#autistic nervous systems are wild

[skaldish]

sorry for the incovinience, but I read this, and as neurodivergent medical student I'm very curious. Do you have any resources or recommend (websites,books,etc) about neurodiversity from a neurology,psychiatry pov? (especially from a neurodivergent health professional or science expert) Because it so hard to found those (mainly bc the missinformation and ableism), most books in my college's library are not updated :(.

not to mention some doctors have said some wild ableist shit (and even some medical students) :(

I don't have much, but I have directions I can point you towards. (I need to update it, but any sources I do find generally go on my brain blog @prefrontal-bastard.)

First, I highly reccomend the Neuroclastic website for autistic perspectives. This website is by and for autistic folks and features a multitude of people with different expertise and backgrounds, including scientists. I imagine any pertinent developments in our understanding of neurodiversity would probably appear on that website.

I also know the AIR Network Model's website has scientific articles on trauma and dissociation, so I recommend looking into them too.

I'd also look into the MNRI PTSD Recovery Protocol by Svetlana Masgutova, Ph.D. I'm not sure if she's neurodivergent herself, but I would hardly be surprised if she is.

I recommend this because the studies behind her protocol reveal some extremely telling things about neurodiversity and its relationship with trauma. I have one of her books and it goes into the entire neuroscience and testing behind it, but unfortunately copyright laws means I can't, like...share the charts. This approach seems to be the direction the science is taking us on regarding neurodiversity though, so it might be the "in" you're looking for in terms of a non-ableist medical framework.

(The breakdown though, because this shit's fascinating:

Traumatic stressors can cause our nervous systems to blow like overloaded circuits. This causes our primitive reflexes [patterns of movements that reflect the core operating system of mindbody interface] to re-emerge, or to fail to integrate if the trauma was during babyhood.

Evidently, retaining 35% or more of the known reflex patterns produces the symptoms associated with things like sensory processing disorder, autism, ADHD, cerebral palsy, anxiety, or emotional dysregulation. It even contributes to depression and dyslexia.

Dysregulated reflexes can impact damn near anything: cognition, attention, coordination, disposition, emotional reactions, visual /auditory / spacial perception, pain perception and threshold, body growth, mood, and even the function of our digestive and immune systems.

From what I understand, certain primitive reflexes correlate with certain disorders. Apparently the Startle Reflex / Fear Paralysis Reflex and Moro Reflex are highly correlated with Autism diagnosis. Other reflexes potentially contribute to it since this is not a "rigid categories" thing, but those are the two her book is citing in particular here.

You can actually re-integrate these reflexes with exercises, which initially thought was fucking bogus until I tried it and suddenly could perceive and conceptualize things I didn't realize I couldn't before, as well as perceive parts of my body I didn't realize I couldn't perceive before [like my spine].

You can actually find integration exercises on youtube. It's an Occupational Therapy thing, but since it's new and emerging it's not something the average OT knows how to do yet, I'm afraid.

Also, important note: Some reflexes take longer to integrate, others don't. They might have to be integrated in a certain sequence depending on which ones are retained, but I'm not sure what all the sequences are.

Rule of thumb for anyone reading this: If the internal experience of "being you" sucks ass in any way, check your primitive reflexes. It ain't a curse and it ain't the devil, you might just need recalibrating.)

Hope this helps!

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

I'm in such a "Humanity is Good, Actually" Mindspace Right now.

It feels kinda weird to be sitting at such a positive baseline attitude, but I really like it. I couldn't imagine feeling this way two years ago.

Like yeah, Shit is bad. The world is getting hotter and more wild, But things are changing for the Better, at least personally, and as I improve, I can improve it in turn!

More people are speaking out against injustice, and the climate, and thing are changing.

Even as smoke from a distant wild fire wraps around my home, It'll blow past in time. I know it will. It always has.

I don't have the eloquence and the focus to describe each and every way that I love life and the things and people in it, despite the hardships, despite the cruelty that I've been through and suffered, as well as the pain that I took and used to hurt others, I've Changed.

I'm not just trying to be wallpaper, With my chin up, head down, eyes forward, mouth shut, with my back against the wall to stay out of the way. I'm learning to to carve my out my own space instead, and put myself together, and be myself, instead of trying to break myself down, to hide and be so unobstructive and noticeable that I end up hating myself when I stand out.

I feel good about myself, and the future, and where I'm going and What I'm doing.

I spent so long trying to be anyone else, to be able to do whatever was asked of me, and just grit my teeth no matter how uncomfortable or bad I felt doing something, but now?

Now I can do kinda whatever I want.

Yeah, I still need to work on voicing my discomfort, and yeah some things you just need to suck up and take care of (Doctors make me so GD nervous) But I'm good.

The World is Good.

People are good.

I feel good.

There are good and bad things about everyone. Some people just don't mesh with each other, I know that, I've had to deal with it a lot because of just how different I am from my siblings.

I know I have low empathy, and I'm easily irritable. But I have a lot of compassion and hate seeing people sad.

I choose to be good, to try and not take any sour mood out on people when they make a mistake unrelated to my mood.

I am good because I choose to be. Because after so long of the hell that is/was covid, and the true nightmare of an experience that is Not getting seen as Autistic/ADHD when in the American Public School System, I can finally be myself.

I can smile with my crooked teeth, complain about the texture of Paper, wear my hair long and in a ponytail, and when I want to go outside for a moment to breathe? I can. I don't need to ask permission, I just can step outside the building for a minute.

I'm excited for the future. Scared, yes, but excited.

Sorry for the rambling, but y'know.

Life :)

[superfacies]

seeing people say DID systems don't mask is WILD. we mask so much i, as the one who manages everything around here, had to create a whole character with a made up personality and we practice saying lines like our "singularsona" would to chat with people without them noticing something wrong

even before we knew what plurality even is i was practicing acting like my singular neurotypical persona and i wrote scripts in my notes app to make small talk with people and to talk to the cashier at the store because i thought "if i don't have a script i will 'lose control of my words'" which was basically switching because we were nervous

my first reaction when we were told about being a system (it was a 2 hour long talk with my therapist at the time, before being officially diagnosed) was "oh, so i have to never let this 'switching' happen again or else i wont be in control. i have to make up a better fake personality, one that will please more people so i wont get nervous and lose control"

and this is how i created a just very slightly autistic little uwu boy that everyone in the system Hated. i did too. we all hated pretending to be him but we had like no inner communication whatsoever back then and i didnt know of any other way we could effectively hide without using that weird pastel pink fairy boy as a mask

and we pretended to be him for two whole years before finally being able to start talking about plurality with someone. but when we did, when we told our therapist how our masking for both DID and autism was exhausting and we hated it she said "but... but DID systems don't mask, evan. idk what youre doing but its not masking." and that was weirdly heartbreaking. like, i knew for a fact that wasn't true because i intentionally created a mask for us and i intentionally "put it on" every day and it sucked and now yoire telling me im not actually masking because according to your little criteria list DID systems don't mask???????

i know it wasnt her intention but that invalidated our years of struggling trying to look "normal" and literally acting like a character we created (it even had a special name: evanfawn) just so people wouldn't be freaked out by us, and even that wasn't enough because i didnt have control over all of my headmates and i had no way of communicating with them other than through the journal we kept because of amnesia, and even then most of them didn't even look at the journal.

maybe not all systems mask, but oh boy we sure do. to this day, we mask A LOT. but we do it better now because most of my hms are cooperating and nice and we communicate much better to combine our memories and details we know about people and topics to be able to write a long blog post as three or more people but sounding like its only one.

[im30letmedoomscroll]

Reflections On Stimming

I am constantly stimming. I have been more or less constantly stimming since the day I came out of my mother's vagina.

I also pick up new stims if I see a person doing them in the wild then I will adopt them. But, I've got some favorites that have carried me through all my years.

I have organized this from bottom to top:

Feet: I am almost consistently wiggling my toes. I prefer to wear sandals for this reason, for better wiggling. Plus, sweaty toes are the worse thing ever. I also rub my feet together like a cricket. If I am sitting in a wooden chair or stool then I will melodically bump my ankle bones against the support poles until those around me BEG me to stop. The soft pain and the sound and the movement come together like a release.

Legs: If I have to not stim while sitting, then I will jiggle my legs. One leg if I'm having a neutral time, both if I am sitting on my hands trying to mask. If I'm having a nice time watching TV and my legs are stretched out then I will also rock them back and forth.

I pace. I pace pathways into apartment carpets. I pace the souls of my shoes off prematurely. I pace in little squares. I change the shape of my legs as I walk in satisfying ways. The pacing is good.

I did not think of myself as a rocker. However, I recently was talking to a witch about a stone and she asked me to make my body like a pendulum to ask the soul of my friend if it was right for her and this witch was beside herself that I continued to gently rock as I entered my prayer space. I asked my wife about the rocking and she said that I only do it sometimes. I am annoyed that my body could do something that I hadn't noticed like that before.

If I have to wear an unpleasant waistband then I might tap my waist to distract myself from the unpleasantness.

In my hands, I like to trace the word "ella" which has been stuck in my head since Spanish class when I was 14. I also do finger tappies, where I use my thumb to tap each finger. I will also tap different parts of my face if I need to focus and the light is too loud or something. Rubbing things with a good texture is amazing, I love ceramic mugs for this. A couple years ago, my wife started buying me fidget toys. Sure that I would love them and that they would be helpful. She was right.

I pick - mostly at my hands until I bleed. I peel layers of skin off. This is something I've gone to great lengths to control. I also scratch until I cause injury if I don't stop myself. I think that I stim as self-harm when I am not listening to my body, usually pre-meltdown.

When I was a sophomore in HS, I saw my friend flap her hands and I knew I was a hand flapper. I was surprised by how autistic it made her look and so I committed to not flapping my hands, this is something I only do if I've lost my center. To be clear, I hadn't been diagnosed as autistic and she had, I absolutely had internalized ableism going on.

If something is particularly unholy to my nervous system, then I will recoil. My shoulders conduct a sort of wave or full body shiver.

I also stim with sounds and words that are enticing. I repeat them over and over and over. I wrap my mouth around them and scrunch them through the space between the neurons of my brain. I sing them. I hold my breath for the space of the sound and let it out in ways that sound interesting.

If I am at home and my bra's too tight and I've had to wear jeans for too long (I hate jeans) and my hair is pulling too tight and I need to brush my teeth and the light is too loud and the sound is too bright then I will run around while I fix it and let out a satisfying "AHHHHHHHH".

I count. Usually to 10, Sometimes until my brain thinks of a problem to solve or an argument to have.

Honestly, there are more. Stimming for me is a constant activity during my waking hours, I have tried for many years to control my stimming. I can redirect it, if I need to, into another stim but this requires I direct part of my brain energy into redirection which creates the drive to add a 2nd stim. But I can only hold off on stimming for as long as I can hold in my brain the idea that I need to stop the stimming from happening. This is a deeply boring thought that I do not hold for long.

I stim for joy, for self-regulation, to help me focus - like helping bring my thoughts in line or centering my insides. If I need to solve a problem then I stim because it helps to focus my energy in a particular direction. If I am watching a new tv show then I will shake both my legs and do finger tappies to help process the show; if I like the show then I will remember absurd details and dissect ridiculous plot holes and beg questions that nobody thought of. My stimming focuses my attention, but it also is how I process other feelings like joy and surprise.

It's part of my makeup, and for a very-very long time, I thought it was something wrong with me that I had to desperately control. If I ever get to sit in front of a person who could diagnose me as autistic, and they find that I have a makeup that follows patterns similar to the autistic community this is something that I will always be grateful for learning to accept about myself from my autistic friends.

[brightlotusmoon]

Re: TMNT Michelangelo having ADHD in canon and being autistic in fanfics.

I found this comment in an ADHD support group, and it describes Mikey perfectly.

"I can often tell by looking at a person that they have ADHD - that they are empathic, that they have high intuiton and are very "imaginative". Sometimes, a photo will catch it, too!"

More and more people in the fandom headcanon Mikey with ADHD, but they don't have to, it's already canon.

I've been nudging Mikey's Autistic traits for years, because Donnie was stereotyped as an autistic nerd since the late 2000s. In 2012, 2003, and 2016, I like to think Leo is also autistic. Rise Raph, too.

There are many ways to be autistic, not just Donatello.

See. As a spectrum we're a Mobius Strip, an Ouroboros, a color wheel, never a line. No mild or severe, no high or low, just varying traits and presentation.

(The autistic advocate community as a whole prefers " is autistic" to "has autism" since we see it as defining and identifying, how our brains are wired. It falls on the individual to say if they prefer Identity First Language or Person First Language.)

[padawansuggest]

Modern Din Djarin wears over the ear headphones (a super expensive shiny silver brand that he worked hard to buy) about 95% of the day (not unusual for people with ear sensitivity I do the same) because he used to get meltdowns in public when he could hear too many people. Grogu is his 3 year old autistic son that doesn’t speak other than random burbles (this might change, some of us learn to talk way later, but likely it won’t) and so since Din didn’t wanna give up the headphone comfort, he just taught the baby to sign and so they sign in public. Luke, having been raised by an autistic father and uncle (as all Jedi have at least some level of neurodivergence) decided to become an autistic child teacher and meets them one day at the grocery store when it’s just a little too crowded and Din is starting to look nervous with even his security system while Grogu is starting to look bored and cranky, so Luke helped calm Din down by handing him a random fidget toy he keeps on his person (for both handing them to children and Anakin when things get wild) and Din legit just pulls the cart to the side of one of the grocery areas for a hot minute to calm down while Luke (who at least introduced himself lmao) is making funny faces at a mildly interested Grogu, and by the time Din calms down, the area he needed to go to next is less wild and he can do it without a panic attack and Luke just grins and gives him his card and wanders off back to his preferred meandering grab-and-go without a shopping list, because he’s still a Skywalker who thrives off chaos and now Din is trying to figure out if another adult decided he was cute, or helpless. Could be either. Who fuckin knows.

[eco-nnect]

Why people are boycotting eating turkey for thanksgiving

After the American Civil War, the United Sates have made Thanksgiving a national holiday to commemorate “the first Thanksgiving” where the Pilgrims and the Natives shared a meal as a sign of “peace” (the Pilgrims killed the Natives after the dinner) to show gratitude for the upcoming fall and the blossoming of its crops. There is no historical evidence that points out that turkey was served at the dinner table, it is more likely they shared deer and/or duck. It wasn’t until the end of the civil war that the holiday became nationalized as a sign of national union—and turkey started to be served. There are various theories on why turkey began to play its central role in the festivities, but the main and most reliable theory is based on the fact that by autumn, farm animals such as chicken and cows are still productive, laying down eggs and producing milk. Whilst turkeys do not have any other “productive” or consuming function other than live and then die to get eaten.

Due to the tradition, in the 20th century the wild turkey started te become extinct, this made the food industry develop new reproductive and feeding systems that would multiply turkeys and make them larger and cheaper. This outbreak allowed the vegetarians and scientific community to take a step forward and speak out for the rights of turkeys.

"Humans seem to take a perverse pleasure in attributing stupidity to animals when it is almost entirely a question of human ignorance." -Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson

Here is a list with facts about the life of a turkey:

The nervous system of a turkey is very similar to that of mammals. They suffer physical pain and human emotions such as fear, anxiety, frustration, boredom, pleasure, and enjoyment.

Turkeys hold complex social relationships where they can communicate through visual and vocal means.

Turkeys have been observed to display an overwhelming amount of concern and emotion for an injured or dying bird. When a factory-farmed turkey has a convulsive heart attack, it can cause other birds around it to die, arguing the strong sensibility in these birds.

Veterans and autistic people have used turkeys as emotional support pets since their senses can detect when they are experiencing anxiety or when an attack mig

ht occur.

Turkeys have a “happy dance” where they show excitement and joy by the display of ducking and dodging, with wings outstretched and a frisky shake of the head.

Turkeys need each other, whenever a turkey is removed from its group, the turkeys squawk in protest until they are reunited.

These birds mourn the death of a flock member and can anticipate the pain of others.

The production line of factory-farmed turkeys produce more than one bird per second, causing a harmful and oppressing work environment for the factory workers where they cannot move from their assigned position. These workers are usually immigrants with minimum wage salary.

45 million years of evolution separate turkeys from chickens.

Turkeys can run at speeds of up to 25 miles per hour and fly as fast as 55 miles per hour.

[mooncruiser]

Homeworld Bound Analysis

I love the further introduction to the types of trauma therapy the Diamonds now provide. We now have:

White Diamond - Mind - Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Blue Diamond - Emotions - Psychiatry/Medication

Yellow Diamond - Body - Physical Therapy/Surgery

But we don't fully understand Pink's therapy, do we? I have a theory.

As a person with C-PTSD myself who's done research for quite some time on trauma, it's become fairly clear to me that trauma is stored in the body, more specifically the nervous system. This is probably why all the above therapies typically don't work for the traumatized, chronic or not. Yes, some people recover from just these kinds, but others have their symptoms exacerbated or you only get so far. Hence Steven being terrified and running away ( should've at least given the guy some distraction techniques, but I digress it's a cartoon...)

So what actually seems to work is therapy like EMDR, somatic experiencing therapy, and dance movement therapy. @buzzheadchick reminded me of equine therapy, service dogs or emotional support cats also being really helpful in treating trauma. Possibly even occupational therapy for autistic folk could help them learn to love themselves and stim more often (Maybe not for trauma, but just in general). Just like a wild animal will get to safety, then shake off the stressful event and go about their day as if they weren't about to die. Finding that equilibrium of calm between the highs of anxiety and angry outbursts and the lows of dissociation in order to process the event with a sound mind.

Also; I think it's interesting to note how Steven may finally understand Pink's idea for Steven loving himself for being human, that he has the chance to grow up and he's not stuck just being a Diamond. The credits theme and driving away animation giving a bit of it away :)

[trashyocstash]

i should've done this a while ago, but anyways, here's an updated list of all my ocs. descriptions and generally from the original.

rick and morty

julie:

my version of rick’s wife from the show “rick and morty”. she’s a very kind, sweet, loving, caring and forgiving person with a big heart. she’s also a huge hopeless romantic and has dreamed of love since she was a little girl, but the problem is, julie is painfully shy, quiet and gets easily nervous and scared. so for the longest time, finding a partner was difficult, until she met and fell in love with rick.

in addition to loving romance, julie also loves to read books, make food, listen to music, stargaze and is a huge girly girl. she likes to wear pretty clothes, make-up and jewelry. she does have a tomboy side, seen in her love of adventure with rick, but overall is very girly and feminine.

during the story, julie is 27 years old. she’s from the 1970s and was born in 1951, the rick/julie story takes place in 1978.

mark:

mark is one of julie’s best friends. he’s a peace-loving, goofy and friendly hippie, but don’t make him angry or you’ll regret it. he has a big kind heart, and likes to help people, he sees a lot of injustice in the world and wants it to be a better place. he’s the comic relief type.

he has a learning disability, and also suffers from severe depression, but lives in a world where mental health is taboo, so he tries to deal with it as best he can. his goofiness is really an attempt to hide his pain with a smile, he doesn’t want his friends to know he’s suffering.

he also really loves sci-fi and superheros, big comic nerd. he loves franchises like stars and star trek.

mark is 26 years old during the story, but as he was born in 1951 as well, he’s on the verge of turning 27. his love interest is vivian.

vivian:

julie’s other best friend, they’ve known each other since they were babies. vivian is more short-tempered and serious, not usually seen with a smile on her face. but despite the fact she comes of callous and humorless, she does have a good heart deep down and cares for others deeply, just isn’t the best at showing it.

she likes reading books, and secretly shares julie love of romance, and reads julie’s books on her, but tries to hide it.

she’s also bisexual, but due to the stigma surrounding lgbt people in the 70s, she avoids relationships with women. mark is her love interest.

vivian is also 27 years old during the story.

chris:

the son of rick and julie, and younger brother of beth, christopher “chris” sanchez looks like rick, but his personality is closer to julie’s.

he has an encyclopedia-level knowledge of plants, and works as a botanist. as a child, he also had his own garden in the backyard that julie helped him with. he and julie were also very close, in part due to rick being an absent father, and was devastated when she passed away when he was only 14. this, combined with rick being an absent father and abandoning him at only 11 caused chris to develop abandonment issues.

chris is very friendly and kind, and tends to patient and understanding. however, dealing with his family can cause him to become sour pretty quickly, as they won’t deal with their problems properly and don’t react well when julie is mentioned. on a side note, he’s also the only one who has dealt with her death properly and visits her grave every mother’s day to lay the same flowers they planted in his garden together, and to let her know that if she’s still out there in some way, that she’s still loved and cared about.

she ra

flameria:

flameria is the princess of tambora and also…an arsonist, she just can’t help but light things on fire. she has a very excitable, extroverted personality and is filled with energy. she yells a lot and can be a bit…much for people…also huge lesbian.

flameria can control fire and survive in extremely hot temperatures, it’s why she can live a volcano.

she’s dating @glampyra‘s oc jungleira.

duerma:

duerma is the princess or nubelaria, and has a very serene, gentle and mellow personality. she also has the ability to enter people's dreams, which she uses to help people. in addition, duerma can generate, control and manipulate clouds.

she is also known to he very patient and understanding, perhaps due to her dream ability.

crash bandicoot

kallipso:

kallipso is a tiger quoll, and is dating pinstripe. she has a cutesy vintage aesthetic going on, and also named herself.

undead ocs

leila:

leila died more recently, so she's still having some trouble adjusting to the afterlife, but thankfully for her, she has her friends and black cat spooks to help.

she has a cheerfully morbid personality, and likes making dark jokes. leila likes to stay positive and keep a smile on her face at all times, feeling it's for the best.

leila is also 20 years old, and died by drowning in algae-infested waters while she was unconscious, evident in her green skin and hair. her love interest is edgar, and she helps him learn more about the modern world.

edgar:

edgar died in 1924 when he was 23, accidentally getting electrocuted on the job. he's the most adjusted to life in the afterlife, and helps teach leila more about it. because he died in the 20s, he also sometimes spits out 20s slang, and leila, being his girlfriend, is the only one that understands him.

he has a hardworking personality and doesn't quit, even when he should. he has a more realistic view of the world, which is why he appreciates and admires leila's endless joy and optimism.

raine:

raine died in 1986 of an eye infection at 21. she has asperger's syndrome, which is why she's so intently interested in fashion and history, and can ramble on about both for hours.

raine loves to make fashions, and likes combing her interest of history into it as well. she makes clothes for her friends and boyfriend servius, just out of the kindness of her heart.

as she's autistic, raine is also very shy and quiet. she has trouble socializing, but her friends and servius are trying to help her out as best they can. it's also why she had the worst reaction to entering the afterlife, realizing she was dead and couldn't see her friends and family and couldn't go home sent her spiraling. but she's thankfully doing better now.

grant:

grant died of pneumonia at 22 in 2017, a result of his weak immune system. so because of that, grant is a germaphobe and perfectionist. he doesn't like messes, even though since he's dead, he can't catch any type of disease anymore.

he's also gay and dating xavier, but his overprotective and sheltering parents thought his homosexuality was just a phase and always dismissed it. as they sheltered him, and his weak immune system meant he didn't get out much, grant is terrible at socializing and is nervous to try new things. but he's getting there, slowly but surely.

as sad as it is, grant is more free dead than he ever was alive.

xavier:

xavier died at 25 in 2015 after falling off a cliff while hiking, as he wasn't looking where he was going. he has adhd and so tends to get easily distracted and forgetful.

xavier loves to pull off stunts and other crazy things. now that he's dead, he has no fear of getting injured or even worse. and it always worries grant, who he helps learn new things.

he's very reckless and headstrong, and excitable. it doesn't take much to make him laugh.

cassandra:

cassandra died at 19 in 2013 after getting murdered by two ex friends. as a result, she keeps herself closed off from others, afraid any new friends she get will betray her. it took her a long time to open up to the others.

she comes off as angry, bitter and moody, but once she's opened up enough, her true personality is revealed. cassandra is a prankster, and loves using her ghost abilities to mess with the dead. she loves to have fun and be wild and crazy.

cassandra also is a music lover, being part of a band when alive. and she's never stopped playing her music.

servius:

servius was an ancient roman soldier who died on the battlefield after getting shot in the heart with an arrow. he's very stuck in the past, and even now, he retains a belief in the roman gods. raine is helping teach him new things at least.

he has an intimating appearance, but he's a sweetheart deep down and raine has gotten him to develop a love of art. she finds art therapy is a great way for him to control his anger issues. in one word, he's a himbo.

supernatural ocs

evelyn:

evelyn is an anthropomorphic bat from a large rich family, and so has a lot of expectations placed on her. she's never been allowed to be herself and has been scolded for her interests in the past. however, mona has helped her open up and be herself. so she's a pastel goth instead of a "full on goth", which is normal in their world.

she has a deadpan, snarky and brutally honest personality, but also has a good heart deep down.

mona:

mona is an anthropomorphic pumpkin girl, and is basically the equivalent of goth in their world: she dresses up in pink and loves cute things. she comes from a large farming family, who don't understand her, but love her dearly. she also has an irish accent.

mona has a cheerful and excitable personality, and she loves to be silly and goof off. but she's also a hard worker and takes her job on the farm seriously. and she and evelyn and gfs.

yuka:

yuka is a qalupalik, a creature from the traditional inuit belief system. she has a ghost husky named amaruq, and has an adventurous and fun loving personality. she loves to do various snow-related sports like snowboarding and skiing.

mortis family

victor:

the father of the family, victor is a goofball with a dark sense of humor. show him a horror movie, he'll probably laugh. he's a dedicated and caring father, while astra works, he will care for the children and loves to play with them. victor is also a loving husband and can easily make the stoic astra laugh and smile.

astra:

the mother of the family, astra is a witch and comes from a family of them. she is a strong, powerful and confident woman, but isn't very front about it. she appears callous, but is really very loving and kind. she cares deeply for her husband and children, and keeps protective crystals in the children's rooms. astra runs an online business selling materials needed for witchcraft. her familiar is a samoyed named "snowdrop".

ravenna:

12 year old ravenna loves gothic fiction and hopes to write novels of the genre herself someday. her room is full of books and she loves to read and write. ravenna is the nicest of the family and has a big heart, but is very socially awkward. the other girls think she's weird and so she keeps her distance, and despite her mother trying to instill self-confidence in her, ravenna struggles with it because of her social problems. she is secretly jealous of ricky's social skills. she also helps her mother with witchcraft and has a familiar of her own, a pet raven named "poe", who she named after edger allen poe.

ricky:

his name is a pun on "rigor mortis", and he's 8 years old. ricky is fascinated by death and loves learning about anything relating to it, especially execution and torture methods. he has toy replicas of the methods as well and loves to play with them. he wants to be a mortician someday. ricky has his own group of friends who think he's really cool, and they play together a lot.

morella:

morella is 3 years old, and is just grasping her magical abilities. she can sometimes be seen climbing around on the walls and ceilings, and is very silly and mischievous. she also loves to draw, and her art hangs up on the fridge.

dracul:

he's not a member of the family, and instead is ravenna's love interest. he's from romania, specifically transylvania, and has a love of vampires, and specifically dracula due to his name. he's non-judgmental and is close to ravenna.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

i just have... a lot of different problems that mean “x is harder for you, because you have to do it manually.” i’m autistic, so i have to process sensory phenomena manually; i have EDS (or similar), so i have to keep my skeleton together manually; i have dysautonomia, so i have to... well, at any rate, can’t trust my autonomic nervous system to run on its own, though running it manually mostly means throwing the right stimuli at it in the right order and hoping the way it tries to run in light of that data isn’t too wrong. annnnd then there’s the weird adhd wild card where instead of “you have to do it manually” it’s “most people can do this manually, but you can’t.” but, this got away from me, my point is, being conscious of things is cool and it seems weird and gross of the universe or society or both that in order to run properly you have to do like... the “bus tour of europe” version of being alive

[fyrapartnersearch]

Looking for a partner for a fantasy RP!

Hello, you can call me R or nas. I'm a 24 y/o gay guy, timezone GMT0. I'm fairly friendly, and I love to ramble about characters and settings and stuff. I also like to draw and write extra stuff for roleplays, and sometimes for my RP partners as well! I think I ought to put this first - I do not roleplay smut! I'm very, very wary about romance too. A lot of my characters are paired with other characters of mine anyway. Please don't join in roleplaying with me expecting our characters to get together. That said, there might be sexual elements (for example, I have characters who are strippers), so I won't roleplay with under-18s. I have a real hankering for an RP set in my fantasy setting, or even someone else's fantasy setting as long as I'd kindly be allowed to add in my own elements. I'm more than happy to let others add their own elements into mine! My fantasy setting is in a world with some familiar, modern elements (radios, automatic weapons, trains), and other more fantastical elements (magic, non-human races, monsters). There are large areas of wilderness and frontier not yet ventured into or tamed. Monsters and wild animals make it hard to inhabit those places, though as the world is becoming more industrialised, weapons and magic have been improved to the extent that mankind - and some other kinds - are starting to make progress into the wilds. At the same time elves, thought to be long extinct or just stories, are beginning to come out of hiding. They drink the blood of other races, and can make others their thralls, and are dangerous people. I have some ideas for things already, though of course I'd like to discuss them with you! I want us both to come up with plots and stuff together. I have a document with some of the lore of my fantasy setting in it, and I'm more than happy to provide it and other information so that we are all on the same page. Here are some things which I like: military characters, character duos where one is very protective of the other, weird esoteric scholar/sage/wizard characters, apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic themes, non-human species, original cultures and lands, snipers, thieves, creative and cool magic systems, interesting uses of established tech/magic/whatever, the sea, forests, moorland... I'd like a potential partner to be over 18, as I said. That's the one thing I'm 100% on. I'd also prefer that you'd be patient with me - I'm both mentally and physically ill, and I'm also autistic. Sometimes I don't pick up on things, and if I ask, I'm not just being stupid. I'm making sure I definitely understand what you mean. I am currently undergoing treatment, but I'm otherwise unemployed at the moment. This doesn't mean that I can always respond quickly, though. Please prod me if I take longer than a few days. I might just have forgotten. This is a call for 'lazy-lit' (though I dislike that terminology but whatever) partners, really. Sometimes I write lots, and sometimes just a couple of paragraphs. I'd like to roleplay with someone who doesn't mind this and maybe gives a similar amount. As I said before, I don't do smut and please don't expect romance, either. I don't care about perfect grammar and spelling, but it needs to be good enough for me to understand. I have visual stress, so please no big blogs of text! Please, please don't be offended if I ask you to split something into smaller paragraphs. It's only so I can read and respond properly. More than anything, I want to just have some fun. If anything, I might get a bit nervous if you come into this totally serious! If anybody is interested, please send me a message on my account notasubmariner. If you're nervous, you can always just like this post and I'll speak to you first instead. I want to roleplay over discord, but I'm nervous about putting it out there, so I'll send my discord details via tumblr messages if you're interested in roleplaying with me.

[tumblunni]

MONEY SORTED POKEBALL GET

Wow BIG PHEW the stupid preorder thing has finally been sorted and i got the money refunded this morning. Thaaaaank youuuuu! Still dont friggin know WHY they messed up all this stuff in the first place, but at least now i can buy the pokeball plus controller and thats officially all the stuff i would have got in my preorder. Half a week later, costing more separately, and without the special box or keychain :(

But at least IT IS HERE! The pokeball plus is so damn cool aaaa i would have wanted this just as a keychain even if it didnt also work as a controller AND a magical pedometer of pokemon squeakys! Its so high quality WOW it really does look exactly like a real pokeball except for the centre button being an analog stick instead. Its cool how they sorta hid buttons on this thing? There's another one somewhere in the red and you cant even see it, its just like one spot is rubber instead of hard plastic and then you can click it in. So it works great as a way to retain the visual appeal while also making it possible to actually play the game! And the rubber clicky thing makes it so its not easy to accidentally press it while doing motion controls. Also the plastic is just really high quality! Its that slightly spongy yet still tough acrylic stuff and it just feels really nice to hold. Its like the plastic equivelant of petting a cat? Thats the best way i can describe my dumb texture sensitivity issues, like you can understand enjoying hugging a soft thing but for me i feel the same way about pleasant textures of plastic/metal/wood/etc too. I really liked the grip pattern on the back of the 2ds xl, it was like holding a cheese grater that doesnt stab you.

ANYWAY

In summary: good.

Also i had a really nice interaction with an older couple who were running an art stall at city centre! The one who did the art was their autistic son, and i went over to look at it cos i saw the sign and was like 'wow someone like me can be so successful??' The parents ran the stall though because he was too nervous to be in those big crowds all day and try and sell stuff to strangers, i can really relate cos man i get stressed out just shopping let alone running a shop! But man i'm so happy for him that he has loving parents who support his art and go all HEAR YE HEAR YE COME AND LOOK AT MY TALENTED SON'S TALENT! His art was really amazing hyperrealistic pencil drawings that looked like photographs, and he could even do amazing optical illusion effects like a photo negative that would show the original if you view it through a filter. That's just wild that he's so smart that he can figure that out in his head! He must be like the final boss of color theory!!

Anyway i felt SO BAD that i couldnt afford to buy one or the paintings cos i just got the pokeball plus. But i stopped to compliment them and say how much it means to other autistic people to see their son running this business and being so successful. And they were just really nice and we had a nice chat and they were like 'dont worry, our son failed art class in school too, he actually never discovered his talent until he dropped out and started becoming self taught'. And they encouraged me to keep practising art and try and find my own way of doing it rather than getting stuck in hyper limited rules from very rude art teachers who made me wanna quit forever. You always hear about us 'special kids' having trouble with reading and maths and stuff but its really frustrating when you KNOW that you're creative, people tell you your problem is that you're TOO stuck in your own imagination, yet the way your brain works just doesnt mesh with the Right Way the art educational system does it and you end up with grades worse than you deserve and a lifetime of self shame. So yeah, i may never be as good as this guy at realism but im determined now to not give up on art even if i'm not the best! Cos this guy thought he was terrible when he was in school and now he's friggin AMAZING PHOTO NEGATIVE DEADPOOL HEADS and APPEARING ON BBC DOCUMENTARIES ON AUTISTIC PEOPLE WHO ARE AWESOME. And also he has great parents who supoort him and i was so happy i got to meet them and feel their kindness too!!

Oh and the mom actually plays Pokemon Go too! It was such a fateful encounter! So i blabbed with her about pokemon for like half an hour and she helped me evolve my rhydon and i traded her the summer hat pikachu. Apparantky you can only trade one event pokemon per person per day though, so i'm determined to come back when i have more money and not only buy an awesome picture but also trade her every pika!!! Thank you mysterious poke-mom and salesman dad and super inspirational artist son, you really brightened my day!

Oh and im gonna try and find the business card they gave me and check out his website and then link it here so you guys can see. Seriously this stuff was SO DAMN 3D that they had to tilt the canvas and let you see the grain of the graphite smudges to prove it was really a drawing! Dude you should be selling these things for way more than £15!!!

[brightlotusmoon]

Me, a fibromyalgia: Well, it's four in the afternoon, I'm exhausted from being awake all day, time for a nap.

Also me, a mixed cerebral palsy: And my joints and muscles and nerves and organs and tissues are gently being compressed, time for a nap.

Also me, an EDS 3 ADHD Autistic: Don't forget all the SENSORY AAAAAAAAA okay we're shutting down, time for a nap.

[brightlotusmoon]

No, I'm okay, I swear, I'm just tired. And in need of another dose of painkillers and shiatsu. I'll be okay. Serotonin will replenish at some point. Thank you for reaching out, it does spark joy and neurochemistry.

[brightlotusmoon]

TMNT and Teen Titans part 1?

I had a very, very involved dream and decided to write down as much dialogue as I could, because if I play it right it could become a new AU fic. It would have the same “Mikey is naturally spiritual with ESP” theme that runs through all my stuff, but this time there are five superheroes who are totally up for turning him into Shiny Mikey whether his brothers are ready or not. Plus, Starfire would just adore him and squish him haaah.

In my dream, The Titans were a blend of Original and Go!, since some of the Go! episodes really are funny and silly and insightful. It’s a trash fire show. But it has moments. I’m hooked on Pretty Pretty Pegasus, okay. The Night Begins To Shine is a new autistic interest by itself. This is what I could scrounge up, very free floating, no real context, but there is definitely room for world building. I’ll need title recommendations. I loved the design of 2D animated 2012 kids during the first crossover with 1987 so I pictured them like that rather than CGI, not just in Jump City but in their own New York.

TMNT Meets Teen Titans (working title)

Scene (?)

“Mikey is…” Leo paused. He shrugged. “Mikey is friendly. He wants to make everyone happy. It makes him happy. There’s not much else, I mean, he doesn’t have hidden layers. He’s a happy-go-lucky fun-loving optimist who uses humor to diffuse tension. What you see is what you get.”

“Yeah, I doubt that,” Robin smirked, draping over the back of the couch with his coffee.

Leo glared. “Scuse me?”

“Everyone has layers,” Cyborg said. “Even the ones where you just see surface stuff. Take Beast Boy. He’s pretty much the same as Mike, right? Except he’s got a surprisingly huge amount of dark depth and intensity.”

Leo stammered, blushing. “W-well, yeah, but…that’s what I meant, like, I know Mikey gets sad, he gets depressed and dark sometimes, like everybody, but–”

“Sounds like you don’t know your youngest brother as well as you should,” Beast Boy smirked wider from the floor.

“Shut up, you little goblin…”

“Aww, is Leo pulling a me?” And Raph sauntered in with Starfire, both sweating after a training session. “Man, she’s like Master Splinter, she keeps going. Leo, you should train with her!” “Raph, they’re insisting there’s a dark side of Mikey that we never see,” Leo said in an odd, wheedling tone.

Raphael frowned. “Dark? Michelangelo? Nahh. Well…maybe. If push came to shove. Like, when I got bit by Fishface, he stayed with me and you should’ve seen how mad he got when Bebop and Rocksteady came near us, took them down like it was nothing. But that’s just ninja skill and athletics, Mikey was always the fastest and most acrobatic. Dark, though, no way. He’s too…sunny.”

“Cheerful,” came Donatello’s, voice, as he finally emerged from Cyborg’s work station, tapping away on a tablet, eyes alight. “Organically optimistic. Anger makes him feel physically sick, although he seems to store a great deal of it – did we tell you about that adventure we had going into his mind?”

“Donnie, can you look at people when you talk to them?” Leo snapped. Donnie sighed and sat on the couch and put the tablet on his lap.

Robin suddenly whirled toward the hall leading to the bedrooms. Raven walked out, Mikey gripping her hand in his and swinging them, a wild grin lighting up his face.

“You smell like incense,” Raph noted.

“We were in the astral plane!” Mikey chirped. The three brothers froze. “Raven says I’m one of the strongest spiritual minds she’s ever seen. See? Sensei was right, wasn’t he, Leo?”

“Wait, you meditated willingly?”

“You reached the astral plane by yourself?”

“You can’t be stronger than me!”

Cyborg and Robin exchanged a long, quirked glance.

Raven flushed, carefully eased her hand away, and smiled a tiny smile. “Well…yes. He’s strong. His aura is very…encompassing. Cuddly. Strong. Bright.” She looked up. “Dangerous.”

“Is not! You just said cuddly.”

“I meant that it could overwhelm, Mike. You…you hold on to things. People. You love too much. You don’t want to let go. You might not know how. Your emotions are your strength and your kindness is your weapon. Your aura was pulling my aura in like a hurricane. You wanted to connect badly and you relied on your natural charm, but you didn’t have any discipline or specific focus.” She smiled a little wider at him, as his eyes were widening and looking watery.

“Let’s put it this way. If you were like me, you could envelope an entire city in your aura and no one would even know. You could project nothing but calm and happiness and it would still be a problem because nobody would know anything else.”

“Ya mean…brainwashing?” Mike’s lower lip trembled.

“In less harsh words, sort of. Look.” She took his hands and faced him. “Remember what we talked about once I pulled us back out in there? I’m willing to teach you how to manifest and control these abilities, but that means delving deep into your soul and unlocking all the parts we need.”

“What unlocked parts?” Raph asked. “Mikey’s an open book!” Leo nodded emphatically.

They didn’t notice the very hurt look Mikey shot him. The Titans and Donnie did.

“Mikey,” Don said carefully, “I know you hide everything behind the jokes and the pranks and being loud. After Sensei’s death, your cheerfulness was almost out of hand.” Mikey flinched so hard that Raven tightened her grip. “But you know you can tell us anything. You can tell me anything.”

“But I can’t!” Mike exploded, and his brothers winced in shock. “You expected me to be the goof, so I’m the goof, so I don’t even bother to show you when it hurts!”

“Uhhh…” Beast Boy stood up slowly. “Maybe this should be a private family thing.”

“No,” and Robin folded his arms. “If we’re all going to work as a team to protect both our worlds and our cities, we’re going to get all of  this out in the open. Especially as Raven just revealed some incredibly useful and powerful information.”

“Not just that,” Raven said, “What about that time he got electrokinetic abilities after being shredded out of existence? He could still have them, even after nearly a year.”

“When did you tell her about…never mind.” Don bit his lip. “Look, Agent Bishop’s dampener cannon took those powers away because they were overloading him and they were going to burn him out.”

“You sure he was telling the whole truth?” Cyborg asked. “Electrokinesis can be controlled easily enough. Besides, that cannon might not have gotten all the ability, there could be just enough of a spark deep in his central nervous nervous system to ignite and bring at least a portion back. Not enough to be nearly as strong as he was back then, but–”

“COOL,” Mikey cut in, eyes the size of dinner plates.

“Well, Bishop is kind of a lying liar who lies,” Raphael grumbled.

“If I supplied Raven’s powers with an electromagnetic charge,” Cyborg mused, “I bet she could find the part of his brain that still holds the memory of that power and tweak it until it released the ability to call back that specific electrical power…”

“Yes please!” Michelangelo squeaked, bouncing so hard he moved from Raven to Cyborg in a blink, arms wrapped around the metal waist, eyes shining and puppy-begging.

“Plus,” Raven added, “I sensed a strong potential for extrasensory perception, which would make sense, since he’s connected to Dimension X via the mutagen’s affects on his particular brain pattern and wiring.”

“Are we sure it’s a good idea, rooting around in Mikey’s brain?” Leo asked. “It could hurt his brain.”

“Who would know the difference?” Don said automatically, old sibling teasing snapping into place. Every head turned to him. So, their brand of sibling humor was not going to fly here.

“It…it was a joke,” he murmured.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mikey’s wide, lamp-like eyes full of tears. Mike whispered to Cyborg, who ground his teeth and looked ready to punch the other three turtles in the mouths.

Starfire rose higher into the air, eyes glowing. “Am I hearing this correctly? Are you all so accustomed to mocking Michelangelo’s preferred forms of intelligence, expression, input, sensory process, that you would naturally assume he is utterly incapable of being the great warrior he clearly is inside? Has this been happening all your life together?”

Michelangelo shifted, throat clearing. “When…when Sensei gave us our weapons when we were really little, he gave me my nunchucks because he thought they were perfect for me but he never explained why, or who I was, like with the others. So I made them perfect for me. I don’t think anyone ever believed in me. So I pushed all the sadness down until it got buried.”

There was a slight silence.

Starfire erupted in rage, and in a flash, she had grabbed Mikey and was hovering, cradling him like a child, energy flashing and hissing around her. “This is unacceptable! None of you are allowed to speak poorly of him! He is now under my protection as Princess of Tamaran! Shame on you!”

Mikey just stared at her, mouth open.

“From this point onward, Raven and I will take Michelangelo under the wing, and his natural abilities will be allowed to flourish. If any of you say anything mocking his brain, I will threaten to force feed you zorka berries until you choke!”

Leo, Raph, and Don had shrunk back, while Raven and Cyborg were holding back laughter.

“Well,” Raven smiled, “this will be fun.”