through your veins so strongly that a surge of energy and strength overcomes you, and soon, you’ve rolled out of the blanket. The fresh air nipping at your heated skin is most welcomed, but right now, you had a mission to fulfil: obliterate Gojo Satoru.

The platinum haired man is still laughing to himself, too distracted in scrolling through the best photos to send to his students that he doesn’t notice you escaping and zooming straight right at him.

The momentum is enough to catch him off guard until you end up on top of him, short arms clawing your way through to snatch his phone. Satoru yelps when his phone lands out into the living room and your hands come down to choke him. You don’t have plans to kill him, but you want to hurt him enough to remind him you’re not someone he can fuck with.

You’ve just about had enough of this man and you’re so sick of him!

Satoru yells out a “Hey!” when you let out a battle cry, using your legs to kick him back when he tries to sit up. Your plan backfires when your hands slip down his wet skin and you fall face forwards, hands barely touching the ground for support when your lips come crashing down on his.

He stills underneath you. It takes a moment for you to realize that holy shit, you’re kissing him and his lips are so soft that has you scrambling back, but Satoru doesn’t let you.

His large hand comes up at the back of your neck to pull you forward. The sudden movement makes you gasp, and Satoru slips his tongue inside when you do so. You no longer remember how you got here or try to make sense of what’s going on, because he feels so good, tastes so good that you bury your nails in his hair while he ravishes your mouth.

You’re so tiny that his hand cups your entire buttcheek almost possessively, a low growl emanating deep in his throat when your tongue eagerly intertwines with his. Satoru tastes like heaven and everything about the kiss is sloppy – tongue clashing with one another and teeth nibbling at the other’s lips. It’s clear both of you can’t get enough of one another as you moan in his mouth, shamelessly grinding on his crotch, suddenly thankful that you’re always wearing thin clothes when you feel him harden underneath you.

“Fuck, baby,” he pulls away to breathe, a string of saliva connecting the both of you. “Yeah, just like that,” There’s something empowering about the way he pants at your ministrations, especially when you roll your hips faster across his erection. “Keep going, baby, you’re doing – fuck – so well.”

You smirk at his praises, latching your teeth on his neck to suck marks on them. Satoru groans at the same time you muffle your moans through his skin, his hands sliding under your shirt to tug the cups of your bra down. You nearly lose it when he pinches your nipple, bolts of electricity running down your spine at the contact. A moan breaks through your lips just as you come right there and then, the wetness of your sudden orgasm barely hidden in your flimsy underwear.

“Feel good?” he teases and drags your shirt down to the other side, but the post-nut clarity hits. And when it does, it hits hard.

Fuck. You just came from Satoru’s simple touches, and he’s so unsatisfied, still painfully hard underneath you but nothing but panic and regret washes over you like a strong tidal wave. Suddenly, you grow lightheaded as you push yourself off him, fixing your bra while ignoring the confused and hurt look on his face.

“I gotta go to work,” you run out the room, feeling your body tremble as Satoru runs after you. “Make yourself breakfast. I’ll eat on the way out.”

“Y/N, wait!”

You know you’ve just ruined everything – that nothing will ever be the same after that – but you’re scared, utterly and remorsefully so, that you slam the door right in his face as if you don’t have any idea how much you broke him.

You’ll never forget the way Satoru’s face fell when you left.

Just as you thought, nothing is the same after that. The tension is so thick around the apartment you make an effort and go out of your way just to avoid him and the apartment completely.

It’s cowardly – you know this much – but do you ever try to fix the friendship you cherish but shattered completely? You don’t. You don’t because it only crashes down onto you now that maybe your feelings for him aren’t just platonic, after all. It’s even worse because you touch yourself at the thought of him filling you up when he’s asleep, all because you want him so bad and the mere presence of him has your brain malfunctioning.

It isn’t entirely sexual either. Yes, you want to fuck him badly, but it scares you down to the core even more because you want so much more than that.

Now you understand why you always say he’s a bother but never asked him to leave. It’s because you like him, actually romantically interested in him. It makes sense now why you always felt so annoyed whenever your co-workers asked for his number, or how you’re immediately pissed off when Satoru talks about this hot woman he saw at work. You always chalk it up to an excuse you just hate how he can’t keep in his pants, but it isn’t true at all.

It’s because you actually like him – and you’re at a loss on what to do or how to deal with it.

The next few days feels like hell. Satoru isn’t stupid; he knows you’re avoiding him. He stops teasing you eventually and even buys takeout all the time when you lock yourself up in your room right after work, refusing to cook dinner or even eat all so you’d be spared the torture of looking at him.

He’d knock at your door and ask you to eat, but other than that, he’s respected your distance.

You feel like the most terrible person on earth. You don’t miss the way dark circles line under his eyes or how he’s lost his spark, barely even speaking to you when you’ve come or about to leave for work.

You’re alone the whole ride, as well, and it only dawns on you how lonely you are when Satoru isn’t always annoying you all the time.

But it doesn’t make sense. Why is he so bothered by it? Didn’t he regret it? It’s painfully clear you’re not Satoru’s type. You’ve seen the women he dated before, and you’re not close to them so why does he seem like he’s struggling with this as well? Or maybe...he’s just sad that his friend is avoiding him.

Yeah, that has to be it.

Satoru is a man. He was probably turned on at that time, but after giving some thought about it, he probably wants to keep his distance too. He’d be insane if he ever actually wants to date you – his best friend out of all people – because he’s Gojo Satoru and he could literally have everyone else.

You don’t care that you’re a coward.

You don’t care that Satoru is sad to see you this way.

You don’t care because you know he’ll reject you, you know he’ll be weirded if you admit your feelings for him. To him, you’re like his little sister. There’s just no way you two would work out. For now, you have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. You just need some time to get over your feelings for him, and when you’re confident you won’t fall for him again, you’ll mend your friendship.

You just need time.

“So, Y/N, you still don’t want to give us your friend’s number?”

“Yeah, Y/N, you should share it,” your co-worker encourages by jabbing her shoulder to yours. It’s a lazy Friday night and the staff went out for dinner. You don’t usually come to these hangouts since dinner with Satoru is always much more fun, but he’s the last person you want to think about now, so you happily join them. Now, though, you’re starting to regret ever coming here. “If he’s really single like you said, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to ask for it.”

“Well, since you want it so badly, why don’t you ask him directly for it instead?” you snap, feeling anger begin to trickle. All you wanted was just one day where you don’t have to think of him, but of course they had to bring him up. It’s also annoying how they can never seem to get the message across that you don’t want them dating him. “Why do I have to be the messenger?”

“We haven’t seen him much. Doesn’t he always walk you to work?”

“He’s been busy with his job, that’s all.” And also because I’m avoiding him – so now he’s avoiding me too.

“He’s a teacher, right?”

“Oh, come on, guys, don’t be so dense,” your senpai chugged her drink rather loudly, catching the attention of your nosy co-workers who wouldn’t stop pestering you for his number. “Look at how uncomfortable she looks. It’s obvious she doesn’t want you guys to be involved with her friend for a reason. Think of how weird it is for her too if ever her co-worker and best friend dated. She’s going to feel like a third wheel.”

“I’m not—”

“That makes sense,” your co-worker nodded beside you, “Are you sure you just don’t like him though?”

“Ew, why would I?” the food began to taste bitter through your lies, “He may be tall and attractive, but as his roommate, I’ve seen his ugly side. Satoru is a complete slob and can’t even cook to save his life.”

“I don’t mind cooking for him all the time if I were to be his little housewife.”

“That’s never gonna happen,” your words came out harsher than it was, and you laugh it off with a wave of your hand when your co-workers’ eyes widened. “I’ve been living with him for six months and he’s never brought anyone home or told me he’s going on a date. I told you already, he’s a no strings attached kind of guy. He’s nothing but a one night stand.”

“You have to admit he’s still sexy though.”

Right. You hide your groan through another shot because there’s no way of convincing them otherwise. As much as you hate to admit, you’re actually jealous on how freely they could talk about him like that, but then again, it’s not like you and Satoru were dating – or would ever date, for that matter.

They start to leave one by one when it starts to get late, leaving only you who’s still desperate to avoid Satoru. Nothing prepares you for when the sky darkens and a storm comes pouring just as you’ve left the closing shop, the rain drenching and soaking your clothes through and through. Running under the nearest tree for shelter, you shiver. It’s cold – way too cold – and curse yourself for not bringing a darned umbrella.

The nearest bus stop is like what, fifteen to twenty minutes away? Your teeth are chattering and your legs are shaking, and you fumble through your phone as you dial a number you know by heart before you even realize what you’re doing. “S-Satoru?”

“Y/N,” the surprise is unmasked in his voice, something shuffling in the background before it falls silent. “Is everything okay?”

“Uhm, are you busy right now? It’s fine if you are, I’m just—”

“I’m training with Yuuji, but what is it?”

“Listen, I,” you inhale sharply when coldness bursts through your body, making you shiver and press yourself closer to tree to get away from the rain. Above you, thunder crackles before the rain grows heavier and angrier. “I forgot to bring an umbrella and I’m absolutely soaked right now. The nearest bus stop is fifteen minutes away and all the buildings here look so shady—”

“I’ll be on my way. Text me where you are,” You nod and thank him, too cold and numb to realize you’ve just broken days of silence. You lose track of time under there, hugging yourself until your lips turn blue. It doesn’t take long before Satoru shows up minutes later, his hair equally drenched and sticking flat to his eyes free from his blindfold while he pants, hand on his knees. “Thank goodness you’re safe. I rushed here so fast I forgot to bring an umbrella.”

After seeing Satoru drenched like that, something snaps within you. He doesn’t seem bothered by the fact the rain is unforgiving as it slaps the pavement, and your heart breaks when you see that he’s more concerned for you – even after you’ve given him the silent treatment. “You idiot! Now you’re soaking wet too, you’re going to get sick!”

“Highly unlikely,” he shrugs. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“But what about—” Satoru suddenly carries you before draping his coat over your head, running until he found a cab to hail. He immediately asks the driver to turn up the heater while you tremble on top of him, not caring anymore that you’re sticking so close to him for heat.

Satoru doesn’t let you go all the way inside the apartment. He sets you down on the couch where you take off your wet clothes in haste, too cold with teeth chattering that you silently take the hoodie and boxers Satoru offers you, making sure to keep his gaze averted the whole time. Once fully dressed, you snuggle back into the sofa’s comfort, stiffening when the couch dips beside you.

Not a moment later, Satoru towel-dries your hair, leaving your mouth and throat dry with guilt. Even after you’ve unnecessarily been a bitch to him, he’s still so kind with you.

“Thank you for coming.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Satoru...” you twiddle with your thumbs just as he starts to ruffle the towel in your hair, making sure to squeeze water out of the strands as he dries it. “About what happened the other day—”

“It didn’t happen if you don’t want it to,” his voice is cold’ monotonous and so emotionless you’re rendered speechless. “You can forget about it.”

“I...”

“You regret it, right?” he’s done with drying your hair, and he stands up to place the wet towels in the sink as you watch him stride all the way there. He’s changed his clothes too; looking comfortable in a plain white shirt and some grey sweatpants, looking every bit the domestic boyfriend you’ve always wanted but can never have. “It’s fine. We can forget about it and go back to normal,” to emphasize his point, Satoru winks at you, though it does nothing but make your heart sink.

“What if I don’t want to forget it?” your voice is small; hesitant and wavering with fear. “What if...the only reason I pulled away is because I wanted more of you?”

Satoru’s back freezes as he sets the towel aside. At this point, your heart is pulsing on your tongue, and you dig your nails onto your thighs when Satoru sits down next to you, right next to you. He’s silent the whole time; eyes calculatedly piercing through yours. Your breath hitches when his hands that are burning hot against your cold skin cups your jaw before his thumb runs across your lips, his eyes turning dark at your reactions.

“And what if I said I felt the same way?”

“I,” you gasp, closing your eyes because it all feels so surreal. “I like you, Satoru. I like you a lot and I��” he doesn’t let you finish. Soon, you find yourself in his lap with his hands cupping your cheeks while he smashes his lips onto yours.

Satoru is absolutely feral. He’s breathing hard and almost angry, even, with the way his teeth are biting down to nibble on your lips. You moan when he drags you closer, your clothed centre rubbing on his thigh with delicious friction. “You have no idea,” he rasps down on your lips, “how much I’ve fucking liked you ever since we were kids,” Satoru pushes his hoodie aside, revealing your sweet neck to him, and he doesn’t waste his time in sucking and abusing the poor flesh so he can mark you as his. “I’ve always wanted you, Y/N, it’s always you, always you.”

You fist his hoodie when Satoru sinks his teeth down into the juncture of your neck, his hands curious and exploring every inch of your body. He knows you’re naked underneath his clothes, but it’s a different thing when he actually feels your breasts right on his palm. Satoru tweaks the hardened bud in his fingers, growling when you moan at the contact and use his thigh to get off.

“You—” you gasp as you expose your neck to him, wild and needy as you keep rubbing your heat over his thigh. “—talk way too fucking much,” you scold, finally pushing his lips away from your neck. Satoru chuckles at your eagerness but you silence him by flinging his boxers off of your body and somewhere far away, exposing your heat slick with arousal right in front of him. His pupils blow in excitement, hands coming up to grab at your hips, but his attention is taken away when you nibble on his ear to whisper, “Shut up and fuck me.”

The simple command is enough to make his patience snap. In a flash, you’re pinned underneath him, whining and moaning when his finger meets no resistance as he slips it inside. “You’re that needy, huh?” he laughs even louder when you lose it, humping yourself on his finger because it’s not enough.

“Satoru,” you beg, clutching his bicep when he adds another finger in. “More.”

His fingers are so long, hitting places that your small ones could never reach. He begins to scissor his way in, his fingers deliciously rubbing against your velvety walls while pumping them inside and out in a speed that causes you to squelch around him.

It’s absolutely lewd how you’re eagerly spread out before him, but your head is clouded with lust, no longer hindered by shyness out of your need to cum. Your chest is rising heavily, his thumb now rubbing against your clit as he coaxes you to cum. “Tell me what you want, baby,” he kisses your cheeks, eyelids, nose, anywhere but your lips, his voice so gentle and innocent as if he’s not knuckle deep inside you. “Tell me how you want me.”

“Inside,” you whine, gasping when he brushes against a really sensitive spot that has you clamping down on him. “‘Toru, fuck, just fuck me.”

“Beg for it,” he smiles against your skin, relentless and harsh as he keeps pushing inside you. You feel him everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Another finger adds in until you’re dripping enough on his palm and staining the couch, but neither of you care. “I said, beg for it.”

“No,” you hold back, nearly crying out when he pulls your fingers out of you. That sudden emptiness is back again, but you don’t want to beg. You’ve never begged another man before, and this won’t be the first time you’ll be doing so either. You refuse to let him have the upper hand despite the crystal clear fact you’re already soaking wet for him, but because you’re stubborn, you only fumble with his sweatpants to spring his cock free.

He’s already dripping with pre-cum from the slit, his cock hard and angry. Despite his arousal, Satoru stops you from going further, using only one hand to trap both your wrists. “Beg for it,” he demands again, his other fist already pumping down on his shaft.

You nearly cry at the sight. Both of you are aware that Satoru is capable of pleasuring himself, but it’s not that easy for you. Your small, dainty fingers will never be parallel to the pleasure his long cock could give you. All you had to do was beg for it. He’s right there, within reach, if only you’d just –

Impatient for your answer, Satoru takes you by the hips and discards your hoodie in the process, sinking you down his cock, inch by delicious inch. You don’t hold back from the sensual and high-pitched moan that leaves your lips. He’s long, and the tip of his cock just about brushes your cervix when he bottoms out. He feels so good, so warm and huge and filling you up right where you want him to be. Your head falls down on his shoulder as you begin to roll your hips, but Satoru has had enough.

“Fuck, look at you,” he presses on the bulge of his cock visible through your abdomen. “You’re so fucking small – how do you take me so well? I could ruin you. Do you want that? Do you want me to ruin you?”

“Yes, yes, fuck.”

“You think you can just leave me hanging like that, huh?” he slaps your ass, eliciting another moan from you and making you clench around his cock. Satoru falters for a moment. Before you can react, he stands up, your legs wrapped around his waist with nothing but his tip hitting inside you. “You’ve been so fucking mean – leaving me wanting you like that and ignoring me for days. Do you think you deserve this, huh?” Satoru kicks his door open at the same time he loosens his hold around your ass, making you slide down his length the next second.

“Oh, fuck,” you cry out just as Satoru begins to bounce you, your breasts following the motion of him fucking deep into you. “Fuck, Toru, that’s too—”

He’s so eager to fuck you, to make a mess out of you and have you losing your mind over his cock that he doesn’t even wait until you’re both on the bed. You no longer register when your back hits the pillow, or how your arms are frozen when he pins it above your head.

“You’re so beautiful,” he praises as he watches you clench around him. You’re so small and his eyes zero in on the way your abdomen bulges then flattens again every time he pounds into you, rolling his hips in a way that has you screaming and thighs quaking. “Beautiful, beautiful, perfect,” the moment his hands grip at your hips to pin you down, you know he’s not going to stop. And you don’t want him to.

Satoru latches his lips around your right breast, gently grazing his teeth over it while his other hand pinches and rolls the pebbled nipple between his fingers. He feels so good – and you’re crying already by the time you wrap your legs around him to pull him closer.

The room is filled with the smell of sex, the sound of skin slapping against skin combined with his breathy grunts and your moans like heaven on his ears. Satoru wants you to feel how much he loves you – how much he adores you – and the pace he sets is torturous. He snaps his hips against yours and presses down on the bulge of his cock through your belly, chuckling when you tighten more around him.

Your head lols to the side, tears falling down your pretty face because of how rough he’s being. But you don’t complain, not when he’s filling you in so deep and he’s kissing you everywhere, touching you everywhere, making you feel nothing else and nobody else but him.

“You’re amazing,” he rasps, watching the way your tight cunt sucks him in greedily as if you don’t want him to go anywhere else. “You take me in so well – you really want me to destroy you, huh?”

“Satoru, please,” you finally plead, “I-I’m cumming, I want you, I need you, oh,” you squeal when he finally lets your arms free. You look so precious, so innocent, and he doesn’t let up his pace. He plants his feet into the ground and his strokes begin to grow sloppy, your tight walls encouraging him to go faster, go deeper.

If possible, Satoru is only even more fuelled with the way you look so precious and innocent in that moment. His touch is gentle in comparison to the way he’s mercilessly plowing into you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears streaming down your cheeks. He knows he’s too big for you, that much is obvious from how much you’re already overstimulated just by his size, but your nails sink down on the flesh of his ass as a silent plead for more.

“Fuuuuck, I’m so close!”

“Yeah?” He fondled your clit, loving the sight of your small body creaming down on his cock. “Come for me, sweet girl. I want to feel you coming on my cock. Come on, tell me you’re mine. You’re made me for aren’t you?”

“Yes, Satoru, fuck,” you squeal, throwing your head back for a second when he keeps hitting your g-spot that has you seeing stars. Your toes curl and your hands fist the sheets behind you as he keeps impaling you with his cock right then and there.

You looked perfect; so perfect to him that he’s basically using you for his own pleasure at this moment. Your orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, back arching and nipples brushing against his chest.

In that moment, you grow needy to have him even closer, tilting up to blindly search for his lips. Satoru complies; leaning down and leaving open mouthed breathy kisses that’s a mix of you moaning and crying around him, while he struggles to do so when he’s cursing at the feeling of you coating his cock with your juices. Satoru looks down at your tiny frame trapped in his arms, his voice husky as he groans once he saw both of your arousal absolutely leaking out of your wet cunt.

He’s so close but you’re already over the edge, scratching at his back at the overstimulation. You’re still so sensitive from when you came and Satoru doesn’t slow one down one bit. He loses his rhythm as his thrusts go sloppy, and Satoru buries his face in your neck as his cock twitches inside you until he bursts with his cum leaking out of your hole.

Satoru’s arms give out beneath you, his chest colliding with yours but not enough that he’s crushing you with his weight. You’re both breathing hard and panting, his dick softening inside you.

He pulls back a moment later to slide out his sensitive cock, wincing while he watches pools of cum gather in your pussy before it drips out. It isn’t until he’s witnessing the mess he’s made he realizes how you’ve been so good for him; taking him all the way in despite your quivering frame. It dawns on him now just how tiny you are when he pulls you close to him; you’re practically hanging off his chest with how small your body is.

He wonders how you’re able to fit all of him, but he’s grateful nevertheless. Satoru shows his appreciation by peppering kisses all over your face, his hand snaking down to caress your inner thighs.

“Hmm,” you moan into the kiss, jolting when his knuckles brush against your sensitive clit. “Satoru, no,” you whine while pushing his hand away, and he shushes you with another kiss. “’M too sensitive, please...”

“It’s fine, cupcake, it’s fine,” his nickname for you is back again, and you lean closer to him just as he begins to massage your sore legs. “You did so well for me, cupcake, you know that? You’re such a good girl for me,” too fucked out to have a comprehensive answer, you only nod in response, spreading your legs open again and ignoring the warm stickiness between your thighs as Satoru kneads your abused flesh. You feel him kiss your temple before he leaves to get a towel and cleans you up. Meanwhile, you’re so tired you’re about to doze out in his bed.

“Hey,” he soothes, bundling you up in his arms until you’re tucked in the safety of his body. So small, he coos inside his head, watching as you fold yourself even smaller while your eyes flutter. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you sigh into his shoulder, “I feel good. Thank you.”

Satoru doesn’t really know what you’re thanking him for. He feels like he’s the one who’s mostly indebted to you after everything you’ve done for him. You’ve already fallen asleep before he gets the chance to tell you how he feels, so Satoru only covers you both under his blanket, making sure there’s no more space between you out of fear you’ll distance yourself from him again.

But he doesn’t have to worry about that because you’re right next to him, and you’re never out of reach.

[shotorozu]

HI AIDHAIHDHAJD I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL RN BUT I SAW THIS POST ON TIKTOK AND- BQKDHQIHAHA ITS SO FUNNY IF IT’S OKAY TO YOU CAN YOU PLEASE DO THAT ONE FOR KAMINARI, BAKUGO AND SHOTO 😭😭

IT’S JUST SO??? BAHAHAHAH THANK YOU THOUGHT ILY🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

(https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSJRWVY2g/)

giving them boxers with your face on them

(tiktok trend)

character(s) : kaminari denki, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, crack (x reader)

note(s) : PLEASE I BURSTED INTO LAUGHTER WHEN I READ THE TITLE, AND IM NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO LAUGH THAT MUCH 💀💀

no proof read— wrote this at 12am so,, if there are any mistakes, i’ll fix them later!

»»————-　♡　————-«

kaminari denki

you saw a tiktok of someone giving their boyfriend a pair of boxers— but it had their face on it. so, you KNEW that you NEEDED to give this to denki.

beforehand, you asked his besties— sero and kirishima, to help you out on this tiktok. because,, if you asked someone else, it would’ve DEFINITELY been questioned (and obviously, they were willing to help)

but let’s be honest, when you told them what exactly you wanted to get done, they bursted into laughter 💀 and it took them 10 minutes to recover

it didn’t take long for you to receive the pair, and you also managed to conceal the pair of boxers with dark packaging. all that’s left is your boyfriend’s arrival

now— you’d think that denki would know about this new trend going around, but surprise! he doesn’t know 🗿

and even if he did know, i feel like he’d be caught off guard anyway— if you saw someone’s face on a piece of underwear, you would be surprised too

when you were setting up your phone (for the tiktok) that was when denki comes in, “hey Y/N! whatchu doing?”

“hi denki, look! i want you to open something i got you— and it’s custom made.” this sparks his interest no pun intended, and he hurries on to open it

and he is NOT DISAPPOINTED

he doesn’t even comment on the fact that your phone is out which he assumed was for tiktok and he bursts into uncontrollable laughter, practically snorting

“PLEEASEE WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR FACE ON A PAIR OF BOXERS? I WASN’T EXPECTING THIS—” and he really meant that.

after you finished filming the tiktok, denki basically SPRINTED to the bathroom, so that he could wear the boxers 💀 he has to cherish your gifts as soon as he received them, right?

he’ll talk about them once in a while, “remember the time that you gave me those boxers? plEASE it’s still funny.”

the tiktok does incredibly well, and heck— it even came to the point where the tiktok’s sound went viral 💀 gathering 11k videos under that sound

bakugou katsuki

the idea never crossed your mind— and the tiktok didn’t show up on your fyp. but it did show up on kaminari’s fyp

you’d be scared because one, he’d scold you for spending too much money on ‘stupid pair of boxers’ which you worded in katsuki’s words

and two— this is bakugou katsuki 🧍 pranks and trends like these don’t really work on him, and you’re also scared of angering him?? you value NOT dying in the hands of an angry bakugou katsuki, okay?

but i don’t think that should be your concern anyway, the fact that you even managed to tame katsuki— was enough

back to the topic, kaminari basically dared you to give katsuki that because “he’d appreciate anything from his dearest s/o, riiigght?” and he’s not wrong

so, you receive the custom made boxers in the mail (with your face SLAPPED on it’s front) and you make sure to repackage the boxers

so that the wrapping would conceal the boxers’ print— and so that the surprise would be a tad bit more effective.

when you were discreetly setting your phone up for the tiktok, that was also when katsuki came from his daily workout routine

he’s just like 🤨 when he sees you all excited— and when he also sees the package

“what are you all excited about?” he’ll ask after pecking your lips,“idiot?? don’t tell me yo—”

“no, no! it’s for you, this time!” you reassure him, “i promise it’s not anything funny!” too bad katsuki believes you

he walks over, and immediately tears the wrapping— “what the,,” when he opens the package, he is NOT pleased 🧍

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?? YOU’RE GIVING ME BOXERS WITH YOUR FACE ON THEM??”

you just laughed out loud, rolling onto the floor in pure laughter— and katsuki can only stare at the boxers in shock, “you’re gonna wear them, right?”

“no, fuck no.” he’s so done with your shit

“aww pleaseee? those were expensive, AND they were custom made.” he’s so disappointed wjdnsjs

“i—” he sighs, “you’re lucky that i love you. i would’ve chucked this.. thing in the trashcan.”

it’s,,, the thought that counts for sure! he’ll probably wear them once in every blue moon though.

kaminari watches the tiktok, and ends up having the biggest field day— on the brighter side! your wallet isn’t that empty anymore.

if you’re curious about the tiktok’s results, it does well— it’s almost scary, considering how the tiktok blew up FAST

todoroki shouto

pleaseeee 💀🖐

now,, shouto would’ve thought that you wanted to gift those boxers to him GENUINELY. like,, sincerely

not like a gag gift, but more like a “oh hey shouto! i saw these boxers while shopping, and i thought these would look great on you.”

and you’d also think that shouto would’ve gotten a lot more used to the social thing— in a way, he has.

but,, boxers with YOUR face on them??? that wasn’t in the run through, tf

you were shopping online for clothes, when you suddenly got the greatest idea to surprise your boyfriend with a pair of boxers—

that had your face on them 💀

you don’t actually mean to tease him, but you’re just really curious on how he’d react to seeing the boxers (and if he’d actually wear them)

you place your phone in a not so obvious area— but it was also high enough to capture his reaction. when you get the boxers, they actually came in black packaging so,, less trouble!

“hey love,” he greets you with a quick kiss on the lips— and he quickly notices the black package that sat right next to you. “what’s that?”

“oh, speaking of which—” you hold out the box, “open it!”

and shouto is like,, hmm.. because you didn’t tell him what exactly the gift was, but either way— anything from you would be worth the suspense im sorry, but you’re just trying your best to hold yourself back

when he opens the package, he’s surprised to see what appears to be shorts, but when he unfolds the pair of ‘shorts’

😯 “is that..” he’s at a loss for worrd, completely BAFFLED at the sight of your face on a pair of boxers. out of all of the things he was expecting, it,, wasn’t this

YOU JUST CAN’T HELP BUT LAUGH AT THE FACT THAT HE’S LIKE 😯 ➡️🧍

shouto’s so confused, because why are you laughing? was this not genuine? is this not a social cue he doesn’t understand? why would he not like them??

but he’s surprised for sure, so he does laugh, “Y/N, i’d appreciate anything you’d give me. so, this was not any exception— but this was certainly the most interesting gift you have given me.”

setting all of jokes aside, he takes good care of the boxers— commenting on how he doesn’t want to tarnish the fabric, or the print of your astonishing face.

he wears them when he’s not going anywhere 🗿 so occasionally, you’d catch a glimpse of those boxers in the laundry—

he’s not very shy about it, since “you gifted me them so.. i’m using them.”

when you posted the tiktok, it does extremely well— and it mostly consisted of comments like “LMAO WE KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANTED TO LAUGH” “he was genuinely surprised lmaooo”

»»————-　♡　————-«

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[sallysoot]

↱ YANDERE!DREAM AFFECTION HEADCANONS ↲

CW ; UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP / TOXIC DYNAMIC / ETC.

REPOSTED DUE TO TUNGLE ISSUES !

ANON ASKS... if u aren’t too busy, how ab hcs of snuggling and giving kisses to yandere dream? just something purely fluffy yknow? I hate to admit it but ur yandere makes my heart throb 💕💕

hello!! thank you so much for enjoying my yandere stuff-- it’s definitely my guilty pleasure, too, so i SUPER feel you on hating to admit it LMAOOO

whatever you THINK you’re doing to him, know that in his eyes, the meaning and emotion behind it increases tenfold. it makes his heart soar and every unpleasant thing in his life seem to just up and vanish as soon as you come to him for a dose of affection.

to you, it’s a serotonin rush. it makes you happy to be close to dream, cuddled up next to him and  all the lovey-dovey things couples should to. to him, though, you’re dosing him up on a drug he can’t get from anyone or anything else.

dream will chase that high until the day he dies. everything you give him feels perfect, feels magical, until it isn’t strong enough anymore and he starts seeking out more.

you definitely opened the floodgates by kissing him. it’s an invitation, to him. he assumes you want to kiss him all the time, that if you’re nearby you want to be holding hands, hugging, or even just LEAVING wherever you are to go home and cuddle with him.

he loves holding you close, stroking your hair and tracing out patterns on your back. dream is WILDLY affectionate in public, but in private it’s like he just wants to melt into you and stay there forever.

dream loves when you let him curl up around you. everyone seems to think so badly of him, that he’s strange and frightening and is only ever an omen of bad things to come.

so when you cuddle with him, let him pull you back against his chest and seem to feel at EASE there, it invalidates everything he’s heard whispers of. because you must trust him. you’re so close and vulnerable, you must trust him to protect you from the world and everyone that thinks to speak ill of him.

dream is so overwhelmingly sweet and affectionate for a man who kisses you with a mouth that has threatened lives for existing too close to you.

[frogtanii]

hq boys as the crimes they’d commit

warnings: CRIMES, crackfic, probably many typos idk i’m so tired lmaooo, cursing, drinking ??? idfk 😩💦

an: and i did this for what?? inspired by hq hcs royalty @sugardaddykenma @hina-wit-da-glock (AJSKSJ SORRY FOR TAGGING Y’ALL IF YOU SEE THIS, IT IS DEF NOT UP TO PAR W Y’ALLS WORKS ILY)

karasuno

sawamura daichi- insurance fraud!! somehow this is such a dad crime to commit?? dadchi didn’t try (dumb excuse, how do you accidentally commit insurance fraud smh) to commit insurance fraud but at one point in his late-thirties, he was very very broke and was already working as much as possible so, he decided to fake an ankle injury, as you do, and filed a bunch of claims which made him bank. daichi kept doing it until he was able to quit one of his jobs and buy himself a really nice suit and a rolex (uhhh 🥵). he somehow never got caught tho and to this day, none of his friends know how he was able to afford a tesla on a cop’s salary (sorry daichi but acab 😔✨)

sugawara kōshi- child abandonment!! ok you can try and fight me on this but i feel in my bones that suga absolutely despises children. he can tolerate ages 10+ but anything younger than that, he will punt them into the next dimension. the thing is, people just assume he likes kids because of how good he is with his team which is why his aunt begged him to babysit his nephew taro. taro was being an absolute brat when suga took him out for the day and he was 👉👈 this close to snapping. he put taro down for like 3 seconds to pay for their ice cream and when he turned back, the demon spawn was gone. he panicked, running around the park looking for taro when it turns out, taro was just bent down behind the bench. some random karen called the police and suga has never craved murder more.

nishinoya yuu- arson!! you CANNOT tell me nishinoya doesn’t have a ~murder~ playlist that he listens to to get himself hype (me too noya, me too). one night, he got a lil too hype listening to start a riot by duckwrth and watching demolition videos on youtube. he snuck out of his house to an empty shed like 30 minutes away and maybe... lit it on fire while genocide by lil darkie played on a speaker nearby. what he did NOT anticipate was the absolute size of the fire so he freaked out and called the firefighters who promptly called the police. he didn’t want to get grounded so he called daichi to bail him out. daichi still told noya’s parents 😔.

tanaka ryūnosuke- vandalism!! tanaka had been on alt tiktok and saw a group of cool friends spray painting an abandoned building. he thought “that’s cool, lemme do that!” but then he realized he had no friends (AHDGS JK I LOVE TANAKA). he asked nishinoya who was grounded from the arson incident and he knew he definitely couldn’t ask daichi, suga, asahi, or enoshita so he decided to go it alone. that proved to be a MASSIVE mistake. he got the supplies, arrived to the building of his choice (thanks saeko :3), and decided to spray paint a huge p3ni5 in bright red paint. he finished “successfully” and zoomed back home. what he didn’t realize with his two-and-a-half braincells is that he signed his glorious piece with his full name. the cops were at his house the next morning...🧍

hinata shoyō- forgery!! hinata did NOT think that forgery was even a crime. how was he supposed to know that he wasn’t allowed to copy his mom’s signature on a permission form! all he wanted was to go to an overnight training camp 😿

kageyama tobio- attempted murder!! kageyama swears it sounds worse than was and he is absolutely incorrect. what happened was so much worse. he and hinata were having a competition to see who could hold their breath the longest underwater (you can’t tell me they haven’t done some dumbass shit like this) and kageyma lost almost instantly (he has the tiny lungs of an asthmatic). he didn’t want hinata to notice so he held hinata’s head under the water for like 10 seconds. suga walked in though, saw hinata thrashing around in the water and immediately called the police. kageyama never forgave him.

tsukishima kei- cyberbullying!! first of all, i had no idea you could get arrested for cyber bullying!? that being said, neither did tsukishima who spent 80% of his time making fun of people online (and on his real account!! bold). eventually one of the people he bullied (hinata) reported him on instagram and his very lame account was deleted (pls don’t bully people online 😤).

yamaguchi tadashi- shoplifting!! andjksh this is so funny because this scenario has happened to me and i can just SEE this happening to poor tadashi. yamaguchi gets super late night cravings (and usually tsukki will walk with him at like 3 am 🥺 nEWAYS) so he’ll sneak out and walk to the mini-mart near his house. one night, he was so tired but also super hungry so he went onto his nightly routine and basically sleepwalked into the store. he picked out his favorite chips and candy bar (which are sour cream&onion lays and milky ways in case you were wondering 😌✨) and just... walked out the store without paying. the store clerk was mysteriously missing so yamaguchi made it all the way home, ate half the bag of chips and passed out without realizing what he’d done. once he did, he cried for 2 hours straight.

nekoma

kuroo tetsurō- telemarketing fraud!! kuroo originally did telemarketing fraud as a joke?? like he was trying to prank call someone pretending that they had lost their information and they actually gave it to him??? he was mildly concerned but even more excited. he did it over and over again but he never used the info for anything. to this day, kuroo literally has a notebook full of credit card numbers and bank account passwords but he refuses to use it because he believes it’s ✨wrong✨(but it isn’t wrong to take all that information in the first place under false pretenses, not realizing that once people find out, they are forced to close credit cards and accounts but go off self righteous king). once he brought the book up to kenma and he offered to sell it on the dark web. now kuroo feels less bad about what he’s done! :D

kozume kenma- computer crime!! pfttt this one seems kinda obvious but what do you expect from kenma :). he spends so much time on the internet, he’s definitely picked up some less than legal skills that still help him now 👀. kenma did little mini crimes like getting into other people’s wifi but his crowning achievement was when he hacked into the minneapolis pd website and had it so when you opened the page, a black lives matter screen came up. he never told anyone that it was him who did it but he thinks it’s the best he’s ever done.

yaku morisuke- racketeering!! yaku, the feral king, ran an underground gambling ring in the basement of nekoma (do they have basements?? who knows! i don’t!) during his third year. the only reason it didn’t get shut down was because coach nekomata took a portion of yaku’s profits whenever he won (which was literally all the time). everyone on the team has lost money to him which is why they never play with him anymore. they won’t even let yaku play monopoly 😔.

haiba lev- indecent exposure!! poor lev’s head is so empty, he tends to fall for whatever pranks his senpai’s do to him. this time kuroo had somehow convinced him that in order to grow his schlong, he had to run outside naked for 10 minutes because the moonlight had special growing properties. lev was a lil scared ngl because he was already superrr tall and didn’t need to grow his height (or his dick ((boy is hung)) but poor lev is insecure) but he did it anyway. long story short, an old woman saw him parading around the neighborhood naked and called el policia. 0/10 dick did NOT grow and had to spend a night in jail naked 😿

aoba johsai

oikawa tōru- prostitution!! KAKKAKA iwazumi made fun of oikawa for being so shitty and said that he couldn’t pick up anyone if he tried. flattykawa took this as a personal challenge and went out onto the street, asking people if they’d have sex with him. with the way he was asking (and the way he was dressed), people assumed he was a paid w h o r e and someone eventually reported him. iwazumi had to pick oikawa up from the station- he never let him live this one down.

iwaizumi hajime- battery!! it wasn’t technically battery but oikawa is a lil bitch and overreacts (at least in his words -_-). the amount of times iwa-chan has beat the absolute shit out of oikawa is uNREAL. he just can’t handle the stupidity sometimes so he just smacks the crap outta him. not for real for real but the way oikawa reacts, you’d think a murder was occurring. one time, shittykawa screeched so loud, they got a noise complaint -_- hajime hates it in these streets.

matsukawa issei & hanamaki takahiro- conspiracy!! issei and hiro have a secret blog where they discuss conspiracy theories and such but one day, hiro found an article that explained how jfk’s death was an inside job. he sent it to issei who began to theorize how HE’D do it. that devolved into a massive thread on their blog of how’d they murder a president which blew up and caught the attention of the cia who sent the a letter telling them to quietly delete the blog. they did because they were terrified but they kept the letter and now it’s framed in issei’s apartment.

kyōtani kentarō- assault!! baby is an angry little boy but for all the right reasons. he was at a bar (when he’s all grown up, duh) and he spotted an absolute drunk creep hitting on a girl who clearlyyyy did not reciprocate his feelings. kyōtani, being the respectful king that he is, went over to the guy, pulled him by the jacket and beat. the. shit. out of him. while the bartender was happy with the fact that the creep was out, he was not impressed with the damage to his bar. he just sent kyōtani out who casually adjusted his leather jacket and rings, and hopped on his motorcycle to ride away into the night. i am the FATTEST simp for this man ONG 🥴

shiratorizawa

ushijima wakatoshi- stalking!! poor ushijima has no idea how intimidating he can be. he was on a train late at night after practice and the woman sitting across from him left her purse sitting on the seat. being the gentleman that he is, he took the purse and followed her to return it. the only problem is that the closer he got, the faster she ran and when he tried to speak (yknow with his scary, deep, baritone voice), the woman screeched and called the cops on him because he was a “strange, big man who was following her home.” when the police showed up, ushijima was painfully confused and just held up this tiny ass purse in his massive hands. the cops laughed.

tendō satori- ???!! no one knows what crimes (or how many 😳) tendō has committed but each of his teammates have different ideas- ushijima: “i don’t believe tendou is capable of committing any sort of felony. well, maybe murder”; semi: “of COURSE he’s capable of crimes??! do you know how many times i’ve seen him come into the dorm with a suspicious stain of red on his sweater?? *shudders* if i end up dead, tendō did it...” in actuality, the only crime tendō has committed is ~drugs~ but he’s not bouta tell his friends that.

goshiki tsutomu- would be a VICTIM!! my baby tsutomu would NEVER commit a crime!!! i love this man with my everything and the only crime he’s committed is being too damn cute 😤🥺