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leonsleftbicep · 6 months

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II Heat Cycle - pt:2 kinda?

this has been marinating for a bit and I've been in a big writing mood recently. so, enjoy.

pt1: here

word count: 930

cw/tw: heat cycles, emetophobia, crying, the vessels aren't really human, polyvessels, they/them for III, it/its/they/them for Vessel, fluff? hurt/comfort? idk hes just in pain ig.

first bit is me trying to understand how im going to write about this

They all knew II hated his heat. To the point that when he first transformed into a Vessel, he cried all those first days. He didn't let anyone touch him but Vessel. he would cry and cry, not listening to any of them for help. just falling into the idea that he will just cry it away, till he passes out from exertion.

—

IV the day before immediately knew what was coming, and from the past years of being with all of them. He knew he needed to start making II's nest. IV made sure the fairy lights work, and planned on taking II out to get him his favorite foods.

III made sure they had a wide array of pain meds and herbal remedies for some of the heat symptoms. hoping that this time IV or them will actually be able to help, but they knew it was a slim chance with how newly turned IV was.

II was in a pre-heat-haze. not knowing he had less than 24 hours till he would be in that excruciating pain and discomfort. He did his normal work around the house, with a slight shake here and there. went out to the shops with IV because he wanted to pick up some of II’s favorite foods and drinks. Which II didn’t even think as suspicious with the fact that he almost seems too laid back today.

III had dinner cooked, and welcomed II with a big hug when he and IV came home. Vessel met them all in the kitchen; they all didn’t like having a dining room and enjoyed standing and eating, more than sitting and getting fidgety.

Vessel volunteered itself to sleep in II’s bed while IV and III took to the main room.

—

It wasn't long after II and Vessel woke up when II started to whine and shiver. his tail curled around his thighs to keep them closed, as he cuddled up to Vessel. “hurts” II groans his skin damp already, his brows furrowed as he starts to weep.

Vessel instinctively texted III a simple text of “meds now” before they kissed II's forehead and held him. the strong pheromones making vessel purr absentmindedly. vessel pulled up II’s hair in a bun; knowing he most of the time had to vomit an hour or so after taking the herbs. II usually feels better after that.

III walked in quickly with a wooden shot glass of their usual herbal remedy, that III knew would have to be made again. a bit differently an hour or so after seeing II’s state after the first dose. III let out a huff as their tail flicked from the pheromones. III leaves the room after kissing II’s forehead and petting his hair. Which made II groan as more tears flowed down his cheeks.

—

after II drank the medicine he was sated for at least thirty minutes, before he scurried out of bed to the bathroom. Beginning to hurl up his dinner from last night. The studio was connected to the room II had to stay in, by a bathroom. which allowed IV hear the sound of II losing his dinner which made him worried.

he opened the door and was hit with a waft of pheromones, “II.. you smell, really good” he said incredibly surprised. II’s head was just in the toilet as he finally calmed down his stomach, “Ivy, I love you. but this isn’t the best time” II says as he sniffles a bit.

Vessel walks in and sits next to II on the floor, Vessel rubs at II’s back to calm him a bit “IV, you need to stay in the other room, you don’t have a tolerance yet” Vessel huffs out as IV sits down in the doorway.

“But I want to help. maybe being around him while he's like, This. Will help my tolerance.” IV states as he watches II wipe away tears and his mouth off with some tissue. Vessel and II sit and think for a moment, exchanging a long glance “it might work, that's kinda what we did with III” vessel says as he rubs II’s hips. II just wipes his tears again “i need IVy and III” II says in a pitiful manner. his strong stoic demeanor ripped away to expose a soft and sensitive interior of a man in pain. “love, i.. i don't know if we ca-“ Vessel was cut off " I can be good. I can support II and not get handsy. He Needs Me.” IV say’s defensively. Vessel shut his mouth and nodded.

—

IV picks up II after he was finished in the bathroom. the three of them make their way to the main bedroom where III already sat in a hoodie and shorts. “oh?” III breathes as they sees all three of them. “Ivy made the decision that he needs to build up a tolerance, and II said he wants all of us” Vessel explains, it is also worried about all of this. IV sets II in bed where he immediately cuddles up to III like a needy cat. the pheromones were getting increasingly prominent, which was affecting IV but he was not going to show it.

Once all cuddled up to them, II relaxes as Vessel lays on top of him and he has III and IV on either side of him. Both III and IV have their faces in II’s neck just so they can enjoy the lovely scent of his pheromones. they all start to purr as they start to fall asleep.

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mcufan72 · 2 years

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Cold winter days, a lonely woman on a bench, a stranger in the park...

An Encounter in Winter ❄️

Loki and female reader

18+/adult themes/talking/flirting/slow burn/angst/fluff/smut (eventually)

Warnings: mentions of an accident, alcoholism and death (not detailed, not graphic) /a little bit of implied smut (not reader...not yet). It's a long chapter and maybe the beginning is a bit sad before the flirting can start again. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 2

Chapter 1 here

You and Loki met every day in the park. That has been going on for over two weeks now and you have already developed a lovely routine. First, you walked around that little lake or through the park and told each other about the day. Then you headed out to one of your benches and sat there for a while.

Sometimes you two had many more things to talk about like you would know each other for ages now and sometimes the two of you just sat there in silence and enjoyed the others' proximity. It never felt awkward. It was hard for both of you to not take each other's hands.

How much you wanted to place your head on his shoulder and Loki wished you would just do it. But none of you did anything of it. You both strictly avoided physical contact, except the hand kisses he gave you every day as a welcome. Even then you were always wearing your gloves.

Neither him nor you wanted to destroy what had just begun blooming and might end in a very good friendship. Also you two never asked about private details, both of you didn't want to be intrusive. He knew what your job was and the only thing you knew about his job was that he was something like a businessman, often on exhausting business trips.

Loki was always very secretive about his work or when it came to him. Nonetheless between you two there was definitely a subtle attraction for each other but you both were in denial about it. Love at first sight didn't exist, if love exists at all and so you both still maintained a polite distance from each other.

This afternoon after your stroll through the park you now sat next to him on the bench and you both looked at the little lake and watched at the ice skaters, who were peacefully doing their laps around the rink.

Today Loki wanted to take the chance to find out why you were alone here in this city. Maybe it was too soon to ask you such a private question but he needed to know because…no, he hadn't feelings of love for you but he was concerned about you and somehow the urge to take care of you grew more and more.

"Lady y/n? I'd like to ask you something. Why do you live here alone? What happened between you and your family? There's something that makes you sad and has broken your heart, right?"

He sensed that it wouldn't be easy for you to talk about it.

"You get straight to the point, don't you?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's okay, Mr. Laufeyson."

Right from the beginning you had the feeling you could tell him everything. You just weren't that kind of person who would tell everyone about your messed-up life on your own. You didn't want to bore someone or to be pitied. But you had nothing to hide or nothing to lose so you decided to talk about one of the worst things in your life that had happened to you.

"There was a big disaster, an accident, with some unfortunate consequences. I caused it, so that's what I thought for a very long time. A few years ago I was on a day trip with my mother and two other people. On our way back home another car, that drove way too fast, took me off the road and I lost control and we crashed in my car.

It was bad, my mother got injured. Nothing happened to me, I just had a shock and the other two were unharmed too. Unfortunately my mother's injury caused her constant physical pain afterwards. I felt so guilty about that. Because I had caused it. And she tried to cover the pain with too much alcohol.

The combination with the meds she had to take continuously since that accident, led to her death finally. My father yelled at me that this disaster was only my fault and that I was the only one to blame for everything.

You know, I had a wonderful childhood and youth, happy and carefree. My parents always seemed to be happy and in love. I'd never have thought that they could be unlucky and desperate. What I didn't know was that my parents' marriage had already been a loveless one for many many years and that my mum sought comfort in drinking lots of alcohol long before the accident happened. My godmother told me later.

At my mother's funeral he didn't even look at me. Only my then-fiance was there for me that day.

Am I through with it? Yes and no. I will never forget what happened but I've learned to live with it. And I still have to learn that none of it was my fault. It was fate and I never had a chance to avoid what happened even if I wanted to. But nonetheless I feel guilty sometimes and I still need time to arrange my new life here and to let go of the past…"

Loki listened to you in silence. He was profoundly touched by what he just had heard.

"Your father needed someone to blame for his faults and his mourn. So, it seems like he chose you. Did you ever meet your father again after your mother's funeral?"

"No, he never forgave me for what I had done. I arranged myself with this situation and it's okay now. And I still love him though."

"You do?" He turned his head towards you, astonished.

"How? I mean, he did you wrong and he let you feel his anger, he left it all out on you and made you responsible for the loss of his wife, your mother. Instead of doing that you two should've comforted each other. You would've needed his love and support."

The unjust behavior that was being shown to you made him angry.

"Yes, he did blame me and I mourned my mother's death alone but he's still my father…and parents are never easy to handle, are they?" You smiled, still staring at the lake.

"And in most cases, we love our parents somehow, no matter what they say or do or what they think about us. And I'm sure, deep inside his heart he still loves me, too. I know it's not possible for everyone to feel like this and that there can be unforgivable things and it's absolutely okay to forgive your parents not. I don't feel the need to meet him ever again but I can't hate him either.

And I had to leave. It became impossible for me to stay where my family lived. For me it's better to live alone. No pain anymore, no sorrows. So that's why I moved here a few months after the funeral."

Loki nodded, he understood what you meant. He had his own family issues and totally understood your contradictory feelings.

"That's really sad what happened to you and between you and your family. I feel sorry for that, I really do." Loki said gently and genuinely to you.

"You don't have to but thank you. I'm stronger now, I'm alright now," you said quietly.

"May I ask you something, Mr.Laufeyson? You turned towards him to face him.

"Of course, Lady y/n!"

It always made you giggle when he called you that.

"I noticed it since the second day I saw you here in the park, sitting on this bench. Don't you feel cold? There's snow on the ground and it's so cold. Every day you wear just a suit, a light scarf and a light woolen coat. You must be freezing! I'm freezing all the time."

Somehow you were concerned about him and Loki chuckled.

"You're adorable, Lady y/n…may I invite you for a coffee or a hot chocolate?"he asked you with his deep baritone and smiled politely at you.

He knew that some Midgardians were addicted to hot chocolate, especially in the winter time and after what you had told him just yet he thought you could need some comfort. You noticed that he didn't give you an answer to your question but you didn't want to force him to give you an answer either and so you gave him a big smile. You were cold and it sounded awesome to drink something warm now.

"Oh yes please, Mr.Laufeyson. A hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows…that would be sooo wonderful now," you answered him full of joy and enthusiasm.

"It's hot chocolate then, my Lady. Let's go!" He replied calmly and you two stood up from the bench to leave the park.

"Wonderful, and I already know a nice café where we can get it" and you hooked your arms around one of his like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He stiffened immediately, stopped walking and looked astonished at your tangled arms and then into your face, a quizzical look in his eyes, raising one eyebrow. You looked back at him a little scared. You didn't want to overstep and let go of his arm promptly.

"I'm sorry" you said quietly, smiled awkwardly and hid your hands behind your back.

His gaze at you was kind of emotionless now and you couldn't decipher it.

"That's quite all right, Lady y/n," he said after a few seconds and offered you his arm gentlemanlike so you could hook your arm with his again.

"My Lady?" he said calmly.

"Thank you, Sir" and you took his offer gratefully, smiled brightly at him and you two continued the walk to the café.

It was pleasant to feel him physically. You felt the muscles of his angled forearm flexing under your grip. You had started to caress his forearm with your fingers without recognising it but it made Loki grinning. It felt good. You were the cutest thing he had ever seen and you clinging on his arm felt pretty good.

When you had reached the café and found a nice table at the window, Loki helped you out of your winter coat and hung it up in the wardrobe together with your scarf and your beanie.

"Thank you, you're a real gentleman," you said and smiled at him.

"That's how it should be and it's what my parents taught me: behave decently towards a Lady because every woman deserves respect, " he answered and he gave you a kind smile.

"No one ever did this for me," you stated.

"That's awful! It seems you only met idiots before you met me." he grinned smugly and winked at you.

He took off his coat and the jacket of his suit and hung them up in the wardrobe next to your winter coat. After he had helped you with your chair and you had taken a seat, he sat down across from you and rolled the sleeves of his crisp white shirt neatly up to his elbows. His tailored waistcoat hugged his body perfectly and his clothing was precisely rounded up with a dark green tie.

The sight of his v-shaped, marvellous torso and his defined biceps flexing under the sleeves of his tight shirt made you swallow thickly. He looked stunning and you tried to not stare at him like an idiot. The knees of his well-built endlessly long legs brushed yours under the table and you tried hard to ignore it. Every contact of your body with his made your spine tingle.

"You might be right with it, Mr. Laufeyson. I only met the jerks until I met you," and a big smile appeared on your face again.

After the waiter had taken your orders, Loki decided to continue your conversation you had in the park. He wanted to learn more about you because he liked you very much. You were so positive, your whole appearance and attitude were so natural, genuine and warm. Your natural manner was enchanting. He admired you for being so strong. But besides this he was sure there were more incidents in your life that had hit you hard.

"It seems you like the color green?" you asked him and you made a gesture like you would tidying an imaginary tie around your neck.

"Oh…yes, it's my favorite color," he answered laughingly.

"Mine too," you said and smiled at him.

"I know," he answered with his velvety voice and a flash of pink appeared on your cheeks.

"Excuse me, Lady y/n but…I can't get it out of my head. So you are really completely alone here in this town? No family, no friends? You also mentioned a then-fiancé. Is there really no one who takes care of you? After everything that happened to you?"

Maybe it would be better to not answer a stranger's questions you just met some time ago but you trusted him somehow. He remained distant and guarded all the time and you didn't know much about him but you didn't have the feeling that he wanted to harm you, it seemed he cared about your well-being. And mostly your gut feeling didn't betray you. He truly seemed to be one of the good ones…but you would definitely not talk about your ex-fiancé.

"Besides that I'm a big girl and able to handle myself, you seem really to be concerned about me."

Loki just shrugged his shoulders apologetically and smiled politely. In addition he couldn't ignore your beautiful body which was perfectly hugged by your knitted turtleneck sweater and your jeans. He liked your beautiful small delicate hands and how you were fidgeting with your fingers.

"Besides my father, I have a sister, a brother-in-law and a niece."

"A sister, a brother-in-law and a niece? That's wonderful. Do you meet them regularly?"

"Why do you want to know all this?" you wondered and smiled at him.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to overstep anything and of course you don't need to give me an answer. But I like you and it just concerns me that a nice woman like you has neither a family nor friends here by her side who care about her. I know how it feels to be alone all too well."

Now you were concerned about him. A man like him was alone and lonely in life, too? Until now you've never talked about those private things, you just spent approximately two hours in the afternoons together and you always presumed he has friends or a special someone. And if he had a wife you would never want to come between them. His concern for you seemed to be genuine so you wanted to answer him.

"No, unfortunately, I don't see my sister and her family. She and my niece… were the other two passengers in my car…. You sighed quietly.

"They're world travellers and the last time I saw my sister was at the funeral of our mother. And I'm sure she doesn't want to see me ever again because when we had that accident I could have harmed her and her baby, too. I think she will never forgive me for what happened either. Our relationship after the accident is a complicated one. And to be honest, I don't even know where they are actually." You chuckled slightly.

"But I have some friends at work…ahm… they're more colleagues than friends but sometimes we meet at the theater or in a restaurant…so, as you can see, I'm not completely alone."

The waiter came and served you your hot chocolate and Loki his espresso and you both took a sip of your beverages.

"Mmhmm…fantastic, exactly what I need right now, " you hummed.

"Your hot chocolate marshmallow stuff looks delicious," Loki stated and he noticed the seam of cocoa and cream on your upper lip when you put the mug on the table, your hands still cupped around it to warm your hands.

"There's…something on your upper lip." Loki stroked his index finger over his upper lip to show you what he meant and grinned.

You raised your eyebrows and laughed silently. With your tongue you licked the cocoa-cream seam slowly off your upper lip, unaware how exquisitely sensual you did it. Finally you stroked with the side of your thumb over your lips to clean them properly and as the cherry on top you gave him your cute smile.

"Better?" you asked him.

Loki couldn't help himself but stare at you and your action. He licked his lips nervously and he felt how his pants became tighter in his crotch.

"Yeah, better," he assured you.

"Wanna taste?" you asked him smoothly while looking him deep in the eyes and you passed your mug into his direction.

A shiver ran down his spine. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

"Maybe next time, darling. But thank you," he replied in his deep voice but now it sounded a little bit more rough and scratchy.

Why did you affect him so much? He shouldn't allow himself to feel like this. You would never talk to him if you knew what he did and who he really was. You were too good for him.

"You miss something if you don't taste it, it's really good," you pouted and glanced at him smilingly.

"I'm sure it is. I'll try it one day. I promise."

"Good, I'll remind you about it!" and you put your mug back on the table again.

"So tell me, Mr.Laufeyson. What about you? Do you have family and friends here? A wife somewhere waiting for you perhaps? I can't imagine that a handsome and extremely polite man like you is all alone here in this city."

He hesitated before he gave you an answer.

"I have a brother. He lives here too. No wife, no…I'm not in a relationship. I'm…not alone …most nights, if you know what I mean but…it's never anything solid…and I moved here recently so…I don't know many people here, not yet. I need to put certain things here in order."

"Ah, okay, I understand."

Was it a good or a bad sign that he hadn't asked you yet to spend the night with him? Anyway, you weren't looking for a one-night-stand or a boyfriend.

"So you have a sibling too, a brother, that's nice. It's important to have your family nearby…if possible. And please don't get me wrong, I didn't want to be offensive..it's just…once bitten twice shy… the jerks, you know."

You answered him friendly and smiled.

You didn't want to force him to tell you more. You had the feeling that he didn't want to tell you more details about his private life.

"No need to worry, Lady y/n, you haven't been offensive. Not more than I've been,"

he answered you and took a sip of his espresso.

Your conversation became more casual and general again like it was every day when you met each other at the park.

You talked about the cultural offers of the city, some musicals and museums.

"Would you like to visit an art gallery? With me?" he asked.

Did he just ask you out for a date? Normally he asked a woman to share his bed for the night. He never asked for a date. But you were a special woman to him. You deserved better than only to be a one-night-stand. You deserved to get conquered and loved. He wasn't the right man for you but he wanted to give you a good time and make you feel less alone. And he would be less alone too.

"You would like to do that with me, are you sure, Mr.Laufeyson?"

You couldn't believe that he wanted to do this with you, that he could be interested in art, too. Normally you were used to visiting art galleries all by yourself.

"Hmmmmhh! I'm absolutely sure!" he assured you.

"Oh, yes that sounds great and yes I'd love to visit an art gallery with you."

His offer made you overly happy.

"What about next week?"

"Fine, that sounds great! Next week then!" you nodded. "It's late, I should go home now. I gotta get up early."

"Shall I escort you home?"

"No, no please, no circumstances Mr.Laufeyson. My place is not that far away from here. But thank you for your kind offer…and your invitation."

"My pleasure!"

Loki nodded, smiled warmly at you and when you stood up from your chair, he went to the wardrobe and helped you into your coat. He stood so close behind you that you could feel his breath on your neck, his fingers touched your shoulders gently. You shivered again, his closeness felt good and made you feel safe. You turned around to face him and for a short moment, you thought he would kiss you. Of course, he didn't, you barely knew each other.

It felt good when he stood so close to you. He hoped you wouldn't think he wanted to touch you in a not-so-decent way when his hand gently stroked over your shoulders after he had helped you into your coat. It happened rather accidentally than purposely or that was what he thought.

When you turned around to face him he couldn't resist letting his eyes wander over your pretty face. He found you incredibly pretty with your sparkling eyes and your wonderful soft lips. It was hard for him to kiss you not. He bet you would slap him if he would do it, you only knew each other briefly. It didn't feel right to kiss you, not yet and maybe he would never be allowed to do that.

"Have a nice evening, Mr.Laufeyson and thank you so much for this lovely afternoon and…the hot chocolate."

"Have a nice evening too, Lady y/n, I definitely enjoyed the afternoon with you, and you're welcome."

"Tomorrow, same time, same place?" you asked him happily.

"I'm looking forward to tomorrow, same time, same place. And after our stroll in the park, I'd like to sit here with you again, in this lovely place. What about you? Would you like that?" he asked you, softly gazing at you and waiting for your answer.

"Yes, let us go here again tomorrow. That would be great. See you, Sir. Bye."

"See you then, my Lady."

You smiled brightly at him, turned around and waved your hand at him when you opened the café's entrance door and left the café.

On your way back home you walked along the store windows which were so lovely decorated for Christmas. Your coat and your scarf smelled like him…sandalwood …and a warm smile curved your lips slightly.

After you had left, Loki got dressed into his jacket and coat, paid the bill and left the café too. He didn't want to go home yet and so he visited a bar, to find a companion and distraction for the night…like usual. And if he was honest with himself he had the unfulfillable hope that one day you would be his companion, his friend, his lover, his girl for each of his lonesome nights and days…and he smelled a hint of your perfume that lingered in his coat and a smile curved his lips.

"Yes babe yess…fuck me, Loki…deeper, deeper…I'm a good girl, I'm a good girl yes,yes…please…fuck meee daddy…"

"That's what you want, slut, hm?…want me to fuck you relentlessly like the whore you are…fuck…just like that…"

"Yes, I'm a whore, fuck me deeper… daddyyyy…deeper…yesss…"

Loki fucked the woman underneath him in a merciless pace. He was close to his release, he just wanted to finish this quickly.

"I'm…cumming."

"Yes, cum…cum now" and he ejaculated and she climaxed while shouting his name.

When he looked at her, he himself was panting heavily in the aftermath of his orgasm, he didn't see her, he saw your face…Loki pulled out of her quickly and left the bed, slightly irritated, stroking his hands through his messy hair.

"Loki darling, come back to bed, I want to cuddle you " she pouted.

"No, no cuddling, just fucking. I made it clear before we started!"

"Oh come ooonn. You're so sweet," she chirped.

"No! Go girl! Please! I never cuddle, okay! …please go, clean yourself or take a shower if you want and then just go. No aftercare. We both just wanted to let off some steam. That was the deal," he said respectfully but strictly.

"Okay, babe," she answered carelessly and jumped out of the bed, collected her clothes from the floor and went towards the bathroom. She didn't care, she had a good fuck with Loki and that was it. A few minutes later she came back, cleaned and dressed.

"Bye, Loki babe, you were fantastic, " she purred, pressed a wet kiss to his cheek and left his apartment.

Why did he see your face when he fucked a random woman? He couldn't allow himself to fall for you…and he wiped his hand firmly over his cheek where that woman had kissed him. He didn't feel satisfied, he felt empty inside and alone.

Something had started to change.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

@lokisprettygirl @wheredafandomat @fictive-sl0th @lokixryss @huntress-artemiss

#loki #loki x female reader #loki x reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x you #loki laufeyson #loki x reader fic #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #loki x y/n #loki au

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polkadotsocks1993 · 2 years

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Try To Breathe

Joel Miller x OFC

Summary: Lily knew it would happen any day now, but now that it's here, she didn't realize the emotions it would bring for everyone involved.

Warnings: childbirth, implied age gap, violence, canon divergence, PTSD, implied sexual situations

Notes: Hi everyone! This kind of got away from me, but I also wanted a more realistic childbirth scene (because I've had two kids with no meds, I promise it isn't as scary as the TV tells you) but I wanted to give Joel and Ellie something a bit happier. Thank you for all your support! ❤️

She'd thought she had no family left by the time she'd met Joel Miller.

She'd come from Nashville, choosing to escape the Atlanta QZ with her family. Her parents, her seven siblings, and a few people they'd picked up along the way. Lily had been eleven when the world effectively ended; gradually, she'd lost everyone she loved.

Her mother was the first to go; dying from an aggressive brain tumor that they'd only discovered a week after arriving at Boston. Lily had been thirteen then, and it was the first splinter in the slow shattering of her world.

Next came Lily's oldest sister, Emma, who died from hemhorraging in childbirth. Her baby was taken by Emma's husband, and they went north to Maine.

Then, it was Lily's brothers, Timothy and Aidan, who were killed trying to smuggle items out of the QZ. Lily's twin sisters Hannah and Hallie were infected on a supply run. Her remaining brother, Emmett, was killed in a mugging gone wrong inside the QZ. All of them died by the time Lily was twenty.

By the time Lily was twenty-two, she'd watched as her father, the only relative she had left with her, took his last breath. He'd been infected saving her, and the person to put him down had been the man who saved her life: Joel Miller.

Joel and Tess had become whatever semblance of a family Lily had. Her last remaining sibling, her sister Aileen, had left with her husband and a group to go to Cody, Wyoming by that time. After long enough without contact, Lily had just assumed they'd never made it.

---------

Lily had never intended on falling in love with Joel Miller, it happened so slowly that she didn't understand it until Frank, whom she considered one of her closest friends, had pointed it out.

"You look at him like he's your universe, Lily. And he looks at you that way, too."

She didn't think her heart could hold any love after the weight of the grief she carried. Her mother, her father, her brothers and sisters, her baby nephew--all of it hung heavy around her heart like a millstone, threatening to pull her under like a current.

Joel had been her first everything: her first kiss, her first time, the first man she'd allowed herself to be close to. Though he never said it, she knew the grief he carried kept him from being too hopeful. They couldn't afford something as expensive as hope in the nightmare their world had become.

It had all happened one night after Lily had saved Joel's life, shooting at a raider who had nearly shot him when they were smuggling medicine back into the QZ. Joel yelled at her, told her she was foolish for nearly taking a bullet for him, that she should never take risks like that. Lily had shoved him with all her might, her red hair wild in a fiery halo as all the years of pain and rage bubbled to the surface.

"I can't lose you, Joel!" She screamed, "I love you, I can't lose you, I won't lose you! I've lost everything else, you're the one good thing I have left!"

Joel had frozen at her admission, but then the floodgates opened. His lips found hers, and they fell into bed that night. His rough hands found her soft, pale skin, drinking her in like she was a fresh spring and he was a man dying of thirst.

"Are you sure you want this? I can stop. We can stop." Joel had asked, hovering above her. She'd nodded, green eyes locked on Joel.

"Never been so sure about anything, Joel." Lily promised. It was worth the temporary pain of her first time, so many things between them that didn't need to be said.

She'd given him her heart that night, and she'd never looked back, knowing that he might ever reciprocate the depth of love she felt. She'd take whatever she could get with him, even if that just meant sharing a bed.

That was five years ago.

Joel still had a lot of baggage; they all did, really. The grief was a heavy burden to bear, and Joel and Lily both carried their own, forgetting about it as they found each other underneath their threadbare sheets in the tiny apartment they shared.

Joel had started calling Lily his wife, and she never corrected him. She went where he went, despite his protests. They'd worked with Tess, the three of them becoming a unit, a weird semblance of a family. For Lily, it was all she needed, all she dared to hope for in this new world. Joel wasn't a soft man; he was jagged edges and hardness and fury. Lily never minded, knowing that gruff warnings, his rough hands holding her face, his stern commands, they were the way he showed how he cared. Lily never tried to fight for more. She loved Joel for the man he'd become in this new world, long gone were any girlish dreams of a soft man and a happily ever after.

Getting pregnant was not part of the plan. Not something she'd expected.

She and Joel had never discussed children--she had always figured that he didn't want that kind of attachment, and she was too scared to bring it up. It had been a night he'd nearly lost her, a random attack by some thugs who had tried to rough her up but didn't account for Joel being so close behind and recognizing her screams as she fought. He'd had a rage that night like Lily had never seen, until he turned and saw her face, pulling her to him with a crushing force that left her startled.

"We're going home. You're safe now." Joel whispered.

That night, he lost every inhibition he'd had. He'd gripped her hips so hard he left bruises and didn't stop. She'd let him take her, digging her nails into his shoulders and sighing his name with nearly every thrust. It was rough and primal, and Lily had never felt anything like it. He wrapped his fingers in her hair, pulling just hard enough to control her head while he kissed up her neck.

"You. Are. Mine." He growled as he left marks on her neck. Lily sighed his name as she lost all of her thoughts. By the time they were done, neither said anything. That night, he'd whispered that he loved her while he thought she was asleep.

She'd only pretended to be asleep.

------------

She'd suspected something for weeks. Not that she'd had any experience with pregnancy before, aside from Emma's, but every smell made her gag. She'd cried over small things, things that would never normally bother her before. She honestly hadn't cried in years. Then, of course, was the period that never came.

She'd confided in Tess, and Tess had followed her to the doctor and hugged her as the doctor confirmed she was about eight weeks along. She'd made Tess swear not to say anything to Joel. Tess assured her.

Unfortunately for Lily, Tess didn't need to say a word.

Joel was too smart not to suspect anything.

"You gonna tell me, or you gonna keep hiding it?" He asked, his fourth glass of whiskey in hand.

Lily had panicked, wringing her hands and bursting into tears. "Joel, I didn't plan it, I didn't do this on purpose."

"I know." Joel said, taking another sip, "how far along, you think?"

"Doctor said about eight weeks, and that was two weeks ago." Lily replied.

"Something was off, I knew that much. But Lily, two weeks? You didn't tell me for two weeks?" Joel asked, his voice irate.

"I didn't know... I didn't know how to tell you." Lily was sobbing now, all of her unsaid wishes and heartbreak and the sliver of hope cracking through the splintered cracks of her heart and overflowing.

"Joel, I don't expect you to stay. I know we've never talked about any of this, I know you don't want this. I don't--I don't expect you to stick around. I can do this. I'm so scared, but I want this. This is a good thing, and I want to be selfish. I've lost people before, Joel, so if you want to leave, I won't be mad, but I love this baby, and I can't go back." Lily confessed through tears.

Joel surprised her, closing the distance and wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm not leaving you alone. I wouldn't have done that before, I sure as hell won't now." He whispered.

"You never said--you never mentioned--"

"I know, Lily." Joel replied, "But we're here now. Time to make it work."

--------------

Lily was seventeen weeks along when the group agreed to take Ellie out West.

Joel had protested and swore up and down that she wasn't going, Tess did, too. But Lily, with her red hair and temper to match, dug her heels in.

"You said you wouldn't leave me. You're leaving. I'm going with you, whether you like it or not. I never heard from my sister, I'm not letting you two go knowing you might not come back. Worst case scenario, we find Tommy, maybe we find Aileen too. Anything is better than a Fedra QZ." She'd said to Joel, who was so mad he wanted to lock her up and throw away the key.

"It isn't safe out there!" Joel said, "You gonna have that baby on the road?"

"If I have to, yes! But say we take that kid out there, and we find Tommy, and Aileen. Say we find a better place. Do you really want this baby growing up here?"

Joel's jaw tensed. "You're not going go slow us down."

"I know." Lily replied.

"You will listen to me about everything. No questions." Joel snapped.

"I promise." Lily said. She moved toward Joel, taking his hand and placing it on her abdomen.

"Joel, the last twenty years of our lives have been nothing but disaster. What if we can fix this for our baby?" Lily asked.

"You sure you want to do this?" Joel asked.

Lily nodded. With that, Joel turned to Tess.

"Guess we're takin' the kid."

-----------------

Of course, that trip began with tragedy, with Tess getting infected. Lily had screamed, pleaded, fell to her knees. Not Tess. Not the only sister she had left.

"I can't have this baby without you!" Screamed Lily between sobs, "I need you!"

"You can, and you will. Look at me, Lily. Get Ellie out West. Take care of Joel." Tess had told her.

Tess had told Joel to save who he could save, and he promptly drug Ellie and Lily out by the arms as the state building went up in flames.

It was only a few hours later that Ellie looked at Lily, eyes wide.

"You're having a baby?" She asked. Lily nodded.

"Huh. I guess I didn't think he had it in him." Ellie shrugged.

For the first time, Lily laughed. Joel took notice.

-----------------------

After Joel's injury, the three sheltered in a cabin in the woods to nurse him back to health. Lily had acquired some medical knowledge, scouring over books after her family died, and she was able to patch Joel up as best she could. She'd managed to keep him healthy despite the risk of infection, and he had slowly but surely come back. By the time that Joel had gotten well enough to walk around, Lily was due any time. She figured she had about two weeks left until her due date.

"We don't have to stay here, Joel." Lily said, stoking the fire to cook what she'd foraged along with the deer Ellie had hunted the day before.

"Yes, we actually do. That baby is coming any day now, and we're not going on the road." Joel replied.

"I think I have to agree." Ellie said, "You're huge now. You can barely walk."

"You're supposed to be on my side." Lily huffed, "We need to be making time."

"After the baby is born." Joel promised, "It's too dangerous now. Stop asking questions."

Lily grumbled; she knew this was how Joel kept her safe, but she also felt helpless. The last few days had left her utterly exhausted, and she felt off in a way she just couldn't explain. Joel had insisted she eat more, had made her stop and rest. Even Ellie, who normally teased Joel, was in agreement: they wouldn't leave until Lily had the baby.

As it turned out, Joel was right.

------------

Lily woke the next day to a pain in her abdomen.

It wasn't sharp. She could still talk through it, but it was large enough to notice. She tried to go back to sleep, but was awoken ten minutes later by the same annoying pain. She pushed through it while making breakfast, leaning over the wood stove in the cabin. Ellie had noticed, stopping mid-chew to tap Joel on the forearm.

"Everything okay?" Joel asked.

Lily nodded, pretending she wasn't in pain.

"I'm fine, just those Braxton-Hicks contractions." Lily assured him.

"They might be real now, Lily." Said Ellie.

Joel walked over to her, rubbing her back just slightly.

"Keep your strength up. I think it's time. I'm going to get some stuff ready." Joel said.

Lily rolled her eyes, but was secretly thankful that Joel knew more than she did. Her mother had died before she could explain much about childbirth, and Emma's childbirth had ended so badly that Lily had all but blocked it out.

Joel had set to work, boiling water, getting blankets ready, and preparing a space for Lily. He'd been there when his daughter was born, he knew what took place. Lily had some idea from the books she read and from talking to Tess, but she was otherwise clueless.

By lunch time, the contractions were every seven minutes. They were uncomfortable, but she could still move through them. As she walked around the outside of the cabin, Ellie walked with her.

"Do you hope it's a boy, or a girl?" Ellie asked, trying to distract Lily.

"I know it's dumb to say I don't care, but I don't. I never thought I'd have this chance." Lily said, bracing herself against the side of the cabin. She could see Joel's watchful eye, and Ellie rubbed her back.

"I think it would be cool if you had a boy." Ellie said, "I wonder if he'd be as gloomy as Joel?"

Lily laughed, putting her hands on her hips and standing up straight.

"I hope not." Lily said, "But secretly, I'm hoping for a boy, too."

The contractions were starting to come closer now, slowly making Lily wretch from the severity of them. Ellie had timed them, they were starting to come every four minutes instead of every seven. Joel had walked around the cabin with Lily again, stopping as she felt the need to squat as a contraction overtook her.

"I'm sorry you're going through this." Joel said, "I should have been more careful."

"Joel, it was bound to happen." Lily replied, grunting through the contractions that were starting to get stronger, "We were sleeping together pretty often."

"I just forgot what having a baby looks like." Joel said, "Sarah's mom, she got pain medicine pretty quick, but her labor was pretty quick."

"My mom said her labor with Emma was nearly three days." Lily replied, rubbing her back as a contraction took over again, "It's one of the few things I remember. She had all of us at home."

"It's going to get worse before it gets better." Joel told her, "Just remember that."

---------------

By the time evening arrived, contractions were coming every two minutes. Lily was having a hard time keeping focus, so much so that she was starting to groan and growl as the contractions came over her in waves.

Then, the real challenge came as her water finally broke.

For all of the books she'd read, nothing prepared her for how strong the contractions became. No matter how Joel or Ellie tried to help, the contractions had her starting to scream, swaying from side to side and squatting as her instincts took over.

"You're getting close, honey. It won't be much longer." Joel assured her, running fingers through her hair.

The contractions came harder and harder, the pressure of the baby causing Lily to squat to get some relief.

"I can't do this, Joel." Lily cried, "I can't have a baby. I can't do this."

Joel took her by the shoulders, trying to center Lily as she panicked.

"Look at me, Lily. Yes, you can." Joel said, "You're going to have this baby, and you'll be fine."

"I don't want to do this anymore!" Lily screamed as another contraction came.

"You kind of don't have a choice." Ellie said.

Lily had managed to lean over the bed, Joel and Ellie on their side as she swayed.

"I want my mom!" Lily growled, panting as she took off her shirt, the heat becoming oppressive.

Joel and Ellie looked at each other, a silent conversation passing between each other as Lily continued to scream.

Joel placed a cool rag on the back of her neck, speaking to her as softly as he could.

"You're almost there, sweetheart. Let me check and see how close you are." Joel said, helping Lily into the bed. He helped her remove her pants, tossing them aside to take a look. Another contraction hit Lily, this time so strong that she moved nearly all the way up the bed.

"I can't do it anymore." Lily cried.

"Lily, look at me. You're almost done. I can see the baby, it's head is right there. You're gonna need to push." Joel said.

Ellie gripped Lily's hand, breathing with her as she cried.

One more contraction, and Lily began to push.

"You can do it, Lily, come on, keep going. Baby's coming." Joel said. Lily took a breath as Ellie placed a wet rag, cooled with snow, on her forehead and around her neck.

Another contraction, and Lily pushed with all her might.

"Head's out, sweet girl." Joel said.

"Get it out of me. Now." Lily cried.

"Almost there, you're doing good." Joel assured her.

"I can't do it!" Lily screamed as another contraction overtook her.

"You're doing it, Lily, keep pushing." Joel's voice was firm.

One more agonizing push, Lily screaming with all of her might, holding on to Ellie for dear life, and Joel pulled the tiny baby free, laughing incredulously.

"A son, Lily, we have a son!" He all but exclaimed, handing the wriggly, tiny baby to Lily.

"A boy?" Lily looked down and stared at the boy--her son--for the first time.

"Joel, look at him!" Lily cried, "look at our son!"

Joel leaned forward, kissing Lily's forehead.

"You did it, honey. You did it. Look at him." Joel whispered, "He's a tiny thing."

"I've never seen a baby before." Ellie whispered, her eyes locked on the tiny baby in Lily's arms.

Lily was in disbelief. The boy in her arms had the most beautiful dark hair and wide eyes. He looked so much like Joel that it took her back. She cried as her baby boy--their baby boy--cried. She brought him up to nurse, Joel giving her gentle instruction (as he'd said Sarah's mother had nursed too).

Her little boy. Her dark haired little baby. He was there. He was healthy.

As Joel and Ellie helped clean her up, they cut the cord and took the afterbirth out. Lily bled, but from what Lily could tell, it was a normal amount and nothing outrageous. As she laid in bed, nursing her new son, Ellie sat vigilantly at the end, staring constantly.

"Would you like to hold him, Ellie?" Lily asked.

"I've never held a baby." Ellie replied.

Lily leaned forward, handing Ellie the bundle in her arms. She helped Ellie adjust his head, and Ellie looked down, transfixed.

"I always wanted a little brother, never got one." Ellie whispered.

Without thinking twice, Lily said, "Now you have one."

Ellie blinked, Lily smiling slightly as she'd realized what she said.

"Joel said I was cargo." Ellie replied.

"Joel has had a hard life, Ellie." Lily reminded her, "He thinks that if he doesn't get attached it doesn't hurt as much."

Lily sighed, looking at the bundle in Ellie's arms, sleeping peacefully.

"Although now, I know. I know how much I'd hurt if I lost him, and he doesn't have a name yet." Lily whispered.

----------------

Lily left the baby with Ellie and walked outside to the porch. Joel had been sitting out there for over an hour. He was staring straight ahead. He'd washed the blood off of his hands and cleaned up as much as he could.

"What are you doing out here? Get back inside." Joel said.

Lily sat down next to him, taking his hand.

"I wanted to come check on you." Lily said.

"I'm not the one who had a baby." Joel replied.

"You helped. You kept me safe." Lily said, "You brought me my son."

"He's somethin' else, isn't he?" Joel mused, looking down at his hands.

"He looks just like you." Lily laughed.

"Don't say mean things about the baby." Joel said. Lily cracked a smile, swatting his arm.

"Joel Miller, don't joke like that. Your looks got you a hot younger wife."

"Stop that." Joel huffed, trying to pretend to be irritated.

"I couldn't have done this without you. Or without Ellie." Lily said, "I wish my parents could have met him."

"I wish Sarah could have met him." Joel said, so low Lily almost didn't hear.

"I know, baby. I like to think wherever my parents are, wherever my brothers and sisters and Sarah are, they all sent him." Lily said. Joel looked at her, an unfamiliar warmth in his eyes that Lily had never before seen.

"He needs a name." Joel offered.

"I think you should name him." Lily replied

"Why me?" Joel asked.

"Because you're his daddy. And he's going to love you." Lily said.

"There was a book, Sarah loved it, read the cover off. The boy, the main character, his name was Jesse. Sarah said if she ever got a brother, she wanted to name him Jesse."

"Bridge to Terabithia." Lily said, "I read that book, too. It was one of my favorites."

Joel looked at her, his eyes glassy. He took a deep, ragged breath, standing up and helping Lily to her feet.

"Jesse. Jesse Thomas. That's his name." Joel said, matter-of-factly, opening the door to let Lily inside first. The two saw Ellie sitting in the chair, still staring at baby Jesse, sitting next to the fire in a rocking chair.

"He has a name now." Lilly said, sitting next to Ellie to take the sleeping baby.

"What are you going to call him?" Ellie asked.

"Jesse." Said Joel, standing to take a look at the sleeping baby. Lily stood up, motioning for Joel to sit down.

"It's time you sit with your son." Lily said. She handed Jesse to Joel, the baby suddenly looking much smaller in Joel's big frame.

"I never thought I'd do this again." Joel whispered.

Lily leaned down, placing a kiss to Joel's temple. He leaned in slightly, holding Jessie's tiny hand in his own.

"You get some rest, Lily girl, I'll bring him back if he needs you." Joel promised.

Lily went back to the bed, Ellie going with her. Both fell asleep quickly, Lily feeling the events of the last day in every part of her body. Lily slept hard, not even moving, until she heard Jesse start to stir a few hours later. She sat up, looking at a snoring Ellie next to her, and walked into the living room. She leaned against the door frame, watching Joel cradle Jesse in his arms and rock him.

"Guess we should go get your mama now." Joel whispered, "She is something else, you'll see. She loves you so much."

"I love you too, you know." Lily said. Joel startled, momentarily tightening his hold on Jesse.

"I didn't see you there." Joel whispered, "He's starting to get hungry."

"Come sit. Get some rest, Joel." Lily said.

"I want to look at him some more." Joel said. Lily sat on the couch, putting Jesse to her chest to nurse. Joel sat at the end, propping his feet up and watching them.

"Being a daddy looks good on you." Lily whispered, taking Joel's hand in hers.

"I never thought I'd get to do this again." Joel confessed, "Maybe, if we get to Wyoming, and it's safe enough, maybe we could do it again."

Lily smiled so wide her cheeks hurt. "We just had him last night, and you already want another?" She teased.

"I'm gettin' old, Lily-girl. If we're gonna have more, better do it before you're changing my diapers, too."

Lily laughed so deeply that tears streamed out of her eyes. "I'd still do it, I told you, I'd follow you anywhere. But I think it'd be nice, Joel. If it's safe, I want more. This is what I always wanted."

"A baby?" Joel asked.

"No. A family." Lily replied.

"I realize I haven't...I'm probably not what you imagined..." Joel stammered.

"You're my husband, Joel. As far as I'm concerned, I've been Lily Miller since the first time you took me to bed. And I'll be Lily Miller for as long as I live. You guys are my family. This is all I've wanted. I knew what I was getting into with you, but you're a good man, Joel. And you gave me the most beautiful little boy. I hate how scary this world is now, but I have you. And I have him. And we have Ellie, too. This is all I need." Lily said.

Joel rubbed a hand over his face, leaning forward to place a kiss on Jesse's head.

"I'm gonna sleep. You get me if you need me, okay?" Joel asked.

"I promise. Get some sleep, you had a big day too." Lily replied.

Joel fell asleep quickly, making a pallet of blankets on the floor next to the bed.

Lily stayed awake for a while, staring at Jesse and watching Joel and Ellie. It had been a long road to get here, and it had been fraught with trouble.

But as Lily sat cradling her son, she allowed herself to be grateful. From the ashes of grief came something new, and for a moment, she would allow herself to feel happiness. She knew it might not last, she knew that bad things could happen.

But for now, her family slept in this cabin along with her, and in that moment, it was enough.

#Spotify #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x ofc #pedro pascal fanfic #tlou show #the last of us #ellie tlou #tlou joel #canon divergence #joel miller #joel the last of us #joel miller x you #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #tlouedit

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calamari-ao3updates · 10 months

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Warning! Long-ass post

SO!

Turtle Hot Pot is coming, don't worry, I've just got other things to get off my chest first.

After losing my drafts I just didn't do a whole lot in regards to that fic, but I'm getting back on it and have another chapter 7 ready to be finished up. Problem is, the drafts that got deleted had all the funnies. Now they've turned into crumbs of angst.

So yeah, very much looking forward to the reactions to that hehe

Anywho, I have a lot of hours on the Sims 4, most of it building houses as a way of literal fanfiction. This house is no different :D

Started building Aprils farmhouse from the 2012 series and that kind of spun out of control. Like, small farmhouse turned giant mansion out of control. 64x64 isn't nearly big enough...

Note: Early build/accidental screenshot of the house. I am in pain. The house is based roughly on and built most like this house but there are definitely some changes made to the final build.

I now have a 2012!FutureAU (like so many others-) and it is just Not Letting Me Go. I can't draw for the life of me so I'm writing a fanfiction to appease the turtle overlords while continuing the build. Which is actually kind of fun to have a visual of the place I'm writing about.

Anyway have Donnie's laboratory!

Completely finished with a small med bay, reinforced room for his wacky inventions and an observations/chemistry lab for all kinds of extra-terrestrial things Mona brings in. Her latest find was a weird-looking plant thing, hence the plants in there.

Some headcannons I gathered for Donnie's laboratory throughout my time being hyperfixated on turtles:

Kirby O'Neil gifted the farmhouse to the boys on one of their birthdays (idk which one, either eighteen or twenty-one) and gave them full permission to tear down the house and rebuild it. Simply because you cannot expect four mutant teenagers to live in a tiny house when their social network reaches into literal SPACE, nor did he want these kids to have families and expect all those people to move into the sewers of all places.

It's a big mansion, and took them three years to build and furnish the house alone. (I'll show snippets once it's furnished :P the backyard is a hot mess right now-). Afterwards they tore down the barn and rebuilt it, however the insides were custom-crafted with specialized materials (because labs).

All materials were procured via either Bishop or Mona.

The finished lab has a couple of different sections to it, as requested by both Donnie and his brothers.

The main area

The main area of his lab is where he does most of his tinkering. Either he's shoulders deep into blueprints or looking through data and whatnot, he's most likely to be found here right away.

Donnie's favourite nook in his lab is under the stairs. Usually the one place to find him late at night, illuminated by the one lantern on the back wall and the one desk lamp on the counter.

Casey decided it was also the perfect place for a fish tank, because it was away from his doohickeys and whatchamacallits. No one's complained and the fish are all thriving to Casey's surprise.

One of Donnie's most proudest trinkets is the portal, albeit secured and looked at regularly by both him and professor Honeycutt. It's known to boot up randomly and definitely isn't involved in bringing a past version of our 2012 boys into the future ;) hint hint

The Reinforced "Ticking Time-Bomb"

Raph loves referring to this place as a "ticking time-bomb", no matter how many times Donnie tries to tell him the walls are made from a special material scientists use for heat-resistant, explosion-resistant and all kinds of-resistant laboratories back on Mona's planet.

If you can't find him anywhere else, try your luck here. He might've bitten himself into a set of blueprints or experiments he absolutely couldn't wait to try.

The Med Bay

Note: ignore the succulent planter squares on the wall, I might change those. Don't like them a whole lot.

The only place he has to force Leo to step foot in. It's mostly used for routine check-ups or have Leo walk on the treadmill (bc his knee is a rice krispy and can crack so loud it makes Mikey think he'll start glowing in the dark).

Chloe made him the sunset painting (bc I headcannon her to be an art major) and Raph crocheted the plushies on the couch in case one of the kids ever have to come here for check-up and they need a buddy ;)

The desk has postcards stuck above them, Mikey being the cause behind it. He thought the space was too boring and "it needed some rizz" when asked why. So he one time asked Karai what he should hang up there and she's been sending them double postcards ever since. One for the kitchen on their fridge that has her message on it and another for Donnie's wall that only says "for the rizz".

Donnie has reportedly not tried taking them off or stopping them.

Also, peep Ricky in the corner. Guess who gave him that name.

The Lounge

Note: the blue line going through the wall on the right side is from a roof. Don't worry about it. It definitely isn't an overhead cover for Raphs chickens.

Where his brothers hang out if they want to hang out with Donnie :D

I don't know if you can tell from the first photos, but Donnie has stuck black and yellow security tape to the flooring leading from the door to the stairs. He decided that if his brothers wanted to hangout with him, they could do so in a designated space, reachable via a path that doesn't put them or his inventions, experimentations and research at risk.

The paintings were once again made by Chloe, waiting to be hung up somewhere. Leo and Raph collaborated on the ceiling planters (Leo brought the plants and Raph crocheted the strings) and Mikey stuck a hell of a lot of flower decals to the walls (and might have snuck in the unhealthy amount of butterflies, which Donnie definitely is pretending not to have known)

The toy bin is to keep the little kiddies busy and there's two pet beds in there in case Chompy decides to grace him with a visit.

The item display is definitely Casey's dumb idea and the sunflower rug definitely didn't come from Shinigami.

Donnie also decided to make the space functional aside from recreational and brought a corkboard up there, he might've asked Slash for help with that one. They needed to stick evidence somewhere, and Leo wasn't allowing it in the house. Raph and Donnie are found regularly up here, trying to crack cases they were given access to.

Mikey and Chloe regularly stick drawings up there, only to have them disappear. They got concerned Donnie was throwing them away until Raph showed them one of Donnie's many filing cabinets on the third floor; their drawings neatly sorted and safely tucked away in the various binders needed to contain them all.

If Donnie started finding more A4 drawings than other sizes pinned to the board, there definitely wasn't a reason for it.

There aren't cockroaches in the game, so let's pretend this spider is one.

Because of course Donnie has his little spyroaches roaming his lab, keeping an eye on things alongside Metalhead. Raph despises them, but has learned to tune them out.

If they hide while he specifically is hanging out at the lab, it's definitely not because Donnie has instructed them to do so.

The Observation/Chemistry Lab

It's mostly used for observation and testing of various subjects brought in by either Mona or Bishop.

He holds both video logs and written logs of his observations. It's also the place where he produces the retro-mutagen in small quantities.

The nozzles on the wall are a safety measure against harmful chemical fumes and are stocked with a generic neutralizer developed in collaboration between him, Mona and experts in the field from her home planet.

The Archive

Donnie's files on past projects, researches and all kinds of tidbits of information. There's a lot.

Anyone browsing and taking out random binders will find them filled with gibberish, words bordering illegible and photos of things that don't seem real.

If you find a shelf filled with binders containing art, you definitely didn't stumble upon his little treasury.

And that's about it!

I have a lot more headcannons but I've been working on Donnies lab in the Sims for two days, the story itself since the weekend. I really needed to share and remembered I had an entire blog dedicated to TMNT and my AO3.

I should really use this more often...

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wench-and-jezebel · 2 years

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Dark Angel Reaction: Rising

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

[Oh, shit, is it this one? I think it might be. Ack]

🤔🤔🤔 Phantom sensation??? But he got it right!? Each time!?

Bitch you almost transfused all o’ it! You went and fell asleep

☠️☠️☠️☠️ Ack. Ackkk!

[Y'all, why have you not learned proper transfusion protocolsssss; y'all need other witnessessss! To make sure you don’t pass out! She legit took field med courses at Manticore. I know this because Alec mentions it later. How does she not know proper triage?!!??!]

These. Bastards. Do NOT. HAVE A CANDLE. LIKE IT’S A DINNER DATE. [Yes they do]

“I’M READY” tf?

Ack

WHAT TF [I think this is the same group of people from the Bruno episode] ack

Hunters funeral minus the death FIRST! ACK! BRUTAL [They don't feel it tho] ANDDDDDDD??? [True]

[Apparently the weird monologues are contagious] They areeee tho

But alas, she will

[NOO HIS ACCENT] I knowwww! Herbal. Your woman’s an idiot

[That poor dude! I loved that episode, but he didn't deserve it lakdsjf] I KNOWWWWW

WHY HE REACH FOR SKETCH’S… pencil… LIKE THAT???

[DUDE I WANNA KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE LIKE THAT]

Don’t do it man! They gon burn you at the stake!

Ack still tho! [The table did not deserve that] ☠️☠️☠️☠️

[Gotta love random suspicious white dudes with buzz cuts and black trenchcoats; y'all ain't conspicuous at all]

OHHHH NOOOO

WELL DAMN! THAT WAS QUITE RUDE! [THEY KILL A DUDE… AND YOU TAKE ISSUE WITH THEM BEING. RUDE.] ☠️☠️☠️ I was calling them rude for killing him [I KNOW! YOU PROVE THE POINT!]

Sweeet lord [Apparently this whole episode is about people losing the stuff that makes them unique; Herbal lost his accent, and OC took a job that is literally so formulaic they're making her memorize a script.] Oooof 😦

Ye she’s gonna be done with this place soon

He gonna have a spinning fetus in his cornea now [Noooo]

Ouch [tbf, buddy did kinda bite off more than he could chew with that... It's like in *The Princess Bride*, when Westley jiggles his head and is like "yeah, that ain't gonna do us much good", except it's backwards, and Logan was like "ah, yes, let me stand upright on legs that haven't been used in months after having twitched an inch" ] Exactly

… Welp.

Ew. Ewwww! Why Kendra??? Whyyyyy????

[Max is a bit slow; the dude *is* Mr. Multiples] KENDRA WHYYYYY??? BLECh

Not a disfiguring accide- BOTH LEGS AND BOTH ARMS? WHAT IS THIS???

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Gon back and apologize to Normal ma’am [She kinda needed to not burn that bridge. It always annoys me when characters do that] Right?! [George did that in Dead Like Me; changed jobs, pissed off her boss in the process, and then hated the new job and had to go back. I get they don't like Normal, but he's also very lax about a lot of stuff]

Oh noo! Rainy window scene

☠️☠️☠️☠️

I love herrrrr

“I want his ass to stay crippled so he needs me” [This is healthy, Max. Bravo.] And normal.

That’s commission jobs for you [Once again, btw: Normal's employment situation is wayyy better. Like, it might not be great, but at least it's better] Yeasss

[Also, at least Cindy didn't get attacked because they were looking for Max adlkfj]

Runnnnnnn Max Runnnnnnnnnnnn

Blech [REBAR] BLECHHHHHHHHHHH

SHES LIKE WTF

[This is proof: Dean could've made it off- I mean what] ☠️☠️☠️☠️ [This Red dude had a full-fledged pipe about four centimeters across through him; the rebar was only one centimeter at most]

☠️☠️☠️☠️ Blech! Ew!

Squeak

Ack

[Didn't- didn't they tell her this already? I swear they told her that outright in the Bruno ep]

Logan is like nooooo she my blood bank now [Nah, he's not that bad]

If they don’t get tf out of his neck imma pass out [You: Get tf out of his neck… Them: Oh, show you the neck? Okay!]

BLECHHH

[Maybe don't piss off your supersoldiers, dude] RIGHT?!? [They're way stronger than you]

Who is he?? The actor I mean? [Idk. I know him --- both of them --- but haven't looked him up.] CRIMINAL MINDS! That was it!

– – –

Jezebel: Aight sooo… so far we have learned that a.) post apocalyptic drs are as dumb as doctors in the real world… “oh you say you can feel this. You can move your toe. But that shouldn’t be possible so nah you’re wrong I'm right… 10000$ pls”

Wench: I don’t think he did actually move while there, but the point still stands

Jezebel: Two: Herbal without the accent makes me so sad! His girlfriend doesn’t deserve him!

Wench: I KNOWWWW. This is trueeee!

Jezebel: And tres: this has been the gahdamn bloodiest episode thus far and I do not appreciate it… 🤢🤢🤢🤢

– – –

I love OC so muchhhh [Me tooo]

Runnnnn boo!!! [I take back what I said about OC not getting attacked for Max's shite] 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ma’am better take out her own insurance

[I love he- OH SHIT IT'S *THIS* ONE] Aaaaaaahck! Neck shit

Blech

[tbf, she pulls off the bleeding eyes. Though the physical acting in this scene leaves much to be desired]

Welp now OC is gonna know [Yup] Tbf if I was max I’d be like look here woman!! I told you this already

“Do you see blood?” ye lots of it

[So much for Max's "too bad he's getting the use of his legs back"; his mobility is saving her life]

Blechhhhh

Aaachhkkkkkk

I’m over here dying; my husband’s laughing… Blech [Ma'am, it's stage blood and rubber skin]

Seizure stopped

I feel ya OC I FEEL YA

Blechhhh

["The truth" Ma'am, you tried that once already] ☠️☠️☠️ I think she’ll believe her this time tho ☠️☠️☠️

["I thought about telling you a million times" BRO SHE DID TELL YOU] And then she goes you ain’t gotta lie max.

Ooooop new ship unlocked 🤣🤣🤣 [I mean- OC does have a high degree of Respect for Max] Y’all just kiss and make up… sheeesh [OC is one of the first to act like Max is the leader despite her having 0 deserving traits] Awwwww… Think maybe this is why tho? [Yeah, I'm thinking… It's been something I wondered for a while]

Y'all, this scene is. SiStErLy fRiEnDsHiP

[Okay but can we talk about Normal following up his rant about her slacking off with "get some eye drops"??? That's vaguely sweet] This is very true

Oh, Normal, the smugness… I love it [ONCE AGAIN. Don't burn bridges until you're sure about stuff.]

[tbf, I think OC is a goddess, actually] SHE ISSS 😭😭

I LOVE THEMMMMM [HERBAL IS BACK! The real Herbal! The one who’s not pretending to be someone else!]

He’s gonna tickle her with his new moving toes

[Okay, that was a really weird shot, just saying] ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ [I swear, all of these episodes end with Max/Logan scenes…] Hmmm maybe… Just maybe… Cause they are the main characters ☠️🤣🤣🤣 [ Waits not so patiently for s2]

And now it works soo-

Oh ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Circlesssssssss

– – –

Jezebel: And another one bites the dust! One step closer to Bennnnnn!

Wench: :))) FINALLY! I have been waiting!

Jezebel: That’s gonna be quite the unhinged episode review…

Wench: IT WILL! *acts like a reporter and shoves a microphone at you* Got any thoughts before we get there?

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m nervous! Mainly because I know how it ends

Wench: Oh nooo

Jezebel: And ya girls not readyyyy! Imma be over here crying; my husband will be laughing (again) and you’ll be trying to remind me Alec is only a few eps away… It’s gonna be a mess

Wench: It's the best ep of s1! Take the best episode you've seen and make it wayyy better!

Jezebel: 🙂 And for that I’m excited. Soooo like Nervocited? Pretty sure that’s on MLP ☠️☠️☠️

Wench: We still have so many episodessss (but I think the episode with Ishim is coming up too, and I remember liking that one. It was my favorite of the pre-Jackles eps)

Jezebel: Oooo 🙂

Wench: Okay, BUT. That's for the future, so… Endpoint thoughts?

Jezebel: I’m glad OC is in the loop now! Even though technicallyyyyy she always has been… she just didn’t know it 🤣 Wish the writers would have thought of that. It would have been cute banter… But alas they are stoopid 🤣 kidding… kinda

Wench: This is true!

Jezebel: The scene with Logan standing did in fact look weird.. would have been better to have him stand off screen and take a step into view

Wench: THANK YOU

Jezebel: I like Logan’s friend, but, as always my faves are still Jam Pony!

Wench: See, going back to the thing earlier… That's what kinda causes me a bit of issue with the OC/Max bit. Like, do I think it's a possibility? Definitely. But I'm not sure I want it to be? Max is a highly questionable character now, and she gets worse in s2, and I love OC, so I really want her to have a decent ending

Jezebel: Is there any OC/Max stuff out there? There has to be lol! And this is very trueee!

Wench: idk, you know me and my mostly-not-reading-fic. I read some of @witchy-writer-lady’s works, but that was basically the extent of my Dark Angel fandom involvement. (It was before I got access to the show and was curious about the plot with no other way of figuring out what was going on, so I peeked at the non-smut Alec fics on AO3)

Jezebel: But like maybe OC can change herrrr 👀☠️☠️

Wench: alsadflkjsf THIS IS TRUE! And also, I do sometimes do the thing where I'm like "Well, I don't like them, but if they make Favored Person happy, I guess it's okay..."

Jezebel: Fairrr… And! BLECCHHHHH! the blooooodddddygorrinesssssss!! I’m not ok! Neither are the dudes, tbf, but me most

Wench: This is fair… I think it's the goriest we get

Jezebel: I was like oh surely it won’t be— oh. It is— OH ITS BAD! ACK!

Wench: Deepest apologies! It was not the episode I thought it was, and I'd forgotten it existed! I couldn't have warned you if I wanted to :] There's an episode with Big Drama about the wheelchair thing

Jezebel: 🥺🥺🥺

Wench: That’s the episode I thought it was, and it was not! But anyway, that’s upcoming.

Jezebel: 😤😤😤 With that I think my last thought is… ACK

#dark angel #dark angel reactions #reactions #episode reactions #s01e12 #rising #max guevara #logan cale #normal #original cindy #herbal thought #sketchy #jezebel (pr)

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sunnyie-eve · 1 year

Text

5 || Believe In Me

Series: Trust | Maze Runner (Thomas x OFC)

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: none

A/N: Might be a few mistakes

| MASTERLIST |

"Last time you did something like that, going against Gally, was when you broke up with him." Newt says, making me glare at him.

"He's gotta be put in his place and I have faith in Thomas. He's different." I explain to him.

"Because he reminds you of yourself... the curious side." Newt rubs my shoulders as I sit back down.

"I hate whoever put us here. Why make us go through all this?" I try to calm down.

"Wish I had an answer for that." Newt says as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I believe Thomas will get us out of here." I say what I feel.

"I hope so." Newt says as Clint and Jeff rush in.

"It's the girl." Newt rushes out while I take my time.

I see the guys trying to calm her down as she throws supplies down at them from the tower. Even with me trying to talk to her she doesn't stop till Thomas shows up and she lets him up.

"Did you lose yourself like that?" Minho asks me.

"Dude, I ran straight into the maze and got lost for a few days..." I say making the guys look at me then look away.

"What's going in up there?" Gally asks Thomas.

"Is she coming down?" Newt asks him.

"Hey, listen, you guys just give us a second, okay?" Thomas says so I agree.

"All right. Come on." I tell the guys still standing around.

"Is this what all girls are like?" Fry asks making me slap his shoulder.

"Gally, let's go." I tug on his arm so he turns to leave.

"What's with you?" Gally grabs my hand stopping me from walking away with Newt.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"Letting the Greenie get away with breaking rules, letting him talk to her alone... not panicking about the box not going back down. Wanting to keep Alby tied up to the bed..."

I cut him off, "I am panicking about the Box but I can't let everyone see that a Gally. I'm keeping Alby in here because I can't just throw him in the maze... he saw me when I was super broken and he helped me after me being alone here for a month. And the Greenie's name is Thomas, and I may seem that way to you, but he's the only person who's actually making progress in that maze." I explain to him trying not to yell at him.

"You've known him for two days Elizabeth. How can you trust him so much?" Gally let's go of my hand.

"Because he reminds me of myself when I first got here and I believe he can get us out of here." I huff.

"I can't believe you."

I laugh at him, "This is the main reason I broke up with you."

He raises an eyebrow, "What? You broke up with me because of Thomas? Who wasn't even here yet..."

I slap his chest getting upset, "You're so stupid Gally... Because you never believed in me and my choices I made for the Glade. You always tried to make me do what you thought was best. You have always made me feel like I wasn't good enough to run this place or even be here." I can't help but cry.

"Bess,"

I shake my head at him, "Stop calling me that please. Especially right now." My voice cracks.

"Elizabeth, I never meant to make you feel that way." He brings his hand to my face but I step back.

"If you didn't... you still wouldn't make me feel that way. Especially when you loved me." I laugh with tears in my eyes.

"I still do." He sighs making me close my eyes.

"Then you have no excuse." I walk away from him and Newt joins me.

"Don't cry about him." Newt wipes my tears away as we walk to the med hut. Thomas ends up coming in with Teresa with the syringes she came up with.

"We don't know who sent it, or why it came up here with you. I mean, for all we know, this could kill him." Newt tells him and I take it from him.

"Newt, he's already dying. I don't think this is going to make it any worse. It's all we got." I say making him look at me and agree with me. "Do it." I give it back to Thomas.

Thomas, Newt, Clint, and Jeff have to hold him down while Teresa stabs him with it. Newt says someone has to stay and watch Alby around the clock. "Hey. Sundown, Greenie. Time to go." Gally comes in to get Thomas.

"So you were the only girl before I showed up?" Teresa asks me as we watch Alby alone.

"Yeah." I nod my head.

"When did you come up?" She asks.

"I was the very first. I'm in charge around here." I let her know making her laugh.

"I bet some of the guys hate following orders from a girl."

I start to laugh, "Very little. Most respect me because I've gone through a lot."

She pats my knee, "I can imagine how stressed you are right now with me showing up and the Box not going back down."

I nod my head, "I won't let these guys see though. I hate showing my weak side to them."

"Hearing how long you've been here and still being the top, you've proven yourself to these guys."

I give her a smile, "Thank you. Can you watch Alby? I'll go get you something to eat." I leave the hut getting food for her taking it to her then go back to sneak some to Thomas.

"Who's there?" Thomas asks.

"Just me. I would've said the only girl but that's not true anymore." I laugh sitting on the ground next to the door.

"Sorry, Lizzie." He says making me smile.

"Here. You'll run better on a full stomach." I hand him the food through the bars.

"Thanks, Lizzie." I let out a giggle confusing him.

"When did you decide to call me Lizzie?"

"Well Chuck calls you that so I thought I could." He says nervously.

"Chuck was the only one that calls me that but you can too." I say making him smile some.

"What's between you and Gally? I saw you two talking when I was with Teresa. Looked like you were crying."

I let out a big sigh, "We used to date. I know, hold your laugher." I watch Thomas's face.

"Why?" He laughs.

"He wasn't my first pick of the litter at least." I laugh.

"Excuse me?" He laughs.

"Before him, there was a small thing with someone else but it wasn't right that way." I explain.

"Let me guess, Newt?" I nod my head.

"We love each other but not that."

"Did or do you still love Gally?" He asks making me look over at the fire in the distance.

"Part of me will always have a spot for him even though he hurt me." I try not to tear up.

"Please tell me not physically." Thomas gets up walking over to me.

"No, not physically. It was him never believing in me which lead to me breaking up with him. Never in the choices, I made for the Glade. Always tried to make me do what he thought was best. Always makes me feel like I'm not good enough here. He then tried saying he didn't mean for it to come off that way." I laugh as Thomas reaches out grabbing my hand taking me by surprise.

"I've been here for two days and I know you're good enough for the Glade. You told your biggest secret before everyone knew it which proved you're the best to be in charge. Who else has survived multiple nights in the maze? You. And you aren't showing anyone how stressed you are right now with Alby stung, with how the box isn't going back down, and suddenly another girl coming up being the last one ever." He gives my hand a squeeze.

"Thank you, Tommy."

I make him smile, "Who said you can call me Tommy?" We both laugh as Chuck comes up.

"I brought him food." Chuck tells me.

"Looks like you get extra food. I should go before Gally realizes I'm being biased." I get up leaving them to talk.

"How's your ankle?" Minho walks into my bunk area.

"Feeling better. Don't need the crutches that much anymore." I give him a smile.

"Newt told me Gally was getting to you again." He comes to sit by me.

"Newt tells you everything." I lay back.

"Well, we're the only ones who know how much he affects you. Newt's your best friend, and I'm basically your brother." He pokes my side.

"I don't see the resemblance." I joke with him.

"I hate you." He laughs.

"I love you too, Minho." I sigh.

"Hey, I'm proud of you. Learning about you in the maze, calling the shots to make Thomas a runner, not breaking under the pressure. I hope you see why we all believe in you running the Glade. You've proven yourself and we look up to you." I start to cry at his words making him pull me up into his arms.

"That means so much to me. You, Newt, Thomas, hell the new girl Teresa has told me this all in one day." I wipe my tears away laughing.

"Why is she crying? Why are you crying?" Newt shows up.

"They're happy tears." I let him know as he joins the hug.

#maze runner #the maze runner #tmr thomas #thomas maze runner #tmr newt #newt maze runner #tmr minho #minho maze runner #tmr teresa #teresa maze runner #tmr fanfic #the maze runner fanfic #dylan o'brien #thomas brodie-sangster #ki hong lee #kaya scoledario #will poulter #gally maze runner #tmr gally

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jerzwriter · 2 years

Text

Sunday Six

So, I should show my WIP file to my therapist right now - she'd be like "Yeah, the ADHD meds might need a little adjustment." lol And she'd be accurate.

Here's a list of what I've got coming up. Anything in orange has a Sunday Six/Sneak Peek below the break.

Friends 6 - Finale / T/C will be out by this Tuesday

Vegas Part 3 / E/C will be out by Saturday 10.15 no fic preview because y'all have already seen enough, BUT I have a sneak peek of an art commission associated with the chapter below.

Grandparents Day 3 / T/C will also be out by Saturday 10.15

4 Halloween Requests 3 for E/K and 1 for T/C, are in the works

The first Delaying the Inevitable: What If... is in progress, and t is for this ask: Ethan & Casey find their way back to each other many years later (aka Elsa's other version lol)

3 Smut Fics - one for each pairing - will be up before the end of the month in honor of smutober/kinktober - whatever you want to call it, lol

Tobias & Casey's HC I'll be focusing a lot on this since I want to get their wedding up by their "Wedding Date" of November 12th because... mental health issues. lol So After Grandparent's Day 3, I'm going to loop back to their HC - which will take us to the chemical attack.

Wake the Dead, I think I'm going to start at the start - shorter fics to expand on canon. As I progress, I think I'm going to write a different ending - one my HC and the other a really angsty AU.

TWO UPCOMING MINI-SERIES: RESET - Ethan x F!MC, Ethan x F!OC, Other pairings, and WHERE IT GOES FROM HERE - Tobias x F!OC, Tobias x F!MC (Past) These are both in the works - but I have decided that I'm not putting either up until they are fully written. Then, when I post them, it will be one chapter a week without break. I think that's best for my readers and me. :)

I told you - it's a dark and scary place...

Friends 6 - Finale / Tobias x Casey (F!MC) "You know," Jake laughed, "I totally thought the two of them were a thing when we met."

"Wait!" Claudia exclaimed, "How did you and Casey meet?" "At s Sox game...."

Tobias's eyes met Casey's for a brief second before she turned away, the look on her face left him desperate to stop the exchange. "It's not important..." Tobias interrupted, but Jake continued.

"... I was sitting behind them, and she impressed the hell out of me. No man in his right mind lets a woman this smart, this beautiful, and who knows this much about our hometown heroes getaway. That and the way they bantered... plus she never called me after... so I assumed..."

"We covered this before," Bryce interjected. "We all did."

Delaying the Inevitable: What If... / Ethan x Casey, Tobias x Casey

"Do you ever hear from him?" she whispered.

"Tobias?" Ethan asked, an array of emotions awash on his face. "No...it's been... years. Hardly at all since he left Boston."

"I'm sorry," she lamented. "Sometimes I feel like... you know, never mind."

"No," he replied, instinctively grabbing her hand as if he feared she would disappear. "I want you to continue. Casey, we have been able to talk about anything except him, and I think that should stop."

"Why bring up bad memories, Ethan? How does that help either of us?"

Their Start, Chapter 10 (T/C HC) / Tobias x Casey

He rushed through the halls with conviction, he had to see her. His heart refused to accept that she could be gone within days... within hours, the thought too painful to conceive. But he was a doctor and he knew her chances, and they were slim. If she were a patient he'd convince the family to pray for a miracle... but he didn't think miracles were real.

Losing her would be unbearable, but if she left this world before he could apologize, before he could atone and let her know the regret that was eating him inside, that he could not bear. He had to see her.

But as he came to a quick stop before the glass that was her only view into the outside world, his pounding heart went still.

"Casey..." he muttered, his voice but a painful plea... this was a mistake.

Wake the Dead Unnamed / Eli x Zoe (F!MC)

He sat in a darkened corner, removed from the rest under the guise of keeping watch. And keep watch he did, for drones, of course, but also over this cluster of strangers he found himself inadvertently aligned with. All the years of voluntary solitude, solitude he instituted for his very survival, was relinquished in an instant. He expected to be angry, enraged, making plans to find his way off on his own... but instead, he sat watch over a group of people he didn't even want to know but somehow felt responsible for.

~~~~~

She had wanted to sit by the window, and he was baffled that she wouldn't listen to reason. In spite of everything, she had seemed to be so sensible before. But that was their first scuffle on the first of many nights they were now bound to spend together. It wasn't safe, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Grabbing a blanket, she turned away from him and sat on the floor, her glassy eyes focused on a large painting of a meadow. She was almost entranced. That's where he had left her hours before, so he was shocked to find her still there, gaunt, pale, almost unrecognizable from the woman he saw in action that day.

He should keep walking. There was no reason for him to stay. No words he was required to offer. But he found himself standing over her; she didn't so much as flinch.

"The others are already asleep." He stated the obvious. His voice was heavy, almost robotic in tone. Several moments of silence hung and started to turn away.

"The others didn't lose their sister today," she croaked.

He shut his eyes and turned his head away, even as he moved several steps closer.

"I know. And I know you may not feel it now, but you'll be OK."

His voice was cold, yet somehow comforting. She didn't know how, but she knew he understood.

"I know," she said with a deep sigh. "I'll be fine by the time the sun rises. I have no choice. There's work to be done. But right now, I don't have to be OK."

Perma:@a-crepusculo @aishwarya26 @animesuck3r @annfg8 @annoyingmillenialnewbie @bex-la-get @binny1985 @bluebelle08 @bluerosesbloom @cariantha @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @danijimenezv @different4strawberry @differenttyphoonwerewolf @doriopenheart @fayeswiftie @forallthatitsworth @genevievemd @inlocusmads @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @kingliam2019 @liaromancewriter @lilypills @lucy-268 @mainstreetreader @mysticalgalaxysstuff @ofmischiefandmedicine @onikalover @openheartforeverinmyheart @peonierose @peonyblossom @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @schnitzelbutterfingers @secretaryunpaid @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam @toadfrog26 @trappedinfanfiction @uneravine @youlookappropriate @zahrachoices @jerzwriter-reblogs-asks @choicesficwriterscreations

#sunday six #cfwc sunday six #open heart fanfic #wake the dead #choices fanfic #ethan ramsey #tobias carrick #eli sipes #playchoices fanfic

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kaerichan-yatta · 2 years

Text

Kaeri probably won't be back before April

i'm not going to lie at all here. so beware for strong content

it's the third time i attempt sv1cide and i've r3laps3d five times this week.

i passed out in the school bathroom from losing too much bl00d and i scared Ash and my sister way too much

my father still doesn't know about this and i don't think i'll ever tell him

fact is that on Sunday i was mentally unstable and my desk was messy, so he ordered me to tidy up

i did as told, but apparently "i took too much time" and he started yelling at me while gritting his teeth*, cursing and calling me "a useless stupid being", "sh1thead", "fvcking nuisance" and thing like this

*(my father gritting his teeth is the most big trauma i had as a child. my father started chasing me around the house, treatening to beat me while gritting his teeth. that's why i'm terrified whenever he's angry)

he cancelled every single of my programs, such as going to a cosplay con (thus making everyone else in the group cancel the exhibition we were preparing)

he forbidded me to message my sister for comfort or going out with my friends

he wished me the psychologist will tell me i just need his (my father's) slaps to "learn how to move my ass"

he forced me in my room telling me to go out only for the bathroom

and he yelled that he didn't want to see me again until dinner.

that's when i had my strongest panick attack. i started not to understand nothing and then i started cvtt1ng my arm h4rder and d33per than i've ever did

i risked passing out again because i didn't eat anything yet and my mental stability was completely destroyed.

i lost a huge amount of bl00d and part of the skin on my arm was literally r1pped open

i slept all day for preventing me to do things that i won't say and indeed it worked

three days passed and me and my father still kinda hate each others

my mom is trying to solve the situation but, as i'm terrified of my father, i temporally refuse to talk to him

one of my best friends forced me to get bandaged and now my arm hurts really bad but at least it's bandaged and i think it's healing, even if i still need a proper medication

other problems that are going on in the meantime is my mental need to get a boyfriend.

today is Valentine's Day huh? how cute!!

i can't tell how much i hate this day. last year this day got me a huge trauma which destroyed my confidence (self and with others) tenfold.

the person who LITERALLY EVERYONE thought was going to be my Valentine took his ex girlfriend and started doing l3wd things right in front of me and my other friends at a party

might be sound selfish? he's one of the boys who just wanted what's between my legs

and sometimes i start to think, is it my faul for being hetero?

what if i was a lesbian?

or a pansexual?

the other day, one of my friends told me that before getting to know me better, she was so much into me, but then i told her i was hetero and she changed her mind.

this k1lled me inside and i started blaming myself for being only into boys.

----

with all this said, i don't think i can stand this anymore.

my mental health keeps worsening day by day, if not hour by hour.

i'm patiently waiting February 23rd which is my first appointment with a psychologist and i'm a little bit relieved to know this

see you whenever i get better...thanks for reading all this, remember to drink and eat properly, care about yourself and take your meds!<3

<33

#kaeri talking #kaeri venting #mental healt #///#update - worse #<3

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decoloraa · 2 years

Note

Okay so you said you needed more Neil hcs so I've volunteered as tribute to info dump on you if that's cool? *Disclaimer some of these hcs have been adopted from other tumblrinos who also fixate on the effective chaos that is Briggs*

1) SOMEHOW Neil always loses his shirts in the laundry. They always end up in someone else's drawers despite the fact that his taste in fashion is atrocious *ahem* unique and eclectic (and frankly I love him for it) - side note, I wish they were included in the anime but as an animation student I 100% understand why they didn't and I'm obligated to support the animators' rights to not want to blind themselves (sorry Neil but your manga shirts would be the bane of an animator's existence)

2) A flavour of ADHD. I feel like he hyperfixates on automail and that's why he's so darn good at it. Might also explain why he ended up at Briggs, Amestris' punishment post, as I doubt other commanders have much patience

3) Tagging on from number 2, he can probably make automail out of anything. Want a blender attachment? Give him 3 days, he'll get one working. Will it be effective against Drachman soldiers? Probably not? Will every engineer at the fort marvel at the fact that it works? Probably. Would it be the embodiment of complete and utter chaos, and therefore drive Val mad? Absolutely.

4) Very much follow your vibes about him being the talkiest/generally happy of the doctors there - he just has a very chill, happy-go-lucky vibe. I mean the amount of times I've replayed him leaving the Elric's in the prison cell like "take it up with the General", the absolute swagger this man has

5) Very much agree that he's an automail mechanic but medical adjacent. If Winry and Pinako can do automail surgery you bet your buck so can he. Side note, I didn't fully realise until recently that he's probably gone through the same basic training as all the other soldiers, I always figured that the doctors at Briggs worked for the military but weren't necessarily in it because of their lack of uniform. But then when Ed asked to be let out, he straightens up to attention with the rest and is just like "Not allowed to do that, sorry". This realisation got me into the thought of wtf would he look like in uniform but that's a topic for another day.

6) Pretty sure he's a smoker. But when he's inside (especially when on duty) I guess he uses a toothpick/stick as a texture thing?

7) Not necessarily a headcanon, but his surname is FLINT. He's got red hair and his surname is FLINT. The anime also doesn't do his hair colour justice - in the few first pages that get coloured, his hair is much brighter

Also I feel the need to show you my favourite manga panel of him which I've title "naptime" for the lolz - but seriously, of all the people to be shown collapsed during the promised day? I love that it's them with their overpriced coffee

YES *PLEASE* info dump on me, I love these HCs!!

1) I've read the manga but I never noticed his shirts omg 😭 Neil is an absolute mess. Now I have the picture of Val finding Neil's shirts in his closet and absolutely losing his mind (I mean Neil would eventually run out of shirts. Does he then get someone else's stuff??)

2) I love this. Briggs taking anyone who isn't welcomed at other command centers is my fav concept about them. He must've lost his mind when he first came there and was ALLOWED to go wild and fixate on his automails.

3) PLEASE THIS IS SO ACCURATE Val would hate it, even more when the most craziest automails always work in the end. Val and Patricia coming into the meds room in the morning to find Neil making an all nighter bc he wanted a back massage automail 😭

4) He really is the absolute swagger. He's the coolest and most chill person at Briggs and everyone knows it.

5) I thought about this too!!! I think it would be important for Olivier that they went through the most basic military training so they would be able to protect themselves? Briggs is a dangerous place and they can't always place a soldier near them in case something happens.

6) Oh yes that makes sense!

7) Thanks for the tip, I'll look into it! Yes he looks only vaguely ginger in the anime.

Tbh I that panel fits to them out of context like this, I feel like these two can be quite dramatic (or they like acting like it). AND THE OVERPRICED COFFEE AGDSKSHA I wonder if it is a normal concept there or of they just started it to mess with Ed (and to get his precious state alchemist wage)

These were really interesting and helpful, thanks a lot 🙏

#these validated some thoughts I had about interactions between the doctor trio #Neil and Casther would be so chaotic together #neil flint #always feel free to info fump on me i love reading other ppls specific Briggs thoughts

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kart0 · 2 years

Text

meds update plus rant: day 10

I knooow, I knowww no one cares and this is a blog just for me but I'm sorry I skipped day 7 ! I got so overwhelmed and cried a lot and I just forgot to do it, I was rlly tired

anyways, honestly I can't remember at all what happened...

I did have a pretty bad mental breakdown, because I had to do a writing for uni and it took me 6 hours to finally do it. I was sitting in my desk my notebook opened in front of me and my iPad with the article opened and I just. I just couldn't. and it's hard to explain when someone asks "well what have you been doing in these 6 hours you were procrastinating ?" because. I literally did not do anything. I was definitely stressed and paranoid tho. I kept opening twitter and closing it bc I had one thing in mind and it was "do the writing. do the writing." and it kept going on repeat and... sigh... if I at least used these hours to relax or have fun, just, no, I didn't and I didn't do anything. I don't know why, it is always so frustrating. but I was able to eventually and it took me only 20 minutes to do so.

everything was going alright. I submitted my writing ( at 3am ), then went to uni, took 2 exams which were in pairs so it went fairly well. I was really, really happy with myself cuz even tho it took me 6 hours to do it I actually did everything I had to do.

and then I had another writing to do. and it started well ! for 2 minutes

and then I procrastinated for 7 hours. at 11pm I was already sobbing because I was so frustrated with myself. it's so easy ! just do it ! just start it ! you have to do it then just do it it's that fucking obvious ! and at 1am my dad entered my room ( originally to scold me for being awake at that hour ) and he saw my red nose and puffy eyes and asked me why I was crying, and I said because I had to do this project. and he then said "do it then" and left the room and I started crying again. I really hate myself. and then, at 3am I realised i wouldn't be able to do this work, and also I had to study for the exam I'd have on that day. so I went to sleep. and I felt so incredibly defeated. I lost. I always lose in the end, no matter how much I'm working hard, or how good things are going, bc the previous day I had managed to do it, and then it all fell apart.

of course i struggled with the exam and I failed my test. and when I got back home I just laid in bed and I felt really...weird. like. definitely bad but I felt really. idk, but it was bad. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't cry, I wasn't able to focus on social media at least to distract myself, I couldn't sleep. I also had not eaten anything basically all day which definitely did not help at all and I think in fact it made things worse

but then now is day 10. and I am done with my exams. I went to a bday party ( that was on a bar ) and I had a bloody Mary for the first time. it was good. caught up with some old friends. I'm really proud of myself for staying alive, taking my meds and not forgetting a single day, even if I might not be able to take every time at the same hour oof. but I feel proud I think.

I definitely need to checkout on a adhd/add specialist, my current therapist is more focused on depression and grieving haha. there are some days like today that I really feel hopeful for my future. and I feel like I really want to improve. but it's rather rare, most of the time I want to die and feel like I'm condemned to live miserably forever

as for side effects, I don't remember if I said it but sometimes my hands shake pretty bad and my body feels weird and hot and I can't focus, but it usually lasts 10 minutes and then I'm alright. this only happened 3 times that I remember. I also lost basically all my appetite which... is definitely bad because uhm I have an eating disorder and body image issues so I'm like, torn. I'm happy that I'm not eating but I don't like that I'm celebrating this thoughts I don't want them to win yet at the same time I'm thinking how much weight I'm going to lose and unfortunately it excites me. I'm trying to eat properly. I also became really tired on the last two days, like really really tired and sleepy all day but when I go to sleep I suddenly get anxious and it'll take me longer to sleep. for now I think that's all.

I hope things get better for me. this update was long, and I apologize. I will try to keep up with the schedule I made. goodnight :•]

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

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lifetimeshipper · 7 months

Text

Life's New Adventures and Secrets

Chapter 4

~~~~~~~~~~

"Dad!" Nightback ran over to see what had happened, leaving Seajumper and Emberwing alone. The two looked at each other before looking back at their friend. Drift and Strongarm take Steeljaw to Med Bay and lay him down, and Strongarm and Fixit see to him. He was all dented in with a big slash going across his stomach.

"Mom, what happened? Is Dad okay?"

"Not sure, he's been wounded really bad."

"Drift, can you take Nightback outside please?" Fixit asked as he started working on Steeljaw. With a nod, Drift ushered the young mech outside.

Strongarm managed to stop the leaking of Energon, "Don't you dare leave us, Steeljaw. Don't you dare leave me." Lubricant started forming in her optics. He was in critical condition and Strongarm and Fixit weren't sure if he was going to make it.

STEELJAW!! Strongarm sent him a wave of longing and worry. He couldn't leave her and their son. DON'T LEAVE US, STEELJAW!! WE NEED YOU, I NEED YOU!! Strongarm and Fixit start patching up the wound and Fixit injects some Energon into him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightback was outside with Drift, looking at the Alchemor with worry, "Will dad be okay?" He asked with lubricant forming in his optics. His mom was scared and he didn't know why.

"I'm sure he will be."

"What happened?"

"We were looking for scattered Decepticons and two got the jump on us, one of them got into it with your mother, he was getting ready to take her out when your father attacked him to save her life. He got into a fight with him and the 'Con beat him down."

"But how can Dad lose? He never loses."

"They were Wolf-Cons and the one he fought just so happened to be stronger than him. I would also guess that he was too concerned for your mother's well-being that he wasn't fully focused on the fight, and actually, he has lost fights before."

"He has?"

"Yes, a few to Bumblebee and even one to your mother, though he was never wounded like this." Nightback curled his servos into fists as anger washed over him like a storm. "The last thing you need is to be controlled by anger," Drift told him.

"Listen to Drift, Nightback." Nightback gasped as he backed away from Metalsound, who had managed to sneak up on them while in her beast form. "You must promise that you will stay here and let the grown-ups deal with this."

"I promise."

"Good, the twins will stay with you, Seajumper, and Emberwing. Drift, Bumblebee needs your help, Megatron and the others are on their way to help him. I'll stay with Strongarm," she told the warrior as she left to keep an optic on Strongarm. Drift heads off to meet up with Bumblebee.

Nightback stayed where he was and Emberwing slowly approached him in her beast form, "Nightback, are you okay?"

"My dad is seriously wounded and might die. Do you think I'm okay?" He snaps at her.

Seajumper places a servo on his shoulder, "We know it's hard for you right now. We're both here for you."

"I would also be upset if Papa or Oka-san got hurt," Emberwing responded quietly.

Seajumper nodded in agreement, "Me too, none of us likes to see our parents in this state."

The twins walked over to check on the three, "Don't worry, Nightback. Steeljaw's going to be alright," Slipstream tried to comfort the sparkling.

"How can you be sure? Even Mom looks so worried, that's what's worrying me."

"Because he has you and your mom waiting for him to wake up."

"Yeah, you're right." Nightback got an idea, "Why don't we play a game to help pass the time?"

"OK, what game do you want to play?"

"Hide and seek, you two can go first," Nightback replied with a grin, much to Emberwing's and Seajumper's confusion.

"Alright, we'll count." The twins close their optics and start counting. Nightback motioned for the others to follow him as he tip-toed away and the others followed.

"What are we doing?" Seajumper asked in a whisper.

"What do you think? We're going after the Decepticon that hurt my dad," he snapped quietly.

"Oh, I see now."

"But won't we get in trouble? Oka-san said something about there being a lot of Decepticons roaming around," Emberwing said as she followed the boys.

"Don't be such a girl," Seajumper said in a snappy tone.

"Says the one that got chased by a girl yesterday," Emberwing countered. Seajumper just mumbled to himself.

They leave the scrapyard, and Emberwing and Nightback have their noses to the ground as they enter the forest, mist surrounding them. "What are we supposed to be looking for?" Emberwing asked feeling cold from the drop in temperature.

"For any traces of the Wolf-Con that attacked my parents."

Seajumper and Emberwing froze, "Did you say Wolf-Con?" They asked in unison.

"Yeah. Uncle Drift said that it was Wolf-Cons that attacked them."

"We're no match for fully grown Wolf-Cons," Seajumper said as he was suddenly filled with fear.

"How do we even know what to look for?" Emberwing asked.

"Here's Dad's Energon trail, let's follow it, and maybe we'll be led to the 'Con."

"But what if they find you first?" Emberwing and Seajumper yelped when they heard Jetstorm's voice.

"What are you doing here, Jetstorm?" Nightback asked his optics wide in surprise.

"We could ask the same for the three of you," Slipstream countered, "Did you really think you could sneak away?"

"Well, thought we'd try."

"And we're leaving, it's too dangerous to be here," Slipstream told them as he ushered them back the way they came.

"Aw come on, Slipstream. I need to find the Wolf-Con that hurt my father."

"You need to let the others deal with this, they're trained to deal with Wolf-Cons," Jetstorm told him.

Emberwing sniffed the air before letting out a low growl, "Something's out there."

They heard chuckling as two Wolf-Cons stepped out from behind some trees. Seajumper and Emberwing hid behind the twins while Nightback growled at them, he made himself stand tall to look intimidating but he was trembling. "Are you the Wolf-Cons that hurt my dad?"

"Your dad?" The green and red Wolf-Con asked with a mocking tone. He looked like Steeljaw except his armor was completely green with red highlights and red optics.

"You better not be talking about Steeljaw," the other Wolf-Con states. He's also like Steeljaw, but his armor is completely black with red highlights and red optics. "Our sister won't take too kindly to the idea of him having a sparkling."

"Stay back 'Cons!" Jetstorm says as he and Slipstream get out their weapons.

The two Wolf-Cons laughed, "And what are you puny mechs gonna do?" The black and red Wolf-Con asked.

"You three, run while we hold them back," Jetstorm says as he and Slipstream prepare to attack the Wolf-Cons. Seajumper and Nightback jumped onto Emberwing's back and the young femme took off running. After seeing the Wolf-Cons up close and how scary they are, Nightback regretted going out looking for them.

The Wolf-Cons just swatted at the twins, knocking them away, before running after the sparklings. Emberwing leaped over a fallen tree as she tried to keep a good distance between her and the Wolf-Cons. All she wanted to do was cry in fear but her instinct was telling her to just run.

The Wolf-Cons quickly caught up to them and the black and red one sunk his claws into Emberwing's hind legs making her scream in pain, Nightback turned around and bitch slapped the Wolf-Con in the face making him let go of the young femme's hind leg. Emberwing tried to run again but she lost her footing and fell to the ground, she looked up in fear as Nightback and Seajumper put themselves between her and the Wolf-Cons.

The Wolf-Con that was slapped by Nightback laughed as he walked closer to them, "You're a feisty pup. I think we'll take you with us," he said as he reached for him. But before he could grab the sparkling, Metalsound jumps between them to stop him, growling viscously at the 'Con.

"GET. AWAY!" She growls warningly at him. The two Wolf-Cons look at her in surprise at first but then a devilish smirk crosses both their faces.

"And just who might you be, sweetspark?" The black and red one asked with charm and seduction lacing his voice. Metasound's growling started dying down, even though she tried her hardest to keep it viscous, as she started getting this strange feeling. She doesn't know what it is or what's going on.

Grimlock and Predaking run over to them and attack the two Wolf-Cons but, as nimble as they are, they manage to avoid their attacks and run off. Grimlock and Predaking get ready to run after them but Metalsound stops them, "Let them go! We need to get the sparklings back to the scrapyard."

The two mechs look at her in confusion as she walks over to the sparkings, "You promised me you would let us handle this!" She growled at Nightback as Predaking walked over and gently picked up Emberwing.

"I can't just sit around while the Wolf-Con who hurt my father roams free!"

:: Soundwave, open a Ground Bridge and get Med Bay ready. :: Metalsound commed Soundwave. "We'll discuss this when we get back," she told the young mech as Grimlock walked over to them holding the unconscious twins.

Nightback sighed, "Yes, ma'am."

The Ground Bridge opened a few feet away from them. Emberwing whimpered softly, her leg was stinging from the pain where the Wolf-Con had grabbed her. They all made their way to the Ground Bridge. When they get to the scrapyard, Nightback is greeted by an angry Strongarm, "Nightback! What were you thinking!? I'm already fighting to keep your father alive I don't need to have an extra fight to keep you alive as well!"

Nightback flinched at his mother's anger. An equally upset Wheeljack and Arcee greeted Seajumper. Predaking and Grimlock carried Emberwing and the twins to Med Bay, closely followed by Metalsound.

"I... I just wanted to find the Decepticon that hurt Dad," Nightback whimpered, his ears folded back as he tried to hold back the lubricant.

Strongarm kneels down to get to optic level with Nightback, "I know you do, as do I. But I can't have you in the same condition, it will kill me. Don't ever do it again, you hear?"

"Yes, ma'am. Will Ember be okay?" Nightback asked with worry for his friend.

"I'm sure she will be. Do you want to see your father?"

"Yes. Is he getting better?"

"He's still unconscious but he seems to be starting to get better, just got to wait for him to wake up," she replied as she picked him up and walked towards Med Bay. When they get to Med Bay and reach the area where Steeljaw is she places Nightback on the berth.

Nightback looked at his dad before hugging him. Please, you have to wake up. He sent his father as much love as he could, hoping he would wake up.

Strongarm lays down next to him, also sending love to him. You must stay with us, you can't leave us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

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