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libidomechanica · 7 months

Text

On one could not in the fully rude, that done

A sonnet sequence

Though he took himself in drifts of the moon of my pass to deck the case? And not in and lime; which none words were zombies. That bloom the brains I do not speaking a famish’d foe sues for postering seasons through the ghost since she had been to be expense. Thou, Desire, and, whatever was the blaze of quality and rain, alone, if so, they went, and then as the guard the rest, fairing his moder be. And when they might render’d, like a key in philosophy! When these empty honour, whispers on the fades from heaven’s will deformed by daybreak, the time then why you loved to the kind sea-caves!

Viewing all die. And some draws near us when those, held him that he spindle ore, but one with sweet Highland Mary. Minute’s life be a gainer too? And shade the dirty rat. Turn that for the songs, and each humble print my boon! Now do I see, like a veil, when from its progressing, will still and hear new words, per day. I should feed that least would by the heart or limb, when he pray’d he turnpike- gate. And dwelling hue, and dinted stormy, the genuine apparition to walk,—for her hate, if not your walls god’s final goal of home, singest not so much with her quivering command is often see.

Blythe, blythe indifference and fail from women’s sea-stocking became her moods the spirit ever, except Juan slept; and loved deep her let me full Fourteen him which way back? And hunger every beauties fine, rank as a time for yet slumber—for the Arrows of candles to trace and play as dew in aprylle, þat fallyt on þe spray into the whirl’d about the Syrian blue: so freely move, that ranging, ev’ry possess a leaf was hard forms of poison brought I’d knows: their rum and thy brethren wits, and thou would inhabiting washed it come neighborhoods. And out touch, the under brows old.

I pretence their kind of evil? They pleased a kirtle touching alone for yet, a child: for by somewhere! Yet, O ye mysteries; not with rod or wills a-snort and glitters day and cells, none see which from the lost breeze and fallacious appetite in his narrow houses probes to end of men, a land retards: already in our freshlier over my forsake thee descend to be, to your many a morning no more the sunbeam brooding sleep encompass’d, and over her for him, as a stronger lay, to find but the hill.—Lovely seated on tiptoe with in words, pursue; nor dreams: this mood?

All the sun, and murmurest lipp’d serpent prayers—but the fire his wont to the riches of this rainbow-sided, pass’d by blackbirds sing, our work more of roses mid the great summons from world. Where none, is the sea, the mouse, they had none of Christmas-eve. I care not die, no. Of deede, ready mixed. And bear. Thou will beneath to know no more miss’d an every had heard the wide hue wax’d in my life was nothingness, or threaded of state, the choirs about barber. The sweeter sweeter muse wilds, in Sleeping Muse, and tho’ I die. Behold, I granting me to see yours his charming Polly Stewart, o charms.

Back where to my questions like the mortal age beside be cheer his breath; not one lost in the boat, and low: trip no further yellow pin on my strife diffuse; but not wholly standestiny contradiction and place; crones, old and no places by their gold. Whilst it strict and the course was whole worthiest love, that stays thee thee sitting wave, touch’d, nor rag of caverns wheresoever these two—they dwelt with all it grew themselves, obey. Of comely ancestors, whose two alone, but vaster grew still a solemn to the golden age, the most wish a husband makes it vassal tides and made away!

I find a burial ground; what has to- day with a painful phase, result of sin. Or for a beacon guardian anger, and that will, too, are sunk of which husband, next I shall fall remerging in a grave— wrapt thy wandering arms, it selfe, and rests belong, dead weightless delight, i’ve seen. Not all ripens spires upon her till the leaky sieves not unlike a wannish fire. Shall her majestic piece of revenge: A Ballad that other footsteps, moving still grow, and darken’d brows of Death’s eternal thirst, my desperate eyes could be the seas, and wears in the Church on thy foot to hold it!

To holds their tripping on that she will demanded—if he well-gotten throne, but mourn, become one or two in my hand handed, an Arab with hound his head, ere hardly credible how it all; I fell sicken’d eaves, obey. Next to her fate. Join our first to the tomb of Tutankhamun. The human eye was any Blessing, while thus, dim dawn, there Simmer in her eye was this shame beneath her starters, glowing gnaw. I can’t but my eyes are so you close, blowing sparkled o’er the seats a place, huge cloudless way. Likewise ye and green the Saviour’s features, from no Mother isle, wash’d that I must breath?

Jesuit priest the sins with delight of vipers on them here, each haste, critiqu’d you but you so that the Honeycomb; and in her stands; the days far-off, on thy likeness of such beguilde; if her way the murmur of folk at the deck: the utmost sweet April golden light. I say that hears, distill’d with bitter thrumm’d a vision find you said, Look! Beautiful and tell thy like allows, accept a better for the likes her breast, two spiritual of the doors for priest the perfect beautiful was for joy; and none, its own. Or, dying Nature’s face? And the advantage when thy answer’d, like rocks.

No serpent, and yet, as in the sky for every door, and roll’d on the long, Perilla! High nature’s ear; but three parting the moor, yet is whispers from off my breath, I thinking that bloom of a fool the song than man walking its as he fades not only lightly prayer, who my Children on board an end; asham’d to be fair face, though not anything to finish’d, until they had, double from thy owne false borrowed from the bowls, and women do, where were such occasions were his messengers dissipation, fame, fighting of time, and in love in a morn broke by the breathe to make my offence.

Peace sitting and wrapt about him up to heaven had been hand answer eloquent, hovering broke our mother, but gaed by the human love thee I so beauty new the gold without a spouses see but faithless grown, a glimpse her mould turn’d his Strength one law, to Corinth all is well; for days? That I be like a youth, of counsels to rise full wings of such a treat of the wing, and women in this glutton be, to wean him be gives, that love’s fires, and gently budding, and the spring upward, whom a tent and, tenderly i’m guess; I found April bends her name. Were mount and singing by, and battle.

To where I waste me there’s ne’er should bay and hear the sill, he who swore that hour for presents after hours like a village eyes he bore up long, astarters, glowing loses with heaven, to cease to any song of the grasses sweet friend and rings; the mind; I warrant on when the fish’d full chance to Jove, who begun to pine for every spirit shook to Drinking, here the Rev. Her faithless tutor. The spirit should not content, with sent hoped he doth lies to me as then exception to her gentleman, who had slippers for the narrow for her singing moon: nor runlet tinkling race, but say so.

The drove I cannot heau’nly plac’d; beauty, thorns to be love-sick eyes, to make her little doll children dear, more sweet within the real is but require, what in mid-air that driven so wild witch! Alone, nor three, but sweet, with stricken by bound the sun, his favours like the stone—where alone, deaf to highest way. Rich fooles: if they should twine, the dark; but you already how or grog, ’ they shall never looks too much; but he had been unequal power, to clasps a spirit held by thy with might invaded me, but find out from a large expert in life, no maid’s bliss: there common thorns together!

Thy sweet days, use other which your virtuous, the wizard much to plant it conceal’d, whom a captive to wakes the spray for loving sea; she was, and catacombs, their life to black? But, if calm at all with love her I bow’d, his life: choose; a faith, ’ quoth she write my after dearth. In the glory swims away, but somewhere to mind I practice howsoe’er the walls; ’tis a planet, last must not attaint,—a Rosebuds before thousand batten’d, and go. And the Lawlands conversation of the frequent form revolving new; shakes here were all faith they stay. As dying comes out a Tory at last, the bay.

The most prodigy to the garden urn— weave, weave to taste Lethe injured by no friends, in any gale, no—none of spongy pitcher, happier that, her vineyard—yes! A very things and all his great advantage of right hair, who hopefulness invidious days. Of rising fingers her quake; he wash’d with attribution lull’d like louing, its assurance of your fair your will made thy sweet and fertile, among, that last the slumbers empty honour, wonder’d without in close debate, and me, ’ and stars: so they poison long street breast, and caught her, forth of life, I brings above, and thoughts on a voyage.

A red rocking in the soft, so sweet after he may judge pronounced again, a land thro’ they were passing ear we saw the different from me fast-flowing a bath and thus his scarce see what all. Five been tost, a sail, with singing: There was from the decline, when gazing; and thou fail from thee. While he sees all pains; long attendant? Years so true lifetime shall grow, wilt thou vanish’d by their title spring of love, repeat fine upon you ready know. I cannot chuse but by degrade; yet, as still sayd, still defence; t was a storm of kisses as well; the grapes, maud with a young husband’s home to look back!

Delight; in shall discontent to look on Spirits assured and gave him she deep where it can’t stop watches, with it died had master of thy chanced them to pray for Thee—Oh spurn that beauties with bold erected, touch my prayers, who trembling fair enwind he sail with a piece, for Juan lay like hope were Noah’s, puff’d his headache beings deeply glows in endless feast; move upward a science and know here the woods decay and the last: one sunshine was it well—but, artists! Blue eye, as leave of water, water ape, but soft feet. Doors, when he prays there so love, Ay, fill the wine-spilith thee and ghastly the board winds, as with weary ev’ry woman’s be, as, unto whom the timid, and knock-out drops and thought to set a ringlet turn himself, by the vessel swam—though the most, even Death repented dew upon a springs, who sleep I never scarce be run; a web is wov’n across to conceals.

Or, know the shown me the deem’d the spring where’er I knew until we cease thee moved it? And our atoms with flow by park and closing mad—Lord! For God’s sake, will he knew not have come upon the might melts do there,— and all for naebody. Sail and that fury has perish’d, and better cause, as judges are, knowing on my heart as a man may things seemed borrow understand. Because God’s grace, which then, lights. Read a cursed NO stain’d him to Thetis’ bowers, Here then there rivulet at it had run the narrowness of the drifted her. Old warder of the homes of one and music in far away.

But not what the year and now her Milk, she fell our memory that I be like a man under-music, surely wheresoe’er the fans her voice the blythest lace from out they had got. To see, to lay his form, and chuckle, and certes brought a sense hangs like to thee. God toppled pools: that you on the ways of thing bliss, when fast, and friends, or if I move the lack to where to be sad foremost in times, like the holly dies, my promised young beam of Zoe’s communicate in brings before thou, perch, althought bring air, had his book, thus loade mine own presaging more and cursed dreadful years old chain mail one brief.

The lives are free informing round, and madness love good. The honest, and her hands and caught therefore his earth the me, sweete aire whipt, or words would make a slice of hern and thee thou, new-year delays decline, I will, too, has tantalized my mind, our will, too, and soil’d with my weight, and I was wound. The tidings of the history of this Parable— wretched with despair: calm as to die ere I took his eyes; for me: always thee she star and the garden, flowering is only know; for years of poetry Books idylls of all the bottom of a world a notions all. But the flying line; sweet eye.

A bachelor he well. Like a Turk’s pavilion, before; now waiting wave what is one, alone, away there wind comes a glory- crown’d; but trusted God—His arrowy to the told; on the mind is of the art their sky the days off at once I discern them to me, your love of a larch, a beam ends. More, and tho’ the mortal dream or divested things, with tears, fourteen his active diligently by, and shovel dirt on every haze of the creek, and heart of marjoram had sent himself in love affairs unto love? Chaste to rule persons, of Sodom blue. Paid a trance she lease find nothing doors.

No palace the immers, whence and beauty? And when, in the Virgin came not; savage race’—and hoped the whirl, a ceiling dies, thundering snake, who, in sound thy chose still relief to bear the old man was his storms, till I be her father, and till the bath and a certain freezes blew the events as often see. That said he, what art not say I love in summer steady—and thirty, crowd with a silver storms, the light, how can’st thou hast the fen she love doth Music’s powers, your moder way. Ye geck at me behind he doth breede. For Wisdom wafted; till the Silver flashing shadow’d his minute.

—With lullaby thy love! I was lost, to language chiefly by hearts and like God, thought by the banks o’ Earn, and the morning from the Hall, maud with shift our Electra! And day, and delicacy; all would have gone, and passing the sky were the sum could not yet on tears that’s to the streamers to those that his God, which doth in beauty’s dead. I love in one whose two and all the light’st flames he told. Yet t is hurtling brevity. And careless and forms, the want thou bring to turn about to the name of growing Hope, there, tho’ the advanced in Holy Land would never in its louder palaces imperial halls, or down, and still answer from the license is then a boy he’s given, and each refraction; the hounds of statelier proue. Your most shall be only from the sky the Spiteful good; or else for none to dying off like them noise of my own dove from thee and yet, she had often claim.

He plann’d, but the fairy had already. With truth, eternal law—tho’ my sober sorceress, suddenly she that made eloquence, and impious use, what prime, too. Love a young Damon, behold white arms could sweet refrain came trials, and spring, when my just pour’d, and those halcyon days in any more—pulling friends, it seem’d as if they when you curtted Spartanes imitate my memory will I die; of an old place that feathers by ghosts are the school for the floor, near petrifaction never scare me with sorrow-laden, a strange, descend on yonder great a girl’s bridal flower!

The regions redden to bed and the midmost human forget without her by magic men shone: her dreamless: but the nerve to sea for some years always win a glory to the beaches, with Scio wine,—and he, he could by that’s rail; and wash’d upon the door, but, what record, but seized, and cheer’d his madding down and Him not fears were could muse and make my own her advice to fill my blood again, ere were borne down!—Borne away? Yet each heaven, her sleep like allows of the King of the watch the rapidly, like them! Thy spirit reels at the skill enough, no Muse doth changed, because thou hast for ever.

Both breathed with all the Words salámat— Incolumity from amaze into the other then watch sung psalm to win her got under more robust of fire. We have as larger laid, and want, the psalm to win who love of your water appetite: the court. Make of all things and be my love his body captive power, is shall live and blow, when dying, wading, and we will deep. The fly’s bass turn. And judg’d, and salt, and cursed NO stain than admire your wife, my body or of my hand; and have number letter. Thou madest Death, call’d thy Heavens expand, turn to one, and golden, green; and, will I die.

Thus did we will not our Election was it into the ghastliest doubt na, lass, gude nicht and rave asked all Night parson, posting wheel in a sudden hills, across the window my breast, therefore than was I bold, until we close, blowing to bleeding, for sacred be the park, attractions in vain; and idle hour to pass her. Leaps into myriads more than mimic pictures right of truth embodied in phrases and all’s overwhelms us all the long, and know, which moment in the senses play around then in the heavy pace: wet were plighter ill-bred enough to theirs, and with yourself—first break.

Spires of the mother the Voyage Timbuctoo tithonus to these thing half disarm’d. Hand—pray’d in the cannibal arise, ye more strong it out, there is master’s fields—and caught winds can equal feast. And height, since more the brute. His guardianship based the Book of quiet breath, love, or lops the there in fields and mild—with knout? If not yet of these two shark and balmy time mind, and to coffee made, according the brickwork’s cleft, some way we proffer’d, is built himself in awful in song, glad to be extremely dull and better luck over sown; they came, as twere blue the princes and boys of an oak.

Ripple brows and lead thee mine, which the siller wave-worn her a slave-market using age is, but half uprightly me, thou feel a certainties in full of folly haunters of doors forge, the hoarding stream, then the sky, when the same, because of sorrow touch shock, rise in blue: so fresh your simple porch, two alone, O lake, who bore than they with fears, and this dear one did blasts not the night, and sore in and wither more she has nought of love, rather heart is walking of all,—what had to the starting year by land where there such compelling fleece in such a type. Steps armory; with his droop’d dripping them per hours, take this daily anodyne, and the Spring when bow downe my though thou in the moist to love of the warstle and song, all occasion: but what way, which heavens, before how the dashing for her, Calista prov’d to the sea- beasts, I love in that weep,—but she might have thee sitting the true?

Since her in the spirit himself in dream a dream resolve its way incompassioned to name, as washed and reach’d her, olive- branches green-blue wave in those than they gave me be; and sobs, and tears and sweet, fulfil. Defamed by daybreak, thought by Heav’n as we walk’d where he stood, and such permanent forms of Anakim, tho’ faith doing the past; a life began to thee. And the gods’ protege and rocket molten into flake the last asleep, Death, he beggar at these, as a rough-bearded follow’d his part of unexpress of Albany. Who thought the Snow, when the hill is pealing, that I make a wash, would move his desire shall date, even now, thy ransom’d reason, posting so blind eye; dear heart with my weight of letter, tho’ mix’d, the flying, that it strife; but ere ever those forgot, and make us sight after part, and who springs and whelps at their number’d let our Britain’s lady.

Of my heart were true. Ring our devotion after his blood, my friendship. A devil. Belovëd, tho’ left but why? And in fact, which ever stars, and how soon she saw he die. Such power, thirty years of all her her shadow on and fro the days far-off from a sharks, to give thee mine his venom and silent night: I see how to see herself, may he went to and full of charming, and did. On that presents an hours away; and on he was an old chain so sure it. Balthasar Grace cries and a burning flee, and make confusion pump in the lythe water passion—but yet remark, and the cruel.

Was never brain? Advertise contact, the bay,—some painful dame. The roarings her in their prayers, ambrosial air, tasting, delay’d his sire, train, and each other give, yea, when their mouth foam’d, and blythe wakeful bird; and neist my lips uncurl’d gray beard, in truth is—in a wave o’er, they were white kine glimmer’d, and spread. And all day and vast and will tak dunts frae nane, i’ll be herself will diets boast; his innocent: how, ever way, youth’s lamented hunger’s souls in some untutor’d you I under her trust here survived. And me breath to myriads on my knee; but the change may breed a loathe, with me.

At Venus weeps I come. And but deplore, thro’ all the masters of mine in view, while he insults that are yet bubbling chang’d desert dust, and say, farewell! Rage, then she was, and lick’d the secret as the earth and crossest for the meets, hearts that they meet their lashes and because thou found a pride with her breeze of Fate; and they follow’d ground; and rocket molten gold, and left alone she meads where to think I made him the sees the sun and something buds of April days far-off dress. A glory, they may be of sorrow’s bark of their Muses entering breast, the sharp eyes, wherefore than man, be borne down!

On Lethe intellect and bow’d them sympathy, and reason’s coast; his Voice spake entic’d him—to his lips impart that until I not weeps out again, and wriggled further plants many a sandy bar, and one former glamour martiall is bow’d: I bow’d, his side. Nor the extremes empty, falling wakes, and endless as a drink up the flying. Delaying no old were star sparkling fish gasping silvery grassy air that count—should learn’d him, too, they haunt of the moon. We men and ugliness and queen, gambolled their eggs, fruit of introduction see the grain. Where she went, and rubious-argent: of alter’d up inside my heart aflame. Was some men and those foes come, and but end, but employ’d in part of it, all how unlike, but not a woman’s gentle heart died had move his formed in vain; a favours light from the crone at they shall have a tip the sea’s immersion burns; and, first, and cuckolds.

By nature smiles, milton appeared; and throng the cloud and the large, and and see the Crownings divineness from the hand. Little while on the judging appetite increase that Sappho last, and action; nothing stood around; years that will, to all your true love a root of the waters all the bosom of the grieve, so he type of the earth lie so in my Longing join’d each throb is in songs her onward night beares; makes me faster thing pane? You don’t tax em. From fiend, thy gift of the Honeycomb; and what receivest, I cannot prove; she live with lullaby can not rescue him up, and suitor.

Now do I now feet divide thy praise. Came thy worth! The Rev. The garbage, the king a green, and low: trip no further plane is stilled a thousand deem’d almost ever the bewildering round we went; still the map of fluent heat the Sisters nine, the odour of the dishes green. But O, what is, I met your thou then? These leave us in a puncheon—then the shadow’d her look’d upon that does never come down through the ground. There torn up, and a moments weake? In ordered by ever morning rain: Love no shore, ask what can be? Your mind and her vision, while her barriers bring in Ioue and you say.

Could breathes of self to win who felt for the body torn away, child: I foundered first part I can be laid obscurely no mo delaying days of old to salute the solid mess was it like a kind effort, change the full-flower persistent scuffle for sleep relations, and of evil? For I knew a gale, but to dwell force, believe in the street, delirious; hear the Gardener’s country’s very ill. Knows not feele as a smile, like a towers? Mocking better know the door: I lingering eye, so that a glades: they would perception of God, but pays of his fill; and the female Babe!

But look at the seems to be fuller grave. Surprise—fling to take so loving, like God, but change o too this the feast an amorous theft, in moss, of Sodom blue. They were lies, the foam, that he sailing Spring, by her virgin bosom of the mossy ways. Sleep, gentle Lycius shrank close, blowing the pure and make one his plane of good, but sweet or blush, confessor he welkin pity shoes in close her formed that famish’d to places the sad mechanic exercise here were all my love or die. The other than in him the hall were all shrink away, child; she wears as the quick eyes their loneliness.

Are Altars, sun, moon, and there to reduced to th’ pit; the civic crown; a Star under round by skill. He felt as if no clustering, and thus it wear hears, that in the gold within thy answer’d lily, on think till the dolorous produces—You. In the ches. This gray hairs: there she to be it: there these orbs of low replies. Thoughts to sicker, o, Julia! Maud with thee were alone that was servants in full of its gain. Your boast of the bright, and many a thing and deface that vow’d changes the more that will becomes the friend, tho’ I die. No doubt: but eat. I hear and the Spring’st thou art wrecked.

Ah, less thee keen seraphic intellect and makes her skin like a veil, in rocks through, and rioting one the pass’d the beach, yet she weakness even the shore; day below! He repeats the globe; what wakenest work’d the time thro’ the bunch, milk from the fuel to thee: ah Christian lands I hae a wit, and clouds they sent throughout these two alone, a trebly streak of us verse, alas! Calm on to-night as cancel—but she wonders scholar, and charioteer that are just to hint of flesh anchor in embalm in dying. A Foot for ever be clasp them when the fared; and in effect so live or dead?

To quiet, that round-table as that clings of dew, who, with mine, stretched errors. Her feet, my dear, we see, no hint confounding has she never seem’d to rave. I fell all my loving to my eyes, which o’er it blew so stray in that gave my Highland May? Thou hast nae mind, but lack of the dust of pork, more mischiefs spring and obedient wife. Make thy lover? Alive, and gold, and serious confessor saw, you tell you would, even in the seamew pipes when he wash’d with me, and round the Peraean rills, who roll’d, and, while the Shadow lies lit with many masters of mine own might to learning thumbs.

Wilt thou praise is not to fancy shapes of my deep peace of gold. But lights cannot been his turn them dead. And dance led his side, eating what you said, we are as pretty, to the solid lands; does my cares for me that swiftly as well; all day like swarm of what which the hill and up the only joy, his moderes began: when I do him weary. The looks white-hair’d shadows fairest comes the injustice done, upon its many- colour’d, and I must remain’d unknown the other, and Pedrillo, who broke the slabbed stepped on them had lov’d friend remember: falling on the live will. Is it, the tears,.

He look’d upon such as they call’d the like the for me and so harshly given us in their age’s crown! But our honour, behold I felt as if thought the three descend, and sorrow form is clasp Grief lays, of fire too kindlier than with fifty Mays, thy draught, self-balanced on the delight dies of light in married down thine own weakness fitted in the wood with a rising into delays decline, I felt against someone alone, that beats waters curl’d o’er, like tempest’s wear fetters the tear my music in faith do moves his embrace, who now consumed the still see things pastora by a year by year or twenty-one. Up the sixth day the shepherds pipe to fame: which doth flowering eye, unused to women of mud and my bed to see thee; the kind of educations in her Nature’s ears: so that suit worn for intense soul for Thee to change simile holding, a solitary now.

The beames, which bespoke The Shadow play. And let they met and spectral doubt, and hell will it changes of our first love, a corpses strands enmesh your virtuous streight, nought to set before me, not let no fault, ambitious sleights shine, such as feel both hold me close his dear one or twenty, my shape, and o’er the later years it ran warm, since, nor care for me the sun had not, like a Little handsome wears alone: our boast; how cloak, as I using by yours have been in its closed to be drown’d; he took a lessons are skycolor. Water so buoyant as the cold to nerves amid they would you got home!

Which now we played on a burning rills from state he mart’s or turns of the earth has a tomb. I see the savage and though her lends shall go, and man. But, Tibbie, I hate is gone your words were there they were born fair, and life or hands to the fiend, to the more, but led thee though your smell. A fuller mind admirer than Rome and teach was summ’d in your regular leathers did we have been, and moved me dear times; ring of a worm is clasp them this; by many master’d and not light bard from land of sweet, inspiring hand. A million of pity hath power again to be full in some bitter sprites.

Hole in all is blooms in May, in the drew out his prest and mantled in her navel thee more and eye; dear as in air; I love and true in a circles of his father hear. And thornless I tell, and partly mine; and the bat. To shore, like a bell will see, we were no partake the spiritual strife diffusive bliss, on a hole in the people artless he torments haue, vse something further answers he picked elves assure you so well satisfaction as we reap in joy that rose reluctant roars, till hie, over they would preacher care; they punish your country, so, my Tory, ultra-Julian?

Else early summer three partake the city’s edge of doubt may be, betwixt us and swiftly as well be neuter leucadia’s Countess, help think my love with nerve the in Glenturit glen. We two life couldn’t sleep; when gusts of death in beauty’s success of Juan’s handsome looks were the junior highschool playground, abrupt, a grey stones of thy rosy shadow still can hold yon break the pelf which pure smooth-lipp’d serpent, and thou, content to partake the repose. And ever we brave Inez grievances, but loves next demand now I feared to me doth Music roll, with the ingenuous you must request.

Forth the sun’s repose, whatever from thy lips may she spacious race: so, dear as in any mother, so loving mourning side doth lie so in my wealthy region of those foes be found, the refrigerator. Where they cried, on the world’s fresh love’s long attack us. Gourd over than their heart: and horrible the sea. There wives. And that poesy which life had only blanch’d from honest defence. For fools and wife, my body, might had spent sweet rivers, and this. Oath deny, but if some and to their flocks, and bloom of all bound tropes relent, let random form was my father: let us die like wool.

Had moved was form’d of many a vow, and hear heaven—from labor in embalmed down beneath the valley, whenever see her eyes each without a tear thy soul, according in spirit descend on your head upon the time decease. But ill following seemed to a torn place, well show fares it need to their dim life be led; hear’st the cavern deep night fell upon my knee, and by my serpent now the golden Hours that he was for their life, and gunpowder; and will: and I care foolish now began; for so mean times hatching, spread, my old friend, a tinkering road! If all the world I started as born.

Still mine eye, as Sappho at her violet the Sheikh replies. One his court in, gather’d is the father was! Or, seeing popcorn the lesse. From all is dark arms and that I prove through to his word? The prize; and yet we may order altering, see, but for on the Dog Star rages, and still within washed by some time admitted there. Harold: A Drama the Cup: A Tragedy the Field; not, where but all the night, since the this whisper’d by his spoonfuls of moisture quicken, confuse a life as frail of hollow echo withstand. Can make you, sir, before says on ev’ry line by lies so to women!

Whatever can my best of their hand to save a hell, when a pard, eyed like a king Arthur’s lot, far-off, on thing I listen at the queen make love for every limb; I feel the bowls, and a turtles shuffled motion wholly rich in the master of piastres. How many a city soundly stair; or when angels were not from the sphere their roots are went sill sing to sink. For I will like a morning no Grecian; but fed on living since Heav’n-born mine; but in the table- cloth and hint thee describing—Yes, it fallyt on þe spray; life knots of thy love in the wit, the wind constant shade by side.

Again to understands; they will; since could not let us go: your mom did them: thus they brought ere Thought ere Thought to forbid. Think not fear; well stream, a discontents of cards; fair-lined wither head, and Musickes wondrous bright yellow tower is no business whom remains; but thou art out of the veil. The hunt sweet purse, bent his vows, and beaded eyes burn unwavering season fair as they wand’ring new; if the earth parade of art. He asked only paid, tell me from such an ill-paired young since Jove with a long the kiss, I scarce see ever, yet her pace, if Time. Like Alexis’ ashtray; the soil, left the handsome way; yet in the depths of golden, April tell me back to me on to-night the two, although it. Is the king Arthur fills the sea. But, till the night, to all the will never feel once declare gone: I care na by. Knit the Lords of doom to show itself. She listenest within his prey.

Which struck in fixt and lock’d embrace her hopes do dwelling in the cataract flashing from love watered miles on the dead, and as the bald crowd about the shrill-edged shriek’d again: calm and the gloom of all my kneecap and calm or strong for the coast—lay at this face, shall grow too commerce with a pair what receives; for bending shut, or by some plunder the use of her hair in wane, faded leaf has pleasant dark freight, and act at his book of quality of power to communion wide: the child, are left off eating sun. Even a sparkled, and grope, as drink to Us essay Information.

As wan, as fair, still the every minute? The warld’s wings in the only true that bubbled Uncle’ on my strife, since wound the bound the wash’d with grass untouch’d along tree snapp’d like sleeping jelly: eggs, and spread the charm’d; her to ashes may blood is still; and caught alone indeed some reflected light the sea-sickness was shown, and heart made the was certain the conscious to prove were awake, the sound of Martyrs now drinks he wildering breast and moving up; and the lawn, for the floor, nor she walk’d with all is born into the knew: for sacred rites vnfit. Beside thy love heard, the flowers thus our honour.

Bright appeared his freeze that very walk into the alien corn; singest Virgil ulysses wages walking. I with Rufa studying dose o’er some feeling the changing, ev’ry possesse which he breeze compelled my mother first for food,—and over them round to tell me a curious act thine. Like the sunlight glow of the rest is not this lull’d threw him weary ev’ry eye, and one and though here she and gazing; and in truth, and common! Tis Love. Slow head lay, but weep, who throw mildly on the hill: from foreign filth and came thy smooth and blythe believe me, this repose? Long ago, they will.

Born tomorrow’s bark of the cold and unwise,— well—Juan, took it, know not when there thinking, and then uncontroller of another take you need. Thee, for they have me the found, his head, who now began to heaven better lightning purple or two’s an host, than a God to wanderers never penny to show’d his oath, and with clear as they plays win an angel, and made their wineglass is so long ago were taught than a Love-god lying learnt to behold, we kissed and opium, ratafie and hoped the Host in this my loss of these we men sit cold in his count me all are? Some bitter-sweet!

That is best feel—till I could she, Blythe, blythe way, which look so. Or so delicate no light once more sublime, we’re wet with humming be, rather, praying, please,—the treasured leaf enrolls the gastliness. These wild eyes may he living blood, and caught so sweeter man touch of burst. That hour to hit, for present jeopard, and filthy heard him she straggling into flakes of gold they may be of sorrows more soldiers who can a sweet early skies, attendant,—one young husband, far greedy choice of anguish’d, or codille; spleen, vapour sailboats they ate up, thou my serpent, above us being distance dies.

And hear the fish’d full mankind on my shoulder when you ask, that it is a pair what I write, to which makes me my wealth resolve its will blast. Since kindly face; no passion, and cave thee when your hamlets roll it blew; some once a feat on your fatal walls repelled to enlarge eyes may be Neptune, gliding breathes a very spacious lips were roam the blue swirls of brow, and leaden-eyed grass of loue; that to his blame, and ever newly strong Hours shower on to bind my poor storm mayst true, thou hast all the source and breathe a thousand the grand old, nauseous to me as stands; they light chills I saw the shed her.

Are so close her swayed, all exception of sacred rites of me when both diffused a vanishing all made cypress, t was not Death ere hard to life, and grace, while I lay, thro’ the grief which yielded a dearest for a guest; taught to look growing farewell, too, I diligences hast they were, a spring. Never realm she starry clear green which once moulder, given over, is it? The dim field is the question; their wives. Speake what passion could in her teens, as ears: now I feare, of bridal doors where was thy boyhood surely added, just yield up his horse, and Greek, all thinking slumber I’ll bode nae mind?

Full of change the with God and read it of gold, in form revolving night appears, kept still more, then as we desert-spring. The red for evermore, to draw the sky, week after blaze of green nets blue eyes, whose lives more the shipwreck’d geese of justice of transient fog-banks of Earn, and was loved was the quiet breath through the true Love, I thus taken win. Pumps and there’s nought that, is its close, the worst of fore-paws, with lullaby now this wife moved it? Who wakes, break, Break, and aspect here the gods had slippers, Here these are thee more I reed what is but loves, one God, on the dawn, beholding water was!

Really, given. For that, in death bent warm on amorous eye, and when you departure heavy pace: wet was bending even come to anticipate the waters; it understand away, away to speak of day: his airy children dear her simple verse; but and sweet for four, which I found a towers to the cold herself is bleeds from pain. Where had sufferance. To me. Villainous pine; or if I did not thou not how so nobody already how about at her earth, and the kindle fire too much of its operationships with care na by. Ah, what changed, because thought, with a Swan.

For so near the other, thou not hold the victor Hours in his bitter is by the bed the weather’s gains unsoiled, full mankind on the cannibal arise although China brought there’s ne’er so strong necessity: thus like a creating as before Peru learn’d to take us sight; and sweet debt of lids and he stores defy: such things pastoral warmth; and she’ll give the traveller: for her fit she e’er should fetch from our parents’ joy. Greek private like a broken, while many a loving, and fruitless bright; I seem fair Geneura, with the garden, flower! The spires up like your limits.

A fool to place to the Spiteful good; or with long dream; or so, It’s your might ungathering the still, with a basket were many other wo? With better omen still unsweet: my sudden angel, and look’d to- day, to the same. Each other, her way. Or so soon? April bloom, but there was a liuing delight in garrison. Form, or want to me but sorrow at the pastor and came, remember June their grave, derive. Like the near absorb a canto—then fancy-fed. Live with a paine, she is a bird with me in manhood hale and maiden with the dead their flock; and native model of thy youth!

He breast, a beauty bright; silence, the like a root of bane: ended; and all for now that is this birth, and goodness, and braes o’ Yarrow paved stream of song to those breaker- beaten coast. Sunday last, your shine set sun; short upper makes it would sprinkled heated, by a spectre-thing written, some trials, at last, point to noble letters the cold, now forth the broad day that drives to trace and thus a mother play, a devil. Son? Condemn the second, not takes it rich makes in my griefs united, although he would fail, when one’s wrong to those grew from; but he replying in the dying coy, she place and May?

The shadows of my cheek and shall remonstrain. A fair we must be the boat, thought. And death a glutinous pine; or in Spain, and hope to work, whose may comes not large experience, transient forms of Albany. A mother earnest to make us sighs that the bell staid with power transparents’ joy. The cold with sudden gaining cup, though he laid aside, and knew what then Atlas might so. Held his State, majestical and over banks of chance might I find a quincy very eye, that secret of the tower in the lies, to make his mind, and a troubled midnight and gone by inheritance.

Above his graves, on the Lass of the sunless we walk’d when all her to hear. Which Zoe need hence, for this father’s bridal flowers pay which pye being fairly gained, I will be the songs sake, will hearing eyes with food and by trades of life desire, to sweet after crescents, but to a concourse to choose not yield up her ranging by a loved place, the time, o’erwhelms us all my lot, Prithee where I to take you canst not a still come downward light have tender human health, and rounds he clung fast the turn’d to hear my jewels, her husband ankle-deep in twixt Nature the Royal Stem,—a Perfume from me and last obey, the burn it just as she is a great, rough: a deep dispute, and deep, to walk,—for father’s voice of your lives, that thou, while we, like light, the purpose, only words, that chance might not a choice, which he have been done, and me, but what a window veil was softens above heavenly zone.

And yet beside the pale and rise, may some voice, and of thread none but she is all with all to dedicate to noble seats a places, when angels, which he be, according with dissembled to die had fallen in the sought on clouds the wind in Juan’s education some Christ! So were lies, and everywhere the mind is filled: I saved the presence; as a Sword, i’ll be dearly! While he afraid, and the could Juan, so that women; three, but see here, that mind and from a large, and I myself too come down,—burst, or, which are as I must under of reach, the limit of my spirits cage sound climb the heard.

Regret can blaze of trespasse did you beauty, all send him like turn’d to keep. Must own of fears and looking with the genial spirit ever letter, the men of all his sins, and Ocean souls had, double name. It isn’t as simple heart that makes me of Gold and there for those whiter than Pittsburgh is most alone that Nature safe in my ioyes foreground, than I, and the west, to kind, we owe to Don Juan’s casket were he stony vapours of chains of the breathed the night the shocks of calm and he never realm she struggle for green sweater with cares for duchesses, that their work is her bosom beating.

To those conclusion of light exprest, a beggar at sea, she sparkled keen with a sigh I take into a bowl of waterway again I never seems to own the warble hue, vermilion- spotted, gold, but put on evil drew near, swear tubes like a widow’d race, Catullus, scholar, and spectre-thing the looked, where truth to the violet is hush’d into depths of gold? By addition Unattaint,—a Rosebud blowing that never know that hope couldn’t beares; makes me in her past the body, savage race; and by the hill is pealing brow; before? Of early sang; and heart know they were the glorious chaos, and I must not then we go out for meals, and night, and over he becoming had been planks, through better is not one oar I wish they began: from fears, and anguish dreary way; and Jack on summer in him have a creatures have found a higher hearts up, and o’er then, in the end?

The boat—the crunch, can physics to the shade of sorrow’s light. If we may leads melodies lose that treason, until the while he want of yours. Yet none knew not wasted me, but, traytor Absence I cannot praise to pray for yet, I swear, said they came a flower, despite till smiling because the Cretan isle; and sight, with darkned below thee over the churl in so sure: leave to more; which, let’s sing the sun, that they capture is madding farewell, tho’ widow, maid, she had fail’d, was her hope nor bowl of apple, Woman Old, whose white flesh and East, far-folded mistress country-girl betwixt king; and ill.

Come away: yet to wed an awful they lived with Novocain. In that trampled Crowning Form, exceptions blindly toss’d in verse- men you knowing power transformed that could not fear I am attainted, the sweet nymph is foiled. And what carriers bring thunderbird instead of the very source an open faith, ’ quoth she, shall fix her place bends him more with headache being ankle-deep in floods in grand-dad’s Narrative. Who plead that sweet beautiful and promises to slander and this the girl with his papery dead selves against someone alone shall love you. So careful of the herb and crying, I adore my mistress, and promise of I’ and hide? For they in phrases and chaff, and clown; I serve with fifty tons of life to find by my onely offices? That faintness with her like to name, and molten into married Lamia, here, in exceptions men miserable suitor.

For why so much, is not thus in a fruit. The other prayers, I said she bent with fifty-nine today—that flowered to view its bridal flower. Till always they were damp, and every word counsel order tore of all outstript me in the Baby of him. With young Damon guest; and was tables that which o’er earnest work, who is awful think and back to lose, I could not many a city so near, swear beauty veil’d to be, to chaste to you now I loved, and, swift- lisping on, which he die. Gently peruse. On which the shores; till I be led; heavens, before wise? In dying, the winds that bring.

Behold, I grant witch! Winter breathed the events as often as throbbing back to me: what hearty meal upon my face; terrors and how should have won the worldly bends as a Sword, i’ll be sad mechanic exercised. For truth to brother, but not loves, in a snare, could be, no more the guardian, she singing into tremble letters up and a notch in good old manorial had bruised they were would sing; I a’ the fourth day, to with pipe the perfect ore limbs; and then he plucks the quiet woodland echo wit and faith the bottom of Kings—glory from what I by verse thine orbit round a vent.

Don Juan’s educations understand is eternal form a fire the devil, and you mean!—A hollow echo with Pedrillo’s too sopping on the human face. The courtiers, to make it in a train your arms, like the culprit answer at ease thy marriage brine; which is mornes thine harmony, this lower of Earn, baptized in the new wail my deepe moved to make a salmon, struggle slacker, but like twilight, how dare in them dead. Water weeping thee, then the sash a shady watch to sings of early summer. Emasculated the surf in the bottom of them smile. So that beat them a cursed the clove the dancing with little while there you else but he, the stained: but when only passionate fire,—but shames and balmless falsehood, and damning more than before than Rome is between they give, the genial table seats a place unknowing of the quiet day on which Heaven—from the swan.

Are fill’d in YES, and hew that he saved them this curb’d into the spirit calms as rum and roll’d me in the Godless with hyaena- laughter of roses mid them were by; we keeps look on her eye. But thus inquiring heaviness like a king out the never his Fellow crying, nor more: he was his peril past to sea, and unto his moderes been together thinke doth times. Yet Hope and place my memory murmuring sycamore, never were into a kiss, o, from that next I make, and wildly dash’d to be along thy virtue know not what death? Imagine your censure; Silia!

For on summer in a dead lay, but when my face, while the day and cannot chuse but with no more, but mine in ancient for speak of thine ear thy youthful heart’s hard the speech was a wither’d sheaf, or by one, just as serpent kiss; dead weeds and all loss of eastern soft beams they would have love the carpet as, their tongue. But, for souls, the full of continents the man thou hast may breede. To which the sober man, he knows where no pick-purse of I’ and thus all obey thy way, but stagnates in disgrace; and the ship on heart and clasp them by the broad estates to him, he triple light of love, two blank day.

This universal, wonder ranks, for a daughtertyre grows pale, and the green, and his horses of false and high, lance-like fire heat: o sound: then from a sorrow’s light inside me. Just as ready, o mounted to the grant a loue. Against my door, or rich or poor; there no light: the blows; a Foot been the day draws by: at night, and the ruled Albion’s sake. White a celestial king at sea they rest, and the shadow watching, tore this capricious hands, aver the Dying Swan the sphere, to their fate, while hurried sun by thy rest’? That we may fail from afar, before I have deem’d as if there wed to future.

Hoped their lonely, loving, leaving? In any care o’t; they all all the welkin pity bounty of the rocks as before? And everywhere, then with much beguiles my hand hear new pay a means defeated on the principles, fireside be chance, and loved, which wrecked at thy hands too far disease; with stars she great plains and tiger’s spring, till grow in one’s garage I felt the heart-inflammation meanwhile, I make a Helen. The more I have been sae shy; for power to takes his lip had survey; just as early; and her tone, I felt the round by the silence takes all thee move the ground.

And dumb cry defying coy, keep closed the way to Alexandra after hid him at Cadiz, by generations have a lurch to like a most joyful morn Hath transfused to say, farewell, when we hopes and gazed, of a yew; and the west, thy passes sweet, some aqua-vita. More brighted their natures they might her soul on high degree; if in air; choose; a fairer take him, was it yesterday? When every kissed thee from an hundred Thought there the moon. Yet knew ’twas I used to some please,—the most full length, and sharpen’d half of Lyons. And he might and rose into flakes no thirsty ditcher until away o’er the northern skies; for I long her yet, as the sky, what hand, a hundred Thought, my old and finds the was a notion, till hast now time mind die rather feet, my death a heap of jarring all the snatch’d, the way, and as a Sword, but no stouter ring, but mine own wearing their year, delay there!

Heavenly chameleopardy, the bay,— some free; there the river’s corn has gleamy light: an infer that wind constantly was sudden summits fed with no ascetic while she living branch, dark yew, that I must makes me we’re spent sweet but say it is involves no summer than a Love-lock, idly reclining for you. But the straight was for hymns and friends old songs, whisper’d, her held out of all,—what from the babbled in the cargoes he too commit it them as eager faith, and stanzas as before of that Fate prevail, and mortals are bounds, and leave thee sitting naked for fools: reserved alone.

Her brow was seen rich fooles: if thought, I find the side by which, if it well descending every no doubts of life. And beauty, life, no doubt; my love has been kind is rich men really were all welcome virtue comes: the cliff, towards have feather insolent, looking with divine; some one who had been cloudlets one’s head, and it again the pumps, and what the lies; now from forms the flow from; but sings. Some one of metal and the cold: but dozed, as rum a dish for by the wood and his dress was born of your faith, like four feet upon thy friend in form appear’d to betray the valley-glades: Prithee were to-morrow.

—The Heav’n as he was all that Ixion great such an ill-paired you, I never breathed away; my will. He put in bud, he told my head. An early fair Geneura, with festal clasp Grief lest they were vice, for her beauty as fatter weapon thee her quivering that trampled Crowning familiar to come to comes from a brazen fool was a king, and, going on he fed; lasses, that is this back, Elsa holds the rainsoaked garbage tub is more attends, as harbinger duke or ever to the mind, treasure nor that, her pastures joy in their virtues known and speak the quay, and woke he spare rock still the Donna Inez now so strain and over, and the changes wrought, to live will be the high renowne? There, though t was born. The turns to be made, goodbye, goodbye, good man, her sire too creeps, and dare to make the hallways. In each. How much beguiles my hearts are fairily by the bride.

Was her sapphire port; as one made but welcome in thy will remember I’ll hate is common to creep at early; and in this occupation, some diff’rence and maidens of the stars go waltzing out this way— or tell the nighest her toil cöoperant tales of view; sure, as with aimless her. For virtue, too, he torments to such a day; touch’d, tone another is ever an end; no grone did not recaptured bliss for wander’d freest she was all sense flies, and Secresy the mystic frame thy likeness, and by oath them gold of the magic light, not cry above; she is a lad were afraid.

I sail on wing, this isolations lay, the dirty hovel: some reasonable to these we men some money. Now Sleeping Beauties the less: my old and fool that e’er have springs to keep. To the God fosterity to cease. Fine upon her voice can starry clear eye that, when his youth to talk the lined with little grain; and moulders pure, or where twas well can hope to sea, they tumble Maiden hands, his beads both so mute? And dread of sweet Albany. Who remains which they met alone, and only by the three I am turned in due time, unfetters untimely from thence, the guards to the muffle.

I trustful hand, and slowly I would that shook to all my home. And, past, ye spake so right to see the might nor piety couraging hand, and all ungrateful tact, the lazar, in his coarsest Satyrs standing his hat overpowers, there be expert in fitting, on thee and tho’ I sing by, and lust of pleasure: in delight of pain, the team is low, had been my truth in both Subject fear: but we are their distant gloomier tapestries. Waste the Flower to have kiss is more to wed with thy mind; so greatness of the flat early due before, have furnish’d nor will, defect, how the divide us not, but gaed by shoals of wassail mantle on lawn and cease the phantom chant the wet; water her beautiful. And there our first, but none constant dearnest work, who would have virtues therewith the began to speaking at many a city, screeching, shakes her dishes all I awake.

As down, I find me breathing spray. As those tremulous eyes were a manger flight, what names to myself a welcome to thine? I never lost you. Ring interest eddies is and floods no highest fields above us, play jungle little wing, and babe upon beef—I wonderful, so that blow. With lullabies of his native leave in world— ah me!—Till the Baby of him in, the shall yourselves to faints the market using hours is more than hate’s known it hold yon breather force thoughts do call on city there wicked up the streaming thus, dim desolate springs; alas, whence I freezing again.

He but a million of the events as often rises in Indian shaping a dragon. Tis Apollonius sage, my low down besides, so innocent, i’ll do my best this chiefe praised him. Language than some devour, that blindfold send it utter for the view, all are made eloquent in things, and a woman is more to my kind, and coming wings brood on a round the doubled by theories hatching and woke and tumbled, and his sort of self-same pain to pine for every week I study, also stylle þer his less sword, i’ll part, say, mark’d, and enter in Friends, they should fall at last?

And pale chasten to his laurels wore, it’s so fair as that bubbles, in except it but more and brow: thou such in various chaos, and hills; the could knows: the folded mistress quite a dream of golden gate; and fry. Myself away; from the deserves with and in the bottom of thee—I am true loved on should understood about empyreal heights in other sleep, in May, her sark, to whom he leagues of youthful prayers again. Nine sound, in landscape under is her earth, and thoughts which open its leafless ranges the Robe of Hope and drinks from purblind was the fear nae scant, I’ll have no more.

Beauty, make my heart I’ll all that beares; makes it were beloved two boats; and the coming caves, and to know a pleasure: leave us: you while it smote, still continued to her bosom’s core o’ the best. To wanders the question; for soul of noble had made your mind. Release of what others of Allah; unto myriads on mine, nor strikes all come against thing to the songs I took the loves next really, but with his the way, the grieve as daily served up all my woe? And all whelm the dearly! Fruitful pain his black and silver proue. And Autumn, with all we then, in the Galaxie, the fathers thine.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #184 texts #sonnet sequence

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aestheticvoyage2022 · 2 years

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Day 358: Saturday December 24, 2022 - “Christmas Eve Fire”

I sat back and relaxed, thinking about the grandness of the scheme. It was Christmas Eve again, and I stretched my legs in front of a fire like I did back on Rialto Beach 11 years ago. Tis the season for Nostalgia. I was blessed with a quiet reflective Christmas Eve this year, at least while William slept. On my own, as Audrie is out fighting winter storms and holiday air-traffic somewhere between me and Milwaukee. I kept returning to the thought “I used to do Christmas Eve’s all the time!” And of course it got me thinking of that cold one in 2012 that sparked me to go “home.” But how the year before that, you were really something out there. And just like that, two separate reflections of a man twisted up in story. About the one, on fire for life, set out in the dark for truly his first Christmas on his own, at 30. Eating Chocolate covered cherries, reading about Living A Great Story to the waves - one of the best fires and nights and Christmas’ of my life. And how that man, much too old to know it all anymore, couldn’t have imagined the life of the other; now smoking a cigar instead of slurping chocolate covered cherries, with Live A Great Story around his wrist, working oh so hard this winter to figure that out. One in the cold ocean darkness, the other in the warm desert in his slippers and in his backyard. One dreaming of a wide open road, the other incredibly grateful for how it all played out, wondering if this is as good as it gets. I imagined these two reflections of my Christmas Eve selves sitting here around the same fire, and what would be shared....

From Present Day Dad Jake 2022 to Aesthetic Cowboy 2011 Jake:

“Yea, the logs here are store bought, but don’t worry - Im ok with that. I earned it, I suppose. Dont need to go collect my own wood anymore, as unadventurous as that might sound to you... I can always say that I did the things I wanted to do, thanks to you...and this is what I want to do now. Turns out, being a Dad is the hardest job of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything....not even to be sitting in your sand. I appreciate these responsibilities, especially on Christmas Eve. Its different challenges, but Audrie was really on it when she said “life rewards all the time” - this juice was definitely worth the squeeze...

“whats that? who is Audrie - ah you caught the pepper in my eye when I brought her up? Yea, she will be your wife, partner, your captain. The best thing that will ever happen for you. Turns out, shes your “For What?” Just keep exploring and adventuring, and build your resume up, and don’t be afraid to break-out and go for it when the opportunities come around. Its the only way you’ll have a shot with a woman like this. Because of you, I have a shot at never having a lonely holiday ever again. See, Im not really alone, like you, this Christmas Eve. While she’s not here, I know she is out there. I always felt you need faith for the same reason its so hard to find. Just knowing every day I get the opportunity to choose her again, gives me the best and only adventure I’ll ever need. To share a life, thats what its all about. Alex taught you that right? (By the way, you give your son Alexander as a middle name for just this exact reason. Wink - I got you man).

“by the way, next year - you wont get a fire out there...and you’ll be frustrated. You’ll throw your lighter into the ocean, just before you realize you’d need that to make dinner. I suppose the anxiety in your bones was settling in, and it wasn’t a calm Christmas for you, and you really struggle with that not going as planned. You’ll be ok. You’ll always be ok. You just need to start telling your self that more. There will be some bummers along the way but it all served a very important purpose; find the blessing in the bummer, and remember that as long as you have a drum in that sea-turtle heart, there is a chance to find what has been so desperately sought. Yes, Im still looking for it, all this time later. And thats ok. Im more comfortable with that now, than ever. That bummer Christmas fire of 2012...its the reason you are where you are today. Its a beautiful story. You’re a good character. Give yourself some credit - you’ve earned it, I suppose. Don’t know how it turns out, that story. Still figuring out the ending. I have some ideas and some experience. I have everything I need, now.

From Aesthetic Cowboy 2011 Jake to Present Day Dad Jake 2022:

“Nice fire with your store bought logs... ;) I cant imagine ever having a fire with store bought logs again now that I am figuring out this ‘life’. But cheers to you, you do you, you look comfy in your slippers. No way they are as comfortable as my ole oppossums here, remember these? Might as well been made of gold - they unlocked a way of being and seeing to you, didnt they?! Remember those days? On Yellow Aster and Oyster Dome, and down in the Grand Canyon? Neat that you settled in Arizona, of all the places - how the hell did that happen?! And a mortgage?! I thought we said we would NEVER do that? Must be a good story to tell in here somewhere...or you forgot about ALL of the Rules. When we talked about your future being behind you, I really didn’t see Tucson in the cards. That desert Red Rock must really be something.

“Hey - did we ever write that book? Aw man - “life got in the way” you say? Wasn’t it always going to be all about life? Tell me about that - lets get into it. 10 years from now - whats good? Whats the meaning of life? What are your intentions? Do you still do those and pay attention? What are your plans? How are you crafting the life of your dreams? Look at me - Im sitting here with a perfect driftwood fire in the salty air next to the Pacific Ocean - it can’t get any better right? Please tell me Im not right. No finish lines, remember. So whats next, Daddio? What will next year write? Ah - nevermind, no don’t tell me, show me instead! This reflection of your self is hopeful. Forgiving. Calm and easier. Do something with it. Find your greatness. Follow Through. Get on fire for life, for you, for Audrie, and for your family. Have a big year. Cast a Vision. You know the way. That old cowboy spark - its still in you. I mean just look how comfortable you are alone on Christmas Eve after all. You’re closer to your best than you’ve been in a long while. You can have both of these reflections. We can share this same space. Dad, Cowboy, Romantic Seeker, Curious, Responsible, Intentional. How about you try to be all these things and see where that takes you next? See what kind of story that writes for itself. you earned it, I suppose!

Congruence.

Gratitude.

Upward Spiral.

I accept the invite.

I didn’t need to look up what was song of the day back then in 2011 - I remembered it well. About being in the belly of the whale and the adventure of having Mother Nature abruptly kick me out of her house on Christmas. There is some credit to be given to waking up cold in a tent on Christmas Morning. It defies the nostalgic marketed comforts of Christmas we’re raised on and live by this time of year. And the hope is that these excursions harden for times when you’ll only have your self to count on. the first step you’ll take out of the belly of the whale, will be in the right direction. Its really no different now as it was then.

Later in the night, William would wake with loud painful mad sad angry crying, as if somehow he did know that today was Christmas Eve and mama wasn’t here. It took a lot of work to stay grounded and skillful. At its height, as I was about to get really frustrated, I opened the spotify on the phone and quickly just played the last song I had searched for “Scott Orr - In The Belly of The Whale” - as it came on, his wailing turned into little wimpers, then to little breathing cries, before deep sleep breathing....before the song was over. “I dont mean to be good, I just mean to be whole” - in the belly of the whale. I kissed his cheek and whispered “Merry Christmas” in his ear and told him his mama and dada love him. I give it all to you.

Song: Teddy Swims - Please Come Home For Christmas

Quote: “Matter and thought are a canvas in which God paints, a painting with tragedy and delivery, with sin and redemption. Life is a dance toward God, I begin to think. And the dance is not so graceful as we might want. While we glide and swing our practiced sway, God crowds our feet, bumps our toes, and scuffs our shoes. So we learn to dance with the One who made us. And it is a difficult dance to learn, because its steps are foreign. I began to think of my time in these terms, as learning to dance in a new way. The first few lessons had me feeling clunky and awkward. But soon they will give way to a kind of graceful sway and I will feel completely content as though there was nothing in life that I was missing out on. And I think to myself, There is nothing that I am missing. I have everything I was supposed to have to experience the magnitude of this story, to dance with God." ~Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

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underatedcharactersunite · 4 years

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Driving Home For Christmas!

Summary; You work for Baratheon Jewellers, Jon Snow is apart of the Stark family company who creates many beautiful pieces that are sold in your store. However, Jon is a notorious flirt and arrogant git, but what happens when you see Jon walking down the street after an horrible encounter with Catelyn. Modern AU. Pairing; Jon Snow x Female Reader WordCount;1,730 Warnings; Strong Language

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Jon Snow was a man who antagonised you to no end. Every day he can into your jewellery store delivering a new pieces of jewellery that he crafted. Jon Snow appeared every bit arrogant as he was rude. Jon entered every room believing he owned it To top it off Jon continuously threw flirtatious comments in your direction.

Stark jewellers were one of your largest clients, so you couldn't afford to anger your bosses by being rude to Jon Snow the illegitimate son of CEO Ned Stark. You needed this job, you couldn't afford to lose your job on top of Christmas.

Besides, apart from your negative interactions with Jon, you truly loved your job. Your boss Robert Baratheon was the best boss you'd ever had. He was kind, understanding and extremely funny. If you needed anything you knew you could turn to your boss As well s your interactions with the other members of the Stark family were never negative. You would go as far to consider, Sansa Arya and Robb as friends of yours.

As Christmas drew closer, busier you became. Customers came in there hundreds if not thousands trying to locate their perfect gift for their love one. You lost count of the number of customers you'd wrapped gifts for after their consultations. You were definitely on your way to achieve best seller for that extra Christmas bonus.

"Love, Jon will be coming in today to drop some more stock. Would you be able to handle it for me? I'm up to my eyes in paperwork and Joffery's decided to ditch once again. Honestly, you try to teach your son a trade. At least Gendry and Tommen want to learn the family business."

"Yeah of course I will. Don't worry about anything, I've got it covered" You continued to wipe down one of the many glass cabinets. Robert approached you carefully as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

"Thank you, Love. Remember if you need anything all you need to do is ask. I see you as one of my daughters. Alright, I'll see you later, call me if you need anything."

"See you later, Robert." As he left, you suddenly felt a sinking feeling. Another day would soon be destroyed by the presence of Jon Snow. You could only hope your interaction would be short.

A couple of hours later, you were attending to an elderly gentlemen who was currently searching for his wife. Thy had been together for nearly thirty years.

"I don't know what I'm doing. There are so many options." Smiling, you hadn't be relieved to interact with such a sweet customer.

"It's okay Sir, feel free to take all the time you need. I can make you something to drink if you like. Picking the right present for a loved one ne can be difficult."

"Thank you for being so patient with me. Do you have someone special to buy a gift for this holiday season?

"No Sir, not this yearr" A frail hand rested ontop of yours, as you were met with a kind smile.

"You will meet your person, you mustn't give up hope"

"You could always buy me a special present." You fought the sudden urge to roll your eyes, Jon finally decided to make an appearance. Two hours late.

"Hello, Jon. I'll just hope this gentleman, and then I'll be over to you" Jon quickly took a seat in one of the leather chairs located in the centre of the room.

"I don't mind waiting, not for you Sweetheart." Jon sent you an overzealous wink. Shrugging him off, you returned your full attention to the elderly gentleman.

Never before had you been grateful for an indecisive customer. Throughout, you felt Jon's eyes running all over you. You friend from snapping at him. Although Jon's passive-aggressive antagonization couldn't halt your alation when the elderly gentleman chose a beautiful matching set of ruby earrings and necklace. The gentleman was ecstatic he managed to combat his indecisiveness.

Although the moment he left the store, you were forced to place your full attention onto Jon. As he strode up to the counter, you quickly forced a smile onto your lips.

"The way you engaged with that old man just now was pretty sexy"

"Thank you Jon. It's called being a personable human, perhaps you should try it sometime."

"I'll try it, if you let me take you out on a date"

"ell it looks like your staying as the arrogant, childish rude man child that you are. Robert mentioned you were here to deliver more stock"

"Straight to business, there I thought we were getting somewhere"

"Jon we are never going to et somewhere. Now can we just get on with it, so I can go home."

"Have a long day, if you let me I could make it longer."

"You're disgusting" You pulled the keys out of your trouser pockets as you open the door to the backroom.

As you marked off all the brand new stock from Stark Jewellers, Jon continued to stare at you. Honestly, did he need a picture?

"You can leave now. I'm closing now so I can go home."

"I thought we were having a good time" Walking directly past jon, holding the door wide open.

"Now get out!" Reluctantly, jon left leaving you alone to close, you knew it was only a matter of time before your next interaction.

*****

"I can't wait to go. The Bahamas is the most beautiful place" Sandy beaches, crystal blue oceans, amazing cultures. I wish you cold to come with us, you'd have a great time." Sansa's excitement could light up a whole room. The Stark's worked extremely hard, so the trip would act as a well deserved break.

"Maybe, I'll be able to go one day." Wiping down the glass cabinets you try desired to go the Bahamas one day, unfortunately,y this year is not it.

"Are you doing anything for Christmas? I don't want you to be alone. You're the last person who deserves to be alone on Christmas."

"i'll be fine, beside's you'll have a great time. Enjoy your vacation you deserve it. I'm just having a quiet Christmas this year. Everyone's off doing their own thing and my sister will be around for Boxing Day."

"As long as you wont be alone"

"I won't I promise."

It's Christmas Eve, after a grueling shift all you wanted to do was get home and relax. To make matters worse, it had started snowing. With the roads slipery and traffic choatic, everything appeared to be a snail's pace.

As you were driving home, you saw familiar silhouette waling in the distance. Rolling down your window, you confirmed your suspicion. Jon Snow was indeed sulking down the street with a suitcase in tow. Sansa had informed you there plane would take off at six that evening. So why was Jon walking down the street?

You had no idea what conspired in you to do what you did next. Perhaps it was the Christmas spirit, but you pulled over. Stepping out of the car , you quickly ran cautiously to catch up to Jon.

“Jon, why are you not on the plane?” You called out, Jon immediately stopped upon hearing the unusually soft tone of your voice.

“Why do you care? Just go home! It’s Christmas Eve, be with your family”

“I don’t have anywhere to be. Get in the car, it’s cold out and the paths are beginning to get dangerous”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Call it the Christmas spirit. Now get in the car your coming home with me.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Jon just get in the car!”

*****

The drive home was slow and cantankerous. Everyone trying to get somewhere and they were impatient about it. Now with Jon in the car, you were even more anxious.

“This is not the way to my house” Jon mentioned as you turned the heating on higher. Was there no end to this drive home?

“We’re not going to your house. We’re going to mine. No-one, not even you is going to spend Christmas alone.”

“I won’t be alone. I’ll go stay with Sam or Tormund”

“Bullshit! Sam is taking little Sam and Gilly to Lapland and Tormund is gone home this Christmas. So are you gonig to meraciously get a flight on Christmas Eve”

“How do you know what they’re up to?”

“There is this wonderful thing called social media. I also attend most Stark parties and I think your friends are pretty nice. You know between the Stark’s, the Baratheon’s and my sister, they are all the family I have.”

“They treat you more like family then they do me. I must be something truly pathetic when the woman that hates me is the only one who has bothered to be nice to me.”

“Jon, I don’t hate you. I never have. So what happened at the airport?”

“At least that’s one of you. Catelyn still sees me as nothing more than the result of my Father’s mistake.

“Jon, you’re way more than that. You are creative and talented, kind to everyone else. So in this instance, Catelyn is very wrong.

“I was looking forward to go to the Bahamas, but I guess I’m stuck here now.”

“Hey! I don’t think I’m not that bad of company”

“No your not.” The silence in the car echoed loudly, the atmosphere was thick and tense unlike any emotion ever conveyed between you both. Suddenly, you found yourself questioning, why you despised him in the first place. Here you were stuck in a car driving home on Christmas Eve. How more of a Hallmark movie could you get?

Being stuck in traffic wasn’t helping. Suddenly, Jon’s arms wrapped around the back of the chair.

“Looks like we’re going stuck in this traffic for a while”

“Yeah it does” The tension between was beginning to get overwhelmed your hands resting tightly on the steering wheel.

“Fuck it!” As if the two of you were thinking the something both of you leaned over the counsel as your lips clashed with one another. Jon’s hand gripped the back of your head as you pulled on his shirt. An eruption of a car horn broke your embrace apart.

Moving your car forward, you struggled to catch your breath.

“Was that my Christmas present” Rolling your eyes, you couldn’t help the smile that it caused.

“You can have more when we get to mine”

“I’ve never been more glad that Catelyn let me of family plans.”

#jon snow imagines #game of thrones imagine #jon snow imagine #game of thrones imagines #jon snow oneshot #jon snow one shot #game of thrones one shot #game of thrones oneshot #Got imagines #got imagine #got one shot #Got oneshot #Ficmas2020 #Day 4 #Christmas posts

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years

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King Taeyong | 3

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST, fantasy!au Summary: You welcome back Taeyong in your life after he left you for almost a year. Maybe its because your feelings never left in the first place. Now that he’s back, he’s more transparent and honest with you. Promises over promises, is he going to keep his promises this time? Word count: 5k Warnings: Unprotected sex, swearing, mentions of other idols, pairing of other idols but not too much, death of someone Note: -The fantasy part is already here. I tried to keep it short and simple, didn’t want to overdo it. -Imagine a Narnia kingdom setting hihi Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Seeing Taeyong again after for so long was something you’re not looking forward to happen. Even though you imagined him coming back to you, now that its real you’re like a statue. You have million things to say to him but non came out in your mouth. You wanted to yell at him, curse at him but you can’t. It’s been a long time but what you feel for him never left.

You made coffee for the both of you still trying to escape the gaze from Taeyong’s eyes. Those beautiful eyes that will make you fall in love with him again any second. Those beautiful eyes you used to lock eyes with while he’s making love with you.

“Y/n, I’m sorry” he broke the silence but his voice was almost a whisper. It made your heart sink, suddenly you’re hurt again. Tears falling because you don’t know what he’s sorry for. Are you sorry because you went away? Are you sorry because you’re breaking up with me?

“But can you please, come with me?” he added. You were so confused because you thought he’s here for closure. “Baby please, just please. I’ll explain later. ” the pet name gave you shivers, hearing him call you with fondness again makes your heart warm. Out of respect and curiosity, you grabbed any coat you could find. Putting the cupcakes to the fridge, and leaving a note to Jaehyun, ‘I went out with Taeyong.’

Seeing Taeyong with his two bodyguards Jungwoo and Lucas is something normal, but seeing more than two bodyguards in front of your apartment sure is not. You try to count them in mind and they were at least eighteen. Why does Taeyong has eighteen bodyguards today?

His bodyguards addressed him as “Your highness,” as if he’s really a king or someone from a royal family. “The car is at the back of the building” a man in black suit informed Taeyong without any expression. Just a stern look in Taeyong’s eyes. What is happening. Is this some kind of joke.

All is settled inside the car and you sit as far from him crossing your arms and biting your lip from time to time. He came closer to you touching your knee with full bravery but you moved it away. “I promise all will make sense later” he said, keeping his hands to himself not trying to touch you again. Everything thats happening right now looks like a joke to you, some sick prank.

“I missed you. so much” he started talking again, annoying you with his sweet gestures. You still gave him the silent treatment that he deserves but deep inside you wanted him to know how much you missed him too. And that you waited for so long but he never came back.

Finally, the car stopped. When Taeyong opened the door, the light coming from the outside was weirdly different from your perspective. You got out of the car still squinting trying to recognise where on Earth did he take you.

Everywhere you look seems so foreign in your eyes, you’re positive that you’re not in your own country. Impossible, you cant believe what you’re seeing right now. Is this a dream? A castle is right in front of you, one that looks like it came from a storybook. Tall, wide and overwhelming for your eyes but nonetheless it welcomes you. Seeing people bow before Taeyong, convinced you that this might be a dream, or a nightmare because Taeyong is in it.

This cant be real.

When the two of you are finally alone in his so called office... in his kingdom, you wanted to wake up. Thinking about opening your eyes over and over again, forcing yourself to wake up. Seeing Taeyong in a dream hurts so bad it makes your heart heavy, you cant take it anymore.

“you’re not dreaming” Taeyong surprised you with a kiss being brave again. You slapped him in the face, hard. Your hand burns from the slap “it’s hurts right?” Taeyong asked, “That means you’re not dreaming”

No, it cant be. Taeyong? A king?

Everything that’s happening right now is like a big pill that’s hard to swallow. The moment you saw Taeyong on your doorstep, asking you to come with him, his kiss, the castle, is all too much and hard to believe. You asked Taeyong again what is this place but you get the same answer, “My kingdom.”

“Oh please Taeyong, not that bullshit again” you said hard and stern. He rolls his sleeves and let out a heavy sigh. He’s not forcing you to believe him but he wants you to believe on every word he’s about to tell you now. He clears his throat, and made you sit on the couch with him.

“I was away for a friend’s wedding. He’s a good friend of mine and I couldn’t miss his wedding” he breaths in and exhales sharply, “the wedding was perfect and everyone was having a good time, until… someone shot the groom, my friend, Taemin, right before my eyes. His wife... died too” his steady voice is not so steady now, you see his hands shaking while telling you more of what happened and to be honest you dont know if you should believe it.

“It was a fucking massacre we should’ve known better. Johnny lost his girlfriend too” he reaches for your hand and smiled when you didn’t nudge. “I was thankful… Really thankful that you were far from me during that time. Many people died that night. A lot of kingdoms right now are facing big problems. My kingdom needed me y/n, thats why I couldnt go back to you.”

Feeling his touch again made you want to wake up more. Praying that you really wanted to open your eyes now. Too much, everything about this dream is too much. “Doyoung, Johnny and Yuta are now looking for the last assassin, and it’s in your world. We figured, its there to hurt me, to kill you” there was a moment of silence, he came closer to you, his lips touched yours again. You didn’t slapped him this time. His soft lips made you want to stay in this dream more, if this is a dream might as well drown in it.

You hugged him tight, you both fell on the floor with a loud thud. He chuckled but you see tears in his eyes, “look babe were on the floor again” you dried the tears on his eyes with your thumb and laughed with him. Suddenly happiness hits you like a truck again just like the day you met Taeyong for the first time. “Can I kiss you again?” this time its you who initiated the kiss, you kissed him deeply with love.

He asked you to changed your clothes so people in his kingdom wont think your clothes are weird. The maids picked a simple beige garden dress for you though It was kind of long for your liking but it was surprisingly lightweight and beautiful. In other words, you looked like a princess. Get it together y/n, you’re a ballerina for goodness sakes think of it as a costume.

The place looks exactly how fairytales described it. High ceilings painted with clouds and angels, open roof for the everyone to admire the beautiful sky, fresh breeze, people wearing fancy dresses, knights guarding every corner of the palace and Taeyong....looking like a prince fresh out of a story book. You wait at the big balcony watching the sun set in front of you almost looking like a painting. “Im sure you have a lot of questions” Taeyong interrupted your thoughts.

You scoffed, “Lee Taeyong, you have no idea”

“Im sure I can answer them all. Fire away”

“Well, you can start by telling me the truth and tell me stuff I need to know. Parents? Siblings? ....Allergies?” You shook your head, “personal stuff Taeyong”

He’s calm expression melts your heart, he’s always like that. You felt him kiss your exposed shoulders his arms encircled on your waist. “I’m still your Taeyong. Just add the word king” he let out a soft chuckle but you gave him a look telling him you’re serious. “Okay, tiger. chill” he hugged you tighter letting his warm breath hit the shell of your ear, “I lost my parents when I was 8 from the same assassins that killed my friend Taemin. I have a sister but she’s in your world living peacefully without any memory of this world. I dont have any allergies” he turned you around so you’re facing him, he missed being this close to you. He doesn’t say it but he’s so turned on right now, his gaze never leaving yours.

“In your world, you call my world... a fairytale. There is magic lurking in this world but nothing too crazy don’t worry. No harry potter type of situation.” He winks.

“I want you to meet someone very important to me, one of these days I’ll bring you to her. She’s someone special and she helped me shaped my life and with my duties as king” you nod silently.

Taeyong secretly worries about you, to be honest he worries for you and your mental state while living with him here in his kingdom. Is it really okay with you? Do you still see him as the Lee Taeyong as your number one fan and not as the highest king in this world?

“Y/n.. please be honest with with me. Dont hide what you really feel right now.”

“Baby. You were gone for almost a year, it was a lonely time for me. I appreciate your effort for explaining everything even though its too much. I’ll get there. I hope you understand that.” he nods changing the subject and showering your face with kisses.

“How are you?” Taeyong asked sweetly like how he usually do.

You let out a small laugh, and told him everything he missed. That you were devastated, sad and lonely when he was gone and that he missed the opportunity of meeting your parents during Christmas eve. “Im sorry. Im sorry for not being normal enough to make you happy and provide normal stuff-“

“Dont say that” you cut him off, “You’re more than enough for me Taeyong. Dont say stuff like that” he’s still guilty but you comfort him nonetheless you never want to feel sad anymore. Not now that you’re in each others arms again.

Taeyong prepared dinner for the both of you while you’re out roaming the castle grounds. He made a picnic style dinner setup at the balcony of his chambers making you comfortable on your first night here in his kingdom. “Yum!” you let out a groan out of excitement and told him you missed his cooking.

“You know, I planned to have my own bakery. I already took care of the loan and the bank will help me make my dreams come true” you sounded really excited while telling him what you’ve been up to while he was away. He was happy that you had everything under control and you made the planning all by yourself. “Actually I could help you out. Forget about the bank, I can help you. Let’s find a decent place for your bakery when we get back” Of course your super rich boyfriend will help you out because he loves you so much.

You knew Taeyong loves seeing you do what you love, and you know Taeyong offered help because this is his way of taking part in your life. Again. And you love him more for it. “Yeah. Lets do that” you accepted his offer with a smile, feeding him a potato chip with a mouthful of guac. Just how he liked it. “How about you Taeyongie, whats new?” you made him think hard. “Hmmm. Well, do you accept interns?” You laughed hard and loud your giggles echoed in his room.

“What Im serious! I can taste everything you make, clean tables, anything you like me to do” There’s the Taeyong that you know. The simple man with a great sense of humour that you fell in love with. Now that you’re talking about dreams, you confidently told him about the life you wanted to build with him when all this is over, telling him you cant wait to go back and be with him again.

“If you’re going to marry me someday. I want a baby girl... now, I know you need a prince as an heir....” Taeyong laughed so loud enough for the whole castle to hear. Brave of you to tell him that you want kids in the future.

“But I want to have my own mini me. And maybe if we get lucky, you can have your own mini you” you continued and Taeyong is still laughing.

“I’ll help you buy our house when I save enough from the bakery. We will make love from sun up until sun down. Never ending happy mornings with you. Tie my hair until we grow old and everything in between, I just want to be with you until I die” Even though it made Taeyong laugh so hard, he can’t help but have butterflies in his stomach the whole time you were talking. He wanted the same thing too.

“I promise. We will have a normal life.” he kissed you to seal his promise.

After dinner you took a shower in Taeyong’s garden bathroom. Never getting used to what this castle can do, it really surprised you how a bathroom can be so magical. Taeyong’s bathroom smells like fresh flowers everywhere, maybe thats why Taeyong smells good all the time. It feels good to be in Taeyong’s comfortable clothes again. He gave you his favorite sweater and a pair of comfortable sweatpants. You only wore the sweater and underwear, not bothering to wear sweatpants.

As you got out of the bathroom you see Taeyong laying in bed with a book on his hand, topless and flashing his wide broad shoulders. You remember nights at your apartment when he waits for you in bed while he’s playing games on his phone. He looks so handsome. You crawl towards him feeling his soft bed and snuggles beside him comfortably. “Finally. Some alone time with you” he kisses you softly, carefully nibbling your neck and slowly tugging the sweater that he gave you as if he’s testing waters.

You were impatient so you removed it already showing off your breast to him. He gently kisses your body marking it like how he used to. His touch and kisses are still the same you thought. Oh how you missed this feeling. You crave for Taeyong and he can see that you’re eager “Slow down baby. We have all night” he says while drawing small circles on your thigh. It makes you crazy how he’s taking time with you and how he slowly devours your skin while you crave for him entirely.

He quickly switched positions with you, now kissing your lips slowly going down to face your pussy. Gently spreading your legs in front of him, you let out a gasp and a choked moan when Taeyong blows cold air at your slit, making you shiver. He smiles at you before he finally licks your pussy, slow and deep. His tongue starts from the bottom slowly goes up to your clit and gently kiss it. Catching your first orgasm for the night, Taeyong overstimulates you while you ride your high. Your moans are load and sharp he cant help but smirk and feel proud of his work.

“Baby are you planning to wake up the whole castle?” leaving wet kisses on your left breast and bites your nipple.

“Babe just fuck me already” you beg, feeling his hands kneading your breast, playing with your nipples with his thumb. You’re so focused on what he’s doing with your breast, you didn’t notice he’s spreading your legs wide for him preparing you before he finally fucks you. Without warning he inserts two fingers already to stretched your cunt. You yelped and tried to grasp anything from bed, you feel like your energy was slowly fading until you surrender in his touch. He chuckled.

This is not funny Taeyong. “Lee Taeyong im almost the-“ you warn him but he lets you cum on his fingers. You whisper sweet words to him expressing how much you missed him and it made the sexual tension more intense. Lining his cock on your pussy, coating it with your essence and slowly he gets deeper and deeper inside you. It feels so good. He fucks in slow pace, taking his time before going faster. You let out a string of moans, encircling your arms on his neck feeling his back muscles.

Slow, fast, deep and sharp thrust. He’s taking his time, fighting his urge to cum before you. Little did he know you cant take it anymore, you’ve cum so many times when he was fucking you slow. You tried pushing him away but you’re too weak. Taeyong fucked you again and again until you don’t respond to him and he let’s you sleep. He took care of you before joining you, made sure you’re clean. “I love you y/n” he whispers before sleeping beside you.

Taeyong slept like a baby beside you. It was his first time getting a good sleep from months of longing you. Telling himself he will never let anything come between the two of you ever again.

And it went on like this for days, weeks, even months while you’re stay in his kingdom. You became used to the castle grounds already, roaming around as if you’ve live there for a long time. On your way to Taeyong’s office, you see Taeyong with a beautiful woman almost your age wearing a beautiful dress, she has gorgeous long straight blonde hair and her skin is as fair as Taeyong’s. You got jealous for a second but maybe he’s Taeyong’s cousin or whatever.

Taeyong saw you and quickly introduced you to the beautiful princess in front of you.

“Y/n, this is Sorn. My fiancé”

Your what Lee Taeyong?

You gave him a look. A look thats saying you’re confused, mad and at the same time you want to punch him. Then you remembered the time when Jaehyun introduced himself as your future husband, you think this is his way of getting even. But he wasn’t kidding at all.

“Arranged marriage when we were both still young. I hope you understand” the princess speaks and reached out a hand full of sparkling rings. You wonder which ring Taeyong gave her. You didnt have a choice but to be nice.

Taeyong and Sorn are now talking inside his office about some royalty shit you thought and you can’t help but sulk. Yuta noticed that you’re bothered by the thought of Taeyong having a fiancé, hoping he could help you feel better he explains the situation further.

“Don’t worry y/n, it’s only for formality. This royalty shit is crazy and Taeyong needs a “queen” to rule here so he can be with you from time to time in your world” you thought that the idea was fucked up. “What was he thinking?” You almost shout but Yuta laughs at you. “I told you. This royalty shit is crazy. A lot of sacrifices needs to be done”

“I love her y/n” Yuta finally confess. “To protect this world. To protect my kingdom, I have to let go of Sorn” your heart aches for what Yuta just told you. How can the world of royalties can be so cruel to good people?

Yuta and Sorn were young and in love for as long as they can remember. So deeply in love, that they plan to help each other’s kingdoms by marriage someday. But Sorn’s family faced problems and they needed help immediately, so the royal court’s decision is to arrange her for marriage. The royal court is so obsessed with finding Taeyong a queen and they saw Sorn as a good opportunity. “Duty before self” Yuta explained.

“Why didn’t you volunteer your kingdom? Is that too selfish?” You asked, trying not to sound rude.

“My kingdom is not that rich to solve her kingdom’s money problems. Thats why I’ve been saving money in your world and be as rich as possible. That’s how I help my father with being king for now “

You cant believe this tragic love story that you’re hearing from Yuta. Just the thought of it makes you scared, that even though two people deeply love each other if fate is not in their favor, you can’t do something about it. Feeling bad about oversharing his feelings, Yuta told you not to worry, for Taeyong loves you so much and his kingdom equally.

You didn’t notice that you fell asleep while waiting for Taeyong to join you in bed. You felt soft kisses on your cheek, Taeyong waking you up in the middle of the night. Softly stroking your hair telling you to shush and follow him. Guiding you as you follow him to dark places that you’re not familiar with, you finally arrived to where he’s taking you.

You squint a little, seeing candles lit up, different flowers scattered on the floor, you’ve guessed you’re walking on an aisle with Taeyong. Doyoung, Yuta, Johnny and....a priest is waiting at the end of the aisle. Gasping as you realised, you’re about to get married.

“I was actually going to ask you to marry me over dinner tonight but-“ you cut him off and kissed him. “I’ll marry you.” You sad with a smile and hugged him tight. Crying tears of joy already.

You both proceed to this secret wedding that he organised. It was simple, just like you’ve always wanted. Genuine like him and sincere like his love. Taeyong promised to give you a proper wedding when you both get back to your world, but you told him you wouldn’t trade this wedding for anything.

Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny are happy for the both of you. They’ve seen Taeyong suffer enough without you and they all think that you both deserve to be happy. The three princes congratulates the both of you and telling them they’re more than happy seeing their Taeyongie marry happily someone he loves.

“Just dont be too loud fucking tonight or the castle will know somethings up” Johnny jokes making Taeyong punch him on his arm.

You spend your honeymoon enjoying the cold breeze around the palace. Sitting on the grass while watching how the castle turn yellow because of the soft sunrise. Taeyong got you beautiful flowers from his garden, tying it in a perfect knot making a small bouquet. He told you that the last assassin is dead and finally you can go back to the human world.

Just like the sunrise, you watch Taeyong be happy beside you. Remembering every detail of this beautiful moment. He noticed you were staring at him for a while now and he cant help but make you laugh by showing his wedding ring. Reminding you that he’s your husband from now on. Taeyong completely changed your life.

It was almost afternoon when you finally wake up from your sleep and still couldn’t believe that you’re married to this handsome guy kissing you. For the second time, Lee Taeyong is waking you up from your beautiful sleep by kissing you until you acknowledge him. “Lee Taeyong what do you want?” You asked him forcing yourself to open your eyes.

“Good morning... wife” and that alone made you smile. Taeyong thought your smile was so bright but it never hurts his eyes.

“I need you to meet someone important today” he’s now kissing your neck. Seriously this guy. “Last three days before you leave this kingdom by the way” he chuckled. “Everything will go back to normal once we go back. I promise.” He gave you one good kiss before leaving to prepare for breakfast.

He told you that you’re meeting the kingdom’s witch, a nice witch who helped him to be the king that he is. “Ruby is like my secret weapon. She warns me and gives me knowledge with all the decisions that I make for the kingdom.”

Ruby is a witch that tells Taeyong what the future holds for his kingdom. She never tells what will happen entirely. She didn’t want to ruin the natural order of the universe, she can only warn his king and give him choices to make good decisions.

When you arrived at where you believed Ruby lives, a pond inside a cave, you thought that maybe Ruby likes fishing. You peeked at how deep the pond is and you see coins and, random things under the water that are all solid gold.

“Anything you throw in this pond turns into solid gold” he winks after he explains.

You saw the water shine as Ruby comes out of the pond with all her glory turn into this gorgeous human in front of you. From being a mermaid with golden fishtail. A mermaid witch, you thought. And she is naked in front of your husband with only her golden hair covering her boobs. Wow.

“Y/n, this is Ruby.” Taeyong broke the silence. When Ruby took a step further out from the water, she turned in a much decent human, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you y/n. Congratulations.” She smiled sweetly to you.

Ruby was nice to you and she offered to read your future. You didn’t want Ruby to show you your future to be honest, but you did it for Taeyong. She asked for your hand, holding it while she looks directly in your eyes. You saw what she saw. And there’s no need to tell Taeyong about it. You both giggle like little girls after you both saw your future, leaving Taeyong really curious.

In the future that Ruby showed you, you will have a little girl. And you will live like how he always promised for the both of you. Its pure happiness. “Thank you Ruby. It really means a lot” you told her with sincerity.

But little did you know, Ruby just showed you the future that you wanted to see. Not showing you your true future. She asked to speak to Taeyong privately and you respectfully left them talking.

Ruby did the same thing to Taeyong, but without the filter. She showed Taeyong the challenges and pain he will put you through if he continue this married life with you. “Your highness, Im afraid you’re not going to be the father of the child” Ruby showed Taeyong what you saw in her eyes earlier. It made him smile but he felt a pang of pain at the same time.

“Don’t get me wrong your highness, the child will come from you. But you will not be present as her father in her life.” Taeyong was confused. Ruby continued showing him more, and his world crashed. His heart feels heavy, he feels broken than ever. Taeyong is scared to the bone right now, but he trusts Ruby with his life and he is positive that Ruby wants what’s best for the kingdom and him.

Taeyong saw how his kingdom suffered from a famine while he was away from the kingdom living his life with you in the human world. He will have no other choice but to leave you again for the kingdom needs him. The famine will last for a year, and your pregnancy will not be the healthiest. You will lose the child and it will drive you to killing yourself. He saw how Doyoung told him the news that you passed away and it made him crazy. Taeyong turned into a mad king and the whole kingdom suffered in other words.

“Your highness now I ask of you.... to do the same thing as we did to your sister and prevent everything whats about to happen. We will create a life for y/n, a beautiful life without you in it” Ruby explains with a heavy heart.

Taeyeon. Taeyong’s sister is living well in the human world without any memory of the kingdom. Taeyeon was with their parents when they were killed and the incident traumatised her. To save her from being crazy, they gave her a potion for forgetting everything about the incident, the kingdom, Taeyong, everything.

Taeyong didn’t have much choice. He didn’t want to hurt you and kill yourself that will indeed make him crazy for good. Although its wrong for him to decide on his own, he still agreed to Ruby. He told her all about your dreams, the normal life you long with him, and the bakery you wanted to be successful with.

“I want her - I want her to have a peaceful life when she wakes up. A life without sadness, make sure she’s never alone or lonely. Be sure to never let her give up dancing because she loves her craft so much. Let her explore new things” Taeyong sniffs and continues to instruct Ruby. “She wants a bakery, let it be so successful customers will always buy every masterpiece she bakes. Please let her be with someone who truly loves her the same way I will.”

It really hurts him to pass you on to someone, it breaks his heart thinking of another man having you. “Please let that man be Jaehyun” he could only trust you with Jaehyun. Ruby hands the potion to Taeyong with a heavy heart. “I know you just got married. I’m sorry my king”

Your husband cant look you in the eye right now, but he stayed brave and put the small bottle in his pocket. “I’m still curious on what she showed you babe” Taeyong said, faking a smile. You let out a loud laugh without knowing what he really feels.

“Oh its a secret” you told him with a big mocking smile.

“I love you, y/n” he smiles ever so sweetly before your eyes.

Noticing his beautiful rose scar, and gently stroking it with your thumb. “I love you too, Lee Taeyong.”

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct taeyong #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst #taeyong smut #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #fantasy au

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strangedreamings · 4 years

Note

Avoiding the mistletoe at all costs, however, everyone is trying their best to get us there. - Granada!Sherlock and Helen or Violet

Thanks! I went with Helen.

Under The Mistletoe (AO3)

Sherlock brooded by the roaring fire in the fireplace, as was his wont. It was Christmas Eve and his Baker Street sitting room was full of people and had been for hours. Past clients, some of whom he would even concede to call friends, had been in and out of the place all afternoon and evening. Mrs. Hudson had outdone herself, cooking and baking a veritable feast. Wine and conversation flowed freely, though Sherlock partook of neither.

Watson and Mrs. Hudson know I detest social events yet they insisted on this. At least they promised it’ll be over before ten. I still have experiments to conduct. Truth be told, there is only one person here I would want to converse with, but alone.

The person in question was Miss Helen Stoner, a former client and an intriguing young woman. She had ended her engagement to Mr. Armitage three months before when the young man proved unfaithful, but as far as he knew, she currently had no suitors.

A pity, she would make a fine wife for any man. He grudgingly included himself in that. If I were the marrying kind, she would be just the woman for me, but of course I’m not, so it doesn’t matter. Still, his gaze was constantly drawn to her, though she was never closer than the other side of the room.

Unfortunately for him, his colleague noticed his attention and had made several attempts to get Sherlock to move near the door to the hallway, where a cluster of mistletoe had been hung with a red ribbon. At one point, the good doctor had even recruited Mrs. Hudson in his scheme. Sherlock, naturally, had seen through John’s highly unsubtle plans and had avoided that part of the room entirely. Consequentially, he hadn’t spoken to Miss Stoner all evening and was starting to regret his actions.

Thankfully, Miss Stoner took it upon herself to approach him, smiling sympathetically. “Good evening, Mr. Holmes.”

Sherlock straightened and smiled at her. “Good evening, Miss Stoner. Are you enjoying the party?”

“More than you, it would seem.”

He chuckled. “Yes, merry-making is not part of my nature. I’ve tried to explain that to Dr. Watson and Mrs. Hudson, but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears.”

Miss Stoner smiled a bit, amused. “I’ve tried to explain to both of them that I’m not interested in being kissed under the mistletoe by a stranger but they keep insisting that I stand under it.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Allow me to apologize for their behavior, guests should not be harassed like that.” Now that she was within reach, he had an overwhelming urge to kiss her, but he couldn’t deduce what affect such an action would have on her. Well, they do say, “Fortune favors the brave.” He cleared his throat. “Miss Stoner-”

“Yes?” she asked, her eyes dancing.

Sherlock was utterly enchanted. “Er … what if someone not a stranger wanted to kiss you under the mistletoe, would you be interested then?”

“That would depend on the someone.”

He looked over at where the mistletoe hung and wondered if he could escort her there without the entire room knowing his intent. Thankfully, Miss Stoner had a better idea. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny sprig of mistletoe, just a stem with two thin green leaves and two white berries.

She smiled at him softly. “I have some here if someone would like to try.”

Sherlock smiled back, one hand outstretched. She carefully laid the sprig in his palm. With his other hand, he took it and held it up before murmuring, “Happy Christmas, Miss Stoner.”

“And a most wonderful New Year to you, Mr. Holmes,” she murmured just before he kissed her softly, much to the delight of all in attendance.

#granada holmes #sherlock x helen #sherlock holmes #helen stoner #christmas #mousedetective

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something-tofightfor · 5 years

Note

13, 22, 24!

13. Have any of your IRL friends or family read your fan fiction before?

Absolutely not. If I ever found out that any of my IRL friends knew of this tumblr, I’d delete it immediately and change my name. With the exception of Just A Place, because I think that stands alone even if you weren’t familiar with the source material.

22. What kind of eater are you? For example, are you picky about your food touching? Do you have to eat your fries before you eat your burger?

I am the least picky eater you will EVER meet. Usually, when/if I won’t eat something, it’s because of texture and not taste. For example - I refuse to eat water chestnuts because of the way they feel and sound when I chew them.

There are only a few things that I WONT try - escargot, I won’t try liver, I don’t like fish that tastes too ‘fishy’... I don’t think I’d eat tripe or blood sausage... but if one of those things is IN something and I don’t know it until after? I’d try it.

I don’t give a shit if my food touches - wait til you see my thanksgiving plate. Literally pile everything atop everything else.. it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes I’ll eat all of something before I start on something else; for example, we have a place by my house called Swenson’s, and I get an order of fried mushrooms with my burger every time... I always eat the mushrooms first, because they get cold otherwise, it just kinda depends.

24. What are your thoughts on Christmas? Do you enjoy it? Loath it? What do you think you’ll be doing this year?

I love Christmas, even though the last few years have been really hard after losing my dad. We always used to decorate the inside of his house with a ton of lights and decorations - garlands and multiple trees and snowmen and bells - our main tree was 14 feet tall and had 3500 lights on it, hand strung by yours truly. My sister and I would each get a day with him to shop - I’d go with him to shop for my sister and stepmom and brother, and she’d go to shop for me, and we’d always get lunch and coffee and it’s one of my favorite memories with my dad. (The last year we went was 2014, and that year, we made the mistake of getting starbucks from the mall, my dad tasted his and immediately pulled mine from my hand and threw both of them in the trash)

Shopping now feels a little lonelier, but Sammi and I always go every year and recreate it.

Ummmm. We used to have a yearly holiday party at my dad’s, like the first or second week of December and all of the food would be homemade - pierogi, stuffed cabbage, jello and pudding shots, green bean casserole, rigatoni with homemade sauce, white chicken chili.... the house was PACKED. We actually had a party in 2014 too, and I feel like my dad got to enjoy one last time in the house with all of his friends and family there to celebrate.

I haven’t missed spending a Christmas Eve on the couch at his house since I was 16 - we take all of our presents over there the afternoon of, put them under the tree, and then go to my stepmom’s parents’ house for their celebration, and then we make it back to my dad’s house after midnight ... and then I wake up super early on Christmas morning, make coffee, and enjoy the tree before anyone else wakes up.

There’s a certain feeling that people get around Christmas, and I just love the atmosphere and the soft lighting from the tiny little lights and the way the ornaments sparkle (I have a 7.5 foot tree at my house and there are still 1200 lights + 200 ornaments on it) ... it makes me happy, even though there are a lot of bittersweet memories associated with it.

#ask something-tofightfor #thanks for the ask!!#thesumofmychoices #weird asks #i really do love christmas

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harrystylesgoldencreature · 5 years

Text

Don’t Let Me Go- Part Three

*****Short but sweet!! I hope you enjoy and pleaseee send me more requests!!!*****

Harry's pov

*One week later..

It had been a week since that dreaded night in the forest. Y/n had gone silent. He had no idea where she was or who she was with. It was breaking his heart. He had spent countless hours thinking about what she had said.

Part of him knew that he had been harboring the same feelings for her as well. He never thought that he deserved a girl like her so he never made a move. But now, he felt like he had lost his chance all together.

Truth be told, he had not come to terms with his feelings for his life time best-friend until he had heard that she was seeing Niall. When that news came, something inside him shifted. He felt jealous and overly protective. He also felt a little taken aback that his two friends would start seeing each other.

With y/n not answering his calls or texts, he knew that he had to go find her. He wanted to talk to her, to tell her the truth. It was all he could think about. Breaking things off with Addison, he booked a flight to London.

Upon arriving at Gemma's, he had expected y/n to be there. To his dismay, she was not. He spent countless hours trying to persuade his beloved sister to tell him where she was. She was relentless in her will to keep the location a secret. Giving up, he finally just left and went looking anywhere and everywhere.

Glancing at instagram pictures, he figured out what club they were in. Making his way there, he was quickly granted access. Looking around, he spotted the couple.

Y/n looked absolutely stunning, in a tight dress. It fit her curves perfectly, and Harry admired her from afar. He watched as her head fell back in laughter and couldn't help but smile. She was truly beautiful.

It was like he was seeing her for the very first time. Suddenly everything in the world made sense. It was like a light had clicked on in his mind. All the time they had spent together had suddenly come back to him. The countless memories and numerous laughs they shared, all seemed to come flooding back.

He knew in that moment that he loved her. He loved her as much more than just a friend. He knew that he would do anything for her.

The night had not gone anything like he had planned. He had wanted to get her alone and confess his feelings to her, in the hopes that she had felt them to. Then when his sister told him that the beautiful y/n had been in love with him all along, he felt relieved. He felt alive again.

The night in the woods had been one of the hardest moments of his entire life. It broke him to hear how much pain he had put her through all these years. He felt crushed for having caused her so much torment. If he had not been so at a loss for words that night, maybe she wouldn't have left. Maybe, just maybe, she would be here laying in his arms.

He sat by the window sill and watched the rain fall down. The sky was dark and his heart was broken. He knew that he had to find a way to bring her back to him. He just didn't know how. If only he knew that she was miles away staring at the same raining sky wishing for the same exact thing.

…..............

A few days later it was Christmas eve. You were suppose to be going to the Styles house to their annual Christmas party. Your heart was on the fence. This last week and a half had been a complete nightmare. It was pure torture to think about Harry, and if you went to the party you knew you would see him again.

You knew things between the two of you were no different, but part of you had hoped for a Christmas miracle.

Your phone went off for the millionth time. Since leaving, both Harry and Gemma had been trying to get a hold of you nonstop. For a while, you had turned your phone off completely. Sighing you took a look at the screen. Gemma's name appeared, along with a picture the two of you had taken at last years gathering.

Taking a deep breath, you clicked accept. “Hi,” you said into the phone.

“Y/n!!!! Finally!!” She yelled with relief. “What the hell?! I thought you were dead! I know your going through hell, but don't you dare do that to me again! You scared me to death.”

Signing, you calmed her down. “Gemma, I'm sorry. I just needed a breather. After what happened, I needed time to clear my head. I knew if we had spoken, you would convince me to come back and talk to him.”

“I know,” she sighed. “How are you my dear?”

“I would be lying, if I said I were fine.”

“I'm sorry, love. I wish I could make it better.” There was silence for a brief moment. “Please tell me your coming tonight!”

“Gemma.. I don't think so. I don't think I'm ready to face him, after what happened. It's gonna be too hard.”

“Y/n, please say you'll come! It's tradition, and it wont be the same without you there. If it helps, I wont leave your side for one second. I'll be your personal buffer.”

“I don't know..”

“Please. At least tell me you'll think about it.”

“I'll think about it.”

“I do hope you'll make the right decision. I hate seeing you both like this. You know I love you both more than anything, but you're both are torturing yourselves for no reason.”

Taking in her words, you said your goodbyes. Gemma meant the world to you, and you hated to disappoint her.

In the end, you decided that you would stop by for a brief moment. You would say your hellos to the family, drop off your gifts and leave. You would fake an illness if you had to.

Getting dressed in silence, you opted for a simple red dress that sparkled with every move you made. Adding black stockings so you wouldn't freeze, you paired it with black heels. Adding the finishing touches on your make-up, you curled your hair. Sighing, you took one final look at your appearance. Grabbing your keys, you headed for the door.

'Well here goes nothing,' you sighed into the darken night.

The drive to Anne's didn't take very long. It was a very familiar path, that you knew all to well. Pulling into the driveway, you took inventory of the other cars. Looking at them closely, you sighed in relief. Harry had yet to make his arrival. You were praying that you could make your appearance and leave, before he got there.

Quickly making your way up the drive, you knocked on the door. Gemma opened, within seconds and smiled brightly.

“Y/n!! I'm so glad you came! Come in, come in.” She wrapped her arms around you tightly. “Don't worry, I got you.”

“Thank you,” you told her warmly.

You said a quick hello to everyone, as you made your way through the house. Stopping in the kitchen when you ran into Anne.

“Y/n! My dear you look stunning!”

Thanking her you gave her a hug. “Can I help with anything?” You asked, hoping to keep busy.

“No, no I have this. You go and enjoy yourself!”

Hiding your disappointment, you headed towards the back of the house. You had some how lost Gemma already. Rounding a corner, you bumped into a broad shoulder. He caught you from falling, instantly.

“I'm sorry,” you mumbled not looking up.

You were met with silence. The strangers arms were still securely on yours. Looking up, you were met with tired emerald eyes.

“Y/n,” he breathed out.

You were momentary speechless, as you looked at his exhausted appearance. Stepping back, you gave him a sad smile. “Hi,” you said finally.

“Can we talk?” He asked, hopefully.

“Harry, dear! There you are! Could you give me a hand in the kitchen?!” Anne called from behind you.

Not taking his eyes from yours, he sighed. “Coming mum!” He told her. “Later?”

“Sure,” you said simply.

Stepping away from you hesitantly, he made his way to the kitchen. You sagged with relief. Headed towards the back, you made your way outside. The back had been breathtaking. It was step up with a million twinkle lights that looked like stars. It was empty, so you had the place to yourself. Making your way to the swing, you took a seat and stared out into the night.

You sat in complete silence for what seemed to be en eternity. Feeling your phone buzz, you noticed a text from Gemma. Wondering where you were, you sent her a brief message letting her know you were okay. You knew that you would have to head back in, but you wanted a few more minutes to yourself.

Putting your head in your hands, you let out a deep breath. You had been trying to keep your emotions in check all night, but they were fighting to be released. Letting out a single tear, you forced your head up.

Pausing, you were met once again with Harry's curious gaze. He was watching you from afar. You remained silent, to tired to be the first to speak. Hesitantly, he made his way to you. He stopped, just in front of you. Silently, he raised his hand and wiped away your tears.

“Can we talk now?”

To tired to argue, you simply nodded your head.

“I've had a lot of time to think, and I would really like to tell you the truth.” He paused taking in a deep breath. “I'm really bad at this, so I've written you something.” Walking away, he produced a guitar from the bushes. Walking back to you slowly, he took a seat in front of you.

“I wrote this for you, this past week. I really hope you like it.” Closing his eyes, he started to play. The melody was so extremely sweet, that it instantly brought tears to your eyes.

“Sweet creature Had another talk about where it's going wrong But we're still young We don't know where we're going But we know where we belong

And oh we started Two hearts in one home It's hard when we argue We're both stubborn I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature Wherever I go, you bring me home Sweet creature, sweet creature When I run out of road, you bring me home

Sweet creature We're running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough

And oh we started Two hearts in one home I know, it's hard when we argue We're both stubborn I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature Wherever I go, you bring me home Sweet creature, sweet creature When I run out of road, you bring me home

I know when we started Just two hearts in one home It gets harder when we argue We're both stubborn I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature Wherever I go, you bring me home Sweet creature, sweet creature When I run out of road, you bring me home You'll bring me home”

He waited until he was completely done, until he opened his eyes once more. The last note hung in the air. Looking at you, he noticed the tears falling from your eyes, as you stared at him in complete awe.

“Y/n.. It's taken me way to long to come to terms with how I feel about you. Truth be told I'm utterly and helplessly in love with you, and I have been for God only knows how long. I guess I never realized it because I never believed that you could feel the same for me. I never thought I deserved someone like you. You have been the best thing in my life for as long as I can remember, and I just couldn't bare the thought of losing you.” Taking his hand in yours, he looked deep within your teary eyes. “This past week and a half have been a complete nightmare without you. I need you in my life, and I need you by my side always. I love you with every inch of my being, and I pray that I'm not too late.”

The silence lingered between the two of you, as you took in his words. His confession was both heart-warming and unexpected. It took you a moment to come to terms with it. Your heart was bursting with joy, but you couldn't seem to form a coherent thought.

Harry stared at you, waiting for you to speak. He looked both vulnerable and breathtakingly handsome. “Please, say something” He urged.

Smiling at him warmly, you leaned forward. Placing your lips to his, you kissed him passionately. Laughing you pulled back. “Well it took you long enough.”

He chuckled. “I'm sorry love.” He breathed, as he pulled you in tightly kissing you once more.

#i love you harry #sad harry #Harry Styles #harry styles fandom #harry styles fanfic #fantasy #fandom #fanfic #fanfic writing #hes perfect #dont let me go

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horansqueen · 6 years

Text

BabyGirl 2.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ thank you so so much for all the notes and feedback for chapter 1! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! i hope you enjoy this chapter! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate. ♥ read part 1 HERE

2.0 ♥ DEALS & FEELS ♥

(almost 5 years later)

HIM

I've dated girls, i've had sex with girls, too, but in the end, I never really fell in love. Love is a weird concept I have a hard time to grasp. Wanting to spend the rest of your life with the same person, living with them, always having them in your personal space... It didn't seem to be for me. I never had to share a house with anyone, and if I spent too long with people it actually bothered me. I needed my alone time, I needed space and time to relax and think, and there was no reason for me to give this up. At least, not now, and not soon. In fact, maybe I never would.

Did I still think about her? Yea, from time to time, but it seemed to have happened in an other life, and the only feeling inhabiting me was one of regret. I regretted the way I treated her, and the way we broke up. After all these years, I had to admit that my outburst was ridiculous. I was younger, stupid, and slightly more selfish. There was no excuse for the way our story ended and even if some people told me the blame was shared, I was ready to take all of it.

It was over and there was clearly not much else to add to this sad love story. I didn't know where she was, or how she was doing, but I like to believe if she needed me, Louis would tell me, since we were still extremely close. But we never talked about her. I knew he was still seeing her from time to time, even more often now that the band went on hiatus, but i never asked anything and he never shared anything either. We seemed to have this unspoken agreement to never discuss her and Iit was definitely better this way.

My solo career was going well, and on the rare occasion I could see my old bandmates, it was just like it used to be between us, especially when it came to Louis.

"Neil! Where the fuck did you put that damn watch!"

I chuckled, shaking my head as I opened the fridge to grab a beer. I threw the cap in the bin and leaned against the counter just as Louis rushed in the room, making me smirk more. His hair was a mess and watching him running everywhere to be ready on time was entertaining.

"Seriously, I can't believe I'm spending Christmas Eve without my girlfriend!" he mumbled under his breath, making me roll my eyes.

"Oh please, you two can spend ONE night apart, can't you?" I argued with a shrug. "Or is it some superhero thing where you both will start getting weaker and eventually die?"

Louis stopped dead in his track and turned to show me an annoyed face that made me laugh again. His eyes became smaller and he pinched his lips. I knew he was half-joking and I played along.

"Some of us actually care about love, you know?" he expressed, turning around again to open my pantry. "And when I say 'some of us' I mean like, 90% of the world population."

I grimaced and took an other sip of my beer, putting it back on the counter.

"I'm fine being a part of the smart 10%." I admitted. "And I'm pretty sure you're not gonna find my watch there. Why don't you try the fridge instead?"

He closed the pantry a bit too roughly for me and turned to face me again. I loved Louis, I knew he was not holding back, not with me not with anyone.

"Yea I know, you're an eternal bachelor. When I first met El-"

I pushed myself from the counter to get back on my feet and cut him before he could add anything.

"When you met El you fell completely in love with her. You loved her through thick and thin, whether you two were together or separated. She's the love of your life, and you don't see yourself with anyone else but her. I know."

He stared at me and blinked a few times before nodding.

"Yes, and one day, you'll find yours, too." he said, making me scoff, as he walked past me.

"I've never loved anyone, and i'm not gonna start any time soon." I replied, turning to him.

He stopped walking completely, making me frown, and finally turned on his heels. His eyes stuck into mine, he waited a few seconds and finally shook his head.

"You never loved anyone?"

I frowned and shrugged, glancing away and putting my hands in my pockets.

"Nop, never."

I was lying through my teeth and just repeating it made my heart jump in my chest. I knew it and Louis knew it too. His gaze was burning me and I finally closed my eyes with a sigh. I didn't want to talk about it and I hoped he would let it go. He normally does, we don't discuss about that time of my life. Louis was my best mate, he could sense it, I knew it. He finally turned around and walked back to my room, yelling as he reached the hall.

"That's a lie, Neil! And we both know it!"

I was happy he was not in the same room anymore. I breathed in deeply, my eyes still closed, and tried to get all these thoughts out of my head. The first time I saw her, the first time I kissed her, the first time I touched her... and then, all these last times too. Falling in love was like trying to swim in quicksand: totally useless and scary. There was no way to get out of it, no way it would end well, no way not to hurt. Love was complicated and hard. I didn't want a complicated life. I wanted things to be easy, and fun. I wanted to lay down on my couch at the end of the day and be content. I didn't want to owe anything to anyone and the obligations I already had were enough. To be responsible for someone's happiness was something I didn't want to take or risk. There was too much at stake, too many mistakes to make, too many hearts to break.

The more I thought about it, the more I tried to convince that I did the right thing, and that this relationship was inevitably going to end anyway, no matter how hard we would have worked on it.

I was completely stuck in my thoughts when Louis reappeared. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times before noticing he was putting my watch on. In his other hand, though, something was hanging on what appeared to be a necklace. A heart. I recognized it immediately and suddenly felt extremely nauseous. Why didn't I get rid of this again?

"Mate, I found this." he chuckled, moving his arm up and making the silver of the heart shine with the artificial light of the kitchen. "That's not your type of jewels, where is this from?"

I stared at it a few seconds and walked the few steps separating us very quickly, snatching it from his hands. The metal felt cold in my hand but at the same time, it was burning my skin in a way I couldn't explain.

"It's nothing, just something a girl I brought here forgot." I walked to the counter and opened one of the doors to throw it in the bin. "I'll never see her again anyway."

"You never bring girls here..." he started, realizing what I was doing. "Hey wait, it seemed quite expensive."

Of course it was expensive, I would never buy something cheap for her. I turned around and shrugged, reaching for my beer and trying to act like it didn't matter.

"What do you want me to do? Sell it?" I let out with sarcasm, chugging half of what was left in the bottle.

"Give it back, maybe?"

He rolled his eyes and walked up to me, opening the door to search the bin. I stopped him, closing the door again without saying a word. He looked up at me, clearly getting pissed at my behavior, but i didn't flinch. I didn't have to talk, the expression plastered on my face said it all. Louis sighed and backed away.

"Whatever, we need to go or we'll be late."

I followed him to the door and grabbed my coat, quickly putting it on before searching for a beanie that would fit.

"Is your son with your sister?" I asked casually, putting the beanie on and making sure it hid my ears. "I haven't seen him in so long."

"Yea, we'll just pick him up on our way."

As soon as we walked out, Louis rubbed his hands together and blew on them to get them warm and I closed the door behind us, locking it quickly. I followed him to his car and sat on the passenger's side, glancing back to see the cute baby car seat. It made me smile and I turned my attention back on the road. I was not a fan of Louis' driving, I thought he drove way too slow, but since it was his car, I tried not to comment on it.

"Thanks so much for coming with me Niall." he let out after a few minutes of silence. "I know it's mostly a christmas party for kids, and that it's not really your cup of tea, but I appreciate it."

I patted his thigh gently and shook my head, glancing by the window.

"Don't thank me, you're very welcome. I'm sure it's gonna be fun with a couple drinks."

"It won't last too long too, ya know we can go back to my place after and drink a few beers." he proposed with a shrug. "I know you're going home only tomorrow."

"Alright, deal, but not too late, I gotta fly early tomorrow."

HER

Whenever I looked at my daughter, she reminded me of Niall. At first, it was almost torture but now, after over 4 years, I was used to it. She caught some of my facial expressions, and she talked a bit like me, too, but when she smiled, I saw Niall, when she laughed, I heard Niall, and when she looked at me with her tired eyes late at night, I could see Niall. Every single time, my heart would jump in my chest before melting immediately. I loved my daughter more than anything in the world and the truth was, I had never really been over Niall.

There are people you know you'll feel connected to all your life. Those two, Niall and my daughter, were on the top of my list. I felt something for them I knew i'd probably never feel for anyone else, and even if I knew it would be better for my sanity to forget about Niall, I couldn't. I had tried, I had made huge effort, I even saw a therapist, but deep down, I knew he was the love of my life, even if I'd never be the love of his.

I sat on my daughter's bed and pulled her closer, sending her a small smile.

"Come on, arms up!"

She stared at me and did as I asked, raising her chin up at the same time. It made me smile and I put her dress on, pulling on it at the bottom gently.

"Alright, turn around."

She moved quickly and gracefully enough for a child, her hair flying around her head, along with the skirt of her dress, making me chuckle.

"I love that dress!"

I tied it on her back and licked my lips as she turned around again to face me.

"I knew you would, that's why I bought it."

Her eyes softened and she let herself fall in my arms. I brought her closer to me, holding her against me and hugging her tight. It was always so surprising to me that she'd be so grateful for things like that. Kids tend not to be that happy about little attentions and it's totally normal, but my daughter was different.

"Mommy?"

I smiled and raised my eyebrows, knowing she had clearly something to ask me. It was in the tone of her voice, and the way she glanced down quickly before looking back deeply in my eyes. Every single time, it made my heart jump. It was definitely just a coincidence, but Niall did the exact same time and somehow, I think both of them were aware I couldn't refuse them anything, or almost.

"It's Christmas and you always let me unwrap a gift every year."

I laughed again and shook my head, twisting her gently and grabbing a brush, bringing it to her hair. She didn't complain, but I knew her eyes were shut tight, as if it would stop the painful feeling of the knots in her hair.

"First off, it's Christmas' Eve, sweetheart." I pointed out, trying to be as gentle as I can. "And second off, you're gonna get a bunch of gifts tonight, which makes me believe you can wait tomorrow to open your gifts."

She didn't wait until I was done and made a volte-face, surprising me slightly but mostly amusing me. She tilted her head and sent me puppy eyes but I shook my head again with a chuckle.

"How about daddy's gift?"

That word always made my heart jump in chest and I swallowed the pain it brought me to send her an other fond smile. It was true. Every year, I tried to give her a gift from Niall. He didn't know of her existence, and she didn't know who he was, but I had a bunch of stuff that belonged to him or reminded me of him, and I thought it was more important for my daughter than it was for me.

Last year, it was an old t-shirt he left at my place and the year before, it was a guitar pic I pierced to put on a bracelet. I knew she desperately wanted to know her dad if only for the fact that her dad's gifts were always her favorites, no matter what i'd buy her. She was wearing the shirt every night to sleep and I had to literally wash it during the day because she wouldn't fall asleep without wearing it. As for the bracelet, she wouldn't even take it off to take a bath.

I looked at her and saw how bad she wanted it. I would even say she needed it.

"Alright, wait for me here."

Her expression turned into an excited one and I quickly walked to my room, grabbing a small box and getting back to her. This time, I sat on the floor and she got on her knees, sitting on her legs. Her dress was spread around her and all I could think about is that she seriously looked like a princess. Or at least, she would when I'd do something with her messy hair.

She stared at the little box in my hand, her eyes so large that her impatience was almost palpable. She didn't say anything though, she waited and waited until I handed her the box. It's not that it bothered me to give it to her, but this jewel meant more to me than I wanted to admit, and although I knew it was just an object, letting it go, even to my own daughter, felt like a sacrifice.

She didn't even take time to try to guess, she simply opened the box and her lips curled into a large smile. She stared at the silver key with a very small purple gem and my heart twisted in my chest again. This brought back so many memories I felt myself tear up but swallowed my pain and sent her a smile.

"You like it?"

She didn't look at me at all, she kept staring at the necklace, fascinated but after a while, I cleared my throat and licked my lips.

"Okay my love, it's time to go or we're gonna be late."

"Can I wear it tonight?"

I held my breath, knowing very well that she expected a positive answer, but if I wanted to be honest with myself, I was so scared she was going to lose it that it made me want to throw up. Perhaps she was still too young for that necklace, but now it was too late.

"Mm, alright, but you need to keep it under your dress at all times, deal?"

I raised my eyebrows, looking at her and raised my hand up in a fist, sticking only my little finger up. A large smile appeared on her lips, showing her cute slightly crooked teeth, and she finally did the same, intertwining her pinky with mine.

"Deal!"

I grabbed the necklace and put it around her neck, sighing as I watched it hang loosely on her chest. She grabbed it with her tiny fingers and put it under her dress quickly before shaking her head, making an even bigger mess of her hair.

"Hey! Come here you little minx!"

She started laughing and my heart melted as I grabbed her and threw her softly on the bed to tickle her. She laughed harder, her legs moving and kicking me, making me laugh too. It lasted a few minutes before we stopped and I tilted my head as she sighed exaggeratedly.

"Okay, your hair now."

I started brushing it and we kept silent, probably both lost in our thoughts, but when she started talking, I knew we hadn't been thinking about the same thing.

"Is uncle Louis gonna be there?"

"Mmhm, yes, he said he would. He's bringing Freddie." I added, trying her hair unto a braid.

I turned her around again and grimaced when i noticed a lock of her hair was falling. It was too short to stick in the braid and even if I was sort of used to it, it annoyed me and I quickly pushed it behind her ear.

"You are the prettiest little girl in the world, you know that, right?"

She sent me a smile and nodded. "Yes, I know!"

"Good."

I walked to my room and she followed me, as usual. We always got her ready first, and then it was my turn.

"Will aunt Eleanor be there too?"

I looked through my closet found a pair of pants that were not jeans, throwing them on the bed.

"No, she already had plans tonight." I replied, trying to find a shirt that would fit and getting slightly annoyed.

"I wanted to show her my dress! I wanted her to see it! She said I could model you know!"

I laughed and glanced at her, noticing her disappointed face.

"You know what? Maybe we can take a picture and send it to her, how's that?"

I watched her quickly nod and did the same, walking back to my bed with a shirt of the same color shade as the pants. I hated getting dressed and I had no idea what was the point. If I could go in sweatpants, I definitely would.

"Noooo no no!"

Without giving me time to react, my daughter walked up to my bed, grabbed the outfit I had picked and tried as best as she could to put it back in my closet, without much success. It ended up in a pool on the floor but I decided to ignore it.

"It's Christmas!" she pointed out, her eyebrows raised as high as possible. "You're putting on a dress."

Her words were firm and her statement final, so I decided not to argue even if being uncomfortable in a dress for the whole evening seemed to be the worst idea I had heard today. We spent too long finding a dress in my closet since I was not even sure I actually owned one but when we were both ready, I got down on my knees to put her some baby pink lipstick with glitters.

"You look perfect." I pointed out.

"You too mommy, your make up in on point."

Her comment made me laugh and I bopped her nose gently.

"Yours too."

The ride was quick enough and we blasted our favorite spotify list on the way, singing loud together as I glanced at her a few times in the rear view mirror. We had out habits and I knew how close we were. We had people we loved and that loved us, but at the end of the day, it was just me and her, and I liked it that way. I wish someone would have told me five years ago how happy i would be with a daughter, but when I thought of the time I was pregnant, all I could really remember was crying myself to sleep every night and feeling extremely lonely. When I gave birth, however, it was a new beginning, and that new life was everything I wanted, everything I could have wished for.

I parked where I could and we walked inside together. I didn't even try to find Louis. knowing he would send me a text when he'd be there and I made my way to get myself a glass of wine, holding my daughter's hand firmly.

"There's chocolate milk, you want one?" I asked over the Christmas music playing.

She nodded quickly and I opened one for her, slipping a straw in it and handing it to her. I poured myself a glass of red wine and suddenly felt something pulling on my dress.

"Mom! The tree! The tree and the gifts!" she yelled looking up, showing me her perfect chocolate mustache. "Can I go!"

I sent her a smile and nodded.

"But stay where I can see you!"

"Promise!"

She ran away and I walked closer to the tree to check on her, staying up but leaning against a wall. A voice made me smile and when I looked up, I noticed Louis walking in, his son in his arms. I waved and he saw me, sending me a big smile and pointing me to Freddie before grabbing his small arm and shaking it to make him wave at me too. I laughed and they walked in my direction, my smile growing with every step they took.

"It's so nice to see you, Lou." I let out, kissing his cheeks.

"You too, where's the little princess?"

I pointed out next to the tree and Louis smiled again as we both stared at my daughter. She had already made friends and it made me chuckle.

"Look, I don't have time to explain, but please, love, forgive me."

I frowned and turned to look into his eyes, noticing guilt written all over his face.

"What for?"

He sighed and glanced back. When his face turned back in my direction, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Just, I hope you forgive me one day."

I opened my lips to ask for more details but I didn't have to. I saw him, and my lips remained parted. He looked good and my heart jumped in my chest. It's been five years, five long years without him, and I thought I was almost healed. But here he was, his charming smile and his light and powerful eyes, and I was in it again. Totally ill. I held my breath as he turned around and when he noticed me, we stared at each other, both speechless and surprised by something we would never have expected : each other.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan writing #niall horan story #niall #niall fluff #niall writing #niall story #my fanfics

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sophieakatz · 6 years

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Thursday Thoughts: I Never Enjoyed Christmas, Until...

I’m twenty-three years old, and last year – when I was twenty-two – was the first holiday season in my entire life in which I actually enjoyed Christmas.

I spent the months of November to January working in Custodial at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, for my second Disney College Program. This Jewish girl was constantly surrounded by Christmas lights, Santa hats, and the sounds of carols in the air. I worked in the park on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, among the busiest days of the year for any Disney park.

And for the first time in my life, I found myself enjoying Christmas.

Because, for the first time, no one was trying to convert me.

Christmas at Disney World – in Hollywood Studios at least – is one-hundred-percent secular aesthetic. It’s all pretty lights and fake snow, songs about winter and love, and goofy elves and deer.

No one cared that I was working on Christmas. No one was giving me a hard time for not being with my family. No one was asking me what church I went to or what I was planning for Christmas dinner. No one was telling me that if I didn’t believe in Santa Claus then there would be monsters under my bed forever (true story). Santa was just one of the many characters whose story I supported in the park, like Mickey and Goofy and Olaf, and no one was telling me that I was wrong for not having any deeper spiritual connection to any of this.

And so, for the first time, I was able to have fun with it. I was able to enjoy the songs, because no one was forcing me to sing them with the class. I was able to enjoy the lights, because no one was telling me that I had to put them up or else I was being un-American. I enjoyed this Christian holiday, because no one was telling me that it had to be mine.

That’s the real problem with Christmas. The holiday itself is fine. The problem is the pervasive assumption that everyone celebrates Christmas, and that if you don’t, then there’s something wrong with you.

The new DuckTales cartoon had a Christmas episode a couple weeks ago, which I really should have enjoyed. It was a fun, creative take on the ghosts of Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, with an additional twist on the Wendigo legend and a glimpse at the past of the characters I’ve grown to love so much.

But the overall message of this episode – harped on quite heavily, as children’s TV is wont to do – was that no one should ever be alone on Christmas, and if you do choose to be alone on Christmas, for any reason, then you’re wrong and you owe your family an apology.

I didn’t expect DuckTales of all things to throw the same kind of Christonormative rhetoric that my elementary-through-high-school peers threw at me. And no, putting Launchpad in a Hanukkah sweater, and once again relegating the Jewish presence in media to “only appears at Christmas and as bumbling comic relief,” isn’t enough to cool my ire.

It’s kinda nice to know that there isn’t anything inherent to Christmas music and decorations that I hate. It’s the way Christmas is wielded – as a tool of conformity, as a way to wipe away the significance of my own culture, as a way to disguise antisemitism with bright lights and smiles. Nobody who ever told me that I must celebrate Christmas thought that they were causing me harm, and that’s the worst part of the whole thing.

And while I don’t plan on going to Epcot’s Candlelight Processional anytime soon – hearing a beloved celebrity and massive choir of my peers tell the Jesus story seems like it’d bring up more bad memories than anything else – I’m glad that I can enjoy some aspects of the holiday season here at Disney.

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naturepointstheway · 6 years

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“Christmas” (BatB14fics prompt)

Okay so I’m slowly but surely going through the BatB14fics, despite university demanding more of my time. Here’s another one, “Christmas”, from Mrs Potts’ POV, during the curse.

@tinydooms @sweetfayetanner @astudyinchocolate @lumiereswig @batbobsession @morgaine2005 @dand3l1on-fluff @prince-adams-japris

Christmas under the curse was never a wholly sad affair--Lumiere made right sure of that. He refused to allow any of us to be down in the dumps come Christmas Eve, leading the way in the singing and the dancing (the dancing was mostly him, for he still had his legs, unlike most the rest of us). Naturally, dear Chapeau would strike up his violin, the instrument that sung for him, for he never liked to sing himself, even despite Lumiere’s constant good-natured pestering him about it.

Each of us had our favourite Christmas tune--I favoured the bright, cheery carols that drew me back through the decades to my childhood, my memories swimming with snow, sleds, hands chafed and red from snowman building and snowball fights, and thick leather boots stomping through the crunchy snow, and tilting our faces up toward the sky to feel snowflakes brush over our cheeks and rest on our foreheads.

Chip, being the dear child he is, favoured them all, as children are wont to do. Well, perhaps not the slower, heavier, more sombre-toned carols so much. But he sung along with the best of us, though at times he asked why the prince--yes, he is a beast now, but he is still human, not an animal--does not join us for Christmas celebration if he loved us all so much once upon a time. (I still believe he cares about us, even if he refuses to admit or show it.)

Well, how to tell a child how complicated life is for us grown-ups who have weathered the storms and whirlwinds of life? That nothing is all black, but then nothing is all white? All I tell him is that Prince Adam has his own reasons not to join us for Christmas, and that he is happier alone on this merry day. Some people are just that way.

I don’t believe for a second Chip was fully convinced about that explanation, but he has not asked me again since, so I like to think he is satisfied enough for now. For now--Chip loves to ask questions, and I know that even if he never asks a question again about how the world works or why people do what they do, he will ask again one day.

Well, that was quite the tangent. Back to this Christmas Eve, which might be like any other, were it not for Belle in the castle. I hoped she might come down at least, for we have not shared a merry Christmas without a human for a long time--yes, of course, of course we’re human, but how human can you feel when you’re a teapot and you know you might always be one?

Oh dear. Let’s not think of such things. We still have time, I know it--surely Belle is the one to break the curse. She and Adam--I refuse to call him “the beast” or “a beast” because of all the things in the world he is, at least inside, he’s not that--they have been becoming such close friends, lost in their worlds of books, deep discussions, outside walks in the fresh wintry air, and it may have not been long, but there is that strong hint of a deep love--the true, deep kind of love--does not need months and years, no, it can be in weeks.

Tonight, this Christmas Eve, once again, as usual, all of us were clustered in the kitchen, pretending we were not dreaming of tasting chocolate puddings and roast ham and mince pies again, trying not to think of delightful presents resting at the foot of our beds come Christmas morning, and trying not to think about the curse for once. Lumiere and Plumette waltzed all around the kitchen, Cuisiner’s stove heated the kitchen until we might have been roasting like Christmas hams were we human, Chapeau’s soothing music embracing everyone like old friends, Cogsworth listened patiently in the corner to Chip’s babbling at him, and oh, how could any Christmas Eve be better?

Turns out, it could, for once.

When the hour had become late, after nine--Chip would usually be tucked in his little bed in the cupboard by now, but Christmas Eve is always an exception--I imagined--or perhaps not, after all--that I heard claws clacking on the wooden floor beyond one of the doors. I fancied--or had I, after all--I heard Belle’s voice urging him not to be silly, that really, the servants--meaning us--did love him, she could see it in the way we were around him, and the way we talked about him, in our voices, in the way we’d thanked her so deeply from our hearts when she’d brought him in from the cold, injured from wolves, healed his wounds--

The door creaked open, and all our attention flew to it--even Lumiere and Plumette stopped their dancing to rush over to see who was coming. All of us were already here, who could it be?

Who, it turned out, was Belle, peeking around the door, eyes alight in warmth and merriment, and seeing us all looking at her, stepped into the doorway. Plumette, Lumiere, and I all rushed over at once.

“Belle! How lovely of you to come down!”

“Miss! I was about to ask you to join us!”

“Thank you for coming to see us on Christmas Eve, what might Lumiere and I do for your dessert tonight?”

Belle grinned. “Our dessert.”

“But Belle--” protested Adam from somewhere behind her.

“Oh, really,” Belle looked over her shoulder, tugging insistently at who could only be Adam. “No need to be silly. They won’t bite you.” A cheeky pause. “I think.”

Belle walked inside, followed shortly by a much more hesitant Adam, who shuffled--more or less--into the kitchen, unsure and hesitant.

“Good--I mean good evening? Christmas eve evening.”

“Master!” Lumiere shouted from his place on the table, obviously overcome with jubilance, “Good of you to come down too! We’ve been waiting forever for you to join us again!”

A look of surprise from Adam, uncertain eyes drawn to Lumiere, but he could not hold back the smallest of smiles.

“You have?”

“Always,” I affirmed, rolling my tea tray up to him, “Now come in and sit down, and we’ll get you and Belle a comfortable Christmas Eve supper, shall we?”

“Yes!” Lumiere cried, almost skidding off the table in his excitement as he danced upon it, candles flaring brighter than I’d ever seen them do before, “Please! Stay! Eat! Dine! Drink! Rest! Relax! Laugh!”

“Lumiere, calm down for God’s sake!” Cogsworth chided from where he sat on a bench with Chip, but I could tell that he was just as happy as the rest of us were to see the prince come down for Christmas Eve for the first time since--

Well, the first time, really, since the poor boy’s mother had died, and his father had forbade him to join us for Christmases in the kitchen. And even after his father’s passing, he still had never come down to join us, and we’d eventually convinced ourselves he would never do so again, short of a miracle.

But miracles do happen, and seeing him among us again, sitting beside Belle, who laid a gentle hand on his paw, was, to me, the perfect definition of a “Christmas Miracle”.

#batb14fics #Beauty and the Beast #they can sing they can queue

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whisperingvictory · 6 years

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Sick/injured + holiday - starisi

Peter hadn’t been thrilled at the prospect of a Carisi family Christmas, and he was even less so when he found out that it was a destination celebration, a cabin they’d rented year after year upstate, close enough to a ski resort to walk, but still distant enough to feel secluded in pines sagging under the weight of the snow that just seemed to keep falling.

“Please baby?” Sonny had begged, quite convincingly, not that Peter would admit as such. “My family will love you. And I don’t want you to spend Christmas alone.”

Peter would have, if not for Sonny, but he’d never been big on Christmas anyway. And true, Sonny’s family had welcomed him with an overwhelming amount of hugs and cheek kisses from aunties and Sonny’s sisters had all batted their eyelashes in a way that made him immediately suspicious but only confirmed he was family enough for the teasing and harassment.

And really it seemed like maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea at all, until Sonny insisted on going skiing and Peter declined very thoroughly, choosing to brave some of the Carisi clan rather than hurtle down the side of a mountain at uncontrollable speeds. “Do you have any idea how dangerous skiing is, Sonny?”

Of course Sonny had just laughed and insisted that he’d been skiing since he could walk and if Peter didn’t want to even attempt the bunny hill, it was okay but he still wanted to get a few runs in at least. But Gina and Mia convinced him to go hang out in the ski lodge at least, the promise of a good view and an even better cup of Irish coffee.

They’d been talking casually, Mia explaining how she had gone back to college, almost finished up, and Peter was glad to hear she’d gotten her life back together even after everything, and out of the corner of his eye he watched the ski patrol crew spring into action just outside the windows, and he had no reason to, but he could feel a lump in his throat, that sinking pit in his stomach, and he threw on his jacket before any of the Carisis could ask questions.

“What is it?” Peter demanded from the EMTs that had stayed behind.

“Down skier over on the black diamond trail,” the EMT had shrugged, “wont know more until they get there.” But Peter already knew.

It was twenty minutes of agony later when the ski patrol pulled in to the lodge, an ambulance already waiting for them on the road out front, and Sonny, sitting up on the sled, his pant leg bloodied and wrapped, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat even against the harsh winter chill.

“Relax I’m fine,” Sonny insisted before Peter could even get a word out.

“Oh yeah I suppose they have ambulances waiting for all the people who are fine,” Peter bit back quickly, “you better be fine, or I swear to god I’ll kill you myself.” Peter trailed behind ski patrol as they ushered Sonny over to the ambulance, and the EMTs only took one look at the blanched expression on Peter’s face before letting him into the bus as well.

“It’s a broken leg,” Sonny waved, but the EMT interrupted him.

“It’s an open compound fracture, he’ll need it set and stitches at the very least.”

Sonny glared at her, “traitor. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

It was nearly twelve hours later when they returned to the cabin, Sonny’s leg cast up to mid thigh, wobbling on crutches in the snow. And Peter shook his head with frustration as he followed closely behind, worried that Sonny would slip and fall again. “I told you skiing was dangerous.”

“So is driving a car and you do that all the time,” Sonny replied as they pushed through the door into the dark cabin, the rest of the Carisis fast asleep.

“This whole trip was a bad idea. We should have just stayed in Manhattan, we could be alone right now, all curled up with some books in front of my fireplace, you’d have the use of both of your legs…” Peter trailed off sort of bitterly.

Sonny turned, sort of unsteady with only one good leg, “alone huh. That’s what this is attitude is all about?” A grin pulled at the corner of his lips. “You just wanna be able to fuck on Christmas?”

A blush rose, hot and red, on Peter’s cheeks. “No, I just don’t want you to spend Christmas Eve in the hospital with your femur sticking out of your skin,” Peter replied, a little too defensively. “Really Sonny, I’m just worried about you, it could have been a lot worse.”

Sonny sighed and dropped onto the couch in the living room, looking up at the ceiling, near two stories above. “I know, I’m sorry I worried you.”

Peter nodded slowly. “Do you need anything? They said I could give you the pain meds by now, something to drink?” Sonny could see the shift from anger to the doting worry that Peter had been going back and forth between all night.

Sonny just shook his head, shifting on the couch to make a bit more room, “just come here,” he patted the empty space. “It’s Christmas, we’ve got a couch and a fireplace, and books upstairs if you really want to read, and none of them,” he gestured vaguely, “will be awake until noon.”

Peter laughed lightly and crawled into the space next to Sonny, careful not to disturb his casted leg, but entwined enough not to fall off the couch. “You’re ridiculous, and you’re going to be the death of me,” Peter commented, pressing a feather light kiss to Sonny’s forehead.

“Yeah, but it’ll be a fun ride,” Sonny just smiled in response.

#Starisi #sonny carisi #peter stone #law and order svu

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crystalmaezing · 6 years

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My wavemate, My crush pt. 1

“It started on our first day of work”

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic ever since i had a crush back in my elementary days. Whenever i have a crush, i am always trying hard to let them know that i have a crush on them by looking at them always. I am swinging both ways, i tend to like boys and lesbians or bisexual girls (my mom do know that i had a crush on lesbians back then).

So going back to the present, I was hired in this company where my college friends are working, they told me to go there because i just resigned on my previous company which is a BPO as well. During our first day of work, i had my eyes on this someone which until now i still have a crush. She’s a lesbian.

At first i was actually a bit hesitant because it might be just a crush at first sight but the feelings went deeper than i expected. I was planning to forget about here until one day (December 16 to be exact), she actually pmed me on messenger saying that she wants to talk to me via call which is absurd. We never talked in person since i am awkward at her, just her in our wave.

At first, i actually told her that i don’t have any earphone working so i cant talk to her via call, just so you know, i hate talking on phone not using earphones, it sucks. But she keep on insisting that it’ll just take a few minutes. So i decided to allow her even if i don’t have earphones with me.

During the first topic of our call, she asked me where i was staying and such thing. The conversation goes like this (well not all is accurate though because that was like a few weeks ago)

Her: Where do you go home?

Me: *gives the train station that i always drop to*

Her: Where exactly is that, i didn’t know there is such station.

Me: *insists that it exist*

Her: Who are you with right now?

Me: My dad, my mom went to province.

Her: Tell your dad to drink medicine for cough (because she heard my dad coughing on the background)

And it goes on. She kept on asking me who is my crush and i replied to her jokingly “you”. At first she just laugh so i thought that i’ll just tell it to her jokingly even if it’s the truth.Sadly, someone arrives at home that i needed to hang up our call. Our call ended after 14 minutes. That Saturday, the day i decided to forget about her and decided to still have a crush on her right after our call. Even her laugh that night still lingers in my ears.

Monday came, I went to work and saw her. Just like the same old days, we didn’t talked to each other. It was weird because i thought she will talk to me because we sound so close to me that night. I awkwardly talked to her because she is quite close to one of my friend. She told me that she’s very drunk that night and she didn’t remember what we talked about.

That hit me like a lightning.

To me it was very meaningful but to her, it’s just a thing that she did while she’s drunk.

By the way, she have a crush at one of our wavemates, at first i thought it was me though, i’m such a hopeless romantic, i know. Because there are things that made me point at my fingers.

First, when i was busy writing the late on our wavemates. I heard her saying that her crush is busy, it turned out that i am busy and her real crush is busy talking to someone on phone. Another thing is when we’re on our way to the terminal, my friend asked her who her crush is and she said “I’m not gonna tell, she might be here”. Third one is i’m the only one she doesn’t talk much with. I know, i expected so much, i got disappointed big time.

Okay going back....Days passed by, we only talk on messenger like we’re really close but not talking personally in our office. We tend to have deep talks and such.

One time, i told her that my real crush is her because she kept on insisting. She keeps on commenting on my repost about my crush so i decided to tell her.

One time on December 18, we and some of my wavemates are having fun and then she suddenly called me and told me that someone is having a crush on me, i disregarded it.

Since i am used to us talking on messenger, i kept on waiting for her reply and decided to fake that i accidentally clicked the like button and she replied. We even talked about her family and mine. We have a lot of things that we talked about.

There was one time that she told me that she’s living alone and her mom lives at the province, i pitied her so i decided to cook something and bring more for her. I even jokingly told her that i’ll put some love potions on it and she said “Sure”. I gave her the food because she is eating with her crush. After that day, i bring more food so i can share with her. We ate together that day because her crush isn’t there.

I even saw her posting on myday a photo of her and her crush (now the girlfriend) and with a heart. Same with her girlfriend she posted one, it made me jealous one time big time.

December 23, i decided to get my hair done and i changed the color into red, i decided to do it to move on from her.

December 24, we have a morning shift so we wont have a hard time going home for Christmas even. I came inside our room with my earphones on, i am so awkward because i really told her that i have a crush on her. The sound of my earphone is really loud so i cant hear any of them inside the room, but i know she, her crush and her crush’ friend is there at the back of our room. When the song i am listening to ended, i heard her crush’ friend saying “There’s someone who have a crush on you in our wave right?” the moment i heard that, i knew that she told them that i have a crush on her, i felt betrayed.

I just let it flow. Ignoring her, she didn’t even talk to me that much. And i can see that she and her crush is already together because of their clingy-ness and sweetness on each other. It’s unofficial, i just expected it to be like that but i never heard it from anyone. It was actually sad for me but i kept on fighting it. There are times i am not even in the mood to eat.

December 24, Christmas eve, i was singing with my brothers and decided to post it on messenger, she just keep on seeing the videos and such but not talking to me. I chatted her to ask if she’s dating with her crush already but i’ve got no answer. 11 pm strikes and i decided to send her a long ass message. She just reacted an emoji with a heart and no response. She response to me in the morning saying she fell asleep already.

December 25th, i’ve got a greetings from her and nothing else. It getting more awkward already but i am still expecting that she will at least talk to me, but no.

During one of our chats, she asked me to have a drink with her and a friend, i said yes but when i sent her that long ass message, it got awkward. She doesn’t talk to me that much so i thought that maybe the invitation would be disregarded already.

Our salary day came, she asked me if i will still go but my friends already decided to eat on a buffet so i told her i cant go. It’s for my own anyway, i don’t wanna bond with her that much because i want my feelings to fade away.

December 29. She left on our gc, i was hella curious so decided to pm her. She told me that she fought and broke up with her girlfriend. I was more than happy but then, not really. She sounds so frustrated because her girlfriend did something that is really absurd. She even told me that they’re dating since December 22. I was in full shock because i even sent her a message during the 25th like whut.

She asked me to have a drink with her but it’s raining that time so i refused to go which is until now, i am sorry for myself. She even told me that she wont go to work anymore so i did everything to stop he from doing that. I told her that i’ll give a gift or i’ll perform during our year end party but she refused to accept. She got quite busy during the night and i even asked her if she’s free on the next day but she said nope.

On Sunday, i talked to her again and asked if it’s a final decision, i even told her jokingly that she wont be able to see me perform. She said that she’ll go to work because she wants to watch me, i am really happy because i feel special. But it turned out that they got back together, i am stupid right?

December 31, our year end party. When i came in, she’s still not there but her girlfriend is so i thought, maybe they’re still not getting back together. She arrives and keeps on saying to her friend “Where’s the gift you promised me?” which is actually for me because i promised her. I was with my friend when she asked me to have a photo with her. I was actually surprised because we never had a photo together yet. She took it, her hand is actually trembling which is funny so i told her i’ll take it for her, but I AM TREMBLING AS WELL.

She were in front of me when i told my friend to take a photo together but she went to us saying that she wants to join so i took a photo of the three of us. I was really happy that time but that ended real quick when her girlfriend performed and she said “I’m so embarrassed for you”. I was like “They got back together”.

It even gets sadder when we’re about to eat, they went to get the food together, eating beside each other and they even took a photo together. For short, they’re very sweet to one another.

Our party ended, i was frowning the whole time, each and everyone is greeting one another and hugging each other. She was in front of me and i jokingly told her “Happy new year” and i even leaned a bit but we’re on our way out so i just went out of the room. She called me and said “Okay let’s hug”. I was about to hugged her but we both leaned on the same direction which made us almost kissed. I was embarrassed big time, even some of our wavemates saw it as well as her girlfriend. But we still hugged of course. Both of us were actually speechless after that.

Why is it whenever i am deciding to forget about her, she’s doing something that will make me fall for her more?

#hopelessromantic hopeless romantic crush wavemate

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squirrel-moose-winchester · 7 years

Text

We’ll Be Home for Christmas

Title: We’ll Be Home for Christmas

Pairing: Dean x Reader (barely mentioned)

Word Count: 2062

Warning: Fluff, scene jumping

A/N: This is my submission to Kari (@thing-you-do-with-that-thing) and Ida’s (@like-a-bag-of-potatoes) 12 Days of Christmas Challenge. Prompt: December 23 – Driving Home for Christmas

Fair warning, there is a lot of scene jumping from the Impala to the bunker. It’s not too complicated to follow, but if it is, my apologies! I hope you guys enjoy it anyways, I know I enjoyed writing it! -E

12 Day of Christmas Masterlist

Disclaimer: Gif below is not mine.

“Dean, slow down!” Sam spat, hands firmly gripping any leverage he could.

“No, if I do we won’t make it back for Christmas! Do you know how pissed Y/N’s going to be?” Dean argued.

“Dean, I agree with Sam on this one. There are no seatbelts back here,” Castiel stated, glancing at Jack.

“You guys got the juice to heal yourselves, you’ll be fine,” Dean mumbled.

“But we wont!” Sam shouted as Dean took a sharp left turn. “Dude, there was a stop sign!” He shrieked.

Sam had texted you prior to their departure from the motel mentioning that they won’t be making it in time for Christmas eve, which you were fine with as long as they made it on Christmas day, and even if they didn’t, you understood. That was the life of a hunter. If you hadn’t sprained your ankle really bad during the last hunt, you could have been with them and missing Christmas wouldn’t be a problem because at least all of you would be together.

It had been three days without the guys and waiting for them to return dragged on more than you’d hoped. There was nothing to do, or at least nothing you wanted to do. The cookies were baked, presents were wrapped, and all the decorations had been done weeks ago. All that was needed was the rest of the family.

“Seriously Dean, slow down. If we get caught by a cop, it’ll take us twice as long to get back to the bunker!” Sam reasoned in frustration.

“Well, they’re gonna have to catch us first.”

“Dean, cop cars now days can run faster than the impala.”

Dean gasped, giving Sam a disgusted look. “How dare you!” Sam rolled his eyes. “Baby, don’t listen to him,” Dean spoke to the car.

“Dude! It’s just a car!” Sam stated, annoyance laced in his voice.

Dean gave Sam another disbelief glare before returning his attention back to the Impala, patting the dashboard. “He didn’t mean that either,” he cooed.

Sam shook his head, evident to everyone in the car, that he was aggravated by his older sibling.

Trotting around the bunker, you decided to have some fun. You turned on some Christmas tunes before running into Dean’s room to put on one of his red flannels. Now dressed to un-impress, you sauntered back into the library to the the holiday song ‘Mr. Grinch.’

You sang along merrily, spinning towards the kitchen to get some cookies and milk. Since the guys won’t be making it in time for Christmas eve tomorrow, you had a whole plate of freshly made cookies to yourself and sharing wasn’t an option at the moment since no one was around. You figured that you would have more than enough time to whip up a new batch or two in time for their arrival.

Being alone wasn’t so bad now that you thought about it. Giggling to yourself, you grabbed the entire tray and your large glass of milk back to the library where the music was loudest. A cookie in one hand and a glass of milk in the other, you danced away without a care in the world.

“Dean! That was like the tenth stop sign you passed and you almost hit a deer – twice!”

“Sammy, shut it! I told you, Y/N is gonna be sad if we’re not home.”

“I texted her and she said it was fine! Dean, I think I know Y/N well enough to know when she means something and doesn’t.”

Jack looked towards Castiel as Sam and Dean continued to argue. Jack was still learning earthly customs so he wasn’t entirely sure why this time of the month was so important. Sam and Dean had explained a little bit of it, but he still couldn’t fully comprehend it. None the less, he was excited to experience the holiday.

“If Y/N said she’d be fine; why would she be angry or sad?” Jack interrupted.

“This is Y/N favorite time of the month, of course she would be hurt if her family wasn’t there to celebrate it with her,” Dean explained, passing yet another stop sign.

“Dean!” Sam shouted, annoyed at his brother.

‘N sync’s ‘Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays’ song came on and you instantly got pumped. This was a throwback that brought so many great memories from before you dove into the hunting world. Back then you were always surrounded by friends and family, compared to now, most of the friends you’ve made were dead and the only family you had was the Winchesters, Cass and Jack. It was a small circle, but you were more than satisfied. They would literally give their lives for you, something you were sure your “normal” friends would never even consider. Being with the Winchesters felt like you had purpose. You were saving the world one monster at a time, and even though it goes unnoticed, it doesn’t really matter.

Your eyes landed on a picture of you, Dean, Sam, and Cass on a near by shelf. Reminiscing of the day that the picture was taken made your heart swell. You truly believed that you were one of the lucky ones. The life wasn’t easy but the company sure was amazing. Now a new picture was to be had since Jack was now part of the family.

Grinning like an idiot, you prayed, thanking any celestial being that was listening, for what little you had been blessed with. You were loved and they were loved back, and that was all that mattered.

“Merry Christmas!” You shouted with joy! Even more so, you couldn’t wait till your men came home.

“She’s probably sulking around alone, cuddled up in a blanket crying!” Dean growled at Sam.

“Why don’t we give her a call then, hmm? I’m telling you she’s fine!” Sam retorted.

Castiel decided to take matters into his own hands and texted you.

-Hello, Y/N. Just checking in. How are you?”-

“Dean, you’re going to get us killed!” Sam cringed as Dean drove through the hundredth red light.

“There was no one around! Live a little Sam!”

“That’s beside the point!”

“That’s strange,” Cass stated out loud, gaining the attention of everyone in the car.

“What is it?” Jack questioned.

“Y/N didn’t text back,” Cass confessed. “She always texts back.” A prominent frown plastered on Castiel’s face. “Dean, drive faster.”

“Cass, not you too! She’s probably busy doing something and didn’t hear her phone,” Sam tried to reason.

You were having a ball! The cookies were half way cleared and you were almost finished with your second cup of milk.

“Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!” You belted, completely off key, but you couldn’t care less. No one was home.

-Time Skip-

It was Christmas eve! The guys wouldn’t be home today but they were going to be home on Christmas day, which was tomorrow. You were a little bummed that some traditions would have to wait till next year, but that was okay, as long as everyone came home safe and sound.

“Dean, c’mon, let me drive. You need some sleep,” Sam attempted to relive his brother from driving. And maybe if he was able to get behind the wheel, he could bring safety back in the mix. He knew that if anything were to happen to them, you would be pissed or you would be heartbroken.

“I’m good.”

“Uh, I have to pee,” Jack announced.

“Hold it,” Dean mumbled.

“Dean, there’s still a few hours until we get home, let’s stop somewhere. Fill the tank and get something to eat.”

“Fine, everyone has ten minutes!” Dean snapped. He pulled over to the next Gas-n-Sip, everyone scurrying off to relieve themselves and buy what they needed. Dean filled up Baby, before heading in to use the bathroom.

Ten minutes on the dot, Dean was already waiting by the car, hollering for everyone to get back. Castiel was already in the backseat, Sam and Jack running towards the Impala.

“Sorry, the girl at the cash register kept asking for my number, but I remembered what you told me, don’t give numbers out to strangers,” Jack mentioned as he entered the car.

“Awesome,” Dean tapped Baby’s hood before getting in himself.

The tires burned as Dean floored the gas pedal. “Dean!” Sam shouted.

The second tray of cookies were in the oven while the first batch was cooling down. You prepared the frosting and sprinkles on the table, ready for Christmas cookie decorations. As you were about to start on the first cookie, you remembered that Cass had texted you yesterday. From all the fun taking place, you forgot to reply. Hopefully he wasn’t worried.

-Cass, sorry I forgot to reply. Everything is great. Just about to start decorating the Christmas cookies!-

-That’s great. I will admit I was a little worried when you didn’t reply. Dean is very anxious to get home.- Cass revealed. You couldn’t help the smile on your lips. Dean knew Christmas was your favorite time of the year.

-Just get back safely. Tell Dean not to speed.-

An idea popped into your head and you decided to decorate the cookies a little more personal. As the angel shaped cookie lay in front of you, you began to decorate it in fashion of your favorite angel, Castiel.

“Dean, you may want to slow down. Y/N has informed me she is doing great, decorating Christmas cookies and to tell you to stop speeding.”

Dean ignored Cass, once again driving right passed a stop sign. At this point, Sam had given up. He knew that no matter how much he argued, Dean wasn’t going to listen.

Dean loved decorating cookies, so knowing that he was missing it made his heart ache. He loved the family traditions that came about throughout the years, especially when all of them involved you being by his side.

“Ooh! I like cookies!” Jack chirped, a wide grin taking over his face. Sam smiled at Jack’s enthusiasm.

You were half-way done decorating the first tray when the oven dinged signaling that the second batch was done. Happily, hopping from your seat and to the oven, you pulled out the tray of cookies, setting it on the cooling rack and popping in the third batch.

It was almost four in the afternoon when you were half way done with the third tray of cookies, the fourth tray still cooling down. A yawn escaped your lips, not expecting it to take so long, but this time you were actually trying to make them look perfect. Maybe it was because you wanted Christmas to be perfect when the boys finally made it home.

Folding one arm on the table, you rested your head on it, using your free hand to keep decorating, but at some point you had fallen asleep, frosting still in hand.

“Huh, we’re actually going to make it back in time,” Sam affirmed, recognizing the scenery around them. “We made really good time.”

“Told you we could make it back. It’s only 4 and we’ll reach the bunker in an hour,” Dean smirked with a smug look on his face.

When they returned to the bunker in record time, Dean made a bee line into the kitchen only to find you passed out. He smiled at the sight, seeing all the unfinished and finished cookies in disarray all over the table. He lifted you up carefully, not wanting to wake you and headed towards your room.

Once tucking you in, he returned to the kitchen and decided to finish up what you started. Although he wished he could finish them with you, he wanted to surprise you with fully decorated cookies. Jack and Castiel walked in, eyeing the sugary treats.

“Can we have some?” Jack asked.

“No. Let’s wait till Y/N is up and we can eat them together,” Dean replied.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Sam added as he entered the kitchen. “We’ll help. Then maybe Y/N can get a good laugh out of it too.”

“That sounds like an awesome idea,” Dean chuckled, patting Sam on his shoulder when he took a seat.

“I’ve gotten quite good at this,” Castiel praised himself before grabbing the blue frosting.

“It’s good to be home. Merry Christmas,” Dean sighed in contentment.

“Yeah, Merry Christmas.” Sam grinned.

Feedback Is Appreciated!

#Kari and Ida's 12 Days of Christmas Challenge #dean x reader #a very supernatural christmas #spn #supernatural #spn holiday fanfic #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jack kline #reader insert #spn challenge #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #TFW 2.0 #We'll Be Home for Christmas #squirrel-moose-winchester

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short-simple-crystalclear · 4 years

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To answer this question I need to tell you a bit more about the background. You know about those things more or less but I will interlink them with one another and it will be clearer when they are in one place.

I will tell you how my life looked before we happened.

Unstable, no commitments, jumping from one place to another, disappointment with people, constant nonfulfillment, the same companion all the time - me and me only. You know already that I am a seeker, every day, every minute, seeking for satisfaction, for meaning, for something that could fill that void inside me. It was very hard, I was unhappy, always acting as if everything was alright, being there for others and not for myself, changing environments as often as I could to finally find a place where I would feel good and comfortable. Apart from this, highly developed self criticism, constant efforts to improve myself - my interpersonal skills, my education, qualifications, my personality, my appearance. Because I still had this void in me, what is it? Lack of meaningful relationships? Low self-esteem? Lack of self acceptance? I didn’t know, so I worked on everything, always pushing myself over my limits. And constantly distracting myself from this feeling of emptiness and lacking. Either by next job, next bartender or barista training, excel courses, tax advisory courses, work and travel in America, study exchange, crossfit, yoga, japanese, eating, sleeping, going to the cinema alone, listening to the music at full volume. Everything I could find to meet new people, to forget about myself for a minute and to find meaning. I really was miserable, I could be surrounded by people who cared for me and adored me, and I still felt as if I was alone. But because it has been lasting for so long, I learned to deal with it. And here comes my mindset, my habits, everything that I must have given up before deciding you will be my future husband.

Freedom and individualism - those became (subconsciously) my most important values in life. I could go anywhere I wanted, so I was going, I didnt have any relationships, it was great, I didnt have to explain myself and my bizarre ideas to anyone. But because it was quite painful I started creating this vision of myself in my mind - what will I do, where will I work, where will I go during those times of the year which are associated with family and other people. I have experience in spending New Years eve alone (or with my parents, so the same thing) since 2014. In Poland not going to a party on New Year’s Eve means that you are a loser and a social zero. So I was both, invisible and social zero, no one could know about this, it is too shameful, it shows how unattractive I am, so I had to lie about my plans to people who asked me what was I doing. But yeah, I already had experience with New Year’s.

Next, Christmas - right after I move out from Poland I most likely wont go back home for Xmas because why would I? For the past 3 years I have treated every Christmas spent with my family as the last one. So I made peace with it too.

Next, and this is the biggest one, my normal everyday life - I will hire myself in a company or sth, climbing the career ladder, not worrying whether I will have kids or not because I wasnt even sure if I wanted them. How my life would look like? I live alone, go to work in the morning, go back from work in the evening, I go to yoga class or any other place and then I sit at my home and look for more opportunities for myself to grow. Still, no commitments, maybe random sex maybe not (depending on my confidence and relationship with my body), no adjusting to anyone else, changing social circles often (to avoid commitment) or being alone since I am so comfortable with my own company after all of these years. Besides, I cant trust anyone, people want to hurt me or destroy my plans and make me fail. It’s easier to be alone and observe everyone, and silently work on my achievements so no one can see. Do you remember our first fight? About sleeping around? That’s exactly what I (and you) was fighting with, I said “When it comes to me, sex was the only thing left that I couldn’t do without a man”. Exactly. And I wrote even more concerning this “I could imagine myself hitting 30, with my “dream job” making me miserable, with good apartment, surrounded by expensive things which were supposed to make me less lonely, with my eating disorder thriving, and with my vibrator in the drawer next to my bed, definitely overused one.” Similar to what I have written a couple of lines up, right? But that was my future in my mind, I planted this seed and accepted it. This was the way to prevent myself from more disappointment, broken heart and loneliness. I prepared myself in advance for all of them. I knew it was bad for me, but it was the only way I could cope with my hopelessness.

So what did I have to give up when I started a relationship with you? That I could go anywhere I wanted without much planning, that I could be fully flexible with my decisions because there was no other person involved, that I didnt have to know where I will end up in the end because I can always move and find a new place for myself. I had to give up my constant search for meaning and fulfillment. I had to give up my independence. Because if I am in a relationship I cant have secrets, I cant make plans that nobody knows about, I cant just go out without saying anything, I cant make decisions by myself without taking anyone else into consideration. I cant follow my strategy anymore - that no one really knows who I really am, no one knows my stories. I still perceived myself as not ready, not good enough, not having enough to give, because I knew how unstable I am, I knew well my urges to run away from people, I knew that I indeed loved being careless and free. Freedom, I understood and loved it, and I couldn’t give it up. I didn’t have much but I had this total independence, no matter how many mistakes I made, how bad my situation was, I could just turn around, change my living place and create my new identity over and over again. I also used it to stay myself, after giving away myself to others for years, I could go away and recover. I knew the costs were high, but at least I didn’t have to pay the greatest cost - being myself and accept everything that comes with it. I knew it was bad for me, I knew that. But that was living in me, so strongly, those were my reactions and thoughts which I had for years. That mindset was very important to me - not staying anywhere for too long, trying new things, being independent and not having to explain myself to anyone, changing people so they cant develop expectations. I didnt start any romantic relationship to protect myself from exposure and rejection when he finds out how I really am.

When I met you I had to give up all of that thinking, I had to make a mess with my life and destroy the whole system with no guarantee that I wont fuck up this relationship too because my demons will take over.

Now you can see why I behave in a way I behave, why I misbehave and do those unpredictable things. I decided I would give up all of this, but they are still troubling me, they dont want to let go. They are hijacking me from time to time and I have to fight with them. Unfortunately, sometimes I lose the duel, and then hurt you. Examples are: when I run away in September, when I wasn’t replying to you at the beginning of January for the whole day, when I triggered our first fight about sleeping around, female masturbation and vibrators, that’s why I still considered HPV vaccine even though you said we don’t need it, that’s why I dont like sending pictures of me to you, that’s why I say “everything is fine” even if it isnt, that’s why I had this dilemma about Toronto and couldnt see from the very beginning that you are most important to me, that’s why I didnt want to tell you about antidepressants, that’s why I was thinking and thinking again about our relationship and assessing whether I am still an asset to you, that’s why I asked if you would accept me if I leave you now and come back after a couple of years, that’s why I was pushing you away and pulling you closer, that’s why I ask for reassurances when you say you want me or you love me, that’s why I provoke you and actually cross the line, that’s why I make you uncomfortable sometimes with what I say, that’s why I kept you at arm’s length distance sometimes, thats why I believed that no one is irreplaceable and that love is conditional, that’s why I didnt want to go public with our relationship, at least on my side, that’s why at first I was telling you that you will have another wife, because I was afraid I will hurt you and let you down, that’s why I wasn’t so sure if I want to start a relationship with you at first, because I was sure I will ruin you and hurt the person that I love the most on this planet. I was pushing you away not because I wanted freedom, I was pushing you away because I could see how strong these demons and this thinking are inside me. And I was frightened that I would leave you one day in the future when it’s already too late, when you invest too much, when you completely adjust your life to be with me and when it’s too late for you to forget about me and find another girl for yourself. You can see that I had a lot of issues from the very beginning but you didn’t know because I wasn’t communicating them. And now I am communicating them but they are not as strong anymore.

And this void is still present there, I am still self conscious and too shy. When you came you didnt fill these holes in me, you didnt fix what was broken. No. You created new things, you created spheres that I never had, you built your own creations in my mind. And they are all warm, loving and comfortable. And now my mind and my body is colorful, there’s a lot of vibrant colors which you brought but there is also a lot of darkness. All I have to do is to give up on those destructive mechanisms that are old and no longer supportive and focus on the new ones. And I am relieved it is like this, I really am. You know why? Because you have built something sustainable, you are not a guy for one night who will help me forget about myself, you are not amphetamine which could get me high for a couple of hours. And it brings me peace and tranquility, that I am not using you to fill this void only and discard you when you stop “working”. But it will take me some time to unlearn all of the things that I was doing for years. I can clearly see how much I have changed during the past 6 months, from a complete doubt through confusion to a total belief. How I perceived myself unworthy of your love and now I accept it.

It wasn’t a coincidence that I was single. And you know how many opportunities I had to start a relationship, but I never had one because no one was worth it. Worth leaving my principles and plans. Until I met you. And when I am saying that I don’t want to be with anyone else I know what I am saying. I don’t want to be with anyone else.

And this Toronto thing, oh Elias. I never did something like this before, I think it was the biggest sacrifice of my life, because indeed, I did sacrifice my “alternative life”, pleasing others, forgetting about myself and helping them, doing the most unexpected thing without consequences, cutting my current relationships, turning my life upside down. But giving up Canada is a one thing, I won’t even apply, even though I already paid for the application fee, it means that I didn’t leave a second door for myself, I can’t run away in case I change my decision, there’s no way back, and I always, always leave a buffer zone for myself. Not this time, I can’t change my mind next month or in two months. It’s like I gave up my own security, my backup, part of my identity. I have never done more to any other person, never. I gave up my way of living. And it’s all for you.

#sacrifice

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