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#basically i just want to die and there's no good reason not to
oristian · 3 days
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So how come we can tell that Elain wants azriel and is attracted to azriel but Eluciens claim they need Elain's POV to confirm she doesn't want Lucien??
Idk it's almost like thoughts and acts and verbal things she has said matter?? It's almost like... we don't need everyone and their mother's POV to tell very basic information??
Y'all acting like she is a complete black box just because we don't have her POV yet 😭😭
What if I said "oh we need Lucien's POV to tell he actual feels a bond and didn't orchestrate a fake mating bond to claim an Archeron sister after she got made?"
"But he wouldn't do that"
How am I supposed to know he wouldn't!! We don't have his POV either 🤪 he could be Koschei for all we know 🤷🏻‍♀️
And nobody better fucking bring up Feyre hating Rhys or Nesta kicking Cassian in the balls. Their words differed from their actions. They might've SAID they hated their love interests at the time, but their ACTIONS differed. Anyone who genuinely thought Feyre hated Rhys or Nesta hated Cassian is literally just lying atp because come on what do you mean you didn't pick up on that?? Nesta was willing to die for Cassian and Feyre was literally thinking Rhys was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Be so fr.
Elain's actions match her words. We don't need her POV to know that.
Good morning! This might be a long response, so hope you enjoy!
Elain Archeron is a book character. Books follow standards enacted by the stricture of narratives, and how stories are told overall—in short, the reader is being told something through a book. A story is told through settings, dialogue, characters, et cetera. While the reader may be able to create their own theories, pick up on literary devices, and generate predispositions, until the reader is fully informed by the intent of the author on page, it is speculation.
When people claim that we need Elain’s POV to understand how she is feeling towards Lucien, that is very much true. There is a plethora of reasons as to why she shifted her composure around him between ACOWAR and ACOSF. From asking if he is alright and inviting him to Velaris, to shrinking around him? Until we are in her inner monologue and seeing what she is seeing, the reader can only speculate. Is she now very horny for him, is the mating bond chafing when he’s around, did she have a vision of their future, is she wildly attracted to him, et cetera? The same way that people claim she is in love with Azriel is the same way we claim we need her POV—neither is true until Elain confirms it herself with her own thoughts, feelings, and words.
Now, I want to bring up “thoughts, actions and verbal things,” because, more often than not, it is misconstrued. The only instance where the reader might be swayed to believe that Elain feels anything for Azriel is the almost kiss in the bonus chapter. However, we only had Azriel’s POV. Compared to Wings and Embers bonus chapter with Nessian, the reader was lacking the female’s POV. With Nesta and Cassian, we read that both were feeling the pull towards each other in that chapter. In ACOSF, we were limited to just Azriel—why is that? As for the other lines of dialogue that are seemingly connected to Elriel, those are regarding Graysen. “I don’t want a male,” would also be applied to Azriel, no? “And that love would trump even a mating bond,” is about Graysen.
I have been asked before how I can confidently ship Elucien when Elain seemingly lost her “newfound boldness,” and, “shrunk in on herself,” when Lucien came during Solstice. While I do understand how some people can read that as a negative for the ship, I once again have to say that we do not know why either of those actions happened. There has been zero indication that Lucien is forcing himself on her, is bad for her, and/or is disrespecting her wishes, so why has Elain suddenly started acting like this? This is why we claim that we need her POV for all of these unanswered questions.
Essentially, Elain is a blank sheet of paper. Could she stay this newfound meek personality and live all her days in a small cottage with a garden, or will she revert back into her old personality and become the socialite that she once was? While the reader can understand some of her character, she is still more shifted towards the background and is lacking the substance that a fleshed out POV and aligned character development would offer to her. This is one of the reasons why so many people seemingly dislike her character, because she has not been able to explain her actions. This was similar to Nesta.
The example you brought up with Lucien and the bond needing clarification actually was solved very quickly in ACOMAF. When Feyre unleashed Helion’s spellcleaving magic and broke the bonds in Hybern, she would have broken any fake mating bond tied to Elain and Lucien. Feyre has also been inside of Lucien’s head while he was experiencing the tug of mating instincts. Elain has felt the tug of the bond and Lucien was able to experience her from the inside due to the bond. They both have experienced mating behavior towards each other. The reader has had a snippet of Lucien’s POV.
Feyre, Nesta and Elain are all similar in how they were reluctant to accept the bond at first—the only difference is that Elain is fully aware of the bond before she accepts it. Feyre and Nesta were stuffed into forced close proximity with both of their mates, which also differs from Elain, and her sisters also had access to their mates before they turned fae. Elain met Lucien the night she turned fae and had very little alone time with him. Feyre and Nesta both experienced firsthand the chaffing of the bond while being so close to their mates for so long, but Elain has not. Elain was in love and engaged to Graysen and was now suddenly tossed a fae male as her mate, while simultaneously losing her humanity? It is only reasonable that she would not be jumping for joy over this new revelation.
SJM is an author that uses similar patterns across her entire body of work. To say that we cannot compare how she wrote Feysand and Nessian to Elucien in the same series makes no sense to me. Now, I do believe that you have contradicted yourself in your paragraph regarding Feyre and Nesta. I agree, while they may have claimed that they wanted nothing to do with their mates, their actions showed the reader otherwise. Elain is similar with Lucien, however, she has not once said that she hated him, wanted him gone, wanted to reject the bond, et cetera. Anything she has said against wanting a fae male was because she wanted Graysen and to return to her mortal life. Her actions towards Lucien have included worriment for his safety, relief that he is alright, inviting him to Velaris, keeping all of his Solstice gifts, the half step, et cetera. Someone who planned on rejecting the bond with their mate would not have done any of the above.
If the reader does not need Elain’s POV, why would she need an entire book? If her thoughts, feelings, and actions are fully explained from another’s POV, why would she need to explain herself in her own inner monologue? She already has hobbies, friends, a lover, a home, joy, purpose, and family—what would be the point of her having a book?
I so hope I managed to answer your question. Have a good day!
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literally what is even the point of trying
#personal#vent#i'm trying so hard to be positive but it's completely unsustainable#basically everything that is supposed to *make life worth living* is inaccessible to me because I don't make enough money#(despite making damn near the average uk salary lmao)#i will never own a property (or at least nothing WORTH owning i.e. not a suicide-inducing mold hole)#i will never be able to keep up with my more normal and successful friends#and i don't mean in a keeping up with the joneses way#i mean if a friend asks me to go on vacation i cannot afford to go#fuck it's lucky if i can afford to go out for dinner once or twice a month#the economy is getting more and more fucked by the day#but my brain doesn't work properly so i can't keep up the career climb because working actively makes me want to die#but also having nothing to do also actively makes me want to die#basically i just want to die and there's no good reason not to#and my brain cannot be unfucked because it just works that way#and treatment of any kind is inaccessible until i'm ~officially~ diagnosed#which could take a year or more to get an appointment#and in the meantime i'm supposed to just... lmao idefk just die i guess#i am so so so terrified of the future i want to die just to escape it breathing down my neck#i'm at the age where my loved ones are building their own lives with their partners and having kids and beginning to draw away from friends#into their own family units#and i do not see how i will ever have a family unit#so either i'll be genuinely alone by the time i'm forty#or (worse) i'll be the pity friend who gets invited as the awkward plus one to gatherings#literally look me in the eye and tell me my future is worth staying for#i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i want to fucking die i want to quit i want to quit#fuck it we ball
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hoziersredguitar · 5 months
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I miss old tumblr in the sense that i could complain about board exams and worrying about not getting enough to be eligible for my medical entrance test and i'd have summoned half the indian side of tumblr to sympathize
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lord-squiggletits · 6 months
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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.
But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).
And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like
Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?
I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.
Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.
And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly#not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries#will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death#surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs#contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position#everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying#esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death#the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally#on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life#and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms#so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did#he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim#also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse#it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help#isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse#and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out#idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement#or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement#anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause#rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do#and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death
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fragmentofmemories · 2 months
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while i was drawing characters for [REDACTED] i was thinking "hey i should probably draw a maid with short, purple hair and have her be the innkeeper."
then i remembered eou did that and i've never sulked so hard before...
#(don't look at the tags the post ends here trust me)#no like. actually. i don't like rosa. i don't want a theriaca b and a medica II i am literally lv99r99 and with thirty soma primes on stock#did i mention the mansion in eou is terrible plotwise and yet another way to make the story mode party look ''special''.#and before you mention classic mode. its inclusion in it was really bad there too.#and ruined what could've been one of the very few good rewrites in eou (the B1F FOE).#just cut the ''rich kid'' part. because no way in hell would the radha. a government characterized by its secretiveness and cold approach--#--ask a starting guild to deal with an internal problem which a) has little to do with the labyrinth itself so they *can* deal with it--#and b) doesn't actually impact etria's economy as much as the writing lets on because the town is already thriving at the start of the game#had the mansion and plotline not been a thing and hell. had the FOE been a surprise encounter like the many found in eo1. it would've been-#--an incredible subversion to veterans. as well as a great way to convey how dangerous the yggdrasil labyrinth actually is to newcomers.#because again. owning a mansion for free *and* at the start highlights the player party as more important and special than it actually is.#because if anything eo1 is meant to show you through its storylines that no adventurer is more important than the other.#and everyone's replaceable to the radha including your guild. which is why they have no problem throwing you in progressively more--#--dangerous missions they expect you to die in. it's why it's explicitly told that you're not the only guild partaking in said missions.#not to mention that. again. whatever respect you do get is only by the end of the game when you've more than proven yourself as capable.#unlike later titles which already shower you with praises and the town officials love you the second you finish the tutorial mission.#something something eo1's plot is actually a criticism of the drpg genre and the romanticizing of adventures.#eou not only failing to understand that but actively going the opposite way is just one of the many reasons i think it's a terrible remake.#...this started out as a joke post about character designs.#why is her name rosa anyway that's spanish for pink and she's purple.#actually why are so many of the story mode character names so basic the only unique one is raquna and--#i am literally nitpicking at this point. lol#i really should just make a longpost next time...#eo
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tentacle-therapissed · 6 months
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SvS is great because Janus's argument is simultaneously so well crafted and also so deceptive and manipulative. Look at him go. He really fits the lawyer role to a tee
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This whole train derailment thing in East Palestine, Ohio is so horrific.
And those toxic chemicals got into the Ohio River!
And I heard people saying that there was danger that it could possibly get into another body of water?
Apparently, this is going to affect 10% of the country's water supply, as things are? (According to one comment I saw, anyway.)
The place really has become the next Chernobyl, and everything has been handled so badly! (I feel if this had happened in a bigger state, that wouldn't have happened. And I strongly feel they should have evacuated everyone on day one.)
And no one's talking about it! In fact, at first they were covering it up and tried to arrest at least one reporter on the job of reporting the truth (finally more people are starting to discuss all of this, but still not as many as you would think. Especially with the massive ramifications this could have for so many!)
And why hasn't the president or any of the big wigs talked about this or done anything about it? Why didn't people in hazmat suits knock on the people in East Palestine's doors to tell them to evacuate when they finally did give them that order, instead of acting so blasé? You know if it was a place that people actually cared about, people would do so much more. I'm disgusted with my country.
#and it sounds like the whole thing might have happened because the railroad workers had gone on strike because they wanted safer worker#conditions and sick days. something that the president denied them. which in turn led to this tragedy#and also because. like. the railroad lines/tech is really ancient stuff that hasn't been updated since the civil war?#basically. as always. greed won out over safety measures and now we have this to thank for it#i guess people are also worried that acid rain could come from this. from that massive black cloud that's still over east palestine ohio#you know what? i wasn't going to admit this for many reasons. and maybe i still shouldn't. i might come back and delete this tag#but i'm from ohio. not from this city. but guess who still has to worry about all of this now affecting her (like the water not being safe)#and is furious about it and how everything's been handled? this girl#at this point there's a good chance i may die from cancer somewhere down the line from the water i've already ingested (that was#contaminated) since the derailment happened. before they were upfront about just how bad all of this was#and now i'm even MORE mad. in some ways. upon rewatching this one video i had before and realizing i'd gotten some of the context of it#wrong before. like apparently they've let some people come BACK to live in the town if they have nowhere else to go. being like 'carry on.#there's nothing to see here!' when that is NOT okay. when the town is still SO VERY TOXIC and hazardous to their health. and. tbh. the#government should probably be flipping the bill for them to be staying elsewhere for their safety at the moment
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arolesbianism · 5 months
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Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner
#rat rambles#oc posting#warriors posting#spiraling upwards#long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds#I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated#and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them#oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much#and for good reason get his ass#alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones#aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit#so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another#honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that#most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will#and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan#but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot#she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic#but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated#some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them#instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding#it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming#out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits#that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion#she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit#so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards#now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while#for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place#she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy#but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up#and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly
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strwbrymlkshake · 6 months
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I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?
#mine#normally i've been good about not being too upset over things#but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me#i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence#will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me#oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered#by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash#and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right?#you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude#i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have#and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all.#i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid#i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck#WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE?#i guess im crying because they are all so stupid#so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes.#friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend#even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to#then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem#explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just#uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about#okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️
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dutybcrne · 10 months
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It’s always so fun to explore genderbends for how the story gets affected
#//Yes; this is abt me mulling over Fem!Kaveh again jdnfnf#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Like#//Make hkvh both gals and ofc; it’s basically the same. but Yuri#//Which for me personally? I find it Good Shit. Always love a good wlw; ESP with their dynamic#//Plus it’d make the whole of the archon quest so much funnier/better for me for various reason djbfb#//Then the mixed ones is so good too!#//Fem!Haitham & Kaveh? Girlboss and sad wet cat man#//Fem!Kaveh and Haitham? Girlfailure and Unbothered King#//In both of those cases; Kaveh having an Extra incentive to keep their cohabitation a secret#//In the first; bc he won’t want anyone talking bad abt Haitham bc he’s living with her#//Won’t allow it; Refuses to increase the chance for any rumors to bother her. Would FIGHT if anybody talks smack#//Even if she prolly doesn’t Care abt any rumors anyways. he’s Deffo head over heels partly bc of that side of her#//And bc she’s just so Cool. Strong stoic lady; badass in all she does. always has been; always will be. how can he NOT admire her?#//Deffo buys her unprompted gifts in gratitude & they bicker over his mora use lol. he deffo complains less over the housework#//Instead; takes over more of it so she can focus on her duties and have more free time for herself; out of personal feelings#//with Fem!Kav? Kav is worried abt her AND his rep. She’s already in debt and in a mess as Is#//But roping Haitham into the mess of the rumors and what could result from them? She worries how he’d react#//Either favorably or not. Bc that is a Lot to deal with either way#//Doesn’t know if it’s be worse for him to kick her out over them. bc she’d DIE if he tried ‘taking responsibility’ otherwise hfbfb#//Esp since he takes care of a Lot for her as IS. It’s embarrassing depending on him so much; feels it’d only make him resent her in the en#//It embarrasing in every version; tbh; but Fem!Kav would find it more frustrating in particular#//Esp depending on her needs and how the clients treat her. Op; that’s going into a Serious topic#//Ahhh; but that’s PART of the charm of the gender ends and stuff!#//Prolly not for a little post like this tho nfnf. Better save THAT for a verse write up#//Which there WILL be; mark my words; bc Fem!Kaveh has a GRIP on me#//Her and other lil bends my brain has been toying with hdbdbdb
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designernishiki · 1 year
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oh baby I knew it from the fuckin moment the addc was introduced that there’s just no damn way they DIDNT have some legally sketchy shit going on with the alzheimers/dementia patients and unethical clinical trials. I feel so vindicated right now
#im on chapter 9 of judgement#I know my SHIT when it comes to human experimentation and medical ethics#and criminal investigation in general frankly that’s a big reason I was so excited to play this game (I’ve taken college classes in this)#but yeah the moment the addc is introduced and we see the layout of the place and details like the gigantic dementia patient ward right next#to the research facility and such I was like mm….. that can’t be good#I was rambling to my friend during that like. yeah they could probably get away with doing basically whatever they want with these patients#because of all the conditions to research alzheimer’s and dementia make for some of the easiest to strip subjects of their autonomy#making informed consent and whatnot most likely not an issue and complaints about malpractice or what have you extremely easy to stifle#ie; if you are a patient there you are probably just straight up trapped. no one’s gonna listen to you you have no autonomy and-#the sad but true fact about the situation is that people don’t have the time/resources/capacity to be caretakers for their alzheimers/#dementia-ridden loved ones so a place like this- a leading research/medical facility said to be on its way to finding a cure and changing#the world- would seem like the perfect place to send a loved one in need of full time care and trust that they will do nothing but good#so it’s a great setup to get patients who are likely to die as it is- who have no autonomy- who have no credibility- and have nowhere to go.#I couldn’t help but think about that like. immediately after seeing the ward#so. here we are. let’s see where this goes#judgement#judgment spoilers#rambling#I have a weird special interest sorta thing in medical ethics / human experimentation and I have a character who literally teaches a#class on the topic (and is a surgeon) so. that’s why I’m like. especially intrigued right now
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thecoolertails · 1 year
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i hope andrew hussie gets shot in the head i am so serious
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vaugarde · 1 year
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last magireco bitching post for tonight i promise but i think all those people who complain that sayaka and homura are abusive and horrible and unreasonable for the crime of being manipulated and traumatized 14 year olds in awful situations and arent perfect little victims about it should go watch magireco and have their brains implode bc i think yachiyo is like. so much worse
#like yachiyo is actually an adult first of all they say shes in college and has been working for seven years#and i wont deny shes been through shit. shes felt guilty for her wish and watched her friends die#shes still a sympathetic character where u get why shes cold. but GOD the way she treats mifuyu makes me uncomfortable#like she regrets the worst of it when her doppel shows up but the narrative and mifuyu still go#''oh no yachiyo you ARE right to say that tee hee''#yachiyo gives me the vibe of someone who's like ''well IM suffering because of my choices. so should YOU''#also how she gets pissed at mifuyu for getting taken into a cult when shes at her lowest#and again keeps calling her weak like. good lord leave her alone#like. at least sayaka has a clear reason for acting the way she does and we see that in the show#shes guilty and traumatized from mami's death and is selfless to a fault#she blames homura for mami's death because of her own prejudices that have been instilled in her by then#she basically self sabotages and hurts herself because she thinks shes worthless compared to mami#she lost her childhood friend who. tbh really WASNT treating her well like obv he doesnt owe her a romance#but hes her childhood friend and he basically constantly brushes her off in the show#and we see more of that in rebellion where he does the same to hitomi#like. sayaka fucks up she gets cruel but you GET why she does it and it feels earned and good for the plot#yachiyo though. part of this is just character bloat and the weird pacing but her nastiness doesnt feel earned#yes season 2 shows that she wants to distance herself from others because her friends died. thats fair#that explains why she was cold in season 1. sure. thats fine that works as an arc and i usually love arcs like this#but then she's cruel to the lower grunts who were absolutely manipulated into the magias#and constantly implies theyre weak#and berates mifuyu (her best friend apparently) for breaking down after learning the truth#because ''oh well we DID accept this. we were idiots after all. lmao get over it and fight again''#and mifuyu is evil incarnate that must repent forever for. getting dragged into a cult at her lowest moment#after her friend was a dick to her fresh off her trauma. and of course leaving her which gave her Abandonment Issues#god sorry maybe the rest of the show will save it for me maybe itll call out this behavior from her#also it bugs me how even her cold behavior isnt really mentioned and shes just fawned over by the rest of the cast#like. sayaka and homura's behavior was called out as unhealthy and bad for them and the others!#echoed voice
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faaun · 2 years
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update on gf situation btw . for those who r curious or sent asks etc
#v soon after i asked for advice i talked to her and asked her why she doesnt draw anymore n abt other stuff etc etc#she basically said she doesnt feel at all content rn but she will start again once she feels better . which is so understandable#and im also glad to hear she still does love what she loved etc...just several factors in her life are making her . discontent atm#one of them (i think a big one maybe) is me being gone for like a month . we stayed w each other a lot b4 this#so the wait has been Agonising for both of us and i just didnt realise how much she missed me . which is like . idk . shes so sweet i love#her so much and while im sad my absence is contributing to her current situation im like. woah...there is someone who misses me so much.wow#i also need to like tripple clarify bc my post asking for advice was vague and i feel like it was misinterpreted a lot :#my gf is not confused abt what she wants to do + i am not using romantic relationships as a career progression device + i do in fact have#friends and a life outside academia and am aware that i too could just as easily become disconent w my work#life etc or even lose all my passion for whatever reason + i do not in fact . only love my gf for her art. i love her for everything she is#which includes smn who is very passionate abt art which is why i was concerned etc etc . anyway#we talked abt it and i now understand things more and also will hold her through it until she feels more content again#and then ill keep holding her through everything good and bad for as long as i can :) i love her sosososososo much#and also i miss her so much and if i dont see her soon ill Perish and Die . anyway
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seilon · 1 month
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spent all day writing a paper yesterday so I definitely deserve to do nothing today but laying in bed all day still makes me want to kill myself
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mzyraj · 1 month
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Early morning thoughts, still ruminating on that video from the other day, but shout out to that time I possibly got psychosis during the Duke of Edinburgh award camping thing and was terrified and convinced I was gonna die in that field if I stayed, so I bailed and my best friend of the time broke up with me for being 'selfish' because I left
#mental health#psychosis#tbf although I thought I was hallucinating at the time I'm not convinced I was. but delusions were clearly there#like I thought the clouds were doing something impossible but having been to a similar area much later. the clouds do just do that sometimes#but I still thought it was A Sign and I was gonna die out there so like. what's the difference#sorry ex friend if you thought at 14/15 years old you were gonna get me through that. most likely you just thought I was faking. nope.#but this is why I am very 👀 and sympathetic around mental health stuff#it's never happened (or not so badly) since. probably was triggered by the physical exertion and period and lack of sleep. but still#maybe just as well I'm not gonna go through pregnancy. who knows how bad it might be via those physical and emotional stressors#my mum's cousin who was incredibly smart and sensitive developed schizophrenia and spent most of his life in mental health facilities#do not want. but so long as I look after myself reasonably I'm good.#on that day I was still scared in the car and back home but being with my dad and then inside helped. the Danger felt Outside#a nice bath and good sleep in bed and I think I was basically fine the next day. but then drama with friend#tbf to her. it would not have been easy to be friends with me anyway because I had bad depression and wanted to die generally at that point#if she'd said 'I cannot handle being friends with you' that would have been fair#still would have sucked but it would have been fair. calling me incredibly selfish for what was actually mental health problems. not so much#I'm rambling in the tags#but just feeling the potential vulnerability in my mental health rn
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