#bc I’m tired and burnt out from everything

[raplinesmoon]

i think the thing that no one tells you about being forced into being a high achieving child/teen is how much it comes to fuck you over later in life when you can’t do anything without holding yourself to an insane level of perfectionism and then you realize it’s basically leeched all the fun out of any hobbies you created for yourself and left you with a shell of a personality

[initialchains]

10 things i hate about you | anthony lockwood.

pairing: anthony lockwood x fem!reader

summary: george karim falls in love with your sister, and the only thing standing between him and the love of his life is the fact that she isn’t allowed to date unless you do, too. luckily for him, anthony lockwood would do anything for a bit of publicity.

wc: 5.8k (part one)

a/n: hii i felt so bad for leaving you all hanging, but finals week left me extremely burnt out and tired. luckily, the lockwood brainrot is neverending, so as a way of saying sorry here’s the first part of this silly ol’ fic. (including the first five things to hate about lockwood.)  i’m also super sorry for the next part because it will be 90% angst lol ++ this is inspired by the movie but not completely based on it bc it’s my all time favorite film and i was scared of not doing it justice.

Lucy swore she was going to quit the agency again if George didn’t stop pacing around the kitchen like an idiot. She kept thinking of things to say to get him to stop, but a part of her also wanted to see how long this pathetic situation in front of her would take, she knew it wouldn’t be long until their researcher got tired of walking back and forth. And that’s where she is now. Sitting in the kitchen, an empty mug staring back at her, while George kept pacing in front of her and Lockwood.

“Hey, George! I have an idea. Why don’t you sit down and tell us what’s going on like a normal person, instead of just muttering I’m so fucked over and over?” 

George finally stopped and looked up at her. He stood still for a few seconds before taking a seat next to Lockwood.

“Well, I’m fucked.”

“Yeah, I think we heard that part.”

“Luce, stop,” Lockwood said in the softest voice he could muster, before turning to George. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe we can help.”

George took a deep breath before starting. “So, you know how I’ve been telling you both and Holly about that one girl from the archives?”

Lockwood smiled at that. The thought of George crushing on a girl after bonding with her about their love for research is still one of the cutest things he has ever heard.

“Oh, right. How are things going with her? Is everything alright?” 

“Well, sort of. I mean, everything is alright, but just when I thought of finally making a move on her, she kind of, um… dropped a bomb on me?” 

“A bomb? But you already knew she’s a Fittes agent, that’s not new.” Lucy stated. 

“Yes, I know. And trust me, there’s nothing wrong with that.” George continued, “She is the sweetest, most intelligent, beautiful human being to have ever lived. I mean it.” 

Lucy and Lockwood shared a knowing look. George was totally a goner for this girl.

“Then.. just ask her out?” Lockwood suggested, watching carefully as George fidgeted with the thinking cloth, now too shy to look at his friends.

“That’s the problem, I can’t,” George explained, before pulling his glasses away and rubbing his eyes. The stress of the situation clearly getting the best of him.

“Okay, this will probably be a stupid question, but.. why?” Lucy asked, genuinely confused by the problem her friend was going through. Sure, asking someone out is frightening, but it’s not like George was about to fight a type two without any kind of protection.

George took a deep breath before finally explaining. “She can’t go out with me unless her sister gets a date, too.” 

Lucy almost laughed at how stupid the so-called bomb was. “Well, ask one of her colleagues to woo her or something. She’s a Fittes agent too, right?” She suggested, remembering the only fact they knew about said sister. “She must know a bunch of people willing to date her.” 

George found the strength to look up, making eye contact with Lockwood and then turning to Lucy, before finally dropping the bomb on them. “I can’t, everyone at Fittes despises her.” 

Shit.

Lockwood and Lucy didn’t even have to think twice about who the sister in question was. There’s only one person who is loathed by every single Fittes agent, and surprisingly it isn’t Quill Kipps. George was talking about Fittes’ very own heinous bitch. (Obviously, the nickname was granted by the one and only Bobby Vernon. But to be fair, it’s not like he is the most reliable of people. Lockwood took note of that.)

Portland Row was silent for a few moments until Lucy finally spoke up. “Well, George. The world is wide, there will always be other people for you to fall for.” 

“Luce.” Lockwood warned her. 

“I’m trying to help!” 

“I know you are, but George really likes this girl.” He explained

“I think I might be in love with her. No, scratch that. I am in love with her.” George confessed in a small whisper.

“Oh, fuck.”

“Luce.”

“Sorry!” 

“I told you we would try to help, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Right, Lucy?” Lockwood looked at her, an unspoken beg passing between them. 

“Fine, yeah, we will. What do you know about her sister? Maybe we can find someone with the same interests as her. Like umm.. Holly? or the guy who sweeps the floor at Arif’s?” Lucy almost winced at how stupid their repertoire of options was, the three of them were friends with a limited number of people, and by limited she meant Holly and a guy who always greets them when they get something from Arif’s

George thought for a few moments about everything he knew about her. “I know she’s a team leader–” He couldn’t even finish his list, let alone his sentence, because before he could even continue, Lockwood stood up. 

“I’ll do it.” He said with a small shrug, almost as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

A chorus of “I’m sorry?” and “What the fuck?” were heard at the same time, but Lockwood couldn’t bring himself to care. He wanted to do this. 

“What? You said you wanted someone to woo her. Right, Luce?” He explained as he took Lucy’s empty mug away from her and moved to the sink. 

Lockwood’s back faced them while he washed their used dishes. “Yes, but.. why do you want to do it?”

“It’s a win-win situation. If I go out with her, George will get to date her sister, and we will get publicity.” The way Lockwood explained the situation with such ease had Lucy thinking he had planned this beforehand.

“Publicity?” George finally spoke up. 

“Yes. You said she’s a team leader, which means she is important, and we also know she’s disliked by every single one of her peers, which means the press will be surprised to see her hanging out with someone. So, if we get photographed together, everyone will want to know what’s so special about the agents of Lockwood and Co. Which means–” 

“More cases.” George finished the sentence for him.

“See? It’s easy.” Lockwood, finally done with the dishes, turned around.

“No, it’s not. I think it’s a stupid idea. You won’t be using someone to get this agency more clients, are you insane?” Lucy stated, indignation lacing her words. 

“Hey, George. You said you were taking her sister out for breakfast tomorrow, how about we make it a double date?” He said with a bright smile, ignoring Lucy’s words. 

“Oh, um.. Okay.”

George was right, Lucy thought. They are so fucked. 

1- I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair.

“George, calm down. Everything will be okay, I promise.” Lockwood said, sending an encouraging look to the boy next to him. George was sweating, he didn’t expect your sister to accept the double date. He didn’t expect you to accept the double date. 

“I know. I even practiced a speech and everything, it will be alright.”

“You practiced a what?”

George wasn’t able to answer his question because right when Lockwood asked him, they were able to see two silhouettes standing outside of the café they were walking to.

“Oh, they’re here,” Lockwood stated plainly before walking up to them, George looking nervous as fuck next to him. 

Sure, George was a sweaty mess, but he knew this would happen. He even expected you to look at him with disgust in your eyes and say something along the lines of “I was dragged here against my will. Fuck you, Karim. You will never date my sister.” 

What he didn’t expect to see was your face painted with confusion. George was about to greet you with the long speech he spent the entire night workshopping, but before he could even mutter a word, you let out an exasperated sigh and looked George in the eye before you gaze slipped to Lockwood and then back to him. 

“What is it, asshole day? Why are you two here?”

Lockwood was about to open his mouth and answer your question, but luckily your sister spoke up just in time.

“I invited my two friends to have breakfast with us!” She said with a bright, almost angelic smile. George felt like he was in heaven just by seeing her. 

“I know about Karim, but why are you friends with Anthony Lockwood?” 

“Oh, so you’ve heard of me? Only the good things, I hope.” Lockwood said, his charming smile making a way to his face.

“Yeah, like the houses you’ve burned down, and how stupidly reckless you are to the point that you even got shot.” You stated, repulse evident in your eyes as you looked at the man of the hour. 

“It’s adorable how much you know about me.”

“Have you ever been to a psych ward? I can get you an appointment set and ready by tonight.”

“You want to see me tonight?”

George feared you might slit Lockwood’s throat with the way you were looking at him. “We should, um, get inside.” He said, trying (and failing) to break the awkward tension, guiding the four of you into the café. 

George looked at your sister and whispered into her ear “It’s not my place to assume but.. you didn’t tell her we were coming, did you?”

She gave him a shy smile before answering. “I want her to make some friends, and I think someone like Lockwood might help her come out of her shell.”

She looked so innocent that George wanted to break down crying and tell her all about Lockwood’s dumb publicity plan. This was eating him alive. 

You took a seat next to your sister in the booth George had reserved for the four of you. Lockwood smiled when he saw your eyes widen at the sight of him sitting right in front of you. 

“Karim, can you switch places with your friend?” 

“Why? Are you embarrassed I’ll see you blush whenever you look into my eyes?” 

“Have you ever been told that your hairline will recede by the time you’re 30 years old if you keep cutting and styling your hair like that?”  

“Have you ever been told that you’re incredibly beautiful?” 

Your sister had to place her hand over yours before you could reach for the knife placed in front of you by a waiter. Lockwood couldn’t contain his laughter at the look on your face.

“What’s so fucking funny, Lockwood?”

“Nothing. Don’t mind me, please continue with your insults. I relish being the reason behind your thoughts and words.” 

That was enough to shut you up. Your sister, George, and Lockwood shared jokes and stories while you looked down at your plate, the conversation flowing easily between them. Sometimes you’d look up to find Lockwood staring at you, he’d send you a small smile and try to include you in the conversation, but you didn't intend on giving him the satisfaction of getting you to speak, so you’d shut him down with an eye roll. 

The rest of the morning went by smoothly until your sister had the brilliant idea to tell you about her plans for the rest of the day. 

“You’re going to the archives with Karim.. alone? Just the two of you?” 

“Did you not hear her the first time, love?”

“Shut the fuck up, Lockwood.” You snapped at him, hoping your anger was enough to mask the blush rushing into your cheeks. 

It wasn’t. 

“Did I just make you blush?”

“You made me want to throw up.”

“Deny it all you want, but the pet name clearly had an effect on you.. love.”

“Ugh, whatever.” 

The four of you stood up and walked to the café’s exit, Lockwood opening the door for your sister and you. As soon as you got outside, your sister began to apologize for not telling you about her impromptu archives plan with George.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind. Just.. text me when you get there?” You said softly. Way too softly, Lockwood noticed. He had never seen you this vulnerable, maybe your sister was way more important to you than he expected. 

“I will. Promise.”

You said your goodbyes before turning around, planning on walking to your car, but the universe definitely wasn’t on your side today.

“Wait! I’ll go with you.” Lockwood said as he tried to catch up with you, matching the pace of your long strides. 

“I don’t know if you can tell, Lockwood, but I’m trying to get away from you.”

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t drive you home after our first date?”

“You’re not a gentleman, and that wasn’t a date.”

Lockwood pressed a hand to his heart, feigning hurt. “Ouch, not a gentleman? Thank god my mother isn’t here to hear those words.”

You finally stopped walking and turned around to face him. “What do you want?”

“To.. drive you home?”

“No, Lockwood. What do you want? You tried to include me in your stupid conversation earlier, then paid for my breakfast, opened the door for me, and now you want to drive me home. What the fuck do you want?”

Lockwood stayed silent for a while, just staring into your eyes. “I was trying to be nice to you, is that too hard to believe?” 

He took notice of how you looked away from his eyes and tried to keep your hands busy by playing with the hem of your shirt. 

You cleared your throat before saying, “Fine, but if you fuck my car up, I swear to god, Lockwood..” 

2- I hate the way you drive my car.

The car was silent the entire first half of the ride. Sometimes you’d catch Lockwood staring at you from the corner of your eye, but you never looked back, deciding that looking through the car window was a better sight. 

“You don’t talk much unless it is to deliver a well-crafted insult, huh?” Lockwood said, trying to break the silence. It wasn’t awkward, it was just.. tense. 

“Do you want me to talk to you?” You answered, slightly surprised by the fact that Anthony Lockwood of all people, wanted to have a conversation with you. 

“Yeah.”

“And what do you want me to say? It’s not like I know a single thing about you.” 

“You can say whatever you want, I don’t mind. I’ll accept it whether it is you cursing my entire bloodline, or you saying you’re deeply attracted to me.” 

The car came to a stop, a red light illuminating Lockwood’s sharp features. You hated to admit it, but fuck, Anthony Lockwood was attractive. 

“Me? Deeply attracted to you? Holy shit, did you fall and hit your head as a baby?”

“You so are.”

“Am I that transparent? Because you’re right. Oh, Lockwood, I am so attracted to you and your stupid fucking personality. I want you, I need you. Oh baby, oh baby.”

“You have such a beautiful way with words, love.”

That was enough to get a small laugh out of you. Lockwood kept surprising you, he didn’t back down after an insult or two, and he actually seemed to enjoy being indulged in them. 

He turned his head to look at you as soon as he heard you laugh, a smile adorning his face. A feeling of pride (and maybe something more) swelled in his chest.

“I can’t believe I just made you laugh for the first time and we’ve been on a date for about three hours now. God, I’m making such a bad first impression.” 

“You still won’t let the idea of this being a date go?” 

“Nope. I enjoy being on a date with you. You’re a nice person to hang out with.”

The corners of your lips curled up into a small smile. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do, I would rather take you out on a million dates than spend 30 minutes with any other person,” Lockwood confessed, and he meant it.

“Like you could find a person who would willingly spend 30 minutes with you.”

“Oh, see? That, there. Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?”

The two of you spent the rest of your ride home talking, the tension slowly evaporating, leaving room for the back-and-forth quips that Lockwood and you kept throwing each other. 

Lockwood stopped the car when he heard you say, “Alright, this is my house.” You were about to open the door, but before you could even extend your arm he said a quick, “Wait!” and got out of the car, rounding it to open your door.

“Thanks.”

“Anything and everything for you.”

Just as you were about to answer, a flash and the sound of a camera clicking disrupted the moment you were having. 

“You’re fucking with me”, you muttered under your breath. Lockwood looked surprised too, he had completely forgotten about his plan. 

Take her out for a few days. Get photographed together. Gain more clients.

His heart sank at the reminder of the reality of this situation. He had been so busy having fun with you, that his mind decided to blur out the reason why he was hanging out with Fittes’ most hated agent. 

“Alright. I should, um, go.”

“Do you want me to walk you to your door? Or is the first date too soon to meet your parents?”

“Fuck you, Lockwood,” You said with a smile.

“It doesn’t really seem like you want to.”

He found himself smiling, too. 

3- I hate it when you stare.

“What a fun coincidence to find you here, love.”

You rolled your eyes at Lockwood’s annoying voice. “Yeah, it’s such a fun coincidence that you almost burned this house down and my team had to come help your incompetent agency.” 

“Third time’s a charm.”

“There’s no way in hell you’ve been the cause of more than two fires.” 

“If you let me take you out on another date, maybe I’ll tell you more about them.” You almost stabbed him with your rapier. “Shut up, people might hear.” That brought a bright smile to his face and an incredulous look to his eyes.

“Oh, so you want to keep our relationship a secret? Fine, I’ll take it. I love a forbidden romance.” He whispered, the smell of lavender and lemon engulfing you as he kneeled a bit to whisper in your ear. 

“Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night. Anyway, I need to go check out the paperwork for the mess you made, can you keep an eye on my team?” You shyly asked, breaking the eye contact he was desperately trying to keep.

“You trust me with your team? I thought my agency was incompetent and I wasn’t good at anything.” 

“It’s just for a few minutes, don’t let this get to your head.” 

“Oh, it’s way over my head, love.” 

You showed him a very special finger, before walking away to talk to Barnes. You tried to remain professional and listen to what the inspector was saying, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of a pair of eyes looking at you. “Sorry for calling you again, you know how it gets whenever Lockwood and Co have a case,” Barnes said, breaking you out of the cage your mind had trapped you in. 

“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s my pleasure to help.” You tried to muster up a small smile for the man, you liked Barnes, he never treated you differently, not even when the way you acted and decided to express yourself wasn’t the most appropriate. 

“And I think it's their pleasure to be helped.”

“I’m sorry?”

You turned around, following Barnes’ line of sight, only for your eyes to meet Lockwood’s. He gave you a small smile but didn’t look away, it was almost as if he longed for your eyes to make contact. You sent him a small frown, wordlessly asking him what was wrong, he just shrugged and waved at the two of you. 

“He is so weird.” You said, turning to face the inspector. “Tell me about it. Well, we are all done here. Have a nice night, and make sure to get home safely.” He answered, eager to get away from the group of agents surrounding him, and walking away. 

Lockwood didn’t miss a beat before making his way to you. “So, I’m thinking we make the second date happen over some tea at Portland Row?”

“Not happening.”

“I’m not one to make a woman feel uncomfortable when she says no, but may I ask why?

“I’d rather spend my time hanging out with ten type threes, than with the group of miscreants you call friends. No offense to Lucy and Holly, though. I quite like them. I was talking about Karim, tell that thing to stay away from my sister.” You answered, finally finding the guts to maintain eye contact while you spoke. 

“You know Lucy and Holly?” He decided to ignore your entire statement, now only focused on the fact that you knew his friends. Anxiety making its way through his body at the thought of Lucy telling you about his plan. 

“Yeah, and they told me some really interesting things about you. I never took you as the type of person to do that type of stuff.”

Lockwood’s heart almost gave out. “What did they say?”

“That you wear pink socks.”

He felt his heart start beating again. Lockwood thought he was about to die in front of you, he made a mental note to thank Lucy for being nice enough to not tell you about his schemes. He found the strength to give you a charming smile. 

“That surprised you? Lord, do you think I’m the type of guy to have a fragile masculinity? My mother raised me better than that.” 

“You mention your mother a lot, are you close with her?

They should give out awards for Feeling your heart stop two times in the span of 3 minutes because Lockwood was sure he would get one delivered to Portland Row’s doorstep by tomorrow morning. 

“I.. um, yeah.” 

Fuck. You made it awkward. You almost dropped down to your knees and begged him for forgiveness. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude into your personal life, it’s not my place to ask and assume shit about your family. I’m so fucking sorry, Lockwood.” The light in your eyes dimmed, the sight of it made Lockwood want to tell you all about his past. He wanted to go back to ten minutes ago when your eyes were shining and looking into his. He internally swore to never let the light leave them again.

“You’re good, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He reassured you in a small voice, clearly not fine. 

“No, I will worry–” You couldn’t finish your sentence because, once again, the light of a camera flash illuminated Lockwood and you, blinding you both for a split moment. 

“Of course they’re here. Jesus Christ, do they not have lives? A family?” 

“Maybe they just like taking pictures of your beautiful face.”

The light came back to your dim eyes at his statement. “There he is.” You said, noticing how his gaze slipped from your eyes to your lips, before going back to the eye contact you had.

“What can I say? I can’t stop myself from complimenting you when you’re around.”

4-  I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.

The streets of London were quiet while Lockwood took a small walk in the early morning. Lucy told him if he walked around the city for a few hours, he’d be able to break in the new pair of combat boots she got him as a present after he made it through 10 cases without almost dying.  

“It’s 8 am and you’re already up being pathetic. I should say I saw this coming, but I really didn’t. Holy shit.” A familiar voice snapped him out of the daze he was in. He was so busy going through a list in his head of all the things he had to do this week, that he didn’t notice you walking next to him. 

“How long have you been walking by my side?”

“Long enough to see you staring straight ahead and not noticing how incredibly pathetic you look. Your boots are hideous, by the way.” You answered, looking into his eyes and noticing how he smirked at your last remark.

“I don’t think Lucy will be happy about you calling her well-thought gift hideous.”

You let out a genuine laugh as soon as he said that. It was the type of laugh that bubbled up from your chest and had you throwing your head back. It made Lockwood feel as if all the morning clouds had disappeared and the sun shone only on the two of you. Sure, you had laughed at Lucy’s gift, but the sound was enough to let the sun shine its warm rays through Lockwood’s heart. An infinite sunbathe.

“Oh, so you find this funny? Hurting my best friend’s feelings?” He asked in a teasing tone, squinting slightly at you.

“So.. I take it she didn’t tell you?” You asked, a small giggle escaping your lips and going straight through Lockwood’s heart. 

“Tell me what?”

“That our plan was to get you the most ugly, repulsive looking, and incredibly stupid boots that we could find? I wasted my money on that, you’re welcome or whatever.” 

He should’ve been offended. Offended at how Lucy wanted him to humiliate himself by walking through the streets of London with a pair of bright neon green combat boots. Offended that she had asked for your help to choose the ugliest pair she could find. But he was too busy fighting the urge to press his lips against yours and to run his slender fingers through your hair. 

Did you not notice how you always bit your lip after laughing because you thought that would stop you from falling into another fit of laughter? 

“Yeah, yeah, you two are so funny,” He rolled his eyes with a smile. “Thank you, love.” He was about to nudge you with his shoulder, but as soon as he turned to look at you, he noticed you weren’t next to him anymore.

His heart stopped for a second until he finally looked back and caught you staring at two women through a café window, clearly on a date. One of them gave the other a bouquet of different types of flowers and brushed back a strand of her girlfriend’s bright red hair. That brought a smile to your face. 

“Hey, you okay?” He whispered as soon as he stood next to you, noticing the sad smile on your face. 

“Oh, yeah. I was just..” 

You didn’t have to say a word for him to be aware of what you wanted to mention. The look in your eyes, and the small smile on your face.. this was the look you always got whenever you saw your sister with George. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Lockwood reassured you. Not wanting to scare you off after seeing the look on your face and the small voice you used to answer. 

“Do you think I’m holding my sister back?” You asked, turning around to look into his eyes, your hands trembling a bit.

He didn’t miss a beat before taking hold of your hand and lacing your fingers together, giving your gentle hand two squeezes. “I think.. you care a lot about her, and that’s completely fine. But it is not your job to dictate what she can or can not do. It’s okay to let her have her freedom and life, just like you deserve to have yours.” 

You took a deep breath before pulling Lockwood into a hug, your arms surrounding his neck. Lockwood was startled for a second but didn’t have to think about it twice before wrapping his arms around your waist, letting you take the lead in this display of affection. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, but.. um”

“You don’t have to say anything, come on,” He said, breaking the hug and taking your hand into his, pulling you forward to continue the walk you were on.

5- I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.

Lockwood looked down at your intertwined hands, thinking of things to say to get the fog of sadness blinding you out of the way. “So you’re a hopeless romantic, huh?

“What the fuck?”

Alright, so maybe this wasn’t his greatest icebreaker ever, but at least it was something. He chose to continue. 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you always stare at every couple we walk past. It’s kind of adorable. Fittes’ heinous bitch being a hopeless romantic? Sign me the hell up.”

“You’re sick in the head, Anthony Lockwood.”

“I didn’t think of you as a hopeless romantic, like.. at all. But I assume this means you’re the type of person who wants flowers and love letters delivered to her doorstep. Right?”

“No.”

“Sure, love. I’ll keep this in mind for future references.”

Lockwood made sure to walk you back to Fittes’ building after spending the rest of his morning with you, choosing to take the weird looks his boots got with pride and a bright smile. Whenever someone stopped him in the street he’d answer with a happy “my best friend and this beautiful lady next to me gave them to me as a gift”. 

You spent the rest of your day going back and forth through Fittes’ small yet numerous offices, talking to different people about your previous and next cases. Sometimes you’d stop to take a breather outside a door, but quickly remembered the importance of your role as a team leader, and snapped out of your seemingly neverending exhaustion. 

“Am I dreaming or is that my best friend in the whole world?” You turned your head to the right to find Bobby Vernon smirking at you, a dry chuckle leaving his lips.

“Fuck off, Vernon.”

“Woah, no need to get all pissy, love.” You clenched your shaking fists, trying to keep your anger in. You may have a short temper, but you would never let someone like him get the satisfaction of making you angry, or at least of noticing the effect his words have on you. 

The thought of someone other than Lockwood calling you by that pet name made you want to burst into tears. How dare they see you as someone who’s weak? After everything you’ve done and fought for to get the role you have as an agent? 

“I don’t have the time for your bullshit, so just spit it out and let me go home.” You said with an eye roll.

“Your sister wanted me to tell you that you got mail. Well, it’s more like a gift, I guess. I assume it’s from your parents because I can’t think of a single human being who genuinely likes you.” 

You knew better than to take his words to heart, but the venom he said them with stung. You knew you were unlikeable, probably even unloveable at this point, but he didn’t have any right to say those words to your face. It made you feel disgusting, you had to fight back the urge to throw up.

“Yeah, alright. Have a good day, Vernon.” You replied as you walked past him and out into the street, calling for a cab to take you home.

The ride back home was silent, and it surprisingly made you miss Lockwood. It made you miss his stupid jokes, his ugly haircut, and his reckless way of driving your car. You were sure the poor guy didn’t know what a stop sign meant. 

As soon as the cab driver got you home, you made sure to pay him and wish him a safe drive, after all, the curfew was 15 minutes away from starting. A sigh escaped your lips after opening your door and heading into your room. The day had left you completely worn out, and Bobby’s words didn’t help at all with the shit day you were having.

You quickly got changed and were about to head to bed when you noticed a package sitting in the corner of your room. A frown made its way to your face when your eyes caught the unfamiliar handwriting with your name on the box, curiosity taking the best of you as you opened the package with a delicate touch.

A gasp left your lips when you opened it and found the same bouquet of colorful flowers you saw the woman give to her partner at the café. A white envelope sat next to them.

With a small smile and shaking hands, you opened it and were greeted with Lockwood’s handwriting.

Hey, my love. 

I’ll be really honest and say that my mind is completely blank as I write this, but I just wanted to let you know that right after I dropped you off, I went to Arif’s with George and heard a love song playing — I couldn’t help but think of your hopeless romantic self as soon as I heard these lyrics: You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you. 

Jesus, I know you’re having a field day reading this. Me? Embarrassing myself and sending you a bouquet and a love letter? You’re right, I must be extremely sick in the head.

Anyway, I hope you have a good day. You deserve it.

With lots of love,

Lockwood. 

(PS: You don’t have to say it back! But I thought it felt right to say it since we’re kind of besties now.) 

The tears you spent the entire day holding back decided to come out right after you finished reading the letter. Sobs escaped your lips as you sat down in your bed, the flowers and letter still in your hand. A strange feeling bubbled up inside you, you didn’t quite know what it meant, but decided to guess it was that disgusting sickening feeling Bobby left you with. 

When you laid in bed and tried to go to sleep, you took notice of how different the feeling you were having right now was from the one you got with Bobby Vernon. Sure, this one made you want to throw up, too. But it also made you want to stare into Lockwood’s eyes again and to feel his arms wrapped around your waist for a few more seconds. You drifted to sleep with a craving of feeling Lockwood’s hand intertwined with yours for the rest of your life.  

[whore4gwen]

Did I Cross the Line? ﾟ･｡

Mother Miranda x Assistant Reader

Tags: Angst bc it’s my fav, yelling, mental breakdown, blunt asf Miranda, I mean she really gives no fucks, revenge, neglect, borderline mental abuse, toxic relationship, over glorified Miranda (could never), & I think that’s it, lmk if I missed any!

A/n: Back w some Miranda angst. Not even lying, I have like seven different Miranda wips I’m tryna finish. I just get so distracted & then make another. Enjoy this one though!

———————————————————————

“I have given you my mind, body, and soul. Quite literally everything I am. What more do you need? What more can I give to earn your trust? Your loyalty?” You yell horsely, adrenaline coursing through your veins.

Fights between Miranda and yourself, almost always evoked such emotions and entailed shouting.

Predictably, Miranda remains leaning on the back counter, tall and stoic, demeanor unwavering. She doesn’t have time for these fits of yours, yet she finds herself at the receiving end periodically. If only you had better anger management, she often thought to herself.

Deciding to wrap it up herself, Miranda turns around with nothing more than a low sigh, as she continues her work that you so un ideally distracted her from. There was really no point in conversing with you when you got like this. So wrapped up in that little head of yours. Miranda knew you’d stomp off, calm down, and then eventually, everything would be as it should. That is till you decided you wanted to throw yet another fit. Miranda rolls her eyes at the thought.

So crass, she thinks to herself. So quick to anger, so damn distracting, she grits her teeth.

Still standing, almost in shock, almost that is, you huff as you turn around and slam Miranda’s door to her lab shut. How could she spare you hardly even the time of day, and then completely disregard you and completely ignore you! Absolutely infuriating.

Your knees sank to the floor as hot tears rolled down your already inflamed cheeks. The exhaustion of the last hour hitting you like a ton of bricks.

You loved Miranda, truly you did, but she was so wrapped up in herself, so reliant on you being an obedient mindless little mass of cells, you couldn’t do it anymore. Enough was enough, you’d make Miranda realize just how much she needed you, even if it was the last thing you did.

Regardless if she realizes the error of her ways or not, that won’t be enough to change her. Nothing is enough to change the one and only Mother Miranda, priestess, protector, matriarch of the Village.

You couldn’t go back. Not to a life of constant tug of war, always pushing and pulling, it gets rather tiring after awhile. As much as you’d like for things to brighten, you’re burnt out and quite frankly no longer care to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. This time, it’s about Miranda suffering. Even if it makes you suffer a little bit too.

You weren’t sure where you’d go or what you’d do, but if there was one thing on your mind, it was her; just like she intended.

[romanarose]

If You Wanna Be Wild: Chapter 3

Co-written with @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader/OC x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Javier goes to see Candy to 'get information', runs into the last person he was expecting.

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it.

Additional warnings: References to BDSM and rough sex thats consensual, but consenual under the blanket of prostitution so much that I think I'll put it as dub con due to lack on comfort and ability to say no. None it is shown but the aftermath is, and Javi provides aftercare although he was not a participant. Smut today! The usual smut warnings I'm not gonna detail everything lol it's nothing crazy like my usual lol, there's lots of oral, piv sex, teasing, begging. B

For the record, this is a fic that takes place in the drug trade and deals with the darker side of humanity, so anything from Narco's and Triple Frontier is liable to be discussed or mentioned here. This is your warning. This is not a dark fic nor is it centered around dark themes like Leather and Lace or Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside, but they are open to be talked about.

Reader has a nick name: Candy. Not her real name just what she goes by on her profession. Much of the inspo for this and for the title came from the Bruce Springsteen song “Candy’s room” so check it out for the vibes.

Reader speaks Spanish and had hair. I've decided Candy is just latina coded bc she's a sex worker in colombia so this is what I'm doing.

4.3 words, a good chunk of which was written by my beloved Fen. I've been rather burnt out of smut lately, and I wanted this to be good to establish Candy and Javier's connection and chemistry so my dear @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction wrote ALL THE SMUT FOR ME. They write wonderful fanfiction so pleeaasseeee check out their work!!

Support writers! Reblog and comment!

*****************

“And just what do you want to know this time, Peña?” You say, leaned up against the wall under a poster of Farrah Faucet.

Javier stepped up to you, broad frame and tall figure encasing you up against the wall of your apartment. He was anything but intimidating, and he wasn’t trying to be; Javier Peña was a good man, even if he didn’t think he was. You couldn’t help but care for him, blurring the lines of what a hooker and a John’s relationship should be, but you couldn’t help it, and Javi knew. Javi was protective of the women he sleeps with, and you were no exception. In addition to getting you out of legal trouble a few times, he had helped you when you had issues with creepy, dangerous men and had even helped a friend or two. 

He was someone you trusted and someone whose time you looked forward to; someone who made you cum, multiple times and hard. But it was more than that. Javier was gentle with you, fucking you hard but never leaving a mark and if he thought you were tired or in pain from previous activities, he’d allow you to take care of him in other ways, even down to a hand job. He loved connection, but he loved your comfort more.

Once, after a grueling bondage session with impact play from another client, you had been left worn, bruised, and in pain when Javi called you for a late night fuck. Sure. You could squeeze him in although you had been looking forward to giving yourself aftercare since clients didn’t pay for that side of things. 

Javi had come over in his usual charm, making out on the couch and grinding against you as per usual, touching you sensually to warm you up, but when he slid off your skirt and tried to touch you only to find you dry he stopped. “What’s wrong?”

You had tried to insist nothing was wrong, tried to promise it was fine; you had lube for a reason. When he lifted up your skirt and saw the bruises forming on your skin, he went into a rage.

“WHO THE HELL DID THIS?”

Eventually, you are able to calm him down and start to explain the concept of BDSM to him and he tells you that no one should be leaving marks like that. He gestures to the bruises and the welts

“He pays for it and I let him, Javi. You don’t have to be a hero to something I consent to.”

He begins to settle, tracing the bruises that showed despite your tan skin and the dim lighting. Yeah, okay, maybe they were kinda bad. He’d gotten carried away with the belt, but you had said he could use a belt. Technically, you could tell him to stop, or to go less hard… but this world didn’t look kindly on whores who had rules. 

“Where all did he hurt you?” Checking your exposed skin over but not undressing you anymore, Javier’s lips were pursed into a hard line and his eyebrows drawn together in focus. It was mainly just your ass that had taken the beating. Javi carried you to your bed, gently laying you down on your stomach and asked if you had any aloe vera. When you said no, he ran down to the bodega down the street. Javier took care of you that night, providing the after care you hadn’t gotten and held you close the remainder of the time he had asked for. That morning despite not giving sex and thus not expecting payment, you found the money he had promised on your kitchen counter.

“Can’t I just take time out of my day to visit my favorite girl?” He asked, leaning over you with his forearm pressed against the wall above you.

You scoff playfully. “You tell that to all your girls?”

Javi’s lip quirks up, eye squinting in a small smile that crinkled at the corners, showing the early signs of age on his handsome face. Pushing 40 looked nice on him. “I do, but you’re the only one I mean it with.” He solidified his tease with a wink.

“Really?” You raise your own eyebrow in turn. “This has nothing to do with Lorea?” 

At that, Javi pushes himself off the wall with a laugh, a genuine and hearty laugh that you love to see. “You’re a quick one, arentcha, Candy?” He crosses his arms, hip popped and takes in your whole body. He wasn’t just here for information on Lorea, after all. He’s never just here for information.

“Gotta keep an ear to the ground, never know when it’ll come in handy, like-” You gently shove him with one hand. “Getting me that visa.”

His playful manner faded but his face remained soft. “If it were up to me, I would.”

You knew that, of course. There really was no reason for the DEA to give you a vida; you’d been helpful, but nothing groundbreaking and there was no reason to believe your life was at risk so you were stuck. There were some days, however, that you dreamed… dreamed of moving to America… maybe with Javi… but those were just daydreams to get you through.

“I know, baby. Now, enough talking” Javi opened his mouth to protest, but you pressed a finger up against those lips. “We can go over what I know and what I can find out while you give me that after-sex massage.” You hook your finger on his collar and start pulling him towards the bedroom. 

“Oh, I see” He teases before grabbing your wrist, yanking it and twirling you towards him in order to wrap you up in his arms. “You think you’re in charge, all of a sudden?”

You smile sweetly at him, purposefully batting your eyelashes. There’s a familiar edge to his tone that you recognise immediately. One that just activates every bratty bone in your body.

“When am I not in charge, Javi?” You purr. 

He stares at you for a second, his muscles tense as he holds you, that split second of quiet before all hell breaks loose. 

And then he pounces. 

With a snarl his lips meet yours, all tongue and teeth as his right hand snakes up to grab your jaw and tilt your head up to meet him. The pressure is firm, controlling, but careful. Safe. 

He swallows down your chuckle and pushes you back against the wall firmly, moving his left arm to cradle your head from any real force. His facial hair scratches at your skin as he trails sloppy kisses and light bites over your cheek, down to your neck where he’s light enough not to leave a bruise but hard enough to leave you wanting. 

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, tugging at his shirt as he slides his hand to your shorts and pops the top button. 

His fingers are warm against your skin and he wastes little time, barely undoing the zip, before he’s pushing his hand under the waistband. 

Javi groans, the sound low and deep in his chest as he realises you’re not wearing any underwear. He slips his forefinger over your clit, circling it lightly. His mouth hovers near yours, sharing your air, his hot breath against your cheek as he watches your face. 

The second you bite your lip, trying to muffle that first little whine of pleasure, he sinks two fingers into your heat and presses his thumb against your bundle of nerves. 

It’s a little awkward at this angle with the tight denim of your shorts still on your hips. He can’t quite sink as deep as you’d like, as you need. But you know he’s doing this on purpose. Working you up without giving you true relief. Wanting to make you beg. 

You squirm against him, trying to wriggle and get the angle just right.

“What’s wrong, mi amor?” He whispers teasingly. “Something wrong?” 

“Javi…” Your voice comes out in a whine and he chuckles. 

“Can’t the princesa ask for what she wants?” He lightly scraps the edge of his short nail against your clit, dragging downwards before falling back into the previous rubbing rhythm. 

You bite back a moan, screwing up your eyes as he presses lightly at that perfect spot inside before quickly moving his fingers away. “Please.” 

“Please what?” 

You glare at him. 

“Please what?” He strokes against you again and you gasp, your words falling out in a jumble. 

“Please sir.” You spit, shooting him a dark look that you know he’ll love. 

He chuckles, pressing the heavy bulge in his jeans against your thigh. “Oh, someone’s in a bratty mood today, aren’t they?” He kisses your mouth, not giving you a chance to retort back. And nips at your bottom lip as you slide your hands into his hair. 

He circles your clit faster, grinding against your leg as you scrape your nails across his scalp. “Fuck,” he breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against yours. His eyes screw shut as he drags his thick cock against your skin. How the jean’s button hasn’t pinged open from the strain of the size of him, you’ll never know. The burn of the denim against your thigh is oddly pleasant, the shallow thrust of his hips just punctuating the slick glide of his fingers in and out of you. 

The air catches in your throat as you try to hold in your moan and Javi’s eyes snap open. The look he gives you is dark and hungry. 

He tuts. “Oh, no, we can’t have that, can we?” He hooks his left thumb through a belt loop and tugs your shorts down over your ass before letting them drop the rest of the way to the floor. 

Now, without the material’s restriction, he sinks his fingers deeper into you. Curling them perfectly against your walls, your slick coating his skin. Liquid pleasure flows along your nerves and steals your breath. 

You grab hold of Javi’s shoulders, your fingernails digging in as your back arches. “Ah- oh god!”

He shakes his head, a condescending frown on his face. “Shouldn’t take the Lord’s name in vain. I thought you were a good little Catholic?” 

“Javi, please-”

“Not good enough.” He grows in your ear before suddenly pulling his fingers out of you and dropping to his knees. 

You gasp, but don’t have longer than a second to lament the loss before his mouth is on you. He sucks your clit into his mouth, pinching the bud lightly between his teeth as he flicks over it with his tongue. At the same time he grabs a hold of your thighs, spreading you wide and hooking your right leg over his shoulder. 

He groans deeply, savoring your taste as he sinks his fingers back into your aching folds. 

You moan loudly, grabbing onto Javi’s hair for support as he fucks you with his fingers and tongue, pushing up and against you so hard that you have to balance on the tip of your left toes and trust in his strong arms to support you. 

The words that fall from your lips are boarding on incoherent, whimpered out sounds of ‘more’ and ‘please’ that barely sting together. Javi knew your body far too well by now and used every single trick he had in fucking you dumb as quickly as he could. 

You fight your body’s urge to clamp your legs around his face, even though his forearm pressed firmly against your thigh would stop you from getting too far anyway. 

Your orgasm builds dizzyingly fast, just scratching on the edge of your mind. Your hips buck against his mouth wildly, no longer under your own control and instead just following Javi’s tantalizing rhythm. 

“Javi, fuck-” This is what you love about having sex with Javi; it felt normal, it was fun, it was good, and you gt paid for it. Win/win.

He growls low in his throat approvingly as you tug on his hair, trying to warn him of how close you are. He thrusts his fingers deeper, pushes his face against you completely as if he had no need for oxygen as he grinds against you.

Heat sparks up from your core and you come against him with a sharp cry, tears in your eyes from the force of it. The ecstasy overwhelms you, so sharp it is almost painful as he pulls your orgasm out from your soaking folds, demanding your pleasure.

He only moves his mouth away from you and stills his hand when he feels you slump a little against him, your limbs turning boneless. 

You breathe heavily, almost light headed as you come back to yourself. 

When you look down, you see Javi looking up at you with a shit eating grin that makes you want to slap him playfully.

“I think that was the fastest one yet, hermosa?” 

You scowl at him, but can’t keep the smile from your lips. “Maybe.” You say finally. 

Javi chuckles, pressing kisses to your thigh and slowly pulls his fingers out of you with a wet drawn out pop.

“Hmm, look at what a mess you made?” He raises his eyebrow teasingly as he holds up his fingers for you to see. Your creamy slick covers his fingers, catching the light as he moves his hand before he licks them clean. Purposefully making a show of it. 

He waits until you begin to speak before he swipes his tongue through your folds. 

“Javi,” you begin to chastise. 

“Just cleaning up your mess.” He mutters, dipping his tongue back inside. He hums approvingly, dragging his tongue along your slit and swirling around your clit before diving back in. 

“Javi-”

“Didn’t realize how messy you are.” He moans against your core. “Gonna take longer than I thought it would.” 

You whine as he curls his tongue inside, pressing against your clit with the bridge of his nose. That familiar heat begins to build between your legs. You worry your lip between your teeth, letting the sensation tighten in your belly until it becomes too much. 

You tug on his hair, pulling him away from you. The bottom half of his face shining. 

“Tesoro, ” you breath, “if you don’t fuck me now, I’m gonna-”

“Oh, you’re gonna what?” He raises his eyebrows at you. 

You pause, then pout. “Cry.” 

He chuckles and sighs, getting up. “You sure have me bent around your little finger, bebita.” 

“What?” You blink at him in mock surprise, “I don’t know what you mean, you’re the one incharge here.” 

“Sure.” He murmurs, lightly taking hold of your chin again to kiss you deeply. He intentionally wipes some of your wetness from his cheek onto yours as he moves back, a cheeky smirk on his face. 

You tut, but he quickly kisses you again, wrapping his arms around you and pulling off your top and bra, quickly followed by his own clothes. 

His cock is burning and hard as he rubs it firmly against your skin, only breaking contact to grab hold of your ass and lift you up. He presses you against the wall and raises your legs to his hips, which you quickly wrap around him with a yelp and a giggle into his neck. 

“Gonna fuck me against the wall, sir?”

“Mmm hmm.” 

You grin. “Can’t wait the ten seconds it will take to get to the bed?” 

He shakes his head. “Nope. Plus I want Farrah to see.” He nods to the Farrah Faucet poster above you. 

You snort and shake your head at him. “You’re such a goof.” 

He kisses your cheek, rubbing firm circles into your thighs with his fingers as he holds you up. He slowly rubs the head of his cock against you, rocking his hips to make swallow circles. 

“You fucking love it.” He mutters against your lips as he thrusts into you. 

You moan as he fills you, the stretch of him igniting your deep burn of arousal into a full on blaze. 

“That’s it, that’s better isn’t it? Better for you to be full of my cock, sweet thing.” He mutters as he sheethes himself fully inside, the head of him rubbing perfectly deep. 

You barely manage a nod before he starts moving, fucking you hard against the wall. His hand once again around the back of your head to stop it from smacking against the plaster.

You hang on for dear life, your fingernails digging into his skin unintentionally as he hits that sweet spot again and again and again, knowing he would take care of you, relentless in his pursuit of your pleasure. 

You kiss him hard between your moans and gasp for breath, biting sharply at his bottom lip and whining when he nips you back. 

He shifts his weight slightly, pushing forward with his left  leg and your back arches as he presses deeper, your legs shaking. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoes around your apartment. Javi mutters in half broken sentences under his breath, jumbles of words that would probably still be incoherent if you weren’t distracted by the way rams into you. How he hits every sweet soft so perfectly. 

Pleasure builds in your stomach, your toes curl as he keeps up his relentless pace. Not giving you a moment of reprieve as your hurtle towards your second orgasm.  

You squeeze his biceps, trying to stave off your pleasure for a moment longer, but it’s seemingly impossible with the way he moves in you. 

“Gonna make me cum, baby.” You whine in his ear and Javi’s thrusts stutter for the smallest moment, a quiet groan escaping his lips before he recovers himself and focuses all his energy on stuffing himself into you at the exact same pace. 

“That’s it baby,” he grunts, sweat beading on his brow, “squeeze my cock, cum for me-oh shit!”

You cum hard against him, gasping as your walls clamp down around his thick length and digging your nails into his skin. For a second it’s like you're floating. 

He thrusts twice more before he buries himself to the hilt and cums deep, pressing his face into your neck and he groans and shakes with the force of it. 

You hold him for a second as he breathes hard, still pinning you to the wall. Once he regained his own composer, Javi took note of your shaking legs and knew as soon as his body weight was taken off you, you were going to sink to the floor. Always a caretaker, Javi gripped your thighs and hoisted you up; instinctively your legs wrapped around him as he carried you to your bed.

“Rub my back?”

“Happily.”

Moments like this seemed so domestic with him, seemed like you were just a normal couple spending a sweaty summer day in bed. Never mind the fact he had 10 minutes before he needed to get the hell out of here before your next client showed up, lest they ran the risk of running into each other. Always a little awkward, and you always tried to schedule a little time in between clients to prevent such meetings. Nothing but class in Candy’s room.

*

“What do you wanna know about Gabriel?” Candy asks him, the sun from her open window illuminating golden off the skin of her back. She lazily smoked a cigarette that Javi gave her; it was practically an agreed upon part of payment at this point.

“Do we really have to just jump into it? Feels so transactional.”

She laughed at that. “Well it is a transaction, Peña. I’m not just calling you up on a random Tuesday to talk drug lords.”

“Yeah, okay. What do you know? Apparently enough if you’re on a first name basis.”

She shrugged. “That’s pretty standard. I’m not going to call him Señor Lorea while he’s balls d-”

“I get the picture.”

Candy gave him some information that was useful to start with; where he socializes with other deals and producers (and hookers), how many children he has, and where they go to school (after making him promise the children wouldn’t be involved), and a few other details. Candy said she could find out more with some time, but Javi had to work to get her out of Colombia. 

“C’mon, you gotta get going before my next client.”

Javier groaned loudly, not wanting to move away from her. “I’ll pay for any time he’s paying for.”

“That’s not how it works, I can’t just call him up and cancel, this isn’t a dinner date.”

“You’re telling me you don’t have his number?” Javi teased, trailing his finger down her spin, noting the way it was more visible than the last time he noticed. He wondered if she was eating okay, or if this was a by-produce of coke parties.

“Most clients want to stay anonymous, they don’t want me calling them in the middle of the day to play boyfriend-girlfriend.”

Javi gently flicked her shoulder, making her giggle. “It’s for your safety, Candy”

“Oh yeah, I won’t know how to get a hold of you otherwise, I can’t just walk into the DEA office, heaven forbid.”

“Well, you could-”

“Can’t let the whole office know you solicit hookers.”

“I think that ship sailed.”

“Your sweet little catholic boy of a partner would have a heart attack.”

Javi chuckled at that. For his own privacy and everyone’s safety, Javi never told Candy the names of his partners; except for Steve, but Steve had met her several times. He did, however, give them all nick names if they stayed around long enough, and Santi’s was obvious. “Pope turns into a blushing virgin every time we have to go to a- a, uuhhhhh” He hesitated on what to call it without offending Candy.

“A whore house?”

“You said it, not me”

Candy turned over and smiled, shoving at him. “Go, I gotta wipe your cum out of me. This boy is a bit of a blushing virgin himself so I gotta be thorough.”

With an over dramatic groan, Javi rolled over and put out his cigarette and took Candy’s to put it out for her. Still, he stuck around as she went to the bathroom to clean up. He lit up a fresh one as he took a look around the apartment. It was clean, dressed up in an effort to hide how cheap the place actually was; posters covering cracks from age and holes made by angry clients, a carpet covering the scratches from when one shoved her into her side table, curtains perpetually covering a side window to hide the bullet hole and duct tape from when a John’s wife caught them. He wanted better for her, he did. He wanted better for all the women he was involved with, for his community, that’s why he did what he did. But Candy was special. He’d been trying to get her a visa for years, but she hadn’t given anything big enough and her life hadn’t been put in danger on behalf of the government for her to be granted one. 

Least he could do was fix her window next time. Let a little sun in.

He looked over the posters. “You got an Aubrey Hephburn poster yet?”

“No, surprisingly.”

“Good, I got you one I saw at a store. Didn’t wanna bring it in case you had one already.”

Candy poked her head out of the bathroom, watching Javi pull on his socks and shoes as he sat on the bed, jeans still unbuttoned. “Javi! You didn’t!”

“I did, hermosa, I’ll bring it next time.”

Grinning, she turned back to fix up her hair in the mirror. “You’re the best, I’m going to give you the best blowjob of your life. Can you hand me some lingerie, baby?”

“Making me pick out what you’re wearing for your next boyfriend, awfully messy.” He teased, but found a red and black bra and panty set.

She dressed as Javier finished smoking his second cigarette.

“Alright! Out!” Candy walked out of the bathroom in a silky, fluffy robe. Javier couldn’t help but smirk at the juxtaposition between how she looked for this new man and him. For him, Candy was perfectly happy to be dressed down with him comfortable, herself. She didn’t have to dress up for him.

As she ushered him out the door, Candy planted a kiss on his cheek before opening it, only to find Santiago on the other side of the door, leaned up against the wall.

“Diego!” Candy said, sounding surprised. “You’re early.”

Santiago, however, was staring wide-eyed at Javier with a strike of fear in him. 

“Garcia, what the hell are you doing here?” Javi couldn’t help the jealousy that crept up in him, instinctively trying to wrap an arm around her that Candy shrugged off. What was he doing with her? He needed to be careful, a DEA agent in bed with a prostitute that was frequented by powerful and dangerous men, he was setting her up for harm. Santiago couldn’t protect her like him.

“I… I was going to wait until it-it’s time… I didn’t want… to be… rudeImsorryIllgo” Santi averted his eyes and headed back towards the stairs. He stopped only long enough to stuff his hand into his pocket, pulling out the money he was going to pay her and sitting it on a wide guard rail before descending down the several flights of stairs.

Candy turned to Javi. “What the hell was that?”

Grabbing the money and placing it in Candy’s hands. “My partner.” Javi quickly ran down the stairs, following after the flustered kid. “GARCIA!”

*****************************

CATS OUT OF THE BAAAAGGGGGG

Poor little flustered santi ;-; I love him.

And my precious, protective baby boy.

Also, THERES A PLAYLIST NOW! Please comment songs you think fic the vibe. 70's music but 80's and 60's is okay too, even outside of those decades as long as they fit the vibe or the content (I.e. I have some Lana Del Rey because I think it sounds right, or I have sugar sugar by the archies bc the line "you are my candy girl" etc.)

Gonna take a moment to plus my latest series on my dark blog, Blessed be the Fruit, a Handmaid's Tale AU with Joel (and some Tommy) it is a dark fic so dub con due to the nature of the AU, but not the gaphic horrors of TWW.

Again, thank you thank you thank you for my beleoved Fen for writing the smut!

Comment to be added the tag list!

@runa-falls @lunar-ghoulie @campingwiththecharmings @whatthefishh @itspdameronthings @persephone-girl @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @beelzebeth87 @pimosworld @millerscoffee @heareball @thatwonderouswoman @poolbool @meveispunk @lovable-liar @millllenniawrites @read-and-wip @missdictatorme @the-fox-den @milkymoon2483 @k-ra @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rosellacwrites @legendary-pink-dot @dreamingofbucky @axshadows @englandsgray @starsthatwatch @laiisleitte @fairlyang @alwaysmicado @theywhowriteandknowthings @casa-boiardi @lostfleurs @ninebluehearts @puglover12 @sub-aro @laiisleitte @itspdameronthings @heareball @comfortlessjoy @csarab615 @calaveramangonda @bit-dodgy-innit @stevngrant

[midnightfire830]

It’s apparently “sharing-my-old-AUs-because-I’m-tired-and-burnt-out-from-a-new-job-and-don’t-have-the-energy-to-draw-anything!” time… Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy

This is my ghost AU from, like, back in October or something. The demon blood incident back when Cuphead was a kid actually killed him. And the Devil, on order to keep Cuphead alive, made him into a half-ghost like Ms. Chalice from the Cuphead Show. (Yes, I’m aware he’s pretty much now Danny Phantom. TWT)

He has some ghost-y abilities. But I won’t get into them now bc I’m worried about making this one post too long.

I’m absolutely open to questions on this one. I don’t think I’ve really talked about everything but eh? 🤷🏻

[sasukesgucciflops]

Here I am back on my John Marston BS.

I pointed this out before ab how ppl loved calling John “watered down” but I’m also seeing people forget that he was also put on a very high fucking pedestal and had no idea how to handle it. In other words; he was the gifted kid who got burnt out after everyone expected everything from him. John never expected to be seen as such. He actually preferred to not be held to such a degree. I’m sick and tired of people feeding into the “John’s a golden boy” “John’s a piece of shit” narrative. Clearly these people have only seen RDR2 and have no clue about everything in RDR1 and yes I’m giving an attitude so y’all better catch it.

Here’s my John Marston character analysis and this is only about one aspect of him. (Wait until you see every other aspect bc I’ve literally dissected this man like a frog oops)

He never fucking asked for it. In fact, he didn’t expect jack shit from anybody. If anything, people used him. People used him up. You see it plainly in rdr1, he’s being used to hunt down his old partners. To find his old partners he’s gotta ask the sheriff, what does the sheriff do? He uses him to handle some lowlife gangs around the county. The sheriff ACCIDENTALLY—not even voluntarily—reveals someone that ends up somewhat helping him out. West Dickens—and what does he do? Uses him. Seth? Uses him. Travels over to another country, what do they do? USE HIM!

Okay, so rdr2—if you couldn’t get the picture already—John was one of Dutch’s MAIN PAWNS. That man raised John to USE HIM. John was young and had lots of energy and he was gullible enough to let Dutch do whatever with his naivety. The most fucked up thing about all of it, not only about how (almost) everyone saw him as a pawn, not as a genuine friend, saw him only for his uses;

John didn’t care. He knew he was being used but he didn’t care. Yes it bothers him and again he’s fully aware he’s being ran around in circles by all these people; it doesn’t matter. He sees himself as someone who is replaceable. He’s expendable. It’s whatever. He was always made to think this and perhaps he knew that it was his fate to be all used up and thrown out like it was nothing. And that’s what ended up happening.

No, he wasn’t a perfect father. He SHOULDVE done much much better about that. Just for that I let anti’s breathe a little because in Jack’s younger years, hell no John wasn’t a good father! John was in denial, busy trying to live up to his dreams of being someone he isn’t. On that note, John slowly realized that Abigail and Jack were probably the only ones that didn’t see him as a pawn; they just wanted him to be present and that causes him to do a 180. To him, it was worth dying for them. Maybe he felt as if he owed them a debt that could never be repayed—it’s almost like he expresses this to Jack a dozen different times. “I’m sorry, Son. I’m not going anywhere.” And “I know I wasn’t around a lot for you but I’m trying to make up for that”. He becomes viscerally aware of the damage of his absence (as he should) and it becomes something he fears he’ll never get to make up for.

Abigail never wanted to use him. She just wanted HIM. Jack—OF COURSE never wanted to use him, he wanted a FATHER. Honorable mention, but Arthur never saw him as a pawn either. In fact, he was well aware of how John was being treated, even mentioning it to him canonically, along the lines of, and I’m loosely quoting this, “At first you’ll be a prize pony until you become a work horse”. These people become so important to John—among others such as Bonnie, Charles, Sadie, even Uncle—because they never tried to use. him. John was more than expendable to them, he was worth something to them and for that he loved them and felt as if he would owe them for eternity.

I truly can’t believe some of y’all completely miss that whole point because it’s written EVERYWHERE it’s literally how John’s story goes and we experience it with him. His story is so fucking tragic and yes, while Arthur was the prime example of “having a doomed narrative from the start”, people don’t talk about how John is literally in the same boat. That man was always doomed, by his friends, the people he would try to call family—he was raised all the way up just to be put down…. THAT’S the story of John fucking Marston.

[okkalo]

Okie! If requests are still open, I'd like to see what you think of this scenario:

Beach vacay, reader gets a sunburn (can be mild or lobster-y)

How would Ryusei, Reo, and Kunigami help their bbg?

Thank you!

Ps, I LOVED the "ily" hc you posted! They were very cute 😍

hi again! i’m glad u enjoyed the other request! and thank u for another req 🤭 this one hit close to home bc i literally just got a sunburn the other day but anyways i hope u enjoy!!

warnings: reader is suggested to be a girl in reo’s

characters: shidou, reo, kunigami

shidou

- ABSOLUTELY laughs at you.

- and just know that if you get on his nerves he will smack your sunburnt part

- might feel bad depending on how you react

- brags about how he doesn’t burn and only tans after laughing at you

- i would say tell him to shut up or something but once again he will smack your burn

- once he actually sees you upset he will start to care a little bit

- doesn’t really help with the burn though, he just treats you nicer

shidou had just gotten out of the shower, hair damp and towel around his naked waist, when he saw you wincing and breathing out a small ‘ow’ while putting on aloe. his carefree stroll immediately stopped while his posture slumped, his cocky face turning more serious at the sight. he gave another sigh as you winced once again at the pain before walking up to sit in the space next to you.

a small smirk decorated his lips at the glare you send his way, expecting him to start adding more salt to your wound. “hey, hey, i’m not gonna do nothin’. my baby’s in pain and i gotta make em’ feel better.” he spoke with a suave voice, snaking an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to place a gentle kiss on your neck. as much as you hated to admit, a few kisses from him definitely did make you feel better.

after a few more kisses from him you decided to end it there, your eyes roaming to his still naked lower body. you sighed, giving him a soft kiss on the lips before pushing him away, turning your attention back to your bowl of aloe vera. “go put your pants on, ryu.” he huffed, not wanting to follow someone else’s orders, going straight back in for your neck to pepper some rough kisses on your burnt skin. good luck with that.

reo

- he makes sure to keep your skin protected at all costs

- buys you expensive sunscreen and always tries to bring some source of shade because he doesn’t want you burning

- but it just so happened that you guys had been a part from each other when you got the burn

- when you walk in to your shared place with reo he just sighed, dropping everything he was doing to go get aloe

- scolds you while making you sit on the bathroom counter with him rubbing aloe into your skin

“this is why i should’ve gone with you,” he sighed, scooping up a clump of aloe before gently rubbing it on your thigh, his face in a focused frown. you remember him whining about how he wanted to go with you. you knew the real reason he wanted to go with you was to see you in a bathing suit and get to put sunscreen on your bare skin.

“it would’ve been weird if you had gone.” you sighed right back, tired of his complaining. “you would’ve been the only guy, weirdo.” you stated, watching his brows furrow as he raised his head to look at you with an offended face.

“i can be one of the girls!” he exclaimed, drawing a laugh out of you. you could only rake your fingers through his hair before patting his head. he sighed at the lack of response, eyes dropping once again to focus on your burnt leg. he would come up with another complaint in the next five seconds.

kunigami

- would probably be a worrier like reo except less extreme

- he would always try to put sunscreen on you when you were out in the sun that day

- he gets distracted that day, however, meaning he didn’t get the chance to remind you to put on the protectant

- feels HORRIBLE once he checks back in on you and sees you burnt

- immediately takes you home, occasionally cussing under his breath on the way home for his lack of notice

- starts a cold shower for you

“i should’ve remembered,” he mutters under his breath as he turns shower knob, water immediately following afterwards. he’s been like this for the past ten minutes, constantly muttering something new that he should’ve done.

“ren, love, it’s okay. the burn isn’t even that bad, babe. besides, i should’ve been the one to remember, so stop blaming yourself.” you finally sighed out, voice soft as you tried to comfort him by rubbing his arm. he turned over to you, face still in a frown as he saw your reddened state.

“it’s my job to remember, but i’ll stop.” he let out a deep sigh, bending down to pull you into an embrace. one hand wrapped around your back to rest on your waist while the other rubbed your upper back. “go ahead and get in, i’ll join in a few.” he said after a moment of silence, placing a small kiss your shoulder before pulling away from your arms. you made sure to give his arm an extra squeeze, a reassurance that it was okay, before he walked off.

unedited thanks for reading!

[irritablepoe]

~ Aftermath of S5 Ep11: Ranpoe Reunite ~

this is very sweet and also pure self-indulgence, i just want them to be happy okay?

No warnings (except maybe a bit self-esteem issues on poe's side); Hurt/Comfort; Ranpo is exhausted and Poe takes care of him; Love Confessions (bc i want them to kiss pls they deserve happiness); First Kiss

Word Count: around 900

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“It’s over.”

Poe jumped in his seat. He had been reading a book – or at least trying to read – while chewing on his fingernails, anxiously waiting for Ranpo’s return. Now, when he turned around, he was met by exhaustion incorporated. The detective was holding himself up through the doorframe and his willpower alone and that alone let Poe’s mouth dry in concern.

“He’s dead?”, he asked. Ranpo nodded.

Poe stood and looked Ranpo over with a quick look. “Is everyone alright?”

“Yes.”

Poe sure was relieved at his answer but another question burnt on his tongue. “Are- are you alright?”

Ranpo swallowed. “I- uh… I think I need to lay down.” He took a wavering step forward. And then he fell.

Poe caught him, pulled him close to his chest, and let them slump to the ground softly. Ranpo felt like a ragdoll in his arms; a dead weight that was too tired and too worn down to move. Poe had watched Ranpo neglect eating and sleeping the past few days and it had broken his heart. Occasionally, he had sneaked some sweets into his pocket and sometimes Ranpo had even put them in his mouth mindlessly. Sometimes he had ignored it all together. Other times he had put a blanket over Ranpo’s shoulders to keep him warm, though this had only been once - he had denied he did anything when Ranpo asked him about it the morning after. Like he had said: Ranpo had not been taken care of himself. Everything caught up to him now and all Poe could do was hold him. “You did so much, Ranpo. You saved the world.”

Ranpo let out a tired huff. “You say that like you’re in awe.”

Poe froze. “Maybe because I am.” He damned himself for it. Damned himself for the words that could've waited. But relief had loosened his tongue.

Now, Ranpo did move. He barely lifted his head, but his eyes pierced themselves into Poe’s and he was unable to look away. Embarrassment washed over him but now it was too late. He couldn’t take those words back and he didn’t want to.

Ranpo’s lips formed a surprised “oh” when he saw what lay at the very core of Poe’s inner emotional turmoil. Poe was an idiot. He gathered that a detective – more so Ranpo – would eventually find out what he was feeling. But he had thought as long as he didn’t deal with those… feelings, they wouldn’t get in the way of things. Now, Ranpo was staring at him like he was the world’s most precious thing.

“I-I’m sorry.”, Poe whispered, tears flooding his eyes. He tried to push Ranpo away. Get him away from his filthy hands, his stained soul. There was no way, he would accept Poe’s feelings. Not after all he had done. It was Ranpo after all. He was a lifesaver. A detective that worked in the light of the world. He was funny and he was cunning and more than everything: unpredictable. Poe didn't deserve him.

Ranpo’s hand grasped at his clothes and pulled himself closer again. “Don't push me away.”

He said it so softly, Poe’s heart made a jump. He slumped into himself, trying to cover up his face for it was all too open, too obvious for him to see. Ranpo’s skin was smooth against his as he touched his face, brushing Poe’s hands away with his own like they were nothing more than air.

Green eyes were fixed on him and Poe cringed into himself as he felt the desire to kiss him rise inside of him.

“I just saw Fukuzawa mourn his partner he lost due to time and war.”, Ranpo said with a stern voice. “I do not intent to let my own chance pass me by.”

“What does this m-?“ Poe was interrupted by Ranpo’s lips on his. His eyes went wide. Ranpo was - - - kissing him? He felt his heart surge forward; felt it jump in joy and excitement; felt it reach out to Ranpo for he alone could touch it like he did.

My heart, Poe thought, is meant to beat to the rhythm of your lips.

“Ranpo.”

Ranpo smiled into the kiss and Poe leaned back to see it in all its beauty. “Ed.”

“My heart is yours. It always has been.”

“All this time, huh?” Ranpo’s smile faded and he got an almost innocent look on his face. “I feel the same, Ed. It took me a while to realise. Maybe my detective skills are slacking.”

“You can rest now.”, Poe said, caressing his cheek with delicate fingers. He didn’t want to startle him. Didn’t want to hurt him. “It’s going to be alright.”

“Yes. I think it will indeed be okay. At least for a while.” Ranpo cuddled against his chest, his hair tickling Poe’s chin. “Thank you, Ed.”

Poe hesitated but eventually curled his arms tightly around Ranpo again. “I’m going to protect you. I will give it my all.”

“I know.” Ranpo’s voice faded and when Poe leaned down, Ranpo had his eyes closed and his breathing got steady.

Poe brushed over his hair. “Rest now. I’ll take care of you.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ah yes, a balm to my soul, let me know how you liked it :D

will be posted to ao3, but i think i'm gonna do that tomorrow (Link)

[akkivee]

hi! i have a question about something that struck me a little while ago. i think i have a little problem with the burnout towards hypmic. the thing is i really love this fandom and I don't want to leave it behind... I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A THERAPIST AND I SHOULDN'T ASK REGULAR PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN ACQUAINTED WITH TO DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS but i think you'd have some advices as someone who's been into hypmic for quite a long time

thank in advance<3

i wish i had more useful advice other than i’m too tired about everything else to even consider being burnt out by hypmic but that is kinda how it is lol 😓

but i revisit the series like, a fair amount!!! sometimes i have a point i’m thinking about and have to remind myself of the specifics which tends to have me jumping from chapter to chapter or media to media to try to remember where tf i read/saw that moment from lmao. and like 40% of the time i find something new to muse about it’s fun lol

i also don’t just stick to hypmic believe it or not lmao like bc i want to be here, i don’t fandom hop the way i do when i don’t have a fandom home but i do enjoy other series and picking apart my fav characters there, maybe not to the extent i do with kuukou lol but enough!!!! even when i wasn’t working as much and had more free time, i’d always be reading other stuff

i’m not being very useful gomen lol 🙇‍♀️

[jocelynships]

I woke up thinking about Kurt. I miss him.

Rambles under the cut bc it got longer than I meant for it to:

The truth is though, I’m very burnt out on Marvel stuff. I’m not gonna go deep into it, but it sucks that something that helped me through so much is just. Not as exciting anymore. I will say I do get a rush of excitement walking through Marvel land when I’m hanging out at IOA on my days off and it’s just nice to indulge in it again.But idk. It’s not as thrilling anymore.

the MCU having to connect every tiny little thing is a lot, and I’m just not interested in watching every single little thing from the MCU anymore. Like yeah, they all exist in the same universe that’s okay, the occasional team up would be fun, but overall? Can the different teams and everything just. Be their own thing. It’s tiring. Also the racism and ableism. It’s genuinely disgusting. And don’t pretend that it’s not a thing the MCU has a horrible habit of whitewashing characters and removing characters’ disabilities. Wanda and Pietro are some of the biggest fucking examples.

And also. Idk what the fuck to do with my S/I for Marvel. Bc I have so many differing ideas for her backstory and I legitimately don’t know what I want to go with. So that’s kind of been stopping me from making anything with the Night Roses ship or my Marvel S/I.

I had ideas for her to be a regular human, no powers or anything, move to New York to get away from her family, thinking any hero or villain would hardly pay any mind to her, until she gets swept up into it unexpectedly all because she fell in love with a cute guy at a coffee shop that just so happened to be Kurt. This would be more relatable to me and why I got so attached to the X-Men in the first place.

The other idea is that she was adopted by Reed and Susan from the Fantastic Four after her father died, works for Tony Stark, and she just knows everyone from extension of them. From a story standpoint, it makes it easier for her to just. Know a bunch of random heroes.

Then another idea I have is either backstory, but she’s a late bloomer with the X-Gene and turns out she’s a mutant too. Whatever her power set would be? Not completely sure.

But man. I’m just. I very much miss Kurt and the X-Men this morning. I wanna be excited for X-Men ‘97 but I worry it might disappoint me. I’m already bummed about the fact it’s not Liam O’Brien voicing Kurt.

Anyways, sorry for my ramble. I’ve been in a weird mindset lately. Just I know I haven’t forgotten about them.

[sparkedblaze]

DAVEY

Look y’all gotta start telling me if y’all want canon or modern 💀

Okay so idk if Davey was based of Dave Simmons but let me tell you about him anyway 🥰🥰

I think Jack’s characterization is far closer to Dave Simmons than Davey’s. The only thing they share is a name.

But I digress

So! This is Dave Simmons!

President of the Union in the first half of the strike

Accused of betraying the strike, though I personally think he may have been a victim of a whisper campaign out out by the papers

The rumor was that he and Kid Blink took a bribe to sell papes before the end of the strike.

Though they both denied the accusation, they both stepped down from their position. Dave (I believe) became treasurer instead.

There’s no actual evidence that he actually scabbed. But they decided to step down rather than hinder the strike with disloyalty.

Newsies Davey

Mom friend. This isn’t even a hc it’s just canon at this point.

This boy is burnt out before he’s even an adult 💀My poor boy is so tired all the time please give him iced coffee and therapy

Book smart. Common sense dumb. Uses big words like auspicious but knows nothing of selling or anything about Snyder (despite living in NYC and being poor enough to need to join the newsies)

Here comes my rant about autistic Davey Jacobs:

Has no filter and even less chill. Davey is very all or nothing and I love him for that.

Doesn’t get social cues. See: Jack v upset about Crutchie being arrested. Davey: “abOvE thE fOld”

Special interest: learning. Especially about art. And hawking. And pretty strike leaders

He and Les have gotten stuck in echolalia circles. They’ll echo each other for hours on end.

Has trouble lying, and approaching people in general.

End of this autistic Davey Jacobs rant bc I could literally talk forever

He values honesty so much it hurts. When Jack scabs in 92sies. One of first things David says is “You’re a liar! You lied about everything!” And the devastation on his face in Livesies. Literal chills 😭😭

Where Jack ignores orders just to prove a point, Davey doesn’t mind following orders as long as they’re reasonable. As long as they make sense. When the strike starts, Davey doesn’t quite understand. He doesn’t get the difference in ten cents for a hundred papes. It doesn’t make any difference to him. When it’s explained to him, he’s wholeheartedly for the strike. When Jack scabs, Davey once again doesn’t understand because they’ve worked so hard. And this is the one thing Jack listens to?

Anti-violence. Even in the face of starvation and freezing in the coming winter (they don’t know how long this strike will last. He has to be prepared) Davey is adamant. Do not soak the scabs.

Is always 100% done with Jack’s shit.

Is Jewish!! I’m like 98% sure this is canon, but I am certain it’s at least fanon the Jacobs are Jewish

Say something about his baby brother and he. Will. End. You.

RYAN KOPEL IS SO RIGHT THAT DAVEY GETS A LITTLE MORE FERAL EVERY DAY.

Modern:

Davey✔️

He and Jack have been friends for as long as he could remember. His family always went around to the orphanages in New York, bringing old clothes that had been collected by the people of their Synagogue.

David and Sarah had always sought out Jack when they’d get to the Refuge. Snyder always put on a front of being a kind, caring guardian when there were visitors, but Jack told Davey and Sarah about some of the horrors that they were put through.

Their parents never believed them, because Jack (having a distrust of adults for some odd reason) always told them that he was fine and he wasn’t in any danger, and so they thought their children were making it up to try and bring their friend home. When Les was born, the Jacobs took time off to get adjusted to having a new child in the house.

In college for business or marketing to make sure he knows how to do what’s best to keep them successful.

Dave in the Life: Multiple videos a week just vlogging the domestic side of his and Jack’s relationship

Been There Done That: Joint channel with Jack. Traveling, doing wild shit, usually featuring many of their friends

This concludes everything coming out of my brain about Davey Jacobs right now

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + burnt secondary (bird secondary model) (badger secondary performance)

(note to OP - this is an ask that I substantially restructured in order to answer it properly. Everything's still here, just in a different order than how it was submitted.)

hope i’m not bothering you too much, but I was curious on your input from what i could be. i’ve been pretty torn these days on my sorting, but i think i’ve finally cracked the code somewhat w the help of your acc (ESPECIALLY the sort me asks. don’t even get me started…)

i think i’m a snake (maybe even burnt??) primary and burnt-ish??? lion secondary. i’m not sure what my models are—but i do get a badger feeling.

~ SECONDARY ~

i’m not a good decision maker. i usually ask “well what do you want” when going out w someone for food, or if i’m pressured to suggest smth, i’ll say smth generic i’m feeling for. 

if the people i love, or at least the people closest to me, don’t agree w smth i chose, then i’ll be like?? okay i guess i’ll just choose what you think… like the last time i went out w my best friend, i was getting dippin dots and chose banana split, but then my friend and our other friend (who works there) were baffled and said that was the worst flavor. i was like wait fr? huh… then… what do you guys recommend… they said chocolate. i got chocolate. i don’t rlly regret it bc it ended up tasting good, and i also got their approval in a way, i suppose.

Okay. Coming out of the gate with an "I hope I'm not bothering you" and then going into "I'm not a good decision maker," and THEN describing just being extremely passive... I'm thinking burnt Secondary. It's like you're not trusting yourself to problem-solve at all. It's possible that some of this inertia and tendency to gauge what the people around you are doing is coming from a burnt Primary... but it's just all so specific, small scale and practical that I'm leaning secondary for now.

(and thank you for the really specific, low-stakes examples, they will make things easier.)

i never rlly ask for anyone’s opinion tho. it feels bothersome to them, vulnerable to me, so rarely do i confide in someone’s thoughts. if i do, it’s at first subtle, and if that doesn’t work, fine, i’ll just awkwardly straight up say it. but that’s the last resort. usually i just try to rely on myself.

This rules out being a Burnt primary. Feeling like it's wrong to ask for help, bother people, take up space... that's a Burnt Secondary. I'm not sure what's underneath the burning now. You don't like asking for help (the Badger thing), you don't like asking subtly (the Snake thing) and you don't like just straight-up saying it (the Lion thing.) And that's really what a Burnt secondary means. Problem-solving methods don't bring you joy.

this comes a lot from my mom criticizing me when i try to ask for smth. i can hardly say anything to her without it being some comment. it’s so tiring. in the end, when i do have to, i’ll ask for help—but i try not to. and yet, i feel the right to ask for help sometimes, rlly only when it’s a matter of “you didn’t teach me how to do this, how should ik?! but you think i should somehow!” which is stupid. idk how you can expect someone to just instantly know how to do smth as if coded into them as a baby.

Yeah. This is how you burn a secondary. I'm sorry. From just this description, it sounds like you might be a Prep-work Secondary (Bird or Badger) and your mom might be an In-the-Moment Secondary (Lion or Snake.)

i feel bad when don’t do something my mom is asking me to do, like chores. i don’t particularly like washing dishes, but i do it in the end bc i think “mom would want me to, i have to help her,

I think this might just be a human thing. It could easily be coming from any primary.

ik she would hate it deep inside even if she represses any sort of emotion, blah blah."

That's an interesting thing to say about your mom, that almost certainly has bearing on her sorting. I'll keep that in mind.

i think another big example is continuing my college education on behalf of my mom bc i would just feel bad to let her down. i want peace. studying and having things shoved at you to do is not peace

Okay, college is a much *bigger* thing than just dishes, and tells me a little more about you. But what it tells me is just more burnt secondary stuff. If you don't know what flavor of Dippin Dots you want, you probably don't have any strong opinions about what you want to study, and you sadly seemed to be trapped in a cycle where everything is... kind of a chore, and a grind.

whenever i’m in public, i put on a cold exterior. better that people stay away from me and don’t bother me. the less for me to deal w the better. so, i’m generally p stoic, unless i absolutely have to plaster on a fake persona. it’s so hard to do tho, definitely rarely wanna ever keep up. very few people know my warmer side.

You're sounding very Actor Bird secondary here (or at least Bird secondary model.) You've got your armor, Stoic!You who is... safe. And Fake!You, which is a (presumably more cheerful, Badgery) performance that you hate.

when it comes to family, i just don’t wanna disappoint them mostly. there are moments where i will sacrifice myself, like when my cousin comes over sometimes to watch stuff w me, even if i’m tired, or don’t feel like it, i feel the need to follow through w it so i don’t let her down. i’d end up feeling guilty if i did.

Not wanting to disappoint your family is a feeling that can come from a lot of places. But in this case, it's not even lack of boundaries, it's more just 'not worth the fight.'

it always baffles me when my badger best friend is able to constantly put on a mask when she’s forced to socialize. and she’s forced to socialize a lot bc of her family. it would drive me insane.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you have a Badger performance that you absolutely hate.

i suppose i’m also scared of forming new attachments in general. i’m scared if i’m saying anything inappropriate, if i’m not fun, if i’ll possibly lose that person ig, and yet, i can cut off relationships quick, in a non direct way.

And here it is. There's a lot of fear, in both Burnt primaries and Burnt secondaries. And what you've got going on here... seems to be a version of 'if I do not try, then I cannot fail.' If you've got a persona designed to keep people away, then you don't have to worry about not being fun enough, not saying the right thing, not having to cut off the relationship (before they cut off you?) That sounds like it really, really hurts. I'm sorry.

~ PRIMARY ~

idrk what i want myself. it’s not like i don’t want to continue getting an education—i just don’t know what to do, so it feels pointless for the time being. but if not for college, i would feel more aimless, and i’d have to deal w any unwanted consequences from not going, whether it comes from my mom or the external world.

You feel very Internal to me. The only place the external world is making an appearance is as something that you occasionally have to *deal* with. The wanting connection, but feeling like it's too unsafe to go out and get it could point to Burnt Snake primary... or this sort of "pointless" but not necessarily unpleasant could point to a Lion primary who hasn't been *inspired* by anything yet.

in general i can be influenced by my people’s agenda and follow through w it. i would feel bad if i didn’t. like selfish. at the same time, i can be a selfish person. the person i care for most besides anyone else is me. i care about me, me, me. self-preservation is the biggest part of me, i think. i think another trait of snake primary is not caring for the general public. i don’t. my biggest priorities are myself, my care, and whoever i choose to care for at the moment.i’m just not someone who can serve [people] constantly, especially random people.

Fair enough. I would argue that everyone's first priority ought to be themselves, because if you're not doing that, how can you be doing much good anywhere else? If you're not taking care of yourself, that just means someone else is going to have to show up down the line to take care of you, probably after things have gotten much worse.

That said... I'm seeing the Snake. Feeling selfish that you're not adopting your loved one's "agenda" but very much not being a Badger.

i’m used to being alone and i like being alone… i’m someone who drifts from relationships easy. i don’t think much about it. sometimes i do feel a little guilty for not talking to some of my friends much but not rlly. it’s just something that… happens.

And then you say something like THIS which honestly sounds... so Lion. Of the four primaries, Lions are easily the most comfortable being loners. And when they're in a bad place (like if they've got a very burned secondary, for example) their instinct will be to get by themselves, and spend as much time alone as possible, in order to reconnect with themselves and heal.

but i’m getting sidetracked—i can be direct if something that tickles my morals seems off. even to the people i love. if my parents do smth i don’t agree w, i legit can’t help it, i burst out.

Um. That's Lion.

it’s a bit of a bad habit and gets me into trouble. i did this a lot as a kid too. i was actually a bit nasty as a kid, i think….

this happens more often than not w my family doe. i’m not nearly as explosive w anyone else. if someone does smth that messes w my morals, i act more calm about it, although most of the time, i just don’t bother to bring my thoughts.

Yeah, because you've got a pretty burnt secondary, so you'll be boiling over inside and still not DO anything... presumably until it gets really desperate, at which point you'll lash out with anything you think will work. Which at the moment mostly seems to be Lion secondary?

i think what confuses me the most is my rebellious nature. there are times where i will listen to my parents, and then those times where i will go against their beliefs. it’s an internal fight sometimes.

It is literally a fight between your primary and your secondary. You can hear your Lion primary say "DO THIS!" But your secondary says "we can't." And then if you feel the situation is important enough, the Lion primary finds a way to whip the burnt secondary into doing something. But it hurts.

i have a bit of a “don’t care” attitude. if there’s something i want that they don’t agree w, oh well.

"Sounds like a them problem, not a me problem." Very Lion.

this tends to come from my aesthetic. i like the darker side of things, which seems weird to my mom, and she always says “people won’t think you’re normal, you shouldn’t dress this way, it’s not right” but… i don’t care about what other people think… so why should i take that into consideration? some of our arguments come from this. what people think of me is not my problem. and what she thinks… sometimes… is also not my problem. this trips me up bc it’s rlly dependent. sometimes i care about what people close to me think and sometimes i don’t. sometimes i’m assured in myself, and a LOT of the times, i’m not. 

This also sounds like a Lion primary thing to me. Lions don't care about everything equally, they'd go crazy if they did. And it can be sometimes be unpredictable and surprising just WHAT will give you that "I guess we're doing to die on this hill" Lion primary PING. But without it pushing you along... it doesn't seem like you have much to fall back on.

earlier, [Mom and I] argued on how a wife should know how to do basic chores, and well, everyone should, but my mom said it to be exclusively to a woman, and how her husband will not want her if she can’t even do smth so simple. like washing dishes. my first thought is—why does it have to be the wife? and can’t the husband clean the stupid dishes himself if he cares so much? he should know too. basic chores are important to know, but setting it exclusively to one gender is so stupid. she ended up using me as an example bc of my distaste for washing dishes, saying that my future husband would say i’m not a real woman and would leave me. and my thoughts are that, well, he can leave, if i’m ever caught w someone like that! in fact, i wouldn’t ever be searching out for someone like that ever. gross. my mom is a badger primary confirmed??? maybe that’s why a lot of her beliefs are so off putting to me…

I mean, could be. That focus on tradition and the way things "should be" can be very Badger primary. Although if she's bottling up her emotions, could be a pretty extreme model.

(and yes, obviously everyone should know how to do basic chores like washing the dishes.)

 i follow through w my skincare routine even on a time crunch and my mom wants me to hurry up. it’s just too important to me—i might try to rush a little, but it’s gonna take an apocalypse to make me give up on any part of it.

You know, it's funny. But I've figured out who you remind me of. You're Stede Bonnet, from Our Flag Means Death. Trapped in a very traditional this-is-how-things-are-done environment, and with a secondary so burned that he just goes along with everything... but his primary still does assert itself in his love of dark things (pirates) and his love of clothes.

i also do what i want when i  want. like rn, technically i COULD be doing college work, but… meh. i don’t want to. but then eventually i’ll feel pressure to do it anyways. i’m usually on time w assignments even if i start them somewhat late, bc i hate to think of the consequences i’d be dealing w if i didn’t do anything.

I mean, that's how it can be with a Burnt secondary. You don't *want* to do the thing. But eh, I'll do it I guess.

i think, if i had one argument to be made against lion primary (if it counts as one), it would be that, while i don’t mind praise, it’s not smth i’m actively thinking of or searching for. i’m just not used to it. if i get it, i’m like, oh, thanks! it’s nice, but… idk… i don’t think it’s a huge part of me if a part at all.

Lion primaries are not out here searching for praise, unless they're very exploded. At the end of the day, I don't think anyone can run entirely on approval coming in from outside yourself. Not for long, anyway.

am i interesting? it’d be cool if i was. or just a classic?

You are interesting, actually. It's unusual to have such a strong, loud primary and such a burnt secondary. It makes me think that you're going to be just fine, especially when you finish school and get out on your own. The fiery Lion primary seems pretty clear to me, and I *suspect* you might have a Prep-work secondary... but unfortunately, at the moment. Too burned to tell.

[loved2]

221122

I’ll just say this month has been heavy as fuck.

My life has been so imbalanced since my birthday (oct 29) which has been frustrating to say the least bc i was very hopeful my birthday would bring more ease and just open up more paths for me. I’ve been putting in so much work this year and i feel more stagnant than ever at this point. It feels like all that work, time and energy has been put to waste. To make it worse, i’m very burnt out atm so i can’t even work on getting this sorted out lmao. Lost everything at the beginning of this year (literally) and it’s insane how i am continuing to lose things i didn’t even think were possible :s.

Anyway i’m so tired of changing, transforming, healing. But there’s no way around it i guess. I’ve been getting so many messages from others about the heavy energy atm. I’m hoping this new moon will lighten things up for us 🤍 I’m not going to recommend to work on yourself for the rest of the year or to complete the rest of your goals/plans or whatever. Just give yourself what you need. Even if it’s sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Let’s stop figthing to feel fulfilled and going after things that will give us temporary satisfaction. Listen to your body. Be kind to yourself. Let go of those fucking people if they’re weighing too heavy on you. Stop trying to be perfect or to “fix” yourself. Stop ignoring your emotions bc you’ve got shit to do. Maybe we just need to release everything instead of constantly taking on more.

Something that keeps coming up for me this week is “the body keeps score”. It absofuckinglutely does. Let us treat our bodies with grace please. With an influx of external energies the best we can do is be strong in our mind and body. The rest will come when it needs to. Let us be present. No more fighting for the future or concerning ourself with the past. It literally doesn’t fucking matter. What are we even here for if not this exact moment.

This time last year i was at my lowest of lows (seems to be a pattern lmao). I listened to Jessie Reyez - No one’s in the room (which i’ll recommend to anyone who will listen) everyday and journaled about it. I was taking 10K steps everyday bc i was going insane lmao. Helped me lose weight which i desperately wanted gone either way so i was happy about that. I was high almost everyday which allowed me to gain so much clarity. I built such a strong sense of self and i finally felt like i knew myself again. Also helped me to start planning for 2022 which went so well bc i started early and clearly knew what i wanted. So that extremely low period ended up giving my exactly what i needed.

This time around its different. I’m sober. Substances don’t give me the clarity i seek anymore so i don’t even do it for fun. I’m too tired to go on walks. People keep messing up my schedule and i can’t really say no bc of difficult (family) circumstances. Finally made some friends then realized these girls are just not a fit for me. Work is so draining and i have creative block. Healing is so heavy and it feels like its getting worse instead of the other way around. My health is terrible eventhough i’ve taken it so serious this year and got lots of consults. Even holistic healing isn’t going well. My family treats me like a slave and also doesn’t notice i’m crying for help but when do they ever lol. There is nowhere i can escape to. Not even my mind. I’ve been praying but it seems no one is listening. I wish my mother was still alive. My meditation practice feels so empty for some reason for the past 2 months. There is a lot to fix to say the least lmao. Either way i’m still optimistic about all of this. I don’t feel like venting everytime i come on here and i hate dropping all of this heaviness here so i’ll end it with this. I miss this space so much and i think i’ll come back soon. I’m using these 30 days to get back to myself in some way. I don’t know how it’ll go. Not working is not an option atm but atleast i’m not putting any deadlines for myself for the first time this year. No routine or plan or whatever. I’m just craving some shadow work maybe eventhough i do that all year long. Maybe a different approach this time. Also discovered i have a BAD food trauma which i need to get sorted out asap. I might also have magnesium deficiency bc no way i’m this depressed and tired. Also breaking ties with anyone who needs to go as if i have any ties to break at all. Doing whatever the fuck i feel like i guess. Trying to eat well. Hoping my meditation will go back to normal. Lots of journaling. Mirror work. Crying. Maybe i’ll do some reading if i can find the time for it. Baking, cooking. I’ll be spending most of day outside like last year but with my puppy this time 🤍 I’ve tried everything so this is my last hope lmao. I’m positive. I’m wishing you all the best my angels. Happy new sag moon, may this bring the expansion we’ve been waiting for 🐚 Btw my puppy’s name is Jupiter lol and her bday is nov 25! My little baby is turning one in a few days. I am going to cry. If there has been one highlight this year, it’s certainly her.

[sankyeom]

hii belle how have you been? it has been a long time since we talked how have u been tell me everything

my life has been eventfull so life update

1 i broke up w my now ex bf

it was a long time ago tho like 2 months ago?? he liked someone else and we broke up we ended up in good terms im not mad bc its his feelings we dont control that shit yk?? so im not mad im dissapointed he didnt tell me earlier?? bc ik he had feelings for atleast a week saurr yeah

2 mental health

my mental health has been shit i got suspended from school and that really took a toll on it (people pleaser😽😽 and burnt out gifted kid) im on my last 2 weeks of school and im so fucking stressed i have a chemistry exam on wensday that im so lost on i have my astronomy final a week from now i have a project to finish for next week and a paper that is due wensday that i think i lost i cried 4 times today bc of the stressed im just so tired im exausted

3 writing

i have been more consistent w my writing i have 3 series going on rn (one im still writing) but it has been truly an escape for me and im lowkey proud of myself

4 volleyball

im now training in volleyball i have training 3 times a week its very insanely frustrating bc im so bad and it drives me insane

i think that is it?? idk but yeah how have u been pls tell me juseyo

love auri💐

hi auri my dear, it’s so good to hear from you!! 🥰

first of all, i’m so sorry to hear about the circumstances of your break up, that sounds really tough and i feel for you. hopefully, you’re doing well on this matter and realise that you are so special and wonderful. you’re stronger than i am for not being mad, i would definitely be in a different place. 💛

i REALLY get the whole burnt out gifted kid thing, it’s honestly so rough and confusing to be in school in that situation. mental health is such a hard thing especially when there’s a lot of academic pressure on you, and i hope that you will be able to find some time for yourself after your final exams and projects are over. i wish someone had told me that my worth doesn’t come from academic perfection a long time ago, and i hope that you can start to build a healthier relationship with academics in the future. you can do it, i believe in you!! 🥰🥰

remember to take lots of breaks and do something that you love to reward yourself for finishing your exams, even if you aren’t 100% happy with your results. 🦋

i’m so glad that writing has been an escape for you!! i think it’s extremely important to have hobbies and things that you do in your free time that are just for your own enjoyment. hopefully it will help a little with your mental health 🌷

i’ve been alright! my finals week just started and i have a lot on my plate, but once it’s over i’m going to have nearly a month of holidays to decompress and relax a little bit 😊🌸

i have really been lacking in the writing department recently, i’ve just been lacking a lot of inspiration and i haven’t been able to write anything because i’ve been so busy with school, tutoring, my internship, and college transfer applications. hopefully my next quarter will be less busy since i’m only taking three classes, and i think i should have more time to write and update here!

[unknwnxquantity]

I’m being called to write about this! This is about resentment

Idk if I’ll make this short or I’ll add onto it. Theres so much to talk about.

Resentment. People pleasing. I’ve done so much for other ppl. Especially in my love life. I’ve betrayed myself so much. I’m burnt out now. I’ve kept a lot of peace and held back. I’d apologize to make the other person feel better and ofc I’d validate their experience. But I feel I wouldn’t stick up for mine. Not as much as I should’ve. I feel me not sticking up for myself is partly due to feeling a lack of outrage and anger. I have a whole other entry about anger that I talk about. Maybe I’ll publish it one day. Maybe I’ll keep it in my drafts for myself. Finally being able to TAP INTO the anger after over two decades and a half of not being able to express my anger outwardly to those who deserved it, or at least transmuted in a way that expressed my boundaries and a “don’t fuck with me I’m not a fucking pushover” energy. That’s a whole other topic. I’ve been suchhhh a pushover. I’m at a place where I respectfully or disrespectfully put ppl in their place. Depends on how triggered I am. Depends on the consequences. It’s trickier in the work place. Even more tricky in a household where you paid no bills in.

Anywayssss🤪 I’m at a point where I feel so much resentment. I’ve been somewhat angry at the world even tho I know better. I’m tired of giving. I’m tired of feeling anxious and if someone’s upset my mind spirals, my *previous* anxious attachment style… I feel I’m becoming avoidant now 😔💔 would be super triggered and I’d go in circles, miles a min about, playing all these different scenarios in my head about how I could make the situation better for the other person. To alleviate (I just learned how to spell that word correctly) their sadness or anger or confusion. I’d rush to the rescue. Id drop everything I’m doing and run to them to try and help the situation. Literally run. Commute. Uber. Going in circles tryna get the perfect gift(s). be the perfect person. Birthdays anniversaries Christmas. You’re in debt now. Everyone even told you save your money! Don’t go all out! They understand money is tight. And yet now you’re resentful for what you gave THAT YOU CHOSE TO GIVE! Theres so much pressure now to get the best gift, the best diy… I’d give and give, and people please. I was used to being selfish when I was younger in terms of taking gifts/food/etc and not giving back, that now being an adult I try to overly compensate. But when you think about it, people pleasing is selfish. It’s self serving to you, to make YOU feel better about the situation. Sometimes it’s okay for ppl to be upset with you. For them to not have the answer. You don’t have to work your brain into overdrive! It’s a nice gesture but at the end of the day, it roots back to selfish reasons to alleviate YOUR OWN discomfort. Crazyyyyyy. Then you set an expectation from those around you to keep picking up their pieces. Until you have nothing left to give. It can take you years, decades to reach a breaking point. It could be a dramatic breaking point, or a calming point of like “wait… I actually don’t have it in me to do it. I’m tapped out. I can’t do it anymore”. And then you start getting upset at other ppl… for your own behavior!!! They’re still a good person and yet why do you feel these mixed emotions toward them. Youre not as nice anymore. You start lacking empathy. You start lashing out more easily. Becoming slightly more vengeful. Yet you set yourself up for this! It’s not their fault you people pleased and betrayed your own self. It’s your fault. Now you need to pick up your own pieces and figure out… what do my boundaries even look like? It sucks…. Bc the ppl you betrayed yourself for, you start to associate them with that resentment. They didn’t really do anything technically. Sucks even more when they’re a beautiful person and they mean good. Like they’re the whole package. They have their own traumas and angers. They’re still figuring it out too. And they’re like what happened? What did I do? And then they’re like well I’m resentful too! What about me???.. They don’t deserve that. Another gray area of life. Another side journey, another phase. It passes you now, but what do you do with the people around you that you have this pent up anger toward? Do you wanna work through it bc they’re worth it, or are things just fading out gradually? What is it you need to do? Is it too late, did you reach a point of no return? Are the feelings still enough to salvage and work through? Every dynamic has a phase, endless phases.. no one really talks about that. Is this a part of the phases no one talks about in long term situations? Do you push through and hopefully you heal your resentment and can be a better person for yourself and them?How do you heal and release all these feelings? I guess that’s what I’m doing with these entries. Remember you’re doing the best you can with what you know, so be easy on yourself.. or are you really?

My break is about to be over. My minds blanking now. I’ll leave as is

Funny enough hours later, “that’s on me” by Mac miller comes up on shuffle on my playlist. And from what I talked about.. it applies. I love when a song brings a new meaning to you. So now I guess whenever I hear the song, I’ll think of this entry. And vice versa

[pearlsndrugs]

The funny part is I didn’t know I was making you numb or happy through my pain. You didn’t live long enough for mine. No one asked for an apology but the fact you’re probably waiting for me to give you one basically is beyond me. You’ll never know me, I have to be the one to yeet myself from you when you don’t want me to sometimes. I guess that means we r toast for never giving birth to u or being the host of ur escaped ass. I have always been the real life girl you knew, little big or tired. You just didn’t know me well enough to know I’m the one that made you so grown at birth, no you don’t not date neither do I but if you could just listen.. I mean I have had it with his covert them all into Christian’s again plan. Here’s the deal: Jesus Christ was hung on a cross, got his drugs taken away instead & was stoned to death. Ted bundy was held hostage paralyzed in jail (or not to him) (and everyone in Pensacola that usually doesn’t have electric chairs) until he got a burnt piece of toast and stale coffee for his “last dinner”? What does this mean? Who took him and the electric chair? Why is someone looking for his body? Can you stop trying to take other beings prey or are u just stinky????? Like you’ll never know who I love here or not.. everyone hates the right people even like just stop— unless they hate themselves! :o when u realize the fainting was real at first you get I’ve been a legend and all around since the beginning of time. No u can’t take ur mom to hell for creating a bunch of kids from me that hated you that probably had to have a fake aura and shit to talk shit. Luckily I can see them and if they’re conscience like u don’t know me. Maybe it’s me after the room is filled of energy to make sure no one gets fuckin taken. Talking about keep me here to make sure I’m not. It’s not to identify you or me; I don’t go. I make sure you and ur little friends do bc I’m a woman. I could get a man to do anything with me ur just mad to have my stalkers shitty leftover and the stalker sometimes. U don’t know the shit you’ve done to yourself trying me but I’m just going to believe you thought I was dumb. Like you didn’t even know the right answer at first & this is why I respond as you bc I know. No it’s not an every mother thing. No you could never be like me there’s no fucking reason to be you’d just kill everyone I’m sure (still).. no way rn you’re mad to not be a pedo like everyone else like lemme just say hell no & im mad u still make the world upset when u hit on me but that’s my explanation dude.. btw lemme find out I’m hiding secret gangs and all from u hoes? Lemme find out I’m a boss ass bitch and so are my lil gangster mommas !! You guys wanted us to raise our little boys & girls well I needed love so I hope this isn’t why I’ve found it but damn I’m done with the boys. Talking about be my secret lover or not or I’ll ruin everything bc ur my mom. Dude you don’t even know who has stalked who anymore— & I don’t care honestly.. not. like “Ted Bundy” wasn’t enough it’s ok he just looks like a pedophile rn too with the way he wants them to have justice—.. but I didn’t see him complain once and is glad to not be one. Lol rip. Talking mad shit when I know who the kids are and u don’t one day incase u escape.. prove it! Like she wouldn’t, admit it’s me. Admit you needed Satan after you tried to make yourself Santa. This is when no one trusted him and was glad it was their parents and loved their parents. Low and behold our other child never died over this but is hidden to not believe she’s in love with her dad. I’m sure Ted’s pissed but soundproofed lol. I’m not fucking dealing with that shit again. Imagine you never had friends or did u? Like grow up. You found a bunch of baser creepies to chill with and then lost ur mind over one of them trying to sell you your mom. Thanks. But then y’all are trying to what? Excuse me? And this is what he’s been doing to the ones you love. Just know you’ll never be more executed than the serial killer “unknown”.. some can remember but haha—