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clingylilhoneybee · 2 years

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Did not expect something so small to be my breaking point but holy fuck I need out of this job

#to be as vague as humanly possible #I have a folder where all my silly lil work goes #and sometimes my silly little work needs to go to someone to give me some silly information before I finish that lil work #so I make cute lil sub folders to tuck those guys away bc they’re not done #but I’m not touching them for like over a week until I hear back from the powers that be #and we just got told #to make deadline days easier #(one fucking day a month)#we now can’t have sub folders #so I’m somehow expected to keep like 15+ things straight #bc I can’t tuck them away #and that is making me so irrationally angry #bc it’s gonna fuck with my productivity so much #to figure out what thing I’m gonna be working on #when I have all this shit in my folder #and part of our deadline days was LITERALLY TO GET RID OF THESE SUBFOLDERS #and we had a meeting today to justify this #and they just… didn’t give us any more information #this is absolutely one of the smaller things #but to just do this bs that inconveniences us so much the entire month #so we save like a couple hours (MAYBE) once a month #for the higher ups who have to do quality check stuff on these folders #is my breaking point

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biblically-accurate-dca · 3 months

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moon n ballora

#my art #daycare attendant #dca fandom #moondrop #ballora #sorry to all the sl fans who r sick of hearing about the daycare attendant HFJSJGKDJG #anyway its real funny how i can draw the dca at a side view fairly well but ballora? fucking impossible #i wanted to keep it more in line w/ her canon design bc then otherwise moon would look weird but UGHHH i did NOT draw her well #this drawing is like. roughly a month old by now? but i wanted to post something #i havent been drawing as much bc of art block hell!!!!!! so if posts r slower thats why #i did go through my hundreds of drafts to put some posts in the queue though so those will be going for roughly 2 months at the current rat #theres still... a lot of posts in my drafts though... oops #also. did you guys hear that theyre making a whole ass dca pin set #the dca is like the perfect cash cow of merch now. pisses me off a little ngl HFJZJFKSJG #gonna be fun to see them release product after product as the masses go crazy over it again and again #im being kind of negative i know but. god #im honestly just posting this as an excuse to rant about it without making a whole post for it HFKZJFKD #i fucking knew this was gonna happen but man! it still sucks #anyway uhh if youre gonna buy merch buy fanmade stuff and bootlegs instead!#be aware of where your money is going!#... that's all i'll say about it

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oifaaa · 1 year

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lying in the dirt thinking about how they made jason the impulsive brash bat when thats cass.

"the bat that punch first and asks questions later" thats cass thats casssssss

Cass' way of dealing with steph for a long while was just to knock her out and run off girl just does what she wants and I love her for it

#ask #anon #also someone on that post mentioned how long jasons shopping list is #bc he probably does so much pre planning into best cheapest products #and yeah you cant convince me jason isn't one of those pro coupon people #he probably started with Catherine and now he just loves doing it #also off topic #but absolutely fucking horrible day at work today #i knew September was gonna be a shit show but Jesus fucking christ did not realise itd be so soon #this month is gonna kick my ass someone send help plz

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welcometoteyvat · 3 months

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as a chinese person yall need to stop blaming the ccp for everything (read: hoyo is capable of making colorist design decisions and not everything is a result of censorship pls)

#the govt is v racist while also doing like a lot of rlly questionable economic exploits but also: as a company hoyo can suck #please read what china actually censors and what historical nihilism covers #also: sumeru proves that a) they can make brown people b) the '''race'' dynamics were literally crucial to the plot #it was *intentional* that the rainforest region designs were pale and the desert designs were (a rather laughable) tanned because it added #to the colorism plot they tried weaving into the academic and knowledge inequality plot #so i think it's also gonna be intentional that the natlan designs are pale like they're not fucking fools #open at will: hater behavior #also: you fail to consider that mandatory (for cn server) skins for old 1.x characters got released bc they decided they were too revealing #however neither kaeya nor xinyan's skintones got changed; sumeru released as normal #literally based on what's been changed: the only thing hoyo seems to be out of line with right now is excessive cleavage on some fem chars #i dont think the skin tone censorship is the real issue. maybe the company is just. a product of the colorism and biases #in china/asia as a whole #it's not 'oh ccp censored them' maybe their skin tones are just colorist #this is technically a ''''subtweet'''' as they say but it's also: bro ccp is not the end all be all bogeyman #also idc if you are from the cultures that genshin tries repping in game but gets skin tone godawfully wrong idc you have the right to ask #for more from them and call them out for colorism! it's a societal thing yeah but they can also do so much better #edit: another thing about this is like: yall are literally infantalizing chinese ppl like do u think cn people can't be racist of tehir own #free will?? the government is the only thing forcing them to be racist?? get a grip. not everything is because of the ccp oh my fucking god

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britneyshakespeare · 9 months

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My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things

#im sorry i cant be her (my searching lines)#i cant stop thinking about this drawing i have a sinking feeling that im gonna be very unhappy when its done #or. not unhappy. but not as excited as i feel about it now!#i only worked in two short chunks on it but both were pretty productive #i have a feeling that when i take the time to really dedicate myself to it im gonna fuck something up #like i can see areas i need to/can improve already but the glaring flaws are ok! bc it's not finished!#it OVERALL looks cool and LOOKS like it has the potential to turn out well #but will it... WILL IT??? WILL IT EVER?#i have never been so totally completely satisfied w any finished drawing ive dedicated myself to fully.#tales from diana #this is also only the second time ive done a really deliberate self-portrait that wasnt in some for or another. practice #like of course ive drawn my face before. not that often actually. but since yes i do draw. i have drawn myself #i probably should've drawn myself more times for how often i think id like a nice picture of myself #but then again its not gonna be so 'nice' if i make it and am not totally happy w it?#see one of the ppl who inspired me to learn to draw is ned @sneez my dearest. he's spoiled me before #and drawn me very beautifully on several occasions and it's very much a thing to move one's heart #to see someone dedicate their talent to depicting YOU.#and i might say HE has made me look more beautiful in art than i think i'll ever look in the flesh #which is not to say he drew me inaccurately. but he's so talented that his art is more beautiful than life.#and i dont compare myself in skill to him bc he's been doing it for YEARS and way more trained than me in the visual arts.#like it simply wouldn't be fair so i only compare myself to myself. naturally #but i used to think. very VAINLY i might say. that if i could draw like him id draw beautiful pictures of myself all the time #well ce n'est pas ca mon ami. since learning to draw i've found im much more interested in drawing ppl i find beautiful #rather than myself. im not art. not through my own eyes at least.#i should really draw ned sometime. i really should.#actually somewhat embarrasingly i tried to draw him like 5 or 6 years ago. and i NEVER tried to draw then #i did show him tho and he thought it was very impressive but that's probably just bc he loves me. xoxox #maybe ill post that someday as a throwback just for the hell of it. lol. thatd be cute

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soppsop · 1 year

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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless #ok gonna start rambling here a bit #vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society #in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing #drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful #i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard #sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames #oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school #i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor #what is up with these neurologists man #i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome #don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually #and i'm fucking amazing at drawing

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themyscirah · 6 months

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But look at us Luke, we're the ones left alone, holding some rich monster's pain. All of existence, built on his violence. All of space-time, humming to life with a single inviolate rule. Give the hero something to punch.

#kate kane #duke thomas #luke fox #outsiders #dc comic edit #comic edit #dc comics #my first time using photoshop lmao #got it for free with my school adobe acc and obviously im gonna abuse it for comic editing purposes. although i skipped all the tutorials #and just fucked around so idk this isnt like impressive. couldnt find buttons for a lot of what i wanted to do but i think i was just looki #in the wrong spots. anyways yeah.#batman #panel from outsiders no 3 ofc #dont know what else i say here. this is v much the product of me procrastinating writing an essay draft #if the format is weird im sorry im on tumblr desktop which idk how to use. bc photoshop is on my computer and also i turned my phone off so #would stay off my phone and focus. which obviously worked rlly well lmao #swishy's comic edits #panelposting #not rlly but ill tag that too for personal reference. yeah #bats #anyways this issue is so funny to me. like yes lets talk about how batman is everywhere and is taking over everything and also cant die. in #a batman comic that is taking over things (notably the team name etc) from other characters #IRONY!!!!#anyways dark multiverse(? idfk) duke thomas i love you. you can kill as many versions of bruce wayne as you like <3

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fortjester · 2 days

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accountability post

donate clothes ✔️

get petrol (low prices fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes) ✔️

actually fucking research + buy internet plan for new place ✔️

do my washing (pending)

start packing you idiot (pending)

#i am moving house again not this weekend coming but the one after and i have Not Started Packing Yet bc i suck #fuck off lou #my post #fridays i usually spend rotting but today that is Not An Option #i have to be productive and functional and shit #also new place has meagre ass closet space so i have to be serious abt how much of my current wardrobe i actually wear #/will wear in the future #yes i look good in it #am i ever gonna wear it tho. be real w me

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orcelito · 1 month

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All these new fic for the reverse bangs and im sitting here like Man I'd love to read these. I got naruto, though. 🫡 I'll get to them eventually

#speculation nation #and what time im.not spending on naruto im spending writing #or uh. getting my blood drawn. 10 of them. 10 whole blood.#real talk that fucked me up actually. like i talked big to the nurse like 'oh ive donated blood before i'll be fine'#but what i failed to think about was the fact that donating blood also fucked me up #im a small person with a sensitive constitution. my body dont like it.#so i was out of commission for a day and well now im uh. i dont even know. ive been crocheting today.#trying to write bc im on a strict deadline 💀💀💀💀 i will make it. i will. im determined to.#school starts in a week tho Augh and i have psychological testing (4 HOURS) AND my dentist appointment on the SAME. DAY.#tuesday babeyyy whatup. it's gonna suck.#tomorrow i have to shower and do laundry. at the minimum. bcus then theres tuesday and THEN i have a haircut on wednesday #getting my side shave yessssir. going to an actual place rather than just greatclips again . lol.#ummmmm all that considered i might request to not have a driving thing this week. too much shit to do.#wahh wahhh so many appointments. and i am NOT going to get a good grade in flossing.#why didnt i start flossing sooner than this. at least it doesnt hurt as much as it did yesterday. i still wont be ready in time tho.#oh well tomorrow i have to be productive. i need to watch less naruto. no not even with itachi and sasuke fight. not even then.#im just gonna lie down in. the dirt now.

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truecorvid · 2 months

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#there r a lot of posts on here about voting and your rights as a voter that i like. don't Disagree with.#but they're written with such condescension in a way that only tumblr users can muster #so i don't fucking reblog them. i'm not reblogging your guilt trip post pretty much no matter what.#again. tumblrinas are not the voting block you should be focusing on but if you insist upon doing so can you do it better please??#sometimes it's not even condescension it's like the breathless panicked insistence that My Vote Will Decide The Outcome Of This Election #(and of course that's the most important thing we should care about alwa- i mean every four years)#like yeah voter disenfranchisement is real but your post sucks and i'm not exposing my 100 followers to it lol #go do some phone banking or something that will actually be productive in electing california's top cop like. idk.#teeth.txt #i don't think this is gonna get me flack bc i'm not saying it with my chest out of the tags and my followers + mutuals are broadly chill #but if someone does want to have a discussion or whatever uhhh my askbox and dms are CLOSED get outta here

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barkingangelbaby · 8 months

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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

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what-even-is-sleep · 3 months

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Trying to get ahead of an unsustainability cycle that might be starting up this week,,, (I start work).

#this turned into a bit of a rant whoops #mypost #have been chilling recovering from breast reduction the last month #steadily helping my mom out around the house more and more #but neow imma be working a ~35hr week (not including commute times during rush hour rip)#starting tmr #and I’m remembering that 1) it takes me more time to shower bc I have to be careful with boobz. also I have to wash my bra every night bc da #scars can’t get infected. so the whole process of showering is connected to also washing and drying my bra and putting on lotions n such so #it takes an hour minimum #2) doing stuff for my mom… is always spontaneous and urgent and takes up more time/energy than I think #3) my mom is bad at food stuff on a personal level and that’s transferring to the household bc a lot of stuff including a) she’s hella busy #and stressed. b) the price of food 💀keeps goin up ayoo. c) she is restricting herself to only eating twice a day??? idk why????#d) she also considers a meal to be anything she throws together no matter how unbalanced/nontasty it is #e) I’m also so bad at cooking/meal prep/etc but lowkey have a Thing abt food rn and cannot eat random junk even if I’m v hungry #. all this to say: idk how to do my household duties (communicating with mom. nightly dishes. small stuff that builds) when I have a feeling #imma be hella hungry this whole week.#WAIT I FORGOT THO IMMA BE MAKING MONEYYYY 💰 💴 💵 so I can pay for lunch at work ayooo #((not thinking abt budgeting atm lol 😬. I’m fortunate enough to have a 529 plan for college so semester times are all g)#4) I’m also doing two coursera courses atm (personal finance for young adults and Good With Words) …. I will prob not be able to get much #done in these courses when I have a full week rip #5) I gotta prepare for abroad (applying for visa. dealing with large government structures 😭😭😭) and in general attend to my emails #all dis. hmm #oh and also personal upkeep: gotta order eczema lotion. gotta get in contact with doctors abt leg and jaw PT. gotta follow thru with PT.#falling behind on a productive schedule while balancing my moms needs and my needs and my long-term health/personal project stuff is gonna #be difficult…#hm #writing this out is. hm.#all g all g I am a young adult I gotta handle this stuff now 🧑#great freedom = great responsibility and all that shiz #FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE TO EXERCISE TOO FUCK!!!! DANG NABBIT

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exopelagic · 6 months

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okay facing consequences of my actions

#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time #okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me #everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not!#so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers #I do Not have time #if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be #with other people around I kinda need that y #so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX #I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly #so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight #okay. fuck. I hate this #if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep #it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more #I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap #the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values #the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species #that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates #method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us #but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence #i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly #it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but #I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for #wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence #and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone #not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works #which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so #okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most #luke.txt

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floral-hex · 7 months

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It’s hard to make music when you have no instruments or software or skills or talent and also you don’t actually know how to play anything or make music and you’re dumb as hell

#hey it’s about that time of year where I get the urge again to try and make music before getting frustrated and quitting #don’t let your inability to do anything right get in the way of messing everything up forever and ever amen #every time I sit down to try and set up software and whatnot I end up wasting half a dozen hours before giving up #repeat once or twice every year or so for the last decade #how did I used to do this junk??? whaaaaa? I don’t understand computers.#I have an ooooold laptop buried in a box someone with sooo many unfinished songs. albums and albums worth. mostly just missing vocals #I used to sit and work on music for hours and hours #pretty much the only productive thing I did my first year of college was make an album #and now I’m just like… I don’t understand how anything works. I’m so old.#but I guess it’s… ya know… it’s been awhile and you can’t just expect to jump back in with the same skill and comfort #you’ve got get all the tedious beginning stuff out of the way. that’s just how it goes. it builds and builds.#it’s the opposite of eating an elephant. it’s frankensteining and elephant. gotta do it piece by piece.#basically I got another hand me down laptop. clean slate freshly wiped.#then I spent about 5 hours just setting it up and thennnnnn getting a bad virus bc I’m stupid as hell and don’t want to pay for software #I lost my software installer I already had so I rushed to 🏴‍☠️ the first decent one I could find #and then when I got warnings I said ‘meh the antivirus is probably exaggerating’#ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? ARE YOU STUPID!? you trust the illegal file over your own antivirus!? whatttt!?#i am very stupid #at least the laptop is pretty much empty. just gonna do another clean wipe and start again. hopefully smarter.#I really want this. I hate HATE talking about things I want to do because I invariable always fuck it up #it’s so stupid and sad but if pressed I would easily say my old shitty music are the things I’m most proud of in my life. even if they suck #I stopped making music when I moved to NY to be with my ex and I haven’t been able to get back into it since #I don’t even like music. it’s stupid and I’m half deaf. fuck you I hate you.#okay I love you bye #you can ignore this #text

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daincrediblegg · 10 months

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I hate it when I accidentally hit submit on the course eval for one of the classes I was most looking forward to critiquing for improvement when I had barely written anything 🙃

#SHE NEEDED TO KNOW THAT THE LAST ASSIGNMENT SHOULD BE EITHER THE VIDEO ESSAY OR THE ESSAY PROPER NOT BOTH IT'S TOO MUCH FUCKING SHIT TO DO #I NEED HER TO KNOW NOT HAVING SET DATES FOR ASSIGNMENTS AND A REGULAR FLOW KINDA FUCKING SUCKED #BUT NO. JUST BULLSHITTING FROM ME #GOD DAMNIT ALL TO HELL #it's been a long day and my group has literally written the worst AV script for this thing in all of christendom that I NOW HAVE TO EDIT #because I cannot fucking stand how badly written it is I literally can't. I've had to deal with that shit too often lately #please god give me a break.#at least my production professor seems to have really REALLY liked my doc as it was when I turned it in last week and liked meeting my dad #the other day. and gave me books on victorian photography #at least. she like me. at least. we vibe.#miyazaki prof needed to be taken down a peg though and I AM SO MAD THAT I MISSED THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT BC THEY MADE THE SUBMIT BUTTON #LOOK LIKE THE NEXT BUTTON AND GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR #anyway gonna go see the boy and the heron tomorrow night by my fuckin self as a consolation prize for this stupid fucking week and having t #deal with the most stupid shit imaginable.#can't wait. gonna go out and have a proper meal by myself and everything.

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rodrickheffley · 10 months

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hate how my entire day gets derailed bc of one thing.

#toilet is fucked up and landlord doesnt get here for at least another half hr so i had to go to the nearby mall to go to the bathroom -_-#and just i have so fucking much i need to get done today and tomorrow and ive gotten absolutely nothing done today bc of this and #i suck at being productive past a certain point in the day which is nearing ever closer #i want to cry i feel like i cant do anything now bc i fucked up my schedule so much already i hate being disabled its so fucking frustrating #like what is even the point lmfao im gonna give myself an ulcer someday

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