#b) basic knickers for work

[lapeaudelamemoire]

Okay. I did my shopping at the place that has the one sale like once a year and also because I pinch pennies about this signed up to the rewards/loyalty system. I have gotten 10 emails or something now because I get a fucking email every time I 'earn points' by doing something like clicking on a thing. I mean, good to know, but also, g-d-fucking-damn it's so fucking annoying ARGH

Plus clicking on all those things didn't let me use my money off reward in conjunction with the discount sale code so what was even the point. Ugh.

[sentientcave]

WAIT WAIT WAIT i need to hear about the 141 paranormal investigators omg???

OKAY SO

Basically it's like, a non-military AU where they have a youtube channel and investigate haunted places and look for cryptids and junk. Ghost is the camera/editing guy, Gaz and Johnny handle social media and are the primary faces, and John is a professor of Mythology and Folklore on extended leave that became a permanent fixture after they interviewed him too many times. They're on an American road trip, and they chance upon a hidden town full of actual supernatural people and creatures. Cue shenanigans while the townspeople try not to get caught on camera. Also they meet a hot witch who runs the B&B (the only place to stay in town).

Here's some of all this silliness:

“Relax, Soap.” Price used his stern teaching voice, the one that could command a rowdy hall of college students (most of whom were only taking his class because they thought it would be an easy credit) to be quiet and pay attention. “If we get lost you’ll get to gloat about bein’ right, how about that?”

“Rather no’ get lost, but Ah suppose it’ll do.”

Simon and Gaz exchanged a look, both of them trying not to laugh. They were an odd bunch, by any metric. Gaz had started a youtube channel reviewing local businesses around Manchester while he was attending university, which is where he had met Simon (Or Ghost, as he had introduced himself back then), who had been the butcher at a shop Gaz wanted to review. Ghost had been told to give Gaz a tour, so he had, reluctantly, and Gaz had gone home later that week to find Ghost sitting in front of his computer, editing the video.

“You do shite work,” he’d said, the only explanation he had offered for his presence in Ga’s apartment. “Fine substance, but terrible camera an’ editin’.”

And well, Ghost’s video had done a lot better than any of Gaz’s previous ones, so he’d asked him to continue. Ghost suggested moving on to different content as well, to exploring some of the spookier sites around Manchester (Of which Ghost seemed to be intimately familiar, unnervingly enough), and they had interviewed Price a few times to give the videos an air of legitimacy, since he was a professor of mythology and folklore at Gaz’s university.

Johnny had been their missing link, however. They’d gone to do a video in Glasgow, and kept running into him everywhere they went. He’d provided some useful local knowledge, and had a channel of his own, where he mostly blew stuff up and did parkour around the city. The Glasgow videos all went viral, and the channel suddenly became something they could potentially throw themselves into doing on a more full time basis.

Price, chafing at the routine of teaching, asked to join them on a more permanent basis as well. And since he had the two things that the rest of them lacked (A car and a savings account), they agreed. That had been four years ago. And somehow, it was working. They weren’t exactly making a lot of money, but they were getting by, and Price had written and published two new books, using their travel and research to pad out what might have otherwise been dry, academic work.

Simon flicked the radio back on, the van filling with the sharp sound of static. They’d lost their last station somewhere along the drive. He fiddled with the tuner until an upbeat, overly patriotic country song came in clear.

Gaz made a disgruntled sound in the backseat. He’d made his disdain for country music clear somewhere back in California.

“Just tryin’ to get a traffic report. Untwist your knickers, Gaz.”

“If we’d stayed on the main road we’d no’ need a report.” Johnny could never stop himself from throwing in his two pence. “We’d be in it.”

Price reached over for the volume, and turned up the music, drowning them out as one song switched to the next.

[ghostflowerdreams]

British Phrases/Slang

In writing, colloquialism works by using common terms and phrases to create a sense of authenticity and informality, which can enhance dialogue. For this reason, I'm making a short list of what I've seen and heard in British television, film, and books.

Taking the mickey (out of someone): Teasing or making fun of someone.

Example: "Are you serious, or are you just taking the mickey?"

Knickers in a twist: Getting upset or overly worried about something.

Example: "Don't get your knickers in a twist; it's just a minor issue."

Full monty: The whole thing or complete package.

Example: "I want the full monty – don't leave anything out."

On the blink: Not working properly.

Example: "My computer's on the blink; I need to get it fixed."

Sod's law: The idea that if something can go wrong, it will.

Example: "Of course, it started raining right after I washed the car – sod's law."

Off one's trolley: Crazy or insane.

Example: "Did you hear what he said? He must be off his trolley."

Lost the plot: Became confused or irrational.

Example: "I have no idea what he's talking about; he's completely lost the plot."

Bob's your uncle (and Fanny's your aunt): It's basically 'there you have it'. It is used to convey that something is very easy or straightforward, and that success or a positive outcome is guaranteed. The addition of "and Fanny's your aunt" is often used for humor and emphasis, without changing the meaning significantly.

Example: "Just turn the key, and Bob's your uncle – the car starts."

Example 2: "Just follow these instructions, and Bob's your uncle, and Fanny's your aunt, you're done!"

Taking the biscuit: Going too far or being unreasonable.

Example: "Asking me to work on a Sunday? That really takes the biscuit!"

Arse over elbow: Tumbling or falling over.

Example: "He tripped on the pavement and went arse over elbow."

Pop one's clogs: Die or pass away.

Example: "If I don't get enough sleep, I feel like I might pop my clogs."

Spend a penny: Go to the bathroom.

Example: "I need to spend a penny before we leave."

Throw a spanner in the works: Cause a disruption or problem.

Example: "The unexpected delay really threw a spanner in the works."

Throw a wobbly: Have a temper tantrum or get upset.

Example: "She'll throw a wobbly if she finds out we lost her keys."

Chuffed to bits: Extremely pleased or proud.

Example: "She was chuffed to bits when she got the promotion."

Flog a dead horse: Waste time on a hopeless cause.

Example: "Trying to fix that old computer is like flogging a dead horse."

Up the duff: Pregnant.

Example: "She's up the duff and expecting a baby in the spring."

On the pull: Trying to attract someone romantically.

Example: "He's always on the pull when we go out to the bars."

Example: "He's dressed up tonight; he's definitely on the pull."

Pear-shaped: To go wrong or fail unexpectedly.

Example: "After weeks of planning, the project went completely pear-shaped when we realized we had underestimated the budget."

The bee's knees and the cat's whiskers: Something excellent, outstanding, or the best of its kind.

Example: "This new phone is the bee's knees and the cat's whiskers – it has all the latest features."

All mouth and no trousers: Someone who talks confidently or boasts but fails to follow through with actions or achievements.

Example: "He talks a big game, but when it comes to actually doing something, he's all mouth and no trousers."

A storm in a teacup: A small or insignificant issue that is blown out of proportion.

Example: "Don't worry about that argument; it's just a storm in a teacup."

Have a butcher's (at something): To take a look at something; derived from "butcher's hook," which rhymes with "look."

Example: "Can I have a butcher's at your new phone?"

A stone's throw away: Very close in proximity; a short distance.

Example: "The shop is just a stone's throw away from here."

Bee in your bonnet: An idea or obsession that someone can't stop talking about.

Example: "He's got a bee in his bonnet about recycling; he talks about it all the time."

Mum's the word: Keep a secret; don't say anything.

Example: "I know about the surprise party, but don't worry, mum's the word!"

Cut the mustard: To meet a required standard or expectation.

Example: "His performance didn't quite cut the mustard, so he didn't get the promotion."

Bugger all: Nothing at all; absolutely nothing.

Example: "I've got bugger all to do this weekend."

Bag it up: Prepare or get ready.

Example: "Bag it up, mate – we're heading out."

On the ball: Alert, attentive, or quick to understand.

Example: "She's always on the ball at work."

Bits and bobs: Various small items or things.

Example: "I picked up a few bits and bobs from the store."

Knock it on the head: Stop doing something or take a break.

Example: "Let's knock it on the head for today; we can continue tomorrow."

Taking the piss: Teasing or mocking someone.

Example: "Are you serious, or are you just taking the piss?"

I'm pissed: Drunk or intoxicated from alcohol.

Example: "I had a few too many drinks at the pub, and now I'm pissed."

Example 2: "At the pub quiz, Sarah confidently shouted out 'Elephant' as the answer to every question. When asked why, she just grinned and said, 'I may be a bit pissed, but who doesn't love elephants? They're the answer to everything!'"

Bent as a nine-bob note: Dishonest or fraudulent.

Example: "That deal sounds bent as a nine-bob note."

Give us a bell: Call or contact me.

Example: "If you need anything, give us a bell."

Tickety-boo: Going well or in good order.

Example: "Everything is tickety-boo with the project."

Budge up: Move over or make room.

Example: "Budge up; make some space for me on the sofa."

Flog it: Sell or get rid of.

Example: "I need to flog my old clothes at the market."

Bloody hell: An expression of surprise or frustration.

Example: "Bloody hell, did you see the size of that spider?"

Full of beans: Someone is lively, energetic, and full of enthusiasm. It is often used to describe someone who is in high spirits or has a lot of energy.

Example: "Goodness, you're full of beans this morning!"

Wind your neck in: To tell someone to stop being nosy, interfering, or to mind their own business.

Example: "Maybe you should wind your neck in and not jump to conclusions about my friendships."

Wind-up merchant: Refers to someone who enjoys teasing, provoking, or playing pranks on others to elicit a reaction.

Example: "Oh, don't take it seriously; he's just a bit of a wind-up merchant."

Can't be arsed: Is used to convey a lack of motivation, interest, or willingness to do something.

Example: “I can’t be arsed with doing the assignments.”

What a load of poppycock: Is an expression used to dismiss something as nonsense or absurd.

Example: “They are changing the offside rule? What a load of poppycock!”

Chocka: Is short for “chockablock”, which is most often used when talking about something that’s completely packed, like a jammed road.

Example: “I’ll be home in ten, love, hit a chocka!” 

A few sandwiches short of a picnic: Is a humorous way of saying that someone is not very intelligent or mentally sound. It can also imply that the person may be lacking common sense.

Example: “Perhaps it’s best not to task them with this. They’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic.”

To bodge: Is to mend, or repair something clumsily.

Example: "Bob forgot his toolbox, so he had to bodge a fix for the leaky pipe using chewing gum until the plumber arrived."

That's rubbish: When something is of poor quality, disappointing, or not good.

Example: "I thought the film was rubbish – the plot was weak, and the acting was terrible."

Happy as a pig in muck: Very happy.

Example: "I'm as happy as a pig in muck with all these new books to read."

Were ya born in a barn: Is used as a playful or humorous way to chide someone for not closing a door behind them.

Example: “I just got it warm in here, were ya born in a barn?”

Not give a monkey’s (uncle or toss): Not caring at all about something, being indifferent, or not attaching any importance to a particular situation.

Example: "I don't give a monkey's about what they think."

Making a right pig’s ear of something: Refers to a task or situation that has been poorly handled or executed.

Example: "You've made a right pig's ear of that plumbing job!"

You’re peckin’ me ‘ead: When someone is annoying, bothering, or getting on your nerves.

Example: "Would you give it a rest, you’re peckin’ me ‘ead!"

Curtain twitcher: Refers to a person who is overly nosy or prying, someone who frequently peers out of their window, often through the curtains, to observe the activities or affairs of their neighbors.

Example: "She's a real curtain twitcher, always watching and commenting on everyone else's business."

Half past: Is a way of expressing the time, particularly when indicating that it is 30 minutes past the hour on a clock.

Example: If someone says, "It's half past three," they are stating that the time is 3:30.

Innit: Is a contraction of "isn't it" and is often used to seek agreement or confirmation. It's an informal way to tag a statement, turning it into a question or seeking validation.

Example: "It's a nice day, innit?"

Smarmy: Is used to describe someone who comes across as scheming or untrustworthy.

Example: "I don't trust him – he's a smarmy geezer."

Swot: Is used to describe someone who studies hard, is diligent in their academic pursuits, or is generally focused on their work or studies. It is similar to "nerd" or "geek" in American English. It's sometimes used in a mildly derogatory manner to refer to someone who is perceived as overly studious.

Example: "She's always buried in her books, a real swot."

Bagsy: Is used as a way of claiming or reserving something for oneself. It's similar to saying "dibs" in American English.

Example: "Does anyone want thi—"

"Bagsy!"

Builder's tea: Refers to a strongly brewed cup of tea that is typically enjoyed by construction workers or builders during their breaks. It's characterized by being a simple, no-nonsense cup of tea with milk and sugar, often designed to provide a quick and energizing break.

Example: "A bacon sandwich and a builder's tea. Now that's a proper breakfast."

Dog's dinner (or dog's breakfast): Is often used to describe something that is disorganized, messy, or done in a haphazard and unattractive manner. It can refer to both physical appearance and, more commonly, to a situation or event that is poorly executed.

Example: "You've made a real dog's dinner of this room!"

Kip: Refers to sleep or a short nap. It's a casual way to express the act of resting or taking a quick snooze.

Example: "I'm feeling tired, so I'm going to have a quick kip before we head out for the evening."

[fandom-puff]

Quiet in the Library

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Requested by: anons and @booksmione

AN: this is a combo of several requests. Basically, you’re all thirsty for Draco, and I’ve gotten a lot of Draco smut requests which are honestly pretty similar. So it’s better if I combine them rather than just write ten things that are exactly the same :) gif creds to owner

Warnings: fingering, smut, kinda public (we love muffliato)

Draco smirked as you grumbled over your textbook, your eyebrows knitted together in a deep frown. You mumbled incoherently to yourself, trying your hardest to make sense of what was written in front of you.

“Problem, darling?” He grinned, whispering in your ear

You shivered slightly and jabbed you’re quill at the book. “It just doesn’t make sense,” you huffed, pouting slightly. Draco nodded and pressed kisses to your neck, his fingers inching up your thighs, under your skirt... “what’re you... Draco...” you mumbled, biting your hand as your eyes fluttered shut.

“I think a little practical work might help you out,” he murmured, dipping his fingers into your knickers, caressing your clit briefly before plunging two fingers into you. You gasped and bit your hand to keep quiet, thrusting your hips up to him eagerly. “Draco!” You whispered, biting your lip hard.

“Shhh, yn... wouldn’t want Madame Pince to catch us now, would we?” You shook your head as he crooked his fingers against your Gspot, smirking. You spread your legs a little wider, thighs quivering as you rocked your hips in rhythm with his hand, gasping quietly and moaning into your hand. “Going to cum for me, YN?” He murmured into your ear, nibbling on the lobe as he pressed his thumb to your clit. You nodded desperately, clenching your thighs around his hand as you came, trembling, gripping his arm tightly.

“Fuck,” you whispered as he cleaned off his fingers with his tongue.

Draco grinned and cast a silencing spell. “Into my lap, darling. You’re going to ride me, right here in the library,”

You bit your lip hard. “B-but won’t people see?” You asked, frowning. Draco caressed your cheek.

“No. I cast a notice-me-not spell, along with a few other wards...” convinced, you straddled his lap, taking his hard cock out of his trousers and slowly lowering yourself onto him, sighing in bliss.

Draco, however, soon began thrusting up hard into you, kissing you passionately and grasping your breasts through your blouse as you began bouncing your hips eagerly, moaning out. “Good girl, YN!” He groaned, pressing your chest close to him as he felt his balls tighten. Already sensitive from your first orgasm, you gasped, rubbing your clit eagerly. “Gonna cum, yn? Gonna cum on my cock? Good girl,” he grunted, and just as you began clenching around him, he spurted hot cum into you, groaning your name.

Once recovered from your orgasm, you returned to your original seat, feeling his semen collecting in your gusset as he tucked himself away. “Make sense now, yn?” He asked, smirking cockily.

“Oh, I’m not too sure yet... might need another practical demonstration,”

Tags: @a-hopeless-fan @lotsoffandomrecs @justanotherwildstar @rai-strangebr @zodiyack @haphazardhufflepuff @dumbfuckinslytherin @severuslovebot @darkthought15

[aliciadelaplaya]

So what should TRF do, exactly?

Yet again there have been almost defeaning calls on SM for TRF to DO SOMETHING about the  Sussexes.  So, I’d like to address this question, maybe throw in something of a reality check.

Most people should know by now that it is not in HMTQ’s power to remove the Sussex titles.  This can only be done by an Act of Parliament, and primary legislation at that. 

This means that the “motion” has to be debated by both the House of Commons and House of Lords. 

Now, just think for a minute, a debate, in the house of commons, with all those Black Female Labour MPs banging on about removing the titles from the, supposedly, first bi-racial member of TRF. Goodness, if people thought that the Sussexes incoherent and contradictory mud slinging about “conversations” about the colour of Archie’s skin was damaging to TRF, how much worse would it be to hear elected representatives of the British people (however ignorant, biased and downright stupid) accuse TRF of racism in The Mother of Parliaments.  Now that would be seriously damaging. 

And of course The British Government has far more important things it needs to Parliamentary time for.

Also, there is some sort of notion floating around Social Media that if HMTQ asks Parliament, then it will immediately be given.  Anyone who knows anything about the hundreds of years that it has taken the UK to go from an absolute to constitutional monarchy knows damn well that a) HMTQ would never dream of asking and b) HM’s Government would in no way automatically acceed to any request made by the Sovereign. 

Some people seem to think that we live in some sort of medieaval kingdom with an all powerful Monarch. 

Yet,  there are still those who are jumping up and down, calling HMTQ and PC fit to burn because they are “Not Doing Anything”

OK, so put your money where your mouth is? 

What should they do? 

Exactly. 

Go on,

tell us. 

What would you do if one of your sons or brothers, daughters or sisters had got themselves ensnared with a dangerous narcissist? When every word of warning, every well-meant piece of advice does nothing more than drive them further into the arms of their addiction.

What would you do if their mental state before they met this person was a matter of family concern and now, far from your care, deaf to your entreaties, was publicly deteriorating to the point that they have become a world-wide laughing stock?

Tell us.  What would you do?  They are an adult, one who has not been sectioned, free to make their own choices, to lead their own life.  They are your family.  What do you do?

How exactly are you going to stop him talking about you, spreading lies and gossip?  Go on, tell us, we’re dying to know.

What would you do if your beloved family member had made it clear to you that if their spouse leaves them, they will kill themselves?  Go on, what would you do?

What would you do if you believed that anything your family did could be the cause of anger on the part of the narcissist and put your loved one in danger.  What would you do, exactly, to stop them? Please tell us.  There are a lot of people out there who would love to know.

“Cut them off” many people are crying!  But that is what we know PC has done, albeit after providing his younger son and his wife with a substantial gift to help set them up in their new lives, as per the Megxit agreement. 

Tell the truth about the surrogates?  Yes, we would all like that, we know that niether of those children were born of her body, that they are not entitled to a place in the line of succession.  Yet, however much we jump up and down and say that TRF is “public property”, the fact is, they too are still entitled to basic human rights, and one of those is privacy.  It is not for TRF to tell the truth about the surrogacies, it is not their story to tell.  It is for Harry and his wife.  One day the truth will come out, it always does.  The TRF can not be the ones to let the cat out of the bag.  They just can not.

OK, so people jump up and down saying that HMTQ and PC are showing weakness by not responding to all these attacks.  So tell us, what exactly would  you do?  Exactly, what would you have done when?

They said that you don’t own the rights to the word Royal (which is true)? When every single speech that woman made duing lockdown by Zoom has a dig at your family.  Would you respond?  How?  Exactly.

When they set up a photoshoot trampling over war graves, insulting the memories of both the US and the UK fallen?  What would you have done to stop it?  Go on, do tell?

I can’t be arsed to dig out the list of all the insults, swipes etc that these two have levelled at TRF, HMTQ, PC etc.  Geniunely because I’ve forgotten most of them, there have been so many, they have lost their currency, they have been devaluted.  Even the massive fall out from the “bombshell” whineathon with OW, was overtaken by more whinging, it’s a deluge.  How could the sitatuation have been helped if, as it was rumoured PC wanted to do, each accusation was thoroughly challenged.  Can you imagine?

How many of you own or run companies?  How many of you have had, in any shape or form had people complain to you about products or services?  How many of you have received unjustified/maliciious/ignorant complaints - 100% I would guess.  And what is the best way of dealing with these?  Do you engage and argue with every minor point, do you want to “win” the argument.  Does it make you feel better to win by beating the complainent over the head with your greater wisdom, teaching them a lesson, showing them for the stupid, ignorant people they are?  What happens if you engage?  It never bloody stops.  But if you reply thanking them profusely for the incredible amount of time they have taken to give you feedback, if you thank them for their custom, if you offer them a discount/money back.  If you ARE NICE TO THEM.  Guess what?  THEY HAVE NO WHERE TO GO!  NOWHERE. Believe me, I’ve done both and I can tell you hands down which is the most satisfying and, ultimately the most productive in the long term.

The situation is the same here, if TRF engages in any shape or form it will be playing directly into the Narcs playbook and the Sussexes will push back, it will excite them, thrill them, give them power.  It will be more fuel for their global whinging and victimhood. It will be more interminable articles in Hello and Page Six (Does anyone read these publications) Look at the few times TRF have pushed back and H has come in, all guns blazing with legal letters (and what happened to all that, we wonder).   Have you noticed that since the word got out that TRF were not going to stand by silently, the BS stories about HMTQ having zoom calls with the mythical child, buying waffle makers have stopped?

They are much more careful now when they try to bring HMTQ into their lunacy.

“Love me, hate me, but NEVER ignore me” is the Narcs motto and it will be driving Harry’s wife mad that they have been completely iced and are not rising to their constant baiting.  But some of the Megxiteers are.  Effectively, the Megxiteers are doing the Sussexes work for them.  That sure is some fuel for the narc.

It makes me laugh when the MSM and SM get their knickers in a twist about the latest fuckwittery coming out of Montecito (or whever they don’t live).  They want the child to be christened in Windsor with HMTQ present.  Don’t make me larff!  That is never going to happen.  This is absolute kite flying at it’s worst.  It’s poking the bear and all these ridiculous Royal Reporters nod their  heads and make seemingly wise podcasts about the prospect of this happening (and they can do it with - mostly - straight faces), as if it was actually a possibility when I’d like to think that they, like me, believe that H and his wife have been well and truly iced, they are personas non grata. 

When the wife buggered off back to Canada after the Commonwealth service leaving her useless husband to tell more lies on his own, rather than with her at his side, I was convinced then that she will never set foot on these shores again and I stand by that view now as I did then. 

So, the latest stick with which the megxiteers have chosen to beat TRF with is that the second child is now on the website as being in the line of succession.  Yes, it is an absolute abomination, yes, it offends every fibre of my being, yes I want to expose these two evil hypocrites for this egregregious fraud that they are perpetrating on TRF and the rest of the British people.  Of course, like most of you, I want to see justice done, and I want it done NOW.  But life isn’t like that.  and just as Caesar’s wife has to be above suspision so do our (much loved) RF.  Look how we all noticed the careful wording of the Baby congrats on the birth of the second child, they know, we know, but TRF have to play a staight bat, they just have to.

While, in the SM bubble we can all get ourselves wound up, upset, angry, sure that the monarchy will fall etc etc outside, in the real world, most people don’t give a flying fuck about Harry.  He’s an idiot, an ex-royal, gone, finished.  He is not important either inside or outside TRF.

HE IS IRRELEVANT.

And, if anyone is wondering while all this stuff about book deals is coming out  now. I give you this:

The Mail on Sunday appeal - will probably run into next year The Bullying accusations - will probably run into next year. Tom Bower’s book (this is a biggy) - to be published next year?

The Sussexes are aware they are losing popularity, that is why each pronouncement is more and more ludicrous and each Hello article more and more desperate.

The Sussexes are aware they are under attack by forces outside TRF, and they are making their pre-emptive strikes at the low hanging fruit, the soft underbelly of his family. 

TRF are doing exactly the right thing.  Keep Calm, Carry On and while ignoring them won’t make them go away, it will make them look increasingly ridiculous.

This is true strength, not to rise to the bait, to carry on regardless. Remember our Queen has a strong and deeply held Christian faith, turning the other cheek is part of that, whether we like it or not.   TRF should not, under any circumstances sink to the level of Harry and his wife. 

Let’s just enjoy the H show for what it is, a mentally unstable ensnared fool doing everything he can to ensure he continues to receive the favours (sexual and otherwise) of the narcissist he married.  Because, imho, that is what it’s all about. 

Remember the engagement interview.  “I hope she loves me as much as I love her”. 

Sorry mate, that ship has sailed and nothing, nothing you can do will bring it back.

[celtics534]

Put It All on Me

Covert Love Chapter 

It’s finally for some case developments. Get ready for some intense moments in the future! 

Also Read on: FF.net or AO3

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Ginny bit her bottom lip, her grip tightening on the piece of parchment. She’d thought it was over. These fucking notes! 

  The words ran across the page in a basic black print, like that out of a textbook. 

  My Ginny,

  You and I have never been closer, yet further apart. I see the way you watch him 

  Potter

  He isn't good enough for you. No one is. Someone like you doesn’t belong on this Earth. And if I must I shall be the one to liberate you. Your beauty is too much for mere mortals and don’t let him fool you for a moment. He deserves nothing from you. 

  Speaking of beauty, I love those flowers you placed in the sitting room window. Though they won’t be getting enough sun with that tree hovering over it. 

  They were never signed. Nothing to identify who sent her these notes . They always had the same tone: Ginny was too incredible and no one deserved her. But never before had it mentioned a name other than hers. Ginny squinted at the smudged ink around Harry’s name. 

  “Hey.” The man in question leaned against the locker beside her. “You still want to try that muggle diner? It looked --” Ginny looked up to a confused Harry. “What’s that?”

  For a second, Ginny considered hiding the parchment behind her back and claiming it was just a fan letter. But the look in Harry’s eyes made her want to tell him. Made her want to confide in him.

  “It’s -- uh -- so I’ve been getting these kinda threatening notes.” She spoke softly, leaning closer so Harry could hear her. And also maybe because the scent of his soap was drawing her in… Nope, not the time, girl !

  Harry’s brow furrowed, his lips twisting into a scowl. “Threatening notes?”

  “Yeah.” Ginny tried for a cheeky smile but knew it fell short. “I mean some people could find it flattering, but --”

 “Ginny.” Harry’s tone was sharp. “What do you mean by threatening?”  

  “I -- I don’t really know how to explain it.” Ginny felt heat crawling up from her neck to her ears. “I guess you could say that whoever is writing the notes is obsessed with me.”

  The corners of Harry’s lips turned up in a cynical grin. “I’d assumed that but what has been said in the notes?” 

  Taking a deep breath, Ginny handed over the parchment. Harry’s eyes moved rapidly as he read the words. The once bright green became darker as he read. A pink tinge came to his cheeks as his mouth moved wordlessly with each passage. Finally, he lowered the parchment, a sharpness in his eyes Ginny had never seen. “Do you have any idea who wrote this?” 

  Ginny shook her head miserably. “No, but that’s the third letter I’ve received.” 

  There was a beat of three before Harry handed her back the note. “So who have you told? Captain? The aurors?”

  “Just you and Bill.”

  “Just me and Bill,” Harry repeated in a deadpan. 

  Ginny gave him a sheepish half-smile. “Professional quidditch players get stuff like this all the time. One time, Holt received a pair of knickers by owl. They were these lacy things that couldn’t even cover --”

  Harry held up a hand, effectively cutting Ginny’s rambling. His tone was patient. “Ginny, this isn’t a pair of knickers. This is clearly a threat.”  

  Sudden fury coursed through Ginny. Her finger came jutted out to poke him hard in the chest. “You don’t think I know that this isn’t just getting a pair of knickers!” In the back of her mind, Ginny knew she wasn’t frustrated with Harry… well, he was the reason for her sexual frustration , but that was neither here nor there. “You don’t need to be so condescending. Merlin, Potter, I’m not stupid!”  

  Harry didn’t flinch at her rant. His body stayed stoically still, but his eyes… the way he was looking at her made Ginny pause as she pulled back for a third poke. It wasn’t annoyance, which would have been fair, but rather something Ginny couldn’t place. Whatever it was made Ginny feel as if he was taking in every part of her. Like he couldn’t see the lockers or smell the stereotypical locker room scents, but every part of his being was focused on her with an intensity that made her stomach flip and her breath hitch. 

  “I know you’re not stupid.” Harry’s voice was low and deep. “But, Ginny, it’s clear someone has it out for you. I can’t handle if you were --” He cleared his throat, a deep flush crawling up his cheeks. “I mean, I just want you to be safe.”

  All of her unrighteous anger drained out her body as if someone had opened up a dam. “I know, Harry. Thank you.” She let her arm fall to her side. “I’m sorry for poking you.” 

  Harry’s eyes never left hers. “It’s fine. I’ll classify it under rookie hazing.” Before Ginny knew what had happened, Harry had grabbed the hand she’d used as a weapon, brought it to his lips, and kissed the digit with a sweetness that made her heart flutter. “I promise, nothing will happen to you. We’ll figure out what’s going on.” 

  Ginny’s heart beat faster, like a snitch trying to escape capture. The way he held her hand as if it were something precious to him, and that fact that he’d said we . Most men, including her own brother, had wanted to hide her away. Bill had said he’d figure things out. But Harry… he wasn’t making her be some damsel. No, we meant they would work together and stop whoever was tormenting her. That alone meant more than she could say.   “I - Thank you.” 

  Nodding, Harry pressed his soft lips to her knuckle once more before releasing her hand. “Do you still have the other notes?” 

  “I do. At my flat.”

  “Well then, how about we order some takeaway and head to your place. I want to read what else this guy has to say.” 

  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  “So basically this bloke doesn’t think I should be allowed near others.” Ginny drummed her fingers on the side of her tea mug, rereading the words that had been stuck in the back of her mind for over a month. “Not because I don’t play nice with them, but because they aren’t good enough for me.” 

  “Yeah.” Harry leaned forward on the sofa cushion as he looked between the two of the letters that sat side by side on the coffee table. "It seems like they idolize you."

  Ginny exaggeratedly flipped her hair. "Who doesn't."

  Harry snorted but didn't recognize her quip any other way. "They idolize you and don't wanna share. And the fact that they mention the flowers on your window means they know where you live. Isn't your place unplottable?"

  "Yeah, Bill set it up for me.”

  "And Bill is no slouch when it comes to things like that. Not with a job like his."

  Ginny let out a small laugh. "Yeah they don't let just anyone become a curse breaker, now do they?" 

  "I sure hope not." Harry twisted in his seat so he was looking at her. His glasses were adorably askew as the corner of his lips ticked up in a matching grin. "I imagine the goblins do some thorough tests before shoving someone into a boobytrapped crypt.”

  “Well now,” Ginny tapped her chin in mock consideration. “I wouldn’t go that far. Goblins aren’t world-renowned for caring about what happens to humans. However, if a human needs to live so they can get their gold?” She shrugged. “Better hire the best.”

  “Which is your brother.” 

  Ginny winked at the man beside her. “Us Weasleys are known to be the best at what we do.” 

  “I don’t doubt that.” Harry’s voice became low and husky. Ginny noticed his eyes dropped to her lips. There was no more doubt in her mind anymore about the attraction between the two of them. After her dinner party the other night, Ginny had never been more certain about anything. Still, neither of them had made a move. 

  To be fair, they had been on a crazy work schedule for the last two days. Morning workouts followed by all-day practices. Ginny barely had the energy to crawl into the shower before falling into bed the last few nights, forget making any moves with Harry. Today had been the perfect opportunity (seeing as they only had a three-hour practice). At least that was what Ginny had in mind before opening her locker to her newest correspondence. 

  Before Ginny could follow her train of thought and lean towards him, Harry jerked back towards the coffee table. “So, my guess is that there is a desire motive here.” 

  Ginny resisted the urge to sigh. Why was he still pulling back? Her eyes drifted towards the notes. The one closest to her was the one from today. The one that mentioned Harry… Was he pulling back because this nutter mentioned him?

  “Which works with the idolizing theory,” Harry continued to elaborate, pointing to certain passages. “In the first letter, there is a mention to how caring you are and the fact that no one deserves such kindness. When did you receive this one?”

  “I -” Ginny cleared her throat. She needed to focus on the task at hand. She would deal with Harry later. “I don’t know the exact day. Maybe a month and a half ago.” 

  “Had you done anything special around that time?” Harry asked, his finger trailing across the dried ink.

  Ginny thought about it for a moment. “Actually - I had just done a charity event at my brothers’ shop.” 

  That made Harry look back up at her. “What charity event?”

  “It was to support magical families who had been affected by lycanthropy. You’ve noticed the scars on Bill's face?"

  Harry nodded. "I didn't want to ask, but I was curious."

  "It's no secret. When out on a case Bill had been attacked by a werewolf." Ginny watched Harry's eyes go wide. "The weird thing about it was the werewolf wasn't transformed. So Bill isn’t a full werewolf, but it was an eye-opener for my family at how bad things were for others who had been bitten at the full moon." 

  "Serious?" Harry's mouth formed into a sharp snarl, his teeth bared. She watched his hands clench into fists. "Why did that fucker attack Bill if he wasn’t turned?"

  Ginny was taken aback by the venom in Harry’s voice. Only someone who had personally dealt with a werewolf tended to speak with anger rather than fear. “He was a sadistic bastard who enjoyed hurting people. He’s dead now, taken out by some of Bill’s fellow curse breakers. She reached out, taking one of his fists in her palm. With her free hand, Ginny slowly uncurled Harry’s tight extremities. “Who do you know that’s a werewolf?”

  “I--” Harry pressed his mouth into a thin line. His eyes were downcast, focused on their joined hands. Ginny had loosened all his fingers and now began massaging his palm. “One of my godfathers was bitten as a child.” 

  Neither of them spoke, rather Ginny just continued to massage small circles into his palm. She didn’t have the word strong enough to express all the emotions coursing through her. Harry tilted his chin so their eyes met. Affection… the word Ginny would use to describe the look in Harry’s eyes was overwhelming affection. 

  Ginny couldn’t stand it any longer; the desire to kiss him was staggering. She leaned in. Just as she was able to count his eyelashes, a knock pounded on her door. 

  “Hey!” Bill’s rough voice came muffled through the wood. “Ginny, let me in.” 

  Harry was on his feet before Ginny had fully realized what had happened. “I’ll just let him in, shall I?” His voice was rough and when his back was to her, Ginny could see the pink tinge that had covered the tips of his ears. Ginny swore under her breath. Of course, her brother had to come and ruin the moment. Such a cock block . 

  “Bill, it’s Harry.” Harry had pressed his ear to the wood. “I’m going to ask you a question. If you get it right, I’ll let you in.”

  Ginny couldn’t hear what Bill said in response, but Harry snorted before asking, “What was the first thing you ever said to me?”

  “Why the fuck --” Ginny started to question why Harry would ask Bill that, but before she could finish her sentence the door swung wide. Apparently, Bill hadn’t challenged Harry’s code. 

  Ginny’s brother walked in, pulling his leather jacket off as he went. He smiled over at Ginny, who hadn’t moved from her spot on the sofa. “Hey, I like the new doorman. Good security is hard to find these days.”

  Harry gave her a sheepish grin. “Sirius always made me challenge a visitor with a question only they should know. It’s just a safety precaution he was serious about.”

  Ginny had to focus her attention away from Harry’s adorable face. She turned to her brother, hoping her if looks could kill glare would be enough for him to understand what she wanted.  “What are you doing here, Bill?”

  Bill put an affronted hand over his heart. “Can’t I just want to see my favorite sister?” 

  “Sure you can. And now that you’ve seen me you can go back home to your pregnant wife, who I’m sure is missing you.”

  “Actually she’s visiting her friend, who is also pregnant.” Bill smiled smugly at her. “Fleur told me to come to see you. So, what have you two been up to?"

  Ginny loved all her brothers, even Percy (who seemed to have a permit stick up his ass). They were all good men who loved, cared for, and protected her and always seemed to know what she needed. Except at this moment, as Bill grinned at her, he was being a prat. He clearly knew what he had interrupted and he found it hilarious. 

  “We were trying to figure out who was sending her letters.” Harry pointed to pieces of parchment still sitting on the coffee table. “Ginny got a new one today.” 

  That wiped Bill’s egotistical smirk off his face. His entire posture shifted to replicate that of their mother when she scolded any of her children, including the hands-on-hips ensemble. “Why didn’t you firecall me?”

  “Well, as you pointed out,” Ginny drawled. “I already have my own security team here, so I figured I was safe for the moment. Harry isn’t just here to look pretty, though he’s doing a fine job with that too.” She winked at Harry who, bless his soul, blushed. 

  “Er --” Harry swallowed hard. “I -- I just want to make sure Gin is safe.” 

  Instead of focusing on the meaning behind Harry’s words, Bill seemed to lock on a certain part of the sentence. “Gin, huh? I didn’t realize you two were at the cute pet names stage.” Bill’s tone became venomous as he turned to glare at Harry. 

  Harry blanched. “I -- what?”

  Ginny came off the sofa in order to smack her brother’s chest with the back of her hand. “Stop being such a prat.” 

  Bill looked down at her. “I’m just performing my brotherly duties. You always hated that nickname when we were kids.” 

  It was true; Ginny hadn’t always been fond of being called Gin . It just never seemed to fit her, but when Harry had said it… nothing had ever felt more right. “Well, you wouldn’t like it either if your brothers are calling you poor little Gin Gin because they were leaving you out of their pick-up game of quidditch.” She turned to Harry. “But I showed them in the end how good little Gin Gin was.” 

  Harry’s lip curved into a wide grin, which was just what she’d wanted. She had wanted to remove that look of panic from his eyes.

  Bill rolled his eyes. “And you never let us forget it. Okay, so what have you discovered in the letter?”

  Ginny shrugged. “Just that they think I’m the best thing in the world.”

  “And that this world doesn’t deserve you so they will be the one to quote, liberate you, end quote.” Harry moved back towards the sectional but changed directions last moment to sit in the oversized armchair that sat beside the sofa. Ginny had to bite back her angry words to Bill again. She had been making so much progress until that tosser came over.

  “Liberate you?” Bill took the sofa seat that had once been Harry’s. “Since when has that been his focus?” 

  “Since today, I guess.” Ginny handed him that day’s note. 

  Bill read the words rapidly, his brow furrowing with each passing second. He looked up from the page. “They don’t like the two of you together, huh?” 

  Ginny shrugged. “Don’t know why.”

  “Because they think they love you.” Harry’s voice was so quiet Ginny almost missed it. She spun to look at him. He held the first letter in his hands, his finger scrolling down the page. 

  “What makes you think that?” Bill was looking at Harry too, his expression more intrigued than anything. 

  “The phrasing.” Harry gestured between the notes. “They use words such as devotion, enchanting, and piety. All of which are strong ways to express love. This person thinks they love Ginny because she is too perfect. But now that I’ve noticed Ginny’s excellence, they’ve become jealous. They figure that Ginny is basically a deity and no one should be allowed to reach her level and be with her in any capacity.”  

  Ginny’s mouth was hanging wide open and she had to make a conscious effort to close it. “Where the fuck did you learn all of that?”

  Harry flushed. “I - Uh - enjoy reading muggle detective books. They - erm - like to go into the minds of the suspect.” 

  Ginny didn’t quite believe that was how that worked. Someone didn’t gain skills like that from a fiction novel, because if they did Ginny was bitter that her muggle romance obsession hadn’t assisted her. She was sure that Bill was going to be as skeptical as her, but he was nodding thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think you’re right, Potter. The question is how far is this person willing to go?”

  Harry's jaw tightened. "I don't know, and I'm not willing to find out."

  A shiver ran down Ginny’s spine. The conviction in his voice…

  Bill nodded. “I’m with you.” They turned to her simultaneously. 

  “What?” Ginny looked between the two of them. “I don’t have any desire to find out!” 

  “Okay so then it’s settled.” Bill clapped his hands together. “We will inform the proper authorities, but until they find this lunatic you’ll stick with either me or Harry. ”

  Ginny opened her mouth to protest, but Bill put up a silencing finger. “I know, you don’t need a babysitter, but you do need backup and who better than your brother and your -” He paused, looking over at Harry. “Your Harry.” 

  She glared at her brother, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks, but she couldn’t argue with him. There was some nutter following her and she had no idea what they wanted. “I don’t like this.”

  Bill gave her a sarcastic smile. “You’re not supposed to.”

  Harry rubbed the back of his neck. “I won’t be all bad. We can watch some of those cheesy muggle films I’ve been telling you about.” 

  Ginny’s heart fluttered in her chest. He was just too adorable. And if Bill hadn’t shown up she would be showing him just how adorable she found him. Her mind started playing out ideas of her and Harry alone in his flat… his telly playing nondescriptly in the background as their focus shifted to more personal exhibitions.  

  Hoping her face didn’t reveal her intimate reverie she said, “Fine. I guess I don’t have much of a choice.” 

  “Nope.” Bill popped the P as he clapped his hands. “Now that’s settled, I’m going to go tell Fleur that I’ll be spending the night here. Do you have a schedule for the week?” 

  Ginny grimaced. “You're gonna sleep here as well? I thought this was just going to be when I was out.”

  “They know where you live, Gin - ny.” Harry stuttered the end of her name, his eyes flickering towards Bill. “Which is another thing. We need a list of people who have been to your place. There is no telling if they will try to attack you while you sleep, so it’s better to have someone here with you just in case.” 

  “Will you be one of my night-time cohorts, or is that only Bill’s position?” 

  Harry’s jaw dropped as pink spread across his cheeks. “I -uh - I mean - I can if that’s what you want.”

  Before Ginny could say please and thank you, Bill answered, his tone fierce when he spoke. “It will just be me.”

  Ginny gave her brother her infamous innocent look. “But Bill, what about when we have an away game? Like this week we have four nights in Spain for a tournament against Barcelona.” 

  “Well, I mean -” Bill faltered, biting his lower lip. “You can share a double room with Ariel or Prue.”

  Or I can share a single room with Harry , Ginny smirked to herself. “Sure I can.” 

  The relieved look on Bill’s face almost made her feel guilty for her devious thoughts. Almost . Bill rose from the sofa. “Okay, I’ll be back soon, unless you wanna come and spend the night at mine and Fleurs?”

  “Bill, why do you ask questions you already know the answer too?”

  Sighing, Bill pulled on his jacket. “Can’t blame a bloke for trying. He leaned over and kissed the top of Ginny’s head. “Thanks for being good about all this. I know it’s not easy.”

  Ginny gave him a conciliatory smile. “Someone once told me safety first and all that.” 

  Harry snorted. “That’s right.” 

  Bill looked between them, lingering an extra second on Harry as if to pass a silent secret message. Then he was waving, closing the door behind him. 

  Ginny looked over at Harry. “I’m guessing you’re staying until Bill comes back.”

  The sheepish smile Harry gave her answered the question. 

  “Well, then turn on the wireless. We should be able to catch the last few minutes of the Harpies destroying Puddlemere.”

  “Really?” One of Harry’s eyebrows quirked up. “You think the Harpies will beat Puddlemere’s defense? Wood has been nearly unstoppable this season.”

  Ginny waved off his vindication. “The Harpies chasers haven’t missed more than ten goals in the last five games. Wood will need a miracle to stop them.” 

  Harry turned the knob on the wireless, making the tinny announcer’s voice come through the speakers, before sitting down beside her on the sectional. As his hand brushed against hers, Ginny couldn’t help but feel a sense of rightness . Even though her life was in danger by some crazed stalker, with Harry beside her, everything felt right and simple .

She let her head rest on Harry’s shoulder, taking in his intoxicating scent. Yup, this was right .

[cbk1000]

Second post for my director’s commentaries, prompted by @goldcaught. The first post is here, and the original director’s commentary for fanfic post is here.

Melissa’s next request was for ‘Yea, Though I Walk’, which was prompted by a mutual on here mentioning that they’d like to see a fic in which Klaus was never woken from his desiccation at the end of season 3, and instead wakes a thousand years later, to a land ruled by Caroline, as it should be. 

I jumped on this (and honestly, I wish I had been able to do something more than a one-shot with it, but I was in the middle of my Originals fic at the time and didn’t have time for two big projects) because I loved the idea of them being physical equals. (I also have a boner for original!Caroline and newborn!Klaus, which we will see in my next director’s commentary.) I think their relationship was one of the few things TVD got right in terms of romantic dynamics (and I’m sure only then because it took place during a comparative Golden Era); Caroline, unlike many other enabling assholes (Stefan, Elena, I am looking pointedly at you), always pushed back against Klaus and his shitty actions, despite the fact that he was quite literally (till Plec ruined him) the most feared supernatural creature to walk the earth. And I loved that about them--that despite the massive power imbalance, she never hesitated to verbally backhand a bitch when he needed it. However, the ability to physically backhand him is even better.

I set this fic during an ice age, and I honestly can’t remember why; possibly I was re-reading ASoIaF at the time and the whole ‘winter is coming’ thing inspired me, but more likely I just liked the Aesthetic of having Caroline and the Original family living in a giant ice palace. But please, someone read really deeply into it so I look like a genius.  

There are futurists aspects of this, of course, but I’m not much of a sci-fi reader, so it’s not hard sci-fi; however, I can guarantee the little robots flitting around (there’s a robot butler called Jeeves and I like to think Kol named him) were somehow inspired by one or another of Ray Bradbury’s stories. His work takes up almost half a shelf on my bookcase, and I’ve read most everything he’s ever written.

Caroline is essentially a Mikaelson at this point. Rebekah refers to her as her sister after someone tries to poison her at a fancy dinner party they’re having to try and facilitate a political alliance, and this is 100% due to two things: A. I love Rebekoline and B. I needed Caroline to have a family that was ride or die for her in the most murderously batshit way possible. On the show, she was constantly passed over by her friends, and even her own mother, and I have this little found family fantasy wherein the irony is that the people who actually love her best and most faithfully are absolute lunatics who will literally eviscerate someone for ruining her hairstyle. (And don’t ever break her heart, because Kol will show up on your doorstep with no plan and extra creativity.)

This fic was also 100% just an excuse for Kol to try and embarrass his big brother in front of his crush:  "Sorry, did I interrupt something? How did that old saying go- Nik and Caroline sitting in a tree…something about a pram and the shrine Nik has built out of the hairs he sneaks from your comb every morning-" 

"Listen to that wit, Nik- still stunning, isn't she? I can just picture this evening's journal entry: Dear Diary, today my lovely Caroline, light of my life, star of my existence, flame of my loin, made a funny. It was without flaw, Diary, just like every inch of her unblemished camellia-petal morning dew silk knicker legs. Love Until You Inevitably Disappoint Me, Mr. Caroline Forbes."

This fic is basically the future I wanted for Caroline; not just with Klaus, but with an actual family. Yes, they’re all murdering fucks, but they’re her murdering fucks, goddammit.

Also, if anyone would like to write a 300,000 word expansion on this featuring complicated political backstabbing set amidst various vampire mob families living in what’s basically Versailles if Versailles were made entirely of ice + aggressive KC boning, I’m not going to stop you. 

[brownhardyho]

Being Married to Ben HC, Pt 3

A/N: The 3rd installment of my Being Married to Ben HC. Enjoy! 💛🤗 Fluff & Smut ahead, and a smidge of angst if you squint real hard!

You and Ben have always had a healthy and adventurous sex life throughout the course of your relationship

BUT making a baby with Ben was something that made it NEXT LEVEL

After Christmas and especially when it was just you two in the house, y'all were basically going at it like rabbits

Since New Year's and Ben's birthday fall in the same week, party szn prompted you both to dress to the nines

This obvs helped with keeping you both horny for each other 24/7

You and Ben went to Rami and Lucy's NYE party, and you made it a point to keep your husband on his toes by wearing a gold dress that glided like water around your curves, stopping mid thigh, with a plunging open back

You and Ben were dancing (grinding) with each other on the dance floor and that's when you heard Ben's breath hitch when his wandering hands slipped underneath the hem of your dress

"Goddamn, babygirl no knickers?!" Ben growls into your ear

A second later, he leads you upstairs into the guest bathroom, quickly pushing his trousers down his thighs, placing you in front of him so that you're both facing the mirror

"This is gonna have to be quick, love" He says as he bunches up your dress and slides his hard cock into your already wet and waiting cunt

Needless to say, you both came within a matter of minutes, the displayed images of Ben pounding powerfully into you launching you both into total euphoria

The NYE countdown was forgotten by the both of you b/c y'all were busy

Then, on Ben's birthday, you surprised him in the morning by waking him up with a blowjob

"Love I as much as I love coming in your mouth, I wanna cum in your pussy"

He takes control now by ravishing your body b/c that's all he really wants for his birthday

The whole morning is spent with Ben eating you out and fucking you in multiple positions to the point of overstimulation

Ben's resolve to edge himself is award worthy b/c birthday boy does NOT want come (just yet)

His resolve crumbles when you are riding him, your hips gyrating in circles, your hands clutching your breasts, absolutely lost in chasing your pleasure yet again

Ben thrusts his hips up to meet yours and the feeling of your wet warm cunt clenching his wide girth is finally enough for him to shoot hot white spurts of his seed into your walls

"You think that was it?" He asks as he brings his hand up to your abdomen, looking at you with a hopeful and loving gaze

"Could be, bub," You chuckle softly, trying to stifle a yawn threatening to escape. "Let's take a nap and we can try again!"

"God I love you," He groans sleepily, wrapping his arms around you 

Despite months of trying, the pregnancy tests always came back negative

And y'all tried alright, different positions, tracking ovulation, etc.

If there was another new method of promoting conception, chances are you and Ben have tried it already

You both went to the doctor to get checked out and to see if everything is good

And while you and Ben are in good health (perfect even) the doctor said it just takes time to conceive

So you take the doctors advice and try not to pay as much attention to your ovulation tracking app as much

Ben can sense your insecurity of not being able to get pregnant right away 

He never stops telling you how much he loves and adores you (and proves it by showing you)

And he also gives you your space to work things out on your own

"Love, why don't we take a holiday? Just the two of us?" Ben asks softly as he rocks both your bodies to the soft music playing in the kitchen

"Let's do it, baby! Maybe we need to just stop trying so hard... "

"Whatever happens, will happen," He says

And boy did it happen, a month after your long weekend getaway to Spain, you were welcomed with a positive pregnancy test

5 of them to be exact

You went to your doctor alone to confirm, and just like that you are 1 month into your pregnancy

You decide to tell Ben as soon as you get home

When you walk through the door, Ben runs up to you, his hopeful green eyes staring into your soul, his hand holding on to the wastebasket with the discarded pregnancy tests

"Please tell me this is happening... "

You smile and nod, the happy tears already threatening to spill over "Ben, baby I'm pregnant. We're having a baby!"

Ben’s reaction is priceless b/c HE IS SHOOK & SPEECHLESS HONEY

He’s silent for about 2 minutes, just letting his emotions come through and he can’t stop smiling and he is MOST definitely crying because HE’S SO HAPPY

Aaaand then he sets the wastebasket down and he finally speaks 

“OH MY GOD I’M GONNA BE A DAD” “WE’RE HAVING A BABY” “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH”

Ben immediately picks you up and twirls you around, just placing kisses all over your face

Frankie runs over, barking and Ben takes it as a protective warning for you

“Oh my god, are you ok baby? Sorry I didn’t mean to hug you so hard, I am just so excited...”

“Oh hush, Ben,” you playfully scoff at your husband “I’m just one month in, I can still do stuff”

“Oh baby, I believe it!” Ben smiles at you, slinging his arm around your waist bringing you close to him “We’ll just have to be more careful from now on.”

“Whatever you say, honey,” You sigh happily into his warm chest, with a feeling that Ben will be the sweetest yet most over-protective father to be.

Permanent tag list: @chocolatealmondmilkshake , @rrrogah-tayluhh , @wanderlustandsmut 

A/N: Soo I was gonna make this the last part of the headcanon but, I am down to write another part....;) Thoughts and/or concerns fam??

[thegothicviking]

I was tagged by @reeshs @ofmemesandbands to do a little "get to know me ask thingy". Thank you for that, you beauties! 🖤 Excuse my long answers but I think you'd be entertained anyway! (I hope?)

Nickname: Mary Cemetery, Mary, or simply Viking/The Viking.

Real name: That will remain a mystery/a secret but I can reveal that it begins with M. (But it's not Mary or Mari or anything similar) and I do have the word "Viking" in one of my last names (I have two surnames because my parents were not married and wanted me and my big sis to have both of their family names. So yes! A little part of my name is Viking-[something]from my mother's maiden name/original family name. Meaning YES I am indeed Viking!

Zodiac: Taurus/Tyren/El Toro

Favorite musicians or bands:

- The Bauhaus (or Peter Murphy as solo)

- The Sisters of Mercy

- Lords of The New Church (or Stiv Bators as solo)

- Feeling B & Magdalene Keibel Combo (Flake and Paul are my bois!)

- Rammstein (also nice bois!)

- David Bowie (Rest in peace my sweet boi!)

- Dissection (Rest in Chaos Jon, even though you were a homophobic lunatic/Asshole I still liked your music. Swedish Satanic Black Metal)

- A lot of deathmetal

- Skeletal Family (many 80's goth rock bands really)

-Nachtmahr

- Eisbrecher

- Stahlmann

-Deine Lakaien

- Scorpions

- Depeche Mode (anything from the 1980's really)

- Classical compositioners like Edvard Grieg/Beethoven/Bach and a little bit of Mozart or Vivaldi

- KSMB. Swedish punk rock/German punk rock or Swedish metal (yes...I am a Norwegian that prefers SWEDISH Black Metal. Shoot me if you must!)

- Rosetta Stone

- Pretencious Moi? (Their lyrics are like an unfinished story and you can fill the gaps!)

- KNORKATOR (absolute insane and silly bois, I love them!!)

- Rozz Williams (Rest in Peace my sweet beautiful boi!),

- INXS (Rest in Peace M. Hutchence my beautiful boi!)

- Die Ärzte

- Skitarg (like a Swedish ICP but of course a lot better and with funnier lyrics!)

- Danzig

Favorire Sports team: Team Bisexual! 💜

Other Blogs: Not yet. I still need to learn how to add other blogs and then I will do one specifically about my Liebeslied Rammstein fic series and the character's. And maybe also my poetry in there too. Or maybe not.

Do I get asks?: Sometimes. Mostly I get questions about being Norwegian/Scandinavian or someone make rude Anon comments about one of my posts and I have to defend myself and my opinions. But a part from that; No. Not that many.

How many blogs do I follow?: 132

Tumblr crushes: Yes.

Lucky Numbers: 13 (After I won a non-smoking contest in class and my name was number 13 on the class list) I have also always liked the numbers 8 and 0. I prefer even numbers.

What am I wearing?: Comfy plain black suit/tracksuit looking pants that are both stylish and comfy AND has pockets!!, and my black long sleeve Feeling B jumper, no socks and no bra and black hotpants (knickers. I hate wearing thongs/g strings!)

Dream Vacation: I long to go back to Prague, and I want to visit Egypt and the Pyramids, Berlin (because we only got to stay in the city for a couple of hours..ugh!) I also long back to Auschwitz....(yes. I do. I was there in 2007/2008. I am a WWII history nerd!)

Dream car: Either a very old school and dashing Ford Model T, a hearse or a big brutal Panzer Tank. There is no in between!

Favorite Food: Anything that doesn't contain too much garlic (Iiiish!), raisins, Olives, Pineapples (NO PINEAPPLES ON PIZZAAAAAA!), coconuts or too much spices/chili/Soy (I am allergic to Soy) And don't worry you can feed me Vegetarian/Vegan food too! I won't try to bring my own meat and I will trust your cooking skills as long as you don't feed me any of the ingredients above!!

Drink of choice: That depends on the situation/disaster/time of the day and mood. Is it a good day? Then Water, Corona (the beer not the virus!!) or Energy drinks. Is it morning? A good Landersino (weak capuccino but strong milk coffee) Is it Evening/night time? Then a nice cup of tea. Has it been a terrible day? Then Gin & Tonic, Vodka & Redbull, A really strong Long Island Ice Tea or Rum & Coke.

Instruments: The horrible cat shriek sounding Recorder Flute. That is the only instrument that I am rocking at the moment! (I will play the Titanic song for you if I truly love you!)

Languages: Norwegian Nynorsk, Norwegian Bokmål, my dialect, English, Swedish (Gothenburg dialect or Scaania/Malmö dialect), Spanish and I am also trying to learn German and Welsh (yes. Welsh. It is beautiful but impossible to learn!)

Celebrity Crushes: David Bowie (rest in peace sweet alienboi!) Stoya (female pornstar), Till Lindemann, Noomi Rapace (Swedish Actress), Michael Nyqvist (Swedish Actor. Rest in Peace my sweet boi!), young Kate Bush, Antonio Banderas, John Maclean (discovered this divine creature on Youtube recently!), Rozz Williams (Rest in Peace my sweet boi!), Peter Murphy, Emilie Autumn (but I don't listen to her that often anymore), Adora Batbrat (Gothic Youtuber but I am not that fan of her anymore), Razor Candi (Gothic Model but she has gotten some more surgeries now that I don't like), Salma Hayek, Shakira.

Random Fact(s):

A little gross but I have basically no nails on either of my pinky-toes. I was born that way and I am the 5th generation woman on my mother's side that doesn't have pinky toe nails! (I miss the upper part so trying to cut them is always a game of Russian Roulette...will I be able to cut it? Will I cut my skin, bleed and die?? I'll have to cut and see because the tiny little stump/piece of nail is still jabbing me if it gets "too long" :)! )

I was also born with a more inward bent spine/back and I was told by my Chiropracter (or how you spell it?) at the age of 10 that if I didn't do exercises/wore a corset..(at the age of 10!?!?) for my back then it would break/snap should I ever want to get pregnant (even though I always look pregnant when I relax and walk "normally".....*sigh*). So yeah I need to work up my core! (But I am too lazy to do so ...)

I know how to belly dance (not that many moves but I'm still learning from online classes)

I can write and read in the Elder Futhark runes without cheating!

I am a natural cold blooded bitch with a normal temperature of 36.4 °C, instead of the standard 37.5°C. (Once again this is from my mother's side)

I did amateur acting from the age of 6-19 and in 10 out of those 13 years/plays I had to be a boi/man because we were always in short of bois and I have a deep voice I guess.. (so yeah for 10 years of my childhood I was basically a boi/man!)

Despite enjoy dressing up in skirts and dresses and do my makeup I have a very butch/masculine personality (I was a tomboy as a kid) and both men and women are either terrified or confused by this (as they expect me to be just as feminine as my looks/makeup. Which is silly!)

I am sadistic (in my writing and in my thoughts) and one of the reasons why I write is to be able to TORTURE and/or KILL "people" without getting arrested :)

Ok so I am not gonna tag anyone in particular. If you would like to answer these questions then go right ahead and do so!

Uki. Takk! Det var/va alt! (Ok. Thanks! That was all!)

[sirro85-blog]

Humans are Space Orcs: Improvising

So as I have described humans are ingenious and curious and they have the ability to look at a piece of fruit that tingles while you eat it and see a weapon. It goes further than that though. Humans can even look at a mistake and see success in another guise.

Major Kovac looked at his fellow officers and gave a gesture I had never seen him make before he spread his hands slowly and then brought his shoulders up.

"I think, that when we sent the last order the message got scrambled," ventured Captain Gillespie.

"Well I fucking hope so because I don't see how a request for 'artillery ammunition, medical supplies, rifle munitions and fuel' became 'water bottles, uniforms, pens, pencils, notepads, paperweights!? 150 Nyrex, assorted foodstuffs; and fuel'..." Kovac trailed off, "add to that the only supplies we have to begin with are food and for some reason paint and plaster."

"Munitions supplies code: 83-C; recruits basics supplies: 8-DE...medical supplies code: 14-P office supplies: 40-B" Gillespie said in a monotone voice.

"Whoever was on the other end didn't think to question or ask for a repeat order, it's the new civillian company running logistics they don't speak phonetics so they relay it normally so our order "Eight-Three-Charlie" becomes "8DE" in a busy office and we end up with new water bottles, nyrex and uniforms." Captain Becca said, "the wonders of privatisation." she laughed.

"Alright Bex, no time for your socialist rants now, we're going to have to make do. Wolf, What do you think?" Kovac enquired

"Surrender," Wolf replied immediately, "No seriously sir, I say we surrender." He raised his voice as the other officers shouted him down, "these aren't a horde of barely trained fanatics we're facing down these are the cream of the crop, the zealots who have served these crackpots long enough to become battle hardened and true veterans." He gestured around himself a little wildly, "what do we have? a squad of combat engineers, one squadron of wet behind the ears infantry, Gilly's auxiliary troop, and the second half of our forces are fucking weekend warriors, the strategic planetary defence reserves, other than the 88th and Gilly we can't count on two thirds of our forces. The OC is so far past it even he has realised it and I don't trust Major Picklefarts as far as I can throw her."

Kovac clicked his fingers a few times and hummed the bars to "Catfish Blues" Captain Becca gave a soulful hum.

"Woke up this mornin'," growled Dorman in his best blues singer voice, "my dog was dead; no food in my fridge y'all; ate my dog instead."

"Got idiots above me; got morons below; if it gets much colder; it'll start to snow" finished Becca.

"Feel better?" Asked Kovac.

"How can it possibly snow here? It's 35°C in the shade! We're in a god damn furnace!" Wolf drew a calming breath.

"Now that we've made Wolf feel better let's clear up a few things," first...it's Major Portbury and I don't much like her either, second the other two squadrons will hold their line until they don't not much more we can ask of them. Third, Gilly hasn't just got a troop he's got Staff Sergeant Frank King and his units could bring Muddy Waters back from the dead to slap us all for ruining blues, and he's got Griffin Battery out there and we know what those boys can do with a connonade. So it's us, it's us the 88th, 3 Squadron Combat Engineers, Fighting Fit and Fucking Ugly, the real first in last out, the infantry may hold the front line but we fucking build it." Kovac pointed a finger at his map, "everything we know says the Xhost are going to try to capture the peninsula, they do that they gain the remote base within a week and they neuter the Fortress Moon, then they have a foothold in another system and who knows how long before the Galactic Council decide to take them seriously, they'll have another million "converts" by then. So we stop them here, we hold the Isthmus, we send them back to their ships or we send them to hell."

"With glass paperweights?" Wolf asked in a scathing tone, "Kovac I love you brother but without the supplies we're going to lose."

"Want me to show you what I can do with a paperweight?" Becca said with a growl.

"That gives me an idea," said Kovac, "Wolf, Becca, who's the nastiest soldier you've got?"

"Barbie," said Wolf.

"Knickers," said Becca.

"Dorman? What about you?"

"In a fist fight? Bickers is a nasty piece of work but for one of your ideas? Well Bickers again but you'll have to let him know just how nasty you want him to get."

"Alright have those three, Buckets, Footsteps and Corporal Chloe meet me in my office, Wolf you can join us too, just keep your eyes off the Panther's arse, Becca go see what you think of Portbury. Dorman go with Gilly and see what you would do to our defences if you had a wish list."

The meeting in the Major's office went on late into the night, unusually for human military Major Kovac was not just respected by his soldiers he was well liked. In the early hours of the morning as the soldiers left the office Kovac "high-fived" Knickers as the two achieved success in their experiments.

The following morning Kovac was found striding across the top of the fortifications gesticulating enthusiastically. "Here, and down there, it'll provide good cover for your men," he explained to the dazed looking infantry officer.

Around him infantry soldiers were carefully ripping paper from notepads and sliding them into each pocket in the nyrex they held.

"You see," Gillespie was explaining enthusiastically, "we use the left over plaster and water, and soak the new uniforms in them to create a sort of plaster cast...glacis, something to absorb damage and line the enemy up to expose them to your attacks, then we fortify it with these nyrex, filled with paper they have pretty impressive stopping power and the whole thing is made of leftovers and things wrongly delivered instead of medicine and other useful supplies. It's genius really." Major Portbury looked unimpressed but that didn't stop Gillespie, "Griffin Battery have taken the paint pots that was clever too, I think Footsteps deserves a raise Kovac ha ha, then Kovac has come up with some really nasty tricks with the water bottles and paperweights."

"Unfortunately we're out of fuel," cut in Kovac, so we'll be walking a lot," in his head he played back Becca's statement from earlier this morning, 'she resents being promoted to Major late and resents having to join a new regiment of raw recruits to do it, she resents the idea that she can't cut it and resents her men, also the girl can drink but... she may be a good officer one day, if she can ditch the chip on her shoulder.'

"Major I think it's probably best if you and your men hold the centre, we need infantry not engineers playing at infantry in our middle to steady our line, we'll put the SPDR on the far right flank where the attack should be weakest, my 88th will take the left flank, they'll hit that flank harder as they're coming from the South. Better us than the militia, sorry the SPDR, but with you a rock on one side and the water on the other we should be ok."

Portbury appeared to consider this and then nodded, without the Lietenant-Colonel there Kovac had seniority anyway.

"OK then, I'm going to send my engineers out to rig up some welcome wagons for the Xhost when they arrive" Kovac gave the Major a nod and walked away.

Kovac kept his men busy that day, he pushed them to work hard and they responded, the Major himself was tireless, he moved up and down the line talking with the men of the reserves on the right flank and then spending time with the infantrymen always talking positively about the situation, at midday he organised a competition, platoon against platoon and as the men ran up and down their line, stopping and firing at specific targets they realised how the improvised glacis exposed those before it to fire from a range of fields. Their confidence grew.

Late evening saw the first lines of Xhost troops pull into view, they had started to set up camp when Griffin Battery, buried further back behind enemy lines opened fire, explosions on their base caused chaos and when the dust had settled through omni-goggles Kovac could see the smoking ruins of three air support ships, the surprise of Griffin Battery had been lost but there was no air support for the Xhost tomorrow.

When the Xhost advanced in the pre-dawn gloom they did so in near silence, Griffin Battery stayed silent, they crept forward until the silent guns filled them with confidence and the advance sped up, they crept closer until in the middle of their lines explosions tore through the ranks.

Crouched and looking through the omni-goggles, Captain Becca called out ranges as more detonations shredded the advance. The Xhost fell back.

"Improvised nailbombs, water bottles with fuel and gunpowder salvaged from rifle rounds, strapped to two glass paperweights each." Kovac nodded to Becca, "That knickers is a nasty piece of work."

"They're advancing!" Yelled Becca from her vantage point, "two divisions on the left flank, one division in the centre, half a division moving to the right."

Again the Xhost advanced cautiously, and again the guns of Griffin Battery stayed silent, the few remaining paperweight bombs detonated but this time the Xhost were ready for them, and did not recoil in shock.

The advancing army looked vast in comparison to the thin like of troops dug in to oppose them, they drew nearer still nearly in rifle range when the guns of Griffin Battery sounded, amongst the shells shattering the Xhost lines were improvised shells which erupted on impact and appeared to contain liquid fire, Lance Corporal Bickers knowing that fuel and polystyrene - a packing product for the "useless" paperweights - could combine to create a highly flammable viscous liquid was the sort of information that earned him considerable "side eye" most of the time, but on occasion proved extremely useful. The fact he had known at least four other methods to make "napalm" was considered concerning.

The advance lines caught in the firestorm disappeared into the flames, the rest of the Xhost retreated.

"They're done for the day," said Kovac harshly, he looked out at the killing zone as if forcing himself to watch what he had done.

Kovac was correct in his assessment night fell and the Xhost made no movements to advance, the human forces bedded down and the sentries fought heavy lids as they watched the enemy lines.

Morning broke with a stiff breeze sweeping in from the northern shore bringing moisture and freshness to the air. The Xhost drew up and then stood watching the human defences, they stood and sang their hymns, Major Kovac ordered his men stood down but the infantry and SPDR stayed in their positions on guard while the engineers slept. The Xhost stood and sang all day, and late into the night and while Major Kovac had his men keep sentry and the others slept the less experienced troops stayed in position.

It appeared as though the Xhost might try to sing their way to victory, depriving the troops of the Galactic Council Defence Force of sleep until they were defeated but Kovac appeared to have a plan, as dawn broke the second day on the singing Xhost, the wind tugging at the ceremonial robes if their battle clerics rifle fire sounded and commanders of the Xhost began to fall, over a dozen shots sounded before the shocked Xhost rushed forwards. Half way between the two armies Hemmings and Richards the two finest shots in the engineers ranks broke cover and sprinted for the safety of their own lines.

While the two humans had a significant lead they were stiff and cold and amongst the massed ranks of the Xhost were species significantly faster than humans. As the massed ranks of the Xhost surged forward some shapes raced ahead, fastest of all were the unmistakable forms of Rhul converts, surging across the ground in their four legged posture.

Griffin Battery opened fire and still the two snipers ran with the Rhul closing the gap every stride. Hemmings was 30 yards ahead of his fellow sniper when he stopped, turned and fired three shots, the two Rhul yards from Richards dropped and Hemmings turned and sprinted for home.

The Xhost kept coming and for the first time reached rifle range, the Xhost drove on over their falling comrades as the defensive lines cracked with rifle fire. Flashes of colour appeared in the Xhost lines as Kovac's next trick was revealed. Artillery shells, robbed of half their munitions weight attached to left over paint tins rained down on the Xhost causing damage and spreading paint across vast swathes of Xhost numbers, coating rifle sights and eye stalks in blinding paint.

Still the Xhost pushed forwards until they were close enough that the faces of the myriad species of the Xhost converts could be seen. Kovac's last trick was played, empty paint tins and empty food tins, packed with the wrongly delivered pens and pencils and the munitions taken from the paint-shells were fired from the infantry's portable howitzers.

As the thin metal reached muzzle velocity of 180m/s it shredded spraying thin slivers of metal and wood out into the Xhost lines.

A shudder went through the fanatic troops as their advance slowed and they paused, no shot fired in return and over 3/4 of their own number laying in carnage.

Kovac stood up and walked to the lip of the human defences, "now, bullet bomb, bayonets!" He bellowed and the left flank suddenly hailed grenades followed by a volley of bullets and then the 88th 3 Squadron Combat Engineers launched forward in their own advance.

By days end the Xhost were defeated and driven from the planet.

I have multiple examples of humans turning errors into victories, vulcanised rubber, antibiotics and even the low resistance substance they coat their ships in but these are often seen as unique events, they aren't. Human achievements all across history have been accompanied by two phrases. "I have an idea" and "What if?"

I'm assured "hold my beer" is a crucial part of their success too.

[jlf23tumble]

Hii Jen 😁 Saw you recommended The XF fics, could you possibly list a few of your favs?

I sure could!! NOTE: I really *do* have a mess of bookmarks that are still uncategorized or I bookmarked the works too recently to categorize, meaning that I probably have others I would rec to fit this bill, but oh, well…it’s a start, at least, le sigh. ADDITIONAL NOTE: read the tags! It goes without saying that people are gonna get upset about ages (even tho the UK/US have different consent rules), so if that’s you, do my inbox a favor and just stay away.

Sonic Sounds, by glasscushion, 5.7k words, E. “Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really…” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say really wet.” Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (lmaooooo, this is really new, and yet I *did* categorize it? God, my system is in shambles, but I’ll get it sorted in the next month or two)

never worse but never better, by sky_reid, 4.4k words, E. louis knows all the tricks to make harry squirm. (I have so many recs that are sort of “X Factor era,” but they’re during the tour?? does that even count?? if so, i’d put that loadedgunn one on here, too, tbh, but anything, I like this one because the author actually references a kink meme, and I just never see those anymore–either a reference or a thread)

Tigers Play Too Rough, by Blake, 5.9k words, E. Louis puts on his Determined Face, which, Harry has noticed, involves avoiding eye contact. “You’re…,” Louis crosses his arms on his chest and looks down, tragically unaffected by Harry’s bum. “You’re, like, tying me up, yeah?” he asks, so rushed that it sounds breathless, his face twisting up into a sideways grimace at the end. Or, Harry wants to try something new with Louis, and things don’t go quite the way he had imagined. (From when Blake was on a total tear and cranked out, like, five epicly amazing stories in the blink of an eye, two of them XF-related, this one being the begin rather than the end)

Tight Trouser Troubles, by orphan_account, 6.4k words, E. The first time doesn’t count.  Neither does the second, the third or so forth come to think of it.  Basically, Harry in Panties Phase One should be completely disregarded because Louis’ reaction wasn’t organic back then.  It couldn’t be.  Today, he’d one hundred percent be able to appreciate Harry in panties, but during their days on X Factor?  That was a different story altogether.  The problem back then was that they were never alone and that was quite an unfortunate problem to have. (LOTS of panties)

What a Heavenly Way to Die, by objectlesson, 8k words, E. She’s thought about it a lot, and two big things seem to be holding her back, aside from the uncontrollable paralysis that overtakes her body every time she so much as tries to sneak a hand under the waistband of Harry’s knickers. Or, Louis is afraid to do stuff to Harry, who has done a lot of stuff to her. (LISTEN, Phoenix is the queen of XF fic, I just recommend you go back and read allllll of her XF works, I would rec every single one…I’m just putting this one here because it’s the last one she wrote, and it was girl direction, which she didn’t really explore too much in canon headspace…if you want just the Phoenix ones, ping me again! They! Are! All! GOLDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!)

give you my fever, by beautlouis, 10.7k words, E. And he’s wanted it even more since he met Louis, it’s driven him insane, he spends 90% of his life turned on because of Louis and he’s had no relief at all. He’ll wake up at night too hot and itchy, with Louis warm and sweet smelling next to him, and unable to do anything but wank unsuccessfully, with no release. x-factor era. harry’s never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (I adore everything this author has ever written, and this story is both lovely and hot)

come on, bring everything series, by blankiehxrry, 11.7k words, E.  a bunch of one-shots through the course of l & h’s life with a bunch of different kinks involved in each one (old but gold, it is as it says, the first one is x factor house)

Make Tea, Not War, by adventuring and howdoyouwhisk, 20k words, M. “Is he the messiest?" "Yes." "Does he do the washing up?" "Never." "Does he make his bed?" "Never." "Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?" "Nope!" Or: Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry’s dismay. (lotsssssss of kinks, especially service 

A/B/O ‘Verse, by sarcasticfluentry, 71k words, E, needs ao3 account. Harry frowns, thinking that he shouldn’t have to be glad about what gender he is, just like omegas shouldn’t have to be scared and nervous that anyone they meet might want to hurt them. He wonders why none of this occurred to him before, how he possibly could’ve just sailed through life before this without realizing how fortunate he was being born a beta. That seems a bit too serious of a conversation for Simon Cowell’s waiting room, though, so Harry puts an arm around Louis’s shoulders and teases, “You say that like you’re old or something. Two years isn’t that big of a difference!” “Tell me that when you’re eighteen and looking back on this conversation,” Louis says. (heyyyyyy, I’m not a fan of alpha Harry AT ALL, but this x-factor a/b/o is a helluva lot less annoying than 99% of them, especially in the beginning, but yeah, it’s the same old same old in a lot of ways, so keep that in mind)

[artificialqueens]

The Ballerina and the B-girl Part 11 (Branjie) - Starsha

a/n: so I got some requests for an engagement/ wedding instalment, so my brain spat out this. This one shot is mostly told from Nina’s perspective as Brooke confides in her regarding important stages in her relationship with Vanessa (the crush, becoming girlfriends, moving in together and most importantly, planning the engagement). The actual engagement is in here too for your consideration ;)

Nina West was most defiantly two things. One, she was the best friend of Ms Brooklyn Hytes, CEO of Biomics Engineering Company and deep down hopeless romantic. Two, she was the leading world expert on said best friend’s relationship with Vanessa Mateo.

—The crush —

It was a gradual process, obtaining all this knowledge. It began over lunch one day, when Brooke came out with something that shocked the living daylights out of Nina.

“So I think that I might have a slight crush on someone” Brooke mentioned casually, almost making Nina choke on her spaghetti.

“YOU have a crush?!” Nina spluttered in complete shock. This was her best friend she was talking to, the bitch had never had anything more than a one night stand since they had become friends in college, completely by Brooke’s choice. This was a woman who’s longest relationship was with her houseplant Trevor.

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist about it Nina, I just met someone who I think I might actually want to get to know. You know, further than what they look like with clothes off” Brooke replied with a slight blush.

Nina started at her usually cold-hearted bitch of a best friend dumbfounded. Whoever this woman is, she must be something special to be giving Brooke butterflies.

“Ok then, well lets start with how you guys met and work from there?” Nina probed, and Brooke fell into telling her about the short and sassy Latino girl from the dance studio, about how they had flirted, about how Brooke would be seeing her again same time same place presumably.

“Well girl, you going to ask her out?” Nina suggested. Brooke looked at her with amusement and a dabble of hesitation.

“I mean, I’ll be sleeping with her at some point this Saturday there’s no doubt about that. Better see what she’s like in bed before I do anything too drastic” she replied with a hearty laugh. Nina joined in and rolled her eyes, that was the Brooke that she knew.

—Becoming girlfriends—

Nina received a phone call from Brooke on Sunday afternoon. She picked up quickly, eager to hear about how her little rendezvous with the sexy Latino from the dance studio. She envied Brooke’s goddess-like ability to pick up women, she swore that all the blonde had to do was bat her eyelashes and say anything in her Canadian accent to get the girls to open their legs for her.

“So how’d it go?” she asked.

“Girl,” Brooke started, and Nina knew this was going to be a juicy conversation, “fucking unbelievable. Haven’t had sex that good in a hot minute. She’s such a little minx, swaying her perfect little hips and looking up at me with those big brown eyes, pouting, BOTH daddy and praise kinks…damn”

Nina chuckled at that, deciding to probe further.

“My real question is, did she stay the night?” Brooke usually kicked women out of bed the minute she had finished having her way with them, so Nina was very intrigued to learn that this woman had not only stayed the night, but Brooke had fucked her again (twice) the next morning, made her breakfast AND driven her home! It was like she was talking to a different person!

“Bitch…sounds like you’re really into this girl” Nina mused in disbelief.

“I really am Nina, I’m so fucking confused but honestly don’t even care! She’s taking me out on Wednesday, she’s the kind of girl who’s going to want a relationship outta this. And I think that’s what I want too. But relationships aren’t my gig you know? I really like Vanessa and it’s kinda scaring the shit out of me” Brooke’s voice broke slightly, a change from her usual no-nonsense confidence.

“Brooklyn, as your best friend I can tell you that you would be an amazing girlfriend. I know deep down under that professional ice-queen front you got going on that you are a hopeless romantic. You want someone to spoil, someone to go home to. So you should go for it with this Vanessa girl. Go all in, and see where the ride takes you”

Brooklyn fell quiet at that, before thanking Nina and agreeing that she may as well board the Vanessa rollercoaster and see what the ride would bring.

—Moving in together—

It was 11 months later and Nina boastfully took credit for helping Brooke make the best decision of her life. The blonde was head over heels for Vanessa Mateo, sparing no expense or time when it came to the brunette. They had been on holiday together, Nina and Yvie joining the couple and Vanessa’s best friends, and Nina had seen first hand just how whipped her best friend was. She would probably jump off a cliff if Vanessa told her to.

So it was not a surprise when Brooke organised for them to meet for coffee a week before Vanessa’s birthday to ask for some advice.

“Nina, I think I want to ask Vanessa to move in with me on her birthday. Is it too soon? Am i crazy? She loves living with her friends and what if they think I’m trying to take her away from them?” she rattled out all her insecurities as Nina nodded her heart in solidarity.

“Brooke, that girl is absolutely smitten with you. In no universe would she say no to moving in. I think it’s a great idea! You are at each others basically every night anyways, so why not just ask her?”

Brooke considered for a minute before shaking her head.

“You’re right Nina. I can do this, I’m gunna do this. Oh fuck I’m going to do this! I’m asking Vanessa to move in with me!” she practically squealed with excitement and Nina’s heart grew two sizes seeing her best friend this happy.

—Planning the engagement —

It was four years down the track, Brooke and Vanessa leading up to their 5 year anniversary. Nina had noticed a change in Brooke’s behaviour, she seemed more stiff and anxious than usual. So she decided to ask why.

“Nina, I’m about to tell you a secret and I swear to gay god if you tell anyone I will ruin you” Brooke replied and Nina looked back with wide eyes and a nod. Brooke took a deep breath before continuing.

“I’m going to ask Vanessa to marry me on our anniversary” to which Nina squealed and threw her arms around her best friend. She had suspected this was coming, but hearing that Brooke was actually going to do it and had a planned date had her insides bubbling with glee.

“Brooke I’m so happy for you!! What are you going to say? Have you got a ring yet? Where are you going to do it?” All of the questions fell out of Nina’s mouth before she could stop them. Brooke just laughed heartily and brought out her phone to show Nina a picture of a beautiful diamond ring, which judging from the size and exquisite detailing cost an absolute shitload. It was stunning, yet very unique, and one look at it told Nina that it was so perfect for Vanessa.

“Do you think she’ll love it? I hope she does. I’m planning to take her to the studio where we first met, I’ve rented the place out for the night. We’ll have the cutest little candlelit picnic there ever was, all her favourite foods, some nice champagne…And then the plan is to get down on one knee and all that shit, but I can see myself chickening out. This isn’t some business deal that if the client says no then that’s fine, this is Vanessa. If she said no then I would be devastated” Brooke worried her lip and Nina placed a reassuring had on hers.

“Brooke, she will absolutely adore that ring, and she WILL say yes because she absolutely adores you. I’m not just saying that as your best friend, I’m saying that as someone who has been here through the entirety of your relationship, watched it grow and blossom into the beautiful thing that it is today. Just forewarning I am going to cry at all functions wedding related, as I sure you already predicted”

Brooke chuckled at that and pulled Nina into a hug.

“Thank you. We can get you some strong setting spray for the day if she says yes, can’t have my maid of honour looking a mess”

Nina returned the hug with glee and found herself not being able to wait for her favourite smitten idiots to finally take this step.

—The engagement—

The night had gone to plan so far. That dance studio had been booked, the picnic had been a success with seafood and cookies galore, the champagne had been expensive and flowing, just enough to give Brooke the courage to do the unimaginable for her 5 years ago. She and Vanessa were slow dancing together lost in each others eyes, when Brooklyn made the decision that she could do this, she was ready. She pulled away from Vanessa, the shorter girl looking at her with a confused expression. Before she could ask why, Brooke pulled the ringbox out from her pantsuit pocket, getting down on one knee.

The mixed look of shock and delight on Vanessa’s face was all the encouragement she needed to pop the most important question of her life.

“Vanessa, I love you with all my heart and these last five years have been the best of my life. I couldn’t imagine my future without you in it. Baby, will you marry me?”

Vanessa practically yelled “YES” before jumping into Brooke’s arms. The ballet dancer spun her around, before placing her back onto the ground. They were both teary eyed as Brooke eased the ring onto Vanessa’s finger, before bringing her hand up to her lips to kiss. All she knew in that moment was that her future was Vanessa, and she had never been so happy in her life.

[fideliuscharms-blog]

I was shocked

I was shocked and cut the conversation short because a) I felt like I didnt need to deal with such negative bullshit and b) I needed to get ready for my next show. But her words lingered in my mind all night. The moment that somebody questions my stance on feminism I get overwhelmingly upset, as it is a cause that I put my heart and soul into. It is in everything that I do and say and it is in how I perceive the world. Feminism has come to be in every essence of my being, and having somebody question my core beliefs was incredibly jarring.Female cam models get a lot more money than male cam models (duh). Unless of course you want to do shows for gay men, which she says a lot of straight male cam models find "strange," probably because those guys assumed they'd be models for women. Uh, nope. Women already have plenty of dick pics, thanks. The basic premise of the cam girl game is a simple one: You pay a girl for her time, and in exchange, she'll take off her clothes, talk to you, play with herself (and others), or any combination thereof. When your money is up, so's your time — the two of you part ways until you've got the cash and willingness to go at it again. And when that time comes, you'll have thousands upon thousands of girls ready to swivel and smile for you in real time. It's a massive catalogue of preening women of every variety: big, skeletal, black, white, Asian, American, Greek, Czech, etc. To find them, look no further than the Big Three of cam girl delight: Streamate, LiveJasmine and MyFreeCams. These three mega-networks advertise across the mainstream porn tube sites of masturbating ubiquity — PornHub, ClipHunter, etc — but are shells and shadows themselves. So how do you get in?Their loved ones definitely know this is what they're doing for a living. She says a few of her friends know about her job and are "kind and understanding and have a sense of humour [sic] about it. She hasn't told her parents because they're not very close, but they're liberal enough that if they found out, she doesn't think they would mind.

Absolutely! Oh my good god! There are so many documentaries that really shit on webcammers, and that really angers me because I don't really think it has anything to do with the webcamming itself. I feel it has to do with the individual, the person. A lot of people end up doing it for money, not necessarily because they enjoy it, and they're made to feel bad about it. I totally feel the opposite. I feel like webcamming is fully me and something I wanted to do; the money was a bonus. "You have 10 minutes of being cute and sexy, and then you better have something to talk about because otherwise the member will not stay," says Andra Chirnogeanu, Studio 20's PR manager. MyFreeCams, one of the most popular of the cam portals, has a domain registered to a Leo Radvinsky, and a legal contact in the Netherlands."I was alone in the room, and it felt like there were hundreds of people around me. And I couldn't keep up with what they were all saying, and what they were asking of me. It was quite shocking. But then I learned to be perceptive about which member was a potential paying customer and not to waste time with all of them in the free online space.

I have considered opening up my profile again a few times since, and very well might once I get over the ‘what will people​ think?’ ​paranoia, and memorise the retort I have planned regarding the government youth unemployment in Australia: With youth unemployment currently sitting around 13%, creating your own job using the resources you already have (in this case, internet connection, webcam, studio lighting and cute knickers) becomes a much more viable option than waiting for callbacks from the 20 resumes you sent out last week. That said, the idea of my future prospects of employability could be damaged if this was discovered, and I do wonder about the percentage of money the site makes versus the percentages the models make.I had the opportunity to watch her cam, and I realized that she has a persona when she’s camming—in the same way that a lot of media people do. It’s not like she’s drastically different, but there’s a version of herself that she shares with people while shes at work in the same way that an actress would go on a talk show and be the sweeter, funnier, more engaged version of herself. She puts on a show, and gives her best, sexiest performance, reading what the client wants, asking questions, and taking directions. All the while, she’s sort of straddling the line between sexual partner, therapist, and moral supporter. It’s a ton of emotional labor—like any type of sex work. I think we often forget that being a sex worker is essentially working in the service industry.An anonymous webcam model did a Reddit AMA where users asked her every question you've ever wished you could ask a webcam girl (and others you probably wouldn't think to ask ever). Here are the most surprising answers. So as I sat there, in front of my laptop, I thought to myself, Why didnt I just respond the way that I normally do when somebody proclaims something which I dont agree with? Why didnt I just say, firmly but reasonably, you are wrong and these are the reasons why… Perhaps it was because it was so personal, that I felt like for once, I wasnt defending femininity as a whole, but just myself. Which on the surface would seem like a less daunting task, but for me it left me stumped. I knew that I was a feminist and it wasnt often that I had to justify myself to anybody. I was used to breaking down all the reasons that men used to justify their behavior. CONTINUED BELOW...

[fandom-puff]

Do you have a smut alphabet for Thomas Shelby?

I don’t- but I do now! Enjoy 💕💕

Tommy Shelby Smut Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Tommy loves sitting up in bed with you snuggled up to his chest while he smokes and drinks whiskey.

You don’t mind- the way he wraps his arms around you makes you feel safe

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his mouth. It seems to be the only thing that can shut you up- kissing, licking... he has you writhing in moments

On you, he loves your arse. He just loves grabbing and kneading the flesh while you’re having sex, and often places a hand just on the swell of it in public, so everyone knows you’re Tommy’s girl

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He loves the sight of his come dripping down your thighs, mixed with your own wetness. Just the thought of it gets him going, and seeing it normally leads to him eating you out or getting ready to fuck you all over again

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves overstimulating you- the sight of you writhing and groaning and begging, torn between the immense pleasure and physical exhaustion. He’s very cocky when this happens...

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Ohooo Tommy Shelby is a THOT and we all know it. He’s decent in the sack, and is rather cocky about it too

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Have you SEEN the show? Tommy Shelby loves being ridden, holding you tight to his chests, running his strong hands up and down your flesh as you grind and bounce on his dick

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

No. Any laughs are saved until after, when you’re all snuggled up. He gets very into it.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He has dark straight hair down below, which is naturally short, so he doesn’t often need to trim it. He doesn’t really care about body hair

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Tommy can get very intimate. That’s why he loves being ridden- it allows him to be so physically close to you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Tommy has a very busy life. He would rather have you, any day, but he sometimes gives into his urges, in his office- you’ve caught him once trying to stuff his cock back into his trousers

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

C h o k i n g.

Spanking, Dom sub, orgasm control and denial, rough sex, semi-public sex, bondage, sensory deprivation... humiliation... CHRIST

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

His big posh office on his big posh chest. He loves the idea of being caught, keeping you quiet with his hand clamped over your mouth, and dirty talking about what a little whore you are, taking his cock with everyone else on the other side of the door...

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Not much work on your part is needed to get him going. He’s so tightly wound up with stress that simply sitting a little closer than normal gives him ideas about taking you on the kitchen table..

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Tommy doesn’t really have much he’ll say no to. He prefers to keep you away from snow, more for your safety than anything else. If you’re drunk, he won’t touch you, unless it’s to help you into your pyjamas and into bed to sleep- no matter how much you (clumsily) Beg and flirt with him.

“I’m not THAT drunk, Tommy,”

“I don’t care. You can have me tomorrow if you must,”

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Oh boy. Tommy Shelby is relentless when his face is buried between your thighs. He just loves to tease his tongue all over your hole and clit, pushing you right up to the edge before dragging you back. Other times he’ll suck your clit firmly, scrubbing his tongue against it, groaning, or probe his tongue in and out of you until you’re a wet, writhing mess, all while he’s sat there smirking up at you with your slick glistening on his chin...

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Tommy is rough if he’s in missionary or doggy, but if you ride him, it’s much slower, much more intimate. Either way, you end up a little sore in the morning

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Absolutely loves a quickie, especially in his office (as mentioned in ‘L’. His quickies are very rough, very intense, and leave you weak at the knees for a fair while afterwards, and you always have to excuse yourself to touch up your makeup and fix your hair...

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Yes. He’ll experiment with you, but he’s not afraid to tell you if he doesn’t like something or if he’d rather do something else, and encourages you to do the same thing. You have a colour system also, to make sure you both feel safe and comfortable, which is especially important when trying the more intense stuff

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go for two solid rounds, though he always needs a little longer to recover after a BJ. He has excellent stamina too, able to maintain a fast, brutal pace, or keep his control when he takes slow languid strokes...

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I don’t think they were widely commercially available (like in shops and stuff) during the time period, but ohoooo boy if they were... you would be tied up with a vibrator pressed to your clit, or tucked into your knickers a LOT

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Tommy loves to tease you. He finds it both adorable and sexy how easily you give into your urges, blushing, squirming, stuttering etc, while he’s still perfectly composed.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s rather quiet. His breathing, however, changes. It comes in heavy, shaking pants as he fucks you.

The noises he does make however, grunts anc groans and muddled strings of Romani, fall into your ear or into the air as he tips his head back. The noise he makes when he comes is sinful- a strangled cry- a mixture of your name, curse words, and moans

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Tommy gets very jealous. Very easily. He loves to make you scream and to mark you up, and make it so you can’t sit comfortably just to show you’re his. Seeing you wince as you sit down, hearing your voice crack after screaming the night before, watching you dab powder onto you neck or tug at your collar... it triggers something dark and primal in him...

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Right. Tommy Shelby has a big dick lets just get that over with.

No but seriously, you can very rarely take all of him in your mouth without gagging, and you swear he bumps your cervix when you fuck.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

High. He’s either angry, cocky or horny, those are his moods- often there’s a mixture. Horny and angry... expect a hard, rough shag. Horny anf cocky... expect to be edged all night long...

He also craves affection. The idea of getting enough time to enjoy slow, passionate sex has him raring to go

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As mentioned in A, he likes to smoke and relax with you snuggled up in his arms after you fuck. Sleep always comes a little easier when he’s all tangled up with you.

Tag list: @the-makingsofgreatness @peakyswritings @haphazardhufflepuff @diksy1112 @zodiyack @soleil-dor @hiddensapphic @fckingpeakyblinders @snugleo @alittlebirds @satanxklaus @glamsaturn @thegirlwithoutaname87 @queenofmankind @awkwardretro @captivatedbycillianmurphy @xshinytrashcanx

[saikostories]

GOT7 - I’ll Wait For You (JB)

You couldn’t pull your eyes away from the sight in front of you. You knew for weeks now that something was going on with your boyfriend of 6 months, but you never thought that he would actually cheat on you. As you stood behind the ice-cream stall in the shopping centre, watching him pawing all over another girl while giving her light pecks on the cheek, you felt anger bubble inside you. You wanted to go over there and beat his face in; hers too. But you knew that revenge was a dish that was always best served cold. You turned around and began walking in the direction of the exit as calmly as you possibly could, not wanting to draw attention to yourself. It wouldn’t do you any good if your boyfriend were to find out you had discovered his dirty little secret now, as you quickly pulled out your phone to text your friend JB to tell him that you were coming over. You met JB around 2 years ago and you both hit it off instantly. He had a girlfriend at the time, and when you got with your current boyfriend, his relationship fell apart and you were there to console his aching heart as his ex had also done the dirty on him and betrayed his trust. You were beyond sick of this as JB had warned you before that he thought something fishy was going on with your boyfriend. But did you listen? No. You wanted to see for yourself, and see for yourself was exactly what you did. Upon arriving at JB’s apartment, he had already unlocked the door for you to come in. You entered and took your shoes and jacket off, before smelling the glorious scent of freshly cooked bacon and eggs from the kitchen, but you were far beyond the point of feeling hungry. You couldn’t blame him for trying though. You walked straight into the kitchen, not even looking at JB before slumping down in the chair and putting your head into your crossed arms on the table. JB put the plate of bacon and eggs on the table before sitting down beside you, scrunching his lips to the side and sighing. “I take it you caught him in the act then?” “Mmhmm.” You replied softly into the wood of the table. You weren’t upset, you were absolutely livid. JB placed his hand on your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze to which you raised your head and softened your features. JB smiled at you and blinked softly – his way of saying that everything would be alright. “I need your help” you said bluntly. JB chuckled “I was afraid you’d say that” he said playfully. “How can I be of assistance Miss?” “I’m going to show (Y/B/N) how it feels to be me. I’m tired of people like him always treating people like us like shit. I’m so fucking done with it, I can’t even formulate a basic sentence trying to explain how angry I am. I’ll be honest JB, I want to hurt him just as he has hurt me. I don’t even care how childish that sounds.” your words dripped with venom as they fell from your mouth. JB studied your sullen expression knowing that you were upset but you just couldn’t express those emotions clearly. In the 2 years that he had come to know you, he knew you as one of the strongest, hot headed girls he had ever met; which is why he secretly loved you so much. He was careful never to show it though, as he knew you would cut him off straight away. He would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t jealous of your boyfriend. But now, he hated him more than anything for doing this to you. You both sat up all night, talking and talking about the best way to get back at your soon to be ex boyfriend. During this time, you had received several texts and calls from him asking you where you were, saying that he was worried about you and how much he loved you; to which you both burst out laughing at. He was desperate beyond belief and you couldn’t care less. The plan was simple. You would text your boyfriend, telling him to come over to your place after he finished work as you had something important to tell him. When he arrived home, he would find JB’s jacket and shoes at the entrance and a trail of both your clothes and JB’s leading to the bedroom, where he would then find JB in your bed. You would then come out and confront him, tell him that all of his belongings are in garbage bags in the kitchen and for him to get the fuck out before you smash his face in. The next day, you and JB both made your way to your apartment together, setting in place the plan to humiliate your cheating boyfriend. You placed JB’s shoes neatly on the floor beside the front door and hung his jacket up on the rack. You then grabbed your sexiest underwear – much to JB’s delight, and littered them with several other items of clothing along the floor leading to your bedroom. You then pulled out your phone. TO: (Y/B/N) Hey baby, sorry for going M.I.A on you last night. I had a lot on my mind. You should come over to my place after work tonight. I have something for you ^_^ You waited a mere 3 minutes before he replied. FROM: (Y/B/N) I was so worried >_< Are you okay? I miss you~ And sure. I get off at 8pm. Will be at yours 8:30pm. See you soon, love you. <3 You screwed your face up. “He loves me? Should have thought about that before he fucked everything up. What a dick.” You said as you threw your phone down on to the bed before face planting into the pillow. JB crawled on to the bed with you, propping himself up on his elbows before stroking your hair in an attempt to calm you – which seemed to be working as it slowly began to lull you to sleep. You both had around 2 hours to kill before the cheat came home. You began softly snoring to which JB smiled and lay down beside you, taking care not to also fall asleep himself. He turned you around gently so that your face was facing his. He carefully examined your peaceful expression as he began to wonder what would happen when all was said and done. Was this the right thing to do? Would it make things worse? How would you feel afterwards when you thank him and tell him he can go home? It was time. JB turned off the TV before gently nudging you awake. “It’s almost 8:30. He’ll be home soon. So, you want me to be….completely naked or?” he looked down at his torso, smiling coyly. You thought for a few seconds. “Just strip down to your boxers, should be enough” you said nonchalantly, making JB chuckle even more. He knew how cold you could be, but that you didn’t actually mean for it to sound as chilling as it was. Especially since you were a woman on a mission. He stood up, unbuckling his belt and passing it to you, before undoing the button on his jeans and letting them drop to the floor. He couldn’t help but notice your eyes flicker to the space between his legs, making him feel nervous but amused at the same time. Stepping out of his jeans and flicking them aside, he pulled his plain black shirt up his body and over his head; revealing his impressive, toned abs and strong pectorals. Upon seeing him, you felt your face go a little red as you moved your head to the side, but not before JB caught a glimpse of your obvious stare, making him grin even more. “So, you’ve been working out then?” you said, breaking the silence, causing him to burst out laughing. “Yeah, every now and again.” He replied bluntly, making you smile and turn to face him again. You couldn’t help but think a little semi-indecent thoughts about him. He was gorgeous after all, with a winning personality. But you couldn’t let it distract you, not yet anyway. “My turn then!” you said cheerfully, slipping off your black dressing gown leaving you in nothing but a pair of black, lacy knickers and bra. JB almost choked on his own saliva at the sight of your body. He knew you took care of yourself, but he had never before seen you like this. “Put your tongue back in your mouth” you teased, winking at him before looking out the window keeping an eye out. JB smiled at the lovely view that was your rear end, before getting into bed and slouching down, making himself comfortable. “Like this?” he said, drawing your attention. Your heart skipped several beats at the sight of him, half naked in your bed with the sheets laying around his waist. You swallowed quickly. “Yeah, like that.” You said, before walking over to the side of the bed and placing your hand on his cheek. “Thank you, for helping me with this. Really.” You said most sincerely, making JB laugh at your actions. “Don’t go and get all sentimental on me just yet (Y/N). We still have work to do” he teased. And as if right on cue, your front door began to unlock, making you both spring back into action. JB lay in the bed, while you stood behind the half open door, waiting for (Y/B/N) to enter. You and JB never took your eyes off each other, as you both listened carefully. The front door opened and you heard him step inside. “(Y/N), it’s me!” he called out while taking off his shoes. Silence. “…what the fuck…” he said quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. You put your hand over your mouth in an attempt to stop yourself from bursting out laughing. JB held his finger to his mouth, motioning you to be quiet, as you both heard your boyfriend walking faster towards the bedroom, stepping around the scattered clothes on the floor. JB then closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, as your clueless boyfriend entered the room. “WHAT THE FUCK?! JB? How could…what? Are you fucking naked man? Oh my god” he shouted, running his hands through his hair and stepping back at the sight of another man in your bed. JB pretended to look shocked as he called out to you. “(Y/N)! You said he wouldn’t be home until 9!” Your boyfriend turned around to see you standing by the door in your lingerie. His face fell to the ground as he put 2 and 2 together. “(Y/N)…how could you?” he said with tears in his eyes. You couldn’t believe the little performance he was putting on. “He should take up an acting career, son of a bitch” you thought. “How could I, (Y/B/N)? How could I?!” you laughed, making your boyfriends face turn from angry, to confused. You walked around him casually and stood in front of JB who was still on the bed. “Did you have fun yesterday in the mall? Did you do anything fun? Did you meet up with anyone interesting?” you said, your voiced laced with sarcasm as your boyfriends face began to fall and sweat started to form on his forehead. “I-I…I don’t know what you’re talking about…” he stuttered on his words. “Oh you don’t? Let me refresh your memory. I’ll be your side chick, and JB will be you, ok?” you said casually, as JB came up behind you, resting his weight on his knees before slinking his arms around your body while palming your bare stomach, littering wet kisses on your neckline and giving you small pecks on the cheek. You reached your arm back to hold his head closer to you; meanwhile your boyfriend looked like his whole life was falling apart as he just stood there and did nothing. You stepped forward, inching yourself closer to him as he took several steps back. Your eyes were burning into his with nothing but pure hate. “How dare you lie to my face, you fucking coward.” You seethed. “I’m sorry…I’m so stupid I’m sorry…please…”he began to beg with tears in his eyes, making you chuckle darkly. JB didn’t move an inch as he stood by in case he had to intervene. He was much bigger than your boyfriend, and could easily knock him out if he tried anything. “I’ve left all of your shit in bags in my kitchen. Take them, and never come back here. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t ever speak to me again, you hear? Go and be happy with your other girl. You both deserve each other. You’re a pathetic excuse for a man. You disgust me.” You sneered, your voice dropping several octaves lower giving both JB and your boyfriend shivers that ran down their spines. Growing impatient as he was still standing in front of you crying and begging you to forgive him, you shouted at the top of your lungs. “Why are you still here?! We’re done! Get out. NOW”. He jumped out of his skin before turning on his heel and running to the kitchen, grabbing his bags and stumbling towards the exit. You heard your front door slam as you closed your eyes, trying to control your heartbeat and breathing as your body temperature became hotter by the second. You then felt JB put his arms around you once again, pulling you down on to the bed in between his legs. For the first time since you met JB, you showed weakness. You began crying, not being able to hold in your tears a second longer. JB pulled you in tight to his chest, cradling his arms around your small frame as he rocked you back and forward, not saying a word. You both stayed like that for what seemed like hours, comfortably entangled in each other, skin against skin as you breathed in time with him. You listened to the drum of his steady heartbeat, making you feel calmer by the second. “I’m not leaving you, (Y/N)” JB said suddenly. You looked up at him, your face wet from your silent crying. He wiped your cheeks with the soft pad of his thumb, before replacing it with his lips, giving you light, chaste kisses. “I know you’ll need time to move on from him. But…I’ll be here. Waiting.” He said softly in your ear, making your heart beat faster as you realised that JB had always been there for you. You could just never see it because of your now ex boyfriend and everything else in between. You looked up at him, deep into his dark eyes. “Thank you, JB.” You said softly. “For helping? No need to thank me. I wanted the fucker gone just as much as you did.” He chuckled, to which you shook your head and kissed his neck. “No JB… …thank you; for waiting.”

[sirro85-blog]

Humans are Space Orcs:

Part 3

For my readers of Human, Frell or Ilun origin the clearest way I can describe Pelcar-3 is as a trading port, the entrance for many goods and travellers with different species and cultures interacting, for other races please see the appendices for appropriate analogy. It has all the hallmarks of a trading port, the ability to buy or source anything, those willing to sell anything for a price be it information, substances or themselves, prostitutes of a dozen species rubbed shoulders with scores of mercenaries , traders and pilots.

The other similarity Pelcar-3 shares with those ancient ports is the crime, both organised and random; so, when 3 dead Flet were found in an empty drinking establishment no real outcry was raised. When a Flet was found tied to a street bench the local security assumed the Flet, so often hired muscle were engaged in a possible criminal struggle for control. Several more Flet bodies were discovered over the course of several days but when 8 more Flet bodies were found at one time more interest was paid, these Flet were better equipped and certainly appeared healthier than the normal criminal underclass, these bodies had the hall marks of Flet military and while no insignia were found or acknowledgement was forthcoming from the Flet Imperium the risk that a Flet hit squad had been eradicated on Pelcar-3 was a concern.

Like the cities of Earth and Ilun wealthy individuals did not live in the port but cared about it's business, indeed two of Pelcar-3's moon's provided accommodation to some of the wealthiest denizines of the galaxy. Security was increased and all armed groups or individuals were searched and monitored on their arrival to the planet.

The residents of Pelcar-3 went on with their lives untroubled, including those of the human mercenary unit known as the Dark Horses, especially now they knew all armed individuals were being monitored on arrival. Life inside their armed and defended compound was broadly unchanged although after several years of getting to know humans I can tell you that under the surface things were not as they seemed.

A peculiar human affliction is the release of stress through physical exertion and particularly unique is the common requirements for that physical exertion to involve others. These could involve acts of love making although after I was informed I was not allowed to observe these acts and take notes no matter the frequency of the events I had to turn my attention to the second physical interactions, sports.

Team games happened frequently, "B-ball"; "Footy" and "Rugby" all occurred regularly however most frequent of all were the activity called "Sparring" this involved getting into a large square and attempting to beat your opponent into submission, there were various standards to these submissions and until the recent events with the "Kittys" -as the Flet were known as a derogatory- the standards were observed and no real harm or injuries were caused. However as the days stretched this changed. The first victim was Captain Dorman who received a broken arm at the hands of Captain Wolf.

Sergeant Panther broke Barbie's jaw in three places; Riflemen Buckets and Ocampo had to be pulled apart and when Knickers choked Captain Becca out something in itself I had not seen before her celebration while standing over the limp body of her friend was savage and animalistic.

It reached a head when Major Kovac sparred with Captain Wolf something that apparently happened very rarely, it was seen as an event by the humans, wagers were placed and almost all those not on duty turned up to witness it.

I have seen both the Major and the Captain face enemies and inflict precise focused injuries while keeping their own wellbeing to a premium. In this bout they appeared to forget this, both appeared to abandon form for all out assault, and both were soon bleeding and injured, Wolf appeared to have several cracked ribs and Kovac was limping badly, I feared they may kill each other before the end which infact came suddenly, Kovac and Wolf sprang apart for a moment and then as they closed Wolf tried to target Kovac's injured leg and was driven back, the larger man threw him to the floor appeared to dislocate the Captain's shoulder before ending the fight with a single punch.

Staff Sergeant Frank King stopped the bouts after that, the accelerated healing methods they had available to them may have meant the two officers were back on their feet in a few days but "Staff" wasn't willing to treat anymore self inflicted injuries.

The sudden loss of their distractions seemed to focus the humans again. The NCOs barked out orders and had their men drilling and practicing at all hours, the officers were regularly meeting late into the night and arguing.

"We've got friends across the damn galaxy, half the council owes you personal favours damnit! We aren't on our own here." Captain Becca said, tears standing out in her eyes.

"Those favours are turning a blind eye to our acquiring off market explosives or allowing me to fortify this building without needing to apply for planning permission. I'm not sure they'll start another war with the Imperium for me. There are favours we can call in but first we need information, which means calling in our first few favours, contact any low level council members you know and find out what the Galactic Council knows about the Flet politics. I'll contact the Ditiri, see what those criminals know." Kovac said calmly.

I saw a certain level of obsession from the soldiers surrounding me over the following few days, men repeatedly checking and rechecking their weapons, rifles being cleaned; magazines rebombed; and blades sharpened. Kit was packed and checked and repacked and personal items were pulled from pockets or from round the neck, kissed or checked and replaced and all the while the Sergeants and the other NCOs prowled the lines, experienced eyes scanning for any mistakes. Sergeant "Fluke" Glover put his whole troop on basics because two foot lockers were found unlocked. Sergeant Panther had her's running laps and doing press ups at two in the morning.

By the time a second meeting was called the Dark Horses accommodation was a highly strung military fortress and for good reason, on three separate occasions armed Flet were caught within rifle range of the buildings, their bodies dumped in the warehouse districts across Pelcar-3.

"They're still getting through to us, we're not safe here." Dorman insisted, "when they workout Hemmings and Richards are in their eyries they won't be so obvious about scoping us out."

"In the meantime I have information," Captain Gillespie interrupted, "from what we've been told, the target on your back is politically motivated. The Royal family of the Flet Imperium are not the absolute rulers they would like to be, the heir that you killed on some battlefield was by all accounts very popular and by first whipping up anger and sympathy for her death and then setting you as the target they hope to show that they are the political entity that can give the people what they want."

"Easy if they're the ones telling the people what it is they want in the first place," scoffed Becca, "same as our lot used to do with immigrants and foreigners and all that crap..."

"Alright Bex, not right now." Kovac interrupted, "so it's just one faction, does that mean we have allies Gilly?"

"Hardly, they won't want to be seen assisting the enemy," Gillespie said with a sigh.

"However, take away the head of that faction, or get them to back down in some way..." Captain Wolf began.

"The people I spoke to said that could work, the Flet are always looking for outward enemies to stop infighting and backstabbing, take out the leader of the faction and the whole party will fall apart trying to claim the top spot." Gillespie finished.

"We'll need more information, Becca you and Dorman need to work your contacts, get us names and details, we need a target, probably 3 or 4." Wolf started hurriedly.

"Head of a faction!" "Targets!?" Becca stared around her, "are you forgetting this is the head of the royal family of the Flet Imperium, this isn't going to be possible."

"Bec, it'll be alright, the Major will come up with a plan, remember what they used to say in the 88th?"

"Slick drills, quick kills, fight hard and if all else fails put your faith in Kovac," Becca said with a faint smile.

"To be fair they said that mostly about me getting my hands on embargoed liquors," Kovac said awkwardly.

The meeting went on with minor details being hammered out, I drifted away to observe the base, cursed by my form of existence I found myself helpless when it started.

Sinsi was the commander of the Hyte of the Flet Imperium, she watched as her 5 Hyte silently scaled the walls of the human compound, until this moment, forced to use the dull soldiers from the allied military factions the royal family had not achieved success in killing the target, now though with the Hyte the Galaxy's finest assassins finally being employed the task would be complete.

The snipers high above the compound had been identified and steps had been taken to avoid detection from their omni-goggles, the human sentries were good but Sinsi's pride were better, even with the whole of the Imperium to choose from finding recruits was nigh impossible in a whole generation maybe a dozen would start training, that 6 had survived to form this pride was considered a blessing indeed.

They closed with the first sentry identified as unavoidable, a flash of claws and the body was quickly hidden, humans would not smell the blood as acutely as Flet. They closed with a second soldier, as Keerdop's claws raked down the soldier darted aside, raised her rifle, Keerdop realised she must silence the weapon, that instinct cost her life, as Keerdop clawed at the hands holding the rifle, and tried to silence the soldier, the bayonet mounted on the rifle drove into Keerdop's throat. At the same moment claws tore into the soldier's flanks, "Tell 'em Knickers sent you," growled the human.

Appalled that one of her sisters had fallen Sinsi was forced to calm herself as her rage told her to maul the human's body, she stopped, the human and the Flet were dead, secure the mission, she gestured for the two bodies to be hidden. "Humans are quicker than you think they are", the lesson taught first and first forgotten. Now they were close, the room they wanted was close, 5 Hyte closed on the room, no mistakes this time, the door opened silently and with night vision a human could only hope for Sinsi saw him, asleep in bed beside a female of his species. She advanced on preternaturally silent paws till she was standing over the humans, a Hyte sister at her side.

Two clawed arms flashed, the female human reacted, to what, Sinsi could not tell but the human moved suddenly pushing the male off the bed she stood up on the soft bedding, Sinsi took a moment to marvel that such small, few limbed creatures could be considered a danger, no natural protection and this one had fur only on her head the rest was covered in nothing but the tender pink skin. Sinsi flicked a wing out to disembowel the naked female, to her astonishment the human stopped the blow and then flexing her body rose in the air to plant both her feet into Sinsi's chest.

Sinsi crashed backwards, stunned at the power in these small forms, her sister had fared no better, Kovac the target had picked her up and thrown her much larger frame at those in the doorway. Realising the chance to employ claws had slipped by Sinsi drew her power lance and fired a bolt at Kovac who, like a coward dived for cover behind his bed before rolling into the adjacent room.

Sinsi advanced with Loirwa and Truvay all with power lances drawn, the finest shots in the Imperium would hit their target once he dared to show his face. However Loirwa was waylayed by the naked human female who had rolled off the bed and now charged hammering her lowered shoulder into the Flet's abdomen. They both crashed into the nearby wall and as the winded Flet bent double the human's skull collided with the Flet's descending chin, their was a sickening crack as Loirwa's head snapped backwards impacting the wall and the human planted her knee repeatedly into the Flet's groin. "Humans do not fight like us with tooth and claw, to them all of their bodies are a weapon", another early lesson and so easily disregarded. Distracted that another Hyte sister had been bested by the diminutive humans Sinsi only had time to call out a warning to her sisters as the target appeared round the door frame and opened fire with one of the human "pistols". Truvay recoiled as her power lance shattered as the human bullet struck it.

Sinsi realised the sisters at the door were under attack. She gestured at Truvay to kill the human female who had finished stamping on Loirwa's windpipe. She opened fire on the Major who had to dive clear of the bolts as they shattered the wall he stood behind, Sinsi gave Truvay a quick glance, the human female had found a weapon but it was not one known to Sinsi as part of the human arsenal, approximately 300mm long it was pink and appeared to be buzzing due to some vibration, made of a soft rubber-like material it bore a striking resemblance to a part of the anatomy of the naked human male. Whatever it was the human female was using it to provide extra reach, dodging blows from the Hyte and repeatedly stabbing the Flet in the vulnerable areas inside her limb joints.

Sinsi sprayed another hail of bolts into the next room and turned to see the Human diving out of reach and throwing the long pink shaft at Truvay, as the human rolled to her feet Truvay landed a blow that threw her across the room and into the wall, the human struck the wall a metre from the ground and fell heavily, "Kovac," she whimpered.

The target gave his position away by opening fire the bullets were wayward however and did not trouble Sinsi as she turned her lance and fired multiple bolts, the human had to throw himself flat to avoid them and this put him almost at Sinsi's feet. Truvay's collapse made her pause and she realised why the bullets had been wayward, that was when she saw the sisters holding the door had both fallen and then she remembered the lesson her old master had been so keen to teach her, "Kings and generals may fear our blades but the assassin should fear the cold efficiency of the professional soldier." She understood it as Kovac pulled the trigger.

As a species made mostly of gas and energy it is hard at times to watch the tactile galaxy interact, but never in my existence of Millenia have I tried so hard to intervene as when I watched the Flet's Hyte assassins try to murder Kovac.

Major Kovac staggered naked into the hallway, stepping over the dead Kitty assassins, "They had to take out some sentries to get this far. Find them, are the sentries OK!? Dana! Becca's hurt, go see to her, Wolf give me that bloody blanket I'm naked."

In minutes the bodies of the sentries were found, it was to my great joy that Knickers was found to be alive, terribly injured and weak but alive.

Humans do not appear as impressive as some other xenotypes in this galaxy but what is never taken into account is that for all their day to day weakness they can produce immense strength when excited, they may lack the speed of some races but they can combine what physical speed they have with prodigious speed of thought and action and most of all humans do not fight like those born with natural weapons, without claws humans turned their whole body into weapons.