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the-irken-pony · 3 years

Text

Hi I wrote a self-indulgent copperright fanfic based on a daydream

I totally didn’t learn the rules of poker just so I could write this fic what are you talking about

Quick summary: (Takes place during Terrence Suave’s time) Four Toppats opt for an afternoon of poker, but the group notices their friend acting unusual after a brief conversation with the chief’s right hand man.

Word count: 1998

Warnings: Gambling

“Alright, Macbeth, how much are ya putting in?” Gordon Smith smirked, fanning himself with the playing cards in his hand. “Unless you’re doing the wise thing and dropping out now.”

Mr. Macbeth huffed, skimming over his current stash of bills. “Hold yer horses, I’m tryna think.”

The man directly across from Macbeth grunted. “Let ‘im take ‘is time. He wouldn’t wanna drop out if he didn’t ‘ave to.” He gave a quick glance down at his hand; luck had favored him enough to grant him a straight flush, one of the best possible hands. “Could afford to think a little faster, though.”

Mr. Macbeth growled. “Alright, alright, fine.” Macbeth downed the rest of his soda and pushed forward half of his current earnings. “$600.”

“You sure about that?” Sledge MacRush raised his eyebrows. “When did you get so bold?”

“When y’all decided that rushin’ me was a better idea than just waitin’. Six hundred, final answer.

“Hm. Very well then. I’ll match you up on that. What about you, Smith?”

Smith chuckled sheepishly. “Aw man. I’m gonna have to drop out on this one. Promised Charlotte I wouldn’t bet more than $500 at a time.”

“What!? Come on, mate, you shoulda said somethin’ sooner!”

“Haha, yeah, I guess…”

“Well, after this round we can establish a limit.” Sledge gave him a sympathetic smile. “That leaves you, Red. You droppin’ out, too?”

“Nah, might as well stay. $600 for me as well.”

Of course, Red wasn’t actually the man’s name. People only called him that because of his naturally orange facial hair. People called “Red” all sorts of things, since he never gave his name out to anyone, not even close friends. He had to admit that he was hoping to have gotten a more consistent nickname by now, much like other Toppats. Even so, constantly changing nicknames was still better than telling someone his real name.

“So then, everyone else has bet already, eh? Alright, then, reveal your hands… now!”

Everyone around the table booth (except for poor Smith) laid their hands out on the table. Seeing the straight flush that the mustached man had laid out on the table, Sledge and Macbeth groaned as the nameless man chuckled.

“Maybe don’t put in half your cash next time,” he sneered.

Sledge huffed. “Remind me why we invite you to these things again?”

“Because you wouldn’t admit defeat if it left you stranded on an island with no way off.”

Sledge glared at the ginger from across the table as Smith let out a small chuckle.

“Touché.” He gathered up the cards and began to shuffle them. “Macbeth, you goin’ first this time?”

“Ahem. Excuse me.”

The group looked up from their game to see who had spoken. Standing next to the table booth was the chief’s new second in command, holding a clipboard and pen. He had only had his job for a week, but some Toppats were already calling him “the chief’s only good decision”. Admittedly, it was easy to see why just from a glance; he always stood in a very dignified manner, and every aspect of his appearance gave a sense of formality and professionalism--save for the bags under his eyes.

“Oi, Reginald, can it wait? We’re kinda in the middle of somethin’ ‘ere,” Sledge said as he continued to shuffle.

“Well, can you put it on hold? This is kind of important,” the right hand man replied, tapping his pen onto his clipboard.

Red shot Sledge a glare from across the table, prompting the latter to set down the deck of cards.

“Ignore him. Whatcha need, then?”

“What? Oh, right, right…” Reginald flipped through a couple of pages of his clipboard. “Mister Gordon Smith, the leader is sending you undercover tomorrow, and would like you to spend tonight preparing.”

“W-wait, tomorrow?” Smith stammered. “Why!?”

“Don’t ask me, I wouldn’t know,” Reginald yawned, rubbing his eyes. “He hasn’t given many details, he’s just said that he’s sent one other person already.”

“Why not pick someone else!?” Mr. Macbeth snapped. “It ain’t like everyone else’s busier than he is.”

“Easy, easy. I don’t mind doing it,” Smith assured him. Macbeth grumbled something under his breath as he crushed his empty soda can in his hand. Sledge crossed his arms and pouted. Seeing how tense the table was, Red cleared his throat to speak.

“So… one week into the job already, eh? How’sat been goin’ for ya?”

“I probably shouldn’t answer that,” Reginald muttered, looking over his clipboard. The redhead sat in uncomfortable silence, trying to think of a good response.

“…Cool.”

“Anyways,” Reginald said, “that’s all I needed from you. I won’t take up any more of your time.”

“Alright, thank you,” Smith replied. The group watched as the man left the table while staring at his clipboard.

“Guess we’ll leave it up to you, Smith,” Sledge said. “Do you wanna keep goin’ or would ya rather get an early start on prep?”

“Well…”

As the others discussed Smith’s plans for the day, Red watched the chief’s right hand pour himself a cup of coffee, drink the whole cup in one gulp, and then pour himself a second cup before putting in additives.

He furrowed his brow. How little sleep was the man getting? Given the chief’s current track record, it did make sense--other elite members often said that Reginald was eager to please, after all, but it seemed that the whole clan rested on his shoulders. He had only gotten brief glimpses of the right hand man in the past, but when he did he was always by himself hunched over a series of papers.

Yet, despite everything, a mere glance at him would give no indication of a struggle. He kept himself so professional-looking and neat; he always wore a fancy suit, and his mustache was styled to curl upwards at the ends. And that wasn’t even mentioning his delicate yet dignified posture whenever he stood or talked to--

“Oi!”

Red felt a sharp flick against the back of his head, yanking him away from his thoughts. He turned and glared at the man responsible, rubbing the spot where Sledge had flicked him.

“Ya awake over there, Foggy Eyes? We’ve been talkin’ at ya for like a solid minute now!”

“Oh, uh, were you?” “Foggy Eyes” sheepishly cleared his throat. “What’s up, then?”

“We were discussin’ plans with Smith.” Macbeth nodded his head in Smith’s direction.

“I’m good with going for one more round, if everyone else still wants to,” Smith said.

“Oh. Well, deal me in, then.”

“Alright, nice!” Sledge picked up the deck and began to shuffle.

“So what were you staring at over there, anyway?” Smith asked, lifting his head up to see over him.

“What? I wasn’t starin’ at anything.”

“No, ya definitely were,” Sledge chuckled as he combined two partial decks of cards. “You kept starin’ in the same direction since that guy left.”

“I-I just… zoned out, is all.” The ginger was starting to get nervous. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

Macbeth squinted. “You’re actin’ awful strange…”

“Keep talkin’ and you ain’t gonna be actin’ anything,” Red snapped.

Next to him, Smith was deep in thought. “Sledge… say that last part again…?”

The ginger could feel himself getting warm. “W-wait, no, don’t--”

“‘You kept starin’ in the same direction’?”

“Nono, after that.”

“Don’t--”

“‘Since that guy left’?”

“Yeah, heh. That.” Smith nudged the hunched up man sitting next to him. “That have anything to do with anything?”

“Uhhhh…” The man slightly lowered his hat to try and obscure his face, which was already turning noticeably red. Sledge snickered.

“Oh, I see what’s goin’ on here,” he said with a smirk. “You don’t happen to fancy the chief’s right hand man, do ya?”

“I-- O-of course not!” he sputtered. “I-I just-- M-Macbeth, c’mon, back me up here, will ya?”

“Man, you were red as a tomato ‘fore anyone even said anythin’.” Mr. Macbeth leaned back in his seat. “I couldn’t defend ya if I wanted to.”

“Shut up, I was not!”

“Come ooon, admit it already!” Smith gave the flustered Toppat a light shove. “It’s not like we haven’t already caught on.”

“I-I, um-- I--” He pulled his top hat down over his face, which had risen to an unbearable temperature by this point. “I-I don’t-- I dunno, I…” he mumbled, getting quieter with every word, “I-I guess he’s, uh… k-kind-- kinda… sorta… r-really… c-cute…”

Sledge burst into a fit of laughter. “Oh man, I knew ya had a thing for ‘im, but I didn’t know it was that bad!”

“I-it is not…” By this point, the man’s face had turned to a brighter shade of red than his mustache.

“Well, go on,” Smith urged. “Whaddya like about him?”

“Mmmmrrrmmmppphhh…”

Mr. Macbeth couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “Gotta admit, never woulda ‘spected to see ya like this any day of the week.”

“Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup…”

Smith laughed and patted him on the shoulder. “Well?”

“Ohhh my goood…” Red swallowed, trying desperately to compose himself. Knowing there was no way he was getting out of this, he forced himself to speak. “W-well, there’s, uh…” He couldn’t help but smile as he recalled the right hand man’s various features. “Th-there’s his-- his mustache, I-I guess… and-and his voice…”

Remembering that he was with three other people, he cleared his throat.

“Alright, all of you, listen.” He glared at the three Toppats. “Word of this gets out to anyone, and I’ll blow all your heads off. Understood?”

“Alright, alright,” Sledge laughed. “Wasn’t plannin’ on tellin’ anyone anyway, lover boy.”

Red froze. “I-- L-lov--!?” There were at least one hundred different insults he wanted to retort back, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get a single word to come out.

“Aw, don’t take it too hard, man,” Smith said. “If it means anything, I’d say you’ve got a shot.”

“Would ya?”

Smith placed a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, sure. I bet you two’d be really cute together,” he sang while nudging the ginger, who buried his flushed face in his hands.

“Oh my god, I hate you so much…”

“Alright, you two, enough already,” Macbeth told them. “Y’all’re gonna kill ‘im at this rate.”

Smith giggled. “Okay, okay. Really though,” he told Red. “I’m sure you’ll do fine. Take it from me--it took me years to ask Charlotte out on a date, and just last week we celebrated our second anniversary.”

The man smiled a little. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Smith looked down at his watch and frowned. “Oh man, I completely lost track of time, I gotta get ready.”

Sledge rubbed the back of his head. “I suppose that’s gonna mean you’ll need your phone back, then?”

“Yes, Sledge.” Smith crossed his arms. “Yes it will.”

Macbeth rolled his eyes. “I really don’t understand why ya keep takin’ it from ‘im.”

“It gets better signal than mine…” Sledge replied, hunching his shoulders defensively.

“There are better phones than his, y’know,” Red snickered.

“I can get his easier,” Sledge huffed. “Whatever. I’ll come along just in case it got lost in my room somewhere.”

“Thanks.” Smith glared. He turned to Red. “Anyways, keep your chin up, mate.”

As the group gathered their earned cash and got up to leave, Red’s mind drifted back to the chief’s right hand man. Whenever he saw him during work hours, he was always by himself. He didn’t ever see him not working either. Did he not have anyone else to help him with the workload? Or even to talk to?

Maybe Smith was right. Even if they didn’t start going out, he at least deserved someone to talk to and help him manage his workload. There was no good reason for him to have to do it all alone.

“Ahem.”

The group turned to Mr. Macbeth, who was standing next to the table, which was covered in scattered playing cards.

“Any of ya gonna help me get these?”

The group exchanged glances with each other.

“Nah.”

#thsc gordon smith #sledge macrush #mr macbeth #right hand man #reginald copperbottom #copperright #henry stickmin #the henry stickmin collection #thsc #fanfiction #tw gambling #shipping #oneshot #mine #ask to tag anything else

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riceccakes · 4 years

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G&Z ✨

hi!!!

G: do you remember your first OTP, if so, who was in it - i’m like 85% positive it was alex russo and mason greyback from wizards of waverly place. as soon as he was introduced into the show, i wanted them to be endgame

Z: Just ramble about something fan-related - ummmmmm, i guess i can talk about my WIPs right now??? im super self-conscious of all of them because for whatever reason, i tend to like writing a bunch of deep shit with foreshadowing and connecting arcs throughout the fics. anyways, ive got a few catradora ones up my sleeve, which if i can get any of them past the planning stages, i think are gonna be super cool and fun. and then i’m currently also tryna map out the sequel fic to Earth, Wind, and Coffee. it’s nowhere near ready for publishing but i kind of have an idea of what’s gonna happen??? and then i know i’ve got more korrasami stuff wwaaaaay way back on the back burner that may never see the light of day. and, i think i’ll just say, i really love all the content creators in the two fandoms im most active in right now (spop and legend of korra) the korrasami/catradora tags never cease to amaze me with content. :))

thanks for the asks :)))

fandom ask game

#tiktokthreatsgirl #inobx #ask #thank youuuu

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letholigicablogs · 5 years

Text

Phases

A/N- Welcome to letholigicablogs and I hope you stay for a long while.

Summary: A person who loves can only love for so long until their heart grows tired. Angst/fluff

.................................................................

oh babe I know you’re tryna do you, but I heard you fell off After a couple bad nights And 20 cold hearts, mmm Tryna find a new you, but I heard you got lost Tryna figure your worth What the hell does that cost?

The lights turned down, squinting I tried to find your figure in the mass of bodies littered in the all too small space. I pushed my way to the bar, instantly spotting you, the you that currently has a girl undressing you with her eyes.

“Ahem,” With a roll of her eyes, the barely dressed girl turned. Eyes darkening at the sight of you.

“Can I help you?” she stared, “If not, we’re kind of busy here.”

“Actually, from afar, no scratch that, at every angle you, you don’t seem busy. Unless ogling at my best friend is what you call busy... I got some-”

“Y/N”

Ah finally, the man of the hour turns his attention to you. You look to the girl, you can almost see the gears in her head turning and she huffs and walks off to who knows where, and then it was just you- and him. You turn to him- the situation almost a routine at this point, “Com’ on, I’ll take you home.”

In the car, the air felt tense, the two of you afraid to confront the elephant in the room.

“So, I’m guessing it didn't go well with...”

“Yea.”

And the conversation stopped there.

Aye! When I’m kissing ya, grippin’ ya thigh I realized you are destined and meant to be mine Who am I to conflict with you living your life? Just know when you call, I’m at the end of the line

Three weeks, and there’s a familiar knock at your door. Peaking through the peephole your hands beat your mind to it, already opening the door for the person on the other side. Immediately, his lips are pressed against yours, the desperation to feel you closer becoming overbearing. You straddled his waist, arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers pulling at his hair, pushing him onto the couch.

“God, I missed you.”

Frenzy hands pull at clothes, throwing it anywhere and everywhere. Your moans fall at his lips, his hands coming up to caress your cheeks, he pauses and for a moment you just look. For a moment you’re scared.

What. What’s wrong? Did I do something?

You kept thinking, not being able to clearly tell what was going on in the mind of his.

“Stop it,” he says. It confuses you even further. “That, you have that look on your face. As if, as if I’ll disappear if you close your eyes.”

Can you blame me? You wanted to say. Instead, you say “I love you.”

In a blink of an eye, he’s kissing you again, yet in the back of your head you can’t shake off the fact that he doesn’t say it back.

Of the fifteen years knowing each other, seven of those you harbored feelings for your best friend, in the seven years, you’ve told him you loved him for three. You have yet to hear him say it.

Were you a fool? Maybe. Were you hopelessly in love with your best friend? Definitely.

You ask him to stay the night, and he does. For the first time in long while you sleep soundly with his arms around you. The morning comes and he’s no longer there beside you, with a sigh you get ready for the day.

I’ll practice my patience While you’re getting wasted ‘Til fate brings you home I’ll wait through your phases You’ll shuffle through faces Like songs in your playlist ‘Til fate brings you home (home) I’ll wait through your phases, phases, oh (hey)

“Order for Brandon!” You smile as a young man approaches you, “Come again!”

“Y/N. Y/N. Pssst. Hey, Y/N.” Sarah, your long-time co-worker, and friend. Having already had this conversation multiple times, you ignore her.

“Just try it, please. You never know, he might be the one.”

“I’m not interested.”

“You’re not interested? Is it really just that? Or is it because of him?”

You stop what you’re doing, hands placing down the rag. “I’m not interested.”

“How long will you wait for him, you know this isn’t healthy Y/N. You can’t even guarantee where you stand in his life and you-”

“She’s a very important person.” You both look up and your eyes instantly fall on his lean figure. With a shake of her head, Sarah leaves the two of you.

“What are you doing here?” You can’t help but smile at the thought of him being here for you. You don’t say that, of course.

“We need to talk,” and just like that, everything diminishes.

After two more crucial hours, you’re finally turning the ‘CLOSED’ sign over the entrance. Locking the doors, you see him getting out of his car, gesturing for you to get in.

Your hands are clasped tightly together, eyes looking straight ahead, you don’t- you can’t, dare to look at his side. You’ve been in this situation more than you’d like.

“List-” he starts, you cut him off. “What’s her name?”

“Isabelle.”

“Okay.”

Hittin’ all the right cues and leaving your mark But I know that ain’t you (Ain’t you) You’re just playing your part (Ha-ha), baby, uh Tryna fit in them shoes, but you take it too far (too far) It doesn't matter where it takes you I’ll go wherever you are (oh)

Grasping the remains of the indigo-colored dress, you struggled to walk the remaining steps, “Remind me again why you go to these things?”

Leaning against his car, he instantly comes to your aid, not without laughing at your struggling form. “Because it’s important to my dad and the business.”

With a huff, you make yourself comfortable in the passenger seat, a dull ache in your heels already forming just from walking down the stairs of your apartment complex.

“But it’s not what you want, is it.” Rather than a question, it came off your tongue as a statement because you both knew you were speaking the truth.

He only laughs and all you can do is stare in awe at the man before you.

yeah, I’m really tired of being soft-spoken You got me broken, writing songs about you daily and it’s messing with my focus you fuck with him, but we both realize that he was bogus I’m the one for you, so why do I feel like I go unnoticed I’m talking more than clothes hittin’ floors We’re falling off track, but not the rack like a chore

“We can’t do this anymore, Y/N.” He sat at the edge of the bed, elbows resting on his knees, head hung low while his fingers pulled at the roots of his hair. A routine, this is what this is to him. He comes, he leaves, you wait with open arms, he runs back. Repeat. Like all things between you, this isn’t the first.

Yet today you just crack. What starts off as a low chuckle becomes a full-on laugh, you were in hysterics, and then all of a sudden the immense feeling of tiredness weighs down on your shoulders and your crying.

You don’t know what happened, all you know is you’re in his arms your head resting on the crook of his neck. You manage to pull your self together, at least enough to get your words said.

“You’re right, we can’t do this anymore. Fuck, I’m- I’m tired of always being the one to wait on you. My heart wants you, all of you, but my mind says otherwise. I love you, so much, to the point where I- I just- it hurts.”

“Baby...”

“N-no, let me finish. There’s moments where I feel that in your own fucked up way you love me too, and then there’s times where I go unnoticed by you and- I love you more than anything but- but my heart can only take so much.”

oh, look, another butterfly, I feel it in my core Even though you ain’t mine, it’s the fact that I’m yours It’s the fact that my life ain’t complete without yours

One, two, three months pass and you wonder if that was really it between you and him. You want him in your arms, you want his heart, you want his everything, but you can’t be selfish. You’d rather not have him than have him but the two of you breaking each other down. Thinking to yourself, maybe in another lifetime your hearts would fall in love at the right time, for now- for now, you have to put yourself first. But that’s the thing with life, it hits you randomly in the head. And you’re tested, like now.

“Hi.” Your stomach turns and you can’t tell if it’s good or bad.

He points at the seat infront of you, a cup of coffee in his left hand. “Is this seat taken?”

You shake your head, “No, go ahead.” The shop was placed smack in the middle of the city, and it baffles you, out of all the coffee places, out of all the times, the one time you step outside your apartment, you can't help but laugh at yourself.

“How have you been?” He looks at you and you feel small in his stare, you wanted to say so many things like I’m currently a mess, sleep-deprived mostly, you?

You decide against it.

“I’m okay.” and you prayed you sounded convincing in the slightest.

It’s the fact that at night I be tryna ignore Catching overseas flights just to knock at your door ‘Cause you put my planet in orbit Star girl, your body’s so solar

A knock at your door at 2:30am wakes you up from the sleep you’ve been denied of for the past week. With a grunt, and an almost fall, you manage to cover yourself up, sleep still evident in your eyes. But upon opening the door, you’re wide awake. Sober, unlike the man on the other side.

“I caught a taxi to get here. I thought I- I thought I gave him my ad-address but I- I guess n- not.”

Grabbing his arms, you pulled, no- more like dragged him to the couch. Coming back with a cup of water you’re left waiting for him to somewhat become sober. No words exchanged, you ran around the place, getting what you needed, and finally, after what seemed like forever, you were finally in front of him again, a pillow and blanket in your arms.

“Here, you can stay here for the night.” In a second you were up and turning to your room if it wasn’t for the hand stopping you from leaving.

“I’m sorry.” You’ve heard that many times before, it gets tiring after a while.

“Goodn-”

“No, please just- just listen. I let you walk away last time, but not anymore. I have so many things to say and- fuck,” he’s sitting up straight, his face gone completely sober. “I need you to know that I’m sorry, for all the things I did. It was selfish of me to think- to think you’d wait for me.”

You can’t help but scoff at his words, “I did wait, for three years actually.”

“Y/N- fuck,” he’s up again, hands in his hair, pacing back and forth in the small space the living room provided. “I- I love you, shit, I love you, okay? I came here to say that, and to apologize for putting you through all the shit I did. And call me fucking desperate, but I had a slim hope that maybe- maybe you’d still love me.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Promise you, baby, I’m sober”

Just wait ‘til you give in and finally come over I can’t wait to tell you,

He’s picking you up, and your legs are around his waist, the feelings in you, you can barely contain it, and for a second you think he can feel your heart beating through your chest. In between kisses, you’re leading him to your bedroom, as if he doesn’t have it mapped out in his mind. Pushing you onto the bed he’s murmuring incoherent words, and you’re left breathless again.

“Say it again.” you breathed out.

“I love you.”

“Again,”

“I love you.”

#prettymuch #phases #angst #fluff #prettymuch fanfiction #prettymuchangst #prettymuch beanz #songfic

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cloudywithachanceofvengence · 6 years

Text

I was asked to answer all 99 gayish asks, and I never get asked to do these so I'm gonna do em all. Here you go :)

1. How tall are you? 5'10

2. What is your body type? Athletic/muscular

3. What is your favorite thing about your body? Legs/butt

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color? No but close

5. are you more outgoing or more shy? Shy

6. are you more femme or butch? Femme

7. Are you tol or smol? Tol

8. wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt but lately a beer dad

9. Weird habits? Sometimes i talk to myself

10. favorite meme? Anything spongebob

11. do you sing in the shower? Sometimes

12. Ever use a bow and arrow? Yes

13. are/were you a theatre kid? No

14. Have you ever seen a Broadway musical? No

15. do you think musicals are cheesy? A lil

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? Not my fave but for some reason the only one I can think of is "pixelated bukake"

16. Have you ever been part of a protest or March? Not yet

18. Last movie you watched? Solo: a star wars story

19. behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

20. Favorite TV show? Sense8/parks and rec

21. meaning behind your url? Uhm basically I was being emo and depressed and came up with it

22. Reason you joined tumblr? My sister told me to get it

23. Closest tumblr friend? Probably cheerswitches

24. what’s something most people love that you hate? Men's sports 🤷🏼‍♀️

25. Have you ever taken narcotics? Yes

26. Have you had sex? No

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes 😂

28. What's the worst/funniest lie you've ever told? That I'm straight

29. describe your passion without mentioning it. Run, kick, score, win, celebrate

30. Describe your best friend. Independent, goofy, cant make a joke, passionate, beautiful ambitious, intelligent

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows. Idk my twin knows everything about me

32. How do you feel right now? Sleepy but good :)

33. What's your biggest fear? Turning into my mother or not living a happy life

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? What's up by non 4 blondes

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Taking time off school to focus on my mental health

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Uhm that's my life

37. something you fantasize about. Being in a happy, healthy relationship

38. Last time you cried and why. I think I was drunk and lonely

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh? My friend making a joke ab bring gay

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yeah :/

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My twin

42. the last time you felt broken? Idk it's been a while

43. are you starting to realize anything? That I'm gonna be happy and that things will workout how they're supposed to

44. are you more dominant or more submissive? Probably submissive personality wise.Sexually, well, you'll have to find out for yourself ;)

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) if you respect me

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? Same age

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. Myself

48. do you have any kinks? 🙈🙈🙈

49. first thing you notice in a person? Their smile, sense of humor, if they're kind

50. how can someone win your heart? Sing to me

51. been rejected by a crush? Oof yea

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? 🙃🙃🙃

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No lol

54. is trust a big issue for you? Yes

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently? I dont like anyone atm thank god

56. is confidence cute? Yessssss

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I'd probably pretend it didnt bother me but go home and cry about it later lol

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Hell no

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? I'm tryna love myself

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Ugh only all the time

61. do you want to get married? Idk maybe

62. worst thing you’ve ever done? Pass 😅

63. three things that turn you on. Biting, scratching, grinding

64. who do you hate? I dont waste the energy to hate anyone

65. favorite term of endearment? Probably something mean like dork or idiot lol

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Alycia debnam-carey

67. intimidating girls or kind girls? Both 😍

68. what do you look for in a possible partner? Kindness, fun, adventurous, goofy, can have good conversations, respectful, generous, bold

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Feminine

70. are you good at flirting? Fuck no 😂

71. Who was the first person you came out to? I think it was my best friend from college. Or my sister I cant remember

72. do you have any friends who are wlw? Push me to the edge, all my friends are gay. But seriously all my friends are gay. The gay population in Cleveland is staggering

73. Is your crush wlw? Dont have a crush

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? Every man I ever have the displeasure of speaking to

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self? "I love me, bitch. I ain't ever gonna stop loving me, biiiiitch"

76. do you fall in love easily? Definitely not

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yea lol

78. are you good at hiding your feelings? I'm so bad at it

79. are you a forgiving person? Yes but sometimes I shouldn't be

80. what is your “type?” brunettes, femme athletic girls. Confident but also goofy

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Both but preferably her fall asleep in mine

82. Tall or short girls? I'm not picky :)

83. hugs or kisses? I love a good hug

84. twirl her around or get twirled? Hmm guess it depends on who I'm with

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Oof do either and I'm yours

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neeeck 🤤

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy? I wouldn't know lmao

88. making out or soft kisses? Never had a soft kiss so makeout

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Around the neck

90. how confident are you in your sexuality? Not a lot but getting better

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? I blush at everything I look like a tomato. And it's more like butterflies on fire

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? Yes and yes and it ended horribly

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls? Just after my 21st birthday

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Yikes honestly it could be anything bc I'm so awkward

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? Clexa 🤩

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? "I don't care what you do or who you do it with but homosexuality is a disease on society."

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? About 7 months ago :/

98. what is love to you? Commitment and compromise. Understanding the other person and when you dont try to see where the other is coming from. Being friends, enjoying the others company and not having to talk or say anything. You want to be a better person bc of them. Growing and learning together

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 6 years

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tumblr fweinds

a year ago, i was tagged by @suplosers on two questionnaires and it is only now, a year later that i was able to answer em. i’m so sorry it took me this long but yah i’m just glad to get thru dis milestone, answering the first tumblr get to know ya post i was @ at... yaayyy ^^

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: tbd haha i still have to dig thru meh notifs to see which ones apparently took an interest in me so i’d like to take an interest in as well haha but oh @you-guys--are-losers, ur doing this whahaha hope it’s not too much of a bother, no presh watsoever ;3

the last

1. drink: ughh it's dis shitty stuff called hydrite w/c is basically salt water cus im sick rn and it's supposed to rehydrate ur shts or something hahaha

but dat was like a week ago... as of da moment i posted dis, it’s coffee from mini stop dat i drank at like 530 in da morn while i waited until i could enter the school cus i had to commute 3 hours w/ lil to none sleep

2. phone call: my father or one of my best friends

3. text message: the last one i texted was my sister and the last one i got a text from was dis org in school about the location for recruitment/auditions/interview

4. song you listened to: billy jean by michael jackson and i listened to it for meh tomdaya fic hahaha. But i also listened to halo by beyonce, untouchable and dress by taylor swift, and some other songs magmt mentions in her tomdaya fic hehe a week ago

rn, a metal cover of toxic by our last night

5. time you cried: haha i don't actually remember the context of it (i could find out tho haha cus i sent da pic to my best friend) but i took a pic of it while i did it which was on... july 16 hahaha. Oh but w8 oh sht i think i cried after that fudge w8 i don't remember the date (i think i can find this out too hahaha) but i wrote a sortof goodbye confessions letter to one of my dear friends and i wrote there that i externally cried (b4 i just said internally haha) so i'm not entirely sure i cried but i think im pretty sure i teared up hehe

6. dated someone twice: hahaha i haven't even had a legit love interest yet 😆😂 buuutt my best friend and i have "dated" as in spent entire days together w/ just the two of us, we even went to mcdonalds for valentine's day and got each other gifts hihihi aahhh gosh i miss her :'(

7. kissed someone and regretted it: haha im not even sure if dis happened and i have no plans on asking her about it but i remember when i was a kiddo, when my sis came home for some reason i kissed her on the lips hahaha dont remember if accidental or i just brain farted heck i aint even sure if it happened but das all i can answer cus well like i said, see #6 😆😂😆😂

8. been cheated on: hhmmm probs not, i have no idea if ive been cheated on in an unromantic way hahaha but in da romantic way, like i said, no love interest hahaha

Oh w8 does being someone's crush (i aint sure but it seemed like it) and crushing on dat dude but dat dude crushing on someone else too count as cheating? 😆😂😆😂

9. lost someone special: yes, all of my grandparents are dead. I've also lost pets, and i fear i may lose some of my friends due to the distance among us in this time of our lives

10. been depressed: i always wanna be careful over how to define depression. Like wat constitutes it... but yes, i think i have. Not sure, mind you, but yes, at the beginning of gr 7 i was really alone, i think i was bullied and i think i was depressed and going thru a really dark phase of my life back then. But then again, i have to say, i'm not sure.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: hahaha nope. I'm looking forward to getting drunk tho. Im currently underage so im not allowed to drink dat much yet but yeah i wanna know my limits hehehe i hope im da kinda gurl who can handle her liquor but i have drank and i have to say it made me all loopy and weird and just like woke or high or something hahaha so yeah man im excited to get trashed on my 18th bday hahaha (hopefully i get to do this tho huhuhu)

3 favourite colours

12. Pink

13. Blue

14. Gray

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yyeeesssss and i'm so glad i have hihi. I have made friends w/ a select group of my blockmates and they're awesome and weird, i hope to strengthen our bond in da future hehe. Ooohhh and i sure hope that you guys are losers is my friend cus she's been rlly great :')

16. fallen out of love: i guess the closest i've come to falling out of love in a romantic way is moving on from da heavy crushin on meh crush. But i dunno, i still think he's a unicorn n pretty special to me so i dunno hahaha.

But bro, i do think i have fallen out of love. With tv shows, with characters. Like i used to be so passionate about a few shows and characters but now all i have towards them is regret heck i cant even remember wat dey are but i know dat der was love lost. I know it.

17. laughed until you cried: hahaha yaasss i think so. It's either when i was with my best dearest friends or during the class of dis really cool and funny as heck joker teacher who makes us laugh in EVERY SINGLE CLASS hahaha ahhh das guy's so cool

18. found out someone was talking about you: oohh yah yah i think so. Either from my best friends or from a few of my old classmates i care about and had gotten close with. Da best friend ones was about something in my past/history (g7) and the classmates one i think was just dem talking about me and they told me about it ooohhh i think it was my crush hahahaha. They told me dat my crush actually admired me a lot hehe. There was one time my friend (the one who told me about dis) was putting make up on me for a school film, and my crush was da cam guy and he told my friend i looked pretty. Sooo im pretty lucky dat- oh sht w8 i dunno if it's dis year but oh w8 no, it was on my bday last year (dec 20) and da same friend said she was sorry cus apparently da bois make fun of me or something and she was sorry cus she laughed along too hahaha but i didnt mind cus i know im weird and i dont even know what dey say about me in da first place hahahaha. Ok das it im done, i think ive overshared now hahaha 😆😂😆😂

19. met someone who changed you: my best friends. Ive thought about it based on wat sup losers said about change for da better and i dont rlly think of change as something dat happens quick, i think it happens over time and u dont even notice it. So ok oh sht i think im wrong cus i met my best friends 4/6 years ago hahaha but for reals tho, i was in a dark place and if it werent for dem i think id still be lost lonely and sad. Uuhhmmm in regards to answering the question correctly, i guess my blockmates count since they inspire/challenge me to be better. OH SHT W8 i def think you guys are losers and dead end street and tomdaya receipts and tout de suite have changed me hehehe. Da first 2 in dat dey inspired me to write more hehe. Da 1st one inspired me to do this so i think this counts as change hehe. And da last 2 changed me in dat bcus i met dem, i became OBSESSED w/ tomdaya hahaha.

20. found out who your friends are: yes, i have actually. And it's all because i am now currently a college freshman as well as my friends.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: hahaha my fam i guess hahaha. But no one in a romantic context.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: hhmmm i guess id say about 200 since i know 4 sections of around 40 ppl and da rest is like fam and ppl ive met once/twice or have passed by haha

23. do you have any pets: yaaaassss 3 doggos: albie, juju, and biggie girl. Juju has a pupper named tchalla called dat cus he black hehehe and biggie has 2 biglets named mermer (meredith) and crissy (cristina) cus they're sisters 😍😊😊

My fam have also had a buncha dogs n puppers before but they were either given away or passed away. My bro also has dis cat named bob and i think he counts as a semi pet since my bro's home is a fam home.

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhh i wish i had an alliterative name like superheroes. Buutt im pretty happy w/ my name :')

25. what did you do for your last birthday: oohhhh i think i was at my section's christmas party it was pretty nice n emotional and i spent da rest of da day w/ 2 of meh best friends who bought me cake n food when my own fam didn't 😆😂😆😂

26. what time did you wake up: 4 am to shit cus im sick, but fell asleep again and officially got up around 730 or 8ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: haha tryna stay awake cus i had to drink meh meds and failed oh so much and i think i was asleep by midnight hahaha

28. name something you can’t wait for: tomdaya content, chatting/being w/ my best friends, watching da stuff i wanna watch, tumblring, reading sht i wanna read, vacation, writing fanfics, learning how to do a buncha stuff (write screenplays, make films n gifs, draw better), my bday when i hopefully get to do wat i want haha, avengers 4 and smffh, and captain marvel and antman and the wasp too i guess haha oh and the incredibles 2 and httyd 3 😍😍😍 oohhh and crazy rich asians

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: on monday which was when i was at home and not at my dad's n sis' n i's apartment in manila for school/work

31. what are you listening to right now: commercials on da tv as i answer this long ass questionnaire hahaha

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahaha i had to think about dis one but yah i have actually haha he was my gr 8 class mate n i like to think semi friend back den at least haha. Oh w8 but he doesn't go by tom tho, it's just thomas haha

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself hahaha my shitty lazy ass procrastinating self hahaha 😅🙍

34. most visited website: fb specifically messenger, youtube, and tumblr

35. hair colour: hmmm black w/ a bit of brown i guess (ASIAN, YO! 😆😂😆😂)

36. long or short hair: neither, medium i guess haha. I like how long hair looks but it's such a bother n hassle haha. So i def would prefer short hair on a practical standpoint hahaha (im actually thinking of shaving the hair above my nape, yknow on da back of my head hehe)

37. do you have a crush on someone: well i dont have dat much of a crush on da crush i mentioned before, like i said haha. I have a crush on tomdaya, does dat count? 😆😂

38. what do you like about yourself: hahahaha nothing 😆😂😆😂🙍

Naahh uhhh i guess i like how much i love tv shows, i love meh fangirl self, and i like how diff n unique n weird i am, how i stand out, n dat i think my dreams are noble n worth tryin out. N i like how supportive n nice i am n im just chill on da outside haha. N sometimes i like meh face hehe. And i think dat im hilarious n weird n ppl should appreciate me more hahaha das y i crave for more validation dan consulting researchers hahaha (no one laughs at dat jokes and it's like im da only one who finds it funny and come on, man, i managed to make a research joke. Cant ya give a girl a break?)

n i guess sometimes it's good how much i care but sometimes i wish my feels could just chill for just like a minute pls

Thanks, man. I usually just focus on meh bad qualities so thanks for dis question, man :')

oh and i like dat i can swim hehe

39. piercings: i have holes on my ears for earrings but i don't really wear dem

40. blood type: a, i think?

41. nickname: sam, sab, and i rlly want to be called smells cus it's like a more me version of mels from melody hahaha

42. relationship status: single, yo. Oh w8 but i am married to my bed and fandoms so dey always come first. Plus i love my friends 😍😊

43. zodiac: sagittarius i think but i dont rlly know/care about zodiac sht. Tho it's nice if it does match up hehe

44. pronouns: uhhh i dont know wat to put here but i assume dis refers to wat i wish to be referred by ssoooo she, her, and a genderless pronoun in my language siya

45. favourite tv show: ughh i cant choose. Friends, grey's anatomy, phineas and ferb, avatar: the last airbender, black mirror, doctor who, and all of michael schur's stuff, and modern family, grimm, person of interest, pushing daisies, scrubs, happy endings, forever, how i met your mother, gravity falls, sherlock, and yknow wat? Yah, supernatural too and the httyd shows and suits :') oooohhh w8 and how to get away w/ murder and i guess big bang theory as well 😃 the end of the fucking world, legends of tomorrow, crazy ex-girlfriend, the good place, timeless but it’s kinda depressing so speaking of w/c game of thrones and west world and a series of unfortunate events and stranger things and scorpion and lost in space and for anime, let’s go with yakitate japan and boku no hero academia

46. tattoos: none, but i rlly want one and even have a list of tattoos i want (pretty minimalist), i just have to think of da perf place tho (both where to put it and where to get it) and find out if i can still donate meh bod if i have tattoos, but one of da ones i rlly want is smileys on meh fingers hehe

47. right or left handed: right, but my ma says im kinda ambidextrous n i kinda wish i could develop it hehe

48. surgery: haha nope, never. But in terms of an interest, i love grey's anatomy 😆😂

50. sport: ooohh my main sport is swimming cus my siblings are all swimmers so i am too. But i have played other sports for school like badminton, table tennis, volleyball, some water game i dont remember haha, and a combat sport in my country called arnis

51. vacation: christmas vacay and i cant wait huhu

52. pair of trainers: uhhh are trainers rubber shoes? I have a couple, i guess.

GENERAL

53. eating: my dad (who cooked our meal), sis, and i ate afritada (chicken dat's tomatoey basically) for dinner

54. drinking: just water, but ugh i have to drink da hydrite sht again 😑😒

55. I’m about to: finish dis questionnaire n fall asleep haha

56. waiting for: sleep n happiness

57. want: to sleep n write n tumblr n watch n read n for all my problems to disappear

58. get married: yeahhh... but i think it's highly unlikely, man. So i aint counting on it but i do want it to happen, it seems nice having someone to spend da rest of your life with :')

59. career: hahaha i'm still just a college student, just a newly minted freshman actually. But i like to consider myself a fulltime fangirl hahaha

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: well, i havent rlly made out with anyone yet so im gonna have to say hugs i guess w/c ofc i love haha but i wish someone bigger than me could cuddle me for once in my life 😢

61. lips or eyes: lips cus they just seem so soft and sensual hehe. Plus i dunno man, eyes are kinda gross with muta (da sht in da corner of ur eyes when you wake up, it's a filipino word) and sht. And ya have to wear glasses/contacts if dey weak so it's just such a hassle. Tho i do recognize their importance n stuff 😊

62. shorter or taller: ugh TALLER. im a pretty tall gal so for once id like to be da lil spoon for once, for someone to be able to carry me and ya know all dat jazz. But i wouldnt give up my height for anything, makes me feel confident and better than everyone else mwuehehehehehehe

63. older or younger: uuuhhh for now i think it's a bit weird to date someone younger dan me, but for me personally, wat age i'd like to be, YOUNGER ALL DA WAY. it was just way less stressful and innocent back den, id give anything to go back 🙍

64. nice arms or nice stomach: haha nice arms if it means i can swing around them and they can carry me whahaha. But i do like em abs, i wanna feel wat abs feel like just once in my life hahaha

65. hookup or relationship: ooohhh i guess i fancy myself having a relationship for now hehe. Havent even had one yet haha.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i am a hesitant troublemaker whahahahaha. Like i have all these ideas of thangs to do n sometimes i do dem but sometimes da situation n context scares me into not doing it like a wuss hahaha

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: haha nope.

68. drank hard liquor: haha nope but am looking forward to it hehe

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: thankfully i havent needed any yet whew

70. turned someone down: uhhh i guess the closest i came to "turning someone down" was being awkward around my crush haha but to be fair i think he was awkward too hahaha. And in an unromantic sense, i turned down a blockmate who offered to be my partner in an assignment becus i already had a partner hahahaha 😅

71. sex on the first date: haha havent experienced it if das wat ur askin. Maybe imma be dat kinda person after ive had a couple of relationships but for now i'll settle for someone actually being interested in me hahaha

73. had your heart broken: yes, by tv shows, and by da crappiness of life in general 🙇

74. been arrested: hahahaha nope but dat would be CRAZY hahaha

75. cried when someone died: yes, whether in real life or in tv shows, i have cried bcus of death 😢

76. fallen for a friend: look, man, my best friend's probably the most important person in my life who i couldnt bear to lose. I love her more dan anything in da world so i dunno if our friendship is something more dan da "typical" best friends i just know dat i love her n dat i dont wanna lose her n dat our bond's nothing like any other relationship ive ever had

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: hahahaha not rlly 😅 im pretty unreliable tbh and i make tons of mistakes and ill never be enough ever and just in general hate myself and have 0 self esteem hahaha 😅😅😅😓

But there's a chance i could improve tho, a very very VERY small tiny chance... but i guess i'll take wat i can get :/

78. miracles: hhmmm not in da way most ppl think about miracles in dat, it's da impossible event. I like to think it's a miracle that i have the family dat i have, da friends dat i have, and da life dat i have cus honestly i think i'd be dead w/o em. It's a fucking miracle i have things im passionate about and things that i love and im surrounded by ppl who i love and who love me as well. So yeah, i guess i believe in those kinds of miracles :')

79. love at first sight: hahaha not rlly. Look, man, im a fat girl who doesnt rlly care dat much about looks so unless a person manages to fall for someone while dat someone was doing something dat was a huge indicator of their personality and thus it's not only da appearance dat da person "fell in love w/", den i rlly dont believe in love at first sight. It's just infatuation, bruh. Love at first sight is cheap and u dont rlly know any thing about dat person other than the fact that they're pretty (why they caught ur eye in da 1st place imo) and nothin, zilch. Unless, like i said, they were doing something important to dem n indicative of deir personality. But even then, it wouldnt be love. Like i said, it'd be infatuation cus imo love is deep and takes time and cant just HAPPEN just cus u looked at someone and thought he/she was pretty 😒. True love would mean knowing dat person to deir bone but wanting to know more about dem. So to conclude a ted talk from a bitter person w/ a non existent love life 😆😂😂😂, love at first sight doesnt exist, is cheap, and is discriminatory to "ugly" ppl.

80. santa claus: hahaha i know he probs doesnt exist and is u know basically just capitalism n marketing hahaha. But i dunno, man, i kinda wanna believe he exists just cus it's more fun n childlike n innocent 😍

81. kiss on the first date: hahaha yeah i guess so but i think i probs would have had to known dat person for a while before we decided to date. I havent had a first kiss yet sooo i aint just willin to give dat out to someone i just met/knew for like a day or something hahaha (i have no idea how dating works) 😆😂😆😂😆😂

82. angels: huh... i like to think guardian angels exist cus dat means there are like angels of pure light sent down from heaven to protect us from any harm w/c is just nice to think about, yknow? Hehe. But angels in da catholic sense... i dont think i do, bruh. Sorry :/ *shrugs*

OTHER:

84. eye colour: uuhhhh brown, i guess? Like i said, i dont rlly care much for eyes hahaha 😅 ooohh but da purple eyes thang ive seen on da internet sounds cool hahaha

85. favourite movie: aaaahhhhh there's just so many good movies thoo

But agghh fine. Ive come to notice dat my genre's pretty lighthearted w/c is nice actually hehe

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Rogue One, 10 Things I Hate About You, Moana, Coco, Mulan, Avengers: Infinity War, White Chicks cus it's just so goddamn funny and iconic 😆😂😆😂😍, i'm not- ok you know wat, da Pixar movies in general ok? I mean, how can ya not? Oh which reminds me, Tangled, and The Princess and The Frog, oohh The Avengers is also a pretty solid movie, ooohhh Love, Simon, godhs dat was just such a wholesome sweet n nice movie :'), oh and den i freaking love the Scream franchise, man. It's so good :'), oooohhh w8 maybe The Dark Knight cus heath ledger was just da fuking bomb in dat movie, oohh and About Time's da sweetest time travel movie :') w/c reminds me dat the Back to the Future franchise was just such a classic, man :') oh and yknow wat? Unbreakable's actually pretty fucking cool, man. I get shyamalan know haha. Oh and yknow wat? 100 Tula Para Kay Stella is da 1st filipino film i actually liked so it has a special place in meh heart :')

ooohhh and Black Panther, man, gods how can one not bring up Da King™? WAKANDA FOREVER :') 😄

Oh and hey yknow wat? I have a sweet spot for the Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's kinda a guilty pleasure of mine hehe 😅

Whiicchh reminds me... the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON FRANCHISE HAS GOT MY HART WHIPPED 😭😭😭

Oh and i also rlly like when harry met sally hihi :') and i guess the OG Star Wars trilogy's got a special place in my heart even if it is da way dat it is now 😢 :')

oh and i can't forget meh guardians :') Guardians of The Galaxy is such a solid film, bro. I loved it :') ooohhh and yknow wat? I actually rlly like Ready Player One, Baby Driver, and The Mummy (the brendan frasier one, who ya kiddin 😑)

oh and yknow wat? The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and Music & Lyrics has got a special place in my heart, man. Gotta admit it :')

aawww and amelie, and begin again, and flipped and hercules, and room, and spotlight, and shape of water, and ladybird, and the princess bride, and the iron giant, and the lobster, and we're the millers, and what if and man up and shrek and kimi no na wa and a quiet place and inception and the lion king and to all the boys I’ve loved before and oooh tim burton movies are pretty cool, the animated ones, and I did spend a good amount of time obsessed w/ dis one so I guess cap civil war, and then big hero 6 and wreck it ralph, and the martian and inside out, and gone girl, and the lion king and forrest gump and spider-man 1 and 2, and les miserables and the devil wears prada and the book of life and the intern and the princess diaries and miss congeniality and aladdin and confessions of a shopaholic

And ok, ok, i think im done. Hahaha das it das my list of meh all time fav movies and i feel like rewatching all of em now hahaha 😍

#jazzessments

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vvardenfellcat · 7 years

Text

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog.

Stolen from uh...lots of people at this point. Took me a while to get to it. @aglitchinemotion finally got my booty in gear tho.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE(S)?

I have a few... Though it’s more of ‘hey these two/three/etc would be cute and actually get along and heeeeyyyy that might actually work in canon! I wonder...

Nothing’s canon yet for TES!J’hasi, though Aldaril and Morwaen have a one-sided thing going on atm. Mori, pls...show the poor mer some mercy...

Modern!TES AU J’hasi, Maarzi, and Jeer-Rah are a thing, Al and Morwaen are a thing, Icarus and mead is a thing... All the ships. Welcome to my self-indulgent paradise.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

Depends on how well I know you. Unless you’re Paige I doubt it would go further than fade to black after smooches and whatnot. I’ve started writing the Porns™ to try and see if I like doing it/find it worthwhile, and while I enjoy the emotionally-connected ones, the stand of the night type ones aren’t fun to me. Still have to issue copies to Quality Control to determine their Hot Stuff merit.

TL;DR full blown prons are doubtful unless I’m really close friends with the mun first, else varies between No and fade-to-black depending on how well I know the mun.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Under 18 is a Hell No, TES is uh...weird with people living hundreds of years and yet some only 80ish or w/e so I guess it depends on how old they seem? Mer, man. Can’t get a good bead on em agewise. I suppose if there’s like a huge gap like Mr. 800 years old shacking up with someone around 400 that would be weird to me. A hundred years gap wouldn’t be too bad assuming the younger is like...30s? 40s? At least. Mid 20s would be the lowest I’d go with something like that, and even then that’s pushing it. Two hundred gap would be ehh...and anything beyond that is sort of a ‘how is each individual case like’?

Modern AU (aka not TES Modern AU) I guess like 10 ish gap is the most? Not much higher than that because then you get weird things of like ‘oh I was a teenager when you were born’ stuff and that rubs me the wrong way.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

I mean I’m a bit selective with rping, like...I can’t up and ship with someone if I don’t know them. And yes, that has happened in the past and it made me not want to ship ever again because someone didn’t know/didn’t care that it’s not cool to write my character for me. And horribly OOC too. Yuck.

Honestly we’d have to be mutuals for a while before I’d be okay with shipping. Especially if it was J’hasi because LET ME TELL YOU THAT BOY FEEL TOO GOTDAMN MUCH FOR HIM GOTDAMN HEART. And yeah they have to have chemistry. And while most of my characters are more easygoing with the romance and boinking stuff, J’hasi is one of those that’s hard to get to that point because Trust Issues and whatnot. Anyone’s welcome to try, just know that we’d have to know each other and the muses in question would have to have some chemistry before anything progresses beyond verbal sparring.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?

Once someone goes beyond the belt, that’s the point that I’d say yeah that’s nsfwy-stuffs. Smooches and whatnot are safes, making out, etc, but once someone starts digging around in the other’s pants then yeah that’s a decent marker. I’d likely readmore it once it got beyond smooches for sake of people who don’t want to read two muses fooling around with each other but it wouldn’t get the NSFW tag until aforementioned marker.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?

I thought I was asked this before x_x UHHHHMMM usually it’s more of ‘who’s possible’, since I don’t set anything in stone until the characters meet in RP. I may misread a character and then the ship would be weird once I learn my mistake, so I tend to ask lots of questions of the person in question like ‘if x met y and they did z, how would they react?’ I do this with situations outside of shipping too because I LIKE LEARNING ABOUT CHARACTERS MANG.

Private ships are private ships, usually self-indulgent whatever to help me practice writing interpersonal communication and possibly sexytiems so I can learn what sounds natural because it’s a new type of writing for me, same as when I was first learning how to write actiony stuffs and MAJOR DOOM plots and whatever. The pronoun game kills me because 90% of it is gay. Maarzi and her gf Riheh is one of my fave ships because MAARZI IS SUCH A FUCKING TEASE AND THEN RIHEH CATCHES HER OFF-GUARD CONSTANTLY AND I LOVE THEM.

...I just realized I haven’t done any straight NSFW yet aside from that thread with Moj and Sham. I should...probably remedy that. Oops.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

I’m fine with your character feeling as they will, it’s your character, that’s how they do. It’s when you try to push it onto my character without asking for permission that I get irritated. Like by all means, a character can make passes at mine, flirt, w/e, that’s totally fine. It’s when someone thinks that because my muse reacts a certain way back that they think it’s canon then, which. No. You ask me.

Sometimes my characters flirt back because that’s just how they are. They might be trying to use your muse’s apparent interest to suit their needs. Muses may not explain their reasoning for acting x way, so it’s better to ask me to see if it’s genuine ‘ay let’s ship’ vs ‘my character is using yours to get out of a situation or for their own selfish gain’. Plus, if I don’t know you, a ship isn’t going to happen. I need to know the mun before I make any commitments.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?

I’m with Dust!mod on this one, when it makes sense. I’m not romantically inclined irl, so it’s not like I Need it, it’s just something fun and new to play with, like when you get a new toy. You have lots of other toys, and that’s yet another you have at your disposal. Say that you think that the situation would be more exciting if Mr. Dinosaur came in and interrupted the tea party with some dire news from the front, or maybe he wants to confess that he loves Mr. Sheep and doesn’t want Mr. Sheep to elope with Tonka Truck, or that Tonka Truck was actually using Mr. Sheep for his billions in assets to make war on the Hot Wheels regime. It could be integral to the plot, or just give another facet to it, adding some extra drama to the Shit Going Down. The world is your oyster, friend.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

Nnnnnnah. I tried AU stuff with other fandoms, didn’t like, and I don’t need multiple verses of the same TES verse to handle. Not to mention like...why would you multiship when you can have polyamory? Way easier imo. Imagine the cuddlepiles. The only exception I have for this is Modern!TES but that’s more of ‘this is my self-indulgent paradise, I’ll make everyone hold hands if I want to’, and that’s...kinda my personal verse since I haven’t really talked about it much and I don’t think other people would be into it lmao

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

If it’s friends, lovers, rivals, sworn enemies, whatever relationship a muse has with another, it’s all good in my book. It’s great to have character-developing interactions no matter how it’s brought about, if your friend is concerned about x habit you have, or if you got the hots for some new friend on the block, or if you can’t fucking stand your new co-worker/peer, or someone decided that You Need To Die For X Reason And You Just Won’t Go Quietly.

I don’t hold any over the others in terms of importance, like sometimes I’m more in the mood for rival battles, sometimes I just want nerds to cuddle and read together. It just depends on what mood I’m in for at the moment.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

Uhhhhhh I can’t think of any atm. I get a stupid grin on my face when me and @brothersofthedominion come up with ideas for our plots involving a giant golden boy and a srs golden girl, but my current favorite ship that I think about a lot is stuck in self-indulgent paradise world.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

I gotta know who tf you are first. Ask interactions are good for this, because then it unlocks the possibility of rps, which then once I have a good idea of who you are, then there’s a chance of shipping. Else it’s gonna end up being your muse tryna flirt with mine with little chance of getting anywhere other than flirting back or in J’hasi’s case, likely a big fat |:/

#bc of mentions #aglitchinemotion #brothersofthedominion #therunawayscamps #therunawayscamp #LOTS OF WORDS #this was a good way to wake up tho #i might actually link this in my rules page honestly #ooc #shiprules

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gloieee · 5 years

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So it Goes

I’ve been having really good days. But I’ve been discovering more of Mac Miller lately and he wrenches heartstrings in so many ways. I resonate with him so hard in certain aspects. It’s uncanny.

10.12.2019

So interesting that I was feeling this way 10.12. 2019 haha. I doubt it was that day, since I was floundering in my essay editing. But maybe it was--maybe I just thought Mac Miller was beautiful enough to take a day off from my “business” writing. I have a feeling it was 10.15. 2019 vaguely. Likely was still having some very good days then.

Life is always a roller coaster and I appreciate it, I suppose. I remember distinctly loving “So it Goes,” but not having a way to connect it to how I felt then. It’s ironic how I feel like this song matches up the most to how I feel now. Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut, literature, one of my first loves. So it goes. I resonate with this one so deeply right now that I think i’ll indulge myself and break it down step by step.

So it Goes- Mac Miller

You could have the world in the palm of your hand You still might drop it So it goes

I love how he highlights how precarious satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment can be. Although there’s a sadness to dropping something that was in the palm of your hand, it reminds me that every moment is precious. Every time you feel the world there, in your hand, it’s such a blessing. It’s a gentle perch rather than something to seize. The “so it goes” reminds me that that’s maybe how it’s supposed to be. It wasn’t a mistake on my end to drop it; maybe there never was a way I could have forced it to stay there—it’s just the way it goes. And even if I’m just completely self-justifying losing things, so it goes.

And everybody wanna reach inside your pockets I tell 'em "red light, stop it" Shit, that give me more headaches than alcoholics

Hm, I bring more flavor than all the seasons Winter, spring, summer, fall, the grass is always greener 'til I cut it all Please leave me to my studies, I give you no applause My hands been countin' money, and it's hard to be the boss But somebody gotta do it (it gets so exhausting) Often with the bullshit, but, baby, I been through it Enough for the both of us So come over later and we won't let no one close to us We could be posted up Yeah

So it goes It's like, in every conversation, we the topic This narcissism, more like narcotics So it goes

Everyone knows it’s a huge statement if I say something gives me more headaches than alcoholics. I do feel like some people are reaching inside my pockets, more often than I would like. I’m giving too much. It’s odd cause I always do say “red light, stop it,” yet there must be something about myself that makes it seem like a green light. The grass is always greener till I cut it all--this sounds so much like me that I can’t even. Maybe that’s why. Def don’t appreciate how it seems like I’m the one that’s going through the bullshit, more than one person’s share. But maybe it just is the narcissism that makes me think like this.

My eyes on the enterprise Nine lives, never die, fuck a heaven, I'm still gettin' high Never mind, did I mention I'm fine 'Cause her pussy gettin' wetter when the weather dry Clementine, peelin' off and everyone get left behind I'm only 5'7'' 'cept I'm feelin' like I'm 7'5"

No relaxing, kicking back, this ain't exactly in the plan I can't get no satisfaction, goddamn They sayin' I been gone too long I could just tell 'em fuck you, but that come on too strong My god, it go on and on Just like a circle, I go back to where I'm from

I love Mac Miller’s confidence (even when he’s down). I feel it too. Yet, despite all of that of course, it never goes as planned. It’s hard to be truly happy in your choices. I haven’t been good with choices this past year or so. Guess this past year, I had choices for the first time in a while. Oddly, even though I’m consciously trying to make intentional, balanced decisions, still my god, it does go on and on, just like a circle, I’m back to where I’m from.

Been listening to some random songs on my spotify radio, alongside my main man Mac Miller, and it’s hilarious how serendipitous it is. Fell in Love with a Girl- The White Stripes followed by Over- Syd feat. 6lack. This kinda stuff makes me laugh out loud. The most impulsive love song ever, reflected in form by how fast-paced and short the song is. It’s perfect.

Fell in love with a girl

I fell in love once and almost completely She's in love with the world But sometimes, these feelings can be so misleading "Come and kiss me by the riverside, yeah Bobby says it's fine, he don't consider it cheating, now. Can't keep away from the girl These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting Can't think of anything to do, yeah My left brain knows that all love is fleeting

It’s hilarious cause Bobby more often than not totally does think it’s cheating. I’ve loved this song since 2015 and it’s one of those songs that leaves such an impression each time I hear it. One of those forever bops.

I’m realizing a lot of these random songs I was listening to without really looking at the lyrics were apt in some way. It’s almost as if Spotify now predicts my life, which is some black mirror shit right there. Some petty, fleeting tidbits:

Over- Syd feat. 6lack

Safe to say, I was right You was wrong, that's okay Why would you agree if you ain't build for the drama? I know when shit ain't right You can act if you wanna, girl I don't wanna say too much And I don't wanna make assumptions But lately I've been giving no fucks We don't know what we doing love How we gon' look for help when you don't know yourself?

(As an aside, realizing that 6lack is actually amazing. I thought he was just gonna be a temporary mainstream dude with “Ex Calling” and “PRBLMS” but East Atlanta Love Letter really makes me rethink him as an artist. He says it straight and I don’t even think he’s fronting, which is amazing.)

I did fluctuate between random moments of feeling all these things, albeit of course, very briefly and not as intensely as perhaps these lyrics denote. And yes they’re petty. But it’s more a sentiment than an actual feeling:

Loner- Kali Uchis

I just gotta put it out there And maybe it's not deliberate And I know you never asked me I don't want to be an option But if you don't want me now No, boy, I don't want you later Don't try to come and eat with me

Superficial Love- Ruth B.

You're really cute I must admit But I need something deeper than this Baby if you want me, then you better need me 'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one And if you wanna keep me then you better treat me Like a damn princess, make that an empress

This song is a subtle reminder of course that once I’m ready for something, I should be treated like an empress. We forget that sometimes.

I can feel you on my lips all the time But I just wanna feel you in my heart and on my mind

Actually so interesting cause this song is pointedly not how I feel in some ways. Makes me wonder whether what I want is superficial love. Which leads me to:

The Need to Know- Wale feat. Sza

Tryna keep it low Keep 'em on that need to know Tell everybody that we're just friends But to be honest that platonic shit's for TV shows

I'm not tryna pressure you Just can't stop thinkin' 'bout you You ain't even really gotta be my boyfriend I just wanna know your name And maybe some time, we can hook up We can hang out, we can just chill

Again, this song made me laugh today. A causal relationship maybe should be physical, yet here/there we are/ were.

I know Fletcher means it more seriously and ironically (for good reason), but at the end of the day, despite all the bits of emotion I feel, in the best sense, it’s all love, in the most truly millennial diffusion-of-conflict way possible (All Love- Fletcher). And to be honest, whatever this is (cause love is a grossly inappropriate word, just a good filler) is just a feeling (Love is Just a Feeling- Joey Badda$$). I was and am def more in the camp of Stwo and Jeremih, (Neither Do I- Stwo and Jeremih) and Drake currently to begin with, so it’s really all good in the end.

The Motion- Drake

It's not me and you, it's not me it's you Say you're moving on, well, I guess that's just the motion I guess that's just the motion

Yeah, looking back on it, at least my pride is intact 'Cause we said "no strings attached" and I still got tied up in that Try being with somebody that wanna be somebody else I always thought she was perfect when she was being herself Don't even know how to help, but I guess that's just the motion, yeah She'll probably come around Soon as I settle down, that's the motion Oh-oh, I guess that's just the motion

Definitely have some doubts cause platonic shit’s for TV shows, but internally, I feel more settled. Having let it all out and explored all my petty fleeting roller coaster emotions these past few weeks, ultimately, I feel like it was actually a good learning experience, and a reminder of some things I value about myself. It’s a reminder to keep growing, to keep understanding myself, and to know my worth, which may have been a bit hazy these past few months on so many fronts. It’s hard in the moment, but if I look within myself, this is what I wanted and what I had been saying all along. It’s something I’ve never been able to fully execute before and really wanted to this time around, so I’m excited that that’s finally happening. And at least I do have some soft spots to look back on (If The World Was Ending- JP Saxe, Julia Michaels).

I’m excited to be more myself. So it goes, in the best way.

10.26.2019

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academicsapphic · 7 years

Text

70 questions tag

i was tagged by @academicsapphic omg thank you so much!!!

01: do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah, i like to think so. it’s better when i don’t have to live with them, as is my relationship with my entire family. you know what they say about absence

02: who did you last say “i love you” to? my dad

03: do you regret anything? so many things but can’t change it so

04: are you insecure? literally all the time!!! i don’t know what it’s like to have confidence or to not hate yourself!! maybe someday!!!

05: what is your relationship status? single, as it has been for 18.5 years, as it will be for 18 more

06: how do you want to die? i truly don’t care as long as it’s painless. i don’t wanna feel shit.

07: what did you last eat? 2 scrambled eggs, a handful of spinach and 1/2 cup of onion

08: played any sports?

i briefly played basketball and did cheerleading and gymnastics as a young kid, but i play softball for like 12 years on and off. wish id stuck with cheerleading though that shit’s amazing

09: do you bite your nails? yes as long as i can remember. and now when i let them grow out, they grow away from my

10: when was your last physical fight? never been in one. i talk about how i wanna fight literally all the time but if it came down to it i’d either run or get my ass beat

11: do you like someone? after a whole year of liking girls who turned out to be straight and white boys who all disappointed me, i’m tryna stop cause i’m tired of getting my feelings hurt. it’s not cute.

12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours? i think i stayed up almost that long at the beginning of freshman year

13: do you hate anyone at the moment? i’m sure there’s lots of people i am a small person filled with hate and rage

14: do you miss someone? my friends and my freedom. does that count as a someone?

15: have any pets? we have a dog at home, but i individually don’t. i might get a therapy cat someday at school we’ll see

16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment? tired and bored and mad cause it’s hot outside

17: ever made out in the bathroom? no why that location? seems gross

18: are you scared of spiders? horrified to an unnatural degree. i have a really awful fear of bugs and it’s ruining my life

19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance? fuck no i’m black my ass would be grass i don’t even wanna be in this current time i’m tryna go 100 years forward

20: where was the last place you snogged someone? my imagination

21: what are your plans for this weekend? sleep, exercise, chill

22: do you want to have kids? how many? i’m 100% sure that i don’t ever want to give birth. that shit is so painful i dont understand why anyone would ever do that voluntarily. my period cramps are severe enough to make me wanna kill myself. if i have kids, we’re adopting or surrogate or something like i refuse. never in my life. also kids are a massive huge responsibility which you can never get rid of and that terrifies me. i’ll begin to consider having kids in ten years, but right now it’s a hard no.

23: do you have piercings? how many? ears, 2.

24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)? in high school, i consistently got A’s in my english and humanities classes, in college the only class i’ve got an A in so far is italian

25: do you miss anyone from your past? no? not really. if you’re in my past i probably hate you and that’s why you’re not in my present.

26: what are you craving right now? i try to distract myself from wanting food or being hungry cause i’m trying to lose weight and i’ll drive myself mad

27: have you ever broken someone’s heart? lol no. does my best friend in the 9th grade who told me he liked me then i stopped talking to him for a solid six months count? i doubt it.

28: have you ever been cheated on? can’t be cheated on when you’re single 😏

29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? never had one

30: what’s irritating you right now? the fact that summer is a thing and the fact that bugs exist

31: does somebody love you? yeah, lots of people im sure

32: what is your favourite colour? purple

33: do you have trust issues? i mean i guess kinda? i’m just really insecure with myself and afraid of people hurting me but also i trust really easy so i’ve clearly learned nothing

34: who/what was your last dream about? i don’t remember

35: who was the last person you cried in front of? i normally don’t cry in front of other people, but i think when i had just got home from school and i was in the car with my parents and they started grilling me about my major and how bad i did first year and i had been holding it in for so long cause that whole year i literally thought i was gonna kill myself that i just had a breakdown, i mean sobbing so hard i was incoherent. then i spent all of lunch trying not to cry again. it was a mess.

36: do you give out second chances too easily? lol not anymore, since i got to college if you even slightly wrong me one time, im fuckin done with you. permanently.

37: is it easier to forgive or forget? forget

38: is this year the best year of your life? my first year of college was simultaneously the best and worst time ever? idk but i’m really excited to go back

39: how old were you when you had your first kiss? i haven’t had it yet 👍🏾

40: have you ever walked outside completely naked? no why would anyone?

51: favourite food? italian food, french fries, honestly potatoes in all forms, ice cream, chocolate anything, things i wish i could eat right now but i cant.

52: do you believe everything happens for a reason? yes this belief is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes when i want something so bad but cant have it

53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched fitness and weight loss videos cause i do that every night cause im pathetic

54: is cheating ever okay? no and people keep trying to normalize it and im like???? fuck off

55: are you mean? i definitely can be

56: how many people have you fist fought? none

57: do you believe in true love? more than anything else, i guess

58: favourite weather? raining, cloudy, overcast, dark, just anything where the sun is gone

59: do you like the snow? yes, but i guess cause i live in nashville and we don’t get a lot so it’s not a hassle

60: do you wanna get married? yes so much :’( but also i dont really care about the legal part, i kinda just want a nice ceremony. i might just do the ceremony without getting married

61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? wouldn’t know

62: what makes you happy? being at school, listening to music, when i finally write a song that i don’t completely hate, eating

63: would you change your name? no cause i don’t hate it and i wouldn’t know what to change it to

64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? i don’t understand this. is there supposed to be context?

65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

*i just wanna say i don’t like term “opposite sex/gender” cause as we know, these things are a spectrum and there are no opposites cause theres more than two. for the sake of these questions, im gonna assume it means a guy cause im a girl but know i dont like it i’ve been in this situation and if a) they know i know/they told me, i get super uncomfortable and stop talking to them, or b) if they don’t know i know, i get super uncomfortable and try to send them a bunch of signals i only like them platonically so they’ll get the hint and never ever bring it up ever

66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? i have close friends of all genders so yeah

67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? assuming a guy again idk my dad? or one of my bosses

68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? can’t remember, probably one of my friends at school i don’t have many of those

69: do you believe in soulmates? yes i love that idea, i think it ties it with everything happens for a reason

70: is there anyone you would die for? i would die for any girl i just ran into on the street, god i love girls

thanks for observing this overshare 👍🏾 at least it kept me busy

#mine #tag game

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wearethejerkoffs · 7 years

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1-100 ;;;-)

1. How long have you had a Tumblr?2011 i think? 2. Describe your first kiss, who was it with, what was it like, where was it etc?his name is justin. he had a gf at the time and kissed me (shitty af) in a library. it was nothing special. i really liked him though. 3. What’s your biggest regret? I know we all say we don’t regret things but obviously it’s how we learn, from our mistakes. So what’s something from your past you wished you could have changed?dating emilio for as long as i did. 4 Favorite Songs at the moment?i cant pick its too hard 5. What is the craziest thing that you have ever done?i am not wild6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?i erase this shit from my mind7. Do you have any scars and if so, how did you get them?they come from myself hahahh 8. Where would you like to be in 10 years?just successful and happy. 9. What are your views on drugs and alcohol?theyre fine just dont make them your top priority 10. What are your views on religion?believe what you want. dont bash me for not believing in anything though. 11. Have you ever thought about ending your own life? If so, why?of course. i get sad, hoe. 12. Write 5 facts people might not know about you.i am very open. there is very little people dont know about me. 13. last really important text you got?ky cam saying shes down to shop w me and maddie :)14. Can you let go?not easily 15. Discuss your first love.have i even had one?16. Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Explain why each song is on there.i dont have an ipod but fuck i wish i DID17. Name somewhere you’d like to move or visit.visit? probably canada. id move there too. or wisconsin. 19. What are your views on mainstream music?no beef, i dont often find stuff i vibe with on the radio but i have18. Are you currently missing someone?more than anything 19. At what age do you think people should have sex?prolly high school, but really whenever you are comfortable. 20. What are your highs and lows of this past year?highs: leaving my abuser! getting a job i love! leaving people who are shitty and toxic! meeting rachel! meeting jessie! seeing amity!lows: spending the first half with my abuser! self harming again! crashed my car! 21. What are your strongest beliefs?i believe in aliens and ghosts (who doesn't?) i believe in an after life. 22. Who are you closest to in your family?my brother hes my best friend damn near 23. How important do you think education is?pretty important. i dont think college is necessary. 24. What’s one of your favorite shows?how i met your mother25. How have you changed in the past 2 years?i am stronger and happier. i have better friends and just a happier life. 26. Name 5 people who are famous who you find attractive.ryan ross, detective nick amaro, the rock, young matthew lillard, and ellen page27. Name your favorite movie and what it’s about.nick and norahs infinite playlist. its about a girl falling for a dude thru the mix cds he made his ex (her friend) and meets him at the club and soends the whole night with him looking for her drunk friend and a secret show. 28. Who is someone who fascinates you and why?aalyssa. shes so interesting to me and i could listen to her talk for hours. 29. What kind of person attracts you?lanky emo boys. douchebags. pretty girls. 30. What’s a problem that you have recently had or are currently having?i want to find another job 31. Name something that you miss.dhanes laugh. 32. Share 5 goals you want completed in the next 30 days.get in the shape i want to. thats it. 33. What’s been the highlight of your month and the lowest point? anytime i see michael and rachel its a highlight. low point: my FUCKING CAR GETTING HIT. 34. What’s something that you’ve done in the past that you would never do again?molly damn near. 35. What is you’re biggest insecurity & why?tummy. its too big. 36. What were the last 3 songs you listened to and what did they mean to you?eeeek i cant remember.37. Do you have a toy that’s really special to you and if so what is it, how did you get it etc?no i dont but i wish i did. 38. Have you lost anyone close to you to death? yep. i love you dhane! i love you christian! 39. What is your purpose in life?do i really have one? 40. When was the last time you cried and what was it over?today at a sad facebook video 41. If you got to spend an entire day with your favourite celebrity what would you guys do? we would have sex i love you ryan ross 42. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would you choose and why?nevershoutnever. you fuckin know why. 43. What are 3 traits that you like about yourself and what are three that you dislike about yourself? Personality wise.goods: im very empathetic. i look out for people. im fucking funnybads: im too nice. i get angry very fast. im petty. 44. Can you cook? If so what are your favorite dishes to make? yes!! i love to just make pasta with chicken and homemade pizza. 45. What was the last decision you regretted making?probably fucking sy hahahaha 46. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”?nope47. Do you ever wish you were famous?not really 48. What’s the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to YOU? Or something that’s hurt you above anything else and why?emilio said some of the most disgusting shit to me for months. dude told me he was gonna kill me hella times and how i should just end my life already! fucks wrong with that dude? 50. What mark would you want to leave on this world after you are gone?just want people to remember the good about me and my laugh 51. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?not really52. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?hell no whats the point 53. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?yes54. What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?drive around with me and not make fun of me while i sob my eyes out. thanks becca! thanks jessie!55. What is one of your favorite memories?amity performing youngbloods. thanks for making me cry! 58. What’s the nicest present you’ve ever received?becca bought me an amity ticket, i love that bitch. emilio got me a stuffed animal that is sully so that was pretty nice of him to do (rare) my fav is when people give me flowers. 59. Have you ever had your heart broken?yeah im a sensitive bitch. not his fault tho!60. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your life? If so, what?yeah like mostly where i live. i would just like to leave here. 61. What is something you feel like you are really good at? problem solving62. What are your top 5 favourite all time songs by your favourite artist?open letter. deaths hand. i hate hartley. youngbloods. chasing ghosts. 65. What’s one thing someone has done for you that was really small but made a huge impact?becca had my back throughout my past relationship. she really did everything for me. s/o to her for being legit the best person i have ever met. 66. What do you do when you can’t sleep?watch more tv68. If you could change 3 things within your government, what would they be and why?get trump out of office. thats all i got. i dont know much about the government. 69. What’s your favourite holiday and why?id say halloween. i like the spooks. 70. What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you? Even if it’s TINY like holding a door open for you, something that you remember even though they were a complete stranger.the nice anons i get. thanks guys. 71. Who’s your favorite cartoon character?honestly? probably scooby. 72. What’s the first song that comes to your mind while reading this and why?scooby doo theme song. i love that shit. 74. What would you like to be the first dance song at your wedding?idk i never think about my wedding plans tbh. something alternative ideally. maybe something by flatsound or across the universe. 75. Have you ever been told you look like a famous person, if so, who?nope 76. What’s one thing you can not live without?becca! 77. What is the most selfless thing you have ever done for someone?idk i will really do anything for anyone. mostly just helping out with driving. 78. Are you a girly girl?i dont think so 79. What color is your bed?black80. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?dark. ideally brunette. 81. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?hell yes but not his fault 82. Do you have a best friend?yes. s/o to becca. s/o to maddie. s/o to tony. 82. What song makes you cry the most?i cant even pick. probably something by flatsound 83. What’s the funniest film you’ve ever seen?eeeeeekkkk...... i have no idea...... honestly for some reason all that comes to mind is 21 jump street and thats weird 84. What’s something crazy that you’ve always wanted to do?im just tryna kiss a gurl85. Has anything ever happened to you that you just can’t forgive?yes for sure. i will never forgive my abusers. 86. Ever been really drunk?sadly87. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?not really. these people were saying i do bars and thats pretty fucked up considering ive never taken prescription pills for "fun"89. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? If so what was it & why? yeah i'm not gonna talk about it 90. Do you keep a journal? If so what mostly goes in it? Random thoughts, feelings, stories?i did, i should start again.  91. Do you like somebody?yep :-)92. Craziest shit ever done?im not crazy 93. What’s the saddest story/one that’s touched you the most that you’ve ever heard on the news?the kid that hung himself because people spread rumors that his girlfriend killed herself. 94. If you were told you were going to have 3 daughters, what would you want to name them?i have no idea because im never having kids. 95. Do you have a middle name and if so, what is it?marie96. Are you in a relationship?no 97. Do you enjoy drama?not really98. Are you a virgin?nope99. Are you short or tall?short100. Do you have siblings? If so, what are their names and how old are they? amber is 31, erin is 29, and tony is 16

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my-motherflippin-blog-son · 4 years

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SOME POSITIVE REFLECTIONS FROM QUARANTINE

I think it’s important to acknowledge just how non-linear, progress is. You’re gonna bounce all over the place for a long time before you start feeling like you actually put some distance between where you started and where you are now. And even after all that effort, all that struggling, progress, on anything, often feels underwhelming.

I spent a whole year struggling with a lot of anxiety over this project, really worried about having a senior project that feels substantial. Something that can make up for my weak ass portfolio. Something that feels honest but smart, something funny, something to better myself, something that could make a positive change in the world beyond me. I needed it to solve all this because i was scared of being a failure. I already knew that anxiety made me waste a lot of time throughout school, it had skewed how I lived my life so dramatically. I thought I could make up for everything I knew I did wrong if I could just do something something substantial and meaningful. And in my subconscious, I felt like I if I could do that, it would define who I really was beyond that anxiety, beyond all my fuck ups.

It took me a solid half a year to come up with an idea I liked. I wrote dozens and dozens of pages of research. I wanted to make sure that each step I took toward that abstract end goal was the right one. Then problem after problem was thrown in my lap, forcing me to alter my idea. And I can blame my lack of progress on all the constant shit thrown in my lap, but I know the real reason was all that anxiety. It was paralysis, something keeping me too afraid to move forward or make a wrong move.

Part of it was I needed to know I was doing the right thing in everyone else's eyes. And at first glance, that’s not a bad thing. The world is empathetic, you’re only as good as the value you can bring to everyone in your life. How much love can you give? How many problems can you solve for others? Can you give back more good to the world than you add to the bad? I still think those ideals are what part of make the world a kinder place. At the end of the day, ya just want the most amount of people to be happy. Theres so much good in the world you want to be a part of. It wasn’t bad thinking, it wasn’t toxic, but it was partially a need to please everyone in order to validate who I was. It’s those sorta thoughts that were informing my mentality. But you can’t define yourself as long as you’re doing it through the lense of others.

So there were all these hiccups, there was all this anxiety because of the democratic primaries and graduation, and on top of that, then the virus hit. And I felt more paralyzed than ever. I’d designed a whole project around focusing in on a specific evil, approaching it with some wit and levity, and making a change. But then the rules of the game changed and i just couldn’t care anymore. And why would anyone else? When you’re drowning, It’s hard to care about someone complaining about how cold the water is. That’s kinda where I was at, it was just a lot all at once. And honesty what affected me emotionally the most is that this was a project about me having something to say and being able to say it with a little bit of wit, and I just had nothing funny to say. I couldn’t find anything funny. I had nothing productive to say, no clever solutions, nothing that added to the good. No one wanted to hear another white dude complain about capitalism without offering any solutions, especially me. MAYBE you could argue listening to someone vent is fun, but the only reason listening to someone vent is fun is because you don’t see your feelings articulated as well anywhere else. But it’s like, when the whole world is screaming, what’s the point in screaming too? I just wanted a distraction. But I didn’t realize that till later.

I spent almost 2 months having done virtually nothing. Then I met in a big group with all of Anthony’s advisees, where it turned out everyone had been affected in some way. Most people now had to make a change to how they were going to present their ideas but were still about to go on with their project, and some people were even close to done. But I just wasn’t. So when it got to me i just kinda plopped all my baggage on the table. I said I’m depressed in every possible way but outright saying it and still talking about my project, not even realizing i was doing it. I shouldn’t of done that, but was exhausted and drained so I had no filter. and after i said my piece, they talked at me for a while trying to help me find some peace in not feeling up to creating anything, but the question that stuck in my head was Anthony asking “so if this wasn’t for senior project, what would you be doing right now?”

And honestly the answer was “nothing”. I didn’t wanna do shit. I wanted to play animal crossing and watch Buzzfeed Unsolved for 16 hours a day and listen to the same 5 Tennis songs over and over. I left that meeting feeling a little nihilistic. I had no ideas and nothing clever to say. I felt stripped of everything. This project was already my hail mary as it was. There was no way I was ever going to make something that felt substantial in time. No matter what i did, it was going to feel underwhelming to me.

But the fun thing about nihilism is that sometimes it leads to optimistic nihilism. Optimistic nihilism feels like kinda surrendering yourself to the universe, theres a feeling of clarity. If I was going to be a disappointment, who cared what I made? people are going to be underwhelmed no matter what. What future is there to worry about when every future plan you had was scrapped? Fuck it. It doesn’t have to be meaningful anymore; If you have nothing to say, say nothing.

But I kept thinking about Anthony's question and realized that if I were to be forced to make something, it would be little animation loops. Its all I felt like doing. They’re fun to make. everything else felt forced. Something simple and pretty like the “How To Forgive” visualizer.

And in the past, being inspired by a piece of media would make me anxious people would think I was copying or worse, that I was doing something derivative of something better and people . But recently, I wrote a “manifesto” for design issues about the current design trend which I called “Behance Style”. This manifesto made me break down everything these trendy designers were doing. using the same imagery, the same image making techniques, the same style fonts, there was so much of “the same”. It all felt so derivative of each other. But it didn’t matter to me. I liked it anyway. I was still entertained. And because now that I understood how this trend worked, I knew if I wanted to, I could subvert it, so I wasn’t afraid of making things in that style.

I’d been asked some variation of “forget the grade, what would you normally make? what do you want to make?” many times throughout this project. But I spent the last 6 years not making anything for myself, it was all to try and meet some standard. So when people asked about my personal projects, I didn’t know how to make any. Anxiety made me work non stop on school stuff, I never gave myself the time for stuff outside of what was required. And was always too anxious about school to feel compelled to make anything for myself. It was a distraction controlled by anxiety and self hate. I’m still struggling with the idea of making things just to make them without being influenced by outside forces, but this felt like a big step in the right direction.

Saint Cloud by Waxatachee dropped and it was just so pretty and cathartic and that was all I listened to for like 2-3 weeks. Between Saint Cloud and Swimmer, I had all these ideas for little pretty loops. Gabe Gundacker started his new project and I’ve been loving everything he’s released. I started listening to a lot of love songs. The Midnight Gospel came out and while the narratives are so thoughtful and engaging, that show partially felt so inspiring because the visuals feel like they were made with the mentality of “lets have fun with it.” It all felt really nice to just be able to appreciate something purely for being pretty. I didn’t care if people judged my music taste for being basic or thought my visuals we’re corny, I just wanted to make stuff to distract myself.

I just realized im writing in the past tense, even though i’m currently still in the middle of this project. Maybe to solidify the reality I want to exist?

Im still working on it now, who knows how this’ll all turn out, but all this feels like a nice step in the right direction. just moving one very small step at a time and then often thanking another step backwards or sideways feels exhausting but eventually you make progress, and it’s the only way to go about it, especially when you feel like you’re starting from nothing.

maybe edit that last paragraph tomorrow. i wrote it and it feels like a conclusion but i definitely didn't mean for it to, im just tryna wring out the last ideas i got in my head before going to bed. you might even wanna delete it and move shit around. i wanna come back to this tomorrow. really explore this and get to the bottom of shit. theres more i wanna say but i cant come up with the words that feel right. it s 5:04 am.

#5/1

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effervescentmind · 5 years

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Entry 21: 03.23.20 b

I wanted to talk more indepth about my job and housing concerns and also tie in another dynamic in my life right now. I met someone online in August and at first it was just a fwb type of arrangment. He would come over once a weekish and we would spend some time together, laugh and sleep together. Sometimes we would just sleep and not have sex but he ended up slowly staying over until the next morning and then it just became a regular thing for him to sleepover. He’s a nice guy and has his shit together, makes money and has a lot of awesome goals. He’s self-motivated, encouraging and funny and I really enjoy him. Sometimes we go out and we always have a good time but I didnt want anything and he knew that. I was still hurting and trying to figure myself out and redefine who I was after my last two relationships. He knew that and was ok with it but then starting hinting he wanted more. I denied him at first but eventually warmed up to him. He started to do nice little things for me and showed me he cared and paid attention to me. He would surprise me with little dates, gifts or practical things I needed. I would get good morning texts everyday and checked on throughtout the day...I’m speaking in past tense but all of these things still happen and on an even bigger scale now but he doesnt want to be in a relationship and I dont understand him. I did reject the idea at first but about a month or two later I told him I had feelings for him and he completely acted like he didnt talk to me about a relationship and tried to make me think I was confused. I showed him text messages and told him things he said to me...even when we went to the movies and he was talking about how he was going to teach his kids to swim (it was a reference to something in the movie) and he included me in his fantasy, as the Mother. Ive talked to him twice about it and tried to push him away but he comes back and tells me what I want to hear. I dont know though, the last time we spoke about it, he told me he didnt know what he wanted and that hes trying to figure out if he wants a relationship. He said hes used to women trying to be with him because they want to live off him but he likes that I dont try any of that with him. He likes that I have my own goals and plans for my career and life and supports me all the way but he needs time to figure himself out. I told him to do it by himself and not waste my time. He told me he wants me to be patient with him and he promises that he isnt wasting my time, thats its not just about sex. Then he referred to himself as a broken, rough flower that I can prune and water to my perfection and liking...I dont agree with that viewpoint. I dont think that I need to put in this much work and turn you into what I want. Shouldnt I like you for who you are? Shouldnt you be giving me all the communication, time and vulnerability I want and give too? Why must I be subjected to bullshit first before I get the man I deserve? No. I wont settle for that. I wont do it. There are plenty of other men out there and I know the mature, put-together, driven, loving man I seek is out there. I dont have to settle on someone because they like the idea of having me but still want to party and talk to more than one female at a time.

I decided that I would give him a chance until I leave Texas. I am currently making plans like I’m single because I FUCKING AM and I will not let a man keep me in a place I dont want to be if he is not sacrificing anything for me. So, I’m waiting to see if he is warming up but at the same time not stopping my progress. If I end up needing to leave and he still aint tryna do shit with me then adios senor. At this point, I feel like he’s a better friend than a boyfriend for me. He has helped me alot. He has helped me fix my credit, paid my rent (without being asked) when I was going through it with BWW, bought me toiletries and encouraged me throughout these last months about my future but there is no emotional connection. He isnt there for me emotionally and there is no passion between us. I just don’t want to be with someone that has it all but can’t be emotionally there for you and does the bare minimum to keep you around. He’s not a bad guy, I just dont think he wants me like that and I dont want to waste my time. I’m finally ready to be in love and I want to do it with someone that makes my heart dance. He just makes my heart ache.

With that being said, my plans are changing by the day but currently I have five options. The first (chronologically) is to stay with my friend who referred me to BWW. We met at PFC’s in October/November. My original plan was to get another job, not renew my lease and get a room for rent while I save for a downpayment on a car. I wanted to put all my things in storage and take my time looking around for a nicer apartment that I felt was right for me. This apartment I currently live in, I rushed into to get away from a shitty relationship and I want better for myself. That plan slightly changed because I wasnt making money and stuck between jobs. So my friend told me I could stay with her as long as I needed. I was happy but quickly decided that it was a bad idea. I got to know her more and she is all over the place and does a lot of stupid things. She’s young, constantly quitting jobs, playing guys for their money, letting stupid boys break her heart, trying any kind of drug and no realistic plan for her future. She also has a quick temper, blows things out of proportion and is reckless. She texted me one day saying that she was going to move to florida and that I could take over her lease if I wanted. Then that plan changed and she doesnt know when shes leaving and keeps changing what shes doing. Then she got fired from her job and got pregnant by a dumb boy that I kept warning her to stay away from. I decided to look into other options. Havent told her and I dont plan on it, just going to keep it moving and avoid that train-wreck of a situation.

My next option is to move into another coworkers house. She lives with her brothers and mother. Her mother travels a lot for work and currently is gone until the end of May. I would be renting out the master bedroom and bathroom for 600/month. Its a really nice, big house but I would have to leave at the end of may which is fine because I do want my own place asap. This last year living by myself has been wonderful and exactly what I’ve needed my whole life lol. I’m not afraid to live alone and sleep alone. It’s peaceful and I’ve done a lot of self-discovery. I stay organized and have all the space and quiet I need from the outside world.

My third option is to stay with a friend and her boyfriend. The have a spare bedroom, are quiet and I hangout with them every now and again. It would be nice to stay with them because I know them a little more and they are much closer to my job than my other coworker is. Also, she works at PFC’s still so sometimes we could carpool and that would save me money on lyft.

The fourth option is to stay with my older sister in Jax. She called me last night and we talked for about 4-5 hours. We always do that. We wont speak for months and then just have a whole random purge one night lol. Anyway, after I caught her up on my life, she told me that she would help me in any way she could. She would send me money and if I wanted to, I could come live with her and the kids until I get on my feet. Her saying that lifted such a huge weight off my shoulders. She always has my back and I love her so much. I really feel that I may end up tying up all my finaical loose ends here and moving back to Florida with her. I never wanted to go back to Jacksonville but sometimes you need to take a step back to be able to move forward and it’ll be nice to finally meet my niece and nephew. And I havent seen my sister since she left for the Navy. We both went through so much pain and so many changes after that...It will feel good to have her around and rebuild our bond. I miss her so much.

My last option is one that I hope to never have to do, because it brings me so much anxiety, and that is to talk to one on my aunts, on my dad’s side, and ask if I can live with them. I’m confdent that they would say yes but man...I’m not ready for all that. Theres too much baggage and unpacking I need to do before I can fully immerse myself into them. I want to eventually reunite and start creating a relationship but I know I need to do it on my own terms and from a distance for my own sanity. I’ll write more on that in it’s own entry.

Well, thats where I’m at right now. Just waiting on this coronavirus to die down and see where that leaves me. Wish me luck.

#diary

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paolopallegient · 7 years

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What’s up guys?

Been a while. I’ll be updating real quick. I honestly love this tumblr and wish to use it more, for it is such a great medium of communication for me. I have been resisting to write in my journal recently, so when I don’t write there, i write here,

I’m currently listening to music in my bedroom on my desk. I think this desk is from Ikea, it’s refurbished wood and unidentifiable type of tree. The handles are sturdy but the cabinet clamps don’t keep on to the desk. I might break it one day on accident, that’s how loose it is. My parents are doing their own thing, i’m quite happy and relieved today is a calm day. I didn’t wake up to loud music or anybody telling me to get ready really quick. This is my favorite type of morning. My mom is watching a Ryan Reynolds movie called “Voices“, where he talks to animals as a little side-gag but the movie is about him tryna talk to this girl and it’s quote cute when he sits at a table alone and talks to a goldfish on his left in a portable aquarium. He said “She stood you up huh?“, and Ryan said “Yeah man.“, ahaha how cute.

My dad is listening to his music, kinda doing what i’m doing, exercising a medium. he’s now preparing leftovers to eat. My dad cleaned the whole house like lmao wtf bruv. Like the living room is clean and the kitchen is clean. He wasn’t negative this morning which makes me happy. Almost got mad or angry, but consciously I changed my mood. I used to be pretty good at that, but I just gotta exercise the action more. My room is clean, the whole house is clean. I love it. This makes me happy. I’m happy.

I just woke up from a eh-day. Most would label it as a “Bad-day”, but i’ve gotten to the point to hipster, to where I don’t use cliche words/phrases anymore. I just cringe or think it’s unfashionable. My day was labelled as “bad”, yesterday because of what I blamed it on. I said it was my mood, and I blamed it on my dad, but honestly I just woke up from my nap pretty cranky. Excited about the holidays. Hope to make a video or horde videos.

This moment is actually something I enjoy so much. I’ve become so self-aware of being in moments that i love, that I lose touch of being consciously aware that i’m within them.

When I notice I haven’t been myself, I think about how High School Paolo would react in the situation i’m in. Right now, I am high school paolo. High school Paolo is just me lol. I am me.

yesterday was pretty weird because I was just not feeling it, but now i’m doing pretty good. I refuse to think about school today lol. Anything about school, i’ll save it for tomorrow.

I been tryna hang out with Sheyanne Villamor recently, We want to hang out but I just suck because i’ll be down one day, but in another day i’ve been reserving myself. I think that’s all because I like my alone time, at the same time i don’t like feeling cringey afterwards hanging out/meeting somebody for the first time.

Edward yesterday asked me if I knew any gossip. Which is something i barely do/talk about. Then he told me drama is all he talks about lol. I hope it’ not like that forever. I think that’s why my dad resents my uncles/aunts/his brothers/sisters. They kinda all talk about life all the time instead of being happy and fun and laughing all together. I think I just broke through and understood everything lol.

My father is truly a misunderstood genius. There’s a lot going on in that mind, just not enough education to exercise properly what he’s actually thinking. Crazy.

I miss Melissa. I’ve been resisting texting her because i’ve been busy and she been busy and I don’t want to start a valuable conversation with her unless i can hold it/finish it. I think there’s 3 things I miss the most about high school and that’d be:

The overwhelming amount of positivity the environment would bring,

those specific moments of everyday routine,

and walking with Melissa.

I think Melissa work well in person. Texting her is always a joy but idk, like we’re so natural in person I think the ideal hangout with her is if we like, we just go to her house or mine and lay down on separate couches and listen to music in the background and talk. Idk if she knows this but i like being around her a lot. It just takes a lot in order to initiate/reach out to her because I want to reserve myself. I miss her but idk how long i can keep saying that haha. I hope she’s good. I saw her dad got a new car, and that her and Anthony are doing p good I think. That makes me happy, that her happiness is being fulfilled. I’m okay with sharing my best friend. Anthony will do a good job or something, as long as he doesn’t do anything drastic or detrimental to her. Like as long as i’m not involved to anything and I can notice that she’s doing well without me, i’’ll approve. It’s not that i never liked them together/not like him. It’s just people’s perception of her that makes me upset in society. I consciously notice that people are so prone to blame people on their past actions, and honestly who gives a fuck if Melissa is in different relationships a lot? Like she can do what she wants, let her love, let her LIVE. She shouldn’t have to live with some emotional anxiety and feel awkward around people because she’s scared about what they think about her.

On another note, she always surprise me. Like she’ll never fail. I think it’s because i’m consciously aware of how/who I am, and at the same time, I don’t expect anything from her. I accept who she is already so what she does is always so funny or fills me to joy. I think i’m rambling, but I really care for her.

Hope she’s good.

I think I spent an hour now, typing lol. hold up lemme change the song.

btw I was listening to (XXXtentacion - angel)

I should probably go, my parents want to eat breakfast,

bye

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baekhoneyed · 7 years

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tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water

2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor

3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao

4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened

5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait

6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/

8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old l m f a o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red!

13. millennial pink fight me

14. rose gold fight me again

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University

16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on

17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome

18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao

19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words

20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao

GENERAL:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate

23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby

24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk

25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...

26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo

28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt

31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much

34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr

35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it

36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)

37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star

38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older

39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho

41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?

42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...

43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho

44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute

45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?

46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad

49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small

50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...

51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably

52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus

53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!

54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately

55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)

MORE GENERAL:

56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...

57. Drinking: did we not already go over this

58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure

59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)

60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)

61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/

62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn

64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips

65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)

66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms

68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: no

71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick

72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no

73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy

74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that)

75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility

76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that

77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao

78: Cried when someone died: yeah

79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough

81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them

82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??

83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped

84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,

OTHER:

90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!

91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!

92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank

i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone

#about me #long post //#tysm for tagging me i love being recognized as a Person!!

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sh-lan · 7 years

Text

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ

#mumble mumble #last #spring quarter mumbles #debs in college #homg #it is over

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