#bc hes still v traumatized

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

Coaches General rules

- coaches are prohibited from getting close with any Wayward and from doing any special favors for a Wayward (ie. giving extra food, blankets, medicine etc.)

- coaches will do what ever is necessary to protect their fellow coaches even if that means possibly harming a Wayward your coworkers come first.

- coaches will always be on the alert for rebellion and use whatever means they feel necessary to punish a Wayward who is rebelling because a rebellion starts with one.

- the only Waywards that a coach will punish is their own. they have no authority over the discipline of Waywards from other hemisphere’s unless stated otherwise by the other coach/coaches

- the coaches will keep each other in line, if a coach finds that one of their coworkers are breaking the rules, it’s their duty to make sure they don’t do it again using whatever means necessary.

- do not let your Authority be questioned. you are the one in charge and if your authority is threatened make sure it’s understood who’s in change

So they're instructed to act as prison wardens to traumatized and abandoned children with no other adult figures in their lives. Yeah sounds about right.

This is exactly how they act in the books and its lowkey terrifying, at any given moment ELEVEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN can be whipped off to an eternal forced survival with teachers who act as prison wardens and have an insane amount of power, its so bad oml. It's as bad as the prison system here, maybe even worse in some ways. It's a wonder every Wayward hasn't just joined the Neverseen yet ngl.

[red-elric]

dave who learned imitation as a survival method....... dave getting into turntables and music mixing bc thats the one thing he can do with his bro without getting stressed out, getting into swords and ‘cool guy’ things bc when he acts like his bro and impresses him he gets hurt less, learning to act dry and emotionally disconnected from john bc john is well liked among his friends (and he likes john, too), learning to psychoanalyze by imitating rose because rose will back off if he manages to pick at one of HER sore spots for once....... dave realizing he doesnt want to be that person anymore on the meteor but not having any other method of becoming well-liked. dave imitating romcom protagonists to get karkat’s attention, becoming more and more grumpy and animated and dramatic bc of all the time he’s spent around karkat, dave’s dry humor getting more and more developed as he spends more time with rose and kanaya. dave who has a crisis (at least in another timeline) because at age sixteen he’s standing in his childhood bedroom and surrounded by interests he hasn’t pursued in years and sobbing because he doesn’t know who he is without trying to make someone like him. he doesn’t know which interests, if any, were ones he would have had if he’d grown up with a guardian that didn’t hate him, if the world hadn’t ended and if he wasn’t one of the sole survivors dedicating his childhood to creating a new universe, if he’d just been a normal kid. 

dave, age sixteen, who has no idea who he is or what he wants from life.

(https://www.homestuck.com/story/6306)

[seaweedstarshine]

—on the topic of psychotic Summers brothers, I only just caught up with six months of X-Men after stopping for six months the topic of Gabriel referring to the tags of my last X-Men post a month ago — but I was happy to see Scott's torture-induced psychosis didn't (definitively) turn out just to be that he'd calculated what others hadn't. Yes, the woman he'd accurately calculated would save him was Dr. Gregor, not Jean, but that doesn't change that he remained unsure if Jean was real (and thought she was alive) while the all-seeing Enigma knew on the contrary that Scott was delusional because Phoenix thus equally (an equivocation which casts further doubt of Scott's fiery visions ever being genuine, as Jean's dying mind had departed Scott well before Mother Righteous sacrificed Jean's dead fragmented self for Dominion, before Scott was tortured) Jean — were so utterly dead that Rachel and Hope had to cancel out death to reverse it. Yet Scott, hyper-vigilant traumatized autistic brain-damaged neurodivergent soldier that he is, seemingly accomplished all these strategic calculations while having a psychotic “break,” which is extremely in character for him—

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

[debtsunpaid]

these expressions are so 💅??? the completed klavi-jalla merger creates the cuntiest demigod alive i fear.

[rafeandonlyrafe]

kinktober: caught in public

words: 1.6k

warnings: 18+ only!, smut, topper gets traumatized bc of course he does, p in v sex, hot tub sex

you know you’re not actually in private, but this section of the yard is so quiet you wouldn’t even be able to tell that there’s a party going on. your head is rested against rafes should, hand absentmindedly stroking his thigh under the water, glad that he turned the temperature of the hot tub down so you could stay in longer.

“baby…” rafe says, tugging at your bikini top, not trying to loosen the string, but wanting to tease you.

“hm?” you pick your head up, looking at rafe with a soft smile on your face. you were both slightly buzzed, just having a couple of drinks before sneaking off to the hot tub to be alone.

“come sit on my lap, i miss you.” rafe says, making you laugh gently.

“how can you miss me, we've been together all night?” but you slot one leg over his lap, pressing your chests together as you wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“mmm, just have.” rafe says, hands rubbing up and down your back. “you smell so good.” he breathes in your hair, even as it’s tied up to avoid getting the ends wet.

you smile and turn your head to kiss at rafes neck, taking his earlobe into your mouth and giving it a little tug. rafe groans and drops his hand to your bum, feeling how little of it is covered by your swimsuit.

“there’s no one around…” rafe says, glancing behind him. “we could…” you usually would shut rafe down, you think that’s what he’s expecting, but it truly has been quiet. you can hear the crowd of the party over on the patio, but you’re around the corner of the house, and you’re not sure who even knows the hot tub is back here besides maybe topper, who is the host of the party.

“okay, but we have to be quiet.” you say, sitting back so you could look rafe in the eye, glad that the water is clear so you can look down, seeing his abs pressed together from his seated position. you bite your lip and run your hand down his torso, all the way to the band of his underwear. you rub your hand over where his cock is starting to swell, eyes flicking back up to rafes face as his jaw becomes slack, mouth dropping open but not making a sound.

“feels so good, baby.” rafe says, bringing a hand to your breast and playing with your nipple through the fabric of your swimsuit, not wanting to pull it to the side and expose you but still wanting to give you some stimulation.

“touch here.” you say, taking his hand in yours and bringing it into the warm water, right to your pussy. rafe understands what you mean by this, you don’t want to take too long or do too much foreplay since this is risky.

rafe rubs over your clit, making you let out a soft moan. when you work rafes swim shorts down his thighs to pull his cock out, you connect your lips in a kiss, hoping it will help both of you stay quiet as you begin to stroke him to full hardness.

“let me just sit on it for a second, mkay?” you tell rafe when you pull away from the kiss, knowing that without him opening you up with his fingers at first that you always need a minute. rafe nods and you tug your bikini bottoms to the side, lining yourself up with rafes cock before sinking down. 

“that feels so good, baby.” rafe praises you as you sit fully down, leaning forward and resting your forehead against rafes, eyes closing as your pussy stretches to accommodate his size. 

“just… one more second.” you say, placing your hands on rafes shoulders.

“it’s okay, take your time.” rafe says, but you feel ready so you begin to slowly move your hips up and down, slowly building up a rhythm.

“there you go.” rafe praises, grabbing your hips with his hands but letting you keep control. you continue to glance over rafes shoulder, checking to see if someone was coming. it makes you excited to think someone could walk up and find out what you’re doing, especially if that someone is one of the girls that used to flirt with rafe before you started to date him.

you begin to bounce faster now, smirking when rafes eyes drop to your tits as they bounce right at the top of the water. you giggle and lean forward to give him a quick peck on the lips before returning to your position, grinding your hips down against him.

“fuck, baby, this is gonna be quick if you keep that up.” rafe says, hands now starting to help you move as you begin to tire out.

“want you to cum anyways.” you tell rafe, giving him another kiss. you get lost in the way your lips slide over each others, moaning into his mouth as he begins to thrust his hips up to meet yours, bringing you down against him, causing the water to splash around you.

“you gotta cum first princess.” rafe says, rubbing one hand over your clit. you press your lips against his jaw to avoid moaning, having to drop your head onto his shoulder as he flicks over your sensitive skin.

“hey guys!” you pick your head up when you hear toppers voice, heading towards the hot tub with just his swim shorts on. you react quickly, reaching to turn the jets on, causing the water to stir instantly and bubbles to cloud the top of the water, disguising what is happening below the surface.

“hey top.” you say as he gets into the hot tub, sitting on the opposite side of you and rafe.

you widen your eyes once topper can’t see your face, still fully sat on rafes cock. you go to get off, but rafe stops you, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“aren’t you supposed to be hosting this party topper?” rafe asks, thumbs rubbing over your hips.

“mmm, it’s fine. needed a break for a minute anyways.” topper says, leaning his head back against the rim of the hot tub, letting the jets massage him.

you go to pull off again, not wanting to be sitting on rafes cock with topper so close. rafe lets you pull off, but when you go to sit down next to him, he pulls you back on his lap, making you sink down on his cock again, just facing topper this time.

you lean back with your back against rafes chest, hoping topper doesn’t notice your movements too much or look under the water too closely.

“rafe…” you whisper, turning your head to skim your teeth over his jaw.

“shh.” rafe says, fingers moving back to your pussy. you grip his wrist under the water but don’t pull it away, letting him rub two fingers over your clit, moving easily over your skin in the water.

“so…” topper begins, picking his head up and looking at you, which you give him a quick smile before trying to control the emotions on your face. “were you not enjoying the party?” “oh, no.” you shake your head, trying to keep your upper body still as rafe begins to push his hips up against yours, his cock sliding in and out of your pussy by only inches. “we were having fun, just decided to get away from the noise a bit, right rafe?” “right.” rafe says, but his voice sounds strained, making topper furrow his brow and look closer.

“holy shit!” topper shouts, standing up in the hot tub, spilling water over the sides from his sudden movements. “you two are fucking right now!” “what? top! no!” you laugh it off, but rafes hands come to your hips, giving you a bounce as he’s unable to sit still any longer.

“oh my god, you’re actually disgusting.” topper climbs out of the hot tub, stomping back towards the party as you begin to move faster, rafes hips snapping up into yours.

“do not fucking get cum in the hot tub!” topper yells.

“don’t worry, i always cum inside!” rafe yells back with a laugh, making you clench your pussy tightly around him in disapproval, halting movement for only a minute before his fingers rub faster against your clit, making you too desperate to stop as you start to bounce again.

“rafe!” you shout out, arching your back as you move faster. “i’m close!” “close?” rafe asks with a dark chuckle. “did getting caught turn you on that much?” “fuck, fuck, just go harder.” you beg, and rafe quickly moves, switching positions so you’re kneeling on the seat of the hot tub while he stands in the center, thrusting his hips into you, not caring who sees at this point.

“god, yes!” you shout, holding your hand over rafes that rubs your clit, keeping it in place.

“fuck, baby, i’m cumming!” rafe warns, water splashing out of the hot tub as he thrusts into you as fast as he can possibly go, moaning and bending over your body as he cums, pushing it all deep inside you. upon feeling his release, your orgasm also rolls through your body. rafe keeps moving gently as you come down from your high, sinking back into the water as he pulls out, covering your pussy up with your swimsuit and tucking himself back into his shorts.

“come here.” rafe says, opening his arms, which you quickly accept and sit on his lap, resting your head against his bicep as you curl up into him.

“i think we scarred topper for life.” you giggle, thinking about the look on his face when he realized what was happening.

“tops a big boy, he’ll get over it.”

[pedrospatch]

a safe haven l six

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: Joel opens up to you about a very traumatic loss; he makes a confession about his feelings towards you; you make a confession of your own and it leads to something more.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. fluff, infidelity, Joel and reader are having a full blown affair at this point, angst, talks of child loss (Sarah), lots of feelings come to the surface, two idiots realize they are in love. SMUT. oral sex (m receiving), size mention bc i will always be convinced our man is packing) unprotected p in v sex (wrap it up pls), reader discovers she likes praise, creampie.

word count: 8.4k

August 2024

The next two and a half weeks that had passed by had done so without major incident, but things had taken a somewhat complicated turn.

You and Joel still manage to see one another a handful of times even with the exhausting amount of hours he’s been putting into his patrol duties, though it isn’t nearly as often as either of you wanted or would have preferred. But there was no other choice.

After numerous sightings of a group of potential raiders earlier on in the month, Tommy had no choice but to assign every last competent, able bodied patrol person, including himself, to work double shifts to ensure the safety and security of Jackson. He and Joel had come across the remnants of a campsite just about fifteen miles south of the settlement and they worried the group was hiding out, planning a violent, ambush attack on the community when it was least expected. Tommy had done his absolute best to keep the word from spreading throughout the commune to avoid causing a panic, but he found himself having to fess up when people went up to him and all but furiously demanded to know the truth—the real reason behind why their loved ones were now being asked to be on the other side of wall twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.

Joel, who you’d come to learn is one of the sharpest and strongest shooters out of everybody in Jackson besides his younger brother, reluctantly took on the role of lead patrolman. He had been assigned an absurd amount of double shifts to work, including the overnight routes, making it almost impossible for you to see each other. You’d understood he had no choice but to comply, but still—that didn’t make the situation any easier to deal with. Both of you tried to make the very best of what little time you managed to get together, but it hadn’t been nearly enough. As if not being able to see Joel wasn’t agonizing enough for you, the fact that he was out on the other side of the wall scared the hell out of you. The only way to keep yourself from losing your goddamn mind was to distract yourself.

You did everything that you could to keep your mind off Joel being out there. Burying yourself deeply into your work helped for the most part.

Besides that, Joel had asked you, as a favor to him, to keep a watchful eye on Ellie in light of his absence. You’d spend most of the day with her in the stables, you would have lunch with her in the mess hall along with Dina, and in the evening, you would go home and make dinner early enough to fix an extra plate of food for her so she had a nutritious homemade meal to enjoy instead of two decades old canned ravioli. You would take it over to her place and drop it off before Luke came home from the clinic. Ellie waited until it was late in the evening and he was asleep to return the plate back to you, and the two of you would take a lengthy, late night stroll through the town, keeping each other company for a while before heading off to bed. She hadn’t seemed to be all too concerned about Joel, but then again, Ellie had known better than you did that he could take care of himself out there just fine. If anything, you spending so much time with her had been more for your benefit than hers, and you started to suspect that just like Joel had asked you to keep an eye on Ellie, he had also asked her to keep an eye on you too. After all, you had made it abundantly clear to him that you were nervous about him being out on patrol while there was a possible threat looming in the shadows.

By the time the middle of August came around, no additional traces of the group had been found—they seemed to have vanished into thin air, causing a wave of relief to sweep through the town. Tommy and Maria finally decided to ease up and end the double shift assignments, allowing every single patrolman and woman to return to their normally scheduled work rotations. Joel went back to his usual early morning and afternoon patrol hours, which meant that the both of you could resume your clandestine meetings out behind the barn underneath the stars.

“I missed you,” you say, sighing out contentedly as you lean back against him.

You and Joel are sitting out on the large, vacant patch of field behind the barn, his soft, green flannel blanket acting as a barrier between your bodies and the itchiness of the grass the animals would graze on during the day. You’re nestled in between his long legs, your back against his warm chest as the two of you share the delicious, ripe peach he’d brought along with him as a surprise for you.

“Mm, probably not as much as I was missin’ you, sweet girl,” Joel replies with a hum before taking a bite of the fruit. Noticing there’s only a couple bites of it left, he reaches his arm around and holds it out for you, his bulging bicep straining against the sleeve of his faded black t-shirt. “Here, darlin’. Want you to go on and have the rest.”

“These will be out of season in a couple of months.” Giving a sad little pout to nobody in particular, you sigh again and sink your teeth into the peach. Through a small mouthful, you realize, “Who knows when we’ll ever get peaches around here again.”

Joel’s lips meet the spot on your neck right behind your ear and you feel him grin. “S’alright with me. I’ve got my sweet, perfect little peach right here. And I’ve got her all year round.”

You playfully elbow him in his chest. After polishing off the rest of the peach, you lick off the pit and toss it out into the distance.

“Didn’t think you’d be the type to litter,” he teases.

“It’s biodegradable,” you retort with a tiny laugh as you leaned your head back against his shoulder and gaze up, admiring the stars that sprinkle the velvet night skies. “Or at least, I think it is. Come to think of it, I never paid much attention in life science when I was in FEDRA school. It was my least favorite subject.”

You gather your hair in your hand, bringing it over your shoulder to keep it out of Joel’s face. 

“Mm,” he whispers, licking his lips as his eyes fall to the delicate flesh of your exposed neck. He ghosts his mouth over your pulse point and his warm breath fans against your cool skin, prompting your eyes to flutter closed. “Just temptin’ me on purpose now, ain’t you, baby?”

“I would never do such a thing,” you object in an innocent tone, and he immediately clocks the smirk behind it. A comfortable silence falls over the both of you and while you’d normally welcome the peaceful, tranquil moment with him, tonight it feels impossible. You had gone so long without Joel over the last couple of weeks—at least, it had certainly felt long—and you realize one of things you’d missed most about him was the sound of his voice. “Ask me a question, Joel.”

“What kinda question can I ask, darlin’?”

Feeling brave, you offer, “You can ask me anything you want. No limits.”

Humming curiously to himself, he tries to think of something he hasn’t asked you before. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Really, Joel?” You snort, trying to mask your laughter as he rests his chin on your shoulder, the scruff of his beard tickling your skin as he presses his cheek against yours. “I just told you that you can ask me anything you want and that’s your question? What’s my favorite color?”

“Yeah,” he answers, simply. “I wanna know what it is.”

He turns his head, lifting it off your shoulder to brush a gentle kiss to your temple. Joel could not, for the life of him, even remember the last time he’d shared this kind of physical tenderness with anybody. Forehead kisses, holding your hand, all sorts of little tokens of affection he didn’t think he could still be capable of giving to someone came to him so naturally with you. You had brought out an entirely different side of him, one that had been buried beneath his rough exterior for well over two decades, and the part that Joel still can’t quite wrap his own head around is that you’d done it with such ease. He’d go as far as to say that you had done it without even trying.

“So?” Joel prompts you. “What is it?”

“It’s brown,” you answer. 

“Brown? Why brown?”

“Because. It’s earthy, it’s warm—and your eyes are brown,” you state, grinning to yourself as you feel his loud laugh rumble through his chest and against your back. “What about you? I mean that’s if Joel Miller even has a favorite color,” you giggle teasingly, placing a hand on one of his denim clad legs. You then add, “Actually, I’m kind of curious now. Do you have a favorite color, Joel?”

Joel hesitates, momentarily holding onto his answer.

“I do. It’s purple,” he finally responds after a brief bout of silence. “Purple’s my favorite color.”

“Purple,” you repeat after him, unable to mask the surprise in your tone. “Really?”

Joel chuckles. “What? That weird or somethin’?”

“Uh, sort of. For one, you just don’t strike me as the kind of guy who would have a favorite color in the first place—and even if you’d told me you did, I would have never in a million years guessed that it was purple,” you admit, sheepishly. You trace a small circle around his knee with your finger and curiously ask him, “Why is purple your favorite color?”

“‘Cause. That’s my daughter’s favorite color.”

You scoff playfully. “Come on, Joel. Ellie’s favorite color sure as hell isn’t purple. Her favorite color is green. But red’s a close second.”

When he speaks again, his voice is so quiet you almost don’t hear him despite being in such close proximity. 

“I ain’t talkin’ about Ellie.”

At first, it doesn’t quite register, but after a moment of processing, the pieces click together in your mind. Joel has another daughter.

Your smile vanishes and you slowly turn around between his legs to face him. Looking at him with wide, shocked eyes, you utter, “What?”

“Her name was Sarah,” he confesses, softly. 

Was. 

Your throat dries at his use of past tense.

Because you know exactly what that means. 

Opening your mouth to speak, words fail you and you close it. You suddenly remember the way he would tap dance around certain details of his first life in Texas. Whenever he would speak about his life before the outbreak, he would be cautious, careful to watch himself and his words. You’d known Joel had been keeping something from you, something he wasn’t ready to disclose to you for one reason or another—but never would you have guessed that him having a daughter would be the secret he had been hiding.

By now, you’ve turned your body around and you kneel in front of him, sitting back onto your heels. Not wanting to push him too hard or too fast, you clasp your hands together in your lap and wait silently—patiently—for him to continue when he’s ready.

“Sarah’s favorite color was purple. She’d wear it all the time. Her backpack, her school supplies, they all had to be purple or she wouldn’t use them. When she was nine years old, she begged me to paint the walls of her bedroom purple. One day, I took her to Home Depot after school to look at all the different shades.” He laughs, musing, “Didn’t know there could be so goddamn many of them. Anyhow, I told her I’d think ‘bout it. I went back to the store the next day while she was at school, bought a couple cans of the lavender shade I knew she’d like the best and by the time she got home, I had it all painted for her,” he explains, a sadness glazing over the fondness of the memory. “She loved purple. It was the color of the t-shirt she was wearin’ the last time we were together on the night of the outbreak.”

Your heart sinks. “Joel, you don’t have to tell me—”

“S’alright, peach. I wanna tell you ‘bout her,” Joel assures you, reaching out for your hand and taking it in his own. “I trust you, baby. Trust you more than enough to tell you ‘bout Sarah.”

Nodding, you lace his fingers together with your own. 

“I was never married,” he starts to say, knowing whether or not he’d also had a wife before the world ended would be a question on your mind—that’s if it wasn’t already. “I was never with Sarah’s mom. I met her in high school and we’d been friends up through senior year of college. We started to date then, but after a year, we realized we weren’t a good fit together. We broke up and a couple months later, we found out she was pregnant with Sarah. Her mom and me, well we both made an agreement to co-parent her as best as we could. Just a few months shy of our daughter’s first birthday, she realized she couldn’t handle raisin’ a child at our age. I tried real hard to convince her to stick around and keep tryin’ but I couldn’t get her to stay. She bailed out on me, but the worst part of it was that she bailed out on Sarah.”

He stops for a moment and you give his hand a gentle, but firm, encouraging squeeze.

“As if bein’ a father to a baby girl didn’t scare the shit of me, being a single father made it all feel so much scarier, y’know? I was young, in my early twenties. I was always workin’ so damn much, tryin’ to build my construction business with Tommy. Now I had this tiny little person to take care of, and I honestly didn’t know how the fuck I was gonna do it.” Joel pauses, his sixth sense detecting that your knees have started hurting from the position you’re in. He closes his legs together and pulls you to sit on his lap. “It wasn’t easy, and I probably made a lot more mistakes than I’d like to admit. But somehow, I made it work and it turned out alright. Sarah was my best friend in the whole entire world. Hell, I loved her more than fuckin’ life itself. She could be a handful, but she was perfect in every single way. She was my sweet little butterfly, my ray of sunshine on even the darkest of days.”

Swallowing harshly, you ask, “What happened to her, Joel?”

Joel sighs, resting a hand on your bare thigh. His fingers skim the scalloped hem of your floral shorts. “It was the first night of the outbreak. We were tryin’ to get out of Austin. Me, Sarah, and Tommy. We didn’t know where the hell we were gonna go or what we were gonna do, but we just needed to get far away from the city. We got separated at one point when our pickup truck got into an awful wreck. I had Sarah in my arms ‘cause she couldn’t walk. She’d broken her ankle in the crash. Tommy told me to get her to the river where she’d be safer, said he’d find his way over there to meet us.”

Your heart begins to pound. Part of you almost doesn’t want to hear how his story is going to end—because in a way, you already know how it’s going to end. But if Joel is telling you about Sarah, it’s for a reason. He’s opening up to you, the way you’ve opened up to him. He’s sharing his heartbreaking loss because he trusts you—and Joel Miller doesn’t trust anyone that’s not his family.

Draping an arm around his shoulders, your fingers toy with the curls at the nape of his neck as you anxiously wait for him to recount the event that follows next, the event that will surely shatter your heart into pieces.

“The streets were crawlin’ with infected. One caught us in its sights and chased after us. Tried to dodge it through a buildin’ but it followed us, runnin’ us out into a field just a mile from the river. I didn’t think we were gonna make it—then, a soldier came outta nowhere and shot it dead. It felt like some kinda fuckin’ miracle. I thought we were lucky. I thought we were gonna get some help.” His voice grows hoarse, thickening with emotions he’s not too sure he can hold back this time. “I couldn’t have been more wrong. He was given the order by his command to kill us both, even though we weren’t sick. I tried tellin’ him over and over we weren’t infected, but it didn’t matter. He shot at us. He grazed me in my side, but Sarah—he got her. Got her multiple times. I was foolish enough to think it hadn’t been fatal. I tried gettin’ her up, begged Tommy to help me—but it was useless. Sarah died in my arms. Took her very last breath in some field outside of Austin.”

“God,” you whisper shakily, a sharp, painful ache shooting through your chest at the thought of him cradling his daughter’s lifeless body in his arms, her purple shirt soaked in crimson. “Joel, I don’t—I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry.” Willing yourself to keep it together for his sake, you hold the back of his neck in your hand, fingers coaxing him to look up and meet your gaze.

“After that, I just didn’t see any point in carryin’ on anymore. I’d lost the most important thing in the fuckin’ world to me. I couldn’t see in the darkness now that my little ray of sunshine was gone. So, a couple nights later, I picked up my gun and tried to end my own life,” he confesses. Even though it’s been over twenty years, traces of shame still linger behind. “Put the barrel of a pistol to my temple. Told myself it was what I wanted to do and I pulled the trigger.”

Without thinking, you reach towards the scar on his right temple with your opposite hand, the one you’d noticed for the first time before he had kissed you in Ranger’s stall. You lightly brush your fingertips over the jagged, raised patch of skin. You’d wanted to ask him about it on several different occasions, but never had the courage to actually do it. Now that you know he’d gotten it from his own hand, it just makes the entire thing all that much more heart wrenching.

“M’sure you’ve guessed it by now, but I missed. I flinched and I missed. For twenty fuckin’ years, all I could do was wish I hadn’t missed. Spent a long time hatin’ myself for missin’ what should’ve been the easiest goddamn shot of my entire life. Then, Ellie came along.” Joel moves his hand, gingerly taking your chin between his thumb and index finger. “And not long after her, I met you, sweet girl. The two of you came at me outta nowhere.” He can’t help but chuckle, remembering his first encounter with Ellie, the way she had flown at him with her switchblade clutched in hand only to end up thrown against the wall. “You both came outta left fuckin’ field and brought out sides of me I thought had been dead and buried for years now. You and her, you mean more to me than I can fuckin’ explain. You’re the most important things in the world to me now.”

Your breath catches in the back of your throat at his declaration. It’s not like you didn’t know Joel cared about you. Of course you know that. But the extent to which he did had been something of a mystery, at least up until this very moment.

“I didn’t know I could feel this way ‘bout anyone again,” Joel admits. He slides his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. “Openin’ up my heart to Ellie, that was one thing. But openin’ it up to you? That’s been somethin’ else, peach. I don’t think you even realize the hold you’ve got over me and my heart. What really fuckin’ gets me is that you don’t even gotta try. All you gotta do is look at me with those eyes and give me that pretty smile of yours, and I’m fuckin’ done for. You’ve got me wrapped all the way around your little finger and then back again, baby. Y’need to know that I’d do just ‘bout fuckin’ anythin’ for you. You understand that?”

You stare at him like a deer caught in headlights.

“Joel,” you stammer his name, your nerve endings feeling like they’ve been lit on fire. “You really need to stop talking like that.”

“Why’s that?”

You don’t even think—you just blurt the words out before you can stop them.

“Because I think I’m falling in love with you.”

The tables turn and it’s now Joel who is at a complete loss for words.

Embarrassed by your own admission, you begin to ramble nervously. “Look, I know it’s ridiculous. We haven’t known each other long, but I can’t help it. And maybe it’s for the best if you know where I stand and how I feel. You still have time to back out of this—”

Still holding your chin, Joel carefully brings your face toward his, silencing you by slotting his lips to yours. He moves to cup the side of your face in his palm, forgetting about any kind of softness as he greedily licks into your mouth. He’s kissed you plenty of times before and you thought you knew all of his kisses well enough by now, but you’d been wrong. This one is different from all the rest. His lips move against yours in a possessive manner, but not the kind of possessive you’re used with Luke. No, with Joel, it isn’t a possessive stemming from control and abuse, rather, it’s out of pure need, want, and desire. Even as his mouth devours yours, there’s still a sweet, loving tenderness to it.

“Joel,” you whimper against him. “I—”

You falter, unable to say those three words. There’s something holding you back—maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s knowing that once you say them, you can’t take them back. Not that you would. But it’s a big step, and you’re not quite ready to say it, even if it is how you feel.

And he feels the same.

He deepens the embrace.

I love you.

Joel might not be ready to say it either, but he hopes the way he’s holding you and swelling your lips with his puts your mind at ease and reassures you that you’re not the only one who’s falling.

You shift yourself in his lap, moving to straddle him, your legs on either side of his thighs as your mouths remain fused to one another. He reaches and grabs for every single part of you that he can, running his hands all over you from your shoulders down to your hips, dragging lower until they’re unabashedly cupping the delicious curves of your ass. You whimper in his mouth again and the moment your lips part, his tongue takes advantage, darting inside to start the heated, unhinged dance with your own.

You clutch at his shoulders, your fingers curling around tight around fistfuls of his t-shirt in an attempt, and a very desperate one at that, to keep yourself planted on the ground. You hold on trying to keep yourself tethered to planet earth, but with the way his searing hot mouth moves with yours in perfect unison, it’s impossible. You’re free falling without a safety net, and you don’t even care. 

Seating yourself completely on his lap, you feel the bulge of his cock straining against the zipper of his jeans and the wetness pools between your thighs.

Letting go of his shirt, you reach around him and bury your fingers in his curls, lightly tipping his head back as your tongue explores his mouth like it’s the first time all over again. Joel tastes like the sweet fruit you’d shared, a strange mix when combined with the mint from his toothpaste. But there’s something else he tastes like and you’ve tasted it several times before, however even after all this time, you still can’t figure out what it could be. It tastes like Joel. That’s the only way you can think of to describe it. It just tastes like Joel and it’s addicting and you want it on your lips for the rest of your life.

After a minute, you and Joel finally force yourselves apart, your lungs and his begging for oxygen. 

“Joel,” you choke his name between heavy pants for air.

“Baby.” He’s about as breathless as you are, possibly even more. “Baby, please. I’ve gotta have you,” he pleads, hands now splayed on the small of your back. “Please. I fuckin’ need you. Or else m’gonna lose my goddamn fuckin’ mind.”

“Barn,” you rasp out, releasing your grip on his hair. 

Confused, Joel’s eyebrows knit together. “Barn?”

“Barn,” you repeat as you climb off of him.

You’re unsteady—incredibly unsteady. Knees wobbling, legs trembling and feeling like they’re seconds away from giving out underneath you. But you hold a hand out to Joel, exhaling a tiny, labored grunt as you help him up off the ground. Grabbing his blanket, you give it a shake before taking his hand in yours and leading him around to the front of the barn. Dropping his hand, you use both of yours to slide one of the double doors open an inch or two and take a peek inside to make sure the coast is clear. You then slide the door open a bit further, just wide enough for you and Joel to slip inside. 

“Wait a minute,” he chuckles as he watches you slide the door closed. “How’d y’know it would be unlocked?”

“I didn’t know it would be unlocked. I was just hoping we’d get lucky,” you admit, beckoning him for him to follow you. “Come on.”

Through various cracks and gaps and open windows, enough moonlight filters into the barn, shining a decent amount of light into the structure—enough so that it’s not pitch black and you two are left stumbling around in complete darkness.

Joel glances around. The last time he’d been inside the barn was back in June for the summer party. He remembered it having been cleaned and cleared out for the event and now, two months later, it’s packed to the rafters with countless bales of hay. In retrospect, he shouldn’t have been surprised. But as he walks, piles of loose dried grass and herbs crunch underneath his boots and he remarks, “There’s fuckin’ hay everywhere, darlin’.”

“Um, yeah. What else do you keep in a barn?” you jeer lightly, earning yourself a small scoff from him. “Hey, at least they don’t keep sheep and other livestock in here, Joel. Besides, beggars can’t be choosers, right?”

Joel snorts, masking his laughter at the thought of walking into a barn full of animals instead of an absurd amount of hay. “Yeah, guess that’s fair enough,” he concedes. “Might kill the mood if that were the case.”

You lead him over towards one of the far corners of the barn, your eyes falling to a large, almost bed sized pile of loose hay. Draping the blanket over it, you stand upright and then freeze, your body flooding with nerves once you realize what’s inevitably about to happen between you and Joel.

You hadn’t done anything with him since the night he’d pleasured you out on his front porch. Of course you wanted more, so much more, but that doesn’t make you any less nervous. You’re so much younger, hardly have any experience—you’ve only ever been with one man, and even then, it hardly counts. It’s been such a long time since you’d found sex something you wanted, something you enjoyed. Whenever Luke touches you, it makes your skin crawl, but when Joel Miller touches you?

It sets you ablaze, leaves you needing more of it. Of him.

Part of you wonders if your touch makes him feel the same. What if it doesn’t?

His arms wrap around your waist from behind and you exhale the breath you’d been holding shakily.

“What’s the matter, darlin’?” Joel murmurs softly into your hair, sensing your pensiveness. 

“I’m just really nervous,” you blurt out.

“S’okay,” he says, quietly. “M’kinda nervous too.”

You’re slightly taken aback. “Really? What are you nervous about?”

Joel rests his chin on your shoulder. “We’ve both crossed a lot of lines already, peach. But this one? S’gonna be the one we can’t come back from,” he tells you. “Might be what seals the deal between us, y’know?”

Slowly, you turn around to face him. “Yeah, I know,” you respond, peeking up at him through your eyelashes. “And I know I should care, but I don’t. It’s wrong, isn’t it?”

“S’wrong,” he agrees with a tight nod. “But I don’t care either, sweet girl.”

Before you can utter another word about it, Joel crashes his mouth onto yours. He snakes one of his arms around you and lifts the other, cupping the back of your neck as he ravages you with his lips and tongue, kissing you with such urgency, such desperation that it melts you into a whimpering mess in his arms. Your mind is hopelessly lost in a thick, cloudy haze—all you can focus on is breathing him into your lungs like he’s the air you need to stay alive. His hands fall down to the hem of your white camisole and his mouth abandons yours to pull it over your head. He discards it, tossing it over his shoulder somewhere behind him. He then pushes your shorts and underwear down your legs and you kick them off along with your shoes. You’re now standing before him completely naked.

Desperate to feel his skin against yours, you take the hem of his t-shirt and clumsily tug it over his head, eliciting a laugh from him. You throw it somewhere over his shoulder to join yours and your hands eagerly meet his warm, bare chest for the first time. Biting down on your bottom lip, your trembling fingertips brush over several bumps and rough, raised patches of skin that you know have to be his scars. He has so many, and all you want to do is kiss each and every single one of them, but Joel has other ideas. He pulls you into his arms, flush against his chest, and he holds you tightly.

More often than not, Joel feels as if you’re not real—worries that you’re just a perfect, flawless figment of his own imagination. He doesn’t know whether or not you’ve caught onto what he’s been doing, but he steals moments like these whenever he can, moments where he stands there and takes you into his arms and holds you without saying a word.

It’s his own way of reminding himself that not only are you real, but you’re real and you’re his. Joel doesn’t care about the fucking ring on your finger. He doesn’t care that you’re promised to another man. He doesn’t care that he can only hold you in secret, that he can’t walk next you down the streets of Jackson in broad daylight and hold your hand while doing so. He doesn’t get to share a roof or a bed with you and he doesn’t get to join you for dinner at the table every night—maybe this isn’t how he preferred things to be, but he just doesn’t care. 

It doesn’t matter to him.

Nothing matters to him except for one thing.

Your heart belongs to him. It bleeds with his name.

You’re his. You’re all fucking his, and only his, in all the ways that truly matter.

And he is yours. 

Joel chokes out a strained groan as you press your plush lips softly against his neck, your tongue swiping across his pulse point. You firmly suckle his flesh, hard enough to break the tiny blood vessels underneath his skin and once you’ve left your mark, you trail your lips down his neck, eliciting another strangled noise from him. You sweep them over his collarbone, then down the length of his chest, showing each scar you come across with the affection it deserves. Your teeth nip and scrape at the softness of his belly and you quickly discover that it’s one of your favorite parts of him. Lowering yourself to your knees, your nose skims over the trail of dark, coarse hair below his navel and your fingers suggestively skim the waistband of his jeans.

His eyes widen. “You ain’t gotta do that—”

“I already told you, Joel. I want to,” you assure him, your voice low, sexy, filled with a lust for him and only for him. You make yourself comfortable, a challenging feat since you’d overshot the blanket and are now kneeling directly on the itchy, dried grass. It doesn’t matter, though—you’re more than willing to deal with discomfort for him. You place a hand on his hip and peer up at him. Your eyes meet his in the milky white moonlight. “You made me feel good. Please, just let me do the same for you?”

The nod he gives you is so subtle, so quick, that you almost don’t catch it.

He’d grown tense beneath your touch. 

You can’t help but laugh softly—not at him, but at the fact that he doesn’t realize that pleasuring him isn’t a want for you, it’s a need.

Gently, you pat his hip. “Relax, honey,” you encourage him, surprised at how the pet name rolls off your tongue with such natural ease.

Your hands reach for the button of his jeans and you swiftly undo it, then tug at his zipper. You start pulling the denim down his legs. Joel helps you, kicking off his worn, black leather boots before stepping out of his jeans, kicking the article of clothing off to the side. Heart racing in anticipation, you slide his dark boxer briefs down his legs, but stop short, breath hitching the second you feast your eyes on his cock. You’ve felt him through his clothes before, knew he was well endowed, but you’re still shocked to see just how big he really is. The mere thought of his hard, thick length filling you up and stretching your cunt makes your entire body ache with need. You can’t be certain how he’ll fit, but truth be told, he could tear you in half and you would thank him for it. 

Joel draws in a quick, sharp breath when he feels your small hand wrap around his base. Just as fast as he’d breathed it in, it’s knocked back out of his lungs when your other hand joins in and you run your fingertips along the thick, prominent vein on the underside of his cock. He twitches in your hands—you’ve hardly touched him, haven’t even put your mouth on him, and he’s already teetering on the edge.

“Christ, baby. You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me, I hope y’know that,” Joel croaks, tilting his head back to look up at the rafters as he silently wills himself not to explode too soon. His hips involuntarily jerk forward as you lick his tip, collecting his leaking precome on your tongue before wrapping your soft lips around it. Another loud, ragged groan tears from the back of his throat as you take him in slowly, inch by inch, further into your warm, wet mouth. Your own moaning around him causes a vibrating sensation, making it harder for Joel to keep himself from spilling into your mouth.

“Fuck, peach,” he curses, feeling the head of his cock nudge the back of your throat. He’s more than a mouthful for you, but you accept the challenge with eagerness and take him in further, gagging around him as drool dribbles down the sides of your chin. You, the same woman who just moments ago had said she was nervous about being intimate with him—whoever that woman had been, she was long fucking gone.

Joel’s eyes flit down and he sinks his teeth hard into his lower lip. He can see your silhouette as you work him with that pretty little mouth of yours. One glance is all he can handle before he’s squeezing his eyes shut, the pressure building in his lower abdomen and already dangerously close to reaching its peak. If Joel so much as looks at you again, he’ll come down your throat, and that’s not where he’s planning on finishing tonight.

You bob your head back and forth on his cock, your eyes watering each time he slips past the back of your throat—your cheeks hollow as you suck him greedily, and you alternate between that and stroking his long, thick shaft, your tongue swirling around his head.

Without opening his eyes, Joel reaches down with his hand and cradles the back of your head in his palm. The sounds that fill the barn are nothing short of obscene. His grunts and groans mixed together with the sounds of the moans you’d release in between your wet and sloppy slurping. He forces his eyes open and bravely takes another look at you, his heart slamming painfully against his sternum as you move your head faster, chasing his release as if you’re chasing your own.

“Fuck, baby—wait, stop. Need you to stop.” Joel’s hand leaves the back of your head and he cups your jaw, gently, but firmly, forcing you to release his cock from your mouth with an audible pop. “Ain’t gonna last much longer, not if you keep on like that.”

“Isn’t that the whole point?” you ask, smirking up at him as you wipe the mixture of his precome and your saliva away from your chin with the back of your hand.

Joel leans over and takes your arms, effortlessly yanking you up to your feet. His hand dives between your thighs to get a feel—to find whether you’re ready to take him or not. He slips two fingers between your soaked folds without so much as a warning, causing you to gasp out and grip his biceps, your fingernails digging into the firm muscle. Joel withdraws his hand from your cunt, admiring the way his digits come back coated with your slick. He looks at you, his eyes locking with yours as he lifts his hand to his mouth and slowly licks his fingers clean.

That alone nearly makes you come undone, almost makes you melt into a pathetic, whimpering mess at his feet. 

“Joel,” you say his name pleadingly. “Please.”

Sliding his fingers out of his mouth, he steps forwards and curls them around your wrist. “What is it, my sweet little peach? Hm? What do you want?”

“You. I want you,” you answer. You’re quick to correct yourself. “No, I need you. I fucking need you—I need you more than anything I’ve ever needed in my life, Joel.”

Leaning down, Joel skims the tip of his nose against your cheek before bringing it down along your jawline. “Where, darlin’?” he whispers huskily, sending a shiver up your spine. “Where do you need me, baby?”

Your mouth falls open slightly unable to say it. You don’t know why you’re suddenly shy, flustered as if you just hadn’t been down on your knees gagging around his cock.

“Tell me, peach,” he coaxes you gently with another low whisper. “Tell me where you need me. Tell me where you need my cock, sweetheart. Need to hear you say it.”

“Inside me.” Blazing heat floods your face. “I need you inside of me—I need you to fuck me. Please, Joel.”

“So polite ‘bout it, too,” he remarks. “What a good girl.”

Though he says it in a teasing manner, his praise nearly makes you collapse.

“You like that,” he realizes, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “Yeah, baby? Y’like it when I call you a good girl?”

“Fuck, I—yes, I do,” you confess.

“C’mere.” Joel wraps an arm around your waist, hand splayed over your back as he lowers you down onto the blanket. He follows suit. You both let out breathy laughs at the way your naked bodies sink down into the pile of hay. Propping himself up with his arm, Joel looks down at you, his smile fading as a serious expression crosses his features. He tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, finger grazing the silkiness of your cheek. “Y’sure ‘bout this, peach? Ain’t too late to stop.”

Smiling softly, you lift a hand to the side of his face, your fingers stroking his graying beard. “I’ve never been so sure about anything, Joel,” you promise him. “If you could take a peek into my mind, you would see how bad I want this, how bad I need this—how bad I need you. I don’t want to stop.” And you don’t just mean the sex. You don’t any of this to stop—the secret, late night meetings, the stolen kisses, the illicit affair. “I’m sure about this. I’m sure about you, Joel.”

That’s all he needs to hear.

Joel reaches down between your bodies, gripping his base, pumping his throbbing cock in his fist before lining himself up at your sopping entrance. Adrenaline courses through your veins—every nerve ending in your body is going up in flames. You spread your legs wider for him, hoping he’ll understand the nonverbal cue. He does. He begins to ease himself into your cunt and you hook a leg around his waist, encouraging him to go deeper. The barn fills with the sound of his grunt and your loud cry at the initial stretch. He sinks his cock further into you until he bottoms out and you cry out again, feeling a delicious burning sensation as he cradles his hips between your thighs.

“M’gonna need you to relax a little sweetheart,” he whispers gently, ceasing his movements to give your body a chance to adjust to him. Joel takes advantage of having you pinned underneath him with your head thrown back and his lips latch onto your neck, hungrily. He fervently kisses his way down the column of your throat, nips his way to your collarbone—but unlike you, he’s careful to do so without leaving any kind of mark behind. He would give anything to have the freedom to leave traces of his loving all over you. Maybe it’s the heat of the moment and the way he’s buried inside you to the hilt that brings out the primal in him, but Joel wouldn’t mind seeing you walk around Jackson covered in his love bites. He wants everyone to know he’s the one who’d left them behind, needs them to understand that you’re his. But that isn’t possible. Joel lifts his head from the hollow of your neck and nibbles lightly at your chin. “You alright, baby?”

Forcing your eyes open, you lift your head and bring yourself to look at him. At first, you feel discomfort, but after a minute, your body finally relaxes around him and it subsides. It’s replaced with the burning desire to feel more of him. The pretty glow coming in from outside the barn illuminates his face and you smile. “I’m better than alright. I’m perfect,” you assure him. You place a hand delicately on his chest, feeling his heart thrum hard against your fingertips. “This is perfect.”

Joel kisses the tip of your nose. He slides out of you slowly, then right back into you in an experimental thrust that brings your body off the blanket, your back arching in sheer pleasure. It’s such a deliciously tight fit, and he almost can’t believe how fucking good it feels to be sheathed in your taut heat. He drops his head, taking your breast into his mouth, tongue swirling around your hardened nipple as he bucks his hips once more. He’s being careful. Too careful.

“Joel—I need you to move,” you gasp. You drag a hand down his chest and over his soft stomach, letting your fingernails rake lightly over his flushed skin. It’s warm to the touch, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “Joel, please. Fuck me.”

Thankfully, you don’t have to tell him twice.

Joel releases the pebbled flesh from his mouth with a loud, lewd pop. He pulls his cock out of your dribbling pussy, then slams back into you with such force that he places a hand on the crown of your head, keeping you in place underneath him on the blanket. You wrap your own leg around him, locking your ankles together, your heels digging into the firm curve of his ass. You lift your hips just as he rolls his own right into them. The new angle gives Joel the opportunity to fuck you even deeper and he hits the sensitive, spongy spot inside you, making you see stars. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you hold onto him, moans you’ve never heard come out of your own mouth before ringing in your ears and in his. He starts picking up his pace.

“Baby.” He’s breathless and speaks between every snap of his hips. “Fuck, y’feel s’good—s’tight around me—”

“Don’t stop, Joel. God, please don’t fucking stop,” you plead him, your finger burying themselves in his hair. “Keep going, just like that—fuck, you feel so fucking good inside me—”

You bite down on your bottom lip, adoring how Joel squeezes his dark eyes shut each and every single time the head of his cock brushes that one particularly deep spot inside of you. Knowing that you and your body has this kind of an effect on him, it gives you a boost of confidence. You’ve spent the last couple of years allowing a pathetic excuse of a man—if one could even call him that—pick on you, say things about your body, and make you feel like your inability to conceive a child made you defective. Worthless, even. And here’s a real man, one who makes you feel beautiful with the way he talks to you, the way he kisses you, touches you, and fucks you. You’re not perfect by any means, but Joel Miller makes you feel what your own husband doesn’t.

He makes you feel like you’re enough. More than enough.

The barn fills with a combination of moaning, panting, and the sound of damp skin slapping against damp skin.

Glancing down at you, Joel shakes his head and warns, “Ain’t gonna last much longer, baby. M’so goddamn close.”

An unexpected wave of courage washes over you. Planting your hands firmly on his chest, you take him by complete surprise and slide out from underneath him. A small grunt escapes him as you push him onto his back. Amused, you can’t help but giggle at the shocked expression on his face as you guide him to lie down on the flannel blanket. Eager to see his reaction, you keep your eyes trained on his face as you straddle his lap. You grip the base of his cock in your hand and then slowly sink down onto him, your cunt greedily squeezing him as you slide down until you’re fully seated.

Joel’s jaw falls slack. It’s the most stunning sight he’s ever seen.

You, completely naked on top of him, your pouty lips plump and swollen from his kisses. Your smooth, supple skin glows in the moonlight shining through the open window behind you. All while every inch of Joel’s cock was buried deep inside of you, head nudging at your cervix. Eyes glimmering devilishly, the sexiest little smirk tugs at the corners of your mouth. “Like what you see?”

He tries to speak, but he can’t.

You’ve rendered him speechless. 

Grabbing his hands in yours, you guide them to your hips. His blood roars in his ears and his fingers dig into the pillowy soft flesh, holding on as you begin to rock them back and forth. You throw your head back, your hair spilling over your shoulder. The friction of your clit against his pelvis heightens your pleasure. Joel had thought he would be the one to topple over the edge first, but he’d been wrong.

Eyes pinching shut, you start bouncing yourself on his cock, your desperation mounting. You feel the tension between your hips coiling back tightly, ready to snap forward.

“Fuck, Joel—I’m gonna—I’m so fucking close.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Fuckin’ come for me, baby,” Joel encourages you, his fingers digging even harder into your hips. One of his hands abandons your side and he reaches up and gently takes your slackened jaw in the palm of his hand. He coaxes you to look down at him. “Need you to be a good girl and look at me, peach,” he instructs you, slipping his thumb between your parted lips. “Need to see that pretty face of yours when you come all over my cock, sweetheart.”

“Oh fuck—fuckfuckfuck!”

Crying out, you unravel and fall apart all over him, the ecstasy blurring the edges of your vision. 

It doesn’t take Joel much longer to follow. He lets out a low, guttural growl, choking out a string of profanities as he slams you down onto his lap and holds you in place, spurts of warm come coating your velvet walls. Your pussy squeezes him, draining him of every last drop.

You collapse forward onto him in a sweaty, whimpering mess and he wraps his arms around you. With him still inside you, you both lay there and try to catch your breaths as the high slowly but surely begins to wear off.

After a few minutes, Joel pulls out of you and he shifts your bodies, moving you so you’re now laying beside him. Tucking you against his side, he slides his arm around your shoulders and pulls you even closer. His other hand finds one of yours and he takes it, bringing them both to rest on his chest.

“You alright?” he asks you, lacing his fingers together with yours.

“I’m great,” you answer him tiredly, prompting him to chuckle. “What about you?”

Joel strokes at your hair. “Never been better, sweet girl.”

You groan. “Joel, don’t do that,” you mumble into his shoulder. “You’re going to put me right to sleep.”

He laughs again. “We’ve still got a bit more time, y’know. If you’re tired, you can take a quick nap. I can wake you up in ‘bout an hour when it’s time to head home.”

“No, that’s okay,” you decline the offer, worried he would accidentally fall asleep too. “I really wish we could sleep together—I mean, actually sleep together. In an actual bed. Not having to worry about anything. Just like normal couples do.”

“Well, we ain’t exactly a normal couple, darlin’.”

“No, we’re definitely not,” you murmur. You don’t even realize how sad you’d sounded until you feel Joel give your shoulders a comforting squeeze. 

Neither of you say anything else about it as you spend the next hour laying there, tangled up in each other’s embrace, waiting until it was time to go your separate ways.

[misscinnamonroll16]

Brozone headcanons

Clay is the type of brother to not believe what any of the others tell him. Whether they're lying to him or not, he don't believe them

John Dory can get his brothers to fall asleep in minutes. He's got all the tricks that knock them out. They worked when they were kids and still work now that they're adults.

Whoever ends up with John will get a wonderful lil house husband. He can cook, clean, bake, sew, and take care of children. Basically a house husband (or pod in this case)

John definitely dated Delta Dawn. They broke up bc they were too similar and too different. This was shortly after the band broke up and before Delta became queen. They were both young and adventurous. They wanted to travel the world together but Delta had responsibilities that she couldn't leave.

Floyd had ONE girlfriend. When he got on his own, Floyd told people he was bisexual bc he knew he wasn't straight but he thought he liked girls. He and that girl broke up on good terms bc she understood when he told her he's gay.

Floyd is scared of clowns

Bruce probably traumatized the little brothers more than John Dory did. He was the one that would force them to go into a haunted house, purposely jump out with a scary mask on type stuff

Drinks of choice: JD prefers whiskey, Bruce likes margaritas and brandy (obviously), Clay doesn't drink often, he likes white wine while he reads, Floyd likes SHOTS SHOTS and mixed drink (club/party drinks), branch doesn't drink much either but likes wine and occasionally mixed drinks.

Floyd is the holder of all the family secrets. He's really good at keeping them secret. Bruce and John are too but they're also known for telling embarrassing stories so none of the brothers want to tell them their secrets and risk it getting leaked

John is incredibly handy, he's very good at fixing most things. He can FIX things most of the time. He's no good at building.

All the boys are hopeless romantics

When one of the brothers (excluding Bruce in this case) get married after reuniting, they are all excitedly helping plan the wedding

Floyd can walk in heels

John Dory handles his machete very well. Nothing gets cut that he doesn't want cut. He also flips it around like a butterfly knife

When JD and Spruce went out to those teenage parties, they had a silent rule of one of them had to stay sober to make sure the other didn't do anything stupid, was safe and they both got home in enough time to get some sleep before having to wake up for the day. Spruce made sure John didn't wander off while stoned and listened to him talk whatever came to his high mind. John Dory made sure Spruce didn't eat something he wasn't supposed to while stoned or do anything stupid while drunk. It was never discussed but they knew that one of them had to be responsible for the other

Despite the band getting back together, both John and Floyd have sole careers that take off. Floyd is more for the performing and shows, JD is more for releasing songs and disappearing for several months. Floyd is selling out shows, John is dropping a song on YouTube that blows up within the first ten minutes. Brozone fans eat it up

While on stage and interacting with fans, the boys do very different things. John Dory leans towards the crowd and the fans go wild, he's a bit taken back but blows them a kiss (cue someone fainting). Bruce still plays up the heartthrob card, showing off his body, a fan yells and calls him daddy. He whispers into his mic "I didn't give you permission to call me that." in a flirty tone, cue the deafening screams. Clay was always shocked a little bit when fans start screaming when he gets close to the end of the stage, he's talking into his mic like "you good? You need something?" which causes the fans to all scream something at him. Floyd is the most memeable, hes making faces and sitting on the edge of the stage. He didn't used to that but after V&V he gets tired pretty quick. So he often ends up laying on the stage, his leg hanging off, his mic by his head along with a bottle of water. Clay kicked him off once and nobody knows if it was on purpose or not. Branch is NOT used to the fans. They're screaming at him and he's backing away. He's also very memeable until he gets more used to it. He didn't perform as much as his brothers (by that i mean he only truly performed once)

Bruce teaches John Dory how to surf. After several hours he gets the hang of it, it's like skateboarding only rougher.

Bruce sometimes watches his boys and sees him and his bros. Theyre wrestling and he can practically see himself, Clay and Floyd on the floor of their Grandma's pod

Grandma Rosiepuff spanked JD and Bruce with a wooden spoon. By the time she stopped, Clay was old enough for him to be next, so he got lucky. The wooden spoon she used had a wooden chunk taken out of it from when she hit John once. They find it while going through her old stuff that Branch had.

"Hey look it's the whooping spoon!"

"The what?!"

"The whooping spoon. The spoon grandma used to spank us."

"What makes you say that?"

"You see this chunk taken out, that's from my ass."

[lotus222]

I have a theory…

Everyone is up and arms about the elriel v. gwynriel debate so if you get easily triggered about those ships pls avert your eyes cause I’m gonna be unapologetically brutal.

I just finished reading CC2 (ik I’m behind) and it opened my eyes to something SJM has been saying since the beginning.

Now, while reading this massive book, I had a continuing foreboding feeling that Hunt was going to be replaced by Ithan as Bryce’s love interest. Bc as we know SJM always switches up the MMC after one book or so, so I was scurred. BUT

I was pleasantly surprised to see that SJM did all in her power to reinforce the idea that these two are endgame, by having Bryce CHOOSE Hunt and vice versa — going against her arranged marriage, the royal lineage requirements, and the added complexity of mates for fae, angels, and wolves

It was refreshing to see Bryce and Hunt come together out of true love as opposed to SJM’s usual trope of “oh they were destined so they have to be together”. Don’t get me wrong, I love her other couples too - but Bryce and Hunt have always been my favs bc of this fact.

Then, imagine my surprise when I see that Bryce and Hunt CHOOSE to be mates. Simply bc the title bf & gf didn’t work for them. THEN, they’re revealed to be true mates, and their love for one another simply forged this unbreakable bond where now they have the same strength (if not stronger) then preordained mates.

Here’s where the ACOTAR ships come in…

Now…i don’t care who mrs Maas decides to put together. I have loved every single couple she has produced so ik I’ll love the next inner circle couple. BUT ik in my heart of hearts and based off of common sense that it’s going to be Elain + Azriel

(Also pls keep in mind that the ACOTAR fae are the ancestors of the CC fae, which means whatever Bryce and Hunt can feel/do/etc, first originated or was discovered in the ACOTAR world) which means this true mates thing that Bryce and Hunt have can have originated with Az & Elain

CC3 takes place after ACOSF, where we all know there are things needing to be addressed. Bryce wakes up on the lawn of the townhouse where Az is and there’s fresh bread & roses in the air…then everyone else arrives later. Meaning Az was at the townhouse by himself…with the bread & roses (Elain).

Some of y’all might think that’s a stretch or irrelevant, but I think it’s fully intentional that SJM put CC3 before the next ACOTAR book. It’s bc everyone in the ACOTAR world up until this point has followed the rules of “be with your mate and love them”, but now Bryce is there as a clear example of having a mate not chosen by some stupid bowl, but by herself and her heart. Which is something I think will strike a chord with Elain and Azriel.

Az has NEVER been chosen, and I don’t think (even if gwyn is his mate or his backup singer or whatever y’all are calling her now) he will be satisfied by someone being thrown to him, forced to love him bc of a bond. He wants them to choose to love him like his dad and Mor didn’t (sry Mor stans but she didn’t, she admitted so herself in ACOWAR)

Rhys (sry cause I also dislike him after ACOSF) is just like Bryce’s bio dad and is trying to place a barrier between the couple in the name of politics and what is usually done, but just like Bryce (I.E. WHY THERE IS A BONUS CHAPTER W HER, AZ, AND NES (THE ONLY 2 (-Rhys) WHO WILL KNOW ABOUT AZ’s FEELINGS)) Az/Elain will choose to divert that standard, motivated by the love Bryce expresses for her chosen mate, Hunt.

Plus, can I mention y’all also acted this way with Cass met Emery at the end of ACOFAS…and thought they were gonna be together before ACOSF came out and now y’all are doing the same to Gwyn. I personally think Gwyn has been traumatized beyond belief by men, and I don’t think what she needs in her life to heal from that is the man that saved her from that trauma. She doesn’t need to be saved or reminded of that time in her life anymore. Like, girl could still not bring herself to leave the house of wind at the end of ACOSF. Idk about y’all but I wouldn’t fall in love with the cop who saved me from that kind of crime, I’d move on and find love for myself.

No matter if you’re a gwynriel stan or not, we can all agree that the kiss at the end of ACOSF cannot be ignored, and this relationship between Az and Elain has been building up for THREE BOOKS. Gwyn has only been here for one. Take it from me my lovely gwynriels, and be prepared for disappointment.

NOW, where does Lucien fit in all of this? I think Lucien takes the same stance as Ithan from CC. Elain doesn’t know the sassy, caring Lucien we know bc the only interactions she’s had with him were when he sold her out to Hybern (mind you: when she was ENGAGED) and when he’s been around her bc he felt this need due to a mating bond. It’s fair that she doesn’t love him, just like it’s fair that Bryce doesn’t love Ithan. Just because there’s a bond, in whatever form, doesn’t mean that entitles another to that female’s love.

Lucien deserves someone who wants to be with him and as a fan of his character, too, I don’t want him stuck with Elain. Especially when she’s made it so clear she doesn’t want him. I think Lucien accepting Elain going with Azriel will lead him back to the Spring Court (cause it’ll still hurt, and he’ll need space) and give y’all that Tamlin redemption arc you’ve been dying for for some reason.

Either way, the answer of who is Az’s mate is a big topic, so I think SJM doing the same thing with him that she did with Bryce and Hunt in CC2 would be so bomb. Plus, she’s always said that the books she writes will be with the female at the forefront, so sry babes, there’s no Azriel book.

So book 5/6 (incl ACOFAS) in the ACOTAR world will be Elriel, then it’ll be Morr/all of the couples, and the novella will probably be Spring Court (i.e., Vaasa/Tamlin/Lucien). Don’t quote me on anything past the next ACOTAR book, I’m just guessing on those

Anyway, that’s how I think it’s going to go but I’m not the author or anything, so take this as you will

[satoruxx]

NORTHERN LIGHTS.

✧ PAIRING: kaeya alberich x fem!reader | 4.5k words

✧ SUMMARY: smut, p -> v, praise, fingering, lots of pining, angst, angsty bc it’s kaeya tbh lol, kaeya lore but it’s vague, also military themes bc sometimes we forget kaeya is a captain and i love the knights of favonius, he’s highkey got commitment issues but i think he’s valid, man is whipped tho, he's just an overthinker and traumatized, also can you tell i’m a med student?

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: first i have to apologize bc this is SO late??? i got this request back for my 200 event, asking for kaeya with the song northern lights by kennie (which is such a good song). at first i was gonna make it a short little drabble, but the more i wrote, the more i wanted to make it a full fic, which is what ended up happening. kaeya's character has so much depth and i wanted to explore it hehe. northern lights is such a fitting song for him so i just had to go all in. but i'm so sorry that i got to your request so late, hopefully you still enjoy it lovely! (even tho it’s not the main focus in this fic, this is technically my first real smut fic so take it with a grain of salt; i don't think i write it that well LMAO)

it was rare to truly know your own weaknesses, but kaeya knew his a little too well. behind his carefree, unbothered exterior he cared a little too much. he cares a little too much when klee tugs on his fur cape and whines about a scolding she’s gotten from jean, and he ends up indulging her with whatever she’d like. he cares a little too much when rosaria spills just a tad more than usual during her drunken ramblings. he cares a little too much when he sees the discomfort in the face of certain fiery bartender as they speak, and he consistently lies awake and remembers days when that discomfort between them didn’t exist.

it’s a curse, he thinks, because he always ends up feeling too attached to people he knows he shouldn’t be attached to.

even now, his weakness is acting up as he barks orders to his soldiers. they scramble around him as they enter the city, carrying their wounded brethren to safety up at the cathedral. kaeya knows he shouldn’t blame himself but as their captain he feels like he should’ve seen this coming. new recruits wouldn’t be able to handle the hordes of monsters at daduapa gorge—he miscalculated.

“take them to the sisters at the cathedral. sister barbara and the others should be able to heal them,” kaeya commands, clasping one of the men’s shoulders and helping him up to the church. he’s ignoring the now dull throbbing in his side as blood stains his clothes—his soldiers were most important right now. like he said, he cared a little too much.

the nurses had set up a medical station at the cathedral, and in between all the commotion, kaeya’s finally able to hand over the groaning soldier to a nurse, who immediately gets to work.

he then takes a few steps back to assess the damage, grateful that all of his soldiers are getting the attention they needed. he’d hate himself if there were any losses today.

he doesn’t even realize that he’s now leaning against the wall, panting shallowly as blood continues to pour from his abdomen. oh well, he’d wait his turn—only after his soldiers were taken care of.

kaeya shuts his eyes, letting his body rest for a minute.

“you’re wounded.”

his eyes shoot open to see you standing in front of him. he assumes you’re not one of the nuns because your clothes are entirely different. you’re young, appearing to be around his age as you eye his torso critically.

“it appears so,” he answers.

“did someone take a look at you yet?”

“i’d prefer all my soldiers be taken care of first.”

your eyes flash with recognition. “so you’re captain kaeya?”

“indeed i am.” he lets his eyes roam over your concerned features.

you give him a small smile before continuing with a sigh. “i can safely tell you that all the wounded are being treated. i’m still an apprentice so i’m only here to deal with the non fatal injuries. like yours, captain.” you crouch down in front of him, fingers reaching towards his clothing with a silent question of permission. he lets his hand slacken as he gives you a nod and you attempt to peel back as many layers as you can to asses the damage before you’re motioning him towards a tent.

a few minutes later and kaeya is letting you strip his torso bare until you have a full view of his injury. your fingers brush over the wounded skin gently, and he wonders if you even touched him at all. “it’s long, but not too deep. a few stitches and you should be alright. if you’re okay with it, i’ll get started,” you tell him.

kaeya wants to tell you that he’s no stranger to the pain of injuries, but he finds something oddly refreshing about your comforting attitude, so he just says yes and lets you begin to work.

you thread through the skin with a delicate hand and despite the sting he honestly can’t even focus on it, choosing instead to analyze your features.

he realizes that you’re awfully pretty.

kaeya makes small talk with you as you work, partly to stay awake through the pain and mostly because he can’t stop his curiosity. he finds out your name, your hobbies, your goals. you may not have the most exciting life but kaeya thinks there’s something so alluring about you it makes him a little dizzy. he's not sure what it is, but he thinks about it the whole time you tend to his wound. realization hits when you finally finish, looking up at him with a smile, and kaeya realizes that your eyes hold the stars in them.

it’s hard to explain but when kaeya watches you work, nose scrunching in the dim lighting of the tent, he thinks you remind him of home.

(kaeya has chased the stars for as long as he can remember. he remembers shouting with diluc in the grass behind the winery, the two of them reaching for celestia because the stars up there were so undeniably pretty.

"we're never gonna get them!" diluc would laugh, trying hard to balance kaeya on his little shoulders. "they're too far…"

and kaeya only grins down at him toothily, raising his fists to the sky. "no way! i'll catch them one day!"

and yet his whole childhood went by without being able to capture the stars. as he grew older he started to learn that it was impossible to steal what the sky so selfishly held on to.

but even as an adult, kaeya knows to appreciate the stars when he gets the privilege to see them in the sky.

especially after he finally seems to find them in the dim glow of a medical tent.)

he hates to admit how often his eyes seek you out after that one encounter. sometimes he’ll see you at the cat's tail, giggling with your friends as you slam tcg cards down on the table triumphantly. other times he’ll catch a glimpse of you at good hunter, chewing on a quick meal as you browse through a book. almost every time he gets caught staring you only smile and offer him a little wave that sends his brain into a frenzy.

(maybe in another life kaeya would allow himself the luxury. he’d let himself go through the motions for you. let himself stress every time you threw a glance his way. work up the courage to ask you out on saturday afternoon. finally get the chance to press his lips to yours. trace your skin with nimble fingers and have the privilege to call you his.

in another life maybe.

but for now he’ll just keep you his own little secret—a guilty pleasure he’ll indulge in because it’s hard to rid an addiction, especially if you don’t have the will to rid it in the first place.)

kaeya’s messed up this summer. he knows it in his soul that he’s made the wrong decision as he watches you babble about something as you lean against his bare chest, still basking in your own afterglow.

he knows that he should have resisted the temptation. as soon as he and the troops got back and he saw you sitting in a secluded corner at angel’s share he knew that his feelings for you hadn’t dissolved.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and kaeya only now knows this to be true because just the sight of you sends his mind into a frenzy. you could probably feel his gaze on you because you look up from the book you’re reading and make straight eye contact with him. for a second, he wants to turn away but then you smile at kaeya like you’ve never once forgotten him, and he’s putty. before he knows it, he’s buying you a drink and walking over to your little corner to make himself comfortable.

it’s a slow descent for him because in his head he knows he shouldn’t get too attached. he’ll leave again soon with the troops, and who knows maybe he’ll leave them behind one day too. his future has always looked so clouded to him, and he knows you belong in the sun. he’d like to leave you there in the light—avoid dragging you into his darkness.

so he tries to keep it simple, occasionally meeting you for a drink or catching up around the city. but then you’re showing him your favorite place to study near starfell lake and he’s showing you his favorite stars while laying on his back on starsnatch cliff. and he knows he can’t avoid it.

soon enough he’s giving into everything he said he wouldn’t, finally finding out what you taste like. finally knowing how his name sounds when it falls from your lips.

it's more addicting than he could've predicted, the feeling of your breath against his skin as you pant out his name. kaeya can't even bring himself to pull away from you to stop and think for a second. if he did then maybe he could slap some sense into himself and draw some distance because archons above he was digging himself deeper into this hole. but he can't, not when you're gripping his shoulders as he presses you against the wall of his bedroom, whining into his lips for all that he can give you.

and kaeya is nothing if not generous.

so he indulges both you and himself—the perfect mix of selfless and selfish as he guides you to his bed, nimble fingers loosening the ties of your clothing until you're bare in front of him. he can see the bashfulness settling into your cheeks and he almost feels like goading for just a minute, but he decides he'll be nice.

you've always deserved a nice guy anyway.

he tries to push that thought away, instead distracting himself with the heat of your body, his fingers dancing along your skin eagerly. maybe, just this one night, he can let it be about you two. he can afford to forget about all the old promises he's made—all the responsibilities and duties he devoted himself to a lifetime ago.

kaeya ignores the flush of heat crawling up his neck as he hovers over you, caging your body underneath his as you squirm in anticipation. he understands—the tightness in his pants is enough for him to feel the same. but he's not worried about that, not when his fingers part your thighs eagerly, brushing over heated skin and finding slick wetness there as he dips into your cunt. he hears the sharp intake of breath, the quiet restrained moan, and he preens. kaeya revels in the sounds he pulls from your lips as his fingers curl against your slick heat, your head lolling back against his pillows.

there's a possessive streak of something that cuts through him then—something that tells him how he aches to be the only one who gets to hear those sounds.

it makes him slightly sick.

kaeya realizes then—he's been quite stupid when it comes to you. he's kept the maelstrom of feelings brewing in his soul trapped under all his bravado, arrogant and cowardly all at once. he needs to tell you, needs to be honest because this isn't something he can trick his way out of.

but all he wants to do is run. run so far away from you because he doesn't want you to to get caught up in his own ruin. you're far too good for him, too sweet and carefree to be tainted by his sin-laden hands. he needs to run.

but he does none of that, not when he's guiding his fingers to the apex of your thighs and exploring territory he knows he shouldn't claim. because then you look at him with an expression so blissful—so thankful, relieved that he's giving you a part of himself he never wanted to—and he can't even be angry about it.

kaeya presses his lips to the swell of your chest, feeling the rapid thumping of your heart under your skin, and he shuts his eyes as he breathes out your name. you answer with a resounding mewl, catching his eyes even through the dark strands of his hair.

he then chooses to focus on pumping his fingers in and out of your cunt because archons do you look heavenly when your eyes roll back like that.

but it scares him, the way you leave him open and exposed and aching even when he doesn't want to be.

in his head you're perfect, all bright and glowing under him as you chant his name like he's some kind of savior. but kaeya isn't a savior—if anything he's destruction in human form, sent by the heavens to wreak havoc on those around him. he'd destroyed enough already—he doesn't think he can do it to you too.

but archons the way you're looking at him now, from under fluttering lashes and dewy eyes that shine even brighter when they're trained on him—begging, pleading, and oh so trusting of him and every thing he wants to give you. he can't even help himself.

"i know, sweet girl," he sighs, voice strained as you buck your hips just perfect—a temptress, sent to lead him to his doom. and yet he can't stop his fingers from pushing back your hair from your sweaty skin, knowing that he should be careful because he doesn't want to destroy something as fragile as this.

"kaeya please," your breath comes out in short desperate pants, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt and sliding it off his shoulders haphazardly.

"i know," he repeats, reaching down to heft your thigh over his waist as he slots his hips against your own, biting back a groan at the sensitive brush against his cock—throbbing, aching, needy.

"ah fuck," he's almost shy at the way his voice shakes as he lines his cock up, the heat and slickness of your cunt a teasing caress against his sensitive head. he drops his forehead against your shoulder, breathing heavily even before he's inside you because something about this makes him so incredibly nervous. a single desperate whine and the soft squeeze of your fingers into his biceps and he's stilling—breath catching, heart pounding.

for a moment, he doesn't even feel like himself. he's not anything, no one.

and then he slides in and kaeya knows that there will never be anything better—another experience that would feel this right in his life.

he pulls out a little, gaze lingering at the sweat beading at your forehead, and something in his chest stutters. "okay?" he traces your face for any hint of hesitation—of the nervousness that he feels in his gut, but all he finds is a stormy mix of desire and devotion.

"uh huh," reassurance, stability—everything he isn't. his brows pinch, eyes shutting because he doesn't want you to know.

he's pulled out of the whirlwind that is his thoughts when he feels your fingers on his cheek, brushing over his skin gently. his eyes snap open, and even through the haze he can feel himself relaxing under your touch, because the way you're looking at him is so undeniably loving and it makes his stomach flip.

"you okay?" you whisper, looking up at him carefully, and kaeya feels as though you've put him between the halves of a microscope slide to analyze him.

"i'm fine," he breathes out, not a lie but not the whole truth either. "don't worry."

his words do little to quell you, but one roll of his hips has your eyes fluttering, a choked moan escaping your throat, and the sound makes his pride sing.

there's an image then—hazy and yet so obvious as his brain registers it. the implications behind it makes his stomach churn.

quiet smiles, hazy kisses, soft goodbyes—and then the inevitable distance as he crosses over the border separating your world from his. a lone figure standing in the streets of mondstadt, always waiting for him to come back. always disappointed.

you buck your hips upward, blissfully unaware of the torrent of conflicting emotions in his head. kaeya's brain short-circuits, and then he's pushing back, a steady rhythm against your gummy walls that takes the breath out of your lungs. you savor every thrust, punctuated by the sharp grunts he lets out against your throat.

your fingers rake over his back, desperate and needy and focused on one thing only—kaeya, kaeya, kaeya.

"that's it sweetheart," he doesn't have any more control—not on his mind, his body, his mouth. they've all escaped his grasp, too spurred on by you and everything you're willing to offer him.

"'s okay…ah fuck…it's okay," kaeya groans into the column of your throat, not sure whether he's telling you or himself. the clench of your walls sends him spiraling, hips picking up the pace as he pistons his cock in and out—trying to find out just how far he can go.

then he hits one spot, and his vigilant gaze catches the way your jaw slackens, eyes glazing over even as they roll back and a shaky moan escapes your throat—surprised, unexpecting. his ego jumps.

an experimental roll of his hips against the same spot and you make a sound so unhinged that he finds himself already addicted to it. and to tease is in his nature.

"yeah? right there?" he drawls, masking his anxiousness with his bravado once again.

"right there," you whimper, nodding meekly as you grip his shoulders. he huffs out a soft laugh, pressing a gentle kiss to your eyelids like he's trying to kiss away the tears that have gathered there. you preen under his ministrations—it feels a little too domestic.

he understands. it scares him, but he understands. he wonders what the point of worrying is—wonders why he's letting his paranoid brain taint this moment that he'd been waiting for. the only solution left is to ignore it. because you're here, writhing underneath him in the throes of pleasure, vulnerable and trusting and just for him. he should give you what you deserve after all.

so kaeya pushes every other thought out of his head, only focused on you and making you feel good because that's what someone like you deserves—everything you desire laid at your feet.

he presses a chaste kiss to your mouth, paired with a languid roll of his hips as he quietly groans. "okay…." his voice comes out an octave lower, pushed down by the barely concealed need for you. "okay sweet girl. i've got you."

another searing kiss as he breathes through his nose, picking up the pace again as he slams his cock into the spot that makes you see stars. your moans get louder even as they remain muffled against his lips, and kaeya can't help but dig his fingers into the meat of your thigh, leaving behind finger shaped dents in the plushy skin.

a claim—possessive, desperate, selfish.

your kisses become sloppier as kaeya leads you closer to the edge, walls clenching around the length of him, tighter with every thrust he delivers. the chants of his name have become almost reverent, and kaeya thinks his name couldn't possibly sound more beautiful than in that moment. he wonders if he could be blessed to hear it for the remainder of his life, and the thought sends pure unadulterated need through him.

his hips stutter, red hot fire coursing through his chilled veins—building, climbing, overwhelming as every sense goes fuzzy with heat. his grunts become more irregular, in time with the reckless thrusts of his cock as your cunt tightens around him greedily.

his cock twitches as you suck him in eagerly, feeling every ridge and vein as he grunts and groans and tightens his hold on you—unyielding, unrelenting, selfish.

your eyes stay locked on his even as your orgasm rips through you, and kaeya sees celestia in them—brighter than ever before. your muscles spasm, clenching almost painfully as you tremble and writhe underneath him, and he follows you to the doorstep of nirvana with a throaty groan. his hips stutter, twitching and throbbing as he pants out a broken chorus of your name and every praise that doesn't do you justice.

then he drops his forehead against yours, watching your eyelids flutter—celestial stars dim. a soft brush of your lips against his.

your muscles go lax, every guard dropped just for him—trust he realizes, trust he doesn't deserve. he doesn't know how to tell you that.

because even after everything—when you're curled up against his chest, skin warm and dewy against his own, he does not think about how he adores the feeling of your hair brushing against his arm, nor does he focus on the soft tickle of your breathing washing over him. instead he thinks about how he's ruined it all, how he's dragged you into him, and how he needs to let you go before he destroys you completely.

at the end of the summer, kaeya tells you he can’t.

“what are you talking about?” you ask him, a light chuckle escaping your lips as you barely focus on his words. your nose is buried in some medical text, and kaeya thinks that the universe is punishing him now by making him repeat himself.

“us. we shouldn’t have…” he sighs, shoulders dropping. “i mean, we should stop…seeing each other.”

he can practically feel the way his words pull your attention and when he looks up he sees the way your grip on the book has slackened. there’s panic settling in your eyes, mixed with a bit of confusion. a conflicted emotion runs across your face and kaeya’s fingers itch to touch you. “w-why?”

it’s a simple question and he should have no problem answering it, but he struggles to get the words out, his throat constricting uncomfortably. “it was fine in the summer, when i was back here with the troops. but now i’ll have to leave and-“

“so what?” you question, turning in your seat to face him completely. his eyes drop to the shirt you’re wearing, his shirt, and he feels his heart squeezing.

“so-“ he gulps, head spinning as he tries to explain himself. he doesn’t even have a proper answer—he just knows that this is his only option. because there’s no way in hell he deserves this kind of comfort, this kind of happiness. “so i cant-“

“can’t what, kaeya?” you stress, voice going slightly higher and he only then sees the real fear in your expression.

he pauses, mulling over his words and the bitter taste they’re leaving in his mouth. he can feel the sting of your pleading stare, and he swallows hard. “can’t stay,” he finally answers, and he’s shocked at how miserable he sounds.

you look at him like he’s insane, and honestly he feels like he might be. you’re confused and rightfully so, because there are so many remnants of him left in your space, so clearly evident the impact he’s left on you.

“can’t or won’t?”

kaeya’s eyes snap up to yours, because the tremor in your voice sends a jolt of fear down to his stomach, churning and roiling until it makes him sick.

he regrets looking, because he can feel himself breaking then and there.

you’re looking at him with these shining eyes and he swears that he’s glimpses them again—the brightest stars he’s ever had the privilege of seeing. for a second he thinks the light of those stars might disappear because that’s what always happens. but they remain, glowing against the backdrop of your irises and he’s captivated all over again.

his plans to leave you in tears fly out the window then and there.

he’s reaching for your cheeks in less than a second, holding them delicately as he lets his thumbs brush over your teary lashes. there’s a reasonable bit of confusion in your face at his sudden change, but when he leans down to kiss you, you don’t protest, melting into him even though he’s so undeniably cold. kaeya doesn’t even realize he’s saying he loves you, choosing to murmur it against your lips because it’s not meant for anyone else to hear—just the two of you.

he remains there, in the quiet darkness of your room for the rest of the night, because he doesn’t want to leave your side even after he told himself he would.

and yes, he dreads tomorrow. he dreads tomorrow because he knows that he will have to choose between the comfortable home he’s found in you or the dark abyss that has swallowed his past.

he’s scared that the more he allows himself to fall into you, and the more he finds that your eyes are the ones that hold the stars of celestia, then the easier his choice will become.

he’s been chasing the stars for so long after all. now that he finally has them, why in teyvat would he let them go?

[mors-neptune]

707 / Luciel / Saeyoung Choi Headcanons I Have

‼️⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD ⚠️‼️

• Has ADHD but if anyone brings it up he brushes it off because he thinks it makes him lesser. He’s not ableist he just needs to be educated :(

• I know in the official art he’s pretty pale but I hc him as having tanner skin and some freckles

• Has an undiagnosed personality disorder probably

• Too paranoid to go to church in person so he made a personal shrine in his home that he makes sure to spend time at

• Hates seeing his father on TV because it reminds him how similar they look. He’ll go into a weeks long depression every time where he’ll avoid mirrors because all he sees is his mother and father

• Loves cross dressing but is too scared to think deeply and self reflect about the gender euphoria it gives him because Korea isn’t very accepting

• Hated college because he felt like it was too structured and he doesn’t like being told what to do

• His favorite color is red (obviously)

• Doesn’t want or have any tattoos

• Most of the decor in his house was handmade impulsively and placed somewhere random

• Ultimately wants to move out of the bunker and into a more realistic house with no sci-fi-like doorbells or weapons but his paranoia stops him

• Sometimes stays up till the morning watching security cams in and around the bunker out of fear someone will try and hurt Saeran or MC

• Loves the dopamine hit that buying new cars gives him. It’s almost addicting impulse buying expensive things

• Desperately needs someone to match his neurodivergentness and thankfully his twin brother does perfectly

• His glasses are constantly dirty he never cleans those mfs

• Likes to paint his nails black but it’s always cracked and messed up

• Him and Saeran made up a secret language that they refuse to teach anyone else, even MC

• Welded flowers and spray painted them for him and MC’s anniversary (Saeran told him which flowers to make bc he knows their meanings)

• MC’s engagement ring is a Ruby (to represent Saeyoung) and whatever stone is MC’s favorite swirling together to look like a binary star system

• We know in his route that he has muscles because of his work, but after he runs from the agency, MC noticed some of his bulkiness going away

• But he still keeps a lot of his muscle, he just has some more squishiness around his torso

• Regrets his bunker not having windows because he knows Saeran loves looking at the sky

• Builds a garden in his backyard for Saeran :)

• Too paranoid to get a therapist so one of his more toxic traits is using MC as a therapist

• Goes through periods of not sharing anything emotionally with MC & sharing way too much and borderline dumping all his shit on them

• Has bad abandonment issues

• Loves experimenting with makeup and showing Saeran and MC

• Has both an inferiority and superiority complex

• Owns an obsessive amount of stuffed animals and yes, they all have names

• Idk if this is canon or not but he has curly hair

• I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this already but I hc him as bisexual (he literally mentioned at some point that V’s voice was his type)

• And since it’s basically canon he at least finds V attractive and V is more of a parental/guardian figure to him, I can conclude Saeyoung 100% has daddy issues (duh)

• Has had feelings for Vanderwood at some point

• Horrible at personal hygiene

• Doesn’t drink or do drugs (canon)

• He’s a compulsive liar :/

• Wants a cat but is so bad at taking care of himself he doesn’t trust himself taking care of an animal

• Has staff constellation, and planet stickers & posters all over his room (he’s a nerd)

• Learns sign language so when he’s mad at MC or Saeran he only communicates through sign to piss them off

• Wayyyyyyy too comfy invading people’s personal and cyber privacy because of his line of work

• Lactose intolerant because I think it’s funny

• Light sleeper because of the house he grew up in and his work at the agency

• Kind of apathetic to traumatic things other people go through if it wasn’t as “bad” as his. Not in a “I think I’m better than you” kind of way, but in a way where some issues just don’t compare to an abusive, alcoholic mother, a politician father who wants to kill him, being a secret agent made to do who knows what, and more.

• Catches up on childhood by indulging in childish hobbies and interests. He’s making up for the lost time :(

• His tummy always hurts from his horrible diet

• His cologne smells like apple spice (it’s actually a perfume for women but who cares)

• But tbh on the daily he smells like a mix of his basic masculine body wash, honey buddah chips, and grease (sorry)

• Very protective. Takes on a caretaker role for those closest to him

• Sometimes very controlling. Gets anxious when he can’t control everything around him.

• Acts very parental towards Saeran. He always did because he had to in their childhood, but Saeyoing still does it. It makes him feel good being able to properly provide for Saeran.

• He mentioned in his route that he never really wanted or thought about having a family other than Saeran, and I feel like he would still think the same after meeting MC. Just now he thinks of his family as just him, Saeran, and MC. I don’t think he’d want kids

• Literally never cleans his sheets…

• Can only convince himself to clean anything in his house because he doesn’t want Saeran to have to live in filth again

My first post. I just wanted to share these :)

[noodle-made-a-mistake]

A short list of things that bother me about the Magisterium canon:

Forgive me in advance for rambling, I have to get these thoughts out of my brain lmao (also it's been a couple years so correct me if I'm wrong! (I really hope I’m wrong on some of these :’) )) Spoilers ahead obviously!

● The lack of Calron :(

● Not taking the opportunity to develop Tamara's character and keeping her static until she's randomly just different. Strong female characters aren't just skilled and perfect until their one flaw (usually it's having feelings like any other human being) is revealed shockingly (that's just sloppy characterization), they should be crucial to the plot and not overlooked in favor of developing other characters (from what I remember she literally was my favorite while reading the series until she just got annoying (??) after a while, of course that could just be because the story is told through Call's perspective but still)

● The entire school system that I need more info on bc it sounds so unthought out and not like something that has existed for hundreds of years

● The forceful nature of making people serve as masters?? That makes no sense? Like, “Congratulations on not dying during your schooling or in the war(s), your prize is forced labor 👍.”

● Also THE COLLEGIUM WAS MENTIONED AND NEVER ELABORATED UPON

● TGT. Least favorite book. Get out. Tgt truthers how do you do it??

● The Maugris plot twist. It destroys the meaning behind the past four books. It's just so uncalled for and frankly just sloppy ig? I love the idea in a way, but only if it's foreshadowed from the beginning. Also I'm too attached to the complicated dynamic of Alastair raising his possible ex-bestie for it to end up like that

● The fact that the iron trio is out of school for half the series, I'd like to know what's normal, y'know??

● THE LACK OF ELABORATION ABOUT THE FIRST GEN I WANT TO KNOW MORE I HAVE TO KNOW MORE

● They did my man Constantine especially wrong, give him some ✨️character✨️ aside from E V I L and problematic (trademark) and charming (???)

● AND ALASTAIR GOD TELL ME MORE?? He's characterized as distant and obviously traumatized with his hate of his magic involved past but I just need to know what that past was like. Like who was he before his dead wife syndrome?? Idk but I'd of liked any excuse to know more about it just so I can understand him more??

● Please give me a single character trait of Declan's?? Like he was mentioned a handful of times and that's all we got. He was just some guy and I am hating it !!

● And Sarah. Like. She was a mom and liked peace as a concept but she also made a cool ass knife. That's a lot of things left up for interpretation. And I know Call wasn’t allowed to ask questions for plot reasons but god i wish he had more information about his own dead mother for Christ's sake

● Also other than a victim, who was Jericho? I need to know who this kid who drew scribbles in the margins of his very important journal while writing about how he was slowly being killed was. What was his relationship really like with his brother if he was so scared to say that he was dying or what gave him the impression that he didn't care?? It's fascinating and I need him under a microscope immediately

● Also the lack of queer representation until the last two books. AND THEN IT WASN'T EVEN ANY OF OUR MAIN CAST. Literally the saddest L ever :(

● AND AARON WAS NEVER CONFIRMED QUEER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK JUST L O O K AT HIS CHARACTER AND INFACT ALL OF OUR CORE CAST IS AT LEAST BI LIKE C O M E O N (ik they're like kids but even I knew I was not straight when I was like 11 and i lived in the most conservative non-LGBTQ-friendly town known to man)

● Low key, callmara was so bad, like I love them but not the way it happened, horrible set up. Tamara deserved so much better and to not have her entire character destroyed by becoming a love interest. I wish they thought about her as an independent character instead of the means to implement a romantic subplot in tgt, they did so good in the first books with that

● Also there's no elaboration on what chaos is. It's the mystical 5th element. Wow! Let's go girl, give us nothing! You'd think that if Makaris were so exceptionally rare and special that we'd get some explanation on how they come to be and what it is exactly that they can control but we're just left to assume it's the special "chosen one" type of thing. Idk it bothers me for some reason :/

That's just off the top of my head and it's been years since I read the series all the way through (I should do a reread soon). For the most part I adore this funky series and I hate to bash it but I felt the need to ramble about it's shortcomings because I'm not crazy, right?? It had so much potential! Anyway, I'm sort of glad for the blanks in the story despite complaining about them because it leaves room for fics and fan interpretations that I always love to see, but on the other hand, I'd like for the story to feel finished and not like a last minute science fair project.

Thanks for sticking around for my late night rambling lmao

[withered--s0uls]

Human & Vampire MD AU concept

Tws: childhood trauma, mention (no description of) child abuse, siblings being separated / taken away from parents, parental death

Disclaimer: I'm a System myself, so any talk about DID/OSDD1 here is based off my experiences and adjusted to fit a fantasy setting. This may not match everyone's experience with being a System and I'm sorry if it doesn't match yours or you don't feel it's accurate enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so my Take on a Human/Vampire AU right?

N & Cyn:

N and Cyn are biological siblings. Their birth parents were not good to them. Cyn (not her name at this point) does develop DID because of this as a young child.

A conflict happens in the family and N gets separated from his sister. They lose contact. N has always been her safe person and safe space, so this experience is extremely stressful and traumatizing. This results in the system splitting a factive Introject of him. "N"s job in the system is to take care of the body physically and emotionally when need be and to be a comfort to the other alters (Caretaker/Caregiver/Soother, Emotional Protector). Aside from "N" there already were two other alters before him.

C & Y.

C is a Protector/Avenger and Gatekeeper, she typically deals with conflict and arguments and is more outspoken about things. However, if a situation requires them to seek a hiding spot for safety she will opt for that as well.

Y is a trauma Holder and little who is stuck at the time of the trauma, meaning they don't age up and are forever the age range the body was during the trauma / when the trauma started.

Throughout the next 1-2 years there are two more fully formed alters (the system probably has fragments that aren't as developed too, but I'll only touch on the alters that matter for the AU story).

Cyn & Solver.

Cyn picks her name based on the three alters already existing, She is the new host of the system (prior there wasn't a clear host). Cyns Identity also is what the system uses as their "Singletsona".

Later on the body gets infected with the vampire virus. How I still need to settle on, but I am tempted to make the parents neglect and abuse part of the cause.

The process of turning is painful and traumatic, and Solver splits. In the headspace, Solver takes the form of the body as a vampire.

Solver is a Persecutor (under the definition misguided protector - harming the system and its surroundings as a form of protection).

They and "N" tend to co front for making sure the body feeds, "N" because it's part of his Caretaker job to make sure they eat and drink & Solver bc they're the only alter comfortable with the whole Vampire situation.

Eventually Cyn finally gets taken away from her abusive parents and the system ends up in an orphanage.

Here they socially officially change their name to "Cyn", wanting to separate themselves from their past life and self. The only thing they don't want to forget is N, and they haven't heard from him since they were separated.

Until one day the Elliot Family comes to the Orphanage - or well, the parents and two of their kids. Tessa and their adopted son.

Said Son and Cyn make eye contact and recognize each other as N & his little sister. N pulls his adoptive parents aside and points to Cyn, telling them that he's pretty sure that's his little sister.

After some confirmation, both between the siblings and also with official documents, the family adopts Cyn as well, reuniting the siblings!

It seems fine until the vampire situation becomes an issue. The family doesn't know. The secret and whole vampire thing in general puts stress on the system.

Solver fronts to feed, and ends up feeding off and infecting N and V. Another night it happens again with J. (Harming the body as a form of protection in this case; making the system feel more ashamed and guilty about the vampire situation to be sure they won't tell someone who could actually hurt them.)

N, V and J after turning make sure to keep Cyn fed so Tessa and the parents never get turned.

Also technically Cyn isnt aware of the system beyond thinking the alters are "imaginary friends". Mainly bc many systems dont figure it out until they are much older so I feel making a kid aware of it would be a little inaccurate. Not saying it never happens but still.

N does take note that Cyn sometimes acts "off" but puts it down as not having seen her in 2-3 years and her probably having experienced more trauma since, not to mention the vampire situation once he learns of that.

Uzi:

Uzi lives with her single father Khan. Her mother died when she was really young for reasons Uzi doesn't know of.

Nori was a vampire, however Uzi doesn't know this. Uzi did inherit the virus but it is dormant and inactive.

Uzi is kind of an outcast at school, bullying and all, ever since she can remember. The only person who doesn't really judge her is Thad who hangs out with her sometimes.

This changed when the Elliots adopted N and he switched schools, joining Uzis class. His friendly demeanor causes him to actively try to befriend Uzi, even tho she's more than happy just hanging out with Thad occasionally. Over time however N manages to worm his way into her heart and they become friends and she starts helping him with math homework.

(V, J and Tessa attend the same school but are in parallel classes btw)

They're friends for about 1,5 - 2 years when the whole Cyn reunion and vampire infection happens.

How Uzi finds out about this is still on the table but oh well. Also, Uzis own vampirism becomes active, turning her too. Now here is two ways I can't decide between this could have happened.

N has told her about having turned a vampire, due to suddenly avoiding places with lots of sunlight and preferring evening hangouts and sleepovers over their typical day/afternoon hangouts. Also he stinks of sunscreen lol. --- one time, N desperately needs to feed but they're in a situation where he cannot do it (be it they are at school or on a trip or whatever - he cannot go away to try and find some wild animal to feed off of) so Uzi offers him that he can gave some of her blood. He hesitates, not wanting to hurt her. She insists because he's visibly not okay and she trusts him. He promises he won't turn her (as vampires can choose whether or not to inject the virus into their prey) and they get a quiet corner for him to feed off her. Everything seems fine until the following days Uzi has symptoms of turning. N had kept his promise, but being bitten awakened her own dormant virus. She doesn't know this tho and accuses N of lying to her and purposely turning her. They argue and their friendship takes a huge hit. Uzi turns to V and J instead of him to ask about what to do and how to keep herself fed and relies on V for help on her first few nightly escapes to hunt. Uzi would shut her down whenever she brings up how guilty N feels and how he misses her. She's mad at him until eventually finding out about her mother being a vampire (still deciding how) and then realizing it's not his fault. She feels guilty for blaming him and thinking he would break her trust and she then does everything in her power to make it up to him. He's upset she would think he's lying and genuinely believe that for so long, but he's happy to have her back.

Option 2 is Uzi and one of the vampire siblings both being hurt. They patch each other up and Uzi notices their blood being black (a vamp hc ive had since I was a teen lol) and asks about it, finding out about the situation. However during the patching up of wounds, some of the black blood enters her wound which activates her own vampire virus.

One option for this is that Uzi hurt herself prior to helping N watch Cyn and Cyn gets hurt whilst N isn't in the room. Uzi helps her and in the process Cyns blood gets into Uzis injury.

[ I am open for situation suggestions with N, V and maybe J ]

J & V:

Dont have a lot about them except that J was adopted first, she's a little older than Tessa even. V was adopted alongside N from where they were in the same orphanage.

J doesn't like Uzi when N starts hanging out with her. V does somewhat get along with her tho and helps Uzi when her own Vampirism activates.

Tessa:

Tessa is unaware of her siblings vampirism for the most part. She did notice them seemingly eating less though and is a little worried about that, she makes them snacks she knows they like to try and make sure they eat enough.

I feel if anyone were to tell her, it would be N. And he wouldn't tell that it's all of them. Only him and maybe Cyn, as he can pass that off as "well we ARE biological siblings after all".

Idk that's all I got for now.

Also Nori was either

killed by Khan after he found out she's a vampire

Died due to extended exposure to sunlight

Killed by vampire hunters

Majorly injured by hunters or the sun so Khan had to take her out of her miserly

:(

[xenomoon]

kyle “gaz” garrick headcanons

x black plus-size civilian/mercenary reader + black gnc reader

sfw & nsfw tones

once had a stim phase where he would say “swag” almost all the time

deescalates arguments between the two of you as quick as possible

adores pda to a certain extent

^when you tease him too much and his threshold is met it’s time to skedaddle

uses his puppy eyes to win you over more than he thinks

lower back touching enthusiast

^moves his hand to your hips or waist to guide you/pull you closer

if you cross paths on a mission he will switch to your channel for a quick moment and whisper the call-sign he gave you

^once he figures out y’all are in the same area, he takes any chance he gets to check up on you

(y’all know kyle is ghanian?!!??? BYE. a black gay with west african heritage. twin!)

got a few lessons from his mom before cooking for you

def has receptive multilingualism but is trying learn his native language more now

practices with you and it makes you laugh when he says something with so much confidence then backtracks before getting stuck for a good minute

has severe anxiety

(y’all chuckle at it but) that helicopter incident was very traumatic for him. left him with a concussion and fucked up his ribs a lil. has dreams where the trucks are coming right at him and bullets flying toward him and he’s just defenseless

fidgets a lot. he rlly cannot stay still

scent fiend. always smelling you subtly

adopts phrases from you quick as hell

furrows his brows most of the time as a reflex

^^looks mean but is a sweetheart

knows you can handle yourself but will always stand his ground to protect you first

absolutely enjoys kissing the nape of your neck + nuzzling his nose against it

so baby boy hol’ on

when you rub his temples he will 9/10 times fall asleep

house-spouse to the max when he’s not working. went to multiple stores to find the best-looking apron

enjoys being a perfectionist for anything he does for you

^work related will definitely overwhelm him tho

good ‘ol mighty grip on ya when y’all cuddling

stifles moans until you coax it out of him

v dominant (non-sensual?) in public sphere. very prominent, bold demeanor is what i mean (das so sexi so)

noticed when you couldn’t stop taking in his cologne this one time and immediately bought the whole set with the lotion and bodywash

favors cleanliness. if you’re naturally someone who isn’t particular about cleaning he subtly clean up after you with no complaints

will ask you and other guests to take your shoes off at the door

hates being ignored and will absolutely panic if he does something to make you do so

touch enthusiast—his hand is always creeping up on you during any activity y’all are doing

enjoys watching you sit down so he can watch your thick thighs press against one another

^def have to bring his attention back to you multiple times. forgive him he’s easily distracted

takes his time with foreplay bc he really can’t get enough of the sensation of your skin on his lips and fingertips

begging + those puppy-eyes of his,,,have moicy

munching on him as we speak!

requests are open :3

[gold-rhine]

the amount of ppl who still think that wriothesley is this tough bad boy who wants to look all gloomy and badass all the time is killing me. literally all he wants is his child to stop walking around with a gun randomly shooting people & his subordinates to stop killing each other & clorinde to stop breaking out his door so he can drink his goddamn tea in peace. he is not this alpha male love wolf HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO BE. thank u for exploring this part of his personality djsjakaj i feel like too many people don't get the fontaine characters like AT ALL

uuuh tbh i'm not sure what post of mine you're referencing here bc i feel like i did not write about rizzley like at all sdfghjkl except that one fic mb but i dont think it fits lol

that said uhh a couple of points, he doesnt see sigewinne as his child? she's like 400 yold, if anything, she's the one who mothers him with her "healthy" milkshakes and so on. its like the main meta joke of melusines, that they look small and cute, but actually are eldritch-born fbi agents.

second, i agree that ppl pretending he's bad alphaboy wolfmale whatever is ridiculous, but also like, rizzler does have layers, "tough guy" is a part of his presentation, its just that in canon he actually uses it for subversion of expectations, to be like heey no im actually real friendly, im just some guy :) :) :) and its one of his manipulation tactics.

but also like. there is a smth to discuss like why that presentation was developed in the first place, bc it was not from usual adolescent boys macho posturing, but from like. extremely traumatized teenager with shitton of guilt and self-loathing (that he didn't really process to this day) being thrown into this dog-fighting pit of no laws prison, where he had to become the "top dog" to change it for the better. and like now his authority and power there secure enough that he can afford to "just some guy who loves tea :)", but like. still unable to trust ppl, even if he wishes he could. like yeah, he's chill and lowkey, but he is also v cynical, he just came in terms with like. the fact that he will never be truly close with others

[boomthemoon]

You know how new Trek is always building relationships out of thin air for TOS characters based of the slightest interactions? Probably unpopular opinion but I've been shipping Scotty and Uhura since I saw Star Trek V and I swear to God if Strange New Worlds don't give me that I will be pist.

I mean Uhura still so traumatized from what happened to Hemmer she is all weird around engineers bc they remind her of him. But now Scotty comes along and he is all fun and genius and Uhura really needs fun right now bc as they stated she's too focused on work. And on top of all of that Scotty can really understand how she fells bc they both lost people to the Gorns and he found a way to scape from them bc he is a fucking genius.

So yeah they both deserve all the love they can get and I'm an enthusiastic of this ship even tho is not popular at all. As we say in my country, Paramount has the knife and the cheese on their hands so they better not let me down on that.