#at least in the delusional version of them in my brain

[karvviie]

just want to say that you are one of the only artists whose wash take i respect especially because youve mentioned you dont even like him that much so hes kind of just a cute handbag for characters you do like. i love that.

helpppp yeah… i mean i do like wash. i like to put that man in situations. i think i just care more about the version of him in my brain rather than in canon.

i guess he’s just not exactly the type of character i go super crazy about but i do also have some reservations about his place as a “white” character in a fandom.

i only say this because when i first joined the rvb fandom years ago, he was pretty much exclusively drawn as a white man. i’m not saying that people only like him because he’s white, but i do think that in any community there will be some people with an unconscious bias towards white men. for example, there are many instances of poc characters in a piece of media being written poorly or as the therapist/accessory to the tortured white guy.

it’s totally normal for people to play favourites though obviously (i do too!) it’s only when it leads to the poor treatment of poc characters which is when it doesn’t sit right with me.

anyways. that’s not really relevant but i just wanted to explain my thoughts on the topic. regardless of whether he is white or not i fully understand why wash is one of the most popular characters and i don't have any problems with him or his stans or to people who see him as a white man! people have a right to envision him however they want to.

i just gotta be wary sometimes because there are certain people out there who can get very defensive over their favourite characters. i’ve had people in the past be very racist and mad at me for not drawing him as a white guy. and yes i know it’s basically canon that he’s white but also i don’t really care. people are making these heterosexual characters yaoi it up so why can’t i draw this guy who’s face has never been revealed into a poc.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

From the Slang Dictionary

Brainrot - (sometimes spelled brain rot) used to describe the effects of being “perpetually online” and consuming large amounts of low-value internet content. The term, which can be used as both a noun and verb, is also used to describe an intense and often obsessive preoccupation with a particular topic, such as a TV show, movie, fandom, or idea. People experiencing brainrot often find themselves mindlessly scrolling through never-ending social media content.

Delulu - a slang shortening of the word delusional. It is especially used to describe superfans or dating partners who display odd or extreme behavior. Frequently, delulu is used in jokes, memes, hyperbole, or lighthearted mockery, especially in memes and social media videos depicting people acting bizarrely or obsessively.

Girl grip - holding multiple items in one hand by grasping them between fingers. Typically, the phrase refers to a person using a clawed hand to hold multiple items at once. For example, a person may hold a paper cup using primarily their thumb and pointer finger while holding a smartphone, keys, receipt, and wallet with their remaining fingers on the same hand.

Goblin mode - a way of behaving that intentionally and shamelessly gives in to and indulges in base habits and activities without regard for adhering to social norms or expectations. The phrase is typically used to be at least somewhat humorous and is commonly applied to oneself as a way of embracing such behavior. It is often considered the opposite of and a reaction to the kinds of healthy, organized, productive habits and lifestyles that are commonly presented (and glorified) in highly curated social media content. It is also sometimes used in reference to people and animals who suddenly become “wild.”

Nepo friend - a person who is thought to benefit from having a famous or influential friend. It is often used to imply that someone is only famous or successful because of their association with a famous person. The term may be used playfully, but it is often at least mildly negative.

Out of pocket - a phrase with three different common meanings. It can refer to a person having to pay money themselves, a person being unreachable, or a person acting unnaturally or in a wild, inappropriate way.

Side character energy - a characteristic that describes how a person sees themselves and their attitude toward life. Side character energy is typically associated with people who are funny, content, and self-assured or who don’t seek to be the center of attention. It is often seen as a counterpart to main character energy or main character syndrome.

Situationship - a romantic or sexual relationship that is undefined and noncommittal. People in a situationship are more than friends but less than committed romantic partners. It can often vary in what happens within it. It could involve casual sex, romance, dating people, spontaneous meetings, a lack of plans, a lack of emotional connection, or possibly all or none of these things.

Unalive - a slang term used on social media as a replacement for the verb kill or other death-related terms, often in the context of suicide. It is typically used as a way of circumventing social media platform rules that prohibit, remove, censor, or demonetize content that explicitly mentions killing or suicide. The term is used both seriously (such as in discussion of suicide prevention and awareness) and in nonserious posts and memes (such as saying My mom is going to unalive me if I don’t clean my room).

Yassification - the act of making something better, especially more visually appealing. Specifically, it is often used to refer to an internet meme in which pictures of people are edited using photo editing software or beauty filters to resemble an exaggerated, hyperfeminine version of a woman adhering to stereotypical beauty standards.

Source ⚜ More: Word Lists ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[will-o-wen]

do you have recommendations for favourite willowen fanfics? the world needs More

you mean apart from my own? (just kidding but also not 🤭) well, I have read everything that's on AO3 so I do feel qualified to answer this so let's do this. my favourites in no particular order because I love them all and have reread them all quite a lot of times.

Have Your Cake And... - heartcansing: I love this one so much because I'm an older Willowen enthusiast and the dialogue is so god damn perfect, I feel like I'm intruding on a real day in their lives. it's canon. 💔

A Little Room Inside - emmaliza: this one is canon to me, lowkey also highkey. my delusional brain has accepted this and has adapted my own silly version of reality accordingly. the way they seamlessly integrated real dialogue from Robbie's book has made me very, very happy and obsessed.

Locked In Your Heart - heartcansing: in the exact same vein, this one is also canon. why? because it's fantastically written. and the inspiration for this one has been in my mind rent free for months now.

1993 - soft_science: 90s Willowen, also canon, also wonderfully written and in character.

The show goes on - black_cottoncandy: wonderful little introspective about the wilderness years and Robbie and Mark having to answer questions about one another for years and years despite the separation

Sex, Lies, and Videotape - heartcansing: I'm saying all of these are canon by the way simply because I'm a dialogue snob and all of these have their voices down so well that I feel like it could be canon even if it's only because I can hear Mark and Robbie as I'm reading the words. So yeah, this one is also canon or at least, I wish it was canon...to a degree! One mighty degree. It's good, it's so good.

Call and Response - emmaliza: more 90s Willowen, really describes how I'd envision them in the 90s if they had been a thing. so it's also canon!

It's Just So Obvious - heartcansing: and at last more older Willowen and also ESPECIALLY featuring Land of Dreams Mark because he is my eternal love. once again just perfect dialogue and thus canon because I said so.

And now, just because you came to my account and I'm a shameless self-promoter, out of the stories I have written My Only Friend is by far my favourite because I wrote it for myself, I had so much fun writing it, it was as though Mark and Robbie had moved into my brain and have been residing there ever since.

There are so many more stories, especially from the writers that I've posted here but these are the ones that stuck with me and have impressed my emotional little heart the most.

[its-dari]

Beware Baby Bunny

Hard Yandere! Akatsuki - Types & Danger Levels

I know it says "hard yan". But that's because my preferred type are soft yans... This is literally the worst extreme, especially in terms of character.

~ Dari

Deidara

Type: Manipulative & Dependent

Danger Level: 3/10

Not particularly manipulative towards you, more so towards any possible suitors. But if he is favored by you, he will milk it to the best he can. This especially shows when he assesses that he cannot physically win over them and resorts to more underhanded methods. A yandere that needs you like he needs air and all his purpose feels like it's gone when he is no longer with you. Like he'd die without you.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Heavy breathing upon close contact. Occasional thievery of your items. Manipulative behaviors towards potential suitors. Occasionally Munchausen.

Hidan

Type: Violent & Delusional

Danger Level: 9.5/10

Intensely wrapped in the bloody thoughts of Jashin, he believes that you were gifted to him for his labors to his god. There is nothing but blood in his brain when it comes to you, obsessively and sexually wrapping himself in how you look drenched in it. He is willing to harm both you and anyone that gets in his way of having you. It is only a side comment that makes him conceal his feelings and behavior.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Idealization. Erotomania. Stealing of bloodied sanitation products. Leering.

Hoshigaki Kisame

Type: Protective & Possessive

Danger Level: 7/10

Immensely blood thirsty but unlikely to violently react towards rivals unless they were similar. Views your opinion as important and so is careful in how he presents himself in front of you. If pushed, he could react violently but is a relatively docile type. Very loyal and pretty liberal in committing bloody acts if he knows he won't be caught. Depends on how well you handle these tendencies.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Keeping things you make for him long beyond it's tenure; including food.

Kakuzu

Type: Possessive Provider

Danger Level: 4/10

Doesn't try and especially hide his fondness and generally is one of the more normal types. While people presumably think he'd view the object of his affections as a posession, it's his experience and older age that allowed this more mellowed look. While his rank and level of violence of a criminal is still high. There is still somewhat of a levelheaded way he goes about dealing with rivals. He also won't really attempt to force you into anything.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Stealing Minimal Items. Financial Coercion.

Sasori

Type: Apathetic, Obsessive & Possessive

Danger Level: 10/10

Lucid and fully aware his behavior is unhealthy and will keep it to himself. The most dangerous in the sense that he cares little for you, your feelings, or your choices. He's also the master of acting like there's nothing wrong with him. The only one with a full 10 in all categories.

Obsessed with the idea of memorializing you forever by turning you into a puppet regardless of your wishes. Watches you often and at length to be able to gauge your anatomy and measurements perfectly. Has likely made a doll version of you and prepared clothes for a potential wedding... If given a chance, will make a different human puppet if the victim is close enough to your likeness.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Staring(often withoit blinking). Watching you sleep if given chance. Idealization. Objectification.

Uchiha Itachi

Type: Protective & Passive

Danger Level: 2/10

Genuinely the least selfish of the bunch, while he has an agenda in flirting with you and wanting to have you. He simply can go on without having you in a romantic sense, content fo have you in his life and just show you that you matter a lot to him. Will set aside his feelings in favor of yours and let you be happy with someone else. The closest to genuinely loving you. Though can show aggression/violence towards those that mean you harm or disrespect your memory.

Creepy Behaviors Include: Stealing Items. Replicating them with sharigan if possible.

Non-Yans / Yan Leashes:

Pein / Nagato

Honestly, someone come help this man. It is their respect for him that they're not acting out. He probably has a soft spot of some sort for you otherwise, he would consider murdering you for causing unrest among the others.

Konan

She's probably used to the creepy leering of men, and is immensely uncomfortable by the knowledge of this behavior. It is her connection with Pein and respect for her that keep them from behaving like insane people. Well, except Hidan, but that's par for the course.

Uchiha Obito / Tobi

He knows EVERYTHING and WOW, he thought he was bad. He takes advantage of his position as "innocent" Tobi to go around and mess with them, just for his amusement... It is his own fondness for you as a member that makes sure they keep from anything too extreme.

Zetsu

If the cannibal himself is grossed out by them, there's a problem. He is the one to report to the others as he can phase through walls and such... Keeps them docile for the sake of that they might know he knows everything.

[chasingwreckage]

💬 100 Original Flirty Sentence Starters

"Is it hot in here or is it just the gravitational pull between us?"

"You blinked, so technically, you missed me."

"I’m not saying I’m in love, but your face has its own parking space in my brain."

"You make my heart skip like a scratched CD in the best way."

"Tell me your name so I know what to whisper in my sleep."

"Careful — look at me like that again and I might do something poetic."

"If we were the last two people on Earth, I’d still pretend to trip just so you'd catch me."

"Say the word, and I’ll pretend I wasn’t just staring at your mouth."

"You walked in like a plot twist, and I haven’t recovered since."

"Do you believe in fate, or should I bump into you again on purpose?"

"My friends told me not to flirt today. Oops."

"If you were a crime, I’d confess just to get closer to you."

"I’d offer you a drink, but I’m already intoxicated by your existence."

"You're the human equivalent of a perfectly timed movie scene."

"Let’s pretend we’re not flirting, just to keep them guessing."

"I thought I was having a good day. Then you walked in and made it unforgettable."

"You’re the kind of distraction I’d ruin my life for."

"Kiss me or don’t, but don’t just stand there looking like a wish I haven’t made yet."

"I didn’t believe in ‘the one’ until you made me forget everyone else."

"Warning: prolonged eye contact with you may result in permanent feelings."

"You’ve got a smile that could rewrite my worst memories."

"I’m not usually this forward, but you’re not usually this tempting."

"You talk like you already know how I like my coffee. Intimately."

"You showed up like a spoiler in a book I wanted to read slowly."

"Do you want to flirt awkwardly until we accidentally fall in love?"

"You're not a red flag. You’re a full-blown siren song."

"I’d lie and say I’m not staring, but I respect you too much to lie."

"You smell like trust issues and the best decision I’m about to make."

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought about kissing you… well, I’d be close enough to do it."

"I came here to cause trouble, and apparently, you're my favorite kind."

"I’d write a poem about your eyes, but I keep getting distracted by your lips."

"You could say anything right now and I’d probably fall in love with the sound of it."

"If we were in a movie, this is the part where I’d pretend to bump into you again. Want to rehearse?"

"You’re not allowed to be this attractive and not be at least a little evil."

"I can’t tell if you’re flirting or if I’m just dangerously hopeful."

"I brought my A-game but your smile made me forget the rules."

"You're the human version of ‘just five more minutes’ — and I could lose hours to you."

"I hope you like storms, because I’m about to rain affection all over your day."

"Are we vibing or am I delusional? Either way, I’m enjoying this."

"If hearts could text, mine would have sent yours three winks and a typo by now."

"Tell me a secret, and I’ll tell you how good you look while telling it."

"Your presence is doing things to my calm exterior."

"If you ever go missing, check my thoughts first."

"You're like a song stuck in my head, but I don’t mind singing you all day."

"I’d chase you, but I think you like being caught."

"Do you always flirt like this, or am I just the lucky target today?"

"You look like trouble, and I’m in the mood for poor decisions."

"Let's be bad at keeping this strictly platonic."

"You keep talking, and I keep falling a little more into whatever this is."

"Be honest... are you this charming on purpose, or is it a side effect of existing?"

"You should come with a warning label. Or a kiss."

"If you were any more attractive, I'd have to call HR on myself."

"You're not stealing my attention. I'm giving it away, willingly."

"Every word you say is a new favorite sound."

"You make me want to believe in love songs again."

"Want to see how fast I can fall for someone?"

"I swear, my standards weren't this high until you walked in."

"You're like gravity. I keep finding reasons to fall."

"I came here for something else, but apparently, you’re the main event."

"If you keep being this cute, I’m going to do something reckless, like confess."

"Are you always this magnetic, or is today special?"

"You make forgetting what I was saying look really easy."

"Your laugh just replaced my internal monologue."

"If chemistry were illegal, we’d be felons."

"I think you just flirted with me using your eyes. Can you do it again?"

"You’re not allowed to be this distracting without a permit."

"I’m not falling. I’m free-diving."

"Let's skip the pretense and admit we're already imagining the kiss."

"Your smile could ruin my whole routine. Please do."

"You're the only plot twist I’d never complain about."

"If you were a book, I’d dog-ear every page you smiled on."

"Can we exchange names, or should I just call you 'mine' for short?"

"You’re the reason my heart forgot how to act casual."

"I was doing fine before you… but this is better."

"You look like my next great distraction."

"You talk like trouble. I like trouble."

"Did it hurt when you fell from my overactive imagination?"

"You didn’t need to say a word. Your vibe did all the flirting."

"Your eyes are giving away secrets your mouth hasn’t said yet."

"I’m not sure if this is banter or foreplay, but I’m into it."

"I thought I wanted quiet. But then you spoke and made noise feel like a blessing."

"You're the kind of chaos I’d invite in without a second thought."

"Tell me something boring. I want to see if even that sounds good coming from you."

"I don’t want a fairytale. I want whatever this tension is between us."

"My favorite risk is looking at you too long."

"You look like a question I’m dying to answer with a kiss."

"You showed up like a glitch in the simulation and now I never want it to reset."

"We should probably stop pretending this isn’t going somewhere."

"You're the only person I’d text first. That’s basically marriage."

"If I had a map of all the best choices I’ve made, you’d be circled in red."

"I’m flirting in metaphors because real words might give me away."

"You’re lucky you’re cute. That’s my entire excuse for this conversation."

"Let’s pretend I wasn’t already planning a playlist for us."

"Are you free later? I want to see what kind of future we’d ruin together."

"You’re like the sun. I know I shouldn’t stare but it’s worth the risk."

"Even your silence feels like flirting."

"You’ve got a face that makes me want to break every rule I’ve made."

"You're the best kind of problem I’ve never tried to solve."

"If flirting were illegal, I’d be your partner in crime."

"You walked into the room and my heart wrote a thesis. Care to read it?"

[thingsseenandheard]

I have returned with more Cazador/Vellioth meta. I want to ramble about that one brief bordering on throwaway line: "Oh how they both laughed!"

This, to me, says a few things. First of all, this is an indication that Vellioth was absolutely whacked out of his mind at the time of his death, and I think that's important. Vellioth being completely insanely irrational is useful information because I think it is important for understanding how Cazador became the particular type of bastard the he is, because in my mind, he is very different from Vellioth.

The things that Astarion was subjected to were absolutely horrific, but as far as I can tell I think they were usually quite different from what Cazador went through under Vellioth. And I don't think that's an accident. It's both a product of the fact that Vellioth was just way crazier than Caz & did things for funsies whereas Cazador generally has a purpose to his actions and the fact that I think in Cazador's fucked up little brain what he is putting his spawn through is kindness compared to what Vellioth did to him. I think he considers himself, in some ways at least, merciful and kind and gentle compared to Vellioth which is obviously not true, but because he behaves so differently from Vellioth despite just being the newer version of him, I think this is all another aspect of Cazador's incredible propensity for delusion.

He didn't impale Astarion for 11 years, therefore in his head, he's being merciful, because he knows that that's an option.

It also shows, I think, that Cazador was also completely out of his mind at the time. He is of course utterly broken from all the shit that Vellioth put him through, and this ties to my previous rant about Cazador's sense of identity. In this moment, laughing alongside Vellioth while he's boiling the flesh from his skull, Cazador and Vellioth are one in the same. And I think this is probably the first instance of that - Of Cazador truly becoming his former Master.

This is, for Cazador, the point of no return. He has risen up and killed his Master, symbolically and literally taking his place. And this is signified by Vellioth and Cazador laughing together.

For completely different reasons. Vellioth laughs both because he's out of his mind and because Cazador has finally done what Vellioth always knew he could - replace him. Cazador laughs because his psyche has the structural integrity of wilted spinach and his torment is finally over. To be honest, I would be shocked if Cazador could remember killing Vellioth. To me, the image of somebody who has faced some of the most fucked up tortures imaginable for god knows how long laughing hysterically as they brutally kill their tormentor sounds like Cazador's brain was on a completely different plain of existence during that whole situation. (And it's canon that Astarion experiences dissociation as a result of the trauma Cazador put him through, does it not make sense that Cazador would also experience dissociation considering he was also tormented by a vampire lord for decades at least?)

So there's that, and I think it points to Cazador's utter detatchment from reality. I think seeing how clearly unstable he was also lends itself to understanding his incredible talent for being delusional, because I think he has no other option. If he recognizes that he has become Vellioth, what can he do? I don't think he would be able to handle that at all. It would consume and destroy him. But he also can't avoid being Vellioth because well, that's just how things have shaken out. All he can do basically is distance himself from the idea of Vellioth - and he can do that easily by simply torturing his spawn in new and creative ways, not treating them the way that Vellioth treated him. But since he's still Vellioth at heart, he of course still has to torture them. It's what he does, and quite literally it is all he knows. That is the only way that he knows how to exist as both a vampire and as Cazador because that's what Vellioth taught him.

He has taken his old Master's place whether he likes it or not and there is nothing he can do to escape the prison he has built for himself. He is living inside of Vellioth's ribcage like it's a prison cell.

[dorotama]

i cant even articulate the joy and happiness i get from just making the 5 frogs do gay and stupid shit in my mind right now.... this show is perfect for me on every level its like it was meticulously designed in a lab specifically to make me want to rip my own skin off. the version of sgt frog that exists in my brain where almost everything has at least a little bit of basis in canon but in large part is composed of me being a pervert and seeing all these endless complexities and subtle interactions and details that are only debatably present in any meaningful way & ignoring everything i dont like. i might be delusional but it remains in my mind the single most complicated uncomplicated horrible slapstick romcom ao3 wattpad pixiv there was only one bed convoluted looney tunes sex power of friendship abridged series 2009 humor flanderization plot hole ridden inconsistently poingant shit in the entire world and im so addicted to making them kiss each other and then kiss me in my mind palace

[grimmgrinningghouls]

Go on about ash I dare you. (Interpret this as me legit asking about ash)

OKAY OKAY There is SO much to say about Ash where do I even start bro. She's been plaguing my brain for a fucking year now she won't leave. She's a skywing from WoF but we made wings of fire dope as shit and cured the series of its straight white woman author disease. She's essentially a spartan warrior version of a dragon and she's so silly.

She's also the daughter of two rich dragons, her moms a decorated war hero, and her dads just a rich prick. Her moms a vile dragon who doesn't care about her children outside of them ending up like her, as in also being decorated and valued members of skywing society. The only attention she gives them is putting them through the whole spartan 9 yards. Much like spartans, she started training around the age she learned to fly, which is 7 years old in dragon years. She was 2 in actual years, but maturity-wise she was 7.

Most skywings are required to go into some form of military training, at least for a few years. Its legally required for them to be in boot camp for 2 years, afterward they can choose to join the military or just do what they wanna do. Most of them join the military bc skywings heavily value their soldiers though. Still, the 2 year boot camp they go through teaches them basic reading, writing, math, and all that fun stuff. Ash didn't go through that however. Due to her mother's rank, Ash was allowed to be home indoctrinated lol.

Which in turn meant she was never taught to write, read, or do math. She can read maps and basic words, and do basic math, but she can't write at all and struggles with reading. All of her time was focused on military. She spent the first 5 years of her life doing grueling exercises, including being starved, whipped, threatened with a snake that could kill her with one bite, verbally abused, and generally just neglected unless she was training. Poor girl went through hell. Ash DOES have siblings tho, in the form of Singe, her older sister, who went through much of the same torment, and her two younger twin sisters, Soot and Smog.

Soot and Smog were left pretty much alone by their mother. Their mother was a very materialistic dragon, she only saw others for their use, she saw Singe and Ash as her future killing machines, and Soot and Smog as nothing more than tokens she could marry off once they were of age to richer families in different tribes to further expand her families influence. Soot and Smog were spoiled and pampered since they had nothing else to do, their father was very uninvolved and tbh a lil bit scared of his wife, while their mother put her focus on Singe and Ash. The twins are incredibly spoiled and like to mock their older sisters.

She did intend to marry Singe and Ash both off as well, she was planning on trying to marry Ash into the royal family, and Singe to whatever dragon she thought would increase their family's riches and power.

Around the age of 19 in human years, conflict began breaking out in pyrrhia thanks to the rainwing queen getting bitter. Their mother (Candle btw) saw this as a lovely opportunity to shove her two oldest daughters into the horrors of war. Singe and Ash are both incredibly competent soldiers due to their upbringing and get praised heavily. It catches the eye of Sunstone, the queen's right-hand man and the top general of the entire army. Essentially, Sunstone has the strongest army in pyrrhia at his command. He's impressed by them, so puts Ash under the mentorship of another very high-ranking general named Aelous, and mentors Singe himself.

Aelous is rough around the edges but treats Ash better than her mother did. Sunstone is a very carefree dragon, so he and Singe end up being besties. These are the first real connections Ash makes outside of her older sister. Sunstones not all he's cracked up to be however, he's a jealous, bitter, and downright delusional monster who doesn't care at all for any dragons life but his own. He thinks that all the queens are doing shitty queen jobs, so is planning to overthrow them all and put rulers he finds more adequate on the throne. To do this, he's working with the previously mentioned bitter rainwing queen who he plans to double cross.

Sunstone sabotages his own army and sends soldiers to their dooms, secretly helping the rainwing queen take out the biggest threat to her from the inside out. Enough about him though.

Ash, after just returning from a scout mission, goes looking for her older sister in the skywing barracks. Lots of stuff happens, but for now, all yall need to know is Sunstone killed Singe. This shook Ash and completely uprooted her entire world. I don't want to go tooo into detail with it, but like I mentioned before, Ash was severely neglected outside of her soldier training. She was never taught how to deal with her emotions and is prone to outbursts of rage, sadness, and even joy. She doesn't know how to express herself, so goes through a very rough grieving process.

Won't spoil any more, but she meets some dragons from another tribe who help her with her grief and in finding herself, and in the end, she's the one who takes down Sunstone and stops the war, commits some war crimes, goes to prison and almost dies at one point, accidentally kills her mother and helps her little sisters not be little shits, as well as cuts off her father, falls in love, and gets over (most) of her trauma

[saiwriting]

Thoughts, Thoughts, Blog #3

I so badly want to be someone else, but that someone else I want to be is also me. I find it extremely hard to envision myself in the future. Ever since I was younger, I always had this promise to myself that literally only one person knows: that I would not make it or go past 25 years old. Doesn't matter, don't come console me about it, I'm actively working toward that sentiment daily in the "it's so over" "we're so back" format. Either way, I could never truly envision myself in the future without it looking and sounding and even smelling eerily similar to me in the present moment. Then I thought to myself, well, maybe this is a weird lesson in accepting myself as I am. Maybe this is something that I will never truly be mastered in my mind. Those goddamn maybes will kill me. I guess the only logical product of this mindset was one that I was forced to accept who I was at any given moment and that wanting improvement was an innate hatred of yourself which, hey, is pretty fitting considering the whole born sinner thing. Or maybe the mindset was the residual effect. I could not even see a better me within my dreams.

Recently, I finished the book The Law of Attraction and it was both...weird and transformative, This guy-or entity-Abraham was, like, a total Yoda in my book; lucky for him I've always fucked with the weird wise guys. A key pillar in this....biography? novel? self-help guide? was that The Law of Attraction was always happening whether I knew it or not and therefore I am always creating things within my reality based on whatever I am focused on. Therefore, the more consistent I am with 1) listening to my Inner Being as 'he' called it, 2) thinking strongly, positively, and deliberately about what it is I want for my life and 3) to then be as delusional as possible and believe that I am owed it by the Universal law, the better my life will be, I will have made my Higher Self proud, and I will literally get everything I have ever wanted. If you couldn't tell by the tonality of the language used, this is possibly the hardest thing I could ever do in my life (thanks Gemini North Node, I guess?). How could I possibly accomplish this when I LITERALLY CANNOT THINK OF MYSELF IN ANYTHING BUT FIRST PERSON. Well, lucky for me, Abraham kinda explained it good enough to where I can practice it at the very least. TL;DR version is this: if you keep thinking about the what-is then you will keep attracting only.....you guessed it! what-is. It sounds simple, but when that is literally something I have been doing my whole life, then it's impossibly frustrating to shift gears now at the ripe age of 22.

So, a conclusion that I came up with, thanks to both my obsession with the medium and the Akashic Records reading I got the day before my birthday, was that I needed to write. I needed to write, and I needed to write so obsessively so that I am writing just about anything I or you could think of. Whatever I want to accomplish in this life, for sure, can only be accomplished by writing because otherwise the F-5 twister of thoughts in my brain will never be synthesized, organized, and archived for future sanity's sake. I have to write in order to live. That's why I got so many goddamn sticky notes and shit from W.B Mason thanks to my now former employment. Shit is crazy, but I gotta write in order to even feel like I can think. In some ways, this feels like a curse because who truly has time for that motherfucker who wants to stay an extra 5 seconds in any given moment to savor and process it for fear of a dissociative and depressive memory loss. Who wants to always see me writing with a pen in my little notebook splaying my thoughts on paper because if I try to launch them from my tongue, they malfunction. Who wants to deal with the frustration of someone who cannot and will not do anything "on the fly" because she just....she just can't think that fast. Who wants that? Who wants to stop for that? (Un)fortunately, it has to be me.

[reasonandempathy]

Part of my frustration here is two-fold.

One is the "now it’s the rest of the community’s turn to actually meet us where we’re at." is s incredibly fucking passive and self-defeating. Yeah, you have a few good ideas that you think could work. Let's stick with the Jewish Masculinity example since it's the most concrete here.

How do you proselytize that version of Masculinity in the US? How do you use that version of masculinity as a positive counter-example that Generic Cis (American) Men can use as a guiding light? If nothing else, it's a pretty Jewish concept, and for some reason, I don't think "Just be like Jewish men" is a good rallying cry to enact change in toxic American (or Italian, or Spanish, or...) men.

"I have a good idea" isn't even step 1 of social change. It's step .0125, and the insistence that a thing should be better matched with literally arguing for not working in society to enact that change is so fucking delusional that it consistently makes my brain blank out. Yeah, it fucking sucks, and so many people don't have an interest in doing that work. But "everyone should agree with me and its their job to do so" is a point of self-delusion.

The second part is how it seems to leave a lot on the table, practically speaking. It reads as ceding a lot of cultural ground that doesn't or shouldn't be ceded to fucknuggets and assholes, and in the process, it homogenizes what "good masculinity" looks like. If there are 50 different versions of good masculinity in your head that means that there are, at least, 50 men who worked for their entire lives to build those and project them outward. Which also means that each person has their own shit to go through before getting to that positive masculinity archetype, and not all 50 versions work for each person. Some fit, some don't, and nobody has it all figured out.

You can say "there are so many versions of good masculinity to choose from", but reading that list of good types of masculinity just...

"transmascs of all stripes" are taken as positive masculinity examples by definition? "Bear masculinity" has no shitty practices or situations? There's no misogyny in lesbian relationships, especially on the part of bull dykes or mascs. The issue cedes a lot of ground that shouldn't be ceded in favor of propping up "versions of masculinity" that also get wildly fucked up because these things don't exist in a vaccum.

Holy fucking shit queer people really fucking hate masculinity

Like, I know anyone following me has seen me talk about this shit but fuck

This queer movie review podcast is talking about 70s glam rock fashion (a favorite of mine) and the one host says "an effeminate man is his true self, because masculinity is fake, the only way to be real is to be feminine"

Like, what the fuck? First of all, way to discount generations of queer people, and displays of queer masculinity, great job. Second, tell me you've never spoken to a trans man or a butch or literally anyone who's ever been forced into a feminine social role or feminine presentation without telling me.

I hate how pervasive this attitude is. I hate how it makes it uncomfortable, at best, to exist in queer spaces as someone who is not, can not, and does not want to be sufficiently feminine.

[natgoodmans]

Hi! Ya I was curious about the extra bonus track..but some people said it might just be a remix so I wasn't too sure about it. I like the color though and how it also matches one of her 1989 outfits on tour like people were saying. But I kinda wonder why she is doing so much for 1989..similar to Midnights with the extra bonus track and different covers..but I think she just wants it to be really successful over the original version. I may buy one for the car eventually but it also won't have the bonus song so idk. I loved her VMAS look and after-party look..and how she wore a dress similar to Sabrina's and hung out with Selena! I love that they're still close.

Ooh that concert should be fun and I'm happy you got tickets! Hopefully she works on stage presence too. The whole album has grown on me more..especially Get him back, but i have the same favorites. Ooh yes I am hoping to listen to Laufey, Mitski and Madison Beer soon. They all kinda have a slow style and almost old fashioned sound which I like. I would say it was true for Billie's other album as well if you listen to it. But Olivia's was actually more rockish lol...so I really just like it all.

I never saw Ride the Cyclone but have heard good things about it. I guess I'm not as familiar with some off Broadway stuff for the most part but that's cool. I hope we can both like Broadway again soon. But I see you watched the Little Mermaid movie and so did I! It's nice thinking we both did the same thing near each other like with the Eras tour..and hopefully with seeing the tour movie too. Anyway I thought it was mostly fine..but also good. But I mostly enjoy all the remakes..cuz I already know what I'm getting so I can't be too disappointed. But anyway..ya new songs sometimes always feel unnecessary anyway. I knew it was Lin beforehand but also you can always kinda hear Lin's style too so it's interesting you didn't know. But it was more obvious in Encanto than here. I'm still a fan of his though! But I will watch any musical movie and at least somewhat enjoy it lol. I am also using it as an opportunity to watch the Cinderella with Brandy and Bernadette Peters finally..and hoping to watch the new Theater Camp movie that's now on Hulu. I'm also looking forward to seeing her in the Color Purple movie when it comes out, since I thought she was a pretty good Ariel. What were your thoughts? I get the idea that ya it doesn't really need to be remade cuz we have stage versions too so sometimes it's just kinda okay..I think they're all pretty equal to me.

I'm glad you're feeling better! I wasn't feeling as well either which is why I didn't reply right away. But I've also more offline and trying to read more too. I will hopefully be done with Some Mistakes Were Made by the end of this week..maybe. since I am now trying to read more books in the readathon and focus on that. I will probably put The Night Circus in cozy fantasy then, and finishing up picking for the other categories. I don't really listen to audiobooks cuz I get too distracted or can't focus on it. It would have to be a good one too..a lot of the ones I'm familiar with is just like reading out loud so I don't usually listen to them..but i could see how it might make you enjoy the book more if the audio was good. I'm glad you are reading more books you enjoy and getting more done for the readathon. I will definitely look into any book you love or recommend! Have a good week!

hi hello!! i'm definitely curious to see what she ends up doing in terms of remixes for 1989 tv! and i've seen some theories about her alternating between not a lot of promo and then a lot of promo, which is cool — and would make sense with rep being an album with not a lot of promo which means (in my delusional brain) that debut would have a lotttt of promo !! i do not think that's true, but i would love it if debut finally got paid its dues. unfortunately, the different covers is just the norm now; i think sour & guts both had ~ 15/16 variants, most artists have at least 3 but a lot of them usually have more, it's just a marketing/sales thing, unfortunately. and yes!! i think it's so cute how close they are <3

i listened to the new laufey last week but haven't had time to relisten and so i do not have favorites for you yet! i've actually never listened to madison beer, but tiktok keeps pushing her on me so i might give her album a go soon! and the new mitski — i am just very behind on music lately (been listening to audiobooks instead) but i am very excited to give the new mitski a go! one of my best friends got to go to an early listening party in a planetarium for the new mitski, and that experience sounded SO cool. guts has definitely grown on me a lot more; i think i like it more than sour, but that might be recency bias.

i saw ride the cyclone twice in seattle, and it is just such a weird little musical that i love with my entire heart! i love odd little shows that just make me think, and ride the cyclone definitely is one of those shows. i'm seeing the national tour of hadestown in a few weeks which i'm super excited for; i've seen it on broadway twice, but missed the tour last year when they were in seattle (got into seattle and then found out they cancelled my performance twenty minutes before doors opened). and i just got tickets to go see a regional performance of the band's visit when i'm in boston this fall, so i'm super stoked! i hope you're also able to love broadway again soon 🤍

and yes!! i love that! 🥺 i think i was a little disappointed by the remake? i don't usually like remakes though (aside from live action cinderella). i really loved halle bailey as ariel, but was a bit let down by jonah h-k as eric (and sent my friend caitlyn several voice memos about how his eric reminds me of how he plays laurie in PBS little women) vocally but also just wasn't the biggest fan of his characterization/interpretation! i think the remake also just didn't do a whole lot for me, which is fine! the pacing felt very drawn out, i wish the costumes were a bit brighter in color, and i think some of the casting was interesting, but i really loved daveed diggs as sebastian! i haven't actually wanted encanto but i keep meaning to!

i'm SO excited for theatre camp! i think i'm watching it on friday with a friend; i love molly gordon, and will watch anything for her haha. the color purple remake looks so good, i saw a trailer of it when i watched barbie and it looks amazing!! in general though, i really have mixed feelings because i don't think everything needs to be a remake — i think some things work better as proshots vs. remakes, and sometimes i just get sad because there are perfectly good actors who can sing well that we can cast in musicals and a lot of remakes/movie musicals don't do that (this isn't about any cast/movie in particular, just an overarching generalization).

i hope you're feeling better!! i feel like everyone is getting sick/ill lately :( take care of yourself, friend! i haven't really been doing the readathon as much as i want to either — jamie and i were briefly talking about doing an october / nov / dec one instead (i have some prompt ideas, might just post them to encourage the besties to read more if people are interested)! do you have anything fun planned for this weekend? what are you currently reading/watching/listening? 🤍

[juvederm]

oversharing, being mentally ill possibly

i genuinely don't know if this is a legitimate phenomenon or not, but i have friends who "IRL" characters (call them delusions at times), and i kind of don't get it. it kinda seems like kinning to me. i described how i felt about my attachment to josh, and my friend related to a T but still called theirs a delusion. and correct me if im wrong but like... aren't delusions something that u don't know is happening... like ur not aware ur being delusional. but my friends seemed very like, aware. complete opposite.

so they tend to get upset when you "double" (meaning like, you kin or "IRL" the same character as them), or shit talk the character in any way. i kind of related to that aspect, just being overly protective of a character. but since my friend related to me, i assumed i had like a safe space to vent abt my actual frustrations with like, having this heavy of an attachment so i'll get into that now.

because josh is like my most liked loved admired character in my arsenal, i always projected onto him. when i was 14-15, i didn't call him a kin, because i didn't exactly relate to his canon version. instead i made a version of him i related to, and he was Literally me at that point. but also not. and comically as time went on, i noticed i was becoming more like his canon version, but also staying like the projection version of him (bc he literally had the same interests as me, same music taste, same fashion sense, same everything). this all snowballed into a weird thing where now he's become apart of my brain. he has like his own thoughts and feelings and opinions, sometimes i say things that he thinks and it gets me in trouble at times. i worry that like he might take over? and that i won't have any original thoughts? even tho this version of him is a mix of canon and projection. like we have to share some of the same thoughts but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. like i differ from him in some ways, for example, he's like a different type of intelligent from me, he likes castlevania and fighting games, etc.

along with this, i also have a sort of gender envy for him. i always wanted to look like him, be socialized the same way he was, have all the same friends as him, like i really wanted to Be him. so i took his name as a start. and it's always been a smack in the face to look in the mirror and not see That. being confronted with a girl reflection.

so i coped pretty hard. it became somewhat dissociative? i don't know if that's the right word, but i genuinely departed from my physical self whenever i'd do my "rituals" (i say this tentatively because i know this is a term used for OCD, which i'm not entirely sure i have or not), and my rituals always had to be the following thing: between 1-4:30 AM, at least an hour long, they had to have a Story, and they had to be Useful. and another thing, absolutely NO LIGHT. and it wasn't like i wanted to do them (i sometimes did), i HAD to do them. i've been very irritable the past few days because i've been missing them (literlaly bc i fixed my sleep schedule loool) and it's just been upsetting me.

it became hard to do anything, i've had these rituals since i was a kid. they always had to do with something i was currently obsessing over. always at night too. nothing really changed there. when i got to high school, i realized i was never going to be josh, or that ideal projection of him. because he was Me but he was also Me If I Did Anything With My Life. but i got to school, i wore the same black hoodie everyday, i didn't talk to anyone, i had my headphones on 24/7. and talking to people physically made me ill. i actually could not do it, because i would have an out of body experience where i would see myself through the eyes of whoever i was talking to, and see myself as who i ACTUALLY was, rather than the person i became during my rituals. and it stressed me out every single day i went to school, and on top of me just being a very slow worker (i cannot do deadlines), having dysphoria and depression, i couldn't Do school anymore. so i dropped out.

and nobody got why i did, i'm still very much judged for my decision but it was for my Own good. i've not been Great but my quality of life definitely improved a little bit after i dropped out. and i hate socializing with people as who i physically am, i hate being perceived when i can't control what i look like (can't start T, can't cut my hair, can't dress masculine), so i'm just a Girl to everyone which isn't necessarily a bad thing. i just want to CONTROL when i feel like a girl, i don't want it to be my natural state because i want to be Both. a girl and a boy. during my rituals, i always feel like a boy. to be honest, i feel like josh. that's the best i can describe it.

and back to my original point, i basically said all of this (although more condensed), and admitted that i disliked that disconnect i had by looking in the mirror and not seeing josh, i think my friend got upset by that? by me saying like, i wasn't who i feel and thought i was, and i think they took it as me saying "ur not (insert character) irl, just look in the mirror" but that's not at all what i was trying to say. i'm not rly defending myself here bc who am i defending myself to? like whoever's reading this is not like, thibking im the villain hopefully

but yeah. anyway. did you pray today

[kraken17]

One quote from Wednesday Addams per every chapter of Altogether Ooky in which she has been present.

"Don't underestimate Enid, she could disembowel you with her bare hands." (Chapter 1)

“Please, don’t even think about it, you know I’m alergic to color.” (Chapter 2)

“But when this is all over and I get you alone with me, I shall devour you in ways that will make you howl on a moonless night, mia cara lupa.” (Chapter 3)

"With me you're always surrounded by madness, your little lupine brain should be used to it by now." (Chapter 5)

"Nobody's going to do an autopsy on my werewolf girlfriend but me.” (Chapter 6)

"Be thankful she didn't behead them." (Chapter 7)

"When I was little I would sometimes cling to the sheets, plunged into a deep sleep close to death and in no mood to leave the bed." (Chapter 8)

"Take whichever option is more soothing to your troubled intellect." (Chapter 9)

"I have always appreciated the beauty of your battle marks, and I have always stood for what they symbolize to me.” (Chapter 10)

"Depending on the level of idiocy they display, an interaction with Woe could result in a homicidal incident.” (Chapter 11)

“Anyway, I suppose given our affinity for chaos I shouldn't be surprised." (Chapter 15)

"Take that hand away unless you want to lose it." (Chapter 16)

"I can only theorize that my love for you has subconsciously resonated through all realities, making you a focus for any incarnation of myself." (Chapter 18)

“If a single word of what you just saw comes from your lips to anyone but Enid, a stake through the heart will be the least of your problems." (Chapter 19)

"At family visits and gatherings they are always ambushing each other with cutlasses or knives." (Chapter 20)

"They're Addamses. All of them. Look me in the eye and tell me you believe just for a moment that if we tell them to stay out of this they'll obey." (Chapter 21)

"If I want to keep others out of danger it's so I can enjoy the danger myself." (Chapter 22)

"I would love to be expeditious with the enemy, but I promised Enid to exercise caution." (Chapter 23)

"If my intuition is right, we are going to face a terribly clichéd situation." (Chapter 24)

"I suppose a maternal instinct can explain your homicidal impulse, however delusional it may be." (Chapter 25)

"You have been magnificent, mia lupa." (Chapter 26)

"She's wasted two years of her life to become a sorceress and carry out a senseless vendetta. I respect the dedication, at least." (Chapter 27)

"The book for the most part is a listing of different spells and rituals to propitiate travel between dimensions or contacting versions of oneself from other realities.” (Chapter 28)

"As interesting as this strange family reunion may turn out to be, I'm sorry to have to remind you why this call was made." (Chapter 29)

"We certainly wouldn't want to have a black hole anywhere in Nevermore, Grandmama." (Chapter 30)

"You are the sun, Enid. You've made me feel." (Epilogue)

[lilithmymind]

So, about Yamon. Long story short — Noname once for an intel came to rhe BBB but he can't show his face, so he putten on a mas. Yami was at the counter that day and little did he know before seeing this buffed, rough-voiced mysterious man what he'll fall head over heals. And that's the start of our story of lies and true love tied together.

Later Yami finds out Anon's identity and is left heartbroken and here we have two separate ways of the story. One which was on the insta and one on the YouTube, I'll talk about one on Yt but you can scroll thru insta and find it, just know what you'll have to fight a year of posts about fnaf.

So Yami is left heartbroken but than he decided to kidnap Anon and call him his.

What happened on yt ver of the story we have no idea due to Stain fully cancelling BBH, but in insta version they kept dating where Yami has a boyfriend and Morioh has a simp who he can shit on, punch and get an intel from.

Yami is a simp of a man and a clown of a creature because only clowns will smile like that on a daily basis and act the way Yami does (© me as Yami kin). They both genuinely hate each other but due to Yami being desperate for relationships and Anon desperate for intel (and his huge dick cus some of official art implies things especially when it's brightened up) they stuck. Yami is fucking obsessed with that man he'll literally give himself in for Noname's hand in marriage. I won't say they have kind of Batjokes dinamic, it's a lil different anyway, but the whole smiling maniac×cold and emotionless detective who hates him is here to it's whole core.

I gotta add also official description from Stain of both ship AUs

Ignore Morlun, they're boting af.

Also Yami refuses to acknowledge Morioh as anything but Anon which hints to how strong Yami's obsession with an image of Anon in his head is. In my presentation I even tried to apply some of syndromes to Yami's state. Yami genuinely loves when Anon shits him and bullies him despite having a bullying trauma I mean dude isn't just a simp he's a delusion If it was a person.

I wish I could add more pics of them but you can find everything on Stain's insta.

They're my delusional complicated honeypuffs because I swear one day I will prove what Anon loves Yami too I don't give a single fuck on what Stain officially said like no one would stuck with somebody like Yami especially considering what Yami always gives fake intel just because like dude you has to be either in love either obsessed I mwan Yami is such a piece of shit gurrrl leave him.

Also forgot to meantion what Anon shoot Yami at least once and dude genuinely did not give a single fuck about that like he just continued simping and Anon still sticks up they're so delusional I hate them I wrote like two fics abt them and my obsession so bad what at least an hour a day I spend talking about them with my friend who is as obsessed as I am like listen I know what's better for this characters more than Stain, he knows no shit but I do trust.

Like I have so many headcanons what searching thru them would be a dead end and also I made them seven kids just because that's how many kids Yami would want with Anon and I'm sure he'll want more. They're my everything I'm gonna be honest with you I got into Batjokes partically because they were reminding me of this two like Yamon is such good ship pls my brain is rotting about them.

Spill

(This'll be continued in a reblog since I need to put a lot of pictures and I have a limit)

Let's talk first about what the project's about because we can't go to ship without knowing what's the deal.

Bloodbath bakery is a discounted as of 2023 free webtoon comic made by Stainedge [she/he] (animator, artist, comic writer) when she was still young and fresh. He goes by Stainedge in every social media aka YouTube, Instagram and Ko-fi. Right now Stain is busy with making first draft for a new comic Tomb's Serial Slashing and I like it too but my soul is sold to BBB. BBB is a horror&slasher, let's take a look at og annotation:

"A devilish killer and his three accomplices run a bakery in a small town named Guteyed and serve customers on the daily. Little do they know; the baked good contain a dark, terrifying secret. Only one question remains: What's eating you?"

Let's talk about our slashers first.

YAMI MORNINGSTAR

Demon and a boss of a bakery, born in 1692, is a special case in his family so has this black thing on his face and a creepy smile. Got bullied in school for being lil gay kid (Tho If I was there and knew in what kind of clown he'll grow up into I'll bully him to) and due to his family's ignorance went insane and killed his parents, that saw some demoness who's name we doesn't know but me and my friends call her Gothel cus she came with the "She knows the best" phase like yk Tangled reference. He murders humans and put them in his food, that's the whole point of his bakery.

I made a whole presentation about him so If you'll be interested I'll try to translate it to English.

FALINK&SUSIE O'NIEL

They're my parents, trust.

Susie and Falink met at their job in office, fell in love and got engaged, but Falink got worked to suicide by his boss so they never married. Susie went insane and murdered the boss, we don't know what happened in between but later she died in a fire. We also don't know how they met Yami, but we know what he returned them to life and than they finally married and live their happily ever after. Falink goes thru a lot of shit and Yami constantly bullies him + he has to be a co-manager while Susie just chills on full and bakes.

MELM

We know almost nothing about Melm despite her being one of the oldest characters. She's Yami's personal guard dog and also a cashier. Melm is very aggressive. We know nothing else.

I'll reblog so we'll move to our detectives.

[innerchorus]

Okay, instead of making a million disjointed Gurgin posts like I’m constantly tempted to do, it occurs to me that I can just... put them all in the same post.

Two thoughts that are breaking my brain at the moment; 1. the fact that Nakamura’s manga made me consider a blonde Gurgin (it’s like the sequel to blonde Isfan but worse... though if I have to imagine them with light hair then they can both have silver/grey because blonde just does not work for me, lmao) and 2. trying to picture Gurgin wearing white back when he was training to become a priest...

(He was MADE for wearing black. I do sometimes think about what he would wear if he left Team Zahhak and their typical attire behind, but it’s hard to see him wearing a lot of colour even then.)

(This is funny though because in the novels Team Zahhak wear dark grey.)

Do you ever come across a reference to something historical or whatever and just think ‘that has to be included in an AU somehow’ because that happened to me most recently with the Castle of Oblivion. It’s in Khuzestan, like the Temple of Mithra. I think I’m going to incorporate it into Gurgin’s backstory somehow, like maybe he and his brother and Farangis visited its ruins together once when they were at the temple together, but (unbeknownst to them) way back in the day it used to be used by the priesthood to imprison users of magic / those suspected of following Zahhak. Nowadays they just kill them instead. That’s another thing that the temple trio don’t know about (at least, not yet). Who knows, maybe even the Master himself was familiar with this place!

I’m... really tempted to give Gurgin a different eye colour in every AU I imagine him in. Is this because I’m indecisive and can’t quite settle on one? Maybe. But I also kind of like the idea of this one inconsequential visual difference between all of the different ‘versions’ of Gurgin and his story that I like to think about.

(Interlude aka Magical Healing AU is the only one that has much of anything actually written for it, and his eye colour there is a grey-green, but I do like the thought of a pale blue-grey too, or even brown like his brother, though that might be too similar as they both have dark hair and I like the thought that their eye colour sets them apart distinctly... having said that I was considering a deep reddish-brown/mahogany colour for Mage Hunt AU, I’m not sure why.)

I feel I should admit to the fact that I think about Mage Hunt AU and the eventual Zandeh/Gurgin all the time... like, why yes, Zandeh, you will end up deeply in love with the man you once called a “slimy little freak”. You will love him with your whole heart. You will love his mind, his body and his soul, and you will not want to imagine a future without him by your side. (And thankfully, you won’t have to. This one has a happy ending!)

I was indulging myself recently by imagining Gurgin reuniting with Aghriras in the afterlife, since the novels do seem to indicate that one exists and this is possible. Yeah, I know, it’s absolutely delusional to think that Gurgin would be allowed into Parsian heaven lmao, but... maybe eventually? Just imagining Aghriras wordlessly holding him in a tight hug.

Revisiting some of the content regarding Zahhak’s blood and its mind-control powers in the novels recently has actually been very relevant to my interests in that recently I’d started considering yet another AU (probably like an eventual bad end for well past the events of Interlude, where Gurgin is still firmly Team Zahhak, tries to have it all and ends up suffering the consequences). I would personally describe it as ‘averting canon horror by committing AU atrocities’ but to be more specific, Gurgin ends up saving Zandeh’s life by giving him Zahhak’s blood, and it’s not going to end well. (Sorry, Gurgin. He’ll probably kill you in the end.)

The fact that Gurgin most likely knows exactly where Zandeh is in the second half is just so useful to me. You can’t tell me that this little snake wouldn’t have been reading Namard and Kermine’s letters whenever he got the chance.

Also I am 👀 at the fact that Gurgin recognises that Kermine’s love for Namard would have caused problems for Team Zahhak in the future if he’d lived, while Ghundi is totally oblivious (and annoyed at Gurgin for not telling him before). Gurgin seems surprised that Ghundi doesn’t know. Perhaps he thought it was obvious; however, he may also have deliberately kept quiet about it and is now making a jab at his comrade (like ‘I can’t believe you didn’t notice it, you really don’t know?’). Anyway, this is definitely of interest to me, because I wonder if he’s not been with Team Zahhak for long enough for his perceptiveness of such things to be completely deadened.

Also poor guy, at this point he’s totally sleep deprived and exhausted from the constant racket that the winged apes have been making

(My little headcanon is that back in the time when he and Zandeh were both in Ecbatana, he would sometimes go and sleep in Zandeh’s bed during the day.)

Tanaka: 'In the past, in addition to the Holy Master there were eight people in this room; now only two remained. The anxiety and loneliness of the mages was deeply felt.’ 😢

Weirdest thing I have researched for Sacrifice AU so far: what happens if someone drinks heavy water (yeah, Gurgin... don’t drink from that weird underground well...)

I want to make a Gurgin playlist... I will accept suggestions!

[prisonguards]

@astronomical-bagel

I am. SO terribly sorry about how long this took to reply to, my brain wanted to sit down and write an Essay for u but Ive been. SO BUSY. But seriously Ive been treasuring and hoarding this ask :) its SOOOO so so nice that other people enjoy them as much as I do and Im so happy I could help collect us a little with the tag ^--^ we are all friends now <3 EDIT ALSO TUMBLR ATE THE FUCKING ASK???? I did have screenshot of ur ask thankfully, Im soooo pissed tho idk where it went

So Im gonna go into my history with them a bit cause I kinda got into them backwards ig augshsg. Or at least different from how most ppl in the tag/posting abt them rn are. I was primarily a Traffic and Emp S1 smallidarity guy for the longest time! Funnily enough I was a late adopter of Emp S2 smallidarity (enemies to lovers usually isnt my thing) but the way the community latched onto it and got everyone talking about them really, really got me invested (also getting kin feels helped /shot. Who said that.) I think the other funny thing is that smallidarity is a dynamic where I like the platonic version (almost) equally as much as the romantic—I push for the romantic just because its easiest to collect ppl with a shiptag (although I did intend Smallidarity to be both a platonic and a romantic tag, ftr. Post both! Any! All!) and because I enjoy Complicated dynamics that are easier caught/categorized under a “romantic” lens sometimes even if they arent Necessarily that. But I just love when theyre important to eachother in general.

I actually have Such delusions abt their Traffic dynamic. Im so insane abt it. I think theyre good friends with Joel having slowly building romantic feelings for Jimmy throughout the seasons, which Jimmy is… pretty much aware of and would reciprocate—if Joel would ever ask (he never will). The Last Life dynamic in particular is one that haunts me, because it. Feels like their most amicable Traffic dynamic, at least in my memory, and in no small part of that is Joel pledging to avenge Jimmy (and Mumbo but this is a Smallidarity post isnt it). That small comment profoundly impacts my Traffic Joel characterization and Im planning to incorporate little objects of remembrance for Jimmy into my late game Joel designs. Traffic smallidarity… like many Traffic dynamics that captivate me… its about the missed opportunities, its about the lack of time, its about Tragedy… I just have such bad Last Life brainrot on the mind rn so this has been whats living with me Daily rn.

I also think their 100 Hours is one of the most funny and most OBVIOUSLY flirty dynamics, though I may get into that a bit more with another ask that I got recently, and, well. My Sorry Sir compilation covers a lot of it.

Double Life is what actually converted me but I cannot think of what the Exact moment was. I went back to my messages from when the eps were coming out and.

They immediately got me.

Theres so many good Traffic moments. One day I will make that clip compilation. I swear.

EMPIRES S1……… theyre best friends… I think it would be funny if Joel is independently dating both him and Lizzie and Then they all find out Jimmy and Lizzie are siblings and Joel is like. Oh jesus Christ my type is Even More specific than I thought. Fishkisser boy. Joel making the joke romantic montage of Jimmy before declaring hes gonna be proposing to Lizzie made me. Drop dead. This dynamic is Everything I craved out of them, watching this directly after Double Life and during Emp S2, when theyre most antagonistic, made me fully insane. I LOVE when theyre nice to eachother. So much. Best friends who kiss. Little design headcanon for them is like. Joel is Fully embellished by pearls he gets from Jimmy and Lizzie. I should give Jimmy n Lizzie azaleas to wear in exchange too auughh..

Okay finally circling back to Where We Are Now. Emp S2. These fuckers.

So Im delusional and like it best when theyre Soft right? So even though S2 lends itself So well to toxicity (and dont get me wrong. Sometimes I Gotta indulge) I rlly like making it cutesy as fuck. Joels obsession and complete infatuation and cute aggression is everything. Hes so infatuated with this guy he doesnt know what to do with himself and just is Relentless. schoolyard “hes bullying you because he likes you” type beats. Hes my moron hes my annoying king. I cannot remember if Ive talked abt my design headcanons fully but Im big on the Jimmy Was Human but Joels god powers are Changing That. I think its subconscious, hes not doing it maliciously, reality just bends to his will too much.

Also. Found my decision moments… these are from July 3rd.

I think. Overall the most enthralling thing about them is the care that underlies everything. That despite the endless teasing and bullying, Joel really genuinely care about Jimmy in a way he struggles to express sometimes. I think its really special and charming and compelling. I just have illnesses about them