#at which point I complained that oh it would be easier to fit these in my reading list if I could get them from the library

[ofliterarynature]

Pounding on the library’s digital doors begging it to give me the next Peter Wimsey, as if I don’t already have five audiobooks checked out and need to delay a new one every other day.

[liveontelevision]

Redemption | Lucifer x Reader

This is mostly fluff and angst so far, but there's a chance i'll write a part 2 with some possibly smuttier stuff goin on 🥴

Heads up, Lucifer's a god damn mess in this one. Love to see my boy suffer, though.

♡♡♡

"Sure, whatever. You got the job." Lucifer let's out an exhausted sigh, pushing himself away from his desk and immediately pulling a stack of papers into his hands before beginning to walk off.

You lift up your finger as if to add something to this one-sided conversation, but nothing seems to come out. You shake your head and pull away from the same desk, where you were seated across from the king of Hell.

"O-Oh! Thank you, Your Highness! I'll be here first thing Monday morning!"

"Yeah, listen, I only hired someone because Lillith says I need to lighten my workload, but I can't trust some random sinner... and I got a whole system going, soo - " he responded to you as he took paperwork and filed it away, not at all engaged in conversation.

"Just be here and look busy at your desk. It's the cushiest job ever. If you're lucky, you'll get some calls and schedule some appointments." He waved his hand, silently dismissing you from his office.

"Ah.. well, i'll still be here if you ever need assistance, Sir! Right.. Monday, i'll be here! Thank you - " You stammered out some enthusiastic words before quickly walking towards the door and letting yourself out. Lucifer never stepped away from his work, letting you uncomfortably leave without a word.

The weekend goes quickly, and yet your first week working as Lucifer's assistant goes by slowly. He meant what he said. You simply sat at the desk right outside his office and managed to take one call the entire week. It was spam. You really couldn't complain much, though. You sat there and doodled, or read a book, or kept yourself busy with some other meaningless task and got paid well for it.

Very Well.

You thought that working at a job like this for even a single year would leave you with enough money to live comfortably in Hell, which was saying something. Lillith occasionally came by to ask how the king was, but you were given scripted answers by Lucifer for almost all her questions. You'd say things that made it sound like you were taking on as much work as possible, giving the Queen some sort of satisfaction with your employment.

Your relationship with Lucifer was distant for the first few years you knew him. But, about 5 years into this job, you actually felt well versed in your work. After he trusted you with at least filing things away, you became very familiar with his documents. So, when Lillith suddenly disappeared and Lucifer fell into a depression, you adjusted quickly to pick up anything he couldn't handle. He was frustrated that you were taking initiative but softened at the sight of how well you managed to get everything done.

As his mentality began to improve, he'd take on some paperwork that you would do, finally giving you a chance to breathe. No wonder Lillith insisted on getting him help. He had quite the workload.

After things were settled a bit more, it became easier to try and chat with him. You had brought him a pot of tea at some point, which quickly became a routine after you saw how much he appreciated it. Then as time went on, you'd bring two cups with you, sharing his free time.

You became closer during Lillith's absence, being the only person who saw him on the daily. You'd been there for his angry fits when something especially frustrating would occur. Or when work became too much, it led to a vulnerable display of misery that you had to be careful around.

On a certain day, you finally commented on Lucifer's depressed state. He was quick to open up to you, being too exhausted to consider the repercussions of sharing such intimate thoughts. That was the night you learned that Lillith had just disappeared. She left a note that instructed him to take care of Charlie, but there was no indication of her returning. He was such a kind soul, it twisted your heart seeing him suffer this much.

After that, things started to become more casual between the two of you. You'd handle his work with ease, and he appreciated you more than you'd ever know. Such a hard worker sticking by his side through all of it, it filled his head with a cluster of thoughts that he never had time to entertain. You were pleased to be able to call him a friend after all this time.

It's been 7 years since Lillith disappeared, and things had settled into a routine. You would do your work, ask him questions if needed, and spend your break time drinking tea and discussing personal projects or what your life was like. The few joyful stories you had would almost bring him to tears, considering he never was able to see what free will did for humans on Earth after all this time.

One morning, you heard him taking a phone call before a chipper Lucifer kicking open his office doors. You jumped, the wind blowing some papers away from in front of you.

"Damn it!" You huffed, quick to lean down to collect the mess he made.

"Clear my schedule for the rest of the day, sweatheart! My daughter wants to see me!" He spoke with pride, adjusting his bowtie and taking a deep breath to attempt to ease his nerves.

"Hey, that's great! I'll cancel your meetings. I'm glad to see that you two are finally getting in touch again." You smiled sincerely as you stood in front of him. You towered over him by just a few inches. You gave a quick swipe off his shoulders, clearinv some barely noticeable dust from his coat. He was quick to step away, not expecting the sudden touch. That was definitely something you picked up on; that he didn't really understand how to react to touch after Lillith left.

"Y-Yes, very good. I'll be getting ready if you need me." He stammered out, sending you awkward finger guns before making his way down the hall. You always loved seeing him flustered.

As you tried to get work done, you really couldn't keep your mind straight. You finally put some paperwork down after re-reading the same sentence over and over, realizing you weren't getting anywhere. You let out a huff and made your way to Lucifer's room.

He'd let you into his bedroom a handful of times over the years to pack his bags for trips that would take a few days or to bring him tea. There were a few times where you'd let yourself in, like taking care of him when he would get sick - no matter how much he insisted he didnt need the care - or if you felt he could benefit from talking something out.

You knocked lightly, but not getting a response for a while, you peaked your head inside carefully. He was pacing his room, multiple suits hanging in front of him on a rack and clothes piling up on the floors.

"Oh geez.. Lucifer, can I come in?" You asked out loud, your head already peaking in.

"Fuck! Ooh, sure! Yup! One.. Second..." You tried not to watch him portal away the mess, pushing random items inside before quickly snapping it away. He leaned on his desk, trying to seem unphased as you stepped inside. "Aaand what can i do for you, my dear?" He spoke as if he hadn't been a fumbling mess for the past half hour, but you could tell almost immediately.

"I just - I wanted to tell you how proud I am. I know you've had a rough couple of.. centuries... but I also know how much Charlie means to you, so I'm glad you're finally getting to see her work. I'm sure she looks up to you, no matter what you think of yourself." You looked away, shyly rubbing your arm for some sort of comfort, hoping that you weren't overstepping any boundaries. You weren't exactly looking in his direction when you spoke, so you didn't expect a sudden hand to take yours, running a thumb across your knuckles gently. You immediately perked up.

"Thank you.. You always know just what to say to calm me down, huh?" He sent you a sweet smile. It was clear that he was struggling to keep tears from welling in his eyes, the sentiment just too much for him to handle. He let out a quick sigh before giving your hand a small squeeze and letting it drop. Your eyes widened, and your face turned red. This was a big step. Even after all these years, he rarely made any physical contact with you.

"So! I guess now that you're here, I might need some help with - uh.. suits! W-What to wear.." He picked up on your flustered expression and was quick to change the topic. Snapping his fingers, he let the previous portal reappear. Clothes, accessories, and a full rack of suits fell out like a closet door that had burst open. You both stood in silence for a moment before you broke it with a snort, covering your smile immediately.

As soon as he returned, Lucifer immediately updated you on how the visit went. It was a long vent about some obnoxious red-headed demon, Charlie's clearly angelic girlfriend, and the sudden fear of having to contact Heaven and schedule the meeting.

"I've got it, sir. You know they seem to tolerate me more than you for some reason." You grin wickedly, flipping your hair to display confidence. He let out a soft chuckle and gave you a quick pat on the shoulder before heading back to his room.

It took all your strength not to follow him.

A few months had passed, and you had to pick up some more work than usual due to Lucifer being busy with the construction of the hotel that had been demolished. After it was completely done, you noticed that the building had an apple shaped tower. You confronted the king before he nervously admitted to moving into the hotel to be closer to Charlie.

"Oh! That's.. yeah, that's great, sir! I should be fine here, i've been handling it pretty well so far, right? I'll be fine." Your final statement was more for yourself than him.

"What? You're not joining me? I still have an office, and even if it's a bit smaller, i still expect you to come work for me. There's plenty of rooms, too, if you want to stay nearby. But, hey - if you'd rather stay here then - "

"No! I'll go to the hotel!" You quickly blurted out, seeing a sly grin across his face. Oh, he totally did that on purpose. You let out a groan and rolled your eyes, trying to conceal the light blush creeping across your face.

So, that was that. You were quick to settle into the hotel, meeting and bonding with the staff easily. Lucifer had told you so much about them that you could nearly recognize them through their appearance alone. Charlie was the easiest. She had plenty of pictures in the castle and looked just like her father. Once you had settled into your room that was just a few yards away from Lucifers office, you heard a quick knock. You opened the door to Charlie's bright face.

"Hi! I hope you're settling in okay! I don't know how much my dad's told you about my project, but.. if you're interested  - " She holds out a pamphlet, Redemption written across the top of it. " - you're totally welcome to join us!"

You take it with a smile before shutting your door again. You skimmed through it, getting the jist. It made you think of your parents. You hadn't seen them down here, luckily, so you wondered if they'd be in Heaven. You never had the best relationship, but they were family at the end of the day. Maybe it was something to consider.

The work environment was changing. Lucifer handled more hands on tasks, so you saw him less than before. You helped with anything Charlie or Lucifer needed, but still mainly stayed at your desk to finish some routine work. In your free time, you attended exercises and hung around with the other guests. You really only interacted with Lucifer for the past decade, so getting out and talking to others was a nice change.

Every so often, you'd get a chance to chat with Lucifer. When you entered the office in the morning and saw him working at his desk, you quickly whipped up some tea at the heated pad that was added to the office for this exact reason. You took any chance you could catch up with him. Placing the cups on his desk and filling them both, he almost jumped, clearly invested in this letter he was reading.

"Thank you.. how've you been doing? I know we don't get much tea time anymore - " he childishly clinks your cups together before taking a sip, " - but.. just been busy... Sorry." He said softly, his smile slightly drooping as he spoke.

You quickly swallow your tea to reassure him," Mm! Don't be sorry, I knew things would be different here, I don't mind! And besides, Charlie's been keeping me busy with the whole redemption thing. It's kinda fun, everyone here is really sweet." You spoke, going into detail about some of the exercises that went on and how they would play out. His smile never really picked up, he would simply nod and continued to sip his tea as you went on.

"Well - Glad you're having.. fun... I suppose." He glanced at a calendar sitting on his desk for just a moment, before letting out a shaky breath.

"Your highness? Is everything okay?" You immediately noticed his dismissive attitude, before placing your empty cup on his desk.

"It's Lucifer, remember? You've known me too long to keep calling me your highness." He cringed at the title, making quotation marks as he said it. He stood from his seat with a stretch. You had little room between the two of you when he stood up, making you stumble back a bit. He patted your shoulder, a gesture that became comforting throughout the recent months. His hand lingered a bit longer than usual. He stepped away, leaving the office to do some kind of task you weren't paying attention to.

"O-Okay..! I'll see you around then, Lucifer!" You nearly shouted his name, hoping he'd hear it even though he was down the hall at this point. He heard it. And boy, did he regret telling you to do that. He covered his red face as he turned the corner out of your view.

A few weeks had passed, and you really didnt see Lucifer around at all. Every time you went into the office, he seemed to just be heading out. Maybe it was just bad luck. But you went on with your routine, even without seeing him as much as you'd like.

With the stress of not seeing Lucifer and a particularly rough day, you struggled to walk to your room. Fumbling in your pocket for your room key, you caught a glimpse of the devil himself leaving his office.

"Lucifer!"

You called out, almost sounding relieved. He shot his eyes up to look at you, sending you a nervous smile and a little wave. You stumbled over yourself a bit to catch up to him, stopping him where he stands.

"How have things been going? You wouldn't happen to have time for some tea, would you? I'd love to get some updates!" Even with a drained social battery, you wanted nothing more than to be in his presence right now.

"O-Oh! U-Uh.. sure, i'll get it started, I have some time.." he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, turning back towards the office.

"Great! I'll be there in a second, okay?" You cheerfully went back to your room, not noticing his nervous expressions as he spoke to you.

You took a few minutes to change into some comfortable clothes. Sure, you looked great in business casual, but nothing could beat a cropped t-shirt and pair of sweat pants that bagged loosely around your hips. Lucifer's seen you this way a few times. sometimes, late night projects needed to be worked on and he would always insist that you work in something comfortable, knowing it would take a while to finish.

So you had no issue when you reentered the office, shutting the door behind you.

He desperately tried to keep his eyes away from your mid drift, looking back towards the boiling water on the heated pad in front of him. His vest was undone and his coat was hung up nearby. He had rolled his sleeves up, and stood at the counter with his hands placed on his hips. You took in his appearance, feeling a bit better that he wasnt completely put together either.

"So? How's.. how's your day been?" He asked in a hushed voice, keeping his face completely out of view.

"It's been kind of a rough day, actually.. Charlie needed some help with some new residents, so I had to give a few tours. Which i don't mind of course, but fuck does that take more energy than i have. And some of the demons were looking at me funny, so I had to get out of their fast. Angel hid me in the library for hours! It was fine, though. Besides, it was fun to hang out with him. Oh, and Charlie says i'm making good process, too! That was a good pick-me-up." You said your last sentence with pride, puffing out your chest a bit.

"Fuck!"

You quickly drop your eyes to see Lucifer hunched over, clutching his hand with a hiss. You see the tea pot boiling over and quickly rush over to unplug the heated pad.

"Lucifer, be careful, geez! Is this why i make tea all the time? Can't handle it?" You teased, taking a towel to clean up the small amount of hot water sitting on the counter. Finally seeing the damage, you see a burn forming along the palm of his hand. You look at him for a moment, hovering your hand just over his wrist. He nods to you then looks away, letting you take a soft grasp onto his wrist amd leading it over to the accompanying sink just a few feet away. You held his hand under the faucet, letting a slow stream of cold water run over his hand. He flinches at the sensation, but immediately relaxes once he realizes how much of a relief it was.

"Are you okay?" You asked softly, leaning against the counter with your head cocked to the side. "Maybe it's just because you've been so busy, but i feel like something.. happened. Do you wanna talk to me?" You offered your help, but made it clear that he didnt need to open up if he wasnt ready. It was one of the boundaries you respected that he appreciated so much.

"It's- yeah. I'm fine. Things are going well, right? We have residents, Charlie's getting some good progress apparently, and Heaven's finally keeping us updated on the redeemed souls.. so, it's all good! Just needs a little elbow grease to keep this ship running, right? Nothin' the king of hell can't handle." He spoke smugly.

"Sure! It's great that the hotel's doing well. But I asked how you're doing." You clarified for him, crossing your arms across your chest. He groaned, placing his weight on his elbow on the counter and leaning forward, his hand still shifting under the running water.

"I-I'm.. it's..." he stammered and struggled to piece together his thoughts." It's... been almost 15 years. Since I hired you. Did you know that? Even after Lillith left, you still stuck around and took care of me.. I'm such a mess, why do you still take care of me..?" He mumbled his words, as if he never really wanted you to hear them.

 "I guess it has been, huh? Best decision of my life, really. I mean you pay me way too much, but.. I also got to make a friend, too. I'll be here for you no matter what, Lucifer. You're not a mess, you're doing great." You smiled at him, shifting your position to place a hand on his shoulder. He lets out a shaky breath, leaning his head towards your hand. His cheek brushed against the top of your hand, in a sort of caressing motion. You pulled away, out of shock, your hands enclosed in front of your chest. He looked up to see your eyes wide open and your body suddenly tense. He opened his mouth, as if to apologize, but stops to think for a moment instead.

He keeps his eye contact, taking a hold of your hand again, and pressing a small kiss on your knuckles, before leaving it in front of his lips. You felt his breath against your hand as he finally gets the courage to speak.

"You'll be here no matter what, huh? So.. If i were to ask you to... stay - I mean you don't have to say yes, but.. hypothetically... if i asked..." he spoke slowly, like he was still searching for the words as he said them out loud.

You melted at his sudden affection, your knuckles tingling from the sensation of his lips and breath against your hand. It was only after he spoke, you pulled your hand away from him carefully.

"What..? You mean like... stay in Hell? I don't - Lucifer, i'm confused. I've been working with Charlie for almost six months, you know? What's going on?" You sounded almost frightened, and it sent a pang to Lucifer's heart. He turned the sink off, beginning to rub the water off his hand. He hissed, the friction just causing more irration. Your instinct to aid him took over. You took the towel in one hand and his burned hand in the other, lightly dabbing the towel against the tender skin.

"Well, i said it was hypothetical, didnt I? What.. what would you say? Would you stay?" You paused with your hand holding his wrist, looking dwon at the calmed burn.

"Hypothetically? I don't.. I don't know, Lucifer.. I know Charlie could always use extra hands, and... you'd have to hire someone else, which would be a hassle - " he cringed at the thought of hiring someone else once it was said outloud.

"Exactly! See? You get it! I - We need as much help as we can get for the hotel, so.. maybe try to stick around. You've been too useful to keep doing this silly exercises, don't you think?" He was panicking. You could hear him desperately trying to come up with any excuse under the sun, but it still caused you to tense up. Your body curled into itself and you stepped back a bit, looking at him with such a purplexed expression that even he didnt understand what he was saying.

"Lucifer, I know your work is important and I know how much you want to support Charlie, but.. she said i'm doing it. That I might have a chance to go up to Heaven! Isn't that the whole point of being here? Isn't that what you want?"

His eye twitched at your words and he was quick to change his temper.

"No! It's not! That's not why you're here..! You're here, because I need you - need you to keep working for me! You're here because I brought you here. You know, the last redeemed soul was only here for six months, too! You could disappear at any second!" His voice sounded stern, but it was clear his intentions dripped of desperation. It still hurt you nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, but what the fuck?? I'm doing all the activities and making friends here, I thought you'd be happy about that! I've supported you through so much and even though you're acting this way, i always will! I thought you'd do the same!" You began to pace the office, your breath hitching a bit as you spoke. You tried your hardest not to let the tears in your eyes well up. Not wanting to let Lucifer see you in this state, you began to leave the office, quickly opening the door.

"No! Wait! I can't - I-I don't know how to - " He still struggled to get a coherent sentence out as you turned to face him one last time.

"Sir - "

" I told you not to call me that..!" He clenched his fists at the term.

"No. I can't do this while you're acting like this. I'll give you some space, let you figure out.. whatever's going on with you, then... we can talk. But if you decide that this is all you have to say, then I'll be continuing my work with you and Charlie, as usual. Goodnight, Sir."

You couldn't help but let your voice crack as you spoke. The idea of just moving past this sudden outburst hurt, but you knew that sometimes he just needed that space. And you hated to admit that you could use the space as well. You were supposed to be the calm and collected assistant, right? You were his anchor for a lot of the struggles he'd seen throughout the years and he confided so much in you.

What the fuck was his problem?

---

A few hours had passed, it gave both of you time to calm down from the heated discussion. Lucifer found himself right in front of your room, still without the strength to knock on your door. He took a deep breath in and held it in his chest before finally reaching foward. Before he even got the chance, the door swung open, smacking the air from his lungs. You both make sudden eye contact with eachother before Lucifer was hunched over coughing out the wind that was just knocked out of him. You cover your smile with your hand, pulling away from the door to open it fully.

"I guess you really are a mess, Lucifer.. what do you need?" You couldn't help but giggle when he lost his composure like this, it lightened your mood for a moment.

"Ahha.. you know me so well. I-I want to talk to you, you deserve an apology.." His voice was quiet, but you knew it was sincere. You stepped to the side, allowing him to enter your room.

"Okay, just - let me get through this, alright?" He took in a deep breath and spoke quickly,

"I don't understand why you want to go to Heaven. I told you about it in the past, you know how awful they are.. the rules and the limitations, fuck! They've done nothing but hurt me and fuck up everything going on down here. You couldve died you know! If you werent working for me and were just wandering the streets, you couldve been killed in any of those exterminations! I can't lose you! I-I - " you immediately noticed him losing his train of thought, and take a soft grip on his wrist in an attempt to ground him.

"I think my parents are up there, sir- Lucifer.."

He stops where he's at and looks towards you, before walking backwards and plopping down at the bench in front of your vanity.

"I-I didn't know. I never thought about-"

" - why i'd want to be redeemed? This isn't about wanting to leave you, I just.. i didnt realize this was an option, you know? That i might get to see them, again.."

Just for your own comfort, you shifted your grasp from his wrist to his hand, running your thumb across his palm lightly. The motion made him shiver slightly, still a bit sensitive from the burn.

"I didn't know you'd want to see them, i'm sorry.. you don't really talk about them much, so i thought..."

"No, you're right I didn't really have a good relationship with them, but it'd be nice to know theyre happy still, right? That all that time they spent working to keep me in school was worth it.. don't i owe them that?" He took a moment to process your words, his fingers slowly curling around your hand.

"I mean, you don't owe them anything, really. I have to ask, when's the last time you did something.. for yourself? You've been working for me for years and even here, it sounds like you're.. Ah, I'm sorry, i don't know what i'm saying - ". He always struggled with reading emotions, but even he could tell that that his words struck a nerve.

He looked away, dreading the silence that followed. What he wasn't expecting was the small hic and sniffles that suddenly came from your direction. He almost panicked, his eyes darting around the room for anything that seemed like a solution. He quickly stood up and hesitantly reached towards your face, just lightly brushing the tears that had streaked down your reddened cheeks.

"I-I don't know... I don't need much and I'm happy doing whatever you need me to, usually, so - I'll just keep doing that, okay? I-I'll stay.."

He groans and cringes at your words, before lifting your head to meet his eyes, his hands softly cupping your cheeks as he continued to wipe the tears still falling from your eyes.

"If you want to go to Heaven, I can't stop you. I-I won't stop you. But I also want you to.. be happy. I'm sorry about earlier, I never wanted to make any of this harder for you. You've done so much for me, sweetheart, I was scared of losing.. you... But I can handle myself, I promise. I mean, i'm a 10,000 year old demon with more power than I know what to do with. I'll be okay." He spoke sweetly, finally managing to let out a coherent thought. You melted into his touch, placing your hands overtop of his. Your eyes fluttered shut, allowing the last few tears to drip down.

"I know. I mean, sometimes I don't - sometimes it feels good to be able to help you so much - but I know you'll be fine." Your voice had a hint of hesitation. It was a relief to get some sort of resolve out of this conversation, but deep down, it felt as if you were deemed worthless. After all these years, he's saying he'd he fine if you went on to pursue other things, but why does that hurt?

"You asked when.. when was the last time I did something for myself. Honestly, I feel selfish. I feel like I've spent all this time taking care of you, because I like... feeling needed. I like that you ask me what to wear when you're nervous, or that you let me handle some of your more obnoxious clients just so you don't have to, I- I love it, actually. I love - being with you." You didn't realize you let out a mild confession, until you looked back to Lucifer to see his incredibly nervous expression. He was holding his breath, eyes impossibly wide as he bites his lower lip to prevent a quiver. He finally gulped before looking away and rocking back and forth on his heels.

"W-Well then! Self care at its finest, am I right? Ahha.. that's great how selfish you are! Self-selfless! Very selfless actually, I.. I really appreciate that you enjoy being around - enjoy my company..!" You watch him whip his hands behind his back, defaulting to the nervous mess he usually became when racked with a stressful situation.

"Oh! Lucifer, I'm sorry, that was a lot, I don't want you to feel like you have to - " A red clawed finger quickly hits your lips, and you see him with a lovely flustered expression. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, finger still uncomfortably pressed to your mouth.

"Can I- would you let me just- Fuck.. can I do something?" He blurted out. He was always so easy to read, but you prayed you weren't misunderstanding when you took a hold of his hand and pressed a small kiss to the tip of his finger that had lingered over your lips until now. He let's out a nervous chuckle and you hear an audible gulp as he moves his hands back to your cheeks, pulling your face down slightly to be able to meet his gaze. You can feel his heavy breath against your lips, suddenly realizing how close he actually was. In a quick motion, you pressed another small kiss onto his lips. You felt his hands jump at the sudden interaction, and tried your hardest to keep a smile from creeping on your face.

He let out a quick breath before planting a shaky kiss onto your lips, lingering for a moment longer this time. It still wasn't a lengthy kiss, but it was more than he could manage before stepping away for a moment, overwhelmed by your presence. This finally gave you a good look at him, a bright pink flush covered his face, and a small sheen from the lipgloss you forgot you were wearing appeared on his lips.

"You're so pretty, Lucifer." You spoke boldly, a suddern surge of confidence hitting you, just seeing him in this state.

"Can we keep going..?" You asked softly, taking a seat on the edge of your bed. He pulls at his collar, attempting to let any cool air hit his heated skin to try and calm him down. It's been a long time for him, sure, but considering the previous discussion, hearing you say you loved being around him, was enough to give him the confidence to nod along and sit next to you. You took a hold of his cheek and turned his head to face yours.

"I'll only do what you're comfortable with okay? We can stop whenever you need to." Your voice was sweet, your thumb beginning to run across his bottom lip as you spoke. He struggled to keep his eyes open, melting into your touch, and propped his hand on your arm to keep himself upright. He nodded slowly, finally letting his eyes droop close as you bring him into another kiss. You were definitely more confident than he was in this moment, or maybe it was just repressed excitement for an opportunity like this to happen. With your thumb still holding his bottom lip slightly ajar, you kissed along the each corner of his mouth before leaving an open mouthed kiss right on his lips. You pulled your hand away to place it gently on his leg as you pull yourself closer.

Finally pulling away to catch your breath, you look at Lucifer, who's still holding his eyes tightly shut. Each move you made, made him jump.

"Lucifer, Hey, open up." You laugh as you speak, brushing a few strands of golden hair away from his eyes. "Are you okay? Do you need a break?" His eyes finally shot open hearing your words. The thought of stopping must have startled him. You feel his lips crash against yours, a stark contrast to the gentleness you were giving him moments ago. He shifts to sit on his knees on your bed, keeping himself close to you by propping his hands on either side of your legs. You let out a surprised yelp, quick to catch up with his sloppy kiss. It became more tender as time went on, plus taking the lead again made it a bit easier to control his nervous movements.

His hands moved up to sit on your thighs, mostly to make himself more comfortable at this mildly awkward position. But it still gave you butterflies to feel his hands on you.

You pulled away yet again, taking a moment to breathe and to simply look at his expression. His eyes were watery, possibly from the emotional stress of the past few days, possibly from his excitement alone. You pressed your hand against his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm. He tightened his grip on your thighs, as if you could disapear at any moment. And it scared him to consider that a possibility. Your mind finally caught up to the problem at hand, seeing him in this state and considering the heated conversation from before.

You pull him in one final time, a deep kiss that seemed to melt his nerves away. Then, you simply brought him into a tight embrace, your hands wrapping around his shoulders and gripping at his vest. For some reason, this startled him more than any of your previous interactions. He was hesitant at first, but still shifted to comfortably wrap his arms around your waist and pull you impossibly closer.

"This is a big decision, Lucifer. I have alot to think about, and it isnt really your fault, but this definitely doesn't make things easier.." you muffled your words into the crook of his neck letting out a shakey breath. He could feel your chest shake a bit due to your close proximity.

"I know, I'm sorry. I might have gotta a little carried away there." He responded. The position the two of you were in let his words pass dangerously close to your ear. You shutter slightly, unconciously leaning into the sensation.

"I'll make sure this is what I want, okay? I promise."

He nods, which you felt in the form of his hair brushing against the side of your face. Lucifer let his head fall down onto your shoulder, taking in the moment while it lasted.

Because, who knows how long this could last?

♡♡♡

FUCK this was angsty my bad. I had this prompt in my notes for days and I still honestly don't know how to properly end it, but i'll make a part 2 eventually.

Accidentally put a lot of personal insecurities in this one 🙃

Hope you enjoyed :)

P.S I have been getting your requests and i'll start them up soon! Just had to finish this one up first!

[bonny-kookoo]

Can we get cherry jks reaction when Mc finally shows her tattoo to jk😊 thanks

A/N: Warnings for sexual tension

"So." He grins.

"..So." You parrot back, though not as confident.

You're both sitting on his couch again, facing each other. Suddenly, you feel odd. What if he's disappointed by your body? What if he thinks you're a lot prettier than you actually are? And what if he thinks your tattoo is stupid, badly made, or doesn't suit you?

"Do you wanna.. take it off yourself, or..?" He wonders casually, leaning his head a bit to the side.

"..you." You point towards him, unable to really bring yourself to undress. It's not even all that bad- he's gonna be able to see the tattoo without you taking off your bra anyways. You're not gonna have to get naked.

But you kind of want to be, just to see what he thinks of you.

He's clearly scanning your face and rest of you for any sign of discomfort as he scoots closer to you, fingers pulling your shirt out from where you had it tucked into your shorts, before he slowly lifts it up, your hands lift to make it easier for him to pull it over your head.

Of course your underwear would be cute- lace rim sitting snug against your skin, little bows placed right where the straps begin, one singular one right in between the two cups that hold your tits all securely inside.

He actually thought about what they maybe look like. He didn't think they'd look this pretty.

"Can I touch you?" He wonders, and you shrug, before nodding, his hands surprisingly warm as he smiles, before he leans in a little closer. "Lay back for me a little, yeah?" He asks, voice lower than before, less clear, a lot more breathy. You nod, letting him help you lay back down as he sits right over your legs, knees digging into the couch below so that he doesn't put his weight on you.

He pushes up the hem under your bra, but you notice he's struggling a little not to go too far-

so you move your hands and unhook the back of your bra, catching him off guard as his hands leave you, eyes wide open before he laughs, face resting on your stomach, exhale from his nose tickling your skin.

"God damnit woman, give a man a warning!" He scolds, looking back up at you. "I thought I broke it!" He complains, causing you to laugh as well now.

"Sorry." You apologize, and he shakes his head, before he looks back at you. "You can take it off too." You approve, and he licks his lips, gaze now darkening quite a bit at the prospect of being allowed to do something like that.

He looks almost concentrated as he rids you off your underwear, leaving it to hang over the backrest of the couch to not get lost.

"That's, without exaggeration-" He says, leaning back a bit to look at you. "-the best pair of tits I've ever seen." He nods, playfully acting impressed, like an art-critic looking at a painting revealed. "Like, I know I'm supposed to look at the tattoo but wow.. can I touch them?" He wonders, and you nod- his entire demeanor making you feel awfully comfortable.

His palms immediately take the place of your bra earlier, and he personally thinks his hands are a way better fit and sight than the undergarment.

But maybe that's just him.

The moment he finds the tattoo however, he's interested. Fine lines, some already quite faded, no shadowing whatsoever. It's a simple flower design, very pretty, doesn't need any bold colors or more additions to it.

It's fine as it is. Fits you perfectly.

"I could re-trace those lines here. They're almost invisible- which happens a lot with fine line artworks.." He mumbles, before he notices your thighs move together.

Oh?

One look up reveals your flushed face, and only now does he notice the way his fingers must've continuously brushed over your by now hardened nipples. "But maybe I gotta get more familiar with... the client first." he purrs, hands moving as his body moves to lay lower, now his chin touching your stomach. "Hm?" He wonders, and you whine, unsure what to ask for.

How far does he want to even go? Does he want full on sex, or is he still only teasing you?

"Did you know that some girls can cum from only getting their tits touched?" He asks you boldly, and you shake your head, making him grin, before he runs his thumbs over your sensitive buds, a kiss placed right up onto the lowest part of your sternum.

"Wanna see if you're one of them?"

[izpira-se-zlato]

Milan, 27.03.24

Gig report! Can't believe there's only two to go after this one :o (for me)

I showed up at 4:45pm (bc I'd chosen to get food at the station) and was still a lower number than in Munich at 2pm. Yeah.

didn't really queue thus, which always makes gigs a bit… different. I miss chatting with people before gigs, but I hadn't wanted to fly (even though after the venue move that would have been even easier. But also catching a 7:30 flight the morning after a gig. Yeah, no)

the queue kinda fell apart because you needed a membership card to get into the venue. We didn't have to pay. But they had to handwrite it for us. Emotions ran a little high

the venue was. Something. Sorta a… festival tent? Not quite outdoors, but definitely Interesting

due to the proximity to the airport, the radio frequencies from planes kept interfering with the equipment. Bojan attempted to explain it to us, but he didn't know it himself and thus mostly listened. I feared for the worst at that point, ngl. They didn't look particularly angry to me, but Bojan was like, "Don't be angry, Jan!" so I was like 😬

Bojan tried to get Jure and then also Nace to jam while they were figuring out their tech issues (Always Something Problem), but it meant Jan couldn't hear himself enough and so we just watched him wander on stage while Bojan tried to entertain us

We got ASTP and Proti Toku for soundchek. My first ASTP in 12 gigs on this tour! Curious to see what we'll get today

Bojan repeatedly called Jan "Jenzo" and then later claimed "Just so you know, Jan's Italian name is Jenzo!" with which the crowd disagreed (and let him know that it should be Gianni)

soundcheck was pretty cold and I almost regretted not having taken my jacket (but it did warm up)

the opener was a brass band. Unexpected but actually fun. Fit the gig, somehow

they played a lot of medleys of known songs and the crowd was pretty into it

JC! God, I barely can believe that it was the second-to-last tie I saw him live like that. I love his acoustic set a lot (in particular the first and last songs xD)

He accidentally unplugged his guitar last night. Kinda a funny moment

pretty sure the hype list was changed. Dirty Little Secret made it into the cut, and to our surprise, Zitti e Buoni didn't. Weird choice, Primož (or so I assume)

Actual gig!

We got Jan in a capybaster shirt and Nace in the cosy sweater and Bojan in a buttoned shirt he got gifted during soundcheck and Jure in the gorgeous metallic sweater and Kris in another cozy sweater

The Jance was off the fucking charts, jfc I hate them idk what was in the air. Probably hadn't seen each other all day (I'm not actually complaining)

We got SSOL opener into… Ne Bi Smel into Ona into Tokio

During Ne Bi Smel Jan was standing in front of Nace's mic so Nace had to push him away to sing the backing vocals (grinning all the while)

Bojan went, "This night is gonna be multilingual" so I was like, oh, Tokio, but no! "We had English, then Slovene, now we're gonna add some Serbian!" Changing his quips for the final stretch, huh?

Nace singing fucking "Dok tebe sunce greje, mi amore" at Jan. I hate him (While the sun warms you up, my love, according to lyrics translate)

They also played at each other during NBS because of course they did

Jan back on Jure's snare drum for the end. Multi-instrumentalist

Tokio! I didn't catch it on video, but Nace leaned in and bumped his nose into Jan's breast? Kissed his coat? I have no clue what he did but I was like ??? Nace?

At the end, they chased each ohter in circles again, and Nace either went down on one knee in front of Jan or almost did so. When the lights came back on, Nace patted Jan's chest while laughing (couldn't make out Jan's expression)

before NGVOT, Nace was thrown bread. A plushie? Actual bread? I don't know

Nace kept looking over at Jan during NGVOT, and when Jan finally met his gaze, he turned to him so they played at each other. Jan was making a mock-surprised grimacing face and playing? And then they just. Turned back to the front. What the fuck, guys

they just. kept looking at each other. Jan looking at Nace while Nace was doing backing vocals. Nace looking back as soon as he was done. Them swaying in sync while Nace smiled smugly about it. And at the end, they did the swaying like. In opposite cycles? So both sawying in and both swaying away, until Nace turned and bent his knees a little and yelled up into Jan's face. Yeah idk.

we didn't only get Bluza but got it before Šta bih ja

Kris came over to hug Jan during Bluza 🥰😭

Jan's expressions during the ending were. Something 😂

more silliness from Jan and Nace during Šta bih ja

Bojan: "This is a new song! Why do you know it"

also uh. Synchronised hip thrusting while facing each other at the end of the song. Yeah. Jfc remember you're on a stage, guys

Jan either messed up the opening of Demoni or his guitar gave out for a hot second but he was wearing a very oops expression

Jan grasped Nace's shoulders during Demoni and I think spoke the words at him? Or said something else? But that wouldn't make sense? Nace nodded and patted Jan's chest in turn

Got the Demoni scream

PiJano Padam. Bojan looked really tired during that song. Jfc get this man to take a break

Intense staring at each other at the beginning of Umazane until Nace said something to Jan and then both grinned and Nace wandered off

Nace was pretty silly at the start of the karaoke bit and like. gestured at Jan theatrically and then mimed falling over. Dork

We got the OG OG Umazane Misli chorus. The one Bojan wrote in a hurry the first time they performed it. Made my night -- and Kris's because it's where the very smiley/laughing Kris pics during UM came from

@kurooscoffee/@jokeroutsubs had prepared UNO reserve cards to make the boys sing. Which made the rounds already but gaaah it was !!!!!!

Jan declaiming the verse because "[he] can't sing so [he's] not gonna sing. [He's] gonna interpret it." And interpret he did😂

Nace with the "oh oh" before he started jfc the dork

Jan ducking under Nace's arm to play his bass after he failed to catch Nace's attention to offer, and then just. Going for it.

Nace slinging an arm around Jan

Nace singing "morning smells like you" right at Jan while Jan keeps looking up at him from playing chords on Nace's bass

Kris "Jan! Play, play the melody, I need the harmony!" (and Jan did)

god we need more Kris singing plssss

Kris sang the verse mostly at Nace

Jure going "oooh fuck!" and not knowing the entire lyrics 😂😂 Jance this and Jance that, but that made my night

I didn't see Bojan at barricade cheering his band mates on but he was and just. Gah. It was such a wholesome thing I hate them

Nace posed for pictures with a silly expression, and then Jance posed for a combined heart for someone

Plastika saw Bojan caress Nace and then hug Jan from behind (no choking tho)

During Novi Val, Jance stood off to the side being Jance for quite a while, while Jure had his hand weirdly on Bojan's back?

They looked really exhausted by the end which. Mood.

Post gig:

The venue had a scrolling LED screen that scrolled "Everybody's Waiting At The Ball" (thanks, Kris, for the restory!)

Had a chat with Dean (lovely) and JC Stewart (also lovely) and learned that JC and Conor used to live together which is why JC was out with Conor to be introduced to the boys (allegedly before Christmas, though JC wasn't 100%)

hung around the gate after the show even though it was pretty clear they wouldn't say hi, but it gave us a chance to see Mark (who'd surprised the boys with a visit) as he was waiting for someone to let him off the venue grounds. "Well, they'll have to open this at some point, they ordered McDonald's!"

Spoiler: they did not open the gate for McDonalds. Primož tried to scale it, which almost worked but looked dangerous, and so the delivery person threw it over the top. It was a spectacle

by that point, Mark had been let out the old-fashioned way though

[everestica]

♕PM!Dazai x Fem!Reader: Too Late♕

♕ - Reader is described as Female, and Is Mori's assistant, Mori is only mentioned a couple times and there is a convo between Mori and Dazai (Elise is mentioned but nothing more then that). Dazai is a little creepy in this depending on how you interpret it (Following/Stalking Reader) A little bit of Angst at the end, and there will possibly be a part two if requested for!

 Dazai had always been by Mori’s side, at least as long as he could remember, but it was bound that he would find somebody to help him with easier stuff that Dazai never wanted to do, coffee runs, picking up medication, paperwork, etc. What he wasn’t expecting though was this smaller girl to be sitting next to him doing the paperwork as he was coloring with Elise instead, while it had confused the bandaged brunette he decided not to say anything. It had been like this for months and he would come in everyday and see the girl once again, doing some sort of work while Mori was either hanging out with Elise or not even there some days. So he finally decided to ask about it one day. The day that (Name) was out doing another medicine pickup run he walked in and started to question about her. 

Dazai: So. Who’s that girl you normally have in here?

Mori: Oh (Name)? She’s my new assistant, well not new at this point. 

Dazai: Why is she even here? You don’t need somebody like that. 

Mori: Well I make her do all the things that you don’t wanna do, you know the “boring stuff” as you call it. 

Dazai responds with silence as the girl comes back into the room, holding a small paper bag. She quickly walks past Dazai and sets the bag down near one of the shelves full of antibiotics, after she finishes putting it on the desk walks back out of the room before anybody can ask her anything. Of course out of curiosity Dazai follows her, wondering about what she does when she’s not with the boss, which isn’t too often. 

Again, months go by and Dazai continues to follow her after work, he soon finds out a lot, she’s poor, like dirt poor, probably why she works for the Port Mafia, especially a young age, finds actually how “sickeningly” sweet she is, definitely not a good fit for the Port Mafia, he tries to convince himself. Though there is one thing he can’t seem to get off his mind, the way that you still, even being dirt poor, have the heart of an angel. Making sure other people still eat, animals make it back to their family, risking even getting killed when helping other people who are much stronger than her in bad parts of town. He can’t seem to convince himself that he’s not in love. 

That’s right and it was crazy when some of his subordinates heard him complaining about it,

The Dazai Osamu, Youngest Port Mafia Executive, and Demon Prodigy, in love with some random girl who is just Mori’s helper.

It seemed weird to say out loud, sighing he decides that it’s no help just following you around and trying to figure something out about her, he has to actually take his chance before anybody else can, or worse. It does take a lot of time and consideration before he can actually even start a conversation with her, not only because you never know where she’s gonna be at a certain time but also, he has to plan this before he can just walk in.

Too bad the day that he was going to say something, another one of their new people, Chuuya Nakahara, Former King Of The Sheep, Beat him to it.

♛- Please if you are going to repost any of my works anywhere else, ask permission first! There will be almost a 100% chance that I will say yes as long as you just ask and give credit! Thank you for your understanding!

[aries-rising-on-an-aquarius-tide]

Now that Kelli has been gone for a bit, I feel like I can get this off my chest: Wolf Productions done fucked up.

Not for the first time, and not right from square one. But gosh, what a waste.

Kelli Giddish's Rollins was the only female character with the depth and acting chops behind her on the show since Cabot was a regular. She showed up and was able to go toe to toe with Mariska in carrying episodes - both personally related to her character, or to cases - not to mention had electric chemistry with Benson (sexual or not, take your pick).

With all the flack that SVU had taken over the years for not having a more diverse cast in regards to sexuality, Amanda was the earliest and best opportunity they had to develop a complex, interesting storyline of an adult woman coming to her sexuality late in life. I am not even necessarily the most ravenous Rolivia Shipper out there, but I'm heartbroken that they took Amanda's character over the years into the most boring, obvious, dissatisfying of directions.

I adored Amanda's wild/problematic side. Her episodes with her fighting with Amaro, dealing with her gambling addiction, shooting her sister's ex, or going rogue undercover are my favorite episodes of basically the last 10 yrs of the show. It was so good to finally have someone in the squad who was easier to relate to in a real-world sense. Someone who went to a Big Girl job in the day, but in the off hours was a mess with a rebellious streak.

It was always my hope that they would turn around the storylines where she seemed to chase men that were purposely bad for her, into a realization that it was because she was more emotionally into women. It fits so perfectly with her childhood, her background, and had ready-made holes in existing canon where they could have written it in with ease. (Pretending to be Liv's gf at the sperm bank, the remarks she makes in the episode Plastic, questioning her second pregnancy, etc.)

Instead, they had Carisi mope after her for years, all through the seasons where she showed no interest in him. I lost 50% of my respect for Carisi when he had that sulking tantrum after she fucked the bartender in Intent (a sexist double-standard btw, which would have never flown with fans if it had been Rollins pouting bc Carisi turned her down), and the other 50% after Carisi became ADA, with the writers seeming to then write him as rather victim-blaming.

The biggest irony, in my opinion, is that Dick Wolf complains that giving the fans EO will make the show too 'soap opera-y,' when what he/they did with Rollisi and Kelli's exit was far and away the most soap opera-esque thing they ever wrote! Fuck off with that obvious shit! Oh, the once-troubled blonde who is now straight as an arrow, rides off into the sunset with the Catholic altar boy and trades her powerful feminist position for a 9-5 (don't come for me, there's nothing wrong w being a professor, that's not the point here) and her two kids. Eat all of my ass, Mr. Cis-het, White, Only-Primetime-Billionaire Wolf. 🙄***

To make matters worse, they specifically brought in a POC actress to play a bisexual character, only to write her out as fast as possible for absolutely no discernable reason!?! The utter waste of what they did with Kat Tamin is an equal travesty. Give me Kat waking up in Amanda's bed. Give me Amanda making pancakes for breakfast and Kat carrying the kids to the table. Give me anything but the bullshit, Caucasian tripe that they sold us with Rollisi!!!

*takes deep breath*

And if - IF - the powers that be couldn't think beyond the end of an average-length cock when it came to Rollins, then for the love of all that is holy: her chemistry with Sergeant Khaldun was 1) vastly more believable 2) hotter 3) more diverse as an overall cast option and 4) less cringeworthily obvious.

I have loved SVU since I was 16 yrs old, and even though I gave up watching it around The People v. Richard Wheatley (for reasons unrelated to this specific rant), I still lurk in the background and keep myself vaguely caught up. But it's getting impossible to defend a lot of the choices they have made in the last three or four years. Good talent is so hard to hang onto these days in H'wood, and Dick Wolf seems just as, if not more, determined to fuck up his show as Chris Carter was in the 90s with TXF.

Thanks for coming to my TED Rant. 😮‍💨✌🏻

- HeartEyes4Mariska

***Not to mention the Barisi Shippers got robbed in the process.

[heartbreakgrill]

kol mikaelson; best friend’s brother, pt. 3- don’t you wait.

“i can be your friend, but that’s not what you want to hear. don’t you wait.”

a/n: angsty boi kol being angsty and cute; there will be one more part to this :,) love at first meeting tropes are my fav, can u tell??

"todays been long," i swallowed and allowed my body to slump forward, elbows planted on the table.

rebekah rested her chin on her fist. "i know. whose idea was it to make school start at 7:30am? i mean, im dead, and im tired."

i giggled at the sarcasm, "imagine being human."

rebekah made a face, "no, thanks. after that run-in with the cure, i've decided i somewhat enjoy being a vampire."

"well, good, considering you are one," i snickered. she flipped me off- a new trick i had taught her last week.

today was friday- which meant that, in 3 hours, i'd be headed to the mikaelsons to decorate. i didn't know if kol was going to pick me up. or i would have to walk in the rain. we hadn't messaged one another directly since wednesday.

of course, there was the group chat, with finn, klaus, kol, and elijah. we'd created it to solidify certain plans for the upcoming weekend. finn had a pretty great idea to take rebekah out of town for some supernatural conflict. it was a ploy, obviously. she'd get home from school, and they'd whisk her away. klaus thought it would be easier to dagger her for two days, but i quickly shot that idea down with, "this is a dagger free party zone."

thankfully, he got over the idea.

i didn't know what i'd done to upset kol so badly. but i'd felt incredibly anxious all week, thinking over every single thing i'd said and done to him on wednesday. but nothing stuck out to me. maybe he'd just been using me to plan to the party. maybe i had snored during my nap and he'd decided i was no longer attractive. but that felt incredibly childish for a 1,000 year old vampire.

"wanna hang this weekend?" rebekah snapped me out of my thought process.

i looked up at her, realized i was frowning, and straightened my gloomy posture. "oh, i don't know if i can," i scrunched my nose in apology.

rebekah rolled her eyes, "is it the guy? or work?"

i hesitated. i so wanted it to be because of the guy. i wish kol and i had longer than those two days to plan the party. i wanted to go for coffee again- wanted to sit in his car, listen to my music, and hear him complain about taylor swift again. wanted to watch him mumble the lyrics under his breath because he secretly liked her. but the jig was up at this point. i needed to ease myself out of that lie, considering kol and i were never going to have to sneak away again. not to mention the fact that he had threatened me. even if i had the option to be with him, i don't know that i would. any trust building between us was cleared.

"uh, work. yeah, i didn't really like that guy. he was kinda...toxic." i was still being honest.

rebekah tilted her head, examining my expression. "that's strange."

"what?"

rebekah took another swig of her water bottle, "i can smell your pheromones."

i widened my eyes suspiciously, "um. i'm not a bug, bek. i do- what?!"

rebekah cracked a knowing smirk, "i can smell it in your blood and on your skin. it's all you've smelled like all week. you do like him. a lot."

i went to reply, but my throat was frozen from any answer. my fingers fiddled with each other, red hot heat shooting down my body. "i don't know- what you're talking about."

i shoved a handful of pretzels into my mouth to avoid talking and screwing anything up.

rebekah trace her chin with the tip of her finger, thinking with a sly smile. "uh, yes, you do know what i am talking about. you like him; so why aren't you seeing him anymore? if he did something, tell me so i can kill him."

i swallowed thickly, nearly choking on the pretzels as they went down. "rebekah- i. ugh, he didn't do anything. i just don't think he's- a good fit? he has some major red flags."

rebekah replied, "you can tell all that from two dates? also, i have major red flags on a daily basis, and you still hang out with me. hell, if we were gay, we'd have eloped by now. why not give him a chance? why choose now to be picky?"

i began to explain the kol situation ambiguously. maybe her opinion would help me decide what to do. to forgive and forget, or hold a grudge- which would be so easy. "he doesn't like it when he can't be in control. like, he had to choose the coffee shop. and he had to pick where we sat-" i lied, speaking symbolically about the moment with kol in his car."he was just- bad boyish."

"i personally think you could use a little bad boy in your life, babes," she sipped at her drink, self-righteously smirking at me. "you're so cookie cutter- such a good little girl. i am a firm believer that we all need negative experiences to grow. besides, you might be able to help him. just be the strong independent woman that you are, and he'll have to kneel to your power. maybe the universe put you together so you can help him."

i glared at her, "rebekah, you are clinically insane. listen-" the lunch bell rang through my words, "i'm not gonna do any of that, but thank you. have a great weekend, and maybe we can do something sunday after i get off. goodbye, psycho!"

rebekah laughed after me as i left the lunchroom. i needed to catch my breath because what she was saying actually made sense. and it was hard to swallow. she was right.

i don't think kol is a bad person. i don't think most people are bad to the bone. human beings- yes, even dead vampires who aren't technically human- make mistakes. good people do bad things sometimes.

maybe he did need me. regardless of the fact that he was my best friend's brother, regardless of the fact that he had killed people- maybe he needed my kindness.

anger bests us, takes ahold of our better senses. it's only when we're mindful- a difficult, strenuous thing to do- are we able to look beyond the anger and control our situation and actions with kindness.

maybe if he apologized to me, things could be different. maybe he could prove to me that he wasn't that terrible person rebekah had described him as. this past week- besides that one moment in the car- he had been a different person than the reputation i knew. he was actually kind, with an actual personality, and a passionate listener. i think that deep down inside, his humanity needed to shove out of him, struggling against the darkest parts of him. like a bioluminescence on the bottom of the ocean floor. and i was scuba diving deeper.

i just had to decide if i wanted to keep swimming.

the final bell for the day was ringing as i slammed my locker door shut. slinging my backpack over my shoulder, i joined the throng of students leaving the building. my phone buzzed in the back of my jean pocket and i retrieved.

Kol :)- parked by the stadium.

my heart skipped a beat. there was something there. some humanity, even when he scared the hell out of me. because he was here to give me a ride to his house. because he was here.

i picked up my pace a little bit, ready and willing to see him. like rebekah said- i held the power. i needed to wield it.

when i stepped out of the doors to the school, i spotted his car right away. his hung head hung low, left elbow perched on the window sill and right hand slunk around the wheel. i contained the urge to grin at him and began to step out into the parking lot. i knew he could hear my heart beat and smell my blood- but he never looked up.

as i got closer to the car, my stomach sunk. he wasn't getting out to open the door. he wasn't lifting his head to smile at me. i hesitated, but opened the car door, and sat in the car. he still didn't look at me. instead, he waited a second for me to put my seatbelt on, and sped out of the parking lot.

i clutched my book bag, heart beating a little more rapidly. was he still angry with me? i suddenly didn't wanna be in the car with him- i didn't wanna be anywhere near him. i pushed my shoulder against the door and peeled my eyes off of him.

it was silent until we reached his house, for the sound of him opening and slamming the door shut penetrated the cold silence. he sped into the house within the blink of an eye. i watched as the front door hung open- for me.

i shouldered my book bag, closing the car door slowly. my throat tightened. fear or anger or something unpleasant tickled my stomach. with a deepened frown, i made my way inside. i slid off my shoes and set my book bag down on the bench in the foyer.

i took a guess and headed for the living room. there, luckily, kol was sitting on the couch, legs crossed and feet propped on the coffee table. he nursed a crystal glass of blood. elijah was sitting in the window seat- thank god- with his own glass. he looked up as i entered and grinned at me.

"afternoon, y/n," he nodded. "how was your day at school?"

i clenched my jaw, staring at kol's face, willing him to look my way. i felt i would shrivel up if he didn't just look at me. i yelled at him in my mind, wondering if he would hear, if he would listen to me.

but he didn't.

i glanced at elijah, voice dry, "hi. fine, thanks. you?" i pressed my front against one of the arm chairs, my hands coming to rest on top of it, nervously rubbing the fabric.

elijah chuckled, "why, my day at school was wonderful, thank you for the inquiry. today i learned-"

"'lijah-?" kol cut him off though he still stared right ahead. "shut up."

elijah made a pointed face, amusement lacing his lips. "i see we've chosen to be grumpy today, kol. remember- frowning is not a good look for you."

i heard a whoosh behind me just as kol went to speak again. i glanced behind my shoulder and watched klaus saunter into the room. he stopped beside me, smiling down at me. i sent a weak one back.

"shall we start decorating, or do i have to listen to this insufferably awkward moment much longer?" klaus spoke. apparently, only finn had gone with rebekah on her secret mission. they were someone in california.

kol dipped his head back and chugged the rest of his drink. "let's get this over with."

elijah took two small sips to finish his own drink. "where shall we start, y/n?"

klaus and elijah looked to me. i moved my eyes back to kol, furrowing my brows as i glared at him. "uh- follow me."

what the fuck was his problem?

klaus and elijah helped carry the decorations out of kol's room. i didn't even let myself peak around- i was blinded by anger. i knew i was frowning and speaking in short sentences, but i couldn't think straight.

what had i done?

opened my chest up to a serial killer and expected him to not rip my heart out.

that's what.

we started decorating in the foyer. klaus put on some 80's rock- his apparent favorite genre- while everyone hung streamers, blew up balloons. we ran a pink runner down the middle of the room, set up tables for food along the walls. tomorow morning, a company would be delivering about a thousand red roses, rebekah's favorite flower, to decorate the archway of balloons adorning the front of the house. a local bakery had made a three tier cake and we had bought enough chips and various other snack foods to feed a third world country.

by the time we were done with today's tasks, it was 7pm. i was exhausted, starving, and ready to leave. kol had continued his silent treatment. to literally everyone.

klaus, at one point, tried to tease him about his shoddy balloon work. he said something funny and grabbed kol by the back of the neck, pushing his head forward. in response, kol snapped his fangs in klaus' direction and warned him to watch his hands or he'd lose his head.

i felt uncomfortable. klaus and elijah were nice enough, but i could tell that they were trying to ease the tension. like they knew kol would eventually snap at me, and hurt me.

once we were done, i bid klaus and elijah farewell. elijah went to reply, but i turned on my heel before he could say anything. kol had left for his room ten minutes ago, without a word to any of us. whatever. we didn't need his help anyways.

i slipped into my shoes, tugging my heavy backpack up and over my shoulder. the night air was cold on my arms as i stepped out of the house. the door shut behind me softly. i shivered as the wind whipped past my ears.

it was going to be a long walk home. i braced myself and began my trek. ten minutes in, i was frozen to the touch. my fingers were numb from the chill and my chest hurt from the cold air. i could've called caroline- somebody. but the walk felt good. the quick pump of my legs allowed for my energy to dissipate. any anger or annoyance i had was slowly easing out.

that was, until-

a pair of headlights shone from the distance behind me. i glanced behind my shoulder, but continued on my way. the car was going extremely fast and my eyes squinted as the lights became brighter. i tried to walk faster, a sick feeling in my stomach. then, i noticed the shape of the car, and the blue color of its siding. i stepped into the grass as it came to a tearing stop right behind me. my backpack fell off my shoulder, and i let out a huff.

"what the fuck is your problem?!" i crossed my arms as kol stepped out of the car.

his face was the same- angry, annoyed. he came around to me and grabbed my back pack. "get in the car."

oh, he had a voice! what a surprise!

i scoffed at he tossed my bag into the passenger seat. "fuck you, kol! i'm not going anywhere with you!"

kol stepped back in front of me. he glared down at me, his jaw tense. he stared at me for a second before grabbing my bicep.

i screeched at his rough pull, and kicked him in the shin. "what the fuck, kol."

kol stooped down in pain. but he recovered quickly and towered over me again. "get in the car, y/n!"

my name sounded venomous on his tongue. i shook my head, taking a step back from his. kol rolled his eyes, darkened with frightening anger. my brows hesitated from their furrow, and my lips parted in fear. i took another step back.

i flinched as he reached forward; kol tossed my over his shoulder, gripping the backs of my thighs as i hung like a rag doll. he started walking towards the car, and i began to hang at his back with my fists.

"put me down! help! somebody help me!" i screamed, but the night air was silent in response. critters sung harmoniously in mockery and the moon hung low in a teasing freedom.

i kicked at him, but he remained strong. kol opened the door and set me down onto my feet. i was seething, still frightened, but too angry to care about safety.

"you are a fucking douchebag," i murmured. kol gestured to the car.

i looked over his shoulder, to my right, where the woods lay in darkness. i met kol's eyes. he must've reached an understanding because he tilted his chin and widened his pupils.

"do-"

with all of my might, i kicked him in the balls. kol doubled in pain. i kicked his shoulder, too, and as he fell over, i started running into the woods. i pulled my phone from my pocket as i ran, dialing caroline's number. just as i went to press call, something pulled me from my feet. within 5 seconds, i was back at the car.

kol pinned me up against the back door, chest heaving up and down, chocolate eyes a desolate black as he glared. "what the fuck was that?"

the car was cold against my back. kol's hand were planted on either side of my shoulders, and his head stooped low. i could see the white of his narrowed eyes.

i tore my eyes from his, choosing to glare at the collar of his jacket. kol spoke again, "huh? what was that? it's not safe to walk home alone, y/n. just let me take you home!"

i rolled my lip between my teeth, "i'm good, thanks." my voice was wobbly with fear.

kol slammed his hand against the car, next to my left shoulder. i flinched at the violence. i glanced at his face and watched as his eyes glazed over, the veins beneath his eyes popping out. his fangs hung low from his mouth.

i shivered, pressing further into the car. kol noticed me shrinking away and cursed under his breath. "no- i- fuck! i'm fucking stupid."

i continued looking at him. his fangs retracted. his eyes went back to normal. he pulled his hands off the car, running them over his head frustratingly.

"i'm so fucking pathetic. i need to breathe a second-" he paced. 

my shoulders slumped. i blinked harshly, willing away the fear. "kol-"

i felt- sad. i hurt for him- he was just frustrated with himself. not me.  he had a difficult time controlling his anger.  he had no emotional regulation. but im positive that if he was human, that wouldn't be the case. kol wasn't evil.

he could be a terrifying monster but here- here, under the dim light of the moon, he was just a boy. at the end of the day, he was just a boy, trapped in the body of a vampire.  he wanted to act normally- to laugh loudly and fall for a girl. but he couldn't be mindful of his emotions because they were all over the place. anger misplaced all other focus because it was all he knew.

kol paused, head shoved in his palms, breathing quickly. i reached out a hand and my fingers brushed over his. he flinched at my cold touch, and he dropped his arms, moving a step back.

i let my hand rest in the air, reaching for him. kol stilled, cheeks flushed red with frustration, eyes a little watery. he was terrified and angry. he glanced at me and my hand.

i sighed, stepping forward. "just let me give you a hug, kol."

he hesitated, but stepped forward, practically falling into my hold. he clutched my waist, and i wrapped my arms around his shoulders. i hushed into his ear, brushing the back of his hair soothingly.

"it's okay," i hummed, "just take a deep breath."

kol was raised with anger. his father was a violent man, taking care of his children in a barren land of forced natural selection. his mother was a crafty witch who used her powers to selfishly preserve her children, then turned on them to feed her own desires. his brothers and sister were competitive, angry by nature.

when had kol last been comforted? when had someone last hugged him? when he threw tantrums like this one, who soothed him through them? empty or pregnant threats from his brothers and sister worsened the situation. teasing, backlash, daggerings. none of it helped.

lol just needed to be held. he needed to be angry- to soothe through his emotions with a helping hand like mine. he had attachment issues.  he was scared to trust, to make interpersonal connections. it was basic psychology.

we stood there on the side of the road for fifteen minutes, hugging one another. kol cried. i didn't tease him for it or think him weird. i thought he was strong. and i hoped he could feel my pride for his ability to feel.

eventually, he pulled away. he didn't look at me, but at my shoes. i kept a hand at the nape of his neck, curling my fingers through his locks. he shuffled, "can i drive you home?"

i nodded, "yes."

kol opened the door for me, gently, and shut it behind me, quietly. i waited patiently as he walked to his side and got on.

"taylor swift?" i laughed, holding up my phone.

he nodded with the tiniest hint of a smile. i played my favorite song, and watched his finger lightly tap against the wheel to its rhythm. he didn't say anything the entire way to my house. neither did i. silence was an understanding that some needed to reach.

at my front door, kol waited as i unlocked the knob. i turned, standing in the doorway, and finally met his eyes.

he sighed, opened his mouth, "i'm sorry-"

i shook my head once. kol paused. "we can talk in the morning, yeah? why don't you go home, get some sleep?"

kol nodded, a tight lipped smile. "thank you for- that. please, don't tell any-"

"do you think i'm that mean?" i laughed.

kol's face finally lit up. "i'm just not used to feeling vulnerable. especially with someone i barely know."

i shrugged, "you should try it more often. it's illuminating. plus, you know my favorite color. what else do you need to know?"

kol chuckled shortly, "goodnight, darling."

i basked in the nickname. he turned to leave and i stepped back on the porch. kol stopped, half turning back to me. i rounded his body, sliding a gentle hand onto his cheek, and pressed a short kiss to the apple of his face. kol blushed.

"kol, i-" i faltered.

he shushed me, turning to face me completely. his hand hesitantly slid around my waist, the other cupping my chin. i lay my hand on his shoulder.

"no, let me-" i took a deep breath, "i want to trust you. i do- but, you need to let me in. i'm not your family. i'm not going to mock you for your humanity. i want to- to help you. so, let me help you."

kol's eyes flickered from my lips to my eyes. "i want that, too. i've only known you for a week, but i want to show you my whole heart. and that is officially the cringiest thing i've ever said-!"

we shared a hearty laugh at his comment. i squeezed his shoulder, hovering closer. "you've been alive forever, so you should know: time means nothing."

kol gulped, nervous. then, he tugged me closer, and kissed me.

—

6:52pm.

rebekah would be here at 7:30pm. the party began at 6:30- but people didn’t start showing up until 5 minutes ago. the sooner you tell people, the later they arrived. some stupid party rule.

the day had gone by smoothly. the flowers were delivered and decorated at noon. i arrived just before they did, sleepy and anxious.

i barely slept for numerous reasons. i was mostly nervous for how today would go- nervous for it to actually happen. and because kol and i had kissed.

just a minute detail.

he wasn’t there in the morning when i arrived. something about a small errand he’d had to run. i saw him at 5:45pm, when i was in rebekah’s bathroom, getting ready. he knocked gently on the door, the hanger to a dress bag slung around his finger.

i was leaning over the bathroom counter, applying lipstick. i paused when i saw him in the mirror and a small smile turned up my lips.

kol smiled back. he held out the bag, “i got you something.”

i turned, setting the lipstick down on the counter. “oh, you didn’t have to.”

kol shrugged, “i know. i wanted to.”

he held the bag as i undid the zipper. a purple, silky party dress hung from the bag. i grinned at it’s appearance, admiring the cut.

“oh, my gosh,” i stepped forward and tossed my arms over his shoulders.

it’s like i just didn’t know how to act in front of him.

kol hugged my waist. “i was out getting rebekah’s present and i saw this. i don’t know if you had something else to wear, but i’ll compel you if you don’t wear this.”

i pulled back and slapped his shoulder. “you’re ridiculous. i’ll wear it.”

“can’t wait,” kol flashed a cheeky smirk and left the bag with me.

i adjusted the hem, sitting on the bench in the foyer patiently. my strappy heels were already hurting my feet, but i tried to ignore the dull ache. the doorbell rang and i jumped up from my spot.

caroline, bonnie, and elena were on the doorstep. i grinned at my friends, tossing myself into the group hug. i ushered them into the house, taking their jackets into the small closet off the foyer.

“oh, my god, your dress,” caroline gawked, tugging at the side of it.

bonnie chuckled with awe, “you look hot!”

i blushed, crossing my arms over my chest. “thanks, guys. hey, listen, i know there’s animosity between all of us, but please-“

elena set a hand on my shoulder, “not tonight. of course. tonight is for rebekah.”

i squeezed her hand. “go; enjoy yourselves. she’ll be here soon.”

they nodded and joined the crowd dancing through the foyer. i sat back on the bench and checked the time on my phone. i heard a set of footsteps and looked up as elijah sat beside me.

he offered a cup of some questionable liquid. i declined with a hand, “i think i should stay sober.”

elijah scoffed, “okay, i can smell the anxiety seeping off your shoulders. dear, not being sober might be a good idea.”

i peered at him. then i took the cup, reluctantly, and sipped at it. “thanks.”

elijah nodded, “i don’t know what’s going on with you and kol, but so be careful. rebekah is territorial-“

“i know,” i interrupted. “i’ll lose my head. don’t need to remind me, thanks.”

elijah shook his head, “no, no,” he tutted, “didn’t let me finish. but- rebekah is loving. she wants happiness for the people she loves. and she loves you more than anything i’ve ever seen. so, try not to sneak around. try to be honest.”

i looked to him, “really?”

elijah nodded, sipping at the red plastic cup. “you’re the best friend she’s ever had. like a sister. to all of us, even.”

elijah set a cold hand on my knee. i leaned my shoulder against his lovingly. “in a not creepy way, considering…kol?”

elijah laughed heartily, “in a not creepy way. oh-“

someone caught his attention to his left. i perked up. kol stepped forward. elijah stood, “i’ll leave you two alone.”

i stood up, too, nervously clutching my cup. kol glanced as elijah left, then latched his eyes on my body. he dragged his gaze from my heels and up to my eyes.

“in the most respectful way, darling, you are gorgeous,” kol shoved his hands in his pockets.

i blushed deeply, feeling the best spread down my neck and shoulders. kol stepped towards me. i did, too. we didn’t touch, but it felt like we did- the way our auras wrapped around one another. the way our body heat melted around each other’s outline.

“don’t suppose i could drag you to the dance floor before my sister returns?” kol held out a hand.

i glanced to the front door. then, i looked down into my cup, and chugged the rest of it. “what the hell!”

i latched my hand onto kol’s. he dragged me onto the floor. then, he spun around to face me. his hands guided themselves to my hips, tugging my body flush against his. i tossed mine over his shoulders, wrists crossed at the back of his head. we danced sloppily, lazily, sweaty. staring into each others eyes like a rom-com, laughing as we stepped on toes and tripped over other dancers. we didn’t have the capacity to watch where we were going because we couldn’t look away from each other.

at 7:25, i ended our dance. kol groaned as i pulled my body away, but he let me go. before i left for my place at the foyer, i hugged him quickly.

“we have to tell her. tonight.”

as i stepped away, kol met eye, and nodded.

he looked scared. i squeezed his hand and motioned for him to breathe. he did.

i stood in the foyer. klaus, elijah, and kol stood around me. klaus’ phone buzzed and a text from finn informed him they were almost here. we shut off the lights and informed everyone to stay quiet.

i heard rebekah on the other side of the door, groaning about being tired and bored of finn’s, “depressing wit. like, okay, edgar allen poe, we get it. stop brooding and go learn to knit, or something.”

i giggled at her words. she cut herself off at the sound of my laugh. “why are there a billion heart beats-“

the door slowly creaked open and rebekah stepped inside the house. the lights flickered on and we all yelled surprise. the music started up again, and everyone cheered. rebekah flinched at the shock, eyes shooting around at all the people here- here for her.

she landed her gaze on me, and tears pricked at her eyes. “y/n! you lying bitch!”

i opened my arms and she jumped into them, squeezing me tightly. i hugged her back, my heart beating fast with happiness. she pulled away and saw elijah, klaus, and kol.

“did you lot have something to do with this?” she pressed her hands into her cheeks, shocked to her core. rebekah was grinning so widely.

elijah and klaus shook their head. klaus tilted his chin towards kol. rebekah widened her eyes at her older brother. he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking to the floor sheepishly.

“my idea, but y/n planned all of it,” kol murmured, with a shrug.

i intertwined my hand with rebekah’s. “without kol, there’d be no party.”

she tossed her free arm around kol’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. over her shoulder, he met my eyes, and grinned widely. “thank you,” he mouthed.

i shook my head, waved him off.

the night flew out from underneath us. i took my heels off not long after rebekah arrived because she forced me onto the dance floor. for three straight hours, we danced. eventually, we peeled her off the dance floor to the cake. we sang her happy birthday and watched as she opened presents. i had bought her the entire book set of the bridgerton series and half of a best friend necklace, a silly concept we’d made fun of. it was sentimental and funny- the perfect gift.

it was the perfect night.

too bad i had to go and ruin it.

[theflyindutchwoman]

I read your UC post and i totally agree with the points you made. This is just my two cents.

I dont see the show having her continue down the long-term op route. Whether or not it fits with her character, I don't think they'll do it because it wouldn't fit the show's format. They would either have to have multiple episodes dedicated to that case for every op, have her disappear for episodes at a time, or have the op happen in one episode that takes places over a long time period.

If they showed most of the case in the episodes, it would take up a ton of screen time and because of that, they would probably have her go under as little as possible. That would completely defeat the purpose of following through with the UC storyline.

If they had the UC op continue going in the background of normal episode storylines, that would mean we would go episodes without seeing her or barely seeing her. That also would defeat the purpose of giving her this storyline if they use it to effectively write her out for part of a season.

Trying to cram a whole long-term op into one or two episodes would end horribly. The timeline is already so screwed up that it would only make it worse, lol. The kind of fast forward through the op montage worked in 3x14 and 5x21 only because those were a week or two long. Trying to do that with a 3-6 month op would be bad because it wouldn't give the other characters proper attention and skip big chunks of their storylines.

In my opinion, the formatting of the show wouldn't be able to work out longer ops while trying to give all the characters attention. I do think she should do more shorter ops as episode a or b plots, but I can't see it working any differently than that. This is just my perspective

Oh absolutely! I was mostly focusing on a character standpoint since that was the original point : I mean, logistics aside, the decision to pursue UC (or not) also has to make sense storywise.

But since we're now on that topic, yes, if Lucy were to ever do a long-term UC op, it would bring a lot of challenges. Like you said, cramming a 6-month op in 1 or 2 episodes wouldn't work, since it would affect all the other characters' own storylines in a negative way. And better not talk about that infamous timeline lol. Let's be honest, that's probably one of the reason why she has only done short-terms assignment so far. Although it is funny how they keep bringing up the issue… Or that they even chose that particular route in the first place.

But, you know, it's not necessarily impossible either. They could start with a time jump, like they did after Jackson's death : we end one episode with Lucy going undercover and the next, a couple of months have passed. Then, have the UC op be the main B plot for, say, half a season. A fil rouge of some sort. Lucy could go undercover for a case that both Nyla and Angela are working on, with Tim as her handler : that way, she is still linked to the team even if she doesn't see them all in person and her arc is still relevant to the main plot… A bit like they did with Elijah Stone this season, only less repetitive and more consistent. That would force the writers to be tighter in the scripts, with fewer plots per episode, which was a big complain this season. Or as I mentioned in the other response, they could take a page from NCIS LA's notebook : when the main actress got pregnant, they created a whole storyline for her character (a B plot) that lasted half a season. She was away on a long assignment, in a different continent, while still helping her team from time to time. Until the two main plots converged. In our case, it would be a bit easier since Lucy wouldn't need to be that isolated.

That's just one example but I'm sure they could find a way to make it work… the real question is : do they want to? My guess is, they are going to stick to short terms UC for Lucy, like you said. That way, they can have the best of both worlds. Unless, they decide to have her go a different route… That's always an option!

[changelingsandothernonsense]

Ok, I've sent a version of this question to @mareenavee for writerly stuff, but figured I'd adapt it to the arting process and then come pester youuuuuu. Though feel free to answer it in writing mode too, just pick whichever you want to ramble about more :> 1. What are the (art and/or) techniques you're most comfortable with? What comes easily and naturally and just flows (and how come?) 2. What's the stuff that requires lots and lots of redos and revisions? What challenges you as an artist? 3. What do you want to try your hand at, but haven't yet?

Yes, art process asks! We're doing that now!

What are the (art and/or) techniques you're most comfortable with? What comes easily and naturally and just flows (and how come?)

My comfort zone is portraits. Drawing people is easy (relatively speaking), and as much as I complain about it, I do enjoy and have become semi ok at faces and hands in general. I don't know if anything flows (I have poor hand-eye-coordination so it's a bit of an effort on my behalf to do anything precise but I'm clearly a masochist and choose to do precise work) sketches take like 3 hours and lineart takes 1-2 so yeah...slow. I think painting flows best if I'm listening to music, easier to zone out/hyper-focus enough to resist distraction. Skin and hair are the most relaxing to paint (even if I complain about it, I just kinda complain).

Digital is something I fell into because I had Photoshop loaded onto the home computer (ye old 2008 lounge room computer box) and traditional mediums were giving me eczema and/or making me dizzy and triggering headaches so I switched around age 15 and haven't really used many traditional mediums since... No wait, graphite, I'll use that but it's been a time. I am most comfortable with digital. Plus I hate the feeling of stuff on my hands, sensory issues apparently.

My painting technique is kinda similar to both oils and chalk pastels (pastels being my mum's medium, so I picked up a lot from that) like a weird hybrid between the two applied digitally I kinda just pulled from a lot of things and found what came easiest for my process.

What's the stuff that requires lots and lots of redos and revisions? What challenges you as an artist?

Oh boi, this is where I get called weird... (for personal work) I don't do working drawings or thumbnails or studies, I don't do warm-ups and I don't revise sketches. I have a crystal clear image that appears in my head of exactly how I want the finished piece to look, sometimes it's informed by a reference sometimes I have to make one that fits. I know exactly what I need to do to get it to look like that image. That includes lighting and colour that I add at the end, I paint cold and turn the heat up at the end. It's easier on my eyes. I do revisions when I'm doing commissions and professional art, it's a collaborative project and I'm creating someone's vision for them (which I also enjoy). I'll make edits within reason, there's a cut-off point that no one has ever reached but it's 3. I can create to a brief pretty well after 12 years of client work.

Challenges would be backgrounds and scenes, I'm working on those so that they are no longer challenges.

What do you want to try your hand at, but haven't yet?

I want to make something out of clay, a little Horus replica broach.

Like this Ptolemaic Falcon Faience Applique but with more Horus symbology. One day!

[patb-goose]

Tense ~ Brinky

Chapter 7

A brief massage from Pinky instills an addiction in Brain and causes him to stumble upon why it is that he likes them so much. Does he merely love the relief, or perhaps the mouse giving it?

AO3

—————

Pinky was doing many things. He was running around in circles. He was internally screaming. Then, he was externally screaming. Afterwards, he ran straight into a large textbook which laid him flat of his back. He was hyperventilating and doing his best not to have a fit! Oh! There were so many emotions inside him! So much happy! Yes! He was happy, but he was also sad, because he couldn’t share it with Brain. He wanted to. Badly. But Brain had gone into one of his grumbly moods. Pinky was used to that, but this time it was much different.

He glanced over to where he was and his wide grin drooped. Brain had told such a lovely thing, but it had made him upset. Pinky would be honest, the confession wasn’t like you heard in the storybooks or the gushy flicks he loved so much. Most people don’t shout like that, but he had to admit, it was very Brain. He giggled.

Brain didn’t want to hear what he had to say. It upset him because Pinky really did have a lot to tell him, but Brain had said that he already knew what it was. That would make sense. Brain was very smart. He knew everything there was to know. But that still didn’t clear anything up. If Brain loved him and he already knew that Pinky loved him back, shouldn’t they both be happy? People in love were always happy.

Unless….

He gasped very loudly with hands to his cheeks. “Egad! Brain doesn’t think I love him, too! I have to tell him!”

Pinky ran off to find his prickly friend to do just that, but unfortunately, the task was easier said than done. Brain looked busy. Upon observation, though, something told him he was only pretending to be busy. Pinky knew The Brain. He did often complain about Pinky interrupting his work but somehow he did manage to carry conversations with him as he did whatever smart, constucty things he was doing. He tried several times to get his attention. Each time Brain would face the other way or start another task completely. Pinky tried to be very polite, but this was very important. So, he kept trying, no matter how many times he was met with failure. Pinky was very determined. 

He tried a more alluring approach in hopes that it would get Brain’s attention, blocking him from what he was doing. He wasn’t sure if it was working.

There was a point where Brain picked him up from the scruff of his neck and the area just above his tail. He thought he was finally getting somewhere but then he tossed him across the counter into a nearby wall which, while very enjoyable, he got the feeling it wasn’t meant to be taken as a good thing.

…Unless, of course, he was flirting…

The prospect made Pinky fall over, flailing his arms on the way down. Imagine that! Brain flirting with him!

Pinky made a startling conclusion and sat up quickly. People who were in love kissed. Did Brain want to kiss him? His eyes got wide and he ran off immediately to find means of freshening his breath. There were thoughts of lipstick, but he decided he didn’t want to be too obvious. Though, it did give him a giggle; the mental image of seeing visible smooches all over his chubby wubby head. He had to control his squeals. He knew he was getting carried away.

No time to be thinking about that right now. He hadn’t even been able to confess back. Brain wasn’t letting him. Which meant there would be no flirting, because Brain genuinely did not know.

After these several attempts, Pinky came to realize Brain was avoiding him!

…Or maybe he really was just very busy.

He should ask.

Pinky went back over to him to do just that.

“Brain. Are you busy…?” 

“Is the sky blue?” Brain had replied.

“Is that a trick question?”

That earned him a bop on the head. He sat there in his spot, which was now a good distance away from the other mouse. He stopped rubbing his head and ears and sighed defeatedly.

He had so many questions.

“How can I ask him if he won’t let me?” Pinky despaired. He wanted to know more. Even more than that, he wanted to tell him about his own feelings.

The longer he couldn’t clear things up, the sadder his little friend would be. He didn’t want him to be sad. Who would have guessed Brain had all of these big feelings inside? Pinky had no idea. Brain had never been the sharing type when it came to his emotions, that was for sure. Well, except for anger. Ooh, did he share plenty of that. He rubbed his head once more, soothing a nonexistent bump, which he knew he would get if he bothered him again. 

Pinky put his palms together and his fingers began a fidgety motion as he tried to think of what he should do. This was no good. 

He couldn’t give up. 

He waited a bit, which was a task considering how eager he was. Then he slowly inched towards his friend. He was looking in the other direction as he did this. It made him look less conspicuous, but unfortunately, his lack of awareness made him trip over an eraser. He called out as he hit the counter but he quickly recovered, dusting himself off and hoped Brain hadn’t caught his little fall.If he had, he wasn’t reacting to it. So, Pinky exhaled some relief and moved forward with his plans —which were basically just ‘get close to Brain’ and ‘talk’.

He noted a pile of books beside where Brain was working. He ran up them like stairs. He had a very nice view of Brain from here. 

He sighed lovingly, resting his chin on his hands. Just looking at him, writing in his book with his focused face, knowing what he now knew, made him feel all floaty. Brain always made his insides jumpy, but now that he knew he did the same thing to Brain, the feeling increased by…well, a really high number he certainly couldn’t count to, maybe not even Brain. That’s how much love he had in this moment.

He had to get his attention so he could tell him about it. 

Carefully. 

He knew Brain was being touchy about the subject.(Even if it was only because he hadn’t let Pinky properly respond, but he couldn’t hold that against him. Brain was so very complex) Regardless, he had to know and would make sure he found a way to make him know, no matter what.

How should he start…? He thought about it, and just decided to act natural. The rest would work itself out, surely.

-

“Braaaain…Fancy meeting you here!” Pinky greeted, not so naturally, from atop his perch. 

Brain ceased his pencil’s movements and wore the face of a mouse who had been very annoyed by the constant interruptions. 

Pinky was here….again…

He really was not making things any easier on him. He knew why he was over here. It was obvious, even if Pinky thought he was being subtle.

“Yes. What a coincidence. You’ve found me in the same spot you found me earlier and the time before that. What are the odds?” Brain replied to him.

“Uh-uh..” Pinky shook his head and corrected him, pointing in several different directions, “First you were over there….and then over there, there, there, and theeeen here.”

“Thank you for keeping track…” Brain’s sarcasm continued.

“Don’t mention it.” Pinky said with a nod, not catching on. He stopped and then thought for a moment, watching Brain’s face and his brows drooped. Pinky looked as if he knew any moment Brain was going to send him away again. He had to keep the conversation going. “So. Things are going well with your plan, are they?”

“Uh, yes. Swimmingly so.” Brain said with the face of a liar. Okay, maybe he wasn’t being completely untruthful. He did have the beginnings of a plan. It could even be great if he put his efforts into it, but he was struggling. His attention was split. He was thinking about his work, sure, but he was also thinking about Pinky. How could he not? Even if it weren’t for the raw emotions dragged out of him by his confession and predictable outcome, Pinky was just constantly present. There was no blow to the head that would keep the infernal mouse out of his proximity. Brain had developed a high level of tolerance to Pinky’s shenanigans but tonight’s circumstances were lowering his patience considerably. 

There were two options at this moment if Pinky chose to remain near him. Either Brain was going to blow up on him…again and possibly say something he didn’t mean…or he was going to get…emotional in ways he never wanted Pinky to see. Both were less than ideal scenarios.

He just had to keep it together long enough to get him to go.

“Any details…?” Pinky asked, kicking his feet back and forth from atop the books. “I’m a sucker for a good detail or two! Zort!” 

“ I’m sure you have plenty of other things—” He made sure to accentuate these words—”you would rather be doing. At this very moment. Right now. Immediately”

“Nope! Nuh-uh. Not a chance. I’m all yours.”

“You are decidedly not.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” He cleared his throat, “As in I have nothing to report to you as of yet. This next scheme in still in its infancy.”

“Aww, how cute..” Pinky said, seeming to fawn over it with shining eyes.”I wanna see!” Pinky jumped from the top of his book stack to the top of Brain’s idea book and hung upside down to get a closer look. He observed for a moment.“Oh. That’s actually not cute at all. Its just a bunch of squiggles.” With a growl, Brain grabbed at him and made him fall onto the counter with a thud. Pinky looked up at his disapproving face, “They are still lovely squiggles, Brain. Zort! You do have a way with lines.”

Brain pushed him aside with his pencil without a word in response and got back to his writing, committed to simply tuning him out.

Pinky sat up eventually and just watched him, twiddling his thumbs with his eyes shifting around for several minutes. The lab was eerily quiet save for the sound of graphite scratching paper. 

“Um, Brain…” Pinky said, cutting through the silence with a soft and uncertain voice. “Don’t you…um….”

Brain froze when he heard him and it completely took him out of his zone. The hold on his pencil loosened and it fell from his grip. He did not like the tone Pinky used. He swallowed nervously. It was the kind of inflection that conveyed ‘We should talk’  

Brain couldn’t. 

He just couldn’t. 

He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t sure he ever would be. 

“Oh…dear me…I believe I’ve left something over by the computer…Yes.” He came up with really quickly and walked away from his friend (ignoring any of his objections), begging to some unknown force that Pinky would get the hint that he wanted to be left alone. It was pointless, he knew. Pinky needed things spelled out for him, but Brain was not in the mood. 

He felt so unleveled. Even looking directly at him was a struggle. He just wanted Pinky to forget. He always forgot the things Brain told him. Why couldn’t he do that now? For his sake? He laughed internally at that line of thought. If he had wanted that, why had he even tried to tell him in the first place? 

What was he expecting, really…?

He had been a fool to think expressing what he felt to Pinky was a smart move. Did he really think that telling him would somehow make him stop feeling this way? That’s ridiculous! But he didn’t know what he would have done instead.

Did a part of him hope for another kind of outcome…?

Of course not.

It wasn’t as if Brain wanted things to change. They were fine the way they were. He had everything he needed. 

His unhappy expression betrayed these thoughts.

He leaned forward and absentmindedly stroked the keyboard. He brought up their file for reasons unknown to him, but it was here now, so he looked it over. This was their file. The one used by the scientists of Acme Labs when experiments were conducted or they were loaned out on occasion. There were two photos, side by side; one of himself and one of Pinky. There were several details under them both, but directly under the photos were big letters that read:

 ‘TEST SUBJECTS ARE PAIRED AS A SET. DO NOT SEPARATE’ 

The scientists had not made this addition to the file. Mice were mice to them. Brain had added this to their file. He had done it long ago, considering their plans and the high inconvenience being apart would cause. He wondered if subconsciously he had known even then..

The words meant more to him now.

Brain had always downplayed Pinky’s role in his life, but he had truly become attached to him. He wondered at what point those feelings had become love.  He wasn’t sure why he was dwelling on this now. It hardly mattered. It wasn’t as if he was losing him… Pinky was still here. (A little too much, if he was bluntly honest) Things could very well return to normal. Brain tried to find the positive in that. He could refuse to discuss the subject and in time, Pinky might forget eventually. Then, he’d never have to hear him say what he already knew.

Even still…Brain could not help himself. He wanted something…unattainable. He pulled at his face. “If that isn’t the story of my life…” He mumbled in response to his thoughts.

His time for reflection appeared to have reached its expiration as Pinky’s voice cut through the quiet..

“Oooooh. Look. It’s us!” Pinky said, coming up beside Brain and folding hands behind his back as he looked up at the big screen.

“Pinky!” Brain said startled, jumping at his approach. “I- I was just…” He felt embarrassment to be caught so very red handed and red faced while lamenting over his feelings after basically running away from him. It had been easy to hide before, but back then he hadn’t shouted in Pinky’s face that he was in love with him. He couldn’t help still mentally cringing over it.

But surprisingly enough, he didn’t mention it, so Brain didn’t go forward with his reply. It wasn’t as if he knew what to say anyway. What could he say?

 He looked on curiously as Pinky leaned forward and gazed up at the monitor.

“We look so lovely, don’t we. Side by side. Poit”

Brain followed Pinky’s view back to the computer after a second and observed it thoughtfully for a moment. He stayed in silence. Though he didn’t  disagree with the words, he wouldn’t be commenting. He leaned forward and closed out the file. The screen darkened and he turned to view Pinky who did the same. 

“Did you find what you were looking for, Brain?”

There was a pause while Brain wondered what it was that Pinky meant but then he remembered the words he’d told him before coming over here.

He thought about making something up, but decided that it wasn’t worth it. Also, he found he was no good at making up a good fib on the spot, even if Pinky was rather gullible and would probably buy whatever he said. So, he settled on a simple, truthful “No" 

"Oh.” Pinky said and then followed with,“But then what were you doing on the computer? With our faces?”

“Must you be so nosy?” Brain deflected with a pointed stare.

“Brain. You know I can’t help it.” Pinky frowned, his gaze crosseyed on the snout in front of him as he pet it self consciously.

Brain rolled his eyes and marched away from the other mouse, “I’m all too aware.” After a second or two, he heard the second set of footsteps and his brow narrowed a bit more as he caught sight of Pinky in his peripherals. “Will you stop following me?”

“Oh. Sure.” Pinky responded instantly and Brain sighed in relief; Finally peace to contemplate. He continued to walk forward but he nearly fell back when Pinky was now suddenly in front him, leaning towards him, “but first I had a question!” Brain’s hand was on his chest to calm his heart from the fright. How did Pinky move so quickly? “It’ll be really quick.”

“A question.” Brain stated once recovering. He already knew where this was going.

“Yessir!”

He folded his arms and looked at his expectant friend. “And does this question have anything to do with the previous conversation that occurred, oh I don’t know, earlier tonight?”

Pinky gasped with a look that showed he was positively impressed, “It does! Zort! You completely read my mind. Amazing.”

Pinky was so predictable.

“Hmmph. Had I the capability, that would still require you to have a mind to read.” Brain quipped and then waved him off with a hand, ready to leave this situation while Pinky found humor in his words, but he was stopped by both of Pinky’s hands latching onto one of his forearms. His brows raised in surprise but lowered soon enough. He noted his tail wagging about and that stupidly optimistic face of his.

 “So, can I ask?”Pinky said to him. 

He could only wonder what kind of question he wanted to be answered, but he wasn’t so curious that he was about to let him ask it. For one, it was about their conversation which Brain was trying to avoid at all costs, and for two, he found his sunshiney demeanor about it off-putting. Did Brain’s confession really affect him so little?

“No.” Brain said with finalty, yanking his arm away from Pinky’s touch. “I’m not taking any questions today.”

“But Brain. You always answer my questions.”

“Not tonight, Pinky. Not about this. Honestly! What do I have to do to make you understand that I don’t want to talk about it?” Brain replied loudly with clenched fists. He had tried everything. Being nice about it. Physically pushing (and on one occasion throwing) him away. Avoiding him. But nothing would seem to deter him from trying to have this conversation with Brain. If Pinky was fine with it, good. Let him be fine with it. It was not something that needed confirmation or discussion. “What could you possibly need to know that I haven’t already told you?”

Pinky paused, but not for too long. He was thinking of something else to say.

“Okay. Poit! No questions!” He gave a few nods and waved his arms a couple times before speaking again,”Can I just tell you what I wanted to say before you walked away?” Pinky paused and tapped his bottom lip, “Oh, wait, wait, wait. Does that count as a question..?”

Brain frowned and then huffed at him. “I would prefer if you said nothing whatsoever.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to talk about it. I won’t say it again. I don’t care about whatever it is you have to tell me. I know, okay! I’m perfectly aware of your feelings on that matter. I don’t need your coddling. I’m a fully grown mouse. Save your pity.”

“I don’t pity you, Brain.”

“Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you? Even I pity me.” Brain was absolutely pathetic. He couldn’t do anything right. He couldn’t take over the world. He couldn’t even control his own emotions, which was a task that should be more attainable. So much for being a powerful figure. He couldn’t even handle being let down gently by a well meaning friend. He kept pushing him away. But he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want Pinky to feel sorry for him.

Pinky’s ears perked and it looked like he found his invitation to say what he wanted. “I’ll tell you why! Zort! Because I—”

“Because it’s okay! Yes, yes. I know it already.”

“But that’s not—”

 “You don’t have to finish.” Brain assured him.

“I do, Brain! I have to! If I don’t say it, I’ll explode!” Pinky said with more conviction than he’d ever seen him have. Pinky normally dropped things after Brain had given him a few bops or showed his displeasure, but he wasn’t backing down. 

Why was he being so persistent?

Brain wasn’t going to get away from this. His glare transitioned to a more vulnerable look. The same look he’d worn when staring at their file on the computer. He backed away a couple centimeters.

At this point, he could only plead with him.

“Please, Pinky. Have mercy. Don’t say what you’re about to say. I already know what you’re pondering!” 

There was a spark of something in Pinky’s eyes. A dawning that just now came to him because of Brain’s wording. His first instinct had been to console him, maybe even hug him but something far better came to mind. Something that even Brain wouldn’t be able to argue with.

“Brain. That’s impossible.” He said.

“What?” Brain asked, furrowing his brow. The statement stopped whatever emotional rollercoaster he was about to go down because Pinky’s words confused him.

“You couldn’t possibly know what I’m thinking.” Pinky told him and Brain stared at him questioningly. Pinky continued “..because when have I ever been pondering what you’re pondering?”

Brain softened in realization. He was astounded. “You are… right, Pinky. I couldn’t possibly know what it is you are pondering…which means I have no idea what it is you’re thinking…” He was in disbelief, especially considering this revelation came from Pinky. He paused for a good few seconds to process it. Then, he looked up at his friend with stunned admiration. He was impressed. “Pinky…are you using logic?”

“Oh, actually, it’s lavender. Thank you for noticing! Troz!”

Brain blushed. That was not at all what he meant, but now was noticing that, yes, it did make him smell nice. He shook his head. Now was not the time to be focusing on that! Pinky had just given him new information and possibly… hope? Had Brain missed the obvious? Had he been so sure of himself that he completely overlooked the one thing that had always been a constant since becoming acquainted with one another (barring a few circumstances)? After all, despite his friend’s earlier idiotic claims, Brain could not read minds. Least of all, Pinky’s. The realization had him wonder what he was thinking…

What was he thinking?

What was he thinking?

This threw him into a frenzy and he moved closer to him immediately.

He shook him enough to grab his complete attention, “I beg you. Please. Tell me what it is you are pondering.”

Pinky had been trying to tell Brain something all night, but Brain had been so sure he knew exactly what it was, that he hadn’t allowed him to do so. But if Brain didn’t actually know what it was, did that leave the possibility that it wasn’t rejection he was offering. Was Pinky fighting him so hard because he too— Brain cut the thought off, trying not to jump to any conclusions. Though, he could do nothing about what his heart was doing. He may be able to have a small control over his thoughts but the organ in his chest was another story. It had been most uncooperative of late, but he mostly blamed the mouse before him for that. 

He still lacked understanding over how this came to be…

Pinky was talking now. So, he focused on him rather than numerous thoughts running through his head. 

“I get to say? Oh, joy!” He emoted with an opening of arms. 

Brain took his hands away and leaned back to wait for him to continue. But after some time, it seemed as if Pinky was struggling to find words, and not because he found it hard, like Brain had. He looked legitimately lost. Then Brain heard the “ums” and he was beginning to lose whatever hope he’d gained by the second.

“Please tell me you at least remember what we’re talking about…” Brain said, exasperation returning to his face.

Pinky panicked, looking like he knew he was about to blow his opportunity “No, no, I do!” He said and hoped it was assuring. He scratched one of his ears in a nervous way. “It’s just…well, it took so long to get you to say yes, Poit, I forgot what i was gonna say…I had it all planned, too. Let me see..” He looked upward as he thought but he just couldn’t seem to remember. He shrugged at the lost words and decided to move on, “Oh, well. I’ll just start over” He lifted a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. He opened his eyes and looked down at Brain again. 

Brain’s narrowed brow lifted the longer he stared. It made him feel uneasy. Perhaps not uneasy, but something inside him twisted at the way he was being regarded. Pinky called his name and he nearly jumped, but didn’t say much else. He gave him his full attention.

He was silent.

So silent.

It was unusual.

Brain took a step toward him, wondering if perhaps the call was for him to come closer. A ridiculous idea provided by his own desires, surely, but he did it anyway. His expression softened as he prepared.

But then;

“Letmefirststartoffbysayingithinkyouaresimplyamazing.Oh,Brain! Whenyousaidwhatyousaidyousoundedsoangrybutyousaidsuchahappythingandiwassoconfused. Ihadtopinchmyselftomakesureiwasawake. Surelyenoughlivelyasadoorstop. Buttothinkyouwouldsaysomethinglikethattome. Oh, youweresosweetandromantic. Ithoughtimightpassout. Zort! Troz!” 

A bomb may as well have gone off. His friend’s outburst was loud and startling, having Brain regret moving in closer.

Pinky was walking circles around him and talking so fast that Brain was beginning to become dizzy. He also had absolutely no clue what he was saying other than ‘Brain’ ‘Zort’ and ‘Troz’ Brain allowed it to go on for a few more seconds and then stretched out one arm and opened a hand. He swiftly yanked the other mouse by the flesh of his chest once he came around for his next rotation.

“Pinky. Try to speak to me as if you haven’t just downed ten mochachinos…” Brain told him and he seemed to calm himself.

Pinky took a breath. “Sorry, Brain. I just got so excited! You said….” He shook in place, wiggling his shoulders around. “You know…” His ears got droopy and he smiled in a bashful way.

Did Pinky have to remind him? Now he was certainly blushing again. Not only because of the memory and embarrassment of his outburst but because now that he was no longer in the blinded state of frustration of when it was said, he saw how Pinky reacted to it. But even still, Pinky reacted like this whenever he was paid a compliment. This could be that. He could just be flattered. Pinky had said nothing about himself. At least…. he didn’t think so, but as analytical as his brain was, the megalomaniac wasn’t even going to attempt to translate the fastpaced ‘Pinklish’ that had just spewed from his mouth to receive confirmation. 

“I’m aware of what I said.” Brain told him, trying to avert his eyes and look annoyed, but it was hard to do when what you truly were was flustered. “Now, could you please quit dancing around the subject and get on with it already? And don’t get carried away.” He would like to understand him if he said…well…whatever it was he was going to say.

“I do love a good dance” Pinky commented, twirling in place and then sticking his foot out. He batted his eyes at Brain before seeming to remember himself and straightened his posture. “Right. Right. Later.” He said, to which Brain raised a confused brow but Pinky didn’t elaborate and just moved on. “Brain.” Pinky said and the smaller mouse didn’t have much time to react when his hands were grabbed, except for perhaps a tiny yelp in response. He gave him his kindest eyes, “I’ll do it right this time.”

He wasn’t really sure what was happening but his heart certainly had an idea. It had him noticing Pinky had very warm hands. He didn’t get to hold them very often. Brain would usually pull him along by the wrist and occasionally Pinky would drag him somewhere by the hand, but the experience was always short lived. Doing so for an extended period of time made him feel shaky, and not because he didn’t enjoy it. He enjoyed it a little too much… but Brain didn’t know what was going on. He felt like he knew but, he, himself, was not trying to get carried away. The anticipation was driving him mad.

Pinky started his speech. Finally.

“Brain. After you said your lovely words and left me standing on my own—” He began.

Brain’s brows downturned in shame. When Pinky said it like that, he felt so genuinely guilty but it was founded. It had been wrong of him not to allow Pinky time to speak, even if it had been due to his insecurities. 

“There has only been one single thought going through my head—”

Brain inhaled, but held back his comment. It was just too easy and now wasn’t the time for mockery. He needed to hear what he was going to say. The anxiety was getting to him.

“And that one thought that I have been pondering is—um…well, actually now that I think about it. There has been more than one thought, hasn’t there? I mean, most of them revolved around the same thought, but there have been others. Which do you want to hear first?”

Okay. this was taking to long. He ripped his hands away when he opened his arms to outright ask because all of the waiting was killing him. He had to get to the point, nerves or not! “For the love of— Just tell me! Do you return my affections..?”

“What?” Pinky gasped in surprise.“ But I don’t want to give them back!” He hugged himself as if the action was him physically holding Brain’s admitted feelings tightly in his arms and went into a dreamy trance. “They make me feel warm and squishy!” He opened his eyes and gave Brain a hopeful shrug. “Can’t I just give you mine?” 

Brain’s eyes widened with emotion shining throughout. His ears fell and he found he was at a loss for words. He had asked. The way the conversation was going, he was almost expecting this answer, but hearing it was a whole other matter. “This….This is what you were pondering…?”

The whole time?

Pinky gave his softest, “Mhmm..” accompanied with a slow nod.

“Well…” Brain trailed off. He folded his arms around his back, blinking to himself. He was in shock. Realizing he hadn’t given the answer to Pinky’s question, he finally managed a response. “That…would be acceptable..” He didn’t even correct him, because he very much approved of this exchange.

He wholly expected a loud reply from Pinky, but it got awkwardly quiet after that. That was unusual and worrisome. 

Brain had not been looking in his direction because the whole situation left him a bit embarrassed. He wasn’t usually so open. But in his curiosity of Pinky’s uncharacteristic response, he glanced over at him and when he did, he understood. 

Pinky was very visibly shaky and trembling. He was clearly holding back his excitement and what he wanted to do.  Brain was riding a high himself, trying very much not to smile or show any blatant reaction, as much as he wanted to. It wasn’t as though he needed to hide it now but he had to maintain some self control after all. 

However, for Pinky it seemed odd. 

Why? He wondered briefly before remembering he had told Pinky not to get carried away, and Pinky was listening. That tugged on his heart strings.

After thinking for a moment, Brain he took pity on him. He lowered his head, his mouth curved ever so slightly and he said, “Go ahead, Pinky”

With a shrill scream, Pinky exploded and Brain was not at all prepared for the fit Pinky had. He jumped into his arms and he just barely kept him balanced. Yes…This was very much what Brain had expected from him. He wasn’t sure if he was a fool for allowing it but was beginning to think so, especially when Pinky began shouting so much nonsense very loudly and so close to his ear. 

Brain had many regrets. 

Pinky nuzzled him affectionately and clung to him firmly. Brain wished he wouldn’t move around so much. They were liable to fall over, but he couldn’t lecture him when he wouldn’t stop talking. “Oh, it’s really true, Brain! We’re in love! Brain! Oh, Braaaain! I’m so happy. I could have a fit. Oh, wait. I guess I am! Hahahaha!” 

“Pinky, Please! Get a hold of yourself.” Brain said, eventually managing to push Pinky off of him. Not that he was so averse to having him near him, but he was going a little overboard. Saying ‘a little’ was understating it, actually.

“Ohhh! But I like when you hold me better! Narf!!” Pinky did his best to calm down but he had all this emotions inside that it was difficult. He’d been holding them in ever since Brain had confessed to him.

Brain couldn’t blame him for it, honestly. Being impulsive was in his nature…and it meant what Brain had told him hade made him that happy. There was warm fuzziness that began to grow in his chest at that.

He was looking at Brain. He leaned toward him and he just looks so happy. If his expression wasn’t enough, the way his tail was flapping around made it obvious. It made Brain nervous and he stammered as he attempted to figure out what to say.. So nervous. He swallowed and didn’t make another attempt because he suddenly realized he had no idea what to do with the aftermath of telling Pinky his heart. He surely hadn’t expected a mutual conclusion. He wasn’t opposed, but a large part of him had expected laughter and rejection. He had not planned this far ahead. It made him awkward and anxious because he didn’t know what to say. While he had silence, he tried to remember what his original plan was.

Tell Pinky. Yes, that had been the first, nearly impossible step.

Get back to planning.

That was all he had.

Seriously? Did he really not plan for the alternative outcome?

Of course, he didn’t. Up until now, he thought it inconceivable that Pinky would share these same feelings. He’s seen his past prospects. Brain didn’t think he was even his type. This left him ill prepared. What did he do now? He looked up and saw how Pinky was leaning and his mind provided him with the next step, which warmed his cheeks.

 A kiss. 

It’s what you do after you confess, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s what you do to confess. He fidgeted. Was he overthinking this? He didn’t actually know if Pinky wanted to kiss him, and nothing said he had to. Besides, he should think back to the plan. Yes, the outcome had been different than he was expecting but he could now follow through with the next step. After all, he wouldn’t need to worry about any lack of focus anymore. He had admitted his feelings and everything had turned out alright in the end. He could get back to business as usu—

Goodness he was still staring. 

He had to explain it to him.

“Uhhh, Pinky…!” Brain started in a rush, attempting to sound confident but his expression didn’t match it. Pinky stood upright at the urgent sound of his name and showed he was listening. Brain went on. “I-I-I should have you know, I have only told you this to get it out of my system….” Brain straightened his posture and forced a look a seriousness.  “…and now that the deed is done, I see no reason for any further discussion on the matter— He paused before finishing, getting a good look at Pinky. He looked so shy, possibly disappointed by the things he was saying but willing to hold back for what Brain wanted.

 Always what Brain wanted.

What about what he wanted? 

And Brain, this wasn’t even what he truly wanted. This was just what he knew; Normalcy. In that moment, Brain decided he was tired of it. Tired of solidifying this brick wall between him and Pinky, especially when he had just expressed what made Brain happier than he’d been since…well, ever. Pinky loved him. Yes! He loved him, and Brain loved Pinky. He was allowed to show it!

Plans. His blasted plans could wait! At least until after he did this!

 “Oh, to heck with it all!” He exclaimed. Then he yanked on the fur of Pinky’s chest, a move he commonly used when Pinky was in for a bop. By the look on the taller mouse’s face, you’d assume that was exactly what he’d thought was coming. But instead, Brain firmly pressed his mouth to his. Several seconds went by before Brain began to pull away, beginning to feel awkward at the lack of response, but the moment he created even a small amount is distance, Pinky closed it again. Brain was so shocked that his eyes opened in surprise just to confirm this was happening. They weren’t open for long. His hands moved to Pinky’s cheeks, desperate to keep them together as if this would be the only time they ever kissed.

 When their lips parted for breath, he heard “Narf” and he wasn’t even annoyed. The sound was beautiful to him. A foolishly sentimental part of him wanted to cry for the dumb feelings it evoked. He fought it. He didn’t need to look even more emotionally ridiculous than he already did. He kept his eyes low, not willing to make contact with Pinky’s, but then the other put a hand beneath his chin and he had no choice but to look up. He was greeted by the sweetest, most adoring gaze he’d ever beheld. How did Pinky do that? The attention had him feeling awkward. Anxious almost. It was stupid, really. Brain often dreamed of praise and being adored by millions. But somehow, being admired by a single dimwitted but big-hearted mouse was where he hit his limit. He knew he was a hypocrite, but a wall wasn’t so easily demolished.

Forever a slave to his old habits, he put some distance between them. Not much, but enough for him to regain his composure. There was only so much vulnerability he was willing to display. He had a powerful image to protect, after all. 

He cleared his throat. Pinky was still looking at him. “…Now, then. I suppose…that um, clears up any potential misunderstandings regarding, uh, well, you know…” He kicked his foot around nervously. 

Pinky bent forward and Brain nearly jumped out of his skin. (despite the fact that he had been the one to initiate a kiss just moments ago. The idea of Pinky doing so had his heart beating like a sledgehammer) But he didn’t. He spoke instead.

“Egad! Does this make us a couple, Brain?!”

“I–” Brain barely got out.

“I mean, we always were a couple. A couple of mice, Troz! But noooow we get to be a romantic couple! A couple couple! Narf! I’m all a tingle!” Pinky shook in place. He looked as if he were already having daydreams.

Brain didn’t know what to think of it. He never thought he’d get this far, if he was honest. It was strange to think about. Mind you, he had thrown around the concept when he had discovered his feelings but he always forbade his thoughts from encouraging it. So, he felt a bit lost.

Them? In a relationship? It was strange to think about.

 “Pinky. Can you even imagine the two of us in a relationship?” 

Pinky stopped and shifted his weight to the side, a classic pose used when he occasionally attempted to think. “Hmm…Let me seeee” After a moment, he was back. “Well. I imagine I would go for a run on the wheel and do all kinds of fun fun silly willy things in the lab and then you would work on your smarty plans and I would make a noise and you would be like, “ He made a fist and gave his best impression of Brain, which was quite bad, “Don’t dooo thaat! Grumpy growly! Roooar” He made circles around him with his arms up. Brain’s eyes tracked his movement with disapproval, but he did not interrupt, “and then you would say “are you pondering what I’m pondering?” and then I would say yes, even tho I haven’t a clue! Zort! And then, pow!” He gave himself a knock on the head and fell backwards laughing. “ Oooh, and then we would try to take over the world and blow up.”

“Uh-huh…” Brain commented with underwhelm. He uncrossed his arms. “Pinky. You just described things we already do..”

Pinky stood, wondering what he could have missed. After a second, he spoke again, a finger raised to his chin. “Oh, well I guess there would be more kissing…Oooh, and hugging! Yes, there must be hugging! Nice and squishy ones! And I suppose the one night we take off a year could be our date night…” He threw out his hands, “No! Our anniversary!”

“Anniversary?”

“Oh, yes, Brain! Every couple needs an anniversary! So, you can forget! And then I can give you one of these—” Pinky gave him a pointed glare for demonstration and then he twirled, “and then we have a big, dramatic fight, until later when we make up and you show me the romance is still alive. Narf!” He clasped his hands together and sighed lovingly.

“You watch too much TV, Pinky.”

Pinky ignored him, “And I can give you a massage again! Troz!” He clapped and got excited.

Brain’s glare faltered. That had definitely got his attention. “What?” He said simply. Brain couldn’t help but stare at Pinky’s hands afterward.

“I do miss it, Brain. Don’t you?”

“...You want me to, don’t you, Brain…?” Brain’s memory reminded him and he suddenly forgot how to breathe. He flushed and turned away. He kept his mouth firmly shut and swallowed as he forced himself not to follow that thread. 

Many things were going through his head. 

First, there was the fact that Pinky considered their relationship perfect just the way it was, which…surprised him. He was happy…He didn’t want change. He just wanted him to kiss him more…Brain could certainly do that. In fact, he wanted to.

 Brain…made him happy. Brain was in disbelief over this. For all his flaws, Pinky still wanted someone like him; a closed off, easily angered, narcissistic egomaniac with an obsession with taking over the world. He did not deserve such a pure soul, but he could not deny that he was happy to have him. If there was ever one thing he loved more than the world, it was Pinky.

The second thing was Pinky being able to hone in on his desires without him saying a word. He could just ask Pinky at any time, he realized, and Pinky would say yes. Pinky enjoyed the massages just as much. Even so, Brain was so jittery that he couldn’t make a request. Remembering his dream, even just briefly, made it even more difficult. 

Regardless, he decided he could offer a little honesty on the matter. “Yes, um…They’re…You do have a talent for it, Pinky. I’ll admit I have noticed their absence.” A lot, he added mentally.

It was quiet now. Pinky didn’t have a response and Brain was okay with that. All of the things he had been keeping inside for days upon days were now out in the open (for the most part) He felt lighter. It still felt strange, sure, knowing that Pinky now knew but Brain could deal with that. After all, it was mutual. 

It was mutual, he thought in awe.

He glanced at him through his peripherals, his eyes filled with an underlying longing he was suppressing. When their gazes met, he had to look away. He should really get back to work now, considering he had cleared the air with him. He had said he would after the kiss.

Goodness. He still couldn’t believe he had kissed Pinky…

He shooed the thought away.

“Well…uh,” Brain shrugged with a tiny laugh. He was the picture of awkwardness, though he told himself he wasn’t. “The world isn’t going to take over itself..” He started to walk off.

“WAIT!” 

“What? What is it?” Brain asked, alarmed.

“Um… You can’t go yet, because….um…you…um…um…and Zort! Er…Poit! Um.” Pinky stammered and he went on like this for thirty more seconds.

Brain tapped his foot for the duration but finally had enough after gaining no useful information from whatever it was Pinky was trying to say, “Pinky. Spit it out already!”

“Your back!” 

Brain gave him a quizzical stare. 

Pinky elaborated. “Your back; it’s really twingey, isnt it..?” 

“No. it’s perfectly fine…” Brain twisted and placed a hand on his back. Where was Pinky getting this..?

Pinky leaned in close, almost desperate. “Don’t be so brave, Brain…You’re reeeeally sore, aren’t you?”

“Pinky. Stop being ridicul–” Brain’s eyes dawned with understanding. Pinky was asking. All arguments against seemed to leave his head (even the nerves from earlier disappeared). The idea of Pinky’s hands on him again after so long was suddenly very appealing. “I-I…Now that you mention it…gee, I guess I am a bit…” He paused and then side eyed him, “..tense”

The smaller mouse decided perhaps his planning could wait just a little longer.

“You really need those muscles worked…”

“Indeed, I do. And I may need a long one…”

“Long as it takes, Brain.”

“Yes…” Brain placed a hand under his chin and touched his lips to his cheek. Not a kiss, but perhaps a promise of one in the future, “I shall await you in the cage…” He slowly walked off, his hand lingering contact with Pinky until the distance made them separate.

Pinky’s tail was standing straight up and shivers coursed through him, leaving a dopey smile on his face.  

“Oh and Pinky…?”

He jolted a bit when Brain turned his head to look at him. His brow was narrowed, but not grumpy as he was used to. It was more calm and he would say…wanting. He did not take his eyes off of him, waiting.

“Don’t forget your ‘uniform’”

“My uniform?” Pinky questioned.

“As you say, no masseur goes without the right attire…”

“Zort! I mean Troz! I mean, NARF!” Pinky short circuited at his suggestion.

Brain took that as a yes and confidently continued his casual pace back to the cage, hands folded behind his back. He was grinning. He heard some crashing and loud sounds behind him, no doubt the sounds of Pinky preparing, but paid them no mind. 

Tonight they may not be doing the same thing they do every night, but Brain was not adverse to adding it to their routine…

[internetcompanynews]

More Political and Physical Attacks on Libraries - Notice Global Web - BLOGGER https://www.merchant-business.com/more-political-and-physical-attacks-on-libraries/?feed_id=153162&_unique_id=66add6a01675e Katie’s parents never told her “no” when she asked for a book, which was the start of most of her problems. She has a BA in Creative Writing from Lake Forest College and is working towards a master’s degree in library science at U of I. She works full time at a public library reference desk in northern IL, specializing in readers’ advisory and general book enthusiasm, and she has a deep-rooted love of all things disturbing, twisted, and terrifying. (She takes enormous pleasure in creeping out her coworkers.) When she’s not spending every waking hour at the library, she’s at home watching Cubs baseball with her cats and her cardigan collection, and when she’s not at home, she’s spending too much money on concert tickets. Her hobbies include debating the finer points of Harry Potter canon, hitting people upside the head who haven’t read The Martian, and convincing her boyfriend that she can, in fact, fit more books onto her shelves.Tessa Thompson is starring in and executive producing an adaptation of His & Hers by Alice Feeney.Sony has acquired two of Liz Moore’s novels for adaptation.Updates on Amazon’s series adaptation of Fourth Wing.An update on Bridgerton, Season 4. The Court of Thorns and Roses TV series faces another setback as the showrunner exits the production.Trailer for Season 2 of Pachinko.24 new and upcoming book adaptations in 2024. Google News Censorship NewsThe ongoing censorship of high school AP courses. From NPR’s Code Switch podcast: “Not a badge of honor:” How book bans affect Indigenous literature. From the US Department of Education: Book bans aren’t just bad policy — they raise civil rights issues as well. EveryLibrary released a statement about Project 2025 and how it would affect libraries.More states are passing book banning rules. Here’s what they say. Lake Travis ISD (TX) adopted a (flawed) new book challenge policy.The Selby Public Library (FL) had to evacuate after a man came into the library and made a bomb threat.The Nassau County School District (FL) is claiming in a lawsuit that the school’s decision to ban books constitutes government speech, which is not protected by the First Amendment.Pinellas County School Board (FL) candidate Danielle Marolf is going around complaining that Gender Queer in the school libraries. Except…it isn’t! The superintendent banned the book in 2021! The Volusia County Council (FL) just abolished its library advisory board.(Paywalled): A look at the various ways that contentious books go missing in Massachusetts libraries.Virginia governor Glenn Youngkin appointed a book banner to the state board of education, who ALSO happens to be the daughter of Antonin Scalia.The chilling effects of Georgia’s “divisive concepts” law. The Clay City Manager (AL) told library board members that they could no longer purchase religious books for the collection in an effort to avoid lawsuits from political groups. Again, this is a local elected official who has no education or expertise in library matters trying to take over library operations, although thankfully the city has since backtracked.Arkansas State University received a bomb threat targeted against the library and the student union.The Francis Howell School District (MO) is backpedaling on a policy proposal that would make it easier to challenge books.The St. Joseph School District’s Board of Education (MO) will decide on the fate of The Bluest Eye next month.The Dayton Metro Library (OH) has and always will protect and promote the right to have access. “In an escalation of Michigan’s book wars, the Alpena County Board of Commissioners on Tuesday began the process of firing all members of its public library board over their handling of a handful of children and teen books with sexual themes.”After public pushback, the Lansing

School District (MI) is backing away from its original plan to cut all school librarian positions. The state of book bans: Wisconsin’s battle with “parental rights.” Durango Public Library (CO) has strengthened its book challenge policy in order to stay in compliance with the state’s recent anti-book ban law.The North Idaho Community Library Network has declined to change its policy on kids accessing materials, which is good because the proposal included a restriction on all children’s library cards to prevent them from checking out any adult materials, even if their parents already approved access.A group of Idaho lawyers have filed a lawsuit against the state’s new library materials bill. Washoe County (NV) libraries have canceled all future Drag Story Hour events due to escalating safety concerns.A Maricopa (AZ) resident wants to see the city adopt a “code of conduct” for LGBTQ library books.While book ban attempts have increased nationally, the Corvallis-Benton County Public Library (OR) has kept challenges low. Lodi Unified School District (CA) has dissolved its book review committee after the committee mistakenly took votes on the status of three titles, even though it was only meant to act in an advisory capacity. Plus, one of the high school librarians speaks about about how staff were instructed to use BookLooks to review recently purchased titles, and how some of the books went “missing” from the order until the community brought it up with the superintendent.Google News Books & Authors in the NewsWhy your local indie bookstore might not have Hillbilly Elegy in stock this week (or ever).Irish author Edna O’Brien has died at 93. Francine Pascal, the creator of the Sweet Valley High series, has died at 92. Google News Numbers & TrendsThe bestselling books of the week. The most-read books on Goodreads last week.The short shelf-life of the White House tell-all. Google News Award NewsThe 2024 Booker Prize longlist has been released.In Ascension by Martin MacInnes has won the 2024 Arthur C. Clarke Award.The winners of the 2024 TikTok Book Awards have been announced.Google News Bookish Curiosities & MiscellaneousWhy don’t straight men read novels? (I didn’t realize this was a thing…)Cambridge Dictionary adds over 3200 new words. When poetry used to be an actual Olympic sport. Why rare book collectors go after books made with poisonous materials. Google News On the RiotWhat does it mean when a book makes you forget that you were reading? Google News And Here’s a Cat Photo!Wednesday was Dini’s fourth Gotcha Day! So here’s one of my favorite photos of our little Doodle. He has so much personality and he gives the best couch snuggles (when he feels like it). And just look at dat face!All right, friends. That’s all I have, but I’ll be back on Tuesday!—Katie McLain Horner, @kt_librarylady on Twitter.“Library bomb threats, poisonous book collectors, and more of this week’s must-read library news…”Source Link: https://bookriot.com/more-political-and-physical-attacks-on-libraries/ http://109.70.148.72/~merchant29/6network/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/pexels-photo-6453484.jpeg More Political and Physical Attacks on Libraries - Notice Global Web - #GLOBAL BLOGGER - #GLOBAL

[casspurrjoybell-18]

Worthless - Chapter 16 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Asher

I was excited, also nervous but that wasn't the point. Kade was taking me into town, it would be the first time I could remember going out, seeing people and doing things. I honestly didn't care where we were going to do, just that I was going to see somewhere new. Kade looked at me, partly with amusement and the other part concern, as I rushed about excitedly. I pulled on a pair of cargo shorts and a tank top. I still didn't like clothes, more comfortable being nude but people around here wore them so I guess I'd have to. 

He pointed to my feet once I'd turned around. Stifling a groan, I looked for a pair of flip flops, pulling them on with a frown. Shoes were my least favorite, they constricted your feet and prevented you from feeling the earth as you walked. Flip flops, at least, were manageable, they still felt weird though. Once done, we headed down stairs, where Rory was waiting for us by the front door, giving a dramatic sigh of relief when we appeared and throwing his hands up.

"FINALLY. Jeez, I guess some people just can't be on time."

Kade snorted, opening the door.

"I don't even want to hear that from you."

Rory pretended to look wounded as we headed to the parked Hummer. I was weary, getting into the back seat of the monstrous vehicle. I didn't fully trust the thing but Kade reassured me it'd be safe. Even so, I couldn't help but have a death grip on the door as he started the engine. He left it in park until I calmed down, Rory adding in a comment to try not to puke and then we were off. It took just under an hour to get to town by car. My excitement hadn't dimmed in the least. Once I spotted the first building, it actually sky rocketed. I stared in awe at the various things, the town was huge by my standard, plus there were so many people.

More than I'd ever been around at one time. They all went about, heading to their destinations or making conversation, sometimes doing both. I thought that being around the pack was slightly overwhelming but they had nothing on this. I was the last to get out when we parked, not knowing how to open the door. Kade just chuckled, releasing me from the metal prison before showing me how to do it myself. We walked into a store, immediately being greeted by a worker at the door. I hid behind Kade, looking at the plump woman with caution. She seemed nice, if not a little too cheery but looks could be deceiving.

'It's fine Asher, it's her job to greet us.'

I sighed as Kade ran his hand up and down my back, leading me further into the store. It took a long time to get to what we'd originally came for since I kept wandering off or stopping to look at things. I was grateful that Kade hadn't gotten angry with me, instead just smiling with amusement at my constant state of wonder and stream of questions.

'What's this?'

I cocked my head at the strange object. Kade pit it in the cart Rory had gone back to get before answering.

"It's a Kindle."

'What does it do?'

"Well, it has thousands of books on it which people can read."

I snorted.

'I don't think that many books can fit in the little box.'

He just grinned.

"They're e-books. Uh, that means they're electronic."

I still didn't get it but I let it go.

'So who's it for?'

"Oh, it's a Christmas present for McKenna. She's always complaining about not having enough books to read. It's not for awhile, but I figured I might as well get gift shopping over with. Plus, if I do it now, it'll be easier to hide them so no one peeks."

'Christmas? What's that?'

He just stared at my, eyes wide in shock. Unfortunately, Rory had walked up to us as I asked.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CHRISTMAS IS?" he screeched, drawing attention from everyone around us.

I shrank down.

'No.'

"Rory shut up, you're scaring him," Kade turned to me, pulling me into his arms.

"It's alright, love. Christmas is just a holiday. It's a time to spend with people and eat food."

'What's the gift for then?'

"People buy them and give them to each other on Christmas."

'It seems weird to have a holiday for giving gifts. Why don't people give them throughout the year?'

He laughed.

"I don't know. I suppose it is a little weird."

We walked around the store for a little longer and then checked out a few smaller ones. I picked out a few things to give to the others. Rory laughed at a few, particularly a pair of stuffed bunnies I was getting for Jasper and Lucas, though I didn't know why. I thought the bunnies were cute.Once we were done, we dropped the gifts off in the car and then walked to a diner. I instantly liked the place with it dramatic colors. Rory said it was an 'old-timey dinner' that's been in business since he Blackwood Pack settled down here. The smell of cooking meat was the most present, instantly engulfing you.

My stomach rumbling in response. We were led to a booth by a small guy, probably not past seventeen and told our waitress would be with us shortly. I didn't know why but Kade put his arm around me when the boy's eyes wandered in my direction. I didn't mind though and slid into the booth first with Kade right after me. Rory took a seat across from us. A waitress came over after a moment, her breasts almost spilling out of her small dress. She handed us menus while gazing at Kade with a hungry expression. Kade's arm was still around me but she didn't seem to notice or just didn't care. I instantly disliked her.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" she asked in a sickly sweet tone, making my skin crawl.

"Yeah, I'll have a coke and he'll have a Pepsi," he gestured to Rory before looking at me.

"Water?"

I nodded and she wrote it down before letting her gaze once again sweep over Kade. A low growl rumbled in my chest as I glared at her. She looked at me with annoyance before walking away, saying she'll be back in a few minutes to take our orders. 

"What was that about?" Rory smirked as if already knowing the answer.

'I did not like the way she was looking at Kade.'

He blinked at my bluntness, obviously expecting me to have denied it. He just shrugged, smirk still in place. I noticed that Kade was looking at me.

'What?'

"Oh, nothing. I'm just happy you're jealous," he smiled, his eyes catching sight of the boy from earlier.

I just huffed in response. When the waitress came back she gave us our drinks, pulling out a small pad and pen.

"Ready to order?"

They nodded, relaying their orders. Kade looked at me and I pointed at a picture of a chicken and fries. I couldn't read the description but the picture looked delicious. He nodded and told it to the waitress, causing her to snort.

"What, he can't talk for himself?"

Before they could respond I gave her the middle finger. She huffed and left. Rory cracked up while Kade stared in shock.

"Who showed you that?"

'Thalia. She said to do that when someone is annoying and needs to go away.'

"Of course," he sighed.

They talked while we waited. It didn't take long for the waitress to come back. She scowled when she looked at me but it fell once she turned to Kade, morphing her expression into one of innocence but I saw the calculation in her eyes as well as the hunger from before. I didn't trust the way she was looking at him, I didn't like it one bit. It made my stomach turn and I hated the fact that Kade was letting it happen. If this was jealousy, why would he be happy I was feeling it? It was awful.

"Here ya go hot stuff."

Kade cocked a brow at her but didn't comment. She handed us our plates and left, her hips swaying back and forth in an obvious attempt to get Kade's attention. Though he didn't pay any mind, I was still angry. I sank my teeth into Kade's shoulder, making him yelp.

"Ouch. What the heck, Asher?"

I lapped at the mark but didn't answer, my brows furrowed. Rory looked between us but stayed silent. Kade tried to talk to me but I refused, blocking him to talk to Rory. Soon he was sulking. I felt a pain of guilt but it disappeared once the woman came back, a smirk on her face as she saw Kade's downcast face. 

"Here's your bill," she bent over to whisper to Kade, not knowing we could hear her just as easily.

"I gave you my number if you ever wanna hang out."

[elamarth-calmagol]

My mom won't stop asking me about when I'm going to start losing weight whenever I come over. For context, I'm 5'4" and 210 pounds, which is considered obese, and ten years ago I was 125, so I have gained a lot of weight, and no, it's not muscle. I want to get down to about 180 so my clothes will fit better and sports will be easier. I have zero interest in losing weight to make my mom happy. She counts calories and literally has dinners with nothing but vegetables just to not gain weight, and complains that she can't lose any, so she's not a good role model for healthy attitudes about weight. She's still somehow convinced that all I have to do is try for a while to go back down to my old weight.

So she went through basically every anti-fat talking point, including insisting that it's only possible to get type 2 diabetes if you're fat, with the crowning achievement being that eating healthy is not nearly as important as losing weight, and she'd rather me eat McDonalds every day than be obese. Wtf. I told her that her priorities were backwards and she told me I was being irrational. I am also irrational because:

1. I don't want to wipe my students after they use the bathroom (I teach special education) because I don't want to touch other people's kids like that

2. I still don't want to do it even though I'll have gloves (she points out that most parents don't have gloves, which is correct)

3. I think it's possible to catch diseases from doing this, including incurable ones

4. I think people have, throughout history, gotten sick from dealing with their kids' poop

5. I think that there exist nurses and teachers who have gotten HIV and hepititis through their jobs

5. I want to adopt a child who's old enough to be potty trained, instead of having my own children

6. I want to adopt a child at all, even though foster kids tend to have mental health issues

7. I think I would hate being pregnant even though she loved it

8. I think she shouldn't worry about her adult child's weight

She also pointed out that the people in "My 600 Pound Life" are dying, as if being 200 pounds and active is like being 800 pounds and unable to walk. (Sorry to people that describes, but I think that would be a health problem in general. Also, I doubt you get on that show if you're healthy.)

Oh, and that it's messed up that my boyfriend doesn't care about me gaining weight.

She said "where did my smart girl go?" But I'm thinking the same thing about her. She's supposed to be educated. We usually have a good relationship. What is this?

[goneawandering]

🔄 baby Hunt lmao

Oh my God baby Huntly. @shesboundtobruise

It was yet another work day on the farm, thankfully it wasn't a hundred degrees so it made things easier to deal with. They had just finished stacking hay and heading for a break in the house, where Lilli had fresh tea and snacks waiting for them all. He'd added another rip to his jeans while hopping off of the bale cart, which his father was always picking on him for the rips he constantly had in his work jeans, but Hunt liked the look. Meant he was doing something right in his head, even if that's not how things really worked. His Iron Maiden shirt had the sleeves cut off to make it easier to move around, today he wore his dark brown cowboy hat instead of his usual baseball cap.

Seventeen, all legs and arms at the moment, he was still working on bulking up more but that would come with time. He just didn't know that yet, then he'd start complaining about struggling to find shirts that fit right and his wardrobe would almost consist entirely of cut t-shirts. Scraping his boot through the little hedgehog on the porch so his momma didn't go off about tracking mud and dirt into the house, following his younger brother and father inside as the cool air hit them. Well, it hadn't felt that hot out, but being the house made it seem that way.

Swiping the exact sandwich Jer was reaching for, Hunt gave him a smirk and went to sit on the front porch to eat his lunch. Momma had closed up all of the windows out there and left the kitchen door open, Lilli was sitting in a rocker with her own lunch watching the birds flit about a tree. Plopping into a chair, receiving a light scolding about sitting down properly for the hundredth time that week, he glanced at his mom and dad. "Is it alright if Lou comes over tonight?"

"Isn't she here almost every night?" Jer teased and Hunt threw a pillow at him.

Lilli huffed a soft laugh, Barry shrugging a shoulder in response. "Why not? As Jer said, she's here nearly every night anyway. Just remember to close the gate if you go into the back field." "I forgot to close it once-"

"Three times, thank you very much," Lilli teased and looked to her son, shaking her head. "And the bulls are out there right now, the last thing we need is them getting loose."

"The other field is empty, right?" Hunt wait for Barry to nod. "Alright...if we go out we'll go into that one."

"Don't forget you have practice in the morning," Lilli point to him.

"I know. But that doesn't start until 10, and then the rodeo starts at 6:30 I think." Rubbing his chest, sitting back in the chair as he sent Lou a text, smiling to himself as he read their last few messages to each other.

[thefanficmonster]

hey, darlin’! im not sure if you do this or not, but could you do headcanons where the reader is dating randy and also works at the video store? have a lovely day!

My first Randy request let's goooooo

Enjoy the headcanons hun 💕

Pairing: Randy Meeks x Reader (Gender Neutral) [Scream 1996]

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Humor

!THE HCS ARE SPOILER FREE!

- You've always been a dreamer, one that dreams big

- But to move on up the list of goals you have to achieve, you have two hinderances

- First you need to graduate high school which you have another year and a few months until you can accomplish

- And the second is moving out of Woodsboro

- For that second one, you'll have a bit more trouble

- Your parents don't want you to move away and instead want you to find yourself a job after high school and stick around until further notice

- To that you say 'Hell the fuck no'

- So, knowing you won't have any financial support from them on your moving quest, you were determined to find yourself a job

- To say you've flipped the town upside down looking for even the lowest paying position would be an understatement

- You were prepared to work two jobs if that's what it took to save more money

- And that's what happened eventually, you found a waitressing job in a restaurant where you’d only cover the night shift

- But you need more than the weak money they offered to pay you so you also tried out for any type of position at the video store you and your friends frequented

- The owner didn't want to have to pay another worker, of course, claiming the place didn't need another pair of hands

- "Oh come one, sir, the place is filthy! And super freaking unorganized! I'm sorry to say but whatever workers you already have are slacking." You negotiated with the man who just rolled his eyes in response

- "We're not slacking!" Another voice complained, alerting you and the owner to look to the shelves where a worker was returning videos that had been previously rented

- "It's too much work for one person per shift, not our fault." He explains, turning his attention back to his task as the owner groans in frustration

- "Sounds to me like you're looking for a new job, Meeks. Don't make me kick your sorry ass out the door." The older man warned the boy before turning back to you and motioning for you to follow him out of earshot of his employee

- "You have a point, the place needs....some help. Would you be alright to work between the shifts? Like, help with the latter half of the first shift and the first half of the second shift. That's when all the bustle goes on."

- You were more than alright with it

- The first week of working there, Karen, a girl that didn't seem to be a fan of yours, worked the morning shift while that worker that you saw worked the evening shift

- You didn't want to jinx it but even you admitted that it was easy money for even easier work

- You almost felt like you didn't deserve to earn the money because the majority of the time, especially after the second shift started, you were just sitting around along with the boy you found out is named Randy

- "Isn't it about time you leave? I mean, don't take this like me chasing you out, just...thought you might've forgotten...." He spoke up after maybe twenty minutes of silence in the store

- "I could leave but....I really don't feel like going home, you know. I'll stick around for a bit longer..." You answered, only then having realized how much you dreaded going home

- Your parents wouldn't get off your case for finding jobs while still in school and would do everything to guilt trip you into dropping the idea of moving

- And you seriously weren't having it

- "Am I that great company?" He asked jokingly, causing you to snicker from across the store where you were sitting atop a lower shelf

- "You'd be surprised, but you aren't the worst I've ever had." You told him, making him flash you a charming smile

- Ok, maybe 'charming' is a bit much, 'goofy' fits it better

- “Then we might as well get to know each other better, huh?” He offered and you found yourself agreeing before you could even think twice about it

- By the time closing hours rolled around you two found yourselves sitting on the same shelf, chatting about literally everything and nothing simultaneously

- You sweeped the floors, locked up and aid your goodbyes but before you could walk over to where your bike was parked, Randy called out to you

- “Yeah?”

- “Wanna...um, go somewhere? You know, to continue our conversation?” He asked hesitantly

- Bless the darkness around you, that’s the only thing that shielded your blush from his gaze

- “I’d love to, Randy, but I have my second job waiting for me.” You felt genuinely upset that you weren’t able to accept his invitation but one reminder of your dreams and you picked your mood back up and rode away on your bike

- Unfortunately, that reminder wasn’t enough to push Randy Meeks out of your head for the rest of the night

- The following day at the video store was much like the previous:

- Creepy Karen avoiding talking to you

- Chatting with Stu and Billy who stopped by

- Greeting Randy when he came in to take over the second shift

- You’d be lying if you said you weren’t excited to see him again

- Little did you know, the feeling was mutual

- “You plan on sticking around till closing again?” He asked you through a whisper as you were walking past each other between two shelves at the back of the store

- The skin on your neck prickled with goosebumps at the sound of his voice and the feeling of his breath that close to your ear but you still found it in you to nod without even previously considering whether you would actually stick around till closing hours

- You wouldn’t have said no regardless

- “Good.” He said, once again in a whisper, before giving you a smile and walking off, leaving you there a blushing mess

- You would’ve squealed too if only there weren’t costumers around

- The reason he was so curious as to your arrangement of time was revealed shortly after the so called ‘dead’ period took over

- Basically the time of day with practically zero people coming in, leaving just the two of you in the store

- You had just finished putting away some science fiction videos before walking to the back where, to your immeasurable surprise, you found Randy setting up some food on a lower shelf, a candle lit between the two plastic plates 

- “You have a date coming?” You asked, leaning against one of the shelves, biting your lip at the glow of the candle reflecting in his eyes

- He chuckled, his smile shimmering, making him look so playful and boyish, it was adorable

- “They’re already here.” He replied, his gaze sizing you up in a way that filled your stomach with butterflies, “Rain check for yesterday.”

- You couldn’t help but blush once again, “Must say, I didn’t peg you for a romantic, Meeks. With all that horror movie talk, never once did I think you were into lovey-dovey shenanigans like this.”

- “Well, Y/N, as you’ll come to find out, I’m full of surprises.”

- He kept that promise, that’s for sure.

- The two of you have been dating since that night and he’s stayed true to his words, always finding new ways to surprise you with different aspects of himself

- For example, it’s surprised you how much Randy is into PDA

- He doesn’t care whether there are two or twenty two costumers in the store, if he wants to he will kiss you

- First it started off shy and innocent and out of view of other people but neither of you has any fucks to give left over

- Half a year ago you quit your job at the restaurant, freeing up more time to spend with your boyfriend

- Even when you aren’t on shift, you’ll drop by to consult him on a movie, flirting back and forth as if you’re strangers and as if you’re definitely not gonna watch the movie together later that same evening

- He doesn’t exactly give off that kind of vibe but trust me, if you catch Randy at the right time and in the right mood, he can’t keep his hands off you

- Nor his lips off yours

- Your friends have busted you countless times, always breaking up your make-out session with a loud ‘The owner’s here!’ warning

- But that trick got old already so now they’ve turned more to the likes of an air horn

- Curtesy of Stu, that goes without saying

- What they never see is how, when you two aren’t getting busy, you have deep conversations

- Some shallow ones too, but that’s not the point

- You’ve never been able to talk to someone so much and still like it before

- You might be biased and you may or may not space out mid-convo sometimes just to admire your boyfriend’s facial features, but that’s besides the point

- What matters is how much your life has changed as a result of Randy’s presence in it 

- Since his entry a year and a half ago, you’ve made modifications for your plans after high school, making sure they involve your boyfriend 

- You’ve never been happier but that’s what you say tell yourself every day, so basically, every day just keeps getting better

[internetcompanynews]

More Political and Physical Attacks on Libraries - Journal Important Internet - BLOGGER https://www.merchant-business.com/more-political-and-physical-attacks-on-libraries/?feed_id=153150&_unique_id=66add57b88109 Katie’s parents never told her “no” when she asked for a book, which was the start of most of her problems. She has a BA in Creative Writing from Lake Forest College and is working towards a master’s degree in library science at U of I. She works full time at a public library reference desk in northern IL, specializing in readers’ advisory and general book enthusiasm, and she has a deep-rooted love of all things disturbing, twisted, and terrifying. (She takes enormous pleasure in creeping out her coworkers.) When she’s not spending every waking hour at the library, she’s at home watching Cubs baseball with her cats and her cardigan collection, and when she’s not at home, she’s spending too much money on concert tickets. Her hobbies include debating the finer points of Harry Potter canon, hitting people upside the head who haven’t read The Martian, and convincing her boyfriend that she can, in fact, fit more books onto her shelves.Tessa Thompson is starring in and executive producing an adaptation of His & Hers by Alice Feeney.Sony has acquired two of Liz Moore’s novels for adaptation.Updates on Amazon’s series adaptation of Fourth Wing.An update on Bridgerton, Season 4. The Court of Thorns and Roses TV series faces another setback as the showrunner exits the production.Trailer for Season 2 of Pachinko.24 new and upcoming book adaptations in 2024. Google News Censorship NewsThe ongoing censorship of high school AP courses. From NPR’s Code Switch podcast: “Not a badge of honor:” How book bans affect Indigenous literature. From the US Department of Education: Book bans aren’t just bad policy — they raise civil rights issues as well. EveryLibrary released a statement about Project 2025 and how it would affect libraries.More states are passing book banning rules. Here’s what they say. Lake Travis ISD (TX) adopted a (flawed) new book challenge policy.The Selby Public Library (FL) had to evacuate after a man came into the library and made a bomb threat.The Nassau County School District (FL) is claiming in a lawsuit that the school’s decision to ban books constitutes government speech, which is not protected by the First Amendment.Pinellas County School Board (FL) candidate Danielle Marolf is going around complaining that Gender Queer in the school libraries. Except…it isn’t! The superintendent banned the book in 2021! The Volusia County Council (FL) just abolished its library advisory board.(Paywalled): A look at the various ways that contentious books go missing in Massachusetts libraries.Virginia governor Glenn Youngkin appointed a book banner to the state board of education, who ALSO happens to be the daughter of Antonin Scalia.The chilling effects of Georgia’s “divisive concepts” law. The Clay City Manager (AL) told library board members that they could no longer purchase religious books for the collection in an effort to avoid lawsuits from political groups. Again, this is a local elected official who has no education or expertise in library matters trying to take over library operations, although thankfully the city has since backtracked.Arkansas State University received a bomb threat targeted against the library and the student union.The Francis Howell School District (MO) is backpedaling on a policy proposal that would make it easier to challenge books.The St. Joseph School District’s Board of Education (MO) will decide on the fate of The Bluest Eye next month.The Dayton Metro Library (OH) has and always will protect and promote the right to have access. “In an escalation of Michigan’s book wars, the Alpena County Board of Commissioners on Tuesday began the process of firing all members of its public library board over their handling of a handful of children and teen books with sexual themes.”After public pushback,

the Lansing School District (MI) is backing away from its original plan to cut all school librarian positions. The state of book bans: Wisconsin’s battle with “parental rights.” Durango Public Library (CO) has strengthened its book challenge policy in order to stay in compliance with the state’s recent anti-book ban law.The North Idaho Community Library Network has declined to change its policy on kids accessing materials, which is good because the proposal included a restriction on all children’s library cards to prevent them from checking out any adult materials, even if their parents already approved access.A group of Idaho lawyers have filed a lawsuit against the state’s new library materials bill. Washoe County (NV) libraries have canceled all future Drag Story Hour events due to escalating safety concerns.A Maricopa (AZ) resident wants to see the city adopt a “code of conduct” for LGBTQ library books.While book ban attempts have increased nationally, the Corvallis-Benton County Public Library (OR) has kept challenges low. Lodi Unified School District (CA) has dissolved its book review committee after the committee mistakenly took votes on the status of three titles, even though it was only meant to act in an advisory capacity. Plus, one of the high school librarians speaks about about how staff were instructed to use BookLooks to review recently purchased titles, and how some of the books went “missing” from the order until the community brought it up with the superintendent.Google News Books & Authors in the NewsWhy your local indie bookstore might not have Hillbilly Elegy in stock this week (or ever).Irish author Edna O’Brien has died at 93. Francine Pascal, the creator of the Sweet Valley High series, has died at 92. Google News Numbers & TrendsThe bestselling books of the week. The most-read books on Goodreads last week.The short shelf-life of the White House tell-all. Google News Award NewsThe 2024 Booker Prize longlist has been released.In Ascension by Martin MacInnes has won the 2024 Arthur C. Clarke Award.The winners of the 2024 TikTok Book Awards have been announced.Google News Bookish Curiosities & MiscellaneousWhy don’t straight men read novels? (I didn’t realize this was a thing…)Cambridge Dictionary adds over 3200 new words. When poetry used to be an actual Olympic sport. Why rare book collectors go after books made with poisonous materials. Google News On the RiotWhat does it mean when a book makes you forget that you were reading? Google News And Here’s a Cat Photo!Wednesday was Dini’s fourth Gotcha Day! So here’s one of my favorite photos of our little Doodle. He has so much personality and he gives the best couch snuggles (when he feels like it). And just look at dat face!All right, friends. That’s all I have, but I’ll be back on Tuesday!—Katie McLain Horner, @kt_librarylady on Twitter.“Library bomb threats, poisonous book collectors, and more of this week’s must-read library news…”Source Link: https://bookriot.com/more-political-and-physical-attacks-on-libraries/ http://109.70.148.72/~merchant29/6network/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/1722666608_441_pexels-photo-6453484.jpeg More Political and Physical Attacks on Libraries - Journal Important Internet - #GLOBAL BLOGGER - #GLOBAL