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#bc i don't think i could do it if i knew even if there was consent
mustainegf · 2 days
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idea: dave has a crush on reader, but reader is kinda skittish and lowkey scared of him bc of his reputation as the big scary frontman of megadeth, so he tries to show reader that he's not a bad guy, lol (i hope i explained this properly)
Awww dude Dave is SUCH A SWEETHEART
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𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 ¹⁹⁹³
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There was creativity in the air the minute I walked in, humming along with the electrical wires. It was like going into some kind of beast's lair. And right at its heart, Dave Mustaine.
I knew Dave for a while, at least I liked to think so. We met through mutual friends, had shared some laughs. But the truth was, I didn't know him, not the way the world did. To me, he was just Dave, a man with a reputation that preceded him, a reputation that quite frankly terrified me just a little bit.
The stories told of him painted a picture in my mind of, ferocity, anger, impatience. And while I was drawn to him, mesmerized even, I couldn't help that I was getting too close to something dangerous.
So when he asked me to join him in the studio, I actually hesitated. But his voice was gentle, and before I knew it, the words were tumbling out in agreement off my mouth.
Now, here I was, standing in the middle of a darkened studio, feeling out of place, and unsure of what to do with myself. Dave stood across the room, adjusting his guitar to his back while he looked different here, he was meant to be here.
Scattered along the room was a few producers, as well as the other guys, David, Nick, and Marty. I fidgeted from one foot to another, not sure if I should say something or just fade into silence.
Then, Dave turned around, flashing me a small, hesitant smile. "Hey, I was starting to think you wouldn’t come," he said in a softer than normal almost…gentle tone of voice.
"Yeah… well I’m here," I said, my voice coming out softer than I really meant. When silence fell, I had to fight the urge not to bolt out of the room. But before I could do anything brash, Dave strode over the room, thrusting a pair of headphones at me.
"Here," he said, "I want you to hear something."
I took the headphones from him, careful not to touch his fingers. There was an uncomfortable meld of stress as well as warmth between us.
I carefully put on the headphones, and he hit a button on the console. Instantly, my ears filled with guitar. It was a new track they were working on, and it was…beautiful. Heavy, yes, but there was a melody in it that never failed to accompany a Megadeth song.
I glanced over at him, and he was staring straight at me, like my reaction meant more to him than anything else in the world. "It's really good, Dave," I smiled, and I meant it. His face relaxed, and he almost looked relieved.
“You think so?" he asked, and for the first time sounded uncertain of himself, which came as a rather big surprise coming from someone like him. I nodded, and he smiled again, his freckled cheeks crinkling slightly.
“It’s called A Tout Le Monde.”
Through the day Dave continued to surprise me. He was reserved around me, almost… shy. It was like he knew I was nervous and had been trying to put me at my ease in whatever way he could.
He asked me what I thought of the music, he was genuinely interested in my opinions, and whenever he spoke, it was a quiet voice, never once raising it, even when the band started arguing over some riff or another.
Whenever he had to leave the room, he'd give me this reassuring look, like, "I'll be right back, okay?”
At one point, on a break, he turned to me and asked me if I wanted tea. Not coffee, tea. I don't know why, but that made me smile. He was just sweet in this unexpected way, a very shocking change to his reputation.
He got it for me himself and brought it to me carefully so as not to spill a single drop. I could feel his eyes on me as I took a sip.
“Good?" he asked nervously.
"It's perfect," I said, giving him a sweet nod.
The longer I sat, the less concerned I was about the terrifying ‘idea’ of Mustaine. He glances at me throughout the day, and the guys could very much tell.
As night came quickly, the band began to pack up. Dave stayed around me, and I felt like he wanted to say something. There was something in the air, that made me want to punch myself to see if maybe it would stop.
"Are you doing anything next week?" he suddenly asked, a little too casual, trying to play it cool but failing.
"I don't think so, why?" I returned, my heart starting to quiver.
"Well, uh," he started off, scratching the back of his neck in a boyish way, "the American Music Awards are next week, and I was wondering if you'd want to go with me… As my date."
My heart basically melted, he was so cute. His cheeks were pink and his hazel eyes flicked between my face and the carpet.
He is a man who can snarl to the world and earn a crowds respect, and here he is, nervous and blushing while waiting for my answer.
I paused, not because I didn't want to go, but this was a side of Dave I hadn't expected. Dave Mustaine was asking me out, and my heart softened at his gentleness.
"I'd love to," I said finally, the biggest smile spreading over my lips.
"Great," he said, beaming wide. "I promise, it’ll be a good time."
“I know it will be.”
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jemandthesingalongs · 11 hours
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so a second article has hit the da fandom and i'm in the part of the "this is genuinely so disappointing i'm considering not actually preordering/playing on release". i'm sure i'll come to terms with it and still get it but this really has been such a blow to my sheer enthusiasm that is like...incredible really for me as a fan invested in this franchise for over a decade to put me (and others) so low lmao
(under a cut bc it got stupidly long, a cookie if you read all of it)
one of the big "reasons" i've seen parroted by the fandom and the justification from the devs is (paraphrasing) you're in the north and all of these major decisions are in the south, which is frankly, stupid? sure, the choices of the divine wouldn't matter too much (if the circles are disbanded or not, for example) but the divine choice itself, should matter? the throne of ferelden? orlais??? these are major characters!
whoever is the sitting ruler of ferelden, regardless of the choice, has obv, lived through a blight not 20 some odd years prior. so one could imagine they would be invested in this, you know, double blight is going on and would like to help or help for their country? given the fact one of the last of the two archdemon prisons is canonly within ferelden!! marketing has also started the blight has spread across thedas, so one would think the current world leaders would be supporting or at least looking to the group seemingly working on stopping the blight. but i guess not since it's not a choice.
even setting aside the lore and plot significance of the majority of choices, even if it truly did not matter, you can say the exact same for choices within dai itself, however the devs knew the desire to have that impact + fan service, even minor, still superseded lore and plot significance. the hof letter and mentions by their romance partner is clearly fan service (since tbh i doubt leliana or morrigan would willingly talk about their partner themselves) but it was also telling you, the player, where your mc was. another example is there is no impact who the sitting king of orzammar is, but the game still mentions in a codex the consequences of that choice, even if the anvil was kept or not in ambient dialogue.
these and many more mattered, not in a world shaping way, but to tell you, the player, yes you played in this world and here's the acknowledgement of it, thank you. i didn't need to decide the fate of the world to enjoy leliana talking about my warden or varric supporting templars because my hawke did, because it still felt like i mattered, that yes this is a world i changed, even in a small way, that i lived in it.
and they removed all of that.
like, hell it was even a good way to "check-in" in choices and characters without dedicating entire plot beats to them! the epilogue for a non-divine!romanced leliana heavily implies she and the warden are still doing their own things but meeting up when hey can. that aside the cure? the fucking cure??? did they find it? did they share it with the other wardens? was it suppressed? the other members of the inquisition were invested in stopping solas, what about them? since you are literally going to their turf, is dorian, josephine, isabela, and even bull okay? is zevran or fenris going to be ignored? fenris had a whole comic about him!
the only way i can take this is being told to no longer be invested in previous material, even material leading up to this game. even if i know that's not really the truth, it really feels that way.
i don't even like the excuse for getting newbies into the series, because, well, dai did that fine WITH returning characters and overall plots lol? there's a loss of some context and dai itself had writing flaws with this method, but it did show you could have both returning and new players work fine, and not alienate said new players despite it being the 3rd game.
speaking of dai, why bother making the choices so endgame linear if they wouldn't of even mattered? why no matter your choice of divine, another group rises up to oppose her? why have the grey wardens going quiet and possibly on the brink of civil war, exiled or no? i had assumed at the time the bottlenecking was future proofing to create less variables, and i guess i was wrong since there are no more variables lol!
i'm genuinely not sure what they truly thought would be the reaction, given they are still trying to pull returning players via the marketing? like. varric, harding, morrigan returning, the focus on the grey wardens as a group (and likely why davrin gets such a spotlight) are all indications for returning players. fuck even solas, no matter what you feel about him, is a returning npc! to resolve his plot!!!
i never truly believed we would see big huge cameos, i did expect the divine, those who live in the north, but otherwise simple codex entries or letters if anything.
but to have.......nothing? be left with nothing? burns.
i do mean this completely honestly: what is the point of investing myself, my time, my money, hell even just interest in this series anymore? without the impact of previous games (or a better lore reason, such as a longer timeskip than 5 fucking years since the last dlc) then this is your run of the mill rpg with better writing than most, but that's all it'd really have. i didn't fully play or get into the series because of the decisions carrying over, but it sure as fuck kept me and others coming back. if this is the norm going forward past da4 then well, might as well pick any other rpg series.
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goldkirk · 9 months
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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giantkillerjack · 2 years
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One of the things I love about Glass Onion is the way that the camera and music work together to tell nonverbal jokes.
Like when Benoit basically has to hold Miles' hand to get him to the conclusion that someone reset the puzzle box Benoit lies about receiving:
Benoit asks if it's possible that someone reset the box, and Miles then declares that someone must have reset the box like it is this huge reveal - and the camera zooms out while the music subtly swells as though he really has figured out something smart, when actually he literally restated what Benoit just said.
#original#I love the reveal that he's not even a smart con artist he's just a piece of shit#he's just a shameless copycat that people keep enabling to do bad things bc they assume he knows what he's talking about bc he's rich#like that line in Fiddler on the Roof - 'it won't matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right cuz you're rich they think you really know!'#glass onion#knives out glass onion#benoit blanc#Daniel Craig#ed norton#I hope the YouTuber sideways does a video about this because he does incredible music theory videos about movie scores#and I bet there are a bunch of hidden meanings within the music that I have no idea how to pick out#that man is like a wizard to me I don't understand how someone can understand music that much!#So cool!#I started this movie like 2 hours ago and I'm barely half an hour in cuz I keep stopping to write film theory essays on Tumblr#oh Adderall you cad!#I have no regrets I feel like this is helping me understand film better. i care a lot about the language of Storytelling#and I must say my favorite medium is film. I am writing a graphic novel right now but if I knew I could just skip that part and make it#into a show. I would do that. I don't wanna draw that much! I like drawing! but I want to see it as a show!!#this is too many drawings!!!!!#but for various reasons the film industry is not really a great place for me - or even possible as a physically disabled person#hard to work yourself up to the director's chair when all the entry positions involve standing for 14 hours at a time#I hope that if I ever do manage to make my graphic novel into a TV show that I will maintain enough control over the project to ensure#accessible hiring practices and workplaces#but in the meantime I guess I have to make waaaay too many drawings#no I can't shorten the story I don't have that kind of control it is an epic saga and the world's longest Slow Burn and that is that
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brittlebutch · 8 months
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a lot of people seem to use Entry #61 as 'proof' for the crux of the "Brian didn't care about Tim, he was Taking Advantage of Tim's conditions and Forcing him to work as part of totheark" thing, but honestly when you think about it there's no possible way Brian could have possibly orchestrated that series of events, like you almost have to interpret that as a baffling group of coincidences
#N posts stuff#mh lb#it's not like Brian has loads of mutual friends that he could ask to call Tim out one night; Tim's departure right as Brian showed up#just has to be a coincidence ; second yes. Brian does steal Tim's meds & that's a dick move but it's almost safe to assume#that Tim and Brian had been sharing prescriptions back in S1 - that's why the pills were at Brian's house that time Jay broke in#even if Tim no longer remembers that agreement it's not like Brian is brimming with other options so i can see the throughline of it#but there's NO way that Brian knew that 1) Tim was going to immediately turn around and come back home OR#2) be in the throes of an attack when he did so ; there's no Possible way he planned for that -- even if you Could assume that like. what#Brian 'knows' the operator is following him & Somehow orchestrated an encounter 1) no that doesn't make any sense and#2) that Still doesn't make any sense bc Tim has been Plenty Close to the Operator before w/ almost no negative effects (like in#Entry 17 when it's Right behind him) so there's no possible way Brian could have predicted that would unfold this way#sure it's weird he sets up the camera in the closet before Tim comes back but that Could Have been something unrelated#after all sometimes Brian DOES deliberately put himself on camera so someone knows he's responsible for something#or maybe he even planned to leave the camera there for later but it doesn't make Sense to interpret that as him Knowing what would happen#like don't get me wrong i'm not trying to say Brian is a pinnacle of ethics and moral behavior lmfao but also it's like#a kind of incomprehensible argument to make that he was Responsible for Triggering Tim's seizure that night when for all the#information Brian had on hand when he broke in he'd think Tim probably wouldn't be back home until much later#(''but the Creators Clearly intended'' yeah sure but since the creators also failed to establish a coherent series of events that SHOW#it then like. the intent doesn't matter anymore; sure they scripted the events in close succession but that doesn't mean they#scripted Intent & if they meant to then they did a bad job portraying it to the point the supposed intent is meaningless sorry lmao)#and EVEN IF you get this far and you're Still like 'but tim went after Jay and Brian would've Known he'd do that' like. no he wouldn't#because in Entry 18 when we see Tim have a seizure the first thing he does when jay approaches him after it is Run Away#so Again there's no consistent throughline of behaviors that Brian could have Possibly known about to orchestrate jack shit
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sullina · 2 months
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i think part of what makes so many people just flock to dungeon meshi as well is that it's also a story involving an autistic main character, who actually IS the main character
Because many stories will have an autistic character in them and then the story is more about how all the neurotypical people AROUND the autistic character deal with the characters autism, and the autistic character ends up as a side-character in a story that's supposed to be ABOUT them.
But in dungeon meshi, Laios especially is so much the main character! And i know he's not the only one, and not the only autistic character obv, and i know the story isn't about just him alone OR his autism...
But we get Laios' perspective. On just about everything. The story is, in the roughest terms, about the party venturing into the dungeon in order to save Falin, who got eaten by the red dragon. They're on a time constraint and have no money or equipment except what they literally have on their backs. That's the story.
Another author, a worse author, probably wouldn't have made Laios the party leader. A worse author would've relegated Laios to the "weird, awkward newbie who's excited about monsters but doesn't have the slightest clue or experience with them" who's job would've been to cite fun facts about whatever monster they encounter from some book he carries around, and the main interactions between him and the party would've been them yelling at him or calling him weird, to the point where you're wondering what this characters purpose even is in the story beyond comic relief.
And I'm so glad we didn't get this.
Instead of a story that emphasizes how "weird and unlikable" this weird character is, we get Laios being the partys leader, who, yes, is weird, but also competent and knowledgable and skilled and also is still a full character, with thoughts and feelings of his own, who actually speaks his mind and interacts with others on equal footing, who defends himself when he KNOWS he isn't in the wrong.
Laios and Shuros confrontation is both shocking, and also a huge breath of fresh air.
(Also, i know that "Shuro" isn't his real name but i can't remember his real name and I can't be bothered to look it up rn)
Shuro tells Laios to learn to read the room. A worse author would've had Laios apologize to Shuro for his own incompetence, but instead of meekly accepting that accusation, Laios throws it back in Shuros own face. That Shuro should've just been direct and honest with Laios when he KNEW that Laios wasn't getting it, instead of just playing along and letting that resentment fester.
And Laios is not only shouting it out, speaking his mind, and refusing to be treated as lesser than anyone else just because he can't "read the room", but he's also portrayed as RIGHT! Shuro would've have had to put up with Laios, whom he didn't like, but whom he let believe that they were friends, if he had just TOLD Laios he didn't like him DIRECTLY.
and look, i know that there's some hints or pages or whatever you wanna call them, that Shuro is also autistic, but comes with a different background, which basically just makes him and Laios incompatible in a certain sense.
But even with all that, Shuro still had no right to fault Laios for his shortcomings, when his own shortcomings played just as much of a role in their eventual confrontation. And the difference? Shuro KNEW how he himself AND Laios felt, but Laios only knew how he himself felt. Shuro was at an advantage in their situation, and he still faulted Laios and made him out to be this villain, who was purposely trying to make Shuro miserable, when Shuro himself NEVER opened his mouth to correct Laios!
And the thing is, Shuro isn't in the wrong for not liking Laios. Shuro is in the wrong for blowing up at Laios without EVER even giving him the chance to correct his behaviour!
And Laios KNOWS this, and he REFUSES to just apologize for something that wasn't even his fault! How could he possibly have known Shuro didn't like him, when Shuro never gave him any kind of indication of that fact?
And that's just it, isn't it?
Because I know I've experienced this kind of situation, even if exact memories don't come to mind, and I know other autistic or otherwise neurodivergent people have experienced this kind of thing. Of someone whom they were just having a normal conversation with or whom they considered a friend, just randomly blowing up at them for no conceivable reason. From our perspective, the other person just randomly decided they didn't like us anymore, didn't care about us anymore and wanted to be rid of us, or decided we were suddenly just evil, and they got mad at us, yelled at us, called us names, and then just left. And we're left confused and sad and, having no other information to go off of, because none was given to us, are bound to come to the conclusion that there's something wrong with us. We're just not likeable and any kindness from other people coming our way is just them being too polite to say anything until they've decided they had enough of us and abandon us. Because they never liked us. They were just too polite to say anything until they couldn't take us anymore.
#i won't lie that specific situation feel pretty personal#not to me specifically but to the author#because I'm not sure if any “normal” (neurotypical) person ever thinks about things like this#they just think we're dumb or malicious or something and don't even consider that maybe we just don't have all the pieces#and instead of just telling us we get treated like we've either evil or like we're children with the end result being that we get yelled at#and abandoned#oh hey while writing this a memory DID come to mind#in elementary school i wanted to play with these two classmates#and the thing is that they've apparently decided to play tag with me on the playground#except they didn't tell ME#so i was left looking for them all over while they kept running away from me for reasons i had no idea of#and the only reason i figured it out is bc i actually did get to see them once and was making a beeline for them only for them to point at#me and run away the moment they saw me#and i saw them doing that since i was beelining for them#can you imagine how hurt and betrayed i felt after that?#i had no idea why they were running from me#it's been 15 years and i still don't know#so the only reason i have left for why they could've done that is as a mean prank on me#because what other reason could there have been?#i've never been mean to them as far as i knew. from my perspective there was no reason for them to dislike me#and i know that others have had similar experiences and is it really any wonder that neurodivergent people have so much trouble making frie#*friends?#dungeon meshi#laios touden#laios dungeon meshi
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tanicus-caesareth · 5 months
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guarana drama, damage control
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tittyinfinity · 2 months
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No seroquel means no sleep for me I guess. I've been trying for hours
#decided if im gonna be awake i may as well do something other than wallow in thoughts that cause me anxiety#just super fucked up that i went from believing i could no longer feel romantic attraction#to suddenly being flooded with feelings#and like he didn't even confess romantic feelings for me he just said hed be down to fuck sometime#usually id just be like yeah that's fine i don't usually catch feelings#so it's fucking me up that im having romantic feelings towards someone who probably doesnt feel that way#and it's fucking me up that i caught feelings from being TOLD he'd like to fuck we haven't even done that#sigh i can't pretend like those feelings weren't already there and just extremely repressed....#kept having so many dreams about being in love w him... I'd do everything i could to shake the feeling off#it comes down to insecurities#feeling like i make too many mistakes to be with someone as good as him#the fear that I'll stress him out#one of the most amazing people I've ever met. he has respected my boundaries for years#and i guess those boundaries were only firmly in place bc i knew deep down it would spark something#honestly i felt a huge spark hours before he even told me#whenever he came up behind me and hugged me on the neck#his lips accidentally brushed against my neck and i swooned#we haven't talked since that night but he said he wants to have a conversation about it when he's not busy#he has two jobs#his 2nd one lasting til 1am#but yeah thinking about what he might say is making me nervous#like what if he suddenly decides that it IS too risky#i don't think ill be able to kick these feelings#at least i let him know head on that i might fall in love w him if we pursue anything else#but we haven't even pursued shit!! and i feel this way already!!#i guess not ''in love'' but the crush is hard-fucking-core#the kind of crush i havent had since meeting my ex 7 years ago...#i forgot what the feeling was like. and it's.... so strong#.bdo
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tomwambsmilk · 2 years
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It's 100% true that the Roy siblings did not choose to be Logan's children and Tom and Greg and the old guard did choose to work for him so their relationships to Logan are fundamentally different, and the degree of culpability they bear for their own moral degradation is also wildly different. But workplace emotional abuse is also very real and omnipresent in the way Logan treats the people who work for him. And one of the impacts of workplace emotional abuse is creating an extreme attachment to the abuser and becoming less cognizant and even defensive of their abuse towards yourself and others, and in cases where the emotional abuse is institutionalized and systemic it can also create a strong aversion to leaving because your whole sense of personal identity becomes wrapped up in the organization and so being forced to leave can cause an intense psychological crisis. I don't think the situation of working for Logan is at all equivalent to being his child but I also think that it's a bit misguided to imply that Tom and Gerri and Frank and Karl are operating from a place of pure rationality without any undue psychological influences when they make the choice to stay with and support Logan
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#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the#old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't#it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there#which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th#to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see#your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves#only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post#on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to#miss one to this day. going strong#bibarel#can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal#OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who#didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like#better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel#so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu#do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o#any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog#and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see#hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me#actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so
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httpiastri · 11 months
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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parkitaco · 8 months
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i had to go look up what you're talking about lmao but like the anon was obviously a mean spirited asshole but you straight up asked people to tell you their opinion on your steve voice....
yk what anon i see where ur coming from but i also said be nice. and that's a real fucking easy thing to do. so you can fuck off too <3
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luvsavos · 8 months
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random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently
#mar.txt#it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one#maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get#maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important.#maybe it's just the all-consuming,gaping hole of loneliness within me#idk.#i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it#feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction#a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro,but willing to be in a relationship provided the other#person isn't bothered by them being aro,bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings#i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the#only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of#actually caring#'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things#because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they#could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting)#and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends#the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to#me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance#i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad.#to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much.#i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's#most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love,yeah? ha.#maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships,#those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have.#anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the#burden of feeling such intense,suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly.#i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.
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apocalypticdemon · 1 month
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man. i really thought i knew where this was going and now. i once again realize i have no idea what i'm doing
#i was gonna try to do something where i mirrored as much of canon as i could#but that's not really gonna work with the setting i have i don't think#but. today i got like 2-3 different ideas and figured out how to make character motivations make more sense#and how to reflect a few different major canon events in this one#when my plan was originally to only make vague reference to them or ignore them wholesale#so. augh. now i have to figure all this out again#it's fine i'm having fun but god. good goddamn do i have no idea what i'm doing#it's also one of those things where i Know i'm gonna get pretty serious rsd from posting it#bc i know this au is niche#there are literally no people in my life outside of my immediate family that cares about the sports fusion this is.#and i am having an incredibly fun time making this indycar au#but i also feel it in my bones that i'm gonna put in all this work and like. very few people are gonna click on it#just bc of the relative unpopularity of this particular motorsport#it would absolutely be more popular if this was a formula 1 fusion. might even make sense with how much of the cast is european#unfortunately for me i do not give a single damn about f1. indycar is my bag#so. it's my fic and i'll mash my fixations together the way i want to#this isn't really bitching that much bc i am Going To Write This Regardless Of Consequences#but i can feel this one being. niche.#and to round off what i started this with: i really thought i knew what my plot was. and now i am realizing that i am going to#constantly be making changes to it for a while#and i'm starting school again in like. a week. so this will slow me down even more
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roobylavender · 10 months
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i missed that class what dont you like about starlins rendition of their relationship?
(and also like, DID you think he did something in particular well or was it all…meh
the crux of my issues in this regard stems from batman #416. in the post-crisis era you began to see this way more lopsided depiction of bruce and dick's relationship wherein the former was portrayed to be almost.. bitter that dick had moved on to establish his own life. and it stood in great, great contrast to the bruce of the pre-crisis era, who was certainly devastated at the realization that dick was growing up, but also very intent for him to find his own happiness and way in life. they would have their disagreements on occasion (e.g., bruce initially disapproving of dick dropping out of college, bruce immediately taking leadership of a situation where the titans were involved when dick was better equipped to handle it, etc.) but the outcome of those situations was never outright bad yknow. bruce was very much capable of recognizing where he might have overstepped and subsequently stepped back to let dick have his own space. and i think initially max allan collins expanded on that dynamic in the post-crisis era in interesting ways by juxtaposing bruce's desire to see dick flourish against his own constant fear for dick's life. so instead of mike w. barr's comedic and lighthearted backup stories in early 80s tec where bruce disguised himself to keep an eye on dick's shenanigans and assure himself everything was going alright, you got this more serious confrontation within bruce with regards to his position as a parent. i don't think a lot of people read it that deeply but i've always viewed batman #408 as one of the most sensible depictions of that dilemma. the general complaints tend to be that this issue robbed dick of his pre-crisis decision to retire robin on his own, and i'll concede that as a worthwhile concern. but i don't think it's esp damning what with the implication that bruce no longer wants to be the person indirectly making the decision for dick to continue to be in this line of work. their moment at dick's bedside is less about bruce robbing him of the decision and more about him saying, if i let you still be robin, that's a direct reflection on me, bc i'm the one who got you to do all of this originally. i'm the one who put you directly in harm's way. if you're going to do this from now on, you need to do it on your own terms. you need to decide for yourself that this is who you want to be, without your relationship with me even being a factor.
it's a moment contributive to that delicious dynamic between them wherein every decision bruce takes to service dick's agency is inevitably read the wrong way by the latter to imply that he's not valued or not worthy of being seen as bruce's equal (and before the hounds pounce on me this obv does not include the increasingly abusive depiction of their relationship as the 90s progressed). that is an unavoidable dilemma when you're simultaneously someone's ward/adopted son and also their partner-in-crime! dick wants to be bruce's son and to be entitled to all of the love and care and protection that that entails but he also wants to be bruce's brother, his equal, his confidante, the one person he trusts more than anyone else in the world, etc. it's a tough place to be! it is paradoxical! and i'm so, so open to seeing that explored and think the way collins attempted to approach it in #408 was marvelous. but the way starlin (and other writers as well) totally swerved right in #416 to create this sudden resentment in bruce that dick had grown out of needing him was.. so utterly bizarre. like completely out of left field in a way i don't understand why people don't question it anymore bc in light of everything in the immediate fifteen years prior to the crisis it makes so little sense. their relationship with each other was so valued, bruce was so anxious to see dick establish himself while nonetheless maintaining a protectiveness over him, but it was all very much in good will even if he could overstep on occasion. it had all of the potential to allow for a very nuanced, empathetic exploration into the dilemmas of parenthood and esp when you are someone like bruce who has to forever live and contend with the crime of taking kids with him out onto the streets. bc he has to feel guilty! there is no escaping it. this is history, done and dusted forever, can't go back in time, so on and so forth. whatever harm comes any robin's way he has to live with as in some part being traceable back to his own actions. and i frankly believe that would be far more likely to evoke grief and anxiousness and concern than it would be bitterness that his son is charting out his own life
#as to do i think starlin did anything well. hmm#i like that he was able to acknowledge that jason's parents were loving people despite their circumstances#it didn't matter that willis was a criminal. what mattered was that he loved his family and would've done anything for them#which was a rare concession from starlin bc his writing could be pretty classist elsewhere#but at the same time idk sometimes i read it back and it's like. i don't think he was actually as classist as winick was ultimately#like it's been a While since i reread the starlin issues#but you could tell he believed jason's demise was less about his social class and more about being unable to fully recover from#or process his trauma as a result of the life he'd lived and the things he'd experience. hence the garzonas saga#and even in a death in the family the question is never about whether jason is acting out bc he's criminally inclined#bruce explicitly says he doesn't think he's given jason enough time to mentally and emotionally recover and that's why#he suspends him. so even starlin knew it was about the trauma first and foremost#and i mean that somewhat goes in line with his reasons for wanting to kill robin to begin with#he thought robin was symbolically representative of child abuse#in that it wasn't the conduit through which a young boy should necessarily grow#and ideally? the way to explore that in a medium that Requires the existence of child vigilantes#would have been to make the distinction that while there is always going to be some danger to every robin at the end of the day#what made the danger to jason distinct was that robin didn't work to resolve His trauma specifically#what robin did for dick is never something it could have done for jason let alone tim. there were too many other factors at play#so if this dilemma had been approached that way rather than starlin pursuing a blanket robin is child abuse ideology#that was subsequently picked up by other writers. then i think we might have gotten somewhere quite interesting#but anyway yeah so he's not my most hated by any means. there are parts i love there are parts i hate#ultimately at the end of the day winick will always be a gazillion times worse#outbox
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llycaons · 10 months
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okay I thought about the similarities between jfm and jc's unrequited crushes who prefer their 'servant's' company to their own and it looped around from being tragic to being really funny again. jc pined after wq so clumsily and unsuccessfully with the stupid fucking comb she didn't care about because SHE AND HER FAMILY WERE POLITICAL TARGETS AT THE TIME and HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER AT ALL and she 100% always preferred the company of wwx, who was genuinely fun to be around, as intelligent and selfless as she was, understood and respected the delicate political position she was in, treated her like an individual, knew what was important to her, helped her family, and sacrificed everything for her safety. wq literally would rather have lived a doomed life in a starving refugee camp with wwx and her family than accept a marriage proposal from jc, jc wq shippers how does it feel to be fucking clowns
#you can say that decision was just for her family. but you could tell how much she loved wwx too and how little she cared about jc#he sucks to be around and whoever is in his life just needs to be someone who's inexplicably into that and it is NOT wq#she has her own shit she can't be babying him and soothing his self-esteem issues!!! the cultivation world had her family in a death camp#like WHAT would be the appeal here???? 'he cares about his family like she does' actually he publicly denounced his brother who is her#really good friend so...????? no?????? do they think she thinks he's hot??? isn't that a little superficial???#his sarcasm and prickliness don't gel with her sincerity and guardedness. she wouldn't like his joking roughhousing and she's more mature#than all that anyway....also I can't think of a single time he even looked wen ning's way pre-ss and wn is THE most important person to her#and its actually disgustingly ooc to see how jc wq shippers just act like he doesn't exist. bc what they can't pretend he'd get along with#wn effectively? but that's wen ning!!!! how is she married to someone who doesn't care about him or even hates him!#WHERE'S THAT POST LIKE#jc: lady wen may I rub thine feet? feed you grapes?#wq: uhhhh#wwx: hey wq!#wq: wei wuxian! *they do a 15 step handshake*#jc: okay guys I'll just be uhh. over here#wwx and wq: laughing together#UGH she was so great. travesty of the century that she died like that for the emotional development of a male character!!!#I really do like wq tho I don't really know what to say about her. she was a solemn character who knew her ending far before anyone else di#and didn't fight it for her own sake only for her family's#I just hope she was able to be at peace in the end. it seems so cruel that she was ripped away from the only person she truly wanted#to be with forever#ALSO her entire thing is repaying debts!!! which he categorically FAILED to do!!! she wouldn't respect that or find it admirable/attractive#he probably looked like a fucking impotent self-centered coward. which he WAS! SHE SAVED HIS LIFE!!!!#cql txp
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