#bc it's sure as shit not the downstairs where i am

[missrosegold]

Jfc if I have to clean EVERY DAMN THING at work (on top of shit that I shouldn't be), then work can pay me custodial wages on top of what I already make.

[itgetsdark-x]

ok but pre-outbreak Joel gets a cute young new neighbour and she’s a camgirl (pretending it’s more modern day and the technology exists lol) but he doesn’t know and one day she asked him for help with fixing something so he actually sees the inside of her house. And then later on, at night he’s trying to find something good 👀 for happy Joel time (bc his cute neighbour in her way too short shorts got him a lil hot and bothered) he comes across her doing a live cam show and he’s like “oh shit.. I know that room. And that ass..) and he realises it’s her and he just has to join in and see what’s going on and it just gets smutty.

And in the end he somehow reveals it’s him in a discreet non creepy way and she’s like yeah i know *wink wink* just really flirty and stuff! There could even be another part eventually where they actually get together and smuuuut!

This idea has been in my head the last few days but I’m not a good writer.. and you’re such a good smut writer 😭😭

A/N: oh my sweet anon, I am so sorry this took so long!! I may or may not have got carried away with this and rolled it all into one piece… so have this monstrous 7.1k word oneshot 🥹

Warnings: 18+, minors dni!! fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v (do better!), use of the word daddy, implied age gap (everyone is of legal and consenting age!), probs more I’ve missed. It’s just porn tbh people!

Word Count: 7.1k

Characters: Joel Miller x Cam Girl!Reader (f)

You waved sweetly, blew a kiss to your laptop screen and ended the stream after saying a final goodbye to your viewers. You closed down your laptop and reached behind you, on your bed to grab your T-shirt and shorts. You stood up from your spot on your bed, stretched your back with a groan and threw your baggy T-shirt on over your naked torso and shimmied your tight gym shorts over your bare legs. 

You had moved back to Austin a few months ago with your parents, things had ended badly with a previous partner and it meant moving back to the city to be closer to them. Your parents majorly helped you out, hence why you were able to afford the comfy house you lived in, deep in the suburbs. 

Your house was next to Joel Miller’s, he was a devoted single father to his daughter, Sarah, who was in her mid-teens. You would sometimes look after Sarah if her sitter ever cancelled last minute and you loved it, it was like having a little sister, she would often come round and ask for advice on clothes, boys and sometimes, homework, when she trusted you enough to know the subject. 

You kept a fair distance from her dad, he was a handsome male in his late forties, potentially pushing older and sure, you thought he was super handsome but it wasn’t a line you particularly wanted to cross due to the implications and mess if you did, so you stuck to yourself besides your interactions with Sarah. 

To help pay your rent and keep food on your table, you had a part-time job at a local store but the main source of your income came from your online presence. You performed on an adult-only cam site and offered subscriptions for your content. You had somewhat gained traction on the site and it left you living fairly comfortably, especially with your parents help. No one around you in your day-to-day life knew about your online presence and you preferred to keep it that way, it was the twenty-first century and sure your parents may have understood, you just preferred to not talk about it with them. 

You walked downstairs, your makeup was still on but you had pulled your hair up away from your face. You had gone to get a snack after a two-hour long show, you had given your midday viewers a special treat as you normally only performed in the evenings / later at night as that’s when the money seemed to roll in easier. You ate a bagel with cream cheese and sighed to yourself as you scrolled through your phone, you clocked the time and noticed you had four hours or so until you had an evening stream booked. You needed a hot bath to clean yourself up after this afternoon’s one and a nap also sounded amazing. 

With that in mind, you wandered back upstairs and switched your taps on in your en-suite and awaited the water to warm up. You waited five minutes and the water was still icy cold, you rolled your eyes and pulled your clothes back on. 

“Fucks sake.” You huffed angrily and stomped downstairs to pop next door. 

Joel was a contractor and all-round handyman, sure he wasn’t a plumber but he would most definitely have a better idea of what was going on and he would most likely be able to fix it. You walked down the driveway of your house to head to Joel’s; the cool summer breeze pricked your skin, goosebumps rose on your arms and legs and your nipples hardened under the white fabric of your T-shirt. 

You brought your hand up and knocked on the door once, you looked down at your appearance and suddenly felt self-conscious, you pulled your arms across your chest to cover your nipples and shifted on the spot as you awaited someone to answer the door. 

“Oh, hi darlin’.” Joel said, smiling through his confusion as to why you were here and knocking on his door. “Sarah is at a friend’s for the night, she’s been beggin’ me to let her have a sleepover so I gave in. Were you looking for her?” He asked softly. 

You tracked his eyes, they started from your flip-flop clad feet and followed the shapely lines of your bare legs before they hungrily raked over your torso and found their way back to your own eyes. You swallowed roughly and pulled your arms tighter around yourself. 

“Uh, I was actually looking for you…” you started. “I’ve got somewhere to be in a few hours and I need a bath, my taps aren’t running hot. I was wonderin’ whether you could come over and take a look?” You asked nervously. 

“Oh sure! It’ll probably be a simple fix, let me grab my tools from the truck and I’ll be right over.” He smiled and closed his door behind him. 

He grabbed his toolkit from the back of the truck and ushered for you to lead the way back to your house. Joel watched as your hips swayed as you walked, the stretchy fabric of your gym shorts clung to your hips, ass and thighs perfectly. They rode up your behind in the most teasing way and Joel mentally cursed himself for imagining what laid underneath the material. 

“Hot date tonight then?” Joel asked innocently as you walked him up your stairs. 

“Ha. Yeah. Something like that.” You laughed awkwardly, god if only he knew. 

You opened your bedroom door to Joel and let him walk into your room. “Yeah, just through that door. I’m useless with this sorta stuff and normally I would call my dad but he’s at work and I noticed your truck in the driveway…” you mumbled and stood in your bedroom awkwardly. 

You looked around your room, just scanning the area to ensure you hadn’t left any of your toys out from your stream and you felt your cheeks immediately glow when you noticed your vibrator sitting by your pillow. 

Joel was humming as he took your bath panel off to inspect the plumbing work under the ceramic and you took the opportunity to push the vibe just under your pillow. You went over to the bathroom and leant on the door frame; you couldn’t help but admire the older male’s biceps as they flexed as he toyed with the temperature valve under the bath. He fiddled around for fifteen minutes or so until the water ran hot, the water immediately steaming in the air. 

You grinned at him as he called out ‘gotcha’. “Joel! You’re a hero, thank you! I owe you a pack of beers, I’ll get them over to you at some point this week, I promise.” You enthused and clapped your hands. 

Joel sat up from his position, clicked your bath panel back in place and switched the taps off. He looked at you and dusted his hands off on his jeans, as you clapped he couldn’t help but notice the way your breasts squeezed together under your shirt. He could clearly see that you weren’t wearing any underwear, your nipple’s colour showed through your white T-shirt and he felt his cock twitch in his boxers at the sight. 

“Don’t be silly, darlin’. I’m just happy to help out a neighbour in need. Plus you look out for Sarah, I owe you a lot more than sorting out a couple valves under your tub.” He laughed and threw his spanner back into his tool bag. 

“I love Sarah! She’s like a little sister to me, I just hope I’m not a bad influence on her!” You giggled and watched as Joel packed up his tools. 

“You a bad influence? I doubt that very much, sweetheart.” He smiled softly and you let him pass you back into your room. He looked around your room and admired your decorations. “I like what you’ve done in here, looks real nice. You do this yourself?” He asked and toyed with the material of the canopy that hung above your double bed. 

You nodded proudly. “Yeah, well, my dad helped me a little but I always get impatient and end up doing it myself just so it’s done.” You chuckled and he looked around before clapping his hands awkwardly once. 

“I should uh, let you have your bath in peace. Unless you need anything else from me?” Joel asked causing your eyebrows to rise in shock. “No! I meant um, sorry darlin’! Didn’t mean to sound so dirty with that suggestion, I mean do you have anything else that needs to looking at around your house?” He corrected himself and you laughed softly at him. 

“Oh, of course you didn’t.” You mumbled, an edge of disappointment lacing your voice. “Well, my facets and pipes under the sink, downstairs are a little loose and leaky. If you wouldn’t mind tightening them, I would be really grateful.” You smiled softly and after Joel gave you a nod, you lead him downstairs into your kitchen. 

You bent down to move your cleaning supplies out of the way and Joel swore his heart almost stopped, he could clearly see the outline of your ass and your privates as the lycra clung to every one of your curves. You stepped back and let Joel work again. 

“Joel, can I please be really rude and excuse myself to go and take that bath? I need to clean up before I’m needed elsewhere. I really appreciate your help with this all and please feel free to let yourself out. I’ll pop by tomorrow with some beers!” You said sweetly. 

“No worries at all, I won’t be long at all, sweetheart. Please don’t worry about the beers, it’s my pleasure. Honestly.” Joel spoke from under the sink as you left the kitchen to go back to your en suite. 

Joel continued to work on your kitchen sink, it was a short job and he was soon finished. He heard the water stop running upstairs and once again, he scolded himself for letting his filthy thoughts run away from him. He imagined your body slipping into soapy water, the bubbles clinging to your breasts, your perky nipples inviting him to suck them into his mouth and your perfectly round ass glistening with the soapy water. He groaned to himself as he picked up his toolkit to leave, he briefly palmed his half-hard cock in his jeans and he was feeling so thankful that he had the house to himself that evening. 

Whilst in the bath, you laid back into the enticing warm water and you let your thoughts run away from you. You imagined how Joel’s calloused fingers would feel buried deep in you, working your pussy closer to orgasming. You imagined how it would feel to be embraced by him before he pushed his dick deep into you until you were crying for him to stop. You physically shook your head and swallowed thickly, that right there, those thoughts, that’s exactly why you tried to keep your distance from the older male. He got under your skin and lit a fire deep in the pits of your belly. Silently, you were appreciative that you were so worked up because you knew it meant you would be giving your viewers a great show tonight. 

The time soon came for you to start your live stream; you were wearing a lacy pink bra and matching panties; the bra had crisscross straps across your cleavage and your nipples showed through the sheer material. 

“Evening guys,” you purred and gave a wave to your viewers. Whenever you streamed you work a masquerade mask to hide your identity and you always put a voice on; it was similar to your own but a little bit lower and more sultry. “How’s everyone’s day going today? I know I’m super excited to be here tonight.” You whined as your fingers toyed with your hardening nipples. 

Your set up was simple, you usually sat on your bed at the beginning of streams before moving into all crude positions for your viewers; their comments and tips egging you to go further. 

Comments started to flood in and it didn’t take long for you to lose your bra; you kept your panties and stockings on as the garment you chose for tonight was crotchless which mean you could toy with yourself without losing the sexy underwear. 

You were laid back, your back was arched off the bed as you plunged your rabbit vibrator in and out, your thoughts swam with Joel and imagining it was him pleasuring you. Small moans tumbled from your lips as the noise of comments and monetary tips filled the room. 

You were getting closer to having an orgasm and you didn’t know how long you could hold off for. Normally, when streaming, you would fake it a lot since it was a lot of effort to have orgasm after orgasm, especially for hours at a time; by now you had perfected the faking of one but not tonight. Your fingers pinched at your nipples and you shuddered on your toy as you worked yourself through it. You removed the toy and brought it up to your bare lips, you sucked it into your mouth and moaned. 

“Wow, thank you Sunset331 for the $100 tip. I’ll be sure to send a picture your way after the stream.” You purred. 

*Handyman47 Entered the Chat*

“Good evening, Handyman47. I hope you enjoy the show!” You called out and turned so the camera had a perfect view of your exposed ass and vagina. You pushed the toy back into yourself and whimpered at your overstimulation as you got right back into the quick rhythm. 

—

Joel was frustrated, sexually and emotionally. He needed to relieve some of the stress that had built up this afternoon. He had always found you tempting and attractive but tried his hardest to ignore you whenever you came round. But there you were today, all perfect and tight, he was blinded by his arousal.

He laid back on his bed, his back pushed up against his pillows as he got his laptop out and started Googling adult-only sites that could help him along the way. He stumbled across a streaming site he hadn’t seen before, it looked decent enough so he quickly made an account and clicked onto one of the first streams he saw the thumbnail for. 

The actress looked attractive enough for him to take the edge off and he thought somewhere in the back of his mind, that the body on his screen looked similar to yours but he pushed that sinister thought away and assumed it was because you had frustrated him so much earlier that day. 

Then he heard the voice from his laptop, “Good evening, Handyman47. I hope you enjoy the show!” It clicked instantly in his brain, his eyes scanned the background of the room and he swallowed thickly. 

Joel couldn’t help the way his cock twitched in his hand, he was already stroking himself and then he happened to stumble across you. He watched on as the toy disappeared into your hungry heat and would come out covered in your arousal, he groaned loudly from the back of his throat as his thumb swiped over his cock head and lubricated his length with his own pre-cum. 

He knew he should close his laptop down and go and take a cool shower but he couldn’t tear his eyes off of his laptop screen, he looked out his window and could see yours; your curtains were drawn and there was a charming pink glow coming from behind them. Just like in your stream. He was so close to you, yet you had no idea just what he was doing a mere distance away from you or how crazy you drove him.

—

“Oh yeah, just like that daddy. Please don’t stop. Yeah.” You moaned, you had switched positions again. You were on your back and your sticky privates showed directly to the camera. Your juices were creamy and thick as you continued to push your toy into your hole. “Hmm, I think I should change to something bigger. I need a real man to come here and fill me up.” You purred and sat up to read the comments. 

Handyman47: I volunteer, darlin’. 

Sunset331: on my way, need u so bad

Jungleboy87: show us that needy pussy again. pls

You giggled as you read the comments, your tits hung in front of the camera as you did so but one caught your eye. Handyman47, surely it was a coincidence, no? Joel was around that age, that was his job and the fact he called you darling. Your throat went dry as you pondered the possibility of it being the older man from across the road. 

You pushed that thought aside and grabbed your dildo off your bedside table; it was hot pink and a thick 10” in length, your biggest one to date. 

“What do you think, guys? Do you reckon I can make it fit in my little hole?” You purred and ran it through your wet folds. 

You pressed the tip of the toy into your hole and whimpered at the immediate stretch, slowly, you plunged it into yourself. The stretch of the toy stung and you closed yours eyes, imagining it was Joel filling you out like that. 

Comments of encouragement flooded the chat once again and you smiled devilishly as you pulled the toy out to switch your position. You lifted the prop from the floor, it was a large piece of plastic that you used specifically for streaming, it allowed you to suction your toy to it and it meant you could ride it with ease. 

“Oh fuck, daddy. You’re so big. Dunno if I can take it all like this.” You whimpered, straddling the toy and slowly pushing yourself down onto it. 

You rode your toy, the pleasure already building up in your body and you clenched around it weakly as your thighs burned with the effort. 

Joel watched on, his eyes fixated on his screen; he saw the way your tight pussy stretched around the toy and he pumped his cock enthusiastically with each rise and fall of your body. His tip was leaking pre-cum and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he was cumming into his palm over the sight of you fucking yourself. 

“Gonna squirt all over your cock.” You shuddered and you meant it, it was how you ended your shows normally; one final blow out for the fans. 

Your hand fumbled beside you as it reached for your bullet vibrator. You brought it to your clit and almost immediately you felt your orgasm come crashing through you, your hips faltered as your ground down onto the toy below you. You rose as your felt yourself gush around it, your juices splashed onto the toy and you couldn’t help the way your eyes screwed shut and a loud, shaky moan fell from your lips. 

“Fuck, Joel.” You whimpered, your voice barely above a whisper. 

He heard it. That was his name. Surely not. Joel watched as you continued to squirt, his cock throbbed and with one final pass of his hand, he came hard. Your name fell from his lips with a groan, he kept hearing the way you whimpered his name as you came on your toy over and over in his head and it made his spent dick jump as he milked himself of every last drop. 

You shuddered as you removed the toy fully from yourself and discarded your bullet to the side of you after turning it off. 

“Wow guys, I’ve made a massive mess here.” You giggled and slapped your sopping wet core once, the wetness apparent as your fingers tapped lightly. 

Comments of appreciation were flooding through your chat and you grinned as you read each one. 

“Thank you sooo much for tuning in guys, I won’t be streaming tomorrow but I’ll be back the day after. Thank you all so much for the support. I love you.” You cooed sweetly and blew a kiss to the camera before shutting the stream down to clean up after yourself. 

—

You had slept soundly after last night’s stream; it was a busy one. All morning, whilst trying to do some admin work, all you could think of was that one username that stuck out to you… Handyman47. You were sure it just had to be a sick coincidence, your thoughts were clouded by lust in the moment and of course it wasn’t Joel. Why would he watch your stream? He didn’t find you attractive, that would just be ridiculous. That’s what you told yourself, anyway. 

You finished up your work for the morning and decided to pop out to the store, to buy the beer you had promised Joel. It was a warm day so you dressed yourself in a sunflower-yellow sundress and flip flops, your hair was tied up messily. 

Once you arrived home from the store, you parked your car up and made your way over to Joel’s house to give him the cool beers. It was a small gesture to say thank-you for the help, even if he insisted that he didn’t want them, it was the polite thing to do and you were raised with manners. 

You raised your arm and placed a quick knock to the door, you were half-expecting to see Sarah’s gorgeous locks but instead you were met with Joel. 

“No Sarah again?” You asked. 

“She uh, she wanted to stay another night at her friend’s and well, you know how the kid is, how could I say no?! You disappointed to see me again, darlin’?” Joel joked with a smirk, although, oddly, he barely made eye contact with you. 

You shrugged. “Eh, not quite my girl but you’ll do.” You joked and held the beers out for Joel. “Plus, she can’t exactly drink these. Not for a couple years anyway.” You winked. 

“Or ever.” Joel replied dryly, catching your eyes this time. He took the pack of beers from you with a smile. “I’m tellin’ ya, you didn’t need to do this for me! It was a small favour. How ‘bout you come on in, we can crack open a beer together?” Joel asked, opening his door wider for you to step in. 

“Oh I wouldn’t wanna impose, I bought them for you to enjoy. Don’t feel like you have to share!” You smiled. 

Joel shook his head and gently took your wrist, to pull you inside. “Nonsense. You look like you’ve had a busy mornin’ and could do with a beer. Go ahead and make yourself comfy in the lounge, I’ll put these in the fridge and grab a couple.” 

You obliged albeit reluctantly, you didn’t mind spending time with Joel but he drove you mad; just being in a close proximity to him like this drove you insane, you couldn’t act on what you wanted and it was torture. You sat down on the couch, crossed your legs and smoothed your dress down, the hem rested comfortably on your upper thigh, just teasing with a glimpse of your forbidden skin. 

Joel entered the room and gave you a bottle of beer, you shot him a small thank you before taking a sip. He sat opposite you in his arm chair and let his legs sprawl out widely; he was wearing shorts and a tight-fitting t-shirt, the material hugging his biceps deliciously. 

“How was your hot date last night?” Joel enquired innocently, pretending he didn’t know what you had been up to. “I’m sure I could hear you screamin’ from here.” He teased. 

You laughed dryly and shot him a deathly glare which only made him chuckle. “Wasn’t a hot date, I was actually um, I was working.” You mumbled and stared into the neck of your bottle before drinking some more. 

“That time of night? I thought you worked at that fancy little store in the city?” Joel asked, probing you further. He was treading on thin ice, either you were going to open up about what you were doing or you were going to lie through your teeth. He noticed the way you switched your legs over and shifted awkwardly in your seat. 

“I uh — I have an extra job.” You shrugged, keeping your cards close to your chest. Joel had never really spent this much alone time with you, especially not to ask you this many questions. “How’s work going for you, a lot of jobs on at the moment?” You asked just trying to deflect the attention away from your work. 

“Nope, you’ve got me intrigued, darlin’. What were you doing? What’s this extra job?” 

You cringed, you placed your bottle on the table and hid your face behind your palms. “I — I model and perform on an adult-only site; I do live shows of porn, basically.” You admitted, your cheeks were glowing under your hands. 

Joel watched as you hid your face, he bit back a smirk and watched as your embarrassment poured from you; it was wrong to admit, but it turned him on, to see you all embarrassed and flustered. 

“Oh yeah, I know the ones.” Joel said casually, taking another drink with a shrug. 

You peered through your fingers and your mind shot back to the username. Surely it wasn’t him. No. 

“You, Joel Miller, are telling me you’re one of those creeps on the site?” You asked, raising an eyebrow up at him. 

“Wouldn’t say I was a creep.” He stated bluntly. “I have needs darlin’, especially when my neighbour drives me mad all afternoon dressed in tight shorts or a sexy little dress.” His eyebrow was cocked upwards, testing the water to see exactly how you would react. 

You put your hands on your lap, your mouth fell agape and you shifted uncomfortably in your seat again. 

“Oh. I. Um. You?” You mumbled incoherently, your brain not working quickly enough to form an intelligible sentence which caused Joel to laugh. “You — you see anything on those sites of interest?” You asked quietly, your hands smoothing the fabric of your dress more out of nerves than to adjust the garment. 

“Saw a nice little show last night…” Joel said quietly, he stood from his seat; you could see the vague outline of his thickening cock in his shorts and your privates throbbed. “Thought I recognised the room…” he said, sitting down next to you. “But then I thought, no, it couldn’t be that good little girl that lives next to me. Not with the way she was performing, doing such a good job at taking in her toys.”

Joel was closing the space next to you, you could feel the weight of his body next to you and his fingers tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear. It was a tender movement and it made you shiver physically under his touch. You avoided making eye contact with him, you were sure this was just a joke and he was teasing you for your extracurricular job. 

“Look at me.” Joel demanded, his lips were by your ear now, they just ghosted over the area and you shook your head. “Look. At. Me.” Joel said more sternly and his voice was dropped impossibly low. 

His hand held your bare knee, his fingers teasing to travel just under your dress and you finally bared to look at him. Your eyes were wide in shock, your chest heaved slightly with your more laboured breaths and small beads of sweat collected on your neck. 

“It was you…” you whispered to which Joel just smirked. “Son of a bitch. You’re a dirty old man, Mr Miller.” You teased, still feeling nervous under his watchful gaze and touch. 

“Is that why you whimpered out my name as you squirted on your toy? Cause I’m a dirty old man?” Joel asked, his voice dripping with sheer confidence. 

“I — no I didn’t.” You huffed. 

Joel squeezed the delicate skin of your thigh and you made a pathetic noise from the back of your throat before you tried to swallow it back. 

“I heard it.” Joel said smugly. “God, made me cum so hard on myself to hear you calling out my name.” He groaned, thinking back to his activities from last night. 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call out your name, I didn’t think anyone heard me. Please don’t tell anyone about my extra job.” You whined as Joel’s hand slid up under your dress slightly, his fingers brushed past your clothed heat and your eyes dipped shut for a second. 

“How about I show you how good I feel compared to those pieces of plastic.” Joel whispered. 

“Please.” You breathed and bucked your hips upwards, searching for the feel of Joel’s fingers. 

Joel silently got off the sofa, you wanted to whine and bring him back so you could feel his large frame next to you again. Before you could react, the older male was sinking to his knees in front of you and was holding your thighs firmly. 

“Wanted to taste you from the day you moved in next door.” Joel stated and your cheeks flushed at his admission. 

He pushed the fabric of your dress up, you took the hint and was quick to discard it to the side of you. Your breasts were freed from the fabric and Joel groaned deeply as he drank in your naked form. He held your thighs again and he pulled you forward so your panties were closer to his face which caused you to yelp.

“Look at you. Fuck.” Joel cursed as he let one of his fingers trail across the wet fabric of your panties. “You wet already for me? Thought you woulda got it outta your system last night.” Joel teased with a knowing smirk as your shuddered against his gentle touch. 

“Are you gonna chat up my vagina all afternoon or are you gonna show me how much better you are than my toys?” You snapped with a bratty smile. 

“I won’t give you anything if you talk to me like that. Now be a good girl and shut up for me, yeah?” Joel bit back, his voice full of condescension which admittedly, only fuelled your arousal further. 

You rolled your eyes and just as you opened your mouth to argue back with the man, he pulled your panties to the side and let one of his fingers sink into your heat roughly. You threw your head back and your fingers gripped at the fabric of Joel’s t-shirt, the sudden action throwing you off. 

Joel twisted his digit to curl it inside of you before he removed it again, causing you to whine angrily at him. You lifted your head to grumble but instead you were silenced as you locked eyes with him; he brought his wet finger to his lips and sucked it in with a soft moan. Your lips parted in silent shock as Joel sucked your arousal into his mouth, moaning like it was the finest food he had ever eaten. 

“Taste so sweet, princess. Best thing I’ve ever tasted.” He groaned, finally removing your panties from your privates. As you lifted your hips to allow the man more access, he noticed how evident your arousal was, you were near dripping onto his sofa and his mouth watered. “I’m going to eat you out now and I won’t stop until you squirt right into my mouth, so how about you be a good girl and do that for me.” Joel said sternly. 

You nodded dumbly; no man had ever spoken to you this way before, at least, no man you truly wanted. Without another word, Joel dipped his head down and licked a fat stripe up through your folds. You moaned softly, the noise was delicate and sincere, a complete contrast to how you sounded coming from his laptop screen last night. Your body shuddered against the sofa and your fingers had weaved their way into Joel’s salt and pepper hair; his soft locks entangled with your digits. You gently tugged at his hair causing the male to make a gruff noise into your folds, the vibrations rippled through you and you moaned again. 

Joel sucked your clit into his mouth, the sensitive bud was already throbbing with the male’s previous efforts and as soon as his lips suctioned around it your back was arching off his sofa. The old couch creaked under your body as your contorted your back when Joel’s tongue flicked over your clit. 

“Fuck me!” You cursed, one of your hands leaving Joel’s head to pathetically grip at the edge of the sofa for further stability. 

“Later,” Joel mumbled into your wet pussy. 

You let out a breathy chuckle; your head was swimming, your thighs were shaking with the pleasure as Joel continued to work his tongue expertly over your clit and occasionally to dip down into your hole. You felt your orgasm start to bubble lowly in the depths of your belly, just a gentle simmer as Joel licked at you like a man who had been starved. 

As if he read your mind of wanting more, Joel brought two fingers up to your hole; he barely dipped them into you and you whimpered weakly. He pushed one finger in, just barely up to his knuckle before he withdrew it and licked over your clit again, the tip of his tongue flicking at it gently. 

“Please.” You pleaded with a weak and shaking voice. 

Joel looked up at you; his dark pupils were blown with lust and he smirked as he let both fingers push into you, again, barely going past his first knuckles. He twisted his fingers in you and pushed them in fully until the palm of his hand met your body. You let out a loud gasp as your eyes fluttered shut and like a perfectly-timed dance, Joel flicked his tongue across your clit once again. 

“Fucking Christ, shit.” You cursed, your voice loud and sharp as Joel worked his fingers rhythmically into you. 

Joel laughed softly against you as he plunged his fingers into you again and again. He wrapped his lips around your clit again and suckled at the bud softly as his fingers worked into you quickly. Your orgasm came crashing down, you barely had time to register it as Joel worked his fingers quicker, he curled them upwards and they bumped the spongy spot inside of you that had screams tumbling from your lips. 

“G-gonna,” is all you managed to get out, the room was filled with your moans and the obscene wet noise of your arousal as Joel fingered you with fervour. 

“That’s it,” Joel cooed. “Good girl, cum for me. Soak me, need it.” He moaned as he pulled his mouth off of your clit but kept his face near and he replaced it with his thumb. 

The different sensation threw you off momentarily but it was too late and your orgasm ripped through your body, it drew a long moan from your throat; the noise was animalistic and raw and it echoed through the room. Joel removed his fingers and with that, you let go and whimpered as you gushed onto Joel’s face, he lapped up your juices and you shuddered through your orgasm. Joel watched as your pussy clenched and fluttered around air, the aftershocks of your orgasm evident as you writhed in your spot. 

“Look at you.” He sighed happily, watching you still. “Even better than on the screen, so perfect, so beautiful.”

You blushed as his words and you weakly let go of his hair your legs were still quaking as he let go of them, you slumped against his sofa; completely unashamed of your naked state compared to Joel’s fully dressed one. He stood and the outline of his hard cock was evident in his light shorts, there was a darkened wet patch and your mouth watered at the thought he got that turned on by pleasuring you. 

“Come here and taste yourself on me.” Joel breathed, taking your cheek to pull you in for a bruising kiss. 

You held onto Joel’s arms as he kissed you, his tongue trailed over your bottom lip and greedily you sucked it into your mouth, urging him to explore every crevice of your mouth. You made a small noise of appreciation as your mouth was flooded with the taste of Joel mixed with the tang of your own arousal. 

“Fuck me already. Please.” You breathed against Joel’s face, momentarily breaking the kiss. 

“How do you wanna take me, darlin’?” He asked. 

“However you wanna give it to me.” You retorted with a smirk. 

“Get on your knees on the couch, stick your ass up for me and show me that pretty little cunt.” He growled lowly and you obliged happily, doing as he said. 

You positioned yourself so your chest was pressed to the back of the sofa and you allowed Joel full access to yourself. You wiggled your ass as you heard Joel toss his shorts to the side haphazardly. 

“All for me now, huh?” Joel asked, his hands mauled at the skin of your ass and spread your cheeks, he took his length and pressed the tip into your hole, before you knew it, it was gone again and he slapped it gently at your oversensitive clit. “Tell me how bad you want it.” He hissed, running his cock through your wet folds, nudging your clit with each pass. 

“Please, Joel. I want it so bad, never needed a cock so bad in my life, you already made me feel better than any of my toys or the boys I’ve fucked before put together. Please give me your cock, wanna feel your cum fill me up so bad. P-please.” You whined, your voice coming out as small, wrecked sobs as Joel continued to rub his cock over you. 

“Good girl.” He praised and without warning be bottomed out inside of you, you moaned loudly; a perfect blend of pleasure and pain rippled through your veins as Joel brushed some hair from your face so he could evaluate your emotions. 

He rubbed your ass with his palm and landed a bruising slap to it, you moaned and threw your head back in pleasure. Joel took that opportunity to pull his hips back, to pull out of you fully; he passed his cock through your soaked pussy lips once again. Your mouth opened to complain but before a single noise could leave your mouth, he was pushing back into your greedy heat without warning. 

“So. Fucking. Tight.” Joel groaned, accentuating each of his words with a hard thrust of his cock. 

He built up a harsh pace, your fingers turned white as they gripped at the fabric of the sofa below you. You were sure if you held on any tighter then the fabric would surely rip under you. Your body prickled as if a hundred needles were touching your skin, your stomach knotted as you felt another orgasm working it’s way through you. Your walls fluttered around Joel and your legs wobbled as you tried to stay grounded as his thick cock nudged that sweet spot inside of you. 

“G-gonna, gonna…” You whimpered, your eyes screwing shut. 

“Mmhm, that’s it. Atta girl, cum on my cock. Tell me how good it feels, princess.” Joel whispered, leaning forward so his body was pressed to yours. 

“Fuck!” You cursed, teetering on the edge of your orgasm. “Feels so good, n-never felt this good before. Making me feel drunk on your cock, gonna need it again and again and again. Please give it to me. Please. So good.” You rambled, words falling from your lips carelessly as Joel fucked you into your orgasm. 

His thick but nimble digits wound their way around you to fall to your clit, he circled the bud perfectly and it had your head swimming. It was the thing you needed to push you over the edge; you felt as if you had fallen from a cliff, just floating in midair as Joel worked you through it. Moans of profanity and his name fell from your parted lips as you came around the man’s cock, your walls clenched him and held him tightly. 

Seemingly, that was what sent Joel over the edge, his hips faltered and he thrust into you once more, much weaker this time. His cock twitched in your walls and with a groan, and his hands squeezing your hips roughly, he came deep inside of you. You whimpered as your body went limp; Joel’s hot cum filled you and it made you clench weakly around him, your greedy hole trying to suck him in deeper still. 

“Fuck me.” You whispered, your ass still on display for the older man as he pulled out of you with a wince. 

“Just did that, darlin’.” He laughed breathlessly, trying to gain composure once again. 

You rolled your eyes, was typical Joel to state that when clearly it was a rhetorical state meant as a throwaway. 

“I should um, well I should pop to the bathroom to quickly clean up and then get out of your hair.” You said, somewhat awkwardly as you stood shakily from the sofa and held your thighs together tightly. 

Less than a minute ago, the man’s cock had been inside of you and now that the thick tension and lust had cleared the air you couldn’t help but feel a little bit awkward about it. 

“Stay?” Joel asked. “I mean, I wasn’t really done with you yet.” He grinned boyishly and you couldn’t help but smile at him. “Just an idea, darlin’ but how about we go shower and clean up and order some food. We still got more beers to get through. Then, I’m sure if you’re a really good girl, I could give you my cock again.” His hand was stroking up and down your arm, his fingers tickled your skin and in their wake they left goosebumps. 

You looked up at Joel, into his deep brown eyes and you nodded with a grin. 

“Deal. But you’re paying for the food, you ol’ perv.” You teased with a giggle. 

“Get upstairs.” Joel said with a roll of his eyes. 

You laughed to yourself again as you walked away, to go upstairs only to yelp loudly when Joel came up behind you and placed a light tap to your ass and rushed in front of you. 

“You’re dead, Miller.” You called and chased up behind him to return the favour. 

———————————————————————

—————

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for playing my music/turning up my tv insanely loud in response to my neighbors?

this may be a bit venty. i'm sorry. i've been dealing with this for 5 years

i (23) live in a 3-tiered apartment complex where i'm in the middle, with an upstairs and downstairs neighbour. they both suck for different reasons, but this is mostly focused on my upstairs neighbour, who is a (hobbyist) dj. he's from the caribbean (which is a reason i don't want to get the landlord involved who is very racist), constantly plays deafeningly loud music with thumping beats that he shouts over into a mic. this is a near daily thing where i usually have to end up banging on the ceiling or yelling at him through it to turn it down because it shakes my entire apartment and scares my cats. i've tried talking to both him and his girlfriend multiple times over the five years i've lived here and neither of them care enough to stop. they also have monthly parties where they cram 15 people into their apartment and he djs the entire time until 1 am. these people are in their 30's or 40's btw, way too old to act like this. i'd move but this is the only affordable apartment for me in town, it's walking distance to my work, and it's crazy cheap for what it is, about $500 usd for a full 2 bedroom apartment, so despite being miserable here i can't afford to go anywhere else. at this point whenever he starts blaring music (which starts sometimes as early as 8 am as soon as his gf leaves for work) i turn on my own music so loud it hurts my ears (making sure my cats aren't in the room ofc) and he usually gets the idea after a bit and turns his down. i also play my music very loudly even if he hasn't been noisy that day, just because i feel like it and he's done it enough that i'm just generally pissed about it all the time. admittedly i also do this to bother my downstairs neighbour too who is a 60-something year old asshole who constantly berates me over tiny things, threatens to call the cops on me for many reasons including my cats keeping him awake, running my dishwasher too early in the morning, and parking in my driveway too close to his window. also, once my upstairs neighbour put burning coals from his fireplace into a plastic garbage bin and put it right next to the WOODEN stairs to his balcony and nearly caught the complex on fire. when i noticed this and went out to the stairway to yell that there was a fire in the garbage bin my downstairs neighbour came out and got mad at me for yelling and waking him up over a fucking fire, if you want to know how unreasonable both these assholes are. my downstairs neighbour also smokes indoors, making the entire complex and outside smell like cig smoke and weed which makes me sick bc i have bad lungs. my room is right above his as well so it sometimes seeps in through the vents forcing me to sleep in the living room. i've also tried talking to him multiple times and he doesn't give a shit and he's friends with the landlord so he never gets in trouble for any of this. he is also super racist and has called my upstairs neighbour the n word

both of my neighbors hate me so i don't care if anything i do bothers them i just wanna know if the music in response to my neighbours being shitty is an asshole move lol

What are these acronyms?

[asukaskerian]

monthly word count - april

TOTAL: 4 604 low but on the upside i plotted out and got started on the last chapter for cherry wine's capital arc, FUCK yes finally. X_X

POSTED: nothing new! a battlefield terra scene languishing in my files since 2017 tho.

IN PROGRESS -cherry wine - madatobiizu ABO chapter 10 (1 548 words) -bleach suburban ot4 (2 553 words) -bleach: attempt at one of my unusual inheritances prompts that swiftly died on me (503 words) (if you ever think "oh it's such an obvious plot i will remember for sure" THAT IS SATAN LYING TO YOU.)

-- cherry wine (short bcs spoilers everywhere) --

Then they were approaching the well-lit area before the hall where people milled around, and the brouhaha covered the edge of their voices, as Madara asked, "So, what did you do?"

"Mm, nothing too extreme. I merely felt regretful that I couldn't keep Yukiha-san company, so I... referred her to some."

Madara's eyebrows quirked dubiously.

"The pink kind."

"--Pfhah."

He'd done a little more than that, really. When he'd asked the Haruno girls what they thought about hatesex (in favor; spicy), and their ability to convince a very horny, grumpy, desperate kunoichi to let herself be bedded (very high; just had to challenge her superiority), he'd also asked them for the favor of their alpha brother's sweatier underclothes, to plant in her bedroom afterwards. They would have a fun couple of weeks waiting to be certain she wasn't carrying a bellyful of civilian bastards.

-- suburban ot4 --

Nelliel rolls like a beached whale, morose and defeated. Her phone keeps containing nothing of interest. 

Tier of course hasn't contacted her directly since their last in-person meeting, because she doesn't believe in chatting up ex-girlfriends. Especially because her current girlfriends are jealous and threatened somehow, even after Nelliel told them about getting knocked up by Grimmjow.

They all think she has shit taste in men, see, but they don't doubt her taste in women is more refined. 

Her only recent messages are from Grimmjow and Hime.

... Her most recent message is from Hime! Right now! Ohh, she was letting things settle a bit before she started hounding her in case the Kurosakis wanted space, but!

Hime-chan: Nel-chan, hello! Are you here?

She wants to talk! Live! Right now!

Me: yes!!!!!! :D :D :D hi! what's up?? Hime-chan: #^__^#<3 Hime-chan: oh, nothing much! I was just wondering if you're busy or maybe if you would want to go out for a walk? I was going to take kazui and go check out that new pastry shop and i thought, that's not too far from where you are and maybe you're not too tired to go? Me: YES let me get dressed. Hime-chan: but if you don't feel up to it then take care of yourself Hime-chan: !! oh, great! Give us a half hour? Me: yeeeeeeeessss ill be waiting downstairs SEE YOU SOON

"Hot date, eh?"

Nelliel gives her boyfriend the crazed stare of don't get in my way. "Oh fuck yeah. With Hime and the kid. I am going to get so many cuddles."

He laughs at her. "Want me to clear out in case you get them to come home with you for coffee while you're at it?"

"... Nah. You can stay and babysit."

Grimmjow plants his hand on top of her skull and swings her right and left, then shoves her back down onto her pillows. She yowls in protest, grabbing his wrist to haul herself back up. "Stop that, I have to shower and get dressed! I can't meet Hime if I stink!"

"But you're fine stinking for me, I see how it is." He drags her to her feet, an amused half-smirk on his face. 

"You're a gross boy, though. Hime is fresh and cute and sweet. She's not into salty."

Grimmjow smirks even wider. "Oh, she's into all sorts of crazy shit. Made me a herring and ice cream sandwich once."

"... I kinda want to figure out what exactly this means in our sexy metaphor but I'm going to be late." Nelliel leans in to give him a cheek kiss and a semi-friendly headbutt and scampers off to the bathroom. "I've got a daaaate!"

"A friendship date!"

"Guys who don't have a date don't get to piss on my parade!"

-- ichigo and sisters, odd inheritance -- fic disappeared on me and left me without notes, idk if i'll ever figure out what to do with it --

Ichigo has been eighteen all of two months when he finally manages to get 1. custody of his sisters and 2. access to his inheritance. 

It's fast. Really fast. Dad's lawyer friend was cutthroat and very prepared. 

(Even if the guy looks so dubious and scruffy--)

Ichigo has been living in a group house on his own for seven months by then, and he knows the clinic wasn't completely paid off, and he knows it's been sold on -- all their personal effects are in storage, in a truck, in the truck the lawyer friend got him and the lawyer friend's even odder friend taught him to drive and he is never going to manage to repay them--

Anyway.

"Is this it?" Karin asks, dubious. 

Karin and Yuzu are crammed together on the passenger's seat, and they peer at the actual goddamned mansion looming at the top of the hill with the exact same dubiousness Ichigo feels. It's an european style, but from a century back at least, and wasn't exactly maintained well. He's not sure why Mom hung onto it instead of selling it off, but maybe there were no buyers. There used to be a village nearby but now there's two rickety houses and some farmland, mostly woods, and the house stands on such a slope that cutting down the trees to grow anything else would be completely pointless.

On the other side of the ridge is, apparently, the sea, but about fifty meters of cliffside down. No beach access either. Sigh. Whatever.

"I'll unlock the gate!" Yuzu exclaims, and pops out of the cab, legs wobbling on landing from the drive. The rusty noise as she pushes it open is, uh. Bad.

"Home sweet home," he grumbles as he drives the car through the gate.

Making it livable is going to take so much work.

But the roof isn't leaking and the heating and water still work, and miraculously one of the wings has failed to get infected by mold. So. It will do.

--

The first night they camp together in one of the living rooms, and it's nice. (Yuzu cries openly over being reunited, Karin cries while telling her not to cry, and Ichigo somehow manages to wait until they have fallen asleep.)

They don't really know what happened to their mom's family or why she has a hugeass house fit for like ten or fifteen very antisocial people that nobody else had a claim on. The way Kurosaki Masaki spent their childhood dodging the topic like an olympic slalom medalist had been read as 'it was Bad and Ungood but now it's OVER move along hahaha'. So of course, "If one of our grandparents is haunting this dust pile and they don't wait until tomorrow to bug us, I will throw their tablet in the sea," Karin was muttering, half as a joke, before she finally laid down. 

It's five AM and Ichigo isn't laughing. 

Of course there are ghosts. Anywhere he goes there are ghosts.

[afaramir]

hi abby!! you love talking abt your fics? well, as it happens, i LOVE listening to people talk abt their fics *high-fives you* so hereee u go: 8, 17, 23, 24, 33 and 40 :)

hiiii ria thank you <333 [high fives you back] this is a beautiful synergy we are living...sorry this took me several days i just kept not having a shareable last line. for every we're so back there is always an it's so over. we're here now and that's what matters LOL

8. share the last line that you wrote

you have kept me waiting, my lord steward, she says when his footsteps stop, his reflection hovering just out of reach of her mirror.

well this is NOT umbar fic OR condolences congratulations. one day i will learn to finish one thing before i start another. but it is set in a slightly alternate version of the same reality. this is the crazy forty years later everyone lives au where aragorn is king and denethor is his steward and finduilas is actually the one running the place. it’s just an excuse for me to write “what if we made our healthy loving political marriage a messier and more political v-shape because you just HAD to officially get back together with your situationship from when you were 25 and oh he just HAPPENS to be the king.” they are shockingly functional about it (i do not know if i could call it healthy. but it is Incredibly High-Functioning and They Are Having Fun. so who am i to stop them!). conceptually/vibes-wise this is the result of my mind stirring around "their wives know the steward serves the king, and sometimes that goes beyond matters of state" (like truly...WHOA boy. that knocked me flat. @bretwalda-lamnguin i WILL respond to that post eventually i have things to say they just have to marinate a little longer) + regent!finduilas as a concept and an Energy + finduilas's general pure concentrated "i can fix him" beam + also going on a tangent off of anna @potatoesandsunshine's "our marriage is already bad enough what if we ruined someone else's life with it" theory. and this came out.

17. what is your favourite trope to write

NAMES AND TITLES AND MANNERS OF ADDRESS BABY!!! that shit is like drugs for me. whenever i'm messing around with it i feel like i am at the very height of caring about and understanding my own work i KNOW that sounds obnoxious as hell but like. aghhhhh. im in there THINKING. about specifically when and where and how one manner of address might shift to another and whether that is different inside the narration and out loud and what each name and title means in which situation. yeah im normal about hierarchies why do you ask.

23. where do you usually write

my beloved local coffeeshop down the street from my apartment! i am there as i write this. my regular barista often makes fun of me bc he sees me running for the train in the morning bc i am perpetually late for work. unfortunately the earliest i can make it out of the house in the evening is 7 and they close at 9 but it’s a good two hours. then it’s off to my friends’ apartment (they’re my downstairs neighbours i basically also live there) for like another two hours. yeah i do this every day. i am aware i am insane but it is the only way i get anything done.

24. which fic do you think is your funniest

hmm. i feel like im not often intending to be particularly funny. wait no its definitely open arms. “sokka, panicking: you like guys!” is literally in the description. i wrote it bc of a shitpost. WOW that is possibly the throwback of all time. that’s like the first fic i wrote back when i started getting really Good at writing because i was wildly hyperfixated on avatar and it was covid and i wrote 100k in a year. well well well

33. which of your fic titles is your favourite

ok i did do this one but im gonna give a runner up. TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] is a personal fave for sure bc it's. idk nontraditional? well it's based off of this image and it took me a long time of testing different things before i figured out a way to appropriately represent that erasure of the name on the headstone by the water...the sensation that there Used to be something there, that there was Supposed to be something there, but all that is left is the water. and i'm very pleased by the effect of the brackets and how it looks on the ao3 page. it just brings me a lot of joy to let myself kind of fuck around and do whatever i think is cool. im trying so so so hard to internalize "get weird with it!" and its the baby steps out here.

40. pick one of your fics and share a quote to go with it (not a quote from the fic, but an outside quote that fits)

ooh ok a throwback. race for a hurricane (speaking of the titles/names/manners of address trope this is my BEST execution of it) + "the french have a saying: the fate of glass is to break. maybe the fate of spies is to just fade away. but with any luck, we leave something behind" -spectre, 2015. im getting that last line tattooed someday.

fic writer asks

[may-moskowitz]

AKSHNIOYDBG more evil ghostface binary boyfriends, I'm begging :O I'm imagining a scenario where they go after Tory because of the way she threatened Eli at the end of S3 and Demetri told her off. Or maybe Robby, since he broke Miguel's back, force-shaved Eli, and betrayed Miyagi Do. Basically a triple strike!

Or Kyler! Oh man, they'd annihilate him after years of bullying.

I just want them as murder boyfriends so bad <3 <3 <3

I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER I REWROTE IT LIKE THREE TIMES BC I HATED HOW IT WAS GOING 😭

Cw: blood, gore, v descriptive act of gutting, Eli going ballistic and then immediately starts acting like a child again, kyler being an asshole👌

“Man that bitch is so dead… such a pussy…” Kyler continued to blabber, completely unaware that Demetri Alexopoulos had been peering through his window. He was also unaware of the fact that Eli Moskowitz had made his way inside the house during the half hour he’d been gaming in his bedroom.

“Dawg, what are you doing? You tryna kill me, the fuck?”

Demetri pulled the burner phone out from under his black gown, he and Eli had picked up those stupid Ghostface costumes used by those two maniacs in the 90s, Demetri said it would be like bearing a torch. He dialed the phone number written on his palm, Kyler’s landline phone number. Eli remained hidden as he heard it ring in the room next to him, waiting for Kyler to come answer it.

“Shit I think that’s the pizza man callin’ me, hold up I’ll be right back…” Kyler slid his chair back before making his way downstairs to the kitchen where the phone was ringing, unknowingly passing Eli as he walked past the storage room he’d been hiding in.

Kyler finally picked up the ringing phone, “Yo where you at? That pizza better not be cold-”

“Wait a minute, who am I talking to?” Demetri’s altered voice spoke. “Uhhh, Kyler… is this not the pizza guy?”

“No… I mean no it is, I’ve got your uh… pizza here if you want it…”

“Aight sweet, you… almost here?”

Demetri quickly texted Eli while telling kyler to walk to the front door.

Metri

Hes coming out to the front, stay there. Ill fuck with him a bit, get him scared. come out the sliding side door when I give u the signal.

Eli listened as he heard Kylers footsteps go past the closet and over to the front door. The door opened and Eli waited for the sound of a stabbing noise, a scream, a thump… something… but there was just silence. That is, until Kyler opened his mouth to talk once again.

“Aight… come out now. I’m hungrier than a bitch, let’s go!”

“Hold on now, Kyler, I didn’t tell you where I was with your pizza, did I?”

“Oh… ok, then uh… where are you?” Kyler stepped outside to look around the front porch, but there was no sight of anyone. He made his way around to the far corner, peeking behind it and still finding nothing.

“Can you see me?” Demetri echoed on the other end,

“No… are you in the front?”

“I can see you, Kyler.” He began to tense up, it was so quiet.

Kyler stepped backwards, making his way to the opposite side of the porch. He stood behind a pillar to look over at the road beside his house. Nothing.

“Man, I’m hungry as hell, where are you boy?”

“Walk around to the back of the house, Kyler.”

“Bro… I don’t wanna be playing no hide and seek right now, my pizzas gon’ get cold…”

“It’s right here, Kyler! Just come and get it… it’s just by the side door.”

If Kyler were smart he wouldn’t be falling for this. Who the hell makes you walk around your house to get pizza from the delivery boy? Demetri knew he could fuck with Kyler and he’d just fall for everything, it was kind of fun. This wouldn’t work next week when they go for Tory, Demetri wanted to make sure she got what she deserved for all the pain she caused to his Eli. They’d go after Robby as well, Demetri wanted to give Eli some time to get practice in with Kyler first. They’d worry about Robby tomorrow.

Kyler made his way around the house, going over to the front.

Metri

Go now out the side door and keep urself hidden behind that huge tree. When Kyler goes by then u can come out, be ready bc as soon as he sees u you’ll need to strike. Don’t worry, I’ll be over there soon. U got this babe 💕

Eli smiled at the text. He still felt shaky, but this was his chance to show everyone that he’s not some scared loser. He’s gonna give everyone who ever wronged him what they deserve. Eli left the closet and ran out to the side door, quickly opening it and slipping out. Just as he got behind the tree he heard Kyler shittalking to Demetri over the phone. He closed his eyes and took a big breath as he watched Kyler walk passed the tree and towards the glass door.

“Where are you now, bruh?”

“You still can’t see me, Kyler?” He rolled his eyes as he moved just passed the door frame, looking out by the gazebo behind his house.

“Man, you ain’t even here… I’m going back inside!”

Just as Kyler turned around, he became face to face with a masked Eli who immediately shoved him to the ground. He stepped closer to Kyler as he groaned beneath him,

“The fuck, who- who the fuck are you??”

Eli landed a kick to Kyler’s stomach, causing him to hunch over and wince. As soon as he gained the strength, Kyler got up and ran back around to the front. Eli turned around and walked down the other side to meet him there.

As soon as Kyler reached the balcony he was faced with Eli who’d already beat him. Eli cocked his head to the left as Kyler stood just feet away before quickly spinning to run back to the back of the house, the ghost following suit.

As soon as Kyler made it to the sliding doors, Demetri turned around on the other side to face him, immediately throwing himself through the glass to tackle the wrestler. Kyler struggled under the ghost’s grasp, kicking his legs as Demetri’s hands wrapped around the teens throat. Kyler lifted his head, head butting his attacker before getting away.

Kyler ran towards the left corner of the house, only to be met with the ghost again. Eli’s hand shot forward, lodging his knife into Kyler’s abdomen and pulling it through his stomach to the other side.

Blood and organs fell from his body as he fell to the ground, letting out a disgusting, gargled groan.

Eli straddled Kyler as he tried to scoop his insides back into his body. As Eli moved Kyler’s hands out of the way, he tried to reach up and punch the ghost above him. Eli smacked the hand away and his knife went straight into the side of Kyler’s neck, before he pulled it out to thrust it down into his sternum.

Demetri watched from the door, he didn’t think Eli could actually do it.

He was stabbing him over and over, Kyler cried out as Eli kept going. Blood covered his face as the ghost stabbed him once more in the throat in hopes to keep him quiet, but he just wouldn’t shut up.

Demetri removed his mask to see better, a smile rising to his face as he watched his boyfriend finally take revenge. He could hear him faintly panting as he brutally murdered his lifelong bully, Demetri was so proud of Eli.

When his rapid stabbing finally stopped he flung himself backward and crawled away from the body, ripping his mask off as he let out a choked sob.

Demetri quickly ran over to him, immediately pulling him into a hug. “You did it! I knew you could, Eli. God… dammit I’m so proud of you,” Demetri pushed Eli’s sweaty hair from his face.

“W-what’s the matter?”

Eli wiped the tears from his face and took a few deep breaths, “Demetri… w-what if we made a mistake?? What if we…fuck we might get caught!”

“Shhh shut the fuck up, it’s ok. I promise you, we will not get caught. I’ve planned this all out, we’re gonna get away with this, baby.” Demetri held Eli closer to him, kissing his head and hugging him tight.

“We should probably move this asshole though, can you help me get him uh…” he looked around the yard for places to stick Kyler’s dead body, “Tree?” Eli suggested, Demetri looked behind him at the tree with the tire swing hanging from it,

“Tree.”

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

[acidic-soulzv9]

Update: Hey y'all

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• skip to the 4n4 portion if you don't wanna hear me ramble lol •

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Sorry, it's been a minute since either updated and life has just been chaotic.

I got out of a toxic relationship and it had honestly made my life hell bc we still live together (for now) but I don't really feel like diving into all of that lmao anywayssss...

Lately I've been taking Poe to the park and hes been loving it 🐀 Tuesday he chose to walk towards the water and took a little swim all by himself, I am definitely a proud rat parent 🥹 we also did a little photo shoot of him on the play sets and it was adorable!

My sister and her husband moved into the same apartment building but downstairs and I'm very happy about that!

All week I've been helping them move their stuff in and set up their new home which has been keeping me açt!v3, busy, and bvrned a shit ton of c@l0ri3s !!! We've also been hanging out a lot which helps me get out of the house.

I don't really have anything else to update here sooooo

Moving on! ⤵️⤵️⤵️

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

4n4 Rant :

🦋 I've been f@sting and 3xerc!s!ng like crazy and I think I can tell a difference in my b0dy which makes me feel like im finally starting to get to where I want to be.

🦋 My next appointment is on the 26th (?) and that's when I get w3!gh3d again so I'm trying to at least be at my Gw by then but hopefully l0wer

🦋 I plan on f@sting a minimum of 55 hrs starting tomorrow and I'm ready for it

🦋 I had my m3ta day today and only had 500 extra c4ls which brought me to 800 c4ls.

🦋 I'm proud of myself bc ive been consuming a m4x of 300 c4ls a day here lately!

🦋 I've been getting a lot of comments on my wl and I'm not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, it's so m0tiv@ting and it makes me feel so good,like I'm finally doing something right.

🦋 But on the other hand, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I just want to be sm4ll enough to where I can h!de away and not be noticed but I also want people to see that I'm getting th!nn3r. I want them to know that my w3!ght is the l0w3st it's ever been. I want them to be w0rried about me. I want my b0dy to reflect how s!ck I feel on the inside.

🦋 Having an ED can be so confusing sometimes but it's the only thing that I have control over. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. 4n4 is my best friend and she's never failed me. She's pushed me to strive for perfection and become the person she believes I can be. That's more than I've gotten from anyone in a long time.

I'm so deep in this d!s0rd3r and I don't think I could ever give it up.

🦋⭐🚫🦋⭐🚫🦋⭐🚫🦋⭐🚫🦋⭐🚫🦋⭐🚫🦋⭐🚫🦋

[indecisive-dizzy]

Ramble about Eddie to your heart’s content, bestie :D

I’m honestly very interested in your ideas :3

Again, don’t be scared to just ramble in my ask box, I love hearing peoples ideas

AJDKKAGAJAKAK- THANK YOU <3 <3

I'm wailing rn /pos

My AU! Disabled Eddie!! Ok so he wasn't born with his disability, it came about later.

My Current story is that he had stroke in late middle/early high school! I have done research and Yes it is possible for teens and younger to have strokes. From what I recall it can be significantly worse for them compared to adult strokes

Eddie was left with permanent complications and is disabled bc of it. He has coordination, balance, and general mobility complications among a list of other post stroke effects. I just found the word I was looking for a few days ago to describe his mobility issues, it's Ataxia!

Eddie has to deal with bouts of muscle weakness on his right side which can effect his vision. He also gets vertigo a Lot and at this point dizziness is expected every time he stands.

He uses forearm crutches when he needs extra help walking bc he does have good days where he may not need them! But for longer distances he brings them bc he's better safe than sorry. He also has cane but he doesn't use it As much.

He also has a wheelchair that he Hates. He hates having to use it. But his Really horrible days leave him unable to stand, much less walk. He wishes he could just hide it somewhere and never think about it but alas. it's important.

He dislikes the wheelchair so much bc it makes him feel useless. He is Not! I want to clarify that wheelchair users are perfectly Capable and Independent! Eddie just has an issue with overachieving and working himself too hard. He wants to be helpful and do So Much but there are some things he can't do while in his wheelchair. He was stuck in a chair for months after his stroke and it was devastating back then. He has No good memories with a wheelchair so he continues to dislike using it.

Ok putting a read more bc I am not shutting up for a While

Relationships with the neighbors! Generally the same. Barnaby doesn't chase him bc that would be mean (? I can't think of a better way to describe it)

Sally is still Sally but she's specific on her mailman hate (lmao) to make sure Eddie and everyone else knows she's not faulting him for his disability.

Hmm yeah everything else is pretty much the same. I guess everyone is also more open about offering Eddie help from time to time if he looks like he needs an extra hand. They're not persistent or anything, but if they see him struggling to carry a package or two they're more inclined to help.

I still don't know how Howdy gets his shit. Honestly If Eddie is having a crutch or chair day,, Howdy just won't get his stock unless he gets it himself. I can't think of a way for Eddie to deliver all those heavy ass boxes.

He does ask people to pick up their packages occasionally too. He tries to deliver them all himself but it's not always possible. He offers a trolley they can use.

I want to talk about angst. So this is very specific, I'll try to keep it short. growing up, Eddie lived in a four bedroom house. two downstairs master bedrooms and two upstairs normal bedrooms. Before his stroke he was upstairs, his older brother in the other room, and his older sister in the bedroom downstairs.

Afterwards he had to move downstairs. His sister Hated this. She loved her room and her private bathroom and she was very prissy about it.

This snowballed into her just,, taking all her frustrations out on Eddie. He took Her Bedroom. He's getting all the attention. Her little brother was ruining everything.

Eddie was devastated by this. He went as far as to attempt to convince his parents to let them switch rooms again. He couldn't physically walk up the stairs most days but he just wanted his big sister to not hate him anymore.

Their relationship never fully recovered. As an adult Eddie will still find ways to blame himself and feel guilty. But he just can't bring himself to talk to her.

They used to be so close. She let Eddie experiment with her makeup, they talked about fashion and boys and she helped him so so much when he was questioning his sexuality.

and then it just, fell apart. But not quietly like a loose thread but rather a house that wasn't built quite right and the screws came loose one by one.

Eddie's memory gets really fuzzy when thinking that far back. but some of those memories are burned into his mind and he wishes he could forget them like he does everything else.

[toeveryenemy]

I've been coded as too depressed by my caretakers and now I need to be downstairs because I need to be around people bc I've been alone too much and hung around in my room the whole day yesterday so now every caretaker is like "lucas is feeling low we better make sure they don't do anything bad" like PLEAS I KNOW I'M FEELING LOW AND IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN WHERE I CAN'T COPE WITH SHIT THAT WELL ANYMORE.... I *AM* FEELING LOW... but whadda fack am I supposed to do downstairs AUGH

[bright-haired-teacher]

got here early this morning, like i do every morning, and the doors - all 4 of the double doors - to our hallway were locked. i went back downstairs, through the downstairs hallway and up the back stairwell which (thankfully) was not. sat down in my chair and started eating my breakfast while sending a ranty text about it to the group chat (4 other teachers here who are also tired of this damn place, bc they’re all in my department and hate what they did to ELA at this school) 

my neighbor gets here with kids for tutoring, peeks her head in my door, and says, “thank you for getting here first!” lmao i needed that. 

and that, dear friends, is what i am going to miss about this place. these are good people that i am leaving behind. (mind you, most of them are also leaving.) but we’ll all be scattered. they took a good thing - a strong, cohesive department who all respect and support each other, who all share ideas and solutions, who stand up for each other - and ruined it. 

every one of us started this year with the intention to be returning next year. we spent time outside of school celebrating birthdays and milestones, helped one of us through a breakup, another through a death. we all showed up for people - when that former student died from a car accident, we all went to the vigil. when our school psych’s husband died, we all went to the funeral. we’ve had late-night conversations about injustices at the school and early morning pep-talks just to fucking show up. (and sometimes “sorry ladies, i can not be there today”)

in the 7 years i’ve been here, this team is the strongest it’s ever been. and admin even complimented us on that! we are a unit! we would speak to admin as a group, not individually. we would do our evaluations in pairs, not separately, and team teach our classes. we worked together. we are a unit, and admin claimed to love that.

and then they ruined it, by giving us a shit plan that we all knew was shit and we all said was shit and they ignored us, started babysitting us and criticizing our every move, and took away all our autonomy. 

and they think we want to stay? 

i want nothing more than the five of us to stay next year. i love these people. i’m sure i’ll find My People at my new school eventually, but i have My People now. i don’t want to lose them! (and i’m sure we’ll still chat, but it’s not the same ofc.) 

but how can we stay when admin will just do the most to us, and expect us to lie down and take it? to violate contract and expect us to be okay with it? to change our teaching assignments around and think we won’t be upset? to take away everything that makes language arts great to teach and think we’ll just go along happily like nothing is the matter? fuck dude, even my students know i’m unhappy as shit with this and a lot of them are oblivious as a box of shit lol. many have told me “this is bullshit” and “i haven’t learned anything since december” and i’m like i KNOOOOOOOOW i tooooooold them. but all i can do is apologize and say “it wasn’t my decision, i’m sorry, it wasn’t supposed to be this way.” like. no one feels worse about it than i do. 

admin thinks this is all fine, we’re all perfectly happy and can’t wait to start next year with their boots on our necks. admin has already learned that 3 of us are leaving, and once i get an offer 3 makes 4. half of the reading department is dipping too. want to know how to nuke an entire english/reading department? dm me for my admin’s emails. 

anyway. idk where i’m going with this, just a lot of emotion. anger, frustration, SADNESS. i wouldn’t be here right now without the support of these amazing teachers (and, well, my therapist lbr). it shouldn’t have been this way. they could have listened to us. they could have taken our concerns. they didn’t. they didn’t. and now they don’t have an ELA/reading department next year. 

i hope they’re pleased with themselves, though. actions have consequences. you fucked around, and you’re about to find out. 

ok i’m done. i should get some of this grading done or something lol idk.

[horce-divorce]

man buying weed used to be so exciting bc it was like "Look at me, I can go to the weed store!" but now dispo day is just another errand I dread running and a bill I dread paying...

and like i have a hard time making choices? esp when this is the ONLY thing I have money for, so it matters a LOT that I buy stuff that will keep working for me, bc if I don't I'm just screwed then, but for weed buying what is most effective is NOT the same as what's most economical and seeing as I have NO income this is really not an ideal situation ykw i mean.

like it would be most economical for me to buy the $75 oz. But I am not going to do that because getting to where I can smoke, grinding the weed, packing the bowl, and then actually smoking it are all SUCH fucking joyless, awful chores for me now and it's really just not accessible. I can't be doing all that and wasting precious time if I'm having a nausea attack. Im really not allowed to smoke in my room for the most part. there are days where I cant get downstairs, grind and pack a bowl because my tremors are too bad or my hands are too painful or whatever.

that's why i like vapes, cus they're so quick. but they are also smoking, cause more wheezing, are just harsh and nasty... and again the most medicinally effective ones (1:1) are usually not available to me, and are more expensive when they are, and even when they're what I want, you still have to mitigate tolerance and not be hitting that shit all the time

i really wanna try RSO again both for tolerance purposes and because, like shopping for the weed, I have come to hate smoking. I don't enjoy it at all anymore. It used to be such a relief and now it's like "great I have to take my meds again." I hate constantly coughing and wheezing, I hate having to go outside multiple times per day just for smoke, I hate getting resin on my lips from the bong, I hate gagging from the taste, I hate coughing my eyeballs out for an hour every single time I need to eat.

but RSO is tricky!!! it's hit or miss for me bc if I take it wrong my body processes it like an edible (i.e its wasted and does nothing). It HAS to be sublingual. As a result I don't have my dosages worked out for RSO, so it's a MUCH riskier thing for me to buy than, say, the oz (even tho that's not the thing I need. My poverty brain still tells me Its Just What You Can Afford).

on the other hand I can smoke a half oz in about a week if I don't try to mitigate the tolerance issue (i.e. switching methods and strains every few days). So then it's not really even that economical and doesn't end up lasting longer than RSO anyway.

anyway if u cant tell today is weed day and i have adhd and as I'm sure you can imagine this is very difficult for me

[the-good-projxct]

Feb 23rd, 2024

11:32 pm. Sitting up in my room at Aunty Bome’s. Listening to only you by Karun. 

I had such a chill day. SUCH A CHILL DAY. Like I need to emphasize that to the max. I stayed on the phone all night with Munene. All night dawg. From midnight till 6am. That is wild. And it's not the first time, we be having 6-8 hrs calls like monthly. Anyway, mapenzi moto moto. We talked about so much and like, yeah, I am happy happy. I dunno, I wanna say I am fallin’ in love. Or I have fallen in Love  but it feels simpish. Like, what does that mean? What does life look like now that I have fallen in Love with the man that I’ve loved since he was a boy? What does being in Love look like compared to Love? Anyway, these are the thoughts I am having and yeah. Love is beautiful. Life is Gøod. God’s plan is the only plan. I woke up around 11, took a nice hot shower then went downstairs, food was ready, I ate then sat outside. Then sat inside. Then I went and ate lunch and some cake. Then I went and laid down upstairs. Then it was supper time. I ate supper then I laid on Aunty Bome’s bed and chatted with her then I came to my room and laid on my bed to play on my phone. So…I am a professional chiller now. I am a pro loungist. That was the goal and here I am. Pure baby girl energy. On the real though, I am going to look for a volunteer gig next week so  life will not be as chill for one day of the week. And another day I will go to the cafeteria with my grandma. So two days of activities, one day visiting family and four days to be a loungist. I wanna take my loungy ways to the club. Hello Impala, here I come. Im just tryna see some rugby niggas do rugby nigga shit while I lounge. I don’t even want them niggas no more. My CBC interview dropped today, it sounds cool. I sound so different. Zaneta said I sound like them and mom combined. Ahhahaha real. They cut out the part where I said I cannot grow living in the swamp that tried to drown me. I dunno but it cheesed me that they cut that part out. THEN. THEN. CBC used a photo of AmirahSun as the main pic for the interview. LMAO. I mean, I like the payback bc Amirah been calling me a light skint nigga for far too long. And I call them my  twin. But surely CBC, during Black History Month could not tell two niggas apart? Low key funny, high key embarassiiiinnggg. The podcast drops tomorrow. How do I feel? Ready. Like it is time. But also a bit edgy. Multiple truths. I kinda like that the cbc interview came out and I liked the interview. It kinda prepares me for listening to the podcasts, if I decide to. I might never btw. I have a bit of a headache so maybe I am not a professional loungist. Maybe too much lounging is not good for my health. We shall see. I noticed that people with big tiddies breach in their sleep like whales. I am people with big tiddies. So when I sleep on my chest and move around, my tiddies end up in an uncomfortable position. So I lift up my half body, move my tits sometimes very slightly and lay back down. A breach. No? I feel like whales might be feeling weird pressure/discomfort on their chest or whale tiddy area and need to come up to adjust their yitties and release pressure. So yeah, whales, tiddies, breaching and I have commonality. These are the things that I can spend like a Good chunk of time thinking about bc why not. It's funny. Back to Karen I go tomorrow. For another round of lounging. Life is Gøod. I am Gøod. I am Saint. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for shitting in the upstairs toilet?

And for the record this isn't a big relationship ending fight, just want to have a funnier AITA ask and I'm curious about my sibling fight. But my sister does get pissed at me lol

So, I (23,nb) am home for the holidays and my sister (22) keeps telling me I have to poop downstairs because she hates when the bathroom smells like shit. For context, I think it's funny to share when I have to take a major dump (not every time) because it bothers her (she calls me gross) and my mom (it's not polite) but otherwise there's not anything special about my shitting habits. I leave the bathroom clean, wash my hands, my shit smells no worse than average, no ibs, etc. She also shares the upstairs bathroom with our brother (18) so it's not like she's used to having it to herself.

I refuse to use the downstairs toilet because I'm worried people are judging how long I'm in there?/ listening to me because it's next to the kitchen and living room where people watch TV and I like privacy when I'm doing my business. So I use the upstairs one also it's usually closer since it's near our bedrooms.

More info I can think of: my sister doesn't exclusively shit downstairs but she insists her shit doesn't smell (wrong, I've used the bathroom after her before, also not a big deal everyone poops™️). She also isn't a neat freak, she leaves clothes in the bathroom and hair she's pulled out of the brush all over the floor which is more annoying imo. She doesn't make my brother shit downstairs tho I'm sure she'd prefer it even tho his bathroom etiquette is way worse (he doesn't even flush his shit and leaves toilet paper on the plunger IF he uses it) but I assume it's bc he doesn't announce his shitting habits like I do haha. I'm also the only one who doesn't live at home (out of state college) so both my sister and brother are always sharing a bathroom and not just for the holidays but I do have my own room here. We don't have poo-pourri and I'm not spending $10-15 when I can just shit in MY bathroom and I do crack a window and stuff.

Tldr: AITA for shitting upstairs when it's the closest/what I'm most comfortable with even though my sister doesn't like when the bathroom smells, like it's a bathroom?

What are these acronyms?

[chippedaxe]

𝑨 𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑷𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒌

ੈ✩‧₊˚

Title: 𝑨 𝑳𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑷𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒌

Warning(s): NSFW, not sure what other warnings ?? Pet names used, unedited (as always)

Pronouns : they/them, non specified genitalia (Or at least I tried to keep it vague)

Synopsis: What was a seemingly harmless prank turns out to cause a helluva lot of chaos.

Pairing: c!Sapnap X gn reader (Sub reader btw)

Word count: 2k

Note: simping for Sapnap hours <3 No one requested it but I suddenly got this idea and was like 'I have to write it, it's what the people would want' and I also wrote it bc Sapnap has no full fics in my masterlist yet <3

* lemme know if I've missed any warnings/tags or if you see a mistake in this fic that I can quickly change (I didn't rlly proof read, I just sorta scanned over it with my eyes)

ੈ✩‧₊˚

2nd POV

You walked to the bathroom after a long day. You were held back a few hours to work overtime without warning and you’re pretty sure that you won’t be getting paid extra, you weren’t in the mood and just needed to relax with a nice shower.

You entered your bathroom and closed the door, you assumed by default that Sapnap wouldn’t bother you since he’s normally such a good roommate and he hadn’t bothered you in the bathroom before! You stripped yourself of your clothes and hung up your outfit that you were planning to wear when you get out of the shower.

You placed the clothes on your sink counter and then approached the shower, your feet were placed on the bath mat as you stood there patiently. You took a deep breath before walking in, you turned both faucets and waited for the water to warm up to a good temperature. You got underneath the water and let the shower rinse off all of the dirt and negative emotions.

You could only hear the water hitting the shower floor since most of the water plugged up your ears, you tried to wash it out but failed so you better hope that no roommate of yours comes in here and plays games while you’re basically half deaf. You grabbed the soap and lathered it in your hands, your soapy hands running over your soft skin.

You came to a pause when you thought you heard something but decided to shrug it off “what would it be anyways? It’s not like Sapnap would come in here” you thought to yourself as you continued washing up. Your hand trailed down to your nether regions and you whined a bit as you cleaned down there, you were just cleaning but your body didn’t know that and so you became a bit aroused.

You ignored the arousal and just continued to have your shower, if you were still horny later on than you’d deal with it but not now. You rinsed the soap off your body and sighed, today was a rough and tiring day but you got through it.

You turned the shower off when you were finished getting clean, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around your body. You got out onto the bathroom mat and started to dry yourself with the towel, you glanced over towards the bathroom sink and your eyes widened.

“Where the fuck did my clothes go?” You asked out loud, your eyes searching the floor just in case they may have fallen down. You groaned in annoyance and wrapped your towel around yourself securely so it wouldn’t fall and then you stomped out to your bedroom to look for the little thief.

You had a look through your drawers to quickly get dressed and confront the troublemaker but it seemed as all your clothes had mysteriously disappeared. You pulled out all the drawers and you searched all the shelves, even your closet was completely empty apart from some scattered shoes.

You whined angrily and then stomped downstairs, your feet dragging along the floor “Sapnap!” You called out to him and he came to your call “what’s up? Like the new look!” Sapnap looked up and down at your towel covered body “Oh hush up! Where’s my clothes? I know you had something to do with their disappearance!” You accused.

“What? Me? What makes you think that?!” Sapnap gasped “they couldn’t have just grown legs and ran away!” You put your hands on your hips “psh, you got me! It’s just a harmless prank..” Sapnap put his hands up in defeat “Good- great, now give them back please!” You held your hand out expectedly.

“Why? I’m liking this outfit you’ve got on right now..” Sapnap teased “oh please, do not start with the flirting again” you rolled your eyes “I can’t give your clothes back right now but feel free to borrow some of mine!” Sapnap smiled “Huh?? Why can’t you give them back?” You exclaimed “if I told you than it’d ruin the whole prank! Just borrow some of my clothes” Sapnap invited you to his wardrobe.

You pouted and entered his room, roaming his closet and just mindlessly picking some of his clothes. “What am I meant to do about my underwear? Can you at least give that back?” You asked “you don’t need underwear, if you do then just borrow some of mine” Sapnap shrugged it off. You wanted to argue with him but found that he had already turned his back to you and left.

You changed into his clothes, his baggy shirt and pants made your body look more boxed up. You tugged at the fabric and it started to cling to your body more “stupid electricity-“ you tried to get it to move away from your curves but it stayed stuck to you.

You walked out into the living room and crossed your arms “When am I supposed to be ‘getting pranked’?” You sighed “oh fuck, you’re looking hella good in my clothes, maybe I’m doin you a favor” Sapnap licked his lips quickly. You scoffed and flicked his forehead “I look good in my own clothes too, you know??” You huffed “I personally think you’d look way better without any clothes, you looked amazing in that towel earlier” Sapnap wiggled his eyebrows at you.

“You’re disgusting!” You laughed at his little flirting attempts “you know you love it, baby!” Sapnap winked “oh I do” you decided to tease back which made the tip of his ears turn slightly red “oh you do? That really warms my heart, c’mere and show me some love!” Sapnap held his arms out to you but you only pushed him away.

“Your offer is very kind but I must decline, I don’t show love to people who steal my clothes!” You told him. Sapnap lowered his head and frowned “What’re you so upset for? I was gonna get you out of your clothes anyways” he jokes around “oh be quiet!” You slap his arm playfully.

He gasps and exclaims dramatically “OUCH! I can’t believe you’ve striked me! All I did was love you and this is how you repay me??” He falls to the ground slowly and fakes his own death “may I have one final request?” He whispered and You leaned down “maybe one..” you decided to play along “can a dying man please have one final kiss?” Sapnap closed his eyes.

You decided ‘fuck it’ and leaned in, your lips pressing against his. He caressed your cheek and deepened the kiss but you were quick to pull away “hey, I don’t go making out with thieves” you smirked “Oh? Maybe you can make this ol’ criminal a good guy again, what’dya think?” Sapnap wrapped an arm around your waist.

You looked up at him and smiled “oh of course, is this thief gonna return my clothes?” You asked “only if you return mine..” Sapnap whispered and started to slowly tug at your collar “hm.. I think we have a deal” you slipped your shirt off and stood there with a bare chest “you look good, baby” Sapnap blew a kiss at you.

You slipped the rest of your clothes off and kicked them away, you were completely naked now “Shit- I can’t believe you were hiding all this from me..” Sapnap came up to you and ran his hands down your sides “my eyes are up here, play boy” you grinned. Sapnap’s eyes snapped from your body up to meet your gaze.

You leaned in and kissed him again, your mouth parting to allow his tongue entrance. You wrapped your arms around his neck and panted slightly as you two were now having a heated make out session. You pulled away for air and gulped down your spit “Sapnap..” you breathed out “yes, Y/n?” He smirked.

“Take your clothes off, it’s unfair” you complained and started to pull at his clothes “calm down. I’ll take my clothes off whenever you ask, baby” Sapnap stripped himself hastily and then posed for you, your eyes narrowed as you stared at him “checking me out?” Sapnap laughed.

Your eyes couldn’t help but be attracted to the large thing hanging between his legs, his cock was huge and throbbing “oh fuck..” you muttered “what was that?” Sapnap got closer “your cock is humongous!” You shouted “haven’t I told you that before?” Sapnap kissed your neck gently as you two were speaking and taking in each other’s beautiful bodies.

His hands rubbed at your hips gently “I’ve been waiting so long for you, Y/n.. I’ve had this crazy attraction to you ever since we met, you were the only one that ever joked back with me..” Sapnap confessed “I always had a soft spot for your stupid jokes..” you whispered softly, “I KNEW IT!” Sapnap hugged you and started to pepper kisses all over your face excitedly.

“Does this mean we’re dating??” You questioned “no it means we’re mortal enemies, of course we’re dating!!” Sapnap joked around “oh wow..” you blushed softly before realizing that you two were in the middle of having sex “oh um..” your face was red.

“Do you need me to stretch you out, do a little foreplay?” Sapnap’s hands caressed your torso, his mouth leaving soft kisses on your neck which left tiny purple marks “ah.. No, I just need your cock now..” you were ready for him! Sapnap guided you to his bed and laid you down onto your back, he then crawled on top of you and smiled.

Sapnap positioned his huge throbbing cock with your tiny hole, you gasped and threw your head back when he started to slide into your slowly “does this hurt?” Sapnap asked when he saw your facial expressions “n-no! It feels so good..” you cooed.

Sapnap gripped onto your hips and started to thrust inside of you, his cock was overwhelmed by the feeling of your tight warm squishy insides. Your legs were quivering and your hands were covering your mouth, you felt embarrassed to have such loud lewd sounds spewing out of your mouth like this but it was hard to control.

Sapnap thrusted harder and faster which made you yelp, tears pricked at your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure that you were getting from his cock stretching your insides “Fuck! Gonna cum-“ you scratch his back, leaving light claw marks on his skin. Sapnap continued to fuck into you roughly “cum for me, baby..” he encouraged.

You went over the edge and came hard, your juices running down your thighs. Your head was thrown back and your eyes were rolling into the back of your head, your back arched and your legs were shaking uncontrollably from the stimulation “FUCK! I love you!-“ you then panted and whined as you tried to catch your breath after just having the best orgasm of your life.

Sapnap came shortly after, his cum leaking out of your hole and down your thighs “shit, sorry about the mess-“ you shut him up with a kiss “clean the mess. Return my clothes. Cuddle me.” You instructed as you tiredly laid down on the bed “will do! I love you too, Y/n” he gave your forehead a kiss before going to clean everything up.

[cognitosclowns]

Ok ok sooo i have a quick request

Since thanksgiving is this thursday, imagine the crew + reader spending thanksgiving together and it’s pretty well known that the reader is like a great cook, so obviously they’ll be the one cooking for thanksgiving dinner, and the crew is blown away by how good the food tastes?? like they knew we were a good cook but not this good??

lol sorry if this is dumb this idea just popped out of no where

SHIT MY ASS IN THE ASS I FORGOT THE US HAS THANKSGIVING IN NOVEMBER-

ALL SFW, JUST SOME CUTENESS

(tw : food, cooking)

LISTEN,, ALMOST NONE OF THESE MFS CAN COOK - AND THE ONES WHO CAN (Glenn, Gigi, Brett vaguely) JUST,, DON'T WANT TO DO THE ENTIRETY OF THANKSGIVING. Too Much To Make No Thank you Not At All

EVERYONE IS RELIEVED WHEN YOU AGREE TO COOK SMTH UP <33 only rule is No Sneak Peaks. No Motherbastards In The Kitchen While You're Working Your Magic.

(... Myc sneaks his tentacles in to thieve a tourtiere and a few lemon tarts. You notice but,, you allow it)

the kitchen, of course, being at Brett's place!! He has his own house a little ways outta the city. its,, pretty big,, considering hes extremely rich, but not excessive?

Perfect Cooking Space <33 the cupboards are jam packed with anything you could need

LISTEN THE MEAL ITSELF <333 OHOHO THEY AREN'T EVEN READY

YOU EXPRESSLY ASK THEM THEIR FAVORITES <333 you wanna make sure everyone's got Their Things

it's,, fairly standard stuff? Gigi insists on cranberry sauce even if she’s the only one who uses it, Glenn requests Candied Yams which are a sin against nature, everyone collectively Pleads for both pumpkin and pecan pie bc nobody can choose, etc

needless to say, you has your work cut out for you

ANDRE AND GLENN ARE HAVING THE TIMES OF THEIR FUCKING LIIIIIIVES. The fucking,, delight on their faces when they see the Spread of Foods you've got laid out??

Glenn is used to,, Yummy Southern Cooking (tm). Thanksgiving was always a massive celebration back home <3 it definitely brings him back to his childhood, him and his brothers running around to finish chores as fast as possible so that they could eat dinner early!!

He doesn’t really see his family anymore so <333333 yeah he feels pretty cozy inside.

ANDRE JUST FUCKIN LOVES FOOD. GOD HE'S HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. There will not be leftovers. Not a single one. Guarantee he's gonna be one of the last ones at the table.

I am unsure of the mechanics of how Myc eats,,,, I'm thinking kinda like a Gelatinous Cube?? Like he shoves shit into that little orb and it disintegrates?? THIS BASICALLY MEANS HE CAN EAT A METRIC FUCK TON.

What i mean to say is,, Glenn, Andre, and Myc are Inhaling it at the speed of light.

'I was gonna say something shitty but this is the best fucking food I've had in my life. I hate you so much. fuck.' aka myc is having a blast

Brett, Gigi and Reagan are eating Politely but also,, Very Fast smnds.

both to keep up with The Trio Of Vaccum Cleaners in the corner, and bc it’s GOOD. AND THEY’RE HUNGRY DAMMIT <3 they had to sit downstairs patiently and smell all the lovely food being made </3

GIGI IS SO ';;;;MAD'’’’’ THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL HER YOU COULD COOK THIS GOOD <///3 

WHAT THE HELL SHE COULD HAVE BEEN PAYING YOU TO MAKE HER LUNCH THIS WHOLE TIME </3???? ultimate betrayal. She’s stealing some of the tarts off your plate for this </3 the only compensation she’ll accept

BRETT GETS SO,, HAPPY AND MUSHY INSIDE <333 WHEN HE SEES YOU MADE THE CASSEROLE HE MENTIONED. His grandma used to make this,, Very Specific Casserole with string beans and yams and,, this mess of spices and a lil maple syrup and??? You replicated it perfectly?? Oh <333

Reagan has this Happy Tired Placated look?? Just half slumped in her seat, tiredly munching down on Massive Forkfuls of Turkey. You will get a very dazed thumbs up. please god give this woman a break <333 let her sleep let her rest she deserves it

ALSO,,, Sadly,, My Boy A.B Can't Have Any. Theoretically he can eat - he has a tank that he swaps out if he has to eat anything To Keep Up Appearances but... Now he doesn't have to pretend he's human, and therefore has no reason to eat. Even if he was permitted out of his tube, he doesn't have taste buds to appreciate it.

OH EVERYONE IS SO <333 FUCKIN TIRED AFTER. 

The chances of everyone collapsing into the nearest couches for,, Movies and Pies and Ice cream before passing out dead is SO VERY HIGH <3

Its okay the couch is plenty big for everyone <333

needless to say you're ABSOLUTELY THE DEFAULT COOK <333 YOU DON'T GET A CHOICE NOW, YOU'RE COOKING FOR EVERY CELEBRATION NOW. EVERY OCCASION. THEY WILL INVENT NEW HOLIDAYS AND FORCE YOU TO COOK FOR THOSE TOO. THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

UHHH LMK IF YOU HAD SMTH ELSE IN MIND??? SMDNSMD THIS WAS CUTE IN ANY CASE

[catgirlforkaeya]

sick

kaeya x gn!reader

sickfic + fluff (?) + modern au (visions still exist tho)

warnings: all lowercase + not proofread

a/n: i’ve been tryna work on requests this week but writers block has me in a chokehold with most stuff rn. i also got hit with something (pretty sure it’s strep— it’s what it feels like idk it cld also be covid since my mom has it all ik is it’s painful) and that inspired this so enjoy 🥲 (i’m sorry if some of this doesn’t make sense i have extreme brain fog rn)

illness wasn’t uncommon for you— you always managed to come down with something at least 2-3 times a year. there wasn’t really any reason for it, your immune system was just a tiny bit weaker

more utc!

this time though? jesus christ you thought you were gonna die (not literally that’s an exaggeration)

headache, body aches, runny nose, sore throat, fatigue, nausea, fever, cough, all that fun stuff but way worse than you’ve ever had

hell you even lost your voice for a few days and could barely choke out whispers

thankfully you had your amazing boyfriend kaeya to take care of you

he’s used to taking care of you when you’re sick— he knows what all to do for you (you always repay the favor whenever he gets sick, which isn’t a lot but even if it’s just sniffles you do something)

when he noticed you were sick (which was very obvious) he was very quick to take your temperature and get you to bed

once he was sure you were comfortable he’d bring you some water, then return downstairs to go make you some food

kaeya had some special chicken noodle soup recipe that his family made that he’d always fix up for you

that shit was like magic, you’d always feel better after eating it— even though it was temporary it still relieved the misery for a little while

when you didn’t show any improvement after a few days kaeya would take you to the doctor to get some medicine since it obviously wasn’t a little cold

he’d always make sure you’d take your medicine as many times as the doctors said to, not in an annoying way just an “i’m worried about you please just take this” way

you spent most of the time in bed resting. kaeya would mostly stay by your side the whole time. he’d give you a bunch of small kisses here and there

you scolded him saying he was going to get sick from being so close to you. did that stop him? no

whenever you would go downstairs just to move around some kaeya would still be by your side, getting you anything you needed and just being there for you

9 times out of 10 kaeya would call in sick from work, saying he came down with whatever you had too (most of the time he didn’t, he just wanted to stay home with you). if it was a cold then he wouldn’t worry about it but something like this he’d definitely call in

your fever would usually spike at nighttime, so kaeya would use his vision just a teeny tiny bit to cool you if it was high. it was a weird sensation but it was enough to soothe you and allow you to go to sleep

i think kaeya would be the best possible person to take care of you while you’re sick (am i biased bc it’s kaeya? yes but lets overlook that). he hates seeing you in any kind of pain so he will go out of his way to make sure you’re better, even if it means putting his own health at risk

if you have any rough nights where you just can’t sleep kaeya will stay up the whole time, keeping you company while the tv hummed in the background

whenever you do fall asleep he’ll wait until he knows you’re asleep to allow himself to sleep

he’ll whisper sweet nothings while you’re falling asleep

“i love you, darling. get some rest. i’m right here if you need me, okay?”

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