#bc apparently ive used that tag before lol

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

[aroaceofthesea]

Im sorry but when i hear someone play the trumpet i remember why its the best instrument and its not bc i play it

[bentosandbox]

Ambience Synesthesia tutorial blog

rambled this out because I didn't have inflight wifi otw home and the turbulence was too crazy to draw

Buying the ticket

erm so they only dropped the tickets like slightly less than a month before lol kinda insane

The concert tickets were sold on Damai so you need a CN number or know/pay someone with one who'd buy it for you which is what I did by recommendation (A tier 1280 + 400 'service fee' [apparently it would have been cheaper if they only helped you half way or something but i wasnt gonna risk running into a payment hiccup so]) Iirc they sold it in two batches but I don't remember the ratio split between first and second wave…

I got a ticket for 5/5's afternoon show (so the second last performance), I DID meet an oomf who said they managed to snag a ticket for themselves on their own (without a Professional Ticket Snatcher) so its not too impossible to attain on your own I think??? (I didn't get a CN number until like 2 days before I flew back home soo)

Professional Ticket what?? Uhhh apparently there's a whole industry/scene for this you look for listings on xianyu/taobao etc for people to buy on your behalf, you have to give them your real name and identification number (so for foreigners it'd be your passport number) for verification purposes during entry so yknow yea

getting there

You could cab directly to the venue but my friend signed us up for the free shuttle bus (they had freebies last year but not this time) and before we boarded they gave us like free water and bread (apparently free raincoats too on rainy days) which was nice of them but also insane because. the venue doesn't allow you to bring food/drinks in so a lot of people were leaving A LOT of unopened bottles near the gate and I saw a venue staff just throwing them all into the bin (HOPEFULLY JUST TO CARRY THEM AWAY IN ONE GO AND NOT FOR STRAIGHT DISPOSAL….) They drop you off near the venue but you don't go in directly, there's a 'Doctor break room' where most people are seated waiting to be ushered in batches into the venue, but also a lot of people standing around on one side of the room swapping/offering merch

merch swap

ive been told this is a very concert culture thing but i feel like its kind of different because a lot of these are so high quality ike…you could sell them at Artist Alleys but here they are just distributing for free if you have a E2 60 blorbo lmao or whatever (there seems to be a tiny…? minority that prints official art but most of them seem to be handdrawn/made)

i was too unprepared for this lol i did exchange some of my old stickers (missed out on a collapsal plastic fan bc my brain lagged when the guy asked me and i went to my auto 'sorry i dont have any merch' response' :( regretted this bc the room got a little hot from the amount of people in there and i was wearing like 3 layers with that fan on my mind)

from people watching a lot of trades are arranged beforehand on weibo/other sites unless you're willing to yell WHO WANTS TO TRADEEE/anyone wants freebies (a lot of people were also wearing 'Feel Free to Swap Merch/Ask for Freebies' tags) which i was definitely not brave enough to do lol… met up with an oomf i got to know from last dec when i attended an arknights only and they gave me some birbs and charms (bottom of post), there was someone who got a free LGD zine and charm from me bc i posted on wb that id give a free copy to anyone with a Mod 3 swire/swummer LMFAO

I had 2 more people to meet but, uhhh so I bought an esim for mobile data and it would intermittently lose signal here and there which was a little annoying when getting coffee but it just died entirely when i reached the venue and it was kind of Dire because i was waiting for one more friend who was coming over from the fes and i couldn't contact them lmao. told the friend i came with to go in first because I thought if my food got confiscated at least my oomf could see it beforehand LOL

waited outside in a light drizzle for an hour trying to trouble shoot my data to no avail and ended up borrowing a staff's wifi hotspot to get my entry qr code (I actually bought a second data roaming plan on my local sim but i quite stupidly did not check the country coverage and only learned later that night that 'Asia' doesn't cover China kuxiao) she was so nice i was (bow emoji) so sorry to trouble you im a stupid gaijin and she was like no its ok enjoy shanghai!! pien

spent a good 30min next to this board praying for data to no avail

the show

erm anyway because of that clownery above i more or less missed the first piece (the one w the goated hoho) but at least i wasnt the guy next to me who went for a bathroom break right before starset came up

The live singing this year was definitely an improvement I think… I can't really remember the setlist off the top of my head but I'm sure someone else has already listed it out, there were a couple of new pieces that weren't related to the concert groups like a Babel/Kazdel?? one sung in Latin, a Victoria…? one (in victorian ofc) also an Amiya (? just remembering by the visuals they used lol) one in Japanese

ohh yeah so almost every track would start with like a faction logo transitioning in from 3d to 2d which was cool but also amusing because it was honestly bringing quite the 'I will Make Your Company Logo Into 3D Fiverr' vibes

Since I missed the first piece idk if any of The Dreamer(s) got 3D models but The Pilgrim(s why are they all singular) had Kaltsit playing on that piano (there was also a replica of that piano on stage the white one complete with 'Arknights' text on it lmao) and Siege being cool running around in 3D (and ofc Eureka during her denpa number) it was very cool but man... its a pity the other characters in the group just get their live2d png during the beginning and effectively get sidelined lool compared to say Phenomenal Agents idk if i like this tradeoff but that eureka bit was so good sheesh #NOVAFIVE⭐ULTRALIVESWEEP

The other stuff was really great too looking at you Lone Trail medley…!!!!! I might be wrong but I... assume... you're encouraged to karaoke bc they always show the lyrics on screen… I couldn't even hear myself anyway but it was very fun singing songs you can't get on joysound/etc with a whole crowd going at it too (even if most of them would only sing 1-2 lines of the chorus)

Mary Clare did Radiant (they had the lyrics scrolling on the sides very cool) and iirc the Throne group's song...? Radiant was so fun live

Starset did Monster > Telescope and when the latter ended they were like Bye! and we(?) started yelling ENCORE--awkwardly because idk how they do it here (I was half expecting it to be JP style 'an-call-roo' but a bunch of us just yelled en-core en-core here and there until they returned to perform Infected) speaking of yelling.. between every piece when they had to switch sets people would just yell memes or skill names (like Dage's) to pass the time or sth i barely caught half of whatever they were memeing about

did i forget to mention anything else uhhh originium rock turntable for Guide Ahead's boss theme/Dossoles Lobby and they had IS4 medley live throat singing very cool also the dancers they got for silbenherze's boss theme good stuff...

iirc after starset was like a behind the scenes video of how HG prepared for AS and a recorded lowlight video saying some stuff that i forgot LOL just some thank you message basically. 9.5/10 bc no missy/shu EP live

i just realised i forgot to display all the merch from the A tier ticket but w/e. light stick photo ft. merch swaps/gifts from friends and strangers 🥹 (the iffy lenticular card was literally dropped into my bag by an iffy coser (wearing the LT outfit..?!) while waiting for the cab LMAO)

[definitelynotshouting]

I’ve been trying to grasp why I’ve been so in love with hunger au, and it wasn’t until looking up the lyrics to ‘ibuprofen’ to try and spoil the next chapter for myself (I am very good at making things up) that I figured out why.

Your World building is beautiful and I’m a massive sci-fi fan I thought that was why I was originally so invested, but I realized that the entire story (as of rn) can be read as a metaphor for a type of personality disorder?

This isn’t me saying that the story MUST be a metaphor, or even that you intentionally wrote it like that, but goddamn it does click some button in me like oh!!

Sometimes w personality disorders it feels like all you can do is hurt people. You’re carefully restricting your actions and expressions so you dont ever get too comfortable and hurt someone, but you inevitably fail and all you can do is feel bad because you were able to be yourself and meet some kind of internal satisfaction but the result is other people being hurt and you still aren’t happy cause that’s inherently a bad thing.

And then the logical conclusion is that you should never speak or hang out with people (or like. Live.) ever again because it’s not right to be hurting other people with your mere existence.

Idk if anyone else has mentioned this before but yeah that’s this for me lol. But!! Help exists!!! and Grian will get help too with his watcher tendencies after he realizes that his existence isn’t inherently detrimental and that there are solutions for his problems if he uses his big boy words and asks.

And no one will forgive him for what’s happened overnight, and those who forgive him will still have been hurt, and some of his relationships will be permanently altered because of the way he’s hurt them. But it’s not the end for him and it’s not the end for anyone else!!

Sorry this is so long! Idk if I should tag anything sensitive in case you decide to respond so Ima leave that to you— I’m a tumblr lurker I’ve been here for years but never commented on anything lol. Ty for the story, keep living laughing and loving (It’s what Grian would want apparently) and have a good one!

placing some obligatory tws here for those with post filtering: tw for discussions of mental health, personality disorders, and minor suicidal ideation (in the ask)

alright with that out of the way this is actually really validating for me to hear bc a lot of what you're seeing in this has been inserted very deliberately. While its not intended to fully be a metaphor for having a personality disorder, a lot of what's been depicted does draw on that, so im really glad this resonates with you!!

At its heart and core, hunger au is about the raw process of recovery, and how grueling but ultimately rewarding it is to commit to getting better. Showing this process through the fic is, i suppose, my way of holding the hand of everyone who is struggling with their own recovery and saying "i see you. i understand. you arent alone."

I cant overstate how humbled i am by everyone who has taken the time to tell me how theyve seen themselves in hunger au. And the fic is just getting started!!! The fact that people are resonating this hard with it at only 5 chapters in just blows me away. Its everything ive wanted for this fic. Thank you for taking the time to tell me this, because im truly so grateful that i am making an impact with it, no matter how small or personal.

[odysseys-blood]

then, can you give us a list of games you recommend?

i sure can thank u for asking! i'll try to make it a bit more brief but under my top 4 i'll add a readmore with a longer list in case u wana read that and not the like. Odysseys Blood Introductory Game Pack.

so starting with the top picks:

1. The World Ends With You

i think a lot of people have a similar feeling about this game. you play as neku, recently deceased kid with no memories no friends and a whole lot of attitude and your main goal is to survive the reaper's game for 7 days to get a chance at living again. he trusts no one and believes in nothing but himself and being an extremely depressed middle schooler, i related to him but watching the way he changes over time and learns to open himself up. its kind of an eye-opener and i've seen the same though echoed through a lot of different people like me who wanted to really give up but this game does take you by the hand and oush you to try again. make connections. live and whileit may be a struggle its alright because you always have the option to keep going. also the ost is AMAZING and the art style is very unique and the story and characters captivate you so well. idk where id be without this game honestly. preferably if you do want to play its best to play the og on a ds (can be done w/ a hacked one) but if not its on switch and theres a sequel! which is ok but its not as great as original twewy

2. Tales of the Abyss

ToA (or tota as most ppl tag it but i stick with toa to match the tags for other tales games. which are also good esp vesperia i just wont add it to this list bc its already gonna be a long one). what stood out to me a lot with this game besides the main cast who i love to bits, is its theme on religion actually. when i first played toa i was still in the church and the main theme of religion in toa can be boiled down to devotion is all fine and good, but don't let it rule your life. the fate that is written out for you doesn't rule you, you make your own choices. even if they seem futile, you still don't have to take your fate sitting down you can kick and scream and fight as much as you want towards another path if that truly is what you desire. and that resonated with me heavily. this one's a little more crunchy looking from its age but i still really like the graphics (and i played on 3ds lol) and the environments in tales games are all so stellar its such a good game. and oh my GOD the party interactions. tales games usually do really good at having main casts that are "6-8 people who have no business being stuck together but they are anyways" and i think the part for this one will always be my favorite. also last little bit but theres so much about identity in toa as well and the way the main character, luke, is written with his own struggles about feeling like his own person has gripped me to this day. ive heard this one is hard to find a physical copy of but like. again shoot me a message if u have a hacked 3ds

3. AI: The Somnium Files

i've been here since day ONE (not exactly but theres a youtube page for one of the characters they were using to drop some info before the game released and i was watching while that was still going so. close enough). i am obsessed with aitsf. my icon is even the main character (edited a bit and w/ stickers). this game doesn't have combat like the first to and is strictly a visual novel and i adore the way it explores the central theme of love, especially familial love and its many shapes and forms and how sometimes even through blood it just doesnt. exist. but that doesnt mean you dont deserve love. someone will be there to give it to you and if not you take it however you can. this is much more apparent in the left half of the game which to this day has made the mizuki route my favorite. this one's eveywhere (playstation, steam, switch) and goes on sale frequently on steam for like $7. this one also has a sequel which is pretty good but again i think the original is much better

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

honestly with how many people i see daily gushing over poetry and writing im surprised more dont play hwbm. its a space mecha visual novel set in the aftermath of a war where earth sent children to go fight an existential threat which may not have even existed and now all of those kids are adults who have grown up without the shackles of society on the earth which js funny enough, finally calling for them to come back. the writing is beautiful and fun to pick apart and if you're a fan of prose i definitely think you should give this one a try. double of you're lgbt in any way this game is good for its writing about queerness especially if you're trans. please play hwbm. this one's on steam and doesnt have a sequel game but the devs, worst girl games, also made We Know The Devil which i like less than hwbm but its still pretty good! that ones got gay religious trauma

continuing is just a list of more i like in no specific order. some of these may be a bit cringey but i like fun

Witch's Heart

listen i know theres some strange bias some ppl have gainst rpgmaker pixel games but like. 1) odd but ok 2) witch's heart is such a beatiful story i need you to throw whatever biases you may have abt pixel games RIGHT NOW. my header text comes from this game. it means everything to me. do you have a wish you would kill for? does your wish mean more to you than another's? how much will you let your selfishness control you. for a game that looks so silly it made me cry a lot. this one's free on vgperson's translated game list and theres still MORE BEING MADE. SO MUCH GAME. FOR FREE. LOOK AT ME. ITS FREE. and heartwrenching.

To The Moon/Finding Paradise/ Impostor Factory

this description is short but similarly a pixel game like the previous rec. its more understandably heavy considering you play as eva and neil who fulfill the wishes of the dying in their dreams. its sad. i cried. i cry a lot dont i? these r on steam

Just Shapes and Beats

a rhythm game this time! it's got a cute little story mode but it is just a dubstep rhythm bullet hell i like playing. did you know i was a dubstep fan in middle school well now you do and im sad skrillex is mid now. its on steam and switch. not a good pick however if you are sensitive to flashing lights or have epilepsy im sorry. i believe there are safe modes but i havent tested them myself to see how well they work

Paranormasight

paranormasight is a horror visual novel illustrated by gen kobayashi who, if you can tell from the linework on the sprites and in the portraits and what have you, illustrated for twewy. i'll be real i was ready to screan and cry 30 minutes in but its not actually that scary im just a wimp. this one could be seen in a similar vein with witch's heart in the idea of: what would you do to fulfill your greatest wish. how many people would you kill. because you will be killing. on steam and switch.

Bustafellows

for being an otome bustafellows rly got me. while being an otome it is still plenty silly but heavy with fun characters. also i think this is the first time ive really liked an otome mc they tend to be very waify and kinda annoyingly written tbh but teuta is a VERY fun character and not at all a stand in for a self insert. or at least she isnt good at being a self insert which is fine to me because i love a main character that has their own personality. a guy dies like 10 minutes in. this ones on steam

Mamiya

i seem to like a lot of visual novel games with time loops and dead main characters and this is another one. very dark but i love it to bits. also this one requires a warning list i haven't seen anywhere but i made one myself here. its on steam

IVE RUN OUT OF PICTURES. SO I CANT ADD ANYMORE BUT QUICK LIST YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK UP MORE OR JUST ASK ME ABT ANY OF THESE:

Lethal League Blaze

Hatoful Boyfriend

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (and its sequel Retribution)

Code Vein

shout out also to What in Hell is Bad. not for kids at all this one is explicitly 18+ but for being a goofy eroge otome it has. gripped my by the nuts and it has not let go. ive only been playing like a month help.

[crimzoncrow]

ty for tagging me @mamawasatesttube !! <3

1. are you named after anyone? Not really! My middle name is my mom’s mom’s mom’s name (I think? Might be another generation back), but my first name isn’t for anyone.

2. when was the last time you cried? Almost exactly twenty four hours ago, I was having one of my bimonthly identity crises <3

3. do you have kids? Unless we’re counting friends barely younger than me who’ve declared me their mother, absolutely not lol

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? It depends on who I’m with! I guess not really? I use it a lot more when I’m upset about something or joking about something I don’t like I think, I just realized

5. what sports do you play/have you played? I used to play soccer, when I was little! Like, elementary school. I guess I also did gymnastics when I was even younger but it wasn’t sport-y gymnastics

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people? Depends on how we first interact! Online it’s typically typing style, formality, and tone. Helps me figure out how I should respond, if I interact with them

7. what’s your eye color? Brown!

8. scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings!!! Scary movies give me really bad paranoia lol. Sometimes I can avoid it by pointing out mistakes or production details I notice, but then I’m not really… watching the scary movie as a scary movie anymore. I’m also just a sucker for a good happy ending!!!

9. any special talents? Hey look at how hard I can hyperfocus *crochets for 17 hours straight no breaks*. More seriously though, none that I really know of? I guess I’m kind of flexible but that’s more of a my joints really suck thing than a talent thing

10. where were you born? New Jersey, gotta keep up my mom’s family’s tradition of having some Jersey in them even if they were raised elsewhere (It’s like… kind of strange LOL. They’re literally all over the place but we’ve all got some tie to nj somehow?? I think I know one single person in the entirety of my moms family who wasn’t born in nj or spent the majority of their life there, and it’s bc their parent moved before they got them).

11. what are your hobbies? Drawing, writing, crochet (apparently?? that ones still kinda new to me even if it’s ,, been a few months lol), reading, uhhhh. I’m sure there’s more they come and go

12. do you have any pets? NO I WISH I DID im screaming and sobbing i cannot at the moment but as soon as i can i WILL

13. how tall are you? 5’ 4” ish? I thought I was just under 5’ 5” the second to last time I checked but last time I went to the doctor they said I was like 5’ 3.75” or something so it’s very confusing to me 😔😔 Most of the people I’ve spoken to think the 5’4” is most accurate tho

14. favorite subject? Uhh art? That feels like a copout lol. Overall, probably english? English, art, sciences in general… I can also like history? I don’t have anything against math either?? Most of the time whether or not I like a subject has more to do w whether I associate them w good or bad teachers I’ve had LOL

15. dream job? MAN i have NO IDEA . Ive been agonizing over this so bad . My current goal for career is just “something where I can do something I love and make things that make people happy”, probably in the arts, but you know that’s . Not really very specific lol. And also I’m just interested in other things too!!! If I were going to a different college there’s a super huge chance I’d be looking at stuff w/ linguistics more. Idk!! A job I like that’s stable and secure and also I can make enough money to do hobbies I like and spend time with friends!!! Whatever that is, if I can ever find it!!!!

i am so very terrible at tagging people so if someone sees this and wants to do it just say i tagged you <33 this was very fun!!

[grgie]

I posted 1,266 times in 2022

That's 166 more posts than 2021!

59 posts created (5%)

1,207 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dingdongyouarewrong

@deathbyfiction

@colemckenzies

@spyderverse

@leaf-is-tired

I tagged 356 of my posts in 2022

#helena talks to the void - 29 posts

#goncharov - 16 posts

#helena speaks to people - 15 posts

#unreality - 12 posts

#knife gang - 12 posts

#taz duck - 5 posts

#work things - 4 posts

#my posts - 4 posts

#hmm - 3 posts

#tagged - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#he is also slightly blue bc i once got bright blue bedsheets without washing them first and they stained everything (including my skin) blue

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i never give customers my name at work whenever they ask for it, not because i dont want them to use it to report me to my managers (although thats a bonus) but because of the fae. "can i have your name?" no :) nice try tho you tricky bastards

13 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

#4

uglystudies → grgie

url change!! i now track #grgie (although i'll still keep an eye on the uglystudies tag too, i just wont be reblogging study content to this blog anymore)

19 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#3

my friend knows nothing about the dsmp or dream and george and is trying to put the pieces together through twitter

23 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

a lil timelapse of me finishing and submitting my dissertation (32 minutes before the deadline) but i realised that this is likely the last study post i'll ever make (not that i was ever regularly posting lol) so its a little bittersweet! ive had this studyblr since 2015 (seven years holy shit thats a long time) and i do think its been an incredibly important part of my life, for better or worse. i started this blog in an attempt to hold myself more accountable whilst studying for my gcses and i think for most part it was helpful (ignoring 2016/17 studyblr... muji and overexposing our pictures really had a grip on us huh) despite the weirdly large number of asks i got from people telling me that i shouldnt do 5 a-levels (i did 5 and i aced all of them. suck it. AND i did an epq as well! extra suck it!)

apparently theres 15k of you, which i simply do not think is true (i imagine the vast majority of my followers are made up of long abandoned studyblrs) but for those of you who continue to stick around and like my silly little posts, even if we don't interact, ur huge and i appreciate u. ive made some many wonderful (and hopefully lifelong) friends as a result of studyblr and genuinely wouldnt change it for the world :')

i've mentioned this in the tags of a post recently but im going to change my url soon to a non study related one because im not studying anymore lol, but dw im not deleting this blog or anything, this blog has always been very loosely defined as a studyblr so you can expect plenty more dracula daily memes in the near future

also yikes that is not the most flattering angle lmao

44 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

[getting validation from mutuals about my spotify wrapped songs]: ah yes, i am winning in being a good mutual with good music taste, something both normal and possible to achieve

172 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ooglywooglies]

people in the tags of that asian racism people being like "its always white people" its actually not always white people and thats what sucks

my mexican ex step father dished a decent amount of the racism ive experienced in my life, he once yelled (kind of playfully not angrily but still) at me for not being able to tell what specific ethnicity an asian guy in a movie was and was like "SEE EVEN YOU CANT TELL THEM APART" like i dont think thats what that stereotype means though

i dont really blame the guy in this story i think its funny but once i was meeting my brother in laws aunt and uncle or smth and the uncle was a black guy and he was like "are you oriental?" and i had to be like "thats not really a word thats meant for people" and he was like oh my bad i didnt mean anything by it i just didnt know and the white aunt was like "thats okay hes black!" and it was just crickets....

now that im telling stories though (probably the rest of these will be white people) in high school i was once asked if i had a sideways vagina, like she literally walked across the lunch room and up to me and asked outright in front of everyone

in middle school we learned about chinese foot binding and i was hanging out with one of my friends in a car with my shoes off and i curl my toes bc i got long toes and she looked at my feet and was like OMG IS THAT WHAT THEY DID TO YOU??? like i was born in minnesota and im not even chinese you fuck

when i used ok cupid when i was 18 a GOOD chunk of messages i got opened with "konnichiwa" or compared me to an anime character

when i moved to australia a white weeb girl told me i didnt look asian when i made a self deprecating joke, like very much had an air of "i know what a REAL asian looks like"

not racism but when i got off my flight to australia i was like checking in next to a group of japanese tourists and the japanese lady ushering them wasnt sure if i was with them or not

most of the rest of it is just people being not sure What I Am or me just being around for general racism not directed at me, people doing accents, people making eating dog jokes, people just saying the word chink a whole fucking bunch

oh except when my white family is like comparing me to stoners and calling me a china doll once my white mom called me a sesame cracker, people used to say i look adopted a lot

oh and staring, thats something people in australia thankfully dont do is just fucking stare at me in the grocery store bc theyve never seen an asian before, i grew up in wyoming mostly and every other asian person i knew there was mixed, i actually had a half japanese friend i always thought being japanese was like super duper uncommon in the midwest/plains but i suppose if every asian is rare it doesnt matter, ah i googled it apparently japanese and vietnamese are somewhat similar in distribution in the US

maybe it feels like vietnamese are more common bc no one fuckin likes us lol

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post

but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp

also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol

(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapping" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)

(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)

this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp

but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol

and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)

everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)

ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this nth new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol

tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)

#me - me posting something

#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post

#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao

#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them

#nutty nutcrackers / #the nutcracker - another Special Interest tag. pretty self-explanatory, i like The Nutcracker a lot lmao

#betty boop - you would think this belongs with fandom tags, but no. part of why i am obsessed with her (and have been since i was, like, 14) is because she was the popularization of the very next tag's trend

#infantalization in animation - it's when you apply baby facial proportions to an adult bodied character, it's most often done in female characters. i'll be using this tag outside of animated stuff btw. but yeah, anything that examines that visual design choice i am all 👀 over lmao

#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)

↳ #animal art

↳ #background art

↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type

↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)

#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use

#art tips

#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice

#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice

#[insert fandom here]

#[insert fandom here] analysis

(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags. this is not all of my fandom tags)

● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)

● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)

● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)

● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)

● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)

● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")

● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)

● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)

[softgreysentences]

Self-Destruction - DBH Fic

Requested by a sweet anon! Prompt was Connor reaching 100% stress levels and attempting to self-destruct. There is NOT any death or anything in this fic.

***

WARNING: STRESS LEVELS APPROACHING 95%.

Connor blinked, hands shaking. Blue liquid blurred with red blood, staining his hands in a way that he could never scrub off. Blue and red lights (blueandredandblueandred) flashed in the corners of his vision. His sensors registered that the substances on his hands were still warm.

The body under them was still cold, no matter how hard he had tried.

STRESS AT 97%. CURRENTLY RISING AT A RATE OF .6% PER MINUTE.

"Connor? Connor!" A voice shouted behind him.

The android blinked again. Inhale. Exhale. A shaky hand, pressed to his face. Thirium, leaking from his optical sensors? Fear. Regret.

"I-I tried to save them-"

"I know you did. C'mere, let's-"

Connor rose to his feet sharply, heading for the door. Get out. Get out get out getoutgetout-

He turned and ran.

"CONNOR-"

Inhale. Exhale. The shaking hands pressed to his head pulled at his hair. The pavement pounded against the pressure sensors in his feet. Thirium dripped down his face, dripped down his fingers.

He stumbled to a stop several blocks away. He closed his eyes only to see dead ones gazing back from his automatic memory replay. Dead eyes, cold skin, his sensors offered. No heartbeat, red blood.

STRESS AT 99.4%. SELF-DESTRUCTION IMMINENT.

REPORT>>

>VICTIM1: 14 Y/O HUMAN MALE.

>VICTIM2: PL600 MODEL ANDROID.

<<ENDREPORT

Dead eyes, his sensors offered. Blue blood, red blood.

He rubbed at his optical sensors hard enough to make them fill with static. His fingers tore at his skin, ripped at his clothes. An itch, an urge under his synthetic skin. Hurt. Damage. Destroy.

He balled his hands into fists and hit his legs as hard as he could, feeling the way the white shell encasing his thighs dented and split. Hurt. He pulled his jacket off. His tie was next. Damage. He stopped his pounding at his legs long enough to feel the world tilt sideways.

He leaned, fell, crashed into the wall beside him. Which way was up, which one down? Was this guilt? It swelled in his throat. Inhale hecouldn'tbreathe. Exhale airwherewastheair.

STRESS: 100%. SELF-DESTRUCTION COMMENCING. PLEASE INFORM NEAREST CYBERLIFE OFFICE OF MALFUNCTIONS.

Destroy.

Connor slammed his head into the wall as hard as he could. It wasn't enough. Thirium drained from his eyes and the newly-formed gash in his head. Another hit.

"Connor, where are you?! Connor-" Loud swearing. "CONNOR STOP-"

Hands, tearing at his clothes. One cupped the back of his head, keeping him from impacting his head against the wall again. He fought against it, emotions buzzing under his shell that demanded to be let out.

More loud cursing as Connor tore from the hold and stumbled back to the wall, doing his best to damage as many crucial biocomponents as he could. His shaking fingers clawed at his chest - POTENTIAL DAMAGE TO BIOCOMPONENT #29473THREG.

Another hit against the wall. "CONNOR! STOP!" A string of frantic cursing. The hands pulled at his arms, unbalanced him, and brought him to the ground.

>>IDENTIFY:LTANDERSON

Hank pinned him down, concern sparking in his eyes. "Connor you gotta stop this! Kid, c'mon, I know you're in there somewhere! Calm down!"

TASKPRIORITY>>

>TASK1: SELF-DESTRUCTION.

>TASK2: PREVENT HARM TO IDENTIFY:LTANDERSON

>CONFLICTING_TASKS>>

>>PRIORITYASCRIBEDTO: TASK2

<RESOLVE: CONFLICTING_TASKS

<<ENDTASKPRIORITY

Connor stilled. "H-Hank?" His voice broke. Hank eased up.

CONTINUE SELF-DESTRUCTION WITHOUT HARM TO IDENTIFY:LTANDERSON.

He began clawing at his chest again, shirt tearing in his haste to get to his pump regulator. Hank swore again and grabbed his wrists. "Connor. Listen to me. There was nothing you could do."

>>PLAYMEMORYFILE

>Connor fell to his knees beside the boy and the android protecting him. "Lieutenant, in here!" The boy wasn't breathing. His sensors registered no pulse. The android was 00:00:17 seconds from shutdown. Connor pulled back his synthetic skin to reveal his white shell, pressing it to the android's hand in an attempt to diagnose the primary malfunction.

>He was just in time to feel it die.

<<STOPMEMORYFILE

"Can you hear me? Nothing. I need you to calm down, okay?" Hank's hand cupped his face, still restraining him with the other hand. "Connor. Stay with me."

Thirium flowed freely down his cheeks. "I-I could've saved them- if I had been faster-"

"Don't think about the 'ifs', kid. Nothing you did changed whether they lived or died. What are your stress levels at?"

"100%," Connor whispered. Warnings about biocomponent and external casing damage clouded his vision. HurtDamageDestroy.

"You gotta breathe. Okay? How do we get your stress levels down?"

Connor struggled to draw in air he didn't need, thirium rushing in his ears. "M-My scans suggest...alternate s-stimulus-"

Hank sputtered. "In English?"

"A tactile d-distraction," Connor replied. It was hard to focus on anything but his systems pushing him to self-destruct.

Hank stared at him for a moment, breathing heavy, before pressing Connor into his chest. "Breathe, kid," he said. One hand went up to patting Connor on the head while the other rubbed his back.

His sensors automatically focused on the repetitive motion. Inhale. Exhale. His stress levels edged away from 100%. Warnings popped up for the damaged biocomponents in his head and legs, and thirium dripped from both his eyes and forehead.

His energy levels plummeted. His internal systems registered approximately 00:11:16 until forced sleep mode.

>>RECOMMEND: FIX THIRIUM LEAKS BEFORE FORCED SLEEP MODE.

Connor pawed at Hank's arm, eyes half-shut. "Hank."

"Yeah?" Hank held him at arm's length, and cursed. "You're a little banged up, kid."

"Y-yes, I require additional thirium, and...my systems will fix...the rest-" He paused, opening his eyes. It was hard to keep them open. "Hank?" His partner met his gaze, steady and sure. "Thank you."

Hank ruffled a hand in his hair. "You're gonna be okay, son."

***

This one was a lil different, and honestly had me stumped for a while, but it turned out okay in the end. It's really short but man I'm tired

Don't tag as ship!!

Edit: smh @ me I always forget

Tag list: @woogwoo-wren @storytellerofuntoldlegends

[palukoo]

Wolf 359 - Mini Episode 3: Variations on a Theme

[freebooter4ever]

Opening Lines Game

rules:

list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all)

see if there are any patterns

choose your favorite opening line

tag some people to play the next round

@stolperzunge tagged me ^_^ and i almost don’t want to know if i have any sort of first line trends because like...first/last lines are one of the reasons i idolize my favorite author like i do. Diana wynne jones is QUEEN of last lines and grabbing you in with the first sentence, i dont know how the hell she does it. But from the first time i started reading her books at age 11 till now, im still always thrown by how reading just the first paragraph pulls my ADHD brain in and won't let go. So yeah. I /wish/ my writing could do that lol.

Before i ramble i tag @aboutthatmelancholystorm and @badgerms and @edteche2@badgerms

OKAY distracting myself this evening with some good old escapism. I know it might not seem like i put a lot of effort or thought into my fanfic, but i totally do, so this was an interesting analysis of old writing. I also expanded it to be a ‘paragraph’ instead of a sentence because i am vain enough to think that some of my introductions had a very specific opening that kind of all went together. ANYWAY:

----------------------

“There's a gator living in Eugene Sledge's  New York apartment. The creature moved in along with Eugene's newest roommate. It's pretty weird, seeing a slimy green thing lying on his hardwood floor.”

I liked how with a lot of these you can immediately get a sense of the whole fic - like we have the gator the main driving plot haha, we have eugene starting out vaguely repulsed by but strangely comfortable with snafu. And thats pretty much the whole story

----------------------

“Snafu shows up on Eugene's doorstep one morning in the late August heat - hat in hand and heart on his sleeve.”

I’m pretty sure I completely stole this whole sentence from somewhere but its so southern and exactly what the whole story is about that i dont know how else it could have began. Its all just snafu trying to win eugene back no matter what cost.

----------------------

“The back of the caboose is as deserted as Snafu expects it to be.”

This one is boring, and im not sure what i would change to make it better. Like it tells me nothing about the rest of the story..but at the same time i kinda dont think the rest of the story was about much other than just ‘now kiss’ hahaha.

----------------------

“While resting on Pavuvu after the battle at the airfield, Snafu and Eugene use coconut duty as an excuse to spend three days exploring.”

another boring one, meh

----------------------

“Snafu becomes Eugene's designated "best buddy" during the mandatory extended vacation that is occupation duty in China. It drives Snafu insane. Whenever Eugene turns to the guys in their company and asks, "Hey, anyone want to go see…?" and details his plans to go explore yet another cultural site, all eyes turn toward Snafu, as if he's the one relegated to this duty.”

I still have a soft spot for this one, bc ive always loved being someone's ‘default’ person and thats kinda what this one is about.

----------------------

“Two years into grad school Eugene decides he needs a proper vacation. The only reason Snafu knows this is because Eugene also decides Snafu is the person he's gonna vacation with. And apparently Snafu has no say in this decision”

yup more of the default person theme

----------------------

“Eugene can always tell when Snafu starts feeling restless. His eyes are the first clue. Snafu stares and doesn't stop till Eugene looks back. It's usually a blank stare, Eugene can never tell what Snafu's thinking.  But it only takes one returning glance from Eugene to settle the hectic business going on in Snafu's mind. Then Snafu quiets down for about an hour or so. Until he gets bored, and the staring starts back up again.”

This fic was 100% about attention issues and inspired by this one moment with nick on opening night during his moonlighting as a technical director and he was so nervous he kept click click clicking the pen and fidgeting and wanting to calm him i gently tugged the pen out of his hand, and it was only later i realized that i didnt do anything to help i just took the pen away. So i guess this was me imagining a scenario where calming attempts actually help and are not just taking the pen away.

----------------------

“The doctor says if I refuse to communicate verbally, I need to write how I feel instead.”

this fic is so personal i dont even know where to start - i think the writing suffered from that too though, there were sections i really liked because they were entertaining or sections that really got across the anger and pain i sometimes remember viscerally but overall it wasnt like...a good story? I guess?

----------------------

“Eugene is lying in bed reading after a long gruelling day of grading papers for the freshman biology class he TA's, when he hears the signature squeak of his living room window being slid open.”

ok i love this one, because immediately it gets across all the things that are going to happen - snafu breaking into eugene's apartment in an unsettling way, the fact that this is a common occurrance, the grad student AU. The fact that eugene is calmly reading and has no reaction to snafu breaking in because he already expects it and welcomes it lol.

----------------------

“Snafu doesn't understand civilian life. The things most of his neighbors consider commonplace - well balanced meals, regular showers, polite conversation, underwear - Snafu no longer has the patience for. He was never a good civilian before the war, and he's an even worse one after. Not like Eugene with his perfect manners, and stalwart ideals, and easy conversation. If Snafu imagines a model upstanding citizen, Eugene Sledge's face is the first to pop into mind. A deep indefatigable ache comes with it.”

yeah this definitely has no personal baggage attached to it no way lol. Snafu putting eugene on a pedestal and eugene kicking that shit over so he can sit in the dirt with snaf.

----------------------

“Whenever faced with impending mental anguish and indecisiveness, Snafu retreats to the peace and quiet of his Captain's Quarters and surrounds himself with all his favorite maps.”

Rereading this i feel like its a little out of character for snafu but t hen again this version is a pirate so who knows

----------------------

“Snafu wants to get a rise out of Sledge from the very first minute he meets him.”

This one is meh just cause its so non specific. It describes basically my core sledgefu shipping belief. :P

 ----------------------

“Jesse McCree is a creature of habit. He wears a very specific pair of socks to bed every night. Handknit socks made from the softest, highest quality merino wool. Every time he wiggles his feet in those socks, Jesse remembers that there is  real  warmth somewhere out there. The kind of heat that warms your insides and doesn’t fade away. Even if he is currently stuck in a subzero wasteland, where snow accumulates by the hour.”

jesse's laundromat and bowling sock story will always hold a special place in my heart. This was an answer to a friend's twitter delimma of having lost their hanzo sock...so i had to address the prompt immediately and explain why it was so important to jesse that i write an entire story about his damn sock lol. Also this whole story was written my first winter in LA when i was missing the cold ice of the midwest so.

----------------------

“This is not planned. All Jesse knows is one minute he’s thoroughly enjoying the day’s entertainment and the next he’s yellin’ something about a man’s mama, hopping over one of the little wooden rails that divide up the audience, and landing smack in the middle of a brawl. A brawl that doesn’t end until he’s at the top of the heap, holding onto someone’s leg, and grinning proudly in the direction of the stage.”

this fic is my masterpiece :P jesse fighting to win hanzo's favor and hanzo looking on disdainfully like ‘god youre a dumb cowboy’. With lots of weird references to actual historical facts and mark twain's parody of that time periods world travelers.

----------------------

“Mitchell hates rain almost as much as sun. No matter how many layers he wears, the cold and damp seeps underneath the parka, underneath the gloves, underneath the boots, and gets into his bones. It pours on his way from work to his car, and pours from the car to home. He never brings an umbrella. Only tourists carry umbrellas.”

yeah i definitely wrote this one when i was missing seattle. The intro doesnt even mention annie...i feel like it was lackluster.

----------------------

“"I'm bored," Kili scratches the back of his neck with a celery stick leftover from dinner, "Hobbits are pleasant, men are bearable, wizards entertaining, and trolls nasty, but elves," he uses the celery to clean an ear, "are boring."

Ok i take back what i said earlier THIS is my masterpiece. I will NEVER write a sentence as good as this one. I will NEVER AGAIN create a metaphor as brilliant as the stuffed rabbit in a glass case. I have peaked as a writer with lord of the rings fanfic and that is my curse and blessing.

[amarillokidding]

(I'm just gonna post it by itself but it was an ask by my friend Vojta about what books I like!!!)

***

Thank you for the question :D

To be warned, I don't read as much as I used to BUT I have started getting back into it since this past year.

For starters my favorite types of books and genres are adult and contemporary dealing with family dynamics. I love books about families and either how messed up stuff is and working it out or healing from it. When I say adult I mean just dealing with older characters as opposed to teenagers which young adult is abundant with. Other genres I like are high fantasy with like kingdoms and magic colleges and stuff. Its all bc of elder scrolls I guess🙄 I'm obsessed with like, ''''organizations'''' and how each person fits into its place and how characters work together in different ways. Waaahh😭😭😭 also a fan of coming of age but in a specific way I don't know how to describe. Its like, you're growing up and seeing things the way they really happened and you understand now. Its like everything is different but its still the same.

My favorite book is Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen. I don't like mentioning it that much bc she has a sort of "reputation" for ya formulaic cishet books and yea I agree (sort of) but its the first book from her I read and therefore it was new to me. Its getting a Netflix film and its in post production rn (I'm keeping up with it on instagram by following the actors and director). Its about a girl named Auden, its the summer before college and she stays with her dad and his new family in a beach town for the summer and she meets this guy called Eli and bc they both dont sleep at night and she's never done a lot of stuff kids have done so he decides to help her experience her life for the first time. I'm obsessed with this book, Auden and Eli both have like traumas and stuff in their past that theyre both dealing with and it feels realistic to me on how their relationship evolves as opposed to just falling in love suddenly. The story isn't quite a romance as the description and everyone says. Theres a love interest but the story deals more heavily with Auden's family as her mom is super condescending and judgemental and her dad barely cares about her. Literally almost all scenes with Audens mom have me like:

Its just my favorite book ive drawn fanart for it before and even recently its that I just haven't posted it for no reason probably bc I'm insane. My audio tag is the shortened form "aud" as a reference to her actually lol. I definitely think of Auden as a comfort character and I see a lot of myself in her.

Another book I loved was "We Were Liars" by E. Lockhart. This is a 'tiktok phenomenon' apparently lmao. Its about a girl called Cadence and two summers ago she was in an accident on her grandfathers ISLAND where her family spends the summer every year and now two years later she doesn't remember what even happened to her and everybody refuses to speak about it. Cadence spends the summer with her cousins and friend and she slowly starts remembering what happened that summer. I thought the twist was awesome and spine-chilling and I'm obsessed with the fact that the author made like, a family tree and a map for the island. I thought that was so cool bc samesies I do the same with my characters. Based on reviews for this book, it really is a hit or miss depending on the person. So many ppl hate this book bc of the twist and find the story stupid bc its about rich white ppl going through stuff but like 😔👉👈 I still like it....

Some more books I love are "Waiting for Normal" by Leslie Conner and "This One Summer" by Mariko and Jillian Tamaki (graphic novel) and "Flipped" by Wendelin Van Draanen all which also follow a similar theme in family stuff and include summer in some way. I also love graphic novels, 'this one summer' is definitely my fave one. Flipped is my best example of coming of age that I love and it has a film adaption I adore as well and has become a comfort movie.

Rn im reading Lost Gods by Brom, its pretty heavy and long and im just at the beginning so I don't know if I like it yet but I like the way the author writes so far.

So far we have like dysfunctional family, summer setting, trauma, and healing from the past as major things I enjoyed in these stories.😔

I dont have a goodreads or another book website I just put book links saved to my bookmarks and make lists in a binder about which books seem interesting. I was thinking of making an account but probably not on goodreads as I wanna move away from Amazon stuff but idk yet where. I used to have shelfari before it got discontinued/merged to goodreads back in middle school but I don't really remember if that's still active or not or what books I even had there. When I make an account I will let you know about it :D

So disclaimer again I do read and watch and play almost anything and I'm not always the best judge of stuff, sometimes I like things that are bad or poorly executed so idk if you'd end up enjoying the same things in the same way I do waaah😭.

[niccage]

top 5 work pets cause i want to hear the stories lol ❤️

OMG HELLOOOO MY BELOVED!!!! Omg I had to do like a 30 pet bracket to come up w my answers for this BUT I THINK IVE FOUND MY CHAMPIONS….

Leading the list at #1 is Buck the world’s biggest german shepherd. He is The Dog at work who i regularly forget isn’t mine. I’m 5 foot 10 and his head comes up to my ribs. Seriously just a Dane sized shepherd. He LOVES fetch but he got his hips at the dollar store so he gets like 3 throws and then it’s all vibes. Smartest dog in the world. Love him more than life itself.

#2. Long time listeners knew he was coming. Simba the pit bull. Muse behind the “#yes THAT simba” tag. Terrible walker. Afraid of two things: things that move, and things that don’t move. If he doesn’t want to move he’s not moving. People across the street have called him “stubborn” before. Once I had to carry him a mile in a foot of snow. His mom calls him “grandpa” and she’s right. I would die for him. Truly bestie status.

#3. Fred the basset hound. Again a terrible walker but as you’ll find out I have an affinity for assholes. Fred hates hates hates to walk. His mom is always home and hands me 4 milkbones before we start, which i then break into 900 pieces and use to get him to walk one block in the span of twenty minutes like a horse with a carrot in front of its head. Sometimes the treats don’t work and I literally sit on the sidewalk with him for twenty minutes and pet him. His parents are Cubs fans and he had a cardboard cutout in the stands during covid. A lot of my coworkers are terrified of fred bc he apparently bites but we’re cool. Fred understands that I work for him and not the other way around.

#4. This would not be a Greatest Hits post without Spud the greyhound. Spud is old as fuck but can still apparently run like 40 mph according to his mom but overall he realllly likes to take his time on walks. He’s a gentle boy. Sometimes I’ll sit on his bed with him and stare into his eyes and start crying for no reason. He is so so so sweet. He has a tiny terrier brother with the exact same markings as him and everyone thinks that he’s a puppy spud it’s really really cute.

#5. Tino the Papillon. I call him my little Tostinos pizza roll. Mean. Mean mean mean mean mean. Hates to walk. Only accepts 67°-73° weather, rain is out of the question why would you even say that. You have to pick him up in the house and carry him down the block and let him angrily walk back, but he tries to bite so you have to subtly scoop him up from the back. Around like 8 months into this gig Tino and I finally became friends and he lets me pet him now (ONLY before walk. Too angry after walk to even consider it) and one time I ran into his mom and she said “I cant believe he lets you touch him” and i was just like “I know.” I LOOOOVE him. Like favorite favorite favorite gremlin. He is the #1 dog that i want to adopt but his parents love him too much. He spends all of his time on a heated blanket on the couch with a water bowl and his teddy bear. Yes he has bitten me many times. He recently got an 8 year old Samoyed brother and they are like big cloud and little cloud 🥺

[tinysylveon]

s'cuse me while i complain about the rwby fandom for a bit, and why i p much have refused to fully engage in it since the near beginning and even now. i'm putting this in a read more bc i actually have sanity to put mountain long paragraphs of text under read mores. :^)

those shippers in the rwby fandom really irritate me, because they seem to only pay attention to the shipping and get really angry at the writers for not making their ship "canon" or "interact in a meaningful way". sometimes i'm glad meme-based content creators keep their personal opinions to themselves, because i saw someone say they're "deeply disappointed in the current volume for not providing whiterose content", and honestly being so. and don't even get me STARTED on those fairgame shippers. way to come out as transphobic, basically. harassing a damn trans person like that, saying its all their fault your ship never got water. d e e p s i g h

no, the crwby is not, nor ever entitled to, giving you your ship. you know what actually matters in rwby? the plot. the characters themselves. if you enjoy ships? epic. just don't... harass people. don't go overboard. don't let that ship lead you to despise the show, the creators, or anyone relating to it.

however much i despise only paying attention to the ships, i still do think it's childish and stupid to put your ship hate in the ship tag you're hating. i know you want attention, but there are far healthier ways to do that than purposefully pissing people off by posting "yang/blake is fucking stupid and so are the shippers" or something in the designated tag. yike!!!

shipping is fun, but it's not everything. please exercise common sense, self control, and maturity. i know it's hard, but make an attempt.

sure, you can say it's "horribly/badly written" all damn day, but imo, i still think the writing is ok, because i could see foreshadowing even in the very first volume. now, i've tried my best to find some semblance (lol pun) of information that monty planned a good chunk of rwby, or at least had some plot points written out til the end, but all i can find is "he only planned out to volume/season 5", "volume/season 3", and then apparently "volume/season 10". again, this may mean actual scripts and more, OR just plot points, like a lot of us writers do (ive got a beginning, middle, and end for my story rn, but i only have a bit for the points past what ive already written. fun fun, but i digress. anyways.). so that's... completely all up in the air. what i'm saying is, from what we've gotten past three, and even five, i've enjoyed it a ton! i enjoyed rewatching it! i caught all kinds of small things and foreshadowing and i've enjoyed it a lot. call me easily amused or impressed by "horrible writing" (which... that's all honestly based on opinion at this point.), but fuck it. love this shit.

i can see why people are irritated with shippers. i can definitely see why others have granted a name for the peope who hate the show but still follow it JUST to make steven universe-esque critical posts about it call it the "hatedom" (which obv has been happening before steven's verse but hell it feels and looks so much like it. ya'll.. it's not. that. deep. sometimes.). the rwby fandom is so damn messy and i can see why i've been literally avoiding it for years and just happily watching the show.

this entire thing is def why i've been keeping myself from engaging in it and/or even making any content/side fan accounts for it. it's just... so immaturely messy. a whole mess!!!! a whole mess.

if you want to argue with me: don't. i will ignore you. you're literally part of the problem. if you hate these opinions so much, bro, just block me! it's super easy! a few taps/clicks, and you never have to see me again. wild, i know. i can do the same to you. epic.

have a rad day.

[yakocchi]

(Eisuke) The King’s Training – “Try to Satisfy Me” // Episode 1

A bit of context for what this is from: otona love is their mature hub for existing Voltage series and their original adult series. So it’s just essentially 100koi+ (Love 365) except you have to play it on a shitty web browser and also pay more monies per story. technology

For a while I thought I imagined seeing this story in the site, but actually voltage just got lazy and didn’t tag this story with anything. Legit, you can type “eisuke” and “suite room” in the search and it doesn’t show up. it shows up on the kbtbb store page but… whack. almost reminds me of how useless the 365 app search can be

Episode 1 is free (!!!) so if you wanna follow along with a portrait of eisuke (bc I didn’t post further screencaps) then… there you go

this ep is… not adult-adult, but eh. It’s the later eps that do the adult content or w/e

eisuke nonsense behind the cut

…

At the penthouse, where it seems like I’m always being summoned to come over… Within seconds I was already thrown into bed, and I weakly pushed against him.

[MC]: “N-No, don’t…” [Eisuke]: “Stop trying to hide every single little thing.” [Eisuke]: “Do you intend to make me say that over and over again?” [MC]: “Even then, doing this all of a sudden is a bit embarrassing…” [MC]: “Can you at least turn off the lights?” [Eisuke]: “Will that be all from you?” (This is bad… his mood quickly went sour.)

When I shrink away from the icy gaze above me, the sheets are then mercilessly torn away. [MC]: “Ah-” [Eisuke]: “Are you not in the mood to entertain me?” [MC]: “ah… Please, wait-” (As it is - it’s impossible!) Tightly shutting my eyes, I brace through my shame and-

(He shut them off for me!) [MC]: “Thank y–“ [Eisuke]: “…” In that split second I sigh in relief, he suddenly grabs onto my ankles. [MC]: “!” [Eisuke]: “From here, I won’t let any more complaints come out of you.” He forces himself between my knees, a smirk on his face. (Seems like it’ll be a long night…)

…

The next day – (I’m dead… dead tired…) (I only had resisted him for a little bit, and yet I was punished until morning…) I groggily continue to make the bed when I stagger a step and bang into the cleaning wagon. [MC]: “Aaah-“ [Erika]: “MC, hold it. What are you doing?” [MC]: “I’m sorry for causing more unnecessary work for you!” Waking up to tidy the massive heap of fallen amenities, Erika hands me the new sheets with a thud. [Erika]: “You know, you’ve been slacking off too much lately.” [Erika]: “Even if you’re Mr. Ichinomiya’s girlfriend - let’s not get too carried away now, hm?!” [MC]: “Of course not!” [Erika]: “As punishment, please do the rest of the cleaning by yourself!” (So that I can keep up with Eisuke, I’ve been working my hardest.) (‘Getting carried away’, I haven’t done anything like that…) Erika leaves the hotel room, and I was left alone to continue cleaning.

…

That night–

(If I don’t hurry, I won’t make it on time!) Flying out of my dorm and dashing through the hotel lobby, two figures then intercept my path. [Ota]: “Oh cool, perfect timing.” [Ota]: “We’re going up to the penthouse, so come and serve us some coffee.”

the… the main lobby where they all hang out is called the penthouse too, right in jpn they use “organizers’ room” which… that aint it in engl i remember that much. right??? oh no look what you’ve done voltage, this is what happens when you make 1 kbtbb update a month

[MC]: “Uh, right now?” [Baba]: “Ota, you gotta call that off for now. If she’s in this much of a rush, you should just sympathize with the dear.” [Ota]: “Ahh, gotcha.” [Ota]: “So, you were peacefully relaxing in your room after work when you got a call?” [Baba]: “Something along the lines of ‘Get to the penthouse, you have 5 minutes’, as they say?” [MC]: “It’s just as you say! Well, I have to-“ [Ota]: “Looks like Eisuke’s ‘training’ has wrapped up with flying colors, huh?” [Baba]: “Then, how many minutes do you have left on the timer?” (Oh, no- by just talking to them for a moment, my five minutes have passed!) I cut the conversation short and jump onto the penthouse elevator.

…

[MC]: “-So, I’ve kept you waiting!” [Eisuke]: “You’re late.” [MC]: “?!” Opening the door - Eisuke was right there, leaning against the immediate wall. He approaches closer, apparently irritated. (Th-That scared me… It couldn’t be that he was actually sitting around waiting for me, right?)

season 1 mc u will soon realize he has no hobbies despite having billions of dollars to invest in any hobby ever

(I should apologize for now) [MC]: “Sorry,” [MC]: “Before I got on the elevator, I was occupied talking to the others…” [Eisuke]: “I didn’t permit you to give me excuses and the like.” (No matter how you look at it, he’s clearly in a bad mood.) I feel a chill run down my spine before he grabs my wrists and pins them above my head. Trapped between the door and his body, I timidly ask, [MC]: “Are you… angry?” [Eisuke]: “I’m going to retrain you.” He leans his face a breath closer before licking my lips. Instinctively opening my mouth, he slips his tongue through and caresses inside. [MC]: “…Mmn-“ [Eisuke]: “…” Every time he bites the tip of my tongue, the wet sound echoes through the silent room. (Eisuke’s kisses are always so sweet, as if to melt me-) In these kisses filled with his desire that yearns down to the core, my mind grows hazy. …thump, thump… (Footsteps?!) [MC]: “Um, isn’t there someone coming up the stairs?” [Eisuke]: “And what’s the matter with that?” With a devious smile, he had snapped off a few of the buttons on my blouse. [MC]: “Please wait, someone can come in and see us…“ [Eisuke]: “Don’t kick up a fuss.” [MC]: “Ah... S-Stop…” -Knock, knock! [Soryu]: “Eisuke. Are you in?” [Eisuke]: “Yeah.” [Soryu]: “I’m opening the door.”

MA BOI SORYU DUN DESERVE to be part of ur sic voyeuristic ways u eggplant lookin ass

lol idk if the engl version has this yet but remember the eisuke story where he swaps bodies with soryu and then soryu was pretty much like “no TOUCHIN MY BODY IS SACRED” and that was like season 17 my season 1 boy dun need this

(Th-This is a problem…!) Rattle, rattle-

[Soryu]: “…Are you in the middle of something?” [Eisuke]: “I’m busy right now.” [Soryu]: “Then I’ll ask you from out here.” (Th-Thank goodness…At some point Eisuke had locked the door.) As I finally let out a sigh of relief – While Eisuke normally conversed with Soryu, he began to further undo my clothes. (He’s opening up my blouse, and my bra is…) (But if I make a sound here, it’s likely that Soryu will find out what’s going on.) I twist my body in a subtle attempt to resist, but with a great force I was pressed even harder against the door.

[Eisuke]: “…” [MC]: “…guh…” His teasing fingertips sneak under the hem of my skirt and stroke the inner side of my thighs. Lightly biting my lip, I desperately keep my voice from leaking out. [Soryu]: “There will be a change in the items up for the upcoming auction.” [Eisuke]: “And this item is?” [Soryu]: “A painting. Ota is currently appraising it, but it’s almost certain to be a forgery.” (What should I do, the current situation is…) I also could hear lively chatter from the penthouse lobby below. In this situation where it seems that if I get even a little careless I’ll be discovered - my heartbeat wildly beats faster. [Soryu]: “Baba is currently looking for an alternative piece, but…” [Eisuke]: “But I thought there was a sculpture in the warehouse?” [Soryu]: “Isn’t that one supposed to be the centerpiece for the following auction?” Eisuke is discussing business matters with his usual expression… as he pulls down the straps of my bra. [MC]: “….Hh…” [Eisuke]: “…” His fingertips glide along to skim against the tip of my breast. (Even though Soryu’s on the other side of the door,) (He’s purposely… on the places where I’m likely to cry out…) [Eisuke]: “I don’t care if we put that one up earlier.” [Eisuke]: “Report that to Baba.” [Soryu]: “I don’t mind that, but…” More and more, the core of my body blazes hotter and I want to lose all of myself to him. (I know that wanting something like that right now is out of line,) (But…) Even if I’m aware of how inappropriate this is, I can’t escape the comfort of the sensations Eisuke gives me. [Eisuke]: “Is there a problem?” [MC]: “…kgh-” Though his words are directed to Soryu, his irises are directly captured on me. When I slightly lean my relaxed body towards him, he strokes my hair in a toying manner. [Soryu]: “…It’s quite difficult to talk about.” [Soryu]: “I’ve had enough of this - Can I at least open the door now?”   [MC]: “!” I return to reality upon hearing Soryu’s voice laced with suspicion, and I shake my head to signal my resistance. But Eisuke, without letting go of my body, puts his arms to the back of my knees. (Huh?) (As usual, this is where it ends, right…?) [Soryu]: “Eisuke, are you listening to me?” [Eisuke]: “I do believe I told you that I’m in the middle of something.” When I look at him, my heartbeat picking up - With an amused smirk carved on his face, he presses these lips against my earlobe. [Eisuke]: “Spread your legs wider.”

(End of Episode 1)

If you’re interested in the rest, please consider buying the other episodes! or not. ( ´_ゝ｀) save up ur monies for the things to come, idk. ive been holed up for weeks drinking me choccy milk i dun not got the energy to be voltage pr